#I woke up in a cold sweat at 3 am and my brain was telling me to write this and also tumblr crashed twice and didn’t save for me so LOL …

[fishbugdotpng]

Dinner Bell the Mafuyu song ever …

Starting off — “warmth” is a word Mafuyu uses a lot in the story, the physical feeling she associates with love, though she doesn’t quite know that it’s love yet. However, as a child, she still understood and could experience emotions, and in memories, she associates the positive ones, again, with warmth. In the events Mirage of Lights and Guiding a Lost Child to What Lies Beyond (+ the cards associated with them), she has memories of her childhood and feelings associated with warmth/cold, specifically in relation to her mother. Mafuyu wants to go back to the way she was a child; she wants to understand what she’s lost sight of now but had when she was little.

No big analysis or connections for this one, just Hey Haha That’s So My Favorite Character Lyrics HEY!!!! Deep down, Mafuyu wishes that her parents would love her for herself, and not her accomplishments. She doesn’t want to be their good girl, their smart girl, their prodigy doctor-in-training daughter who they can brag about — she doesn’t want to need to be special to be loved. She just wants to be loved like everyone else.

(Left: Dinner Bell, right: Tricologe)

I just found these similarities really interesting. I think Tricologe is a song that Kanade wrote to be from the perspective of someone who is both like her (self sacrificial, the outside “savior”) and another person who is like Mafuyu (trapped in a life that is slowly “killing” her, the imprisoned “saved”); and these lyrics are clearly about the latter — Mafuyu even sings them in the group cover of the song. I think that both songs, “eating” refers to the state of…being, though that’s somewhat vaguely put. More specifically, eating something you don’t want to means being a self that is not truly you — Mafuyu is “fed” the unwanted expectations other people put on her, which she then mindlessly accepts and tries to fulfill. Similarly, the protagonist of Dinner Bell has “things [they don’t] want to eat” — I think this is a similar setup to Mafuyu if the previous lyrics about being “special” are any indication of their relationship with their family. I believe that the protagonist has run away from home in some capacity because of a bad familial life, and even though they still crave love and acceptance that can only be given if they live up to their family’s wishes, they know that this will “kill” them if they keep going with that. Conversely, Mafuyu already became “a corpse” due to her accepting her parent’s expectations of her and focusing her whole life on living up to them.

いい子 (good child/girl) THE ULTIMATE MAFUYU REFERENCE! Also — “The rule mom … set / I lost it by the roadside”:

Both of these cards (arguably both “by the roadside” but either way close enough) are moments where Mafuyu’s illusion/high opinion of her mother shift. First, Mizuki telling her that it’s okay to run away sometimes: Mafuyu realizes she’s not obligated to put up with this, she can put herself first — something her parents have taught her, where her consciously or not, is bad and selfish. Second, (IMO) when the image of her mother truly shatters — it’s revealed to her that that her mother doesn’t care about Mafuyu the way she’s has convinced herself she does.

Alright so I probably should have put this earlier but this is primarily a Mafuyu analysis not a Dinner Bell one so you’ll just have to deal with me here. I believe the “dinner bell” in this song represents being loved and wanted by someone, and the singer so deeply desires that — to be called to enjoy a meal because they are wanted there, to be surrounded by warmth and to be loved enough to be called back home. Mafuyu craves unconditional love and acceptance from her parents, but she only gets love on the basis of her performance in school, as well as her performance as a Person, as a “good girl”. She so desperately wants to be called by the dinner bell - to be wanted no matter if she strays from her family’s wishes, to be loved even if she’s not always with them, following them and their plans for her. She…doesn’t get that. Not from her parents, that is.

In the event Mirage of lights, Mafuyu gets sick (with a fever, woah haha that was in the song) and stays at Kanade’s house to recover. She has memories of a similar experience when she was a child, when her mother took care of her, and she makes the same request both times — to not be left alone.

Both times, the caretaker in the situation stays with her and holds her hand. But Mafuyu’s grown up now and she doesn’t get that kind of kindness and care from her parents — her mom doesn’t even notice she’s not doing well and she has to go to school sick, sacrificing the time she wants to spend on her own tasks to help other people. Her parents, especially her mom, have somewhat stopped seeing her as a Whole Person — instead, she’s their perfect little girl, a straight-A student who helps everyone around her and has a bright future. Anything outside of that is foreign to them. Mafuyu probably won’t ever get what she wants — unconditional love — from her parents. But she will get it from her friends, her true family. And that’s more than enough, I think.

[kpopscruggles]

Genre - Smut, nothing but filth

Work count - 2k & some change (of porn)

Warnings - roomate yunho and chubby reader cause that's hot, pwp (kinda), mature language, sexual content (obv), speaks about stealing panties, hints of a wet dream, yunho is obsessed with your body fr, foot kisses, unprotected sex, oral (f reciving)), dry humping grinding, It's just filth, reader is confident in this but talks about an insecure moement.

summary - after a wet dream and yunho waking up with a problem, he simple cant go back to sleep. Seeing you wake up not too long later and talk about a date that went south he realizing he's done. He needs you.

I’ve had him in my head since I went to my ateez concert so I need to shed this, also tell me what you thought.

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He panted; his body close to being drenched in sweat; The only stop was the cotton of his clothes soaking it up. This was the second night this week Yunho had that dream... 

The same dream that had been haunting him on and off this month, one week it was all his body and brain could think about, the next week his brain watched you during the day only to think of the perverted scenarios and dream about it the week after that. It was a never-ending cycle that the male could not get rid of. Looking at his phone, he hissed as the screen blinded him “3:05?” he groaned, he was now lying wide awake, still not being able to catch his breath. Eventually he had come to reality, sitting up he let a weak sigh leave his throat before pulling away the comforter and seeing the wet patch of cum in his sweats. He should have known this was going to happen as he began to think about the dream again. 

“F-fuck...so big~” He could not help but feel his heart burst like a fragile little virgin, but his body knew what it was doing. His tip a bright hot pink, watching his slit come in perfect alignment with your swollen clit before he began rubbing his cock against it. Your body shuttering at how sensitive you were “Baby please~ just let me have your cock..I need it so bad...” who was he to deny you? Denying you was never an option for him.  

He chuckled a little just thinking about it, ‘almost like a puzzle piece’ he thought before groaning and soon combing the hair from his face, coming back to the cold and harsh reality. Finally getting up from his bed he made his way to the shower, the cold one didn’t even suffice for him, but he made it work. Soon he even drank a glass of water as he sat on the couch only for it to take over his thoughts again. It wasn’t till the chime of the dryer from the closet had caught his attention. Quickly getting up he walked to open it, seeing your basket he put the items inside and placed it next to the closet door. 

He smiled to himself...he was nothing but proud. At least this time he hadn’t take your panties, yet he reminded himself he hadn’t returned the other ones. Minutes went by, Hours. It wasn't till he looked back into the hallway to see you rubbing your eye as you shut your bedroom door. It was 5 am, why didn't you get your rest? 

“What are you doing up?’ your question, that simple question but with your morning voice ached him. “Oh...nothing...just woke up early I guess.” Hearing you chuckle and making yourself your own glass of water before joining him on the couch. Yunho took a deep breath only to hide it with a yawn right after, “you still seem tired....” Hearing your words then watching you gulp the water; he could only reply by shrugging his shoulders.  

The short responding but steady conversation went on and on, yet Yunho could only admire you. Your face was so precious. He only heard small mumbles leaving your lips. “Yunho?” you chuckled causing him to snap back. God he really had to stop spacing out....” I’m listening” was all he could respond back with, which he wasn’t. He was just watching. He watched your lips move, how you nibbled on them sometimes, but only after you licked them. 

Staring at your lips didn't last long though, once you started turning on the tv to see what late night shows had one more episode before ending, that was his time... 

He being the secret pervert he was for you made sure his eyes scaled down. Straight to your breasts, scanning the area he felt his cock twitch seeing your nipples ever so slightly from your tank top, your bits of chub on your upper arm coming together with your chest and you hugged yourself slightly while finding your show to watch. Fuck your tits, his worst enemy, your chest and him had a love hate relationship. How could he love something so much without touching it, or how could he hate it so much, but it gave him an ache in his cock.  

Your full and pretty tummy, that was the part of your body he wanted the most. Your stomach made him spin in circles. Thoughts of watching the soft fat jiggle ever so slightly as he’d bury his cock in your cunt. The thought of gripping it, rubbing it, spilling his cum on it. Yunho felt sick to his stomach but only because he continued to think about how he wanted you.  

He could keep going, your legs, your thigh thighs, your cunt. Oh god your cunt...knowing behind those cute little sleep shorts was your cute chubby pussy. Knowing it was currently sitting nice and cute in your panties, in his mind it was just gushing and waiting for his cock. The thoughts of your pussy only inches from his face, placing kisses on your plush hood before stuffing his head in you. He knew you would taste so sweet.  

“Oh, I didn’t tell you, that date went awful.” you added and that made his heart hurt a little. “I think he didn’t realize how big I was, which his loss, I’ll just have to find a man who can handle me....” Yunho could handle you; he knew he could. Letting out a sigh he relaxed on the couch before watching you stretch your legs where they rested on his lap. He debated.... Should he admit this? 

“What do you think, when you think of a guy who can handle you?” he questioned before clearing his throat to try and conceal the nervous gulp he just did. His hands rested on your ankle while playing with the small star charm on your anklet before feeling the butterflies in his stomach hearing your small chuckle. Seeing you nibble on your bottom lip as you watched him fumble with the charm. Seeing you think he smiled a little, he knew you had a certain idea in your mind. He could tell you were thinking about saying something risky. 

Glancing at your pretty manicured feet he then looked up once you spoke “I want a man who wouldn’t treat me any different than if I was a skinny girl, I want to be loved like that...I'm confident don't get me wrong, but sometimes I have my moments....” he watched you sigh. “Like I dressed up for that man, I got confident enough to wear a cute tight dress just for him to see my fat and get disgusted, I guess....” Seeing you get so venerable, his poor baby. He couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to show you he loved you.  

“I loved you in that dress...” he added before rubbing your ankle and taking a glance at you. “I thought you looked so fucking good...” seeing you smile a little he couldn't. He watched your chest heave a little, he was practically doing the same, matching his breathing with yours. “And yes, I mean it...” he added simply. He couldn't take it no more, he had to have you. 

His cock growing a mind of its own, his tip already begging to be inside you. Pushing himself to that limit of holding on long enough. Using his last bit of energy, he made sure he placed himself between your thighs. Hish hands attached to your lips; his body pressed against yours. Feeling your nipples grow hard against his chest. Looking you in the eyes only for a second before attaching his lips to yours. Hearing your small moan but accept his lips just made his cock twitch in a way he could never describe. 

His cock begging to have some friction before it explodes, his only option was to begin grinding against you. “Y-Yunho~” fuck you sounded so sweet to him, hearing you moan his name almost made him so nervous he got sick. Just by those few reactions, he knew you were his, he couldn’t let you go no matter who or what was told to him. The wet patch of your shorts began reaching through his sweat. Your sticky precum causing your shorts to stick to your cunt as he lifted his hips just enough to peek.  

His rutted his hips closer, the pressure on your cunt from the weight of his lower half. His lips attached back to your neck, sucking the darkest shades of purple on your neck. “Gonna..ngh...Yunho I’m gonna cum~” your whimpers rang through his ears. His hips only got faster, you could barely hear him reply “Me too~” but you could hear his moans, he knew you did. Hearing the shaking gasp leave you and the way your nails dug into his skin he could tell you had come. Such a simple yet so sweet release. 

His hips shuttered feeling the spurts of cum fill his boxers, a groan leaving his lips while he bit on your collarbone. Taking a deep breath, he hissed slightly once lifting his hips to reveal the sick mess between you two. “I can't get enough of you~ I have to cum in you baby, will you let me? Please say..please say yes...” he added, still trying to catch his breath. Seeing you nod, he knew that he was gone.  

Sitting up completely he helped you remove your clothes piece by piece before scarring to remove his. Watching the sticky substance glisten on your cunt after he removed your shorts...gripping your leg he immediately started placing kissed on your ankle, slowly moving up your leg. He was so eager enough, but he had to let you know how badly he wanted to make you feel good and cherish what you were giving to him. Seeing your face flushed, your hands gripping the sofa pillow under your head to try and keep yourself grounded. You looked so precious. 

Dipping his head down to your cunt he groaned slight, letting out a breath and watching you shiver from it touching your clit. Your pussy was so much better to see in real time, he struck. The way he imagined it through your shorts. The sticky cum covering your pussy completely, looking up at you one last time before running his tongue over your hood, take the soft fat into his mouth licking the thin layer of cum from it. 

Hearing a pant leave your lips he groaned to himself once pulling away “I've always wanted to have you in my mouth...do you think I could be the only man to love this pussy after this?” he smirked a little before spreading your cunt. Watching your pussy lips gently pull apart, strings of cum soon disappearing the further spread. He sighed again seeing the small hole almost overflowing with the creamy substance that was gushing from you. “Your pussy is so pretty~ Why are you so fucking tempting...” he whispered the last bit to himself.  

Scooping his hands around your thighs he soon had you locked to him. His lips immediately attaching to your clit. Feeling his tongue push past the opening of your outer cunt, his tongue slowly circling your clit. “F..feels so nice~” Your hands running through his hair before pushing his head deeper into your cunt. Your actions showing him you begged for more. He had to give you more. 

Removing his arms from your thighs, one arm running up your body, caressing your tummy before his large hand gripped your breast, running his hands over your nipple. His free hand moving to your cunt, slender fingers slowly pushing past your hole, your gummy walls swallowing his two fingers. He could feel your lips tightening around him, your cunt getting warmer and wetter with each thrust his fingers gave. 

He could tell from the shaking of your hips that you were close. Enjoying himself in his own little world in your cunt, he could feel himself someone processing your release once the small begs left your lips. “Yunho~” You whispered, “Fuck Yunho~” It got louder “UGH FUCK~!” Hearing your cry leave you brought him back to reality. Your hips bucking as he pulled his fingers from you revealing the cum before he sucked them clean.  

Sitting himself up again he watched his cock, the precum oozing from his tip. A drip even falling onto your hood making you both chuckle softly. Seeing your hand come into view, it wrapped around his cock pumping it only a couple times. That dream now feeling like Deja vu once he seen his slit shape to your clit like a puzzle piece. But the Deja vu only lasted for a moment until you pushed his tip into you. 

A small whimper leaving him, he never felt that in his dream. Bottoming his cock into you he chuckled softly hearing your moan and the small squelch from how wet you were. Pulling out completely it only took a deep breath before shoving his cock back into you. “I can’t wait to give you my cum~.” His hips slowly started rocking but that wasn’t enough for his baby as you softly began begging for more. 

He picked up his pace, the small smacking sound echoed in the living room. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!” He groaned with every thrust he made. Your loud cries being his motivation to go deeper. Watching you lift your legs, placing your feet on his chest, your gold anklet bouncing with each thrust he made. Your chub jiggling along with your breast, if he didn't find a distraction soon, he was a goner. 

Immediately he took your ankle giving it a couple wet kisses before admiring your pretty feet by taking your toe into his mouth, sucking on it slightly to muffle his filthy moans. Your free leg dropping to his side giving him back the clear view of his cock disappearing in your cunt. “So big baby so fucking big!” Your cried before looking up at him, your eyes barely open as you tried not to tightly screw them shut.  

“A-all for you baby!” he muffled before gently removing your toe and going back to kissing your ankle. “This cock is all yours! My c-cum is all yours! SHIT!” He groaned feeling tour cervix kiss his tip with each go, and he knew he was about to cum. “I'm gonna cum princess!” Your leg now pushed against your chest, and he leaned down to place his forehead against yours “Gonna fill up this fat pussy~ ngh! S-show you how bad I love you, how I can't-fuck~ how I can-not go a day without you!” 

Your cunt sucking him in, begging for his cum. He could not hold it. His stomach dropped; his thighs covered in cum shivering as he plunged into your leaking pussy. The creamy substance done formed a ring around his cock, that sigh was the last straw. One more deep thrust before his warm load filled your insides. The shakey sighs leaving his lips before a choked gasp left him as he felt you cover his cock in your cum. 

Your sticky bodies holding each other tight, the suction from your cunt almost stopping him from pulling away. Soon giving in he let out a whimper before he pulled his cock away from you. A small chuckle leaving the both of you before he gave in giving you a kiss “F-feel free to use me whenever you want. I’m yours like I said” he added making you smile “I think we're gonna be closer than just roommates who fuck..” A flush formed on his face before giving you another kiss and just nodded. He had no problems with that.  

[dutifullyscreechingdragon]

Husker, Angel Dust and Alastor comforting you after a Nightmare💙

Summary: short one shots of the characters comforting you after the nightmare, feat. Husker, Angel Dust and Alastor.

Enjoy<3

Husker

You woke up in cold sweat. This again. Despite having recurring nightmares since you were little, you never seemed to get used to them. Rolling over to the other side, you attempted to fall back into sleep. All in vain. In the past, you've tried any and every way to cope with the nightmares, to make them stop, but to no avail.

You closed your eyes, and the horrifying image flashed behind your eyelids. You lay staring into the darkness of your room for another 10 minutes. Pointless to try and fall asleep now.

You got up, trying not to shift the bed too much, not wanting to wake up Husk, your boyfriend.

You slowly make your way downstairs, to the minibar. The dark was scary, but the nightmare was worse, and you were convinced, that a good bottle or two of scotch or whiskey or... Anything for that matter, would do the trick.

You picked a random bottle from the shelf, popped the cork and took a swig.

"Nice" you thought, as the warm, fuzzy feeling washed over your body.

You were halfway through the bottle, when it was confiscated from you by your not very pleased boyfriend.

"Another nightmare?" He asked, already knowing intuitively. You nodded.

"Want to talk about it?" His gruff voice echoed through the empty hall. You shook your head.

"Gimme back my drink" you grabbed the green bottle in your hand again and was about to drink, when Husk started his small speech:

"That happened the last time, Y/n. You can't keep trying to escape it by flooding your brain with all the booze. It never helps. You think it does, but it just brings more harm in the end" Husker finished his tirade, "I know all about it"

You stood in silence for a while. He softly took the bottle out of your hand. You reluctantly let him. He smiled, seeing as you didn't protest.

"Let's go upstairs, alright?" He offered you his hand. You took it gratefully.

Once in the comfort of your bed, he let you cuddle up to him. "This is better" you thought as the warm, fuzzy feeling washed over your body.

Angel Dust

You jolted up in your shared bed. Angel stirred in his sleep. You begrudgingly let yourself fall backwards, turning towards your boyfriend. After a few seconds of thought, you moved to cuddle up to him.

"Mmmhh-Y/n? What's wrong?" Angel questioned, rubbing his eyes. You sobbed, hiding your head into his shoulder.

"Are- are you crying? Tell me what's wrong" his voice, laced with concern, rang through the quiet of the night

"You were - and -and Val- and I then you- " you couldn't get out a coherent phrase, "Valentino, he- he killed you, be- because of the contract" you sobbed out "And then I was there all alone, without anyone, because - because you were gone!"

"Shhh, it's- it's gonna be alright" Angel comforted you, rubbing circles into your back "I'm fine, you're fine and I'm sure as hell not going anywhere, toots"

You snuggled closer to him and closed your eyes. You lay in silence for some time

"Angel?"

"Mhmm?"

"I'm hungry"

"Do you..... Wanna get waffles?"

"Mhm"

And that's how you ended up outside on the street at 2 am. It was a chilly night and you walked on a decently lit street, holding Angel's hand. You looked at your gorgeous boyfriend and smiled. You don't know how long you've been staring at him, but eventually he noticed.

"What is it, toots?" He raised an eyebrow

"Nothin'" you replied coyly, "just glad to have you in my life"

"I'm glad to have you in mine" he replied, giving you his oh so sweet smile.

When you got your waffles, you found a cozy spot on one of the rooftops. You watched the night lights, leaning on Angel's shoulder and started drifting off to sleep. This time, your dreams were filled with a much more pleasant sight - your lovely boyfriend.

