#I will never be perfect i don't want to settle for less but I cannot for the life of me just go take a loan and go in debt for a course

[anervousmirrorball]

im so so disappointed in myself :( i just want to run away from myself. im so pathetic

[simplyreveries]

Hello! I would like to make a request for Riddle, Kalim, Ortho, and Malleus (gn reader, platonic or romantic. except for Ortho, platonic for him)

How would they react to finding out that the reader wasn't allowed to celebrate their birthday back home and has never had a birthday party?

riddle rosehearts

I have a feeling riddle never really had experienced a birthday party himself, unless it was someone like trey or che'nya doing some little kid attempt at giving him one during their childhood and that is until he came to nrc and got to feel that more. Yes, riddle is saddened when he hears that you've never gotten to have one yourself more so greatly upset. you’re the last person he would ever think deserves to have that happen to, he will make sure to go completely out of his way with the help of trey and other dormmates he made help to ensure that your first birthday would be positively perfect..! riddle really wouldn't accept anything less than best for you.

because of his own experiences with… unpleasant birthdays he knows what a dreadful feeling it can be so it only amps up his own feelings into making it good for you. The roses will be painted your favorite colors, he’ll make sure trey makes you the tastiest cake/pastries of your liking, decorations are of your taste he is going above and beyond here. ace and deuce even make sure to tread more lightly around him as he's invested in this… they cannot cause any trouble on your special day hjsdjklsdg

all he can think about is the smile that will be on your face once you've seen what he has done, at least he can hope so. he frets about choosing a gift for you, but he’d settle for something small but sentimental like a necklace. his tension and initial worry do seem to evaporate when he sees you having a good time, he feels a sense of relief and simply cannot keep his eyes off of you.

kalim al asim

kalim literally cannot fathom this... he is immediately planning and preparing your birthday as soon as he hears about it and yes, it's going to be his best one yet (”kalim my birthday is in two months-”) he talks to jamil all the time about his plans and how it's going to be absolutely perfect for someone as perfect as you. kalim really is observant, especially towards you— he knows what you like and will implement any of that into this celebration of yours.

I don't just mean a big loud party with a bunch of people— kalim already knows if that really isn't your thing but trust me, he will still go above and beyond even if it's just some sleepover with him and some friends of yours. we haven't even discussed the amounts of gifts you’ll be receiving. I 100% believe he’d be like giving you some gift every day in your birth month, he’ll claim they're all to make up for the birthday gifts you didn't receive growing up.

on the day of your birthday, you could look at what he’s done and be like “isn't this a bit-” “too little??” hahaha. he is so full of energy that day; he tries to get you to dance with him even if it's just him making some fool of himself to get you to laugh. because, despite all the things he does and gets you objectively kalim’s priority is to see you happy and laughing throughout the day. that will be his biggest reward.

ortho shroud

ortho knows you pretty well, he does analyze people incredibly. so, he can easily understand what exactly it'd bd you’d want for a birthday… the issue may be is how do you get a bunch of people to celebrate something in ignihyde?? he’d settle to making some surprise party for you at ramshackle and drag idia to help him out. Along with the other first years.

he would make sure to let others like grim, ace, deuce, and the ghosts that live in ramshackle know what he’s doing as he still asks for some advice from them quite often. it's cute to see how serious he takes it; he gets all stern with people like ace or grim to make absolutely sure they don't spill and reveal the little celebration they're setting up for you, it's almost a little intimidating until he switches a 180 to a cheerful and excited demeanor when the plans seem to be going his way.

the party would end up becoming some sleepover with him and the first years, a little chaotic, but really fun. on top of that, ortho is getting his own experiences with things like this with friends for the first time too and he loves it.

malleus draconia

he has had spent most of his birthdays, rather lonely. i mean, he literally doesn't like cakes for the fact that they once gave made him sick because he didn't have really anyone to split it with. not to mention, his birthdays may become quite repetitive and boring with his years of age. however, he almost seems confused when you mention that you’ve never really have had one before. malleus believed that it was normal for humans to always have one, it's what he's been the most exposed to.

malleus could not stop getting that fact of you out of his mind, he seemed to be troubled and lost in thought on how to make you feel better about it. most likely, coming to lilia for help since he’s usually the one to do birthdays, obviously. of course, malleus would be quite happy and excited even to have one celebrated for you at diasomina— silver is quick to suggest he handle cake after past experiences with lilias cooking and baking skills.

he tries to actually keep to a surprise but he’s so obvious about it as he can't help but feel excited as he awaits your reaction to it all. you could ask him one night outside of ramshackle if he's planning a party for you and he’d chuckle and be like “am i?” (disappears??). he doesn't seem to leave your side once the day comes, content and pleased with how happy you seem. you’ll catch him staring at you the whole time as you go about your day, blow out candles for the first time, open gifts (which are obviously some rare, expensive accessory from him) and experience what it’s like for the very first time.

[inoreuct]

During a supply run with Zoro, a well-meaning lady tells Sanji he's pretty. Not handsome, no--PRETTY. "Your swordsman over there is handsome," she says, pointing at Zoro, who's examining liquor bottles over at another stall. "YOU are pretty." How does he react, & what happens next? 👀 (1/2)

he just laughs at first, if only to cover up how that one word from a stranger has hit him like a punch to the gut.

he looks like a man, and people don't call men pretty. rogueish, certainly. even charming; he's gotten that before at least, but pretty? he laughs some more, gives her a smile and a few words that he doesn't even register, and the merchant lady tilts her head. "you don't get that often, do you?"

"never gotten it at all, actually," he answers, bravado draining away to leave a mumble that he isn't even sure she can hear.

but she must have, because she slides his purchases to him and hums, "well, you're very beautiful. anyone'd have to be blind not to see it."

"maybe," he allows hesitantly, taking the bag with a nod of goodbye. he cannot help but feel as though he's realised something that he won't be able to ignore.

and sure enough, back on the ship, the words swim in his mind. they pop up in blinding white font against the dark of his eyelids as he tries and fails to get to sleep. you're very beautiful.

do i want to be beautiful? he asks himself, and halfway through he already knows, he knows the answer. feels it like an ache in his bones.

sanji's never let himself think about it, but once he starts he can't stop. he imagines himself in makeup, pots and pencils and brushes in front of a mirror, his hair fluffed to perfection, lips red as the dawn and a beauty mark beneath his eye. he thinks about what it would feel like to put on a dress, a proper one; cotton and linen traded for silk, starched dress shirts abandoned in favour of satin blouses and full skirts that nip in with ribbon at the waist. he thinks of the wicker wedge sandals that nami sometimes wears. he thinks about being a man, with a little something more.

he flips over and shoves his face into his pillow. he needs to stop thinking about things that he wants but can never have.

*

sanji's usually better at keeping his secrets, but eventually he slips. he should have known it was only a matter of time before the magnitude of it all became too much to bear and spilled out across the floor.

fortunately, his crew is there to catch him.

they take all of it in stride, even though sanji himself doesn't even know what all of it is yet; he figures things out as they go along. he finds clothes that aren't his in his closet, accessories appearing on his dresser. zoro keeps buying him silk blouses and it makes him want to laugh and cry in equal amounts. nami sees her chance to snag a makeup practice dummy and grabs it, which results in many a night in the girls' quarters, fooling around with makeup until they're either too tired or too giddy with laughter. the rest of the crew show their support in smaller ways, though no less significant—

and now, a year later and leaning against the bar counter of a vaguely familiar town, sanji suspects that he's somehow found himself. it hits him with all the grandeur of someone realising oh, it's stopped raining, or oh, tomorrow's tuesday— sinks into him honey-slow like the burn of the whiskey he sips, warm and comfortable, like a coat he hadn't realised he'd been wearing this whole time and had become his favourite without him even knowing. put like that, it sounds incredibly silly; sanji chuckles as he takes another drink, and a hand settles low on his back where the blue velvet of his dress dips down.

"hey, beautiful," zoro whispers by his ear, pressing a kiss to his cheekbone before leaning over his shoulder to order, and sanji smiles as he swirls his glass with a slow twirl of his wrist.

maybe he'll go look for that merchant lady again. he's fairly sure he owes her a thank you.

[lazyalani]

| Rengoku Kyojuro × [F!]Reader

| angst, you know it, hurt no comfort, ofcourse there isn't a happy ending what are you expecting on a kyokyo fic, mentions of death, character death, this is for my kyokyo obsessed friend i hope this makes you feel worse better @rilzaly , first kny fic, might be ooc cuz i dont know him that well, idk what i just wrote, not proofread

| Won't you come home, dearest?

| Main Masterlist

| KNY Masterlist (not available yet)

i will stand by you,

"This isn't right, not this, not this either. That's ugly. No, that isn't the right shade at all."

This whole wedding planning is stressing you out. Sure, it's exciting and all, but who says it's not harder than the actual wedding? A special day needs special preparation too.

"Calm down, you'll find the right one eventually." Your bestfriend says, sitting on a chair and watching you ransack a pile of kimonos inside the fitting room of a shop.

"I know, but it doesn't make it less stressing. Kyojuro and I have dreamt for this beautiful wedding in the entirity of our relationship, I want it to be perfect." You huff in frustration. It's complicated when your fiance's isn't here too, what if he doesn't like the colors?

"I know, and it makes me happy that you've finally met a man who's willing to act like a proper man."

"Right? He's everything I could ever ask for. The wedding is in 5 days and I'm going to make sure it's never going to be forgotten."

And you so desperately hope that everything will go well. A part of you fears whatever tension your fiance and his colleagues are feeling.

I will stand by you,

"Kyojuro!" You waved at your soon to be husband, holding a rather large box wrapped in an orange cloth.

The sun haired man paused in his tracks along the street and made his way to you with his usual big smile and bright aura. "Dearest! Have you come with our lunch?"

You smiled at his never fading brightness. "Ofcourse, I hope you haven't skipped resting periods, honey. Don't overwork yourself." You replied and handed over the wrapped box.

His face turns into a frown as you settle the box in his hands. Does he not want it?

"Is there something wrong?"

i will stand by you,

The bento is placed on a big rock on the side and his hands are immediately inspecting your face.

"Wha- Eh? Kyojuro? Honey, mind telling me what you're doing?" You said, feeling his hands checking even the sides of your face.

"I have not been skipping rest, but have you, dear?" He crossed his arms and stared at your face. "Has the preparations been stressing you out too much? I knew I should be helping more, dear. I will take the rest of the days off if you wish."

You blinked. "What? Honey, what is this about?"

"Where is you bento?" He asks.

"What?"

"Are you not going to eat with me?"

Oh, so that is what this is about.

Your smile widened at your fiance. He truly is a ray of sunshine. How could you ever ask for more?

"Oh, honey, I can't go eat with you because I'm going to check on the cake design, and you're going on a mission on a train, remember?" You raised your hand on his cheek, brushing away a fallen leaf.

the war in your head will shoot you down dead,

"Oh! Well, that's unfortunate. But it's no big deal, we can eat together when I return tomorrow." He smiles big again as he brushes his hand against yours on his cheek.

The smile on your face never fades as your features turn into worry. "That's right, come eat with me tomorrow."

He presses his forehead to yours. "Tomorrow, and the next day, to the next, always, everyday." His lips press against your forehead as he hugs you, as cherished as ever.

"Be safe, we have our wedding to attend, come home to me, Kyojuro."

"Always, my dearest."

so don't even try to win, is it worth it all in the end?

You sat on your bed, hoping to relax as the day is almost on it's end. The preparations for the day are done, time to wait for the next day.

But you cannot sleep. Not when your fiance is outside doing his duty. Before you knew it, it was already dawn, you were so stuck overthinking, you couldnt get sleep.

i don't think so

You can never sleep nor stop thinking about him whenever he is out there battling demons, quite literally. He's got not only the lives of people on his hands, but also his own.

Your fiance is someone heroic. Someone kind hearted who is never one to leave innocents and those in need behind. He was, is, and will always be the kind of person who sticks to his morals and principles to the very end. His spirit will never let him yield, and that makes him the Flame Hashira, the sun haired man who's flame can never be extinguished, the brightest sun, the smiling softy, your fiance, him.

try to embrace the lines on your face,

It's what has drawn you to him. His never ending spirit and respect. A true knight and guardian of the people. A booming positive sun. A loving brother, a caring person, a kind lover.

the story of who you are, cuz i love what i've read so far

You love that about him. You love everything about him. As he does to you.

You have faith in his abilities, you've always had. But it can never erase the heavy feeling in your chest. The ache whenever he tells you about a new mission. The pounding in your heart when he comes home later than planned. The slight breaking when you see bruises. And the tears when you wash his bloodied clothes.

i mean it, i mean it,

You stand up to get some water and ease the fear.

But a certain picture frame breaks as you accidentally run into the table it is settled.

when you fight for every breath,

Your breath hitches as you struggle to pock up the broken pieces.

You don't know what's gotten into you as you cry from the slight pain when you get hurt by the broken glass. You can feel your own desperation. Of what?

Why is your chest pounding harder than it did before? Why is it that your heart aches again? Kyojuro promised to come home. He will, as always, more now that you have a wedding. So why is it that you can almost hear your ear ringing in pain? The eerie feeling in your heart.

and the waves are overhead,

A knock on the front door brings you back with a big breath. You take a few more breaths, catching yourself before walking to the door.

Kyojuro?

It was Mitsuri, your fiance's former tsuguko. You remember her, a lovely lady who always bounced around you and kyojuro, calling you his older sister and wanting to always help you with food and as kind as her teacher. Always full of energy and smiles.

However, her face was solemn.

And your heart pounded again.

let me lay your mind to rest

"Mitsuri-chan? What are you doing here this early?" You ask the girl. You managed to keep your voice steady, observing her shaking hands and trembling eyes. She couldn't even look at you, staring at the ground.

