#I will not be taking criticism on this post

[delicateperspective]

Glastonlarry 2025 Breakdown

Before I begin, I want to emphasize the importance of critical thinking when engaging with content like this. Timelines are incredibly helpful for seeing the broader picture, but they’re not infallible—I may get details wrong or unintentionally leave something out. It's essential that we all take responsibility for doing our own research, verifying sources, and not accepting any narrative at face value, no matter who it comes from.

Also, keep in mind that everything I’m about to share is unfolding in real time. There will likely be updates, shifts, and new information emerging in the days ahead that will add more depth or context to this timeline. But as of the final day of Glastonbury, here’s where things stand.

The Lead-Up

December 21st, 2024 - Harry follows Doechii February 9th - Harry follows Alaina Haim February 21st - Louis follows Nova Twins March 6th - Glasto official line-up drops March 7th - Louis follows Beabadoobee

Wednesday, June 25th

2:59 PM - The first picture appears of Louis with Oli and Tommy

An article in Variety later talks about Louis being in a great mood - "'Glastooooo! a stranger yelled behind me as I checked into the hospitality campsite at Glastonbury Festival on Wednesday. Only, it wasn't really a stranger: it was Louis Tomlinson of One Direction fame, lugging a huge rucksack and getting hyped with his friends for the five days of music and partying that lay ahead. Without stopping to ask for a photo or whispering about who he was, several festivalgoers around us echoed his call, reveling in the excitement to come."

3:28 PM - Harry is seen walking around London in a vintage Olympics windbreaker

Around 5PM - Pleasing launches a 21 hr countdown for "Happy Accident" with an email campaign that says "Sorry to bother you, but I think this is yours"

Later that night - Harry goes to the ballet

Thursday, June 26th

12:30 PM - Michael Blackwell and Lou Teasdale both post that they on their way to Glasto (seperately)

1:15 PM - Zara's pannel starts

3:00 PM - Another Pleasing campaign: Perfume with a plot twist, inspired by seemingly wrong turns turned out quite alright. Excuse me, you dropped something. Reimagining mistakes as moments of oppurtunity and leaing into the messiness of everyday life. A trip to someplace joyfully unexpected.

3:53 PM - The first pictures of L and Zara emerge with a body guard.

5:10 PM - The Sun runs an article showing L watching Zara's panel. People on site say he was only there long enough to get the video (rumor).

Friday, June 27th

10:00 AM - Sam (Lou T's sister) and Tommo Campbell post that they are on the way to Glasto

12:07 PM - An article saying that L has a tent for himself and one for alchohol but Zara staying off-site. “Louis is determined to make it a weekend to remember and has planned everything with military like precision - including making sure enough booze is available. He has his own tent - and one just for the drinks.”

1:00 PM - Oli, Lou's sound engineer, posts that he has arrived at Glasto

1:00 PM - Anne posts a video about an elder lesbian wedding where they are so happy to not have to refer to each other as their cousins anymore.

1:00 PM - Simon Jones arrives at Glasto

1:14 PM - Lottie posts an Instagram photo of herself, Lewis, and Louis.

2:15 PM - Lou, Zara, Michael, Bodyguard, Lottie, Lewis, Oli, and Tommy watch the Inhaler set. Tommy is wearing a shirt with 2011 One Direction on it.

3:47 PM - Chris Frewin (not in any pictures with Lou) posts a story from Kneecap's Glasto set

3:51 PM - Zara posts about her apparel brand

5:31 PM - Harry is first seen at Glasto with the video and article breaking via The Sun before any fan videos drop. With Kidd Harpoon and Rob Stringer. Harry Styles sparks hopes of mini One Direction reunion at Glastonbury as he’s spotted backstage in tiny shorts. His pal Louis Tomlinson was seen on site supporting girlfriend Zara McDermott

Around this time - Harry seems happy, dancing to music at a food truck with Kidd Harpoon. He is also spotted talking to Emma Corrin.

5:36 PM - Lottie posts with Lewis and Oli and Zara and Lou in the background. She also posts a picture with just her and Louis.

5:43 PM - Zara posts a selfie with Oli

9:13 PM - Simon Jones posts from The NYC Downlow in the Block 9 section of Glasto

11:48 PM - Anne posts a rainbow image "While you're overthinking and doubting yourself, someone else is looking at you wondering how you do it all. Keep going"

Though it is rumored that Harry was at The 1975s headlining set, there are no pictures or videos. In fact, there are no pictures or videos of EITHER OF THEM from any time after the inital hour of Harry arriving.

Saturday, June 28th

12:00 PM - Zara's best friend Jade arrives at Glasto with Harry's "ex" Nadine Leopold

3:29 PM - Zara gives an exclusive interview to The Sun. Addressing their awkward pitchside head-to-head, Zara insists: “The only thing in my life that's worth writing about is the work I do. “I see some of the things that are written and I'm like, ‘Why do we focus on the non-existent drama?’ Sometimes that can be frustrating, but I suppose it’s all part of the industry.” ... “I spend my day job going out and filming with really vulnerable people. And it’s shaped me so much as a person that it's made me not sweat the small stuff any more, “ she explains. “I don’t care about social media as much as I used to, or about the aesthetic or the image. I value so much real relationships and real support around me, and being that to other people. “I'm a totally different person to the one I was when I was 21 years old and stepped into what appeared to be a glitzy world of showbiz. My day to day life is not at all glitz and glamour.”

8:00 PM - Louis and crew watch Raye from GA while Simon Jones watches from VIP area

8:16 PM - Lottie posts a video of her and Lewis, Tommy, Lou, and Zara

8:46 PM - We get an article based on that social media post. Zara McDermott cuddles up to Louis Tomlinson’s sister at Glastonbury as romance gets family seal of approval.

9:07 PM - The Sun publishes "Harry Styles parties ‘incognito’ in the Glastonbury crowds until 6am – with another One Direction star there too" The former One Direction man was hard at it until around 6am yesterday at the Somerset festival’s happening party district Block9.

At some point this night, Harry orders two chicken wing meals and we get video of him at a food stand with what looks suspicously like a rainbow bear attached to his bag.

After 8PM there are no more pictures of either of them currently reported.

Sunday, June 29th

12:21 AM - The Telegraph posts an article saying "There will be quite a few sore heads among the A-list set this morning, since I have heard reports that a topless Andrew Scott, Rita Ora, Ncuti Gatwa, Tilda Swinston wearing a stick-on moustche and someone who looked suspiciously like Harry Styles were key players on the dance floor at Riotous gay club NYC Downlow last night.

2:30 AM - A video is taken of a 12-second kiss between Harry and a mystery woman.

7:00 AM - Louis likes a romantic reel on Instagram of Harry giving him a loving look with the caption "the way harry looks at him" and a song by Bruno Mars saying "if the world was ending I'd want to be next to you"

8:30 AM - Louis unlikes the reel

8:30 AM - Lottie posts a video of a dark club with an insect sculpture.

8:30 AM - Lottie removes an eariler video of Zara from her stories

10:24 AM - Zara posts photoshoot of her in the walkway at glasto from the day before. Tabloids report this as a bad move.

10:25 AM - Lloyd posts from vacation (clearly not at Glasto) and tags Glasto

11:17 AM - Pleasing posts about Happy Accident again. "Smells like Sweet depositions and sunny outlooks" "a little whoops-that-actually-worked" "Pardon us, but we beleive this is yours"

8:00 PM - Zara posts from the Nile Rogers set and tags Lottie and Lewis. Lewis then posts a video showing all of them including Louis and Zara. Louis is wearing a shirt with heart eyes and the back says "hopless romantic"

9:55 PM - Eleanor Calder sips tea unbottherd in Abdu Dhabi on her insta story

10:00 PM - The Sun posts the video of Harry kissing someone at 2AM. BEST SNOG EVER Watch Harry Styles passionately snog mystery woman as ‘sparks fly’ in packed Glastonbury VIP area. One onlooker said: “Harry only had eyes for this woman and sparks were flying as soon as they were together. “Harry turned up with a few of his mates but as soon as she got there, they were almost inseparable. “She kissed him on the cheek three times before he took her hand and led her to the dancefloor. “Just short of an hour after they arrived, they kissed in front of loads of other people and didn’t seem to care who was watching.

(this is the same headline "Best Snog Ever" that they used for their other super exclusive kiss pictures from CR just a few months ago. The ones with Louis and Zara.)

Notes/Observations:

Again, details and photos/videos should slowly roll out over the next week or so that might fill in some gaps in this timeline, but for now this is what we have through Sunday night.

The Sun has now identified the woman as a London-based producer believed to be named Ella Kenny.

There are a small handful of people at The Sun which appear to be deeply ingrained in the reporting of the ZMc "relationship" and this weekends events. I won't name them, but they're not exactly being subtle or quiet.

As of the close of Glastonlarry 2025, the events of the weekend speak volumes—not just through what was shown, but through what was deliberately obscured. For the first time in years, Louis and Harry were not only confirmed to be in the same place, but surrounded by coordinated press coverage and strikingly synchronized personal signals. A single like on Instagram—just one reel of a loving glance, paired with romantic lyrics—said more than any interview ever could. If we’ve learned anything from tracking these timelines over the years, it’s that what isn’t said often reveals more than what is and when we don't see them is often just as important as when we do.

[loganficsonly]

What a thoroughly heartbreaking read.

There is no literary critic writing a blog post/article about how amazing the story is for us to copy and keep/frame. There is no money from royalties. All we have are the words of the people reading our works.

Reminds me of this other post about engaging with fanfiction:

Fanfiction authors write because they enjoy writing. They post because they want to form a connection with the people who enjoyed their work.

I'm eternally grateful for every comment I receive—it's extremely nice to hear what you think beyond the no-text interactions such as likes, though I am also appreciative of that.

That's why these days I've been trying to be more intentional when commenting on fics I really enjoy. It takes some time, yes, but probably no more than it took for the writer to come up with the story, write a first draft, edit that draft, format, and finally post it.

A writer friend told me something that broke my heart a little bit today; they're going to quit publishing their fanfic.

My instant thought was that they had been trolled or attacked or that something terrible had happened in their life because this person is so passionate about their writing. It wasn't any of that. Engagement with their works has been going down, as it has for many of us. Comments are like gold dust a lot of the time, and just looking through the historical comment counts on old fics on ao3 demonstrates this trend very clearly. It was not simply the comments dropping off which caused them to decide to stop posting, however.

My friend came across a discord server for their fandom (I should point out here that their fandom interest and mine diverged a couple of years ago, we stay in touch but don't currently read each other's posts because I'm not into their fandom and they would rather gouge their eyes out with a wooden spoon than read anything Star Wars) and specifically to share fic in that fandom. They joined, because we all love a good fic rec, only to discover that their latest multichapter fic, which has almost no comments and very few kudos, is being hotly discussed in this server as one of the best stories ever. Not one of these people has bothered to say this to them on the fic. When they asked, none of participants could see the point in telling the author of the fic they apparently loved so much that they love it.

This discovery has absolutely destroyed my friend's love of sharing fic. They share because they love seeing other people's enjoyment, and fic writers do that through comments and kudos/reblogs/likes because we don't get paid. There is no literary critic writing a blog post/article about how amazing the story is for us to copy and keep/frame. There is no money from royalties. All we have are the words of the people reading our works.

Those people on that server could have taken five minutes of the time they spent gushing about how amazing my friend's story was to other people and used it to tell the one person guaranteed to want to hear that praise how much they loved it. They could have taken a moment to express their opinion to the person who spent hours upon hours plotting, writing, editing, and posting those chapters. Instead, they deprived my friend of thing that keeps them sharing their writing, and in the process have killed their love of it. My friend now feels used and unmotivated.

I won't be sharing a link to their fic, they said I could share their experience but not their identity. I know they plan to post one final chapter. I know they intend to express their hurt at being excluded from the praise for the thing they created, and I know they intend to announce that as a consequence they will not be posting for a long while, if at all.

So please, I beg you, don't hide your love of a story from the writer. It's just about the only thing we have.

[cxntcreature]

when nam-gyu is withdrawing, you’re not safe.

he’s absolutely filthy — nearly deranged. like he’s not in control of his body or his mouth. he just needs the distraction, needs your tight cunt wrapped around him to distract him from the burning in his veins and the ache in his brain.

and he doesn’t care about damaging you in the process.

he doesn’t care, because it’s never about you — not in moments like these. but you cum. of course you do. but not because it’s nam-gyu’s intention. it’s simply a consequence of the way he batters the fuck out of your cervix. of the way his curved cock slides against that sweet gummy spot at the top. the way it stretches you out.

and his feral, uneven, unpredictable thrusts is a large part of what brings you to orgasm. it’s just the way he’s rough, the way he fucks you with that fat cock, that drags it out of you — and it doesn’t go unnoticed.

“comin’ on m’cock already? damn, sweetie, how fucked up is that? you’re ‘sposed to be helpin’ me, y’know?” he sneers, thighs slapping into yours as he uses you. he’s twitching, throbbing, inside you. he’s so close, the brutal way in which he’s fucking you driving him just as crazy as you.

