#I was seriously doubting myself despite very clear signs

[stargirlfeyre]

“Azriel may be boring as shit but at least he never went after someone who was actively treating Feyre like shit. At least the Archeron he’s going after is actually working to fix her relationship with Feyre. Cassian went for someone who was still treating his friend like dog shit and I just can’t respect that.” ALL OF THIS

i’m always hesitant to say this bc some ppl are super sensitive when it comes to cassian for some funny reason (all the other boys are able to be criticized but not him bc he can be funny?) but part of why i don’t like him as much as azriel is because of how he went for nesta too early on, it was super premature for him to come onto her so blatantly in front of everyone even when she was mortal and he’d literally just met her, knowing how feyre was treated etc…i adore cassian when i don’t look at his character too closely. as much as i prefer feyssian over feyzriel because of her and cassian having more sweet bestie moments than her and az do, whenever there’s a discussion i’ll always choose az first because of cassian and nesta. like anon said i can’t help but put myself in feyre’s shoes when i’m reading but i don’t like that he came onto nesta the way he did and how soon he did, and he had no shame about it in front of feyre and the rest.

i know some people are super chill or they have sisters or family members that cross these lines all the time, like your friend flirting with your sister, but in my family or friend groups we don’t do that especially if a sister is really mean to me, why would i approve of my friend going for her so blatantly in front of me? it’s not so much a harsh or possessive petty thing but just basic morale? cassian imo doesn’t get enough flack for how he came onto nesta so soon. it’s true too that at least az didn’t show any signs of having a crush until acowar and acofas, i prefer someone humbly and respectfully handling a crush on my sister than how in your face cassian was about it with nesta in only book two. idk sometimes it feels like his dick thinks for him and even acosf proved that.

i prefer acowar cassian! but i also skip the pages whenever he’s acting out over nesta or they’re both being angst ridden for one another, i just can’t take it seriously bc he was obv thinking with his dick or mating bond and she was still treating everyone like they were less than her despite her being a pos who has never done anything.

idk 😮‍💨 like i said it’s so easy to love cass as a character when you don’t look at his dynamic with nesta from feyre’s shoes in book two. i imagine mainly feyre stan’s struggle with him due to his attachment to nesta so early on. that bonus chapter anon mentioned where cassian put his body up against nesta’s asking whether she was a virgin or not? he’d only recently met her and was doing that, it being too soon aside, it was very inappropriate to do. even mor made it clear that he acts that way with women when they don’t want him and see’s it as “a challenge” just 10 reasons why az and rhysand will always come off as the most mature to me.

the other reasons i don’t favor him have to do with sjm having him refer to nesta as a queen in acosf, him always showing doubt with the ic’s decisions in acosf as if he’s not apart of the ic (why did he seem so against them in acosf at times? most of the time they were right too so it was just weird for sjm to do) saying nesta didn’t need to apologize to anyone supposedly (really sjm? 💀) having sex with nesta on a hike where she was supposed to own up to her wrongs and mature after she just told feyre she could die (inappropriate timing much..?) acting funny when rhysand felt the need to tell her to be nice to gwyn and emerie when he knows damn well rhysand isn’t at the house of wind like them to know nesta’s behavior had gotten better. how the hell would rhysand know that nesta’s not being mean to him when rhysand’s only ever seen her be rude af to everyone..? and then made it even worse when he petulantly wrapped his arm around nesta to make rhysand feel uncomfortable.

•

[kaeyasaki]

📹 — :; “face-to-face” GQ interview

-> inspired by the “face-to-face, A$AP rocky answers 18 from rihanna | GQ interview”, except i make the questions a little more personal because i don’t think anyone cares what gojo’s ‘fav curse word is’

-> ft :; gojo satoru

-> interview writing layout heavily inspired by @rintaroll

y/n: hey GQ! i’m here to do face-to-face with my co worker, gojo!

gojo: coworker? is that all i am to you?

y/n: be grateful i even acknowledged you.

gojo: you wound me.

y/n: yet you’re still smiling.

gojo flashes a playful frown to the camera as y/n roll their eyes before pulling out a stack on cards.

y/n: so first question, what’s the hardest part about working with me?

gojo: everything.

y/n: i’m serious.

gojo: and so am i, you make it hard for me to work with you because we never get anything done.

y/n: don’t make it sound like it’s my fault! we never get anything done because you get too distracted and drag me into it!

gojo: maybe you should discipline me more...

he teases and sends you a wink to which you dismiss quickly.

y/n: you’re a grown man, you shouldn’t need me to discipline you.

gojo: what if i want you to?

y/n: would you just answer the question seriously or i’ll really start to think you don’t think we work well together!

gojo: okay, i was kidding... you’re actually a pretty good teammate when we’re sent on missions together, i have fun with you... maybe a little too much fun...

y/n: don’t give them the wrong idea we’re nothing like that!

you cringe at him as he laughs before the camera cuts moving onto the next question

y/n: okay, second question, answer seriously from now on, got it?

gojo: anything for you~

y/n: you disgust me... anyway, how well would you say you take care of yourself?

gojo: you mean like... self care wise?

y/n: yeah, like self care!

gojo: hmm well, i’d say i take care of myself pretty well, after all, pampered men are attractive men right?

y/n: i mean sure, i think it’s attractive when a man takes care of himself but if that mans you... maybe not so much.

gojo: you don’t mean that! you must be somewhat attracted to me.

y/n: can’t say i am no.

gojo: lying is a sin you know.

y/n: you’re totally straying away from my initial question.

you groan and face the camera and gojo tilts his head and laughs.

gojo: sorry, well, i’d say i clearly look after myself very well which should be to your liking.

y/n: you’ll never be to my liking, but it’s nice to hear you take care of yourself well and that you’re not just an annoying man, but rather an annoying but hygienic man.

gojo: you’re so horrible to m-

the camera cuts as you start laughing and gojo starts whining.

y/n: we’re getting through these quickly now let’s keep it that way.

gojo: you know, we’d be half done by now if you stopped insulting me every chance you get.

y/n: i’m the quizzer, you’re the answerer, you answer when spoken to.

gojo turns to face the grinning camera crew behind the cameras on set.

gojo: now do you see what i have to put up with! i’m a victim i’m telling you!

camera man: no no, keep it up, you guys have nice chemistry

y/n: chemistry? not to be rude but you must’ve failed science, the only clear dialogue between us is practically conversation between an adult and child.

the camera crew laugh and gojo feigns offence before you clear your throat and look at the next card.

y/n: anyways, when was the first time you were majorly recognised as ‘famous’?

gojo: ah, a long time ago i need to think, give me a sec.

you pretend to yawn as gojo thinks about his answer before smiling at you.

gojo: my second year i think. that’s when i really started getting noticed for my talent.

y/n: practically a star since birth i see, how do you do it?

gojo laughs at your sarcasm as you grin back, evenly matched banter between the two of you flowing on set.

gojo: i’m handsome and gifted, i was made for this kinda life, it all comes naturally to me.

y/n: you know what doesn’t come naturally to you though?

gojo: hm?

y/n: that dress sense.

gojo: what’s wrong with my outfit?

y/n: bland, basic, and the way you chose itadori’s uniform was just straight up ugly!

gojo: he liked it!

y/n: the poor boy probably didn’t have the heart to express his disgust to your face.

gojo: well, until he does i’m gonna believe he likes it and my dress sense is more than up to standard.

y/n: if that’s what helps you sleep at night i guess...

the camera cuts with the two of you playfully bickering with each other, any previous speculation of hostility now gone as it’s clear for watchers to see just how your dynamic together works.

y/n: question four! what’s the first thing you notice in a person?

gojo: in general or when analysing to an extent?

y/n: in generals fine.

gojo: hm i would say looks, but i don’t wanna look too shallow on camera.

y/n: they would’ve just recorded you saying that. don’t be shocked if you’re trending on twitter later for it.

gojo: it’s fine, as long as i’m trending who cares what it’s about.

y/n: i can see the headlines already... ‘gojo satoru, top sorcerer, favoured teacher at jujutsu high and big narcissist’

you smile smugly at the man as he laughs along with you with the camera crew from behind.

gojo: yeah yeah whatever you say, but if i had to answer honestly, i’d say what energy they give off. i don’t let it bother me too much, but i’d say i’m pretty good at judging what someone’s like based off of what energy they’re giving out.

y/n: i’m shocked, that’s a pretty good answer... for you anyway.

gojo: i try my best for you.

y/n: mhm sure, keep that attitude next time we’re working together and maybe we’ll finish jobs quicker.

gojo snickers and smiles gently at you, his direction is no longer faced towards the camera, but rather solely directed at you as you clear your throat.

y/n: yeah anyway, good answer. that might just get you uncancelled.

gojo: i haven’t even been cancelled yet don’t speak it into existence!

y/n: i’ll ‘try my best for you’

you’re both smiling softly at each other after you mock one of gojo’s previous replies, there’s no speech cut off as a comfortable silence rests for a moment as the scene cuts.

y/n: okay, i want genuine answers only.

gojo: that’s what i’ve been giving you from the start!

you jokingly narrow your eyes at him before looking down at the next card.

y/n: well okay then, so, what was the first thing you noticed about me when we first met?

gojo: unusually bold question from you.

y/n: just shut up and answer, i was recommended to ask this.

gojo: sure, sure.

y/n: would you please just answer so we can get this over with?

gojo sighs dramatically and sits up properly and nods.

gojo: naturally, for anyone else i would say energy but for you, ah, i think it was your pretty face.

y/n: shut up, i said genuine answers only.

gojo: i am being genuine! aren’t i allowed to call you pretty?

y/n: you aren’t allowed to answer falsely, serious answers please.

gojo: you make me sound like i’m down bad, honestly, you’re very attractive to me, your energy was just a bonus, i’m serious, stop doubting yourself so much.

he smiles your way, not playfully nor forced, it’s a soft and genuine smile to calm your nerves, it’s a sign of truthfulness on his end. before you answer he clears his throat, slight hurry in his voice.

gojo: -of course, we were younger back then, since then you’ve gotten wrinkles and is that a few grey hairs i see? you also slouch-

y/n: -okay okay you can stop!

the two of you laugh as you gently kick his chair, the fact you’re being recorded and being watched by a whole camera crew totally forgotten about.

y/n: okay, last question finally!

gojo: admit you had fun with me.

y/n: i see you everyday, today was nothing special.

gojo: you wouldn’t say we’ve bonded more over this interview?

y/n: you’re still as irritating as before this interview so no.

you grin and gojo scoffs before shuffling in his chair a little before a sly smile draws across his face.

gojo: go on then, last question.

y/n: would you sl-

gojo: go on, ask it, we’re waiting.

gojo is leaning on the palm of his hand, teasing smile playing on his lips and y/n stares at the card in disbelief.

y/n: you definitely wrote this! i would never ask this! there’s been a mistake with the cards or something

camera man: ah no, they’re all the questions that were on your form you sent in prior to the interview, these are the questions you apparently wanted to be asked. sorry, you’ll have to make do.

y/n: i’m not asking that.

gojo: come on now, don’t upset your supportive fans.

y/n: i know you wrote this, you’re so infuriating!

you glare at him but not with complete hostility, the situation slightly humorous to you despite your protests.

gojo: i mean well.

gojo shrugs as you sigh and stare at the card before speaking.

y/n: fine then have it your way. would you... would you sleep with me?

gojo: how brave! asking me on camera in the middle of an interview! how could i dare say no!

gojo is laughing along with the camera crew as you fight back a smile, refusing to admit his interference was entertaining.

y/n: at least take me out for dinner first.

gojo: now you’re asking me to take you out? you’re really bold today aren’t you!

y/n: oh shut up! i didn’t mean it like that! this is totally your fault it’s awkward now.

you’re grinning at this point not caring that your flirtatious banter with gojo is being recorded and is soon to be edited and posted for the world to see.

gojo: i mean, i’m free tomorrow if that’s good with you?

y/n: what? no, i- this wasn’t even a serious question shut up!

gojo: i’ll shut up if you let me take you out... and maybe then i’ll sleep with you after if that’s your request.

y/n: i can’t stand you!

gojo: but you do everyday, that must count for something right?

y/n: i hate you.

gojo: quite the contrary, i’m sure i’ll get you to admit that by tomorrow though.

y/n: ...i’ll be waiting on it then.

the two of you are smiling at each other, laughter dying down as you once again softly kick gojo’s chair. he pays no mind to it as a moment of fondness occurs, viewers clearly able to see the evident bond between the two of you.

y/n: okay well... that concludes our face-to-face, GQ interview, thanks for watching and putting up with him!

gojo: maybe we’ll come back to do an interview about our date after i take you out, who knows, maybe i’ll get to ask you to rate me in bed!

y/n: gross. you sound like a fifteen year old boy.

gojo: am i at least a hot one?

y/n: i refuse to catch a case.

gojo cackles as you laugh too, the camera fades out with the scene of the two of you softly smiling at each other as the interview concludes.

[helianthus-tarot]

Pick-a-card: Signs that they are The One

What I meant by The One, is that person who you have the best chance to be in a successful healthy relationship with. You can have amazing relationships with more than one person, however the amount of effort and work might differ. I also encourage you to appreciate whoever you are with currently (or will be with) and keep your focus more on being the best partner you can be. I take all of my reading seriously (lol) but ultimately this is for entertainment.

That being said, I got several requests on The One so I decided to combine all in one reading. Also, I noticed that there are similarities between the piles, most piles have the element of change. This reading will answer:

Signs that they are The One

Their most noticeable quality

What you can do to get closer to union

...

Disclaimer: Click Here!

Instructions;

Center yourself and focus on the topic. Choose a number/picture that you feel the most drawn to, as if it is calling out to you. Try to not choose too many (less than 2). Trust your intuition & read the message under the cut.

May the message resonate. Please ignore my grammar mistakes. Feedback in any form is very much appreciated! See you in the next reading!

Visit my tumblr for more readings!

PILE 1

Signs: 2 of Wands, The Fool, Judgement, 10 of Pentacles

You might meet your person after you have made a big decision; to go on a new journey, to start a new thing, or relocate. This is big change for you, not the “I’m going to Shop A instead of Shop B today”, it’s more on the same level as graduation, changing career path, relocation, starting a business, going back to school etc. If it was not you moving into a new house, you might meet them during a travel to a place a bit far from home. The key here is that- whatever action you will be taking, it will be a symbolism of you leaving the old behind and seeking a better future; or moving closer to your soul’s calling. You will meet them at that point of life when something ends and another thing begins; these things serve your soul’s purpose. Your person will come in with the change, so their appearance in your life might signify a big change, an end to your past OR how you know your life to be.  

Interactions you will have with this person will cause you to go within, reflecting back on your past actions, ending things that are toxic and harmful (be it people, habits, mentality, etc). They might also trigger a desire in you to really embrace a new life. You will feel adventurous, looking forward to what you can experience in life, willing to try new things more than ever. There will definitely be a spiritual element in your interactions, whether or not you/they are spiritual. The interaction and exchange will nourish your soul, it will also make you feel more alive (brimming with excitement, or overwhelmed with emotions). It will make you see and discover yourself. The same effect might be experienced by your person.

This person will be secure and established. Either it’s their social standing, having their own community, their job and finance, their personality, or the way they show love and care; something about it will ooze security and stability. Since it’s 10 of Pentacles, I think it has a material connotation to it, so financial stability or abundance. You will feel safe with them. They will show dependability and commitment. They will feel like someone you can build something lasting with. They will have a positive effect on your mind, you might be able to think more clearly when you are around this person. If you are the type to over-think or worry a lot, being around them will feel soothing and calming, you will feel as if you don’t have to worry much or that you are not stuck anymore, instead you will feel ready to move forward and focus on solutions. Life challenges won’t deter or worry you as much as they did before.

You guys might also have a lot of conversations on how to build more stability in life. You will be planning, brainstorming, bouncing ideas off each other. So this might also be someone who you will have a work or business project with, or they will help you with yours.

You will be born anew. Your life will be changed.

Most noticeable quality: Priest

Their noticeable quality is their strong faith in something; it could be in the universe, it could in religion, it could be in their path, their passion, their principles and code, etc. I don’t feel like it’s religion, I’m getting more of a set of beliefs or moral principles that they stand for. You’ll see this in their behaviors, in what they talk about, in their opinions. Integrity. Walk-the-talk. It might also be surprising, like you won’t expect someone like them has a set of codes they follow. Easy example, imagine someone who is well-admired choosing to not lead someone on (even when they can and have ample opportunity to do so), because they believe it’s not the right thing to do.

This also tells me about their effect on you. I think they will help you with your soul’s purpose, intentionally or unintentionally. In a good way. You will be feeling closer to your truth, so you will be more joyful, more peaceful and more connected to yourself and the universe as a result. They could also be the kind of person who lives their soul’s purpose; they might be doing or want to do things that they are passionate about.

What you can do: Wheel of Fortune, Page of Cups

Eh… you just have to wait. Lol. I feel like it will come when the time is right. Remember I mentioned about how you might meet them when something is ending and another thing is starting? That might be something that is not in your control, or it might be facilitated by an external event a.k.a external event might be the thing that will push you to make that change.

There is still something we can take from the Wheel tho; go with the flow. So when an external event happens and requires you to change, do it, don’t resist, don’t hold onto the old ways. Of course you can think and learn about what you are getting yourself into before you make any kind of decision, but there is a message to trust in the universe and flow with it. Especially when something weird or unexpected happens, something big (since you got The Fool).

You can also learn to manage your emotions, especially in regard to your emotional response toward change. Maybe take it easy, try to be curious and lighthearted about it. Try to find little things in life to be joyful about while ‘waiting’ for the Wheel to turn and bring you closer to your person. You can also learn more about love; the healthy way to love someone and yourself, what is the healthy view of love, how you want to treat someone, etc. Learn anything that can help you be a good partner, to your partner and yourself. Prepare yourself to love someone. You can also envision how you want to love your person. 

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PILE 2

Signs: Wheel of Fortune Rx, 8 of Swords, 3 of Pentacles, The Tower

This has the same element as Pile 1, as in, you might meet this person when you are going through a big or sudden change; either it will be self-imposed or it will be an external event happening in your life triggering the change. You can check Pile 1 if you are attracted to it. Either way, this has a more resistant feeling. You might be resistant to the change, or even to your person lol. This might be someone who you won’t expect to appear in your life due to whatever reason. Their appearance might shock or surprise you which might be the reason why you will be resistant toward it; it might happen quite unexpectedly. Honestly, they might also feel this way toward you.

Weirdly enough I don’t feel like 8 of Swords is their energy. I think it is or will be your energy by the time you guys meet. Either you will have been in this energy even before you meet them, or you will be in this energy when you meet them. You might over-think or doubt that it’s them. But it is. It is the person that is destined to enter your life. You might feel like it is not happening at the right time, in the right place, or in the right way; but this doesn’t mean it isn’t right. It might also be related to work, with 3 of Pentacles. So a change in career or work project that you won’t expect. Honestly, they might also show up at your workplace suddenly, or you might suddenly be sent to go somewhere (to a program, an event, or a different branch etc and meet them there).  

Someone will make a proposal (not a marriage proposal) but someone will be offering something to another person and I’m feeling like it will be work related, nothing personal. It could be a collaboration, an invitation, a help, a suggestion, a network, etc. The receiver will be a bit hesitant or unreceptive toward it because like I said before it might be sudden/unexpected, it might also be that it will look too good to be true. I’m strongly feeling like your person will be the one who makes the proposal.

When you get to know this person and they share their life story with you, you will notice that they have been through some extreme things, or some massive changes. You will also recognize them by their ability to take care of themselves; something about them that gives off this impression. So it might be their nice clothes, the fact that they keep their shoes polished, the fact that they keep their hair trimmed nicely. Something that says ‘I take care of myself’. Despite their vibe, which we will talk in the next section.

Most noticeable quality: Destroyer

Lol. This is related to the previous section, since you got The Tower. Your person is intense. Sharp. Decisive. When they walk into a room, it will feel like they are pulling the energy around them. They are someone noticeable. You wont be able to ignore them. Fiery, blunt, impatient at times. Might be intimidating as well. Might have a strong or loud clear voice. This person changes things. They have low patience toward things that don’t work anymore. Their existence, their approach, when they interact with life; it’s like life itself changes, noticeably. And not for meaningless purpose, either. They might have this effect on you, in a sense that you will have to change something in your life after coming into contact with them.

Your person might also have a lot of control over change. It could be over their own life, and for some of you, it might also extend to the external environment. They might resist control, they don’t like to be controlled or be under someone else’s power. The thing about this type of people is that- they will either take themselves out of any system and go setting up their own venture (entrepreneur, artist, musician, freelancer, etc), or they will move to a position of power within an existing structure; anything that has a hierarchy, they will move to the top. Well, the unhealthy ones will probably be troublemakers, destroying and causing shit in people’s lives. But since we are talking about The One, I doubt they are like that. Maybe they used to be a troublemaker when they were a teen, who knows.

Your person doesn’t like to be stuck, or to stay in a shitty situation. They will want to find a solution and get done with it.

What you can do: 10 of Swords, Ace of Pentacles

Something needs to end in your life. If you are holding onto something, whatever it is, this is a message for you to let it go. It could be a relationship, it could be mentality, behaviors, past pain and wounds, fear and insecurity, a stage of life. If you have negative behavior patterns or habits, change them, put an end to them. You need to do this so that you will be ready to take on opportunities coming your way, so that it will be easier for you to start again on a more stable ground, so you can expand and create more abundance in your life.

If you are not holding onto anything, then you might simply have to wait for a new thing to come in, for the sun to rise again as it will bring in an opportunity. It will be related to establishing your stability. Depending on your age, it could be an opportunity to establish a stable foundation of your life, your career, your finance. An opportunity to expand and manifest more abundance in your life. While waiting for it, heal whatever is left to heal, make peace with your shadow, develop your intuition, and be ready to receive. Whatever has been causing you pain is about to end.

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PILE 3

Signs: 9 of Wands, Page of Cups, Ace of Cups, The World

Key sign that they are The One is that they are someone who learns from their experiences. Yes, many people do but not everyone can make profound and insightful conclusions about their experiences. Your person has this ‘philosophical and wise’ vibe to them, which might not be obvious right away. You will feel a contrast/duality from this person. They might come off as lighthearted and easy-going, but when you have a private conversation with them, you will notice that they do give thought to things around them. What they say will give you something to think about, something to learn.

They could have experienced a lot of struggles in life, who knows. But by the time you guys meet, they will have come to a point where they can look back to their past and actively choose to be at peace with it, learn as much as they can and look forward to the future. Not in a fiery “I’ll burn my past and move the fuck on,” kind of way lol; but more… watery. So Pisces, Cancer, also Libra, Scorpio.. could be, but Scorpios can be intense so I wouldn’t bet on it. There is also Sagittarius/Jupiter/9th house energy to this, Sagittarius rising perhaps. Someone who is resilient in the face of ups and downs in life, because they have experienced enough to understand the flow, the interconnectivity between them and the rest of the universe. Probably also someone who has made peace with their shadow. They will be spiritual, not necessarily religious. Emotionally mature. I know with Page of Cups, maturity probably should have been the last thing to appear in the reading. But with the combination of 9 of Wands and The World, I think this Page is just a front.

You will feel emotionally nourished by this person, being with them will have this calming and peaceful effect on you. The connection will not feel hard or intensely overwhelming. It will feel like coming home. You will become softer and more open with your vulnerability with them, especially if you are the type who tends to put up walls. They will ‘make’ you want to divulge your life story and secrets, opinions and philosophy. Their eyes might look deep as if they can see through your soul. Something about their eyes. I’m really feeling water signs here, could be water rising as well with Sagittarius or 9th house placements.

By the time you meet this person you might be feeling a bit pessimistic or tired of love connections, but being around them will make you want to try again. You will have a lot of philosophical talks together, exchanging views and why you see the world in a certain way. The exchange will not be pessimistic, this person will not feel pessimistic at all. They will feel wise, there’s a difference. They might come from a place that is far away; that requires air travel. It could be someone in a different state or it could be a foreigner from a different country. For some of you, this person might be from a European country. And white, or lighter skin color. Idk why I got it that specific.  

Basically, look out for someone who appears easy-going and kinda social (knowing or getting along with different people); but who is philosophical, understanding and wise once you get closer and have some private conversations with them. Your intuition will be able to sense that they have layers to them; as if they hold a different story from what they show to the world.

Most noticeable quality: Guide

This is simply an echo of the previous section. The oracle card supports the message of The World pretty well. So while your person can appear as if they have no problems in the world, or as if they just take it easy and flow through life, the most noticeable quality about this person is their wisdom. It can be felt in their words, their thoughts, their beliefs, the perspective they choose to take. It’s when they comment on, let’s say, an issue- like I said before, you will know that they think things through and that they feel deeply. Which might be contradictory to their usual lighthearted demeanor. 

Their friends circle might also go to them for advice, insights, or simply to feel understood. You’ll notice that they have people from all walks of life as acquaintances. For some of you, your person will actually be someone who has a lot of friends. For others of you, your person might have a lot of people around them but at the same time they will also look solitary.

Anyhow, although this is their most noticeable quality, I don’t think it will be obvious ha ha. It is something you will see only when you get close enough or spend enough time with them. They will have a spiritual effect on you; being in contact with them will impact your spirituality and your relationship with yourself/the universe.

What you can do: 7 of Wands, 6 of Swords

You need to stand strong in your beliefs and things you have chosen for yourself. If you still haven’t made a decision on who want you to be, what beliefs and values you want to have, what philosophy you want to hold, how you see yourself in relation to the rest of the world; you might want to go within and make some decisions, and you need to be ready to defend them. Hold onto your moral and life principles.

