#I will probably panic and delete this tomorrow

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

*the ominous noises are coming for you.*

[childrenofthenightt]

so <3 i was on tiktok a couple days ago and someone was singing this song. and then it got stuck in my head. and i was like. hmmmmm fun vibrato fun range let’s try it <33 so this is literally just me noodling around not taking it seriously at all but!!!

the ballad of mona lisa - panic! at the disco <33

@rebelrollerqueen i owe you my life <3

[sungstars]

slut me out | njm x fem!reader

i.e you needed to give your situationship the time of his life after seeing his instagram story.

word count: 2.8k (not proof read)

content warning: situationship, open ending, smut lol, oral (m. rec.), fingering (f. rec.), explicit sex, unprotected sex(no!), creampie, lmk if i missed anything thanks!

author's note: two fics in one day! can we believe this LOL. would you guys be surprised if i said that i have a mark one that i'm hoping to finish and it'll be queued up for tomorrow morning/afternoon. i hope you all enjoy this fic and as always, dedicated to my crazy and delusional bffs. likes & reblogs are appreciated as always. requests are open till october 5th! i'm still working on my jay fic, and hoping to have that out by tuesday!!

“you’re fucking crazy,” you said once the phone picked up after the first ring, “you can delete that story, i saw it.”

jaemin let out a hearty laugh, “hmm? but jisungie looks so cute, what if one of my followers wants me to put them on with him?”

you jeer, fingering hovering over the red button on the screen, “you definitely could’ve posted him without making sure your shirt is unbuttoned and they can see the chain that i bought you peeking through. what if they’re crazy like me?”

“don’t worry, nobody has you beat in that department.” jaemin added quickly, “you can come over if you want.”

did you want to? absolutely. you needed to rock his world so hard that it was likely to be rated a category 9.5 earthquake.

“you can come to me,” you quipped back, “and hurry up, i dont have a lot of patience. don’t change either.”

“you’re so demanding,” jaemin whined, a glint of playfulness evident in his voice, “i have to stop at my other hoe’s house first, but i’ll be there.”

“not even funny.” you hung up the phone, rolling your eyes.

focusing back on your room, you jumped up in a panic. you needed to change and also pick up the clothes you had thrown all over the place.

realistically, you didn’t know if jaemin was kidding about seeing somebody else first, but if he wasn’t, you had about twenty minutes including traffic before he got to your place.

you shoved all the loose piece of clothing into whatever drawer or laundry basket they would fit into. doing a once over your room, you were satisfied with what you were able to do.

looking at your floor length mirror, you didn’t care too much about what you had on. a big t-shirt with snoopy playing baseball on the front.

easy access for jaemin, but you should probably change your dingy halloween panties from victoria secret into something cute.

perhaps pink? that seemed on brand for tonight’s theme.

you were digging through your underwear drawer looking for that lacey pink thong you got from the mall a few weeks ago when you heard a knock on your door.

“fuck,” you said, slamming the drawer shut to no avail and rubbing your hands down your hair to smooth out any frizz, “fuck.”

the knocking got louder, causing you to practically trip on air as you ran to grab the door.

“took your sweet time letting me in,” jaemin pouted. leaning against the doorframe when you opened it, “that mad at me?”

rolling your eyes, you pulled him in by his silky pajama shirt and closing the door behind him, “guess she wasn’t that good if you got here within the same hour of calling.”

jaemin smiled, dropping down onto your couch and sliding his shoes off, “i’d say she was pretty damn good if i got done quickly and i’m not here.”

you crossed your arms, scoffing at his comment and began to walk to your bedroom.

“you’re such a dick.”

“i heard that,” he said, jumping off the couch to chase behind you, “i'm just kidding y/n, you know it's just you."

"are you sure? cause you keep making comments about other girls, are you trynna compensate? i don't care if you see other people."

jaemin laughed at you for the nth time this evening, making you want to just slam your bedroom door in his face and lock him out, but unfortunately for you, seeing jaemin in those pink pajamas and gold chain sent you into borderline ovulation.

you grabbed jaemin by the arm, leading him to sit on your bed and standing between his legs.

"it's just you," jaemin reassured, a hand coming up to rub your hip gently, "just like driving you crazy 'cause i know you're really fucking insane."

jaemin got a whiff of your secret cloud perfume as you leaned down and kissed his neck gently.

"i'm going to turn you every way but loose tonight," you whispered into his ear, teeth grazing the shell of his ear, "and i'm gonna show you how insane i am over you."

a shiver went down jaemin's back as you kissed down his neck and to his adam's apple, making sure to suck dark marks into his skin before placing your lips on his.

his arms wrapped your waist, pulling you down into his lap as he deepened the kiss. your hands found their way entangled into his brunette locks, moaning as he slipped his tongue into your mouth.

the two of you fought for dominance over the kiss, though jaemin just wanted to put up a good fight before letting you win.

you then slipped your tongue into his mouth, removing your hands from his hair and moving them down to his shoulders.

you gently pushed him back and onto the mattress, letting your fingers skillfully undo his pajama shirt, enjoying the smooth silk under your fingertips before pulling the shirt open.

jaemin pressed his hips up, hoping to get a small bit of friction on his growing erection and moaning when you rut your own hips down.

pulling away from the kiss, your chest heaved as you did a lookover his body. his plush lips swollen and glossy with spit, dark splots decorating his skin from earlier, his own defined chest moving rapidly as he tried to catch his own breath.

"you look so pretty under me, jaem," you complimented, your fingers dancing across his exposed collarbones and down his gold chain, "a sight only i should be allowed to see."

jaemin exhaled heavily through his nose, "a sight only for you. . please, don't stop. i want you. . i need you so badly, y/n."

how could you deny such a request from a pretty boy completely at your disposal? you weren't a cruel or dumb woman, so of course you'll comply.

you leaned down to attach your lips to his collarbone, biting and sucking gently as you made your way down his chest.

moving the pink fabric away, you let your tongue teasingly flick at his nipple to elicit a whiny moan from his mouth before taking his nipple between your lips.

"fuck y/n," he groaned, "that feels so good."

smirking to yourself, you pull off and stand up. the boy's eyes widened, trying to hold back another whine because why did you pull off? and why are you standing?

"c'mon," jaemin said, voice cracking slightly, "don't be a tease."

"a tease?" you titled your head as he sat up on his elbows, "if you beg, i'll consider."

a bright red hue cascaded over jaemin's face at your request, but he couldn't get any more pathetic than he already looked.

"y/n," he pleaded, "please do something. i am so undeniably hard, and if i don't feel those pretty lips or pretty hands wrapped around my dick that i know you love, i will implode and you'll be out of a bomb dick appointment and home."

a laugh escaped, jaemin really knew what to say to make you give into him. it's why you liked him honestly. he was funny and charming, and did in fact have a great dick that drove you insane. you used to be normal before he stuck his dick in you.

jaemin reached forward, grabbing your hand and placing it over his boner. that action alone could've made you cum in your panties because pathetic jaemin was probably your favorite jaemin.

you instinctively wrapped your fingers around it the best you could while it was restrained in those silky pants, slowly jerking him off and watching a bead of precum stain the fabric.

"see how hard i am?" he asked, breathily, "all for you. all because of you."

stroking your ego was one of the many things jaemin was good at, so you decided to play nicely and give him something to relief this tension you could feel growing in his body.

"take 'em off," you said, releasing his cock from your grip, moving back to give him room, "show me that pretty dick, jaem."

if you weren't standing in front of him, you were sure he would've fell face forward onto your carpet from how fast he was trying to get his pants down and off his hips.

once they were at his thighs, you leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on his lips before sinking down to your knees.

you were face to face with jaemin's cock, the tip an angry shade of red and precum still leaking from his slit.

spit began to pool inside your mouth the longer you looked at it, and you stuck your tongue out to swipe the precum dribbling from his cock.

jaemin moaned out, hands gripping the sheets beneath him, “stop. . put it in your mouth.”

you furrowed your eyebrows and looked up, “don’t make demands.”

the brunette’s jaw ticked, one hand coming up to your hair and the other grabbing the base of his dick.

he pushed your head back roughly, tapping the head of his cock on your lips and smearing more precum across, “don’t be a fucking tease.”

your eyes widened in surprise at the switch in jaemin's demeanor, but instead of giving him a hard time, you complied by opening your mouth for him.

without hesitation, jaemin shoved his cock into your mouth until it hit the back of your throat which caused you to gag and tears well up in your eyes.

"don't get sensitive now," he mumbled, swiping the tears from your face, "now be good and suck. show me why you're my favorite."

his favorite? you should been his fuckin' only like he said you were earlier. what is up with the inconsistency? he's gonna piss you off.

you used your tongue to lick the under part of his cock, pulling off to leave just the tip in your mouth.

jaemin's grip on your hair tightened, trying his best to let you have control, but wanting nothing more than to just fuck your throat until you're sobbing.

you pulled completely off his cock, bringing your hand to jerk him off while you used your tongue to lick a stripe on his balls and gently suck.

the brunette's eyes rolled back, a string of moans and high pitched whines leaving his throat as you continued to toy with his balls.

whenever your hand reached the tip, you would squeeze every so slightly, causing him to fuck into your hand.

jaemin was close, and you could tell by the way he was whimpering and trying to chase your hand.

you looked up at him, smiling to yourself before pulling off his dick completely, basking in his borderline sob at the loss of contact.

"why did you stop?" tears welled up in his eyes, feeling like he would explode, "you're so fuckin' mean."

cooing, you wiped tears away from his eyes like he did earlier, "cause i knew you were close, jaem."

he sniffled, grabbing you and pinning you down onto the bed in one swift motion.

sometimes, you forget how strong he can be, causing you to get even more wet if that was possible. your panties were sticking almost uncomfortably to your cunt, and you were hoping he would do something to relief that soon.

too lost in your own thoughts of pleasure, you didn't even realize jaemin was pulling your t-shirt up until the cool air hit your nipples.

he used his lithe digits to roll your perked nipples around, causing you to squeal at the contact.

"love the panties," jaemin teased, using one of his hands to snap the waistband against your skin, "so cute and so soaked. god, you really get off from anything as long as it's me, huh?"

"you fuckin' wish," you tried to bite, but it came out as a whimper when he pressed his hand against your core, allowing for some friction of pleasure.

"shhh," he said, "can't even muster an ounce of niceness when i'm about to fuck you?"

jaemin flicked your nipples, smirking at your almost pained moan before moving down to take your underwear off, eyes watching how they were sticking to your sopping cunt, "so wet for me, hm?"

you nodded your head in compliance this time, "all for you."

he swiped a finger up your slit, bringing it to his mouth and licking it clean, "taste so sweet, but act so so mean towards nana, wonder why that is?"

you huffed, hooking a heel behind his thigh and pulling him close so his cock would make some contact with your cunt, a noise escaping your throat when the tip came into rough contact with your clit.

"that needy? what was it you said earlier? beg. beg for it, dumb whore."

degrading was something you and jaemin never tried, but with how effortlessly it slipped out of his mouth, you wish he would've done it sooner.

"jaem," you grinded against his cock, "please fuck me, y'know you want to. please, i need it so badly."

jaemin just looked at you unimpressed, dragging his cock up and down your cunt, looking at how you falter when his tip catches your sensitive bundle of nerves, "beg more."

you wanted to burst into tears, he knows how much you want him, he can feel how wet you are and probably at more slickness slipping out as he teased you, "nana, please put it in. i'll stop being mean, promise. i need your cock--i need you. please fuck me."

his left hand came up to smooth your hair out, smiling all his pearls at you as he slowly pushed the fat tip of his cock into you, finally.

jaemin slowly pushed himself into your cunt, moaning at how easily you took his cock, letting his hand fall from your hair and place pressure on your clit.

