#I wish we got to see more of Tommy and Joel’s relationship

[builtaworldwithyourlove]

I Forget Where We Were

2.3k/ joel miller x f!reader / MINORS DNI 

summary: life with Joel from the start. Be kind please- this is my first piece and has taken 6 months of courage🤍

Chapter Four: In Dreams

Always a thing of wonder, the way we come to be

what to expect: you experience feelings of anxiety with the sudden new relationship. Joel is patient and teaches you to embrace this. 

warnings: bad language i guess idk?😂fluff, dad!joel,lover boy joel, no specific physical description of reader, female reader (please let me know if there is anything I’m missing, I will elaborate as the series goes on) no outbreak, age gap (reader is mid 20s and Joel is mid 40s), kinda cheesy joel, previous hurt and potential trauma for reader, emotionally intelligent baby boy, intense emotions, anxiety,angst but happy ending(i got you), parental loss, parental estrangement, Tommy being a wind up, vivid description of m/f sex and foreplay, unprotected piv (stay safe pls), 

    · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

‘Morning baby’ Joel shouted down the phone. You winced as you answered the phone call, which wasn’t entirely welcome at 6:30am on a Saturday.

‘Hey doll, I miss you. Wish I could wake up next to you again’ you whispered. 

‘I’ll come by to pick you up later for dinner, if you want, Sarah wants to see your big girl house’ Joel chuckled.

You heard your heart beat in your ears and every pulse point in your body jumping through your skin.

‘Erh… it’s fine. I’ll make my own way. I don’t know if that’s such a good idea’ you instantly regretted your choice of words, and felt guilty for almost shunning Sarah.

‘Baby, what’s going on?’ Joel panicked, digging into the source of your sudden change of heart.

‘I just can’t deal with this first thing in the morning, I’ll speak to you later.’ you hung up, tears forming in your eyes and dread washing over you, replacing the colour in your face. You cried and eventually fell back to sleep.

30 minutes later you woke back up, remembering your outburst, you felt like the coldest bitch in the world. You checked your phone: 

Joel- ‘I’m on my way x’ 

Sent 15 minutes ago.

You sighed, partly with relief, partly with anxiety of facing up to your skewed view of love.

The intercom buzzed, and you answered Joel, and headed to the balcony to wave him in.

   · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

He looked even more handsome than he did the day you met. Joel pulled your frame into his chest, and stroked your hair, as you breathed in his comforting scent. You stroked the side of his face, and he lifted you up and kissed you. 

‘Let’s go talk’ he held your hand, and playfully smacked your ass as you walked with him into the living room.

You grabbed the coffee mugs from the side and handed one to Joel. He patted his thigh as you sat next to him and draped your legs across his lap. He rubbed his calloused hands up and down your legs, and intently watched you as you gazed at him lovingly.

‘What’s going on baby?’ he asked. 

‘I’m scared. I can’t stop thinking that this is too good to be true and it’ll just end in broken hearts. I don’t want to let you down, I don’t want to let Sarah down. I can’t even start to believe that I’m worthy of you’ your chin wobbled as you admitted your fears.

He sighed and pulled you closer, ‘I’m not going to hurt you. From the minute I laid eyes on you, I knew you would be everything to me. I know it’s overwhelming baby, I really do. I know having Sarah is scary, as it’s an extra person to take into account, but she’ll love you. You’ll love her. You’re all we’ve ever wanted.’

‘You really mean that? I’m just not used to this. Anyone else would have punished me for how I feel.’ you held his hand tightly, and he squeezed your hand back.

‘My heart is yours baby. Come tonight, come see Sarah. She’s eager to meet you. For an 8 year old, she’s too intelligent for her own good. Hasn’t stopped asking since she heard the conversation about you between me and her uncle Tommy. We’ll look after you, if it’s too much, you can go. I mean it though. I want you in my life forever.’ A weight lifted and you smiled at him, through wet lashes and the debris of the walls that started to crumble down. 

‘I’ll see you both later’ you kissed him and hugged him goodbye, and started to clean the apartment before leaving for the evening.

   · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

You spent the afternoon  sunning yourself on the balcony, taking in the texan heat.

You showered, did your hair and makeup, and went with a white summer dress and a matching white bow to clip your curled hair back,

Your sprayed yourself with your favourite perfume, grabbed the beers you bought for Joel and the basket of princess themed snacks and magazines for Sarah, and made your way to the truck where Joel and Sarah waited for you.

Joel stood leaning against his truck with a bunch of roses in hand. Sarah escaped the back seat and ran towards you, much to Joel’s surprise and to your pure delight. You kneeled down to scoop Sarah into your arms as she dived into you for a cuddle. Joel followed and gave you a hug and a kiss to your forehead.

‘She’s pretty Daddy, you and Uncle Tommy were right’ she giggled and held your face between two tiny hands.

‘Not as pretty as you, Princess Sarah’ you winked ‘should we get going, missy?’

Joel watched with pride as you juggled your gifts and Sarah, and strapped her into the car seat.

You sat in the passenger seat, your pinky finger laced around Joel’s finger. 

You all erupted into fits of laughter with Sarah mispronouncing words and asking you all sorts of questions about Disney and being a ‘big girl’ as she says.

    · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

You all made it home, and Sarah dragged you by the hand to the end of the garden to show you ‘where the fairies lived.’ Everything shone brighter with Sarah narrating the way she saw the world. All the anxiety melted away, and you felt an instinct to love and cherish this baby forever.

Joel called you after setting up to cook, and gave you a glass of merlot. You reached up on your tip toes, kissed him and whispered ‘I think I’m in love with you.’ 

His world stood still as he stared at you with his mouth open and your hand in his. You winked, smiled and waltzed off to see Sarah again. His life was complete and he felt euphoric. He knew he was in love with you.

Joel tried to get back to Earth and  cooked dinner. He went outside to find you, where he heard you and Sarah in deep conversation. 

You were sat cross legged on the sun lounger, with Sarah crouched opposite you whilst you coloured in together. Joel sat by the patio door on the step, mentally capturing every second so he’d have this memory for eternity.

‘I can’t believe you’re a real life princess’ Sarah said. ‘Is your Mommy a princess too?

‘I don’t have a Mommy, my darling. She died when I was very little’ you held your breath for Sarah’s reaction. 

‘I don’t have a Mommy either- Daddy loves and looks after me enough for two’ Sarah giggled, her innocence cracking your heart and forming a lump in your throat.

Joel had to clear his throat to stop him crying. This information was new to him, and he saw you as the most fragile china doll.

‘Dinner’s ready, girls’ Joel called, coughing as his voice cracked through tears. 

   · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · · 

Joel sat opposite you, and you played with his feet through his socks with your bare toes under the table. His jaw ticked as he tried to keep his composure, watching you smile with Sarah and ask them both about their days and what they loved about it.

‘I’m done Daddy, can I go and watch Moana?’ Sarah yawned.

‘30 minutes baby, then it’s bath time.’

Sarah nodded and skipped through to the living room. You picked up the plates and began to clear up the mess. 

‘Did I say you could leave the table?’ Joel teased.

You rolled your eyes and walked over to Joel and whispered in his ear, ‘Thank you for dinner, Daddy.’

Joel’s face turned to stone and a bead of sweat appeared on his forehead. He grabbed your wrist and pulled him into you, ‘I’ll deal with you later’ he growled, as he bit onto your bottom lip.

You giggled and cleaned the kitchen for Joel, after much deliberation and arguing about if this was acceptable.

    · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

Sarah was tucked up in bed, and you and Joel sat on the porch drinking wine and laughing about life. 

‘I know I love you’ Joel declared.

‘Me too’ you replied ‘Me too baby.’

‘Sarah seems to love you too.’

‘I would do anything for that girl.’

Joel held your hand, and you moved to sit on his lap.

‘You feeling okay?’he asked as he kissed across your collarbone.

‘I’ve never been happier, my love’ you smiled, as you kissed his dark lips.

‘Get a damn room,’ Tommy yelled as he walked up the drive.

You jumped out of your skin and gave him the finger, suddenly feeling like you’d known this man and his ways all your life. You got up and went to cuddle him as he picked you up and twirled him. 

‘Now I might take you home for myself’ Tommy drawled, nodding at Joel who laughed and stood up.

‘Get fucked’ Joel said, as he got Tommy in a headlock and dragged him inside.

‘Want a beer, Tom?’ Joel called from the kitchen.

‘Yeah go on then brother’ Tommy responded.

   · · ────── ·𖥸· ─��──── · ·

Tommy and Joel laughed til they cried, sharing stories and tales with you. You laughed til your stomach hurt,and continued to feel lighter and lighter as you realised this was where you were meant to be.

‘Well you finally made it big brother,’ Tommy slapped his thighs and stood up, getting ready to leave. 

‘I told you she’d be mine’ Joel shrugged.

‘I’ll see you out, Tommy’ you said as Joel went to grab you more wine and Tommy said his goodbyes.

You got to the front door, and hugged Tommy goodbye. ‘Don’t be a stranger.’ 

‘Joel’s pretty certain on keeping you around, don’t think you can avoid me’ Tommy winked, just like his brother, and left.

   · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

The sun had set, and the crickets were chirping. You started to yawn, and tried to tell Joel you had to make your way home.

‘Stay here, baby’ he persuaded.

‘You can wear an old shirt to bed, and I’m sure we can find some toiletries’

‘You don’t have to ask me twice’ you kissed Joel on the cheek, and he scooped you up in his arms to carry you to bed.

His bedroom was exactly how you imagined. Dark wood furniture, black bedsheets and tobacco and oud scented candles. Flannel shirts sprawled on a rocking chair, and framed pictures of Sarah on a feature wall.

He layed on his back, arms folded behind his head, and you walked to the foot of his bed and you slowly crawled between his spread legs up toward his chest and kissed the top of his head. He kissed your chest, spilling out of your dress, and unzipped the back of it. 

You sat up, knees either side of his hips. Joel traced a finger down your sternum, towards the navel piercing you had and down towards the hem of your white lace underwear.

You felt his bulge grow beneath you, as you threw your head back and grinded against his jeans.

Joel wrapped his arms round you and flipped you over onto your back. You pawed at his bulge with your toes and he stripped down to his boxers.

‘Now you see what happens when you call me Daddy’ he growled into your ear. 

You gulped and whimpered. ‘That’s okay baby, I’m going to look after you.’he cooed.

He nibbled at your earlobe, breathing in your amber perfume and vanilla scented hair.

Joel delicately placed kisses on your neck, and covered the whole of your torso with his love.

‘I need you, Joel’ you begged.

The carnal urge took over and he tore your underwear off as he savoured your the wet between your legs. He held your hands as he drew circles on your clit with his tongue before adding two fingers inside you and drew an orgasm out of you. Your body shook as you legs tensed over his shoulders. He licked his lips and sucked his fingers vulgarly. He kissed you deeply ‘There’s my good girl. Can I fuck you yet?’

Your eyes rolled back from the pure filth coming from his mouth. You nodded. His cock was now coated in the mess from your orgasm, and he thrusted deep inside you, forcing you to sit up and wrap your arms round his neck. You bit down onto his shoulder and he fucked you hard and fast, propped on his knees and your legs wrapped round his waist, suspended in the air supported by his strength. 

You moaned in his ear and he moaned back ‘I love you.’

He pressed his lips to yours and your tongues tangoed around eachother. Messy, and urgent. He laid you down and slowed his pace as he brushed some hair out of your face.

‘I’d give anything to look at you like this every day for the rest or my life’ Joel struggled to get his breath back.

‘Make me yours’ you wriggled down the bed to get Joel’s full length deep inside you.

He moaned your name and began to fuck you hard again. He came and you were now bonded to him in the most intimate way.

Joel lifted your legs off his shoulders and kissed the soles of your feet as he got off the bed to grab a warm flannel, a glass of water and an old t-shirt.

You turned on your side, propped up by your elbow and faced Joel, ‘Thank you for making life so beautiful.’

He smiled ‘You’ve answered my prayers darling.’

Joel patted his chest and you rested your head upon him. ‘Sweet dreams angel baby’

For once, your world felt at peace.

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

[elliespuns]

I just hope Part III is coming

No word about it so far. But if there's Part 3, I hope (with all my mushy heart) we'll get some prequels to Joel's and Ellie's lives. 

I can see it so clearly. Joel's life before the outbreak day; his life with Sarah and his ex-wife, or his relationship with Tommy. Maybe even some flashbacks to his happy moments with Sarah. Ellie's life before Fedra; her life in the orphanage before Marlene took her to the military school or her meeting Riley and becoming friends with her (I know we got this in the comics, but I wouldn't mind seeing it on the screen). What I would love to see the most, though, is how Ellie had to deal with Riley after they both got bit. I also want to see what Ellie did after.

I'm not even going to mention just how much I want to see more of Ellie and Joel's flashbacks to before they grew apart.

This is just wishful thinking, though. I am not counting on this, but one can dream, right?

[damn-stark]

Before dawn

Takes place in-between chapter 1 of Tragedy at the Miller’s

Requested by @sunnybunnyy2 “please please please if you haven't already can you please write about the fight Joel and reader had and why he left her? And or; more about tommy, Maria and readers relationship before she left? It's my favourite the last of us fanfic and I need to know what happened. I am living for all of your stories<3”

A/N- SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG, I JUST NEEDED TO GET IN THE MINDSET FOR THIS SERIES AGAIN, AND I ALSO HAD OTHER FICS THAT NEEDED TO BE WRITTEN, I HOPE YOU LIKE IT THOUGH :)

Warning- ANGST, fluff, talks of death and suicidal thoughts, swearing, long chapter, fluff :)

Pairing- Joel Miller x daughter!reader

(If you want to be tagged let me know!)

————

How long has it been now? 18 years since the outbreak happened? Since…Sarah died? Time just blends together now since it’s been so long. What you are sure of though is that it all feels like a lifetime ago.

What you’d give to go back, to see your sister again, to be with your dad and be a family. That’s your birthday wish this year, for the big 22, to go back in time. Or at least to have five more minutes there, in that bubble that was your life before the outbreak destroyed it.

Then again…why should you wish for such a thing? You haven’t even seen your dad in…8 years?

Yeah, it’s been 8 years now since you’ve seen him, since you’ve spoken to him. You’ve heard about him through your uncle Tommy since they keep in touch over some radio. Which isn’t the same thing, you know, but that’s the best either of you have done.

Sarah would be disappointed. But it’s not like you’re at fault for it! He left! He left you. You just—

“What are you doing?” A voice breaks you from your train of thought.

