#I was in SoCal as long as I was driving to and from SoCal lol

[fitgothgirl]

😍🖤😍🖤😍🖤

[celestie0]

hiiii ellie 👋🏻

just wanna take a moment to let you know how much your writing means to me :') i'm kinda shy about doing this but fuck it, imma do it so here goes nothing lol.

for starters, i'm relatively new to this platform. i was pulled in of course by none other than satoru x reader smut... but what REALLY dialed me in was your stories.

it started with ihm, i love how you write gojo and i live for the bantering 🤭 the characters feel so real and fleshed out, you impressed me right off the bat.

so after that, i found kickoff and girl, i literally BINGE READ the entire series, staying up until like 3 am LOL. i remember laying on my couch, going through all the emotions. kicking my feet, laughing, feeling pain from the angst 😭 looked at the clock and was like oh shit, tomorrow is gonna suck but WORTH IT 🫠

and the thing is... while yes, the smut was amazing (guuuurl especially when i'm ovulating, you have fed us good 😩🤚🏻), it wasn't the main thing driving me to your stories. what really hooked me in was the way you write and how you are able to bring so much emotion to these characters. also, you are reeeeeally good at building up their relationships 😮‍💨

i've said this before but i just want to reiterate that you are the person that encouraged me to start writing on this platform. you seem like overall just a really freaking chill person too, i've always loved your vibes (also we're west coast twins i'm in socal 🫶🏻)

anyways, after starting to write i see how much hard work and effort goes into having this hobby. it really disheartens me to hear about the crap some people say, those people are really selfish and inconsiderate.

you have NO obligation to do this yet here you are, sharing your passion with us, and we are blessed for it 😇

anyways, this kind of became a side tangent... but i guess i just want you to know that the people that are sending rude shit to you and nici are on my list 😤

you are a queen, i hope you are enjoying your trip, and staying healthy. sending you lots of love 💛

hi my love omg i’m so sorry it took me so long to respond to this ask i wanted to have some proper time to respond but i read it when you sent it n it made my whole day seriously!! 🥺💕 you are so so kind

HAHAH i’m so glad you had fun binging kickoff!! that’s a lot to read in one sitting xD hope it didn’t ruin your sleep schedule TOO much skdhfksdjh

thank u sm for your kind words about my writing :”’’’) i spend a manic amt of time daydreaming about my stories n wondering ab my characters n i think i try to value character development n personalities the most so to hear that you are really feeling the emotion to my stories and characters means the world to me fr, and for you to appreciate it like aaaaaa i swear it’s what keeps me going n writing n i want to thank you for help keeping my passion alive <3 ALSO SO GLAD TO HEAR THAT ABOUT THE BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS THING BCI WORRY AB THAT A LOT SO ITS REALLY REASSURING HAHA

yaaaay fellow writer <3 i think it’s so cool how writers kinda domino off one another n we blossom into writers of our own it’s truly amazing feeling to know i inspired someone to write as well!! AND OMG SAME I AM ALSO IN SOCAL!! AAA

ugh yeah. i feel like you don’t really know how difficult it is to write until you start doing it yourself haha. i have gained SUCH large respect for my fave fanfic writers over the past year that i’ve been writing because i realize the dedication it takes, esp something done for free. i do wish some people were nicer, but alas that’s the reality i suppose. AW THANKS FOR LOOKING OUT FOR US <33

you are just SUCH an angel and i can feel the immaculate vibes from you through the screen. ty again sm for this message my love omg :’’) i really needed it. sending you SO much love as well <333

[bonesandthebees]

Do you like rain Bee? What's your favourite type of weather :0

I don't have a favourite weather specifically but i ADORE rain (which is good considering it rains like 70% of the year where I live lmfaooo, west coast pog)

Now I also can get sick of rain, especially after like over a month straight. And so I do also really love the sun, but Man it's been so long since we've had a good rain and I've just missed the feeling of sipping tea, curled up in blankets, and reading while just observing the rain outside, AND FINALLY !! FINALLY AFTER WEEKS IT RAINED TODAY and im soooo happy, like genuinely the happiest I've been in awhile hahahah

I get to put on one of my many rain centric playlists and just vibeee and write !! very happ :))

I love the rain except when I have to drive in it. I'm such a stereotypical Californian when it comes to driving in the rain 😭

my favorite weather is usually when it's completely overcast and maybe occasional light rain. I don't know why, but there's something about the entire sky just being a sea of white that gets me so excited. maybe it's because it's always sunny where I am so it's just nice to get a break from it.

oh that's really good that you like the rain if it rains that much for you lol. I never understood how people could get sick of rain though until this past winter, because it rained more between january-may in socal than I think it ever has before in my entire life. I definitely got to a point where I was like "ok maybe we can take a break from this now" which is something I never thought I'd say. it's hot again now though so I'm like :( I want the rain back

so glad it rained for you again!! curl up with some tea and sit by a window while you write. those are the best vibes ever

[possibilistfanfiction]

sorry to change topic from the restaurant/chef au asks (which i love!!) but i was trying find your answers about living in la but couldn't find, so apologies if you already answered this - is la walkable or do you truly need a car? what neighborhoods would you recommend to a driving disaster (aka me)?

i would say that generally LA is one of the least walkable cities i’ve ever experienced. u can theoretically take public transit but it’s a nightmare, not functional at all. there are lots of cool neighborhoods but you can’t get to other neighborhoods walking; even cool neighborhoods aren’t necessarily walkable bc it’s just spread out as a place. i like the beach cities most (hermosa & venice are rly fun; manhattan is Beautiful but tbh like only rich white ppl so. not a vibe to live there). personally i wouldn’t want to live inland in socal (what’s the point); there’s some fairly walkable neighborhoods in long beach that i love, but that’s outside of LA proper. lots of queers in silverlake; echo park has my favorite bar of all time maybe. i would never live downtown or in weho (gross) but those are a little more walkable ostensibly. i really do think long beach is the best affordable & coolest place in LA county, but it’s not gonna be the right fit if you work in LA bc of the commute

but yah i would say. if you really want to live in LA & have fun, practice driving lol

[steamishot]

mini move

tonight will be our 17th and final night at the airbnb, thereby concluding our temporary stay in south pas. i simultaneously feel like i've been back in socal for a long yet short time. there have been ups and downs, especially when it came to our new tesla and driving in a new area. the second time i drove the car, i scratched the wheel pretty deeply by turning too sharply on a right turn. other stressful things included: finding/coordinating charging, learning the controls of the car, a barrier gate almost falling on us (our mistake for being in a keep clear zone due to the train tracks), a car almost backing into us in a parking lot, and an accident on local streets that literally happened ~50 ft away from us where a car burst into flames, etc. i always missed having a car while in nyc, but now that i have one, it feels like such a big liability.

firsts: getting reacquainted with family and friends again felt like a lot of "firsts". the first time that matt and i hosted them at our own place in LA. meeting friends for the "first" time or first time in a long time as a couple. going to my parents house for the "first" time where my mom doesn't have a room set up for me. symbolically, my closest friend in nyc is SC. we broke off into a long distance friendship on 9/11. out of respect of the friendship, i waited a couple weeks before hanging out with my closest friend in LA, SZ.

