#I was already reveling in how amazing the art is <33< /div>
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MY HEAARTT đđ
sooo two days late here's my thing for @sketchbookweek Day 2 - Past/Future / Hilda
uhh this one is a fic, unfortunately for everyone. the fic part is. under the cut. I'm gonna go hide in my fridge now byeee
In which Hilda reflects on how life has changed since she left the wilderness.
âââ
The wilderness never seemed to change, when Hilda returned there. Sure, new plants sprung up and new creatures made their homes there, it was one mountain short and a few woodland paths had become overgrown in her absence (which made trekking through them more fun, actually), but everything that mattered was still there.
The trees cast dappled patterns on the ground the way she remembered as she made her way underneath them. The grass felt the same underfoot, just like when sheâd walked these paths as a child, even after all these years. There was the same gentle breeze rustling her jacket and catching in her hair, the same sense of peace that settled in her soul, that told her she was back where she belonged.
It was all just as it had been the day she left. Well, except for one thing -Â
âYouâre it!â
Hilda jumped as something small and pink crashed into the back of her leg, slightly knocking her off-balance. Before she could react, her little sister bounded away from her, taking off up the forest path.
âWha - hey!â Hilda called after her with mock-indignation, while Mattie ran further up the trail, giggling gleefully.
âYou canât catch meeee!â
Hilda grinned. âOh, itâs on,â she said, getting ready to break into a run. Before she could move, she heard Mumâs voice ring out behind her.
âHilda, just donât go too far, okay?â She called, making Hilda turn her head. She and Kaisa were standing at a fork in the path several yards back, but in the quiet of the forest, her voice carried easily. âWeâre going to find somewhere to set up the picnic.â
Beside her, Kaisa shifted the picnic basket she was carrying in her arms, watching Mattie ping-pong around the woods with an amused expression.
âYou know youâre about to be outrun by a six-year-old,â she pointed out helpfully.
Hilda stuck her tongue out at her.
âYeah, we wonât go too far,â she called back to Mum, turning on her heel and locking eyes with the six-year-old in question.
Mattie, who seemed to have come to a stop while the others were talking, shrieked in delight and took off running. Hilda shook her head fondly. Maybe being in the wilderness really was doing some good for her. They hadnât been able to play like this back at home.Â
âHey, wait up!â She called, running after her.
Mattie pivoted on her toe and fixed her with a grin.
âNope!â
Hilda wasnât sure what else she had been expecting, really.
She ran after her at a leisurely pace - making sure to stay just slow enough to let Mattie get a decent lead - watching as the girl ducked in and out of bushes and getting the odd spike in heart-rate as she tripped over a tree root and righted herself at the last second, only to take off again. Sheâd gotten quite far ahead now, to the point she was barely visible through the expanse of trees. It wasnât as if Hilda had to worry about losing her, anyway, not with her high-pitched giggles carrying through the trees like some kind of sonar. That child couldnât be stealthy to save her life.
Until Mattie ducked out of sight, and the laughter stopped.
Hilda came to a stop for a moment, feeling the silence grow uncomfortably heavy.
âMattie?â She called out, to no reply.Â
Cautiously, Hilda picked up the pace, pushing past the now thinning-out trees. She knew from experience that there was nothing dangerous - or at least, nothing that dangerous - out here, but this felt off, to say the least. Laughter and shouting she could deal with, but as far as she could remember, âquietâ was not a word that ever appeared next to Mattie in a sentence.
Turning the corner though, she could suddenly see why. Instinctively Hilda slowed to a halt.
Of course. Of course it was here.
Up ahead of her, where the trees thinned out, was the Northern Elf County. And just behind it, even more tattered and broken than she remembered, lay her old house.
The wilderness had almost fully reclaimed it now. Moss and lichen covered every inch of the decaying boards, the remaining wreckage of pipes and wood sunken into the earth. Weeds had sprung up around it, including a blue nettle which had woven itself through the debris like a fine thread. If it hadnât been hers, she might not have known it used to be a house at all.
Just in front of it stood the small form of her sister, seemingly locked in place. Hilda watched as she stood there a moment, not moving an inch. Then, slowly, Mattie turned her head to look back at her, a slightly fearful look in her eyes.
âOh - oh,â Hilda hastily closed the gap between them, putting an arm around her sister, which the child promptly latched onto. âHey, itâs okay!â She said quickly. âItâs not scary.â She smiled at her reassuringly, knowing Mattie wouldnât fear it if she didnât. âThis is just my old house.â
Still clutching her sleeve, Mattie blinked, the frightened look in her eyes melting into something resembling curiosity. She looked between Hilda and the ruins, a tiny crease forming on her brow. Then -Â
âItâs quite small,â she said quietly.
Hilda snorted.
âIt was bigger when I lived in it,â she replied, dropping down roughly onto the grass. Though she still looked unsure, Mattie followed suit, crossing her legs under herself while maintaining a grip on her sisterâs arm.
âIt used to be a little cabin,â Hilda explained. âOur great-grandad built it. Itâs where me and Mum lived before we moved to Trolberg.â
ââŠOh,â Mattie replied, looking again at the heap. Her grip on the sleeve had relaxed, and Hilda exhaled in relief. It was a good sign Mattie was speaking a bit more, even if a little confused-sounding. Now she thought of it, Hilda wasnât entirely sure sheâd talked about her old life to her little sister before. It had all been over long before she had been born, after all.
Beside her, Mattie tilted back on the grass, staring at the ruins as if trying to picture them as something other than wreckage and moss. But she looked more curious than confused now.
âDid you like it there?â She asked.
Hilda followed her sisterâs eye-line to the wreckage, and sighed. âYeah. Yeah, I did.â
She sat back on her hands, the grass soft under her fingers, and lifted her gaze to the horizon that was so achingly familiar.
âWe always had the best view of the woff-migration,â she said, noticing with a smile how her sister perked up immediately (and making a small mental note to find a good spot for woff-watching later). âAnd it was always so peaceful out here. It felt like it was just me and Mum and Twig in the whole world.â
âWhy did you leave then?â
âOh, um,â Hilda paused for a moment, wondering if this was straying into too-scary-for-a-six-year-old territory. âWellâŠâ she hazarded, â... a giant kind of trod on our house. Accidentally,â she said. âIt was sort of my fault, I was trying to help him find someone - that sort of thing doesnât happen anymore, though,â she added quickly, seeing her sisterâs eyes had gone wide.
To her relief though, her words didnât seem to have the impact sheâd feared. After a moment Mattie just hummed thoughtfully, turning back to the cabin remains.
âThatâs sad,â she said quietly.
Hilda hummed softly, watching the spot on the horizon that had once been hidden behind the cabin roof.
âYeah,â she agreed. âYeah, I was pretty sad about it for a while.â
A stray breeze ruffled the grass around them, making the blue nettle sway. If she squinted she could almost still see what it had looked like before, the patches of warm amber light that shone from the windows at night and the spot where Twig would curl up by the fire. They were probably sitting right where sheâd met a troll for the first time.
Beside her, Mattie shifted slightly, bringing her swiftly back to reality.
âOh, but - I mean - it wasnât all bad,â Hilda added quickly, wondering if this might also be a bit much for a six-year-old. âI still got to go on adventures. And I got to meet Frida and David, and Tontu and..â
Hilda trailed off, lost in thought. Now she thought about it, so much of the life she knew now had only come after they moved.
In the wilderness it had just been her and Mum and Twig, and she had never wanted - never even contemplated - anything more. But from there her family had only grown. First with Alfur, then Tontu andâŠthen Kaisa, and sometime later down the line, Mattie too. Somehow, despite spending her life bringing home all manner of strange creatures to join the household, that had been the biggest surprise. Not just the slightly scary witch from the library coming to live with them (which, yeah, to begin with had felt kind of weird), but how much things had changed with her.
It had taken a while, of missing the wilderness and feeling awkward about all the changes going on, but before long sheâd had to admit that life was better with this new family in it.
Little moments were coming back to her, as she sat there in the grass in the afternoon sun - Mattie had gotten bored and got up to investigate the elf village by this point, tip-toeing around the tiny houses with the utmost care - not moments from her life in the cabin, but what had come since. What couldnât have been if theyâd stayed.
âŠStruggling through homework at the kitchen table last thing on a Sunday night with Kaisa (in theory helping but usually just joining her in staring at her textbook in despair). Forlornly muttering something along the lines of not being smart enough for this, only for Kaisa to take her head out of her hands to look at her with a glare that could bore through steel.
âHildie. I studied advanced transmutation magic to the nineteenth level and I have never in my life seen something as fucking complicated as this,â she deadpanned, while Hilda subsided into giggles. âSeriously. Iâm going to hex your maths teacher.â
âŠSometime after they had returned from the Fairy Isle, standing at the doorway of the flat, open-mouthed, watching as Mum reached for a book off the high shelf with her feet not quite touching the floor. Opening her mouth to call out in excitement before feeling a gentle tap on her shoulder.
âYou know sheâll only worry that other people might see,â Kaisa whispered, having somehow silently appeared beside her. Kaisa turned her gaze back to Mum, a loving look in her eyes, and Hilda had the distinct impression that she hadnât been the first to notice.
âLetâs just let her have this, for now.â
âŠA year before that, hovering uncertainly by her parents' bedroom door, the morning after they had left for the hospital, excited and a bit scared and a well of emotions stirring in her chest. Mum and Kaisa calling her in with hushed voices and her climbing onto the bed in the early morning sun, cuddling up to them and the bundle in their arms and being assured that everything was fine, Mum was fine, and âWhy donât you say hello?â and⊠everything stopping as she laid eyes on her sister for the very first time.Â
Coming back to the present moment, Hilda watched as her now more grown sister cautiously approached the blue nettle and very gently ran a finger over its petals. How strange that something beautiful could grow out of so much loss.
After a moment of inspecting the nettle, Mattie turned back to Hilda and pointed at it excitedly.
âHildie! Thereâs a blue nettle!â She called.
âOh wow, really?â Hilda called back in feigned surprise. âIs that good?â
âYep!â Seemingly satisfied with what sheâd found, Mattie started making her way back towards her, carefully dodging the elf houses as she went.
âTildy says theyâre good for magic, but I didnât want to take it becauseâŠâ She paused as she stepped over the final elf house, teetering a little as she cleared it. â...Because thereâs only one and the elves might like it being there.â
Briefly Hilda remembered the last time she had tried to take a plant from an elf settlement without permission, and had to agree.
âYeah, I think that was a nice thing to do,â she told her. Mattie smiled, then plonked herself down by Hildaâs side again.
âSoâŠâ Hilda said, once her sister was settled. She nodded her head towards the ruins. âNot scary?â
âNope, not scary,â Mattie replied, a hint of pride in her voice. âI bet it was nice there. Blue nettles only grow in nice places.â She was quiet for a moment, then -Â
Hilda felt the familiar weight of her sister leaning into her arm.
âSorry your house got stepped on, Hildieâ Mattie said softly. â âSpecially after you were nice to the giant. Itâs not fair.â
âAw, Mattie,â Hilda smiled, wrapping an arm around her little sister and pulling her to her side. Mattie snuggled in, contentedly burying her cheek in Hildaâs jacket. âItâs okay, donât worry about it.â
She turned to look at the girl beside her, all bright eyes and a curious smile. It was hard to believe sheâd had a life before where she wasnât in it.
âYou knowâŠâ
Hilda lifted her gaze, laying eyes on her old house and, for the first time, feeling something other than mourning. Something much warmer and kinder, and unshakingly certain.
âI wouldnât change it for the world.â
#OP I'm not exaggerating when i say that this fic is bringing me to the brink of tears#THIS WAS SO SWEET AND SOFT#I was already reveling in how amazing the art is <33#THEN I READ THE FIC AND MY WHOLE MORNING JUST GOT EVEN SOMFTER THAN IT REALLY WAS TURNING OUT <33#MATTIE IS SUCH AN ANGEL I LOVE HER#AND THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN HER AND HILDA IS JUST THE BEST AND WARMEST THING BEST SISTERS đ„șđ„ș#i resonated way too damn hard with hilda missing her old home in the wilderness but then realizing just how much of her life now as she#-knows it and cherishes only came after moving away from said home and starts cherishing this part of her life#like girlie that's my life too :'))#there's SO SO MUCH i'm feeling rn but don't have the words for them#but genuinely this fic put a very special warmth in my heart to read absolutely well done OP i loved this a whole lot <33#hilda
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ELLIOT HI. I WATCHED EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE............... IM so shaken I nearly cried 3 times and fully cried once. everything about it was just perfect so perfect everything I love about art and movies and people and life was shoved into this one delicious beautiful genius movie and I already want to immediately rewatch it . I don't know how to go forward after watching it I want to go frolicking in a field and I want to kiss a thousand people and bake cookies and learn a martial art and go swimming in the February sea......... so crazy it was so wonderful it was everything everyone said it would be and more. Crazy. okay ill try not to go insane in your inbox from movie induced epiphanies but yeah basically I'm so glad I finally watched it it was literally. So wonderful
ETHAN HI NO PLEASE GO INSANE IN MY INBOX ABOUT THIS MOVIE i genuinely love it so much and i am soooo happy that you love it too! yes this movie makes me cry every single time, i saw it the first time in a super small movie theatre with my two best friends and we were SOBBING in the back corner while everyone else seemed totally fine about it but okay maybe it is because all three of us have mommy issues but eh it was just, that movie is just so. I MEAN WHEN JOBU TUPAKI READIES HERSELF TO FIGHT BUT EVELYN OPENS HER ARMS TO HUG HER WHO WOULDN'T CRY AT THAT HELLO anyway i am normal about this movie (i am not) my friends and i spent like fifteen minutes after watching it the cinema's bathroom trying to compose ourselves we were fine.
anyway i am so happy you've seen it and can also revel in the joy (hehe) of that movie. i hope you to are not normal about bagels anymore. i hope you too were amazed at all the colours and the unique humour and different universes and the epic fight scenes. i will learn martial arts with you together i have an urge and i will join you to the beach and hold out so many towels when you return from the freezing february sea ily <33
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Disclaimer tho, all my knowledge of the fandom is strictly from fanfic and google. I don't read the comic or watch the anime. I only have some vague knowledge of what's canon or not and making this fanfic has been somewhat of a fever dream.
Tags: Fluff and angst. Attempt at humor. Crying. Probably ooc. No smut, just holding hands and some hugging and some kissing. Shouto smokes, and probably incorrect depictions of smoking. Implied child abuse (you know who). Lowkey Fuyumi bashing.
Warning: In character cussing from explodo boy.Â
Summary:
They found each other in coinciding vulnerability. Shouto was smoking, Katsuki was crying. Miraculously, no one died. It seems that vulnerability is exactly what they need to get through their respective problems, because vulnerability makes them do the one thing the two boys are allergic to do, opening up.
Or, Shouto and Katsuki cope with each other. It miraculously didn't end in explosions, just a lot of physical affections and crying.
Words: 10.9 k
 You donât have to take life so seriously Shouto! It can be whatever you want to be, itâs yours!
Shouto knocks his head back and parts his lips. White ribbons bleed to the orange sky. The clouds are pretty pink instead of white. The smoke doesnât blend in with the white clouds anymore like a few hours ago. He taps the amber ash on the portable coffin-shaped ashtray. More than a dozen filter buds crammed there.
He should go back to his room. Any darker then it would be noticeable when goes back to his room. But thereâs always that small whisper at the back of his head: Maybe after one more. This spot has been his salvation from overstimulation. Itâs the highest building in UA, the rooftop of the dorm. Heâs been here for two years and has always been alone.
The door slammed open.
High on nicotine, Shouto passes through shock to immediate acceptance that heâs busted.
Only, heâs not busted. The next sound that came is sobbing. The first thing he sees is awry blond hair and a tear-streaked red face. Soon came the already red blood-shot eyes, staring at him with a sadness that not even in Shoutoâs wildest imagination can imagine on Bakugouâs face. It takes a few seconds too long for the default glare and anger to return.
âThe fuck are you doing here!â He yells, his voice croaks in a not angry way. Wet and breaking at the pitch.
Shouto, still a bit floaty and relaxed from the nicotine in his system, nor is he yet to register the shock from seeing Bakugouâs tears, just points down towards his fingers.
âWhat does it look like Iâm doing?â his voice is scratchy, a tad bit deeper. He never smoked so many that that happened. Then again, today is a special day.
Seemingly just as shocked, Bakugou seems to still. Shouto expects crackling hands, bared teeth, or maybe a âTELL ANYONE AND DIEâ, but never that he strides his way and sits on the floor beside Shouto.
âStill have one of those?â Bakugou leans back.
Wordlessly, Shouto digs the last pack from his pocket. There are six left. Bakugou takes one, and Shouto lit a fire on the tip of his thumb towards Bakugou.
âHow do you do this?â Bakugou says, eyeing the fire.
âYouâve never done this before?â
âI wouldnât have asked if I have Icyhot! Now fucking tell me already.â
âYou put it between your lips, and inhales a bit as you put this corner on the fire.â Shouto crowds him cupping the end of the smoke with his palm and keep the fire controllably small. It feels like Deja Vu, but this time, Shouto is showing someone how to smoke instead.
Bakugou tries, and before Shouto can say to take it slow, Bakugou already choked and doubled over coughing. Shouto pats his back.
âWhat the fuck was that!â Bakugou roars and grimaces when he sees the stacks of cigarette buds on his ashtray. âHow the fuck do you smoke that many!â
Shouto shrugged, âIâm used to it.â He puts out his bud on top of the pile and picks up the mostly one-piece cigarette that Bakugou chucked to the floor and lights it up. He feels eyes on him as he put the filter on his lips and lit it up in one smooth move.
With the cigarette properly lit, he offered, âWanna try again?â
âNo! That shitâs nasty.â Bakugou snarled at the hand holding the smoking cig.
âSuit yourself,â Shouto takes a deep drag and sighs. Surprisingly, Bakugou doesnât up and leave, and more so that Shouto doesnât mind the silence.
Alas, it only lasted exactly 33 seconds.
âHow the fuck did you get in here!â Bakugou grumbles, âThe door was locked.â
âI made ice stairs from my balcony.â
âLike how Elsa did?â
âExactly like Elsa did, she was my inspiration.â
Bakugou snorts. No sadness left, just a condescending smile, which is better than the ghostly tears in his eyes.
âHow did you get in through the locked door?â
âHow else would you think?â Bakugou lifts his hand, cradling a small cluster of explosions.
Shouto face palmed, dragging it down.
âWhat?â Bakugou barks.
âWell when they figured out the door broke then they gonna figure out that someoneâs been here, donât they?â
âThat nicotine is already killing your fucking brain cells.â
âThatâs not how itâs-â
âLetâs get the fuck outta here before anyone finds us you loon.â
âBut I-â
âYouâve burned through enough death sticks, letâs go!â Bakugou grabs his hand and pulls him up.
âFine fine, let me tidy up.â Shouto could barely close his ashtray with all the buds in it, and he dusted the ashes that drops to the floor.
Shouto already makes the stairs down to his room before looking back at Bakugou, âWant me to drop you to your balcony?â
âI donât know,â Bakugou narrows his eyes dangerously, âWill it suddenly melts away as I walk on it?â
Shouto huffs, âYou have no faith in your favorite sparring partner?â
âThe only thing I learned these past couple of years with you being shoved at my face as my sparring partner is that youâre a little shithead.â
Shouto makes the stairs towards Bakugouâs room first, reveling in how badly Bakugou tried to cover his amazement at the stairs.
âJust like Elsaâs, right?â
âYou want me to give you Elsaâs number 1 simp trophy?â
Shouto melts Bakugouâs step and lets him fall blond head first into his balcony.
âYOUâLL FUCKING PAY FOR THAT, COCA-COLA SHITHEAD!â
Bakugou roars, and Shouto giggles as he jumps upstairs to his room with explosions fading behind him.
Not until heâs laying in bed that night that he thinks about Bakugouâs tears again. Rest assured, his imagination spiraled to âwhat could it beâ until 4 am.
  ++++
 I donât understand why your dad wants you to be number one when he shouldâve want you to just be happy. Nothing in life really matters unless youâre happy.
Shouto loves everything about living in the dorm, but it has one and only one weakness. He canât smoke as freely.
His dad knows and just rant about how itâll affect his performance.
Now, Aizawa knows, and heâs at the principalâs office.
Shouto instantly knows how. Bakugou broke the rooftop door. Iida mustâve found it, reported it to Aizawa-sensei. Maybe his homeroom teacher has magnifying vision too because Shouto couldâve sworn he left no trace.
Yet Shouto canât find it in him to blame anyone. He knows as an aspiring hero he shouldnât smoke, those reasons never matter at those desperate times he needed to smoke.
âTea?â Nezu raises his pot of pink teapot, Shouto narrows his eyes at the paw (how did that paw hold the teacup?)
âYes, thank you.â The cup is equally pink, with two cheerful yellow flowers on each side. This looks like a tea set Eri had.
Shouto sips the possibly herbal tea, trying to ignore the glare Aizawa-sensei is sending his way from beside Nezu.
âTodoroki, how long have you been smoking?â His senseiâs voice gravels, like he just woke up from bed, his bed hair supports the theory.
Apparently  a little mental, Shouto said, âOverall or in school?â
âBoth.â
âStarted when I was in first-grade junior high school.â As soon as he has any time away from home. âIn UA, as soon as I stayed at the dorm.â
âNow, Todoroki,â Nezu put his paws together, âYou know someone as young as you shouldnât smoke. Youâre underage, and an aspiring hero on top of that...â
Nezu then continues his PSA on smoking. Nothing Shouto hasnât heard. Every word goes in the left ear and came out the right. He also isnât surprised that Aizawa will be taking his stash of cigarettes. It doesnât suck as much because Shouto doesnât have a lot left anyway, nor is he been regularly smoking. He smokes when heâs stressed and nothing else could calm him down. He never reached out to the cigs first. The coffin-shaped portable ashtray reminded him that.
As soon as heâs back at the dorm, heâs greeted with a cheerful environment. Half his classmates are hanging in the living room. Thereâs a group playing Mario Party, a group thatâs putting on nail art, and a group that seems to cook something ambitious. Shouto usually joins the group, but not today.
âTodoroki!â Iida comes from the hall, âAizawa-Sensei came earlier and ran through your room! He seems to confiscate a pack of cigarettes. Iâve tried to tell him that itâs all a misunderstanding-â
âNo, itâs mine.â
âTodoroki! At our young age as aspiring heroes we sho-â
âNope, sorry not today Iida. Good night.â
Todoroki feels a few eyes on his back, but he walks on. With him naturally keeping things to himself, his friends tend to worry but they trust him to reach out to them in his own time. When it gets too long they usually check up on him. Shouto wished they never will.
 +++++Â
 You have the power to be whatever you want, but why are you following the wishes of someone you hate? I know heâs your dad, but your life is yours, Shouto.
Shoutoâs wish didnât come true when Bakugou bugs him on the rooftop again two days after he was raided.
Itâs Deja Vu, but fewer tears from Bakugou and Shouto isn't a pack and a half deep in cigarettes.
âI fucking know youâd be at my spot again!â Bakugou spat scathingly.