“Hm?” You hum and drift your gaze to the side, spotting Maria looking at you in confusion.

You look down at the dishes you’re washing and then look at her. “Washin’ dishes?”

Maria’s eyebrows furrow slightly before she just begins to shoo you away. “Come on, move over. Today is the only day you’re excused from your chores, remember?”

Oh right, birthday pass. There’s too much running in your mind to remember.

“You okay?” She asks as you step aside to let her take over.

She knows you well, she’s known how to read you since the moment you met. It’s touching, but kinda weird too.

She’s too observant.

“Yeah,” you lie. “Yeah.” You nod.

Maria’s eyes narrow on you, they dig in you. You can feel the burning sensation, so you just avert your gaze and turn to lean back against the kitchen counter.

“Grease,” you blurt. “I want to watch Grease tonight.”

Maria keeps studying you, but she doesn’t choose to press you, she looks at the dishes and nods slowly. “Okay. And hey, I still have some of that nail polish. We can do each other's nails while we watch the movie.”

You smile at the ground and nod eagerly. “Yeah, that sounds fun. I’ll go get it and start the movie.” You push yourself away and hurry on to do what you said while you think. You try not to, you really try not to think, but it’s impossible now, it’s hard not to think about memories on your birthday.

Sarah used to paint your nails, you tried to paint hers but she always got annoyed that you painted around her nails, so instead your dad let you paint his toenails. Not his fingernails because you didn’t want his friends at work to laugh at him, you were considerate that way.

Your birthdays used to be your favorite, even after the outbreak. It was never big, especially not after, but they tried and you loved it every time. After your fourteenth birthday though, your birthdays were a reminder of what you couldn't have, of what you lost. You’ve tried, there’s been some happy birthdays since you got to Jackson, but this year has been especially hard.

There’s moments where you just wish this was your last.

“…so I told her just to get out of my face,” Maria’s story intrigues you.

You smile softly up at her. “Just like I said?” You tease.

Maria looks up from your nail and nods. “Yeah. Just like you told me.”

You giggle and sit back, you try to just bask in the joy she feels, in the joy you see on your uncle Tommy’s face.

“Sunny, come take my shoes off,” your uncle Tommy says as he puts his boots up on the coffee table.

You scrunch your nose in disgust and scoff. “As if. Do it yourself, chump.”

Your uncle chuckles. “Maria, Sunny here was the nicest girl. The times I’d go visit after work she’d coming runnin’ to greet us. She’d take our shoes off and bring me my beer.”

Maria laughs, and you snort. “Austin can bring you your beer,” you talk about your dog. “Atlas and I trained him to do it.” You smirk proudly.

Your uncle shrugs. “Yeah, well it ain’t the same.”

You roll your eyes and sit back with your right hand still in Maria’s grasp. “Well, you’re gonna have to get a maid then. ‘Cause Maria ain’t doing it either.”

“Yeah,” she laughs. “Because he takes my shoes off.”

You giggle and peer back. “Whipped.” You make the sound effect, and your uncle quickly grabs the pillow off the couch and hurls it at your head.

When it hits you though, it makes you move so Maria gets annoyed. “I just messed up. Thanks a lot.”

“Sorry,” you whisper even if you weren’t at fault.

You then proceed to drift your eyes to the tv to watch the movie that was playing, but neither of you were actually paying attention to due to the small conversations you’re holding.

Well they’re doing most of the talking, you're just listening. And unknowingly showing the emotions you’ve been trying to hide from the both of them.

“Are you okay?” Maria asks.

You blink and slowly meet her gaze. “Hm?” You probe with feigned confusion.

Maria briefly meets your gaze before grabbing your other hand to paint your other hand. “I’ve noticed you’ve been quiet, and you’ve been looking down.”

Shit. Shit.

Your uncle Tommy is waiting for an answer now too. You can feel his stare.

“I…”

It’s not like you can just burst out with everything you’ve been feeling recently—No, everything that’s been building up for the past couple of years. One, you don’t want to ruin today, and two, you hardly know what it is you’re feeling. It’s all so confusing, so unlike you. Angry? Sad? Lost?

“I’m okay,” you assure her and offer her a soft smile so she won’t poke further. “Just, you know, birthday blues over the fact I’m getting a year older. I wish I could look young forever.”

“Such a travesty,” your uncle teases.

“Blah,” you stick your tongue out.

“Hm,” Maria hums unsurely, but just leaves you be again. “Okay.”

You muster a wider smile to show it to her, to assure her even if you do wish for some sort of comfort, for someone to tell you that you’re actually fine. That nothings wrong with you. But you can’t worry them today, so you just watch the movie, and when Maria finishes painting your nails you move on to hers.

Once your nails are painted all nice and look all manicured, you finally pay attention to the movie along with your little family. Maria lays against your uncle, and you lay your head on Maria’s lap and let her caress the side of your head.

It’s a simple moment. Something that maybe you should grow out of, but you can’t help it, you like your little family; Maria, your uncle Tommy, and you. You’re content with them, you like being coddled by them even at 22. It lets you feel safe, something you failed to feel sometimes in your life due to your circumstances.

So…what is it that’s bugging you? That has you so…raveled?

Maybe going to your meadow and laying under the stars will help? Bring some ease to your aching heart?

Thus when the movie is over, after the clock strikes 12 am and brings a new day and ends your birthday, you return home. Rather than walking inside through the front door, you instead walk past the gate and head straight to your meadow in your backyard.

It’s been raining for the best couple of days, and you’ve also been busy so you haven’t had time to come and just find joy in your precious meadow you made for Sarah. Not until tonight.

Yet when you step past the porch fence, when you take a step in the meadow, there’s no flowers decorating the green pasture. Not even the winter wildflowers live, the meadow is dull…For the first time since you began to grow this meadow, it’s empty.

The stars…

You look up, but the sky is clouded, no stars gleam in the sky. The only source of light comes from the porch light. But the sky is dark and grey, dull like the once vivid meadow. And so the relief you came in search for, the joy you ached to find here is nothing but a dream, the very memory of your sister that rested on those very flowers is gone, like her.

There’s nothing here. There’s nothing here for you. Yes, you do find happiness in the little things, in your family that lives here, your friends, your plays you produce and star in, the other people that live here, this town in general, but what do you have to live for?

There’s nothing here. It’s dark, the only light is dim and it’s you, everything else is basked in darkness. You search for more source of light, something to bask the gap in your heart that was once full and complete because of your dad, but when he left, everyday, little by little that gap slowly lost its light. Now you’re alone, dimming away.

So maybe it’s time to go. You’ve been thinking about it, planning it now for a while—it will be a country wide trip. You’ve commented about it to other people and they want to go too.

Will you come back though?

It’s okay if you find your end somewhere out there.

——

*8 YEARS BACK. OUTSIDE BOSTON.*

“Oh!” You exclaim happily, and don’t fret to leave your source of light behind on debris to carefully fit through a gap left between slabs of cement debris.

“Hey! Y/N, what the hell are you doin?” Your uncle Tommy shouts after you.

“I found somethin’ inside, shine your light!” You yell back without bothering to further explain yourself, plus, it’s a closed off room with the only way in and out through the gap you just climbed through. There’s no infected so nothing to worry about.

Your dad will still be pissed though. If he finds out…

Which he will! Your uncle Tommy is a snitch!

“Did you check your surroundings at least,” your uncle has no choice but to just say now.

“Yep,” you groan.

After a few more seconds of hearing little rocks roll down the slabs of cement, after squeezing yourself through a small gap only you fit through, you finally make it out and land in the little break room that was once part of some kind of store.

“I made it,” you comment through the gap.

Finally your uncle does what you had asked and shines his flashlight through the gap, managing to blind you in that instant.

“Just hurry on up,” he counters back, annoyed. “We’re gonna be leavin’ soon.”

You hum in agreement and turn around to face the little corner that was left open.

There isn’t much to search through, but you still start at the top right cabinet.

Albeit there’s nothing. Next; open box of expired crackers, mugs, and more open bags of expired dry food. Great.

Next—haha! Jackpot! Instant coffee!

“Look!” You shout and spin around to show off your sweet find. “It’s coffee!”

“Oh? Really? Closed?” Your uncle asks.

You drop your gaze and double check that it’s still sealed. That there’s no mold or icky stuff.

“Yes! It’s safe!” You squeal, and then slide a backpack strap off your shoulder to stuff the coffee container in your pack. “My dad will love it! Maybe we still have time to boil some.” You throw out happily.

This time your uncle hesitates to answer, so you look up and question his silence. “You hear me?”

You can’t see his face because the light blocks his face, but he hesitates again before simply humming in agreement.

Weird, but you don’t question it. You just continue to search, and end up finding sealed granola bars, and some useful utensils other people glossed over. It’s too bad you can’t search the rest of the store since it’s all crumbled. There probably would’ve been some cool things.

At least you found coffee though.

Which is why you leave the little corner break room and climb back out. Once you’re near the exit your uncle Tommy helps you back up to stable ground.

“Found some granola,” you let him know and hand him one bar. “See, it was worth it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he mutters. “Come on. We’ve been gone longer than we should have already.”

Hopefully your dad won’t be upset, you woke up earlier than he did because your uncle invited you to patrol with him, which he hardly ever does, so your dad didn’t see you leave.

He tends to get mad over little things like this, but you don’t mind much, he just gets worried. Plus today you have coffee for him. It’s his favorite.

“Sunny,” your uncle interjects after staying quiet the entire way back to your camp. “Can I tell you something before we get to camp?”

You brush him off due to your excitement to get the coffee to your dad. “Tell me later, I want to give my dad what I found.” And since camp is right ahead, and your surroundings are clear, you make a run for it back to camp.

The few people that are traveling with you from the Boston Quarantine zone bid you a goodmorning, and you happily greet them back with a gleeful smile, whilst you also search for your dad amongst them.

However, he’s not amongst the crowd. Maybe he’s still resting. So you don’t lose a pep in your step and head to where you last saw him resting.

Nevertheless, when you get to where he had been sleeping, he’s not there, nor is his sleeping bag, or his stuff. Weird…

Maybe he’s just walking around.

Now you slow down and start your careful search.

“Y/N,” your uncle calls out from some paces behind you. “Let’s talk babygirl.”

Where is this man?

You reach the end of the perimeter of your camp and he’s still no where around. He wasn’t with the others, or waiting for you anywhere. So where did he go?

“Uncle Tommy,” you finally address the man as you turn to face him with growing concern. “Where’s my dad?”

Your uncle Tommy finally catches up to you, and quickly averts his gaze while he lets out a deep breath that begins to worry you.

“Uncle Tommy?” You probe and slowly feel your joy fade away and get completely overtaken by concern.

“Y/N,” he mumbles and grabs your shoulder. “Your dad…he’s not coming with us.”

What?

“What do you mean?” You giggle nervously. “He was with us this morning. He left Boston with us. Is this a prank?” You scoff. “Because it’s not funny.”

Your uncle doesn’t break into a laugh, he doesn’t smile, his frown deepens and his eyes express…sadness.

“Your dad is going to stay in Boston,” your uncle adds. “He just wanted to accompany us outside of Boston. But he’s not comin’ along anymore.”

He’s still joking. He—your dad couldn’t have just left you. His daughter. His youngest daughter. His daughter that still needs him. He didn’t leave.

“Stop,” you push your uncle away. “It’s not funny. Where is he?”

Your uncle sighs. “Sunny I’m being serious, your dad left. He’s not comin’...I’m sorry.”

But why?

Your eyes fill with tears and something tight wraps around your heart.

“Then we have to go back,” you begin to insist as you’re now in denial. “We have to go back to him. We can’t just leave him.” You turn to try and head back, but your uncle quickly manages to grab you and pulls you back.

“No, we’re not goin’ nowhere, he wants us to keep goin’. Together.”

You shake your head. “No. I can’t leave without him. Uncle Tommy, he’s my dad. We can’t,” you begin to stammer, feeling your throat begin to burn. “We have to go back. Please.” You keep trying to head back to Boston, but your uncle gets ahold of both of your shoulders and makes you face him.

“I’m sorry, but no. He left. He doesn’t want to come okay? But we’ll see him again. We’ll find a nice town, not one like this Quarantine Zone. You’ll make friends and you’ll learn to fight with the Fireflies in the meanwhile. Okay? And when—”

“Why?” You cut him off with tears streaming down your cheeks. “Why isn’t my daddy comin’?” You felt like a child again. A child exposed to danger, left in the dark. “Why did he leave me? Did I make him mad? Did I do somethin’?”

Your uncle quickly shakes his head. “No, no. Baby, no. He’s just…your dad just wants to stay. I’m sorry I can’t give a better excuse, a different reason, but he wants us to do better. He wants you to do better. Don’t you still want that?”

It’s been your dream, but…

“He doesn’t love me?” You whisper in a shaky voice.

Your uncle nods. “He loves you. I think he’s just strugglin’, it happens you know? I think everything that’s happened affected him differently, and he’s just grown scared to mess up with you. He’s afraid of losing you, I think that’s why he left. But he will never stop loving you. He just needs time, okay?”

You still don’t understand why he left you. But you also don’t really want to go back. Especially not now.

“Okay,” you mutter sadly.

Your uncle wipes away your tears and offers you an assuring smile. “It’s just you and me now, Sunny,” he says.

You feel assured by his words, by the fact that he stayed with you, but now without your dad it feels like something went off inside you.

——

*NOW. JACKSON.*

“I think I can pull it off. I’ve been reading some welding books. I mean I was in construction. How hard can welding a ring be?”

Your uncle Tommy has been going on about fixing Maria’s wedding band that didn’t fit her. You’ve been partially listening throughout your patrol, but your mind drifts to different thoughts about how you’re going to tell him you want to leave. How you’re going to explain it so he won’t get super upset.

“Is it hard?”

You blink and look over at him. His eyes were already on you though, so he catches the fact that you weren’t paying attention. “You okay?” He asks again. This is his second time today. Just like Maria, he suspects something’s wrong.

But you aren’t ready yet. “Yeah,” you lie, and drop your head to brush your fingers through your horse's hair. “I’m fine.”

Your uncle's gaze lingers on you, you feel him study you for a moment. Will he believe you?

“You know,” he interjects. “I’ve been in your life since you were a baby…”

Fuck, you should’ve known better.

“…I raised you for 8 years,” he continues. “It was just the two of us for a lot of those years, so you think I don’t know you, but I do. I know what every little expression means, I know when you’re sad, when you’re angry, especially when you’re excited and happy. I don’t want to drag it out of you, but you’re starting to worry me, Sunny. So tell me, please.”