Maybe deep inside you always knew it. You've seen it coming the moment he mentioned a possible long mission involving a train. Maybe you should've listened to him. You should've listened to your guts. You should've asked him to stay and help you with the preparations instead. You should've listened to the eerie feeling in your head saying make him stay.

"Nee-san, he is..." The love hashira's voice trembled. This time, her swollen green eyes stared right into yours. The obvious message making its way into your throat.

i will stand by you

"Rengoku-san, he... an uppermoon was..." The girl bursted into tears, taking out a bright orange haori, neatly folded, the tinges of red making your vision blur.

"Always, my dearest."

when all of you dreams are shattered,

The sight of blood on your fiance's haori was enough to push out the bile on your throat as you kneeled on the ground.

Ah, you'd refuse to believe it, but the fresh smell of the blood, and the beautiful haori that represented your fiance's never extinguished flame—

Ah, the flame is out.

Mitsuri rub your back as you let out the rest of the bile on your throat out. She cried with you, mourned with you, grieved with you, suffered with you, cared for you.

"I'm sorry... We're so sorry..." The hashira beside you repeated the same again and again.

and your world is left in tatters,

And at the day of your wedding, was your fiance's corpse lying on a casket.

Your stare at his casket was empty. Your mind was blank, your eyes were clouded. You could not even cry anymore, not after those sleepless nights spent crying, being haunted by his smiles even in your dreams and then waking up to nothing.

He was still so beautiful even when you couldn't see him inside the closed casket. Your fiance's smiling face on the picture frame presented kept you awake.

Your parents comforted you beside, his brother was crying beside you, his father was silent, but you could tell he was finally awake too. Too see his son's hardwork. But it was all too late. He too, was awake, to see his son's corpse.

The whole Demon Slayer Corps were present. From the hashira's silently kneeling behind you, to the Master and his family on the other side, to the kakushi's and some mizunotos Rengoku had helped. You were all mourning beside each other, present as a sign of respect to the most loved hashira.

when you're lost, we're lost together

i'll stand by— i will stand by you

You kneeled infront of your fiance, wearing the wearing dress you cut off, turning it into a simple white dress. His tailored coat was put on top of the casket, the ring on your hand and the other with him.

It is clear that when dreams are turned to reality, they warp into a nightmare when you least expect it.

if black is your brightest color,

if hurt is your only lover,

[ninesbey0nd]

Sweet Venom | Heeseung

Fallen Angel! Heeseung x Reader | Oneshot

SYNOPSIS. Unbeknownst to you, one of your fellow classmates happens to be your guardian angel. He watches over you silently, as he is to never interfere with your life’s path. He was sent to protect you. Alas, Heeseung seems to have tabled his duties after your classmate Jay starts getting too close for comfort.

PAIRING. Fallen Angel Heeseung x Reader

GENRE. slight angst, possessive Heesung, strangers to friends to lovers

WARNINGS. Violence, Profanity, Implied/NSFW, Death, Religious Aspects (not really but)

WORD COUNT. 4.5k

if you wanna be added to my tag list lmk! :) <3

“I would give up heaven if I had to, just to get another taste of your sweet venom.”

"I really don't wanna go to this lecture," you whined, taking sloppy steps as your friend Gaeul pulled you behind her.

"We have an exam in this class soon! I don't wanna be responsible for helping you cram a day before." She shook her head, drawing her lips into a thin line.

The two of you hurried to your seats and set down your belongings. The professor hadn't arrived yet, so you both had time to take a breather.

"I hate this fucking class." you groaned, slumping back into your chair while holding your head in your hands. Gaeul nods in agreement, "Literally no one cares about statistics, but we need this class to graduate."

You exchanged a blunt look with Gaeul. She was right, but that didn't make you want to be here any more than you already did. As the professor made his way toward the front of the classroom, you noted a presence settling beside you.

"Oh! Hey Jay." Gaeul gave him a little smile, waving her hand in his direction.

“Ready to be bored to death for an hour?” Jay snickers, elbowing you softly. The class began and the three of you did your best to at least try to understand the professor. He might as well have been a broken record from how much information he repeated, you weren’t complaining though. Less to study, less to remember. The clock hit 11:00 and the students arose from their seats. You stretched out your arms above you, a small yawn escaping through your lips.

“Lunch?” Gaeul pointed toward you and Jay, motioning in the direction of the dining hall.

“Down,” You replied, settling your backpack strap onto your shoulder. Jay nodded along, following after you and Gaeul. 

Most of the students had cleared the lecture hall at this point, however, Heeseung remained seated. His eyes trailed toward where you exited, and he let out a long sigh. His duty was quite simple. As your guardian angel, he must protect you. Granted, he cannot save you from the petty day-to-day interactions however, he does his best to try and steer you away from trouble. He’s already been reprimanded for interjecting himself a little too much in your life, but Heeseung ignored his superiors' comments. He had not broken the golden rule of all guardians: You shall not directly place yourself into your human’s life. Heeseung would never be able to talk to you, sit next to you, interact with you, or anything. He was bitter. As much as he loved being your angel, he wanted to be more to you. He had such a burning passion for you, and he doubted anyone else could match his efforts. You were perfect, in his eyes. 

Heeseung decided to get up, trudging toward your dining area. His expression was anything but pleased. He couldn’t stand sitting afar, watching as you and Jay shared a conversation. Even from a distance, he could still see how your eyes twinkled with playful mischief. How you smiled so brightly, full of pure joy. The way the corners of your lips would curve upward before you laughed at something Gaeul said. 

This was his life. Doomed to watch over you for the rest of his life, without being able to admire you for himself. He hated it. He hated to admit that he was jealous of some worthless human. A long sigh escaped his lungs as his fingers scrunched his hair into a messy fistful. He shook his head, eliminating these thoughts from his mind. He shouldn’t be thinking about this. He shouldn’t be thinking about you. He was your angel, and that was all he would ever be to you. 

The day went on and you attended the rest of your usual classes. Luckily, a professor had cancelled your afternoon class due to roadwork. You silently pumped your fist beside you, thanking the universe that you could leave early. 

Heeseung eyes crinkled into tiny crescents and chuckled to himself, you were just too cute. 

You snacked on some food you brought on your way to the dorms, humming to yourself. Fortunately for you, your campus was on the smaller side. The walk was manageable, and you honestly enjoyed it. It was nice to get a breath of fresh air after being holed up in classrooms for hours. 

You made it to the main campus crosswalk, impatiently waiting for the traffic light to change. When it finally did, you began to briskly walk. You just wanted to be in your bed doing nothing. You were halfway across the road when a car comes racing down the street. The putrid smell of gas floods your senses before you can even think to move. 

I’m gonna fucking die. 

It almost felt like slow motion. You saw the car coming toward you and yet, you couldn’t find strength in your legs to move. Even if you had attempted to dodge, you were simply not fast enough to compete with a speeding vehicle. Your eyes screwed shut, turning your back to the car as if to shield you from the damage it would inflict. When the car had passed and the roaring engine died down, you hesitantly opened your eyes. You were across the crosswalk, untouched. Safe. You stood there for a second, taking in your environment. This was impossible. You definitely did not imagine that car, nor did you believe you made it across the crosswalk in time. 

“Are you okay? That was close," a voice questioned. You lifted your gaze up to meet the boy standing before you. He had fluffy blonde hair that framed his features. His gaze was soft, and a warmth seemed to radiate off of him. He looks like he walked out of a magazine, he’s gorgeous. You stop yourself from gawking and straighten your posture. 

“Hi,” you looked him up and down. Where had he come from? “Uh, yeah I think I’m alright?” You pat down your clothes, as if checking to see that you’re in one piece. 

“If you hadn’t ran last second that car would have seriously hit you! Watch where you’re going,” he scolded with a light and airy tone. 

“I thought–” You paused. You definitely were not even close to the other side of the road, let alone outrun that car. “I’m sorry for worrying you,” you bowed your head awkwardly. “I don’t recognize you, what’s your name?” 

He can’t help but feel a little giddy inside. Had he broken the rule that he swore to never break? Yes. Did he care? Not at all. His lips quirked up into a little smirk. “Heeseung. You’re (Y/N) right?”

Your eyes widened suspiciously. “How do you know my name?” Your brows knit together, looking at the boy with a stern gaze. 

“We have a class together I’m pretty sure. I sit in the back so it makes sense why you wouldn’t have seen me around.” He explained.

“Ah, I guess you’re right.” You nodded, checking your phone for the time. “Well, I should get back to my dorm. It was nice meeting you Heeseung! I’ll see you in class.” You waved at him before you trekked your way to the dorms. 

He returned your wave with a smile, hesitating to walk away to make sure you were alright. Heeseung was more worried about your well-being than the fact that he broke his oath to the Arch Angels. Surely they wouldn’t find out so quickly, right? There were millions of guardian angels occupying Earth with the same duties. He sucked in a breath, holding it in his lungs before exhaling. It was time to go ‘home’. He frowned, drawing what looked like a star in the air before vanishing.

“What were you thinking?” The Arch Angel gazed down upon Heeseung, her voice strained with concern. “You made an oath, Heeseung.” Another chimed in. Heeseung knelt before the Arch Council, his head hanging low. 

“I couldn’t watch them die. You have to understand–!” He cried out. 

“Silence.” The Arch Angels hushed the crowd. 

“Heeseung,” she began. “You broke your oath to us, your brothers, and your assigned heavenly duties.” She paused, a look of disappointment flashing across her soft features. 

“Come forward.” She gestured Heeseung to stand and come forth.

He stood from his knees, his hands folded in front of him. 

“You will not return here. Ever” She declared. “You are to be stripped of your angelic features and sent to earth as a mortal.”

Heeseung nearly choked on air. “What do you mean–?” 

She silenced him again, beginning to make her way down to where he stood. When she arrived, Heeseung was trembling. What was she going to do? She came face to face with Heeseung, pressing her thumb to his forehead. A searing pain ripped through his body and he nearly doubled over. He felt like his soul was being torn away from him. 

“I’m sorry, Heeseung.” She embraced the quivering boy who now gargled sounds of pain. He had never felt physical pain before. Her hands made their way to his back, running down his shoulder blades before his face contorted in agony. She was stripping him of his wings. He couldn’t begin to process the burning sensation that erupted from his back. He couldn’t even speak. He dropped to his knees, barely catching himself with his hands. He couldn’t breathe. His entire body was trembling and burning. Is this really just punishment for offending the oath?

The Arch Angel stepped back from Heeseung. “Goodbye, Heeseung.”

Heeseung awoke in a daze. He couldn’t move. He didn’t know where he was. He was mutilated. He shut his eyes, rallying the strength to pull himself up and off the ground. His head was throbbing, not to mention his arms that were going numb from the pain. He appeared to be in some sort of school building. Doors lined the hallway with various name tags and decorations. What was this place? He stumbled around, doing his best to act as normal as he could. He wandered around until discovering a room with his name on it. He paused. After abusing him in heaven they were ‘gracious’ enough to give him someplace to stay? He scoffed to himself, rolling his eyes before he gripped the door handle and slowly swung it open. It was very bare, but he wasn’t complaining. Better than being left on the streets. He sprawled out onto the twin sized bed, sucking in a sharp breath. 

“Fuck.” His eyes fluttered shut in frustration. He would explore his surroundings later. For now, he opted to lay on the dingy little mattress. Anything to slightly relieve him of the pain he had endured. Resting his body, Heesung drifted off into a slumber. Tomorrow, he hoped it would be better. He silently wished that this was some sort of sick prank his superiors were playing on him. To get him to abide by the rules. Despite knowing in the back of his mind that it was not the case, he entertained the thought. 

The sun dripped over his features, a gentle reminder that the next day had come. He pulled himself up, wincing slightly but felt his arms regaining some of their strength. He only had one pair of clothes, and near zero essentials that humans typically have. He sighed. He had a bank account on earth just because, however, he never thought he’d actually have to use it. Money was a funny concept to him. He had never had to exchange paper for an item. He found it odd. Regardless, he gathered up his things and set out to explore.

It was a surprise to him when he exited the building to find himself on your campus. He was back here? He knit his brows together in confusion, then suddenly he was elated. He was on your campus. He didn’t have to abide by those stupid rules set for him. He could talk to you freely without consequence! He felt a sense of excitement rise in his chest. He had to find you somehow. He knew where your classes were, so maybe he could catch you in an afternoon class you had. He silently prayed he would get an opportunity to talk with you today.

The afternoon rolled around and you had just sat down at your afternoon lecture. You haphazardly yanked the notebook out from your back and smacked it onto your desk. This week had been too long. You needed this class to be over and done with. The door handle twists and a familiar face appears. 

His eyes meet yours and he shoots you a grin, “mind if I sit with you?”

“Yeah that's fine with me,” you nodded your head, scooting over so that Heeseung would have a comfortable amount of space. “So this is the class where you sit all the way in the back, hmm?” You quirked an eyebrow toward the boy.

“Ah, yeah. I sat in the back row.” Heeseung sheepishly admitted, running a hand through his hair. 

“Well, at least now we can sit together!” You beamed.

“Cute,” Heeseung whispers under his breath, his lips curling into a smile at your sentiment. “You better watch out and hope I don’t distract you during lecture,” he nudged her elbow.

“Honestly, I wouldn’t mind. This class bores me to death anyways.” You stretched your arms out in front of you, folding them into a pretzel and resting your head on them. “At least this is the last class for the day, or, at least for me.” You chirped. 

Heeseung nodded. “Do you have any plans after class?” He wrung his hands together under the desk, praying you didn’t have any obligations.

“Yeah I do! I’m going to a really cute cafe with my friends Gaeul and Jay. Do you know them?”

Heeseung held himself back from cringing at the mention of Jay’s name. He shook his head, “No I don’t think I recognize those names, are they our year?”

