#I will def feel horribly mind crushing guilt about it for a while

[angelpuns]

Kid Leo Au: Reunion

Part 16!!!

To everyone that guessed Leo was gonna feel guilty about smthn that hasn't even happened yet, here's a heart <3 good job! He is predictable this time around :)

Yeah I do think Leo would feel guilty both about it happening in the past and the idea that Raph WOULD DO IT AGAIN IF HE THOUGHT IT WOULD WORK!!

Anyway,

NEXT TIME ON KID LEO...UH OH!!!

Side note I am gona try and start adding prev links, but only to upcoming updates cause the amount of time it would take to go back and do it to the entirety of Kid Leo is just wayyy too much and I have a day job :) But I will try them from now on, since they've been requested! If I end up thinking it's too much trouble in the future I may stop, but we'll just see how it affects the posting process.

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[ofloyalheart-a]

💗 for elena.

💗 Has my muse ever been in love?

so this is a little complicated because the who, what, where, when, why changes on a ship to ship basis. especially because i’m a complete sucker for pre-established relationships. so i’m gonna write the answer out IN GENERAL and then i’m gonna tack on some disgusting shippy stuff so stick around if u wanna see me gush abt how much ellie loves cullen. 

anyway, no matter what ship i’m writing the answer is yes but in most cases only once. i’ve talked about him before and i’ll probably talk about him until i die because i love him a lot, but while elena was in montsimmard she befriended by a mage named gilbert. in most cases (where there isn’t a pre-established relationship present), she’d never really been interested in anyone in the circle beyond a crush or two, but something about him catches her attention. he’s sweet and he’s gentle and he’s EXTREMELY patient. he enjoys being around her despite the fact that, especially during her earlier days in montsimmard, she’s a complete trainwreck. he’s the one who peruses a relationship. he’s the one who comforts her when she wakes up from nightmares. he’s the one who talks her through her panic attacks and teaches her different coping mechanisms. and she doesn’t really know when it happened or how or why, but she finds herself falling for him pretty hard. 

their relationship is a fairly long one as well. they’re involved with each other for around six years. the entire time ellie is very much in love with him, but she tends to keep him at arms length. a lot of her anxiety comes from losing the people she loves and her initial reaction to that fear is to keep everyone just far enough away that she thinks she might not get hurt. it backfires, obviously, and she ends up losing him to a really bad infection & fever. this sort of causes two different things that effect her heavily in inquisition: she is painfully aware of the fact that she isn’t a healer and she’s horrible with healing and she feels very inadequate because of it && she feels insanely guilty over the fact that she never let him as close as she wanted to/should have. he braided her a cord (purple & blue) while they were together and she wears it on her wrist or in her hair AT ALL TIMES. it takes a lot of convincing from people to get her to take it off. 

so yeah, she carries that guilt with her FOR SURE and it factors pretty heavily into almost all of her relationships. now for the answer you probably want…

ok so…ellie is 100% the kind of person who believes in love at first sight, but i think that it’s most obvious in her relationship w/ cullen. she is completely taken with him from the MOMENT she sets eyes on him in kinloch. she thinks he is, without a doubt, the cutest boy she’s ever seen in her entire life. i think she’s kind of shocked by how much she likes him, and her crush only gets worse/stronger as time goes on. she goes out of her way to see him and then goes out of her way again to make him smile and laugh because she’s a complete SUCKER for his smile & his laugh. it probably evolves from puppy love to something more serious pretty slowly, but it’s def noticeable. like she can’t really tell where/when it went from “wow you’re really cute” to “i won’t let them take you away from me”. 

and it scares her. she’s never really liked someone, let alone really LOVED someone, but she loves cullen. she loves him so much that sometimes it feels completely out of her control. sometimes she feels like she’s drowning in the feeling. and then…things go wrong. first people find out about them and then the blight happens and she loses everything. her home, her entire family, and the person she loves all in one blow. they’re gone. and she doesn’t cope with it well. she’s in a worse state of mind for her relationship with gilbert in verse where she had a relationship in kinloch because she never gets closure. she’s never gotten any closure. it went from 100 to 0 so fucking fast. 

i could write forever about how badly it messes her up and how guilty it makes her feel. she feels like she’s not fit to be loved and she’s afraid to fall again and it plays into a lot of her self confidence issues. bc she’s not good enough. she wasn’t good enough to protect cullen OR her family in kinloch and she wasn’t good enough to save gilbert so..

if she’s no good at fighting and protecting and she’s no good at healing and saving, WHAT GOOD IS SHE AT ALL?