identity shifts: it feels uneasy and scary, how my identity will slowly start changing again, due to environment and the people i'm around. it felt confusing at first because although i lived in LA for the mostly the entirety of my life, i couldn't call myself an LA girl anymore due to having lived in nyc the past 4 years. was i a NYC or LA girl? 🤷‍♀️

culture: the work culture here is so different, and it's reflected in trying to set up our new apartment. in nyc, we were used to people responding very promptly (to emails and phone calls). here, it seems it's difficult to get in touch with anyone and the response times are much longer. for example, emailing the leasing office at my old building, i could expect a response in less than an hour or two. now, i'm lucky if i get a response within 2 days.

food: the food here has been cheaper, less expansive, and overall more bland/healthier. we're definitely eating less and spending less on food. plus, the weather is just too hot to be overeating. there's also a more sedentary lifestyle here due to the driving culture so we can't just "walk off" our dinner as easily. it took me 6 months-1 year to adjust to nyc's food culture, and i think it may take me a similar amount time to acclimate back and to find new favorite spots.

exercise: we have been doing a lot of (hot) yoga here. the classes on classpass are generally cheaper, and classes are tougher! i think LA people are already used to the heat, so being in a hot yoga studio doesn't faze them as much. we also go along with matt's dad to a park where they run and i walk/jog, lol. i think i'll get back into running! it's the perfect setting for it now that we don't have to consider the season (i.e. we can run outdoors year round).

space: it feels great to not be in a studio anymore, even though i am sad about saying bye to our nyc home. also, it seems like someone signed for our apartment so it'll have new occupants already. technically we are nomads until we officially move in on 10/9. because of this, it feels a bit unsettling that we don't have a home anywhere for a few weeks. we are basically living out of our carryons. i'm really glad to have selected a two bedroom apartment because i really want a designated "work area".

mexico: this may be too ambitious, but we decided on a week-long trip to mexico city and oaxaca with matt's dad during the period that we will be without a home. so, we'll be flying out tomorrow morning and returning the next saturday. i'll be WFH for the first half during mexico city, and took a few days off for oaxaca. we basically went from VVHCOL to lower and lower cost: switzerland -> nyc -> LA -> mexico in about a 6 week span.

overwhelm: i've been feeling a lot of emotions lately. sometimes i feel so grateful that everything i wished for is coming true. sometimes i doubt everything. sometimes i feel so happy to be around family again, and other times i feel sad about my loss of independence. sometimes the grief of closing a chapter in nyc hits me. i used to think that i loved LA, but now i think i love LA only because my family is here. so that means i have to learn how to love LA again since it feels like a stranger. this is also partly because i'm now technically living in the "suburbs" of LA, and not actual LA LA, so there is that extra adapting to do.

i attended zumba class at the gold's gym in arcadia using classpass because matt wanted to visit his old gym. this was on the friday of the week we just landed back in LA. the demographics were completely different from what i was used to - middle aged, mostly asian women, who were all friendly and seemed to know each other. i remember feeling a wave of overwhelm during class, like what the hell am i doing and where am i? two fridays before then i was in switzerland, the previous friday i was in nyc, and then that friday i was dancing with middle aged asian women in arcadia.

[luvdsc]

yeah our relationship would be long distance since he’ll be a six hour drive away :/ that being said, i do think he’s worth it though and i like him enough that I’d be willing to try it out. i think I’m really just scared of the odds not working in my favor which is why i keep debating on bringing up the question instead of actually doing it ahh plus the fear of rejection is scarier because he’s the first guy i have genuinely liked in years and can actually see myself getting over my commitment issues for. thank you for the advice :) omg if you wanna know more details about him i don’t mind sharing hehe

my first half of the summer was really great and now idk :/ there’s still good memories from time to time each week so I’m not “depressed” per say, but i feel like everything is just falling apart in terms of my relationship with my sibling and mother. i don’t want to go into detail, but it’s pretty bad and it’s very mentally draining for me.

but on a happier note, yes i have graduated! I’ll taking my ged courses at one of my local community colleges in less than a month :’) i switched my major to business admin and honestly I kind of am excited to be taking classes i know i will actually be enjoying. I’ll still have my best friend with me LOL so everything will be more bearable. my goal is still to transfer down to a socal college and study abroad in Asia at some point. i’ve lived in the same old norcal city my whole life i really need a change omg. and for the longest time, i wanted to go japan, but I honestly think I’m leaning towards hong kong or korea at the moment. we shall see i really do hope the virus gets better - 💐 anon

cat completely ignore the first paragraph in the ask i sent a couple days ago HAHAH to make a long story short, men ain’t shit and this one was no different 👍i’m okay. looking back on it, i am disappointed right now yes for things to end this way, but i know that everything happens for a reason, i learned a lesson from this experience, and there’s definitely someone better out there.

anyways, college starts pretty soon for me! i’m actually looking forward to a new start 🥳 i hope you have/had a good day! - 💐 anon

——

honey bee, I’m so sorry to hear that it didn’t work out ): it’s his loss, and good riddance to him. I’m glad to hear you’re okay though, lovebug 💗 plus, it’s good you didn’t waste any more time on him, and you know what? You’re now one step closer to finding the right one 💘

I’m also sorry to hear that you’re having a tough time with your sibling and mother ): I have family issues too, and I get how mentally draining it is. I hope you’re able to take some time for yourself and focus on yourself and relax and destress 🤍

Big congratulations for graduating, honey bee !!!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳 omg that’s so exciting, and heck yeah to majoring in business !!! 🤩🤩 fellow business major here :’) and I’m happy to know that you have your best friend with you, sweetpea 💞 omg yesss SoCal is so much fun !!!! 🌸 I hope you’ll be able to transfer soon! And studying abroad aaaaa that’s so exciting!! 💓💓 I always regret not going abroad, but it’s so expensive and I was always changing my majors so I had to stick to a specific class plan I had outlined in order to graduate on time and studying abroad would’ve thrown it off 😔 Hong Kong, japan, and Korea all sound so cool! I’ve visited japan, but I want to visit the other countries someday as well. Do you speak any of the languages? :o

I hope you have a good first day of school, sweetpea, and have fun with your best friend there !!!! 🌼🌼 please let me know how it goes 💖 and thank you so much, I hope you’re having a lovely day/night as well, angel 🌷🌷

[mischas]

here's a fun thought experiment, how would the oc characters be coping with 2020?

Sorry for the late reply! Hmm, let’s see...

