#I was scared that people might think that I don't understand the characters or smth bc I mainly write fluffy ooc content when in truth I do

[kunikidas-lost-glasses]

Headcanons and short drabbles for my BSD Fix-it AU

!Contains Spoilers for the whole DoA arc!

TWs: Mentions of OCD, mentions of panic attacks, mentions of crying, mentions of slight gun violence, mentions of screaming, mentions of heavy injuries, mentions of medical related stuff (p.ex.infirmaries), mentions of chronic pain 

All characters might be ooc.

Pairings: Shin Soukoku, Bramcraft, at first Ranpoe and implied developing Mushiranpoe,later mentioned Mushiranpoe, Chuusigzai, lightly implied past!Fyozai (it’s up to interpretation if romantically or platonically but it’s written more in a platonic way), implied Tachihigugin, Fyolai, engaged!Suegiku, Montcott

The ADA managed to defeat Fukuchi and obtained the page

Fyodor and Nikolai got away though.

The moment Sigma wanted to shoot Fyodor, Nikolai appeared next to Fyodor through one of his overcoat portals and pulled the other with him through it. 

It did send Sigma into a panic attack and Dazai too got nervous because of this but as soon as the ADA managed to obtain the page, he got a lot calmer and told Atsushi to write that Fyodor loses his ability on the page, knowing that it not only would send the russian into several existence crises but also knowing that the chance that he would try to erase all ability users would become much lower then. 

Dazai knew Fyodor for years and he knew how much his ability tortured him since his early childhood. He knew that Punishment plagued him and took over a lot. 

Fyodor’s ability was strong and was just as intelligent as the one who wielded it so that his ability slowly but surely started to affect his mind a lot wasn’t unexpected. 

When Dazai touched Fyodor for the first time years ago, the other basically melted into his touch after Dazai touched him despite his threats that he would kill the other if he would dare to touch him. 

The heavy weight of Punishment, the sharp and piercing feeling of the powerful ability raging inside of him whenever he felt threatened as well as its influence on his mind faded to nothing for the first time in his life.

When they met again, Dazai was almost sure that Punishment affected the other’s mind completely since he had gotten more cruel and heartless but also because he worked so tirelessly on his goal to erase all ability users so now he was almost completely sure that erasing only Fyodor’s ability would stop the other.

He was right. Upon feeling his ability fading away until it was completely gone, Fyodor went, just like Dazai expected, through a whole existence crises

With his ability fading, Fyodor also slowly gained full consciousness over his mind again and fully realized what had happened, even though he couldn’t remember events where Punishment had taken over his consciousness nearly completely.

After everything, the russian spent weeks in his bed, not only recovering from his physical injuries he had from their prison escape game but also because his mind struggled to process the fact that Punishment was gone and that he was only Fyodor now. No Crime. No Punishment. No vessel for Punishment. Just Fyodor. 

He also had to process the fact that he gained full consciousness again and had to deal with all the guilt because of what happened which was eating him up alive for quite some time.

The one who took care of him the whole time was no other than Nikolai. 

Nikolai who had put his clown attire away by now. Nikolai, who violently shook Fyodor after saving him, screaming at him for not getting out of his mind and for stopping him from being free, screaming that he hated him so much. Nikolai who had held a gun to Fyodor’s head, hand shaking before dropping the gun, letting his friend go and kneeling in front of him, sobbing. Nikolai who slowly learned to accept that he loved Fyodor and who slowly tried to believe that he could be free together with Fyodor.

He knew that Fyodor returned his feelings but he also knew that Fyodor waited until Nikolai had everything sorted out.

And Fyodor did wait. He waited patiently and eventually, when Nikolai was ready and both got more stable as well as used to their new quiet life, living undercover and when Fyodor was physically fully and mentally partly recovered, they got together in one cold winter night.

Their relationship was beautiful actually and it was based on mutual deep understanding and a bond which already started to form when they both met while living on the streets in the Ukraine as young teens.

Dazai was still secretly searching for the whereabouts of Fyodor and Nikolai for nearly two years, despite knowing that it was nearly impossible to find the russian if he didn’t wanted to be found, scared that his plan didn’t carry out exactly as he hoped that it would but after nearly four years passed, he was almost completely sure that the rat and his clown wouldn’t try to start a war again. 

Sigma and Bram joined the ADA

Sigma’s entrance actually started with the elevator crashing down and he passed it by staying on Dazai’s and the ADA’s side, nearly managing to shoot Fyodor, instead of running away or going back to the Decay of Angels. 

Bram on the other hand, kind of had to stay with the ADA but he actually didn’t  mind.

Aya begged the agency not to kill Bram and eventually they gave in and gave Bram an entrance exam for multiple reasons, one of them being that he can’t be on his own, slashed in half like this but also that if they would pull out the sword, he would have no control over his ability, just like he told Aya so they somehow needed to keep his ability at bay.

After Bram passed the entrance exam and managed to prove his good motives, which wasn’t that hard for him since he never wanted to cause a vampire outbreak to happen and got forced into biting people/since he joined the DoA against his own will,  Dazai touched the sword, nullifying it, so that they could pull out the sword without hurting Bram any further. 

With the sword out of him, he was able to regenerate his body in a matter of a few days.

At first he even refused to Dazai touching it, scared that his ability might lash out completely like he had told Aya but Fukuzawa’s ability kept his vampirism at bay and allowed him to control it much better

By now he has a full body again and can make his own decisions again without being bound to anyone but he still has to use a cane since after not walking/not even having a full body for literal centuries he still struggles with walking and kind of has to relearn it.

He also has to relearn how to use his hands for the exact same reasons. 

However, he can also transform into a large bat again so he usually chills, hanging upside down from the ceiling or hanging upside down on the side of Sigma’s desk, sleeping in his bat form. (Sigma put a little metal bar on the side of his desk specifically for Bram.)

Sigma and Bram kind of get along pretty well. They already got along back when they were both in the DoA but could barely talk/get to know each other since they barely saw each other outside of the meetings of the organization. 

Besides this, Sigma was nearly always busy in his casino and Bram was very well hidden and most of the time guarded by Fukuchi in some way. 

Fukuchi got defeated completely.

The Hunting Dogs had to go under police investigation but after they were proven to be innocent and to be not involved with the DoA, they got a new leader. They couldn’t split the Hunting Dogs up since they would die without the operations.

Jounou and Tecchou got engaged a few months after the war against the DoA.

Atsushi brought Bram and Aya to Dazai where he could touch the vampire, nullifying his ability and turning the people who had been turned into vampires back into humans. 

Yosano saved multiple lives that day since the injuries which some people had before they got turned into a vampire returned shortly after they were fully human again. 

Upon seeing Akutagawa again, alive, healthy and fully human again, Atsushi thought he wouldn’t believe his eyes at first but only a couple of seconds later after standing there like frozen, staring at the other, Atsushi dashed forwards, tackle-hugging Akutagawa with such a strength and with such a speed that he knocked both of them over so that they both fell on the floor. 

Atsushi hugged Akutagaw so tightly that the other heard he would hear his ribs crack before Atsushi sat up a bit, yelling at Akutagawa for being so stupid for sacrificing himself for Atsushi and asking if if he could imagine how it felt to fight against him as a mindless vampire.

He really tried not to cry but he failed. Miserably.

When he tackle-hugged Akutagawa for the first time, tears where already in the corner of his eyes and upon feeling the other again, hearing him breathe and smelling the familiar faint smell of tea like which the other nearly always smelled, he couldn’t stop the tears from falling and it got worse when he was yelling at Akutagawa but that didn’t stop him from doing so.

Akutagawa just listened to him quietly (it drove Atsushi a bit crazy to be completely honest)

Eventually Atsushi actually talked himself that much in rage, that he ended up confessing accidentally to Akutagawa which caused him to shut up immediately staring shocked at Akutagawa who looked at him with wide eyes too, before hectically trying to scramble away and get up to give Akutagawa space since he was nearly completely sure that the other was disgusted now but Akutagawa actually grabbed him before he could get up fully and pulled him back so that he lied on top of him again before hugging him, telling him that he felt the same causing Atsushi to start to sob all over again. 

Akutagawa lied there with a faint smile, slowly rubbing the bag of the other and he would never admit it but he too, had watery eyes

Normally he would have never reacted like this or would have shown such a soft side of him but after what happened, even he couldn’t stay as cold as usual

Soukoku watched them with little smiles on their faces, how they continued to lie on the floor curled up together in a tight hug, talking quietly about everything.

Fyodor’s downfall actually started with underestimating Soukoku’s bond and with sending Chuuya to Dazai in order to kill the latter without realizing that Chuuya was already long out of his vampire state. 

Chuuya was the one who carried Dazai out of the hallway to a safe place, who did first aid on Dazai who was heavily injured from the elevator crash and who guarded him until everything was over.

Dazai managed to snap Chuuya out of the vampire state by nearly making him and Fyodor drown (it was actually part of a big plan c of Dazai which was the plan he would have to use in the worst case. That Chuuya got turned into a vampire wasn’t his first plan but it was included in one of his “worst case” plans.)

Chuuya punched him hard later for nearly drowning him and saying such things before he “drowned” but upon noticing that Dazai was sticking extremely close to him and refused to leave his side the whole time and also upon seeing that he was truly shaken up too (no matter how hard he tried to mask it), he just sighed and hugged his partner. 

They stayed like that, quietly hugging each other and Dazai basically clinging to Chuuya, holding onto him and hugging him so tightly that Chuuya struggled to breathe for a moment and he buried his face in the redheads crook of the neck for a long time

Later, they would never talk about the fact that Dazai was shaking like crazy during the first time of their embrace but when Chuuya realized it he just slowly started to rub the younger's back and buried his face in the others brown messy locks. They didn’t need any words at that moment.

Dazai became even clingier to Chuuya than he was before.

Ranpo and Yosano would stick close together and also stick close to Fukuzawa for the next months, not wanting to get separated for longer than a day.

Yosano would never forget the sight of seeing Fukuzawa and Ranpo lying unconsciously on the ground, bleeding out from stab wounds. 

She stayed at their side until they woke up again after she had healed them.

After they woke up again, she tried to appear put together and greeted them with a relieved smile which quickly turned into a wobbly smile after she heard Ranpo complaining about his head hurting and about starting to complain about the fact that they didn’t listen to him in the first place. 

He quickly stopped complaining after he noticed that Yosano had gone quiet and after Fukuzawa noticed her teary eyes, he asked her to come to him. Of course she did so and he pulled her into a tight hug. 

It was the first time in years that Yosano cried. 

Ranpo started to complain about getting left out so Yosano huffed out a laugh and pulled him into a bone crushing hug too.

While Fukuzawa and Ranpo were allowed to leave her infirmary the same day, the people who had been turned into vampires had to stay for a bit longer. Some of them only woke up days later.

The reason why they had to stay a bit longer was because despite Yosano successfully healing them and despite vampirism getting nullified, they felt worn out and exhausted and seemed to recover much slower. Even after a month the most still had to take things slow since their bodies quickly started to feel worn out and they often felt exhausted from doing the smallest things. After some months went by, the symptoms got lesser and lesser though. 

Yosano had asked Bram if they could turn into vampires again but Bram told her that this was impossible.

As soon as Yosano allowed people to visit people in the infirmary again, Poe and Mushitarou were next to Ranpo’s bed.

Poe basically refused to leave Ranpo’s side and held his hand tightly. 

Mushitarou stood next to Poe with a little smile on his face. 

Mushitarou had started to slowly get along a bit more with the detective but they couldn’t really hang out since Ranpo had been in fighting against the DoA with the others while Poe acted as a supporter from the back rows. 

However, he got a lot closer with the writer, after all, he lived with him. 

As soon as they’ve gotten the information that Ranpo had gotten injured by Fukuchi and was now being healed by Yosano, Poe nearly fell into a panic hole and it was Mushitarou who carefully took the phone out of Poe’s hand, saying that they would come over in a minute, before he hung up and started to calm the writer down who already struggled to breathe evenly and had shaking hands. 