Fuck. Fuck.

Your eyes are watering, you didn’t want to cry, but every word he said just now triggered those tears you hold back to fill your eyes.

“Well…” you start off slowly and keep your eyes averted. “I…” fuck. “I’ve decided that I’m going to leave.” You slowly drift your eyes to him and notice that he looks confused.

“Leave what?” He asks. “Your house? I thought you liked livin’ there?”

You nod slowly. “Yeah, I do. But it’s not that. I...” You pause and blink repeatedly as your courage falters. “I’m goin’ to leave Jackson.”

At the sound of your words your uncle brings his horse to a stop, so you follow suit to stay close. He then looks at you for a moment in disbelief before he chuckles dryly, and looks away at the woods that surround you. You don’t add anything, you let him wallow in what you just said and wait.

When he finally finds his emotions, his words, he faces you and shakes his head. “No,” he blurts. “You’re not leavin’ anywhere.”

“Uncle Tommy you can’t make me stay,” you argue. “I’m twenty-two. I’m an adult now, not a little girl or a teenager. I’m grown—”

“You’re not actin’ like it,” he cuts you off frustrated. “I mean it’s stupid. It’s crazy. You have a life here, you’re safe, here. There’s nothing out there but death.”

You shrug and keep holding in your tears. “Yeah, I know that…but I want to take the risk. I need to find who I am. I…don’t know who I am anymore,” you say in a shaky voice. “I’m lost. There’s an emptiness that keeps growing, that keeps pushing away the light that's over me. And I’m afraid if I stay here the darkness is going to swallow me.”

Your uncle scoffs and looks away as he shakes his head. “So what? You think you’re goin’ to find this light by what? Getting eaten by infected?” He spats. “Are you listening to yourself? We don’t live in the other life anymore, y/n, you can’t just grab a backpack and travel the world! The world is dangerous—”

“I know that!” You cut him with frustration that he’s not understanding. “I know that. Don’t you think I know that?” You sit back and exhale deeply, feeling the tears that you tried to hold back finally roll down your cheeks. “But I’m tired, I…I’m tired. I want to travel the country, prove to myself that I can make it by myself. I need to find myself, and that’s not here.” You shake your head. “I’m sorry, but you won’t change my mind. Nor will Maria.”

Your uncle holds your gaze with a hardened pointed glare, and nods along slowly in comprehension. He stays quiet and adds tension to the silence. He drops his head and draws in a deep breath before looking up at you and exhaling.

“Fine,” he deadpans. “Leave,” he spats angirly, and surprises you. “I won’t stop you. You want to die out there, be my guest…”

“Uncle Tommy,” you whimper.

“No, don’t. Your dad left and that hurt. I stayed strong for you, but I was hurt. He was my brother and he left. He chose to break us apart in this desolate world,” he says with cracks in his own voice caused by overwhelming anger. “You made my life good, lookin’ out for you kept me from losin’ myself. But I still live with this gap in my heart because I don’t know if it was Joel’s last day and I didn’t know. So if you go too I won’t let that consume me. I can’t.” He shakes his head. “You want to go? Go. I won’t chase you and I won’t worry.”

And just like that his words cut deep in your already bleeding heart. This isn’t what you wanted, you didn’t expect him to give you his back, not him. He’s the only family you have left since your dad left you. He’s everything to you and so much more, you don’t want him to forsake you.

“Uncle Tommy,” you plead.

“No,” he interjects quickly. “No. Just,” he sputters and nudges his horse's reins. “Don’t. I'm done.” And just like that he rides ahead without waiting for you. He leaves you behind with tears streaming down the curve of your cheeks. He leaves you aching.

But he doesn’t change your mind from what you plan to do. Nothings going to change your mind anymore. You just wanted his blessing, or a comfort. But you got neither.

How will Maria react? He’s probably going to tell her as soon as he gets back home, will she forsake you too?

If she does you’ll truly have nothing. Perhaps then that dimming light will snuff out completely, leaving you with nothing but a vast emptiness.

——

*LATER*

After your uncle Tommy ran out on you, you took the long way back home just to get your thoughts straight. To think of what you need to tell Maria.

She’ll be worse than your uncle perhaps.

Nevertheless, you do hope to run into your uncle to talk, to not leave things tense, but the further you walk inside your gated community, the more hope you lose about seeing him. Other people greet you when they see you, some of his friends wave at you, but you don’t see him amongst them.

You hoped to see Maria too, but she’s also not around—Then again that’s a good thing, you still need time before you talk to her.

One person you do run into though is Apollo, your best friend and housemate. He spots you first and runs at you. When he’s beside you he throws his arm around your neck and pulls you towards him.

“What’s up sunshine!”

You roll your eyes to him and shoot him a teasing look. “Sunshine? If your girlfriend hears she’ll probably beat you.”

Apollo scoffs and shrugs. “Now, now, stop all that yapping, okay? It’s not fair just because you don’t like her.”

You scoff in disgust. “Yeah. I don’t. I can read people you know. She gives me a bad feeling.”

Apollo rolls his eyes and lets you go. You quickly glance at him and see his discontent.

“I'm sorry,” you quickly correct yourself. “I'll try to stop. I'm just…looking out for you,” you explain as you nudge him. “Which is not an excuse, but…” you sigh. “We’ve known each other basically a life time now. It’s my job.”

Apollo meets your gaze and sighs but nods slowly. “I know. What has it been now? Fuck,” he laughs softly. “Seven years?”

You nod. “A lifetime.” You look away from him to look your path ahead.

“Which is why…I know somethings up with you,” Apollo mentions and gently nudges you. “What’s wrong?”

You exhale deeply and drop your gaze. “I told my uncle Tommy about my plans. He…got mad at me, he…turned his back on me,” you reveal in a shaking voice. “I mean i knew—I expected him to get upset, but this? He’s all I got.” You stop walking and sniffle.

Apollo knew about your plans, he knew about them when they were just running thoughts. He of course doesn’t approve of it, but he’s been more lenient.

“You have to just give him a moment to think,” Apollo says as he stops in front of you. “You’re all he has too you know?”

“He has Maria,” you add right away. “His wife.”

“In that case you have Maria too,” Apollo argues.

You slowly look up at him with a watery gaze and shake your head softly. “But does that matter? I view her as a maternal figure, but I’ll never be her child. I’ll never be their child. They’ll have a kid sooner or later and I’ll be forgotten while they stay a family. Which is the reason I shouldn’t be uspet about my uncle really, it’ll hurt less when he eventually leaves me behind like…” you trail off and drop your head to wipe away your tears.

“You’re crazy,” Apollo interjects. “You’re crazy to think that your uncle Tommy and Maria would do that.”

You shake your head in disapproval because your dad left you. The one person you thought would stay in your life forever left you without a second thought. Like if you were a piece of trash.

“You mean the world to them, the both of them,”

He continues. “It’s why your uncle fought against your plans, why he got upset.

Because he can’t fathom the thought of losing you, his niece, a girl he raised through this hell, his daughter.”

You meet Apollo's gaze and let out a soft cry.

“He’s not forsaking you,” Apollo continues softer. “He’s fighting for you. In his own way. You mean something to him. To her. To me. To Mia, Atlas, to everyone that sees the plays you put on with all your love for something you’re keeping alive…isn’t that enough to let you stay?”

You hold his gaze and shake your head.

Apollo nods slowly in comprehension. “Then just give him time, okay?” Apollo asks of you. “He cares.” He offers you a tiny smile, and you wipe your tears off your face and just nod. You can’t actually say anything, you’re too emotional.

“Come here,” Apollo adds and carefully wraps his arms around you.

You let out a small, relieved laugh and hug him back. “Thank you,” you whisper.

Apollo rubs your back and responds softly. “I’m here for you.”

You stay in each other's embrace for a moment longer, basking in each other's warmth and presence. When you do pull away he keeps his arm around you, and you continue your way home.

“Now come on,” he says sweetly. “We can eat lunch and watch something while you come up with what you’re gonna tell Maria. Because…I’m scared for you.”

You chuckle. “I’m scared too. She might tie me up.”

Apollo gasps. “I got your next play!” He exclaims. “Rapunzel! And hey you can actually be locked away in some tower! Talk about bringing your character to life!”

You roll your eyes in annoyance, but you can’t help but laugh.

He had a way to do that, he finds ways to make you happy when you’re upset. And it worked for a while, he made lunch and you watched a movie, eventually your friend and other housemate Mia came home too, so she joined in and you felt happy. But when the moment was done, when you were alone in your room, the happiness left.

Thoughts overwhelm your mind, different variations of thoughts. Music though…it helps and keeps things quiet.

Albeit there is one person who surfaces to mind. He exists only in your memory, just like Sarah. It’s been 8 fucking years since you’ve seen him. Since he left. And even after all of it, all the ugly side that came out of him, you still want to see him again. Maybe one more time to hug him, have him hold you and remind you of the much simpler things, of home.

You can’t return home, but one warm embrace, his scent will make it feel like you’re home again—

Nevertheless, as you’re lost in thought, suddenly the music from your headphones stops playing. “Hey,” you complain and sit up. That’s when you see Maria with the cord in her hand.

Fuck.

You pull the headphones down to your neck and scoot to the edge of your bed with your gaze averted since she looks upset. “Hey,” you greet softly.

“You missed dinner,” she breaks her silence and throws the cord on the bed.

There’s no time for small talk, you can’t sit here and just pretend she doesn’t know. “Uncle Tommy told you,” you state.

Maria exhales deeply and sits besides you on the bed before she nods. “He told me this crazy ass story that you want to leave.”

You blink repeatedly and sniffle. “He’s mad,” you state again.

“Yeah,” she scoffs. “He’s pissed…” she trails off and lets out a deep sigh before she shifts around to face you. “I wouldn't be a good guardian, protector…mother, if I didn’t try to convince you to stay.”

You slowly drag your eyes up and meet her dark brown eyes with sadness.

“It’s a stupid idea,” she continues with anger in her own voice, in her own expression. “You have a life here. A life you’re building. Things are never going to be easy, life isn’t that simple. But that’s life. Even now.”

You shake your head. “I don’t expect life to be easy,” you argue. “I don’t want to leave because life is hard. I…” you pause and drop your head. “You can’t convince me to stay Maria. I’m not a little girl anymore to be protected, I have to experience on my own if my choices are bad, he can’t decide that anymore.” You shake your head. “I want…” you come to another pause and shake your head.

“I don’t know when I’m going to die,” you continue, “it might be tomorrow, next week or years from now, but it will happen though, and I don’t just want to know these walls. I need to live for myself, not be protected all the time…I want to see the ugly and the beautiful, know it before I die.” You lift your head and meet her gaze with tears running down your cheeks.

“You didn’t let me finish,” she says softly. “I won’t fight you to stay, but you tell me, give me a great reason why I should let you leave. Why you want to leave and I’ll see you off. I’ll accept your existential crisis, I’ll worry but wish you the best.”

You look at her with confusion and probe. “You’re not mad?”

“I’m furious,” she states seriously. “But I want to listen to you. I know somethings wrong, just talk to me.”

It wasn’t your birthday anymore to avoid ruining your day for them, but you also don’t want to burden her with your trauma.

Maria notices your reluctance though and presses you. “Come on please.”

You shrug and wipe away your tears, but still can’t utter a word.

“It better not be because of him,” Maria interjects without naming your father.

You sigh and finally answer her. “I tried, you know. I was scared of everything, but I tried to fight away the fear so he could stop gettin’ mad at me. Because that’s all he was, mad all the time.”

“You were just a kid,” Maria argues.

You nod softly. “Yes, but I had to grow up to survive. So he could look at me with a proud smile and tell me I’m doin’ good,” you continue shakily. “But…no matter what I did it angered him because I could never be her. He loved her deeply, after she died a part of him died too. Maybe that’s one of the reasons he left…” you pause and fight your tears back. “…I was never enough for him. And after he left I was angry, I pretended he was dead…it was easier that way. But I’m still here, and it’s back, that feeling like I’m not worth something, like I’m a failure.”

Tears roll down your cheeks after the fight you tried to maintain didn’t last whatsoever. Maria notices right away and takes your hand in hers.

“That’s not true,” she argues against your comment.

You avert your gaze and sniffle. “But it is, I was never enough for him to stay with me. I’m not enough…I’m a failure.”

“You’re only 22 years old,” she adds. “You’re still young. You still have a lot to accomplish, so much life to live.”

You slowly meet her gaze and counter. “That doesn’t matter or take away from what I feel. That’s why I need to leave. So I can find me, by myself, and not get coddled. I can’t numb away my pain anymore or else I’ll get swallowed by the void that’s already surrounding me.”

Maria holds your gaze and nods along slowly in comprehension. Neither of you say anything for a while, you let her think. And after a while she finally responds by pulling you in an embrace.

“I hate that you feel that way,” she says as you hug her back carefully, almost out of fear she’s going to take it back and just scold you. “I can contradict you in so many ways, but your mind is set. You’re an adult…we can’t force you to stay. Just promise you’ll fight to stay alive. That you’ll come back.”

You nod. “Yes,” you assure her with a wobbly smile. “I swear I’ll fight.” You then pull back and face her. “What about my uncle Tommy?” You slide your hands to your lap and clench them to fists to dig your nails in your palm. “I don’t want to leave with him mad at me.”

Maria scoffs. “Just talk to him. I have. He’s home.���

Your uncle and you don’t argue much, not even when you were younger and your emotions were all over the place, so when you do it was like a tragedy to you, after your anger passed of course. You hate having the sun set on your anger, if you could you resolve your issues that same day. Of course sometimes it takes time, but this time, even if you aren’t leaving at this very moment, you can’t have his back turned on you.

You just hope he feels the same, hopefully he doesn’t want to have days to himself. The longest you’ve gone without talking to your uncle is probably like, two days. You won’t survive a whole week, or weeks!

However, when you do get to their house, since Maria left to let you have time alone, the atmosphere between your uncle and you is full of tension. It’s deafening. He keeps himself busy for a moment, but when he joins you in the living room the silence is awkward.

What can you tell him? You didn’t do anything wrong, and you said everything you needed to say…

Wait!

“I hope you know,” you break the silence softly. “Nothing will change my mind, but I still hope that you can accept and respect my choice. I need you to or else I won’t be at peace.” You look over at him and notice he keeps looking ahead.

Your uncle then proceeds to let out a deep breath, he drops his head and looks at his cup of alcohol solemnly.

