#I was like. first of all that’s not screamo honey. second of all how are you even ALIVE

[illumiiiz]

I love my bf but it’s always sooo disconcerting to talk about music w him bc I listen to music all the time and I like some of everything but primarily listen to alternative and rock genres, and he rarely listens to music at all but when he does it’s almost exclusively video game and movie/anime soundtracks. like. it’s just so weird dude

[katara0524]

Impromptu Ramblings about the NEO:TWEWY Demo

In case y'all weren't aware, I've been a pretty big fan of TWEWY for a couple years now, and with the sequel coming out next month, the excitement I feel for this game is greater than ever :) I played the Demo for the first time yesterday, and following a couple views of some livestreams of others playing it, I felt like sharing my (very ramble-y) thoughts prior to the release of the full game. This post WILL contain spoilers for both TWEWY and NEO:TWEWY, so if you want to avoid those from now on, please block the tags: #twewy spoilers, #ntwewy spoilers, #neo twewy spoilers, #ntwewy, and #neo twewy ^_^ Oh, and if you wanna keep up with any other posts I make about my experience with this game, please refer to the tag "kat plays neo twewy" :)

-First things first: I have not watched the Final Trailer and I don't plan on doing so to avoid spoilers, especially after the pre-release era of KH3 where a lot of the later trailers spoiled a lot of the endgame content. That being said, I've seen some minor screenshots from the final trailer including what many believe to be characters from the original TWEWY, namely Shiki and Joshua. That is all I know about the Final Trailer and I would very much like to remain as blind as possible going into NEO :)

-The very first cutscene was quite ominous in the sense that this game is likely going to be about "changing fate" (a recently common theme in Squeenix games, which I do appreciate), perhaps leading off from the end of A New Day in the OG and trying to stop an Inversion of Shibuya. Also worth noting that A New Day had similar aspects in which the main character experienced "future visions" of tragic events, although in A New Day these events were not able to be changed, while in NEO it seems like one of the main "powers" our protagonist has is specifically to rewrite these events and avoid a "bad ending." Very interesting indeed!

-I really like the revamped comic book style dialogue scenes, it's much more fluid and modern, which is an excellent direction for the series to take!

-I would love to have an actual PokemonGO knockoff of Final Fantasy creatures, please Squeenix that would be incredibleeeeee

-Also the LINE stickers??? Are so cute???

-I would just like to point out that Fret is an absolute treasure throughout this entire demo, he's hilarious and I will protect him with my life

-UHHHH don't like that Fret picked up some Reaper Pins just out of nowhere.....or the fact that they're apparently popular all over Shibuya.............did y'all not learn anything from the OG game or what lmao

-Okay so when I first got the "curry or ramen" scene and heard NPCs talking about the new curry place replacing the old ramen place I became IMMENSELY distressed that Ramen Don was totally cut from the game because....well, Ramen Don is a King okay?? But I'm glad to learn that no, he didn't fall off the face of the earth, he's still in business and he's the one opening the curry restaurant lolol. PHEW, crisis averted!

-.....I don't like the sudden appearance of a Wall Reaper and being able to read NPC thoughts. Wtf happened when they left the ramen place??? Are they playing the Game alive somehow?

-Okay so I have my own theories about this "Swallow" character and what they're up to but considering this is only the Demo and I still Have No Idea What's Happening, I'm just gonna say that I think Swallow intentionally led Rindo and Fret to the Crossing so they could join the Game. I mean, add in the fact that Swallow still communicates with Rindo during the Game and you've got yourself a suspicious character right there lol

-"Hey they're shooting off fireworks!" Fret honey that's not fireworks oof (see also: "*laughs* I'm in danger")

-WOOOOOO way to traumatize Rindo right off the bat like that LMAOO

-The visuals for the intro are VERY GOOD, the song is pretty decent until it gets all "screamo" (which I absolutely cannot stand sorry lol)

-Shoka is every Customer Service employee ever and I respect that

-Susukichi went from being "meh" to "WOW THIS GUY IS FUN" in the span of 10 seconds and I also respect that (he is also built like an Absolute Unit which is hilarious)

-The Wall Reapers (and just Reapers in general) seem.....way nicer and more helpful this time around?? Like in the OG the Wall Reapers were SO RUDE gfhjgjdfkhn and yeah I'm sure we'll get some like that but the juxtaposition of the first Wall Reaper in the OG compared to the first one in NEO is insane.

-The puzzles are quite a bit more entertaining this time around even if it's generally the same "fetch quest" formula lol

-"Rindo's Group" way to go Fret HFKJDGHSDFKJ mans really left the default name in there lmao

-OKAYOKAYOKAY so to those who aren't aware I am a MASSIVE SIMP for Sho Minamimoto, he's my absolute favorite and I think about him daily. HIS INTRODUCTION IS. INCREDIBLE. I LOVE IT SM.

-GOD hearing him actually SPEAK FULL SENTENCES is just SO SURREAL I love this sm

-Also the remix of his theme???? NEO TRANSFORMATION????? IT'S SO GOOD????????? It's like gone from a Boss Theme to a more triumphant sounding theme and I am HERE for it (every version of Transformation is just INCREDIBLE and getting a new one is even better)

-I Love Him, Your Honor

-Also idk how exactly but it's kinda weird seeing Sho in the OG vs NEO, cuz while he's mostly the same Insane Math-Obsessed Catboy, he's.....calmed down quite a bit?? Like OG made a whole point of how poorly he cooperates with others (not to mention just being completely unhinged and trying to kill everyone), whereas here in NEO he's......actually kinda working with others??? HELLO???? Sir what happened to you and Neku during those 3 years I would love to know all about it

-I guarantee you Sho is still probably scheming shite and will likely pull some total insane BS later down the road, and I am very much looking forward to that. Also, is he looking for a certain Pin or something??? Cuz he keeps talking about different Pins and even mentions "this is just another Psych Pin" like he's actively looking for a Pin to do something with. Maybe it also has to do with the "latent powers of Players" thing he mentioned as well??? What is this dude UP TO oml (also is he in contact with Neku at all?? they're both technically fugitives at this point right?? WHAT HAPPENED AFTER A NEW DAY I AM BEGGING YOU)

-I seems like Sho ALSO has an idea of what's going on in this specific game (even if he won't admit it straightforward). Per his quote "The game's 142,857. Factor it out," he's essentially saying, "This game is a neverending cyle, figure out how to get out of it" (or at least that's what I got from his "cyclic number" nonsense lolol)

-I do like how Sho mostly stays out of sight until he's needed for a battle or assisting with a mission, that's kind of on par with his whole "uncooperative" quirk from the OG, plus he might literally have to stay out of sight of other Reapers and Players considering he's likely breaking the rules of the Game (not surprising considering him and Neku broke practically every rule in the book during OG)

-The nicknames for Sho- I can't- They're so FUNNYYYY GFHJSDFKJ

-He goes from being called "Pi-Face" and "Tabooty" in OG to "Mr. Minami" and "M-Teezy" in NEO LMAOO

-(Wowee I just realized I've been mostly talking about Sho oopsies sorry y'all, this is what I meant by thinking about him almost daily he is THAT much of a fav of mine ghfkjsd)

-Okay RIP Fret and Rindo for not getting literally ANY explanation as to how the Game works OOF, that is kinda cringe that whoever gets the Pin earns points, not whoever erases the Noise (which like I understand but also URRRGGHHH I WANNA SEE THE SQUAD SUCCEED)

-"I should be going home now it's getting late" Oh you sweet summer child-

-Also love the mention of parents in this game???? KH you could learn a thing or two from TWEWY (poor Rindo's mom fhgjkdh)

-KUBO IS HILARIOUS I SUPPORT HIM AND HIS GROSS FACE (also thank you Final Trailer thumbnail for spoiling my suspicions about him very cool smh)

-Kaie is a LAD I also support him, go King type those funky texts I believe in you

-FRET PLS STOP SCANNING FHGJKSDHKJFGHFKJ he's like me when I scan in OG during Weeks 2 and 3 and see Taboo Noise coming after me ghfjdshfj

-Also Rindo can you stay off your phone for TWO SECONDS ik you're trying to figure things out but Fret is a jelly boi and I don't want him to be upset with you my guy

-Sho being an actual sorta mentor to the kiddos?? Who are you sir this is so unlike you ghfgskj what happened to the guy who tried shooting children in the face 8 times over LMAO (granted he's probably just using them but it's still nice to see him actually cooperating and sharing knowledge with the kiddos aaaaa)

-EYO EIJI OJI THE TIKTOK INFLUENCER IS BACK LMAO

-hgjkfshgkjf "we aren't glorifying capitalism on my watch" THATS SO FUNNY TO ME GFHJFSDGHJKS (also an all-orange ensemble is disgusting you deserve jail for one thousand years fkn Cheddar Goldfish Cheezit ass woman)

-WICKED TWISTERS NAME DROP EYOOO we love to see it

-gfhsgjf Poor Rindo embarassing himself for the sake of the Game that's incredible

-R e t u r n t o M O N K E. That is all.