There is something you need to walk away from; it is something that does not serve your highest good anymore. If you have a limiting belief, replace that belief with what you want to believe (which also serves your highest good). That’s the feeling I’m getting. For some of you, if your current environment is toxic or makes you feel as if you need to constantly defend yourself; you might want to leave the environment and live somewhere else if possible. It might not be easy, it might be a mentally exhausting process; but better things will come.

Again, get clear about your values, beliefs, life purpose, self-image, etc. These might also come up in conversations you will have with your person. Your person might also trigger some pain and wounds, whether they realize it or not. It’s just a sign that you will need to further heal those wounds, that’s all.

If you are attracted to Pile 2, then one of these two piles is your actual pile, I don’t feel like it’s both. Pile 2 holds a different intense energy; it can’t be the same person.

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PILE 4

Signs: Death, 2 of Wands, Knight of Swords, Queen of Swords

I want to avoid talking about the same thing but Death wanted to come out. Pile 1, 2 and 3 all have the element of change lmao I guess we need to change before meeting The One. This one feels like Pluto meeting Mercury.  

One of the signs is that they will be cerebral/intellectual. I’m not sure why I feel like guys might argue or debate about some shit in your first conversation. Especially if you are cerebral as well, which I think you are. If you don’t feel connected to the air element, if you think you are not cerebral or opinionated, this might not be your pile so see if you can choose another one. Both of you will have strong opinions, and you might clash at first because of this. You will debate about something complex; if there would be a debate at all it wouldn’t be about one person walking too slow and the other person getting annoyed, it would be about something like ‘what things should change to eradicate/reduce poverty’, ‘whether potential parents should be evaluated before being allowed to have children’, ‘should you keep a private account from your marriage partner’. Controversial or complex topics.

Both of you will have been affected by some massive events in your life. This is something you will bond over, but this is also something that will cause that first clash (it will be influencing your responses). The massive event could be a trauma, death, bullying, accidents, betrayal, toxic relationships or any life-altering event. I think it’s you who will be heavily influenced by your past during the debate. Your person might be speaking from experience or from their observations of other people experience, either way- the topic will be personal to them but it might not appear like it at that time. They will have a more optimistic view, although they might be blunt. You will have a more realistic and dark view about it; which some people might consider pessimistic.

But you see, you might feel a bit frustrated, they might look frustrated, OR other people might think you guys are fighting. But both of you deep down will feel kinda… exhilarated? Intoxicated? by the debate. It will intrigue both of you. It will make both of you acknowledge and get curious about each other. They might make a point that you will deep down find reasonable, vice versa. Someone here will exceed expectations.

By the time you meet them, you both will still be figuring things out; about your life and where you want to go after this. So you might meet them at college or university, or early stage of your career. Sometimes they will look fearless, like a person who is ready to cut Death itself.  

Basically, you guys will connect intellectually. Right off the bat you guys might disagree with something but you will know they use their brain, and they will know you use your brain. They will be more careless though. It might need a little bit of work, but you guys are much more similar than what your initial debate might show. I don’t think you disagree with the what should be done, just the how you should approach it. If you have a tendency to be impatient toward bullshit, this person will be the same. No games, no mind reading, no beating around the bush with this person. Your attitude toward the past will be similar.

Most noticeable quality: Child, Eternal

This person is much more playful than how they appear at first. Don’t let their strong opinions and bluntness fool you. They can be a child; most of the time, in a good way, occasionally a bit annoyingly. It depends. They can be affectionate, teasing, and are probably much more sensitive than whatever ‘tough’ ‘cool’ image they show to the world. I’m getting Aries energy, Sagittarius, Gemini. I don’t know what stance or perspective they will take in the debate, but this person is actually hopeful and optimistic about life. It’s in their nature to want to move forward. They want things to go well without any complications, so they might react to this need by addressing problems as soon as possible. The type who will just ask what’s your problem when they feel like you are hiding something. This person might not want to take a heavy, Scorpionic approach to seeing things, whether or not they have experienced dark things in their life. They could have Scorpio in them, since we have Death here, but they will engage more with their cerebral side.

So if you have a heavy Scorpio/Pluto energy and you are used to talk about the dark shit, then that might be the reason why you clash at first. It’s not like they can’t see what you see, it’s just that, they might have this resistance to staying too long in the dark. Who knows, being with you might get them to get used to do so.  

What you can do: 6 of Swords, 9 of Pentacles

This one is more about self-love. 6 of Swords can talk about moving away and healing your pain, not carrying them with you. 9 of Pentacles can talk about enjoying the fruits of your labor, it is also a woman who is independent and pretty much takes care of herself. I’m not sensing heavy energy for you. It might simply loose ends that need to be tied up, residue of painful experience that needs to be removed, that’s all.

You might also want to pamper yourself. Or have some self-care activities, be it taking some time to do skincare while meditating, having a cup of tea while reading a book every Saturday morning, going on a date with yourself and get some ice-cream after a job well done. It’s up to you. But something that can help you feel better, and enjoy day-to-day life more. Try new things, such as new projects or hobbies if you want, say yes to invitations from friends (after the pandemic or in a small group lol). Honestly you might meet your person then.  

.....................

PILE 5

Signs: 9 of Cups, The Star, 2 of Wands, Ace of Pentacles

You will meet them after either you or them have just gone through a heartbreak, most likely a break-up or a disastrous past relationship. The person who experiences the heartbreak will want to move away from the past, either by relocating or taking a different job; the change will be heavily influenced by the desire to move away from the heartbreak and the desire to focus on their own improvement/life. I’m feeling like this is most likely them, but it’s not weird if you mirror each other.  

Your person will be your dream comes true, or you will be theirs, or both. Almost feels like a ‘reward’ after hardship.

They will be emotionally mature and wise. Someone who has learned enough life lessons to share some of their wisdom with others. Could be older than you. But they will look emotionally grounded, warm, giving the impression that you can depend on them. I don’t feel like they are the type who will gush and fret over someone, busily taking care of someone else; they will simply look composed and stable. They might be reasonably private about their personal life, not everything we can share with everyone, but they wont have tough walls or exterior to crack.

When you meet them, they will be living their life purpose or building something which can help them get closer to their life purpose. This person will be working on a personal project; they will be starting something they can call theirs. It could be their own business, a new department, a new invention, etc. It will have a purpose of realizing their own vision, representing them as a person. When you look at their project, you can see their personality being reflected back. You might be in awe of them; how focused they are in realizing their ideas. It might also inspire you.

Honestly I can’t talk about financial stability when we only have Ace of Pentacles here, but this is a promise. When you look at them, you will think to yourself like ‘ah they will succeed’. That’s the impression they will leave on you. Even if their project turns out to be unsuccessful, with that personality and sense of direction, you know they can go far. They might not have everything yet (everything they want to manifest), but they are not a beginner either, so they will not give off that instability of an apprentice who is just starting or an entrepreneur who has nothing in their pocket.

Most noticeable quality: Visionary

You’ll notice them from their desire to make their dreams happen. They have dreams, vision, you name it; but they are not impractical. They will go out there and figure out how to make it happen. You will notice them from how focused they are on the future, and on building and bringing things into a reality. So they might talk a lot about the future; the next actions they want to take, things they want to do, whether they should implement this idea or that idea, or maybe they should go about it this way instead of that way, their observation of the market trends etc. There isn’t as much intensity in this pile in comparison to other piles, but there is definitely an element of ‘focused actions’ here. They might also have an ability to understand cause-and-effect; which might allow them to strategize their moves. Not surprised if they are also ambitious, not as penetrating or intense as Pile 2, but at least they will look ambitious to people who prefer a routine simple life.

They will also have some causes they believe in, like, social responsibility- they will want to contribute back to the community. But I’m not feeling it strongly so it might be underneath all of their goals and vision, and it might not be their main priority, just an extra wish. For example, let’s say you guys are having a conversation about the future and their goals and then they tell you that oh they are actually passionate and care about children with disabilities, and they want to help create a tool that can be convenient for those people, or they want to do something for those people once they get where they want to be in life. Just an example.

What you can do: Page of Wands, Knight of Pentacles

For those of you who have some big decisions to make, there is a message to follow the path that serves your highest good.

If you have a dream you want to make happen but you haven’t because you think it’s unrealistic, then, definitely reconsider. It might look unrealistic or you might feel shy and scared to try it, because maybe it’s different and ‘what will people say’, but you have Page of Wands here so definitely give it a shot. Of course don’t sacrifice your stability especially not right away, but try to look deeper into how you can make it successful. Knight of Pentacles can represent consistent and steady effort. Honestly this makes sense, because your person is the type who will go after their vision and try to make it happen; by doing the same thing in your life, you are actually matching their energy. Even if it doesn’t turn out to be successful, at least when you meet this person you can say that you had something you fought for, a dream you tried to materialize. That matters.  

For those who have figured out their journey and goals, keep going. Whatever you are doing or planning to do, keep at it. You might be trekking an uncharted path, your path might be different than people around you and success isn’t guaranteed, but hey you’ll never know unless you try.

....................

[buckyownsmylife]

Like we did - John Winchester smut

The one where John hears you touching yourself and calling out his name.

Warnings: masturbation (m,f), the social construct of virginity, p in v, oral sex (f), dirty talk.

A/N: so this is for a request I got a while back! I hope you guys like it!

John’s P.O.V.

Another restless night. That’s what I was expecting when I got back to the bunker after a single dose of whiskey while the boys tried to find someone to go home with. Usually I’d be right there with them, trying my own luck in hopes of getting laid, but not tonight.

Tonight, the only person I wanted to bring back home was already there, but she wasn’t waiting for me.

Shit. I should be in hell for even thinking about her like this. She was Sam’s best friend, after all - young enough to be my daughter. I shouldn’t desire her like I did. And I should definitely not fantasize about her while she was sleeping in the bedroom right next to mine. 

But fuck, I was already doomed anyway. This wouldn’t make a difference in my permanently tainted slate.

Resigning to my fate and hoping that by giving my cock at least some sort of release I’d maybe be able to sleep, I stripped down to nothing and let myself fall down on the bed, staring at the ceiling as I tried to force any remaining guilt to disappear. I deserved this. It had been a lousy, stressful week, and I needed a way to get the tension out. Besides... she would never even know.

My dick throbbed in my fist as I slowly began to jerk myself, in no rush to get to the end as I sorted through the memories that I kept tucked away in a hidden corner of my mind specifically for nights like this one. The shock of meeting her at a run-down dinner, all short skirts and smiles as she shook my hand like I was seventy years old. How she looked with my jacket when I gave it to warm her up after we found her again during a hunt. The little smiles she gave me and the way she looked up at me from under her eyelashes whenever I said something that could be considered suggestive, right before Dean or Sam faked being repulsed by it. The smell of her when she had just showered, the fog from the warm water kind of filled with her, with her essence. I was convinced it was enough to make any living man hard, and if my sons didn’t notice it, it’s because they were dumbasses.

But I was happy that I didn’t have to worry about them taking advantage of the fact that I couldn’t pursue her and ended up dating the girl. I don’t know what I would do with myself - or actually, to them - if I had to deal with seeing my own sons’ hands all over the object of my desires.

In the middle of my walk down pleasure lane, I got so distracted by the feeling of my own fist tightened around my member as I now considered all of the stuff I wished I could do to her, that I barely heard it the first time it managed to slip through the gap in the door. 

The second time it floated around my bedroom though, it made me halt my movements all at once, at first startled to hear someone else in the bunker before realizing just who it was.

Y/N. And by the sounds of it, she was doing the exact same thing as me.

The realization awakened a new wave of desire inside of me, and I had to bite my lip to stop a groan from escaping. If I could hear her, that meant she could hear me too. 

Starting my movements again, I kept them slow enough to still be able to hear anything that might come from the room next door, thinking back on all the times I’d brought someone home and fucked them while thinking of her. Had she heard that too?

“Oh, God.” Sweet Lord, have mercy on my soul. Hearing her moans was one thing, but actual words, coming out in her voice when it was all breathy and whiny like that? I didn’t think I’d be able to keep hearing this without bursting.

I picked up my movements when I heard her whimper before saying another word, but I stopped abruptly when I couldn’t figure out what it was. Was it… Did she fucking moan out “Shawn?”

My heart was pounding as I sat up on the bed, trying to make sense of what I’d just heard. Who the fuck was Shawn? When did she have the time to meet someone ever since she joined us? Or maybe it was someone from her past? Either way, I did not like this at all…

“JOHN!”

This time the word was screamed at such a volume it was impossible to mistake it for anything else. It was my name. My name. She had just cum… screaming my name.

Before I could even realize what was happening, my feet had taken me out of my bedroom and right into hers, and I could only imagine what went through her mind as she tried to fight the post-orgasm haziness to understand what the hell was happening, as I burst through her door completely naked.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

John looked more feral than human as he stared at me, nostrils flared and cock looking painfully hard, but I was still under too much shock to properly react. Besides pulling the covers to hide my body from his gaze, there wasn’t a lot I could do - I wasn’t even sure of what I wanted to do, in the first place.

He looked so hungry, staring down at me completely naked, licking his lips like I was some prized meal he’d been dreaming of tasting. “I can smell your juices,” he commented, and I groaned in embarrassment, but still couldn’t deny the way my entire body tingled, as if calling out to him. 

And when he knelt on the bed, pulling me to meet his lips, that’s when I knew. I’d give him my body, my soul, whatever he wanted to keep getting intoxicated by the taste of his lips on mine.

“You are such a fucking tease, did you know that?” I seriously hoped he didn’t expect me to answer because as his hand trailed down my body, the sheets covering it slipping off of me, his fingers approached my leaking folds and I couldn’t think straight, couldn’t do anything else other than feel the way my clit pulsed in desperate need, like I hadn’t just cum thinking about the very man who was now touching me.

“Been dreaming of having my cock in you for so long,” he whispered against my skin, right when his digit met my throbbing nub, and he swallowed down the whimper I released by forcing my lips to dance with his. “Do you want it, sweetheart? Will you let me fuck you?”

It was so difficult to think with his thumb running circles over my clit, his beard tickling my skin as he rubbed his nose on the crook of my neck, but the question was much too important not to wake me from the spell he was casting on me.

“Y-You want to have sex with me?” John chuckled at my inquiry, that deep, comforting rumble that always made me feel warm inside, but I couldn’t feel relaxed by the familiar sound at that moment.

“How can you even doubt that?” He asked, reaching out to take my hand in his and I didn’t understand why until he was curling my fingers around his hardness, showing me just what he wanted me to do to his erection. Then he took off his hand, leaving me struggling to keep up with the movements he briefly taught me while waiting for my answer.

“B-Because n-no one has ever wanted to before.” The admission came easier than I thought it would, mainly because I was transfixed by my own actions and the member I held so carefully with my sweaty fingers. But then his hands were covering mine, steering me away from my new hypnotizing hobby, calling out for my attention.

“What the fuck do you mean?” I’d been around John for long enough to know that despite the seemingly harsh words, there was absolutely no heat in his tone, only curiosity. But I didn’t know what to say. I figured he’d understood what I meant, just didn’t believe me, and well… What explanation could I give other than the same one that had intrigued him?

When he realized I wouldn’t offer any further clarification, his eyebrows shot up, understanding clear in his features. I could easily hear my hearbeat spiral out of control, scared that this would be a turn off for him, that he wouldn’t want me anymore. I couldn’t even believe that he wanted me in the first place, what the hell would John Winchester see in a little virgin girl, anyway?

“No. There’s no fucking way.” Still, there was no sign of anger or repulse in his voice, only genuine surprise. I remained speechless, looking up at him with fearful eyes, until his arms reached out to embrace and pull me onto his lap. “Fuck, come here. Let me kiss you.”

This time when he pried my lips open to accept his tongue, it was sweeter, even gentle. There was still hunger, it was clear that he wanted me - I could feel his desire in the hard member that was pressed to my navel, instinctively making me grind against him. 

The whimper that escaped my lips had him smiling against my mouth. “You really are innocent, huh? Been driving me crazy all this time, and you had no idea.” A new flood of wetness came and I gasped as I struggled to hold myself on his shoulders, his rough hands forcing me to keep up with the movements I’d been making.

“So fucking beautiful,” he whispered, and I opened my eyes to find him looking at me with an expression that I couldn’t define, an expression that made my heart beat faster than it ever did before. “And you really have no idea, huh?”

I felt inclined to shake my head this time, and his hand cradled my face to caress my cheekbone before his thumb rested against my lips. Instinctively, I opened them to suck it, humming at the taste of his skin, not completely understanding why his sweat tasted so delicious to me.

John’s P.O.V.

I grabbed her face and connected our lips once more, the desire to kiss her far too strong for me to control it. “Don’t know how you’ve managed to remain a virgin,” I commented after we broke apart, grinning at her bashful expression. “But you won’t stay that way for too long. What do you say, hm? Will you let me take you, Y/N?”

The way she perked up at my words was unmistakable. She liked what I was saying, she liked the idea of being mine. I knew it even before she nodded, bottom lip trapped between her teeth.

“Good girl,” I growled, leaning over her to make her release that lip by forcing my tongue inside of her, and I only let her go when my own lungs were devoid of any air. “You’re mine now, darling. And I’m never letting you go.”

She didn’t seem to mind that, but I’d started to grow needy, sitting there with both of us completely naked, making out like two teenagers. So I started touching myself, wanting to relieve some of the tension my member had been accumulating ever since I heard her scream my name.

“Why are you staring, kitten?” The smirk on my face made it clear that I knew what she was so fascinated about, but I still wanted to hear her say it. Despite the pout on her face at my meanness, her pretty eyes were so easy to read. 

She wanted me, just as much as I wanted her.

“I take it you’ve never sucked a dick before, huh?” She shook her head but reached out to touch me, and I groaned at feeling her soft hand encircling my member. “God, you’re such a little angel and a fucking tease at the same time.”

A whimper escaped her lips, and that’s when I realized this sweet, innocent girl got aroused by my dirty ass mouth. “Oh, sweetheart… We’re gonna have so much fun together.” I kissed her once more, my hand wrapping over hers to stop her jerking movements.

“I can’t hold myself back for long enough to teach you how to suck me off, darling. But we’ll always have time for that tomorrow.” A pout still on her beautiful face, she still nodded. “And fuck, I really need to eat that pretty little pussy. Lay back for me, kitten.”

She hesitated for a bit, looking back at her own bed before slowly dropping against the mattress, her legs still over my own. “Open those up. Let me see my meal.” She moaned out loud at my order, but it wasn’t clear if it was the idea of being seen as something for me to eat or the tone that got to her.

“So fucking beautiful,” I whispered, running my knuckles over her spread lower lips before using my digits to open her up to my gaze. I knew she was getting embarrassed with my curiosity, the way she fumbled over the bed made that pretty obvious, but I wanted to explore her through every sense I had.

So in went one finger, until I was knuckle deep inside of her, and the way her breath hitched was just so adorable that I had to chuckle. “I know, I know…” My other hand went to keep her legs spread, but also caress the inside of her thigh, hoping to calm her down. “I bet it already stretches you more than you’re used to, hm? Cute little girl.”

Every single word of my last sentence was punctuated with a harsher thrust of my finger, but once I was done talking, I returned to the previous gentle, soft strokes. And then I leaned down to finally get a taste of her.

“Oh God…” I moaned against her pussy, not quite believing just how sweet she was. “You are delicious, darling. I’m gonna eat you whole.” With my mouth open wide, I could encompass the entirety of her little cunt, and it brought me endless pleasure to see just how wrecked I could make her with a few swipes of my tongue.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I couldn’t really fathom the amount of pleasure I was receiving. It was like nothing I’d felt before - beyond anything I could have provided for myself, above my wildest dreams.

The moans that left my lips sounded almost foreign to my own ears, and they seemed more like strangled cries than those beautiful melodic sounds I usually heard in porn. It was hard not to compare myself to the little I knew about the world of lust, but it was even harder to care about any deficiencies I may have when John Winchester was eating me out like I was his last meal on Earth.

Another finger slowly made its way inside of me, and I screamed -  more due to the surprise than the stretch. Still, despite the smugness in his gaze, John asked from between my legs, “Do you want me to stop?”

I only realized he was mocking me after I had already blindly reached out for his locks, keeping his face against my cunt, my legs wrapped around his head. “No, no, don’t stop.”

He obliged, keeping his fingers slowly moving in and out while his tongue lapped my wetness, and I could feel the fire rising inside of me. “No biting your lip, kitten.” I hadn’t even realized that was what I had resorted to do, in my efforts to keep my moans in. “I want to hear you.” 

And I tried, I really did. But there were already so many new emotions I was being exposed to, it was hard just letting myself go. And he noticed it. I witnessed the way his eyes darkened, the satisfied smirk disappearing to leave a hungry and terrifying expression on his face.

“You’re usually such a good girl for me… Always following all of my orders, never even questioning me once. What happened?” A shake of my head was the only answer I could provide, hoping my pleading look was enough to get him to take some mercy on me.

But I knew John Winchester, and he wasn’t a merciful man.

“I want to hear you whining for me, sweetheart,” he explained, the hand that wasn’t occupied with my pussy traveling up my body to squeeze a breast before it plucked my lower lip from my teeth, and I choked on his fingers when they buried themselves in my mouth.

Just his confession was enough to have me clenching around his digits, but it still wasn’t enough. I was too tense, the weight of the situation sitting heavily on my lower belly, where all the pleasure seemed to concentrate. I was having trouble breathing, and it felt like the climb towards that high was never-ending.

“Relax for me, hm? I need you to trust me.” I was squirming when his voice reached me, acting like an anchor, bringing me back to the reality of the moment instead of leaving me afloat on the foreign sea of sensations I was exploring. But his words shocked me to open my eyes and meet his, and that’s when I realized just what he meant.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of,” he continued, and I knew. I was never afraid when he was around, and even now, with so many different feelings coursing through me, I knew there was nothing to fear. Especially since he was the one gifting them to me.

“I trust you,” I admitted, and the second his eyes softened, sparkling with something that resembled love, I relaxed in his arms, finally allowing the waves of bliss to crash and take me with them.

Ironically, after my muscles went lax, they tensed before they could relax again. That sea of pleasure, I was now drowning on it - and I never wanted to come up for air.

That is why as soon as I was able to speak again, I pulled on John’s hair once more, desperately pleading, “Please… Fuck me…” The sight of my wetness dripping from his chin just added to the need that seemed to only grow exponentially inside of me. “John, I need you!” I confessed, and that was all he needed to climb up my body and rub his member against my sensitive clit, making me twitch under him. 

Surprisingly, for as much as it hurt when he started to slide his length inside of me, it wasn’t a terrible pain. It was a stretch, and at first, I was sure I’d never get used to it, but there was so much to be excited about, I could only focus on the good.

Like the weight of his body on top of mine. The way he looked deep inside my eyes like he was seeing the most beautiful work of art. The feeling of his skin underneath my fingers, as I clawed on his back, in need of something to anchor me to this experience.

“You feel so fucking good.” Once again, it was his voice that brought me home, making me realize just how connected I felt to the man inside of me at that precise moment.

And then he started moving, and I just lost myself to him.

John’s P.O.V.

I couldn’t control myself, and I couldn’t decide on what to focus on: the feeling of her tight walls rhythmically clenching around me, the warmth of her sweaty skin under my fingertips, or the taste of her under my tongue as I nipped on her jaw, my fingers rubbing her nipples until they were but tight buds.

“Virgin little pussy but you take me so well.” By now, the words left my mouth before I could even process them, taken over by the passion I felt for the woman underneath me.

“Hold tight, darling,” I asked when I realized her instinctively jutting her hips up to meet mine, a clear sign of her discomfort beginning to fade and giving place to strong, untamed passion.

When her arms wrapped themselves around my shoulders, I picked up the pace, still trying to remain gentle as I searched for her sweet spot each time I bottomed out inside of her. She was still so innocent, and so sensitive. It didn’t take long at all to bring her to another orgasm, and when she reached that high, I couldn’t stop mine anymore.

I came so fucking hard a roar escaped my chest as my arms trembled with the strain to keep myself up so I wouldn’t just suffocate her. But when I was still trying to come back to Earth, it was her hands that guided me to heaven, cradling my bearded cheeks as I slowly tried to control my breathing.

“I’m gonna keep you chained to the basement, kitten,” I warned her, becoming completely hypnotized by her sweet little giggle when she threw her head back to laugh. “No one’s going to get near you again.”

[enchantedblackrose]

Like I Love You

Jay Halstead/Plus sized Reader

Summary: Jay arrives at your apartment to pick you up for a date, but you're filled with self doubt.

¡Warnings! This potentially could be triggering. Poor body image, possible body dysmorphia, specific mentions of feelings of not being enough because of physical appearance

<Please, please lmk if I need to add any warnings.>

Loosely inspired by One Direction's Little Things

Like I Love You 

Your head throbs as hot tears of frustration continue to fall from your eyes. 

It was absolutely ridiculous to be this upset trying to pick out a decent outfit. After all, you've been successfully dressing yourself since age three.

But you don't have the mindset of a toddler. You're a jaded young woman with society's disgusting definition of beauty constantly shoved in your face. 

Deep down you know better. You know that the numbers on the scale give no indication of your beauty nor do they dictate your worth.

Sighing and trying to remind yourself that you are pretty, you again glance in the full length mirror. Standing there in nothing more than a top and underwear, fresh tears immediately fill your eyes. You only see flaws. Resisting the urge to poke at the cellulite near your thighs, you focus on your shirt. But the sleeves are cutting into your arms making them look weird. No, not weird. Fat. The too tight sleeves cause your arms to bulge. And the material clings to your soft tummy. You pinch the excess belly fat between your thumbs and index fingers, wishing you could squeeze it away.

