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ctheathy · 2 years ago

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A Once Innocent Act of Tenderness

Yandere Secret History Tails x Reader

I like how this is labelled as a yandere fic even though he’d totally behave like this in canon-

Yandere Oneshot ,, Word count : ≈ 5570

Author’s note : Good day, my darlings!! My apologies for disappearing two months at a time, burnout has been getting to me; though I’ll try my best being as active as I possibly can.

Decided to finish the xReader story of this sicko cause he’s been keeping me on my feet lately- I do just so happen to have more drafts of him in my notes, so hope I’ll be able to feed my fellow simps a little with these. =}

Quick note that these events do in fact take place before the There’s Something About Amy occurrences as a whole.

Reader could be implied having a light crush [Yet being in severe denial about it] on Tails , though this could instead easily just be summed up by being a naturally welcoming & sweet person in general.

SH Tails/Reader

Potential ⚠️TWs⚠️ :

Brainwash + Undone brainwashing [On Tails’ part] • Obsessive + possessive thoughts // behaviour • General toxicity • Forced Relationship • Co-dependency • Kidnapping • Murder • Slight detail of gore // blood • Major character death • Tails has beef with Sonic now • Tails was kind of a d1ck to you in the beginning

____________________________________________

It was sure as hell safe to say that Sonic has never exactly been- appreciative of the sudden change of plans and ideas the Sega company had always so carelessly thrown onto his back. Quite much like it was expected to be made out of steel or something. It has definitely irked him how somebody else’s decisions, mainly being out of greediness too, ended up as particularly his responsibility. He never wanted to deal with any of this, and he certainly couldn’t get used to some dumb partner whose headspace seemed to be on that of another planet for most of the time--Actually, scratch that;

In all honesty speaking, the amber furred fox had seemed to be far from lucid. He sure as hell hadn’t planned to pay much attention to the two-tailed mobian hovering around him all the time, but how could he not? Despite the obscure aura the newbie held around him, how much he had already seemed to be somewhat out of it from the very start, the whispered rants on constant repeat that almost seemed on the verge of literal insanity about a particular blue hedgehog weren’t missed by anyone who just so happened to be around.

He was creepy to a severe extend in Sonic’s opinion. He already hadn’t liked the idea of this new partner, but actually upon meeting this new sidekick of his and having taken a good look torwards his clearly off behaviour never helped in the slightest. He had been attached to his hip on the second of their meeting- an-and for what???

So yeah... it had become quite the obvious fact he began to feel pretty uncomfortable to be around this new acquaintance Sega had technically forced him to be around. He hated the guy. But this unfortunately hadn’t exactly made it easier for either of them, as he tried his damnedest to make the fox very much aware of that fact.

“That’s a bit exaggerating, wouldn’t you say?” You responded bluntly, to which Sonic let out a groan of annoyance. Looking past it, you simply continued with whatever you had been doing throughout the whole conflict already, still refusing to batch an eye in the matter whatsoever.

You found it absurdly childish how he had once again gone into a hatred filled rant about this new teammate, totally profiling the guy and criticizing him for the seemingly smallest off-putting actions and mannerisms. Torwards nobody but you for that matter. Gosh, he could have gone to anybody else to whine about this, but of course. Of course Sonic had just felt the need to select the one person who had particularly been known for disliking the unnecessary judgement torwards the new said company.

He had already been ill-treated enough in your opinion. Nasty stares were oftentimes being given to the poor fox due to the blue hedgehog’s complaints, and the unpleasant rumours that have been spreading around certainly didn’t help with his image. It had gotten to the point you might have even gone out of your way to stand up to those who were gossiping behind his back. Often even managing to get in a scold or two on how it was absolutely unfair and not to mention, very unnecessary so to treat him as lowly as they did. You were aware of the fact that Sonic wanted nothing to do with this new designated partner of his. If anything, all of the mobians he hung around with had known, constant hate-filled rants managing to be wiggled its way into the conversation. But you also understood harassing him to no end wasn’t going to solve anything.

It’s not even like you had been specifically close with Tails either, though you had always really tried to be. Even now the little bit of hope you still had on befriending the fox hadn’t left, to which you made sure to truly try everything in your power in order to make things as welcoming and appreciative for him as you possibly could.

“Only cause it just so happens to be a side you’ve never experienced around him! Alright?? You don’t get it!!”

But no one is perfect, or so you thought. Sure, he could behave somewhat off-putting at times, and he surely was clingy, but for anyone who had been taught some basic manners, this really shouldn't determine on how good or bad someone should be treated.

“You rarely even know him yourself, Sonic. Much less the intend he might have with sucking up to you as much as he does. He likes and looks up to you, there’s nothing more to it!” You clenched your jaw, the last sentence having came out louder than you truthfully wanted it to.

Slowly but surely there was starting to grow tension between the two of you, but neither of you honestly wanted to truthfully admit to that.

“WELL!-yeah- guess I just don’t enjoy someone freakishly following me around to the point they might even walk in on me going to bed for the night. Surely you don’t seem like you would have an issue with that, would you now _____?”

But our tones ...

He rolled his eyes as your brows furrowed in response at the commentary. You felt quite embarrassed knowing your defensive behaviour quite literally screamed the obvious. Even if all you did was find their misjudging irrational, so far the rumour of you had been open and somewhat debatable among the group of heroes. And here you were; falsely ‘‘confirming” your feelings towards the fox and any assumptions the team may or may not have already had to begin with.

“E-excuse me-?? Inappropriate presumptions are not needed at a time like this!” Smug bastard... He was cornering you under simple assumptions that were created by nobody but himself for goodness sake, but thankfully you knew how to bite right back. “Never the matter. Clinginess absolutely does not affirm that he means harm! Maybe just consider it being somewhat troubled with expressing emotions properly--don’t even act like you have a speck of knowledge on how to indicate yourself without coming off as a complete jerk either.” You spat right back, indirectly insulting his cockiness and referring to the bumpy connections he’s always had with the rest of the team.

They were starting to get too loud for my liking.

He grumbled before opening his mouth once again. You had already taken the small guess that there wasn’t much positive awaiting to be heard, considering his frustrated expression alone. So you simply awaited for the worst.

“Why you-! Perhaps that wouldn’t have to be the case if that complete weirdo wasn’t constantly on my--”

Too ...

Loud ...

“Good evening!” You had cut him off, a now bubbly tone having wrapped its way around your words. It was rather funny to you how one single mobian was able to swift your sour mood within a matter of milliseconds, almost like you weren’t just on the verge of throwing the hedgehog into the atmosphere a minute ago. Despite the fact you were still facing Sonic’s way, you were able to make out the recognisable presence of another- of him with ease.

Deciding upon ignoring most of the muffled cursing coming from Sonic’s side, assuming it was either out of the irritation of being just interrupted and shut down like that, or the pure disappointment setting in after managing to get a singular glance at the new said occupancy; you turned around in your chair, your thoughts quickly being confirmed that it was in fact the amber fox friend who was still standing solid frozen in the doorway. “I’m really glad you were still able to make it today, Tails.”

You were sure your greeting hadn’t gone unnoticed upon seeing his ears twitch slightly at his name being called out, and you offered a somewhat quiet yet relieved laugh. Many had honestly just disregarded it, especially Sonic who had appreciated the peace and quiet for a while now for sure, but you? Of course you had taken an obvious realisation to the fox’s absence for the day. Especially as he’d normally be glued to Sonic’s back quest after quest, to the point Knuckles’ had to literally pry him off of him once. Hah ... atleast he was okay then-! You made sure to make a quick hand motion as hint to come over to both you and Sonic who were having a- eh- rather “heated’’ conversation just earlier, but he didn’t have to be informed on that.

He wobbled over in awkward motions before stopping right before where you sat. You cringed at hearing a fake gagging sound from behind, which you could only presume was a Sonic who likely just wanted to leave the room after the sudden and unexpected and... unwanted arrival.

Or perhaps not at all.

It may as well just been from the hints of your lovey-dovey attitude coming right out once again, knowing how he had always looked down upon any kind of romantic gestures with disgust--despite it having nothing to do with the position you were currently in.

You had honestly gotten so distracted by the sudden noise that you personally hadn’t noticed an eye twitch coming from a particular somebody in front of you. However, this still hadn’t caused the fox to cut off the blank stare he had given your own for a good minute or so. The long motionless eye contact making you somewhat fidgety as a nervous overwhelm got to you, but your sweet smile remained. It had almost felt like a staring contest, a challenge in order to prove something that was utterly unknown to you.

It had taken a little while for your eyes to slowly grow irritated by the dry state they started reaching by now, but much to your surprise; He gave in first, eyes slowly blinking vertically as you patiently waited for any opportunities for a next decision, yet at the same time fiddled with your choices in case it was you who had to make the next move in the delicate position. Yet before your parched throat was even able to get out another sentence, the contact got to an abrupt end in the most straightforward and rejecting way possible.

His head rotated before instantly turning to the other institute in the room, seemingly having dismissed your salute completely and briefly latching himself onto Sonic’s side once again

“...”

You finally managed to get in a blink or two, trying to process what the hell had just happened right on the spot. Your thoughts slowly getting to you before turning your head to where Sonic was visibly fighting the guy, pushing and yelling and just trying to get the fox off of him. Your eyelids drooped slightly, you felt sad in a way with the realisation setting in that the mobian still wanted nothing to do with you.

It surely hadn’t been the first time this happened either.

In fact, there had been many occurrences where he behaved the exact same torwards you in advance. Straight up ignoring your presence, making minor promises you knew he would not keep, rarely wanting to participate in conversations you offered and giving blunt responses who were kept as short as mobianly possible when he did end up answering you- Despite it being done in a strangely gentle manner; pushing you aside with his tails, shutting you up and changing the subject whenever you just wanted to talk about something, taking any given praise directed to himself and exchanging it to fit Sonic’s agenda and outrightly encourage his foolish ego ... It had literally been everything that supported the idea of him hating you with every last cell of his body.

And it hadn’t even ended there either. You swore you had even noticed him ditch the room directly after you greeted him as lovingly as you always did. It caught you off guard by how surprisingly cold he had always been torwards you in particular. Despite the constant reassuring and sweet demeanour you’ve always kept up when being in one another’s presence, he sure as hell didn't seem to be interested in the kindness you had always offered him in the slightest.

...Did he truly despise you so?

A few weeks or so have passed after that said event and for improvement--No, nothing major had changed in the slightest. If anything, things have seemed to get only worse for your case, as the foxes’ usual reserved demeanour torwards you had now seemingly turned into completely avoiding you at all costs.

