#I won't cap this as I'd want quite a few though

[outridera]

Like for a starter.

[innorogers]

Insomnia

Steve Rogers x OFC (You)

Summary: You couldn't sleep, and Steve neither. So you want to help him with a bedtime story. And he wants you forever.

Note: This is the first chapter of a series, but can be read as independent story. Links at the end of this chapter :)

To say you couldn't sleep is an understatement. You quite literally couldn't even close your eyes for the past few nights. 

It's not something you can control; your brain just works like this: challenges at work are the adrenaline that rushes to your mind, and it just won't calm down. 

So, a 13-hour shift wasn't enough to tire you out; insomnia hit so hard that you decided to head down to the training room to try to drain all your energy.

As you made your way down the stairs, you could hear the distant thudding of fists against a punching bag. 

Upon pushing the door slowly open, you weren't surprised to be met with Steve...without punching gloves.

God, you felt for those knuckles. How can this man be so careless with himself? Not that you have any say in that, of course.

You nodded as he turned around, surprised to see anyone at this hour.

"Cap." you said respectfully, with a tiny voice, looking at the floor as if there's anything wonderful there.

Steve walked over, sweat glistening across his forehead and cheeks, his shirt clinging to his now drenched chest.

"Oh, hi..." He smiled upon seeing you, grabbing a towel from the bench and wiping the sweat from his face. "It's late, what are you doing here?"

"Um..." You didn't think he would talk with this familiarity, but you smiled back. "I couldn't sleep, um...so I just thought I'd try to train myself."

"Ah...insomnia, right?" Steve chuckled slightly, grabbing a bottle of water and taking a few swigs. "I used to suffer with it quite badly too. I used to go to bed and just...stare at the ceiling all night."

"Oh my god." Your reaction was real. "That sounds...terrible."

Steve nodded and slumped down on the bench, leaning back as he took another sip of water. "It is...the only way I got around it was to exhaust myself before bed, but I'm sure you don't need me telling you that."

That statement struck you a little bit. You couldn't help but feel so bad for him. "Cap...that sounds draining. Have you been like that, since...always?"

Steve nodded once again, his hand running through his hair and pushing it back. "Unfortunately, been like it as long as I can remember. I only recently started trying to control it - the army didn't exactly care much about my sleeping patterns..."

"What?" Now you were horrified. "That's so awful. I'm so sorry."

"Hey, don't worry about it. It's alright," Steve reassured with a small smile, his eyes locking with yours for a moment. "I'm used to it. Plus, the army needed me to be the best I could, even if that meant I had to run on 0 hours of sleep."

"Wait, what? Steve, I meant, Cap...that's, that's not right!"

Steve chuckled softly and looked down at his feet for a moment. "Yeah...yeah, I guess it isn't." He was quiet for a moment before looking back up at you with a small smile. "I appreciate the concern, though."

You felt your cheeks were starting to burn, so you looked down again. "Have you tried any pills?" you asked as you watched yourself reflected in the mirror. Oh, you looked so stupid with your gym gear. What were you even doing with a towel and a bottle of water?

Steve nodded, scratching his temple slightly with his thumb. "I've tried just about everything: pills, sleep therapy, meditation, music, literally everything you could think of to help me sleep. I can maybe get 3 hours of sleep max, but that's if I'm absolutely exhausted."

You looked at him. You couldn't believe it. This man, you saw him in and out every day from this campus. He went out so energized, and came back full of scars and wounds, and he couldn't even get some quality rest.

You couldn't help but approach him, your voice as soft as you ever knew it: "Is there anything I can do to help?"

He paused for a moment, looking at you with a quizzical look for a few seconds before his lips quickened up into a small smile. "I mean...there is one thing I could think of..."

"What?"

"Sit next to me." Steve patted a space on the bench beside him, a small smirk on his face and a twinkle in his eye. "Keep me company."

"Sure." 

You didn't even doubt it, and you sat next to him, thinking you were willing to talk for 60 hours in a row if that's what it took to get this man to sleep. 

"Wanna talk about it?"

Steve leaned back against the bench, resting his hands on the metal beside him as he tilted his head slightly to look at you. "There's not much to talk about. My mind just...won't switch off."

"Hmm...maybe, a bedtime story?"

Steve laughed incredulously at the idea, the noise coming from his chest filling the silent room. He found it extremely amazing that he hadn't heard his own laughter like that in a long time.

"A bedtime story? Don't you think I'm a little old for that? I think last time I heard one was… 96 years ago?"

"Well..." God, his laugh was just...magical. You smiled back as your heart melted. "You never know, right?"

Steve chuckled softly once more, his head tilting back as he looked up at the ceiling, a smirk on his face. "You know what...sure. I'll take a bedtime story."

"Alright..." You started laughing too, your frenzied brain starting to do its thing: spinning really fast. 

"Here I go..."

Steve shifted so he was facing you more, leaning forwards with one elbow on his knee. His face was expectant albeit a little amused, and he wondered what kind of a bedtime story you were going to tell.

"Once upon a time, there was a super soldier..."

Steve raised an eyebrow, a small chuckle escaping his lips at the start of the story. "Alright...a super soldier...continue."

"...Who couldn't sleep, so he ran every night up to the hill and asked a fairy living there: 'Hey, little princess, why can't I sleep?' And the fairy replied: 'Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. Is it because the stars are too shiny?' And the soldier looked up at the sky full of stars and shrugged his shoulders: 'Probably...?'"

Steve’s lips formed a soft curve at the beginning of the story, his smile growing with each sentence. 

"How do you know this story?"

You winked at him. "I'll tell you that at the end. “

“So...the fairy thinks about it for a second and says: Well, maybe I can help you. And she goes up, up, up in the sky and starts to collect all the stars one by one, but there are so many of them! And she's so anxious because she wants the super soldier to get some sleep before the army calls...you know, those dumbasses..."

Steve's head tilted back once again as he laughed out loud, shaking his head at the ludicrous but somehow lovely story that was being told, and for some unknown reason, it was making him feel slightly relaxed. 

"That's a lot of stars, huh?"

"Yup..." you heard your voice, and you noticed your joy in making him happy or bringing a little peace to his mind. 

You continued, "So the fairy gets a brilliant idea: 'I'll call every kid on the planet and ask them to wish upon a shiny star, so the stars will fall, and every kid is happy with their wishes granted, and the sky is darkened, and the super soldier gets some sleep.'"

"Every kid? How would they all know to wish upon a star?"

"Because..." You looked at him as if saying, 'duh dude...'

"That's what kids do, didn't you wish upon a star? Ever?"

"Well…I'm not sure I ever did...I…really don’t remember..." He sighed nostalgically.

You looked at him. You wanted to say, "Me neither," but instead, you just responded in a comforting voice, "Well...If you don't sleep tomorrow either, I promise you, I'll go and fetch a star for you."

Steve smiled back at you, your words sending a strange yet warm feeling through his heart. 

"You'd go as far as stealing a star for me?"

And your damn brain worked so fast you didn't even think about what you were saying.

"I'll get every star in the universe for you if you'd ask."

Steve's breath hitched in his throat, there was a strange feeling through his stomach and slightly increasing his heart rate. 

He was quiet for a moment, just looking at you before he spoke again, his own words surprising him. 

"Do you promise...you'd get them all?"

Your heartbeat just stopped at that glance of his, but you nodded. 

"Yes, I do."

Steve took another moment to compose himself, a wonderstruck hitted him as he looked you in the eyes. He was searching your face for any hint of sarcasm or lies, but all he could see was what looked like true honesty. 

"You make a powerful promise...you sure you can keep it?"

You laughed. "What, you don't believe me?"

At the sound of your laugh, Steve's breath hitched in his throat, the noise stirring something deep within him which he attempted to push down. But it was so strong.

"It's not that...I just don't want you to promise something you can't keep."

"I'll keep it." He probably didn't know it, but you were actually vowing, "Every word of it." You replied in a soft voice.

There it was again, that tickle through Steve's stomach. Butterflies everywhere. They came from the air that he breathed, through his chest, to his entire body. 

He smiled at you, a genuine smile that reached his eyes, and for the first time in a very long time, Steve actually believed someone when they promised him something. 

"I'm holding you to that, you know."

You got lost in his eyes. God, there’s an entire ocean in his eyes. You held your tongue before you said that, so you cleared your throat. "I haven't finished my story."

Steve shifted once again to face you, a smile still present on his face. "Continue...tell me the rest of the story."

"So the fairy gets all the stars of the sky to fulfill the kids' wishes, and the sky finally darkens. She goes back to the soldier, but before arriving, she went to heaven and borrowed some feathers from the wings of the most beautiful angel. 'It's for a kid that can't sleep,' she explains to the angel, and with the feathers and her fairy magic, she makes the most comfortable pillow in the world. And only then, she goes back to the soldier and gives him the pillow: 'There, you will have a good sleep, honey.' And so, the soldier finally gets some rest. The end."

Steve listened to the rest of the story intently, that strange feeling in his stomach returning as waves of a tide.

Damn butterflies. Now they even left a trace of golden glitter shiny things.

He wants those butterflies to stop, but he fails, his eyes locking with yours. "You are good...you are a truly excellent storyteller, you know that?"

"I know, right?" You laughed, and also lowered your voice. "But I'll tell you a little secret."

He chuckled as he leaned back against the bench, arms crossed across his chest. As he was trying to hide something, to push back on something. To take distance. 

"A secret? I like the sound of that."

"You're my only and first audience."

Steve cocked an eyebrow, his smirk returning and his arms uncrossing. "You mean this is the first time you've even told someone that story?"

"Or any story."

Steve's eyes widened at your words, the smirk on his face growing even more. 

"You've never told a story before...like, ever?"

"Ever."

Steve chuckled softly at your response, shaking his head slightly. "You mean to tell me that ever since you were a kid, you've never told another person a story? Not even when you were little?"

You were going to say something, but kept quiet and smiled.

Steve was quiet for a moment before looking at you. 

"Most people tell everyone stories...they don't save up a story for years and years and years to tell just one person...just one?"

You blinked at him. "It's only for super soldiers who can't sleep at night, and you are the first one I've met. But...if you happen to know any other super soldier who is also a superhero and also happens to be...you know, Captain America, the greatest avenger of all times...tell him I have a great bedtime story to share with him in case he can't sleep and is training in the tower at this time of the night...otherwise...then yes, you are the only one."

Steve couldn't help but laugh at your response, the sound filling the room once again and that pang through his stomach returning. He ran his fingers through his hair and shook his head as he looked at you, a smirk on his face. 

"I'll let you know if I see any super soldiers around."

"Tell him that's a hell of a bedtime story."

Steve chuckled again, his smirk growing wider as he gave you a nod. "You think he'll like it?"

"I don't know, what do you think?" you shrugged your shoulders.

Steve paused, his eyes locking with yours and that feeling in his stomach returning once again. 

He slowly licked across his lips and was quiet for a moment before answering. 

"I think he'll like the story...I think he'll like it a lot..."

You paused for a long moment before you moved your sight out of the window. 

"Well, that would make me very happy, you know?"

Steve smiled back at you, that warm feeling in his stomach slowly spreading through his entire body. There was something about you that he just couldn't quite put his finger on - you made him feel strangely relaxed yet on edge all at once, and he couldn't quite explain it.

"Why?"

"Because..." Your response was honest and sincere. "I don't know, I guess...I guess I just wish all the good things for him."

Steve was silent, his eyes not able to move from your face as he listened intently. It was at this moment that strange pang in his chest became so prominent that it almost knocked the breath out of him. 

Your words were simple, yet they made his heart flutter. He didn't understand why, but he suddenly felt something he hadn't felt in years, a feeling so strong and overpowering yet so gentle.

Steve smiled, his voice coming out as nothing more than a whisper. 

"You...you really care about him...huh?"

You stayed quiet. This was weird, he was asking, yet you felt that those questions came from some kind of reflexive thought, that it was your inner voice asking you. 

So you answered, "I do. A lot."

Steve didn't say anything for a moment, the way you answered so quickly and so honestly made all hesitations and doubts disappear. He is not fighting anymore against it. He found himself looking at you intently, almost as if he were trying to read you. 

