#I watched waitress for the first time today and bawled my eyes out

[rateatinginsulation]

Bad idea chainshipping animatic urghhh....

[kookiebunnii]

d4u || a-tier healthcare

aug. 2018. finally moved back in today. i needed to get something for classes this year, but jungkook’s gone and hurt himself again. i swear the boy barely functions when he stays up all night playing overwatch. if he keeps this up, well, he better like hello kitty band-aids. 

pairing: best friend!jungkook x reader

genre: slice of life

word count: 1.4k

warnings: brief mentions of blood (like .2 seconds worth)

Most people you knew absolutely dreaded when school started. As soon as August and September roll around like a couple of snickering troublemakers, your fellow collegians would weep knowing that classes and exams were about to insert themselves into their schedules. It meant that summer, and all the freedom and laughter associated with it, was coming to an end. Instead of enjoying the bright sunshine and baby blue skies every day, the scenery was being replaced with drab grey walls and chairs that felt uncomfortable no matter how you sat.

Surprisingly enough, it didn’t really bother you all that much. You had spent summer working full-time at a relative’s restaurant as a waitress, meaning that you never got the chance to really take a vacation. The three months you were blessed with passed by like a blur. They were filled with placating tipsy adults or bawling infants, carrying as many plates as you could in your arms without spilling mystery sauce all over yourself, and bringing yourself to smile consistently on an 8-hour shift. It was far from an ideal summer, to say the least. In fact, you were relieved that classes were starting. Now, you could work and learn about concepts you were actually interested in. Besides, it also meant that you would get to move back into your apartment near university, which you shared with Jungkook. The boy loved traveling and spent most of his time jumping from one destination to another, filming small videos for G.C.F. You could count on one hand the amount of times you spent physically with him over the break, and as much as it pained you to admit—you missed watching him embarrass himself on the daily.

Late August was still warm, teetering curiously between summer and the beginning of autumn. You had just finished moving back into your place, feeling refreshed with a shower after the long trip. Deciding to head out and do some stationary shopping before preparing dinner, you pulled on your favorite shoes. It wasn’t like you needed anything in particular, since you’d keep the same 3-subject notebook from last year-- but the store you loved always had the cutest animal-shaped post-its. Surely it couldn’t hurt to find some (FaveAnimal) ones for this quarter, just to start off on the right foot.

Humming to yourself, you bounded down the stairs of your complex while double-checking your pockets for all your personal items. As you walked at a leisurely pace, you began wondering what Jungkook could be doing at this hour. You saw that his things were already back in his room, meaning that he was back for school as well. Maybe you’d make some pasta for the two of you when you get back, since he always liked when you cooked for him.

“Y/N!”

Hearing your name causes you to look up, realizing that the familiar saying really was true: speak (or in this case ‘think’) of the Devil and he shall appear.

“Guk?” you ask, observing the way he’s slightly favoring his left side as he walks towards you, “You good?”

You can see him wince as he approaches, but still trying hard to brush the pain off with a silly grin, “Not exactly.”

Pulling at his wrist, you realize that the skin on the side of his hand is broken and bloody. There’s dirt and bits of granite adhering to his skin, streaks of dried blood all over. You stay silent as you look down to observe his knee, seeing that his jeans are ripped with red stains that definitely weren’t part of any fashion statement. He had hurt his knee as well.

“Did you fall?” you guess, letting go of his arm to look him in the eyes questioningly.

“I bought a penny board over the summer since my classes are sorta far from each other this quarter. Guess I need more practice,” he shrugs nonchalantly before walking in the direction of your apartment, waving you away.

Frowning as you watch his back retreat where you came, you realize that by being the stupid worrywart you are, you only had one real choice in this scenario.

Sorry cute stationary, mommy’s gonna have to reschedule.

Sprinting to catch up with him, you silently walk beside him as the two of you head back inside the apartment. Even though he struggles up the stairs a little, you don’t hold him up or anything like that. You know that he hates when people treat him like a kid, so you’ve grown accustomed to accepting his stubbornness. Unless he’s literally on death’s door or asks for your help, you let him be responsible for himself.

Leaning his new penny board against the doorway, he enters the apartment with a sigh before heading to the bathroom to clean his wounds. Clicking your tongue like a disapproving mother, you head to the kitchen to look for the first-aid kit. After a couple of mishaps involving the kitchen knife and your clumsy fingers, you learned that that was the best place to keep it.

Pulling out some bandages, rubbing alcohol wipes, and anti-scarring cream, you follow him into the bathroom.

From the faucet, water runs over his hand as he gently brushes blood and dirt away from the injury. You can tell it hurts by the way his jaw is tight, and a small part of you feels bad to see him in any sort of pain…even if that pain is probably due to him trying out a trick he saw on Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater or something.

“Give me.”

You grab his hand and turn off the faucet. Patting his hand dry with his towel hanging from the side, you look at it closely to make sure the opening in his skin is relatively clean. Satisfied, you open up an alcohol swab and smile widely, “This is gonna hurt a lot!”

“Why am I not surprised that you seem to be happy saying that? Whatever…just hurry up” he looks at you blankly, but you can still feel his arm tense at your words.

You start with a quick and heavy swipe, and to his credit, he doesn’t even flinch. You follow up with more gentle administrations before tossing the wipe into the trash. The anti-scarring scream is cooling, so he’ll probably enjoy it a bit more.

After finishing up his hand, you let it go and catch his round, brown eyes staring at you. You stare back for two seconds before sticking your tongue out and causing him to laugh.

“Alright string bean, show me those kneecaps,” you roll up your sleeves to show that you mean business.

“On the first date? Damn,” he whistles before starting to unbutton his jeans.

“Alright I guess you’ll be handling your knee yourself.”

Closing the door behind you, you can literally feel the amusement radiating from him in waves through the wood. It was a wonder to you that he could be so casual and teasing with you, but once he sees a pretty female within a 10-mile radius, he’d act like a frightened rabbit. After all these years with him, he probably didn’t even see you as a woman. It didn’t particularly bother you, since you were just as friendly with him as he was with you. He’s seen you walk around the house with bed hair and dark circles, so you never felt the need to be cautious or nervous around him. The two of you cared for each other in a comfortable, relaxed way.

As you pull out tomatoes and fresh herbs from the fridge, you hear Jungkook leaving the bathroom. He fills up his favorite Overwatch mug with some water and takes loud gulps as you begin cutting your ingredients and boiling a large pot of water over the stove for the spaghetti.

“Pasta?”

You make a noise of affirmation. He gives the top of your head a few gentle pats which you understood as him thanking you for everything. You stop in mid-chop to pat his hand atop your head in response to let him know that it wasn’t a big deal at all. The beginnings of his special bunny smile start creeping in, and you resist the urge to tickle him to hide your own embarrassment. Just as you open your mouth to say something, he messes up your hair and runs into his room before you can get a punch in.

You wonder if he’s actually 21 this year or 11.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

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[tanzaniiite]

the one that got away // kaminari x reader

requests: OPEN

warnings: nsfw-ish. oh no! i spilled all the angst! oh, cursing.

word count: 1,890

song inspo: “The One That Got Away” by Katy Perry, yup it’s a song fic

a/n: fun fact; i use to hate song fics, now i love them lol. also (F/L/N) = first letter of name

summer after high school, when we first met

Kaminari stared at you in awe as you expertly balanced several plates on both arms. “Careful Denki, you might slobber all over the menu" Sero joked, as he watched his friend drool over the new waitress. The blonde snapped out of his daze and glared slightly at the goofball in front of him. “Shut up dude. Look at her, she’s gorgeous!” He exclaimed, turning around to find you again. Sero rolled his eyes, “Bro, you say that about every girl. Plus you’re a hero now, you have a reputation to keep up” He lightly scolded, shaking his head. Kaminari groaned, “Ugh, you sound like Aizawa” He stated, still watching you take other people’s orders. The raven-haired man laughed, “I can see the tabloids now: New hero.. horny as fuck!” He joked. Kaminari turned back to his best friend, “Shut. Up.” He seethed, full-on glaring now. Sero blinked before laughing loudly, “Was I suppose to take that baby glare seriously?!” He asked rhetorically, his laughter now roaring throughout the diner. You turned to see where all the commotion was coming from and smiled slightly, ‘They seem interesting’ You thought, making your way to their table.

“Hello I’m Y/n, I’ll be serving you today. Can I start you boys off with some drinks?”

we make-out in your mustang to Radiohead

You straddle Kaminari and grind against him slightly as you kiss his neck and leave serval marks for the world to see. The blonde underneath you groans in pleasure as his hands go under your shirt and squeeze your chest. You let out a breathy laugh, “You’re such a pervert” You joke, pulling away to look at your boyfriend. Kaminari grinned at you, “But I’m your pervert- wait no. I’m not a pervert” He stated, trying to fix his mistake. You laughed loudly, leaning your weight onto him in the process, “I’m joking babe!” You said, still laughing and he started laughing with you. You guys were still in the early stages of your relationship, so you were both feeling your way around. Your laughter slowed into giggles as you pushed his bangs out of his face and cupped his cheeks. “God you’re so cute,” You said, squishing his cheeks together and pecking his lips. “What? Don’t you find me sexy? Irresistible?” He asked, pouting slightly. You giggled some more, “Of course I do. I just.. I don’t know how I got so lucky” You sighed, smiling slightly. Kaminari shook his head, “No, I’m the lucky one. I basically won the lotto” He stated.