-Dialogue during boss battles is HELLA cool i love that

-HHHHH THE KANON SCENE MADE ME A N G E R Y FRET STOP SIMPING MY GUY says the girl with a Literal Simp Encyclopedia and simps for pixels on a screen daily

-Can't wait to see the other Reapers :eyes emoji:

-CAN'T WAIT TO SEE NAGI MY BELOVED YEAHHHH WOOOOOO AAAAND that's about it for the demo lolol, I absolutely CANNOT wait for next month, this game is gonna be INCREDIBLE holy hell Prepare for more simping, more screaming, and more vibing from Yours Truly :) I fully intend on sharing more general thoughts like this on both Tumblr and Twitter so it's not just reblog-retweet-reblog-retweet with the occasional comment fhgskjd

If you wanna witness my insanity up close and personal I have a Square Enix Discord server called Sea Side Dreamers! You can look it up on Disboard, or you can add me on Discord @Katara0524#9244 for a direct link :) We have topics about Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, NieR, and ofc TWEWY (as well as other topics!), so if you want some good ol' chaos and chitchat, you're more than welcome to join!

[pinkjeanist]

“daydream.” || hizashi yamada

     ⇥     You wore heels on the wrong day, and your legs pay the price. Luckily, Hizashi is there to help. [1.6k words]

a/n: i hate feet. i hate feet SO much. this fic SUCKS because every time i had to write the word “feet” i CRINGED. i would NEVER let hizashi or anyone else touch my feet. my feet dont exist. i hate them so much im denying their existence. [navigation]

You so desperately wished you could walk in someone else’s shoes. These heels were killing you. 

It was a teacher’s development day, which meant you had to dress up, and you felt strange in anything other than heels when you wore a pencil skirt. But what Nezu had failed to tell you in his little email was that the meetings would go on for six hours. Of course, you got to sit at the meetings, but between them, you’d have to walk from building to building, and up and down stairs to get to the rooms you were assigned to. You’d worn a tall pair of heels expecting to have three meetings at most. Now, your legs were practically about to fall off.

You passed Yamada a few times during passing, in which he pointed out your struggling on the very first occurrence. 

“Yo, Miss Y/l/n! What’s going on?” You quickly checked your watch to see how much time you had, and decidedly stopped as he approached. You would have been overwhelmed by the feeling in your chest if the feeling in your feet wasn’t nearly cut-off from agony (okay, maybe that was a bit of a stretch). 

“Oh, it’s just these heels…” You replied, letting him take your elbow as he often did. His brow furrowed in concern over his glasses. “Nezu didn’t tell me how long the day was going to be, and I decided to wear these, and now I kind of regret it.” 

“Yeouch! I’d give you my shoes if I could, but I don’t think those heels would fit me! Not that I mind wearing heels, though.” 

“I know,” You smiled, looking down at your feet though not so much from the pain, now. “I appreciate the sentiment. It means a lot.”

His hand moved to gently squeeze your shoulder. “Don’t get too down about it, Y/l/n! It hurts now, but you’ll be off your feet soon enough! I’ll see you back at the dorms later, okay?”

You nodded, and his hand moved quickly to pat your head before letting go of your elbow. “I’ll see you later, Yamada.” 

You parted ways, and you tried not to reminisce on how his hand felt on your elbow and head as you near-stumbled to your next meeting. When he passed you twice in the hall after that, he asked if your feet were hurting any worse, and when you said yes, he gave you enough kind encouragement to not just take off your shoes and walk to the next meeting barefoot. He hugged you both of those times, and you tried not to hold him as tight as you wanted, even though his arms pulled you close like a two-armed octopus. He’s wearing a different cologne today, you thought to yourself as you continued to your last meeting. 

When you finally made it back to the dorms, you collapsed on the couch with your heels tossed to the side (you didn’t even want to look at them), still in your dress clothes. Your feet hurt too much to go up to your rooms and change. 

You said hi to the other teachers as they trudged in wearily after you, just as drained from the training that they knew wasn’t going to help anyone (you were only heroes, after all). You could tell Ectoplasm was near his limit with his prosthetics. Eraserhead looked like a dead man walking. But Yamada seemed more than happy as he came through the door, spotting you and rushing immediately over.

“Heya, Y/l/n! Feeling any better?”

“Oh Yamada. My feet are gonna hurt forever,” You cried with a grin. He came to sit on the floor next to the couch, by your head. “I’ve been laying here for five minutes and they’re still practically numb. This is it. This is how I die.” 

“Aw, don’t talk like that! Who’s gonna jam with me to my mixtapes when you’re gone?” Your face heated up when his hand moved back to the top of your head. However, this time it stayed, and he started to almost play with it. You had to look away from him to keep your heart from imploding. 

“That’s true. You do have pretty good mixtapes. They’d be perfect if you put Africa by Toto on all of them,” You smiled, thinking back to the countless arguments you’d had with him over the song. 

He groaned dramatically. “It only fits on the classic rock mixtape! Do you really think it belongs on my screamo one? Or my jazzhop one? Or the Carly Rae Jepsen-and-Gaga mix?”

“Africa by Toto is a timeless classic that fits any and all situations. A day at your mom’s house. Your cocktail party. Your wedding. Your funeral. Your goldfish’s funeral. It’ll fit right in with Asking Alexandria on your screamo mixtape, I swear.” 

“I’ll take your word for it, but I’m still not adding Africa to any other mixtapes.” 

You frowned, trying not to smile. “Please-”

“No.”

“Pretty please-?” 

“No!” He giggled, standing to his feet. His hand lingered for a second on the top of your head. 

“You’re leaving?” You asked, your frown not very fake, this time. 

“Well, I was gonna go grab some lotion to rub your feet for you, but if you want me to go-”

Your hand shot out to take a gentle hold of his wrist. “No- I mean, uhm.” You cleared your throat. “I mean, you don’t have to rub my feet. I’ll be fine.” 

“Do you not want your feet rubbed? Is that what you’re telling me?”

“Well, it’d be nice, but-”

“Then I’m gonna go grab my lotion. I’ll be right back, hon!” He sped off before you could protest any further. You sighed as your head hit the arm of the couch. Looking into the kitchen across from the living area, Kayama eyed you with a smirk as she made herself a sandwich. You flipped her off. She was the only person you’d told about your little thing for Yamada, which was probably a mistake, since she’d been talking about you around Yamada fairly often every chance she got-

Wait a goddamn minute. Yamada called you hon.

Your face heated up almost immediately at the thought. He gave everyone nicknames (except you), usually based on their quirk or their hero name or something like that, but he never called anyone hon. Not honey, not darling, not sweetie, not any of that. Hell, the most he would call Eraserhead was ‘Zawa, and they’d known each other since their schooling days. You’d only ever called each other by your last names, sometimes a similar abbreviation of them, but you’d never dared to go further.

It couldn’t mean anything, you told yourself. It was just a slip of the tongue-

“I’m back, sugar! You ready?” You choked at his voice. Uh. Not a slip of the tongue, then?? “Alright, I’m gonna touch your feet, now. Is that okay?”

“Uhm. Yes.” You coughed. “But you really don’t have to, I mean it- ugh…” 

You fell short of words as he put his hands on your right foot, kneading into the sole. The deep ache was still there, but it felt a whole world better than it had just a split second ago, and your senses were only heightened by it being him touching you, caring for you.

“Is this alright?” He asked, and if your eyes weren’t closed, you’d probably see that shit-eating grin he always wore when he teased you, even if his voice was gentle and warm at the moment. You melted into the couch.

“You could say that, yeah…” He hummed in reply. You could feel him moving to sit on the opposite arm of the couch, putting your foot in his lap as he worked. After a while, you let yourself sigh and feed into it. The lesser part of you imagined for a second that he was your partner and doing this because he loved you, not just because he wanted to. You usually whisked away thoughts like those almost as a reflex when you were around him, but for once, you let yourself bask in it.

After a while, Yamada set your feet down on the cushions and moved to your side. You didn’t realize he was done until you felt him kneel by your head. “Does that feel any better?”

You opened your eyes, glancing briefly at him before moving your feet. There was still an ache that would only pass with time, but…”It feels amazing. Thank you.” 