âExcuse you,â Shouto scowls, âIâve been smoking at this spot since the dorm opens. This is my spot.â
âWell, Iâve been- Iâve been-â Shouto shouldâve known that Bakugou would turn red and explodes instead of admitting heâd been caught emoting, âWhat the fuck are you doing here anyway! Youâre doing nothing!â
âNo thanks to someone.â
Bakugou narrows his eyes, confused at the implication, but his exploding friend is smart, so he figured it out, and isnât happy with what he figures out. âThe fuck, get your accusing eyes away from me discount Sans, I donât tattle.â
âNo, but you exploded the door which leads to Iida reporting it, which leads to Aizawa inspecting the premises, and him figuring it out that smoked here.â
âThatâs just your fucking fault for not covering your trace clean!â
Shouto inhaled indignantly, but then too tired to justify himself. Thereâs no ending of arguing with Bakugou, and Shouto had learned to choose his battles.
âHow about you? How did you get in here?â
âStole a key from Iida.â
âAre you here to cry again?â
Bakugouâs palms explode, his face an embarrassed flush and teeth bared in anger, âWHOS FUCKING CRYING!!?â
âI have eyes.â
âYouâve been sucking on those death sticks way too much.â
âI wasnât smoking that type of substance.â
âWhatever, Iâm not dealing with this,â Bakugou turns to step away.
âI donât get it, itâs not a big deal!â Shouto raises his voice a bit, for some reason his heart rate picks up when Bakugou starts leaving. âSo what if you sweat through your eyes? Midoriya does it almost every day, sometimes twice a day...â
âDonât fucking compare me to fucking Deku you fucking fried ice cream!â
â...And Midoriya beat you at this yearâs Sports Festival,â Shouto dismissed.
Bakugou grits his teeth, but his eyes watch over Shouto. âStop stalling and tell me what you want from me,â Bakugou growls.
Shoutoâs eyes widen at the sudden honesty, he nibbles on his bottom lips, âStay here?â
For a second, Bakugou glares at him, but after two years of being his classmate, Shouto can confidently say that theyâre friends. He knows Bakugou isnât angry at him. As to prove his point, Bakugou sits beside him, a bit closer than Shouto expects him to, though still with that permanent scowl. Shouto moves his palms from his pocket, letting go of the aluminum ashtray. Shouto tests the waters and moves closer so their shoulder bumps. No explosions, no snarl, success.
Instantly, Shouto relaxes. Focusing on the pressure of their shoulders, the light shifts Bakugou does (because he can never fully stay still), and the clouds moving. No thought, just being alive.
Alas, no quiet ever lasted long with Bakugou, he expected it though.
âNo wonder Aizawa figured it out, this place still stinks of tobacco.â
âIt does?â Shouto takes a deep sniff, all he smells is Bakugouâs sweat that always smells sweet because of his quirk. âI didnât smell anything.â
âYeah no shit scar head, your nose is probably numb at this point.â
âI donât smoke that much.â
âSaid someone who smoked more than a dozen in one sitting,â Bakugouâs nags turns to worry, âDamn, was it really in one sitting?â
âIs that worry I detected?â Shouto deflects.
Bakugou grits his teeth, âIâm not worried! Go die off lung cancer I donât fucking care!â
âGood, then, because yes it was, and thereâs nothing wrong with it.â
âFucking hell itâs not! What the actual fuck are your lungs made of? I barely suck it past my throat and I almost coughed out my insides.â
âI missed your dramatics,â Shouto says genuinely, and he waits for an explosion to come. Bakugou doesnât do well with praises thinly veiled with snark.
It never came, Bakugou watches him closely instead, âYeah? And whoâs fault is that?â
Shouto dared to glare back, but it didnât last long, he knows the answer. Shouto had come out of his shell nicely, as Momo had put it. Heâs still awkward, canât really quite grasp âpop cultureâ and how to correctly implied it, but he regularly hangs out with his friends. As of late, heâs noticeably withdrawn. Going straight to his room after class, and opting out of game nights, nail nights, and even soba nights.
They had been giving him space, which he finds endearing. Of course, Bakugou isnât one to give anything liberally.
âMine...â Shouto admits, and Bakugou looks surprised.
The fun part of befriending Bakugou is that Shouto could be a bit of a bitch and Bakugou would be a bitch back, and it wouldnât matter. No oneâs feelings were hurt, and Shouto can let go of steam without guilt. Shouto couldâve been in denial, said that Bakugou should step off his dick and no feelings would be hurt.
But he had enough of space, though admittedly, he shouldâve confessed that with someone that wants to be in his space.
âFinally, youâre done moping around, everyoneâs been on my ass worrying about you.â
âWhy would they be on your ass?â
âHell would I know.â
âWas that the reason you cried?â Shouto is just teasing, but the grim in Bakugouâs face isnât a familiar one.
âI told you that didnât happen!â he growls lowly.
Shouto considers, clueless yet curious. âIâll tell you about me if you told me about you.â
âJust because youâre vomiting your crisis that I didnât ask for, doesnât mean Iâm obligated to do the same!â
âOkay, thatâs fine too.â
âNo, shut-â
âMy mom and dad are getting back together.â
Bakugouâs expression mellows to confusion, âThat sounds convoluted as hell. Didnât they just got a divorce or something?â
âThey never got a divorce. Sheâs just sent to a mental hospital and never came home, doesnât mean the marriage is legally broken.â
The fact seems to sink slow with his explosive friend, âWhat the fuck.â
Shouto sighs, looking down his jittery hands, his mouth dries. âLast year when I visited my mom, we were talking about the future. She said sheâd filed for a divorce, and Iâd live with her.â Shouto feels oddly numb, but thereâs this dull ache deep in his chest thatâs constant. âI shouldâve known. She said that before he âtried to changeâ... she said that when everything was still bad, she thought it still happened.â
âWhat still happened?â Bakugou sounds angry, but he always does.
âI got hurt a lot when I was a kid, because of training. She thought he still hurts me.â
He felt the shoulder beside him tensed. Beside Shoutoâs jittery hands is Bakugouâs clenched shaking fist. Shouto looks up from their laps and finds that Bakugouâs face... an eerie stoic.
âHmmm,â Bakugou hums, and a chill runs down his spine. âWhen did you start training by the way?â not even a curse in that sentence.
Shouto realizes then, this is Bakugou truly angry, even though Shouto canât figure out why on earth would he be.
âThe day after my quirk manifested.â
His childhood is unforgettable. The day his training starts with fear and pain, then ends with exhaustion and anger. The day Touya never came back, the day his mom left, the longing stare towards the backyard wanting to play with his brother and sister. He remembers it all, like a tattoo in his memory.
âWe been knew that Endeavor was an ass but I didnât know heâs a fucking child abuser.â
The words snap him away from his musing. This time, Bakugou looks angry angry. Teeth-gritting, scowling, boiling anger.
Oh, thatâs why heâs angry.
âIt was training.â
âNot at five fucking years old you e-boy himbo!â Bakugou barks.
âThatâs new, whatâs a himbo?â
âNot the fucking point!â Bakugou takes his shoulder away, and suddenly Shouto feels cold. Then heâs held by his shoulders, pinned by sharp maroon eyes, and the lack of warmth turns cold when a growl says, âYouâre telling me that your dadâs been abusing you, and no one stopped him? And heâs fucking getting away with it??â
There are so many things wrong with that question and implied statement. One is that it was not abuse. Two is that no one couldâve stopped the then number two hero. Three is that Shouto didnât tell him any of that but Bakugou assumed anyway.
Shouto doesnât get to say all of it as Bakugou lets go of him and takes deep breaths. Bakugou pinched the bridge of his nose, seemingly displeased at what heâs thinking.
âWhy did you think your mom wants to get back together with your dad?â
Shouto feels relieved now theyâre back on topic, âI donât know. It feels like one moment sheâs afraid of him, and now she wants to be with him again. I guess... he did âtry to be betterâ. Everyone else seems to forgive him, but I canât.â
Then Bakugou does something that he didnât expect, he defends them, âI mean... Heâs not that much of a dick now, right? Heâs a dick but he was pretty alright when we have a work-study at his agency. And your momâs better, so maybe they could make it work?â
Shouto knows itâs technically true, but displeasure clawed him still, his blood boiling.
âI donât care whether it works! I hated that she forgives him so easily!â Shouto shouts.
âWell, thatâs selfish of you, isnât it! Itâs her decision, not yours!â Bakugou barks back.
âWhat the fuck do you know about it?â Shouto spats, he stands up, âTheyâre going to destroy each other, and what then? Do they want me to just look at their trainwreck while they insist everything is okay? No! Iâm not going through that again!â
âYouâre just not trusting your mom! Things changed!â Bakugou stands up too, he looks exceptionally angrier than ever.
âNo, I donât. Especially after she said she wanted to get a divorce with him then changing her mind only a year later. Of course, I donât trust her!â
âBut isnât it better to have both your parents together?â
âNo, it doesnât especially when sheâs not happy!â
Bakugou doesnât bark back, and Shouto only realized how Bakugouâs question was laced with a cracked voice. Shouto looks, only partially surprised that the eyes that look back thinly veiled with tears. The heat in his bloodstream wanes out, more worried/horrified that Bakugou is now openly crying.
This is the worst. Both of them are socially awkward lone wolves that have no idea how and what to do with emotions. So, Shouto does his #best.
âYou can tell me.â
Bakugouu glares. Okay, so maybe Shoutoâs #best isnât what he needs.
âOnly if you want, if you donât then itâs okay too.â
âShut the fuck up, thermostat.â
What else do you do when someone cried? Shouto racks his memories of times when he was crying a lot when he was little, trying to find examples he could follow. He remembers his mom.
âCome here.â
âThe fuck are you trying to-â
Shouto cuts him off with a hug. Itâs as awkward as it comes. Shouto has his arms around the broad shoulders, his chin hooked on the right side. Shouto doesnât know how tight he should hug, but itâs enough to press their chest together. Then one of his arms, the left one, rubs Bakugouâs back, emitting a slight warmth. In two languid swipes, Bakugouâs tenseness bleeds slowly.
âI donât know whatâs wrong,â Shouto says, mimicking what his mom had said once upon a time when heâs upset. âBut itâll be okay. Maybe itâll take a long time, or itâll be really hard, but you...â have me, you donât have to deal with everything alone, was what his mom finished with. He doesnât know if Bakugou would see him as reliable, but Fuyumi had said that intentions are the most important. âYou have your friends, and you have me. I donât know what will help, but Iâll do it if you asked.â
Shouto surprised himself that he means it. When he encounters an emotionally fragile situation, he usually gets Midoriya, or Urakara, or Momo to handle the situation. With Bakugou however...seeing that his usually prickly friend tipping at the edge like this, Shouto felt like he wants to help. Perhaps it was the camaraderie of the S.S. Emotional Constipation that makes him reach out his personal hand towards Bakugou.
Shouto found another surprise when Bakugou hugs him back, his spiky blond head tucked at the crook of his neck. Shouto also didnât expect the reflex tears pooling in his eyes at the feeling of tightening arms around his torso. Heâs being held, tight and needy. When was the last time heâs held like this? Tears pours without his will when he realized the last time someone hugged him was Touya as Dabi when he was about to burn himself along with Shouto.
They stay there on the rooftop just holding each other as if theyâll fall apart if they don't. When Bakugou lets go, his eyes are even redder than it already is. When those red eyes look up, he noticed the tear streak down Shoutoâs face and doesnât comment about it.
Instead, Bakugou says, âMy parents are splitting up.â
Shouto says nothing, only to pull him in his arms again.
They say nothing else as they sit at the same spot on the concrete floor leaning on each other, hand in hand. Shouto instinctually teared up again when he remembered the last time someone holds his hand was his mom as she walked him to a park, all those years ago. Other than that, it was for survival and fighting.
Bakugou leans his head on Shoutoâs shoulder first, Shouto says nothing about it. He then leans his face on top of Bakugouâs hair, it feels like a bed of grass, Bakugou says nothing about it too. Shouto realizes that Bakugou can be vulnerable as long as no one points it out. Being untalkative, Shouto can do just that.
The future is scary, especially when their supposed foundation is changing. Bakugouâs foundations are breaking apart, while Shouto had grown accustomed to the torn apart pieces now move together crossing fingers that they fit.
But the future is for tomorrow. The changes are not theirs to make. All they can do now is hold themselves together as everything changes, hoping they donât break in the process.
Eventually, nightfalls, but none of them moved. Shouto suspects that Bakugou might be sleeping on him.
Itâs a suspicion no more when Aizawa found them there, and Bakugou doesnât stir from being found. Those tired eyes already look exasperated as he finds Shoutoâs tear-streaked eyes looking back.
Aizawa sighs, âIs it life-threatening ?â
Shouto knows that the teacher is prone to worries despite his appearance. Their stumble at first year seems to scar him and made him extra vigilant with his students ever since.
âThereâs nothing we could do about it,â Shouto says, which is true, but seemingly a wrong thing to say.
âThat doesnât answer my question, trouble child.â Aizawa scowls, which means his worry cranked up to max. âAre the both of you facing a problem that harms you, or threatening your life?â
âItâs nothing like that,â says the bundle of blond in his shoulder. Bakugou sits up and stretches, yawning so big his jaw seems to unhinge a bit. He doesnât look angry, just tired. âItâs family drama, you know how it is.â
âIs it really just drama?â Aizawa squints at Bakugou, too knowing for someone without a mind-reading quirk.
Bakugou looks at Shouto, searching and prodding. Shouto doesnât understand what he could be looking for, or what he wants. Bakugou just sighs, âYeah, just drama.â
Aizawa looks at Shouto too and softens. âIf you two need to cuddle you can just do it in your respective room.â
âNah, too many nosy people.â Bakugou starts to leave.
Shouto follows with a âGood night Sensei.â
Aizawa grunts.
âWe can use my Elsa stairs,â Shouto pipes in as he walks alongside him.
Bakugou looks at him and huffs, âTurns out youâre not a himbo after all.â
Since Bakugou won't tell him, Shouto looks up âhimboâ himself. This raises a lot of questions about how Bakugou has been seeing him, but Shouto decides that heâd be offended by it.
  ++++++
 You could still be lonely even though you have tons of sibling, or even when they really love you. I guess they just donât know how to show us they love us.
He really shouldâve known. He really shouldâve fucking known.
The thought spins in his head as he smoked the last cigarette on his freshly bought pack. No one to catch him this time. Itâs the weekend and heâs supposed to be at home, but itâs unbearable to be in the same room with his family. Usually, he could just slurp his soba in feigning ignorance but not now.
Heâs sitting by the bench of a lonely park. Heâs been sitting here since sun down. He has no idea what time it is. His phone in his pocket is on silent, he hasnât checked on it since he walked out.
He shouldâve stayed at the dorms, fuck the family dinner.
Itâs not that Shouto wants things to end up badly. Itâs not like he doesnât want to be home, especially since his mom finally comes home after so many years. Everyone is happy that sheâs back, even Natsuo, even his dad. Everyone except her. It looks so hard for her to be there. Shouto can see in her face that some places still hold strong bad memories for her.
His mother is strong because she pulls through. She holds herself through it all even though it seems only barely.
Yet why is he still so angry at her? Maybe not angry, frustrated. Shouto wants to ask her clarity. Why is she doing this? Why did she change her mind? Why come back here? Why not grasp the independence she had been telling Shouto she strived for? Was she coaxed to be here? Was she feeling some kind of responsibility to go back here? To salvage that sham of a marriage she had with Endeavor?
Shouto wants to ask, wants to understand. He crowded her with questions that moment when they said theyâd be getting back together, only for his mom to wince, eyes widen, and quickened breath. For the second time in his life, his mom had looked at him with fear. Today, Shouto could barely meet her eyes again.
Is he really such a monster in her eyes just because heâs half his father? Then why go back to his father at all?
Shouto bought half a dozen packs as per tradition. Also because of his self implied tradition, he puts all the ashes in the coffin-shaped ashtray, even though thereâs a park ashtray right beside him.
âYou carry that everywhere,â Says a groveling voice that Shouto would notice anywhere.
Bakugou is in casuals. Black jeans and a grey hoodie seem like heâs out in a hurry. Just like Shouto.
âYouâve got to stop stalking me,â Shouto inhales deep, watching red amber burns till the filter and sighs.
âWho fucking stalking you Zuko.â
âZuko doesnât have-â
âShut up,â Bakugou plop his ass beside Shouto, sitting waaay too close. He snatched the coffin tin, inspecting it. âEven when you didnât smoke you carried this.â
âHow did you know?â
âIt shows your pocket, not big enough for a phone.â
Shouto knows he canât get away once Bakugou began prying. âMy first friend gave it to me.â
âThat fucking Deku???â
âNo,â Shouto chuckles at the image of Midoriya taking the role of what his first friend did. âItâs someone I met first-year junior high. She gave me this after introducing me to cigarettes.â
âThatâs so fucking passive-aggressive I wouldâve punched her in her teeth,â Bakugou grumbles, putting the ashtray to Shoutoâs lap. âAnd why the fuck would anyone smoke at thirteen anyway!â
âExactly because weâre thirteen, Katsuki, just because,â Shouto chuckles again at the memory. Seemingly too carefree from the nicotine, Bakugou had become Katsuki in his tongue. Katsuki bristles at his given name, but says nothing about it. It mysteriously made Shouto very happy.
âAmong everything though, she was my first best friend, she teaches me a lot of things that make me who I am. She made me realize that I didnât have to follow my dadâs wishes. That I can be what I want to be instead of what I was born for. That itâs valid to be lonely even though I technically have a big family. That itâs okay to not strive to be the best and just to be... happy.â
Shouto closes his eyes, remembering her lessons always fell bitter-sweet. But heâll hold it in his heart forever.
âWhat youâre born for?â Katsuki says scathingly.
âYeah, you know about this.â Shouto was told that Katsuki had eavesdropped on his conversation with Midoriya. Shouto was born to fulfill another manâs vendetta. A purpose first, and a son last.
âSeem like a wise person for a thirteen-year-old,â Katsuki sneers.
âShe was, I loved her,â Shoutoâs confession brings Katsukiâs face to a red grimace.
âShit, I didnât ask you to tell me your fucking secrets.â
âItâs not a secret.â
âOh, really?â Katsuki spat bitterly, âThen why are you hiding your girlfriend from us?â
So many things wrong with that question. Shouto raises his eyebrows in surprise, âSheâs not my girlfriend, and Iâm not hiding her. Sheâs dead.â
The grimace fell like a hot potato, it wouldâve been fun watching how Katsuki splutters if he didnât look like heâs legit choking. âHoly fuck, that's... fuck, then why the shit youâre so stoic talking about it,â Katsuki seems appalled.
âIt happens a long time ago. She seems accepting of her death that I... well I want to respect her decision.â Shouto knows itâs weird to not feel mournful of the departure of your closest friend. He still misses her, but she had been so positive until the very moment she left. Shouto was sure that sheâs happy, so Shouto wants to be happy for her.
Katsuki paled, horrified, seemingly to misunderstand again.
âShe had a terminal illness. Very likely no chance of survival. She chose to live her remaining time normally instead of undergoing treatment.â
âThereâs... Thereâs no way her parents let her do that.â
âTheyâre economically challenged. They tried though, just too late in the end.â
âFuck...â Katsuki cursed, running through his hair roughly. âNever thought youâd be the type of person to have life-changing moments like that.â
âA lot of people have proven to me that everyone has potential to be unexpected, and thatâs just how it is.â Shouto looks pointedly at Katsuki, who glares at him in retaliation. âThereâs a reason why weâre both here instead of home.â
âYeah?â Katsuki mumbles, clearly not wanting to talk.
Shouto doesnât too, to be honest, and yet keeping it in feels more exhausting, âMy momâs home.â
âNo shit?â Katsuki was mildly surprised, âSo itâs really happening huh.â
âItâs like walking on eggshells with her. I wanted to ask, but last time I did she flinched at me. I couldnât look at her today.â
Katsuki sighs. This time, Katsuki is the one that scoots over till their shoulders touched all the way to their thighs. The contact makes Shouto breathes easier, heâs drawn to it like moths to a flame. His body goes limp as if itâs been too tense too long from holding itself together, and he drapes himself on top of Katsuki. Shoulder pressed together, his head heavily falls on Katsukiâs shoulder. Instinctually, his hand looks for another hand. Katsuki snakes around his hand and clasps it with his. Itâs uncharacteristic, but Shouto finds himself grateful for it.
Itâs warm, itâs damp, itâs grounding. Like lying on even earth after running away for so long.
âI donât want her to be with him under the obligation that parents are supposed to be together for the kids. Sheâs been through so much, I wouldâve understood, but I didnât know how to say it without triggering her.â Silence follows, and Shouto realized what he said. âSorry, uh, Iâm not insinuating-â
âShut up candy cane, I know.â Katsuki leans closer, his head on top of Shoutoâs.
Itâs warm, just what he needs in the middle of an emotional crisis at the beginning of November. Itâs a bit out of character for Katsuki to do this, nor Shouto, neither of them are known for physical contact or talking about their personal lives. Yet here they are.
And Katsuki speaks anyway, âTheyâre fighting.â
Shouto, contrary to what Katsuki called him, isnât a himbo. He knows who they are and he knows what a fight could entail.
âDid they hurt each other when they fight?â Shouto asks, then mused even if they did, could Katsuki do anything about it? Shouto couldnât back then.
âNo!â Katsuki says, indignant, âOf course not, theyâre just bitching at each other about... about... I donât know, itâs fucking stupid.â
âHm, thatâs good.â
âFucking hell itâs good, theyâre being idiotic!â
âTheyâre not hurting each other.â
Katsuki paused, his hands clenched tighter, âDid he hurt your mom when they fight?â
Shouto takes a deep inhale at the surge of memory. The fear that settles is old, he knows. Just leftover trauma that never went away, still, it bubbled to the surface, makes his skin cold.
Not trusting his voice, Shouto nods.
âThey were fighting about me,â Katsuki says after a while, his voice a bit shaky, and Shouto knows better than to point it out. He keeps his head on the shaking shoulder and listens. âThey didnât know I was listening, they never did. They never... Turn-Turns out they didnât even plan on having me.â
Katsuki holds his hand tighter and trembling.
âIâm a fucking accident,â Katsuki spat, venom dripping in every word. âThen they had a shotgun wedding, they didnât even love each other at all.â
Shouto hears one escape of a sniff and lets himself relax, feigning clueless that Katsuki mustâve been crying. He lets the silence stretches until the hand holding his relaxed and the shaking subsides. Shouto had the same breakdown before. It downs to him that theyâre not so different after all, children of a loveless relationship. Though he wonders if that instantly means heâs unloved. It had felt that way, but now... now it feels so much complicated than yes or no.
âDoes it matter why weâre born?â Shouto hears a deep inhale of an incoming rant but he cuts it off with, âWeâre our own person, with our own lives, and our own dreams. No one can tell us otherwise. Not even the one who makes us.â Shouto pauses and listens, what came to his ears is soft breathing, so he continues. âSo what youâre not planned? That doesnât mean youâre unwanted,â Shouto rubs his thumb over the damp knuckles, âYouâre not unloved.â
Because Shouto had been to the Bakugo residence. Bakugou Mitsuki is as explosive as he is, but he can see her adoring stare at her son even when sheâs scolding him. Bakugou Masaru is softer, always trying to calm both of them and giving small smiles when Shouto tells him stories about his son at school.