You feel so ugly and gross. Angrily you pull the shirt off and throw it clear across your bedroom, where it joins a pair of jeans you couldn't breathe in and numerous other offending articles of clothing. None of which you look good in either.

You find an oversize t-shirt and slip it on before you just collapse on that very spot of plush carpeting.

Tears still roll down your face. All you wanted was something cute to wear. To be pretty. And go out with your boyfriend for a date night. He's a detective for the Chicago police department. The hours are already long and sometimes abnormal, but this week he, and the rest of the special unit he's a part of,  were logging extra hours on a particular difficult case. You haven't seen much of each other recently so you were especially giddy when you received his text earlier in the day saying there had been a break in the case which meant he could swing by your place and take you out on a proper date. Your reply had been almost immediate, telling him how wonderful that sounded.

You were surprised to hear from him again, still promising to take you out, but proposing you both meet up with his coworkers after dinner for some drinks. He included "begging" and "puppy dog eyes" in the message. 

Though you wanted to, you couldn't exactly say no for several reasons. You had already agreed to the date, so he knew you were free. Part of you suspected that he had done it on purpose. You'd accuse your favorite detective of entrapment later. 

You also were fully aware how much Jay wanted to introduce you to the coworkers he considered friends, having been invited to go out with them several times before. You kept putting it off.

Not because you had no interest in meeting everyone. Rather, the idea fed your worst insecurities.

What if they don't think I'm good enough? They're going to wonder what he sees in me. Then Jay will start wondering too. 

Wanting to do this solely for Jay's benefit, believing he deserved this after the hellish week at work, you went to your bedroom to plan your outfit. That's how you ended up in this nightmare. You only want to look your best, like you belong with Jay.

Nothing in your closet said that though. The truth of the matter was no one like him should be with someone who looks like you.

Cries turn to sobs. You draw your knees to your chest, hugging them tightly.

You hear the door to your apartment unlock, Jay using his copy of your key to let himself in. Hastily, you wipe at your face, not wanting him to see you like this; yet you can't find the will to stand. A loud, nasally sniff escapes you.

"Babe?" His still unaware voice calls out from the hallway. "I got us reservations." You don't answer back right away and you hear his footsteps approach. 

Having found you, he stops in the doorway. "Whoa. What kind of nuclear clothing explosion happened here?" He indicates to the mounds of clothes which surround you and cover the better part of the carpet and bed. His laughter dies as soon as he sees your tear-streaked, puffy face. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?" his worry evident in both his voice and light eyes. He looks you up and down, frantically searching for any sign of what has you like this.

You mumble incoherently.

"What?"

"I don't have anything to wear."

"The floor begs to differ," he teases. You glare back, in no mood for jokes no matter how well intended. He holds up his hands signaling he meant no harm before he pulls you to your feet. "What's going on?" You huff a heavy sigh in reply. His hand caresses your cheek and softly "hmms?" at you encouragingly.

"Nothing fits right," you confess. He hesitates unsure how to respond, so you continue. "I look extra fat in everything."

Jay frowns. "I doubt that very much. You always look good. I love how you look dolled up when we go out and I love when you're in an old tee and sweats."

"That's nice of you to say-"

"Well I didn't say it to be nice. I said it because it's true," he cuts you off.

You give a tiny, weak smile. "I hate how I look." Your voice cracks. New tears sting your eyes.

He brushes the few teardrops that manage to escape with his thumb. "Baby, what are you talking about? You're beautiful." His voice is soft with a hint of sadness hearing you talk this way.

"This is not beautiful." You pat your flabby stomach, then your thighs. 

Carefully stepping to avoid the clothes which litter the floor, Jay makes his way to your bed and sits on the edge, still mindful of the garments piled there as well. He opens his arms, indicating for you to sit on his lap.

"My huge ass will probably crush you," you mutter.

"Baby-"

 

Exasperated you throw your arms up, "I look nothing like you!"

"Well I'm a guy and you're not so…"

"Stop. I mean you look like a freaking model. That face and those abs for days." You catch him looking smug, no doubt a witty remark is at his lips, but one glance at you and he leaves it unsaid. You continue. Your voice hushed, "I'm afraid of what people might think or say when they see us together. It's why I've been so reluctant to meet your friends."

His eyes sadden. He reaches for you, gently pulling you to his lap. When he speaks, his voice is soft, but stern, almost begging you to believe his words. "I'm sorry you feel that way. I honestly had no idea, but listen to me, please. The only people who get a say about our relationship are in this room right now, okay? So our opinions are the only ones that matter. You. Are. Beautiful." He pauses only to shush you when he sees your mouth open. "The way your mind works fascinates me. Your sense of humor is amazing. You continuously show compassion for others, which in this world is not always easy. I swear your goodness is innate. Your laugh is intoxicating. When you smile...I wish you could see how your face lights up and your body turns me on exactly how it is. I have never been attracted to anyone as much as I am to you. I love you."

Jay's words move you, but they're not enough to silence your insecurities. "Even though I don't have a thigh gap?"

His brows furrow. "I...don't know what that means."

"It means my thighs touch each other. They're not supposed to."

"Says who?"

"...society."

"Society's ugly, not you or your thighs." His fingers trace nondescript patterns on the bare skin in question. "Besides, thick thighs save lives."

"Jay!" You laugh despite yourself. He smiles in return and presses his lips to your temple.

"I love you too. You know that, right?" You ask, realizing you hadn't said it back and he nods. A hand intertwines with his as you look in his eyes, "I'm sorry I'm such a mess."

"You're not. We all have insecurities or things we don't like about ourselves. I just wish you weren't so hard on yourself. I'm sorry too if you felt I was putting pressure on you to meet everyone."

"Not at all," you shake your head. "That's just me being me."

"Still, if my friends have a problem with us being together for any reason, they're not the people I think they are. Truly though, they'd love you. Hell, if we didn't show up together I could see one of them hitting on you," Jay pauses if imagining it.  "But seriously. They'd adore you. First, because they're going to see firsthand how good you are for me. Then because you're you. Funny, smart-"

"But I want to be pretty, Jay. And look like we belong together."

Jay sighs, but not out of frustration with you. He's only concerned."You are. And we do. I know nothing I say is going to magically change how you see yourself...I get that. You have to be the one to work this out. I really wish you could see yourself through my eyes and love yourself like I love you. Maybe then you'd understand you're so worthy of self-love. I promise, I'm right here and I'm going to keep reminding you how beautiful you are in hopes you'll start to see it."

Your hand caresses his cheek as you fight the urge to cry again. He leans into your touch. "You do help," you tell him because it's true and to reassure him. "I'm so lucky to have you. I'm really going to try to not be so down on myself. Besides. I  really don't want to ruin any more of our nights."

He waves you off. "A night trying to get you to see your beauty is not ruined. And the night's still young. We'll do whatever you're up for. Go out for a bit. Stay in and order food. Whatever."

A small smile appears on your face. You quickly peck his lips with yours. "I just want to wash my face before we do anything." Jay nods. You slide off his lap and head to your bathroom across the hall.

The light flickers for a second as soon as you hit the switch. You go to the sink, turning the water on and letting it run to get to the perfect temperature. Standing there, you glance into the vanity mirror. Your face is still slightly puffy with a few soft pink splotches across your cheeks from all your crying. You splash the water on your face and repeat the action several more times before using a fluffy towel to pat dry your face. You stare back into the mirror. And smile. It reaches your eyes and illuminates your face. You reach a realization. However fleeting or permanent, you don't know. But right now in this moment, you feel it. 

You're pretty.

-

[deaththesyd]

To The Brink Of Confession: Chapter 1, "He's not ugly"

I'd like to blame @mytanuki-kun for one of their works inspiring this side project that is now in the way of my Kisame week progress. As frustrating as this is, I'm having fun with this one and I'm excited to write my first true multi-chapter fic, even if it doesn't fit with the rest of my works and their timeline.

Summary: At first, she had shrugged it off as him simply being worn out from all the social interaction, but if that was the case, why was he only avoiding her?

At first, she had let it slide. Being super friendly and interacting with people was draining after all, and being forced to live in close quarters with such a loud group was sure to take its toll on even the most extroverted people. His avoidance lasted the entire rest of his time spent in her world, but she didn’t worry. As usual, a month passed by before she herself was teleported away into the foreign world of Jutsu, violence, and ninja. She even shook off her doubts when instead of her usual escorts, she was picked up by Kakuzu and Hidan, being told that the others were all preoccupied with important missions, ones that she would only be a distraction from. Entertaining as she found the duo and their antics, she couldn’t exactly hide her disappointment from the silver-haired loudmouth she had grown to consider a friend.

“What’s with all the moping, huh?” He said loudly, stood in front of her, face lowered to look her directly in the eyes as she had been watching the ground as she walked. Blocking her path forward, she stopped to look up at him, forcing herself to push down her thoughts and play them off as nothing. Surprising as it may be, Hidan wasn’t entirely self-absorbed and happened to be pretty talented at sensing other's emotions, a skill that he very rarely made use of. Not that it was really all that hard to see that something was up with her. Always easy to read, an open book, she was the worst liar and easily the most sincere person he had met. He seriously couldn’t stand her mood lately, it was worried and upsetting. Mixed with Kakuzu’s ongoing anger at everything and everyone, the irritating emotions were mixing and giving Hidan a headache. There were only two ways he could think of to fix this, either piss off Kakuzu to relieve his built-up stress and risk an explosive and painful response, or play concerned friend and get the woman lagging behind them to return to her normal upbeat self. Contemplating both options, the least painful option seemed the best bet.

“It’s not nothing, I can tell, so don’t bother lying, you’re shit at it anyway,” he cut her off as she tried to reply.

She tried anyway. “Really though,” she said, smiling almost convincingly, “I’m just lost in thought, we’ve been walking all day, can you blame me for tuning out?” Waving him off, she sidestepped him to follow after Kakuzu, who had not stopped for them and was quickly leaving them behind.

Knowing that the likelihood of being separated from Kakuzu was high if they didn’t keep up with the old man, he didn’t hold her back but stayed by her side to press for a proper response. “I said not to fucking lie,” he spoke casually knowing that anything truly harsh would only shut her up further, “you’ve been like this ever since you got here, it’s not just you being tired of walking.”

Sighing, she replied, “Ok, you’re right that I’m not just tired, but it’s nothing, really. I just need to manage it by myself.” No longer lying was a step forward, but she kept her lips tight on whatever it was. She was stubborn, but Hidan was persistent.

“What’s with you being all shy all of a sudden? You’re always so fucking talkative no one but Fishface can get you to be quiet,” he complained, almost missing how she reacted at the mention of the tall swordsmen. He grinned, seemed like he had a hook. “Awe, is this about your little crush on the big guy? Did you ask him out and he chickened out?” He laughed cruelly.

It wasn’t much of a secret that she had feelings for Kisame, she wasn’t very good at hiding how he caught her eye, often spacing out while watching him train, and making any excuse to get his attention. Everyone at some point had noticed the flush to her face around him, or the fond look in her eyes as she looked up at him. To most, it wasn’t anything to focus on. Kakuzu and Sasori couldn’t care less about it, as long as she wasn’t being obnoxious, Itachi seemed to keep a careful watch over her and her interactions with his partner, his reasons were unknown to Hidan who couldn’t care less about the Uchiha. Deidara and Hidan made sure to poke fun and tease her at any opportunity, making sure to keep their taunts from the man of her affections, trying to draw out their entertainment as long as they could. After months of this, she had become accustomed to the mostly friendly jeering from the two and had begun to poke fun at herself as well. It seemed she had resigned herself to watching from afar and keeping her flirting to a level that was easily mistaken for friendly conversation by the oblivious man.

Years of being acquainted with Kisame had only given Hidan a surface-level knowledge of the man, but recently he had noticed just how unconfident truly was of his looks, something he of course zeroed in on immediately. 6 foot whatever and hulking over even Kakuzu, it was hilarious to him that the member of the legendary Swordsmen of the Mist was both self-conscious over his fishy appearance, and his years of training as a ninja had not taught him to notice the obvious signs that a woman was into him. How anyone could be so unaware, yet so skilled was beyond him.

Her face saddened at his words, her brow furrowing, and her eyes cast themselves to the ground again. “I haven’t said anything, but I think he might have caught on,” she said quietly.

Despite her clearly upset confession, he grinned. “Way to go! Fishface finally figured out how to see above water, wondered if his brain was just waterlogged,” he snickered, excited that he could finally openly pick on him over the subject, but she didn’t smile and remind him to be nice like she normally did when he made digs at the sharkman. Clearly not a good sign then.

“I think he’s avoiding me,” she said, looking defeatedly at her shuffling feet. Now that made no sense.

Not long after it was clear to everyone but Kisame that she had an attraction to the tall man, it became more and more obvious that it was reciprocated. As much as she stared at him, he stared at her. Less openly, probably why it had taken everyone a while longer to see it, but it was well known that the two were complete idiots that had no clue the other was just as interested as they were. Part of Hidan had wanted to tell them immediately, embarrass them and make a scene out of it all, but another part of him had held onto their frustrations and fed off of it as a much more drawn-out entertainment source. Deidara was in on it too, saying that as much as he wanted to set off an explosive show by forcing their feelings out into the open, he also wanted there to be a build-up. In the meantime, they got to tease their fishy accomplice as much as they could get away with without pissing him off and alerting the other half of the pining duo. The fact that Kisame was avoiding her after finding out she felt the same was not what anyone had expected. For once in his life, Hidan was pissed at the drama of it. He would not admit that he was actually looking forward to the two becoming a couple.

“Bet he’s just scared that someone thinks his ugly mug is hot and is worried for your sanity,” he laughed. Her hand smacked him halfheartedly.

“He’s not ugly.” She said sternly, “Although with how forward I’ve been, he may have been creeped out,” she smiled, but there was a twinge of pain on her face that Hidan couldn’t help but notice. It pissed him off, his whole religion was about inflicting pain and death for his God, but seeing her genuinely upset gave him a feeling of frustration on her behalf.

“There’s no way he’s creeped out by your creepy staring,” he found himself attempting to reassure her, feeling as though he was betraying his and Deidara’s whole scheme. “He’s clearly just as much a creepy stalker as you are.”

Unsure that she had heard him correctly, she looked up to see Hidan avoiding eye contact, looking off the side of the road, ignoring her reaction purposely. “I don’t see how he’s the stalker,” she laughed humorlessly, “When he’s the one avoiding me.”

“Of course you don’t, you’re just as fucking blind as he is,” he muttered. Her sudden giggle made him look at her in suspicion. “The hell’s so funny?”

She brought a hand to try and stifle her laughter before she spoke, “What’s got you all grumpy now? Upset someones not crushing back on you?” She teased, eyes darting to look at the silent man trudging forward ahead of them, then back at Hidan.

The glare he shot her only made her giggles slightly louder. “What the fuck are you gettin’ at?” He spat, daring her to continue.

Humming whimsically, she spoke, “I just think that maybe you’re projecting some of your own frustrations onto someone else.”

He should have chosen to piss off Kakuzu. She may have been the lesser of two evils at a first glance, but the ability she had to force him into subjects he would rather avoid was something he had forgotten to account for in his earlier decision. Unlike the completely requited yet oblivious relationship between her and Kisame, Hidan’s own feelings were something he tried to ignore whenever possible. It was just a shitty joke she had made, something about how Hidan should leave her alone since he was really just trying to make the old man jealous. Something he should have shaken off with a normal insult towards the old miser, yet he had frozen, caught off guard by the accuracy. That was the one and only time he had ever allowed himself to come out to someone and let them live. It was shameful in the church to have feelings of devotion for anyone but Jashin, yet wanting someone that couldn’t produce more followers was even more so. Adamantly, he refused his feelings towards the man, but since that day she had treated his explicit flirting as nothing more than a show.

Embarrassed as he was, his comeback held no bite, and her teasing and further avoidance of the earlier topic increased. Eventually, it turned into a loud argument that reached Kakuzu’s ears, who ended their annoying discussion by threatening them both. She was easier to scare, but whatever they had been squabbling about had made Hidan more feisty than normal.

“Fuck off you old dick! There’s plenty of politer ways to ask to be included in a conversation,” came the danger prodding taunt from the young man. It was hard to guess why, but the older man’s fuse was shorter than usual, and the woman yelped as a dark arm split off from the man's torso to grab the face of the loudmouthed man right beside her. Flailing wildly and ineffectively he was dragged along the ground, yanked by the harsh grip of the intolerant man. Green eyes surrounded by red sclera flashed at her, warning her she would be next if she didn’t follow quietly. Swallowing a lump in her throat, she did just that.

[johns-prince]

I was reading Norman's biography of Mick Jagger the other day and at some point I realized that good old Mick had it BAD for John. They hung out a lot in the Lost Weekend and Mick seemed heartbroken when May told him John had gone back to Yoko. He was so upset that he talked to the press about it multiple times, whining about not having any access to John and that he was hiding behind Sean. Mick wasn't wrong, though. I was just very entertained by his reaction. Then there is this:

"Mick, as a result, had found himself in the—for him—highly unusual position of wanting to see someone but having his every friendly overture rebuffed.

From his sitting room window, he could see the Gothic rooftops of Lennon’s home, and would sometimes act out the part of a spurned girlfriend: “[John’s] right over there. Does he ever call me? Does he ever go out? No. Changes his phone number about every ten minutes. I’ve given up . . .” But there was no disguising how much this apparent indifference really hurt. Once or twice, he put aside the Tyranny of Cool sufficiently to leave Lennon a note with his own current phone number at the Dakota concierges’ desk, but no response ever came."

LOL "John is right over there. IS HE THINKING OF ME?" The thirst was real, you guys. I don't remember Mick being this sad about any of his women leaving him. Me thinks Johnny hit and quit it but someone fell in love, you see.

I agree, Mick sounds like a jilted lover/girlfriend here who just wants to be at least acknowledged. He was seriously upset about the fact that, when John went back to Yoko he knew that she didn’t like him. She thought he wasn’t worth John’s time and was a bad influence. Gotta remember, Mick and John had been friends since the sixties-- Mick was much closer to John then Paul, even.

Also talk about the gall because she was completely fine with John hanging out with the likes of Klein, Phil Spector, and Magic Alex... Like, talk about bad influences-- Phil fucking pointed a gun at John because he liked to freak John out and upset him. She liked these people. She approved of them for John. Yoko isn’t fully to blame, John also holds blame for how he’d treat people and just cut them off [even if he personally didn’t want too] but she encouraged John to cut ties with family and close, old friends just, like that.  

I feel for Mick. I honestly feel for anyone who loved John, it did seem trying at times. I mean, sometimes it’s not always easy for me to love John just as some crazed groupie... I could only imagine how intense and, confusing and exciting and, memorable it would have been to know him, personally, and get to love him personally. 

I personally don’t think anything serious happened between John and Mick. Kind of like how I believe nothing deeper then just, solid friendship was between John and Stu-- someone he could confide in, who wasn’t just Paul. 

Was there flirting between the two? Absolutely, though I find it to be a partially playful joking sort of flirting between friends, and partially with a serious edge to it. Libra’s are natural flirters, they often to do it unintentionally because it’s just, part of their personality. John most likely both an unintentional and intentional flirt, and his male friends weren’t left out on his teasing’s and naughty, playful behavior [specifically moreso open and direct about it in the 70s] 

But, I do think you’re right that Mick had it bad. Most male friends of John seemed to have it bad for him, in some way or another. Women and men loved John-- he was rather easy to love, despite how he’s painted and the sort of front he put up. As Paul said-- John was a loveable guy, everyone loved him, and he was right [though Paul usually only mentions everyone else when talking about loving John, deflects onto others at the same time but I digress] 

Even men who apparently thought of him a poky bastard seemed to inevitably be drawn to him, and like him [like David Bailey] 

He was loved, so, so much.

“The theory is that when John went off to Spain on holiday with Brian, that’s what it was all about - John trying to get his position clear as the leader of the group. Also, I’m sure Brian was in love with John. We were all in love with John, but Brian was gay so that added an edge.” Paul McCartney - Anthology

PAUL: “Well, I’m sure Brian was in love with John, I’m sure that’s absolutely right. I mean, everyone was in love with John; John was lovable, John was a very lovable guy.” [x]

“What did John Lennon see in me? I think outrageousness and being true to myself and not giving a fuck. We hit it off straight away, even though I was in complete awe of him. He was nothing else but kind to me. I never saw the other side of John, the Harry Nilsson drinking side of John, where he turned on a sixpence. I only saw the gentle, gorgeous side of John, and he was gentle not only to me but my parents, my band members, and I just fell in love with him.”

— Elton John [x]

“Nowhere can the caring side of John Lennon be documented more accurately than in his relationship with Malcolm Evans, the very tall and bespectacled man who became a regular as a road manager, along with Neil Aspinall, on the Beatles’ tours. Evans had a magnetic personality and was a favorite with reporters and the women who tagged along. His smile and charm could be deceptive; he would have done anything to protect the Beatles. At one point on the touring aircraft, while traveling from Jacksonville to Boston in 1964, a tired Mal Evans sat next to me in the rear of the aircraft with tears trickling down his face. I asked, “What’s the matter?” Mal answered, “John got kind of cross with me … just said I should go f— off. No reason, ya’ know. But I love the man. John is a powerful force. Sometimes he’s rough, if you know what I mean, man. But there’s no greater person that I know.” I never learned what the dispute was about, but I do know that a few minutes later, a sullen Lennon walked by and embraced Evans.” — Larry Kane [x]

“Sharing a twisted sense of humour and a penchant for mischief, Nilsson and Lennon were natural buddies. It was perhaps inevitable that the LA-dwelling singer would gravitate towards Lennon. Lennon clearly appreciated Nilsson’s edginess and was very likely looking for a male soulmate to fill the hole left by McCartney. For his part, Nilsson’s feelings for Lennon ran even deeper: ‘I really fell in love with him. He was all those things you wanted somebody to be.”

Man On The Run: Paul McCartney in the 1970s by Tom Doyle [x]

“But the acerbic John is the one we know and love, you know, because he was clever with it, so it was very attractive. But, for me, I have more than a slight affection for the John that I knew then, when we were first writing songs, when we would try and do things the old songwriters had done. I slightly regret the way John’s image has formed, and because he died so tragically it has become set in concrete. The acerbic side was there but it was only part of him. He was also such a sweet, lovely man – a really sweet guy. ””

— Paul McCartney, discussing John Lennon [x]

John was a charming man in his own right, charismatic, and funny. Having a good sense of humor is always attractive, and draws people to you. As Paul says, and Elton, John was kind, he was sweet and friendly. He wasn’t always this, Mr. Tough and aggressive, ripping into people with his sharp tongue. He was gentle, he could be gentle, in his own way. Warm, and loving. 

He had this ability to just... make you feel like you’ve known him longer then you actually have. Like you have some sort of, special relationship or connection with him-- that you were the only one who was close enough to see underneath his armor, to know him as intimately as anyone else ever could. 

Course, this was simply how many felt and wanted to be the reality[specifically men], when it wasn’t, not exactly. They didn't really know the real John, they didn't get to see him at his most sincere, when his beautiful armor was chipped away and he was standing naked and scared. He described himself like a chameleon when it came to social settings, when interacting with different individuals [friends], which honestly makes sense as a Libra [Gemini’s are just as guilty of this] 

They got to know a facet of John... Maybe they did get a glimpse of John here and there, but it’s just reality that John didn’t just, open up so easily to people like that. He didn’t like feeling vulnerable, and he had a habit of testing people’s loyalty and love for him [whether it had been consciously or not, I’m not always sure] because of the insecurities and doubt that one day, they’d turn on him or abandon him. 

Again, he had this way in making people [other men] feel as if they had an intimate and special connection with him. And maybe they did to varying degrees. John had a way to act open with others, without actually being open and vulnerable, or at least not fully. I’m not sure if I’m making sense lol

Only ones who I think ever got to know the real John, were Mimi(of course she raised him), Pete (friends since they were just peanuts), Cynthia somewhat, May got glimpses and wanted John to be himself and independent... Yoko to a degree (though she focuses on entirely pushing and talking about Brand John Lennon™)  

And who I know for a fact did, and does know John the most intimately, deeply, unabashedly, is Paul.

But anyway, speaking of being so very attractive, John was attractive. Like, many women and men found him exceedingly attractive, like this one male photographer who believed John was the most handsome out of the band;

“I think John was the best looking, actually. The refined nose.  He never went out of his way to be a disagreeable person.  He would be the one to go over and just sit and sign some little girl’s book...” 

Harry Benson, photographer who took the photo of the iconic pillow fight and other well known Beatle photos, talks about John. [x]

Then we have David Bailey, who described Paul, Ringo, and George as rather pleasant-- while describing John as being a fucker, a bit poky. 

And yet, it was John who David Bailey claimed to like, out of all of them. 

“I didn’t like the Beatles – I liked John ... John was a fucker. Paul was always the nicest guy in the world. George, he always seemed full of angst. Ringo always seemed Mr Nice Guy. But John was a bit poky; I liked him.” 

-- David Bailey Originally; published in the March 2014 issue of British GO magazine.

That’s honestly the only parts of the interview worth reading, Bailey is sort of a dickhead and clearly seems biased against Paul, and just The Beatles as a band in general, so [which is fascinating. Considering he might’ve been peeved towards Paul ever since John brought his partner along for that photoshoot because he didn’t want to go in alone lol]

Mick did love John, though in what way or in what varying degree, is up for discussion and personal conclusion. Just like how it’s up to interpretation and discussion how much and in what way David Bowie, Elton John, Harry Nilsson, Mal Evans, Billy Preston, and Brian Epstein loved John. 

