#I was avoiding messaging him because I didn't know how to end it myself

[thrina-thrina-on-the-wall]

he used the one view only feature of WhatsApp as a final goodbye. I don't have the video or the picture and I never will. It hits hard.

[honeyawa]

cherry kisses and bites +

( featuring ) gojo satoru.

"shoko, oh my god- shoko!"

you're panicking. your fingers are tapping on the table repetitively. your heart is going on a marathon. you're pacing around your room, waiting for shoko to pick up the phone after 5 continuous calls. the time reads 10:13 pm on a saturday night, which makes you wonder: what could she be doing that is so important over her best friend's possible death?

left to your own devices and the incessant notifications from your phone, notifying that both gojo satoru and geto suguru have messaged you, with the occasional calls that you stared at until they were gone.

it was safe to say your life took the "god gave the toughest fights to his strongest soldiers" a bit too hard after all this fiasco.

i mean, what led you to not check on who you were texting before sending an impressive amount of messages all about your-man-who-doesn't-know-he's-your-man (gojo)? the information being handled was of high value! all for it to be wasted in less than 3 minutes because you actually texted your-man-who-doesn't-know-he's-your-man (gojo) instead of your best friend, and now he knows that you like him!

with your phone across the room because you couldn't trust yourself not to peek at the hundreds of messages waiting to be read, all you could do was wait impatiently until shoko picks up. which turns out to be one of the hardest things you've done to the point where you wouldn't be surprised if you turned into a madman at the end of the night—

"confessing on text is crazy, but hey at least you got the job done, right?"

ah, she picked up.

"if you don't see me tomorrow," you pause, considering using all your money and buying plane tickets to travel across the country because you aren't a confrontational person, at all. "just know that i'm dead and i'm gone or i left the country."

"no you won't. plus, you don't even know if he likes you back or not because i know you haven't checked the messages."

"i don't need to know. i'm not—" you cut yourself off after processing what she first said when she picked up. "wait… how do you even know what happened?!"

"we will cross the bridge when we come to it," she responds, though not really responding to the question because she's avoiding it. "nuh uh! tell me how you know!" she's hiding something from you, and you know it. luckily, it doesn't take that long for you to connect the dots together. "were you on a call with them?"

she stays quiet.

aha! talk about accuracy. shoko never stays quiet unless she was found out. you couldn't believe it. your best friend, the one supposed to be with you through the highs and lows, through the thick and thin, was being friendly to the now turned enemy while you were on a crisis?!

"shoko…" cue a sniffle from you, "how could you do this to me?" (okay, maybe you were being a little dramatic, but they don't call you the drama queen for nothing!) you could tell she was starting to get annoyed by that sigh she just let out. it was just a matter of time until she snaps on the low key and gives you an order.

and that moment starts in 3…

2..

1..

"just shut the fuck up and check the messages from him." a beep comes shortly after.

.

..

…

oh, okay.

you're being fed straight to the sharks (or shark in your case). okay. wow. you just can't believe this. was she hoping for your downfall that much? ouch. with no one else left to be your emotional support, you have to give yourself courage to finally check what he sent you.

you take a huge gulp, and with shaky fingers, you slowly press on your texts.

unexpectedly, it felt like a giant rock was lifted off your back. the first messages you read didn't contain any "i'm sorry but i don't feel the same way" "you're like a sister to me" "i want to focus on myself" "i only see you as a friend" etc. it did, however, contain many variations of "OPICK UP THE PHONE" "i know you see this." "Text Me Back." texts.

one that did manage to catch your eye was the "watch out. i'm coming to your house right now." wait, he's not actually coming to your house right? (he most definitely is.)

you think your eyes are about to fall out of their sockets.

the feeling of relief that just came by? vanished. crushed. obliterated. annihilated. it feels like everything is back to step one, fuck. what could be better than calling your dear friend shoko once more and start ranting again? nothing. so you went ahead and just did that.

"the person you tried to reach is not available, your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system."

you think you might just cry.

to make matters worse, at that very moment, someone rang your doorbell. finger crossed and chanting "it's not satoru" over and over again, you clench your eyes and hope that it is indeed not gojo satoru.

but life seemed to have something against you, as you hear a very familiar voice talking to your mom, the voice of the one person you didn't want to see right now.

who is it? well, ladies, gentlemen, and non-binary folks, it appears to be gojo satoru! (is the world revolving around him now?)

oblivious to the quiet footsteps marching up the stairs, you mull about where to hide. maybe under your bed? no, that's too freaking obvious, plus you don't know if you would still fit after all those years. the closet seemed to be a fine choice until you realize that's the second most obvious place to hide too.

deep into thinking, you seem to have forgotten that the enemy is quite literally in your house, and in front of your bedroom door no less.

baam! your door swings open with enough force to send you flying and landing on your ass.

"why didn't you say anything!?" alright! straight to the point! and by shouting too!

"what the fuck do you mean?!" you shout back, matching his tone and everything in between, which is laced with confusion because you weren't really the one to catch things from the get-go.

"i mean," he starts and pauses, you notice that his chest is rising and falling at a quick pace. he must've ran here. (deep breaths gojo.) "why didn't you tell me that you liked me back for 4 whole years?"

"maybe because i didn't want to get rejected and throw away what we had?"

"well, why did you think you were going to get rejected?" he questioned. it seemed like he was implying that he does like you and this is not just a one-sided romance, seemed like..

but, did he say it outright? no. thus why you're still assuming he doesn't like you. you're no delusional bitch.

"um, maybe, just maybe, because you don't like me?" (you really got the dragging effect on the second maybe, it was perfect, from duration to pronunciation too.)

okay. why is he blankly looking at you now? as if you said the most out-of-pocket thing ever. why does it seem like everyone is judging you all of a sudden?!

"wait so, you mean, you still haven't gotten the hint yet?"

"does i look like a pirate on a treasure hunt for you to be talking about hints? might as well give me that uma costume and a map too." your arms are crossed, you're leaning to the left, and your right foot is repetitively tapping against the floor.

(gojo had a laughing fit when you did that.)

"sorry queen, i take that back." after every word, he giggles like a newborn when they see you embarrassing yourself in front of them. "what i meant to say was, i do like you back!"

"nuh uh."

"the fuck you mean 'nuh uh'?"

"wheres the camera at? i need to make sure i was photogenic during the whole video!"

"there is no camera. im hurt you think i would do something like this to you" his hands are covering the area where his heart was unless it decided to travel and go to his eyelids just for him to randomly feel the pulse at a place it shouldn't be.

"oh!" okay wait, so he did like you... you feel like everything is a fever dream right now, or that you're about to faint. you can't tell the difference.

"can i kiss you? you look so cute right now." hes currently squishing and pulling your cheeks so you can't say things properly. what you can do though, is bite (or try to) his hand the next time he goes in for an attack. ow!

"eat a cherry before."

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀꒰͡ ⠀ ִ 𝒩 𝑜 𝓉 𝑒 𝓈 ⠀ׂ ⠀ ͡꒱

gojo, did infact, eat a cherry

“its too early!!” yall known eachother since the womb and acted like a couple for 4 years. it speaks enough.

if you havent noticed by now, you are oblivious. so very much so it make sashisu want to throw you on a train track and watch you get ran over (affectionately)

you were actually studying for an upcoming exam until you decided to take a little 1 hour break! (it was originally a 15 minute break but tiktok flirted with you saur..)

your mother was actually leaving when gojo came so she wasnt there with experience all the shouting

you think she wouldve thought you guys broke up (you were never together) and wouldve bought you anything you wanted + ice cream

getos messages are still left unread. (next time you see him your gonna catch it on SITE)

[smoooothoperator]

What Was I Made For?

06: I Can Do It With A Broken Heart

Charles Leclerc x driver!OC (Dafne Morelli)

childhood enemies, forced proximity, accidental pregnancy, enemies to lovers

Warnings: time skip (three months), Sebastian Stan, race inchident, crash, hospital

a/n: Hiiii!!!How is your life going??? I have to thank my lovely @alltoomaples for being the beta reader of this chapter :3 thank you!! And I just have to warn that this is the start of the real deal!

Masterlist

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If you want to be tagged don't forget to message me!

Every way of feedback is very welcomed

3 months later. Abu-Dhabi GP.

“Are you sure it's okay if we're seen together?”

After that charity event, where I had an anxiety attack and Sebastian came to help me, the two of us somehow got closer. We exchanged numbers and he texted me every day asking me how I was doing, if I felt better or if I had an anxiety attack again. And that concern turned into something more as weeks passed by, ending in something like a situationship.

“Of course. They should mind their own business” I smiled. “You came to support me”

He smiled and nodded, pressing a light kiss on my head and grabbing his backpack, getting ready to leave the hotel room to go to the track.

Avoiding Charles in Maranello was easy, I only had to look at the schedule and go whenever he wasn't there or even being in the same building but making sure I didn't see him at all. During race weeks was harder, because our garages were next to each other and the team briefings were in the same room, but that didn't stop me from sitting on the other side of the table and ignoring him.

And now that the season was finally ending, I could finally breathe in peace knowing that the only time I'll see him after this race is going to be at the team dinner.

I got out of the hotel room with Sebastian behind me holding my hand, squeezing it softly as we walked towards the elevator. The last three months with him were amazing, he always supported me even if he had to be away filming, sending me gifts or calling me before a race.

“This is the last race of the season, right?” he asked. “Why don't we go somewhere to have a week alone, only the two of us? Maybe somewhere warm?”

“That sounds amazing” I smiled looking at him, pressing a kiss on his cheek and hugging his arm.

If someone ever told me that I could do something like this with the one and only Sebastian Stan, I would tell them that they had drugs on their drink. But here I am, waking up next to him some mornings and feeling his touch all over my body.

I knew there were rumors about us. Some people somehow connected dots and started saying that Sebastian and I were dating. And the comments are everything but good. I had haters all over my career, but since that night of September the hate started to get worse, making fans get creative and make comments about everything I did: be with someone older than me, going to fashion events, trying to start a clothing brand. 

“You are tense” Sebastian said while we walked towards my car. 

“I'm okay, it's just… I'm tired” I smiled weakly. “It's been a long season, all I need is to rest”

“Are you sure?” he sighed. “It's just… Lately you've been so tired, Dafne. And I worry about you”

“Don't worry, really” I smiled, squeezing his hand softly. “After this race I'm all yours, okay?”

He smiled softly and nodded, kissing my temple and getting in the Ferrari. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, preparing myself for what is about to come once I'm near the track. I swallowed thickly, feeling tears burning my eyes and the knot of my neck not letting me breathe. 

I can do this, just one more day. I can handle this. Another day or hearing the crowd roaring, engineers talking to me asking me to push more and more, fake smiles to the photographers. Just one more day until I can disappear for a while and come back stronger to fight Charles.

I sighed, opening the door and sitting on the driver seat, looking at Sebastian and smiling weakly. This will be the first time he will come to a race, and even if we made clear to the other that what we had right now was everything we wanted, I was still nervous about what people would think and assume, how he would react to the hate.

“It will be okay, yeah?” he smiled looking at me, placing his hand on my knee and squeezing it softly. “The race will end before you know it and then you won't have to be around him for some months”

I smiled weakly and nodded, driving towards the track. My grip on the steering wheel is tight, with my mind working nonstop about the different scenarios of what will happen once my car appears near the track, with all those fans there waiting for the drivers. Will they be respectful? Will they scream profanities? Will they hate seeing Sebastian next to me? The hate will be towards me or towards him? 

I clenched my jaw when I started to see all the people behind the barriers, taking pictures of the cars that drove in front of them, calling the names of the drivers. I recognized Lando's car in front of mine, and I could hear the fans calling him, excited to see him. But when I drove pass them, the turned their heads to look at the car behind me.

“God, not even taking pictures of this beauty?” Sebastian said, trying to cut the tension. “Come on, this car is amazing, when will be the next time they'll see a Ferrari Roma?”

“This is Abu Dhabi, Seb” I smiled weakly. “They have supercars in every corner…”

I looked at him smiling weakly. I know he tries to cheer me up, but it's not the first time they do this. I'm already used to being ignored.

“My family will be in the hospitality during the race, you want to be with them?” I asked him, changing the subject.

“Don't mind me, I love your family, they are great” he smiled. “But… I want to be in the garage. I-if that's okay with you, of course. I want to experience a race inside of the garage”

“Yeah of course” I smiled. “You'll have to stay in the back, but… Yeah, sure”

He smiled and nodded, biting his lip and looking at the front.

What people will if they see him in the garage? What will media say? 

I swallow thickly and park the car, taking deep a deep breath before opening the door. Sebastian got out after me, looking all the time at me. I grabbed my backpack and locked the car, looking around. 

“Go ahead” Sebastian smiled, nodding. “I'll be okay. It's just scanning the pass and then I have to walk to the big red building, right?”

“Yeah” I nodding, grabbing tightly the backpack. “I'll see you there”

I took a deep breath and walked away, wanting to go back and kiss his lips, but I knew people had their cameras ready to picture every move I made. So, instead of that, I walked alone with the biggest fake smile I could make, scanning my pass and walking through the paddock, letting the photographers take pictures of me. 

Chin up, bitch smile, walk straight.

During most part of the day I felt nauseous. And my chest hurt. 

“Probably your period will come soon” my sister Soleil said. “You want me to give you some vitamins?”

“Yeah, sure” I nodded, moving my shoulders in circles to warm up. “And give me a cold jacket before I go to the anthem”

The last few days I have been feeling weird, true. My breasts were more sensitive and I felt swollen. 

“Thank God this is the last race if the season” I sighed.

Sebastian was out of my room with the rest of my family while Soleil helped me get ready for the race. I looked at myself in the mirror and sighed, slipping the fireproof shirt inside the leggings.

“Yeah, probably it's the period” I sighed looking at my abdomen. 

I walked out of the room with the suit hanging on my hips, grabbing the bottle of water and walking towards my family and Sebastian. I saw Charles' family near, and I just smiled weakly at them before hugging Sebastian.

“You ready?” he smiled, kissing the top of my head and rubbing my back. 

“Yeah, I'm just a little nauseous” I smiled weakly. “Probably I shouldn't have eaten that yogurt from earlier…”

“I'm sure it's nothing” my mom smiled. “You always get nervous in the last race of the season, is normal”

I nodded and smiled weakly, hugging Sebastian tighter as he rubbed my back, comforting me. 

I heard Charles walking out of his room and I tensed immediately. I can't avoid him always, we are in the same team, even if we hate it.

“I have to go make the team photos” I sighed, kissing Sebastian's jaw. “The race is in an hour, you can go to the garage now”

“Okay” he smiled kissing my forehead.

I smile looking at him walk away, biting my lip when I heard my sisters giggling. I rolled my eyes and grab the helmet Erica was holding for me.

“What would say the Dafne of a year ago?” she smirked.

“About what?” I laughed.

“Well, look at you and Sebastian” she smiled. 

“Yeah, well” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “We are not dating”

“Yet” she smirked.

“We are too busy for that” I sighed.

I walked out of the hospitality and went towards the garage, smiling weakly when I saw Sebastian already with a headset hanging on his neck. I walked towards him and smiled.

“You'll be okay here?” I asked him.

“Of course I'll be” he smiled, holding my helmet while I zipped the suit. “Smile, okay?”

“Yeah” I sighed, smiling weakly and grabbing the helmet, following all the workers that were walking towards the stands where the picture will be taken.

Charles was already there, following me with his eyes. He was already sitting in the tyre of his car, with his helmet resting on his thigh. I ignored his eyes and sat on the tyre of my car, looking at the camera with my helmet on my thigh, wishing this would end fast so I could take a lap on my car to place it on the grid. 

“Are you okay?”

I frown, turning my head slowly and looking at Charles standing next to me. I laughed loudly, standing up. Did he really ask that?

“As if you cared” I laughed. 

“You look pale. If you get sick today it won't be good for the team” he frowned.

“Mind your own shit, Leclerc” I said. “What I do is none of your business”

I walked away fast before he could talk to me more, not wanting to interact with him at all. I got inside of my car and after the track was clear, I drive to the postion I'm starting the race. 

But things do not always go how I planned. The moment I got out of the car he was already there, looking at me with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

“Fuck off” I groaned. 

“I heard you throw up this morning, Morelli” he frowned. “Remember our rooms are next to the other”

“So? Am I not allowed to feel sick?” I scoffed.

“Today is an important race for the team, Dafne!” he exclaimed. “If we want to keep the second position of the championship we have to be in the podium. And if you are not feeling well, that won't happen”

“Come on, don't make me laugh” I frowned. “I drove multiple races having the period, with cramps making me want to get out of the fucking car and curl in my bed! And did I do it? No, right? So shut the fuck up, focus on your own race and leave me alone”

I groaned, hugging the helmet and starting to walk away. But again, he's not satisfied with making me mad, so he keeps opening his mouth.

“Why did you bring that dude?”