His heart rate slowly rose, and those butterflies flew and flew in circles all around within him.. 

He suddenly remembers that he didn't even know your name. You’re such a dumbass, Rogers. Captain America is just an excuse, this is the REAL reason you don’t get dates over 100 years. He tells himself. Could you be more stupid?

"I don’t even know your name." He says in an apologetic tone.

"I'm..." You thought about it and decided to go with your real name, not the one you were known for. 

Steve repeated your name silently to himself, letting it roll off his tongue and hearing the way it sounded as it left his lips. 

He paused for a moment, his face softened with a slight smile as he was saying a breathtaking thought.

"Beautiful name..."

"Thanks." And you blinked at him. "And you are...?"

A subtle laugh flickered on his face at your joke before replying, "Well...you probably know my name already, but...I'm Steve, Steve Rogers."

Your heartbeat skipped a dozen paces, but you played it cool. "I like your name too."

Steve's eyes widened at your words. He hesitated and tilted his head slightly, letting his hair fall into his eyes as he spoke gently. "You're not going to call me 'Cap' or 'Captain America'?"

"Do...do you prefer it?"

A flicker of amusement crossed Steve’s face: "No...I'd prefer it if you just called me Steve...or Stevie."

"Does...anyone dare to call you Stevie?"

Steve chuckled, "No...no one dares, no...but I think I'd be willing to let you get away with it..."

"Alright then, only because you've asked."

Steve's smile widened, a small laugh escaping his throat in response to your comment. He found himself taken aback by the unexpected emotions stirring within him. Every passing moment made him more drawn towards you, captivated by your presence. 

He couldn't comprehend why he was suddenly feeling so at ease, as if he had known you for a lifetime instead of minutes.

It was like homecoming. Instead of greeting for the first time.

Steve sat up straight again, his eyes not leaving your face. He took another moment, gathering himself and taking a breath before speaking, his voice went as gentle and as low as ever. 

"Can I tell you something?"

His gentle voice gave you goosebumps. 

"Is it a secret?"

Steve chuckled nervously, his hands suddenly becoming sweaty and palms slightly clammy, his heart starting to pound against his chest. He shifted slightly so that he was even closer to you, his eyes never leaving yours. 

"Hmm, yeah, I guess you could call it a secret..."

"Will I ever be tortured by enemies trying to know this secret?"

Steve laughed, shaking his head and leaning back once again, but still staying close to you. 

"No...no, you won't get tortured, I promise...it's just, something I just want to share with you and only you..."

"Oh, in that case...I better promise I won't tell...You've made me promise a lot of things tonight, Steve."

Steve smiled but noticed that his hands were becoming even more sweaty as he thought, and that his heart was racing like a teenager. 

"Can I...can I lean a bit closer to you for a second?"

Your body literally was screaming to get closer to him, your brain was sending some kind of alert sign, and your heart was about to jump off your chest. So you were practically a mess. You could only do as you were commanded.

“Sure.”

Steve shuffled even closer to you, his leg slightly touching yours, the feeling of just sitting so close to you creating a small burst of electricity through his body. He suddenly realized that he could feel your body heat and how much he was desperate to get even closer, to feel that warmth directly against him.

He took another deep breath before speaking, his voice still as low and as gentle as a whisper, but the butterflies within him were entering in a frenetic dance.

"I'm gonna lean even closer than this, alright?"

No, it is not alright because your heart was going to burst, but could you ever say no to him? 

"Alright." You nodded, unable to move your eyes from his.

Steve inhaled deeply at your response, his body almost aching to be even closer. He leaned in, his leg now firmly pushed against yours, his own body heat mixing with yours.

He was suddenly nervous, the words he wanted to say on the tip of his tongue. He took another deep breath, swallowing and licking across his lips before speaking once again in that same, low, gentle voice. 

"Can I come even closer?"

You held your breath, barely nodded. Just move, MOVE!

Steve didn't need you to say anymore. His body was now fully pressed against yours, his breath catching as he took in your scent. God, you smelled like fresh grass after rain. It was driving him wild.

His head was next to yours, his cheek mere millimeters from your skin, like willow leaves resting on the water, creating ripples through your heart.

"Closer?"

Your mind was blurred. "Please."

That one word was all it took. Steve realized how much he wanted you. He shifted, lifting his leg onto the bench so he was almost sitting next to you, his chest and hips now pushed against you. 

He could feel the heat from your body through his own and he got it, what was that wonderstruck homecoming sensation he had: he never wanted to be without it.

"Is this close enough?" he murmured, his voice nothing but a whisper.

You sighed, your heart pounding in your chest. With a determined look, you put your hands on his face, tracing gentle lines with your fingers.

You looked at him, your gaze holding his, as if you could see forever into his soul.

"No. If you don't mind. I'd like to be closer."

Steve's breath caught, his body burning with desire. He shifted closer, pressing against you, his pulse quickening. You felt his heat, his warmth, his desperate need, and you surrendered to it.

His breaths became shallower now, that strange feeling almost overwhelming within him. 

"How about now?"

"Well...you think...you think that the other...the other superhero that suffers from insomnia could do better?" You slowly put your arms around his neck, and pulled him to yourself. 

"Something...like this?"

Steve gasped, feeling a strong wave of electricity shoot straight to his core as he felt your arms around his neck, your body pressed against his all at once, his arms holding onto your waist, keeping you pulled close to him. His eyes flicked down to your lips as you spoke as he answered. 

"Definitely."

And he suddenly realized how good it felt, how right it felt, how much he wanted to taste you, how badly he could feel that strange, overwhelming feeling in his heart begging him to just give in.

He moved just a little more. And it felt as if he were hanging on the edge of a cliff, his breath caught in his throat as he spoke, his voice a shaky whisper.

"Can I..."

And you moved your lips up, right into his.

And all the butterflies just...flew up, and a thousand golden glitter traces exploded everywhere like magic dust rolled in the wind.

Steve felt a sudden fire ignite within him as his body ached for you, every inch desperate to feel your touch. 

He let out a small moan as he tasted you, the ache growing stronger with each passing second. 

His hands roamed sliding down your back and up to your hair, tangling his fingers in the strands as the kiss deepened. Steve wanted more, he needed more...he just couldn't get enough.

But you broke the kiss, you needed air.

So he had to, too. His breaths coming out sharp and ragged, his heart hammering so hard and fast he could practically feel it in his head. He took a moment to compose himself, his hands holding you still against him, his forehead resting against yours as he tried to control his breathing.

“I…I can’t believe I just did that…” he spoke after a while, his voice coming out as a whisper.

OMG. 

You opened your eyes and blurted out: "But...but...did...but did you like it?" 

RIGHT? Please tell me you liked it or you'll have to present your resignation to Stark tomorrow.

“Liked it?”

Steve’s hand suddenly comes up to gently push a strand of hair back behind your ear.

“I loved it.”

You gazed at him, and of course, your impulse worked so much faster than your sense: "So can we do it again?"

Steve’s eyes widened, a small, incredulous laugh escaping his throat.

“You think you have to ask?”

"And...would you mind if I...take the lead...this time?" You can barely look at him, and your voice is so low that only a super soldier could hear.

"I..."Steve’s heart suddenly skipped. God, you’re wonderfully full of surprises.

"Not at all." Not in a million lifetimes.

"Ok." You inhaled deeply to take charge, but all of a sudden, you stopped. As you were realizing something.

"W-What's wrong?" Steve didn’t dare to speak above a whisper, his mind racing through every possible reason as to why you suddenly hesitated like that.

“Is this…too fast?”

"Oh no." You immediately shook your head: "No, this is wonderful. It's just...my heart is beating so fast and so loud, I don't...I don't even know what to do with it, just...just give me a second to recover. Hold to that thought a little longer."

You wave your face with a hand, as you couldn’t breathe. Is too loud. This is too loud. Your heart was pounding too fast, you were afraid he could hear it. That everyone in this campus could hear it.

"Oh for god's sake!" He laughed so hard. His heart suddenly swelled, the moment was perfect…perfect in a way he never realized possible. He couldn't believe it, how can you be so adorable and drive him to the edge of wildness at the same time.

As you struggle to catch your breath and calm your racing heart, your eyes are drawn to him. His smile, his laughter, the sparkle in his eyes, the way he holds your hand. 

And in a moment of dumbfounded wonder, you find yourself uttering, "Are you even real…?”

He sighed, a long exhale filled with tenderness and emotions he couldn't yet understand. His forehead rested against yours as he whispered back with a smile.

"If I'm not real...your imagination is pretty damn amazing..."

"...I think this is beyond my imagination..."

Steve slowly moved his hand down to your cheek, gently brushing his thumb across the blushing skin: "Trust me, my imagination could never have come up with someone like you..."

"But..." You almost trembled under his touch, and as he raised your jaw to look at you, you finally took the lead.

"This is real." 

And you pressed your lips to his for an even more perfect second kiss.

Steve gasped.

They say marvelous things about the first kisses. But how can they say nothing about the second one?

His heart suddenly accelerating within his chest, overtaken by the sensation of your touch. He couldn't think, head completely foggy, mind blurred, with the only clarity of wanting more. 

His hand suddenly grabbed onto your waist, pulling you even closer to him, his own mouth instantly responding against yours. 

He was losing it to the urge, the need, to get even closer to you, to have all of you.

Your whole body was shivering, and when you got a chance to breathe, you uncontrollably whispered his name with a lost voice.

"Steve..."

And that's just it. 

That’s what set Steve on fire.

He slowly shifted his body, pulling you onto his lap so you were now sitting on his thighs. He leaned forwards to your ear, his hot breath on your neck as he spoke in a low whisper, his own voice almost pleading.

"Say it again..."

You opened your watery and moist eyes, and what you released was almost an uncontrolled begging moan, "Steve..." as you pressed your fingers tightly to his skin, unable to bear all these feelings.

Steve suddenly stopped all action, the sound of his name on your lips mixed with that look in your eyes sending a shiver down his spine.

"God..." He said as he breathed heavily and leaned back. Panting. 

For fucks’ sake. He thinks to himself.

"You have no idea what you're doing to me..." 

It took all the willpower within him not to act on his body's needs, not to press you down into the bench and claim all of you right there.

Your mind was so blurred and your body and heart were reacting so out of control that you had no idea what you were saying. So you just answered spontaneously in between panting breaths, "...Helping you with your sleeping problems?"

Steve chuckled. You were magical. His body was distressed after your reply, but still so pending on everything you made him feel. He looked at your blushed face and heard your agitated breathing. He couldn't understand how you truly had no idea of the effect you had on him, of how badly he wanted you right now. So he took a deep breath in, trying to hold himself back.

"Helping to sleep?" His thumb caressed your lips. "More like keeping me awake..."

"Oh..." As if you had any idea of how that had happened, ending up in his lap with this kiss that would haunt you for the rest of your life.

"So do you need another bedtime story?"

Steve chuckled again, your words bringing him back into the moment, grounding him a bit. He looked at you and smiled, shaking his head. "No, that's a wrap for today. But I need to ask you something."

Something he wanted to ask since you sat by his side tonight. But well, is not his fault that he was so easily distracted by you.

"And be honest with me, okay?" He inhaled slowly, and for a strange reason, his nerves rose again when you nodded. He slowly ran his eyes over your face, the way the light from the city below flickered on your skin. 

And for a moment he hesitated in asking, what if the answer was not what he expected?

"Are you...seeing anyone right now...? Like...do you have a...boyfriend...?"

"Oh." From all the questions on earth, this was the last one you expected. So you nodded. 

"Yeah, I do, from Mondays to Fridays, during working hours. Then, I'm allowed to hang around the campus at midnight to find a super soldier, sit on his lap, and kiss him."

Steve's eyes widened when he heard the first part, and then a loud laughter escaped his lips. 

He felt his heart filled with inexplicable joy. Damn, you were good. He was so glad, he couldn't stop smiling, and he felt his soul was full with your hand interlocked with his. As two perfect matched pieces from a puzzle.

"Well...?" You lifted an eyebrow at him.