It continued to set you into a somber state on a regular, perhaps even a daily basis, and the others were starting to take notice upon it. Even Sonic himself had given you a talk on how you should consider to give up on him and your one-sided adoration directed torwards the fox by now, how he’s given you enough hints on lack of interest and how it was going to emotionally drain you to a husk in the process. And although you truly did appreciate the concerns your friends gave for your wellbeing, you just weren’t one to give up that easily.

Speaking about Sonic; much to your appreciation, the constant trash talking had atleast gotten to a genuine stop--or better said, had toned down to a certain extent after your request got to him, even after a long while, which you could only assume was almost the millionth time you’ve mentioned it. But you made progress, which you were unimaginably grateful for. You remember Sonic’s particular aspect and ruder attitude torwards Tails used to set the fox off for literal days at a time, especially when this included in excluding him from activities Sonic took part in. And though this obviously never took a stop within Tails’ particular adoration with Sonic by any means, you’d usually be one to notice him being a whole lot more quiet for the continuation of the day. His statements had always been somewhat rough to say the least, but it genuinely upset you how much lack of empathy there managed to be in his words.

Much like Tails did to you.

Your positions were so eerily similar in your opinion. You both followed another around in hopes of preventing them in feeling either lonely or misunderstood. You’d go to insane levels in order to prove yourself to the other. You’re both likely one to come off as too clingy or doting. You refuse to leave their sides despite them having shoved the rejection in your face time after time. The adoration is just one sided. The one we both cherish deeply hates us.

...

Atleast.

That’s what you’re thinking, aren’t you?

But that would be far from the truth... Deep down, fromout the movian's perspective. Things were a whole lot different than you originally thought. You truly believe he detests you? Oh, no no. If anything, he likes you a little bit too much.

But he knew he shouldn’t be giving in now, he’s strictly not supposed to. It's always just been the duo of Sonic and Tails. It's all society’s ever known. It’s all he’s ever known. And yet here he was, having dozens of protests and a countless amount of conflict being made somewhere far in the back of his head, slowly growing somewhat desperate for the slightest bit of reassurance at all. Desperate for the true role of having a best friend. It was pathetic, really; walking after somebody who would never return the favour. He knew this and he used to enjoy doing the same thing to you at first, it gave him a sense of recognition and similarly. But now? It had stabbed him right in the back. He knew he shouldn’t have gotten as attached as he did, but he just couldn’t help himself, especially as you. just. wouldn’t. stop. No matter how much he tried pushing you away, you always came back after a little while, continuing to drown him in your doting, sickly sweetness--But something he did realise at this point was the longer Sonic wouldn’t fill up his desires, his cup of remaining patience would.

He used to despise how immensely doting you managed to be at times, despite the fact he’s always shared similar characteristics. Perhaps he was even worse so when looking at the circumstances, but for your case it had always just been assumed as a merely fake performance. An impostor. But if that was the case then-why? Why does the gentle smile you’ve always offered seem to be so authentic? Everybody else just immediately made him out to be as some ill freak, with some even fearing his mannerisms at a first glance. You were the only one who gave him a chance. How do you make yourself out to seem so real in your position? But the longer you kept up this said “act” of yours, he slowly started coming to the conclusion that you ... Weren’t acting at all. All your acts of kindness and generosity were genuine.

And it's only when that realisation truly sets in, that his dull heart began to fill with love for a different target, skipping a beat or two whenever these thoughts of you clouded his entire mind time after time, one much larger than anyone could have expected it to reach. But despite its major similarities to his adoration with Sonic, there remained a massive difference between the two, one that could cause his liking torwards you to easily surpass over that of his main devotion.

One that would only be the bare start of a sickening twist in your life, turning it upside down and shattering its meaning into pieces.

“Why are you acting so fearful, my darling?”

His high-pitched voice rang through the room, the walls making the sentence bounce and echo alongside the place; but those weren’t even all that needed for the words to be ringing inside your own head, looping the sentence like a record.

His mangled teeth gritted at the word of emotion in a way of confirming that he was, in fact, not all that amused by your timid and silent nature. You’ve never been scared or uneasy around him before, so what’s the deal with you now?

You were the only one who gave him a chance...

And look where that got you, restless and agonizingly sitting in the corner of the room on a stack of ripped blankets for your said ‘comfort’, but so far things have been anything BUT comfortable for you. Chains around your wrists and ankles that have been a little bit too tight for your liking while your legs had already given out due to the lack of movement it’s been getting for-- how long has it been? Days? Weeks? You have zero clue of how long he’s been so casually said “keeping you safe” down here in this hellhole.

“My sincere apologies about the chains, my sweet, sweet _____. But you wouldn’t stop resisting with trying to leave, I assure you understand my intentions..~”

No, you did not. You didn’t want anything to do with this anymore.

You noticed in the corner of your eye that he carefully reached out to you with his hand who was getting dangerously close to your face, to which you flinched away immediately. Your head hung down, eyes still shut closed as tightly as ever to just avoid the contact with him. The sudden need felt strange to you, especially as you used to be the one actively defending him and wanting to have some of his affections for yourself, but not after this. Not after seeing how much of a brutal force he’s truly capable of.

Not after your friend's complaints were right, seeing how twistedly unstable he actually is.

Your mind went blank, thinking back to what happened about a week ago...

The day had begun like every neutral one would have been; The team had been required for a quest, Sonic and Knuckles had argued for a short while like toddlers would, Amy needing to tear the two apart and scold them--and you? You mostly just stayed behind for the most part and watched the drama enfold from a distance, not particularly wanting to be involved in their daily squabbles and only wishing to help at a moment’s notice.

But there was something or well, someone who kept grabbing your full attention. The particular amber fox who’d usually and unsurprisingly follow the blue hedgehog around like a lost puppy, which had now also just fallen on deaf ears by quite literally everybody, but this time? He did not. You did not enjoy to admit such things, but he held a suspicious aura around him, one that you’ve never felt around the mobian you adored so much before. It wasn’t until Sonic suggested speeding ahead to get the request easier done with when the fox had seemingly gone back to his old self.

“I’LL GO WITH YOU, SONIC-!!” His raspy tone screeched out fromout the background. To which all your doubts and worries washed away, as you quickly just assumed it as you being paranoid from the more disturbing rumours and information that’s been gathering back to you. Sonic, despite clearly feeling discomforted and somewhat irritated by the proposition, quickly shifted his attention onto you, unfortunately remembering the promise he’s strictly made and sighed. Defeated, he let the mobian catch up with the rest of them and made his way over to the wonky fox. “Just keep up.” he warned, to which Tails’ neck cracked when nodding. You had made your way back torwards the team who were discussing the rest of their plan by now, wanting to give a quick ‘goodluck’ to the two right before they left. Though before you could even say anything, Tails’ neck shifted back to you; making direct eye contact for a second or two before his blank expression turned into something else, something ... Dark ...

There was this spark of unsettling and threatening excitement in his eyes, making your uneasiness from before grow right back, almost shattering onto you like an asteroid would. And his way too wide grin certainly did not help in the slightest. He held up an object, making sure it was only viewable fromout your sight, only for your eyes to see. An object that that was so small that you could barely even make out what it was at first. An object could only be recognised as an explosive, a dangerous one for that matter.

Almost like he was determined to end Sonic’s...

It was clear he had noticed the disturbance in your expression, as he quickly left with Sonic right after that, leaving you behind speechless and dumbfounded. “H-hold on a second--!!” was all you managed to get out as the information finally clicked. Freaking out, you ran after the two before Knuckles could even call after you, wanting to question the sudden panic in your tone, but you were already gone.

This was no waiting matter, you knew taking your time could lead to terrible consequences.

In the meantime, Sonic had taken an abrupt stop in the run, having taken notice upon the foxes’ much slower speed. And he wasn’t even going as fast as he’d neutrally go. What was the deal here?? Was he doing this on purpose? Sonic could feel his frustrations returning in the back of his head when the two tailed mobian stopped in his tracks. That’s it, just standing there is as pointless as he’s gonna get. The hedgehog impatiently tapped his foot on the ground to let his restlessness very well known, yet the fox did not budge to the clearly irritated state his comrade was in. He stood there for a bit longer before finally speaking.

“there you are, our nemesis...” Tails murmured, his eyes twitching once again and offering a smile that felt all too much fake. Relaxed arms resting behind his back with-something awful awaiting to happen. The atmosphere of the fox was the most uncomfortable Sonic has felt with him ever since they've first met, which was saying a lot, even going out of his way to speed over to the mobian to confront him face to face. He easily cornered the two tailed fox into a tree, getting indescribably close and wanting answers on his now specifically uncanny behaviour. “Listen here, if all you came with me for was to act freaky then you might as well just-!!’’ tho his rant was quickly interrupted...

“SONIC!!!” The sound of your voice made Sonic's gaze switch up immediately, now looking in your direction to see you running as fast as you possibly could on those little legs of yours. You looked like your body was about to give out, likely from the speed you’ve ran along the distance. Your expression and body language screamed something that could only be recognised as extreme distress. And your sudden appearance just so happened to distract him on the exact wrong moment, not noticing how the mobian he cornered had quickly stuck something small onto his body, leaving him to a risk of massive danger.

All you could remember from that point was half-yelling through your panting that you had caught up with Tails seemingly having a dangerous object accessible on this very moment. But the fox had seemed shockingly neutral about the whole ‘getting caught’ situation and his said idol, his best friend now screaming terrible things into his face, but you had taken no hesitation in continuously trying to stop Sonic from doing so as something he had seemingly forgot or not cared about was the fact that the explosive was quite literally a ticking time bomb at the moment.

It wasn't until Sonic went after you for in his words ‘continuously defending that lunatic’ and accused you of being just as mad and psychotic yourself that Tails reacted; pouncing onto the hedgehog, screaming and clawing at him in a type of aggression you’ve never seen before, making Sonic himself screech in agony at the pain and just trying to push the now hysterical fox off of him, leaving you to rip him away from the hedgehog by the arms. To which the now physically harmed Sonic quickly distanced himself and let out a faint “you’re sick ...’’

Perfect.

What the fox, however, did not enjoy as much was the blurred sounds of your fearful scolding. “W-what has gotten into you?? Tails--you can’t do this-!” He had seemed to calm down from his hysteria for the most part, so you let go of him, not wanting to admit that it was truthfully out of the fright you had felt after that moment of unrestrained emotions being expressed in such a hostile manner. But after that, he did something you did not expect to happen, but you truly should have. “ahh~ but I can, my dear.” he took out a remote with one single button on there. You should have known. “In fact;” he slowly pushed it in with his thumb. You really should have.

“I am one step ahead of you.”