But it’s clear as day that, in my opinion, they almost all seemed to have some sort of man-crush on him. A serious admiration. Harry Nilsson sounded like he was in a bro-mance with John [or at least he wanted to be in one with him]

Course we can’t forget Paul, but we all know that Paul loved John in such varying degrees, it’s truly impossible to label it. They’re soulmates, can’t really categorize the love between soulmates so easily. 

Anyway, point of this all; Mick definitely had it bad for John, but then again who didn’t? 

[mrs-dynamight]

Be Nice To Me 5

Part 4.

*************************************************

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem!Reader, Denki Kaminari x fem!Reader

Warnings: Eventual mature content, angst, hurt/comfort, love triangle, the reader is lowkey toxic, everything will be adressed in every episode (:

Chapter warning: Swearing, steamy make out session (borderline porn but not really), mentions of other couples form 1A

Chapter: 5/?

Synopsis: You're in love with your best friend Bakugou, and you're cofessing to him but things get a lot more complicated when Denki starts to treat you different *wink wink*

Word count: 3.9k

Author's note: This is sooo long, but I loved writing it, I deeply suggest you listen to the song of the title (here). I'm honestly living my coming-of-age indie kid fantasy with this chapter, as always any suggestion is welcomed.

Chapter 5 First Day of my Life- Bright Eyes

Thank to every single Deity that my weekend was packed with internship work so I didn’t have a minute to think about the emotions bubbling up in my heart and my mind, I came to my room exhausted and directly to sleep.

I didn’t talk to any of my friends that weekend, I had a couple of texts from the groupchats, in one of them there were unresolved questions about my date with Katsuki, and on the other one were the flashes for the Fridays gig and good luck wishes to Bakugo who was going to leave the morning after the show, so they planned a goodbye party in the dorms after the gig, Aizawa surprisingly agreed but under any circumstances we were allowed to having alcohol or any other illicit activity inside the UA facilities, not like that could’ve stopped my favourite trio of dumbasses, Mina, Denki and Sero were already planning on smuggle some liquor to the dorms, that was going to be one epic night.

Monday morning finally came, and as much I would love to just spend the day in my bed sleeping and watching Tiktok I needed education, my muscles were sore of the whole weekend roaming the city with Mirko, who seemed unable to getting tired, but I stilled reunited the forces to get dressed, brush my teeth and tried to look like a decent human being, emphasis in the tried part.

As I climbed down the stairs to the common room for a bite of whatever was in the fridge, I saw a beautiful ash blonde guy drinking his usual morning juice with protein powder.

-Morning Draw, you look like shit-

-Well you look handsome as ever ‘Tsuki, thanks for the kind words of the day, you know how to make a woman start the week in the best way possible- I replied while heading to the kitchen

-But seriously what is that Bunny forcing you to do on weekends? Crack? -

I didn’t reply but instead I just blowed him a kiss and start munching on a toast with excessive amount of jam, Tsuyu and Ochako were eating cereal next to Deku, the three of them saw my whole interaction with Katsuki with those weird eyes that just screamed “marry him already”, I told them I had to talk to them, and they all agreed that lunch time with Tenya and Shoto were the gossip time of choice, I waited for the girls to finish eating and we headed class.

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-YOU TWO FINALLY KISSED?!?- Ochako screamed with excitement

-Is he a good kisser? - Asked Deku pulling out his notebook in the “Kachaan” section

-How’s that relevant to the hero notebook? – I asked Deku

-Wait, isn’t he going to another country on Saturday? –

-Well yes Tenya, that’s the other thing I wanted to talk you guys about-

Then I started to explain the whole predicament of waiting for him and his words about that.

-Wow did he really said that having a girlfriend would be a distraction? - said Tsuyu with a concerned look on her face

I didn’t really thought about that harsh phrase, but it was Bakugo, right? He always says things that hurt other people’s feelings, that’s just him

-He sounded honest, but he shouldn’t have hurt your feelings like that-

-It didn’t hurt my feelings, Shoto, I’m used to him saying things like that all the time-

-That can’t be good Y/N, you can’t just get used to people hurting you, especially if you want to have a relationship, and a long-distance one, where things usually get a little tougher- Said Ochako

-I would consider wait for him to return Y/N, so that way you can both be clear about what you expect for each other- Deku said hiding his face in the Katsudon plate in front of him

I wanted to talk to them about what happened with Denki, but I was afraid they just said that I was overthinking, we’ve always been very close friends; but so were they, why was I so reluctant to talk about me and Denki? Maybe saying it out loud could somehow make it more real.

We finished our lunch and headed to class, the rest of the day went pretty neutral, as well as the rest of the week, but the thought of Bakugo leaving haunted me, he didn’t said or did anything special, we didn’t talked about our kiss or our lovely words, it was like it didn’t happen at all, we came back to being just friends. Denki was purposely avoiding me, I could notice it, anytime I wanted to talk to him he just made up some excuse and leave quickly, the rest of the Bakusquad was busy with the whole party preparations and the Dekusquad was as lovely as always, they told me a million times in that week that they will be there for me no matter what I choose to do; as for me, I was just as confused as Monday morning.

I didn’t wanna go to the party, or the gig, I just wanted to go to my room, listen to sad music, and feel pity for myself until I ceased to exist, but it was definitely off limits, I promised Denki I would go with him to the soundcheck, there was only this last one class, but I wasn’t really in the mood for maths, so I decided the best for me was head back to the dorms and stop thinking so much about everything, missing a class wouldn’t kill me.

When my life crumbles down there is only one thing in the whole world that could make me feel better, and that is loud music, so there I was, headphones to the max, airplane mode on, eyes closed and mouthing every word like a prayer, I felt like every lyric was washing away my worries and doubts, reassuring me that everything was (not) okay, I was so concentrated in my music I didn’t heard the knocking on my door, and didn’t heard a certain blonde calling my name, it was until I felt a big hand in my shoulder that I realized that Bakugo wasn’t in class either, but in my dorm room, with a worried face.

-Fucking dumbass, why aren’t you in class? You’re going to fail math, again-

-I wasn’t feeling like going to class- I said with a bit of guilt, it probably sounded like a lame ass excuse, but at least it was the truth

-Not feeling like going to class? What the fuck do you think this is, a game? Math is your worst subject and if you fail I won’t be here to tutoring you, you can’t fail-

He was worried, I could tell, he just turned every emotion in pure acidic rage, not like knowing this would make his words hurt less, I didn’t want to admit that the thought of being far from him made my heart ache and my eyes water, and it didn’t help the lack of contact of the week, I was looking forward to another one of his tender kisses, or any sign that what happened last Friday was real

-I’m hurt Katsuki, a week ago it seemed like you wanted to be with me, despite everything and this past days you were acting like nothing happened, I don’t know what to think or what to do, I don’t know what's going on with you, how are you feeling, you don’t say anything, you don’t do anything, you just hide your feelings away in your cocoon of rage-

-See, that is exactly why I didn’t want to kiss you in the first place, I knew it would only lead to problems, that’s the reason I didn’t want to tell you I liked you before going away, I knew you would react like this, I told you the truth, I can’t be your Boyfriend, I’m sorry if that hurts your feelings-

And surprisingly I found myself inside his big arms in a tight hug, his face hiding in the crook of my neck, I put my arms around his slim waist and we just stayed there for a solid ten minutes before breaking the contact.

-I don’t want this to hurt you Y/N, I can’t be with you right now, I can’t give you what you need, and as I told you the other night, I don’t want you wasting your time waiting for me-

-I don’t wanna let you go ‘Tsuki- I said with tears in my eyes

-You won’t, think it like this, if this is meant to be, and I know it is, when we see each other again, in a better place, in a better time, it will happen. I don’t know where or when, but I promise you we will be together, but please don’t throw your life away waiting for me-

- That sounded as if we were breaking up-

-We aren’t, this is only the beginning, I promise-

I was being selfish, it was obvious that this was also hurting him, he was being mature and caring, thinking about what was good for the both of us, before the things we wanted, maybe he was right, this was meant to be, just not right now, right person wrong time troupe right, but with a happy ending, right?

That was one of the most bittersweets moments in my life, I was happy to know that Bakugo thought about us as endgame, just like I did, we were still young, we had plenty of time, all the time in the world, I shouldn’t have worried about his feelings, he told me I should never doubt that he liked me, and I was willing to make that compromise.

-Let’s have a good time tonight, ‘Tsuki, for what I know, tomorrow you could be kissing some European woman and forgetting our promise-

-You get jealous that easy, Draw? Already afraid you’d lose me, huh? - He said with a smirk on his face and getting closer to me

I swallowed with nervousness, but I didn’t break the visual contact

-Aren’t you afraid I fall for another guy in the meanwhile? -

-You’ll have to find someone better than me first, and we both know there isn’t such thing, and besides that, you’re not mine, I don’t owe you, I only own the feelings you have for me, and as long as those exist I’ll do everything to be with you. So, that’s a no, I don’t care about any other guy- He said with his lips softly brushing against mines -But right now, I want to be the only thing in your mind- And saying those words he kissed me.

He wasn’t being gentle like the last time we kissed, there was a hunger, a neediness within his kiss, he wasn’t being rough tho, but I could feel the burning intensity in his movements. He pulled apart and looked into my eyes for any sign of discomfort, but when he met my half lidded gaze filled with love, he slammed his lips against mines one more time, his tongue brushed my lips asking for consent to enter my mouth, to which I responded opening it just enough for him to start moving it, massaging it with my own with a rhythmic pace, his hands travelled down to my hips, it seemed like he wasn’t nervous at all, but I on the contrary was almost shaking, we broke the heated kiss with flushy cheeks and sweaty hands, I looked into his eyes and I could see the lust behind his crimson irises. A million questions started bubbling in my mind, does this means he want to have sex with me? Right here and now? He must have noticed the concerned look in my face because his next words were

-Hey, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, sorry if it was too much-

-It wasn’t, it’s just I’ve never, I mean I haven’t… have you? – I asked with an obvious blush on my cheeks

-Just once, it wasn’t bad, but I figured out it could have been better if it was with someone I loved, like you. We don’t have to do anything tho, I just wanted to kiss you-

A strange relief passed my body, he didn’t want me to give myself to him in this exact moment, and I was glad for it, as much as I loved him I felt like this wasn’t the right moment for it, but I still wanted to do other things with him, I mean, this was his last day in the UA, and my first time making out with somebody, we still had a few of hours before the soundcheck. I lead him to my bed and pushed him into it so he could be sitting.

-Y/N are you sure you want to do this? – He wanted to be sure that there was no pressure in doing anything I didn’t want to

-We don’t have to go all the way in, I just want to make sure you feel loved and have fun on your last day, and besides, we already missed math class- And just as this last words escaped my lips I sat in his lap and started kissing his cheekbones softly, his hands went from his sides to my hips as he started to plant open mouth kisses in my neck, sending a shiver down my spine.

-And what about you? You want to feel loved too? – He said against my ear, nibbing at the lobe, I nodded softly, closing my eyes and giving myself in to the feeling of his strong hands in my body, his raspy voice in my ear and the feeling of his lust between my legs.

Our heated make out session made me forgot everything I had in my mind, I was only focused in Bakugo, I couldn’t even began to explain how loved he was making me feel in that moment.

-I have to go packing, but I really like your lips, see my problem here? – He said with a sigh, after a while -I’m actually not in the mood for a party tonight, I would rather having a good night of sleep-

-You’re so boring ‘Tsuki, you sound like an old man with two divorces who is starting to get bald-

-‘Tch, would you rather seeing me drunk and staying up late and doing dumb shit I’ll regret about when I sober up like the rest of those losers? –

-Yes! Only this one time, before you have to go away, let’s get drunk and watch the sunrise, then I could go on with my life in peace-

- Ugh and being hungover in a 7-hour fly? Really, that is your idea of a last night with me? –

I tried to make the best puppy eyes I could as I just said “pretty please” in the most dramatic way possible.

-UGH fine, but don’t you forget that you owe me something for being a fucking loser in Mario Kart-

-Anything for you ‘Tsuki- I said while planting a kiss on his cheek

With a smirk on his face he told me he would tell me what he wanted right before leaving, and I was okay with that, we said goodbye with one last kiss and he went to his dorm room to finish packing. Then I remembered I had my phone on Airplane mode, as I deactivated it I saw a bunch of unread messages, most of them were from my concerned friends asking if I were okay, I answered in the dekusquad groupchat that everything was fine, and immediately they began asking questions about Bakugo and me being both missing math class, I replied a single smiling emoji and they knew we were together. Denki messaged me about ten minutes ago “Hey Y/N I can’t wait for you to come to the soundcheck with me” followed by a cursed image of someone T-posing on top of a drumset, I couldn’t help but laugh, and I replied with an even more cursed image.

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I was in Denkis car, Katy Perry blasting through the speakers and Denki and I having a carpool karaoke singing Last Friday Night like our life depended on it, it felt like he hasn’t being avoiding me all week, there we were laughing and having a good time. The soundcheck was actually really funny, Jirou who is usually very quiet was obviously the leader, giving orders here and there, I wasn’t completely alone while the band was getting ready to perform, Momo was an official member of the band but she didn’t continue playing with them, but she never missed one of Jirous’ performances, they were obviously very much in love, I couldn’t help to notice the way she looked at Jirou the whole time, and I wondered if that was the same way I looked at Bakugo, I remembered the words that Tsuyu said to me, does everyone knew I was in love with Denki?...

Shit, my mind pictured Denki when my train of though was about Bakugo; it probably were because I was watching Denki plugging his guitar and waving at me at that exact same moment, or did I really thought of Denki when I was thinking about love? A feel of guilt started to build in my heart, just a few hours ago I was making out with Bakugo, and now I was watching Denki going different directions with cables and amplifiers and I couldn’t help but feel like I was in love with him. Momo probably noticed my worried expression because she asked me if everything was right, I just had to lie and tell her that I was okay when in reality I was panicking, I excused myself and went to the bathroom to splash some cold water in my face like the actresses do in every movie to calm themselves down, and apparently it worked, so with more confidence I walked out of the bathroom. When I came back to the table Momo and I were sharing I noticed that people were starting to arrive, I sat next to Momo again and tried to have a casual conversation about school, training, internships and just normal student stuff when I felt a well-known pair of hands covering my eyes.

-Hi Denki- I said as I chucked

-How did you knew it was me? – He genuinely asked

-How couldn’t I? -

-Hey Kaminari, we’re starting in ten- Said Jirou planting a kiss in her girlfriends’ lips

Bakugo arrived just in that exact same moment, I almost forgot he was also going to perform, I didn’t know how to act with other people around us, I wanted to kiss him, but I also didn’t want Denki to see it, I couldn’t help but feel like an awful person for my last thought.

-Hey Draw, long time no see you- Said Bakugo like his tongue wasn’t on my throat a few hours ago

I flipped him off with a smile and blowed him a kiss and continued talking with Denki about who would win in a fight between a bear and a shark, we were currently discussing how long the bear could hold his breath, I turned my head to look at Bakugo and he was already staring at us with the saddest expression I’ve ever seen, and as he noticed my eyes on him he changed it to his usual annoyed one

-You two are the dumbest persons I know- He said, giving us one of his angry looks

-Guys, we’re up- Said Tokoyami grabbing his guitar pick and heading to the stage

-Break a leg guys! - Said Momo giving Jirou one last good luck kiss

Bakugo winked an eye to me and went to the stage without saying anything, my eyes followed his figure to the stage when a sudden voice in my ear made me jump a little bit

-Keep your eyes on me- Whispered Denki in my ear before planting a kiss on my cheek

They started the show, the powerful voice of Jirou quickly caught everyone’s attention, they gotten better over the years, you could tell they were in their prime, usually my eyes were always fixed in the blonde drummer, but tonight they were mesmerized with Denkis fingers skilfully playing with his guitar chords, pearls of sweat in his forehead, a big smile on his face, and golden eyes all over me, he looked perfect.

Suddenly I began to notice everything the boy did, every time his voice intertwined with Jirous’ for a perfect harmony, every movement looked so natural and… sexy? I didn’t noticed I was holding my breath until I heard Shotos’ voice next to me, trying to be heard over the noise coming from stage

-Sorry we’re late, Tenya got lost-

I heard it, but my mind was somewhere else, it was in Denkis’ Kaminari palm. It was almost an hour of absolute bliss, without a single thought crossing my mind just the image of the boy in front of me. I heard the last song of their setlist and prepared for the usual announcement of the end of the show but instead they all waved and came down from stage, all except one, Denkis’ voice was a little shaky when he spoke on the microphone:

-Hi everybody! Thank you so much for coming today, hope you’re doing alright, now we don’t usually do this, but you’ll see, tonight is a very special night, the last one for a while because we’re going to be drummerless tomorrow morning, sooo anyways, I would like to sing a very special song for a very special someone who is here with us tonight, she’s just everything to me, Y/N this is for you-

I felt like I was on fire, the rush of blood went straight to my cheeks, I was suddenly shaking with nervousness, my palms were sweating and I swore everyone could hear my heartbeat, I didn’t wanted to look away from Denki, but I could feel my friends eyes on me. Was this actually happening? The first chords of Denkis’ acoustic guitar confirmed that it wasn’t a dream, his soft voice drowned every other sound, suddenly everything else went dark, it was only the two of us. I paid attention to the words he was saying, he was pouring his heart out, in front of everyone, for me

"Yours was the first face that I saw

I think I was blind before I met you"

This was a love song; Denki was telling me he loved me with every syllable coming out of his mouth and every note from his guitar

"And so I thought I'd let you know

Yeah, these things take forever, I especially am slow

But I realized that I need you

And I wondered if I could come home"

It was perfect, I couldn’t help but tearing up, nobody has ever done something remotely as romantic as this, he sounded so sincere, so drunk with affection, he was obviously nervous, but his eyes were fixed on me

"I'm glad I didn't die before I met you

But now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you

And I'd probably be happy

So if you wanna be with me

With these things there's no telling

We just have to wait and see

But I'd rather be working for a paycheck

Than waiting to win the lottery.

Besides, maybe this time is different

I mean, I really think you like me."

The last strumming of his guitar vanished in the air, and suddenly everything went back to normal, the people around us, the noises, the shocked faces in my friends faces, and the absence of Bakugo.

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Wowowow this was an emotional rollercoster, but what can I say I love drama, thanks to @warrior-princess1 for proof-reading this

Taglist: @mikasalt

[mbrokenheart93]

X - Wing

Character: Poe Dameron

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Princess!FemReader.

Inspired by (Song) : Your Love / The Outfield

Warnings: Mentions of Death. Mentions to First Order. Post!TROS. Fluff. Funny.

Author's Note: Ok, here we go again.

This was the 7° fic about Poe that I'd write in a same week a few months ago. Maybe I have more than... 20 without finished, to be honest.

But this is one of my favourites, so... I hope you like it!!! XOXO 😘😘😘

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Josie's on a vacation far away, Come around and talk it over, So many things that I want to say, You know I like my girls a little bit older, I just want to use your love tonight, I don't want to lose your love tonight

The song plays in that small cabin where, being observed from the outside, a black x-wing with orange sectors performs pirouettes under the sky of Aureallis, attracting the attention of many little ones and that of a man who does nothing but let out full snorts of annoyance. He felt his blood boil, and although he knew that he was there with his friends at the request of General Organa, he could not get out of his head that the blurred image he had seen a few days ago seemed the x -wing of him.

Now he could confirm it.

That beautiful ship that he loved so much and that he had lost when he was captured by the First Order doing pirouettes as if it were a show plane.

Poe Dameron wanted to throw up.

He restrained himself from doing so when his best friend approached, standing next to him and looking for what his friend was looking at in the sky.

- What do we observe?

- Do you see the little ship doing pirouettes? - The young man shook his head looking at the entire pink sky, characteristic for the presence of a strange form of iron in the atmosphere that did not make it toxic to any species, especially to humans. The pilot, impatient and even more nervous, took the head of his friend and turned it to where the ship was at that moment. Finn exclaimed a sound similar to surprise and then turned, as he could, his face towards Poe, who seemed to be burning fire from his eyes.

- It's very similar ... - he left the sentence half finished as the ship began its descent as if it were a living being. The way only he used to treat it. This is how his mother had taught him, to treat a ship as if it were a companion - It is not possible.

The pilot nodded at the same time that Rey saw them, without even thinking about the position that his best friends were: anyone who saw them, they would say they were hugging. She giggled to herself as she allowed herself to be carried away by that private joke they had with Rose, that their affection for each other was a secret and forbidden love for the Resistance.

She could not hide her laughter and that made the two men separate from each other in a second, leaning casually on the railing of the gazebo of that palace.

- You two looked adorable - Finn just smirked and Poe rolled his eyes at how unobvious Finn was to hide his feelings for Rey. He gave his friend a shove and heard him curse, enjoying it. He'd tried anyway to get Finn to seduce Rey, but the man was stubborn about it and she was unchanging. So much so that Poe got tired of trying and began to observe the clumsy attempts at approach of his friend.

- What happened?

- Queen Azala will receive us - The youngest high-fived, BB-8 extended his tool in approval and Poe smiled, although it will be difficult for him to express his feelings towards them, he would do anything to keep them safe and by his side, even if it cost him his life in the attempt - She waits for us in the meeting room.

- Come on - Poe waited for his friends to pass to observe for the last time the one that he once knew to be his ship.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A year and a half later ...

- They're here, Your Highness. - I rolled my eyes as a clear sign of annoyance causing Aimeen to laugh.

- Thank you very much for calling them - I smiled at Palmer, one of my court assistants, who just nodded. I took his hand and he squeezed it as if his life depended on it. Thank goodness I'm not like my mother - Have it ready before they arrive. The commander must receive it in the same condition that he lost it - After so many talks between the Resistance and Aureallis, and establishing a beautiful friendship between us, Rey told me about the x-wing that was on our landing platform. Which turned out to be from Poe, and I felt even more awful. I automatically discussed it with my father when they left and the mechanics team took it upon themselves to leave it as new.

I was eager to see him. It had been over a year since I last saw them, and that tight stomach that barely let me breathe had never gone away. The first time I met him, he was the heir to the throne, now, he was the one who occupied it.

- That thing is imposing - Aimeen indicates the window to me and when I get closer, we see the Millennium Falcon land without any difficulty on our little airstrip. I shook my head and heard the typical beeps coming from the other side of the door, smiled unconsciously and nodded for them to pass.

- Kayla! I'm so glad to see you - Rey's smile conveyed that genuine joy that I also felt when I saw her - Leia sends you her greetings. Nice to see you Aimeen.

- Me too - The two of us melted into a warm hug and I barely separated, I bent down to leave a soft kiss on BB-8's head - How have you been little?

- Beep. Beep. Beeeeep. - We both laughed and when I looked behind her, but no one else came in. Where was he?

- I'm glad to hear that. And the rest of the team? - Ask trying to be as sneaky as possible. A gleam in Rey's eyes made me think that nothing was escaping her. Much less if she was being trained by Leia.

- Finn and Chewie are in the Falcon. Poe is on the lookout, I think he likes the view.

The second my father entered with three more senators, to finish finalizing the details of the information regarding the Empire that the Resistance needed and at that moment I took the opportunity to leave. I walked quickly between the different corridors of the palace and when I reached the door that led to the viewpoint, I doubted what to do.

What would I say? What did I want to see him?

The doors opened so quietly that I didn't even hear them and stood between them. Despite the little wind, I can hear him taking a deep breath and his body moving in time with his breathing.

For a moment I lost myself in my thoughts and imagined him as the type of man out of the novels that my father gave me from his trips to different planets. Romance novels had ruined my head, so much so that this handsome man couldn't be in front of me. Try not to think about it, to look away quickly, not to think about how good it would feel to run your fingers through those jet-black curls and just appeal to the thought of a baby. More precisely in a baby with the appearance of the abominable Jabba.

It did not work.

I tried not to make noise to watch him for a few more minutes, but he barely moved to remove a pair of headphones and leaned on his elbows on the railing, not the slightest hint of turning.

- Your Highness, it's a pleasure that you enjoyed me with your company - I let out a laugh and remembered how intuitive this man was. I didn't even move, instead, he turned around with that arrogant smile that came to love from a distance.

- Commander, it is an honor that you are in Aureallis after such a long time - When the only guard at the viewpoint left, giving us privacy, we looked at each other and burst out laughing at the same time that he approached and hugged me. I took a deep breath hoping to enjoy that feeling of freedom that he always seemed to convey, in addition to that sweet aroma that his brown leather jacket gave off.

- I'm very sorry about what happened to his mother, Your Highness - I nodded as we parted, and we were left in front of the imposing sea of ​​blue waters that flooded 90% of this planet.

- Me too.

- It must have been difficult; losing a loved one and taking responsibility for an entire planet in less than 24 hours.

We were both silent for a few seconds and I didn't know what to answer him. I had been taught what to do when I assumed my role as senator, but I was never prepared to lose my mother. And less for a mistake of the Republic.

-It's never easy, no matter how much you've spent a lifetime preparing for it - I admit looking at him sideways and seeing that he plays with a ring between his fingers. That ring that he never took off and about which I did not dare to ask.

- It was from my mother. She died when I was little. It's the only thing I have of her and I remember her - Sadness invades her voice and I feel like an intruder. He keeps his gaze fixed on some point on the horizon and smiles, dropping her head, like her beautiful curls - I miss her too much.