"it's like you were made for me, fuck" he gritted his teeth, thrusting shallowly into you, "taking me so well every time, your cunt just fuckin' sucks me in.. ha."

all you could do was moan in response, eyes rolling back when jaemin's gold chain smacked you in the nose, "fuck, too good."

jaemin rubbed your clit roughly as he picked his pace up, hips snapping against yours as your arousal ran down your thighs and his balls, creating a wet sound between the two of you.

you clenched around jaemin's cock, letting out high pitched noises of pleasure as he fucked you harshly, the knot in your stomach tightening and traveling down your pelvis.

"fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck" you cried, placing your hand on his lower abdomen and trying to push him away, but he quickly snatched it and held it above your head, "jaem, fuck, please, it's too much."

jaemin ignored your pleas, "y'know you can take it, stop trying to run from it."

when jaemin snapped his hips harshly once more, you felt that knot in your stomach break and ecstasy overtake your senses.

you couldn't even muster the feeling of embarassment from how good you felt when liquid practically sprayed your thighs and jaemin's abdomen.

the boy tapped the head of his cock on your clit, groaning loudly as you continued to squirt before roughly showing himself back into you.

"jaemin," you squealed, back arching up, "i can't! i can't."

"you can," he said, fucking you harshly, feeling himself getting closer and closer, "and you will take this dick. you wanna whine about other people havin' it so bad, take it, slut."

with jaemin fucking you so soon after an intense orgasm, all you could do was sob and mumble his name. it wasn't going to take you long to cum again, and jaemin could tell about how you were clenching on his dick.

your fingers dug into his shoulders, creating red crescents as his chain smacked you over and over again, his orgasm approaching any second.

"i'm so close, angel." he whined, his thrusts starting to stutter and slow down, "fuck, can i come inside please?"

"o-of course," you nodded your head, your own orgasm approaching once more, "please cum in me."

one more snap of jaemin's hips and he let out a loud moan, stilling himself as white hot ropes of his cum began to fill you and create a creamy ring around his cock, "fuck, you were too good."

he began to thrust slowly to ride out your orgasms, kissing your forehead and whispering sweet praises into your ear.

once you pushed his chest away to let him know he was overstimulating you, he pulled out completely and laid next to you, chest heaving rapidly.

"y/n." he turned on his side, "i really do like you."

you smiled, grabbing his hand and intertwining your fingers, "i really like you too jaemin."

he pressed a gentle kiss to your cheek and pulled you closer to him, "it's always been just you."

end!

[dirtylittlefairytales]

Don't play with fire | - Part 2 - |

Autors Note: I recommend to read Part 1 first. This is going to be a rollercoaster, but I hope you like it. I liked writing it and I'm really happy I started writing again. Now I try writing smut too. If you like the song 'Unholy from Sam Smith' listening to it later on, made the scene better. At least I listened to it while I wrote the scene.

Also as before, english is not my first language, I hope I corrected most mistakes.

Summary: After having a panic attack and realizing that Cooper could be the Butcher., you tried living your life normally again, until you got a text from an unknown number. Should you go to the police? Half a year later everything is normal again, at least you think it is.

-> Writing in 'italic' is supposed to be the your thoughts

Warnings: Dark!Fic, Describing of a Panic attack, Age Gap! (Legal), Swearing! Praise! Alcohol consumption!, drugs!, bit of Smut, Angst!, Arguing

Rating: R

Word count: 7,4k

Tagging: @a-movie-that-youve-never-seen, @amethystblackkchaos, @hereforthehitsbaby, @waywardtigersandwich

That was your first panic attack you had in your life. You spend that day at the hospital, your mom picking you up in the evening. She didn’t pry for information, although she was very worried. When you got back to her house and sat in the living room over a hot tea, you told her everything– Though more like everything she could know.

You told her about the concert, how you weren’t feeling well because of the crowd of people. So you went home early, then your bike got stolen and your boss fired you after some nasty words. You said you didn’t know how you ended up at the hospital, you were just aimlessly walking and then woke up in the hospital. Remembering a lot of concerned voices around you but nothing more. 

Seeing that you were near tears again your mom started to hug you for several minutes. You let it all out. All those bottle up emotions of the day. You just didn’t know what to do with all these emotions. It was too much, like you weren’t in control anymore.

“You know sweety, you should move closer again. Ah no disagreeing! Think about it. You know my grandparents also had their apartment. Please consider it, I worry about you.” she said, squeezing your shoulders. “You could save so much money!”

“Okay mom. I promise I’ll think about it, but not today. Let me find a new job first.” you tried avoiding the situation. She nodded

“Well, come one you can sleep in your old room today. Tomorrow I'll drive you to the mechanic so you can get your car back.”

“Thanks mom.”, she kissed the top of your head and pushed you towards the stairs. Shaking your head, you went up towards your old room. You could barely say no to anything, when it came to your mom. However, moving back was the one thing you didn’t want. It was stupid. You wanted to live independent and not in your moms apartment, where she probably wouldn’t even allow you to pay rent.

Stepping inside your room, everything looked as you last remembered it. Your mom tried to make it look like your old room. The big double bed near the window, with the one teddy bear on it. A small wooden closet near the wall. You closed the curtains on the window and went to bed. 

On the bathroom mirror you could see a bruise starting to form on your shoulder, where Cooper had gripped it. Clearly you couldn’t wear something without sleeves the next few weeks. 

Before going to sleep you checked your phone. You nearly forgot about it. There was nothing. No new contact, no number saved anywhere, everything was the same. You remember it clearly, he told you he had saved his number, but nothing. You checked your phone completely. Looked through everything, photos, deleted messages, deleted contacts. Still nothing.

‘Had he just been toying with you? Playing into your anxiety?’ After checking your phone for a second time you gave up. Maybe you imagined it, maybe you should just call it a day. As soon as you put your phone down and your head hit your pillow you were out. The events of that day were finally catching up with you. 

Waking up the next day, you still felt exhausted but overall better. True to her word, your mom drove you to the mechanic, and reminded you to visit her once a week like you promised her on her last birthday. No more work excuses. 

You promised, she was getting older and you did want to spend more time with her. She turned 59 this year. You loved her, she always did her best. Recently your grandfather passed away, leaving everything to your mom. Your grandparents had an estranged relationship with your mom, but seeing as she was their only child… she inherited it all. Now your mom could live without worries. She had a house and had a spare apartment. Seeing as they did have a bit of money.

Over the next week you wrote more job applications and went to a couple of interviews. Until you finally found yourself a new job. The company and boss seemed nice and you even got to work from home 10 days a month. Big plus and the pay was decent. You stayed in your apartment most of the time after the concert, fearing you might run into Cooper somewhere. You were quite paranoid. Fearing what he would do to you. Were you going to be next, if he was the Butcher? 

With the new job, came new energy and you started to live again. Step by step you were going outside, to the office, meeting your friends or going out for drinks. Still sometimes, you looked around you. Feeling like someone was staring holes in your back.

The second panic attack came when on a day you were working from home. A few weeks had passed and overall it started like a totally normal day, just a few calls. Not much work to do that day and around lunch time you still wore your pajamas. When you went into the kitchen to cook, you suddenly got a text message from an unknown number. First you thought it was someone from work. Though, the number didn’t seem familiar, so maybe it was a customer? However, none had your private number. You opened the message and instantly knew who sent that text.

–You should watch the news. Unfortunately I must tell you that Spencer didn't seem to be very grateful. Sorry to disappoint you sweetheart. –

You dropped your phone, heart pounding in your chest. ‘Sweetheart– Was that Cooper? So he did have your number… Why should you watch the news?’ Slowly you crept down, picking up your phone from the floor and almost dropping it again. Your hands trembled so much. 

After releasing a shuddering breath, you put your phone in your pocket and stepped towards your living room. One step at time, fearing you might fall if you walked too fast. Holding on to your sofa for dear life, you reached for the remote. 

Turning on the TV, unsure of what you would find, you switched programs until you found the news channel. Your hands still trembling, you took deep breaths trying to calm yourself.

‘Maybe you should sit down?’ – Letting yourself fall onto the sofa you turned up the volume. You saw a lot of police in the background then view switched to the reporter, who started speaking

“Yesterday in the early hours, two hikers found something horrible on their daily hiking trail. We waited for further information from the police and we can now announce that the Butcher has found yet another victim. This marks the 13th victim of the Butcher.”

Your knuckles around the remote turned white from anticipation, your fingernails digging in your own palm. ‘Maybe you should stop with the acrylic nails’ You held your breath. They showed a photo of a young man on the screen. It wasn’t someone you knew.

“The victim seems to be a young man named Spencer–” Spencer.. That was the name he told you that day. You didn’t even listen to the rest of the news. Completely blending everything out, thoughts racing in your head. A sob escaped you, your whole body shook uncontrollably. Gasping for air, crying, you had your second panic attack. It felt even stronger then the first one, but maybe it was only because you were more aware now. 

A part of you felt like you killed Spencer. You had thought he was just playing with your fear. It was your fault. ‘What have you done… you were right all along. Your sixth sense didn’t leave you. Why haven't you gone to the police? Were you an accomplice now? Why haven’t you told somebody? You could have saved him…’ The answer was simple. You hadn’t been 100% sure. Hell until now you thought you imagined most of his weird behavior, were overthinking it, writing it off as anxiety.

Helplessly you wandered around towards your kitchen in the search for a bag. When you finally found one, you sank down against your cupboard. Taking deep breaths with the plastic bag to calm your breathing. After calming down and just sitting silently in your kitchen for 20 minutes, you got up and shut down the TV.

‘You couldn’t go to the police, could you? What if they held you responsible for it because you didn’t say anything until now. You didn’t even know his last name or where he lived.’ 

A dry and humorless laugh escaped you. Putting your face in your hand, trying to come to terms with reality. Finally you pushed your hair back and grabbed your phone.

Pondering if you should write back? Try to get information from him and go to the police? Could you get burned even more? Thinking for another minute you decided against it. Panic and anxiety controlled your actions. Your course of action was going in the complete opposite direction. Simply deleting the message. Deleting the evidence, deleting a small part of your guilt– ‘out of sight out of mind’

You didn’t continue work that day, called in sick, went to bed and just stared aimlessly at the ceiling. Thinking about everything. About the concert, about every small detail you remembered. All the strange things you thought he did, but in the end you thought it was just your imagination. 

This was so fucked up, why were you still alive and not locked up in some basement? Why were you still alive? He knew that you knew. By sending you that text, it almost seemed like he wanted you to know. It hardly made any sense to you. After hours and hours of thinking and getting a headache from it, you fell asleep rather exhausted.

Not even a day after you even changed your number, telling your friends and mom another lie. The excuse, you got too many spam calls on it, seemed to be good enough. You were that anxious that you were one step away from moving back into your mom's house. However you didn't want to exaggerate.

Everything you did, to feel secure didn’t help. The anxiety remained. Whenever you went outside you felt like a scared mouse, always looking around, getting in your car and inside the office building as quickly as possible. At first you looked for a black van, then you remembered that stupid little you had the great idea to reveal to him what the profiler said. Of course he was not driving that van anymore. Perhaps now he drove around in a girly pink car.

‘How could you have been so stupid?’, you wanted to bang your head against the table. You even judged Lady Raven for her naivety and here you were telling the Butcher what car to not drive. What to look out for. You helped him even further, by not going to the police. He must have been laughing at you in his head. What a fucking joke. He also must have realized what effect he had on you, using that for his advantage. That for one you found him attractive, on the other hand you were intimidated by him. You were glad you were still alive, but it also made you nervous.

A month later and nothing new from the Butcher and no strange occurrences you finally started to relax again. Cooper and all that happened was slowly being pushed to the back of your head. 

Furthermore, you moved out of your apartment. You felt spooked and unsafe in it. Living near your mom again gave you a small aspect of security back. Fortunately your workplace had a second office 20 min from your mom's apartment. You rented some transporter and with the help of your friends you moved your stuff into your new apartment within a day. Moving out helped your anxiety a lot.