and on my eighteenth birthday, we got matching tattoos

“Oh my god Denki, you’re such a baby. They didn’t even start yet” You teased, looking at your boyfriend, who was already bawling his eyes out. Kaminari whipped his head to look at you, “I’m afraid of needles! You know this!” He cried, tensing as the tattoo artist approached him. “Babe, you’re only getting an (F/L/N). See I already got my K” You explained, holding up your wrist. “I’m sorry, I can’t. I feel like I’m gonna pass out” He stated, pushing his hair back. You roll your eyes playfully, “Okay okay my big baby, a permeant marker will have to do” You said, getting up from the chair and kissing his forehead gingerly. “Please never take me to a place with needles ever again” The blonde begged, holding your hand and kissing it repeatedly. You chuckled and caressed his cheek, “Oh baby.. you have a doctor’s appointment next week” You said, breaking the news as lightly as possible. You felt bad for laughing as Kaminari’s face turned into a horrified expression.

used to steal your parent’s liquor and climb on the roof, talk about the future like we had a clue

“So, do you think you’ll make it to the top ten Pro-Hero list?” You asked, your head on Kaminari’s shoulder as you both watched the sunset slowly. The blonde shrugged, “Once upon a time, I thought I would but.. I’m not as good as Deku, Shoto, Ground-Zero, etc. I’m just happy to be a Pro-Hero y’know?” He stated, looking at the neighborhood kids playing tag. You nodded slightly, “Well if it matters, you’ll always be my number one hero,” You said, grazing your thumb over his knuckles. Kaminari paused and looked at you, “Really?” He whispered. Your face immediately heated up, “Oh my god, that was so cheesy. I’m sorry” You apologized, as you took a huge swig of beer. Your boyfriend laughed slightly, “No no, it’s cheesy don’t get me wrong. But I like cheesy” He said, kissing your nose, laughing again when your face scrunched up. You blushed more, staring intently at the roof tiles of your house, “Whatever man” You mumbled. Kaminari kissed your cheek and whispered in your ear, “If I had to be anyone’s hero, I’m glad I’m yours”.

never planned that one day i’d be losing you

Distance. That’s what was growing between you and your goofball of a boyfriend. The honeymoon stage was officially over, you thought it would never end given that you guys have been together for a solid year and a half. But the crime rate was increasing and with that so was Kaminari’s workload. You understood that a hero’s work never really stopped but he has vacation days, why wouldn’t he use them? You knew he just wanted to help, to feel useful but you felt useless. You felt like you were just an object in his life, he comes home to your shared apartment so late, every day. And every day you wait for him, worried sick that a villain might do more than just rough him up. And what do you get in return? A simple “Hey babe” or a light peck to the cheek.

You don’t mean to be ungrateful but would it kill him to take a day or two off. One day to rest and the other day to spend time with you. It didn’t feel like you were living with him, you practically lived by yourself. He came home late in the night just to leave again in the wee hours of the morning. And this is frustrating, you were frustrated. This leads to fights that never seemed to end. You tried explaining to him how you felt and how he shouldn’t work himself to the brink of exhaustion. Does he listen? No. Instead, he brushes you off, calls you clingy and needy. Ha! As if he wasn’t the one begging you for a quickie in the morning right before he left for the whole day.

To put it simply; you just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Y/n… what are you doing?” Kaminari asked as he walked into your guy’s bedroom. “Packing.” You answered sharply, shoving a bunch of clothes into a small suitcase. “Why? Did you plan a trip? I can’t go, you know my workload-“ He started. “Is heavy. I know” You replied, curling your fists ever so slightly. “And this is not a trip, I’m going to stay with a friend for a while,” You said, zipping the suitcase and taking it off the bed. “What for?” The blonde asked. You grit your teeth, could he be any more of an idiot? But god, did you love this idiot. “I don’t know Kaminari, you tell me,” You said, finally facing him and crossing your arms. He flinched slightly at the use of his last name, “Um, I don’t know babe” He said, turning around to take off his hero costume.

You bit your tongue, to stop yourself from saying something harsh. “We barely spend any time together. You come home so late and leave so early, I might as well live by myself at this point. You clearly don’t take my feelings into consideration given the fact that you haven’t taken a day off in down there a year-“ You rambled, combing your fingers through your hair as you walked around the room. “Babe. You know what I do for a living, I can’t just take a day off. That’s not how it works” The blonde stated, looking at you. You laughed bitterly, “That’s exactly how it works. You’re not the only Pro-Hero Denki, the world won’t fall apart if you take a day off” You explained. Kaminari stared at you for a bit before shaking his head and resuming to take off his costume. “See? This is the shit I’m talking about, you’re not listening to me” You say, glaring at him.

“I am listening to you. But you’re not making sense, you knew what I did way before we started dating. This isn’t something I just sprung onto you out of nowhere. You know this” He said plainly, before changing into pajamas and walking into the bathroom. You followed him, “I understand what you do and why you do it. What I don’t understand is the harm of you taking a day off to tend to yourself? To tend to me?” You asked. The blonde rolled his eyes, something he rarely did, he was getting annoyed. “You have friends, if you want attention, hang out with them” He replied, picking up his toothbrush. “I can spend time with my friends forever. But they’re not you, Denki” You whispered, as tears stung your eyes. You were tired, so tired. All you wanted was to spend time with him, just one day. Was that really too much to ask for?

in another life, i would make you stay

You tried, you honestly tried. You loved this man so much, it hurt. But it hurt more that he didn’t seem to care. So you left, and in the back of your head, you hoped that he would chase after you. Try and stop you. Tell you that you were making a mistake, that he would change his ways if it meant that you stayed. And if he did any of that, you would’ve stayed. Because it would show that he cared. But he didn’t do any of that, not a single thing. He let you go, he let you walk out the door without putting up a fight. The blonde figured you were upset and wanted to give you space, he didn’t want to add fuel to the fire.

so i don’t have to say you were the one that got away

He wanted to give you time to cool off before he approached you. Too bad he didn’t get the chance to approach you again. There he sat, on the kitchen floor, reading a letter he thought was a figment of his imagination. Kaminari reread the letter over and over but no matter how many times he read it, the words never changed. You left. Yes, you were upset but you weren’t leaving to blow off steam, you were leaving for good. How could he be so stupid? The blonde covered his mouth as he choked back a sob, he was going to take off. He was going to spend a whole week with you, just you and nobody else. Kaminari saw the error in his ways and was trying to fix it by saving vacation days and picking up extra patrols. Just so he could take off a full consecutive week off. Damn, only if you had held out a little longer. Maybe, just maybe, you wouldn’t have been…

the one that got away

[slightlyobsessedwithstories]

I Can't Believe It's Over

Summary: Steven watches his favorite series come to an end and talks to Connie about it.

Notes: Look it's fluff. That's it it's just some comfort that's still very much needed even if it has been over a week now. Also it's around 1800 words.

 Steven was fixated on the screen before him, dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep. The first rays of sunlight shined through the window as one of multiple alarms rang. 

 'It's almost here! It's almost here!' he thought as he turned off almost all of the 10 alarms. It was the final episode of his favorite series, Crying Breakfast Friends! 

 Well, technically CBF! ended a few years ago and this was its epilogue series, but still, it was practically the sixth season of the show.

 He usually woke up at this time, but he's been up all night, theorizing how Spilled Milk could solve all of their problems, especially with Glum Glass (who he shipped them with.)

 He was just so excited that he stayed up all night. He kept floating anyway, so it's not like he could sleep on the ceiling. He was up all night, sharing his theories and headcanons while looking through some of the fanart that have come from the episode that was released last week.

 He still couldn't believe it was the last episode, it's been running for years. He can still remember the first episode like it was yesterday.

 One last alarm rang as he opened a streaming app that made him watch with fellow fans, whatever happens next he's sure it would be good.

 An hour and many, many tears later, Connie was calling him for their bi-weekly breakfast together. However Steven was still in bed, a river of tears streaming down his face as the credits rolled.

 He was literally crying over Spilled Milk, but that really isn't important right now.

 He wiped his tears on the sleeves of his pajamas and went downstairs to wash his face. His eyes were still a bit puffy, but maybe Connie wouldn't notice.

 Steven went back toward the bed, sinking a bit. He took a few deep breaths, and finally answered her call.

 "Good morning, Steven!" Connie greeted. She was in a diner, judging by the tables and chairs behind her. It was close to full and people were having different conversations, but it wasn't too loud that he couldn't hear her.

 "Morning, Connie," he yawned right after greeting her, hoping to mask his sadness with tiredness.

 It didn't work. Connie has started to be concerned, "Steven? Are you alright?"

 "Yeah I'm fi—"

 The universe has a cruel sense of irony, it seems. As he was only midsentence as he saw the glass of milk and the plate filled with fried eggs and crispy bacon and started to sob again.

 "I-I can't believe it's over!"

 He shuts his mouth, was that too loud? He covers his face with the pillows until he hears Connie talking. She's awkwardly explaining to the people around her; he wipes some of the tears with his sleeve while he apologizes for shouting.

 Connie goes back to her seat, visibly relieved. Whether it's because she doesn't have to talk to another stranger or because she knows what's happening with him, it's unknown to him. Maybe it's a little bit of both.

 She turns to Steven and asks one question with a knowing look in her eye, "Your favorite series just ended, didn't it?"

 "Wait... how- how did you know?" 

 "I know how that feels," she ate some of her bacon and continued, "I've read so many novels, The Spirit Morph Saga was just one of many books I've obsessed for years!"

 Steven listened to her every word as she gushes about some of her favorite books. It's been years since he heard of it, he still remembered Connie introducing him to the saga. He still loves the ending to this day, though he doesn't know if she still feels the same about the ending years later.

 "Oh, sorry I got into a tangent there."

 "It's okay, I love hearing you being so passionate."

 There was a slight blush on her cheeks; she proceeded to drink the milk to hide it. "So..Anyways, what was the name of the series that just left you in tears today?"

 Now it was his turn to be embarrassed, how exactly is he going to explain that he's been watching a cartoon for the past six years? He doesn't know what kind of shows she's watched!

 But she wouldn't judge him for that, so might as well just say it, "It's Crying Breakfast Friends."

 "I thought that show ended years ago?"