I frown, turning around on my heels and frowning. 

“Oh, now we are talking about my private life?” I laughed. 

“He's too old for you” he frowned. 

“Oh my God, shut up!” I exclaimed, walking closer to him. “Do you have something else to say? At least I am with someone that has a brain and a job and doesn't need my money to be someone. Oh, and he is way better in bed than you, asshole”

I saw him clenching his jaw as well as his fist, and I knew that it hurt him. Groaning, I turned around and walked towards the garage to have one last meeting with my engineers to have everything ready before the race.

I walked towards Sebastian once the meeting was done and he welcomed me with that shy smile he always has. He was on my side of the garage, opening his arms slowly as I walked closer to him.

“Are you ready?” he asked, wrapping his arms around my waist while I hugged his neck, playing with the baby hairs of his nape. 

“I am” I sighed. “And you?”

“I’m excited to see my girl being an absolute badass out there” he smiled, making me freeze after I heard those words.

“Your girl?” I whisper. “S-Seb…”

“I know” he sighed, pressing his lips on my forehead. “We’ll talk after this, okay? Come back to me with the big trophy”

“I will” I smiled, playing with the hair of his nape and standing on my tip toes to press a fast kiss on his lips. “I have to go”

“Yeah” he smiled. “You’ll do amazing”

He unwrapped his arms from my waist, pressing another soft kiss on my lips before I walked away, with Soleil joining me on the grid.

“And that big smile?” she teased me, handing me the cold jacket and helping me put it.

“Well, Sebastian called me his girl” I chuckled softly. “I think tonight we are going to talk about… Well, us”

“Finally! Arthur owes me money!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands.

“What? Did you make a bet with him? Why?” I frowned, confused, but somehow that smile didn’t disappear from my lips.

“Because it was obvious you two would end up together” she said. “He said it was going to be during the winter break, but I just said that it was going to be for sure tonight after the race”

“Idiots” I laughed, shaking my head.

The national anthem played, and I took my position alongside the other drivers. My mind was a spiral of thoughts and emotions. The weight of the season, the pressure of the race, and the looming conversation with Sebastian were all battling for dominance in my head. But most of all, I felt an inexplicable sense of unease in my body.

As the anthem concluded, my dizziness started creeping into my body. I blinked hard, trying to focus on the task ahead. Just one more race and I will rest.

The cars roared to life, and the anticipation in the air was electric. I strapped myself into my seat, hands gripping the wheel. Sebastian's words echoed in my mind, giving me a strange mix of comfort and determination. I glanced towards the garage, knowing he would be there, biting his lip like he always does when he’s nervous about something.

The race started, and I pushed all doubts aside. My car flew down the track, driving through the early chaos of the race with precision. But as the laps progressed, the dizziness got worse. Each turn required more concentration, each acceleration felt more hard.

On the 44th lap, I found Esteban Ocon in front of me. He had to let me pass because he had the blue flag. But he was fighting me, defending like he was defending his position.

“What the hell is he doing?” I groaned. “He has to let me pass! Fucking idiot!”

“Stay calm, Dafne. We sent the report to the stewards” my engineer said.

Some seconds after he seemed to understand that he couldn't fight, maybe he even received a penalty, so I just drove next to him, showing him my middle finger as I overtook him.

But then it happened.

He didn't give me enough space, making his front wing clip my rear tire, sending my car spinning out of control. I struggled to regain control, but the dizziness made it nearly impossible. The world around me tilted and swayed, the track blurring as I fought with the steering wheel.

I hit the barriers hard, the impact shaking my entire body. Pain exploded in my head, and the last things I remembered were the deafening sound of crunching metal, the voices of my engineer and Fred in my ears and the crowd screaming terrified before everything went black.

The sound of the beeping of a machine next to me was the first thing I heard when I started to wake up. Then I held the weight of another hand holding mine. When I started to take deep breaths, the smell of hospital and Sebastian's perfume filled my lungs, making me open my eyes and search for him with my eyes.

“S-Seb” I croaked, feeling a wave of pain in my neck when I moved my head.

“You are awake” he said softly, relief flooding his voice.

“What…”

“You had a crash” he sighed, smiling weakly. “Ocon lost control of his car and crashed into you… You've been unconscious for some hours, Daf…”

“The race” I mumbled, nervous.

 “There was a red flag” he explained, rubbing my hand softly. “Until they took your car out of if the barriers and they translated you to the helicopter”

“Who won? The championship…” I mumbled concerned. “We lost it…”

“Fuck the championship. You could have died, Dafne” he sighed. 

I swallowed thickly, looking away and closing my eyes, the memories coming back in fragments, repeating in my mind over and over again. The race, the dizziness, the impact.

“My family?” I whispered, swallowing thickly.

“I sent them to the hotel” he sighed. “They have been here since you arrived and they needed to rest, Dafne. I'll call them later, okay?”

Some minutes later, after Sebastian pressed a button, a doctor entered the room with a middle-aged woman with kind eyes and a reassuring smile, holding a file and pressing it against her chest.

"Miss Morelli, how are you feeling?" the doctor asked, checking the monitors.

“Like I got hit by a truck” I sighed, smiling weakly.

“It's totally understandable. You had a severe concussion and some minor injuries, but nothing too serious" he said. "However, there is something else we need to discuss. We ran some tests to make sure everything was okay after the crash”

“Okay… and? How did they come out?” I asked confused, nervously.

“You are pregnant” the woman said, opening her file and showing me what looked like an ultrasound. “Three months pregnant, to be more precise”

“W-what?” I mumbled.

 "The baby seems to be doing fine despite the crash, but you'll need to take it easy for a while.”

Pregnant. No. No, it can't be. Sebastian and I always used protection. Always. And I am on the pill.

“It's imposible” I said, looking at Sebastian and then back at the doctors. “No, I'm sure it's a mistake. I can't be pregnant. I'm on the pill! We use protection!”

“There are many possibilities, Miss Morelli” the woman said. “The condom could break… I saw in your medical file that you've got prescripted some antibiotics three months ago because of a throat infection. The antibiotics can take down the effects of the pill…”

The woman kept talking and talking, Sebastian's grip in my hand was tighter. But my mind only could repeat that scene from three months ago. 

“Please, leave me alone” I mumbled, making the woman stop talking. 

She and the other doctor nodded and walked out, closing the door behind them.

Three months. My mind raced, trying to piece it together. The timing... it couldn't be. My heart pounded in my chest, and I felt a mixture of emotions swirling inside me. Anger, disgust, fear, panic.

“Talk to me” I heard Sebastian whisper, squeezing my hand again. “Dafne, please say something”

“I don't know what to say” I whisper, feeling my throat closing with panic.

“We can do this together, okay?” he smiled weakly. “Maybe this wasn't how we wanted, but… God, Dafne, the past few months made me realize that I really like you”

“Sebastian…”

“I know it's not the perfect timing, but I promise I will take care of you two, hm? I can take a break from filming, we can… We can buy a house, what do you think? So our baby can grow up happy. Yeah, we can do that. We will live together, hm?”

“Sebastian”

He's going to hate me. 

“And I know you might not like it, but you can't race…”

Oh, that was what broke me.

“It's not yours!” I exclaimed.

“What?” he mumbled, the smile on his lips disappearing slowly.

“This baby” I whisper. “It's not yours. It's Charles'”

Sebastian's grip on my hand tightened slightly, but he didn't say anything immediately. I could see the hurt flicker across his face, masked by a veil of confusion.

“That fucking idiot” I spat, feeling the anger burning in my veins, getting rid of his grip in my hand. “Of all people it had to be him! Why?!”

“Dafne, calm down…” I heard Sebastian say.

“Calm down? Calm down?!” I exclaimed.

“We'll do this together, okay?” he said, trying to reach my hand again. “I'll be next to you-”

“No” I said quickly. “Leave me alone”

“Dafne…”

“I said leave me alone!” I said louder. “Get out, please! Get out! I don't need your pitty, I don't need you!”

He clenched his jaw, looking at me with pain in his eyes. But that pain is nothing compared to the one I'm feeling right now.

“I need to be alone” I whispered, feeling a wave of panic.

Sebastian hesitated for a moment, hurt and confusion filling in his eyes. Finally, he nodded silently and stood up, his shoulders down, defeated. He paused at the door, casting one last worried glance at me before leaving the room.

Alone in the hospital bed, the anger that had fueled my outburst began to disappear, leaving behind a terrible ache. I felt disgusted. Disgusted at the situation, at Charles, at myself for letting this happen. How could I have been so careless? How could I have let him go this far?

The tears that I had been holding back finally spilled over, tracing silent paths down my cheeks. I was scared of what this pregnancy meant for my career, for my relationship with Sebastian, for everything I had worked so hard to achieve.

I was so lost. I will lose my career. My family will be disappointed. The team, the media will hate me. Sebastian probably hates me, I'm not carrying his child.

What am I going to do?

taglist

@racinggirl @elisysd @alltoomaples @ssprayberrythings @rach3164 @yvonne-dump @deliciousfestsalad @janeh22 @hc-dutch @ninifee1802 @kakorrhaphiphobia @ssararuffoni @itsjustkhaos @scaramou @tapedeck-hearts @apollosfavkiddo @sltwins @glitterquadricorn @ladystardust05 @theseerbetweenus @vizzzashley @auawdo @leah-also-known-as-creatoronwp @leptitlu @green-thots

[obey-me-disaster]

Ohoho, I've come up with a fluffy idea and figured I'd come dump it on you because I am too lazy to write it myself. >:)

Various brothers have a tendency to fall asleep in MC's room or within their vicinity. One day MC manages to take off their shirt while they're alseep and draws all over their chest / shoulders/ stomach, this way its not so everyone can see and they dont get embarrassed. They write little poems + hearts + compliments + words of encouragement and "I love you!!" + "MC was here" written everywhere. After MC drew on them they put their shirt back on and went back to bed like nothing happened. Later the brother of MC's choice takes a shower / changes their clothes and finds MC's "artwork". How would they react?

This is so cute??! With the way some of them act like MC's room is their room this can very well happen.

This ask really got me out of the writer's block so I think I ended doing just a little bit more than you asked, hope you'll still enjoy it ^-^

Demon brothers x gn!MC

MC who writes cute messages on their body while they sleep

Lucifer

A/N: This was inspired by a chat with drunk Lucifer.

The likelihood of normal Lucifer falling asleep in MC's room is low. The chances of MC writing on his body are even lower. Drunk Lucifer on the other hand...

MC was just chilling in their room when Lucifer stumbled in. They knew he was drunk due to all the affectionate messages he has been sending them throughout the night but they were not expecting him to show up in their room.

MC rushed to check if he was alright but he merely brushed off their concerns saying he just wanted to see them before going to rest.

There was not much going through his head at the moment besides regretting the 'who can drink the most' bet with Diavolo and wanting to see MC before going to sleep. Between wanting to check up on them and trying to leave the room he wasn't sure when he ended up in their bed.

Maybe it was when MC insisted that they should give him some water before going to him, or it was when he decided to wait for them and ended up falling asleep.

By the time MC came back with a glass of water and a light snack he was fast asleep in their bed. Sighing MC put down the water and snack and went to cover him with a blanket. It wasn't everyday he got to rest and MC was sure as hell not going to wake him up.

As they approached they couldn't help but admire his features. He had a slight flush across his face, probably from the demonus he drank earlier, that made him look quite cute. Paired with the serene look on his face MC couldn't help but take a picture, it was not everyday the avatar of pride looked so relaxed, let alone sleep in their bed.

They wanted to let Lucifer know how much they loved him, how they wanted him to sleep in their room on other occasions, not only when he was drunk and of course, how cute he looked. At that moment, it was not possible, in the morning he may be hangover. If they leave a note about it he may not see it and sending him a text about it may have the same outcome so they settled on the only rational decision their brain could come up with at 3 am, writing on his body.

At first MC wanted to write on his hand, it would not fit all the things they wanted to write so they slowly pulled his shirt up. They looked over at him to be sure he won't wake up, they didn't want to explain why they were lifting up his shirt while sleeping.

Once they were sure he wouldn't wake up they begun to write various messages with little hearts along his torso. Once they were satisfied MC decided to climb in bed and go to sleep cuddled up to Lucifer.

By the time they woke up Lucifer was already gone, probably to avoid his brothers finding him in their room. Checking their phone they saw they got a message from Lucifer. He apologized for the trouble he caused so late into the night and told them to come into his room in order to thank them properly. MC started to wander if Lucifer will ignore the messages on his body or not. Even if he did, this whole incident started to become a habit for MC every time one of the brothers fell asleep in their room.

Meanwhile in Lucifer's room

He woke up not long after MC fell asleep besides him. It didn't take long for him to put two and two together and decided to leave before any of his brothers would barge in and start a ruckus.

In his room he started to undress so he could change into his pijamas when he saw something written on his torso. Going in front of the mirror he started to read all the sweet messages MC left on his body. He couldn't help but smile at the gesture. He snapped a quick photo of all the messages before deciding he should really make it up to them the next day. Who knows, he may end up sleeping in their room again just as they wished.

Mammon

When is he not in MC's room? He might as well move there with how much he stays there. His phone charger, some of clothes and other junk can be found in MC's room.

Tonight was no different. He was sitting in his bed complaining about Lucifer while MC was finishing up a project for school. He tried to convince them to stop doing homework and spend time with him but to no avail. Frustrated he tried to give them the silence treatment. In his mind MC would come and beg for him to talk with them and stop doing all the school work, it was a full proof plan in his head.

What he didn't take into account was the fact that he would fall asleep in MC's bed and how could he not. The bed was so warm and soft and had MC's scent all over it. Add the fact that he was not being entertained by MC and they get a Mammon fast asleep, holding one of their pillows.

After 5 minutes of silence MC went to check on him and sure enough, he was fast asleep. The scene was all too similar to the one time Lucifer fell asleep, fact that gave them an idea.

They grabbed a pencil and went to pull his shirt up. He moved in his sleep a few times and tried to grab at MC but they managed to get away. No need to get beaten by a sleeping Mammon the way Levi did in the past.

With enough space for writing MC went to work. Small doodles of money and hearts and a few messages about how much they love him. They also snuck the words 'great Mammon' and 'first' here and there but they were not very noticeable.

Being satisfied with their work, MC pulled down his shirt and went back to finish their school project. It would take a while for Mammon to wake, late alone to discover MC's little surprise.

When Mammon woke up in the morning he realized that his plan to make MC beg for attention failed miserably but even with the failed plan he couldn't get mad. MC was holding tightly onto him.

He stayed like that for a while, trying to savour the moment for as long as he could. He didn't think to get up until he could hear his stomach growl, at which point he decided it's time to get up.

He slowly got out of bed and went to the bathroom attached to MC room to change his clothes and wash his face in order to freshen up.

When he took of his shirt he noticed something written all over his chest and stomach. At first he thought that some witch did something to him and was on the verge to go wake up MC when he noticed some little hearts from the corner of his eyes.

He pulled out his phones and took a photo of all the writing so he could finally take a proper look at the writing. When he started to slowly read all the cutesy messages written in gold from his chest and stomach he nearly dropped him phone right there and then.

He didn't know whatever to go wake up MC or not so he decided to do the most logical thing in his mind. Go to his room and start spaming their phone with messages. He tried to put on his usual tsundure attitude during their texts but it was clear he was over the moon about the whole thing.

He made sure not only to take a few more photos of himself with the stuff written by MC but to fall asleep in their room more often with a golden marker right next to him. he couldn't be more obvious

Leviathan

Levi is an introvert through and through. Being around crowds drains his energy and he has to spend some time alone in order to bounce back to his old self. But just because he likes to be alone from time to time in order to recharge his social battery it doesn't mean he likes being lonely.

He often goes to MC room and plays or watches something on his phone while MC does something else entirely. Just being in their presence was enough for him to not feel lonely anymore.

It was one of those night where his social battery was below zero but he really didn't want to be alone when he entered MC's room and went to sit on their bed. MC merely waved at him and went back to whatever they were doing.

They knew Levi would come into their room. Earlier that day Diavolo hosted a party which exhausted Levi to the core. They prepared for him some of their softest plushies they got from various brothers for him to hold.

When they first begun to do this Levi was afraid it would get awkward. Sitting in silence and doing different things seemed like a recipe for disaster but it turned out completely fine. It made their bond stronger, Levi could swear his intimacy level for MC went up.

Levi made himself comfortable and started to collect all his daily logins from numerous gacha games from his phone. The only time anyone spoke was when MC asked if he wanted some snacks but they were met with silence. They softly asked again in case Levi didn't hear them but they got the same response.

They went to check on him only to discover that he has fallen asleep while holding his phone. MC couldn't help but go grab their phone so they could take a picture. It was the first time Leviathan felt comfortable enough to fall asleep in their room. Once they were satisfied with the number of photos they took they went to grab a dark purple pen to start writing on him. They already did that to his older brothers, it might as well become a tradition of sorts.