"What?"

"Are you?" You looked at him as if it were an obvious implication. "Seeing someone?"

"No." He was firm, the small smile still on his face. He looked up at you, slowly shaking his head. "No...I haven't been with anyone for a while...I haven't had any reason to..." And he sighed a gentle whisper, "...up until now, anyway..."

You were terrible at getting indirect answers. Your brain only worked with binary stuff. So you blinked several times, making sure you understood correctly.

"And...can you consider that possibility, right now?"

Steve held his gaze steady on yours, "What if...what if I said I already had someone in mind?"

"Is she...helping you with your sleeping problems? Or...a very good storyteller?"

Steve suddenly let out a chuckle. "Maybe ...but it's not just about the sleep, you know...It's about...having that person there...that one person who's always there for you...that one person who always makes you smile..." As you.

"...that person you can always be yourself around..." As you. He thought, while observing you, expecting your reaction.

"Well..." You nodded, thinking about it seriously. "I....I don't know if I'd be a good fit but...."

"...But...?"

Steve's nerves built again as you paused for a moment, he wanted to know if you were saying what he thought you were about to say.

"But I promise I'll do everything in my power to make you smile...and...and I'll be there...always...and...I'll do anything..." 

Your lack of courage didn't let you finish under the look of Steve's gaze. He was so serious that you started to stutter and couldn't finish those stupid words.

Well done. That sounded so cliche. You couldn't believe yourself.

But Steve sat there, completely stunned and frozen, your words slowly sinking in within his mind. He couldn't believe what you'd just said, how you'd spoken to them with such honesty, such conviction. And you weren't even together yet, you weren't a couple, you weren't...anything, really.

And his stomach was twisting into a knot as he listened to your every word, as he heard the meaning behind them.

A strange kind of calm washed over him, as if a weight was suddenly slowly lifted from his chest. You couldn't have said it better. He couldn't even imagine better, and yet, everything you said was exactly what he hoped you'd say, and those words had calmed and soothed something within him he'd never realized needed soothing.

"I AM SO SORRY." You, in the other hand, were a mess while he was still wonderstruck, thinking that made him feel so uncomfortable. "I'll take it back, I didn't say anything."

"No." He replied immediately. No, don't you dare take that back from me. 

He wanted to speak, wanted to say so much, but the words failed him. So he inhaled deeply, and cupped your face in his hands, pressed his forehead to yours.

"I m, I'm just...stunned, I'm just...marveled."

"Huh?" This emotional rollercoaster was killing you. "Why?"

Steve suddenly let out a small chuckle, your innocence and naivety when it came to your affect on him just kept him in endless wonder. But he had time. You'll find out eventually how important you are. And that makes him smile. That's a wonderful word: "Eventually." Means you have so much ahead of you together.

"Because...I've never heard anyone say the things you just said to me, that's why..."

"Oh." You are not really good at interpreting people's faces. So you just don't know what to say, and to be honest, there's something else you want to ask.

"Steve?"

"Mmh?"

"Can I have your phone number?"

Steve laughed again, God, what a night. How can you be this...amazing? He pulled the phone out, turning it on and pulling up the screen as he spoke.

"Of course you can...here...put your number in..."

"Yeah..." You rubbed your nose. "I don't know my phone number...Maybe...you can search it in the...public contact list? Here, let me help you." You say while entering your complete name in the organization's internal app.

"Oh." Steve frowns. "You don't know your phone number?"

"Well, do you?" You return his cellphone after finding your contact card in the top level section.

"I know EVERYONE'S number." Steve has a smirk on his face, his playful side suddenly coming out.

"Really? WHY?" You wonder. "You're on Level 0, you should have access to everything, you don't need to have to know the numbers by heart..."

"Because...I'm Captain America, I have to know these things..."

You take this joke so seriously, you're shocked. "REALLY? You know...like all the avenger's numbers?"

Steve snorted a laugh, the look on your face priceless. Oh, you gorgeous, adorable being. And he had this urge, of kissing you again, so he smiled, leaning a little closer to you as he spoke, his hand tightening around your waist, pulling you closer.

"Yeah...yeah I do...every single one..."

Your eyes sparkled.

"Can I have Thor's?"

"What?" That got him off guard, and he answered really fast. "NO." No way. You stay away from him. You're mine. 

"Why? Does he even use these things?" You were so genuinely intrigued. "Don't you talk to him through a magic mirror or something?"

"W...what..." Steve didn't know what to answer, he was laughing and shaking his head while swiping his contacts. "No, we don't have magic mirrors, I actually do have his number, look, over here 'God Of Thunder'..."

"Wow, did you actually name him 'God Of Thunder'?" You find that incredibly cute.

"Oh yeah...I'm one of those people that put's everything..." He held his phone in front of you.

"...well here it is...there's 'The Mighty Thor', the 'King of Asgard', also 'God of Thunder'...and 'Thunder God'...pick your favorite..."

You look at him while his sight is on the screen of his phone, your voice almost a whisper. 

"And...um...what would be...my contact name?"

"Well..." Steve's eyes were glancing down to his phone at your question, wondering what he would call you. He paused for a moment, scrolling to the section of his contacts list, his thumb hovering over the small, blank box for your name. He thought for a moment longer.

"What would you want it to be...?"

And your words escaped from your mouth before you could think clearly, before you could reply with anything smart.

"What do you want me to be? …to you?"

Steve suddenly froze, his finger hovering over the blank contact name as your words echoed in his ears, filling his mind. 

He straightened his pose, his eyes met yours, looking deep into them, silently trying to figure out what you'd just said.

And he finally exhaled slowly, his thoughts racing through his mind again, unable to form words for a moment. He could only manage a quiet voice, a soft whisper.

"How about...my Everything."

And there was once upon a time, a soldier who couldn't sleep asked for a wish to a fairy.

So there you were, feeling your heart has exploded into a million shining butterflies, and all the stars of the universe have made your wish come true, you took his hand and smiled.

"Your wish is granted, soldier."

END but TBC

Continue to:

2: Lucid |

3: Reverie |

4: Nightmare |

5: Awakening |

6: Dusk |

7: Hypnagogia |

8: Lull |

9: Vigil |

10: Eclipse |

Hii thanks for reading & thanks for sticking with me this far <3 I hope you liked it and it wasn't too long to boring. This is my first time writing in english, hope it wasn't terrible :3 also, this is my first time setting this thing in tumblr, so fingers crossed it worked out okay ;_; A special hug to this lady who helped me set this up @jamneuromain (I still have no idea how this works)

Love.,

Moon.

[brainddeadd]

all i’m saying is jospeh woll x hughes sister.

"I'm just saying—"

"That I'd be better moving in with you so you can keep an eye on me and make sure I never have a life because you're the older overprotective brother, even though you're only three hours older, I know." You mimic Quinn's words as he drops the last box onto the floor with a dull thud. "Thanks for caring, really. But this is where I want to be, with the job I want, okay?"

Quinn sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, but Toronto?" He gives you a look like you've just told him you're moving to the moon. "You could’ve picked anywhere. Vancouver, Jersey, Michigan. Why not somewhere closer to... you know, us?"

"Because, Q, this isn’t about you or Jack or Luke." You soften your voice but hold firm. "I need this for me."

He stares at you, jaw tightening. "I just don't want you to regret it."

"I won't." You smile gently. "It's three hours by plane, not forever. I’ll still visit."

"Do you want help unpacking?" Luke asks from the doorway, his voice quieter than usual, as if afraid you might tell him no.

You turn to him with a grin, grateful for the distraction. "Of course, Lukey. You're my favorite Hughes brother for a reason."

"Hey!" Quinn protests, though a reluctant smile sneaks onto his face.

Luke shrugs with a smug expression. "Sorry, Quinn. Sibling hierarchy."

Together, the three of you dive into the first few boxes, organizing your new apartment bit by bit. There’s a strange comfort in working side by side with your brothers. For a moment, it feels like things haven't changed. But they have—this move is yours, and you feel the freedom of it buzzing beneath your skin.

Luke hums thoughtfully as he stacks some books on a shelf. "You nervous? About being on your own here?"

"A little," you admit. "But it’s the good kind of nervous."

"You’re gonna crush it," Luke says confidently, then glances at Quinn, who’s struggling to keep quiet. "Right, Q?"

"Yeah," Quinn mutters reluctantly, arranging throw pillows on your couch like it’s the most serious task of his life. "Just... be careful, okay? Toronto’s big, and you don’t know anyone yet."

You give him a playful shove. "I’ll be fine. You guys act like I'm helpless."

Luke grins. "You are kind of helpless without us."

You roll your eyes but laugh, grateful for their teasing even if it comes with overprotective undertones. Once most of the big items are sorted, Quinn straightens up and checks his phone. "Alright, we should get going. Jack’s waiting at the hotel."

"Already ditching me, huh?" you tease.

"Trust me, we’ll be back soon to bother you." Quinn ruffles your hair in an uncharacteristic moment of affection. "Just don’t forget to call, okay?"

"I won’t," you promise.

After they leave, the apartment feels a little too quiet, the reality of your new life settling in. You glance at the stack of boxes still left untouched and decide to take a break, heading outside for some air.

The crisp Toronto breeze meets you as you step out onto the sidewalk, hands shoved into your jacket pockets. As you wander down the street, you spot a little coffee shop on the corner and decide to treat yourself—after all, you’ve earned it.

The door jingles as you walk in, and you order a latte, glancing around as you wait. That’s when you notice him.

He’s sitting by the window, a baseball cap pulled low over curly brown hair, focused on his phone. He looks familiar, but you can’t quite place him—probably someone you’ve seen in passing on TV or social media.

"Latte for Y/N?"

You grab your drink just as he glances up, his hazel eyes meeting yours briefly. There’s a flicker of recognition in them, like he knows you, too—but before you can say anything, he looks back down at his phone, leaving you with a strange sense of intrigue.

You step outside, the encounter lingering in your mind as you sip your latte. Toronto might be a big city, but something tells you that won’t be the last time you run into Joseph Woll.

[amoirsetpacis]

Long overdue, but here's finally Vash's permanent starter call.

Liking this post means you're letting me know it's okay to hop into your inbox with either memes or whatever random ideas might pop into my head-- and vice versa! It also means that you'd be up for either receiving semi-spontaneous starters or just throwing them like so many rocks in my general direction, whether they be event related or not.

It's also an invitation to create pre-existing relationships with Vash, given some discussion, in the event you want to skip directly past the initial meeting thread.

Finally, it means that even if I post a starter call with a cap, I might ignore the cap for you if we've already worked through some relationship dynamics, hehe.

A list of what I'd be interested in is below the cut! Feel free to either IM me over tumblr or find me on the isola d/iscord as well if any ideas jump out at you!

★ Friends! Most people end up here by default, especially if you've known him for longer than five minutes. He considers a great many people friends, even if they're not close. Vash could make friends with a literal rock if you gave him more than a couple of minutes. But in reality, Vash is the sort of person who either turns others off immediately, or he grows on them like a vine-- whether they particularly want him to initially or not. He has a tendency of worming himself into other people's lives with how much care and love he has to give. He's always willing to lend a helping hand or give advice where he's able. However, he also has a tendency to keep others at arm's length while simply giving them the illusion that they're becoming just as close to him. While he cares so deeply about others, he still has a lot of trouble letting most people get any closer than surface-level with himself. There are very few people who have seen him deeper than he's wanted to allow, and even fewer among those on the island.

★ Frenemies! Despite Vash making a fair few enemies over the course of Trigun, he's also got quite a few antagonists that end up giving him some grudging respect even if they don't agree with his point of view on life. He's got a bad habit of accidentally 'befriending' people who he very much shouldn't-- and by befriending, usually it means he's managed to get himself tangled up in their schemes and has to get himself un-pretzeled. It's just that most of the time this ends up keeping said frenemy alive as well-- or sometimes also accidentally breaking them out of prison. Who's to say. A lot of antagonists end up in this category specifically because of his usual tendencies, even if he remains fairly warry of them. His self-preservation may be in the dumpster, but it's not entirely zero.

