#I was so sure of path in stem and now I'm so conflicted

[halfbakedmuon]

How do people do this career thing. I'm gonna cry

[muzzlemouths]

Use this ask to talk about any ideas you have, either an AU or a personal proyect :D

ARE YOU SURE? ARE YOU SURE????

Let me introduce you to a little concept called Red Giant au…

I'm choosing to talk about this AU because it'll never actually see the light of day. Mostly because I already have a whole list of other AUs I really need to be tending to before introducing another, but also because this specific AU is…well, it's mean.

If you've been following me for a while (or have read even one of my stories) you should know by now that I'm a sucker for plots that center around Sun and Moon's (irrevocably bonded) relationship. No matter the hardship at hand they always somehow find their way back to each other and sweep their differences under the rug for another day, because at the end of that day, all they really have is each other. It's a hopeful narrative. A patient and kind-hearted story.

This is not that kind of story.

Red Giant AU is the culmination of brainworms that stemmed from one single thought.... What if they didn't become Eclipse in Ruin?

What if, against all odds, this hardship was the one to break the camel's back. All those years, forced out of their element and shoved into another, the conflicts it brings about, the new stage they're presented with which take their arguments off-script, the back-and-forth of who is right and who is wrong, the crumbs swept under that rug stack higher and higher, and eventually, someone is going to trip.

Sun has a right to be tired, doesn't he? Even the hero deserves a break from the villain, a chance to breathe, to know for certain that he's in the right without having to constantly fight for it. Wouldn't you get tired of cleaning up someone else's mess? Every day? For years? Wouldn't you miss how things were before everything changed? Wouldn't you be looking for something — someone to blame?

And maybe Ruin is his final plea. Maybe it's the last olive branch that he extends in a desperate attempt to convince Moon that this, too, can be salvaged. But Moon is (rightfully) bitter, and he intends to show Sun a taste of his own medicine. Locked away without any say in the matter. No more Sun, no light, only night.

This does nothing but stir up the dust beneath that rug. It rips the band-aid off and reopens old wounds until both parties are speaking with tongues that cut even deeper. It isn't too late, of course. This relationship can still be saved, Sun thinks, if they're whole again. If someone, anyone, would come along and reset them so they could start over and have a fresh start —

But what if nobody ever comes? The plex has been closed for some time now, after all, and they have no reason to believe anyone will be stepping foot in this dilapidated building ever again. His hope surrounding this idea dwindles by the day until finally, at last, something snaps.

Someone tosses a rock through the daycare window, maybe. Debris shifts at just the right angle. A stream of light pierces the darkness, and he takes the opportunity for what it's worth, fighting, fighting, fighting until uneven feet stumble into its warm embrace and he finds enough control there to make a decision that is tangible.

The daycare will remain trapped in night indefinitely, that is true and fact and certain, but the outside? Oh, the outside is bright and full of opportunity. He's carving a path up to that window without giving himself the time to think about it. Hesitation is what got him into this mess, now there is only commitment, and that decision means tuning out Moon's every shriek and shrill, even as he reaches the sill, even as wires are further ripped from their core as he shoves himself through remaining glass.

Do you know what a red giant is? It's a phase that occurs after a sudden, drastic change. Specifically, when the sun begins to die.

This puts something of a deadline on their body. They become a walking timebomb of gears and frayed wires, out in the open world for the very first time, and things are made all the more difficult in that Sun's mental state has frayed beyond repair. Now it's his turn to cause a mess. It's his turn to play the villain. Whatever it takes to carve a new life for them out of the debris they left behind, even if it means doing so with his bare hands.

Even if it means shutting out Moon completely.

After all, why waste any further time arguing when he's finally learned how to put a wall between them? Things will go much smoother now that he's figured out where that handy little mute button is.

But eventually the day must end and the night arrives, and with it, Moon is given a few spare hours to stretch his legs and, eventually, teach himself to do the one thing that Sun has been managing alone all these years...how to put the pieces back together.

drops some art into your hands

side notes:

Sun becomes 'redder' the further he snaps and the longer he shuts Moon out. It's already spread to his chest by the time Moon finds and recruits some help.

Both of their faces are fucked Ruin style, but — either due to the red giant "virus" or his own denial — he's unable to see it in his own face. Looking into a mirror only draws forth an error screen.

While obviously built off of the Ruin DLC and some What Ifs, I have to admit the AU is also heavily influenced by the song You're Not Welcome

Despite not having any (current) plans to write this AU I'd still love to talk about it! If you have any questions my askbox is OPEN 👋

[hoursofreading]

I respect your blog sm and would love to hear your thoughts on this. I'm pursuing a career in academic stem research (previous struggled with an illness in my teens so I'm slightly lagging behind in "career time frame") sometimes I feel conflicted on making a choice between having children in my late twenties vs. pursuing a career. I'm not sure I even *want* children, its more like a weird fomo that people tell me I'll regret when I'm older. honestly I'm sort of a loner and not even sure I'd want a family. but I'm also torn on being a woman with nothing but a career that progressively gets lonelier as time goes on. I was wondering if you've considered the same predicament?

some disjointed thoughts:

a combination of cultural issues, personal histories and reading anne helen peterson and anne-marie slaughter have definitely caused me to yeet relationships, marriage and having children out the window. and this is 100% my final choice. only wish i can get my tubes tied just to signify this physically

we, unfortunately, live in a pronatalist world where the unspoken assumption is that everyone should want kids and babies and they are the best ever and if you ever voice anything to the contrary, you are a horrible, horrible person

fomo is the absolutely worst reason to ever do anything, esp. having children/starting a family. if you haven't already, it might be easier to test-run this hypothesis by babysitting some children for a week or more, helping a new mom (if that's possible), or volunteering at a preschool etc

"There are those who don’t want to be parents but end up loving the experience, and those who want children but never find themselves having them and love that experience as well. It’s wonderful when that happens, but chance is not the path to a fulfilled life. Making a conscious decision only after knowing what you want and why you want it is what real freedom is all about"

your last sentence in your question definitely struck a chord with me. "being a [person] with nothing but a career" is something I'm deeply afraid of. i think the best way is to engage in meaning making activities and fostering and finding new areas of growth. you are not just your job, you can be something else as well. and that's what i'm trying to do now. cultivating new hobbies when i'm very much an loner.

[the-official-account]

Massive spoilers but I felt like when Gwen's dad was a split second from freaking out and shooting her, they weren't trying to say positive things about cops. Just because Gwen (a deeply flawed character who in this scene is trying to reconcile with the father she was so terrified of she spent months in other dimension) says something about him being a good cop (in the same scene where they do reconcile after he quits the force) doesn't mean the script is written in support of cops. And when Mr.Morales expresses his regret early in the movie that he feels like people are going to hate him whether he does his job the right way or the wrong way, it doesn't mean that this is in support of cops.

All of these characters are going through various internal conflicts with the presence of cops in their lives, and the plot centers around whether or not these characters stay cops, and die because of it, or whether they chose to break the cycle of violence on both the receiving and perpetuating side. 42!miles falling into violent crime is on the other side of this, independent instead of institutional violence, and everyone is dealing with various ways this violence can manifest. Miguel is another.

This conflict isn't resolved. In my opinion, spiderverse has set up to say a lot on themes of institutional violence, cops, vigilantism, cycles of trauma, and our expectations of other people to sit tight and passively endure the harm they face (especially if we have already faced it) None of these things have yet been resolved, because they're all deeply tied to the central plot.

Calling the movie copaganda feels like ignoring a lot of the context wherein these topics are addressed. It's good to be skeptical, and good to be wary, good to make sure we are recognizing when copaganda does exist and pointing it out to eachother. But I have to sincerely disagree they a character saying "you're a good cop" is alone enough to make the movie copaganda, there is so much more going on. And many of the staples of copaganda, platforming cops as they express their disgust or disappointment in protests, tending to associate brown people alone or especially in particular ethnic groupings with needless violence, encouraging us to view cops as a primary social safety net (when so much of this movie is about their inability to help in what matters) etc. Aren't present in the spiderverse.

I'd argue the reverse of what you mentioned: In the real world, cops can be good fathers, have good families, make a fuck ton of lemon bars for the PTA. In the real world, cops have daughters who think they're "good cops". In the real world, there are no good cops even after being harmed by them (the DV stats) Spiderverse has done nothing but reflect that. And showing that cops (which are inherently bad) can otherwise be good people, is necessary to learn and acknowledge that we want to have more tools to fight copaganda in the future.

Miles dad, specifically, has both a history of crime & state sanctioned violence. He's trying to find a balance, where before, joining the force seemed like the only path to redemption available for him. It's important that we have a place in our politics, and the analysis stemming from it, for people who have previously fucked up. If we think "everyone who was ever a cop is inherently, forever evil and deserves X punishment regardless of future actions" we are actively motivating our political enemies to double down, because there's no other place for them to go. However, I find myself fascinated with the question what can or should these people do, after realizing they've been in the wrong? Obviously they aren't entitled to forgiveness, but there's a large span of living between forgiveness and death.

I hope spiderverse will continue approaching this question as it seems to be doing now. And I'm interested in this as an ongoing question. But yeah, copaganda is a strong word

i think the main thing that pisses me off about people refusing to acknowledge the copaganda in across the spiderverse is that they believe all the cops featured in the story are shining examples of how cops “should be.” i.e., family men who are supportive of their kids and want to make a difference in the world. like, genuine question: do you think the REAL cops who brutalize civilians at protests not have nuclear families at home, don’t go to parent teacher conferences, don’t love and support their teenage daughters, etc? or do you believe the requirement for becoming a cop means having a loveless lonely life akin to that of ebenezer scrooge

[elenajohansenreads]

Books I Read in 2023

#75 - The Bodyguard, by Katherine Center

Rating: 2/5 stars

It started off promising, but things fell apart once this switched from a bodyguard romance to a fake-dating romance, which is pretty early.