Another month later, you started to go out with your friends again, didn’t look around every time you left your apartment and became more yourself. Feeling confident. You were slowly going after your hobbies again. Running outside, Swimming, visiting your favorite coffee shop or reading in the park on a good day. All without turning around every few seconds. 

Before you knew it about half a year had passed and it all was a mere memory. You hadn’t had another panic attack in months. Your job was great, you met your friends a lot, also visited your mom every week and you could even listen to music with noise canceling headphones again. It felt normal. Back to how it was before. There was no news from the Butcher. No new Butcher victims, just some mom in a horrible car crash, but aside from that there was just the usual news. 

It was around January, a Saturday, your birthday to be exact, where it began to get strange again. Even though it started out as every other birthday since you were 21. First brunch with your mum, having some good quality time in your favorite restaurant. After that, you went home again and around the evening your friends should arrive to go out. You should be around 10 people later. Normally you would just celebrate at home, but your best friend Simon wanted to party. Who were you to deny his wishes?

You had been Besties for ages, growing up with the same situation of a cheating parent, pushed you even closer together. It was only after high school where you went in different directions. Simon wanted to study, whereas you started working. There he met his better half Sebastian, they’ve been together ever since and when the three of you did something together they treated you like their child. Which you found hilarious. You loved them.

So a couple of friends were coming over and around midnight you would go dancing. When you arrived back at your apartment you noticed something strange. There was a small gift in front of your door. You looked around if you saw any of your neighbors before picking it up and unlocking your door. 

It didn’t seem to have a name anywhere. ’Strange. Maybe it was from that elderly woman on the first floor?’, you wondered. You put it on your kitchen counter, saving it for later. Seeing as you had only a couple of hours left to clean and dress up. Also you needed your makeup done before simon came, or he would go way overboard with his ideas. You already agreed to let him do your hair and change your outfit, if it was “too boring”. 

That was another reason he wanted you to go out. Maybe you would finally find prince charming and you could go on cute double dates.  In his opinion, your ‘no dating’ phase had been going on too long. Looking at yourself in the mirror you felt good. You decided to go with some short black pants, and a glittery black top with an open back. 

By the time the others arrived you totally forgot about the present still laying wrapped on the kitchen counter. Friend after friend arrived, all of them overly punctual. Except for two individuals, as always. You didn’t mind, it was only Lucas, a friend of Sebastian, with his girlfriend Mary. You didn’t particularly like her, Mary needed to be in the spotlight, sometimes you felt like she tried to replace you in your friend group. None of the others saw this most of the time though. She was ‘little miss perfect’. Well, except for Simon and Lizzy, they did see her other side sometimes.  

Putting on some music after everybody sat down in the living room, you went back to the kitchen to help Simon with the last drinks. As Simon was putting away the cake he brought on the kitchen counter he saw the small present laying around. “Who is this from?”

You walked towards him to see what he ment. “Oh, I actually don’t know. I think one of my neighbors left it for me.” shrugging you picked it up.

“Do you know what's inside?”, You shook your head, now you’ve done it. Simon loved a good mystery, something to solve, something thrilling.

“Well then, open it! I’ll get the rest of the drinks.”, he ushered you towards the living room where the others sat around your coffee table. Climbing over the back rest of your couch, you made yourself comfortable in the corner. Simon brought your drinks while you started to open the present. “What is it?”

“It’s…” you frowned. Pulling out a simple small teddy bear, with something silver on top. It was made out of plastic, nothing overly special. It was a Keychain.

“I think that’s something I could put on my keychain? Wait there's more…” There was something shiny at the bottom of the present. 

“A bracelet– Oh, it’s really pretty.” You held it towards the light, it sparkled brightly. It was a simple silver bracelet, with a little charm in the center. A cute colorful flower. 

“Aww how cute. But it seems like it was more for a child? Are you sure your neighbors know your age?” Lizzy laughed and poked you. She was what you would consider your girl bestfriend.

“Or maybe they know that you still have stuffed animals in your bed”,joked Simon and threw a pillow at him. “Hey, be careful, my drink!”, he exclaimed with a feigned outrage. You flipped him off. It wasn’t your fault that you could only go to sleep, while holding something in your arm.

“Don’t pout, come I’ll put the bracelet on. Then we get you a tiara and you’ll be a Disney princess.”Lizzy grabbed the bracelet of your hand and put it on you.

“And put the keychain thing to your keychain–”, Marcus said as they all laughed at your embarrassment. You gave them a look. 

“Really guys, do I have to?”, you whined. 

“Yes, give it to me, I’ll do it. You open the rest of our presents. I promise you’ll like them”, winked Simon and held out his hand. Reluctantly you gave him the key chain and started to open the other presents.

The other presents were way better. You got some games, wine and everybody plus your mom pitched in to buy you a new bike. They hid it in front of your door before. You had tears in your eyes as you thanked each of them. ‘You had the best friends’ 

After eating the cake there was nothing to stop you guys from going all out. Drinking games, Beer pong, dancing or just talking. Later on, Lucas and his girlfriend arrived around 10. At this point everybody was in a good mood and slightly drunk. On seeing the bike, Mary was offended that they hadn’t waited for them to give me my present. 

You were about to tell her that it was your birthday, when some of the others already apologized to her. Telling her they didn’t know when they would show up.Annoyed, you refilled your drink, and went back to the friends playing beer pong. You needed to get drunk more to be nice to her. She wasn’t even here for 5 minutes and everything had to resolve around her.

The party got louder and better, all having a good time. Half an hour before you wanted to leave Mary came to you while dancing, grabbing your arm. “Is that the bracelet you got from your neighbor? The others told me about it. It's so cute. Can I try it on? I always wanted something like this…”, Mary asked you with her stupid baby voice. She immediately tried grabbing it off your arm.

“Ehm, hey wait a second. Here, but I want back before we go.”, You didn’t want any drama today. She nodded her head, waved you off and reassured you that you would get it back in a second.

You did, in fact, not get it back within a second and when you were standing in the queue to the club, you realized that she still had it on. Now it was too late.

Inside the club your friends surprised you, they booked a small area to sit with a table in the middle. Some drinks and bottles, waiting for you in the middle. 

“Guys! You shouldn’t have!”, you exclaimed happily. 

“Only the best for you Birthday girl!” Simon cheered! Hugging you tightly. Celebrating your birthday never felt better. You did a few shots and then most of you went off dancing to the dancefloor for the next hour.

Coming back from the dance floor you sat back down exhausted. Every time you went out you asked yourself the same question. ‘Why did you even decide to wear heels today?’ All of you started to get new drinks and someone suggested to spice things up and play an old fashioned “Truth or Dare”. Without truth of course, because it was way too loud.

You loved these games, it was always fun to watch. Though you didn’t like doing dares yourself, always feeling a bit shy and easily embarrassed. Now with the alcohol you did feel more comfortable. Maybe you would be up to do a dare. As if reading your thoughts Simon yelled at you over the table “Y/N”. 

You looked at him with pleading eyes, your confidence dwindling. “Noo.. Please…”

“No! I’ve waited enough. I dare you to go out there and make out with a stranger!” he exclaimed, pointing to the dance floor. Some of your friends whistled at that. 

Not waiting for you to think about it Simon stood up. “Do you trust me? We go dancing and I promise I won’t let some creep near you. Only handsome guys?” He held out his hand. You thought about it. If not now, when would you ever do it? You needed to get over your own shadow. Quickly you emptied your glass. For the extra bit of confidence.

“Pinky promise?” you asked, feeling bold suddenly and holding out your pinky. He looked surprised and instantly linked your pinky with his. “Promisee.” happily he dragged you to the dance floor. 

“What's your age range? Still someone around your age?” Simon asked, wiggling his eyebrows. 

You rolled your eyes at his behavior. “I don’t know. He can be older… but not above 50!!” Simon pretended to be shocked at your revelation, holding his hand above his heart. 

“Older men! How scandalous!”, you jabbed his side. 

“Let's go before I change my mind.”, you threatened. As you made your way on the dance floor they started to play one of your favorite songs ‘Unholy’.

“As information, I’m going back as soon as I see you enjoy yourself. I’m not watching a full make out session from you.”, he shouted in your ear. Laughing, you nodded. Fair enough, you wouldn’t want to watch him make out with Sebastian either. Both of you started dancing to the music, stealing glances at the people around you. 

More like Simon was looking around, whereas you tried not to think about the dare too much. 

You felt the people dancing all around you. Swinging your hips and moving your arms around your body, you felt yourself getting lost in the music. 

Simon and you danced yourself further into the crowd. Someone bumped against your ass, touching it. Before you could even react somebody else pushed that person away. It was not Simon, seeing as he was still dancing right before you. He raised a brow gesturing behind you. Mouthing the simple word ‘Hot’.

While dancing you turned your head slightly to look behind. You couldn’t see much, all the flickering colorful lights made it hard to recognize anything. He was tall, broad shoulders and his hair seemed to be a bit longer. You continued dancing, Simon nodding at you. ‘Fuck it. Simon better not be wrong’ You trusted his judgment. In the rhythm of the music, you danced backwards until you found yourself practically grinding your ass on him. He didn't move away, dancing in sync with you.

One of his hands placed itself on your hip, pulling you even more against him. You felt a sudden rush of confidence, as you continued swaying your ass against him and felt something hardened in his pants. It felt huge. 

Using this confidence boost and as a confirmation you spun around, still dancing. ‘Could you do it?’ Looking up at his face, sadly, the flashing lights still barely illuminated his face. Looking closer you could make out a few facial features. He also had a slight beard. Even without knowing his exact looks, you felt a certain pull towards him. ‘I bet he is handsome’ You were not one to make the first move, but you were going to fulfill your dare. 

‘You could do it. You looked fucking hot  and you wouldn't see him ever again.’ Dancing against him, his slight erection pressing against you, you took the initiative, steadying yourself with one hand at his shirt. 'Why wouldn’t he take the first step? Why did the women need to take control in this situation?' Until now you were always the more experienced partner, so it was nothing new for you. Even though you would like some change. Him taking control, getting rough or just doing what he wants… Maybe you read too many dark romance books.

Slowly wandering with the other hand up his chest, resting it at his neck. Slightly you pulled his head towards you to push your lips onto him. His lips were rough. At first it was just you moving your mouth against his. You felt him putting away his drink on the high table next to you. 

As he still did not reciprocate the kiss and for a second you thought that you read the signs wrong. At least you fulfilled your dare. However as soon as you broke the kiss and stepped back, he roughly grabbed your face, pulling you back into him. Surprised by the sudden force of his grip, a small yelp escaped you, before he silenced it with a kiss. The action instantly sent a warm fuzzy feeling down to your core. 

Kissing you hard, your mouths moved in sync. His large hand on the side of your face kept your head in place. You winced slightly when he bit your lip, but he hardly seemed to notice. He tried to slip his tongue between your lips, but you denied it. 

Trying to gain control of the kiss and situation. You heard a low grumble from him, he seemed discontented with your attitude. You smirked against his lips, which seemed to annoy him further. Moving his hands down your body, he grabbed your ass, hard. The pain going straight into your core, making you moan into his mouth. He seized the opportunity to slip his tongue inside your mouth. 

This time you didn’t even try to get the upper hand, you liked that he was in control. Finally someone who was more dominant in these things. Giving you the time to explore this new, more submissive side. Letting go of your face he moved his hand down your body. Over your chest, stomach and finally resting at your hips, pulling you against him. Goosebumps traveled all over your body, where his hands touched you. Your brain felt dazed, this was the hottest makeout session you ever had. You didn’t care about his roughness or the biting, you rather liked it.

When he broke the kiss you were both panting heavily. Slowly, almost teasing, he traced his fingers up your spine before grabbing you by your hair and tilting your head upwards to look at him. Your mouth parted slightly, a small moan escaped your lips. It stung where he had his grip on your hair, but the slight pain turned you on even more. Sure you knew you liked reading about these kinds of things, but experiencing them made you feel even more aroused.  

