#I wish I had the courage to write fics 😔

[i-am-as-normal-as-you-are]

Keep thinking about this Payneland Sentinels/Guides + Wing AU idea I had awhile ago SO y'all get to deal with me rambling

Quick info about Sentinels and Guides

~ A Sentinel is a person with enhanced senses (touch, sight, hearing, smelling, and taste), due to the enhanced senses it can become very overwhelming - similar to pulling a muscle, that can happen with their senses being too overstimulated

~ Guides help to ground and calm a Sentinel

~ Together they can help control and focus a Sentinel's abilities as well

Check out this cool Sentinels and Guides info post if you don't know what they are, the person does a great job explaining things

Now rambling time

Edwin is a Sentinel and Charles is a Guide

Overall Sentinels and Guides are rarities here, they were less known about during Edwin's time and were shunned - during Charles' time there was more knowledge on them but they still weren't really accepted by everyone - then modern day there's definitely better acceptance compared to the past + laws/rights protecting them

While Edwin was alive, he didn't have a Guide, but had some control to not get too overwhelmed due to his enhanced senses (or at least not show it around others, otherwise he'd definitely hear about it from his family)

But Hell threw that bit of control and composure out the window with how intense it was.

He thought that with escaping he'd be able to get some reprieve, but he still feels too much, and there's so many new things around him that it takes awhile to attempt adjusting.

Then he stumbles onto Charles and things start to feel a little less, more comfortable and controlled.

When Charles dies, they learn that he can't feel things like before, which they assume is the norm for ghosts. BUT he can feel Edwin perfectly fine, especially after bonding. He only has senses when it regards Edwin, like for example he can smell Edwin's ghostly hair pomade. Plus Charles is able to detect him nearby.

(I hc that a lot of ghost's senses are dulled or seem off compared to when alive, like touching things feel odd or smells seem dulled - so Charles would follow that logic + the special added bonus of properly feeling Edwin and his senses being able to detect Edwin due to being his Guide)

They learn that Edwin has all of his enhanced senses in tact, so for example he's still capable of tasting/eating but doesn't need to eat since he's a ghost so he doesn't see a point in doing it unless if it's necessary for a case (sometimes Edwin wishes he could give that capability to Charles since Charles reminisces and misses food a lot)

During the beginning, they basically had to stay attached at the hip. Anytime they'd tried to do something separately, Edwin would get spikes or zone-out frequently. Edwin hated feeling so useless plus thinking that he's trapped Charles where he won't move on due to Edwin's reliance on him - Charles does enjoy being around Edwin, he also really enjoys that he can feel and sense him, he's now in a world that he can't properly feel things like when alive but then there's Edwin as his beacon, but sometimes he worries that he's just using Edwin to feel something like 'Am I touching him too much, is he uncomfortable and just not saying anything?'

Things improve overtime where they can go do their own thing from time to time, but still just usually default to sticking together. They started taking on cases especially since Edwin's enhanced senses seemed perfect for it.

Also at first they bond and see it as plantonic.

It isn't till Crystal comes around which causes Edwin to have more territorial/protective instincts and jealousy come out regarding Charles + all of the stuff in Port Townsend, that they start to think about taking it further towards it being romantic.

(Bonus: Crystal thinking they're already together cause they constantly touch each other and have been caught cuddling together)

Then combining the wing au idea with the Sentinel/Guide stuff

So here Sentinels and Guides are also born with wings, at times it's used as a way to help easily spot others (So for example, in modern day if an unbonded Sentinel might be having a spike or zone-out, others might seek out the nearest person with wings who is an unbonded Guide to assist the Sentinel)

Edwin has the wings of a Little Owl and Charles has the wings of a Laggar Falcon

When alive, Edwin was to bind his wings and hide them so others wouldn't see them, only able to have them out in private. Then while in Hell, he had to learn the habit of keeping his wings tucked very close to his body or else they would be a huge liability.

Charles keeps his wings out since he finds them cool, but also tries his best to keep them under control. Too many instances of him getting too excited and his wings accidentally knocking something over... his dad wasn't happy.. (His dad hates his wings, but his mom praises how beautiful they are)

After they meet and Edwin binds his wings out of habit, Charles immediately puts a stop to it cause that CAN'T be healthy. But Edwin will still keep them closely tucked to his body.