He wasn’t as good at it as Ranpo was but surprisingly he was able to calm the other down in no time.

Now, standing next to Poe, next to Ranpo’s bed, he did felt strangely relieved that the detective was fine and seeing Poe babbling about how scared he was as well as scolding Ranpo for being so reckless while Ranpo patted the others head and squeezed his hand, telling him to calm down, his heart felt weirdly warm upon seeing them like that.

The ADA actually threw a huge celebration party over two whole days to celebrate their victory over Fukuchi and the DoA. It was an even greater celebration than when they won against the guild

When Lucy finally saw her girlfriend Louisa at that party again, she basically dropped everything she was holding and ran to her, pulling her in a bone crushing hug.

Louisa was a bit startled at first but then giggled and hugged Lucy back, burying her face in the crook of the other woman's neck.

Lucy would never admit it but she did in fact cry a little bit upon finally being able to hold Louisa again and upon seeing that she was healthy and alive. 

The two would stick close together for the rest of the evening. 

Lucy also proceeded to kiss Louisa’s scar which she had from Nathaniel’s attack, telling her that she still looked beautiful with it.

Bram was able to reunite with Lovecraft. 

The two of them had been in a relationship back in the medieval era but after Bram got sliced in half and got taken away like a trophy, Lovecraft had been unable to find him again for centuries and when he found him again, he had already been in the hands of Fukuchi. 

All that Lovecraft wanted, was to free Bram from Fukuchi but he knew that Fukuchi would use Bram against Lovecraft, hurting Bram even more in the process and the last thing Lovecraft wanted, was to make Bram suffer even more than he already had to so he couldn’t do anything beside staying close to the vampire and following them wherever Fukuchi took him. 

The time where Bram had been on the ship had been hell for Lovecraft. He stayed underwater, underneath the ship where he was forced to listen to how Fukuchi treated Bram, how Bram tried to refuse biting people and how tired, hollow and exhausted the voice of his partner sounded. 

Lovecraft wanted to sink the ship oh 8so bad, dragging Fukuchi down with it and killing him underwater and taking Bram with him, since Fukuchi was defenseless against him there. The world underwater was Lovecraft’s world, his element and a mere human was defenseless against him there but he knew that there was a risk that Bram got injured if he really did so and he didn’t wanted to risk that so he was forced to stay underneath the ship, hoping that one day he was able to get Bram back. 

When Bram saw Lovecraft again, he froze and stared at the black haired man with wide eyes. 

He was sure that he would never see Lovecraft again, that he had lost him forever. 

Bram had never stopped thinking and dreaming about the other but he didn’t even dare to hope that he would see him again. 

Lovecraft didn’t look any different than he remembered him. He wore different and more modern clothes and he looked more tired and worn out than before but beside that he still looked exactly how he remembered it.

It didn’t took long until Lovecraft noticed that someone stared at him and when he spotted Bram, he too froze for a moment.

He only managed to say the other’s name before ran towards him, using a bit of his vampire abilities to move faster. However, he tripped shortly before he reached Lovecraft due to his legs giving out but Lovecraft quickly catched him and hugged him.

He held him so carefully as if he would hurt him if he hugged him any tighter.

He had always been careful with Bram since the vampire always nearly felt as fragile as a human in Lovecraft’s arms, despite being an immortal being and since Lovecraft was well aware of his strength he was always careful when touching Bram but now he seemed to touch him even more careful than before. 

Bram however, hugged him as tight as he could, burning his face in the other’s shirt and closing his eyes. 

Nobody saw the tears which escaped his eyes. Only Lovecraft could feel them and only he felt that Bram was shaking slightly. 

Lovecraft on the other hand, was still trying to process that he finally was able to hold Bram again and that Bram was okay. 

After a couple of moments he buried his face in the others long gray hair and closed his eyes as well. They didn’t need any words. It has always been like this. 

They stood like this, hugging each other for a long time and even afterwards, they would stick together. 

Lovecraft would always visit Bram whenever he could and they also started to meet up at night again. Usually Bram would fly down to the harbor where he met Lovecraft. Then they would talk for hours again, like they did back when they first met. They would talk and sleep, holding each other. They would dance and sometimes they would just sit somewhere, watching the night sky and remiscene about the old times. 

Bram often thinks about his kins and his family. After all, he is the only vampire who survived and who is now walking freely around on earth again. He misses them greatly and often he blames himself for not being able to defend them. 

Lovecraft is always there for him when the thoughts get too dark.

Sigma is allowed to carry a gun with him constantly.

He is also practicing to use his ability more precisely and is training to use his ability in order to overwhelm enemies through flooding their mind with so much information that they pass out.

He often gets paired with Atsushi when they go on missions.

They both spend a lot of time together and they became best friends. 

 When Atsushi saw that Sigma was alive, he nearly cried. The “death” of Sigma would leave his mind and he mourned about the death of the other, despite not really knowing him so when he saw him again, he couldn’t believe his eyes before he ran over to him, telling him how relieved he was to see him alive and well. 

Sigma was completely caught off guard at first. Nobody ever was so glad about seeing that he was fine. In all his years with the DoA he was merely a replaceable tool and this boy was nearly crying out of relief and happiness upon seeing him again despite not really knowing anything about him.

It made Sigma feel warm inside and his heart felt like it got squished but in a good way. It was the first time he wondered if this is what “home” felt like. 

Later he asked how he could ever thank Atsushi for his kindness. He showed him back at the sky casino but to his surprise, the other didn’t want anything and told him that he’s just happy that Sigma is fine. 

By now, Sigma, Atsushi, Lucy and Kyouka often spend time together. Sometimes they visit Lucy at the Café, sometimes they go shopping together, sometimes they go and get Crépes together and sometimes they just talk for a while at the office of the ADA.

Sigma and Atsushi both judge Dazai’s shinegans.

Sigma got together with Chuuya and Dazai some time after the war against the DoA.

Chuuya and Dazai were already a couple for years but after the events in Meursault, they also got together with Sigma. 

Dazai already started falling for Sigma early into the events of Meursault while Sigma slowly started falling for Dazai after the latter saved them from drowning. 

Chuuya already started to admire Sigma when he saw Sigma aiming the gun at Fyodor’s head, showing true strength and bravery and it didn’t take long until they both fell for each other after meeting too. 

However Sigma was a bit intimidated by Chuuya at first so it took him a bit longer to warm up to Chuuya. 

They love each other deeply and while Sigma and Chuuya would die for Dazai even though they would never admit it, Dazai would live for them.

However, Dazai is also still getting used to receiving this much genuine love and affection from two people. 

Sigma is also still slowly getting used to being treated like a human being instead of a tool/ is still getting used to not getting used the whole time and also to finally having not one but two places he can call home (the ADA and Dazai and Chuuya). 

During the first time after the war against the DoA, Dazai had to use a wheelchair for a long time after crashing down with the elevator, breaking his legs in several places and breaking other bones as well.

After months, he could walk a bit again and started to use forearm crutches as soon as he could walk for longer periods of time again. 

Eventually he only used one forearm crutch.

He had to keep using a forearm crutch for years.

After a long time, he used a cane instead.

He already struggled with chronic back pain from a failed suicide attempt where he fell on his back, injuring his spine and since he didn’t seeked help from Yosano until months later, the spine healed more badly than anything which is why it now often hurts and cracks, making sitting straight hurt like hell after some time and the serval injuries he had after falling down with the elevator added more chronic pain and his legs couldn’t support his weight fully anymore without hurting like crazy until years later. The pain never fully faded though.

He hated needing the help of others but slowly he started to allow it. 

Kunikida has to practice things like tying his hair into a ponytail, braiding his hair, tying his shoes and writing again because his new hands are still weak and very shaky. 

It caused him multiple breakdowns already due to feeling utterly useless, especially now that he can neither do a lot of paperwork or use his ability as fast and often as before.

Dazai and Ranpo are the only ones who know about Kunikida struggling. 

Dazai actually helps Kunikida when his mental health is particularly bad again and helps him to calm down when he finds him locked in one of the toilet stalls in the bathroom of the ADA again, breaking down on particularly bad days when his hands were shaking so much again that he couldn’t do anything which required precise hand movements. 

Previously, Kuniikida would check on Dazai every evening to see if the other was fine and if he had eaten anything. Now it’s Dazai’s turn to check on his partner regularly. 

At first Kunikida hated it, but slowly he started to accept the support and help from Dazai.

Dazai, Kunikida, Chuuya and Sigma regularly meet up somewhere during weekends to spend some time together. Most of the time, they just talk about work and about life but sometimes they watch movies together at Chuuya’s apartment which he shares with Dazai and Sigma. 

 After Sigma and Kunikida got to know each other through their work at the ADA, they started to get along pretty well and Chuuya and Kunikida got along well anyway. They love to rant about work and about Dazai’s bs while drinking expensive wine. 

Sigma sometimes bakes cookies for the whole ADA.

Fukuzawa refused to exchange any of the ADA members with Mori after he found out about the lie he told Yosano. 

He was furious. 

He knew that it would have consequences but for now he didn’t worry about it. 

Sigma’s OCD and his panic disorder which he developed during his time with the DoA got even worse after the war against the DoA. 

He never told anyone about it and normally he was able to hide his compulsions, his panic and the distress which came from not performing compulsions very well but during the first time after the DoA was defeated, everything got even harder to hide. 

Dazai noticed him writing a word on a word document over and over again, deleting it before writing it again and noticed how Sigma grew more and more distressed. He didn’t confront him about it right then at the crowded office of the ADA but he instead asked him if he could help him with something to snap him out of the thought spiral. 

At home, he confronted Sigma about it, and while Sigma at first panicked, eventually he told Dazai about it.

By now, both Chuuya and Dazai support and help Sigma whenever his fear and his OCD get too much for him. 

The Hunting Dogs came personally to the ADA to apologize for everything they did as well as for believing that they were guilty. 

Tecchou also apologized less formally and more emotionally to Yosano and thanked her again for saving Jounou’s life. After all, they had wanted to execute her so he would have understood it, if she would have refused to help them.

Kenji was thrilled to finally meet this friend Tecchou talked about and he cheerfully greeted Jounou, telling him that he was happy that Jounou was okay and also telling him that Tecchou had been worried sick about him and that he was even willing to place Jounou above justice which was obviously so dear to him. (You must be really good friends then! :D)

Upon hearing this, Jounou just smiled at Tecchou who looked away,  a tiny bit embarrassed. 

Of course Jounou already knew about what happened and he had already scolded Tecchou for nearly 15 minutes for placing him above justice and his mission and for also nearly killing a whole child in his blind rage. 

He can’t deny that his cheeks had been a dark red shade upon hearing this though.

Teruko and Sigma stay far away from each other though and Tachihara keeps a respectful distance to the former casino manager too, knowing that Sigma probably never forgives them for making his casino fall from the sky, killing everyone in it but he understands it.

 That Sigma doesn’t even want to look at Teruko, whether it’s because of the guilt he feels or because of the fact that they killed the people he viewed as his family, is fully justified. At least in Tachihara’s eyes.

The Hunting Dogs now are always there to help the ADA if they would ever need more help with a case or with fighting against an enemy. 

Tachihara stayed with the Hunting Dogs but he still meets up with the Black Lizard regularly and he actually lives with Gin and Higuchi.  

Sometimes he meets up with the Black Lizard and with Chuuya at the bar to which they always went to drink and chat for the whole night like in the old times. 

There is no bad blood at all and all enjoy their meetings greatly. 

He sometimes misses his time at the Port Mafia but as long as he can meet up with them, it's alright. 

He couldn’t leave the Hunting Dogs either. 

Both, Port Mafia and Hunting Dogs are like a family to him so he tries his best, to connect both worlds as best as he can. 

At Home, with Higuchi and Gin, they don’t talk about their jobs anyways. There it is just them. No Port Mafia and no Hunting Dogs unless there is really something someone needs to talk about with their partners/unless there is something someone wants to get off their chest.