 "Well, yes, but technically no, so the original show, Crying Breakfast Friends did end a few years ago, but its epilogue series, Bawling Brunch Friends ended today."

 "So... were you satisfied with the ending?"

 She was answered with more tears, "It was so bittersweet!"

 Okay, now she needed to be there with him. "I'm going to finish up here, okay? I'll be there in a minute!"

 Connie ended the call, finished her breakfast, tipped the waitress, and ran outside to Lion all under one minute.

 A portal opened up in the beach house's living room with Connie and Lion going out from it.

 "Thanks, Lion," she said while giving his mane a few pats. He gave a cute little smile and proceeded to sleep near the sofa. 

 Of course she had to give him some pets, besides it was only a few seconds till a full minute passes and she ran up the stairs.

 She knows the feeling, sure she wasn't as sentimental when some of her favorite series ended, but she knows how empty it feels at first.

 She wonders how Steven's handling it.

 ...

 Just the sight of his bed tells it all.

 It's a bit messy and tear-stained, the impression of Steven has been there for a while making the teen that was on the bed sink even further into it. Near the pillows were some toys and old plushies of the characters in the show, Steven himself holding two of them in his arms while under his comforter.

 He was clutching the plushies of a carton of milk and a glass, keeping them close together. He hasn't noticed that she's here, but to be fair she hasn't spoken a word since she came up.

 "Hi, Steven." He freezed up for a second, but he was still silent. "Mind if I join you in there?"

 She saw his head nodding and making some space for her; she joined him under the covers.

 He was looking at some fanart of all the characters together, waving goodbye at the audience as the words, "Thank you Samantha Pepper!" appear above them.

 "So.. I remembered seeing a few episodes." Connie shifted closer to Steven, "It looked like a fun, silly cartoon from some of the episodes I've seen."

 He chuckled at that, a bit too much judging by Connie's confused reaction.

 "It was a fun, silly show at first. I rewatched the whole series preparing for this, and wow, there was a lot of stuff that went over my head."

 "Just how serious this show is after the first season, all of the foreshadowing, each character's arc and how much they've changed compared to now!"

 "I want to tell you everything, but at the same time I don't want to spoil stuff." Steven's started to float while he was talking and he hasn't noticed yet. "There's just so much that's better appreciated when it hasn't been spoiled and I haven't even talked about—"

 "Steven, the ceiling!"

 He looks up and floats in place, just inches away from hitting his head. "Thanks Connie." Steven starts to float down.

 "No problem."

 "Why didn't you stop me when I was starting to float?"

 Now it's her turn to fluster him, she gave a shy smile and said, "Sorry Steven, I was distracted with how cute you are when you're passionate."

 He was so flustered that his powers failed him at that moment and he fell on the bed, bouncing both him and Connie a few times.

 They were both giggling as they laid together on the bed. Steven teasing Connie about using the line he used earlier... until they notice the mess that was made and cleaned it up.

 "This show means a lot to you, huh?" she says as she collects the toys that fell onto the floor.

 "Yeah... I miss it," Steven helps in collecting the plushies. He grabs the Spilled Milk and Glum Glass plushies and keeps them together.

 They both help each other in fixing the comforter on the bed and laid back on it.

 Connie can hear him sniffling right next ro her. Guess he's skipped the other stages of grief and went headfirst to depression.

 "Why did it only sink in now? I'll never see these characters again!"

 Okay, that's it. She needs to tell him this. She turns Steven around, looking him in the eyes.

 "You can always rewatch the show, right?" A nod.

 "You can always make your own fanart, right?" Another nod.

 "And there's also other people's fan creations. Sure, the show's over, but people would still create more stories and art with these characters." Tears have stopped.

 "You can love and appreciate all of the content creators in that fandom and their creations, right?" A small smile. She's getting to him.

 "And even if it's over, you know that the show would always be with you, right?"

 "Connie, I thought you didn't like being saccharine?"

 "Steeeven," she was teasing him, and she knows he is too, "I'm trying to comfort you."

 "I know, just wanted to hear you say it, because you like me." They were giggling again, but when they were finished he was staring at her with a smile, "Thanks Connie."

 "You know I'll always help you, Steven," she smiled back at him.

 "Yeah, even with your college prep, you still—"

 "Wait, don't you have more stuff to do?" Steven asked, looking a bit worried. 

 "Today's Saturday, Steven." Connie reminded him.

 "Oh... yeah," he rubbed his eyes, "thought it was still Friday."

 "You stayed up all night, didn't you?"

 "Can't blame me for being excited, besides I'm not that tired."

 A yawn escapes him at the end and he settles at the bed.

 "Ok maybe I'm a little bit tired. Talk to you later?"

 "You know the usual time," she gives him a kiss on the forehead, "see you later, Steven." 

 "I'll see you soon, Connie."

 And she goes down to Lion, who just woke up.

 As Steven hears the roar of Lion's portal go out, he opens his phone and looks back on the picture of everyone in the show again.

 Connie's right, it's a part of him now. Every memory, every laugh, and especially every tear that's shed—of sorrow and of joy.

 "Thanks for giving me tears to the very end."

[ah17hh]