“I promised Maria that I’d fight to come back,” you add. “To tell you the truth I was fine not coming back, but…you mean everything to me, I can’t do that to you. Or Maria. So I will fight, I will come back. I promise.”

Your uncle blinks repeatedly and slowly lifts his head and faces you. “You swear it?” He says.

You nod. “I swear,” you assure him.

Your uncle sighs but he then nods softly. You let out a relieved sigh and can’t help it, you throw your arms around him and hug him tightly.

“I love you, you know?” You tell him.

He nods and hugs you back. “I know,” he says. “I love you too. That’s why I got angry. But you didn’t deserve how it came out. I’m sorry.”

You shake your head. “It’s okay. I understand.” You hug him tighter and just relish in the comfort he brings you. You stay in each others embrace for a moment, and this time when you’re apart the silence isn’t full of fucking tension, it’s comfortable.

But after a while he breaks it slowly and in a shaky voice. “The dark days are gone…And the bright days are here,” he continues in a soft sing-song voice. “My Sunny one shines so sincere…”

Oh. Oh! It’s a song, Sunny, by Boney M. He loves to play this song when you’re around, he also loved to play it when he would come to your house before. It’s your song.

“Sunny,” you join in very softly, and with tears rolling down your cheeks and a smile on your face.

“One so true, I love you…” you both trail off and begin to laugh. You then look at one another and chuckle harder.

“I hope you find everything you’re looking for,” he says.

“Yeah,” you sigh. “I hope so too.” You then let your head fall on his shoulder, and he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arm around your shoulders and press a kiss on the top of your head.

.

.

.

.

Tagged- @slut-f0r-u @star-wars-lover @maplecohen @givemylovetoall @itzagothamcitysiren @sammy-13 @beloved-reblogger @emiriia @rues-daya @sunfairyy @littleshadow17 @mcu-starwars @bigtuffswordboy @riaqiax @dheet @queenofthekill @joliettes @d4rno @dgraysonss @rana030 @pedropascalluvr41 @ahoyyharrington @beaniebeensbaby201 @maeneedsabreak @maelartasch @adristyles @daughterofthequeen @alastorhazbin @ririvilliams @khaylin27 @hypatia93 @hummusxx @v4mpyk1tten @1donoow @your-shifting-gurl @g4ns3y @izzzzy-the-amazing @aphr0d1teh @lovelyygirl8 @ivy-taylorsversion

[cliickermiller]

Could I request a Joelxreader where the reader moves to Jackson and is super sweet and loves to bake things for everyone in town as a thank you for allowing her in and at first Joel rejects their offerings because they’re suspicious of them which makes the reader continue to try and bake things for him, finally he accepts and starts opening up to them and offering to help reader with any labor they need done which leads to them sharing a kiss and maybe starting a relationship

mean spirits and bread cakes - Joel Miller x Reader

A/n: Woohoo first request, I was a little hesitant at first because I want to make sure my requests are written like my stories, with feeling and detail and I hope I accomplished that by the end of this story so just let me know how i did :)

Whenever you were brought into Jackson you were met with guns in your face, mainly by two men but one of them was a lot more lenient with you staying there, You believed that his name was Tommy, he welcomed you after the initial questions and tests and set you up with you own little room, it wasn't big or much but he said it was temporary until another unit opened up. For now you made due, using your time mainly in the kitchen helping the others prep meals for the town and other things, once Tommy helped move you into your new home, which just needed repaired, you quickly made to work making a little farming area outside.

It had been a couple weeks since you finally got your own home, you hadn't really baked since you moved in, trying to help the others out as much as you could, while still maintaining your food source in your backyard. Over the weeks you had met somebody named Joel, who you learned was the other man holding the gun in your face. He was closed off, at least to you, you always say him talking with Tommy and laughing with a teenage girl who you assumed was his daughter. You learned later that her name was Ellie, she was sweet and always came over first thing in the morning to help you bake for the other residents of Jackson, props she didn't really help baking but she watched you and learned how to do it while keeping you company and being a taste tester for you different treats.

"Y/nnnn! What're we bakin today?" Ellie cheered walking into your kitchen smiling brightly "We are making a strawberry bread cake with freshly grown ingredients and I finally made the perfect flour substitute so now maybe your grump of a father will accept them" You proudly stated smiling at the girl, watching as she giggled loudly "Joel is-.." She stopped, what was Joel to her? A father? A father figure? or just some guy who takes care of her? "Yea..yea Joel is a tough cookie to crack" She smiled using your phrasing from the other day "Alright, now, let's get started on mixing dry ingredients, I wanna make sure all these cakes are done by the time the patrols get back" You smiled watching as she took her usual seat on the counter next to your sink to watch you bake. You house was nice, you could tell whoever built it and the other houses knew what they were doing, you never thought you'd live with water or electric again but whenever you found Jackson that was the first thing you noticed.

After almost six hours of baking you were done, you liked doing it though, it gave you time to talk with Ellie, the first child you spoke with since the fall, and considering you were a middle school teacher it pained you seeing all the kids that turned infected; plus it helped feed the community, you weren't taking out of their found resources either, you grew it all and happily contributed it throughout the town, it was the only real way you knew how to pay them back for letting you stay, there weren't many kids, you weren't physically capable of going and fighting clickers like the others, so you stuck with helping them build/setup new cabins and cook little treats for everybody. Ellie filled the time with telling you the story of how she met Joel and how she wishes he was actually her father, how she always longed to have an adult go out their way to protect her, so she didn't have to learn at such a young age. You felt bad for her, Ellie was a sweet but stubborn girl, she reminded you of your younger sister. "Well....I'm happy you've made to here, Ellie, And I'm glad through your journey you found somebody like Joel..He sounds like an amazing man" You smiled placing the small cakes into separate containers, Deep down you know Joel had to of had someone before Ellie that he cared about that much, considering this was the first group of men you found that weren't ravaging assholes and that fact he went across the country and only kept Ellie's best interest in mind really showed his true colors.

Ellie shrugged a bit shoving some containers into her bookbag ready to help you pass them out, "I guess I kinda owe it to him? He helped me get this far I probably would've died by now" She mumbled, you offered her a kind smile wrapping an arm around hers to lead her outside to start your rounds. It probably took another hour to hand them out and you and Ellie still have 4 more containers together to pass out, splitting down the main road you stopped at the house you knew would be a problem, you didn't know why you still tried giving things to Joel, he always declined and acted like you were carrying the next world ruining virus and were ready to kill all. Looking up on the porch you saw him sitting in a rocking chair with his guitar propped on his lap "Hi.." You mumbled slowly stepping up on the porch "What're you doing here, y/n?" He grumbled, you frowned "I uh..-um.." You were stuttering, after hearing Ellie's stories about him you felt nervous under his watch, flustered. "Spit it out. I gotta start lookin for Ellie soon" He huffed sitting up straighter "Oh! E-Ellie she helped out today again..I wanted to drop off a strawberry- uh- bread cake" You stuttered watching him furrow his eyebrows "Don't you know flower started this entire damn mess?" He snapped standing up "N-No! I uh, I've been finding other things, not containing wheat t-to make a substitute for the flour.." You rambled, a little worried by the tone and body language, He looked around, catching eye of Ellie talking to Tommy stealing a piece from his food container and walking towards the cabin. "I don't want it" He huffed before going back inside, leaving you on the porch alone, you huffed, not letting his mean spirit get you down to happily pranced to Ellie "I'll see you later alright, hun? You need anything you know where to find me"

You woke up the next morning to Ellie pounding on your bedroom door, what the fuck? Getting up in a rush you swung the door open looking at her "You weren't awake whenever I knocked on the door and I got worried you left in the night a-and when the door was locked I-I thought you got infected or died" She rambled before hugging you tightly, you hugged her back tired and confused, the moment that really woke you up was Joel standing in your hallway peeking through the doorway "S-Sorry..Whenever you didn't answer I got Joel..." she whispered "N-no hun that's okay, no reason to be sorry, you were worried" You said rubbing her back before pulling away wrapping the blanket you had around your body before leading them both back out to your living room. "Ellie...you gotta help Maria today..better get on that" Joel said lowly, motioning her out of the cabin before closing your door sighing. "She cares about you" He said finally, turning around to look at you, you still had horriendous bed head and you looked like you just climbed out from under a rock (In your defense it was the best sleep you've ever had)

"I care about her..She's a sweet girl..one of the only people left her age that actually care about what's left in humanity" You whispered calmly going to the kitchen to get a bottle of water "She's cared about a lot of people..most em have died..so..whenever she cares about...un-infected she cares alot" Joel said, you nodded understanding what he was saying "I've noticed..I've seen kids deal with loss and grief...most grow resentment towards others..-" Joel cut you off "-But she's different" You agreed with him picking at your covers "Tried that..damn..strawberry? what the fuck did you call it?" He asked running a hand over his facial scruff "Strawberry bread cake" You whispered trying not to crack a smile, he sat down on the edge of your coffee table sighing "it was good..real good..Was kickin myself most of the night for not trying it sooner" He chuckled embarrassed rubbing the back of his neck "Ellie made you try it didn't she?" You chuckled watching him huff "Damnit she's right you can read people like a damn book" He grumbled before readjusting his sitting position "If..If you keep bringin them little cakes and other things over..I'll be happy to take em..." He smiled softly, You smiled back at him, maybe all Joel needed was an okay from Ellie to be friendly "Mmm..I dunno..I might need compensation now" You teased playfully, Joel laughed shaking his head a bit "How bout this..whenever I'm not on patrols..any hard labor you need done..I'm there" He offered, you smiled nodding "Sounds like a pretty good deal to me" you smiled softly, he smiled looking at you "Ellie..told me about how you guys met..and how you saved her..gotta admit Joel..You are one hell of a man" You smiled softly, he coughed a bit looking down now flustered, you giggled a bit resting a hand on his knee "I'm serious..alot of other men...sadly probably wouldn't of ever left your old QZ with her..you a good man" You whispered, nudging his knee a bit with your hand.

That night would start a landfill of good nights with Joel and Ellie, leading you to one night imparticular. You were standing on Joel's porch, waiting for him to answer the door "Hellooo?" You called sighing softly, almost then the door opened and there stood Joel in a towel with wet hair, panting like he rushed to the door "S-Sorry I can come back another time" You whispered nervously, he ran a hand through his hair "N-No just got a bit worried thinking something bad happened" He said smiling at you in relief "N-No I was gonna see if you were still coming over?...That broken window is bringing in a cold chill" You whispered nervously "oh! oh yea of course, let me...get dressed, come in" He said pulling you inside of his cabin gently before disappearing into his bedroom. You wandered, peeking into his kitchen "Mr. Miller! are you getting a second helping from me after Ellie gives you one?" You called seeing the extra containers in his sink "Totally not! I'm a good man remember?" He asked as he walked out, now dressed with his hair now maintained and under control. "Mmm You can be a good man and still be taking extras" You giggled as he walked closer to you standing by the sink, You didn't realize till now how close the two of you actually were until then, you could feel his breath on your face, not that you were complaining, somehow the man still had minty smelling breath in the end of mankind. "You gonna charge me extra for it?" He asked raising an eyebrow, you looked at him tightening your lips into a pursed line before resting a hand on his shoulder "Maybe...or maybe we could work out a deal?" You teased, trying to keep an upset face, Joel gasped playfully before chuckling "Gonna charge me extra? My little girl is the one who helps pass em out" He laughed leaning closer to you "Oh! So you're taking Ellie's serving" You teased giggling louder, he placed his hands on your waist, causing both of your giggles and chuckles subdue leaving you looking at each other. Joel couldn't help it, After losing Sara's mom, he was convinced he'd never meet anybody as amazing as her, as sweet or kind and yet here you were, and you were breathtaking.

"Joel.." Your voice pulled him out of his thoughts, he cleared his throat placing a hand on your cheek before kissing you, if it were anybody else you would've pulled away, knocked the dude the hell out for kissing you, but instead you kissed him back, running your hands through his damp hair, he moved his hands back down to your waist picking you up and putting you up on the counter. "How bout..you..start usin my kitchen..give me a chance to see ya everyday" He panted looking at you "Then we don't gotta do the walkin to each others houses and knockin" He continued as you pecked his lips gently "Are you asking me to move in with you sir?" you teased smiling resting your hands on his shoulder "Maybe I am.." He whispered, both of you jumped as the door slammed and Ellie cheered loudly "FUCKING FINALLY!" She yelled jumping up and down in excitement towards her bedroom.

---

soooo how'd i do?

[low-budget-korra]

My ideas of The Last of Us Part 3

-Abby and Ellie will have to work together and forgive each other. I'm not saying they will become besties, they won't, but they will understand each other's actions by seeing how similar they actually are. And now that Abby is with Lev, Ellie may even start to see her relationship with Joel in them.

-The Fireflies will continue their quest for the cure. And will look for Ellie. They will question Abby about it but she will not reveal Ellie's location (which is Jackson) but they will find out somehow. So what if Tommy goes full villain mode and he turns out to be the one who tells them? I think this has zero chance of happening but still…

-By becoming a parent to JJ, Ellie is able to understand Joel's actions in the way she wasn't before and because of that she made peace with all that. Unless until the Fireflies show up, then she will be conflicted about it again.

-At least one major death. Either Abby or Ellie, I honestly would be surprised if they both make it to the end.

-Ellie would eventually see so much fucked up shit, like, how the fireflies are now way more ruthless and she will made the same as Joel. The humanity doesn't deserve my sacrifice and Abby would help her to escape, and maybe even dying in the process. And with that, Lev would be the one to proceed with the mission to get Ellie back to her family.

So how would this play out in gameplay ?

Abby would go with Lev to Jackson to capture Ellie. Going back to the initial idea of her infiltrate the city, and with that, may actually seeing Ellie in the distance with JJ and understanding that she's now is a parent makes Abby change her mind (she was already conflicted about it because even tho Ellie kill her friends, she also saved both her and Lev’s). She understands that capturing Ellie would make JJ go through the same as she did when losing her father. So instead of going Troy Horse on Jackson, she reveals herself and tells them to get ready because the Fireflies are going to attack.

She reveals this to Tommy and Maria, Tommy obviously doesn't believe and wants to kill her on sign but the attack begins and they have to defend themselves. This part we could play as Ellie, defending her family and being captured by the Fireflies.

Tommy would die in this attack, I think it would be poetic if he goes out saving Dina and JJ.

Abby and Lev escape in the mess and learn that the Fireflies were successful.