Alastor

Your feet padded on the cold floor. You've just woken up to find the space in the bed next to you empty. You shouldn't be surprised. You've never seen Alastor sleep, hell, you and your best friend - Angel Dust - started speculating whether the Radio Demon ever sleeps...

Normally you'd go back to sleep. But not this time. You had a nightmare... And you really didn't want to be alone. So here you were, on your way to the radio tower, the only place you could think of where Alastor could be at this ungodly hour, hoping to find comfort in his presence.

You approached the tower, and your heart sunk as you remembered that it didn't have any normal entrances. Oh boy.... This is posing to be a difficult challenge. in the end, you settled for climbing up the metal structure and to knock on the window... If he's there, he'll let you in, if not... you're screwed.

The cold of the metal bars erased any remains of sleep in you. You rapped on the window with your knuckles. Suddenly, you heard a staticy voice from behind:

"Well, well, what do we have here?"

It startled you so much, that you lost your balance and would've plummeted all the way down, if a pair of arms hadn't caught you.

"It would be appreciated if you didn't go around falling off of radio towers" he scolded you lightly. You just nodded in return.

He teleported you inside the tower.

"Now what brings you to my humble work shop? Especially in the middle of the night" he enquired you with an unfaltering smile.

"A nightmare", you replied truthfuly.

"A nightmare? How peculiar! I don't get those. But I suppose you came here for....comfort?"

His remark made you feel stupid. It shouldn't, but it did. You managed a small nod.

"You know I'm not good at comforting" his voice shifted from the usually cheery tone, to a more confused one, maybe lost? Sad, mayhaps... "Yet you came to me, now why might that be?"

You shrugged and were about to turn to leave, when he continued:

"Very well, then. You're free to stay"

"Look, I don't want to be a bother, it was a bad idea anywa-" you've already started leaving, when his voice interrupted you

"Stay" he seemed surprised at this as well "I- I need an opinion, before the next broadcast anyway" he tried to salvage his pride. You both knew he didn't need help with the broadcast. You managed a smile.

"If you insist" you replied cordially, forgetting about the bad dream altogether

In the end, you ended up staying huddled in a blanket in the radio booth until late in the morning, drifting off to light slumber, to the sound of his staticky voice.

A/n: Thanks for reading, I hoped you enjoyed <3

[luciferlightbringer]

Talk to Me

Chapter 4

Lucifer x Fem Fallen Angel Reader Word Count: 5.1k CW: Angst, trauma, trust building, slow burn, enemies to lovers(ish?), lies, curiosity Guess who is finally gonna talk to each otherrrr?

|Chapter 3|Chapter 4|Chapter 5 (Updated through Chapter 5)

As happy as you were to be back at the nice new hotel, with nice new rooms, and nice new… friends(?), that didn’t mean that there was still a lot that you were trying to get used to. A lot that still felt overwhelming.

You had gone to sleep that night feeling ready to take on getting to know the others in the hotel, even briefly said hi to a couple of them, Angel, Husk, Cherri, and Niffty. But the next morning you woke up in a panicked cold sweat, and the tightened feeling in your chest about being around sinners.

You stayed into your room for a couple days, only sneaking out to get food.

You spent much of that time moving between freaking out and trying to figure out what to do to help other sinners. You just wish you had someone to talk it out with.

As if to a sort of answer to your prayers, Charlie knocked on your door. You slowly opened the door before giving her a panicked hug. She held you close and stroked your hair.

“Charlie, I’m so sorry I have not left my room… I’ve been meaning… trying to… but… I’m still so overwhelmed… I know that no one here will cause me harm… but I can’t help but think…”

Charlie shushed you as she held you, “Hey, it’s ok. I’m not upset, don’t worry. I know that I am wanting to encourage you but also not push you too far… I’ve made that mistake before… what do you feel like you need from me?” You thought, you’d never been asked that before. You think you would usually be the one asking Emily that in the past.

“Well… talking helps…”

Charlie smiled and moved further into the room with you, closing the door, sat on your bed and patted next to her “Tell me what is on your mind.”

You went to go sit by her and sighed, “I… I don’t know… I guess the first thing is… other sinners scare me… I don’t know what to do.”

Charlie thought, “Well… other sinners can be scary, but they can also be nice too. You never know what it is that made someone come to hell. I’ve always had the thought that sinners might not always be bad people.”

You gave Charlie a confused look.

Charlie thought again, “Ok uhh… let’s take Angel Dust for example. He’s a porn star. Why do you think he became a porn star?”

You shrugged, “Because he was a pornstar on Earth?”

Charlie shook her head, “Not the case actually. What would you say if you knew he grew up on Earth in the Mafia, with no way to escape, and spent most of his energy protecting his little sister?”

“That’s… huh…well being in the Mafia is bad… but if he was trapped in it… and he was protecting his sister… then that’s good…”

“He also is protective of others here at the hotel,” Charlie added, “He is almost like an older brother to Niffty.”

You thought for a minute about this, “But… how did he end up here… as a porn star?”

Charlie shrugged, “Lots of people end up here and get pulled into the… errr rough culture of Hell. Somehow he found his way to Valentino, the Overlord of the Porn Industry, and they made a contract.”

“And the cycle continues all over again,” you realize.

“Exactly,” Charlie added.

“And he is back repeating the same mistakes, because that’s what he needed to do to survive on earth,” you perk up more.

“Yes,” Charlie adds with more excitement.

“And… if he is becoming more good at the hotel… or doing more good things… it’s because…”

“Because he has a community to help him learn that there is more outside of that place of survival. That he can have support that isn’t abusive. Support that is kind and helps him find what he wants without being evil.” Charlie added.

You felt like your brain exploded. People weren’t just bad to be bad, some people were bad because of the community around them. Your heart broke.

“Some people on earth…” you start to choke on some tears, looking at Charlie “Some people on earth… had no chance of being good in their lifetime, did they? Not because they didn’t want to, but because they did not know how? Because they were not in a life where they were able to be around good people? They were trying to be the best they could in a bad environment?”

Charlie nodded, “Exactly.”

Tears streamed down your face, his realization made you so sad and so angry. So it was not just that people chose to be good or bad? Was there a gray area in the middle?

Charlie rubbed your back as you cried. She was… surprised by your response. She would hoped it would click, but something about this made you so upset. Questioning things? She was intrigued at the thought that this was not something that was understood by all sinners, but she guessed that everyone was different in their understanding. Everyone on earth experienced such vastly different things, it was hard to consider any sort of “standard” to the human experience.

Your tears soon settled, and you continued to look onto the floor, “I want to understand more… I want to.. to hear people’s experiences more… see more of this in action. But how would I do that?”

Charlie thought, “You could… just offer people a space to talk! Like… just saying you will be there to listen? Maybe talk them through some ideas if they want that?”

You thought and nodded, “Ya… that might work, but how would I get people to want to talk to me?”

Charlie stood up and started to pace around the room as she thought, “Well… I could encourage it as part of the hotel curriculum. Maybe they can get out of other activities occasional if they talk with you. Ultimately, them talking to you would need to be for their benefit though. Not just for you learning… Hmm…” Charlie continued to pace.

“Well… I think I would have to promise not to share anything outside of that conversation with anyone,” you added.

“Right! Hmm… we might want to be careful with that though,” Charlie said, “I don’t want anyone to abuse that. Like say if someone told you about something where they want to harm someone else or the hotel? I think you wouldn’t be able to keep that secret.”

“Oh ya, good point,” that though made you a little nervous, but you had to be prepared for anything, “I would just have to tell people the rules at the beginning.”

“That sounds good.”

“Ok… I can work with that… I think I with want to brainstorm for a little while more before starting anything.”

“Totally!” Charlie perked, “It sounds like an amazing idea that we can run the idea past the others. But for this to work, it would help if you started to come out and interact with them some more, what do you say?” Charlie held out a hand.

You looked at her hand and smiled, you knew she was right. You took her hand and followed her downstairs.

You took the rest of the evening and the next few days getting to know Vaggie, Angel Dust, Husk, Niffty, Cherri, and Alastor more. Though Alastor didn’t share much about himself other than the general vibe that he was powerful and scary. But overall the others did not make you feel bad about needing some time to get used to Hell, many of them had died a long time ago but they all remembered it being hard, even though they all varied in how much they accepted their placement in Hell.

Several days later, Charlie brought up the idea of your “Talk Time” with the other members of the hotel, and they were given time to talk through their worries or concerns.

“How do you know you ain’t gonna move to conversation to what you want? How do you know you ain’t gonna judge us?” Angel asked.

“Hmm… everything in that room is about you and your story. I want to learn more and support you guys. And if you ever do feel that way, you can tell me. I’m not forcing anyone to be there, I’m there if you want to talk some someone,” you responded, “Anything you tell me, I’m gonna do everything I can to meet it with curiously, not judgement. I’m not gonna be perfect, but I wanna try.”

“How do you know you are actually going to keep our secrets? What stops you from just blabbing them to all of Hell?” Husk asked.

You thought about that, and you looked at Charlie and Vaggie. You knew there was a certain type of silence spell that was sometimes used in Heaven, mostly for people on themselves so that they would not accidental spill secrets. It’s a spell that Adam should have used when it came to the exterminations, but his pride got in the way and he didn’t. You were curious if either of them had magic like that.

“Do either of you have magic that can cause a sort of silencing spell? One that could force me to not be able to talk about certain things?”

Charlie and Vaggie looked at each other and thought. Alastor in the corner of the room gripped his cane, thinking of the magic threads that kept his own secrets locked away.

Vaggie thought of the same angelic seal that you had, she found it cruel though, but she understood the reason here. Part of her was curious about how you had thought of that so quickly, but now was not the time to dive into that.

“I do”, she said “It binds you to keeping secrets within specified parameters, like if it were to be like “You are are bound to keep the secrets of Charolette Morningstar, so long as keeping the secret would not cause harm to others.”” Or something.”

You nodded, that sounded right, “Can we try it so everyone can see?”

Vaggie nodded and began the spell, saying it the same thing she had said before, then she prompted Charlie to tell you a small secret. Charlie came up and in your ear whispered “I accidentally used Vaggie’s toothbrush one time before we were officially dating and I’ve never told her and I feel really bad about it.” You wanted to laugh because it was such an innocent secret, but your face remained neutral.

You turned to the group and attempted to say the secret but all that happened was your lips sealed shut and a red X marked over your mouth, silencing you for a moment before disappearing. You tried it again, and the red X appeared. You looked out to the group.

“Any further questions or concerns?” You ask the group.

“Will that happen for anything we tell you?” Niffty added.

Vaggie answered, “I can set it just so it happens involving information said when you are in her room, this will also incentivize you all to only talk to her about heavy stuff during times you meet with her, so that you aren’t just randomly coming up to her. Got it?”

The rest of the group nodded.

“How long will we have to talk to ya for?” Angel asked.

You shrugged, “As long as you like I guess, but I might have to cap it at some point. We will workshop it and see how it goes. I’m gonna start offering it a couple days a week and then I’ll increase time as I feel ready for it.”

That seemed to be the end of the questions for now. There was always room for more questions.

You started your open office hours the next day, your door was open and you were just hanging out in your room. No one came in for most of the day, but closer to the end of the day, Angel came walking in.

“Hey,” Angel said in the doorway.

“Hey! You wanna come chat?” You ask.

“Not really, but yes… but Husk said it might be a good idea, let’s get Vaggie going with that silence spell though,” Angel added. You called for Vaggie, she set the spell, and then you and Angel were alone to talk.

Angel sat in silence for a few minutes, thinking. He sighed, “I talk ‘bout my shit all the time but I don’t know where ta even start ‘ere” he buries his face in his hands.

You thought a moment, “How about today? Is there something that is bothering you today? You said Husk told you to come up here.”

Angel sighed, “Alright, buckle in toots.” Angel started by telling you about his boss, Valentino, being an absolute monster to him. You asked some questions and Angel went back into the details of how he ended up on the end of Val’s chain. How he had arrived to Hell much like you did, scared and alone, although he figured some of his family was down here, but he didn’t want much to do with them. There was no hotel then, and all he knew was finding someone in power to protect him.

He got a job in Val’s company since he knew sex and acting were things he could do, and he quickly gained the favor of Val. But Val didn’t just like him, he was obsessed with him, Angel had to live with him and be on call basically 24/7 for shoots and for Val personally. Protection didn’t matter if it wasn’t protecting him from the biggest threat in his life, which had become Val himself. But he was trapped, he learned about the hotel and got set up over here. The hotel was the only remotely safe place he had now and he was thankful for that. He then went quiet.

“I understan-“ you started to say.

“No! No you don’t! No one does. Don’t hit me with that crap, I get it all the time,” Angel snarked as he crossed his arms.

You wanted to snap at him but you took a breath, remembering this isn’t about you, that’s probably his pain.

“You’re right,” you said. He looked up at you with surprise and confusion, “You’re totally right, I’m sorry, I don’t… I guess I mean… I see your pain, I hear your suffering… I see you Angel. You just wanna be safe.”

He stared at you a moment and nodded “Ya.”

“And you want to have people around you that will want to protect you?”

He nodded again, his arms going more slack, “Ya.”

“And if you took part in the battle with Heaven, I’m gonna guess you have found that here, and you wanna protect them, too. Right?”

He nods, fighting the tears that welled in his eyes, “Heh… I’m glad you got that silence spell, wouldn’t want everyone to know how mushy I am.”

You shrugged “I think many of them would appreciate it, but that is up to you.”

Angel smiled “So uhh… let me know when ya office is open again. Kay? This… didn’t completely suck.”

You smiled, and walked him to the door. Once he left you closed the door and sighed, that was a lot, but it was good. You didn’t have long before there was a knock on your door.

You opened the door to see a short young man with short slicked back blond hair, a sharp smile, and button up and a suit vest, there were red dots on his checks like Charlie, did she have a brother?

“Hiya! Haha, I apologize for the intrusion, I hope I didn’t startle you. I was in the neighbor and came to say hi to Charlie and she said you were taking times for people to come and just chat with you so I thought I would came say hi!”

“Oh! Well wonderful, and… you are?” You asked.

“I’m sorry, weird are my manners, I’m Lucifer!” he said sticking out a hand.

You were suddenly full of fear and took a step back, “Lucifer…” You felt yourself trip and start to fall backwards. You anticipate hitting the floor but you stop just short as Lucifer catches you, a worried look on his face. Time feels like it slows for a second as he holds you up and you look at each other. He quickly sets you down and takes a step back.

“I’m so sorry… I really didn’t mean to scare you… I promise I just wanted to come say hi. Connect the face to the name. (Y/fn), right? Charlie mentioned you. And I wanted to give you this!” He pulls out a simple rubber duck.

You were just looking him up and down, trying to make sense of the image in front of you, and then the rubber duck. This soft and small person was the terrifying Lucifer? Why did he have a rubber duck?

“Yes that’s me. Wait. You are Lucifer?” You asked.

Lucifer nodded, “The one and only!”

You blinked and thought more, “But… you’re not scary? Do you make yourself not look scary?”

Lucifer looked at himself and chuckled “No this is how I normally look, I actually have to try to make myself look scary.”

“So you can be scary?”

Lucifer shrugged, “Yes, but I don’t like to. I’m guessing they still draw me as big and muscular with horns and fire and all of that on Earth?”

You thought back to the few depictions you had seen of Lucifer around Heaven, each one a more terrifying depiction from the last, and you made a face. “You could say that, lots of goat and snake like monsters.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes, “Eh. Of course. I can look like elements of that, but half the time I swear they are just drawing Satan and slapping my name on him. He’s like a big goat man, Sin or Wrath. He runs the Wrath ring downstairs.” He set down the rubber duck on the table next to the door. “Anyways, I just wanted to thank you for joining Charlie’s hotel. We weren’t sure we were going to get more after the extermination news. How did you find us?”

Damn you needed a good excuse, what was the one you had told Charlie the other day? You started to stand back up as you responded. “I uhh… heard something about it from the group of sinners that… beat me up. Not in a positive way but I thought I would check it out. I’m glad I did, Charlie has been so kind to me.”

Lucifer frowned, “I’m sorry to hear about your attack but I’m glad that you have found comfort with my daughter. She has such a gentle heart.” He smiled as he thought about his daughter.

You watched his eyes shine as he talked about her. Seriously, who was this guy? This gentle and kind person was the most hated being in all of creation? This was the man whose name was akin to a cursed word in the heavens. The longer you were here, the less sense things were making, and the more angry it made you.

Lucifer looked at you and noticed the grimace on your face, “Uhh… everything ok?”

You snapped back to the present and realized how twisted in frustration your face was. “Uhh… ya! I just… still have some pain I’m dealing with. Nothing to worry about.”

Lucifer looked at the light wrap on your arm and opposing leg, no longer full casts but a little wrap, “May I take a look?”

You hesitated, and he sensed it. “I wouldn’t hurt you. Some angels just have healing powers, I just want to see if your bones settled the right way.”

You paused, and then offered your arm “No cuts please.”

Lucifer nodded, “No cuts.” He walked forward and took your forearm in both hands and closed his eyes, focusing in on your bones. He could sense that this one was healing correctly, but he let out some power and finished up the healing process.

You were so nervous to be this close to him, but something about his soft touch was so disarming. He was warm and gentle. The light startled you, but then a wave of relief came over your arm. His hands slipped away and you tried moving it. It was good as new! You beamed a smile looking at it.

Lucifer smiled seeing you ease up a little around him. “Want me to do your leg next?” You looked at him and nodded.

You sat on the bed, and he knelt down to take your lower leg in his hands, closing his eyes again. This time you looked more over his features as he turned into your injury, your curiosity over him was just eating at you. And even more so… they did he almost feel familiar?

“Hmm,” he hummed. “Were you walking on this injury?”

“Uhh… ya, why?” You responded. “Why? Is something wrong?”

He looked up at you, “The bones are not healing correctly in line, that is probably what is causing more pain here.”

“That’s not good… is there a way to fix it?”

“There is… but I would have to separate the bones again to be able to heal them back in the right place. You wouldn’t feel pain but it’s not pleasant. It will feel better after that though,” he said looking into your eyes.

You grabbed at your shoulder, remembering the break of your wing. You swallowed hard, could you trust the devil?

You nodded.

He nodded, set his hands in place, and prepared you, his magic beginning to glow again. Before you knew it, there was a quick pop and then a cooling sensation of healing again. You both exhaled and then smiled at each other.

You stood up and tested your leg, you could put your weight on it without pain again! You spun around and smiled.

Lucifer smiled again, warmth filling his heart as we felt like he was actually able to do something nice for you. Filling some sense of an unpaid debt of some kind.

“I’m glad you are feeling better, anything else? I noticed you grabbed your shoulder, I could-“

“No!” You stopped your dance and held your shoulder away. Lucifer pulled back with a look of worry on his face.

“I mean… I’m sorry, it’s nothing. An old injury from… my old life. Nothing something that is actually there. Just something I think of,” you looked over the worry and pain on his face. “Shit… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to yell…”

“No it’s ok, haha, I get it, old pains from a past life and all…” Lucifer thought off, thinking of the fall.

You looked over his face again, there was something so deep about his pain, it intrigued you. It was funny how little you had known about pain as a concept just a month ago, but now, your hunger for learning about it was unmatched. You couldn’t understand what made people actually good until you realized that also made them bad, and pain and suffering seems to be a big factor. Looking at the harbinger of pain and suffering himself, it made you so curious as to what started it all.

“Hey,” you said, Lucifer looked up at you. “My… my talk times are available for everyone at the hotel, so… that includes you. If you ever want to talk about things that have happened to you… my door is open. Just… maybe not today. My last appointment was uhh… a lot. With-“ you tried to say Angel’s name but your mouth sealed shut and a red X appeared over your mouth.

Lucifer was startled by the angelic red X that he remembers seeing on the elders sometimes in the past. After a moment the X disappeared

“Sorry, silence spell. I forgot I can’t even say the name of who I last talked to. Vaggie helped me set it up,” you rubbed your mouth, that feeling was not pleasant.

“Oh interesting, so you have parameters set to not share what people let you during the talk time?” Lucifer asked. You nodded. He thought and then smiled.