Edwin has found that when Charles helps him calm down, he quite enjoys when Charles wraps his wings around him to encompass both of them. It helps block things out.

Then it took awhile, mainly due to Edwin not being as open about his wings, where they help preen/groom each other's wings

Edwin was used to making do on his own, while Charles usually had help from his mom. So it started with Charles asking for help, then Charles saw what Edwin was doing and decided that boy needs help (like 'Edwin this spot is an absolute mess cause you can't reach it properly, I'm helping you')

[totaldramafan-lauri]

Okay. OKAY. Okay. Ms. Lauri… do I have some WORDS for YOU!!

First of all: I LOVED CHAPTER 10!!!

Smoked Cheese Cookie… I’ve got mixed feelings on the guy!!! Always have. The way you write him is must *mwah 👌* excellent! He feels so in-character!

Things have been rocky between him and Reader… but the ending of this chapter gives me hope that they might be able to live on more amicable terms. He wants us to return and prove him wrong! He even gave us our weapons back :’)!! (He’s expressing that he cares… even if it’s only a teensy weensy bit!!)

And our dear Reader. Their anxieties during the first third of the chapter were so real and understandable. The way they jumped to conclusions regarding Golden Cheese’s recent absences is EXACTLY how I would have reacted/felt as well. I’m glad that we were shown otherwise by Her Radiance herself…

MOZZARELLA SAYING THAT THE ROLE OF ‘CONSORT’ SUITS US… I WANTED TO DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT. How much does she know… HOW MUCJ DOES SHE KNOWW!!! 😭😭 And then Burnt Cheese… GOOODDD. I WAS SO EMBARRASSED. I WANTED TO DIIIEE. But I’m glad that Reader chose to ask him instead of Her Radiance because… that would have killed me forreal. (I can can imagine how amused she would be if we ever asked… she’d probably laugh too, like Mozzarella did… I would not survive.)

And now, my favorite part of the chapter: The fondue springs scene.

When we walked by and we saw Golden Cheese with her two servants… ough. I immediately felt like we were intruding. And… I was… perhaps… perchance… a little… jealous….

My heart leapt to my THROAT when she called out to us and asked us to join them. I felt so CONFLICTEDDD. I oh so desperately wanted to join her, but I also didn’t want to see the servants touching her so… tenderly 😔

I wasn’t sure what I was expecting of Her Radiance in that situation, but I was (pleasantly) surprised when she was so openly affectionate with us!! It almost felt like she was showing us off ><..

I also wonder what she was thinking in that moment… she probably sensed our yearning but did she also sense our envy? Our insecurity?

(Might be a stretch, but I almost felt as if she was trying to warm us up to the idea of being around servants… mayhaps to get us used to it for the long term; easing us into a new lifestyle. Is she planning to bring us around more? I wonder if Mozzarella’s suggestion of ‘consort’ holds any weight to it…)

Also, when the servants asked if we wanted to watch them preen Her Radiance’s wings… I yelled at the screen!! YES!!! I WANT TO!!!

I hope we learn how to do it ourselves eventually!!! I’d love to be able to tend to her like that.

And of course, the ending of the chapter. I was incredibly sad that we had to leave again :’( But Reader is so courageous for volunteering to guide the messenger back to their kingdom!! No one else could have suited the job better, honestly. Her Radiance has faith in us as well, so I’m sure that it will all go smoothly! (Unless you have other plans in store for us…)

With that we are coming to our last chapter! I’m as excited as I am sad… it’s bittersweet to see a good thing come to an end. You’ve written a wonderful fic, Lauri!! And I wish you luck in sticking the landing!!! I’m also looking forward to that trivia chapter :]c

Thank you for writing this amazing story!

— 🐝

H-holy CRAP, bee anon....Hi to you, too! XD I-it's been a while....I was curious how you felt, but.....y-yowza.....! Putting it all out there at once, huh....?

