#I was worried the wig would still blend in with my skin tone even after dyeing it

[lovely-hikari-cosplay]

A few (sparsely edited) Aerith’s I took last week as a fit/makeup test 💕🌸✨

[fanfic-inator795]

RotTMNT Oneshot: Mission: Normalcy

(Also on AO3 if you want to leave a kudos/comment)

Plot:  It was meant to be a simple undercover mission, that was all. Something she could absolutely handle, despite her senseis' concerns. Still, being subtle and laying low was never exactly Foot Recruit's strongest skill, and while she may be able to complete a successful mission, she still can't get in and out without a certain pigtailed cashier noticing her. Then again, this may not be a bad thing...

((I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO WRITE THIS FOR SO LONG!! Unfortunately, work and ideas for my drabble series got in the way. STill, I'm happy to finally post this ^v^ As long as Foot Recruit is a teen (I'm pretty sure she is, canon hasn 't said otherwise), I will happily support the AprilxFoot Recruit pairing, and I really hope we get to see these two interact in the show ^v^ ...hopefully not while Recruit is trying to also kill the turtles, lol. Anyway, hope you all enjoy!))

The pristine, fairly clean space around her was her battlefield.

The shops? Lookout towers, where suspicious eyes were sure to be watching her every move.

The officers that rolled by on their miniature set of wheels? They were soldiers, ones that she could easily fight physically but still couldn’t afford a battle with.

The citizens who strolled by? At worst, they were in the way. Crowding the long, tiled halls and making any rushed escape nearly impossible, just by how slow witted and slow moving they were. BUT , at best, they would be her camouflage.

And her? She was a lone warrior, standing among the crowds and staring down her surroundings with determination and silent fury in her eyes, her new ‘uniform’ neat yet flowing. Unlike her typical gi, her pastel pink jacket and medium length purple sundress hid her muscles and multiple hidden shuriken well. This combined with the long, dark wig on her head made her look like just another foolish seventeen year old, there to gawk at wares and buy things she didn’t need.

The Foot Recruit took another deep breath, straightening her position even more. Despite the occasional looks from the people walking past, she did not flinch. Even the occasional flick of water from the fountain behind her couldn’t cause her to lose her edge or her focus. This was her mission… She could do this! Prove her worthiness! ‘I shall not fail again!’ she thought to herself.

And with that (as well as the mall directory that she had studied meticulously) in mind, she left her surveillance point and began to ‘stroll’ down the mall path. Each step was firm, her heel coming down like a dagger into an enemy, her fists holding still by her sides. Again, she received a couple curious looks, but none of her fellow shoppers stopped to confront her directly. Excellent, her cover look was working!

‘I knew Sensei had no reason to worry!’ she smiled, ‘Just as I told him!’ Yes, they may have only been her second solo mission, and sure ‘subtle’ and ‘stealth’ weren’t exactly her strongest skills, but she still had this completely under control! Brute always seemed to worry too much about her anyway, something she had used to taken offense with until she’d heard him gushing about her skills to another soldier. Clearly he knew she was capable, he just had a habit of being a bit too caring when it came to his student.

...Recruit refused to say so aloud but, she didn’t exactly mind this.

But her other sensei, the Lieutenant, trusted her completely, even after her last (technical) failure. All he had said before sending her on her way was that she needed to remember: Blending in was the key. Get in, get the information we need, and get out. Frankly, it was almost too simple.

‘But nevertheless important,’ Recruit reminded herself. Another artifact was on the line, and after her senseis’ successful robbery at Gilbert’s Department Store, other high end stores in New York had tightened up their security. But that would not stop the Foot Clan, not as long as she had anything to say about it!

Recognizing a couple of the shop signs from the map, the Recruit increased her pace, scanning the area until she saw it. A small- ...Well, she wasn’t quite sure of the word for it. Spiritual seemed fairly appropriate, but also completely wrong. There was incense and small stone statues of Buddha and other gods, but also tacky dragon and wizard statues and long glass bottles that Recruit knew weren’t just for display. She sneered at the tacky shop.

Still, despite it’s more… controversial wares, there were still plenty of expensive items in the shop, ones that the moronic people running the shop thought were just highly collectible decorative pieces, and were simply placed on a shelf behind the counter, their true power and potential remaining unknown…

‘The Foot shall take over this world,’ Recruit smirked, ‘And most of these idiots won’t even see it coming…’ She made a move to step towards the shop - and froze. Once again, the words of her higher ranking sensei echoed through her head.

Blending in was the key…

Even the most unobservant shopkeeper would notice a person staring at their more expensive items and searching for security measures. “Ugh…” No, she couldn’t afford to draw ANY suspicion! Not until she got the information she needed for her clan and completed her mission! Even if she could escape the shop before any mall cops could be called to confront her, there was still a chance that her actions could lead to even more countermeasures being installed before the robbery took place, making her mission completely pointless! No, worst than pointless, because it would hurt her senseis’ plans rather than help them!

Recruit growled. This was why she preferred battles and combat-focused missions over stealth! Why did she have to follow all these ridiculous social rules when it would be SO MUCH EASIER to just run in there and crush all the security cameras and hidden alarms with her own to hands?!

“...Mama? Why is that girl growling?”

Recruit snapped her head at the accusing voice, her glare sharpening as she bared her teeth. The toddler whimpered, and with a small glare of her own, the mother quickly picked the child up and walked away.

“...Right,” Recruit sighed. Blending in. Staying undercover. She couldn’t do this her way, she had to follow mission protocol - and show her larger sensei that he had nothing to worry about. Show that she could handle a stealth mission just as well as she could handle taking on four tallking turtles in a hand-to-hand battle.

So, it was back to observation. She scanned her surroundings, making sure to focus especially on her fellow teenagers. Most of them were looking at their phones, laughing at some ridiculous meme or listening to some sort of audio. She did have a throw-away phone on her, one that would certainly make her look more casual (more-so than talking into her mystic crystal would, at least)… But no, she had to save her battery, just in case she was captured. A few teens had shopping bags hanging off their forearms… She would certainly look like a typical customer with those.

Recruit shook her head. No, that wouldn’t do at all. She only had a small sum of money on her person, and she didn’t want to slow herself down with useless weight. Besides, wouldn’t having large, open bags on her make her look more suspicious, possibly causing the shopkeeper suspect that she could be looking for things to shoplift?

She was starting to get frustrated once again when she saw it, the last piece of her disguise that she had been missing! A bright, medium sized orange cup with a straw that she could absentmindedly sip on and look just as casual and non threatening as any other teenager in the mall! She laughed quietly to herself. “Excellent…” It really was perfect.

Luck seemed to be on her side, it would seem, since there was an Orange Julius just a couple shops away with only a small line. A small smirk still on her face, Recruit strolled towards it and got in line. She eyed the people now in her personal space, but again most of them were either on their phones or chatting with other people in line. “Hehe…” Completely blended in.

She counted off the seconds she had to weight in her head, her eyes still glancing around to make sure there were no mall cops or more suspicious toddlers coming her way. Before long, it was her turn at the counter. “Hey there,” the cashier smiled. She was a dark-skinned girl with red framed glasses, her curly hair put up in matching pigtails. A simple name tag hung from her apron, stating the word “ April ”. Friendly, pleasant looking… Recruit could understand why she was assigned this job.  “What can I get ya?”

Recruit opened her mouth, and nothing came out. Unbelievable… She had been focusing so much on her surroundings that she hadn’t even bothered looking at the menu! “I will, be deciding in just a moment!” she managed to get out. Her eyes darted towards the larger-than-expected menu above them, but the voice of the cashier brought them back down.

“I’d recommend the orange smoothie, myself,” the cashier offered, “Definitely a classic that most people will enjoy.”

“Then I will take one average sized orange smoothie drink,” Recruit replied (though it was more like a command). “...Please and thank you.”

The cashier nodded. “One smoothie, comin’ up.” The machine worked fast, producing a cupful of frothy orange liquid within a minute. “$3.70 please,” she told her when she returned with the cup, poking a straw into its top.

Recruit nodded back at her and took out her change purse from her jacket pocket. Quickly and efficiently, she took out a neatly folded twenty dollar bill and presented it to the girl behind the counter, who just continued to smile at her. Either she was just as observant as the rest of the citizens of New York, or she simply didn’t mind Recruit’s tone. Or, perhaps it was just her job to be polite. It was most likely the third option, Recruit told herself.

The cashier accepted the bill, and as she ducked into the register, Recruit grabbed the cup and walked away as briskly as she could, taking a couple sips along the way. ...It was admittedly a pretty good smoothy, but she would focus on that later. She had wasted enough time, she had to begin the next stage of her mission. So without another moment of hesitation, Recruit walked into the shop with her smoothy in hand, and her phone at the ready…

...In highsight, maybe she had overestimated the dedication and vigilance of the shopkeepers.

She had spent an hour wandering around the small shop, staring at cameras and possible trigger spots, taking the occasional picture, and sipping her smoothie. She had done all this, and the apathetic 20-something barely even looked at her, instead focusing on his magazine. The only interaction they had was when he asked in a completely uninterested tone if she needed help finding anything, clearly not caring about the answer.

Recruit had still ended up buying a small package of incense, just in case the cashier was simply playing dumb in order to trick her into making a mistake. At least now she could claim she was in fact a paying customer if anyone confronted her about her time spent there.

Not wanting the information to be lost if someone were to ambush her on her way back to the base, Recruit took a moment to text all her information and photos to her senseis. She received a reply from her lieutenant within a few seconds.

“Excellent work, recruit! It looks like your mission was a total success, and for this, you shall be accompanying us tomorrow night when we steal the artifact!” But before she could put her phone away, she received a second text. “Brute says good work too.”

Recruit smiled. “Hai. Thank you, senseis,” she typed, finally relaxing. Her mission was officially a success, and her senseis were pleased. Now, all she had to do was make her way out of the mall, and-

“Hey! Uh, excuse me!” a voice called in the distance.

Recruit spun around. She had expected a mall cop, or even another shopkeeper. But instead, she saw the cashier from the Orange Julius, waving at her from behind the counter before racing out of the smoothie shop and towards her.

She could feel the handle of her shuriken sliding down into her palm, but she fought the urge to grip it. A fight would cause unwanted attention and suspicions… She couldn’t drop the ‘normal teenage girl’ act yet, not now! Still, Recruit raised the rest of her defenses, curious as to what this girl wanted with her, seeing as she had already successfully made her payment. Interrogation, perhaps?

“Hey!” the girl said, only a bit breathless as she slowed her pace, “Glad I caught ya! And my shift was just ending too! Heh, talk about good timing, huh?”

“What is it you want?” Recruit demanded, her tone coming out just a tad harsher than she had intended, judging by the girl’s reaction.

“You uh… Your change.” Reaching into her pocket, the girl pulled out several bills and coins. “You forgot your change earlier. I was getting it for ya and, well, you just kind of left.”

“Oh.” Right, of course. “Thank you,” Recruit nodded, accepting the change.

“Yeah, no problem,” the girl smiled, “Heh, with how expensive things are, every little bit counts, right? I’m just glad I was able to give it back to you before headin’ home.” She glanced away for a moment, holding onto her arm. “So, yeah… Glad I could help.”

“Yes…” Still staring and watching her, Recruit tilted her head a bit. So… she wasn’t going to confront her, she was just being nice? A bit unexpected, but not necessarily unwanted. “Thank you,” Recruit nodded, finally breaking the slightly awkward silence, “Your honorable actions are appreciated.” She then gripped the empty cup slightly. “And, your smoothie was very delicious.”

“Heh, oh, really? Well, it’s not my recipe but, thanks!” she smiled, “I’m glad you enjoyed it. Oh, my name’s April, by the way.”

“Yes. I can see that, according to your name tag.”

April cringed slightly, resisting the urge to facepalm. “Oh, right, duh. So uh, what’s your name?”

Recruit - Yuu - froze, though only for a moment. “Rinko,” she lied, using the first name that popped into her head. Even if her secret identity wasn’t exactly one of high status or fame, she still felt the need to protect it for both her and her clan’s sake. Only her senseis used her real name, and she wanted to keep it that way.

“Rinko,” April repeated, “That’s a nice name."