You nodded, pulling out your phone to bring up the many pictures you had of the three of you. “I think you’d get along with them, they’re super fun and sweet. Actually, did you wanna come with us?” You looked at him expectantly.

Heeseung never said yes faster in his life. He coughed, catching his breath calming himself to avoid future embarrassment. “Yeah, I’d love to,” he grinned, meeting your gaze with a look of giddiness. 

“Yay I’m glad! I’ll let them know you’re coming,” you began tapping on your phone, opening the group chat you had with Gaeul and Jay. 

(Y/N): Hey!! I invited my friend Heeseung to come with us today after class, is that alright with you guys?? He doesn’t seem to have a lot of friends and I think you guys would really like him :)

Gaeul <;3: Yes omg!!! Please bring him we need more energy in this group,,

Jay: What’s that supposed to mean… 

Gaeul <;3: Anyways, I’ll see you both later ! <3

Jay: Okay,, ╥ ╥

(Y/N): Love you both, see ya <3 !!

You slid your phone back into your pocket, looking back at Heeseung. “Ah, lecture’s gonna start now,” you pouted, fixing you’re posture and opening your notebook.

“At least we have something to look forward to after class,” Heeseung reminded you, which seemed to lift your spirits. The lecture went on as normal, the professor talking for a straight hour of bullshit. You really couldn’t comprehend how he managed to waste an hour of your day every time this class was scheduled. The time eventually hit where students began to prematurely pack their bags and put away their things so they could bolt out of this godforsaken room. You couldn’t blame them, you were the same.

“Heeseung,” you loosely grabbed his sleeve. It took Heesung by surprise, he flinched before his eyes landed on your hand. 

“Uh. yeah what’s up?” He smiled, trying to suppress the large grin his face threatened to display. 

“We’re gonna meet Gaeul and Jay at the main parking lot, lets walk together!”

The two of you walked side by side across the campus. He learned a bit more about you, granted, he saw you everyday of his life. You just didn’t know he existed until a day ago. He didn’t mind though. Being able to talk to you was more than enough to satisfy him.

“(Y/N)!” You heard Gaeul yell, her body jumping up and down while she waved her arms in the air. You giggled to yourself, beginning to quicken your pace toward your friend. “You excited? I can’t wait to try all the yummy pastries!” Gaeul pumped her arms next to her, a fire blazing in her eyes. She had a very bubbly persona at school, but when it came to food she was so serious. There was nothing more she enjoyed than a good sweet treat. 

“Me too, I was looking at the menu earlier and I saw they have a lot of crepe flavors.” You licked your lips, imaging the sweet sugary dessert already.

“Alright alright, let’s get moving then shall we?” Jay interjected. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was really excited to try their cute drinks and little treats. Heeseung stood beside you, hands resting in his pockets. He really didn’t care about Gaeul or Jay. They didn’t concern him right now, at least. He tolerated them though, only because they were your friends.

Jay and Gaeul sat in the front while you and Heeseung sat next to one another in the back. The car ride was short, but the moments where your knees would accidentally touch made Heeseung crazy. He still couldn’t believe this was his reality. It was absolutely horrid that he was denounced as an angel, but he would give up heaven for you. 

The four of you sat down at a circular table in the center of the cafe. A white table cloth was neatly draped over the wooden platform and gold rimmed plates and saucers decorated the table. Even the silverware was painted with dainty gold detailing. 

Gaeul was absolutely going wild, taking pictures of literally anything and everything in this room. She was so in love. “If the place looks this good, I bet the food will be even better,” she squealed excitedly. 

“Don’t eat the whole cafe, Gaeul.” Jay jokingly nudged her, shooting her a smug look.

“Hey, don’t yuck my yum.” She huffed, crossing her arms and turning away from Jay.

You couldn’t help but laugh. Being with them always made you feel safe. The three of you always shared such a carefree attitude that made your school days go by much quicker. 

“So, what are you thinking about ordering?” You leaned over to see what Heeseung was investigating on the menu. 

“I don’t know, do you have any recommendations? I haven’t really had many of these desserts before.” He spoke sheepishly, reading down the list of pastries and confectioneries. 

“I really like crepes! I think they're sooo fluffy and sweet and–” You took in a breath, shutting your eyes. “They’re just so good you have to try them,” you placed your hand on Heeseungs. “Like, you have to try a crepe while we’re here.”

Heeseung grinned at your antics, he of course, ended up ordering a crepe like you suggested. The time at the cafe went well without a hitch. Although Heeseung didn’t really talk much, you sensed that he felt comfortable.

“Hey (Y/N), what kind of crepe did you get?” Jay tilted his head, eye-ing your dish from beside you. 

“Oh! I got the honey mixed nut banana one. It’s honestly better than I thought,” your fork poked your crepe softly. “Did you wanna try some?” You began slicing at a small portion of your dessert.

“I mean, if you don’t mind,” Jay looked to the side, a small smile painting his lips. 

“Yeah I don’t mind!” You beamed, setting the piece on Jay’s plate. 

“Can I try it too?” Heeseung leaned toward you, almost to the point where you could feel his breath fanning across your face. 

“A-ah yeah! Of course,” you shook your head to get yourself out of that trance. You were probably imagining things. 

When you cut off the crepe piece, you were about to set it on his plate when he tilted his head. He looked up at you expectantly, touching his lips to your fork. You flushed, he wanted you to feed it to him? It felt more intimate than it should have when his lips nibbled at the fork, cleaning the utensil of any stray crumbs. You watched his expression change into a euphoric expression.

“Wow, that is really good.” He looked back toward you, his tongue swiping any honey tidbits that stuck to his lips. His gaze lingered on yours just for a moment longer before he pulled away from you, straightening himself and returning to lounging in his chair. 

The entire time this scene is playing out Gaeul is watching Jay. He did not look pleased at all. She had a suspicion that Jay had liked you for some time, but this confirmed it for her. After all, what man would NOT be upset watching the girl feed another man. When she stole a glance toward Heeseung she could’ve swore he glared at Jay. Awkward. She knew they hadn’t met before, but the tension between them felt vicious already. Regardless, you didn’t seem to pick up on it so she opted to ignore her suspicions for now.

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow!” You waved toward Gaeul and Jay. They lived in a different dorm complex than you, so you parted ways in the parking lot. 

“Can I walk you home?” Heeseung offered, it almost came out as a whisper. Was he nervous?

“Y-yeah thats fine,” you nodded your head vigorously, unsure of what to say next. 

The walk back to your dorm was quiet. Heeseung strode next to you comfortably. It wasn’t an awkward silence, but instead a mutually agreed upon atmosphere. The two of you would occasionally bump arms and mutter a string of apologies to one another before laughing. Despite not knowing Heesung for long, you could already tell you felt safe in his presence. It wasn’t something you could put into words, but whenever you were around him you just felt as if you were weightless. 

“Well, this is my dorm building,” you stopped in front of a long stone building. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Heeseung smiled, his eyes twinkling. 

“Yeah for sure!” You nodded eagerly. You began to take a step back toward your dorm when you felt Heeseung loosely wrap his fingers around your forearm. Spinning around, you looked him up and down. Your heart was beating out of your chest, and you swore you could hear the blood rushing through your ears. 

“Sorry if I startled you,” Heeseung released his grasp and hugged his arm back to his own chest. “I was just wondering if I could get your number? So we can maybe exchange notes or hang out if you want?” He internally cringed, hoping he wasn’t coming off as weird.

“Yeah!” You almost exclaimed a bit too loudly. “Um, yeah here’s my phone if you want to put in your contact info,” you fished your device out from your pocket and handed it to Heeseung. The tips of your fingers tingled as his hand brushed against yours in that moment. After he was done inputting his info, he handed your phone back to you. 

You couldn’t help but grin when you saw he named his contact ‘Heeseungie <3’

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Heeseung smiled softly, lingering before walking further down the street. 

Today couldn’t have been better. His head replayed the moment in the cafe with you on loop. He could tell Jay was furious with his actions, but he didn’t care. He was just ahead of the game compared to Jay. He didn’t stand a chance. And even if he did, Heeseung wouldn’t let Jay get any further.

“Oh my god (Y/N), is that what I think it is?” Gaeul’s eyes widened to the size of saucers as she eyed the small purple blotch sitting on your collarbone.

“Gaeul!” You hissed playfully, pulling your shirt collar up to try and hide the mark. 

“No way…” She gaped at you. “(Y/N)? (Y/N) that has never even held hands with a man? Is this the real (Y/N)??” Gaeul kept asking questions, disbelief washed across her features.

“Okay Shh SHhh,” You shook Gaeul’s shoulders gently. Your lips curved into a sly smile before sucking in a deep breath. “Yes it is what you think it is,” the words spilled out of your mouth quickly.

“(Y/N) what the fuck! You didn’t tell me anything about this, I thought we were besties. Who was it?” Gaeul frowned dramatically, drawing a fake tear down her cheek. 

“I just– I wasn’t planning on anything happening! But then y’know it just,” you flailed your hands in the air. “Please don’t tell anyone,” you clasped your hands together. “I don’t want rumors to start or have people get the wrong idea about me,” you pleaded.

“Who would I tell? You know I don’t really talk to anyone else except you guys. So, who was it!” Gaeul stated, referring to the group.

“Okay okay fine it was–” you stammered.

“Morning Gaeul, (Y/N).” Jay appeared from the turn in the hall. You both turned your heads to acknowledge his appearance and greet him. 

“Hey Jay,” Gaeul shot him a sympathetic look, her lips tightening into a thin line. She had talked with Jay the night before about how he felt, and was actually planning on asking you out today; had it not been for the peculiar bruise on your chest. Your weight shifted uncomfortably from side to side. You had picked up that Jay wasn’t in the best mood, and looked between Gaeul and Jay. 

“You guys wanna do anything after class? We could grab dinner at that new restaurant down the street,” you proposed.

“Yeah! That sounds yum,” Gaeul excitedly clapped her hands together. Jay opened his mouth to respond but was quickly gagged when a pair of arms wrapped around your shoulders lazily. 

“Morning,” Heeseung pressed a kiss to your temple, settling his head atop your shoulder. “So, dinner tonight?”

“I’m good.” Jay remarked, hiking his backpack further up his shoulder. “Anyways, I’m gonna get to class early. Bye.” 

The three of you watched Jay walk off, disappearing into the halls. Meanwhile, Gaeul was stupified.

”Oh my god, (Y/N).” She punched you in the arm.

“What??” You laughed, wrapping your hands around Heeseung’s arms. 

“Ah, I guess I got you in trouble,” Heeseung looked to the side, a smirk toying with the edge of his lips. “Sorry baby,” he mumbled into the nape of your neck.

“Yeah yeah, whatever. You should be glad I’m not mad at you,” you lightly tapped him on the head.

He grinned, simply cuddling into you and savoring your scent. Although he hadn’t succeeded in the heavenly duties he was assigned, it no longer mattered to him. In his eyes, he would give up heaven for you anytime. Always.

[c4qwp]

leon kennedy x fem!reader

| a mistake he made that he cannot erase.

📎 tags : angst, female reader, you’re the other woman, ada mentioned, no use of (y/n), cheating, leon being a bitch (whoops)

📎 author’s note : this story is really short, s’gonna have 2 chaperd ig, i cried like a bitch whereas i love angst so thihihi i love it :3

prologue

prologue — a lana song — chapter one

in the beginning, your life together was like a fairy tale. you were deeply in love, sharing dreams and aspirations. every day was filled with excitement, laughter, and new adventures. you would surprise each other with thoughtful gestures and spend hours talking about your hopes and plans for the future. it seemed like nothing could ever break their bond.

as time went on, however, their perfect life began to settle into a comfortable routine. you fell into predictable patterns and became accustomed to the stability you two had created. the once-thrilling surprises became rare, and your conversations became more focused on mundane tasks and responsibilities.

at first, you didn't notice the subtle changes. you two were both busy with your jobs and work, and the routine provided a sense of stability amidst the chaos of life. but as the days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, a sense of dissatisfaction started to creep into your relationship.

your once-passionate love life became less passionate, as intimacy became more routine and predictable. you started to spend less quality time together, getting lost in your individual pursuits. the dreams and aspirations you once shared began to fade, replaced by a sense of complacency.

he was really busy with his work. he had a mission in spain to save the president's wife. which was something very important and stressful.

he never sent you a single message. maybe it was because he was busy or something else...if it was the case. you called him once at 2AM because you were very worried. he did not answer. you called again and miraculously it picked up! you were about to start your sentence with the words you had kept inside you for days saying you were worried sick; when suddenly you heard a...growl? from a animal, right? yeah that's what you guessed since it would be weird if it was something else —

a kiss?

why did you hear a kiss?

'i knew you hadn't changed, pretty boy.'

a woman. a woman voice.

'say no if you don't want it.'

you heard the sound of a kiss. again. it doesn't stop. fuck

your boyfriend was cheating on you. the shock and betrayal cut deep, shattering the trust you had placed in him. you were crying on the phone silently but you finally hung up.

he saw his screen on and saw the call interface in the middle of a call disappear. you heard everything.

he tried to call you back. once. twice. three times. it stays on your answering machine.

you didn't have the courage to see him face to face. his handsome face to discuss all this. you didn't want to cry in front of him. suffer even more. you wrote him 3 letters telling him everything you had in your heart and left your apartment.

3 letters from you

and

1 letter from him

['read them but don't send

me an answer.']

['i don't deserve you. you don't have to forgive me, but please let me talk to you.']

[howlingday]

for most of remnant you strengthen your aura by strengthening your body, jaune and ren discover that you can do the opposite and strengthen your body by strengthening your soul and gaining greater enlightenment. the only issue is now they keep talking like philosophers and reacting to everything their friends do with "hmmm yes very wise" or "hmmm no not very wise" if it weren't for the fact that they were now the strongest in beacon they'd probably get beaten up

Wise Men

Jaune: Mm...