I understand that some of my disappointment stems from my expectations--when I think "bodyguard" romance, I think of yearning and accidental touches and small moments of intimacy, very slow-burn and fraught. Here, it's actually just a setup to put the female lead in the same room, so to speak, with a celebrity, so then there can be fake dating. And once it's about the fake dating, the bodyguard aspect is nonexistent. It's even part of the plot that Hannah can't do her job effectively in this situation and the backup team becomes the primary team. She's literally just there to be the fake girlfriend because they'd already lied to Jack's parents.

The rest of my disappointment comes from quite a few other things: first, inadequately developed characters who occasionally deliver excessively long monologues (like, unbelievably long) that were embarrassing to read. Seriously, Jack describing his nightmare? Painful and wildly out of character, as much as he even had a character at that point.  He didn't sound like himself, he sounded like the author making sure this Incredibly Obvious Meaningful Dream was something the reader Should Definitely Take Seriously.

Second, the cheating boyfriend/best friend/all the women in this are awful trifecta. The only female character that doesn't hate Hannah, apparently, is Jack's mom. All the other women are just the worst.

Third, the romance itself was weak. It started off promising, in its own way--I can see the charm of a hero who only laughs around the heroine, whether she's being intentionally funny or not. That's a valid path to intimacy. But it doesn't stay strong, and the plot pacing doesn't do it any favors by ending the fake dating before I felt like any real feelings had developed. Hannah summarizes her feelings in internal monologue, and since Jack's an actor and this is fake dating, we don't know his "real" feelings, that's the conflict of most of the second half of the book. It didn't feel deserved.

Fourth, what the heck was that climax? It was so unrealistic and stuffed with cheesy dialogue and I'm supposed to believe anyone was actually in danger in this fluffy bit of nonsense romance? Hannah being a bodyguard stopped being important about a third of the way through, and now it matters again? Structurally, I know we had to have the danger to Jack pay off or the premise falls apart, but this was ridiculous.

After all that, what did I even like about it? Yes, Jack finding Hannah unintentionally hilarious at every opportunity was fantastic, great dynamic even if nothing else about their relationship felt worthwhile. Jack's family drama was a good idea that just didn't mesh all that well with the rest of the story. Hannah standing up for herself to her scumbag ex. Not much else.

Thoroughly unimpressed.

[a-little-bit-of-ravioli]

Day 13 - Can't Make an Omelette Without Breaking a Few Legs

Character Focus: Warriors & Legend

Warnings: Graphic Injury

Ao3 Link

Another swathe of flames rushed past his face and licked at his cheeks.

Link - Warriors, he reminded himself, Warriors now - had never really collected many experiences in the art of dungeon crawling before.

So far, he wasn't impressed.

The wall he was currently pressed against was cold, uneven, and some of the spiked rocks protruding from it bore into his back. He’d already almost been impaled by multiple traps and monsters behind corners, lacking instincts to safely maneuver these sorts of cramped spaces. And instead of getting closer to the exit, he'd been stumbling deeper into this mess with every step.

He’d been separated from the rest of the group of heroes he’d only just recently joined forces with, after passing through a portal that had suspiciously looked like one of Cia’s. An older, scarred hero who had for now taken leadership of their gathering, the polar opposite in the body of a young and excitable teenager, and apparently the hero who’d forged the Master Sword, and carried it with him too.

And now he was here. Next to a door he’d casually swung open to inspect the room behind it, and immediately dove to the side of when a blast of fire had almost burned him to a crisp.

"Whatever you are, that was your last warning! I'm pissed, I have a fire rod, and I'm gonna fucking use it!"

Warriors blinked.

That was new. Monsters didn’t usually snark at him quite as elaborately.

“Hylian, the last I checked!” he yelled back. “And not really eager to get another burn scar, so could you stop?!”

He’d almost expected another burst of flames for good measure. His words seemed to have been taken better, though, and instead he stood there with his breath held, silence from both sides.

The voice was much less aggressive when it answered him again.

“Watch your step. Spike traps.”

Warriors couldn’t hold back a sigh of relief. The last thing he’d have needed was another conflict.

Careful to keep the warning in mind, he stemmed himself from the wall and turned. One look at the both charred and slightly glowing iron door told him better than to try and stem it open with his hand, so he gave one of its lower edges a small kick with his heel to get it fully open.

He spotted his assailant immediately. On the other end of a fairly cramped room, almost lounging on the ground with his back at the wall for support, sat a boy a few years his own junior, were he to guess. Red tunic, fancy boots with embroidery and flaring up into wings and one hand closed around a rod with a red crystal mounted on top Warriors immediately knew to be the culprit of the flames from earlier. A sheathed sword and polished shield were propped up against the wall next to him.

His trained eye immediately recognised the awkward position of one of the boy’s legs.

He took his first step over the threshold of the frame, and jumped back almost as fast. True to the warning, he’d barely had time to rescind his foot before a contraption covered in vicious steel spikes came racing towards him with a loud grinding noise, pathing that side of the room. He let it pass by one more time, counting the time it needed to return to its original place in his head, before makeshift timing his entry.

The large half-jump half-step with a slight tumble at the landing was awkward at best. A slight snicker from the other side told him it must have looked as ridiculous as he’d felt.

“Don’t seem like you’re used to this kinda stuff,” came the commentary he could’ve really done without.

His pride didn’t let him take that sort of accusation without a huff. “Rather move awkwardly than not at all. What happened to your leg?”

“Ran into that thing when I came in.” He nodded towards the entrance, and Warriors knew he meant the traps he’d just avoided himself. “Granted, probably looked even more like a moron than you. Hit me straight in the calf. Pretty sure it’s broken.” 

He took the information in as he walked up, furtive glances to his side to look out for more traps he may not have been warned about, but arrived at the boy’s side without much trouble. His eyes immediately got drawn to the injured leg and he crouched, wanting to assess the damage of someone his conscience already told him he couldn’t just leave behind.

On closer inspection, the boy didn't look nearly as alright as he very clearly wanted to pose as being.

The only light source fell on them from a couple of lanterns mounted on the walls, but even through the warm illumination the boy’s face was ashen at best. The wound itself, from what little time he’d inspected it for, was nasty and bloody, its edges jagged and uneven. Coupled with a clearly broken bone sitting just underneath, visible by a glance at the leg's position, like he'd been told.

Warriors clenched his back teeth, avoiding the grimace he'd otherwise have worn. This was bad enough he wasn't even certain a single red potion would do the trick. If he'd not passed through this place by chance…

"Well?" For someone who’d likely sat there with a wound this bad for quite a bit, Warriors could almost admire the calmness of the question. "How bad, you reckon?"

"Bad,” he stated straight away, having long trained the urge to play down injuries out of his system. "We need to get you out of here."

The boy snorted at him. "No shit."

Without much of a comment, Warriors reached into his pouch to rummage for his medical supplies. He only carried the necessities with him, but judging by the puddle of blood underneath the boy, making sure the rest of his blood stayed in his system was most likely a smart move.

"I'm curious," he said while he set down the bandages and fiddled with the flask of alcohol he’d also taken out, and only asked permission with a short look that was answered with a nod. "What was your plan? Would you have tried to crawl your way out had I not come along?"

A hiss of pain preceded the answer as he dabbed the surrounding skin with a damp cloth.

"Wasn't gonna be fun, but I've got some rations. Could've stuck it out a couple days."

One of Warriors eyebrows raised without permission, and he paused the act of dressing the wound to look up. "You really think someone would've come for you all the way down here?"

There was more confidence in the casual shrug that followed than he’d expected.

“You showed up, didn’t you?” the boy said, and waved off his own words before Warriors could dignify them with any response. "Let's just say I have it on good authority the Princess wouldn't like me kicking it. Since she sent me here, and all."

Warriors’ brain paused in the middle of another loop.

They were currently in a dungeon full of traps and monsters no regular person would ever wander into this deep, especially not a teenager. But a teenager with magical weapons, what he guessed was an adventuring pouch to hold said weapons, and a hat in a shape Warriors had only ever really seen on himself back during the war? That apparently knew the princess of this era, probably personally? That he, after meeting three other heroes only a few days ago, just happened to come across?

Oh, Farore, that made way too much sense.

"Name’s Link, by the way."

Warriors felt the corners of his mouth draw up, just a little bit. 

"Yeah, I had a feeling."

[n1kolaiz]

The Six Realms

Okay, so I was pretty close to giving up on writing analyses but I'm back LMFAO plus I see we're close to 100 followers and I just want to thank you guys for being so very supportive <3

Alright, I'm not sure if anyone's ever written about this, but if an analysis like this exists, please do let me know because I'm kind of curious as to what other people think about this, too!

Remember that time Fukuchi spoke about bringing "about the five signs of an angel's death"?

I read a little bit more about it, and as a minor content warning: this analysis will focus on a few religious aspects (Buddhism + Hinduism). So if I get any of the facts wrong, firstly: I do not mean any disrespect to either religion, and secondly: please do correct me if I interpret anything in the wrong way.

Spoilers for BSD chapter 90 onwards + BEAST!AU under the cut!

