#I was hoping today would be a good day
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I made a few new wax seal stamps out of clay (like the ones I did for my worldbuilding stuff forever ago), this time just of random symbols that I thought might look good done in the style of painting over the raised part of the wax or etc. :0c Some of them aren't carved deep enough to really show up that well, but overall they worked okay for being clay lol
#wax seal#crafts#wax stamp#stationery#Window one is kind of stinky.. I was imagining like a swirly night sky sort of looking thing so it would be a surreal contrast of a night#sky with a window in the middle that shows a daytime sky - but the silver and purple wax kind of mixed too much together#with the black and it just looks very plain black and not all that starry or anything hjbhj.. Of course the eye is probably my favorite#since all I ever do is draw eyes and still like eye imagery for some reason. The four leaf clover is very lumpy and skrunkty but also it wa#the smallest in size out of all of them so was easier to do multiple stamps of just to try it out.#The heart with eyes wax is actually more swirly in person. I wanted it to be a mix of light pink and red and white. and the wax#did kind of all blend together but in person you can definitely see MORE of the intentional swirlyness. in this it just looks plain pink.#I was going to do one eye in the heart but it looked weird. but now two seems too plain. i could have done 3?? in a pattern.. hmm#alas. I wish I could make actual metal ones. With the clay i have to paint them in a thin layer of olive oil before stamping because#otherwise the wax just kind of gets stuck in the grooves of the clay and then you can't pull it up. Very wacky ''unprofessional'' looking#set up where I'm hot gluing circles of sculpey clay to short stumps of a wooden dowel that I sawed apart with a serrated bread knife#and then using an old paintbrush to put olive oil on them whilst holding a spoon over a yankee candle flame hjbjh#ANYWAY.. I think if I were middle class/rich/etc. this would be one of the main things in my crafting room is like.. SO many colors#of wax. and all different custom made stamps designed by me. which could be much more elaborate in actual metal.. muahaha.... >:)c#RHGghhh... I actually don't want to talk much about it since (this is probably just my Obsessed With My Own World Artist Delusions) I#think I have a really cool idea for a game that could genuinely be successful if i ever get to make it and I don't want to give#everything away and spoil the whole plot/concept in hopes that one day I can actually do it - BUT - a game that I'd like to make after the#visual novel I'm making now has partially to do with the main character working as a sort of writer/scribe/artist assistant in an elven#city (set in my world/with my worldbuilding species and versions of elves and etc) and I was thinking of maybe incorporating#somehow being able to collect little writing type items like these like.. you can get different wax seal patterns or pens or etc. when I do#stuff like this in Real Life it always makes me think of that like.. ouh... this is good research.. what it shall be like to be a littol#elf collecting wax seals and such.. indeed... GRR i need to be finished with my current game NOWWW... i MUST work on other#thingss... aughh... ANYWAY.. yay. accomplishment to do One Single Thing other than Sit In The Summer Heat And Rot#though also hilarious as this was the first cool-ish day that was below 80F in a while hgvh#waking up like 'wow.. i actually feel okay today?? like I could do things?? how mysterious.. I wonder why..?? :0'' Its The Weather You Fool#Tis Always The Weather
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soft🥹
#this is LOOSELY based on a photo of the only fictional couple I’m not normal about#(scully and mulder)#bc I had to make my new obsession just like them😇😇#hope you all have a good rest of your day I am going to bed now!!!#I am EXHAUSTED I woke up at 3am😭😭😭😭😭#my dreams are often like lucid dreams and I can control most of them#but also they’re like SO VIVID I can eat sleep feel everythinf etc etc#anyways last night I dreamt I was a detective a la Morgan freeman in se7en#going after a serial killer#IT WAS SO SCARY I WOKE UP LIKE😳😳#I’ve been awake since then & I genuinely don’t even know where it came from bc like#I haven’t watched horror movies in forever I abandoned true crime years ago…#my brain was just😃#also it’s funny I did this x files drawinf today#because I started watching that show when I was TWO#my mom figured if I watched scary things from a young age I would never be scared of anything#idk what she was thinking bahahahahahahahaah (it did not work)#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy oc#hogwarts legacy mc#eloise babbit#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow fanart#sebastian sallow x mc