Julie would’ve quarantined herself somewhere exotic with Caleb’s money, she hates masks because they fuck up her foundation but found a few leopard ones that actually accentuate her outfits so she sees it as a fashion trend for the foreseeable future

Summer feels the same about fashionable masks, and advocates for reusable and washable masks rather than one-use disposable ones; volunteered at the hospital as a candy striper only to find that her dad’s money was more valuable so she got him to donate a lot of $$ for PPE and other necessities; does a LOT of online shopping at small boutiques; considered sex with Cohen after the candy striper thing went kaput if they wore masks but realized it would be ridiculous and potentially embarrassing

Marissa learned how to sew basic fabrics together to make masks and brings them around the more disadvantaged SoCal communities; learned from Summer about the websites of small boutique shops and asked Seth to make flyers advertising them around Newport; Marissa climbs over the tape around lifeguard stands and doesn’t really mind not being able to go out as long as she can sit there and watch the waves

Seth tried to get Summer to kiss him with the Spiderman mask on (since the sex was a no-go) but she said she could barely breathe and the mask was way too strange to kiss; he plays video games on livestreams to raise money for comic book store employees who have been out of work or laid off; also makes a lot of flyers for Marissa because Ryan asked him to

Ryan staples the flyers all around town and drives Marissa to the places she donates masks; he’s only ever said “you’re doing a really good thing” to her about the masks because he’s afraid he might get choked up otherwise; meets Marissa at the lifeguard stand and sits 2m away from her even though it kills him to not be able to put his arm around her when she’s cold

Marissa and Summer are quarantined together just like Seth and Ryan are so any activities together as a foursome are over FaceTime (the girls are SO tired of the LOTR and Hobbit films but get back at the boys with a Bring It On marathon) or in a public space socially distanced from others like the beach; sometimes get takeaway from the diner and sit on the pier together but distanced

Sandy is working pro-bono for a clinic offering people legal advice during covid including the unemployed; has hired a few to do landscaping work at the house

Kirsten is having the hardest time of them all; her demons scream at her to drink and she finds it a daily struggle to stay sober especially since every tv show and movie as well as morning show talks about alcohol like it’s some sort of common antidepressant; finds that having her boys isolated with her has really helped; she FaceTimes Julie daily and enjoys their chit chat, as well as when Summer suggests they watch romcoms together with Marissa on Zoom (you’ve gotta have some hot chocolate too, Mrs C!); has spent a lot of time perfecting her Pad Thai and prepping Thanksgiving sides so that Seth can finally shut up about her cooking; has started an anonymous blog about being sober through quarantine that is gaining a steady stream of new followers and community of people who are having similar struggles

I may change this later, lol. 

[koszmar-zycie]

WHAT HAVE I DONE?! - No, really. Tag game!

Driven 100 mph - Nope! I hate driving, though local doesn’t bother me. Ironically, the cyberpunk lover in me adores cities, but overall I just hate driving. So I’ve never even gotten close. Ridden in a helicopter - Been inside before at air-shows and museums, but that’s it! I want to do the tour of the Grand Canyon, though. Gone zip lining - Never. Sadly, the only places I had the chance have been eh. The one at the island offshore would be neat though. Been to an NFL game - I don’t think so. Went to a college league one when they did a thing for my dad winning state Teacher of the Year once, though. Been to Canada - No, but it would be cool to see the north sometime. Otherwise I really just don’t care about Canada. At least the government. Some of the people are rad. Loads are not as nice as the stereotype. But there’s loads of rad nature and good people, plus they produced a butt-load of pro-wrestlers, so that rocks. lol Visited Florida- Only briefly. “Briefly”. Went from CA across the middle of the States to NC to visit my dad’s old home town. Then we all swung down through FL and along the southern border from FL back to CA. Florida was cool for the little time I was there. Much like CA going North/South, INCREDIBLY boring to drive through. Visited Mexico - No and no interest. Except for possibly seeing the old Yaqui valley where my mom’s people fled from the Mexican genocide of them. It *would* be rad to see her people’s true homeland sometime. Visited Las Vegas - Several times. Saw BITE. Saw Phantom of the Opera (HELL yes), and a number of other random visits. Usually passing, but sometimes to meet cousins who often go out there around Thanksgiving/Christmas. The Atomic Museum is really neat. Eaten alone at a restaurant - Not anywhere fancy, but a couple times for a spell. We’re talking Taco Bell or my local diner down the street, though. Ability to read music - Been playing brass since 4th grade, drums since 12th, and flute ambiently periodically. Treble clef. Though it’s still not as intuitive for me. I learn music mostly through ear. Ridden a motorcycle - I’ve always wanted to. My dad used to. Ironically I’d really prefer a zippy zoom bike, as opposed to a chopper or classic chunkyboi bike. Though I wouldn’t be opposed to a Harley or Indian. Ridden a horse - Yes! I fuggin looooooove horses! Gold Champagne is my favorite color for a horse, and Arabian horses are in my top three favorite breeds. They’re so unique and elegant looking. Stayed in a hospital - I don’t think so. Donated blood - No. I wouldn’ t mind, but I really don’t like needles, or the concept of draining my lifefluid. Been snow skiing - No, though I’d love to try! Been to Disney World - Nope. The one true Disneyland is about 15 minutes from my house though. Disney Land - As above, so below. It’s about 15 minutes from my house on an average day of SoCal traffic! Slept outside - I’ve been camping a LOT, so yes. lol Driven a stick shift - My dad tried to teach me once. It was not a wise idea. It ended fine, but it was a fool’s errand. I have no interest. Ridden in an 18 wheeler - Nope! Ridden in a police car? - Mmmmm. I don’t think so. Driven a boat - A lot. As a PADI diver, I’ve taken many ferries to the island so that I can enjoy the preserve/dive park. Also bee on a boat charter. Ironically, never a cruise. Eaten Escargot - No. Been on a cruise - Nope. :\ Run out of gas - Actually no. I’m pretty conservative with resources. Despite being friggin poor, I somehow do a good job of managing what I *do* have. SO luckily I’m naturally the kind of dude to keep a good eye on gas and take care of it before it becomes an issue. Been on TV - Yes. Lots of local stuff, thanks to marching band back in the day, and a number of little things as a kid when I attended invention fairs and other weird stuff. Eaten Sushi - I. Freaking. ADORE. Sushi. Seen a UFO - If you like UFO’s, just message me. I have MANY stories. And it’s just.... long and complicated. No joke. Been Bungie jumping - No. Though I honestly wouldn’ t mind trying SOMEday. Been stuck in the house for days - Honestly, I’m stuck inside most days.

Tagged by: @scatteredstoryteller

Tagging: @noxsden @nixalegos @stonestridernerd @foxfictioncentral @kiyi-ghale @coldironempathy @unabashedrebel

[alittleshocking]

Shannon Mae “Shock” Adamson

"come on, little lady, give us a smile" / no, i ain't got nothin' to smile about / i got no one to smile for, i waited a while for / a moment to say I don't owe you a goddamn thing

i, i keep a record of the wreckage of my life / i gotta recognize the weapon in my mind / they talk shit, but i love it every time / and i realize / i'm no sweet dream, but i'm a hell of a night

Archetype — The Rebel Birthday — November 4, 1999 Zodiac Sign — Scorpio Sun (Rising Leo, Virgo Moon) MBTI — ESTP Enneagram — 7; The Enthusiast Temperament — Sanguine Hogwarts House — Slytherin Moral Alignment — Chaotic Neutral Primary Vice — Gluttony Primary Virtue — None lol Element — Air

Overview:

Mother — Vanessa Adamson Father — Wade Adamson Mother’s Occupation — homemaker Father’s Occupation — janitor at PrideU Family Finances — poor Birth Order — eldest Brothers — half-brother: Lucius “Lock” Adamson (FC: Thomas Doherty, February 14, 2002); brother: Braedon “Barrel” Adamson (FC: SOMEONE GET MY BROTHER) Sisters — none, thank god.  Other Close Family — none.  Best Friend — probably her brothers on the lowkey, they #getit  Other Friends — none.  Enemies — everyone probably.  Pets — Iggy, sorta. I guess.  Home Life During Childhood — shitty lmao the adamsons are a hot mess.  Town or City Name(s) — socal somewhere  What Did His or Her Bedroom Look Like — she didn’t really have a bedroom, she sleeps on the couch bc the boys share the bedroom but the bathroom is HERS. she has posters up in there and her make up and shit all over the counters etc. drives the boys crazy probably  Any Sports or Clubs — nah tho she is pretty sporty. was probs on sports teams until she got sick  Favorite Toy or Game — uh does pulling pranks ? count ? Schooling — public school in cali Favorite Subject — lol (secretly loves lit) Popular or Loner — loner Important Experiences or Events — well getting cancer i guess - shock Nationality — american Culture — lower class american Religion and beliefs — your born. you live. you die. 