Maybe Dina would find her and make her eat shit about bringing them to Jackson. Dina herself is torn apart by the wish to go for Ellie but also doesn't want to leave JJ alone now that Jackson is vulnerable. So Lev says they will bring Ellie back. Dina understandably doesn't believe it and even Abby is conflicted about it but Lev convinces her that this is the right thing.

So we play as Abby coming back to the base, in a journey that would resemble Part 1.

In the Fireflies base, in another city and all. We see Ellie again. We could even go back and play with her and some Fireflies, when they were transporting her to their base. They obviously lie to her saying her family is okay and all and now confronted with the possibility of the choice that was stolen from her years ago and chooses to be the cure. So we could play with her as they escape the dangers and she sees that those Fireflies are nothing that she remembers and starts to have doubts.

The third part of the gameplay would be Abby helping Ellie to escape the Fireflies, with Abby maybe dying in the process. And Ellie finished them like Joel did, cuz even if they make the cure, humanity is already lost in violence and the cure sure wouldn't be distributed to everyone and she would have died for nothing. Ellie would choose to have a future with her family, over saving the world.

Maybe the end could be her talking to Joel, saying that she finally got it. And asking him to forgive her, for not me able to understand that sooner. I know, it's kind of cheesy but done in the right way could work

[chloeangelic]

Chloeeeeeeeeee!😱 OMG! Crescentina! I don't know if I should kiss you or punch (a friendly shoulder punch) you for writing that chapter. It was such a scrumptiously porny sequence, so damn hot and filthy with such an ending. How Joel ties her up and manhandles her is jaw-dropping in the best of ways. It made me go feral, squealing and squirming, lol! I'm so happy you're you, and you have the brain you have that comes up with such beautifully deliciously hot writing. I loved every word, not only the smutty parts (Joel feeding Ladybug felt like a pre-smutty part), but the shared intimacy made my heart burst with love for these two, plus Joel being that said gorgeous example of healthy masculinity that cries over ''Finding Nemo'', even if, from the first word, my mind kept telling me something would happen at the end. There was no way this blissful piece of heaven they found themselves living in could span the whole weekend they had planned.

I could keep gushing my love for the chapter forever if my brain could stop overthinking what the ending means for these two. I'm not asking for answers, but who is better to share my thinking than the person who's writing the story?

-I think I already made a comment on it, but is there something more about how much they like each other's smell, be it the clean one with shampoo/gel/cologne or the sweaty one? And how Joel smells her ovulation? I find it really hot, but I tend to be a bit hopeless in identifying metaphors and hidden images, and I cannot help but wonder.

-Who is at the door? A part of me wants it to be Gwen, so everything is finally out in the open. But just the idea of telling his wife he has been cheating on her has Joel hurting so much that it makes me want to wish it was someone else, like Tommy or Ellie. Despite the state of their relationship, there's still care and love (not necessarily romantic) between them, and Joel telling her he has cheated would be a harsh blow. If you add seeing him in the act doing things with an intensity, I get the vibe he has never done with Gwen, which ups it all to a whole new level. But who else would open that door when, by the feeling I got, the noise they were making left nothing to guess about what was happening in that room? Everyone else would go in the opposite direction. Unless the room is soundproofed, which I don't think it was.🤔

-Why do I feel like the plan B pill is not in their minds anymore? It might be quite complicated sometimes to get pregnant, but it can also take one time, and they have gone at it like rabbits.

Thanks for the chapter. It was mindblowing! I cannot express my need/desire/desperate beg (with no intention of being pushy) to read the next chapter.

Sorry, but not that much sorry for the ramble I'm just sending you! That’s how much you’re making me think. Love you! ♥️♥️♥️

hiii!!! im working on seeking 6 as we speak so i figured this was the perfect time to discuss ch 5 !!! first of all, thank you so much for your lovely words as always <3 i am SMILING reading through this for the third time

that punch is gonna move from my shoulder to my face really quick, believe me :S wouldn't it be absolutely psychotic if i wrote a chapter where absolutely nothing went wrong?? hahah

them liking each other's smell is honestly just my personal kink, though i think there's a strong compatibility thing around liking the smell of someone's sweat. no deeper meaning behind that - i'm also terrible with hidden meanings, so your first guess is usually right when it comes to my stuff.

you'll see who is at the door pretty quickly in the next chapter ;)

they have fully forgotten about the plan B HAHA and that is also mentioned in ch 6, which - if i get my shit together - could realistically be posted in a few days.

love YOU !! <3 <3

[justagalwhowrites]

I'm trying hard to focus on all this sweetness and fluff between Joel and Bambi, but the threat of what your mastermind has plotted for those two is behind me like a little daemon, lol!😳😅 A part of me wishes the chapters were all posted so I could rush through them, but a bigger part of me (the one sucker for angst) wants to slowly relish in your writing.

We got some Joel's POV! If his hair didn't already have white due to age and Ellie, after waking up alone, it sure would start to whiten. The part where he doesn't regret their intimacy but would if it meant Bambi would leave or stop talking to him broke me a little. He feels so much for Bambi! I love to read it! And Bambi, I love reading her thoughts. It makes it easier to connect with her and understand her. After talking about it and Bambi feeling more comfortable, I think she's just inches away from sleeping on top of Joel. Not that I think Joel would mind, lol!🤭 I'm giddy to see how their relationship grows.

And we got some Tommy! I love his bickering with Bambi and how Joel cannot keep up with them, too worried by being too flustered or trying not to die from choking by their forwardness.

I wonder if the hurt will come only from outside or if something between them will make it all worse. I really want to read the next chapter! Thanks for the update!♥️♥️♥️

OMG Hi Bestie!!

I do have some... plans for these two lollll I KNOW I'M SORRY I CAN'T JUST LET PEOPLE BE HAPPY! This is, in part, because I do love angst BUT I try to avoid angst for the sake of angst? There are some big things these characters need to resolve in order to actually be happy and be together. They're very real people to me (hopefully to you, too!) and they have histories and baggage and things they need to work through and move beyond. Ultimately, this story is about love, humanity and forgiveness and it will require some angst to tie it alllllll together.

And I know omfg poor Joel lol like bless this man! He's so sweet and patient and understanding and Bambi is trying soooo hard but sometimes trauma brain just nopes out and so does she. He's keeping it together, though! And you're right lol she was already getting really comfortable with sleeping next to Joel before they had sex. There was that stumbling block - she's got a lot of baggage, OK??? 😭 - but now that they've discussed things and she feels more of a sense of control, she's going to be on him like glue a LOT. He's a safe space for her and she doesn't have a lot of those. She's honestly kind of primed to lean on him a lot for that, for better or for worse 👀

I love putting Tommy in the role of chaos twin to Bambi lol Like pre-outbreak Tommy and Bambi would have been just ridiculously good friends, they would just play off each other so well and now that Bambi is coming back into herself after her decades of isolation and years of trauma, it's going to just grow from here. They're very sibling coded and I love writing that dynamic, it's such a special relationship.

When the hurt comes, I promise it will make sense. It may not be fun but it will make sense!

Thank you so much for reading and for writing such thoughtful notes. They are always a highlight of my day when I see them pop into my inbox! Love you!!

[eamonorus-blog]

The meaning behind Ellies final words.

The Last of us 2 portrays how it wants us to interpret Ellie's final words at the end of the first game. It wants us to believe that she believed Joel but had doubts.

But I have a bunch of issues with this. Lets go through them.

Firstly, this is all under the assumption that her NUMBER ONE priority is to save the world. That that is how she feels, and that is what she would have acted on. Since that is why she is upset with Joel, that he took that choice away from her.

However, throughout the first game that isn't how she acts. First, in tlou both her and Joel aren't at all assuming that this will end in her death, Joel assumes it will just be taking blood, or something like that. So, it's not like Ellies willingness to go along with the quest is some kind of death wish inherently.

Secondly, there are multiple times, but two in particular, at which Ellie puts herself in danger, and thereby puts the cure at risk. And both times it is to be with/save Joel.

The first time is leaving Sam and Henry, who were in a position to escape, to help Joel, who was in danger of being shot at imminently.

The second is when she ran away after realising that Joel wanted to give the job of taking her to the Fireflies to Tommy.

People forget this, but Joel is 100% right when he berates her for this and calls her stupid. Sure, he is doing it because he cares about her as a surrogate daughter, not about the cure, but still. The fact is that she put herself in danger for no reason. And not even to help Joel, just so he wouldn't leave her. Joel protests that Tommy knows the area better, and she blows this off.

Why? Surely this is true? Is she mad because she sincerely believes that Tommy would do a worse job at keeping her safe? I don't interpret the scene that way at all. The way I see it, she is blowing this off as an excuse because she knows the idea that Tommy would be better for the job isn't the real reason that Joel wants to get rid of her. It's because he is afraid of losing Sarah again. And she wants him to overcome that fear so that they can stay together, and she is willing to risk her life (the cure for all mankind) to get that.

So her whole motive her in what she has done is to make sure Joel doesnt abandon her. NOT to stay alive for the cure, and NOT because she thinks Tommy isnt capable of getting her there.

This is also tied up in the way that Ellie is always the one to push for Joel to open up throughout the whole story. She pushes him to talk about Tess, he shuts that down, she pushes him to talk about Henry and Sam, and he shuts her down. She pushes him to talk about Sarah, he shuts that down too.

SHE, NOT JOEL, is the one who continually pushes for their relationship to grow, and who makes decisions that puts her in danger to keep them together. Remember, ostensibly the whole reason for this in the first place was to get her to the Fireflies, and that is something that Joel is happy to complete while remaining emotionally detached and closed off.

When, right at the very end, Joel lies to her, why is he doing that?

I think we all know why, its because he knows she would feel guilty and want to go back if she knew the truth, she would want to make the sacrifices of all the people who got infected and had no choice but die worth it.

I don't think there is much room for interpretation that that is why Joel is doing it. I think it's safe to say that it isn't just because he is afraid that she would hate him for killing the Fireflies. It's because he is afraid that she wouldn't be able to live with knowing that she wasn't able to complete her mission when it was possible for her to do it.

Y'know, everyone goes on about Joel being retconned to be stupider in tlou2 to make his death pausible. But in a more subtle way, I think that Ellie was retconned to be stupider too.

The way she turns away from him in the car, the way that she looks down briefly before saying "ok" to me it all speaks to the fact that she KNOWS that he is lying.

She is way too smart to buy his story, why would she be in surgical clothes if what he said was true? She has instantly seen through his deflections and half truths in the past.

Remember the end of the Left Behind DLC?

Riley says that they can either end it quickly or fight for every moment they have left together. And that is what she does at the end, as I read it.

Here is how I see it. Joel is lying so that Ellie doesn't have to feel the guilt of surviving, and she sees through it. However, the choice is made now, and it can't be taken back. And she now has a choice too. To reject what he did and go back to try and die, or to accept what he did so she can continue to "endure and survive".

And survival is indeed one of the main themes of the game. What "The last of us" will continue to do in order to stay alive.

Joel lied to keep her alive, and she accepted the lie in order to stay with him. Not only does this make sense, but it's just a better story imo.

It makes her a stronger character. Compelling characters are those who make active choices, and knowing that he is lying but accepting the lie anyway is an active choice, thinking that he is telling the truth and believing him despite doubts is less active to me.

It is also more consistent, since as I said, throughout the game she jeopardises the cure, her life, in order to save Joel/continue to be with him. If the way that tlou2 interprets the scene is correct, she is stupid for not realising Joel was lying, she is going against her ACTIONS throughout the first game, not her words. (since yes, I do acknowledge that she insists she wants to see this mission through to the end after the Giraffe scene) Instead of her implicitly sharing the burden of what Joel did, by accepting an obvious lie, instead she becomes a victim of Joel's lies. It makes her a more passive character, and a less compelling one. In fact, I think that the final scene of tlou is at its most compelling if it is seen as a kind of test by Ellie right from the start, instead of a genuine attempt to discover the truth. After all, she explains about how all the people who have died from infection haunt her, and how she feels like she doesnt deserve to live, like her immunity is unearned. Why would she be talking like this if she believed Joel? She is talking as if going back and finishing the job is still an option, which according to Joels lie isn't an option, since dozens of immune people haven't gotten the Fireflies anywhere. Her challenging him like this only makes sense if she already knows what he has said isn't true. Like with so much of the excellent dialogue in tlou though, she doesn't come out and directly say this. She simply implies it and then asks him to swear he is telling the truth. The way I read this, is that she knows he isn't telling the truth, and he knows that she knows, and she knows that he knows that she knows. So, what is really being asked here, is if he is going to insist on the lie and refuse to allow her to go back and sacrifice herself. And by saying it's true, he is saying that he is insisting. And she accepts this. She wouldn't feel able to stay alive just for herself, but she can do so for him. I could go more into how I feel like the tlou2 interpretation of what that final "ok" meant doesn't work, but that's enough for now.

[wolves-etc]

thoughts on The Last Of Us episode one, largely in the order I had them:

[thoughts on: 1.2 | 1.3 | 1.4 | 1.5 | 1.6 | 1.7 | 1.8 | 1.9]

(I have some spoilers from tumblr, a vague awareness of the older gays & younger gays situations, and a friend's recommendation that I'd really like this show. I didn't realise how evocative this would be in a mid-pandemic world. the show quickly set me right.)

— all kudos and respect to mr "I have an opportunity to infodump to a crowd about disturbing fungal diseases and I am going to make the most of it." loses points for warning people about hypothetical future dangers while actively smoking at them.

— the views we get of the crowd and the host during the second half of his speech are interesting - they're so still, all rapt attention, while he's talking about humans made puppets. it's unsettling.

— and the visuals during the theme music? gross. the guy who recommended this to me is squicked out by fungus. I may have used the words "wetly unfurling" while confronting him about this.

— I'm struck by the apparent ritual of joel setting his alarm, sleeping through it or ignoring it, and having to be alerted by his daughter anyway. he's a mess. (<3)

— there's something very real and unsanitised about their home environment. sarah's presumably not the worst cook in the house, but still they're eating eggshell. there's takeaway in the fridge that tommy sniffs before having any (though I wish he didn't decide against it then put it back.)

— and joel's shirt is on inside-out. bless him.

— sarah and joel passive-aggressively siccing the neighbours on each other is bitchy and great

— the first glimpse of the unrest of the pandemic being someone visibly panicking, closing the shop, herding sarah out, telling her to go straight home? I'm trying not to do too much real-life comparing. but that's ouch.