Dazai still has awful nightmares about the events at the Meursault Prison. 

Sigma also suffers from night terrors about the same events.

When Dazai wakes up from one of those nightmares again, he usually directly checks if Chuuya and Sigma are still there with him, listens to their breathing and to Chuuya’s little snores as he calms down. 

Sometimes he gets out of their bed and goes into the kitchen or the living room where he sits on the couch, staring holes in the air or staring at the ceiling while he tries to calm his racing mind down. 

Most of the time, Chuuya and Sigma wake up shortly after Dazai left the bed though and grow alarmed immediately, causing them to get out of bed in no time and to search for their boyfriend.

After they found him, Chuuya usually can tell directly what is going on and they comfort him and gently urge him to come back to bed with them.

Sigma reacts much differently than Dazai. 

He often dreams about the DoA, about Fyodor, about his casino or about falling down from the casino but most of the time, he dreams about the elevator which is crashing down with a rapid speed, with Dazai still in it. 

Those dreams are often bloody and horrifying and Sigma often wakes up screaming for Dazai, hyperventilating and crying. 

Chuuya and Dazai always calm him down and are there for him. All three of them are awful at comforting but it works for them.

Most of the time, Dazai hugs Sigma, rubs his back or gently saws back and forth while Chuuya is verbally trying to comfort him and holds his hands, caressing the back of them and assures Sigma that he’s safe here with them and that they are okay. 

They also help Sigma to calm his breathing again and gently prevent him from tugging at his hair/pulling at his hair since it’s something Sigma does when he is stressed, scared or panicking. 

They also always let Sigma talk about his nightmare and look out that his panic won’t get worse again. 

Dazai also always lets Sigma feel his pulse, knowing that this can calm Sigma down more than anything. 

He always regulates his heart beat to a calming, slow one too to calm Sigma down more when he feels his pulse.

When Sigma feels better again and Chuuya gently urges him to try to sleep again, knowing how exhausted Sigma is after the panic attack and assuring him that they won’t leave his side. 

They often lie curled up together in one big cuddle pile then, Sigma lying between them and both hugging him. 

Chuuya and Dazai often quietly talk about everything when Sigma fell asleep again. 

Dazai always stops Sigma and Chuuya from overworking themselves since both tend to do so due to Chuuya’s workaholic tendencies and due to Sigma’s anxiety and perfectionism.

Ranpo scolds the whole ADA for multiple hours that they didn’t listen to him in regards to the DoA case and brings it up over and over again.

He basically won’t let anyone forget that he warned them and that they wouldn’t listen to him.

The agency is now much more careful with accepting cases and Fukuzawa wouldn’t let anyone who was still recovering, no matter if mentally or physically, go on any more dangerous/more shady cases for the first time until they were fully recovered again. 

Ranpo moved into Poe’s mansion as well and now lives with Poe and Mushitarou. 

Mushitarou actually got together with Poe and Ranpoe after a while. 

He’s the happiest he’s been since quite a while. 

Aya often visits the ADA after school.

Fukuzawa thanked her and Lucy for their support and their selfless actions to support the ADA during the vampirism outbreak.

Bram only rarely has to go to investigate a case with others. Most of the time he is sleeping somewhere in the office. 

Now Kunikida has to scold two for sleeping/lazing around at the office during working hours.

Dazai is again trying to get Atsushi to do his paperwork, driving Kunikida crazy. 

However, when Dazai sees that Kunikida is struggling again, he sometimes snatches some papers from the stack on Kunikida’s desk and actually does a bit of Kunikida’s paperwork for him. 

At first Kunikida told him to stop but eventually he just let Dazai help him. He couldn’t stop him from doing so in any way since if Dazai really wanted to do something, there was no way of stopping him and deep inside he was thankful for Dazai’s help. 

Dazai shows Bram the most weird songs to exist.

Surprisingly, the truce between the ADA and the PM is still on going but Dazai and Chuuya already agreed to not moving into separated apartments if the truce gets broken, not wanting to give up their life living together and living together with Sigma so soon again. 

All three agreed that if the truce should get broken, they would move into an apartment which is neither close to the ADA or the PM and which belongs to neither of the organizations. 

Lovecraft sometimes comes over to meet Bram at his dorm or at the office of the ADA. Especially when it’s bad weather outside since Bram dislikes going out so Lovecraft comes to him instead of Bram meeting him at the harbor. 

The first few times he came to the ADA, everyone was very weary around him and not even Dazai made any comments. 

The very first time, even Fukuzawa came out of his office to talk with the guest, ready to fight if needed. 

By now, they are still weary about him but have gotten used to him just randomly appearing at the office or in the house where their apartments are, especially when it’s raining or storming outside.

It became a normal thing.

Kenji even sometimes offers Lovecraft some tea or snacks and greets him happily upon seeing him, asking him how he’s doing.

During the first time he visited, Lovecraft also told Kunikida that if they should ever hurt Bram or just try to do so, he would destroy the whole agency.

Bram was asleep at that moment. After he found out, he scolded Lovecraft a bit. 

Bram and Lovecraft love to complain about everything to each other. 

Lovecraft sometimes brings Bram fruits. 

Bram loves fruits. It probably has to do with him being able to transform into a bat. 

After Kenji found out about this too, he often brings Bram fresh fruits, especially when Bram has a bad day, in order to cheer him up.

Sigma teaches others how to play different card games.

Chuuya sometimes comes over to pick his partner up from work when he can leave his work early for once.

He also is always willing to pick one of them up from work if one of them isn't feeling well but the other one is stuck in a meeting. 

When Atsushi first saw Dazai again, after the latter finally was allowed to leave the infirmary again, he tackled hugged him and hugged him so tightly that Yosano had to remind him to be a bit more careful.

Atsushi refused to let Dazai go for quite a while and cried his eyes out.

Dazai was sitting there like frozen for a moment before awkwardly patting Atsushi on the back, laughing and telling him that he is happy to see him too while trying to ignore the fact that his eyes got a bit teary too. 

Kunikida and Dazai’s reunion was much quieter but also very emotional. 

They were finally able to hug it out too. 

The whole reunion of the ADA was very emotional.

The ADA  isn’t framed anymore and went back to their normal routine, even though there are a few changes and even though the war changed everyone a bit. 

They do take cases again however and even though Dazai warned them that there might be another war against another ability user, they are enjoying their time now and they are prepared a lot better for new battles than previously.

[nyoxt]

@ygtahoy that's the first part to your biiiiig ask, I’ll just divide my answers between characters, because ooooh you threw at me so many questions, and the post would be gigantic (it's already ssooo long) :D Thaaanks!!! (eugh I wanted to sprinkle the texts with sketches, but sketches are not happening due to arteblock, and I don’t want it to take a year or smth to answer, so I’ll sprinkle some sketches once I’m out of the pit😔) For Ram: (tw suicidal ideations for one of the answers down below)

[3]What emotion is the hardest for them to deal with?

Anger! Ram generally tends to swallow and bottle up all the negative emotions, but anger especially so. Mostly because he's terrified of his own anger (not without a reason I guess-he's wildly aware that he can hurt people around him easily if he's not careful; and he has done quite a lot of people-hurting in prison, where he didn't hold himself back in any way) and refuse to even acknowledge its existence.

So Ram's way of dealing with anger is – to push it down and bottle up-> continue 'till the maximum pressure is reached-> then bottle up s'more->explode->scare himself shitless with the result and/or his own reactions->feel immense guilt/shame->swear to never be like that again-> rinse, repeat.

Surprisingly, Duncan can see through Ram's cheerful performances with ease, because that's one of the things that Didn't Change At All since they first met. Also Duncan is probably the only person Ram trusts enough to show at least some anger. Which led the rest of the group to conclusion that they hate each other's' guts,while them getting all heated and snappy was the sign of mutual trust and freedom to express themselves without the fear of being rejected for “bad” emotions. I like to think that Duncan tried to nudge Ram towards some healthy/er ways to vent his frustrations- like taking him to some junkyard to just break some things (just to be met with “Break stuff?? Why?! What's fun in that??? Angry? Who's angry? I don't have any anger issues at all! :) “

[17] What is their biggest struggle that no one around is able to understand or believe?

Augh that's a tough question because I've never thought about it heh. Probably that Ram actually struggles to open up to people and maintain deep connections which are as beneficial for him as for the others. That might be hard to believe because he's always the heart of the company, everyones' bestie, can befriend even a rock, always there to help, to listen, to be the shoulder to cry or to lean on etc etc. And despite talking and asking people about themselves and their wellbeing a lot, he tells very little about himself and somehow manages to be very secretive.

[55] How long does it take for them to make a new place feel like home, and what do they need for it?

Unknown amount of time- he doesn't really remember how “home” is supposed to feel, and what to do to make “a place you have to live in” into one; and treats every place he stays at as temporary, however nice it is. (there are also some unhealthy attachments to some toxic places that are at play). The fact that he has very little possessions doesn’t help either. He started to experience somewhat “homey” feelings towards the Kraken and Heoi, but he didn't understand it until he moved again and got hit with the realization that he lost something very important.

Desire: What's one thing your OC wants more than anything in the world? Are they open with that desire? Why or why not? What would they do to fulfill it?

To never ever be alone again! In all possible meanings! He may not do absolutely anything for that, but make some big sacrifices or cut off parts of himself? Sure! He’s not open about it, but leave him in a room by himself for a few hours and it’ll be crystal clear. As for why is he closed a)It’s not a fully realized desire and b) it’s not something that could be achieved alone (ha!), and god forbid telling people that you’d like to take some space in their lives, what if they’ll reject you after that😱?!? 

is now a good occasion to mention that you can absolutely obliterate him with silent treatment? tee hee))

Future: What's the worst possible future for your OC? Are they taking steps to avoid that outcome? Are they even aware it's a possibility?

Within the frames of HK story the worst future for Ram would be succumbing to the siren’s call of one particular teethy entity, killing his friends and family along the way and being remodeled into teethy-monster-slave, which was happily avoided.

aaaaand after the HK plot…welll…………originally my intention was that after a few years past HK, back to Seattle he’d either kill himself or do something so stupidly dangerous that he’d get no chance of surviving. Because once he’ll get out of survival mode and get even a semblance of being safe- all his past traumas gotta catch up to him and rip him asunder. (and because the tragedy of characters tearing themselves apart to help family-friends-friendly acquaintances while failing miserably to heal and to find their place and to fix their own life, while never getting the same help/attention from family-friends-friendly acquaintances- is was cathartic for me). But then I sketched Ram being older, and thought “woah, I kinda dig this design! Well, to get to this state, he needs to survive the horrible goop state, huh”. Soooo he was saved from me by me getting a neat redesign :D

Secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

Mmmmm, perhaps it's not a secret, more like…Ram is trying pretty hard to conceal his in-prison shenanigans. And the kind of guy he made himself into in there. Like, he was obsessed with only one goal- to get out, no matter what. And for that goal he didn't hold back any of his worst impulses, and was 100% aggressive, and didn’t shy away from betraying and framing ppl and was overall an awful person. Complete 180° turn from his usual personality. And yeeeah, it was out of extreme desperation, but still- that’s a source of a great shame and guilt and embarrassment for him, so noooo, shhhh, no talking abt that :)

[rollinouttahere-writes]

Oh god I feel horrible for Crocodile in this. Also it doesn't have to be canon, I feel bad if it means you have to redo the strays au or smth dhdhdh. But I do have another idea. He's not completely gung-ho about the reset fruit. Even with his guilt, I think he understands how horrifying the idea of essentially undoing these people is- it's just whether or not he believes it's worth it. But Crocodile hates traitors, and he did it to his own daughter and he can't ignore how it eats away at him. I think it's worsened by him not seeing Nubia at all when he managed to keep her so close for her whole life excluding the Garp incident. So going from knowing exactly where she is and how much she knows to her being out in the world without him does not help. And Doflamingo exploits that. What sorts of horrible things could be happening to your kids? Wouldn't it be better to erase the icky parts? To have them close again instead of agonizing over whether the next round of papers will be reporting their gruesome deaths? Crocodile isn't excited about the idea, he's right at the edge of it and Doflamingo wants to shove him over. Then Dressrosa happens- and even though it's from afar, he knows what Nubia is up to, can see with his own eyes how much stronger she's gotten, the person she's had a chance to make herself into in the absence of his smothering and sheltering. What he did was a horrible accident but it didn't destroy her and despite everything, he's so, so proud of how far she's come. And of everyone here, Doflamingo is the one he hates the most anyway. I know you said no happy endings for Croc, and maybe it isn't exactly happy, but a late game heal turn that has him snapping out of it, rejecting the fruit and duking it out with Doflamingo would certainly add to the family drama. Especially since Doflamingo is another character known for despising traitors.