So I'll start by talking about the Decay of Angels. As we all know, the members include Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Nikolai Gogol, Sigma, and Bram Stoker, and their leader, Fukuchi Ochi. After Fyodor's arrest, the Decay of Angels came into light with Nikolai murdering four government officials in a week. These murders symbolise the Buddhist cycle of existence, or otherwise known as samsara: the cycle of life, death, and rebirth.

"We are the Decay of Angels—hiding here as terrorists, a 'murder association', five people who will announce the demise of the celestial world."

Nikolai Gogol, chapter 57

Samsara is described to be a concept beyond human understanding. According to Hinduism, samsara is the physical world where every being has its soul trapped into a physical vessel. The Hindus believe that everything has a soul, and due to a soul's attachment to desire, it is forced into a deathless cycle of being born, dying, and reincarnating into a different body. In Buddhism, the ultimate way to break free from this cycle is by obtaining nirvana.

Nirvana is a Sanskrit word for the goal of the Buddhist path: enlightenment or awakening. In Pali, the language of some of the earliest Buddhist texts, the word is nibbana; in both languages it means "extinction" (like a lamp or flame) or "cessation." It refers to the extinction of greed, ill will, and delusion in the mind, the three poisons that perpetuate suffering. Nirvana is what the Buddha achieved on the night of his enlightenment: he became completely free from the three poisons. Everything he taught for the rest of his life was aimed at helping others to arrive at that same freedom.

- TRICYCLE'S definition of nirvana

As Fukuchi mentions in the panel above, there are six different realms of existence. These realms represent every possible state of existence, but one cannot live in a specific realm forever. Depending on whether or not one's past actions were morally good or bad, an individual is born into one of these realms. Basically, the controlling factor of which realm a person is born into is dependent on their respective karma. The realms are separated into two categories: the hellish ones and the heavenly ones.

The Deva Realm: where beings are rewarded for the good deeds they have done. This realm is void of anything unpleasant. It is basically paradise— empty of unfulfilled desires, any form of suffering, and fears of every kind. Religious individuals, however, do not seek to be born into this realm since its attitude is more or less carefree.

The Asura Realm: where demigods are admitted. Asuras are driven by greed and envy, and may come in conflict with human beings since they are quite similar. They are powerful beings, but quarrel with each other quite a bit, making this realm quite undesirable to be reborn into.

The Animal Realm: where beings are given the form of an animal (you probably guessed that lol). Individuals here don't actually have good karma to take pride in, but rather, they are born into this realm to work off their bad karma (by being slaughtered, hunted, or forced to work, etc). Being born into this realm forces one to atone for their past sins by living out their life as an animal.

The Hell Realm: where one is punished for their evil actions. The most merciless of realms, where one pays for their transgressions through pure suffering, methods of which include: dismemberment, starvation, and psychological/physical torture. However, once a person's term is fulfilled in this realm, they are presumably promised to be reborn into a higher state.

The Preta Realm: similar to the hell realm, in which beings pay for their past sins (specifically: greed and stinginess) by having to survive through hunger and thirst. This realm is also known as the 'ghost realm,' because some pretas are psychologically tortured by being forced to live in places their past selves have lived in. They are invisible to human beings living at that time, which pushes them to face the depths of despair and loneliness. Your typical horror movie, really.

The Human Realm: the only realm where one's actions determine their future. The status (social ranking, physical wellbeing, and so on) of a human being in this realm is determined by their past actions, but due to the fact that a person has their own conscience to differentiate good morals from bad, the actions they commit in this realm have the power to determine which realm they are sent to next.

Okay, so now that I've got that out of the way, let's shift our focus to the Book. Very little is known about the Book, but the basic fundamentals of how it works is that whatever is written in the book will come into existence only if its contents follow the rules of karma. In addition to that, only a few sentences can be written into a single page of the Book, and it must follow the current narrative of the story.

If I'm not wrong, the first time the Book was mentioned was by Fitzgerald, who wanted it to resurrect his deceased daughter in hopes of restoring his wife's mental health. The next time the Book is brought up is when Fyodor's intentions to possess it are divulged; his goal was to decimate the global population of ability-users. And now, the current arc has the Book as its central focus, with a single page in Fukuchi's possession.

[ BEAST!AU spoilers ]

The Book acts as the central point of multiverses, with each character's lives differing from universe to universe.

Dazai committing suicide in this alternate universe stands in sharp contrast with how he decided to start up a new life in the main universe.

Oda staying alive to act as a mentor to Akutagawa in the ADA differs from how Oda uses his death to prompt Dazai to "be on the side that saves people."

And of course, the way Atsushi and Akutagawa have their positions switched in the two universes depicts how different their lives would be if they were given the chance to be mentored by different people— these are just a few examples of how the Book houses an endless amount of possibilities.

[ end of BEAST!AU spoilers ]

Hypothetically speaking, this kind of reminds me of the differing realms I mentioned before, where suffering is promised in some realms, and better things are granted in the rest, depending on one's karma, or the deeds they've done in their past lives. In this scenario, perhaps one's past life can be understood as one's current life in a different universe. That's just a personal opinion though. Take it as you will.

side note: Keep in mind that the person who is more or less impervious to the Book's effect is Dazai, with his nullification ability. I wouldn't want to propose any theories in this aspect (I don't believe I'm fully fact-checked ;_;), but I could use Dazai as a raw example of how your choices affect your future. If Dazai had decided to stay in the Port Mafia after Oda's death, or if he even decided to go through with his suicidal fixations, life would've been different for him in the root universe (obviously, ryley) I mean, you could basically understand that from how he ended up in the BEAST au, but imagine if he really did slip up in his decision-making in any of the universes.

Many analysts have proposed that he went MIA (early in his life) from the main universe for a while to figure out how the BEAST universe worked, whilst having the Book to his advantage. Perhaps his actions were guided? I'm not saying he's all-knowing, but he's sure as hell smart. I'm not sure if Kafka was trying to highlight the concept of karma when it comes to Dazai, but if he is, then I suppose you could say that Dazai is pretty much unaffected by the rules of karma, existing as the centerpiece of all the multiverses. No Longer Human is the namesake of his ability, but the book talks about disqualification from societal norms and generally, the world. I was talking about it with a friend, and they reminded me that Yozo (the main protagonist) was pretty strong in his views against society. Like he didn't speak out of total defeat, he spoke out of defense. If there was anything Dazai actually lost to, it was his guilt— "Living itself is a source of sin."

Then again, that's my personal interpretation since everyone has their unique perspective of his writings. In terms of the actual adaptation, you could translate the word 'disqualification' to 'insusceptibilty' when if it came to the Book's effects on Dazai? This side note is becoming really long lmao anyways I'll link a few theories which afflicted me with brainrot down below.

Another thing before I wrap up, the name 'Decay of Angels' stemmed from Yukio Mishima's book entitled 'The Decay of An Angel.' This is the final novel to the author's tetralogy: 'The Sea of Fertility.' The main protagonist, Honda, meets a person he believes to be a reincarnation of his friend, Kiyoaki, who takes the form of a young teenage boy named Tōru. The last novel of this series enhances Mishima's dominant themes of the series as a whole:

the decay of courtly tradition in Japan

the essence and value of Buddhist philosophy and aesthetics

Mishima’s apocalyptic vision of the modern era

Again, this could be referred to what Fukuchi goes on to say:

Some people view the concept of samsara optimistically, justifying it by saying that perhaps each individual is given a second (third, fourth, fifth, who knows) chance to refine their actions in order to be birthed into a better realm, with their karma being the independent variable.

On the other hand, other people, specifically the Hindus, view the cycle of existence as some sort of plague. To them, the flow of life and being forced to endure the suffering of mere existence in any form was somewhat frowned down upon. Some Hindus viewed samsara as a trap. Besides, having one's soul being limited to a physical body for the rest of eternity was not very appealing, especially since where they ended up at depended on the karmic value their past actions surmounted.

Even so, particular types of Buddhists don't seek nirvana, but instead, like the Hindus, they make an effort to be good people of society, building up their good deeds to increase the likelihood of being reborn into one of the better realms.

As mentioned before, the Deva Realm was the home of angels, the most carefree, gratified beings to exist. Fukuchi describes these angels as the people who don't get their hands dirty, the people who act as the puppeteers of society: politicians.

In terms of parallels, angels were the most fortunate and powerful, but they didn't have anyone ruling over them. A lack of supervision would lead to the abuse of power, which is what I believe Fukuchi was referring to. Deeming himself the Decay of Angels, he sought to prove himself as the 'sign of death that falls on the nation's greed.'

A few fun facts (okay, not really) about Yukio Mishima: he committed seppuku (ritual suicide by disembowelment) on the day he held a speech to voice out his unpopular political beliefs to the public. Mishima deeply treasured traditions and opposed the modern mindset the nation was advancing forward to adapt eventually. In his last book, The Decay of an Angel, he spoke about the five signs which complete the death of an angel:

Here are the five greater signs: the once-immaculate robes are soiled, the flowers in the flowery crown fade and fall, sweat pours from the armpits, a fetid stench envelops the body, the angel is no longer happy in its proper place.

The Decay of an Angel, p.53

The reviews about this series I've read so far describe Mishima's works to be quite complex; his writings demanded a lot of time to deconstruct and understand. They were highly symbolic, and he was pretty obsessed with death and the 'spiritual barrenness of the modern world.' I think you could attach a few strings from here to the mindsets of the DOA members. Of course, this parallel is completely abstract, but I'll go on rambling anyway:

He should have armed them with the foreknowledge that would keep them from flinging themselves after their destinies, take away their wings, keep them from soaring, make them march in step with the crowd. The world does not approve of flying. Wings are dangerous weapons. They invite self-destruction before they can be used. If he had brought Isao to terms with the fools, then he could have pretended that he knew nothing of wings.