The explosion made your ears ring as you were now covered with thick blood and ...Remains... Nobody’s but Sonic’s for that matter. You couldn’t scream, you couldn’t gag, you couldn’t cry. You knew you should have been feeling absolutely devastated at this very moment, but your head wouldn’t let you. All you could do was stare at the fox--No... The culprit behind the distorted corpse who was now scattered in pieces all around the place. The trees, the flowers, the ground, him... You, everything was covered with the very blood and guts of somebody you once considered a good friend. Of the hero everybody loves dearly.

Your form was shaking like a leaf in the wind as the delinquent made his way over to you; reaching his hand out to remove some of the blood and chunks of flesh that covered your pretty face. Your eyes showed nothing but traumatism, not even knowing how to react when the other of his slender hands went over to your neck; feeling a stinging sensation for a very short period of time before starting to feel offly light headed and numb-ish. You swore you were seconds from losing your balance before you felt his two tails wrapping their ways around your body, steadying you and preventing the fall. “It will be over soon, my dear. This shall mean nothing to you. This will be nothing more than a rotten memory left to be forgotten... forever”

You felt your body being moved alongside the sentence without containing any physical control. Your head was spinning, even believing you still managed to hear Amy’s screams somewhere in the background. Your eyes were already struggling keeping themselves open properly, what the hell did he inject you with?? Nonono--You cannot lose consciousness now, who knows what he’ll do to you next?? The others they- they need to know what happened-! You tried to move your head torwards the noises in the distance who were slowly becoming more and more faint as time went on, to which Tails grabbed you rather roughly by the chin in response. Upon hearing you wince, his grip loosened up again, but still refused to let go whatsoever. “DON’T-!” and then

“All you need is me--O-okay dear? Please. Only look at me.” everything became blurry.

Lookatmelookatmelookatmelookatmelookatme

“LOOK AT ME!!!” you flinched yet again, but this time it was rather at how loud the outburst from your zoning out had been, as he was usually pretty quiet--or well. That’s what you used to believe anyway, but apparently there have been a lot of things you didn't know. You found yourself feeling abruptly stupid for feeling the way you did torwards him, and you hated it even more that despite your current fearfulness of his actions, the soft spot in your heart still hadn’t disappeared.

“You know, my dear.” he started, grinning while he noticeably grabbed your attention, as you looked up ever so slightly. “I used to associate our bond as being the true best friends that that absolute cretin of an imposter never desired to return, but ...” His smile widened once again, ripping at the skin as you mentally cringed slightly at the small yet seemingly painful move. “I could not believe how utterly incorrect you proved me to be. Being the best friends is NOT... ENOUGH...”

“What’s it called, what’s it called ...?” He quietly mumbled as he put his finger up to his own chin in question. “Ah, that’s right. LOVE-!!”

He laid his fingers on the bottom of your chin, lifting your head up to get a good look at you and your facial features, despite that your expression had clearly screamed that it had hoped for the reverse of outcomes, having trouble even maintaining eye contact with the foxes’ twisted ones. But what unrighteously came out of his mouth next couldn’t help but leave your eyes widened in pure shock.

“You’re a saint”

But instead of flattery, you ripped your head from his hands, hanging it down once again with a saddening look plastered on your face, declaring that you weren’t exactly happy with the situation at all. You didn’t want to hear any more, he is clearly a delusional being and you sure as hell did not want any of it to rub off on you.

“Oh, _____...~”

Just ignore him, he’ll have to be quiet eventually. But knowing damn well you were listening, he continued on with his rant. It having come out more like a warning than anything else.

“They cannot love you. And you can’t love anybody else. You got that?” you just kept your head down. What do you even respond to that? And even so, there surely wasn’t a chance you’d agree to a suggestion like that, much less keep a promise about it. It’s not even like you could even control who you gain a soft spot for. Who does he think he is?? He was the one doing nothing but literally pushing you away for months at a time-! That hypocritical---

“YOU LOVE ME-!!” he laughed out, startling you as he pushed you against the back wall of the room, letting out breathy chuckles that could only be written off as absolutely deranged.

“You're mine- only mine. You understand that? My precious... My beloved. My sweet angel--Mine. Mine. MinemineMINEMINE-!”

“Tai---” You pleaded, just wishing to try and get him to reconsider his choices, how this behaviour was not okay and far from healthy. But before you even got the chance, he forcefully connected his lips with your own in a possessive manner, the sharp edges of his crooked teeth hurting you slightly in the process, but honestly? You were too stunned to even notice properly, the act making you feel like you were having a heart attack, your heart pounding at a rabid pace as you felt embarrassingly flustered in a way...

His hands caressed your arms and his nails dug slightly into them, though not necessarily in a way that it could potentially harm you. He pulled back and gave you a surprisingly... "gentle" smile. His cheeks having a reddish tint and his eyes going all sparkly on you, almost making you forget for a good ten seconds that he literally kidnapped you. In some way... some twisted and sickening way, the gaze he gave you was somewhat cute--NO- no ... Quiet yourself, these were clearly just your previous thoughts from all those weeks ago talking. The ones you held before he decided to go out and end Sonic’s life out of his spiteful sense of ‘protection’ for the relationship between the two of you. You got the attention from him that you wanted, yet feel absolutely miserable.

Making you wonder ...was it all truly worth it?

#secret history tails #yandere secret history tails #secret history tails x reader #yandere tails x reader #sh tails #mashed tails #yandere sonic the hedgehog #sonic x reader #lemme bless yall with my yearly posts

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snows-labcoat · 5 years ago

Text

Love Like You -Ch. 2

Summary: The moments Caitlin/Killer Frost reflected on in the original, more in depth. (spin-off of part 1) Cisco’s phone call, retold as you two lay together in bed.

Pairing: Caitlin Snow/KF x f!reader (platonic Cisco x reader, platonic killervibe)

Read: chapter one

My phone began to ring, about a month after I left. You know who it was? Yeah. It was Cisco. Do you... know what he called to tell me? When I heard that I was causing you that much pain, I almost immediately came back to Star Labs. No-- It wasn’t that I didn’t love you enough. Please, don’t think of it like that. I love you more than anything I ever have in my whole life. I just-- I’m not good at relationship stuff. Not since Ronnie, you know that. Please be patient with me.

“Cisco?”

“She’s crying.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s crying, Cait. On the floor of the speed lab.”

“...I’m sorry--”

“No, Caitlin. You shouldn’t be apologizing to me. Have you really not figured it out yet?”

I didn’t know how to respond. My heart physically ached at the idea that I hurt you. No no, you don’t have to apologize, I should’ve realized it sooner.

“I’m cryokinetic. Not a mind reader.”

“Caitlin-- she’s in love with you.”

When he told me that, there were so many things I wanted to say-- to do. Please believe me when I tell you that I wanted nothing more, than to hold you like you held me. I was terrified of hurting you. You have been my safe place ever since we met and I didn’t believe I could be the same. I had already hurt so many people, and the idea that I could hurt you— I was barely able to live with it.

...Knowing I did hurt you— I couldn’t live with it. Hey, please don’t cry. I’m okay now. Don’t blame yourself. The ordeal with Killer Frost brought me to a really dark place, and I pushed you away. I pushed the one person who accepted every aspect of me out of my life. That is my fault.

I never thought I’d end up with you by my side again. I was afraid that you’d hate me. ...I know, I know— dumb of me to think you could ever hate me, but I only had Cisco’s words to go by.

I guess you’re right. You showed me time and time again how altruistic and loving you are. Sometimes I get so focused on these little details that I forget to see what the big picture is and how they all fit together. Or if they even fit together at all.

“Wait— She...”

“Yes. She has been since the day she wound up in Star Labs. She believes in you so much. Have you ever noticed the way she talks to you? How she supports you? She loves you. We all believe you love her too— but are you gonna throw something good away?”

“Cisco— it’s not that easy. I need to put myself first sometimes.”

So yeah— I was a little upset at first. I knew it wasn’t you necessarily saying that I was being selfish. I know you understood that I needed this. You just— felt heartbroken. Our relationship was always more than just platonic. Even if we never acknowledged it back then. Cisco was just trying to be a good friend. I know he wanted me back too, and of course you were the way to bring me back. It just wasn’t time yet.

“This isn’t the first time, you know?” He spoke up after what felt like hours of silence.

“The first time...?”

“The first time she’s cried. She thinks we don’t hear her late at night. Since she’s had to stay in the lounge since she’s gotten here whenever she wasn’t sleeping at your place. I can access security feed from wherever.”

“So you spied on her?”

“No. I never actively chose to watch. But I got a security alert one night. She unlocked and went into your med lab. I was curious. But all she did was just cry. She cried and cried. I had to breach over there because her meta abilities were acting up. Her body was freezing. Then it was burning up. I lacked the abilities to control her thermal temperature. Barry had to come hold her while vibrating his body at the right speed to get her body back to normal.”

No, you were completely justified in your upset. It wasn’t just that I had taken a break from team flash. I shut you out. I had threatened your life, I know you say it wasn’t me. But it feels like nobody ever held me accountable. Even if I believed that, everyone forgot that Caitlin Snow could hurt people too.

I hurt you. And we have to acknowledge all of this if we ever hope to move forward. Because no matter how understanding and loving you are, whether or not you realize it— the emotional damage that I caused every time you confronted Killer Frost— that will always change our dynamic.

“She doesn’t want anybody else, Caitlin. After that night, I would check up on the monitors every once in a while. Most of the time, she was busy writing in a journal. After a particularly rough night for her, she called me. She begged me to vibe where you were but I couldn’t. The only thing I could do was listen to her”

“You know what she said to me while Killer Frost worked with Savitar, Cait?” He spoke after a lack of verbal response. All he heard was the intake of breath.

“Before you regained control, time and time again where some believed you were lost to us forever, she would fall to her knees and beg. She’d beg, Caitlin. I can’t remember a time when her eyes weren’t red and puffy from the countless times she spent crying over you, even before you went on this break.”

“What did she say?” Caitlin’s voice came out soft. It came out worried.

“She begged us to give you chance after chance. Because every time she confronted you, you let her go. Every time she spoke from her heart, she saw your eyes flash in and out. She was there to see that you were not lost to Killer Frost yet. She believes in you, Cait. Don’t lose the best person for you.”

Cisco continued to tell me about the things you’d do, he told me about the time you had such a bad episode of sleep paralysis that it gave you an anxiety attack. He told me how the only way to get you to calm down was trick you into thinking I was talking to you, because I was god knows where doing god knows what.

He told me how somebody asked you on a date, and you couldn’t bring yourself to go because she —and I quote “isn’t Caitlin.”