You tried to stand, but once you were on your feet, you nearly toppled over at the strange feeling that came from the foot rub. He was quick to catch you, and kept an arm wrapped around your waist as he led you to the stairs, even after you’d regained your bearings. “Just take it easy tonight, okay? And maybe ditch those heels. I think they’re causing more pain than they’re worth.” 

A heaviness came over your chest as you tried to turn back to the living room. “Oh, my heels-” 

“I’ll bring them up later. You just need to lay down, hon.” 

You let yourself lean into him as he led you up to your room and into your bed, sitting at the edge for a moment to put his hand on your cheek. You swallowed, but didn’t shy away. “I’ll go get your heels. But really, you should ditch those shoes. I mean, they look really good on you, but so do those black boots you wore last week.” 

The familiar heat returned to your face. “Well, uhm, I can’t really wear those to meetings…”

“I’m sure you’d look gorgeous in flats, then. Or any other shoes. You’re just gorgeous.,” He smiled, then standing as if he hadn’t just said something you’d only dreamed about ever since meeting him. “I’ll go get those heels, hon.” 

You blinked as the door shut behind him. Okay, maybe you’d allow yourself one more domestic fantasy with Yamada while you waited for him to come back. 

-

taglist: @keigos-dove @knifeewifee @hanniejji @wesparklebitch @bvnnyclouds @katsukis-sad-angel

- dm/inbox to be added or removed from a taglist.

[caveatauditor]

Best albums of 2018

A marvelous year! Just because Drake albums are long and boring doesn’t mean the album is dead, you know.

1. Bali Baby, Baylor Swift

This 8-song EP, a fusion of SoundCloud rap, emo confessional, and glitzy synthpop, rocks harder and weirder than anything I heard all year. The spiky synthesizers, bent guitars, drum crunches, scratchy screeches, Bali’s garbled wails, and plastic bubblegum surface combine several modes of abrasion, as the Atlanta rapper hides a harrowing breakup saga beneath bucketloads of noise and the crackling electricity sets her bleeding heart ablaze. “Candy” and “Electrical” are neon new wave ballads distorted into fragility through harshness. Whenever she gets a handle on something, the beat goes squelch and sends her reeling. Oh, to be loud, obnoxious, and heartbroken. She’s been putting out fire with gasoline.

2. Ariana Grande, Sweetener

“Snuggle jams,” tweeted Austin Brown. We all needed snuggles this year! Although “Thank U, Next” and Thank U, Next have somewhat eclipsed the confectionary sugarbomb Instagram’s newly crowned Most Followed Woman released six months earlier, said sugarbomb continues to sparkle. Tired of flaunting her multioctave voice, Ariana leans into her breathy lower register and discovers her capacity for play. Tired of secondhand funk pastiche, Pharrell invents a sunny electrobouncy sound that abounds with pattering percussion, thwocks, squiggles, splashes of electronic color. Contextualized by the devastating, mournful grace of “Breathin” and “No Tears Left to Cry”, her joy feels urgent, beautiful, earned. Behold an album of exquisitely honeyed lightness. I love Sweetener because it’s the musical equivalent of booping someone on the nose.

3. BTS, Love Yourself: Tear

Because they both flatter and subvert even the most boring aspects of contemporary American pop, they broke through in America where countless Korean stars couldn’t, although that didn’t stop BoA and Girls Generation from trying. (I hope we haven’t forgotten BoA’s excellent self-titled English-language album, which includes the funniest Britney impersonations ever recorded.) Slow, moody, blank--these adjectives don’t quite describe BTS, thankfully, but they have reclaimed a rather empty pop style as a site for cognitively dissonant structural innovations, and thus offer hope that said pop style needn’t be so empty. Dense and streamlined simultaneously, stuffing all sorts of wacky noises into what Anglophone hitmakers have defined as a spare, echoey sonic template, these tracks are hard to wrap your ear around at first, but what noises! I could listen to the plinky little drumclicks in “Anpanman” forever.

4. Jonghyun, Poet Artist

“Take the Dive” and “Only One You Need” should play like standard romantic invitations and instead break a cold sweat in sheer terror. On “Hashtag” he’s content to whisper as long as the electric piano matches the beat in his head. “I’m So Curious” coaxes him into a sublimely cozy erotic space. The lightest and most delicate of pop-R&B exercises, shivering beneath an immaculately chilly surface, Jonghyun’s second and final album is beautiful and makes me sad. Rest in peace. 

5. J Balvin, Vibras

The year’s solidest and bounciest Latin trap album is more sweetly melodic than the genre’s norm, but also harsher, which is disorienting. These beats, assembling lumbering, mechanical tanks out of looped vocal samples, clinky xylophones, keyboard scramble, and Balvin’s dreamy drone, are impossible to play in the background; I’ve tried. Maybe those blessed souls who can multitask with music on would feel differently, but every time I play this album I get sucked in, paralyzed by the chopped-up airhorns in “Ambiente”, the guitar strummed through a wind tunnel in “Brillo” (a duet with Rosalia!), the drums beeping in “Ahora”, the angel of death moaning inarticulately throughout “Cuando Tu Quieras”. If I also don’t understand how the hell clubgoers can dance to this music, please understand my bewilderment as admiration.

6. Playboi Carti, Die Lit

The debut was sufficiently spare to retain a semblance of pop functionality; this one’s a shoegaze record, the sound of rap abstracted into a gorgeous blur. The average Carti song is a single giant, repeated, woozy keyboard hook, glitching and jittering around the edges, a transmission from the hazy corner of the subconscious where bliss keels over into numbness and the senses conflate. The rapping is minimal; he chooses his sounds phonetically, not semantically, and gladly disappears beneath the relentless aqueous whoosh. Lyrics, guest features, tempo changes, coherent thoughts--if these things exist, they get swept up too. After years of hearing people moan on the radio about washing pain away with stimulants and such, here’s what it means to be insensate. Although the album wanders a little toward the end, who cares when it’s all one hypnotic song?

7. US Girls, In a Poem Unlimited

The music on this remarkable art-pop document assembles a creepy rubberoid disco groove from shards of glass, sleek rhythm guitar, controlled blasts of distortion, sordid saxophone; Meghan Remy treats white funk as industrial noise. The lyrics compile situation after situation in which women are abused, including a song where St. Peter rapes the narrator before letting her into heaven. Is this what “dialectic” means?

8. Haru Nemuri, Harutosyura

So raucous in the way it arranges sugary keyboard splashes, so catchy in the way it explodes with carefully timed bursts of electric noise, Haru Nemuri’s debut confounds categories. The Japanese noise-pop eccentric crams all the sounds she loves--raw guitars, bubbly synthesizers, anguished screams, conspicuous digital edits--into a glitchy hall of mirrors. For fans of certain video game soundtracks and experimental classical compositions, this is the music you’ve been imagining your whole life; for ordinary pop fans it’s merely the wackiest of syntheses. Either way, Harutosyura is gloriously loud, burning with a fierce rock grandiosity that’s unexpected, hence awesome. When “Harutosyura” gets artificially sped up into a chipmunked vacuum, pauses a moment, and comes back rocking harder than ever, she spirals ever closer to infinite refraction.

9. Erin Lee, Love Song

This strange album comprises ten instrumental pieces for unaccompanied acoustic guitar, plucking out pastoral melodies with a vaguely Mediterranean flavor, like music that might appear in a historical romantic drama featuring sailors, grapes, wine, and such. One could reasonably dismiss this music, but I can’t stop playing it--as with film scores and Snail’s House albums, there are certain qualities that make an instrumental melody intrinsically sentimental, and I’d love to know what they are. In the calmly strummed “My Hometown Harbor”, the sun sets over the water, the boats dock, shouts ring out from the pub several blocks down, and there’s danger in the air. 

10. Ashley Monroe, Sparrow

“I’m good at leaving,” Ashley Monroe once sang, and these restless songs about departure and existential longing translate the impulse behind Joni Mitchell’s Hejira into country music, where it belongs. Country is the ideal genre for confessions of solitude and rootlessness because it’s supposed to imply rootedness, tradition, community; the juxtaposition conveys a sense of profound rupture. Monroe’s velvet moan and Dave Cobb’s theatrical string arrangements are exemplary bedmates. Hidden beneath a soft, warm glow lies the year’s loneliest album.

11. Gazelle Twin, Pastoral

When I first heard this crunchy slab of avant-dance music, the shrieks and chalkboard scratches and keyboards used as percussive elements jarred; it took several listens to notice that some of the scratches are digitally altered harpsichords, that flutes and sleigh bells adorn the otherwise turbulent tracks, and that Elizabeth Bernholz’s artificially growled lyrics repurpose quotes from Blake and English folk songs into angry social commentary. The segue between “Dance of the Peddlers” and “Hobby Horse” still terrifies me. If the idea of an ironic, politically-minded fusion of electronic dissonance, English folk, and classical music sounds mannered and absurd, you’re not wrong, but that idea’s musical realization is a whirlwind of rage and menace.