Pulling his shirt up was definitely way easier of a task to do than they thought. The hard part came when they started to write. Apparently Levi was quite ticklish so he would squirm every time MC's been would be tracing anything on his chest, torso and shoulders. They wrote various references to romance anime that they have watched and the inside jokes between them. They tried to draw a small ruri chan too but didn't come out too well. Once they were satisfied they pulled his shirt down and let him continue his nap.

By the time he woke MC was no longer in the room but they did leave him a note saying that they went to out to buy something. Seeing as he was alone he took it as his chance to leave since he felt pretty embarrassed for falling asleep like that.

It wasn't until later that night, when he was preparing to take a bath that he noticed all the writing. He quickly went to a mirror and when he saw all the messages left by MC he nearly fainted right there and then. He felt like the protagonist of some romantic anime, or even beyond that since he has never seen a scene like that in anything that he has watched.

Even when he would try to deny that MC felt like that about him, those thoughts would quickly go away as he would stare down at the proof that MC truly love him.

He stood for quite a few minutes, thinking on the best way to preserve all of this when he realized that MC, in order to leave all the cute notes and doodles, would have had to lift up his shirt . That was the last thing he thought about before his brain started to malfunction.

Satan

Whenever Satan would feel angry at something and needed a way to calm down he would either go read a book, pet some cats, take his anger out on something in the forest or go stay in MC's presence. This situation was quite similar to Levi's, where he would go to MC's room just to spend time together in silence, while they would do different things.

And in the same way MC would prepare some plushies or snacks for Levi, they would prepare tea or sneak a cat in the HOL. While Satan reading in the presence of MC wasn't a rare thing, him coming into their room to read in order to calm down didn't happen too often. As much as Satan appreciates MC looking out for him and enjoys the small things they do for him, he wouldn't want to be angry in their presence too often. Especially during the times when he feels he doesn't have that much control over his emotions.

This time tho, it wasn't that bad. He couldn't say he felt truly angered, just annoyed at how badly the day went for him. When he entered MC's room they immediately could tell why he came, so they welcomed him in and excused themself to go bring some tea for him and something to drink for themself.

He really couldn't thank then enough for all the things they do for him, so he just figured he would think of a way to surprise them once he is fully calm.

After MC came back with their drinks, both of them settled in a comfortable silence, doing their own thing. This went on for a while and before he could even realize, he fell asleep while hugging the book.

Being used to this by now, the gently took the book from his hands and put it on their, making sure to put a bookmark on whatever page Satan was on. After making sure everything was out of the way they grabbed their phone to snap a few pictuers of him and a marker and went to work.

While lightly lifting up his shirt wasn't that hard, MC got stuck on what to write for him. They made sure to write something unique for each brother and they wanted to do something like that for Satan too. Sure, they could draw a cat and make some cat puns, but Satan's range of interests went way beyond his love for felines.

A shiver from Satan snapped MC out of their throughts. If they kept his shirt up for too long he would wake up from feeling cold, so they had to act quickly. They started to think of all the love poems they heard Satan talk about and quickly searched for them on their DDD. While these wouldn't exactly be MC's words they would still carry the same sentiment.

As they start writing down various small love poems, MC made a mental note to actually think of one for the next time this happens. After thet made sure everything was written down, they made a small drawing of a kitten and pulled down his shirt.

When Satan woke up he was none the wiser about the surprise MC prepared for him under his shirt. He apologized for falling asleep like that and excused himself to go back to his room. All of his brothers could tell that he left MC's bedroom so much calmer than when he went in.

He went straight into his room to take a shower so he could properly go to bed after as he still felt quite tired despite the nap that he took. As he was about to step in the shower he noticed the writing across his chest and stomach.

As he went in front of a mirror to read he quickly recognized both the writing and the poems across his body. Those were all poems that Satan has talked about or from poets he has showed to MC. Across his chest there was a small message that said 'Despite them not being my words they carry the same sentiment. Next time I will come up with something just for you.'

If he, by some slim chance was still angry, this would have gotten rid of any and all negative emotions. He made sure to carefully read all the poems. He already knew them by heart, but since this was MC's hard work, it would be a shame to not appreciate it. He really had to come up with something to express his gratitude to MC as fast as he could.

Asmodeus

Sleep overs between MC and Asmodeus happened quite often. Sometimes they were planned well ahead, sometimes they were on the spur of the and this one was of the latter kind. Both of them came back from a party and since neither of them felt like going on their seprate ways, they decided to have a sleep over in MC's room.

The first part of their sleep over was just taking of any make up and accessories they bad followed by changing into their pijamas. While in theory it may sound like this would be done in 10 minutes, it took them an hour, or at least it took Asmo an hour to officialy be done.

He would have been done way faster but he kept on stopping to tell MC about the latest gossip he heard. By the time he was finished getting into his pijamas he was beyond exhausted. All the hype from that party that kept him awake was gone and replaced with need to cuddle up to MC and fall asleep.

He wanted to stay awake and talk with MC a little bit more but he knew all too well that his body was drained from all the partying. Despite slowly falling asleep, he continued to tell MC about the latest drama his fans caused while holding their hand.

When his breathing became even and he stopped from talking, MC saw it as their chance to get up from bed and get a pen ready. They made sure to pick a glitter pink pen just for him. MC made quick work of his shirt, it was honestly shocking he was wearing clothes at all since he likes to sleep all natural. They started to write as many cutesy messages and draw hearts all over him. Asmo would softly laugh in his sleep here in there, probably being tickled by MC writing on his skin.

Once they have deemed that they wrote enough messages MC put the glitter pen away and went back to sleep, this time cuddling Asmo properly.

When morning came Asmo got out of bed way earlier than MC and went back to his bedroom so he could start his skin care routine which would take a while. Before all of that, he wanted to take a bath first in order to relax, but as he undressed he noticed something across his body.

He went to one of his many mirrors and started to admire MC's handiwork. He tried to recall to any time MC showed signs of being into body writing but he couldn't recall any specific moment. He couldn't wait to show MC his appreciation for their little surprise but before that he had to make sure to take a ton of pictures of himself with the writing on him to share on Devilgram. he lowkey started a new trend

Beelzebub

Since MC's room was right next to the kitchen, Beel would often end up in their bedroom in the middle of the night after one of his late snacks and this time was no exception.

After having his fill more like emptying the fridge he decided to pass by MC's room since he felt like seeing them. He slowly opened the door,as to not wake them only to find out they were wide awake, watching a movie. Since he was already there MC invited him over to watch the movie with them and share some of their snacks.

Beel didn't need to be told twice and immediately crossed the room and went to sit next to them on the bed. As the movie went on and the snacks started to disappear, he could feel himself starting to fall asleep. With MC right next to him and with the room being mostly dark, it made it easy for him to fall asleep.

The only reason MC noticed that the demon besides fell asleep was from hearing him snoring. It made for quite the cute and MC decided to play with his hair. As their hand reached his head, Beel grabbed their hand and started to lightly nibble at it.

Quickly MC retracted their hand and got up to pick on of their pens. They were no longer in the mood to finish the movie so they figured it was just the right moment to write something on Beel.

MC gently lifted up Beel's shirt and tried to avoid being grabbed by the sleeping demon. They took a moment to admire his body. It was far from being the first time seeing him like but MC still couldn't help but take a moment to appreciate his body. Since he was the biggest out of all the brothers ment that MC had more space to write all sorts of compliments and words of encouragement. After making sure that his chest and abs were covered in all sorts of messages and small doodles, MC pulled down his shirt and went to sleep like nothing happened.

In morning Beel woke up and left the room while MC was still soundly asleep. He felt bad for falling asleep during the movie, but decided to think of a way to make it up to MC after his morning work out.

When he entered his bedroom he went straight into changing himself into some clothes ment for working out. As he took his shirt off he noticed there was something not only across his chest but across his stomach too. At first he thought he got some food on him from raiding the fridge but when he looked closer he realized there were words written on him.

He took a picture of them and started to read. It didn't take him long to realize it was MC's doing so he didn't waste any second and went back to in their room so he could express how happy he was to wake up with all those compliments on him. He didn't bother to put his shirt back on, there was no need to cover up MC's little surprise for him. imagine waking up by a shirtless beel picking you up in order to hug

Belphegor

MC's room is one, if not his favourite places to sleep in. Not only did he get to sleep surrounded by their scent, but if he got lucky he would get to sleep all cuddled up to MC. It was a win in his book no matter what.

To MC's dismay, he doesn't always announce his presence, so there were quite a few times where MC sat right on top of him without meaning to. To make matters even more difficult for MC, the bastard would require them to cuddle him in order to make up for the hurt that they have caused. If MC didn't know any better, they would think he was doing it on purpose.

Because of that, MC got in the habit to check if there was anyone in their bed before even thinking of trying to get on it. While the habit was a bit weird it finally payed off. There he was, the avatar of sloth in all of his beauty, sleeping and hugging close to his chest one of MC's plushies.

He looked quite adorable in his sleep. you wouldn't believe he was capable of murdering you MC tried to gently shake him awake but he wouldn't budge so they just gave up on the idea all together.

Since it looked he was not going to wake up MC went to pick one of their pens. In a way it was quite ironic that the person that sleeps the most in their room was the last one to get compliments written on him.

MC moved his body so that he would lie on his back. It turned out to be way easier than they would have expected. It honestly felt like Belphie himself moved so MC would have an easier time writing on him.

Lifting his shirt they started by drawing small constellations here and there, followed by some compliments and other cute messages they could think of.

Once satisfied with their work MC tried to get up from the bed when a hand suddenly grabbed. When they looked down they saw Belphie having one of his most insufferable smirks on his face.

At that moment the realization finally hit MC and made them feel quite silly for forgeting such an important detail. Belphie is often aware of what is happening around him while he is sleeping. That's the only reason he has grades high enough to rivale Satan despite doing nothing but sleep during classes. That also explains why he was so easy to move around a few minutes prior.

It was too late to be having regrets tho. MC was being held thightly by Belphegor and they just knew they are about to be teased relentlessly by him.

[cookiegirlsworld]

IT'S CRAZY HOW THINGS CHANGE- Tom kaulitz Part1

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Pairing: Tom Kaulitz×fem.reader

Summary: The reader finds herself in a complicated situation when she tries to forget about the one and only Tom Kaulitz.

Warnings:mentions of sex, punching,toxicity,friends with benefites,drinking,etc.

Type:friends with benefites

A/n: hi guys this is my first imagine. I just wanted to say that english isn't my first language, but i hope you enjoy.

"Hey, hey, hey you can slow down a bit" I hear my best friend say from beside me as I just drink another shot of tequila. I didn't want to stop, I couldn't, not tonight. This was the only way, forget at least a little bit about the feelings that I had to dig under the rug and ignore for such a long period of time..

"Y/n" said the sweet girl that stood close beside me with a soft voice. Her beautiful eyes looking into mine like she knew everything I was feeling in that moment. I was so lost in my thoughts that I almost forgot she was even there.

Anne is my childhood best friend and the girl that I convinced to accompany me at the party tonight, not because I didn't have any friends beside her, but because she was the one that I trusted the most. She was there for me everytime life got hard and I needed a shoulder to cry on and I made sure to do the same for her. She knows everything about my life, such as my situation with Tom.

Tom Kaulitz, Tom kaulitz, Tom kaulitz.

The name that I wanted so bad to forget seemed to not leave my mind, even with all the alcohol that ran through my system. I met the brunette boy at a nightclub in my city. He was there with his band and some more friends celebrating yet another good concert, when I caught his dark eyes looking at me as I was swinging my body to the dance floor..

He wasn't hard to miss, with his black cornrows that were almost covered with a black bandana, a tall muscular figure clothed in large, but stylish clothes, he made every girls head turn. I knew he was trouble when he walked into the room, but it seems that didn't bother me when he asked me to dance with him, so I accepted.Stupid mistake. After that it didn't take him long to charm me and get me to his hotel room, where he did almost what he wanted with me. The next morning he asked for my number and that how we start meeting up. After several nights together we made an agreement which consist in sex without feelings. We both agreed that neither of us had the time or wanted to deal with a relationship.

Things were good until one night when I caught him kissing a girl at a nearby restaurant. After that I went home and cried myself to sleep, realizing that for me it wasn't just sex. Days went by where I tried to avoid his calls and messages, but he still convinced me to meet up with him and explain what's wrong. That night i promised myself that i will end things there, but it all fell apart when he apologised saying that we never said that sex with other people was off the list, and he was right. Even though i hate to admit, he was right.

After that I just found myself yet again tangled between his bedsheets. It seemed that he was the only one that satisfied my needs, in ways that I couldn't even think about. He was always so spontaneous and had something that made me want him even more. It seemed almost like I was hungry for him, for his touch, for his words, for his strong scent that invaded my nostrils every time he was close to me.

I didn't want to stop, i couldn't, but i had to. All of this game that we played, even if it was exciting, it was also unhealthy and we had to stop. I had to stop, before things got out of hand and one of us got hurt.

That's what brought me here tonight, the desire to get him out of my mind, but i don't think that desire will ever compare with the need to have his lips on mine.

No, no, no, no. I have to do something. I cannot give up, not now.

Maybe the alcohol didn't help me get the bastard off of mind, but maybe something else will. As i made my way to the dance floor making sure to swing my hips as feminine and sexy as could, i started to move my body to the rhythm. After a few minutes of dancing, i made my way back to the bar, glancing around to see of i caught someones eye. And i sure did.

Several men and women were watching me, some with lust in their eyes, some with envy. Adjusting my gaze to the previous one, a small smirk crept on my lips. I did not lose my charm either.

Ordering another shot from the bar and looking around for Anne, i see her talking with a cute blonde guy on the corner. Just as me she wasn't lucky to find love yet, and seeing her laughing like a kid to the jokes the guy said made me smile. She deserves to have a good time and the guy didn't seem to be bad either.

The smile vanished from my face being soon replaced by a worried expression followed by a confused one. What the hell was he doing here?

Dressed in an all black outfit, stood at the front entrance the man that i tried to run from all night. Shaking hands with one member of the security staff and entering the club, giving off his usual arrogant vibe, his eyes started to wander around the venue. Until they seemed to find something interesting enough to look at. Me

As his eyes met mine, his face twisted in confusion, a frown making its way on his face. That didn't last long, because his lips started to twist into a smirk as his strong gaze started to wander down my body, licking his lip piercing at the same time. This situation was way too familiar and the way he was looking at me with such lust making my insides turn. I knew that if i didn't do something now i would soon lose this fight yet again.

Breaking the eye contact with the man in front of me, my eyes started to wander the room until i found a boy that was intensely looking at me. He had blonde hair and he wasn't quite short, but his blue eyes made me understand what he wanted. Bingo

Making my way through the crowd in the direction of the boy i just saw, i glanced back to the spot where Tom sat not even 1 minute ago. It was now empty.

Building all my courage and putting on my flirtest smile i asked. " Hey,wanna dance?".

The boy looked at me surprised, but smirked as soon as he realized what I said. "Yeah, of course," he said, making me smile. The dance floor was full of sweaty bodies and people either kissing or grinding against each other, giving me a little confidence.

Slowly i started to dance against the guy, that i didn't even know the name of. This was perfect, he almost made me forget about him.

Standing in front of me was Tom on one the couches in the VIP areas looking unbothered by the situation that was happening in front of him. Not breaking eye contact with me, he lights himself a cigarette his usual smirk making its way on his face as he blew away the smoke. Soon enough, he gets up and goes somewhere where I can't see him.

" Hey do you wanna get out of here?" said the boy interrupting my thoughts. But before i could answer i felt a kind of liquid on me.

" Hey man, watch out," said the blonde angry until he saw who was in front of him. "Yeah, I'm sorry I get kinda clumsy when I see such a beautiful lady" said Tom almost eating me with his gaze. "Hey man, I know who you are, but tonight the chicks mine, sorry" as soon as he heard that Tom chuckled evilly before punching the guy right in the jaw.

Oh no, this couldn't be happening...

PART 2?

[strayseraphine]

I regret saying that I love you | one shot

pairing: choi san x fem!reader

summary: Being in a "more than friends less than a couple" relationship is hard for you, especially when the person you're with is one of the most wonderful you've ever met. Despite your best efforts, you can't handle it, so you make a heartbreaking decision. mostly angst, a bit of fluff in the end, hurt/comfort

3 426 words

the one shot is also avaliable on ao3

This might not be the best what I have written, but I had to. I did it for myself to have a happy ending that I might not have in real life, I just had to get some tings off my chest.

choi san masterlist | general masterlist | stranger things masterlist

"What's up, dear?" San's voice broke the silence. His warm hand gently glided up and down your arm, fingertips barely touching it yet you felt as if they were leaving a burning trail behind. It burned as much as your throat tightened from the lump that grew and caused tears to fill your eyes. Despite how hard you tried to bear it all, despite how hard you tried to push your feelings aside...you couldn't handle it anymore. It was too strong.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go now." You stood up and started picking up clothes from the floor. "I feel sick."