“fuckin’— god, take it, bitch. shiiit, jus’ like a good whore. fuuuck, hah, feels s’good, ‘m gonna bust all in you.” he groans, fingers bruising the flesh of your thighs as he keeps them pinned uncomfortably to your breasts. “jus’ fuckin’ stay there and take it.”

the rounds are usually quick when he’s like this. that’s why you’re not surprised when he slams himself balls deep and stills, thick ropes painting your insides and turning your pussy into even more of a sloppy mess.

you already know it — nam-gyu isn’t a cuddler; but he does press his weight against you and whispers breathily, “don’t you even fuckin’ think about goin’ anywhere. ‘m gonna need you again, babygirl.”

literally created this blog ten minutes ago because this filthy fantasy was stuck in my horny brain and i had to write it. i haven’t blogged/written/posted anything in years, so please, if you have criticisms/tips or anything similar, please do share! thank you for reading this, stay freaky! xoxo <3

[bapeach]

Fast break feelings

Sorry for not posting much lately, writing hasn't been easy. So here's a short and sweet story, hope y'all like it! Constructive criticism is always welcome :D Find my masterlist here :)

Pairing(s): Paige Bueckers x female!reader Word count: 1.5k+ Summary: Paige, the confident superstar on the court, gets shy when her crush is near.

------------

When you first met Paige in your human development class, you thought she was cute in a platonic way. She’d walked into class looking incredibly cozy in a lilac sweatsuit with her matching purple glasses, with a soft smile and sleepy eyes. Even though she was the most famous girl in school, she didn’t act like she was better than anyone. You never really cared for sports but still thought it was cool that the blonde was bringing a lot of attention to basketball. She seemed like she deserved the praise too.

Paige walked over to her assigned seat next to you, giving you a tiny nod, her lips relaxed into a small smile. You smiled sweetly at her before focusing your attention on the professor. While most classes started with lame icebreakers, this professor didn’t care about them and instead simply started teaching. Meaning Paige didn’t learn your first name until a few weeks into the school year, after many small nods and smiles and a few “Can I borrow a pen?” moments, when you were put into pairs of two for a project. 

“Hi, I’m Paige, by the way,” was the first thing she said as she turned towards you and held out her hand. “Oh, I know, Superstar,” you’d grinned with a playful twinkle in your eye. “I’m Y/N.” Though you didn’t realize it back then, that handshake marked the start of the slowly growing crush between you two.

Quiet study sessions in the library turned into movie nights in the comfort of your dorm, cuddled up together (in a friendly way) on your couch, your hearts starting to beat as one. 

---------

While Paige exudes confidence and charisma on the basketball court and in front of cameras, she’s pretty shy in person. Whereas she prefers peaceful nights in, you shine the brightest on a night out in the club. You don’t mind her shyness, though, you actually think it’s kind of sweet. You love seeing her cheeks turn a soft pink as she fumbles over her words when you give her a tight hug. Seeing her turn away with a flustered smile as you compliment her with a flirty wink always sends butterflies through your stomach. 

It didn’t take long for you to realize you have a big fat crush on her, and once you did, you quickly noticed the blonde’s crush as well. Now, you could’ve just asked her out on a date, but where’s the fun in that? Instead, you up the flirty comments, the lingering touches, and the doe-eyed “I’m so in love with you” looks. During binge marathons, you cuddle Paige a bit closer, at lunch, you plop into her lap without batting an eye, and the selfies with cheeky comments you send her get a bit riskier every time.

While the athlete usually runs her mouth and talks trash like her life depends on it, she can barely give a compliment without stuttering or doubting herself. She’s also one of the most clueless people you know. You flirt with her like there’s no tomorrow for 2 weeks before you grow impatient and pull out all the stops. 

You’re walking next to Paige as you make your way out of your class. You listen to her ramble about her latest practice before linking your pinky with hers. The blonde gets tongue-tied at the unexpected touch, looking at you with her eyes wide. You give her a sweet smile as you nod at what she’s saying. Heat creeps up her neck and turns her ears red as you tilt your head innocently.

You pull her to the side of the hallway, out of the stream of students, before pulling out a small mirror and reapplying your lip gloss. You take your time, watching Paige out of the corner of your eye as her eyes dart to the shine on your lips. She bites her lip for a moment before standing up a bit straighter.

“Gotcha,” you think as you try not to smirk.

“Hey, so, uh, I was thinking that, uh… Maybe, if you want, we could go to, like,… a restaurant or something?” Paige stammers as she scratches her neck. Her face turns an even brighter color as she realizes how stupid she sounds. You bite your lip as you try not to laugh at her struggling.

“You want to go get food right now?” You ask, batting your lashes at her, pretending you don’t know what she means. You know you shouldn’t tease her too much and just be glad she finally got the courage to ask you out, but you can’t help it. Seeing this nervous version of her is just too adorable to just let go.

“No, I mean, like… We should get dinner sometime… Just the two of us… together.” You watch her throat as she swallows nervously. “What, like a date?” You ask as you try to catch her eye. Paige pauses for a moment, her eyes trained on the floor, before she shakes her head with a frown.

“I-... You know what, never mind… I need to go,” she says before quickly stepping away from you. You reach out your hand to pull her closer again, but you don’t get the chance as she disappears into the crowd passing by. “Paige, hold up!” You say, but it’s too late. You facepalm softly before letting out a tiny laugh. How can she be such a big, tough basketball player, yet also such a sweet, shy girl? How can she be so brilliant on the court and in school, yet still be such an oblivious idiot when it comes to you?

When you text the blonde later that night to ask if she wants to come over for a movie night, she declines the invitation with the excuse of having a lot of homework. You shrug it off, knowing that the girl has a habit of leaving her work until the last minute. When Paige is “too busy” to hang out for the 5th day in a row, you’re done with her lies.

You plan on going straight to her dorm after class when you see her walking ahead of you in the hallways. You speed up a bit until you’re right next to her before bumping your shoulder against hers. The taller girl immediately turns towards you to apologize (even though you bumped into her) before realizing it’s you. The color immediately drains from her face as she looks around for an excuse to get away.

“There you are! I haven’t seen you in ages. You left mid-convo last time I saw you,” you say as you playfully roll your eyes, but you make sure to give her a big grin. “Yeah, sorry ‘bout that,” she mumbles as she quickens her step. You simply loop your arm around hers as you bring her back to your speed. “So… when and where?” You casually ask, leaning even more into her personal space as you move out of the way for another student. 

“I- What?” Paige asks, her breath hitching as the smell of your perfume enters her nose. “You wanted to get dinner, right? Or do you not want to anymore? I mean, that would be fine, but if you do, I’d really love to go,” you reply calmly, holding eye contact so she knows you mean it. “Wait, you really wanna go?” She asks, an excited but slightly unsure grin forming on her face as she looks down at the strings of her hoodie. “What, like a date?” You repeat the question you asked a few days ago. 

The blonde’s eyes snap towards you, a small huff leaving her lips once she sees your teasing smile. She rolls her eyes before bringing you both to a stop in an empty corner. “I can’t tell if you’re messing with me or not,” she mumbles, chewing nervously on one of her hoodie strings.

You lean up, pulling the string out of her mouth and straightening her hood. “You’re always so nervous around me…” you sigh softly, staring at the cords as you twirl one around your finger. 

“It’s just me,” you reassure her in a low voice. “Ask me again.” Once you look back into her bright blue eyes, Paige swallows once before speaking, “Y/N… Will you go on a date with me?”

You give her a loving smile as you reply, “I’d love nothing more, P.” You lean forward, getting on your tippy-toes, as you press a small kiss against the blonde’s rapidly reddening cheek. You don’t tease her this time, instead grabbing her hand and pulling her back into the hallway as you guide her towards your dorm. You don’t have to look at her to know her eyes are sparkling and her bottom lip is stuck between her teeth as she tries to hold back a big smile.

As your hands swing between your bodies, you ramble about a new show you found that you two just have to watch, making Paige realize she’d been so nervous for no reason. When you make eye contact with her, you simply wink at her like this is the most normal thing in the world.

[some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat]

If that news story isn't worth fact checking, is it really worth reblogging? If the subject is serious enough that you feel obligated to reblog (you are never actually obligated to reblog anything), then you better be taking it seriously and giving it more than a few seconds of your attention. Fact check. Think critically. Or if you don't have the spoons for that? Keep scrolling. I promise you are allowed to just keep scrolling and not reblog the post.

with love. you have to fact check shit. yes you. you still have to fact check shit. a lot of people are great at fact checking stuff they don’t want to be true, but somehow are still absolute ass at fact checking stuff that’s rhetorically convenient to them. even people my age, who I KNOW grew up doing internet/bibliography literacy workshops, and being warned not to believe anything that isn’t reliably sourced, people who DO harp on fact checking conservative output or whatever, are still kneejerk sharing unsourced shit that is partially or wholly untrue or misleading, because it suits whatever narrative they’re pursuing in that moment, without even a “take this with a grain of salt”. fact check!!!!!! look at the sources!!!!! yes it’s a drag!!! do it!!!!!

[vxnillabxn]

𐙚˙⋆.˚ mainfive! x puppy gn!reader ꒰੭

𐙚˙⋆.˚ fluffy fluff! ꒰੭

𐙚˙⋆.˚ sfw! ꒰੭

𐙚˙⋆.˚ do not translate/copy/repost! ꒰੭

﹙♡﹚SO, based on my last post, i was requested to write the reader as the doggo and puppy hybrid this time! i hope you enjoy this one as well. ♡

𐙚˙⋆.˚ caleb! ꒰੭

﹙♡﹚caleb is a dog person, i just know he is. he saw the cutest puppy —you— and decided it was time for him to have someone else in his tiny family of one.

﹙♡﹚he adores you, 100%. he takes you out like… four times a day, or at least every time you only glance towards the door and whine softly. and he's more than happy to play and run around until you're worn out and fall asleep in his arms for the whole afternoon.

﹙♡﹚he takes you everywhere, and i mean it. he bought this baby vest thing, and he just… takes you with him. you're his puppy, after all, and he likes knowing you're always safe, so what better than staying right next to him?

﹙♡﹚he won't feed you kibble. no way. he'll cook healthy and dog-friendly foods for you, with protein, veggies, nutrients and everything the cutest puppy ever needs. and when i tell you your coat shines? it really does shine.

﹙♡﹚he bought you a harness for when he takes you out, and it's the cutest thing ever. it has lots of cute apples and little hearts, and his gallery is full of pictures just of you.

﹙♡﹚now, if you were a puppy hybrid, i'm sure you two met when you were little, when other kids were making fun of your fluffy ears and tail. he defended you and promised to take care of you for the rest of his life.

﹙♡﹚but… now that you're both grown, he teases you a lot. when you're mad, he'll just… pat your head and make your tail wag like crazy. it's not fair at all, but he always gets you to smile. after all, you're his pretty and cheerful pips!

﹙♡﹚this man will hold things out of your reach just to make you jump or whine like a puppy would. however, you just have to flatten your ears and tug your tail between your thighs, and he's frantically apologizing and giving you anything you ask for.

﹙♡﹚he takes you out, too. i mean, you are half-human half-puppy, you need to walk and burn energy! though, he sees them as tiny dates, and he'll always make sure to walk you to the prettiest places, or to the nicest cafés, just to share a cute time together.

﹙♡﹚and that said, he won't let you go anywhere by yourself. sure, you're capable and strong, but you're also his biggest treasure. he's scared other people will stare, or that other puppy hybrids might be bigger or aggressive and try something weird, so… yeah, no. he has to go with you.

﹙♡﹚he'll cuddle you a lot. he likes how your ears feel against his neck when he hugs you close, and he loves the way your tail hits the soft mattress with happy thuds. he'll tell you how good you are just to see that soft, dumb smile on your lips.

﹙♡﹚after getting the robotic prosthetic on his arm, you two get quite a lot of stares when you go out, especially because of the odd pair you make. however, when you look up at him with that soft gaze, tail wagging excitedly as you hug his metallic arm and smile so warmly… he doesn't care about anything else.

𐙚˙⋆.˚ rafayel! ꒰੭

﹙♡﹚you appeared out of nowhere. he was painting peacefully, when he suddenly saw tiny paw prints trailing from his studio to his bedroom. of course, the main door of his mansion was unlocked, and the fluffiest puppy —you— casually barged in and decided to explore.

﹙♡﹚upon finding you trying to jump on his bed, he quickly picks you up. you've created such a messy masterpiece on his floor, and now you want to ruin his bed? fantastic! he loves it. he keeps you instantly.

﹙♡﹚the first thing he does is get you a pearl collar. he makes sure it's not too tight… and you look absolutely adorable in his eyes.

﹙♡﹚you're his inspiration now. sure, many art critics were confused when his new exhibition had dozens of paintings signed with paw prints, and they were even more dumbfounded upon seeing a whole portrait of a puppy sitting proud and mighty against a colorful marine background. if they don't get it, that's their problem.

﹙♡﹚his studio is literally full of sketches and paintings of you in silly poses. you asked for belly scratches? stay still, he'll sketch you. you curled up in his lap to nap? he's sketching you. you accidentally got your head stuck in a bag of snacks? you guessed it… sketch!

﹙♡﹚he refuses to get a leash. absolutely not. and a harness? no way! you should run free! well… only at the empty beach, and only while he's close next to you. he lets you roam to your heart's content, though your tiny paws never lead you too far.