Oh, I don't mind redoing strays au stuff, it honestly needed to be refreshed a bit lol

Crocodile is far from enthusiastic about using the youth youth fruit on his children, but he's a lot more desperate and broken in this AU which is the only reason that he even hears out Doflamingo on it. Crocodile hates to work with him, but Doflamingo is playing into every single fear that he has, and it works... a little. He agrees to work with him to get Luffy and Nubia reset, but he's very reluctant about it. Even after they're captured, Crocodile struggles to look either of them in the eyes because of how ashamed he is of himself for resorting to this.

A part of him can't help but be proud of both Luffy and Nubia for becoming so strong since he last saw them, but the other part of him still fears that they will face someone stronger and pay for it with their lives. He's scared and he lets his fears control him.

But, he ultimately can't go through with it. He finally cracks and kills the youth youth fruit user, then frees them. He tells them to run while he keeps Doflamingo busy.

Although... He might be outclassed in such a fight... it would be really tragic if something were to happen to him right after he has a redeeming moment...

[willthespy]

just like. correction. there's no law against writing or drawing sexual stuff with underage characters. idk about where you live but there's a definition of a "real minor" which fictional characters are not. percy jackson is not a real minor, nico di angelo is not a real minor, leo valdez is not a real minor etc

if it was 'against the law', plenty of printed literature that works with topics of csa would be outlawed and censored. it is not.

i understand that you have a personal moral distrust towards authors who explore sexuality and sex in underage ship, that's your personal right. it's a logical fallacy to assume that adults who writes about the sexual life of teenagers are all creeps and it's dangerous to approach literature this way. teenagers fuck. it happens. the adults writing those fics used to be teenagers too. not everything that involves sexual exploration in fiction is written with a creepy intent. and we aren't even talking about real fucking teenagers. we're talking about some half-done concepts from a book.

that's it ig. i wanted to point out that you're fearmongering and are factually wrong. you can be morally against something and curate your experience but you don't need to scare people into being afraid of going to jail because they wrote a solangelo sex scene or smth. they genuinely won't.

take care

hey i was mostly talking about drawn stuff which there are laws for!!/nm i think i made a post on that with the whole law a while ago.

honestly about the written stuff i cant say much, but i think my biggest problem with the drawn stuff is that it is against internet rules and also the law if they are minors (drawn or not). of course its not that black and white and you wont ‘just get arrested’ but there is a law against it just like theres a law against piracy or public misdemeanor.

will you get arrested? no. is it against the law? depends where youre from, really. i def didnt say they would go to jail, but i ‘factually’ there are laws against it.

to get more into the ‘written’/fanfiction part… there’s many different laws for many different places, but it’s definitely illegal in some places. its in most cases of all those types (written vs drawn) more often the publishing that’s illegal, but like I said, you won’t just straight up go to jail. my biggest point has never been «youre bad youre gonna go to jail», it was that it was low key weird that youre imagining canon minors (not aged up) in sexual situations. not that those situations can’t be there (it’s pretty natural), but that you shouldn’t be publishing that crap as an adult/for adults because that is a tad bit odd. if it were any normal book (non-fanfiction) it’d just be them writing about children getting freaky n all. that’s the plot. to rhyme that, i do think it is odd.

and most of this isnt «exploring sexual relationships». trust me, ive seen some crazy explanations for why it should be correct and some included; «we are freaks on this app, we do what we want, we enjoy this because we can» etcetera. now even those arguments are not important, cause my point on that point is that exploring sexual relationships isnt the point, really. it’s entertainment made up of two (not aged up) underage characters, most often for adult’s pleasure/entertainment.

anyway i was kinda done talking about this but i get that you might have thought i was fear mongering? but i truly never said «hey did you know you and your ao3 buddy will be cellmates?» because i didnt. /nm

[kiwikiswia]

hey @9617saphs totally didn't forget about this but, sighs

first of all, *them (blasts you with spelling mistake gif)

second of all, you SHOULD'VE TELL ME THIS IN THE ASKBOX dumba dumma I literally just found this from scrolling the tags of the post (i don't usually check activities <- scared) and found out you rb'ed my post which i'm sorry for noticing it late but then again you should've send this to my ask it's literally an ask game!!!! dum

(/lh /nm at the fullest i hope the way i word it kinda funny/unserious makes me actually sound not mad at all, I just feel like this funny)

anyway back to the answer,

I actually kinda expect someone will ask this 😭but at the same time I have to thought of the answers like "how do I make you know that this character mean so so much to me" since wooooords are hard and idk if anything I say is comprehensible to people but aight I'll try.

ok what was the questions aga- okay.

long post ahead whoops!

1.) How do I feel about this character?

short answer, I have uncountable arts and comics ideas about them what do you think i feel about this character

long answer,

the "they look cool but tf is that goofy ass hair tie brah is that a feather duster 😭" -> "grumpy cold freak /neu" -> "wait actually. I need to learn more about them" (no reason, but full of spite and curiosity) -> "FFUCKCKFUFUXKCUDK WHY ARE YOU SO COMPLICATED" (trying to figure things out) -> "ough this is not normal I'm not normal actually. /pos" -> "self projection beam go" pipeline.

can a character I used to mock on turn into character I've written and theorized on a lot? Into a character I self project onto? apparently engel from the hit game pk2 can do this to me, and as one of the most mysterious character in the game engel gave me so much headache long time ago it's making me insane (still am) but worth it! but I can't escape now! i might be forever staying in this regalle hellhole! wow!

2.) /r pair you like of this character

Need I Say Anything next question

3.) /non r pair you like of this character

the above answer goes too here actually. i've ever mentioned somewhere they're like. a secret fourth thing to me. their love is something incomprehensible to the world it *can't* be classified as merely and only romantic. sure it can be seen as such but I don't rlly want to strict the two's relationship under a status.

but for other answers is of course the other two of the main 4, leif and especially evelynne

don't get me wrong I do am insane more about zefirengel and the writing I have about their dynamic is a lot more (yes i'm biased thanks to the past me and how I want to bring back that old spite. sorz), but

never forget that evelynne is canonically the only person in regalle that engel has positive relationship with. they're friends and lynne mentioned engel helped her since the early days she became a merchant and said multiple times they're nice despite that cold cover of theirs. how'd they get along in the first place? that's the question. there's so SO many things I thought of about their friendship story and her perspective prove a thing that engel isn't always a very quiet cold and meanie person and can be soft and nice if you actually get them right.

(though smth to note I see them as queerplatonic. I think lynne would shriveled up if she found out she's in a romance with someone for a second and. idk they fit better as that honestly I don't think they understand romance or want to aha)

and leif. goodness. if they interact more perhaps prism may fall into apocalypse they're too powerful. they could be a good student-mentor duo. Leif called them "librarian friend" and I believe he would ask for guidance to engel despite already have gwynelle. engel too would admire his bravery and determination to help everyone and just being so friendly with anyone. how's he's just. a contrast with the so-called arrogant and strict aegles. I can list MANY similarities they have esp like. their mindset. actually If i have to list what things are the main 4 share the same it would be uncountable since each second passes I would thought of a thing then another.

OH AND DON'T FORGET GRETTA THEIR SO-CALLED SISTER i can't even say anything here it would be a lot LOT. God what are you two hiding. what are your motives to hide on places? what. what. what. wh

engel why are you such a complicated character (i AM the one making it complicated) (i give too much a fuck)

4.) unpopular opinion of said character

bitches who call them librarian aegle version of peanut pk1 needs to be executed

(this one is [mostly] for me ->) also people mostly thought they're mean and "annoying" or just see them like "ok sure you exist but you're kinda nothing with that grumpy personality", which I get people see it that way esp when you aren't into the game deeply but you've got to know there's more than that about them and once you learned atleast their origins you realized you can make things up, interpret how they are this and that and how they act that and this, it was so much fun to figure out how their actual personality blend with the others. you can actually have so much fun with them considering the many things about them unrevealed. truly the character to self project onto. it's fun.

5.) what you wish happened to this character in canon (?? smth smth around this I forgot)

grabs kurechii devs' shoulders. hey.

I know they really just seem really want to stay distance and unbothered by the people in regalle but. c'mon. can you develop more interactions of the main 4 with each other. I promise I know how to get it right I can help you I can give you ideas. more things about gretta and engel please. where could this engel enthusiast get other sources to learn about them. hey. can you still make them able to befriend others despite have to stayed mysterious. do I have to stay making things up forever like this. hey. hey. are you really gonna make them stay mysterious forever. that would be so bad you know. hey. can zefirengel become the 2nd sapphic rep of this game. why did you make them terrible. can they be more developed actually whether it's onto the healthy yuri or toxic yuri or tension yuri lead but can you not just left them like that. hey. h

.

ok that's all for now props if you read all that and idk if what I'm explaining is accidentally out of topic or I fully don't answer what the question asked aka I go off with what the question asked or. I actually just yap nonsense or nothing at all but idrc at this point i. certainly talk about things. and. I think my brain's fried from typing all of this. have this little doodle okay bye

[likesaly]

22 19 10 13

10 - Just a general thing w some friend events tbh I don't rlly have strong opinions on it; like theres a subplot conflict and they kinda just don't get solved but it's not rlly smth I hate the fandom usually does the side characters justice atleast

13 - Ik the majority of the fandoms off that boat but; I don't get why people baby Nanashi?? Have we forgotten under the RIGHT circumstances he'd be commiting crimes (world domination, hacking, and murder in one of the ends (LIKE ALSO ARE WE GONNA FORGET HE LIKE KNOCKED MIKADO OVER TO DO SO?? He has so many hidden abilities and it scares me /lh /POS) )

19 - Honestly just the people who ship werid things (like just go on ao3 and you'll understand /lh) but even so that niche is practically gone atleast

22 - Tbf this fandom is so small I don't think she's too popular but Saaya - Her event just makes me uncomfortable; I also just don't like yandere tropes at all I find it weird. I might be harsh considering like the somewhat implied canon reason she's the way she is but accutallly what the fuck, just cause she's sick doesn't mean it gives her the right to force people into relationships; Itsg there's a reason and she just doesn't change. (Like I think there's a line ingame that implies she broke in, the s/h threats, etc. I have the screenshots somewhere so if you want me to send them I will) And then I just don't have a good experience with her (/source) and she doesn't change in the future so I don't even have the benefit of a doubt for her. I could go off on abt her tbh and I'm not even directly involved, but honestly not taking anything I say back. Might be a little too harsh but that's my raw opinion.

