#I wish i had the authority/will and also lack of compassion to complain but i dont

[mrfoox]

Me: (:

Someone: uh, neither Oliver or Magnus will come by tomorrow...

Me: :(

[jiminrings]

would you (III)

pairing: jimin x y/n

wordcount: 6k

And when you look at him with the same hint of bleariness in your eyes, and his shoulder feels the brunt of your tentative squeeze and sees the lightest of smiles on your lips —

Jimin knows everything that he needs to know.

or the one in which love isn’t one-sided anymore, jimin realizes his feelings, and yearning for you is what keeps him awake.

would you by pink sweats

part one | part two | part three

Both oddly yet unsurprisingly, Jungkook’s become a constant in your life.

For starters, both of you were lonely and needed someone, even if it’s by the sidelines. The equivalent of white noise and an extra pillow to put by your side so you’d feel surrounded.

Funnily enough, Jungkook’s as good as a mainstay in your life as you are with him, providing company and warmth with no question. It’s as if he’s always been your friend and you never met each other in such desperate measures.

Given that, sure, maybe you and Jungkook don’t fuck each other as often and it’s only occasional now at this point, but the conversation stays and lasts. It’s the routine of him pounding into you as he talks shit about the pressure he feels fron rival companies that aren’t even worth his time, and you talking about how thankful you are that he’s accepted you into his company and that you can’t be any more pumped to start.

That’s his cue to (very nicely) threaten you to shutting up if you still want to cum, and him talking in between broken grunts that you’ve earned the job both for your credentials and skills and of course the potential — not some dumb luck of having him as the CEO of the very company you’re chasing after, being friends with benefits with to the title of best friend.

To put it simply, Jungkook’s your platonic boyfriend of some sort. The both of you are dead sure that you don’t like each other in that way, and that soon enough, the two of you swear to flush out the libido so you’d stop hooking up.

It doesn’t necessarily mean that he’d stop cracking “that’s what you said” jokes and you teasing him about his whining.

The two of you are so compatible that it makes you forget about your dynamics with Jimin and how you’re even more compatible with him. His name’s only thrown around carelessly for good measure and not for drunk half-sobs from yourself.

It’s why Jungkook’s forcibly sat down on your floor as he eats his chicken wings, banned from the couch because you swear on his life that he’d regret his whole existence once he stains it. He has absolutely no choice but to pout and sit on your rug you haven’t vacuumed in awhile when he could easily buy you a new and better one if he does stain it.

You’re too engrossed over a movie because you don’t want to listen to Jungkook and his surprisingly strong moral compass, him already knowing that you’re deflecting this altogether so you could attempt to avoid the inevitable.

“Ignoring Jimin doesn’t mean you’ve moved on from him — do you know that?”

More than he’d likely admit, maybe Jungkook does have a taste for the emotions and the dramatics. He’s always been more in tune with it, but it had no place in the real world. Instead he gets his fill and spends almost all of it with the people he’s comfortable with — his family and a select amount of friends.

You’re the closest thing in real life he could ever relate to a reality show (although you always deny that your life is as eventful as it is), and Seokjin’s running to replace you in your spot because he always seem to get him even though they bicker the most, always smiling with his hyung because maybe, just maybe, Jungkook likes being taken care of.

Of course he’s observant. He wants to know you emotionally because knowing you physically so well doesn’t exactly coincide with the fact that you’re moving away from that phase in your relationship per se. He should absolutely know what’s with you furrowing your brows outside of the bedroom, know what’s tinkering with his best friend’s mind and not only relate it to when he hits your sweet spot from down under.

As soft as he sounds in contrast to his obvious demeanor from being in such a place of authority and growing up with everyone’s eyes on him, Jungkook’s grown to take care of you. It’s massive growth in his part for the past month because he learned that maybe he shouldn’t really take all of his life alone. Maybe he needs someone.

He’s not rushing for marriage and to be honest, if only the two of you weren’t platonic and you weren’t the farthest thing from being in his likes in that way, that would be the only time he’d look at you beyond as a friend. Companionship doesn’t need to equate to romantic relationships and that’s perhaps one of the many things he’d been lacking.

You like Jungkook as an addition to your life. You’re no stranger to strikingly-handsome best friends — Taehyung and Seokjin and of course Jimin are the living proof, but only the last part is who you’re unsure of.

And maybe yes, maybe Jungkook’s right. Maybe you can’t always avoid Jimin forever but you know that but you’d die on that hill because you can’t see yourself caving soon. Missing him yet not wanting to see him are the things you juggle with.

“Either side with me or you can get out of my apartment.”

He sputters when you slap his hand away and take his portion for yourself and audibly complains of how come you can sit on your couch and he can’t, forgetting that it’s your apartment and your couch that he’s talking about.

You’re also forgetting that he’s your boss, your superior, and your CEO. Although it becomes official by Monday, you come to your sense and sheepishly hand him half of it back.

You’ve quit the bartender gig but that doesn’t stop you from dropping in to work sometimes. Because maybe Jaehyun misses you a little that he pretends not to see when you sneak in a drink or two free of charge, and Seokjin misses you and his pride nowadays doesn’t deny him from saying that he misses you.

Jungkook kinda panics at that because not only does he not want to go home to his massive penthouse by himself where he can eat all that he wants on his couch, but he also needs the company and watching a crappy movie with you would give him a good night’s sleep.

“Look, look! All I’m saying is, from dude to dude or whatever, is that anyone could see how much he misses you.”

It’s your turn to slightly panic and you don’t know what to take from that, visibly caught in a daze as Jungkook takes the sweet time to slither from the floor to the couch.

He’d know that actually, because two weeks ago when he came over after a long tiring day and he just wants to be buried in you, Jimin just happens to aiming for you door too.

Jimin was second-guessing the whole day whether he should come over to your apartment unannounced and how you’d take it, but once the urge to visit overpowers, he certainly didn’t expect this guy.

He didn’t come empty-handed and there’s an outrageously tiny boquet he’s sure that you’d like because you found them obscene and adorable right inside his backpack. He doesn’t have the slightest clue inside his mind why you haven’t been yourself lately, or maybe it’s just because he refuses to believe it as it is.

Jimin’s cocky at first and that’s what Jungkook can clearly see, not resisting the amused scoff leaving him at the aura this other dude gives off.

“You two fucking?”

Jungkook laughs at that, both because he’s taken in surprise and also because it’s the clear answer.

“You wanna know?”

Actually, he’s starting to realize that maybe fucking you isn’t the only thing he’d like to do. You honestly seem pretty cool for a person, and he wants to befriend you! You’re level-headed as far as he knows, and the argument that’s flowing in his head is clearly different from the one in Jimin’s.

The older boy’s visibly frustrated, pinching his nosebridge as he tries to be civil.

“Look, I don’t know-...”

To put it simply, Jungkook has the knack of messing with people from time to time. Now may not exactly be the best time for it but he still takes the opportunity, ignoring the way Jimin’s gaze at him burns him down enough.

“I’m down for almost everything. Though I’d have to ask if Y/N’s game for a threesome or-“

“God, no! I-...”

Jimin resists the urge to bite back a snarky remark, opting to crack his knuckles using the same hands as he wants to be as level-headed with this as much as possible.

Namjoon coming out of his own apartment would be very convenient right now to diffuse the tension even if he’d feel it himself, yet your blue-haired neighbor doesn’t come out any time soon and neither will any of them back down.

He’s still a reasonable distance away from Jungkook who’s still standing in from your door, staying there because this whole scenario intrigues him that he figures that his desperations could wait a few more minute.

“Has she been eating properly? Sleeping? Still working?”

That’s a surprise.

Jungkook’s pleasantly taken aback with Jimin’s sentiments when it comes to you, a gentle smile on his face that maybe he’s not as bad as he thought of him.

Granted that yeah, he’s not the one who harbors unrequited love for him unlike you, but from what he can observe does he think that sometime along the way — of you going out of your way to get out of Jimin’s, is his change of heart

“Mhmm. I think. I don’t exactly live here.”

That’s all the silent reassurance he needs that you and him aren’t a thing, the relief in his heart unexplainable because the last time he checked, friends aren’t supposed to be this relieved for the other’s lack of a partner. It’s almost as if Jimin wished and prayed that Jungkook wasn’t your boyfriend.

“Cool.”

“Nice.”

He has his hands on his pockets as he twitches where he stands, Jungkook’s eyebrows raised because he knows all too well when someone’s hesitant to leave.

Jimin thinks it’s for the better if he retreats for now even if it pains him, planning to come back another day in better circumstances. Pondering about it, maybe this is a good thing. Keep his thoughts organized and his mind running, then try not to think about what’s probably going to happen as soon as Jungkook enters your door.

“Bye, Jungkook.”

This whole encounter truly cracks him up, finding it amusing as he leans against your door just to prof further.

“Searching me up? Dropped by the company? Don’t tell me you bought the latest magazine with my face on it.”

Jimin scoffs and he could tell that the both of them have atleast loosened up to each other and he doesn’t feel the urge to throw him down the floor like what he learned. But scoffing doesn’t take him away from the fact that yeah, okay, maybe he did exactly what Jungkook implied.

“Not like I wanted to spend my money on an overpriced issue. ‘Course I need to look out for Y/N.”

He pleasantly hums as he brings out his phone, about to text you to suddenly open your door right now with no questions asked. “That’s not your job.”

“And it’s yours?”

He shrugs at the condescending tone Jimin gives him, taking note to tell you about this interaction sooner than later.

“Never said it was mine.”

Jungkook backspaces his text until it’s blank, wanting to type a new one yet he stops in his tracks just to listen.

“Well then good. Because it’s mine.”

Jimin sounds so sure despite the ruffling his backpack gives when he readjusts it on his shoulder, swiping underneath his eye that he’s done out of habit and effectively taking out the last bit of eyeliner since he went here straight from a shoot.

You never actually said it was his, but he feels this obligation; this pull.

It’s a commitment he’s given himself, suddenly whispering to himself when all he’s done in the past minutes was to be accusatory with his sharp voice.

“It’s always been mine.”

bar this weekend? it’s also jin’s birthday soon and i’ve got some free shirts from this shoot that’s his size

we can put both our names on the card, i won’t tell :D

then split a sundae and some brownies, my treat!!

i’ll crash at ur place tho i still have a sweater or two left there

Jimin sighs to himself, making the makeup artist for a second that she’s the reason why he’s so huffy and the dabbing of the sponge to his cheeks don’t do anything to make the situation better.

He’s sighing, not because he’s run out of pride. Not because he used to find double-texting an ultra desperate move. Not because he now doesn’t spend a second longer thinking to send a message. No. He’s sighing because he feels that you’re so out of his grasp.

He can’t do anything about it currently, now that he’s in a shoot the director had to beg him to be in because in the past week, all that Jimin’s done is deny one offer after the other.

Normally he’d feel ecstatic that he’s becoming even more in-demand, but in truth, none of that matters when you’re the only one he’d be eager to have a meeting with. He’d take you over a designer shoot anytime without skipping a heartbeat, even if that means Yoongi, his agent, lose his shit over before curling up into a ball.

He’s booked yet he lets the chances slip from his fingers. Nothing could be any more important than you.

He’s hanging on by an insistent line of desperation actually, taking the time to skim through his phone’s camera roll and his Instagram archives to look for you, put you on his story, and leave people wondering.

If he was lucky enough then you’d add it to yours, and if he wasn’t then he’d be faced with nothing and a hundred other reactions that didn’t come from you, a full day left to soak in the pain that he doesn’t have your undivided attention.

Jimin knows that this was wrong -- knows that it’s selfish of him and his approach isn’t always the best, but he’s piss-poor clueless. His moral compass is clouded and just by you distancing yourself away from him is enough to drive him over the edge.

He’s so lost in you consuming his thoughts that sometimes he gets lucky, the frustration of trying to get where he went wrong and you went cold sets a distant and steely look on his face and it’s exactly what the photographer needed for the shoot.

You only feel half-sorry when your phone dings with multiple texts again from Jimin in the middle of trying on work outfits for your first day, despite your cold resolve that you want to keep up; and additionally, despite Jungkook’s insistence that you should wear the grey pencil skirt because it would be the perfect last outfit the two of you get to fuck each other in, and apparently, it should be in his office.

He’s unbearable, but he’s not half-bad you suppose.

It takes one beat, two beats before you will yourself to type out a reply, a little hitch in your breath and you’re not entirely sure if it’s just misplaced nervousness or because your high-waisted pencil skirt is literally too constricting and pencil-y for its own kind.

wish i could :(( would go to the bar at the weekend but i already promised another friend and he’s planned it weeks before

You already know that it’d be impossible and Jimin will most likely turn down the invitation altogether, even if what you said this time is entirely true.

Taehyung’s finally finished his studies abroad and he’s coming home at last, having already set up living arrangements and even interior designs months before he even got a ticket back home. One of the many plans he’s made was the both of you to go back to Jaehyun’s bar that was the witness to every miniscule thing (whether to celebrate or destress) back in college. And of course, since Tae exists that he has to be treated like royalty after having studied oh so long abroad, you’d have to treat and indulge him of course!

Those went along the lines of him saying he wanted to go to the aquarium, and then him pretending he didn’t plant that idea in your head, then breaking character for a brief second to tell you that you should surprise him with the tickets. 

great! he can tag along with us then

Jimin replies as soon as he got ahold of his phone the moment yet-another mundane shoot ended, not even an hour from when you last sent in your text that has him breathing sharply. 

It’s not a mistake with how he worded it, because after all, nobody could be anymore compatible with you, right? Jimin sometimes feels like he knows you more than he knows himself, and he could only assume that you think the same.

He’s not exactly pleased and he wouldn’t say that he’s a little hurt knowing it just wouldn’t be the two of you together nor you cancelling said plans with this other guy he’s highly suspicious of, even more suspicious than he could get with free shipping on a non-holiday.

Whatever it is you subject him to, it’s okay.

It’s okay.

Jimin would take whatever he can get.

“Promise me you’d behave.”

It’s an empty warning that goes through Taehyung, still grinning as he completely disregards what you’ve just said and leans to squeeze in your face once again.

He’s missed you — he truly did! Random things would remind him of you all throughout his time abroad, and the way he brought home souvenirs and goodies for you is all-telling. Well for one, he did bring home a plastic bag to you that he claims is filled with the air of where he stayed, but you’re still doubting if he’s just blown to it with his own breath. There’s the license plates and the mugs, and the more endearing ones were blankets and custom shirts he’s managed to snag for you.

The familiarity home brings gets him drunk and unsurprisingly, he’s already managed to befriend Jin despite knowing each other for less than an hour.

Tae just had to compliment Jin on his earrings, and he just had to squeal in delight because apparently you were too slow to notice them.

The two of you were already here in the bar an hour early before what Jimin said, and you decided on that with the reasoning that maybe you needed to be a little bit more intoxicated upon meeting him again after quite some time.

“It’s not like I bite. You told me we were similar or something like that.”

Taehyung finds it nice that you did get a best friend while he was away, because he’s the same with Hoseok who he’s also met and they just automatically clicked that they were roommates in the next week. He’s keen on you branching out, but he’s not exactly sure what to feel that he just had to be a little similar to this friend of yours.

He’s still your original, first, best close friend that no one can take the throne of.

“That is my point, Tae. The two of you are competitive over things and you haven’t even met each other yet.”

He hums at that, once again ignoring what you’ve just said as he pokes and pokes on your cheek.

Maybe it’s your bad luck, but you just have this pattern of having really handsome guys and only have them turn out as friends because neither have the feelings, and maybe you’ve also been so affection-starved that you think Taehyung poking your cheeks is domestic.

“Hmmm,” he hums indifferently, this time in a tune and even runs his thumb on your cheek incessantly, “what moisturizer do you use?”

It’s your turn to ignore him this time, having to physically shake Taehyung by the shoulder so he’d get to focus and won’t be in a trance with your moisturized cheeks that he likes attacking.

“Need to tell you some things,” his attention’s piqued yet he doesn’t jump into conclusions, his shoulder a very warm crevice that you surely missed which is why you’re immediately burying yourself into, not wanting to look him in the eye.

“I know there’s a lot of things.”

What Taehyung didn’t tell you is that he had some people then and there to after you, from some friends and to some family he sent every once in awhile and he simply couldn’t believe that you thought they were all coincidences and you just happened to bump to his mother in the grocery even if she lived in the next city.

“Tell me the most important ones in a single sentence. I’ll ask and we can catch up with everything later.”