For a split second, you thought you saw his panting expression change into a smirk. Before you could think twice, he kissed you again. Your mind instantly went blank, his kiss was like a drug. This kiss was slower, still rough but he set the tone. Moving his lips against yours, pushing his hand between your legs. You felt hot, everything felt way too hot to bear, never had you been kissed with such passion. You needed to be closer to him. You tried running your hands down his body. 

He removed his hands in an instant, grabbing yours and pushing them back to your sides. You let out a small whine. ‘What was going on with you? You never whined. You felt like a schoolgirl, making out for the first time’ Shaking his head disapprovingly, he turned away to grab his drink. Taking a sip, he held it near your lips, offering it to you. “It’s just water.”

You knew you shouldn’t drink from strangers, though you were way too drunk to think straight or even logically. ‘You wanted to keep making out and if that helped?’ Looking up at him you tilted your head forward against the glass and emptied the whole glass. You didn’t even realize how thirsty you were, and a glass of water seemed like a good option.

“Good girl.”, you heard his deep voice beside your ear. The loud music was making it hard to hear him clearly. The praise went straight to your core. He put his drink away and you began dancing to the music. More like grinding on each other. 

He still didn’t allow you to touch him much and you wanted nothing more than to travel your hands up and down on his body, or under his shirt. He leaned down, grabbing your hips to press you against him. Pressing his hard crotch against your lower stomach, making you inhale a sharp breath.  

“Can I get your number?” his deep voice mumbled against your ear. You pondered. It felt like he was growling. Slowly he began caressing your ear, gently kissing his way to your neck, making you close your eyes, leaning your head back to give him better access. Your legs were feeling weak. Running his thumb along your jawline, he sucked and bit in your neck, as he kissed his way back to your ear. 

“Please?” his voice was a low growl against your ear. Your eyes fluttered open again as you nodded, desire filled your body. You would do anything, if he kept going on like this. 

He kissed you softly this time and you bit his lip as he tried ending the kiss. You wanted to kiss him longer. You missed his warmth already, and also missed the dark look flashing up in his eyes. He pulled his phone out, tipping something before handing it to you. As you grabbed his phone, you felt yourself wobble to the side. Luckily he grabbed you in time and stadied you against his body. Now your back was pressed against his front.

You thought about grinding your butt against him, but as if sensing your thoughts he nudged you towards his phone. Looking at the screen, it was truly hard to concentrate for you. He kept sidetracking you by placing soft kisses on your neck.

Blinking rapidly you slowly made out the numbers. Your vision seemed a bit blurry, your eyes feeling so heavy. ‘You didn’t even drink that much’ After what felt like hours you successfully put in your number. As soon as you were done, he grabbed his phone back.

You were so drunk that you didn’t notice the contact already had a name. - Sweetheart - Turning back to him you nearly lost your balance, falling against his chest. His arm wrapped around your side, steadying you as he began walking you through the crowd of dancing people. You found it so difficult to keep your balance, you felt funny. You couldn’t seem to focus, everything stayed a bit blurred. You didn’t even know where he took you. Was he taking you home?

“Hey, sorry to bother you guys.”, he loudly said to someone over the music as he came to a stop. You leaned your face against his shoulder. You were really tired.

“You are her friends, right? I think someone put something in her drink, one minute she was fine and the next she could barely stand.” Your brows furrowed, ‘drugged? You were fine… when should that have happened? Didn’t those drugs work way quicker?’ Shocked gasps filled the air. 

“I thought I would bring her back to you, so you can get her home.” He had such a calming and sympathetic voice. ‘Why would he bring you back? You were having fun.’ You playfully bit him in his chest, making him tighten his grip on your hip. His lips pressed in a firm line.

“Yes, yes she is our friend. Oh fuck. Thank you so much man!” Four hands grabbed you off the stranger you were leaning onto. You pouted.

“No-o I don’t wa- want to”, your voice slurred, you sounded like a brat. Struggling against their grip, not wanting to leave his side, but they were stronger than you. Also your fight wasn't really that much of a fight as you thought, you could hardly stand straight. You didn’t even knew his name. His jaw clenched as he looked towards you and the two holding you, his eyes lingered on the arm of the girl.

“Yes yes, hopefully you got his number.”, said a high pitched female voice near your ear. It sounded like Mary. You looked around, it was Lucas and Mary who supported you. ‘Why those two?’

 “Why didn’t you tell me you liked older men?” Giggling, you shrugged your shoulders.

“He is so fine, maybe I should talk to him too.” Mary whispered in your ear. ‘What about her boyfriend?’

“Well, thanks again man, I’m Simon, her best friend. We’re taking her home asap, before something happens…” he began, as Lucas and Mary led you away. He gestured for them to stop, but they didn’t look back. Thus you couldn’t hear the rest of the conversation play out. It was a good thing. Drugged or not, your subconsciousness would have freaked out sooner or later.

“No problem Simon. It is what everybody would have done. Call me Cooper.”, he held his hand out for him to shake, which Simon gladly accepted.

“Nah, I don’t think so. Some sick fuck, may have taken advantage of her in a state like that. So thank you Cooper.. Shit, I just wanted her to have a good time on her birthday.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself Simon. I was glad I could help. Wish her a happy birthday from me, I hope she feels better in the morning.” Simon nodded, turning around to talk with the others and Cooper soon vanished in the crowd. Slowly your friends started to follow the three of you back to the entrance of the club. 

“Hey, Y/N you stay here and wait. Lucas and I get the jackets. Just hold onto the handrail of the stairs or sit down. You can stand on your own for a bit, can’t you? ”she asked, concerned and something different in her voice. You gave her a thumbs up before holding onto the railing again. 

“We will hurry as best as we can, the others should be here soon.” She came closer, whispering in your ear. 

“Also you can stop your show now. Yes it’s your birthday, but do you need that much attention?”, with that she and lucas made her way to the coat check waiting line. 

You let your head fall back as you take deep breaths. ‘Show? What show?’ Deeply breathing in the fresh air that was coming from the entrance. Few people were walking past you either coming in or leaving the club. Still it was hard concentrating on anything, but you were doing okay.

Until you weren’t. All of a sudden you felt something against your back and in the next moment you lost your footing and along with the grip on the handrail and flew down the stairs. Instinctively your body tried not to hit the ground face first. For that you turned around to face the top of the stairs. ‘Was there a man?’ you thought. Blinking once whoever you thought you saw was gone, just panicked bystanders. Did you hear Simon?

Your side painfully crashed first into the stairs, then continuing falling further down the stairs. You tried your best to stop or push yourself up, but failed. Someone behind you grabbed your arm to stop you. The only thing it brought you was, that you landed on your foot, with your butt while also twisting it in a painful way. 

(A/N: You know, I thought about it, Leaving you hanging right here. However a)  I should not end all my chapters the same, you could get bored and b) I’m not evil.)

Pain shot up from your foot, as your tears began to form in your eyes. “Fuck, Y/N.” Simon and Sebastian seemed next to you in mere seconds. Carefully they lifted you off the ground and gently removed your foot from under you. It hurt like hell.

“Is she alright?”, one of the bouncers came towards you from the entrance, having heard the commotion. 

“Hey, can you move your foot?” Simon asked. You gave it a try, whining instantly. Crying even more you shook your head, your brain was way too foggy to come up with a smart ass reply. 

“Where were you?” yelled an otherwise rather quiet Simon. 

“Getting our jackets...” began Mary.

“She was drugged and you left her alone? Are you serious Mary?” Lizzy yelled too, her face enraged.

“How do we know she really was drugged? Maybe she just played it to get away from that man?” Mary suggested in an annoyed tone. 

“What the fuck? Did you look at her? Does she seem like a normal drunk to you? You have seen her drunk before, but never like this!”, came Lizzy's angry reply.

“Also from what I saw in the beginning, she sucked his fucking face off! Didn’t seem like she hated it.” Simon countered. 

“Why did you even leave her alone in the first place? None of this would have happened! Lucas you have no brain of your own anymore?”, Sebastian joined their yelling. The statement made Lucas' face turn the darkest shade of red. 

“Fucking pathetic. Lets get her to the emergency room, someone order an uber?”Simon turned around angrily, and he and Lizzy helped you up. Each of them supported you as you hobbled down towards the streets. The way from the Club to the ER was gone in a blur. You couldn’t remember most of it. One minute you were leaving the club and in the next you laid on a bed in the ER. ‘How did you get here?’

You looked around for your friends, but the room was empty besides Simon who was sitting next to your bed with a worried expression. Your head felt clearer, you cleared your throat.

“So what did the doctor say, Simon? What's the damage?”, better get it over with.

“Well.. bad news first. You have a bruised foot and a hyperextended ligament. As a consequence you have to wear a bandage and walk on crutches for the next month at least.”

You sighed. It seemed like he wasn’t even finished with the bad news yet.  

“You also got a few bruises on your arms, legs and back. Buut the Good news– they've given you something to counteract the effects of the drugs, but you'll probably still have to sleep it off, to fully feel better.”

“Better?” you laughed “I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. Anything is better than this..”

“I know..” he said as he patted your head. “Listen, they want to keep you here overnight, but just call me in the morning and we will pick you up and drive you home, ok?”

Defeated, you nodded, he squeezed your hand and left soon after. Leaving you alone in the empty room. The rest of the night was uneventful. The nurses checking up on you from time to time, bringing you more water. Sadly they also woke you up at 6 to check your vitals again and give you painkillers. After one final talk with the doctor, getting instructions from him for the next weeks and your crutches, you were ready to go home. 

As promised Simon picked you up, he even cleaned your apartment from you and forbade you from helping. He was too kind. He even made Sebastian shop some groceries for you, which he brought over. So you didn’t need to stress about that for the next couple of days. About two hours later they left, telling you to call if you needed something. 

You never had a wild birthday like that before, but somehow trouble seemed to find you. It was just a small consolation that nothing had happened to you the last months.

Still exhausted, you laid back on the couch, still in your yesterday's outfit. Closing your eyes as you enjoyed the silence. The ping of your phone ringing loud through the quietness of your apartment. You grabbed your phone and held it above your face. It was from Simon, he left not even a minute ago. Did he forget something? You opened your Phone.

– I totally forgot to tell you something. I meant to wish you a happy birthday from the man from the club last night. He also wished for you to get well soon. –

A second message followed.

– You remember? The one you made out with? He said his name was Cooper. –

Cooper…You knew that name. There was only one person that came to your mind with that exact name. Alarm Bells were going off in your head, but whatever they gave you in the hospital was working. You weren’t shaking or panicking, you were rather calm, what confused you. 

That couldn’t be true, no. Surely you would have recognized him, even in the dim light of the club. It wasn’t that dark, was it? You rested your phone on your chest and began thinking about last night. Trying to remember, you realized that reconstructing the evening would be way harder than you thought. There were a lot of gaps in your memories and many were quite foggy. Perhaps it was because of the drugs mixed in your drink.

Sighing you closed your eyes, attempting to recollect what the stranger looked like. He was tall, had a small beard, you didn’t remember his eye or hair color, but his hair was a bit longer? You were unsure. You remembered his large hands on your body, holding your head in place while kissing you. He was strong for sure. 

‘Think straight!’ you warned yourself, already starting to feel hot again. Just thinking about it still turned you on. ‘If that was Cooper, the man from that concert. You were fucked.’ 

You tried to arrange your thoughts. Yes, you made out with him, a serial killer, and you liked it, you felt disgusted. ‘You didn’t know it was him. Why would he even be there? The possibility was close to zero’ Suddenly you remembered something. 

Didn’t you drink from his drink? Of course you were drunk before, but after that everything went downhill. Recalling how super drunk and tired you felt soon afterwards. It would all make sense.

Except… Why did he bring you back to your friends then? Perhaps it was a weird coincidence? 