“Alright, I’ll come talk to you. I’ll see you in a few days then.” He gave you a wink and then wished you goodbye before teleporting downstairs to grab his hat and coat, and saying goodbye to the others before teleporting back home.

You sighed and flopped on your bed after Lucifer left. You had met the King of Hell and lived to tell the tale. He was so unlike anything you expected. You were still a little wary of him, but the way you didn’t sense a single bit of malice or trickery about him. Just… kindness and…sadness… lots of sadness… He felt so much like Charlie, but also… not.

You thought again to the look in his eyes, the gentle way he talked about healed you, especially your leg, he could have just snapped it and healed it, but he took the time to talk you through it. You actually thought to keep that in might when talking to people, you could probably approach conversations like that.

But beyond that, he, like his daughter, respected when you said no to him looking at your shoulder. He wasn’t just searching to make you “perfect” he wanted you to have a say in things. That felt so unusual, that was something you had very little of in Heaven.

Then there was the biggest part that bothered you. Why did he feel familiar? Vaggie you could understand, she could have been a face in the crowd of Heaven that you just didn’t pick up on and she slipped your memory in the years since she was kicked from the service of Heaven. But how could Lucifer feel familiar? He fell before you were created. Had you met at another point still?

You remembered the day you came into being, your eyes opening and Sera welcoming you, explaining your role, and being introduced to Emily.

Emily… your heart hurt to think of her, your closest… friend. Tears welled up in your eyes. How you missed her. You wished she was ok. You wondering if she thought of you. If she still suffered. Or if she had just forgotten you at this point and moved on.

You shook your head, no, Emily was not like that, she wouldn’t forget you after almost 10,000 years of friendship.

You sighed and rolled onto your side, your eyes caught sight of the rubber duck Lucifer had left. You smiled. What a curious thing, and what a curious man. You floated the duck over to you and looked at it as you laid there. You realized you never thanked him for the gift. How rude of you. You would have to remedy that next time you talked with him. You smiled at the thought as you drifted to sleep.

—————————————————————-------------------------------

Lucifer returned home and flopped on his bed again, a swirl of emotions mixed up in his stomach. On the one hand he was grateful for another pleasant visit to the hotel, and a chance to meet and interact with you. On the other… there were some things he just couldn’t wrap his head around.

On the more positive end, he was glad the you seemed like a kind sinner, which also confused him, because kind and sinner should not mix, but he also didn’t even know what the threshold was for people ending up here anyway. He knew from getting to know the other sinners at that hotel that some people just had a rough exterior, but you didn’t even seem to have that. Your biggest thing seemed to be that you were very afraid of him.

He had hoped that by the end of your conversation he had put you a little more at ease. He thought that maybe you had grown up in a cult or something, that would explain many of the behaviors. Growing up with an idea of a deity that should be feared above all else or else the “monstrous devil” would steal their soul.

Pfft. As if. He had better things to do than deal in the trading of mortal souls.

Anyways, ya that was probably the case. He was just glad that you were feeling better about your limbs and you offering some of your time to talk with him. He almost found it amusing to think about talking to a mortal about his problems. As if they could even comprehend it. But it would be nice to talk to some things outside of Charlie and his rubber ducks, although the ducks were great listeners.

The things that bothered him about his visit were… interesting. The more simple part was your reaction to him looking at your shoulder. He understood the idea of an old injury but… that reaction didn’t pan out with an old one, but a new one. A traumatizing one. You hadn’t been here for long, so what could have happened to have caused such a reaction? One that you didn’t want touched or healed if it was as fresh as your other injuries? Or was it even fresher? Had a rogue exorcist gotten to you? There was no way of telling. Maybe once he had built up more trust with her, he would have more of a chance to get that question answered.

Then there was the bigger reason for his discomfort, why did you feel familiar to him, and why did you feel off to him? He had only recently started interacting with sinners and you were new to Hell, so that couldn’t be it. Maybe he had seen you in the past when he had taken a trip to Earth before with… ugh, maybe? That also seemed like a stretch. Maybe you just reminded him from someone, that was probably it. Someone from a long time ago maybe?

Curse this depression brain fog, it made trying to remember anything impossible. What was your name again? (Y/fn)? That didn’t ring any bells, so you must have just reminded him of someone, it was gonna drive him crazy.

Oh well, for now that would just have to remain a mystery for another day.

______________________________________________________________

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[jamrockshuffle]

tes·​ta·​ment noun a: a tangible proof or tribute b: an expression of conviction

spotify link / image credit

izzy hands playlist; annotations, tracklist, and details under the cut

Updated 10/16/2023: literally so much manchester orchestra towards the end. but it's MY playlist I'll do what I want

A lot of kind of emotional, dark, passionate ed/izzy in this. So just keep that in mind :) This playlist was started last year. I think all of the songs fit still, but if you're looking for the more season 2 oriented content, I will mark the songs added since it aired. Hope you enjoy! It's nearly six hours I think I have a disease.

As per the uzsh the genres run the gambit. don't say I didn't warn you - All This Time / The Beta Machine

When you rose up this morning Did you take it for granted That I'd be there when you woke? That I'd still be there when you woke? [...] If you want me to adore you Better get up off the floor now I've said all I've had to say But maybe there's some better way

- Lost at Sea / Kellermensch

The war is over and I lost I learned the hard way not to trust It's getting easier every day To watch you slip further away

- You Should Have Known I'd Leave / Vast

Love is cold Love is blind Love is a sea And I don't know what you want But I know it's not me

- Blown Minded / Young Galaxy

In my heart I have lived without aught It's been the war of attrition Between a small-minded fool And sublime intuition

- Breathe / Puscifer

honestly lads I don't know what to say it just goes ok sorry

- Holy My Hand / UNKLE

- Touched / Vast

The razors and the dying roses Plead I don't leave you alone The demi-gods and hungry ghosts Oh god, god knows I'm not at home I'll never find someone quite like you, again I'll never find someone quite like you, again

- The Rat / Dead Confederate

This fucking song. I added it over a year ago but holy shit, has season 2 made it that much crazier. Honestly the entire song is just so... i don't even know what to tell ya tbh I would paste the whole song here if I could Shoot from the back And take good aim Make sure I'm dead Bang Bang 'Cause I'm a rat There's no mistake Under the bed Where you sleep Crush the skull And make me tame Sweep it up Hide it away No morals shown In no way explained Stupid human Shit for brains I am going feral over this song and how it slides in so neatly for season 2 so far (as of posting this, episode 3) I'll follow you Into the grave And at the gates I see the passing say "The judge be judged And all the wretched be saved" I throw my curse All across your days <3 ty for coming to my ted talk

- Lovesong / Snake River Conspiracy

might be a little controversial since it's a cover of the original by the cure, but this is more the kind of music I tend to listen to so that's what's in the playlist lol.

- Structure of Love II (Renholdër Remix) / VOWWS

Take a look at me now Have I disappeared? Is this the structure of love? Are you in here? I can't get you out of my mind Your love is so hard to define

- Tusk / Fleetwood Mac

I've said it before, I'll say it again. PERFECT edizzy song. If you think this is a stede/ed song you're wrong get the fuck outta here

- Bleak / Death Machine

Hold my breath Known I am one of the walking dead you say In my chest, there is a bombing It's made of flesh it's made of flesh

- The End Is Begun / 3

Watch what you say Words can be heard from your grave Pluck from a fist full of straws You cannot resist your tragic flaws And you said what you said That I'd be better off dead Than be fed into the furnace Of the monster Shall I cry, shall I die Shall I be shot through the sky As I fly into the furnace Of the monster

- Breadwinner / BEA1991

- Martyr / Roniit, Saint Mesa

Drop all your hunger, kill your dues So give me shelter, give me proof I'll be the martyr and the muse All of your sorrow, I'll consume

- Man Overboard / Puscifer

- Ennoea / Keluar

- Complicated End Times / O'Brother

You can try and measure what I do By the sweat in my brow But you don’t know a thing about me You want to snuff the fire out

- Goliath / Woodkid

A sustained heart pain and a dark fever How did I get fooled by such a savage curse? The more I forgive you, the more it backfires Now you're dancing through the smoke like nothing else matters

- Beat And The Pulse / Austra

- Spellwork / Austra

I work alone saving my soul If yesterday hurts, tomorrow is worse Send me a sign, for my body's aligned I'm ready to waste all my limbs and my face My pores are wide open And bleed for your potion Spellwork and lies

- Feral Love / Chelsea Wolfe

Your eyes black like an animal Black like an animal Crossing the water Lead them to die

- Drift / So Below

Even if you change your mind It doesn't have to mean that it's over Even when the moment's gone I feel the same Even when you bite your tongue It doesn't have to mean that it's over Even if it all goes wrong I feel the same way, hey

- Dancer in the Dark / Scratch Massive

Where did you go? My mind is gone I'm dancing in the dark Just silent and grey It's just silent and grey

- The More I Sleep, The Less I Dream / We Were Promised Jetpacks

I lost all hope I left it with someone, some time, somewhere ago And I picture it now The house on the hill, with nobody wandering around And I cry like hell I'm hugging the floor and pretending there's somebody else The more I sleep The less I dream The closer I feel Oh my word I'm nothing but a curse Oh my word I'm nothing but a-

- Ship in a Bottle / fin

Oh, captain, let's make a deal Where we both say the things that we both really feel I feel scared and I'm starting to sink And I only sink deeper the deeper I think

- Toma / Puscifer

Stole my patience, stole my pride Snatched the rhythm from my stride Kicked my certainty up the middle Knocked the wind out of my romantic side Hopes and wishes set aflame What's your purpose here, whatcha hope to gain? Took my dignity, you took my dignity Burned a lover so earned an enemy

- The Shore / Woodkid

I walked all day along the shore I was made for loving you I drown my pain in alcohol How could you feel the same way too? My feet will not walk anymore So I guess you ought to know the truth I wonder what I am made for If I'm not meant to be with you

- Restless (16BL Remix) / UNKLE, Josh Homme

Well, I'm all restless but I don't care You don't like me much, well, me neither You go read my mind like some kind of God You live, let's have you trippin' on the same one you lost

- Ship To Wreck / Florence + The Machine

And, ah, my love remind me, what was it that I said? I can't help but pull the earth around me to make my bed And, ah, my love remind me, what was it that I did? Did I drink too much? Am I losing touch? Did I build a ship to wreck?

- Lies / CHVRCHES

Always, we can sing, we can make time Old songs, flood and flame, you could be mine But you got to show me both knees, skin and bone Clothe me, throw me, move me 'til I can sell you lies You can't get enough Make a true believer of Anyone, anyone, anyone I can call you up If I feel alone I can feed your dirty mind Like I know, like I know what you want

- The End / The Beta Machine

A million miles away from you this time I'll do what it takes I'm on my way If lines are in the sand I'll go under If I can make it in time I will bring you back with me If all that's left of you is in my head This is more than a bad dream The end of all I know

- Jealous Sea / MEG MYERS

This whole song... like bruh lmfao Everything's right, everything's wrong When you call my name I can't handle the thought of always being gone When I'm wearing this ring And I want to go out, I want to get drunk Being in love and I don't want to fight But nothing makes sense anymore And I don't think I can stop the jealousy When it comes, it comes like waves and I can't breathe And I don't think I can stop the jealousy When it runs, it runs like lightening through my teeth I want you to tell me what to do I want you to tell me what you need When you look at me like you do Don't leave, I just can't get enough I just can't get enough

- Holy Water / Zippermouth

I don't want you to save me from the demons only you seem to see But don't you dare take my pride away and strip me of my sanity I'm calling all of you out I'm calling out of you in To the party of unnatural sin And my imperfections scare you, I can see it in your eyes Water That burns my bastard mind 'Cause I can love as good as one can love someone In a perfect world is one I will love myself before I will love you

- Die For You / VALORANT, Grabbitz

Now there's only one thing I can do Fight until the end like I promised to Wishing there was something left to lose This could be the day I die for you

- Choke / Hybrid

I'm not explaining myself to you

- Give It Up / Black City Lights

The fever's own Filling in my bones and my blood It's enough But I still can't take it off It's sickening Hands around my neck And my chest is burning with my breathing

- Elijah / Blood Red Shoes

- Love You Wrong / Husky Loops

I've thought about it all along I am sure I love you wrong

- Autumn / Bear In Heaven

Silent romance guided by chance, just like everything Altogether would it ever suffocate the pain?

- Hands On The Bible / Local H

Hands on the Bible Scared like a child God holds you liable For what you've done Homicidal Stared down your idols A pretty baby Never born You can't believe it You didn't mean it But they saw you do it And they know your name

- Touch / July Talk

I want to make some space underneath my skin Cut me open, I can let you in Should I let myself be torn in two? And will you give into that side of you?

- Avalanche / Kosheen

He's nothing like me So wrong and wretched Your safe reality Is living in sketches And live out happiness With no explanation And peer out at the world

- A Long Time Away / Shearwater

A break in the clouds like a crack in a cylinder But now there's blood on the beach and a wreck in the water As the shadow arrives on the face of your innocence You feel the shock in your eyes and the shaking in your own hands

- It's No Good / Depeche Mode

Don't say you want me Don't say you need me Don't say you love me It's understood Don't say you're happy Out there without me I know you can't be 'Cause it's no good

- Always Right / Ramona Falls

God is in the things you love So don't you punch me with kid gloves

- No Tomorrow / The Birthday Massacre

Dedication to the ruin of the light within you Darkness all around It's so easy to let go of all the things that make you true Watch it all fall down You bait me, I follow And if this night feels hollow Then drown me in sorrow There will be no tomorrow

- Flood / Saltillo

I wanna watch you wreck all the paintings in my house As you run down my wall (Holes of my life) Wash away these things I never needed These papers and these clothes

- The Remedy / Puscifer

izzy @ stede bonnet tbh. well, in season 1 at least ;)

- Little One / Beck

Drown, drown, sailors run aground In a sea change, nothing is safe And strange waves push us every way In a stolen boat, we'll float away

- Becker / Autolux

That's delirium's way You know it seems so right All the entertainment they spray Atrocities contrite It brings you back again It finds you every time The blackest quote they spit into the tin can of your mind

- Eyelids / Saro

In my eyelids, I’ve tattooed your words To remember what I don’t deserve Could you be why I feel so empty?

- Found You / Django Django

I've heard my name spoken in vain so many times You called, well here I am, what is yours is mine There's nothing you won't sell But I don't want the wealth you made That's not what I returned for

- Darkness At The Heart Of My Love / Ghost

There's a darkness at the heart of my love That runs cold, runs deep

- Dangerous / Son Lux

I watch you fall Hollow and depleted A city razed Oh, to bury you beneath it

- Numb / MARINA

- Fear and Loathing / MARINA

- O My Heart / Mother Mother

And I throw my heart back to the ocean But it don't go far, it come back floating And I watch it wash it up with the dead fish But it ain't quite dead, it just is like this

- Bones / The Qemists, Kellermensch

Fearless: my heart Open my arms Laying on the dark isle Every way is down

- El Monstro / SkraeckOedlan

(There beyond the dawn we see you, but our longing is an agony) Där bortom gryningen vi ser dig, men våran längtan är ett kval (They have robbed you of your future, we belong together you and I) De har berövat dig din framtid, vi hör tillsammans du och jag

- Relocate / Kauf

Do you feel any better now? I'm trying to follow what you told me I'm just a dog, mystical empathy and carefree I can't forget the skin pulled tight, every letter read Is it your justice we never see? Do you feel any better now? Your father is lying where the bones are A little lost colony from the start I can't forget the skin pulled tight, every letter read Is it your justice we never see? We never see what only you can say We are ready for it

-> SONGS ADDED AFTER SEASON 2 STARTS HERE

- Before We Drift Away / Nothing But Thieves

- A Place To Call Home / Big Wreck

So how do you beg for what's your own Pick the pieces, lick the wounds Stoke the fire, fan the flame Squeeze the clouds until it rains Would you champion the cause? 'Til you find out what you've lost Who do you dare to call your own And where's the place that you call home?

- My Name Is Ruin / Gary Numan

My name is Ruin, my name is vengeance My name is no one, and no one is calling My name is Ruin, my name is heartbreak My name is lonely, my sorrow's a darkness

- Run From Me / Timber Timbre

- Symphony No. 7 in A Major, Op. 92: II. Allegretto / Beethoven

- Because the Night / Patti Smith

- Dear Brother / Puscifer

Reminiscing on our indestructible days The party never seemed to end We donkey punched the night away Some risky business, my friend Fortune seemed to favor us 'Round every dark and twisted bend

- The Moth / Manchester Orchestra

This song makes me so insane tbh Forced myself to take a different name Buried with metonymy Decide for me Throw the man you used to be away Bury him with rivalry entirely My entire life you've been obsessing with the light The closer that you get, the further up you've got to climb You wanna hear it hurt, you wanna feel it when he dies If you walk that path alone, you've got to look him in the eye

- Brevony / Ramona Falls

- Graveyard Shift / Battle Tapes

I fell asleep at the helm of a runaway train And laid myself at the feet of what I couldn't slay

- Black Cloud / POSTDATA

There's nothing outside, there’s nobody left There's nowhere to hide, nowhere to run or to forget No one to find you if you ever tried to And nobody tries to Sand in the sky, drowning in the wind Look in my eyes, mama, I've been contaminated Little by little by little, just a little bit Can you forgive me? Can you forgive me?

- Keel Timing / Manchester Orchestra

Yet another song that makes me insane. I put too much Manchester Orchestra in here but I'm living my best life Don’t let 'em in your bed, we're lying Don't let 'em in your bed, he is lying Little more, a little more, he is biting I was folding slowly frozen Changed for you And it wasn't right, but it wasn't wrong It was holy

- Pale Black Eye / Manchester Orchestra

This entire Song is so fucking wild I don't have yours or mine I don't hurt you like I used to Amy, you must be tired cause when you sleep, you sleep alone And understand the throne Cause if he didn't pay what he had paid I'd undeniably become erased So whatever you want Take whatever you need And bite your veins Bleed your pain Into me Goddamn I'm tired of lying I wish I loved you like I used to So hold on, you pale black eye Cause when I sleep, I sleep alone

- Strawberry Letter 23 / Shuggie Otis

- Pygmy Love Song / Francis Bebey

- In The Dark / Cathedrals

I can see you fall apart You turn away and fade out of sight But I hear you call in the night Let it go, let me hold you this time (don’t say a word)

- The Sailor Song / Autoheart

ty @soundless-storm for the suggestion :) I was your sailor, your demon, your lover Your overbearing best friend Hoping for some attention

- Megalomaniac / Aeseaes

Eye to thigh as he sharpens his blade Thick sweat, sick salt, lead bellyaches I don’t know what I’ve been drinking Dripping dread as all the lights start scrеaming Seven-inch steel bolt fed to thе head Now is then and I am now bound to forget The devil wears a cotton dress over his gun Jagged mumbles wispy warbles blushing in the sun

- Rule #9 - Child of the Stars / Fish in a Birdcage

You were a wanderer Back when you were young I remember your eyes were clear Brighter than the sun With hands so soft Delicate and sweet You learned to fall And balance on your own two feet I could only lead you so far I believe in who you are

- Vessel / Dan Mangan + Blacksmith

There are other lyrics in this song that are good too but this just reminds me of 2x01 when Izzy tells Fang to unhand him when he starts to cry Stop Wait Un Hand Me

- Cover Me / Black Math

One hand above the skin My head below the water As I float in the deep As I float in the deep

- Let It Storm / Manchester Orchestra

This is very post 2x04. For the new unicorn :) I don't wanna hold back my faith anymore I don't wanna fall into that man again I just wanna keep both my feet on the floor So let it touch me And let it storm

- Disciple / IAMX

Sorry this song is kind of a lot lol Disciple, I absolve you So forgive yourself enough to obey the naked truth That you need to be owned And you beg to be controlled

- Bed Head / Manchester Orchestra

This song is SO season 2 ed/izzy it makes me so insane it's the entire fucking song tbh I'm posting most of the song lyrics sorry. "Bed Head" is two old friends existing in two separate realities. It's a conversation about the lives they lived, the consequences of life's decisions, and finding purpose in trying to be better. Arguing with the dead I'm not alone but it sure feels like someone left Deaf notes and talking heads Carrying on your debt Blood on the bed head and volumes you left unsaid Let 'em talk and let it habit, now I'm afraid you're alone Oh, my God Let me relinquish and start to distinguish my past, and my time You and I are oil and fire, so Oh, my God Let me extinguish the habit, the sequence, the loss in my mind Now I believe in the ghost Ghost Clawing against your skin Clutching my neck said, "It's all supposed to end like this" You and I are panoramic Now I'm afraid of the ghost [...] Right by the entrance, you broke Finally, reality's taking its hold You're not who you were, but you can't let it go You're not where you're from, but you're always alone So I stick a flag in the ground I think I know who I'm living for now I am what I am, same above as the ground It's not what I want, but I'm figuring it out

I'll keep updating the annotations as I have free time :) the playlist is almost 80 songs long and growing lol. Enjoy!