Ren: Mm...

Jaune and Ren sat across from one another, nodding their heads in agreement. Nobody's sure what exactly happened, but all of a sudden, the two of them were so buddy-buddy that they started hosting Bro-Wisdom sessions. During these, they would sit on beanbags they bought, lay back and share "wisdom" with one another like they were college monks.

Jaune: The pizza guy is running late.

Ren: Mm. Should we pay him in full?

Jaune: Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza.

Ren: Mm. That is very wise, but also unwise. Perhaps he is late for matters beyond his control? Perhaps the oven broke, or he was attacked by pizza-hungry Grimm.

Jaune: Would Grimm eat pizza?

Ren: Pizza is a construct of mankind, and they will consume and destroy all that humans create, including other humans.

Jaune: Mm. That is very wise.

And it wasn't just each other that the two would share their supposed "philosophies" with. For example, Jaune and Ren happened upon a struggling Weiss Schnee, who was attempting to perfect her glyphs to match her older sister's level. The advice was... offered.

Ren: Mm. Quit, don't quit.

Weiss: I'm not quitting.

Jaune: Glyphs, don't glyphs.

Weiss: I'm doing my glyphs!

Ren: You are too focused on what was and what will be.

Weiss: I... What?

Jaune: There is a saying. The past is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift!

Ren: That is why it is called the present.

Weiss: ...

The two would then retreat to their beanbags, and begin anew with their "discussions". Nora tried to join in, but she couldn't get it at all! She wanted to throw them out the window. As she reached for Jaune, though, he didn't react at all. All he did was share his wisdom.

Jaune: Your mind is like a pond, Nora. When you are agitated, it becomes difficult to see. But if you allow your mind to settle, the answer becomes clear.

Nora: ...Are there ducks in my mind pond?

She spent the rest of the afternoon on that question. Pyrrha tried to reach them as well, but they were somehow less open-minded to the idea of change than they seemingly preached. It especially didn't help that they continued to off their nonsensical notions as "philosophy."

Jaune: When people say clean as a whistle, they forget that a whistle is full of spit, and thus unclean.

Ren: Mm. That is very wise.

Pyrrha: Jaune, I don't think it's a scenario people think too hard on. You need to get back to training!

Ren: Mm. You're only young once. Once you learn that, you're on your own.

Jaune: Mm, that is unwise. Youth is a state of mind, though it is affected by how one treats their body. If you load up on junk food, your body will slow itself and you will feel old.

Ren: Mm. That is very wise.

Pyrrha: NO, IT ISN'T! Ack! I'm sorry~!

Jaune: Pyrrha, you are too obsessed with the notion of destiny. You must remove yourself from the illusion of control.

Pyrrha: Illusion?! I am in control of my destiny, Jaune! That is no illusion!

Jaune: Mm. That is very unwise, Pyrrha. Look at Nora chasing that squirrel. I cannot make her stop when I want her to.

Pyrrha took her spear in hand and tossed it in front of Nora and her fuzzy quarry. In fear, the squirrel ran towards the school, and Nora followed. Then Pyrrha pulled back her spear, and then tossed her shield with Nora's pancake mix on it. Nora followed the floury discus until she was no longer chasing the squirrel, instead eating raw pancake dust with her bare hands.

Pyrrha: No, but I can control where the squirrel runs to. And I can control what Nora chases after! THAT is no illusion!

Jaune: Yes, but she will always be Nora. You may want her to be a Pyrrha or a Jaune, but she will always be Nora.

Ren: Mm. That is very wise. Very wise indeed.

[ashwhowrites]

Well, it's a little bit angsty - inspired by something that happened to me once, which you probably will be able to tell by some of it. Eddie and reader argues about something and Eddie, being Eddie maybe letting his insecurities getting the best of him again says something like "well, perhaps we shouldn't be together then if it's so hard to communicate with me" or something like that. But it's what the reader does that hits him like a nailgun to the balls. She doesn't just drop off stuff he's had at her house, she also sends back every gifts he's given her, notes, all of it. And when he calls her to ask why, like "the teddy bear I got you at the fair was yours, why do you give it to me?" and she's all "because I don't want any reminders of idiots that turned out to be a big waste of my time." And that just shakes Eddie - like he realize that he may have broken up with her but the fact that she doesn't want any reminders of him or their time together just breaks his heart and makes him realize what a mistake he's made. Preferably a happy ending, but make him work for it :)

-@somethingvicked

It does not have a happy ending, I'm sorry....but the way I wrote him. I don't think you'd want him back. I hope that even though I changed the ending, this is what you were looking for

⚠️no part 2

never proofread

Dating Eddie started amazing. He was the perfect boyfriend, he always tried, and he actually cared. But lately? It seemed like he could care less where their relationship stood.

He got too comfortable and gave up on her. It was like their relationship was the last thing on his mind and everything was more important than her.

She understood they had different interests, and that meant they would spend time apart. But now, it was like he never came back to spend time with her. She never felt so alone being in a relationship before. She didn't feel wanted or needed. And she was tired of feeling like that. He didn't want to be with her? Fine, she'll make it easier.

She didn't give herself time to overthink, just walking straight into his trailer.

Eddie could feel the anger coming off of her, rolling his eyes as he knew another night would be spent arguing.

"what are we fighting about today?" Eddie snarled out. His eyes stayed on the tv, flicking through channels.

Y/N already knew this was going to be hard. And it hurt so much more knowing he was different. She'd walk into his trailer and he'd race to kiss her. He never wanted to let go. He stopped touching her months ago. And here he was, snapping at her, not even glancing in her direction.

"nothing, actually. I'm done Eddie." She sighed.

Eddie tried to hold back his chuckle. A mocking sound in his throat and it made her shiver.

"Oh, okay. You said that last time. What's the problem now? I'm too comfortable? No that was two weeks ago. I don't try anymore? That was last week. I don't love you? Not good enough? Don't satisfy every possible need you have? Not good at communicating? That's what yesterday was about, right?" He scoffed out.

Every word hurt her more and more. But everything was the truth. And the fight yesterday clearly didn't settle into his brain.

"actually, yesterday we did fight about your communication. Did you forget the part where I asked you to call once your anger settled down and we could talk like mature adults ? Or did you just decide not to care?" She snapped back

Eddie rolled his eyes. Shutting off the tv and turning his full body towards here.

A fake big smile on his face.

"you have all my attention, baby. Is that what you wanted?" He said

She had to hold herself back from slapping him. She cannot believe how much of a prick he has become over the last few months.

"Wowwww, you are such an asshole." She laughed, no humour behind it. "You once again just blew off everything I said! Did you miss the part AGAIN where you didn't fucking call me? It makes me feel like you don't care!"

"If I don't seem to fucking care, WHY BE WITH ME?" He lashed out. Throwing his hands in the air as he screamed.

But Y/N had no reaction. He did this every single time she tried to bring up an emotion she felt.

"I'm not anymore. I'm done with this relationship. I can love myself way better than you ever did. " She said, a smile on her face as she turned around. Walking towards the door.

Eddie watched as she walked out the door. He brushed it off. She'd be back, she always came right back.

~~~

It's been a few days since the fight, and Eddie still hasn't found it in him to care. He wouldn't cave in first, he never did and he never will.

He hasn't heard from her since. She never called and never came back to his trailer. But he expected her any day now. Spending his days watching tv and hanging out with his friends.

He came stumbling into his trailer after a Saturday night out at the bar. He could hear Gareth driving off as he walked up the steps. Finding himself tripping over a box with his name on it.

He was too drunk to see what it was. Kicking the box to the side as he walked inside. Walking the few steps to the couch and throwing himself on it.

Not even seconds later, he was passed out.

~~~

Y/N hasn't spoken to Eddie in days but she felt so good. She hasn't bothered to call or stop by his trailer. She caught herself thinking about him, but she knew that wasn't going to just stop. She kept herself strong and enjoyed how much lighter her shoulders felt.

She packed up a box of everything he's ever given her. She didn't need a reminder of someone who made her feel like she was nothing. Every letter, teddy bear, bracelet, ring, just anything he has ever gifted to her. Not like he'd remember any of it. The last thing he ever gifted her was months ago, back when he still loved her and wanted her.

When she arrived at the trailer, she noticed his van was there. Preparing to hand him the box, she took a deep breath. Knocking on the door as she waited for him to open it.

She knocked a few more times and waited and waited some more, but he never opened the door.

The last time she saw him was a good enough goodbye for her. She dropped the box at the front door, giving the trailer one last look. His home didn't bring her comfort anymore, it wasn't a safe place, nor her happy place.