- I know - I answer him in a sigh and he turns to see me - You turned out to be quite intuitive, Dameron. Leia must be happy.

- Years of practice, Your Highness.

I barely pulled away from her side and crossed my arms trying to look angry. I didn't make it as I looked like I was entertaining him. Could I ever talk seriously to this man?

- Let's get this formality thing over with. We're just Poe and Kayla here. Ok? - He nodded raising his hands as if he wanted to get rid of the guilt of that and shook his head. This man was impossible - Join me.

Poe frowned, but he followed me in complete silence. I was uncomfortable with it but didn't know what we could talk about either. - Won't you ask where I'm taking you?

- I prefer the surprise factor - He was silent again - Nice necklace. I do not know that constellation.

I touched the charm that my father had given me from one of his many trips and smiled. i never took it off me. - It was a gift from my father, from a very, very distant planet, from where you can see our star, Polaris. And they say it is the brightest in his firmament. It is part of the constellation Ursa Minor. This, on the other hand, is "the big spoon" - I hear him laugh and as soon as I turn around he tries to get serious - It is part of the Big Dipper. I could never see it but I know it must be beautiful.

- I never visited Earth, now you mention the Big Dipper, but they say it is a jewel in space.

We walk the last stretch in complete silence and when we get to the ship hangar, he looks at me strangely.

-I would like to give you something - As soon as I open the door I notice that his mouth falls for a moment

But he regains his composure in the second, smiling and walking towards the fully repaired x-wing.

- Is my…

- It was a gift from the First Order to my father when they tried to get him to agree to work with them. He accept it but decline his offer.

- I didn't think I'll see it again. But when I saw it that day that ... Who was it that used it as a pirouette plane? - That's when I realized how much that ship mattered to him.

- I'm sorry about that, but it was irresistible for me to do it - I raised my hands in defense and I pouted at him hoping he didn't scream but all he did was laugh.

- Were you the pilot? - I nodded. I still felt terrible knowing that this one had been stolen. But he loved that ship with his soul, it felt so good to handle it that it should be illegal. In the same way it should be illegal to look so attractive without even trying. I kept my composure but enjoyed looking at it as I pleased while observing the x-wing, always so eye-catching, so attractive and a magnet for glances. For a second I imagined that he was observing me in the same way and that what he felt would be reciprocated, but who would dare to mess with a woman like me?

- It was my hobby before assuming the Crown ... I always liked driving, more after I got on this baby.

- Thank you - He murmur lost in his thoughts as he stroked the wings of that great bird, as I had learned to call it.

- Why?

- For bringing it back to me.

I simply nodded and stepped aside, indicating that he could go out for a spin in it and that when he left, he would have clearance to fly it. I thought that he would automatically climb in and literally fly out of the hangar, and that he would come back late at night, but he patted the wing of his ship and approached where he was.

- I'd like to thank you.

- It is not necessary to thank something that is yours.

- You didn't understand me, I want to - That authoritative tone in his voice made a chill run through me from head to toe - Let me thank you.

He took a few steps closer, closing the distance that separated us, remaining only inches from my lips if it weren't for the fact that he was taking me a few inches extra.

- It's not necessary ... - I wanted to move away but I took my hands and turned, leaving me facing the ship and feeling the slight pressure of his body against mine - Poe...

- When you want to handle an x-wing you must let yourself be carried away and the most important thing you must make him guide you. Someone like BB-8 will be a great help, but you can handle yourself in short intervals - He takes my hands in his and starts moving them in the air as if the x-wing controls were in front of us. I look at him again and I find him looking at me - What?

- Is this your way of flirting with a women?

- It depends.

- It depends? What kind of answer is that?

- Well, not normally. Since none of the women I dated were interested in aviation - He moved my hands in the air again, this time intertwining his fingers between mine - A moment ago you said "it depends"

- mhm... What does it depend on?

- Whether it is working or not.

Color automatically rose up my neck and I felt my body burn. That was an answer I hadn't expected. I tried to focus on whatever he was saying but couldn't remember a word.

- When pass a couple more classes, I'll tell you Flyboy.

[brokutosan]

Title. Oikawa Toruu Is Not A Genius, But He Is A Jackass

Pairings. Oikawa Toruu x Fem!Reader

Summary. In which Oikawa doesn’t always tell his girlfriend things. She finds out anyways.

Warnings. Contains manga spoliers! Oikawa’s inferiority complex is mentioned a lot, as well as his anxieties over it. The title and the summary are misleading, sorry. This is a fluffy imagine (sort of).

“Honey, I’m home!” Oikawa Toruu calls out to a silent apartment. Also, it’s three in the morning, but he’s Oikawa Toruu and Oikawa Toruu could care less if he’s bothering the whole building, so long as he could finally take her in his embrace again (he’s up for a treat when she does wake up though, and not the one he’s expecting).

Oikawa takes note of the subtle changes from when he was last here. For instance, the old hand-me-down couch they got from his mom is replaced by a new, clean, and sleek black couch. There’s also some new additions of little knick knacks here and there, but it still felt like home to him. Kicking off his worn out sneakers by the door, not even bothering to check if it knocked over some of her things, Oikawa heads straight to the bedroom, where he’s welcomed by her sleeping form.

She’s dressed in one of his old Seijoh shirt along with white shorts and her arms are clinging onto a pillow. Oikawa gushes at the sight before snapping a quick picture and taking slow, careful, steps towards the bed.

“If you were gonna sneak around you shouldn’t have announced to the whole fucking neighborhood you were home.” She snorts with her eyes still closed. Oikawa stops dead in his tracks like a deer caught in headlights and remains frozen as if not moving would erase his presence all together.

“Hmph!” Oikawa lets out as his face catches a pillow that was chucked at him by his still sleeping girlfriend. “Nice throw babe. Ever thought of a career switch? I can see you making it big in softball.”

“Stop dicking around and just come here.” She mumbles. Oikawa smiles at the adorable sound of her sleep-induced voice. “As you wish my darling.” He says before throwing all his weight onto her sleeping form.

“Toruu, you jackass!” Oikawa lets out a boisterous laugh at her feeble attempts of freeing herself from his arms. The more she wiggles the tighter his hold gets, before she gives in to his embrace.

“I missed you so much.” Oikawa mumbles into her hair once they’ve settled in. He flips them over so they’re now laying side by side, with one arm slung over her form rubbing soothing circles on her back and the other placed under her head.

“Sorry I couldn’t pick you up from the airport. My boss wouldn’t push back the deadline.” Oikawa shakes his head ‘no’ and mumbles out, “It’s fine. This makes up for it.”

“Good, cus you’ll feel my wrath tomorrow morning.” Oikawa gulps down, knowing she’s totally serious.

-

Oikawa wakes up after the first good night’s sleep he’s had in a few months to an empty bed. He catches a whiff of miso soup which leads him into the kitchen, to a sight he’s been missing after all those years in Argentina.

Hunched over the stove is his girlfriend, clad in an oversized t-shirt while mixing something in the pot. The sight makes him smile, before her voice snaps him out of his daydream. “Oi, don’t just stand there, go set the table.” He salutes and scoops up two bowls of rice and places them down on the table alongside various side dishes.

Y/N sets down the pot she was stirring on the stove, letting Oikawa catch another whiff of her familiar cooking. “Thank you for the meal.” He says with a huge smile on his face. Y/N sits down across from him on table, where she then proceeds to stare him down.

The sight reminds Oikawa of his mom, who’s an expert at chastising him with looks alone. She bites down on a spoonful of rice, not once breaking eye contact with him. Oikawa racks his head for anything that he could’ve done wrong to deserve this mental beating. Their anniversary? No, it’s coming up in two months. Her birthday? Like Oikawa could ever forget. Then -

“Mind telling me why exactly you’re here on a vacation?” Oikawa feels the hairs at the back of his neck shoot up. Of course he couldn’t. If she found out he got sent home from over exerting himself again, she’ll rip his head off.

“I mean, there’s no anniversaries coming up, no birthday, and I doubt you’re here willingly where your team ain’t.” She lists off the facts with her fingers. Oikawa can feel the storm coming, this was only the calm before it.

“If you wanted to hide the fact that you’ve gone and practiced yourself ‘til you collapsed, maybe don’t have me listed as your emergency contact!” There it is. The ‘wrath’ she had mentioned the night before. “I mean seriously, Toruu! Did Hajime not tear your ass apart in highschool enough for practicing too hard?! You want me to do it too?! I’m scarier than that beefy bastard!” Yes, yes she is. Oikawa silently tells himself.

He clears the table of anything she could use against him as a weapon. Her chopsticks, fork, and empty mug, to name a few things.

“Oops?” Oikawa flinches as her palms make contact with the table. “Oops?!” She screeches. Oikawa gulps down a spoonful of miso soup, trying his best to avoid her gaze. He’s expecting more yelling, but is met with a soft look and a teary girlfriend over miso soup and rice. Fuck. He’d prefer the yelling girlfriend.

“Did you know how useless I felt when your coach called me saying you were bedridden for a week because you just didn’t know when to stop?” She lets out a deep breathe and continues, “Like what the fuck was I supposed to do from across the world? Fucking pray you weren’t out there dying? You didn’t even have the decency to call and let me know!”

Despite her larger than life personality that Oikawa has grown to love over the years, the sight of his girlfriend looking so small makes his heart burst from guilt. He fucked up. That much he could admit. His tendency to push higher and relentlessly practice until he felt his lungs begging for a break was always something that worried her, especially now that she’s not exactly within reach to stop him from pushing himself too hard.

“Toruu, I support your dream one hundred percent, even if it’s taking you thousands of miles away from me, but please,” The anger laced in her voice is replaced with desperation, making Oikawa want to reach out and hold her close, “take care of yourself too. If not for yourself, then do it for me.”

He doesn’t know whether it’s the fact that someone cares about him so much to the point it brings her to tears, or the fact that she is in tears, but he feels himself trembling from the burst of affection. Oikawa doesn’t have the best track record of handling his insecurities well, but knowing that that makes her sad makes him want to do better.

Oikawa crosses over the table and gently places her head on his chest, rubbing soothing circles on her back. Though she’s still a bit shaky from yelling and crying, Y/N eventually calms herself down to sniffles and tiny whimpers.

“I’m sorry.” Oikawa decides to speak first.

“I wasn’t looking for an apology.”

“But I’m sorry either way.” He lets his body fall into her embrace, noting this as another thing he’s missed since moving to Argentina. “For not taking care of myself. For not letting you know I collapsed. For always worrying you, but never stopping to check in on you.”

“And I’m sure this’ll happen again in the future,” he earns a light smack on his chest for that, “but I’ll just say sorry for that too.”

“And,” Oikawa mumbles, his face burrowed deep into the crook of her heck, “thank you, for looking out for me even though I don’t deserve it. You can’t understand how much I appreciate knowing you’re there for me, even if it’s not always physical.”

Y/N feels herself relaxing in his embrace, arms finally wrapping themselves around his waist. Her eyes are slightly watery as she looks up and says, “Promise you won’t hide these kinds of things from me anymore?”

Oikawa opens his mouth to respond, but is interrupted,

“And I don’t just mean when you pass out. I mean like if it ever gets hard living alone in Argentina. If you miss home, if you think you’re working too hard and need a break, I want to know everything, Toruu.”

Oikawa simply hums in response, placing a kiss on her forehead. “I promise.”

-

A little while later, after they’ve both calmed down and are cuddling on the couch watching some old movie, Oikawa perks up, suddenly remembering something.

“I brought you a gift, by the way.” He skips off into the bedroom, unzipping one of his many suitcases. (He packed four, plus his carry ons. He’s only staying for two weeks). Y/N is visibly nervous at the fact that this ‘gift’ has a whole suitcase designated for it. Turns out she had a good reason to be.

“What the fuck am I looking at.”

“It’s me!” Oikawa exlaims, one hand forming a peace sign brought up to his face, and the other holding up a horrendous life sized body pillow complete with his face and team uniform. Y/N could only blink, wishing to Christen her eyes from the terrible sight. Or maybe turn back time to before she even saw it. After a long moment of silence, in which Oikawa did not move an inch from his previous position, Y/N finally gathers enough sanity to say,

“Alright, get the fuck out of my house.”

Oikawa decides to dig his own grave by cheekily calling out, “Oh come on babe! Think of it as a coping mechanism for when you’re missing your totally awesome boyfriend-”

A throw pillow makes it’s way to Oikawa’s face. They’re called throw pillows for a reason, because now Oikawa’s forehead is red, tears brimming in his eyes from the loud smack! that met his face hard. But apparently not hard enough seeing as how he still manages to let out a, “nice throw,” over teary eyes and two thumbs up. Y/N thinks her boyfriend might be an idiot.

A/N. Very very very short, I know. I haven’t been writing as much bc I don’t have inspiration for anything??? But I’ll get back into it soon. For now, thank you for reading!! I AM working on the two requests I got, but those might take some time!! Sorry for the wait lol. - chuu

[trolltrash]

So, I wrote a little practice drabble for @captainunderkrupp's Rock Creek AU with my OC. This is my first time seriously writing something so please go easy on it.

This is set a while after the World Tour. River has made the decision to "trust" Creek again, in the loosest sense of the word, despite his common sense and general trust issues screaming at him not too. Creek is really trying, but everything's changed so much and he's worried that this is beyond fixing.

"This is stupid."

"I know."

"This whole thing is stupid."

"You've said that."

"We should turn around now before we embarrass ourselves."

"River."

The troll in question shuffled his feet, arms crossed defensively and shoulders hunched. Creek sighed. Two years earlier, River's self-doubt would've been an easy problem to solve with a few soothing words from the person he trusted the most. Or at the very least put off for a while.

But they're in the present, and this is a River who is learning how to trust people again, despite all the times he was hurt for it.

"Don't you forget that you caused that," hissed Creek's conscience.

"I'm working on it," retorted Creek, "starting with this." Shaking off the creeping guilt, he continued. "They aren't going to hurt you, they'll help you."

"How do you know if they can help me? Or if they even want to?"

"Why wouldn't they? You may have left a.....startling first impression but-"

"You mean the one in your face? Yeah, because attacking someone's adopted family is a great way to meet them." River cut off bitterly.

Raising a hand to his left cheek, Creek grimaced. The bruise had long since faded, but the clear memory of his snarling brother storming towards him on warpath, eyes wild with hatred and grief and the desire to cause suffering.... Creek shuddered. That would never leave him.

"To be fair, that right hook was long overdue." Creek admitted, hoping to ease the tension.

River chuckled at that. "Yeah...." Any hint of a smile slipped back into a frown. "What if I'm just making this up? What if I'm not really rock and I just tricked myself into thinking I am?"

There it is. "For over 20 years? You didn't even know rock music existed until Barb's tour."

"But..."

"I've listened to your music our entire lives, River, and I’ve seen the joy on your face when you hear even a hint of rock. If you can't trust your own judgement, can you at least trust mine?"

Creek knew he misspoke when River's face shifted into a glare. "Oh, sure, because you're so trustworthy," he spat, voice layered with the pain of betrayal, both new and old.

A thick silence settles over the estranged twins.

Creek took a steadying breath. "It’s your decision. You can walk away right now and we can forget about it, or you can come inside and if you’re still not comfortable, you can leave then, too." River raised his head to look up at his brother, desperately searching for any sign of deception. Creek outstretched his hand. "I won’t force you."

River stares at offered hand before hesitantly raising his own, looking for all the world like he wanted to believe his twin and take his hand. Instead, he scrunches his eyes shut and shoves his fist into his pocket.

"Let’s just go inside." He mutters.

Creek lets his own fall and his shoulders slump. "Alright then," and turns to open the door.

[tuffduff]

Road to Being Gone (Nikki Sixx x Reader x Izzy Stradlin)

Pairing: Nikki Sixx x Reader, Izzy Stradlin x Reader

Words: 2,046

Request: @harryroger12 “Hey I was wondering if you could do a nikki imagine where he cheats on the reader and years later like in 89 he sees her dating Izzy Stradlin and sees how happy her and Izzy are and gets jealous. Sorry did bothering you ❤️”

A/N: Okay, don’t get it twisted; I love me some Nikki too. I definitely don’t harbor any ill feelings towards him, it’s all fiction :) Thanks for the request love, you’re never a bother! ❤️

Taglist: @ubernoxa​ ❤️

“Nikki?” This was the 3rd place you had checked tonight—catering—and you were only met with negative shakes of heads and various clueless looks.

Nikki was your boyfriend of almost a year (in fact, you had saved up almost enough to buy him a new bass for your upcoming anniversary) and you had joined him on the Girls, Girls, Girls tour. At first, things had been an exhilarating whirlwind, but lately, Nikki had been distant. He had been all about you at the beginning of the tour, never leaving your side, exploring new cities together and waking up in new hotel rooms…now you were lucky if he came back to your room at all at the end of the night.

Of course, he and his band partied and drank and whatnot; you knew what you had signed up for. It wasn’t like you condoned it, but what exactly could you do? At least there was never a lack of love or devotion. Or so you thought.

“Oh! Tommy, Vince—have you guys seen Nikki?” You were relieved at the sight of two of Nikki’s band mates, but quickly grew confused by the looks they exchanged with each other.

“Tommy, have you seen him? Ah…sorry, Y/N, I haven’t seen him all night.” Vince said, not looking you in the eye.

“Have you tried catering?” Tommy suggested. The both of them were trying to walk away slowly.

“Yeah. That’s where I’m coming from, I just can’t find him.”

“Sorry, Y/N. We haven’t got a clue.” Vince said. You sighed a little to yourself as they walked away, crestfallen and truthfully uncertain of where to go now.

“It’s probably none of my business but…” You jumped at a voice behind you and turned, noticing Izzy Stradlin leaning against the wall. He and his band, Guns N’ Roses, were supporting Motley Crue on this leg of the tour. Izzy was an interesting guy, kind of a mystery; the two of you had never even had a conversation until now, you were surprised he even knew who you were. “They’re lying to you.”

“What are you talking about?” You asked, the tiniest pit of worry developing deep in you stomach.

“Have you tried Vince’s dressing room?” He replied, matter-of-fact seriousness on his face. You frowned a little to yourself.

“No. I checked Nikki’s dressing room, why would I check Vince’s?”

“It’s not like he would be somewhere you could find him.”

“And why wouldn’t he?” Izzy looked down a little, shielding his face from yours. “What are you trying to say? Do you know something I don’t?”

“Unfortunately.” He murmured, pulling out a cigarette and walking the few paces to stand at your shoulder. “Guys talk, sometimes too much. You hear a lot. And I just have a problem with guys disrespecting a beautiful good girl who doesn’t know any better.” You blinked, confused with every word that came from his mouth.

“I need you to be really clear with me,” you began slowly. He blew out smoke, a grim look on his face as he jerked his head.

“I can show you better than I can tell you.”

And that’s how you caught your boyfriend in the act with some groupie who had managed to get backstage. You screamed, you cried out of both anger and betrayal, but the worst part was how Nikki hardly seemed to care. He let you walk away without so much of a word, he merely waved his hand at you dismissively, as if you were complaining over him not taking out the trash. It was like you never knew him and everything suddenly felt very foreign. A mix between what was once familiar suddenly being lost, like losing the ground beneath your feet.

You made your way back to his dressing room to gather your belongings and get the hell out, halfway blinded by tears, but you could tell Izzy was still behind you, offering no words.

“Why are you still here, do you want some kinda tip or something?” You snapped at him. “You probably think I’m stupid as fuck, just like the rest of them. I bet they’ve known for months now. My mom even tried telling me, I would just tell her ‘no, mom. Not Nikki. He isn’t like the rest.’” If you were more aware, you would have been embarrassed by your lack of filter to someone who was practically a stranger. To Izzy’s credit, he listened sympathetically, letting you get it all out. “God…I’m so stupid. To think he could actually love someone like me.”

“Hey,” you were surprised when Izzy spoke up sharply. He made his way over to where you were crumbled on the ground and knelt down beside you. “You’re not stupid for thinking that. You’re not stupid for hoping that, for wanting that. You should expect that. And that’s his fault for not living up to it. You’re an amazing woman, you shouldn’t settle for anything less than what you deserve.”

“You don’t even know me,” you whispered in despair, a few stray tears still slipping down your cheeks. To both your surprise and fascination, you watched a strange pink color flood his cheeks as he chuckled awkwardly and looked to the ground.

“Yeah, I know.” He muttered, peeking up at you through his hair. “But I wish I did.”

It took you a long time to get over your initial shock and heartbreak. It took you even longer to get rid of that moment with Izzy, and soon, he was all you thought about. And right when you thought you were going crazy, dreaming of some strange and maybe a missed connection, you got a phone call.

“Is this Y/N?”

“This is she, who’s this?” You heard a relieved and breathless laugh on the other end.

“It’s really you; man, you wouldn’t believe the detective work I’ve had to do just to get your number. I didn’t even know your last name. All I knew was Y/N. I’ve been trying to find you since the last night I saw you.” You felt your breath catch in your throat.

“Izzy?” You asked, hearing him laugh a little again.

“I even had the guys in my band helping me.” You smiled a little, already melting a bit inside. How many times had you dreamed of this? “How have you been doing? I know it’s rough after a break-up, I was hoping you weren’t taking it too hard.”

It was a surprise. Truthfully, you had been expecting him to ask you out immediately, but he hadn’t. You would’ve said yes too, but he was more focused on your well-being.

“I’ve been great, actually. I mean, it was hard at first. I think the worst part was him making me doubt myself, you know? Sometimes I would catch myself wondering why I wasn’t enough, but I knew when I did that I was being stupid.”

“It had nothing to do with you. Like I said, some guys just don’t know what they have in front of them.” You nodded to yourself on the line, tangling the cord between your fingers and feeling butterflies beginning to flutter in your stomach. “You know, for the record, I didn’t like being that guy. But I wasn’t about to let you keep thinking he actually cared when he didn’t. You didn’t deserve that.”

“I never got to say thank you.” You murmured. Suddenly, you could feel your heart pounding and you held onto the cord tighter. “Listen…I know you’re probably really busy, but…if you ever have free time, I’d really like to see you.” You cringed, thrown off by your spontaneous wave of bravery.

The line was silent for a while and you almost hung up out of the crippling embarrassment. “Are you asking me on a date?” He finally asked. You swallowed, trying to cure your dry throat.

“I-If you want it to be.” You replied shakily. “I mean, I, you know, we can be just friends if you prefer, if you’re not interested—”

“Woah, woah.” You heard him cut you off with a soft laugh that made the butterflies grow stronger. “I’d really like that. I’m almost kind of relieved, I was thinking about asking you, but I just thought it would be a dick move, and I wasn’t really sure if you were ready for that…I was prepared to wait.” Your heart soared and you knew you were already on the road to being gone, lost in this wonderful man.

“I don’t want to wait anymore.”

The both of you clicked immediately and suddenly everything in your life made sense, why it had all happened with Nikki, what a real, healthy, relationship was supposed to be like, not one built on flimsy infatuation and illusions. You and Izzy took it slow, but it was an unspoken agreement between the two of you that you were both already deeply in love, despite not even saying it for months. You waited for the butterflies to go away, but they never did; you had never been so happy.

Fast forward two years and people closest to you wouldn’t stop asking when you were going to get married, when were you going to have kids…You and Izzy even bought a house together with more rooms and space than you needed; a promise for your future family. He had even quietly given you a ring, another promise for your future.

You had accompanied Izzy to the VMA’s in 1989, and had the pleasure of watching him perform from backstage, glowing with pride, when you heard your name from behind you.

“Y/N?” It was an old voice that brought familiarity you didn’t want to remember. You never expected to face Nikki again. He looked so different—sober, you realized. More tattoos, a healthier glow to his skin, and a bright look in his clear eyes at the sight of you.

“Oh…hi, Nikki.” You murmured uncomfortably. Nikki stepped towards you as though he were in a daze, eyes quickly filling with a million questions.

“You look great,” he breathed, before he chuckled awkwardly. “I, uh…would offer you a hug but maybe I should offer you a free punch. I know I was a real dick to you.”

“Yeah.” You muttered. “It’s fine, Nikki, really. It’s in the past…” You replied, glancing back towards the stage.

“It isn’t fine, Y/N. I wasn’t in the right state back then. I was in denial; I had no idea how bad I had gotten. And I didn’t even realize how good I had it when I had you, but when I did, it was too late.”

“There’s no hard feelings.” You told him again, dismissively.

“I just want to apologize. You didn’t deserve any of that. I was so stupid, Y/N.”

“To be honest with you, Nikki, I’ve moved on already. I haven’t really given it much thought, so it’s all cool now.”

“You’ve moved on…?” He trailed off when his eyes landed on Izzy, returning to your side finally from the stage. Izzy hadn’t yet noticed Nikki and wrapped an arm around your shoulder and placed a kiss to your head.

“Ready to go, babe?” He asked you, slightly stiffening when he caught sight of Nikki.

You watched Nikki suddenly get the picture, his eyes landing on the ring you wore on your wedding finger and back up to Izzy’s arm now wrapped protectively around your waist. It was the first time you had ever seen pain in his eyes, the first time Nikki Sixx ever gave proof he had a heart.

“Ah…” Nikki muttered curtly, looking Izzy up and down. For a moment, you held your breath, waiting for him to cause a scene. You could tell he was fighting some inner battle in his head, weighing his options. Finally, he started stepping back and took one last look at you. “...Guess I get it now. Well, it was nice seeing you, Y/N.” He murmured, uncharacteristically humbled as he walked away, still casting a look over his shoulder at Izzy who remained unbothered.

“What’s he talking about?” Izzy asked you curiously. You let out the breath you had been holding and leaned up to kiss his lips.