★ Enemies! Sorry, you've gone past the point of Vash's high propensity for shenanigans. You've directly threatened someone he loves in ways that he can't easily forgive-- and this is saying a lot, considering he forgave his genocidal twin. He'll still have the belief that you're worth saving, that you are capable of good and change, but he won't sit idly by if those he cares about are threatened, nor will he do so if you treat human life as disposable or lesser-than ( and go on to act upon it ). He is a pacifist though, so more than likely he won't be the first to jump to violence unless it's absolutely called for. Even then, he's committed to being non-lethal; and has significant trauma around when he had been lethal, if you'd like to toy with him about it. There's a chance he'll push himself past the brink of his capabilities, if you find the right buttons to press. One of my favorite categories, because throwing him against the wall like a wet piece of spaghetti repeatedly is one of my favorite hobbies.

★ Interactions with child characters! Vash loves kids, and has a great time horsing around with them, playing games, etc. He's very protective of children while also being just as playful as them if given the chance. He's been treated as a walking-talking-screaming jungle gym on many an occasion, and will often go out of his way to make sure that kids are safe and happy and having a good time. He's already an over-dramatic clown, but with kids it gets even worse just to crack a laugh and a smile out of them.

★ Interactions with humanoid-non-human characters! Some of my favorite threads that I've ever done have been exploring the differences in life; Vash has spent his entire life feeling othered, in some form or fashion, no matter how much he loves humans. He knows he's different, and for a long time considered himself a monster because of it-- and still does, sometimes. At the same time, he's also felt disconnected from others of his kind; before the end of the series, he and Knives were the only independent Plants on their planet, and his destructive powers vary greatly from the creative ones of his immobile sisters. Connections with others that aren't human, that have something else about them, are really interesting for him to explore.

★ Discussions on religion/belief! Challenge him. He doesn't believe in God, not really, and his ideals rub most the wrong way. Despite his bending into grey areas at the end of the series, he's still a pacifist and doesn't believe in the taking of life. Despite his goofy personality and the way he tends to phrase things, he's got a lot of philosophical thoughts-- no matter if they're hesitant to budge or not. A lot of enemies/antagonists tend to get spawned this way, honestly.

★ Annoy the shit out of him. A la Spamton and Zelos. For funsies. Why not.

[hopetorun]

🎤 maggie with the cup final in play, i have ogwacs on the brain. who are your guys who haven't won that you would most love to see get one before all is said and done? we won't define an ogwac as strictly as most, so i'd say like. if we feel like they've been around forever and they're like 30 at least we can call them an ogwac for this exercise!

oh gosh!!!! there's such an assortment of guys that i've been fond of over the years for various and sundry reasons so in no particular order of fondness but starting with oh let's say the strongest contender on the list

pomo!! you didn't say i could include non-players but i am anyway, i think he's earned the title. two scfs more than twenty years apart gets you on my list

jeff skinner revenge tour. i don't think this requires explaining. i can't believe i have to root for the sabres but christ. if there's anyone in the league who deserves it. my only comfort here is that the previous record holder for most gp without any playoff games got traded to a contender as a deadline rental and promptly won the cup that year. only good thing the p*ns have ever done for me.

taylor hall. he's one of my longest-tenured favorite guys and like. man what a rough go of it he's had since 2018. also before 2018. but i had such a blast watching him when i was first getting into hockey and i think he deserves nice things.

jordan eberle. he was never quite the same level of special guy for me but i would truly be so stoked. kr*ken stop being cowards and make him captain.

justin faulk. one of my guys!! not on the blues though. i would bust out my old extremely stained faulk jersey in his honor!

someone on twitter pointed out that if the cats win, oel will be the person player to win the cup while on the canucks payroll which i do unfortunately think is very funny. anyway i love a comeback story AND that man did his time in the wars (coyotes org) so i think that would be a lovely cap on a rough few years

honestly most of the core players from the sharks mid-teens teams. some exceptions apply. that team was so bananas good for so long and not only did they never win, i don't think any of them have even gone on to successfully cup chase anywhere else? rough. i think pavs' likely retirement leaves burns as the only guy who was really there for all of it, assuming @moregraceful told me correctly that couture is probably a perpetual LTIR guy now, and burns took a step back this season in a way that has me wondering if father time is finally coming for him. anyway it's a bummer. and on that note

erik karlsson. god i can't root for the p*ns for it but i've been fond of him for so long! yet another man who has been in the wars. one of us, etc

claude giroux. because i've had to see that goddamn quote about how he thought he'd have plenty more chances at the cup back in 2010 and he's literally never even made it back to the final. good god man

john hock. i've enjoyed his work for years (he's actually the reason the flames ended up as one of my higher ranked sure i'll put that game on teams)

dylan larkin is only 27 but like. spiritually.

i would love for sam gagner to cap his baffling, delightful resume with a cup. but not this year.

roman josi. i was hardcore pulling for the preds the season they made the final 😭

yes i did go through every roster for this. yes i did find several old guys without cups where i was like, no i want him to stay that way.

[asherloki]

10,11,17 promt with Jake

Sexy cabbie

Jake lockley x reader

Warning:- smut!

You stood outside the shopping mall waiting for either the rain to stop or a cab to arrive. And to your surprise a cab did. As you went close to the cab your eyes met with Jake's. 'oh dear' you thought to yourself, your cabbie was extremely handsome and extremely hot. You couldn't help but stare at him for a few seconds before finally speaking. Jake noticed everything and he too found you sexy to be honest. The rain made you extra hotter, with that damp hair and damp top tracing the shape of you bra.

You got inside at the back seat and he drove. You couldn't help but look at his eyes from the rear view mirror. And sometimes you'd catch him staring at you too. Your damp clothes may have felt cold but man, this guy had something, fantasizing about him made you feel hot. You planned something dirty immediately to ease your desire, as soon as you reached your flat. It rained heavily till then.

"Wanna come in ?" You asked Jake "until the rain stops?"

He looked at you taking out a cigarette, "I can stay inside this car to save myself from rain so, no thanks."

Hm, attitude huh? You thought.

"Still if you want to you can, I'd be very satisfied... I meant delighted."

Your naughty tone of voice and his naughty eyes even though denying could tell he can never mind a hookup. The driver with his moustache, the cap and his gloved fingers holding the cigerette was quite a sight.

"I'd like some water, I'm...thirsty" he said before following you inside. As soon as you locked the door he kissed you out of nowhere.

"Mr Jake lockley, hold on aren't you too desparate?" You teased.

"If you dare to tease me you won't get any of my cock, and you want it, I saw you biting your lips looking at me."

"I was fantasizing about you."

"I am better than those fantasies."saying so Jake Carried you to your couch. And started undressing himself as fast as you undressed yourself as well. He stared at your bare body and groaned,

"Beautiful, but..." Then he pulled his boxers down and his excited member popped up, "beg for it "

"Why so? Why are you teasing?" You grew frustrated, like why on earth should he make you wait.

"My rules, show me how desparate you are, touch yourself."

His orders gosh, that cabbie was really sexy, no woman could deny at all. You spread your legs a little and took your hand where Jake wanted. The sight made him wanna touch you but, he's the one wants you to beg. You started to whimper as you touched yourself. And the sight of his cock made you beg, "please Jake"

"Be a good girl for daddy then." He demanded.

"Please daddy, give it to me daddy."

He smirked and leaned on you. He teased your clit with the tip of his cock a little before sliding it in. This was enough for you to arch your back. He started to move his hips and gosh you rolled his eyes, this man definitely knows what he's doing, he definitely has experience. He brought his hand to you and his thumb traced your lips,

"Suck on my finger." He ordered and you're not gonna disappoint daddy would you? You immediately took his finger in your mouth and sucked it as he thrusted hard and fast into you. Your moans were suppressed while sucking his finger. He fucked you hard and fast groaning and moaning himself. Before pulling it out, he pumped himself a few times and white strings shot out from his cock to your tits. With that you both sat panting. Before you got up to the bathroom to clean yourself and he, after you.

"Are you still thirsty for water?" You still kept on teasing him.

"Oh señorita, yes I am".

He drank a glass of water and said, "see you".

"Yeah, it was fun right?"

"Sí" he replied with a wink you watched his from the window, unaware of him driving into the unknown adventure of being moon knight.

[mechacringekitty]

alone, desire, midnight, secret

alabastrine, ebonyeyes, bananaberry, coereba, macaron (dont need to do all if you dont want!)

under the cut..it got long again :) i wrote a whole essay, this is probably going to take you like twenty minutes to read im so sorry

alone ; Bananaberry - She's used to being alone, and often needs alone time to cool down, not often getting lonely. If she feels like she is, she seeks out Coereba [or, when she didn't have Reba, she would go to May, and May would go to her as well] She's not very different when she's alone, other than "trying" a little less in her presentation of self. Coereba - They get very withdrawn when they're lonely, like isolating themself is going to make it any better. Bananaberry often fails to notice this, so they try and tell her when they can. Reba knows she won't judge them, but it's hard to shake years of being disregarded by their family. They did feel alone for a lot of their life, as their family mostly ignored them and their needs. They're the same when they're alone. Alabastrine - Also goes to her partner when she feels lonely, which isn't very often. When she didn't have one she'd head to the bar. A lot of her childhood was spent entirely alone, emotionally if not fully physically alone, so she has a hard time even recognising the feeling for what it is. He's a lot more relaxed when not around other most other dragons, and tends to let himself go even more than he does when he drinks. Ebonyeyes - Oh boy, yeah. She's been alone physically and emotionally more times than she could count. Her upbringing on the NightWing island had her left out quite a bit, and she never really minded it. She's never been clingy to one person, so Ebony tends to just hang out in the nearest village until she's feeling better. She's much calmer when she's alone, as it gives her time to destress :) Macaron - They surround themself with other dragons, and have never really felt monumentally lonely besides a few occasions when they felt left out- being a needy little dragonet at the time. They're really bad at dealing with it, and cry into pillows whenever it happens. [They also cry into pillows for different reasons] Macaron's a lot less bubbly when they're without others, dropping their leader facade and just kind of...letting themself lose their mind a little. desire ; Bananaberry - She wants to feel whole :) she never really has, even with Reba there's something missing in herself. She doesn't really express that feeling very much with anyone, but May has a suspicion [he feels the same way sometimes]. I'm not sure what she'd do to achieve that, since it's not exactly a material goal. Coereba - Oh, how they won't admit it to anyone, but they want to be human again. Or at least to forget they were ever human. They'd never tell Bananaberry on account of not wanting to hurt her feelings, even though she wouldn't be hurt. They'd do a lot of things to turn themself back; mass murder is probably the cap where they'd stop. Alabastrine - Burning desire to rule, as much as he tells himself it's desire to keep his tribe and mother safe from his grandmother. As you can probably conclude...not very open. Won't even admit it to himself. He's already leading a revolution against the queen, so I'd say he'd go pretty far. Ebonyeyes - She desperately wants to be appreciated. Even in her role as a teacher, she never felt like anyone truly wanted or needed her skills. She's quiet about it, like most of her other emotions, but sometimes it slips out in the way she talks if you know her well. I don't think she would be very up to doing anything that involved hurting others, but everything else is fair game. Macaron - All they want is for their tribe, most especially their family, to be free. They're very open with advocating about this- er, not so much around the HiveWings, but otherwise very much! They'd kill for it, will and have, depending on where they are in their timeline. 1/2 because it got. too long

[willows-adventures-in-words]

Previous chapter here. There's only a few more chapters to post after this one. Though chapter 10 is incomplete...

Heros & Villains chapter 6 word count: 1,047

~-~-~

Jackie woke a couple hours later to the sound of a light tap against the door. He hadn't intended to sleep, but once he had comfortably settled back into the warm bed... With a groan, he shifted to find where he left the water bottle. As he opened and drank from the bottle, the door cracked open. Jackie's eyes turned to the door. Magnificent stepped in once he noticed him awake. He was holding up a cell phone. “Ah, you're awake.” Jackie stared at the phone. Was that?

“He wanted to see how you were.” Magnificent spoke up.

