#I was right people CANNOT handle my joel headcanons LOL

[the-somwthing]

Hey anon, I deleted all those messages for your sake. I figured that maybe you didn’t realize the implications of what you were saying, (and I feel like you still don’t? but I feel like you have honest intentions) but like, you GOTTA loosen up.

You know what a lot of ppl probably don’t care about this so I’ll put a cut here v

First of all, it was not “one instance of dressing like a girl”. Otherwise I’d headcanon the entire male empires cast as some form of transfem (remember that party lol). Which AGAIN leads me to wonder if you’re this harsh on the millions of transfem grian headcanoners? Because (and anyone can expand on it if they want) it looks like it’s just that one instance of Ariana Griande that caused the hc? Which, as I literally said in the post, I don’t share that headcanon, so it’s again REALLY WEIRD that you’re accusing me of seeing a man dress feminine once and headcanoning them as a trans woman when you literally JUST saw me NOT doing that.

It’s like… you said you love transfem headcanons, but then how are YOU making them? Because like… do you think you can only make transfem headcanons when they NEVER dress femininely? You can only headcanon it with NO BASIS otherwise it’s claiming that men who dress femininely must all secretly be women? Like yes I’m aware there are other things characters can do to make you think that, but you GOTTA ADMIT that liking feminine things IS ONE OF THEM. And that can coexist with “some men like feminine things and aren’t women at all”.

You know what the normal thing to say would’ve been? “I personally see Joel as just a guy who likes to be feminine sometimes”. And I would’ve said “yes!!! Absolutely!!!” because A) I’m chill like that B) my headcanons aren’t universal even to myself and C) like I said my headcanon was that he was a man AND a woman so I ALSO see him as a man that dresses femininely. He is just also sometimes a woman that dresses masculinely. Or a feminine woman or a masculine man. I like to think he would mix it up a lot for fun. But again my headcanon is that he’s closeted so maybe not 😭

It almost feels to me like maybe the problem is that it’s Joel? I don’t want to make assumptions about you, but like, idk maybe Joel’s masculinity is really important to you or something and the fact that he has his characters wear dresses sometimes while still identifying as a man brings you some sort of comfort. I get that, I am a trans guy who enjoys feminine things. So maybe my headcanon felt like an attack on that idea. But it’s not. You can’t just assume the worst of people. If someone told me they can’t see Joel as anything other than a cis man then as long as it’s not accusatory like your message then I would be like “cool! I can see that!”

I understand what you were getting at, of course. It is suspicious if someone headcanons every single guy who dresses femininely as a girl… but that’s the thing, you saw ONE of my headcanons that was like that and decided that I do that all the time??? It’s ONLY suspicious if it’s EVERY TIME okay. And also let people have fun lol, this doesn’t really mean anything.

If we start making a bunch of rules and requirements in order to have transfem headcanons then it’ll start to be like those headcanons aren’t allowed at all. If you REALLY loved transfem headcanons you’d let people make them on a whim, because it shouldn’t be controversial. You shouldn’t scrutinize everyone who has that headcanon.

And TRUST ME, I get it. I have OCD, as do a lot of people who fall into these traps. You get told that something ultimately harmless and at worst mildly questionable is a huge moral failing and you freak out. You feel like a bad person. Hell, that’s the only reason I responded to your messages AT ALL, because I felt a need to defend myself otherwise I’m a bad person! I wouldn’t be a bad person, but I can’t shake the feeling. Plus RSD, I need to defend myself or else haha. RSD is another thing that gets people into these traps, you get told if you don’t headcanon the Right Way then you’re problematic, and if you’re problematic then everyone hates you. It sucks. Then the cycle of cyberbullying continues.

Maybe this is all a bit much, I’m an over explainer hahahahahagah… I hope it doesn’t seem like I hate you. I was annoyed at your messages sure, mostly because I saw it coming but HOPED that people would be reasonable, and of course you were accusing me of being incapable of seeing men in dresses without thinking they’re secretly women… but I’m a real chill guy okay, I’m not mad at you. We can move on from this.