Original by u/Hey-im-right-here via /r/emojipasta

Original by u/Hey-im-right-here

Free 🆓🆓 Churro Monologue

So I stopped at a Jack in the Box 🍱🍱🍱 on 🔛🔛 the way ↕️ here 👈👈, and the girl 👶👶👶 behind the counter said, “Hiya! Are you having an awesome 👍 day?” Not, “How are you doing today?” No 😣. “Are you having an awesome 👍 day?” Which is 🈶 pretty... shitty, because it puts the onus on 🔛🔛 me to disagree with her, like 😄😄 if I’m not having an “awesome day,” suddenly I’m the negative one 1️⃣1️⃣. Usually when ⏰ people 👫👫 ask how 🤔 I’m doing, the real answer ✅ is 🈶, I’m doing shitty, but I can’t say 🗣🗣🗣 I’m doing shitty because I don’t even have 🈶🈶 a good 👌👍🏾 reason to be doing shitty. So if I say 🗣🗣🗣, “I’m doing shitty,” then they say 🗣, “Why? What’s wrong?” And I have 🈶🈶🈶 to be like 😄😄, “I don’t know 🤔, all of it?” So instead, when ⏰ people 👫👫 ask how 🤔 I’m doing, I usually say 🗣🗣, “I am doing so great 🇬🇧🇬🇧.” But when ⏰ this ⬆ girl 👶👶 at the Jack in the Box 🍱🍱 asked me if I was having an awesome 👍 day, I thought, “Well, today I’m actually allowed to feel shitty.” Today I have 🈶 a good 👌👍🏾 reason, so I said to her, “Well, My Möm died,” and she immediately burst into tears 😂😂😂. So now I have 🈶 to comfort her, which is 🈶 annoying, and meanwhile, there’s a line 〰️〰️〰️ of people 👫👫 forming behind me who 💁 are all giving me these real judgy looks because I made the Jack in the Box 🍱🍱 girl 👶👶 cry 😂😂. And she’s bawling, and saying, “I’m sorry 💔, I’m so sorry 💔💔,” and I’m like 😄, “It’s fine, it’s fine” I mean 😏, it’s not fine but, you know 🤔, it’s... fine. And I would like 😄😄 to order 📑 a Double Jack Meal 🍽, and I’ve kinda got somewhere to be, so maybe less ➖➖ with the crying 😂 and more ➕ with the frying, huh 😕? [inhales] And the girl 👶 apologizes again and she offers me a free 🆓 churro with my meal 🍽🍽. As I’m leaving, I think 🤔🤔, “I just got a free 🆓🆓 churro because my mom 👪 died.” No 😣😣😣 one 1️⃣1️⃣ ever tells you that when ⏰ your 👉 mom 👪👪 dies, you get 🉐🉐🉐 a free 🆓🆓 churro. [Clears Throat] Anyway, I’m sorry 💔💔, that’s not part of the... [Clears throat] All right 👉. Okay 👌, here 👈👈 we go. Let’s do this ⬆. Here 👈👈 I am BoJack Horseman doing an eulogy, let’s go. Beatrice Horseman, who 💁 was she? What 😅 was her deal? Well, she was a horse 🐴, Uh, she was born 🐣🐣🐣 in 1938. She died in 2018. One 1️⃣1️⃣1️⃣ time ⌚, she went to a parade, and one 1️⃣1️⃣1️⃣ time ⌚, she smoked a cigarette 🚬 in one 1️⃣1️⃣ long inhale. I watched her do it. Truly remarkable woman 👧. Lived a full 🈵🈵 life 💓, that lady 👩. Just, all the way ↕️ to the end 🔚🔚🔚, which is 🈶, uh, now, I guess. Really makes you think 🤔🤔 though, huh 😕? Life 💓, right 👉👉? Goes by, stuff happens. Then you die ⚰⚰. Okay 👌. Well, that’s my time ⌚⌚, you’ve been great 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧! Tip your 👉 waitress! No 😣😣😣, I’m just kidding around, there’s no 😣😣 waitress. But seriously, that’s all I have 🈶🈶 to say 🗣 about my mother 👪👪👪. No 😣😣😣 point 🈯 beating a dead 💀 horse 🐴🐴, right 👉? So... now what 😅? I don’t know 🤔, Mom 👪👪, you got any ideas? Anything? Mom 👪? No 😣😣? Nothing 🈚 to contribute? Knock once if you’re proud 😤😤 of me. Can I just say 🗣 how 🤔 amazing it is 🈶 to be in a room with my mother 👪👪👪, and I can just talk 🗣🗣 and talk 🗣🗣 without her telling 🗣 me to shut up ☝☝☝ and make her a drink 🍹? Hey 👋, Mom 👪👪. Knock once if you think 🤔 I should shut up ☝☝☝. No 😣😣😣? You sure? I mean 😏😏, I don’t want 😋 to embarrass you, by making this ⬆ eulogy into a me-olgy, so, seriously if you want 😋 me to sit 💺💺💺 down ⬇⬇ and let someone else talk 🗣, just knock once. I will not be offended. No 😣😣😣? Your 👉 funeral ⚰⚰. Sorry 💔💔 about the closed casket ⚰, by the way ↕️↕️. She wanted ⚠ an open 👐👐👐 casket ⚰⚰,but, you know 🤔, she’s dead 💀 now, so who 💁 cares about what 😅 she wanted ⚠. No 😣😣😣, that sounds bad 📉. I’m sorry 💔. I think 🤔 that if she could’ve seen what 😅 she looked like 😄😄 dead 💀, she’d agree 👍👍👍 it’s better this ⬆ way ↕️↕️↕️. She kinda looked like 😄😄 a pissed off dinosaur 🦖. The coroner couldn’t get 🉐🉐🉐 her eyes 🤩 closed. So, now her face 😀😀😀 is 🈶 frozen ⛄⛄ in a mass of tremendous horror and anguish. Or as my mother 👪 called it, Tuesday! Tuesday! My mom 👪👪 called it Tuesday. Hey 👋, Mom 👪, what 😅 did you think 🤔 of that joke? You like 😄😄 that? You never ❌ did care for my comedy. Here’s a story. When ⏰ I was a teenager 👦👦, I preformed a comedy routine for my high 🆙🆙 school 🎓 talent show 📺📺📺. There was this ⬆ cool 😎😎 jacket 🧥 that I wanted ⚠ to wear because I thought it would make me look 👁 like 😄😄😄 Albert Brooks. For months, I saved up ☝ for this ⬆ jacket 🧥, but when ⏰ I finally had enough, I went to the store and it was gone. They had just sold it to someone else. So, I went home 👪👪 and told my mother 👪👪👪. She said, “Let that be a lesson. That’s the good 👌👍🏾 that comes from wanting 😋 things.” She was really good 👌👍🏾 at dispensing life 💓 lessons that always 🕔 seemed to circle 🉐🉐🉐 back ⬅️ to everything being my fault. But then, on 🔛🔛 the day of the talent show 📺, my mother 👪👪 had a surprise 🤨🤨 for me. She bought me the jacket 🧥. Even though she didn’t know 🤔 how 🤔 to say 🗣🗣 it, I knew 🤔 this ⬆ meant she loved me. Now, that’s a good 👌👍🏾 story about my mother 👪👪👪. It’s not true, but it’s a good 👌👍🏾 story, right 👉👉👉? I stole it from an episode of Maude I saw when ⏰ I was a kid 👦, where 🤷 she would talk 🗣🗣 about her father 👨👨👨. I remember when ⏰ I saw it, thinking 🤔 that’s the kind of story I want 😋 to tell 🗣 about my parents 👪 when ⏰ they die ⚰⚰. But I don’t have 🈶 any stories like 😄 that. All I know 🤔 about being good 👌👍🏾 I learned from TV 📺📺. And In TV 📺📺, flawed characters 🔣🔣 are constantly showing people 👫 they care with these surprising grand gestures. And I think 🤔🤔 that part of me still believes that’s what 😅 love 😍😍 is 🈶. But in real life 💓, the big gesture 🤲🤲 isn’t enough. You need to be consistent, you need to be dependently good 👌👍🏾. You can’t just screw everything up ☝☝☝ and then take a boat ⛴ out 🏎🏍 in the ocean 🦑🦑🦑 to save 💾💾💾 your 👉 best 🏆 friend 🐶🐶🐶, or solve a mystery, and fly 🐦🐦🐦 to Kansas. You need to do it everyday, which is 🈶 so... hard. When ⏰ you’re a kid 👦, you convince yourself that maybe the grand gesture 🤲🤲🤲 could be enough. That even though your 👉 parents 👪👪 aren’t what 😅 you need them to be, over and over, and over again, at any moment, they might surprise 🤨🤨 you, with something... Wonderful. I kept waiting for that, the proof, that even though my mother 👪👪👪 was a hard woman 👧👧👧, deep down ⬇⬇, she loved me and cared about me and wanted ⚠ me to know 🤔 that i made her life 💓 a little bit brighter. Even now, I find 🔍🔍🔍 myself waiting. Hey 👋 Mom 👪, knock once if you love 😍 me and care about me, and want 😋 me to know 🤔 I made your 👉 life 💓 a little bit brighter. My mother 👪👪 did not go gentle into that good 👌👍🏾 night 😴😴. She went clawing and fighting 🥊🥊🥊 and thrashing, hence the face 😀😀😀. If you’d seen her, I swear to god the only thing you’d be thinking 🤔🤔 about right 👉👉👉 now is 🈶 that I am nailing this ⬆ impression. I was in the hospital 🚑🚑🚑 with her through those last moments, and they were truly horrific, full 🈵🈵 of nonsensical screams and cries, but there was this ⬆ moment, this ⬆ one 1️⃣ instant of strange calm, where 🤷 she looked into my direction ☝☝☝ and said, “I see 👁 you.” That was the last thing she said to me. “I see 👁 you.” Not a statement of judgement or disappointment, just acceptance and the simple recognition of another person 👤👤👤 in a room. “Hello, there. You are a person 👤👤. And I see 👁👁👁 you.” Let me tell 🗣 you, it’s a weird 😕 thing to feel at 54 years old 👴👴👴, that for the first 🥇🥇 time ⌚ in your 👉 life 💓 your 👉 mother 👪👪👪 sees you. It’s an odd realization that it’s the thing you’ve been missing, the only thing that you wanted ⚠ all along, to be seen. And it doesn’t feel like 😄 relief 😅, to finally be seen. It feels mean 😏, like 😄, “Oh, it turns out 🏎🏍 that you knew 🤔 what 😅 I wanted ⚠, and you waited until the very last moment to give it to me.” I was prepared for more ➕➕➕ cruelty. I was sure that she would get 🉐🉐 in one 1️⃣ final zinger, about how 🤔 I let her down ⬇⬇, and about how 🤔 I was fat and stupid, and too tall to be an effective Lindy-hopper. How 🤔 I was needy and a burden and an embarrassment. All that I was ready for. I was not ready for “I see 👁👁👁 you.” Only my mother 👪👪👪 would be lousy enough to swipe me with a moment of connection 📶📶📶 on 🔛🔛 her way ↕️↕️ out 🏎🏍. But maybe I’m giving her too much credit. Maybe it wasn’t about connection 📶📶. Maybe it was a.. Maybe it was a “I see 👁 you,” like 😄😄😄, “I see 👁 you.” Like 😄, “You May have 🈶🈶 the rest 😪😪😪 of the world 🌎🌎 fooled, but I know 🤔 exactly who 💁 you are.” That’s more ➕➕ my moms speed 🚅. Or maybe she just literally meant “I see 👁👁 you. You are an object that has entered my field of vision.” She was pretty out 🏎🏍 of it at the end 🔚🔚, so maybe it’s dumb to try to attribute it to anything. Back ⬅️ in the 90’s I was in a very famous TV 📺 show 📺 called “Horsin’ Around. Please 🙏🙏🙏 hold your 👉 applause 👏👏👏. And I remember one 1️⃣1️⃣ time ⌚⌚, a fan asked me, “Hey, um, you know 🤔 that episode where 🤷 the horse 🐴🐴 had to give Ethan a pep talk 🗣, after Ethan finds out 🏎🏍 his crush 😊😊 only asked him to the dance 💃 because her friends were only having a dorkiest date 👫 contest 🏆🏆🏆? In all the shots of the horse 🐴🐴🐴, you can see 👁 a paper 🖨🖨🖨 coffee ☕ cup on 🔛 the kitchen 🍯🍯 counter, but in the shots of Ethan, the coffee ☕☕ cup’s missing. Was that because the show 📺 was making a statement, about the fluctuant subjectivity of memory and how 🤔 even two ✌✌✌ people 👫👫 can experience 💯 the same moment in entirely different ways?” And I didn’t have 🈶 the heart 😍😍 to be like 😄😄, “No, man 👦👦👦, some crew guy 👦👦👦 just left 👈👈👈 their coffee ☕ cup in the shot 🥃🥃.” So, instead, I was like 😄😄... “Yeah.” And maybe this ⬆ is 🈶 like 😄😄 the coffee ☕☕ cup. Maybe, we’re dumb to try to pin significance onto every little thing. Maybe, when ⏰ someone says, “I see 👁 you,” it just means, “I see 👁👁👁 you.” Then again, it’s possible she wasn’t even taking to me. Because, if I’m honest, she wasn’t even talking to me, she was looking past me. There was nobody else in the room. So I think 🤔🤔 she was talking to me, but, honestly, she was so far gone at that point 🈯🈯, who 💁 knows 🤔 what 😅 she was seeing. Who 💁 were you talking to, Mom 👪👪? Not saying, huh 😕😕? Staying mum? No 😣 rimshot there? God, whatever I’m paying you, it’s too much. Maybe, she saw my dad 👨. My dad 👨 died about ten years ago of injuries he sustained during a duel. When ⏰ your 👉 father 👨👨👨 dies, you ask yourself a lot of questions. Questions like 😄😄😄, “Wait, did you say 🗣🗣🗣 he died in a duel?” and “Who dies in a duel?” The whole thing was so stupid. Dad 👨 spent 😵😵😵 his entire life 💓 writing 🖊 this ⬆ book 📖, but he couldn’t get 🉐🉐 any stores to carry it, or any newspapers to review it. Finally, I guess one 1️⃣ newspaper 📰📰📰 thought he was hilarious, because they wrote a review and tore him to shreds. So, my father 👨, ever the Proud 😤😤 Mary, decided he would not stand for this ⬆ besmirch ment