Now it was just a trailer.

~~~

Eddie felt like his head was pounding. He groaned and felt the couch beneath him. He slowly sat up, yanking off his shoes. He rubbed his head as he walked to grab some water.

His hand dug in his pocket for a cigarette, opening the front door to go smoke. Then his eye caught the box from last night.

He lit his cigarette, inhaled the smoke, and bent down to grab the box. He knew what it was and who it was from. He could tell by the handwriting it was from her. But he was confused as to why the box was so heavy, he could not have left that much stuff at her house.

He smoked his cigarette as he dug through the box. T-shirts, rings, bracelets, and normal things she liked to wear during their relationship. But then he saw stuffed animals, ones he bought her, even the pink bear he won on their anniversary. Why would she give those things back? All she talked about was how she treasured and adored all the gifts he gave to her, and now they don't mean a thing?

Eddie felt the anger inside of him. He was just so bad of a person that she wanted nothing to do with him? Like their relationship meant nothing over the last two years? He smashed his bud into the ground and marched inside.

He raced to the phone, punching in her number.

"Hello?" Eddie tried to ignore how much he missed her sweet voice. She hasn't sounded like that in weeks.

"The teddy bear I got you at the fair was yours, why do you give it to me?" He asked, he didn't bother to cover how sad he felt. It was like a punch in his gut. Was she really not coming back?

"Because I don't want any reminders of idiots that turned out to be a big waste of my time." She snapped, the sweetness in her voice was gone. The cold-hearted tone returned and Eddie hated that. It was like the second she heard his voice, she flipped the switch.

"I wasted your time?" He choked out. The hangover was killing his head, but her words were killing his heart.

"Bye Eddie. Please don't call again."

The tone rang in his ears.

This was it. She wasn't coming back.

She wasn't in bed, cuddling the pink bear and thinking about him anymore.

She'll go back to sleeping in her own shirts, cuddling a new stuffed animal, and moving on from him.

She told him not to call, and that was like cold water down his back. She always asked him to call, and now she begged him not to call her ever again.

He lost her

And now he's stuck with a box of their memories, and she has a clean slate.

tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergent @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila

[an-annyeoing-writer]

yandere!Kai x Reader: petty theft. [+18]

Word count: 3 371

Tags: yandere!AU, smut, obedience training, bratty behavior, extreme degradation, sadom*sochism, in case you feel like Reader is high don't worry it's just subspace.

Warnings: s*xual content, potentially triggering themes such as toxic relationship traits, friendly reminder it's a fiction and not what we expect our IRL Nini to be.

Author's note: It's been a while since I wrote anything like that. Took quite a bit of effort as for such a small piece, but I hope to be releasing more content in the future~ Probably a Baekhyun fic will come around Halloween, so stay tunned!

His word was an order and you were addicted to giving up the sense of control. It was a perfect kind of deal between the two of you: him who would take everything without asking, and you who’d follow him without a moment of doubt.

Your relationship was anything but reasonable, anything but right, and anything but prosperous. But it was giving you some sense of fulfillment that no other had ever given, and it was a form of self-destruction that you could take with masochistic pleasure.

It would be a lie to say that it was the only unhinged thing that you enjoyed. Some things you liked more, some you liked less. Maybe it was your toxic trait to allow his obsession to get this far without objection, so you could drink up from all the pain and torment that he could offer.

“You have done it again.” His voice rumbled through the apartment. “Give it back.”

Recently, you felt lonelier than usual. When he would work and do other business stuff, or meet his friends even, you’d be locked up in his apartment with close to no source of entertainment. You were over with attempts to get out or to contact someone from the outside – these never brought anything good.

But you still felt the need to itch him in some way that would make him come to you and take it out on you. He had taken note of the pattern, you noticed – you’d be surprised if he didn’t. When someone steals your wallet three times in a row, it cannot be an accident.

The wallet was stored neatly under your pillow and the moment he entered your room, hand extended in expectation of receiving back the stolen item, you didn’t even pretend not to know what’s it all about.

Without hurry but neither taking too much time, you pushed yourself off the mattress and retrieved the wallet, then walked over to Jongin and placed it in his hand. The man’s eyes were fixated at you, although you couldn’t yet tell what he was thinking.

“Why do you always do that?”

You shrugged, a bit too embarrassed to state aloud your silly reasoning.

“You just wanted attention, didn’t you?”

He could read you like a book, couldn’t he? You hesitantly nodded your head.

The man shook his own with a sigh.

“What do I do with you. If I punish you as you want so badly, you’ll keep doing it whenever you feel like it.” You pouted. “I need to correct you in a way that discourages you from doing it again, right?”

There was a sense of fear mixed with excitement starting to grow within your stomach.

He stared at you with his face unreadable, and you felt like that stare had no other purpose but to make you start doubting in yourself, with nervousness arising that you were not sure you enjoyed anymore.

There was some sense of negative emotion on his side. As long as it was only irritation, you could handle it. But what if he was actually upset? What if you acting up had ruined something within his daily schedule? What if he wasted too much time trying to look for it or picking up stuff he then couldn’t pay for? Hopefully he didn’t get a fine on his way for not having his documents on.

“[F/n].”

You straightened up as if on command. Sensing the fear finally settle in and uneasiness become tangible on your face, Jongin’s demeanor started to shift. From cold and emotionless, a smug smirk appeared in the corner of his lip, and he crossed his arms with the wallet still held between his fingers.

Suddenly, his grip on the wallet loosened, and the item fell out of his hand and dropped to the floor with a thud. The noise was objectively quiet but in the silence surrounding you, it made your heart thump. Jongin didn’t flinch.

“Pick it up.”

You didn’t hesitate, crouching down and picking up the item, carefully putting it in his hand again.

However, the man didn’t move, and neither did he put any effort in holding it, and so the wallet fell back down. You stared at him in confusion.

“Pick it up.”

You gulped. The task was confusing, but refusing it was out of question. You picked the wallet up again and put it in his hand, this time holding it in there until you felt his fingers wrap around it securely. You breathed a soft sigh of relief when they did.

And then he dropped it again. The noise of the item falling down echoed with a nervous pang in your chest, as if it was not just a sound of a wallet falling, but a thunder at least.

You didn’t hesitate before crouching down yet another time, picking it up and extending your hand, although ready for the item to be denied again.

Jongin tilted his head to the side.

“I didn’t tell you to pick it up.”

He stepped forward, making sure that the step made noise on the wooden panels, and that noise was yet another sound that made you flinch, as if any motion coming from him could be a threat right now.

“You know what I mean, don’t you?” he spat. “If I tell you to do something, you do it. If I don’t tell you to, you don’t. If I tell you not to breathe, you fucking don’t.”

His hand shot forward, wrapping around your throat, and you thoughtlessly released the wallet, hands reaching to hold his wrist instead. You knew that fighting him would be futile, and to be frank, you wouldn’t even dare to do so. His hold wasn’t too strong, fingers pressing against the veins but not depriving you from air just yet. But a single attempt of taking a bigger breath made you choke on your own saliva and you gasped, trying to loosen his hold at least a little.

“Hands down.” The command was simple, and you felt tears gather in your eyes when you forced yourself to ignore the discomfort and take your hands off his own. The tips of your toes and fingers started to tingle.

Without any warning, the hold on your throat finally disappeared, and you coughed, bending in half because your legs almost gave up underneath you. You had just a few moments of rest before the next words came.

“Pick it up. With your teeth.”

You didn’t have to courage to look up at him.

Besides, from your position it was closer to the ground anyway.

You crouched down shakily, letting your knees and palms hit the floor. You repositioned yourself slightly so that the wallet would be in a convenient proximity and lowered your head, briefly thinking of how dirty the item must have been, being one of those never-washed items that are constantly in use outdoors. But that was not important. Your task was.

Your mouth was merely centimeters from the leather surface when you felt something touch the top of your head. From a brief sensation, it gradually strengthened into a pressure that pressed your face down into the floor. You peeked to the side, confirming the suspicion that it was nothing else but Jongin’s shoe weighing down on top of your head.

Your body quivered. It was a natural reflex to try and fight against the force, but you knew better than that – the only way was to give in, even when your cheek started to hurt from the pressure. It would hurt just a bit longer, and then you’d feel the bliss of submission overcome any and all pain. You breathed heavily, trying to at least position yourself a bit more comfortably.

Wordlessly, Jongin took his foot off your head, allowing you to finish the task. The wallet’s texture felt gross on your tongue, and you did your best to touch it only with your teeth. You lifted yourself until you were kneeling, and then tiled your head upwards, praying so that he would just take the wallet back without playing any more games.

You breathed a sigh of relief when his fingers pulled the item gently from between your teeth.

Noticing your saliva gathered on the surface, Jongin brought the item to your face, and you flinched, muscle memory awaiting a slap to your cheek.

But the slap didn’t come, and instead, he wiped the wallet on your face, and you pressed your lips together, doing your best to stay still during the humiliating treatment.

Upon finishing the act, he smoothly tucked the wallet in his back pocket, the item quickly forgotten and nothing left to stand in between you and Jongin’s mercy – or lack thereof. His attention, now focused on you solely, felt intimidating.

“Up.”

Although the order was rather vague, you didn’t hesitate rising onto your feet.

“Down.”

Your mind was already hazy, and so it didn’t feel so weird anymore to fulfill the Sisyphean task.

“Up.”

In fact, there were no thoughts left in your mind to even think about whatever the point of the requests was. There was only full obedience, and as long as he told you what to do, you had a goal to live for.

“Down.”

The floor already managed to warm up underneath your body, although your legs were growing tired. But all of these were just secondary sensations, your eyes, half-lidded in your masochistic high, were fixated on his own.

“You like it?”

You nodded, your tongue like a jelly making it hard to speak a word, but Jongin didn’t seem to mind.

“See? It’s so much better when you listen. You feel so good and I’m happy. Why change that?” You sensed a threat lingering in his voice and felt an urge to soothe it, so you leaned forward and pressed your face into his thigh, like a pet asking for that little bit of intimacy from its owner. The comparison seemed very accurate in your situation. “Are you tired, yet?” You nodded with a lazy smile. “I don’t think so.”

The next motion came completely unexpected, the man’s fingers grabbing your hair at the roots, pulling you off his thigh and pressing your face into his crotch instead.

“You’re not tired, sweetheart. I haven’t told you to be tired yet.”

The persuasion took your breath away. You dreamed of nothing more than of succumbing to the drugged-like state of your mind, but Jongin was merciless as he unzipped his pants with one hand, the other wrapped around your hair tightly when he pushed his length into your mouth before you could even take a good glance.

You gagged, your throat completely unprepared for the rough treatment. Jongin only pushed in harder until your nose touched his abdomen, and then held you in this position for a few seconds despite you gagging and choking. He pulled out, letting you take a short breath, and then pushed back in – your reactions much weaker this time.

It took some moments, a few pushes like that, until you finally started giving up again, and Jongin picked up his face, aligning it with his own pleasure. Your throat started to accommodate around him, but every rougher motion teared your eyes up. His movements were frantic, almost wild, and nothing but selfish.

There was no regard for your comfort, and it made you thrive. Your mind – covered in a fog. Nothing felt real. You diverted your attention from the sloppy noises of your own mouth being used, because somewhere not so far away, Jongin’s beautiful, although sparse moans filled the air like a heavenly music that you could just not get enough of.

Your jaw was starting to ache. It was hardly possible to breathe. You were lightheaded and too dazed to even acknowledge your own arousal starting to pool between your legs. Your skin was tingling all over, your scalp – burning, and you could swear you saw stars for a moment.

But Jongin’s pace was relentless, and something about that cruel, degrading demeanor was turning you on even more. He was making such good use of you, his obedient little doll.

It didn’t even matter that your hands were too weak to try and help him feel even better, because all Jongin seemed to care about was that your mouth felt so warm and nice.

It was just mere minutes that your mind barely registered before you felt him harden even more. You heard no warning, but his heavy pants and gasps – the ones you already learned to recognize – told you enough.

He suddenly pushed into your mouth with full force, his fingers holding your head in place as he came hard and fast, not even a taste present on your tongue with how his semen ran straight down your throat.

You gagged, a cough fruitlessly trying to tear through, everything inside of you screaming for relief that for those few seconds was completely unreachable. You only fought for his cum not to get into your lungs or leave through your nose, a desperate attempt on remaining at least remotely human in this absolutely dehumanizing experience.

Jongin finally pulled out of your mouth, and you frantically choked and coughed, catching desperate breaths, careless of his semen and your saliva running now down your chin and dropping onto your shirt and the floor below.

Your hands were still too weak to try and wipe it, your legs felt like cotton candy that absolutely wouldn’t hold you up, and you only bent down, leaning into his leg for comfort again, which this time brought even more peace and relief when you felt him reach down and place his hand on top of your head, stroking your hair gently, giving you all the time to catch your breath and recover. You felt so dizzy and so tired, so lowly but also so at ease.

“Up.”

Your body moved on its own before you consciously registered his voice. With legs feeling like a jelly, you forced yourself up. He must have composed yourself while you were down on the floor, and there was a stark contrast between him – looking as neat as ever – and you, completely whored out, not even remotely decent in appearance.

“That’s my girl.”

The praise tasted like champagne, sedating you further.

“Come here.”

He circled you and put his hands underneath your elbows. With mellow motions, he led you towards your bed and then pushed you onto the mattress. You landed softly and helplessly among cloud-like pillows and blankets.

The strong urge to melt and fall asleep has been abruptly interrupted by the man’s hands tugging at your pants and pulling them down to your knees. You hazily thought that it would be nice to get used once again, although your muscles wouldn’t really support you much and you’d be just a limp doll trapped underneath him. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“Wake up, princess” he mocked, tapping your face – too gently to call it a slap in your dictionary, but not particularly affectionately either. You must have not noticed when your eyes slipped closed, and so you forced them back open.

You sensed Jongin’s hand hovering your womanhood, its warmth spreading all over your skin in a pleasant manner.

You could swear you could fall back asleep, but his two fingers suddenly intruded your entrance, making sure to cause a little bit of prickling pain even despite all that wetness that would make it so easy to accommodate to him. You let out a small whimper of discomfort.

“Wake up, love. There’s one more lesson you need to learn.” The pet names persuaded you to muster last bits of strengths – his words tasted so delicious, sweet proofs of Jongin’s own devotion for you, and what more could you possibly want? You reached with your arms to wrap them around the man’s neck in a loving, albeit somewhat pleading embrace.

“Could I be tired…?” you asked a bit jokingly, but also knowing that he’d appreciate that you kept his words in mind.

Jongin laughed softly.

But then his smile suddenly fell and his face darkened.

“Not. Yet” he spat out, fingers pushing deep into your core. Sensation wouldn’t be so pleasant normally, and it was clear that he also did not mean to please you, but you were growing deprived and just as the humiliation earlier, mere touch of him on your private parts made you squeal in arousal.

He joined one more finger, stretching you out easily with a sprinkle of pain. Small brushes of his thumb against your clit made you overflow with thirst, but he just wouldn’t do enough to quench it for you.