âWhat the fuck do you know, water dispenser?â Katsuki lowly growls, but it doesnât have that biting hate, he doesnât move away from Shouto.
So Shouto only hums and lets the silence stretch. He grabs the ashtray with his other hand, rubbing the plain surface with his thumb, remembering her, thanking her.
âWhatâs her name?â Katsuki says after minutes of silence, his voice with less snarl.
âArisu.â
â... Iâm sorry you lost her.â
And thatâs what happened, isnât it? Shouto may be able to let her go, but sheâs still lost to him. Still hurts, Shouto still mises her. âThank you.â
They didnât let go of each other until Shoutoâs phone rings. Itâs Natsuo. His brother is just as unhappy about their parents' reunion, though for him itâs more about hating their dad and less about questioning their mother as Shouto did. Natsuo called to offer to spend the rest of the weekend at his place. Shouto immediately agrees, then he remembers Katsuki.
âIs it okay if I bring one of my friends?â
Katsuki instantly glowers at him.
âWho?â
âKatsuki.â
âWho??â
âBakugou.â
âOh, yeah sure. Buy some dinner on the way, I didnât get to eat much.â
âOkay, me too.â
As soon as they hang up, Katsuki bares his teeth.
âWho says Iâll go with you, Pokeball?â His voice raised a bit, his arms crossing defensively.
âIâm not, I said if. You donât have to, but if you want, you can.â
âNo one fucking asked you for shelter,â Katsuki scoffs, facing away.
âI know...â Shouto knows Katsuki would rather leave than accept help. The only way he accepts it is that if no one acknowledges it. He knows Katsuki can take care of himself, but Shouto is the one that doesnât want him to leave just yet. Shouto knows heâll go back to Natsuoâs place only to hear him bitch about Endeavor when the real problem is with their mom and her odd decision.
âCanât you just stay for dinner?â The desperation in his voice is real, Katsuki seems to notice it and is bewildered by it. âPlease?â
Katsukiâs eyes widen at the magic word because no, Shouto doesnât say it often, much less towards Katsuki, he had enough ego already.
Nose flared and fist clenched, Katsuki finally barks, âFine! But weâre cooking instead of ordering take-out, I fucking know what youâre gonna get you soba simp. Your brother better has a kitchen.â
âHe does,â Shouto replies, the upbeat tone in his voice is rare. Can you blame him? Heâs excited that heâs not coming home, and Katsuki goes with him with his admittedly superior cooking.
At Natsuoâs apartment, Shouto helped Katsuki cook, nothing more than chopping stuff. Natsuo gave him a brief summary of what happened at home after Shouto left, but thankfully, heâs not saying too much because Katsuki is there. Once Natsuo finished talking and left to get beers, Shouto gives Katsuki an arm squeeze of thanks. Katsuki only grunts.
Dinner is âsimpleâ in Katsukiâs opinion. Stir-fried vegetables, miso soup, and hamburg steak. As always, itâs delicious, and Natsuo whoâs none the wiser to Katsukiâs God-like cooking skill is blown away.
Theyâre in the living area on the sofa watching TV when Shouto scoots closer again. Natsuo is in his room studying.
âYou can stay here for the rest of the weekend if you want,â Shouto says, bumping shoulders.
Katsuki frowns, eyes on the screen. âI donât have my change of clothes with me.â
âYou can borrow mine, I have some here.â
âRan away a lot donât you?â Katsuki sneers.
âYou have no idea,â Shouto admits.
The sneer falls, âWhy?â
âJust because I finally can.â
âYou couldnât before?â
Shouto shakes his head, finding his head heavy, so he lays his head on Katsukiâs shoulder again. âBefore he was number one, he insists on using all my free time on training. If I didnât, heâd take my phone, or the internet, or my manga, even burned them on some occasion. He even flushed my pet fish, rest in peace Kiya. Then heâs number one, and the dorms are established... so...â
Shout shrugs. He doesnât reach for Katsukiâs hand this time, just pressed against him, afraid if he pushed then Katsuki would retract. Shouto doesnât want to stop his newfound comfort just yet.
Then his hand is grasped by a firm clammy hand. Shouto keeps thinking of how Katsukiâs sweaty hands must be because of the nitroglycerin of his quirk. If heâs not thinking about Katsukiâs quirk then heâd think about how it makes his heart skipped a beat that Katsuki initiates the touch again. So yeah, clammy hands that hold him tight.
âWhy didnât you tell anybody?â Katsuki says, weaker than heâs accustomed to. It makes Shouto wary.
âI donât know what is there to tell.â
A groan stretches, âWhat do I do with you?â
âHey...â Shouto mock complains âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â
âDoes he still train you like that?â
Shouto feels a bit of whiplash with all these questions. Katsuki has been asking personal questions left and right, and Shouto doesnât understand why answering it doesnât feel as hard as usual.
âNo, not since he became number 1.â
Katsuki scoffs, âGot what he wanted didnât he?â
âSometimes I wonder if thatâs the case. When he got it, he didnât seem happy, just angry. Then he started wanting the family he broke to get that number one spot.â
That renders Katsuki to another bout of silence. He knows Katsuki strives to be number one too, and at first, Shouto had ridiculed him about it. Why does a superficial title mean so much anyway? Katsuki changed over the years though, with Midoriya being the main cause of it.
Heart on his throat, Shouto dare asks, âHey, Katsuki? Why do you want to be a hero?â
Katsuki tensed, but Shouto holds him tighter, âWhy are you getting nosy all of the sudden?â
Shouto knows heâs not getting things easy, âI just wanna know.â
âYeah, thatâs nosy.â
âNo, I just want to get to know you.â Shouto bites his lips as soon as the words left, was that too forward?
Theyâre not looking at each other, but Shouto can feel the glare directed at him. âWhy?â
âWeâve been friends for a while...â
âWeâre not fucking friends-!â
â...But I feel like Iâm taking you for granted. I didnât even know youâre going through something so big.â Some friend I am, Shouto broods.
It takes a few seconds, but Katsuki defeatedly sighs, and Shouto smiles in victory, âAt first, I just want to be the best.â
âBest at what?â
âEverything...â Katsuki muses, his head knocked back, âThen I realized that it was an impossible goal... Did a lot of thinking, did a lot of uh, self-reflecting. Started talking to Ito-san too. I realized that I just want to be needed.â
It makes sense why Katsuki is here then. Shouto wished he could outright say that he needs him so Katsuki would stay longer, but just imagining him doing so already makes him pink in embarrassment.
Ito-san is the school counselor, her doors are open for every UA student. Shouto had half the mind to go to her, but thereâs always this weight of silence from being a son of a high-profile hero. Endeavor always drilled him about secrecy and how he shouldnât say anything about his family to anyone or itâll ruin everything. Itâs the reason why Arisu was his only friend, she was dying, and she did take his secret to her grave. Shouto still feels guilty about that.
âHave you ever talked to Ito-san?â Katsuki asked as if reading his mind.
âCanât.â
âWhy?â
âEverything that comes out of my mouth is tabloid-worthy. Endeavor had drilled me from way young that I canât run my mouth about our lives. Heâs right about that at least, I didnât want paparazzi swarming us demanding half-assed rumors if I can help it. It had happened before, someone even sneaked into my momâs hospital to reach her. I guess... thatâs also why I never told anyone at all about anything.â
âYou told Arisu didnât you?â
Shouto bites his lip, guilt gnaws at him, âBecause I know she won't carry my secrets long enough.â Please donât hate me. Shoutoâs grip on Katsuki tighten.
âBut you told Deku, you told me.â
âWell, I trust you,â he says like itâs the most obvious thing. âYou sure you donât want to stay over?â
Katsuki leans away, and the cold strikes immediately. Shouto leans back, pointedly not looking at red irises.
âFine.â
Shouto quickly looks up, then he finds Katsukiâs face odd. Thereâs something familiar with it. Heâs... smiling, only slightly, but itâs a smile, and his eyes arenât furrowed or angry or glaring. His eyebrows relaxed and he looks.... soft. Maybe Shouto fell asleep and currently dreaming.
âIâll need to call my parents first,â Katsuki says after clearing his throat, looking away a bit flushed.
âSure, Iâll get you settled.â
Shouto is half excited half worried. He told Natsuo that Katsuki will be borrowing the couch, which only replied with a hum while his eyes doesnât leave the book. His brother is not unfamiliar with runaways. Shouto isnât the only one seeking shelter at his place.
Shouto passes the balcony where Katsuki is screaming at his phone. Shouto can only hear muffles, but he gives Katsuki some privacy and gets some spare clothes. When Shouto sees that Katsuki is still on the phone even after ten minutes have passed, he takes the liberty of taking a shower first.
When Shouto walks out, he finds Katsuki sitting by the sofa, his hands suspiciously inflamed. He faces the screen but looking particularly nowhere. Shouto had seen those empty looks before.
âKatsuki?â
He jerks slightly as his name is called. Katsuki schooled his expression to a careful stoic, walls up. No matter, Shouto thinks, sometimes you donât need to tear down walls to help a person, just hold their hand through the gate.
âGo take a shower, bathâs warm.â
Katsuki nods, taking the towel Shouto offered and the spare clothes. Shouto makes tea, for him, his brother, and Katsuki. Shouto delivers the cup of tea to Natsuoâs room, seems like the books are multiplying around his brother.
âTea,â Shouto says before putting it on a coaster.
âThanks.â Natsuo finally looks away from the book and takes a sip. âThat Bakugou, how is he?â Natsuo asks, knowing that Shouto only brings his friend here in a dire situation.
The only other person he brought was Kaminari, believe it or not. Kaminari had said he didnât want to come home for the weekend because he was scared of facing his parents after he came out via text. From the replies, it hadnât been good. Kaminari spent the rest of the stay switching between sobbing and full-on crying. Only God knows why Kaminari asked him instead of any of the Baku-squad, but Kaminari is still his friend too, so Shouto provides.
But today with Katsuki is different though. Shouto had to beg him to stay, whether itâs for the benefit of him or Shouto the line had blurred.
âHopefully he will be,â Is all Shouto can offer. Natsuo nods before going back to his book.
Shouto lays out his futon in the living room adjacent to the sofa. Heâs laying down, scrolling at his phone. Putting his dad on read and ignoring Fuyumiâs and momâs chatbox. He opted to look at cat videos instead. Soon, Katsuki came out of the bathroom, drank the offered tea, and laid down on the sofa.
They spent probably an hour separately looking at their phones when Shouto finally calls it a night. He turned off the lights, and tuck himself in. Before he said goodnight, Shouto thinks and his desires take.
âWanna hang out tomorrow?â he asked.
Blood red eyes look at him from the screen, âWhere?â
Shouto shrugs, âI donât know, just around, get my mind off things. Thereâs a cat cafe Iâve been wanting to see, then weâll go from there.â
Katsuki stares, seemingly thinking it over, âHave you ever been to a rock climbing gym?â
âA what?â
Katsuki smirks, sharp-teethed and evil, âOh youâre in for a fucking experience, red velvet oreo.â
Shouto is a bit suspicious, even so, he finds himself looking forward to tomorrow.
  +++++
 Iâm sorry for not telling you sooner, but you shouldnât think that way. Of course youâll have more friends. Youâre more lovable than you think, Shouto.
Something changed between them after that weekend. Comfort grows between them. Comfort that they donât want to let go just yet, perhaps not anytime soon.
The bad thing about it is that everyone notices. Everyone.
To their friend's credit though, they came to school together, walking very close to each other. It was fully initiated by Shouto, but Katsuki didnât snap or push him away, so he assumed everything is okay.
Everything is absolutely not okay because the moment he walks to class everyone has eyes on them. Shouto thought it wonât matter to him, but Katsuki tends to be defensive. When Katsuki is defensive, he pushes people away. Shouto tried not to watch Katsuki for the whole class.
Momo noticed, of course, but she notices more than superficial things.
âShouto,â Momo whispers, âEverything alright?â
Shouto gives her a smile and nods.
Itâs not until theyâre getting up for lunch that Shouto is tested in a form of Kirishima.
âBakubro! How long have you been dating Todobro?â
The world screech halt, and Kirishima tensed at the sudden chill heâs feeling. When Kirishima found the source of burning in his back, he sees Shouto, glaring hard and terrifyingly at him. Face darkens, pupils small, ready to kill.
Kirishima squeaks, âHe-hey, uh-â
âBack off Kiri, itâs none of your business,â is all Katsuki says. Not even a scream, just a conversational tone as if heâs bored. No defensiveness, no snarling at Shouto in retaliation. âThe fuck are yall extras staring at? Move outta my way, Iâm hungry!â Then he left.
No one is barging Shouto with questions instead. Itâs out of character of his classmates to not poke their nose in something juicy, but as he drops his butt at his chair, he finds himself alone in class.
Shouto is left in class with a big wave of relief, so much that he couldnât stand. Why is it that the thought of Katsuki pushing him away scares him this much?
A hand landed on his desk, he looks up to find Momoâs honest stare, âSomething is not alright.â
Shouto sighs, âNo.â
Unlike Katsuki, Momo never pries, only assuring that sheâs there for him. Unlike Momo, Katsuki understands that some things canât be fixed, wherein if he opens up to Momo and some others, they tried to help by fixing. The number of times his friends told him, again and again, to go to Ito-san when they found out about Dabi being his brother is an exhausting amount. Maybe thatâs why Shouto has been more comfortable with laying his problems to Katsuki.
So he eats lunch with Momo in the silence of comfortable company, and thereâs just that.
  +++++
 Thank you for being there for me. Youâre the bestest best friend I could ever wish for. And you wonât be lonely for long, youâll see.
Shouto has peaceful days following that first Monday. His comfort with Katsuki doesnât change. Though they don't get together on the rooftop anymore (Iida never let go of his key since Katsuki managed to steal it), they still gravitate towards each other whenever they donât feel particularly great.
Katsuki would approach and say things like, âThey want me home this weekend.â
âYou wanna stay at the dorms or my place?â
âCanât. I know they wanted to talk to me about who I wanna stay with.â
âWe can make up an excuse if you want.â
âHm.â
Then they spent the rest of the day together, just sitting at the schoolâs lawn, looking at particularly nothing. And if they sit too close together and their clasped hands only partially hidden by their legs, no one pointed it out.
Shouto would approach and say things like, âFuyumi wants to call me, I know sheâs just gonna talk about how Iâm tearing the family apart.â
Katsuki snaps from his bed towards the window where Shouto is stepping down from his Elsa stairs.
Katsukiâs shock then turns to fury, âYour sister, Fuyumi, THAT Fuyumi said that to you?â
âShe wanted the family together. I think sheâs frustrated that I keep making my parents' union difficult.â
âYou know what, her spicy mapo tofu isnât that delicious anyway!â Katsuki barks his hands clenched down mini-explosions. Itâs one of Katsukiâs outbursts that Shouto doesnât understand, nor does he understand why her mapo tofu is related in any way, so he doesnât comment.
âIâm gonna head up to the roof, wanna come?â
âNo, youâll just smoke and youâd give me fucking cancer.â
Shouto feels cold, Katsuki had never said no from hanging out before, âFine.â
âWho said you can leave? Come here!â Katsuki held his ankle from the balcony, gripping tight.
Shouto blinks, remembering what Aizawa-sensei had said some days ago. âOh, are we gonna cuddle?â
Katsukiâs face set aflame, âJust fucking come in here Katy Perry, before I yank you by your stupid Poland flag hair.â
Shouto finds himself obeying at the thought of cuddling, but then confused, âWhy Katy Perry?â
âHot and cold.â
âI guess thatâll make sense if I know who Katy Perry is but.â
Katsuki spat a curse, âAlright, time for a session of pop culture.â
âBut I already had them with Mina and Seroâ
âAnd theyâre doing a shit job about it if you didnât know the person that shapes a whole ass generation.â
It started with a music video of Hot and Cold by Katy Perry and ends with a retelling biography of Lady Gaga. Who knew Katsuki is so knowledgeable about female pop stars.
âTELL ANYONE AND DIE,â He said after Shouto pointed it out.
Most important of all, they did cuddle. They were sitting on the bedside then suddenly theyâre laying down side by side. Theyâre watching a gameplay video of a Swedish man playing a horror game, another important role in pop culture as Katsuki said. Itâs an old video, and Katsuki said that the man owns some part of Antarctica, which Shouto knows itâs some kind of an inside joke.
The nights getting late, and Shouto is reminded of the text on his phone, how it vibrates occasionally. Shouto has been in Katsukiâs room for four hours, but he doesnât want to go back to his room.
Katsuki notices him lingering, âYou wanna stay here for the night?â
Shouto looks up from Katsukiâs phone with big sparkling eyes, âYou sure?â
âTch, I wouldnât have offered if I donât.â Katsuki looks away, exposing his neck that seems red to the tip of his ears, âItâll be a little cramp though with my single bed.â
âI donât mind it. Just donât kick me out of bed.â
âNo promises.â
Katsuki didnât. He curled away from Shouto as soon as the blankets tucked. Â Their backs pressed against each other because of the small space. Shouto finds it hard to fall asleep, could be the new environment or the gnawing anxiety.
Heâll admit that Fuyumi is his favorite sibling. Sheâs there for him when he was condemned in that lonely manor only to train and study. Fuyumi stays back for him, tend to his wounds, cook for him, keep him company. Natsuo had left and rarely come back, even though heâs there for Shouto in the end.
Then his dad had a bootleg redemption arc and Fuyumi dropped him like hot potato and shoved both of them together despite what Shouto feels about his dad. When his parents are getting back together, Fuyumi stopped consoling Shouto and started to support them blindly. So desperate to have their family together. Doesnât she know that thereâs nothing to salvage? Doesnât she remember what he did?
âI can hear you from here, air conditioner,â Katsuki grumbles, his back vibrates, âGo to sleep.â
âIâm trying.â
Shouto canât stop thinking, canât stop getting angry and getting hurt. It hurts when his sister is pointing the blame at Shouto, it hurts even more when itâs kind of true. It hurts that despite his fear of facing her, he still owes her a call at least. Heâll never be ready for what sheâs about to say, never be ready to be hurt by her. Shouto turns around and buries his face at Katsukiâs back, ducking under the cover.
âWhat is it?â Katsuki asks, not demanding, but Shoutoâs floodgates are opened.
âI donât understand how they could forgive him. He hurts mom, he hurts Touya to a point that he left and hates us, and he... he hurts me. Itâs just training but-but- fine, okay, it hurt and I was scared most of the time that heâs not gonna pull his punches. Fuyumi forgives him so easily, and mom just went back in there even though they were never in love in the first place. Itâs like theyâve forgotten what he had done, how deeply he scars all of us. Like what- like what happened didnât matter.â Shoutoâs voice breaks the whole time, a sob escaped in between the jumbled words and heâs trying so hard, so hard not to cry.
Katsuki turns around, his arms wrapped around Shoutoâs hunched shoulders. A burnt sweet scent hits his nostrils, his face pressed against a defined neck and collarbones. All tenseness bleeds away when Katsuki starts rubbing his back, and tears break from his eyes without his will. Shouto wraps his arms around his friendâs torso, feeling his chest constrict when Katsuki mercifully says nothing about the silent tears landing on his chest.
He shuts his lips, pressing tightly because heâs not sobbing to Katsukiâs chest. Theyâre comfortable with each other but not that comfortable... right? Shoutoâs tolerance to breakdown cries is thanks to exposure to crying most of his childhood, the same canât be said for Katsuki. The hug is enough, itâs everything. Shouto never realized how much he craved being touched until that day Katsuki sits way too close to him.
His lips pressed tight keeping from sobbing, but his hands tremble on Katsukiâs back instead.
âDamn, youâre touch starved arenât you,â Katsuki sighs to his hair, his face buried there.
âI didnât know,â Shoutoâs voice shaking pathetically, breaking at the edge and Shouto is too torn to care about it.
âMe too.â
Shouto doesnât know which one Katsuki meant, but neither let go until they sleep.
  ++++++
 I love you too, Shouto. Donât be scared of letting people in, okay? Not all of them are gonna leave you, I promise.
Things get rough, but their comfort pushes each other through.
Katsuki chooses to stay with his dad, but heâs co-parenting with his mom. Katsuki spends his weekends at both their house, switching every weekend. Thereâs still tenseness between his parents, and Katsuki explodes whenever his dad or mom asks Katsuki about the other. âStop fucking asking me! If you wanna know so much then you shouldnât have gotten the divorce!â Katsuki doesnât want to hear their reasoning, feeling better to just accept the change and move on, but Shouto thinks heâs just not ready to hear it. Sometimes Katsuki stays at the dorms with Shouto or the Todoroki estate when he gets overwhelmed.
Shouto finally talks to his mom. At first, it didnât go anywhere. Sheâs as unsure as Shouto, but her willingness to try and salvage the marriage is as honest as it comes, even though her feelings might not be there yet. It feels like hearing Fuyumi talk, hearing the same desperation and blindness in putting things together. Itâs hard to understand her foolishness, but Shouto tried to trust her. Shoutoâs opinion might have been persuaded a little when his father announced that theyâll be moving houses due to momâs tense reaction to the place. Itâs a plus that his dad is willing to do that for his wife, but Shouto is still keeping an eye on them.
Then things get better, but their comfort doesnât stop. Shouto is comfortable in following his desires without questioning them, but he quizically finds that Katsuki seeks him too even though he no longer approach Shouto with that near tears scowl, and situation bomb.
âHowâs your mom?â Katsuki asked out of the blue under the summer blue sky. Theyâre sitting by the school lawn, their backs to a tree trunk, their friends strangely been leaving them alone.
âSheâs fine.â
âThen why did you want to meet here?â Katsuki murmurs, looking down at the comic book Shouto lends him but not reading it. The tips of his ears are red.
Oh, Katsuki is testing the waters, âI just want to be with you.â
Katsuki flushes, âEw, where the fuck did you even get that cheesy line.â
Shouto pays the snark no mind. âWe haven't had any excuses for being together lately, do we?â
Katsuki hums.
âDo you not like it?â
âItâs fine,â Katsuki grumbles.
âSay... If I ask you to go to a cat cafe this Saturday, will you go?â
âSatan in hell, cat cafe again? I still have fucking fur on my black jacket from the previous visit! I felt like weâve been to all the cat cafes in the country!â
Shouto pouts, âThatâs not possible.â
âLetâs go hiking instead.â
âOkay.â
Katsuki twist his head towards him, âYou would?â
âJust us two right?â
âObviously, thereâs no way Iâm taking those extras. Those nature documentaries made them wimps.â
Shouto only listened to the first word he uttered, âIâll go with you.â
Then Katsuki looks him that way again. Soft eyes, relaxed eyebrows, fond stares, and the most devastating of all, a small genuine smile.
âCool. Come to my place, we have to wake up early. I miss seeing the sunset there, itâs awesome.â Thereâs light in his maroon eyes, excited to go, and heâs taking Shouto with him to his hobby, his precious place.
Shouto feels warmth radiating from his chest all the way down to his toes, a smile blooms on his face. Heâs been feeling this mysterious warmth pretty often lately, only now has he realized that Shouto is happy and that he hasnât been lonely despite his current family strain.
Katsukiâs rambling about his favorite hiking spot is cut short when Shouto leans in to kiss the corner of his lips. The smile is exchanged with shocked parted lips. Shouto feels himself shrink by the silence of Katsukiâs loud mouth and the pinning stare of his sharp eyes. Blood rushed to Shoutoâs cheeks, knowing that heâs blushing up a storm, suddenly nervous.