of his honor. He claimed the critic didn’t understand what 😅 it meant to be a man 👦, so he demanded satisfaction in the form of pistols at dawn 🌇🌇🌇. He wrote the paper 🖨🖨, this ⬆ letter ✉️✉️, saying anyone who 💁 didn’t like 😄 his book 📖📖📖, he would challenge to a duel, anyone in the world 🌎. He’d even pay 💸 for airfare to San 🇸🇲 Francisco and a night 😴 in a hotel 🏨. Well, eventually this ⬆ found it’s way ↕️↕️ to some kook in Montana, who 💁 was as batshit as he was and took him up ☝ on 🔛🔛🔛 the offer. They met at Golden Gate Park and agreed: ten paces, then shoot 💫. But in the middle 🖕🖕🖕 of the ten paces, Dad 👨 turned to ask the guy 👦 if he’d actually read 🛋🛋 the book 📖 and what 😅 he thought, but, not looking where 🤷 he was going, tripped over an exposed root and basked his head 💆💆💆 on 🔛🔛🔛 a rock 🧗‍♀️. I wish 🙏🙏🙏 I’d known to go to Jack in the Box 🍱 then. I could have 🈶 gotten a free 🆓 churro. It would’ve been nice to have 🈶🈶 gotten something to show 📺 for being the son of ButterScotch Horseman. My darling mother 👪 gave the eulogy. My entire life 💓 I have 🈶 never ❌ heard her say 🗣🗣 a kind word to or about my father 👨, but at his funeral ⚰ she said, “My husband is 🈶 dead 💀💀💀, and everything is 🈶 worse now.” “My husband is 🈶 dead 💀💀💀, and everything is 🈶 worse now.” I don’t know 🤔 why 🤔 she said that. Maybe she felt that’s the kind of thing you’re supposed to say 🗣🗣🗣 at a funeral ⚰⚰⚰. Maybe she hoped one 1️⃣ day someone would say 🗣🗣🗣 that about her. “My mother 👪👪 is 🈶 dead 💀, and everything is 🈶 worse now.” Or maybe she knew 🤔 he had frittered away all her inheritance, and replaced it with crippling debt, which is 🈶 a pretty shitty thing to leave your 👉 widow with. “Bad news, you lost 🏳🏳 your 👉 husband, but don’t worry, you also lost 🏳🏳 the house 🏠!” Maybe Mom 👪👪👪 knew 🤔 she’d have 🈶 to sell all her fancy 💠 jewelry 💍 and move into a home 👪👪👪. Maybe that’s what 😅 she meant by “everything is 🈶 worse now.” Is 🈶 that what 😅 you meant, Mom 👪? You know 🤔, the first 🥇🥇 time ⌚⌚⌚ I ever preformed In front of an audience, it actually was, uh, with my Mom 👪👪👪. She used to put on 🔛🔛 these shows, with her supper club in the living room, and she used to make... she used to make me sing 🗣🗣🗣 “The Lollipop 🍭 Song” Those parties, they were really something. There were skits and magic 🎩🎩 acts, and ethnically insensitive vaudeville routines, and the big finale was always 🕔 a dance 💃 my mother 👪 did. She had this ⬆ beautiful dress 👗 that she only brought out 🏎🏍 for these parties, and she did this ⬆ incredible number. It was so beautiful and sad 😞😞😞. Dad 👨 hated the parties. He’d lock ⛓⛓ himself in the study 🔬🔬🔬, and bang on 🔛🔛🔛 the walls for us to keep it down ⬇⬇, but he always 🕔 came out 🏎🏍 to see 👁👁 mom 👪👪👪 dance 💃. He’d linger in the doorway, scotch 🥃 in hand 👍👍, and watch 👁👁 in awe, as this ⬆ cynical, despicable woman 👧 he married... Took flight 🛩🛩. And as a child 👶 who 💁 was completely terrified 😨😨 of both of my parents 👪👪, I was always 🕔 aware of this ⬆ moment of grace, it meant something. We understood each other, in a way ↕️. Me, My Mom 👪👪 and my Dad 👨, as screwed up ☝☝☝ as we all were, we did understand each other. My mother 👪, she knew 🤔 what 😅 it’s like 😄😄😄 to feel your 👉 entire life 💓 like 😄 you’re drowning with the exception of these moments.. these very rare, brief instances, in which you remember..you can swim 🐠🐠🐠. But, then again, mostly not. Mostly you’re drowning. She understood that too. And she recognized that I understood it. And Dad 👨. All three 3️⃣3️⃣3️⃣ of us were drowning, and we didn’t know 🤔 how 🤔 to save 💾 each other, but there was an understanding that we were all drowning together. I would like 😄😄 to think 🤔🤔🤔 that’s what 😅 she meant when ⏰ we were in the hospital 🚑🚑 and she said, “I see 👁👁 you.” You know 🤔 the weird 😕😕😕 thing about both your 👉 parents 👪👪 being dead 💀 is 🈶 it means you’re next ⏭. I mean 😏, you know 🤔, obviously it’s not like 😄 there’s a wait 🚏 list for dying. Any one 1️⃣1️⃣ of us could get 🉐🉐🉐 run 🏃 over by some Snap-chatting 💬💬 Teen at any moment. And you would think 🤔 knowing 🤔 that would make us adventurous, and kind, and forgiving. But it makes us small, stupid, and petty. I actually had a near death 💀💀 experience 💯, recently. A stunt went bad 📉 and I fell off of a building 🏭. I’m an actor. I do my own stunts. I’m on 🔛 this ⬆ new 🆕🆕 show 📺📺📺 Philbert. Im Philbert. Star ⭐⭐⭐ of the show 📺. It hasn’t come out 🏎🏍 yet, but it’s already getting Emmy Buzz. Oh, speaking 📢 of buzz... I’m supposed to take two ✌✌ of these every morning 🌞, but my days are so screwed up ☝☝ ‘cause of the shooting schedule 📅, I don’t even know 🤔 what 😅 morning 🌞🌞🌞 means anymore. There’s a joke in there somewhere, about a guy 👦 who’s been to so many funerals, he doesn’t even know 🤔 what 😅 mourning means anymore. Let you guys figure out 🏎🏍 that one 1️⃣1️⃣1️⃣ for yourself. Anyways, you know 🤔 what 😅 I thought.. When ⏰ I was falling off the building 🏭 and went into panic mode? The last thing that my stupid brain 🧠🧠 could come up ☝☝☝ with before I died? “Won’t they be sorry 💔💔💔.” Cool 😎😎 thought, brain 🧠. I don’t even know 🤔 what 😅 “they” I wanted ⚠ to be sorry 💔. My mom 👪, before she died, could barely remember who 💁 I was. And of course, my dads dead 💀💀. The last conversation I ever had with him was about his novel. He was so certain his book 📖 was his legacy. Maybe he thought it would vindicate him for all the shitty things he ever did in his stupid worthless life 💓. Maybe it did. I don’t know 🤔. I never ❌ read 🛋🛋 it. Because why 🤔 would I give him that? I used to be on 🔛 this ⬆ TV 📺 show 📺📺 called Horsin’ Around. Seriously though, hold your 👉 applause 👏👏👏. It was written by my friend 🐶, Herb 🌿🌿 Kazzaz, whos also dead 💀💀 now, and it starred this ⬆ little girl 👶👶👶 named Sarah Lynn. And it was about these orphans. And early 🕐🕐 on 🔛🔛, the network had a note 🔣, “Maybe don’t mention they’re orphans so much, because audiences tend to find 🔍 orphans sad 😞😞 and not relatable.” But I never ❌ thought the orphans were sad 😞😞. I always 🕔 thought they were lucky 🤞 because they could imagine their parents 👪 to be anything they wanted ⚠. They had something to long for. Anyway, we did this ⬆ one 1️⃣1️⃣ season ❄️❄️❄️ finale, where 🤷 Olivias birth mother 👪👪👪 comes to town. And she was a junkie, but she’s gotten herself cleaned up ☝☝, and she wants to be in Olivias life 💓 again. And of course, she’s like 😄😄😄 the perfect 👌 grown-up ☝ version of Olivia, and they go to the mall 🏬🏬 together and get 🉐🉐 her ears pierced like 😄 she’s always 🕔 wanted ⚠ and — Sorry 💔, spoiler alert 🚨🚨 for season ❄️ six 6️⃣6️⃣6️⃣ finale of Horsin’ Around, if you’re still working 🏗🏗🏗 your 👉 way ↕️↕️↕️ through it. Anyway, the horse 🐴🐴🐴 tried to warn her, “Be careful, moms have 🈶 a way ↕️↕️ of letting you down ⬇⬇.” But Olivia just thinks the horse 🐴 is 🈶 jealous, and when ⏰ the mom 👪 says she’s moving 📦📦 to California, Olivia decides to go with her. And the network really juiced the cliffhanger: “Is Olivia gone for good 👌👍🏾?” But of course, because it’s a TV 📺📺📺 show 📺📺, she was not gone for good 👌👍🏾. Of course, because it’s a TV 📺📺 show 📺📺 Olivias Mother 👪 has a relapse and had to go back ⬅️⬅️ into rehab, so Olivia has to hitchhike all the way ↕️↕️ home 👪, getting rides from from Mr 🇲🇷. T, Alf, and the cast of Stomp. Of course that’s what 😅 happened. Because, what 😅 are you gonna do, just not have 🈶 Olivia on 🔛 the show 📺? You can’t have 🈶🈶🈶 happy 😀😀 endings on 🔛🔛 sitcoms, not really, because, if everyone’s happy 😀, the show 📺 would be over, and above 🆙 all else, the show 📺... Has to keep going. There’s always 🕔 more ➕➕ show 📺📺📺. And you can call Horsin’ Around dumb, or bad 📉, or unrealistic, but there’s nothing 🈚🈚 more ➕➕➕ realistic than that. You never ❌ get 🉐 a happy 😀😀 ending, ‘cause there’s always 🕔 more ➕➕ show 📺. I guess until there isn’t. My mom 👪👪 would hate 😡😡😡 it if she knew 🤔 that I spent 😵😵 so much time ⌚ at her funeral ⚰⚰ talking about my old 👴👴👴 TV 📺 show 📺. Or maybe she’d think 🤔🤔🤔 it was funny 😃😃 that her idiot 😜 son couldn’t even do this ⬆ right 👉, who 💁 knows 🤔? She left 👈 no 😣😣😣 instructions for what 😅 she wanted ⚠ me to say 🗣🗣. All I know 🤔 is 🈶 she wanted ⚠ an open 👐👐👐 casket ⚰, and her idiot 😜 son couldn’t even do that right 👉👉. I’m not gonna stand up ☝☝ here 👈👈 and pretend I ever understood how 🤔 to please 🙏🙏🙏 that woman 👧, even though so much of my life 💓 has been wasted in vain attempts to figure it out 🏎🏍. But I keep going back ⬅️⬅️⬅️ to that moment in the ICU when ⏰ she looked at me and,...” I-C-U 👉.” “I..See 👁👁👁...You..” Jesus ✝️ Christ ⛪⛪, we were in the Intensive Care Unit. She was just reading a sign ⛎⛎⛎. My mom 👪👪👪 died and all I got was a free 🆓 Churro. You know 🤔 the shittiest thing about all of this ⬆? Is 🈶 when ⏰ that stranger behind the counter gave me that free 🆓🆓🆓 churro, that small act of kindness showed more ➕ compassion than my mother 👪👪 gave me her entire goddamn life 💓. Like 😄😄😄, how 🤔 hard is 🈶 it to do something nice for a person 👤? This ⬆ woman 👧 at the Jack in the Box 🍱 didn’t even know 🤔 me. I’m your 👉 son. All I had was you! I have 🈶🈶🈶 this ⬆ friend 🐶🐶🐶. And right 👉 around when ⏰ I first 🥇 met her, her dad 👨👨 died, and I actually went with her to the funeral ⚰. And months later, she told me that she didn’t understand why 🤔 she was still upset 😞😞😞, because she never ❌ even liked her father 👨👨. It made sense to me, because I went through the same thing when ⏰ my dad 👨👨 died. And I’m going through that same thing now. You know 🤔 what 😅 it’s like 😄? It’s like 😄😄😄 the show 📺 Becker, you know 🤔, with Ted Danson? I watched the entire run 🏃 of it, hoping that it would get 🉐🉐 better, and it never ❌ did. It had all the right 👉👉👉 pieces, but it just— It couldn’t put them together. And when ⏰ it got canceled, I was really bummed out 🏎🏍, not because I liked the show 📺📺, but because I knew 🤔 it could be so much better, and now it never ❌ would be. And that’s what 😅 losing 🏳🏳🏳 a parent 👩‍👦👩‍👦👩‍👦 is 🈶 like 😄😄😄. It’s like 😄😄 Becker. Suddenly, you realize you’ll never ❌ have 🈶🈶 the good 👌👍🏾 relationship you wanted ⚠, as long as they were alive, even though you’ll never ❌ admit it, part of you, the stupidest goddamn part of you, was still holding onto that chance. And you didn’t realize it until that chance went away. “My mother 👪 is 🈶 dead 💀, and everything is 🈶 worse now.” Because now I know 🤔 I will never ❌ have 🈶🈶🈶 a mother 👪 who 💁 looks at me from across the room and says, “BoJack Horseman, I see 👁 you.” But I guess it’s good 👌👍🏾 to know 🤔. It’s good 👌👍🏾 to know 🤔, that there is 🈶 nobody looking out 🏎🏍 for me, that there never ❌ was, and there never ❌ will be. No 😣, it’s good 👌👍🏾 to know 🤔 that I am the only one 1️⃣1️⃣1️⃣ I can depend on 🔛. And I know 🤔 that now and it’s good 👌👍🏾. It’s good 👌👍🏾 that I know 🤔 that. So.. it’s good 👌👍🏾 my mother 👪👪 is 🈶 dead 💀. Well, no 😣 point 🈯 in beating a dead 💀💀 horse 🐴🐴🐴. Beatrice Horseman was born 🐣 in 1938, and she died in 2018, and I have 🈶 no 😣😣😣 idea 💡.. What 😅 she wanted ⚠. Unless she just wanted ⚠ what 😅 we all wanted ⚠.. to be seen.