“Thank you, April is a satisfactory name as well.” April just gave a small giggle at that, falling back into casual friendliness. It was, once again, unexpected. This April didn’t really stare at her like other citizens did. If she thought Recruit was in any way out of the ordinary, she didn’t wear it on her face. Or, maybe she did think so, but didn’t mind it. “I… need to be going now,” Recruit said suddenly, “My sen- fathers are at home waiting for my return.”

“Ah, right. Yeah, I’m gonna be heading home soon too, once I grab my stuff,” April nodded, though her smile dimmed a bit, “But, hey, see you around!”

Recruit paused, her body in mid-step. She met April’s eyes, and with a slightly softer tone, she replied with “I will, and I wish you the same,” choosing to ignore the second part of the girl’s goodbye. Not sparing another word or glance her direction, Recruit walked away. Still, her hands were relaxed as she walked, staying flat rather than folding up into fists once more. That… wasn’t too aggravating of an interruption, she admitted to herself.

Still, as well as her disguise had worked, she was not an ordinary teen girl. She still had her duties to complete, training to finish before the day was up and another mission to prepare for. She just didn’t have time for unimportant activities like ‘hanging out’.

...Though, that didn’t necessarily stop her from thinking about it.

----------------

Recruits didn’t receive many days off, though with how skilled she was, Yuu could afford a couple extra ones - especially since she normally found herself training or sparring with some hopeless grunt anyway despite not being required to.

And yet, here she was, once again walking amongst the fools of the city. This time, she was wearing a garnet long-sleeved shirt and black pants. Still not quite as nice as her gi, but a bit more comfortable than a dress while still being inconspicuous, at least (even if the wig on her head still made her scalp itch).

Part of her couldn’t help but be annoyed with herself, wondering why on Earth she’d drag herself back to a place like this willingly. Even if it was the setting of her clan’s latest victory, despite the efforts of those disgusting turtles, it was still a place that offered nothing but time-wasting activities and near-useless appliances. But another part of her, well… That part was annoyed for a different reason.

The cashier at the Orange Julius, now a slightly younger, acne-covered fifteen year old boy, glanced back up at her. Recruit glared back at him, forcing his nervous gaze back to the customer he was serving. The Recruit then sighed. “I knew this was a ridiculous idea…” She had wasted enough time here.

“...Um, excuse me?” A familiar voice spoke up. Recruit turned around.

The expression on the girl’s face when from cautiously curious to a full-on grin. “Hey, I thought it was you! It’s Rinko, right?”

“Yes, that is my name,” Yuu said quickly, remembering her cover, “And I remember you as well, April.”

“Heh, cool, cool,” April nodded. Her smile faltered a bit, though at her own not exactly ‘cool’ words than anything Recruit was doing. “So, you plannin’ on getting another smoothie, or-?”

Recruit considered her answer. “I was thinking about it.” She looked at April’s outfit, this time a yellow shirt with a green jacket and black tights. “You’re not working today then?”

“Nope,” April shook her head, “In fact, I’m kiiiinda not going to be working there ever again. I got fired.”

Recruit narrowed her eyes, suddenly looking much more like her warrior-self. “On what grounds? From my experience, you performed your serving duties perfectly? What reason could your superiors have to terminate you?!”

Not at all bothered by the other girl’s tone, April just sighed. “Ask my brothers. On my last shift, they came in after hours and uh, things got a bit crazy.” That may have sounded like she was throwing her brothers under the bus, but she didn’t really know how to explain an instance where her brothers (who just so happened to be four mutant turtles) tried to chase a giant, smoothie loving mutant-silverfish out of the shop for her and ended up accidentally smashing everything in the process in a ‘normal’ way. And she miiiight have done a bit of smashing of her own when she decided it was a good idea to grab a chair from the small employee sitting area, hoping to hit the creature, only to break the chair itself.

“It’s fine, not the first time it’s happened, and it’s not like I wanted to stay there for a long time anyway.” Still, finding a new job was sure to be a pain, one that she wasn’t in the mood to endure at the moment. “So, I’m just here browsing and walking around, killing some time cause I was bored.”

“Ah. It’s for the best, then, I suppose.” Recruit looked down at April’s outfit again. “Green suits you more than orange does, if that also helps.”

April grinned, chuckling. “Thanks, I appreciate that.” Yuu didn’t smile back at her, but her gaze did soften a bit. It would seem April’s laugh was just as nice as her smile. “...Hey, so,” April began again, her own expression now a mix of hopeful and cautious, “If you’re not here for anything specific, would you wanna maybe hang out? Together? I-I mean, you don’t have to if you wanna just hang out by yourself - totally nothing wrong with hanging out by yourself! I was just, you know, offering. And uh, yeah…” She cringed again. Ugh. Why was it that she could talk to mutants no problem but was a total disaster when it came to talking to other humans? It didn’t exactly help thay Rinko was so cool looking, and nothing at all like the other kids at her school (especially given that she actually remembered April’s name…).

Recruit stared back at her. She hadn’t threatened her, yet April seemed almost nervous around her. But, not in a distrusting or suspecting way, like she knew ‘Rinko’ wasn’t who she seemed. No, instead it was a type of nervousness that, in a way… Yuu could also understand. After all, there was a reason why joining a clan of ancient monks who only judged based on merit and skill was so appealing to her. “I… believe I would enjoy hanging out with you,” she said slowly, tightening her fists but forcing herself to keep eye contact, “So, I accept your invitation. But only for a couple hours.” Couldn’t let herself get too involved after all.

Still, that was enough for April. “Great!” she grinned, “That’s, that’s great! Yeah, we can find something to do for a couple hours. Um… Have you been to the arcade on the third floor yet? They’ve added a few more games.”

“I have not,” Recruit answered. So, that’s where they went.

The silence between them was still a bit awkward as they walked, but not yet suffocating. April kept up with Recruit’s strong pace well, and only further impressed her once she demonstrated her skills on one of the virtual fighting games.

The ice had officially been broken sometime between Recruit recalling the very happy memory of how she defeated a student in her ‘class’ three years older than her when he refused to stop insulting her and April sharing the story about how she got in a fight with some girls from her rival middle school softball team and won despite being completely outnumbered, proud to reveal that she had some moves of her own. By the time they got to the wack-a-mole machines, competing to see who could get the higher score, they were getting along like old friends.

Recruit didn’t try to hold back her boasts or her victorious laughter whenever she won again, something April found both entertaining and, admittedly, a bit adorable. Whenever April snarked or offered a clever comment to someone staring at them, her nerves no longer tying a small part of her down, Recruit couldn’t help but admire her fierce spirit along with her words.

Two hours turned to three, then four with a quick stop at a frozen custard place on their way out. By the time they exchanged numbers and went their separate ways, the bright lights of the city were coming on as the sun slowly set. Still, even with a whole day gone without a single moment of actual training, Recruit couldn’t help but feel satisfied.

She would always be a warrior. She would always be a member of the Foot Clan. This was her destiny, and this was what she wanted for her life, there was no denying this.

“But…” Recruit said to herself, staring down at April’s contact information down at her phone, memorizing it all with ease, “Perhaps there is room for… other things. For now.” She wouldn’t let herself get distracted, she would continue to work hard. But forming an alliance with this girl - this girl with strong grins and a warrior’s spirit of her own and bright laughter that could bring a smile to Yuu’s own face, her friendly nature and her strength just as evident as her beauty-

She stopped, blushing at her own ridiculous thoughts. “...Forming an alliance with her would, would be only a positive.” If April’s stories were true, she could certainly hold her own in a battle. Perhaps she could even be convinced to join the Foot. But until that opportunity came up, Recruit decided with a small smile that just hanging out with her on the occasional day off would be enough in the meantime - and she was certainly looking forward to it.

With newfound energy filling her, the Recruit darted into the growing shadows, disappearing without a trace...

Across town, deep in the sewers, April was having similar thoughts as she laid face down in one of her brother’s bed, excited yet completely flustered.

“I’ve finished my scans aaaaaand yep, she’s got it bad,” Donnie commented, causing April to groan into her pillow. Raph just patted her back, and glared at Leo when he started snickering again.

“What?” Leon said, smiling sheepishly, “I’m not trying to be mean, I just think it’s cute! It’s not every day someone in this family gets to go on a, what’d you call it, April? A ‘sort of date’ and gets a huge cruuuuuu-” His teasing was cut off by an action figure to the face, courtesy of April grabbing it off his nightstand.

“Girl, you have GOT to get pictures, next time!” Mikey told her, “I wanna see her! How cool did you say she was, again? Like, ‘most popular girl in school’ cool or ‘rebel biker chick’ cool?”

“ Definitely rebel biker chick,” April answered, lifting her head a little so her voice wasn’t as muffled. She knew that even when she first saw her in pastel pink. “Trust me, this girl was just as tough as she was cool. But…”

Mikey smirked, remembering the other little detail his sis had given them. “Uh huhhhhh… And remind me, just how cute and pretty was this girl?” April just groaned again.

Donnie shook his head. “Fellas, I think we’ve officially reached ‘useless lesbian’ status.” April kicked at him, but he and the rest of her brothers could only laugh.

Okay, so maybe she was a little head-over-heels but, hey, she was April O’Neil, and she deserved to have a fun afternoon out with a cool, tough, gorgeous girl, right? Maybe Rinko was a bit strange when it came to some of her quirks, but it wasn’t as if she was rude or even THAT weird. April just had a good feeling about her, and if their next ‘sort of date’ was as fun as this one had been, then she definitely couldn’t wait for it. ...If she could work up the nerve to ask for one, that is. Honestly, she just hoped that she’d be able to initiate a text conversation without chickening out.

Still, she had a good feeling about this… And maybe if she was lucky enough, they’d get close enough and open enough for April to feel safe introducing her to her family outside of just her father and aunt. But in the meantime, April was just going to try and enjoy whatever time she got to spend with her.

She thought of Rinko’s rare smile, and closed her eyes with a blissful sigh. Just getting to see that again - to smile and laugh along with her - was enough motivation for her to at least try.

“Oh yeah,” she heard Leo say, his voice full of amused affection, “She’s definitely got it bad.” The other turtles nodded, and silently wished her the best of luck, both with winning this girl’s affection and with avoiding crazy mutants or weird flame-heads while on their dates.

THE END

[jo-the-schmo]

Red, Dead, Reflections Ch.2

Chapter 1

A/N: Finally! Chapter 2! Remember how I kept saying I was trying to get to a certain part and that’s why it was taking so long? Well, I decided to keep that until the next chapter because it was taking so long and I was already pushing a hefty word count as is. Also, the writing in this chapter isn’t as good as chapter 1 and I’m sorry about that. I’ll do my best to make chapter 3 more enjoyable. I tried really hard with this one but it just didn’t stick. It happens to all of us. I hope you still like it, though! 

Word count: 9,150 (I’m so sorry)

Warnings: Blood, animal death, explicit language, mentions of racism (not expanded, I’m white, I don’t want to be disrespectful) 

Summary: At the age of 23, you and your pseudo-family perform a heist gone wrong, leading you into a dangerous position. Discover your own history, the story of those around you, and gain new relationships along the way in this (eventual) choose your own adventure. 

Tags!: @zoilalove213 @eccentricc-catt 

A/N pt.2: THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO LIKED CHAPTER 1! Special thanks to those who wanted to be tagged and those who gave me nice reviews, I love you guys so much! I’m also super sorry that this chapter is mostly character introductions and being on the mountain. I promise you’ll get off this mountain soon! I refuse to have y’all still up there at any point during chapter 4. Hopefully that’ll make up for this gross writing. If the read more function still isn’t working, I’m gonna break Tumblr in half. 

Edit: Holy shit I’m a moron, I forgot to add the title omg I’m a fucking moron

Keep Your Eyes On The Prize

Warmth enraptured your being, wrapping around you. Your eyes fluttered open, the first thing you saw was a fire a few feet away from you. That and the pile of blankets on top of you would explain the all-consuming heat. Where am I now? You heard a light patter coming towards you. You threw the blankets off to ready yourself, worried it could be someone trying to get the upper hand on you. You were surprised to see a small figure with dark hair, who had frozen himself in place. It was a little boy. You raised your hand to surrender.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” You took a deep breath, you lowered your arms when he resumed his approach.