﹙♡﹚if you were a puppy hybrid, i feel things wouldn't change much. you'd still be his muse, his inspiration, his everything, because you're so damn adorable.

﹙♡﹚you two would bicker a lot. and i mean… every day. he whines and puts on a dramatic show, and you counter with your puppy eyes, both of you trying to outdo each other, eventually arguing about who's cuter. you always win.

﹙♡﹚he'll take you to the beach just to see you swimming “doggy style.” you don't find it funny, that's literally how you swim! but he finds it absolutely hilarious and adorable, and makes sure to record it whenever he can.

﹙♡﹚he will make sure your ears and tail are perfectly groomed before you go out. he takes his time, delicate fingers combing through the soft fur, whispering how cute you are and how pretty you'll look.

﹙♡﹚he makes you paint with your tail. he asked once, you refused. but then, you accidentally got paint on your tail, and he just so happened to praise you until you were a giddy mess, wagging your tail and hitting the blank canvas he —very conveniently— placed behind you. “ah, aren't you a natural, cutie?”

﹙♡﹚he'll proudly take you to his art exhibitions, and he'll make sure everyone knows who his muse is. “yeah, see that highlight over there? caused by this magnificent tail,” or “ah! this 270 cm x 380 cm painting? that's my cutie right there, in their full glory! too big of a canvas? no, my cutie deserves the biggest one ever.” he adores you.

𐙚˙⋆.˚ sylus! ꒰੭

﹙♡﹚okay, sylus is a cat person, but when the twins brought back a tiny and defenseless pup, claiming they would take care of it, he knew that was not ideal. they would kill you accidentally, or play too rough with you, so he took you under his wing.

﹙♡﹚once you were able to walk and see the world around you, you would bark at the twins like a little angry thing. you'd also bark at mephisto, your whole body shaking and tiny barks echoing in the room. ah, you were feisty. sylus liked that a lot. it made him smitten with you.

﹙♡﹚now, he takes you everywhere. he carries you in one arm, even when making business. you're his good luck charm, and his decisions are based on whether you wag your tail or, on the contrary, bark.

﹙♡﹚he gets you the best food. he wants you to grow up strong, fierce, and with the most luscious coat ever. he gives you tons of toys, lots of warm blankets for you to sleep in —if you're not sleeping in his bed— and he even got you an expensive collar with a chip in it. he needs to ensure your safety.

﹙♡﹚he takes you out at night, which is good because there are no other dogs around, and you can run free. he's taught you lots of commands, too, but he prefers when you don't listen. he knows you're smart and understand him perfectly, and he likes it when you defy him. it's adorable.

﹙♡﹚he has a very specific list of who to trust when it comes to your care. said list has two names: his, and your vet's. he absolutely brings the twins fully armed to every visit, ensuring the vet doesn't make any mistake or make you feel uncomfortable. it's a life-or-death situation for the poor doctor, but he earns quite the sum, so he doesn't complain.

﹙♡﹚now, if you were a puppy hybrid, he wouldn't let you rest at all. he'd always be caressing your hair, scratching behind your ears, under your chin… and even when you remind him you are NOT a cat, he knows you like it. your wagging tail gives you away.

﹙♡﹚he loves how expressive you are, even when you try to hide it. your ears go up or down, your tail shows how you feel, so truly, nothing gets past this man.

﹙♡﹚he'll praise you. when you feel overwhelmed by the amount of energy you have to spare, or when you're bored and restless, he'll lift you up, place you in his lap and kiss between your ears, listing all the things he has in mind just for you. after all, he wants you to be as happy as possible.

﹙♡﹚he'll groom your fur. you already know he has to. when you step out of the shower, he pats his bed and makes you sit with your back pressed to his chest.

﹙♡﹚he dries and brushes your ears, your tail, your hair… making sure it's fluffy enough and that you're not shedding too much. when it comes to you, he only buys the best, though you keep telling him your shampoo is fine and you can just shake your head dry. naturally, he refuses. not under his watch.

﹙♡﹚he's so proud of you. even if you ever feel self-conscious about being a puppy hybrid, he'll reassure you. you're his to love, his to protect, and his to keep safe. he'll proudly show you off at galas and important events, and no one dares comment on it —because they wouldn't get to breathe the next day.

𐙚˙⋆.˚ xavier! ꒰੭

﹙♡﹚xav found you hidden behind a bush deep inside the forest. you were happily munching on berries, your puppy belly full and your snout stained purple. he immediately picked you up and brought you home.

﹙♡﹚now, it's safe to say xavier is a puppy himself. he literally naps with you, and you both sleep for… twelve hours straight. he'll cuddle you against his neck, and together you drift off under a warm blanket cocoon.

﹙♡﹚he usually puts his hoodie on backwards, so he can tuck you inside the hood and carry you around. he also loves taking you to his balcony at night, just to watch the city lights sparkle together.

﹙♡﹚he's very protective. if anyone stops to admire how cute you are, he'll quietly cover you and walk away, afraid someone might snatch you away from him —like a hawk stealing a tiny chick. he's a mother hen, ready to hiss or bite if he has to.

﹙♡﹚this poor boy does feed you kibble, but he tries his best to add nutritious things too! if you don't eat what he serves, he'll sulk for days. he just wants you to be healthy and happy.

﹙♡﹚he takes you on walks wearing the prettiest harness —it even glows in the dark, because he can't stand the idea of losing sight of you, even for a moment.

﹙♡﹚as a puppy hybrid, if you were left solely under his “protection,” you probably wouldn't last a week. thankfully, you at least know how to boil veggies and cook rice, so you end up feeding both of you.

﹙♡﹚he loves playing catch with your tail. when you wag it gently, he can't help but try to catch it, completely captivated by such a silly game. aren't you supposed to be the cute one, though?

﹙♡﹚he teaches you tricks. yes —even as a puppy hybrid. “hand,” “talk,” “jump,” “spin.” at first, you just raise an eyebrow at him… but when you see that dreamy, adoring look in his eyes, you always give in.

﹙♡﹚he takes baths with you. he'll hug you softly from behind in the tub, careful not to wet your puppy ears. always gentle, always patient, even when you squirm or splash unconsciously.

﹙♡﹚he would 100% buy dog ears and an attachable tail to match you when you go out together. he knows he can't be as cute as you, but seeing your shy smile makes it completely worth it.

﹙♡﹚most of the time, he's more chaotic than you. even if you feel like you're the one looking after him, the truth is he silently protects you: making sure you're never cold, hungry, or anxious —whether at home or outside.

𐙚˙⋆.˚ zayne! ꒰੭

﹙♡﹚he didn't plan to adopt —not even close. but yvonne found a box outside the hospital, and they all convinced zayne to take care of the sickly puppy, since he was the only one taking a week off.

﹙♡﹚safe to say, he kept you. during that week, he realized having you around kept him company, and you were the only tiny creature that willingly approached him, cuddling against his cold skin without hesitation.

﹙♡﹚your health is far beyond his expertise, so he definitely pulled some strings to find the best veterinarians and groomers. if he can't care for you himself, he'll make sure you're under the safest, most trusted hands.

﹙♡﹚this man did his research, okay? your breed, your ideal diet, possible genetic diseases —anything he might need to know to guarantee you a happy, long life.

﹙♡﹚he feeds you the best. raw diet? if the vets recommend it, done. premium kibble mixed with broth and veggies? you got it. only homemade food? absolutely. and if you beg for something he's eating, he'll usually give in —unless it's chocolate. in that case, he'll literally lock himself away until he finishes, because your puppy eyes are too much for him.

﹙♡﹚he takes you on his research trips. at first, he thought it wasn't prudent —someone else could watch you, right? but the first time he left, he had to come back the same day because you wouldn't eat, wouldn't leave the door, just waiting for him to return. never again.

﹙♡﹚if you were a puppy hybrid, he'd look up everything about your care, especially things that might not be fully human. he prefers to know for certain, just to keep you safe and happy.

﹙♡﹚he'd always keep you close when he isn't busy. if you visit his office, he'll absentmindedly scratch behind your ears or pat your head —relieving his stress and making you the happiest pup in the world.

﹙♡﹚he'd even fix his clothes for you. when he noticed you liked wearing his shirts, he discreetly cut holes for your tail. not that anyone notices —and even if they did, he wouldn't care.

﹙♡﹚he's extra attentive when you're feeling unwell. sure, you're mostly human, but he knows there could be things he doesn't fully understand. so this sweet man will literally refuse to let you go, calling anyone he can to ask every important question.

﹙♡﹚he knows you need enrichment, so he'll get creative: letting you chase your own tail around the living room, or hiding little sweet treats all over the house for you to find on a treasure hunt.

﹙♡﹚and he teases you. a lot. every soft whine, little bark, or innocent head tilt makes him smile. he never thought he'd want something like this in his life, but now that you're here… he loves it more than he could ever admit.

[undyingdecay]

Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield) and eating you out. Every time he tries to continue after your orgasm you push him away cause you’re too sensitive. So he webs your arms and legs to the bed posts and eats you till you pass out 🤭

the thing about peter is that he’s already kind of obsessed with you. always has been. the kind of obsessed that makes him show up at your window at 2AM because he missed you too much to sleep. and it translates so perfectly into the way he eats pussy.

like, he’s devoted down there. won’t even touch himself. won’t stop to take a breath unless you’re pulling at his hair and begging. it’s messy, it’s wet, it’s the kind of desperate where you swear you feel his tongue shaking a little and it’s because he’s so worked up from making you cum on his face over and over again.

and you try. you really, really try to take it. but your body gives out before his mouth does. your thighs are trembling, your stomach’s tight, your chest heaving, and the overstimulation’s so sharp it feels like you’re gonna cry, so you push at his shoulders, voice cracking on a weak little 'p-peter, s’too much'

and that’s when he goes feral.

because see,, you’ve made a critical mistake. you should’ve known better. should’ve known the seccond you tried to pull him away, those twitchy, ink-stained fingers would twitch in the air, that stupid cocky little grin would break out across his flushed, soaked face, and he’d mumble something like 'uh-uh, baby, not done yet.'

then thwip. and it’s over. wrists yanked up above your head, ankles pinned to the bedposts, the thin lines of webbing sticky and warm and tight, unyielding in a way that makes your stomach flip. and the worst part? the second you’re bound down, he’s back at it like nothing happened.

“c’mon, sweetheart… one more f’me, yeah? you can take it. look so pretty when you cry.”

and you do. you can’t not. because his mouth is relentless, lips swollen and red, chin sticky with you, those desperate little noises spilling out of him like he’s addicted. he’s got a hand on your thigh to keep you spread, his thumb rubbing rough little circles where his tongue can’t reach, and it’s just endless. another orgasm tearing through you so hard you swear you black out for a second — and he still doesn’t stop.

the edges of your vision go fuzzy. you’re babbling, incoherent, a string of 'please' and 'fuck!' and 'pete, i can’t'  but he’s not even listening, too drunk on it, on you, on the way your hips twitch and your breath hiccups and how you try to twist away only to get yanked back by the webbing.

and yeah, you do pass out. eventually. peter leaves you trembling and boneless, lips kiss-bitten, thighs aching, his face wrecked, hair damp against his forehead, pupils blown wide like he just crawled out of hell. and when you finally come to, hours later, wrists still caught in sticky, half-dried webs, he’s lying there next to you, head propped on his hand, looking so fucking pleased with himself.

“hey, sleepyhead. you okay? …wanna go again?”

[goblingardens]

There’s just something so personal to me about Essek and Caleb both living too much in their heads and having too much trauma to be a standard couple who lives a domestic life, but still being romantic partners who meet up to share stories, study and spend quality time🥹

Longing victorian wives when they’re apart, absolutely obsessed with each others brains when they’re together

[plaidcowboy]

with benefits

( synopsis ) — after a painful night in his house alone after being stood up by fwb!user, jack decides to get his relief in at work.

( warning ) — mdni, smut, friends with benefits, handjob at work, slight teasing, super short quickie.

( bot link ) — here

It all began just a few weeks after you started your residency at the trauma center. Jack had taken an immediate interest in the new night shift recruit. His new resident, as some had started to say. He’d shadow you through the hallways and patient rooms, offering guidance, explaining protocols, pointing out the quirks of the place as if it were second nature.

It didn’t take long before others started noticing it too. Whispers circled among the night staff, subtle observations that Jack never seemed far from your side. Even when he was neck deep in a critical case, his eyes would scan the room until they found you, as if he needed to confirm you were still there.

Something began to grow between the two of you, though at first it was difficult to name. Was it just professional mentorship? An older, more experienced doctor taking care of the new hire? Or was there something beneath the surface?

Now, over a year into your residency, the answer had become much clearer.

The way he walked you home after shifts. The nights spent tangled in each other’s sheets. The secret looks exchanged across trauma bays. It wasn’t defined, there were no labels, no conversations about what it all meant. You weren’t dating, at least not in the way people typically define it. Only you and Jack knew the truth of it, and that was how you preferred it.

For now, it was something you could only describe as friends with benefits, if ‘friends’ ever whispered that they loved each other while the other was knee deep into them.

Today was no different. You walked into the trauma center in your fitted scrubs, stethoscope casually slung around your neck, and made a direct line toward Robby, who was still posted up at Dana’s desk. You had something to ask him before the night got too hectic.