So it was his doctor friend. Jackie put the cap back on the bottle and set it aside so he could sit up. “You patched me up doc?” Jackie asked, voice a little strained.

“I did, yes.” Came the doctors voice from the phone. “You are having a difficult time. I think you should take it easy.”

“You got that call on facecam or something?” Jackie asked, now situated against the backboard of the bed.

Magnificent went to speak but the doctor spoke before he had the chance. “It is because he insists we not meet.” Magnificent turned his attention back down to his phone and tapped a button. “Yes, yes. I know your complaints. Let me see my patient.”

“I'm not giving him the phone. No, I'm not taking that risk.”

Jackie sat quietly listening to the conversation, wondering what the point to this was. Though he wasn't ignoring what was being said. Maybe the doctor could answer some of his questions. It was worth a try. “Why doesn't he want us to meet?”

“He is afraid you will report me.”

“You think I'd report him?” Jackie asked turning his attention to Magnificent.

Magnificent looked up at him. “Won't you?” There was a sharpness to his tone. One that Jackie didn't expect.

“I... No, should I?” Jackie asked. “I mean, as far as I can tell he saved my life.” He paused for a second as realization smacked him in the head. “And, so did you...” Jackie lowered his gaze. Anywhere but at Magnificent. “I don't know what would have happened to me if I didn't run into you.”

Thunk. Jackie quickly looked up as Magnificent muttered apologies while bending down to pick up his phone. “Sorry. Sorry, I-”

“You should go sit down.” Came the doctors voice. Something in his voice snagged on a memory. Magnificent just nodded and moved out of the room. Jackie could still hear the doctor softly talking to Magnificent. Suggesting calming tea if he was able. The sound of a door closing shook Jackie out of the daze that he found himself in. He knew the doctor. His voice, now that he really thought about it, was familiar. It had to be the same person. The same doctor. He'd helped him before. Multiple times actually. Schneeplestein. Dr. Henrik Schneeplestein.

Jackie looked to the open door. For just a moment he thought of leaving. But there was no point seeing as how there would still be a barrier in the hallway. He knew this. There wasn't much to do. And the doctor, Henrik, pretty much told him to rest. But with nothing to do he was restless. He could rest well enough in his own apartment since he had things to do. But here? Magnificent didn't give him anything.

He made his way out of bed. Jackie paused in the doorway for a second, looking at the door at the opposite end of the hall, before he closed the door. Best leave the privacy door closed. Stepping away from the door, Jackie glanced about the room, constantly hoping to find something else to do. He went to the window and looked outside. There wasn't anything out there that he hadn't seen last night. Though he could see it a little easier. But, where was the house located? It was obviously outside of the city. Jackie himself didn't usually leave the city. Though he couldn't deny it was quieter. More peaceful. Maybe that was the charm of living out here, away from so many people.

It wasn't quite fifteen minutes when his body got tired of him standing at the window. Jackie let the curtain close, but then pushed it so there was a gap to let some decent light in. And probably look out of from the bed. He sent one more look to the door before settling himself back in bed. What had happened earlier with Magnificent? He looked pretty out of it. Jackie wondered if, whatever it was, happened more often. Given Henrik's response that is. Jackie mulled over it for a little while but couldn't come to any conclusions.

Turning his head towards the window, he found that he could barely look outside. Unfortunately all he could see was the sky. It wasn't for nothing since he got to see a few birds fly past. Jackie was kind of excited about that. He watched for a while longer, hoping to see some more before he gave up and proceeded to stare at the ceiling. Then he sighed. “I'm so bored,” he complained. “I don't want to go back to sleep.” He laid there for a couple more minutes before reaching for the bottle of water. Before long he was back up and in the bathroom.

As far as he could tell the rest of the house was quiet. Jackie idly wondered if Magnificent was still in that other room. Though he abandoned the thought as he caught his reflection in the mirror. This time he stopped to look. He looked like a wreck. Lifting a hand to his mask he was tempted to remove it. To wash up. Turning his head slightly he eyed the shower. Jackie lowered his hand with a sigh. Later. When his body wasn't so worn and tired. Then he'd take a nice hot shower. As hot as his aching muscles and sore body would allow. And screw what Magnificent had to say about that. But... despite how much he didn't want to, Jackie went back to the bedroom to settle down for another nap.

[stereax]

Hi , i see you always posting news and stuff about every team amd i’m new to hockey and want to know more about the sport and the teams so do you know how could i do that or what should i watch?? ^^

Hi there anon!!! Nice to meet you :) I'd love to impart a little wisdom on you!

Unfortunately, you're going to have to be a little more specific here.

Are you primarily interested in the NHL? (Or do you want to follow minor leagues in the Americas such as the AHL, or the major junior leagues such as the CHL or USHL, or would you prefer European hockey leagues like the Swiss NL, German DEL, or Russian KHL?)

Do you want to follow one team extremely closely or have several favorites you track? (Like personally, I specialize in Devils hockey and can tell you way too much about it, but I track most of the teams of the NHL to some extent so I can analyze and discuss them if prompted to. Some people only really care about one team; others choose to enjoy one team from each division, for example, so as to always be rooting for someone.)

Do you prefer the analytical side of hockey or would you rather follow the narratives? (Cap structures, rulebooks, drafts, and all that can get quite complex but they're super rewarding - at least for me personally. Other fans choose not to worry too much about the analytics and prefer just to watch the games and enjoy the narratives of teams.)

Personally, I picked up a TON of knowledge from my Discord friend groups. TheBrattPack, noted Devils Twitter user, has a Discord server and it was a MAJOR reason I fell so in love with hockey. Great people, great atmosphere. Another Discord server I really like is the Reddit Panthers server - I don't know its invite status, but a Cats friend shot me the link because one of the people there livestreams the games a solid 90 seconds before my high seas sites. Really nice and welcoming community as well.

Another place to learn hockey is YouTube. Steve Dangle, who recently left SportsNet, is one of my personal favorites - his Dang-Its and Hat-Picks videos are really good to show you some of the things considered Really Bad and Really Good. He also has LFR (Leafs Fan Reaction) where he goes over every Leafs game and points out highlights and lowlights. There's also The Hockey Guy (Shannon) who talks about everything NHL - he is really strong breadthwise to learn about many teams and their strengths (and he does videos for every game), but depthwise you might want to look at other sources. If you want funny, try UrinatingTree's NHL videos - his commentary is hysterical.

Even here on Tumblr, though, there are a couple of super informative blogs. I'd like to think I'm one of them, and you can always drop in my inbox with questions! No question is "stupid", really; we all have to start somewhere. @nhlupdate is really good for general updates on the league and questions, and I recently discovered @reavenedges-lies as well - Ren has some great takes and analysis on the sport, and even taught me a thing or two about goaltender interference :).

But yeah, I think that's the basics of it. See what you're looking for in your hockey fandom and go from there. I can't answer what you should watch without knowing what you're interested in - what teams catch your eye? You might root for a local team, a team who has players you like, or even just pick a logo and go from there. Every team is unique and has its own strengths and challenges. You might find, for instance, that rooting for a team like the Flyers, who are entering a rebuild and won't be successful for a few years, is unrewarding. On the other hand, maybe you want to choose an underdog and avoid a team like the Oilers for that reason. It's all up to you. So let me know what team(s) you're interested in and we can go from there!

[ye-olde-sodor]

Family Reunion (CotL Fic)

Sorry for the lack of content, I forgot that I was real. I wanted to try something a little different than what I'd normally do, but this turned out to be super fun and easy to do, so I'll probably be doing more of these lmao. Anyways, enjoy the look into Claw of the Law!

______________________________________________________________

"Go on holiday", they said, "The Railway will be fine!" they said!

Surely the whole island won't suddenly separate itself from the entire Mainland in mere seconds! There isn't a chance that it'll suddenly become lost at sea through some otherworldly nature, don't be ridiculous! We won't have to send for a rescue crew to track the island down in order to get you and your family home!

The Fat controller sighed as he opened the door to the local Pub outside of Tidmouth Station. He looked around at his fellow patrons, and felt as though he had finally lost his mind.

The place recked of diesel fuel despite the open windows, although no one seemed to notice of care. If anything, it was like they were used to the smell of the fumes. At each of the tables, a large crowd of grey skinned workers happily drank a noncaseous black liquid from large mugs. At one table, a group of the men were playing cards. At another, they were cheering for some sort of great achievement unknown to Topham.

The Pub was rowdy, sure, but it was much tamer then what Topham had expected it to be...especially considering that he knew almost everyone in the Pub.

They were the Vicarstown Diesel fleet! His own engines!

He had already known of the sudden "change" within the Sudrian locomotives, but even after a week of being on the newly re-discovered island, he still couldn't believe his eyes. But he knew that it was them, even without looking at them he knew. He knew it was them, the same way a child knows it's mother.

As he walked to the bar in front of him he was able to recognize a few faces. The most noticeable of them was Diesel himself. Despite him wearing the same black overalls and hat as all the other diesels, his bright red turtleneck and tall posture made him stand out from the rest. Naturally, he was seated at the table celebrating a success, with his mug held high as they announced a toast.

Beside him was most likely Splatter, primarily due to the purple shirt hidden by the overalls. His brother Dodge right beside him. Interestingly, the scrapyard twins Arry and Bert were right beside them, with what looked to be Dennis at the far end of the table.

"Knowing him, he was only here for the party..." Sir Topham though to himself as he sat at a barstool. The other diesels didn't seem to notice him enter, nor did they seem to notice that it was actually him. Perhaps this was due to the winter coat he was wearing. That, and he traded his signature top hat for a smaller cap instead. He didn't think it would be that much of a difference, but clearly he was mistaken.

Just then a diesel on the other side of the bar had approached him with a notepad in hand.

The man had grey skin just like the other locomotives, except he was much paler when compared to the rest of them. Unlike the other locomotives there, he wore a black leather jacket with a teal shirt underneath it. His trousers were a shade of burgundy, with a black belt wrapped around it.

Interestingly, he was wearing on of those new fancy "chokers" that the youth were wearing nowadays. Topham never understood the trend himself, to him it just looked like a safety hazard. The locomotive also had a set of silver piercings, although Topham couldn't possibly understand how that could've happened.

The diesel had long, dark blue hair. If he didn't know any better, Topham would've assumed that it was a bird's nest given how messy the hair was. On the bright side, it looked clean and devoid of any grease or grime.

What really caught Topham's attention though, was the man's face. His face was eerily familiar, but Topham wasn't quite sure if he recognized this diesel. He had a much softer face then most other diesels, but had a stern look on his face. It was as if he hadn't smiled in years. His eyes had dark circles over them, yet his eyes were still a piercing green.

Topham was sure that he knew this man, but It wasn't until the man spoke did Topham finally put it all together.

"Welcome to Jamies, how can I help you?"

Topham's eyes shot open at the sound of his voice. He quickly pulled out a picture of one of his engines and held it out in front of him.

Lo and behold, it was an exact match. Almost. For starters, Thomas never had bags under his eyes until now, and he always had triangular eyebrows, not the long and thin ones he had now.

"Um, sir?" Thomas questioned, "Are you going to order something or are we just going to stand here all night?"

Apparently, Thomas didn't recognize him either! To be fair though, Topham had changed since they last met as well. The stress from losing an entire island and his fleet of engines had not been kind to him in the slightest. He even managed to lose a little bit of weight!

Once Topham snapped out of it, he looked at Thomas with glee.

"Thomas! Is that really you?"

Now it was Thomas's turn to be surprised! He looked at Topham, rubbed his eyes, and looked back at him. After a few moments, a bright smile had formed across his face.

"Sir! I can't believe it's you!" he cried excitedly, "I almost didn't recognize you!"

"I almost didn't recognize you!" retorted the Fat Controller, "What on earth happened to you?"

"The same thing that happened to everyone else, engine one minute, Mengine the next!"

Sir Topham Hatt crocked his head at the mention of Mengines. He had heard the word tossed around before, and through deduction he was able to figure out what it meant. While the island still had it's human inhabitants, it also had "Mengines", men who could turn into engines. From what he could tell, only the diesels could shift from one for to the other, while the steam engines were left with one form.