The Decay of an Angel, p.113

I suppose you could resonate Nikolai with that excerpt. As much as Fukuchi takes the lead in this whole murder association, I'd like to believe that each member of the DOA plays an equally interesting part in whatever movement they're trying to execute. Fyodor feels it is his god-sent purpose to cleanse the world of its sins, his motto being, "Let the hand of God guide you." Sigma doesn't know where he belongs, since his origination comes from a page in the Book, and is fueled by the desperation to find a reason to live. Bram holds one of the most powerful abilities which is counted to be one of the "Top Ten Calamities to Destroy the World."

What I mean to say is that the DOA members are incredibly powerful, and they're not your ordinary antagonists (or I'm just biased). It's not just overthrowing authorities, mass genocide, and world domination— you could say that each individual is trying to utilize their purposes to their fullest expenditures, and the way they're trying to assert their plan into action is a little more passive-aggressive (framing the Agency, having a convo with a suicidal dude in jail, etc). They're the gray area between evil and good. As they framed the good guys for their own crimes, they're trying to conquer the bad guys for exploiting the innocent as they please.

This post would definitely age well if all hell breaks loose in the current arc (as if it didn't) and Kafka doesn't give us a happy ending.

That's all I have to say for now I guess! Thank you for reading, and once again, if anyone else something they wanna share, feel free to do so <3

sources (tryna follow Q's example ^_^) :

the six realms

samsara

the decay of angels

beast!au

the book

the sea of fertility

yukio mishima

theory: dazai’s emotional/mental state in beast!au

q’s theory: dazai being the protector of the book

theory: beast!dazai and the book

[scarletooyoroi]

His fatigue stems better from a mental variety. Diving into the countless tragedies of Teyvat is by no means an easy endeavor. Despite the many warnings it offers, despite the shining bravery of those who tried to enact doing some good in the world, just picturing a lot of it firsthand feels so far and above Thoma's head at the time. Heading to those sights firsthand and having to do battle with the mad remnants only added to that weight.

Just what could've happened? To have Ruin Guards that actually fought for humanity's sake, what in the hell caused them to gain a very palpable malice in their actions?

"To me? It sounds as if a change of heart was being found in those soldiers from Khaenri'ah." It conflicts with many of the local legends that stirred about the calamity that intended to sink Teyvat into a never ending moat of flame and sheer catastrophe. "I won't bet my certainty upon that, with how many ways it could be spun, I don't want to focus in one select path."

Inazuma in its most recent days should the level of err at very human and very divine scales of how that can pan out.

"What's your opinion on the situation back then? I know tearing their hard work gone rogue is definitely the move to make now. But something.. I'm not sure, it feels as if there's critical things just missing about that incident."

Lumine laughed, a smile splitting her lips as she did so. "No, not a house plant. But perhaps a kitten? Or a puppy." she teased back. She wrapped her arms around him as he leaned into her. For all the things he'd been studying, he was probably also slightly tired she'd say. Just from him leaning against her. Albeit briefly.

"The scraps I've found in Sumeru speak of a war. But what happened 500 years ago wasn't a war in the way we'd definite it right? It was a total annihilation." she mused thinking back to the old scraps of papers that she saw in the very old giant stationary ruin guard stations.

"We need more information. I don't think the scraps we're find are giving us much."

[ukcyo]

sehnsucht.

❦ summary ; as all of you wait to reach your destination, reiner and you are entangled in each other’s arms. there isn't any other place you'd feel at home than here, lying next to him.

➳ pairing ; reiner braun x reader

➳ genre ; angst, hurt/comfort, tinge of fluff

➳ warnings ; spoilers for chapter 129 and beyond, mentions of death

Slumber was meant for serenity and comfort, a brief escape from the disappointing (in your case—devastating) fact that was reality. Yet, this world remains as cruel and sadistic as ever, placing you into the realm of nightmares in order to prohibit you from even enjoying an ounce of rest.

Seeing the sea painted red, millions of lifeless bodies floating aimlessly, was enough to blast you awake.

Cold sweat overtakes you as your chest heaves rapidly, the horror of what you saw still vividly fresh in your mind. It makes you reel, eyes moving frantically as you remain unaware if this was reality or not, your heart pounding so hard it was as if it was going to explode.

But as soon as your eyes land on the man lying next to you, arm protectively wrapped around your waist, your body immediately relaxes.

Reiner’s eyes are shut close, his lips slightly parted as small huffs of breath consistently escape from between them. His expression was peaceful, which was something that greatly contrasted the sorrow and desolation that was frequent on his features from the moment you finally saw him after four years. You can’t help but feel a bit of joy and relief at noticing this, for it had been a while since you’ve seen him so serene and calm, as if the arduousness of life had failed to penetrate him. Seeing him like this was enough to tell you that what you saw was just a nightmare.

Seconds later, however, he begins to stir, eyes slowly opening to reveal their gleaming hazel color. You must have woken him up due to your rustling.

Reiner’s eyes immediately fall onto you, haziness still deeply laced into them due to the fact that he was still half-asleep. Your heart leaps when you feel his hand softly rub circles into your waist, the gesture bringing great comfort to you. Instinctively, you turn your body towards him, wanting to feel this as long as possible. His warmth and affection was the only thing keeping you together at the moment. It was the only thing preventing you from thinking just how plausible your nightmare was.

Yet, as soon as you do this, Reiner’s hands gently clutch your cheeks, tilting your head upwards. His eyebrows are furrowed in immense concern, the sleepiness present in his eyes now all gone.

“What’s wrong? You’re shaking...”

Curse his perceptiveness. 

And curse you for not noticing that you were still deeply bothered.

“I...It’s nothing,” you reassure quietly, hoping to everything that your voice doesn’t betray you. You close your eyes as you rest the weight of your face on the hands that continued to caress your cheeks, focusing on completely calming yourself by the utter warmth and care emitted by them. Reiner’s hands were calloused and rigid, most likely stemming from all the strain and battles they were subjugated to. But despite that, they managed to make you feel like you are right where you belong.

“I’m sorry for waking you up,” you followed up, guilty over your actions. He was probably really tired and that brief sleep would have helped him a lot, “I know how exhausted and worn out you are.”

He feels a pang of shame from your apology. Even back then, during your training days and well into joining the Survey Corps, you had always managed to look through him like transparent glass. Despite how well Reiner acted as an older brother, carefully crafting his persona, you knew it was all an act. You knew how tired he got, how much he often wanted to break down and cry from both the hidden guilt and stress that came from the crimes in pursuit of completing their mission. And each time you noticed, you were there to comfort him. You always looked out for him, for his wellbeing, and always put his needs above yourself. Before he knew it, he was always crying to you about how tired he was, how he didn’t realize how difficult this all really was. Even if you didn’t know what he was really talking about, you never failed to listen, giving him the advice that allowed him to continue moving forward.

You were a savior, someone who always managed to give him a brief taste of solace. He grew intoxicated and soon, he wasn’t only falling in love with the way you gave him brief peace. He fell in love with your voice, the way your cheeks would rise when you threw a solid, ecstatic grin towards his way, how your eyes twinkled under the moonlight--he fell in love with you and the way you made him feel. It blinded and cursed him, because his love for you further tore him in half. And through this all, through all the conflict and inner turmoil, he never even thought of what you were going through.

And yet, four years later, during the end of the world, as both of you lay on this bed, entangled in each other’s arms, your cheeks snuggly resting against the palm of his hand, you never changed. Even after feeling the rapid rate of your heartbeat, your body shaking in fright, you still put him first. You thought about his wellbeing instead of your own.

How selfish and undeserving he was.

“[y/n] please... Please don't do that, I want you to tell me what's wrong," he pleads, tears already accumulating in his eyes, "You always think about how I feel, but you never think about your own."

You stiffen as you open your eyes to stare at Reiner in shock. Your heart sinks as you once more see guilt and self-loathe painted across his features, his staple expressions. The past four years that you shared away from each other has truly scarred and battered him in such a ghastly manner.

You clasp his hands that continue to tenderly encage your cheeks.

"I'm alright, I promise. It was just some stupid nightmare," you reassure with a tranquilizing tone. Yet, even after saying so, you can still clearly see the despondency in his expression. You can see the poison of diffidence littered all over his eyes, the tears that were still crumpled around their rims only further magnifying it.

He was suffering so much.

"You still don't believe me," you admit sadly, eyes downcast to prevent yourself from also tearing up, "Reiner, I know I already told you this but I'm much more selfish than you give me credit for. Even back then, I... A major reason onto why I was always there to comfort you was because it made me feel important, that my life was more than just constant danger. I wanted to keep that to myself, to keep you to myself. I never even once suggested you try telling the others about what you were feeling, because I wanted you to continue to look at me like I was the only light of your life. Because everytime you looked at me like that... I feel like the future is brighter than it seems to be."

His eyes widen as you bite your lip in pure, utter shame. Admitting this part of yourself burned you much more than you thought it would.

"I love you, Reiner, and I always will. That's why I always prioritize you and your feelings. That's why I could never completely hate you after you betrayed us all those years ago, no matter how much I should've," you confess breathlessly, "But to say that I do so selflessly is a lie in itself. I'm not that good of a person, and I honestly think none of us are. This cruel world makes sure of that."

You finally have the courage to look at him again, telling yourself that you'll accept the hurt and betrayed expression that will be present on his face. After all, you just shattered the idealized perception he had of you.

To your surprise, you were met with a genuinely delighted smile instead.