âIs that okay?â Shout asks, too cowardly to say that he wants more, closer, to continue being together for no reason at all other than just because.
âNo.â
Heâs grabbed by the face, and a pair of lips pressed against his. Shouto expected to be bitten, his head clawed, and his lips bruised. But the weeks he spent with Katsuki shouldâve made him know better. Because the gentle hands cradling his face, the complete capture of his lips, and the soft nips are all unsurprising. Shouto melts away, leaning his whole weight so theyâre chest to chest. He grabs Katsuki by the hips, pulling closer, kissing back.
Katsuki hums, and the vibration echoes on Shoutoâs body deliciously. Katsukiâs lips taste sweet and hot as it moves to nibble Shoutoâs bottom lip. The hands cupping his face moves past his neck. One is clutching his back and the other plays with the hair at the back of his head. Fingers card gently around his nape and Shouto has a whole body shiver.
Then the lips go missing, and Shouto goes limp in Katsukiâs arms, gasping for breath on his chest.
âAnd thatâs how you kiss, Strawberry Shortcake,â Katsuki says smugly, patting Shoutoâs back condescendingly.
Shouto scoffs and leans back. Katsuki still has that fond eyes as he looks at him, but now paired with a cheeky smirk. Shouto wants to kiss that too, and Shouto does.
From then on, itâs expected that he sometimes steps down his icy stairs just to cuddle with Katsuki, and itâs perfectly acceptable that Katsuki barges into his room and starts pulling his hand towards wherever he wants.
Theyâd still bicker sometimes, and sometimes Shouto unintentionally steps on some lines that set Katsuki to explode. Sometimes Katsuki is frustrated with him. Those days they fight makes him nervous.
But they always say their apologies eventually. Katsuki always comes back and tries again with him. Even when the fights are between them, they eventually get over it and get better while theyâre still leaning onto each other for comfort.
Eventually, Shouto keeps the coffin ashtray in his keepsake instead of his pocket.
Heâd like to think that he can finally let her go now that sheâs proven right.
Shouto finds someone that loves him, someone that makes him happy, and someone that doesnât leave.
 ++++
nicknames that didn't make it: Colgate toothpaste, hot pocket, tide pod, dry ice. nicknames that I magically forgot: Half and half.
Tag yourself as Shoutoâs nickname, Iâm water dispenser.
#todobaku#bakutodo#todoroki shouto#todoroki shĆto#bakugo katsuki#todobaku fic#todobaku fanfic#Todobaku fanfiction#emocel's#I'm crying#i googled shouto's nickname for this#I saw 'Strawberry Shorcake' and I lose my mind#I saw a trope that Bakugo smells like caramel becs of his quirk and i lose my mind#todoroki shoto fluff#boku no hero#boku no hero fanfic#my hero academia#my hero academy fanfiction
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Vocivore, Ltd. (33 of 41?)
Also on FFN and AO3 (ListerofTardis)
Tagging @ouatwinterwhump, @killian-whump, @sancocnutclub, @killianjonesownsmyheart1Â and @courtorderedcake <3
***THE MOST WONDERFUL COVER ART BY @cocohook38 HERE!!!!!******
***Chapter 12 animation and art that will absolutely astound you!!!!!!!!!**********
***LETHAL Chapter 19 art in all of its BLOODSTAINED GLORY!!!!************
**POOR STABBED KILLIAN falling into the sheriff station! Ch. 7 & 23 art!!**
****KILLIAN AND HIS MASTER IN THE GORGEOUS CATHEDRAL!!!!!!!!!!!! Â Â CHAPTER 1 ART THAT KILLS ME EVERY TIME I SEE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*********
*****AMAZING AND ALSO HEARTBREAKING COVER ART!!!!! MY POOR BOY, HELPLESS AND SCREAMING WHILE HE SLOWLY LOSES HIS GRIP ON REALITY⊠D: COCOHOOK38 IS TRYING TO KILL US ALL!!!!*************
***AAAAHHHH!!! THANK YOU MY WONDERFUL COCONUT FRIEND!!!!!!***
Present (Friday, continued)...
âWhat is the meaning of this?â demanded Killianâs Master, its voice booming in the surveillance room, as menacing as he had ever heard it. Slowly, Killian lay the sword on the table next to the final monitor, raising his mangled stump as if in surrender while keeping his right side shielded from view.
âI⊠wasâŠâ
Sudden peals of laughter split the air as the video streams came to abrupt life. Hope as an infant, giggling hysterically at the antics of her parents. Joining her, a recording of Queen Reginaâs coronation, when peoples of all realms had united in joyous support. A jubilant Storybrooke High School football team celebrating a win over their new rivals from Agrabah. The wildest group dance from Robin and Aliceâs wedding reception. And then, despite never having had the chance to identify the final camera, another hijacked feed: the night when Ursula had joined the community symphony for a command performance, her regained voice simply enchanting.
The Master took a step back, shuddering and pressing both claws to its head. It was in obvious discomfort as it growled,
âHow⊠how have youâŠ?â
Killian drew one of the daggers from its bandage sheath, then the other. âNot such a pain enthusiast when youâre the recipient, are you?â
âTurn⊠it⊠off!â snarled the creature, taking another step toward the doorway. It shook and curled in on itself like a dying spider. Killian allowed himself a single preparatory breath before he struck.
The first dagger clattered against monsterâs thick carapace, barely even nicking its immaculate waistcoat. But the second buried itself to the hilt in the creatureâs thick jowls, eliciting a roar of rage and pain. Echoing its animal howl, Killian snatched up the sword, vaulted over an unconscious slave, and swung with all of his strength.
The blade bounced harmlessly off a shielding pincer, sending shock waves all the way up to Killianâs shoulder. Just the faintest of dents in the chitin hinted at the blowâs landing zone. With another yell of exertion, he lopped off an approaching tentacle. The severed end convulsed on the ground and leaked the same purple blood that now spurted from the spasming stump. Killian kicked aside the mess and couldn't help feeling a small spark of glee. To the accompaniment of monstrous shrieks, contrasting wildly with the looped positivity feeds, Killian aimed for the Masterâs unprotected throat. He ducked a flailing half-tentacle and drove the sword forward in a mighty thrust. The adrenaline of the moment and certainty of victory muted every pain, leaving only focused determination. Now this demon would die.
The Masterâs pincer seemed to move faster than physically possible. It shot forward to catch the blade in an iron grip, ceasing all momentum. In desperate frustration, Killian heaved his weight on top of the sword, trying to yank it from the claw. But it was stuck fast. And then the Master rose, fiery hatred blazing in its eyes. Violet flecks sprinkled its face and clothing. It straightened to its full, towering height, no longer quivering, no longer vulnerable.
Killian slipped on the Masterâs blood as it wrenched the sword from his hand. He went down hard, but even on hip and elbow, he fought. The fallen dagger lay just out of reach. He rolled stiffly over, stretching, reachingâŠ
His fingers closed around the hilt, and he felt a surge of frantic hope. But then the remaining tentacle lassoed his wrist. Before he could even struggle, it jerked upward with such force that it wrenched his shoulder right out of its socket. Killian cried out, managing to keep a futile hold on the dagger as he was hauled to his feet. Never had he wished harder to have his other hand back. Despite the pain in his shoulder and a rush of dizziness, he lashed out with the ring in his wrist, aiming for the blade still embedded in his Masterâs neck.
He missed. The tentacle pulled sharply and he could do nothing but follow as his damaged shoulder instinctively protected itself. His ring was caught by the half-tentacle, which retained its functionality despite the blood still flowing. Two crab legs stabbed down atop his  feet, pinning them in place. And hopeless tears filled Killianâs eyes. Now he awaited only his death. The plan had failed.
Emma would hear.
Casually, his Master used its unoccupied claw to pluck the dagger from its neck. A purple trail soon stained the cotton collar below. It inspected the bloodsoaked blade for the space of a heartbeat, barely glancing at Killian before plunging the weapon into his chest.
Killian screamed. Hope laughed. The high schoolers cheered and the revelers applauded.
The Vocivore brought the point of the sword up under Killianâs chin. It fastidiously brushed down and straightened its waistcoat before speaking, a faint raggedness to its tone giving the only hint of continued strain.
âVery clever, Tripod. Just not enough. But I will admit, you almost succeeded where no one has ever come close before.â It pressed harder with the blade, and Killian lacked the strength or will to pull away. His Master watched the tears fall, read the surrender in its slaveâs eyes. And it lowered the sword ever so slightly. âYou will die. Not out of revenge or hatred, for you are still my favorite Voice. But out of respect for you as a foe, and out of necessity because of the threat you still pose.â
The Master allowed the sword point to rest on the ground. âThat isnât to say that I wonât extract every ounce of energy from you first. I donât know how youâve resisted my will for so long, nor how you managed to hide your scheme from me. But your final hours will be spent wishing you had surrendered at the first. Begging me to end it.â
Carelessly, his Master tossed the sword at the power strip; sparks flew as it severed the cord, and the sounds of victory cut to the silence of defeat.
Quaking with shock and anguish, Killian could barely keep to his feet. He felt his Master stroke a claw down his cheek, and it whispered,
âBut Iâm still your Master, Tripod. And I will decide when you are to die.â
*****
Emma sat frozen, staring at her phone, silent tears streaming down her face. Waiting for the inevitable, for that final blow, the last scream, the last beat of Killianâs heart. The atmosphere was heavy with failure despite the happy moments projected on each computer screen. Neither one of the roomâs occupants could hear the looped audio chaos anymore.
Jonesâ face darkened with resolve. He got to his feet, closed both laptops within reach, and marched to Emmaâs side.
âWeâre not done yet,â he announced. Emma blinked up at him through puffy eyelids.
âYou heard the bastard: itâs going to kill him.â
No ounce of hope tempered her words; she spoke robotically, as if her soul were somehow with Killian as he was dragged from the surveillance room. Jones took her hand in his.
âAye, but thereâs time yet. What do you say we put it to good use?â
Emma looked at him with such desolation that he was tempted to throw up his hands and allow her to grieve in peace. But he would never forgive himself for that⊠and he already had the first inkling of a plan. He cocked an eyebrow at her.
âAre you familiar with the Wookiee prisoner gag?â
#ouat fanfiction#killian jones#emma swan#wish realm killian#whump#dislocation#stabbed#failed plan#in big trouble now#operation laugh floor#OK COCOHOOK38 NOW WHERE'S MY ART#(lol j/k) don't feel obligated#but in case you have some artstage going on#i posted early just for you#Vocivore ltd
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NIGHTSHADE
Release Date:Â Â December 20, 2018 (North America) Developers:Â Red Entertainment / LANTERN ROOMS Publishers: D3Publisher Platforms:Â Â Nintendo Switch, PC (Steam) ESRB Rating:Â MÂ (Mature) 17+
 Walkthroughs:
Goemon
Chojiro
Hanzo
Kuroyuki
Gekkamaru
Common Route
 PROLOGUE (from Nightshadeâs official site) During the Sengoku Period the two main factions of ninja clans, Iga and KĆga, warred against each other for decades. In the year 1593, Nobunaga Oda started the TenshĆ Iga war, decimating most of the Iga ninjas in the process. The very few that survived were absorbed into the KĆga clan, despite their past rivalries. After 17 years the Sengoku Period finally came to an end, and Japan was unified.
Enju (Protagonist), daughter of KandĆ Ueno, the Head of the KĆga clan, spends her days training diligently in hope of becoming a full-fledged ninja like her peers. At long last, she is assigned to her first mission but finds herself caught in a dark conspiracy.
 ART AND MUSIC One of Nightshadeâs prominent features thatâll easily make an impression among otome fans, is its art style. The game credits non-other than the famous illustrator, Teita whoâs fairly popular for her other works such as Norn9, the Juuzaengi Engetsu Sangokuden saga and the recently released visual novel, Charade Maniacs.
I wish I could say the same for the gameâs musical score. The OP theme was nice but wasnât memorable at all. The END theme (Good End) however, âTaezaru Hanaâ by MIKOTO was pretty soothing that I ended up purchasing the track in iTunes. Listen to the full song below:
 Voice Acting Nightshade honestly has the best seiyuu lineup. The voice acting was, in fact, one of the major highlights of the game. The VAs really did an amazing job capturing your emotions. I was already expecting this much from their topnotch VA list, but they did more than stellar performances with this game! Every seiyuu involved were magnificent, even the side character, Ieyasu Tokugawa (voiced by Koki Miyata, whoâs famous for his role as Ukyo in Amnesia), did an amazing job portraying his cunning personality.
 Hikaru Midorikawa â„ âGoemon Ishikawaâ â Tamahome (Fushigi Yuugi Suzaku Ibun), Zenya (Sweet Pool), Ayato (Diabolik Lovers), Hanate (7âScarlet), Yutaka Nabari (Nil Admirari)
Wataru Hatano âGekkemaruâ â Asato (Lamento Beyond the Void), Lindo (Dance with the Devils), Kotarou (Hakuoki), Sakiyama Youji (Sweet Pool), Yuuto (Storm Lover)
Hiro Shimono âKuroyukiâ â Shou Kurusu (Utapri), Senri Ichinose (Norn9), Sou Kiryuu (Harukanaru Toki no Naka De 5), Ricchie (Black Wolves Saga), Ray Blackwell (Ikerev)
Kenjiro Tsuda âHanzo Hattoriâ â Chikage Kazama (Hakuoki), Soshi Amazaki (The Charming Empire), Leonardo Da Vinci (Ikevamp), Nathan Seymour (Tiger & Bunny)
Kosuke Toriumi âChojiro Momochiâ â Hajime Saito (Hakuoki), Kagiha (Psychedelica BB), Poyo-Poyo (Period Cube), Hideyoshi (Ikesen), Lawrence (Psychedelica AH), John Watson (Code Realize)
 MAIN CHARACTERS (Spoiler Free)
I must say, I love all of the characters and their routes that it was hard for me to pick a favorite. If youâre concerned with plot spoilers in your first playthrough, my recommendation would be to play the routes in the following order (from least to greatest in spoiler content):Â Goemon â Hanzo â Chojiro â Kuroyuki â Gekkamaru. For enjoyability, Iâd recommend playing in the same order. Goemon and Hanzo were the lighter routes, Chojiro was angst from start to finish and the brothers (Kuroyuki and Gekkamaru) had more plot revelations than youâve expected. I would also strongly recommend saving Gekkamaruâs route for last, trust me when I say, this makes your last playthrough more worthwhile. đ
 GOEMON ISHIKAWA
The Japanese Robin Hood
ladykiller
True to his name in history books, Goemon Ishikawa is the legendary Japanese outlaw who stole gold and other valuables from the rich to give to the poor. Heâs very popular among the townspeople due to his ingenious thieving schemes. He is known to send prior notices to his targets before he robs them off their treasures. Goemon is also a highly skilled ninja who has the wit of a brilliant tactician.
Playing Goemonâs route first was a good choice since his story was the lightest among the bachelors in the game, plus I havenât fallen in love with Midorikawaâs voice in a while, so thereâs also that ha! I find Goemonâs story really refreshing due to his carefree personality and charismatic nature. Because of this, it was so easy to like this character from the get-go. Going down his route will let you discover a few revelations regarding Goemonâs past, where he came from and how he ended up as the notorious thief he is now. His route also offers a couple of plot twists and although it was a little predictable towards the end, it was executed really well where it didnât feel awkward nor forced. As far as the romance goes, Goemon is a straight up, ladykiller. It was fun to see his relationship with Enju develop all throughout his route. His playful teasing and his easy-going personality will have you falling for him in no time.
 HANZO HATTORI
Mr. stoic ninja
kuudere
Besides, being Lord Ieyasu Tokugawaâs personal guard, Hanzo is also the Tokugawa clanâs shinobi leader. Because of his resounding title as the strongest ninja history has ever known, he is very popular among all the shinobi clans in Japan. He is normally calm and collected but will not hesitate to become ruthless for the success of his mission.
Hanzo is the oldest among the bachelors (and I absolutely love him!) He is, I believe 33 years old, making quite an age gap between him and the heroine Enju, but LOL this is Toyotomi-Tokugawa (Edo 1600âs â 1800âs) period weâre talking about, where huge age gaps among couples are very commonâŠÂ But age aside, let me tell you⊠Hanzoâs route completely took me by surprise! I have no words! *Breaths heavily* I guess, I was already eyeing this character from the start since Kenjiro Tsuda voiced him. But I wasnât expecting his arc to be this good that it literally caught me off guard. He ended up becoming my favorite of the entire game!
At first, he started as the very straightforward stoic kind, whoâs only doing his master, Lord Tokugawaâs bidding. But after a few encounters where he teams up with the heroine and helps her survive, he begins to slightly soften up, giving us a glimpse of his true adorable fluffy nature. Both Hanzo and Enju go through tremendous character development in this route, especially the heroine. I just love seeing Enju prove herself time and again how much she wanted to make it as a true shinobi while she constantly faces hardships every step of the way (sheâs freakinâ cool!)Â I also love seeing Hanzo unexpectedly supporting her through her struggles. Itâs as if, rather than saving her all the time, he wants her to learn to depend on herself instead; and to me, this relationship was truly very refreshing, not to mention absolutely heartwarming. Expect a lot of badass back to back action scenes in this route, where Hanzo and Enju kick some ninja ass!
 CHOJIRO MOMOCHI
Big Brother
Angst! Angst! Angst!
Chojiro is the son of the late leader of Iga, Tanba Momochi . After losing his family and clan in the Tensho Iga War at the age of five, he joined the Koga clan along with the other Iga survivors. Chojiro is also the heroineâs cousin as well as her mentor/trainer. He is a man of a few words and he completely devotes himself to his missions without questions.
I made a mistake playing Chojiroâs route earlier in the game as I wasnât ready for a sudden whirlwind of angst! At the start, Chojiroâs personality was very closed off, its almost as if he has built a wall before him to keep others away. Because of his tragic past, he doesnât want to get attached to anyone, afraid heâd lose them at the blink of an eye just like how he lost his parents when he was young. This makes his relationship with Enju a little less intimate from the beginning. As the heroine tries her best to get a closer reach of him, he waves his feelings off because heâs conflicted between succeeding his missions as a shinobi versus his own desire to help Enju and stay by her side.
Chojiroâs route was also the most tragic in the game!đ Yaâll better prepare those tissues! Romantic wise, his story was not my favorite. The drama just out-weights the romance on this one. I do love the writing in his route though. It seriously gave me an emotional breakdown I wasnât prepared for. đ
I suggest playing his route in the middle to get the angst out of the way. This, also kinda gives you more room to recuperate from the heavy drama before jumping into an even more dramatic finish as you do Gekkaâs route last.
 KUROYUKI
clever, cunning
soft yand
Kuroyuki is Gekkamaruâs younger brother. Right after he was born, both boys became orphans and were taken in by Enjuâs family. He was sent away on an extended mission when he was eight, by the heroineâs father Kando Ueno, whoâs also the leader and head chief of the Koga clan. Kuroyuki is also the same age as Enju (16).
Not much is revealed about this character other than he is Gekkamaruâs brother who was sent on a secret mission when he was eight years old. Where did he go? What was he doing for the last eight years he was gone? It was rather questionable how his character (in other routes) always comes and goes sporadically in the plot.
I couldnât really expound more on Kuroyukiâs arc without entering spoiler territory but going down his route will let you discover one interesting revelation about him and the gameâs overarching plot. It was quite satisfying to play Yukiâs route because finally! we get to fill in some plot holes. I fell in love with his story for the same reasons some people are calling it out for. It wasnât light nor easy-going as Goemonâs or Hanzoâs, it wasnât tragic as Chojiroâs or Gekkamaruâs. It was dark and I probably wouldnât have it in any other way. Kudos to Hiro Shimono for breathing extra life to this character!
 GEKKAMARU
best boi
puppy eyes
true route ish?
After losing his family at the age of three, Gekkamaru was adopted by the heroineâs parents along with his younger brother Kuroyuki. Gekkamaru was assigned to be Enjuâs trusted bodyguard when they were young and has proven his loyalty and devotion through time by sticking to his role as Enjuâs protector. He is wholeheartedly committed to his master (Enju) to a point where he becomes too overprotective of her.
So after going through all kinds of heaps and hooplas of playing and suffering each of the character routes in the game, I was finally on my last one, Gekkamaru. I know you can just play his route whenever but I chose to do his story last for the experience. ohoho!
âŠand I have no regrets!đ Gekkamaruâs route started with pure dramatic fluff as expected. It was just so precious and endearing to see how far this man would go for the sake of the heroine. His loyalty and dedication for Enju was such a pure bliss that it even pains me to see him doing too muchđ. His route was a combination of action, romance, a side of humor and a whole lot of drama as he and the heroine struggled to survive by each otherâs side. I thought to myself, âThis story couldnât get any better or worse, could it?â but then angst hits the fan through plot twists after plot twists (during the last chapters) and this was where the story really picked up. I was at lost for words. I felt really sad, angry and confused. His route put me through a tidal wave of emotions, I had to pause the game for a while, sit in a corner to get my head straight and my breathing in check! lmao! Gekkamaruâs route is like a slow burn, heart-rending gut punch and I absolutely loved it.
 ENJU UENO (Main Heroine)
Enju is a strong heroine and I adore her to bits. Unfortunately, her potentiality to become an even better shinobi was wasted in some routes because of the whole damsel in distress scenarios, with the exception on Hanzoâs and Gekkamaruâs route ~ these were the only story arcs where the heroine was able to hone her skills as a ninja and show us her true strengths.
Enju Ueno was literally, thrown to the wolves when she got caught up into this despicable game of survival, out of the blue. Not only that, but the ordeal she went through of betrayal, loss, and sorrow was absolutely too much to handle for someone her age. Still, despite all the hardships, she chose to live and survive. I was thoroughly impressed by her determination which I believe was one of her strongest points. YES, this is one badass heroine right here folks!
 Side Characters
Ennosuke (Left) â The fastest ninja in the Koga clan. Heâs not romanceable, and I donât think Iâd want him as a dateable character either, heh. I ship him with Kyara though. I love the chemistry with both of their characters.
Kyara (Right) â Proud, graceful, responsible, and badass on the battlefield. Her weapon of choice is a âchigirigiâ which is similar to the âmorning starâ in medieval age weaponry. I ship her with Ennosuke. Also, Saori Hayami voices her, so this to me was a plus!
Kasumi (Center) â the cutest, most adorable ninjaâŠever! Sheâs the youngest of Chojiroâs disciples. Looks up to Enju and Kyara as her older sisters. I love her so much! *must protecc*
 SYSTEM AND LOCALIZATION I purchased the physical copy of Nightshade (proxy shipped) which lets you choose three language options to start the game with (English, Chinese, Japanese). I can say, that the localization was fairly decent. I didnât play the PC version, but I asked a few people who owned both PC and Switch copy and as far as their answers go, D3Publisher did not change the English translations for Nightshade on the Switch. They changed the fonts though! D3Publisher is known to deliver decent game localizations. Theyâre not the best but theyâre not disappointing either. Iâve spotted a couple of minor typos in the game, but itâs NOT something that would ruin the whole experience for you.