He said you shut the team out, that it all started when killer frost took over and started to work with Savitar. You stopped talking unless it was work related. You rarely smiled, even with Cisco trying to joke with you. You became me when Ronnie died.

I don’t want that for you. You deserve so much happiness. I find it hard to believe that I ever provided that much for you, but still. I never want to let you go, ever again. I know 6 months was a really long time, and I should’ve come back sooner. But I am back, a better person. In control. This chance to rediscover myself and figure things out is what I needed. I know you understand that. But I also know it’s not that easy to act like it didn’t still hurt. I don’t expect you to.

You know... I used to listen to your voice. Even when I left. Because you insisted on sending me voice messages instead of a normal text. I would lay in bed and I could hear you singing to me, with the song you played for me on piano for the very first time.

I think about the times you were my shoulder to cry on, how easy it was— how easy it still is; to be vulnerable with you. Nobody has ever made me feel more at home. You bring out the best in me,, and I don’t want you to ever feel like I’m taking advantage of your heart. I want to return just as much as you give, if you’ll let me.

Don’t be silly— I’m in love with you. Not just with what you do for me. Our lives right now— is like being in a constant hurricane in the middle of the ocean. Sometimes we get pushed under and are oblivious to what’s happening above. Everything feels peaceful. Eventually though, reality hits. We are not normal people, and I know that. But being with you— it’s fresh, undiluted, and pure. The kind of love where just brushing hands makes you blush. I’m not willing to lose that, and I can’t believe I almost did. You make me feel like we could just watch the waves, rather than be trapped in them. I know I’m not always good with words— but you are. I admire you for so much.

—I found myself dreaming of you. A lot.

Sometimes just a part of you. Your hands. How they’d play the piano for me, the way they’d play with my hair and rub my back while I cried. How they’d hold mine when I got too cold.

I missed that. I was always so concerned that if you got too close, I’d freeze you. You never seemed to care, though.

You seemed so content to freeze to death as long as I was next to you. Does that still ring true?

Of course it does— because you are extraordinary. You’ve always loved in such a way that’s ineffable. Insurmountable.

We just need a little patience. I’m sounding like I’m done growing, but that’s far from the truth. For now though, can we just hold each other like we used to? I would think about the nights you would sleep over. How you would sing me to sleep. The times you would help me organize and clean my lab. Love is a science. I should’ve realized that sooner. In science, we don’t keep secrets. I know you disagree with that statement but it’s the easiest way for me to understand feelings. I don’t want to treat us like a science fair project, that’s not what my goal is. I just— I can’t lose you again.

“Is she okay”

“How do you want me to answer that?”

“You’re calling again, the third time this week. None of the other two calls have been to just check up on how good ole’ Caitlin Snow is doing”

“The truth is, Caitlin— she’s hurting. She has been since Savitar. I don’t know how many times I can keep calling Barry to hold her so her thermal abilities don’t cause her to overheat or freeze herself.”

“Does she still have my sweater?”

“The star labs one? Yes. She never really wears it, you know?”

“What?”

“She just holds it close. When she’s sleeping, or just sitting in the cortex with us, her arms are always cradling it close. She seems to just, lean into it.”

He sent me a video clip from the security feed of you crying. It was 3 am, and your face was buried in that sweater. He said you stopped playing Pokémon with him. You threw yourself into work, just like I did. I’m glad Cisco was there for you, though.

You always put on this facade, during the day. Cisco says everyone could see right through it. That didn’t bother you, though. You kept on working, only letting it out when you thought everyone had gone home for the night.

Please, understand that I never meant to put you through so much.

“I’m coming back, Cisco”

You brought me back. You keep me grounded.

I’ll try my best to take away the pain, please just kiss me like we’ve always wanted. Make me forget. Rational decisions and science out the window, I just want to feel your hands holding me again. I want to love like you.

#caitlin snow #caitlin snow x reader #cisco ramon #the flash #my stuff #barry allen #killer frost #vibe #killervibe #cisco ramon x reader #killer frost x reader #caitlin snow/killer frost x reader #caitlin snow/killer frost

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wftc141 · 5 years ago

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Voltron: Global Military Intelligence and Counter-Terrorism Unit-Chapter 6: And One Step Back

Minutes have passed and yet no response has been emitted from the team. Coran couldn't care less about the poor reception from the drones. Plenty of drones have had screwed them over for the past few years. He only cared about the status of Allura and her unit. The silence was starting to send doubt and concern through his mind. Gold stared at the laptop, tensed up, with Colbert sitting next to him staring at the screen as well.

"I don't like this, sir," he said. "Should we send a QRF?"

"No," Coran replied. "I have my concerns as well but it's best we give them some time."

"But we're not getting a bloody thing. No feed, no communication, nothing. How're we supposed to know if they're even standing?"

"Have some faith, Jem," Colbert assured. "If these guys are from Voltron, then they definitely know how to get back up."

Allura's eyes opened not without sacrificing her perfectly fine eyelids. It was hard for her to come to her senses with that loud ringing noise blaring in her ears, muting everything else outside. As Allura tried to pull herself up, the burning blisters and the stinging wounds pulled her down. She let out a tight groan, slipping back to the ground. Allura was unable to get back up without having to damage a wound. Down at a distance, she noticed her rifle intact but coated by flakes of sand. Lifting her forearm forward, she crawled her way towards her rifle.

Allura couldn't see anything through the cloudy smoke surrounding the area but she could hear faint sounds of gunshots echoing and bullets zipping back and forth. Her ears began to come to their senses, disorienting her in the process. She couldn't move. The noises were holding her down like a chain locked to her ankle. As Allura covered herself while panting uncontrollably hard, she heard someone or something call out her name.

She slightly raised her hands off her head and slowly looked up. A small shadow began to emerge from the smoke and shortly, a figure ran through the puffs. She watched as a large tall figure in a black shirt and a plate frame carrier approached her, slowly revealing a scar across his face.

"Allura! Allura! You okay?" Shiro shouted.

Just as her partner arrived, she was able to hear everything, despite the setbacks from the explosion. She nodded, unable to speak with her dry, chapped mouth. Through the roaring gunshots, Shiro gave her a bit of motivation to get up and moved away to provide covering fire. Once she overcame the pain and stood on her feet, Allura held onto Shiro's shoulder who had just went up to her to help her up. She looked around, bullets shooting past clouds and no sign of their attackers. They were sitting ducks at this point.

"We gotta go! Follow me!"

Shiro stepped out of Allura's way and they both ran together, heading towards another part of the village as bullets clamber after them. If they could pull this off without dying, it would be a well deserved favor.

Ever since the explosion set off from the village, Keith was pacing around, getting riled up and worried at the same time. Lance was keeping his cool as usual while setting his sights on the village with his scope. For the last few seconds, Keith had been muttering 'shit' for about a hundred times it was starting to annoy Lance.

"Hey, mind keeping your shit together, amigo?" He demanded. "We're gonna find them. I'm sure your girlfriend is still alive."

"She's not my girlfriend, asshole!" Keith snapped.

"Just saying."

As Lance continued searching for a sight of the team, he heard a faint sound of engine rumbling from below. He looked down and noticed a white Toyota Hilux with a black flag on the side mirrors pull up near the building. The doors opened and two Jihadists armed with rifles came out, uttering orders in Arabic. From what he's seen, these terrorists are unaware of their presence. Lance opened fire at them without giving them any chance to fight back. He managed to shoot one of them dead between the eyes with one bullet. The other scrambled behind the Hilux as the bullets penetrated the hood.

Keith heard the shots and needed no explanation on why Lance was shooting. They both made their way out of the building and approached the still running Hilux. The last jihadist popped out of cover and aimed his rifle, only to be put down by Keith with a bullet to the face.

The duo moved past the truck and made their way down to the rocky road fast. They arrived at the gate where two more jihadists stood near a white Land Cruiser. Just as one of them with a pistol noticed the duo approaching them with ease, he was instantly taken out in surprise by Lance. The jihadist with a shotgun heard the gunshot and raised his weapon towards them with absolute determination. Keith shot him in the leg, causing the jihadist to land on one of his knees before a bullet went through his head. The blood splattered onto the SUV's windows as the body slid against the door.

"Guess these assholes are too busy on the rest of the team." Lance said.

As Lance approached the broken gate, Keith distanced himself away from Lance and went up to one of the dead jihadists. He began to pat his pockets for something. Lance noticed him crouched near the body and rolled his eyes.

"Keith, of all the time we have, you seriously choose to-"

Before he could speak any further, he saw a walkie talkie pulled out of the body's pockets. Keith held it close to his mouth and cleared his throat.

"أيها الإخوة ، لقد قتلنا اثنين من الكفار من الجنوب. أين البقية؟ (Brothers, we've killed two infidels from the south. Where are the rest?)"

Lance was a bit baffled at the way he spoke in a different language but he was still skeptical of whatever plan he had. Suddenly, an Arabic voice replied through static before cutting the feed. Keith wasn't really happy with the news and swore under his breath.

"They found two more of our own up ahead." Keith told him.

"Didn't know you speak Arabic, dude." Lance said.

"Yeah, and I'll tell you what I know once we find our team. Alive."

Keith attached the radio to his vest as the duo made their way past the gate and into the village of echoing gunshots and blanched smoke.

Pidge never liked calling anybody names but when she tried to grab Hunk who was knocked back by the explosion, she couldn't help but admit he had to lose a bit of weight. Her rifle ended up getting lost amidst the explosion.

"You're fucking heavy, you know that?" Pidge croaked as she pulled him up.

"Well, don't mind me. It's part of the tradition." Hunk sarcastically replied.

Pidge wanted to chuckle but her throat was too scalded to talk. Doesn't really help much when they're being tailed by radical jihadists who were catching up to them. They opened fire at them with Pidge using her pistol, although they both shot blankly thanks to the effects of being hit by a bomb. At this point, the duo decided to ditch their plans and run. As they reached down the hill, Hunk was trying to contact through his radio.

"Yellow Lion to Zero, do you read me? Over!" He panted.

Other than mind controlling static, there was nothing from them.

"Don't waste your time on it, Hunk," Pidge told him. "Those assholes must've hammered our signals."

Hunk hesitated for a moment before letting his hand off the earpiece. "Shit."

As the two continued their way down the hill, they hear footsteps close in from a distance. A group of armed jihadists with one wearing a balaclava and carrying a MAS-49, appeared from the corner of a house. Just as they saw the duo, the jihadists pointed their rifles at them. They were both considering to fight back but the chances of surviving are slim and besides, only an imbecile would be dumb enough to open fire at a group with automatic rifles while being the only two alive.