Physical Appearance:

Face Claim — Florence Pugh Complexion — pale, lil freckly but she hates the freckles Hair Colour — blonde, but she dyes it when she’s feeling saucy.  Eye Colour — green  Height — 5’4 Build — curvy Tattoos — definitely but idk what mostly classic in style bold colors v classic imagery Piercings — has had several through their years but takes them in and out on whim. has a nose and lots of ear piercings that are constant.  Common Hairstyle — loose and straight and messy but like a purposefully messy Clothing Style — grungy but feminine Mannerisms — picks and chews at nails a lot, always fiddling w something  Usual Expression — 

Health:

Overall (do they get sick easily)? — yes her immune system was shit to hell and she doesn’t take care of herself Physical Ailments — her leg gets achy from time to time Neurological Conditions — none Allergies — seasonal, strawberries, citrus, jokes she is allergic to sweet things  Grooming Habits — good, shock doesn’t have nice clothes so she makes up for it trying to look nice  Sleeping Habits — night owl af, reads a lot at night, gets yelled at constantly for having the light on bc her parents can see it under the door.  Eating Habits — shitty, will eat whatever she can get her hands on. they don’t often have a lot of food. she also does make sure her brothers eat before she does  Exercise Habits —  lol Emotional Stability — pretty solid she’s cool as a cucumber. only her brothers know how to get under her skin Body Temperature — is always freezing  Sociability — she’s very good with people Addictions — cigarettes  Drug Use — occasional and recreational doesn’t do the hard shit Alcohol Use — frequent 

Your Character’s Character: 

Bad Habits — smoking drinking not getting enough sleep being a bitch uhhh so many lmao Good Habits — does she...have good habits…? Best Characteristic — smarts Worst Characteristic — uuuuuuh self destruction? Worst Memory — the day she almost died is up there Best Memory — first day out of the hospital  Proud of — kicking cancer’s ass she guesses (her stories but she’d never say) Embarrassed by — her family  Driving Style — reckless  Strong Points — intelligent, charismatic Attitude — devil may care Weakness — her brothers Fears — getting sick again Phobias — hospitals/needles Secrets — wants to be a writer Regrets — nothing baby! (putting her fam in debt) Feels Vulnerable When — people know things about her Pet Peeves — calling her by her real name, saying she cares, telling her she’s talented or wasting her intelligence or her life  Conflicts — uh i don’t think she has any maybe like she sometimes thinks: should i be a better person? then she goes: nah.  Motivation — none.  Short Term Goals and Hopes — we are here for a good time not a long time !! Long Term Goals and Hopes — none lol Sexuality — bisexual af Day or Night Person — night Introvert or Extrovert — extrovert  Optimist or Pessimist — realist? nihilist? Intelligence — she is actually wicked smart but she just uses it for nefarious purposes

Likes and Styles:

Music — all the classic emo/punk stuff Books — anything macabre. she mostly likes short stories  Magazines — lol none Foods — anything sugary and overprocessed Drinks — alcohol duh Animals — anything creepy crawly, she really likes eels and spiders Sports — very sporty was probs on the softball team and soccer team Social Issues — uh none? she doesn’t give a fuck Favorite Saying — get fucked  Color — black (but also green) Clothing — old for the most part unless she’s stolen it. mostly black but she has some color in their too Jewelry — lots of piercings so lots of jewelry. all fake and cheap stuff. maybe she has like a nice ring from a grandma. doesn’t like necklaces really.  Games — playing pranks  Websites — twitter, insta, tumblr, no fb tho TV Shows — n/a they can’t afford cable so what is the point?  Movies — horror! movies! forever! Greatest Want — to have a good time  Greatest Need — probably to like idk get her shit together

[cptn-stvngrntrgrs]

TAGGED BY @natalierushmn ILY <3

5 things you’ll find in my bag - the holy trinity: my phone, wallet, and key case. ik these are three things but i count them as one bc i cannot leave without one or the other - laptop - power bank and chargers - water/snack - lip balm or hand lotion - but mostly only when it’s cold

(i usually don’t bring a bag when i don’t have class. i just have my phone/keys/wallet in my pocket or a small handbag lol)

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom -- (im gonna talk abt my dorm room instead xD) - my tangled tapestry + ravenclaw flag - stevenat shrine - those dorm beds that is 80% covered with plushies - UHHH i have basic dorm-issued desks and fridge ;-; lol tbh my room is bare - a not-so-CLEAN chair (SORRY GAIL) but i have one (1) chair and i’d have a jacket or the clothes i’m wearing for the next day folded there. BC I HAVE NOWHERE ELSE TO PLACE IT ON (i swear i’ll show u guys a pic of my dorm once it’s....... acceptable to look at lol xD)

5 things I’ve always wanted to do - i want to do a split. like a legit split. even just once. idc if it hurts. i want to do the s p l i t -date???? go on a freakin’ d a t e ???? disappointing, right? <--- this is gail’s answer but im not even gonna change that bc same --> HONESTLY AT THIS POINT I WANT TO EVEN JUST HOLD HANDS WITH SOMEONE - use a damn planner. literally. even just putting stuff on my calendar. bc im so busy rn but i still don’t use it i am a clown - learn how to drive bc commuting is basically a myth here in the middle of nowhere ohio, unlike socal or manila where i can always ride something - sleep like a normal person. deadass. it’s almost 5am and i am still rock n rolling here on tumblr

5 things that make me feel happy - WRITING FANFICS IS TOP 1!!! i love getting prompts from yall and writing them bc i like that i’m writing for someone and that also applies to those who read it and it makes me happy when i make this fandom happy like it really is a great honor <333 - sleep. i am happy when i am sleeping. idc where, idc when. im just always down to sleep. - MY DOGGY NAMED SIMBA HE’S A GOLDEN AND HE’S FLUFFY and sadly he’s also in manila so i miss him but i LOVE HIM SO MUCH OK - so by extension, being home in manila makes me the happiest :(( - eating ramen. drinking boba. eating kbbq. the little things :’) - reading fanfics; watching catws. or any stevenat interaction for that matter

5 things I’m currently into - this is controversial but i am very into draco x hermione fanfics rn. my cousin got me into it and im hooked. idk how and why but. it just happened. one minute i hated draco’s guts then i read one fic and my mind was blown. then i was in. but dw bc stevenat is still my #1 - harry potter in general. i’m new to this fandom and im still at the ‘everything is wonderful abt this’ stage - making spotify playlists for different things/moods. this is fun!! - traveling!!! i have this urge to go everywhere - skincare facial routine?? haha