“That I deserved better and finally got it.”

[theultimatenonbinarynerd]

I thought I was your hero Thoughts/Theories

Ok so @patton-cake shared their thoughts on the I Thought I Was Your Hero Line but I myself have some thoughts which could greatly affect the future of the series as we've seen Thomas not trust a side but we've never ever seen one of the sides doubt Thomas. If a side doubts Thomas that's not good at all and it means Roman is doubting his existence as well.

So let's analyse.

So I need you to travel back in time to I Am Original the time where Roman looked like he was wearing rags.

So I Am Orginal is the original source for this heartbreaking comment. This episode introduced us to Romans insecurities and doubts. If it's been a while since you saw the episode let me give you the lowdown.

In this episode, Thomas was having doubts whether he was original and this made Roman demand daydream mode so that he could come up with an idea. The sides accept Patton started dissing Romans ideas when he wanted validation and to impress Thomas. "Anxiety" also was the most cruellest dubbing all the ideas unoriginal.

So because of Logan and Virgil tearing him down, he gave up and began doubting himself. Thomas reassured him that Roman could never let him down and that despite the ideas not being completely original they were still good.

Then Roman because of that felt the confidence to share his name because it was a serious moment. Also, may I point out apart from Logan (Seriously Patton you should have allowed Logan to reveal his name when he trusted Thomas) the sides have revealed there names as a sign that they trust Thomas.

So after Roman revealing his name, Thomas returns the trust by saying.

"Hey Roman, your my hero."

This really affected Roman because you know he is based off Princes from fairy tales.

Princes/Heros are seen as the good guys in fairytales so it reassured Roman that his existence was good and that Thomas didn't hate him.

But then the new episode, Roman is a product of black and white morality. If there's no evil then he shouldn't exist, the original creativity should have never split. He thinks he has to be flawless because he's "good creativity."

That is why he laughed at Janus's name he was scared. If not everything is black and white he needs to accept Remus and he really struggles with that because Remus is everything he doesn't want to be.

So when Janus saids the moustache comment with pure bitter hatred because may I remind you Roman said it jokingly but still rude whilst Janus replied with pure hatred in his voice. (I'm an actress, im good at telling people's tone of voice)

Patton and Thomas don't say anything about that comment when Roman looks at them they completely turn away in shame as if they agree. So Thomas and Patton not saying anything literally means that unfortunately, Roman has misinterpreted and thinks that they agree with Janus and think that he is evil and the villain.

So when Roman sees their expressions he replies with.

"I thought I was your hero."

Basically, he's saying what the heck Thomas I thought you said you liked me I thought you said I helped you, I thought you said I was good.

After the nod, we get another heartbreaking line.

"Wow. I can't believe this. Did you forget that he's evil?! You're not! Or you're not supposed to be; you're supposed to be good!"

Roman, are you ok buddy? You're clearly directing this at yourself. Thomas and Patton have lost Romans trust because they didn't make it clear that they didn't hate Roman. Roman now thinks that Thomas and Patton are against him. Eventually in the future, we could get an line like this.

"If not everything is a black and white then why do I exist!"

I don't think Patton checking up on Roman went well. I think he screamed at Patton and told him how he will never trust Thomas and Patton ever again.

I think Roman will rebuke his name and title. Thomas has lost Romans trust, the Thomas he knew is dead to him. It is very possible Roman will only let them call him Creativity.

When a side reveals there name it's a sign that a side is willing to open up and trust Thomas. Janus now trusts that Thomas will do the right thing but Roman doesn't. Roman isn't going to help someone that agrees that he's the villain is he now.

So that's my theory let me know your thoughts and reblog with your own.

Tagged: @ghostlygalactics @thefingergunsgirl @misconceivedcapricorn @sandersidestheories @romanangstismyfuel @lyssini @romansanders @royalprinceroman @romanstan @itriedandimtired @imperfectly-princey @ithoughtiwasyourhero @sandersidess

@full-of-roman-angst-trash

[everwitch-magiks]

dance with somebody (ch. 16)

start from ch. 1 | back to ch. 15

When Dex steps into Chowder’s bedroom, his single knock on the open door no more than a nostalgic habit, these days, as opposed to a present requirement, he’s certainly not expecting to be faced with, well. With this.

“What’re you doing?”

Chowder looks up. He’s sitting cross-legged on the floor with a myriad of different colored post-it notes spread out around him. Dex crouches down, picking up a couple of the notes (yellow and pink, respectively) to skim through their contents. Louis, helped solve Halloween cupcake disaster, 2 points. Hops, volunteered to do dishes entire week, 6 points.

Dex raises both eyebrows towards Chowder. Chowder, meanwhile, is staring down at the colorful mess surrounding him with a decidedly troubled expression. He sighs.

“I’m figuring out my dibs.”

“With a points system?” Dex prompts. He’s not sure if he’s impressed or concerned. “Looks ambitious.”

“I just don’t want anyone to think that I’m being unfair,” Chowder explains glumly. He picks up a green post-it (Jader, gave up half his vanilla scone at breakfast, 1 point) and stares at it dejectedly. “Or that I don’t care about them. Oh no, what if I pick Jader, and then Joyo inevitably assumes that I hate him? I could never do that to Joyo."

“Dude,” Dex says. He’s trying very hard not to smile. “You don’t have to make a decision yet, you know? It’s not even Christmas.”

Chowder frowns.

“It's almost Christmas.”

“I suppose,” Dex agrees carefully. “Are you sure this isn’t just some big procrastination project? Got any big finals looming, hm?”

“Finals,” Chowder scoffs. “Are finals really more important than the precious feelings of our hardworking underclassmen?”

“Oh my God. What’s all this?”

Nursey strolls into the room without knocking. He places a kiss on top of Dex’s head and then plops himself down between Dex and Chowder, his hand lingering softly at Dex’s nape.

“Chowder is having a bit of a dibs crisis,” Dex fills him in.

“Oh, man. Hard same.” Nursey frowns. “I was dead set on giving mine to Ford. Of course Ollie and Wicks had to go and snag her, first.”

“She and Tango seem pretty happy up in the attic, though,” Dex points out. "And this way, you get to be hausmates with both of them this year."

“I suppose that's true," Nursey allows. Then he shrugs. "And I guess I’ve still got Louis. He’s let me borrow his good bluetooth speakers basically this whole semester, so. Might be an option."

“What?” Chowder exclaims. “No, wait, I might pick Louis. You two couldn't maybe give me some time to figure this out, before you stake your claims?"

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works, C,” Dex tells him gently.

“That’s definitely not how it works,” Nursey agrees, his grin playful yet his tone kind. “If there’s someone you have in mind, Chow, you should just go for it. You snooze, you lose."

Chowder whips his head around, aiming his wide, pleading eyes at Dex.

“You’re not considering Louis, too, are you?”

“Honestly? I wish I was considering anyone.” Dex sighs. “I would’ve gone with Whiskey, but obviously that’s out, and I feel like the Waffles have gotten this strange aversion to doing any of those dibs type favors for me since I became captain. I think they don’t want to act like they’re sucking up for the wrong reasons, or something.”

“Maybe give them some proper incentive?” Nursey suggests merrily. “If word got out that you’re, like, completely undecided about dibs, I’m sure both the Waffles and the Scones would be falling all over themselves to please you. Might be fun to watch.”

“Nah. I’ll figure it out eventually.” Dex shrugs. “Graduation is still really far away. I’m not gonna worry about it, yet.”

“It’s not that far away,” Chowder disagrees. He sounds serious. “Guys, it’s almost Christmas. That means we're graduating in less than six months.”

Dex very nearly flinches. Six months? How is that even possible?

“That can’t be right,” Nursey says slowly. His expression has turned uncharacteristically unchill. “Fuck. Why haven’t I applied to more grad programs, yet?”

“I need to start looking at job listings more seriously,” Chowder chimes in. He's looking down at his post-its with an expression that’s unusually difficult to read. “I guess I can't put it off forever."

“Hey,” Dex says. He’s trying his best to sound reasonable, despite his own inner turmoil. Suddenly, the feeling of Nursey’s hand that’s still resting at his nape seems more important than ever. “It’s not over yet. We’ve still got a whole semester.”

“Yeah,” Nursey says quickly. “Yeah, you’re right. And even after, it’s not like you guys are ever gonna be rid of me. Got your backs, remember?”

“That's true,” Chowder agrees quietly. He’s not smiling, Dex notes with no small amount of concern. Especially considering the fact that Chowder kind of hasn't smiled at all since the start of this conversation. His whole expression looks wrong, somehow, without that familiar spark of effortless joy. “It’s all happening so fast. I wish everything could slow down, just a bit.”

“We’re just gonna have to make every moment count,” Dex says firmly. Impulsively, he reaches for Chowder’s shoulder. “We’re here for you, man. You know that, right? We're always gonna look out for each other. Always."

“Of course. Yeah, of course.” Thankfully, that seems to do the trick – Chowders lips curl into a soft grin. "Ugh. I think I'm just gonna go through my notes for that UX design final one more time. Can't be more stressful than trying to choose a single Waffle for dibs."

"Or a Scone," Nursey reminds him brightly. "There's some good freshies, too, let's not forget."

"Says you, who's got your eye on Louis, too," Chowder points out with an amused roll of his eyes. "I may be panicking, Nurse, but I'm certainly not stupid."

"Ah, and here though myself completely subtle." Nursey grins. "Weren't you gonna study?"

"Actually, yes." Chowder gets to his feet, only to immediately pause. He narrows his eyes towards Nursey. "But if you lock down Louis while I'm stuck cramming user interface design techniques, you can expect some serious payback."

"Chill, man." Nursey's grin softens. "Look, I haven't actually decided on Louis yet, but if it would make you feel better we could have some sort of dibs treaty until the end of finals week. After that, it's anyone's game. Sounds good?"

"I suppose that’s fair." Chowder nods, and Dex is relieved to see the genuine smile he offers in return. "I think I left my books downstairs, so. See you guys later."

He pads out of his room, leaving Dex and Nursey alone in the sea of post-its.

Immediately, Nursey scoots a little closer to Dex.

"Just us, huh," he remarks, his tone a clear attempt at casual even though his smile indicates otherwise. "D'you wanna get lunch, or something?"

Dex hesitates.

"I've actually got some things I need to work on," he says carefully. "Could we maybe meet up later?"

"Sure. Of course." Nursey's response comes just a little bit too quickly. "That's chill, man. Whatever you need."

Dex studies his boyfriend's expression for a moment. It's been a concern of his, ever since he started setting aside time to work on his secret project, that Nursey might eventually start to realise there's something Dex isn't telling him. Dex has been monitoring carefully for any sign of doubt or confusion on Nursey's end, and this is the first time he thinks he's seeing exactly that in the subtle frown that's replaced Nursey's relaxed smile from a moment earlier. Obviously, it's the opposite of what Dex hopes to achieve with his secrecy.

Thankfully, the solution is very simple.

"Hey," Dex says quietly. "It's for you."

Nursey looks puzzled.

"I'm doing something for you," Dex clarifies. "That's why I've been a little busy, lately. It's going to be a surprise."

"Oh," Nursey says. He sounds surprised, already. "You're… Huh. What is it?"

Dex grins softly.

"A surprise. Duh."

Nursey raises a curious eyebrow.

"Don't I get a hint?"

"You really don't understand the concept of a surprise, do you?"

"Fine. Be that way." Nursey smiles a little excitedly, and Dex relaxes a bit. "I suppose I'll see you at dinner, then? The guys all want to go to Jerrys.”

"Actually, can we do dinner just you and me?" Dex asks quickly. "There's been so much team stuff, lately, and I've honestly kind of missed us. Tonight, I want to just... Order in. Preferably from someplace that makes a mean garlic bread. And after, we should put on Netflix and get in bed so I can cuddle you while you rant about the dubious plot changes in another one of those Austen adaptations."

Nursey blinks. For some reason, he's staring at Dex with a serious look in his eyes, one that's only vaguely familiar.

"What?" Dex asks, a little self-consciously. Was it something he said? “You like those period dramas. Don’t you?”

Nursey drops his gaze. He takes Dex's hands in his and holds them gently, almost like they're something delicate, like Dex is someone precious and worthy of protection.

"You're in love with me," he says quietly. "Aren't you?"

Oh, shit.

It's true, is the thing. And honestly, Nursey can’t have been unaware of it up until this moment. Really, he must have known. Dex might never have said it in so many words, and they’ve technically only dated for a few months, but it’s not like either of them are blind to the fact that they were dancing around this thing between them for several years, before. That goodnight kiss out on the porch at the very first kegster of the fall was never the beginning.

Dex briefly considers making some sort of joke to downplay this moment, if only to stop Nursey from being completely obnoxious about it in a minute or so. Except, the heavy look in Nursey’s eyes compels him to make a different choice.

"Yeah," Dex says, almost steadily. "I am in love with you. Quite hopelessly, actually."

Nursey’s breath hitches. He squeezes Dex hands tightly, and then he’s leaning over, capturing Dex’s lips in a fiercely desperate kiss that leaves Dex completely breathless. And if Dex didn’t feel it so completely, just then, in every achingly delicate touch of Nursey’s fingers against his cheek, his throat, all the way down his chest, he might’ve been a bit anxious about the fact that, technically, Nursey didn’t actually say it back.

As it is, Dex isn’t worried. If anything, he’s amused.

“You’re welcome,” he chirps gently after they break apart. “I guess I should be thankful you didn’t just tell me to chill, or whatever.”

“Fuck you, man,” Nursey breathes out, his voice breaking in a way Dex didn’t expect at all. “Also, just, shut up, okay? You already know that I’m writing literal fucking poetry about you, about your freckles and your eyes and your hips and your smile and your stupid fucking lips, okay. I’d like to think you’ve been able to safely assume that I’m more than casually into you.”

“I’d like to think that’s the impression I’ve given you, too,” Dex says slowly. He feels a little confused. Suddenly, he’s tempted to drag Nursey across campus to the wood workshop and just show him, right now, to expose everything that he’s dreaming and hoping and wishing. “Nursey. Hey, Nurse. Look at me.”

“No, you’re right.” Nursey takes a breath. He meets Dex’s eyes with a watery smile. “I don’t know, man. It just hits differently, when you say it out loud. Feels more real. It’s like you spoke it into existence.”

“Maybe something for your next poem,” Dex teases gently. This moment feels too fragile, somehow. He racks his brain for some way to break the tension. “Did you ever read me the one about my hips?”

“Um.” Quickly, Nursey looks away, his smile suddenly more of a bashful grin. Bingo. “Did I mention that one, just now?”

“You did.” Dex grins, too, taking in Nursey’s clearly flustered expression with interest. Oh, this is gonna be good. “Tonight, okay? Read it to me, tonight.”

“I don’t… It’s not my most coherent work, probably.” Nursey clears his throat, and Dex grins a little wider. It’s not often that he manages to make Nursey this unsettled. “I mean, I’ll see if I can find it.”

“Suppose I’ll just have to inspire a new one, if you don’t,” Dex suggests slyly.

“Actually,” Nursey breathes out, already moving to climb into Dex’s lap. “That sounds-”

“Oh my God!” Chowder exclaims from the still open door. “We’ve been over this! You both have your own rooms, okay, you’ve literally got zero excuses for getting your freak on right in the middle of-”

Dex presses his lips briefly against Nursey’s before scrambling to his feet, quickly slipping past Chow into the hallway.

“Sorry, Chowder!” he calls out over his shoulder as he takes the stairs two steps at a time. “Love you, Nurse! Bye!”

“That’s a fine, isn’t it?” Pips calls from the living room as Dex practically sprints past. “Hey, wait! Major fine! Pay the fuck up!”

Dex let’s the door to the Haus fall shut behind him. As he makes the now familiar trek across campus, he doesn’t stop smiling for a single moment.

ch. 17

[theflashdriver]

Waves of Fate (A Silvaze Modern/Soulmate AU)

Beaches were supposed to be happy places, books always described them that way at least. People came to the beach to have fun, to play games and relax. It was supposed place of joy, where smiles supposedly reigned supreme and you could count on the sun parting the clouds to grant a blue sky.

A grey sky hung over the pale white sands of the secluded, manmade, beach the belonged to the Sol estate. A family made wealthy through inheritance and investment; the sole monarchs of the estate had built themselves a high castle, separate from the common rabble, to settle and grow. Unfortunately for them however, perhaps due to their greed, the pair’s first and only child had arrived with a certain abnormality. That grey sky also hung over that very child, the twelve-year-old Blaze the cat, as she stared down at her workbook.

It was peculiar for her to take lessons by the beachside but, with some effort from her tutor to convince the feline’s parents, a bizarre and impromptu lesson had been quickly organised. Sat atop a thick picnic blanket, wearing a smile so caring that the young girl could practically feel it, was the in-house tutor for the estate, Vanilla. Contrary to the scowl Blaze wore as she carefully considered what to write next, the youngster didn’t dislike the rabbit. She had in fact, even at this young age, come to truly appreciate the role the tutor filled. The feline’s parents were always either distracted or busy, she couldn’t particularly tell or care which, but Vanilla, a mother herself, always found time to listen and care. Even in situations like this… even when the young girl claimed that she wanted nothing more than to be alone.

“How’s it going Blaze? Are you stuck?” Stubborn as ever, trying not to listen, the kitten bit her tongue, “You don’t need to write too much, just think of this as practice writing letters.”

Attempting to make a show of it, the feline (dressed in dungarees rather than her school uniform) silently continued her cursive work until she harshly dotted the end of a sentence, “I’m fine Vanilla,” As she looked up and caught the rabbit’s eyes, Blaze realised that, though she had technically answered the question, something further had been revealed. Of the people she knew, Vanilla was the only one who could peer into her heart and see the truth. The child’s eyes returned to the page, “I’m writing fine I just… you know…”

“I know you don’t believe in this and you think it’s foolish but that’s fine. A hint of whimsy is just what you need right now. Just think of it as a break from boring maths questions and everything else,” It was fortunate that the words everything else were cut off by a certain rummaging sound and a bread triangle entering the corner of her vision, “Gardon made these while I was talking with your parents, would you like to partake?”

Unable to resist her gentle charm any longer, regardless of how arduous today had been, Blaze set her book aside and claimed the wrapped meal with a muted, “Thank you.”

“It’s not the best day for a picnic, but it’s far from the worst,” Vanilla mused, claiming a sandwich of her own, “Not too windy and the forecast doesn’t call for rain, it’ll be smooth sailing for your letter.”

“Assuming it doesn’t just wash back onto the beach,” She glumly shrugged, undoing the wrapping and taking her first bite. Salmon, probably fresh from this morning. Once she’d swallowed, Blaze couldn’t help but look up to her tutor again, “Is it really cold? Are you okay?”

“Oh, no, dear. It’s not that cold, just a little chilly. I’ll be fine, honestly,” Blaze met her smile with an incredulous stare. The rabbit’s face somehow grew even softer, “Well, I suppose I wouldn’t mind just a little warming up,” Without even hesitating, the tutor reached across again; this time an empty hand was extended.

Blaze took the comparatively large hand in her own and, trying her hardest to be gentle, allowed a few small flames to build on the back of her knuckles. The heat immediately began to radiate, even though the flames were stagnant in terms of both position and size. Absentmindedly, ears drooping without their owner’s consent, she spoke, “It’s not hard to control them when I’m comfortable. It’s easier when it’s just you and me.”

“I know dear but, one day, it’ll be easy all the time. I’m certain of it,” Vanilla promised, drawing back her hand and pressing it to her cheeks, “That was lovely of you, thank you.”

A half mile behind them, in the estate’s main building, cindered remains were likely still being swept up. An attempt to set up a playdate with the children of another wealthy family hadn’t gone over well, but the issue wasn’t as mundane as that. To say Blaze didn’t get along with the other children was certainly an understatement, the feline’s very first encounter with those infants had ended in tears and a ball of fire. Today, when her parents refused to see reason, a similar explosive display had ignited the living room couch before spreading to the wallpaper. Of course, plans were in place for this sort of occurrence, the house’s sprinkler system had gone off, but it hadn’t cooled her parent’s scorn. She’d scarcely been able to dry herself and change before Vanilla had plucked her from the house.

“You’re welcome,” Was all she could manage to mumble.

“And whoever gets this letter will surely love you for your gift,” A seriousness lingered in the rabbit’s tone, despite the multiple layers of foolishness behind her claim, “Not despite it.”

Blaze scoffed before quickly finishing her sandwich, not yet returning to her work, “Who even thought this superstition up? I know I’ve read about it before but never like this…”

“This one in particular was thought up by the wives and children of widow sailors, as tragic as that is,” The bunny half cringed, “As I’ve told you, when a destined pair send messages out to sea, they’ll receive a sign of their connection. The ocean will take you letter and, just and only this once, deliver it to your soulmate as long as it meets the right conditions.”

“It has to be fully written by one person, it can’t include that person’s name, physical description, hints to find that person or to try and organise a meeting. It also has to be the first message a person sends to sea and no one else is allowed to read it until it reaches the intended individual,” Blaze recalled aloud, “Making it seem all the more pointless. All you can really tell them is what you’re like and what’s happening to you and, regardless, it’s not going to reach anyone. How are you even going to mark this if you’re not allowed to read it?”

“Come on Blaze, when I was your age, I wanted so badly for a handsome prince to sweep me off my feet. I must have rewritten my letter a hundred times,” Vanilla chastised, plainly ignoring the kitten’s question, “You can tell them what you think loving them will be like, your hopes and dreams. No one else will ever get to read it, only you and them,” Admittedly, that was true. Whatever she wrote down here would likely be lost to the sea, “And even if it doesn’t work, no one who finds it would ever know it came from you. It’s a thought exercise as much as it is a writing one, a way to air your frustrations and ambitions.”

The kitten claimed her journal again, trying her hardest to ignore the cloudy sky above. For whatever reason, her pen felt heavier than it had just a moment prior. She let her thoughts flow onto the page, their pace kept by a modest barrier of consideration, and tried her hardest not to overdo it. In truth, she’d never really considered what she wanted from a partner or what a partner might want from her. Did she even want a partner? Part of her didn’t, and she was certain that would come across in her writing, but she couldn’t deny that she saw the appeal. The idea of someone loving her for her flames was more than a little farfetched but someone who could see past them and still love her? Someone who actively, genuinely, wasn’t afraid of her? How could she say no to that?

Finally, Blaze clicked her pen closed. Vanilla perked up, “Is it done?”

“I think so…” The young feline hummed before drawing her eyes to the page and giving it a final read.

To whomever comes to possess this note,

I hope we can meet and that, when we do, that the reason behind our link becomes clear rather than being the mere whim of coincidence. I have been instructed that, in this letter, I am to tell you about myself. While I was born into fortuitous circumstances, I have not lived the most fortunate of lives: though I am privileged in some ways, I am far more socially handicapped than the majority of my peers. I handle criticism poorly as I always try to give my all, regardless of the actual importance of any given assignment.

My peers don’t think too highly of me, many of them fear me, but the few truly close to me claim that I am mature for my age and intelligent. I’ve recently started to play the violin and have practiced ballet for as long as I can remember. As for other interests, though they’ll undoubtedly change by the time we meet, classical literature and music has always appealed to me. If we are destined to be together then I doubt you are a pilot, so this is probably unimportant, but I do have a fear of heights. I’m sorry if you wanted more details but I’m quite confused as to what is safe to include, in accordance with this dubious tradition.

I don’t think I’m the easiest person to love, both for reasons that should become clear to you and my inherent defensiveness. Though my investment in this idea of soulmates may be limited, the thought that there is someone out there who will love me for who I am is, undeniably, appealing. I may not be the best at displaying how I feel but, if we are to care for each, I will try my best to show you that I care. To be honest, I don’t know what to expect or to ask of you beyond that you keep an open mind if we do meet. Perhaps, just as this rumour being true would, you will surprise me.

Please stay safe and write soon, from your soulmate.

“It’s a little… melancholy,” Blaze admitted, trying not to wince, “But I don’t want to rewrite it. It’s good enough.”

It was all written in her neatest handwriting, entirely cursive and eloquent. There wasn’t a single spelling error, not one that she could identify at least, and it looked professional enough? She’d written it in the manner she’d learned to write all of her letters and, perhaps, that was a little too formal for the occasion. Then again, it wasn’t as though it would actually reach anyone.

And, of course, she hadn’t mentioned her flames; not in explicit terms at least.

“Is it how you truly feel?” Vanilla questioned, “Is it how you want to introduce yourself to them.”

Blaze took another moment, considering it for just a moment more, before tearing the paper from her jotter and rolling it into a tight scroll, “Yes.”

The tutor turned to rummage through her bag again, this time drawing forth three things: a ribbon to bind the note, a small (cleaned and untinted) glass bottle and a whittled down cork from an old wine bottle. Blaze took the ribbon first, gently securing her note, and trying not to crumple it, before gingerly sliding it into the bottle’s narrow mouth. She let Vanilla secure the cork in place, not much trusting that it’d hold if she did it. Then though, curiously, the rabbit produced another object from her bag. A small violet tealight, brand new and untouched.

“I think it might be nice to seal the bottle in your own, unique, way,” The rabbit explained, tilting the cantle upside down and holding it above the now sealed bottle, “With a little bit of fire, we can make a wax lid.”

The tealight exchanged hands, Vanilla held the bottle in place. Just as her prior heating, the tutor was likely the only one who would trust her to do this. Well, perhaps Gardon would too on a good day. Blaze snuck her forefinger around the tealight’s metal casing and birthed a burgeoning flame directly into the wax. The reaction was almost immediate, purple, lavender scented, wax began to drip down in gooey clumps and gather atop the cork. It took a while, and some shifting, to completely cover both the entryway. Most of the candle was diminished by the time it was done, the bubbling mass gradually cooling on the glass.