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The Switch system was very comfortable and very easy to navigate from the jump. They even offer a ârewindâ option for you to backtrack scenarios, which to me, was a saving grace. This way, making the correct save files became a piece of cake. The Nintendo Switch version also contains the gameâs DLC âSpecial Contentâ. These are extra fluff episodes that happened in the middle of a characterâs story. They also come with a special CG (one for each story).
 TRAILER
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 OVERALL THOUGHTS? (ïŸÂŽăź`)ïŸ*:  It took me a total of 30 hours to finish the game, and none of these 1800 minutes spent were wasted. Yes, I loved every bit of it.
Although the story was set in the Sengoku âWarringâ period of Japan. Instead of the usual cliche battleground premise thatâs normally used in Sengoku themed animes and VNs. Nightshadeâs story focused more on the darker side of politics during the said period. The indirect âbattle royaleâ theme, I admit, was quite bracing and very well paced. It was something I never expected to actually work in an otome game.
Besides the Nightshadeâs gorgeous artwork, I wanted to compliment the gameâs stunning special effects, such as the leaves falling in the BG, flower petals scattering about  (whenever Enju uses her ninjitsu), and the moving sprites (which played exceptionally well during fight scenes). The voice acting for Nightshade blew me away and I couldnât have wished for a better seiyuu lineup. I guess my only gripe here was Enjuâs inconsistency as the heroine. In some routes, sheâs badass while in others, sheâs weak and very dependent. Her characteristics as a whole seem to vary depending on whoâs the guy sheâs with. I still love her as the main protagonist though!
While Iâve enjoyed playing all the routes in Nightshade and their respective stories, the ones that made an impression on me were Hanzoâs, Goemonâs and Gekkamaruâs. Chojiroâs was good but it was too angsty for my taste and while Kuroyukiâs story drove me to the edge of my seat, this is the route where Enju is at her weakest.
Do I recommend this game? YES This is the first ever english otome game in the Switch that I would no doubt recommend to everyone at the drop of a hat. Iâm so glad Iâve waited for this port, despite all the STEAM sales that have gone by the previous years đ (laughs). To be honest, I was even quite sad when I finished it đ
 and wished there was more content for me to delve into. If youâre having second thoughts whether or not itâs worth shelling out 48 bux to get this game in your Nintendo Switch Library. Hereâs my advice: GET IT! This oneâs definitely a gem and imo, almost up to par with the big titles (like Code Realize, Hakuoki, CxM). If you want an impressive storyline and characters you canât ever get enough of, I canât recommend Nightshade enough!
 CHLOâS RATING: 8/10
Nightshade Review (Nintendo Switch) NIGHTSHADE Release Date:  December 20, 2018 (North America) Developers: Red Entertainment / LANTERN ROOMS Publishers: D3PublisherâŠ
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The Troll Witch & Others: âMakomaâ
Words: Mike Mignola | Art: Mike Mignola & Richard Corben |Â Colours: Dave Stewart | Letters: Clem Robins
Originally published by Dark Horse in Hellboy: Makoma or, A Tale Told by a Mummy in the New York City Explorersâ Club on August 16, 1993 #1-2Â Â | February-March 2006
Collected in Hellboy - Volume 7: The Troll Witch and Others | Hellboy Library Edition - Volume 4 | Hellboy: Complete Short Stories - Volume 2
Plot Summary:
Hellboy listens to the story of Makoma, a giant slayer in Africa, as told by a mummy who bore witness to some of the heroâs deeds and was freed by them.
Reading Notes:
(Note: Pagination does not represent anything within the issues or collections themselves, it is solely in reference to the chapter.)
pg. 1 - Love the establishing shot for the Explorersâ club. And the old-time diving helmet that almost seems a staple of all of these groups.
pg. 1-2 - The story of the expedition to the lost city is interesting, but itâs more telling that Hellboy cares about the Professorsâs life, whereas Koman only cares about gaining more loot from antiquity.
pg. 3 - I like how it dovetails into the disappearance of Trevor Bruttenholm and the Cavendish expedition, with this being one of the first historical stories that fits within already established timelines and events.
Also, love young Hellboy.
pg. 4 - The colours that Dave Stewart is using for the flashback are beautiful. Nice soft purple that gives the entire sequence an ephemeral feel.
The small Hellboy figure reminds me of George Herriman.
pg. 5 - Itâs always interesting when Hellboy is transported away by an experience not witnessed by those around him.
Also, again, the colours are just gorgeous.
pg. 6 - Wonderful layout. The statues and architecture from Mignola are just amazing. Really enhancing the idea that the mummyâs story is transporting Hellboy elsewhere.
pg. 7 - And Hellboy drifts off to sleep. The structure and content of this story also reminds me of Antoine de Saint-ExupĂ©ryâs Le Petit Prince for some reason.
pg. 8 - Interesting that Hellboy would be Makoma.
Also, just look at the use of shadow and colour for the reveal of Makoma. Though we know what Hellboy looks like, itâs impressive enough as though weâre seeing him again for the first time. Richard Corben and Dave Stewart really complement one another well.
pg. 10 - The commands for the various quests always seem very strange.
pg. 11 -Â âTo wander... Days... Months... Years...â begins a clever little narrative trick that Mignolaâs going to use throughout the story of repetition and the passage of time. It takes the overall theme of cycles and presents it in its most basic form, working in the idea even when youâre not aware of it.
pg. 12 - The design for the first giant, working off a rhino, is incredible.
Also, I love Clem Robinsâ sound effects. Working them in as part of the panel is a nice touch. It gives the impression that the âCRAKâ is loud enough to even break the bounds of the panel.
pg. 14 - That idea of repetition also comes back through the gathering of the various giants into his sack.
pg. 15 - The elephant-giant is another great design. I also love how lush Corben is drafting the wildlife and flora. Itâs just beautiful.
And Mignola poking fun at the idea of putting all of these creatures, even miniaturized after Makoma absorbs their strength, into his sack.
pg. 16 - This one reminds me more of Abe than your average frog monster. I wonder if that was intentional.
pg. 17-18 - Wonderful fight sequence. Itâs a testament to the storytelling that though repetition is part of the theme, it never seems boring.
pg. 19 - Another great design for the fire demon/salamander here. The play between shadow and colour is incredible.
pg. 20-21 - Another stunning fight sequence.
pg. 22 - And thereâs the temptation, of Makoma becoming Anung Un-Rama. It makes you wonder, though, if this is Hellboyâs transference of his destiny to the Makoma tale or if weâre to take it as though Makoma is a previous incarnation of Hellboyâs spirit, or whatever. Iâd kind of lean towards the latter, since the overall theme of this story is repetitive cycles.
pg. 23 - And then we get the renunciation, similar to Hellboyâs own when faced with the choice.
pg. 24 - The âMakoma is greatâ chant from the fallen giants in his sack is hilarious every time.
pg. 25 - Gorgeous establishing shots.
pg. 27 - Corben reminding us that heâs as adept at the grotesque as anything else.
pg. 28 - Dudeâs idea of bliss is messed up. Who would think being a slave or âthe endless, dreamless sleep of living deathâ would be appealing to anyone? I think heâs been out getting baked with his giant sand ants for too long, huffing the fumes from the decomposing flesh of his pals.
pg. 29 - These ants are just neat.
pg. 30-31 - The trick in order to keep the bag is pretty clever.Â
pg. 32 - Thereâs the repetition of cycles through passage of time again. Itâs also kind of creepy as the bones begin to pile up.
pg. 33 - And weâre brought full circle to the old woman who commanded him to stick the giants in a sack at the beginning of the tale.
pg. 34 - Who apparently wants sex with Makoma. Thatâs an unexpected direction, definitely. And sheâs not an evil, soul-stealing witch either.
pg. 35 - The repetition again in a slightly different form of Makoma meeting the spirit of Africa, similar to how Hellboy did when he was a kid, is a nice touch. Also, the lions similar to how Hellboy was confronted by them in âThe Third Wishâ.
pg. 36 - The giantsâ fate is horrifying, heartbreaking, even as the old woman tells Makoma what sheâs done, and the look on his face is priceless.
pg. 37 - The tears are creepy.
pg. 38 - And the dropping of the glamour, or whatever, that made the old woman look young is a great composition.
Although it is an interesting touch that the giants sacrificed themselves to give the last of their strength to Makoma to face the final battle.
pg. 39 - I just love everything about these three panels. The build-up to the final confrontation is simple, but astounding. Great use of negative space through the bones.
pg. 40 - Makoma vs. The Dragon. Hellboy vs. the Ogdru Jahad. The design for the Dragon is also incredible.
pg. 41-43 - Epic battle.
pg. 44 - And then a shift, from looking like Hellboy in appearance to how youâd probably naturally expect Makoma to look.
pg. 45 - Death and rebirth, and a resumption of the cycle.
pg. 46 - Interesting revelation as to who the mummy is.
pg. 47 - Poor mummy.
Also, I love the repetition of Hellboyâs shocked look by Mignola of the similar panel earlier from Corben when he found out what heâd eaten.
pg. 48 - The matter-of-fact end title cards are hilarious.
Final Thoughts:
âMakomaâ kind of has an interesting place in the Hellboy canon in that it blends main narrative themes and concepts with the one-off nature of the various fables and folk tale retellings as well as the bits and pieces of Hellboyâs history to create a story that encapsulates pretty much all of Hellboy in microcosm. If you only wanted to read a single Hellboy tale to get the gist of the broader whole, it would be this one.
Itâs a tale that parallels the through line in the main narrative of Ragnarok. Of death and rebirth, of cyclical recurrences, and of destiny and breaking it.
Itâs also the first with legendary artist, Richard Corben, proving with every panel as to why heâs a master. Corben is great with weird and horror, but also with presenting, well, just about anything. This was the start of a number of collaborations between Mignola and Corben, with Corben almost becoming the face of the Hellboy history stories for a while (just as Duncan Fegredo would for the present as weâll see in Darkness Calls).
d. emerson eddy was beaten down and tossed in a sack. Please donât eat him.
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New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/thy-kingdom-come/
Thy Kingdom Come
FCGCT Commentary: Mother of All Creation was Jesus as one of her last incarnations in her attempt to ascend the planet. All religious texts and scripture flipped this so that all energy would be sent to a masculine figure, a further representation of how the Cabal has attempted to write the feminine, Mother God, Source, out of their teachings.
Thy Kingdom Come
By Alison Dhuanna via Mahalaâs Astrology
There has been so much incredible transformation of consciousness within humanity in the past few years it has at times been difficult to capture it in writing. Alongside these big shifts have been challenging events in Britain threatening to tear families and communities apart which have been some of the most challenging issues in terms of what to do or not do. This has mirrored the election of Trump in the USA and marks a turning point in history. It is in many ways a time to allow ourselves and others to grieve for lost worlds and ideals as we approach the Pluto Saturn conjunction in 2020.
What has been central in my world has been anchoring the 7th Violet Ray of the Atmic body (the auric âThou Kingdom Comeâ) into the physical body â when this occurs it brings a deep sense of peace, purity of heart and stability and the more spacious thoughts of higher consciousness are able to permeate more and more of daily life.
Energy gathers around the heart centre and it becomes easier to let go of the things bothering or agitating the mind and emotions. Many people are experiencing this already and this will be accelerated at this New Moon 3rd June by the âThy Kingdom Comeâ movement of billions of people across the globe praying for peace
At this New Moon at 12 degrees Gemini there is an alignment to Aldebaran one of the four Royal Watcher Stars. You may recall the extraordinary story of Saul who was a persecutor of the followers of Jesus and a military leader of the corrupt Roman State which had just executed him. On the road to Damascus Saul experienced an epiphany which threw him to the ground from his horse and left him blind. His healing three days later describes âscales falling from his eyesâ. This is what this New Moon offers, the clarity which flows through the âEye of the Bullâ.
The north node is aligned with Juno, Goddess of the Sacred Marriage in watery Cancer. There are many dimensions to understand Juno, and an important one for now is to perceive her as a core energy opening the Seventh Seal of Solomon. As we approach the Mayan Day Out of Time this year it is a year of special significance for the number 7, and also there are important movements of Venus this year which resonate to the number 7 (see below for more on this)
In the past few years you will have heard me say many times that I perceive the opening of the Holy Grail codes through the conjunction of Astraea (Spear of Fire) and Hygiea (Grail Cup). Today however I want to refer to them as the energy of Communion, as an understanding and embodiment of the mysteries of the Eucharist and a profound experience of abundance and togetherness as One Body of life which transcends all religions, nations or even our planetary consciousness. At this New Moon Venus lies in Taurus between these two Goddess asteroids bringing a dancing, creative feminine energy and enhanced experience of Gaiaâs profound beauty piercing our collective numbness. Together they are aligned with the Pleaides, the Seven Sisters.
Revelation 2.1â7
âTo the angel of the church in Ephesus write: These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand, who walks among the seven golden lampstands:
This is a profound moment in time where the divine feminine really makes her mark, and to illuminate the way in which the Creator unfolds the great mystery Iâd like to return to the story of Paul.
Having had his momentous experience, Paul sets out to be a very unexpected but effective apostle of Christ. He was a military man, so no doubt he had a very well thought out plan for the spread of these teachings across the world. Let us just remember for a moment the revolutionary nature of these teachings; every cultural norm from womenâsâ position to cleanliness had been challenged by Jesus.
Paulâs plans though were changed after he had a dream and was sent instead by God to Macedonia in Greece. There by the river he met Lydia, a woman of substantial wealth and independence who traded in purple cloth. She, with her sisters regularly worshipped by a river. When Paul told her his story and that of Jesus, she became the first Apostle of the Western world in what must have been a most holy of places (there is still a church there to this day). Lydiaâs story really moved me because she embodies so much of what I have come to know through so many years of struggling to embody these incredible Goddess Asteroid energies. Her sovereignty, royalty and wealth are very much resonant with Juno. Her independence and devotion very much resonate with Vesta the Priestess (in Aries at present moving into conjunction with Uranus). Her ability to take the ideas out into the world with such ease and grace really resonates with Pallas Athena (in Libra at the moment). It is not the first time Jesus takes his teachings first to women Apostles â think of Mary Magdalena at the tomb. Its quite astounding that women have been excluded from some areas of ministry for so long â though I am happy to say there is pretty much a gender balance now in the Church of England. When the male and female work together with dignity and respect miracles happen and this it seems from the story of Lydia, was always Godâs plan. We have been wondering around in the desert for a long time figuring that out it seems. The Goddess Asteroids are the heavenly bodies which in some mysterious way transmit these ways of being to us.
Time as we know is fractal and holographic, and I feel a great deal may be learnt from how things have unfolded before and these patterns repeat themselves down the ages. Christ consciousness is here among, it is the Communion and feeling of deep belonging in the web of life.
In this next week as part of the Global Thy Kingdom Come movement, I would like to invite you to pray for 5 people every day who you would like to know the compassion and true nature of the Creator; for the scales to fall from their eyes. We can create amazing synergy in this way in the web of life and praying for others is one of the best ways I have experienced of truly connecting with the suffering and experience of humanity, and not getting too caught up in our own emotional turmoil. These prayers may be body prayers or art works, poems or stories.
Above is a painting I did of Lydiaâs baptism with her sisters and the second painting below that was swimming in an Iodine infinity pool recently and feeling a complete sense of surrender and the Aqua ray of this feeling of âcommunionâ. Iâve heard of a few others experiencing this Aqua ray recently and I feel it is very much connected to this new level of energy anchoring heaven to earth, all around and everywhere in the web of life. The number of Christ Consciousness is 33, another number which may pop up for you this year.
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Saints&Reading: Sunday, March 25, 2108
Annunciation Most Holy Theotokos
The Feast of the Annunciation is one of the earliest Christian feasts, and was already being celebrated in the fourth century. There is a painting of the Annunciation in the catacomb of Priscilla in Rome dating from the second century. The Council of Toledo in 656 mentions the Feast, and the Council in Trullo in 692 says that the Annunciation was celebrated during Great Lent.
The Greek and Slavonic names for the Feast may be translated as âgood tidings.â This, of course, refers to the Incarnation of the Son of God and the salvation He brings. The background of the Annunciation is found in the Gospel of Saint Luke (1:26-38). The troparion describes this as the âbeginning of our salvation, and the revelation of the eternal mystery,â for on this day the Son of God became the Son of Man.
There are two main components to the Annunciation: the message itself, and the response of the Virgin. The message fulfills Godâs promise to send a Redeemer (Genesis 3:15): âI will put enmity between you and the woman, between your seed and her seed; he shall crush your head, and you shall lie in wait for his heel.â The Fathers of the Church understand âher seedâ to refer to Christ. The prophets hinted at His coming, which they saw dimly, but the Archangel Gabriel now proclaims that the promise is about to be fulfilled.
We see this echoed in the Liturgy of Saint Basil, as well: âWhen man disobeyed Thee, the only true God who had created him, and was deceived by the guile of the serpent, becoming subject to death by his own transgressions, Thou, O God, in Thy righteous judgment, didst send him forth from Paradise into this world, returning him to the earth from which he was taken, yet providing for him the salvation of regeneration in Thy Christ Himself.â
The Archangel Gabriel was sent by God to Nazareth in Galilee. There he spoke to the undefiled Virgin who was betrothed to Saint Joseph: âHail, thou who art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women. And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name Jesus. He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Most High: and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David: And he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there shall be no end.â
In contrast to Eve, who was readily deceived by the serpent, the Virgin did not immediately accept the Angelâs message. In her humility, she did not think she was deserving of such words, but was actually troubled by them. The fact that she asked for an explanation reveals her sobriety and prudence. She did not disbelieve the words of the angel, but could not understand how they would be fulfilled, for they spoke of something which was beyond nature.
Then said Mary unto the angel, âHow shall this be, seeing I know not a man?â (Luke 1:34).
âAnd the angel answered and said unto her, âThe Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Most High shall overshadow thee: therefore also that which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God. And, behold, thy cousin Elisabeth hath also conceived a son in her old age: and this is the sixth month with her, who was called barren. For with God nothing shall be impossible.â And Mary said, âBehold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.â And the angel departed from her.â (Luke 1: 35-38)
In his Sermon 23 on the day of the Annunciation, Saint Philaret of Moscow boldly stated that âthe word of the creature brought the Creator down into the world.â He explains that salvation is not merely an act of Godâs will, but also involves the Virginâs free will. She could have refused, but she accepted Godâs will and chose to cooperate without complaint or further questions.
The icon of the Feast shows the Archangel with a staff in his left hand, indicating his role as a messenger. Sometimes one wing is upraised, as if to show his swift descent from heaven. His right hand is stretched toward the holy Virgin as he delivers his message.
The Virgin is depicted either standing or sitting, usually holding yarn in her left hand. Sometimes she is shown holding a scroll. Her right hand may be raised to indicate her surprise at the message she is hearing. Her head is bowed, showing her consent and obedience. The descent of the Holy Spirit upon her is depicted by a ray of light issuing from a small sphere at the top of the icon, which symbolizes heaven. In a famous icon from Sinai, a white dove is shown in the ray of light.
There are several famous icons of the Annunciation. One is in the Moscow Kremlin in the church of the Annunciation. This icon appeared in connection with the rescue of a prisoner by the Mother of God during the reign of Ivan the Terrible. Another is to be found in the Dormition Cathedral in Moscow (July 8). It was originally located in Ustiug, and was the icon before which Saint Procopius the fool (July 8) prayed to save the city from destruction in 1290. One of the most highly revered icons in Greece is the Tinos icon of the Annunciation (January 30).
The Annunciation falls during Lent, but it is always celebrated with great joy. The Liturgy of Saint Basil or Saint John Chrysostom is served, even on the weekdays of Lent. It is one of the two days of Great Lent on which the fast is relaxed and fish is permitted (Palm Sunday is the other).
Hebrew 9:11-14
The Heavenly Sanctuary
11 But Christ came as High Priest of the good things to come,[a] with the greater and more perfect tabernacle not made with hands, that is, not of this creation. 12 Not with the blood of goats and calves, but with His own blood He entered the Most Holy Place once for all, having obtained eternal redemption. 13 For if the blood of bulls and goats and the ashes of a heifer, sprinkling the unclean, sanctifies for the purifying of the flesh, 14 how much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without spot to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?
Mark 10:32-45
Jesus a Third Time Predicts His Death and Resurrection
32 Now they were on the road, going up to Jerusalem, and Jesus was going before them; and they were amazed. And as they followed they were afraid. Then He took the twelve aside again and began to tell them the things that would happen to Him: 33 âBehold, we are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be betrayed to the chief priests and to the scribes; and they will condemn Him to death and deliver Him to the Gentiles; 34 and they will mock Him, and scourge Him, and spit on Him, and kill Him. And the third day He will rise again.â
Greatness Is Serving
35 Then James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to Him, saying, âTeacher, we want You to do for us whatever we ask.â
36 And He said to them, âWhat do you want Me to do for you?â
37 They said to Him, âGrant us that we may sit, one on Your right hand and the other on Your left, in Your glory.â
38 But Jesus said to them, âYou do not know what you ask. Are you able to drink the cup that I drink, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with?â
39 They said to Him, âWe are able.â
So Jesus said to them, âYou will indeed drink the cup that I drink, and with the baptism I am baptized with you will be baptized; 40 but to sit on My right hand and on My left is not Mine to give, but it is for those for whom it is prepared.â
41 And when the ten heard it, they began to be greatly displeased with James and John. 42 But Jesus called them to Himself and said to them, âYou know that those who are considered rulers over the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. 43 Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. 44 And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all.45 For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.â
New King James Version Scripture taken from the New King James VersionŸ. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. All rights reserved.
Source OCA
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WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND April 19, 2019 Â - THE CURSE OF LA LLORONA, BREAKTHROUGH, PENGUINS
Yay! Another week where I havenât seen any of the new releases! This is what happens when studios offer a single press screening rather than a few options, I guess.
After a rather dismal weekend, this weekend sees the release of a mixed bag of movies that will wrap-up the winter/spring movie season before Avengers: Endgame comes along and just destroys everything else in theaters. This is also Easter weekend and with no schools and many being off work for Good Friday, weâll see a large bump with most movies being frontloaded for the weekend. (Easter Sunday is usually reserved for family meals, Easter egg hunts, etc, so not as much movie business.)
Beginning on Wednesday, we have two relatively family-friendly films in Fox 2000âs faith-based BREAKTHROUGH  (20thCentury Fox) and DisneyNatureâs PENGUINS  (Walt Disney Pictures), again, neither which Iâve seen. The first is a higher-profile faith-based drama thatâs being released in perfect timing with Easter, but unlike the movies of PureFlix, I feel that the marketing campaign could bring in a wider audience, especially with popular actors like Chrissy Metz, Topher Grace, Mike Colter and Dennis Haysbert.  Penguinsis another Disney nature doc, this one a cute story about a penguin named Steve, voiced by Ed Helms, and its G-rating will help make it a choice for family with young kids over the holiday weekend.
Then on Friday (or rather, Thursday night) comes the latest horror film from producer James Wan, THE CURSE OF LA LLORONA (New Line/WB), which looks like another solid scare-fest even if the reviews out of SXSW werenât as strong as the ones for Pet Sematary (which I still havenât seen!) and Us (which Iâve seen twice). Iâm definitely interested in checking it out, especially the work of director Michael Chaves, who has already been attached to direct the next Conjuring movie (although this one is not related).