“Don’t worry, I’m not scared.” He hopped up to sit next to you. It just occurred to you that you had been laying on a cot. “Uncle Arthur says you’re a friend, so I wanted to watch out for you.” So that wasn’t a dream.

“Oh, well that’s very nice of you. What’s your name, buddy?” You took on a softer tone, it made you sound more feminine, but you weren’t worried about that.

“Jack Marston. My momma’s been helping to take care of you. Her and Uncle Hosea. They said your name was James?”

“Yes, sir.” You smiled. You thought it better to be safe and keep up the act.

“Uncle Dutch wants to say hi to you now that you’re awake. I can take you to him.” He jumped up, he seemed to be excited that someone new was around You conceded and pried yourself from the cot. Your chest ached. I’ll have to loosen this band again soon, no more sleeping in this thing. Your wig felt askew, so you quickly moved it back in place before the two of exited the room. You left the cabin with Jack, he led you to another one close by. You passed by a woman with long brunette hair who sent you a curious glance. Jack grabbed your hand and pulled you through the door, there was a parade of men all around.

“Ah, it seems our young gentle-friend has awoken from his slumber.” Dutch announced, everyone looked in your direction. No matter how tough you were, a group of this many people would intimidate you. You recognized Arthur and Micah on opposite sides of the room. Jack tugged on your arm again, prompting you to take a few cautious steps into the herd of questioning eyes.

“Is one of you Hosea by chance?” You asked, already slightly out of breath. You still felt exhausted, and your head was killing you. An older man with a stripped scarf stepped forward, a warm smile on his face.

“That would be me, young man.” You weakly gripped his shoulder, partly for a support and partly to show appreciation.

“Jack told me you were one of the people to take care of me, thank you.” His smile widened.

“Oh, it was no trouble, young man.” He looked over at Dutch. “You were right, Dutch. Boy’s got good manners.”

“I told ya you’d like him!” He bellowed humorously. “Young Jack, could you please help Mr. West over here by me?” Jack nodded, ushering you over to the man in the dense black coat. Dutch wrapped an arm around your shoulder to keep you steady, but it was also so that he could present you to the crowd of men in front of you. “Now, gentlemen. This here is James West. He’s a fellow from California who’ lost his way. But make no mistakes, Mr. Morgan and I have both seen the carnage this boy can cause with just his bare hands. We believe that he was captured by those nasty O’Driscolls and took quite the beating because of it. Unfortunately for both us and poor James here, it seems that the injuries he sustained have given him some memory loss.” Memory loss? “He couldn’t even believe what year it was. But he is coherent enough to remember his name and state of residence.” He looked over at you. “Now young man, we know this could be difficult, but you could you try and tell us the last thing you recall.”

These people were insane, or at least you thought they were. You wouldn’t know until you got off this mountain and found some other people, which was clearly not happening any time soon. For now, this was your situation. You were stuck on some mountain in the middle of who-knows-where with bunch of people who thought the year was 1899 and that you were some man who experienced enough blunt-force head trauma to get some mild amnesia. You were never one to bite the hand that feeds you, so you made an executive decision. Play along until you can get to safety.

“I was…with my friends.” These people were willing to kill, so there was no way crime bothered them any. “We were robbing a bank, it went wrong.” You recalled the image of Eli, Austin, and Miguel running away from the scene.  “I got hit…and that’s all I remember.” The only parts you were excluding were the fact that you were shot multiple times and that it was 2019.

“Robbing a bank, huh?” You peaked his interest. “So, you’re an outlaw then, Mr. West.”

“You could call me that, I suppose.”

“Can you shoot?” Micah chimed.

“Oh, I can more than shoot, pal.” This guy rubbed you the wrong way, and you could see a sort of look of approval from Arthur after you said that.

“Wonderful! That means you may repay us for our kindness. I don’t have all the details worked out yet, but I’ll call for you when the time comes. For now, I’d like for you to get situated among our presence. Go on now, introduce yourself to everyone.” Dutch gave a firm pat on the back, your chest tightened. Gasping for air, you checked around the room. There was a room with a door nearby, you stumbled inside, hearing the suspicious whispers of the men behind you hushed by the closing of the door. 

You pressed your back against the wood to keep it shut, stripping out of your jacket and shirt. Your ribs ached while you fumbled around. Eventually, you were able to unwind the band almost fully, the long appendages hanging loosely around your form with your left arm holding the rest of it in place. Your whole chest felt like it was on fire.

“This is what you get for leaving it on, idiot.” You whispered to yourself. You weren’t sure what you were going to do. There were a bunch of people out there waiting for you to come out and you were trapping yourself inside with your secret. “I just need a minute…shit, that hurts.”

You saw your reflection in the window across from you. Well, sort of. It was more like a clouded outline. But you could see the shift in color where the band had been wrapped. Your skin was raw. You could also see two bruises that blended into each other on your forehead, and a dark one on the bridge of your nose. That guy really got you. You pushed yourself off the door, already wincing from the anticipation of needing to bind your chest again. You readjusted and began to wrap. Not so tight this time. You would just be walking around today, there shouldn’t be an issue of it staying in place. You finally managed to get it mostly back together and went to pick up your shirt when you heard the door knob turning. You scrambled to the ground, throwing your jacket over your back. You were surprised to only see Hosea walk in and shut the door behind him. The look in his eyes was knowing and curious. You stood to your feet, arms invisible from underneath the jacket. He looked at your shirt on the ground.

“It seems my suspicions were correct. You aren’t being entirely honest with us, James.” His tone wasn’t worrying, but you thought you’d better explain yourself, fast.

“I’m so sorry, it wasn’t my intention to-“

“Don’t worry about it, son.” He interrupted, leaving you confused. You turned around, using your hand to clasp the jacket closed, hiding yourself from view.

“What?”

“I’ve met many folks in my life, young man. I won’t ask what your situation is, I don’t believe that’s my place yet. But I won’t speak a word of this, just a secret between us.” You breathed a sigh of relief, at least you knew now that one of these men was decent.

“Thank you, Hosea. I really appreciate this, you have no idea.”

“I think I can get some of the picture.” He smiled. “You’re an outlaw, sonny. An outlaw is whoever they want to be.” He turned back towards the door. “Now I’m supposed to be in here checking on you, making sure you aren’t up to anything.”

“That’s fair.” You chuckled.

“So, I have to stay in here with you until you’re ready, but I’ll give you your privacy, don’t worry.” You were thankful that one of these people may be able to keep you on everyone’s good side.

“That’s very kind of you, I can’t thank you enough for this.” You made sure to hurry up and get your shirt and jacket back on. You fixed two of the pins for your wig while you were at it. You were glad Hosea seemed smart enough, you wouldn’t take his kindness for granted, no matter how crazy these people seemed. But you had to be more careful. This wasn’t a time for everyone to be finding out you were not only lying, but the vast list of other things wrong with your situation. The further you could separate yourself from what you had gotten up to the better. These men were killers, but they weren’t you.

“Are you ready, James?” Hosea asked.

“Yes, is everyone still out there?”

“I believe only Dutch and Arthur stayed behind. Arthur and I are supposed to introduce you to everyone.” You nodded, he opened to door and you followed him out to where Dutch and Arthur were talking.

“Ah, thank goodness! What came over you, friend?” Dutch questioned.

“I believe we pushed him too far with the questions, Dutch. He lost his head for a moment.” Hosea excused.

“Yes, I’m sorry for that rude exit. Not sure what happened entirely.” You tried to reassure.

“I see, perhaps we should let the boy rest a bit longer.”

“Thank you, sir, but there’s no need. I don’t wanna be a bother, the least I could do is help around, be of some use.” Now was the time to suck up. You had to repay your debt to him and gain his trust. He liked your answer. He was clearly the leader of the group, and from the few interactions you’d had, you could tell they were tight knit. If you wanted to get off this mountain and not end up like those men at the cabin, you’d have to play into their hand.

“That’s a good man right there, I think we struck luck with this one!” He gestured between Arthur and Hosea. “Could you two show him around, we want him to get acquainted with everyone in camp before we get any further.” They agreed and led you back outside.

“Okay, Hosea, where should we start first?” Arthur asked, fixing his gloves.

“Well, I have some business to discuss with Miss Grimshaw, so I would prefer we find her first.”

“Will Jack’s mom be there? He said she was looking out for me too and I’d like to thank her personally for that.”

“She may be, but we are sure to run into her soon, so don’t fret.” Hosea said. Your group walked trudged through the snow to get to a wooden cabin. You saw mostly women inside, including the brunette who looked at you earlier and Mrs. Adler.

“Fine weather we’re having, ladies.” Arthur joked.

“Yeah, real funny.” A blonde woman rolled her eyes.

“It was. Anyhow, this here is James West. I know y’all have been real curious about him.” You followed their lead and walked over to the group of women. An older woman came forward with her hands on her hips.

“This here is Miss Grimshaw, James. You best respect her, Dutch may want to think we’re his people but we’re really hers.” Hosea’s eyes wrinkled at his own humor.

“Of course, thank you for showing me kindness, Miss Grimshaw.” You made sure to sound serious. You weren’t planning on disrespecting anyone, let alone someone who seemed so important. She cracked a grin and pinched your cheeks. You almost squeaked in surprise, but you managed to hold it in.

“Boy’s got a prettier face than you, Arthur! How old are ya?” She teased.

“23, Miss, that is if my memory serves.”

“Ah, we got ourselves a young one! He’ll be able to do some mighty fine work once he’s back in order. You be sure to repay our kindness, ya got that, young man?”

“With pleasure, Miss. I always repay my debts.” That was certainly true in most cases.

“You also best be careful-“ She grabbed the edge of your jacket and yanked you closer. She lowered her voice in your ear. “Don’t try anything with my girls, ya hear? If I find out you’ve been disrespectful to any of them, my face will be the last thing you see.” She let go to gauge your reaction.

“Of course, Miss Grimshaw. I would never dream of overstepping my bounds. You have my word.” You bowed your head at her as a sign of honest intentions. Her smile returned.

“Fantastic!” She hooked her arm around yours  and lead you closer to the women. “I’ll introduce you then.” She pointed to the blonde with the whole body eyeroll. “The smart mouth is Karen Jones.”

“Howdy.” She waved. Next to her was a red head.

“That one’s Molly O’Shea.” Miss Grimshaw looked at the woman with warm, dark skin in a yellow skirt. “That’s Tilly Jackson, don’t let her sweet talk ya.”

“Hello.” Tilly said with energy in very voice. It suddenly dawned on you that these people were surprisingly less racist than to be expected out of anyone who thinks it’s 1899. You felt lucky for that one. It would tear you up to discover that anyone was being treated badly. These guys may have lost their minds, but intolerance wasn’t something that you tolerated. Especially after everything in your life.  

“That’s Mary-Beth.” She pointed out the brunette from outside, she smiled sweetly up at you.

“Nice to meet you.” She went back to writing after hitting you with that same glance from earlier. The last woman looked up from what she was doing, she was wearing a black hood over her head. “Abigail Marston, she’s my hardest worker.” You recognized the name.

“Are you Jack’s, mother?” You asked.

“Yes, I am.” You carefully stepped over and kneeled down to the level she was sitting at.

“He told me you were one of the people to take care of me while I was out, I wanted to thank you personally for your generosity.” You bowed your head and stood up. “Thank you, Mrs. Marston.”

“Well ain’t you just the definition of a gentleman.” Arthur was clearly trying to tease you, boys were usually like that.

“Don’t get anywhere in life without being kind to those who are kind to you.”

“Fair enough.” You were glad he agreed. You turned your attention back to the women.

“It was a pleasure to make your acquaintance, my name is James West, by the way. I know Arthur already said that, but I try my best to be polite.” Try is the operative word here. Karen whispered to Mary-Beth and Tilly.

“Arthur, take James over to meet the boys and make a good second-impression. I have to speak to Miss Grimshaw for a moment on matters of housing. I’ll meet you over there.” Hosea said as he pulled Miss Grimshaw aside. Arthur lazily waved you over and you made sure not to delay this. You looked back at the group as you walked.

