#I was so overjoyed for that bit of them holding hands :') Rightfully so!!! It's so cute.

[sskk-manifesto]

What a good episode. Maaaaaan

[thefanficmonster]

Strictly Professional

Corpse Husband x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: HUMOR, Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: A slip of the tongue leads Corpse to make an unexpected confession which leads to him getting lectured by his best friend. That’s all you need to know, the rest shall unfold before your eyes.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your lovely request! I’m so sorry it’s been so long overdue but here it finally is and I really hope you come across it and read it. If so I hope you enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤

I’ve buried my head under my arms, resting it on my desk as my ears are still violated by the hollering coming from my headset. I don’t know what in me snapped out of nowhere or what caused the slip-up, but what matters is that it happened and now I’m in some hot water. I’m practically the soup everyone in this Discord call at the moment will be eating for dinner tonight, getting a real kick at my expense - some even having the audacity to be mad at me over it - ahem, Rae, ahem - but bottom line: I won’t live this down easily.

“Hey everyone! What did I miss?“ Sykkuno, who was running late and missed this entire debacle makes an appearance. If it were any other occasion, I’d be overjoyed to hear he’s finally joining us, but his question of what he had missed renders me only able to cringe and wait for my friends’ next move.

“Sykkuno!“ Rae exclaims ecstatically, “Oh, strap in, imma tell you what you missed...“

“No, you won’t tell him, Rae.“ Toast cuts her off, sounding uncharacteristically serious, especially when taken into account how hard he was laughing just a moment ago, “This is Corpse’s tale to tell, don’t spare him the shame of telling it one more time.“

And just when I thought this fucker would prove himself to be a true friend...

“Oof, this sounds serious...“ Sykkuno says to fill the silence I purposely let linger just so I don’t give these bullies the satisfaction of hearing my embarrassment all over again even though they inevitably will.

“It is...“ I sigh with a heavy heart, hiding my face in the palm of my hand, “It’s really bad and embarrassing and...I’d rather not retell it at all let alone for a second time, but here it goes...“ I inhale as much air as I can as a method of gaining confidence before I start talking, “So you know MGK and I made a song. Yeah well, we’re gonna be making a music video for it and I asked Rae to be in it. Thing is, I wanted to ask Y/N first. Buckle up, this is where it starts going downhill: ok so I went over to their place so we could just chit chat an marathon a few movies like we usually do over the weekends but I also wanted to bring up the whole ‘hey, wanna be in my music video’ thing but didn’t know how. Mind you, we were drinking beers this whole time, might’ve had a few too many actually. Ok, we definitely had a few too many, but back on track: as I was blabbering and stumbling over my words, nervous as all hell and unable to string the simple question inside my head, all Y/N did was tilt their head and smile at me. You know, the odd thing is it was a genuine smile, not a drunken grin like you’d expect from someone on their fourth beer bottle. And then, out of the blue, they had the audacity to hit me with: ‘You’re so cute’ and I just sat there frozen for a few seconds. I mean, my reaction was on point - who wouldn’t react like that if their crush told them they found them cute. Anyway - I was like ‘what?’ and then, out of an even bluer blue, they freaking kissed me. I nearly had a heart attack damn it!“

“And he never asked them to be in the DAYWALKER music video!“ Rae clearly couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“I didn’t get the time! I was out of there in the blink of an eye!“ I bark, feeling my face heating up with embarrassment and regret. God, I should never ask how stupid I can get because I keep surprising myself in the end with just how far my stupidity goes. It’s fucking insane.

“Oh God, poor Y/N.“ Sykkuno sighs, sounding only a tiny bit as though he’s about to laugh. I appreciate his self-control honestly, the rest of these fuckers were dying laughing as though our friends and my crush kissing me and me responding like I had an allergic reaction was the best joke to ever be told.

“Poor Y/N?“ I snap a little, “What about me?“

“Yeah, poor Y/N!“ Rae backs Sykkuno up, “Poor Y/N and poor me for the missed opportunity to me in a music video for a song of one of my best friends with another one of my best friends. Corpse, you better fix this!!“

“How?!“ I’m aware I sound desperate but I seriously wanna fix it just have no idea how to go about it. I mean, if this looney group of nine people over here don’t come up with a plan no one will so not all hope for me is dead just yet. Even if we all had only one braincell we’d still be able to figure it out - I mean, ten braincells ain’t as bad as it sounds. Truth be told, Y/N’s the real brain of the group and they’d most definitely be able to help me - so fuck the irony.

“Call them.“ Sykkuno suggests so casually as though it’s a no-brainer. I’d go as far as to say his nonchalance almost made me laugh. Has he forgotten who he’s talking to? 

“No way.“ I turn that down real quick, unable to even imagine the course of that phone call without cringing.

“No, Sykkuno’s right, call them right here right now. Ask them to star in the music video and then swerve the conversation to that kiss.“ Charlie’s suddenly decided to join the torturing being preformed upon me over here.

“What will I even say? I have no idea what to tell them!“ I complain, aware that I sound like a tantrum-throwing toddler but it’s really not my fault.

“Corpse. Corpse dear, listen to me, follow each word I say really carefully, ok?“ Rae asks, her voice now pitched as though she’s addressing an actual child. Yeah, that’s her well-known way of mocking me. “How about you say the actual fucking words. You know: ‘Hey Y/N, MGK and I are making a music video for DAYWALKER, wanna be in it?’“

I sigh, clearly defeated.

I pull out my phone, muttering to the crowd I’m about to speak in front of to be quiet as I put the ringing call on speaker, sweating like a pig the whole time. The room has risen in temperature and this hoodie has thickened, providing more warmth that’s more suffocating than comforting when it’s a hundred degrees outside. Or when I’m about to talk to my crush after THAT incident.

“Hello?“ Y/N’s voice on the other side rips me from my thoughts’ grasp, reminding me I’m on a mission.

“Hey Y/N, what’s up?“ I reply a little too quickly. Not giving them the time to reply with anything, I continue: “Hey Y/N, MGK and I are making a music video for DAYWALKER, wanna be in it?“

DAMN IT WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SAY IT WORD FOR WORD?!?!

“Oh....“ They sound confused - and rightfully so - but then regain their composure finally, “I-I’d love to. Thanks for the opportunity, Corpse. I’m so happy you’ve made it so far. I’d be honored to be in the music video.“

Ok, that’s partial relief. Now - time for the second phase of this plan

“Uh....“ and there goes my whole vocabulary out the window, “You’re welcome.“

“Cool...cool...“ they mutter awkwardly, clearly looking for a way to end the call, “Um, by the way...this is strictly professional, right?“

No! No it’s not! Of course it isn’t! I’ve been head over heels for you for a year now, damn it!

“Of course, o-of course it is. No worries.“ I reply, once again, a little too quickly. Faster than I could’ve prevented it.

“Ok cool...well, text me the details....“ They once again trail off, hoping I’ll catch the hint.

And so I succumb.

“Will do.“ I sigh, “See ya.“

“See ya.“ They reply and hang up.

I’m left there staring at my phone screen with utter self-disappointment and frustration that’s so intense I cannot even express it in any way.

The whole lobby is at a loss of words too - all nine of them astonished by my stupidity. Fortunately though, Charlie is quick to pull himself together and speak up because God forbid Charlie ever falls speechless, then we’d be SERIOUSLY in danger.

“Corpse. You. Are. The. Biggest. Fucking. Idiot.“

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[jasontoddssoulmate]

I made an account for the sole purpose of this TUA fic concept

I’m a sucker for those “the characters read the books/watch the series” fics and I’ve read a little for TUA but I just had the idea:

The Hargreeves kids watching the two seasons but instead of just the seven of them, their birth mothers are brought in to watch as well

Maybe have the birth mothers family (if they have any) watch it with them 

This happens before everything. Before Ben’s death, before Five’s disappearance, before they even have their names. The kids, One through Seven, are brought in. Maybe when they’re old enough to get the gist of what’s going on, but before they’re 13.

These 6 young women are brought in (because I adore that Luther and Five being twins is canon in the comics and I love the mention of it), and they’re confused because maybe The Umbrella Academy isn’t internationally well known so the kids are familiar but they can’t put the name to the face. Not until they introduce themselves, anyways, and suddenly they’re face to face with the baby that they gave away years ago.

Maybe a few of them regret it, maybe they tried to forget it, maybe they spend so much of their time thinking about it or maybe they’re overjoyed that their baby seems to be doing so well. 

But their names. 

There’s just so much about them that doesn’t feel,,, so right? Maybe that’s not the word for it but they’re too polite sometimes, their casually cruel treatment towards their sister isn’t normal and the way that they simultaneously act entitled and inferior towards each other isn’t suppose to be as normal as the kids make it out to be. 

All in all, the women are confused and maybe a bit wary of their casual usage of powers among each other that’s normal to the siblings as much as it is abnormal to the birth mothers. 

But communication is easy since each child learned their own mother language as well as the language of their siblings birth place and then some which only seems to remind the women that holy shit these kids are technically rich because of their father

The Hargreeves though? They’re confused and wary as hell. They may not have been introduced as The Inaugural Class of The Umbrella Academy yet (or maybe they have considering what your timeline is) but they’ve been training for most of their life and the situation is baffling. Here are these random people that they’ve never met before (at least to their knowledge) and they’ve never had to go outside to interact with others, not really at least. 

So it makes sense that they go for polite but threatening. They maybe decide unanimously that the weaker willed ones like Four, Six and Seven are discreetly protected behind their older (in spirit) siblings, One, Two, Three and Five. 

But they’re no real threat, its obvious in the way that the Hispanic woman uses such an endearing term like “mijo/a” and the way that the Russian woman has an ever present smile on her face and such a sweet disposition that reminds them of their littlest sibling and hey her eyes look just like Seven 

So after a while, they’re more open to being relaxed. Not Five though, he’s always been just a little paranoid and being a 58-year-old in a 13-year-old body never had anything to do with it. So he’s got a harsh personality but the Danish woman doesn’t seem to be deterred. He kind of reminds her of her older twin brother who acts so harshly, but who she knows loves her so much.  