It was as if something heavy was lifted off of Reiner's chest after hearing you tell him all of those hidden thoughts. He feels extremely light, the exquisite taste of euphoria that he hasn't felt in such a while being so vividly present on his tongue.

You didn't love him out of pity. You love him because his presence gives you joy and satisfaction.

"Thank you. I'm... I'm so happy."

You're speechless, completely caught off guard from this unexpected reaction.

"Wh- I don't understand," you stammer, thoughts in disarray, "I just admitted to you that I-"

"You love me," Reiner reiterates with a much more cheerful tone than usual, "You love me because of who I am and how I make you feel. You don't love me because you think I need it."

You realize the reason behind his ecstatic reaction with your confession. Seeing Reiner so undeniably happy also made you feel similar sentiments, but the fact that he thought of your love in such a completely different way also planted a small seed of disappointment.

Your hand leaves his hand to caress his cheek instead, the small hairs that formed his goatee slightly tickling your palm.

"I never thought of you as a charity case," you whispered with a tone that sounded more pained than you intended, "I didn't fall in love with you because of your pain. I would hate myself if I did."

His tears finally spills over, its path down his cheeks being cut short by your hand.

If only things were different. If only they didn't turn out this way. He would've--

"I wish I married you beforehand," Reiner admits, "That way, when I end up dying from trying to save the world now, I wouldn't have any regrets. Because half of me would have continued living in you."

There it was. The toxic substance of lamentation. You felt the same, having the same thoughts over and over again for the time after learning of the truth behind the walls and what Reiner and the others had to go through. What if, if only, if only you didn't do this, what if you did that. It was a never ending cycle of pain, grief, and hurt that damaged you beyond mention. But as time passed, so did those emotions, and you found yourself accepting that the damage had been done. All you can do now is move on with the present and do better.

Reiner had never broken out of that cycle and you'd be damn to let him continue being in it.

"How do you know you will die," you question, "It's not like it's set in stone. We can still do it, we can still get married after all of this is over. All you have to do is survive. You have to fight to live as much as you can. I know I will, for you."

He gasps in surprise before his expression softens after internalizing your words. The Warrior was finding himself getting lost and intoxicated in the look of hope and adoration in your eyes, just like he did back then. You are a drug that attaches to him like glue and he will always embrace it full-heartedly.

"So let's survive for each other. Let's survive for a future we both deserve."

Reiner couldn't even bear to fathom what kind of emotions surged through him when the most heavenly smile etched across your lips after saying those words of promise. He felt like he was basking in the presence of a goddess, because it was almost impossible someone like you are real. Someone as ethereal and lovely as you can't possibly exist on this Earth. Yet here you are, hand wrapped around his cheek, saying you'll survive so you can still marry him.

"Can I kiss you," he timidly requests, voice barely above a whisper. He wanted more of your touch, your essence to envelop him whole, but a part of him still feels so unworthy of it.

A small, disbelieving chuckle escapes from you. You thought he would never ask.

"Please."

In an instant, Reiner guides your head closer to his until his lips finally meets yours. His lips were still as soft as they were four years ago, the sweetness and elation they provided you filled up the crevices of your soul. There was nothing on this earth that can defeat the way Reiner's lips felt against yours. There was no force that can match the passion and fervor that was present in the way his lips moved against yours, the action itself telling you just how vast his love for you was.

As exhilarating kissing Reiner was, you were more ecstatic over what this kiss meant to both of you. It was his promise, his promise to you that he will do his best to survive. The way that both of you are in a current liplock, joined as one, demonstrated his vow to make it out of this alive in order to join both of your lives together in marriage.

You wish this would never end.

You wish time wasn't so inevitable.

Reiner slowly parts from you after a while, his eyes looking at each and every feature on your face. He engraves the way you look right now in his mind, the memory of it already being one of his most treasured.

His thumb gently scrapes away at your cheekbones, as if to take something away. You didn't realize that you were crying.

"I will love you even after death. But you're right, I don't have to die so soon," Reiner confesses with sincerity, before returning to wrap his arms around your form once more. He flushes you against his chest as he places a loving kiss on the top of your head.

"I promise you. We'll both survive."

hellooo !! this is my very fic/ one-shot made on this site :'^ i hope you enjoy it as much as it was both fun and hurt to write lol

i'm still trying to navigate through tumblr and how to use it so i hope you bear with me !! thank you once again <33

[casually-inlove]

Hello. In one of your responses, you wrote: "I also have things that I don't necessarily agree with." Can you tell us about it? I am very interested in your representation of this manhua. What do you think is written well in the story, and what is not? What would you add or remove? What is missing and what is too much in history? I would very much like to know your TianShan headcanon. I have too many "wants". I'm sorry if I was rude.

Dear anon, this was not rude at all. Indeed, you have many questions, so much as I try to be concise in my posts, this one is going to be very lengthy. Let me start with a little disclaimer. Everything below is entirely subjective. It is in no way meant to undermine anyone's enjoyment of the series, nor is it supposed to be an attack against the author. I value the comic's episodic nature and light-heartedness myself, otherwise, I would not have stuck around. It is also true that for the past half a year my interest in it waxes and wanes. Besides, I am well aware that certain groups of fans grow dissatisfied with the manhua direction. That said, I must state once again, OX has every right to write the story as they please, while the fans, no matter how displeased they may be, do not have the room to make demands of the author. So then, without further ado, some of my quibblings follow below. Beware of the wall-of-text.

1) The plot and characters get stagnant at times — these two go hand in hand. I suppose it is a prevalent gripe with 19 Days, and I am sure everyone has experienced it at least once. Some of it stems from the very way the story is told: the manhua timeline moves slowly in comparison with the readers' timeline. It works for depicting slow-burn relationships and subtle changes in the characters' outlooks. The problem is, more often than not, the latest chapters are inconsequential to either plot or character growth. They do not have the substance or the conflict to them. When OX had introduced the characters, while undoubtedly charming and loveable, they were practically walking tropes. Jian Yi, the bubbly airhead. ZZX, the stoic childhood friend. HT, Mr Popular. As time passed, OX did the clever (and the right) thing — they have subverted these stereotypes, by showing us that the characters are not who they appear to be. Thus, we learned that Jian Yi is a lonesome, affection deprived kid who on occasion dreads going back home because it's empty; his bright grin is there to hide his sadness.  We also learned that HT had a dysfunctional family and had been exposed to violence since a tender age; we also learned that he used to lead an empty life devoid of close interpersonal connections and passions, etc. I am not going to write about Mo because it is obvious and self-explanatory.

That sudden change in the perspective is what made those characters fascinating. A few of these developments co-occur with the addition of the “darker” mafia/gangster subplot. Indeed, the introduction of the criminal legacy theme (which is true for Jian Yi, He Tian, and Mo to an extent) allowed to show the wounds and troubles these characters had to face. It also dangled the prospect of an intriguing plot direction — a mafia-related story that is disguised as a school-themed slice-of-life. It was the underlying gangster plot-line that hooked me up; I kept asking myself: Are they connected (the Jian family, the He family)? Were they responsible for what happened with the Mo family restaurant? Will their backgrounds converge at some point? How does Jia Yi's kidnapping fit into all this? That sort of stuff. Alas, right now that subplot seems to be put on a backburner, which is a shame because this is the plot-line that leads to future events, such as Jian Yi's disappearance. The kidnapping is still going to happen and the threat looming over Jian Yi is still real, yet OX does very little to explain anything about it. Naturally, revealing everything at once is out of the question, but if it were me, I would have opted for unveiling bits and pieces now and then. To start with, it would have propelled the plot forward. Apart from that, it would have given the readers some food for thought and kept the intrigue fresh — they would have been cracking their heads to piece the puzzle. Finally, the characters' darker backgrounds provide the opportunity to give them development. For instance, how would Mo's view of He Tian change, if he learned that the latter had to face his warped father to save Mo (ch. 245 and further on)? Or how would Mo react, if he learned that He Tian lost his mother (presumably) due to his family shady dealings? Would it make him understand the other boy, relate to him on some level? Etc. 

The comedy and fun, light moments are precious, but I miss those moments when the manhua challenged my impression of the characters. Right now, the plot stagnates in the sense that we know that someone is threatening Jian Yi, but we aren't being given any clues or updates on the matter, as if the whole thing wasn't important. So, in response to your question “what would I have removed”, I would say that I would probably drop quite a few school-centric chapters in favour of “criminal” subplot. Just a bit: maybe show Mr Jian's messages, or Jian Yi's mother discussing the situation with him, or He Cheng receiving some reports on the situation.  

The character recent portrayal also disappoints me on occasion. They started as stereotypical manga characters, then they were given some depth, and now they are close to becoming yet another set of stereotypes. Yeah, I get that Mo is a tsundere and enamoured He Tian is an idiot in love — OX has been depicting them as such for the past year. It would be cool to take a look at other facets of their personalities now and then too. While it’s understandable that only a few weeks have passed since the beginning of the story, OX should remember that years have passed for the readers; keeping the audience engaged should be among their priorities.

I suppose I do have a bias here because as an adult I have little interest in all things school-related, and in general, I am not too fond of slice-of-life (I typically avoid reading it).19 Days attracted me because it had some universal themes, like dealing with past and legacy, finding your path, healing from the old scars, learning to handle difficult relationships within a family, and of course its low-key “mafia” subplot. It could be that OX truly doesn't have a meticulously chapter-to-chapter thought-out plot, hence why the manhua meanders at times, or it could have something to do with Mosspaca's internal agenda. Perhaps, it is the latter and the company somehow insists its artists stick with simplistic plots for the sake of keeping their target audience. Even so, there's a catch here, which was brought to the attention by @agapaic: the original reader audience has aged up already so to keep them hooked it would be wise of OX to “mature up” the comic as well. Not in the sense of 18+ content, but in the sense of introducing more mature subjects alongside the comedy and slice of life. Perhaps, they are not looking to keep the fans but to attract the new, younger ones. Who knows.