[keefwho]

July 26 - 2023 Wednesday

2:26 PM

I’ve been THINKING again, not of things too crazy that would send me down a spiral. But I am catching myself twisting reality by imaging a lot of scenarios and conducting myself like they are real. Its so easy for me to do and its not easy to get a grip back on reality. I guess I’ve learned the first step would be to re-recognize my thoughts as stories confined entirely to my head. They are only words, I imagine them orbiting around the surface of my brain but they can’t get out of my skull. They aren’t in the real world. Instead of focusing my attention inwards on them, I can make an effort to focus outward and start taking new information in. 

2:58 PM

I feel the need to expand my sexual life. I’m tired of trying to keep it to myself or being afraid to branch out. I desire to be sexually involved with others and it comes from a genuine place. I have urges and desires I want to express with the right people. The prerequisite to this would be to get closer with people in general because I don’t want to be fucking strangers. It’s already one of my primary goals to open up to and get closer with more people in general. Maybe down the line I can start exercising the sexual part. It would also be good to be more communicative with the people I already want to do it with but I always fear it will taint the relationship. 

10:47 PM

I’m tired of doing this thing where I meticulously list off everything that I did. My journal is starting to become a mindless routine when it’s supposed to encourage bringing out my true thoughts and feelings for me to explore and express. I still want to objectively list everything that happened but only deeply elaborate on things I actually cared about on a deeper level. 

Last night I woke up in such a sweat, it drenched my shirt enough to have to change it and that’s never happened before. I also woke up absolutely shivering but I don’t know if it was actually that cold or if it was just me. Other than that I got okay sleep. 

Breakfast was a sausage and cheese burger which usually messes up my tummy but I figure that’s because of all the fat content. So this morning I had a cup of rice alongside it and that seems to have done the trick, my tummy handled it fine. I’ve been watching Jonbams play his Minecraft Madpack 5 modpack and I’m excited for it to get a public release. I think I want to stream a hardcore run of it and play until I achieve a goal I will determine later. Something about hardcore Minecraft gets me tingly, I enjoy it a lot when I can share it with others. The only way I see I can do that is with streaming, even if I get no viewers. 

Stream went okay. I worked well on the commission and drew a little meme. We had some discussion about people’s unnerving kinks and how it ties into artistic expression and how free that should be. I’ve always wanted to promote full expression no matter what it is, I don’t want to judge anyone’s art even if it’s heinous or worrying. The level I believe in this doesn’t vibe with most people but I still stand by it, maybe not publicly though. 

I did most of my workout. I usually walk 3 miles but I stopped at 2.2, mostly because I was reminded of my night sweat and for some reason it made me uneasy to wonder if I could have some kind of underlying condition going on along with my increased hunger lately. This wasn’t a realistic fear but it got to me enough for me to want to cut my workout short. I also skipped cleaning but to be fair it is pretty clean in here already. 

In the shower I felt frisky and messaged my friend on Telegram before deleting it. I wanted to let her know how I was feeling and maybe get her permission to think about her which would also let her know I wanted to but I decided not to bother her while she was at work. I know she isn’t as sexually inclined as me in general and it’s hard to tell when it would be at all appropriate to say anything about it when I’m feeling something. 

Lunch took awhile to make/eat since it was rice a roni again, with chicken this time. So I got to my afternoon work a little late. The request went okay and I worked more on the latest fursona pic again. I was hoping I could finish it today but I went slower than I thought. 

At this point I was trying to figure out what I actually wanted to do just to have fun. I had a painful realization that I am still so lost as a person in that it’s like I have no interests. I mostly just work on my art and stick to routines but I rarely find something that is truly enriching to me or truly lets me let go and have fun. I played some TOTK to foster this which didn’t quite do it but I was trying. I also hung out in XQC’s server VC and spoke with a few foreign strangers for awhile. During this I also put more time into my new horse avatar. 

At dinner time I called my bestie and we chatted just a bit before she was shleepy and went to bed while I streamed Mother 3. 

I just wish I could figure out how to feel like myself more. Lately I’ve been stuck in routines and have clung close to my limiting beliefs. Beliefs like how I can’t succeed at certain things or can’t have certain things like a lot of close friends or something to take interest in. I guess this means I’ve been in my own head, maybe tomorrow I can try to identify specific thoughts that perpetuate these beliefs and defuse from them. 

[marvelsbanner]

Just this once

Summary: Reader has nightmares and finds comfort with a fellow avenger. Hurt/Comfort type thing. Short and sweet <3

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings: slight angst but not between characters

Word count: ~1100

A/N: Likes, reblogs, and comments are much appreciated <3 All mistakes are my own!

You woke with a jolt, night shirt soaked with sweat and chest pounding as you took in your surroundings.

Sheets, bed, clock, room- you were in your room, you were safe.

Safe- it sometimes felt like a foreign concept to you.

Sleep was never something that had come easy to you, night terrors controlling your body and mind and keeping you awake late at night into the early hours of the morning.

The price of being an Avenger? None of you come with a clean past.

You closed your eyes and took five deep breaths, thinking back to the countless exercises your therapist had taught you as you brought your restless mind back into your body.

You opened your eyes, grabbing the glass of water on the night stand beside you and downing the rest as you sipped out of the bed.

You peeled the dampened night shirt from your body and put on a different one, an oversized ACDC shirt you had stolen from Tony.

Grabbing your empty water cup, you slipped from your room and moved towards the kitchen to fill it up and make some tea to calm your nerves.

You made your way through the darkened halls of the tower seamlessly, having memorized the way from all the restless nights since you’ve been here.

You find your way to the kitchen, filling the kettle with water and putting it on as you run your hands through your unruly hair. You lay your head down on the countertop, waiting for the water to boil.

“Rough night?” Says a soft voice from behind you, startling you and making your bones jump out of your skin.

“Jesus Nat, you scared the shit out of me!” You whisper-yelled at her, but you had a smile on your face as you turned to face the woman. She returned it, mouth quirking into an unapologetic smirk.

“Sorry, quiet steps. Life of an ex assassin and all..” she teases, moving to pour what looked to be a now-cold cup of coffee into the sink.

You looked at the clock- it was 2:24 am, was she still drinking coffee?

You supposed you couldn’t blame her, your sleep schedule was no better than hers. Thats how your friendship came to be, unlikely as it was. You were both up late into the night, meeting so often in this very kitchen that you decided it would be nicer time spent keeping each other company.

It became almost a routine, though you were relieved when occasionally the other wouldn’t show up- because that meant they were actually getting some rest.

The sleep-deprived conversations brought you two closer, telling each other stories and secrets that the rest of the team members might never know.

“You seem extra tense tonight” she remarks, a slight frown on her face as she leans against the counter.

“I guess you could say that” you reply, giving her a tight lipped almost-smile and shrug of your shoulders that held more words than what you actually said.

She nodded her head in understanding, “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

“Not really” you respond, sighing as the kettle squeals and you move to take it off of the heat.

Her eyes follow you as she seems to think over her next response carefully.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” she asks, eyes sincere and full of an emotion you couldn’t quite name.

You paused for a moment, this is usually when you would say no and you would make tea and sit in silence or make small talk about everything and nothing- but tonight you didn’t want that. Tonight you felt alone and anxious and so tired and you just wanted- needed even the smallest semblance of comfort.

You would blame it on the exhaustion, you would blame it on the nightmares, you would find some excuse for it in the morning but all you could think of right now was how comforting it would feel to be held by someone- no, not someone, held by her.

Your feet moved before your brain, taking two long strides before your arms wrapped around her shoulders and your face was buried in the crook of her neck.

She took a sharp intake of breath and you felt her tense up- this was new territory for the both of you and you realize you must have surprised her. Before you could go to move away her strong arms slowly came up to wrap around you, holding you gently. You stay there like that for a while, seeking comfort in another through touch in a way you never had before. You were interested in her, of course you were- god how could you not be? Gorgeous, strong, protective over you during missions and you never let yourself hope that she could feel the same way, but now..

But that wasn’t what this was about, this was about so much more than feelings bubbling at the surface and you both knew it.

You weren’t sure how long you stayed there, wrapped up in each others touch- it could have been a minute, it could have been 10. Much too soon for your liking Nat hesitantly moved away, her hands trailing from your back and down your arms to hold your own hands gently. Her eyes searched your face, trying to find an answer to an unspoken question before she seemingly made up her mind. She dropped one of your hands and tugged the other with her as she walked the two of you back to her room.

“Nat- what..?” you weren’t sure what exactly she was wanting from you.

The hand not holding yours came to brush a knuckle lightly over the dark purple circle under your eye, a reminder of all your tossing and turning through sleepless nights.

“You need sleep. Just this once, come lay down with me,” she walked over to the bed and pulled the comforter back and to slide in before opening up her arms for you to join. You hesitate for just a moment, but you were too tired to think of all the reasons this was a bad idea. You made your way across the room, sliding into the bed and curling up next to the woman. Her arms slip around you, holding you gently as your head rests against her chest, listening to her heart beat. You try to take steady breaths to calm your own rapidly beating heart, the close proximity something you never let yourself imagine before.

Her hand runs through strands of your hair, her warm breath against your forehead as you feel the steady rise and fall of her chest.

You let the even sound lull you to sleep, sweet thoughts in your head of the sweet woman holding you through. In the morning you could figure out what all of this meant, for now there was just the two of you in this moment.

Natasha Taglist: @tothisfeeling @pnsteblnme @ladyeliot @lovemarvelcast0105 @stephanieromanoff @romeo-the-cactus @simpforwandanat @natasharomanoffismywife @wandavixen @kawaiiusagichansan @wandafiction @stupendouscowboyhairdolover @stephanieromanoff @lazypeachsoul

[watermelonlovershigh]

You Get Sick in the Back of an Uber

AN: so this was a story i have had in my drafts for like three months and just never found motivation to finish it. i decided to finish this first out of my drafts because it was one of the ones that had the most already written for it. unlike some of my others that don't have much written yet. and this was supposed to be longer but i got lazy and ended the end with no dialogue and shorted the story. but i guess that's fine because the main part of this was the uber incident and not necessary the aftercare. (i just love to always include aftercare whether its with sex or getting sick. unless its a blurb) @harryhoney-bee suggested number 1. on my voting post so thank you for requesting i finish this one shot idea that was in my drafts.

This story contains: puke, drunken person, caring husband

{ husband!harry - dad!harry - Grammys 2021 Harry - 4 kids (any age you imagine) }

word count: 1765

When you drink too much at the Grammys, you end up having to get sick in the uber ride home and Harry cares for you.

-------------------------

Back Story-

After the Grammys, Harry and I decided to go to the little after party that was being held for the Grammy attendees. We knew we couldn't stay too long because we had to get back home to our kids. They were currently with our babysitter but she couldn't stay all night. She has to go home at some point. So we made sure to watch the time.

At the afterparty, drinks were flowing. I haven't drank in a while due to the fact I had been pregnant not too long ago. This was the first night I was allowed to drink and I decided to do just that. Harry was aware of me drinking and promised to watch and take care of me. Though we were at this afterparty for him, he wanted me to let loose and have some fun as well.

But what he wasn't expecting was for me to drink the amount I did. I didn't mean to go over board. It just kind of happened. People handing out drinks left and right and next thing I knew, I was drunk. Not tipsy, drunk. When Harry noticed how drunk I was, he decided it's best to go home.

And because Harry also had drank some alcohol, he wasn't in a state to drive either. By no means was he as drunk as me though. Maybe just tipsy but he didn't want to risk it. So he decided to call an uber for us.

--------------------

Current-

We're sitting in the back of the uber on our way home. It's about an hour drive since the city is crowded with traffic due to the Grammys. Right about now is when I regret drinking any alcohol tonight. Because I haven't drank in over a year, my body isn't use to the poison running through my veins. So you could say I'm a lightweight now. My head is throbbing. My vision is blurry. My stomach is turning. Lets just say I regret all my decisions tonight that lead to me feeling this way.

"Harrrrry I don't feel good." I manage to slur out.

"You probably should have stuck to champagne instead of vodka my love." Harry responds, while stroking my hair out of my face in a gentle manner.

Another 10 minutes pass and I'm feeling very nauseous. I'm trying to focus on my breathing but it's not working.

"Harry my stomach hurts." I whisper with hooded eyes.

"Like you're gonna be sick?" Harry questions with panic.

I nod my head and hear Harry asking the driver if he can pull over.

"Can you pull over? My wife is feeling ill." Harry frantically questions the uber driver up front.

"I'm sorry sir but this freeway is packed and there is no way I can get to the side of the road right now." the driver says with a bit of an attitude.

Hearing that made me and Harry both start to panic.

"Well do you have any sick bags in here?" my husband asks.

"Sorry I don't." the driver retorts in a uncaring tone. What kind of uber driver doesn't carry sick bags for when drunks potentially need a ride but feel like they are going to be sick?

I just barley hear Harry let out a frustrated sigh and turn to me.

"Try and relax love. Take deep breaths for me, alright." Harry whispers while rubbing my back as I'm slumped over his body, too disoriented to even hold my head up.

About 3 minutes later, I feel vomit rise up my throat. There isn't much I can to do. The driver already said he couldn't pull over, nor does he have sick bags. I sit up from my slouched position and clasp a hand over my mouth. My legs are bouncing up and down. I'm trying desperately not to puke but I'm doing a poor job. Harry is sitting up with me, trying to comfort me but his words are all a blur at this point.

"If you have to be sick darling, let it out. I'll pay to get this uber cleaned, okay." Harry states in my ear. I know he'd rather not have me puke on the floor of the uber, right beside him, but he can tell I'm struggling and in discomfort.

Hearing those words was all the conformation I needed. I remove my hand from my mouth and let out a gush of alcoholic bile spew from my mouth and onto the backseat floor board. Harry gathers my hair in his hands so it's not in my face. My vomit splatters all over my legs and on the bottom of Harry's Gucci suit. I'd feel terrible about that if I wasn't so out of it, but my mind is a mushed up blur.

"Shhh, that's it. You're alright." Harry reassures me. The uber driver lets out a sigh of disgust, but this is truly his fault that I'm throwing up in his uber right now anyways.

Heave after heave, I let out more of the alcohol that was poisoning my system, right onto the floor. It's not a pretty sight. I'm having a cold sweat and my body is trembling. Though Harry has a weak stomach, when it comes to his wife (me) or his kids, he can always handle a bit of throw up. Or a lot like currently. It's like a fatherly/husband instinct that comes over him and he feels only adrenaline, not yuck.

Finally I feel my stomach relax and I sit up, breathing heavy with vomit dripping down my chin. Without thinking, I wipe it off with the back of my hand and smear it on my already ruined dress. "Feeling better?" Harry asks in a low tone.

"Mhmm." I hum, not really feeling like talking. My drunken brain has cleared up some from the majority of the alcohol being out of my system, but I still feel the after affects drinking brings. I just lean my head on Harry's shoulder for the rest of the ride home and allow the cool breeze to blow on my face. The uber driver did us all a favor by rolling the windows down so we didn't suffocate on the nasty smell of my sick.

---------------------

After-

When we arrived home, Harry payed the uber driver, not giving much of a tip and told him that he'd have someone clean his car out in the morning. As well as a half assed apology for my incident beings it could have been prevented. Then carefully, Harry lifted me out the uber and carried me into our Los Angeles home. Good thing our kids were all asleep because they shouldn't have to see their mother like this. Covered in puke and half drunk.

Harry took me to our bathroom and quickly ran down stairs to pay our babysitter, hoping she didn't question my appearance when she saw my state as we came through the front door. She didn't thankfully and left soon after her check was handed to her. Harry came back up to where he left me and helped me clean up and get ready for bed.

He stripped us of our vomit covered clothes and helped me into the big walk-in shower we have in our master bathroom. Then after he delicately washed our bodies along with my hair, he helped us out and dried us off. We brushed our teeth, me with the help of my husband because I was still a bit dizzy. After we're clean of sick and smelt fresh, he helped me put some panties and a t-shirt over my nude body and boxers on himself; just incase our kids woke up and needed us for whatever reason.

Harry helped me into our large bed and tucked me in, bending down to kiss my forehead. Then he walked down to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water and a bucket incase I needed to be sick again at some point through-out the rest of the early morning. When he had all the items he intended to grab, Harry came back to our bedroom where I was already passed out with sleep.

So he just set the water on my night stand and the bucket on the floor, beside my side of the bed. Then Harry quietly exited our room and went to each of our child's bedrooms to make sure they were fine and still asleep like they should be, which they thankfully were.

When everything was done and taken care of, Harry turned the bedroom lights out and slipped in the covers with me. He helped my body scoot over and I cuddled into his warm body. I didn't realize it in my state of sleep but I knew when I awoke, I'll be thinking about how grateful I am to have a wonderful husband like Harry.

He takes such good care of me. He didn't get upset that I drank too much on his special night and accidently got wasted. He never once got upset that I basically got throw up on his expensive suit tonight in the uber. He didn't get annoyed that he had to shower both me and him past midnight, though he was exhausted. Harry loves taking care of me (and our kids) and wouldn't wish for any other life. Even when his life becomes chaotic and stressful. Harry loves his family dearly and his family love him just as much or more.

Masterlist (regular smut, fluff & sicfics)

My Favorite Harry Styles Fics MASTERLIST

Harry Styles Series - One Shots & Blurbs Masterlist

Harry Styles blurbs, concepts, & short stories Masterlist- (short writing with little to no dialog)

[iguessweallcrazyithinktho]

Baby Nolan - goldfish

Summary: It's here, nolan arrives!

Genre: fluff

Warnings: child birth but not explicit, crying, Nora meeting her little brother

Word count: 1.6 k

Blog appropriate for all ages

Please don't post any of my content anywhere else without my permission!

--

Chris hands were laced with yours as you both sat in the hospital. You were in labor and have been for about 2 hours. As excited as you were to meet your little boy, you were very nervous. It's been a while since you've had a baby of course, and it terrified you.

But with Chris by your side you were perfect.

He was the best husband ever. Getting you ice chips, getting you cold and hot rags when needed, said the sweetest things to you when you needed it, he was definitely a great help, you definitely wouldn't be able to do this without him.

"do you need some more ice baby?" Chris asked as he ran his thumb over your hand. You shook your head, weakly smiling, "no, I'm okay now."

Chris mumbled out 'ok' before sitting back in his chair. You let a very loud groan fall from your lips as a contraction took over your body. Chris quickly sat up and coached you through it.

Just like you, he was terrified as well. He was ready for his bub to get here but seeing you in pain was very hard for him.

Dispite being scared, he knew he needed to be tough for you. When this was all over he knew he would be a sobbing mess and frankly he was ready for it.

-

"okay, it passed." You said as your chest rose and fell. Chris looked up at you with a smile, "you're doing a great job honey, keep it."

You smiled at him, "thanks."

Right after you said that the doctor Walked in. He checked everything out to see if you were doing okay. When he noticed everything was, he walked out of the room and back on to his business.

"god, I want this to be over." You said feeling yourself ready to cry. Chris quickly got up and calmed you.

"hey, hey it's okay. It'll be over soon, I promise baby."

You sniffed, "can we call Nora and see how she's doing? I miss my crazy monkey."

Chris chuckled, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "Of course."

Chris dialed his mom's number, watched it ring a couple of times before she picked up. "Hi ma."

Lisa said hi back and asked you how you were doing. "I'm doing okay."