“Thank you for your time, it was nice to meet all of you.” Arthur let you walk out first. The wind hit you like a truck. Arthur held your shoulder to keep you in place and make sure you wouldn’t blow away.

“Ya alright there, partner?” You steadied yourself, he released his grip.

“Yeah, I’m good. Not used to this kind of cold. Thanks for the help.”  

“Everyone went back to their cabin after your episode.” The two of you marched toward the cabin you had woken up in. There was muffled yet loud conversation happening inside. The second the door opened, everyone got quiet. “Hello again, gentlemen.” The room sounded with a few ‘hey Arthur’s before going back down again, everyone was locking eyes on you. It wasn’t a good idea to hide behind Arthur and let him do the talking, they’d prefer you explain yourself.

“Hello everyone.” You stepped around the bulky blue coat, throwing yourself into the spotlight. “My head was unwell back there, I apologize for that. My name is James West, I’d like to help you in anyway I can. I’d hate to mooch off of your hospitality.” They seemed to approve of your answers so far.

“Well don’t be shy, ya idiots, introduce yourself, shake the boy’s hand or somethin’.” Arthur really did have no filter, huh? The first person to approach you was a man wearing a giant black hat and an equally frightening mustache. He took your hand in an eager handshake, which surprised you to say the least.

“Reverend Swanson, Orville Swanson.” Ah, a holy man, a bit ironic for the situation, isn’t it? You coughed and got your voice back into place.

“Good to meet ya, Reverend.” You pushed past him and put yourself in the center of 3 men who were sitting near each other. The youngest one stood up first. He looked to be around your age but definitely younger, which made you kinda mad that everyone was acting like you were so young. That told you they were trying to prove a point.

“Lenny Summers, nice meeting ya.” You gave him a firm handshake. You felt surprisingly comfortable with him, since he was about your age, time to lighten the mood.

“Summers? Don’t’cha mean Winters?” You pointed at the window that was mostly boarded up but showed some of the snow outside through the cracks. He held in some kind of sound, only a little creak escaping. You considered that to be a win in Y/N’s a Comedy Master, Volume VI. The other two squinted there eyes, but you could tell they were hiding their amusement. Lenny sat down, the man with very interesting facial hair stood up. It didn’t look bad on him, you were just confused as to what you’d classify it as for a second. If anything, the hat was what threw you off the most. It suddenly dawned on you that a lot of these guys would look better without their hats. You paused that thought for a moment.

“Javier Escuella. Pleasure.” He smirked.

“It’s good to meet you, Javier.” His handshake was not as hesitant as Lenny’s was by comparison, but it was fairly quick. The last man in the semi-circle stood. And he was a giant. You had seen him earlier but for some reason his height and just overall existence didn’t hit you until that moment. He had the longest hair of anyone in the room. Maybe you’d be able to get out of wearing the wig over time. With some lying, obviously. You held your hand out to him first.

“James, it’s nice to meet you.” His handshake was unexpectedly gentle.

“Charles, Charles Smith.” His voice was also softer than you’d have predicted. You supposed he didn’t need to compensate for presence so there wasn’t a point in being loud. You could tell right off the bat that he was a quiet type, but you were used to that from Miguel, so it didn’t matter much. You turned away to face the 3 other men on the other side of the room. You already knew the blonde one.

“Micah, right?” You asked. You didn’t particularly want to get near him, but you conceded and held your hand out. He squeezed your hand just a little too hard, you did the same in return, and a little too much energy was put into it. He was still mad about your first encounter with him in the cabin. “Good to finally get a proper introduction.”

“Yeah, right.” You made the mental note that he was for sure an asshole and to watch out for him. A different man grabbed your attention, he didn’t seem pleased.

“My name is Simon Pearson, I’m the cook around here, and with you and that new woman hanging about, you better be helping enough to get your share.” You remember Arthur mentioning him. You shook his hand with both of yours to signify peacemaking.

“Of course, sir. I’ll do more than my share. I’m always willing to help.” You were aware that a lot of the things you were saying were repetitive, but that was usually how mass introductions went. A man with a very full beard was the last one at the moment. “Hello, I’m James West.”

“Bill.” He answered simply. Okay, not in the talking mood right now. Got it. You heard Arthur’s voice again.

“John’s out of commission at the moment, we won’t be worried about that dumbass.” You heard a familiar patter on the floor coming in your direction.

“James!” Jack rammed into your leg before you got a chance to react. He almost knocked you off balance.

“Woah, hey there, buddy.” You knelt down in front of him to get on his level. “What have you been up to? On patrol?” He seemed to be the only kid here, that’s gotta be stressful on him.

“Yeah! Been waiting outside Papa’s room since you’re awake now.” He informed.

“Wow, strong and vigilant? You’re a real power house there, little man.” You balled your hands into fists and lightly bopped him on the chest, one with each hand. “Pow, pow!” You exaggerated onomatopoeically. You could tell this was more interaction than he was used to. You were more than happy to brighten his mood.

“Uncle Dutch says you’re a good fighter.”

“Uncle Dutch would be right, gotta hit ’em with that one-two!” You hit him two more times, a wide smile on his face. He mimicked the way you blocked your face with your hands. His small fist gingerly punched your forearm. “Come on! You can do better than that, buddy!” You stood up, bouncing and shifting your weight between your feet. He tried to do the same, but it came out more as an awkward skip-in-place. “See? You’re a natural, little dude! A little practice and you could pin all of us.” He hit your knee a couple times, making little ‘psh’ sounds when he did.

“Will you teach me?” He was elated, you weren’t sure how long you’d be with them, but it seemed like you’d be up here for a while. Might as well, it also might win you bonus points with the others. But in all honesty, you weren’t thinking about that much.

“Sure thing, buddy.” He was really happy for that answer. “But…” He paused. You swooped down and picked him up, resting him on your shoulder in a fireman’s carry. “Lesson number one, never let your opponent take you off guard, or something unexpected might happen.” You were suddenly very aware that you weren’t alone in the room. You got so distracted by Jack that you forgot that you were in a room full of people. Jack squirmed around, laughing with the kind of energy you’d expect from a kid without child interaction and stuck on a recluse mountain with a bunch of sad-sack adults.

“Uncle Arthur! Javier!” He took a breath between fits of giggles. “You’re upside down!”

“Alright, little dude.” You made sure to be gentle as you set him back down to his feet. “I’ll teach some more later, okay?” You looked over, everyone was staring at you with varying looks about them Confusions, amusement, conjecture. “Oh, don’t look at me like that, how could any of you say no to this face?” You ruffled Jack’s hair. “That’s an objectively sweet face that you can’t say no to.”

“I don’t know ‘bout sweet, but he’s rambunctious that’s for sure.” Arthur commented with the knowing nods of several men as their response. You crossed your arms as Jack ran off to do something else.

“How long have you all been stuck up here?”

“A few days,” Charles started, “A few bad days at that.”

“We’re running low on supplies, food most importantly.” Pearson added. “I haven’t been able to do my job properly since we got up here, ever since Blackwater.” Blackwater? You wanted to ask, but the look on everyone’s faces told you you’d be overstepping your bounds. You decided to go a different direction.

“I know we’re in the middle of winter, but there’s gotta be animals, yeah?”

“Everyone I’ve sent out as come up empty-handed.”

“No, James is right. There’s game on this mountain, we just aren’t finding it.” Charles gestured to his wrapped hand. “And this certainly isn’t making me feel better about it. I’m going hunting.” He stood and walked over to a corner where some things were sitting.

“Yer hand’s burnt, you won’t be able to shoot.” Arthur’s accent slurred. Charles was about to say something, but you cut him off.

“Yeah, and? His hands don’t need to work for tracking. Just send someone else up there with him who can kill.”

“That’s a great idea! You and Arthur can go with him!” Pearson sassed, “That man’s been irritable with nothing to do.” Arthur grumbled in response.

“I’d be more than happy to help,” You really wanted to get back in your element. All this social work was more Austin and Gina’s speed. “but I’m not sure how helpful I’ll be.”

“You ever been hunting?” Charles went and handed a bow to Arthur.

“Something like that.”

“That’s better than nothing in my opinion. Come on, you can borrow one of the others’ horses.” Someone walked in.

“You can take mine. Silver Dollar should be pretty tame for you.” It was Hosea.

“Meet us there my ass, old man.” The blue-clad cowboy mocked.

“Apologies, got a bit held up with preparations. Charles, Arthur, bring back something good and make sure the kid gets the hang of things.” Hhhhhh, Hosea you’re really nice, but please don’t call me kid. Now wasn’t the time for corrections, you could do that later. They agreed and motioned for you to follow them outside.

The window was starting to slow down, which was more than welcome in your opinion. The snow crunched lightly, the way it does when multiple people have already walked on it. You missed California’s ridiculous heat. Despite the air being cold though, it was much easier to breathe than that smog. Your eyes burned from the sun reflecting off the plush snow. This is fucking blinding, how can any of you see ever? The three of you approached what was, basically to you, a herd of horses. They mounted their horses on silence, you approached a grey one.

“I’m going to assume this is Silver Dollar?” Arthur nodded to confirm your suspicions. You pulled yourself up and adjusted. Alright, just a group of guys going huntin’, just a couple of dudes, some good’ol’boys…how do I make this thing go? You looked up to try and learn through observation. Okay, I’ll just…give him a little- you lightly tapped your heel against the side of the horse, he came to a trot, following behind Charles. Don’t show any fear, they can sense it. Just be chill and respect the animal, and he’ll do the same for you. You at least would hope that for the time being.

Charles and Arthur picked up the pace, so you followed suit, not nearly as fast, but you were at least keeping up. There was a gaping silence that didn’t bother you. It finally gave you a chance to take in your surroundings. To say that the scenery was breathtaking would be an understatement. You weren’t sure if you had seen anything more beautiful in your entire life. Why had you never gone this far out? It seemed like a good a place as any to hide away, other than the blizzards. Charles broke that silence all too soon.

“What did you mean earlier? About hunting.” He clarified. You recalled your answer from earlier.

“Yeah, I was wonderin’ ‘bout that.” Arthur added. You tried to think of a way to phrase this without giving too much away.

“It wasn’t so much hunting as it was scavenging at that point. Can’t hunt something that’s already dead. Tracks and all.”

“Scavengin’?”

“Times were…desperate.” You decided to leave it at that for the time being.

“Have you ever tracked a deer?” Charles asked.

“Not a deer, but if you point some out to me, I should be able to find it pretty easily.”

“Good, we’ll need 2. You and Arthur get one each.” It wasn’t long before you passed through a stream and then came upon a clearing where Charles told you two to slow down. You followed in his example when he dismounted. “We’ll need to continue on foot from here.” He pointed at a trail of imprints in the ground. “Think you can find that?”

“Yeah, no problem.” You followed along it, just walking for a few steps to make an assessment. “She definitely isn’t far. The snow is deep, and the tracks are undisturbed.” You had never been out looking for food in the snow, but it seemed easier than dry ass California. You stopped to look ahead, listened closely. You could hear another part of the stream you passed earlier. Animals get thirsty too. “Alright, get down low, don’t wanna make too much noise.” Arthur seemed reluctant, but Charles was pleased with your competence. It was odd to slink around in broad daylight, but there was no helping it. You saw one in the distance.

“Arthur, ready yourself.” Charles took the lead now, inching the group a few feet closer. It was a buck. But there did seem to be a few others scattered about. If y’all were quick, this should only take a few more minutes.

“This is probably a good time to remind you both that I’ve never used a bow for hunting or anything like that, so maybe Arthur should handle this one.” You whispered.

“Don’t worry, they’ll scatter once Arthur shoots. We’ll have to track them a bit further. Shouldn’t take long, though.” You were crouched down in between the two of them, Arthur was lining up his shot. “Aim for the neck.” It was only a moment later that you a quick, air splitting sound. The buck fell to the ground. The rest of the deer, having heard him collapse, scattered themselves about just as Charles said they would. “Okay, go ahead and haul that one. James and I will keep going to save us a few minutes.”