“Please…” You tried pressing yourself against his palm for any more of the sweet friction, but the other hand was quick to wrap around your neck and push you down into the mattress, rendering you absolutely helpless. The position yet again sent warmth down to your core, and you felt as though if he was to slap you in the face at that exact moment, you could simply cum just from that.

But Jongin couldn’t care less. He turned from stretching you to fucking you with his fingers, brushing against your sweet spot so sparsely despite the fast pace that you felt like you could lose your mind. You were pathetically mewling for any sort of actual relief.

And that was when he just stopped.

You moved your hips as if it would provide the friction instead, but both of his hands were suddenly gone. You pressed your thighs together, reaching with your own hand to finish yourself off, but it was slapped away before you could even get close, and so you sobbed in frustration, wriggling on the damn mattress as if it would soothe your need.

It took you a few painfully long moments to come back to your senses. Breath slowing down, the buzzing feeling in your head subsiding, sensation coming back into your limbs.

Your eyes eventually registered Jongin – he was resting his cheek on top of your bent knee, arms wrapped loosely around your leg in an intimate, loving position, so different from his cruel demeanor mere moments before.

He sat there in silence, watching your desperate and chaotic state with a small, content smile on his face, as if he took pride in nothing more than making you this pathetic, this hopeless, in drowning you in your own despair.

Your heart was slowing down, but it would be a lie to say that you felt any better. Your thighs were all wet from your arousal, and everything down there ached with how the pleasure was ruthlessly drawn away.

“Please” you mumbled with remains of strength, although you weren’t sure if your body could take any more of mistreatment.

“You can be tired now, love.”

Your eyes widened in realization.

“B-but…”

“Hm?”

Jongin’s head tilted innocently, although the look on his face held a threat behind, one that you wouldn’t dare to try and challenge. Your face must have displayed absolute defeat, all while Jongin’s was nothing but pleased.

“That’s what I thought, sweetheart.” His hand reached and patted your cheek lovingly, although there was something objectifying in it, as if he was patting a pet, or a favorite car, and not his lover’s face. You accepted your defeat.

Jongin sat next to you as you succumbed into the embrace of sleep, watching over you. Like a guardian angel – although a demon would be more appropriate in regards to his persona. You smiled at the thought.

With a tender kiss to your forehead, he whispered a goodnight, covering you with a blanket cozily and placing the fluffiest pillow right by your head, so you could wrap your arms around it if you’d like. Eventually, when he was certain you were almost asleep, he carefully got up from his place on your mattress and walked to the door, shutting it quietly to let you finally rest in the peace of your own space.

And in the last moments before falling asleep, you only wondered how long you will be allowed to rest before he notices that you pickpocketed his wallet again.

Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed this piece. Please reblog if you're able to, feedback will also be appreciated!!

[nyctophiliq]

Another one, if possible, NSFW for Renata with her assistant who is very serious and polite in public but shy, sweet and hesitant when only Renata is around? Please tell me if it'sok to send multiple, I think you're a great writer and I have a lot of ideas but I don't want to be overwhelming- 🩰

✮ — THE PERFECT ASSISTANT ; renata glasc

MINORS DNI. . . afab reader, nsfw ! — lowercase writing intended, fingering, office sex, clothed sex, usage of pet names, renata holds the reader’s hands above their head, she is very persuasive or about, (not proof read)

wc ; 1,32 k

MOSS' NOTES . . .  moss is really sorry that this took this long to come around and finish, but hope you like it dear 🩰 anon, and that you haven’t blacklisted moss for taking too long

it amazed renata how put together and unflinching you were when out in public, she cannot recall seeing anyone as serious as you under immense stress. you never lost your touch, never in front of a crowd or under the pressure of the higher-ups. it didn't matter if two guys, taller, heavier, and much stronger than you started a fight, you were relentless and never panicked. you were extremely polite, not losing your cool even when somebody attacked your personality and ego, keeping a serious face on and sorting them out accordingly.

but it was different when only she was around, then you weren’t so straightforward and your words were just as shaky as your breathing was. sometimes your heart skipped a beat when she got too close to you, she knew it when your breath hitched as she cornered you.

“what is it, cat got your tongue?” she asks as she leans on her desk, smirking when you tense up even more. your voice is almost inaudible as you stutter, “i... i’m sorry, i am just trying to uhm... my notes are a mess ma’am-“ you try to protest but renata doesn’t give you time to finish and interrupts your rambling with a sigh.

“you don't have to worry about those right now,” she starts, taking away your notebook full of yellow post-it notes, and setting it aside on the far corner of the table. "and besides you can't get anything done by being all tense," you look at her in confusion when she stands up from her chair, coming around and trapping you between her and the desk. 

she looks at you endearingly, her left prosthetic hand coming up to loop around your middle. renata pushes a strand of hair out of your face, smiling before her head falls onto your chest. "let's help you relax, okay?" she murmurs, her breath damp and hot against your neck. she leaves a trail of sweet kisses down to your collarbone and urges you to lay down on the desk.

you watch, breath hitching and heart pounding as renata's hand snakes under your skirt and strips down the lacy underwear that you were wearing. she then steps between your legs, pocketing your panties in her vest's pocket when she leans down and kisses your roughly, swallowing your moan as her hand grazes against the length of your calf.

a little hesitant when her lips move from your mouth to your neck again, your hand reaches out to wrap around her, head tilting with your lips parting to let out small whimpers. renata's full lips glide against you, sucking your skin and spinning your head, so much so that you don't even notice when her left hand takes a hold of both of yours by the wrists, and pins them above your head with a warning to keep them there.

you cry out when renata lifts her knee, a gentle pressure doing little to relieve the ache that settles in your clit as sharp teeth scrape along your jaw. "be a good girl, okay? keep those pretty hands there for me." she says in a sweet tone but you know it is nothing less than a warning. you know she doesn't want to repeat herself, that's why you are nodding your head so fervently as her mouth travels straight to your cunt, your clit pulsing in time with your thudding heart as it peaks out from between your drenched folds.

renata licks your slit slowly but firmly, the tip of her tongue darting into your core to taste the sweetness that lingers within. the feeling causes you to gasp in surprise which makes renata smile, her thumb stroking over the throbbing nub gently. your eyes flutter shut and you groan softly at the sensations coursing through your body, and she laughs huskily at your desperate reaction.

"you act so calm and polite," she mutters against your slick lower lips before straightening her spine and further opening your legs before continuing, "make some noise for me, yeah pretty thing?" you blush at her suggestion, eyes traveling behind her and glue on the door. it's closed, but it's not locked and you cannot decide if it makes you terrified or even more excited. surely somebody finding you in such a position with the head of the glasc industries could do both good and bad to your reputation, but it shouldn't matter when renata glasc herself is threatening you with a good time.

you complete her previous request of being loud when she slips two fingers inside of your tight heat, without a warning, without too many pampering words to prepare you for what is coming. but you cannot find yourself complaining, more like complying with it as she moves her fingers and you moan her name out, your tone pitching high. the sudden stretch is unfamiliar, your walls fluttering and clenching as your back arches up and your hips buck into her hand. renata's digits curl inside you, hitting the spongy sweet spot hidden inside you just as her other hand unbuttons your shirt. 

the grip you were now holding onto the desk under you tightens and you swallow hard, knuckles staining white as the older woman roughly fucks into you. the palm of her hand bumps your clit with each thrust, edging you closer and closer. and the more she pulls out and slams home with every flick of her wrist, the more sensitive you become, your body tensing with each movement. you're not sure whether it was your own desire, or hers urging you to cum faster, but you could wait until you hit your peak.

but after a few seconds of blissful oblivion and a couple of minutes of waiting, you couldn't take it anymore as your thighs start trembling and you cry out, the muscles clenching and releasing at the same time. renata grins triumphantly as she grabs your hips and forces you further down, driving deeper into your heat. you bite your lip hard as your nails dig into the wooden desk, making marks and leaving bruises. you let out a strangled moan and your body goes limp, collapsing onto the desk.

"good girl, aren't you beautiful?" she whispers as she presses a kiss to the crook of your shoulder, running her long fingernails over the sensitive skin. your back arches once more, your toes curling and you whine quietly. she moves inside of you with gentle strokes, helping you off of the drug-like induced high before pulling out and letting you pant in exhaustion, your head falling backward and colliding with the table. she removes her hand from your pussy and you whimper softly. you feel her shift away from you and you open your eyes, frowning confusedly when she disappears from your line of sight.

"calm down now, i am here, my girl." she whispers from above, you find some strength in your muscles to move a little, your head tilting up. you let go of the edge of the desk, nudging your hand against her, trying to get her to hold it while you gather yourself mentally.

she gives you a small chuckle, before pressing a gentle peck to your sweat-covered forehead and taking your awaiting hand into hers. renata offers you her help in getting your clothes tidied up so the two of you can get home but you don’t pay too much attention to her words, rather letting yourself doze off a little.

there hasn’t been a time where the two of you could be alone like this in the past few weeks with all these business deals rolling in, one after another without a pause. you wanted to bath in the bliss of renata’s warmth and the comfortable feeling that pooled between your legs a little while longer before letting it be washed away at home alongside all the stress that built up in you.

TAG LIST . . . @mxyx-rx444 @sevikasangel @pixiegirlz @xthescarletbitch @bigboobslilheart @theburninghuntress @thehollowartist

[loveyourlovelysoul]

I really have a weird and difficult relationship with love. I kind of was taught I need to be enough to receive it, to give it away mostly (people please) and to never ask for it or anything much. To settle with whatever I could get and even be thankful about it. To fly low. I also was taught to not be too much, to not ask as I would be getting a no and that this would have been somehow bad (me not being enough ig), to really do not annoy others or be a bother. And that often I'm a bother and too much. And even bad, so I need to behave well and obey, do not get out of a fixed route that everyone considers perfect and good for me (do I too, honestly?) and make everyone proud of me so that I could feel okay and safe. But part of me always wanted more, never really understood the reasons behind this (yes, playin' it safe... but is it so?). I wanted to be seen, to be acknowledged, to be accepted and loved for the person I am, even wrong, even bad, even difficult. Am I really that difficult anyway? I think the main point is that I wasn't taught about self respect, or I kind of was taught it's something negative, as if it was selfishness (especially boundaries/privacy)... when actually it's far from that. Maybe my caregivers just followed their control/anger issues and narcissism, and kind of unconsciously manipulated me and my need for love to please them and behave properly (so that they could feel enough, safe and okay; judging me while actually judging themselves).

But anyway... despite this need for more, I closed myself off from love. I kept giving it away, doing my best, often failing anyway (when others project their needs on us and how they see themselves on us, they cannot accept anything less than whatever they consider perfect and even then, it may not be enough as it's them not feeling enough anyway). I have tried loving, but it never went well. Being blocked, being a weirdo scared of how I was feeling (not fully being aware of that either) and how I was making others feel, I scared/pushed away many people and others just left cause they couldn't get to give to me the way they wanted to. And at times I couldn't even give properly to them either: I think in order to give, we need to know what we're giving, and also to learn to receive to understand that feeling better. I came to think it was better to love people who didn't know about me, love them in silence and imagine (daydream) a fake me (a better me) and a fake life with them... it was safer: they could never push me away but only love me the way I wanted them to (even toxic love, as I thought that was the good kind of love for me). Not sure this was the reason behind my feelings, but I guess? Anyway there's nothing bad in wanting to be wanted, accepted or loved, at all. But it may be wrong what value we give to that act (or its absence) on us. What we make it mean. If our worth only resides in how much we get and how deserving we feel for others, than that's not good.

But love is something nobody knows much about, they don't teach you about it in school nor at home (unless you have a dog: you can taste unconditional love this way, something you'll always miss in your life after first trying it). Nobody is really ready when it comes to it, we all deal with some demons in our heart anyway. This is why we need to be patient and talk, also with ourselves. It's something you try, learn through the way, make lot of mistakes about, feel weird and unacceptable, unapproachable... and then it's confidence again when you start getting a little back again (but we lose it when the other person gives attentions to other people... jealousy is often a sign of our insecurity and fear of losing someone that we "possess" cause we see in them our only worth and lovability; but why don't we trust them respecting us and choosing us anyway? If they have red flags is it really entirely our fault -us not being enough for them compared with the third person- -and is it really so or just our fear sabotaging us-?). It's too much focused on the outside, on how much we get and how "acceptable" we feel according on whatever social standard we consider we should fit into (we just find flaws in us or in others, if we feel not enough for them), but love should start within, knowing how to love ourselves and what we desire and need, and how to meet those desires and needs. Knowing our worth, knowing how much love and respect we deserve just because we're alive and we have to do nothing impossible to receive it (and that basic respect and kindness have nothing to do with a love interest, very often: we may mistake them as so as we're not used to feel enough and when we do... it must be something very big). Doing what's best for us, accepting only what's really best for us: when we don't, when we only want to be loved (even if what we get is only what we think love is or should be and not what it really is) we just fall into others' traps and play games we may not even want to play to start with (be it in friendships or romatic relationships). And not trying to change others so they meet our standards (the same ones we were taught we need so much to meet to feel lovable enough) or change ourselves to fit their likes (they may be leaving anyway sooner or later, if they are the ones not feeling enough for us). I think love is a meeting of two people working together toward the same goal which is learning and improving, making life less bad and sharing every part of it, every part of them (despite some secrets about our past and stuff we feel bad about are okay to be kept). But it doesn't always work, and that's okay. It only means we weren't the right person for each other. It's not that we're unlovable, especially not at all. We are enough to be loved, even if someone cannot love us the way we would want them to. Someone else will, for sure. Receiving (or saying) a no in a specific situation, of whatever kind it may be, doesn't mean we're gonna get no's forever in every situation because that's what we are enough for or what we deserve (or that we're pretending too much and cannot settle or won't be able to find anyone anymore). Do not make a specific situation something general about your life and/or you.