I'm glad that someone enjoyed Mozzarella's consort troll.....w-well, maybe "enjoyed" isn't the right word, if you felt so much secondhand embarrassment? B-but, that also counts as it doing it's job, pffff....I-it was also supposed to be funny, but that works too, especially if you've been in similar situations....Y'know, not knowing what something means, asking about it, and shame ensues when it hits you what it is.....Hey, it happens....! XD

As for how much Mozzarella knows.....well, she hasn't spelled it out to Reader in-universe, but I still tried to make it obvious in the last two chapters, uh.....Y-yeah, she knows about their crush. She's known for a whiiiiiiile, at that. X//////D Which is part of why she said she cheered when she learned they became part of the kingdom, like.....she knew it was gonna happen, so it was a "FINALLY" moment for her. XD Yeah, she's been subtley pushing them to learn about how they feel for quite a while, so maybe, if you ever reread the old chapters, you'll be able to pick up on the hints. Mozzarella is a subtle character who keeps a lot of what she thinks about a mystery, but also.....y'know, she was definitely trying at multiple points to make things easier for them.....and she mostly failed cuz of how much they hid that part of themselves XD

Th-the springs scene.....hnnnnn....I-I have a fun fact about that scene that I'm saving for the trivia page, but....in short: I adore how that scene turned out. It's probably my second-fav part of the chapter (with my fav being the short scene of Reader begging) >//////> R-Reader at first hates the idea of having to speak about their relationship to others (explaining it to Burnt Cheese nearly killed them, haha), only for Golden Cheese to tell them they don't have to say anything, and she'll take care of it all....because no one can stop her.....There's nothing to be afraid of....s-so, all they have to do is focus on her....and it makes them feel a lot better about being seen in public.....I-I dunno how well it comes across, but for me, I-I'm proud of how I did it....p-partly because I like the idea....I-I feel like relationships with her would be like that....B-being shown off....l-like that.....to her servants.....wh-while she does all the talking, and.....y-yeah.....I-I'm rambling, s-sorry......>//////< (Y-you can't tell me she WOULDN'T, say...slam you a-against a wall in public view of others in the palace w-without any shame at all, c'mon- Sh-she's in charge, sh-she does what she wants-)

I-I'm also glad that you find Reader relatable still....They're basically their own character now, with their own arc, but I-I still wanna make them feel like they could be any of us, y-y'know...? Whenever they feel insecure and overthink things to try to make sense of them, that's basically me putting myself into them.....XD

B-but yeah, th-thanks for sharing your thoughts with me....! I-I'll try my best to get the next chapter done soon-ish, but I JUST started it, so I make no promises yet...S-sorry for the cliffhanger, but feel free to speculate how you think the story will end, I guess....? L-like, to yourself, not to me, cuz I'm not gonna say anything~ ^^

(I-I like the idea of touching/grooming her wings, too....b-but sh-she'd absolutely scold me if I did it the wrong way, so....h.tjtresghejrjhdds......t-terrifying at the same time....X///////D)

[starsofang]

this isnt a request but ur simon x deaf reader fic was so good 🤧🤧 i came across it again and i was like … WAIT OMG MY MUTUAL DID THT!!! UR SO TALENTED !!!!1!1!!!! leave some for the rest of us stop playin w meeeee 🙄 !!!

STOPPPP when i saw we were mutuals i shed a lil tear because i love ur writing so much and wish i had the courage to post certain content (but im scared people will think i’m a weird freak since all i really post is fluff and people might see me in a different light 😔) so i indulge myself all the time in ur account, its like a little treat

BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH LOVIE so happy we became mutuals and hope we can talk more 🤝

[memryse]

ohhhhh MAN i feel you on being scared to share your creative work because you're not an established 'creative' blog. i have so many thoughts and fics and ideas that i want to share, but I'm just so NERVOUS about it that i barely ever write out any posts, and even when i do 90% of the time I'm too scared to post them so i just save them to my drafts and then forget about them LMAO. it's not even exclusive to mcytblr, I'm too nervous to post about my own dnd characters DJDGJDGK.