"Hey, in that case, you should stay, let me take care of you." he said grabbing your wrist. Although the room was dark, you could see the gentle pout on his face, which squeezed your heart even tighter. You snatched your wrist from his hand, dressed quickly, and left his apartment saying only a weak "sorry" goodbye.

Your phone didn't stop buzzing in the cab, you knew it was him, but you didn't dare answer it. When you entered your apartment, you saw 7 missed calls and even more messages you didn't read.

you: just entered the house, I'm going to bed. Good night.

After sending the message, you turned off the phone and immediately moved towards your bed, where you felt safe enough to finally let out the emotions that were tearing you apart from the inside. 

You sat on the big leather couch listening to the samples that Hongjoong planned to add to the new songs, you knew each other since childhood, he knew he could trust you, so before and during the debut and long after it you were always present in his life, you were like siblings to each other. This is how you met San. San, whose name appeared on your phone screen for the tenth time today. The memory of last night was still fresh and painful. You locked your phone and put it face down. Hongjoong stopped the music and looked at you with raised eyebrows.

"Have you suddenly become a billionaire or do these constant phone calls have to do with the San asking everyone if they know what you're doing and where you are?" he asked.

You didn't answer.

"y/n... we've known each other since forever, do you think I'm that stupid and blind not to notice that there's something between you two?" he didn't let go.

"I don't know what to tell you..." you said quietly looking at the floor. You knew that what was between you and a member of his group would not please him, because both you and San were like family to him. You didn't want to put him between a hammer and an anvil.

"I really don't want to pressure you, but-"

Hongjoong didn't have time to finish his sentence when San appeared in the doorway.

"y/n please talk to me," he said, ignoring the leader.

"I'll leave you two alone."

As the door closed behind your friend the atmosphere started to get too tense. Your heart was pounding like crazy and starting to hurt. The pain you felt was connected to the realization that this is the end. Everything is going to end right here and now.

San sat next to you on the couch, but did not look in your direction. He too was aware that today would not have its happy ending.

"What do you want to know?" you asked quietly.

"What's going on? Why are you avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?" the questions came from his mouth awfully fast, you knew he had been thinking about them since the night before, you knew that, like you, he hadn't slept a wink through it, you knew he was worried, and that was killing you even more.

"I can't take it anymore San..." you said, interrupting his verbosity. "It's already too much for me. I thought I could handle it, that I was strong enough, but I can't. I can't do this anymore."

Hearing your breaking voice, his heart slowly began to break as well. He thought that what was between you gave you joy, but now he realized that he was also hurting you, and that was the last thing he wanted to do to you. "Talk to me please, we've always been able to talk about problems, it's something that makes us strong, remember? Our strength." He turned to face you. His eyes were filled with tears.

"Do you remember when we started to be much closer with each other?" you asked.

"Of course."

"Back then I thought a relationship was the last thing I wanted. I didn't feel ready, the very thought of letting someone close made me scared and uncomfortable. But then suddenly something changed between us. You showed me that not every guy in the world is a complete asshole. You made me feel accepted, not judged, appreciated, you made me feel loved, San. You were an amazing friend to me, and when we started spending more time together...when we listened to music together, played games together, watched anime and dramas, the way you devoted your free time to me made me feel important. Even when you were on the tour and we were hundreds of miles apart, our online conversations, falling asleep together with the stupid cam on, the way you started calling me all those pet names, writing good morning and good night messages, the way you didn't hide it and reminded me that you were thinking of me, that you liked looking at my pictures, when you reminded me that I was important to you..." You didn't know if each word brought you relief or more pain. "I don't even remember when our innocent hugging turned into all those kisses, and it went even further, it all happened so terribly fast, but I wanted it so badly... The worst part is that it wasn't just because of that that I fell in love with you, I fell in love with you seeing what a wonderful person you are, and that hurts me even more."

"Y/n... I thought we already talked about this..."

"I know we talked about it, but you wanted to hear everything."

"Okay, go on."

"You have a heart of gold, San. Sometimes too good, and in truth you deserve the best of everything. The goodness you have in you is huge, and I feel damn grateful to have you in my life, but there is one thing I regret."

"What?" He, too, was no longer able to hold back tears.

"I regret saying that I love you."

This sentence was like a powerful punch to his stomach. 

"Before I said anything you never held back your affection toward me, and since I did, I've noticed that it's much less, less often, and I can't stand how it hurts anymore. You gave me something beautiful, and then it was less and less..."

"y/n-"

"No. Maybe it's stupid but do you remember what bedtime messages from you looked like in the beginning? As time went on, you stopped using even silly hearts, and later you didn't even let me know if you were going to bed at all anymore. You know me San, you know that I pay attention to details, you know that I notice changes in behavior and you know how it affects me, so you know perfectly well that in your case, especially in your case, I won't miss it either."

"I'm sorry..."

"When I confessed to you how I felt and asked you who you thought we were, you said more than friends but less than a couple. And I agreed with you because that's what we are, but I can't do it anymore. Especially since I did it there are times when you don't respond to my affection. It hurts San, it hurts more than the rejection because I don't know what's going on, I feel lost at that point. I feel like the closer you get to know me the less you like me just don't know how to tell me. I feel like you were driven by a momentary fascination with me in the beginning and now it's slowly disappearing, but still, sometimes there are flashes. These flashes every time make me forget this awful feeling and I am happy again, I cling so terribly to these moments of closeness and warmth that you are able to give me... I understand your situation and I understand that you don't want to be in a relationship with me, but I can no longer maintain the kind of relationship we are in." San looked at you with pain in his eyes. His silence spoke more than a thousand words. "Y/n, I never wanted you to feel hurt," he said.

"That's not the point, San, I just can't live in uncertainty any longer. Sooner or later you'll find someone, and I won't be able to stand by and watch if I don't get rid of the feelings I have for you right now."

He lowered his gaze, and his shoulders slumped inertly. "I understand," he whispered. "I didn't want to hurt you. I always wanted to be a support for you, someone you could count on."

"I appreciate that, I really do, and you were that person for me. You were a wonderful friend, but that's what happens when friends start acting like a couple without being one. You're a great person, San, and to be clear... I don't regret what happened between us, because you really opened my eyes in some aspects. The only thing I regret is that I wasn't able to keep my feelings secret, if it wasn't for that, your behavior wouldn't have changed and maybe somehow things would have turned out differently, maybe I would have been able to hold out longer, but the fact that you are aware of my feelings and we can't do anything about it is too hard for me to bear."

The silence between you was long and heavy. San finally raised his eyes "Can we still be just friends? I need you in my life y/n." he asked quietly. "I still have you in my heart."

"For this moment, no. I'm sorry."

"y/n, please don't leave-"

"I'm sorry." You said running out of the studio.

Days passed, and he felt increasingly lonely. He recalled every moment spent with you, your laughs together, your conversations, the nights spent on the webcam when you were far away from each other. He would give up a lot now to be able to call you and fall asleep seeing each other on the small cell phone screen. Every day without you was a void he couldn't fill. Your absence was like a wound that refused to heal. He tried to focus on his work, on his music, but everything seemed pointless. Every song he tried to write, every note he played, reminded him of you. He began to realize that his world was incomplete without you. He missed your presence, your smile, your voice, your warmth. 

He was sitting in his room, going through your old messages and shared photos. You were right - the further he scrolled, the fewer of them there were. 

San: You deserve someone who hugs you when you're down, who reciprocate your love language, who brushes your hair and appreciates you

San: I appreciate you so so much and you deserve every good thing coming your way

San: Communicating with you is really easy, being able to communicate and being understanding makes us strong 🩷 Overall I'm very happy with u and appreciate your personality a lot

San: Just know that you are loved, your feelings are valid, I appreciate you a lot and you get all the affection I could give 🩷 sleep tight and nice dreams only tonight!

San: Okay but since we gotta go I really want to finish this on a positive note, you're such a beautiful person with a pretty personality. I'm glad we got closer like this, I appreciate you so so much, you've become a comfort person for me, stay how you are 🩷 Good night and sleep tight, much love!

San: I’m thinking of you all the time 24/7, every day of the week

Why did he stop?

His feelings for you never changed, so why did he limit showing how important you are to him from the moment you confessed your feelings to him? The further he went, the more apparent it became that the effort put into your relationship appeared mostly on your part. His were sporadic, sudden, definitely not as frequent as in the beginning.  He could not understand it. After all, the realization that someone loved and missed him was filled with positive feelings, it was not scary for him, not when he thought of you. Maybe it was because he knew he couldn't give you what you wanted? That he couldn't give you more? But actually why couldn't he? After all, he wanted to. He wanted you to be his, he wanted to be yours, he wanted to remind you without restraint how important you were to him and hold you in his arms whenever he had the chance to do so.

Why couldn't he see earlier how much he loved you?

Slowly he began to analyze your entire relationship. With each memory, he began to realize that his feelings for you were deeper than he ever wanted to admit. All those moments when he thought he was just protecting you were actually moments when he was hiding his true feelings. You never had a problem reminding him that, according to you, he was a wonderful person, and ironically you couldn't see that wonderfulness in yourself.

You were always there for him when he needed you. When others turned away from him, you were always ready to listen to him and wipe away his tears. At times when disagreements arose between you, you were always able to talk about everything and clarify. He remembered how your words were able to comfort him, how your messages were something that made him feel not alone on the other side of the world.

you: I hope you are having sweet dreams right now, remember that you are a wonderful person with a heart of gold, you deserve to be happy, you deserve the best. You are loved and you are not alone, when you read this in the morning... have a happy Friday Sannie 🩷

you: remember that you are loved and you deserve everything what's best, nasty mood happens but it will pass, it is not permanent, I am here for you

Simple words. However, he knew that they always came straight from your heart, that they were sincere and genuine. They were the ones that always made his heart wrap itself in pleasant warmth. You also deserved such messages, and the fact that he stopped writing them to you even when you needed them made him feel even worse. He let you down, somewhere along the way he stopped showing how he felt thinking it was obvious, but even if it was obvious, that was no reason to stop showing it. 

Now that he lost you, he couldn't stop thinking about how your laughter filled his heart with joy. Every small gesture, every warm word - all of it reminded him how special you were and how much it hurt him not to have you.

He realized that his fears and anxieties were irrational. He was afraid that he wouldn't be able to give you what you wanted, but in reality, it was you who gave him more than he could ever imagine. Your love and devotion were priceless. However, sometimes we fail to appreciate the treasure we have unless we lose it.

San sat in his room, looking at his phone, which still lay idle in his hand. He stared at the black screen hoping that your name would immediately appear on the screen. He felt overwhelmed with emotion and helplessness. 

"San, you need to pull yourself together," Hongjoong said one evening as they sat in the studio. "It can't keep going on like this."

He shrugged his shoulders without raising his eyes. "It's okay, I just need some time." Pretending to handle the situation was becoming increasingly difficult for him.

"It's not just 'some time,'" Wooyoung said. "You're shutting yourself away, avoiding everyone, and it's clear that this situation is wearing you down."

San finally raised his gaze, and his eyes were full of pain. "It's too late now. I have destroyed everything. I wanted the best for her, and instead I broke her heart."

Yunho, who was always a good listener, put his hand on his shoulder. "Maybe it's not too late. You need to talk to her. If you love her, you have to give yourself one last chance, everything can be fixed."

"I failed her." he whispered.

Jongho interjected firmly. "Everyone makes mistakes, San. But true love deserves to be fought for. Think about how much y/n means to you. Do you really want to lose her because you're afraid? Do you remember how many times she fought for you? When you were having worse times and she sensed that you might be drifting apart? Then she always fought to make sure it didn't happen, now it's your turn."

"Now the situation is different..."

"Bullshit." Hongjoong interjected. "I didn't like the idea of you two together, but what happens when you're apart is even worse. Y/n doesn't deserve a part of your heart, she deserves it and you in full, if you know you are able to give it to her, if you want to give it to her, do something about it. Do something before it's too late."

A few days later, San gathered his courage. He went to your apartment, ready to be honest. When he stood in front of your door, his heart was beating like crazy. He pressed the bell and waited, feeling how every second seemed like an eternity. You opened the door, and your surprise was obvious. "San? What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk, y/n," he said, looking you straight in the eye. "Please, give me a moment to explain."

You invited him inside, and he sat down on the couch, feeling the tension rising. "I realized that I love you, but I was afraid of this feeling. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to give you everything you wanted. But now I know that I want to be with you. I want to give you everything I have. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you. Please give me one more chance."

"San..."

"I am so sorry, y/n."

"San, I need to know that you can be honest and open about our feelings. I need to know that you are sure of what you are saying."

He took your hands in his, looking deeply into your eyes. "I promise I will be. I want us to build our future together. I love you, y/n, and I never want to lose you again. I know it won't be easy, but I want to try. I am more than sure of it, y/n, you are worth it, you are worth everything."

You were silent for a moment, listening to him with mixed emotions in your heart. His words sounded sincere however, you could not forget the pain you had experienced, but at the same time you saw and appreciated how hard San was trying to explain his feelings.

"San... It was very difficult for me. I thought I had lost you forever."

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't want you to suffer. I was a coward because I was afraid I wasn't ready for the kind of relationship you deserve."

You nodded, trying to deal with your emotions. "I still love you, Sannie." you whispered after a moment.

He lifted your hands to his lips and kissed them gently. "I promise to try to be better for you."

You took his face in your hands and wiped the tears from your cheeks with your thumbs, then moved closer to him and rested your forehead against his. "Just be yourself."

A slight smile appeared on his face, and a moment later his lips found yours. Finally, everything was in the right place.

[sirfrogsworth]

Adventures in Cooling

The 5-star rated HVAC repair service I used kind of depressed me.

It was almost... too good?

Like, they offer 24/7 service. They have a text message system that lets you know when the tech is coming. Every tech has their own custom van that serves as a giant advertisement. The entire process is documented with a tablet computer. Every serial number and model number must be photographed. He has to follow a diagnostic checklist. And an upsell checklist. And a repair checklist. He had so many checklists that at one point he pulled a card out of his wallet to make sure he didn't forget one of the steps. He had a poorly memorized speech for every upsell. You could tell he didn't have "his" tools, but the company's tools that he borrowed.

None of this was "bad" as far as a workflow. The service was flawless and nothing was forgotten. But you could tell that every detail was micromanaged and if the tech didn't follow the procedures to the letter, he would probably get some kind of demerit.

I felt sorry for my tech. He was in his 60s and clearly had a severe chronic knee injury. He walked slower than I do. He was quite monosyllabic and difficult to make conversation with. Not unpleasant, just not great at communicating.

At one point I asked him if I was a good candidate for a heat pump and he was like, "Everyone is."

End of advice.

Oh, and the uniform.

The uniform was very silly.

Every square inch of his shirt was meant to assure people they have a qualified technician. The one sleeve listed his certifications from some Alphabet Association that certifies such things. And then the other sleeve made sure to let me know my technician was drug tested and background checked.

The entire visit I kept trying to imagine how being stoned might negatively affect HVAC repair. I mean, if he was on a little cocaine perhaps we could have wrapped things up 30 minutes sooner. Marijuana might have helped him communicate. Opioids could make his knee feel better. I don't think shrooms would have been a good idea. If he hallucinated an angry fan monster in my A/C unit that could have been really awkward.

He was a terrible salesman—but for some reason, I fell for every upsell. Actually, I sold all of the upsells to myself in my head. I got a new filter and had him install it because I worried I would forget or I would install it improperly (not really possible, you just stick it in). But for the price I paid I could have bought 6 years worth of filters.

I just wanted everything sorted. I am so stressed and do not have the bandwidth to deal with A/C troubles. So I just said "yes" to everything. But the price kept inflating as we went along and every time it inflated he required a signature on his tablet.

This repair business had been corporatized to death and it made me miss all of my dad's friends from the old days who he would ask for favors. He always "knew a guy." He would trade car repairs for discounts on things we needed around the house. And they all worked for themselves and had their own tools and their own shitty truck and they all said, "There's your problem!" with the same masculine affect.

Their uniform was a flannel shirt and jeans and I bet some of them were high as fuck.

And this elderly gentlemen with the bum knee kept checking his checklist to make sure he checked every check because he feared managerial discipline.

He got to the sales pitch for the fluorescent dye. He was like, "Do you want this? You don't have to buy it." And I started selling it to myself in my head despite his assurance it wasn't really necessary. I worried if I had a big leak and I don't discover it until the middle of July, I would regret saying no in this moment. But then I realized he hated the dye injection process. And his poor salesmanship was mostly him not wanting his hands to be fucking radioactive yellow for the rest of the day. He tried wearing gloves to avoid it, but he still ended up with yellow hands and grumbled, "I really hate this stuff." Which was one of the few unrehearsed things he said to me the entire time.