“You got it.” He sighed, standing upright and walking over to the now dead animal after handing you the bow with a few arrows in its quiver. Now separated, you and Charles continued to skulk about. Most of them ran upstream, so that was your best guess on where to go. Luckily, Charles was still leading, and you were satisfied to see he took the same direction you were taking. A doe was in the distance, you could already see her heavy breathing from running when Charles had you stop.

“Okay, draw your bow.” You slid the arrow weakly into place. “Don’t over extend the string, but don’t be too free with it either.” You tried to do what he said, Your dominant hand held the arrow in place, the other gripped the wooden curve. You drew back. “A little more.”

“Like this?” You corrected yourself.

“Yes, but don’t fire yet.” His hand reached forward, grasping at the base of the bow just under where yours was located. You let him guide your aim to the side. He stopped moving but kept his position.

“Now?”

“Take a deep breath.” Inhale. “Release when you breathe out.” Exhale.

You let loose. The arrow flew through and made the doe squeal and fall to her side. The rest of the group fled. Leaving the body behind. You mentally high-fived yourself. Hell yeah!

“You did a good job. Come on, it’s time to collect.” Both of you stood, roaming towards the carcass.

“Thank you for your patience.” You replied with a smirk. You’d like to say the sight of something dead was what made you feel sick, but it was the blood. You chose to believe it was the way the color popped against the pure snow. The way it looked like cherry cough syrup or Kool-Aid left a terribly familiar taste at the back of your throat. But you decided not to show hesitation. Weakness will show more of you than any words people can claw from you. The words rang in your head. You pulled the arrow out of its windpipe.

“I’ll carry it back to horses.”

“But your hand-“

“I don’t need one hand to use the other’s arm.” His tone was more relaxed than it had been before, less formal. He hefted the body and carried it over his shoulder. “Come, Arthur’s bringing over the horses.” And he was. Arthur was a little over five yards away. You were surprised by how little time you all spent doing this. With both deer slumped on the back of Charles and Arthur’s horses, you started the ride back to camp. I’m kinda getting the hang of this. It’s kinda like driving a living motorcycle, but it can go slow without cruising.

It seems you spoke too soon, as a sudden howl in the distance caused Silver Dollar to buck you off. Your back hit the ground, Arthur hopped down. He held the reins of his horse to make sure they wouldn’t run off. You hurried to your feet.

“Arthur-“

“I know, I’ll handle it.”

“I’ll lead the horses a little a ways while you deal with them.” Charles took Arthur’s reins and then turned to look at you. “James, you-“ The barking was getting louder, grey spikes of fur were sprinting towards your group. You knew there was no way you could get back on and start moving in time.

“Go on ahead, I’ll be fine!” Besides, this was your field of expertise in one way. Hunting wasn’t your strong-suit, but defense sure as hell was. You darted off to the side, swinging your jacket off, raising the shoulders as far as your arms could reach while running. You let out a loud scream as one approached you, not out of fear, but to make it fear you. It still charged toward you with less ferocity. You managed to kick it in the side and ran, side-stepping your way to Arthur. A shot rang out, one of the three wolves fell over, dead. The other flanked and clamped its maw on Arthur’s arm. His gun fell to the ground. You rolled to grab it.

You pulled the hammer back and fired at the beast the second Arthur was able to force himself free. Pull back, turn. You used your opposite hand to grab your wrist and steady your arm. One last shot pounded just as the wolf you had kicked was about to pounce. Arthur clutched onto his right arm, bloody holes blotting through. You picked up your jacket and shook the snow off before sliding it back on.

“You’re a good shot, boy. I know who’s getting a gun as soon as we get off this damn mountain.” He laughed, ignoring the pain that should be in his arm.

“I make it a habit of having one, so yeah.” You flipped the revolver in your hand, handle facing Arthur. He took it and tipped his hat to you.

“Thank’ya, Mr. West.”

“It’s no trouble. You probably could’ve handled them, you aren’t the damsel type.” Charles trotted back over with Silver Dollar and whatever horse Arthur was riding trailing behind him.

“You two handled that quickly.”

“You mean James handled that quickly. All I went and did was get my arm bit.”

“One outta three ain’t bad.” You retorted.

“Y’know I knew someone who died from getting bit.”

“You’re not gonna die from a little wolf bite, Arthur.” Charles sighed.

“But you don’t know that!” Arthur was surprisingly funny for someone who looks so sad. Then again, it shouldn’t be that shocking to you. Charles snorted but did not give further response. You and Arthur got back on the saddles and began the journey to their camp.

“You’ll be fine as long as that thing didn’t have rabies. Just keep it clean and dry for the time being.”

“They call me Rabid Morgan.” Arthur stared into the distance.

“They say you can see his red eyes from a mile away.” Charles joined.

“Rabid Man Morgan, the shredder of limbs, no matter whomst they belong.” You let a chuckle slip.

“Dutch and Hosea are gonna think you’re dying if they hear all this talk.” His long hair shook in motion with his head.

“All the more reason to keep talkin’ if ya ask me.”

“Well, I’m calling you that from now on. I’m never going to explain what it means.” You warned.

“Perfect.” You had barely noticed how close to the camp you’d gotten. Good conversation makes for easy travel, you supposed. Pearson was the first to greet you at his station.

“Sounds like a bunch of gossiping milkmaids are invading the camp.”

“Never heard of laughter, Mr. Pearson?” You teased. You were aware you were acting a bit too comfortable, but this would give you a good idea of where to draw the line.

“Not that I recall. You bring anything useful for me?” You slid off the side and took initiative of hoisting the doe onto your shoulders. It was heavier than you expected, but you were able to get it into the open area Pearson directed you towards. Albeit, you didn’t do it as gracefully as Charles had or how Arthur was doing it now, but you did it, nonetheless.

“Ever skinned a de-“ Charles was interrupted,

“WEST YOU SACK OF SHIT!” by the obnoxious wailing of a blonde idiot. Micah was stomping his way through the snow, eyes burning into you. You squinted in distrust of the situation. By the time he was two feet from you, you’d expected him to slow down.

“What do you want Mi-“ But he didn’t. He shoved you back, making you hit a cleared part of Pearson’s desk. He pulled you forward by the collar of your jacket and the center of your shirt.

“I don’t know who the hell you think you are gettin’ special privileges around here, but ya best watch yerself and how you carry. I got my eye on you.” He was trying to assert his fragile dominance over you.

“I don’t know what you’re on about, dickhead. But if you don’t get your filthy paws off of me in the next two seconds, I’m gonna make sure we have matching bruises.” You wrinkled your nose.

“Micah, put the poor boy down right now!” You heard Dutch’s voice coming closer but didn’t break eye contact with Micah. He threw you further onto the table before turning away from you.

“You seriously trust this runt, Dutch? Look at him. Maggot’s got lies smeared all over his face.”

“And you’ve got brown smeared all over your nose, back up.” You practically vaulted off the table, using your forearm and pressure to Micah’s chest to force him back.

“The god damn kid get’s his own space but not any of the others who been here longer? Here I am having to-“

“Don’t call me kid, ever again. Unless you want a broken neck.” Nothing got to you more than that, especially when someone was using it the way he was. Your stare was enough to pierce skin. Arthur grabbed Micah’s shoulder.

“And I’d thank you kindly to not even try and finish that sentence. We already heard you whine earlier. The way I see it, yer at least two against one right now, and that ain’t even including everyone here that would beat you the first chance they got. I don’t care how tough you think you are, those aren’t good odds. So, I suggest you shut that trap of a mouth you have.” His voice was low, there seemed to be some history behind that response, but you couldn’t think about that too much right now. Micah shook away his touch, pushing past Dutch and Charles, he mumbled something to himself as he stormed off. You could feel the pressure of your jaw clenching and your nails digging into your palm.

You paced about, narrowly avoiding the deer corpses around you. Remember to breathe, Y/N. You can’t pass out again. Control yourself. You’re alright. No point in getting mad over the stupid, you’ll scream all day. You wanted to destroy something. You couldn’t stand people like him, it ripped at your gut like a beast starving for your insides. You took a few deep breaths before pacifying yourself enough to address the men around you.

“Forgive me, gentlemen. That situation was a bit too tense for me to bear.” You tried to resist the urge to pull at your hair, considering it wasn’t your hair.

“You reacted better than most people would, nothing to apologize for.” Arthur was steadfast in watching Micah leave. Dutch stepped forward and held you still with both hands just under the joint of your shoulder. He had to bend down a bit to get at eye level with you.

“He can be rough around the edges, but you’ll get used to him. I can see that fire in your eyes, boy. There ain’t nothing wrong with it, but I’d like you to hold that fire close for a few hours more.” He sounded like Austin, which was simultaneously comforting and nerve-wracking. He traded glances with the two men you had rode back with but staying in the same position. “While you boys were gone, I had some of the others ride out to scour the area, and we’ve struck gold.” He stood up straight, still holding onto you. “The O’Driscolls have a camp a little a ways from here. Mrs. Adler informed me of some of the talk that was happening in her house, and apparently there was word of a train.”

“A train?” You questioned.

“That’s right, young man. We need money.” Doesn’t everybody? “I only send my best men for these jobs, but I wanna see how good you really are, Mr. West.”

“Oh, he’s good. Even Arthur was impressed.” Charles elbowed Arthur’s arm.

“That true, son?”

“I saw him kill two wolves today. Only used a bullet for each. Hit ‘em both right here-“ He tapped the middle of his forehead with index finger. “-so, yeah, I’d wager he’s pretty good.” A grin stretched across Dutch’s face.

“Fantastic, let’s hope your as good at shootin’ O’Driscolls as you are at shootin’ wild animals.” He gave you an affirming pat on the bicep. “Ah hell, who am I kiddin’? They’re the same thing.” He turned to walk out, calling back to all of you before being out of earshot. “Ill see you gentlemen in the morning, we leave at 10 o’clock!” The excitement was clear in his speech.

This place was weird. These people were fucking weird. The more you stayed here, the more convincing these people seemed. What the hell was their deal? They acted like normal people, not like cultists or anything. How did they think it was 1899? It would make sense if they’d been on the mountain for years, but they just got here not too long ago. It gave you a headache just thinking about it. You needed to ask more questions without seeming eager to leave.

“Sorry about Micah, he’s like that with almost everyone.” Charles’s voice broke your thoughts.

“I’m fine. He’s lucky Dutch stepped in. I don’t let anyone push me around.” Anymore.

“You’re on edge. There’s not much to do up here but work. You can help Arthur skin the pelts. Might help distract you.” He suggested, pulling what looked like a hunting knife from his belt. You took it reluctantly, knowing you’d need something to do to keep yourself from losing it. You got down on one knee, waiting to follow Arthur’s lead. Time to talk.

“How far are we from Blackwater?” You pretended to know what that place was.

“Not far enough if you ask me.” Pearson complained. “Then again, we left a lot down there.”

“Like food?” Arthur muttered.

“A comedian as always, Mr. Morgan.” Pearson was not amused.

“What happened to you guys over there?” They were hushed by that question for a second.

“I don’t think any of us are entirely sure.” Charles contemplated for a moment. “But now we’re wanted. Every last one of us. We won’t be able to go back for some time.” His eyes met yours, halting the slide of the blade. “I hope that doesn’t interfere with you staying with us for the time being.” You were sad that you weren’t bothered by this, not in the slightest. People being hunted didn’t even phase you.

“I’d be a hypocrite if I let it.” You sighed, you let your guard slip. “I’ve been on the run since I was 19. This doesn’t change anything.” You immediately caught your mistake. Shit. No, it’s fine. They still don’t know who I am. I’m fine. But something suddenly struck you. How could these people be on the run from the law if they thought it was the 19th century?

“What got you?” Arthur asked. It floored you mentally, no one had ever asked you that question. Mostly because you never told anyone who didn’t already know. It wasn’t something you exactly go around flaunting. Him and Charles could see the alarm in your expression.

“Just…” How do you say it? “I made some bad choices.” You don’t. You hurried to finish the carving, wanting to get out of the conversation as fast as possible. You could tell they wanted to press but, lucky for you, decided against it. You rolled the fur up and hooked the cadaver onto a bare wall next to Arthur’s. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” You kept your head down as you walked away.