He has a hunch on what said things could be but he doesn’t say a word, not sure if he already wants to precede wanting to know if you really do prefer cheese popcorn over butter and what would his reaction be if you-

“I just wanna tell you that Jisoo’s in town, I’m in love — used to, I think — with Jimin, and the two of them are together.”

Oh.

Taehyung stares off into the distance, his gaze into nothingness unrelenting are you’re actually nervous if you’ve broken him already.

Five beats, six beats, and Tae blinks. He’s finished trying to tie all the ends of your statement altogether and surprisingly, made peace with what he says a few seconds later.

“Doesn’t matter. Moved on long ago.”

Taehyung smiles but the rigidness of it isn’t his facial structure, but rather the slightest of pain behind it, an unexplainable glaze on his eyes that he blinks soon enough.

“W-well me too! I moved on too!”

His sudden confession, if it was even the truth in the first place, suddenly makes you do the same that it reminds him of an eager puppy he’s always wanted to get.

He snorts at that but doesn’t question the validity of what you’ve just said. Taehyung’s always known that you’re a bit fragile and he lets it pass — you atleast need something sembling control over your life.

“To let you know, I even sleep with-...”

“Oh my god, Y/N-...”

You’ve grown but you never really strayed, always wanting to prove something that you didn’t care about obviously giving too much information and crossing boundaries.

He’s giving you noogies and you let him, the tipsy lull of the shots that Jaehyun gave you taking its course.

Jimin’s more nervous than excited to stroll into the place, hands in his pockets that effectively crease his pants but he doesn’t mind.

It doesn’t take another second longer to find you even with your back turned to him, quickly weaving in between the sea of people to get to you. He’s probably gotten a curse or two, but none of those matter.

“Hey!” Jimin patters as soon as he sees the back of your head, taking you into a massive bear hug from behind you widen your eyes on.

He’s unbelievably gotten warmer than before, and you would’ve lost yourself if he didn’t squeeze you in earnest and if Taehyung didn’t take a once-over of him.

“Hi,” it’s the only one you could muster, two pats on his arm that you’d only reserve as a silent sign for him to let go and he knows that, but doesn’t take notice.

Taehyung’s the one that breaks it, a cold stare on Jimin that he only returns as icy.

“Park Jimin. Y/N’s best friend.”

You have no time to purse your lips over that, because Tae raises his eyebrows at it as if he’s either challenged or surprised, but he offers his hand nonetheless, noticing how much bigger his hand his that he instinctively squeezes it a little tighter like how he’d do with you.

And if Jimin is hurt, he doesn’t show it.

“Kim Taehyung. Y/N’s best friend since high school.”

That one’s something Jimin didn’t expect, head tilting to analyze if this Kim guy is actually serious and if he was, then how come you never told him?

His jaw clenches for a second, a forced smile on his lips that he’s practiced for his career day and night.

Not that it matters.

Taehyung and Jimin engage in conversation by themselves, and you don’t pay attention enough to know that their “conversation” is just them trying to boast, the other to be condescending, and trying to one-up each other in their knowledge about you.

“Bet you don’t even know Y/N’s favorite fruit.”

“What, as a child or the one she likes now? Better yet, do you even know the fruits that she hates?”

“Hmm, you mean practically almost everything? Nice try. Bet you don’t know how in second semester, she-“

“Took a tutoring class with Min Yoongi? The other intelligent dude that she used to have as a sworn enemy? Christ, it’s not like you even try.”

Your attention span has long been faded, instead turning your focus to Seokjin who hasn’t moved from his spot for washing the glasses for five minutes because he’s eavesdropping at the conversation, and he is certainly entertained.

“Are we getting wasted for your birthday?”

Jin has to blink away the sleepiness from his eyes that has since been disappearing ever since he dropped in to listen to the bickering, promising to himself that he should be well-rested and not have three hours of sleep for the days that you’re gonna come over the bar and have two best friends fighting over for a title they’ve made up themselves.

“Might be. Although I’m not inviting any of those two that look like they’re gonna claw each other debating what’s your favorite drink.”

Jin feels like a breath of fresh air, and in another tipsy haze, if only he had feelings for you and vice versa, he’d totally be your boyfriend by now.

You admire him but not in that way.

He fascinates you because you’ve figured that Jin’s always been more than well-off from the start. No one in their right mind would come to work in Gucci mules and in a Rolex wristwatch for their bartending job.

He’s explained it to you a couple of months back. Just so happens that Seokjin’s actually a heir to his dad’s company, and he just got this job to humble himself. Perhaps he’s the one born with a silver spoon in his mouth and had too much control, that he’s taken it upon himself to put him down a couple of notches.

That explains to how Jin just takes whatever schedule he can get and doesn’t complain, or to how him and Jungkook have always seemed familiar with each other and had too much in common, contributing factors were that he was Jungkook’s senior in business school and that they were born in the same elite circle. Also to how Jin applied to Jaehyun, and the guy must have found it ridiculous considering they both have the same situations, and immediately hired him right away.

Jin’s just always been there in a way, from how he’d offer you atleast half of his salary when you’re in a tight spot, to talking it out with Jaehyun when you insisted on coming to work with half a mind and a handful of cramps.

“You’re the best.”

That came out of nowhere, and so did the sudden poking of your finger to Seokjin’s bread smile, but he takes it.

Meanwhile, that’s gotten Jimin’s attention.

He’s been on edge and having Taehyung, who oddly seems similar to him, is insulting that he wants to deck him with his rings.

He doesn’t like feeling second. Doesn’t like feeling second to something he knew he’d be the first at, and the concept of not being the first meaning that you’re last makes him frown.

The thoughts consuming his mind are just too noisy to let go, taking advantage when Tae’s by the bathroom and Jin’s flagged down by a customer.

“Y’close with Taehyung?”

Jimin whispers as if it’s too shameful to be said aloud, and he thinks that it is, but you only roll your eyes at him playfully and it gets him in a deeper frown because you were only taking this lightly.

“I have other friends too, y’know.”

Yeah, he’s forgotten about that. And if he pretends hard enough, he could be the only one.

There’s no time to dwell on it, not when he’s already drowned in it too deep. He wants nothing but to be selfish and it’s a thought so massive that his ego seemed superficial.

“Jimin, you need to know something.”

There’s a light tap on his forearm but he was already long alert before that, his eyes widening with how you’re looking at him.

You’re looking at him like you used to and for some reason, he’s excited. He’s jittery and nervous at the same time, and he doesn’t know what for, but he wants you to say it.

“Y-yeah? What is it?”

His mind flashes back to when you confessed to him when you were drunk, and he thinks you’ve forgotten it. He’s forgotten about it too, actually. But the situation was so similar again but this time he wasn’t cowering from it nor laughing at your face.

This time he’s the one who’s nervous and hopeful, the tips of his fingers trembling as he looks deep into your eyes.

“Taehyung’s ex is Jisoo, alright? He already knows about the two of you. Just thought you needed the transparency.”

Your stern statement withers into a mumble at the end, Jimin’s stare so intense that it makes you cower.

Instantly, you think that he looks dejected because he’s already known for the start and the truth you’ve just dropped on him confirmed it.

Jimin’s absolutely crestfallen because it’s the furthest thing he’s ever expected for you to say, feeling your hand give him some consolation pats on his back.

One inhale, one exhale. Maybe the gnawing feeling of emptiness he’s feeling would be gone tomorrow, now that you’ve sprung an unknown truth of his current girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend happening to be your friend.

But that’s not the case.

“Yup. Needed that.”

It’s okay for Jimin to look for you.

It’s okay for him to only hum when Jisoo hugs him and buries her face in his chest. It’s not as warm as yours when you embrace him, and the scent that stays on his shirt isn’t of you. She doesn’t nudge her nose on the middle of his chest, and poke at his sternum and ask him to stop getting ripped.

It’s okay for him to only smile when she kisses him when used to giggle and actually love it. He’s never kissed you but he wonders everyday, and you’d probably taste as sweet as you look. If he ever did kiss you, you’d be his only fixation he can’t stop drinking out of.

It’s okay for Jimin to only smile when Jisoo tells him that she loves him, and if he ever does say it, there’s no I preceding the reiteration.

He’s not sure whether she means it or it’s out of habit, something developed when he said it so often and out of the blue. Even then, he can’t feel the saccharine feeling of being drunk in love anymore. Atleast Jimin knows that whenever you told him you loved him, you did actually mean it.

This is okay.

It’s okay for him to buy your perfume and spray it on his pillow, and if he closes his eyes hard enough, he could think that the comforter enveloping him is your warmth instead.

Jimin’s lost and he lets himself to be.

It’s okay to fall out of love with Jisoo.

Jimin from three months ago wouldn’t have thought that it was possible. In fact, he thought that it was the most impossible thing underneath the sun and he often confesses it to the moon, because he’s never fallen as hard.

Jimin from two months ago thought that he’s at his happiest, and everything that’s been happening ever since he’s laid his eyes on Jisoo is serendipity.

Jimin from a month ago thought that he was rotting from within. He felt as if he’s the most frustrated he’s ever been and it got him wondering whether his hair is actually dyed grey or if it’s from his stress.

Jimin now, is someone that has never been hurt before as he’s hurting now.

He finds himself in this same godforsaken bar he’s grown to both hate and love, and the start and end of what seems to be the things that make and break him as a person.

It’s clear as day when under the simultaneously soft and harsh lighting, that maybe Jisoo’s never been his.

No one between the two of them actually made the initiative to break up with the other, but it seemed like words weren’t needed.

She’s perhaps always belonged to Taehyung who has the tightest of grips on her waist. There’s no grinding, no libido. Embracing each other in the middle of a crowd tells him everything he needs to know.

Jisoo’s slipped away from Jimin’s grasp and into Taehyung’s who’ll she will always come back to. Tae never wavers and he’s holding onto her as if she’s his lifeline, and that wouldn’t exactly be wrong.

Jimin’s girlfriend is slipping away from him but it’s not what pains him.

Jimin’s eyes are bleary, and he’s unsure whether it’s because he’s drunk or because he’s crying. Whatever it was, it’s not because of Jisoo — it’d never been her.

He rests his head on your shoulder and you let him. He feels so defenseless and looks shattered that you don’t question him nonetheless, a magnanimous feeling of pity rolling from every circle you rub to his back.

“You’re really beautiful.”

He says it out of the blue as if it’s a confirmed thought, looking up at you in stride.

“Don’t say things like that,” you could only murmur as you try to look for a bottle of water within your reach, sooner or later having to haul Jimin home.

He doesn’t have a slightest clue why you’d dismiss it, but he persists as he always does.

“I’m really lucky to know you,” it’s an irrevocable fact with how he says it, making you think for a second if he’s actually sober and could come home by himself. That’s not any of his worries, because this time his mind works as fast as his mouth does. “But I think I’m the luckiest if I can have you.”

As Jimin comes to realize, it’s not Jisoo that he should’ve fallen for. He got burned as fast as he crashed, and it was love like that he’s always tried seeking.

It’s the easy short-lived warmth he got from a candle, but never the hard yet lasting warmth he got from a fireplace.

Your love for him was built steadily over the years and never all at once. It was from a spark to a fire in the making you took the chance being burnt from, and how long it was built meant no match to how short it was extinguished.

“Am I too late?”

Jimin’s as vulnerable as he can get that he doesn’t realize he’s already crying and it’s not drunken blues anymore.

He loves you so much and it takes an avalanche to make him realize that every moment with you shined.

His heart’s a muscle and he couldn’t believe that he’s only realized now that you’re it’s one true memory, having trained to be with you so much that no one could quite compare all along.

You don’t need anything to be the light; you don’t need to do anything to be the center of attention. It’s always been you yet he’s dismissed the thought that maybe it was just the bias of having known you.

But now, it’s about who he would and wouldn’t be if not for you.

Jimin can’t live without even the concept of you.

“If I told you that I’m falling for you, what would you do?”

And when you look at him with the same hint of bleariness in your eyes, and his shoulder feels the brunt of your tentative squeeze and sees the lightest of smiles on your lips —

Jimin knows everything that he needs to know.

[taeyongdoyoung]

summary: you are a mermaid and you save a handsome man from drowning but little do you know it’s not his first rodeo when dealing with mermaids. seonghwa, a former prince, is currently hongjoong’s first mate and boyfriend. hongjoong is the captain, the pirate king of the most savage crew across the seas. and you want nothing to do with them. not because they’re pirates, but because they’re humans…

ship: mermaid!reader x prince/pirate!seonghwa x pirate!hongjoong

genre: little mermaid!au, pirate!au, romance, angst, fantasy

warnings: kidnapping, water deprivation (?), swearing, manipulation, eavesdropping, jealousy, betrayal (?), i think that’s it, but pls let me know if i missed anything triggering!!!

author’s note: sorry for the huuuge hiatus, i’ve been working on other things and also uni has been really hectic, i hope you guys enjoy this new chapter!

word count: 2.5k

chapter one ☠️ chapter two ☠️ chapter three ☠️ chapter four ☠️ chapter five ☠️  chapter six ☠️ chapter eight ☠️chapter nine  ☠️ chapter ten ☠️ chapter eleven ☠️ chapter twelve ☠️ chapter thirteen ☠️ spotify playlist

You were trapped inside a fishnet. Everything was so dark and dry you couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t tell exactly where you were, all you knew was that Soojin was nearby and she was screaming in a panicked way.

“Relax, Soojin, we’ll get out of here,” you tried to comfort your sister.

“HOW?” she cried out. “WE’LL DIE HERE!”

You attempted to not freak out and focus on what you knew. Someone had thrown fishnets at you two and you were now left without water. Which meant that this wasn’t Hongjoong’s ship. No matter how much he hated you, you knew that Seonghwa would never let Hongjoong do anything like this. But you were still positive that this was a pirate ship. What you couldn’t find out was who had taken you two and why?

Fortunately (or not), your questions were answered soon enough, as a tall figure approached, holding up a torch that lit up the front part of the ship, giving you a chance to examine your surroundings.

“Where did you get the ring?” the man asked Soojin as he pulled it out of her finger.

Soojin gulped nervously and even though you both knew it was Yeosang that given her the ring, to your surprise, she lied.

“I found it. Now will you let us go?”

The tall figure laughed darkly.

“No. Because you’re lying, you little thief.”

Shit. You were in big trouble.

“Let’s see how a week without water will do you,” he hissed. “Pathetic mermaids.”

“Wait,” you yelled after him, intending to tell him the truth rightaway. You couldn’t risk dying over this. But before you could open your mouth again, Soojin dug her fingernails into your hand, preventing you from speaking up.

“ROT IN HELL,” she screamed at the man as he was walking away.

“Oh, darling, I’m already in it.”

Once he was out of earshot, you struggled in the dark to focus on Soojin’s features.

“Why did you lie to him, Soojin?” you hissed in frustration. “You don’t owe Yeosang anything!”

“If I told him the truth, he would go after Yeosang!”

“And you’d rather die than let anything happen to your sweetheart, is that it?” you sighed.

“Yes, I’d die happy if I knew he was safe.”

“What about me, Soojin?” you groaned. “How is this fair? I don’t want to die here to ensure some human will live.”

“You won’t die. You said it yourself. We’ll get out of here,” Soojin tried to sound hopeful.

“If we don’t, I’ll haunt you in the afterlife,” you vowed threateningly.

“I deserve that,” she chuckled sadly.

🧜‍♀️🧜‍♀️🧜‍♀️

You couldn’t tell how much time had passed. You felt so tired and hopeless and as if you were minutes away from drawing your last breath. Soojin was in a similar state. Your initial idea to claw your way out of the ropes had proven to be futile. Not only was that impossible to achieve, but the lack of fluids was weakening your bodies in such a way that you no longer had any idea if it was day or night. You promised to yourself that if the tall man who’d trapped you here appeared again, you would tell him everything about Yeosang. You didn’t want to die and follow Soojin on her suicide mission. But no matter how much time passed, the dark figure didn’t return. You were done for. And despite how badly you hated humans (pirates, in particular) in that moment, you still wished you could see Seonghwa once more. Let him know that you didn’t blame him for Ariel’s death. That the real monsters were the sea witch and his parents for separating him from his loved one in such a cruel way. But you couldn’t even do that. Couldn’t even hear his voice again…

☠️☠️☠️

Seonghwa’s POV

We were on a journey across the sea with no specific direction when suddenly, we ran into Mingi’s ship by accident. I wondered if he noticed us and if he would attack us. It had been a while since our last encounter when that bastard cut off Yeosang’s right hand. It had also been a while since the last time I talked to Y/N. I missed her and I was so mad at everyone standing in the way of our friendship. Imagine my surprise, when I spotted a large fishnet hanging from Mingi’s ship, tied up to the figurehead, tall enough so as to not touch the water. I squinted in order to see better and soon enough, realized that whatever was inside, was too big to be a regular fish. No. Fucking. Way. Were those mermaids? I didn’t know what came over me, maybe it was my gut feeling, but I knew I had to save them. Even if I didn’t know them, I couldn’t have another mermaid death weighing on my conscience. I hurriedly rushed to talk to my fellow mates and tell them what I’d seen. We had to make a decision quickly or else Mingi’s ship would sail away and then, it would be more difficult to trace him.