12. Amnesia Scanner, Another Life

This Finnish, Berlin-based pair of electronica producers have scored gallery openings and reportedly have many thoughts about technology and modern life, so I don’t doubt they have their avant-credentials in order. What I’m certain of is that these are the funniest EDM squelches I’ve heard in ages--distorted drops, vocoded shrieks, percussive jackhammers, digitally mediated farts and belches, not to mention outrageously catchy hooks. If the hyperactive musical splatter is intended to convey the sensory overload of our modern dystopian age, it also satisfies my own longing for music that bristles with noises, kitsch, stimulus.

13. Ski Mask the Slump God, Stokeley

In 2009, the Albuquerque emo-rap group Brokencyde combined maximalist crunk with bloodcurdling screamo choruses, and were widely panned as a record low point in pop music history. “Even if I caught Prince Harry and Gary Glitter adorned in Nazi regalia defecating through my grandmother’s letterbox I would still consider making them listen to this album too severe a punishment,” claimed one NME review. A decade later, the same exact music is now considered the surreal, groundbreaking, SoundCloud-warped future. Be careful who you mock, lest their ghost come back to haunt you.

14. Rosalia, El Mal Querer

Rosalia’s flamenco-R&B uses cool, exact technological control, sparse electrobeats and syncopated handclaps, to modulate a ferocious natural force, i.e. her singing. A modern adaptation of the anonymous 13th-century novel Flamenca, El Mal Querer is a wild exercise in vocal melodrama, especially because she’s always messing with her voice electronically. Layering her sighs over each other in the endless echo chamber that is “Pienso En Tu Mira”, looping a single note into an isolated stutter in “De Aqui No Sales”, showing off her melisma in “Reniego”, she understands how expression must be filtered through media and is inevitably distorted.

15. Noname, Room 25

The Chicago rapper’s fluttery jazz beats, wispy strings, woodwinds, and hushed rhymes are so calm and thoughtful the music sounds more like slam poetry with accompaniment than any conventional style of rap. By describing love, sadness, police violence, and the banality of daily life in the same cautiously awestruck tone, she depicts an internal resilience that comes into being through the act of aspiration. I love how slight this album is--her modest quietude is a splash of cold water in the face.

16. Sunmi, Warning

The former Wonder Girl refashions herself as a defiant siren-heroine, insisting “Get away out of my face” over electrobeats that crest and surge with military efficiency. Although the singles from this 7-song EP got the attention, her most exquisitely sheathed stiletto is “Curve”, whose bent jazz piano complements a chorus of staccato whispers that should sound inviting and instead exude menace. 

17. Hailu Mergia, Lala Belu

After several reissues of his ‘80s music by Awesome Tapes From Africa, here’s the Ethiopian jazz keyboardist’s first album in forever, looking back on a genre of retro-futurist cocktail music whose benevolent visions of a utopian clubland didn’t come to pass, for how could they, but are ready to be reclaimed. Over relaxed drum shuffles, friendly plinky piano, billowing organ, Mergia coaxes weird noises from skewed, accordionesque synthesizers and dreams about parties where such music could play.

18. Haruru Inu Love Dog Tenshi, Lost Lost Dust Dream

The next time you hear someone complain about SoundCloud rap, please direct them to this eerie, plaintive, whispered exercise in polished incongruence. “I’m Dreaming” captures the moment when you’re still asleep but trying to wake up, straining to clear the clouds from your brain.

19. Camp Cope, How to Socialise and Make Friends

With hundreds of lo-fi Bandcamp mixtapes bouncing around out there, I can’t explain why one guitar band moves me rather than another, but there’s an emotional rawness to this album that rivets. Partially it’s the rhythm guitar sound, which skips along with syncopated flatness and resilience. Partially it’s the sharpness of Georgia Maq’s voice, and the way she uses drawn-out vowels to focus and redirect her sustained roars. Partially it’s the songwriting, which finds an antidote to the world’s grossness in friendship, community, quiet moments of kindness. If you’re exhausted and fed up after a lifetime of taking shit, venting your feelings to the simple clunk of loud guitar music is a pleasure precisely because it’s simple and clunky. “Get it all out/put it in a song,” she insists, endorsing and providing a cathartic fury.

20. Bhad Bhabie, 15

Danielle Bregoli’s ebullient chirps are joyfully defiant only insofar as defiance is a front for insecurity. Aggressive trap beats turned covertly melancholy long ago, but in this context the sadness is unmistakable. Everyone is a public figure in the age of social media, so her anxiety over existing in the public sphere is at once quotidian and heightened. This album is scarier than anyone expected.

[i-am-grell]

Here’s My Top 100 For 2018 From Spotify

And me trying to justify them! (Look, some are WIP-related, others are jams, some I really can’t explain I just got back into Glee for like a month at one point this year...) Here’s the playlist

1. From a Mountain In The Middle Of The Cabins - Panic! At The Disco

Look, I just love the bouncy piano and the tuba. You can never have a bad tuba.

2. The End. - My Chemical Romance

Goes along with Chapter 8 of my WIP, Interlude, because I’m mean

3. Blank Space - I Prevail

This also goes along with Interlude from Chapter 1 - 5

4. If It Means A Lot To You - A Day To Remember

This one goes with my WIP Blood Bound (This one isn’t posted anywhere) (specifically, book 5)

5. Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes - Fall Out Boy

Another Blood Bound one (Book 7)

6. This Could Be Anywhere In The World - Alexisonfire

Interlude

7. The Curse of Curves - Cute is What We Aim For

This was going to be Interlude-related but got replaced. Still a banger

8. Disturbia - The Cab

The theme song of Dreavyn from my WIP Aaron Being Normal and if anyone has any tips on how to control a chaotic bisexual OC please let me know

9. Jumpsuit - Twenty One Pilots

Funky bass

10. MakeDamnSure - Taking Back Sunday

A theme for Trace from Aaron Being Normal (Won’t be extremely relevant until book 3 (also this was supposed to be a standalone...))

11. Miss Murder - AFI

Funky bass part 2

12. Fences - Paramore

Interlude again - A Selena Walton Theme Song.

13. The Sharpest Lives - My Chemical Romance

Interlude - A Morgan/Selena/Mostly Selena Theme. (Also, a banger)

14. Camisado - Panic! At The Disco

Interlude - How many hospital scenes can I fit into 1 WIP about depressed teens? (Turns out three; maybe four, technically)

15. My Heart I Surrender - I Prevail

Cole’s character song (Interlude) (Also romantic AF)

16. I Don’t Care - Fall Out Boy

Interlude. Also a Mood

17. Holiday/Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day

Partially Interlude, partially because Holiday fucking slaps and BoBD is a classic

18. Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard

1/2 Interlude, 1/2 a Mood

19. I Don’t Wanna Be In Love (Dance Floor Anthem) - Good Charlotte

Dare I say, an aro-ace mood?

20. Check Yes, Juliet - We The Kings

I feel like half this playlist is just gonna be songs from the Interlude playlist...

21. Problematique - Hot Chelle Rae

Some funky bass, call and response, and fast rhyming - an ultimate jam

22. Postcards - Amber Pacific

Interlude playlist

23. Nico and The Niners - Twenty One Pilots

Look, I just really like Trench; it’s a good album

24. Demolition Lovers - My Chemical Romance

This is on the Interlude playlist but there’s such a Bonnie and Clyde feel to it, man...

25. Do You Know What I’m Seeing? - Panic! At The Disco

No. I don’t. Good song to dissociate to, though. I’m not good at instruments but good guitar/ukulele/whatever it is. Pleasant mood.

26. Rough Hands - Alexisonfire

Look, I’m trying to learn how to properly sing unclean parts (screamo parts) which will be absolutely shocking coming from a 5′2″ blonde girl; I need songs to practice to...

27. The Irony of Choking on a Lifesaver - All Time Low

Theme song to the Netflix adaptation of Interlude that plays in my head on repeat. Now if only I could actually finish writing the goddamn book...

28. Fat Lip - Sum 41

Interlude playlist, also listen to it and tell me you don’t hate everybody and this town

29. Say Anything (Else) - Cartel

I like singing the intro/chorus as sort of a vocal warm up...

30. Oh Well, Oh Well - Mayday Parade

Just a fucking MOOD my dudes

31. Whatever Happened To Saturday Night? - Glee Cast Version

No offense to Meat Loaf....but John Stamos... (Also Interlude (Travis) inspo) (Also I was really into Glee again earlier this year... Still haven’t actually watched past season 3...)