This wasn’t the time to be thinking about that. You had to think of a way to get back to the others. Where would you go once you got off the mountain? What would even happen when the others got off? There was no way they could avoid cities. You could hardly believe their entire reality hadn’t broken already. Blackwater had to be a town or something. And they were running from the law. The more you heard and thought, the more it didn’t add up. You got lost in that pensive side of yourself.

Something hit your chest, well, someone. You saw the book fall before the girl. It was the brunette you met earlier, you thought Mary-Beth was her name. She was quiet when she fell initially, but as she leaned forward on her elbows, she let out a grunt of pain. You snapped out of your trance and quickly bent closer to her, holding out your hand.

“I’m so sorry, miss.” She took your hand, the back of hers facing up to the sky. You pulled her up halfway and used your other hand to press the space between her shoulder blades. You did this to avoid pulling her too hard as helped her back to her feet. Once she was balanced, you let go and snatched her book from the snow. Fortunately, it fell cover side down. “I should have been looking where I was going. Are you alright?”

“I’m alright, thank you, Mr. West.” She took the book as you presented it to her. “I should’ve been paying attention too.” Her eyes squinted, inspecting you closely, like she was trying to figure something out.

“Well, I’m still sorry.” Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. You took a step back and turned away.

“Wait!” She grabbed your wrist. “Hosea wanted us to let you know Miss Grimshaw set up a space for you.” You looked back at her.

“A space?”

“Yes! He told us about how common it is for people in your condition to episodes, especially in their sleep. So, he had us make something for privacy.” Seems a few of your questions were answered.

“Is that what Micah was upset about earlier?”

“Yes, I’m sorry about him. He doesn’t know when to keep himself in check most of the time.” She pulled you toward the cabin you had been placed in. When you walked in, Bill and Javier were the only ones in the main room. You attention immediately went to what looked like a make shift tent at the right end of the room. It looked like what would happen if you split a tent in half and let it rest against a wall. Or like something a few kids would make, not in terms of quality but rather conceptually. It was very well done by blanket fort standards.

“Wow, Mary-Beth, that looks really nice.” You did appreciate the effort genuinely. You reminded yourself to thank Hosea for saving you some trouble. “How many of you worked on this?”

“It was mostly Tilly, Karen, and I. I wasn’t sure if you were much or a writer, but I left an extra pencil and a few sheets of paper to keep yourself entertained.”

“Thank you so much, this is very nice of all of you to do for me.” You smiled at her. “Be sure to let me know if there’s anything you need, I’d feel bad if I didn’t repay you all in some way.” Your request tickled her fancy.

“You sound kinda like Arthur.”

“That a good thing?”

“Yes, I’d reckon so.” Her expression was tender and thoughtful. “I’ll let the girls know you appreciate our hard work. Hosea said you should rest to not create any more discomfort.” She pivoted back towards the door. “Oh! And be sure to eat something in the morning. No telling when the last time you ate was…Actually, I’ll see if I can drop any off to you when it’s ready.”

“You don’t need to do that, you all have done-“

“Nonsense! I’m surprised you were well enough to go out in the condition Dutch said you were in. ‘Sides, y’all are going out again tomorrow, right?”

“Well, yes, but-“

“But nothing! You go and rest right now, young man!” You couldn’t tell if she was older than you, but she sure didn’t look it. Regardless, you conceded.

“Yes, ma’am.” She left you to your own devices, Javier and Bill were focusing on their own activities. You took it upon yourself to crawl into the makeshift tent. It was wide enough for the cot you woke up on. The blanket making the fake wall and roof was high enough for you to sit on the cot but not much else. It was a good thing that’s all you’d need.

You sat down in the middle, letting the blanket curtain to hide you from everyone else. Taking off your coat and lifting up your shirt, you felt joy well up in your chest, joy mixed with a stiff pain. Even with it barely being able to stay up, it was still painful to keep the fabric wrapped around you. You could feel your skin rejoice as you removed it. Once the manila colored cloth was all unbound and sitting on your lap, you let your shirt fall back down. You decided to hide it under the cot for the time being. You were surprised to find a canteen and the items Mary-Beth had mentioned earlier. Thankfully, the contents of the canteen was water, which you happily swigged. You laid back on the cot. This was the first time you’d gotten conscious alone time.

Okay, time to figure this out. I was shot 6 times. I should be dead. But somehow, I ended up on a mountain in winter. I was trapped in a barn and rescued by these guys who think it’s 1899. What’s weird is that Mrs. Adler didn’t object to that, even though she was introduced to everyone the same night I was. None of this is adding up…

You massaged your temples.

If I’m gonna start thinking crazy, I might as well go all out right now. I’m either dead or I traveled back in time. And either way, I can’t do anything about it. Death is inescapable and time isn’t tangible, it isn’t even real. I’ll have to take this one goal at a time… Damnit!

You wanted to cry. Not because you felt sorry for yourself, but for them. Miguel, Eli, what would they do without you? You knew Austin would be fine, and Gina would have the others for support. But Eli and Miguel relied on you to a certain extent. You were their glue. That’s one of the reasons you never left, even though you should have. You should have left a long time ago. There was no way to tell them you were okay, or at least as okay as you could be.

No! There’s no way that’s the answer. I can’t believe it…not yet. You didn’t allow yourself the indulgence of shedding tears. You had to be strong until you could get back to them. You just had to figure out what was happening. But there was no way you’d be learning anything new from these people. You couldn’t get out of this place without their help. You were a lot of things, but you weren’t a defeatist. Going out without a plan in this kind of temperature was a death sentence if you weren’t already dead. You didn’t want to be stupid and take that kind of risk.

If I play along, I might have a chance.

And that’s all I need.

[kirishwima]

“I think I’m in love with you and that scares me half to death.” Lance to Keith maybe? B) but anything is fine

you know just what to send to break my heart now don’t you? B))

Hope you like it!

From these prompts

*****

There’s something about looking at old photographs.It’s not tangible, it’s not an emotion you can really describe.

Keith would call it nostalgia, but it’s not, not really.

There’s nothing nostalgic in the photos where he stands alone, a pouty child that doesn’t look to the lens, the person behind it not catching his interest, not meeting his gaze.

There’s nothing nostalgic in the photographs he sent to his brother Shiro in his high school years, sitting behind a desk with bloodshot eyes and cigarettes roughly hidden in the background, photographs captured and sent only to prove that he’s alive and as well as he could be when staying alone, when his apartment was always too dark, too quiet. Too lonesome.

He supposes, though, that the feeling changes as he scrolls through his phone, looking to his recent photographs.

It starts slow.

A photograph of him, Shiro, Matt and Pidge, all looking to the camera with tired smiles, after a day of packing and moving; it was the day he and Pidge moved in together to start university, anxiety in their stomachs and a rush on their cheeks.

There’s more, of Pidge trying to reach a cupboard and standing on a chair on her tiptoes. Matt, playing video games with Shiro, his mouth open as if yelling, Shiro smirking as he glares at the screen.

Then come more people.

There’s Allura, her elbow resting cheekily on Shiro’s shoulder, looking to the lens with an effortless beauty, a small smile and a wink. Keith is somewhere in the background, his lips turned into a frown, a pile of books to his side.

Here comes Hunk next, a shy smile and hands forming the victory sign, Keith standing next to him with a neutral expression, Pidge in-between them holding a teddybear that’s the same height as her, the blinking lights of an arcade behind them.

Then there’s Lance.

A blurry photo at first, one he took himself with a casual smile and half lidded eyes, which he then instructed Keith to set as his contact photo.

Another of Lance and Hunk, devilish smirks and a few more with expressions more ridiculous than the other, on a day Keith left them unsupervised with his phone.

There’s a photo of Lance and Keith that Hunk took last year on halloween, dressed as Scully and Mulder, Lance’s height simply unfair in the short black heels he was wearing, his wig falling slightly to the side. Pidge is there too in the back, dressed in a green morph suit with beady black eyes, holding a sign saying ‘I want to believe’.

Keith won’t admit to taking the next few photos.If anyone asks, he’ll insist it wasn’t him that took them, that he doesn’t even know how they ended up on his phone.

But there’s a photo of Lance, his eyes shut and lips parted, his cheek resting on his palm, glasses pushed up and expression serene, half-asleep over a pile of medical books.

Keith only took it to tease him for it after, for falling asleep in the middle of a study session.He never expected his stomach to twist and turn, for his heart to leap, hands shakily begging to go through Lance’s hair, to feel the urge to kiss the silly expression off the boys’ lips.

There came more candid photos after that.Of Lance having coffee, the froth of it sticking to his upper lip like a moustache, one eyebrow arching as he recognises what happened. There’s sunlight hitting his eyes, making them impossibly lighter, his skin molten and expression incredulously adorable.

Lance, with his fingers hidden in his sweater and covering half his face, nose red from the cold, looking to the camera, to Keith with a frown, eyebrows furrowing yet eyes full of emotion.

Lance with his damn grin, showing off white teeth and crinkles by his eyes, glasses resting on his head and pushing tuffs of hair back and away from his face, and then another immediately after, the softest of expressions on his face, his smile small and gentle, an emotion in them Keith can’t pinpoint.

This isn’t love.He can’t let it be love.

Lance is Keith’s friend, has been for years now, and Keith would be lying if he said he didn’t dream of the day he could stand across Lance and tell him what he feels, what the butterflies in his stomach do to him, how his heart threatens to burst each time Lance smiles his way.

But he also knows that whatever it is he has with Lance is fragile, not malleable in the least bit.

He knows Lance, knows how he flirts, how he leans close and winks towards people he finds attractive, with that sly smirk and raising eyebrows, body languid in what he’s conveying.

He knows Lance would never choose him.

With a sigh, he puts his phone down, exiting the photos app, looking to the door of the half-empty coffee shop as the bell chimes over it clink, three figures he’s come to recognise in a crowd slowly entering and coming his way.

Keith nods and smiles, digging his nails in his palms when Lance takes notice of him and his lips turn upwards, a laugh and hello already on his tongue.

Keith can’t lose this.He can’t lose Lance.

Even if the feelings eat him up on the inside.

*****It’s the middle of exam season, the library becoming Keith and Lance’s second home, Pidge and Hunk content to visit every so often and bring the two coffees and snacks, since their exam period is different from theirs; they’re in engineering and Lance and Keith are in medical sciences.

They’ve been at it since morning, gobbling up book after book, information entering and exiting their brains at impossible rates.

It’s around midnight when Lance groans across of him, stretching in his seat before slumping down, his chin hiding into the fabric of his hoodie.

“I’m tired” he exclaimed with a huff, slipping lower and lower into his seat.

“Drink some coffee?” Keith offered, nudging his still warm plastic cup to Lance who accepts is with a pout, bringing it to his lips before coughing and pushing it back to Keith in disgust.

“It’s sweet! It’s so sweet oh my god I feel my pancreas dying-“

Even through his antics Keith laughs, relishing in the way Lance exaggerates and frowns, going as far as to stick his tongue out, looking to the offending coffee with a menace.

“It’s not even that bad” Keith shrugged.“It is the living embodiment of bad” Lance retorted, “how do you even drink this?! It’s so sweet!”

Keith couldn’t prepare for what he’d say next.It was probably because of the fatigue, because of the blurriness in his vision, because of the stars he saw in Lance’s eyes when he turned to face him, big baby blues looking to him, hair tousled and lips pursed.

“You’re sweet.”

Neither of them spoke for a minute, simply looking to one another with wide eyes, Keith realising what he said a little too late.

Lance blinked once, twice, mouth flapping open and close before he looked away, his sleeve-covered knuckles reaching up to hide his face.

“Sweet-I’m-don’t tease me like that” he mumbled.

Keith was about to apologise, before Lance continued, catching him off guard.

“If anything, you’re sweet” he whispered, so quiet it’d be otherwise lost in sound if not for the quietness of the library.

Keith said nothing, choosing instead to gulp and look back to his books, photos of bone and muscle swirling and blending.   , unable to delete the image of Lance’s flustered mind from his memory.

He wished he could have snapped a photo of that expression.He just prayed his mind would never remove it from memory.

*****The instances where Keith’s tongue slipped increased, and so did the times Lance would stare and blush, hiding into the comfort of his sleeves and shaking his head as Keith pondered why he’d just said whatever it is he’d just said.