Chris sighed softly, "we just want to check on Nora, how she?"

Lisa brought the camera to Nora who was beside her. She was confused at first but quickly recognize her daddy and mommy.

"daddy, mommy!"

Her little voice made you so happy. "Hi Nora, how are you pumpkin?"

Nora giggle, "I great. Is brother here?"

Chris shook his head, "no, not yet. He'll be here soon though." Nora nodded, "oh okay."

You and Chris smiled At your daughter, "well, we're going to go now. You be good for grandma okay?"

Nora snickered, "yeah, okay." You and Chris said goodbye to Nora and Lisa before hanging up the phone. "Uhh, I miss her already."

Chris smiled, "me too."

--

You and Chris held off for another hour or so before the contractions grew closer to each other. In other words, it was time for Nolan to arrive.

Chris held onto your hand ready for this moment so pass. Your heart was thumping in your chest as you watched the doctor position herself in between your legs.

"okay mama, I'm going to need you to push as hard as you can on 3." You nodded, "alright.

The doctor started the count down as you exhaled. "1,2,3, push."

You pushed with all your might. It was extremely painful and judging by the way Chris whined, you were gripping his hand extremely hard.

After a count to 10 you took a deep breath and wiped away your tears. "You're doing amazing honey." Chris said as he looked down at you. You couldn't respond because your brain wasn't couldn't make words in the moment.

You soon returned back to pushing all. You were sweating, exhaled, and out of breath. You soon released your breath and relaxed a little.

"he's almost out. Just one more big push okay." You nodded, "alright."

She counted to three and you pushed really hard, as hard as you could. You felt a very sharp pain before you heard a lot wail.

You opened your eyes and saw your baby boy. You let out a cry as the nurse brought him to your chest. You let go of chris' hand and placed it on his little back.

"here's here." You said softly. You looked up at at Chris. He had tears in his eyes as he looked at you both. "Our little boy."

You chuckled and placed a kiss on the now calm babies head.

--

After your long labor, Nolan Leo Evans was here. Chris was of course instantly attached to him. He went with him to get a eye sight and hearing check which he passed and he also changed his first diaper.

Now here you three were sitting in the hospital room. While you feed nolan Chris informed the family on nolans arrival.

He had a smile on his face that couldn't disappear. You were sure his cheeks hurt. He told Nora lastly and judging by the babbling And squealing on the other end of the phone, she was ecstatic.

He promised her she'll be able to meet him the next day; that was enough for her to go straight to bed which she never wants to do.

After saying goodbye Chris hung up the phone and walked over to the hospital bed. "Ah gosh, I can't believe he's here."

Chris ran his hands over Nolan small batch of curls, he cooed.

"I can't either. He looks just like Nora." You said with a chuckle looking down at the sleeping baby.

"he does. Nora is very excited to meet him tomorrow. She went straight to bed while we were still on the phone."

"that's a first." Chris nodded, "oh yeah."

You smiled, "we should get some sleep. I can't wait to see my princess tomorrow and for her to meet her baby brother." You placed a gentle kiss on nolans head before Chris took him from your chest and placed him in his bassinet.

You fell asleep to his low voice talking to Nolan, telling him about the full life he has ahead of him.

--

The next day you woke up early and took a shower. You got yourself in some proper clothes and spent some time with nolan.

Chris made a run to go get Nora and some real food for you. The whole ride over Nora was talking like crazy. She kept asking Chris when they would be at the hospital and how excited she was. Chris was smiling like crazy as he listened to her.

After grabbing the food, Chris made his way back to the hospital. He took Nora's hand and guided her to the room where you were staying.

He opened the door quietly letting Nora walk in first. Nora instantly smiled when she saw you. "Mommy."

She walked over to you and climbed onto the bed. You laughed and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She looked down at her brother and smiled. "Brother?"

You nodded, "yeah, it is your brother. His name is Nolan, can you say Nolan."

"nowan." She tried to say. You and Chris Chuckled at her attempt.

"how about we get a picture of you 3 together." Chris said as he took his phone out of his pocket. You and Nora got situated for the picture. Nora of course being the wiggle worm she is couldn't resist giving her little brother a kiss. Chris snapped the picture just as she did that and it came out perfectly.

He slid his phone back into his pocket deciding to share it later. Right now all he wanted was to enjoy time as a family of 4.

Family of 4 had a really nice ring to it, lucky he'll be using that for a while.

--

Ahh okay. I'm so happy with this. Tell me what you think

@chris-butt @patzammit @bval-1 @@raveviolet @mrsbbarnesrogers-reading @enn-j @london-dreamer71 @harrysthiccthighss @captainamerica-is-bae @la-cey @weirdowithnobeardo @lovepeacefood @baby-i-am-fireproof @denisemarieangelina @evans713 @smyfmj @thereisa8ella @rororo06 @keiva1000 @ughitsnic @adriannajackson123 @marvelnaturalock @notyourtypicalrose @dummiesshort @onetwo3000 @hhiggs @katiew1973 @andreasworlsboring101 @skepticnovak @funfickgirl22 @hxnesthxneybee @henrythickcavill @melchills-j @franchesca-791 @moonlacebeam @hagarsays

[stray-kids-react]

Midnight Brownies

Masterlist

Warnings - Reader has a nightmare.

Genre - Slight angst, Slight crack (all from felix), fluff.

-

You woke up sweating as you tried to catch your breath, tears welled in your eyes and your lips trembled as they tried to contain your tears.

Your alarm clock read 3am, you had work in three hours but you couldn't bring yourself to get back to sleep. You just had a nightmare where Felix died in your arms due to a crazy sasaeng, you were shaking in pure terror at just the thought of that scenario.

You noticed the kitchen light turned on, and Felix was nowhere in your shared bedroom. This has happened a few times, usually playing video games in the living room to calm his brain. But you needed his presence to reassure that he wasn't in any danger.

You rushed towards the lighted area, your feet tingling against the cold wood floor. You crossed your arms to try and keep some heat in your body, not used to the cold house after being in a blanket cacoon for hours.

Your heart and mind were put to ease when you witnessed your boyfriend stirring a bowl of brownie batter. That relief was quickly replaced by confusion, why was he baking brownies at the three in the morning?

"Babe... Whatcha doing?" You asked, propping yourself onto the empty kitchen counter.

Felix jumped slightly, not expecting to hear your voice. He took off his headphones, turning around with his pajamas dusted with glour and brownie batter. His eyes were like saucers, shocked that you woke up from your deep slumber.

"I am baking brownies." He answered, as if it was normal to bake at 3am.

"At 3am?" You questioned on, wondering what was running through that cute brain of his.

"What are you doing up at 3am?" Felix retorted, his irresistible grin appearing as he trapped you in between his arms.

"I had a nightmare and needed you." You answered truthfully, jumping off the counter to snuggle closer into his warm pajama shirt.

You both waddled around the kitchen as your limbs were entangled in one another's. His lips were pressed against your head, the hot breath released from his nose brushed across your skin in a comforting way.

Any worry or stress you ever had, he always managed to erase from your head. It was like a super power, not even your own parents could calm you as well as he could. It's been 3 years since you met him, and you can't picture your life without him.

"I can't tell you why I was baking brownies. But I can show you." He whispered, his deep voice slightly raspy from the lack of rest.

His bright smile returned, his messy ponytail getting ready to fall apart at any moment. No makeup, freckles on full display, and wearing slightly tattered pajamas. This was the most handsome you've ever seen him look, seeing him completely natural was a treat only you got to see.

"It was going to be this big surprise for you, but since you woke up much earlier than expected. I guess I'll have to blindfold you so I can set up a few things." Felix whispered, still only inches away from your lips.

You gently pecked his lips before he placed a blindfold over your eyes. You heard his feet rushing across the house, nearly crashing into multiple items. He'd repeat that he was okay with a nervous laugh, you expected nothing less from your clumsy sunshine.

You heard a whipped cream can being whipped out of the fridge, covering many different items. You were slightly concerned on how many brownies Felix made, because you know for a fact neither of you could finish two whole trays by yourselves.

You felt his arms wrap around the back of your body, softly guiding you to the dining room where his surprise was laid out perfectly. His fingertips grazed your skin as he lifted the mask above your eyes.

The room was lit up dimmly with three candles, rose petals creating a heart over the plates of brownies. The brownies each has a letter of whipped cream on top of them. Putting the plates together, they read 'Will you be mine?'

Your heart stopped for a moment, it wasn't your anniversary til two months. And you were already dating, you turned around to see him kneeling on one knee with a box embraced in his shaking hands.

You gasped, legs wobbling from shock. Tears stremead down your cheeks, you weren't upset. You were happy, and incredibly surprised, you never thought he'd propose until he was finished with the idol life.

"Y/n L/n, Will you marry me?" He asked, opening the box to reveal the most beautiful ring you have ever witnessed.

You could see the worry in his eyes, concern of making you feel pressured or moving too fast consumed his thoughts. But they rushed away once you squealed yes, jumping up and down repeatedly. Felix couldn't even register your answer before you pounced onto him.

"Yes yes yes and a million times yes." You giggled, tears drenching the short sleeves that were loose on his shoulders.

Felix laid you onto the ground as he placed kisses on your lips over and over and over again, each one making it more noticeable that he was smiling into the kiss.

There you two were making out, both in pajamas at 3am on the floor of the dining room. Plates brownies still untouched, the words still perfectly visibly on each treat. Minutes ago you were a scared girlfriend/boyfriend recovering from a nightmare, now you were engaged and never felt the amount of joy than you did at that moment.

-Bonus the next day-

You walked into the dressing rooms, noticing Yuna sitting her chair awaiting your arrival. Her adorable bunny smile beamed at you, that smile turned into a large o shape. Gasping when she noticed the ring on your finger.

"Oh my God he proposed!" She squealed, jumping out her seat to embrace you in her arms.

The rest of itzy turned to your direction, rushing towards you as they all wanted to see your new ring. They were your best friends and hair clients, and you couldn't wait to assign them the bridesmaid dresses.

"I call maid of honour." Ryujin commented, raising her arms in the air while looking at each member for confirmation.

[nevertheless-moving]

Star Wars AU #20: MacenJar AU

Inspired by this meme and with permission from @simpskywalker

This au is dedicated to everyone who told me that this concept ‘gave them a headache’ or ‘psychic damage’. Especially that special someone who begged me to ‘please stop’ because ‘i hate this, i hate this so much’ and told me ‘please don’t say more words about this.’

Crack Lies Ahead, enough to consume a man. I have spoken.

“Ani. Ani. Anakin Skywalker.”

“Hmm?” The dulcet sounds of Padme calling his name dragged Anakin from sleep against his will. 

“Anakin, you have to get up.”

He groaned, rolling over. “...here’s my face...I’ll...be awake in a second...just sit down...I’m awake...”

“No, Anakin you have to leave, remember. You have a 5 AM take-off scheduled, and you made me promise I would get you up early this time, come on.”

She cruelly yanked the covers away. He gasped in betrayal. 

“My own wife...how could you.”

“Anakin if you’re not out of bed in the next 30 seconds the next time you beg to stay the night because ‘you can get up early, you swear’ I am kicking you out before anyone sits anywhere near anyone’s face, do you understand.”

He sat bolt upright and stumbled out of bed. “Ok, Ok, I’m up I- Padme!”

“Yes?” She asked sweetly, brushing her hair at the vanity. 

“It’s 3 AM!”

“Yes I know, you were going to stop at that bakery I recommended, remember?”

“You woke me up an hour and half early so I could stop at a bakery,” he asked, disbelieving.

“Yes, Anakin, it was your idea. It was going to be your cover, in case anyone wondered what you were doing in the building.”

“That is-” before he could call it the stupidest idea he had ever heard, the memory of promising Padme that staying the night was a good idea because it would facilitate his cunning ruse (he was distracted, ok? Padme was wearing a lot of layers) came rushing back.

“-right,” he finished lamely.

Padme just hummed and began braiding in her cosmetic forcefields. 

Anakin managed to stretch, complete his morning refresher run, and arrange his robes in a suitably decorous fashion by the time Padme had established the base layer of her hairstyle for the day.

A quick kiss- no goodbye, it hurt too much to say goodbyes in war - and Anakin was out the door. 

He idly scratched his chin, vacantly looking out the lift and vaguely considering growing a beard. The pre-dawn view was quickly replaced by metal walls as the ride dropped below the skyline.

The transparisteel pod began to slow scarcely one third of the way down. Anakin suppressed a groan and tried to arrange his expression in Jedi-stoic manner, hoping that whoever got in the lift with him would be too intimidated by seeing a Jedi close-up to think about what they were doing in a Senatorial Apartment building at 3:15 in the morning. If they ask, I’m visiting the famous Bebbisun Bakery. Bennison? BELLASAN. I’m visiting the Bellasan Bakery.

Actually, anyone getting into the elevator this early was probably also doing the walk of shame so it’s probably fi-KRIFFING SITH SPIT THAT’S

“Master Windu!” Anakin cleared his throat, trying to lower his voice an octave. “Good- Good Morning!”

Windu’s eyes widened almost imperceptibly. “Ah. Knight Skywalker. Good morning to you as well,” he replied, stepping in the elevator, doors closing behind.

The lift descended as Anakin’s heart rate skyrocketed. This was it. Windu had to be here for Anakin. What other possible explanation could there be? WHY WASN’T HE SAYING ANYTHING?

Wait.

What other possible explanation...could...why wasn’t he saying ANYTHING?

Anakin scrutinized Master Windu out of the corner of his eye. Were those...the same robes he was wearing yesterday? They looked like the same robes but then again...pretty much all robes looked the same so this was probably a stupid way to figure things out. Fuck, it was too early for this.

Unsurprisingly, he couldn’t get a sense of the Master’s surface emotions. But his underlying aura seemed...happy? Typically Windu's serene presence had a tinge of righteous fury (something that had frightened him back when he was a child). But now that ever present vaapad edge was... softened? Anakin wracked his tired brain for a more reasonable explanation than- than the obvious but obviously impossible. He had to projecting. Right? Then again...couplings weren’t forbidden (even if Anakin couldn’t quite understand how people enjoyed just- having sex without any attachment).

The corners of Anakin’s lips twitched. The Master of the Order. Getting laid. Master Windu. In the Senatorial apartments. Mace Windu. What level had he gotten on? Above aides...diplomats probably. Should he ask? Force, this was too good- he couldn’t not ask.

Windu stared at him cooly and the knight instantly sobered. What was he thinking? Windu was obviously trying to trick him! If he said anything, Windu would turn it against him! Well, he wouldn’t be fooled so easily. Anakin spent the next several levels of descent staring forward, determined not to be the one to break the silence. 

He was so focused that he didn’t notice the lift slowing prematurely again until the doors opened; an elderly Rodian hobbled in. The two Jedi moved even further apart to allow the man some space.  The lift closed and newcomer glanced at the humans curiously. 

“Aren’t you Jedi? What are two Jedi doing here so early?”

“Bakery,” Mace and Anakin responded in unison, heads snapping to stare at the other in surprise.

The Rodian chuckled. “Oh, that Bellasan place, right?”

“Yes,” Windu replied smoothly. “They have a famously unique caf blend.”

“And you can’t get Sweesonberry rolls anywhere else,” Anakin added quickly, not letting the opportunity to firm up his cover go to waste.

“You mammals and your carbohydrates,” The elderly reptilian clucked, bemused.

Knight Skywalker and Master Windu exchanged wary looks. The door pinged open on level 4848. 

“Enjoy!” the overly entertained Rodian called out as they stepped out from the closing doors.

Anakin cleared his throat. “After you, Master Windu,” he said politely. CHECKMATE FUCKER.

But Windu just nodded serenely, striding confidently ahead, past the checkpoints and into the attached upper-crust market. After a very short walk, Anakin found himself in line behind Mace Windu at a pastry shop in the basement of his wife’s apartment building.

Anakin blearily thought that sentence through again, then subtly pinched the inside of his arm.

Nope, he was awake.

Every second that passed Anakin had to fight the steadily increasing urge to blurt out something stupid, and possibly incriminating, if not both. Just say something bland! Nothing about why they’re both here so early. Nothing about coming here before. Something casual.

“Smells good,” Anakin said.

Nailed it!

“Indeed,” Mace replied.

I’m a genius! He actually thinks I’m here for the bakery! He’s never going to suspect a thing! He was probably here for some boring pre-dawn meeting, and now I’ve got the perfect excuse to come visit Padme whenever! I can probably start sneaking off more often, I’ve just got to remember to bring back a pasty or something. And he can’t even say shit about un-Jedi like consumption!

“Skywalker-”

Oh no. Please be about the bakery. Pleasebeaboutthe

“Believe me when I tell you that I’d rather not ask-”

Oh NO. THIS ISN’T GOING TO BE ABOUT THE BAKERY. I’M AN IDIOT.

“-But did you fly here in a temple speeder?”

Cold sweat started to trickle down Anakin’s back as they shuffled forward automatically in the surprisingly long queue. Guess that’s why Padme woke me up so early.

“Knight Skywalker? Did you hear me?”

“Yes, Master Windu, sorry- I was, uh, distracted by the specials board. I, um, have my own hoverbike. Built it myself. No temple resources involved.”

“Sounds...distinctive.” Windu’s tone seemed neutral, but the way he pinched the bridge of his nose was obviously irritated. They stepped forward again. Why are so many people at this bakery so early? Guess we’re far enough down that day/night cycles don’t matter so much. Oh kriff, he’s massaging his temples now. Why is he mad about the bike? Is he going to ask where I landed it? Fuck.

Anakin swallowed the lump in his throat. “I- I thought it would be better to take personal property. Since this isn’t exactly order business.”

“That’s very responsible of you. Such...separation of personal from professional is an important skill for a Jedi.” 

The trickle of sweat down his spine increased. The Chosen One discretely wiped his sweaty palms on the inside of his sleeves and prayed that his outer robe was hiding any growing pit stains. 

Are we...actually talking about this? Is he going to admit to having an affair? Is he going to tell me to keep this quiet? I CAN BARELY KEEP MY OWN RELATIONSHIP SECRET! Does he know about Padme? Does he know we’re married? Is this conversation still about the bakery visit? Is HE married?

“However...such a vehicle might not be the most discrete. And discretion is also an important skill.”

Is he giving me permission to use the temple landspeeders to visit padme? Is he telling me to take the bus? WAIT! IS THIS A METAPHOR? Is he telling me to come here less? Is this still about the bakery? Did I actually check that I wasn’t still asleep or did I just dream that I checked?

“Do you understand, Knight Skywalker”

“I- uhh. I mean- well, ummm- OH look, it’s your turn to order!”

Master Windu stepped up to the counter. 

“Hello, again! Same as last time?”

OH FORCE GODS HE’S A REGULAR. THIS IS IT. I’M NEVER GOING TO GET TO SEE OBI-WAN OR ASHOKA AGAIN AND PADME’S CAREER IS GOING TO BE RUINED AND

“The same blend please, but please add on one of your Sweesonberry rolls- a friend recommended them.”

...Did Mace Windu just call me his friend?

“Excellent choice! Your friend has good taste!”

Mace Windu stepped to the side and Anakin Skywalker stepped up. “...I’ll have what he had.” 

A minute or two later, they were walking back to the lift, matching disposamugs and flimsibags in hand. 

To try and delay the inevitable, the pale and now very sweaty young Jedi took a sip of caf. He raised both brows involuntary. “This is...really good. Holy kriff. I don’t usually drink caf for the flavor but...wow.”

“Worth the trip?” Windu asked. Anakin choked a little but successfully managed to swallow. He took another sip to avoid answering. 

Windu took a bite of his roll, making a small noise of appreciation, “The pastry is also excellent. I don’t have much of a sweet tooth but this is remarkably smooth...I can’t say I’ve ever had anything quite like it.”

“Floral, right?” Anakin said, grinning into his cup. 

“Yes, that’s a good description.” Ha! I told Padme I was paying attention.

They drank companionably as the lift indicator dinged closer. 

“Skywalker...you’re parked on 4970, right?”

The knight nodded, too afraid to speak. The force seemed to swirl at the precipice of something. 