But Jack intercepted you, his tall frame blocking your path, a tense, unreadable expression on his face. “Hey, we need to talk. I—” he started, but you cut him off.

“Not now, Jack. I need to ask Robby something,” you replied, brushing past him.

Without a word, Jack caught your arm and gently pulled you into an unoccupied exam room, shutting the door behind you with a quiet click. He flicked the lights off, drew the curtains, and suddenly the outside world faded away.

You leaned back against the door under the pressure of his palms, eyebrows knitting together in confusion. “What’s going on?” you asked, frowning.

“Fuck, baby…” he exhaled, almost a plea, closing his eyes as his hands settled on your hips. He pulled you against him, resting his forehead on your shoulder as his hips pressed forward instinctively.

“Jack,” you half laughed, incredulous, “You cannot be serious right now.”

But he didn’t respond, his movements slow, needy, almost desperate. His brows were furrowed in silent frustration as his lips grazed your neck, his hips rutting against your side.

“You said you were coming over last night,” he murmured against your skin, his voice strained, breath heavy. “But you never did.”

“Apologies,” you playfully murmur, glancing over at him with a hint of amusement. “Got caught up with something. Need a hand over there?” Your soft laugh meets his eager nod as he buries his face in the crook of your neck.

Your hand drifts forward, slipping past the waistband of his scrubs with practiced ease. Your palm presses against his boxers which are already damp with pre cum as you begin to rub him through the thin fabric.

“That didn’t take long,” you whisper with a sly grin, noting just how hard he already is. Jack lets out a breathy laugh, his hips grinding toward your touch.

“Can we hurry this up?” he murmurs against your neck. “We’re still on the clock.”

“Yeah?” you reply, voice low. “And whose fault is that?” Without waiting for an answer, you slide your hand inside his boxers and wrap your fingers around his length. A sharp gasp escapes Jack’s lips as his body jerks in response.

“Fuck,” he breathes, his hands gripping your hips, pulling you flush against him. You continue, your thumb brushing over the sensitive head before gliding back down, your strokes firm and fast, driving him closer with each pass.

His face contorts with pleasure, quiet groans spilling from his mouth muffled slightly by your shoulder as he leans into you, riding the edge. And before the two of you know it, he releases with a soft cry, his breath hitching as he spills into your hand, his body tensing then sagging in relief.

You slow your pace, offering a few gentle strokes to ease him through the wave of pleasure. Then, you pull your head back, eyes dropping to where he rests against you.

“Jack?” you whisper.

He lifts his head slowly, catching your gaze as you withdraw your hand. Without a word, he reaches for a nearby rag tucked discreetly in a drawer, carefully cleaning your hand before tossing the cloth aside. His fingers linger around your wrist, warm and tender.

“You’re incredible,” he says, brushing a kiss to your temple before wrapping his arms around your waist, grounding the moment in a quiet intimacy.

You laugh softly, arms looping around his neck as he pulls you close again. “You coming home with me after shift?” he asks, his voice husky as one hand slides down, fingers resting just under the waistband of your scrubs.

Your nod is all he needs. His lips meet yours in a fleeting kiss before he pulls back, a smug smile playing at his lips. “Thought so.”

small a/n: i want to write more of fwb jack and reader so i think if enough people like this ill make it an actual thing..!

[lordzannis]

Mahmoud is vetted by association with @holydreamlandchaos and @/strangekittengalaxy they are all relatives and I am in contact with both. Walaa's page was vetted by 90-ghost previously

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please help me on children 😭😢

Hello, my name is Mahmoud from Gaza. I have four children... Since October 7th, everything has been destroyed. Our house was bombed and my children, Rital and Lian, were injured. She is sick with nerves and needs treatment. Also, my wife was injured in the spine and needs treatment abroad...

I want you to donate and help my children or share this post with others.. Thank you very much for your support and generosity towards us....

🙏🍉🍉🇵🇸🇵🇸

[dilanisfruity]

dom!yelena belova thoughts

a/n: i actually don't know if these count as imagines so im just calling them thoughts! apologies to my angels who were looking forward to the billie fic but i promise it'll be out soon! this is just a super super short post bc im trying to write actual fics and struggling so bad with being overly critical of my writing :( i get kinda freaked out about how people will perceive my writing so ive just been too anxious to actually write but i had the motivation to do some little blurbs ab yelena bc she was on my mind so here u go! (i also might edit this in the morning and add more if anyone likes this)

warnings: sexual content, alludes to smut, men and minors DNI!

—> dom!yelena who notices you staring at her during missions and teases you for it afterwards, going on and on about how badly you must need her to be getting so distracted during an important mission, your cheeks flushing in embarrassment at her words.

—> dom!yelena who takes you to your shared bedroom after you get back and fucks you til you're screaming her name, letting everyone in the compound know who's making you feel so good

—> dom!yelena who notices when you're wearing new clothes and after complimenting you on how good you look in them, wastes no time in taking them off of you

—> dom!yelena who wears a strap under her sweatpants around the compound and doesn't tell you, letting you find out on your own when she walks up behind you in the kitchen and presses her body against yours. "hey baby" spoken under her breath as she wraps her arms around your waist and tucks her head in your shoulder, leaving soft kisses on your neck.

—> dom!yelena who occasionally lets you try to be in charge in the bedroom but quickly steps in to guide your hips and talk you through it when you get too fucked out while riding her strap, your motions starting to stutter as the pleasure inside you builds

—> dom!yelena who struggles to hold back her laughter as she watches you try to convince the team that the marks on your neck are actually from someone hitting you with their "burning weapon" in the last mission, and "not from anything sexual or anything like that" (yelena of course had left those marks the night before, knowing you'd struggle to cover it up, making sure everyone would know you're taken)

—> dom!yelena who also shows her dominance in non-sexual ways, always keeping an arm wrapped around your waist or a hand in yours, reminding you that she's there and she's got you. she is also a stickler for silly things like making sure she's always on the side that's closest to the road when you're walking on a sidewalk, and never letting you get the car door for yourself when you're with her. only the best treatment for her perfect girl ;)

—> dom!yelena who buys you flowers every week and makes sure you get in a real date at least every other week. she knows that sometimes there's just nothing you need more than a date where she takes you for a real nice dinner and then fucks you til you're a babbling mess when you get home, carefully cleaning you off afterwards and holding you until you fall asleep.

—> dom!yelena who gets needy for you at a gala the team was forced to attend to make them seem "more involved in current issues and more charitable to those in need". the team was supposed to be focused on being social and making connections to better their public image, but you were the only thing on yelena's mind from the moment she saw you in your dress for the event. despite her attempts to distract herself and shift her focus to be on socializing, her thoughts always went back to how perfect you looked. your hair beautifully styled and your face adorned with smoky makeup, complimenting the floor-length red dress you wore that showed off your 4-inch heels with a slit going up to your mid thigh (the slit was driving her crazy of course). yelena had never been more relieved than she was the moment that your manager told the team you guys could head out, hurriedly taking your hand and leaving the venue to go straight back to the compound so she could finally get her hands (and her lips) on you.

[no-byler-doubt-here]

Stranger Things: The Value of Perspective

I think my LEAST FAVORITE and, quite frankly, the stupidest “argument” milkvans/anti-bylers use is this:

“Mike wouldn’t break up with El; he wouldn’t want to hurt her like that.”

I have to say that there are SO. MANY. things wrong with this statement that absolutely irk me and let me know that whoever states this genuinely doesn’t understand Stranger Things at all and is easily susceptible to a character’s biases in a given situation.

Let’s break it down…

This statement is spoken from an overbearingly limited perspective of the show.

Those who make this statement/very similar statements ONLY EVER say that Mike will break up with El. It doesn’t matter the context in which said people decide to make this statement; whether Byler related or not, there is ALWAYS someone who, out of the blue, says this. Their habitual instinct to always assume Mike is the one who will initiate their hypothetical breakup is straight madness. I have NEVER ONCE seen any milkvan argue against Byler by stating, “El wouldn’t breakup with Mike because that’ll hurt his feelings!”

What this repetitive tendency reveals about such fans is that they don’t actually have a grasp as to how Season 4 ended. They lack so much understanding of El’s personal arc in Season 3 and 4 to the point that they believe she’s 1) so perfectly content in her relationship that no audience member would ever CONSIDER the possibility of her taking charge in breaking up with Mike a second time and 2) doesn’t have the proper independence/self-confidence to even do so.

I think we can all agree here on the Byler tag that the Season 4 ending was, to put it flat out, quite ambiguous. Mike and El’s relationship was up in the air while Mike and Will seemed to be growing closer again. To focus on the former relationship, the reason it seemed “up in the air” is NOT because of how Mike was acting in the few last scenes, but rather because of El. SHE was the one who was putting verbal and physical (shutting the door in Hopper’s cabin) distance between them. SHE was the one who passed Mike on the hill and proceeded to stand ahead of him and everyone else, entirely alone.

I feel it’s quite appropriate to claim that, given these actions she made entirely on her own accord after 2 seasons of her gradually developing an uncertainty of her own identity within her relationship with Mike and then proceeding to somewhat heal that insecurity by stepping away from that relationship, by the end of season 4, El has a far greater sense of independence than she did at the start of season 3. Milkvan’s may acknowledge this, in theory, but they obviously don’t stand by it if they’re making the statement this whole post is based off of. If they did truly accept this part of her identity, they wouldn’t always limit the possibility of a Milkvan breakup to Mike’s choice. El should and does have equal autonomy to Mike in their relationship, but Milkvans ignore it in this situation.

Rather, Milkvans tend to view the ending of season 4 from purely their surface-level understanding of Mike’s perspective i.e. he believed he “fixed” everything in his relationship with El through his “confession” which is all heavily laced with contradictions and lies (the painting). Personally, I, too, believe that Mike thought he healed their relationship because he believed he said what El wanted to hear, but basing your theories for the future of a relationship from purely one person’s perspective is astonishingly immature and lacks critical support.

Let’s put it this way:

If Mike thinks their relationship is fixed, that would mean El must be content too. This is essentially what Milkvans would use to support the argument I mentioned at the beginning. “If their relationship is okay, that would mean Mike breaking up with El would hurt her!”

You notice what’s wrong with this argument now? It’s only taking into account Mike’s perspective. We’re assuming what El feels based on Mike’s heavily biased opinion on the whole fiasco. Because we decide to ignore El’s own identity arc independent from Mike in season 3 and 4 and trust that what Mike believes is correct, we never give thought to El ever considering taking a step forward and initiating the breakup on her own. Through this, the GA/milkvans are deducting SO MUCH characterization from El and reducing her character to being someone whose opinions fully depend on Mike’s, which is EXACTLY WHAT SHE’S TRYING TO ESCAPE FROM.

Additionally, the plain argument that Mike would ever even initiate a breakup is shoved aside by Milkvans entirely because they believe that since Mike is seemingly content with their relationship, he simply wouldn’t ever consider breaking up with her in the first place (which I agree with). The issue is that they end the argument here. They never consider the possibility of El initiating the breakup because of everything I’ve previously mentioned, further revealing that blatant misunderstanding of much of El’s independent character arc season 3 and 4, diminishing her identity to being one that’s a product of Mike’s.

I hope this made sense! I also hope this really helps bring to attention the hidden biases Stranger Things characters have when you’re watching/analyzing a scene/theme. Feel free to ask any follow up questions! 😊😊

[edwardslvrr]

NO I’M NOT IN LOVE ☆ rafe cameron PART 1

✦　　　.　　MATTER FACT, WE COULD BE FRIENDSES

𝜗𝜚 bodyguard!rafecameron x popstar!reader

Yn Yln has been dealing with too many stalkers and papparazi lately, it's made her team worry about her and hire her a personal bodyguard. Insert Rafe Cameron, the new bodyguard, who is the talk of the internet every time he is working. Known as 'the attractive grumpy bodyguard'. And well now even Yn can't resist the charm.

FAMOUS BODYGUARD, WE’VE ALL SEEN HIM AROUND, RAFE CAMERON. BUT WHAT DO WE REALLY KNOW ABOUT THIS MAN?

Rafe Cameron was born on June 14, 1997 in North Carolina, United States as the son of wealthy corporate lawyer Ward Cameron. He was raised In luxury Figure eight.

In July 2015, he enlisted in the U.S. Marine Corps against his father’s wishes, as it was decided from early age he should take over his father’s law firm which he turned down when he turned eighteen.

He completed his basic training at Parris Island, then went to The School of Infantry (SOI) located in eastern North Carolina at Camp Lejeune.

In 2016 he was assigned as 1st Recon Battalion at Camp Pendleton In San Diego, California. Where he had to sneak into dangerous places to find information and spy on their enemies. He careied out quick attacks with small teams. He applied for MARSOC selection, where he had to do extremely tough training, and only a few make it through — like Rafe.

After such difficult training at MARSOC he became a Critical Skills Operator — highly trained Marine and got deployed to multiple operations like Afghanistan, Northern Africa, and Eastern Europe all throughout 2018 until 2020.

He returned in 2021 with minor injuries during his latest mission, but with lingering PTSD symptoms. He received Navy Commendation Medal and Joint Service Achievement Medal. In 2021 he got honourably discharged after his 6 years of service for the country.