Vanilla drew it back, gently blowing on it, “Good job, Blaze. That’s perfect.”

In the silence that hung as the wax cooled, Blaze couldn’t help but dwell on her future a little. She knew she was young, far too young to be seriously considering these things, most children her age would still be focused on becoming a pop singer or filling some other extravagant niche. Her parents wanted her to focus on law, become a judge or an attorney, but, despite how important those callings were, they didn’t appeal to her. The only thing she knew that she wanted was to be away from here, to find somewhere that she could settle herself and actually be free to think, but that was so long away. She was bound to this place, bound to her parents, for the-

A gentle hand pushed up the feline’s chin and brought her to look the elder rabbit in the eye, “You might not meet whoever gets this letter for some time, but I promise you, Blaze, you will find them. You won’t be here forever; you feel so trapped forever. With their help or otherwise, I know you’ll do great things.”

The tutor rose, passing the bottle to its first owner. The kitten stumbled to her feet, taking it but quickly reaching out and holding her teacher’s hand. Barren white sand crunched underfoot, the clouds refused to part even now. It wasn’t long until she was at the cusp of the water, the lapping waves mere centimetres from the toe of their shoes. The older of the two drew up the hem of her skirt, Blaze awkwardly fumbled with her dungaree’s legs before retaking the rabbit’s hand. Vanilla took the first step into the foamy waters, but Blaze was quick to follow after. They waded until the sea reached the young feline’s knee, a glance from Vanilla informed her that was far enough.

Gently, Blaze set the bottle in the water. They stood for a moment, just to see that it would leave their sight. The tide was receding, they’d see the bottle bob above the waves every so often as it was gradually being carried towards the horizon. It was off to either meet with a watery grave or find some person somewhere else in the world.

“Well, now we just have to wait and see,” The rabbit smiled, turning and gently retaking her hand, “I’m sure it’ll reach someone wonderful. I can’t wait to see you two together. Its been so long since I’ve seen young love, I’m sure your Prince Charming will be wonderful.”

“M-Miss Vanilla,” The little girl couldn’t help but whine, “I don’t want a Prince.”

“Oh? What is it you want then?” She asked, nearing the water’s end.

“I don’t know…” Blaze murmured, giving it just half a moment’s thought, “I just want a friend. I just want someone else who will be nice to me.”

“Can’t they be both?” Vanilla laughed, taking the first step onto dry land.

The young girl hadn’t considered that, but she wasn’t sure that she liked it. She was about to speak up in defiance when she felt something peculiar. A wave had passed behind her, lapping just above her heels, but it had hit differently somehow. It’d almost felt too hard.

Turning to look over her shoulder, Blaze frowned as her eyes scanned the water. Among the waves, hitched in the sand, was a bottle. Had her note followed them back? Breaking off from Vanilla, the young girl crouched to get a closer look. Something about this bottle looked different. It wasn’t sealed with wax, it had a screw on lid. What’s more, this bottle was tinted green. Dumbfounded, without so much as thinking, she reached down and plucked the bottle from the water.

“Miss Vanilla?”

-----------

Butterflies flapped in her stomach as though they were giant eagles pursuing some sort of endlessly evasive prey. Blaze the cat, age twenty-two, had just spent the last twelve hours traveling with three overstuffed suitcases and a violin case. She’d departed a train forty minutes ago and had been walking ever since but, prior to that, she’d endured two different taxi rides and a full four hours failing to ignore a window seat view on a flight. To say that she was exhausted would be an understatement, she’d travelled further from her home before but never on her own and never like this, but to say she was unhappy would be entirely false. Blaze the cat was free, free from the Sol estate and free from all that came with it. She had finally claimed control over her life.

She’d never thought that the violin would be her escape; music simply been her hobby, but it had borne an unimaginable fruit. She’d managed to land herself third chair in an orchestra with a high probability of moving further up the ranks. The concertmaster was apparently reaching her elder years, looking for a protégé and to breathe new life into the group. A well-placed audition tape and a handful of politely worded emails had secured her the position. Sure, the job as it was now wasn’t enough to fully support her, but with her education the feline was certain she’d manage to pick up another form of income.

That orchestra job had led her here, Station Square; a city filled to bursting with opportunity which just so happened to also contain a cheap apartment-share near the city’s centre. An application for said lodgings had brought her to the door she was now standing outside of, an entrance to the supposed accommodation that persisted above an old pizzeria. She didn’t know where she’d anticipated her life to restart but the fact it was somewhere this plain honestly excited her. No more private beach; she had to build her own luxury.

First impressions were important, she’d been chastised about them her entire life. She’d tried to dress modestly, what few of her more expensive outfits she’d brought she intended to sell online. Her hair was fixed into a tall ponytail that almost crowned her head, a ponytail that she’d already remade five times today. A long brown trench coat, the brown top button of which she redid, was successfully obscuring a comfortable striped t-shirt and (surprisingly expensive yet unassuming) bootcut jeans.

Once she was certain everything was in place and she had some form of greeting in mind, she dared to press the grimy electric buzzer. Almost immediately, a slightly overloud and static riddled voice answered her call, “Hello? Is that Blaze?”

“Yes, hello. I take it this is the residence of Silver the hedgehog?” She answered.

“Yeah, that’s me! It’s so nice to finally meet you, I hope…” He seemed to catch himself mid-sentence, though he went quiet, the buzzing persisted, “Oh, oops, I should probably open the door. Sorry! I’ll be right down!”

The buzzing finally faded and, once again, Blaze was left alone. That was the first time she’d ever heard his voice and, admittedly, she hadn’t been able to hear it very well. He sounded a lot more excitable than she’d truly anticipated. Their communication up until now had been limited to brief emails and, as a result, she didn’t actually know very much about the man she’d be living with for the foreseeable future. He had no criminal record, the flat itself both looked nice and was affordable, but beyond his job working in the museum and need for an additional housemate, that was the limit of her knowledge. Well, that and the picture attached to his=

Before Blaze could ponder on it for any longer, the white painted door before her swung open and a figure practically burst into view. She wasn’t sure who or what she’d expected out of this museum worker, but she certainly wasn’t this. A set of seven ludicrously long quills immediately consumed Blaze’s vision, followed by a set of excitable yellow eyes and a vaguely sun-kissed muzzle. He was rather peculiarly dressed too; he wore a jumper with a strangely low cut that allowed a seemingly endless flare of white chest fur to slip free. As if that wasn’t odd enough, he wore gloves that were lit by a bizarre cyan symbol on both their front and back.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Blaze!” His smile matched his eyes so very perfectly.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Silver,” She half bowed, already feeling a little overwhelmed. The picture she’d seen had made him look demurer, his quills had been tied back and he’d been in his work uniform. She truly hadn’t considered that he’d be a head taller than her.

Almost immediately, he seemed to notice her luggage. Without even blinking, he gestured past her, “Oh, you must be exhausted. I can help with those!” Blaze’s surprise transmuted into total befuddlement at what happened next. With that wave of the hedgehog’s hand, those cyan symbols began to glow much brighter and Blaze heard shifting behind her. Before she could turn, all four of her bags had taken to the air and hovered above her head, “I’ll take them up and show you around, come on.”

She stood in the doorway for a moment, entirely dumbfounded. She knew people with powers like hers existed, but they were rare enough that she had never met another. To think that the first person she’d ever stay with, the first person she’d encounter, was capable of such a feat though? This Silver was filled to burst with surprises. Catching herself though, butterfly-eagles still running rampant in her stomach, Blaze began to give chase.

The hallway leading up to the flat itself wasn’t very well lit, but it was homely enough. It led up to a landing where (judging by the small pile) shoes were supposed to be kicked off. Following it was a glass door that immediately opened into a small and very well stocked kitchen. It didn’t smell like anything was cooking at the moment but, judging by the drying rack, he had been hard at work.

“I cook quite a lot,” As he called back, Blaze couldn’t help but notice the hedgehog had gone from walking to floating amongst her luggage, “Are you much of a chef?”

“Not particularly,” Blaze admitted, nonchalantly. What few cooking lessons she’d received had gone especially poorly.

“Oh, well, if you’re ever in trouble or want to learn then let me know,” He offered, spinning back around to face forward, “I made a little something to celebrate your arrival, if you’re up for it.”

“Oh, thank you,” She said, now doubly surprised at his fast kindness.

Blaze took a sniff but, curiously, couldn’t smell whatever it was he’d mentioned. The hedgehog had clearly done a good job of cleaning up in preparation for her arrival, but then again… she had no idea whether the apartment had been messy in the first place. She passed an open door that seemed to lead into a small combination dining room and sitting room. Two patchwork couches sat near the room’s centre, a modest TV cresting just over them and a coffee table between them.

“Is this a violin case?” He called back, drawing her attention away from the room.

“Yes, it is,” She responded, noticing that he’d turned mid-flight and was now hovering the violin between them, “I’m joining city’s orchestra. I’ll need to practice fairly often, but if there’s ever a time you need quiet then feel free to say.”

“Oh, no, free to play it all you want honestly, the place downstairs just does take away and, apparently, the floor is pretty well soundproofed,” He said, that excitement still clinging to his voice as he landed outside a door, “That’s amazing, I’ve always wanted to meet a violinist. I can’t wait to hear you play, you must be wonderful!”

“I’m well practiced,” She coyly admitted, not used to barrages of kindness (let alone praise). She could feel herself locking up but tried to fight it, “Is this my room?”

“Oh, yeah. It is,” The hedgehog nodded, patting himself down before seeming to realise something. With a wave of his hand up the hallway, Blaze watched as a small set of keys raced their way from the kitchen area to float in front of her, “Almost forgot these.”

“Th-Thank you,” Blaze cursed her stutter, plucking them from the air. They found their way to the lock but, before she dared to push inside, she decided to feed her curiosity. He seemed so very open, it couldn’t hurt to pry, “How long have you been able to do that?”

“For as long as I can remember. It comes in pretty handy around the house, if you ever need anything moved then just say,” He grinned, clearly somewhat proud to have made a positive impression with his powers.

“I see,” She hummed, turning the key. She certainly wasn’t comfortable immediately revealing her power to him but, then again, her name was probably a bit of a give-away. Ideally, he wouldn’t question it, “It does seem rather useful.”

Blaze pushed the door open and found herself faced, for the first time today, with a sight she’d expected. The room wasn’t even half the size of her prior bedroom, its walls were both blank and painted off-white. Unlike the other rooms in the house, a grey carpet persisted underfoot. Blaze watched as her bags hovered through the door and landed inside in a small, neat, pile.

“I know it’s not especially stunning, but the landlord says you can decorate it if you want. I did my room up a couple months ago, before I moved in. It’s easier than you think, I’d be happy to help,” Blaze couldn’t tell whether it was due to her cold expression or some sudden realisation, but the hedgehog seemed to falter and turn away, “S-Sorry, I’ve never had a flatmate before, I guess I’m a little overexcited.”

“You haven’t?” She questioned though, in hindsight, the underdeveloped room spoke volumes.

“I’ve moved from place to place quite a lot, living in tiny, two-room, apartments,” He explained.

“Well, I’m sure we’ll manage to figure this out between the two of us,” She wanted to give a reassuring smile but was fairly certain it would only scare him off. It seemed like neither of them were particularly good at this, “Thank you, Silver.”

“I’ll leave you to get comfortable. If you need anything I’ll just be, uh, in here,” He tapped the door opposite, assumedly his bedroom, “There’s an en suite in your room and, um, I think that’s everything? If you need me then just call.”

Blaze nodded and allowed herself the smallest of smiles, “Perhaps, once I’ve put everything away, we could look over the paperwork?”

“Oh, sure, okay! Just say when,” He managed to grin again, ducking back into his room but not bothering to close the door.

Blaze matched him, stepping inside and heaving a sigh of relief. She’d made it through her first interaction with her flatmate, she’d made it to her new home, she was so close to relaxation. There was a small, single, bed against the wall with a tiny wooden bedside cabinet next to it. A reasonably sized, yet still small in her experience, closet was set up against the far wall and she could see the door that likely led to the bathroom. This was liveable, she could do this, it was just the first step in something new.

Unpacking her clothes and amenities took quite a lot longer than she’d anticipated, getting everything onto hangers and into the right place was relaxing albeit slow. There was nowhere especially practical to place her violin so it’d ended up propped against the far wall for the foreseeable future. The final of her bags still sat where Silver had placed it, entirely filled. Vanilla had packed it for her, saying its contents were mere food and cutlery, but she had made the feline promise not to open it until she was settled in her new home. Well, it was finally time.

Blaze hoisted the bag onto her freshly made bed, immediately creasing her work but not especially minding. She quickly brought the zip around, popping the top open, and was stunned by what she saw. The rabbit hadn’t lied, cutlery and non-perishables of all sorts filled the base of the bag, but a small note affixed to an object that Blaze hadn’t even thought about in almost ten years sat atop the other goods. A certain bottle that had washed up on the beach just after she had sent her own message to sea.

Vanilla’s note was short and simple, “Enjoy your new life, don’t forget to write and remember, they’re out there somewhere,” Concluded with a small, winking, smiley face.

Slipping onto the bed, Blaze found herself cradling both the note and the bottle. While that day on the beach stuck out in her mind like a sore thumb, perhaps due to the familial chaos that had come before it, the contents of this bottle did not. She hadn’t thought about that day often, especially not in the latter six of those twelve years, but whenever a book or a person mentioned the concept of soulmates she’d recall but never mention the occurrence. Admittedly, the young feline had long accepted that the note had in fact been written by Vanilla in an attempt to cheer her up following her childish strop. She didn’t believe in such nonsense then and she certainly didn’t now. Still, what was the harm in giving the coincidental note another read for nostalgia’s sake?

Blaze unscrewed the lid, giving the green aluminium top a quick once over before setting it on her bedside table. Wherever it had come from, the bottle had long lost any identifiable markings, but it was more bulbous than that containing any drink she’d ever had. She managed to get a finger in and, with some difficulty, pluck the note free. The sheet felt more like card than paper and was riddled with creases from its initial folding so many years ago. The handwriting was, admittedly, awful. She’d written her note as a child, but this letter looked to have been written with extreme haste. Regardless, due mostly to the large spaces between words, Blaze could make it all out.

It read:

“Hi there! If you’re reading this then I guess you know who I am? Just in case; I’m your soulmate! I can’t wait to meet you, I’m sure we’re going to get along great! I can’t write all that much about myself, otherwise the bottle will sink to the bottom of the sea, but I’m supposed to describe what I think our relationship might be like? But I’ve never been in one before, I’ve never had a soulmate before, so I’m not sure what to do or what to tell you.

People tell me that I’m a little blunt and that I wear my heart on my sleeve and that I’m pretty gullible. I’m not so sure, but I guess they’d know better than me? I really like sweet food! I can’t have a lot of it, we can’t really afford it, but that’s okay because it’s not good for me anyway. I also really like history books. The lost worlds of the past are so interesting to me and I’d love to discover more of them. I hope you like them too! I guess I can’t write about this too much, but I have a special skill that comes in useful quite a lot. It helps me tidy up and cook and get to all sorts of places, even ones I’m not really supposed to.

I don’t know you yet, but I hope you’re nice. I don’t really know a lot about love, a lot of my friends think it’s gross but not me! I think it’s nice knowing that there’s someone out there for me and I’m just waiting to meet someone. If I can make a difference, even if it’s just for one person, then I’ll be happy, so I’ll try my hardest to make you happy! I’m learning to cook and bake so you don’t have to worry about that, I can already make spaghetti!

Please stay safe and I can’t wait to read what you send me!

From your soulmate”

Blaze’s nose wrinkled as she reached the end of the note. She’d decided years ago that Vanilla had written this note, perhaps with her left hand so as to forge childish writing, but something was bothering her. The feline’s eyes traced back up the note, specifically lingering on the mention of a special skill that helped the individual to cook and clean. A foolish thought entered her head, a quiet whisper that was still loud enough to break the otherwise peaceful silence. Reading over the page again, the bluntness and earnestness mentioned further loudened that quiet voice.

Catching herself in her own stupidity, Blaze quickly rerolled the paper and returned it to its bottle. Not quite knowing what to do with it now, feeling a bizarre heat on her face, she set it on her bedside cabinet and threw her gaze to her lap. Attempting to escape the heat, and realising she’d been too distracted to do so earlier, she undid her jacket and shrugged it from her shoulders.

The occurrence ten years ago was just one of many bizarre occurrences in the flame producing feline’s life, she’d seen her fair share of oddness and coincidence. There was absolutely no way that this bottle had come from the person she was now living with, she’d long decided it was a forgery made to keep her happy. It wasn’t like anyone was pulling at the strings of fate. Even if Vanilla hadn’t made it, for a bottle from someone else, someone who clearly believed in the superstition, to have drifted to shore while she was out there... that was possible, wasn’t it? Just as it was possible she’d seen some vague familiarities between the man she’d just met and that note’s writer.

She took her head in her hands, she was being ridiculous. It must have all been induced by her nerves, she was in a new city and living with a stranger, of course she was going to overthink things. There was no way she’d just stumbled into living with her soulmate; she didn’t even believe in soulmates. She’d never believed in soulmates and now, of all times, wasn’t the time to start. Blaze rose from the bed, collected the goods from her remaining suitcase and made a beeline for the door.

When she stepped into the hall though, her eyes were unintentionally drawn through the askew door of his bedroom. Though she could only see perhaps the smallest quarter, assuming that their rooms were the same, she’d locked eyes with a corkboard. A corkboard with many sticky notes tacked to it but also a small, curled, notebook page stuck to it rather than pierced by a tack. With each passing second Blaze felt her face grow hotter and heard her thoughts grow evermore foolish. It was as though fate was tempting her to burst into the room and look at it, or at the very least ask him about it. But that was the height of foolishness, she’d surely sound insane or rude at the very best. What self-respecting adult believed in such a fairy-tale, let alone would discuss it with a new flatmate on the first day they’d even met! She couldn’t ask about that leaflet now of all times! That would look ridiculous!

His mention of always wanting to meet a violinist metamorphosed in her mind from a show of kindness to a potential deeply held honesty. She didn’t recall much of the letter she’d written, but Blaze knew that she’d listed some of her hobbies. She’d only just started to play the stringed instrument, it’d surely been included.

Finding herself lost and dazed in the hallway, Blaze couldn’t help but call out, “Silver?”

She heard what sounded like the hedgehog falling over before he rushed into the doorway, quills wildly tossed, “Hey, is everything alright?”

Blaze swallowed, “I’ve just got some stuff to put in the kitchen and I think I’m ready to sign the papers, as long as you’re not busy?”

“Oh no, don’t worry; I was just doing a little reading, let’s do it,” He beamed, taking to the air again and leading the way to the kitchen.

She felt an immediate impulse to enter his room, he’d left the door open, but Blaze knew that was foolish. No, the much louder thought in Blaze’s brain was questioning what he was reading. The hedgehog worked in a museum; it was likely that he liked to read about history. Even if he was, it would have just been another coincidence… but things were lining up more and more. What was today? Was this all just some bizarre dream?

Blaze begrudgingly followed the white hedgehog, finding herself analysing him more than she probably should. His fur and quills were unkempt but it wasn’t as though he was dirty, just fluffy. She supposed his fur must just have grown out like that. The strange cyan energy he produced seemed to let him guide both himself and objects through the air… perhaps even other people. Blaze could certainly see how useful this power would be for cleaning… it probably let him make multiple dishes and clean at the same time too, pending how it worked.

Heat flashed across her face again and, reflexively, she balled her fists. Though she’d long learned to keep her powers under control, their connection to her emotions was a constant worry. Embarrassment, of all emotions, was one she hadn’t yet managed to control. While it lacked the ferocity and excitability of anger, it was still especially important to keep it subdued. If she let them, these thoughts would do much more than reveal her power. She might burn down her new home before she could spend a night-

“Blaze?” His voice tore her from her thoughts, he’d made it to the kitchen while she’d frozen up in the hall, “Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine I’m just,” She scrambled for the right words, marching towards him, “I’ve not settled yet, I’m still getting used to this arrangement. Just getting my bearings.”

“Oh, that makes sense,” He nodded, still smiling so very brightly, “Take all the time you need. You said online that you’d never lived away from home before, right?”

“I’d visit hotels with my family but, outside that, yes,” Blaze answered, stepping into the kitchen, “I know I’m a little old for that to be the case but…”

“No, no. Don’t worry, I get it and I know it’s pretty scary,” He smiled, leaning against the kitchen counter, “I’ve moved around a lot and your first night in a new place is always weird, let alone your first time anywhere new,” His smile faltered just a little, he began to scratch among his quills, “I’m sorry if I’m making it worse. I’ve been trying to make things more comfortable but I’m probably going a little overboard, right?”

“N-No, no, you’re doing fine,” Blaze quickly replied but she knew that her stutter betrayed the truth. Her failure to convey what she was actually feeling was simultaneously a blessing and a curse this evening. She tried to smile, “Thank you, Silver.”

“It’s no problem. You can put your stuff wherever you want, but I cleaned these two cupboards out for you. I keep the pots and pans in the big drawer and the cutlery in the one above that,” He pointed, his grin slightly returning, “Oh and there should be enough fridge space, I hope?”

Setting the bag down again, Blaze quickly began to unload Vanilla’s parting gifts. She kept the hedgehog in the corner of her eye, watching as he pulled a magnet from the fridge and slid free a small bundle of papers. Assumedly, that was the lease. He then, seeming to realise he didn’t have a pen, gestured up the hall again. The face he, likely unknowingly, pulled as he reached for the pen was far too serious, his soft features barely allowed for it. He seemed very innocent, harmless even; judging by his apologies, despite his attempts to appear confident, this was surely all very new to him too.

“Is something wrong? Is there not enough space?” He asked, catching her staring.

“N-No, no. It’s fine, there’s more than enough,” She quickly looked away, shoving bushels of pasta into the cupboard as she tried her damnedest not to ignore the little voice screaming inside her. The voice that kept repeating the line in that note, that the writer was often described as wearing his heart on his sleeve.

Too many pieces of this non-existent puzzle were lining up, far too many. As she shifted to put away her cutlery, lost in thought, she very almost knocked into him. Even if it was all somehow true, even though that was entirely possible, then that didn’t actually mean anything. It wasn’t like just knowing some miraculous coincidence had happened meant they were bound to stay together forever or fall in love or whatever. She didn’t know him, he didn’t know her either! They’d hardly even talked!

As the last pan clattered into place, Blaze dared to throw another glance his way. The hedgehog had set the paperwork down on the unit and entered the fridge. Blaze hadn’t ever looked for a relationship before and she certainly hadn’t intended to now. She hadn’t really looked at boys or girls or anyone for that matter, but something was bothering her. Perhaps it was just a result of his earnestness, perhaps it was because he looked so fluffy and soft, but there was something almost… charming about him. Was he attractive? Was he cute? Beauty was supposed to be in the eye of the beholder and this beholder had literally no idea what she found attractive.

The moment his bright yellow eyes hit hers, she understood that aspect of herself just a little better. He’d leaned out of the fridge, having not actually taken anything, “I noticed that we need a witness, do you know anyone else around here who you’d like to be it? I can witness it if that’s okay with you but, you know, don’t want to impose or anything. Landlord owns the place downstairs and said you can just leave it there.”

“I-I’m fine with that, yes,” She quickly rose to stand straight, taking the pen and papers from him, “Don’t worry, Silver. I’m just getting my bearings; you’ve been nothing but helpful.”

His smile returned, the spark of joy in those eyes rocked Blaze to her core, “If you’re sure. I’ll leave you to it then.”

Blaze quickly threw her eyes toward the document. She’d read it before online, of course she had, but it was her only escape! She quickly filled in her share before blindly passing the sheet back to Silver for his witness confirmation signature, pretending to be distracted by the spice rack.

When she finally dared to look at him, Blaze found that Silver had casually let go of the objects he’d gathered and left them to hang in the air. Though she’d tried to fight it, Blaze couldn’t help but peer at his handwriting. He’d signed his name twice, both on the landlord’s copy and her own. It’d been at least ten years since the message in the bottle had been written, of course the writer’s handwriting would have changed over that time, but Blaze couldn’t help noticing the slightly scrawled nature of his penmanship. His handwriting wasn’t bad per say but it wasn’t in cursive, and it certainly wasn’t what you’d call neat. Though she longed to think of it in any other way, that was yet another strike in the soulmate column.

“Oh, um,” The hedgehog’s hand returned to his quills, “I don’t know if you’ve had dinner or anything, and you don’t need to eat it if you don’t want it, but I was so excited for you coming so,” He gestured into the fridge, “I made a cheesecake. Feel free to grab a slice whenever, it looks like it's properly set now.”

The hedgehog couldn’t just cook, he could bake. Alone that fact would mean nothing but, with all this compiling evidence, Blaze felt her head spin and more heat jumped to her face. She shifted by him, glancing into the fridge, and sure enough, there it sat. A biscuit base topped with a creamy yellow mass and decorated with what looked to be some kind of cherry or strawberry jell or jam. She took hold of the door to steady herself, feeling the heat gather and gather on her face until a single spark ignited near the tip of her nose and, with a small pop, burgeoned into a flame. Blaze ran her free hand down her face, snuffing it immediately, but the thoughts that prompted it still ran rampant in her mind.

“Eh, Blaze? Are you okay?” She heard him shift and felt him looking over her shoulder, standing so very close, “You’ve gone all red.”

