#I will make another post where I address the rumours going on about me. some are unfortunately true. assuming my adhd ass remembers to ofc | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

destinyc1020 · 5 months ago

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Hey destiny,

I dont know if you want to respond to this ask because it's about Tom and post Romeo and Juliet. I write this cause there have been so many think pieces bout hisbchiuces and some fans catastrophize, and I value your perspective on these things.

I'm excited for SM4 and Uncharted 2, but after that, I don't want Tom to be a part of Avengers 5 or any crossover until he has success outside of the MCU.

He's too talented to be stuck in that franchise that rn doesn't sound secure and looks to be dependent on him. Shawn Levy gave him praise a few days ago, teasing a deadpool crossover and for me thats an alarm bell in my head because it's so obvious they are trying to make his SM the Iron Man of that universe. What is baffling with me with his career is that he's doing these films cause he wants to, but deep down, I don't think he just wants to do just this. I remember the q&a for TCR for sag-aftra and how he was scared to go outside of the MCU bubble before taking that role and how he was happy he was doing this.

I'm confused because it's not just for money to stay in that universe. Tom avoids fashion shows and campaigns that could pay more than a movie star salary. He could really milk his persona for money due to him being a walking meme. He actively avoids socialising in hollywood or going to parties or events, yet he's stuck doing sequels? Tom is still young, he can always come back to those films cause the demand is high and i dont mind those films but i want some more variety. I selfishly want to understand where his head is. I would understand if he was deeply pretentious, but he's not. I've yet to see him do an a24 film or projects filmtwittwr has a hard-on for, lol. I don't like film twitter, sorry. Very toxic imo.

I rewatched TCR, and it's honestly so much better than I remembered. Tom is displaying an arpeggios of emotional acuity that is so uniquely rare that I didn't even want it to finish. I wanted to know more about Danny and his treatment. I'm not against big ip movies, I'm concerned with the lack of vision, director, scripts, and lack of practical effects. I want style as well as a blue screen.

The winner rumours are giving me hope because it's a risk, and I know Tom can do this. I think my irritation for his existing ip as of rn is those toxic fanbases and biased critics that use it against Tom as a cautionary tale. Don't do Marvel, or you'll end up like him like he isn't in high demand and talented af. Like JE is considered a movie star yet tell me a film he's opened as a lead not supporting, that made profit for over 200 million? They always move the goalposts for Tom and also Z, but that's for another day, lol.

If there's on actor Tom should look for inspiration, it's Tom Cruise. Take away his personal life, an actor who didn't fit the mould for most male actors of that time,he's the only one career that has still stayed intact. I remember reading that after being cast for his role in the interview with a vampire, he was swarmed with hate against him doing the part. Even the author and brad pitt were against his casting, and he proved them wrong. He doesn't have an oscar, but he's still considered a movie star as opposed to his peers who faded out.

Tom is a movie start idc. He sold out his show with just his name alone and an old pic, without Spiderman with a cast that was yet to be announced. Every day after a show, crowds are swarming to see him and the cast, not SM.

He has the sauce, I just hope he uses it now and don't wait.

Whew! Anon....You wrote a LOT in this ask lol. I'm not sure I can get to everything you've addressed in here, but I'll pick out some main points. I'm not sure if you intended this to be a "confession" or not, but I'll just answer normally...

First off: I write this cause there have been so many think pieces bout hisbchiuces and some fans catastrophize, and I value your perspective on these things.

I'm sorry, but WHAT?? 😅

I have no clue what that word means.

I'm excited for SM4 and Uncharted 2, but after that, I don't want Tom to be a part of Avengers 5 or any crossover until he has success outside of the MCU.

Hmm...I mean, I guess I can sort of understand that sentiment. You just want him to not be typecast as a Superhero, or to be seen as someone who can only be successful in action films/popcorn flicks I'm assuming? I think that's pretty fair. With that said, I will say that even though some of Tom's projects outside of Spiderman haven't been as well-received as we as fans might want (i.e. "Cherry", CW, TCR, I personally thought TDATT did pretty well actually), I will say that he's been very fortunate that a LOT of these have been only STREAMING projects. It's not like they were put out in theaters, so even if they weren't that well-received by critics, who cares?? It's not like they had "box office numbers" to also worry about.

Plus, who knows if these films might have done well at the box office even in spite of negative film critics' reviews? 🤔 Did anyone ever consider that? Either way, to me, it hasn't been that big of a deal?

He's too talented to be stuck in that franchise that rn doesn't sound secure and looks to be dependent on him.

Tom is definitely very talented! But does TOM himself feel "stuck" in the franchise? He hasn't filmed a Spiderman movie since 2020/2021...that's almost 4 years ago. Is he really "stuck"?? 🤔

What is baffling with me with his career is that he's doing these films cause he wants to, but deep down, I don't think he just wants to do just this. I remember the q&a for TCR for sag-aftra and how he was scared to go outside of the MCU bubble before taking that role and how he was happy he was doing this.

I definitely don't think that Tom wants to be typecast or put in a box... He seems to want to do other things outside of MCU films (hence, his venturing and experimenting with other more challenging roles), but at the same time, I do think that he genuinely enjoys playing the Spider-Man character? I don't think two things can be true at the same time. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Maybe those just aren't his thing? 🤷🏾‍♀️

With that said, I mean, I DO think it's good to go to Hollywood parties SOMETIMES, because those afford you a lot of ways to network and meet people you look up to, and maybe influential people who can possibly give you another acting job at some point. 👀 To me, it's just smart?? But not everyone likes to go to parties, and not everyone is really wanting to have a persona. In Tom's case, he's UBER famous, so he might actually be trying to TEMPER down his fame a bit, so that's why he prefers not to really be out there. Even his dad said that he worries at times about Tom's fame (not about the work), because his level of fame might not afford him the ability to just go out and do things like that, and still live a normal life w/out being hounded, ywkim?

I've yet to see him do an a24 film or projects filmtwittwr has a hard-on for, lol. I don't like film twitter, sorry. Very toxic imo.

I'm not really understanding what this has to do with anything. MOST actors take on roles that speak to them or ones that they find either challenging or interesting. MOST actors aren't taking roles because they think "Film Twitter" is going to like it. 🙄 Most actors don't even care about what their fans or people are going to think when choosing roles.

They choose to do a role because it's a great opportunity to maybe work with a great director or cast that they've always wanted to work with, or because the story/writing/plot is very compelling and it's a role that they can really sink their teeth into.

Yea, Tom did an amazing job in TCR! 😃 I'm sorry the series was so heavy that it kind of made him go into a dark place while filming it 😔, but overall, I'm really glad that he went outside of the grain and did something very different from the norm! 😊

And the Critics Choice gave him a nomination, sooooo.... Obviously it must not have been hated THAT badly by the critics lol.

If there's on actor Tom should look for inspiration, it's Tom Cruise.

I've been saying this for a while now! 😃

Tom is a movie start idc.

Of COURSE he is!! Why do you have doubt anon?? 😅

He has the sauce, I just hope he uses it now and don't wait.

Tom definitely has the sauce, and I actually think he's already been using it?? 🤔 What are you looking for anon? Also, do you know that actors (male actors) are typically able to have a long-running career in Hollywood and be just fine?? It's female actresses that usually have a time limit on the types of roles they can play. But men can play just about anything for as long as they're still alive. It's unfair, but it's true.

Tom is a white, hetero, MALE actor in Hollywood. He will be just fine! He has DECADES to play a ton of roles Anon. Some actors out here are only JUST NOW getting their shine and they're past their 30's and 40s. Look at Coleman Domingo for example. He JUSt now got an Oscar nomination this year, and he's 54 years old. Idk where fans get this idea that Tom (or ANY actor for that matter) needs to be winning Oscars in their 20s, or doing such huge roles before they've even hit their 30's, as if their time is going to somehow run out and they don't have 30 MORE years to go in this industry lol. 😅🤣

Even Leo didn't win an Oscar until he was well into his 40s. He got his first nod at age 19, but didn't actually WIN one until his 40s'. Leo has been touted as some kind of acting prodigy, but even HE didn't get recognized with an Oscar until his 40's, and he's been acting since he was a kid! So, Idk where this sense of urgency comes from when it comes to Tom and his acting career, but the man isn't even in his 30's yet lol. He has PLENTY of time to do a wide range of roles! 😊

#sorry for the dissertation

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parkminijiminie · 1 year ago

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Can i request one thing to your anons please?

Can y'all please stop with the daeun and jm rumours shit? First things first it was started by tkkrs so you should no there's no base to that.. i know it started from BTS's ptd LA or something concert when vminkook went to the beach and they started it saying jm was with her cause jm was the first one to post pictures from the beach (then later tae posted so we got to know that vminkook were there and before or after them ig hobi also went to the beach. Jk also later posted the pictures from there) and she had posted beach pictures too. As usual since tkkrs wanted something to link jm with they come up with that shit. Then there was something about jwellery too like come on i can show you atleast 200-300 or more idols or celebs from sk wearing same jewelleries idk what difference that shit makes.

Then since the taennie rumours tkkrs just wanted to link jm with someone so they have been trying to somehow put these two together so they can prove jm is straight lol. You can see anything that comes as proof or evidence is always posted by tkkrs cause others don't give a fk about that rumour.

What I'm saying is why daeun out of all people? Did y'all ever saw her with jm? Did y'all know that she has met jm atleast once? Did y'all saw jm and her anywhere near e/o in any party or any event??? Like any connection as having same friends circle or anything like that?? NO

Then how the heck y'all come up with that just tell me once like tell me the actual base of the rumours where she's anyway linked with him then we'll discuss y'alls rumors. If y'all don't have anything else to discuss then go outside bro why even discussing something which has no base? With jk and tae atleast videos and pictures are there from which people are speculating did y'all saw any leaked footage of jm??? Then why do y'all want to discuss??

Literally i was going through jm's tag and i came across so many blogs where their anons are asking them same shit and i was like why the fk are you filling his mentions just because you're jobless?

Like from tmrw i can pick one celebrity or anyone from sk and try to link them with jm and i can guarantee you the proofs that y'all give i can give you same proofs to say jimin is linked with them cause this bs same counter, same jewelleries, same bullshit is wayy too small for y'all to waste your time on that. Find something big and then we can discuss.

Anon 2: Daeun is the girl that jm had a dating rumor with which was made up by jm antis. Knets didn't even believe it and it literally made no noise so jm nor the company bothered addressing it. Unfortunately for the girl she still gets harassed by armys and jm antis to this day. She literally threatened to sue the people who were leaving her hate comments last year when the rumor first started. Idk how people are claiming that to be jm's floor in her ig story when jm has never shown his floor in the first place and jm and her have never been associated with eachother.

Anon 3: that girl is an attention seeker, same as yobi

.....

First time tonight that I've heard about this, but it seems all these rumors are pretty much based on nothing, so no point in discussing them further.

Just another speculation coming from thin air. If Taekookers started this, I'd say it's almost fascinating how they are so quick to point fingers at JM dating someone bc of some piece of clothing or whatever, yet still to this deny think Jennie and Tae were never in Paris and these were cosplayers.

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mcgnussen · 2 years ago

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THOUGHTS ON K-MAG AND F1 GOSSIP

first of all, after this then i am done addressing everything related to kevin’s night out this weekend, so i will not be answering anons about it. there is really nothing more for me to say. it is all just speculation based on an alleged video of kevin talking to another woman in the club, how scandalous of him to have a conversation with a woman 😅 however, to the anon who sent me details about where kevin supposedly partied this weekend: i have no idea how this information, if true, was obtained, but i sincerely hope it is not shared online with people in real time. kevin has had quite serious stalker issues in the past. sharing information about his current location is really not okay. i understand that it does not really matter after the fact, but yeah, please do not share in real time. and besides that, it is pretty weird tracking drivers - especially when they are at “home” like please do not do that. a big portion of kevin’s life is already in the public eye. he should be able to go out with friends without everyone knowing exactly where he is, what he did and who he was with. it is an unhealthy way to be a fan of someone.

second of all, this whole saga has led me to get a glimpse of the gossip side of f1 and i’m pretty taken aback by how serious people are about it. i have obviously seen things on tumblr, but i just feel like we have mainly laughed at it and joked about how crazy some of the rumours are. but to my horror, there is a substantial amount of people who believe everything they read and then they go digging looking for any kind of “evidence”, they also make crazy assumptions based on nothing 😅

all of this leads me to what i have really been thinking about most of the day. i think a lot of the people who has made the giant leap from kevin talking to a woman on a night out to kevin cheating on his wife are primarily younger girls. i hope that is the case since then they will hopefully grow of that. but i had a pretty interesting conversation with someone familiar with the gossip world of f1. they told me that kevin has gotten a reputation as a “horndog” simply for following a woman who either work or has worked for the haas team. this woman posts some pictures of herself not wearing a lot of clothes, but again this is instagram, not onlyfans, so it’s just her in swimsuits and stuff among regular posts. like they are judging his whole character because of that - and kevin actually knows her. he follows a lot of people from haas. women should be able to embrace their sexuality and post pictures showing skin. i hope we all agree that there is power in that. it is reclaiming and taking control over something that was taken from us as women for a very long time. but believing that means that men in these women’s lives should unfollow them if they start posting such pictures is such a conservative take. and in my opinion, it is also anti-feminist. by judging the men following these women, you are judging the women themselves. you are saying there is some inherently wrong with showing skin as a woman. that showing skin must be sexual. you are saying you believe the goal is to be sexy to cater to men.

and talking to women as a married man is not a crime. this is also such a conservative of looking at romantic relationships. are we at the point where a man talking to a woman must be a sign of cheating? that is such a controlling and skewed perception of romance. a healthy relationship is based on trust. trying to control who you partner follow on social media, who they talk to and so on is the ultimately showing of lack of trust. but i digress. i am danish and a child of former hippies lmao, so this kind of thinking is just a culture shock. but i truly find it horrifying that some people believe you should basically stop interacting with members of the opposite sex if you are in a relationship. i have a lot more thoughts on this, but i have already rambled for too long and i am sure no one is reading this far into my little rant.

i know i cannot stop gossip, speculation and digging from happening, but i really do urge everyone unironically involved in this side of f1 to make use of their critical thinking skills. gossip is gossip. as long as people don’t lose sight of that then it is harmless and fun, but as soon as people start forming actual opinions based on rumours then it is a problem. these drivers are rich and privileged and they do actual shitty things. let us judge them based on what they do and say instead of judging them based on possible things they could have done.

#mai rambles #f1 gossip #and this will be the end of the saga #i have had enough of the f1 gossip world to last me a lifetime tbh #unfortunately it seems like some of the gossip people have really decided to hone in on k-mag for some reason #so it will not be the last rumour we see but once again #gossip is just gossip if there is no evidence

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the-zk-directory · 2 years ago

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Has the Zutara fandom ever analyzed this (x) interview with Aaron Ehasz? ‘Cause I really think we should...

I think it’s the only time he’s ever directly addressed Zutara publicly. And, of course, he doesn’t say much, and certainly doesn’t confirm the rumours -- but I still find this video incredibly interesting, especially within the context of said rumours.

Girl (Ingrid): “Okay so, if you could change one thing in the legend of Aang, what would it be?”

^^Starting off with an interesting exchange because she knows what she’s really asking

^^And he knows what she’s really asking.

AE: Y’know, I’m, *stutters* --- It’s hard, because I’m happy with how it turned out…

----x----

AE: I’ll tell you the one thing that comes to mind…

----x----

AE: …which is not what you’re expecting and it’s a little bit… petty *proceeds to go into something else which, while interesting, is not at all related to shipping*

----x----

AE: I don’t know, that’s probably not the best answer you were hoping for but uhhh… MAYBE that’s the thing that I would change…

----x----

AE: but, I respect the choices that the directors made and that Mike and Bryan made, y’know – probably good reasons.

“I respect the choices Mike & Bryan made” does not sound to me like someone who always agreed with the choices Mike & Bryan made.

So, he successfully deflects away from talking about shipping. But then he gets a little bold:

AE: What were you hoping I was going to say, Ingrid? *jump cut* What would you change?

Ingrid: Are you sure you want to know this? Are you sure?

AE: You can tell me. You can trust me. You can tell me. I wanna hear it.

Seems he really wants to hear it. Hmm, why would a writer, who, ~potentially~ had quite a few arguments with the creators of a show in which he advised them about a certain topic (advice which would have evidently been ignored), and who seems ~potentially~ unwilling to speak about the topic directly (but ~potentially~ still harbors a bit of frustration about the whole thing)… be so eager to hear an audience member’s public opinion on said topic?

(Especially when said opinion ~potentially~ validates his side of the ~potential~ argument?)

Just a hypothetical.

Ingrid: I would like Zuko and Katara to be together…

AE: *nods*

Ingrid: [...] because, that scene, where she almost uses the water from the oasis to heal his scar it was, like, so much tension…

AE: …yeahhh

Ingrid: And they seemed like, so in love…

AE: yeah

----x----

*jump cut* (I believe)

AE: I will say, I’ve seen some “fake” interviews with me online from time to time in which… I’ve seen fake interviews with me where – where it was not actually me

“fake”

This is interesting; I actually only noticed this as I was working on making this post. Why does he put air quotes around ‘fake’?

Definition of air quotes from idioms.thefreedictionary.com:

A hand gesture done when speaking to draw attention to a particular statement or indicate that it was someone else's words or that one is skeptical or critical of its use (similar to scare quotes in print media). Air quotes are made by curling the index and middle fingers of both hands at the same time in order to mimic the shape of quotation marks.