The pursuing jihadists caught up to them from behind, rendering them both outnumbered. They were all closing in, barking and bellowing while shaking their rifles at them. The duo tossed their weapons aside and raised their hands. Just as they did so, Hunk heard a whack and Pidge's body suddenly slumped to the ground. He spun around and saw one of the jihadist holding the rifle with the butt stock at the front. Before Hunk could act, the jihadist aimed his rifle where the muzzle faced directly to his nose. It was enough to freeze Hunk on the spot. As the rest of the group lifted Pidge's body up, Hunk was held with his hands behind his back and taken along with the jihadists.

Once they were certain they were in the clear, Shiro and Allura ran up to a large slab of cemented wall, with portions of it missing like it was bit off. Looked as if the terrorists blew up some of the houses. They were both desperate for a breather, they could feel their chest tightening even harder. So far, the pursuing attackers haven't caught up to them but it was only a matter of time before the duo can hold them off.

"What's your ammo count?" She asked as she checked her pistol's magazine.

Shiro checked his pouches which was empty. "Down on my last mag. You?"

"I'm on my sidearm now."

Allura looked around. Practically everywhere was a bad opening. None of the walls could provide cover since they all look like they were blown up.

"We're in a bad spot, we gotta get outta this shithole now." She said, wiping her smudged face with her exposed forearm.

"Yeah but we have no idea where the others are and the comms are down."

He had a point. They were on the verge of being screwed to a whole a new level. After a moment of silence, Shiro started chuckling. Allura looked at him in confusion.

"What the hell's so funny?"

"Still remember that one time you and me were in a situation as tight as this?" Shiro asked.

Allura paused for a moment before answering. "That was in Prague and the comms were perfectly fine."

"But we survived anyway. Those guys were well trained back then. If we can take those guys down, then we can do the same to them."

"That's bollocks and you know it."

Shortly, they heard footsteps closing in as well as chatter. It was for sure not their team since they don't speak Arabic. Shiro gave Allura a nod while holding his rifle tightly. She nodded back and retracted the slide of her pistol. Her eyes communicated with his. It was now or never. Just as they were about to pop out of cover, they heard a thump and sudden shouts from the pursuers. The voices ranged from shock and desperation and then sharp and abrupt silence. The thumps increased into a style of a drum beat. Shortly, everything went quiet and faint footsteps closed in. Shiro peered from the wall and squinted his eyes. In a distance, Keith and Lance approached them, going through the bodies of the pursuing jihadists.

Keith was the first to reach the commander. "Commander! Are you alright? Where's Major?"

"She's here," Shiro assured, just as Allura appeared from the wall. "How'd you find us?"

"We saw the explosion from the distance and we had to find you two."

"Well, we're thankful for that." Allura nodded.

"Indeed we are." Shiro said.

Keith nodded in acknowledgment. His face changed into concern as he looked around, finding something making. There was six people in total and currently there's four of them.

"Where's the others?"

"We were separated when that IED went off on us." Allura answered.

"This would be the better time to start looking for them," Said Shiro. "And if we can, find if any of the terrorists know the whereabouts of Haxus."

Without any more hesitations, the remainder of the team moved out and searched for the rest of the team. They made their way around the village where there was no sign of anyone, not even Haxus. The team headed towards the side of the village where they saw an exit from a distance. However, in front of the gates were two white Highlander's parked and the remaining group of jihadists moving Pidge and Hunk to the cars. Shiro opened fire at them first, managing to shoot one of the jihadists down and taking the rest by surprise. The jihadists took cover behind a line of crates conveniently placed in front of the cars and returned fire, prompting the team to take cover behind abandoned cars separately. One of them pushed Hunk down under the vehicles.

"الحصول على هؤلاء السجناء في الشاحنة! (Get these prisoners in the truck!)" Shiro heard one of the jihadists ordered.

The jihadists continued to rain fire at them, buying some time for two other masked jihadists to carry Pidge. Lance positioned his rifle on the boot of the car and fired automatic bursts for their heads. The two jihadists dropped to the ground like clockwork, loosening their grip on Pidge. Just before Lance could aim for the other four jihadists, the bullets ricocheted against the boot, causing him to duck under. Their firepower wasn't enough to take on the remaining fighters packed with heavy armory.

As the two jihadists dealt with the team, the other two forced Hunk into the Highlander and hopped in without skipping a beat. Keith heard the engine rumble, giving him a sudden motivation to look up to notice the car about to drive off. Despite being under heavy fire, Keith moved away from the car, clipping off a flash bang grenade from his vest. Shiro, who was beside him, tried to reach for him.

"Keith, don't!"

He slipped away from Shiro's hands and threw a flashbang at them. The explosion flashed heavily, blinding the jihadists. Keith shot them down and tried to shoot down the car. He only managed to graze the headlights and the car began to grow smaller until it was nowhere to be seen.

"Fuck!" Keith cursed, forcefully yanking the rifle down.

The rest of them watched in disbelief, including Lance. Hunk was taken away and it was Allura's only responsibility to make sure none of them were hurt. It was all tearing down into the drain.

Keith turned around and approached Pidge's unconscious body lying near the dead jihadists. Shiro crouched by her side while Lance and Allura kept watch. Keith called her name first before shaking her by the shoulders. Once Pidge finally opened her eyes, she instantly squirmed and wrestled her grip off Keith.

"Get off me! Get off me!"

"Easy! Easy, Kate! It's us!" He assured.

Pidge eventually realized and started to relax. Her chest heaved rapidly as she panted.

"It's alright. You're fine." Keith told her.

She didn't pay attention to what he said. Pidge's was too busy looking around the area, noticing something missing. She looked at Keith who shared a glance of disbelief.

"Where's Hunk?"

Haxus, former army ranger turned Galra terrorist lieutenant looked down at his watch which was marked 19:52 hours, one hour over the suggested time.

"They're supposed to be here by now. What's taking them so long?" He murmured.

"Maybe they're a bit busy, sir?" His bodyguard, Bogh, standing next to him answered.

Haxus scoffed. "I wouldn't be surprised if it's actually the Voltron unit. Such amateurs."

Bogh didn't reply afterwards. He's probably one of the sane operatives he had met so far. Maybe Haxus should be surprised. Straight from the Special Forces Ranger Battalion, Bogh was one of his experienced teammates of his unit. The others weren't so steady but more radically influenced, especially the recently deployed Lahn from the Armenian Forces.

In Haxus' eyes, Voltron is just a ragtag team with a bunch of idiots and incompetent soldiers who think they're doing the world a favour by trying to ruin their plans. They don't even understand what and why they do this. His old army had the same ideas, probably the reason he decided to blow them and his brother up for the sake of joining the Galra Empire.

As they watch several armed fighters with equipment smuggled from their associates in Russia come and go, a white Highlander drove into the village. However, it was just one car. They sent more fighters to that location. Once the Highlander parked near Haxus, the fighters hopped out. Only two of their loyal ones, Barad and Fakhoury were present.

"What happened? Where's the rest of the team?" Haxus asked.

"We manage to ambush the western devils," Fakhoury answered while Barad lifted his ski mask off. "But they wiped out the majority of our brothers. We're the only two who survived but we were able to capture one of their men."

"Well, that's a shame but I'll take it. Show me the guy you caught."

Barad went up to the back of the car and pulled something out. Once he managed to get him out, Barad was holding a man with a beard in a beige t-shirt with rolled up sleeves, covered by a plate carrier. His face was smeared with dirt and bruises. Haxus raised an eyebrow in amusement and surprise mainly because of his looks. Barad pushed him onto his knees while Fakhoury assisted.

"Well, what a surprise you brought me, boys," he said, bending down and getting a closer look. "Never seen a Samoan like you in Voltron before. You're probably lucky to be here. What's your name?"

The man didn't reply other than glare at him. When he didn't answer, Haxus looked up at Barad, asking for his name.

"We heard one of his comrades call him Hunk." He said.

Haxus was rather surprised and found it funny. "Hunk? That's a weird name for a Samoan. What's your mother's name, is it Slab?"

The man, Hunk continued glaring at him. He seemed offended by his joke.

"Silent one, I see. Well, it's not like I'm here to have a joke with you. But I'm sure the commander will be delighted to see you. So until then…"

Haxus pulled out a magazine from the pouch on his vest and slammed it to his temple. Barad threw the unconscious body aside. "Get some rest. You deserve it."

The men stared at him, waiting for further orders. Haxus stood up while slipping his magazine back into his pouch.

"Put him in the cage with the women and get ready to pull out. We rather not let his friends catch up.

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violetsystems · 5 years ago

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#personal

I think around the start of the holidays until my birthday in the middle of February is the most alone I am every year. Both of my parents still live in the state and are divorced. I end up spending time with both in very intimate settings. Yesterday I took my mom out for lunch in Chinatown. I avoided the larger side of my family. Being isolated isn’t something I’m uncomfortable with. I’ve spent most of the better half of three years isolated. I quit drinking around Christmas of 2016 and played my first show sober in New York at the turn of the year. I set everything up largely by myself and it was so much work I don’t think I enjoyed it. But that was the start of setting off on my own two feet and facing the world I’d become abandoned by. Three years later I’m still down here anonymously typing away at whoever reads these. It’s about the realest and most verbose I am aside from talking to myself. The irony is that people would rather listen to other people’s explanations of me rather than read it from my brain. This is just how society has come to be and a large portion why I stay far away from it. I’m not particularly scared of confrontation. People are real with me on the street in varying levels every day. I write about it here and become desensitized to it. But in the back of my head I wonder what percentage of what I’ve been through has been due to people not listening to what I purport to be. Is anybody ever really listening at all? I am a person that has faced responsibility dead on and found some things I didn’t like about myself. I tried to correct those and fix things because no one else would help me. People will give you sympathy for sure but no one really wants you to change. Years later I find that large portions of my life aren’t really compatible with the society lurking outside my door. I’m not too terribly radical in anything other than my acceptance and tolerance of people who aren’t like me. For a person so far ahead of the curve I’m all by my lonesome more often than not. This is not to say I particularly mind being by myself. I spent most of the time organizing the space that I’ve lived in for over a decade. I’ve held a salaried job for twice that many years. The amount of times I’ve been taken advantage of is astronomical. But for the most part I still wake up on Saturday a little wiser than before and live to tell the tale online. A space where barely anybody knows who each other is but there’s a far deeper understanding to go with it. You could be alone in the world and feel like nobody understands you and why you make the sacrifices you do. That would feel miserable. I know very well people understand exactly what I’m trying to say or do. I also know letting the wrong people into your life will unravel the safety you’ve built around you piece by piece. I’m reminded that every day I pass people from my past on the street. People ignore me for years until there’s an emotional opening. A holiday party. An invitation to a game after being snubbed for an entire year. A nostalgic conversation at a bar while drunk about how Tim is such an asshole . Maybe flip through my instagram and like a few pictures for good measure than spend the rest of the evening talking shit about me. Meanwhile I’m passed out in my bed full of tryptophan and left over turkey. Same old shit just quieter and more apparent. A few dollars more in my checking accounts and my subscriptions paid through the year.