— we have a dog!! a border collie!! mercy I love you I am giving you up for dead given the genre we're in but I very much hope to be proven wrong <3

— "three nails plus one cross equals four-given." please, please tell me people don't speak like that. lie if you must

— the mental shift from "that blurry old lady in the background needs medical attention" to "oh. oh this is a horror show, the characters just don't know that yet, oh no" was a fun one

— "and you were never gonna [get the watch fixed] for yourself" OH BOY

— it's functional depression vibes in joel and it's intense. he won't get the watch fixed for himself, and he probably wouldn't celebrate his birthday for himself either - I'd buy that the pancakes could have been more for sarah than him, but then she insists on cake, and he doesn't suggest anything he'd enjoy better. still, he seems willing to make an effort because she wants to, and that's nice.

— that moment, sitting down to watch a movie together, sarah falling asleep against him? joel's a mess, but he has a good relationship with his daughter, and that's refreshing to see. there's real love there.

— mercy is a very good dog and sarah COULD DO WITH MORE ANXIETY SLASH SURVIVAL INSTINCT, FRANKLY,

— and we get the first glimpse of joel being brutal and unhesitating when it's called for. the sense that he's already made a shift in thinking that sarah's slower to - she's scared, crying, not yet really believing that it was necessary.

— sarah in the back of the car being smart enough to put together - given what she knows - that any one of them could be infected. it's awful.

— "[they've] got a kid, joel." "so have we. keep driving." fuck

— (how must that feel for sarah? if she's the thing to be protected, it must be her fault.)

— okay the infected's too-quick movements and bird-like head tilts? very "inhuman software on human hardware." it's cool.

— this scene here, though. there's a lot here. they're saved, in the nick of time, by a soldier. the soldier receives orders that he has to double-check. joel calls him sir, says please don't, has to know what's coming. it's unfair and it's horrible and there's nothing he can do.

— and I had a lot of thoughts about that. about how the US military - quite aside from the huge wrongs it does to other countries - promises people to chance to do some good, and to be a part of a family, and betrays them on both counts. leaves its soldiers with trauma and no way to manage it. leaves them, perhaps, with chronic depression, in a job I don't even want to speculate about because neither the military nor construction work are kind to the body. it's betrayal on top of betrayal as standard. and it's cruel, very cruel, that the military betrays joel again here. (edit for reasons and for at least one "article" possibly lying to me)

— and it's a fucking needless way for sarah to die. fuck.

— okay. okay.

— we get this little reminder that the birds, the trees, the sunlight, they all keep going. no matter what goes on with humans. and I, for one, find that comforting.

— and that comfort is VERY NEEDED because holy shit it's twenty years later and joel barely even hesitates to throw a bound child's body onto the fire. (practical and brutal, when it's needed. I don't even want to wonder whether he's done it before.)

— he's still wearing his broken watch and he is very much not okay.

— tess is all steel. I'm a little scared of her as a person and I love her as a character. what the fuck are they both up to that they can handle criminal dealings like this.

— "I promised him you wouldn't hurt him, but I would very much like for you to hurt him." CLEAR AND TO THE POINT.

— no but that's a lot of fun though. clear communication, what seems like no real lies when she's negotiating with her captor, just a forthright attitude that's so easy to believe and a comfortable willingness to mislead him.

— "you don't have a fucking ear on your fucking head" would be a fun way to accuse someone of not listening

— "y'all talk it through, but please remember that I'm bleeding out." I LIKE MARLENE

— and here we see joel's fight response to trauma, which will, I hope, serve him well. that flashback was evil though.

— what the FUCK is the expression on ellie's face. is that awe. is that delight. miss, you're very fucked up, do you know that

things I expected: ellie being a murder child; joel being a traumatised badass with a soft spot for her. did NOT expect ellie to be THAT much of a murder child, or joel's soft spot to be that well-armoured. this is gonna be interesting to see.

and I didn't expect tess, who's interesting, and scary in her own right, and rugged in a way women aren't generally allowed to be in the zombie genre. this was a really pleasant surprise.

[ohraicodoll]

Thank you so much for Red. It’s crazy how much I relate to her. We don’t live in a post apocalyptic world but we all live in our own worlds and sometimes it can feel like us vs them which Red helps me to navigate. She has helped me to feel less ashamed about the way my brain has turned out.

She’s so cathartic and has shown me that even when someone is as rough and ready, or completely rejecting of anything good that comes their way because they ‘don’t deserve it’ or that they will wreck it that some people could them her regardless. If that makes sense.

I especially love the new Tommy x Red friend post that just made me feel so fucking validated again! The way that Red has unusual ways of showing her love/gratitude and the people in her life just try to understand it until they do with no questioning!? To be loved in a way that is so accommodating and significant blows my mind. I know you’re writing fiction but sometimes discovering that this very specific thing is addressed and taken care of by another human being in the world is insane and has given me a bit of hope for my future.

It’s so soothing and Cathartic to read your work . I spent some of my childhood in survival mode and it never truly leaves you. You’ve written it so realistically I am in amazement with every piece of the puzzle you post.

I wish I had an ounce of your talent so that I could explain my love and gratitude for you in a way that was comprehensible. I’m sorry, I just had to say something now though, I’ve been having a weird couple of days and your writing is one of my only forms of escapism.

I am so interested in what inspired you to create such a specifically complex female character like her. I consume a lot of media, have read and literally studied the new era of woman (still hard to give them a specific name) and no character has ever come close to Red. Your talent blows my mind.

Thank you Sam.

Oh goodness, did you make me cry ❤❤

I'm so glad you feel seen and feel a bit of representation and catharsis with her. That's just all I can hope is that you all love the characters I create and the stories as much as I do. You've all kept me motivated and inspired to write her (especially as fast as I have haha).

The idea about Red came because I kinda got tired of only finding pure smut or timid characters in the TLOU fic tag. I love both but Tess was not timid and was more the dominant in the relationship. And I fully get that Joel radiates "I'll take care of you" dom energy but at this point in the apocalypse I doubt there would be many people left that didn't have some aggression in them or that need taking care of. I love character analysis too much to do the same type of character.

I've always been drawn to rage characters. I wrote a whole book series when I was a teen centered around one. And I think I wanted to go back to that since my character in my Sandman series is the opposite. Dahlia is an exploration of trauma responses, especially around acts of anger because that's what I experience. But I started writing with action and violence and someone who is angry all the time and motivated by rage and I wanted to go back to it because writing a character that lacks the moral responses to killing is fascinating. So often we get characters that regret or are remorseful around killing and I don't think that's Joel.

So it was a combo of just writing someone who doesn't regret her violence, doesn't regret killing, and has been alone in the wild for a long time focused only on surviving that they never thought they'd get more. Someone who is accepted for their violence and rage. And that's Red. She is a bunch of fractured pieces held together with string with no coping skills and Joel and Ellie love her either way.

There's the her before the Outbreak, the her that was broken by her sister (who she sees in Ellie), there's the her that was with her group, the her after being alone for years and years, and then the her with Joel and Ellie. Joel never shies away from her and may actually be drawn to her more because of it since there's a piece of that in him. This story is about being seen and accepting your ugliness.

I think being able to jump all over her timeline and continuously build her has been so wonderful and fun. Requests and prompts have been great in building her (though I do change some to make sure they fit the world and who she is). I fully acknowledge she's not a reader but an OC but I cannot write a character who is a blank slate because your past and history dictate your personality and actions (and tbh, most Readers are actually OC's without names or descriptions. I'm old, the x Reader/You thing is new but also just a relabeling of OC's)

I don't know how other writers write, but these characters fully inhabit me when I focus on them. It's why it's hard to switch between stories and characters at time because I can only see through their eyes. I feel their natural body movements, their conversations flow in my head and usually I have to race to write them down somewhere for later. Red is very much a part of me and it's been a joy to explore her and bring her to you all.

So much love and thankfulness to you all ❤❤

[oodlyenough]

tlou ep 4

I enjoyed this ep as a bit of a breather ep? It felt very much like a "part one" to next week's "part two", but that's not a bad thing... I was thinking that to me it feels like the show is in a pattern of heavy hitter / bridge ep / heavy hitter / bridge ep, but then I realized a lot of people would probably disagree with me considering Tess' last ep a "bridge" while Bill/Frank the heavy hitter. Lol.

But I do think it was wise to give us an episode around now where we mostly spend time with Joel and Ellie and watch their relationship develop. I do find Pedro Pascal and Bella Ramsey really fun together and I enjoy watching them bounce off each other.

Other thoughts:

Reserving judgment on the Kathleen story until we see how it plays out in part 2. I am hesitant about the show giving her a seemingly legitimate reason to hate Henry, when in the game he and Sam are very much just innocent people, arguably more innocent than Joel lol. This franchise has a questionable-at-best approach to Black characters in general, so...

However Kathleen is clearly unreasonable (killing the doctor out of personal spite is a TERRIBLE leadership decision, as is ignoring the probably-Bloater in favour of her own petty personal revenge.) So we may come to find out that her version of events is twisted, and at minimum we're obviously meant to see her pursuit of revenge against Henry is absurd

Which of course makes me wonder how much Kathleen's storyline will end up setting up future seasons of the show.... it's all TBD

I saw someone say Melanie Lynskey isn't threatening enough but I disagree, I think her particular brand of unhinged leader could be very interesting and purposeful. Remains to be seen though

It's weird to hear Tommy's voice from not-Tommy. Especially when Gabriel Luna already sounds so much like Tommy! lol

Speaking of Tommy, fandom was right that Tommy is the vet. That makes more sense than Joel and suits the character (a "joiner" etc in addition to being a ludicrous sniper), so happy with that.

The pun book!!!! I was so hoping they'd include Ellie's puns. I think the only game easter egg I'm desperately awaiting now is someone to throw a brick or bottle lol. Don't fail me HBO

I'm very glad they included Joel and Tess and Tommy's raider background, even if I do think the weight of it pales in comparison a little to all the on-screen do-gooding we've seen from Joel and Tess thusfar. At least the show isn't trying to wipe it out... maybe it will be explored more in the future? tbd

I preferred his initial anger and later apology re: the gun in the game to what we got in the show. I don't mind him apologizing, I just wish he'd been unreasonable to start with, lol. I do think they're definitely making show Joel all-around more likable. Which... is a choice... on one hand, I don't like game Joel all that much, lmao, so at least I like show Joel more. On the other hand, it makes me wonder where they're taking it in the future.

Bryan the raider guy pleading for his life is more effective on TV than in the games where I don't think twice about finishing them off because, well, video game violence. And if you ignore them they start attacking again lmao. For a moment I thought we'd learn he was Melanie Lynskey's son...

Love True Faith but it felt a bit wasted in the credits of this ep, didn't feel like it connected to anything in particular.

[dissonantdreamer]

Idk if this is talked about but recently someone upload voice recordings of ellie, joel and abby. And during ellie's (its a one hour video) there were some interesting elliedina related crumbs:

• Eugene told dina to break up with jesse

• Apparently there's a tension between jesse and eugene at some point during dina/jesse relationship. I feel like Eugene is a fatherly figure and does not approve of the "on and off" thing.

• ellie has a hidden recording saying "i love you too" although it wasn't mention who she said it, it's kinda obvious its for dina based on how soft her voice is

• ellie said she wouldn't make a move on dina cause she's afraid dina might drift away from her, rejected and gross out.

• according to ellie, dina has the blinding urge to kiss her for 4 years.

• ellie is in love with dina sinxe the day they met

• when joel and ellie settled in at jackson, dina introduced herself like she's some kind of mayor 😂

Hopefully they upload dina's 🥺

thanks for sharing the nuggets of  ellie talking about dina. you’re the mvp for sifting through the toast to find the best crumbs :)

unrelated thoughts under a cut to save feeds”

i’m really glad we got a few lines of her with jj too. they were sweet, and i feel they were cut to show how ellie tried to be there, but was still so caught up with her trauma wish they let her be a little more present with jj he loved her so much.

i saw abby’s lines have been released.hope they upload everyone’s extra lines. Personally, I’m really curious about Dina(new mexico/ talia and ravens lore) and Jesse as well as Tommy and Joel (low-key want to see if there is more lore between them and the longer version tommys line about how joel would stay that was cut)

also vindication! on the father figure eugene HC

-ellie has the dorkiest laugh wish we got more of that

- “Did you know this was here, you fuckers better run!” the random way this was ordered gave me the best image of baby ellie finding the space center and then hauling ass after some woodland creatures that were gnawing on the moon buggy. also the deadpan “coming” made me giggle for i am a child

“jesse wasn’t even a part of this” fuckin’ ow. ow. ow. yeah she’s definitely internalizing the blame for his death forever.

poor ellie though, totally understand letting the idea of rejection eat away at her for so long. which can relate. beyond the fact that it was her best friend, the idea that to be open would risk losing everything, probably stemmed from the distance dina put between them when ellie dated cat. just internalized the idea that dina hated her instead of cat because that’s what made more sense to her. my brain can’t help but cling to that dialogue as a potential mirror to ellie coming back after leaving. i’ve fucked this up you’ll never want to be my friend again. since that tends to be how nd goes.

[javierpenaisapunk]

first of all, I am go happy that you even got this idea in the first place. I don't know if it's true but I've heard that the first ting we forget about someone is their voice. I'm fortunate enough to not have lost many people in my life, but it struck me that I no longer remember what my grandpa sounded like. And now I'm thinking about how Joel felt when he realized he didn't remember Sarah's voice anymore. How that must've broken him.

A phone is just such a personal thing, so I get why he didn't throw it away. He had nothing on him from his life before the outbreak except his watch, maybe a wallet with money that didn't mean shit anymore, the shirt on his back, now covered in his child's blood. I would keep my phone too. Joel is a practical man who doesn't carry deadweight, but a phone is a small thing. Easily forgotten in the bottom of his pack.

It broke me how he felt to see the message '1 new voicemail' pop up on the screen. You wrote it so well that I felt how he felt. The fear, the hope, the desperation reaching out into a past where everything was fine and he was a father and had more than just a watch to show for it.

And the message Sarah left him???? Fucking perfect. It encapsulates their family dynamics so well, like that scene at their breakfast table. Sarah and Tommy teaming up in ribbing Joel, her sense of humor, the love they all have for each other. And Joel hasn't had that in a long time. His babygirl is gone, his relationship with his baby brother is very different, he is no longer that man. Two whole decades later, he is slapped in the face with a ghost of his past???? He's stronger than I am cause I would cease to exist immediately. He's 56 and she's supposed to be 35 all these years later. He greyed and wrinkled, but she never got to grow up. But she's still the kid joking about lunch money and telling him to bring home cake.