Maybe you should ask Simon if his name was really Cooper. Maybe he misunderstood? That looked like a good option. Opening your phone, you started to answer Simon as a new message came in. 

It was from an unknown number. A simple: – Happy Birthday Sweetheart. –

It couldn’t be, you changed your number. Not many people called you that and you faintly remember Cooper calling you like that. Before you could wonder about it more, a second message from the same number appeared. What you read then made your heart freeze in fear, your pulse increased and hands started shaking, which made reading the message harder.

– You know, you were always nervous and so easily startled, like a cute little doe. Constantly on alert and looking around, to run away, at the slightest noise. Though if there were a little accident to happen. Where will you go now little doe, if you can’t even run? –

(A/N: nvm i am evil)

[kindred-spirit-93]

words

final exam tomorrow, still got work to do & panic is setting in (for realsies this time) so i decided it would be a great idea to put words together. will probably delete later lol but have this for now

dangit im having emotions again.

listened to die with a smile, and it reminds me so much as the world caves in oddly enough. the setiment is the same, albeit sung in polar opposite ways.

theyre both so soft and sweet. so different yet so similar. the love is so pure and deep, and remains as such both while waiting and preparing for the end.

--

so i reflect a little, because i think interpretations are more often than not reflections of ourselves. other times being external influence or some other variable. anyway

the beauty of love to me lies in its many colours and shades. to live and fall in love with life, of friends and family, for strangers and stars, hymns and humanity, for nature and knowledge.

apocalyptic love songs is probably my favourite genre of music ever. (honourable mention to wasteland baby btw)

theres something so soothing about the thought of having your person (or people) by your side at the end of it all… theres no going back to what we had nor what was, but i have you. had you. and thats all i want. wanted. augh

--

back to my inner turmoil, sometimes i wonder if i yearn to love (and be loved) because despite everything telling me otherwise i still see myself as unloveable. not truely at least. much less as deeply.

"water water everywhere, nor any drop to drink". i have so much to give but not for me. never for me. to so much as spare it a second of thought is sacriledge.

i crave to be held, and not to a standard. but how do you unlearn that.

--

'my soul has been put out and needs another to relight it', i think to myself. this dependence, the need for.. other, it scares me. it leaves me vulnerable. 'its inevitable though', i offer back sensibly. i can only hold the truth off for so long.

when i drop my unlit matches, am i waiting for someone to put them back in my hand? someone who will offer me a light anyway? will someone point out the fact and leave me to pick up after myself?

i continue to waste away in my thoughts as my matches are now rendered useless by the damp.

i dont notice.

[orchid-mantis-petals]

WHEN HOME BECOMES YOU CHAPTER 8

/ Hello!! HI!! I am so excited to drop this chapter it was so scrumptious to write.

/ As per the Poll (Which is now deleted) you loves asked for this Chapter tonight, I am here to give.

/ I forewarn, I have not proofread it this time. I am far too tired to try that tonight. So I will likely proofread and edit tomorrow AM.

/ As always thank you to @maximumkillshot for guiding and giving me ideas. And @taeminsung who is always quick to text me their reacts. Love you both!!

/ Last notes for now, I have a work schedule change coming up. Saturday will become the posting date for this fic. Baring any health complications I will update if there is a delay or of we're on track for the drop. This week will only have this chapter (Unless I get ballsy but with my flare up probably not). So without further ado here we go!!

/ Genre: ANGST, fluff, comfort, cuddles

/ Warnings: Blood (Reader and Bin), PTSD, panic attack, Screaming, crying, injury (Axel, and reader), wound care, SWEARING BECAUSE IM A FEIND (If I miss any comment below I'm very tired..)

/ Summary:

Changbin sleepily rubbed at his eyes as he followed the rest down to the vehicles. It wasn’t as though he slept. Your constant presence at his side that night just eased the tiredness that took time to come. Now he was sure once he was home he would fall asleep like the dead. He was polite enough to bow to the concierge on his way out. Outside the main lobby he shivered, the short sleeve shirt he brought with him wasn’t enough to keep him warm against the chilled air. Winter would make her own debut in the coming months. 

“Changbin, where’s your jacket??” Chan asked as he watched the younger shiver beside him. 

“I must have left it upstairs in Y/N’s apartment,” the group groaned. Most just wanted to go home and to bed after their long day ended so peacefully. 

Changbin sleepily rubbed at his eyes as he followed the rest down to the vehicles. It wasn’t as though he slept. Your constant presence at his side that night just eased the tiredness that took time to come. Now he was sure once he was home he would fall asleep like the dead. He was polite enough to bow to the concierge on his way out. Outside the main lobby he shivered, the short sleeve shirt he brought with him wasn’t enough to keep him warm against the chilled air. Winter would make her own debut in the coming months. 

“Changbin, where’s your jacket??” Chan asked as he watched the younger shiver beside him. 

“I must have left it upstairs in Y/N’s apartment,” the group groaned. Most just wanted to go home and to bed after their long day ended so peacefully. 

“Well hurry up Bin we’ll warm up the car,” Chan tossed the key fob to him he was thankfully alert enough to catch it before it fell to the floor. 

“Thanks!!” He stepped back inside the lobby and made sure he was quick to head up to your apartment. It felt like hours in his tired brain as he watched the elevator climb higher and higher until it finally dinged on the 8th floor. When he stepped off his feet dragged him to the familiar blank door that belonged to your home. He knocked once, twice, thrice with no answer. He heard sounds beyond the wood so he was sure you were awake. They hadn’t even left your garage yet. Not even two minutes ago he was wishing you goodnight with a gentle hug on the way out. It wasn’t until he heard your scream that he leapt into action.

Changbin was thankful to find your front door had yet been locked. Though he was sure he could force it open if he had needed to. There was no time for manners, not when his blood ran cold at the idea of you in pain. The short hallway that was your entryway didn’t yield any results as to why you had cried out so desperately. It wasn’t until he rounded the corner that he caught sight of you. The space behind your couch, just in front of the stairs. Quickly he came to join you. He only stopped when his sneaker crunched on something. At a closer glance he saw a shattered picture frame. The picture that once lay within was cut apart by the glass. There was no time for him to figure out why the photo and frame had such significance. Not when he could see the blood trickle down your hands, it pooled into the cracks of the floor below you. The jacket he left behind was now used to push aside the glass that lay around you. His goal was to protect whatever part of you he could. The sound of the glass drew your attention upward toward him. But in the glassy light your eyes gave off he could tell you were not with him. Your mind elsewhere, not a registered part of this world. 

“Y/n??” He called as he stood above you, not far off to your left he saw your cell phone. A call still counting up the time at which you were on with that person. He didn’t pay much mind to it any further, not when he felt your hand clasped around his wrist. He winced as the glass embedded in your palms scratched at his skin. His blood now mingled with yours as it dropped to the floor. 

“I promise, I promise to be good,” he was confused, what had you meant when you said you would be good. Had you been bad?? Had he done something to make you think you weren’t good or kind?? Your hand dragged his forward until it settled into your hair. You forced his fingers into a fist your hair caught in his palm. “See, I’m good..I’m so good. Please..I’ll be good if you stop hurting them..please..stop hurting them. I’m here..I’ll be good,” his breath left him fast at the sight of you on your knees like that. You begged for harm to befall you at the expense of another. Tears pricked at his eyes as you continued to beg him for something he wouldn’t dare give you. It was then he realized yet again, you were not here with him. Your brain had cast you into a vast hellscape. One that made him a monster to you, a monster more than willing to usher in pain, to make an example out of your misery. 

“Changbin, what’s taking-“ from the doorway he heard Felix but paid him no mind as he knelt in front of you with his hand letting go of your hair. He didn’t face the Australian, not when you needed him more. Felix called to you, but you didn’t respond. Your eyes locked with Changbin as the battle behind them turned into a war. 

“Felix, figure out who’s on the phone,” the young blonde nodded as he scooped up your device and moved to the kitchen to speak with whoever was on the other side. Changbin studied your face once more, small cuts across your cheeks had him worried glass had settled into more than just your hands. The streaks of blood wet with your tears as they continued to wash over the scratches on your skin. There was no spark in your eyes. No fire. Not in the ways he had come so used to seeing, not in the ways he’d slowly begun to love. Gently his hand soothed over your tangled hair, his aim to fix what his hand had messed up. Though he was careful to not add to the blood that was all over you. “My sweet Whimsy, it’s me. Changbin. Can you hear me??” His voice was so light so soft all he wanted was for you to come back to the world around them. 

“I'll never do it again. I’ll never leave you, just don’t hurt them. Don’t hurt anyone else,” Changbin stayed calm as you continued to beg for something that he’d never give. Something someone else had taken from you. 

“It’s okay Whimsy. Look me in the eyes. I am not who you are thinking of. I am not here to hurt you. Come back to me Whimsy,” his motions slow, delicate in regards to you. After a few minutes he could see some light come back to your eyes. “Sweet Whimsy, are you with me??”  There was a pause as you looked around the room, then down at your hands. 

“Yes..” your voice croaked with the effort to speak through the soreness he was sure you had in your throat. 

“Good, can I help clean you up??” When you nodded he slowly lifted you off the floor by your elbow and walked toward your bathroom. He looked to Felix, then to the mess on the floor in hopes the younger would understand what he was trying to ask. Your bathroom was small, but Changbin didn’t care. Not when you needed someone to help you. Not when you let him help you. Something all the boys had wanted to do for a very long time.. He settled you on the toilet with gentle hands before he set a towel on your lap to catch the blood that dropped from your hands. “Where’s your first aid kit??” 

“Under the sink,” he made sure you kept your hands still over the towel as he reached for the familiar white box that contained all first aid needs. He rummaged quietly as he sat on the edge of your bathtub. The tweezers were first. He apologized gently as he pulled each and every piece of glass from your palms and fingers. It startled him that you didn’t flinch, you barely registered each glass he pulled free from your hands. Occasionally he noticed a nerve pull the muscles, an involuntary reaction to what he was doing. Your control was scary. He began to wonder how many times harm had come to you?? How many times had you experienced pain at the hands of another?? “Bin??” He had stopped moving. Tweezers poised over your palms as he got lost in his thoughts. 

“Just seeing if any needed stitches,” he smiled kindly at you before he put away the tweezers. “This will hurt, I'm sorry,” he didn’t want to add more to your pain, but he knew the next part needed to happen if you were going to heal. Changbin decided to grab a towel close by and soak it in the alcohol rather than dumbing it into your open cuts. This way he had more control over the situation. One by one he cleaned the cuts on your hands and face. The only noise that was heard in the room was the soft rustling of Changbin as he began the process of bandaging your wounds and the soft sniffles you let out every so often. “Want to tell me about it??” Whatever this was, whatever had you, his kind and stoic Whimsy sobbing on the floor in terror was something Changbin wanted to protect you from. 

“I’m not ready. I am too afraid,” that was all you needed to say. Changbin understood, maybe not to the full extent. But he did understand the desire to process, gather and heal from it all before you spoke about it. He would give you time. As much time and desire as you needed. So long as you understood he was someone you could come to. 

“I’ll be here when you’re ready,” there was a knock on the bathroom door, Changbin didn’t miss the way you flinched and cowered away as it swung open. “It’s only Felix Whimsy,” he relaxed when you settled at the sight of the young blonde. 

“Hey there Starlight. Are you feeling better??” Changbin’s heart sunk when you shrugged your shoulders. He reached out to you and gathered you in his arms. 

“Let’s get you on the couch,” he laughed softly at your squeak when he lifted you with ease into his arms. When you tried to protest he only held you closer as he took the short walk from your bathroom to the couch. He was sad you didn’t cling to him like he saw women do in the movies. But he didn’t blame you either. Your hands had been cut apart, the delicate soft skin was sure to scar as they healed. He was gentle as he settled you onto the couch. Felix was right there with a blanket and your stuffed bear. 