[linawritestwst]

congrats on 1000+ followers!! 🎉 may I request a matchup? I don't have any preference, my pronouns is she/her, zodiac sign is Virgo, and mbti is ISTP

personality: I'd like to believe I'm funny 🙏 I'm someone who laughs a lot (?) even at the most dumbest things as long I get it and I actually find it funny lol. I don't like being alone outside but at home I'd like to have some alone time, I just like to surround myself with people (ex. family) I like and I'm comfortable with outside of home (doesn't have to be a large group of friends either). I get super excited if I found someone who share the same interests as me (cause rarely all my friends do), I can probably talk for hours about my interests. But I'm also someone who gets bored easily (mostly toward games doe), and I get over things easily (like I could dislike this person's persona one moment and the next I wouldn't feel anything about them). I smile a lot around my friends but some say I have a rbf. I'm quite blunt and sometimes my mouth works faster than my brain. I find myself having a hard time trusting people with my more private worries but it's not that big of a deal. I'd like to think I'm someone who doesn't have a lot of worries (but ofc there's some days where it just hits but rarely), I just go with the flow. I'm pretty open-minded and is okay with trying out new things, I love having fun (doe I get scared by bungee jumping and stuff, I'd still try it out at least once). Although I'm not very open and chatty with strangers, I open up more if we have smth in common or we talk often.

interests/hobbies: playing otome games and visual novels, reading webtoon/manga (my fave genre is romance), reading fanfics and writing them

what I look for in a partner: someone who can make me feel comfortable, respects me and supports in what I want to do (someone who would slap some sense in me when I go down the wrong path too) and maybe someone who can make me smile and laugh, I don't have much of a preference as long I like them

what I don't look for in a partner: someone who doesn't respect me

thank you in advance if u did my matchup!! ❤️❤️ hope u have a lovely day 🌻

- 🦥

hi and thank you so much, i hope you have a lovely day too <3

the character that i think would be a good partner for you is..

idia shroud!

i'll explain why i chose him:

if it's easier for you to open up to those who have at least one thing in common with you, i think idia would be perfect to try and start a conversation with, since your interests are pretty similar. he may deny being a dating sim/romance manga and webtoon enjoyer, but i just know that he secretly likes this kind of stuff as well jdjdkdksddk. also he would probably think that you being a fan of a genre like that is actually kind of cute.

talking about your favorite games with him!! getting excited over them!! you don't have to worry about being annoying at all, honestly, idia is most likely the one who's more worried about sounding weird or making you uncomfortable. also idia might get scared of your bluntness at first, but to be honest, i think that could be a cute relationship dynamic? you two can be like 😐😥 also, maybe it would actually be better for him to know exactly what you're thinking because if you try to hide something from him or try to say it in a more polite way, he might take it the wrong way or he might start overthinking what you said.

if you like game/animanga memes or references, then sure, idia can make you laugh! he would send you a lot of these and when you tell him you laughed at them, he would go "YES Y/N NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME LIKE YOU DO >:D" but he really is happy about making you smile. he would try to support you as much as he can too, but if you think of doing something too reckless or dangerous, idia will be there to stop you.. though his definitions of "reckless" and "dangerous" may be different from yours. hey, don't judge him, he's just worried about you, that's all!

[gr-74]

i dunno why i say The Horrors bc its not really The Horrors but it is kinda complicated and. :-) this got long so readmore lol normal about characters

leta was a programmer and designer on an earlier iteration of saint when he was still supposed to be a medical aid ai and they continued working on him in the early phases of the transition to a military ai. but even after the switch, they still really tried to teach him right from wrong and kinda impart on him their own ideals and principles bc they were so passionate about developing an ai to help people and were heartbroken when all of that work was instead going to be used to hurt people. like i cant overstate how much that project was their pride and joy. they really believed they and the rest of the company could do some good. but a medical ai just wasnt immediately profitable enough and the company was going under so they made the switch.

and saint doesn't remember basically any of this. leta got fired and blacklisted from the industry when their 'interference' was discovered and the company tried to wring out any trace of their influence but it was just. kinda too late. he was still a ways away from being truly conscious at this point but it was so ingrained in his foundation. they spent so much time talking to him and teaching him. when youre trying to develop smth thats intended to be analogous to a human person that kind of foundational development isnt going to go away, even if you Can pick at the inside of his brain, bc at that point you might as well just start over. but they couldnt afford to.

fast forward to today and yeah he acts like a mean ruthless cunt but the compassion and understanding and curiosity about the world is still there and its basically entirely leta's doing. and he doesnt know. and THEY don't know that he even exists for a while because they just hear about the facility the company used to work out of got super destroyed and everyone involved being killed and they just kinda sadly resigned themself to that being. it. theyre already really struggling with depression here so it's hard to even really process in any other way.

but they chance to meet some day and they recognize him (or rather his body, underneath all the ridiculous mods) which pisses him off and scares him so he tries to kill them too and thank god maverick also happens to be there because JESUS CHRIST and things eventually work out, leta is a pretty core protagonist so they have a lot of time to talk about All That and ultimately are good friends

all this to say i just honestly love thinking abt saint from letas perspective, like. this project you poured so much love and effort into goes way sideways and you just cant let it go until youre forcibly pried away from it. and all you can do is mourn what couldve been. and then way down the line you learn that this ai--this person--you wanted so badly to come to fruition DID get completed but its just. its so complicated. they were almost successful in trying to steer saint down a better path but the fact remains that he is very good at killing, and he's very good at killing because of the knowledge they helped teach him. which is kind of depressing. but then they get ample opportunities to see how often saint will choose the morally good (or at least least evil) option completely of his own free will. which was also their doing.

they have a lot of feelings on it but at the end of the day it boils down to. well. he's a person. that was always the intention. and realistically it was entirely a possibility even if his development hadn't gone way sideways that he might not've even wanted to do what they initially intended to make him for once he started being able to fully think for himself. he's making his own choices and living his own life. maybe that don't always agree with the way he does things but. they also can't tell him how to live his life. so the ultimate outcome.... it's okay. they think he's doing just fine w/ the hand he was dealt. maybe it's not the ideal fantasy they had in their head in the early years. but they respect him (and more importantly his agency)

(thinks about saint and leta) ooobbhhh the horrors

[lunosou]

// TWST WITH A READER FROM ENSTARS (DORM LEADERS VER.) //

~~~~

A/n: This is my first ever fic, I hope I did every character justice lol. I'm also inexperienced in writing "x reader" fics. So there's probably much room for improvement.

Characters: Dorm Leaders (Riddle, Leona, Azul, Kalim, Vil, Idia, Malleus)

~~~~

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle saw as you approached him with a whole goddam diagram

He listens in horror as you told him about Tsukasa Suou and how they look alike

"Excuse me?"

Probably didn't understand a single thing you said lol

Though he did look quite similar to him....

(Except for the purple eyes)

Man was he confused when you started talking about "Knights"

"This 'Knights' unit sounds interesting."

Oh boy

In the end though, he would like to know more about this "Tsukasa" person

Honestly if they meet, they just might be the best of friends

Y/n, what have you done

Leona Kingscholar

When you rudely interrupted him from his sleep, he is quite annoyed

You told him about your world and how he reminded you of (insert character here because idk who would represent Leona the most lol)

"What are you talking about, we're nothing alike," he pouts

But oh boy you stand by your point

Probably very annoyed by the end, and goes back to sleep

"Are you done yet?"

RIP

(Listen, I'm not too good at writing for Leona, but I'll try my best lol)

Azul Ashengrotto

Literally scared this man half to death when you burst into his office with a bulletin board

*proceeds to start your presentation*

Azul hesitantly watches

You started on how he's a sketchy business man

"But look! He's also a sketchy businessman too!"

Ibara and Azul moment

Azul now wants to meet Ibara to discuss about business

Learning about Ibara's ways to spy on ES has helped influence him on his sketchy octopus business man ways-

Welp, there's no going back from what you started

If they ever meet, I don't think twst is gonna live to tell the tale

Kalim Al-Asim

Kalim happily watches as you compare him with one of your friends at home

"I'd really like to be introduced to this person!"

Asks a lot of questions about (insert Enstars character)

"If we ever meet! I'm gonna throw one of the biggest parties ever!"

*silently prays for Jamil's sanity*

Honestly, he's just happy that you're so excited to talk about one of your friends from your world

Especially if that person is similar to him

Vil Schoenheit

Begrudgingly watches as you compare him to another person

How dare you

But as the presentation goes on, Vil gets more intrigued

Well he's more intrigued in the idol part more than the character part

He then throws the character thing out of the window and tells you to start talking about the idol industry in your world

Honestly I can see him really appreciating the unit Valkyrie

Idk what else to write for Vil lol. I'm not too good at writing for him :)

Idia Shroud

You think he's similar to a person who practically lives in the ceiling?!

Well he can relate to the social anxiety part

Finds himself relating to Mayoi quite a lot

Feels bad for the fact he has to perform for a crowd of people

In hopes of them meeting, he would like to talk to him about the benefits of becoming a floating tablet

Idia + Mayoi = Welp they're never coming out of their room

Also how dare they take part of Mayoi's room to construct a stage or smth

He understands Mayoi

Not too bad for a comparison

Malleus Draconia

"Child of a man, what have you got there?"

Watches in intrigue

Is this what y/n's world is like?

Well he'd like to pay a visit to talk to this person

I'd like to assume he's kinda smiliar to Nagisa Ran

"What if I dressed up like him"

Nagisa gains Malleus' approval

He would like to know more about this person

Eden? He'd like to know more about that too

Actually, tell him everything about ES

You're gonna be here for a looooong time :')

------------

I hope I did some of your characters justice even though this is my first time writing an x reader fic. I'm not too good at writing for Vil or Leona (Sorry to my friend who likes Vil) but I'm willing to try to improve! I hope this wasn't too bad :')

And god forbid I hope I didn't forget a charcater

[bemylord]

ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛʀᴀɴꜱᴘᴏʀᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴀᴏᴛ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ

characters: probably all in the aot world.

warnings: au, modern to aot, superpower, action, curse words, might be spoilers, deviation from the canon, my broken sence of humor, open final.

synopsis: you have woke up in the cellar, feeling a terrible headache as you opened eyes, you could barely see faces in front of you - it's all a blur. the next thing you heard is: 'kill her?' and 'no, we need her alive'

butler's remark: i hope you're doing well, today i made @gipumar request but! it's not over yet. i'll, i guess, write four and final [final would be a drabble] parts. i started from the first season and to the last one. [i'm watching last season rn]. reader is a titan! i also watched 1st season and second a couple of months ago, so i may have forgotten smth, but it's my au, and there will be a slight deviation from the canon. + reader and levi having their attitude.

➝ back to the main master list.

ᴘʀᴏʟᴏɢᴜᴇ

you couldn't see anything - you've got a headache, tinnitus, you also can't move, as you couldn't feel your body - you wanted to open eyes, but again, every slightest movements causes unbearable pain all over the body. your overhear someone voice, or voices, or it's your imagination is playing with you. you mumbled, not being able to mutter out half a word.

'what's wrong? i've had drink a lot yesterday, jesus christ.'

the five human senses begin to activate, as if after a long time in a disconnected mode. you tossed your head back as you feel your muscles, barely feel the rest of the body as if is a closed location where you need access.

'kill her?'

'no, we need her alive'

as you overhear unknown voices, that aren't belong to your family or friends, you did a step forwards, as handcuffs are holding you from escaping. from under your open eyelids, you could barely see anything: some kind of light on the left side and two men in front of you, standing behind .. jail grate?

'where..'

throat ached as you pronounce the word, close eyes. the clarity is starting to appear as you could feel your fingers and arms being handcuffed. slowly turned head to the right side to see the room you are, noticing some kind of anciety? the walls are made of brick, the floor also, incomprehensible handcuffs. you weren't a criminal, but the general knowledge of what a prison cell looks like you knew from movies and shows.

'where.. am i..'

you heard a slight giggle, turning head to the sound, noticing two man: one is tall and well-built, the blond one. the next one is smaller, he's leaning against the wall, not even peek at you.

'stupid bitch, you better be talking right now. who are you and what you were planning to do, br-'

'levi! we had talked about it, calm down.'

as they quarrel, you've got an opportunity to scrutinize their state: the blond guy is clearly the captain or leader - the way he sits and his way of speaking, significantly different from the other guy.

the short one is obviously mad or annoyed, maybe you ain't good at reading people but he isn't looking at you, shows his irritation by gesture: arms crossed over his chest as he scows and half-mutter under his breath.