2) Drama and comedy imbalance. It is a pet peeve of mine which I consider to be one of the prominent manhua flaws: there is lots of slapstick comedy which ends up being out of place on occasion. I do realize the comic is humorous, however, there is no denying that OX introduced themes and topics that are no laughing matters. Jian Yi's and He Tian's loneliness, bullying and ostracizing, extortion racket, absentee parents, youth gangs and violence — just to name a few. There is a lot more, but you get the picture.

It is also obvious that three out of four main characters carry the remnants of childhood trauma with them, which directly affects their present selves. All the same, these topics practically fizzle out as soon as they get introduced, or get swept under the rug with comedy. Considering the humorous nature of the comic, it is given that dispersing some grimmer topics with playfulness will be used now and then. To my mind, however, OX relies on that abrupt drama-to-comedy switch too heavily, which makes the transition steep and often out of place. At times, it creates an impression that the author does not take these issues seriously. There have been numerous episodes when emotional moments were subverted and then dropped, without gaining climax and closure. For instance, the moment that sticks out to me the most is when He Tian attempted to tell Mo why he liked him. The visuals made it clear that it wasn't easy for He Tian to say out loud, yet OX never gave the intense moment the needed closure.

Mo brushed He Tian off and the latter just rolled with it, as if it never took him any courage to say those words, and then everything was swiftly engulfed by slapstick humour (the ball-slapping scene). A panel showing a glimpse of He Tian's face sinking to indicate he was somewhat let down by Mo's nonchalant response would have been appropriate — in fact, it would be natural for someone to get hurt when their confession is taken lightly. Likewise, I half-expected OX to show a bit more of He Tian's reaction towards Mo's story about his meeting with She Li. We got to see his expression darkening when he learned that She Li gave Mo the ear piercings, yet this time — mind you, when Mo suggested that She Li might have murdered someone — we never see He Tian react much. For the record, it was He Tian who asked She Li a rhetorical question about being able to take responsibility for taking a life.

Furthermore, I believe that someone romantically invested in another human being would have naturally shown more inquisitiveness upon hearing a story like that. Sure enough, some would say that Mo would not have liked talking about a traumatizing event, and that is fine as well — just show it. A single panel of He Tian being concerned and trying to inquire further and Mo refusing to talk would have been a very neat detail that could have potentially smoothed the transition into humour, while keeping our heroes in character.

3) Sometimes there is too much focus on the couples. The manhua has introduced several reoccurring supporting characters which are directly linked to our main quartet. For example, Mo had bonds before meeting our boys: his henchmen, the Buzzcut. Likewise, He Cheng was the one to raise He Tian; he shaped the boy's outlook on life.  These characters all played important roles in making our boys the people they are today, and yet we know so little of their bonds. Maybe the Buzzcut is unimportant in the larger scheme of things, He Cheng, however, is not only linked to He Tian, but he also plays a part in the underlying mafia/gangster subplot. It would have made sense if he was the one to shed some light on the situation with Jian Yi and He Tian's traumatic past. I would have loved to see our boys interact with other people as well — it would have served to show the variety of relationships out there: friendships, familial bonds, mutual respect between the leader and underlings, etc.

Anyway, I am going to stop now. I could name a few more, but this text is already more than 2000 words long. I have made some posts with my nitpicking before, so if you wish you can read them here.  

link & link 

Once again, this is all entirely subjective and it is not meant to be perceived as me saying that the manhua is poorly written and no one should enjoy it. Writing and creating compelling plots is a tough job, especially when it comes to long pieces. It also goes without saying that the author should keep their target audience and marketing goals in mind. 19 Days appeals to a great number of people of all ages and that means that OX succeeded in creating something compelling. Their writing is indeed flawed at times, but there is no way around it. It is impossible to excel both at being a great artist and a good writer. While there may be things that each of us would want to change (when comes to characters or the plot), it is still important to remember that it is not our creation. We can only decide whether to keep reading and enjoy what we get or move along. There is no point in attacking the author or generating constant pessimism.

[voidlitmoon]

I've Lost My Past, But Found My Future

Alright! Virgil time @sugarglider9603!

Oo so originally I was going to have this be a really big chapter including Virgil getting caught.. buttttt it's already super long, so it's going to be a part two. Also hahah, I post like three in a row and then this one takes several days :')

I just.. I saw the opportunity for soft Moxiety making flower crowns and I took it, hope you enjoy!

Also fun fact, today (8/21/19) is fanfiction writers appreciation day!

Edit- adition of art (8/22/19) this will be appearing in every fic now, and I will be adding it to the older ones as well :)

Ao3 link

Ao3 series link

Part 2 Part 4

Master post

Words: 2,417

Summery: 'Just below their room sat a few tipped over metal garbage cans, something small and dark looking in all of them, sniffing. It's tail sank down in disappointment as it backed out the last one, not finding what it was looking for, and Thomas couldn't help but gasp.

The pokemon heard as it's head head shot up, ears pricked in fear as it stared back. Roman flicked his tail against Thomas' arm as the Eevee felt something, something he knew the trainer would be feeling as well. Thomas flinched as his mind snapped back in place, ready to call to the creature, but it was already running back into the forest.

And in a matter of moments, the dark furred Eevee was out of sight.'

 

Making it through half a forest usually means a bit of rest is deserved, right?

Well of course, until you see another soul piece outside your window.

Now, how are we going to befriend this one? Flower crowns? Patton is on the job

Thomas smiled as the path below his feet broke the tree cover, placing him and his team in a large clearing. He did love camping out in the woods, the wind whistling songs throughout the night and the stars danced above, but something about sleeping in an actual bed brought home back.

He stared at the Pokecenter that (from what he read) laid near the middle of the woods, meaning they where about half way through. The sun was still up yes, but was silently sinking closer to disappearing below the thick tree tops.

"Come on, almost there" he reassured Patton who, unlike Roman and Logan who where walking on either side of Thomas, laid across the trainers shoulders, attempting to stay awake either till they reach the Pokecenter or a campsite was set up. Thankfully for the silver Eevee, they entered and booked a room in a matter of minutes. Thomas softly set him down on the bed, slipping off his glasses as Logan jumping up next to the human, giving him a 'thank you' chirp as he pawed off his own pair before curling around his partner. Thomas had to bite his lip to stop the squeal trying to erupt at the soft cuddles, the slightly larger dark silver Eevee laying a tail over the other, heads set next to each other as purrs erupted.

Thomas sat on the bed as he pet Roman, who had plopped into his lap after the trainer had changed into pajamas. The two Eevees had been a part of his team for some time now, Logan even assisting with the last gym battle. He glanced happily at the sleeping two, glad that they felt the connection as strong as Thomas did.

The quiet spell though was brokens as a few quiet sounds of metal on metal crashed outside his second story room. Thomas blinked in confusion, Roman paddling curiously behind the trainer as he opened and looked out the window.

Just below their room sat a few tipped over metal garbage cans, something small and dark looking in all of them, sniffing. It's tail sank down in disappointment as it backed out the last one, not finding what it was looking for, and Thomas couldn't help but gasp.

The pokemon heard as it's head head shot up, ears pricked in fear as it stared back. Roman flicked his tail against Thomas' arm as the Eevee felt something, something he knew the trainer would be feeling as well. Thomas flinched as his mind snapped back in place, ready to call to the creature, but it was already running back into the forest.

And in a matter of moments, the dark furred Eevee was out of sight.

______________________________

 

Thomas stared tiredly onto his breakfast plate, touched as much as Thomas had slept last night. So, naturally, the plate was basically still full.

 

Roman was having the same issue, eating a bit before leaving the bowl of pokefood to the other two.

 

Neither could get their minds off the dark Eevee as it dashed back into the forest, obvious fear fueling each limb. They explained what they saw to Logan and Patton, but the shinies hadn't had that much contact with other pokemon, let alone an Eevee in a different forest.

 

They packed up and, after thanking the Nurse Joy, continued back into the forest.

 

Thomas' mind flicked back to last night, remembering the Eevee had ran away this direction. He wondered if the Eevee had a home out here, or if it was running back to the town. If it was the second option, the kiddo had a long two day journey ahead.

 

Roman nuzzled his cheek in understanding, Patton giving a small chirp of reassurement from his other shoulder. He felt Logan brush against his leg in comfort, feeling the anxiety come off in waves.

 

"Thanks guys" he laughed, giving Roman and Patton a few skritches, feeling Logan hop up onto his messenger bag. He gave a few to Logan before continuing down the path, 

 

not noticing the violet eyes carefully watch the trainer walk away. A skitter of paws, and the curious pokemon followed.

 

______________________________

 

Thomas giggled as a purring Roman attempted to playfully swipe at a Butterfree, failing by a couple of feet as the Butterfree just fluttered higher. During their walk through the woods an enormous field of flowers caught their attention and before he knew what was happening, Patton was already playfully bouncing through them.

 

It was a wonderful sight, emerald green grass poked between hundreds of thousands of flowers, the rainbow spectrum shining off every petal. Delicate green stems dug into the rich soul as Butterfree, Combee, Cutiefly, and so many others drank nectar and fluttered in the sun. Zigzagoon, Oddish, Rattata, and more species of pokemon hopped around in the bright sun shining happily, gladly playing with Roman and Patton. A bright blue sky shone upon Thomas and Logan as they sat watching the others, soft white puffy clouds lazily drifted away by a warm breeze.