“Guys, I think Mingi’s trapped a couple of mermaids inside a fishnet!” I screamed.

“What? We have to help the poor creatures!” Yeosang replied, backing me up. I gave him a thankful wink.

“I agree,” Wooyoung added and pointed towards the fishnet that was still in our field of vision. “Look! That asshole is not letting them touch the water!”

“Oh, no, that’s horrendous!” San exclaimed. “I’ve heard that mermaids can’t last long without water.”

“All the more reason to save them,” I insisted.

“I don’t think this is a sensible idea,” Hongjoong argued.

“Please, whatever your ridiculous vendetta against mermaids is about, it can wait,” Yeosang complained.

“It’s not just about the mermaids, Yeo,” our captain responded. “The last time we fought Mingi, it didn’t end well,” he purposefully stared at Yeosang’s missing hand, as if to remind him. Yeosang gave him a dirty look and took his sword out, skillfully managing it with his left hand, as if to prove a point. “Mingi is too powerful and dangerous, if we confront him, we may risk losing not just a hand, but our lives.”

I pulled Hongjoong aside and whispered in his ear.

“Do you want them to know that you lied to Mingi? That you told him the mermaids killed the sea witch?”

“I did that to protect you,” Hongjoong hissed.

“Nonsense. You did that selfishly because you wanted to get rid of Y/N. Be very careful what you say next.”

“Come on, guys!” Wooyoung urged us to cut it off. “Mingi’s ship is getting away!”

“Yeah, make a decision already!” San groaned.

“It’s your call, Captain,” I addressed Hongjoong. “Choose wisely. You might gain something if you stop us but you’ll lose something far more important.”

“Are you threatening me?” Hongjoong furrowed his brows. “Don’t forget who’s in charge, Hwa.”

“I haven’t forgotten anything. It’s you who forgot how to show compassion to those in need,” I reminded him. “You saved all of us. That’s why we’re loyal to you. Why can’t you help us save these mermaids, too? Would it really kill you if you tried?”

Hongjoong rolled his eyes.

“Fine. But if one of you gets hurt, it’s not on me, it’s on you, Hwa. Remember that in case things go wrong.”

“We can take care of ourselves, thank you very much.”

And with that, we pulled out our weapons. It was time to attack Mingi’s ship and get those poor mermaids out of these fishnets.

☠️☠️☠️

Hongjoong’s POV

This was a terrible idea, but Seonghwa put me in such a position that it was impossible to refuse. We hurriedly threw ropes with hooks at Mingi’s ship in order to get on board. The plan was that Yeosang and I would confront Mingi ourselves, while Seonghwa, Wooyoung and San cut off the fishnets and free the mermaids into the sea. I knew that it was a big risk, but a part of me also knew that I was partially responsible for this happening. If I hadn’t been so petty to tell Mingi that the mermaids were to blame for the sea witch’s death, we wouldn’t be here right now. As we were looking for Mingi, I was surprised at how relaxed Yeosang seemed. Honestly, I admired him for his bravery.

“Hey, bastard!” Yeosang yelled as he stormed into the captain’s cabin. “Face me, you coward!”

Mingi was obviously taken aback by Yeosang’s recklessness and it took him a while to find his sword. While he was frantically looking for it, I grabbed him by the collar and hissed.

“You betrayed us and cut off Yeosang’s hand, Mingi. You’re not getting out of this.”

“What’s your problem? I thought mermaids were our common enemy, Hongjoong,” Mingi exposed my secret and I loosened my grip on him, ashamed by my actions.

Yeosang didn’t seem fazed at all, he simply pointed his sword towards Mingi’s neck.

“You had it all wrong, Mingi,” Yeosang informed him calmly. “The mermaids didn’t kill the sea witch. It’s humans you should be scared of,” he added, without specifying too much and attacked.

I was frozen in place for a couple of seconds, which was enough for Mingi to regain his composure and defend himself.

“You knew?” I whispered to Yeosang as the two of us charged faster against Mingi.

“I may have overheard your conversation,” Yeosang replied coldly.

“Why didn’t you tell us you knew all along?” I asked as I tried to hold Mingi off.

“Why didn’t you tell me yourselves?” Yeosang countered and disarmed Mingi.

“Go ahead, then! Kill me already,” Mingi incited us.

“No,” Yeosang refused. “I want you to live with the consequences of your actions,” he dropped the sword and once again took that damned ring from Mingi. “Tie him up, Hongjoong.”

“Why are you suddenly giving the orders?” I complained but pulled Mingi close as I wrapped a rope around his wrists.

“I literally have one hand, how am I supposed to tie him up?” Yeosang groaned.

“That’s fair.”

☠️☠️☠️

Yeosang’s POV

“Soojin!” I cried out in relief as soon as I saw her back into the sea and freed from those terrible fishnets. I jumped into the water and kissed her. “Are you alright?”

“My love, what happened to your hand?” she inquired worriedly.

“Mingi, that bastard who trapped you, cut it off,” I informed her. “But don’t worry, Hongjoong’s currently taking him as a prisoner to our ship.”

“I don’t understand,” Soojin whimpered. “I didn’t tell him anything about the ring, why would he come after you?”

“I know you didn’t, my brave girl,” I reassured her and hugged her. “I’m just glad you’re okay now.”

“How did you know I was here?”

“Honestly? I’d like to say I was destined to find you, but the truth is we ran into Mingi’s ship by chance. Seonghwa saw the fishnets and realized whatever was inside seemed too big to be fish.”

“What did you just call me?” Soojin joked, pretending to be offended.

“No, I just meant that…”

“Relax, I was only teasing,” Soojin laughed. “Thank you for saving us, darling. Another minute without water and I probably would have died.”

“I’m happy we came on time, then,” I smiled at her and pressed my forehead against hers.

☠️☠️☠️

Seonghwa’s POV

The minute the mermaids were free from the fishnets and back into the sea, I realized we had saved not just any mermaids, but Y/N and Soojin. I jumped right after them, not even bothering to check if Mingi had been successfully captured and soon enough, Yeosang joined me to talk to Soojin, quickly informing us that Hongjoong had taken Mingi back to our ship and he would no longer be able to harm anyone.

“You’re safe now,” I hugged Y/N and whispered words of reassurance in her ear, immediately forgetting all about our last encounter and the fact that she might need more time to accept what she’d learned about me and Ariel. The only thing that mattered was that she was okay. “You’re alright.”

“H-how did you know we were t-trapped?” she stammered.

“It was by accident.”

“Thank the fates,” Y/N sighed. “We wouldn’t have lasted much longer.”

“Did Mingi hurt you?”

She shook her head.

“Other than the no water thing, no, he didn’t.”

“Good. I would have killed him but…”

“No more death,” she spoke gently. “I’m beyond happy to see you, Seonghwa. I missed you terribly.”

“So did I, dearest. Does that mean you’re willing to forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” Y/N replied. “I can no longer bear being parted from you. Not even for a minute.”

Her words broke my resolve to respect her boundaries and remain loyal to Hongjoong despite what he’d done to me and I kissed her. To my utter disbelief, she kissed me back, her fingers holding onto my hair for dear life. When I finally pulled away, we were both out of breath.

“I’m so s-sorry, I shouldn’t have.”

“No! I wanted you to.”

“You did?”

“Of course! Seonghwa, I like you so much. And even though it hurts…I think Ariel would have wanted you to move on and to be happy.”

“Well, you make me happy.”

“Right back at you,” Y/N smiled fondly.

For the briefest of moments, we were in our own little world and I had forgotten all about the rest of the world with its problems. But then I made the mistake of looking away from her and I saw him.

☠️☠️☠️

Hongjoong’s POV

I couldn’t exactly interrupt them. I didn’t deserve it after all. I mean, not after being so harsh to Y/N, not after telling the secret about Seonghwa’s past to Y/N, and certainly not after lying to Mingi about the mermaids’ non-existent involvement in the sea witch’s death. I felt like a piece of shit for hurting them and yet, I couldn’t look away, either. It was no longer jealousy I was feeling. I knew I had it coming. It was so strange to me when I realized I felt perfectly calm to watch them embracing and kissing. I was even enjoying this, in some perverted way. And then Seonghwa spotted me. Soon after, Y/N did, too. I was so embarrassed that I had been caught observing them that I immediately turned around and started walking towards the inside of the ship, anywhere that would ensure avoiding them like the plague. They didn’t bother to yell after me and I was thankful for that. I was in no mood to explain myself or talk to them or anything. And despite the fact that she’d taken him away from me, I was glad that she’d survived. No creature deserved to be left without water for so long and I could only imagine how much worse such an ordeal would be to a mermaid. In any case, I was relieved that Mingi was in one of our cells now. Coming here wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Two lives were saved and we had finally defeated him. Our former friend, who was also our enemy and now, our prisoner. When had life gotten so damn complicated?

To be continued…

[kathleen-meyer-lyme-survivor]

DISCLAIMER:  I have signed a waiver and become a contributor to an upcoming book by a fellow, healed Lyme patient. Some or all of this story may be published in the coming months. I have added and updated some of this information 9.12.2020, so hopefully I will not violate any copyright laws. 

 

NOTE:  Do not assume everything I write here or on my Facebook Lyme page will help. Everyone heals differently. Working with a knowledgeable, sincere doctor and finding the right combination of medication, herbs, personal lifestyle and diet changes will help. One size doesn’t fit all for Lyme disease treatments. Don’t be afraid to research and consult with your doctor. Get a notebook and write down EVERYTHING; diet, exercise, symptoms, dates, times, and ANY physical or emotional stress-causing events. Stress seems to be the biggest culprit of all diseases. Hypocrites stated, “All disease begins in the gut”. HE WAS RIGHT!! 

 

NAME:  Kathleen Meyer 

I live in Northern VA. I am a retired, 60+ year old Grandmother. I am widowed, and I was living alone when Lyme hit. Symptoms began between September 12-14, 2012. 

 

BACKSTORY:  September 12, 2012. I felt something prick my lower back. When I reached around to check, the area was very hot to touch. This was in my car in Reston, Virginia, on a 90+ degree day. I had left the car windows open slightly during the work day. 

The previous two weeks, I had been on vacation to the Pacific Northwest, to visit my Sister. While there, I visited a national park, which is highly populated by deer and other furry animals; large and small. There was hiking and a few photo ops while sitting on a rock wall. Deer roam around freely in the town where my Sister lives. 

After going to my family doctor almost daily between 9/14-10/12 to complain of strange symptoms, I was finally tested for Lyme, West Nile virus and Rocky Mountain Spotted fever. My doctor was skeptical at first, but I kept insisting the symptoms weren’t normal for any flu I had ever had. When I mentioned living by woods and recently spending time in a national park, I was taken more seriously.  

 

I was diagnosed with Lyme on October 12,2012, (clinically by relating symptoms) and blood work. Side note: Because I had Mono at age 18, I was also diagnosed with Mono “exposed”. I was instructed to go home, stay on bedrest and get clearance from an infectious disease doctor, before returning to work. I was on sick leave and coworker’s leave donations between 10/15-11/13/2012. I was also instructed NOT to work or look at work email while out sick; which I now understand completely. The philosophy seems to be, “Being out on sick leave means you’re too sick to be at work, so don’t try to do any work at home”. Never mind that after two weeks of bedrest, going stir crazy and wanting to do something, is very normal. 

 

TREATMENTS:  I was immediately placed on Doxycycline 200 mg, by the family doctor, for 20 days. That didn’t work. Then Doxycycline 200 mg for 10 days. When that didn’t work, there was 30 days additional. When I ran out, I waited between prescriptions about a week or two, to see if symptoms would come back. Symptoms kept coming back. I was on/off Doxycycline for a total of 60 days. My insurance company wouldn’t authorize more than 60 days, so I was given Cefuroxime 500 mg for 30 days. 

 

NOTE:  At the beginning of the Cefuroxime prescription I doubled the dose for the first 4 days, just to see what would happen. I realize that wasn’t a very smart thing to do, but I wanted to kill what was making me so sick. After the 4 days, I used the prescription correctly. At the end of the 30 days, no symptoms returned.  

 

NOTE:  I always eat yogurt in between any oral antibiotic dose. The reason is because all antibiotics kill all bacteria, including the beneficial bacteria we need in our gut, where the main part of the immune system is located. The other part of the immune system is our brain. The brain and gut communicate with each other UNLESS we have an illness like Lyme. The brain is affected and doesn't communicate correctly with the gut during Lyme, and probably during other autoimmune illnesses. 

 

MYSTERIOUS SYMPTOMS BEFORE TREATMENT:  High blood pressure, cardiomegaly, chronic bronchitis, prolapsed mitre heart valve, GERD, Barretts esophagus, large hiatal hernia. Other symptoms; short term memory issues, difficulty with vision, floaters, reading, sensitive to bright light and sunshine. Difficulty walking, bumping into walls, problems with grip and dropping things. Insomnia, sometimes several nights in a row. Constant buzzing, tingling, pain throughout my entire body. Chest pain, head and neck pain, difficulty with bowels, difficulty swallowing and anxiety from feeling so ill for no known reason, except Lyme. I was able to swallow correctly again, after an endoscopy and scraping of webbed growth (non-cancerous). 

 

WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW:  ALL doctors, nurses including E.R. personnel need to be made aware of how many hundreds of symptoms Lyme can have. It is known to mimic at least 400 other illnesses and syndromes. Millions of people worldwide are being mis-diagnosed or given catch-all diagnosis out of frustration. Doctors have about 15 minutes per patient and don’t have time to research and address everyone’s symptoms. More research is needed and the patient’s symptoms need to be taken more seriously. The phrase “The customer is always right”, needs to apply to patients as well. Haphazard treatment of symptoms and covering up symptoms DOESN’T WORK FOR LYME!! 

 

NOTE:  Most medical schools are funded by big pharma. They do not provide enough education to upcoming doctors about Lyme and similar illnesses. They don’t stress enough on nutrition or healthy eating as a benefit to patients. I have asked my doctors and chiropractor about this, and they said the same thing. 

Do NOT listen to any doctor who tells you your child has “Growing Pains”. Find a doctor who is knowledgeable about Lyme, preferably a young doctor with a growing family of his/her own. My family doctor diagnosed and treated me correctly, was THAT doctor, not a specialist, a general practitioner. 

 

HOW HAS LYME CHANGED MY LIFE; GOOD AND BAD:   Lyme caused me to be bedridden for over 3 weeks, afraid to drive for fear of getting lost, and feeling like I had early onset Alzheimer’s. I now feel that it was an eye-opening experience, which awakened me to how poorly I had been managing my diet and exercise on a daily basis. I also believe the 2012 influenza shot might have been flawed, because I never felt healthy after that, and it possibly weakened my immune system so Lyme and Mono could sneak in.  

I went from quick and easy meals and very little exercise to self-improvement. I learned from the Lyme pages on Facebook from reading other people’s stories. It was almost like putting a really large jigsaw puzzle together, very slowly and not having all the pieces in front of me. 

 

SOMETHING I DO NOW THAT I NEVER DID BEFORE LYME:  I now pay closer attention to my physical and emotional health, what foods I eat and the amount of daily exercise I get. I also developed pre-diabetes type 2 during the Lyme period. I am now eating real food and watching my weight in order to keep the pre-diabetes under control, without medication.  

 

NOTE:  Doctor’s won’t tell you unless you press them, that medication for everything is NOT the best way to control anything, because you’re stuck on the medication for the rest of your life. Our bodies are capable of healing, with help by US.  

 

THE MOST FRUSTRATING PART OF LYME DISEASE:  I would have to say, lack of compassion for what patients are going through on the part of medical professionals, insurance companies, news media, and the general public. “Take these pills and you’ll feel better”. This doesn’t work with Lyme disease; trust me. However, I know many people who believe everything their doctor says and I hear, “My doctor says it’s__________. More research is needed and the actual CAUSE should be researched and treated instead of pills to cover up underlying symptoms. 