And she says 'see ya soon'!?!?!?!? Like the rest of the message wasn't heartbreaking enough, she says SEE YA SOON!? This poor man, oh my god. He did see her after she sent that message. He went home to her. Without the cake, but he went home. But my god hearing it now, when he hasn't seen her since his last nightmare where he once again failed her???? He's gonna play that message over and over until he dies.

I love that you included how he'd share the voicemail with Reader in the future. It's so beautiful, and it shows he's healing. He's showing someone he loves the man he used to be, showing her what his life revolved around. It's a 'this was my life, I was a father, I wish you could've met the little girl who was my everything'.

I have rambled so much and I could ramble more, but I'll leave it at saying I love this fic so so much.

Voicemail

A Seams oneshot, but can be read independently of the series

{ Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist }

Rating: T

Summary: You find Joel's old Nokia at the back of a drawer.

Warnings: Angst, description of a panic attack, grief, comfort, no use of Y/N, reader has a nickname related to her job, reader has no physical description, definitely incorrect description of how mobile phones work, very lightly edited.

As always, Seams oneshots are set on a relaxed timeline. Voicemail can be considered to take place at an unspecified time after Part IV.

Word count: 1.8k

Notes: I don't know if anyone has written anything similar, but I've always wanted to write something about Joel's Nokia (the idea for Butter actually came from the phone scene in episode 1 - can't you tell? lol). This idea took me by surprise one night and didn't let me go.

Important note: I know voicemails don't work this way, but let's pretend that they are saved onto the mobile phone itself and can be accessed decades later, and that a Nokia can indeed survive the apocalypse.

After the outbreak, after Sarah, after missing his shot - he doesn’t remember much of those early, blurry days. Tommy barely managed to drag his catatonic ass to an abandoned house somewhere on the outskirts of town, where he had to punch him in the face to snap him out of it. 

It being a cocktail of shock, grief, pain and numbness that should’ve killed him, could’ve killed any man. And for the longest time he wished that it did.

It was in the aftershock of that punch, left cheek snapped to his shoulder and his eyes downcast, that Joel saw his Nokia was still clipped to his belt, by some miracle unscathed when everything else had fallen apart.

And he keeps it all these years.

He hadn’t meant to take it with him when he packed up his meagre life to leave Boston behind. But the grubby afternoon light glanced off the screen when he was grabbing maps and hammers from under the dusty floorboards, and with a fuck it, he shrugged and shoved it into the bottom of his backpack. 

If he was being honest with himself, it didn’t feel right leaving it behind.

And so the phone made it to Jackson, and survived the detour to Salt Lake City, largely forgotten. Joel was almost surprised by the sight of it when he finally unpacked his bag in the house that was now his and Ellie’s. 

With a wry smile, he tossed it into a nondescript drawer in the garage, never to see the light of day again.

Until one weekend, Joel asks you to help him find some obscure screwdriver in his garage, not able to get up from where he’s on his back, stemming the flow of the perpetually leaky sink in Ellie’s bathroom.

The space is cool, the shutters down and the air dank from the lack of sun. Under the flickering fluorescent light, you go through a frankly ridiculous number of toolboxes without sighting the elusive screwdriver. With a sigh, you try the middle drawer in the workbench, which is clogged with what looks like everything under the sun. 

Your lips twitch - Joel Miller is a messy man.

Digging around the random clutter, you startle when your fingers brush the long-forgotten, yet instantly familiar plastic case of the Nokia.

Wrapping your hand around the rectangular frame, you smile, in disbelief that you’re holding a mobile phone. You had a similar one that got lost in the confusion of the first days of the outbreak, and you haven’t seen one in the years since. At least not one in such good condition.

Joel’s faraway voice jolts you out of your thoughts. ‘Found it, sweetheart?’

‘Just a second!’ you call back.

Tucking the phone back where it came from, you grab the nearest screwdriver and hope for the best. 

It takes you a few days of asking around town, poking around dusty storerooms and untangling twenty year-old electric cords, but you eventually find what you’re looking for, and there’s a spring in your step as you cook dinner that evening. 

Joel seems to pick up on your energy, and he grins, amused, when he brings in the empty dishes after you eat.

‘You’re buzzin’ out of your skin, sweetheart,’ he teases, grabbing you by the waist. ‘What’s up with you?’

You cock your head to the side. ‘Well, I have a surprise for you.’

‘Is that so?’ he hums, then lets his voice drop an octave in playful insinuation. ‘What kind of surprise, hmm?’

‘Not that kind of surprise,’ you huff with a smile. ‘It’s - it’s hard to explain.’

‘Try me.’

Twisting out of his grip, you open a cabinet and pull out something that fits neatly in your palm. Joel frowns, confused by what looks like - a charger.

When you speak, it’s slow, as if you don’t want to startle him. ‘There’s a whole warehouse of wires and things down by the canteen. A patrol stumbled across an electronics shop in a nearby town a few years ago.’

He gives you a crooked smile. ‘And what am I s’pposed to do with it, sweetheart?’

You take a moment, making sure that his eyes are on you before the words come out. ‘I found the Nokia in your garage the other day, when I was looking for the screwdriver.’

You watch as Joel processes your words, and he goes still, stiller than you’ve ever seen him. 

Then he blinks and shuffles his feet, glancing down at the charger. ‘I - I didn’t expect this.’

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. ‘I know. And you don’t have to do anything with it, really, but I just wanted you to have it.’

He nods, slowly. ‘Ok.’

Hesitating, you stutter, ‘So, um, do you - want to take it -?’

Joel holds his hand out, calloused palm quietly upturned. You half expect him to jump at the contact, but he doesn’t move a muscle when the black wire lands in his grasp, and his thick fingers curl around them.

‘I got the dishes, if you want to go first,’ you prompt softly.

Joel swallows, then nods. ‘Yeah, I think I’ll do that. If y’ don’t mind, sweetheart.’

‘Of course,’ you smile, pressing a kiss to his lips.

It’s cold outside, but he doesn’t feel it, not when the charger seems to be burning a hole in his hand. When he gets back to his house - empty, Ellie is at Lucy’s for dinner - he heads straight to the garage, and tugs open the drawer.

The Nokia stares back at him, screen blank.

Flinging the charger into the drawer without seeing where it lands, he shoves the drawer close with a snap.

Weeks pass. It hangs in the back of his mind like a spector, even though you don’t bring it up again, and he doesn’t either. 

He’s not sure if he’s afraid of it, or dreading it, or worst of all - hopeful of what he would find on it.

It’s been twenty years. Electronics don’t last that long. It’s gotta be wiped clean.

One Wednesday night, Ellie is upstairs, music blaring, doing ‘homework’ or whatever she does on a weeknight (he doesn’t believe in helicopter parenting), and Joel finds his thoughts drifting to that damn drawer.

Feeling reckless, he reaches for the top shelf in the kitchen, pours himself two fingers of whiskey, and charges into the garage.

Hopping onto a workstool, he takes a big gulp of liquid courage and sets the tumbler on the work surface. Before his resolve slips completely out of touch, he yanks on the handle, and he winces when the drawer yawns open with a screech.

The Nokia feels foreign to the touch, like he’s forgotten how to hold a phone. It was, of course, glued to his ear almost all hours of the day and night once upon a time. He turns the plastic case over and the other way around again, smoothing the pad of his thumb over the buttons.

There’s no putting it off forever.

In goes the plug into the electric socket, and he looks down, phone in the left hand, the end of the charger in the other.

He thinks he’s seeing double until he realises that his hands are fucking shaking.

In one determined motion, he slots the charger into the bottom of the phone and drops it like it’s acid.

Then he downs the rest of his whiskey.

He’s not sure how long he stares, the very air around him as unmoving as himself, and he feels the alcohol spread its warm fingers through his veins. 

Just when he’s about to look away, it happens.

The battery sign appears on the screen.

Joel almost chokes on a chuckle. He can’t fucking believe it. You really can’t kill a Nokia if you tried.

It doesn’t take long for the familiar home screen to pop up, the time on the top right corner, the battery in the bottom right. The bright green glare casts a cool glow in the dim. Joel picks up the phone, only to be nearly knocked backwards off the chair when the words flash across the screen.

1 NEW VOICEMAIL.

He’s sure his heart has stopped, it definitely feels like it, a deadweight in his chest sinking into his stomach. But he hears it, the relentless beat of it, pounding violently in his ears. Too fast. Gripping the edge of the work surface, he tries to breathe, mouth open, but air isn’t getting in.

It could be nothing. Could be a voicemail he missed from a client that night, or a junk call.

He’s not sure if he’s afraid of it, or dreading it, or worst of all -

He’s trembling so badly that he needs both hands to hold the phone steady, just so that his thumb presses the selection key.

He doesn’t hear the pre-recorded message, his brain skips it entirely. Then there’s five seconds of silence, and his life flashes before his eyes at the familiar beep -

Dad, are you on your way home? Please tell me you remembered the cake. Uncle Tommy bet me ten dollars that you won’t and I kinda need that lunch money tomorrow. See you soon, love you dad -

And everything goes white.

When Joel comes around, he’s on his knees, the empty tumbler in crystalline pieces around him. The phone is no longer attached to the charger, clutched so tightly in his hands that he feels the imprint of every button in his palm.

He won’t know that his face is wet with tears until you thumb the streaks off his cheeks on your doorstep minutes later, no memory of how he got there. You draw him into you, but your embrace barely contains his broad frame.

You can’t get him far in his state, whiskey on his breath and shivering all over. You drag him across the living room and onto the couch, where you curl up against him, warming him up with your body heat, cradling his head on your chest. The candlelight bounces off the phone screen, which glows green in his grasp.

It will take him weeks to get his head around what you have given him. And when he does, he will ask if you want to hear Sarah’s voice - shyly - as if you would ever say no. 

Watching him watch you, Sarah’s warm, fun-loving voice in your ear, the seams of your lashes sting with tears as your heart clenches, swells, breaks for him - and then put together again by his hand finding you, fingers filling the gaps between yours.

But for now, he lies prostrate, his weight pinning you to the couch, as you comb soothing fingers through his hair, anchoring him to you.

‘I got you, Joel,’ you whisper in his ear, and his eyelids droop and his breathing evens out, as if he’s run a thousand miles. ‘I got you.’

As he drifts off to sleep - his baby girl's love you dad echoing between his ears - he knows that you do.

More notes: I don't lean too hard into angst in my fics as a rule, so this took me places I haven't been for a while, but it's ok cos Pin's got our man 🥺 Thank you for reading, as always! ❤️

[taebaelee]

At first, the story didn’t sit right with me because I originally thought this story was trying to say that Ellie and Abby were two sides of the same coin.

The reason it felt disjointed was because I thought it was glaringly obvious that Ellie and Abby were nothing alike. They have completely different reactions and reasons for their revenge; which I explain more about under the cut.

It wasn’t until I realized Ellie and Abby’s arc are not the same. Abby’s and Joel’s are.

This is my personal, somewhat in-depth take on the story and characters motives. Whether you agree or not is entirely up to you.

To start off, I don’t dislike Abby for killing Joel. I get why she wanted revenge, and I understand why she felt Joel deserved to die. How she went it about it is why her and Ellie are very different.

When we’re first introduced to Abby, she is being saved by Joel and Tommy who then in turn offer her and her people a chance to come to town, rest up, and get supplies despite them not knowing these people and who they are. Then out of nowhere Abby shoots Joel’s leg off so he cannot fight back and makes someone tie it to keep him alive so she can brutally beat him to death with club while his brother watches and his daughter begs her to stop.

That’s jarring in itself, whether Joel deserved to die or not.

However, when Ellie does beat Nora as well, she does it to get information and after being taunted by Nora calling Joel a little bitch. Is it right? No, but Ellie also doesn’t take pleasure in it despite what Nora said to her. Instead, she is visibly shaken with the events with shaking hands before going inside and with her crying over what she had done.

When Abby goes to kill Dina she seems to find it satisfying to find out shes pregnant, saying ‘good’ and is ready to slit her throat before Lev stops her.

Versus when Ellie confronts Owen and Mel she tells them they can survive this as long as they give up Abby’s location. However, Owen attacks her and she defends herself killing both of them in the process. And when she finds out that Mel is pregnant, she starts to hyperventilate; her hearing fades and she falls to her knees.

That’s when I started to think about why Ellie did what she did in the first place despite her not seeming to enjoy any of it and I believe it was because she feels obligated to avenge Joel as he’d do it for her.

Her last conversation with Joel is him opening up about how far he is willing to go to save her and how he doesn’t regret killing the fireflies.

I believe this causes Ellie to feels as though she has to do whatever it takes the same way he’d do for her in order to not only avenge him but to understand him. I think another reason she goes after them all is because a part of her feels upset over the way things were left between them as they never got a chance to fully heal their relationship before she watched someone brutally murder him.

But Abby’s revenge feels like it’s just pure hatred. She didn’t watch her father be brutally beaten to death, not know the reason why, or leave their relationship on a rocky level.

This is why I found it very hard to sympathize with Abby, despite seeing her side of the story; because both girls have had traumatic events happen to them. They both have done bad things in order to survive, but seeing how much pleasure Abby takes in it, versus Ellie is why I couldn’t grasp how they were saying they were the same.

Especially as Abby had more insight to why Joel killed her dad, versus Ellie thinking it’s only because she could have been the cure.

That’s when I started to connect Abby with Joel.

Abby goes beyond doing what she needs to survive, actively killing innocent trespassers and being a apart of a group that captures and tortures people without a care. While we don’t know all of Joel’s past, we do know he has been on both sides, he says so himself in the first game.

Joel didn’t show any remorse for torturing David’s hunters to find Ellie and he kills the fireflies who are more or less innocent as they don’t attack him first and says he would do it all again.

Joel has gone beyond what one needs to in order to survive and may have continued to do so if it weren’t for Ellie changing him, which is exactly what happens to Abby. While yes, I do find it a bit rushed as she only knows Yara and Lev for a short time, I still understand the intention of the story.

It made me realize that I shouldn’t judge Abby as much as I did originally. I still must admit, I don’t care for her character as much as I do with Joel. I still feel as though she takes too much pleasure in the act of killing than Joel ever did; but it helped me understand the double standard as they both would willingly do ANYTHING for the people they love.

And I think this ties into why Ellie let’s her go in the end.

A flash of that night Ellie has the conversation with Joel comes to into her head. He admits that he would do anything for her because he loves her; and I believe that’s when she realizes that’s exactly what Abby was doing too.

Not only did Abby want revenge for her people but also for the fact Joel took away any chance the fireflies had at making a cure, something even a part of Ellie herself hated Joel for.