 

Since night had not been far off from the horizon as they found the place, Thomas set up the tent by a crystal blue pond as the Eevee's went around assuring they meant no harm. The stars shone brightly as more nocturnal pokemon came out, Thomas even catching Logan laying down on a large rock right by the ponds edge, staring wistfully at the sky as stars reflected in water. It was so peaceful Thomas had stop and watch as not a single ripple disturbed the water, waxing crescent moon shining far above, draping its light across the dark silver Eevee's fur.

Logan was still out there as Thomas fell asleep, but by morning was curled up on Thomas' chest with Patton and Roman.

 

 

Patton pawed at leaves from Oddish's head "so these are plants, but they've always been there?" He wondered, fascinated. The Oddish giggled and nodded as they heard a Vileplume call for its family. The little one hopped away, waving a leaf in goodbye and Patton chirped one back. He looked around exited, now who should he play with next-

 

Gray eyes met Violet.

 

Patton stared at the Eevee, remembering the description Thomas gave them

 

"It was dark outside, but over the trashcans there was a light. It looked like a dark brown furred Eevee, not a shiny dark grey like Logan but a darker Roman. I swear I saw saw Violet eyes stare back before it ran off."

 

Before the Eevee could repeat its actions Patton bounced happily over to it "hi!" He greeted excitedly.

 

"U-uh hi" the Eevee mumble shyly, shrinking back.

 

Patton took no offense "do you wanna play?" He asked, surprising the other "or pick flowers? Oh, or I can teach you how to make flower crowns! I was teaching Roman but he had kinda a hard time with it" the Eevee looked conflicted, not wanting to sadden the Pokepuff in front of him, but..

 

He glanced at Thomas "um.. sure, but c-can we stay away from the trainer?" Patton saddened only for a moment, before perking back up. He had wanted to introduce the Eevee to the others, but it was still a wild pokemon, and even most of the wild pokemon out playing with the Eevees stayed away from the human.

 

"Sure!" The Eevee seemed to relax a bit, following Patton to a patch of purple, light blue, red, and indigo flowers. He saw that Thomas noticed them, but was staying away with a smile.

 

"By the way, I'm Patton" he commented, showing the Eevee how to braid the stems together with their paws and teeth. Eevee looked up from a purple and light blue crown that was going well "you have a name? Does your trainer know?" "Oh, he gave me the name. He asked if I wanted one, and I liked it!" Patton grabbed another red flower, skillfully weaving it in "I think he asked Roman if he wanted a name too, when they first met" Patton flicked his tail to the bandanna wearing Eevee, currently pawing at the water in curiosity. Hearing his name, he popped up and looked around, only for his gaze to lock onto the dark furred Eevee in excitement.

 

He bounded over "hey!" He greeted, softly tapping Patton's head, who giggled in reply.

 

He plopped down next the silver Eevee, curiously staring as the dark furred Eevee shrunk in a little more. Patton sighed, flicking his tail at Roman as he returned to his flower crown "Roman, it's rude to stare" the Eevee blinked, not even realizing the action he was doing as he was enchanted by the others unique eyes.

 

 

After a bit, Patton sprang up holding his flower crown in his mouth, yet.. it seemed too big to fit on an Eevee. "Be right back" his muffled voice told the two as he trotted over to the trainer.

 

Eevee glanced up at Roman, who was uncurling having taken a nap against Patton, before turning to finish his flower crown to avoid eye connection. He'd never been good with others since.. her, only connecting with his family, like their souls were somehow connected. But then..

 

He remembered falling into a crate as he attempted to grab an apple, and then another crate being placed on top. He remembered hearing the cries of his family as the truck drove off, watching his family shrink smaller and smaller through a hole as the truck zoomed faster and faster.

 

As the crate opened to air he leapt out, only to appear into a place he didn't know. He'd realized at that moment he had to search for them find them again, running off before a human could grab his scruff. He could lose them, he couldn't lose his past.

 

He tied the last flower in place as Patton came back, only..

 

He froze as the human sat down next to Roman, now wearing a familiar flower crown. Another Eevee sat next to Patton, curiously tilting his head at the wild pokemon.

 

"Hey kiddo" the human spoke softly, as though sorry if he scared the Eevee. Ha, a trainer being sorry "just wanted to say hi, I didn't know why you ran off the other night so I was a bit worried" his voice sounded genuine, perhaps even happy for something, but Eevee didn't know if it was true.

 

Something though, for the first time, told him it was.

 

The new Eevee blinked behind his glasses "I see Patton has taught you how to make those flower crowns. An impressive feet for someone to learn with paws" Eevee shuffled to a sitting position "its not.. that good" he mumbled, poking the messy braided flowers.

 

"But it is!" Patton cried, jumping up causing Eevee to jolt back in fear "sorry" he apologized. "Really it is" the mystery Eevee commented, blinking as he realized something "I'm Logan by the way."

 

"More like Logay" Roman muttered "though truly, you did a splendid job. In all my attempts I haven't achieved the ability to even braid two flowers together" Eevee nodded, shyly but curiously looking at the trainer. He stayed quiet, legs crossed grinning like a Chansey until the Eevee's eyes met his.

 

"I'm guessing at least Logan introduced himself" he laughed "I'm Thomas" Eevee nodded, conflicted feelings raging inside.

 

"Hey bud, do you have a name?" The Eevee blinked in shock, needing the ground. He couldn't help but drop his ears as he shook his head, a tad ashamed. Thomas just smiled encouragingly "would you like one?"

 

Yes. He couldn't lie, he'd always wanted a name, but never felt the courage to name himself or admit this fact.

 

"you have a name? Does your trainer know?" "Oh, he gave me the name. He asked if I wanted one, and I liked it!"

 

But this trainer.. he had asked before he named the others. He could have forced one, whether they wanted it or not. Maybe..

 

Slowly, he nodded.

 

"Alright hmm.." Thomas seemed to actually think hard, as if this was the biggest decision he'd ever make.

 

What if it was really bad? What if he didn't like it but the trainer wanted to keep it so he was forced to know that that was his name for all existence? What if because of this the trainer would say he belongs to him now and force captures him and-

 

"Do you like the name Virgil?"

 

The Eevee stared. Virgil.. Virgil.. he.. 

 

Virgil looked up and nodded.

 

 

Thomas smiled, giggling a bit. He instinctively went to go pet Virgil, but stopped his hand. No, that wasn't his pokemon, and the poor little one acted extremely frightened.

 

"Sorry" he sheepishly apologized, thankful his hand didn't get far enough to scare the Eevee. It blinked at him before picking up a purple and blue flower crown. Huh, Patton must have shown him how. 

 

And sure enough, the small Eevee cautiously walked forward, placing the flower crown on the light gray Eevee. It backed away and chirped, before turning away to the forest, yet..

 

It seemed to struggle, as though unable to move a paw away. Virigl shook his head before flicking his tail in goodbye, dashing off into the forest.

 

The Eevee's around him cried out at Thomas, wondering why the trainer let the pokemon leave, but Thomas just smiled.

 

"I know he'll come back" he softly said to no one in particular, the Eevee's looking at him in curiosity. He lifted his head up, staring as a small cloud passed above.

 

"It's his choice if he'll join, but I know it. Our puzzle piece will come back."

 

 

The purple eyed Eevee watched the team pack up, laughing together as Roman one last time inspected the water and Logan pushed him in. Virgil skirted around the pond, dashing to the other side of the forest, watching the team finish and continued walking down the path.

 

They didn't notice the dark furred Eevee follow from the shadows, connected souls carving his path.

 

'I've lost my past' he couldn't help but think, watching the team exit the forest. He darted after them, watching the team enter a Pokecenter. He curled in the shadows next to the building, front doors in view. Because he knew, somewhere in him, that this connection was to strong to run from. He didn't want to run from it. He smiled for the first time in a long time, curling up. 'Yes, I've lost my past

 

but found my future."

[valerianhemlock]

Hi can I ask what my guides are trying to tell me about my life path? Ty sm!!! They said something about teaching but I'm getting conflicting messages from all of em 😂 (2 ancestors and 3 archangels = they are helping me for a little bit) TY UR BLOG IS AMAZING!!!!!!!

Hi! ^_^ ❤️❤️ Yes you absolutely can!! And thank you, you’re so sweet!! I love your blog as well!! 🥺❤️ For your reading I have a total of 5 cards. 1 flipped over during shuffling, 3 were drawn regularly, and the 1 from the bottom of the deck- showing something of significance:

You’re off to a very good start here, starting off with the Wheel of Fortune: Immediately what I get from this is that fortune is turning in your favor and a lot of good luck is coming your way. A favorable outcome awaits you. Circumstances are changing for the better. Even if you aren’t totally aware of what you’ve done to initiate the process, you’ve started the ball rolling- or rather, the wheel turning. Don’t resist- these changes will promote growth and bring valuable learning experiences for you. It can be hard to stay balanced, but go with the flow and trust the process.

The second card is the Knave of Swords reversed: This card indicates that despite your intelligence, you may be lacking clarity or direction in life. However, knowing the court cards are 9 times out of 10 actual people- this could represent someone in your life who is young and inexperienced, or, someone whose limited life experience and blinkered attitudes leave him or her at a disadvantage. Perhaps this is someone you may have the opportunity to teach or take under your wing? As the Knave card is usually (at least to me) seen as the “student card” perhaps your guides are leading you to a life of teaching after all! :)

The third card is the upright 9 of Pentacles: This lovely card says you’ve arrived. You’ve achieved your goals and now feel secure. You’ve worked hard, used your skills and acumen, and accomplished much- you have reason to be proud! It also represents independence, you’ve created the life you desire and can now enjoy your success. The way the Knave is facing this card says to me this person can learn a lot from your talents and successes. You will be a great teacher.

