beardedbailiff - Tumblr blog

[beardedbailiff]

“I learned the hard way that I cannot always count on others to respect my feelings - even if I respect theirs. Being a good person doesn’t guarantee that others will be good people. You only have control over yourself and how you choose to be as a person. As for others, you can only choose to accept them or walk away.”

— Unknown

[beardedbailiff]

But no one ever does, because why would you leave eternal paradise?

“Eternal paradise?” The dead soul asks. “Isn’t this Hell? The land of eternal damnation?”

“Well,” the gatekeeper said, voice disjointed and jerky, much like the white noise you hear on an unused TV frequency. “Hell is an Abstract Idea. A concept born from imagination. What do you think an abstract idea means? It means that Hell is without form. Just as you are now without form. You can be anything you want to be as long as you desire it. The same goes for Hell. It can be anything it wants to be. Most of the time, it shows up as an eternal paradise. Only to the rare few does it actually show up as an eternal damnation. Now, dear soul. Please stand on this weighing scale here. And let the scales determine your future. But remember. There always is a third option. There is a back door. You may use it anytime.”

“And where does it lead?”

“Anywhere and everywhere.”

“Welcome to Hell. The exit is over there, and you can leave whenever you want.”

[beardedbailiff]

Just testing…

[beardedbailiff]

So today, i found myself thinking. The dude who made transformers. What on earth prompted him to even THINK - Oooh what if! Sentient, giant alien robots!! Yeah let’s make that into a giant franchise!

[beardedbailiff]

Surprised they didn’t add the option for ‘the whole day’

Writers, when do you browse Tumblr?

We want to know what times you like to browse Tumblr so you're able to easily find our posts! Feel free to use this as a resource for the best times to share your own writing posts.

If there are multiple times of day you get on Tumblr, you can answer the poll with when you spend the most time, and leave a reply with your additional times.

Important:

The following times are in PT (Pacific Time).

You can visit this site to easily add your location's timezone and translate it to PT. Please take a moment to do so, or we'll be assuming your timezone is PT.

If you're active most at 7am EST, you would leave your answer as 4am PT.

(If you're leaving a reply with multiple times, you can just let us know your timezone and we'll translate it for you.)

Please reblog this poll so we can reach as much of the writeblr community as possible!

[beardedbailiff]

BNHA INCORRECT QUOTES

*Monoma and Uraraka having just zero gravitied down the mountain.*

Monoma (landing in an ungraceful heap of tangled limbs) : OH MY GOD, GROUND! Solid ground!

Uraraka: Aww, come on. That was fun! We should totally do that again.

Monoma (standing over the bush trying not to puke): Let’s - let’s not ever do that again -

*Uraraka pouts*

Uraraka: Weak.

Monoma: You are batshit insane. How the fuck do you stomach so much of that?

Uraraka: *shrugs* Training. But chin up, my dude. That’s the last of it I think.

Monoma: Oh, bless. I don’t think my stomach can take anymore of this. Is this because of Midoriya? Yep, this is because of Midoriya. This. This is ALL Midoroya.

Uraraka: Even though he’s like an entire ocean away?

Monoma: Somehow, he always finds a way.

Bakugou (over the earpiece): And you would be absolutely correct, my friend. This was all Midoriya’s idea. But also, heads up, Aizawa just demanded another round down the mountain. :))

Uraraka: Oh yay!

Aizawa (over the earpiece): You wanted 1A’s training regimen, you get 1A’s training regimen. Don’t worry, Bakugou’s up next :)

Monoma: OH, SCREW YOU, MIDORIYA!

[beardedbailiff]

BNHA INCORRECT QUOTES

*the boys are playing D&D, with Midoriya as GM*

Midoriya: Ye have arrived at a fork in the path on your way. But beware, before ye stands two guards. One guard always tells the truth, and one guard always lies. To proceed forwards, ye may only be allowed one question to ask to attain an absolute truth. Obtain a lie - may Hell have mercy on your soul. Choose. Wisely.

Bakugo: Oh my God, Midoriya. I said I was sorry for taking your lunch from the fridge!!

Midoriya: Wrong answer!! The guard ruthlessly slices off ye head. May ye soul rest in eternal torment.

Bakugo: Oh, come on!

Todoroki: *to Kaminari* Remind me to never piss Midoriya off. I’d like my head still attached to my neck, thank you very much.