So here are 7 siblings and 6 women and maybe family that was there for the women when they needed them the most. And maybe the person(s) behind this decide to be kept anonymous but they oh so want the children to get to know what being cared for is like. Maybe these women get to know the consequences of their actions or the children learn that the one who birthed them had their reasons. And it’s no excuse but it’s also not their fault. Both parties should be able to feel what they feel because it’s a complicated and maybe painful situation. 

The children lose their respect for their father every episode. Even One, who they all know cherished the favoritism but it doesn’t get in the way of his horror when he finds out that he used to lock Four in the mausoleum, still does if the flashbacks are anything to go by because not Four, not the kindest and brightest of their siblings. 

And when they learn of Seven’s powers and the reason why they are never present, they are understandably upset. They feel rage and disbelief that she had such a crucial part of herself ripped away at such a young age, because they know that their powers are like another limb. They’re born with it and they grow up with it and they were able to live their life with it so they feel rage. Rage that Seven had been so violated. Rage that the Seven they know isn’t really the Seven she was suppose to grow up to be. The Seven they knew as toddlers was sweet towards them but had a mean protective streak a mile wide that could never be controlled, not even by their father. The Seven they know now is so meek and desperate for attention. The Russian woman looks the most devastated as she thinks of the baby girl she got to hold for only a few hours before she was whisked away by a rich old man who is turning out to be the monster that one often hears about in television. 

But the women? They watch as the children in front of them, maybe a little damaged and emotionally constipated but so obviously protective and caring for each other, grow to be the grow ups in the screen above them that grow up and grow apart after so much tragedy. 

They watch as seven eventually becomes five. 

How Luther is sent to isolation for years and he goes along with it in a bid to continue to please their father.

How Diego continues to rebel because he wasn’t able to growing up but also maybe because he wants to spite his father, no matter how much he protests that he could care less what his father thinks.

How Allison goes through a divorce and loses her parental rights to even see her daughter due to her dependence of her powers that leaves her devastated. 

How Klaus is an addict who desperately wishes to get rid of the ghosts that have followed him all his life. 

How Five disappears only a little while after their current timeline.

How Ben was brutally killed by his own powers, never getting to grow up and become his own person. 

How Vanya can’t seem to do anything but go through the motions of her life, maybe having a little hope that she’ll be seen this time around, but is quickly squashed from Diego’s disparaging comments and the casual dismissal of her from her living siblings. 

They watch all this, and feel sadness and rightful anger that their babies lead the life of ex-child superheroes. The life of abused children. The life of children who had only each other. 

But was it really enough? Was it enough to know that they loved each other but had a hard time showing it and owning up to it due to fear of their father? Due to the constant comparisons and the way Sir Reginald had them turn on each other. 

But they knew it was enough. They see it in how Diego waits for Klaus to drive him around even after he had expresses annoyance beforehand, in the joy on Allison’s face when she sees Klaus again after so long, in how Five makes sure to check up on Klaus after his kidnapping, on Luther’s face when he apologizes to Vanya after realizing his own misgivings, in Ben’s task of continuing to follow his brother around even when it pains him and in Klaus trying to comfort Luther after he finds the unopened correspondents. They see it in the support they show Vanya as she goes to check on Harlan.

It had to be enough to know that after all they went through, they still care for one another and at the end of the day, would protect one another just as they were as One through Seven. 

So they watch what would be the Hargreeve’s kids misadventures, they watch as they grow together and grow apart just to grow together again, much stronger than before. 

They express sadness and disbelief when they see where Five ends up, they get mad when Leonard throws Vanya’s pills away, they grieve when they learn that Ben is dead, they’re embarrassed but find it hilarious whenever Klaus cracks an inappropriate joke, they become protective when there’s allusion to Vanya having sex, and are rightfully ready to throw down with Leonard as they watch their littlest sibling get gaslit into believing her family hates her as he nitpicks all of her interactions with her family. 

But just as they express their feelings over what happens to their family, they feel an immense amount of exasperation towards their older selves because so much could be fixed if they only talked to each other. 

They watch and despair over the missed opportunity that is Leonard in the same house as them just as they find out what his role is in the apocalypse.

Four tears up as he watched Klaus and Dave’s reunion be undone after all the heartache. 

Seven cringes when Vanya dismisses Five’s claims that he had been stuck in an apocalyptic wasteland and suggests that he’s gone crazy after his stint with time travel. 

Three feels her heart drop to her stomach as the flashback shows what becomes the moment that she faces the hard truth that come with her use of her powers.

Five feels himself flush in embarrassment as he watched two version of himself in the future, one that looks not much older than he does currently, go through paradox psychosis. 

Six feels frustration and a fierce grief that leaves him confused because he’s still alive he’s not dead, but I don’t have much longer. 

One feels horror as he watches himself hurt his siblings one after the other with a sense of helplessness because this isn’t me, I wouldn’t do this but I already did, why would I hurt my siblings, I’m Number One I have to be the one who protects them- 

The women, on the other hand, see themselves in their children. 

The French woman sees how her daughter and granddaughter, it seems, both look like a carbon copy of herself and her own mother. 

The Danish woman sees herself and her twin brother in Luther and Five. Sees her own personality reflected in Luther and her brothers personality in Five. Sees how her twins care just as much for each other and their siblings as herself and her brother do each other.

The Hispanic woman sees Diego’s fierce sense of justice that leaves others in the dust, and sees herself as she fought to keep her boy but ultimately lost him just as Diego loses Eudora. She thinks to herself like mother like son and bitterly laughs to herself but she’s so grateful that Diego had a mother who cared for him just as she cared for him because she often though about him and always made sure to commemorate his birthday. 

The German woman can’t help but see herself in her boy. Can’t help but see her little brother in him. Can’t help but see her older brother in him. Because Klaus is so joyful but he hides his pain behind a mask like her younger brother, he’s so loving towards his siblings like her older brother, and so nonsensical like herself. So like herself, down to the curly hair and the addiction. Even if she was able to overcome it with support from her family, it pains her and leaves her in despair to see Klaus and can’t find fault in those he had around him because she sees how much they try and sees how hard the Hargreeves find expressing emotion is to others. 

The Asian woman sees how sweet and shy her youngest is and thinks only of her oldest, who reminds her so much of him and can only despair in seeing that he didn’t live as long as her oldest had. She can only ask herself why her children don’t seem to be able to see themselves to adulthood but can only be grateful that even in death he has someone with him.

The Russian woman knows that her husband sees her in little number Seven, in Vanya, no matter how little that is. Maybe their personalities aren’t so similar because Seven is shy but she’s got the sweetest heart and so clearly loves her siblings. She has the same smile that she has and her little doe eyes remind her of herself when she was younger. She’s so small next to her siblings, just like herself. 

So they see themselves in these kids, these grown ups. But so do the Hargreeves. 

They see how Luther looks like what the Danish woman would look like as a man and how Five looks exactly like a younger version of the Danish man who introduced himself as the woman's older brother. 

They see how Two has the same skin tone and facial structure as the Hispanic woman. 

They see that Allison looks exactly like the French woman and see the same in Claire. 

They see Four’s curly hair and slim build in the German woman. 

They notice how Six shares the same dark hair and lower facial features. 

They see Seven’s eyes and smile and short stature in the Russian woman. 

So maybe they don’t know them well enough to see what the women see, but they grow to see it overtime because they spend so much time there, in this suspended room in time.

The women insist on getting to know them and vice versa. They insist that they have to talk about their feelings and assure them or gently scold them, depending on the reason, for what they feel because god do these children need to learn how to talk more about their emotions in a healthy way.

They get closer to the children and start to really see their childish side. They all fight over the silliest things, and become pouty when attention isn’t being drawn over to them. They crave physical affection, even Five who won’t admit that his maternal uncle patting him and One of the head made him feel all gooey inside. They make faces towards foods that they don’t like and still prefer junk food over real food. 

So maybe it’s harder to let themselves act like children because they’re being conditioned to not “be childish” but even then they have their lapses in control. Four enters a state of panic after being reminded of his time in the mausoleum. One feels overwhelming guilt when he sees how Luther hurts Klaus and reminds himself that he’s the one that needs to protect them, as the leader and self proclaimed older sibling. Five feels himself cry for the first time in a long while when he sees how his siblings act towards him in the future and realize it hurts him deeply because he knows that he’s messed up their lives a lot but can’t they see that he only want to keep them alive, he doesn’t want to see them die again, he can’t-

But instead of being shamed into controlling their emotions, they are comforted and reassured. Four’s birth mother helps ground him and counts his breathing with him to keep him from falling further into his panic. One get’s reassured by his birth mother that his future self isn’t his current self. That everyone in the room has seen just how much he cares for his siblings and knows he would do anything for them. The twins uncle gives into his urge and hugs Five, whispering in a hushed tone that it’s okay to cry, to let it all out. He whispers that his older siblings are being idiots and if they knew just how much their actions were hurting you, they wouldn’t hesitate to apologize and hug you too. His words only make Five cry harder. 

So they are cared for and allowed to be themselves fully and can be childish to their hearts content. And their birth families watch on in amazement and adoration. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have so much more that I’ll probably add later, but basically I want them to be cared for, allowed to care for each other and learn to express themselves better. I want to see them get to have a good relationship with an adult and if possible their birth mothers. 

Pls share links and stuff if you get inspired, I’m not much for writing fanfic but I really do want to see something like this. I’d read the shit out of it. I have so much more that I want to add but I’ll probably do something about it later. 

[yan-twst]

Can I request yandere prompt 11 for Jamil?

prompt 11: “feeling dizzy? well, it’s too late to realize: you already ingested what i slipped in your drink.” 

warnings: general yandere themes, drugs, alcohol

Jamil usually helped with the meal prep at Scarabia- it was part of his duties as the vice dorm leader, and it was clear everyone enjoyed his meals. Perhaps that was the reason why he continued to cook even after Kalim declared he no longer had to act as a servant to him: it gave him a small sense of pride, to know his skills were so widely appreciated.

Also, being on cooking duty meant he got to work with them.