Coming home he cut contact with his father as refused to work for Ward Cameron in any way, he spend 6 months recovering off-grid while regaining mental stability.

Months later he joins HAVOC Security Solutions, a private security firm, who are known for protecting famous artists and CEO’s. He got recommended to work for Yn Yln in 2023 after a dangerous stalker-incident at one of her concerts in Los Angeles.

After this he became her full time protection agent and follows her around the world, he has protected her from many crazy fans around the world. He’s known online as the grumpy but hot bodyguard of Yn Yln, always seen grumpy around everyone but soft and caring when it comes to the singer herself.

Press has begun romantically linking him to Yn Yln but they’ve both haven’t said a word about it anywhere.

𓂃⋆.˚ yourname’s new instagram post

liked by rafecameron, yourbestfriend and 1.288.783 others

yourname first post of the year, and the moods i’ve been in bc wtf

view all comments

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𓂃⋆.˚ rafecameron’s new instagram story

𓂃⋆.˚ yourname’s new instagram story

AUTHORS TALKING -> bro the research into military went crazy, that’s why it took me a while was supposed to post this a week ago😭

TAGLIST -> @hqtlineee @drunkinthemiddleoftheday @rafestoothbrush @kissesandmartinis @ijustwanttoreadlols @sisterslytherinog @kay133sposts @leather-n-velvet @bradshawed @fastlovela @kravitzwhore @inthelibrarybtw

TAGLIST -> comment on this post to be added to my rafe cameron taglist

MAIN MASTERLIST -> click here to see more

[rjalker]

Make sure you also go to the forum and post your criticism there, too, even if you've never used the forums before and have to make an account to do so:

There's a very clear reason they want to force people to only be able to provide *private* feedback, with comments disabled on the blog post.

Let your feedback be public too. Post it on the forum thread, even if it's the same exact thing every other person ahead of you has said.

Hold them accountable and don't let the AI shills take over the conversation or pretend that they're the only ones being reasonable.

I only found out about this fiasco yesterday by lucky chance. The only ones left on the forum thread are the shills. Drown them out. Copy and paste everything you put into the feedback form and put it in the forum.

Not certain if this has already been posted about here, but iNaturalist recently uploaded a blog post stating that they had received a grant from Google to incorporate new forms of generative AI into their 'computer vision' model.

I'm sure I don't need to tell most of you why this is a horrible idea, that does away with much of the trust gained by the thus far great service that is iNaturalist. But, to elaborate on my point, to collaborate with Google on tools such as these is a slap in the face to much of the userbase, including a multitude of biological experts and conservationists across the globe.

They claim that they will work hard to make sure that the identification information provided by the AI tools is of the highest quality, which I do not entirely doubt from this team. I would hope that there is a thorough vetting process in place for this information (Though, if you need people to vet the information, what's the point of the generative AI over a simple wiki of identification criteria). Nonetheless, if you've seen Google's (or any other tech company's) work in this field in the past, which you likely have, you will know that these tools are not ready to explain the nuances of species identification, as they continue to provide heavy amounts of complete misinformation on a daily basis. Users may be able to provide feedback, but should a casual user look to the AI for an explanation, many would not realize if what they are being told is wrong.

Furthermore, while the data is not entirely my concern, as the service has been using our data for years to train its 'computer vision' model into what it is today, and they claim to have ways to credit people in place, it does make it quite concerning that Google is involved in this deal. I can't say for certain that they will do anything more with the data given, but Google has proven time and again to be highly untrustworthy as a company.

Though, that is something I'm less concerned by than I am by the fact that a non-profit so dedicated to the biodiversity of the earth and the naturalists on it would even dare lock in a deal of this nature. Not only making a deal to create yet another shoehorned misinformation machine, that which has been proven to use more unclean energy and water (among other things) than it's worth for each unsatisfactory and untrustworthy search answer, but doing so with one of the greediest companies on the face of the earth, a beacon of smog shining in colors antithetical to the iNaturalist mission statement. It's a disgrace.

In conclusion, I want to believe in the good of iNaturalist. The point stands, though, that to do this is a step in the worst possible direction. Especially when they, for all intents and purposes, already had a system that works! With their 'computer vision' model providing basic suggestions (if not always accurate in and of itself), and user suggested IDs providing further details and corrections where needed.

If you're an iNaturalist user who stands in opposition to this decision, leave a comment on this blog post, and maybe we can get this overturned.

[Note: Yes, I am aware there is good AI used in science, this is generative AI, which is a different thing entirely. Also, if you come onto this post with strawmen or irrelevant edge-cases I will wring your neck.]

[punch-aholic]

I might take this down later but I received a comment on the Hydra Walker AU that made me deeply uncomfortable. I don’t like the insinuation that I support anything like that and when I created the AU I wasn’t in the mindset that it would be a problem since I was essentially just recreating the Bucky storyline. However I’m nothing if not open to criticism so I’m putting out this post for feedback. If the AU is problematic I’ll take down the fanart and the fic immediately, I don’t want to perpetuate anything like that on my page and the implication of me being okay with that kind of thing breaks my heart. Please let me know if the AU makes you uncomfortable and if enough people come forward I’ll take it down.

Much love <3

- Avie

[kkoct-ik]

milgram analysis: how mikoto introjects and conforms himself to social misconceptions around DID

analysing mikoto's character, how Milgram frames DID to characters and audience, and following how mikoto's sense of self and presentation develops in response to Milgram and the DID label.

(google docs ver for ease of reading)

will be referring to milgram-en's (John Doe, Neoplasm, interrogation) and Maristelina's (timeline) translations. thank you for your work!

note on content: i am die-hard autistic about DID representation.

as of writing this essay, i've already written two long analytical essays criticising mikoto's reception, and sharing my (strong) opinions on how i believe his DID functions.

while it's not necessary to have read my previous essays to understand this one, if you would like to understand my take on him in more depth, or just read more of my criticism around DID representation, you can find links to them here on my website!

note on names: for the purposes of this post:

mikoto refers to the person/system, all parts included

'mikoto' refers to any normative part of mikoto, when intentionally distinguished (ie. when the idea of mikoto having a 'normal' self is evoked and spoken of in opposition to an 'other' self)

mikoto (俺) refers to the 'othered' mikoto that appears in the John Doe (Trial 1) voice drama and attacks es. it also refers to the 'othered' mikoto from the timeline conversations, as that is the pronoun used, although these are not necessarily 'the same alter'.

mikoto (オレ) refers to the 'othered' mikoto that appears in the Neoplasm (Trial 2) voice drama and claims to be the alter who commit murder.

i'm working with translations and 09 is a complicated character, so please forgive any slip ups!

thank you for reading.

introduction: why do social misconceptions matter?

in my experience, a lot of discussions about mikoto are dominated by the fact that he has DID.

more specifically, i find that a lot of discussions around mikoto are dominated by the impression that his dissociative disorder indicates that 'plurality' or 'systemhood' is his inherent state of being. i find many people believe that having DID makes you 'a system' of discrete parts / alters / personalities, while others who do not suffer from DID, are not. therefore, the reveal of mikoto's DID is the reveal that mikoto is not one identity, but instead a 'system' of multiple alters that are yet to be defined and discovered.

this way of understanding mikoto leads many to interpret es', jackalope's, and kotoko's labelling of mikoto with DID as a generally neutral act — or even a positive one.

while mikoto, for the most part, is not aware of his DID, and being forced to be aware of his symptoms may be destabilising, because it is a 'fact' he has DID, this label being applied to him would seem to ultimately be an act that brings us closer to understanding mikoto and the truth that lies within him. it would seem that by reaching this label, adapting how we see him according to it, and subsequently communicating with mikoto's alters as individuals, all es does through their labelling of mikoto with DID is 'uncover' a 'truth' about mikoto and act accordingly, as one should.

in my opinion, having preconceptions about how one's self operates and would benefit from being treated, just because their symptoms correspond to a diagnostic label, is misguided and dehumanising to the mentally ill. more specifically to mikoto, i think these preconceptions have completely overridden any potential discussion about his themes, character influences, and the commentary on power dynamics, toxic social expectations, and coercive self-identification that Milgram provides.

mikoto is not just a character that suffers from the symptoms of DID. mikoto is, also, a highly socially conscious, adaptable, and vulnerable character, that is an expert at gleaning the expectations placed on him by those in power and authority, and conforming to them, to spare him from scrutiny and gain social benefits.

i believe mikoto's relationship to the label of DID and his 'systemhood' is less so about indicating his inherent state of being, and moreso a tool he adopts due to the social position he is placed in during Milgram, that he uses for his survival, and introjects to protect his self-image.

or: i believe mikoto actively responds to the label of DID as it is applied to him, gleans the social expectations of the label, and acts accordingly, introjecting a 'multiple' way of seeing his self as a way to make sense of his inner turmoil, and playing the cards he is dealt socially, taking advantage of the audience's preconceptions around those with DID to help him avoid responsibility for his acts.

enjoy the read. i have a lot to cover.

main body 1: culture and conformity (quick section)

let's first put him into context.

being a person that suffers from a mental illness changes how you engage with the world.

not does being mentally ill mean you are considered to be atypical in how you view and interact with the world, with that difference causing impaired functioning and disruption to your health, but being mentally ill also impacts how others and wider society treat and value you, and subsequently how you treat, see, and value yourself.

in many societies, including japanese, having mental illness is a source of shame. because being considered mentally ill - having impaired functioning - involves the inability to fulfil an expected societal role or conform to societal and social expectations, being labelled as and functionally mentally ill often reaps the consequence of being unable to fit into society: being ostracised, being deemed an 'other', a worthless human, and/or a threat.

under the threat of ostracisation from their societies, and in the avoidance of shame, many people, such as mikoto, value their social roles, and have strong ideas about how they 'should' act and how they 'should' progress through life. should they struggle with their mental health, or otherwise feel that they are not acting or existing as they 'should', many will do anything in their power to maintain the illusion of functioning and normalcy, sacrificing their wellbeing in private and repressing any parts of themselves that they deem socially unacceptable.

mikoto, on practically every level in his life outside of Milgram, is not in a position to engage with the notion of being nonconformist. there is too much at stake for him, in his livelihood, his social position, his familial responsibilities, and his self-image.

it has been, and continues to be, vital for mikoto's survival that he stick to his established social role and conform to any social expectations placed on him, even if it causes him harm, because by aligning himself with the expectations of those with power over him, he can expect those in power and authority to favour (or overlook) him, helping him avoid scrutiny, shame, and the loss of everything he has sacrificed for.

this approach to navigating the world is ingrained in mikoto, and brings us the mikoto we encounter in Milgram.

main body 2: mikoto and social expectations

milgram.jp/character/mikoto (Profile): 常識人なりに常に状況に対して順応しようとしている。 tl: "A sensible* person who is always trying to [adapt/conform/acclimate/accomodate] to whatever the situation is." By "sensible", it means acting in accordance with prudence and propriety with the mores. (@milgram-en)

mikoto is first introduced to us by emphasising how 'normal', average, and "sensible*" he is, and the fact he is a man that is "always trying to [adapt/conform/etc.]" to the situation at hand, conveying how attuned and aligned he is to social expectations. he also describes himself along these lines, emphasising his desire to be seen as a conformist and non-objectionable individual.

outside of the impression of normalcy he intentionally gives us, it is also likely that mikoto genuinely sees himself in this way, due to his own avoidance and a psychological need to protect his sense of self. (I speak in this essay about mikoto's relationship to shame.)

mikoto's desire to be seen and see himself as non-objectionable extends to a pathological degree; he displays a severe disconnect from unacceptable parts of his identity (such as his ever being angry before) that instead manifest in his dissociative parts,

he appears to / acts as if he has have no memory of his murder, and violent outbursts,

my friend pointed out that the dream imagery in MeMe and Double may be suggestive of his derealisation (it may imply he does have memory of his murders, but it feel so unreal and foreign to him that he can only feel that it must have been a bad dream he had),

and when pushed on the matter that he may be a murderer and have just forgotten, he has a panic attack, and his normative parts are forced to switch out and disengage, ensuring his dissociation from everything unacceptable about him, including the fact that he is a murderer, remains intact.

these traits mikoto has early on in Milgram are indicative of the person he has developed to be as a result of his upbringing and sociocultural influences. his social expectations outside of Milgram, to name a few, are to be operational, obedient to authority, and to conform. he cannot be, and therefore 'is not', strange, abrasive, mentally ill, or a murderer.

however, Milgram itself is a society in a sense, with its own social expectations, norms, and statuses. in John Doe, mikoto's insistence on his normalcy is rejected, due to being incongruent with the reality of Milgram, that denotes that he is a murderer. es attempts to force mikoto to acknowledge the reality of Milgram, and although he initially shuts down, dissociates, and is forced to switch, mikoto's resistance to the label of murderer is a losing battle, and he knows it.

milgram.jp/character/mikoto (Profile): 夜中になってもミコトの監獄からは物音がするため、いつ寝ているのかがわからないと囚人の間で話題。 tl: "There are noises coming from Mikoto's prison even in the middle of the night, and the prisoners say they have no idea when he is asleep."

moreover, mikoto is attuned to the rising realisation that something is not right, and that others are becoming concerned about and afraid of him.

since the negative reputation mikoto gains in Milgram amongst his fellow prisoners would seem to be about the seemingly aggressive actions of his other parts (such as breaking things in his room while having meltdowns, defending himself against kotoko, and being judged unforgiven in Trial 1 following his (俺) violent outburst), mikoto likely feels he is not able to smooth this negative reputation over with his normative and passive demeanour alone, and likely feels very out of control of his circumstances, reputation, and self overall.

all of these indicate to mikoto that he is in a new, strange place, removed from his ordinary life, with a new authority (the word of the warden) to conform and appeal to, lest he ostracised, punished, scrutinised, and have his ego shattered.

and interestingly, while he persists in being unable to integrate with his sense of self the idea that he is a murderer or commit violent acts, at the very end of John Doe he is bestowed a diagnostic label, that is then proposed to and adopted by Milgram's figure of authority. this label he finds applied to him is one that carries a preconceived notion around his personhood, and may just free him from having to challenge his fragile self-image, and instead blame everything unexplainable about him on an external force, if he just plays along.

main body 3: mikoto and the label of DID

at the end of John Doe, and following mikoto's (俺) switch and violent outburst at es' prodding, kotoko armchair diagnoses mikoto with DID.