AE: *proceeds to wheedle out of giving an answer one way or another on ZK vs. KA by just saying that he lets the characters guide him, blah, blah, blah.*

No one brought up the rumours either. He brought them up himself, only showing that he’s well aware of them, but doesn’t want anyone to mistake what was written in that “fake” interview (this one (x)) as something he’s said publicly.

----x----

AE: Like the question: Are you Zutara? *jump cut* I try not to root for ships because… I have to stay open minded to what the characters are gonna tell me and what -- what it’s going to tell me and the other writers. So, we try to follow them through on their stories and figure out what’s happening and pay attention to like, the signals that the characters are giving us, and then be open to the natural thing happening right.

I mean, sure, this is what a good writer’s supposed to do.

But like, clearly, as the show was coming to a close, there must have been a pairing that he felt was the more natural thing, right? Which one was that? Did Kataang feel like “the natural thing” to him???

He doesn’t tell us. And if he did feel the canon pairing was a natural ending, I don’t know why he wouldn’t just say that.

If it was a non-canon pairing that felt more natural to him though, well…

(“I respect the choices […] Mike and Bryan made, y’know – probably good reasons.”)

AE: So, if I rooted for it, I would contrive something, and it would feel contrived.

Cue Mike and Bryan (technically just Mike): “we always had a soft spot in our hearts for ‘Kataang.’” (x)

----x----

*jump cut*

Last note: I really want to know what was said right before this.

(‘Cause if I was Ingrid, I would have pressed him for a real answer and then just agreed to not put it in the video.)

She’s laughing too. I JUST WANNA KNOW.

#Aaron Ehasz #Speculation #my contributions #Useful info.#I could have also capped his face as he said 'because I'm happy with how it turned out' and commented on that but I got lazy #Zutara #zukoxkatara

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phoneybeatlemania · 2 years ago

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Do you think john had an eating disorder? I never know what to think but I trust your opinions

Hiya anon! Sorry I took all day answering this, I was just out with friends yesterday [NOT celebrating the queens jubilee, but by all means celebrating Prince Andrews POSITIVE covid test even if its probably a straight up lie cause convenient timing, huh. I hope he's unwell though.]

My opinion on this is that John clearly struggled with disordered eating habits throughout his lifetime—at times they were pretty bad (i.e during touring), and at other times they seemed virtually non-existent (i.e apparently he was pretty relaxed about food when he was with May Pang [disclaimer: have not read her book yet though, so Im going off of what Ive heard])—and I think both his disordered eating behaviours and mentalities were prevalent enough to constitute an eating disorder. Disordered eating and Eating Disorders are not the same thing, although I find the distinctions between the two to be somewhat trivial at times, since there is so much overlap between them; to me, the key difference between being a disordered eater and having an eating disorder is all about the mentality—i.e a person may under-eat in their day-to-day life, but they might not be struggling with anorexia as a mental illness if the ED mentality is not there. Both are still issues of their own, but different—although to reiterate, very susceptible to overlap.

I made a post on this topic awhile ago, and although I don’t think I outright disagree with anything I said in that post, I have been wanting to remake it for sometime now, because Im constantly coming across new tidbits of information that corroborate this.

As I said in the post, I think John probably had EDNOS [or Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified], sometimes called OSFED [Other Specified Feeding and Eating Disorders].

More below the cut!

Here’s the definition of EDNOS:

EDNOS refers to eating disorders that display some of the characteristics of other disorders, such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa, but the behaviours of which do not fit the full criteria of these conditions.

Ednos consists of cycles of restricting food, then bingeing, followed by purging after feelings of shame and guilt. An obsessive nature and over awareness is common surrounding food, weight, and calorie control, where restricting and avoiding meals is another of the many symptoms.

Someone living with Ednos may have certain rules about the types of food they can or can't eat and at what times they believe they are allowed to eat. Behaviours such as using laxatives, vomiting, or over exercising are often expressed as a way of compensating for eating. Bingeing on large quantities of food is common, followed by a period of restrictive or purging behaviours. Ednos is massively under reported in the media but makes up for a large percentage of eating disorders worldwide. (x)

First off, I just want to take a second to address the rumour that John had bulimia. Im discounting this argument from my post, simply because it lacks any evidence to corroborate it, and overall seems to me like its the product of exploitative journalists more then anything else. For example, it was alleged in the book Backstagepass VIP by Debra Sharon Davis:

‘John and I were having a heart-to-heart,’ recalled Nilsson, who died back in 1994. ‘Then all of a sudden John went off about how powerful men had ravenous appetites and wanted to swallow the world whole. And he thought that was why he had this horrible problem – being hungry all the time and overeating. 'He said he often fantasised about large quantities of “forbidden” foods. He said food was “sacred” to him and it frightened him. He saw it as “a great weakness” and he referred to it as "a lack of discipline.”’ —Harry Nilsson, The Daily Mail 2012 (x)

If there is evidence to suggest that he struggled with bulimia I would of course consider it, but reading through articles like this one, even assuming the author is being truthful, theres still nothing to suggest he had a purging disorder specifically.

So onto the specifics of John’s eating disorder. It seems to me that John found himself in a restrict/binge cycle throughout the touring months of 1965/66, and possibly before and beyond both these years, although theres less documented evidence to suggest as such.

Here’s some documented behaviours John had surrounding food, that are all suggestive of an eating disorder:

This article:

“John has a tendency to gain a little weight between bookings, and he goes above his natural weight of 159 pounds. Right before a tour, he’ll start doing everything he can to lose weight.”

“…while the tour is on is the best time to reduce [food intake]”

“He sticks to one meal a day—steak and a huge salad.”

“Because of his diet, John won’t look at bread. On the evening of our first night i’ll find myself ordering the sandwiches for the others and a salad for John, plus a couple a couple of meat sandwiches because I know what’s coming.”

“After about an hours drive, John begins to look at me apprehensively. He has hunger pains in his eyes! Finally when he is about to ‘break down,’ I reach into my valise and pull out the meat sandwiches. […] John takes the meat out of the sandwiches and eats every tiny sliver he can find. Then he stuffs the leftover slices of bread into a bag, which I take from him (so that he wont break down again and eat those).”

“[Johns] main complaint is ‘How come Paul never gains an ounce—and he eats twice as much as I do?’ […] John is sure some kind of curse is set on his head—or his stomach as it were!”

“[John] has two sets of suits. One is for when he is normal weight, and the other is for when he trims down on tour. The worst part is I have to take a set of each on tour—just incase he gains or loses.”

— The Beatles and Me! by Neil Aspinall, 1965

[My Note: To me, this article seems the most crucial piece of evidence suggesting John was struggling with an ED that Ive come across so far. We have a document, written in real time, reporting on John showing very clear ED behaviours. The article literally states, “he sticks to one meal a day”, and then goes on to elaborate on John’s “break downs”, or what I would say are clearly binges (some might define a binge as being food-indulgence to an excess, although in my opinion when it comes to ED’s binges are more about feeling a loss of control around food rather then the actual quantity).

Restrict/binge cycles I think generally get under-recognised by people, because the common perception of anorexics is that they never eat, and when they do eat, they eat very little. But I think the reality is, is that very few anorexics will tell you they never experience binge episodes; when you’re under-nourished, its the bodies immediate natural response, and inavoidable in the long run.

I think it’s just such a sad read to be honest, especially the line “he has hunger pains in his eyes!”, because he was literally inflicting torture onto himself, putting himself through all this pain when he didn’t need to.]

“When 'Help' came out in '65, I was actually crying out for help. Most people think it's just a fast rock 'n roll song. I didn't realise it at the time; I just wrote the song because I was commissioned to write it for the movie. But later, I knew I really was crying out for help. It was my fat Elvis period. You see the movie: He—I—is very fat, very insecure, and he's completely lost himself. And I am singing about when I was so much younger and all the rest, looking back at how easy it was. Now I may be very positive...yes, yes...but I also go through deep depressions where I would like to jump out the window, you know. It becomes easier to deal with as I get older; I don't know whether you learn control or, when you grow up, you calm down a little. Anyway, I was fat and depressed and I was crying out for help.”

— John Lennon interview w/ David Sheff, Playboy, 1980 (x)

[My Note: What I find most interesting here is the element of introspect John has within this interview, recognising in retrospect his own insecurity and hollowness during that period of his life. Also it touches on a point I will move onto later, in that his ED was probably might have been a manifestation of his own self-hate.

Also gives us insight into how much his own insecurities were really just in his own head, because very few people would have seen him as "very fat". Im aware our perceptions of fat/thin have changed a lot since the sixties, but even at the time, most people wouldn't have considered him overweight. I am also aware of the alleged "fat beatle" article that came out in 1965, but Ive been unable to locate an exact source for that, or a source in which John makes reference to it, so Im not sure how to feel about that. ]

“Poor old Orson [Welles], though, he was troubled. He goes on [The] Dick Cavett Show and he’s sort of ‘Please love me, I’m a big fat man now and I’ve eaten all this food and I did do well when I was younger and I can act, I can direct, and you’re all very kind to me but at the moment I don’t do anything.’”

— John Lennon interview w/ Jann Wenner, Lennon Remembers, Rolling Stone Magazine, 1970

[My Note: Anyone else getting a little sense of projection from this comment?]

“He was tired of being the fat Beatle. He was really in shape. We used to call John Skinny Head when he pulled his hair back in a ponytail and make his face look narrow. He did it that day for the video and he shouldn’t have. When he saw the results, he went crazy. He just hated it.”

— Jack Douglas, RecordCollectorMag (x)

[Jack] Douglas and Lennon would eat egg-whites. “He used to be the fat Beatle” that’s why there were egg-whites only Douglas explains

— Jack Douglas to NBC (x)

[My Note: Though not immediately suggestive that John was struggling with an ED, we aren’t looking at these things in isolation, were looking at the whole picture, and within that picture behaviours like this—minimising caloric intake, food “rules” that one must abide by—this does suggest an eating disorder.]

“January 15 1966. Wearing their swimming suits they paraded down the largely empty strip of sand and then sat on sun loungers while journalists posed rapid-fire questions. John hated the resulting photographs, because they revealed him to be flabby and overweight. As a result, he would lose fourteen pounds by the time of the summer tour.)”

— Beatles ’66 by Steve Turner (pg. 59)

[My Note: Turner is a questionable source here, in that Im unsure where he drew the information that John hated his appearance in the photographs from the holiday (not that I find this unlikely, but I haven’t found an external source stating that he did). But again, this aligns with his touring behaviours in Aspinalls writings in the previous extract, and as well with Johns 1980 comments.]

“After 28 straight days of shouting, screaming, sketching, and eating28 different colours of ice cream, John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s Primal Scream therapy sessions with Arthur Janov at this London offices are concluded. He recommends that the Lennons fly out to Los Angeles and resume their treatment at his Primal Institute Clinic in California.”

[…]

“[John] is now 28 lbs heavier than when he left England last April. When asked about this, John put this down to “eating 28 different colours of ice-cream” during his course of treatment with Janov.”

— The Beatles Diary Volume 2: After the breakup 1970-2002 by Keith Badman & Barry Miles

“It was all very well for the mind but for the body it was terrible. I wore the same clothes for two years. I had two things: a jump suit, one you do the plumbing in. I had two of them. That’s all I wore for almost two years. Janov was an idiot but he was not bad. His therapy was good. He was a pain in the neck.”

— John Lennon interview w/ Frances Schoenberger, A Day With John Lennon (c. 1975) (x)

[My Note: As aforementioned, I think at times John went through periods where his eating was disordered, though the eating disorder mentality wasn’t necessarily present, and this is what I would consider symptomatic of that. John evidently wasn’t eating well during this period of his life, but it seems an unhealthy habit rather then a period of binge eating.]

There's also the argument that Johns weight loss was in large part due to his drug usage, and I agree with that, especially when it comes to heroin since we closely associate the physical symptoms of that addiction with noticeable weight loss. But a theory that I also have on this is that John might have also been using drugs like LSD in order to lose weight during the mid-60s. Purely speculative, I know, but just a theory I have that I don’t think is inconceivable since LSD can cause a loss of appetite, disrupt eating patterns, and trigger binge eating episodes following a trip. Ive also heard of anorexics using it in order to suppress their appetites (in a similar vein to cigarettes being used as an appetite suppressant).

Something I didn’t discuss in my original post is the argument for John having had orthorexia, which is characterised by an excessive preoccupation with eating healthy food. Ive been discussing this very recently with @damapajaro, and they’ve sent me some interesting sources that would corroborate this. Here are some extracts they’ve sent me, and some Ive found on my own:

November, 1980. John & Yoko are putting the finishing touches on 'Double Fantasy.’ […] One thing troubled me during the all-night recording sessions: the way John would slip from time to time into an adjoining lounge. The first thing that came to mind was drugs, because I was so used to seeing musicians pass around bowls of cocaine with the casualness of M&Ms. John had had drug problems earlier in his life, and I feared he had relapsed—despite all his talk about feeling healthier than ever. Maybe the pressure of being back in the studio was greater than he was letting on. At one point, I happened into the lounge and saw John at the far end of the narrow room. He was reaching for something on a cabinet shelf, and my first instinct was to go back into the studio so I wouldn't violate his privacy. But he spotted me and called me over, putting his finger up to his lips in a signal to be quiet. When I was next to him, he reached into the cabinet again and pulled out something wrapped in a towel.

"Want some?" he asked. "Just don't tell Mother" he said with a conspiratorial look. "She doesn't want me doing this anymore." As he opened the towel, I had to laugh. John Lennon's private stash turned out to be a giant-size Hershey bar. He broke off a chunk for me and one for himself. Holding his piece in a toast, John smiled and said, "Good to see you again.”

— Cornflakes with John Lennon by Robert Hilburn

“And while I wasn’t able to resist the temptation of sweets, John stuffed himself with nuts. That’s how he kept that figure slim and healthy: fighting his appetite with sunflower seeds, peanuts, pistachios or figs. He always said that the seeds were the best for health.”

— At John Lennons House by Rosaura Lopez

January 12, 1976, Sloppy Louie’s, New York City

We all got into John and Yoko’s limo. “What would you like to eat?” I asked them.

“We’re only eating fish,” John replied.

I asked the driver to take us to the nearby Fulton Fish Market area on the East River. After a short drive, he stopped in front of Sloppy Louie's, an area landmark.

— Lennon, The Mobster & The Lawyer by Jay Bergen

As Nanny's son Mike Cadwallader remembers, they confined themselves to expressive looks when Yoko commandeered their kitchens to prepare John's macrobiotic meals, and to surreptitious tut-tutting to each other about his drastically changed appearance. I overheard a lot of “He can't just eat beans…needs a proper meal…he's fading away…he's all skin and bones. The comments weren't necessarily anti-Yoko or pro-Cynthia, but just anti-anyone who got their hands on one of “their” children. When Mike's girlfriend, Linda, produced a bag of jelly beans…John's dietary principles wavered.He grabbed them and scoffed quite a few before being told off, his cousin recalls.

— John Lennon: The Life by Phillip Norman (pg. 610)

“After both John and Yoko suffered a severe bout of gastric flu, [they] went on a liquids-only diet for 40 days. ‘John’s way of keeping on the diet was reading cook-books and fantasising about the recipes,’ Bon Gruen remembers.‘He channeled all his craving for food into these amazing fantasies of dishes he’d never heard of, learning how to prepare them and what’s good for you and what’s not. Up till then he’d always thought getting a bowl of corn flakes was cooking’…Tormented by scents of warm bread during his diet, he even tried his hand at baking.”

— John Lennon: The Life by Phillip Norman (pg. 768)

If you look at the ways in which Yoko also speaks about dieting, it seems she’s got some odd food mentalities as well, also suggestive of orthorexia:

John did not have an eating disorder. Sometimes he slipped and ate a bar of chocolate. His diets included vegetarian diet, macrobiotic diet and, very rarely a juice-only diet. All of the above are internationally approved health diets. — Yoko Ono to The Mirror, 2012 (x)

Its just a very strange outlook on food to have—to think that merely eating a chocolate bar, or “junk food”, is a mistake one has to recover from. All the different diets are also alarming; they might be internationally approved as being “health diets”, but as we understand from orthorexia, healthy doesn’t always mean healthy. Again, in my opinion when it comes to eating disorders it’s always more about the mentality than anything else.

There also seemed to have been an element of enabling one-another’s bad habits here, especially in that Yoko was often controlling what John ate: “She doesn't want me doing this anymore.”…John Lennon's private stash turned out to be a giant-size Hershey bar; John's dietary principles wavered. He grabbed them and scoffed quite a few before being told off, his cousin recalls. Through Yoko, John found someone to encourage this issue, and this probably worsened the food-problems in that they were now being validated as "healthy"—or on the other hand, when he broke "food-rules" he was being "told off" for being unhealthy—ultimately perpetuating the pre-existent issue.

Her own relationship with food might also help us to understand why she-herself can’t recognise Johns ED. If Yoko can’t understand that her own intense dieting might be disordered in some ways, then it’s unlikely she’d be able to recognise that for another individual.

So what prompted John to begin developing an eating disorder?

The obvious response to this is the ubiquitous: eating disorders are about control. When the eating disorder behaviours first started to take over (circa 1965), John had experienced an almost incomparable amount of fame. No ones surprised when a female celebrity reveals she’s struggled with an eating disorder, because being under public scrutiny for such an amount of time would unsurprisingly make you vulnerable to that—and the same seems applicable to John.