Regardless of what his engines were now, all that mattered to him was their wellbeing. That, and trying to save the railway from bankruptcy and forever tarnishing the Hatt family legacy.

And now that he's found his number 1 engine...he can surely find the rest of them. If he can do that, then maybe, just maybe, they can work something out to befit from this strange mess.

[squidsquadlove]

Do you think keeping Joey means saying goodbye to Driedger (or did you mean Gibson)? I know Driedgs has a big contract but I wonder if Joey will come up to the Kraken, Driedgs anchors CV, and it’s Jonesy who takes a contract elsewhere (equally heartbreaking for me, I love Martin Jones so much, but feel like I’ve been preparing for that for longer)….

Martin Jones was signed for one year specifically to replace an injured Driedger. A lot of us wanted to see Joey get the call-up, but Jones had a much stronger background in NHL games played, so I'm not surprised we went that way. I can't imagine we'll see him back, but I'd be surprised if he doesn't get another gig elsewhere! If I had to take a guess, I'd say maybe Anaheim. Maybe Winnipeg, if they move Hellebuyck.

As for Driedger, yes, I think Joey's contract means Driedgs is going, and for the sake of the cap. probably sooner rather than later. If we stash him in the minors, we're using $3,375,000 of our big league cap on him for one year (saving $1,125,000); if we buy him out, it's $3,000,000 for two years (saving $1,500,000); if we can get someone to trade for him, then if we retain max salary on him, we spend $2,250,000 (saving $2,250,000), and it could theoretically be less. But the fact that no one picked him up when we put him on waivers last year-- and he hasn't really shown anything since then, not his fault, but Joey was on FIRE-- means quite possibly no one wants to take a swing on him. 🥺 He's the kind of candidate who screams "future considerations" to me, and that's very sad and I don't like it one bit, but that's as much as two fourth-liners' salaries... $2,250,000 last year would have paid for Sprong, Borgen, and half of Froeden or Hayden, say. Or allowed us to pay for another UFA who had potential.

I think Driedger is awesome and would be a great 1A/1B goaltender. Grant Fuhr thought he looked good physically and just needed to get more playing time to get back to full speed. I would love to see him get a real chance at a full time job somewhere in the NHL. I will miss him immensely!

Meanwhile, the Coachella Valley fanbase will be DEVASTATED to lose Joey, even though it's a great opportunity for him. 🥺 But after his spectacular playoff performance, and EFFING JEFF MAREK pointing it out on his dumb show, THANKS MAREK, you big butthead, there is absolutely no way Joey would clear waivers to go back to CV. I don't want to lose him, and he's 3 years younger and way, way cheaper than Driedger. Plus he is absolutely getting a goalie goal in the NHL someday, just you wait. (At the cost of a few "IYAGTTG" moments, but such is life for a puckhandling goaltender.)

Last year I was ready to drive to KCI daily and hold a boombox over my head with a sign that said "RE-SIGN DONATO", and this year I'm not nearly as attached to him. I'm bereft at the thought of losing Geekie, but I've been saying for a full season that we won't be able to keep Sprong at a salary we'll pay for him. But who WILL we end up with?? Will Shane make the team for real? Surely Kartye is a lock! What about Kole Lind?? I think this year I am much, much more zen about roster changes. (Though I do snarl like a vampire exposed to sunlight every time Eliot Friedman suggests Shane Wright is in play for some deal. BACK THE FUCK OFF, FRIEDGE. HE IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE. OUR SHANE. OUR PRECIOUSSSSSS.)

All that to say: tomorrow may be a big news day for us. And we better lock down Dunn!

[utterlyinevitable]

↪ series masterlist  

30. Casual, yeah?

Pairing: Colin Bridgerton x Penelope Featherington   Format: textfic   Chapter Rating: T+

Summary: interlude of colin alone at aubrey hall, and we learn more about the whereabouts of ben's painted denim

30th May

Hey

I’m coming back for a few weeks. Aubrey’s free. Wanna go?

Isn't June like the most ideal month to get married?

Apparently not!

TBH I think the family was gonna go for a bit but cancelled last minute. I've been assured that not a single person or Bridgerton is planning on travelling down while I'm there.

Soooo.. you in?

I can’t get off work

You’re off your probation though?

Yeah but i only get 3 weeks of holiday and I’ve already booked up 10 days

How? You’re always at work!

Pips wedding

Oh. Right. When’s that?

August 10th. Plus all the bridesmaids stuff

I do not envy you women.

Why are weddings such a big fare? I swear Daph had a whole months of events and rehearsals leading up to her wedding day.

History and the patriarchy telling women their only goal in life is to marry??

Ouch

It’s fine for marriage to be something a woman wants, but for it to literally consume literal years of life? No thank you.

Still cynical on love, I see. I take it you’re also against marriage too

No, I wouldn’t say that.

There’s tax breaks involved 💰

Ha. Ha.

I think committing to a partner is beautiful.

Pip and Albie are perfect for one another and I am so happy these two oddballs found one another.

What's the difference between marriage and love for you? The two go hand-in-hand in most cultures.

Marriage is a choice between two people choosing each other. It's an agreement of partnership and committing to building a life together.

Love can be unrequited and irrational and make you think things that aren't really there.

So you'd rather an arranged marriage? Take the feelings out of the affair all together?

I'd rather be comfortable in myself and my career

Yeah but what about growing together? Literally building your lives together from the ground up like our parents

My parents married bc Portia got knocked up on their third date.

I f Philippa can find her person there is hope for Prudence after all.

What about you?

Apparently she's bringing a plus one to the wedding but won't tell anyone who it is!

I'm not planning on bringing anyone.

No matter who I bring i'll be criticised for taking the attention from my sisters. Best to blend in and nod when spoken to at this thing.

I'll go with you

Portia would have a conniption!

That would be the opposite of blending in

and worse than bringing a colleague

Your mother cannot hate me that much, we've barely interacted all these years!

and she must know i am heaps more delightful than Eloise!

You're a Bridgerton. She'd freak even if i brought Greg or Hya

They're literal children

Of one of, if not the most, prestigious society families.

Mum would retcon the whole day if she knew a Bridgerton was attending. Pip and Albie's wishes be damned.

Just when I thought your mother couldn't get any more eccentric...

Imagine what she'd be like at a Featherington-Bridgerton wedding 😶

You'll have to fight the mystery man for Prudence's affections

🙄 My cap has been sufficiently set elsewhere thankyouverymuch

Sure, jan

Ok anyway, I think I’m gonna head to Aubrey for a few weeks. Feel free to pop in for a weekend I’d love to see you x

11th June

I miss u

I’m only a train ride away

This place is too big and scary for a boy on his own

It's your childhood home.

You've literally only been there two days

Come see me

I can’t, Col

Pretty pwease 🙏🏻

Think of all the fun we can have Ferris Bueller-style with no one around.

I don’t think I’ve ever been here without the family let along staff.

Did I mention there’s no staff 😏

I am quite literally the only person on the estate.

I can’t.

You can. I'm inviting you.

It doesn't feel right to be impeding on your sisters spaces.

We're not friends anymore and i doubt she'll take kindly to me being around

Eloise doesn't have to know. Only the estate manager knows I'm here and blacked the time out for me.

That's worse!

I thought we agreed to be honest at the cabin

We did.

We are. 

I am.

I don't feel comfortable intruding on the aspects of your life you share with your sister.

I want to respect her right to space.

When are you going to tell me what happened between you two?

Its been a long time. I'm over it. You know how she holds a grudge.

If you're over it then... 🫴🏻

Please respect my boundaries about this

13th June

Swear you’ll keep a secret

I swear I won’t say a word.

What is it?

[Penelope sends a picture of painted denim jacket hanging on the back of one of her dining chairs]

No way!

[Hungry One 🦛 forwards a picture of a sketchbook with a pencil sketch of a girl that looks like Sophie]

I knew Sophie looked familiar!

Ben is gonna lose his mind when he finds out his mystery girl doesn’t even live in London.

Yeah but we can’t tell him

What why not

I promised Sophie

Did it mean as much to her as it does to Ben?

She… is very quiet about the whole thing.

I think so, though.

I think she’s really nervous about it all. She doesn't regret what happened but

she said she bolted after finding out he’s a Bridgerton.

You lot come with a lot of expectations and baggage.

She’s not comfortable with that

You make it seem like we’re toxic

No, just in a whole other league us mere mortals are not equipped to cope with

You handle it well

We’re under the radar. Your family doesn’t know we’re involved.

I also grew up with you lot.

She comes from a very very different background

Ben knows we talk. Among other things

Talking and dating are two different things.

If Ben finds out he won’t stop until he woos her into submission

And that’s bad because

She’s not ready for that

It’s been a year, Pen

She thought she’d never see him again.

So why steal his coat if she didn’t want the reminder?

I really do think she feels the same way

So what do you want to do about it? You’re not telling me just to gossip about your friend

I thought you’d want to know

I can’t do nothing, Pen.

It’s against the bro code.

When someone knows where the love of your life is we gotta make it happen.

You’ve gotta let Ben decide if she’s worth it to him - and if I know my brother he’ll move mountains to make it work

That’s what she’s afraid of

Why not give it a shot

I don’t know.

Fear of falling and failing I suppose

What’s the worse that can happen? They find out they’re not compatible and break up

Heartbreak is a real bitch

But it could be so beautiful! They could go the distance.

All they have to do is try.

Put themselves out there, let their hearts open up and be rewarded

We can’t tell him

Does she know I'm his brother?

Idk, she's never said anything.

I don’t think she’ll trust me if I tell her now...

Pen

Let’s let fate or destiny or the powers that be bring them together, hm

You’ve got to tell her. It’s unfair.

Wouldn’t you want to know if you were one degree away from the person you’re in love with?

I wouldn’t put myself in that situation

I’d want to know.

Even if she lived a hundred miles away, I would want to know if my brother knew where she was

if he's had dinner and drinks and has built a friendly rapport with her

I’d want the choice to act on it or not.

So, what, you tell Ben?

You tell him you’ve been staying with me and that Sophie is my friend?

and you send him knocking on my door begging for an introduction?

No. It’d be more elaborate than that if you let a Bridgerton scheme

Does he know you stay with me?

Does your family know?

He and Ant know I have a launchpad up north with a friend.

But they don’t think it’s me

I don’t know what they think

And you haven’t told them because…

We agreed to keep this casual, no?

We did and I’m not saying to change but like

reflect on why you don’t want them in know of this friendship of ours.

And then see how that might affect Sophie - someone who knows nothing of you guys

Can’t they keep it just between them?

I think she’s afraid of being just another muse.

She's seen tabloid images and obviously pieces he's done of Genevieve and Tilley etc.

You can't preemptively compare what he had with them to what he could have with Sophie

I'm not!

Believe it or not I'm being bipartisan here.

I haven't told her anything I know about Ben or the family.

I need you to keep this between us, Col. Please.

If you think that's best, fine.

Thank you❤️

but, like, what are the odds?!

The universe always conspires to point a Bridgerton to their soulmate 💛

16th June • 17:26

I really do miss you, Pen

That lonely, huh?

Yes.

But also I have had way too much time to think

Penelope read at 20:35

20:44

Do you ever think that things happen for a reason? Like everything you’re doing is meant to happen no matter how lost and listless you feel? Or how life would be different if we didn’t reconnect. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if we didn’t cross paths that night, or if we didn’t acknowledge one another, or if we were awkwardly pleasant and went our separate ways, or godforbid we left it at a one night stand. In all these scenarios I can’t even come up with a good ending. I can’t imagine my life without you, Pen.

22:06

[Hungry One 🦛 sends a screenshot of Penelope's most recent Instagram story: She’s at what looks to be a sitting room in a house party. She's surrounded by four men and Mel all huddled together for this candid picture. Penelope is just sitting a little too close to one of the guys - a boy with dusty blonde hair and skin as pale as a porcelain doll. So close that she’s perched on his lap with her arm thrown around his neck and looking just too comfortable]

Looks like you're having fun!

New friends?

17th June  • 00:15

yeah :) jealous? ;)

No....

Thinking about me in your lap?