(at the beginning of Trial 2, Milgram (through jackalope) would seem to have confirmed this to be an accurate assessment, but in my opinion that's neither here nor there; just because he 'has' a disorder, does not make him an expert in it, necessarily honest about his symptoms, or immune to playing up his presentation for social benefits or because of outside influences that coerce how he conceptualises himself in light of the label.)

when understanding what this act of labelling could mean to him, it's important to establish that, up to the beginning of Neoplasm, mikoto himself seems to a) not be aware that this is a condition he suffers from, and b) only really have a surface level knowledge of what DID is. he asks es about basic functions of and theory around the condition, and even confesses that in es' shoes, he would have assumed someone claiming to have DID was a liar trying to dodge responsibility.

that is to say, from the moment he realises this is a label being applied to him, the only real information he has about what this label means and what his social position is now is lifted directly from what es tells him, and what we, as the audience (that he hears as 'voices' between Trial 1 and 2) apply to him. which is great for me. what a controlled environment to analyse.

in my opinion, the earliest point that mikoto may have realised the DID label / model was being applied to him, is at the end of John Doe. even implicitly, es introduces to mikoto the concept of there being 'another him' or some 'outside' force within him.

even earlier than that, kotoko very powerfully controls the audience's eventual discourse around how we should be thinking about him in light of the diagnosis. by directly tying the label of DID she applies to him to an abstracted debate about culpability in patients with DID, the status of 'person with DID' mikoto gains fundamentally becomes a question of if he should be 'let off' for his actions because of it. therefore, Milgram ensures that a leading debate when it comes to mikoto and his diagnosis is the possibility of being forgiven because it was not 'actually him' that commit those acts.

(i'm not sure where to fit this, but i do want to comment on the violence of applying this stigmatised diagnosis to him so carelessly and without his consent, and especially encouraging es to see him accordingly as a 'case' of DID ('real multiple personality disorder patient'), thus dehumanising him by transforming him into an abstract thought experiment. i personally think it's abusive and prejudiced to act like his personhood and manner of existing is for an authority to 'other' and define; despite his dissociation, mikoto does not express a desire to be seen as multiple alters until it becomes strategically useful, and i genuinely believe that applying the label of DID, and thus the model of 'systemhood'/'multiplicity' onto him, without his consent, is abusive and prejudiced. i believe any person's decision to see and express themselves as a 'system' of multiple selves must be done on their own accord and for their own benefit, and not because they are pathologised and somehow deemed inherently 'different' as a human being. ok, i just wanted to say this.)

all this to say, between Trial 1 and Trial 2, at the same time that mikoto is coping with and trying to make sense of this traumatic and strange situation, feeling out of control of his circumstances, reputation, and self, he is persistently hearing the audience discuss the notion that there could be 'another him' responsible for all his intolerable acts, behaviours, and personality traits, as well as the idea that this 'other him' is also 'not him', and that it is a possibility they may not hold mikoto responsible for the actions and existence of the 'other him'.

it has been, and continues to be, vital for mikoto's survival that he [...] conform to any social expectations placed on him, even if it causes him harm, because by aligning himself with the expectations of those with power over him, he can expect those in power and authority to favour (or overlook) him, helping him avoid scrutiny, shame, and the loss of everything he has sacrificed for.

as i've established, mikoto has a narrow self image. he is avoidant to acknowledging distress and possesses a psychological need to protect his sense of self and appear normative, functional, and socially acceptable, which he does by disowning parts of himself and dissociating.

not only is it helpful for him to play the cards he's dealt and adapt to the position he has found himself in to curry the favour of those in power (because frankly, weakly and confusedly resisting es' assertions of his identity as a murderer due to his normative parts' narrow sense of self is draining and triggering to him, and getting him nowhere in terms of Milgram), but i cannot emphasise enough how subconsciously appealing of an explanation it must be to him, to imagine that everything he has psychologically disowned actually 'isn't him', and therefore an aspect of his self he does not have to face responsibility or consequences for.

that is to say, although he truly suffers from DID and has truly dissociated from parts of his self so much that he cannot and refuses to recognise them as himself, because kotoko evokes the common and 'othering' misconception that alters are discrete and autonomous (and opens the debate about the possibility of not holding one responsible for the acts of the other), the audience's debate encourages mikoto to adopt the belief, outlook, and strategy that his alters are 'different people', distinct from him, and solely responsible for the acts mikoto has dissociated himself from.

main body 4: introjected stigma and self-conceptualisation

while i think on a lot of levels, mikoto conforms to the DID status as a tool for his Trial 2 interrogation, it is still worth noting that as a vulnerable person with a socially reliant sense of self, mikoto is vulnerable to introjecting stigma and negative conceptions around the mentally ill, and applying them to himself, which negatively impacts on his self-image.

date: August 5th, 2024 (Kazui's Birthday)

even without es' presence to perform to and gain benefits, as Milgram progresses, mikoto appears to slowly grow to worry about himself and genuinely start to believe he is unpredictable and violent, thus seeking to isolate himself from others. he also demonstrates the assumption that kazui is in touch with the social consensus that there is something scary or strange about mikoto, and expects kazui to treat him and think about him accordingly.

AMANE: ...Who are you? How intriguing. Are you saying you are not Mikoto Kayano? MIKOTO: Ha- You're asking who am "I"? That's what "I" wanna know. Whoops, don't come any closer. I'm in a rebellious phase and there's no guarantee I won't kill you, brat [kid] or not. Just leave quietly.

date: October 6th, 2024 (Mikoto's Birthday) (source)

mikoto, later, also directly engages with the social consensus that there is something strange and scary about him. during his birthday interaction, mikoto (俺, it would seem, or at the least an 'other mikoto' that uses this personal pronoun, given that's what's written) actively portrays himself to amane as 'not mikoto' — a violent and unpredictable undefined existence, that people should stay away from, and reinforcing his established negative social perception.

this is in line with mikoto's growing internalised belief that, due to his (or, in having) mental illness, he is violent and unpredictable. as ore (俺)/'not mikoto' he is also able to engage directly with this introjected belief, and actively portray himself according to how he believes others see him, to reinforce that status for his goals. for this circumstance, his goal appears to be - again - to isolate himself, because he believes that there is something wrong with him, and believes that he may become violent for no reason, something he does not want to have happen. thus he threatens amane, reminding her of his poor reputation, and 'protects' her from himself.

(note: i am calling his belief that 'he is volatile' an introjected belief, and not entertaining the idea that he is just being honest about his own violent impulses, because despite his negative reputation, mikoto (regardless of self-state) has never demonstrated that he is someone who becomes violent 'for no reason'. in my opinion, by warning amane to stay away for her own safety, he demonstrates that he does not want to hurt her. moreover, the only fights he has engaged with were explicitly in self-defense: kotoko in physical self-defense (although is unaware of this context and attributes it to sleepwalking, furthering his belief he gets into violent situations without his control and unprovoked), and es in psychological self-defense, only after being pushed far further beyond his mental limits than any other prisoner.)

another goal in this interaction with amane could also be, in my opinion, the desire to protect himself through self-isolation. because mikoto is vulnerable to social scrutiny and shame, and feels as if he can't control his acts or how he is seen, it would make sense that he therefore strives not to be seen by or interact with anybody, allowing him to maintain at least some amount of control over his selfhood and the way he is seen. thus, just like his interaction with kazui, mikoto (俺) plays the cards he has been dealt to his advantage, and reminds others of his negative social perception, to secure a relative social safety in being isolated.

i also think it's worth commenting on the dimension of mikoto (俺) in this interaction being 'not mikoto', and the psychological and social advantages of playing into a sense of DID/multiplicity. i think a major aspect for how mikoto internalises the DID label and sense of an 'other mikoto', is because by cementing a 'not mikoto', it helps mikoto scapegoat his undesirable traits onto an 'other'.

when it comes to mikoto's (俺) warning to amane while he emulates the outcasted and rough social role he perceives as having, framing himself as 'not mikoto' allows him to act in the way he does to protect himself & others, without challenging his strong sense of what 'is' mikoto (ie. socially conscious, innocent, conformist, sensitive). thus, mikoto (俺) does what he needs to do, and by psychologically removing his self from the act, protects his ego and preserves - at least to him - the illusion of normative 'mikoto'.

moreover, it is likely his (俺) sense of being 'not mikoto' is also a genuine dissociative feeling he has. because 'mikoto' is a narrowed identity that has disowned the majority of his own personality and humanity, and the traits and manners of existing contained in the 'other mikotos' are disallowed from being 'mikoto', it does beg the question to every other part of him of who they 'are'.

in my experience, drawing attention to (or god forbid, reinforcing) identity alteration/confusion makes it worse. therefore, i can believe that while in previous dissociative episodes mikoto has similarly felt 'altered' and 'not like himself', without the social pressure of Milgram and a preoccupation with the notion of having other selves (instead being preoccupied with his conformist identity and life responsibilities), he did not dwell on it, and quickly lost connection entirely with the instance in which he felt strange (either through estrangement and brushing it off, or forgetting it altogether).

in contrast, because in Milgram, DID and mikoto's strangeness is made to be at the forefront of his mind, the dysphoria inducing differences between what he thinks 'he' is like and what he is actually like become amplified. mikoto has likely become more alert to his idea of his 'self' and his manners of existing, leading him to more easily feel strange and 'out-of-character' for minor ways in which he does not conform to his narrowed sense of self, which leads his ostracised parts to properly notice and be affected by their exclusion from mikoto's accepted sense of self. thus, they perceive themselves — and begin expressing themselves — as unexplainable, disowned, existences.

date: October 6th, 2023 (Mikoto's Birthday)

mikoto also directly confronts the idea that there is 'another him' during his 2023 birthday timeline conversation, and we even get to see two sides of him express their personhoods in opposition to one another.

i think this exchange really demonstrates how mikoto uses a sense of multiplicity to cope with his own shame and his fears around feeling out of control. by splitting himself in two, mikoto can both blame 'himself' for his traumas and social ostracisation, expressing his internalised shame and self hatred, while also preserving 'himself' as an innocent victim and externalising his grief.

the beginning of this interaction is, explicitly, because mikoto 'comes around' to the model of multiplicity people have forcibly applied to him. with it in mind, 'mikoto' makes sense of everything that has caused him grief and blames it on the 'other him'.

specifically:

1. 'mikoto' blames the 'other him' for ripping his clothes: specifically, he blames the 'other him' for ripping his straitjacket he wears into t2 that, we can infer from the shreds, had incredibly long sleeves and bodice, and was likely used to restrict his movement and possibly restrain him.

therefore, while 'mikoto' blames the 'other him' for for the frightening state of his clothes, in context, mikoto's act to tear his clothes was one of resisting oppression. it was probably also an act of expressing more than a little rage at the injustice mikoto is facing in being incarcerated and abused.

'mikoto' does not acknowledge or sympathise with this context, and whether 'mikoto' is psychologically aware of this context to the 'other his' actions is unclear. it is possible his distress about his ripped clothes, and why he lashes out at the 'other him' for doing that, is because he is so dissociated that he is genuinely unaware of why he did this, and is frightened by the unexplainable and feeling out of control.

i think it's also possible that even if mikoto was aware of why he ripped up his straitjacket, he would not have sympathised with his past decision, and would still have verbally abused himself for acting out of line. because ripping the straitjacket is an act of resisting oppression — not conforming to his social position and submitting to authority — 'mikoto' likely finds it an unacceptable and dysphoric act. moreover, because ripping the straitjacket is more than likely an expression of rage, an emotion 'mikoto' does not allow him to express as 'himself' (and likely feels he has no experience with, as 'himself'), this goes doubly.

2. 'mikoto' also blames the 'other him' for scaring the others in the prison. i will assume this is referring to the loud noises he makes at night, the destruction of his property he does when angry, and the fight he gets into with kotoko.