If I’m bitter about anything it’s that a year from now people will know better.. Every year I do this and stay out of trouble is another year people get away with murder for free. It’s been three years now since I started whatever path I set out on. I quit music. It never quit me. In a half assed sort of way it still imagines me in some cryogenic stage. Nostalgia is fucked up like that. I am a very real and different person as I write these now. But fragments of things I did in the past still haunt me in dissonant ways. If I were sure of one thing it’s that what I write here chapter after chapter has an evolving narrative. I understand myself completely. I’ve been working out constantly for the past three years. I quit the gym after being targeted and sexually harassed. Same people followed me around the loop for awhile. I write about it week after week and the only thing that changes is my routine. I change parts of my life to cut these bullshit victimizations out. And they fade in memory like they never happened. People forget how many times they themselves have gaslighted me in public behind my back. I know very well how people talk about me. That’s why I avoid most people. I don’t avoid writing truthfully about it on the internet. You could read these, print them out, highlight them and approach me and I’d probably say “yeah that’s who all this is about.” Nobody does. It seems like that would be the most direct way to engage me. Nobody does. They take fractured bits of things I like and spew them back at me in a random order. Try to manipulate me in ways that I’ve become seriously bored with. I’ve also become less sensitive. I think when .you have your life together in a peaceful way it’s easier to detoxify yourself from the radiation of social progress in America. How can I afford that? On a nonprofit salary I afford it by budgeting and staying away from impulses. Drinking was one of the hardest impulses to delete from my life. Years later looking back to the reasons why I can sympathize but cannot empathize with myself. I wasted a lot of time. I feel just as trapped as I did now. I just face it more directly. At least these days it’s other people that waste my time. The time I spend with myself, my family or my cat is sacred. I used to go to cafes and coffee houses and drink coffee by myself and read. Now I do that alone at the kitchen table overlooking the train platform. My apartment is finally furnished and full of life. I’m far more organized than I was when I was chasing after other people’s approval. I can’t walk a block without someone expecting something from me. Expecting me to prove myself with no payoff. Expecting me to be a superhero for something no one wants to give me credit for. Simultaneously needed and shunned. Three winters spent alone and I don’t really complain about it. I just shrug and see how unhappy people are on the surface. I look in the mirror these days and remember when I hid it. Now I just see me. I don’t regret anything. I am sad that people don’t see me as someone they can respect. Most people look in that mirror and lie to themselves that they have self respect. And it haunts them more than poltergeists or fake tumblrs with good intentions.

I’m not really alone this year at all. The cat that I started feeding on my porch now sleeps under my bed when I have the door open. I have the luxury of locking her out at night when I sleep. She scratches at the door at the same time every morning like an alarm. It’s when I wake up anyway. I work twenty minutes away and appear out of the ether like a vision every morning. Sometimes I feel like I’m so seamless nobody even cares. They just expect that I’ll be around and continue to do what I do. I’m supposed to wait for a sign. Then wait for another sign. Then after three years still keep seeing the same signs that keep telling me to wait. I didn’t go to New York again this year. I spent every two months doing the same trip for over a year. What has changed? I have grown into something I like. I feel more adult. I feel more responsible. I feel like I have a grasp on how much everything costs and why. I feel like I’m ok by myself. I feel like maybe one winter someday I won’t spend it alone emotionally. But statistically speaking I only get better because I stay away from people who are unsure about the direction I am taking myself. I start to think that everybody is full of shit. That sure people can see how great I am in theory but they don’t want to recognize it in public. What would that say if you suddenly agreed that I’m a good person? I remember when you ignored everything I did because you wanted so desperately to believe I wasn’t. I remember how wrong you were. And people still have the nerve to parade in front of you like the bourgeoisie they are sans apology. I was isolated and alone because I had no choice. I took control of large portions of my life only to be greeted by people pressuring me to give up the reigns again. It’s a dumb cycle. And when I end up every Saturday at my kitchen table a little less broke and a little more ok with myself I exhale loudly. It’s not a sigh. It’s not even relief. It’s an acknowledgement of just how fucked up the world really is and how lucky I am to not be wrapped up in it. I tired. Year after year I tried to be recognized for something. There’s always some mediocre rich piece of shit to talk over you. There’s always some public exposition required for you to be accepted. I always thought writing here would be enough. It is for the people that care about me the most. You should already know why I do the things I do. Why I stay home and go to bed at a reasonable hour. Why I have all the coolest shit but am never cool enough for the people who matter. Why I have nothing to hide after being ostracized and worse. Why I don’t bother to complain anymore because people will just call me a hater. How fed up I am and alone I feel. I’m not sad. I’m definitely not seasonably depressed. I will be another year older. I’m pretty old as it is. I both feel it and don’t. I’m young enough to know in five years time I’ll still be better than anybody will ever know. And I know the last three years I’ve only gotten better. I don’t plan on getting any worse. I’m orbited far away from self destruction. Maybe I’m just marooned on my own planet. Like Hoth but with less American imperialism. It’s still cold and lonely at times. But it’s linked to the Star Wars universe so there’s a franchise in here somewhere. <3 Tim

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forkanna · 7 years ago

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NOTE: NaNoWriMo is in full swing! I told you I would try my best to update while it's going on and I will, even though it's obviously not as frequent as other months. Enjoy!

Yeah, I have no idea what went on over at the Chau residence. They took a few pictures of me on their phones to at least have examples ready, but it would have been pretty annoying to stick me in the back of the car — and besides, Stephen made a really good point that I might shatter if they dropped me, so after that nobody much wanted to take responsibility for schlepping the stone girl around.

But I got the general synopsis of what I missed from listening to their chatter. And thank GOD I finally had some entertainment, because lying around in an empty house all by yourself when you can't move is just about the most boring fucking thing ever.

Knives had her mom translate for her, since she can't speak Chinese, and asked her father if he knew any way to undo a spell, or curse, or mutation, or whatever the fuck this was that made people turn into rock-people. At first he said something a teensy bit racist that nobody would repeat, and then he asked for how the symptoms started. When they explained that it started from a feeling, and showed him the pic of my stomach, he kind of figured out what she would need.

Apparently, the house was quiet for so long because they had to go back to that place where Scott got the Soft and head to "Giant World", whatever that means. When they came back, they had another potion that was supposed to do something else. All I got was its name, not what it was supposed to do.

"So once Knives takes the Micron, we'll all stand watch," Steph was saying. Being a little older than everybody but Wallace — when did he show up? — she had kind of elected herself in charge. Also, nobody else wanted to be in charge, anyway. "Take turns. Like, I'm not sure what we can do, but we have to be ready just in case…"

"How long do we think this is gonna take?" Wallace asked, glancing at his trendy chronometer. "I'm supposed to meet up with Mobile at the new club where the Rockit used to be. Supposed to be a lot more catered toward our particular tastes now."

Knives's bottom lip quivered. "You don't care what happens to Kim, do you?"

"In an overall sense? Sure I do… but you guys didn't even remember my birthday. Tit for tat, you know."

"Hopeless," Stephen sighed. "No wonder Joseph hates you."

His trim eyebrow went up very slightly. "That catty bitch hates everyone. Can we get down to business? Kim's life hangs in the balance, just like my punctuality. They're both pretty important. Besides, I'm the only one here who can feed Knives any chi once she's through the gates; you need me as an E Tank."

"Fine!" Huffing, Knives grabbed the potion and downed it in one gulp. There were a few gasps, and Steph said something about "but we weren't through planning!" but it was too late; she had taken the plunge. And I was kinda glad, because at least now I would get to find out what the hell they were talking about, since they were leaving out so many details due to not bothering to include me in their conversation.

Not that I could talk back, anyway. But I could hear.

At first, we thought nothing had happened. Then I could tell something was weird. Everybody in the room was getting taller! Wait, that wasn't it… Knives was getting shorter. And shorter… she was shrinking right in front of my eyes.

"Hurry!" Stephen hissed, and Steph picked her up and sat her on my stomach once she was about toddler-sized. She kept going, slipping down my stomach when she was about the size of a Lego figurine, and then I couldn't see her anymore on the other side of my boobs.

At first, I thought that was it; that she had disappeared, and I felt a panic that I couldn't properly express while held suspended in this pavemential state of being. What the fuck had they done to my girlfriend?! But then I saw Steph bend down and do something else, holding her hand against my stomach.

"Hurry up… oh God, I hope Wallace knows how to use that thing."

WHAT thing?

"Me, too," he sighed as he pulled on the red fingerless glove. "Seems simple enough."

Shit. That thing. And I couldn't even scream as he slapped me in the forehead.

~ o ~

When I woke up, I didn't know where I was. I mean, I was definitely nowhere I had ever been before, and I kind of accepted that much… but still, why was the sky all pink? Why was the ground day-glow blue? Why was the path leading into the far distance so gold and shiny? Why was everything moving a little, like I was actually living inside a heat haze? Just freaking psycho crap.

And there she was.

"Knives!" At first she didn't turn around, but when I shouted again, she finally did — and took a huge leap backward.

"AAAAHHH! A GHOST!"

"A what?" Looking down, I saw that I was half-invisible, and my legs disappeared into a wispy thingy. Reminded me of an actual cartoon ghost, but the tops of my legs were still pretty distinct. "Oh. Well, that's annoying."

Her hand reached out, drew back again, and then reached forward to touch my legs… and she passed right through. She shivered as she whispered, "Whoa."

"Yeah, um, don't do that again."

"Okay. Oh, Kim! I'm so glad you're okay! Kind of!" She moved to hug me, then remembered and drew back again. "Oh, oops. Sorry."

"It's okay. God… I'm such a mess, I didn't mean to make everybody… well, anyway, it's too late now. What are we doing here?"

"Huh? Oh, right! You know, that whole thing you told me about? We have to fix that or we can't reverse this, since we didn't get to it in time. So I took the Micron because I'm the one with the most training, and my dad has this thing in Brazil he has to take care of so he can't."

"What? I mean… damn, how long do you think we might be in here?"

Looking apologetic, she whispered, "He said… maybe a couple years?"

"YEARS?!"

"Or not! It could only take a few hours, if we don't get hung up on the Rubik's Cube."

"Rubik's-" Only then did I catch on. My eyes narrowed in utter disbelief, waiting for her to yell "PSYCH" or something, but she didn't. "Wait. You're talking about all that bullshit I spewed at you when we first started hanging out again, aren't you?"