Move the focus away from those people and remember not everyone thinks the same: being pushed away even more than once by the same type of people (cause we were always searching for love in the people who couldn't give it to us, just because we wanted to prove ourselves we were enough for them -but it's not us the problem...) doesn't mean we cannot change how we look at things (us, love) and start searching for love in the people who can actually see us and love us for who we are. It doesn't mean we're any less, it doesn't mean we're not lovable or that the first people were right. It doens't mean these people loving us are doing it out of pity or because they want something from us. It means they prolly are just the right ones for us. And that maybe we've just learned a little more about us, our worth and how lovely and deserving we are. So we're accepting what we really want and need. And are no more afraid to ask or try, even if things still look deeply scary and we're not really sure of how they'll turn out to be. But we know we have ourselves by our side, and we can survive anything. And being vulnerable is okay: if someone takes advantage of us it's not our fault, not us being naive, it's them not being correct or respectful of another human being. It's not about love or our worth. If we give trust, we're not responsible of what others do with that trust. Love needs vulnerability, needs openness to possible pain. Asks us to not cage ourselves: only this way we can really experience it fully and for real. And find what it is and should be for us (everyone of us has their own definition of love, their own needs and all, and that's fine! Find people who share yours, or that can understand them and meet them through proper compromise with you. Communication is always the key in relationships). And please, find people who supports you and your dreams, and don't block you at every given chance just because (prolly) they want to be the best among you two or because they fear losing you (and try to make you believe you cannot make it). You deserve to try, to ask and fly high always.

[haleigh-sloth]

Okay, cool! I wanted to make it was okay before I sent you any questions regarding the new chapter.

After this week's chapter, how are you feeling with the new circumstances? Do you think the new crying character is Tenko?

At the very end, we see Endeavor in front of the glass window with presumably Touya inside. It's good to see that Endeavor is keeping his promise of watching Touya.

I feel like Touya is at a safe point in the story, I can't imagine him dying. I am sure Touya is here to stay.

Regarding pretty much all the other villains, I'm 0% worried about them. Honestly. Even with the shell shock of what's going on with Tenko right now, I'm still just not worried. At all.

Tenko---I 100% HOPE it's him. I am also fairly convinced it's him. The only reason I cannot fully commit is just because of my trust issues right now, that's it.

But honestly, IF Hori was going to bring him back, this would be the best way to do it imo.

I think the fact that Deku was feeling depressed about the outcome with Tenko means that he'll do something to rectify that. Tenko wandering the streets right now? Alone? History repeating itself? It's almost too perfect of a set up for Deku to find him (instead of someone demented like AFO) and help him. That would not only be a solid showing of how Deku intends to stop history from repeating itself, but also fix the fact that he's unhappy with how things turned out before (I will wait to say my complaints about his characterization being dead in the water until the very end, though I am not super convinced Hori can redeem himself on THAT front). It would put the main character on par with the other two kids who saved their villains without killing them.

For reasons related to Tenko--I think this thread gives the best rationale as to why it would be/could be/should be Tenko. I do think the elephant in the room was "what the fuck is he gonna do about his physical body that's fucked all kinds of up from the inside out". We all sat with the potential for rewind to come into play. Right now, it's really looking like Kurogiri had some role in saving parts of Tomura's physical body at the last second and the other half of decay (which was very intentionally revealed right before he was punched to dust) putting him back together. And honestly, ik people are arguing that "the nose and eye shape are different!" and honestly who fucking cares. IF this character is in fact Tenko, it DOES make sense that he'd look different. The four bloody fingers, the covering of his mouth, the tears, the black shaggy hair, (the skinny bony ankles lmao), it just feels a little too on the nose to not be Tenko? I am convinced, but just with caution.

Then there's the whole "turn a minus into a 0" with Mirio, looking back at the chapter title "the story of how we all became heroes part minus 1". It's just...yeah idk. It all feels a little too perfect to just throw away.

Then there's the lack of closure and follow up on Spinner from the war, and we don't know if Deku delivered the eerie message (implying that Tomura still views Tomura as separate from who he is at his core because Tomura wanted to destroy until the very end). There's Kurogiri's last (possibly last? not sold on his death either but less invested in his return) words about how his friends are waiting for him, that also received no follow up. I don't believe Hori put those things in there to just move on and pretend they never happened. Tomura also said the villains need a hero of their own, which yes, but they also needed heroes who weren't gonna destroy things they cared about. And he needs to be around to see that none of them really want or need total destruction. It's just very unfinished.

Over all, I (and many others) have felt so weird about the last few chapters. They have felt so disconnected from the rest of the manga and from everything Horikoshi has written in the past and even in this manga. I'm kind of just settled on the very very likely and real possibility that Hori is doing this on purpose so he can get one last good GASP out of all of us and laugh maniacally about it from his stupid little manga studio. Fuck that guy. Respectfully.

That being said, if things don't go this way, I'm prepared. But I'll continue to hope for the best.

[ruiniel]

hi! may i request a short fic for fem!reader x alucard for if the reader was feeling jealous (for some reason lol)/feeling a little insecure and alucard... ;) ;) reassuring them there was nothing to worry about? thank youuu!

Oh look, I finally completed another writing ask. Everyone else, I got you, it's taking a while.

Anon I don't know if I got your ';) ;)' right, but this is an E rated fic. All heed the tags

Thank you for the prompt, hope you like this.

Its claws dig deep

Fandom: Castlevania series (2017-2021)

Alucard x fem!reader

Rating: E / 18+ only

Count: 2.9k

Tags: alternate universe, jealousy, feelings of inadequacy, vampire ball, drunk!Alucard, dom energy Alucard, profanity(from Alucard! gasp), arguing, emotional hurt/comfort, make up sex ig, thigh humping, bodily fluids, not in that order

Summary: Takes place in an AU where Alucard is more involved in the vampire side of his legacy after Dracula’s demise. Sometimes that meant attending events of more or less frivolous nature, and he would not leave his SO behind.

It’s late as you enter the ballroom, where already there is shine and humming beneath pale golden lights, and so many people.

Vampires, all of them.

“That’s a large crowd,” you add, biting your lip at the unfiltered thought.

Adrian looks down at you briefly, smiling. “We’ll navigate it together,” he says, and in comfort, presses his fingers over your hand when it digs into his arm. “But we can still turn back, if you want that. I can do this on my own. The ceremony is really mainly for show.”

“Aren’t they all?” you mumble. You want to take the offered lifeline, as being surrounded by a slew of powerful beings for the first time does sound daunting but... But, another side of you finally wants to come out of hiding. If you’ll be spending more time with their knowledge, you want them to see you as their peer, or foolishly hope they could. Whatever that means to them. And if you fail, at least you won’t regret not trying. 

“Let’s go,” you say, taking a step forward and then you’re entering the hall washed in rouge and gold, smelling of incense and heavy hyacinth.

The invitees look both lively and alive in their mirth, an illusion cast about their presence, and one would never guess they are anything other than merry revelers gathered together from all corners of the globe. 

“Adrian! Adrian, it is you, I cannot believe it!”

The words have you turning your head towards a tall figure of soft grace gliding over to reach you. Adrian ceases walking, and you inch closer to his side.

“Faena,” Adrian says, turning and smiling.

You do a double take at the first-name-basis. Faena?!

“How are you? I haven’t seen a whiff of you in what feels like years.”

“... you actually have not seen me in years, Faena.”

You’re standing there and gaping at them as they exchange pleasantries, both shining and youthful and eternal, wondering all the while who this is and why her hand is on his arm for the entire duration of this exchange.

Damnable heart, you’re so petty. 

“... and who… is this? A human, Adrian?”

You nearly miss the question, but look to find a pair of red-tinted irises assessing you. You tilt your chin upward. 

“Correct,” Adrian says, a hand long settled around your hip.

Faena flicks her bejeweled wrist, her flawless skin puckering in places as she grimaces. “I see. Do you own her?”

What?!

But then again, what did you expect? No really, what? 

The change in Adrian’s voice has you peeking up at his face; the warmth in his features has gone cold. “Nobody owns her. She is here of her own free will, as my partner.”

The vampire looks at you anew, a beautiful raven-dark eyebrow raised, perfect lips pursing in assessment as though a gold nugget were revealed to her in a pile of waste.

You’ve seen, heard, and listened to vampires for long enough to guess with some accuracy as to the meaning behind his words: ... and under my protection. You do your best to keep the physical proof of your unease at bay as you’ve learned to do around them for a while now (expression, heartbeat, posture). You’re not very good at it, you think. Adrian helped you practice, to give you a chance in keeping a shred of your thoughts and feelings your own.

“My apologies,” Faena says finally even as she leans in, and without another glance your way, kisses Adrian on the cheek. “Your father’s son, after all.” Her long, garnet earrings sparkle as she turns her head towards the entrance hall, where new guests are being admitted. “Excuse me, I see the Styrian sisters over there. Carmilla looks upset, which is always amusing. I leave you now, mind yourself tonight Adrian, you and your...” she waves a hand carelessly as she turns away “... human.”

You watch Faena melt, a graceful shadow slithering among the glittering, amorphous mass of underworld.

“Not all of them are this way, I promise.”

“No,” you say, wanting to believe him. “I suppose not.” 

~~

More of similar meetings follow. Most guests seem to know Adrian or at least know of him—not surprising. For you, however, the awkwardness continues. And you try, you really do; but soon it becomes clear just how different this is compared to whatever it was you’d hoped.

You watch him on that elevated platform, bowing to the Lady of this estate, a public expression of alliance in the face of leaderless covens running amok and savaging the lands. He brings a hand to his chest and speaks words in a language unknown, but you know it’s a part of him just as much as his human heart is. Adrian looks your way, briefly—or you think he does. You’re overrun with a need to be away from here, from the stares and side-eyed judgment of these people, away from seeing him so much in his element where you never will be.

After five more minutes of listening to the words exchanged, you give in to the urge: retreat.

~~

You reach your chamber with little issue—somehow, apparently, other vampires knew how to make their abodes navigable, you think sulkily. You kick off your slippers once inside, breathing easier in solitude. Attempts at sleep fail, and an hour later finds you pacing around the room, checking a book or other, gazing out the window, repeat. 

Late, you hear the creak of hinges, the closing of a door; the call of your name. 

“I’m here, Adrian,” you say, currently turned to the window. The mountains are white-capped, shining like liquid mercury under moonlight. You feel his presence, know he’s staring at you though you’re looking away, arms crossed around your middle.

Oh, it might be one of those evenings. Arguing. Throwing hands. Adjusting to each other’s expectations again and again, for—

You can’t complete that thought as Adrian throws his gloves onto a tea table. “You disappeared,” he says. There’s something in his voice you can’t quite trace. Worry? That’s expected, though you realize you hadn’t given it a thought at the time; not one of your best moments. “It’s good I thought to search here after picking through the entire ballroom.”

“I’m sorry,” you murmur, closing your eyes. Clearly, not one of your best moments. You feel that tiny, growing weight that is guilt pressing down on you. 

A sigh. The barely audible sound of footsteps drawing near. A warm hand wraps slowly but firmly around your arm, and you’re being hedged to turn around.

Adrian looks you in the eye, seeking, wondering; he smells of incense and wine, and his cheeks are flushed. “Did something happen?”

“No,” you shake your head. “I’m sorry.”

“Please stop saying that.” 

You look up at him, the sharper tone a surprise—not a good one, at that. “What do you want me to say?”

“I,” he frowns, sways slightly but just barely; you wonder if you imagined it. “I am merely asking about the matter, the real matter, with you.”

You look away, shrug out of his hold. “Why dwell on it? I told you nothing happened. We’re leaving tomorrow, we—I—survived the strangest event I’ve ever been to, you seemed to enjoy yourself, and no one fed on me, so what is the problem?”

His expression changes into one of… hurt, and the renewed remorse you feel is like a choking fist. 

“Was this your thought when you left without a word? Leaving me to search for you in the crowd, worrying and angrier by the minute?”

“You said I was safe.”

Adrian pauses, lips parted, baring his teeth in what can only be annoyance. “That is not the point.” His eyes narrow. “Are you upset with me about something? Something I’ve done?”

“No!” you cry, and can’t help but reach for him, wrapping your arms around his neck. “You did nothing wrong. It… it’s something I need to get over. Adrian I—” you mellow at the concern on his features. “I’m embarrassed to tell you, it’s… it’s so petty, really.”

“Try me,” he turns away, removes his black cape, then wraps an arm around your waist, leading you to sit on the edge of the bed facing each other. 

You make a sound that’s something between a grunt and a groan, staring at how his wine-dark tunic bares his flushed chest, the soft skin cradling you at night. “You’re so beautiful.”

The corner of a smile. “Thank you,” he runs a hand down your arm, “We make a magnificent pair.”

You roll your eyes. “... and everyone was so… interested in you, all those gorgeous immortals and this society is so different to what I know but I try, I want them to see me as more than prey, I just… I couldn’t stay there any longer. And, that Faena…” you trail away. “So I left. I know it was selfish to walk off through the foreign vampire castle without telling you. I see that. Again, I’m sorry.”

What Adrian does next surprises you: his hand reaches to the nape of your neck, and bringing you in, he slants his mouth over yours.

You freeze at the suddenness of it, but melt almost instantly and just as you’re craving more, he slowly breaks away. You’d very much like to know what is happening, begging him with your eyes.

“Faena,” Adrian smiles, “was my governess. Well, one of them. She was also my trainer in specific types of combat during my brief adolescence. She has her moments, but would not cross a line. And she wanted to eat of you; badly.”

You groan, covering your face with your palms. “... can the dungeons open up and swallow me whole now, please?” 

You’re drawn closer as Adrian moves up onto the bed, pulling you into his lap. “I think it’s sweet,” he says, dragging his nose along your throat; he feels warm and hard against you, and you grip onto him as tightly as you’d wanted to all evening. “But I’m sorry you felt that way,” he says, unceremoniously pushing on your shoulder to lead you on your back. “I’ll do all I can to support you,” he says. His eyes convey something completely different to his words, and you can’t ask anyway between the nips and bites, and his hands covetously grasping your body. “Trust me?”

You sigh when he cups a breast, feeling it in his palm, bringing his lips over the nipple and breathing hot air through the thinness of your dress. “I do trust you.” You arch your hips up into him.

Adrian looks down at you, running his thumbs along your jaw. “Here you were too busy thinking this, that you didn’t notice everyone else staring at you,” he growls into your chest, and the vibration runs down between your legs, tingles through your clit. “... wanting to either eat you or fuck you or both,” he follows, and you’ve never heard him speak this way—

“How drunk are you, exactly?” you ask with a whiff of bemusement through your abject adoration. Then, “... wait, really?” You process his latter words.

“Drunk enough,” Adrian murmurs, pressing his cheek to one tit, nosing at it. “... but that doesn’t account for this. And yes,” his voice is lower, has a slur that gives his timbre an ever alluring warmth. “None of them could approach, only because you’re mine.”

“I thought no one owned me,” you deadpan, hands running up his strong back, fingers digging into his shoulder blades. 

Adrian scoffs against you, then raises his head. “You know I speak not of your personal freedom.”

He’s watching you so intently your barb dies on your tongue. “I know—mmm,” you sigh when he sucks on your lower lip. “You were… splendid up there. Regal… it suits you.”

Adrian snorts a giggle into you. “Yes… and do you know what I was thinking all the while? While I said the words?” his mouth finds your neck, and a soft bite, a graze, has you trembling.

“... do you actually…” you pause as his hands flex, fingers digging into your thighs. “What?”

“I thought of you,” his hands reach under your dress, lifting the folds and this time when he presses you against him you feel all of him. “Of having you, somewhere in this damn castle,” another nip, a lick at the curve of your neck as you melt and wonder if you heard wrong. “Remember that time in the woods?” he breathes, eyelashes fluttering sweetly.

How could you forget? The mere memory of it has you soaking wet. “... yes?”

“Like that,” he says, and you feel his smile, the curve of those soft lips on your skin, his hot, careful touch up your back and tracking your spine until he cups the back of your head. “It’s you, and I,” he gets to say as you hungrily begin kissing him back, all fears forgotten as Adrian repeats, “You and I…” he brings two fingers to your mouth; you lick them, suck on them, staring into the flare of his eyes as he drinks you in.