The Master sighed. “Look- I’ve got an unregistered van- this one time only, stow the speeder, and I’ll give you a ride back. If you’re visiting the bakery in the future- please take something with a closed cab. Last thing we need is the tabloids wondering where you’re going...”

Anakin nodded again, more eagerly again. He was practically being given permission to visit Padme! That was totally worth an excruciatingly awkward flight back to the temple! He just had to chew slowly so he couldn’t blurt out anything marriage related! He was a genius!

The lift opened.

“Jar-Jar!” Anakin said, surprised and pleased. “Wow, are you also here for the bakery? This place really is popular!”

“Ani! Little Ani! Wassa you doin here?” Jar-Jar looked around wildly, then stumbled out, foot catching at the gap. Windu darted forward and effortlessly saved the Gungan before he hit the floor, while Anakin stuck his arm forward to catch the closing door.

“Bakery, Jar Jar!” he said as he stepped inside. “I’d love to talk, but we’ve actually got to get back to the temple!”

Windu struggled to untangle himself from Jar-Jar, who was being particularly unhelpful about it, even for him. Wow he’s even clingier than usual this early in the morning. It’s nice how patient Master Windu is being; I feel like even Obi-Wan can be too hard on Jar-Jar sometimes.

“Actually Skywalker, why don’t you go on ahead and stow the bike- I just remembered I meant to pick something up for Council; I won’t take long.”

“Uh. Alright,” Anakin said, catching the keys. I guess I can’t really be late if I arrive with Master Windu.

“Ossa no!” Jar-Jar exclaimed sadly. “I was justa saying to Macey lassa night thatsa I missed talkin wit little Ani!”

Anakin smiled reassuringly as the lift began to close. “Don’t worry Jar-Jar! We’ll- catch uh-HOLD ON did you say LAST NIGHT?!”

Mace’s eyes closed in resignation as the door shut on the pair, Jar-Jar still tangled around the Jedi.

AND MACE WASN’T EVEN TRYING TO PUT HIM BACK UPRIGHT ANYMORE HOLY KRIFF JUST PUT THAT TOGETHER.

Anakin stared blankly at the metal walls as they rushed past. The lone Jedi Knight took a long sip of caff, then carefully placed the pastry bag and drink on the floor. He systematically wadded up the sleeve of his robe and shoved in his mouth. He then spent the next few minutes squealing with unholy glee while literally bouncing off the walls in a manner only accessible to a force sensitive in an elevator. He was still panting slightly when the lift opened on the primary parking level.

We can double date! Padme and I can host! I can help Mace and Jar-Jar plan their wedding! We can reform the order to allow for romantic love! I can be Jar-Jar’s best man! Padme and I can have another ceremony and Obi-Wan can give me away while Mace officiates and  and then we’ll all have sweesonbury cake and Jar-Jar can help teach our kids how to swim! 

With those dreamy thoughts running through his mind, it was child’s work to follow the the force to the unremarkable hovervan. He was humming to himself when Master Windu opened the door. 

He beamed at the older Jedi. Windu scowled in reply. Anakin smiled wider, unintimidated. He genuinely liked the Gungan, but anyone who could spend hours with Jar-Jar had to have a soft side.

“You know, Jar-Jar is a long time friend of Senator-”

“No.” Windu cut the eager words brusquely. 

Anakin shrank back, a little hurt.

(Maybe a lot hurt.)

Mace glanced over at the obviously crestfallen young General and sighed before amending his words.

“Not- Not right now, alright? Maybe if you’re miraculously more discrete about this than you are about your affection for Senator Amidala, then we can talk, understood?”

Anakin nodded with absolute determination, glimmering images of fairytale weddings visible once more. Distant, perhaps- but the chance was worth any amount of tongue biting. Now that there was a real, possible future where he could have it all, now that he knew Windu had a heart somewhere under his robes- he could be patient. 

He could be very patient.

Anakin calmed his grin down to a smaller, more Jedi-like smile, taking a sip of the cool but still really good caf. He channeled Obi-Wan’s most neutral diplomatic grace.

“Thank you for the ride, Master Windu. I appreciate it.”

Windu gave him an approving glance. “You’re more than welcome, Knight Skywalker.”

Feeling bold, he continued on with his best non-mocking impression of Obi-Wan.

"Have you had a chance to read the latest report on helmet redesigns? I think they might really improve peripheral vision without compromising concussive resistance.”

Mace hummed thoughtfully. “I have. I’m somewhat concerned about deploying such a radical change mid-campaign. Even better gear requires an adjustment period, and I’d rather minimize needless deaths while the troops readjust to hud flow.”

“Yes, that’s a reasonable concern, I was talking to Captain Rex-”

They spent the remainder of the flight chatting comfortably about troop safety and absentmindedly eating (or possibly stress eating in response to the prolonged absence of interpersonal conflict) the box of pastries Mace had picked up. When they arrived at the temple, they divvied up the remainder between them, quietly agreeing that there weren’t enough to share anyway. 

They continued their conversation, Master Windu accompanying him to the orbital loading bay. 

Obi-Wan rushed over in alarm at the sight of them approaching. “Anakin, there you are- I was starting to wonder if you’d make it. Terribly sorry Master Windu- I hope he wasn’t too much of a bother-”

“He’s not your padawan anymore, you don’t have to apologize for him. Though I do appreciate the reflex.”

“I suppose the concern isn’t completely baseless.” Anakin said, tone deliberately mildly. Mace chuckled slightly and Obi-Wan took a step back, slightly frightened by the sudden camaraderie. Anakin pretended to take a sip from his now empty disposamug to avoid fist pumping the air or cheering.

“I- Yes well- the important thing is you’re here in time for departure. What- what is that in the bag.”

Moment of Truth. Don’t freak out. Focus. Prove you can be discrete, THEN double dates, THEN Jedi Wedding Ceremony.

“Sweesonbury Roll,” Anakin answered placidly. He pretended to take another sip of caf. “Master Windu was kind enough to give me a ride from the bakery.”

“That’s- I’m sorry, what?” Anakin bit the inside of cheek to keep himself from reacting to Obi-Wan’s palpable bewilderment.

“I had to double back and get more, but we came straight here after,” Mace added helpfully, with zero hint of intentional mischief. “Oh and Skywalker- you can call me Mace if we’re not discussing temple business.”

Anakin SCREAMED (internally, of course). Outwardly, he simply bowed politely. “And you’re welcome to call me Anakin, of course.”

He deliberately avoided looking directly at Obi-Wan, his former Master’s bug-eyed reaction already pushing him to the edge, even just visible as it was out of the corner of his eye.

Windu nodded in return. “Safe travels you two. May the force with you.”

“And with you.” Anakin replied.

“May the force be with you,” Obi-Wan rushed to say, after a short delay.

Master Windu turned and exited the cargo bay doors. Anakin threw out the mug in a nearby bin, pulling out a roll and biting into it before turning to face Obi-Wan. They made eye-contact, each waiting for the other to break first. Usually that would be Anakin, but he had goals now. The Knight chewed. His Master’s eyes narrowed. The older man (who may have aged significantly in the last 5 minutes) finally broke.

“Who are you?”

Anakin just sighed, maintaining the Kenobi impression. “Come on Master, we don’t want to keep the troops waiting.” With that, he walked forward, hiding his smile as Obi-Wan followed closely at his heels. 

“Since when does my apprentice visit bakeries with Mace Windu?” Obi-Wan asked, almost desperately.

“You’re making it sound like a bigger deal than it is.” 

Master Kenobi sputtered as the pair opened the airlock for the short-range shuttle. 

Anakin mustered up an earnest smile. “Master? Would you mind flying- I’m still eating and-”

Obi-Wan made an incoherent noise of horrified outrage before fumbling for his communicator. 

“What are you doing?”

“NOTHING IS MAKING SENSE RIGHT NOW. EITHER YOU AND MACE NEED TO GO TO THE HEALING HALLS OR I DO!”

Anakin burst out laughing. “Relax Obi-Wan, I’m messing with you, holy shit. Obviously I’m flying.”

Obi-Wan slumped into the co-pilot seat, rubbing at his eyes. “Don’t do that Anakin! My nerves are stretched thin enough by the war as it is-”

“Sorry, Sorry!”

They strapped in and took off, Anakin still chuckling occasionally, Obi-Wan scowling in irritation each time. 

They ascended above the towering skyline alongside the first rays of sunlight.

“So you didn’t go to a bakery with Master Windu this morning?”

“Uhh-”

[amphxtrite]

cedric diggory x fem!reader

warnings: self depreciation, crying, a little angst I guess.

summary: cedric finds you crying about all the things he finds beautiful, so he helps you see your beauty again and shows you just how close he holds you to your heart.

a/n: the ending <3 also this is kind of valentine’s day related!

word count: 3.7k

tag list: @mullthingsoverinthehotwater @cedricsyellowscarf @hoe4cedricdiggory @draco-and-tom @punkrific @oldschoolkiddo @hey-there-angels @dreamy-clousds @sambucky8

message me to be added or removed from my tag list

enjoy <3

__________________________________________

A crushing feeling of dread became more and more normal with each passing day.

You woke up, entered the bathrooms to wash up and your heart would practically drop to your stomach. Your lips would purse as you start to over-analyze every little thing about you. Your smile, eyes, waist, and hips, even your hands couldn’t be spared from the merciless attack you threw at yourself. 

You did everything to try and change. Skipped meals, worked out, suppressed your smile and worked every critique into your life, but it wasn’t enough.

You lay wide awake as you felt worthless in your own skin, wishing you could change. Wishing the pain would just go away.

On a particularly bad day, you step out of the shower and begin towelling yourself dry as you hum a soft melody. You began shrugging on your undergarments when the fog from the mirror fades and unknowingly you glance over and catch sight of your reflection. Your humming stop and your stomach lurches in horror, you can feel the tears begin to well in your eyes.

Cedric walks the steps to your dorm clutching a bundle in his arms filled with your favourite things. Sweets, his hoodies, and muggle films wrapped into a blanket as he excitedly balances them all and opens the door to your room.

“Darling! Look what I-”

His sentence drops when he hears a quiet sniffle coming from the bathroom attached to your dorm and he freezes. Slowly, he puts the small package of goodies on your bed and steps up to the bathroom, gently knocking on the wooden door.

“Y/n? A-Are you in there dove?” He murmurs, placing his hand on the doorknob to enter.

“C-Ced?” You respond meekly. 

“Have you been crying love? I’m coming in okay?”

Your eyes widen and you frantically glance around. Cedric could not see you right now, not while you were in tears and insecure, he would freak out.

“N-No, Ced I’m fine, there’s no need to come in!” You rush out, trying your best to sound as normal as possible.

Cedric is quick to see through this, noticing the short break in your voice along with quiet fear and sadness.

“Darling, I can hear it in your voice, you’re upset. Please let me help.” Cedric chides softly, fighting the urge to just open the door and see what had you so upset.

“Ced. Please. J-Just leave please.” You plead as you drop to a sitting position on the floor, covering your mouth with your hand to compress your soft sobs.

With his ear practically pressed against the door, Cedric hears your weak attempt to hide and sighs, placing his hand on the knob again.

“You’ll have to forgive me for this later.” He breathes out, as the door swings open to reveal you curled up against the wall opposite to him.

“Y/n!” The brunette cries, quickly closing the distance between you and dropping to his knees.

Your head snaps up from its spot on your knees and meets eye to eye with Cedric's frantic grey ones.

“Darling why are you crying? You know I hate it when you cry.” Cedric murmurs, gathering you into his arms as he gently wipes the tears from your eyes.

“N-No, Cedric. Please leave.” You stammer in return, backing away from his embrace and grabbing the towel hanging from the side of the sink and pulling it on top of you.

“Darling what’s wrong? You know I’m here for you.” Cedric reassures as you pull the towel even closer to your body.

“I-it’s not that Ced. I-I’m just.” You stop as you desperately search for the right words, but your mind draws blank and you curse yourself.

Cedric sits back on his knees and begins looking around the bathroom.

Your cheeks were stained with tears, the mirror was lightly fogged from the shower you must’ve taken not too long ago and your clothing sat untouched at the side of the sink.

Cedric tries to find an explanation, trying to think of a reason you could be this upset, but he is left helpless as you glance around avoiding his eye contact.

“I-Is it me darling? A-Am I, making you uncomfortable?” He questions, wringing his fingers together as your eyes widen.

You can hear the pain in your voice and your eyes cloud again as you feel your walls crumbling down.

“Cedric, of course not I just-”

Your voice breaks as another silent sob racks your chest, and another tear slips down your cheek.

“I just can’t do this Cedric. Never being enough for myself. Never being pretty enough, skinny enough, curvy enough. Not enough.” You cry, bringing your hand to your face again to harshly wipe away the tears.

“Everyday I look in the mirror and I’m never happy with myself, but no matter what I do it still isn’t enough and I feel so weak, so gross.” You continue.

Cedric’s eyes widen and his eyebrows furrow.

That was why you were crying? You thought you weren’t beautiful?

Cedric almost scoffs at this, but he knew now was not the time for joking.

He stands slowly and walks towards you with a sad smile resting on his lips. He sits down in front of you and takes your hands.

“Do you remember the first day we met darling?” 

You sniffle and look up.

“Of course Cedric, I was at the quidditch game and you accidentally tripped on something and fell in front of me.” You recount, unsure where he was going with this.

“Well love, it wasn’t exactly nothing.” Cedric starts, allowing a small smile to peak out past his lips as you tilted your head in confusion.

“Well…” He smiles.

Cedric wipes the sweat from his forehead as he exits the change room after a tough match against slytherin. He slings his bag across his shoulder and begins making his way towards his mates for a celebratory party in honour of their win. He’s only a couple steps away when a quiet laugh pulls him out of his thoughts. Cedric’s head swivels and his eyes lock on the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. Your eyes are alight at the joke your friend must’ve told you and your lips are pulled in an angelic smile.

The seeker’s vision seems to slow as he spots you and his mouth opens to form a soft ‘o.’

He wasn’t sure what had struck him, but it didn’t matter, he was sure he was floating.

He was so entranced he managed to trip over his own feet and land flat on his face.

“Oh my goodness? A-Are you alright?”

Cedric nearly jumped when he saw you hovering over him offering your hand to him. His cheeks burned bright red as he notices he’s still laying on the grass and he quickly takes your hand.

“I’m great! Um- thank you.” He laughs a little nervously.

Your next words seems to escape his ears, a possible ‘no worries’ or just a laugh as he zones out and nods bashfully.

“Y-You fell because of me?” You ask in slight disbelief.

“Well I think I fell for you dove, but I was too embarrassed you’d think I was weird, so I didn’t tell you.” Cedric sighs with a light chuckle.

“You thought I’d think you were weird?” You stammer.

“Well yes. You were absolutely stunning darling, I didn’t want to scare you off!” Cedric chuckles, pulling you back into his arms and pressing a kiss onto your hair.

He pauses, and when you don’t pull away Cedric’s lips pull into a small smirk.

“Do you remember the first time you gave me a hug?” He questions softly.

Your lips pull up against your wishes and you nod.

“You froze up because you got uncomfortable.”

“Wrong again.” Cedric states in a song like voice.

“Really?” You laugh gently, looking up into Cedric’s gray eyes and cocking your eyebrow.

“Oh darling, you don’t know the half of it.” The brunette sighs, recounting the story.

“Can we please just take a break y/n?” Cedric groans, laying his head on his arms tiredly as you scan through your textbook.

“You’re the one who suggested we study together, remember.” You smirk, scribbling something on a sheet of parchment as Cedric’s face goes red.

“Yes well, I was hoping for more than just actual studying.” Cedric sighs as your eyebrow cocks.

The brunette looks at you strangely before realization dawns on him.

“No! Not like that!” He rushes as your melodic laugh sounds in his ears.

“Don’t worry Ced I didn’t think of it like that.” You chuckle, finally calming down from your fit of laughter. “If you wanted to do something else, you could have just asked.” You sigh, leaning over and wrapping the brunette in a side hug.

Cedric’s blood runs cold as his face grows red, he wasn’t expecting that reaction from you and he sure as hell did not know how to react.

His brain told him to laugh it off and hug you back, but his heart panicked and he simply froze.

“Oh- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” You apologize, retracting your arms.

Fuck. Cedric panics as he sees your smile pull down.

“No y/n, it’s alright.” He laughs nervously pulling you to your feet.

“Black lake is rather beautiful this time of day, care to join me?” Cedric suggests, switching the topic and jabbing his thumb in the direction of the lake.

“Oh, sure!” You shrug with a smile, following closely behind as the hufflepuff releases a breath of relief and turns back to you.

“Perfect, we’ll be just in time for the sunset!”

“So you’re telling me this entire time, you were just too nervous to hug me back?” You deadpan, looking into Cedric’s embarrassed eyes.

“I-I didn’t want you to know I was pinning for you, so I played along.” He chuckles, stroking your cheeks with his thumbs.

“Why are you telling me all this Ced?” You mumble, giving into his soothing gesture and relaxing into him.

“And here I was thinking I was being obvious.” Cedric chuckles, looking down at you.

“I’m reminding you how beautiful you are darling. I’m a deer in headlights every single time I see you, I can never think straight when I look into your eyes and Merlin darling, do I stumble whenever I see that body of yours.” Cedric teases, pulling you closer and attacking your neck with kisses.

You laugh, but your tone grows serious again. “I- don’t know Ced.” you pause looking down to avoid eye-contact. “It’s just every time I look in the mirror I can only see my flaws. All my scars and imperfections. How could I possibly be beautiful?” 

Cedric smiles sadly at your comment.

“I know it may be hard to believe angel, but I’m in love with all of your so-called ‘flaws.’ Every inch of you is stunning in every way, every bit builds up to the person I love the most in this world, how could I not love everything about you?” Cedric murmurs, tilting your chin up so he could show you how serious he was. You open your mouth to speak, but Cedric continues.

“I fell in love with your personality y/n, you’re sweet, compassionate, strong and witty, but I-I also cannot deny that I find you absolutely breath-taking. I haven’t told you enough how beautiful you are and I whole-heartedly regret that, but darling everything about you gets me-” Cedric pauses, swallowing thickly and taking a deep breath at the feeling of your body pressed against his.

“Gets you what darling?” You question unknowingly, shifting yourself so you’re resting a little more comfortably in between his legs.

“Darling.” Cedric begins in a much lower voice, “everything about you. Those beautiful e/c eyes, strong swaying hips even those perfectly pursed lips get me so enticed.” Cedric whispers, licking his upper lip and leaning down closer to you.

“C-Cedric?” You squeak as his hard gaze bores to your very core.

“You heard me love, you drive me absolutely insane in every way, I’m having a hard time keeping my hands off of you right now.” He smirks, pulling you closer and nipping gently on your ear.

All was quiet until Cedric let out a small snicker and the two of you erupt in laughter.

“W-Why are you laughing love? I was serious.” Cedric chuckles, burying his face in the crook of your neck as he does his best to contain his laughter.

“I-I know darling, b-but I’ve never seen you so serious and I couldn’t help it.” You tease, hugging Cedric around the torso until you’ve both quieted down again.

“I did mean what I said though angel, you’re absolutely beautiful and I’ll stop at nothing to make sure you know it.” Cedric states proudly, swiftly pulling his head from your neck and holding your face in his hands.

“I. Love. You. So. Much.” He murmurs happily, placing a kiss on your nose, cheeks and forehead in between each word.

“I love you too, Cedric.” You smile gently, placing your own hand over his and leaning closer into him.

“You’re gonna make me pass out from adorableness if you keep that up love, now come on, I have a surprise for you.” Cedric smiles, pressing a long chaste kiss to your lips and standing to his feet.

“Come on princess, d’you trust me?” Cedric smirks, extending his hand to you.

You roll your eyes and take his hand. “Yes, I do.”

Cedric smiles widely and pulls you to your feet, swinging your arms between you as he walks back out into your room and ruffles around in his small pack.

“What is all this for anyways.” You question, pointing at the small bundle he was digging through.

“You didn’t expect me to leave you by yourself on Valentine's day, did you?” He chuckles, retrieving a large hoodie and walking back over to you.