But I think as well it was probably a subconscious way in which a lot of his own self-hate manifested. Paul stated in an interview:

McCartney is quoted as telling Billboard: “[John] didn’t say, ‘I’m now fat and I’m feeling miserable.’ He said, ‘When I was younger, so much younger than today.’ In other words, he blustered his way through. We all felt the same way.”

“Looking back on it, John was always looking for help. He had [a paranoia] that people died when he was around. His father left home when John was three, the uncle he lived with died in later, then his mother died. I think John’s whole life was a cry for help.” — Paul McCartney in interview with Billboard (x)

It’ll come as a surprise to no one for me to say that John struggled with intense insecurities for the majority of his life, and so for him to use his physical appearance as a vessel to channel all his self-hate would make sense. As Jack Douglas said, ‘he was tired of being the fat Beatle’: tired of being judged, disliked, scrutinised. Or, thats my speculation at least.

Conclusion:

I don’t know the extent to which John struggled with an eating disorder/disordered eating, although it was a pretty well-documented issue of his.

To me it seems the initial problem was binging, which then turned into restriction/anorexia as a response to “fix” his weight gain, and then a restrict/binge cycle.

In later years, I think he probably still struggled with this to some degree, although I think the issue became less about how much the food intake was, and more about what the intake was—effectively meaning, I think his anorexia unravelled into orthorexia. There was likely an element of enabling one another’s behaviours between John and Yoko here, and Yoko's own relationship with food likely encouraged John's pre-existing unhealthy patterns and mentalities.

I don’t think his eating disorder was prevalent at all times, since theres plenty of examples of John eating pretty normally with others, but that his eating disorder didn’t exist all of the time doesn’t really negate the argument that it did exist, because eating disorders aren’t necessarily linear. A person can go through countless phases of relapses and recovery throughout their life.

Anyway, as I say, Im constantly coming across new little pieces of evidence on this subject, so this post is far from comprehensive. But these are all some of the key things that immediately came to mind for me! If anyone has any further thoughts they’d like to share lmk :)

#cw eating disorders #lol im glad you like my opinions anon #even if ive taken 2 days to respond ://///#johns psyche #john lennon ED #beatles #beatles psychology #john and yoko #asks #anon #john lennon #beatles books #quotes

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clairecrive · 4 years ago

Note

can u make a nikolai x reader based on the song mr perfectly fine by taylor swift?

Mr Perfectly fine

A/n: Ahh, thank to you friend, I've been jamming to this song every day lmao Hope I've done it justice x Also, I've left out some parts of the lyrics to make it better fit the story.

(if you want, you can add yourself to my taglist here)

for my other masterlists, you can find them on my navigation page

Word count: more than 7K (ikik it took a life of his own, what can I say)

Warnings: bit of fluff, angst (like a lot), character's death, spoiler if you haven't read Siege and Storm

Tagging: @jupiterandbutterflies (Thank you so much for your comment! I saw it and it made my day✨)

(I don't remember where I took this from so if you know pls lmk)

Most people knew of Nikolai Lanstov. He was a prince, the second born and the most charming. Most people knew him thanks to the countless rumours that went around at court: supposedly he was not of royal blood. "Sobachka" was what they called him.

No matter how though, everyone knew of the last Lanstov prince. But very little knew him.

Meeting him wasn't difficult. Since he had been of age, Nikolai had always been out of the Grand Palace and among people. He’d also volunteered to enlist in the first army, refusing any kind of special treatment and fought beside his brothers in arms in the infantry. That was part of the reason why everyone outside the court loved him so much.

Being Grisha meant that fighting in the Second Army was mandatory. Not that you minded. There was nothing you wanted more for your people than to finally be free. Also, that Shadow Fold needed to go and as the Darkling has always said, all efforts are necessary.

That’s how you met Nikolai the first time. Generally, the First and the Second Army were stationed in different parts of the campsite. Numerous quarrels between oprichniki and Grisha had rendered the separation necessary. However, you never liked crowds much and living in the Little Palace meant that you were always surrounded by people. So, every chance you had to draw away and be by yourself for a while, you took it. Also, being a Healer meant that you’d spent more time in your assigned tent taking care of soldiers than among them.

Word had gone around that everyone in need could come to you. Usually, you had been instructed by the Darkling that your powers were reserved for Grisha. However, what good was it to have the ability to cure people and only take care of a selected few that very rarely got seriously injured? Meanwhile, soldiers of the First Army often suffered from severe injuries, fatal gunshots or knife wounds. You could help them and possibly save their lives so why shouldn’t you?

That was why Nikolai found you one night. Sure at that point it was just another nameless soldier to you. He had never been in your tent before so you had never seen his face before. The boy whose arm he had draped on his shoulders though, was a usual visitor of yours.

“Oh, Petyr, what happened this time?” gesturing to his blond friend to lay him down on the table, you started gathering everything you needed. Not that you needed much but you had found out that Petyr was absolutely incapable of bearing having his bones or injuries in general repaired without having some kind of pain reliever before.

After a few tries, you came up with a herbal composition that dulled the pain but didn’t make him unconscious. Using kvas would mean that Petyr would be knocked out for a couple of hours. That would put him in trouble with his superiors.

“He’s a fool, that’s what happened.” The explanation came from his friend after he put him down gently. Despite his words, you could hear in his tone worry and guilt?

“If saving your life makes me a fool then go ahead and call me one,” Petyr huffed in pain.

“Who knew you were so brave, uh?” After quickly shredding the herbs you needed, you poured hot water on it and brought the cup to Petyr’s lips while helping him keep his head up.

“He’s the bravest of us all,”

“If I knew it took a bullet wound to make you hand out compliments so easily, I would have done it sooner.” Scoffed Petyr after sending you a thankful look.

“See? What did I tell you? A fool,” his friend said dramatically and you smiled amused at their playful banter.

“Let’s see what we’re dealing with, shall we?” You said out loud to warn both Petyr and his friend. Letting them know what was about to happen was best, your experience taught you. Both for the person on the table that could brace themselves for what was about to happen and for the person with him that was filled with worry and cautiousness. Oprichniki didn’t trust Grisha that much.

After assessing the damage, you let out a relieved sigh as the bullet had gotten through and it had not hit any major artery. It had already got infected though, so you knew it would be a painful one to treat.

“So, did you receive any letters lately, Pety?” You ask, suggestively wiggling your eyebrows while your hands cover the wound. You had your eyes closed to better focus but you were sure that he had rolled his eyes.

“Only from my mum.”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t write her back,” you said, opening your eye just in time to send him a glare.

“Ugh, not this again, y/n, please. Have mercy on me, I’m bleeding all over the table.” Petyr moaned making his friend snicker.

“You’re not bleeding all over the table and if you didn’t notice, I’m already taking care of you, am I not? That doesn’t excuse you for being an idiot, though.”

“Are you two in cahoots or something? It’s not fair. Wounded man over here.”

“Oh shut up.” Both you and his blond friend said at the same time. Petyr moaned once again and you sent a little amused smile to the blondie.

“Should I leave you with a cool battle scar? Maybe acting like a war hero will give you the balls to write to her.” You harmlessly threatened him but your hands were already reconnecting the tissue of his skin without letting it scar.

“I’ve told you, y/n. She deserves better than what I can give her. I am, who knows if I even make it home? I’d be only stringing her along.” Now Petyr was dead serious. It was true, you had talked about this often since he was a regular you got to know him better and he had soon told you about his sweet Katia.

While his friend chanted “fool” like a mantra in the background, you took his bloodied hand in yours, his wound fully healed.

“Petyr, how do you think she’s gonna react when she learns that there hasn’t been any delay to her letters but you’re just ignoring her? Besides, you should let her make this decision too. Who knows, she’ll surprise you.” Squeezing his hand you turned to let your words settle and to put away your utensils. You knew you had given him so much food for thought so you didn’t address the subject anymore. His friend helped him off the table and that’s when you noticed that he was injured too. He had a pretty nasty cut on his lower lip and there was already a bruise forming on his temple.

“Petyr, you can sit on my chair while I take care of your friend. You should be fine but for at least a while don’t stress your body.”

Mentally making a list of the things you need to tend to this kind of wound and where you kept them, you started collecting before heading back to them.

Petyr had sat down but his friend was still standing.

“You don’t have to lie down if you don’t want to, but unless you don’t want me to go take a ladder or something, it would be best if you sat on the table.” You gave him your best reassuring smile as you mixed the healing paste. Sometimes, men didn’t like to put themselves in a vulnerable position with someone they didn’t know and had learned to fear. He wasn’t that badly hurt and it would only take a couple of seconds to fix but not every oprichniki was comfortable with being healed by Grisha power. So the paste would do your job for you. It would take longer, sure and it would also sting a lot more but at least he’d be healed at last.

After looking at you for a little while, the blond man did as you instructed, giving you a dazzling smile in return when you settled between his legs to fix his cut.

“The name is Nikolai or handsome if you prefer.” It was not the first time a wounded soldier tried to flirt with you. IT didn’t bother you, you found them amusing more than anything and you knew it was the allure of someone taking care of them speaking more than any real interest.

“Let’s hope you won’t be around here much for me to learn your name.”

“I’ll have to find another way to make myself unforgettable then.” He winked at you before hopping off the table.

You didn’t address his words, only gave them the paste you had prepared. It would prevent any wound from being infected and would be able to cure small cuts and bruises if applied for a couple of days. With that, you sent them both on their way. Petyr waving you goodbye while Nikolai sent you another wink.

And so this was how it all started.

Mr. "Perfect face"

Mr. "Here to stay"

Mr. "Looked me in the eye and told me you would never go away"

Everything was right

Despite your fellow Grisha, military life could be a bit alienating. Which sounded like a paradox, sure, but everyone had their own way of processing trauma and emotions and of course there were plenty of those during the war. If the best way to come to terms with everything that happened was to distance yourself from others and try to find the solution in solitude, it could get to the point where you’d feel alone in a room full of people.

To get a little respite, you’d usually go on a long walk or resort to stargaze. Sometimes, depending on where you were posted, it wasn’t safe to leave the campsite. So, that’s how Nikolai found you one night. Even he had to take a breather once in a while. Being a different version of yourself based on who you’re interlocutor was must be exhausting. Of course, you didn’t know this. You knew nothing about Nikolai at that point if not that he was Petyr’s friend and a socialite, according to other soldiers.

He seemed to be at the centre of gossip no matter what group of people you found yourself with and there also seemed to be a consensus about him. Everyone liked him. Even if it was rare for some Grisha to appreciate oprichniki, you knew they somewhat respected him because if they didn’t praise him out loud, they didn’t speak ill of him either.

“Not a fan of crowds, are you?” he announced his presence before sitting down beside you.

“I love them, I really do. It’s just that sometimes it gets too much.”

“Yeah, I know how you feel.”

“You do? Everyone seems to think you’re a socialite.”

“It’s what I want them to think but alas, I enjoy being more complex and multifaceted than that.” He lightly bumped your shoulder with his, eyes aflame with mischief.

“I bet.” you simply smirked. Despite how everyone seemed to think they knew him, you got the peculiar vibe from him, like there was a lot more to him than what he let everyone see.

“No one seems to know much about you.”

“Maybe you’ve talked to the wrong people.”

“Well, then I guess it’s better if I got straight to the source, don’t you think?”

“That will surely be a better start. Not sure you’ll find what you’re looking for though.”

“We’ll see.”

That night had been the first of many. It had become a sort of an unspoken arrangement between the two of you. While it didn’t last long, you sensed that you got to know him better than everyone. There was something about late nights meetings under the stars that prompted deep and meaningful conversations. It wasn’t hard to form a solid bond with him after a few nights.

The conversations weren’t always personal in the conventional sense. You’d often stray and talk about the most bizarre things. Like why something had the name it had or how cool it’d be if it was possible to pass through surfaces, which led to imagine all the uncomfortable situations one could find themselves in if they were to simply go into a room through its wall.

Nikolai was witty, overly confident and ambitious and he knew a lot of things. You always wondered how he had learned them since he was so young and been in the army for a couple of years already. But Nikolai was never too forward on certain topics, his family and childhood being some of those. You understood, those were sore subjects for you too. So you never insisted. It was much more interesting to listen to him rumble about impossible future projects of his, like a flying ship.

"When people say impossible, they usually mean improbable." He’d say whenever you’d point it out to him. Somehow, despite the absolute absurdity of them, the sheer confidence that he seemed to constantly exude, made you consider the possibility of his success.

You got the distinct feeling that there was nothing this man couldn’t do.

But that was when I got to know Mr. "Change of heart"

Mr. "Leaves me all alone," I fall apart

It takes everything in me just to get up each day

But it's wonderful to see that you're okay

But, alas, as all things do, these encounters of yours also got to an end. You knew it would happen, you were both soldiers so your lives were both heavily characterised by uncertainty after all. However, you were not prepared for it to end so abruptly though. And without an apparent reason. Because Nikolai’s unit hadn’t been posted elsewhere and he hadn’t been fatally wounded. You would have heard of it were that the case. But it wasn’t.

You thought that he had come to cherish your nightly encounters too. Some of those had been full of his promises. How he’d love for you to be around when he’d eventually find the time to work on his ideas. How you had been a nice surprise, a most interesting person among so many dull idiots you were surrounded by every day. How he’d come to value your opinions and presence in his life and that he was going to find a way to make sure that that would never change. Promises that turned to be empty.

You had never allowed yourself to fully believe him. It wasn’t the first time that a boy had made the same kind of promises but Nikolai looked sincere. Honest enough to be believable. But, of course, you had been wrong.

You didn’t realise just how much you had come to rely on him until he was gone. You tried to keep your mind off him and luckily the perfect distraction came your way. The Darkling had scheduled an attack on the enemy’s army and had posted you to be on the field to take care of everyone promptly. You had never been more grateful to the man, even after he had given her a home and a purpose.

Ever since your first encounter with Nikolai, you had thought it had been a blessing. However, you had soon changed your mind and now considered a curse more than anything. Why? Because as soon as you got to the field you couldn’t help but scour the troops for a familiar mop of blond hair. Many looked like him and being this far you couldn’t be sure that he wasn’t one of them but you certainly despised the leap your heart made every time though. That was a distraction you couldn’t afford. Besides, it wasn’t smart to let your heart get involved in times of war.

The battle began, Inferni and Squallers were working together to impair the enemy’s visual so they couldn’t shoot or use their cannons while the First Army marched after them to swap in as soon as the air cleared to catch the enemy by surprise. While your role wasn’t active per se, you were a Corporalki after all, and even if you had been specifically trained as Healer, you had also got one of your friends to teach you the basics of an Heartrender’s work. You weren’t a powerful one but you could hold your ground in a fight. Especially since they weren’t expecting you. And you were still far from any real threat.

The battle dragged on and soon there were wounded soldiers that needed your attention. You hated this kind of work, it was messy and dirty and had to be quick because spending too much time on one soldier could mean dooming another to death. You were accustomed to it by now and soon found a rhythm focusing on ensuring everyone’s survival and not bothering with the aesthetic side of healing. That could be taken care of later if they wanted to.

As soon as your eyes fell onto a crouched figure you sprinted towards them. It was dirty and you didn’t recognize them but you got the feeling it was a life or death situation. Oh, how you wanted to be wrong.

The person crouching turned out to be Nikolai and he wasn’t alone. He was kneeling beside someone, Petyr.

“Where are you hurt?” you hurriedly asked as you tried to assess the damage. His uniform was dirty and full of blood but you couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. Trying to answer you, Petyr opened his mouth only to let out the most gruesome gurgling sound as his respiratory tract was flooded by blood.

“He got shot in the gut.” Nikolai offered.

“Is the bullet still inside?” Opening his uniform jacket you tore a piece from his shirt to use it to put pressure on the wound.

“It’s too late,” Nikolai uttered.

“No.” You strongly refused as you removed the cloth and focused on the wound. His heart was straightening and he had already lost a lot of blood. If the bullet was still inside that it was going to be a problem, if it wasn’t then you still had a fighting chance.

“I removed it earlier.” So that was why he had lost so much blood. Nodding your head to show that you had heard him, you set out to stop the internal bleeding. Slowing his heartbeat so that it was pumping less blood and thus eased your endeavour. You were still in the middle of the field and while you were keeping up with the warfare but in the back of your mind, you registered the sounds of screaming and of gunshots getting closer. A bullet hit you in the shoulder propelling you forward over Petyr’s body. Grisha’s kefta were bulletproof so you weren’t worried for your incolumity but for the harsh movement you had made.

Leaning back, you heard Nikolai calling for you but your eyes were trained on Petyr. You tried to listen for his heartbeat but could only hear two instead of three. Nikolai, who had never left your side, immediately understood what had happened by the fall of your shoulders and the tensing of your hands.

He kept calling for you but the only thing you could focus on was that you had let your friend down. Now there will be one more family crying for a loss, another girl mourning a lost loved one. And it was all your fault. It was because of you that Petyr wouldn’t live to see another day, to write another letter or to fight another battle. It was on you.

The details of what happened next were a bit blurred. Someway you must have found your way back to the campsite. Whether you did on your own after tending to everyone else, you didn’t know. Your memories picked up after you woke up in your tent. Someone was calling your name, saying that the Darkling wanted to see you.