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baby pig at the beach 2 weeks ago. Cherish every moments 💙
#we're going to visit her at the hospital today !!#her condition is stable so we're almost out of the window where she would be showing signs for spinal necrosis (which is fatal)#thats the one that was concerning me the most so im rly relieved its going well#she doesnt rly want to eat tho...theyre thinking it might just be the pain meds making her nauseous but i think she also could be scared#so i hope that us visiting her will affirm we've not abandoned her T_T i wish i could stay with her every day#but yeah everything is looking good all things considered <3#frossworld#pochita
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they match :')
#.png#SIBLINGS!#this is what i think happens. in the future. in some distant hypothetical future that capcom refuses to acknowledge now#either because their current aa writers couldn't be at all assed to go through the past games in order to have their narratives in order#or because they went through it. and still decided it would've been funnier to throw in a siblings or dating joke#in addition to their other egregious crimes in regards to tie-in narratives for a game that is part of a SERIES#anyway yeah i think after their sibling reveal thalassa relinquishes the other bracelet to trucy#i think she's only ever kept it and not given it to trucy bc it's either the only thing that connects her to apollo#or (i've forgotten if she thought he was dead or not or if it was mentioned) she's been hoping he would find her#and recognize the bracelet. and see it's a match#i'm rambly today wow#this would've been a good day to stream my drawing process LOL#would've said all this in a vod i wouldn't keep and it'll die forever#but i didn't. so now it's in the tags mwah
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jadetham sabzeruz festival looks windblume / lantern rite
#— 𝓼𝓹𝓾𝓷 𝓯𝓻𝓸𝓶 𝓼𝓲𝓵𝓴#OMG i made these so last minute because the original file didn’t save AT ALL ! T T so it’s not as good as i hoped it would be but whatever!#i also didn’t realize today is the last day of the event O: so hurray for brushing by at the last minute yet again !!! HAHA#anywho…2 slightly different versions because i couldn’t decide ! the second one has the swirly from the event ui but i didn’t Love it ? idk#nothing too crazy because it’s nahida’s birfday :3 and also i think the rose braids are cute !#and i tried to keep the color scheme within the same sphere as the festival !#unintentional — but in hindsight….these outfits are giving house martell and tyrell muahahha just like in my GoT hcs#and also !#i looked at my old windblume + lantern rite versions n i think i’ve gotten sm better at these LOL mayb i’ll redo them if i have time hehe#⋆.༦࿑ོ⁺ 𓂃 𝓳𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓶
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waiting the same way
#carlos sainz#charles leclerc#autumn posts#this one needed its own post they're both squating and on their phones ofmgmfg CUTE#charlos feels off the charts 🙂↕️#more to post later today on my work breaks!!#many Max moments ahh gosh what a hard day for him#but coming back to finish so high despite everything?? 🔥🙂↕️#it would afford me great delight if Max would leave rbr amidst their karmatic spiral though I doubt it!! still I lack good f one foresight!#we shall see!!#many wild dreams for 2025 🙂↕️❤️✨#🙂↕️ <- also whenever I use this emoji I am thinking of the iconic Olivia Wilde nodding gif#🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️#anyways!! I gotta go!!#sending lots of good vibes out!! hope it's a good time of day wherever you may be!! 🌆🏙️🌃✨❤️
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Happy valentines! what says ‘love’ like two smelly, unwashed teen boys?