(this timeline conversation takes place before the previous two i analysed, so i'll assume he hasn't began performing his 'othered' identity yet, in frightening others to protect them/himself. although, i have already covered why i believe he does this, and it's hardly malicious, so it wouldn't effect things either way.)

while it's understandable why mikoto and his fellow prisoners find mikoto's nightly crash-outs to be extreme, it's worth bearing in mind that not only is he having his rights abused, in a traumatic and triggering situation, and the only property he destroys is his own and in his own room, with no risk of anyone being caught in the cross-fire, mikoto does not have — and has never had — any healthy coping mechanisms for his anger outside of repression.

it is likely mikoto has no idea how to deal with overwhelming emotions, which not only makes them feel bigger and compound over his lifetime (as all he does is repress them, put them into a box for later, and act as if they do not exist), but also means that any time he does express them, it's not exactly in socially acceptable ways.

regarding his fight with kotoko, she explicitly attacks him first, and it seems it was only because he was 'ready' that he was able to hold his own and not be knocked unconscious (or worse, if you look at how mahiru ended up at her hands) like he was in John Doe. i think it's fair to say that any negative reputation mikoto receives for this scuffle is unfair, as is blaming an 'other mikoto' for 'scaring people' through it.

(it's also possible mikoto only perceives that people are scared of him because of his scuffle with kotoko, because he is projecting his own anxiety. it's entirely possible people are only scared of him because of the strange noises coming from his room, and his increasingly haggard demeanours, odd behaviour, self-isolation, and the fact they knew kotoko made an attempt on their life simply worries them, in a way they do not know how to approach. regardless of the reality though, he thinks others are scared of him, and punishes himself accordingly.)

thus, once again, 'mikoto' finds his — absolutely understandable, and often justifiable — expressions of anger and engagement in violence either unexplainable and frightening, or dysphoric and unacceptable, leading him to lash out to the 'other him' that he dissociates from, and that he associates with these acts.

'mikoto' also blames himself and his expressions of unacceptable emotions and behaviour for the abuse he is currently suffering within Milgram ("it's your fault things have become like this"). this is consistent with how mikoto has been conditioned throughout his life through his culture, to perceive any punishment, scrutiny, and inability to survive an unjust system as a flaw from within himself.

(this outlook also functions as a coping mechanism: by always finding the blame in himself, mikoto helps himself feel that he has control — believing that if he just does everything right, everything will turn out ok — saving him from the despair of acknowledging that social systems are often unfair, and pointlessly cruel.)

'mikoto' eventually receives a reply to his self-blame and verbal abuse after he begins to shout, with his 'other self' (who writes his personal pronoun as 俺 for this exchange) defending his actions (or the actions he identifies as having done) on the basis that he did it for 'mikoto'.

notably, mikoto (俺) never protests being blamed in itself, demonstrating that even in the parts of him that can stomach identifying with his deemed unacceptable acts and expressions, he universally lacks the self esteem to defend himself or consider it an injustice to be shamed. he also likely doesn't protest being blamed because the scapegoating of an 'other mikoto' is a source of stability for mikoto that allows normative 'mikoto' to be preserved, and thus is not a notion mikoto is willing to challenge; even if this had been a part that was willing to protest injustice, he cannot conceptualise doing so at normative 'mikoto's' expense, and also possibly cannot perceive injustice if it is at normative 'mikoto's' hands.

the interaction ends with 'mikoto' seeming to not hear mikoto's (俺) defense, and instead opting to stop thinking about this all. i personally read this as normative 'mikoto' being physically unable to process mikoto's (俺) response and dissociating very severely upon receiving one, demonstrating that normative 'mikoto', unlike his other selves, cannot directly behold his 'other selves' and parts, as they are so threatening to normative 'mikoto's' self image and enforced illusion of normalcy that characterises this part of him. therefore, it is likely that the maximum extent to how normative 'mikoto' can engage with the notion of DID / having other selves at this point, is, at best, to engage with them as an abstract concept and 'other', for the sole purpose of psychologically scapegoating.

to conclude this section, i have demonstrated that:

as a result of the rising sense that something is 'not right' with him, social sensitivity to his negative reputation, and the concept introduced to mikoto of there being 'another him' who could be held uniquely responsible for perpetrating his unforgivable acts, mikoto begins to psychologically split himself apart. he finds that he can only tolerate the reality of his situation so far, and although he is 'aware' that others are afraid of him and that he has done certain frightening things, due to his narrow and fragile normative self-image that he has cultivated to maintain his own acceptability and an illusion of control over himself, he finds himself drawn to the explanation of there being an 'other him'. from there, mikoto scapegoats all his intolerable acts and traits onto this unexplainable, abstract figure, who he feels — expressing his own intolerance towards himself — deserves to be shamed, blamed, and needs to stop doing the 'awful things' he does immediately.

in response to his new split self-perception and his preexisting complexes and weak sense of self, mikoto begins to consider himself an 'other mikoto' or 'not mikoto' whenever he finds himself in a self-state that acts or operates beyond his normative, tolerable, persona. as these newly mentally defined parts, he encourages his own psychological splitting and scapegoating, and comes to shoulder unique responsibility for his intolerable acts as his 'other selves', allowing him to maintain the security and purity of his normative persona, despite how Milgram persistently forces him to engage with an intolerable reality that would challenge it. due to natural differences between normative 'mikoto' and his 'beyond normative' self-states in what they can tolerate and engage with, mikoto (in his 'other' states) also finds himself interacting with his perceived negative social reputation, and occasionally leans into an 'othered' persona, portraying himself how he believes others see him (and how he has come to believe he 'is') — shameful, uncouth, and at risk of becoming dangerous, unprovoked — to protect himself, and others, from himself.

in this way, social stigma around mental illness, mikoto's poor relationship to himself, and the label of DID that Milgram introduces to him (the notion of there being an 'other him') drastically changes how mikoto conceptualises himself, and shapes to a massive extent how he comes to cope with Milgram — a new, traumatic and stressful society that he has found himself in.

main body 5: DID as a social tool

as established in section 3, the label of DID when applied to mikoto is fundamentally a thought experiment posed towards the audience about the culpability of persons with DID. as explored in section 4, due to the audience's suggestions and his own complexes, mikoto has begun psychologically dividing himself from the acceptable, innocent parts and unacceptable, guilty parts.

while, as mentioned in section 4, normative 'mikoto' seems unable to directly behold his 'other selves', and can only briefly entertain the thought as an abstract concept before shutting down — mikoto's 'other selves', already on the exiles of his identity, have no such phobia of the intolerable or enforced normalcy to sustain. thus, they can engage with, and negotiate according to, the model of DID and multiplicity that has been applied to them, directly.

in Neoplasm, ore (オレ) engages directly with the notion of there being an 'other mikoto', in order to scapegoat 'himself' for mikoto's crimes. this not only allows himself to protect himself psychologically, preserving an illusion of normalcy and innocence for normative 'mikoto' and encouraging Milgram to cease attacking his sense of self (instead bringing all the heat to the 'other him'), but is also vital for securing a forgiven verdict for himself, that ensures his physical safety and, hopefully, ultimate survival and freedom from Milgram.

compared to John Doe, where mikoto (俺) switches in under immense emotional pressure, and never identifies himself as 'not mikoto', when switching in Neoplasm, mikoto (オレ) makes a point to draw attention to his change in personhood. he does this by responding to es' comment about his switch roughly, openly reacting to es as if he's only just laid eyes on them in a while, and immediately, suddenly, alluding to the events of the 'other mikoto' in John Doe.

all these choices communicate to es, and reinforce the idea that, mikoto is no longer 'himself'.

after mikoto (オレ) conforms to the stereotyped, expected behaviour of a person with DID (that, honestly, even mikoto is probably aware of: change your demeanour, say hi, it's a new guy) and alerting es to the presence of a different alter, es attempts to adapt to the situation according to how one may engage with a 'case of DID'.

in light of common preconceptions around DID, es demonstrates the assumption that mikoto's alter would have a unique name and personhood (or at the least, expresses the desire to assign mikoto's alter a name, as to distinguish him from 'actual/normal mikoto').

mikoto (オレ) demonstrates a consciousness about his social standing and the absurdity of the situation he has found himself in, reacting with surprise and suspicion that es is taking this turn of events so easily, and then attempts to gauge how much es actually believes what is going on. this is a very good and socially-conscious move — it would be incredibly embarrassing and ineffective to continue if the warden was only entertaining what they thought was a blatant lie.

despite mikoto (オレ) making a direct reference to malingered DID and its infamy in cases where people fake the condition to try and escape responsibility for murder, es' response assures mikoto (オレ) that, because they have decided he is an 'authentic case' according to jackalope's judgement and the consensus of the audience, it has never crossed their mind that he may still use its social status and misconceptions around it to his advantage.

which is fucking awesome for mikoto; he has just confirmed that whether or not he 'has' DID or has an 'other self' is not up for argument. now all he (オレ) has to do to secure his physical and psychological safety, is find a way to convince the warden that everything was 'not mikoto's' fault.

despite the fact that mikoto (オレ) expresses no desire to be named anything unique (having already dodged the question once), and immediately complains about the name he is given, refusing to affirm it, es insists on naming mikoto (オレ) 'john'.

in the act of giving mikoto (オレ) a distinct name, es draws a binary in mikoto, and creates the illusion of discrete personhood between mikoto's alters, borne from their, and the audiences', rudimentary misconceptions around DID. moreover, as my friends have pointed out, by assigning him a western name, typically reserved for animals and (in being derived from 'John Doe') things that are 'unknown', es cements the sense that mikoto (オレ) is an 'other' — whether that be not japanese (not aligned with their cultural values, ideals, and society), not human (but an animal, pet, or beast), or dubiously existing or definable at all. this, again, opposes mikoto (オレ) with his normative, conformist identity, reinforcing mikoto's dissociative ostracisation, and the sense, for the audience, that mikoto exists as a binary 'system'.

mikoto (オレ) is not pleased about this development initially, due to, presumably, not actually having a particularly distinct sense of self as an alter, and probably feeling pretty insulted by the name choice. however, es' decision here to personify 'john' and crystallise the sense that the 'other mikoto' is his own distinct being who contrasts mikoto, later becomes vital for mikoto's (オレ) negotiations, and is also crucial for crystallising mikoto's reception as a 'system'. so, thanks, es. this is a surprise tool that will help us later.

mikoto (オレ) first draws a direct parallel between himself and his normative self when musing to es about how frequently he has found himself in his 'other' states, being unable to exist in his normative selves due to the psychological damage of Milgram (that accuses him of murder, seeks to restrain him, and has him finding himself doing unacceptable acts, such as lashing out against injustice). thus, the first time mikoto (オレ) reinforces the binary between 'himself' and his normative selves is to frame 'his' continued existence, to es, as a threat to 'mikoto's'.

personally, i believe this is a genuine anxiety mikoto has: mikoto wants to be his normative selves, he wants to maintain a sense of normalcy, live a safe and unobjectionable life, and he feels ashamed and monstrous when he acts out of line from that. i find it likely that mikoto genuinely finds it distressing that he has so often not 'been' or felt 'right' since the unforgiven verdict, and is afraid he may lose himself forever if Milgram persists.

i also find that, by drawing attention to this dynamic, mikoto (オレ) presents getting 'rid' of himself (オレ) as a dire priority, and encourages the warden — who will hopefully be forgiving mikoto at the expense of 'john' — to act fast in making their decision, freeing mikoto from his emotional turmoil as soon as possible. he makes sure the warden is aware that under any more pressure, the illusion of normative 'mikoto' will be shattered forever; mikoto is on the verge of breaking, becoming unable to know who he is, know how to live, or know how to cope with his acts and existence.

or, in split-personality stereotyping terms, mikoto will 'disappear', and only 'john' will be left.

which, in the eyes of practically everybody involved, is not an ideal outcome.

after asking es about a basic function of DID — what causes a dissociative separation between self-states — mikoto (オレ) ponders on why he (オレ) exists and has been himself (オレ) so often, and naturally begins to allude to 'mikoto's' distress at being persecuted for crimes he does not remember, rationalising that this is why his normative self has not felt conscious lately.

i feel that the way in which he expresses his relationship to his crimes ("the person in question...") draws attention to the unique selfhood of 'mikoto-who-does-not-remember', and conveys it at a distance, reinforcing both the idea that normative 'mikoto's' self has nothing to do with his murderous acts, and that this self is estranged from the mikoto that is speaking.