Mechanically you raised and made your way to the Darkling’s tent but your mind was elsewhere. Your thoughts were plagued by Petyr’s face, by that godforsaken sound he made when he tried to speak. The realisation that he was gone hit you like a wall of brick that would have made you stumble if you weren't’ sat in front of the Darkling’s desk. Whether he was speaking and stopped after seeing the forlorn look in your eyes or he hadn’t been speaking at all, you didn’t realize. You did hear him say that you were going to be posted somewhere. Under different circumstances you have said something, anything to not let him send you away. Your mind immediately went to Nikolai. You’d be leaving him behind along with the campsite.

However, you now realised that you had already lost him. Losing Petyr had been the last thing that had completely severed your bond. There was no turning back now and part of you was grateful.

Hello Mr. "Perfectly fine"

How's your heart after breaking mine?

I've been Miss "Misery" since your goodbye

And you're Mr. "Perfectly fine"

You couldn’t know, of course, but Nikolai had left not long after you did. Albeit for a different reason. He had finally earned the Major rank and as such, he took a step back from military life deciding that his skill would be better suited for a life on the sea. Assuring Ravka the supply she needed but in ways that weren’t exactly suitable for a prince but worked just fine for a privateer. And thus Sturmhond came to life.

As for you, you kept doing your job at your new post but were relieved when a letter came from the Darkling instructing that you were needed at the Little Palace. Part of you had relegated Nikolai to that part of your mind where the unmentionable was, however, a traitor thought whispered that maybe there was a chance that you could see him at the royal grounds. Sure, the possibilities were close to zero but it was still possible, right?

No.

You already were ashamed of the fact that you’re still suffering because of him. And yes, you missed him but you weren’t going to indulge the pathetic hope of seeing him again.

He doesn’t want to see you. If he did, he would have already found you. Or write you a letter if he couldn’t, but he didn’t.

You were right. You knew you were, nonetheless, the thought only brought you a bittersweet feeling.

You found the Little Palace just how you’d left it and yet it seemed changed in a way. The insane amount of work you found there waiting for you helped you drown the feeling that it was you that had changed.

Months passed this way, sometimes the Darkling would post you with him or outside the Little Palace. All in all, you’ve kept busy. When news of the little prince leaving the Palace reached you, you let it wash over you. It wasn’t like it mattered much, whether he was a few feet away or in another nation, Nikolai wasn’t part of your life either way.

When the whole expansion of the Fold happened, you were stationed at the Little Palace. Chaos and terror ensued as soon as the news reached the capital making most of the Grisha flee. Most of them went looking for the Darkling while others simply ran away and hid. You were amongst the first group.

Soon, your life was radically changed. The shift in the Darkling was palpable and it didn’t have anything to do with the scars on his face. You had tried your best to heal them and Genya to tailor them away but somehow, they could not be removed. It was an unsettling thing to realize that they didn’t take away his beauty. One could even say that they enhanced his attractiveness.

He was certainly more powerful. None of you knew what had happened in the Fold that day, just that the Sun Summoner had fled and that there were no survivors apart from him. However, as your journey in pursuit of Alina dragged on, you were soon witnesses of his newfound power.

The nichevo’ya, he called them.

He had always been immensely powerful. One of a kind. But this- this was different. And as dread settled among your group as you watched them in action, realisation sat heavily on your shoulders.

He soon found a trail and traced Alina in Novyi Zem and set out to reach the island by hiring Sturmhond’s crew. He was a famous pirate after all and despite his unreliability, the Darkling was sure that as long as he got his money, he wouldn't be a problem.

In the round trip, you didn’t see much of the captain anyway. Some members of his crew were amiable enough, particularly the Yul-Baatar twins. You had even asked Tamar to spar with you from time to time. Your lessons with Botnik were a distant memory and you knew that mastering combat training skills could increase your chance at survival.

When Alina and Mal were held captive though, that’s when Sturmhond made an appearance. He looked younger than you’d thought and there was something oddly familiar in the way he held himself. Still, you didn't talk with him much. Your job was to take care of Alina and so you spent most of your time in her room.

It wasn’t until the Darkling asked Mal to track Rusalye and consequently spent more time with Alina that you had a chance to talk with him. It was during one of your night shifts when he approached you, the Darkling had wanted some of his to always be patrolling the ship.

“What could possibly make a little thing like you be amidst this wretched company?”

“It’s all a matter of perspective, I guess.”

“The thrill of adventure?”

“There’s plenty of it everywhere you go if you’re Grisha, even if you just go on a stroll.”

“Is that why you follow him?”

“I owe everything to him.”

“I’m sure you realize your role in this.”

“Of course I do. I’m not some naive girl who has a crush on her general.”

“Ah, so who, pray tell, do you have a crush on then, beautiful lady?”

“You’re certainly noisy for a pirate.”

“Privateer,” he corrected you, “there’s not much to do around here is it?”

“Not if you have everyone taking care of it, no.”

“Amuse me.”

“It isn’t wise to let the heart get involved in times of war.” That was all you were willing to share. Yes, he was handsome. Yes, the twinkle in his eyes was oddly familiar but he was a stranger. A dangerous one.

“Those sound like words spoken from experience.”

“Maybe.”

“Well, I’d say it’s no fun to only think about war. Life is so much more.”

“Believe me, if I could, it’d be the last thing on my mind. But, alas, l don’t have the privilege to do so.”

You had already lost too much time speaking with him. If someone were to see you or tell the Darkling you’d be in trouble. And you had made it your goal to never put yourself on the path of the Darkling’s anger. So you excused yourself and went back to your rounds.

If only you had stayed and talked to him more maybe you would have understood what was about to happen. Maybe you would have had an enkindling of Sturmhond’s plans. Instead, you were taken by surprise, just like everyone in your group, when Rusalye was spot and a shot was fired. You had found yourself in the uncomfortable position of having to fight against people you had grown to like.

“I don’t want to hurt you, y/n,” Tamar warned you as you stood face to face on the sinking ship dock. Her trusted axes in her hands while your hands were raised ready to attack.

“I don’t want to hurt you either.”

“Then you don’t have to. Come with us.” Her proposition made you gasp.

“That would be treason,” you whispered hoping that the Darkling wasn’t around to hear you. A shiver ran through you as you thought of the punishment he’d give you for even thinking about leaving his side.

“Then you leave me no choice.” She said lowering her arms. Was that guilt you heard in her voice?

Before you could voice your question though, she shouted for her brother and not even a second later, you felt your body grow still. Your eyebrows faltered as you felt your heartbeat slow down.

They were Grisha.

They must have seen you realise because you heard Tamar apologize before everything went black.

Mr. "Never told me why"

He goes about his day

Forgets he ever even heard my name

Well, I thought you might be different than the rest, I guess you're all the same

You didn’t stay out for long though. As soon as Sturmhond’s crew had left the Darkling’s ship and had safely made it onto the Volkvolny, the privateer had asked for you to be awakened.

There wasn’t enough light for you to realize you were on another ship, what alerted you of your new situation were your hands. They had bound them behind your back. Immediately you started to struggle, hoping to wiggle out of the restraints. To no avail though. Huffing out in frustration, you settled for looking around you and see if there was something you could use. That’s when you noticed him.

“Release me- this instant, or else-”

“Or what? You’re a Healer. Not exactly a violent job, is it?” Sturmhond interrupted you, a smirk on his face since he had the upper hand.

“I don’t need my powers to kick you in the ass, do I?” He laughed but didn’t look remotely threatened. Rather amused, actually.

“Please, you have to let me go. He’ll kill me if-” Panic started to build as you realized that there was no way you could successfully escape.

“He won’t touch you.” A solemn glow took over his eyes. “He won’t ever hurt you again, you have my word.” He promised, looking subtly at your left shoulder. You winced as you realized that he must have seen your scars. The ones left by the Darkling’s niche’voya.

“How can I know if you’re trustworthy? You don’t exactly have a good score, you know?”

“You’re going to find out soon enough. Don’t worry.”

Of course, he didn’t bother offering further explanations. He’d left it at that. You weren’t a captive per se but he left your hands bound, only freeing them when you needed to eat or relieve yourself.

Fruitless were your efforts in making you tell more. He often ate with you and would check in at least twice a day but that was it.

It wasn’t until after you had landed after that forsaken vehicle of his had gotten you through the Fold that you understood. His coming out as Nikolai Lanstov, prince and second in line for the Ravkan throne, had shaken you all to your core. However, you doubted that it had sent a pang to the others’ hearts as it did with yours.

Nikolai Lantsov. The man you had been dreaming about, the one that had left you behind without any sort of explanations, the one you missed so dearly, had been by your side all this time.

You weren’t sure how you felt. It made sense now why his eyes looked familiar and his posture. You then connected that the vehicle you had used in the Fold had been one of the many projects he used to geek about with you. It tasted a lot like betrayal. Not because he had lied to you about his name but because he had tried to get close to you again and had managed to somehow break that growing bond again.

'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl

I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her

So dignified in your well-pressed suit

So strategized, all the eyes on you

Oh, he's so smug, Mr. "Always wins"

So far above me in every sense

So far above feeling anything

Even if his secret had been outed thus causing some shift in the dynamics between Nikolai and the two new members of his crew - you suspected Mal was closer to punching him every second that passed- not much had changed for you.

On the outside, you pretty much looked like a prisoner. Albeit a very clean one. You rode with them, hands still bound, scowl ever-present on your face.

Nikolai had not come to see you ever since that night after the Fold. And now it had been almost a week since you had started your journey back to the capital. Whether this was all part of his plan to make you look the part of the captive even more or he was just gutless, you didn't know. It was working either way though.

You liked to think that his reason was simply that he didn't care. He had far too much on his plate right now as it was. Going back to court after years of absence while also making claims to the throne and trying to sway the Sun Summoner your way. It was no easy feat. But hadn't he always liked to say that impossible often meant improbable? A lot of things had changed since that night but even so, you'd still pose your bet on him that he'd be able to achieve anything he set his mind to.

It wasn't exactly that thinking this way brought you actual comfort. Of course, not. But it was better than foolishly hoping for him to still care about you the way you did for him. After all, he had sent plenty of signals that pointed in the other direction.

But then why did he kidnap you? Why take you with him? You weren't that close to the Darkling to be of any use to Nikolai in that way. And, as a matter of fact, no one had come to interrogate you regarding his plans or whereabouts. Then why?

You still couldn't figure it out.

Some days your anger shifted more to frustration and you were ounces away from asking for him yourself. Almost as if he had heard you though, he gave you the final push.

It was the usual day, Nikolai and Alina were riding in the carriage, stopping in every village we passed to meet with the locals. However, this time, before climbing back into the carriage, they kissed.

You were too far to figure out who started it and the details. The gist of it was enough though.

You most certainly were a fool. Still thinking about a guy who didn't give two shits about you, who had kidnapped you putting you in a dangerous situation and you were still wondering whether he felt something for you or not? Pathetic.

You had to do something about your situation and quickly too. Officially, you were a traitor. You had fled and joined the Darkling, that wouldn't make you look good in front of the king. He was a lousy bastard anyway and will probably sentence you to death to set an example. You hadn't survived so much shit to end up at the end of a rope.

So, even though you had initially thought against it since you were so close to home, you decided to escape. You were already headed towards certain death so what was the worst that could happen?

Your hands were left unbound when you were in your tent. One less problem to solve. Closing your eyes, you focused on listening for any nearby heartbeats. You heard two, those of the guards posted outside your tent. Maybe you could find an excuse to call them inside, put them to sleep and then slip away.

That was not exactly what your powers were for but you were desperate. You had to at least try.

And so you did. You called them in and immediately set out to slow their heartbeats. You had almost succeeded in putting them under when someone else slipped in. The last person you wanted to see.

"Am I that bad of a host?"

You didn't meet his ruse though, you knew it would make you lose focus.

"I'm afraid I have to ask you to release my soldiers." As soon as he said it though, they fell unconscious at last. Your chest was heaving by now, using so much power in such a different way was costing you. But you couldn't back down now. It was one on one and you were Grisha and a woman scorned. He stood no chance.

"Move out of my way, your highness."

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

"You can or I can make you. Your choice." The venom in your voice was unmistakable and it took him by surprise. He gave you a curious look tilting his head to the side like he was seeing you for the first time over again.

"I didn't realize ruthlessness was one of your personality traits."

"You know nothing about me," you seethed. The tip of your fingers flexed, the tension in the room could be cut with a knife and you were already weary.

"It may have been a while y/n, but I like to think I know a good deal about you."

"And I would like to completely erase this last year but you don't hear me yap about how shitty it has been, do you?"

"You never did like opening up much."

"I'm well past the point of sentimentalism, Nikolai. It is coming far too late anyway. And whatever my feelings for you may be, I won't let you put my life on the line." Your posture straightened, stance ready for battle.

His eyes flashed, jaw clenched. His hands closed in fists and he almost looked hurt. But why would he?

"Is that what you think all of this is?" Nikolai always acted aloof. He was always composed and dignified. You had thought it was for his insane amount of self-confidence but now you understood it was for how he was raised. But you recognised the pout on his lips. It was the expression he’d always have whenever he tried to get something from getting to him. To prevent himself from showing emotions.

"You're holding me captive while you go around Ravka parading your latest conquest, flashing your return everywhere. I don't know why you're doing this but I don't care. I've stopped waiting around for you and I certainly won't let your father put me to death."

"You think I'd let him?"

"So you want to do this?" you threw your hands up in exasperation, "Fine. You really want to know what I think?"

"Be my guest."

"I think that the Nikolai I knew would have left out of the blue without so much as a letter. I think that the Nikolai I knew was ready to go to any length to achieve what he believed in. However, I thought that the Nikolai I knew cared about me and what we had but look at me now. So maybe, I know nothing at all."

"You certainly do seem to know a lot of things. But you’re not wrong."

"If this is the way you care about me," I gesture to my tent, "then I'm not sure I want this Nikolai to care for me."

“This,” he said, emulating your gesture, “is to keep you safe. This is my way to ensure that if the Darkling got news of your whereabouts, he’d be sure not to think you willingly left his side and betrayed him.”

“That’s because I didn’t!” You raised your voice in outrage. The nerve of this man.

“Spare me your indignation. I know you hate being at his beck and call, to do his dirty work and be constantly surrounded by warfare.”

“Do not presume to speak for me.” You snapped. You knew it was best to keep a cool head but his cockiness was getting on your nerves.

“Didn’t you? Hate it, I mean.”

“We’re at war, Nikolai. Being away or close to the Darkling won’t change that. At least with him, I was safe.”

“You can’t be that delusional to think that he was protecting you.” He scoffed at your words as if they were the most absurd thing he had ever heard.

“And you can’t be that delusional to think that bringing me back won’t result in your father killing me.” You fired back shifting on your feet. He winced as if you had physically hurt him.

“You have so little faith in me?” His voice was just above a whisper and you knew that your words had struck a chord.

“How can I have any, Nikolai?” your voice softened a bit. “One day you’re telling me how much you value my opinion, you promise me a future where I’d be the first to see your project come to life and then you left. You just left, Nikolai.” And when I was starting to make my peace with it that’s when you come back? Also, let’s not forget about my abduction and your flirting with Alina.”

“So yes, I don’t trust you.” You concluded, crossing your arms on your chest with finality. He just stared at you for the longest time. If someone would come in now, they’d think you were in the middle of a staring contest. Then he sighed and started talking.

“I had to go away. I had already pushed my parents’ limits when I said I wanted to be part of the infantry. So, one day I got a letter written by my father personally and I knew that my time was up. I had been Nikolai for too long, now I had to start being a Lantsov prince.” His eyes were on the ground now, shame making her way in his words.

“So that’s what I did,” he went as he started pacing,”I went to Kerch to study, just like my father wanted. I did what he asked, he couldn’t reproach me anything now. I could never stay too still though, a life of adventure was calling me and I could not ignore it. It was only then that I realized that I could do so much more than sitting in a class, to realistically help Ravka.”

“I couldn’t take you with me. You had such a larger role to play in the army and besides, there wasn’t much I could offer you. So yes, I left. I left thinking that I would find my way back to you eventually.” He had stopped by now, regret was swirling in his shining orbs as he looked at you.

“You could have told me.” You contestated, taken back by all the information he gave you. “I would have waited for you.” A whispered promise for something that would never be now.

“I was afraid, y/n. That’s not my best moment, I know and no number of apologies could ever make it right. But I was afraid of your answer. I knew I’d be asking for a lot and let’s be honest-” the desperation in his tone was evident now, he had unconsciously started to lean towards you but you knew what he was about to say.

“You weren’t sure if the future you were offering me would just end up with me being your mistress, am I right?” Your tone hardened but despite the insulting implication of what you said, you weren’t made at him.

“I’m a prince, y/n. We do not marry for love and this country cannot afford to disregard the advantages that a political union could bring.”

His honesty was as refreshing as it was unsettling. He was right. As soon as you had learned he was a prince, you realized just what kind of future you could have with him. But then he left and that problem did not exist anymore. Neither of you spoke, both of you were seizing the other. You had laid it all out, defences were down putting you both in a vulnerable position.

And someday maybe you'll miss me

“You should have talked to me, Nikolai. We could have figured it out together. If it came to being your mistress to stay with you, then that was my decision to make.” You said softly after a while. It pained for you to say this, you would have never thought that getting closure would hurt this much.

Tears streamed on both of your faces, in front of you had been laid what your future could have looked like. It was everything you had wanted, you could still do your job and have the man of your dreams. You were surprised to find that you wouldn’t mind sharing him with his supposed wife. You had been at court for enough time to know how most marriages went. If he assured you it was only a diplomatic affair but that his heart was yours, that would have been enough. Who knows, maybe she’ll get a lover too.