Once the checklist was complete and the house was already starting to cool, he had one final sales pitch for me. He asked that I give his company a 5-star review and to make sure I mention his name. He told me that in July all of the techs with the most 5-star reviews will have their names put in a hat. And "the boss" will give one lucky employee a free vacation.

This vacation thing sounded like such a manipulation. And I'm sure "the boss" has instructed his techs to tell this tale of the free vacation so customers will be like, "Well, shit. I don't want this poor old guy with the shitty knee to miss out on that."

And it was then I realized just how this company got so many 5-star reviews.

Diabolical.

But the good news... my house is cold as heck.

And I keep shivering because I can't figure out the perfect setting on my thermostat. I guess I was used to the inefficiency and I will have to recalibrate.

[666writingcafe]

Conspiracy

Simeon

This is wrong. How is any of this deemed acceptable?

Ever since my and Luke's return to the Celestial Realm following the announcement of an indefinite postponement of the opening ceremony for Diavolo's school, these thoughts have been constant in my head.

You see, Father feels like the brothers haven't been punished sufficiently enough for defying Him. It's not enough for them to merely be cast down to the Devildom. In His eyes, they don't deserve the opportunity to live a happy life down there. He'd much prefer to personally torture them for the next millennia or so before casting their souls down in Cocytus for all of eternity.

So, He gave Michael permission to do whatever it takes to get the brothers back up here. Michael decided that the easiest way to convince them to leave the Devildom would be by telling them that we're willing to pardon them for their digressions. And since Michael's presence down there would make the brothers highly suspicious, he's planning on taking on the form of Raphael during his trip. After all, most of the brothers are scared of Raphael, so they'd do anything to avoid his wrath.

And guess whose responsibility is it to make sure that Michael's impression of Raphael is pretty much perfect?

Fucking Raphael. How dare he put this on my plate?

I've been disgusted with myself this entire time. Father is literally having us break one of His commandments for what? Petty revenge? What happened to "love thy neighbor"? Did Lucifer wound His pride so severely that He's forgotten how to act?

And the worst thing about all this is that I am powerless to stop it. As it is, if anyone found out I was questioning His will, I might as well be joining the brothers in Cocytus. I'm already on thin ice as it is due to me keeping vital information about the brothers from Him before and during the war.

And somebody has to take care of Luke. I don't trust the others to keep him from harm's way. They'd exploit his innocence for their own selfish needs, and I won't allow that to happen.

So I've kept my objections to myself. Through Michael's training, through my return to the Devildom to deliver the message to Diavolo about "Raphael's" arrival, and through this stupid meeting in the prince's home office. In His eyes, I'm behaving like the perfect angel, blindly doing what I'm told.

And then I made the mistake of making eye contact with Zephyr. It's only momentary, and yet time seems to slow down to a crawl.

I can't have them disappointed in me. We didn't talk a whole lot during my initial visit, but I know that they have a strong moral compass. They'd reject me if they found out that I kept this from them.

Before I can question my emotions too much, the meeting ends, and the six of us--Michael, Lucifer, Diavolo, Barbatos, Zephyr, and myself--walk out of the office and make our way down the hallway. Zephyr and I trail behind the others.

I have to move quickly. Before I change my mind and before anyone notices.

There's a nearby door that's slightly ajar. Perfect.

I quickly grab Zephyr and drag them inside the room, making sure to reposition the door back to where it was as to not cause suspicion. The second they make noise, I cover their mouth with my hand. Their eyes widen as I begin listening for returning footsteps.

Thankfully, no one comes to investigate.

"Will you remain quiet if I remove my hand?" I whisper urgently. Zephyr nods their head. Sure enough, they don't begin screaming for help when I let go.

"Good sheep," I murmur, mentally smacking myself when I fully register what left my mouth. Zephyr remains silent. This room is rather small. Did I shove the two of us in a closet?

Oh, this isn't good. I can already feel myself begin heating up, and I'm pretty sure it's not just due to the cramped space we're in.

"Listen carefully, because I'm only going to be able to say this once," I quietly tell them. Another nod. "It's a trap. They're not getting pardoned. You have to do everything in your power to convince them to stay here." Zephyr tilts their head and looks contemplatively at me. Are they questioning my intentions?

A moment later, they softly smile at me.

"Don't doubt yourself," they whisper softly. "You're doing the right thing." They gently push the door open again, allowing me to leave the room first.

I needed to hear that.

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr, @tenkobitch, @interconnectedmatrix

[misc-obeyme]

Hi there i have been reading your blog for an hour now and im obsessed. Your writing is amazing. May i please request gn! Mc who was just in a fight, and got badly injured, but doesn’t care. So they ask the demon/angel there yo cuddle?

Im so so so sorry of this doesn’t make sense im very tired xD

Preferred characters you can ignore this well the entire request too xD (lucifer, satan, belphie, dia, barb, and simeon)

Here is a cat to keep you company his name is mr. Whisp 🐈

Hello there!

Oh thank you, I'm so glad you're enjoying my writing! (Also thank you for Mr. Whisp I love him.)

Okay, so I wrote these as little scenes instead of the usual bulleted list style, I hope that's okay! They did end up a little longer because of that, though. I did it that way because you requested specific characters and it's easier to write little scenes for fewer characters rather than all of them.

Thank you for the request!

GN!MC gets hurt in a fight, but doesn't care and just wants cuddles with Lucifer, Satan, Belphie, Diavolo, Barbatos, and Simeon

Warnings: MC is hurt! Bruises, blood, general injuries, talk of fighting.

Lucifer

You were standing in front of Lucifer, summoned to his room after he inevitably heard from several of his brothers about the state you were in. You had shown up at the House of Lamentation covered in scrapes and bruises. They all noticed how you were walking with a slight limp and the dark circle that was forming up under one of your eyes.

You had considered blowing him off when you got the message on your D.D.D. that he wanted to see you immediately. You didn't really feel like listening to a lecture about getting into fights. And yet you knew that if you put it off, it'd only be worse later. And secretly you wanted to see him.

Lucifer was observing you with a dark expression, clearly looking over your various injuries.

You kept your arms folded, chin up, and said, "You wanted to see me?"

He didn't say anything at first. You weren't sure if this meant he was so angry he couldn't speak or if he was just trying to make you nervous.

"Explain," he said at last.

You sighed. "I got into a little fight, it was no big deal."

Lucifer quickly closed the distance between you. He took hold of your chin and tilted your face this way and that. "No big deal? MC, you have a black eye. I think perhaps you've also injured your ankle in some way. Do you really think it's okay to risk yourself like this?"

You frowned up at him. "I can handle myself. Just because I got hurt doesn't mean I didn't win the fight."

Lucifer shook his head in exasperation. "That is not the point. Surely the issue could have been resolved without you getting hurt."

You softened a little. "You don't have to worry about me so much, you know."

Lucifer let go of your chin, tracing the tips of his fingers down your cheek lightly. "How can I not when you come in here looking like this? I know you can take care of yourself, but it really is a problem if you-"

You cut him off, catching his hand and stepping in even closer. "Lecture me later. Right now, can't you just hold me?"

You saw his resolve break as his expression changed. He wrapped his arms around you gently, careful to avoid aggravating your injuries. He pressed a kiss to your forehead, unable to hold back as his worry for you spilled over.

"We will treat your injuries shortly," he said into your hair. "And MC, you will not worry me like this again."

You smiled to yourself at this blatant admission of his concern for you. The warmth of his arms was more than enough to make you feel as though you were healing already. You later heard all about how he hunted down those who hurt you (though you could never figure out how he knew who they were). Those demons were never heard from again.

Satan

You sat down across the table from Satan at the library of RAD. There was nobody else around - it was late in the afternoon and all the other students had long since gone home. You knew Satan was there late, taking his time studying for an upcoming curses and hexes exam. You had agreed to meet him there at some point, since you needed to study for that exam as well.

Satan looked up as you sat down and instantly reached out across the table, grabbing your wrist.

"MC," he said, his voice low. "What happened? Who did this to you?"

You knew he was reacting to the bruises on your face and the cut across your forehead that was currently still bleeding a little.

"I'm fine," you said, shrugging a little and pulling your wrist out of his grip. "I just had to take care of something on my way here. Now are we going to study some hexes or what?"

Satan stared at you with wide eyes for a moment. You watched as his face changed, his eyes going dark and his teeth clenching. You could see where this was going and sure enough, he was suddenly in demon form. He half stood out of his chair, leaning across the table and growling.

"Who was it?" he demanded. You could see the tip of his tail twitch just above the table, unexpectedly free rather than wrapped securely around his leg.

You weren't scared because you knew he was contemplating tearing some other demons limb from limb for doing this to you. His reaction was a little over the top, but nothing you weren't expecting. This was Satan, after all.

"I know you're upset," you said. "But it really isn't anything you need to worry about." You placed your hand over one of his, leaning forward yourself to meet him.

His death glare only cooled slightly. "You can't show up to a study session with injuries like that and expect me not to worry, MC."

"I can if I'm telling you that you don't need to worry," you said adamantly. "I need you to trust me. And honestly, it would help me a lot more if you would calm down and give me a hug than if you went off the rails right now."

He was struck by your words, and they caused him to sit back down. Slowly, his demon form left him and he was back in his RAD uniform. The anger still smoldered in his eyes, but it was in competition with how much he cared for you.

Satan closed his eyes, clearly fighting with himself to push down the wrath that continued to simmer in him. After a few moments and some deep breaths, he opened his eyes again. He came around the table, gently taking your hands and pulling you out of your chair.

His eyes roamed over the cut on your forehead, but he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into his chest. You pressed yourself to him, letting your own arms return the embrace. The pain of injuries seemed to fade away entirely as you let him comfort you.

You pulled your head away just a little to look at him and as you did so, you saw a splotch of red against the grey fabric of his uniform. "I'm sorry," you said. "I got blood on your uniform."

Satan sighed and pulled you even closer to him, resting his head on your shoulder. "What am I going to do with you, MC? Promise me you'll be more careful. I hate to see you hurt like this."

"I promise I'll be more careful," you said. It was a promise you felt you could keep.

Belphegor

You moved as quietly as you could through the halls of the House of Lamentation, avoiding any of the brothers you came across. You were on your way to the planetarium to meet up with Belphie and you didn't want any of the others to see the state you were in. So you kept to the shadows, moving along the walls until you came to your destination.

You slipped into the room and smiled at Belphie as he looked up at you. He had been nearly dozing off, so he was still a little bleary.

"There you are," he said with a yawn. "You're late."

"I'm sorry," you said, hoping the room was dark enough that he hadn't noticed your cuts and bruises. You sat down next to him, making sure you stayed partly in shadow. "I lost track of the time."

"Hmm, fine, I'll forgive you this time," Belphie said, rubbing at his eyes.

You laughed softly. "Gee, thanks."

Belphie leaned against your shoulder sleepily. You winced. You didn't mean to, but your shoulder was still sore in that spot.

Belphie noticed instantly. He sat up straight and looked at you carefully, the sleepiness suddenly gone. "MC… is that… a black eye?"

You shrugged. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Belphie frowned. "It is. You're hurt." He tugged on your arm a little to move you more into the light. You knew he could now see how banged up you really were. "MC! What happened to you?"

"Don't worry about it," you said. "It's not a big deal."

Belphie scoffed. "You got into a fight, didn't you? At least tell me that you gave worse than you got."

"Of course I did," you said.

Belphie stood up. "Hang on," he said. "I'll be right back. Then you should tell me about it."

Belphie was gone for only a few minutes, coming back with a first aid kit in tow. He sat back down next to you and opened it, pulling out a disinfectant wipe. He started to wipe down the scrapes on your face. It stung only a little.

"So? What happened? Did some demons insult you or something?" he asked.

"Yeah," you said. "Well, they said some things that I couldn't just ignore and things escalated quickly. But I can promise you they're suffering worse injuries than I am."

Belphie smirked. "I'm not happy about you being hurt," he said seriously. "But I can't pretend I'm not proud of you, either. You should let us handle stuff like that for you, MC. I know you can take care of yourself, but I don't know if it's worth you getting hurt like this."

Belphie carefully put a bandage over the largest cut.

"It's really no big deal," you said. "Especially since I have you to take care of me."

Belphie frowned, a soft blush creeping across his face. He sighed and put his arms around you. "Just because I'll patch you up doesn't mean you should go around getting yourself hurt."

You leaned into his embrace, nuzzling into him while still being careful of your injuries. "I know. Thank you for taking care of me, Belphie."

Although Belphie stayed by your side that night, you later heard rumors about those particular demons being plagued by nightmares.

Diavolo

You ducked into an empty classroom, having finally gotten away from the scene of the fight. You were covered in scratches and bruises and your lip was bleeding. You had eventually escaped the pandemonium after landing a particularly well thrown punch and running while your opponent was dazed. Now you could take a moment to breathe and figure out what you needed to do for your injuries.

You turned around from the classroom door and froze in shock. Diavolo was standing there in the middle of the room, looking just as shocked as you felt. He stared at you for a long moment, taking in your disheveled appearance, and the blood still dripping down your chin.

"MC," he said and the darkness of his voice sent a shiver down your spine. He came toward you. He put one hand on your arm and lifted the other to wipe the blood off of your bottom lip. He let his touch linger there. "Did a student do this to you?"

You considered telling him exactly which demons you had been dealing with. But then you thought about how you weren't entirely blameless. You engaged with them, after all, and there was no doubt that you'd left a few of them injured.

"Please don't worry about it," you said. "It wasn't like I couldn't handle it."

Diavolo sighed. "That isn't the point, I'm afraid," he said. "It's against RAD policy to fight on the grounds."

You smirked a little. "Are you going to give me detention?"

Diavolo laughed. The sound filled you with a feeling of warmth and contentment. It was his usual laugh and it let you know that everything would be okay. "I don't think that will be necessary," he said. "But if there are students picking fights, I'll have to do something about it."

You put your hand on his where it still lingered by your bloody lip. "You can do something about it later, can't you? I could really use a hug right now."

Diavolo put his hand gently on your cheek then wrapped his other arm around you, pulling you close to him. After a moment he put his other arm around you, too, keeping you safe and warm in his embrace.

"I am so sorry this happened to you, MC," he said into your hair. "Please come back to the castle with me so I can be sure your injuries are properly cared for."

You pressed your cheek against his chest. "Are you really that worried about me? I can handle myself."

"I don't doubt you," he said. "But I would feel much better knowing you are being taken care of. Won't you indulge me?"

It wasn't like you could really refuse him. Especially not when you looked into his gold eyes and saw the deep concern there. So you would allow him to take you back to the castle, where you would stay for the rest of the night. You later heard about the rules regarding fighting at RAD becoming more strict.

Barbatos

You pressed your fingertips into your cheek in an attempt to stop the bleeding from a small cut you had gotten there. You felt that it was the most prominent wound, since it was right on your face, and while you couldn't exactly cover up all your bruises, you hoped you could at least stop the bleeding.

You were waiting for Barbatos in the gardens of the Demon Lord's Castle where you were meeting him for tea.

You weren't delusional. You knew you couldn't hide what had happened from Barbatos. But you still thought it would be better if you weren't actively bleeding.

When Barbatos finally arrived, he was carrying a tray of tea and pastries in his hands. The moment he saw you, he nearly dropped the tray, catching himself just in time. Still it tipped enough for a teacup to go flying off the edge, falling to the ground and smashing into tiny pieces.

You gasped and stood up, an unexpected reaction to the shattered teacup. "Oh don't worry, I can fix that," you said.

You couldn't look at Barbatos as you cast the spell to repair the cup. The pieces lifted into the air and fused back together. The cup landed in your palm, whole again. You straightened up and brought the cup over to where Barbatos was still standing, setting it on the tray before meeting his eyes.

There was an unmistakable aura of distress around him, even though his expression remained neutral. He carefully placed the tray on the table you had previously been sitting at.

"Thank you, MC," he said. "I'm afraid I lost my composure for a moment. I apologize for my clumsiness."

You had to hold in a laugh. Of course he would apologize to you for that. "Don't worry about it," you said.

You were about to sit back down at the table when he caught your arm. "I must inquire about your current state, MC."

You shrugged. "It's nothing important," you said. "Just a little altercation I was in on the way here. But I'm fine."

"I must disagree," Barbatos said. To your complete shock, he touched your cheek, leaving a smudged red stain on his spotless white gloves.

"Barbatos!" you cried, taking his hand. "You're getting my blood all over your gloves!"

It wasn't like Barbatos to allow his gloves to get dirty.

"A small matter compared to the fact that you are currently bleeding, MC," Barbatos said calmly. "You must allow me to tend to these wounds."

You sighed, squeezing his hand in both of yours. "All right. But first won't you…" You blushed, a little embarrassed to ask him to hold you.