Opening in 300 theaters Wednesday is the Bollywood release KALANK (FIP), directed by Abhishek Varman, a romantic drama about six characters looking for love in the town of Husnabad, North India.
Also opening fairly wide this weekend is Michael Berryâs adaptation of Riley Thomasâ stage musical Stuck (Eammon Films), starring Giancarlo Esposito, Amy Madigan, Omar Chaparroand Ashanti as four of six New York commuters stuck on a subway car, as they sing their stories to each other. Sounds more fun than what normally happens in New York when the subway car stops between stations.
Apparently, Bleecker Street plans on expanding Max Minghellaâs Teen Spirit, starring Elle Fanning, wider, although I donât have a theater count at this point in time, so Iâm not sure if itâs expanding enough to get into the top 10 or how many areas it will be in.
LIMITED RELEASES
My favorite movie of the weekend is Pamela Greenâs doc BE NATURAL: THE UNTOLD STORY OF ALICE GUY-BLACHĂ (Zeitgeist), which will open in L.A.  at the Laemmle Monica Film Center then move to NYC on April 26. If you donât know who Alice Guy-BlachĂ© is then you really need to see this movie, since she was such an important part of cinema history. She was there from the very gestation of cinema in France as the first female director who was making so many inroads into various filmmaking techniques while being mostly ignored by the men in the industry, including those who documented the history of cinema. This is an amazing film to see all of Ms. Guyâs accomplishments, while also being demeaned by a philandering husband who took credit for much of her accomplishments. I was also amazed to learn while watching this film that Fort Lee, New Jersey used to be the hub of cinema in the early 20thCentury before Guyâs husband and others moved to California and set up Hollywood, mainly to get away from paying fees to Tom Edison. This is an amazing doc that I recommend highly if you consider yourself a film buff on any level.
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Another great doc opening this week â New York on Weds and in L.A. Friday â is Penny Laneâs new one HAIL SATAN? (Magnolia), which explores the Satanic Temple and its leader Lucien Greaves, who have created a political movement around the ideas that church and state should be kept separate. They do this by raising funds to set-up statues of Baphomet on the same capital grounds where governments have set-up statues of the Ten Commandments. They also do this with a sense of humor that reminds me of The Yes Men, whose own pranks have been documented well in film. Either way, this movie is not what you might think i.e. itâs not a commercial for Satanism as in the type that sacrifices babies. Itâs just a group that uses the name of Satan to fight for religious freedom.
Gugu Mbatha-Raw plays a woman who goes on the run after her superpowers are discovered in Julia Hartâs FAST COLOR (Codeblack Films). This opens in select cities this week, and Iâve reviewed it over at The Beat.
It Follows director David Robert Mitchellâs new noir thriller UNDER THE SILVER LAKE (A24) seems to be getting dumped with a quick release in New York and L.A. on Friday before debuting for streaming on Amazon Monday.  I guess the mixed reviews it got at its premiere at Cannes last year didnât help matters.  It stars Andrew Garfield as 33-year-old Sam who discovers the mysterious Sarah (Riley Kough) in his apartment swimming pool, but when she vanishes, he goes looking through L.A. to find what happened to her. I havenât seen the movie yet, but itâs looking unlikely Iâll see it in theaters now.
Dame Judi Dench stars in Trevor Nunnâs RED JOAN (IFC Films), playing Joan Stanley, a widow living in retirement when the British Secret Service arrests her for giving classified information to the Soviets for decades. Based on a true story, it will open at the Landmark 57 and IFC Center in New York as well as other theaters and On Demand.
Tessa Thompson and Lilly James star in Nia DaCostaâs feature film directorial debut LITTLE WOODS (NEON), which premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival last year, at which DaCosta won the Nora Ephron award. Thompson plays Ollie, a North Dakota woman who was once arrested for smuggling prescription drugs across the border, something she gives up until her pregnant sister Deb (James) shows up needing $3,000 to save their family home. Iâm hoping to catch it again sometime this week, since I want to give it another chance.
Currently playing on DirecTV and opening in select theaters and On Demand Friday is Fred Wolfâs DRUNK PARENTS (Vertical Entertainment), starring Alec Baldwin and Salma Hayek. Semi-wealthy Frank and Nancy Teagarten are dropping their daughter off at college just before the repo man shows up at their door, so they do some drinking and hold a yard sale as to hide their deteriorating wealth.
Orange is the New Black star Taylor Schilling stars in Laura Steinelâs Family  (The Film Arcade) as career-focused Kate Stone, who is asked by her estranged brother to babysit her âtween niece Maddie, as one night turns into a week.
Prolific Korean auteur Hong Sang-sooâs new movie Grass  (Cinema Guild), will open at the Metrograph in New York. Itâs a rather talkie piece that involves a bunch of people talking to each other in a cafĂ© where a young woman (Kim Min-hee) eavesdrops and adds their characters to her story.  Iâm generally mixed on Hong Sang-soo, and this one seems a bit more artsy with less of a narrative, but I assume diehard fans will enjoy it.
Wanuri Kahuiâs Kenyan coming-of-age drama Rafiki (Film Movement), the first Kenyan film to show at Cannes, will open at BAM on Friday. It follows the journey of Kena and Ziki, two young woman whose fathers are rival political candidates but who have formed a bond of friendship.
Just in time for 4/20 comes Robert Ryanâs doc Breaking Habits (Good Deed Entertainment) about Christine Meeusenâs decision to leave her cheating husband of 17 years with her three kids, reinventing herself as Sister Kate and setting up a cannabis farming business that would become the Sisters of the Valley medicinal marijuana empire.
Also, a reminder that Terry Gilliamâs The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, starring Adam Driver and Jonathan Pryce, is supposed to get a limited release this weekend after its Fathom Events âone night only,â although I have no idea of number of theaters or locations or anything.
LOCAL FESTIVALS
As with every weekend, thereâs a lot going on, and in New York, up at the Film Society of Lincoln Center, theyâre kicking off this yearâs ART OF THE REALÂ on Thursday and running through April 28. The Opening Night film is Frank Beauvaisâ Just Donât Think Iâll Scream, compiling the thoughts and revelations of the filmmaker. I havenât been able to get to any of the press screenings, but it usually has an interesting and diverse line-up which you can read more about at the link.
REPERTORY
METROGRAPH (NYC):
Fans of Brazilian cinema will want to check out some of the Metrographâs new series about Brazilian filmmaker Nelson Pereira dos Santos, which runs from Friday through April 28. The movies range from his groundbreaking 1955 doc Rio, 40Âș to 2011âs The Music According to Tom Jobim with nine films, few of which have received distribution in North America. This weekâs Late Nites at Metrographinclude Sion Sonoâs Anti-Porno and Bertrando Bonelloâs 2011 film LâAppollonide (House of Tolerance), neither which Iâve seen, but the weekendâs  Playtime: Family Matineesis Disneyâs The Love Bug, one of my absolute favorite films from childhood.
THE NEW BEVERLY Â (L.A.):
Besides showing Henri-Georges Clouzetâs murder-mystery Quai Des Orfevres on Wednesday afternoon, Tarantinoâs rep theater is showing double features of Hitchcockâs Family Plot  (1976) and the thriller Black Sunday  (1977) on Weds. and Thurs, the classic Jack Lemmon-Walter Matthau The Odd Couple (1968) and Robert Redford/Jane Fondaâs Barefoot in the Park (1967) on Friday, then Cheech and Chongâs Next Movie (1980) and Ice Cubeâs Friday (1995) on Saturday. This weekendâs KIDDEE MATINEE is a surprisingly recent movie in Universalâs Hop â cause itâs Easter weekend, get it? â and the midnight movies are The Hateful Eight on Friday night and the 1981 John Belushi-Dan Aykroyd movie Neighbors on Saturday. Sunday and Monday are double features of Only When I Laugh (1981) and I Oughtta Be in Pictures (1982). Monday afternoon is a screening of Martin Scorseseâs 1999 film Bringing Out the Dead, starring Nicolas Cage and Patricia Arquette.
FILM FORUM (NYC):
One of the repertory series Iâm most excited about since first hearing about it is the Film Forumâs latest series âTrilogies,â which this weekend will show all three of Francis Ford Coppolaâs The Godfather trilogy, and Sergio Leoneâs Western trilogy with Clint Eastwood: A Fistful of Dollars (1964), For a Few Dollars More (1966) and The Good, The Bad and the Ugly (1966). This weekend is also the start of Masaki Kobayashiâs The Human Condition, while Monday is a trilogy of films by Jacques Beckere called his âParis Youth Trilogy,â including Antoine and Antoinette.  Sadly, they donât seem to be showing Edgar Wrightâs Three Cornetto Trilogy as part of the series. :( This weekendâs Film Forum Jr. is the 1985 crime-comedy Clue, based on the board game.
EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):
Word came out last week that Netflix is looking to buy the Egyptian, so hope they retain the repertory programming. Thursday is the new restoration of Bjorkâs 1990 movie The Juniper Tree, Friday night there is a Brian Yuzna double feature of Society and Bride of Re-Animator, both from 1989 with Yuzna in attendance. Saturday sees a TRIPLE feature of Sam Raimiâs Army of Darkness (1992), Waxwork  (1988) and Fulciâs The Beyond (1985), all in 35mm!
AERO Â (LA):
The Aeroâs âClassic Movie Clownsâ series begins Thursday with a Harold Lloyd-Buster Keaton double feature of Safety Last! (1923) and The Navigator (1924), Charlie Chaplinâs The Great Dictator (1940) plays on Friday, as well as a series of Silent Comedy Shorts (with live music!) on Saturday, as well as Laurel and Hardyâs Sons of the Desert (1933) along with their shorts Brats and Helpmates. Easter Sunday sees a collection of Bugs Bunny and Friends animated shorts and a double feature of Richard Kellyâs Donnie Darko (2001) and Sam Raimiâs The Evil Dead  (1981).
IFC CENTER (NYC)
The IFC Center started its spring series last weekend, but I received the info too late to include. This weekendâs Waverly Midnights: ParentalGuidance is Hitchcockâs Psycho, while the Weekend Classics: LoveMom and Dad is Terms of Endearment and Late Night Favorites: Springis David Fincherâs Fight Club.
MOMA (NYC):
Modern Matinees: B is for Bacall this week shows the 1947 film Dark Passage on Weds, Howard Hawkâs To Have and Have Not  (1944) Thurs, and The Big Sleep  (1946) on Friday. Also the What Price Hollywood series continues with Clarence Brownâs 1931 film A Free Soul and Josef von Sternbergâs 1934 film The Scarlet Empress on Weds, the 1939 film Midnight and 1935âs Sylvia Scarlett on Thursday and more. Theyâre also showing Franco Rossoâs Babylonover the weekend.
MUSEUM OF THE MOVING IMAGE (NYC):
This weekâs series is See it Big! Action with screenings of Raiders of the Lost Ark, Seven Samurai, Anne of the Indiesand The Adventures of Robin Hood. On Good Friday, the family program is the animated Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit.
QUAD CINEMA (NYC):
The Quad continues its Wild Things: The Ferocious Films of Nelly Kaplan this weekend with Charles and Lucie, Néa, The Pleasure of Love and more.
BAM CINEMATEKÂ (NYC):
Thursday ends the The Anarchic Cinema of VÄra ChytilovĂĄseries of the Czech film star.
LANDMARK THEATRES NUART Â (LA):
This Fridayâs midnight offering is Panos Costamosâ too recent to be repertory Mandy, starring Nicolas Cage.
STREAMING AND CABLE
Streaming on Netflix this week is Jennifer Kaytin Robinsonâs SOMEONE GREAT, starring Jane the Virginâs Gina Rodriguez as an aspiring music journalst trying to get her dream job at a magazine, even though that would mean moving to San Francisco. Her boyfriend of nine years (Lakeith Stanfield) decides to break up so she and her two best friends (DeWanda Wise, Brittany Snow) decide to go out for one last adventure in New York City.
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23 Doubts About Minimalist Interiors You Should Clarify | minimalist interiors
These stand-out homes accept been alleged amid the best in the country, and it is all because they action article appropriate aback it comes to their use of materials.Â
33 Teatro Ramos CarriĂłn Francisco Ferriol. Amp. J GonzĂĄlez, J. Morales y J.M. Romero 21997 â minimalist interiors | minimalist interiors
Whether it is a seashell aisle or a home clad in a copse that is about absurd to assignment through, anniversary of these backdrop has been shortlisted for the Royal British Institute of Architectâs Abode of the Year for their abnormal access to raw materials.Â
The homes beyond the UK are showcased in tonightâs episode of Channel 4âs Grand Designs: Abode of the Year and accomplish up the final shortlist class of this yearâs competition.Â
Presenter Kevin McCloud and the console of board attending at amazing examples including an ultra-modern Arts and Crafts abode in Berkshire, which stands out for its anxiously placed balk panels and absolute brickwork.
Elsewhere the aggregation appointment a minimalist home in Belfast, whose asperous Scottish Larch cladding earns it comparisons to a liveable afford â abundant to the contentment of its owner.Â
In east London, there is a four-storey acreage whose owners capital to advertise every accompany and action abaft the build. Â
Scroll bottomward for a attending central the latest crop of contenders for the 2018 Abode of the Year title, advanced of the all-embracing champ actuality announced.Â
BERKSHIRE HOUSEÂ
Ultra-modern country home: The Berkshire House, in Berkshire, is a beauteous aggregate of anxiously placed bricks, balk cladding an amazing floor-to-ceiling windows that flood the acreage with lightÂ
Minimalist living: The Berkshire Abode appearance huge bottle doors in the centermost of the abode that brings ablaze central to the minimalist appearance dining room, which is busy with apparent blah artery (pictured). The abode was congenital on acreage endemic by Garyâs parents and the brace agape bottomward the ancestors home to body their dream property
Surrounded by acceptable homes in the Berkshire countryside is the ultra avant-garde Berkshire House.
All of their lives owners Gary and Sam dreamed of one day owning a categorical and avant-garde home and spent three years architectonics their dream property.
âThe dream was to accept a actual avant-garde actual minimalistic home,â Sam said.Â
The home was congenital on acreage endemic by Garyâs parents on which the ancestors home already stood, but was agape bottomward to accomplish way for the new building.Â
Bringing the alfresco in: The active allowance has the aforementioned ample bottle windows that lets the ancestors relax while activity like they are still alfresco in the ample garden (pictured). The houseâs interiors are fabricated up of adequate aloof tones, minimalistic appliance and apparent brickwork
Minimalist Luxury From Asia: 3 Stunning Homes By Free Interior â minimalist interiors | minimalist interiors
Careful planning: The building, which sits in the average of added acceptable homes, has been clad in 2,000 balk panels (pictured), which are all absolutely 75mm advanced with a 15mm gap in amid them. The panels advance presenter Kevin McCleod to call the acreage as an âarts and craftsâ house
The best arresting affection of the acreage are the Swiss-made six accent alpine sliding doors in the centre of the home, which counterbalance bisected a tonne anniversary and had to be aerial in by crane.
Described by McCloud as an âarts and craftsâ house, the accomplished architectonics has been clad in 2,000 balk panels, which are all exactly 75mm advanced with a 15mm gap in amid them.
Inside are bristles bedrooms, a active breadth and a categorical kitchen with abstruse cupboards ambuscade toilets, a bar and a affable area. The interiors are fabricated up of aloof tones, minimalistic appliance and apparent brickwork that has been placed in altogether beeline lines.
The bulk of the architectonics wasnât revealed, but itwon aerial acclaim from RBIA judges, who alleged it a âpristine and bright exemplarâ of avant-garde housing.Â
NUMBER 37Â
Creative solution: In Belfast, Northern Ireland, stands the Number 37 abode (pictured), which carefully resembles two atramentous sheds rather than a home for a couple. It bulk aloof 12 months and ÂŁ100,000 to architectonics and body the house
When their accouchement larboard home, Grainne and Alistair Cumming capital to âdownsize and declutterâ and absitively to actualize a baby active amplitude in Belfast, Northern Ireland, in actuality it is the aboriginal abode on the shortlist.
The Number 37 house, which took 12 months and aloof ÂŁ100,000 to build, resembles a atramentous afford and has diminished aggregate the brace charge to accord them aloof the appropriate bulk of appliance and active space.
Under the larboard roof is a baby active allowance and kitchen with aloof one worktop for aliment alertness and a âminusculeâ sink. Under the appropriate roof is a bath and bedroom, while accession bedchamber sits on a balustrade overlooking the accomplished space.
The architectonics is clad in Scottish Larch, which is about absurd to assignment through so the brace had to import fixings from Austria, abnormally advised to go through this affectionate of close adhering wood.Â
Stripping back: Owners Grainne and Alistair Cumming capital to âdownsize and declutterâ afterwards their accouchement larboard home and their new abode is about demography up as beneath amplitude as possible, demography alone what they need. Their kitchen (pictured) has aloof one worktop for aliment alertness and a âminusculeâ sink
Less is more: The owners acclimated abstracts as allotment of their decor, including their dining table (pictured) which is fabricated of bald plywood. The exoteric of the houses uses rainwater pipes as adornment and there is annihilation in the garden but case ordered from Gumtree for ÂŁ70, which they put bottomward themselves
Materials became allotment of the artwork in the house, with bald plywood acclimated as a dining allowance table and rainwater pipes acclimated as adornment on the exterior.
Granada | Cathedral Interior | Floor IMG_2462 â minimalist interiors | minimalist interiors
The garden is acutely bald with case on the floor, which the brace ordered for ÂŁ70 from Gumtree and put bottomward themselves.Â
And Grainne is blessed with the comparisons to a shed, explaining: âI adulation sheds I adulation barrio fabricated of wood, I anticipate everybody does. If that looks like a afford Iâm blessed with that.âÂ
RBIA board accepted the houseâs individuality, anecdotic it as âplayfulâ and a âjoyâ to attending at.Â
THE MAKERSâ HOUSEÂ
Attention to detail: The Makersâ Abode (pictured) in East London is a arresting accession to the acceptable architectonics in the burghal street. The absolute abode is busy with arbitrary pieces, such as apparent animate supports (pictured alfresco the advanced door) and bald board doors and fixtures
On display: Buyer David Liddicoat, who advised the abode with his wife Sophie, said they capital visitors to be able to see the assignment that went into the abode by seeing the joists and accessories on affectation wherever they turn. Pictured: The propertyâs kitchen, dining breadth and garden
Making a account in a artery of acceptable houses in Londonâs east end is the Makersâ House, whose designers revelled in assuming off all the capacity of their adamantine work.
The acreage has apparent joists, bald animate abutment poles and flashes of plywood in the brick work, and took builders 10 hour canicule on armpit and four years in absolute to complete.
Owner David Liddicoat, who advised the abode with his wife Sophie, explained: âWe capital you to be able to attending at any accustomed allotment and realise how it was made. You can see every action and every bit of assignment thatâs gone into it.â
The arbitrary abode is set over four floors, with a split level kitchen and active allowance on the lower arena level, two bedrooms with en suites on the aboriginal attic and two added bed on additional floor. There is additionally a cinema allowance in basement.
Resourceful: RBIA board accepted the houseâs praised the houseâs âvery aerial akin of inventivenessâ in both its architectonics and decor. The abode is adapted with huge windows to accompany in accustomed ablaze into the home. Pictured: One of the four bedrooms in the acreage with recycled attic from a bus depot
Moving on: The brace accept aback confused out of the abode afterwards affable their additional adolescent and it awash for ÂŁ782,000 beforehand this year. Pictured: The dining breadth with the coupleâs artworks on affectation and a glimpse of the applique acclimated to assure visitors from falling bottomward the stairs (left)
From the seashells alive as alluvium in the advanced garden to a adaptable net endlessly visitors from falling bottomward the stairs, the abode is abounding of different architectonics details.
The Rhodesian-mahogany attic was recycled from an old bus annex and the brace had abolish old cement stains from 40,000 pieces by hand.
â minimalist interiors | minimalist interiors
The bedmate and wife duo absitively the abode was too baby for them aback they had their additional adolescent and afterwards aloof six weeks on the bazaar it awash for £782,000 beforehand this year.Â
RIBA board accepted the houseâs âvery aerial akin of inventivenessâ and accepted the way the apparent joists and constituent formed together.
OATLANDSÂ
Growing out: Oatlands (pictured) in burghal Surrey has an ultra-modern addendum to the rear that contains a new kitchen, active area, alfresco basement breadth and an alien art flat for mural designer and buyer Rosie to assignment in while accepting a abounding appearance of her own garden
Old and new: Rosie and her bedmate Barry werenât able to get planning permission to change the advanced of their compatible abode and so absitively to accomplish the aback of their home modern. Pictured: The coupleâs glassy new kitchen that through its huge bottle doors gives angle of their garden outside
Tucked abroad in burghal Surrey is Oatlands, which hides an ultra-modern rear addendum that makes it angle out from all the added 1930s red artery houses.
The extension, of which the account wasnât revealed, has been done in a minimalist appearance with anemic brick and attic to beam bottle doors, and houses a new kitchen, active allowance as able-bodied as a abstracted flat space.
Thanks to the bottle surrounds sitting appropriate in the average of the gardenâs vegetation, the addendum feels like it is at one with the attributes about it.
Family living: RBIA board alleged the addendum âdelightfulâ and said the activity âdemonstrates a aerial affection and able resourcefulnessâ. Pictured: The familyâs dogs relax in their new active allowance area, which has been busy with aloof colours and minimalistic furnishings
Before the build: The coupleâs abode looked like any added in their artery afore the addendum (pictured), but they absitively to accomplish their home different with an ultra-modern twits at the rearÂ
Rosie, who owns the abode with her bedmate Barry and uses the flat in her assignment as a mural designer, said: âItâs a admirable amplitude to assignment in, itâs got angle appropriate assimilate the garden and it reflects the architectonics of the buildings.â
The brace werenât able to get planning permission to change the advanced of their compatible abode and so absitively to accomplish the aback of their home modern.
RBIA board alleged the addendum âdelightfulâ and said the activity âdemonstrates a aerial affection and able resourcefulnessâ. Â
Grand Designs: Abode of the Year affectedness tonight at 8pm on Channel 4
Design.nu2: home design with minimalist interior design â minimalist interiors | minimalist interiors
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TGIWednesday and prolaiming YOUR independence!
TGIWednesday News
TODAY JULY 4th at 3pm EDT Jimmy will be co-hosting on the Spiritual Insights Show with Charlotte Spicer. Call in LIVE and get a free reading (347) 934-0751    Listen here online Hey hey, the early reviews are coming in for the super special new audio MP3 being released next Wed. July 11th- MyBeliefworks⹠Daily GPS Reset - Fishing the Files. "I definitely feel a sense of peace listening to these meditations. This is very comprehensive and covers all of the different aspects of one's day and the issues for each part of the day which need "reprogrammed." I appreciated the additional emergency portion because it was very comforting. It felt like a cosmic hug! After finishing, I just knew everything was going to be alright. Another great program. Much gratitude." - K.M. "OMG I love this and I have only done the morning routine! Anna is asking me to email this to her! It is AMAZING! I feel so good already.' My liquid Fish GPS reset is an amazing miracle in my life. It has helped me through a very traumatic event in my life and within the first day of hear I feel profoundly better. Jimmy is a miracle worker and the GPS download is by far the best download that I have ever used. I felt the changes taking place instantly!" - A.P. / Florida Want to know how YOU could have gotten this new audio mp3 for FREE? Click here.