5 things on my to-do list - eat healthily!!! i either eat 2,000 calories in one sitting or not eat at all. yeah i gotta fix that - stop BEING LAZY. sometimes i just want to DO things without hesitating or being lazy - DO MY DAMN HOMEWORK OR ACTUALLY STUDY. school is starting TOMORROW and im officially a 2nd year in college - i gotta get my shit together - finish my wips. i keep adding to them (i have a multichapter in the works :o) that it takes me so long to finish one lol (i either write one in one sitting or take weeks lol) - exercise. i already walk a lot on campus but i really wanna get into lifting weights so lets see :’)

tagging: @crazyaboutto, @superbcap, @makeprocrastinationyourbitchblr​, @unholyromanoff​, @avengrz-mcu​, @romanoff-danvers​, @gomustanggirl16​, @pico-bogue + whoever wants to do it <3

[kiwipharmer]

March 25, 2019: Birthdays

current fav song

Birthday passed again, It was a pretty wild day. The benefit of my birthday being on the 23rd is that its sandwiched right in between our sister and mother’s birthdays, so I kind of get to celebrate my birthday on their birthdays. It was a pretty good time, we went to this little taco bar where a DJ was playing. I got to dance along with everyone else so it was all good fun. For my actual birthday Geo and I drove along the coastline exploring the beaches of SoCal.

The wind was wonderful and the air felt fresh. The sky was fluctuating between beautiful sunlight and overcast all due to the clouds flowing through the sky. Overall I really enjoyed the day, it makes me glad that I still get the opportunities to experience the world I live in. The photo above was one of a few we took, here’s another one for those interested.

That’s the Malibu beach Coast. the beaches of Los Angeles are pretty beautiful if anyone is ever around.

Welp, things have been moving along, slowly. After starting that Discord server (cough cough for those interested), i’ve made a tiny community for myself to have fun with some people that are quirky. Its good to be able to open up to people who are willing to accept me, though there’s still some plural people i encounter every once in a while that make me cringe severely, as well as the typical internet goer that thinks I'm a deranged catfish. Overall not too bad though.

Nearing the end of First love zombie also and well, i cant really say I didn’t expect what was going to happen, but more along the lines of hoping it wouldn’t go the way i was expecting.

I probably spoiled it but who cares nobody even reads the same shit I do lol. The imaginary girl wanted to know more, she wanted to find the truth. Well, she found it. Who she is, what she is, the truth she hid herself from all long.

After reading that chapter it made me kind of depressed. I know how its going to end, and I know its going to only serve to hammer the point home about my own situation. The reality of our existence that we continue to reject.

Oh well, I'll hold onto the truth while I continue to live the way I want despite it. I don't need validation, I don't need people to tell me that I matter or that I don't matter. At the end of the day, there's nothing anyone can say anymore that will stop me from the overwhelming drive to exist in the form I want. My will is too strong.

anyways, time to vanish until another creative idea pops into my head. Toodles.

[monolid-monologues]

Wtf is going on - Part I.

#12.

READY OR NOT..............

The next three weeks feel impossible. 

My KNEES are KNOCKING.

TOO MUCH IS HAPPENING

Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m losing my mind lol. I’m going to take myself through this week by week. Breaking up my next 3 blog posts into a Three part series, and i’m going to slowly tread wtf is going on.

1.) MY JOB, MY LIFE

Karina and i drove LA >> Oakland >> LA in one day to audition for 5 minutes. LoL. We’re crazy and we know that. The troubling fact is this job means quitting my current one and moving to Oakland.

In February at the festival in Oregon, we were invited to audition for Kaiser Permanente’s Educational Theatre. They employ actors to perform shows for kids.

It pays more than my current job. It is less stable than my current job.

I’m TERRIFIED of having *that* conversation with my dad, and my office.

Desperate to avoid a serving job (having worked them since i was 16), i approached my dad for a job at his company. He knows about me and theater. He knew to be cautious. He asked me commit 2 years. I promised my dad 2 years; it’s only been 6 months. There’s a voice in my head chiding me for even considering this new opportunity.

And part of me is very very resistant to the reality of this new opportunity. Moving to Oakland means moving away from Robin, from Heather, from my studio, from all the work i’ve been doing in L.A to lay down some roots. Working full time at a corporate theater. Suffering bay area rent. Potentially losing my dad’s support (he is helping me with car and insurance payments). And pouring so much time into someone else’s theater. And potentially neglecting my own dreams -- risk of being too burnt, busy and broke to manifest my own theater projects. Not to mention all my fears around the importance of artistic freedom to me and needing to comply with a higher authority for paycheck’s sake (literal nightmare). And i just, might, very well, possibly, end up hating the job. 

I fear breaking my promise. Going back on my word. Owning up to the fact that i am not the loyal bitch we hoped i was. I fear these feelings of betrayal. I fear upsetting my dad and losing his support. I fear the disrespect i am slamming on my director & cecillia’s time and energy and trust in me. I fear that there is no “good” decision, but i can see Regret sitting atop my worst case scenario and i’m afraid that it doesn’t even really matter how things go, whether i stay or go, it’s all a sticky situation. 

If i get the job, but don’t go, i am still at the office. Sitting. So much sitting............clutching my small studio time like the life jacket it is...

If i get the job and want go, well, fuck, that’s a lot of, fuck. Can i put my independent theater dreams on hold? Is this experience worth pursuing? Is it worth upsetting my entire life here? Wow. Since when did i get so attached to my life here? I’ve worked so hard since i’ve been here, to seek, and seek, and plan, and build. I’ve been planning for my life here in L.A. I NeVER imagined relocating this soon. Turning my life upside down when i’ve literally JUST managed to get it looking right-side-up. f$&%@#$!

OKAY Normally, i’d wait to see if i got called back to start worrying. But this opportunity requiring 600 mile drives, requiring me and karina to rearrange chunks of our lives, to even be considered for the job, makes every step in the audition process so costly o_o.  We’re asking ourselves “if we do get called back, how are we even going to get there?”  We’re investing and sacrificing for a huge Maybe. Even pursuing the possibility is TOO MUCH!!!! yet here we are. Why? Why am i this crazy about a maybe?

L.A.’S BEEN GROWING ON ME. AND I MIGHT NOT GET THE JOB. LET’S KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID -- 

Tomorrow, we will find out if we’re called back. If we’re called back, the one thing i need to do (the scariest fkn thing ok) is ask for another day off (to secretly attend). If god blesses me with a Yes and my director is NOT fed up with my bullshit, the next thing is figuring out how tf to get there.  And that’s it. That’s it. That’s it. For now.

* * *

An interlude.)

What changes when i decide i’m tired of doubting myself? Staying off social media is a great relief. I stepped back because i was starting to carry some duty to entertain or cater to the tastes of the people who engage with what i post. The anxiety that begins to stir between myself and thoughts of people far away -- with heavy social media comes this baggage we pick up and hold nearly voluntarily. 

Just as we are curious how someone else’s life is going, we imagine other people are curious about ours. 

We second-guess what we want to post.  When it’s about what we want to share in the first place. How anybody receives it is their business. Leave them tf ALONE, LOL. Leave YOURSELF alone!