But Barbatos knew what you wanted to say. He pulled you down into his lap as he sat down in one of the chairs by the table. You rested your head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around you, gently kissing your neck. Much later, he would bandage you up and give you some healing tea. But in that moment, his touch was like the magic you had used on the teacup - making you feel whole again.

Simeon

You fidgeted outside the door to Purgatory Hall. You had come here to spend some time with Simeon, studying while he worked on his latest novel. It was something you had gotten into the habit of doing recently. You were currently concerned about running into Luke and scaring him with the sight of your injuries.

You decided to send Simeon a message on your D.D.D. letting him know you were outside.

He sent you back a question mark sticker, clearly confused about why you didn't just knock on the door.

You waited for a moment instead of responding and the door opened to reveal Simeon, his expression just as confused as the sticker he sent.

"MC?" he asked. Then he got a decent look at you. "Oh, MC. What happened to you?" He grabbed your hand, pulling you inside.

"I'm fine," you said. "Can we just go to your room so I can study?"

Simeon frowned, but he did as you asked. He held your hand tightly as he led you down the hall to his room.

Fortunately, you didn't run into any of the other Purgatory Hall occupants.

When you reached his room, Simeon sat you down on his bed as he stood before you, fingers lightly touching the largest bruise on your face.

"I told you, I'm fine," you said again. "I just didn't want to scare Luke, that's all."

"I appreciate that you were concerned about Luke, MC," Simeon said. "But you really should be worried about yourself, too. These injuries are serious. They need treatment."

You groaned a little and leaned forward, letting your forehead rest on his stomach. "I knew you'd be worried about it," you said. "But I'm fine. And anyway, I'll really start to feel better if you just hold me for a bit."

Simeon chuckled. He gently pushed your head back to make you look up at him. "I could never say no to that," he said. "But you really should let me take care of this later." He let his fingers hover over the various places where you had developed bruises.

"Later," you agreed.

Simeon shook his head, but he sat beside you on the bed. He took you in his arms, leaning back against the pillows so you were lying on his chest. He ran his fingers down your back and kissed the top of your head.

"You really should be more careful in the Devildom, MC," he said.

You snuggled into him more. "It's fine. I can handle myself."

"I have no doubt of that," Simeon said. "But I'd rather you didn't get injured. I can only imagine how the demons you fought are faring."

"Let's just say they'll think twice before messing with me again," you said.

Simeon sighed, but he only held you a little closer.

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[taeraeszn]

hii! how r u :) i hope your requests are open and if they are could you maybe do something about zb1 realizing they missed a date with their partner and try to make it up to them?? its fine if you cant!

when zb1 misses a date with their partner

hey luv! thank you for requesting! just to let you guys know, my schedule is much more busier these days so i will be releasing out request slowly <3

anywho, i'm kinda excited to be doing the opposite of my last post?? obv it's not good that they stood their partner up but how the turn tables

also some of these probably don't even count but i thought some of the scenarios were so cute - sorry!!

warnings: mentions of food but i don't think there is any more?? (ik i say this ALL the time but i really try to avoid any touchy subjects/topics). but pls lmk if there are any!!

kim jiwoong

you were at the place you always met up with jiwoong, a simple park nestled in the heart of your city

jiwoong told you that he would be there in around 30 minutes but that thirty minutes turned up to be almost two hours of you waiting there

you were a bit hurt by your boyfriend's actions and decided to head home as it was reaching the two hour mark

the park was incredibly silent too, it seemed that you were the only person there

but just as you turned to begin walking home, a loud shout of your name came from behind you

"(NAME)!" you heard jiwoong call, he was running with a cap on as well as a black mask, clearly to hide his identity

"jiwoong??" your brows furrowed. when he finally came towards you, he was out of breath

"i-i'm so sorry! i was suddenly called in for practice and i couldn't just leave-"

you immediately shut him up with a hug, he was puzzled but softened into your embrace

"it's ok jiwoong. i understand that practice can hold you up. just please message me beforehand."

he was so thankful that you were understanding and held your hand

"thank you love. now what do you want to do?"

"i just want to relax with you, at home."

"okay then, lead the way my love."

rest of the members are under the cut!

zhang hao

zhang hao didn't technically miss your date, he actually showed up

but he did end up missing it because he ran into an old friend halfway through. the friend was clearly not happy to see you two with your hands interlinked together and decided to make up an excuse that they had no ride home as it was raining

zhang hao being the kind soul that he is didn't hesitate to step up and help, he told you he would be back in a few minutes

well that few minutes didn't happen as you had sat there in silence following his leave that was for nearly any hour. it was very awkward to say the least with everyone sending remorseful looks towards you

you sighed and got up to leave, you know that his friend did that purely to separate you two which pissed you off even more

as you were at the bus stop, you saw zhang hao's figure running towards you

"wait! baobei!" he shouted. you were still bothered by what happened but still gave your boyfriend a smile when he returned

"what are you doing here?" he asked, you gave him a slight smile, "i'm heading home."

"but my car is there." you sighed

"hao, i understand that you wanted to take them home but why did it take so long? i was sitting there by myself for an hour."

he noticed your disappointment and rubbed your shoulder, "i'm sorry. they just began talking with to catch up and i got ahead of time. please forgive me love. i promise i will make it up to you."

you put up your pinky finger to him, "promise?" he connected his pinky with yours, "promise." his warm smile reassured you

he then gently tugged your arm, "c'mon, let's go to my car. it's much better than the bus."

"let's go!" you held his hand and began walking to the parking lot

sung hanbin

for your 6 year anniversary, you two had planned a romantic date together. you were so happy to be with hanbin as he always made you feel special

but your excitement slowly faded away as hanbin had no sign of showing up, causing you sit there alone for nearly an hour

you had called and texted him but to no avail. at this point you were worried. maybe it was traffic? well yeah this was downtown so there must've been...or maybe something abruptly came up?

just then in the midst of your thoughts, there came hanbin an hour later with roses and something else small in his other hand

"happy anniversary love." he handed you the flowers and sat down with you. everyone in the restaurant was giving you smiles and happy looks to hanbin's appearance

"where have you been?" he smirked, "i've been planning something. actually, i've been planning it since we met that faithful day in class."

he got up from his seat and opened the small box that was in his hand to reveal a shiny ring, you gasped and then realized what he was doing

hanbin then got on one knee, causing everyone in the restaurant to share the same surprised expression

"(name), i love you and i want to spend the rest of my life with you, till death do us apart. you are my entire world and i can't imagine spending my future life without you as my partner. will you marry me?"

you were already tearing up and quickly nodded, "yes, yes, yes! a billion times yes! i will marry you hanbin!"

he then got up to spin you in his arms as everyone in the room clapped and congratulated you, hanbin slyly slid the ring down your finger as it shined

"it fit's perfectly." he sighed in relief, "oh thank god, i was worried it wouldn't because i didn't know your ring size."

you embraced him again, "thank you hanbin for choosing me."

"you know i'll always choose you love."

(this actually made me emo hELP ok moving on)

seok matthew

funny enough, matthew wasn't even supposed to miss your date, you two had it all planned out with what time you would go as well as getting your tickets early

but he got sick and had let you know beforehand, but you were incredibly sad as you were going to watch the movie that you both wanted to see together alone

though matthew told you to enjoy it, you couldn't help but feel a teensy bit guilty as matthew was telling you how much he wanted to see the movie

you wished he could've been beside you holding your hand or resting his head on your shoulder, also vice versa

you could barely focus on the film itself as you worried for your boyfriend's health

the credits finally rolled and you immediately made your way to matthew's place

as you opened the door, you heard the sounds of coughing and sneezing coming from his room. you rushed to his cabinet to get some medicine and walked into his room

"matt!" you said, he seemed relieved seeing you but you noticed how he was curled up into his blanket and the tissue box placed on his side table

"(name)! how was the movie?" you pulled him into a hug, not caring if you would get sick, "i missed you. it didn't feel the same without you."

he grinned, "so does that means i have an effect on you?"

you playfully rolled your eyes and you sat next to matthew in the cozy blanket, "yeah, yeah. a huge effect."

"but you didn't answer my question." he said, you shrugged, "it was good but i spaced out for most of the film. i just needed you with me."

he put your head gently on his shoulder, rubbing it. "you have me now for as long as you want."

kim taerae

(taerae is a businessman in this scenario)

you and taerae had been planning a romantic date night ever since he got the promotion at the company he was working for

it was a huge deal and you wanted to congratulate him in some way and give him something to relax with

but this promotion also meant that taerae would get more work that made him stay overtime at the building

you were worried that he would have to stay late on your date night, but taerae continuously reassured you that everything would work out fine

but of course the world isn't that perfect. your worries became reality as you were left alone at the chosen restaurant

you already knew something like this would occur and weren't even shocked when it happened

and then you got the text with taerae apologizing and stating that he would be coming home late. without thinking twice, you left the restaurant without ordering anything

you were up that night watching a tv show in your pj's when the door opened to your shared place, there you saw taerae in his suit. "your still up?" you hummed in response

he then came towards you and suddenly wrapped his arms around you, "i'm sorry. i know how much you wanted to go on that date."

you sighed, "this isn't about me taerae. i wanted you to have a night to relax so you could treat yourself. i'm happy you got your promotion but i wish you could have more time for yourself."

he pressed his lips on your forehead, "i know and i'll try my best to get my work done quicker so i don't worry you. i just want us to have a good life together. i'll do better."

you nuzzled your face in his chest as you hugged him, "thank you taerae. i know how hard you work."

shen ricky

you were waiting for ricky at the downtown aquarium that was well known in your city. you didn't realize how much you were checking the time on your phone waiting for him

"where is he?" you mumbled to yourself. standing by the door made it even more awkward as everyone was staring at you while walking into the front doors

you sighed as it was approaching the one hour mark and there was no sign of ricky arriving. did you do something? what would cause him to not come when he always came to your dates?

you decided to give up on waiting for him and took the train home in disappointment. not even a call or message, nothing, you were bitter to how your night went and just curled up in bed

a few minutes later, you heard frantic knocking at your door. it didn't take a genius to know who it was. when you opened it, you saw ricky holding a bouquet of roses as he handed it to you

"(name), i'm so sorry. it's a long story but i can explain."

you sighed, not knowing how to react to the situation you were faced with, "i don't know ricky. i just feel really let down."

"please, just let me in and we can talk. trust me, i would never leave you hanging on purpose."

you had no choice but to let him in, as you two were sitting on your couch, he handed you the bouquet

"i can assure you that i purposely didn't miss the date. the road i was usually go on got closed and i had to go the other route which took me longer than the regular route i take. by the time i got there, you were already gone."

everything finally made sense and now you felt kinda bad for feeling bitter before

"trust me (name). i love you so much. i'll do anything to make it up-" you quickly shut him up with a kiss on the lips. ricky paused for a second before naturally resting his hand on your side as he returned the favour

"it's okay ricky. just call me next time this happens so i'm not worried."

"next time, i promise i will."

kim gyuvin

"gyuvin where are you??" you asked, looking around the mall for any sight of him

"uh...it's a... long story." he said, pausing in between his words. you were confused to say the least as gyuvin promised to meet up with you at the nearby mall to grab some food and go shopping

"i have lots of time." you replied, just then you heard some people shouting in the background of his call

"gyu, who is that?" you asked, you waited for him to compose an answer as the call went silent for a while

"i'll call you back! i'm sorry something came up! i love you!"

the call then ended, causing you to be left with mixed feelings, what was even going on in that call? it was so random and unlike how gyuvin usually acts

a few hours passed and you were sitting at your dining table at home, devouring on some pasta you had just finished making when you got a facetime call from non other than kim gyuvin himself

you were reluctant to answer but did nonetheless. the first thing you saw was gyuvin running outside, seemingly out of breath. "gyuvin? what are you doing?"

he gave you a slight smile, "i want to talk to so i'm running to your house right now. i'm pretty sure i could win a marathon right now."

you faintly chuckled, "okay...but why?"

just then it cut and a few minutes later you were met with him at your door

"care to explain to me why i was left at the mall alone?" you questioned, he plopped down on your bed, making himself at home

"blame hanbin hyung, not me!" he put his hands up, "i had to stay at practice since i wasn't able to master the dance! i tried to run away but hanbin forced me to stay!"

it finally made sense, "oh...well i guess that explains it."

"yeah so stop being mad at me!" he exclaimed, "i won't! also you should be at the dorms right now."

he seemed unaffected and shrugged, "they can try and catch me but i just want to be with your right now."

park gunwook

there was a small place to grab food near where you and gunwook both lived and he kept begging you to go with him one day

you agreed and though you came at the right time, gunwook had seemed the forget about the date, leaving you by yourself

the owner of the shop, an older woman, noticed you and frowned, "what are you doing here alone?"

"oh well, i was supposed to meet with someone but they haven't showed up."

the owner was kind enough to offer you some free food due to your situation but it didn't get rid of the feeling you had inside of you

gunwook was someone who'd always remember important events or days so this caught you off guard

you ended your visit earlier than expected and began walking home when you felt someone grab your wrist

it was park gunwook, he had a guilty expression on his face, clearly feeling bad for what happened

"i know there's no excuses for missing our date but i promise you it wasn't intentional." he began, "i'm really sorry and if you want we can still go somewhere else to make up for it."

you were still wondering what had caused him to not show up in the first place

so you asked, "gunwook i know you have never missed our dates, what happened today?"

he sighed, "we set the fire alarm off in our dorm while cooking, i should've informed you beforehand."

your eyes widened, "WHAT? is everyone okay?!" he nodded, "yeah but it was mainly my fault."

you hit his chest, "you cooked didn't you?"

he shyly looked down, "i wanted to impress the members but i guess that didn't work out."

you poked his cheek, "you always impress me gunwook. you don't need to prove anything."

he grabbed your hand and began taking you somewhere, "let's go, i have to make up for what i did."

han yujin

well technically an indoor date, yujin had promised you that he'd come over to your house since you were home alone and wanted to watch the drama that you were both binge watching on your projector

so as you prepped the food and drinks, the minutes passed by and yujin hadn't shown up

this was concerning but your brushed it off as something came up. but then another hour passed and he still wasn't here

now it was becoming worrying and you called yujin, only for it to go to voicemail right away

deep down you felt upset that you prepared all of this only for your boyfriend to never show up, and as the night got darker, you began putting the food away and wrapping up for bedtime

your parents had also returned home from their day out so you weren't even home alone anymore

you didn't get an answer to any of this until yujin called you himself

"(name), please don't be mad. i really couldn't leave."

"what do you mean yujin? i prepared everything for us and yet you didn't show up." your tone was obviously very unpleased

"i know, and i'm sorry. i ended up running into a friend while heading to your house and we hung out, i didn't realize how quickly time went by and completely forgot about our date."

though his explanation did tell you why he didn't show up, you were still conflicted with if you should forgive him or not

"then...it's okay. if you want to hang out with your other friends too then that's fine with me."

"no, i want to be with you more than anyone. let's hang out tomorrow, my place. we can watch our drama together then to make up for today." he seemed very firm on wanting to be with you which caused you to grin

"okay, i'll see you tomorrow then. you better show up!" you exclaimed. he chuckled on the other end

"if i don't then you won't ever have to see me again." he joked, reminding you of how much he loved you

[bluem1ngs]

PAU CUBARSÍ | part 2 |

(scroll to bottom for part 1 of the story)

She was staring down at the box. It was laden with memories of their relationship, and him coming to her house to give her the things she had left at his place throughout the years struck her hard.

He entered her bedroom, and sighed, “I just wanted to make sure you had everything back.”

“You mean other than you?” she said, only then coming to realization, “Sorry.. that wasn’t fair.”

He almost scoffed, with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Pau,” she called out, stopping him from walking out the bedroom.

“You know when you couldn’t play for two months because of an injury two years ago?” she told him, “You told me that you took playing for granted before everything happened and you made a promise that if you had a second chance, you would do things differently.”

She sighed and took a shaky breath. "I know I hurt you... But I told myself that if I could get you to listen, I would tell you that," she stood up from the bed and walked over to him, "There was never a day while I was away that I didn't believe you were the best thing in my life."

He sighed and looked at her. "You can’t just say that, Daniela. Not after months of silence.”

“Why? It’s the truth.” she informed him.

"Really?" he inquired, and she replied, "Yeah."

"What about the day you threw our relationship away?" He asked her.

"You ended things between us," she reminded him, genuinely bewildered by his words.

"Yeah, after I drove a thousand miles to see you and you didn't even call me after I left!"

"Pau, you just walked away!" She argued back.

He shook his head and laughed dryly, "Well, that beats running away."

She told him sincerely, "I did call."

"You called my voicemail, Daniela!" he shouted, utterly irritated.

"Because I knew you were going to hang up on me anyway, so I had to leave a message!" she exclaimed, desperate to make her point.

He shrugged his shoulders and said, "I didn't even play it. I removed your contact."

She stared at him and let out a sigh of nearly dismay.