 

MY BIGGEST SUPPORTER(S):  I have a private Facebook page called “Where is Lyme Disease”, which has 249 members. I consider all of them to be my supporters; we support each other. I have been posting there since March, 2015, before any of us realized Lyme is EVERYWHERE!! I HAVE POSTED HOW I TREATED, HEALED AND WHAT I AM DOING NOW TO STAY HEALTHY. Those answers were not readily found using an internet search in 2012. Everything I post on the page is from what I went through. I am trying to help others with Lyme get through it and not give up. 

I give all credit to healing to authors of books about Lyme struggles. There are too many to mention, but “Cure Unknown” by Pamela Weintraub was the best one. I read it several times, because the first time I tried to read, the words ran together and blurred because of Lyme. I am now able to read again, and have re-read several books I couldn’t comprehend before. If there’s a diagnosis of ADD or ADHD, suspect Lyme!!  

 

BIGGEST DAILY STRUGGLE:  Praying it never comes back and thanking God for every day which I am granted. Experimenting with different diet plans and keeping healthy. Getting away from white sugar, white flour and other overly processed, easy to fix foods and getting real food into my body is a daily challenge. 

Continuing to learn about and helping others deal with Lyme. I have helped quite a few people NOT give up. I wish I could help everyone or was a millionaire so I could donate money for a cure.  

[blackwoolncrown]

first off i appreciate all your posts on the word queer, i think you have a really good way of wording them that i and others struggle to. something your recent post brought up (particularly 'what does this look like when we get rid of the framework') is when people who don't have any experience with that word as a slur want to use it as 'reclaimed' - i've had people tell me where they live it's never been a slur/rarely ever had any influence as a slur, and... i never know what to say. what (1)

(2) relationship are people trying to pretend they have to that word if they don’t even have that same history of its use?

I don’t know, I can’t fully say because I only use the word as a conceptual framework, I use it where it has been used– note that I distinctly say LGBT when I mean both the people nad identities– ‘queer’ is a slur and when I discuss it it’s uslally because this specific word is often being used by people who are not Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender, and it is of note that while they would not be able to appropriate such terms, ‘queer’s ambiguousness allows them to appropriate LGBT-specific protections and vocabulary.

Why are they doing this? I will only speculate so far. In many cases it could be a process of their own personal exploration that may indeed lead to them one day ID ing as L/G/B/T, but that process is hampered when they are given license to claim their state cis/hetness is equivalent to LGBT identities.

Which brings me to your being told ‘well I’ve never heard it used as a slur where I live’ and so on. The thing is, this still displays what to me rings as highly suspect lack of empathy. I literally feel, as a person who is smack dab in the middle of several intersections of oppression that that is a red flag.

When someone tells a person that a word is associated with a history of oppression, physical violence and fucking death and that person goes ‘well I’ve never seen such so I disagree’ what has happened in that moment is that the person failed to see the victims you are alluding to and instead self-referred to their own experience as the authority for their behavior. Explaining that the word was associated with suffering did not trigger empathy in them, and that tells me that they do not fundamentally see themselves as like the people in the victim’s group. No matter what they say, or how they identify, this behavior is a litmus test for compassion– literally what kinds of people a person identifies as ‘like’ them and thus deserving of protection/affection.When black people say ‘white/nonblack people can’t say the N word in any context because of a history of oppression’ it is understood to be a perpetuation of racism for person to respond with ‘well I’ve never really seeen that happen my friends don’t say it that way’ what we hear is my opinion is more important than yours, and your story of suffering does not move me.

It doesn’t matter if I’ve never heard someone use g***y as a slur, when Romani people say don’t say it and that the word is actually rooted in racist oppression, my non-Romani experience of never having perceived that form of racism is irrelevant- of course I haven’t experienced it, I’m not Romani. I wouldn’t know. But I do feel that they are people like me who I do not wish to hurt, and thus I would not use the word anymore. If I continued to ignore their complaints and instead brought up my experience of it being an ‘okay’ term, I would be silencing them.So I don’t really care what arguments can be made for ‘inclusivity’, when I see people who do not exist in bodies/experiences that are policed or oppressed along homophobic/biphobic/transphobic lines and have not been made to see themselves as victims of hate crimes say that the word is theirs to use and/or that an LGBT person not wanting that term to be used as a label for them/the commnity is ‘problematic’ and that the word has a ‘positive history of reclamation’ what I also hear is “and I don’t care who it hurts, I don’t know anyone who has been hurt by that word, I do not empathize with these so called victims, I do not see from their perspective’, i.e. “I’m not actually like them and I have the privilege not to care.”These people will never say that, but the behavior of not feeling like ‘oh, oh wow let me never risk bringing that violence into anyone’s mind’ says volumes. Inadvertently they openly admit that not only do they not personally empathize, they aren’t even adjacent enough to the oppression to recognize it.Similarly it speaks volumes when people who consider themselves ‘queer’ display no willingness to understand intracommunity issues, intersectionality etc,, and who flippantly choose not to care about the term and community’s history in favor of accepting that they may be perpetuating oppression. 

When someone brings up the fact that your behavior is harmful, and you choose to say their complaining is problematic, that’s oppressor talk and I’ve seen it before.

[cartoonfangirl1218]

Love Potion Extravaganza Ch. 3

Note: Finally Eleteo action! No not that steamy action. Also some one sided Gabela. Songs featured are One Indescribable Instant https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2pp0AfFbCYk and Strip away my conscience https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FcmErbAsI7I.

Mateo pulled away and to Elena’s ears, an angel’s voice came out, “In one indescribable instant The whole world falls away.”

Elena joined in, instinctively knowing the words, “In one indescribable instant

You’ll know just what to say.”

They hugged each other close and Mateo swore his heart was in his throat now. He felt like all his feelings and senses were going to overwhelm him, she was beyond his wildest dreams.

“In one indescribable instant

Your heart will speak the truth.”

Elena leaned in to rub noses with him. This is what she had longed for in the amulet. Safety in someone else’s arms. Trust that he knew all of her and loved her no matter what. Affection and touch and love.

“Cause in that one indescribable, magical, mystical

Endless, incredible instant

The only words you’ll need are “I love you.”

Naomi stared at her friends in shock. The two had completely missed that CARLA DELGADO was dressed in a waitress outfit, not even hiding her identity, handing them drinks and they don’t care. They were kissing? What was this?!?!

“Uh Naomi, what’s the matter with you? This is very sweet.” Valentina said, swiping imaginary dirt from her dress from she pushed her away to yell at Mateo and Elena about Carla.

It looked like the two ad no notice of the world around them as they pulled into a passionate kiss again but parted to continue singing their adoration to each other, engaging in a swaying side to side sort of dance, “In one indescribable instant

There is no time or space

In one indescribable instant

It all falls into place.”

Naomi went right in front of them, but they didn’t even turn to her direction. Naomi shook her head, something must have been in that drink.

“In one indescribable instant

Your dreams will all come true

'Cause in that one indescribable

Magical, mystical

Endless, incredible

Barely believable

Truly unlikely

But not inconceivable

What? Are you kidding me?

No, it's for-real-able instant

The only words you need are "I love you"

The new couple kissed again and the people in the restaurant clapped and cheered for their princess and her wizard. Mateo looked at the crowd around them and blushed modestly but when he looked at Elena’s assuring smile, any trace of nervousness left his posture. Elena was uncaring of the crowd’s catcalls and simply snuggled close to his body and nuzzled her head in the crook of his neck.

“Perfect.” Carla muttered to herself as she watched the scene from the doorway to the ballroom.

Carla slipped into the ballroom and shut the door behind her.

The plan was going so well, if nothing went wrong, her family could rule Avalor by tomorrow morning.

It had been her mamí’s idea to use a love potion. Papa had been arguing to use pure forceful magic but Mamí vetoed it as too obvious and brutal.

She explained her plan to poison the waterways of Avalor with her love potion, the spell would cause drinkers to be blinded with love, endorphins and lust for the one they adored. And if the person was not paired up? He or she fell for the first person that matched their dream boy or girl. Or at least the person was so preoccupied with finding a mate or lusting after a mate that they were oblivious to everything else. The plan was that Carla would scour Avalor City, and make sure that everyone was under the spell. Make sure no one was missed. Then tomorrow, her parents would join her at the palace gates and take the throne.

And as an added bonus, the citizens would be happy. Mamí explained how it was always the unhappy citizens that revolted, if all of the Avaloran were distracted by love, they would never overthrow or complain about the Delgados as rulers.

She would be a princess and have all the power she ever wanted. It would be glorious.

“Carla Delgado!” A unfamiliar voice cried incredulously.

Carla looked across the room to see that Captain of the Guard- Gino or something whatever it was. She never gotten to know him even as her time as Rita, she just knew he was incredibly loyal to the royal family and doing his job.

Carla’s voice unexpectedly squeaked as she tried to think of an escape plan or some excuse but nothing was coming to mind. It wasn’t like she could bribe him to the dark side, she didn’t have anything she could offer. He wouldn’t be tempted by things like gold or authority. He was one of the good guys that valued emotions and...

Emotions, like love, and didn’t she just hear that Elena rejected him?

“Oh that man must be in such a vulnerable place right now. He must really want someone to give him affection and dole out compliments to mend his broken ego.”

Despite the intimidating image of a determined and slightly pissed guard stalking towards her, Carla began to prowl towards him, with an exaggerated swing of her hips.

She knew this was a gamble. It was very very unlikely she would be his type being that she did try to kill his friends and invade his kingdom a couple of times.

But her mother always said, those Knight types always had hero complexes. Always wanting to save the damsels and redeem the bad girls.

Men can never resist the bad girl.

“You’re mine, Delgado.” Gabe roughly grabbed her wrist.

Carla purposely looked down to the ground, then slowly looked up from under her eyelashes. A strategic glance to his pelvis, then to his chest, then his lips and finally his eyes, and simpered, “I really hope so, Giono.”

Gabe rolled his eyes, “It’s Gabe.”

“Sorry Captain.” Gabe looked questioningly at her soft, breathy voice.

“You gave. You can do whatever you want with me. My parents abandoned me because I was too much of a burden. I came to submit myself to your tender mercy.”

Carla had to smother a laugh when she saw his ears perk up a bit more at her word choice and he gulped.  Now to bring him into her clutches.

She wasn’t good at improvising songs on the spot, but she did have a seduction song memorized with a dance to boot. Her mother had taught her in case there was ever a time she needed to utilize her feminine charms. She made her practice until she had the song imbedded in her mind. Unfortunately she also heard that song a few times out of stealing context. The walls of their home were very thin and she had heard her mother sing it to her father.... she didn’t like to think about it too much.  

“I’m not as cut out for the malvago business as my parents wanted me to be, I guess.” She swung him around to a chair. “You see... My whole life I’ve wanted to be bad.”

Carla wished she was in something much sexier than a waitress outfit, but she supposed she could work with it. Letting a few straps here and there fall, a glimpse at her thigh. “But whenever I tried..The result was always sad.”

Ever so slowly she unwrapped her white apron from her waist, careful not to break eye contact with him as she pointedly trailed her fingers down the curve of her waist, “However, now I know

A certain beau

Who doesn't worry 'bout what'd decent or right.”

She leaned close to drop the apron on his lap, noting his stiffening posture, “So how 'bout now.

You teach me how

To be ruthless and cruel

Yeah! I'm ready tonight!”

Carla’s heart pounded as she began the dance that she had practiced so many times. But never had she done this when the stakes were this high nor with a target who was not a gawky, acne-ridden boy. “So strip away my conscience.

Peel away my values.”

Rip off my compassion with your teeth.”

Caressing his jawline, close enough so their breaths could be intermingled, Carla noted how how hard his jaw was and wondered if the rest of his body was the built the same way. If he did happen to take her up on what she was suggesting, she wouldn’t complain, “Pound away my morals.

Spank off all my kindness, ooh!

Expose the dormant bitch that lies beneath.”

Carla copied the husky tone she remembered her mother using when singing this song and began to get into the mood of it, her mind wandering off to scenarios where Gabe would play along with this, “You devil,

Lead me to the dark side

Like a lamb to the slaughter.

Then do me in a hot tub filled with evil 'stead of water.”

She straddled herself onto his lap and deeply kissed him. He seemed to instinctively go along with her lead, opening his mouth so their tongues could clash in a furious battle for dominance. Carla felt herself get a little lightheaded from lack of oxygen and pulled away to sing again. “Let’s make war not love all night and day

It's hot here in hell so...”

Carla guided his hands to feel up her breast which he did so with absolutely no feeling and an stoic poker face. That didn’t change the fact that upon seeing his hard eyes, her heart clenched as well as her legs. She could just imagine that same voice looking over her while his hands roamed her body doing unspeakable things...“Strip it all away.”

Carla shook her head and got off of him. Her mother had always warned her that the game of seduction was always the most dangerous one to play. Mixing arousal with the enemies can bring a whole lot of pain.

Carla took a deep inhale as she turned around, shaking her butt at him. She was not mixing any feelings with this. She was simply a little..okay maybe very turned on at the thought of this handsome guard touching her in ways that brought absolute ecstasy. It was only natural, she had needs. And with everyone getting their fair share of loving today, she wanted some too. “So tell me 'bout your sins

And shock me with their luridness

Let me be your pupil,”

With her head back in the game, Carla knelt between his knees and tried to look up at him with wink, “Let me choke on your cocksuredness.”

Gabe startled at her words, nearly tipping over his chair. Carla saw that despite the fact that his face was as red as tomato, he was trying hard not to appear turned on or bothered by her innuendos. Unlike a certain part of his anatomy that was as stiff as his sword. Time for her to amp it up a notch.

Carla flicked off her straps, allowing the dress to shimmy down to the shoulders. Enough for Gabe to get a glimpse of the top of her breasts. That broke his stern mask and he covered his eyes. “Strip away my conscience

Tear away my guilt.”

But even though he covered his face, Carla saw that he was curiously peeking between his fingers. She blew a kiss at him to show that she knew he was looking and started to feel up her breasts, “Kiss around my sense of right and wrong.

But not on it, it's sensitive.”

Seeing that didn’t get any noticeable reaction, Carla switched tactics and lifted her skirt a few inches before feeling up every inch of his broad chest. Using her nails she lightly felt the skin around her ears and he shuddered in response, “Baby it’s such foreplay When you slither like a moray (eel)

It’s worth the discomfort of my thong!

Carla gulped and her voice faded at the next line when she saw that they were once again at kissing distance. It would be too easy to rip open his shirt but she knew that would be crossing some sort of line. “Fifty shades of morally grey...” Her body felt like it running on a high fever. She felt flush, tingles ran up and down her arms, legs, spine and her legs were clenched so tightly together. It was like she had all this energy running inside her, trapped in her body and she wanted him to literally pound it out of her.

She felt this desire before but she had always been alone with her imagination. Not writhing on top of the man in question, not completely offering herself to him and him doing nothing.  It was kinda a blow to her ego. She knew he was turned on by her. He wasn’t exactly crossing his legs to hide the fact. Elena rejected him, he had no one. Why wasn’t he breaking to kiss her back.

“And thongs are so uncomfortable so..Strip it all away.” Carla gave one last desperate kiss filled with the desire, adrenaline and lust she had been feeling in that moment. A little part in the back of her mind screamed at her to forget about the mission. She had been focused on the mission and on the target all her life. Now she deserved a little fun. Why not lose her virginity to this guy? Finally see what it was like not to be all alone, but literally part of someone else who was infatuated with you and only you.

But no, she was so close to taking over the kingdom, she couldn’t.... But she wanted him so badly!

Gabe was the first one to pull away this time, and with one raised eyebrow he said in his domineering Captain of the Guard voice, “That was a cute song and dance. But it’s not happening Delgado.”

[dogmapod]

01 Falun Gong

Hey everyone, welcome to the show Dogma: A Podcast About Cults, I’m your host Denis Ricardo.

This show is about cults. The origins, practices and abuses of cults. So, if you are uncomfortable with descriptions of sexual, physical and mental violence and abuse, this is not the show for you.

I’m gonna try to keep it light and fun, but this stuff can get kind of dark… so you’ve been warned.

Today we’re gonna look into a cult by the name of Falun Gong. It’s one that not a lot of people have heard of, but are surprisingly very familiar with.

It’s a fairly young cult, not more than 27 years old. It began in 1992 in the northeast of China and was founded by a guy by the name of Li Hongzhi. I’m going to apologize on the pronunciation of some of these proper nouns, I am really bad at pronouncing the tones in Chinese languages.

The cult all began with Li Hongzhi running a public qigong seminar in the city of Changchun.

Qigong is an ancient Chinese practice of meditation and slow movement for the purpose of self-healing. It was and is still used in many Chinese communities as a form of alternative medicine.