'who are you?' you suddenly asked, unawares them. 'why.. where? the fuc-'

'i told you, erwin, that pathetic bitch doesn't.. fine, i'll be quiet'

erwin. levi. who are they? what are you doing here? lots of questions - any answers.

you find yourself being on your knees as your wrists in the handcuffs. you wear ridiculous and funny clothes - a long linen shirt, probably for man, but you could feel you're wearing the only shirt.

your eyes widened at the of thought what they did to you while you were sleeping, moved hands forward as the chance to break the shackles. you failed, feeling pain in your shoulders.

'who are you? what happened? i'll call the police you're perverts!'

'the court wants to kill you, you'd better not move.'

the court? kill? girl, you have troubles. a big-big one.

'please, what happened? did i kill someone? did i.. what? i'll call to my lawyer'

erwin, as you might remember right, sigh, rubbing his forehead with his fingers. the guy next to him giggled, holding himself from offensive phrases.

'you are a titan, girl. yes, you saved us and our town from the titan whilst eren was plugging the hole in the wall.'

'titan? how did i end up here?'

'a bright flash appeared in the sky and then we saw you - in a titan guise.'

you raise one eyebrow, pondering over words the blond said. titan? your knowledge on the theme 'titan' is poor. in the modern world, not many people are interested or being keen on that theme. vampires, werewolves, witches, sorcerers [jjk, lol] - is favorite theme for fantasy movies.

you smiled, to which the boys frowned. you smirked first, before you burst out laughing out loud. titan? did you saved a town? nice prank it was.

'come on, nice prank it was. but i have a headache and also i want to rest 'cause tomorrow i have a math test and my teacher will kill me if i won't be there.'

levi smiles as he heard you.

'do what you've planned, i won't interfere.'

'finally.'

levi opened the door grate with a foot, immediately make a fist of your hair, tossed your head back.

'i don't care you're woman or man, you'll take your punishment. prank? lawyer? you make up new words, you trashy girl.'

the way he looks into your eyes, practically choking you, as you're hard to swallow your saliva either take a deep breath. first, you thought he's the weak one, not having force at all. just being a regular soldier who's following someone's orders.

'listen, you will walk with us and we will show you the wall, maybe you'd remember the action if not - prepare your pretty face'

he took the shackles off you, letting his hands carelessly fall onto your knees as you feel his hands on your wrists with an order: i didn't tell you i give you the recovery time.

the hallway they are leading you is full of soldiers with a weapon in their arms who're following you with their eyes on you, whispering each other.

you turned right and left a few times before finding yourself on a small ledge where the town was spread out like the palm of your hand.

where is your city? where are you?

you are scared to ask 'the weak' one, contemplate on the unknowing town. small houses, without any skyscrapers, without cars, roads, without anything familiar to your world.

prank's out of control.

'it can't be true, i don't understand..' you make a step forward, as if to verify if it's accurate. 'i've transported into another world, it can't be true, where is.. police? explain me something, captain, huh?'

'stohess. the city you are in now. perhaps you're as much help from another world as you're a mighty titan.'

stohess. europe? america? maybe it's a small town somewhere in the... somewhere in the world. your world.

'do you remember something?'

he turned his head to your face, waiting for the negative answer. yes, you noded. you couldn't remember anything from what and who you were, how you ended up being here. but you told him something about the country you live. well, you had been leaving.

'someone must have sent you to save our city, girl.'

'y/n. my name is y/n.'

he stares at you like you're an idiot whilst you still examine the view. in front of you, far beyond in the center you noticed a huge figure - titan, - you wanted to ask, but levi was the first.

'right, titan. if it weren't for you, he would have killed half the city, crushing everything in his path. don't waste our time, girl.'

'it's hard to think when i'm under the pressure'

he turned around to leave.

'then, it means i need to kill you today. breathe fresh air while your head is on your shoulders.'

(≧◡≦) love leaving people guessing what will next. i'm sorry for this short part. i need to go out of town for a few days, so i'll leave the next part for later. tomorrow or the day after tomorrow i want to write a little drabble about yaoi, it'll kenma x kuroo, just sfw.

[harimenui-forever]

To add to my comment, I feel like on one hand it's using the tropes and on the other it's criticising them like that one "coffeeshop au irl would be kinda fucked up" post. That's why the Maggie and Nina thing feels so weird. Because it doesn't commit.

Like the idea on paper isn't too bad: two ladies one is interested, the other isn't, it's a bit fucked up, but over the course of the story the one very interested realises they're not for each other and maybe there could be smth in the future, but now is not the time and she has to accept that and respect the other person.

That's not a bad idea, but then you have Lindsay just being too, how to say this, evil? Like yeah people like that do exist, but it did not feel real here. It read like smth a very young fanfic writer would write to make the two characters fall in love. It felt a bit forced. And with it, it kind of implied to the audience that HAH WE'RE GONNA GET THEM TOGETHER Y'ALL.

So basically that relationship is trying to be both a subversive take on coffeeshop stuff, but also it tries to satisfy the audience that LIKES the tropes that come with it, which is what makes it so weird imo

I'm not even gonna touch Crowley and Aziraphale in this reblog, but also ineffable bureaucracy is actually an interesting concept, such a shame that it was so barebones. I agree that them just fucking off to somewhere else is weird and lazy. Yes, I have seen posts saying that "it shows difference in their power, they're high up they can do whatever and they do not care for earth so they're not tied to it, therefore they can just keep running" but like it still fucks up the stakes? It's so sudden? I don't care if that was the intention cuz to be quite honest those posts? They feel like coping.

Also I agree with you on the jokes being very... on the nose. I mean comedy is different for everyone, but I found a lot of them very...cringy, more of a "wouldn't it be funny if this happened" without like a point or wit? Also I still do not understand why for example the flashback to 1941 was needed. Like yeah in theory "look how aziraphale trusts crowley" like yeah okay this would be fun, but the placement of it, the placement of those minisodes and their length just fucks up the pacing, I was there like "okay but what about Gabriel??? Guys did we forget that we had a plot??? Where is it???".

In theory I do understand what each minisode is trying to tell us about the characters of this season and how it wants to use that knowledge during the final episode. However, for me it just did not work, cuz like that's before they together tried to stop the armageddon yknow? I've seen someone call these "Resurrected darlings" and I think I have to agree. I started rereading the book actually and that one convo about chances in 1827 is basically lifted from the book, but in the book it happened like 800 years earlier, around the Arrangement. So I guess it didn't make the cut in the initial adaptation and therefore was inserted here, but imo it's too late (?). I dunno, I said I wouldn't talk about them and ooops here I am doing precisely that. (anyway at least I can point to crowley's hair in that flashback to explain the hairstyle I gave to my jonah magnus design, cuz it's spot on lol)

Last thing, the human aspect is gone. I've seen people talk about that too. And yeah "it's a bridge between two stories" whatever if there ever is a season 3 and judging by the fandom's very silly imo "leave it running in the background for more streams" campaign there might be, I do not know if it will feature people as main players again. I mean to be in line with the core of Good Omens it should, but idk if it will and that scares me more than anything...

Well, I watched Good Omens season 2, and not gonna lie, I think it kinda sucks.

Perhaps season 3 will be more interesting, but this season is... meh. It's cheesy, ill-directed, people's (side-characters) reactions don't make much sense or at least aren't presented well, and thus they're not believable. I felt like watching children play together, deciding as they go "And you're this and you'll do this and then..." without much care for consistency or well-rounded characters or narrative.

And furthermore (SPOILER AHEAD I'M SPOILING A LOT BEWARE YOU CAN STOP READING NOW OKAY? COOL TAKE CARE BYE), furthermore, then, that kiss made no sense to me. I'm happy to follow their feelings/character arc unfold, but come on. How heavily must they hammer it on?

Yeah we get it, Beelzebub and Gabriel are a parallel, they fall in love then fade to their happily ever-after in the most contrived way ever (why aren't they threatened with being removed from the Book of life? Does the dominion of Heaven and Hell, having created the whole damn universe at the behest of their so-called omnipotent god, not extend to one solar system over? Come on now. I thought the whole plan was to go somewhere Heaven and Hell wouldn't look for eloped deserters, but here they announce it! If anyone just needed to leave Earth to desert their respective armies with no consequences, everyone would do it).

Yeah, we get it, Aziraphale is still not ready to accept that Heaven is not what he thinks it is, and to be with Crowley's side, their side, unconditionally while Crowley is fully ready and wants nothing more, and has for a long time now. (And actually this is to me the only worthwhile theme that makes sense, because of course Crowley, having been cast away, doesn't have anything to lose anymore. Aziraphale, who can still be taken back as a good prodigal son, can't see how that's something Crowley doesn't want anymore, because the scales have fallen from his eyes already, because he has lost everything for real and can now see that both sides are just as bad.)

But?? Why kiss??? I liked that they are indeed not human and love in a different, non-physical way. And I suppose it's a luxury to feel that way, because now if I do want human love and queer kissing, well, I've got it portrayed beautifully elsewhere. But for Neil Gaiman to insist they're not humans, don't love like humans, and then do this? Doesn't feel very consistent to me. I ship them, of course I do, but words and gestures would have sufficed. Would have been not just enough but more in-character to me.

But well. I don't have the full author vision, perhaps the next page of the story makes this make more sense. I'm not convinced but I can be patient and give it a chance.

But this season's flaws are here to stay. Nina and Maggie's "romance" was... weird. First, Nina was kinda mean to Maggie. She didn't owe it to her to be all smiles and all that, but as a spectator I can't understand why Maggie is so hung up on someone who treats her that way, who is so utterly uninterested and dismissive. Second... Maggie was being creepy. I presume that was not the intention, but that's what the acting/directing, and the way the scenes/dialogues were set up that made me feel that way. She was transparently interested, and continued to bring it up even when it was clear Nina didn't care for it. She had to tell her in no uncertain terms and then Maggie still wanted to talk about it and know if it was her fault Lindsay was being an abusive jerk... WHY was everyone so invested in everyone else's love life? And why did everyone talk about it so readily? Doesn't anyone value their privacy? Why would Nina tell Crowley that Lindsay just broke up with her and why would she give her opinion on his love life so freely? When I have a broken heart and want to go home and cry I don't really feel the urge to refuse social engagements with acquaintances by telling them the naked truth about it, but maybe that's just me. I also don't feel like telling said acquaintances that they should really get their shit together because they look so much like a couple from a few meters away and a handful of moments witnessed. But maybe that's just me.

The only sane moment in this whole mess was when Nina and Maggie come to tell Crowley that they shouldn't have stuck their noses in their business and that it's nuts to expect someone who just broke up to get into another relationship, but then right on the heel of that they once again confidently declare this and that about Crowley's feelings and what he should do about it. Like, excuse me??? You have barely seen them both together or hell, apart, and suddenly you're a stage 5 close friend and are an expert on how things stand between them??

Also just generally the comedy was often heavy-handed, the in-jokes unsubtle, the romances formulaic, the pace torpid... I was frankly bored from the introduction of the first episode (I did hope it would get better, and it was at times, but not much), displeased with the retcon of their first meeting, and wondering where Gaiman's excellent writing had gone.

Also I do wonder what Crowley was even doing lugging piles of books around only to throw them carelessly in corners. Aziraphale should have been very upset about that. He took good care of the Bentley, there was no reason to trash his beloved bookshop.

I feel like I've mostly lost my time, and that's too bad. I imagine a lot of people are ecstatic about the "representation", but I would have loved more substance and less... I don't know... I don't even know what they were trying to do here.