He wasn’t sure why, but there was something about the way Lance shied away that made his chest grow tight, heartbeat increasing.

Lance was never one to shy away from attention.He relished in the way people called him handsome or smooth, he’d smirk when girls giggled at his jokes, wink to boys who flirted back.

Why would he shy away from a mere comment of Keith’s?

The thoughts ate Keith up inside, to the point where he’d stay up at night, sitting on his windowsill with a dying cigarette, looking to the sky for answers, but to no avail.

He wouldn’t get his answer until a month later, on a lazy night at his apartment when Pidge was out with Matt and Allura.

He was content with staying in for the night, maybe get some work done and play some of the video games Shiro brought with him on his last visit.

It was nearing midnight when his phone buzzed, getting two messages at once.

(1) Pidgetron: “ay keef, im stayin @ alluras tonight. dont burn the house down k”

He sighed and replied a quick ‘OK’, heading to the text under hers.

(1)Lancey Lance: “hey can are u at home?”

That made him sit up from the couch he was laying on, looking intensely to his phone.

“Yeah, what’s up?” He replied hastily, holding his phone in his hand while he walked around the apartment, waiting for a reply.

His phone buzzed soon enough, a few consecutive messages in a row.

(4)Lancey Lance: “can i come over?”(3)Lancey Lance: “its late but i just..”(2)Lancey Lance: “no never mind, its fine”(1)Lancey Lance: “goodnight :)”

Keith clicked his tongue and wasted no time punching in Lance’s number and calling, waiting a few rings until Lance picked up.

“Hey, my favourite Mulletman-“ Lance started, and the hoarseness of his voice, strained with the faked high-pitch happiness made Keith’s stomach churn.

“You can come over, or I’ll come by. What’s better for you?”

He heard Lance’s breath hitch, before returning to the same tone as before.

“It’s about the texts isn’t it-look it’s no big deal, I’m sorry I worried you-“

“Lance, don’t. I know you. You don’t-you don’t have to do this.” He breathed into the phone, moving to the door and already grabbing his coat and motorcycle keys, “I’ll be at your place in 20 minutes. Is Hunk there?”

Lance gulped.“No. He’s at that hiking club weekend camp.”

Keith hummed in response, locking the door and heading down the hallway.“I’ll be there soon.”

Lance said nothing, and that in itself worried Keith.

“See you soon Lance” he said before moving the phone away from his ear.

“…Thanks” he heard Lance say before disconnecting the call.

*****

True to his word, he was there within 15 minutes, standing outside Lance and Hunk’s apartment, waiting for Lance to get to the door.

Lance opened it, and the view of him was something Keith wished he’d never have to see again.

Lance’s eyes were red and puffy, his smile strained and bleary, looking scrawnier than Keith remembered him in his oversized shirt and sweatpants, gait slow and tired.

Keith walked in, and a few minutes later found them on the balcony, looking down to the busy city through the bed of flowers and succulents Hunk and Lance planted on the sill, an ashtray balancing between them.

The times Keith saw Lance smoke were rare. There was the odd time during finals, when the stress got too much and the bitter taste was a welcome distraction. There’s a photo somewhere in Keith’s phone of the sight, Lance’s eyes half-lidded and lips pursed as he blows out smoke, thick lashes posing shadows on his cheekbones.

This time was different.Lance was slow and deliberately quiet, illuminated only by the city lights and occasional red and blue of a passing police car, face taunt and back slumped, elbows resting on the metal bars not covered yet by leaves.

Keith couldn’t take it, being so close but unable to do something, to bring the smile he loved back.

“You know” he started, his breath coming out as misty smoke in the cold air, “we don’t have to talk about it. Not if you don’t want to. But you-you should know that I’ll be here if you need anything okay? I can stay over until Hunk comes back, or I can call Pidge or Allura for you-“

He didn’t get to finish his sentence before he got an armful full of Lance, his hands opening in instinct before coming to rest on Lance’s shaking back, Lance’s head on his chest.

It was short, just enough to feel the warmth of the taller boy before Lance hurriedly pulled back, shaking his head.

“You’re-you’re really too damn good. I don’t deserve you.”

The words made Keith shiver, the way Lance whispered them, the air too tense, the city noise and bustle quieting down for this moment between them.

Lance’s breaths were ragged and shaky as he continued.

“I don’t deserve to love you.”

Keith stared as Lance huffed a laugh while pushing the butt of his cigarette to the ashtray, eyes purposely looking away from him.His smile tugged down, turning into a frown, into gritted teeth as his nose scrunched up and his jaw clenched, tears coloured by street lamps pooling on the sides of his eyes.

Lance rubbed furiously at his face with the back of his sleeve, the sounds of quiet sobs each like a kick to Keith’s chest.

“I-I think I’m in love with you and that scares me half to death” Lance whispered between cries, curling into himself.

Keith took a step closer, unable to form words, unable to comprehend what he’d just heard.

“It’s been like this for so long and-and I didn’t mean to, I don’t want to ruin this and I know I shouldn’t, and it won’t lead anywhere, but it hurts it hurts so much to keep it a secret for so long and it’s been-“

“Lance-“

“I know you’re the literal perfection and I’m just me and there’s a million reasons you shouldn’t like me back I know that and it’s dumb but-“

“Lance I-“

“I’ve got a messed up head and I cry too much and speak too loud and I’m too insecure and obnoxious and-“

“LANCE!”

His voice cut through their previous whispered conversation, through the barricade Lance had made with his hands in front of his face, his back on the wall and blinking eyes staring to Keith.

Keith took two steps and bridged the distance between them, his hands meeting Lance’s wrists and gently tugging them down, never breaking eye contact.

“I’m gonna kiss you now. Is that okay?”

Lance’s tears stopped, his lips trembling.

“Is that okay?” Keith repeated, waiting stubbornly for an answer.

Lance’s expression was one of frozen shock but he nodded, and that was all the invitation Keith needed before tilting his head up and kissing him, slow and careful, contrasting the way he still held Lance’s wrists in both hands, pinning him against the wall before releasing his hands in favour of cupping his face, rubbing the remainder of his tears with his thumbs.

“I love you. God dammit I’m in love with you, been in love with you for so long” he said between kisses, Lance’s breaths now matching his, “and you tell me we’ve been in love with each other all this time? That we were both too scared to admit it?”

Keith breathed a laugh, his own tears welling up, only different, happier, like anguish being released from his heart.

“Ridiculous. You stand there, trying to tell me you’re not the literal sun in a human form, listing off things I love about you like they’re flaws-“ he rolled his eyes and kissed Lance again until they were both gasping for air, looking to one another, Lance’s eyes still wide and lips parted, Keith’s stare stern and leaving no room for Lance to question his feelings.

“You don’t-when? Since when?”

“I don’t know. I think it’s since the first time we met. It just took a while to realise it.”

“We-we love each other?”

“Yeah, we do” Keith laughed, knocking his forehead onto Lance’s.

“You don’t think I’m not worth it?”

Keith moved back, looking to Lance, Lance with his face flushed despite the winter cold, lips plump and tear lines dried and etched onto his cheeks, palms on the wall to support his shaking legs.

“You’re absolutely worth it. And I’ll be here with you, for you until you realise it. And after that” Keith breathed, his words sincere and  voice shaking, “As long as you want me.”

“You’ll get tired.” Lance retorted.

“Never.”

“I cry a lot.”

“I know.”

“No like, a lot. And I complain. Constantly. And take too long to get ready.”

Keith snorted.“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“And you love me?”

He smiled.“I love you,” he said, “I was scared, I was so damn scared thinking you’d never love me back, trying to convince myself I was fine with us just being friends but-but I can’t. I love you.”

Lance was the one to take a step forward this time, moving from the wall and onto Keith, wrapping him in a bruising hug.

“You smell like smoke.”

They both laughed, the sounds of cityscape returning.

“And you taste like it, but you don’t see me complaining now do you?” Keith smirked, the sarcasm in his tone a trait Lance had managed to rub off onto him.

The laugh that followed is something he could only wish he’d be able to capture on film.

For now he was content to let it ring in his ears for as long as he could let it.

****

A few hours later found them huddled in Lance’s bed, content to look to one another, whispering quiet reassurances and sleepy ‘I love you’s.

Lance went to wrap an arm around Keith’s waist, wincing and sitting back up when his hands made contact with the hem of Keith’s high waisted jeans.

“You-you’re wearing pants!” Lance shrieked.

“Yeah..?” Keith’s cheeks felt like they were on fire. What-what was Lance saying?!

“You are wearing skinny jeans, in bed.” Lance stated, “What the hell Keith?”

Lance moved, leaning out of his bed and reaching for his drawers.“No skinny jeans allowed in bed. Nuh-uh. Here” he grabbed a pair of sweatpants, throwing them to Keith’s chest, “put on something comfortable!”

Keith raised an eyebrow.“Why? They’re pretty comfy, and I don’t have to get up and change in the morning”

The look Lance gave him could only be described as heinous.

“Change, now, or risk spending the night without cuddles.”

Keith didn’t need to be told twice.

****A pair of sweatpants and folded jeans later, Lance was laying in bed, scrolling through his phone, his small giggles and sleepy eyes brighter with the screen’s light, tuffs of hair pushed away from his eyes.

He turned to Keith with a grin when he sat back down on the bed, Lance wasting no time in tugging Keith back down and besides him, phone still in hand.

“A selfie!” He huffed, opening his camera app and turning it to the front-facing lens, “we need a selfie! This is an important event.”

Keith smiled but shook his head.“I look like death.”

“You look handsome as always. I look like death, and I want a selfie”

 Lance pouted, making it impossible for Keith to not kiss the pout off his lips.

He pulled away when he heard the click of a camera.

“Ha!” Lance grinned victoriously, then turned to face the screen as he took one more photo, just in time for Keith to look to the phone with a bemused gaze.

Lance tugged the phone closer to his chest, clicking through the two photos and showing them to Keith.

They were a bit blurry, both of them looking worse for wear, Keith’s cheeks puffed and Lance’s smirk devilish, a glint in his eyes that spelled trouble in the second pic, his eyes blown wide and face half hidden in the first one, Keith’s face turned to the side and lips meeting Lance’s.

“I’m using that as a screensaver” Lance stated.

Keith sleepily hummed, throwing a hand over Lance’s chest.

He made a mental note to tell Lance to send him those photos tomorrow.

After all, they’d have a millions tomorrows to share together from now on.

****

hit that reblog button if u too have slept in ur clothes just to have those five more minutes the next morning :’3

-Support me on Ko-Fi-

[helenpowers]

Drag the Boundaries

           “It’s just makeup, it’s not going to bite you.”

           “Are you sure mom won’t recognize me?”

           “If I do my job right, then yes; and I always do my job right.”

           “Okay, because she will be there tonight, you know.”

           “Yes, I know.”

           August takes a deep breath and let out the air with a whoosh. He is staring at his reflection in the mirror. Baron has spread out a collection of makeup on the dresser and he is going through different hues of foundation, trying to find one in his collection that will match August’s tone.

           Settling on a bottle, he squirts the thick liquid onto the back of his hand and grabs a sponge to start blending it into August’s skin. “You can change your mind at any time,” Baron reminds him, “you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

           “No, I want to.” August’s response is rushed. This is what he’d wanted since the first time he saw Baron perform. He isn’t going to back out now when he’s so close.

           In the mirror he can see the reflection of Baron’s bed. The covers are neatly made, but the bed itself is a mess. Wigs and clothes and makeup are spread across it haphazardly, covering its surface so thoroughly that the blankets can’t even be seen.

           “Stop thumping your leg,” Baron says, pushing August’s leg down gently. He hadn’t even realized that he’d been doing it. “If you’re going to be like this, I’m going to turn you away from the mirror.”

           “Maybe that would be a good idea,” August spins his chair around. A part of him is excited to see what he will look like, but he also doesn’t want to see the transformation happen.

           “Okay, close your eyes.”

           August follows his instructions and the world goes black. He loses sense of time. He can’t tell if it’s been minutes or hours when Baron finally lets him open his eyes again.