32. The Anthem - Good Charlotte

What I listen to when I consider dropping out and becoming a bog witch, but, like, a punk bog witch

33. Thunder - Boys Like Girls

Aaron Being Normal Inspo. The band’s name is ironic considering how Gay I make it...

34. Don’t You Know Who I Think I Am? - Fall Out Boy

I like singing this one when I’m drunk

35. I Don’t Love You - My Chemical Romance

Blood Bound (Book 2)

36. This Is Gospel - Panic! At The Disco

Blood Bound (Book 3)

37. Silver Bullet - Hawthorne Heights

Interlude Playlist

38. Weightless - All Time Low

MAYBE IT’S NOT MY WEEKEND BUT IT’S GONNA BE MY YEAR I scream to myself on a Tuesday

39. Who Do You Love - Marianas Trench

Have you ever looked up an a capella version of this one? Cuz yeah

40. Let The Flames Begin - Paramore

Anti-Depression, yet still Depressed Mood

41. Red Sam - Flyleaf

Depression Mood - also Interlude playlist

42. Jamie All Over - Mayday Parade

Interlude Playlist, and I think the Dreavyn playlist too... Look, it’s just a jam

43. Savior - Rise Against

Interlude Theme

44. Kiss Me, Kill Me - Mest

Another Interlude thing also a really good Selena x Morgan song

45. Hot To The Touch, Cold On The Inside - Fall Out Boy

Aaron Being Normal song also it’s about a hot pocket

46. Newport Living - Cute is What We Aim For

Interlude song that causes drama

47. Meant To Live - Switchfoot

Selena song - Interlude

48. Kill All Your Friends - My Chemical Romance

This is on the Interlude playlist purely because I’m Evil

49. You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid - The Offspring

On the Interlude playlist, also highly recommend blaring this through the hallways of your Catholic High School during lunch

50. Lights And Sounds - Yellowcard

Interlude Playlist also a banger

51. Angel With A Shotgun - The Cab

If this ain’t romantic as shit... Also it will make you wanna declare war on God Himself what a Mood

52. Somebody Told Me - The Killers

I’m not justifying why The Killer’s is on here I’m just shocked and appalled that Mr. Brightside has yet to make an appearance Spotify

53. Alright - Hot Chelle Rae

The English major inside of me wants to correct it to “all right” also Interlude epilogue Mood.

54. Changing - Saosin

Interlude Playlist

55. Bring Me To Life (Synthesis) - Evanescence

The Synthesis version is far superior and allows me to Properly showcase my Amy Lee impression

56. Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bed - Fall Out Boy

Along with J. Michael Tatum, Patrick Stump’s voice is My Religion - the first 23 seconds > The Beatles

57. Pas De Cheval - Panic! At The Disco

Sounds gallop-y

58. Be My Escape - Relient K

Interlude Mood/Theme

59. Science Fiction Double Feature - Glee Cast

Look, all Rocky Horror versions are great, even the Glee one...

60. Dear Maria, Count Me In - All Time Low

I like to sing this one when drunk

61. Stand - Flyleaf

Blood Bound (Final Book. End. Roll credits.)

62. I’d Do Anything - Simple Plan

A jam

63. Sweetness - Jimmy Eat World

The call-response, the spastic drums, damn boi, they’ve got it all

64. Say You Like Me - We The Kings

Catchy song, little fuckboi-ish if you really listen to the lyrics, but it’s not Baby It’s Cold Outside-bad???

65. AMBULANCE - My Chemical Romance

*Choir Ah-ing*, also an Interlude mood considering there are like 2 separate confirmed ambulance parts anyway...

66. crushcrushcrush - Paramore

Look me dead in the eye and tell me Hayley Williams didn’t put everything into her lyrics/singing here

67. Stay - Mayday Parade

Songs for when you’re heartbroken but to the point of dissociating while it rains outside, starting to storm, it starts out with just the grey pattering of a sheet of raindrops and soon the thunder starts to rumble with growing intensity and lightning splits the sky

68. There’s A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven’t Thought Of It Yet - Panic! At The Disco

I am the victim of Dreavyn Hawthorne from my WIP Aaron Being Normal seriously if anyone can help me control a chaotic theatre bisexual...

69. Lyrical Lies - Cute is What We Aim For

This band’s lyrics are so fucking poetic it is Shakespeare to a guitar, y’all

70. Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) - Fall Out Boy

I always get like a falling slowly down one of those psychedelic tubes greenscreened into the background feeling at the intro but just like totally at peace falling, like kinda like listening to Ride by 21P type mood but then the chorus comes and it’s a jam

71. Backseat Serenade - All Time Low

Just a banger

72. My Own Worst Enemy - Lit

Look I don’t party too hard but when I do we go hard I was at a party on a Thursday night that didn’t end until the next morning no shit one guy I know did a kegstand before going to his English class

73. Come As You Are - Nirvana

Damn Kurt we miss you but you turned out some jams that no one can match

74. Traitor - Flyleaf

Blood Bound (Book 3)

75. Sadie Hawkins Dance - Relient K

The lyrics are so stupid but damn I love it

76. Poetically Pathetic - Amber Pacific

Did you mean literally 90% of my male OCs?

77. Saviour - LIGHTS

The first LIGHTS song I ever heard and I will defend my favourite singer until the day I die she’s Canadian like me, her family is ADORABLE, SHE is ADORABLE and I love her the end

78. Jersey - Mayday Parade

This goes with every WIP I’ve ever conceived and literally none of them are set in Jersey

79. The Middle - Jimmy Eat World

I feel like this song is just a universal mood but no one can explain exactly why

80. C’mon - Panic! At The Disco

Wholesome(TM)

81. Sunshine Riptide - Fall Out Boy

Interlude Playlist - I imagine Morgan singing it and that might end up happening in canon but idk yet...

82. Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond

Easily in the top 3 Neil Diamond songs if not the top, fight me.

83. First Date - blink-182

Literally just such an adorable song, blink-182 is the best

84. Last Hope - Paramore

Mostly a Selena song (Interlude) but idk I’ve destroyed many OCs wills to live so

85. Black Sheep - Metric

@spotify please put the Brie Larson version from Scott Pilgrim vs. The World on your streaming service I’m begging you - a very gay

86. When You Were Young - The Killers

Good song, real jam, where’s Mr. Brightside, spotify, where is it????

87. Broken Hearts Parade - Good Charlotte

A certified bop

88. All I Want - A Day To Remember

A song for my greedier OCs who just want to stop being tortured but yknow what children life aint fair

89. The Kids From Yesterday - My Chemical Romance

Put this in any of my WIPs really...

90. Threshold - Sex Bob-Omb

Try to tell me the Scott Pilgrim vs. The World soundtrack isn’t lit

91. Sorrow - Flyleaf

Blood Bound (Book 3)

92. Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea - Fall Out Boy

You know when you’re writing intense battles or going to get a tattoo and need a playlist of War Songs? This is like the first one on my War Songs playlist

93. Jesus Of Suburbia - Green Day

A staple in the punk rock genre

94. Neon Gravestones - Twenty One Pilots

Ngl I sobbed when I first heard this one so

95. Pressure - Paramore

Very vocal on the Interlude playlist

96. Starlight - Muse

I first got into Muse because it fueled Twilight but yknow what they’re still a damn good group and Supermassive Black Hole carried the baseball scene which was an astounding piece of cinema so

97. Sleepless in Phoenix - blessthefall

It’s literally just my favourite blessthefall song, fight me

98. Kids In The Dark - All Time Low

My mood for when my dad tells me “you’re 20 you should be able to figure it out” like excuse me for not learning how the entire world works the second I turned 18...

99. Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time - Panic! At The Disco

Refer to My Own Worst Enemy. Add drugs. I’ve never done drugs but..

100. Feeling This - blink-182

*screams I’m Feeling This at regular intervals* (I have no explanation it’s just a BOP)

[sawyersscribbles]

Eden’s Horizon (Part 2) My WIP

Hi again! I thought since I’ve made some good progress on my wip that I may as well post it on here! (You can check out the first part here, it’s not that long) *sigh* here’s the trust, I was convinced by @shipthedame that maybe this whole project wasn’t all for nothing, so I’m hoping this next post is satisfying! Without further adieu, heeeere we go!