Before, Jamil would have just bitterly ignored all thoughts of love; who’d want to be with someone from the Viper family, whose entire existence is one of servitude and being in the shadows of the Asims? But even so, he had fallen in love with a fellow Scarabia dorm member. He was positively obsessed with them, thoughts of them clouding his logical thinking at any and all moments of the day- he wanted them. 

Perhaps it had to do with his temper becoming so corroded and jaded due to harboring so many negative feelings in secret for so long, or because he desperately craved to have something precious to call his, but at the end of the day, Jamil’s crush had grown into a monstrous, dark obsession he kept tucked away.

His beloved always signed up for kitchen duties, preferring that work than other dorm chores. There was no rule that forbade a Scarabia student from switching chores with another, so they always managed to trade their other chores for meal prep. Which meant that Jamil got to share the kitchen with them often. Often enough that they’d grown to trust him, even after his overblotting incident and after everyone had seen his true colors.

It should have overjoyed Jamil- the one he loves believes in him! His beloved grows closer to him everyday! But...

“Ah, Jamil, can you pass me the thyme? Kalim mentioned he’d like manakeesh for dinner today, so I thought I’d make some with a recipe from the library.” they said, and Jamil’s grip on the knife he was using tightened.

Kalim this, Kalim that- this was hell on earth. Even though Jamil had demonstrated to be superior to the white-haired brat in every sense, his beloved seemed to still be very chummy with Kalim. In fact, it made Jamil’s blood boil: since he was no longer helping Kalim with everything, it almost seemed like his beloved had taken pity on the heir and offered to help him out. Seeing the one he loved carefully applying Kalim’s eyeshadow, patiently explaining class topics Kalim didn’t understand: what did Kalim ever do to deserve that attention?! Didn’t the spoiled heir have enough already?! Why must he take Jamil’s beloved too?

“... Sure, here you go.” Jamil said, pausing his chopping and passing a bundle of dried thyme to the fellow scarabia student. He felt like he was back in the old days of pretending to be fine as a servant, putting his all into modulating the rage out of his voice. “The spice grinder should be somewhere in the cabinets.”

Jamil hated it. He hated how at dinner, Kalim cheered for the one he loved as they brought out the manakeesh they’d made for him specially. He hated how they sat next to him and smiled- how every student seemed to get along with the one he loved. He finished his meal quickly and left to his quarters, locking the door as he flopped onto the bed. There laid a shirt he’d... Borrowed from his beloved (hey, he was on laundry duty and they never asked for it back!), and he held it close to his face as he sighed. It didn’t smell like them; it’d been washed, the scent of detergent lingering in the fabric, and it was only slightly disappointing to him.

He clutched the stolen shirt tightly, desperately wishing it had his darling’s scent. Their scent, their voice, their hair- gods, he loved all of them. How couldn’t they see he was the best choice for a lover? He was one of the smartest students in NRC, his skills were honed from years of training, he could protect his darling better than anyone else! Sure, he didn’t have the riches, but- surely, someone like him would climb up in life easily, right? Unlike Kalim, who liked pretty things and lost interest soon, his love was genuine! He loved his darling; every part of them, even the ones they tried to hide (and he knew of those very well- from snooping around their room while they were away or watching them from afar). So why- WHY didn’t they act as caring towards him?

The dark voice inside Jamil’s head telling him to just take what was rightfully his grew louder every day. Every time he saw his beloved smiling with others, every time he saw them blush at Kalim’s stupid and accidentally flirtatious words, his jealousy grew and fed into the dark desires in his heart. Does he not remember the story? Of how the Sorcerer of the Sands knocked down the phony fake prince? Of how the princess had been so desperately in love with the fake prince, until the Sorcerer of the Sands showed he was a sham? And... Had he forgotten the rumours of how the princess blindly refused the Sorcerer because she’d been fooled by the prince- until he forced her by his side and she finally understood that HE was the best option for her...? 

Having overblotted once, Jamil knew he had to be careful about gathering so much negative emotions- who knew if his body could really take a second overblot in such a time period. Luckily, his magic crystal didn’t show any signs of blot buildup; despite nursing his increasingly twisted and dark desires, he wasn’t abusing his magic. It was a pain: it’d be so easy to hypnotize people in order to drive his darling to him, but... He knew abusing his unique magic to get what he wanted wouldn’t work a second time.

His patience ran thin with every passing day where his romantic advances were seemingly ignored by his darling, who clearly seemed to treat him merely as a “friend”. Every laugh that wasn’t directed at him, every smile shown to another man, and every nervous blush aimed at Kalim, of all people did nothing but feed the nefarious impulses in Jamil’s head- until they snapped.

He’ll take what’s his. If being a charming person wouldn’t work, then perhaps he’d use the knowledge imparted on his family to take what he wanted.

“Hey, can I bother you for a second?” it was after dinner, and mostly everyone had left. Jamil had volunteered to clean the table, and his beloved had offered their help too- it was just the two of them now, finishing up the job. “My parents sent me a little bit of arak to celebrate my latest test grades. It’s a bit too much for just me, so I was wondering if you’d like to taste it?”

“...! I, well- isn’t that alcohol? Won’t you get in trouble for that?” his darling stared at him with wide, curious eyes. Jamil chuckled- of course they’d be the type to worry over that.

“It’s not strong at all, relax. Besides, if alcohol was a problem, Kalim’s parties would have been shut down long ago.” he said. It was well-known that in some of Scarabia’s rowdiest parties, the devil’s juice got around a bit too much  amongst the teenagers; it was just a fact of life for Scarabia. Besides, he knew that the promise of a little forbidden fun would tempt his darling; something as innocent as a drink, but still holding the thrill of it not being allowed... Judging by the sparkle in his beloved’s eyes, he knew he’d caught them.

“I guess you’re right! Well, I mean... One drink can’t hurt, right? It’s Friday, and...” they said, clearly calculating. “Wait, but isn’t that something your parents sent for you? I’d feel really shitty if I was drinking from a gift that they sent you-”

“They told me to share with a friend.” said Jamil, putting on his most charming smile. “I’d like to share with you. You’re always helping out in the kitchen- plus, I know you’re keeping Kalim from being a complete mess by himself.”

He didn’t particularly mean the last part, but he knew it’d work to fluster his beloved a bit. The praise worked, and their cheeks blushed slightly- Jamil’s heart fluttered. Not yet, he can’t show his love quite yet. Still, he was giddy as he led his darling to his room, locking the door behind him under the guise of “avoiding being caught”. His darling sat down on the neatly made bed, and Jamil retrieved a bottle from his desk drawer.

“Woah, it’s fancy...” said his darling, looking at the beautiful blue bottle. Jamil nodded- it... Really wasn’t. In truth, he’d bought it at the market a few days ago to use for this specific purpose- the lie about his family sending it was merely to make his beloved feel more special. He retrieved two glasses he’d been holding in his drawer as well. 

He prepared the drinks with some water from a bottle, and ice he conjured, the more advanced magic making his darling’s eyes widen. Handing the chilled glass to his darling and keeping one for himself, he sat down on the bed close to his beloved.

“Cheers,” he said with a smile. He could see his darling eyeing the whiteish liquor- had they not drank before, perhaps? But before he could encourage them to down it, they seemed to have a surge of courage and took a sip. They grimaced for a second, unused to the taste of alcohol, but quickly downed their drink.

“You liked it, huh?” said Jamil. Perhaps he should’ve added something to make the drink sweeter; it was bound to be a bit more bitter than usual, considering the circumstances, but... Well, his darling had drunk their glass, so all was good.

“It’s a bit odd, but... It’s nice! Your parents are certainly unique for sending you this as a celebration.” they said with a smile. “It’s... kinda odd...? But itsh... tasty...”

They blinked a couple times, noticing their own speech slur. Was it- was it that strong? Jamil had said it wasn’t but... Judging from how their vision was blurring slightly as they looked from the glass and back to Jamil, perhaps they were being affected a bit too much? Their head was spinning, and it felt like a certain sort of induced drowsiness was filling their head with cotton. Something was up.

“W-well.. Thankss for th.. the drinks, ‘Mil!” they said, slurred voice betraying their internal panic. “I gotta... Gotta get to m’room... Good night...”

Stumbling up, they tried to make their way to the door. Jamil observed with a dark smile, not saying anything as his darling tripped and stumbled until they got to the door, clumsy hands attempting to turn the doorknob to no avail. It was locked- they quickly realized that as their attempts grew more frenetic, looking back at Jamil with slight panic.

“J-jamil...? I wanna go to my room...” they said, eyes flickering nervously. Finally, Jamil just laughed, putting down his untouched glass of liquor on the nightstand as he made his way over to his beloved.

Strong arms pinned their dazed body to the door with ease, as his darling reeled from the sudden movement. They were scared, Jamil could tell- it was evident, even as their eyes were clouded and hazy. But... He was sure even the princes was scared of the Sorcerer at first, right? It took a while for him to show her that he was the best option... With those thoughts in mind, his hand moved to caress his darling’s warm cheeks, as he chuckled.

“Feeling dizzy? Well, it’s too late to realize: you already ingested what I slipped in your drink.” he said, thumb caressing their cheek as their panicked face blossomed into a deeper fear, uselessly and drunkenly struggling against his grip. “I’ve decided I’ll show you what’s best for you- so you won’t ever be stupidly laughing along with Kalim or any of those idiots. You’ll be with me.”

[ihopethisendswell]

My Computer Is Terrible So I'm Stating My Story Ideas Here Part 10: The Part 2 of the other Part

So so so

Part 2 of the other part which is part 9 and this is part 10 so it's a sequel part

Okay okay okay

Here we go!

Going full ramble again! You have been warned!

So right now Leon, Sonia and Raihan aren't on the best terms after their Big Fight™

So except some back handed insults now and again.

And soon they get to the point where they're just tearing at each other

But not yet

That's for later :)

But they still have to co-op to together if they want to save their kingdom

So yeah they're pretty sour at the moment

They eventually reach the sea side where the ordered(?) a ship to reach to Eternatus. Cause it's on a isolated island

And the ship captain is none other than Nessa, the most feared captain of them all.