Kaminari: Agreed. Cast a True Resurrection spell to bring Bakugo back from the dead just to witness Hell on Earth?

Todoroki: Oh, definitely.

[beardedbailiff]

Hey, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. You should do fall-over comedy. Ask me why.

Because your audience falls over laughing.

…

Okay nevermind, i’ll see myself out.

if two vegans get pissed at each other, is it still called beef? 

No, because it’s beyond meat

[beardedbailiff]

BNHA INCORRECT QUOTES

Kaminari: *holding the camera up such that it captures both Kaminari and Todoroki in frame* In today’s episode of Todoroki’s Conspiracy Corner -

Todoroki: The dorms are haunted.

Kaminari: Apparently! And we’re here today, ready to hunt and capture us some evidence. Check it out guys, we have the entire suite of equipment ready. *camera pans to table in front of them, an entire spread of ghost hunting equipment ready* Todoroki, care to share with the world how we got the funding for said equipment?

Todoroki: Thanks for your credit card, dad!

Kaminari: And there we have it. Anyway! It’s 3 in the morning. The witching hour. And we have -

*twin screams from Kami and Todo*

*We see a tall figure emerge from the toilet. Long hair over it’s pale face, drenched and dripping*

Shinsou: *playing along; in a spooky voice* the souls of the departed ~

Todoroki: Oh, it’s only Shinsou.

Kaminari: *disgruntled mumbling* Might as well be a ghost.

Shinsou: :)

[beardedbailiff]

BNHA INCORRECT QUOTES

Midoriya: *wailing like a soap opera MC* You DIED! You LEFT ME! We were PARTNERS

Bakugou: Well I’m sorry the imp found me more of a threat than you!

Midoriya: *Heartfelt sobbing* My other half... My Romeo - oh nevermind, I’m dead too.

Bakugou: Probably couldn’t take much more of that sorry wailing.

Midoriya: *sulking*

Iida: *walking into the common room to this scene, leans over to Uraraka* What’s going on?

Uraraka: Oh, that? They’re playing Among Us.

Iida: Ah.

[beardedbailiff]

BNHA INCORRECT QUOTES

Midoriya: *staring at where his house should have been* Hey, Shinsou?

Shinsou: Yeah?

Midoriya: What happened to my house?

Shinsou: Oh yeah, about that, funny story. SWAT team came, and apparently they decided airlifting it away via helicopter was easier than raiding it.

Midoriya: Yeah, no. I’m not buying that

Shinsou: *shrugs, and points to the distance, where a speck - which midoriya assumes to be the helicopter - could be seen*

Midoriya: Goddamnit. Now I owe Bakugou ten bucks.

[beardedbailiff]

BNHA INCORRECT QUOTES

Shinsou: You know, when you asked for my help to bury a body, I had assumed you were JOKING

Todoroki: You should know by now that Midoriya is literally incapable of making jokes.

Shinsou: Just know that if we get caught, I’m not covering for you.

Todoroki: IF we get caught.

Shinsou: Why are you here anyway, golden boy?

Todoroki: *points at body they were burying* That’s Endeavor.

Shinsou: Oh, Lord, oh Jesus. What the fuck happened?

Todoroki: Murder?

Midoriya: Accidental. Murder.

Shinsou: Accidental murder is still murder!

Midoriya: Not in court it isn’t. Makes a lot of difference in front of a judge. Anyway, less talking, more shovelling. We want to be out of here by daybreak.

[beardedbailiff]

BNHA INCORRECT QUOTES

Midoriya: I said distraction. Not blow up the entire empire state building!

Todoroki: It served its purpose, didn’t it?

Midoriya: You’re worse than Bakugou, you crazy pyromaniac!

Todoroki: Endeavor was in it.

Midoriya: You need Jesus

Todoroki: Yes, perhaps I do. Jesus would have been a way better father than Endeavor ever was.

[beardedbailiff]

BNHA INCORRECT QUOTES

Aizawa: So let me get this straight. Y’all burnt down the bank just to get to the vault?

Bakugo: Essentially.

Aizawa: Was the front door not an option?

Midoriya: Guards. Also, it was the fastest way in.

Aizawa: Well, so long as y’all are clear that this is coming out of your pay check, I didn’t see anything.