Submitted March 08, 2020 at 10:22AM by Woman_Eater_ via reddit https://ift.tt/2TzhCFY

[paintingraves]

FIRST LINE MEME

I was tagged by @funkzpiel​ and @tolcveistodestrcy​ to do the thing, bless y’all <3 

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (or however many you have altogether). See if there are any patterns. Then, tag your favorite authors. 

Published works : 

1. Paris Is Considerably More Interesting Than I Expected :

1928.

Newt stuffed a piece of toast in his mouth, put on his coat and grabbed his suitcase.

2. Hear Me (TW: torture) :

Grindelwald grabs his tongue and tugs on it, pulling it out of Graves’ mouth as much as physically possible.

3. (Don’t) Stop (aka that one where Tina catches Graves and Picquery going at it after hours) :

Tina walked through the hall of the MACUSA, her footsteps echoing on the marble floor.

4. You Look A Little Lost, Omega :

skipping the prologue to get to the good stuff : 

Today, Newt was just sight-seeing. New York was beautiful, modern, bustling with life. He passed by the Woolsworth building, not paying attention to where he was going when a scent made him stop dead in his tracks.

 5. Embrace The Darkness : 

They’d been searching the creature for days. For weeks. Weeks of turning up empty handed save for more dead bodies.

6. None Of You Noticed (Ghost!Graves) : 

Of course.

Of course he would be unable to move on.

Him, the Director of Magical Security of the United States, killed by Gellert Grindelwald, the number one enemy.  

Old published works (aka the embarrassing ones) : 

7. Breaking Point  (Hotel Transylvania fandom) :  

He was power.

Young Dracula learned that at a very young age. His father never ceased to repeat it to him. He was power, he was darkness embodied, and others should fear him.

Especially humans. Humans, he was taught, were worth less than the dirt on his shoes. They were like ants, swarming the Earth, invading every corner, forcing honorable and powerful monsters like them to find more secluded places to retreat to, when they should be the ones ruling it all.

8. Human AU And Other Shenanigans : 

Martha sighed. The Halloween party was in full blast, yet she only felt tired and more than a little bored, having gone through intense exams for the past week.

WIPS and ficlets : 

9. Tina/Seraphina, Modern AU, WIP: 

This was all Newt’s fault, she decided. If the man had done his work on time, Tina wouldn’t currently be in this coffee shop, staring open mouthed at the gorgeous waitress behind the counter.

10. Hamilton Crossover : 

They enter the room, young little things with wide eyes and even bigger dreams. Graves hovers above the table, watching them trail in one after the other. They take seats on the two rows of uncomfortable chairs, and Graves knows their backs will hurt when they finally get up. He also knows they won’t care, not after what he has to say.

11. PAIN™ : the AU 

"No," he breathes, staring at Seraphina's pained face. "No."

"I'm so sorry, Perciv-"

"You're lying," he says. "They're safe. Where are they? Where are my kids, Seraphina?"

12. Role reversal AU : 

“You’re upset,” the wizard murmured in his ear, and Percival flinched slightly.

“Somebody said something. What did they say? Tell me.”

“Do you think I’m a freak?” Percival asked. In the darkness of the alley, he couldn’t make out Grindelwald’s face, but he knew the other man was watching him intently, his focus entirely on Graves’ being.

13. A Study In Seduction 

This wasn’t how he imagined captivity at the hands of Grindelwald.

14. Obscurus Graves : 

He chains Graves to a bed. Chokes him until he opens his mouth, pours the liquid down his throat and forces him to swallow. Graves struggles vainly. He feels the potion trickling down his body, cold seeping through his veins and reaching his heart, drowning his protests.

Works inspired by this one : To Die Just A Little by Funkspiel <3 

15. The Hunt 

He runs and runs, ignoring the ache in his side, ignoring how the rags he wears as clothes get caught in branches and brambles and slow down his course. He only needs to reach the edge of the forest, Grindelwald said. If he can live long enough to get there, he will be free.

16. Mercy  (collab with @funkzpiel)

“You okay, love?” Jacob asks. 

“There’s someone else there,” Queenie gasps out, shaking. “There’s someone else … ”

17. I Came Here To Have A Good Time And Honestly 

“Madam President, what is this?” Graves asks darkly. They put him behind bars. Him. That was not exactly the welcome he expected after spending two weeks away on vacation.

18. Put Me Down, Damn It

He introduces himself as Newt Scamander, magizoologist, and simply opens the lid of his prison before taking him by the waist delicately and placing him in his hand. Graves wants to scream. Hours of frustration and magical energy wasted trying to break the glass, and all it took was the twist of a human hand to set him free.

(aka, the one where Graves is a fairy). 

19. More Ghost Graves headcanons : 

Grindelwald kills Graves. Quickly, softly, his body hitting the ground before he has time to blink. No need to keep him prisoner. Grindelwald has all the information he needs after probing at Graves’ mind intensively, and prisoners need looking after and he has frankly much more interesting things to do.

20. A Bunch Of Spoilers and Other Things : 

Paris Is Considerably More Interesting Than I Expected, Chapter 12 : 

“I’m sorry,” Graves choked out because it felt like the right thing to do. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, letting it all go. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry sorry sorry so-o-rry-” He drowned in his sorrow the more he talked, only mouthing the words by the end. Distantly, he was aware that he looked and sounded ridiculous, apologizing to the silence, bawling his heart out, but he didn’t stop. He couldn’t stop. 