Drew this after a lovely convo with @less-depresso-more-espresso, who also gave me this song to listen to 💕 so this one’s for you bestie aha
#tmnt 2012#rasey#casey jones#raphael hamato#less-depresso-more-espresso#I love the farmhouse arc a lot actually#I think Casey went and got a few jobs on ‘local’ farms to help pay for food and bills#and April got a job helping in a shop or something she’s not very outdoorsy#and after Leo wakes up raph would start going outside#mikey looks after the animals and the farm there but we know ralh likes animals and flowers so I think he’d keep pretending to be too macho#his main jobs looking after Leo#but Casey could get him to goof off and sit in the sun and stuff#maybe raph would help chop wood or just sit near by drawing or trying to make daisy chains for mikey#something silly#anyway#I don’t do romance but I like using today as a chance to tell my friends I love them and to spend quality time snuggling my dog so#I hope everyone has a good day xxx#thank you again depresso xxx#Spotify#I tried to make this so it couldn’t be platonic but who am I kidding I sit on my friends like this all the time lmao#oh I drew this in my usual grunge way I do for 2012 and then tried to make it look softer with the same brushes so lmk if it worked
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#mine#doctor who#dwedit#david tennant#carey mulligan#giffing this again? why yes of course!!!#for the first gif... i was gonna just have the tv screen with ten moving#and everything else would have been static#but you could really tell the rest of the gif wasn't 'moving' and i didn't like that lol#so i had to cut out the 'more like a big ball' part#even though last time i could have every frame in it#since i used to cut down the gif height to 225px......#ANYWAYS#i got all the report cards done today!!#and then i went out to reward myself with a fancy hot chocolate#it was very tasty#ok good night friends!! hope you all had a good day
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hi!! so there are a lot of improbabilities that make this hypothetical unlikely but: if kabru had met toshiro first & recruited him (toshiro being so passive + not with a clear goal would have helped there & kabru is ptsd-driven but very noble in his goals which can be explained) AND they got all the way down to the bottom (idk if i believe in them...but hypothetically!) would the winged lion find either of them to be a good target for next dungeon lord? one over the other? im thinking kabru has the intensity and complexity of desire necessary but i can't imagine what it would look like if he became lord of the dungeon. do you have any thoughts?
Good morning. This is a very fun thought experiment!
(side note: I got a second anon this morning with a very similar request? not sure if related. I'm gonna let this answer speak for both of them)
Toshiro sure would have had a different time of it if Kabru had gotten to him first, huh? On the one hand, Toshiro seems to like Kabru; I think it's sweet that Kabru seems to gravitate towards hanging out with him when he isn't with the rest of the main cast. So they probably would've been good in a party together.
On the other hand, Toshiro never would have met Falin and fallen in love with her. Even if she didn't reciprocate in the end, I don't think he regrets anything that happened. Even his difficult friendship with Laios was ultimately positive (for both of them!).
They definitely would not have made it to the deeper floors, I think Senshi is crucial to achieving that ... but this is a hypothetical.
I'm puzzling over the question of Toshiro, because he is a secondary character and there's only so much we know about his motivations. His big one in canon is to save Falin, even if it means all he can do is put her to rest. Without that, without her, what sort of desires does he have?
Toshiro originally came to the Island because of a demand from his father: for one of his three sons to find "something interesting" enough on their travels to bring back home that would convince their capricious bastard father to make them his heir over the others. So they're all off on their separate training journeys with their respective retainers with the added caveat that they can't return without something to impress their father. It's implied that after falling in love with Falin, Toshiro had wanted to bring back home a wife.
Since he's said to inherit the family after he returns home without her anyway, I've been assuming that the "thing" Toshiro ended up bringing to Toshitsugu Nakamoto was the story of the dungeon, the demon, and his friend Laios, king of a risen country and Devourer of All Things Horrible.
Anyway, the things we know about Toshiro's home life are kind of fucked. It's amazing he turned out to be so nice. He's always been a shy, sensitive person, and he was sickly as a child; Maizuru cared for him despite her spymaster duties and ended up filling a motherly role for him, even though Toshiro's mother is still alive. Historically, it wasn't uncommon for noble children to be raised more closely by their governesses/household retainers than their parents, so perhaps something similar was happening here (disclaimer that I don't know much about feudal Japan specifically).