But now… now you didn’t know if you could ignore everything that happened. You did not trust him nor could you ignore how hurt you were by his lack of communication and thus of trust in you.

But by then, you'll be Mr. "Too late"

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov imagine #nikolai lantsov imagines #nikolai lanstov one shot #nikolai lanstov fic #nikolai lanstov x you #nikolai lanstov x y/n #shadow and bone #grishaverse #nikolai lanstov angst #nikolai lanstov fluff #nikolai lanstov blurb

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thelovelyghostwriter · 3 years ago

Text

HxH Theories Discussion

I want to thank @orangesandnightmares for sharing this with me and translating them. I will address the theories, maybe why people thought of it and share any links that explains the theories (if I can find any).

Sorry if this post is infested with links because some are really long and others are videos; and Tumblr has limits with photos and videos.

Warning: Spoilers. This post contains spoilers and discussion about the current manga arc.

So let’s go:

1st Layer:

"Togashi is addicted to Dragon Quest and that's why the manga cannot continue"

The official reason is because of his health. From what I’m getting through the threads, the rumour is based on this old picture of him playing Dragon Quest. The threads also stated that the rumour is due to the correlation of the hiatuses and the Dragon Quest release dates. I went to compare the HxH hiatus chart and the release dates of DQ, but I don’t see a striking correlation. It is also important to note that the last DQ released stated on Wiki is in 2017, however, HxH hiatus has started in 2018 and it is still ongoing as of July 2021.

Overall, I believe this is just a rumour propagated by memes, but we all know that the main reason is because of his back problems. After the death of Miura, author of Berserk, there has been debates about the health of manga authors. It is no coincidence that quite a number of authors are suffering from health ailments. I think it’s important for us to just wait patiently for the chapter and be considerate of the health of writers.

"The Kurtas are from the Dark Continent"

This theory came about when people noticed that Kurapika’s Kurta clothes bears similarities to the Lake Mobius, a water body in the Dark Continent. The symbol on the Kurta clothing is similar to the Mobius Strip.

This youtube video also shows how there are certain instances where Beyond Netero mentions that the ancient people came from the Dark Continent, and perhaps the progenitor of the Scarlet Eyes came from the Dark Continent that settled in the mainland.

There are also questions that needs to be addressed, such as why the Scarlet Eyes are feared and message left at the scene of the massacre where it implies that the massacre is the result of vengeance from the Meteor City (see below regarding Kurta massacre and revenge).

"Togashi is a flat-earther"

There are some threads I have found that talks about how Togashi’s map looks like the documentary featuring flat-earther’s beliefs and how certain manga panels seem to depict the HxH world as being flat.

However, there were some replies that concluded that perhaps, these manga panels are not necessarily drawn to scale and there isn’t sufficient evidence to prove that HxH world is flat. I also went to compare the documentary “Behind the Curve” Flat Earth Model and some of the HxH maps/geography, but I REALLY don’t see the resemblance?

One thing’s for sure though, the known continents of the HxH world map are just like our world map, just lop-sided or upside down (e.g. Greed Island is Australia upside-down). You may refer to the comparison here.

I am still open-minded about the HxH being a flat world, but there is some separation between the writer’s beliefs and what they depict. Just because if say, the HxH is flat, it does not necessarily mean Togashi will be a flat-earther.

"Nanika is a calamity called Ai"

This is actually something that most people have made connections to, and it is heavily implied. Nanika is from the Dark Continent (there is a specific page that tells that). Ai is one of the Five Calamities/Threats listed.

The Hunterpedia page also makes certain connections with Nanika and the Ai, which can be found here.

2nd Layer

“Ging is Yusuke Urameshi”

Yusuke Urameshi is the MC from Yu Yu Hakusho, and yes, they do bear heavy resemblance to one another, along with their personalities. However, they are not the same person? Just two characters from the same mold.

“Feitan is Kikyo’s son”

There is a Youtube video discussing this and pretty clearly. You can watch it here.

This link was made because Kikyo originates from Meteor City, the home of the Spiders. Kalluto talked about “bringing back a brother”, which was never confirmed who he was talking to. That’s when the deduction that Feitan is Kikyo’s son and he is the half-brother of the Zoldyck siblings, and that Kalluto wants to bring him back.

This video discusses the physical similarities between Feitan and the Zoldycks, however, one rebuttal that wasn’t discussed in the video that I want to add is that perhaps, Feitan and the Zoldycks (in particular, Killua) are derived from the traits of the same character, Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho. Which is why their physical traits that might be similar. Hence, it’s not because they are related, but rather the inspiration is from the same character.

Another thing I want to add is that the video states that perhaps Feitan was planned to be the last mysterious Zoldyck, but because of what happened to Gon, Alluka was created.

HOWEVER, I noticed is that in the Chinese databook that I have that was written in 2004 (before Election arc was written), it states in page 38 “弟弟阿路加的身份不明” which translates to “younger brother Alluka’s identity is not known”. This means that Togashi had already planned Alluka to be the unknown sibling from the start, even before the Election arc, NOT Feitan.

Also, Alluka and Killua are a clear parallel to Yukina and Hiei, who are also brother and sister. The only difference is that Alluka (the sister) is actually the one who is shunned from her family, instead of Killua. In Yu Yu Hakusho, it is the other way around - Hiei was the one who was shunned by the ice maidens, and Yukina was the one who left home. I believe the video didn’t take Yu Yu Hakusho into account.

“Sheila is Pariston in disguise”

If you guys haven’t read Kurapika’s Memories manga, Sheila was a character who met Kurapika and Pairo before the Kurta massacre. There is actually a very long thread about this. Read it here.

“The Phantom Troupe killed the Kurta clan for revenge”

I actually found out about this theory by accident when I was roaming around Hunterpedia and trying to find out more about Meteor City. In the Hunterpedia, it tells the story of the Vagrant Incident where Meteor City took revenge for messing with them with the message. “We'll accept anything you leave here, but don't ever take anything away from us.”

When the Kurta massacre happened, there was a note left with that same message. The previous Reddit post about Sheila being Pariston in disguise also gave a possible reason for this revenge, albeit the reason has no concrete evidence besides the theory that the Kurtas came from the Dark Continent.

Actually, the four theories: “Pariston is responsible for the massacre”, “Pariston was Sheila in disguise”, “The Kurtas were from the Dark Continent” and “The Phantom Troupe killed the Kurtas for revenge” seems connected together.

I don’t think Togashi will put these details unless he had a purpose. However, the main question is why. What did the Kurta clan do to offend the Meteor City?

“Togashi owns all rights to HxH”

I actually don’t really know why this is labelled as a theory. I’m not sure what it means actually. Skip.

3rd Layer

“The book that Kurapika had when he was little is from Don Freecss”

In the manga Kurapika’s memories, Sheila gave Kurapika and Pairo a book where the main character is called “D Hunter”. This got people to think that perhaps, the character in the book is Don Freecss.

Don Freecss is also known to have two traveler’s journal - East and West. While the East is in the possession of the V6, the West’s whereabouts are unknown. This makes people think that perhaps the West version is the book that Kurapika owned.

“Tserriednich has Pairo’s head”

For those who is not familiar with Kurapika’s memories manga, Pairo is Kurapika’s childhood best friend. When Kurapika was permitted to travel outside, Pairo was left behind, along with the other members of the clan. While Kurapika was journeying outside their village, the Kurta massacre took place.

This theory is pretty straightforward. It was based on the specific manga panel that showed Tserriednich with the Scarlet Eyes, with a centre depicting the head which look like Pairo’s.

“The mother of Gon is from the Dark Continent”

This one won’t make sense unless you knew about the Three Kings arc in YYH. It is revealed that Yusuke’s ancestral father was a demon (Raizen) who lives in the Demon World. This explains why Yusuke is stronger than the average human, because he has demon blood in him.

Many people think that the Demon World is synonymous with the Dark Continent, which I agree.

Unfortunately, I can’t find a good thread of this because everytime someone tries to talk about this, people will be close-minded and then start talking about the damn pregnancy card theory instead of trying to dissect it. I really dislike how “popular theories” are more “accepted” even if there are other alternatives presented that can be interesting. It’s not even discussed, most of the time people shut it down before even listening.

I’m going to try to quickly come up with a few reasonings why people might think so (I haven’t double checked them but this is based on memory):

Ging was going to mention that Gon has a mother but Gon stopped the tape immediately. Now, if Ging truly did the preggo card, why would he suddenly mention a mother? This is why people believe that Gon has a biological mother, we just don’t know her identity.

Also, there are some comments I find that perhaps Ging wants to say “about your mother... you have none” or “about your mother... it’s me” or something like that... but speech-wise it’s really awkward. From the looks of it, Ging seemed that he was about to talk about the woman he knocked up to have Gon.

When I was rewatching the 2011 show, I noticed that the aura around him in the CA arc was very dark. It was pitch black. In the election arc, Morel also said something like “I wonder whose aura is that” when a powerful aura was released as Nanika healed Gon. From the surface, it seems like it’s Nanika’s, but the question Morel posed was more ambigious. Is the dark aura Nanika’s or Gon’s?

I also noticed that Gon’s unforgiving, rageful, sinister side doesn’t seem to be present in Ging. While they do have similar personalities as they are father and son, one can wonder where Gon got this behavioural trait from. I remember telling this difference to one of my friends and she replied with “maybe it was from the mother”. These two observations (the aura and the rageful personality) might be the reasons why there is this theory that Gon’s mom is from the Dark Continent.

I had also seen rebuttals of “no this is not possible because Ging hasn’t been in the Dark Continent”. However this doesn’t fully negate the possibility because what if the mother was the one who went to the mainland instead? We had already witnessed Nanika, who says she is from the dark continent living in Alluka who is now on the mainland.

The last point is the one that I mentioned with Raizen earlier. That perhaps Togashi recycled this idea of Raizen with Gon’s mother. However, I think the similarity is closer to Don Freecss. Raizen is the ancestral father of Yusuke, and that Don Freecss seems to be related to Ging and Gon by blood, perhaps an ancestral father.

Last but not least, I recently found from the official HxH databook that Ging has a wife, and from the family tree, it looks like his wife is also Gon’s mom.

There is also a video that states that perhaps the mother of Gon is Don Freecss and that Ging is lying about the identity of Don Freecss. I also noticed that Gon is a combination of Don and Ging’s names. However, there wasn’t much on this and uhh... yeah not much evidence on this and lots of concerns on this theory. And the possibility of Don Freecss being an ancestor seems more likely.

One thing’s for sure, Ging has a wife and likely had a child with him (who is Gon).

“Gon was going to die at the end of the chimera ant arc”

Okay. I don’t see any threads about this.

There was a theory that I want to share where Illumi’s needle on Killua’s head was intended for Killua to abandon Gon when they are in danger, causing Killua to go home because his friend had died. And Silva was the one who ordered Illumi to put the needle on Killua.

The reasoning was this:

Silva did his "promise" with Killua, he made him promise to protect his friends. As soon as Killua walked out of the room, Silva has an evil expression in both the anime and the manga that Killua would return. The theory is essentially that he had already ordered Illumi to place the needle in Killua, which forced him to run from fights he can't win, knowing that he and Gon would get into trouble and he would run instead of protecting Gon. Silva expected Gon to die, and for Killua to be absolutely heartbroken and come home, giving up on having friends.

And this “fights he can’t win” were likely the ones in the chimera ant arc. Of course, Gon wasn’t intended to die at the end of the chimera ant arc, at least because there is proof that Togashi had already planned for Alluka way back in 2004 (just when the CA arc was being written). Thus, I do think he intended Gon to be alive through the use of Nanika.

“Queen Oito is the sister of Chrollo”

This theory is from this reddit thread. I’m not particularly convinced with this one.

This theory was founded by three “evidences”: 1) Oito and Chrollo look similar in terms of eyes, 2) Oito has 5 siblings, and probably her parents abandoned one of them in Meteor City, 3) Oito says she “was always pushed around” and Chrollo enjoys commanding others.

The first and second reasoning is kinda flimsy because it’s possible that it could be a mere coincidence. The third reasoning is not really true because Chrollo doesn’t seem to push the Spiders around even though he is the leader.

It is interesting to see how Kurapika would react if he turned out to be protecting his nemesis’s sibling and nephew but eh...

4th Layer

“Shalnark is a Kurta”

This is the tumblr post explaining it. It has something to do with Shalnark’s clothes being similar to a Kurta’s and the fact that not all Kurtas have Scarlet Eyes.

“Chrollo is not human”

I think this theory came about because of the way Chrollo speaks. He doesn’t perceive himself as included in humanity. However, I think this is more of a portrayal of him being so removed from the mainstream society (I don’t know how to term him but a lot of people would label him as a sociopath) that he addresses humans as another collective group separate to him.

“Naoko will continue HxH”

For those of you who do not know, Naoko Takeuchi (writer of Sailor Moon) is Togashi Yoshihiro’s wife. A lot of fans speculate that she may continue hunter x hunter, if something were to happen to Togashi.

“The next Spider to die is Shizuku”

This one really gave me goosebumps. As in HUGE goosebumps when I read it on Amino. You may read it here.

The common rebuttle is that the Lovely Ghostwriter only works for about a month. However, according to the timeline, Chrollo steals The Lovely Ghostwriter on 3rd September 1999 and Hisoka makes contact with the Spiders on January 14th 2000 (which was meant to exorcise Kurapika’s Nen on Chrollo on Greed Island). In Chrollo’s fortune, it says that he needs to travel to the East (Greed Island) to find what he’s looking for. It took months instead of just a month.

Another thing to note is that Neon is listed as a Nen genius. Nen geniuses are people who manifested Nen without proper Nen training or the knowledge of Nen. Among them are people like Neon, Komugi and Zepile. Therefore, this brings to question if Neon actually fully knows what her Nen powers do, or to what extent of time can it predict. I’m not 100% sure about this one but this is something that I often questioned.

“Kalluto is the user of Silent Majority”

This theory is the one I investigated last because I haven’t really paid attention to the existence of Silent Majority (deadass forgot about it lmao so I’m confused as hell when I read this statement).

There’s a lot of characters in the current arc, and my pee-wee hippocampus can’t take this. ISTG every single time I try to learn the characters of this arc, I end up laughing because it’s so complicated. I can’t even remember my classmates’ names or how they look like LMAO.

How the Silent Majority (probably) works:

The Silent Majority is an ability where a person will attaches(?) to somebody as a host. This host is not the target.

When activated, there will be a marionette that will appear, and only the host can see it + the user of Silent Majority.

The marionette is a distraction. The real danger are the four snakes conjured afterwards. Each snake can suck the blood out of a person in 44 seconds. When all four attack, it only takes 11 seconds.

The snakes are visible to everyone, including non-Nen users. The snakes are physical(?) - it can be shot.

If the snakes have been neutralized(?)/cancel the ability before killing someone, the curse(?)/snakes rebounds back to the user.

*I put the (?) because I do not know what exact word to use.

What we do know is that, according to the multiple analyses:

The user of Silent Majority is likely male because he/she uses a word “ze” associated with males.

The user is probably not working alone.

Has some grudge against Furykov and wants to kill (another bodyguard that I cannot spell).

Two sources also states that the person is likely to be in the same room + Kurapika also stated that the person has to be in the same room when the attack happened while he was teaching Nen to people.

There are multiple sources discussing who is the possible user for the Silent Majority, BUT very few supporting that Kalluto is the Silent Majority user. This is because there is a panel where Kurapika concluded that the user is in the same room as them when the attack happened (Kalluto was not present in that room).

Why people think it’s Kalluto is simply because of the similar appearance of the Silent Majority marionette - the bob haircut and kimono-like clothing. There is also a thread that associates Kalluto with the white snake in Taoism, though honestly I believe that’s a bit of a stretch. Kalluto is also male and works with the Spiders, which makes it seem believable.

However, when I searched for “Silent Majority” on Youtube, a video popped up that says “Silent Majority by Keyakizaka46. The girl in the thumbnail has the same bobcut as the Silent Majority doll. This could be an inspiration for the appearance of the doll. You may see the comparison here.

The fact that the Silent Majority user has to be in the same room also eliminates Kalluto as the possible suspect.

I actually found this video from this guy that discusses the Silent Majority’s ability, who he/she killed and the possible identity. However, this video did not consider Kalluto as a potential suspect because when the Silent Majority attacked in the room where Kurapika supposedly teaches Nen, Kurapika concluded that the person is in the room afterwards. Thus, Kalluto wasn’t in the list of suspects. The guy in the video then proceeded to do a process of elimination, down to seven possible Silent Majority users. He also listed among the seven, who are the least to the most likely user of the Silent Majority. In the end he concluded that Musasho, the Captain of Queen Swinko-Swinko (the 5th Queen). Swinko-Swinko is Sale-Sale’s son. I actually like this video because the guy went full-on detective.

There is another video that discusses the elimination process. The conclusion is that the likely suspects is Satobi (Captain of Queen Duazul's Royal Guard; the 2nd Queen). Duazul is the mother of Camilla (2nd Prince), Tubeppa (5th Prince), Luzurus (7th Prince) and Halkenburg (9th Prince).

Another thread also states Satobi and Musasho. They also added Belerainte and Bill as their suspects (though they did not give any reasoning for this).

There is another thread that also concluded that the likely user is Musasho and Satobi.

I believe that the conclusion is that the Silent Majority is either Musasho or Satobi, rather than Kalluto.