"Yeah! I mean, I'm ready for the rhino and the warthog, I'm pretty sure, but the rest I'll… have to… what is it, Kim?" she asked when she could tell I was even paler than a spirit already would be.

"It was all a lie. I mean… a joke, but I didn't expect you to actually believe me, and I never got the chance to tell you any differently because you ran off." Sighing, I turned away slightly, not wanting to look at her right then. "If this isn't some kind of crazy fever dream, or rock-dream or ghost-dream or whatever, and you're actually trying to fight your way through my body… then I think you're wasting your time. I have no idea what's about to happen to you in here."

"Well, that's okay," she said instantly. "We'll just figure out what the challenges are if they're different. I'm even stronger than I was before, you know; I kept up my training since all that happened at the Chaos Theater. Knives Chau is buff and knows her stuff!"

Gritting my ghostly teeth, I hissed, "Don't you get it? I want you to leave. Stop trying to help me, I'm obviously more trouble than I'm worth. Just… just go."

For a few seconds, everything was quiet. Then I saw her walking down the road into the distance. I was relieved for just a second; relieved and sad. At least Knives would be okay.

Then she called back to me, "You coming, or are you just gonna hang around here in the middle of your stomach?"

Once I caught up, trying not to let my pleased smile be seen by anyone, I asked her, "Stomach?"

"Sure. The portal is in your belly button; the only way in past the stone. Well, we could have tried your ears or nose, but the journey to your heart would have been a little longer, and we couldn't be sure of the path. This seems like a straight shot."

"Oh. Well… I mean, um… I don't really get this. Why are you trying so hard for me? I suck as a girlfriend, and I suck as a friend. All I did was kind of… hang around you and be grumpy all the time. Then statue-ified myself. "

That got her to stop walking and blink at me a few times. "You really think that's all you gave me, Kim?"

"Well… yeah."

"Don't be dumb. You were so sweet."

"ME?!"

"Yes, you," she giggled as she resumed, setting a swift pace. Not that I minded, since floating alongside her didn't seem to make me any more or less tired. "Sure, you tried to bury it under like, your whole 'cool' attitude, but I've… never had anybody make me dinner before besides my mom. And you were always there to talk to and you really listened to my babble, and we could always play games or watch TV, and you were so awesome about not rushing me with sex stuff… held my hand. Kissed my cheeks. Made me feel important to you, even though I could tell it was really hard for you to do that. Gosh, Kim, who wouldn't love you?"

For a few minutes, all I could do was float alongside her. Something about this inner-spirit state I was in prevented me from crying, but I definitely wanted to be. Was kind of frustrating, actually, needing that emotional release and being unable to have it. But I certainly had no words to follow up hers with.

When we got to the outer gates, it looked like a giant walled city, and the multiple colours of the doorframe reminded me of Fruit Stripe gum for some reason. Anyway, as I had been worrying about… there were the guards. Giant mutant animals that just barely weren't copies of villains from an old cartoon I loved when I was little.

"Oh wow, okay," she breathed, whipping out a couple of her huge daggers. "Do you know their weaknesses? Because like, if I can stand on that piece of wall and stab down with my weapon continually-"

"Did you say… you love me?"

"What? Oh, um… yeah, I think I did? Is that okay?"

My noncorporeal eyes nearly bugged out of their invisible sockets. She started to look even less sure of herself, glancing back and forth between me and the enemies. So I quickly said, "Yeah, yeah. It's great. I mean, uh… sorry. Just never had anyone… say that to me before. Damn."

"Hmmm. Didn't know a ghost could blush."

"What?!"

"Kidding," she giggled just as my hands went up toward my face. "Come on, let's get this done. I want to help you."

Humming to myself, I tilted my head up in their direction. "No idea. But I have this vague feeling that if we kick one of their asses, they'll both go down. Well, if you do. Not sure I'll be much help like this."

"Might as well try it!" Then she started sprinting for them. "HEY YOU GUYS!"

That… was not how I would have handled it.

To Be Continued…

#kim pine's precious little knives #scott pilgrim vs. the world #forkanna writes #scott pilgrim fanfiction #transgender representation #forkanna the writer

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rueur · 4 years ago

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Morning Pages No. 56

Wednesday 19th August - 9:22am

I set my alarm to wake up at 6:30am and it didn’t take, because I was dumb enough to fall asleep at around 1. I was talking to Sam from the agency though, and we hadn’t spoken properly in a long while. His last message to me approached 500 words, and he made a comment on it basically being an outreach piece and said our response system was getting out of hand! But man, we had a lot to catch up on. He’s been telling me a little about his lockdown experience, and it seems pretty grim in comparison to mine, I mean aside from the fact that he’s still got a full-time job and multiple other noble commitments, whereas I made around $300 last week with my two shifts. I’m not enjoying making this little from my main source of income, especially after thinking about buying the house in Epping. I went on LinkedIn this morning and had a squiz at the jobs posted on there, but as usual, nothing seems entirely perfect. There was a job posted for a broadband company that isn’t Telstra, and that sounds pretty interesting. I feel like with my degree and my telco retail experience, I’d probably have a good chance of landing that? Maybe I should apply. I’m honestly not in too much of a rush to find something until after graduation. But considering how long this degree is taking me and how fed up I am with unimelb and this bogus fee they’re trying to charge me over my semester one class cancellation, I’m reconsidering just how much I need this degree anyway. My parents say that I’m this close, I might as well see it through. And I know they’re right. I just don’t like that they’re right! Usually I’m right!

It’s worth mentioning that I’m also struggling with getting through these pages today, and I say that only six minutes in, and half a page in. I don’t know, I just feel a bit fatigued today. It’s most likely the sleep. I’m not sure how to fix this aside from going to bed at a reasonable hour tonight. I’ll have to do that anyway in order to feel ready enough for work tomorrow. I should do some laundry...my jeans are in the wash. I mean, I have other jeans and I probably shouldn’t wear the jeans anyway, considering I’m just going to be sitting at a desk for four and a half hours now, and I don’t really need pockets for that. But I don’t know what else to wear, and jeans are a really easy decision to make. Maybe my black-and-white pinstripe pants.

I want to be a little active today, I wasn’t that active yesterday...but I still have articles to write. I didn’t finish any of the three insider pieces I have to do, because I was only given access to the spreadsheet yesterday after asking Sam and asking Sam for access turned into a full-on all-day conversation with Sam. I was also on the phone to Sandy for 2 hours and 40 minutes yesterday. I just feel like I’ve been so goddamn busy all week. Sunday blurred into Monday and now Tuesday went by with little restraint, and now it’s Wednesday. And what have I made to show for all this work? $300. $80 from tuition. $60 that I still need to invoice Julie for. $270 for the entire MONTH from the agency. Let’s say that’s $70 a week. That means every week I’m supposed to make a combined income of approximately $460 without commission. That’s honestly not enough for the amount of time and effort I feel like I’m putting into things right now. What is taking up all my time? I honestly don’t know, but we’re in lockdown and I shouldn’t be feeling this tired. I just want to be appreciated and compensated for what I’m worth. Goodness. I feel like this is just a recurring theme in my life. I feel like I’ve outgrown school now, to be completely honest. I don’t want to wait until I’ve finished my degree to put myself out there. I’m ready now. Finishing my degree is just a formality at this point. The worst thing about waiting until after I finish the degree is honestly just the fact that I don’t know when the degree is going to end because I can’t fulfill the internship component nor even PLAN the internship component because we’re in a STAGE 4 LOCKDOWN. I feel like my future is being held for ransom, it’s hideous. It’s ACTUALLY being held for ransom because of unimelb’s dumbass fee. I am clearly not feeling good this morning. I hope the 21 Days has something planned that’ll turn this shit around, or I could at the very least do it myself. It’s wet outside, but I’ve been gearing to go for a bike ride. But riding in the rain has been a small source of anxiety since my accident where I lost my two front teeth. That was in April, 2017, a few months into my relationship with Evan. Evan was there. We spoke about it for the first time in a long time quite recently, I think during the first lockdown. I asked him if he thought in that instance when I was sitting with a bloody mouth on the side of the road, that he DEFINITELY couldn’t break up with me anytime soon because he’s fucked up my mouth. He laughed and said ‘yeah, actually’, which was honestly pretty cool. The fact that after all this time, I could ask a question that had a brutally honest answer and we could just laugh about it. We’re solid, I’ve always felt like we are. Even when we broke up for that one afternoon last year, when Dan was living with us.

I find myself writing most of this so that I have at least some recollection of it further down the line. I’ve realised that these pages have been valuable for me to read over, so I want to put stuff in them that ‘future me’ will find valuable. Like I think that I’m going to use all the stuff I wrote about Aaron and that weird coke night in Thornbury to finetune the short story based on that incident. It’s great to have the actual feelings of that night down in my own words. It feels like I can just go back to that night and have it be very real, and thus infinitely easier to write about.

Nicky just came back through the open front door a few minutes ago, so I’m just going to go check that he’s still in the house. It’s 9:43am, and I’m impatient to finish these pages off. I just have very real work to do and this feels like a bit of a distraction. I’m only two pages in ah!

Okay, I don’t think he’s still here, but Lonzo’s tucked right underneath the full doona next to me, so I’m feeling comforted by him and not too concerned that Nicky won’t return or that he’ll get hurt...or anything like that. Nicky’s had a few incidents over the past few years, but this system of letting him out first thing in the morning before he’s had breakfast does work! He runs out for a bit, spends a good twenty to thirty minutes exploring the outside world, and then he returns home promptly because he wants to be fed. Not only does he get to enjoy being outside at least once every day, but he gets to do so without wandering too far, and he also doesn’t feel inclined to go scrummaging for food through anybody’s bins because he knows there’s some actual food waiting for him at home. I feel pretty confident and settled in my cat ownership abilities, my abilities to be a cat owner.

Finally I’m on the last page. This isn’t going too well today, I don’t know. My fingers are almost to a point where it gets difficult to type because of the cold. My circulation isn’t too great, my extremities get cold quite easily. It’s apparently supposed to be a female-body thing, a biological setting that helps protect our centres, our wombs. 2000 or so words a day is intense. Does this become a detrimental practice if the prose is too long? I’ve just been doing this the way I’ve always done it, and I kind of don’t want to change the practice three days into it. I might review the three page construct after the 21 Days are complete. It shouldn’t be too much of an issue, so long as we’re still in lockdown, and we’re most likely going to stay in lockdown until mid September, apparently. I have no issue with that either. I just heard Nicky, he’s still here. Evan just came out of the other room. I hope he feeds him right now. I think he’s going to. I’m just hearing out. He sighed. Nicky’s meowing. There’s a crinkling of plastic and a cupboard just closed. I don’t think he fed him. Nicky’s food is in a jar on top of the microwave. Should I call out ‘can you feed the cat and close the front door?’? I feel like I shouldn’t have to. Evan’s making himself breakfast. Oh god, if it rains some more today, my jeans just won’t be washed in time for me to wear them to work tomorrow. Or more aptly, they won’t be dry in time.