She takes after her cousin Archie

Yes I'm making them cousins in this Au fight me

She is often called The Siren given her beauty and deadliness

So why would she be the one to help a royal like Leon

Well she was the only one willing to go and Leon had to pay a lot to get her to cooperate so-

Yeah

But you'll never guess who else is one the ship

Hop and co!

The only reason they're even on I'd because Piers is friends with Nessa

They go way back

So it's like a favour or something

Now Hop didn't know that Leon was going on this specific ship

So you could imagine the reunion

Leon isn't happy btw

Bede is being smug about it like " I told you so" but Marnie shuts him up

Piers tries to defend Hop which honestly cause Leon to relent

So now not only Sonia is with them, but now three teenagers and a thief( I decided to make Piers the head of a big thieves guild....and possibly former duke?)

Which is just so many casualties

This is the part where we really drive home that Leon has this unhealthy way of thinking that he has to take care of everything as king.

This as always been a thing, since his parents died and Rose ( unintentional or not) telling him that everything is on him, and only him.

He didn't even want Raihan to come since he feared how would get hurt or worse

But Raihan is a strong fighter, the best in the kingdom so he can count on him

But Sonia? Sonia quitted becoming a knight a long time ago. She may know the basics but she can't really hold her own

At least that what he thinks

And now his precious little brother is one the same ship with him plus Roses mentor and two thieves( though they do seem chill)

He can't risk them getting hurt. He can't

But we don't have time to unpack all of that!

Cause ya wanna know who else is on the ship? Alexis and co! Boom!

But they actually snuck on because they heard this ship was going where they needed to go to save Naomi and honesty they rather not pay so-

Sneaking it is! Though it's hard cause N is very tall and green hair is quite noticable

But they manage

Until Alexis hears Hop trying to explain why he's on the ship in the first place

And he mentions word of a girl named Naomi

Who is his cousin( I should mention that in Alexis' and Elliot's dream Naomi tells them her name for reference)

Tis triggers something in Alexis and causes his powers to go haywire

Causing him to expose himself and the other two

And everyone is about to attack him cause he's an intruder

And Elliot gets defensive cause " that's my brother you fuckers!"

And N is trying to calm the situation down ( as a means to not get anyone hurt and to atone for his actions as a former prince)

Then Leon is like " wait your the guy from the market!" And before Alexis can respond his powers end up sparking a lot which causes him to double over in pain

And by this point Elliot is panicking cause her brother could possibly die

N is trying to heal him but him alone isn't enough

Then Bede says he could help!

And it's revealed that the boy is half fae!!! Since his hair covered up his ears most of the time!!!

He was told to repress his fae side by Rose in fear of getting hurt( and that having a fae would cause some chaos that he can't control and Rose must have control over thingd to make sure things are good)

So Bede and N heal him, Bede being half fae REALLY helps

So much so that it seems that whenever Alexis uses his powers they don't hurt him as much as it did before

Which is cool and all but he can't really in a child forever that would be wrong

So for now it's a temporary solution

Now everyone is a bit calm now, minus the million questions that Hop and Sonia is asking Alexis

Eventually the two parties( Alexis and Hop) spill they're story and when Alexis confirms that Naomi is very much real Hop is overjoyed and is like " See!!! I told you!! I told you she was real!!!" And everyone rightfully apologizes to Hop

Honestly the revelation that Naomi is in fact real made is already terrible mental state worse cause that means he's been discouraging his little brother for so long and he starts going through what Alexis went through in game canon as " What if I was a better brother,"

And Nessa is over here a bit annoyed that there's a bunch more people than expected but Leon reassures her that they'll pay more and Sonia suggest that they'll work on the ship as well and Nessa ain't complaining to that!( Especially because one of them is a cute red head)

So now bonding time!

Leon, Raihan and Sonia still aren't on the best terms

In fact they've been avoiding each other a lot

They're all stubborn

Though they do miss each other a lot

Hop and Sonia bombard Alexis with questions that he honestly doesn't know the answer to

Elliot is a bit of flirt, flirting with both Nessa and Sonia

She managed to get Nessa flustered at some point and will never live it down

But then she notices that the two of them have a connection and she's like " oh I see" and she's not even mad about cause that just means she has more victims to tease endlessly

Which also somehow worked into them getting together but that's for later

Marnie forces to Bede and Hop to talk out they're issues cause she's grown tired of it, and they do and reach a better understanding of each other

Hop the tells them about Naomi and about his dreams

They take it the wrong way, because of course they do, but he assures them that he only see's her as a friend.

Marnie is shown to be the most curious about who Naomi is.

Raihan and Piers start to bond

Piers was a former duke of a failing/dying nation(? Idk what to call it) and had to resort to thievery the keep things a float. Hence meeting Nessa

He doesn't hate Leon by any means but is always ready to point out his privileged lifestyle before bonding with Leon himself as older brothers

He also bonds with Alexis and Elliot for their mutual love for music

This is where the shipping starts

Alexis and Leon haven't properly interacted before this point. It's mostly small talk

But! Leon has always been fascinated by Alexis, given his tendency to keep to himself and his curse

So one night on deck Leon wakes up( woke up from a nightmare of loosing everyone. Y'know. The usual) and was about to go back to bed when he hears singing

At first he thought it was Piers,as he's known to sing and they've all heard him sing before BUT!

When he listens closely he realizes that it's not Piers

So he goes out to investigate

And it's revealed to be Alexis!!!

And his voice is so beautiful!!!

It's a contrast to his speaking voice , while still quite, his singing voice is more softer and smooth.

His singing voice is much more sadder than his usual stoic monotone voice

And Leon is completely enamored.

Not to mention that Alexis isn't wearing his cloak that covers the majority his body, so this is the first time Leon has gotten a clear view of him and

The man is , mm, I would say infatuated. A small crush begins to form

Alexis' song is a sad one

He sings about the pain he's going through and how he wishes he didn't involve those he cares about

Which really spoke to Leon. Like a lot

Because parelles babeyyyy

But when Alexis notices Leon's snooping he calls him out, pretty embarrassed

Cause the only person he ever sang in front of is Elliot, Cheren, Bianca and his parents

So having Leon there, a stranger,is embarrassing

Not to mention that he's not very proud of his appearance via the curse

He's been called a monster by someone on the ship prior and while Nessa was quick to snap at that person it still took a blow to his already low self-confidence

Leon begs to differ but he doesn't know that, and even if he did it's more of a him thing that he needs to get over .

After a quick back and forth they end up talking and just....spilling everything

Alexis talks about his time as a chosen one, his battle with Ghetsis, his scar his curse, and especially his want to do this alone to protect others

While Leon talks about his fight with Raihan and Sonia, the disconnect between the three, how he feels like an awful older brother to Hop, the pressure if being a king after his parents, the guilt he feels for dragging everyone into this mess

Both of them don't know why they're saying this. They're both pretty secretive about how they truly feel, but it's incredibly late, and the two are in a vulnerable spot so it kinda just comes out

After a while they both go to bed with a strange but welcomed friendship!

I just wanna say, if I ever do write this, it's not gonna be entirely romance focused.

The ships will be there, but like, the amount of character set-up I did prior demands a lot more attention soooooo

Especially with Sonia, Raihan and Leon's whole conflict!

I hope I didn't misrepresent their characters here!

But yeah

This got very long very fast so part 3 is in order!

TDLR: Leon and Alexis needs a hug, and I feel like this is going to be a series within a series

[jenovahh]

KYKM - 14 Months, 24 1/2 Days

Let it never be said, that Zenos yae Galvus, Garlean Hunter, Prince of Garlemald, never feared for a life not his own.

Let it never be said, that he would never put his own life on the line for another.

Let it never be said...

That Zenos did not love you, the Warrior of Light.

Loved you so much, that he had obliterated a group of enemies with one swipe of his sword, ignoring the blazing city around him. Soot and smoke filled his lungs, but these scents were not unfamiliar. Not to a conqueror. 

In fact he reveled in it, completely unfazed by his grandsire’s showcase of his world as it was when it fell apart. He has enough tact not to show it however, seeing the anguish written on your face, watching as buildings collapse and the world around you burns itself to the ground.

He stays close.

He doesn’t leave your side as you trudge forward through each doom Emet-Selch puts before you, lending you his strength in the form of his raw power. He has the energy to spare after using so little of it during his time on the First. It feels good to stretch his muscles and sense his grandsire’s annoyance at him blazing through his trials with ease. Zenos considers it the first of many punishments he will exact on his grandsire for hurting you so.

There’s a strange satisfaction in the active desire to hurt someone. He had not felt this way since his training days of his childhood, the one who lit that fire in him to surpass all. This was...different somehow. He had wanted to kill his instructor as a show of strength. A show of superiority, to figure out the puzzle of his master’s strength. Now, he only sought out his grandsire in order to end his wretched existence for hurting you so.

Somehow, the desire of ending his grandsire’s life for your sake seemed far more rewarding.

Is this what they called a purpose?

“It burns.” He hears you rasp, eyes stinging with tears from the smoke or perhaps your own sadness. Maybe both. “Why do I...why do I feel so...”

“We are nearing our goal, Warrior. You must persevere a bit longer.” He urges, encourages, for you have already done so much for him. The least he could do is bolster you in this time as your body, your very soul is threatening to burst at the seams. Your hand is clasped in his own as you are transported to the heavens, looking upon the star itself as it burns. The Scions are following close behind, unwilling to be left in the dust as you two press onward.

“Well, well...you prevailed...”

Zenos’ eyes narrow as his grandsire appears from the aether, looking as bored as ever. His eyes roam across the group, judging, surveying.

Zenos is in front of you before Emet-Selch can even lift his arm, a rush of power assaulting the group, buffeting against his body. So strong is it that even he clenches his jaw as he bears the brunt of it, the Scions falling to the ground in a heap behind him.