If it’s your career, you chase one of few formulas. If it’s your hobby, you draw from these formulas and mix in your personal flavor of “idgaf”. And if it’s mostly irrelevant to what you do/what you want, you’re not even bothered. *shrug* 

Every fuckin body will tell you, people who don’t frequent social media are happier. 

Do you think so? Do we think so?  I’m skeptical.  It’s easy to believe, given how much (admit it) time and attention social media sucks. But actually? Let’s be clear: who can know? Lol. The very point around people who don’t use social media is they are beyond the reach of our prying eyes. They are safe, much less susceptible to the wandering imagination of a distant relationship. They are out of bounds. 

Sometimes i wish i was that kind of person. Whoever that means.

I’m not. 

There’s something about getting to show something to hundreds of people. There’s something about connections waiting to be made. Paths that could cross. Click-holes where we lean outside of our usual environments. We are open to exposure and being exposed. We are creative with our public image. We narrate our own lives. We seek others’. ThaT PART. That part. “I will engage!!!!!!!!!!” 

Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with social media?

What does that look like?

There’s so much in our culture that discourages social media use - from mental health to physical health - we are told every day what the pitfalls are. We know it ourselves in living our lives. The common denominator to these warnings is usually over-consumption. Too much. Much too much.

If we are using social media, we are at risk. We know the risks. We live with the risks. ALAS -  we believe we can manage the time/space distortion that the social media universe rips into our lives. 

With social media comes this massive gravitational pull sucking us into a manufactured world. This tech, as far as i’m concerned, insanely complicates our lives - adding data to bodies, instant X long distance everything, and a level of productivity concerning online metrics that is often inversely proportional to our productivity offline. 

The most estranged relationships continue to fizzle quietly with mutual following. Our brains buzz “To post or not to post”. And our eyes are getting tired, our thumbs sore; our time and attention sinks and slips away from us. Like retribution for the discontent, disinterest, and laziness we risk habituating with social media.

We give access and have access and the ride is crippling or energizing depending on whatever people or time in your life. 

Do the rewards outweigh the risks?

* * *

II. SHOWTIME

IT’S GO TIME.

While i’m floundering in the dark about my job, my life, March is ending soon and come April comes the premiere and one-month-run of my new production, 1-800-PERFECTION. 

This is my first show in socal. My first show outside of Davis. My first full solo work. My first script-based PLAY in YEARS.

March Timeline:

meeting with studio manager to settle performance dates (today)

last full rehearsal (3/24 SAT)

tech rehearsal with Heather (3/30 SAT)

preview performance w/ talk back (3/31 SUN) YOU’RE INVITED. rose.artrat@gmail.com | please come! TIME: 1-3pm LOCATION: 1183 Kraemer Blvd, Anaheim, CA

April Timeline:

Dress Rehearsal  (week 1, TBD)

1st Show (week 2, TBD)

2nd show (week 3, TBD)

3rd Show (week 4, TBD) Tickets: $12 venmo  (seat reserved) or $10 cash at door (exact change!!!)

My radical marketing plan is to do it in person.  I wanna shit my pants thinking about it, but i’m determined to go out there into public places and invite people to my show face 2 face. I will certainly let you know how it goes. The experience may turn up a giant dumpster fire. :-)

Common questions when opening a new work include: what if ppl hate it? what if i hate it? what if no one comes? what if this is the end of my reputation as an artist as we know it? as i know it? what if i’m not ready? 

What if i didn’t rehearse enough? THIS ONE’S BEEN HAUNTING ME.

My best friend asks me how long i’ve been working on this play. I tell her i can afford 20 hours of studio time a month. It’s been almost 4 months now. And then she’s like, isn’t 20 hours...less than a day?  *brain explodes* Have i only worked on my show for LESS THAN 4 DAYS? IS IT LIKE THAT? 

It has been living, growing, changing with me day to day. But of course, 20 hours is really it of dedicated work time/space. 5 hours a week. 

I am used to working 30 hours per weeeeeek on a show.  that’s what i’m used to.

....................................................

I remember when i first found this studio offering exactly what i was looking for and could afford, i was ELATED to get 20 hours a month. Considering the ZERO work i was doing my first 2 months back in LA -- Getting 1 step closer to where i would be today - on the cusp of running a whole original ass show - was mooooreee than enough. 

But this is honestly one worry out of SO MANY, literally so many, that it’s all looking - sounding - and feeling increasingly ridiculous. because there’s just so much. *laugh cry emoji* * * * I’m never going to forget what i signed up for. Everything on my plate, i set up for myself.

Was i ready for all of this? No. Did i dream this up and seek its fruition? Hell yes. Even i know that only time will tell me What was What.  So, i will take it one fkn day at a time.

Maybe this is a lesson to follow your dreams no matter what, precisely BECAUSE you’ll never be ready for it. I can’t imagine being ready for what i’m going through these days. There’s no fucking way i could’ve known how stickyyyy things could get when i made my first studio payment in December, or asked my dad for a job in October.

But go through with it, we will, because we’ve reached the point where we must. I’m. Not. Looking. Back.

BUT I AM REALLY TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF MY HEALTH WHILE I’M WHIZZING ACROSS THE STATE AND PREPARING ALL THE SHOW THINGS. WISH ME SOME HONEST LUCK ON THAT.

So, I don’t have a dramatic poignant closer for you on this one. Let’s, uh, give that to Part 3, when we wrap this whole mess up. (ie. is Oakland rlly happening? how was canvassing the brea mall to advertise my show LMAO? did i lose my damn mind, or nah?)

Hi.  I just want to say, thank you for reading. Really. thank you.

I think my writing is suffering from the craziness atm.

* * *

i’ve committed to being vulnerable in writing every week.

previous letter: #11. detox,

drop me a line

http://monolid-monologues.tumblr.com/ask

[the-most-beautiful-broom]

100 questions

it’s long so it’s under the cut, but man was this fun. thanks for the tag @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold ♥ i’ll tag my loves (if you want to haha this is a lot) @dylanobrienisbatman @blueshirtbell @granger--danger @nightbleeder

1. What is your nickname? lol I have so many. Linds is the most common on here though.

2. How old are you? 23

3. What is your birth month? october

4. What is your zodiac sign? libra, but it’s only like 60% accurate imo (I’m not fragile, or a flirt? ya girl can be charismatic, but I don’t think that’s the same?)

5. What is your favorite color? green

6. What’s your lucky number? when I was in high school/sports, I picked 13 for my number because everyone was like oooo it’s unlucky and I was like cool, guess I’ll win while wearing an unlucky number then (and that’s today’s slytherin mood)

7. Do you have any pets? not in the city with me :(

8. Where are you from? california

9. How tall are you? 5’ 9"

10. What shoe size are you? 10

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? more than I should, probs

12. Are you random? oh goodness no. I believe in patterns and I’m pretty dang predictable.

13. Last person you texted? my sister

14. Are you psychic in any way? lol no

15. Last TV show watched? queer eye again

16. Favorite movie? IMPOSSIBLE <--stealing Kath’s answer on this one

17. Favorite show from your childhood? sooooo we didn’t have a tv haha my mom really really wanted her daughters to be well read

18. Do you want children? I want to foster!

19. Do you want a church wedding? I’m not sure? i’d want everyone to be comfortable and they might not be in a church…I do know that I want a brunch wedding though, bc dancing isn’t my thing and breakfast food is

20. What is your religion? I’m Christian! Seventh-day Adventist is the specific denomination, but nobody ever really knows what to do with that haha

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? not for me/like I’m sick, but for other people, yeah, too much

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Lol not at all. I’ve gotten pulled over four times, but never ticketed though.

