#I will say the fact that bug bite is next to those crates is hilarious but also FUCK THIS DLC lmao

[celestialholz]

An apple a Kitakam-day keeps the doctor away (or 'they have fields of them now oh my god')

Guys. Guys. I am at my upper limit and Brassius hasn't even graced my clubhouse yet. I'm going to yeet myself off clifftops without a dragon. (No Rotom buddy, don't save me. It's not worth it.)

Warning: this post contains no story spoilers for Kitakami, but it does contain a certain Pokemon, and a DLC-specific location, and the occasional mention of a sidequest or two. If you want to go in totally spoiler-free, just be wary. :)

Now, we all know Applin as the gay mascot Pokemon, so what did they feel like doing for our first DLC?

What is this. What IS THIS. Note the unamused expression on mini Holz - mood, honey. Biggest mood.

This is Kitakami's Apple Fields, which are so painfully obviously a Hassius honeymoon destination that they're even winking at me.

THE AUDACITY.

... I'm glad you do, because personally, I've become allergic to them. Whatever the apple version of homophobia is, I have a terminal case.

But anyway, if you happen to scale these lovely cliffs off to the side:

You will be able to count how many fields there are here. It's difficult at ground level because the fences are stupid, but there's sixteen of them. TM16 in this game is Acrobatics, which is - and you can choose, I'm easy - either a reference to Brassius jumping off windmills because he has the confidence now through love, or me jumping off this ledge without a dragon and no Rotom Phone. (Yes, I will do a flip.)

Wasn't enough for you to give me a core-wyrm and a fore-wyrm, a marital signpost of a Pokemon, was it Game Freak, or stick a heart around Harvest C, or give Hassel a Flapple? Nope. FIELDS OF APPLIN. Yeah no, I'm fine...

Look at this little bastard. Look at her. She knows what she is.

You also find the simp Glitterati here by the way, twice, so... mmm, simps, enjoying apples, on two separate occasions. Can't mean anything guys, don't worry about it...

And as though all this wasn't bullshit enough, this is what happens when you show a Dipplin to the guys in Mossui Town who wish they had a romance half as compelling as Hassius:

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME I WILL FIGHT YOU BOTH NEXT TO THE CRYSTAL POOL YOU F -