we out here experiencing anxiety 😔😔😔✌️✌️

YEAH... it's definitely not an mcytblr-exclusive thing, hell i wouldn't even say hermitblr is the worst for it - i have been in quite a few vile fandoms so i'm speaking from experience here. but with me being less of the creative sort to begin with, i never really had many ideas for those fandoms, nor did i really read much fic for them since they would almost always be ship fics which i do not care about at all. so now that i'm in a fandom where i genuinely do feel motivated to create and discuss headcanons etc, those mean spirited complaints do really get to me especially when posts about ultimately harmless fanon get hundreds of notes. and i'm saying this knowing i have a reasonably high follower count and so would probably get a decent reception to anything i did post - i imagine it's probably even worse for people without any kind of footing in the community

and i may know nothing about dnd but i will nonetheless wish you luck working up the courage to post about your characters anon <3

[angelamajiki]

sophie <3 hope you had a good week mwah! im currently struggling with getting into writing and then actually posting my work like….why is it sor hard…. all day I think about writing and what I want to write and then I actually sit down and it’s like oops nvm 😔 help 😔

I’m gonna finally watch season 2 of demon slayer and once again think about all the smut wips I’m gathering the courage to post. What’s currently on ur lovely noggin though?? ❤️ Wishing you a very having fun sexy lucid dreams about your faves

- 🍓 anon

pls writing is so hard…the last time i even released a fic was october 😵‍💫😵‍💫 AND I CANTTT WAIT TO WATCH ALL OF SEASON TWO!! ive only seen spoilers and screen caps here n there

the only thing going on in my noggin rn is school 🤢 i just moved back into my dorm (BARF i want an apartment so bad,,,) and started in person classes today may or may not have missed one because i couldn’t find the building it was in

[seospicybin]

Hope you’ve hab a nice New Years and thank you for being here and for your writing and having the courage to post it in the Frist place!

Your writing is so nice and you keep on improving 😍

Wisch you only the best 💕

Soooo sorry for the very late response!

Yes happy new years to you too my #1 hypeman/woman!

Thank you for the wishes! Here's to many many more good sins in the form of good fics 🤭

Wish you the best things only in 2022 and everyone too ❤ -f.

Ps. My 2022 so far isn't that good, I had a fight with my mum bcs I didn't pay attention to the juicy gossips she shared with me bcs I kept on zoning out trying to map out my plot for my next fics 😔

[stars-and-darkness]

Hi! I'm kind of new to Tumblr, but I really like your blog. And I wanted to say... I admire you. Your blog is everything I wanted to do on mine, and the fact that English isn't your first language is amazing. I wouldn't have courage to do something like that. I barely manage to write that ask, much less a whole FF... Okey, I think I'm babbling XD I hope you didn't take any of that in a wrong way. Thanks for reading this mess 😅

Hi!

This is just ... so insanely kind. Thank you so, so much, you just made my day. I am literally tearing up right now.

We poor lost souls whose first language isn't English need to stick together 😁 (and from what I can tell, your English is amazing, don't let anyone tell you differently!)

But, lest anyone here have leave tnis blog under the impression that I am anything other than a hot mess shaped like a teenage girl, here are some anecdotes about my journey studying English through the years:

When I was four, my kindergarden offered free English lesson. The only phrase I learned there is my name is. A few days later, my aunt, a professor of English and German, tried to teach me to say what's your name, but instead of realizing that these two are different sentences with different meanings, I kept trying to correct her 😅

Fast forward two-three years, I got a 3 (that's the equivalent of a C for y'all) on an exam because I forgot to capitalize the first letters of the days of the week ... 😔

Just the other day, I found out I'd been pronouncind adjacent wrong for years ... 😬

The first fic I ever wrote was ... questionable. Picture me: fourteen, just having taken my first step into online fandom. I have an idea for a story (I wasn't even familiar with the idea of fanfiction back then), and after a while, I figure, might as well write it, just to get it out of my head.

I don't have it. I'd deleted it, and the computer I'd written it on has broken down in the meantime. I wish I did. It was absolutely terrible, I have no doubt. I didn't have the vocubulary neccessary to write, I'd never actually read anything in English at the time, I didn't know how English interpunction worked. I do remember that it was 3k words long, and that I was absolutely, insanely proud.

And I still am! I needed that step! And I had written so much between then and now, and most of it will never see the light of day, but that's okay!

I guess what I'm trying to say is ... don't let yourself be limited in ANYTHING, because learning is a process, and there are bound to be mishaps and mistakes on the way. It's only natural! So chin up, and carpe diem!