23. How is life? better than I deserve

24. Baths or showers? showers

25. What color socks are you wearing? i’m wearing heels for work, so no socks

26. Have you ever been famous? goodness no, whatever for?

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? I think I would, to get to have that platform to make a change and give other people a voice would be awesome

28. What type of music do you like? something with words that mean something, or a melody that surprises you. I’m so weak for key changes though…I’ve always said that my perfect music is driving music: I can belt it alone on a highway at 3am, or laugh over it with friends in the afternoon.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? nope

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? two

31. What position do you usually sleep in? on my right side, with my hands under my pillow

32. How big is your house? it’s a nyc apartment, fam, it’s the size of a broom closet. it’s cozy though, and I love it

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I’m so bad at eating breakfast…if I do get something, it’s at the bagel place across the street from my office

34. Have you ever left the country? ages ago

35. Have you ever tried archery? on retreats/for school; I wanted to be like robin hood

36. Do you like anyone? I might have a bit of a crush at the moment and it is stressing me out

37. Favorite swear word? so I literally never swear irl, and the first time I swore online was when I was writing my stranger things fic—it’s literally impossible to write dustin and steve and have them not cuss?? ummm I don’t know, they all have their purposes, but I think fuck is just next level emphatic. it’s crazy that it’s just a word, but it conveys so much when you use it

38. When do you fall asleep? if/when I establish a normal sleeping schedule, I’ll let you know

39. Do you have any scars? in the middle of one of my eyebrows, from when I cracked my head open as a kid, which is why I always fill my eyebrows in. also acne scars, which I’m working on not caring about.

40. Sexual orientation? straight

41. Are you a good liar? yes

42. What languages would you like to learn? Literally all of them, so many. I’d love to learn Tagalog so I could have that connection with my mom’s side of the family, and then Spanish is just so beautiful and I really should’ve kept up with it after high school. French and German and Italian would be nice too, and then maybe an ancient language or three?  

43. Top 10 songs? REFUSING TO ANSWER THIS <--again, stealing kath’s answer. y’all know how much music I listen to and cry over, so you know I can’t do this

44. Do you like your country? yes but not my leadership. I love the people of this country and I hate that the voices of the few are the ones that are loudest and that are yelling and that are deciding. the people of my country aren’t being represented or heard or protected and it breaks my heart.

45. Do you have friends from the web? I do! from this blog and I ran a fashion blog for a while, so from insta too

46. What is your personality type? MBTI: estj, enneagram: 2w3.

47. Hogwarts House? slytherin (as if anyone couldn’t tell)

48. Can you curl your tongue? no

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? emma woodhouse (I wish I could say lizzie bennet, but it’s got to be emma)

50. Left or right handed? right

51. Are you scared of spiders? not really? my sister is, so I always had to kill them

52. Favorite food? bread

53. Favorite foreign food? mexican (one of the perks of growing up near the border)

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I’m an orderly person…but sometimes that manifests itself in organized chaos BUT I KNOW WHERE EVERYTHING IS OKAY

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? call out my coworkers and not be written off as emotional/sensitive

56. What color underwear? black

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? most days like 20 minutes? from horizontal in bed to out the door...but if i have to do my hair, tap another 3 hours on that, because it has to air dry

58. Do you have much of an ego? so this is complicated because i have high confidence in my capabilities and performance, but struggle with my worth and importance independent of those

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I don’t really care for lollipops, they just make me want to brush my teeth

60. Do you talk to yourself? yep

61. Do you sing to yourself? also yep

62. Are you a good singer? oh it’s so relative, fam. I can harmonize pretty well, so I’m a good backup singer

63. Biggest Fears? insignificance

64. Are you a gossip? not really. I hate complaining, and I really hate when other people complain; i’m just like okay so what did you do about it? 

65. Are you a grammar nazi? if someone knows better, in a context when they should know better, then yes. so like, in a paper, for a presentation, yeah. people ask for help bc I’m good at what I do. but also it’s such a construct that we judge people off of, so I work on not doing that outside of a professional/scholarly context? also I’m a big believer in knowing the rules and breaking them to make a point (see: all my lower case answers, run on sentences, etc.)  

66. Do you have long or short hair? I pixie-d my hair back in august and regret it constantly lol. it had to be done though

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? i mean, probably? I’ve been to most of them

68. Favorite school subject? always english

69. Extrovert or Introvert? literally the most extroverted extrovert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? nope

71. What makes you nervous? when I see kids wandering and their parents not noticing

72. Are you scared of the dark? no

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? if we’re alone and I can help them, sure. I despise when people publicly reprimand someone for an unintentional error; it’s just so inconsiderate  

74. Are you ticklish? I find people’s obsession with tickling so weird lol

75. Have you ever started a rumor? no

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? …did we not already do this one?

77. Have you ever drank underage? lol fam I don’t drink at all

78. Have you ever done drugs? no

79. What do you fantasize about? paying off all my student debt, having an apartment in all my favorite cities, being able to travel. being an English professor. sometimes growing old with someone; most of the times being a mentor to younger women/getting to be someone i didn’t have

80. How many piercings do you have? none

81. Can you roll your R’s? yeah

82. How fast can you type? not very, which is funny because I work in IT, but I don’t type with my pinkies so that’s a mess

83. How fast can you run? lol I don’t run

84. What color is your hair? brown

85. What color are your eyes? hazel (green + brown)

86. What are you allergic to? mold and one very specific type of grass

87. Do you keep a journal? no

88. Are you depressed about anything? I disagree with how this question is worded but okay. ummm the fact that all my money goes to student loans and rent? misogyny in the workplace? hypocrisy in my government? the lack of love and empathy expressed by people who profess to be believers in love and empathy? that’s a good start 

89. Do you like your age? it’s where I’m at, either way

90. What makes you angry? willful ignorance

91. Do you like your own name? I do

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? no

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? not to be a cliché, but all children are gifts? Like I don’t want to physically bear children, but if they’re there, they deserve love (hence the foster thing-- there are SO many kids in a broken system that need security and someone to care for them, and nobody helps them and that just shouldn’t be)

94. What talents do you have? public speaking and writing. I have a passion for making people feel welcomed and known and loved, so I hope that too

95. Sun or moon? sunshine; I’ll always be a SoCal girl at heart

96. How did you get your name? my parent’s loved the meaning

97. Are you religious? I am, yeah. it’s been a journey—other people believing blindy makes me so mad, as well as people who never question their faith or grow in it, or act in a way that shows they don’t actually believe what they say they do—but yeah, my faith is hugely important to me.  

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? I have not, although the farther away I get from some things, the more I think I ought to

99. Color of your bedspread? white with gray tassels

100. Color of your room? white walls and an exposed brick wall

[kitsune-kaos]

Ur hot kinda wish we didn’t live on opposite sides of California so i can distract u in person for the time being 👀

Damn I wish that too 😩 but also lol cause my long drive is heading back up to NorCal from SoCal 😆 I was just in LA for a week with my mom to help babysit my niece, tho because of that I wasn’t seeing anyone else anyways 😝

[hidetheremote]

Describe a fun evening out with myself(non-negotiable - this is MY ask and I get to come!!) and a few of your other tumblr friends. What would we get up to? Would we hang out in a coffee shop? Catch a movie? Yak non-stop? Where would we go for dinner - or cook for ourselves - order pizza? Will this be a large crowd or kept to a manageable head-count? ^^

I love this ask so much, because let me tell you, I am a fun friend IRL.