Illvermony Days : 

“I’m going to be President,” Seraphina says to him one day, matter of factly. They’re sitting outside, enjoying the warmth of the sun after their last exams. Graves looks up from the book he is reading and stares at her. 

“I know that.” 

“I want you to be by my side, Percy,” she insists. “When I’m up there. I need someone to rely on, and I need that person to be you.” 

Alone : 

He crouches down and holds out a hand. The cat eyes him warily but doesn’t come close.

“Afraid of me too, are you?” Graves murmurs bitterly. “They all are.”

WELL THAT WAS LONG. Thank you for the tag though, it was interesting, I’d forgotten I wrote most of those <3 

tagging @aethelar @firebyfire @mercurial-tenacity @helveticaes @snarry-splitpea @sportivetricks @questionartbox @rospeaks @second-salemite @kamikazesoundsociety @goldgravesship @accio-toffy and @sozdanie-gryazi-eternal if y’all haven’t done it already !! ily !!  ❤️ ❤️

[just-a-wayward-son-carrying-on]

Pain

So this is my first official fanfic EVER! We’ll see how it actually turned out since I got kind of lazy toward the end and I got so caught up in the platonic relationships I forgot about my romance! Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, reader (and 5 original characters I guess) Pairing: Dean x reader Warnings: mentions of murder, smut-ish, fluff maybe? I don’t really know-if you’re sensitive proceed with caution Words: 3623 Y/N “Why does it hurt so much?” you whimpered into Sam’s chest. “Because it was real,” He replied, patting your hair. “It wasn’t supposed to be. It was supposed to be an adventure,” You pulled back from his embrace, “God, how did I let myself love you guys so much?” “Come on Y/N it’s not your fault. There was nothing you could’ve done to stop it.” You gave Sam a weak smile, “Thank you…for everything.” There wasn’t much you hadn’t been through in the past five years. One thing was for certain, this wasn’t the first time Sam had helped you heal heartbreak–only this time you couldn’t go slash a guy’s tires or egg a guy’s house. From near death experiences to love triangles you’d been there, done that. “Don’t mention it. And you have my number if you need anything?” “Yeah. Good-bye Sam Winchester, it’s been a pleasure,” you extended your hand to him. He shook it and smiled. Tears streamed down your cheeks, from the ache in your chest and from this farwell. Before you could change your mind you spun on your heel and boarded the plane. The flight attendant went through the safety procedures before allowing you to take out your past times. You got a book out and started reading, your only mistake was bringing a tragic love story. You bawled the entire seven hour flight from Minnesota to Manhattan. You hailed a cab upon landing and was able to safely make it to your rented apartment. It was in Chelsea with a gorgeous view. This was your turf, you knew it like the back of your hand. Your sister rented the apartment alone after you left with the Winchesters but before that you roomed together. It was surprising nice to walk into the familiar place and hug her again. Of course she already knew the whole story so she didn’t antagonize you when she found your super sappy story in your luggage. You still got a very disapproving glare though. Not much could make you feel worse than you already did and the half-hearted disapproval from her didn’t do the trick, much to her dismay. Although you knew you had responsibilities, paying your half of the rent, helping put food on the table, you allowed yourself to wallow in self-pity and self-hatred. You blamed yourself for letting Sam get hurt on that hunt. You blamed yourself for not being good enough for Dean. You blamed yourself for Dean’s dangerous life even if you couldn’t control it. Six weeks later your sister managed to coax you out of bed much less the house for the first time. She was in a stunning black dress fitted to her every curve; and she managed to slip you into a shimmering gold thing with thin straps and a plunging neckline. Rather than veg out on ice cream and various other comfort foods, you barely ate at all during your exile in bed; so rather than gain weight you lost it and it showed. The slightly fitted dress showed your hip bones and collar bone through it. Thankfully it hid any sign of your ribs. You managed to walk in your six inch pumps, and dance, and eventually follow a man home. You were pretty sure his name was Matt but it was difficult to be sure in your drunken state. You vaguely remembered that you prepared yourself for the walk of shame the next morning on that stumble through the streets. You were right. You walked home barefoot and completely drained. When you slipped into the apartment you found Grace passed out on the sofa in a lacey black bra and pants. No one else was in the rooms and she claimed that she returned alone last night. After that detail you didn’t ask anymore. The following day you went out and looked for a job. A place a few blocks from you was hiring a waitress so you went for it. You also applied for a job at McDonalds and a Starbucks down the street. The waitressing paid the most so when they accepted, you happily started right away. Within two months you were back on your feet and happy. It was insane how nice it was to have distance between yourself and the supernatural world. The clubs around us were not bad encouragement either. Family came to visit for the holidays and you were making just enough money to pay rent, buy food, and occasionally purchase a new outfit or two. Grace was the one with the real job and she made sure you knew she was technically the responsible one. “You know, Y/N, at the firm they helped us prepare by creating a calendar to help manage our time.” She patronized. You didn’t mind, actually, you were overjoyed at her success. Her friends became your friends and you all had a wonderful time. You all had different jobs, Ethan was an actor, Hope was an optometrist, Danny was an exterminator, and Chad worked for a radio company while Grace was close to becoming junior partner at a big law firm. You were all over the board. It was all close to perfect until the day Danny came in complaining about an all too familiar story. “It was so weird. Whatever it is ripped the raccoon to shreds. It’s not my division so I don’t know exactly what it could be.” She exclaimed one day, “The chest was torn open and the ears were ripped off. That was it. It wasn’t like it was mauled or anything. It almost seemed deliberate. I don’t know, it sounds crazy right?” “No, no, not weird at all,” you remember saying while in your mind going “No, no, can’t be, we killed this thing last spring!” If you were guessing correctly it was a Gray Guatemalan Iguana. Only one in the universe and last year it killed more than eighty small pets, wild animals, and children; always eating their right lung and their ears. “Hey, do you think I could see it sometime? Where it happened I mean. Cause Grace likes to go for runs over there I think. It would make me more comfortable if I could check it out to make sure it’s safe.” you were astonished how easily lying came to you still. “Sure I’ll take you over tomorrow.” Danielle winked at you as she got up. {~} The next day was your day off, which you normally spent partially naked, partially covered in food crumbs watching awful soap operas on the couch. Instead you put on leggings, a nice t-shirt with a black windbreaker and some rainboots. When Danny showed up to take you to a more suburban neighborhood you were ready for anything; you had slipped a kitchen knife into your waistband and had a can of pepper spray in your pocket, not that the pepper spray would help anything against this animal. You also dug up one of your old FBI badges for good luck. You pulled up to a picture perfect street with picket fenced houses and minivan-washing dads forty minutes later. Not a lot of people were out, most were inside after the raccoon attack probably. The closer you got the more the yellow crime scene tape came into focus. Danny jumped out of the car and ran to the edge with you on her heels. “What happened?” Danny exclaimed to a policeman when we got to the edge of the tape. “I’m sorry, miss. I can’t disclose any vital information this early into the investigation.” He said in a monotone voice. “She was the exterminator for the attack on the raccoon yesterday,” You stated with authority peering around the man to get a look at the crime scene, “This child,” You continued gesturing to the small body bag and outline of a small body on the pavement, “was it missing its ears? With the chest ripped open?” The policeman stared at you with an open mouth. He turned and waved over a slightly older policeman. “Chief Hamilton, how do you do, ladies?” He stuck out his hand once he had gotten close enough. “I’m Nancy Bobofit and this is Danielle, the exterminator from yesterday. I was wondering if the child killed today was missing their ears and had a ripped open chest.” Chief Hamilton had a similar reaction to the first policeman and you looked at Danny smugly. “Yes,” He replied finally, “How did you know that?” “There was a raccoon in this neighborhood that had the same afflictions. We think they may be connected. How old was the child?” “Um, 10.” “10?” You were surprised. The iguana only killed infants and toddlers, the only things small enough. “Yes. Listen, thank you for the information but I cannot share anymore with you.” He turned and started walking away. “Chief!” You called before turned to Danny and muttering, “I’ll explain what’s about to happen later. Promise.” “Yes?” Chief Hamilton asked, sounding slightly annoyed. “I am here to help you in this investigation.” You stated. “I am sorry. It is policy that civilians do not help-” He was cut off by your badge flashing up and exposing an FBI I.D.. “Nancy Bobofit, FBI.” You said, I’m sorry I should’ve introduced myself formally earlier.” Without a word Chief Hamilton lifted the tape and allowed you to pass under. You motioned for Danny to follow and she did, with wide eyes. Dean “You know what Dean? You are just selfish!” Sam shouted at him. “Me? Selfish? Are you joking?” Dean shouted right back. “No! You told Y/N to leave just because I got hurt on a hunt. It wasn’t her fault but you refused to allow that it was yours! That would qualify as selfishness Dean!” Sam retorted without noticing the pain enter Dean’s face as soon as your name was mentioned. “Oh Dean- I-I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to- it just…slipped,” Sam stammered finally noticing Dean’s face. “I didn’t tell her to leave because you got hurt, Sam. I mean, I did…just not for why you think.” His voice was rough and raw. “Then why did you?” Sam asked gently. “When you got hurt I realized how much danger Y/N was in, even when we were there.” “So…you told her that you hated her, her guts and everything about her and that you never wanted to see her again…to keep her safe?” Sam’s tone was slightly colored with disbelief. Hearing the words Dean had growled at you ten months ago almost verbatim was like getting kicked in the chest. “That was the idea.” When Sam started to speak Dean continued, “I was desperate. I knew she’d want to finish the job and I knew she’d fight me if I asked her to leave. You know how stubborn Y/N was.” “Ok, Dean, whatever,” Sam threw his hands up, completely disapproving Dean’s reasoning, “I’m going to bed.” The next morning the boys were ready to get out of the tiny town in Rhode Island. “Got anything?” Dean asked Sam over the table. Sam glanced up from the newspaper. “Yeah…” He turned the paper so that they could