The modern qigong movement started in the 1950s, shortly after the Cultural Revolution started by Mao Zedong.

Mao was a pretty hardline atheist, and believed that superstitious practices were not good for the advancement of China and communism. So, soldiers in Mao’s army adapted qigong to just be about meditation and focus, taking out all the of the spiritual elements of it. The practice was pretty popular and remains very common to this day.

Li felt a little differently about qigong, though. He feels as though the spiritual elements should be restored. So, he did just that.

Falun Gong was actually in the Chinese Communist Party’s favor, and initially saw it as a good movement. But they quickly changed their mind after they thought the movement was getting a little too independent. The Chinese government is notorious for monitoring the religious practices in China. So, in 1999 the Chinese Communist Party branded Falun Gong as heretical and began a massive propaganda campaign against the group. It mostly focused on negative articles in state-run press, which Falun Gong was quick to protest.

In April of 1999 10,000 Falun Gong protested outside a government compound in the capital Beijing demand that the government recognize them as a religious movement and stop persecuting them.

In China there are only 5 officially recognized religions because it is an atheist state. Those are Buddhism, Taoism, Catholicism, Protestantism and Islam.

Side note, just because I’m formerly Catholic,

China’s relationship with Catholicism kind of interesting, China does not recognize the power of the Holy See’s authority to appoint bishops. So Catholics in China aren’t “Roman” Catholic or “Orthodox” Catholics they’re “Chinese” Catholics. Their relationship is contentious, but China has granted the Pope the right to reject any of the Chinese appointed bishops.

But moving on… at this point, the leader of Falun Gong, Li, was already in New York at and he was getting the cult off the ground here in the US.

But things were pretty bad for Falun Gong practitioners in China.

Reports of forced re-education, extrajudicial executions, harvesting of organs and attacks by the Chinese police at the behest of the Communist Party against Falun Gong practitioners surfaced. But, it’s not the easiest to corroborate these claims, because neither Falun Gong or the CCP are necessarily the most upfront about their practices. The New York Times has said there has been at least 2000 deaths in 2009, though Falun Gong claims that number is nearly twice that. An independent investigator, Ethan Gutmann estimates there were at least 65,000 Falun Gong members killed for organs based off of interviews. Chinese authorities do not publish statistics of Falun Gong members killed or not killed.

OK, do some less depressing stuff, Falun Gong’s main practices.

Falun Gong is a blend of traditional Chinese beliefs, Taoism, Buddhism and Confucianism.

They have three central tenants of power Truthfulness (真, Zhēn)*, Compassion (善, Shàn)*, and Forbearance (忍, Rěn)*. Thank you, Google Translate. These are achieved through meditative exercise and performance.

*these words were reproduced with Google Translate pronouncing them

Falun Gong’s teachings say that everybody is innately good and divine, but that we have descended into darkness and accrued bad karma. Reincarnation is handled by different gods for different people and ultimately the goal is to be released from the cycle of samsara and to reach enlightenment.

This sounds pretty normal for an Asian religion like Buddhism. So far so good? [With hesitation in their voice] Yeah, it gets a little weirder.

Falun Gong emphasizes traditional Chinese teachings and disregards scientific claims like evolution. This also explains why they are vehemently against communism because it is not Chinese, it’s a European philosophy.

As I said before China is an atheist state, and typically Buddhists do not have an issue with evolution and Buddhism. I couldn’t find any numbers specifically citing the public acceptance of evolution in China, however. But I have found that it is taught in school like here in American coastal elite public schools without much of a hitch.

David Ownby, a professor at the Center of East Asian Studies at the University of Montreal interviewed the leader Li Hongzhi and said that Li claims there are 10,000 supernatural powers, such as clairvoyance, precognition, levitation and transmutation and these can be achieved by humans.

Li stated at a lecture in Australia that

“…homosexuality, organized crime and promiscuous sex are not the standards of being human.”

His stance on homosexuality lead to the rescinding of a Nobel Peace Prize nomination by San Franciscan legislators back in 2001.

Li and Falun Gong have also been criticized for their teaching of mixed-marriages. A New York Times article from 2001 states

“[Li] said interracial children are the spawn of the ‘Dharma Ending Period,' a Buddhist phrase that refers to an era of moral degeneration. […] he said each race has its own paradise, and he later told followers in Australia that, 'The yellow people, the white people, and the black people have corresponding races in heaven.’ As a result, he said, interracial children have no place in heaven without his intervention.”

Many practitioners of Falun Gong have denied this and have pointed out that many of its members are in mixed-race families.

But, let’s not forget the aliens.

So Li in general seems to be against most modern things. In a 1999 TIME Magazine interview in he said:

“The aliens have introduced modern machinery like computers and airplanes…everyone thinks that scientists invent on their own when in fact their inspiration is manipulated by the aliens. In terms of culture and spirit, they already control man…the ultimate purpose is to replace humans. If cloning human beings succeeds, the aliens can officially replace humans”

Li also thinks very highly of himself. The BBC, quote:

“…he is a being from a higher level who has come to help [mankind] from the destruction it could face as the result of rampant evil.”

Having a leader proclaim to know the way to save humanity is one of the signs that the leader’s group is a cult.

So, remember when I said that another one ways to get to their three central tenants was performance? Well, you know how they do it? By selling you $150 tickets to see the spectacle of 5000 years of traditional Chinese dance while listening to anti-atheist, anti-communist propaganda… it’s Shen Yun.

So apparently Shen Yun ads popping up everywhere is now a meme, but I’ve grown up in California all my life, and I swear I’ve been seeing these things since at least 2008. These things aren’t new to me. But I guess they’re finally getting to middle America, so people can joke about it.

I said before Falun Gong was anti-Communist and anti-evolution? Well, it shows up in the performance

Here’s a sample of lyrics from a song in the show called “Awaken”

"So long ago you came down to this world For millennia you have reincarnated here Fighting to get ahead, the true you has faded Self-interested actions have cost you your purity Atheism is a pack of lies The heresy of evolution now eclipses the Divine word Amidst disaster, people complain that the gods have forsaken us Do not use science to drive humanity toward danger You came to this world for salvation, your destiny To return to heaven is your soul's deepest wish You came to this world for salvation, your destiny To return to heaven is your destiny."

And, as I said before, the group is condemned by the Chinese government. The Chinese embassy made a post on their website, calling Falun Gong an anti-communist cult, that it undermines US-Chinese relations and that Shen Yun is a political tool for this cult and is anti-Chinese agitprop. This was all in English, and I find it a little weird they’d call it “agitprop” because that’s typically reserved for communist propaganda. So I found it a little strange.

But clearly this is also propaganda, it’s a statement by a government body, and all reports on its more outrageous beliefs are from western publications so there is a bias. But straight from the horse’s mouth is the anti-evolution message and we know that these performers don’t get paid.

In the end, it’s hard to classify this as a cult. It has cult-like elements, like surveillance by a government, a savior-leader. But it lacks a hierarchy and I could not find anyone who had left the movement and faced consequences for it, which are typically signs of a cult.

It’s got some very out-there, potentially dangerous beliefs, but is it a cult? [With hesitation in their voice) Personally, I’m gonna say yes, though I don’t think it necessarily ticks all those checkboxes, so maybe it can’t really be classified as a cult.

Now comes the fun part, where I get to beg you for money. I come to you hat in hand to maybe just consider throwing a dollar or two to my Patreon. I can’t offer much right now as far as donor rewards go, but I will try my best to give you access to episodes early and maybe some other fun side projects that I have available that are still loosely related to cults. That you so much if you decide to be ever so gracious.

Thanks so much for listening, that was the first episode. I will put all of my sources in the description. Most are from Wikipedia, but I checked to see if those sources were legit, so lay off me.

New time, we’re going to be focusing on a cult a little closer to home and maybe some of you remember this cult very vividly.

All right, take care and goodbye.

Citations:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Falun_Gong

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Falun_Gong

http://www.atheistrepublic.com/forums/atheist-hub/shen-yun

https://culteducation.com/group/1254-falun-gong/6922-is-falun-gong-a-cult.html

https://www.jewishpolicycenter.org/2010/11/30/china-conundrum/

http://faluninfo.net/category/persecution/killings/individual-cases-of-falun-gong-deaths/

https://www.amnesty.org/en/countries/

https://books.google.com/books?id=Bwqkwx4SWS0C&printsec=frontcover&dq=ownby+falun&client=firefox-a&cd=1#v=onepage&q&f=false

Song Credits:

“Frozen Jungle” and “Dreaming of You” by Monplaisir under the name Komiku (http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Komiku/)

“我们是毛主席的红卫兵 (We Are Chairman Mao’s Red Guard)” found at Songs of China’s Cultural Revolution (http://academics.wellesley.edu/Polisci/wj/China/CRSongs/crsongs.htm)

“Dies Irae” found on Archive.org (https://archive.org/details/GregorianChantMass

“Ride to the Party” by Monplaisir under the name Anonymous420 (https://chezmonplaisir.bandcamp.com/album/this-is-not-you)

Consider joining the Patreon!

[claudia1829things]

“THE JOURNEY OF AUGUST KING” (1995) Review

“THE JOURNEY OF AUGUST KING” (1995) Review

When the 1995 adaptation of John Ehle’s 1971 novel, “The Journey of August King” hit the theaters, it barely made a flicker in the consciousness of moviegoers. In a way, I could see why.

“THE JOURNEY OF AUGUST KING” begins with widowed farmer August King traveling through the hills of western North Carolina in the spring of 1815, after selling his produce, making a final payment on his land, and purchasing goods at the local markets. During his journey, he learns about a hunt for an escaped slave. August eventually comes across the slave – a 17 year-old girl named Annalees. Although he is unwilling to expose her to slave catchers and her owner, a brusque farmer named Olaf Singletary; August wants nothing to do with her. But Annalees, sensing a sympathetic soul, literally follows August’s wagon until she literally forces him to help her. For the next several days, August and Annalees engage in a tension-filled journey in an effort to dodge Singletary and his slave hunters . . . and fellow travelers, whose curiosity or friendliness threatened to expose August and his new travel companion.

Earlier, I had stated that I could understand why “THE JOURNEY OF AUGUST KING”barely made a flicker in the consciousness of moviegoers. One, the movie was based upon a novel that had been published 24 years earlier. And two, Miramax made little effort to publicize this ninety-minute film. I suspect the reason behind the lack of real publicity has to do with the film’s subject – American slavery. Aside from the recent movie, “DJANGO UNCHAINED”, the topic of U.S. slavery has not been that popular with moviegoers and television viewers in the past twenty years or so. I am not going to claim that “THE JOURNEY OF AUGUST KING” is a cinematic classic. But I do wish that Miramax had made a bigger effort to promote this film.

“THE JOURNEY OF AUGUST KING” had its flaws. There were times when the movie’s pacing threatened to crawl to a halt – especially in its second half hour. At the beginning of the movie, August claimed that it would take him at least three days to reach his farm. Yet, the journey to his farm and a nearby trail for escaped slaves seemed to take him and Annalees to reach. Perhaps this is not surprising. I also got the feeling that most of the characters traveling on that road – including August and Annalees – seemed to be traveling in circles. There were times when the pair seemed to be ahead of Singletary . . . and there were times when he seemed to be ahead of them. Very confusing. I only had one final complaint. Thandie Newton gave an excellent performance as Annalees in this movie. But . . . there were times I found her Southern slave girl accent a little exaggerated. I guess I should not have been surprised, considering that the actress hails from Britain.

Thankfully, “THE JOURNEY OF AUGUST KING” possessed a lot more virtues than flaws. Despite her occasionally shaky Southern accent, Newton gave a first-rate performance as the extroverted, yet desperate fugitive slave, who took the chance to recruit the reluctant white farmer to help her. And Jason Patric was brilliant as the cautious August King, suffering from loneliness following the death of his wife. The actor did an excellent job in conveying his character’s development from the farmer who allowed his compassion and loneliness to overcome his caution . . . and at the same time, maintain his quiet nature. More importantly, both Patric and Newton produced a sharp, yet slightly sensual screen chemistry. Larry Drake (from “DARKMAN” and NBC’s “L.A. LAW”) gave a subtle, yet frightening performance as Annalees’ relentless owner, who is determined to recapture her. The movie also boasted a solid supporting performance from Sam Waterston as August’s neighbor and a local lawman.

“THE JOURNEY OF AUGUST KING” had more to offer. One, it featured some solid direction by Andrew Duigan. Also, the movie was filmed in – where else? North Carolina. Not only did it looked beautiful, its beauty was enhanced by Slawomir Idziak’s sharp and colorful photography. Although I would not view the movie’s setting as an excuse to provide eye-catching costumes, I must admit that Patricia Norris did an excellent job in re-creating the styles of Early America Appalachia through her costume designs.

I was surprised to learn that author John Ehle wrote the movie’s screenplay. I am usually wary of novelists writing the screen adaptations of their own novels. They tend to overdo it with over-the-top dialogue or protracted pacing. Granted, a third of the movie did suffer from a slow pacing, but I feel that Ehle did an otherwise excellent job in translating his novel into a movie. I was especially impressed by his portrayal of both August and Annalees. As I had noted earlier, August’s character was very well developed, without the loss of his core nature. Some film critics have complained that Annalees was portrayed as a passive character. I never got that impression. Granted, August had to help her evade Singletary and his slave hunters. But critics seemed to forget that Annalees had more or less forced August to help her. More importantly, she steadfastly maintained her own sense of individuality – even to the point of reacting violently when she believed August was expressing sexual interest in her during the movie’s first half hour. Ehle also provided a good deal of action and tension – surprisingly so for a movie that is basically a character study.

With the success of “DJANGO UNCHAINED”, the Oscar winning movie, “12 YEARS A SLAVE” and the new television series, “UNDERGROUND”, I hope that more film fans would consider taking the time to view “THE JOURNEY OF AUGUST KING”. It has its flaws, but I feel that it is a rewarding character study of two people during a period that is considered dark during this country’s history.

[romancatholicreflections]

26th August >> Sunday Homilies and Reflections for Roman Catholics on the Twenty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year B.

21st Sunday in Ordinary Time - Year B

Twenty-First Sunday in Ordinary Time  

Gospel reading: John 6:60-69

vs.60  After hearing his doctrine many of the followers of Jesus said, “This is intolerable language. How could anyone accept it?” vs.61  Jesus was aware that his followers were complaining about it and said, “Does this upset you? vs.62  What if you should see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before? vs.63  It is the spirit that gives life, the flesh has nothing to offer. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life. vs.64  But there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus knew from the outset those who did not believe, and who it was that would betray him.

Following Christ always involves a calling.

vs.65  He went on, “This is why I told you that no one could come to me unless the Father allows him.” vs.66  After this, many of his disciples left him and stopped going with him. vs.67  Then Jesus said to the Twelve, “What about you, do you want to go away too?” vs.68  Simon Peter answered, “Lord, who shall we go to? You have the message of eternal life, vs.69  and we believe; we know that you are the Holy One of God.”

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We have four commentators available from whom you may wish to choose .

Michel DeVerteuil :A Trinidadian Holy Ghost Priest, director of the Centre of Biblical renewal . Thomas O’Loughlin:Prof,MRIA, FRHistS, FSA President of the Catholic Theological Association of Great Britain,Director Studia Traditionis Theologiae, Professor of Historical Theology University of Nottingham NG7 2RD Sean Goan:Studied scripture in Rome, Jerusalem and Chicago and teaches at Blackrock College and works with Le Chéile Donal Neary SJ:  Editor of The Sacred Heart Messenger and National Director of The Apostlship of Prayer.

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Michel DeVerteuil Lectio Divina with the Sunday Gospels www.columba.ie

Textual Comments

This is the final extract from chapter 6 of John’s gospel that the Church invites us to meditate on at this time. We have had three rather abstract passages and, no doubt, you will be relieved to find that we have a story again, just as we had at the opening of the chapter.

The story has several characters. In your meditation, listen carefully to yourself and you will find that you are reading the passage from the perspective of one of them; stay with that perspective so that you enter the story personally.

There is, first of all, Jesus, and you might like to focus on him as he relates with the other characters. Watch his inner freedom. Already in the account of the feeding we saw him sitting on the hillside allowing the people to come to him out of their own freedom. So, too, here he gives each group their space, those who reject him as well as the twelve – including the betrayer. He also tells us the secret of his inner freedom: he knows he is in his Father’s hands and no one can come to him unless the Father allows it. This inner freedom gives him space to see others clearly, so that he is not deceived by people.