“Hisoka is Belerainte in disguise”

If you guys forgot, Belerainte is one of the bodyguards of Prince Marayam (13th Prince). A lot of people think he’s Hisoka in disguise due to a) his height of over 180cm, b) his knowledge of Nen, c) his experience in fighting, d) his dialogue that ends with a heart shape (people think this is associated with Hisoka).

Please go to think link to see this visual comparison.

“Pariston killed the Kurtas”

Please see the “Pariston is Sheila in disguise” for this topic.

5th Layer

“Cheadle is Ging’s ex”

There is an extension to this theory that Ging and Cheadle used to date and Gon’s mom is Cheadle. I found an old post about this but now I cannot.

I do remember that there are two premises to this:

Cheadle has green hair

Cheadle is a dog and Gon is known to have a strong sense of smell like that of a dog’s

Other than that, there hasn’t been a lot of inferences and connections to this theory. Another thing is, as mentioned, Ging has a wife as stated in the official HxH database. If it was Cheadle, it would mean that they are married but separated.

“Oito will die and Kurapika will be Woble’s caretaker”

This is actually not so much of a theory but more of a speculation that Oito might die protecting Woble during the Succession Contest, and then Kurapika will have to become Woble’s caretaker which conflicts his mission to get revenge.

“Pakunoda is the lover of Chrollo”

I didn’t find anything for this one.

“Gon converted to a Specialist”

There are actually several Reddit threads about the possibility of Gon becoming a specialist after he re-learns Nen, but the ones I found are mere speculations. Based on Hisoka’s personality-Nen analysis, being a Specialist doesn’t seem to fit Gon.

“The Kurta clan practices incest”

You may find the theory here. I actually THINK it’s plausible, given the close-knitted community that they had. I don’t think it’s deliberately practising incest with marital union of close relatives (e.g. marrying siblings), but rather, the Kurta clan marrying closely-related to one another (inbreeding). Though there are cases, as mentioned in the link, that there are people who were outsiders who chose to marry Kurtas.

6th Layer

“Yu Yu Hakusho and HxH are the same universe”

This one seems perfectly answered in this Quora.

“Pariston is Gon’s mom”

I am gonna laugh. Okay so, I never found the thread but I can give a guess how this came about.

While I have not found the “Pariston is Gon’s mom”, I did find theories about Ging’s partner being Pariston’s sister, which makes Pariston and Ging in-laws. The sister is none other than Sheila, the strange woman that appeared in Kurapika’s memories manga. While some people think she’s Pariston in disguise, others see her more as related to Pariston, probably his twin sister.

Please see this first post and second post for more details. There was another Youtube video I saw years ago but I can’t find it anymore.

Anyway, these sources vaguely talks about Ging’s partner being likely Sheila, who is also Gon’s mom. Since there is a theory that Sheila = Pariston, I’m guessing this is how the line “Pariston is Gon’s mom” came about. Whack but yeah, this is how I think it was formulated.

“Gon was a gigoloo on Whale Island”

I actually haven’t found anything on this. My best guess is that people had overthink Gon’s dating history when he mentioned that he took women out on dates, and in the manga, he said “cougars”. It’s also unnerving to hear that these women specifically liked younger men. Which led to this wild theory that Gon was a gigoloo on Whale Island.

“NGL was inspired by North Korea”

I am not an expert on Political Science. I will be using only the Hunterpedia source for this, and hopefully someone can make a better post about this.

I do think that the one that is inspired by North Korea is Republic of East Gorteu, not NGL. The Republic of East Gorteau draws parallel to North Korea, even down to its leader and its totalitarian state. I believe this parallel is pretty obvious and when I first watched it, I kind of already realised it.

For NGL, it’s less obvious and I really tried to find anyone talking about it, but I only found it on Hunterpedia. NGL however, bears similarity to Cambodia during the Khmer Rouge (this is a claim made in Hunterpedia). However, they do acknowledge several differences: 1) There is the execution of ethnic minority in Khmer Rogue that isn’t present in NGL, 2) Population’s willingness to subject themselves to the regime.

I did learn a little about Cambodia and the Khmer Rouge, but NGL didn’t struck me as an obvious parallel to the Khmer Rouge, as compared to the East Gorteu and North Korea comparison.

It will be interesting if people are able to find which place/era was NGL inspired from.

“The final boss of the series is Gyro”

This theory is actually very exciting. For those of you who forgot, Gyro was a character introduced during the Chimera Ant arc. He was the kingpin of the underworld and founder of NGL. There was a long episode of his background story and was said to be reincarnated as a chimera ant and had moved to Meteor City. Characters such as Welfin, Ikalgo etc. look up to him as their leader. His presence is very short and mysterious - we don’t even know how he looks like exactly. Yet, he already has established some parallels between Gon and Chrollo. This Youtube video perfectly illustrates this. Gon and Gyro are also said to meet.

7th Layer

“The Pregnancy Stone and Ging”

This theory is probably the most well-known. There is a card in Greed Island that states that the card can make someone pregnant, even if they are male. A lot of fans speculate that Ging used this pregnancy stone card to have Gon, and therefore, Gon does not have a mother but rather made using a card. It will also explain why Gon is very talented as he is made from Nen.

However, as mentioned above, Ging has a wife and she’s most likely the mother.

“The Black Whale is based on Dante’s Inferno”

I cannot find any videos or threads for this.

I have not read Dante’s Inferno. Dante’s Inferno is the first part of Dante’s Divine Comedy. I had to watch a short video on Dante’s Divine Comedy by TED Ed channel (highly recommend this, very good bite-sized information on various topics) to actually know what it is about.

From what I know from the brief research, Dante’s Inferno consists of various "circles” (levels?) of hell. Dante travels through these circles of hell in Dante’s Inferno, each portraying the 7 Deadly Sins.

From the wikipedia, it states:

The Inferno describes Dante's journey through Hell, guided by the ancient Roman poet Virgil. In the poem, Hell is depicted as nine concentric circles of torment located within the Earth; it is the "realm ... of those who have rejected spiritual values by yielding to bestial appetites or violence, or by perverting their human intellect to fraud or malice against their fellowmen"

I can see why this might have make connections with the Black Whale, as Black Whale has layers. However, these “layers” in Dante’s Inferno doesn’t seem to resonate well with the boat, because the layers in the Black Whale portrays the social classes.

Actually, when I was reading the Black Whale, it reminds me more of the RMS Titanic that sunk in 1912. Aside from watching the Titanic film (1997) with Leonardo diCaprio (he’s so hot) and Kate Winslet, I remembering reading an actual non-fiction book that discusses the Titanic when I was in 6th grade (LMAO yes I was obsessed with Titanic). I don’t remember the actual title of the book, but I’m definitely sure it was a book that was written for children to easily understand the titanic disaster (because it was a book fair held in my school at that time). It’s probably one of these books.

Anyway, the book consisted of a cross-section of the RMS Titanic which actually had layers, from the deck all the way to the boiler room. The layers were actually separated by classes, with the first-class to the third-class. I found a very simple cross-section of the RMS Titanic here. All I can conclude for this ocean liner is that there was a lot of over-confidence when building this, which is why there was a lack of lifeboats. It was deemed unsinkable because of the separation of 16 hulls. The lifeboats were meant to transfer passengers towards the other neighbouring boats, not to keep them afloat (which is why the number of seats in the lifeboats were smaller than the actual population of the boat).

Now, this information of lifeboats is essential to the survival rates of the RMS Titanic. There are two major factors that increases/decreases the chances of survival pf passengers: a) sex/age (women, children, men), b) social class. I remember my statistics professor set this up for a question in my class, but I read up on it a bit to refresh my memory.

For the first factor, overall, only 20% men survived in the RMS Titanic. This is because of the instructions. One of the officers instructed “women and children, and then men”, while the other instructed “women and children ONLY”.

The other factor was the social class. Overall, the first class survival rate was 62.46%, second class survival rate is 41.40% and third class survival rate was 25.21% (and the rest were crewmates); which led to some debates whether there was preferential treatment or any factors that led to why the survival rate is proportional to the social class.

From the graphs, I do conclude that sex/age is a stronger factor in the survival rate of the passenger rather than social class. This is because upon looking at the graphs that separates sex/age AND social class, the highest proportion of survival are children of first class and second class (100%), followed by women regardless of class (46.06% to 97.22%), children of third class (34.18%), then men regardless of class (8.33% to 32.57%).

[See the graphs here]

However, for Togashi and HxH, it seems that he is using the Black Whale as a microcosm of social class differences, with the RMS Titanic structure as its inspiration. It is also notable that the RMS Titanic’s luxuries were separated based on whether you’re a passenger of first class to third class, with the top being the first class and then proceeded down.

I actually had asked this on my survey if there are any purpose for the large passengers in the Black Whale. While many people talked about having the passengers for the V5/6 support (I cannot remember the DCE arc to be honest), it makes me wonder if there is another purpose.

This is because in the bottom Tier 5 assembly point where Chrollo is first seen, there is a number 37564.

According to Hunterpedia, it states:

37564 is a Japanese wordplay, which can be read "mi-na-go-ro-shi" (みなごろし), meaning "massacre" or "kill them all".

It makes me wonder if the Black Whale will sink due to certain circumstances, dragging the lower class passengers; since the Black Whale seems to be inspired by the RMS Titanic.

I also had considered if the Black Whale is also semi-inspired by Moby Dick, that is the main antagonist of the Moby Dick book (that is based on a real-life albino sperm whale); though its social class layers seem to be more into RMS Titanic.

“Tserriednich has the Dark Sonata”

In case ya’all forgot, Dark Sonata is the dangerous music piece that Melody sought to destroy. It was mentioned in York New City arc.

I can see why people would make this connection. The manga (as of Chapter 390), Tserriednich got interested in Melody’s skills. This led to people thinking that perhaps Tserriednich has the Dark Sonata and him wanting chaos.

Read the post here, though I am unsure about the variable involving Chrollo, because there is no evidence that indicates that Chrollo has made contact with Tserriednich.

“Togashi is Miura but draws with his left hand”

Both the iceberg meme and this post was first drafted before the passing of Kentaro Miura, author of Berserk.

I think this phrase implies they are the same person? But yeah, they are not. They don’t even have the same writing style.

8th Layer

“Illumi in the boat is Hisoka and the real one is dead”

@itsmyara sent me a twitter thread regarding this. You can view it here. You may use Google translate to read this.

At first glance, it seemed shocking, but after reading the thread, I think it’s worth looking into. The only concern I have for this theory is that the Adult Trio have often been some sort of “barriers” (I don’t know how to phrase it) for the main characters (except for Leorio). Hisoka set a marker for Gon from the Hunter Exam to the Heavens Arena arc. Chrollo is the direct nemesis of Kurapika. Illumi’s control over Killua and that is often one of the greatest issues for Killua - trying to get away from his family.

So, if Illumi is dead, that will have heavy implications on Killua and the Zoldyck family. However I won’t be exactly sure if Killua will have another character arc as the present arc is focused on the Spiders, Kurapika, the Kakin Empire and Hisoka. Either way, this theory is really interesting and I advise you guys to check it out.

Also, Illumi doesn’t necessarily need to be dead for Hisoka to disguise as him. They could have an agreement prior, or Hisoka could have not told Illumi about disguising as him. This actually reminds me of the time where Illumi disguised as Hisoka during the YorkNew City arc, perhaps it’s something similar.

“The real Chrollo is dead and been replaced by his brother”

I tried searching for any discussions on this but I have not found anything relating to it (at least in any English sources).

There seems to be some sibling theories about Chrollo, was there any indications that he had any siblings at all?

“The dynamics of The One Who Holds The Head and The One Related To Jesus Christ”

You might be thinking... What the actual fuck does this mean. Yeah, me too. This is more in relation to the manga panels and some old Renaissance(?) paintings. It's interesting that Togashi uses real paintings as a reference to something. In the volume 28, it is similar to the painting The Coronation of the Virgin by Diego Velazquez.

For this theory, it seems that there is a connection to other paintings, mainly Gustave Moreau. The old link doesn’t work anymore. I found another source that explains its connection. You may read them here.

“Naoko broke Togashi’s back while having sex when she was on top of him”

Uh no. I’m not even gonna investigate this.

Ending statement:

This is what I had collated so far. It took me for a few weeks to collate and read everything. I was not able to find any resources revolving around a few theories, if you found any, you may post it on the reblogs. Sources in other languages are also welcomed.

338 notes · View notes

nekoannie-chan · 3 years ago

Text

Weird love

Pairing:

John Proudstar X Mutant!Reader.

Word count: 1169 words.

Summary: John met you when he needed help to save some mutants, eventually he failed in love with you.

Warnings: Low self-esteem.

A/N: This was requested by @catwoman-from-the-moon

@saiyanprincessswanie

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You stopped looking in the mirror, you hated when they addressed you as a "vampire", you were not one of those beings, maybe you looked like one and had similar powers, but you did not consume blood, you could be in the sun without any problem, you also did not know any of the supposed abilities that vampires used to have you were a mutant.

You heard the rumours about what happened between the Infernal Circle, the Morlocks, and the mutants of the underground, although you weren't sure whether to believe it. Many mutants believed that when crossing into Mexico they would be much safer, it was not so, it was simply easier to camouflage flair... as long as the X gene did not affect the physical. Not to mention that another danger was The Lunatic, who had the same mutation as you, but the big difference was that she was evil, so if they avoided her, they would be safe.

You weren't sure what was going on, you heard the murmur, but you didn't understand the words, you got closer, you were afraid they would have to escape, you didn't even remember the one when it had been the last time, but you were sure it was at least 5 years ago. The place where they were now was hidden in the desert so it was practically impossible for anyone to discover them, not to mention that they had help from some local witches to make them undetectable.

"What's wrong?" you asked as you walked in.

"The mutants of the Underground need our help," Rosa replied.

"But they no longer exist, not after what we heard...”

"Y/N is right, isn't it a hoax?” Creep supported.

"I agree with Marisol, it sounds very strange and could be dangerous," you said.

They began to argue, although no one was listening to the arguments, the concern was very great.

"There is nothing to worry about," Rictor intervened, entering the place and raising his voice to be heard. The groups of mutants on the other side have regrouped, now the Morlocks and those of the Underground are allies, and as we all know, we have to lean between mutants or humans will eliminate us.

You looked insistently out the window; it was finally the day they would arrive. Although you didn't know them, you had heard a lot about them, as soon as you caught a glimpse of the two men, your attention focused on the one with long hair.

You quickly left your room, went downstairs as fast as you could, the corridors were long, very long, it took you at least fifteen minutes to get to where the visitors were.

"Hello," you said.

Marcos was startled when he saw you, John gave him a scolding look, then stood up and stretched out his hand to greet you.

"John Proudstar," he introduced himself. You smiled and took his hand nervously; you had never felt anything like it before.

"Y/N Y/L/N," you replied, it was as if time had stopped and they were only in the world until they heard Marcos's false cough.

They proceeded to tell them about the help they needed, even though anti-mutant laws had been eliminated in the United States, they were still being persecuted by the Purifiers, so they needed to move one of the groups to Mexico.

If the group were to be in danger at some point, with your powers you could confuse the pursuers and make sure that they reached the shelter, then help them settle in and start a new life.

The day they met, you and John exchanged phone numbers, from time to time he would send you messages or even sometimes call you even if it was just to hear your voice.

Although it was also the first time you felt something like this, at the same time you were afraid that things would turn out wrong.

Moving on to the mutants was easy, there was no complication nor did they have to execute the alternative plans, also John took your hand on purpose for a few seconds before anyone else saw them.

John and Marcos decided to stay a few more days, Proudstar spent most of the day with you, he seemed very interested in you, it was a new and strange feeling for you, previously no one had shown interest in you. He also told you almost everything about his life.

One of those days you heard what looked like an argument between the two men, you stayed outside the room listening to the conversation until John mentioned "Blink", who the hell was that person?

“Who is Blink? "You asked entering the room, the two immediately shut up and saw each other.

"It was someone on our team...

"Your girlfriend?" "You interrupted him; you made an effort so that your voice would not sound sad.

"She was my girlfriend, but Turner murdered her," John replied immediately.

"John is single,” Marcos said.

John gave her a warning look; while it was true that he was confused with her feelings, one part was attracted to you and the other that he was betraying Clarice; but Blink was dead, she would never return and he should continue with his life, open his heart, meet someone else, fall in love again and perhaps have the family he had always dreamed of, above all I wanted you to be that person.

“Oh…

It was all you could say before you left the room, you were sure it was all a lie, maybe he just wanted to have fun for a while and didn't have any feelings for you, maybe you had misunderstood everything that happened in the last few weeks, you felt like a fool, you didn't even know how it had occurred to you that someone could fall in love with you, fall in love with who you were. You locked yourself in your room and refused to open the door when someone knocked.

Already at night, when everything was dark, you went out, you went up to the roof, as you did every time you were sad, there no one bothered you, although you did not hear when John went up behind you, he was waiting for the right moment to be able to talk alone with you and explain everything to you.

“Y/N “he called you.

“Go, I don't want to hear from you...

He wouldn't give up so easily stopped you with his strong arms and kissed you, after they separated, he began to explain everything that happened to you.

"I want to always be with you, I want to make you happy," he said.

“Are you sure?

“More than ever, I was thinking about staying here with you.

“But they need you...

“There are more mutants who can help you, like Marcos, Lorna and the others, but I will stay here with you.

You smiled and you two stayed a while longer watching the stars.