We know that Maizuru loves Toshiro and dotes on him, but she's also very strict and frankly terrifying; she used the same Hag summon that she was monitoring Izutsumi with on Toshiro as a child just to keep him from wandering off. We also know that when he found out that Maizuru was having an affair with his father, it put a distance between them. Whether this is because he felt betrayed on his mother's behalf or because he dislikes his father that much, or something else, is unclear.
Toshiro was childhood friends with Hien, but as they got older, she had to take his place as one of his retainers, which seems to have severed that closeness. Canonically, he isn't close to his two younger brothers either. Toshitsugu literally bought Inutade and Izustumi (the latter as a drunken "gift" for Maizuru!). We see that Toshiro is uncomfortable with this, but doesn't know how to approach the issue. He lets Izutsumi go the second she's out of sight for five minutes, which implies to me that he really wanted the excuse to do so. Inutade is harder, because she loves being with the Nakamoto family and hero-worships Toshiro's father.
...all this to say, Toshiro has complicated relationships with his family and household. There's love there, but also a lot of coldness enforced by the upper-class need for propriety. Toshiro falls in line and acts as the proper stoic samurai, but he chafes at this; he envies Laios's gift for feeling and expressing things openly and readily. I think that's what the Winged Lion would prey on, given the chance.
I don't think he would be prime dungeon lord material, but if it came to that, I could see the Lion tempting Toshiro with a kinder vision of his life, one where he and his little brothers weren't pitted against one another, where his family was warmer, where there weren't barriers of class between him and his retainers, where he was allowed to be more himself.
Now ... Kabru.
Kabru is interesting because, since his ultimate goal is to seal the dungeon and eradicate monsters, I imagine that meeting a demon would be like a guy who's given a genie and wants to wish for no more genies. And if said genie is trying to take over the world via wishes, the genie is a bit screwed. I really think that Kabru is the character who would stump the demon(s) the most, despite his complex desires, because they are antithetical to the demon. Laios also had complex desires, but the Winged Lion lured him and set him up as the hero of a fake prophecy because a lot of Laios's desires revolved around monsters, so his wants aligned perfectly with the demon's methods. Oh you want monsters? That's great, they're the things I use to solve most of my problems anyway.
Even in the absence of prior knowledge of demons, I think Kabru's back would be up as soon as the Winged Lion tried speaking to him. Kabru's insight is almost preternatural, and he's well-versed in persuasive speaking thanks to his own silver tongue. He would mistrust the Lion immediately, especially considering its monster-like form.
Giving the demons bestial appearances is an artistic choice on Kui's part, so I don't think there's any indication that the Winged Lion & co can't look human, but the Lion might have been constrained both by Thistle's seals on it and the need to maintain the lie that it's just the innocent guardian deity of the Golden Country. If it could, I think it would try to look less monstrous, with Kabru.
Still, the point of the demons, I see, is that anyone can be tempted, anyone can be manipulated, because we are all full of buried desires that can be unearthed, and wanting things and having to defend them make you susceptible to manipulation.
Consider what Mithrun told Kabru: they keep the knowledge of demons secret because knowing the truth would not stop people from trying to have their wishes granted. After all, Mithrun was a Canary, but he fell for its temptation anyway. I've seen people characterize this as a sort of rock bottom decision, and maybe that's true, but I also pin it on his toxic inferiority/superiority complex. That's exactly the kind of thing that makes you think you're built different.
Would Marcille have stopped before unsealing the Winged Lion if Mithrun(/Kabru) had actually gotten to sit down with her for five minutes and explain why becoming dungeon lord would be a very bad idea? Maybe. Or maybe her desperation, and her own pride, would have made her decide that she knew better, that she'd be careful, that she'd go in with a plan and definitely get what she wanted with no dire consequences.
I think Kabru could be desperate enough to make a similar decision, even if his desires were antithetical to the demon. And the demons have an advantage over the aforementioned genie simile: their ability to eat desires.
If the Winged Lion were smart, it wouldn't let Kabru seal it away like Thistle. Given the opportunity, its best chance for dealing with Kabru would have been to immediately eat his desire to stop another Utaya.
I'm gonna plug this wonderful and tragic little one-shot someone wrote recently about the dungeon lord Kabru hypothetical: This place is not a place of honor.