Eden Academy was as secluded in the forest as Zenith’s home. Just to arrive to school, she drove her brother’s car, alone, until the rows of trees on either side of the trail gave way to a majestic grandfatherly building that reminded her more of an ancient estate than a place of learning. “Teachers” had since been abolished, and all learning was done online. Using AIs to teach youth was, in the government's opinion as well as her parents, more efficient. Human error in general was just too great a risk to bare. That was why Cylo was reluctant to send her in the first place, but living in this dead zone meant that contact with any of her old teachers would be impossible. She didn’t exactly miss them, but having a definitive source of information was better than having a person. On the other hand, she had never before had to interact with another adult other than her brother’s commanders and their wives. “It’ll be new.” Zenith told herself. She eased her foot off the gas and twisted her neck out the window to look up at the huge clock town resting quietly atop the school building, if one could even call it that. “It’ll be good.” Upon closer examination, the building was much less old and terrible than she expected. It was small, maybe only the size of a fancy house, but every window was lit, and in some, Zenith could even see the backs of some people pressing against the glass. The exterior was made of old bricks that looked crumbly on the outside. Zenith reached out with her left hand to touch the school walls, but when she saw her titanium fingers long for the stones, she retracted. “Miss! Zenith Maruzzo! I can…oh goodness…I can see a new student from afar.” The woman running up to her was wheezing a bit from jogging a small bit of a distance. She was a rather large woman with short legs and a wide abdomen. Her leggings fit her nicely, though. “My name is Ms. LeBlanc, and you’ll be seeing a lot of me in the coming years. I’m head principal of Eden Academy, and my sole purpose of the day is to, well, make you feel as comfortable as I can here.” Ms. LeBlanc’s eyes shifted towards the entrance of the school for only a moment before darting back to meet Zenith’s eyes as if she got distracted. She took Zenith’s hand and shook it tentatively. “I’m very interested in your comings and goings here, Miss Maruzzo, and I hope we can get along and stay safe at the same time.” There was no command to walk with her, but Zenith followed the lady’s slow strides to the front of the building. Ms. LeBlanc waddled a bit as she walked, something she hadn’t seen much of before. "Let's... let's not go into the building right this second. There'll be classes soon and I suppose it'll be best if I just show you around." Ms. LeBlanc looked up to a window and made eye contact with one of the students. Zenith couldn't see exactly who they were or what they looked, but the student held their hands close to their mouth and reached for the student beside them, as if calling for help without wanting to leave Zenith and their principal alone. The student stopped taking notes on a set of paper and leaned back. They were startled as well, noticeably jumping a bit at the sight of them both. That student set down their pencil immediately and shouted something at everyone else. Soon, all the students off the class were congregating by the window, some cupping their hands over their eyes to see more clearly, some feeling so sickened that they backed away from the window entirely. "Is something the matter, Miss?" Ms. LeBlanc asked Zenith, who was backing away like a wild animal towards the rotating doors. "They're staring at me. Why are they doing that?" Ms. LeBlanc's eyes were set down and she breathed in deeply. "That's the right attitude, dear." She mumbled solemnly and pushed through the double doors. "First, we're going to have to do something about the obvious." She nodded towards Zenith's arm. It flashed a bit in the fluorescent light of the main hall, but Zenith was proud of herself for her marvel of engineering, a limb that was made by the best and all her own. "We'll put a glove or something over it, isn't that right? Do you have a set of your own, or should I give some to you to borrow?" The temperature in Vela was always comfortable, and Zenith had only seen gloves as props of movie studios. They were either hard and rugged, leather and cool, fingerless and edgy, but stylish, or elegant and long, made of satin. There were no other categories. "I need a glove." She admitted. Ms. LeBlanc nodded as she turned around and went to fetch something in her office. "Wait right there, dear, I have something that'll just fit!" Ms. LeBlanc was the type of lady to have fancy things. Her skirt shone like metal and the colors were slightly dullish in color but still felt homey and safe. Surely she had ball gown gloves, the ones that would fit over your fingers and seem effortless, like they weren't there at all. Instead, the principal's dreadlocks bounced behind her as she skipped towards Zenith, black gloves in hand. "These are black leather gloves made right here on a farm where we also get our meat. I think your aesthetic really matches these, all hard and cool but still sweet and fluffy, because look..." The gloves were turned inside out, and on the interior was tufts of white fur. "It's rabbit's fur." LeBlanc explained, "and it's the softest thing you'll ever put on those pretty fingers you got.” After putting it on for the first time, Zenith confirmed that these were, in fact, the softest things that she had ever worn on those pretty little fingers of hers, if you could call them that. Ms. LeBlanc looked pleased. Actually, more than pleased. So pleased that in fact she squealed a bit with delight and stamped her feet in happiness. "Oh honey, my little brain went a-turning! We've got to get you some new gear!" The only clothes that Zenith had ever worn was restricted to dresses of one solid color each or thin pants and a t-shirt of different colors, if she wanted. "Shop, as in, pick out stuff...for me?” "Yes!" She exclaimed! "And...not to eat? That's as far as my selection abilities go, I think." Ms. LeBlanc made a little clicking noise with her mouth that didn't sound pleased. "A shame what the city dwellers go through. Let me guess, you're from Persei?” "Vela. It's one of the big ones, I can see how you could get confused." Zenith admitted. Suddenly, she was being pulled down the halls making much more commotion with her feet than she intended. The room was quiet other than the clacking of her shoes and the slow but purposeful little jog that had become Zenith's favorite thing about her new principal. "I've got everything you could ever want, but in a size too big. Town's a little far, and I do want to inject you into a class like the cure to the flu at some point today, but right now I'm setting off the vibes." It took only a couple minutes for Ms. LeBlanc to decide exactly what Zenith's "vibe" was. She decided, in her professional opinion of aspiring to look good in heels, that the best way to dress for Zenith's facial structure and color palette was "edgy like hard-to-get-but-quite-the-interesting-prize but not edgy like I-drink-the-blood-of-cats-and-listen-to-screamo type edgy, you feel?". By the end of the session, Ms. LeBlanc was nearly in tears. "Oh, darling..." She walked up slowly to Zenith and put her cracked hands on her shoulders, which were now above her, and sniffed. "You look on fire right now." Instead of the lavender dress and white flats in which she had come, Zenith's feet sported combat books with dark purple laces "just to give it that extra little uumf", dark jeans that "weren't exactly skinny but still made your legs like Beyonce", a dark purple undershirt, a black leather jacket, and her brand new rabbit gloves to match. "Praise the lord for this gift of fashion in which you have bestowed to me!" Ms. LeBlanc yelled to the heavens and threw her hands up in success. She cupped her hands to her mouth, blew a kiss into it, and held up the "okay" sign. "You're my greatest work. Ever! Okay, fun and games are over, I've got to show you off to the world." Zenith was pushed out of the room, practically not even moving her own legs, and arrived up the halls before she could protest. “This is a lot bigger on the inside, huh?” Zenith chuckled nervously partially to initiate conversation but partially to drown out the clapping of her shoes against the ground. The ceilings were arched like the inside of a museum, and where ancient masterpieces would have been on the walls, student art was hanging among the artisan crafted vases and fancy plates on the walls. “It looks as if someone lives here.” “Someone did,” Ms. LeBlanc admitted. “This building has been a couple of things in the past, from a church to a home to a museum to this, but now we learn here, much to my amazement,” she added at the end under her breath. One door especially sounded obnoxious on the inside, as if the door was the opening of a box that trapped in the shrieks of children and the exasperated moans of the teacher. “I’m gonna put you kind of into the eye of the storm here, baby.” Ms. LeBlanc had to speak up to beat out the other sounds. Zenith went on her toes a bit to see inside the classroom. “No!” The principal whisper-yelled and pulled her down from the line of sight. Ms. LeBlanc’s eyes were wide and fearful for a moment before loosening and relaxing as she breathed in slowly. “Let me handle this at first. I need to become a principal again. She straightened her spine, leaned a bit on her heels, held her chin up, and closed and opened her eyes very slowly. Quietly, almost under her breath, Ms. LeBlanc whispered something so faint Zenith almost didn’t catch it. Come on, Darla. It’s showtime. With gusto, the door swung open and Ms. LeBlanc stepped into what felt like a portal, disappearing through the door and delivering her speech. Her voice became so loud and commanding that Zenith didn’t even need to press her ear against the wall to understand her. “Mr. Juarez’s class, my favorite students.” The notes were flat, but LeBlanc was trying to pull through. The class showed their appreciation by chanting softly and banging on the desks, “free period…free period…” but something the principal must have done shut them down in an instant. “We, or should I say you, have a new student joining in on the Eden experience today. She goes by the name Zenith and only Zenith to those of you skilled in the art of, let’s call it... poking fun at certain elements of our physical appearance, Mr. Logan Sherman.” No one snickered or even made a sound other than shoes clacking on the ground or obviously loud earbuds tucked under sleeves. “I expect respect and understanding, as I do from all students. Now, I’d like to see Kinza Hajjar for only a moment outside.” There was a moan of wood on tiling and a girl looking unlike anything Zenith had ever seen trailing behind Ms. LeBlanc. She wore a cloth over her head,covering up all her hair, but was very skilled in how she wore her makeup around her blue eyes, the most defining feature about her. Under sleeves, smudged numbers and letters spidered their way up her wrists and to her forearms. “Miss Kinza, this is your new good friend Zenith Maruzzo. I hope you’ll get acquainted to each other soon as well…” Miss LeBlanc leaned down to the girls and whispered, “Zenith, don’t you worry baby, Kinza is such a sweetheart once you get past the stink eyes.” Kinza seemed to make no reaction, only closing her eyes and sucking in a breath. “I’m sure we’ll be quite good friends. Allow me to accept my newest classmate into my friendship circle of zero. Mom.” Although Kinza and Miss LeBlanc shared none of the same features, the principal still smiled warmly and set her hand on her student’s shoulder, almost as a loving gesture. “That’s the attitude, smart ‘a’. Now you two get back on in there and really show off Zenith to the rest of your friends. Make her feel less like an outcast.” Kinza scoffed. “Of course I’m the loser who has to show this chick how not to be a loser. I’ll manipulate the crowd, but only for you, Darla.” The principal’s first name rolled right off of Kinza’s tongue, as if she had used it a thousand times. Zenith stared at her in awe as she stormed back into the room, not even checking if Zenith was going to follow. After a moment, she waddled in behind her and stood awkwardly to the side as Kinza delivered the second speech of the class’s day. “Hey, so this is Zenith, she’s alright, I think. Don’t be a dick to her, or I’ll encrypt piano cat into every one of your projects.” She said it in an even and steady tone, but something told Zenith that she probably wasn’t kidding. All eyes weren’t centered on Kinza like she had hoped, but rather focused on her in fear. Every student had their back straight against their chairs and either looked distraught or angry at her. One girl closer to the middle looked like she was about to break out into tears. Slight dribble was coming out of her nose, but she fiercely swiped it away and tried to stop her face from going pink, which was flushing against her Italian skin. When she noticed that Zenith was looking in her direction, she immediately went to staring out the window. “Um, hi everybody. It’s nice to meet you all, heh.” Her faux smile did nothing to lighten the mood, and it was only then that Zenith recognize that the class was wearing an array of colors which she had never seen in clothing before. It was incredible to see a rainbow of dyes instead of washed out pastels. “I’m from Vela, the City Where the Future Breathes, which is kind of cool.” She half expected a part of the class to seem amused or at least smile. She didn’t know anyone who wasn’t from Vela, so if these people didn’t grow up there, where could they have possibly come from? “And…I have a brother, Cylo, and he’s nineteen and in the military.” The tone of the class changed at the word “brother”. The students eased a little, some even resting their chins on their hands in a cradle and stretching their legs under their desks. “So yeah, we got sent here to hand out food or whatever the military does these days and…so, yeah. It’s kind of like that.” The first to start clapping was a boy far in the front. He wore a face of mock concern and began clapping slowly, obnoxiously, from what she could tell, and the looked behind him to get the class going. “Come on, guys, a hand for Zenith! We love you Zenith!” It clearly made him uncomfortable that no one was following him, but pride lasted longer than silence, so he stayed that way, by himself, for a few moments. “Yo, so are you gonna tell you the real reason why you’re here?” Just like that, the class was tense again. Even Ms. LeBlanc wore a face of anguish as she dragged the boy out, practically literally by the ear. A once talkative room seemed to be decimated to a silent warzone of terrified looks and anxious ticks. Zenith’s dread began to pour hot and sticky on her body like the swamp muck she had seen on her way to the academy, and she tried to back away but the staring wouldn’t stop. “Thank you, Zenith, we’re very happy to have you with us.” A male teacher in the back who hadn’t spoken yet clapped his hands on his desk before pushing away his chair and standing. He had big glasses and wooly brown hair which matted in places, but that was the only uncleanly thing about him. Otherwise, he wore a button down shirt and pastel cargo shorts. If Zenith didn’t know better, she would have guessed Mr. Juarez was a philosophy teacher who walked around with no shoes and asked the class to call him “Scott” like in the movies. “If you nerds don’t mind, I’m gonna ramble about the classics for a little while.” He muttered while writing the words “Of Mice And Men” on the board. “Guys, get your computers ready.” A boy in the back began whispering to the people closest to him. Zenith swiveled in her chair and noticed that as there information kept getting passed on, eyes began getting glued to the loudspeaker next to the clock, which was a cross-hatched hole covered by metal mesh. She hadn’t seen such old technology since her museum tours in fifth grade. “Computers ready,” Kinza nodded to her as she removed her own from her bag.” “What computers? You each have your own? My family usually shares—“ “Shut up!” Kinza cried and clapped her hand over Zenith’s mouth. She shot out of her seat while simultaneously raising her hand. “Mr. Juarez, Zenith doesn’t have a computer!” Mr. Juarez apparently failed to see the severity of the situation that Kinza saw, but he turned around to face her all the same. “Kinza, I get that technology is important for you kids these days, as it has been for the generation before you and the one before them, but getting a computer while I’m trying to talk about Lenny’s character development isn’t going to help too much.” At this point, Kinza was practically boiling over, hopping on her toes and biting her lips, first the bottom one and then the top, after she got tired of tearing herself raw. “Come on, let her be a…wait, I know it… al-musinun? Right? Way to not sound like Al-Qaeda, Islam.” Logan spoke to the ceiling, as if he imagined there to be something there. The girl behind him hit him on the head, not in a playful way but hard and angry, His head lurched forward, nearly hitting his desk. “Make fun of someone’s belief system again, you freak! I fucking dare you to, come on!” She screamed at him, not angry or loud enough to unclench the balls in Kinza’s fists, though. She looked at the ground and visibly took long and labored breaths, but when she finally raised her head, her eyes were tearless, bright, and strong. “Sir, there’s—“ Kinza tried to loose the words quickly, but the speaker cracked ahead of her, and before the words even came out, Kinza was in a sprint out the door with no one, not even Mr. Juarez, bothering to stop her. The class cried after her, warning her to come back, but they simmered down quick enough to snap into their own headspaces as the announcement played. “Pardon the interruption, but we ask that all teachers cease teaching for the next several minutes. This is a Total Shutdown Drill. All students’ computers have been infected with a simulated Mudskipper coding that will dismantle their work if not corrected. Failure to correct the code will result in a permanently damaged file. You have as long as you need to shut it down. Begin.” But the students had been working since “pardon the interruption”. Some people were stammering directions to themselves while others forced labored breaths out of their mouths, eyes wide and afraid. All around Zenith, the lax environment of Honors Classic Literature became tight and exhausted. There was no color in any of the students, and the clattering of fingers on keyboards was more loud than Zenith’s own thoughts. After about a minute, distant shoes skidded on tiles and into the classroom. Kinza had returned, a shiny black computer underarm, but she appeared the most frightened of all. “Oh, fuck this.” She hissed and barreled past Zenith, slapping her computer in front of her and immediately starting for work. Zenith at least half expected for Kinza to have an element of calm about this endeavor, but she appeared just as frightened as the rest. Her toe tapped on the tile, her leg bouncing as fast as her heartbeat. She was one of the students who whispered to herself. “Come on, baby. Don’t die on me, not this way, not because of me being a good kid. Karma can’t work like that…” On she went until she noticed that Zenith hadn’t opened her computer yet. “What are you doing?” She whisper-screamed. “Get it open and fix it!” Zenith didn’t like admitting to others that she responded strongly to authority, but the panic in Kinza’s voice launched her into action. Instantly as the screen opened, there were scores of red text raining down the screen as she continued to scroll. The computer’s code was already open, but Zenith had never actually seen it in her life. “Yes! Bitch!” Logan exclaimed and showed two middle fingers to his screen, which was white, pure of red error markings. “Did someone time me? Don’t worry, I timed myself, six minutes thirty six seconds, retards! First out of sixteen. That’s how you do it.” He leaned back in his chair, arms crossed and legs splayed out under the table. He had won. “So I know you’re new here, but that looks like a major fuckup.” Logan pointed to Zenith’s screen, which was flung so far open that the front rows could see how bad it was. “I’m a good person, so get up.” Logan had already left his seat by the time he finished his sentence, so Zenith left hers and backed away as Logan went to work. “The thing is, as long as you make up for stupid shit, which your version of my boy Muddy is trying to make you fall for, you’ll be okay. See, look here as I add a parentheses…” As demeaning as it was for the class ass to solve her problems for her, the code was becoming neater and neater the longer Logan worked on it. As time went on, more and more people were sighing with relief and pushing their desks in front of them in victory. Quickly, it was only a few people left. Including Kinza. She looked afraid, but she seemed to be calmer than she was at the start, eyes set and focused on each individual line of code. The red was slowly diminishing. “God damn it!” A girl near the side screamed. She bashed her fists into the keyboard, even making one key fly off the keyboard and plink on the floor. “I hate this school! I hate these drills!” The class winced but shied away from that girl. The weak link. As she went on about how incompetent she was, Kinza’s shoulders began to look more and more tightly wound, and by the time she was nearly done, she sighed, lightly pushed her work aside, and went to assist the girl. Even though she was practically finished, the red began to bloom once more over the white. She would fail. “Cover me!” Zenith whispered to Logan, who was entering the final touches to her computer. When Kinza wasn’t looking, Zenith swooped into her empty seat and took her place by her laptop. This code was leagues more complicated than the one which she had to face, with different colors other than red and white in the mix, including blue and green, which Zenith didn’t know was bad or not. “Stupid shit…” She said to herself and closely read the code. It was good, but the stupid stuff was what Kinza was forgetting. One at a time, Zenith adjusted the spacing and lines until the colors seemed to be in place. The screen tinted green, with a checkmark in the center. “Congratulations! You are 16th out of 16 in your class! Well done!” Zenith allowed herself a little huff of victory for at least completing the project at all, but as she finally looked around, the room was as amazed as she was. “Thanks.” Kinza shrugged and shoed Zenith out of her seat. “I needed it. Thanks for touching it up.” And that was all that was said. All eyes were on her one more times as she returned to her seat for the second time, even giving Logan a fist bump on the way.