           “One of the cool things about wigs,” Baron says as he flips through the pile of hair covering his bed, “you get to pick your hair colour, and if you don’t like it then you take it off and try a new one.”

           “I’ve always wanted to be a red head,” August mutters.

           “Red it is.”

           Baron spends time lining up the wig properly and gluing down the lace-front.

“Do you want to pick out your clothes, or shall I?”

“I don’t know; I just want people to believe it.”

“So me, then.” Baron cracks a grin and pulls out a corset. “This is going to be your new best friend.”

By the time Baron finishes, August can barely breathe. The corset is tied so tightly that his ribs creak when he inhales. It doesn’t feel healthy, but he doesn’t care. He finally gets to see the end result. He turns around to face the mirror again.

“Holy shit. I’m hot.”

“Damn straight, you are. Did you expect anything less?”

“I actually look like a woman.”

“Give me half an hour to get ready myself. Then we can head out to the bar,” Baron says, waving around a makeup brush.  It took hours to get August into full drag, so he doubts that Baron can get himself done in such a short amount of time, but half an hour passes and both of the boys are ready.

They walk to the bar down the street together and it’s the first instance of August feeling uncomfortable. Everyone is staring at him, or at least that is what it feels like. Baron just keeps walking, his needle-point heels clacking against the sidewalk with each step that he takes. He is the picture of confidence with his hips swaying from side to side, winking and pursing his lips at every man or woman who happens to make eye contact with him. He is in his element.

“Do you usually walk to the bar in full drag?” August asks,

“No. Usually I get ready there.”

“Then why didn’t we do that?” Baron can see that August isn’t feeling super comfortable. He gives him a light pat on the shoulder.

“Don’t worry. Tonight is just about us having a good time.”

The bar is dark. It’s late and the patrons are already several drinks deep into their evenings. The tables have all been set up around a long stage that goes through the center of the room. The only lights in the whole place are facing the stage, lighting it up in an array of fluorescent colours. A Carrie Underwood song is blasting while a drag queen lip-syncs on stage.

“Okay, I have to go backstage. My set starts soon. Stay out here, get a feel for it. I set up your slot to be after mine.” Baron relays all of this information quickly before running through a door next to the bar. August sits on one of the bar stools and orders a drink to calm his nerves.

Carrie Underwood stops playing and the queen makes her way through the audience, collecting tips from between the fingers of young women having bachelorette parties and men who have gotten too drunk to care about implications.

The lights spin and collect over the center of the stage as a voice comes over the loudspeaker.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we now welcome to the stage a crowd favorite. A long-time performer; The Baroness!”

The audience goes wild as Baron takes the stage and August claps loudly along with them. A set comprised of numbers from Broadway musicals starts up and Baron is immediately in character.

This. This is what August has been waiting for. This is what inspired him in the first place. Baron is so good at his job. He and the audience both have a fantastic time while he’s on stage. Hell, he’s managed to pay his rent off of the tips he makes at this place before. There are people in the audience who go to their university, some of them share classes with the two boys, but they cheer just as loud as the others.

The stool to August’s left spins as someone sits in it. He glances out of the corner of his eye and finds his mother sitting next to him, calling for the bartender’s attention. She’s all done up for her friend’s bachelorette party, her hair down and curled, her makeup done, and a form fitting dress. She could give runway models a run for their money when she looks like this, she’s so beautiful.

His mom turns towards him, and he quickly swivels on the stool so that he is facing away from her. He doesn’t want to risk her recognizing him, not yet. He wants to at least get on stage before that happens. August hears a shuffling sound and then the distinct click-clack of heels walking away. When he turns back, she is gone.

Baron’s set is getting close to ending so August heads towards the door that he had gone through earlier. It brings him to a small backstage section with a couple of chairs, mirrors, and bars to hang clothing up. Several of the drag queens who perform regularly at the bar are there, peeling off eyelashes and kicking off their too-tall heels. Several of them turn to look at August when he walks through the door.

“You must be the friend of The Baroness?” One of them asks as they stand to shake August’s hand. He is still in full drag, glitter raining down from him as he moves. “She did an amazing job. You look flawless.”

“Thank you.” August is taken aback by how friendly everyone is. All of them stand to shake his hand and welcome him backstage. They offer him a seat and bring him bottles of water, saying that he’ll want to hydrate before he goes on stage. The vibe in there is different than it was in the audience. These people are all friends and they respect what each of them does on the stage. They’re a little family. Baron had tried to explain that to August once, but he hadn’t understood it at the time.

The stage door opens and Baron comes in, sweat dripping off of him. One of the other queens throws him an icy bottle of water, which Baron uncaps and chugs down in moments. He works hard on that stage.

“It’s your turn,” Baron says when he finishes his bottle. “I’ve already given your mix to the DJ, and the announcer knows your stage name. You’re all set.”

Not for the first time that night, August gets nervous. His knees are shaking as he walks in his heels towards the door. He places a hand on the handle and listens for his cue.

“Now coming to the stage, we have a newcomer! It’s her first time performing, not just on this stage, but in general, so everyone treat her well tonight. Put your hands together and welcome Sister Augustine!”

Before he can second guess himself, he puts pressure onto the handle and the door swings open. He walks into the pool of light that is waiting for him on stage and he takes a moment to look around. There are people that he knows in the audience and he can see their faces. He can see the look of surprise on them.

He can see his mother’s face drop, her mouth hanging open in horrified surprise. He tries not to let it bother him as the music starts. The first song of his set comes on, an upbeat pop number that gets some of the crowd clapping along, but before he can truly get started, he is interrupted.

“August, what the hell do you think you are doing?” His mother shouts over the music. She has made her way to the front of the stage and is standing almost directly in front of him.  He ignores her and continues to perform the song, although he can’t pull up as much excitement as he had before. He’s nervous about what is going to happen.

“You listen to me, young man! Get down from there right now!” Everyone in the bar is staring at her instead of watching the show. Slowly August stops dancing, his lip-sync becomes less enthusiastic.

This is exactly what he had been worried about earlier, when Baron was doing his makeup. He knew that his mom wouldn’t take kindly to it.

Feeling tears welling up in his eyes, he backs himself off the stage. The music is cut off and the MC waits for instructions. August storms through the back stage area, past all of the other drag queens, past Baron. He doesn’t even look at them, he’s too concentrated on what is happening out in the audience. He walks through the door that leads back to the bar and he finds his mother waiting there for him, arms crossed over her chest, eyebrows furrowed.

“Well? Are you gay, then?” She asks.

“What?” August didn’t expect that to be the first question that she asks.

“This is all because of that Baron boy, isn’t it? I saw him on stage too. Did he do this to you? Turn you into this?”

The tears that have been threatening to overflow since his mother interrupted stop just as quickly as they came on. All he can feel is the complete and utter shock that has smacked him across the face.

“Baron did nothing except help me get ready. I came to this decision on my own. I just thought that it looked like fun and I wanted to try it out.”

“Are you sure you didn’t catch anything from him?”

“Homosexuality isn’t something you can catch, mom! It’s something that you’re born with.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“And I don’t believe how callous you’re acting!” His face is red with anger, all of it centered around his need to defend his friend. Baron, who has done absolutely nothing wrong, doesn’t deserve this. He never knew that his mother felt this way towards him, that she harbored such terrible, homophobic feelings towards him. She’s done well with hiding it until now.

“I think you need to come home, right now,” she says, pointing her finger towards the floor to emphasize her statement.

“And I think you need to leave,” August replies, his voice quiet. His mother looks at him in shock, unable to believe what she is hearing.

“If you get back up on that stage, you don’t have a home to come back to,” she threatens, the words coming from between clenched teeth.

“That’s fine,” he says with a shrug of his shoulders, “I’ll find somewhere else to stay,” he sounds so calm compared to his mother, but he’s just given up. He can see that he isn’t going to be able to convince his mother of anything. She’s always been hard headed, stubborn. August takes more after his father that way, more flexible, more understanding. More willing to accept that they may not be right, but he knows that he is this time.

Leaving his mother with her mouth hanging open, August walks backstage. The entire crew of drag queens is still there, all of them pale and upset looking. August makes eye contact with Baron and can see that he’s been crying. There is silence while August walks up to him, uncertainty so tangible that it could be cut with a butter knife.

“Can I stay with you for a few days?” August asks.

“Of course, you can stay as long as you would like,” Baron responds without missing a beat. “What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“She kicked you out, didn’t she?” His voice wavers and there are more tears welling up in his eyes.

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry,” Barons wails, covering his face with his hands and sobbing. He’s going to ruin his makeup that he worked so hard on.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about. This isn’t your fault.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No, of course not. It’s hers for not being able to understand. And for being so closed minded. Nothing you or I can do can possibly change that.”

“Still…” Baron trails off and August can tell that he’s still beating himself up about it.

“How long to I have left of my slot?” August asks, changing the subject.

Baron looks at him in confusion, checks the clock above the stage door. “About ten minutes, why?”

“Good. I still have some time to make some tip money. I need to be able to pay some of the rent at least.” He winks and walks out the door. His mother is no longer in the crowd, but the people who are left cheer for him.

The lights go down, the MC starts up the music again, and August performs.

[ashantenicolestyle]

Anastasia Beverly Hills x Jackie Aina Palette

2019 has been year of the palette, which can be overwhelming for many of us. I got to a point where I decided to stop purchasing palettes because it was becoming way too much for my mind and budget. This all changed the day my Youtube fave announced that she would be collaborating with Anastasia Beverly Hills.

The Jackie Aina Palette ($45) launched on August 6th, and set the internet ablaze immediately. For many of us it was the palette we’ve been waiting for, specifically because Jackie took the time to make sure the shades would actually show up on deeper skin tones. With it’s rich mattes, and striking shimmers, you never have to worry about any of the shades being too ashy or too light to see on any skin tone.

The Palette

The palette features 14 pans in a primarily warm color scheme. The shades are described as the following:

Soleil (Metallic soft peach with a gold shift)

Supreme (Matte rosy pink pressed pigment)*

Pinker (Matte mid-tone cool plum pressed pigment)*

Big Wig (Matte rich purple pressed pigment)*

Dwollahs (Metallic golden olive)

Credit (Deep matte plum brown)

Lituation (Metallic deep taupe with a violet shift)

Zamn (Sparkling rose gold)

Wiggalese (Metallic cranberry red)

Shookington (Metallic violet with a blue shift)

Trust Issues (Sparkling white gold)

Edges (Matte deep peach)

Sponsored (Metallic chocolate with a teal shift)

Ginger (Matte caramel brown)

The first thing that struck me about the shades is that they are much deeper swatched than they appear in the pan. This is because they are loosely pressed, so they are closer to pigments on the skin. This also means there’s a lot of kickback so if you’re heavy handed, you need to ease your grip when dipping into the pans.

Application

I’m subconsciously always attracted to purple shadows, and since I have an all purple palette I’ll be reviewing soon, I wanted to stick with the neutral/green side of the palette to create my first look. This was also my first time using an ABH eyeshadow palette so I wanted to get a feel for the formulas with the softer shades, before the heavily pigmented bright shadows.

I used edges, ginger, and credit mattes with sponsored on my lid for a diffused soft glam eye. I also used dwollahs in my inner corner and under my brow bone as a highlight.

The shadows were so easy to blend out. I had zero issues with skipping, patchiness, or the shades muddying up. I was able to see each of the matte shadow’s true color, even when layered on top of each other.

My only suggestion for anyone that wants the teal-green to pick up more in sponsored is that you should either place that shadow down first, or use a green shadow base. I applied it after the mattes, so the chocolate in the duo chrome formula showed up more on my lid. It wasn’t what I was going for, but it was still very pretty.

Final Thoughts

I’m sure you can already tell that I love this palette. Although it was released in early August, it is definitely a Fall/Winter and holiday palette. Come Christmas time, I will be dipping into reds and golds quite often for my holiday parties and dinners.

I’d highly suggest adding it to your winter glam routine. Luckily, it is still available on the Anastasia Beverly Hills Website, in Sephora Stores and Online, Ulta Beauty Online, and Beautylish Online. Whichever retailer you prefer doesn’t matter. Just make sure you get 1 or 3, because I guarantee you will love having it in your routine and you won’t want to go a day without it!