Let your memories of great people who have touched your life confirm the truth of St John’s account of Jesus, and of course, let him reveal to you how God wishes to relate with us. Jesus’ words in verse 62 are difficult, but you might want to remain with them. “The Son of Man ascending to where he was before” probably refers to the painful journey through the passion which would test his followers to the utmost. Jesus, then, is the great leader who gives his followers a first test and judges whether they will survive the greater ones that lie ahead.

Every word of the great confession of Peter is important: the four statements are different aspects of the one deep commitment. What memories does this stir up in you?  Make sure not to be self-righteous as you read of those who rejected Jesus. They symbolize us when we find some demand of God difficult to accept. The use of the word “language” is significant. When our values go astray, we find the language of true believers alien to us.

The mention of the traitor might touch you. Judas is the symbol of the betrayal of Christian values that remains within every community and within each one of us.

Finally, there are the two sayings in verse 63 that are the kind of difficult sayings that occur several times in the chapter. As I have already urged you to do, be creative in your interpretation, asking yourself when you have experienced the truth of the sayings. “Flesh” here is whatever in our lives or in our Church lacks the true spirit of Jesus and therefore is not life-giving in the deepest sense. The second saying invites us to remember “words” that gave us life and to see how they could be considered “spirit”.

Prayer reflection

Lord, it sometimes happens that when we stand up for our values our companions stop going with us • because we will not discriminate against people of a different race; • because we refuse to give expressions of love that are not appropriate to a relationship; • because we criticize those in authority. Help us, Lord, when this happens, not to become bitter, not to give up our values, but to understand, as Jesus did, that we cannot force people to come to us and that a relationship will only develop if you allow it to.

Lord, we thank you for all the times in recent years when your Church has spoken out against injustice in different parts of the world, even when many of its members found this language intolerable and could not accept it.

Lord, we remember the time when we were upset because, for the first time, Jesus asked something hard of us. Now, looking back on it, we smile. What if we had known then how much is entailed in following him on his way to you?

Lord, we live at the surface of ourselves, and so we lack energy and creativity. Give us the grace to withdraw, from time to time, to the depths of ourselves. Only if we go to the level of the spirit can we really live.

Lord, many preachers are content to repeat what they have heard from others. We thank you for those whose words have been life to us because they speak from the depths of their experience.

Lord, forgive your Church that we take pride in our great achievements • the big numbers that attend our services • our influence with the rich and the powerful • our imposing buildings and prestigious institutions, forgetting that the flesh has nothing to offer. What will give life to the world is simplicity, truth, compassion, reverence for little people – all that we know to be the spirit of Jesus.

Lord, we thank you for the great moment when we knew we had made a life commitment • we met the person we should spend the rest of our life with • we gave our whole selves to a movement • we read the life of a great person and were never the same afterwards. We knew then that there was nowhere else for us to go; this was, for us, the way to eternal life. We believed and we knew that this was the Holy One of God. It was like that when people met Jesus.

Lord, to achieve anything worthwhile in life we have to take risks. We must go ahead and choose twelve, even though one of them eventually betrays us.

Lord, there was a time when we made a deep act of faith and became complacent. We thank you that you sent Jesus to us • a friend pointed out how self-righteous we had become • we fell into a sin we thought we had finished with. This was Jesus reminding us that the capacity to betray him is always part of us too.

Lord, send us leaders like Jesus who will proclaim their message, even if many of their followers find the language intolerable and impossible to accept; who will be free enough to turn even to their closest companions and say, “What about you, do you want to go away too?”.

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Thomas O’Loughlin Liturgical Resources for the Year of Matthew www.columba.ie

Introduction to the Celebration

Rather than give an introduction, say something like this: We are gathered here as sisters and brothers, members of the Body of Christ, so let us introduce ourselves to each other.

Gospel:

When the community hears this passage, be that the community listening to John thousands of years ago or the community who hear it read at the liturgy today, it is the intention that they identify themselves with the confession of Peter. They, the listeners, are those who have decided that they should go to Jesus — and there is no one else to go to; and they are those who believe that Jesus is the one with the message of eternal life; and that Jesus is the Holy One of God.

This text appears to be a challenge to those who are hearing the message of Jesus (just as Joshua appears as a challenge to the Israelites) and appears to be a situation: now you must choose: Jesus or not! However, in fact it is not a challenge as the assumption of John is that if you are listening to this, then you have already chosen. So, in reality, it is a statement of identity.

This fact about the narrative structure of both this first reading and this gospel has important consequences for preaching. It is all too easy to imagine that the preacher must now hold a challenge to the congregation: are you for Jesus? This is neither useful nor appropriate.It is not appropriate in that the community is there in Christ as baptised brothers and sisters, not some loose assemblage of people vaguely interested in what Jesus has to say. It is not useful in that it misses the point John wanted to make: know who you are, you are those who belong to the covenant, those who know that Jesus is the Bread of Life, the Holy One of God. Lastly, the natural unit of text extends to v 71 but the last two verses have been omitted, correctly, because (1) this heightens the dramatic effect of Peter’s confession, and (2) the last verses do not make sense when this passage is read as a lection in Mark’s Year.

Homily notes

1. Avoid making challenges! 2. Ask this question: Who are we as a people, what unites us, what draws us here, what makes us live the lives we do? 3. We are the community who assert with Peter that there is no one else, but Jesus, who has the message of eternal life. 4. We are the community who assert with Peter that Jesus is the Holy One of God. 5. Now let us stand up and state that formally in our profession of faith.

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Sean Goan Let the reader understand www.columba.ie

Gospel

We come now to the last extract from John’s gospel and the end of the discourse on the Bread of Life. It highlights a theme that began in chapter 5 of John and that is a growing opposition to and refusal to believe in Jesus. While earlier in the discourse it was the crowds who were having difficulty with Jesus’ presentation of himself as the bread of life, now it is his own disciples who are complaining that it is too much to expect them to accept what Jesus has said about himself. Jesus replies that what he is speaking about can only be understood through the work of the spirit, i.e. through the eyes of faith. Some find the challenge too much and cease to follow him and in response Jesus asks the twelve do they also wish to go away. Peter replies with a confession of faith that demonstrates that he (and they!) are beginning to grasp something of the revelation that Jesus brings. Because they believe then they know that he is indeed the Holy One of God.

Reflection

‘What about you, do you also want to go away? No-one can be press-ganged into discipleship and Jesus yet again puts the choice before us as we gather for our Sunday Eucharist. Why is there a crisis here? Is it because they cannot believe that Jesus can truly give of himself in the way he has described? Is faith in the Eucharist too much to ask for?Perhaps it is not so much an intellectual difficulty about how this can happen but rather an intuition about the far reaching implications of what he is saying. For in giving us himself he is asking us to forget about ourselves and maybe that is just too much. Yet Peter speaks for us all when he says: ‘Lord to whom shall we go? Nothing in the world with all its possibilities and attractions can nourish our hunger to love and be loved as completely as Jesus, our Bread of Life.

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Donal Neary SJ

Gospel Reflections

www.messenger.ie/bookshop/

Our Choices

 We remember big and small choices in life. Ones that effected life totally like a job, marriage, retirement, redundancy; having an operation or many more. Or Choices about the children that effected their lives – school, moving house, health issues.

Life is made up of many choices, big and small. Human, spiritual and religious choices.

Peter had this sort of choice today.  Would he go after Jesus or leave like others did.  He stayed and he would have many more attempts at that choice.  Why did he stay? Our choices come from something within us.   We need Christ within us if we are to follow him.

Peter had enough of love for Jesus inside him to make this choice,it might not always be easy and he would give in later but come back.  His choice eventually would be to answer Jesus’ question – do you love me?

The choice for Jesus is the choice for love.  In all sorts of ways. For those near at hand.  If you choose Jesus then the hunger of the world as well as the tears of a baby affects you.  What we do in love for others comes from the deepest part of life. We need to fill our lives with Christ to be able to share this love in big and small ways.

We need the company of other choosers.  The community of faith and of the church.  Peter says – to whom shall we go? We follow Christ together.

Let those words, ‘to whom shall I go, Lord’, echo in your prayer and talk to the Lord about how you feel. Lord we pray for support and strength in our following of you.

[mojput-mypath]

Good / Bad / No Middle

HRVATSKA VERZIJA ISPOD!

NAUGHTY, I AM, YES.

Being naughty is finally giving me a headache. I was so happy to arrive to a new level of directness, to the point it started coming back like a boomerang. You cannot do too much of nothing. I cannot remember exactly the reason for it, but for a few days there I lived in pure hatred. Pure evil and hatred were my constant companions. Watching people smile, saying nice things, was twisted in my eyes into a distorted world, where everything seemed so weird and ugly, like when you’re on acid (acid or trip=a hallucinogenic called LSD). Like a bad trip, everything became a botheration. It must have been Mercury Retrograde. In my personal chart, that planet is burned, retrograde and I was also in a small period of Mercury – three out of three indications that you will not be having a good time.

GOODY GOOD, SHE AND HE. WERE.

I want to tell you about empathy. About how I tend to feel other people’s pain and then I am pain. Every time that happens I usually know if the emotions are mine or from someone else. Depending on the intensity of other’s feelings, for sure. But, this is not about me. This is…to say that I have compassion, or rather I feel the pain of those close to me. People I feel closer to, the pain becomes stronger. This is difficult to utter, but I will have to. These are my feelings now: A great white soul has decided to go to another place. Maybe she got bored with us. Dasha. Dasha is a doggy. Chau and Samojed breed, if this is important to anyone. By the name of Dasha. She was an undivided part of my family for quite a few years. Long enough that I cannot remember the exact time when she showed up. She was here. She is here no longer.

Except Dasha, a few more people have gone. One such person is Dharma. Sova. He left me a bhajan (mantra song) that he played and loved to play, so I remember him. Often. How come that we spend such a sweet and short time together 6 years earlier to meet again suddenly and unexpectedly not so long ago? I don’t know. Do not ask.

Entire lives come and go, yet, the smallest moments are heavy as stone. When life gives you a good squeeze. When a brick flies in your direction. When you do not know where you are nor where you would even like to be, but you do know that where you are at is not where you have to be. Is this feeling always present? That this is not IT. Is this an eternal state, that nothing is ever as it should be?

Dharma & Daša

GOT ENLIGHTENED, AHA.

Yoga Vasistha (a part of a Veda, coming from India, something someone once wrote) starts off with Rama’s incessant complaining how everything sucks. First we’re babies, so we are not really aware of anything, then we go into teenage, which is especially disgusting, living the life of a hormonal monster. Then we become young adults, seemingly start getting something, but actually not. Then supposedly the best age comes. I am looking at people around me and it does not seem they’re so excited and happy, more like in a state of crisis. Then old age. You feel young, but you cannot get why things are not like they once were and you start panicking that you’ll die and how everything passes. That is all only one life. How many were there? How many more to come? Until when will this continue? Rama is complaining and complaining, and so am I. Later the sage Vasistha nicely explains him how nothing is real. The rest of the book is how everything is unreal and eternity is the only thing that exists. In short.

You thought I would not mention the Guru, did you? Did you secretly hope I will not be mentioning Him this time? This time he is not the author, but retells a story: two shepherds, one kind, the other less kind. The less kind one was sitting and wondering when he would get enlightened, so God sent him word that it would be in a couple of lives. The guy went berserk, lamenting on how all his meditation and efforts in this life were in vain… While the kind one was not even much interested, but God’s message had reached him, nonetheless. It stated that he would be enlightened after living as many more lives as there were leaves in one tree. He considered this to be really cool and started celebrating and dancing, went crazy. It is said he got enlightened there and then. Wise, huh? You can basically stick it with all this wise stuff, when even Rama felt all was in vain and boring and good for nothing, because one has not yet got enlightened. That shepherd had a great time, he was so relaxed. Did he arrive to this state of being so totally relaxed about life, or did this happen just like that? When that basic mathematics would actually be accurate (if…then…), that would have made me quite happy.

Like in the game “Black and White”, if you are naughty, the reward is less. But if you are goody good, the rewards are more useful, the process itself becomes more complex, asking for a greater investment. You can use the intellect and effort to solve the riddles and puzzles, or you can break everything down and go to the next task immediately. Just, the reward is less if you are naughty.

GOOD ALWAYS WINS?

So, two things. What does it really mean to be naughty? (This takes me back to the 4 years of a high-school subject called Ethics). And the 2nd thing is Karma, the always returning one. Karma. Everything you do, boomerangs back. What you reap, you shall sow. Yes, I keep getting my boomerang back, but others are getting their boomerang back through me. being naughty cannot be avoided.

1. Naughtiness is a relative term. Let us limit it to something I would call “allowed naughtiness”, expressed verbally or mentally (emotionally) and physically. Let us say that it is allowed to show displeasure and criticism verbally. Whichever tone of voice we use all of the above, depends of the person accepting the complaint, how they will take it in. Another factor is included here. Words are one, and another is the energy behind the words. (I keep having this nagging feeling that I am just going in circles with my egg/chicken, chiken/egg first, packed together with “All is relative”. That is how the day is going, that is how this period is going. Anything is possible!) Let’s move on to something a little more concrete: He says to Him: Come, come on time today, so we can finish on time as well. He turns to us and says: How can he be so impolite? What an attitude! He didn’t even say good morning, nothing! Such rudeness! Two people having a simple conversation turns into a complete misunderstanding of souls. Everyone else present felt the same sentence and approach were diametrically different: a kindly put, simple request. Have I already mentioned how everyone creates their own reality? What I wish to convey here is that person number 1 thought nothing malicious, and even the energy behind the request was benevolent. Person number 2 (Him) experienced the lack of an introduction and kinder words as an insult, a request as an order, and therefor had not even noticed the true softness in the energy behind the appearance.

2. Continuing on number 1. We perceive people and what they tell us differently in each next moment. In reality, we behave like mental hospital patients. Today you say one thing, and I perceive it as one thing. Tomorrow you say the same, and I perceive it in a completely different way. And on top of that, we demand of others to change THEIR behaviour! At the same time completely inconsistent in all we do and demand. We keep wasting our lives in debating spoken words, or what we assume the other person had thought, but not said at all. If I have the impulse to react to you in a certain way at a given time, I don’t know in what way it will be perceived. If I have good intentions, maybe you will not recognise it. Even if I have bad intentions, maybe you come over and give me a big compassionate hug? If I have done something bad in my past, and that has to boomerang back one way or the other – someone’s gotta be the executioner! Are you an evil person, just because destiny has chosen you to be the bloody executioner?

There is no third thing. There are a few more tiny things running in circles inside my little head. One of them is that there is no good or bad, only that what is. Did I just knock everyone out with this amazing epiphany? I truly have touched the universal truth of the entire existence, the universe and living beings in it. To repeat it: There is only what is. Now you know. I know this is the truth, as it comes from the very depth of my existence, the most intuitive corner of Me, and now I am sharing this with You. You must feel special now, privileged, enlightened? Me to!

Now, seriously. There is such a thing as bad behaviour, whether on purpose, or not, but it depends on the receiver (the victim of the naughtiness), how they will receive it. It depends on the scale of naughtiness the individual carries along. Therefore, no one is bad to me, nor am I bad to anyone! That is my ethically-logical conclusion of the day!

THE MUNDANE

Except all of the above, strictly speaking in an earthly more, I had a short sick-leave, too much of screen-staring. I still don’t really know how to balance between what I like to do, but tires me, and what I do to feel charged and rested. I spent my sick-leave staring at the ceiling, sleeping and listening to all sorts of stuff, as I was unable to even peek at screens

After having slept like a baby, day and night, I am feeling much better. The headache that carried the pain as powerful as a sonic boom must be, is gone. Why would I have such a headache? Because my digestive system is weak. And why is it weak? Because I am constricting myself. Unbelievable how much this entire stomach and abdominal area is stiff, trapped and contracted. How my digestion has deteriorated in the last half-year. Am I alright? What is the emotional reason behind all this stiffness? Will I manage to save myself? Will someone be able to cure me?

Read about it in the next episode about Passion of Gordana. Because this is my life. A Great Passion. And Great Dispassion. One, then the other, in constant alteration.

Enjoy the snow!

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ZLOĆKA, TO SAM, DA.

Zloćko me došao glave. Toliko sam se veselila tom novo-postignutom nivou direktnosti, koji me došao glave. Ne može ništa u prevelikim količinama. Ne znam što je točno bilo povod, ali nedavno me nekoliko cijelih dana prao hejt. Čisto zlo i mržnja me obuzeli. Gledam ljude kako se smiju, kako govore lijepe stvari, a čujem i vidim distorzirani svijet, u kojem je sve izobličeno i kao na tripu (trip=halucinogena droga zvana LSD). Kao na lošem tripu, kad ti sve smeta i loše je. Mora da je to bio taj Retrogradni Merkur. Kod mene osobno kao planeta u horoskopu spaljen, i retrogradan, te također i mali period merkura – sve tri indikacije da će te merkur opaliti po nosu krasnom, ako te to zanima.