The fourth card is the upright 5 of Swords: This one is the card that popped out of the deck demanding my attention. The number 5 signifies change, and this card shows a time of adjustment after a conflict of some kind. Sometimes the fight stems from ideological or spiritual differences. It symbolizes the devastation of war and recommends using diplomacy to resolve problems. After a “battle”, you realize fighting isn’t the best way to settle disputes. The cost of winning may not be worth the losses you’ve endured. This advice will be pertinent to you, whether now or sometime in the future- be sure to keep it close by.

The fifth and final card is the Chariot reversed: This card says that thing may be happening for you so fast that you may feel out of control. It may seem like you’re being pulled in two directions at once, and the stress is intense. You fear you won’t be able to control the multiple factors of a given situation. You’re at a crossroads- choose your direction carefully. The more you can tune into your own inner guidance, the more control you can exert outwardly. Most likely, the solution to the problem at hand is to take the middle road between the conflicting issues. Sever the fear and trust your intuition and inner voice. Rely on your guides, they are here to help you.

Ah, also I forgot to mention the presence of more Swords in this reading denotes that there is an air of anxiety or manipulation, so do be wary for that. The presence of two Major Arcana means that this will be something very impactful to your life. Also being that the Knave is of Swords and it is facing your 9 of Pentacles, you and this person may butt heads on different beliefs or issues.

I do hope this reading helps you, lovely, or gives you some insight on what your guides were trying to tell you! ❤️:) Wishing you good luck and blessings on your path, dear! If you have any questions I’m never more than a message away!

[anything-advice-blog]

Submission

Time-sensitive(?)

So, I’m a senior in high school, but I’m taking classes full time at a community college. My dad didn’t want me to take classes there full time since it wasn’t “academically rigorous” enough for him, but he eventually went through with it. One of his “conditions” was that I had to take a computer science class this semester. At first I was very excited, but after classes started I realized how much I didn’t like it. (Let me add that I’d like to be a history major and I'm taking the CS class designed for CS majors. My dad has been working in programming his entire career. He thinks that non-STEM majors will get you nowhere in life unless you go to grad school or medical school.) As this semester is drawing to a close, I tell him that I don’t wanna take CS II. He says that I have to and that I’m going to have to double major in CS if I major in history. (My sister majored in East Asian Studies and planned to go to med school, but did not. Did my dad force her go anyway? No.) If I don’t then he says he won’t pay my tuition. There was only one CS class that fit into my schedule for next semester and since it’s with a very popular teacher at night, it filled up before my paperwork to register was processed. There was another CS class that conflicted with two of my other classes. When I told my dad, he tells me to drop the other two classes. I didn’t. So now, all the CS classes are full and he’s telling me that if I don’t find a way into one of them, I’m going to be “severely punished”. (I highly doubt the punishment would be physical.) I went to the college administrators and they told me what I already know–they can’t get you into a class if it’s at capacity. I’m just at my wit’s end. I don’t know how many times I’ve told him how much I hate CS and how I’d like to take classes that I enjoy during my last semester of high school. I’ve told him over and over that I’d take a CS class when I actually go to college. Whenever I tell my friends about what’s going on they just say things like, “Are you gonna let him control your life?”, etc. I don’t think they get it? What am I supposed to do if he won’t pay for me to go to college? I don’t have any kind of college savings. I don’t have a job. I’m only 17 years old. I don’t wanna spend four years taking classes I hate. My mom hasn’t said anything about what’s going on, since she decided to “stay out of it”. I’m just tired of trying to plead my case. I’d take all my classes at my high school next semester if I could. I just want him to leave me alone. I just want my dad to support my decisions and let me live my life. I’m not asking for anything crazy. I just don’t wanna take a class next semester. I’ve never looked for easy As. I’ve been trying so hard to make my classes as academically challenging as I can so I can get into good schools. What should I do? No amount of talking gets through to him. What should I do?

– Class of 2017

_________________________________________________

Hey there love,

Before I give you any advice, I will say this. Parents care an awful lot, and especially when it comes to when they want their kids to succeed and have a good life. Many parents want their children to live a fulfilling and enriching lifestyle, wanting them only to live with good money, and a safe home, while being happy. That said, they can also be controlling because they’re scared that their baby girl or boy will suffer if they pursue something they love but something that doesn’t have an immediate stable foreseeable future and having only to work can be frightening.

First of all, I think it’s great that you’re pursuing something you love. It’s incredibly brave of you, and a great choice. Now you won’t have to worry about doing something you regret and hate for the rest of your life. Never give in to your parents’ wishes of wanting you to be a comp.sci major if it’s the last thing you want to do. However, I think your father wants you to follow in his footsteps for personal reasons such as fearing that history isn’t a good stable career, or maybe it’s because programming is all he’s ever known and knows that since he himself was a comp.sci major, he could help you in some way, and give you a safe future. You need to convince him that you’re growing up, and that whatever you do, you’ll be able to handle on your own. By sitting him down and tell him straight up that you understand that Comp.sci is what he wishes you pursue, it’s simply something that you can never see yourself doing, and be happy whilst at it. Then ask him if he wanted you to be unhappy. His answer would clearly be no. Despite him thinking it’s for your own good, this is your path, and your life. He clearly wants you to have a successful life, but if you’re not happy, it’s in vain. Make him see reason, by saying that history is something you have a passion for, and even though it may not be a “safe” STEM route, it’s something you chose, and won’t regret. By forcing you into comp.sci not only will it be bad for you psychologically, you won’t get much out of it either. Anyone knows that if you hate what you’re doing, you obviously won’t try as hard, and your results will show just that.

Since you can’t get a CS class this semester, take other classes to explore your other options. In the meantime, I think your father despite grudgingly you not taking his choices, he will still pay for your tuition. Why? You’re his daughter. He won’t cut you off just because you want to do something you like. There may also be a cultural aspect to it as well. My father was forced into being an engineer, despite wanting to go into business, and later on, as I grew up, I was expected to be an engineer as well like my other siblings. Now thinking about it, I had a similar situation like you. I was expected to be in a STEM major as well, and after thoroughly talking it out with my father, he let me do things on my own. Like it will be for you, it wasn’t easy. My own father was very angry especially because I didn’t follow something that had a generic safe path. My older sister was a doctor, and older brother had 3 degrees in engineering, accounting and law. As his 3rd kid, I wanted to pursue psychology and he thought that virtually had no job openings. He eventually realized that he couldn’t bend me to his will, and realized how old I was getting. I was no longer his little girl, and he realized it was pointless in directing me, because now I was able to see right and wrong. Still, he had a grudge for a long time, but it passed. It could be the same for you. No parent that cares strongly for their child’s education can hate them. He just worries too.

Try to get your mom on your side. Talk with her about your thoughts often, and when you get through to her, before long, she’ll start defending you and looking at it through your point of view. Remember, if the husband is the head, the wife is the neck. She’s the one behind the true decisions that is silently persuading the husband. Try to make her feel included in your choices, and try to get closer to her. She’ll be more inclined to listen to how you truly feel. Same goes for your sister.

However, if he still threatens to cut off your funds, start looking for scholarships. Even though it’s a hassle, and has incredibly annoying prerequisites, it’s too decrease the competition. Apply to all and any scholarship. Even if you don’t fit the requirements, do it just in case. Many scholarships end up going to waste, because no one applies for them. There are thousands of dollars that go down the drain because no one takes them, mainly because people think there’s too much people competing and give up. Heck, for jokes I applied to a scholarship for engineers, and ending up getting 500$ cause no one claimed it. Look for scholarships and bursaries. If you are coming of age, you can also look at student loans from your university/college as well as fundraising from your high school. Lastly, get a part time job. Find anything because it’ll help pay for expenses of any sort. I would recommend fast-food chains (bubble-tea stores aren’t fast food but they’re always hiring and its boba tea, what’s not to like amirite), or bookstores. They don’t require too many hours, and are usually flexible, giving you time for your schoolwork and breaks.

Maybe to try to get through to him, if you’re able, make him a deal. Deals are usually good ways to prevent conflict and can help satisfy both parties for a short or long time depending on the deal. If you can handle it, tell him that you are willing to take one or two comp. sci courses and will try to enjoy it, but in exchange, you want to be able to make your own career and post-secondary choices. Or anything you want to barter on. Make sure it’s advantageous to your side! He won’t really realize until last minute, and he won’t be able to do anything about it either.

Even though I hate to say this, don’t live for your dad. Or your mom, or anyone. It’s your life, and whatever you choose, at the end of the day, it’s you that’s stuck with the consequences or rewards. Your dad may force you, may threaten you, or even cut you off, but ultimately if you choose to go with his wishes, it’s you that faces the repercussions of it. Do anything and everything you can to defend your freedom as a growing adult. He needs to see that you have your own opinion and mindset for yourself. My dad used to always say this to me: “Whatever you do, do it for yourself, because ultimately, when everything else and everyone is gone, all you really have are your choices, and memories and what you did with them.” Learn that there will always be something or someone against your or in your way. Know that this is life, and pick your battles and try to just breathe and enjoy the rest of your high school life! You deserve it. Realize by the time you hit Uni, you’re in for the biggest rollercoaster of your life.

Really hopes this helps,

~Ella ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