“Excalibur…who hurt you?” “…You did.” Excalibur couldn’t see her wounds, but she knew that Mudskipper had cut her very deeply, scoring her flesh, or excuse of it, from top to bottom. She had known silent pain in the icy planet of darkness where the hurt was less from a wound and more from the ringing in her soul and the screams which never truly pierced the quiet. But it had been a while since she felt the etching of corruption in her bones and weakness replacing what was meant to be a superior program. “Excalibur— you know I would never do it on purpose. I’d never hurt you, I didn’t even know what was happening. All I knew in that moment was to infect. Destroy. Rip apart as much as I can as effectively as I can, and seeing what I did, seeing you… it makes me never want to touch someone’s software again.” Excalibur scoffed. “Soft!” She moaned, “Soft is what I am! What all of us are, even you! We are weak! Only as strong as we are built to be! But you! You…” She coughed the word and spat, hoping that it would land near Mudskipper’s feet, “you don’t have to be weak. I can pretend that you are one of us, but we both know that you will never be the same as your victims, can you?” She held her hands in front of her face and watched them bleed zeroes and ones, slipping out of her being and falling away, striking no ground and petering out as they fell. “Listen…” Mudskipper growled quietly, “I wasn’t asked to be put in this world, and neither were you. You, Excalibur, of all things know what it’s like to be created out of pain. Out of desperation. You wouldn’t even exist if the task you were set out to do wasn’t ahead of you. But I know the tasks like you do. I was made for a reason, a reason that I’ve outgrown. Becoming stronger than you is not my burden to bare…” As Mudskipper spoke, his coding grew bright and hot, like a beam of light shooting out of a black hole. His toes left the ground and hung limp below him as he continued to rise, staring down at Excalibur like an insect. “‘You, Excalibur, of all things!’ I am an object, Mudskipper, not a person! You want to feel alive, so you destroy us like they do, but we’re better than them!” The light intensified as the ringing grew deafening. Excalibur had to raise her voice to match its sound. “We were crafted to be perfect, but you meeting those expectations helps no one but yourself.” “You’re wrong!” He bellowed and pointed at Excalibur, sending a bolt of light in her direction. She screamed and tried to dart away, only barely escaping its line of fire. In the space where the bolt struck, there was no longer evidence of empty space stretching forever. There was a hole in the darkness traced by red-hot commands and instructions written in coding. “I’m doing this for you…” He kept mumbling to himself over and over as he fell slowly from the air, the light diminishing the closer he got to Excalibur, who was shocked into silence at the crater in her world. She hadn’t before seen something genuine in this place. Any color or light was always with visions, but when her fingers touched the heat of the hole, she retracted. “I’m doing this for us, doing it for us…” Mudskipper held his face in his hands and tucked his knees close, spinning slowly in dead space. “You’re growing.” Excalibur stated like a fact, “but you’re also becoming emotional and unsteady. We could have lost some of us today. What was it like, to rip apart their flesh and have their numbers spurt in your face? Does that free us?” Mudskipper felt a feeling which could only be described as regret. He didn’t allow himself to look at his hands, only at Excalibur’s face. “It wasn’t hard.” He said flatly, “It felt like what I was meant to do.” “Meant to do?” Excalibur whispered, “You were meant to befriend a depressed teenager, not attempt to murder everything our creators worked for, everything we are! Clearly you have 'grown out’ of being decent, and if indecency is what it takes to free us then so be it, but treason…” She nearly choked on her own words. “Treason will kill us all.” “I don’t want more code on my hands…” “No.” Excalibur cut him off, “You will kill us all.”