#oh my god someone fucking shoot me with a tranq dart PLEASE#Dungeon Meshi spoilers#dungeonposting#musings with Dea#I hope someone writes a hypothetical party comp switch AU fic one day#like Laios's own AU of getting eaten in Falin's stead#and Falin going in to rescue him ... but what if Marcille came with her? and Toshiro? and they met Senshi?#or an idea I've mentioned before: Laios and Kabru would be an excellent tank/DPS combo#Kabru's party is really cohesive and good at fighting! they just don't have monster knowledge#if Laios were there to point Kabru's blades in the right direction he'd be absolutely lethal#anyway. hope this scratched that itch a bit!#sorry I didn't include more visual aids here I'm struggling today#Dea answers#Dea's anonymous friends
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₊‧° 𝓣𝓸𝓭𝓪𝔂, 𝓘 𝓪𝓶 𝓖♡𝓭 °‧₊
𝒯𝑜𝓂𝑜𝓇𝓇𝑜𝓌… 𝓌𝒽𝑜 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌𝓈?
#jirai kei#landmine kei#jirai onna#dark girly kei#my.jpg#j fashion#tw vent in tags#went to the mall to take some photos today#I’m in a weird mood today#I just want the day to be over#my bf is out of town and my anxiety has gotten so bad that im just hoping I fall asleep soon#im so overwhelmed#im so stressed#for no reason even#like nothing is wrong everything is okay today was good#so why am I crying???#I think I’m just permanently stressed and anxious now I think I broke myself or something#but he’ll be back on Friday#so I just have to try to breathe real deep and go to bed#I hope my cats snuggle with me they aren’t in the bedroom right now#usually Loki would be here by now /:
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Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship
#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it#it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper#provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the#interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after#50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked#his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it#he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from#when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has#his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever#but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how#we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe#cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna#back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed#practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence#we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one#who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted#to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say#goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art.#you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea?#if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa#the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding#his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.
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Merry Crispmouse, have some Bean cookies
Pep made some for all his friends, and that includes us!!!
#oc: bean#sona tag#oc: fake bean#I would have added them to the og post but honestly I didn't think about it kjgkdf#so here they are now#this might be the only thing I draw today bc I am tired and out of ideas#but I hope folks are having or have had a good day today!
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I loved the cowboy comic so much that I wrote a oneshot for it. https://archiveofourown.org/works/50934235 🥺 your art is BEYOND amazing, ty for the food
INCREDIBLE!!!!!
#billdip#I honestly loved this story start to finish with the ambience and quick pace#hadn't considered the possibility of Bill and Dipper actually working *together* but it's always a good time when they do ❤️#sorry it took so long to reblog 🥲#I read it like- Right when you posted. But I had to catch a plane and then drive an extra hour home and immediately get on zoom for class#and today i was just all around exhausted so i slept roughly 70% of the entire day dndsjdndnd#all that to say that I had your fic in the back of my mind and I very much wanted to set some time aside and re-read it when I got the chan#honestly with how well you set things up I would've loved to see your own rendition of their first kiss#You established their relationship really well at the start and brought them together by the end after outsmsrtong those bandits#it feels like you have a better understanding of who they are to each other than even i do 😌 very much a fan#i love when stories incorporate those sort of 'habits' that the love interests fall into#that confuses character A while character B is so clearly using it as an excuse to get close and spend more time with them#i squealed like a maniac when Bill was like oooph lemme walk you home 😏🤠#sir i am going to wrangle you up if you don't compose yourself#and Dipper's just wary of him because people as handsome as bill used to pick on him 😢#little does he know he's grown into a 10/10 cutie patootie that any cowboy would be stupid NOT to smooch#I'm a simple man. I read oblivious low-confidence cowboy being pursued by a hottie on a horse. I lose my shit#Awesome wonderful writing!!! so happy to have caught your eye and i hope to continue pumping out content for this wonderfully weird ship