“Valentine’s day?” You question furrowing your eyebrows and looking at the calendar on your desk. “Bloody hell it’s Valentine’s day.” You panic, realizing you had nothing to give to your boyfriend.

“Ah, ah, ah. Don’t you dare get worked up about a silly gift darling. I’ve got today covered.” Cedric smirks, pulling the hoodie over your head and sitting you on your mattress.

Your stress seems to disappear the moment the soft material envelopes you. The scent of warm wood and vanilla waft into your nose and you immediately smile. Looking down, you realize this was Cedric’s quidditch hoodie, his favorite one with his last name stitched in yellow at the back.

“Now!” He claps, bringing your attention back to him. “One of my friends has muggle parents, and when I told him about your love of movies, he leant me this little contraption.” Cedric smiles, lifting a small projection box from the wrap. “Now, I’m not quite sure how to use it, but there’s never something little magic can’t fix.” Cedric exclaims, pulling his wand from his pocket and tapping on the small box-shaped item.

Almost immediately the projector lights up and f/m begins to play.

“Perfect.” Cedric grins, placing the projection so it’s hitting the empty space on the wall opposite to your bed.

“Now what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t have…” Cedric continues, summoning a beautiful bouquet of red roses from his wand, “flowers for my princess.” He chuckles, kneeling down in front of you and holding them out for you to take. “Oh Cedric, they’re beautiful.” You gasp, holding them to your nose.

“Now scoot over love, I have one final thing to give you.” The hufflepuff smiles.

“Cedric, now you’re just making me feel bad.” You huff, crossing your arms.

“Darling, you spoil me with affection all the time. At least let me spoil you with gifts today.” He pouts, his grey eyes lightening with a grin as you eventually nod and give in.

“Now close your eyes.” Cedric coos as you place your hands over your face and wait.

You feel his arms reach around your head and a small weight around your neck.

“Alright, open them.” He murmurs, leaning back as you remove your hands from your eyes and glance down. A simple gold chain with rectangular golden rod that reaches the middle of your chest adorns your neck. “Thank you Ced it’s-”

“Wait, that’s not even the surprise.” Cedric smirks.

He reaches for your wand resting on your pillow and holds it to the rod.

“My heart is yours, and the memories I hold, I share with you.” He murmurs.

Suddenly a small beam of light flashes from the tip of the rod into the air in front of you.

The light becomes a picture, flickering until you can see… Yourself. You see yourself with your arm outstretched like you’re reaching for someone.

“Oh my goodness! A-Are you alright?” Your concerned voice rings from the picture and your eyes widen.

Your jaw drops as another hand enters the vision, Cedric’s.

“I’m great! Um- thank you.” The familiar, shy voice responds as his point of view rises. Cedric had managed to put his first encounter with you into this necklace.

You watch as Cedric’s ‘vision’ flickers from your eyes down to your lips, when it changes.

“If you wanted to do something else, you could’ve just asked.” Your voice rings again, as you see yourself with pink cheeks, reaching over to wrap Cedric in a hug.

The point of view shifts once more to a beautiful sunset by black lake. You gaze down at yourself being held in Cedric’s arms. You’re whispering something, but you can’t pick it up as Cedric’s vision leans closer and presses a kiss to your lips, he pulls back you can see your face heat up and your lips pull into a smile.

Tears began welling in your eyes again as you remember that very day.

You begin to blink rapidly as you process everything that happened. For a moment, you believed you were dreaming and you even pinched yourself to make sure.

Nope, this was really happening. Cedric smiles softly and sighs.

“I-I’ve got a crush on you y/n.” He confesses softly.

“I would hope so after you kiss me Ced.” You tease lightly, still registering everything as you leaned into him.

“Do you like me?” Cedric chuckled.

“What if i do?” You question smugly, hiding the growing smile forming on your lips.

“Then I ask you to be mine.” He states plainly

“Well, I do like you Cedric Diggory.”

“Then y/n l/n. Will you be mine?”

“Yes, dummy.” You laugh, wrapping your arms around his neck and connecting your lips once more.

The memory of Cedric asking you to be his was encompassed in the necklace as well, but something stood out to you. Because you could see this from Cedric’s perspective, you noticed him glancing all around your face, one moment he was gazing at your lips, the next your eyes or your nose, you remember Cedric staring at you strangely at the lake, and now you understood why. Cedric really did find beauty in every insecurity you had, and from the look on his face, he always had.

The lights cut off abruptly and as your eyes readjust to the light being cast from your windows, your gaze flickers back up to the brunette looking down at you.

The tears flow freely as you open and close your mouth, like a fish out of water, trying to find the right words as Cedric chuckles and presses his forehead against yours.

“H-How did you-?”

“A magician never reveals his secrets darling, now you’ll have a piece of me wherever you go.” Cedric murmurs, lifting the necklace to his lips and placing a kiss onto it.

“B-But why?” You ask, unable to control the soft sobs from choking up your words.

Cedric’s smile grows and takes your hand into his, lacing your fingers together as he lifts your hand over his heart.

“I love you so much darling. I wanted you to have the memories I hold the dearest and closest to my heart, so I found a way to do it and now they’re yours too.” Cedric chuckles, allowing his own tears to slip down his face.

“Everything in this world means nothing without you my love, I’m hoping this proves that.” Cedric smiles,  lifting your hands from his chest to his lips to press a long kiss to them.

“I hope you know that when you watch these memories, you know that I’m thinking how lucky I am to have you beside me.” Cedric continues leaning closer.

“I’m thinking how grateful I am. How beautiful you are. How perfect everything feels when you’re beside me.” Cedric smiles, kissing you after each phrase.

“I love you so much darling.”

“Oh Ced.” You cry, wrapping your arms around his neck and climbing onto his lap so you’re clinging onto him.

“I’ll hold these memories everyday, I‘ll cherish every moment we spend together and hold you in the closest place to my heart until my final breath. Know that I’m eternally grateful to have you with me, and I hope you know I love you just as much.” You smile, watching Cedric’s eyes light up as another tear escapes down his cheek and he lets out a gentle chuckle.

“Calm down love, it’s not even our wedding yet.” Cedric chaffs, but you hear the sincerity in his voice as he begins nuzzling his nose to yours.

You giggle, resting your forehead against Cedric’s as the world goes quiet and everything falls into place. An invisible force seems to push you forwards until you are interlocking lips with your lover. It starts off soft until Cedric tilts his chin to deepen the kiss, and you oblige, parting your lips and allowing his tongue to roam in your mouth as you move your lips in sync with his. In that moment, every insecurity seemed to fade, all you could feel was Cedric’s soft lips pulling you into a bliss like state. You reluctantly pull back for a moment to catch your breath and smile at the loving gaze Cedric looked upon you with. You couldn’t help but reconnect your lips again with a smile, run your fingers through his thick brown curls and sighing contently.

“I can’t wait to marry you.”

[moodykylo]

Sleep Deprived

CW: Sleep deprivation, canon typical self loathing

Spoilers for tpp season 2&3

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Juno Steel was exhausted. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept a full night on the Carte Blanche, and it was starting to catch up to him. 

Juno’s sleep was becoming increasingly restless as the nights came and went; each night leaving old memories rearing their ugly heads. When he was able to sleep, it was anything but peaceful. Whenever Juno found himself drifting off, nightmares would begin behind his eyes, jolting him awake. He had to stop sleeping in the same room as Nureyev in fear of waking him. Now, he was alone, nightmares becoming worse and worse. He had really thought he was done with these childish nightmares of Sarah and Benzaiten, but now they were increasing in both frequency and fervency.

Now, Juno was sitting in his own room, on his bed, eyes burning with fatigue and brain on fire with memories. He sat in his bed, eyelids drooping as he fought with sleep. 

After about half an hour, sleep finally won and Juno’s dreams were anything but sweet.  Sweat beaded on his forehead and he thrashed in his sleep, mumbling quietly, behind his eyes a scene of the past replaying like a favorite movie, until finally, he woke with a gasp, chest heaving. 

Juno groaned, standing from his bed. He wandered out into the hallway - if he was going to be awake, he might as well make himself useful. He stopped in the middle of the hall to lean on the wall as dizziness hit him with no warning. Frustrated with the spell, he pushed through it, rubbing at his eyes.

Juno entered the kitchen, taking out his comms and squinting at it. The rest of the Carte Blanche crew would be up soon. At least he’d gotten some sleep that night, he thought to himself with a bitter laugh. He got himself a glass of water before walking over to the stove and starting to cook a simple meal as breakfast for the crew. 

Contrary to popular belief, Juno did know how to cook. Sure, his ability wasn’t anything spectacular, but he did know how to cook something decent. Today, “something decent” was pancakes. He made almost every pancake perfectly round, saving the oblong one for himself (although he could only manage to eat half of it).

Juno was just finishing up making the pancakes for almost everyone on the ship - although Buddy would be having her usual morning cocktail instead - when Jet walked into the kitchen, bright and early as usual.

“Juno. You’re awake before usual,” Jet said before gazing at the pancakes. “And you’ve cooked. This is out of character, you sleep the latest of everyone,” Jet observed. 

“Hey big guy. I was just awake early, couldn’t sleep.” Juno shrugged. He wasn’t exactly lying per se, but he wasn’t telling the truth, either. Juno rubbed his eyes as another dizzy spell threatened to make him lose his balance.

Jet looked Juno once over without saying a word, and then he grabbed a plate of pancakes. Rita walked into the kitchen next, eyes wide upon seeing Juno standing there. 

“Mistah steel! You’re never awake this early! You made pancakes too!? What, is it my birthday or somethin’? No, no my birthday ain’t for another few months-” Rita rambled before Juno cut her off to explain.

“Just couldn’t sleep. Wanted to do something nice for once, I guess,” he mumbled, leaning against the counter to keep himself steady - why was he so dizzy? Well, it could be the lack of sleep, but it had to be more than that, he thought to himself before Rita’s voice pulled him out of thought. 

“Awww Mistah Steel, that was awful sweet of ya. Thanks, boss!” Rita said before grabbing her pancakes. 

“Not your bo- You’re welcome, Rita.” Juno sighed, a tired smile playing on his lips. 

There was a short wait before the rest of the crew was in the kitchen all with varying reactions. 

“Woah Steel, didn’t know you were capable of being awake before noon, or that you could cook!” Vespa joked before taking a look at Juno, he looked absolutely exhausted. She walked closer to him, talking so only he could hear. “You alright? You look tired.” 

Juno sighed before pushing the heel of his palm into his eyes. “Just fine Vespa, just couldn’t sleep last night.” He blinked hard, trying to get rid of the thick weight of exhaustion from his eyes. 

Vespa almost said something else before Buddy walked into the kitchen. 

“What’s this about Juno cooking?” Buddy said looking over at the pancakes and her cocktail sitting on the counter, not missing how utterly wrecked Juno himself looked. She had known Juno had not been sleeping and saw it was now catching up with the ex P.I. “I’m impressed, wonderful job.” she praised. 

“Thanks…” Juno replied timidly. He was always struck with an odd pride when Buddy complimented his work.

Before any other words could be said, Nureyev entered the kitchen. “Juno, you’re up early…” His eyes were filled with an unspoken worry. Juno just shook his head, already knowing Peter wanted to ask what was wrong. 

“I’m fine, Ransom.” Juno replied before sitting down abruptly; standing was becoming too much work, his knees felt weak and his vision was fading in and out, he was cold, was anyone else cold? It didn’t seem that way… 

“Look everyone I’m fine, I just couldn’t sleep so I figured why don’t I make myself useful for once in the morning.” Juno said again, a tad too crankily. The tone made both Nureyev and Buddy raise an eyebrow, but the conversation was already moving forward when Rita started talking about a stream. Nureyev grabbed his pancakes and Buddy grabbed her meal replacement, a pinot noir, and sat down. 

When everyone was distracted from the discussion, Juno snuck out of the kitchen and into his bedroom to hide under his blankets - he was freezing. He knew that this probably meant a fever. The chills doubled with the room spinning when he moved too quickly and the splitting headache he had, he knew he was completely fucked for the day. 

He closed his eyes for a second before someone was knocking on his door, next thing he knew he was on his feet grabbing clothes from his closet. “Come in,” he said quietly. 

“Juno darling.” Nureyev’s gently called out before walking into the room. “Are you alright? You left rather quickly.” Peter looked over to Juno picking out clothes from the closet. 

“Yeah, just changing into some actual clothes…” Juno responded, putting his selected clothes on the bed. He discreetly grabbed onto the bedpost as the worst dizzy spell that day hit him.

“Juno?” Peter asked as he watched Juno grip the bedpost and sway dangerously. “What’s going on?” 

“‘M fine, just need a minute.” Juno straightened himself out trying to pretend nothing had even happened. “What’s up? What did you need?” Juno looked at Peter, shaking his head to clear the blurriness that was obstructing his view of his beautiful boyfriend, his makeup already done for the day, and suddenly he was embarrassed to be seen in his current state. 

“Are you okay? What happened just then?” Nureyev walked closer to Juno, taking note of how tired he looked, of the slight flush he could see on Juno’s face. “Are you sick? You look exhausted.” 

Juno mentally cursed himself, he was busted - he knew he couldn’t lie to Peter Nureyev, whenever he tried the thief saw through his lies immediately. 

“No, I’m not sick. Just haven’t been sleeping very well lately. It’s kind of starting to take a physical toll.” He sat down on his bed, too weak to stand, a chill running up his spine, accentuating his weakness. 

“Nightmares again?” Peter asked Juno, to which the other nodded. Peter took note of Juno’s state and frowned, concern evident on his face. 

“Are you sure you’re not ill? You seem to have a fever.” Nureyev cupped Juno’s face, frown deepening at the heat he found. 

“Careful Nureyev, you don’t want to get frown lines.” Juno joked before leaning into the coolness of Peter’s hands. 

“Now isn’t the time for jokes, darling, I am rather worried about you.” Peter said to Juno, cupping his too-hot cheek. 

“‘M okay.” Juno said, still leaning into Peter. 

“You don’t seem okay, dear… I’ll be right back, alright?” Nureyev asked, sitting Juno down on his bed. He was going to get Vespa, she was the ship’s doctor, after all, she would know what to do. 

“...Okay,” Juno responded after a beat. 

Peter took a final look at Juno, smiling at him worriedly before walking out of the room and beginning the search for Vespa. 

With Nureyev’s absence, Juno laid down on his bed, wrapping himself in blankets, trying to keep his eyes open. It was a grueling task, but he didn’t really feel like reliving every traumatic event he’d ever had upon falling asleep.

Sleep almost won, but just barely, Nureyev was back in Juno’s room with Vespa before the former P.I. could succumb to slumber. 

“Steel, I knew something was up with you this morning,” Vespa said as she entered the room, looking Juno over. 

Nureyev stood out of Vespa’s way, nervously watching, he’d seen Juno deal with quite a lot, and perhaps that’s what made him more nervous. 

“So, you wanna tell me what’s wrong, or am I going to have to examine you?” Vespa asked Juno, who only nodded listlessly. 

“Yes to which one Steel?” Vespa asked sharply, her worry coming off as impatience, she was used to Juno’s sharp tongue, and seeing him acting so unlike himself was worrying. 

“First one. Haven’t been sleeping well.” Juno slurred exhaustedly. 

Vespa looked at him sympathetically, she understood sleepless nights due to nightmares, she, however, had never had a time where the sleeplessness caught up to her quite as bad as it did Juno. 

“There’s nothing I can really do besides treat the fever Ransom told me about.” Vespa explained, pulling out fever reducers and handing them to Juno, who swallowed them dry and laid down. 

Vespa and Peter exchanged a worried look before Vespa left the room. 

Juno watched Vespa leave through half-closed eyes, fighting against sleep. He ultimately lost the battle, however, when he was asleep within minutes of Vespa’s departure. 

Peter watched Juno fall asleep, sighing in relief watching the ex-detective’s features grow soft and unguarded in sleep. Unfortunately for Juno, this peaceful sleep didn’t last long. 

After about an hour of Juno sleeping “peacefully”, Nureyev watched Juno’s expression twist into discomfort, sweat rolling down his boyfriend’s face, cheeks slightly flushed from fever. Juno started mumbling incoherently, terrified of a threat invisible to Nureyev’s eyes. 

Nureyev considered waking Juno as he watched him grow more and more terrified, but ultimately didn’t need to, Juno woke on his own, a strangled cry ripping from his throat. 

Juno couldn’t remember what his dream was about when he woke, hearing his own screams and feeling tears slipping down his cheeks, but he was still shaken anyway. He remembered hearing screams and feeling cool tears in his dream but maybe that was just his own. 

Nureyev was staring at him, looking at Juno with such worry that it made the P.I. feel sick to his stomach. He didn’t like being the cause of such a look. 

“Sorry, I’m okay.” Juno said timidly, watching Peter relax a little. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Peter asked, but regretted it when he saw Juno visibly tense at the question. 

“I don’t exactly remember what happened.” Juno explained, weariness seeping out with every word. 

Nureyev only nodded, letting Juno drift off again.

____________________________________________________________________________

Many hours passed of the same cycle of Juno sleeping and waking with a strangled noise, whether it be a gasp or a scream, and Juno could tell it was only stressing Peter out, so when dinner finally came, Juno practically begged Nureyev to take a break from watching him. 

“I’ll be fine, It’ll only be an hour at most.” He’d said, Nureyev, nodding and leaving with a look of apprehension. 

Juno sighed, he knew why Nureyev was hesitant to leave, why he was always hesitant to leave; because Juno himself had left him alone. 

After the guilt wore off, Juno found his eyes growing heavy once more and he fell back to sleep. 

It was quiet for a while before Juno awoke again, sweat pouring down his face, and a faint knock at the door. 

“Come in,” Juno said quietly, expecting Vespa to be checking in on him, however, that was not who it was. 

“Ah Juno, I hope I didn’t wake you.” It was Buddy, her heels clicking on the floor as she walked into Juno’s room. 

“You didn’t wake me, I was already awake,” Juno said, embarrassed; he respected Buddy, and here he was looking like a mess. 

Buddy frowned. “Ah well, I’d like to have a chat with you,” Buddy said, her nerves ever slightly showing. 

Juno’s chest tightened with fear. “Um, yeah, sure…” Juno replied, feeling like a child caught with their hand caught in the cookie jar. 

“You’re not in any sort of trouble. I just want to ask, are you alright? I’ve just noticed you haven’t been sleeping recently, and well, I’ve been woken up a few times from hearing you scream.” Buddy explained looking at Juno with pity. 

Juno felt small and weak. “I’m sorry.” He responded meekly, guilt ever so evident in his tone. 

“Nonsense,” Buddy replied sitting on Juno’s bed, keeping her distance but still sitting close enough to be a comfort. “It’s no bother to me, it only concerns me that you’re bottling things up again.” She gave Juno a knowing look. 

“Sorry.” Juno replied, looking at the floor. He felt the guilt crawl up from his chest and into his throat and before he knew it, he was crying in front of the person he respected the most. 

Buddy felt a pang of sadness but did not let it show, she kept her composure and began to speak again. 

“I know things haven’t been easy for you. I don’t want you bottling all these emotions up, how about you talk about these nightmares of yours with me? No pressure but, it might help.” Buddy said, placing a comforting hand on Juno’s back. 

And with that, Juno began to sob, spilling his guts to Buddy, telling her everything that happened in his dreams. He wailed and retold the memories to Buddy, stopping with hiccuping breaths. 

Buddy had known of the former P.I’s struggles but hadn’t known the extent of them all. Perhaps she could blame the fever but she hadn’t expected all the walls Juno had built up to crumble at that moment, but she knew one thing - Juno trusted her. 

Juno couldn’t believe how easily he’d just said everything to Buddy, his captain, and the person who could kick him out of the crew at the slightest wrong move. He didn’t care, he finally felt light, lighter than he’d felt in months, and after a few moments, he spoke.

“So much for you not being my therapist,” Juno said with a tired smile.

Buddy laughed, the sound hearty and melodic, making Juno laugh along with her. 

“I may not be your therapist, but I do care about you, Juno, and that counts for something,” Buddy replied once her laughter died down. 

Juno smiled. “Yeah. Thanks, Buddy.” He laid down, suddenly too exhausted to continue sitting upright. 