I believe Ellie had to finally forgive not only Joel for what he did, but herself for the way she left things with him in order for her to realize that she is not like either him or Abby.

She comes to the revelation that she is losing herself in all of this revenge for Joel because of her guilt and feelings of obligation to him. It’s when she decides she has to let the past go in order to move on. In doing so it allows her to spare Abby’s life because it’s not really who Ellie is.

As far as the very ending goes, I won’t lie, I wish we got a little more closure with Ellie. I would have enjoyed a scene with her saying goodbye at his grave one more time; maybe even with her telling him why she had to let go.

At the end of the day, I am at least grateful she’s alive and finally moving on from Joel’s death and closing that dark chapter in her life.

[justagalwhowrites]

just to offer a different opinion to the other anon who thought doc was gaslighting joel about the whole tommy situation…. we have to remember that they weren’t just regular broken up exes like they were when joel broke up w her pre-outbreak. he straight up hated her (or at least acted like he did) and told her multiple times that he wished he never met her and never wanted to see her again. in my mind, that behavior dissolves any and all claim you have over someone, even to those who would normally be off-limits (i.e. family members). doc was absolutely in the right in that conversation imo. honestly, joel should be on his knees thanking doc for even looking in his general direction atp after the way he treated her all those years.

i get it that dating the family members of exes is weird (and if doc and tommy got together in an AU where the outbreak didn’t happen and sarah didn’t die, i would be more on joel’s side) but in this universe, with the way joel treated her, honestly he has zero right to be mad at her for anything (though i get why he was, bc the real emotion behind his outburst was probably just jealousy and anger at himself for not getting his shit together sooner). that’s my take on it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hi Bestie!

Another view on the Doc/Joel convo about Tommy!

This is a little more in line with how I approached the Doc/Tommy relationship from a writing perspective (which doesn't necessarily mean it's the right interpretation! However it came off to you is right for you!)

Another part of this, Doc is so fucking wrecked by EVERYTHING with the outbreak and Joel and really only has Andrew to rely on for support and Andrew had Jess. Doc didn't want to pull him away from the life he was making for himself by bogging him down in her shit. She was lonely and just a very broken person - she couldn't even come around to the idea of trying to date someone after Joel she was so devastated by him and she internalized all of it because she had no outlet. Tommy knew all of these really devastating things so she wouldn't need to explain it, was kind to her, wanted her and was so willing to go along with whatever she needed that he felt supremely safe.

Even if Joel was THAT cruel to her in a breakup in a no-outbreak scenario, she wouldn't have dated Tommy because she wouldn't have been so fragile. She would have had support (Cass, Louisa), she wouldn't have survived everything she had to get to that point so she wouldn't have the same trauma. Tommy would have been totally off the table, even if he put the moves on her. It'd have taken her a while but she'd have found a Derek or a Brad on her own within a few months and kinda-sorta moved on. At least to the extent of having a somewhat fulfilling relationship with him if not being head over heels in love with him. The Tommy/Doc situation was one that came about only because everyone was so fucked up from trauma and Joel's reaction to it was to lash out to force distance between him and the person he loved most and Doc's was to self destruct.

All that being said, I don't blame Joel for being pissed about it. Especially since he directs his anger at Tommy and not Doc. I think he understands how much he hurt Doc (not that he wants to think about that, he'd much rather dodge that thought as much as possible) but he's like "WTF Tommy I didn't do anything to you fuck you."

ANYWAY! That's part of my thesis on the Joel/Doc/Tommy situation lmfao I could talk about this all day because there were LAYERS to me planning out that relationship lol LAYERS Y'ALL

[thewalkingdead-imagines]

My Take on TLOU 2

Warning: Major spoilers for tlou part 1 and 2 below!

Before I start: None of my criticism is meant as hate against anyone who loved the game. This is just my personal opinion, if you liked it or feel differently than me, that’s completely fine, to each their own!  Also, this is solely about the plot, not the gameplay, the scenery, the graphics etc. because those were unarguably breathtaking and incredibly well done. Either way, here we go:

• Starting off with the elephant in the room: I absolutely hated that they killed Joel. I hated this so so much. 

1. The fact that they killed him at all Killing off a main Character is rarely the right call and it most definitely wasn't the right one for tlou in my opinion. Joel and Ellie’s father-daughter relationship and its growth was what made the first game so special and by killing Joel, they killed a whole lot of the game’s essence already. Plus, and this is a personal thing, I (and I am 100% sure lots of others) loved Joel as character, which makes killing him off even worse. ...which lets me come to my second point

2. How they killed him First, the fact that they did it so very early on in the game. I spoiled myself on accident and knew he was going to die way before I even started the initial game but I can say that I was entirely shocked that it happened at the start. I thought it might be done towards the middle, which would have at least given us some time with him and a possibility to say “goodbye” in a way but instead you get very few moments with him at the start and then his death. That’s it. That alone is a punch in the face for anyone who loved this character and the first game. Then, they make him save Abby only for her to lead them into an ambush. I was also very confused that they made Joel follow her without questioning it, sure this one is debatable, but after years and years of being a hardened survivor, do you really think he would just trust a random stranger? He grew softer, sure, and he also grew to trust people more, but not enough to just follow a random stranger who said they had a whole ass group without questioning it at least for a moment. He didn’t even seem to be just slightly wary and to be honest, that just seemed unnatural to me.  The brutality of his death is another punch in the face. Abby tortured him, for god knows how long. She first shot his kneecap off and then tortured him until he laid paralyzed on the ground, blood overflown and barely conscious. They did that to a character the whole first game lead you to love. Then they make Ellie come in to watch Abby give him the rest with a fucking golf curb while she pleads for his life. Sorry but what the fuck? We’ve seen Joel survive so fucking much, he’s survived being impaled by an iron rod for fuck’s sake and took out whatever people threw at him and he dies like that? Without even giving him the possibility to fight back? There’s so much going on in my head when I think about that moment that I honestly can’t even put all of this into words.

• I get that this all was done to set up the remaining plot and honestly, that was the next problem in my eyes. This whole story revolved around a revenge plot and how much you have to stop this circle of revenge. To me, that’s more of a predicable and overused plot but that might be a personal thing. My problem is even more that they made the whole story about this and that it felt like a severely forced teaching moment / moral of the story type of thing that lasted for 25(?) hours. I’m not against teaching moments per se, that’s not the thing, and I wanna be clear about that but I hate it when its a. forced b. way too obvious and feels unnatural, and to me that was the case in the second part.

• Now about 1/3 through the game, I didn’t want to completely give up on it yet. I thought/hoped there might be a chance for me to even somehow like it in the end. So I wanted to  stay open and for a little I could still see that there was a bit of the essence of the first game left. I loved the cut scenes of Joel and Ellie so so much. I can’t emphasize how much I adore them. They did a great job with them, really. The scenes at the museum are pure perfection and they honestly made me despise the fact that they decided to kill him even more. I will never get over Ellie putting the hats on the dinosaurs and Joel, and I will surely not get over his gift to her. This guy went out and searched his ass off to find her a cassette with the first moon-landing, just to be sure that he has the perfect gift for her. This is beyond adorable. I’ve rewatched these scenes so often already and they honestly get me emotional each time. These scenes felt like the first game again, they gave you that cozy, warm feeling when you got to watch their relationship grow. I also loved the guitar shop (or their way towards it) cut scene, it kind of conveyed what I would’ve wished for for the entire game. A good bunch of action and horror when they have to make their way through but it still has the essence of their relationship and their story when they discuss the teenager’s deaths.

• In short, I really really wanted to see more of these cut scenes and kept on hoping for more until they switched everything up and a cut scene for Abby started. 

• I already expected them to try and make Abby look better or made the thing she did to Joel kind of “understandable”, especially because I’ve seen that there were people who really started to love her character. So I kind of expected something big to happen. To me, it didn’t. So her father was the surgeon that Joel killed. Sure she hated Joel (fair enough, he killed her parent) but is that enough for me to understand, excuse etc. what she did in Jackson? Fuck no and that has several reasons. → Joel didn’t kill (nor fucking tortured!!) her father because of something small, like a few supplies etc. he killed him because he literally was about to kill his adopted daughter for a vaccine that might have not even worked out. He killed him to protect someone. Also:  → Her father moreover visibly seemed to doubt that he would do this procedure if Abby was the immune girl, which is pretty much hypocritical bullshit. → Abby’s father didn’t give a shit about Ellie too, he could have let her wake up and make a conscious decision whether she wanted to do this, he didn’t. He just approved of killing her → He threatened Joel with a surgical knife  → He would have stayed alive if he would have let Joel just go with Ellie / refrained from killing her  So this honestly didn’t make me feel for her, this only made my rage for her grow. She had to know that Joel killed her father (and prevented the vaccine) because he didn’t want this little girl to die for something that might have not even worked. Then, he saves her ass from a sure death and she still decides to torture him to death? There was not one moment of doubt in Abby, not one and what makes it worse is that she doesn’t show any remorse about what she did at any time during the game

• I really hoped that they would stop after this but they really made you play all 3 days as Abby, the same time as Ellie. They really force you to play as character who has killed and brought so much pain over the characters you grew to love (probably as an attempt to force you to like her after seeing her side). So instead of using these hours to give you time to play with these beloved characters, they give it to her. Sorry but that’s bullshit. 

• Besides this, it also absolutely threw off the pace of the plot. You just wanted to know what happens to Ellie now that Abby on top of it all also killed Jesse (!!!) and instead you get thrown back to square one. • I’m not interested in her weird love triangle with Owen and Mel, I don’t care how she got from Salt lake city to Seattle and I don’t care about her work out program. All these plots just frustrated me more tbh.

• Now, I wanna add that I tried to ask myself if I would’ve liked her if she hadn’t killed Joel and honestly, I’m 100% sure I wouldn’t. I just really don’t like her personality. All this time she just seemed bitter and boring, moreover she repeatedly said that she helped those others for herself and to top it off, she also fucked a guy with a pregnant girlfriend (fuck Owen too btw). So again, how do you expect me to like her?

• I did like Lev and Yara. Honestly, if naughtydog wanted to do something so very new, they could’ve just made a whole story about Lev’s struggles within this post apocalyptic community. That would have at least been interesting and wouldn’t have fucked your favorite characters over, just saying.

• Now flash-forward to the scene back at the theater. Abby’s just killed Jesse, she’s got Tommy hurt on the floor and then you’re forced to play as her and hurt Ellie? Fuck that  (Also, the way they had Ellie walk around in that scene? C’mon that’s not how she’d walk around a room while she’s searching for her enemy)

• This thing kind of leads to one thing that wraps up a lot of the end well, Ellie was panicked and broke down when she realized that Mel was pregnant, Abby said “good” when Ellie plead for Dina’s life and said that she was pregnant. I’m not saying that there’s a general difference between Ellie killing people and Abby killing people, it’s obviously shit either way but there’s a clear difference in how they handle it. Ellie is clearly distraught while Abby stays cold, and after everything (also everything else I’ve mentioned) they still wanna make you sympathize with Abby and be angry with Ellie for doing all this. A lot of the game is set up to this (at least that’s what i felt like). Just one example: Abby plays fetch with dog, Ellie is forced to kill dog (also, weird how you’re just forced to kill dogs when you play as Ellie and not Abby, huh?)

• While naughtydog tried to make YOU (as well as Ellie, honestly) see all the different points of views they make Abby entirely ignorant to it, without any remorse and still try to make you have sympathy for her. She does not try to be insightful regarding what she’s done to Joel and see Ellie/Joel’s side just once. She actually mentions that Joel deserved much worse and suggests she did everything right in Jackson. This ignorance and complete lack of remorse...I think this is one of by biggest problems with this plot. Also, that very last attempt to make you feel for Abby when she’s lost her bulk and stand at those pillars? Really? Kinda cheap 

• Again, I get where they wanted to go with the story. I get that they wanted to show that you lose everything when you just seek for revenge and that the circle needs to be broken, but it was so one-sided in the end. Both, Abby and Ellie lost a lot, but Ellie loses absolutely everyone and Abby still has Lev. Ellie loses even two fingers, which doesn’t even allow her to play guitar, which is another fucking punch in the face. It was more about letting Ellie face the consequences instead of Abby and to me, that’s just the wrong call to make after the entire first game lead you to love her and Joel. So, it felt dissatisfying to let Abby go in the end. I get why they did that but it felt like this whole journey was for absolutely nothing. Especially after they ripped her from a life with Dina and JJ to go back to hunting Abby down. She lost everything and didn’t even get to end it. 

• Generally, what this game did...I don’t think that this is something you do with beloved characters. You just don’t do them completely dirty and they did so with Ellie and Joel. People loved this game majorly because of Joel and Ellie’s story and relationship and were excited to see more of it in the next part and they screwed those people, their viewers and players, completely over. You don’t have to be a complete viewer pleaser, don’t get me wrong, but you also don’t need to completely shit all over them. After all, these are the people who buy and support your game, it’s just not fair to them.

• This might be a personal thing but I’ve seen so many creators ruin good stories just because they wanted to do something super creative, edgy and entirely new with it. 99% of the time that goes horribly wrong. Don’t get me wrong, you have to do new things to keep it fresh but at the same time you cannot lose what made a story special in the first place. You have to make sure to keep the essence of the story alive and at the same time do something new with it. Unfortunately, i feel like the creators of this game didn’t even want to keep this essence alive, they just wanted to do something entirely new and they belong to the 99% who managed to ruin it.

• You know what I would have loved as plot for the second game? If they would have let Ellie explore that her life can mean something and matter even without a vaccine. The first game even perfectly set the second one up for this. Resolving Joel and Ellie’s conflict + making Ellie realize that she’s more than just her immunity + a new adventure...that would have perfectly continued the story. It would have kept the essence of the game going and mixed it with something new. Now, they pretty much ignored how Ellie felt about this part (except for two cut scenes and a tiny bit here and there) which was pretty much her main issue since she got bit. The last cut scene with Joel and her outside...it just made we wish so much that they got the chance to properly talk everything out. And by now, I kinda just pretend that everything after this night didn’t happen.

• So honestly, I’m just very disappointed and upset. It felt like they were mostly just trying to prove that they had the balls to pull a plot like this off, to show that they had the balls to kill a beloved main character and have you play with their killer.  Sure, that might be ballsy and bold, but to me, that’s not what good story telling is about. Good story telling is not a game of “my dick is bigger than yours”. But maybe that’s just my opinion.

And there’s one more thing: Happy endings aren’t always bad, lazy and unrealistic And depressing endings aren’t automatically creative, deep and good I feel like that’s something a lot of creators don’t realize