DOBRICA, ONA i ON SU. BILI.

Želim pisati o empatiji. O tome kako osjećam tuđu bol, i onda bolim. Svaki puta kad se to dogodi, obično znam jesu li to izvorno moji osjećaji, ili tuđi. Ovisi o intenzitetu tuđih osjećaja, svakako. No, ovo nije o meni. Ovo je…za reći da suosjećam ili pače, osjećam tuđu bol, kada su mi bića bliska. Bliska bol i bliski ljudi. Teško je samo to reći. Ali morat ću. Ovo su sada moji osjećaji: bijelo klupko mira i lagodne sreće nije više s nama. Velika bijela dušica je odlučila otići negdje drugdje. Možda smo joj dosadili. Daši. Daša je pas. Pasmine Chau i Samojed, ako je to ikome važno. Imena Daša. Bila u milosti i nemilosti moje obitelji dugi niz godina. Dovoljno dugo da se ni ne sjećam kada se pojavila. Bila je tu. Sad više nije.

Osim Daše, još par ljudi nema više. Bar ne u obliku u kojem sam ih ja poznavala. Jedan takav čovjek je Dharma. Sova. Ostavio mi je jedan bhajan (pjesma s mantrama) koji je svirao i volio pjevati, pa ga se sjetim. Često. Kako to da smo se kratko i slatko družili 6 godina ranije i onda iznenada ponovno i dosta kratko, no intenzivno, samo par mjeseci prije nego je odlučio otići iz meni poznatog svijeta? Ne znam. Ne pitaj me.

I tako životi dolaze i odlaze, a nama mali trenuci teški k'o teret jedne oveće klade. Kad ti život stisne glavu. Cigla kad te zvizne. Kad ne znaš gdje si i gdje bi želio biti, ali znaš da tu gdje jesi – nije to. Jel' uvijek taj osjećaj da nije to to? Jel' to vječna stavka, da ništa nije ono što bi trebalo biti?

PROSVIJETLIH SE, AHA.

Yoga Vasistha (dio jedne Vede, potekle iz Indije, ono što je tamo netko pis'o) počinje s tim da se mali Rama tužaka kako ništa ne valja. I kako je cijeli svijet teško nje-sra. Prvo smo bebe, pa ništa ne kužimo, onda smo tinejdžeri, a to je božemesačuvaj, hormonalna čudovišta. Onda smo kao mladi odrasli ljudi, tek tada ništa ne kužimo, onda k'o fol najbolje godine. Gledam ljude oko sebe, i ne djeluje mi baš da su najbolje, više bih rekla da djeluju krizno. A onda starost. Osjećaš se mlado, a ne kužiš zašto stvari nisu kao što su nekad bilo i krene te hvatat panika od smrti i prolaznosti svega. To je samo jedan život. Koliko ih je bilo? Koliko će ih još biti? Dokad tako? Žali se Rama, žalim se i ja. Poslije njemu svetac Vasistha sve lijepo objasni, kako ništa ne postoji. Ostatak knjige je većinom o tome kako je sve nestvarno, i samo je vječnost ono što jest. Ukratko.

E da ti ne bi propustila spomenuti Gurua! Jesi se malo ponadala/ponadao da neće biti njega ovaj put? Ali ovaj put nije on rekao, već prepričao pričicu: dva pastira, jedan zgodan, drugi nezgodan. Ovaj nezgodni se pitao kad će se više prosvijetlit i javi njemu Bog: ono, nakon još par života. Ovaj poludi, ajme meni i kuku lele, zar sav moj trud i meditacija u ovom životu uzalud? Dok zgodnog nije ni zanimalo, ali nekako je došla do njega poruka: Bog mu je poručio da će se prosvijetlit nakon što proživi još života koliko je lišća na jednom stablu. Njemu to bilo super, pa počeo slavit, plesat, razludio. Kažu da se tog trena prosvijetlio. Eto, mudro, a? A džaba ti to sve mudro, kad ti je ko Rami sve uzalud i bezze i dosadno, jer se nisi još prosvijetlio. Super je tom pastiru, kad je bio opušten. Jel' on došao do tog stanja potpune opuštenosti sam ili mu se samo desilo? Kad bi ta osnovna matematika (ako….onda….) šljakala, to bi me razveselilo.

Kao u igrici 'Black and White', ako si zločest, nagrade su manje, ako si dobar, nagrade su zanimljivije, korisnije, i sam proces je kompleksniji, iziskuje veće ulaganje. Možeš razriješiti zagonetku intelektom i trudom, ili možeš sve razrušiti i doći na sljedeći nivo odmah. Samo. Nagrada je manja kad si zločest.

DOBRO UVIJEK POBJEĐUJE

Dakle, dvije stvari: Što to uopće znači biti zločest? Što je to točno zločesto ponašanje? (ovo me podsjeća na sve četiri godine predmeta Etike iz srednje škole). I druga stvar je – milo za drago? Karmetina. Sve se vraća – sve se plaća. Jest da se meni vraća i plaća, a također jest da se i kroz mene vraća drugima što se njima treba vratiti. Zločestoća je neizbježna.

1. Zločestoća je relativan pojam. Ajmo se ograničiti na nešto što ću proizvoljno označiti kao „dozvoljena zločestoća“. Izražena verbalno tj. mentalno (emocionalno) i fizički. Recimo da je verbalno dozvoljeno iskazati negodovanje, nezadovoljstvo, kritiku i tako dalje. Isključimo ružno neosnovano vrijeđanje za sada. Kojim god tonom izrazimo sve ovo gore navedeno, ovisno o tome tko kada prima verbalnu primjedbu, kako će je primiti. Još je jedan faktor. Riječi su jedno, a energija iza riječi je nešto sasvim drugo. (Cijelo vrijeme imam podmukli osjećaj da samo pričam meljem bezveze, izmjenjujući priču jaje/kokoš, kokoš/jaje upakirano sa „sve je to relativno“. Takav mi je dan, takav mi je period. Sve je moguće!) 

Ajmo na malo konkretnije, da bude lakše: Kaže on Njemu: Ajde dođi danas na vrijeme, da završimo na vrijeme. Kaže On nama na to: Kakav mu je to nastup? Kako je samo nepristojan! Ni dobar dan, ni molim te. Bezobrazluk! Dakle, dvoje ljudi razgovara, to je sasvim jasno. Jedan kaže rečenicu. Drugi doživi rečenicu na gore navedeni način (Bezobrazluk!). Svi drugi dožive rečenicu na dijametralno suprotni način, kao najobičniju, uljudno iskazanu uputu. Jesam li već spomenula da svatko kreira svoju stvarnost. Ono što želim napokon reći jest to da osoba 1 nije mislila apsolutno ništa loše, i čak je energija iza riječi bila sasvim benevolentna. Osoba 2 (On) je doživjela nedostatak uljudnih riječi kao uvredu, zamolbu kao naredbu, i nije zbog toga osjetila stvarnu mekoću iza riječi.

2.     Nadovezano na 1. Doživimo ljude i ono što nam kažu u svakom trenutku drugačije. Zapravo se svi ponašamo kao pacijenti bolnica za mentalne smetnje. Danas mi kažeš jedno, ja doživim na jedan način. Sutra mi opet kažeš jedno, a ja doživim na dvadeseti način. I onda još tražimo ljude da isprave SVOJE ponašanje! Dok smo sami potpuno nedosljedni u svemu što radimo i tražimo.  Provodimo živote svađajući se oko izgovorenih riječi, onoga što pretpostavljamo da je druga osoba mislila, a nije uopće rekla i slično tome. Ako sam ja ponukana da reagiram na tebe na određeni način u određenom trenutku, nemam blage veze kako će tebe to dotaknuti. Ako imam dobre namjere, možda me zauzvrat upravo napadneš. Ako imam ružne namjere, možda me požališ i zagrliš? Ako sam ja u svojoj prošlosti učinila nešto loše i to mi se ima vratiti, netko mora biti krvnik! Jesi li ti zločesta osoba samo zato jer te sudbina odabrala da odradiš ulogu krvnika?

Nema trećeg. Ima još par stvari koje mi se vrte po glavi ovih dana. Jedno od tih je da nema dobrog i lošeg, ima samo ono što jest. Jesam ga sad odvalila, ha? Baš sam pogodila univerzalnu istinu cijelog postojanja, svemira i svih bića u njemu. Da se ponovim: Ima samo ono što jest. Sad ti je sve jasno. Ma znam da je, kad to dolazi iz najintuitivnijeg kutka mog postojanja. I sada to dijelim s Tobom. Mora da se osjećaš privilegirano, posebno…prosvijetljeno? I ja!

Sad za fakat. Postoji loše ponašanje, bilo namjerno ili nenamjerno, ali ovisno o osobi koja je žrtva zločestoće, kako će primiti to ponašanje. Po mjerilima osobe koja je primatelj će se mjeriti visina razine zločestoće. Zato nitko nije prema meni zločest, niti sam ja prema ikome zločesta! E, to ti je sad najbolji etičko-logički zaključak ikad.

ZEMALJSKA DOGAĐANJA

Osim toga, ovako zemaljski: bila sam na kratkom bolovanju, jer sam se prenaglila s buljenjem u ekran. Još ne znam baš kontrolirati koliko radim onoga što me veseli, ali i umara, a koliko, proporcionalno tome, radim stvari koje me odmaraju i pune. Bolovanje sam provela buljeći u strop, spavajući i slušajući svašta, jer nisam mogla skoro uopće buljiti u ekran.

Naspavala sam se kao bebica, i sad sam puno bolje. Glava me više ne boli bolju koju bih mogla usporediti sa silinom probijanja zvučnog zida. E, a zašto me boli glava? Jer mi ne radi probava. A zašto mi ne radi probava? Jer sam se stisnula u se. Nevjerojatno koliko mi je cijeli taj predio trbušne šupljine ukočen, zaustavljen, stisnut. Koliko mi je probava pogoršala u zadnjih pola godine. Jesam li dobro? Koji je emocionalni razlog moje stisnutosti? Hoću li se uspjeti spasiti? Hoće li me netko izliječiti?

Pročitajte u slijedećoj epizodi Muke po Gordani. Jer to je moj život. Jedna Velika Muka. I Jedno Veliko Olakšanje. Jedno, pa drugo u neprekidnoj mijeni.

Uživaj u snijegu!

[tpanan]

My Wednesday Daily Blessings

August 22, 2018

Be still quiet your heart and mind, the LORD is here, loving you talking to you...........

Memorial of the Queenship of the Blessed Virgin Mary (Catholic Observance)

Lectionary: 421

First Reading: Ezekiel 34: 1-11

The word of the Lord came to me: Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel, in these words prophesy to them to the shepherds: Thus says the Lord GOD: Woe to the shepherds of Israel who have been pasturing themselves! Should not shepherds, rather, pasture sheep? You have fed off their milk, worn their wool, and slaughtered the fatlings, but the sheep you have not pastured. You did not strengthen the weak nor heal the sick nor bind up the injured. You did not bring back the strayed nor seek the lost, but you lorded it over them harshly and brutally. So they were scattered for the lack of a shepherd, and became food for all the wild beasts. My sheep were scattered and wandered over all the mountains and high hills; my sheep were scattered over the whole earth,with no one to look after them or to search for them.

Therefore, shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: As I live, says the Lord GOD, because my sheep have been given over to pillage, and because my sheep have become food for every wild beast, for lack of a shepherd; because my shepherds did not look after my sheep, but pastured themselves and did not pasture my sheep; because of this, shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: Thus says the Lord GOD: I swear I am coming against these shepherds. I will claim my sheep from them and put a stop to their shepherding my sheep so that they may no longer pasture themselves. I will save my sheep,  that they may no longer be food for their mouths. For thus says the Lord GOD:  I myself will look after and tend my sheep.

Responsorial Psalm: Psalm 23: 1-3a, 3b-4, 5, 6

"The LORD is my shepherd; there is nothing I shall want."

Verse before the Gospel: Hebrew 4: 12

Alleluia, Alleluia

"The word of God is living and effective, able to discern the reflections and thoughts of the heart."

Alleluia, Alleluia

Gospel Reading: Matthew 20: 1-16

Jesus told his disciples this parable: "The Kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out at dawn to hire laborers for his vineyard. After agreeing with them for the usual daily wage, he sent them into his vineyard. Going out about nine o'clock, he saw others standing idle in the marketplace, and he said to them, 'You too go into my vineyard, and I will give you what is just.' So they went off.  And he went out again around noon, and around three o'clock, and did likewise. Going out about five o'clock, he found others standing around, and said to them, 'Why do you stand here idle all day?' They answered, 'Because no one has hired us.' He said to them, 'You too go into my vineyard.' When it was evening the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, 'Summon the laborers and give them their pay,beginning with the last and ending with the first.' When those who had started about five o'clock came, each received the usual daily wage. So when the first came, they thought that they would receive more, but each of them also got the usual wage. And on receiving it they grumbled against the landowner, saying, 'These last ones worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us, who bore the day's burden and the heat.' He said to one of them in reply, "My friend, I am not cheating you. Did you not agree with me for the usual daily wage?

Take what is yours and go. What if I wish to give this last one the same as you? Or am I not free to do as I wish with my own money? Are you envious because I am generous?' Thus, the last will be first, and the first will be last."

**Meditation:

What can work and wages, welfare and the unemployed tell us about the kingdom of God? In the parable of the laborers in the vineyard we see the extraordinary generosity and compassion of God (Matthew 20:1-16). There is great tragedy in unemployment, the loss of work, and the inability to earn enough to live and support oneself or one's family. In Jesus' times laborers had to wait each day in the marketplace until someone hired them for a day's job. No work that day usually meant no food on the family table. The laborers who worked all day and received their payment complain that the master pays the late afternoon laborers the same wage. The master, undoubtedly, hired them in the late afternoon so they wouldn't go home payless and hungry.

God is generous and gives us work for his kingdom God is generous in opening the doors of his kingdom to all who will enter, both those who have labored a life-time for him and those who come at the last hour. While the reward is the same, the motive for one's labor can make all the difference. Some work only for reward. They will only put in as much effort as they think they will get back. Others labor out of love and joy for the opportunity to work and to serve others. The Lord Jesus calls each one of us to serve God and his kingdom with joy and zeal and to serve our neighbor with a generous spirit as well.

Empowered to serve with a joyful and generous spirit The Lord Jesus wants to fill each one of us with the power and strength of the Holy Spirit so we can bear great fruit for God's kingdom (the fruit of peace, joy, righteousness, and love) and also bring the fruit of his kingdom to our neighbor as well. We labor for the Lord to bring him praise, honor, and glory. And we labor for our neighbor for their welfare with the same spirit of loving-kindness and compassion which the Lord has shown to us.

Paul the Apostle reminds us, "Whatever your task, work heartily, as serving the Lord and not others, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward - you are serving the Lord Christ" (Colossians 3:23-24). Do you perform your daily tasks and responsibilities with cheerfulness and diligence for the Lord's sake? And do you give generously to others, especially to those in need of your care and support?

**Prayer:                                                                                                                            

"Lord Jesus,fill me with your Holy Spirit that I may serve you joyfully and serve my neighbor willingly with a generous heart, not looking for how much I can get, but rather looking for how much I can give."

Sources:

Lectionary for Mass for Use in the Dioceses of the United States, second typical edition, Copyright © 2001, 1998, 1997, 1986, 1970 Confraternity of Christian Doctrine; Psalm refrain © 1968, 1981, 1997, International Committee on English in the Liturgy, Inc. All rights reserved. Neither this work nor any part of it may be reproduced, distributed, performed or displayed in any medium, including electronic or digital, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

**Meditations may be freely reprinted for non-commercial use - please cite: copyright (c) 2018 Servants of the Word, source: www.dailyscripture.net, author Don Schwager

[euroman1945-blog]

The Daily Tulip

The Daily Tulip – News From Around The World

Wednesday 15th August 2018

Good Morning Gentle Reader….  Even though it’s a clear sky this morning, it feels humid, or “Sticky” as my Mother used to say, Bella agrees as she does an impression of a cartoon dog with her tongue having almost to the floor, but we will not complain, we are out together walking sharing the start of the day with each other.. as we pass the church I notice two ladies dressed in black, waiting at the door for the priest to let them in, looks like another member of the dwindling congregation had crossed the great divide, and as if to confirm my thoughts the great bell in the steeple starts to toll…..