No....

Remember that time we went skinny dipping in the lake?

I don't think it could be call skinny dipping if we were all in our underwear

but yes i remember

some idiot slipped on the dock and got a two inch splinter in his ass

Don’t act like you don’t love my ass

I’m surprised I’m not scarred for life.

you also got a temporary tramp stsmp that night

I did get into Oxford

Penelope read at 00:33

00:40

Home doesn't feel like home without you.

are you drunk?

just thinking a lot

about us? our past?

yea amongst other things

01:22

You have nothing to worry about

We're just friends

WE'RE friends

Not that kind of friends

Good. That's good

Is it

Isn't it?

[currentshift]

Questioning a kintype because we're basically the same right down to

- isolationist tendencies - talks to bugs - surrounded by decay + flies. Flies everywhere in the warm seasons. I've made peace with this. We're all friends. I like them more than people tbh. - nocturnal - eventual plans to just fuck off into the woods and probably die - don't quite feel 100% 'living' due to circumstances (albeit I've never had a NDE where I actually died, I've had moments where I probably should have--mostly heart stuff lol) - recreational drug use :3

I'd make my own drugs but I can't grow plants to save my life. They all die (although my surrounding locale is quite the forest in itself--but nothing 'good' grows here naturally except liberty caps and I'm sadly not confident in my shroom discerning abilities). The only exception are those I let grow outside but I don't touch those except to help spread their seeds, so.

I have experimented with nutmeg, though. And experimented with what covers up the taste and weird mouthfeel it induces. Cream of mushroom soup for the curious disguises the taste of 1.5tbs of nutmeg and you can make it into a meal if you mix it all in rice and veg--enough to induce hallucinations, at least the first time I used it; all times afterwards were just a 36 hour weed-like high; did not have the hangover some people complain about. Add some normal ol' black pepper to give it a better 'kick'! No but really black pepper allegedly makes the active ingredient (myristicin) more effective, or something like that.

Whoever suggested chocolate pudding that one time was a liar...

And for the curious thinking of experimenting: don't drink coffee or anything with caffeine until ~36 hours later when it's out of your system. Space use out at least a week to two weeks and keep in mind that in using it like this, it's a neurotoxin that can damage your organs. Don't use if you have heart (or liver, or kidney) problems or value your organs as it puts stress on them (especially your heart, hence why you don't want to drink coffee - it's probably why my heart likes to almost explode sometimes) and can, again, damage them. It probably won't kill you but the very last time I had it after experimenting with it for a year I fainted, lol (after, funny enough, having a precognitive dream about fainting while on it). Also keep in mind that it is a DELIRIANT. It isn't a psychedelic or a 'proper' hallucinogenic, though it can induce hallucinations. I don't think there are any emergency comedowns for a bad trip, soo... For what it's worth during my experimentation I did get a few kinmems for other kintypes. But it was mostly weed-tier munchies (for 36 fucking hours!!!) and a comfy-cozy 'the air feels soft :3' feeling.

This has been Nutmeg: As A Drug, A Review with [name you aren't getting]! Good bye.

No kinmems, though. Just "wow, we have a startling amount of things in common."

[thelostfractal]

How to not panic

This is the search I did on Google this morning. It's Wednesday, and I haven't spoken to anyone since Friday. At the beginning, everything was fine. I was even happy to have these few days alone with my thoughts, my projects, to have time to think freely, to wallow in ideas cheerfully. 

Then I checked my bank account, so as not to make a mistake and spend everything on fried chicken. And that's when I started to panic. Forty euros. For fifteen days. Thirty actually, after the panic beer pack. I also bought an onion, ketchup, and mustard to season the crappy meals I'm going to eat in the coming days.

I want to go out, to close my eyes under the sun, to feel it warming my skin, to laugh with friends and confront new ideas, maybe even new people. But stepping out of my apartment is a damn ordeal. First, I have to get dressed. Which I usually do, because staying in pajamas during the day makes me feel pathetic. So, getting dressed: the fateful moment of choosing who I will be today. Because going outside implies existing, you see. Not easy, I know. Wai… who am I then? 

I'd like to be that gray kilt I bought at the beginning of summer and still haven't worn pairing it with a cool t-shirt and casually strolling through the streets of my town looking cool. But going out in a skirt, even if it's below the knees, is something I haven't done since my young adult life. For 12 years. 

And what if I run into someone I know and they say, "Hey, you're wearing a skirt?" Panic. Alright, how about shorts then? Long shorts, of course. But if I run into neighbors and they notice the scars on my legs ? They'll think, "Ah, that explains everything." That good old pair of jeans I wear every day, at least it won't betray me. Let's pair it with one of my twenty black t-shirts. 

Then I'll have to stare at myself in the mirror four or five times to make sure my face isn't doing anything stupid. The eyes are in place, a bit smaller than expected, but it'll do. The nose looks a bit bigger than yesterday, but if I walk fast, no one will notice. The hair... damn, I'd prefer an afro to this thin, flat, straight thing that makes me look like a balding teenager. Alright, let's not do anything different from usual, that way at least no one will be shocked. And to think that when I was 16, shocking people was a passion... 

So, I've failed the first test of novelty: I'm the same person as every day. Usually, a cap helps me hide, but since the July vacation, I've gained an extra 1% of nonchalance and I can walk in the wind without hiding that f*cking five fingers forehead of mine. Good. But calm down, it's not over. 

Now I have to open the door. With the risk that my lovely neighbor might come in or go out at the same time and greet me warmly, and her little dog might jump all over me. Am I ready to handle that? Let’s analyze the sounds. Silence in the hallway. Good timing, quickly, go out, descend the stairs, cross the door, freedom. Bravo, nothing to be proud of.

And then? The easiest thing is to set a small goal, like going to buy an energy drink or something. It's about a three-quarter-hour round trip walk, not ideal, but a good compromise. Wander aimlessly, observe people, take your time and contemplate... that hasn't happened since I quit drugs. Oh yeah, I didn't tell you? Well, I'll tell you another time. 

The fact is, now I don't really have friends anymore (not related to drugs... I think), even though I never really had many to begin with. One or two here and there, but never at the same time. Not so bad, you’ll tell me. Yeah, but not enough to fill a social life, partly because 50% of these two or three friends don't want to see me anymore, and also because, remember: panic.

Yeah, it's great to hide in my vegetal lair (aka my apartment), not see anyone, and give the world the finger from my closed, secret, and solitary little world. I love it, and I really miss it a lot when I'm too far away from it. But it's also a damn fertile ground for panic. Not talking to anyone for a week, being afraid to go out, not knowing what to wear, it's really easy when you get used to it. And it becomes comfortable super quickly when you're a phobic person like me. 

So, I dream of a social life, of museum visits, walks by the harbor, concerts under the stars, laughs, and cold pints. Sometimes even some roommates, when things really go bad (lol, that will never happen). In my most courageous moments, usually after two or three glasses of wine, I can go out without caring, be the version of myself that I want the world to see, glide through life and party, and regret it bitterly the next day. Then I replay the night, how far I clearly shouldn't have gone to not feel this way anymore. Too many people, too much of them, too much of others. Too many definitions of myself. I want to cut myself to detach from this social attachment, from their lingering gazes. Yes, because I also cut myself, you might have already noticed that.

In short, it's the eternal return. I want to change, I push myself to change, I think I've changed, I don't like how I pushed myself, I want to change. We're reborn in the same life again and again, according to Nietzsche. Jerk. He ruined my life, that guy, I'll tell you about it another time. 

So, how not to panic? According to the website Healthcare.com, there's the 3 3 3 method, which involves identifying three objects, three sounds, and moving three parts of your body. Well, it's an obvious cognitive bullshit, but why not. We also could call it "just think about the present moment, goddamn it," and reproach ourselves for giving up on The Spiritual Quest since 2020. Why 2020? Guess. 

The present moment, right ? I know how to do that. I know it's hard to believe after reading all this, but I swear I had another life. I'll tell you. Apparently, I have a lot of things to tell you. And it's true that it's not stupid to connect with the moment and the environment when the brain has decided to do somersaults on a flaming motocross bike in a minefield. I'll try to remember that. It's not like I've been trying for 15 years. Didn't they say it's a path, a perpetual learning, all that? Did they? So, I'm good, I'm on track.

And if I'm on track, I can go out and buy some generic coffee without wondering if my body looks like a monster or has a normal shape, because anyway, I'm going to put on sunglasses to shield myself from your thoughts.

[dimayeon]

ʟɪᴘ ʜᴜɢɢɪɴɢ 101 — ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴs

synopsis — how do the boys kiss you?

characters — artem ; marius ; vyn ; luke

warnings — may or may not turn into steamy town IM LOOKING AT YOU VYN AND MARIUS?1!2?2! also its shorter hcs tis time bc i usually only write two at a time sob

ᴀʀᴛᴇᴍ ᴡɪɴɢ.

— he's one of those types where he has no idea what the fuck he's doing, but once he knows what the fuck he's doing — he knows what the fuck he's doing

— it won't come as a surprise to say that artem's a novice in love, nor would it come as a surprise to say that artem has no idea on how to kiss.

— he tried turning to google, but it only ruined it for him instead

— "am i supposed to eat their face out???"

— trashed google figuratively — it isn't good for reliable sources OR tutorials smh

— though, after much trial and error (do NOT ask him where and how he practiced), he was able to experience just how great it could really be.

— SOFT KISS SOFT KISS SOFT KISS

— this bb does not want to hurt you even if it's just lip hugging :'( omfg he's so precious i caNT

— often has a hand at the small of your back and the other hand gently cupping your neck to angle towards him

— kisses you as if you're made out of glass, touches so feathery and gentle and sweet and soft

— you will forever remain confident that there is nothing more meaningful

ᴍᴀʀɪᴜs ᴠᴏɴ ʜᴀɢᴇɴ.

— this bitch i swear

— he think hes the master of all masters and will have your knees incredibly weak, and that no kisses from him WON'T turn into make-outs

— the most infuriating part is that he's right

— he gently nips your bottom lip then soothes the sting with his warm tongue, cupping your jaw or even taking your chin and forcing you to face upwards (gently, though), and you fucking bet he's kabedon-ing against the wall glass panes of his office in pax

— bro he'd totally try to go for that string of saliva when he pulls away bc he thinks its cool hELP

— always tries to carry you bridal style every single time his lips press against yours at some point in the kiss (THAT ARE SO ANNOYINGLY SOFT WTF MARIUS WHAT ARE YOU USING???) and your hand usually smacks his arm away as a sign to not push the limits

— though, there are a few rare times when he actually is successful at carrying you and that's when your knees can literally cannot work anymore from how powerful and intoxicating his kisses are

— can and will always leave you breathless in the best way possible

ᴠʏɴ ʀɪᴄʜᴛᴇʀ.

— his kisses is what i'd describe as baiting the prey...

— then going for the kill.

— it's kind of like a mixture between artem and marius, except he's far more aggressive than marius if he wants to.

— this sussy bitch istg

— there are times when you actually feel lightheaded at times from the intensity of his kisses, when he places a hand on the back of your head and the other arm looped around your shoulders and his other hand resting comfortably on your shoulder cap

— he knows exactly how to push your buttons in the most wrong and right ways possible, knowing how you react to certain things — knowing what'd you be like mentally during and after the kiss.

— he's not only a genius in psychology but also at kissing

— move out of the way maribitch, vyn's taking your throne

ʟᴜᴋᴇ ᴘᴇᴀʀᴄᴇ.

— oh, luke.

— it's mild kisses.

— not that there's anything wrong with mild kisses, rather it is quite endearing and cute, just like he is.

— his kisses are honest, loving and soft. not quite as gentle as artem is, not as aggressive as marius, either—right in the middle. yet somehow, he manages to hit your sweet spots.

— the way he caresses your lips with his is just like his personality. sometimes clumsy yet playful, confident but earnest — and ever so loving.

— nothing to mention that has the word "bitch" in it this time. he wants to make sure that he treats you as if you're his world (and you are, literally) but he isn't the most experienced in terms of kisses compared to someone like vyn.