TGIWednesday Download
~ PROCLAIMING YOUR INDEPENDENCE ~ It is safe and comfortable for me to be my own being and under my own spiritual connection. I am ready, willing and able to be the best and highest spiritual being possible in this and any other lifetime thus far. I am being shown, when, where, how and why it is safe and comfortable to be myself, and to be independent without having to be co dependent on others. I can be alone without feeling lonely and every day in every way my life improves. I am asking in all languages and across all timelines and so it is! Â
Live Shows and Replays
THE JIMMY MACK HEALING SHOW
Every Tuesday at 12pm ET Call in LIVE (713) 955-0594 (*New time starting July 31st - Tuesdays at 9pm ET/ 6pm PT) Â
Imagine getting FREE intuitive messages and healings LIVE! Well, it happens every week on my radio show with some of the best psychic readers & intuitive healers on the planet! Tune in weekly for the FREE live show or replay and YOU will receive changes & healings just by listening! To listen online, click the date links below. Listen to Yesterday's Replay - MORRIGHAN LYNNE is a renowned Spiritual Medium, Psychic Empath, Clairvoyant, Intuitive Coach, Ordained Minister, Paranormal Investigator, and published Author.  JULY 10th DANIEL THE HEALER Healer/Metaphysician/Spiritual Elder extraordinare, radio show host Living In Bliss www.danielthehealer.com  JULY 17th REV DR KIMBERLY MAROONEY Intuitive Readings and Angelologist http://kimberlymarooney.com/angel-blessings  JULY 24th KELLY M BALLARD 4th Generation Medium and Intuitive Reader http://www.reflectiveharmony.com  JULY 31st REV. DEBBIE DIENSTBIER, our in residence Transmedium Communications with your loved oneâs in heaven Important time change 9pm ET
 Browse the interview archives here.
Live In-Person Appearances
LIVE SESSIONS AT SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH July 30th from 10am to 5pm I will be seeing clients at my good friend Charla Temponeâs office at Swann Holistic Health Center in Tampa. Please call their office directly in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes 33$âs 30-minutes 65$ - and yes it will sell out! 39 A DAVIS BLVD. TAMPA, FL 33606 (813) 873-7773 LIVE AT KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS TAMPA
BOTH Wed & Fri 10am - 2pm! Tampa Bay area locals can book a live session with me EVERY WEDNESDAY & FRIDAY from 10-2PM Call Kodawari's front desk directly to schedule (813) 773-4017Â and pay at the concierge desk... 15 minutes 33$ or 30 minutes 65$. UPCOMING SCHEDULE 10-2pm: Wednesday: July 11th, 18th, 25th Friday: July 6th, 13th, 20th, 27th
3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa (813) 773-4017 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/
Fish FoodÂ
The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish
Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations Â
July 4th - "Today I will accept that which I cannot change and do the best that I can with all people, places, and things. I will endeavor to make the effort. Pass or fail, good or bad, I will remain judgment free and in the present. I will celebrate my independence from the food chain of life and revel in the fact that I can make a difference." Buy the book and read all 365 Days
From the Fish Box
"Jerry and I are very grateful for your session! Thank you so very much for all your kindness, Magic and heartwarming love! He is starting his new job at the Melbourne campus in two weeks. He will live in a tent at the camping on the base not far from there before we will figure out what we can get approved for financing to have a property or boat to live in for him and us to visit. Salary is a lot less then he made here, but he is very excited and looking for extra classes to teach online or other schools in FL as part time. Meanwhile for my business it is season here and I'm hoping to help budget as well. Thank you again my beautiful friend, May Universe to fill you with blessings. Enjoy your holiday weekend! Much love." - E.J. / Florida
Receive 24/7 Daily Prayers From Jimmy
Got a job interview next week? Going to court? Trying to get a mortgage? Surgery scheduled for you or a loved one? These are just some of the life at the crossroads events that are ideal for My Daily Prayer program. I am doing the heavy lifting for you around 3AM while youâre asleep in order to smooth out your way. YES! My Liquid FishÂź Change made simpleÂź works on legal issues too! Even the nightmares of family court/child custody/divorce cases!!! I will dial into you daily in the wee hours and make certain that you are a CLEAR YES,UNCLEAR to NO and RUNNING FORWARD before you start your day. You will send me a list of the members of your immediate household, and yes even pets, and I will add them to my daily prayers. I will arise daily before you are even awake to start my prayers and also run my intelligent computer software 24/7 deleting the negative and increasing the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of outcomes for you and the family. Â
CHOOSE ONE OF THE OPTIONS BELOW:
           Choose 7 days@ $33      Choose 14 days @$66    Choose 30 days @$99
Each comes with a one-time email analysis print out via the intelligent healing software that I use on your behalf. Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes and I get emails like this one each and every week!
"Hi Jimmy, Many thanks for your prayer support, it was most effective! I am considering taking the Level 1 Fish certification, and learning more about this great technique. It would help greatly in my Shiatsu/massage practice and personal life. Expect to hear from me soon. Bright blessings," - Ariel Â
MLF Certification Mastery Course
Level I is OPEN FOR ANYONE to join at any time! Certificate of Mastery Program for My Liquid FishÂź Change made simpleÂź Â
This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It's a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH you AND CLEAR you at the same time! You'll also be working with me personally over the phone as a part of your final Mastery Certification test.
LEARN MORE HERE
Certified MLF Practitioner Course
Also, the Level II Practitioner's Course includes the Advanced teachings and nuances plus the exclusively written "The Practitioner's Handbook" which is dedicated to those who practice in the healing arts; Psychics, Healers, NP, AP, DOM, DO, MD, DC, Massage Therapists, Physical Therapists, RNs, Nurse Practitioners, PhDs, and Physician Assistants or currently practicing another modality, technique or method that includes natural healing in your home office or office setting, phone and or Skype and is ONLY available in the Practitioner's Certification Program.
This book outlines some of the inner workings of how I handle my own practice including topics like; managing unrealistic expectations, having patience, pricing, time isn't always equal to outcomes or results, having limits, legal and ethical questions, advice on supplements, marketing, promotion, and sales, daily rituals for you and your clients/patients.
LEARN MORE HERE
My Liquid FishÂź Jewelry and Art
Check out this brand new "energy art" from artist Julia Watkins featuring My Liquid FishÂź! Learn more about purchasing a stunning pendant or a print of this original art piece (pictured here) which can literally be called an "energy portal". Â I believe you will find these pieces to be gorgeous keepsakes and each is empowered with the energy of My Liquid FishÂź Change made simpleÂź Â
Created by world renowned Energy Artist Julia Watkins Watch this short 6-min video presentation all about it! https://vimeo.com/248516531
PURCHASE HERE
TGIFunny
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Jimmy Mack 727.678.0557â EST | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session â ââTransformational Healing of Body, Mindâ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!â â Download the My Liquid FishÂź Starter Kit Audio MP3 Downloadsâ and booksâ to improve your life! Get Certified in âMy Liquid FishÂź Change Made SimpleÂź Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for âSupplements â http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyrighted ©1998-2018 All Rights Reserved Â
-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger | Digital Marketing Specialist | SMBeConnected Solutions Digital Marketing Solutions & Support for Conscious Entrepreneurs www.smbeconnected.com Â
Stay connected!
 Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA Â
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Text
TGIWednesday and prolaiming YOUR independence!
TGIWednesday News
TODAY JULY 4th at 3pm EDT Jimmy will be co-hosting on the Spiritual Insights Show with Charlotte Spicer. Call in LIVE and get a free reading (347) 934-0751    Listen here online Hey hey, the early reviews are coming in for the super special new audio MP3 being released next Wed. July 11th- MyBeliefworks⹠Daily GPS Reset - Fishing the Files. "I definitely feel a sense of peace listening to these meditations. This is very comprehensive and covers all of the different aspects of one's day and the issues for each part of the day which need "reprogrammed." I appreciated the additional emergency portion because it was very comforting. It felt like a cosmic hug! After finishing, I just knew everything was going to be alright. Another great program. Much gratitude." - K.M. "OMG I love this and I have only done the morning routine! Anna is asking me to email this to her! It is AMAZING! I feel so good already.' My liquid Fish GPS reset is an amazing miracle in my life. It has helped me through a very traumatic event in my life and within the first day of hear I feel profoundly better. Jimmy is a miracle worker and the GPS download is by far the best download that I have ever used. I felt the changes taking place instantly!" - A.P. / Florida Want to know how YOU could have gotten this new audio mp3 for FREE? Click here.
TGIWednesday Download
~ PROCLAIMING YOUR INDEPENDENCE ~ It is safe and comfortable for me to be my own being and under my own spiritual connection. I am ready, willing and able to be the best and highest spiritual being possible in this and any other lifetime thus far. I am being shown, when, where, how and why it is safe and comfortable to be myself, and to be independent without having to be co dependent on others. I can be alone without feeling lonely and every day in every way my life improves. I am asking in all languages and across all timelines and so it is! Â
Live Shows and Replays
THE JIMMY MACK HEALING SHOW
Every Tuesday at 12pm ET Call in LIVE (713) 955-0594 (*New time starting July 31st - Tuesdays at 9pm ET/ 6pm PT) Â
Imagine getting FREE intuitive messages and healings LIVE! Well, it happens every week on my radio show with some of the best psychic readers & intuitive healers on the planet! Tune in weekly for the FREE live show or replay and YOU will receive changes & healings just by listening! To listen online, click the date links below. Listen to Yesterday's Replay - MORRIGHAN LYNNE is a renowned Spiritual Medium, Psychic Empath, Clairvoyant, Intuitive Coach, Ordained Minister, Paranormal Investigator, and published Author.  JULY 10th DANIEL THE HEALER Healer/Metaphysician/Spiritual Elder extraordinare, radio show host Living In Bliss www.danielthehealer.com  JULY 17th REV DR KIMBERLY MAROONEY Intuitive Readings and Angelologist http://kimberlymarooney.com/angel-blessings  JULY 24th KELLY M BALLARD 4th Generation Medium and Intuitive Reader http://www.reflectiveharmony.com  JULY 31st REV. DEBBIE DIENSTBIER, our in residence Transmedium Communications with your loved oneâs in heaven Important time change 9pm ET
 Browse the interview archives here.
Live In-Person Appearances
LIVE SESSIONS AT SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH July 30th from 10am to 5pm I will be seeing clients at my good friend Charla Temponeâs office at Swann Holistic Health Center in Tampa. Please call their office directly in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes 33$âs 30-minutes 65$ - and yes it will sell out! 39 A DAVIS BLVD. TAMPA, FL 33606 (813) 873-7773 LIVE AT KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS TAMPA
BOTH Wed & Fri 10am - 2pm! Tampa Bay area locals can book a live session with me EVERY WEDNESDAY & FRIDAY from 10-2PM Call Kodawari's front desk directly to schedule (813) 773-4017Â and pay at the concierge desk... 15 minutes 33$ or 30 minutes 65$. UPCOMING SCHEDULE 10-2pm: Wednesday: July 11th, 18th, 25th Friday: July 6th, 13th, 20th, 27th
3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa (813) 773-4017 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/
Fish FoodÂ
The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish
Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations Â
July 4th - "Today I will accept that which I cannot change and do the best that I can with all people, places, and things. I will endeavor to make the effort. Pass or fail, good or bad, I will remain judgment free and in the present. I will celebrate my independence from the food chain of life and revel in the fact that I can make a difference." Buy the book and read all 365 Days
From the Fish Box
"Jerry and I are very grateful for your session! Thank you so very much for all your kindness, Magic and heartwarming love! He is starting his new job at the Melbourne campus in two weeks. He will live in a tent at the camping on the base not far from there before we will figure out what we can get approved for financing to have a property or boat to live in for him and us to visit. Salary is a lot less then he made here, but he is very excited and looking for extra classes to teach online or other schools in FL as part time. Meanwhile for my business it is season here and I'm hoping to help budget as well. Thank you again my beautiful friend, May Universe to fill you with blessings. Enjoy your holiday weekend! Much love." - E.J. / Florida
Receive 24/7 Daily Prayers From Jimmy
Got a job interview next week? Going to court? Trying to get a mortgage? Surgery scheduled for you or a loved one? These are just some of the life at the crossroads events that are ideal for My Daily Prayer program. I am doing the heavy lifting for you around 3AM while youâre asleep in order to smooth out your way. YES! My Liquid FishÂź Change made simpleÂź works on legal issues too! Even the nightmares of family court/child custody/divorce cases!!! I will dial into you daily in the wee hours and make certain that you are a CLEAR YES,UNCLEAR to NO and RUNNING FORWARD before you start your day. You will send me a list of the members of your immediate household, and yes even pets, and I will add them to my daily prayers. I will arise daily before you are even awake to start my prayers and also run my intelligent computer software 24/7 deleting the negative and increasing the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of outcomes for you and the family. Â
CHOOSE ONE OF THE OPTIONS BELOW:
           Choose 7 days@ $33      Choose 14 days @$66    Choose 30 days @$99
Each comes with a one-time email analysis print out via the intelligent healing software that I use on your behalf. Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes and I get emails like this one each and every week!
"Hi Jimmy, Many thanks for your prayer support, it was most effective! I am considering taking the Level 1 Fish certification, and learning more about this great technique. It would help greatly in my Shiatsu/massage practice and personal life. Expect to hear from me soon. Bright blessings," - Ariel Â
MLF Certification Mastery Course
Level I is OPEN FOR ANYONE to join at any time! Certificate of Mastery Program for My Liquid FishÂź Change made simpleÂź Â
This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It's a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH you AND CLEAR you at the same time! You'll also be working with me personally over the phone as a part of your final Mastery Certification test.
LEARN MORE HERE
Certified MLF Practitioner Course
Also, the Level II Practitioner's Course includes the Advanced teachings and nuances plus the exclusively written "The Practitioner's Handbook" which is dedicated to those who practice in the healing arts; Psychics, Healers, NP, AP, DOM, DO, MD, DC, Massage Therapists, Physical Therapists, RNs, Nurse Practitioners, PhDs, and Physician Assistants or currently practicing another modality, technique or method that includes natural healing in your home office or office setting, phone and or Skype and is ONLY available in the Practitioner's Certification Program.
This book outlines some of the inner workings of how I handle my own practice including topics like; managing unrealistic expectations, having patience, pricing, time isn't always equal to outcomes or results, having limits, legal and ethical questions, advice on supplements, marketing, promotion, and sales, daily rituals for you and your clients/patients.
LEARN MORE HERE
My Liquid FishÂź Jewelry and Art
Check out this brand new "energy art" from artist Julia Watkins featuring My Liquid FishÂź! Learn more about purchasing a stunning pendant or a print of this original art piece (pictured here) which can literally be called an "energy portal". Â I believe you will find these pieces to be gorgeous keepsakes and each is empowered with the energy of My Liquid FishÂź Change made simpleÂź Â
Created by world renowned Energy Artist Julia Watkins Watch this short 6-min video presentation all about it! https://vimeo.com/248516531
PURCHASE HERE
TGIFunny
Share
Tweet
Forward
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Jimmy Mack 727.678.0557â EST | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session â ââTransformational Healing of Body, Mindâ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!â â Download the My Liquid FishÂź Starter Kit Audio MP3 Downloadsâ and booksâ to improve your life! Get Certified in âMy Liquid FishÂź Change Made SimpleÂź Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for âSupplements â http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyrighted ©1998-2018 All Rights Reserved Â
-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger | Digital Marketing Specialist | SMBeConnected Solutions Digital Marketing Solutions & Support for Conscious Entrepreneurs www.smbeconnected.com Â
Stay connected!
 Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA Â
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TGIWednesday and prolaiming YOUR independence!
TGIWednesday News
TODAY JULY 4th at 3pm EDT Jimmy will be co-hosting on the Spiritual Insights Show with Charlotte Spicer. Call in LIVE and get a free reading (347) 934-0751    Listen here online Hey hey, the early reviews are coming in for the super special new audio MP3 being released next Wed. July 11th- MyBeliefworks⹠Daily GPS Reset - Fishing the Files. "I definitely feel a sense of peace listening to these meditations. This is very comprehensive and covers all of the different aspects of one's day and the issues for each part of the day which need "reprogrammed." I appreciated the additional emergency portion because it was very comforting. It felt like a cosmic hug! After finishing, I just knew everything was going to be alright. Another great program. Much gratitude." - K.M. "OMG I love this and I have only done the morning routine! Anna is asking me to email this to her! It is AMAZING! I feel so good already.' My liquid Fish GPS reset is an amazing miracle in my life. It has helped me through a very traumatic event in my life and within the first day of hear I feel profoundly better. Jimmy is a miracle worker and the GPS download is by far the best download that I have ever used. I felt the changes taking place instantly!" - A.P. / Florida Want to know how YOU could have gotten this new audio mp3 for FREE? Click here.
TGIWednesday Download
~ PROCLAIMING YOUR INDEPENDENCE ~ It is safe and comfortable for me to be my own being and under my own spiritual connection. I am ready, willing and able to be the best and highest spiritual being possible in this and any other lifetime thus far. I am being shown, when, where, how and why it is safe and comfortable to be myself, and to be independent without having to be co dependent on others. I can be alone without feeling lonely and every day in every way my life improves. I am asking in all languages and across all timelines and so it is! Â
Live Shows and Replays
THE JIMMY MACK HEALING SHOW
Every Tuesday at 12pm ET Call in LIVE (713) 955-0594 (*New time starting July 31st - Tuesdays at 9pm ET/ 6pm PT) Â
Imagine getting FREE intuitive messages and healings LIVE! Well, it happens every week on my radio show with some of the best psychic readers & intuitive healers on the planet! Tune in weekly for the FREE live show or replay and YOU will receive changes & healings just by listening! To listen online, click the date links below. Listen to Yesterday's Replay - MORRIGHAN LYNNE is a renowned Spiritual Medium, Psychic Empath, Clairvoyant, Intuitive Coach, Ordained Minister, Paranormal Investigator, and published Author.  JULY 10th DANIEL THE HEALER Healer/Metaphysician/Spiritual Elder extraordinare, radio show host Living In Bliss www.danielthehealer.com  JULY 17th REV DR KIMBERLY MAROONEY Intuitive Readings and Angelologist http://kimberlymarooney.com/angel-blessings  JULY 24th KELLY M BALLARD 4th Generation Medium and Intuitive Reader http://www.reflectiveharmony.com  JULY 31st REV. DEBBIE DIENSTBIER, our in residence Transmedium Communications with your loved oneâs in heaven Important time change 9pm ET
 Browse the interview archives here.
Live In-Person Appearances
LIVE SESSIONS AT SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH July 30th from 10am to 5pm I will be seeing clients at my good friend Charla Temponeâs office at Swann Holistic Health Center in Tampa. Please call their office directly in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes 33$âs 30-minutes 65$ - and yes it will sell out! 39 A DAVIS BLVD. TAMPA, FL 33606 (813) 873-7773 LIVE AT KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS TAMPA
BOTH Wed & Fri 10am - 2pm! Tampa Bay area locals can book a live session with me EVERY WEDNESDAY & FRIDAY from 10-2PM Call Kodawari's front desk directly to schedule (813) 773-4017Â and pay at the concierge desk... 15 minutes 33$ or 30 minutes 65$. UPCOMING SCHEDULE 10-2pm: Wednesday: July 11th, 18th, 25th Friday: July 6th, 13th, 20th, 27th
3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa (813) 773-4017 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/
Fish FoodÂ
The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish
Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations Â
July 4th - "Today I will accept that which I cannot change and do the best that I can with all people, places, and things. I will endeavor to make the effort. Pass or fail, good or bad, I will remain judgment free and in the present. I will celebrate my independence from the food chain of life and revel in the fact that I can make a difference." Buy the book and read all 365 Days
From the Fish Box
"Jerry and I are very grateful for your session! Thank you so very much for all your kindness, Magic and heartwarming love! He is starting his new job at the Melbourne campus in two weeks. He will live in a tent at the camping on the base not far from there before we will figure out what we can get approved for financing to have a property or boat to live in for him and us to visit. Salary is a lot less then he made here, but he is very excited and looking for extra classes to teach online or other schools in FL as part time. Meanwhile for my business it is season here and I'm hoping to help budget as well. Thank you again my beautiful friend, May Universe to fill you with blessings. Enjoy your holiday weekend! Much love." - E.J. / Florida
Receive 24/7 Daily Prayers From Jimmy
Got a job interview next week? Going to court? Trying to get a mortgage? Surgery scheduled for you or a loved one? These are just some of the life at the crossroads events that are ideal for My Daily Prayer program. I am doing the heavy lifting for you around 3AM while youâre asleep in order to smooth out your way. YES! My Liquid FishÂź Change made simpleÂź works on legal issues too! Even the nightmares of family court/child custody/divorce cases!!! I will dial into you daily in the wee hours and make certain that you are a CLEAR YES,UNCLEAR to NO and RUNNING FORWARD before you start your day. You will send me a list of the members of your immediate household, and yes even pets, and I will add them to my daily prayers. I will arise daily before you are even awake to start my prayers and also run my intelligent computer software 24/7 deleting the negative and increasing the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of outcomes for you and the family. Â
CHOOSE ONE OF THE OPTIONS BELOW:
           Choose 7 days@ $33      Choose 14 days @$66    Choose 30 days @$99
Each comes with a one-time email analysis print out via the intelligent healing software that I use on your behalf. Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes and I get emails like this one each and every week!
"Hi Jimmy, Many thanks for your prayer support, it was most effective! I am considering taking the Level 1 Fish certification, and learning more about this great technique. It would help greatly in my Shiatsu/massage practice and personal life. Expect to hear from me soon. Bright blessings," - Ariel Â
MLF Certification Mastery Course
Level I is OPEN FOR ANYONE to join at any time! Certificate of Mastery Program for My Liquid FishÂź Change made simpleÂź Â
This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It's a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH you AND CLEAR you at the same time! You'll also be working with me personally over the phone as a part of your final Mastery Certification test.
LEARN MORE HERE
Certified MLF Practitioner Course
Also, the Level II Practitioner's Course includes the Advanced teachings and nuances plus the exclusively written "The Practitioner's Handbook" which is dedicated to those who practice in the healing arts; Psychics, Healers, NP, AP, DOM, DO, MD, DC, Massage Therapists, Physical Therapists, RNs, Nurse Practitioners, PhDs, and Physician Assistants or currently practicing another modality, technique or method that includes natural healing in your home office or office setting, phone and or Skype and is ONLY available in the Practitioner's Certification Program.
This book outlines some of the inner workings of how I handle my own practice including topics like; managing unrealistic expectations, having patience, pricing, time isn't always equal to outcomes or results, having limits, legal and ethical questions, advice on supplements, marketing, promotion, and sales, daily rituals for you and your clients/patients.