"Well, then you deleted this," she said, taking a deep breath. “I was being childish when I walked away from you to go find myself. I was being stubborn. I handled it completely wrong, and I can’t take that back, but I wish that I could. Did I want to explore new things? Yes, I loved every night of it where I was in different countries and finding my true passion.”

She looked at him with want and passion, saying, “But I want you to know something, Pau. There was never a night where I loved it more than I loved you.”

He merely glanced back at her, unsure how he felt.

"Daniela," he said, "Let’s not get off to a bad start. I’ll see you later." With that, he left the bedroom.

When she heard the front door open and close, she sat down in her bed and took in everything.

When she heard a knock on the front door, she walked over to open it, surprised to see him standing there after days of silence.

"Hey, can I talk to you?" He asked her.

She stared at him and nodded.

She walks out of the house and closes the front door behind her.

"I just wanted to say sorry. I shouldn’t have left your house like that the other day," he apologized to her.

She merely glanced at him and said, "It's okay."

“Not really,” he breathed. “Look, I’ve been avoiding you these past few days because I’m still mad, I mean about everything.”

She takes a deep breath and anxiously wipes her hair away from her face.

“Pau, I need to ask you something, and I really don't want you to take it the wrong way, but," she stared deeply into his eyes, "I need to know what you want from me... or from us. W-What are we now?"

He shrugged, serious expression on his face, "I don't know."

She glanced at him and inquired, "What do you want us to be?"

He sighed, “I don’t know, Daniela. I can’t answer that right now.”

She exhaled, “I can. I want us to be together.”

"Why?" He inquired, perplexed, "I mean, we're so far from... who we used to be. Why fight for it?"

She informed him, "Because I love you."

He sighed and looked at her, “I know we promised to give us a second chance, and I won’t break it… but it’s hard for me to forget everything.”

She returned his gaze, holding her necklace in a comforting gesture.

“I’m going to head back home, alright?” he told her and began to walk away.

She called out “Pau,” and he turned around.

“I'm not going anywhere," she said. He slightly smiled and nodded his head.

She watched him leave her front yard and thought to herself.

Wearing the team jersey, with his name on the back there she stood in the stadium.

He gave her the jersey the day he registered for the first team, and he loved seeing her with his name on her back, but it almost hurt him that day.

Everything between the two was uncertain, with unspoken words remaining between them that had yet to be addressed. Regardless of how complicated things were, she continued to support him.

He asked her to wait for him in the tunnel once the game was over, and she did.

He entered the tunnel and was taken aback to see her standing there. Deep down, he didn't trust her, and he was almost certain she would leave him again.

She takes a deep breath and brushes her hair almost nervously away from her face.

“You played well today. Thank you for inviting me.” She tells him and met his eyes but received nothing in return.

He sighed, finally meeting her gaze, "Listen, Daniela, don't worry about us."

She nodded, her eyes heavy with sorrow.

He looked at her with loving eyes and said, "Our love is still there... it just takes time."

She hugged him and exhaled shakily. He stood there, holding her in his arms.

She drew away from his embrace and stared at him with complete adoration.

"Call me later if you want to talk or..." she laughed slightly, a smile on her lips.

He nodded and bit his lip with a smile.

Just as she turned to walk away, her phone rang. She saw the screen light up with his name on it.

She turned around to see him walking over to her, his phone in his ear, and a goofy smile on his lips.

He put his around her shoulder, and the two walked out of the stadium together.

She opened the front door to find him standing there.

"Wow, two times in one week?" She joked, making him chuckle.

His laughter subsided, and he only smiled at her.

She stood there wearing a blue button-up shirt and jeans, her hair curled and voluminous. He always admired her elegance and refinement.

"Were you going somewhere?" He asked her, hands in his pockets.

"Oh, no, I went grocery shopping earlier." She asked him, with a sweet grin, "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see if I could take you out," he said, and she smiled knowingly.

“Of course," she replied, her smile widening.

She grabbed her purse and they set out for the city.

They walked side by side in silence, looking ahead at Barcelona.

She looked across at him, and he seemed upset about something.

"What's wrong?" she questioned him sincerely.

He looked across at her, unable to control the slight smile on his lips.

"Nothing," he told her, but she saw right through his lies.

She flashed him a look and he knew that he couldn't get away with it.

“I’m just kinda worried about everything. I mean, there’s a lot of things going on right now like the league, the champions coming up… and wanting to fix things with you.” He spoke softly, meeting her gaze.

She merely glanced back at him, completely enamored by him.

"You know for most of my life I would've gone through most things like this alone, but then I met you, and I finally found someone that I could depend on when life got like this," He glanced at her, looking intently into her eyes. "So I guess I wanted to see you tonight because I wanted to know if that was still there for us."

"Pau, you can always talk to me," she informed him, and he nodded as she spoke.

She took his hand, and he glanced up at her. She stood there, offering him a soothing smile.

The two started walking down the streets hand in hand.

"What should we do first?" he asked, instantly meeting her beaming eyes.

She nearly dragged him into the thrift store, and he eagerly followed her around the aisles.

She put a hat on his head and turned her head to see every angle of his face. He only grinned, taking the time to admire her.

He picked one of the sets of sunglasses on display and placed it on her nose. She giggled and gave him a funny look.

As they walked out of the store, she held her wrist against his, admiring the matching bracelets they had just bought.

He couldn't take his eyes off of her. She is the most beautiful woman, physically and emotionally.

"How about we order some food to your house?" he asked, and she looked up at him.

"I also have some ice cream in the fridge," she said, smiling, and he smiled back at her.

The two sat on her couch, a pint of ice cream between them.

With the spoon in her mouth, she used her hands to lift her hair and put it up into an effortless French twist. She only then noticed the silly look on his face.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She questioned him, smiling, "Do I have ice cream on my face?" and attempted to wipe anything from her mouth away.

"It's not that, I was just remembering," he responded, laughing.

She asked, setting down her spoon, "Remembering what?"

"Your hair." he smiled, recalling, "You wore it that way the day I met you."

"You remember how I wore my hair the first day we met?" She gushed, teasing him but yet absolutely taken with the fact that he remembered something so little.

"Of course," he smiled and leaned in to kiss her lips. She carefully drew them apart and relished the kiss.

She bit her lip in a beautiful small smile, "Thank you," to which he inquired, "For what?"

"For giving us a second chance." she whispered, and he only smiled, kissing her lips once again.

(part 1 here)

[iwantacoolusernameman]

Akaashi Keiji x Fem! Reader

『Playing Pretend』

Part 2 of The Moment I Knew.

The pain eased in the coming days but what stayed with you was this new realization you had made about your feelings. It almost baffled you how you were so blind to it before but looking back it was so obvious that it had always been him for you. However, one question still lingered on your mind: did he see you in the same light?

Rummaging through all your memories with him you almost made yourself believe that yes, he did but then again, he was your friend after all and what if he was just, well, friendly? So you made a point to be more careful with his calls and texts from then on, not because you were an asshole who ghosted people but because you felt paralyzed everytime his name popped up on the screen. Tongue-tied was an understatement of the state you were in. You just couldn't allow yourself to be friendly with him like you were before. What if your feelings for him only grew the more time you spent with him and you'd have to always pretend to just be a friend because there was no way you'd put down your guard and ask if he felt same? How easy it sounded, to ask a single question, but vulnerability was not your strongest suit.

Your short replies to his text messages and the way you'd find excuses to quickly end the phone calls did not fly over his head however. And he had a hunch on why you were suddenly seeming to avoid him. You must have been pissed that he didn't show up to your birthday party despite promising that he'd be there, right?

Keiji closed his laptop with a sigh and rubbed the tiredness from his eyes. As if he wasn't already stressed out enough because of work, the way you were distancing yourself from him only pissed him off even more. It was late but he didn't care, he needed to talk to you, understand why he was being avoided like the plague by the person he wanted to hold closer than anyone else in the world.

Your phone started buzzing, interrupting your reading time on the couch. Seeing the name on your screen you shut your book with a loud thud and hesitantly answered the call.

"Do you know how late it is, Keiji?" You tried your best to sound non-chalant, hoping the beating of your heart didn't shook your voice.

"I know you don't sleep at this hour. We need to talk."

You gulped. He waited for a moment and then spoke again when he was met with your silence.

"Actually, forget it. You're right, it's late and I don't wanna say something I'll regret. But we still need to talk so let's meet up. Tomorrow. Can you make it tomorrow?"

For a second you considered lying to him, making another excuse, telling him you were busy already but your mouth already spoke while your mind was busy with thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm free tomorrow."

"Good. At the usual café? Is 10 a.m. good?"

"Yeah."

"Ok.. I'll see you tomorrow. Night."

"Yeah.. good night."

The phone call ended, leaving you alone with your hammering heart in your chest. You had spent the entire week avoiding him and now you were supposed to meet him tomorrow? With a deep exhale you stood up from the couch and made your way to your bedroom. Sleep seemed to be the only cure to keep your mind quiet right now.

I brought this upon myself, you thought to yourself, laying in your bed, and you also couldn't deny the fact that he did deserve an explanation from you.

>>next day

At the café you paced back and forth on your seat, staring into space. When was he gonna show up? Your probably tenth glance at the clock on the café's wooden walls told you that you were just on time, even a bit early. And as if he had somehow read your mind he showed up right then, with that little smile on his face as he greeted you, causing you to feel an uncharacteristic flutter in your stomach. A wide smile appeared on your red lips against your own will. What was that promise you'd made to yourself about never wearing lipstick to impress anyone again? You were thinking to yourself how you must've lost your mind when you were putting it on infront of your bathroom mirror but that clearly hadn't stopped you.

And there he was, your friend who you had fallen in love with and he had no clue. How could he? You didn't even have a clue up until your birthday party last week. But now that you knew it seemed like it had been infront of your eyes all this time. Just how many times had you already lost yourself in those dark blue eyes while a feeling of home spread inside your chest? Just how many times had you spend hours deciding on what to wear when you would meet up with friends and you knew he was gonna be there? Certainly more than you'd like to admit.

"Did you order yet?" He asked as he sat down across from you and you didn't miss the way his eyes momentarily flickered to the unusal for you color on your lips.

You shook your head. "Nope. Waited for you."

"Didn't have to."

"I know. What are you getting?"

His eyes skimmed over the menu sheet on the table and he shrugged. "Probably the same as always, you?"

"I think I wanna try something new." You hoped that trying something new would maybe help you get your mind at least a little bit off of him and your feelings, something to distract you. Gosh, at this point you didn't even know how to behave around him anymore. Part of you wanted him to be yours so badly, to tell him about your feelings whilst another part of you screamed to never let it show, that you'd get disappointed and hurt and ruin something that was good as it was. As your mind and heart played tug of war with each other, you tried your best to remain calm and like your usual self.

He looked at you with a raised brow. "Y/n changing her routine?"

"Well," you awkwardly smiled at him and scratched the top of your nose. "I'm feeling up for a change."

His eyes fell onto your bright red lips again before meeting your eyes. "I can see that."

Suddenly you were starting to regret your choices. All of them. The avoiding him in first place. The agreeing to meet him. And the red lipstick. Although on the other side of the coin, another part of you felt a little triumphant flutter in your heart evertime you caught his eyes scanning your face, getting used to the new look.

After Keiji got his usual Caramel Latte and you were staring at your never tried before Lavender Latte, an uncomfortable silence fell between you two. Thankfully the distracting chatter around you made it feel easier to bear.

"The reason I wanted to meet you," he finally spoke, "is because I wanted to properly apologize for missing your birthday party."

"What?" You looked at him with confusion. "No! No, Keiji. You already did. It's fine."

"It didn't feel enough over the phone. And I also wanted to know if you're mad at me that I missed it." His fingers casually wrapped around the hot mug, he looked at you with a serious expression seeking a genuine answer.

You were about to try the new drink but his question caught you off guard and instead you set your drink down on the table a little harder than intended, causing the spoon to stir and clatter agains the glass. " No! Of course not!"

"Then why have you been avoiding me?"

"I wasn't- I-" your mouth stayed open as you tried to find an excuse to sell him but nothing. "Look, I didn't mean to."

"But you did. If it's not because of the party, why is it then?"

Because I realized that I fell for you and I'm terrified of you not returning my feelings and hurting me because I don't think I could handle that!

That's what you would've loved to tell him but of course you couldn't. No, you wouldn't. You didn't trust yourself to be able to handle it if he didn't react well. The risk was too big for you.

He let out a frustrated sigh when you gave him nothing but silence to his question. Maybe you two got along so well because of your stubborness. Like calls like, was it? He mentally shook away his thoughts of how well you two seemed to match even in your less positive traits and brought his focus back to you.

"You don't usually wear that shade." He remarked and your heart smiled all over again. It wasn't even about the color or what he thought of it. Just the fact that he seemed to take notice of little things about you made you want him even more. It felt so unfair that he was close enough to touch yet so far.

"Like I said," you stirred the spoon around in your fancy drink, avoiding his gaze and keeping up the casual facade. "Feeling up for a change."

"Should I be worried?"

"Oh no!" You looked up from your drink and dismissively waved your hand between you two. "Nothing like that. I'm ok, just.. y'know."

"I don't know, you're gonna have to elaborate."

Man, he's stubborn.

"Well, people change." You replied. A lame excuse and you knew that too.

"Im aware of that." His gaze bore into you.

"Like all the time," you continued.

"I know. What's your point?"

"You know what, it's nothing." The sip you took from your latte made you scrunch up your face. "I'm just yapping."

He took a sip from his familiar drink as well, then put his glasses, fogged up from the coffee steam, down on the table. "You're not a yapper."

"I'm a changed person now. Get used to it."

"Honestly, what's up with you?" The frustration was catching up and lacing around his words now and suddenly you felt like you were running out of time. You didn't mean to mess with him but you couldn’t deny that it probably seemed like that was exactly what you were doing.

"So you noticed my new lipstick shade," you tried to buffer by changing the topic and messing a little with him, a part of you unable to hold back from testing the waters a little after all. No, honestly, what was up with you? All those mixed signs you were giving him made a little frown appear over Keiji's face.

"What are you implying?"

"Nothing."

"I'm sure." He honestly didn't even know why he was still putting up with you at this point. Something made you act weird. Weirder than usual and he could tell you were hiding something from him when a light suddenly went on in his brain.

"Is there someone you like?" he asked you very straight-forward, his suddenly flat tone and expression hiding his uneasy anticipation to your answer.

"I mean," he went on as he noticed the way you stared at him with wide eyes and at a loss for words. "The new style, the way you've been ignoring me, probably cause your head is totally elsewhere, and let's not forget how you're acting all strange lately, I just thought, I don't know, maybe there's someone who's been occupying your mind. You seem a bit out of it. Like you're not quite here, but not in a bad way. Just in a.. bit of a different way."

Was there any way you could possibly talk yourself out of this? Your mind shot hundreds of excuses your way, all of them sillier than the one before. Probably not, you realized. But you still didn't feel ready to confess the truth.

"I'm taking that as a yes?" he said, a little unsure, when you still didn't answer.

"No!" You finally said, feeling your face heat up. "There's nothing like that, I really just needed a change."

"Ok.. then let me get a few things straight and I'm gonna need your full attention here, with me." He looked at you with a serious gaze and you nodded. "You're not mad I didn't show up at your birthday party?"

"No."

"And that's certainly not the reason you've been distancing yourself?"

"No."

"But you admit you've been distant?"

"I guess.." your eyes cast down on your drink like a kid who got caught causing trouble.

"Why?"

"I can't tell you?"

"So you're telling me it's none of my business."

"Yeah."

"So I was right about there being somebody you've got your eye on," he inquired, leaning back in his seat with his arms crossed.

"No! Just- let it go. Please."

"Fine. But only if you stop avoiding me."

You hesitated a little. "I will."

"Good."

Both of you exhaled in relief into the silence, the tension slowly melting away. You didn't dare take another sip from your drink, partially because it tasted terrible and partially because you felt like your heart was gonna jump out of your throat any second now.

"How's the drink?" He asked after taking the last sip of his own bevarage and putting his glasses back on.

"It's gross, wouldn't recommend," you replied, stirring the liquid around with a spoon. "And.. uhm- thanks for the birthday gift by the way. Bokuto made sure I'd get it and double and triple checked and asked me if he'd already given it to me."

You smiled at the memory of Bokuto excitedly handing the present over to you and Akaashi nodded slighty, more to himself than to you.

"I was a bit hesitant to trust him with it but he was very enthusiastic to play delivery guy for me."

You chuckled, the image of Bokuto trying to prove to Akaashi what a trusted delivery guy he'd be flashing in your mind.

"Good thing we have him," you chuckled.

"Yeah." Despite his calmer demeanour you could tell that there was still a restlessness in the air around him.

"You know," he started again, proving your feeling right. "You'd do both of us a huge favor by just speaking up about what's on your mind."

"Can I tell you a different time?"