TOUR DE FRANCE WINNER JAN ULLRICH HELD FOR 'PROSTITUTE ASSAULT'…. Tour de France-winning cyclist Jan Ullrich has been arrested for allegedly assaulting a prostitute in Frankfurt. "He is in police custody," a police spokesman told AFP news agency, adding that the German national "was under the influence of alcohol and drugs". The 44-year-old won the race in 1997. He was also arrested the previous Friday in Majorca after reportedly jumping over a neighbour's fence and making threats. Mr Ullrich said he was only trying to talk to his neighbour. The neighbour was revealed to be German actor and director Til Schweiger, who starred in Quentin Tarrantino's Inglourious Basterds. He told local media he would not be pressing charges against his former "good friend", but a restraining order was issued. The latest incident happened in a luxury hotel. Police said he argued with an "escort lady" and "physically attacked and injured her". German news site Spiegel said his lawyer did not respond to a request for comment.

RISE IN WOLF ATTACKS ALARMS DUTCH SHEEP FARMERS…. Dutch sheep farmers are worried that a sharp rise in wolf attacks may force them to install expensive electric fencing to protect their flocks. In the first half of this year wolves killed 138 sheep in the Netherlands, but the total for 2017 was less than 20, a wolf expert told the BBC. It is a new problem for the Dutch - March 2015 was the first time for 150 years that a wolf had been confirmed roaming in the Netherlands. Maurice La Haye, a biologist at the Dutch Mammal Society, said: "It's very difficult to protect against a lone wolf - you can place electric fences round the sheep, but it's expensive." He told the BBC that young lone wolves looking for mates were entering the country from Germany, expanding their territory and posing a risk to farmers. But the threat has to be seen in perspective. He pointed out that the Netherlands has about 800,000 sheep, and dogs kill as many as 13,000 every year. Wolf attacks can be very distressing for farmers, however. It has just been confirmed that one wolf in June killed 12 sheep and savaged 14 others, which had to be put down. So the farmer, in Lierderholthuis near Zwolle in the eastern Netherlands, lost 26 sheep because of one wolf. The DNA result confirming it was a wolf came back only this week.

COWS ALLOWED TO VISIT SWEDISH NUDIST BEACHES IN HEATWAVE…. Cows are common sights on some European beaches, but Swedish nudist bathers in the south aren't happy. The government in southern Sweden have granted permission for cows to visit nudist beaches during the prolonged summer heatwave, despite complaints from locals, it's reported. According to The Local news website, nudists have been complaining to officials in provincial Smaland about livestock visiting their beaches, saying that their presence is "unhygienic and could pose a health risk". It says the roasting summer heat affecting much of continental Europe has led to drought throughout the country, and has meant that farmers have been struggling to feed their animals. This has meant that some farmers have decided to slaughter their cattle earlier than usual; but others have instead decided to bring their livestock to nearby nudist beaches, in order to cool them down, public broadcaster SVT reports. "When it's this dry, you don't want cows to be brought to slaughter out of necessity. They need to be able to bathe, eat and drink," municipal official Peter Bengtsson says. Complaints from bathers have led to municipal Vaxjo's Culture and Leisure Department taking a vote on whether the cattle were ok to visit, and have ruled they "have just as much right to be there as the human visitors".

PRESIDENTIAL REGALIA STOLEN FROM CAR IN BOLIVIA…. Bolivia's historic presidential medal and sash have been stolen from a car parked in a red light district in the city of El Alto. A military officer said he had left the historic emblems in a rucksack in his car, while on his way to the airport. The bag was later found by police in a local church after a tip-off. The gold medal is studded with emeralds and dates to the country's foundation in 1825, when it was presented to national hero Simón Bolívar. Quoted by AFP news agency, former Bolivian President Carlos Mesa compared the crime to "the theft of the crown of Queen Elizabeth II of England". President Evo Morales was due to wear the emblems at the annual celebration of the armed forces on Wednesday but appeared without them. The officer in question had made his way to El Alto airport, west of the capital La Paz, in order to fly to Cochabamba to give them to Mr Morales. However, the officer missed his flight and the items disappeared while he waited for his rescheduled departure. When he returned to his car, he found the rucksack was gone. The guard has been arrested and an investigation is under way, the country's defence ministry says. Containing 22-carat gold and almost 200 years old, the medal is usually kept with the sash in the vault at the Bank of Bolivia. The items are only taken out for ceremonial use.

BULGARIAN COW SAVED FROM SLAUGHTER AFTER STRAYING OVER EU BORDER…. A pregnant Bulgarian cow which was facing imminent slaughter has been saved, according to the Conservative MEP who waded into the diplomatic row. Penka was due to be put down after straying to non-EU member state Serbia. Bulgarian officials said strict EU importation rules meant the animal had to be destroyed. John Flack, who represents the East of England and lives in Swaffham, said: "I'm delighted common sense and compassion have prevailed." "I'm thrilled that Penka and her unborn calf have been spared this cruelty." Penka had wandered away from her herd and crossed a nearby border into Serbia. Although she was returned to the farm fit and well, a "super strict" reading of EU health regulations for animals brought into the EU was applied, Mr Flack said. Under EU rules, bovine animals must be accompanied by a veterinary health certificate upon entry, detailing "requirements in relation to BSE". Mr Flack wrote to European Parliament President Antonio Tajani, and Bulgarian Prime Minister Boyko Borissov to stop what he called "a travesty of justice". Penka was placed in quarantine and on Monday the Bulgarian Food Safety Authority said it had given her a clean bill of health and removed the death sentence. Mr Flack said: "The original decision lacked all humanity and sensible judgment. "I am so pleased that things have been reconsidered and a kinder approach is being taken. "Sadly, animals face deplorable treatment every day all over the world, but if just one blatant wrong can be righted, then it is worthwhile having a go."

Well Gentle Reader I hope you enjoyed our look at the news from around the world this, morning… …

Our Tulips today are such a lovely combination of Blue and White...

A Sincere Thank You for your company and Thank You for your likes and comments I love them and always try to reply, so please keep them coming, it's always good fun, As is my custom, I will go and get myself another mug of "Colombian" Coffee and wish you a safe Wednesday 15th August 2018 from my home on the southern coast of Spain, where the blue waters of the Alboran Sea washes the coast of Africa and Europe and the smell of the night blooming Jasmine and Honeysuckle fills the air…and a crazy old guy and his dog Bella go out for a walk at 4:00 am…on the streets of Estepona…

All good stuff....But remember it’s a dangerous world we live in

Be safe out there…

Robert McAngus #Spain #Tulips #Travel #News #Blog

[dogmapod]

01 Falun Gong

Hey everyone, welcome to the show Dogma: A Podcast About Cults, I’m your host Denis Ricardo.

This show is about cults. The origins, practices and abuses of cults. So, if you are uncomfortable with descriptions of sexual, physical and mental violence and abuse, this is not the show for you.

I’m gonna try to keep it light and fun, but this stuff can get kind of dark… so you’ve been warned.

Today we’re gonna look into a cult by the name of Falun Gong. It’s one that not a lot of people have heard of, but are surprisingly very familiar with.

It’s a fairly young cult, not more than 27 years old. It began in 1992 in the northeast of China and was founded by a guy by the name of Li Hongzhi. I’m going to apologize on the pronunciation of some of these proper nouns, I am really bad at pronouncing the tones in Chinese languages.

The cult all began with Li Hongzhi running a public qigong seminar in the city of Changchun.

Qigong is an ancient Chinese practice of meditation and slow movement for the purpose of self-healing. It was and is still used in many Chinese communities as a form of alternative medicine.

The modern qigong movement started in the 1950s, shortly after the Cultural Revolution started by Mao Zedong.

Mao was a pretty hardline atheist, and believed that superstitious practices were not good for the advancement of China and communism. So, soldiers in Mao’s army adapted qigong to just be about meditation and focus, taking out all the of the spiritual elements of it. The practice was pretty popular and remains very common to this day.

Li felt a little differently about qigong, though. He feels as though the spiritual elements should be restored. So, he did just that.

Falun Gong was actually in the Chinese Communist Party’s favor, and initially saw it as a good movement. But they quickly changed their mind after they thought the movement was getting a little too independent. The Chinese government is notorious for monitoring the religious practices in China. So, in 1999 the Chinese Communist Party branded Falun Gong as heretical and began a massive propaganda campaign against the group. It mostly focused on negative articles in state-run press, which Falun Gong was quick to protest.

In April of 1999 10,000 Falun Gong protested outside a government compound in the capital Beijing demand that the government recognize them as a religious movement and stop persecuting them.

In China there are only 5 officially recognized religions because it is an atheist state. Those are Buddhism, Taoism, Catholicism, Protestantism and Islam.

Side note, just because I’m formerly Catholic,

China’s relationship with Catholicism kind of interesting, China does not recognize the power of the Holy See’s authority to appoint bishops. So Catholics in China aren’t “Roman” Catholic or “Orthodox” Catholics they’re “Chinese” Catholics. Their relationship is contentious, but China has granted the Pope the right to reject any of the Chinese appointed bishops.

But moving on… at this point, the leader of Falun Gong, Li, was already in New York at and he was getting the cult off the ground here in the US.

But things were pretty bad for Falun Gong practitioners in China.

Reports of forced re-education, extrajudicial executions, harvesting of organs and attacks by the Chinese police at the behest of the Communist Party against Falun Gong practitioners surfaced. But, it’s not the easiest to corroborate these claims, because neither Falun Gong or the CCP are necessarily the most upfront about their practices. The New York Times has said there has been at least 2000 deaths in 2009, though Falun Gong claims that number is nearly twice that. An independent investigator, Ethan Gutmann estimates there were at least 65,000 Falun Gong members killed for organs based off of interviews. Chinese authorities do not publish statistics of Falun Gong members killed or not killed.

OK, do some less depressing stuff, Falun Gong’s main practices.

Falun Gong is a blend of traditional Chinese beliefs, Taoism, Buddhism and Confucianism.

They have three central tenants of power Truthfulness (真, Zhēn)*, Compassion (善, Shàn)*, and Forbearance (忍, Rěn)*. Thank you, Google Translate. These are achieved through meditative exercise and performance.

*these words were reproduced with Google Translate pronouncing them

Falun Gong’s teachings say that everybody is innately good and divine, but that we have descended into darkness and accrued bad karma. Reincarnation is handled by different gods for different people and ultimately the goal is to be released from the cycle of samsara and to reach enlightenment.

This sounds pretty normal for an Asian religion like Buddhism. So far so good? [With hesitation in their voice] Yeah, it gets a little weirder.

Falun Gong emphasizes traditional Chinese teachings and disregards scientific claims like evolution. This also explains why they are vehemently against communism because it is not Chinese, it’s a European philosophy.

As I said before China is an atheist state, and typically Buddhists do not have an issue with evolution and Buddhism. I couldn’t find any numbers specifically citing the public acceptance of evolution in China, however. But I have found that it is taught in school like here in American coastal elite public schools without much of a hitch.

David Ownby, a professor at the Center of East Asian Studies at the University of Montreal interviewed the leader Li Hongzhi and said that Li claims there are 10,000 supernatural powers, such as clairvoyance, precognition, levitation and transmutation and these can be achieved by humans.

Li stated at a lecture in Australia that

“…homosexuality, organized crime and promiscuous sex are not the standards of being human.”

His stance on homosexuality lead to the rescinding of a Nobel Peace Prize nomination by San Franciscan legislators back in 2001.

Li and Falun Gong have also been criticized for their teaching of mixed-marriages. A New York Times article from 2001 states

“[Li] said interracial children are the spawn of the ‘Dharma Ending Period,' a Buddhist phrase that refers to an era of moral degeneration. […] he said each race has its own paradise, and he later told followers in Australia that, 'The yellow people, the white people, and the black people have corresponding races in heaven.’ As a result, he said, interracial children have no place in heaven without his intervention.”

Many practitioners of Falun Gong have denied this and have pointed out that many of its members are in mixed-race families.

But, let’s not forget the aliens.

So Li in general seems to be against most modern things. In a 1999 TIME Magazine interview in he said:

“The aliens have introduced modern machinery like computers and airplanes…everyone thinks that scientists invent on their own when in fact their inspiration is manipulated by the aliens. In terms of culture and spirit, they already control man…the ultimate purpose is to replace humans. If cloning human beings succeeds, the aliens can officially replace humans”

Li also thinks very highly of himself. The BBC, quote:

“…he is a being from a higher level who has come to help [mankind] from the destruction it could face as the result of rampant evil.”

Having a leader proclaim to know the way to save humanity is one of the signs that the leader’s group is a cult.

So, remember when I said that another one ways to get to their three central tenants was performance? Well, you know how they do it? By selling you $150 tickets to see the spectacle of 5000 years of traditional Chinese dance while listening to anti-atheist, anti-communist propaganda… it’s Shen Yun.

So apparently Shen Yun ads popping up everywhere is now a meme, but I’ve grown up in California all my life, and I swear I’ve been seeing these things since at least 2008. These things aren’t new to me. But I guess they’re finally getting to middle America, so people can joke about it.

I said before Falun Gong was anti-Communist and anti-evolution? Well, it shows up in the performance

Here’s a sample of lyrics from a song in the show called “Awaken”

"So long ago you came down to this world For millennia you have reincarnated here Fighting to get ahead, the true you has faded Self-interested actions have cost you your purity Atheism is a pack of lies The heresy of evolution now eclipses the Divine word Amidst disaster, people complain that the gods have forsaken us Do not use science to drive humanity toward danger You came to this world for salvation, your destiny To return to heaven is your soul's deepest wish You came to this world for salvation, your destiny To return to heaven is your destiny."

And, as I said before, the group is condemned by the Chinese government. The Chinese embassy made a post on their website, calling Falun Gong an anti-communist cult, that it undermines US-Chinese relations and that Shen Yun is a political tool for this cult and is anti-Chinese agitprop. This was all in English, and I find it a little weird they’d call it “agitprop” because that’s typically reserved for communist propaganda. So I found it a little strange.

But clearly this is also propaganda, it’s a statement by a government body, and all reports on its more outrageous beliefs are from western publications so there is a bias. But straight from the horse’s mouth is the anti-evolution message and we know that these performers don’t get paid.

In the end, it’s hard to classify this as a cult. It has cult-like elements, like surveillance by a government, a savior-leader. But it lacks a hierarchy and I could not find anyone who had left the movement and faced consequences for it, which are typically signs of a cult.

It’s got some very out-there, potentially dangerous beliefs, but is it a cult? [With hesitation in their voice) Personally, I’m gonna say yes, though I don’t think it necessarily ticks all those checkboxes, so maybe it can’t really be classified as a cult.

Now comes the fun part, where I get to beg you for money. I come to you hat in hand to maybe just consider throwing a dollar or two to my Patreon. I can’t offer much right now as far as donor rewards go, but I will try my best to give you access to episodes early and maybe some other fun side projects that I have available that are still loosely related to cults. That you so much if you decide to be ever so gracious.

Thanks so much for listening, that was the first episode. I will put all of my sources in the description. Most are from Wikipedia, but I checked to see if those sources were legit, so lay off me.

New time, we’re going to be focusing on a cult a little closer to home and maybe some of you remember this cult very vividly.

All right, take care and goodbye.

Citations:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Falun_Gong

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Falun_Gong

http://www.atheistrepublic.com/forums/atheist-hub/shen-yun

https://culteducation.com/group/1254-falun-gong/6922-is-falun-gong-a-cult.html

https://www.jewishpolicycenter.org/2010/11/30/china-conundrum/

http://faluninfo.net/category/persecution/killings/individual-cases-of-falun-gong-deaths/

https://www.amnesty.org/en/countries/

https://books.google.com/books?id=Bwqkwx4SWS0C&printsec=frontcover&dq=ownby+falun&client=firefox-a&cd=1#v=onepage&q&f=false

Song Credits:

“Frozen Jungle” and “Dreaming of You” by Monplaisir under the name Komiku (http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Komiku/)

“我们是毛主席的红卫兵 (We Are Chairman Mao’s Red Guard)” found at Songs of China’s Cultural Revolution (http://academics.wellesley.edu/Polisci/wj/China/CRSongs/crsongs.htm)

“Dies Irae” found on Archive.org (https://archive.org/details/GregorianChantMass

“Ride to the Party” by Monplaisir under the name Anonymous420 (https://chezmonplaisir.bandcamp.com/album/this-is-not-you)

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