I don’t know why, but my brain just naturally took me to this one time that a homeless man on Collins St outside Evan’s shop followed me until I gave him cash. I had to actually TAKE CASH OUT at a servo before he left me alone. That was an upsetting day. But it was raining and I was wearing a very big, thick coat from UNIQLO that ammi had given to me. It probably made me look wealthy, I guess. I mean aside from the fact that I’m a tiny, little, scruffy, brown person. I don’t understand how anybody could look at me and think that I have money. And in the grand scheme of things, I really don’t have money. But I have more than Evan, despite having a lot more debt too, thanks to tertiary study. Look, I can see I’m thinking about money a lot, despite making very little, but I think that’s the whole point. Money is security, and I deserve security. I’m working so hard to try and attain this sense of place and security. I reckon I’m ready to be a homeowner, all I need to do in order to reach this goal is to find a job that can provide for me. And even if I leave the store and find a professional gig, but then the professional gig goes belly-up because the economy is in the toilet, I still think I’ll be okay because the store will take me back. Maybe not as a salesperson again, I don’t know. But I’m convinced that I have family at that company, and so long as I have people there, I should be okay. It’s not like my last few jobs, where I quit and I knew I couldn’t go back. I have some pretty well-established connections now. It might be worth asking Sam if there’s anything for me to do at the agency...but I don’t want him to think I’m just talking to him to get a job. I actually love him. He’s a fantastic human being and we have a lot in common, and I want to meet him. I’ve always wanted to meet him, so much more than I want to talk to him over messenger or email. I have faith that that day will come, the day where we’ll finally be able to meet. I just thought it would be a lot sooner, that’s all. I thought a lot would be happening in 2020. I had high expectations. I think everyone did. I believe that fact has made this reality a lot harder for the western world. But then again, the western world has just got to suck it the fuck up. This isn’t hard.

#stream of consciousness #stream of conscience #morningpages #56 #sam #money #jobs #artistsway

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omgnsfwisnsfw-blog · 6 years ago

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NSFW #21: Traded

The dark was absolute. There was nothing discernable about NSFW’s surroundings other than a slight lack of solidity of the ground under their feet, a mild chill in the air, and the faint scent of grass, beer, popcorn, and other snacks, all mingled together in a familiar, nostalgic aroma. Slowly, and with no small sense of deja vu, Mike McGuire began to come to. She groaned as she found herself, once again, seated in a wooden chair and tied back to back with her partner. “Nnnngh… Church? You okay, bud?” John opened up his eyes slightly. His mind felt like mush. He mumbled his response. “Not really.” “Don’t worry. I’m right here, we’ll find a way out of this.” “Wait a second…” “Yeah. This is all really fuckin’ familiar, isn’t it?” Mike didn’t have time to comment on the odd repetitive feeling of their predicament any further, because just then, there was a strange electrical hum echoing from above, followed by the growl of machinery works grinding to life. Slowly, far, far above them, two roof panels slid apart, the full moonlight splashing down on the bound champions like a natural, silver-tinged spotlight. NSFW were tied up on a grassy field, smack dab in the middle of a gigantic blue star painted on the turf. All around them were cavernous, upward sloping rows of navy blue chairs, concrete stairways slicing them into sections. The massive rectangular hole that’d opened up in the domed roof revealed the starlit sky above them. Before either of them could say a word, though, the rhythmic beat of a helicopter’s blades cutting the air echoed through the empty building from the air above. The shadow of a large, luxury model chopper obscured the moonlight and hovered in place. Then, even more strangely, the figure of a man emerged from an open side door and, after a moment’s hesitation, lept out, falling toward them for about ten seconds before a parachute, adorned with the same blue star painted on the grass, opened behind him and slowly carried him down. Sensible but high end business shoes hit the blue-stained turf. The man was dressed in a dark navy suit, perfectly tailored to his somewhat thin frame, and had a head of wispy but neatly combed white hair. His face was lined with age and his eyes seemed set just a little too far apart on his head. He smiled at the captive tag team, the toothy, practiced smile of a Texas businessman. “Howdy y’all! You’ve been traded to my team!” “Oh no, not again. We’ve been coll-” “Shhh!” Mike looked back over her shoulder to the best of her ability, eyebrows raised in alarm. “You wanna get us sued!?” “Look at ya, big boy. You got the looks of my newest war daddy.” The old man then looked Mike up and down. “What are you, 5’1? 5’2?” Still not addressing the old man, Mike’s face lit up in recognition of just where they were. “Church. You know where this is? We’re on the fucking 50 yard line at AT&T Stadium.” “Right. This makes total sense.” “Ya see, things ain’t lookin’ too bright for America’s Team this year. Or any year. But we got ourselves you two. Jason’s gonna give ya call later, get you all acclimated. First, the Dallas Starlets. Kinda strange a guy wanted to be a starlet but hey, we got them male cheerleaders now. And now you’ll be the Newest Stars in Fort Worth.” “Aren’t we in fuckin’ Arlington?” “Same area, fellas!” Church looks up and all around. “Why?” Clearly the question was posed to his partner and not their current abductor. “Fuck if I know. Apparently we’re in hot demand lately and people can’t just send shit to our booking email. By the way, that’s [email protected], and we got pretty reasonable rates depending on date and occasion.” Church stood up from the chair all of a sudden, visibly annoyed. At least for him. Not even bothering with the illusion of being tied up. He looked at the local actor and gave a polite nod. “Thank you for your time but this is unnecessary.” Mike opened her mouth as if to protest- after all, they had just dropped a chunk of change renting the place for an hour- but nodded, getting up as well and brushing the fake ropes off. “You’re right, bud. This is kind of dumb. C’mon, let’s go.” Slipping an extra fifty bucks to not-Jerry Jones for his time and trouble, NSFW exited the stadium, their title belts slung over their shoulders. The picture fuzzed a bit as the feed transitioned from a professional camera setup to Mike’s trusty GoPro. “You know, EWC Faithful, ya boys have maybe gotten ourselves into a pattern lately. Little bit of overproduction, maybe where it isn’t exactly necessary. But hey, we did get a pretty nice location shot out of it. Check out where we are!” The picture whirled a bit, from the stadium growing slightly smaller behind them to the cityscape of Dallas growing slightly larger as they walked down the sidewalk. “It’s okay.” “I know it ain’t where we’re technically supposed to be, and believe me when I say we’ll be in Minneapolis when it’s time. But we thought the hometown of our opponents for this week might be worth a look.” Mike rubbed her chin. “The Dallas Starlets in Minneapolis. You know, Minneapolis used to have a hockey team called the Northstars that came to Dallas… eh, nevermind, I’m gettin’ off track.” Mike shrugged the thought off, waving to some passing fans who hollered happily to them. “I see you two wound up in FSW’s fucking meatgrinder of a match. I’ve gotta tip my hat to that- you’ve got some balls going through with it. Just make sure there’s enough of you left afterward to give us a good fight.” John walked at a slow pace but his long strides kept him side by side with Mike. “Nina Samson. Uriah Long. You two seem nice enough.” Then he stopped. Mike kept walking near out of camera shot before she realized the abrupt break. Taking a couple steps back around, she framed them up properly again. “But honestly, I’m not in the mood for it. Last time around, we’re amidst of a new chapter of a great story and then something happened.” “And that ain’t your fault. Frankly, you could be damn near anybody and we still wouldn’t have much patience for you. Patience, my little shiny Starlets, is a commodity we’re running pretty fucking scarce on lately. You can blame a particular... collection of shitters for that. Sticking their noses into business that wasn't theirs and will never be theirs. Here’s a nugget of wisdom to guide you through your rookie career, kids- you aren’t part of a story just by barging into it.” Mike snorted. Obviously, the events of the previous show were still irritating them both in a significant way. “Maybe we’re paranoid. Maybe we’re looking over our shoulders for a trio of underachievers and their cartoon villian of a manager. I’m sure that’s what they want.” John shrugged. “But maybe The Limit runs through them like a buzzsaw and we move on with our lives. So Uriah, Nina, since we were robbed of that chance last time, Mike and I need to make a statement. And if it has be against fighting cousins from the heart of Texas, so be it.” Mike held up a finger. “You’re new here, so let me define something for you. When my partner says that? He means that all bets are fucking off. You can be as fresh and cute and bright eyed and fuckin’ bushytailed as you want- we are running through you like shit through a goose. It ain’t personal. Like he said before, and I concur with- you seem like nice kids. Were circumstances better, we’d probably be friendlier. But it is what it is.” The Bronx brawler leaned over, glaring into the camera. “We want this over fucking quick. The longer we take to rip you apart, the bigger the likelihood some douchebags come swooping in like goddamn George of the Jungle to try and make their names off us. Again. Now, if you think you can handle that? A pair of pissed off Tag Team Champions willing to grind you into sawdust just to get you over with? By all means, bring it. This is your Come To Jesus moment, and we’re feeling like holy hell.” “Mike, the reason to all of that? I feel like we’re on the cusp of greater things. We’re in the catbird seat, waiting for our next challengers. I feel that I can speak for my partner that with this storm coming, we need to weather it. We’ve worked too hard to establish this division for others to marginalize us. We’ve already shown the Criterion what NSFW means. Contemplate this, Starlets. Mike and I as a unit have not been pinned or submitted since last May. And maybe the good times can’t last forever but I can’t fathom the circumstances where a pair that are so muddled by their fears and insecurities will have enough to stop this ride. One could consider that arrogance. It’s a possibility. Every time I step into that ring, I feel more and more convinced that all of this - was destiny.” And on the surface, that is exactly what it meant. But John’s words splintered into a duality that Mike would only be privy to. “And we ain’t the type to let anyone- from three sick fucks with delusions of grandeur to a pair of sweet little cowboy cousins- tromp all over the will of the universe.” Her hand, just out of the view of the camera, slipped into his. Acknowledging the secondary meaning of what John had just said. “Twinkle twinkle, little Starlets. Fight us with all your might, and maybe you’ll shine bright enough to beat us. But with the mood we’re in?” Mike shook her head, expression grim. “I seriously fucking doubt it.” That hard expression remained on the faces of both champions as the picture faded to black.

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