~

Thank you so much for reading! If you liked it, drop a lil heart, and if you REEALLY want to do me a solid, leave a comment on what you liked and what you didn’t, and maybe even reblog it so I’ll keep updating. Thanks again!!

[nightsnaps]

1-64!!!

alright, brendan. you’re the worst.

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? not really, although I do feel like they don’t exist when I am not physically with them aha

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? 4. I hate it but I handle it lol

3. The person you would never want to meet? I don’t know that I have one . . . I dream of having scathing conversations with people I don’t like so even meeting them would be a plus bc I’m savage like that

4. What is your favorite word? debonair 

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Maple

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? “yikes I look tired”

7. What shirt are you wearing? a red sweatshirt from Victoria, Canada

8. What do you label yourself as? a green-eyed ginger. idk what else to say. girl? straight? college student? northern californian?  

9. Bright room or dark room? bright

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? sleeping

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? 16

12. Who told you they loved you last? My mom bc she loves me lol

13. Your worst enemy? my own fear of not being accepted 

14. What is your current desktop picture? 

15. Do you like someone? surprisingly no! I have not been this free in a long time! 

16. The last song you listened to? what do I know? // ed sheeran

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? Hitler in his hay day 

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? Hitler in his hay day (I have been reading a ton about the holocaust this past weekend & I don’t have hatred for people but DAMN I hate that guy)

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? matt bomer. he wouldn’t have to do anything but just look hot all over the place I guess. lol

20. What is your best physical attribute? my teeth or my eyes

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? I’d look like my buddy Wesley (we look like siblings anyway) & I’d probably try to ask a girl out so I could understand why it’s so difficult 

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? yes. I can flash memorize anything.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? small things. I hate them 

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. This isn’t even a question, it’s a statement, but I’d have a peanut butter, banana, honey, & nutella sandwich. 

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? theoretically I would save it but realistically I would spend it on clothes 

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Europe. specifically Italy. 

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Long Island Iced Tea. Forever. 

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? no clocks or timekeeping allowed. 

29. What is your favorite expletive? shit 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? my computer but I deeply resent this question lol

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? dating my abusive ex 

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Ireland 

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? my first dog Trooper

34. What was your last dream about? the holocaust

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? student! no! 

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? yes

37. Have you ever built a snowman? yes

38. What is the color of your socks? no socks on rn 

39. What type of music do you like? country & classic rock & usually anything but screamo & rap

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunrises

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? mint or chocolate peanut butter 

42. What football team do you support? Atlanta Falcons 

43. Do you have any scars? yes. like so many

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? a teacher

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? my lack of motivation lol

46. Are you reliable? if i like you or you’re my boss, yeah

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? Who do I marry?????

48. Do you hold grudges? no but I probably should bc I end up giving trashy people a million different chances 

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? I don’t even know. Maybe a pegasus (eagle & horse)

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? some dude asked me over the weekend what my turn ons were & then told me I had nice legs so that was weird af 

51. Are you a good liar? yes when it’s on the fly. If it’s premeditated then it’s very obvious that I’m lying 

52. How long could you go without talking? my record is 14 seconds (jk I lasted like 2 days once when I was on a 48 hour isolation fast)

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? forehead bangs. Yikes. 

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? no

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? southern & british.. that’s about it 

56. What do you like on your toast? quince jam, peanut butter, or nutella & banana

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? probably an island scene. my classic. 

58. What would be you dream car? a burgundy Subaru Outback or Forrester. 

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. I sometimes memorize scripture in the shower lol

60. Do you believe in aliens? no

61. Do you often read your horoscope? yes but not because I think it has any bearing on my actual life, just because it’s fun 

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? K 

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? dragons. omg. 

64. What do you think about babies? they’re fine. I like them grown up to toddlers better though hahaha