“Your performance was underwhelming, and I remain unconvinced of your worthiness.” He drones, superiority dripping from each syllable. Emet-Selch’s eyes focus on him, lips curling into a wry smile. “And you, my dear boy...not that I had ever been around you much to begin with, I’m sure even your father would be shocked to see a monster like yourself doing something as selfless as shielding another with your own body.” He pauses to scoff bitterly. “You must be overjoyed, knowing that your precious love will turn into something just as monstrous as you.”

He doesn’t allow himself to be riled by his words, far too used to the political arenas of Garlemald. “You say that as if it’s a thing to be ashamed of.” He counters, finally drawing his sword. 

“Zenos wait,” He hears you plead, but he holds out his arm to keep you behind him. Before he can turn to speak, Alisaie rushes past him, rapier drawn as she aims straight for Emet-Selch. She’s stopped by a barrier of his making, not even bothering to lift his arms as she bears her full might against him. 

“Our worlds may not live up to your lofty standards...” She snarls, voice suffused with emotion. “But they are our worlds! Our homes! Full of life and love and hope!” She swipes at him once more, “And we won’t stand by and let you destroy them!”

With a single arm, Emet-Selch sends her flying, Alphinaud crying out to rush to his sister’s side. The paragon crosses his arms, looking down from his nose at the fallen girl. “You are a mistake.”

“For we who have known perfection, the shattered Source and these shards are ghastly mockeries of the true world.” He grins at the group, golden eyes gleaming. “The ephemeral lives you exalt are pale imitations, utterly devoid of meaning.”

Zenos prepares to strike, but he feels you brush his arm, clinging tight to his sleeve as you pull yourself up. Your eyes burn brightly with indignation, determination, the will to fight.

“Fool. Who are you? No one. Nothing.” Emet-Selch seethes, lips curled in a smug smile. “Once I have reclaimed my heritage, my first act will be to expunge your stain from history’s weave.” He takes a deep breath, eyebrows furrowed as you slowly drag yourself toward him. “My world will have no need for heroes.”

“Emet-Selch...” You breathe, slowly taking steps toward him.

“Still fighting the good fight...” He drawls, shrugging his shoulders. “Why do you press on...? Weary wanderer-- you’ve no fight left to fight! No life left to live!” He taunts, only driving Zenos’ ire higher as you continue to trudge toward his grandsire. “Don’t tell me; do you envision a life with that boy? Once again ready to strike down the villain, save the day, and live your wretched life in contentment?!” He nearly roars, power filling the area.

“Emet-Selch...” you repeat pleadingly, before you cry out in pain, light shining from beneath your skin. “Warrior!” Zenos calls as he rushes to you, arms rushing to keep you upright.

Emet-Selch cackles loudly, palms outstretched. “You see! The Light will not be denied! Surrender to your fate, and let the transformation take you! Rise up in madness and fury! Devour the vermin infesting the land which is rightfully ours!”

Thancred launches himself overhead the two of you, striking hard at Emet-Selch’s barrier. “Now Ryne-- now!” He shouts, growling as he fights against the Ascian’s might. He hears Ryne’s fumbling footsteps as she struggles to run toward your prone form, Zenos’ watching her approach until instinct prickles down his neck. Quickly, he turns his head to see Thancred be flung away from Emet-Selch, the older man falling to the ground like the rest. With a wave of his hand, he watches at Emet-Selch flings an attack...straight for Ryne.

“Foolish girl!” He curses underneath his breath, quickly snagging Ryne by the arm, shielding her with his body. The pain is instant as the attack hits; he can feel blood slowly trickling from the wound beneath his clothing.

The one time I forgo armor...

He collapses to one knee, ignoring the distant laughter of Emet-Selch in the background. He can hear cries of his name from Ryne as he slowly crumples to the floor, snarling at his own weakness. What made him jump in front of this girl?

“Zenos!”

Don’t say his name like that. Not again.

“Zenos please,”

“Don’t look at me like that.” He spits, reaching a hand to your tear stained face. There he goes. Making you cry. 

Again.

You crumple atop him, sobbing into his chest, even as your own soul is falling apart. The fire within your eyes now sputters, in danger from being snuffed out in the tide of your helplessness. Your hopelessness. You must not give in. He did not come this far to see you give up.

“Will you let it end here Warrior?” He rasps through the pain. His grandsire’s magic must truly be powerful to wound him so. “The outcome you desire...will you let it die here?” Your body is shaking above him, both in sorrow and in pain as the light slowly overwhelms you. It cannot end like this.

You cannot end like this.

“Hear me hero.” He reaches a hand to your face, jerking your face to stare hard into your eyes. “Endure. Survive. Live.” He snarls, grinning as he sees that spark in your eye. “For the rush of blood, for the time between the seconds--live.” He continues, watching as the spark turns into a full on blaze, your body glowing with light.

“For the sole pleasure left to me in this empty, ephemeral world,” he growls, watching as you slowly stand to your feet. There’s a shift of energy, your body no longer hunched over in pain as the Light fights to over take your soul. You stand tall above him, staring down the Paragon whose face is twisted in outrage, fists clenched at your sides.

“Live.”

[mister-maiden]

Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night. A love letter to metroidvanias

Betcha thought I was gone.

Guess again, Cultists.

From the faint sound of a piano in the background to the delicious plates of meat and apples hidden in the walls, Bloodstained just screamed Castlevania at me and I simply couldn't be more overjoyed. Just..UGHHNN man, this game scratched a certain itch that was lingering on the tailbone of a mildly neglected butt that is my Castlevania pants. And man this just DID it for me.

For starters. The graphics are absolutely stunning in most areas. From your roaring ships on the seas to your books flying from the walls. Nothing ever seemed out of place for its unique animation style. The only game I could really say it reminded me of was Castlevania: Symphony of the night.

It has this gorgeous atmosphere to it of Victorian style that played throughout the game, throwing a twist to every trope it could find. Water areas, fire areas, gearpunk are- you get the shebang. It's a wonderful adventure...however, this could be seen as a bad thing.

Several rooms made me feel like I was just...*going through* them you know? As in there was simply absolutely no substance to it besides having it be a room for a mid-weak level enemy. This made it worse having to go back and farm enemies for certain items and drops...Looking at you Dragon Eggs and Beast Milk...though honestly, this gripe may just be due to my personal tastes. Though this can be easily avoided if you use Johannes the alchemist to destroy certain items for their components...but this is hella expensive.

Speaking of ememies!...um...Well yeah.

Bosses were cool! Well. Some bosses. Half of the bosses made me feel like I was just smashing the attack button and standing in one place while the better bossfights forced me to change my playstyle, spells, hell even my equipment. They did a great job with the bosses that interacted with my own placement, but did a poor job with bosses that could be beaten without even moving.

There are many enemies as well. Several I recognized. The walking grunts that walk at you viciously. The giant that does tons of damage but is easy to read and dodge, the smalll....ANNOYING ENEMIES THAT DO DAMAGE AND ARE IS NIGH EKEHRJ-

The enemies were nicely done. All with their own weaknesses and strengths according to the abilities and weapons you used. A small enemy could be dispatched quickly through a broad stroke of a great sword or a bigger enemy with armor pierced with a spear, ect. I don't have anything good or bad to say about the enemies because they just feel...*alright*. I mean there's just really nothing special to these enemies compared to enemies in other games. They were just there to be there..nothing wrong with that though. The only gripe I had was the lack of diversity in demons. They were just three different stages of the same demons I face in the beginning: Weak, mildly strong/strong, Giant. That tactic of making the player feel like they are progressing felt sort of cheap. A darker enemy of the same model isn't different enemy

What was far more important and interesting was the ABILITIES each monster gave you.

See, through the game, every monster you face has the chance of dropping a shard which bonds to your character's body, giving her several abilities. Ranging from fireballs, bats, and burning acid to shadows, increasing your strength, and more.

You may equip up to four regular spells called conjure shards

A passive shard which passively increases a stat or provides some benefit

A directional shard which allows you to point the spell with your hand via the joystick.

A manipulative shard that manipulates objects and spaces around you.

Skill shards, which gives you passive skills you can turn on and off. These are probably some of the most important shards in the game which are generally found after a boss fight.

My FAVORITE shard: Familiar shard! Allows you to have a familiar along the screen! My favorite being this cool little silver Knight that blocks projectiles c:

Each shard has their own circumstances to be used and best creatures to be used against which is great. Just the rediculous wide range of spells allows the player any range of choice and playstyle. My favorite is flooding the screen with bats. You may upgrade.

Weapons and armor are always in supply. Some found in secret areas while others are only unlocked via finding recipes for the alchemist to make. All have their own merits with some holding special skills you can use on monsters (example: a specific spear or set of spears allows you to sprint forward at rediculous speed). Sometimes I felt like I wasn't doing any damage before realizing I had to move on to the next weapon tier. Sometimes this can workout poorly for games since the progression relies on how well you do damage instead of how skillful you are with how you use your weapon, but I didn't seem to mind at all of Bloodstained's usage of the tiered weapon system.

Now, with over 100 of spell choices and weapons to use against a wide variety of enemies, it can be a hassle to constantly switch between spells and weapons in the menu...which is why the game introduces the quick select wheel!..later...in the game...which was a huge issue for me personally.

The quick select wheel came a bit later in the game which was strange since I had quite the number of spells and weapons I had. A problem I saw immediately with it was that I had to actually unlock more quick select slots by finding them, hidden and scattered through the game. I think this was a poor choice due to how the game encourages the player to play with their setup yet constricts them by locking these slots that didn't need to be locked in the first place. Maybe it was to give more incentive to the player to experiment with their mobility, but I still don't enjoy it. They should have had all options unlocked.

So now that we have combat and art out of the way, I'll talk about the TOWN features.

As in other metroidvanias, we have a homebase like area which holds several quests and people of interest to talk to. A farmer which can be given seeds to grow crops, a nun which gives you fetch quests to find items in the field to say goodbye to the fallen, an older woman whos hunger knows no bounds. Another nun who is a merchant for you and will also buy your leftover shards, and a fellow alchemist who will transmute items into weapons, armor, and whip up a nice plate of food for permanent stat boosts.