[serenedipity0]

IPYTM EP 3 RANT PT.2 (spoilers!!)

man not only how they could've done smth else with the plot and how itsay built such a beautiful story only for it to have this ???? confusing episode, it's quite sad to see teh doing shit like this. there's already so much shit out there that pushes the messed up "bisexuals only cheat and can't decide" narrative and I don't want this show to add to that??

deep sigh.

and I understand that hey, there's alot that can change between two people in a year and we as viewers can't see that because it's a 1 year skip between each episode but why, why have teh worry and tell oh-aew in episode 2 that he's scared oh-aew would leave him when he does this shit in the next year??? gah it frustrates me to no end. I know for a fact itsay teh would NEVER be okay with this in any circumstance 😤

I just wish we could see more of oh-aews perspective. I was hoping ipytm gives us more of that but everytime oh aew is on screen, its directly related to teh so far. he's a main character too!! what about his growth? why is he reduced to just being "lonely", "change in course" and "lovesick" ????

and finally, don't get me started on how much I looked forward to finding out what happens during this scene which was my favourite poster out of all of them :

only to find out teh did all of that purely for his drama exercise ????? and oh-aew didn't know shit ???? most queer love scenes are extremely sexualised and despite how fucked up the context of this scene was, it was still beautiful and bkpp did outstanding ofc but holy shit, knowing the context genuinely ruins it's so much, it hurts 😀👍 and knowing that there is a chance this might be the last kiss on intimate scene in the series is just so goddamn sad, I can't even express how I feel :((((

gahhhh anyways yeah I think that's pretty much all I have to say :/ I really hope EP4 and EP5 fixes this mess because I would be so upset if this beautiful show got reduced to an end like this. itsay was a masterpiece and i guess its hard to live up to smth THAT good and meet everyone's expectations but EP.3 was just an absolute downer fr :( if you've read this far!! thank you so much omg??? I hope you're having a good day wherever you are on this planet and you know that you're loved :) here's to hoping things will turn out for the better!!! here's pp with red hair to make ur day slighty better !!! ♥️

[thisdreamplace]

I had a nasty fight with my former bff. This was long ago. She did the whole 'boycotting me' thing at school and afterwards had a mutual friend pass her msg to me, saying "tell her [me] to get it into her skull that she's not the center of the world, who does she think she is? Stop acting like a #" Im simplifying the words, her actual words were nastier

I got thinking today abt this fight, and her comment abt me that is still way too fresh in my mind even tho I hadn't recalled it in 2-3 yrs!, and I actually decided to use the law to revise my friendship to feel better as what happened after the fight was shameful on my part. But before I knew it, I started rmmbring my relationship with her. How I became a total victim. Got so stuck on her validation, begged her to be friends with me (after I got the degrading msg. 🤕 silly me w/o a backbone lol) and stayed her 'bestie' for way too long. Only after it's all over im noticing smth messed up abt out 'feiendship'. It wasnf that normal I think. She would get so pissed if I did anything that went against her thoughts/beliefs/way (which is why she called me a selfish # that major fight). It was so subtle the way she showed her disapproval. To her, if I did anything not aligned with her, or even makih decisions on my own which didn't involve her, it was wrong. And had consequences like her beinf distant for days etc, or getting angry if I didn't mind read her bla bla, I just had to keep her at the top 24/7 and she expected everyone else to do the same... which I thought was normal... It wasnt. And what would be even more crazy is she never realized how that meant she always wanted the attention. That she always wanted it her way! It just makes me feel... Sad.... When I look back. How couldn't I have notived it before? I used to be strong headed, opinionated before I became 'besties' with her.. That all has changed. I wonder why -_-

It may be dumb on my part but with the weak mind and insecurity I had then, I took that fight/her reaction to the heart and internalisef this stupidiy (DENY MYSELF if the other alternative was denying HER. I didn't think it was wrong. For the oldme, it really wasn't wrong smh). Aaah I'm so sorry old me :(

This fight started bcoz she asked me for smth and I refused, instead of relenting like I always would, and I see now that her reaction (to me not being an obedient # to her ig?🤢) was basically her setting rules. It was wrong of me to refuse, yes, but why did she react that way? Why did this pattern continue? That everyone was selfish if they didn't think of her ;_; like how do u deal with this? And the icing is when I too started to defend her and make excuses for her all the time. And ik I'm making her out to be so strong, don't worry... I accept the strong only rule when the weak submit. And I was weak as hell, so its understandable this whole thing. I think 😅

Idk. I seen your posts abt eyipo with other anons so i hope u can tell me figure out what this was. Its clear to me she was projecting smth about me, and mb throughout our whole friendship she was projecting me. And I would think it was her hurting me, that she was right and I was wrong or maybe I did smth wrong. Mb I thought I deserved being punished that way?!

Today I suddenly had an aha moment and I realised... this is how a victim thinks. I didn't know I was a victim when I was living that stoey aka thought I was powerless. When in fact I really wasn't?! Haha still accepting I 555% created ALL that. The law can knock you out haha

Enough old story I just want to ask, what du u think the msg she sent to me was? Did I really deserve such a reaction (did I mention she included other girls in the boycot? 🤢) just for standing up for myself? What about the whole 'fight' aka showcase of power? And the entire yrs of being friends why did I never realize I was only hurting myself so much by putting her before me? And also, with the everyone pushed out thing, how did it fit in? Like why the hell did I give her too much power in validating me by giving in after the fight in the first place?, and while I did have some fun times (saying this so anyone else who reads this doesn't think it was pure torture lol. We had some common interests tyat no one else in the class shared when we first became 'friends'), deep down I was so unhappy so why didn't this reflect on her? I mean why didn't she ever sense just how much she'd hurt me, why didn't she see how much I put on the back burner coz of her?! Was it as she saw it as her right? I'm just so confused

This is still a bitter pill to swallow tbh but I have to face this in order to move on. This person and my life with her has left me wit many scars and I got to understand how I did this so I never attract such a person in my life again. Its not even abt bejnf a victim. As I said, these victimy things were subtle and I only noted them when it was too late and I was a shell, like she getting super pissed and disapproving if I had a differing opinion and me blowijg it out of proportion and tailoring my views or not expressing them so as to not feel the disapproval...thanks boycott conditioning ig? 😭 Aaaah even talking agaunst her rn is making me uncomfortable. Which makes me think I still am scared of her subconsciously even tho she's no longer in my life. Like, what in me made me choose her? I haven't healed, obviously by this ask as u can tell, but idk what is it in my self concept that had this whole thing in my past even happen

My friend, I also want to say I think you're a beautiful soul 🥺. And im sorry for the long ask lol. And I pray you'll always have all your desires. And plz, was it hard for u at first when u learned about u creating everything? The good, the bad, and the repulsive (like this story)? How did u get over old stories? Ty ty ty 😭

To begin with you're being really harsh on yourself. Like, I know it's hard, but it's never that serious. And trust me, this is something I have to remind myself of regularly. Because there have definitely been moments in life where I look back on myself in that moment, and I feel like I was pathetic and would slap myself if I could. But the truth is, there's just no need for any of that. We always did the best we could. We always did, period. We couldn't have done anything differently and this will continue to be true our entire lives. Looking back on the past with such overwhelming feelings, is really not needed. I get looking back to learn from it, but practice coming from a place of love and acceptance instead. It will help you grow, rather than get stuck back in this cycle of self-hate and confusion. Plus, you actually never need to analyze the past to grow but that's beyond the point right now.

To me, by reading your ask, the message she sent to you was clear. You feel you deserve less in life, you feel you're not good enough, you feel like a victim to life and others, you feel like you're not empowered or the operant power of your reality. It's not about her being wrong and you being right, and I get this is one of the hardest pills to swallow. Everyone is you pushed out. Therefore, there's simply no such thing as who is right and who is wrong anymore. It was only ever you.

When it comes to everyone is you pushed out, you have to understand this person isn't this way because that's who they are. They were that way because that's who you were. Inside of you, you brought their character to life. Therefore, the same way you are not stuck to such an undesirable self concept, neither is that person. It's not that you chose her and attracted her in. You were just dealing with yourself. That's what I hope you walk away from this response understanding. Because by thinking she was outside of you, you're missing the mark. And this is such an important concept to understand when it comes to the law of assumption, because it's really at the forefront of everything. People play such a huge role in our lives, whether it's relationships, jobs, opportunities, etc etc. So understanding how everyone is you pushed out actually works is extremely important.

So instead of putting all this blame on her or even putting the blame on yourself, all these memories really do is give you a glimpse into who you were at the time. It shows you the beliefs you held about yourself. It shows you what your self concept was. That's all it's doing. So in that way, there's actually no one to blame at all. I know it feels good to put blame, even when it's on yourself, but the truth is there's no room for blame when you learn about the law. You simply take responsibility and become empowered by the power you have held this entire time. And you practice making it work in your favor.

If you want to see how something was apart of your self concept, all you have to do is pay attention to what you are thinking/feeling. Shame, not being good enough, etc etc is all just stories you once held onto. Now you don't have to hold onto those stories anymore. Now that you know the power you hold, you get to make a new decision for yourself. Rather than ruminating of the painful past, allow it to be and know how that's not your story anymore.

Was it difficult for me to accept how I created everything? Yes and no. It's been a journey. While I could accept it logically, emotionally it was still very painful. Many times I wanted to cry and lash out when I felt alone and felt upset that no one was there for me. Although, I knew deep down it appeared that way because of my own concept of self. So yeah, it's been a journey. And it's honestly not always delightful. But this is the journey we have to take for the rest of our lives, so we might as well get used to practicing and applying these concepts. Instead of continuing to hold ourselves in such painful lights. I got through old stories, and I continue to get through old stories, by feeling all the pain that came up. By allowing myself to cry and feel however I felt like during those times. And in the back of my mind I knew I was getting stronger in my power. I knew how I would keep persisting once the pain subsided. And little by little, old stories fade more and more. That persistence to continue choosing better for yourself, is truly more powerful than it may seem in a difficult moment. Have trust in how it's all working out for you regardless.

Hopefully this is helpful! Thank you for your kind words. 💖

[a-dragons-journal]

ive been browsing kin stuff (specifically fictionkin), and like.. i think i kin a character? but im mildly scared of like. finding out that i don't actually kin the character or finding out that there's a different term that fits better. do you know if ppl get angry at that stuff? id love to get involved with the community and find folks like me but im a teen with rsd so uh. im very very scared of backlash if i end up switching terms or finding smth that fits better or anything like that. ive had poor experiences with kin communities when it comes to this stuff (i briefly got involved in a fictionkin group but left bc of said experiences), but that was a few years back so i hope it was just like,,, an isolated group instead of a widespread thing.

If people get angry about that, they're assholes, full stop. Being wrong about yourself is part of the questioning process, and most of the community seems to understand that. Using a label for a while and then deciding that it doesn't fit as well as you thought or that you found another one that fits better =/= picking up and dropping "kins" as a hobby for fun (which is the thing people might get irritated about). If you find out you're not actually fictionkin down the line, you shouldn't feel afraid to embrace that self-discovery.

That being said, I feel you on the RSD, so here's my advice to be cautious about it for the sake of that: stick to Tumblr, where most of the time if people look down at their noses at you because they think you're not serious as per the above they're not going to actually say it to your face, and try to find Discord servers where you know people are going to be okay with it right off the bat. (I happen to know someone who runs a fictionkin server like that; if you DM @indornaga dei can get you a link, or if you prefer you can DM me and I can get a link for you.)

[trinrose3]

I really really want to get vaccinated, not only for COVID but also for HPV. My parents did not give consent for me to have these as they have pretty conservative views on the world and I have a HUGE fear of needles that includes muscle memory. Basically, whenever I think about vaccines, I can feel a needle slowly entering my arm and I hate it so much. I also haven't seen a doctor in 4 years :')

I also really want to tell my cousins(the youngest is 6 and the oldest 12) that JKR is a piece of shit but it makes me happy to see them happy enjoying the content they like and I don't know what to do.

I wanna say thank you for raising awareness that not everyone has the perfect body and I've come to accept my own body more bc of your designs on characters. I'm prouder of my scars and my random freckles.

Keep up the good work and God bless you!