“Starlight, I talked to Ivory,” there was panic that settled over your features. Changbin watched as your eyes darted between both of them. Your waterline turned pink as tears welled up in them. In one quick motion your knees came up to your chest as you looked down, your hair now blocked them from view. 

“Did she tell you??” 

“No, she said she had wanted to. But you would have been upset. I agreed with her,” both males relaxed when you did, your legs flattened out over the couch, the blanket wrapped tight over your body. “She did, however, recommend a detective here in Korea. She said he is an old friend of hers. She wants you to go see him. Begin the process of ‘finally filing that shit’ her words not mine,” Changbin felt his heart swell when you chuckled softly. Silence filled the room as both men made moves to get ready and go. Though Changbin hesitated with every single step. He didn’t want to leave you. In fact his entire body revolted at the idea of you here alone. He’d rather stay, rather keep you safe beyond just the care of your wounds. He was so unsure, so helpless in the idea of how to ask. He feared you would reject him if he had. That you would shut him out once more.. Just as they stood you snagged both their pant legs. 

“I-I don’t want to go alone,” you had reached out to them..Changbin would not turn you away. Not when you so clearly asked for his help. At one glance he realized his personal schedule was so full tomorrow. His help would have to wait. “But I want it done,” 

“I can go with you Starlight. Come to the Danceracha house tomorrow morning. I’ll go with you. Binnie has a big schedule,” 

“I’ll move it, all of it. For you Whimsy,” 

“Don’t you dare Bin. You’ve done more than enough for me tonight,” 

‘I will do so much more if only you’d let me,’ he thought. 

“You have NIZI tomorrow, Chan will need you more than I will. Lixie will be perfect company,” Changbin chewed on his lip but nodded as he let you win, this time. 

“I’ll keep my schedule if you promise to call me..” 

“I can live with that,” you smiled softly to them both, but he saw how it didn’t meet your eyes. He saw you fiddle with the frayed ends of your bandage. He’d stop you if he weren’t afraid he’d hurt you in the process. For now he settled with resting his hand over your knee. His hands were so calm as he drew your attention back to him. 

“I will be here if you need me,” the uncut pads of your fingers came to rest over his hand on your knee. He was thrilled you felt comfortable enough to reach out to them. To finally let them in, even just a little. “I am going to walk Lixie to the cars. If you’ll let me, I'd like to stay. Just to make sure you’re okay through the night. I can drive you to Lix’s dorm in the morning,” he watched your eyes dart around once more, he was sure you’d protest to the idea. But deep in his heart he hoped you’d let him stay. Whatever you wanted he would do. He would respect every choice you made.

“Please stay,” Changbin could tell it was hard for you to make this choice. Hard to let people in. In his head he celebrated, but outwardly he simply nodded and soothed over your hair once more.

“I will be right back Whimsy. Can I tell Chan what happened??”

“Yeah, I trust him,” that was all you needed to say. He let Felix say goodnight to you once more before he followed the young male out of the apartment. 

“Lix, are you doing okay??” he was gentle as he asked, they all knew the empath Felix was. While he could handle any situation with remarkable depth and strength, Changbin also knew how much of a toll it took on him. Softly he chuckled as the aussie sagged against his side. His own arm wrapped around the younger to keep him close as they watched the elevator tick down.

“I’m okay, tired, but okay. I just don’t want Starlight to suffer alone anymore,”

“Me either Lix. We just have to keep trying. Keep being there for her,” Changbin felt the younger nod into his side as the elevator opened. When it had he scooped Felix onto his back as he walked to the front entry. The effect was immediate, from his back the blonde laughed as he kicked his legs in time with Changbin’s steps. It was only when he was beside the cars did he set Felix back on his feet. From there the younger found refuge in Hyunjin. Changbin made eye contact with Chan as the rest began to pile into the car; he motioned the leader to come out and speak to him. 

“What’s up Bin, everything alright??” Once clear of the prying ears the other members had Changbin nodded.

“Y/N had a panic attack. She didn’t really share what was going on. But she was pretty upset. I asked to stay over, to make sure she sleeps okay,” Chan nodded, and Changbin didn’t miss the worry that flashed behind his eyes before he settled back into the calm collected look he always had when he was deep in thought. “I won’t be late to schedule tomorrow,”

“That wasn’t even a thought Bin. If Sandy needs you then we will make it work,” Chan looked back at the vehicles before he nodded. “I’ll leave one of the cars here for you to drive tomorrow. Just give Y/N a hug for me,” Changbin nodded, he didn’t comment on the nickname Chan let slip for you. He himself was far too tired and preoccupied with your well being to tease his leader. He’d save it for tomorrow, while they got ready for NIZI. He waited on the lobby stoop while Chan rearranged the cars. After it was all settled Chan handed over a set of keys before he gave Changbin a squeeze to the arm. “See you in the morning,” Changbin waved the others goodnight from where he stood before he wandered back inside and up to you. When he returned he wasn’t surprised to have found you had fallen asleep where he put you on the couch not even ten minutes earlier. As gentle as possible he scooped you up. Blanket, stuffy and all tucked neatly into his arms as he walked up to your bed. He was happy that you didn’t wake at all as he settled you into your bed for the night. Changbin gently tucked you in before he wandered away from your side. He wasn’t sure he would sleep at all the night, not when there was an obvious threat that loomed over your safety. Still, he knew you’d be upset if he didn’t try. Beside your front door he spotted a baseball bat, he wasn’t sure the purpose you used it for. But tonight it would stay by his side as he slept on your couch. The blanket Felix had originally wrapped you up in was left behind on the couch. With one last glance up at your loft Changbin settled in for the night. That said blanket now wrapped around himself, the familiar scent of your shampoo wrapped him in warmth as he drifted off into a listless slumber. 

“PLEASE!! STOP!!” Changbin was up on his feet before he could even register what had happened, the bat in his hand he checked the front door. Still locked and bolted. “I’M HERE DON’T HURT THEM!! TAKE ME!!” when he heard you cry out again he took off from the front door to your room. At the foot of your bed he watched you thrash under the blankets he so calmly wrapped around you mere hours before. In seconds he was at your side his hand soothed into your tousled hair.

“Whimsy, darling it's a dream,” he called to you as he waited patiently to wake up from the nightmare. It didn’t take long for you to shoot up out of bed and latch onto the front of Changbin’s shirt. “Hey, hey it's me, Changbin,” his voice was low, gentle, and calm as he spoke to you. He waited for you to figure out where you were. Your eyes darted around the room then came to meet his as you began to calm. “Hey there Whimsy,” 

“Hey,” you sighed as you let your hands drop from his shirt. His eyes never left your body, tonight had done enough to you. Yet all it wanted to do was take more from you with every given second. Changbin settled on the bed beside you, not too close yet close enough that if you needed him he was there. Silence fell over the both of you. It was comfortable, and clear as though it was meant to be. He waited until he felt you were calm enough before he stood up to go back down stairs. “Wait,” he stopped as you snagged the hem of his shirt. “Please don’t go,” 

“Are you sure you’re comfortable with me here?? I don’t want to overstep,”

“I am. I’m afraid to be alone. Please,”  he hadn’t meant for you to beg. Because he would give you anything you wanted when you wanted it. No questions asked. 

“Okay Whimsy,” after you settled down beneath your blankets he joined you on the other side of the bed. He tried to not take up too much space, it was hard with his size sometimes. Yet he still tried his best to not crowd you on the bed. Changbin wanted you to come to him, he didn’t want to push your boundaries. So he settled down beside you, his back rested against the silken sheets, he felt awkward and stiff. It was when you reached out to take his hand that he finally relaxed against your bed. His fingers wrapped in your as he turned to face you. “Sleep well Whimsy. I will be here by your side when you wake,” 

“Thank you Changbin. For everything,” he watched you sink into your blankets, your eyes half lidded as sleep dragged you under once more. The soft sound of your breaths evened out with your slumber is what eased Changbin to fall asleep beside you. His hand in yours, he knew from that moment on he’d protect you at all costs.

****  ****  ****  ****

New message: Ivory: Please go see Himora, I know he can help. Axel made it through surgery. 

TAG LIST:

@taeminsung @maximumkillshot @feybin @alex--awesome--22 @liknws @palindrome969 @newbbystay @highlydestiny

[shessofineliterallyhitmewithacar]

i always wanted a boyfriend

he asked me out so I said yes

he was cute enough, ruffed up hair and pretty eyes

it could work, I thought

until it came to talking, he wasn't that much of one

hard to make conversation,

like talking to a brick wall

but I could make it work, it probably just took time

we went out once, to the movies with his friends and mine

got kicked out halfway through for sneaking in,

walked around the shops instead

i had 2 panic attacks and the shops that day

dating this guy just didn't feel easy like I thought it would

cause he liked me, a lot infact

but I really didn't see him as anymore than a somewhat decent looking guy in my class

his jokes weren't funny

his personality straight off of his basic fyp

we really just couldn't have conversations

but he called me pretty,

said I was nice and looked cute

plus surely talking would just come with time

yes 1 month from now we'd be inseperable

but up came one month and nothing had changed

i sat next to him in class

knees touching

but we really didn't mesh

he talked to his friends, when he talked at all

and I talked to mine feeling awkward as hell

suddenly dating him became a chore

and I was looking at other guys, wishing none of this happened at all

cause I didn't get my first kiss,

i didn't even get a hug.

i decided this just needed to stop

so I told my sister and I told my friends

my first year 8 relationship would be put to an end

so I figured out the words I was going to text him

on the busride home, dreading the conversation ahead

but then I felt a ding, from pocket in my shirt

his kinda-friend texted me

"don't do this to him"

"if u do it do it nice

i know you want to break up with him

thats so sick"

how did he know?

"I'd dont like him anymore and I don't wanna string him along

i feel really shitty about it

but he'll be okay right?"

screenshotted

"hey no

dont send that let me do it myself

if you do it'll be even worse"

"that's really low"

how?

i no longer like him

am I meant to date him forever

im doing the right thing

i don't want to lead him on that's horrid!

"I sent it

and I know you like someone too,

you're dating him,

how could you do that?"

"that's why I'm breaking up with him

he did nothing wrong

but I just lost feelings

and feel so shit about it

please make sure sure he's okay"

last thing I needed was someone making me me feel worse bout this desicion

it was mine to make and I'm not taking it back

i don't want to date him so I wont

i texted him to make sure was okay

he had deleted a chat

"I'm really sorry

i didn't want to do it this way

you didn't do anything wrong

i just lost feelings

im really sorry"

left on read

great

i could feel the half the year already talking bad about me

so many of them were at training together

i asked the girls

ava said he looked really sad, shit

i could hear the voices

"did you hear Audrey dumped Cody?

yeah she liked someone else too slut

cant believe she did it

3 days after one month too wtf

slut

whore

bitch

who does she think she is?"

i have a class with half of them tmr

fuck I can't wait

i can see it now

"why did you break up with him

who do you like

why did you do it

hes heartbroken

what about the bracelet

he said he loved you and you do this

why would you do that

worst girlfriend

bet you're already dating someone else

are you really that much of a slut

i know you wore your skirt short but I didn't think you were really a slut Jesus"

shut up

"whore"

shut up

"slut"

shut up

"cheater"

SHUT UP.

i should've never said yes to being his girlfriend

i said it to avoid confronatation

'for the plot' they say

they never say the endings to those stories tho do they?

im gonna talk to him in person tomorrow tho

i never intended to

but I have to don't I?

to make sure he's okay,

but I know it's mostly for damage control

to make sure they don't all hate me

does that make me a bad person?

maybe

i can't help it tho

i never wanted it to end like this

i knew I didn't like him, merely the idea of him,

i knew it when it started

but I couldn't help tho

i had to have the attension

fuck

there goes my first high school relationship and there goes the soccer TSP actually liking me

i guess I'll see what really happens tomorrow.