His expression softened, a bit surprised that you gave in so easily this time, and he silently nodded.

You sighed. It wasn't like you didn't want to tell him, you were just too scared as of right now and needed a little more time. Until then you had no choice but to keep playing pretend.

[positivelybeastly]

Don’t know if you’ve answered this before but what are your unpopular opinions on Beast? I’ll go ahead and make myself look bad to start by admitting that, while I hate how Trish went about it, I honestly don’t know if I would find myself attracted to cat Beast if I had been actively dating him up to that point. It would cross the line for me from “human covered in fur” to “literal anthro animal” and I have never been a furry, personally. It’s don’t know if there’s any “good” way to break up over that, and I’d hate myself, but I can at least relate to Trish on the changeup.

So, here's the thing, Anon - I don't think you look bad by admitting that you don't think you'd be able to handle Hank's change from humanoid to leonine. Hank himself could barely handle it. And it brings to mind a clip from Star Trek: The Next Generation, from an episode called The Host.

Basically, Beverly here has seen a romantic partner, Odan, change bodies twice in a very short space of time due to emergency circumstances, and now Odan is in a female presenting body, which compounds Beverly's confused feelings about how to process a very tricky and complicated situation.

I don't think anyone can really blame her for finding it hard and saying no to the relationship, honestly? She's open and she's honest about her feelings, and Odan is disappointed, but they understand, because this has been hard for Beverly just like it's been hard for them. And that's where Beverly and Trish differ.

Like, the way Trish did it? Over the answering machine? Like, just. No. That's the kicker. That's always been the kicker. And the way that she said it? Like, you had every opportunity in the world to delete that message, stop halfway through what you were saying and start again, say it in a way that didn't hurt Hank's feelings - and you chose not to. That's always been the part that's hurt the most.

This woman has presented live news coverage. She knows the importance of choosing her words carefully. She should know better. Which implies that this is just the best way she could see how to handle it, and that is a bad look. It speaks to a lack of empathy and a lack of emotional intelligence, which is on brand for Trish, given how she treated Warren after his wings were damaged by Harpoon, but it's still very, very disappointing to me.

There's never an obligation to love someone after they change. There is an obligation to treat them with kindness and respect, especially when they're struggling with the change, too.

Anyway! You wanted some unpopular opinions?

The X-Men use Beast and don't provide him with adequate emotional support afterwards, in part because they're all too wrapped up in their own problems, and in part because Hank does too good of a job of pretending that he's all right when he's really not. This is compounded by the fact that Hank's closest bonds are with the O5 and not the second generation team (Logan, Ororo, Piotr, etc), so the instant he's on a team that doesn't possess an O5 member, or it possesses an O5 member that he's on bad terms with, things go sour for his mental health, especially if he's expected to do something morally unscrupulous. There is intense significance to the fact that Hank left Utopia after Warren shut him out of his life, Bobby failed to provide emotional support after his torture, and Scott continued to change into a man Hank didn't recognise or approve of.

2. Beast's moral decline was not inevitable and it could have been completely avoided if only the X-Men would stop dragging him into their bullshit and pressuring him to do things he doesn't want to do. Furthermore, the complete lack of taking responsibility by Cyclops, Xavier, Storm, Rogue, Wolverine, or any of the other team leaders who asked Hank to compromise his morals upon seeing where he ended up in X-Force is disappointing, but not unexpected. No, Domino, he was not "always like this."

3. The 'lack of consequences' that Hank suffered as a result of his mistakes and errors in judgement prior to X-Force are not his fault, and are an indictment of poor story handling from 2012 onwards rather than him trying to avoid responsibility for those actions. Hank is, when properly characterised, a person who believes in personal responsibility and owning his decisions.

4. Hank is blatantly obviously bisexual and/or gay. If you ever say that he is the 'straightest X-Man' as a pejorative, I will immediately, and without hesitation, block you.

5. Ben Percy is a fatphobic hack and wanted to write furry blue Mr. Sinister. His characterisation of Beast is, without qualification, embarrassingly bad, and it's clear that everything he knows about the character has been gleamed from Wiki skims. Jordan D. White also holds some of the blame here for not putting his foot down and saying, no, that's not how Beast would act, but frankly, I'm not surprised a modern Marvel editor was failing to do his job on both a micro or macro level.

6. Beast's physical strength has largely been forgotten about by many modern Marvel writers, and further exemplifies how little they care about leveraging what is unique about the character. He was the original X-Men's Big Guy. He is strong. He is fast. He is nimble. He is a threat on the battlefield and can go toe to toe with Captain America. Stop making him job like he's Worf and reducing him down to his intellectual capabilities only, I'm tired of it.

7. The idea that a two dimensional war criminal (no, the idea that you're doing something bad for good reasons is NOT a nuanced one) is somehow more 'interesting' than a intellectual character being forced to battle his morality, bestial instincts, pessimism, and existential dread, is insulting, and betrays an immature approach to characterisation that I can only hope people grow out of.

Characters should grow and change, absolutely. But if that change is making the character worse, stripping him of everything that makes him unique, and shitting on years of better stories? Then it's a bad change. That's not my nostalgia talking, that's my storytelling instincts alerting me to the fact that you're an edgy 14 year old, in mind if not in actuality.

8. Cat Beast is fucking hot, I don't give a fuck if that makes me a furry. Give me his phone number right now, I'll do what Trish Tilby was too cowardly to do. (No judgement on you, Anon, I'm just an unrepentant monster fucker.)

9. S.W.O.R.D Hank is cute as fuck and I absolutely love him in this art style, y'all just need to be more open minded about artists who exaggerate for effect and believe in good expression work at the expense of realism. It's comic books. Let characters look goofy.

10. Beast wasn't being an obstinate bitch on Utopia because he didn't like Scott, he was being an obstinate bitch because he was heavily depressed, morally and emotionally compromised, and regularly having chunks taken out of him physically. He made the correct, healthy decision to remove himself from a situation that was destroying him by inches.

Cyclops was correct to make the calls that got mutantkind through, but Beast was just as correct that a lot of what they were doing was morally abhorrent, and someone had to remember that and remind everyone what they were losing by doing these things, because if you don't, that's how you end up with supervillains. It's not a random coincidence that Cyclops ended up disbanding his version of X-Force later on, because he knew it went too far.

11. Hank is not a traitor to mutantkind. No, he did not 'side' with the Inhumans with Inhumans vs. X-Men, he wanted to abide by the treaty that they had established, work to maintain a peace, and, when that wasn't viable, he didn't want to be part of a pre-emptive strike against an allied power that broke rules of engagement in order to inflict cruel and unusual punishments on people, including sensory deprivation, mental hijacking, and imprisoning people in fucking Limbo.

If you want to blame Hank for 'betraying' mutantkind, are you also going to hold Emma accountable for trying to commit genocide with Sentinels, or Storm for being a fucking idiot and starting a conflict over nothing, when she could have just let Hank go and tell the Inhumans what he'd found out, and the entire conflict could have been avoided? Either IvX is non-canon garbage or it isn't, but own your fucking decisions. Don't pick and choose so you can shit on Hank. This applies just as much to the fandom as it does the writers.

12. Beast is underutilised in fan works because a lot of writers don't feel comfortable writing his unique dialogue style and artists struggle with his myriad mutations (which I don't blame them for, professional artists struggle just as much, if not more so). He is a friend to everyone in the X-Men, someone that they would feel comfortable talking to about their problems with, and every time you reduce him down to just being a plot device, you do your story a disservice.

Yes, this may or may not be influenced by the AO3 Hank McCoy tag 70% stories where he delivers medical/science exposition, 20% First Class AUs, and 10% fics that dive into Hank as a character. 5% of which are probably written by me, because I have a problem.

Those unpopular enough for ya, anon? :P

[melliotwrites]

Why was Anthony’s part in I Breath In, You Breath Out changed from his little “Do you love him or just what his last name implies?” to him not coming in till the end?

Good question! The new B-section in I Breathe in, You Breathe Out is a callback to Hao's I Want Song (which of course nobody knows because it wasn't part of the reading, but the reprise is meant to underscore Hao's character development -- he goes from wanting to avoid the past and not get too attached to any one place in his first song, to caring deeply about Józef and the ranch and wanting them to know him in what is basically his last song.)

Someone in the rehearsal process (maybe our director? I forget) pointed out to me that it is super rude for Anthony to intrude upon Hao recounting all his sweet memories with his boyfriend by asking if he really loves him. I think part of this adjustment process was that I didn't realize how powerful the I Don't Know You Anymore + I Breathe In, You Breathe Out double-whammy was until I saw them performed. Hao is really Going Through It™ at this point in the show -- the last thing we want to hear is Anthony questioning whether or not Józef is in love with him, or whether Hao loves Józef. It came across as insensitive at best and funny at worst, which is not where we wanted to land in that moment.

I did love "Do you love him or just what his last name implies?", but it felt a little overwritten for the moment -- I decided it was a kill your darlings situation. A lot of this overall reshaping of the Ghost Story script was sublimating themes that were explicit in our first draft to make the story smoother (and make the piece more complex and interesting!) We know the musical is about race and identity, but when a character says "Well, how does your race and identity play into that?" it means the story... collapses, for lack of a better word. I sometimes liken it to seeing the edge of a metal skeleton through a beautiful fabric creature-- yeah, I know the writers have a message they want to give me, but I also want to believe that they didn't and I figured it out all by myself. This is what "overwritten" means to me -- written defensively and awkwardly, to prevent misunderstanding, instead of as a complicated, delicate compact between the writer and the audience, assuming good intent on both sides.

So, the main impetus behind that edit was to make that moment a little more soft, subtle, and gentle. Sure, Anthony is doubting whether Joey likes him (and whether he likes Joey,) but we thought if he didn't ask those questions directly, he can have a more complex relationship to the past couple than just "figuring out what love is." Now, seeing Hao regret not discussing his past with Józef allows him to realize he's avoiding the same thing with Joey -- and that he might not have as much time as he thinks to figure out if he loves him. The similarities between their relationships, pointed out in the final verse, allows Anthony to believe Joey loves him -- but the B-section tells him what he has to do about it, and encourages him to test that love (and be ok with walking away if Joey can't handle him being honest about his cultural background.) This take on that moment also lead more neatly into The Ballad of Jimmy July, which didn't exist before.

There were also some minor lyrical things I never felt were quite perfect in the last B-section; I didn't want to be misunderstood to be endorsing the opinion that Only People In Love Can Have Sex with the "feels like a chore" line; obviously consenting adults should be able to have sex with whoever they want, and one kind isn't better or worse than the other. And for some reason rhyming "stew" and "you" always bothered me -- the reason "stew" was in there at all is to adapt a Chinese idiom (basically "those in love can survive on water alone"), but it always felt awkward to me, especially for its important placement as the second-to-last line in the B-section. Sorry for getting granular with it, haha! Writing lyrics is hard and one detail can fix or topple a whole song. Hope that's interesting!

~Mel

[areus-in-a-little-cave]

I haven't seen anyone post it so here's Shelby's second statement on Twitter:

[Image ID: Two screenshots of text written by Shubble and posted on @/shelbygraces on Twitter. They read: "I've thought a lot about what I would say when I came back. Firstly I want to say the biggest thank you to everyone showing their support. I have never felt so loved and cared for. And I've never seen so many communities come together to have somebody's back like this. I'm so proud of everyone taking such a powerful stance against these actions. I never could have imagined this response. While I didn't do this for myself, through sharing my story I have healed more parts of myself I had no idea were still pained.

I'd like to address the apology. Quite frankly I've never seen an apology so self centered. It seems to purposely misconstrue the issue I very clearly laid out. My issue was not with being bit. It was with being HURT. And to vaguely apologize for "any hurt" while knowing we needed a safe word because I was being hurt so often on accident, and I continued to be hurt daily, is incredibly disrespectful. But not more disrespectful than not even saying my name. I believe I am referred to as "ex girlfriend" so if you don't know who he's talking about, you might now find out what he did. This is not how you take accountability.

Not only are there no dms whatsoever where it is expressed that I enjoy being hurt by my partner, to imply there was consent in text over an issue that entirely happened in person, where every conversation about it happened in person, is ridiculous. He knows how often I asked him to stop hurting me, that I didn't like it and that I didn't like being covered in bruises all the time. Entirely why he switches to biting my legs, so no one would think I looked abused. But he continued to hurt me. He either didn't take my pleas for it to stop seriously, or he didn't hear them at all.

I felt lost for so long, truly losing myself in this relationship. I abandoned my personal morals, neglected friends and lied for this person. With every time I spoke up being ignored, I shrank. I lost my fight. I stayed locked in a house I had no key for and didn't even try to leave anymore. People ask why we stay, and it's so hard to explain ourselves because we've abandoned all our reasoning. I wasn't safe anymore with this person but I couldn't see that. I loved him and he told me he'd try to stop hurting me.

I'm deeply saddened by how many more friends were hurt by his actions. But I'm so thankful to everyone doing the absolute most in making sure I've been ok over the last few days. Thank you to everyone who's reached out to me. Thank you #ShubbleSupportSquad, every day I read your messages and see your art, and it makes me feel truly like the bravest girl in the world. I think the good that comes out victims sharing their experiences so others can learn and avoid similar pain, or come to terms with ways they were mistreated, is the most important thing in this moment.

You cannot treat people this way without consequence. You cannot pretend you don't know the harm you cause. You cannot pretend going to therapy fixes all past mistakes. All of the love that's been shared for me over the past few days, is for every victim of abuse. Our lives are forever changed by these experiences. I now struggle with memory problems and extreme anxiety. And it may be awhile before I feel fully like myself, whoever she is. But I know I have my spark back. Please remember how brave and how strong you are. We shouldn't be expected to be silent when we are mistreated." End ID]

[gatergirl79]

Though Lovers Be Lost - Alternate Ending

The gnawing feeling followed Alistair through the rest of the morning. After James left he tried to go back to bed, but he just couldn't shut his mind off enough to fall back to sleep. So instead, he cleaned the kitchen, took a shower and decided to head into the shop early.

Sitting in the back of his cab, he stared out the window with tried itchy eyes, no idea how he was meant to focus on work while worrying about his damn idiot boyfriend. Perhaps he should have simply used a dart on the man. Regretfully, there wasn't an amnesia dart strong enough to wipe away the ridiculous vendetta he had against Harry.

Of course, Alistair knew it wasn't really about Harry. It never had been. It had always been about James' own insecurities. Deep down, he believed he wasn't good enough. That he was only there because Lee Unwin died. And it was all made worse by the guilt and shame he'd been carrying since that fateful day in 1997.

I should have done it. I should have thrown myself on that grenade. James had said one dark night after a rough mission he'd barely survived, as he sat in Alistair's living room, an half empty bottle of tequila in front of him. But I didn't react quick enough. Lee did. Lee saw it, just like he would have seen the trip wire.

Their relationship had started that night.

Alistair had often wondered if Lee's death haunted James because he'd felt more than friendship for the man. He'd never asked, hadn't wanted to know, in all honesty, but he couldn't think of another explanation for why he was still so angry.

"Sir?" His drivers voice pulled him from his thoughts.

"Thank you Jacob." He muttered, shoving open the cab door.

The shop wasn't due to open for another few hours, but Alistair was buzzed in and he made his down to the bullet train that would take him to Camelot. The journey while quicker than driving, it still left him time to think and worry.

Pulling out his phone, he typed a message. Have you arrived?

He let out a shaky sigh when he didn't instantly get a reply and swallowed thickly against his racing heart. He couldn't even lie to himself and say it was because he was underground, because Kingsman phones were made to avoid that particular issue.

He tapped his foot anxiously against the floor of the train and typed again.

Can you just tell me your safe

But still no reply. His grip tightened on his phone, if James was in the middle of a rescue or fleeing he obvious would be able to take five seconds to text back.

But he also wouldn't be able to text back if he were dead.

By the time the bullet began to slow, Alistair had made up his mind to go visit Merlin and demand he find James.

Alistair's eyes widened when the doors opened to reveal his idiot boyfriend.

"What's got you lookin' so worried?"

"Why didn't you answer my texts." Alistair all but yelled, his voice echoing off the walls.

James has the good sense to look guilty, "I figured you were on your way her so why bother."

"Why bother?" He growled, clenching his fists at his side. "I'd hit you if I didn't love you so much."

James smiled and took a step forward, pulling Alistair into a hug, "I love you too. And I'm sorry." He added quietly before leaning in to kiss him.

With a satisfied hum, Alistair pulled back, "Your forgiven, but we should stop for Merlin makes us clean out the kennels again.

James smiled, "It'll be worth it." He muttered, leaning it again.

It was another couple of minutes before they finally separated, and it occurred to Alistair to ask, "What about your rescue mission?"

"I decided to heed your warning. I gave all my information to Merlin instead. He said he'd look into it."

With a long relieved exhale, Alistair nodded, "Good. Thank you."

Canon Compliant Version