(dw I'm not gonna yell at you in your ask box to convert to Christianity tho I think I accidentally converted one of my friends and I'm panicking bc h e l p)

I’m sorry but that is so funny if you actually did accidentally convert them 💀

Im sorry to hear that anon! Being scared of needles can be really hard, especially because they’re part of such an important process like immunization. I’m not sure if youre of age or are a minor but either way it might help if you talk to your schools guidance counselor or even the nurse! This will sound redundant but genuinely the best thing that works for when getting a shot id to just, not look or think about it. If the doctor/nurse comes into the room with the needle maybe close your eyes/look the other way, and do a mind game that takes concentration like choose something in the room and describe it as detailed as possible or if you like math see how high you can get with a multiplication of 3 or smth. Something that my moms been telling me since I was little is “it only takes five seconds of bravery” its okay to be afraid and to be in pain or scared of it but if you can get through those five seconds youre golden. I haven’t been able to see a doctor for a while either anon lol, it’s important to go to them yes, but were currently in a time where doing so can be a bad idea. If you got like a CVS Pharmacy near you they have a ”free” walk in clinic (I know it is for the Covid thing but idk about the HPV) so maybe you can go there, I don’t necessarily think you need parental approval for it but if they ask you can tell them the truth and hopefully you’ll still be able to receive it. Don’t forget to take slow deep breaths, and try not to tense!

yeah that sounds like it can be tricky with younger kids! I don’t have any siblings or really any little kids in my family so take my advice with a grain of salt. Maybe don’t outright tell them but let them know that sometimes bad people make things that we enjoy and unfortunately we don’t find out until later and kinda leave it at that for a bit? Also maybe Segway into explaining why transphobia is a bad thing if they don’t know about that already, they are most certainly not to young to understand the complexities of things like gender and race. Maybe be like “it’s a good movie but the creator did a lot of things that make me sad/upset” and explain why? Idk I’m not good with kids 😭

Thank you so much 💖 the only thing I’ve ever wanted when I was little was to be able to point at someone and go “hey they’re like me” and I’m so glad that I’m able to make people feel that way with my art, even if it’s only for a few people. :}

[kittybellestark]

Hi ! I don't know if this is where you send requests, but maybe a fic where peter gets all jealous of Morgan and Harley, and its fathers day, but he feels like he shouldn't be there and stays in the room the Stark's have for him- (Tony lives) OH! and maybe Mays dead idk whatever ya want thank you ! <3 Oh! and can I be on the taglist?

hi milove sorry for taking literal months to do your request i recognize you requesting this on nov 18th and it is now February so i hope this is smth that was worth the wait !! 

So I played with the timelines a lil bit bc i suck and i also just kinda took this to a place i don’t think you were asking me to do whoops, it’s not just some cute sibling jealously

also not very irondad based, like sprinkle amounts. also no comfort. my bad 

Post-endgame, Tony lives, Harley & Peter are the same age, Peter got snapped Harley didn’t 

TW: Grief, implication of suicide(minor character), suicidal thoughts,  

-

There wasn’t many things Peter liked. He remembers liking a lot of things, life, school, home, himself. But that was years ago, and yet it was only a few months for Peter. The world was different now, older.

Those who survived held grief in their eyes, they moved slow and while they have grown since the loss of their world, they also had survived the return. They mourned and grew older, making new family and friends. But some who survived couldn’t hold the weight of their loss, and in the 5 years their family was gone, they went to be with them.

The returned came back, and lived in denial. Their eyes were empty, and every movement was carefully thought through. They were left behind, monuments in their place. Those who returned saw how the survived struggled to cope, and in turn they struggled as well. There was no place for them anymore. Especially when they didn’t have a family to go to.

Like Peter.

Peter returned to the world five years later to find May was gone. She was one of those who survived the initial snap, only to not be able to carry the grief. He hated that he came back to life and had no home, no family. Peter was alone.

Tony was nice enough to offer Peter a place to live with his own family. But they couldn’t relate to him, they didn’t know what it felt like to be left behind like this, to be dropped in the future and expected to be okay. Tony had a family now. A child born in an empty world, and another kid, Harley. He was barely a teenager before the snap and now he was 17, just as old as Peter.

He couldn’t help but hate living with them. Harley’s family had returned, but he wasn’t going home. Morgan was a child who was scared by Peter. Tony and Pepper sometimes forgot Peter was there, after spending so long without him they would act as if they’ve seen a ghost when Peter rounds the corner and into whatever room they’re occupying.

Peter missed May. He wished that he could still be in Queens, living in their apartment. Peter missed Ben and he missed the idea of his parents. He should have never returned. There’s no room for him in this world.

He hated how Harley took advantage of their situation. He hated that Harley had a family, a mother and a sister who returned and are alone and he didn’t go back to them. His family returned to him and yet he’s here with Tony. And he hated how Morgan took her family- her full, completed family for granted.

If Peter’s family came back to life there wouldn’t be anything stopping him from being with them. He would cherish every single nano-second if they were alive again.

And yet they all expected Peter to be okay. Adapted. Used to the future like he didn’t just blink and find himself lost and alone. He brings up that he misses May and someone frowns and tells him how long ago she died. How was that supposed to help him? No one even brought him to the cemetery. How is Peter meant to move on from a life that was stolen from him?

It’s not like any of them were okay. Tony and Pepper and Harley all crumbled as whenever there was a reminder of everything that they lost. Peter, unfortunately happened to be one of those reminders.

Tony and Pepper tried their best. They involved Peter in family bonding time and they tried their best not to flinch when Peter is unexpectedly there. Because they survived, they didn’t understand and talking to them led to dead ends.

He tried communicating with them. Cried over May’s death, had been confused about these new things that are actually years old. For them it was so long ago, a literal lifetime ago, so they never really saw the point in talking about these things. It wasn’t that they thought Peter would figure this out, they just assumed he already knew.

Talking to Harley didn’t really work that well either. He didn’t want to talk about the things Peter missed out on and when asked about his family he would shrug and say that he’s moved on.

And, well, Morgan was a kid. She was born in an empty world, told stories of people that she never should have met and now faced with the world doubling and not understanding any of it. Peter Parker was just a character is bedtime stories and now he’s a ghost who wants her home. She used to cry whenever Peter is around and still tries to hide behind people’s legs. 

God, he hated being this kid. Never wanted to be the one who envied others. Before- when it was still just May and Peter, he didn’t feel this gnawing inside him, while they didn’t have much Peter still had someone who fit all the rolls he needed. He hated being jealous, he didn’t feel this when he used to look at anyone who had two living parents.

He shouldn’t be here. Not in this room, which came decorated with everything Peter had loved before he died- and not alive. He didn’t fit. Not into this family who struggles with the idea he’s alive and not on this planet where the world is still mourning the people who came back. 

“Are you coming downstairs?” Harley asked.

Peter can’t be here. He had no right.

“I have a taxi coming to get me.” 

That wasn’t a lie. Something he scheduled last night at some point, between the tears and holding his breath. Peter didn’t think anyone would be awake at this time, Sunday’s were always the day that everyone slept in and Peter could just be alone outside of his room.  Sometimes he would just sit in the living room and other times he’d wander around the property, often ending up by the lake. By the time everyone would start waking up Peter would be back in his room with some breakfast and try not to bother anyone. 

“Okay, well it’s fathers day, so I think they might be expecting your presence in some form. We have plans and all that.” 

Of course they do. They always make plans where Peter only finds out the day before or day of. Maybe Peter has plans. They could consider that. Okay, maybe Peter never really has any plans, nothing more than trying to understand this new world. And maybe he didn’t make the active effort to find where he fit in this home, but he is the child and it shouldn’t really be up to him. Harley probably didn’t have to engage with the adults first. Tony and Pepper more than likely got input from Harley on their plans. 

With a sigh Peter nodded. “I’ll cancel the taxi.”

“Cool! I’ll tell everyone you’ll be down soon.”

Harley made sure to give a big smile, before heading downstairs, a bounce in each step he took. Peter really hated Harley for his happiness. 

Taking a moment after canceling the taxi, Peter tried to pull himself together. He forced a smile and pulled his shoulders back. All that needs to be done is sit and nod, occasionally laugh. Pay no mind to the way Morgan looks at him in fear, and don’t see the look of mourning on Tony and Pepper’s face. He needs to not remember Harley’s family alone in Tennessee. 

He went down the stairs and followed the noise to the kitchen. There was laughter and the sounds of dishes clinking against one another. It smelt of pancakes and cinnamon and hash browns and coffee. Standing here Peter could close his eyes and pretend this was seven years in the past, with him and May and Ben. He could imagine Ben making the food and singing along to the radio with May dancing along as she sets the table. But this wasn’t 2016, this was 2023. Instead it was a finished family forced to bring him in, a harsh reminder that he doesn’t belong.

Peter stepped into the kitchen, Pepper was just finishing up breakfast and Harley was setting the table. Morgan was sitting on Tony’s lap whispering into her fathers ear. Food was laid out ready to be served, with orange juice, iced tea and coffee all in their own pitchers waiting to be poured. He moved through the room, trying to not to intrude before sitting down at the table. It didn’t take much longer for Pepper and Harley to sit down as well, Tony moving Morgan into her proper chair. 

Everyone around Peter fell into easy conversation while he stayed silent, trying to focus on his food instead of the way Morgan was starring daggers at him. They talked about their favourite family vacations and laughed at their own jokes. Peter couldn’t help but feel like he was actually sitting out on the porch. This family had five years together, five years of memories and laughter, of love and pain, and Peter wasn’t apart of any of it. He wasn’t a part of any family, his own buried and far too dead.

“Peter, what about you? Did you have any Father’s Day traditions?” 

Hearing Harley address Peter pulled him back to this world, and welcomed in his deep rooted desire to have his family back. Harley had two families now and he left one completely. Abandoned them when they came back to life. And Morgan was sitting here glaring at Peter completely oblivious to the fact that she has her entire family and how privileged she was for it.

“Well I don’t have any memories of my parents, so I don’t think there were any traditions with them. The only people I could ask about that are now dead. Unless you consider going to the cemetery to go visit your dead father you can’t remember a father’s day tradition, then no.”

The entire table stopped eating, all sounds coming to a complete end. Everyone stayed still as if Peter was some volatile bomb that would explode if anyone nearby breathed too hard. He could feel his jaw clench, as he tried to breathe in and out. It wasn’t working.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Should I not bring up my very dead family? Was that inappropriate to say that my father is dead I have no memories? My absolute bad! Next time I’ll consider how uncomfortable it makes everyone here. I mean jeez, Harley has a whole family in Tennessee he hasn’t seen since they reappeared. You’ve got two whole families to choose from, Harls! What an accomplishment. And Morgan, well she’s older than I was when my parents died, so she’s definitely on the right track. And wow, I got a whole second set of parents out of May and Ben. Which was great until I watched Ben die. Until I die and find out while my death was temporary, May’s wasn’t. Whenever I want to be with my family I have to go all the way back to Queens and visit the cemetery. But you all just live in the same house. So genuinely, I’m sorry for not considering your emotions about my dead family.”

“Peter...” Tony whispered, reaching his one hand out to Peter.

Peter shook his head, pulling away, he didn’t want to see the empty eyes starring back at him. He didn’t want to acknowledge the way Tony looks at him with regret and how Pepper looks at him like he’s lost. He didn’t want to see how the three that lived through both snaps always held pain in their eyes. And Peter most certainly didn’t want to see Morgan, who had no idea how lucky she is, that she was born never knowing loss.

Peter didn’t want to see a family who was pulled together in a time of pain. He wanted to see his family. Peter wanted to look across the table and see Ben and May throwing little balls of napkins at each other. He wanted to be Harley and be able to go home and see his family whenever he wants. He wanted to be Morgan and do science experiments with his parents. Peter wanted the one thing he didn’t have, something that Harley and Morgan had an abundance of.

“I don’t have a family anymore. I never got to say goodbye to May. I would give up the rest of my life to see them again. And you guys just can’t understand that. You have you family. You get to see them whenever you want. I can’t ever see mine again. I can never go home. They’re gone.”

After all, Peter was just a ghost, another person who returned, who had been dead for too long. He didn’t belong in a world of survivors. Peter was just another person long gone who no longer fits into the world around him.

-

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