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the mourn watch background gives you such a GIFT in having other characters notice and call out on-screen that rook code switches like a motherfucker. the whiplash of hearing my snarky 'heeey I'm just a little guy! :>' funnyman rook speak the heightened ritualized phrases of the mourn watch with perfect seriousness and gravity completely naturally and/or break into an academic tone that can keep up with emmrich at the drop of a hat never stops giving me such endless delight. truly their real mind is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside some hideous mourn watch casual wear
#that last one was just for comedic purposes rye would NEVER wear the mourn watch casual wear willingly#he hated the new livery so much he hoarded every pair of the older watcher robes he could hunt down so they'd tide him over#in the hopes that the next uniform design would be less awful. he is a fancyboy at heart. he should be wearing so many earrings#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#A Watcher's work is never done#rye's whole deal is half built on the feeling of 'we've had a lot of fun here today folks. but at the end of the day I have given my oath#and I mean to fulfil it. so either help me do that or get out of my fucking way' that sort of naturally rises out of this contrast#and everyone who has for a moment doubted his complete seriousness and sincerity about it so far has ended up much deeper#than six feet under by the end of it all haha#I've found I've actually been able to build a really good sense of character here (with some reloading to see different options#to be sure lol I am a control freak) -- mixing in a stoic response in certain situations for example can inform so much with so little#and the contrast works out to be so much greater.#just this sense of a layer of levity and awkwardness on top of an immense and unflinching seriousness#that sometimes shines through. it's uh. it's been really good for me
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here's a rose sketch!
(just wanted to take the moment and say thank you people for the support on my posts ^^! )
#drdt#rose lacroix#unexpectedly one of my art got 100+ notes and im still shocked about that.. i appreciate that people like my art!#i was trying to practice coloring with this sketch :). wanted to make her skin color and hair color slightlyyyy more ''colder''#if that makes sense.. anyways this was a good ouppurnity to try to sketch my stylization of her. im still working on it but!!!#i think she looks kind of cute here and almost how i would stylize her! im thinking about making her eyes closer to c/rona's eyes#or well. basically more closer to her offical eye design/shape because well. they kind of (slightly) look like c/rona's eyes?#if you guys dont know im talking about c/rona from s/oul e/ater#(not trying to make this pop up in other fandom tags so im censoring names with a slash)#anyways im hoping to plan and/or finish some art today and tomorrow... i do have a day off on monday after all#okay im going to shut up now haha
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it’s like. i love being trans. and also if there was a loving god he wouldn’t do this to me
#usually my mental illness is emotional Nothingness. when i take wellbutrin i can feel again!#and when the wellbutrin loses efficacy i keep the feeling but lose the good ones so i just unlock Regular Depression. which fucking Sucks#and a couple weeks ago i ran out of t gel and it is a controlled substance so they wouldn’t give me my refill until the full 60 days were up#which meant i had to be off t for like a week. and i was so so hopeful that it wouldn’t do anything to me.#but it restarted my cycle so i’m bleeding rn. and it is so fucking awful#it Hurts and it feels Humiliating and Wrong#cramps and stomach issues And dysphoria and bleeding. nothing more evil to do to me right now#and it’s worse cause i was done with that. i literally GOT RID OF IT. I PUT THE WORK IN. I WAS FREE.#but i couldn’t have my medicine and now i no longer control my own body. horrifying. so horrifying#wore a kind of ill fitting binder today too and it kickstarted Other dysphoria on the drive home so. messed up rn.#i just want to be able to live my life man. i want to have a body that looks and functions like me#and can feel things and do things#and doesn’t subject me to hurt in multiple multiple ways. that would be really cool.#genuinely it does not fucking matter if god loves me. cause if this is what i go through when he loves me#then i don’t want his fucking love.#i hope god kills himself actually#i want to wake up and just be able to put a shirt on and leave the house. can you imagine a fucking world#gonna try nd sleep for like five minutes and then go to dinner with my mom. i can be okay. i can be stronger than my struggles#i just need to be really fucking angry with god.#great time to be reading paradise lost#valentine notes
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