The merchant Nun, or Dominique, will sell you potions, alchemy items, and ingredients. Generally these items are...fairly overpriced, but rightfully so so the player doesn't progress too easily. The prices never change too which makes her interactions pretty concrete. It was nice not having to farm for basic items for potions c: so thank you, Dominique.

Then we have Johannes, our resident alchemist which is where a lot of our time is going to be spent.

Johannes takes the items we find from monsters, and puts them to good use my transmutation. He's the man who helps us make our ultima keyblade!..well, stronger weapon. This can be a tad annoying as some enemies take quite some time to farm, but it wasn't a hassle as I could teleport to the room and kill them until I got the item.. honestly this felt...a tad tedious? Then again, not a huge farming fan of repeat killing a monster, but it was needed to get some items.

Johannes also has an option to make you food from the ingredients you find from monsters! (Great idea to cook meat from demons) these meals give you permanent stat boosts after your first bite, but subsequent meals of the same food won't give you anymore bonus stats.

A special interaction is the ability to upgrade your shards! Using items from the monsters you kill (generally the same demon that gave you the shard), you can upgrade your shards to give them a new effect and make them stronger! The shards can be leveled to level 9 and are maxed out from there. This is one of my favorite parts of the game because how ridiculously numerous these spells are in effects. Hell, I can summon a dragon so he can just SMACK the screen like a fly swatter. Nothing makes you feel as powerful as watching a dragon head you summon just spew fire on a defenseless boss.

Now quests. These are...pretty underwhelming and are accomplished simply as you walk along to be honest. You'll finish these without even realize it because of how simple they were. These felt pretty weak in comparison to the rest of the game, but I mean hey, gave me some cool items. These could have been more fleshed out or maybe given the player some better quests that weren't just *fetch this*. Quests were the weakest part of the game.

Story was..uh...well. I'll be honest. My girlfriend even witnessed as I called the plottwists one by one and it was sort of sad. Don't play this game for the story. Truly don't. There isn't a good story here. The story is only here to drive the action and gameplay which is what the developers focused on. The game comes with multiple endings, the true ending being a tad cryptic to get to without knowing a certain secret of what to do with a weapon, but regardless, the story atleast made sense...has just been done before.

Now. Should you buy it?

If you're a fan of metroidvanias...I'd say the price is worth it. About 20-30 hours of gameplay for the avid metroidvania fan..I think (I'll start recording how long it takes me to really finish something hah)

If not a fan: wait for a sale. It's something great to have and pickup. With some gripes about quests and enemies while also having praises for the enhance system and spells, I enjoyed myself. I really did. It was fun. I put it down a couple of times because it was just too much with how large the map felt sometimes, but after getting the hang of mobility and the teleport system, it really felt like a castle to run around in.

-------------------METRIC-------------------

Pros:

• Spell system is EXCELLENT. I wish games had this many spells.

• Combat was nice with weaknesses and different strengths to each setup and creature.

• Map is widely varied.

• Artstyle felt like a callback to Castlevania as well as the music

• Long and worth the pricetag.

• Repayable

•Freakin familiars, man

• Decent amount of weapon choice (even if all do the same weapon attack as a weapon in their same category, each weapon felt like an upgrade.

CONS:

• Reskinned monsters are not good replacements for different monsters. Please don't do that...it feels cheap.

• Story was uninteresting

• The quickslot should be available from the very beginning so I can customize my character. It shouldn't have been a skill.

So that was my review on Bloodstained c: I really enjoyed it after getting used to the controls...also fun tip...USE the backdash. It helps so much in certain boss encounters where every action counts.

Have a nice Sunday, Cultists c:

[grimey--gal]

“Oh- he’s the one with the puppy-love crush on that boy!” Erzulie shrieks, covering her mouth in shock. She grins. “I want to see this Andy Barclay. Pull him up for me, won’t you, mon ke?” Damballa sighs, but her charm makes it hard not to smile at her. He squeezes Ayida’s shoulder and she conjures up an image in the water around them. Erzulie gasps at the sight of Andy, who is currently at work. “Oh, he’s so precious! Mortals are so darling,” she swoons, clearly invested already, and claps her hands with a delighted squeal. She turns her gaze to where Chucky stands at the door, panting from his outburst. “And you want a physical form that can truly give him the warmth and protection he needs?” Chucky nods, cotton-mouthed. His heart is beating so fast in his throat. Please, please, he’s begging inwardly. Let me have this one last favor. It appears he will need to appeal to Erzulie. Ayida and Damballa are - rightfully - suspicious. “Please,” he implores, as meek as possible. He keeps his flaring pride down by fantasizing on all the ways he can dote on and comfort Andy should he get what he seeks. “I… I just want to take care of my boy.” He’s said the right words. He can see Erzulie practically melting, and even Damballa and Ayida seem moved at his tender declaration towards Andy. It is true, every word of it. Andy is so endearingly gentle, even when he won’t admit it, and his dedication to being so strong only makes Chucky want to protect him all the more. Damballa seems to begin to protest, but Erzulie speaks before him. “Oh, can’t we?” she implores the other deities, taking their hands. “Look at how he cares for his darling pet so!” She giggles, overjoyed at the entire situation. “I do love love.” Damballa and Ayida share a knowing glance. Then they seem to relent. Once more, Chucky prays silently. The last request, I promise. “I suppose we could conjure up a life form,” Damballa states, still a bit hesitant. Ayida finally cracks a small grin in the corners of her mouth. Erzulie laughs and claps in jubilation. Ayida gives Chucky a pointed look. “Any form in particular you are seeking?” she inquires. He could ask. But he’s afraid to overstay their mercy. “Anything you find fit,” he says, head low. “I just want to be able to hold him.” “What is his size, anyhow?” Erzulie asks, still entranced with Andy’s image in the water. “He seems so small. But then again, all humans seem small to me.” She dips her finger in the water and hums thoughtfully. Chucky can’t help the way his heart flutters at the thought. “Just shy of 5′5″,” he tells her, and the hunger to sweep Andy up in a strong and warm embrace washes over him. Erzulie lays a cheek on her hand and sighs dreamily. “Oh, it shouldn’t be hard to create a form big enough for you to hold him then, hm?” she asks. Chucky can tell she’s very entertained by the entire situation. “He’s already such a tiny thing himself!” Were she not a goddess, Chucky would be jealous of the way she seems to fawn over Andy. But more than anything, it is all a silly mortal’s game to her. He is lucky she is even entertaining the thought to help him. “Alright now, ‘Zulie, I think you’ve teased him enough about all of this,” Damballa interjects, and Chucky is grateful. Ayida hums in agreement, and holds her hand out for Damballa to take. “Come, Papi,” she says, cocking her head. “We have a favor to fill.” She gives Chucky a pointed look. “Although, I feel you must consider this a favor from Erzulie.” At this, the other goddess winks. “You owe me one now, imen,” she declares, and Chucky is unsure of what that will mean for him in the future. Nonetheless, he bows again. “Please, take my humble gratitude, my lord… and ladies,” he hesitates on his graces, not sure of how to acknowledge them. Ayida seems pleased enough, and Erzulie laughs, so he feels he’s passed the test of formalities. “Oh, he’s so clumsy, the poor little dove!” Erzulie is already drawn to the water again, even as Damballa and Ayida shake their heads at her lovingly and leave her side. She is enraptured, and Chucky compares it to the way Tiffany would watch a romantic film. It’s almost funny, seeing such a similarity in this deity. Erzulie looks up at him, perplexed. “I do hope you take good care of him - he really needs someone to watch after him. He’s such a helpless creature!” She pats the couch where Ayida and Damballa had once been invitingly. “Do you want to watch him with me while we wait on them?” Their eyes lock, and her subtle grin tells him she already knows his reply. He tries not to scramble too eagerly on the couch, but her small snort tells him he was not so successful at containing himself.

[wessonba]

I signed up for a Diana Gabaldon talk and book signing in Fairfax, Virginia well before Outlander Starz was a thing.  It was a sold out event and the one and only time I ever stood in line to meet someone famous. Worried about my navigating (and rightfully so) D.C. traffic, my husband drove me five and a half hours for an event he didn’t have a ticket for. Unbeknownst to him, I had put him on the waiting list and he got in!!!! He was thrilled (hard eye roll here)!!!! As it was our first time at such an event, we didn’t know what to expect and were a little shocked to see a line into the auditorium that wrapped itself through and around a very large campus building.  I was walking with a cane at the time and crestfallen, I knew I would not be able to stand in line. My big burly manly man of a husband breached the crowds of plaid clad women to secure us a place while I sat feeling guilty in a chair.  It remains one of the nicest things he has ever done for me.  Listening to Diana speak and meeting her in person was a surreal ordeal, but well worth everything we went through.  As great as it was to meet her and despite my love for the actors on the show, I can’t see myself waiting outside or inside a venue for the hours it seems to take to meet them.  However, …I swear I would for Matt B. Roberts, LOL!

What can I say?  I’m a fan of writing and Outlander and he is my favorite Outlander script writer. I feel like I “get” him and the way he thinks. Well. at least about Outlander. No, …I really DO get how he thinks BECAUSE of Outlander.  I have learned that not everything a writer wants to be said or happen on a show comes to fruition. There are a lot of voices and logistics influencing the final product.  However, it is obvious to me what are Matt’s focuses and influences when I see an episode he has written.  In my humble opinion, he truly understands why this story and its characters are special. He sees through to the heart of what is happening. He gets what the story is saying about people, life, love, and family. That he is able to translate that visually continues to be a wonder to me.  Case in point? Outlander episode 4.9 “The Birds and the Bees”.

I recently republished a blog post  in honor of the 4.9 episode. I wrote about how I have grown to appreciate Diana’s imaginings of the first meeting of Jamie and his adult daughter. In that article, I point out how the expectations of that moment would have to have been unrealistic.  The import placed on this meeting cannot be understated for either the characters or the fandom. I remember the first time I read it, I was a bit disappointed. I think I was expecting some equivalent of colonial fireworks.  Diana didn’t give me or Brianna what we expected instead she gave us what we …needed. I found myself measuring this episode against that standard.  Did Matt B. Roberts and writing partner Toni Graphia give us what we expected or what we needed?