“Any time dear, now I do believe it’s time you get some rest, hmm?” Buddy suggested, standing from the bed. 

Juno nodded, closing his eyes and drifting off, and as Buddy left he fell asleep, staying asleep, peacefully for the first time in a good long while.

[dreamywriterinthedark]

Losing you pt III: Picking up the pieces

Pairing: Spencer x Reader

Category: angst, slight fluff.

Resume: Reader struggles to get over a traumatic experience and isolates themselves. They have an outburst, Spencer finds them in the middle of it and offers a helping hand.

Trigger warnings: death, blood, trauma, anger issues, alcohol (please let me know of something was forgotten)

A/N: I don’t know how I feel about this series. Let me know if you like it or what you would like to see. This is what would’ve happened if Linda Barnes was leader of the team. I’m guessing this is a bit of homage to Elle who deserved better. I would love to hear your feedback and whether you want a fourth part. Thanks <3

You slipped off your blind fold, your calmness was interrupted by the broad figure in front of your eyes. The hooded man slowly made his way towards you.

“Please, don’t kill me!” you screamed at the top of your lungs. He looked at you with such viciousness as if he was planning all the horrendous things he was going to do to you in his head. You rose up panting from another hostile episode slapping the light switch of the lamp on your nightstand.

You were on your bed completely exhausted yet wide awake. You could not allow yourself to sleep because every time you did you woke up in sweats due hallucinations and nightmares. You could not differentiate what was real and what was an illusion anymore. You walked to your kitchen pouring yourself a glass of water, your hands were so shaky you dropped the glass and flenched at the sound. By trying to pick up the pieces you cut your hand, the sight of blood on your hands brought you back to that night when you almost died and your boss hardly bat an eye.

Your vision was getting blurred whether it was your brain making you depersonalise or your tears clouding your view you couldn’t tell. You were uncontrollably sobbing. That’s when it hit you, you needed help. You hated yourself for it, it flet like you were a burden. However, you felt guilt creep in furthermore when you saw your phone light up with all the texts, all the calls you ignored making the team even more worried. You swiped the notification from your 13 missed calls making your phone call Spencer. You felt a rush go through your vein, a rush to abort whatever mission you were on, the rush to flight. The kind of rush that could’ve saved your life.

After two rings you hung up feeling stupid, now wondering if you woke him up for nothing. You slammed your phone on your kitchen counter. The anger levels spiking, overtaking the small amount of rational thoughts in your head. You sighed running your hands through your hair. Completely numb, more and more glass shattered on the floor. Once the energy was in too limited quantity in your body. You grabbed a bottle of wine chugging from it in your bathtub like a child trying to avoid family gatherings. You cried until you were too dehydrated to keep the tears flowing, until your eyes were swollen.

The ring of your doorbell caught your attention. Or was it another cruel hallucination ? You were going to ignore it until you heard it be rung once more. You checked who it was through the lense.

“Shit,” you swore, it was Spencer.

“Open the door, Y/n. I know you’re here.” you rolled your eyes at Spencer’s request your back pressed against the cold steel.

“I’m a mess.” you responded trying to dissuade him to come in.

“Your mess is my mess. I’m your home, remember ?”

You smiled detaching yourself from the door unlocking it. He pressed the handle letting his weight make the door shift open. You were brushing with a broom the glass pieces to the side to allow him to circulate safely in your apartment. He saw the blood on your floor, the bandage on your hand; he solved the puzzle himself. You turned to him, no words were needed, he saw the look in your eyes. He cupped the back of your head with one of his hands and wrapped his arm around your torso carefully, gently as if you were as fragile as fine china. You wrapped your arms around his waist breathing in his scent. He pulled away, both hands at the side of your head.

“I want to be that person you can tell anything to. The good and the bad.”

You looked up at him. “Barnes is considering suspending me because I did not follow his orders. Spencer, I had no choice…” he could hear your heart break in your voice.

“She’s not allowed to do this.” He informed you.

“She’s not ?” He nodded in response.

“She violated protocole in the first place by using governmental fund for a case too personal to him. He got his proof only by putting you in a position of danger when she needed it to act. Like you said you had no other choice. I’ve done it before, I was never reprimanded me.”

“Yeah cause you’re a man. If a man kills a rapist, he’s a hero but if a woman does it, she’s a cold-blooded crazy murderer. Gosh, I miss Emily.”

“Talk about double standards.” Spencer said, “You know, she misses you too, we all do.”

“I doubt it, honestly. I was so determined to get her validation it almost cost me my life. Maybe I should just let her know how I feel.”

“Yeah, you definitely should.”

“But what am I even gonna say to her ? What if she’s right ? What if I’m actually delusional or dangerous ?”

“Hey, hey, Y/n. Slow down.”

“Please talk some sense to me. It’s like I’m going out of my mind!”

“It wasn’t your fault. It was legitimate defence. I saw it, the whole team saw it and has your back.” he reassured you, his face closer to yours.

“Should I write her a-“

“No, you’re not doing anything tonight.” He interrupted you. “Just go take a shower then we can talk about it. Sounds good ?” you nodded to respond to him which he, as usual didn’t mind even after going on an endless monologue.

While you were in the shower, he cleaned up the mess your anger made. Once you were done, you sat down on your matcha green sofa watching the sunrise. “It’s already 4am ?! I’m so sorry for keeping you awake.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m a night owl anyways so it’s nothing out of the ordinary. Did you know that falling asleep late is linked with a high IQ ?” he said making his way to you with two cups of tea.

“Then I must be a genius.” you answered half jokingly. “Oh thank you.” you took hold of the warm but not steamy cup in your hands. You remembered Spencer once telling you that the reason why so many dislike tea is because they think it tastes like dirt, it’s not supposed taste like that, see, if the water is burning hot it’s going to burn the leaves and speed the infusion process making it too concentrated. You turned to look at him, he was already looking.

“Sometimes I wonder how you can put up with me.”

“Because I love you.” He never failed to remind you how much he loves you even especially on your worst days. You explained what had been going on, he debunked and dismantled every question pending in you head, every lie your brain told you. It felt like a weight was lifted off your shoulders. For the first time in a while, you felt safe in your own home. Instead of your alarm clock, the sound of the birds were ringing in you ears. You both agreed to go talk to Barnes to solve whatever the problem was that morning. “I’m not going down without a fight, especially not when it comes to that bitch!” Spencer boldly commented to your surprise. You weren’t healed just yet but at least you got out and socialised. At least you opened up to someone you could trust.

You stepped out of the elevator one hand holding coffee, the other holding your boyfriend’s hand. Everyone walked up to you giving you a hug and greeting you. Penelope was so enthusiastic it was overwhelming.

“Long time no see,” commented Luke. “You too,” you hugged him back.

“What happened to your hand ?” asked JJ.

“I dropped a glass.” you nervously responded, you were telling the truth…at least part of it.

“Welcome back!” said Tara squeezing an embrace as well.

“Oh I don’t know about that just yet.” you said to her.

“We need to talk to Barnes first.” added Spencer.

“Whatever happens, we’re with you, Y/n” said Garcia. The others agreed, it felt good to be supported, so much you regret isolating yourself for so long.

Silence made its way into a conversation that was once filled by joy. You threw your coffee in the trash can before turning your body towards his office. Spencer, resting his hand on your back, asked “Are you ready, darling ?” You took in a deep breath sharply, nodding your head yes without taking your gaze off the door.

[neoheros]

how would haikyuu boys handle spending the night together? feat. kuroo tetsuro, akaashi keiji, tsukishima kei

kuroo tetsuro

the first time you and kuroo spent the night together was a wednesday evening when you didn’t even plan on staying over

his parents left town for the day and it was a better time than any other to have you spend the afternoon

you were still both in your uniforms and with the school day you just had, it was safe to say that you deserved to lay on top of him on the couch while your hands are in his hair

you were tired from school and he was tired from practice

you barely even spoke to each other that afternoon, all you remember was him offering to take a nap with you in his bed and you being too sleepy to decline

you changed into one of his sweatshirts and a pair of shorts and when he saw you he just 🥺

kuroo: are we really that tired tho 👉👈

you, blinking: yes

the nap was so deep and peaceful that the only reason you woke up from it was because of the sound of a car pulling up in the driveway

that’s when you realize that you’ve actually spent the night and the bright light that’s been annoying your eyes for the past 2 minutes was the sun rising

you shift from your place but kuroo’s right grip on your waist only worsened as he pulled you closer to his chest

“stop moving so much,” he mumbles groggily, refusing to open his eyes as he snuggles against your shoulder blade

you panic, “kuroo we’re gonna be late,”

he takes a while to respond but you feel him nod softly against your skin, “we can skip first period,”

then you hear the front door open, your heart racing because kuroo clearly doesn’t have any plans on getting up soon

you try your best to push him away from you but the more you do the more his tightening his grip, too tired to open his eyes

you, panicking: if you don’t wake up now i’m breaking up with you

kuroo, mumbling: hmm we’ll get back together it’s okay

he’s pressing quick kisses against your shoulder and you almost swoon over the infatuated look he had on

“we should do this more often,” kuroo says, his voice quiet and you’re debating with yourself if he’s choosing not to hear his parents downstairs

you shift, “i know, i like this too, but your parents are home and i don’t want their first impression of me to be like this,”

he finally opens his eyes and lets go of the grip he had on you, you jump out of bed, hearing the footsteps from the stairs

“tetsu, are you awake yet?” his mom’s voice blared as she knocked on his door

you wanted to laugh as the panic set on your boyfriend’s face but you found yourself frozen still when you realize that this meant trouble if she found you in there

“kuroo, i swear to god, i will not let this be the first time your mom meets me,” you tell him in a hushed tone, quickly picking up your clothes

“yup!” he shouts back, and the first thing he could do when the doorknob twisted was shove you in his open closet

you yelp at the suddenness but you held the door closed as your pressed against his clothes in extreme tightness

“you’ll be late,” his mom says, entering his room

kuroo nods, “i’m actually skipping first period, my head hurts,”

there’s sweat on his forehead and his mom crosses her arms with a look

“fine,” she says, sighing, “your dad and i are going grocery shopping this morning so make sure to lock up before you go back to bed.”

kuroo lets out a breath of relief, walking his mom out the door and he shuffles to lock it before opening the closet to a rather agitated you

kuroo: i mean hey at least now we can have the morning in peace 😌

you, throwing a pillow at him: i hate you

kuroo, pulling you back in bed: hmm we’ll drive by starbucks before heading to school

you: i hate you less

tsukishima kei

first of all, sleeping with him is one thing and waking up next to him is another

he’s so stiff and on guard the whole time that you’d think he’s physically repulsed by the idea of you being beside him all night

you: i can take the floor, it’s really not a big deal

tsukki: are you kidding i’m not letting you sleep on the floor

you: wait aw 🥺

tsukki: at least take the couch

you can tell he’s anxious with the whole thing and you curse yourself for thinking it was a good enough time for the both of you to have a sleepover

but he’s just been away a lot from all the volleyball tournaments and it’s been so long since the two of you hung out that when he asked if you wanted to stay over you couldn’t say no

so now you’re left awkwardly sitting on his bed at 11 pm after the two of you finished a movie with nothing else to do

he eyes you down, you’re wearing one of his shirts which were obviously too big and a pair of sweats that you brought along

he glances at his watch, a faint pink on his face as he avoids your gaze

you: wait are you shy like are you actually

tsukki: hey remember when you offered to sleep on the floor

the two of you decide to just let tiredness take over you when you feel like it so you spend the next two hours in each other’s arms as you both scroll through tiktok

his nerves have calm down but you still feel the faint racing of his heart when you laugh from a video you see

you, internally: 🥺👉👈

but then you realize that hours have passed and neither of you are still tired enough to seriously lay down next to each other and try to sleep

tsukishima: do you want to go out for a drive?

you: it’s 3 am

tsukishima: ?

you: i like the way you think

AND ITS JUST SO !! FRICKEN !! ADORABLE !!!

he hands you an extra hoodie of his because it’s cold outside and he absolutely refuses to drive unless you put your seatbelt on

so it’s 3 am and the two of you are at a starbucks drivethru ordering too much caffeine for people who’re trying to fall asleep

you both end up chilling in their parking lot all morning just scrolling through twitter or tiktok and sometimes you’d feel him glance up at you from his phone but you decide not to mention it

you: why don’t we spend time like this more often

tsukishima: i honestly think you’ll find me boring if we hang out for more than an hour :/

you, soft: it actually takes less than an hour 🥺

before the two of you realize it you’ve fallen asleep in his car at a starbucks with the windows down and the 1975 blaring in the radio

you wake up first from the sunlight and you won’t deny the way your heart skipped a beat when you noticed how tsukki took off his hoodie to put on your thighs

you take off his glasses from his face, giving him a quick peck on the forehead before making sure he was comfortable and warm in his seat

he must’ve been tired and you really hope that you didn’t wake him up when you left the car to order more coffee for the both of you

akaashi keiji

THIS BOY IS AN ANGEL

he’s asleep by 10 pm and he’ll wake up at 8 just like he’s used to because he’s the most perfect boy in the world with the most perfect sleep schedule

you know of this fact and it bugs you cause sometimes you just really wanna facetime him at 3 am or reference him tiktoks that you found funny that day

so when he offered you a chance to stay over you were kinda on the rocks about it

you: yknow i sleep at 4 am right

akaashi: ... by choice?

you: at this point my body just shuts down when it wants to

akaashi, alarmed: oh

regardless of this fact, you could never turn down akaashi, it was like hard wired in your brain to never ever decline him and can you really blame yourself he’s 🥺

he insisted to stay up with you instead of you trying to fall asleep next to him at 9 pm but you just couldn’t put him through that

you put down your phone and even if it did feel odd to close your eyes without the sun rising, the sudden embrace by your boyfriend immediately made you forget about everything else

sleeping next to akaashi is utter heaven

he’s got his hand over your waist and his scent just envelops you in a non overpowering way

his fingers trail under your shirt and you shiver at how gentle they are

akaashi, under his breath: thank you for doing this

you, ready to risk it all: due to personal reasons i will be passing away ❤️

he places a quick kiss on your forehead before letting go of you and turning to his side

you felt like asking him back to you but you knew how tired he must’ve been so you don’t budge

you’re left staring at his room’s ceiling and you don’t know how long you did that but the next time you checked your phone it was already 1 am in the morning

you, internally: it’s like a talent omfg

aside from the fact that you’re close to tears as you think about how you stared at a ceiling for 3 hours straight because you didn’t want to go to sleep that much you stop fighting the inevitable

you prop yourself up on his headboard, careful not to wake him up beside you and start to go through what you usually do most nights

you’re so caught up on the tiktoks that you barely notice akaashi stirring from beside you before pulling the comforter over his head

he’s awake at this point and the silly grin on his face can’t be fought as he looks at you so indebted in what you watched

he leans against your shoulder, tired eyes and all whilst stifling back a yawn

you, sleepy: sorry for waking you

akaashi, just as sleepy: that’s ok, i like this better

the two of you spend the rest of the morning against each other on his headboard as you scroll through the contents of your phone

once akaashi realizes that you’ve fallen asleep, he gently pushes you back down on the pillows and your hands immediately make their way to embrace him

he will 100% take pictures before getting himself comfortable next to you, a soft smile on his face as he snuggles against your neck

akaashi, turning off his alarms: we can sleep in tomorrow

[suggiebabe]

Clumsy Care

A/N: Hi everyone! I hope you’ve been enjoying some of the works I’ve put out! I was thinking of opening my requests again, but since the break is almost over, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to handle them well?? We’ll see next week!

Pairing: Kirishima x Reader

Warnings: Secondhand embarrassment and fluff

Words: 1028

When you opened your eyes, the room was spinning. Your head was throbbing and your throat was achy. A thin layer of sweat covered your body, which made you pull off your sheets. 

You grabbed your phone and looked at the time. It was 10:47 am, meaning you slept through the first two periods of class. As you unlocked your phone, it started to buzz, messages of worry starting to roll in. 

“Where you @?” a message from Mina rolls in. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were skipping class today? I could’ve joined you :(” Denki’s message read.

You scrolled through some more messages, not having enough energy to reply at the moment, until one caught your eye,

“Hey, you feeling alright?” 

Your heart fluttered a bit. You read the name of the sender at least 3 times just to make sure your sickness wasn’t messing with your head. Yep, it said Kirishima. Clicking on the message, you saw he sent more. 

“If you want, I could swing by your dorm with some stuff to make you feel better??” 

You stared at your phone in shock, not knowing how to react to your crush offering to come to your dorm and care for you while you were sick. Once you remembered that you had reading receipts on, you started typing out your reply. 

“Sorry for answering late I’ve been feeling a little under the weather today... :( you can come by if it’s not too much of a hassle!”

Knowing he had class right now, you didn’t expect a quick response, but when you put your phone down, it buzzed. 

“Of course it’s not a hassle! I’ll help you anytime I get the chance :) See you after school!” 

You didn’t know if your heart was beating out of your chest because he responded during class, or if it was because he said he’d help you whenever he got the chance. Either way, you were happy with the outcome of the exchange, and with that, you fell back asleep.

The sound of firm knocking on your door woke you up from your slumber. You looked around annoyed, but then remembered who your visitor was going to be, you got out of bed as quickly as you could and walked to your door. Without hesitating, you opened it and was greeted by the familiar red-haired boy. He smiled at you and help up a bowl of warm soup. “Feeling hungry?” He asked. You nodded and moved out of the way to let him in.

The two of you sat on your bed and after a moment of silence, he spoke up. “So, I brought some things...” he said reaching for his bag. As pulled it off the table, he accidentally knocked the bowl of soup he brought for you over. “Oh shoot!” He said as he frantically dove to try and catch the bowl. All you heard was him groan in pain and the sound of the bowl crash on the floor. When you looked over at him, he had his finger in his mouth and there was now a wet mess on the floor. 

For a moment, you didn’t know what to do. Everything happened so fast and your head wasn't in the best condition right now to be understanding everything quickly. When the pieces finally put themselves together in your head, you walked over to where Kirishima was hunched over. “Awh Kiri, are you alright?” You asked, grabbing his hand to look at the damage he caused himself. “Yeah, just a little burn... Hey! Watch out for the spill behind you!” He reached over to move you, but instead, he accidentally pushed you and you fell into the puddle of steaming soup. You got up quickly and felt a sting on the upper back of your thigh. “Oh no! Y/N I’m sorry!” He reached out to your leg and tried to look at where you burned yourself. Your face flushed red when you realized he was looking at your butt, and you yanked yourself away from him. He looked at you confused, but when he realized where he was looking his face turned a deep red color. 

“Jeez! I can’t stop messing up today!” He groaned out while holding the sides of his face. “I’m sorry... I just wanted to be there for you when you weren’t feeling well, but I just made everything worse...” When you looked over at him, he was looking down at the floor, his voice sounded so sad. You crawled over to him and sat next to him. “Kiri, it’s alright!” You said, trying to make him feel better. When he looked up at you, your heart sunk. He had the biggest frown on his face and his eyes were filled with disappointment. Not really knowing what else to do, you reached out and hugged him. The action caught him by surprise, but after a while, he wrapped his arms around you. 

The two of you sat there, hugging in silence, until he pulled away. Your heart was going crazy. Did you just hug him? Did he hug you back? Wait, why’d he pull away? Did you do someth- Your thoughts were interrupted when he began to speak. “Hey Y/N, I didn’t really wanna say it like this, but I don’t know how much longer I can pretend I’m fine with being just friends...” You stared at him, the sickness causing your brain to run at a slower pace. “Agh... Basically... What I’m trying to say is... I like you. And I was wondering if you’d like to hang out sometime when the two of us aren't covered in soup burns and when you aren't going through a cold?...” You blinked, once, twice, three times. Did he just CONFESS? TO YOU? His words replayed in your head like a broken record. When you realized this was a real-life interaction and not one over text, you smiled and hugged him again. “Of course Kiri! I’d love to go on a date with you!” You pulled away and looked at him, the both of you smiling at each other. 

“Alright, Friday at 6 then.”

Another A/N: Hi! Hope you enjoyed! Sorry it was a little short, but at least I was able to get something out!!!