Based on the vibes I get from everyone, we are having a potluck BBQ at the beach. Not because I am a cheap date, but because I am almost positive all of us wants to contribute a dish or two to the date-turned-party. If I had a house, we’d be partying it up in my backyard.

I would cook you guys my infamous steak. Yes, infamous because my husband has told me more than once that my steaks are better than sex. And I’m no prude, I do have two kids to prove that I’ve put out more than once. Anyway, if you’re a vegetarian, I bake a mean butter garlic asparagus, so don’t think I’m leaving you herbivores out of this date.

This BBQ would start a bit early because I cannot wait to hang out with you guys. Around 11:00 AM. So if you’re religious, please go to early mass. I’d hate for anyone to miss out on anything at this BBQ. Which reminds me, it’s all on a Sunday. Sundays are my husband’s day off and this BBQ is no “hubbies and kids allowed” kind of shindig.

The first half of the day is just eating and talking and soaking up the sun. We’re in California so the weather is perfect. There’s no need to fight me on this, I’m born and raised in SoCal so I guarantee the sun is shining on the beach.

Next, we’re going to take pics under a pier like old high school buddies do when they get together. Non-negotiable. WE’RE TAKING INSTAGRAM-WORTHY PICS UNDER A PIER.

So now the fun begins. We get into groups and have an all-out sand castle/sculpture challenge. Why am I pitting women against each other? Because I’m competitive and I have always wanted to build an elaborate sand castle but no one wanted to do it with me. That’s what happens when you hang out at a beach, LOL. So anyway, we’re building sand castles, y’all.

When the day dwindles down and clean up the mess we all made, we all get into our cars and head to a drive-in theater to watch a double-feature. If I’m having all of us for one day, I am keeping you guys for the WHOLE DAY.

I’d order us street tacos and popcorn (and flasks of wine) and set up a surround sound in one of the cars so we can all sit outside our cars in blankets and enjoy the movies under the stars.

Once the movies are done, we hug it out for a long time, maybe cry a little because the night is ending, and promise to plan another date at someone else’s country or state.

❤️❤️❤️

[piamii]

LA trip 1.0

On the way to sf with my mom. Since she's driving the first leg, I might as well take the chance to write about my trip so far. Can't do cuts on my phone so will be a big wall of text.

I'm really happy with everything I got to do, especially because I got to spend time with my friends. It was my goal to make this trip into a mini vacation despite interviews and the stress of travel and that goal was a success.

I kind of want to write a post later on about me and Ms process of getting back together because it was complex and very significant to me, but that's for a later time.

Monday: although I was with my mom, it was the first time I got to take care of a lot of travel details on my own. It was tedious, but I feel a lot more confident doing it on my own next trip. I was planning on preparing for interviews and relaxing when I got back to the hotel, but I decided to make an impromptu trip to meet up with H that night. That ended up being a great decision for a lot of reasons. I got to drive through the city alone at night while blasting music, which helped me feel more comfortable with the area and more confident being in a new place. I found a few new songs I really liked on xm radio, which was nice because I've never had xm radio and it's really exciting to me LOL. Second, I got to meet H and drive him around and buy him a London fog latte from Starbucks. It was really natural and casual which made me really happy. I never had any doubts about our friendship but it just confirmed that our friendship irl was pretty much exactly the way it is online, just a little more "real" now. And it's weird to think that if I do end up in LA we can hang out all the time, and if I don't then these few weeks will just remain a fond memory.

Tuesday: open house and interview #1. I would give the site a B in terms of fit. Pretty high level of anxiety, hard to fall asleep etc, as is typical for the first time doing anything. Great program but not exactly what I'm looking for. Glad their interview was my first one because it helped me prepare for the rest. After a certain point of preparation, you just can't prepare for these things anymore. I was trying to remember everything I wanted to say but didn't get to say everything I wanted to say. So after this interview I thought, fuck it. I'm good enough to do well at any of these sites so I'll end up wherever I'll end up.

Wed: hung out with H and L. I think I will always cherish this day. Hung out with H at the mall for a bit to prep for interviews, he bought me a caramel americano from coffee bean and tea leaf (delicious!), and then we hung out at the tesla superchargers for awhile. Tesla has a really nice community in SoCal- so many people came up and asked h about his car I lost count and they were all really friendly. Also I'm convinced tesla is the future, everything is just amazing about his car. Hahaha :) then we met up with L at kbbq. As expected, the interaction was easy and pleasant. I was really really happy to spend time with both of them since I've known them for almost 3 years at this point; it still feels a bit surreal that it finally happened after all the times we joked about meeting up and eating together. L got me some under eye masks to help with my dark circles <3 and we found out we couldnt eat very much for all you can eat since we only ate 3 rounds. But it was delicious and we went to get strawberry bingsu. We did h's hair at the bingsu place which was highly entertaining. And then L had to go and i had an inner conflict about whether to get Taiyaki too. I figured I wouldn't have another chance for a long time so h bought Taiyaki for me :D it was delicious and colorful and made me very haps and very cold. Overall, a very very happy day ^___^ @floflogotmojo

Thurs: interview 2 - a wtf kind of interview, but in a good way. Went to see the view by the beach and then got the best udon of my life with H spontaneously later that day. We also went to a Japanese store and H bought me melty chocolates and a cream bun. :D :D

Friday: open house 2 to correspond with interview 2. Liked the work environment way better than place 1, but still didn't have a lot of opportunities for integrated care. I would give the site an A - S for work environment and B for fit of training oppprtunties. One of my previous mentors/cotherapists is part of the current intern cohort which makes me like the place even more since I fit well with her. She invited me to drinks (that I had to decline bc of schedule conflict), which made me feel very warm and welcomed. Hung out with R in downtown LA after that. I accidentally routed to the wrong place with the exact same street name so I was 45 minutes late. We picked up some pastries and drinks and went to chat in the open mall area. It made me happy that r planned everything, I just got to walk around and enjoy the sights and environment without anxiety. Talking with R was more or less just like how we talk online. Very comfortable interaction and made me feel like our friendship has a lot of potential. I like the big sister/little brother dynamic. He treated me to sundubu and then took us to overlook the city at Griffith. Good eats and good views :) it's really nice being around a happy go lucky, open minded, and accommodating enfp; in a lot of way R is similar to my mom. I pay a lot more attention to these things now because I've become more critical and analytical about my relationships. Anyways, another happy memory made.

Saturday: I decided to spend the day with my mom. We talked a lot about family relationships and about our difficulties with communication. I think it brought us closer and was very needed. I also watched a lot of Chinese drama because I need to keep brushing up on Chinese for my interview in 2 weeks...

Overall I think 2018 will be the year of boldly growing into new experiences and culling/strengthening friendships. I'm grateful that I had the opportunity to experience so many new and happy things in the very first week of the year. To many more good memories and opportunities for growth! :)