[nightcall99]

Dreams from 27.6.24

Dream 1: I'm at work preparing for something big like a head office inspection. It felt bigger than that though. MN was on the sidelines guiding me with tasks left to do. I was running around everywhere like a headless chicken but I didn't feel panic, I was just focused on what I had to do. The place looked completely different, bigger, like I was taking care of shopping centre almost. I remember in the back room there was a huge pile of gifts which were orders that had never got delivered to the recipients. I never knew this section even existed. It was something that the intern KA knew about and had been trying to handle. I saw a list of orders on the computer screen, one of them was from someone called 'Bob Boss' (prob K) who had cancelled his order. I deleted the message so it wouldn't pop up again. They were also going to check how we presented ourselves. My staff card needed to be changed to the temporary version which is something we print out on white paper. Everyone had them in their lanyards and I was the only one with the normal red hard-card.

At one point I was in a large room putting away stock. I was trying to avoid SM who was talking with a few other people nearby. As I got close, I became hyper-ware of my body and felt really awkward. We didn't acknowledge each other which I was upset by, but felt there was no choice because I was busy. Also, MN had been helping me but I thought he was about to go home and basically leave me to handle everything. But it turns out I'd misunderstood and he'd only been on his lunch break because he put his uniform back on. Throughout this dream, there's just this feeling like something big is happening which I was preparing for.

Then at the conclusion of this dream, my brother's 'spirit' came down from upstairs (irl he doesn't live with us) and just stood there in the dark, by my bed. It was really freaky, I got really scared. I tried to move away from him but it's like I was paralysed. There was a really strong energy emanating from him, and he seemed taller than ever. Then he leant down and opened his mouth to suck my soul out, exactly the way dementors do in Harry Potter. I tried to scream and woke up.

After I woke up and as I was jotting down this dream in my notes, I suddenly remembered a dream from yesterday where I was finally getting round to doing that forgotten assignment from all those recurring dreams. I was getting into the nitty gritty of it.

Dream 2: I was at the airport to go on holiday to Europe. This time, everything had been taken care of and we were inside of a small plane, which was probably just a helicopter. There were 8 people of us. The pilot told us the flight was for 12 hours. As we were flying I asked, How can we go to the toilet? Because I don't think there was one. I was really concerned about not being able to go for that long. The pilot made a stop somewhere.

Then I was walking around in the streets of London but it was whatever. It didn't feel different at all, it's like how it always feels when I'm walking around in my home city. I was walking through an alley when some shady guy tried to get my attention. I quicky brushed him off and kept walking. Then I kept thinking about how I need to get back home for my shift on Sunday which was 'tomorrow'. It turns out I'd only taken a few days off for this trip and didn't realise it would run into Sunday for some reason. I was thinking about the fact that I could easily just forget about it and stay here. Should I even tell MN? I could just not show up. I was enjoying this time off. In the end I decided I needed to get back.

I ended up catching a plane back which only took 8 hours and I was home again. In the next scene I was at work, doing all the usual things. I was putting stuff away. I had not told anyone where I had been the past few days. Then I realised that I had to get back to London/Europe. This time it felt like it would be for a duration even less than before, perhaps only for one day. I wasn’t sure if i should tell MN or just go and not say anything.

Dream 3: There's a movie or show that's about to start and I'm waiting with my friend in the foyer. We befriend two other dudes, and we're all waiting together. We had just brought some snacks from the kiosk and were sharing them, pouring them into each other's containers. Mostly it was just candy. They had started it so I was retuning the favour since it was only fair. It felt like we were just passing time too. They seemed nice. Then we were about to go in but it turns out my friend and I had left our 'keys' in the car. (I think without them we wouldn't be able to get to our seat, so read: ticket, I guess). I looked at my friend (not someone I recognise) and I hadn't noticed it before but she was pregnant. She said, My parents gave me some in the car so I'll go get it now. She turns to leave. I think about how she'll have to go through all the checks to get inside again but there was no way around it. All I know is it's time to get seated because it's about to start.

Dream 4: I went into the hair salon with my friend (who I don't recognise) and to see how much it would cost for a cut. I could see they were finishing up with another client. It was one of those cheapo Asian places, and there was a language barrier with the ladies. I asked the how much it is to get a perm and she didn't answer my question, just started talking about clozapine (anti-psychotic drug) which was so random. I ended up leaving since we were getting nowhere.

Dream 5: In the dream, a long time ago, a customer at the shop I used to work at (a middle aged white man) gave me his divorce papers for safe-keeping. I was only just remembering this now, as if I had to go take them out now or something.

[pocketramblr]

au where giran is mustards dad

I know of a couple people who used to think this really canon but I think it can be fun in aus, and is indeed more fun because I think the order of operations went like this:

Mustard tries to get into a hero school so he can be a leak and a cool spy, fails

Giran shrugs because it's no big deal and really if his kid focuses on moving Intel around rather than just spying on one area he opens himself up to way more opportunity and potential profit

Instead of saying that he just says "you got lots of other options"

Mustard decides then that he'll be a full fledged villain then, because he is fourteen years old and desires combat rather than ugh, being like his dad

Mustard steals Dabi's gun

Mustard demands to join the lov vanguard too

Giran and Shigaraki look at each other. Shigaraki really does not want more brats along. Giran figures this could be a valuable learning experience and shrugs again. Mustard goes to attack camp

Mustard gets arrested

Giran waits until the Kamino drama rolls over so that he knows where exactly Mustard is being held, and then gets Kurogiri to warp him out.

Mustard is a fourteen year old who did not want to learn a lesson and so sulks, but does give up trying to find cool options for him. He decides that stealing Dabi's gun was fun and that he wants to focus on procuring product rather than information, focusing on sneaking and smuggling

Knowing this, Giran then asks for the bullets Shigaraki got off Chisaki in return for Compress's significantly discounted prosthetic. They're able to pretty quickly deduce which bullets are the eraser and which are the cure, (hint: they know one hero got his quirk permanently erased and there's one bullet missing from one box leaving five, but six in the other) but decide to hold off on selling either now. Instead they use the one extra surplus cure to start looking into replication with whatever tech connections/experience Giran used to rig up a Queen Bee killing device for KD in Vigs

All of that means that Mustard is able to very quickly hide when the MLA comes calling for Giran. And that he's able to shoot and delete two of the attacker's quirks, which as you can imagine is very destressing to them

Mustard immediately rolls up the the LoV and fills them in on what happened to Giran, and tells them they better help track down the group who did it, because Mustard plans on leveraging some of the cure bullets in return for his father's release

Shigaraki thinks that's a fair enough request but he's not sure how they're going to hunt down the attackers as Giran is the best information one in the party. Twice wants to get looking right away, or maybe tomorrow. Everyone else's reaction is "wait, you aren't in jail?"

I think Mustard was probably told that in case of emergency he was supposed to nuke Giran's computer and contacts rather than let it taken by whoever got him, but in his panic, focusing on shooting back, staying hidden, and also being a rebellious fourteen year old he didn't end up doing it. This leads to the MLA still being able to eventually hack in and get the Intel on the LoV, as well as the very interesting information that Giran has a son, even if his real name is never used and he's only referred to as "Mustard." I expect that the MLA would move on to threatning the kid as soon as they realized nothing else was going to get information out of Giran, and I hope they say something like "we found your son, you want him to see you in this state or join you?" about 1.2 seconds before the wall of the room crashes down and said kid and the rest of the LoV are there ready to fight

[gloomysoup]

hey guys question. i've been a tad bit of a writing slump (i hate everything i write and end up deleting it) and i've hardly posted any worthwhile content lately, so i was thinking of doing a version of wip weekend starting tomorrow. just to kinda get some more content out and hopefully pick back up with some of my currently abandoned wips. but i can't decide if it seems like a good idea right now. or if it would even be worth it. i haven't done wip weekend or even wip wednesday in a while, and even then, i wasn't getting a lot of foot traffic.

idk maybe this is just me being slightly weird about how big my little corner of the internet is getting and honestly being a little clueless about a lot of things... and also maybe seeking validation... BUT that's not the point. the point is that i'm probably going to spend my weekend off trying to write and possibly doing wip weekend to make it interactive for anyone who seems to care about anything i have to say (i still can't believe that's happening)

okay that might not have made much sense but that's what we're going with and i'm choosing not to read it over again before i hit post bc otherwise i'll panic and not post anything at all. good night.

[bongo50ize]

an accident of the lyrics of his mother's songs. first part

description: Jack and Wanderlust who are at a karaoke place Wanderlust and jack accidentally said some stuff to his mom. if Night Swan sees this they will kill him. he asks his friends to prevent him.

we can see Wannabe Singers it's night. inside there's jack and wanderlust singing.surrender. jack and Wanderlust singing: Whenever you're ready, whenever you're readyWhenever you're ready, whenever you're readyCan we, can we surrender?Can we, can we surrender?I surrenderOoh-ooh-oh, oh-ohI surrenderthe audience applauds.the next morning jack he woke up then there are under the computer to see the video. that goes on the Internet.it was yesterday's video that jack and wanderlust who sang karaoke. Rubika in the video she said: I applaud you jacklust duets. jack in the video he says thank you support send a man in the video standing up saying i want to listen to a joke from mother jack.Wanderlust in the video in the video he said: OK. he takes his microphone he said missing: Night Swan is a loser. jack in the video laugh he said in fun: yeah mom be sad forever.Wanderlust he said: his hair is really awful. jack who sees the video shocked. jack in the video he said: you have horrible hair mom.jack who panics that if his mother sees that she will not be happy at all.jack running into Wanderlust's room. Wanderlust he said: hello my singer. jack he says: you have to go see the video. when Wanderlust you see the video he was shocked. jack he says: you see I mean? Wanderlust he says: yes if your mother sees this video she will kill us. jack he says: yeah I thought the same thing I will warn the others. but first I'm going to take a shower.30 minutes later Here we see Danceverse 5's house having breakfast as the 4 watch jack who was stressed that his mother was watching the video. Sara and say worryingly: something wrong? wanderlust he says: last night we did karaoke and I didn't know it was on the Internet. Mihaly she says nicely: so what happens in this video? jack he says wanderlust and I said some bad stuff about Night Swan. Brezziana he says: it's good for her to do something bad to me! Mihaly she says: Brezzi is not very nice but she deserved it.Sara she says: jack does your mother check the Internet every day. jack he says: no, probably she goes on the Internet twice a week. wanderlust while drinking his coffee and then he says: after breakfast we launch an operation that Night Swan does not see the video how. jack he says: or we will ask Rubika who erases the video30 minutes later in the park we can see Rubika who is sitting in a bench. jack he says: it is you that you put videos online. Rubika she says: yes it is me. wanderlust asked: can we remove the video. Rubika she says: why am I going to remove the video? look I have 2000 views.wanderlust he says: ifNight Swan who learns that we must have said some bad things about her. she is going to kill me.Rubika she says: no I don't want to lose my 2000 since it's been a hit.the Danceverse Crew they are disappointed that Rubika who did not agree to delete the video.

to be continuedsorry the text is very long I have to do two parts the second second part which will be released tomorrow.

[beej-hunnicutt]

Anxious ramble, probably will delete I APOLOGIZE.

I'm so so so nervous for tomorrow, like I know it's gonna be fine but I cannot shake that feeling. And I think it's starting to make me anxious about other minor things and I am starting to panic. But peace and love hopefully this will pass..

[ramadoodles]

Making my New Year's resolutions achievable- Part 1

Because as with most things in life, you can't just say that you'll achieve something and then simply get it unless you've prepared yourself for success beforehand.

So I've got to break down each of my New Year's resolutions into easy steps that I can take- so that I'll be able to reach them, ideally on December 1st. I'll leave the extra month for leeway in case some goals take longer than expected.