We Needed to See Their Faces

I’m starting to appreciate how important it is for actors to emote. Not everything can be communicated in dialogue nor should it be in a visual medium.  We sometimes need to see what a character is feeling and I felt their were some really important feelings revealed in this episode.  Lizzie, Ian, Murtagh, Roger and all three Frasers told us volumes with a mere expression.

I found myself really looking at Roger’s face in this scene.  At first he seems just irritated that he still has to deal with Bonnet.  He doesn’t have time to deal with this piece of shit. He needs to find Brianna. When the reality of what the Captain is saying, he will be sailing to Philadelphia, starts to sink in you can see the resignation.  I’m not sure why, but I felt like Roger’s expression was slightly sardonic. Of course he isn’t done with Bonnet, of course he is about to get pulled away from Brianna before he can tell her he hasn’t left.  This is no idle threat. He is well and truly screwed. However, he cannot show too much emotion. You don’t want to give this monster any clues as to how you are feeling and give him any ammunition. How ironic that the one person he is desperate to protect from Bonnet is already his victim. His “especially when it comes to women” line made me cringe.  I think uttering “poor Roger” under my breath is about to become a regular thing.

Brianna. Within the span of a few minutes we see her face reveal what has to be the entire span of human emotion. I felt emotionally exhausted just watching her swing from grief to hope and back again.

I’m not sure I need to comment.  These faces speak for themselves.

We Needed to Know Roger Didn’t Leave

There were some pretty big departures from the book in the last few episodes and I have learned (not easily mind you) to be patient.  Episodic TV can try that patience when you have to wait a whole week to get answers and everyone in the fandom is speculating and spouting disappointment. There are some things I still need to know about Roger and his storyline, but the biggest thing I needed to know was if he actually left. I needed to know he didn’t. I needed to know that it was just an argument fueled by some really piss poor communication, but that it was just an argument and not an abandonment. Nothing more happened than what has happened in my own and many other’s relationships. People got angry and said stuff they really didn’t mean out of hurt and stubborn pride. I needed to see when Roger did leave it wasn’t his choice. I knew when he left with Bonnet, he was coming back.

We Needed This Scene, This Exact Scene

Jamie meets the child he sacrificed all for. The child he never thought to see. Like all important moments like this, reality is never quite as we expected.  Nothing is ever as good or as bad as we might think.  Brianna only knows what she has been told about her “father” Jamie. He had to seem the stuff of legend and fairy tales to her. Her first view of her father was of him relieving himself. That very human reality took him very quickly from fairytale hero to just a man.  It was what exactly what she needed. Her expectations needed this adjustment.  I was thrilled to see they kept this part of the book!  Well, maybe not actually thrilled, maybe a bit uncomfortable, but you get the point.  She rounded that corner looking for someone bigger than life and found a man, a man whose arms were safe place to rest.

In my blog, I point out that Brianna learned more about her father in the few minutes he didn’t know who she was than in all the stories she could have been told about him.  We know fans can often loudly complain about any changes from the book. There were changes to this scene, but none that greatly affected its impact. Brianna learns that her father is loyal, firm, but kind and most importantly that he loves her.  It was so very close to how Diana imagined it.  Creating that visual representation of her imaginings was definitely made easier by actors who seem to inhabit their characters. Sam Heughan was absolutely amazing.  Sophie Skelton played Bree’s excitement and trepidation to perfection. When she fell into Jamie’s arms all felt right with the world.

We Needed Our Mothers

I still struggle with Claire’s decision to leave her daughter in the future. I appreciate that the show allowed Claire to show us she still struggled with that decision. Although she seemed shocked and overjoyed to see Bree, I had the sense that she was also dismayed.  The past is a dangerous place for a woman and I was struck by all that happened because Bree needed her mother. I would find it difficult to reconcile all that loss and wondered at how it would affect Claire’s relationship with Jamie. Bree is obviously struggling and Claire can see it, but she also knows that Bree is a woman now and as such can no longer be compelled as a child to tell her what is going on. However, Brianna needs her mother maybe more than she ever has.  She needs her mother to draw her out and comfort her.  We needed to see that happen.

We Needed To Feel Our Way

I love that this show takes its time with people. The tender and tentative dance between Bree and Jamie was needed.  They are virtual strangers. Strangers who want and hope and long and need to find a way to a come together and build a relationship. We needed to see them tiptoe around Frank. We needed to hear Jamie’s gratitude towards Frank and Bree’s guilty feelings about wanting to be with Jamie. We needed to see Jamie’s avid attentiveness to Bree’s every move and his constant furtive glances and smiles. We needed childhood stories, working together on the ridge, and time around the table family.

We Needed to See That Bree Understood

While it was obvious that Jamie was studying Bree.  It wasn’t quite as obvious that she was studying him and maybe more importantly, she was studying Jamie with Claire.  Bree telling Claire about Franks’s knowing she came back to Jamie was unexpected. The sadness with which this news was received gave me lump in my throat. I felt for all of well-intentioned choices and unintentional pain in Claire’s marriage to Frank. I’m not sure what Claire was supposed to do with that knowledge except feel guilt and regret, but Bree’s acknowledging she understood why Claire had to return was also unexpected and a…gift.

We Needed to Share Our Feelings

The quiet conversations between Jamie and Claire were everything. I get another lump in my throat just thinking about them. Jamie sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing his aching hand, a reminder to us that he too suffered what he does not yet know Brianna suffered. It reminds us that he has known so much pain and loss in his life and Brianna’s return is an unforseen and never dreamed of reality that he doesn’t want to end. He is human after all and a father wants his child to stay. Jamie’s openness and vulnerability with Claire is one of the main reasons this couple holds a special place in my heart. He is able to share his fears and regrets and his joys with her and know she does not judge him. In her arms, he safe to be himself without fear. In return, we know that he constantly thinks of her and a large part of his joy in Brianna’s return is because he knows Claire misses her so much.  His joy in Claire’s return to him has to be constantly colored by her leaving Bree. This child was the impetus for all the sacrifice and the 20 years of loneliness. Their constant touching and silent looks communicate their gratitude for all they have. But, I also feel each touch acknowledges the weight of all they have lost. They have Bree now, but they lost 20 years together with her.

We Needed Something to be Simple

In the end, Bree’s pregnancy, Claire’s promise, Lizzie’s mistaken assumptions, Jamie’s parental protective instincts, will result in complications that will change everything for everyone and I can’t say I’m looking forward to witnessing what happens.  And so, I’m grateful that Matt and Toni gave us something else we needed. The gave us something simple. They gave us birds, and bees and a name Jamie has longed to hear …Da.

    A sweetness that cuts…a reflection on Outlander episode 4.9 “Birds and the Bees I signed up for a Diana Gabaldon talk and book signing in Fairfax, Virginia well before…

[jen-kellen]

Oh How Badly Things Have Turned Out For Us

The story of Tatiana, Amelia, and their doomed relationship.

I simply want to be dead. Weeping she left me

With many tears and said this: Oh how badly things have turned out for us. Sappho, I swear, against my will I leave you.

And I answered her: Rejoice, go and Remember me. For you know how we cherished you.

She tries not to be jealous as she steps off the jetbridge, but it’s hard. All of her mates had their loved ones there to greet them as they returned, overjoyed to see them safe and sound. Her parents and her brother couldn’t get the time off to come out to see her and her sister was off traveling to Prague once again. There was no one available to welcome her back to the states.

Nevertheless, Tatiana puts on a smile as some of the ones she could call friends pull her away to introduce her to their friends and families. They all shower her with the same sort of admiration they would any other veteran, but it doesn’t fill the hollow in her chest.

When she is finally freed, she just catches a taxi out of the airport. She deflects the driver’s small talk as much as she can and reluctantly accepts the praise for her service in silence. She is relieved when she can finally pay the driver and escape.

The apartment is small and nondescript, but the flowery welcome mat tells Tatiana that she is at the right place. She knocks and nervously adjusts her grip on her bag while she waits.

The door opens a crack to reveal a single eye, then is thrown open to reveal a grinning woman to welcome her in. Tatiana steps inside without hesitation and sets her bag down.

The woman closes and locks the door behind them and then all but throws herself onto Tatiana. “You’re back, and you’re alright,” she says, tears already evident in her voice.

“I promised you I’d come back, Amelia,” Tatiana laughs. She wraps her arms around Amelia’s waist and easily lifts her up to press her nose into her hair. “It’s going to take more than whatever the army throws at me to take me from you.”

Amelia laughs and turns her head enough to be able to kiss her, trying to get across so many months of separation and longing in a single touch.

Tatiana sets her down gently so she can cup her face and extend the kiss for as long as they can. When they part there is still too much tension, too much longing in the spaces between their pants for air. She leans in again as soon as she’s able and kisses Amelia again.

Amelia, in turn, starts tugging her back into the bedroom.

Tatiana curls into Amelia, pressing her face into the smaller woman’s shoulder. Like this, in the soft morning light, surrounded by soft sheets and the flowery scent of Amelia, she could think she’d died and gone to heaven.

Amelia finally wakes and cuddles into her chest. “Dobre rano,” she mumbles.

“Good morning.” Tatiana presses a kiss to the top of her head. “I haven’t slept that well in months.”

Amelia shifts enough to be able to look at her. She is smiling, but there’s a hint of sadness to it. “You could sleep like that every night. Have you given any thought to San Francisco?” she asks.

She sighs and squeezes Amelia a bit tighter. “No,” she admits honestly. “I’ve sort of had other things on my mind since that letter.”

“That’s fair, I suppose.” Amelia does a poor job at keeping the disappointment out of her voice. “Just- think about it now? For me?”

“I don’t think now’s the time. I’ve still got plenty of time left on my current contract, I’m going to go on another tour.”

“When is the time, then? We’re going to need to find an apartment, pack everything, move, you’ll need to merge back into civilian life. That’s a lot to do when you come back next.”

Tatiana pauses and buries her face into Amelia’s hair. “I don’t know if I should leave the army,” she finally says. She feels Amelia tense, and her heart breaks.