She had no idea how much of that he’s seen but, regardless, his innocence was astounding. His reaction to that pop and a palpable burst of heat from the fridge wasn’t to question what had happened but if she was okay. His concern for her was so very plain, his heart truly was fastened to his sleeve, he truly was very naïve. She had no idea what his life had been like up until this point, no idea who he really was just as he had no idea who she truly was. They were just a pair of very socially awkward individuals, albeit in very different ways, who happened to have collided due to the machinations of either fate or coincidence. She still couldn’t just up and tell him about these thoughts or the message she’d received but, regardless of them and whether this was fate or not, it was only right that she got to the bottom of this.

“I-I’ll have some if you will,” She blurted out, turning away from the fridge and towards him. Though embarrassment was surely twisting her face into a grimace, he still looked so kindly, “Maybe we should have a sit down and… get to know each other a little better?” The day’s travel had run her ragged, but nothing could compare to this past fifteen minutes, “I think we have a lot to talk about.”

[writingismyhappytime]

Escaping Grace (Part 2)

Warnings: Language, Angst. This series will have a lot of anxiety/mental abuse mentions. 

"Are you sure this looks okay?" I ask hesitantly, standing in front of the floor length mirror in my room. Vale and I had spent all day yesterday trying to find something appropriate, but to my frustration I hadn't found a thing I'd liked.

Now I was staring intently at my reflection, dressed in my average clothes that don't really make me stand out at all --- which could be a good thing, I guess. No need in trying to be too obvious about wanting to impress them, right?

"Of course," Vale says from behind me as she slips her earrings in, glancing me over. "Those are your good ass jeans, you know that. You can make anything look good in those."

Well, that does make me feel a little better. Vale is the kind of person to tell you if you look terrible, so I take the statement pretty seriously I give myself another glance, but turn away after a moment, knowing I'm not going to be satisfied the more I look; I always overthink everything.

I glance at my best friend as she slips into some heels, which only make her look more imposing. Her black hair falls straight from her widows peak, and her makeup is simple today, just a flick of eyeliner to accentuate her eyes.

I'm always so jealous of her, I've told her that a hundred times. She has such a perfect figure, I always feel so short and stumpy in comparison. On my good days I feel like I look pretty badass, with my tattoos and piercings, depending on what I'm wearing to accentuate them --- but om days like these, I feel uncertain about everything. My hair, my clothes, how badly noticeable my breakouts are --- in my mind, surely that's the first thing our new business partners are going to notice.

Why is having clear skin such a struggle?

The temptation to fake sick and go crawl inside the bathtub is suddenly really strong. I can send Vale in as my ambassader and she'll have them eating out of the palm of her hand, no doubt. One wink from her, a soft smirk on her glossy lips --- she could seduce the gold from a leprechaun.

Maybe I won't have to fake sick after all, my stomach is doing flips and tying itself into knots. I rub my palms nervously against my dark jeans, fighting the ball of nerves in my throat as it threatens to choke me down. I can't do this, I can't meet them, I'll ruin everything. I should just keep myself as far away from them as I possibly can so that I don't ruin anything, and ---.

"Uh, where are you going?" Vale demands as I suddenly make a beeline for the bathroom. "You have to finish getting dressed, Leah! We're going to be late!"

"I suddnely don't feel very well," I reply as I step into the bathroom, curling my toes against the coldness of the tiles as I turn my back to the mirror above the sink. I gaze into the tub, my hands on my hips as I look at nothing inparticular. "Maybe this is a bad idea."

"The only bad idea is you thinking that it is one." She says from where she sits on the edge of my bed, fiddling with her heels. "Don't let your nerves get to you. You're so excited to meet them and I'm not going to let you miss this. Now," she levels a stare at me that I purposefully try to ignore. "Get dressed or you're going in those pikachu shorts and barefoot."

I glance down at my pajama bottoms.

"That would be a good impression, wouldn't it?" I sigh, running a hand through my messy hair. I let the bathroom door swing closed, and hastily get dressed before I can put anymore thought into it. The less I think, the better it'll be.

My fingers linger on the t shirt I thought about wearing, one of the designs from our merch line that hasn't been produced yet. Would it be too cheesy to wear my own band shirt? Probably. I just end up grabbing my favorite jeans, the one's with the holes in the knee's from where I'd fallen in the studio and put them there on accident. I sit down on the edge of the tub, grabbing my boots and slipping them on easily, pleased with the easy zipper so I don't have to lace them.

At least these are comfy clothes for me, something I'm familiar with. I wish I wasn't so anxious, that my palms didn't have sweat building on them, or that I feel like I'm going to be sick at any moment. It's a curse, and what the doctor prescribes helps, but I hate taking medicine all the time, too.

Vale suddenly starts thumping her hand impatiently against the door, and my eyes flick to the clock sitting on a shelf. She's right, if we don't get going we're going to be late. "Leah, are you ready yet? We gotta get going already!"

"I'm ready," I say, although I don't feel it at all. I cast one last look in the mirror, frowning. My blonde hair was pulled back so it doesn't fall in my face, revealing the red and blue streaks decorating the lower layer. My eyes are a bright green, and Vale did my eyeliner so the color really seems to pop more tonight. Some days I can agree with her that I'm pretty, but today I'm rolling in nerves and the thought is arguable.

"If we don't leave now we're going to be un-fashionably late!" Vale hisses from the other room, and I roll my eyes as I jerk open the bathroom door. She gives me an approving look before beckoning me forward, already heading for the front door of the apartment we share.

We have to grab a cab, but it doesn't take us long to get to the club. It's kind of exclusive, you have to be on a list to get in, but so long as Craig called and did his duty, we shouldn't have any problems. We could skip the line and head right inside.

God it would be mortifying if he forgot to call.

The first sign the night isn't going as planned is seeing Nate and Clarke waiting outside on the curb. I thought they'd be inside already, rubbing elbows and getting into trouble. I send Vale a nervous look she ignores, tossing the cabbie some bills as we both hastily get out of the car.

"Why aren't you guys already inside?" She demands the moment they're within eashot, and both men turn to look at us.

Clarke's brows are furrowed, his square jaw clenched. His brown hair is falling into his eyes, and I can tell he's frustrated. "We're not on the list."

"What?" Oh no, this is it, this is the end. Craig forgot, didn't he? Our big moment is already over, we can't even get inside the club. Fate has forsaken us, laughing in our face, it's all over, it's ---.

"Leah, stop looking all doom and gloom," Vale pats my shoulder, as if knowing exactly what the pained look on my face means I'm thinking. She's known me long enough to know I immediately go into a downward spiral of despair before any rationality hits.

"Craig must have forgot." Nate sounds annoyed, a cigarette hanging from his lips as he tries to light it. He keeps shifting his weight back and forth, and I'm not sure if it's due to the cold or his aggravation. "I already called him and he damn well forgot to get our reservation. What the hell are we supposed to do now, huh?"

This is so embarrassing.

I know my cheeks are burning, and I rub my arms uncomfortably. We're supposed to be getting famous and this is really a kick to the ego. I think "famous," pretty lightly, but at least well known enough to get into venues on our own.

"Well, don't panic," my roommate purses her lips thoughtfully. "We just have to find a way inside. The bouncer doesn't look like he would be too tough to crack, unless he's gay. Then one of you two is going to have to be bait while the rest of us sneak in."

Nate and Clarke do not look like they agree with her idea, both of their noses curling.

"I am not bait," Nate retorts, smoke drifting in a haze around him. "I would not lower myself to that level, thank you."

He sends all of us an annoyed look, just barely coming to Clarke's shoulder. Clarke always looms over the rest of us --- except tonight Vale is the same height as him and looks just as formidable. They look like people you wouldn't casually approach for directions, especially Clarke with his major RBF.

My eyes flick to the bouncer, and he looks familiar. His back is to us where he stands at the door beneath the light, barring entrance to our future. This man is keeping us from meeting the people that might propel our careers, and I almost didn't like him because of it. I have to remind myself that he's just doing his job, it isn't personal, he has no idea how important this is to us!

But maybe he should.

What if we just reasonably explained who we were, had Craig call their management to straighten this all out, and went from there? That was the most logical answer, and of course it would work; we don't have to seduce the bouncer, lure him and knock him out in an alley like Vale is trying to convince is our next course of action.

"Why don't we just tell him what's going on?" I suggest, giving them my idea. They have to concede it's the best course of action, and Clarke agrees with me even if Vale thinks I'm ruining all the fun. Our bassist turns away to call our manager, who's definitely in the dog house right now despite getting us this gig.

"Okay, why don't you go up to talk to him and tell him what's up?" Nate urges, and I give him a horrified look as I realize he's talking to me.

"What? Why me?" I cross my arms uncomfortably, but I'm starting to feel awkward standing out here with them like this. I feel like everyone has to know about our predicament, how embarrassing it is for us!

My cheeks are starting to get hot, and I rub my arms nervously.

"Because you're our frontperson, aren't you? They'll recognize you before they do the rest of us." he points out, but I absolutely do not like the idea! They know how I am about talking to people, I use an app to order all my takeout for goodness sake! I might be trying to get famous, but it's not because I want to really be that sociable.

"Probably not, no one will recognize me," I mumble, shaking my head quickly. "We're not that well known yet, yknow? Vale would have a better ---."

"Vale is currently cussing out Craig and is going to cause us a scene if we don't go in already," the drummer grumbles, both of us looking over where Clarke and Vale stand, her hissing into his cellphone where he holds it between them. I can only imagine Craig's apologetic tone.

Oh man.

I sigh, but one of us is going to have to go up there. I cast a glance at the long line of people streching down the row behind the red rope before disappearing around the block. If we waited in line like everyone else, we'd be hours getting inside!

I take a deep breath, exhaling against the anxiety. Well, I can do this. I can approach this man and ask very nicely that he let us in because our business associates are waiting to meet us and he is not going to be the reason we turn into one hit wonders to be forgotten about! Or, god forbid, our music is just played in commercials and we get associated with some type of biscuit for the rest of our career.

I cringe at the thought.

I take a deep breath before starting forward. I avert my gaze from the long line of people I'm brazenly walking past, hoping I'm not about to embarrass myself. I can see some of them cutting their eyes at me, there's no telling how long they've been waiting outside to get into this club. I can already hear the music, it's like the walls are thrumming, the concrete beneath my boots pounding with the beat.

It's muffled, but it makes me wonder how loud it is inside.

I make it to the front of the line, but the bouncers back is to me as he lets someone in the door.

"Excuse me," I start, trying to not sound as nervous as I feel. I'm supposed to be confident, I represent my band after all, so cool and sophisticated is supposed to be a given. If it wasn't for the fact I'm incredibly clumsy and socially awkward, my appearance at least would give off that vibe.

The bouncer turns to glance at me, and I blink as I recognize him.

"Liliya?" Alexei sounds surprised, but I'm probably the last person he ever expected to see tonight.

I smile at him, relaxing a little bit. "Hey, Alexei. It's been a while, huh?"

"A while? Years!" He reaches forward, grasping and squeezing my hand tightly. His Russian accent is still heavy on his words, but his English is good now. My family is originally from Russia, but came here before I was born; a lot of my older brothers still have the accent just like my mother and cousins on her side.  "You've grown so much, I almost didn't recognize you!"

Not being recognized as the sad sop from before is probably the best compliment he could have given me. I hate the thought of how I was before I was able to escape my family, my life in that small town --- he probably remembers the girl who wouldn't make eye contact and would barely speak a word. It took me a long time to get out of that, and I'm happier with how I am now.

I'm not so afraid anymore.

"I thought you were going back home," I say after a moment, glancing him up and down. Still thick brown hair, broad shoulders and tall. He's shaved his beard, and he looks rather formiddable in his black t shirt and jeans; standard bouncer, he fits the part.

"I extended my visa to stay longer. I am here on weekends for extra money. How are you doing, Liliya? How is your music?" He questions, completely ignoring the complaining crowd that's wanting to go inside.

My eyes flick to where my band is gathered a ways down, staring intently and waiting for some kind of signal. Should I start waving my arms frantically or something, is that the cue that it's safe to come in?

"It's going pretty well so far. My band is just down there," I gesture at them pointedly. "We're actually supposed to be meeting a fellow band inside, Black Veil Brides?"

I hate that I end on a question, like I'm not really sure if I'm supposed to go in or not. Alexei either doesn't notice or ignores it, he just nods his head. It's kind of nice to see him, a cousin that I actually liked; he was always nice to me, always laughing or having a good time despite my mothers stern and serious demeanor. He didn't let her damper his happiness.

"Oh, yes, I let them in twenty minutes ago. They mentioned something about meeting someone. Come," Alexei tugs on the red velvet rope, waving his beefy hand at my band, who hastily scurries forward; I can see the relief on all of their faces.

Maybe one embarrassing moment can be missed for us?

"Thank you, Alexei," I say as they hastily file past me through the black scratched door, Vale sending me a curious look. "I'm glad I ran into you, too!"

"You must keep in touch more. Here," He reaches into his shirt pocket, pulling out a business card. I glance at it before slipping it into my backpocket, seeing how nice and sleek it looks. "If you need me, you reach me. I'm here for a few more months before I must extend visa again."

"I'll keep that in mind. Thank you," I say, giving him another smile before I step through the black door and into the darkness of the club.

This is the first time family has ever done anything for me.

~~~~~~

"How the hell did you manage to get us in, Leah?" Nate asks as he falls into step beside me, casually slipping his arm over my shoulder. I let him pull me to his side, my hand pressing lightly against his lower back; he really didn't need to wear that much cologne. "That was badass! I thought for sure we were gonna get stuck outside."

"Oh, I knew the bouncer, he's my cousin." I explain after a moment, my cheeks heating. We're going through a dark hallway, but I can just dimly see the door at the end, lights strobing underneath, and already the music is so loud I'm having to almost shout. I figure once we get inside we won't be able to hear anything at all.

Vale kicks open the door rather roughly, and I cringe as the music hits us full force. It's obnoxiously loud and my ears immediately ache from the bass. I can feel it through the floor, and the heat of the room! It's intense.

I can see where we have to go down a flight of stairs to get to a platform that leads to the bar, and a few more steps until you reached the club floor. The place is packed with people, dancing, drinking, having a good time. I wish I could relax like them, throw my hands carelessly in the air and just jump to the beat of the music.

Vale states I'm high strung all the time, kicking myself in the shin by looking for the next disaster instead of enjoying the current peace. She's not wrong, but I don't know how else to be. I annoy myself sometimes, and I wish I could change, but it would be a hard habit to drop.

"There's the guys," Vale shouts after a moment, and I follow her pointing finger across the room. I don't know how she knows it's them, everyone looks the same to me. Maybe it's the goggle of groupies crowding around the VIP area in their tiny dresses and glowing neon jewelry; how were we supposed to get past that? We're probably not even going to be able to get into the VIP area!

"Let's go, they probably think we're ditching them with how late we are," Clarke says, and I cringe. Thirty minutes past our meeting time, I hate that. I'm so weird about being punctual.

I latch tightly onto Vale, not wanting to get separated. I have a harder time keeping up with her longer strides, I almost feel childish clinging to her as we descend the metal steps. She squeezes my hand comfortingly, Nate and Clarke falling into step behind me.

I'm not quite sure how we all manage to stay together through the crowd, I'm pretty sure Clarke has a tight grip on Nate's collar to keep him from straying; no doubt he's already spying potential conquests for the night, and I roll my eyes at the thought. I'm starting to think that's all that goes through his head, he never takes anything seriously, at all! It drives me absolutely nuts, it's like he doesn't care!

Vale suddenly stalls in front of me, and I thoughtlessly step up beside her, seeing we've reached the impenetrable throng of groupies. There's a few guys mixed in, all talking excitedly out of reach of the red rope separating them from the VIP section. I wish I could lean around them, just wave and they part like the red sea so I could get where I needed to be.

How annoying.

"Excuse me," Vale says impatiently, boldly stepping forward. One of the girls glances at her, but hastily steps out of her way when she sees Vale isn't playing around. I know Clarke is looming behind me, and we all follow Vale forward, making sure to avoid all eye contact. I'm shorter than both of them, so I try to hunker between them so no one really notices me.

It's usually not too hard, but they're eyeballing us, and for some reason I have the feeling we've been recognized. If they're saying something I can't hear it over the obnoxious music, and I'm more than relieved when the bodyguard lording over the velvet rope opens it so we can step into the most peaceful section of any nightclub I've ever been in.

I let my breath go in relief as we head for where the other band is sitting. They've noticed us, and all of them are straightening, glasses already scattered on the polished black table where they sit.

My eyes flick to Andy instantly, and it's like all my nerves settle in my stomach, twisting it into this tight, awful knot that wants to rise into my throat. I rub my palms nervously against my jeans, hoping they don't want to shake hands.

Black Veil Brides is known for their black hair and bodypaint, the story they tell with their music. Andy, the lead singer, his voice is deep, and I swear when I first heard his music it sent a shiver down my spine. I loved their look, the tattoos, the paint and piercings --- I'm not one much for all the extra paint myself, my skin is too sensitive, but it works for them well enough.

Is it bad I know exactly who each of them are before they introduce themselves?

"You're Escape from Grace, right?" It's CC who greets us as we finally reach the table, rising to his feet. They're all dressed so... normal, kind of like us, and that makes me feel a little better. None of us really look like we're ready to party in a nightclub, except for maybe Nate with his untucked button up shirt and his attention still focused on the party raging a few feet from him.

I glance at Vale as she reaches to shake CC's hand, her lips lifting into a smile. Her hand lingers in his just a few moments longer than necessary before she pulls away, her eyes flicking him over from his tight black jeans to his headband keeping his hair at bay.

"Yeah. I'm Vale, that's Nate, Clarke, and Leah." She introduces us, gesturing with her hand. Andy hasn't really paid us any attention yet, he's draining a beer and leaning back in his chair; from the looks of it, they're all a few drinks in already. I used to watch his music videos and interviews all the time, sigh dramatically when he spoke; I just liked listening to his voice sometimes, I found it soothing. Now... well, considering I'm meeting him, I find it kind of embarrassing.

His black hair used to be really long, but now he'd cut it shorter where it barely fell into his blue eyes, the trademark eyeliner slightly smeared around them making the color stand out a little more. He's cleanshaven, just like the rest of them, and they all have dark hair --- probably dyed, no doubt.

"It's nice to meet you guys. Come on, sit down," Ashley, their bassist, says, gesturing at the empty chairs before us. Vale somehow finds her spot between Nate and Clarke, putting me beside Ashley, who gives me a grin I force myself to return. I squirm nervously in the cushioned chair, clenching my hands in my lap. I'm so not good with meeting new people, I wish I hadn't come. It's like the idea of it sounds good, but when it's actually happening all I want to do is leave.

"I'm glad you guys finally made it. We were starting to think you stood us up," Ashley calls after a moment, and Vale looks apologetic.

"Sorry about that! We got held up at the bouncer --- Leah had a family reunion," she adds hastily, and I'm kind of glad she does. How about we don't let them know we weren't on the list and couldn't even get in, okay? Kind of kills our vibe.

"Family reunion?" Jinxx questions, his hands clasped in front of him. He's their --- well, he does a little of everything. He's the guitarist, violinist, cellist, plays piano --- the man is a plythora of talents that he utilizes almost every show. It's very impressive, actually.

Nate nudges me, and I hesitate; do they really need the details? I mean, is that important? Everyone doesn't have to look at me so expectantly!

"My --- my cousin is the bouncer." I force myself to say after a moment, digging my nails into my palms as I shrug my shoulders. "I haven't seen him in a while, so we had to catch up. Sorry about being late," I say sincerely, glancing around the table. "That's not typical of us."

I want to assure them of that, so they don't think too lowly of us. Ashley is to my right, than Jinxx, and beside him is Jake, their lead guitarist. Andy is beside him, than CC on the edge beside Clarke, who sits stonefaced as always. He could really try to go for a more friendly face.

"How about some more drinks?" Vale suddenly suggests before anyone has a chance to respond, her voice bright. She raises her hand expectantly, and after a moment a frazzled woman manages to make it to our crowded table; really,so many of us shoved together, I feel like I'm melting. It's extremely hot in here!

"Order?" the woman asks, her hair done up in curls and makeup thick around her eyes. She's pretty, French apparently, and I'm not sure how she expects to hear any of us over this cacaponous music; I can't imagine having to work in a place like this.

Everyone rattles off their orders, and her pen moves furiously across her notepad before pausing. She frowns, her eyes raising to glance around the table before she asks us to repeat that one more time.  We try one more time, but I can see it on her face; she has no idea.

"Two scotches, another beer, and a martini for her," I say as I halfway turn in my chair, gesturing at Vale. "Just a coke for me, thank you. And don't worry, it's really loud in here, so I don't know how anyone can hear a thing." I add, not wanting her to feel bad. She blinks after me before giving me a smile; she looks relieved.

"Thank you. I'll be right back with your orders." She says before turning, disappearing through the throng of people.

"What magic language did you two just speak?" Ashley asks as I shift, realizing everyone is looking at me. Some of them look surprised, some impressed, and I can feel the heat rising in my face.

"French..?"

"How did you learn French? That was so smooth." He compliments, crossing his arms on the table as he looks at me. I avert my gaze, shrugging my shoulders.

"I was an army brat, I've lived all over the world." I explain when it's obvious no one else is going to say anything. "I can speak a little of this and that."

"You're fluent enough to order alcohol, that's good enough for me." he chuckles, his light voice lilting. He's probably the shortest of the group, with high cheekbones and studs decorating his ears. I think he has his own clothing line now, so he's very successful; him and Nate will get along great when it comes to chasing down the women I'm sure. That's the impression I've always gotten of him, anyway.

I've fangirled enough over this band I feel like I know way too much information.

I glance behind me as the noise increases, seeing that the club is starting to get pretty crowded now. Probably due to the photos of the two bands sitting together I know those groupies have been taking and blasting all over social media. I squirm a little in my chair, listening to everyone attempt to talk and hear each other.

I don't think I'll ever be able to hear again after we leave this place.

"So," Andy speaks for the first time tonight, leaning forward a little as he glances at my band. "What are you guys going to open with at our show?"

Oh, right down to business, okay.

"The Last Song is Ours," Vale answers him easily, steepling her fingers in front of her on the table, lights glinting off her black nail polish. Honestly, she would make a great frontwoman for our band, I wish she was the one with the vocal talents and I could just play guitar. Alas, Vale sounds like a screeching duck with something stuck in its throat when she tries to sing, which is also why she avoids even doing back up vocals.

We all have our strong suits, and that's just not hers.

"It should get the crowd pumped, get them ready for you guys to come on stage." She adds when he doesn't comment. "Have you heard it?"

"I've listened to it, your manager sent us your opening list. It's a good song," Ashley states before Andy can reply. "You can reach some serious heights with that voice, Leah. It's impressive."

"Oh, thanks." I nervously brush a strand of blue hair behind my ear. "It's one of our most popular right now, so it's... uh, it's good."

Oh jeez.

It's good? That's all that I can manage?

I'm so relieved when the waitress is suddenly back with our drinks, sliding them around the table. She gives me a bright smile that I return as I take my drink, deciding to leave a nice tip for her.

"All the drinks are right," Jinxx somehow manages to sound surprised as he glances around.

"Why wouldn't they be?" I blink. I know what they said, I ordered them right.

"Y'know, it's a little loud in here if you guys are wanting to talk business," Vale says loudly as a rumble of bass manges to shake the icecubes in my coke. "Why don't we blow this place? It's a little crowded anyway."

Oh yes please. The heat in this room is murder!

"I know a food place a few blocks out, I'm starving anyway. We should be able to hear each other there anyway," Ashley suggests immediatley, already rising to his feet. I blink as he offers his hand to me, and reluctantly I let him help me to my feet; why does he keep paying me so much attention? Vale has been the one leading all the conversations.

"Sounds good to me. Let's get out of here," Clarke says in agreement, his arm coming to rest around my shoulder almost protectively. I glance up at him, but his square jaw is set, and I think he's actually annoyed --- it's hard to tell, since he always looks that way. "Food sounds nice."

Ashley raises his perfectly done brows, raising his hands as if acknowledging --- wait a minute.

Was he trying to flirt with me and I didn't know it? He's barely said a few sentences to me, Clarke doesn't have to baby sister me all of a sudden!

Although, I don't really mind. He's looking out for me, and at least that'll get Ashley to lose all interest, too. I'm not interested in any sort of romantic relationship, probably ever. I'm quite fine with our music being our focus, the driving force in my life right now.

Although --- no, no brain, none of that. No excuses. You can ogle but not touch, I tell myself as Andy brushes past me.

To be honest, I'm kind of disappointed meeting them. Everyone seems friendly but him, and he was who I was so excited to meet in person. Maybe when we're out of the club, it'll be different. Sometimes it's just the environment.

Vale would tell me not to make excuses for him, and I know she's irritated as she stogs after the other band. It takes us a good bit to make it across the club and up the stairs, mostly because the bodyguards have to clear the groupies out of the way. I'm kind of surprised when they even look excitedly at us, that we're --- well, someone recognized our band!

It's nice, and a pretty damn good feeling to not feel so insignificant, too!

It makes me stand a little straighter, walk with a little more pride.

Even if Andy isn't into us opening for us, at least I know our music is good. We've worked so hard to claw our way this far, and just that one girl gasping at us, squealing when she realized who we were --- that's enough for me to know we're worthy of this.

This is our opportunity, and we're going to do so damn well that Black Veil Brides will be opening for us one day, I'm sure of it!

I also know that when they do, I won't have such a pissy attitude meeting them, either.