The first three goals are technically easy, but I need to be constantly alert-

Keep a 24h daily time diary

Keep a food diary

Keep a workout/recovery diary

It's just a matter of setting up the diaries (done), making them easily accessible (done), and writing in them constantly (that's a toughie). But it's something I've tried and failed before, so I'm much more confident with these resolutions.

Next goal is probably the worst one I have on the list.

Limit screen time to 2 hrs per day

.....well fuck.

I'm going to need distractions- need to set my phone to black and white to reduce interest, need to delete social media apps, and need to fill my time with other unrelated activities. I can make a list of all the other tasks I need to do to finish my resolutions, and every time I feel the urge to go on my phone, I can do something off that list. Fuck, this one's hard.

The next two goals are going to be so easy in comparison-

Run a marathon

Take 15 minutes off of my half marathon time.

The secret to running, as per Frank Shorter, is two hard workouts and a long run per week, as much volume as I can safely handle, repeat for months and years.

How to safely handle running high volumes- a combination of relaxation techniques, adequate rest, and stretching/strength training. Also 8-10 hours of sleep. And since the changes are so incremental, I'll have to follow up with this goal every day. So I'll have to sleep for eight to ten hours every day, for the rest of the year.

Love to start off my resolutions with a challenge.

I'll have to set up a routine- tentatively long run goes on Sundays, faster runs and sprints go on Wednesday and Friday, Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday are for upper body/lower body/running specific workouts, Monday's a rest day unless I'm feeling well-rested and sadistic, and I have to nix caffeine past 4pm and stop using electronics at night, so I can sleep better.

Apply for higher education and complete the required tests/paperwork

OK.

First I'm going to make a list of higher education degrees I'm interested in. Then I'm going to make a list of things I need to do in order to acquire a higher education degree.

Then I'm going to reblog this post with a list of things I need to do to get on the degree path.

I'm not going to panic. It's just a degree. It's just enquiring about and preparing for a degree. I don't have to do this if I don't want to.

Ok that was enough for today, I'm exhausted. I'll just follow up with all the changes I've listed here, and tackle more resolutions tomorrow. It'll still be the 31st somewhere, amirite?

[pidgecv]

i have to get up on time tomorrow and i’m exhausted and can hardly think thoughts in properly. anyways i know it’s not my job to think about but i’m thinking abt how jo would have a particularly rough time with V going on his fucking journey of enlightenment.

aka unfinished bullshit where the second V leaves, everything is a lot less functional and Cleo immediately sustains a head injury.

i’ll be surpised if this makes any sense tomorrow morning and even more surprised if it’s any good.

knowing me i speedran mischaracterization

feeling cute might delete later idk teehee :p

Naturally, things were going to be a lot less efficient without V around. Cleo had admittedly always been a bit of a follower, and if it weren’t for the fact that she had plenty to do between the glorified chore list V left them to split and her own intensifying search for Ellie, she’d probably be a lot more lost than she was now.

Jo had been particularly despondent the last couple days. Ever since V had pitched the idea of him going out on his own for a while, Jo had become mopey and generally unpleasant. Cleo would be lying if she said she wasn’t worried about him herself, but this was ridiculous. The day V actually left, Jo spent 3 hours glaring at the door. At the same time, Cleo could hardly find a second alone now. Jo was acting very clingy, which when paired with the upset bitchiness was bound to end poorly. This ended up coming to a head when Cleo was about to go check out a lead on her sister’s location.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Jo spat with all the confidence of a righteous mother scolding her child. Cleo was not having it.

“Out. Just because V’s out there fucking soul-searching or whatever doesn’t mean I’ve gotta stop what I’ve been doing.” She met Jo’s glare with an annoyed look of her own.

“Like hell you’re going without me. We’ve gotta stick together now even more than before. Besides, we were just out scavenging, and we’ve got more than enough to do in the base right now.”

“I’ve done my packing for the day. I’m not grounded or anything and I��m an adult, I can leave the damn base.”

“This is different and you know it. There’s actual danger out there. I know you saw the infected as well, and with V gone we’ve lost our resident medic.”

“We haven’t ‘lost’ anyone. Besides, I’m not going to get hurt. I leave the base on my own all the time. Why’ve you got a problem with it now? What the hell has gotten into you?”

“What are you even talking about?!”

“You’ve been acting strangely ever since V decided to leave.”

“Did you forget about the BOMB THREAT?!”

“I know DAMN well that THIS isn’t about the bomb threat. You’re upset that V left and now you’re taking it out on ME.”

“Well, MAYBE you should’ve helped me convince him to stay.”

“I tried, jackass! He wouldn’t hear it and you know that.”

“It’s dangerous to be alone out there and we should be sticking together right now!”

“You think I don’t KNOW that?! I’m not LEAVING I’m going OUT for a little.”

“Like hell you are!”

“Oh my fucking god Jo, you’re not my mom.”

“I’m not letting you leave me too!”

“I’m not GOING ANYWHERE!”

“DAMN RIGHT!!”

“I’M GOING OUT WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. MANIFEST YOUR DAMN ISSUES SOMEWHERE ELSE!!” Cleo shouted, shouldering Jo out of the way in an effort to leave the base. Jo grabbed her arm and in a desperate, frustrated panic yanked her backwards hard enough for Cleo to go crashing to the ground. The side of her head hit the wall behind them with a loud crack and Jo froze, unsure of what to do.

Jo had not meant to do that. Frankly, she wasn’t sure what she’d meant to do or why she was so worried about Cleo leaving in the first place. Maybe she didn’t want to deal with an injury since it would mean more work for her. Maybe she didn’t like the tone Cleo had taken on while talking to her. Maybe it was the thought of being alone again, sitting in a house that’s empty save for the silence filling every corner of every room. Maybe she had been scared.

Meanwhile, Cleo somehow remained conscious but deeply confused. Her glasses had been knocked off from the impact which only fueled her disorientation. She wasn’t sure if her vision had been messed up by the fall or if she just needed to find her glasses. A blurry figure loomed over her, before kneeling at her side (why was Cleo laying down?) and handing her her glasses. The lights were very bright and her head hurt (did she hit her head?). She put her glasses on but her vision remained blurry and strange (she would ask her mom to schedule an eye doctor appointment when she came home from work).

“Cleo?” Cas asked her, as she started propping herself up on her elbows. The slight motion made her head throb and the edges of her watery vision darken and blur.

“Cas, can you call for Hannah? I think I’m sick.”

“What? Cleo, you hit your head. I’m just going to go get some ice.” Cas declared, sounding uncharacteristically lost.

“We don’t have any ice kiddo, it’s the apocalypse. Remember?” Cleo laughed humorlessly, managing to sit up against a wall. Ellie said nothing in return as Cleo felt her eyes slip shut. But she couldn’t nod off, she was in a lecture. Something warm trickled down the side of her head and onto her shoulder. Cleo raised her hand.

“Put your hand down Cleo, and hold this to the side of your hea- oh fuck.”

“Professor, can I go to the nurse?”

“You know what? Sure. Cmon man, up you go.” thin arms looped around Cleo’s torso and pulled her up. The fuzzy world pitched around her and she could barely put one foot in front of the other. The ice pack fell from her loose grip almost immediately, hitting the floor with a clatter that pierced her brain like a hot knife.

“Whysm head ‘urt?” Cleo asked, words starting to slur as she navigated the fuzzy world.

“Uh, you hit your head.”

“Oh.” Cleo returned her focus to moving her legs. Her vision started to fade out at the edges.”

“Cas, i thinkm gonna fall—“ The last thing Cleo heard before her vision went dark was a panicked voice she couldn’t place saying something in response.

She’s fine btw

unused line: “Jo had no idea what to do. Not just with Cleo, but herself.”

they both agree to never tell V about this. whether he finds out regardless is up to interpretation.

i know nothing about head injuries and i don’t care to do research. i am well aware that this type of thing would take a long ass time to heal but i’m ignoring that bc i think it’s funnier if they do not tell V.

[survey--s]

667.

Do you take a walk every day? I walk dogs for a living so I'm out for 4-5 hours during the week. I do as little as possible at weekends though, I like the break.

Who was your favourite musical artist when you were 15? Do you still listen to them? Fall Out Boy, Green Day and Panic! At the Disco. I don't really listen to any of them anymore.

What's your preferred way of getting the news? Just online or via social media.

If you go to flightradar24 dot com to see the radar, are there any planes or helicopters in your area right now? The nearest one is a SwissAir plane going from Zurich to Montreal. It's just off the coast at the moment.

When was the last time you ate at a food court and what did you get? God, years ago. We don't have any food courts anywhere near us. I probably had Chinese.

Would you consider yourself traditional/old-fashioned? In some ways I guess.

How do you like your eggs cooked? I only really like poached eggs, though fried can be okay sometimes too.

Have you ever taken a ride in a yellow car that wasn't a taxi? Maybe? I don't really remember. Taxis around here don't tend to be yellow anyway.

What was the last thing you had to return to a store and why? I can't remember the last time I returned something - probably when I worked in retail and had some jeans that faded really fast and developed a hole.

Do you need to get groceries right now? No, the food shop only arrived a few days ago. I tend to shop once a week.

What's your favourite place to go on vacation? Italy, Scotland and Canada.

What state/territory did you grow up in? Do you still live there? Suffolk, England. And no, I do not.

What colour were the last socks you wore? Grey and cream.

Do you mark your emails as read even if you didn't open them, or do you let them just sit there? I check my e-mails and delete them at least five times a day. A messy inbox really stresses me out, hahah.

Do you have a LinkedIn profile? I do but I can't remember the last time I used it.

Have you ever done your own compost? Yeah. We had a compost heap at home when I was growing up.

Do you have any plans for tomorrow? If no, what about the day or two after that? Yeah, work - the same for the following two days ha.

Would you ever get a tattoo on your hand or foot? No. I hate people touching my feet and I don't like hand tattoos.

Do you open your doors and windows on warm days? Windows yes, doors no as otherwise the cats would get out.

Are the blinds/curtains in the room open or closed right now? One set are closed, the others are open.

Who was the last person you said "I love you" to? Toby (the cat).

Does your town have a bar or pub? Yeah, one bar and several pubs.

Were you mean to anyone in high school? Nope.

What's one of your favourite features of your phone? Face ID.

Have you ever accidentally started a fire? Not a major one, but yeah.

Do you ever wonder where everyone's going when you're driving around? Not really. I never really think much about other people.

Do you forget things as quickly as you think of them? Sometimes, yeah.

What is the last note you edited in your phone's notes app? Probably my list of lockbox code for work.

Who is your favourite coworker? You can tell me about one from your past if you don't have one right now. Nathan, Mandy or Alex B. I miss all of them, they were lovely.

Can you hear birds chirping right now? Nope, it's nighttime. I put my birds to bed about an hour and a half ago. And all the wild birds outside are asleep, too.

Have you ever learned a language on your own, as in, not attending classes or lessons? I tried to learn Italian and Spanish on Duolingo but soon got bored. My dad taught me basic Italian as a little kid too.

Do you know anyone who's adopted a child? My mum was adopted and a girl I went to school with had an adopted sister.

Are you good at parallel parking? I can do it when nobody is watching, lol.

What scent is your body wash? Vanilla and Shea butter.

Do you tend to wear your clothes more than one day before washing them? It depends on the clothes. Anything that's right next to my skin gets washed after each wear but jumpers/jackets etc. can get several wears out of them. I do work with animals though so my work stuff all goes straight in the wash at the end of the day.

What was the last video game or board game you purchased? I last downloaded Scavenger Hunt for my phone.

Pulp or no pulp in your orange juice? No pulp.

Is your middle name common? Yeah, very common.

What's your favourite Robin Williams movie? Mrs Doubtfire.

Do you decorate your house for Halloween? No.

[smolcinnamonchipmunk]

Sorry for anyone that's looking for the stream last night. I kind of deleted it out of panic when I saw the view count, lmao (Any other stream I've made got ten views max)

I'll probably stream either really late tonight or at some point tomorrow with Glorious Masquerade stuff