#John Proudstar X Reader #John Proudstar X Mutant!Reader #Thunderbird X Reader #Thunderbird X Mutant!Reader

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pebblysand · 2 years ago

Note

Hey!!! I’m here to contribute my theory on who the killer is but I’ll remain on anon so another person can have the chance to win the Drabble topic. I know whatever you write will be phenomenal and I’ll defs be reading.

I wrote a comment a while ago on chapter 9 saying I thought it was Pomfrey or McGonagall. Mainly I think that Ginny asking for birth control is a major clue that something was up. Given that Hinny was the most talked about couple the previous year and Ginny being so quick to say it was Neville makes it obvious imo.

However, you wrote a post maybe a week ago saying you don’t think that Mcgonagall knew what was going on and it completely threw me. You replied to the comment on the fanfic saying that one of our guesses was right so for about an hour I assumed it was Draco (mainly because I don’t think Hannah would kill anyone).

Now I think you wrote that post just to confuse us and I’m right back on the Mcgonagall train. There are sooo many clues. So here are my main arguments;

- Ginny said Mcgonagall was watching her like a hawk (knew she was getting more detentions than the rest of the school).

- McGonagall publicly threatened to kill Snape after Ginny was tortured in front of the school (need I say more?).

- Can’t remember much of this but didn’t McGonagall direct a student to take Amycus to the dungeons? (Knew where he was during the battle)

- Hermione mentioned that Ginny was failing all her classes (why hasn’t she been pulled out of school? Why hasn’t she notified her parents?)

- Also worth mentioning Ginny’s bad publicity in the media. (Wouldn’t that effect the schools reputation?)

Anyway that’s my main points. There’s probably more but I can’t think right now. if you hadn’t of said one of us was right, my other guesses would’ve been Snape, or Alectro for the drama.

I just want this post as evidence if I’m right and I can gloat to myself. Can’t wait for the next chapter!!! I’m assuming we find out?

oh anon! i'm so sorry you were wrong! this was a great theory!

spoilers for chapter 13 of castles under the cut

now, re:mcgonagall, this will be partially addressed in the next chapters (either 14 or 15 - i'm probably going to split 14 in half cause it's also a million words *sigh*) but i did tell the truth when i said i don't think she knows. or, more like, she knew without knowing, if that makes sense:

she knew that ginny was being targeted and in detention more than anyone else

she knew about pansy

she's an intelligent woman who knows that sexual abuse is a thing

yet, she didn't know. i think - as i said before - it's one of those situations where you know something, deep down, but the voice in your brain says: "no, that can't be." so, you try to find every excuse under the sun to rationalise it, because it's too horrible to comprehend. and, i think she rationalised by telling herself the situation with pansy was different. she's 1) not a minor and 2) in the death eater circles. i think mcgonagall thought: this is awful and disgusting and abusive, but pansy was willing, if that makes sense. and, she heard rumours, and saw the way amycus was looking at girls, but she just didn't want to believe it/see it. i think if she had known about ginny, she would have drawn the line there and told molly, sent ginny home. but i think she had some doubts and just... dismissed them. because it was too horrid to believe. sometimes, you just don't see what's right in front of your eyes.

(as a side note: this is particularly real in my head cause like - the sexual abuse of ginny in some form or other was always So Obvious to me. Because, i've said it a thousand times before but i'll say it louder: sex is a weapon of war. and i always believed something had happened. like, yes, the whole specific plot in castles is *a* version of it, of course, and i wanted to write it like that specifically for Reasons but generally - it's always been So Obvious to me that she would have been targeted somehow. she was harry's girlfriend! of course, they would have gone for that in some way, shape or form. we can have debates about whether or not she was raped or just humiliated, and who did it or whatever but god, i remember being 13 and reading dh for the first time and thinking about it. i remember being 17 and thinking about it. it's always been in the back of my mind, even though it didn't always take the specific form it took in castles.

and yet, i get so many comments, all the time to this day, telling me i'm crazy for even thinking it. it's crazy. it's horrible. it would never have happened. and, i get it. it's horrible. sure. and so... mcgonagall thinks so too, lol. mcgonagall is a bit of a vessel for everyone in my comment section who aren't... as bitter about the state of the world as i am, lol)

the reason i went with this version of events in castles is that in canon, you already have to reckon with the fact that first year students were being tortured in hogwarts and mcgonagall did nothing. or, at least, she let it happen. and, i've heard people say it was sloppy writing on jkr's part (which it could have been) but as i said in my previous post, the way i reconcile that is by thinking of war ethics and how your priorities change in wartime. i think you see that in castles at the beginning of chap 8 when mcgonagall locks all the gryffindors in the tower for a weekend after ginny gets tortured (which is obviously her first instinct), then slowly realises this can't be the solution forever. she can't just lock everyone in and keep them safe. then, she allows them to restart the DA for defence purposes. then, it slowly slips out of her control because she can't single-handedly control everyone. these are not normal conditions where she can just be stern and impose detentions and students will obey. here, her students won't obey. even during the battle, she can't get all the underage kids out - it's chaos. and, part of her is proud of they for not obeying. so, i think there's a lot of internal conflict there that sort of culminates in her deciding that she will do anything she can to keep them alive. she can't keep them safe but she can keep them alive, so i think that's where her priorities shift.

and, don't get me wrong, i think there's a lot of reckoning she has to do with the choices she made - after the war ends. i think that's where the "letting ginny party" issue comes from. at the beginning of the year, kingsley persuades her to allow 7th years to get out at weekends. i think she agrees because he's the minister, but also because she feels guilty that these children have had to fight in a war, and they're not really "children" anymore, and that was her fault. or at least she perceives it as such. and, she wants them to have a life, to get better, to be kids again, so she's less strict with them than she used to be. i think she sees the damage the war has done to these children, which she very much perceives as her children, and she couldn't/didn't protect them last year. and, she's sort of like: okay, have fun, please. at the end of chapter 13, there's a line in ginny's letter where she says she doesn't want to be in the castle cause it feels like she's drowning. i think mcgonagall sees that - knows that. and so, what do you do? do you force your kids to stay inside the castle where they can see ghosts and traumatic memories everywhere they turn, or do you let them go out and party, even if it affects their grades? it's an impossible dilemma, especially when you're reckoning with your own guilt and responsibility in their trauma.

i think she goes back and forth on it all year, especially in the second term where things get a bit out of hand. and, i think it's not just ginny - they all struggle in different ways. i mean - neville and luna are at grimmauld half the time as well. hell, hermione is always asking to be in london for reasons x, y, z. ron's birthday, wedding dress shopping... and, i think mcgonagall has this problem where it's like: where do you draw the line? regarding ginny, i think she tries to discipline, but ginny just doesn't care. doesn't show up. and, so what do you do? exclude her? that's even worse, cause then she's just out in the wild. call her parents? they know and clearly have no grip either. you can't discipline kids who've fought in a war the same way you discipline kids who haven't. i mean, they were tortured as a form of discipline - what do you do with them afterwards? especially when these kids aren't minors anymore, when you sort of let it happen, and when the war happened in your own "home". and, so yeah, i think in 98/99 hogwarts is still a bit out of control. mcgonagall is just doing her best with what she has, while living with her own guilt at the same time.

so, yeah, in short: mcgonagall didn't kill amycus. she didn't know about ginny but she probably should have known, and didn't want to know. mcgonagall's not a saint, and i think there's a lot of hints in canon that she could have done better, that year, and i wanted to keep that in castles. she just... is human. and tries her best. and, yeah, there's a lot of guilt and imperfections in that, but it is what it is.

#asked and answered #castles

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fandomscombine · 4 years ago

Text

Baseless Jealousy

Oliver Wood Cousin!Reader x Jealous!Fred Weasley

WC:2307

BG: Fred and y/n’s relationship is currently 3 years long strong. After a summer apart, it seems to be a 3rd party had become closer to y/n. Is it something that Fred has to worry about or is it just baseless jealousy?

a/n: The pairing the won for this fic is Oliver Wood Cousin!Reader x Jealous! Fred Weasley, Thanks so much for voting!

>>>MASTERLIST<<<

>>JOIN MY WRITING CHALLENGE!<<

You and Fred started dating 3 years ago. Fred would like to believe that the relationship is strong, other people believes it so too. However ever since the start of 5th year, something started to get on his nerves, or should he say someone.

See, Fred had noticed you getting closer to his Quidditch captain, Oliver wood. He didn’t want to blame it on the summer you two spent apart but he could quite help himself. You had spent the entire apart, no letters whatsoever. At first, he tried to be understanding, it was after all a summer you and your family spent in Italy while attending your aunt’s wedding, you had told him that this was the first time in 8 years that the whole side of your mother’s family was present as they were all scattered into various parts of the world. He understood the importance of family so he had let it slide that you and he hadn’t communicated in the past 2 months- besides, it must be really exhausting to overwork the owls to post cross country.

Which was why he was so excited to finally see you in person at Platform 9 ¾ on the first of September, to his dismay, you had arrived with Oliver Wood. Back then he had pushed his jealousy aside and concluded as a coincidence that you had turned up together at the barrier. You and Oliver are just friends, he told himself, and that was completely fine.

Fred had sneaked a hug behind you and whispered into your ear. ‘Had a great summer?’

You had jumped at the touch but once you realised who is was from you relaxed. ‘Ohh Freddie!’ You turned and hit his chest. ‘Don’t scare me like that!’ Earning a laugh from him. ‘I did, I had such great times catching up with my cousins! You wouldn’t believe how much trouble we almost got into. But of course.’ Your fingers played with the back of his head. ‘I missed having my love around.’

‘Hey love I’m off to Quidditch practice now.’ Fred informed, kissing your cheek. ‘Will you be there?’ Ever since you and Fred got together 3 years ago, you would go cheer him on during Quidditch practices whenever you can.

This year however, more are at stake.

During the semi-finals, Quidditch matches are dotted with professional quidditch team mangers in hopes to scout for potential recruits to join their team upon graduation.

It is rumoured that the manager for Puddlemere United would be attending the next match, Hufflepuff vs Gryffindor. Puddlemere United being Oliver’s favourite and dream team, he had been pushing the team with more frequent trainings then ever, hoping to perform the best game they would ever play, to further increase his chances to chosen to be part of the team.

You looked up from the letter you were writing. ‘Yep, just gotta make a quick stop to the owlery. I’ll soon you soon okay?’

Arriving at the owlery, a large parcel instantly caught your eye. ‘Oh mum..’ Examining for any potential damage, which thankfully weren’t any.

The barn owl nearest it hooted. ‘Alright! Alright! I was looking if there were damages.’ The owl flapped its wings in annoyance. ‘Here,’ offering your owl some treats. ‘You’ll need to store up some energy on the way back.’ Another hoot sounded, this time from a grey owl, that you recognised belonged too your mother. ‘There’s some for you too.’ After the 2 owls finished their food, you attached your letter your owl’s leg. ‘This is for mother, a thank you note on behalf of Ollie. I’ll write another when we see his reaction to this-I can’t wait.’ You bid the 2 birds goodbye, watching until they disappear unto the horizon.

Now you turn to face your major problem. You had thought that your mother would have had it placed in a box, rather what you got was a large parcel that is clearly wrapped with parchment, with no subtlety in hiding what it truly is.

You had finally manged to sneak the parcel into the Gryffindor boys’ locker room, though it had taken a lot more effort than you thought.

You were just leaving when you had bumped into someone.

‘oopf! Sorr-‘

‘y/n love! What are you doing here?’ Fred wondered, looking over your shoulder, trying to figure out what you were up to. ‘You missed the whole practice.’

‘ohh it’s nothing really----Ayyeee! Not so fast!’ You grabbed Harry’s shoulder, preventing him in enter any further. In all honestly, you hadn’t hidden Oliver’s surprise well, there aren’t a lot of hiding places in the changing room. Determined to not ruin the surprise, you need, you must get Oliver to see it first. ‘Had any of you seen Oli-‘

Right then you heard his unmistakably Scottish accent. ‘I’m just saying George, with this new and improve game plan, we are for sure going win the House Cup!’

‘Oliver!’ You shouted, pushing your boyfriend and Harry aside to reach him. ‘Come quick, I’ve got something to show you!’ With all your strength you hauled him to move faster.

‘What is it now y/n? Can’t you see I’m……..’ Oliver had come to a stop. Based on his sudden lack of complaining, you knew he spotted it.

‘It’s a gift from mum and dad. We thought it would future help your chances to be in the professional league.’ You noted. ‘I wasn’t sure which one of these was your locker, so I decided to just hide it behind the benches.’

Oliver hurriedly torn away the wrappings. ‘Oh my…. y/n! A FIREBOLT!’ He turned towards his teammates with eyes watery. ‘A FIREBOLT, A 1993 EBONY WOOD WITH BIRCH TWIGS FIREBOLT!’ He declared with glee.

Too caught up in your cousin’s precious reaction to your gift, you however had failed to noticed Fred displeasure.

‘I think I’m gonna be sick. So much for a girlfriend.’ He grumbled to George. ‘Excuse me.’ Shoving his broom to Harry, Fred walked out of the locker room.

The next thing you knew, you were spinning through the air. Oliver had lifted you in celebration, ‘Thank you y/n thank you so much!’ He mumbled into your hair. ‘Pass on my gratitude to Aunty and Uncle.’

‘Wait? Did you just say Aunty and Uncle?’ voiced a very confused Harry.

‘Yea.’ Confirmed Oliver. ‘Y/n is my cousin.’

George’s bafflement turned into a startle. ‘You’re joking right?’

‘No, why would be joking George?’ You frowned. ‘Didn’t you know?’

‘Nope’ He replied, popping the “p”. ‘Now it clears everything up. Freddie is going to be--.’

‘Speaking of, where is Freddie?’ You scanned around, wondering where he might have gone to. Which was when you spotted Harry holding up not one but two brooms. ‘Harry…’

‘y/n listen…..Freddie is uhh ’ George was trying to come up how to break it to you gently.

When Harry blurted out. ‘He left.’

‘He whot?’ demanded Oliver.

‘He left, said something about being sick of his girlfriend.’ Commented Harry frankly. ‘owhh!’

Even though it would have been too late to stop Harry from spitting out more wrongfully worded sentences- the damaged has been done- It still made George happy to put some sense into him. Praying that a smack on the head would have made Harry shut up, George took control of the situation, hoping it could still salvage the weakening remain of his twin’s and y/n relationship.

‘Listen y/n. Regarding my idiot brother, you got to know that he, like everyone else in the room, had thought that you and Oliver were flirting with each other.’

‘eww!’ You couldn’t control your reflex.

‘yeah, his emotions got to the best of him when he witnessed everything that got down here and stormed out because of jealousy.’

‘Oh gosh.’ You head towards the door, you could see a red figure walking towards the castle, kicking at fallen leaves every now and then. ‘I’ve got to get to him.’

You felt someone grab your arm ‘No let me handle this y/n.’ voiced Oliver. ‘I’m part of this… complication after all, besides I bet Fred’s fuming right now and as your older cousin, I am willing to take the heat and make him see reason until he has finally calmed down to talk to you with a clear head.’ He explained reassuringly.

‘But---

‘No buts.’ Oliver kissed your forehead. ‘Stay here and send for him back so all this misunderstanding could be sorted out. Now…’ he addressed Harry to get his new firebolt. ‘I’ve got a relationship to fix.’ Oliver hopped on the broom and sped away.

‘Fred! Fred!’ Screamed Oliver.

Fred choose to ignore him, picking up his pace.

Leaving Oliver with no choice but to cut him off.

‘WEASLEY!’ Oliver jumped off his broom.

‘Get Out of My Way Wood!’ Fred raised his hand to shove the other boy away but met with resistance. ‘I SAID GET OUT!’ Fred tried to free his fist from Oliver’s grasp, but the older boy was much stronger.

‘Not until you calm down and listen to what I have to say.’

‘Fine.’ Oliver let go of him, he raised his arms high in surrender. ‘y/n sent you, didn’t she?’

‘No. I came here on my own will. I told her to stay behind to protect her.’ Oliver confessed.

‘To protect her?’ scoffed Fred. ‘From what? From me?’

‘Yes, as a matter of fact.’

‘Oh of course, it’s HER who needs protecting and not me. Not me, after I see you both shamelessly act so close to one another, closer, might I tell you then her own boyfriend! If was as if I wasn’t there’

‘Fred,’

Fred brushed his hand away, ignoring Oliver’s interruption. ‘When did you two get so close anyway? You know at first, I tried to pass it off as friendship but as time when on, I could help but think-‘

‘Y/N IS MY COUSIN!’ blurted Oliver, unable to hear another person thinking that they were other than family. ‘THERE’S NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN US!’

‘what?’

‘Apparently for some reason most of you lot don’t know. George and Harry were just as surprised too. But yes, y/n is my cousin, on my father’s side. My father and her mother are brothers and sisters. I thought with all these years we’ve known each other that you’d know we’re related. Guess I was wrong.’

‘I….I didn’t know.. I’m sorry.’

‘Apology accepted but we both know there is someone more deserving of hearing that apology.’ Oliver nodded towards the locker room. ‘She’s there waiting.’

‘Thank you, Oliver.’ He held out his hand. ‘Friends?’

‘Friends’ Oliver shook his hand, the stared straight into his eyes. ‘BUT…’

‘but?’

‘But if you hurt her again Weasley, you have me to answer for, that is of course after she’s done her share.’ Without another word, Oliver flew off, testing out his new gift.