“You said last time that this would be it. That we wouldn’t have to hide anymore,” she says. She wriggles out of her grip so she can stare at her, all anger and betray and hurt.

“I know, I know,” she sighs. Tatiana tentatively reaches out to take one of Amelia’s hands in her own. “I just- I know what I was like before the army, I don’t want to be like that again. I don’t want to inadvertently hurt you.”

“And what about what the army does to you?” She reaches out and brushes her fingers over the knot of scar tissue under her ribs. “Seeing you flinch because a neighbor slammed their door hurts me. The thought of you not coming back hurts me. You’re already hurting me by staying in the army. One of those idiots is going to get you injured out there, or worse.”

Tatiana pulls her hand away from her scar and brings it up instead to press a kiss to her palm. “Can we talk about this another time?”

“I just want you to think about more than just yourself this time.”

“I will. I promise you, I will.”

Amelia shows up to their lunch date with a handful of anemone flowers in hand. She offers them to Tatiana with a faint smile.

“I’m sorry about some of the things I said,” she says quietly. “Your squadmates aren’t idiots. Not always, at least. I know they’re looking out for you.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” she replies, taking the flowers. She pauses a moment to simply admire them. “You were angry, rightfully so. We all say things we don’t mean when we’re angry.”

“I shouldn’t be taking my anger out on them, though. I’m angry at you. I just wish you’d commit to me as much as you have the army.”

Tatiana frowns into the flowers. “I’m trying.”

Amelia frowns at her and gently nudges their feet together under the table. “Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.”

Tatiana looks up the moment the door opens and smiles at Amelia to greet her. She quickly turns back to the phone to finish her call, which still takes a few minutes.

Amelia wraps her arms around her shoulders and leans into her, taking advantage of Tatiana sitting so she could be taller for once. “I thought I heard something about Eugene in that? He’s not causing trouble, is he?” she asks, pressing a kiss to her temple.

“No, the opposite, in fact. It looks like he’s going to make the honor roll this quarter,” she explains, leaning back into Amelia.

“Good to see he isn’t following your example too much,” she teases. Amelia hesitates for a moment, then squeezes her shoulders. “I know you said you wanted to tell your family in person, but…”

“I’m still going to tell them in person,” Tatiana says quickly. “They deserve that much.”

“If you’re afraid your parents are going to be like mine, you don’t have to.”

Tatiana spins around in her seat and drags Amelia into her lap. She cups her face gently in her hands and presses a kiss to her lips. “My parents aren’t anything like yours. They’ll accept you, accept us. It’s just hard finding the right time,” she assures softly. She hopes it sounds convincing enough.

Amelia seems to relax at her words, practically melting into her touch. “When are you going to see them next?” she asks.

Tatiana tenses and presses another kiss to her lips. “After my next tour.”

Amelia knocks her hands from her face so she can hug her tight.

Her gut twists upon seeing Amelia waiting for her at the airport. She should be happy, overjoyed, but any smile she forces on her face seem fake. Tatiana extracts herself from her friends and goes over to hug Amelia.

“Glad you could make it this time,” she murmurs into her ear.

“I missed you too much.”

They separate just in time for another soldier who looked to be barely in his twenties to bound up to her. “Hey, I’m not interrupting something am I?” he asks tentatively.

“No, no, what do you need, Betsy?” she asks, turning towards him.

“I just wanted to thank you again, just in case. My mom cried enough when I left, she’d probably erect a statue in your honor if she knew what you did for me,” he says.

Tatiana steps in and wraps an arm around him for a hug. “It’s just part of my job. I’m glad that you’ve made it back safely, too,” she says. She pats his back, then releases him.

He turns to head back into the crowd.

“Hey, Betsy!” she calls after him, making him pause and turn around again. “Work on your aim for next time!”

He laughs and waves before disappearing.

Tatiana turns back to Amelia, grinning. “Sorry about that,” she says sheepishly.

“It’s fine. It’s kind of cute, seeing you all interact together,” Amelia says. Her hand twitches towards Tatiana’s, but she manages to quell it. Instead she turns and begins to lead them to her car. “I take it you saved his life, somehow?”

“Yeah. I kept a lot of ours from getting hurt this time around.” She shifts nervously on her feet, but fortunately Amelia doesn’t notice, or at least doesn’t comment.

They chat about minor things for the duration of the trip home, but Tatiana cannot ignore the weight of the knot in her gut for long. The moment the door to Amelia’s apartment swings shut, she drops her bag and braces herself.

“Lia, miláčku, there’s something I need to tell you,” Tatiana says at last.

Amelia glances at her from the corner of her eye. “What is it?”

She hesitates, taking a few measured breaths to help keep her voice from betraying her. “I have an interview, next week, for a promotion.”

“A promotion within the army,” Amelia says. She turns to face her fully, her entire body slumping. “In your letter you said you wanted to go to San Francisco.”

“I know, but this is big, if the rumors are true. Whatever I’m being interviewed for, it’s top secret, and they want me, specifically.”

Amelia turns away, already wiping tears from her eyes. “Can we not talk about this now? I just want to enjoy you being back, for as long as that lasts.”

Tatiana steps forward and holds Amelia close.

The door swings shut with an almost anticlimactic thump, much to Tatiana’s disappointment. She tosses her purse on the kitchen counter, but instead of collapsing onto the sofa, she begins to pace the length of the apartment.

Amelia tentatively peeks out from the bedroom doorway. “Are you alright? You have your.... thing tomorrow, don’t you?”

She stops and looks longingly at Amelia. “Yes. Help me get to sleep?”

Tatiana returns to pacing in the morning.

“Tati, please, you’re making me anxious just looking at you,” Amelia says from the kitchen. She sets two plates down on the table for breakfast.

She reluctantly stops her pacing and takes a seat, but she doesn’t eat.

“Tati.”

“Someone knows,” she explains quietly after too long a silence.

Amelia just stares back at her, horror slowly dawning on her expression.

“Someone knows about us, and they have pictures, and they’re going to get me discharged if I don’t give my promotion up to them,” Tatiana says, just barely managing to keep from sobbing.

Amelia reaches across the table to grab her hands, squeezing them tightly to assure her. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. They came to me, specifically, because of the praise from my superiors, because of reports of my successes on the field, not him, not anyone else. This promotion could get me somewhere safer.” She pauses to look directly into Amelia’s eyes. “But then there’s you. You, and San Francisco, and happiness, and I-”

She cuts herself off to muffle a sob.

“I know what I would pick, if I were you,” Amelia says softly. “You should follow your heart.”

Tatiana nods and takes a moment to recenter herself. “I know what you would do, and that makes me feel worse.”

Amelia’s expression drops. “You aren’t - You’d just throw away three years?”

“I’ve been with the army longer.”

“I’ve never tried to get you killed!”

“If I die saving lives, then I know I’ll have done something good.”

“You have other options for doing good in life than being part of the army,” Amelia says incredulously. She drops Tatiana’s hands and stands up to pace herself.

“What could I do? Who’d want to hire a veteran with no other good experience, no education, no other skills than what you’d need on a battlefield? The army is where I should be,” Tatiana retorts, standing up.

She turns and faces Tatiana, tears welling in her eyes. “You have other skills, people will hire you, or you can start something of your own. You only think that because that’s what the army made you into!”

“I don’t want to leave behind what I’m meant to be doing.”

“What about who you’re meant to be with?”

Silence falls between them as Tatiana fails to answer the question. After a few arduous minutes, Amelia turns and grabs her keys from the counter.

“I’ll be gone until your interview starts. Leave your key under the mat, please,” she whispers. She casts one last longing look at Tatiana, then shuts the door behind her.

Tatiana paces in the hallway, utterly terrified. The appearance of one of her direct superiors would calm her, were it not for the grim look on his face. Nevertheless, he draws her into the meeting room.

There is no one else in the room when they enter, not physically, at least. On a large monitor on one wall is the image of a man, his face shrouded in shadows.

“Sergeant Mercier,” the man says.

“Sir.”

“You come highly spoken of regarding your strategic abilities from your peers and your superiors,” the man continues.

Her shoulders relax and she allows herself to ease into the interview. Tactics, she can talk about easily. The man on the monitor makes no mention of any issues regarding her, personally. For a few brief moments, she thinks she’s in the clear.

“There is one matter of concern,” her superior says in a lull towards what must be the end of the interview. He pulls a manila envelope out and places it on the table. “I was handed this earlier.”

Tatiana freezes and hopes the horror on her face doesn’t show as he opens the envelope and removes a handful of pictures from it. Her heart twists at the sight of them, of her and Amelia on a lunch date, a handful of peonies in her hands. The wounds were too raw that it was hard to think.

“Are you a homosexual, Mercier?” her superior asks, looking up at her from the pictures.

“No,” she states firmly. “That is Amelia, a friend.”

“And she is giving you flowers because…?”

She swallows. “My maternal grandfather had passed earlier in the week that this was taken. Amelia knows I like anemones and, if you notice, there are an even amount. It’s typical to give an even number of flowers for funerals in Czech culture.” It’s not a lie, technically.

The two men are silent for a moment, and finally the one on the screen nods.

Tatiana tries not to let her relief show too much.

“We will be in touch, Sergeant Mercier,” the man on the screen says. Without warning, the screen goes dark.

“You’re dismissed,” her superior adds, barely offering her more than a glance.

She nods and stands, and fortunately as she leaves she sees him dump the pictures into a trashcan.

She does not let the tension fall from her shoulders until her taxi has taken her at least five blocks away. Somehow, she has come away still breathing.

The moment she is back at her hotel room Tatiana throws herself onto the bed, clutching a pillow to her chest. She tries to breathe deeply and hold back for a few minutes, but no matter what she does she can feel the prickle of tears behind her eyes.

She glances at the clock, then grabs the phone.

“Maminka?” Tatiana says once the other end picks up. She starts sobbing before she can even get any words out. “I just broke up with my girlfriend to stay in the army. How did you know you were making the right decisions, like when we moved?”

Her mother stays on the phone with her through the night.