both see, “A raccoon dead in the street one day and a ten year old the next.” “I don’t know man, that doesn’t sound up our alley.” “Both missing their ears and right lung.” “Like the iguana from last year?” “Exactly.” “Where?” “Kensington, New York. Nice and close.” “Let’s get going then.” They rolled up the street just before the sun started its descent from the sky. Both in suits with their FBI badges in hand they parked Baby and approached the yellow tape. “Follow my lead,” Dean said to his brother as they got closer. “Can I help you men?” The policeman asked skeptically as they approached. “I think so,” Dean started, both boys flipped their badges up to show him, “Agents Christopher and Dawson, FBI.” “Two more?” The policeman asked in disbelief. “Excuse me?” Sam asked. “We already have an agent on site. This didn’t seem like that big of a case.” “Yes, well, we suspect it to be a sadistic murderer. Obviously it isn’t 100% yet but…” Dean said, recovering quickly. He shot a look at Sam, it could be trouble. “Really? Well the other agent is in the tent,” The policeman motioned to a white canopy set up half on the street half on someone’s yard, “She got here a couple hours ago and it doesn’t look like she’s going to leave anytime soon.” Sam’s eyebrows shot up. She? Just as they both shifted their attention over to the opening of the tent, you walked out, head bent over a folder with dozens of files, whispering urgently to the policeman next to you. Danny followed after seeming worried. Dean pulled in a breath, like he had been punched, as soon as he recognized you. Sam suddenly grinned from ear to ear, his eyes lit up like it was Christmas morning. He ducked under the police tape and made a beeline for you. Dean was left dazed and slightly angry. “Christopher,” Sam called to him. Y/N “I want patrol down these four streets,” you pointed out the four surrounding streets to Officer McCinley as you spoke, “And at least two men stationed on this street at all times.” “Will do ma’am.” He said taking the map from you. You turned to Danny, ready to apologize for dragging her into this. Only rather than looking dreary and sad like she had earlier she was grinning and twirling her hair. Was she biting her lip? You spun to see what could make her put her flirting face on. You had to do a double take. Sam strode toward you with a huge smile on his face. He was wearing a suit and a long coat, obviously here to check out the case. Emotions ripped through you, happiness, longing, doubt, sadness, joy, anger, most of them you couldn’t understand. That is, until you saw Dean standing behind the tape. You knew Sam wouldn’t have come alone. “Hey!” Sam said once he got close enough. “Hey to you too.” He pulled you in for a hug and you hugged back. “Have you grown?” You asked once he let you go. “Ha! Not quite. I think your shrinking.” He couldn’t stop grinning. Eventually a smile crept onto your face as well. Having him by your side was comforting. “Oh!” You realized after a minute that you were staring at each other, “This is Danny. Danny this is Sam.” “Nice to meet you,” Danny flirted extending her hand, “How do you know each other…exactly?” “Um, long story, but I’ll explain later.” You promised, leading them both into the tent. “Yeah, looks like you have a lot of explaining to do, Nancy,” Danny she spoke under her breath as you passed by. “What have you found out?” Sam asked the second you were inside the deserted tent. “Not much. Missing ears and right lung, as I’m sure you already know. No footprints, no fingerprints, no witnesses. Basically a dead end for the feds. Only two victims and I have them patrolling five of the streets around here. Couldn’t exactly tell them to keep an eye out for a ten foot lizard though, could I?” “What about sulfur? I mean it could be a set-up to get someone’s–our–attention.” “No. No sulfur, no EMF, no anything.” “So you’re thinking…?” “I’m not quite sure. I mean it’s supernatural, right? So that means we should be here. I guess the most likely thing is that iguana but we killed it last May. All the signs are matching up though.” “Huh.” “Huh what?” Dean said ducking into the tent. He seemed a bit overly confident. You struggled to maintain a calm face even though your insides were on fire. “You missed it now, we already went through it all. Where were you anyway?” You couldn’t hide your grin as Sam snapped at his brother. “Looking around,” Dean said, “You might want to have your boyfriends out there check the trees, Y/N.” “No.” You said feeling very angry, “You don’t get to talk to me like that.” After a second of what you imagined was an awkward silence for the others, while you collected yourself, you continued. “I did. It’s a dead end. The scratch marks match a dog down the street perfectly.” “Oh.” Was all he could manage. You led them all out to where the body was found. You all stood there, looking around. Suddenly you noticed a crack in the storm drain down the street. You made your way over to it cautiously. When you reached it you saw that there was a section missing from the back and blood smeared on the inside of each bar. You glanced back to the others. Dean was missing but Sam was watching you while Danny was looking the other way. You tapped the blood with your fingertip. Still wet. You got up and went back to them. As you drew closer, you noticed Dean walking toward them. You flipped your hand to show them the blood, not a second later Dean did the same. Both of your fingers were stained red. You cocked your eyebrow as you held eye contact with him. He nodded and you both made your way to the tent. {~} Sam had walked away, obviously noticing Dean’s often glances toward you. He clearly wanted to talk. You, on the other hand, nearly grabbed Sam’s leg as he was walking away so he would be forced to stay. “I know you think I’m an awful human being,” Dean started. He was on the right track…sort of. Was he really though? Because when you had left, you were sad and angry. But now? Now you saw his candy green eyes and the way his jaw muscles tensed and relaxed out of habit, all you wanted to do was make him a pie–or something like that, maybe give him a hug. “I know what I said to you was way over the line, that I was wrong in a hundred different ways. Because I was. You are the best hunter I know, the person for that matter. And I don’t expect you to forgive me, just to hear. I am sorry. I really, really am. And I thought I was doing the right thing by forcing you to leave; I thought I was protecting-” “Dean.” I cut him off. “You’re right. I’m not going to forgive you but I believe you. It’s not like you’re perfect or anything, no one is… The thing is, I was heartbroken. Loosing my two best friends, loosing my adopted family, was worse than dying; and I can’t risk going through that again. After we kill this thing–which we will–I can’t see you guys anymore… I can’t tell Sam. I won’t go through with it, so you have to tell him. But I’m not mad at you.” He stood there, stunned at me. I couldn’t blame him. Did any of that even make sense? My head pounded and my heart ached. For a moment it felt like the world around me shattered once more. But then I reminded myself that it was for the better. And I would make it. Dean nodded and walked past me to join his brother in Baby. I realized that maybe I had been heartbroken in more ways than one. As he walked away I got an insane urge to stop him. To run to him and kiss him. I wondered what his lips tasted like. In years before I’d seen him with other girls at bars and I’d pitied them, yet here I was, wishing I might be like them. But it was crazy; it would only end in pain. Why would I put myself through that? He’d already hurt me once, why would I give him the power to do it again. {~} The three of you climbed out of you respective cars and walked back to where Dean was popping Baby’s trunk. This evenings events were completely put out of all your minds, for there was a larger task at hand. He handed you a matchbook and a silver knife. The only thing that could possibly kill this thing was “the blood of a servant lit on fire”. The Winchesters had the brilliant idea that you were considered a servant because you were a waitress. Dean walked over to his position, hidden in some bushes, while Sam strode over to squat behind a tree. You, on the other hand, got to sit yourself in the center of the street. You had called off patrol when three nights passed without incident; and you were grateful that you didn’t have to worry about a cop finding the three of you hunting a giant lizard. You pricked your finger on the knife, releasing all kinds of bloody odors to attract the iguana, and wiped the blood all over the pavement around you. {~} It was organized chaos as Sam and Dean shot and threw things at the iguana. You slit your forearm open, pooled some in your hand and threw it. Thankfully, it landed square on its back, allowing you to strike a match and set it on fire within seconds. The light from the growing flame was enough for you to find the self inflicted wound and put pressure on it. God it stung. The iguana screeched and whined as it burned to death, eventually making its way to hell, hopefully. Without a word, Dean and Sam allowed you to climb into your own car. It had been part of your deal that you never had to see them again. Sam seemed like he was going to start crying, or punching something; in the moment it looked like it was going to be Dean that got punched. Meanwhile, Dean looked like he was just told that they changed the shape of the fries at a restaurant he’d never been to–in other words, completely and totally bored. You meant to drive yourself to the hospital, to claim a false kitchen accident, but instead you ended up at a Motel 6. There was one room open and you gladly filled it. Once inside you quickly found whiskey, floss and a needle to stitch up the cut. After a few glasses of the alcohol, you slid into the bed and drifted off; you weren’t about to start complaining about a good night’s sleep, that is, until a knock came at the door. You groaned before rolling off the bed and answering. Since you were still half asleep you didn’t recognize the man before you for a few seconds. Then he choked out your name. {~} Dean charged you, swinging the door shut behind him and wrapping his arms around you in one swift motion. His lip enveloped yours, his fingers grabbed fabric and skin wherever they could, a desperate dance. Soon your fingers were laced through his hair, your lips molding to his. All you could taste was beer and bacon. Something in the very back of your mind told you he could taste the whiskey on your lips. He pushed you deeper into the room, quickly locating the bed, picking you up, and setting you down on the hard comforter. Your lips never parted and you never wanted them to. Then your hands found the hem of Dean’s shirt and the only thing you wanted was to get it off of him. He knew what you wanted and stepped back half a centimeter to slid it off. When he returned to you, he planted his lips firmly to left of your mouth where he kissed down your neck, to your collarbone, until your shirt got in the way. Without waiting for you to pull it off as you had for him, he grabbed the bottom and yanked it over your head, pulling out your hair clip in the process. The two of you shed your pants before rolling onto the bed. The sheets were cold compared to your hot bodies. Dean flipped you under him and held onto your wrist. As Dean’s other hand cupped your head to kiss you again you knew that whatever had happened before could be worked out, because right now was worth all of the pain.