Adrian hastily withdraws his fingers and rises, taking you with him and the world is spinning; you end snugly in his lap at the edge of the bed, settled with your legs grasping his thigh. This isn’t how you expected the evening to go, but you’re not one to complain here. Your mind gives way to sensation so easily with him, you think through that stubborn need as Adrian works to unlace your underclothes but pauses as though struck, looking up at you. “Do you want me to stop?”

“Are you teasing now?”

He snorts. “I am asking, beastling. Whatever you wish.”

“Fine, then I don’t want you to stop,” you say, breathless, gazing into his now smiling eyes. “I want… I want you to hurt me.”

The smooth lines of his face change, nostrils flaring, features sculpted in amber from the golden candlelight. “Brave, little beast,” he reaches down, cups your mound; you squirm, hiding your nose in his shoulder. His other hand grasps your chin, tilting so you’re looking him in the eye. “Never disappear like that, ever again. I would’ve caused an incident to find you. I would have dealt death to find you. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” you sigh and tremble, and Adrian’s really, really not the impulsive type. And something about the way he grips you has you meaning it too. 

Adrian seems satisfied, kissing your forehead, his fingers still busy tracing along your silk-covered slit. “Shift your hips,” he says, and you do, feeling him guide you slowly back and forth onto his thigh. “You want me to hurt you,” he murmurs, gasping as your hand cups his hard cock, shapely through the soft material of his trousers. That, you want that.

“No… not so,” he grins, the fiend, pushing your hand gently away though he unbuttons his trousers, and you can only stare at the cock in his hand as he strokes it. “Move for me, will you move for me?” he licks the skin between your breasts before sucking on each, settling on one to nibble and tease, grasping your ass as you try to do what he asks: rubbing against his clothed thigh, feeling the sweet pressure building at each brief contact with that small bundle of nerves.

“I’ll… mess up your clothes…” you moan, but your hips keep gyrating, it feels too good to stop.

“I don’t care,” Adrian growls, and you get wetter watching him pump his own cock, that hot tasty cock in those beautiful hands, staring at you as you fuck yourself on him, timing his strokes with the shift of your hips.

You end with your face hidden against his neck, licking at his Adam’s apple as you move and watch and listen to him moan, as you reach and plunge two fingers into your cunt and desperately thrust. “Oh god Adrian please, I can’t, it’s not enough, please…” you cry into him—and are promptly tilted over onto your back, relieved as you feel his weight over yours; you both moan as he sinks into you, and it takes a mere three thrusts to have you creaming around the base of his cock.

“Fuck…” he feels it just as you do, and in your frenzy you’re both impatient, pulling and grasping at each other as he holds you down and each timed plunge pushes and pushes and floods your cunt with pleasure, the delicious feeling of the head slicking repeatedly inside. “You… are… perfect…”

You squeeze around him, gratified when he curses again and goes faster; and you? You’re riding a continuous high commanded by his hips snapping into yours, by the licks and kisses, of ramming into you so hard your head hits the wooden headboard as he suddenly pulls out and spurts warm cum all over your abdomen. 

You both pant, then laugh with him still hovering above you, licking into your mouth and falling to the side, dragging you to him. 

“What… just happened…” you feel up his shirt, realizing neither of you took your clothes off. You curl a leg over him, satisfied.

Adrian feels your pussy, sleeking fingers around the dripping lips. “I… believe we had a discussion; and then we ate into each other.”

“That’s a way to put it.” You run a hand through the sheen of his hair; he takes your wrist, kisses your palm.

“Mmmh… smells like you,” he licks at your finger, bringing you into him; careless of his disheveled (and excruciatingly charming) appearance: his tunic undone, his shirt crumpled, cock out and wet and drained and coated in you, as you are in him. “Feeling better?”

You nod.

“I need you,” Adrian says as you’re folded against him, his voice low and spent and grave. “I always will.”

“And I, you.” The truth.

“How fortunate,” Adrian smiles, snark whittling away at his tone as he cuddles into you. “How fortunate indeed.”

[witchcraftandburialdirt]

✧ ━━ 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝙳 𝙱𝚈 𝙳𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃 𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙴

Tagged by: @witches-and-weirdos (thank you!) Tagging: @bells-of-black-sunday (for Aita?), @agonizedembrace, @pitgritted, @manufactoredxbyxdesign, @coolrpblog, @leadxxr, @mxlevolence, @deathfxnds , @deathdxnces, @sanguisstella, @kalijhomentethi @steel-and-fire, @chaotick-musings, @thegoldentigress, @aquatic-hybrid, @dethdvncer, @risingshine, @seekslight, @yanlei

name: Robin A. Baudelaire

nickname: Birdie, Little Bird

gender: Cisgender Male

romantic orientation: Biromantic (closeted - male leaning)

preferred pet names: Darling, Love, Beloved

relationship status: Single

opinion on true love:

"Mortals cling to the idea of such fortunes, don't they? Two people destined for one another, capable of a never ending love that transcends all. It is quite a dazzling prospect, is it not? How many countless tales have been woven in its name? How much blood has been spilled for it?" Robin scoffs, a bitter twist to his lips as he recalls the image of Knight and his Pretty Bride, of their perfect union. A sinking feeling settles in his stomach; heavy and suffocating. He keeps his eyes facing ahead, focusing. "Love. The word itself reeks of mockery. In this cruel world, true, heartfelt love is nothing more an illusion, a weakness that people use to manipulate the pitiful. A lie concocted for fools who lack the wit to see reality for what it is: a harsh, unforgiving joke." His fingers curl into the loose lock of white hair framing his face like delicate tendrils of moonlight, "A myth. A story to sell books and make women swoon. A man would be a damned fool to waste his time chasing after it."

opinion on love at first sight:

"Love at first sight… More stupidity. Ha! Lust at first sight, certainly. The human heart is weak, emotional - primal. It can never make a decision like love that hastily; poisoning oneself takes time, after all."

how ‘romantic’ are they?:

━━ Just ignore ol mister soggy socks up there - he's just a bitter little thing. It takes a lot to keep his attention and curiosity, let alone for him to actually fall in love; it will take a lot of interaction and chemistry to work. I'm sure in some ... messed up, toxic way he is romantic; romantic cannibalism and obsession. Maybe once his story progresses and if he becomes less ... that - then perhaps more standard forms of romance would apply. Even then I cannot see a world where a romantic, or any type frankly, relationship with him would be strictly healthy?

ideal physical traits: ━━ Robin experiences basically non-existent levels of lust in Dead by Daylight, he cares very little for the physical and much more for the internal workings of a person. Even in life he was never tempted by the hot sin of desire; bodies are flesh and bone, but what makes a person tick? That is a measure of their soul. Maybe a nice voice - mostly because there's going to be a lot of conversation and I can't imagine him wanting to listen to a voice that grinds his ears. Maybe????

ideal personality traits: ━━ That being said there's plenty of these that are reaaallly important to him in regards to every interaction he has. Robin at his core is a dark empath who uses his understandings of people to manipulate and puppet them. He cares very little for people who let him do this, or who don't even realize its happening; so when someone plays against this his interest is immediately drawn. Keeping it requires pragmatism, sadism, being intellectual and being able to keep up with him in conversation and debate. Robin likes a high level of self confidence in the people he speaks to, as to match his own - catching him off guard or matching his wit will absolutely delight him. Robin is a monster who finds enjoyment amongst his own kind. Perhaps he falls in love with a darkness that he recognizes in himself; a place where the worst parts of him can find a home. Man, maybe he is romantic!

unattractive physical traits: ━━ Less so a trait and more so a habit but bad hygiene. Despite his carnage, Robin remains immaculate - he's well groomed, clean, and he does not smell. As I said prior, Robin's focus on the physical is so minimal that I can't even think of anything he'd be physically unattracted to because it matters that little to him.

unattractive personality traits: ━━ Ok now I can talk. There are quite a few personality traits that Robin hates, particularly in this verse. Stupidity, forgetfulness, being pretentious, lacking tact, childishness, being loud. He finds naivety and innocence to be pathetic, something to snuff out. Robin reaaallly has trouble trying to interact with anyone he thinks of as unintelligent; there are very few exceptions to this rule, but they would never be considered attractive to him. He's also incredibly pragmatic, so any sort of idealistic lunacy borders on the imbecilic to him. Being a ruffian, or a brute too.

ideal date: ━━ I think dates are pretty much ... constant when with him. He doesn't find romance in outings or decorative flair or anything like that - its just what's coming out of the person's mouth and the exchange between them. It's also practically impossible to have dates in the Fog I'd think - but then again a nice joint slaughter is always fun. Literally any interaction is quality time to him since it's all that matters to him. Although I imagine he would, at some point, love to see the ocean since he's never seen it before. But that's a pipe dream in the Fog. Plus, the pragmatism thing, there isn't really time for a fancy outing - it's a waste of time better spent else where rather than preening.

do they have a type?: ━━ See "ideal personality traits" because I accidentally went overboard and explained it all up there.

average relationship length: ━━ With the intensity and depth of his genuine relationships, I imagine its an all or nothing sort of thing. Anyone who is with him will see the most vulnerable parts of him, bold of you to assume he would ever let them go.

preferred non-sexual intimacy: ━━ Yes. Ok but seriously, like I said before Robin cares so little about physical things already that sexual intimacy is pretty much off the damn table and in the trash. That being said physical intimacy lends itself to strengthen emotional bonding; emotional intimacy is the bed and support and physical intimacy is the blankets. That sort of thing. The bed by itself is fine, its comfortable and easy to rest in, but blankets are never unwelcome. Granted its something he'd have to get used to since he never had any lovers in life, and with his role in his Church - had very little physical contact in general. He's so physically starved that he's sensitive, but overtime it'll be fine.

"What is this?" "Affection." "Disgusting................. Do it again."

opinion of public affection: ━━ Robin is a reserved person, and he often won't partake in PDA. Not because its "sinful" or because he didn't grow up seeing it everywhere within his small village - but because of his own need for privacy. Anything touchy or any vulnerable will take place in privacy, or well - given the thread he's currently in - dire moments of possible death, public or private. He does, however, like playful banter regardless of who's watching or where he is.

past relationships?: ━━ None. He had no lovers in life/before the Fog.

[my-strange-attraction]

genuine question, why do you support bi lesbianism? bisexual/pan seems to have it fully covered meaning-wise, and it is kinda reductive to go and try to include men in lesbianism after it was established in the 70s and during the aids crisis. i’m just curious about your ideology behind it.

This doesn't seem in bad faith like a lot of the others so I will go ahead and answer it here, because even though I've explained it already, those posts were long and included a lot of other stuff, so it would be good to have a post dedicated to it. It won't be concise, because I'm wordy, and I apologize in advance for that.

First, I want to start off by saying I am always a proponent of using whatever label makes you feel most comfortable so long as it's not harming anyone else. As much as some of the people who hate me for this opinion want to think that bi lesbianism harms lesbians by saying men have to be included in their label, it's just not true. This is the same argument exclusionists make against the bi label. Just because it can include men for some people doesn't mean that it has to include men for all people.

I also support the label because I think that obviously there is a need/ demand for it despite the fact that bisexuality could in theory include everyone who uses this label. It makes people comfortable, it gives them joy in describing themselves in the fullest/ most authentic way possible. As fellow queer people, why should we shoot down queer joy just because it confuses us or isn't our exact lived experience?

Also, as someone who is personally going through the bi/lesbian is it this one or that one deal right now, I can understand why people may want to use it. I think I'm attracted to both, but I cannot see myself actually being with a man, because I'm just not comfortable around them (I keep making the joke to my friends—I just don't think we have anything in common! I know I could probably very easily be friends with men, but I just never really have and I've never gravitated towards them, so even talking to guys is somewhat of a foreign concept to me).

I use the lesbian label because personally I've tried out microlabels in the past and they're just not for me—as a former aspec-identifying person, I now prefer to have labels I don't have to explain to everyone I meet—but I can see another version of myself who really identifies with this label. And I think this is true with a lot more sapphics than we think, because sexuality is so fluid and confusing at times, and sometimes its easier to settle on a slightly uncomfortable label than to think about it more or go seeking out the "perfect" label for yourself.

I supported mspec lesbians before I even knew I had attraction at all, so this is less of an important point, but it is something that has come to light as I've had this discussion in the past few weeks as someone who now recognizes their own attraction.

Tldr: I support bi lesbians because they don't cause harm, and because I support queer joy in general. It's why I call myself a label anarchist—I just think we shouldn't be upset with people for using whatever the fuck words they want to to describe THEMSELVES!!

[anoverflowingsea]

i don't know why i feel so shameful when i make mistakes

the magnitude is much worse when i've personally wronged the people i love more than mistakes that only involve myself

even after i cleared the air and the sediments have been settled, the words still burn violently when my mind recalls. but that is my burden to carry as the consequences to my actions

maybe it's the years of holding myself to perfection and the self-inflicted standard

the years of not really having external conflicts with people and people rarely having negative impressions of me

do i naively live in a bubble of minimal pain?

i have this thing about when i drive, where i can't allow myself to get too cocky/confident. because at the end of the day, no matter how much experience i have, cars have so much more power over humans so you have to always be careful. they are also so expensive to maintain if you fuck something up. like to humble myself i constantly tell myself, "you have to be careful, what if you got in an accident today?"

and i tend to do a similar thing socially. when i allow myself to relax, my personality sometimes become much bigger than myself that i make over exaggerated statements. i catch myself apologizing afterwards when i'm wrong. and i have to remind myself, "you need to be considerate, what if you hurt people?"

i have the worst habit of overassumptions and overstepping. trying to finish people's sentences for them because i think i know what they're gunna say before they say it. cutting people off in conversations. butting into other people's business because of familiarity. it may sound cute in the moment, but it is quite rude.

i catch myself reiterating all these grey moments in my mind after the fact.

maybe that's why it's so hard for me to believe in achieving greatness. i am so convinced of balance that i cannot believe something that great can happen to me that will cause my karma to be that off-kilter. i haven't felt like i have had a proud moment for myself since my early years of childhood. people say "you don't know how good you've had it until you lose it," and i've come to learn that maybe my tolerable days where the ache in my chest doesn't feel so bad are actually the good ones and my bad days are just the balance of that.

there's a whiteboard in the hallway at my job that's filled with motivational quotes to i guess get you through the work day or make you pursue your dreams and i can't help but laugh everytime i pass by it. is it nihilism? i refuse to believe i have become so. maybe it's just cynicism. hard work does not seem like worth the sacrifice. and i do not even say this out of laziness, but moreso if your sacrifice becomes the ultimate sacrifice, i am not strong enough to put myself through that, especially if you are just a cog within a machine that seeps the life out of you in order to profit.

i wish i can say i wish i could be free, but free is worse than this. because free would be living in the naivete that everything inside of me is correct when that isn't true. i do not want to live in this world like that. this world is already too ego-driven. i already deal with too many people who will never back down to become one of them.

but sometimes i wish i do not have to be so self-aware. it'd certainly hurt less.