(according to my friend, the incredibly objective way he speaks here almost makes him sound like a defense lawyer (or other third party) representing his client. this tone and framing of his selves helps mikoto create the illusion that ore's (オレ) assessment of his normative self can be trusted — it's generally a lot more convincing to say somebody else didn't do it than that 'you' didn't do it — and discourages es from interrogating (attacking) his normative self any further, as he has a reliable, compliant, and well-spoken 'representative')

in light of ore's (オレ) compliance and confident, seemingly trustworthy assessments of his normative self, es seems prepared to take mikoto's words as the truth. and psychologically, i find it pretty understandable why they do.

in my opinion, the bulk of es' struggles with mikoto in John Doe can be attributed to that fact that es clings to a universal truth that Milgram is 'just' and does not make mistakes. es trusts that Milgram would not have brought in mikoto had he not commit murder, and uses this belief as the basis of their interrogation. however, mikoto is unable to face this fact; the universal truth he clings to in opposition to es is his normative reality and sense of self. therefore, during the bulk of John Doe, mikoto stubbornly resists es' notions, es stubbornly resists his, and they find themselves at a standstill and conflict. both parties find themselves unable to reconcile the facts that they respectively trust in, as they hold two contradictory realities.

however, if we are prepared to believe mikoto has different autonomous selves, this would seem to provide a new, seemingly logical answer as to why mikoto has found himself admitted to Milgram. through the explanation that it was another of mikoto's selves, Milgram was not 'wrong' that mikoto had commit murder, but mikoto himself also, strictly speaking, never acted out of line, as it was not really 'him'. in this way, Milgram's integrity is preserved, and mikoto's integrity is preserved as well. from es' perspective, ore's compliance and the reality he offers in Neoplasm is a breath of fresh air. the split-personality explanation works for them both.

from this proposed reality, es makes the assumption that if normative 'mikoto' had not commit the crime, it must have been 'john', the other self-state mikoto has that es has established for themselves in their mind. mikoto (オレ) agrees with this assumption when they query — notably, shockingly easily.

i find it makes a lot of sense that mikoto can make his 'confession' so matter-of-factly. after all, what mikoto so easily and remorselessly confesses to here ("ore ga bukkoroshita"), is not really a matter of any person's 'guilt' at all. as i've established, the personhoods of the other dissociated mikotos are largely defined by feeling like unexplainable, disowned existences that act as scapegoats and targets for shame and blame. therefore, there is not much emotional stake in this confession. mikoto, at best, feels that he is blaming a mere concept, and at worst, feels he is blaming an unexplainable plague within himself that is used to — and likely 'deserves' — being blamed.

instead, through his 'confession', what mikoto so easily and remorselessly provides to es, is simply the 'fact' that he has been insisting on from the start. he even makes a point to repeat himself, saying it in two ways.

"[this current existence, who is not mikoto] killed." and "[mikoto] didn't do it."

mikoto never really changes his story. he persists in clinging to his normative reality and self. what he does change, however, is his strategy and social performance, that he adapts as he gains a greater awareness of the position he is in and the expectations being placed on him. therefore, coming into Neoplasm, he advocates for his innocence not as stubborn, difficult, normative 'mikoto', who struggles to conform to the realities of Milgram, but instead from the perspective of a compliant, 'objective third party', who pitches an explanation for mikoto's circumstances that, largely, conforms to the warden's worldviews and beliefs.

in this way, mikoto adapts himself, and becomes and performs the perfect self suited for Milgram to secure his physical and psychological survival. mikoto conforms to everything: the expected and preferred behaviour (compliance, confession), the beliefs of the authorities around him (that Milgram is correct), and the assumptions of his personhood he finds applied on him (that he is volatile and aggressive, the rumours of DID and being multiple selves) and uses and conforms to them all to his advantage.

because by aligning himself with the expectations of those with power over him, he can expect those in power and authority to favour (or overlook) him, helping him avoid scrutiny, shame, and the loss of everything he has sacrificed for.

as he could expect — because he knows how the world works — by conforming and aligning himself with the expectations of those in authority, he is rewarded. mikoto is believed. mikoto is favoured. mikoto is overlooked. absolutely instantly.

es never questions mikoto's (オレ) 'confession', nor his weak and generic responses to being pressed for further details, nor really the logistics of a self-state alone committing murder. in fact, mikoto's (オレ) vague descriptions of his acts only seem to convince them further.

when es seems thoroughly convinced by the confession, mikoto (オレ) once again checks with where es is at with their ruling, allowing him to gauge his next course of action with his interrogation strategy. after learning that es believes the conventional approach to these situations would be capital punishment, mikoto panics (オレ).

(as per usual, this response is likely both because he (as a dissociated part of himself) genuinely feels mortified at the idea of his normative self being punished for things his normative self 'did not do' (despite the fact he only gets the impression he has an innocent, normative self because he has psychologically removed all his shameful acts from that mental construct), and because he would definitely rather not physically die or be punished as a human being — the ideal is that he is able to blame something that does not really exist or exists outside of him, to avoid taking responsibility and having to integrate or face his acts.)

in response to es' unresponsiveness to the notion that normative 'mikoto' should be let off and go unpunished if it was 'only ore's (オレ) fault', mikoto (オレ) begins spinning sympathy for his normative self.

first he (オレ) claims his normative self was 'asleep' for his murders, emphasising his uninvolvement, but also vulnerability. when that doesn't work, he (オレ) shouts at es to empathise with 'mikoto's' position, highlighting how pitiful, alone, well-behaved, and sensitive mikoto is, and frames him as a victim, highlighting how the cards were just all stacked against him.

mikoto (オレ) asserts that that 'he' has always done everything right, and that anything he didn't do right was never 'him'. he implies that the worst thing 'he' ever did was simply 'give birth' to his 'other self', and that even that wasn't his fault, and that 'he' never wanted, nor had control over, the acts he attributes to 'not-mikoto'.

he may or may not truly believe this. he may only emotionally believe it, or even just want to believe it. nonetheless, it's a convenient reality to propose.

in response to es buckling down about the conventional legal approach to these matters (and bringing attention to the fact that human life was lost), mikoto (オレ), in return, buckles down on his emotional argument and illusory binary, and pressures es to approach him as 'themself'.

i find that by drawing attention to es' judgement as an individual, rather than an agent of law, mikoto (オレ) forces them emotionally off-balance and distances them from their typical desire to be objective and ruthless as the warden, giving them an uncertainty they betray in the tone of their response. this plea also encourages es, in their emotionally vulnerable state, to approach him (or more specifically, the victimised 'mikoto'), in turn, as a person they've come to know and grown attached to, likely making them more sympathetic and prone to forgiveness to preserve 'mikoto's' wellbeing (consider how Milgram's audience generally buys the idea that mikoto is a helpless victim, and feel bad at the notion of voting him guilty, especially if that means that, as mikoto (オレ) alludes to earlier, normative 'mikoto' will vanish and only his 'other personality' will remain).

ultimately however, it's interesting to note that despite the fact that es is ultimately uncertain on any strong conclusion on if mikoto's account of events means mikoto should be forgiven (as this judgement is the audience's job), they are never seen to question — nor does Milgram encourage the audience to question — mikoto's binary, his claims that he was possessed by his other selves and unable to control himself, or his claims that his other selves are 'not him'.

this manner of approaching his crime — seeing him as a person who, somehow, operates fundamentally differently to others due to his diagnostic label — echoes the sentiment kotoko proposes when giving him the DID diagnosis in Trial 1. es even reiterates it, almost verbatim. however this time, because mikoto has been able to adapt to his circumstances, he has been able to use the Neoplasm interrogation to take control of, play up to, and reinforce the models applied to him as a prisoner and person labelled with DID to guide the audience's discourse around his crime, in his favour this time.

by echoing es' own language and using their preconceptions against them — calling himself 'john' for the first time when concluding his pitch and strategy for forgiveness — mikoto aligns himself with es' stigmas and belief that mikoto (オレ) is a distinct entity from mikoto that must (and can) be defined, and twists this to guide es' approach to judging, reinforcing the illusion that mikoto's acts were not perpetrated by himself.

mikoto (オレ) also calls back to his original plea to hurry the forgiven vote, begging es to forgive him so he can preserve his vulnerable normative 'mikoto' identity construct and save himself from having to challenge the illusion of his normative reality any further; mikoto wants to forget all this, go back to normal, and escape consequences for his actions, in a fight for his own self-preservation and due to his need to return to and function to act as part of society, where his societal- and self-worth lies.

i find it very compelling that mikoto's ultimate argument is to promise that if he is forgiven ore (オレ) will 'disappear', since i find that this argument echoes and manipulates how the insanity defense is constructed in certain parts of the world; he makes it out that he was not in control of himself and therefore cannot (or at least, should not) be held legally responsible or punished for his acts, but also that he does not have to be removed from society for being unable to be held responsible, because the mental illness that perpetrated those acts has been identified and is going to vanish imminently.

(this is another way mikoto's binary is practically and psychologically useful. by framing himself as only having two personalities, he makes it seem that by 'disappearing' his scapegoat part, mikoto will only have one personality left, making him be 'normal' again, not only no longer associated with a crime or poor behaviour, but also longer be mentally ill at all. this helps when it comes to the verdict — i'm sure some insane people saw ore (オレ) disappearing through magical lobotomy as a good thing and as his disorder and disruptive behaviour being 'cured' — and also helps mikoto cope with his selfhood, dissociating himself from all of this, labelling it as more-or-less outside forces that do not have to disrupt his sense of self.)

ultimately, mikoto, functionally, promises that from now on, he will always be in control like anyone else, and that he will now be normal, functional, and socially acceptable, like he 'always has been', and always strives to be, unwilling to acknowledge the extent of his self beyond his normative identity constructs, nor the damage that his intolerance towards himself has had on his mental health. based in his well-established dissociative coping mechanisms that have kicked into overdrive thanks to the stress and social pressures of Milgram, mikoto becomes increasingly desperate to entirely cut himself off from and dissociate from everything he cannot tolerate about his acts and that he hates about himself, and by conforming himsef to labels and statuses coercively applied to him, gauging the expectations of authority figures, and taking advantage of his social position to gain benefits, mikoto makes attempts to secure his safety to do so, successfully discouraging the warden and audience from interrogating and blaming 'him', and instead directing the heat and blame to an 'other', protecting himself from having to challenge his maladaptive, narrow sense of self, or bear the burden of responsibility for his crime that he cannot bear confronting.

conclusion / tl;dr:

mikoto is a highly adaptable, socially conscious character, who comes from a culture that values functioning, social cohesion, and conformity. due to how he has developed in his environment, mikoto finds himself prone to repressing and disowning parts of himself, including his anger, his socially unacceptable acts, his overwhelming internalised shame, the fact that he struggles with his mental health, and the fact that, under the pressure of his life and expectations, he commit mass murder, amongst other things. this leads him to display dissociative tendencies, such as feeling like he is 'not himself' at times, or that his acts were not perpetrated by 'him'.

upon being taken to Milgram, his illusory normative 'reality' that is phobic of all intolerable acts and parts of himself is challenged violently, and after being triggered very severely and voted unforgiven in the first trial, mikoto finds himself in a very vulnerable social and mental spot, and finds himself unable to maintain a sense for himself that he is normal and okay. this leads him to feel 'not like himself' a lot more often.

towards the end of the first trial, due to kotoko's suggested diagnosis in attempting to explain his strange behaviour, figures of authority around him (es and the audience) begin to apply the label and model of DID onto him. with this came the characters' and audience's stigmas, preconceptions, and preestablished narratives around DID, which, due to always reading the room and hearing the audience's voices, mikoto becomes attuned to, which influences his character development, self-image, and way in which he begins to understand and frame his crime to himself and others.

mikoto, as a socially vulnerable person with a weak sense of self, begins to introject narratives around himself, his suffering from mental illness, and his having DID, which impacts how he engages with the other prisoners (mainly by self-isolating and assuming they will be or should be scared of him), and relates to himself (wherein he begins to internalise a belief that he has other, uncontrollable selves that are dangerous and wrong, and shames and abuses them for being that way).

mikoto also, having internalised this, acts according to this way of understanding himself during his Neoplasm interrogation, and performs himself according to conventional understandings of overt personality switches to distinguish his 'other' selves from his normative, and uses his high social consciousness, responsiveness, and expectations es demonstrates according to their understanding of how he, as a 'person with DID', functions, to get them on board with the assertion that 'mikoto' should not be held culpable for his crimes, securing for himself a forgiven verdict in the attempt to protect his ego and allow himself to return to a normative reality in which he can feel like 'himself', and no longer have his selfhood attacked.

this strategy has the added benefit of reinforcing to mikoto his own desirable belief that the him that feels like 'himself' is truly innocent and unobjectionable, and that everything intolerable he has done and is that he been forced to face is 'not actually him', and will imminently vanish from his life, reassuring him that he may have a chance to escape Milgram physically and relatively psychologically unscathed, to continue self-destructing in repression and overwork, in peace.

in this way, mikoto's DID label, although abusively established and used to dehumanise him, becomes a valuable tool for getting himself out of a murder charge that he would otherwise not be able to bear confronting, or make a compelling argument to excuse himself for. by conforming to rudimentary understandings of DID and manners in which people with DID have been dehumanised, mikoto is able to present and see himself as a binary of selves, which becomes vital not only for protecting himself psychologically, but for convincing others that his psychological and coercively-applied-to-him binary is practical and 'real', allowing him to physically escape punishment and consequences for his acts, and assure himself and others that his other 'self' that he hates and blames for all his flaws and humanity, can be separated from him and 'vanished' for good.

epilogue / reflection

ooohhh my god. real ones know how much this essay made me want to die. i seriously didn't expect it to be so long i promise. i don't know what happened. it regularly brought me into fits of despair. but it's done. i'm glad i wrote it but i'm also so glad it's over.

i'm never writing on this dipshit again. sayonara you weeaboo shits.

(^ this is a joke. but i don't think i have anything else to say about him at the moment! i think this and my other essays really might be the vast majority of my views on his presentation. i'll probably have more to say come T3 but, for now, shrug.)

as always, please let me know if any of this is incomprehensible (whether thats grammar, my word choice, or my trains of logic). i am very happy to clarify and reword bits, it is important to me that my essays can be understood by anybody!

and, congratulations for finishing, you have read very almost 10k of non-stop mikoto analysis. go drink some water and take an eye break. please. for me. thank you!