— ok im going to tease him a little, he dEFINITELY PRACTICED ON HIS FUCKING PILLOW I CANTHWNEHQRHWKEJ

— ahem, all jokes aside

— you might need to see the dentist more often from how sweet luke and his kisses are.

dimayeon © 2021

all rights reserved.

[i-writes-things]

The Secret.

Part 7 Finale pt.1

Avengers x Fem!reader

(+ \) Platonic, Angst

summary- The newest Avenger keeps a big secret from the rest if the team....

Warnings- swearing, mentions of death, Gunshots and torture 

I made this gif*

"Who are you?"

"Who am I? ha! I am Zemo, Baron Zemo. I hear you are a Avenger now?" he asks "no?" he asks again

...

"Well if your not going to talk to me then you just might respond when we put your son, Jake on. hmm, how does sound."

"I'm not telling you anything!" You shout at Zemo

~~~~~

Natasha speed walks down the halls of the Compound into the kitchen, stopping to talk with them about you.

"Guys-"

"Nat, glad you could make an appearan-"

"Y/n is missing, and I think I know where." she says worriedly

There are many responses to this, but mainly concerned faces

---

"No that won't work it's Hydra-" Natasha responds

"Knew it!" says Steve pointing to Tony

The team comes up with a plan and heads to your last known location, which funny enough is where you are.

~~~~~

"Aggh!" You scream as the electricity runs through your nervous system, leaving you extremely exhausted.

"You feeling ready to talk yet?" Zemo asks politely, but his demeanor only makes you more angry with him

You hesitate, but shake your head "no" you snap at him

"Well we have tortured you enough physically." He chuckles and walks out of the room, leaving you to be confused.

Two men enter and slap duck tape over your mouth and tie your hands together as tight as possible, they lead you out of the room.

Hearing only the silent footsteps of the two men and your breathing

You know now isn't the best time, but probably the only time you will have the chance.

One of the two men would be luckier than the other in this situation.

Knocking one to the ground and kicking the other in the groin, both going to the ground but that wasn't enough, they would get back on there feet any second, you had to think fast...

It felt like hell, but you kept pulling your hands through the rope, giving you a burning sensation in your hands as you kept going, one of them was getting to there feet.

"Com- Come on" you groaned to yourself

The guy pulled you away from the hook on the wall that you had the rope on trying to pull it off of your hands.

But in his doing so, your hands slipped through the rope and you got straight to work, elbowing the man and pinning him against the opposite wall punching the shit out of him, he fell to the floor unconscious.

The other man still on the ground holding his groin in pain. You hit his groin again over his hands and punching him in the face, knocking the lights out of him. You finally put the two in a closet together and left..

~~~~~

"So, Hydra really has her?" Thor asks in disgust

"I think so." Natasha says giving him a sad look.

"And her 'son' what about him, is he here?" Tony asks.

Steve is looking at Natasha for an answer.

"That, I don't know." She looks down, mad at herself for not trying to find him first for you.

---

The east wing is quiet. Should it be this quiet Romanoff?" Steve asks through comms

"For Hydra, they sure as hell know how to hide." she responds

"It seems the western side of this 'base' is also quite soundless." Thor says quietly

"Hey, Natasha there are a few life forms coming up ahead, they look pretty immobile, though." Bruce says obstervantly looking at his screen from the Quinjet

"Ahead, where?" she asks Bruce "The closest closet, up to your left."

She opens the door, gun in hand.

"They're unconscious, Banner. Could Y/n have done this?"Natasha asks the team

"Maybe." Tony sounds sure

"That silly misguardian, what has she done now." Thor says lovingly

"A total possibility." Steve responses with everyone else

"She sure as hell tried." Clint says finally speaking up "I was going through Hydra's camera footage, and there is some alarming stuff going on, in the North wing, I-" He grunts, taking a few steps back "I'd love some team spirt, and some help..." He says almost yelling with heavy breaths over comms

"On our way Clint." Steve reassures Clint, as everyone heads to the North wing in the HYDRA base

~~~~~

"Clint watch out!" You yell going to tackle him out of the way, but instead he gets sucker punched in the face by non other than Revenger Steve. You end up tackling him instead. You both on the ground, you go at him punching the shit out of his "pea brained asshole!" type of face, but before you are able to do enough damage, another Revenger pulls you off Steve. Throwing you against the opposite wall.

"Th- thor is that you?" You say head swirling.

"No. I am ThunderMan." Revenger Thor says steadily, picking you up in the air by your throat.

"Wel- your-" You gasp for air trying to break his grasp around your neck

Finally. The rest of your team was making there way into the room, slightly confused.

Natasha didn't waste time she charged Revenger Thor and got him off you in seconds.

Gasping for breath you thank her.

"Nat. They have- Robot versions of all of us.." You breath out "There clothes are different colors though."

"Is your son here?" she asks, kneeling over you

More Revengers come crashing through the ceiling as she shields you from the ruckus.

"If they do, I know where. I'll be fast." You say fast

"No. Your not going alone." Natasha says stopping you, giving you the look knowing it was her or you weren't going at all.

"Me and Y/n are headed to find her son, we'll be back Rogers." She smirks, running with you out of the room and down the hall.

~~~~~

The chaos that was now behind you and Natasha, knowing the guys would be fine without you, you relax, not fully though your son was probably in danger.

"Y/n/n?" Natasha asks you innocently

"Hmm?" You look over at Natasha walking with her down a long hallway

"Why didn't you tell us?" she was looking at you now

"I didn't want the world to know about him, the danger this job brings to me, is so great already. I couldn't pull him into that danger, the thought that he might be kidnapped at any moment, that's too much stress for me.." You chuckle looking at the tiled flooring ahead of you

"So I'm guessing, all the late meeting arrivals and being so stressed on missions. They all pertain to him, Jake?" She asks and you look up to her at his name.

"Yeah." You chuckle it off again, but there is only silence from her "Sorry. For everything. I should told you guys so much earlier about Jake and I just didn't, it was a shitty mistake, I'm sorry Nat." you say flatly turning a corner, finally realizing where the room is, before Nat could say anything else to you, you were going at a run to the sadly familiar door.

"Y/n?!" Natasha shouts at you as you stumble to open the door

"They- kept him her-" The door swings open with a loud slam against the wall.

You couldn't believe the site. Jake was sitting a chair, in a large glass tube, looking extremely scared til he noticed his mommy was in front of him.

Natasha is shocked walking up next to you.

"Is that-?" She asks shaken

"Yes-" You breath out

"Momma!" Jake shouts in joy

"Momma look!" He pointed to his head

"Hat!" He had a hat on, one you knew too well.

"No!" You shout and run up to the glass, breaking it after a few good punches to a weak spot.

Zemo runs in yelling, shots are fired, but from who and at who you don't know yet, all that matters is that Jake is alright..

He is crying by the time you pick him, holding him close, telling him "It's ok... It's ok, baby. Mommy's here." You hold him and seeing that Natasha had shot Zemo a few different times and took out 5 or so Hydra minions, She looked at the site of you with your son, she was happy for you, but all of you had to leave. Now.

~~~~~

"Tony? Are you Tony or are you Tony?!" "It's me Sir Captain O captain!!" Yelled one of the Tony's waving there arms in the air, Steve immediately obliterating that Tony.

"How'd you know that wasn't me, Cap?" Tony asking now fighting robot Thor.

"You don't talk like that, Stark." He says breaking off Revenger Nat's full left arm and hitting her with it to the ground.

"You know Rogers, I didn't think you would betray me this fast." Robot Natasha says flirtatiously to him as Steve finally pulls the cords out of her head.

Her voice breaks up and finally goes off line, as Revenger Steve picks up Steve and pushes him up against a wall.

"You touch my girlfriend again, I'll kill you." Revenger Steve exclaims

"She already is big guy." Steve says upsetting Revenger Steve further, and punches Steve full force leaving him stunned and trying to regain his strength, but the kicking, punches and shield body slams are not helping at all.

"Clint you seem to be quite out breath?" Thor asks him trying to hold Revenger Hulk away from everyone

"Yeh, I am one of the only Avengers that doesn't have a super power, so yeah I'm getting tired Thor." He says flatly, shooting a few arrows at Revenger Hulk.

"We could use Banner, right about now!" Tony yells "Where is he anyway?"

"He's out in the Quinjet. Tony you literally were the one to make him stay there." You say over comms rushing down the long hallway back towards everyone, Natasha stops you in the middle of the hall.

"Go. Get Bruce for us will you?" She looks down at Jake and back up to you. "Get Jake..." Jake looks up at Natasha at his name "..and yourself safe in the Quinjet, we can handle this." she says pointing her thumb to the chaos that was right ahead.

She smiled sincerely at you, something she hadn't done in a long time. You returned it quickly. Yelling over your shoulder to not die at Natasha as you and Jake leave to get Bruce.

~~~~~

On your way out you hear someone groaning in pain.

You walk into the room, the same room you had just taken Jake from.

Seeing Zemo lying on the ground with a shot in his leg and two in his stomach, blood flooded the ground

"Y/n. Help me." He groans out

You look down at him, hand over Jake eyes so he doesn't have to see the gruesome site that is a dying Zemo.

"No." You say steadily "Hydra will die, as with you." you says flatly and leave

---

"Bruce! Bruce! They need the Hulk. Now." You say running into the Quinjet

"You have a so-??" You set Jake down to push Bruce out of the huge jet, watching him run off, turning into The Hulk and jumping over the building to go fight.

You quickly make sure Jake is inside the jet before putting it on lock down.

After a few minutes

"Mommy?" Jake whines

"What's up?" You ask him looking over the controls of the jet.

"You were all gone." he says upset that you weren't there for him.

You stop what you were doing and pull him in for a kiss on the cheek "I know I was, and they won't ever get to us again, ok?" he nods in response and you hug him close hearing the faint crash of Hulk breaking into the base

~~~~~

"AAAGGGGGGG!!" Hulk swings in crashing a new hole in the ceiling towering over the other smaller Revenger Hulk, Smashing him to bits in seconds.

He didn't know the difference of who was who, so Barton and Stark almost got smashed, but Thor was the one to throw the Revengers at Hulk so he could just smash them, this worked for maybe 10 minutes before he smashed Thor into the ground.

Leaving everyone horrified, Hulk yelled and jumped out of the large room, hearing him stomp on the floor above them, dust falling from the ceiling as he went by.

So far only Natasha, Hulk, Thor, and Tony was down on the Revengers, and only Clint and Steve to go which was a very unfair fight, but there robots why would they care.

So they fought. It was a quick fight, Natasha fighting Revenger Clint to the ground, and Steve punching the fuck out of em. Thor threw his hammer at Revenger Steve, which turned out he caught it. Throwing it back at Thor, knocking him out. Clint shot the last strike to his Robot. Revenger Steve was going to be a bit more trouble, once he got sight of Natasha he melted thinking that was his girlfriend. Steve got jealous of himself. Steve finished Revenger Steve off in a matter of minutes.

Finally done battling, they all rushed to the Quinjet.

~~~~~

Everyone walks onto the Quinjet wrapping you and Jake into a group hug.

They all went there separate ways to clean wounds or get the Quinjet out of here, you go and sit the launch bay, It was quiet there. Jake needed to sleep, after being up for almost 2 days straight.

Natasha had finally found you.

"You know, I have missed you." She says and you look up at her

"Well, I haven't been very far." You look back down at your sleeping son

Nat comes sits next to you

"I'm just glad your safe, Y/n/n"

"I'm just glad we are on good terms again Nat."

She gives you a side hug

"I'll leave you two alone, and Tony said he was having a party later tonight, I don't know why in gods name he would have a party right now, but it's Tony so." She slightly smiles at you, doing the same you watch her leave

Finally looking down at your sleeping son, Jake, you smile

"Were finally safe." You say quietly to him and kiss his forehead

Your secret was safe, with the Avengers, you knew they would protect you forever.

Ahhhhh!! ‼️ This story was very fun to write and if anyone has any requests I would love to hear them I mainly do platonic stories!! ❤️❤️ I can try to write for any marvel character but the ones on my master list are the characters I am most familiar with!