Fred ran full speed ahead, praying that he didn’t completely ruin a wondering 3-year relationship with the girl of his dreams. Before entering the room, he conjured up a bouquet of your favourite flowers, hoping that could help out his image.

Testing the waters, he called. ‘y/n? are you in here love?’

‘In here’ you sighed. He hated hearing you so sad. He hated it more that it was him causing you to feel that way.

Cautiously he made his way to you with arms outstretched. You accepted the flowers, to that he let himself relax a bit, bringing them up to you nose, you noted. ‘They smell nice, thank you.’

Fred was grateful that you hadn’t scolded him off on his baseless jealousy, still he knew he had to apologize and win his girl back. Kneeling in front where you sat, Fred took your hands and poured out his heart.

‘Y/n, I am sorry. I made a huge mistake, I… I got jealous of how you had gotten close to Oliver this year.’ He confessed.’ Ever since the start of this year, I thought that Oliver was stealing you away from me. I thought that perhaps you two had something going on behind my back.’

Chuckling to himself he continued. ‘I didn’t even realise that you were cousins until he told me just now. I feel so stupid. 3 years together, 5 years of knowing you. It was so obvious.’ Fred closed his eyes.

‘Still, with my worries, I should have asked, asked what you and Oliver were.’ He stressed. ‘I should have come and talked to you, to sort this out like what a, healthy, trusting and understanding relationship would. But instead I keep all my doubts and insecurities brew, I went deep into my own conclusions that were without evidence, I let my jealousy get the best of me.’

Fred brought your knuckles to his lips. ‘y/n love, I’m sorry. I love you and if you want a space, I understand. But there is no a day in this world where I would not rather be back in your loving arms. I hope that you could forgive me.’

‘Freddie, I forgive you.’ You cup his tear stained cheek. ‘It was just a stupid misunderstanding.’

Gesturing for him to sit beside you ‘I thought it was common knowledge that Oliver and I are cousins. Apparently not. Yes, we weren’t that close before.’ You admitted. ‘But we really did get to know each other in the summer. 5 weeks either being sounded by adult relatives or small children, we hung out often, being the only 2 cousins similar in age.’

You return back into a more serious tone. ‘Of course, I did wish you had voiced it out, we could have avoided this conflict altogether. So, promise me this. Whatever problems may arise, before we delved into our own assumptions, we would always talk it out. Alright?’

‘I promise.’

Taglist [All/General]: @gruffle1

Tagging also all those who voted for the~Oliver Wood Cousin!Reader x Jealous!Fred Weasley~ Thank you! @jenniweaslee @ najiler @ im-the-nerdiest-of-them-a11 @ gweaslvy and the lovely anons!

#fred weasley x reader #oliver wood x reader #fred weasley imagine #oliver wood imagine #fred weasley angst #fred weasley fluff #fred weasley imagines #harry potter imagine #harry potter x reader #weasley twins #george weasley x reader #oliver wood imagines #fandomscombine writes

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mummybear · 4 years ago

Text

Borrowed Time - Chapter One - The New Guy

Words: 3173

Warnings: Swearing... think that’s it for this chapter :)

Characters: Dean Winchester, Reader, Mark (OC), Tiffany (OC), Mentions of Sam Winchester

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

A/N: So this is the first series I’ve written in a while or at least the first one I’ve posted! So I hope you guys like it! The next chapters will be out every Friday, until it’s finished :) The series will probably only be around 6 chapters long, but I really hope you enjoy it! Let me know If you want to be tagged in this series or in any of my other taglists :D

Beta: @negans-lucille-tblr Thanks babe ❤😘

Kofi: https://ko-fi.com/mummybear

Series Masterlist

You let out a shaky breath as you take your seat at the back of the class, hoping that he will just leave you alone today. One of the new guys at school had developed a thing for you, ever since you’d ignored him on his first day, it was like he was determined to get you to talk to him. Lately though he’s been getting under your skin, and you’re so close to giving in. Sure the guy was hot, in fact, he may have been the hottest guy you’d ever seen, but he was also one of the biggest players in the school. The exception being in the last two weeks, where he had barely spoken to another girl who wasn’t you. Safe to say that had started the rumour mill. Then you hear the murmuring starting in the room, and that unmistakable feeling prickles across your skin.

You fight the urge to look up, but it’s like your eyes are drawn to him, like some kind of magnet is connecting the two of you. You finally give in and look up to find him already watching you, gorgeous green eyes locked on yours. Trying to look away is pointless, you know that by now. You do you best to calm your nerves enough so that you’re finally able to drop your eyes to your desk, and start pulling out the things you need for the upcoming lesson.

That doesn’t stop your entire body tensing when the chair beside you scrapes along the floor loudly as it’s pulled out. It’s almost like you can feel the eyes of everyone in the hall turn on you. You can’t control the way that your body responds to the sound of his deep voice.

��Mind if I sit here, Y/N?” he asks quietly. You try and ignore the gasps that practically echo around the large room, as you force yourself to look up at him again.

Swallowing around the lump in your throat you nod.

“Um, yeah, sure. If you want to,” you answer shakily. You hate how your voice sounds, but if he’s noticed then he doesn’t let on. He gives you one of those panty dropping smiles as he takes the seat next to you, and you could swear your entire face flames bright red.

You inwardly roll your eyes when you see Tiffany Chase heading over to your table. You never understood how she had come to be the most popular girl on the campus, but clearly dating every guy in existence was a good trait to have these days. That was yet another reason you were glad about not being “popular”, whatever the hell that even meant.

She leans on your desk, until her tits are practically in Dean’s face, but to his credit, and your surprise he doesn’t look. Instead he sits back in his chair, eyes immediately fixed on hers, not wandering her body, or the cleavage she's so blatantly offering him. She makes a point not to even spare you a glance, which is completely fine since you have no interest in what she’s giving away.

“I thought you were gonna show me your car, baby? Why don’t you ditch the charity case and come and have some fun with a real woman?” she purrs seductively, curling her fingers around Dean’s loose tie.

You wish you were anywhere but here, but you know there’s no other seats in class now, so your only other option is to pray for the ground to swallow you whole. You’re a little taken aback though when Dean’s large hand wraps around her tiny wrist and pulls her hand away, still remaining surprisingly gentle, especially with the look of thunder that’s overtaken his features.

“Sorry, Tilly. Change of plans, I told you last week, and a few times this week… if memory serves. Besides, there’s only room for one woman in my life.” As he says this you feel his hand resting on your knee, and you turn to look at him to tell him to move. But you stop yourself when you see the pleading look on his face.

Tiffany scoffs in disbelief, and has a look on her face like he just slapped her.

“It’s Tiffany,” she corrects him sharply, before she turns her gaze on you. And you have to fight every instinct not to push your body back into your chair, instead you sit straighter, trying to keep your face neutral.

“Can you like… move or something. Dean and I really need to talk, I think you’re making him uncomfortable,” she huffs, as if your mere presence disgusts her.

“Sorry, Tiff. I think you're the one who’s making my boyfriend uncomfortable, actually. He’s just being too polite, could you please just leave us alone now? I believe he’s asked you enough.”

It takes everything you have not to throw up the contents of your stomach, where the fuck did that come from?! You inwardly scold yourself, trying to hold your nerve. But to your surprise, Dean takes your hand and gives it a squeeze, and throws his other arm over your shoulder.

His lips press to your ear, and you can’t hold back the shiver.

“Thank you, I owe you,” he whispers, and you can already feel the blush creeping up your neck, the entire class is staring at the three of you like you’re aliens. But Dean’s currently more than enough of a distraction.

Her shrill laugh echoes around the room, followed by most of her bitch club behind her.

“Oh sweetie, no. Don’t be silly now. There is no way on this planet that you could be his girlfriend, you’d be extremely lucky to get a pity fuck with a normal guy, but Dean? No way. Now move, before I move you.”

Your heart drops into your stomach, but you refuse to look away from her. However, before you can even utter a word, Dean’s voice drops to a low growl.

“I don’t give a shit about your name, or you. You don’t get to talk to her like that, and you lay a finger on her, I promise you’ll regret it. So, whatever your name is, unless you want me to tell Mark that you’re trying to fuck me... and just about every other guy you set your eyes on, I suggest you go back to your own seat. But first, I think you owe my girlfriend a fucking apology.” You watch the colour all but drain from her face.

You lick your lips nervously as you turn to look at him, seeing the fire burning in his eyes, but his eyes don’t move from Tiffany’s face.

“Dean, it’s okay. It doesn’t matter,” you whisper sounding a little desperate even to your own ears. You rest your hand on his tensed bicep, trying to ignore the way you're clamping your thighs together, because this might just be the sexiest thing you’ve ever been a part of. Even if you had only started this ruse to get him out of an awkward situation. Nobody had ever defended you like this before, especially not this publicly.

“Oh, it does matter, baby girl. Isn’t that right?” Dean asks, mock sweetness in his voice and his arm tightens around your shoulders.

“F-Fine. I’m sorry, Y/N,” she responds the best she can with the amount her voice is shaking, before hurrying back to her friends.

The teacher walks in the classroom, forcing everyone's attention to the front, and you try to ignore the sense of loss you feel when his arm leaves your shoulders. But that feeling is quickly replaced when he takes your hand and links your fingers with his, and rests them on the table top between you.

“Dean, we should talk,” you whisper, when the teacher turns back to the board.

“Later, sweetheart, wouldn’t want you getting in trouble,” he smirks, pressing a lingering kiss to your already flaming red cheek.

Unfortunately, you don’t get time to talk to Dean, and you don’t see him after your last lesson either. You try to ignore the snickering and staring as you start to walk through the parking lot to make your way home, though it affects you more than you’d care to admit. When you don’t see any sign of him, you continue to walk lost in thought, knowing that it will take you at least half an hour but it’s worth it, because you can’t stay here.

You’ve been walking for about ten minutes when you hear a car roll to a stop behind you, the soft purr of the engine calming slightly as the window is wound down. You can’t help but smile as you turn around, and sure enough, there he is. Sitting in the driver's seat with a cocky smirk on his face. He leans over to the passenger side and pushes the door open, “you gonna get in, sweetheart? We can talk while I drive you home.”

You walk closer and fold your arms over your chest, raising your eyebrows at him through the now open car door.

“And what makes you so sure I wanna get in your car?” you ask through your own smirk.

“Come on now, is that any way to speak to your boyfriend? Just get that sexy ass in the car so that we can talk.” There’s a teasing note to his voice, and your smile widens despite yourself.

“Fine. I’ll get in… but only because we do need to talk,” you tell him, trying not to laugh as you climb in the front seat and close the door behind you.

“Whatever you have to tell yourself, princess,” he laughs, tossing his sunglasses in the backseat. You give him your address, and he quickly works out the new route, before starting to drive again. He clears his throat and shifts awkwardly where he sits, before glancing between you and the road.

“I owe you, for what you did today in class. You didn’t need to save my ass, but you did it anyway. I really appreciate that.”

You blush shyly as you look at him, “I was going to apologise honestly. I don’t know what came over me, I guess I just wanted to help out… somehow, I know people can be a lot for anyone, no matter who you are,” you laugh awkwardly, rubbing your clammy hands over your skirt.

Dean shakes his head, and a smile crosses his plump lips.

“Sweetheart, don’t apologise, you did me a massive favour and I really can’t thank you enough,” he sighs regretfully, as he pulls into your driveway.

You thank him for the ride, but before you move to climb out of the car he grabs hold of your wrist gently, and you turn back to him questioningly.

“Is everything okay, Dean?” you ask nervously, wondering what he might say. You’re not sure whether to lean in or turn away when he turns in his seat to face you.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and hands it to you with a smile, “can I have your number?” You’re a little surprised at how shy he sounds, but you smile as you take his phone.

“I just think it might be a little odd trying to play along with this, especially if we can’t even get ahold of each other.”

“You make a good point there, Winchester. But for the record, I would’ve given it to you anyway,” you smile fondly, phoning yourself from his phone, so that you have each other’s numbers, before handing it back.

“So… How long do you wanna play boyfriend and girlfriend?” you wonder aloud, noticing the way that he blushes and scratches at the back of his neck, before focusing back on you again.

Dean clears his throat and shifts closer to you.

“About that…” he trails off, and you feel a blanket of nervous confusion settle between the two of you.

“What about it?” you question nervously.

“Would you be okay if we stayed together, at least until I have to leave town, I know it’s a lot to ask, but…” before he can continue you cut him off, resting a hand on his thigh.

His eyes snap to yours, and you quickly pull your hand away and clear your throat.

“You don’t need to explain, Dean. Besides, it was my dumb ass that got us into this mess. It’s really the least I can do,” you smile genuinely, and an obvious moment passes between the two of you, a moment which is completely unexplainable. But there’s a knock on the window closest to you that pulls the two of you out of it.

You jump back harshly, your back practically slamming into Dean’s shoulder when someone leans against his car, and his head is already half way through the window.

“Damn, I almost didn’t believe it when Tiff told me you were seein’ some frigid bitch, Dean. You hit that yet?”

Dean growls, and you can feel him stiffen beside you as he wraps a protective arm around your waist, like he can shield you from Mark’s words. It’s actually really sweet of him.

“Maybe you should tell your girlfriend to mind her own fucking business, and you should do the same, Mark. Before I put you on your skinny little ass.”

Mark lets out a deep boom of a laugh, and leans further into the car, his eyes sweeping over your body, clearly not taking Dean’s words seriously. It makes you feel nothing like Dean makes you feel when he looks at you, this guy makes your skin crawl and your stomach lurch.

“Shit, that’s gotta be one sweet pussy if she’s got you so whipped already.”

Before Dean can speak, you sit up a little straighter, and glare at Mark. Feeling Dean stiffen behind you gives you the confidence you need to get these words out.

“Why don’t you tell your whore of a girlfriend to stop trying to fuck my man, it’s really kind of pathetic. He’s not interested,” you huff out, hardly able to stand looking at him, so you turn to face Dean who’s smirking right at you, and way closer than you’d first imagined.

Mark starts to grumble something behind the two of you, but neither of you are really listening, and you can’t stop staring at Dean as he cups your cheek in his big hand.

“What she said,” Dean agrees easily, his husky voice sending shivers up your spine. You let his thumb brush your bottom lip, “you’re even sexier than usual when you’re jealous,” he smirks confidently, leaning in a little closer.

You swallow thickly, your fingers just barely manage to wrap around his wrist.

“Kiss me,” you whisper, watching as his eyes flick down to your lips, and he licks his own. There are so many reasons this is a bad idea, but for the life of you you can’t currently think of any.

Dean doesn’t even hesitate, before you can blink his lips are pressing against yours. The kiss is firm and his lips are so soft that you quickly lose yourself in the kiss, and you feel like your entire body is being drawn in by him.

He pulls back all too soon. His eyes are lidded as he looks at you, and his hand moves from your jaw, to cup the back of your neck. His hands feel huge, as he tugs lightly at your hair and you gasp against his parted lips.

“I s-should probably get going,” you whisper shakily, letting your fingers trace over the skin of his chest, where his shirt buttons are undone.

Neither of you even attempt to move, and before you think about it too much your lips are brushing against his again. He pulls you against him tightly and deepens the kiss, making you all but melt against him, and his hands remain firm against you as he effortlessly takes control of the kiss. You feel yourself edging closer, heart pounding in your ears and your head foggy, it takes everything you have to pull away from him, but you just about manage it. Looking up into his lidded eyes as you both pant hard, you swallow thickly and look over your shoulder, relieved to find that Mark has gone.

Dean cups your cheek when you turn back to him, his face the perfect picture of lust.

“You should go in, sweetheart. Or I might change my mind about letting you go… but I’ll text you tonight, okay?” he rasps, pecking your lips.

You can feel yourself blushing as you nervously bite your lip.

“What makes you think I want you to let me go?” you giggle as he leans in closer again, he’s so warm and smells incredible.

“Oh trust me, if this had anything to do with what I want to do, you’d already be screaming my name,” Dean all but growls.

“Dean.” His name is a whisper on your lips, and you can hear the blood rushing in your ears again.

Dean lets out a deep groan and shifts awkwardly in his seat.

“Shit, you don’t make it easy on a guy, sweetheart,” he smiles, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

“You live here by yourself?” he asks suddenly, nodding over to your house, clearly trying to change the subject.

You shake yourself from your heady daze, trying your best to concentrate on what he’s saying. Clearing your throat you give him a small nod, unable to stop the smile from crossing your lips.

“At the minute, yeah. It’s usually me and my best friend, but she’s away visiting family this week. It’s good though, much closer to campus than my parents’ house,” you explain happily, remembering the way that she had told you to take advantage of the free house, but then you notice a strange look crossing his face.

“Sounds nice. I’ve never really had anywhere like this, my family didn’t really stay anywhere too long, not since my mom died. My dad has to travel a lot for work, and I’m learning the ropes, so I can take over one day.”

Your heart aches for him, and you have no idea how it’s even possible to feel this close to someone you’ve only known for a little over a month.

“I’m so sorry, Dean. It doesn’t sound like you’ve had much time to just be you. If you ever need to get away, I have no intention of moving any time soon, you’re welcome to stay here,” you tell him softly, resting a gentle hand on his arm, until he finally looks at you again.

“Thanks, sweetheart. That means more than you know, and I promise I’ll text you later. We can talk more then, okay?”

You lean in close and press your lips against his, the kiss lingers a little, before you finally pull away and whisper against his lips, “I’ll be holding you to that, Dean.”

Bold wont tag guys sorry!

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