LEARN MORE HERE
My Liquid FishÂź Jewelry and Art
Check out this brand new "energy art" from artist Julia Watkins featuring My Liquid FishÂź! Learn more about purchasing a stunning pendant or a print of this original art piece (pictured here) which can literally be called an "energy portal". Â I believe you will find these pieces to be gorgeous keepsakes and each is empowered with the energy of My Liquid FishÂź Change made simpleÂź Â
Created by world renowned Energy Artist Julia Watkins Watch this short 6-min video presentation all about it! https://vimeo.com/248516531
PURCHASE HERE
TGIFunny
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Jimmy Mack 727.678.0557â EST | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session â ââTransformational Healing of Body, Mindâ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!â â Download the My Liquid FishÂź Starter Kit Audio MP3 Downloadsâ and booksâ to improve your life! Get Certified in âMy Liquid FishÂź Change Made SimpleÂź Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for âSupplements â http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyrighted ©1998-2018 All Rights Reserved Â
-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger | Digital Marketing Specialist | SMBeConnected Solutions Digital Marketing Solutions & Support for Conscious Entrepreneurs www.smbeconnected.com Â
Stay connected!
 Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA Â
0 notes
Text
TGIWednesday and prolaiming YOUR independence!
TGIWednesday News
TODAY JULY 4th at 3pm EDT Jimmy will be co-hosting on the Spiritual Insights Show with Charlotte Spicer. Call in LIVE and get a free reading (347) 934-0751    Listen here online Hey hey, the early reviews are coming in for the super special new audio MP3 being released next Wed. July 11th- MyBeliefworks⹠Daily GPS Reset - Fishing the Files. "I definitely feel a sense of peace listening to these meditations. This is very comprehensive and covers all of the different aspects of one's day and the issues for each part of the day which need "reprogrammed." I appreciated the additional emergency portion because it was very comforting. It felt like a cosmic hug! After finishing, I just knew everything was going to be alright. Another great program. Much gratitude." - K.M. "OMG I love this and I have only done the morning routine! Anna is asking me to email this to her! It is AMAZING! I feel so good already.' My liquid Fish GPS reset is an amazing miracle in my life. It has helped me through a very traumatic event in my life and within the first day of hear I feel profoundly better. Jimmy is a miracle worker and the GPS download is by far the best download that I have ever used. I felt the changes taking place instantly!" - A.P. / Florida Want to know how YOU could have gotten this new audio mp3 for FREE? Click here.
TGIWednesday Download
~ PROCLAIMING YOUR INDEPENDENCE ~ It is safe and comfortable for me to be my own being and under my own spiritual connection. I am ready, willing and able to be the best and highest spiritual being possible in this and any other lifetime thus far. I am being shown, when, where, how and why it is safe and comfortable to be myself, and to be independent without having to be co dependent on others. I can be alone without feeling lonely and every day in every way my life improves. I am asking in all languages and across all timelines and so it is! Â
Live Shows and Replays
THE JIMMY MACK HEALING SHOW
Every Tuesday at 12pm ET Call in LIVE (713) 955-0594 (*New time starting July 31st - Tuesdays at 9pm ET/ 6pm PT) Â
Imagine getting FREE intuitive messages and healings LIVE! Well, it happens every week on my radio show with some of the best psychic readers & intuitive healers on the planet! Tune in weekly for the FREE live show or replay and YOU will receive changes & healings just by listening! To listen online, click the date links below. Listen to Yesterday's Replay - MORRIGHAN LYNNE is a renowned Spiritual Medium, Psychic Empath, Clairvoyant, Intuitive Coach, Ordained Minister, Paranormal Investigator, and published Author.  JULY 10th DANIEL THE HEALER Healer/Metaphysician/Spiritual Elder extraordinare, radio show host Living In Bliss www.danielthehealer.com  JULY 17th REV DR KIMBERLY MAROONEY Intuitive Readings and Angelologist http://kimberlymarooney.com/angel-blessings  JULY 24th KELLY M BALLARD 4th Generation Medium and Intuitive Reader http://www.reflectiveharmony.com  JULY 31st REV. DEBBIE DIENSTBIER, our in residence Transmedium Communications with your loved oneâs in heaven Important time change 9pm ET
 Browse the interview archives here.
Live In-Person Appearances
LIVE SESSIONS AT SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH July 30th from 10am to 5pm I will be seeing clients at my good friend Charla Temponeâs office at Swann Holistic Health Center in Tampa. Please call their office directly in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes 33$âs 30-minutes 65$ - and yes it will sell out! 39 A DAVIS BLVD. TAMPA, FL 33606 (813) 873-7773 LIVE AT KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS TAMPA
BOTH Wed & Fri 10am - 2pm! Tampa Bay area locals can book a live session with me EVERY WEDNESDAY & FRIDAY from 10-2PM Call Kodawari's front desk directly to schedule (813) 773-4017Â and pay at the concierge desk... 15 minutes 33$ or 30 minutes 65$. UPCOMING SCHEDULE 10-2pm: Wednesday: July 11th, 18th, 25th Friday: July 6th, 13th, 20th, 27th
3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa (813) 773-4017 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/
Fish FoodÂ
The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish
Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations Â
July 4th - "Today I will accept that which I cannot change and do the best that I can with all people, places, and things. I will endeavor to make the effort. Pass or fail, good or bad, I will remain judgment free and in the present. I will celebrate my independence from the food chain of life and revel in the fact that I can make a difference." Buy the book and read all 365 Days
From the Fish Box
"Jerry and I are very grateful for your session! Thank you so very much for all your kindness, Magic and heartwarming love! He is starting his new job at the Melbourne campus in two weeks. He will live in a tent at the camping on the base not far from there before we will figure out what we can get approved for financing to have a property or boat to live in for him and us to visit. Salary is a lot less then he made here, but he is very excited and looking for extra classes to teach online or other schools in FL as part time. Meanwhile for my business it is season here and I'm hoping to help budget as well. Thank you again my beautiful friend, May Universe to fill you with blessings. Enjoy your holiday weekend! Much love." - E.J. / Florida
Receive 24/7 Daily Prayers From Jimmy
Got a job interview next week? Going to court? Trying to get a mortgage? Surgery scheduled for you or a loved one? These are just some of the life at the crossroads events that are ideal for My Daily Prayer program. I am doing the heavy lifting for you around 3AM while youâre asleep in order to smooth out your way. YES! My Liquid FishÂź Change made simpleÂź works on legal issues too! Even the nightmares of family court/child custody/divorce cases!!! I will dial into you daily in the wee hours and make certain that you are a CLEAR YES,UNCLEAR to NO and RUNNING FORWARD before you start your day. You will send me a list of the members of your immediate household, and yes even pets, and I will add them to my daily prayers. I will arise daily before you are even awake to start my prayers and also run my intelligent computer software 24/7 deleting the negative and increasing the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of outcomes for you and the family. Â
CHOOSE ONE OF THE OPTIONS BELOW:
           Choose 7 days@ $33      Choose 14 days @$66    Choose 30 days @$99
Each comes with a one-time email analysis print out via the intelligent healing software that I use on your behalf. Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes and I get emails like this one each and every week!
"Hi Jimmy, Many thanks for your prayer support, it was most effective! I am considering taking the Level 1 Fish certification, and learning more about this great technique. It would help greatly in my Shiatsu/massage practice and personal life. Expect to hear from me soon. Bright blessings," - Ariel Â
MLF Certification Mastery Course
Level I is OPEN FOR ANYONE to join at any time! Certificate of Mastery Program for My Liquid FishÂź Change made simpleÂź Â
This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It's a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH you AND CLEAR you at the same time! You'll also be working with me personally over the phone as a part of your final Mastery Certification test.
LEARN MORE HERE
Certified MLF Practitioner Course
Also, the Level II Practitioner's Course includes the Advanced teachings and nuances plus the exclusively written "The Practitioner's Handbook" which is dedicated to those who practice in the healing arts; Psychics, Healers, NP, AP, DOM, DO, MD, DC, Massage Therapists, Physical Therapists, RNs, Nurse Practitioners, PhDs, and Physician Assistants or currently practicing another modality, technique or method that includes natural healing in your home office or office setting, phone and or Skype and is ONLY available in the Practitioner's Certification Program.
This book outlines some of the inner workings of how I handle my own practice including topics like; managing unrealistic expectations, having patience, pricing, time isn't always equal to outcomes or results, having limits, legal and ethical questions, advice on supplements, marketing, promotion, and sales, daily rituals for you and your clients/patients.
LEARN MORE HERE
My Liquid FishÂź Jewelry and Art
Check out this brand new "energy art" from artist Julia Watkins featuring My Liquid FishÂź! Learn more about purchasing a stunning pendant or a print of this original art piece (pictured here) which can literally be called an "energy portal". Â I believe you will find these pieces to be gorgeous keepsakes and each is empowered with the energy of My Liquid FishÂź Change made simpleÂź Â
Created by world renowned Energy Artist Julia Watkins Watch this short 6-min video presentation all about it! https://vimeo.com/248516531
PURCHASE HERE
TGIFunny
Share
Tweet
Forward
+1
Pinterest
Jimmy Mack 727.678.0557â EST | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session â ââTransformational Healing of Body, Mindâ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!â â Download the My Liquid FishÂź Starter Kit Audio MP3 Downloadsâ and booksâ to improve your life! Get Certified in âMy Liquid FishÂź Change Made SimpleÂź Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for âSupplements â http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyrighted ©1998-2018 All Rights Reserved Â
-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger | Digital Marketing Specialist | SMBeConnected Solutions Digital Marketing Solutions & Support for Conscious Entrepreneurs www.smbeconnected.com Â
Stay connected!
 Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA Â
0 notes
Text
My Favorite Metal Albums of 2017
35. Emmure â Look at Yourself
Emmure entered a bit of a minor renaissance with the house-cleaning by Frankie, and while the album still gives into a lot of his previous albumsâ weaknesses, itâs a release whose sheer volume and raw, unadultered aggression kept me coming back to at least revel in the big fiery production and explosive attitude of the short project.
34. Cannibal Corpse â Red Before Black
Cannibal Corpse stuck to whatâs worked for them and it continues to work for them. While the singles and the god-awful album cover gave me bad premonitions, it ended up being a pretty solid, up-to-par release from the group, whose unbelievably crunchy production lends itself well to the concise, mechanically efficient, classic death metal the band have perfected the art of.
33. Morbid Angel â Kingdoms Disdained
With a lot the make up for, Morbid Angel roared back on Kingdoms Disdained, opting not so much for originality as for tenacious attitude seemingly lost amidst the confused experimentation of the bandâs recent work. It pushes neither death metalâs nor Morbid Angelâs boundaries the way the band did in their early days, but they needed rejuvenation more than vague, senseless ambition, and they seem like they got it.
32. Sepultura â Machine Messiah
An album that should, but still probably wonât, silence those naysayers who should have been silenced three or four albums ago, Machine Messiah is such a fresh but also familiar album from the less appreciated incarnation of Sepultura. Full of groove and lively performances from all members involved, Sepultura still sound eager to reach new heights while their former frontman continues to fly through the decade mostly on autopilot.
31. Trivium â The Sin and the Sentence
Probably the patchiest album in this list, Matt Heafyâs return to growls proved that their absence on the previous albums was not the main issue with that output, but also that they do have quite a place in Triviumâs sound. The Sin and the Sentence features some of Triviumâs most clinically performed and experience-written material that will certainly remain a part of their live shows even after future releases. Yet it also contains some seemingly lazily unambitious filler that seems meant to cover as many bases as possible.
30. Mastodon â Cold Dark Place
More laid back and purposeful than the gaudy, inconsistent, and, at this point, unexciting heavy sludge of Emperor of Sand, Mastodonâs Cold Dark Place sounds like it was actually a preconceived project and not just another round of vague song ideas plugged into the Mastodon machine to maintain the bandâs relevance and the obnoxious fanfare directed at them for doing so much as breathing.
29. SĂłlstafir â Berdreyminn
A gem of the fine land of Iceland, SĂłlstafir reached for realistic new heights on Berderyminn and grasped them with transcendent songwriting and similarly passionate performances. I can think of a number of post-rock-centric bands who could use a dose of SĂłlstafirâs advice to revitalize their game.
28. Dead Cross â Dead Cross
A chemistry I wasnât expecting to be as tight as it was, Mike Patton and Dave Lombardo complimented each other quite well with impressively energetic performances from both of them, heavier, faster, and more infectious than a vast majority of younger crossover thrash and hardcore punk Iâve heard.
27. Fit for an Autopsy â The Great Collapse
The Gojira influence all over this thing is hard to miss, but it made for a much more exciting deathcore album, a genre that had a surprisingly great year; perhaps the result of every deathcore-centric band banding together to save the genre from Suicide Silence, rather than the other way around. At the top of the crop, The Great Collapse doesnât overstate what every other deathcore album already tries so hard to state harder than its competition. Instead, Fit for an Autopsy rely on the creative directions they take the music in to bring the excitement, and bring it they do, not falling victim to too many of deathcoreâs pitfalls or overstating their welcome.
26. Persefone â Aathma
A band seemingly aiming continuously bigger, Persefone go beyond life-sized and reality-grounded on the hyper-spiritual Aathma, whose tracklist is an ever-ascending metallic ladder to the prog heavens, and the band conjure quite the masterpiece to finish the album off as well.
25. Suffering Hour â In Passing Ascension
With not a lot of blackened death metal to report on this year, Suffering Hourâs short, gritty output drew plenty of attention and raised its hand for the subgenre with confidence and the exact kind of fire it needed. No game-changer, the album makes its mark with technical and aggressive performance and a great lack of bullshit.
24. Dying Fetus â Wrong One to Fuck With
Speaking of no bullshit death metal, Dying Fetus also put out an album this year.
23. Power Trip â Nightmare Logic
This album I liked from the start, but when I got a super cheap physical copy and found myself replaying it, the degree of skill with which it teleports the 1980âs thrash sound into the 21st century is truly remarkable. And itâs no cheap, nostalgic imitation either, Power Trip write like they donât have a tribute of any older band in mind, adding to the legendary thrash legacy a mark all their own.
22. Alestorm â No Grave but the Sea
Besides the ridiculous âFucked with an Anchorâ song, Alestorm put together some of their most vivid stories and some of the most moving folk metal settings. How they keep going with pirate metal and only pirate metal, and continuing to come up with new ideas in said realm is a feat I canât help be amazed by. Hats off to the captains of true Scottish pirate metal!
21. Elder â Reflections of a Floating World
Out-Mastodon-ing Mastodon this year, Elder came forth with more than just a proggy sludge album this year. Reflections of a Floating World is expansive, emotionally complex, and more immersive than what Iâm used to from a sludge metal album.
20. Deadspace â Reaching for Silence
Technically half of a split release off Bandcamp, Deadspace took me by surprise with this album with the unique mingling of musical elements (particularly vocal styles) outside the world of ambient black metal, enhancing the emotional vulnerability of the songs. I hope the band continue to chase new territory within the now quite in-bloom subgenre, because theyâve shown they can make it happen.
19. Suffocation â âŠof the Dark Light
Suffocation also happened to put an album out this year. What else can I say? Itâs the technical, fascinating Suffocation thatâs always been, and theyâre operating at maximum on this album.
18. Soen â Lykaia
Toolâs benchwarmers and Opethâs B-team look to be playing for their mentorsâ starting positions with Lykaia. Though likely never to escape the comparisons to either band or replace them as big-name headliners, Soen are proving them to be not as on-of-a-kind as theyâre often thought to be. Lykaia is an oxymoronically straightforward prog metal album more intent on cultivating moods and crafting memorable songs than showboating or wandering off into some silly musical no-manâs-land under the guise of innovation.
17. Hell â Hell
Another excellent find on Bandcamp, the Hell from Portland, Oregon provide and addictive combination of sludgy doom metal and tortured DSBM. Unlike anything Iâve heard all year, Hellâs enveloping darkness and horrifying premonitions of eternal damnation and gutting of the soul makes their name a fitting one.
16. Marilyn Manson â Heaven Upside Down
While this album has somewhat fallen from my favor since I first listened to it, itâs still a respectable album from the aging Marilyn Manson, and one that sometimes puts that age to good use. I know a lot of people continued to complain about him the same way heâs been complained about for years now, but Heaven Upside Down continues its predecessorâs positive trend of focused and appropriate songwriting.
15. Boris â Dear
Hilariously set to be their farewell album that instead spawned enough material for a series of goodbyes, the perhaps too-prolific Boris drones through bright and bleak with blazing valor on Dear. Though their repertoire spans a myriad of genres, Dear finds them kind of at home field in resonant, booming amplifier worship and heavenly vocal-backed soundscapes.
14. Pallbearer â Heartless
Pallbearer both continued to do what has been working for them and injected some freshness into their proggy, doomy sound on Heartless. Going bigger on the prog and thinking outside the traditional doom emotional mindset, Pallbearer make themselves much easier to pay attention to with a more multifaceted approach that doom of their style doesnât get much of.
13. Septicflesh â Codex Omega
Codex Omega has continuously grown on me since its release and I have since come to think of it as Septicfleshâs most practiced and perfected effort, even more than Communion. The band have clearly been figuring out their strengths and weaknesses in symphonic death metal through trial and error, and Codex Omega shows that the band has been taking notes on what works and what doesnât. With a number of exceptional headbangers, Septicflesh have found the right combinations for just about everything in their sound; the next challenge will be outdoing this already massive release
12. Goatwhore â Vengeful Ascension
I feel like I might have a bit of a soft spot for the sweetly named Goatwhore, but I have been continuously drawn to this album, and Iâve come to appreciate it this year as a strong, culminative report of all their experience in blackened thrash and blackened death metal. Not a summarizing statement of artistic progress, but rather a reoptimization of an already repeatedly optimized system, Vengeful Ascension is Goatwhore continuing to perfect Goatwhore as they play to begged for by fans rather than begging for the fans.
11. Converge â The Dusk in Us
Metalcoreâs oldest and most consistent band still on the hunt for greatness theyâve already earned in spades bursts from the dust in expectedly enigmatic fashion. Tapping into the rawest of human emotion and putting it on display, Converge wrangle, seemingly effortlessly, their emotional volatility into violent and beautiful works of art like old masters all their students dream of being like.
10. Zeal and Ardor â Devil Is Fine
A not 100% blackgaze album, the slave rituals over the expansive black metal instrumentation gave a depth and breadth to this album that I canât wait to see expanded on in future releases. I had this in the number one spot for a good portion of the year and itâs still a stunning debut, but it shows its faults after its novelty wears off. Itâs a good album, and its flaws are tangible and excellent directing marks to where the band needs to grow. Theyâre a young band that formed out of the blue as a result of a solo projectâs explosion and I hope Zeal and Ardor grow into a strong, mature project with a strong sense of direction.
9. Full of Hell â Trumpeting Ecstasy
Full of Hellâs standalone project this year wore me down as I kept working out to it. A more than average deathgrind album, Trumpeting Ecstasy blazes efficiently through its deathgrind core and brings some needed experimentation to the genreâs table. Itâs short and over before you know it, but itâs not cutting any corners or turning anything in unfinished even if it definitely leaves you drooling for more.
8. Decapitated â Anticult
I mentioned my reasons for including Decapitated on my year-end lists of honor despite their entrapment in legal purgatory at the moment quite at length when I talked about âKill the Cultâ, and it carries over to Anticult as well, a hungry, applaudably recalibrated album from a band thatâs had a hard time getting their bearings back after a series of hardships. Anticult finds Decapitated pushing through the boundaries they had difficulty surmounting on the last two albums, slowly reclaiming their place in the throne room of technical death metal.
7. Death from Above â Outrage! Is Now
Quite a bit less overtly heavy than its surrounding company on this list, Outrage! Is Now makes its mark with well-crafted songs, soaring melodies, and bold attitude. Poking at the petty, grumpy social climate it rises from, the album hides its critique in sing-song-y hard rock and alternative metal working its melodies into the ear canals to implant its message before itâs realized.
6. Mutoid Man â War Moans
A whimsical listen that Iâm so glad for, War Moans is so consistently full of refurbished vintage thrash and sludgy stoner rock songs ready to become classics, I donât know how itâs not so many editorsâ favorites. âBone Chainâ, âKiss of Deathâ, âDate with the Devilâ, âMelt Your Mindâ, âWreck and Surviveâ, âMicro Aggressionâ, and the audible heartache, âBandagesâ. So many incredible songs, played to their optimum by a group unconcerned with technical wanking or diva bullshit. Mutoid Man have an unnoticed classic under their belts now.
5. Chelsea Wolfe â Hiss Spun
Chelsea Wolfe went full metal on Hiss Spun, or perhaps the metal on Hiss Spun went Chelsea Wolfe. She sounds comfortable as though sheâs been doing this style of music her whole life. Her music has always had that unsettling, ghostly presence that no one else can quite capture like her; the dramatic, loud, overtness of the darkness metal seemed like it might destroy the subtlety of her sound, and to a degree it is diminished. But in the drone-y doom distortion, Chelsea still lures, even from deep within the darkness, and itâs a darkness she sounds more than comfortable and at home within.
4. Igorrr â Savage Sinusoid
Death metal, opera, electronica, groove metal, classical music, dubstep, operatic screaming, accordion, flute, a chicken. This is the weirdest album I have heard all year, and incredibly, all that weirdness is weaved so nicely into enjoyable tunes. Itâs still not all that serious of an album, I mean, it doesnât take itself so damn seriously it canât through in a few cracked wails and a chicken. But for all its eccentricity its emotional width is pretty impressive and the consistency with which the band put forth tasty material is astounding. I know itâs not everyoneâs cup of tea, but itâs a brew I have greatly enjoyed rocking out to and goofing off to this year and itâs definitely worth the try.
3. Primitive Man â Caustic
The most abusive and dense album to come out this year by far, Caustic is a bloody assault upon the soul that doesnât stop or take any breaks. Primitive Man plunge any willing listeners straight into a vat of boiling tar for almost a straight eighty minutes with not a moment of mercy or ounce of sympathy. Primitive Man hold up the sonic black mirror with an indescribably heavy slow bludgeoning of sludge metal, death metal, and doom, all with a healthy nihilistic dose of not giving a fuck about anything or anyone.
2. Havok â Conformicide
Havok have made the thrash metal album of the decade, at least in my eyes. And while it may be easy to write thrash off in this day and age in favor of more extreme metal, Havok remind with serious power just how intense thrash can still be. Conformicide may be years late to the thrash party and its current competition may not be as high bar as that of thrash metalâs golden age, but I think Conformicide can hold its own next to even the 80âs classics. While they do thrash as traditionally as most revivalists thrash these days, skewering religion and governmental corruption as Dave Mustaine did for breakfast every morning in 1986, Havok up the musicianship, distill and expand the writing, and update the subject matter on Conformicide. The thrash spirit is alive and well inside Havok and on Conformicide, unyielding in its speed, its criticism, and its supply of riffs and double bass.
1. Code Orange â Forever
2017 has been the year of Code Orange, and since its release, Forever has pretty much consistently held this top spot for me. Coming out of hardcore nowhere to earn so many album-of-the-year accolades, I feel a little less original now calling it my favorite too, but I donât care, itâs an incredible fucking album. Violent as all hell, bruising and bone-breaking, and poetic even in its aggressive hardcore bravado, Code Orange arenât fucking around. Taking cues from Converge and somewhat reinventing the hardcore breakdown, Code Orange make just as many new rules as they break old ones, usurping the throne of metalcore in an unstoppable firestorm coup de tat in front of the entire world who can only watch as it unfolds. Code Orange have seized power by driving their own engine, stepping outside the lines and beating into submission the less zealous, reaching incredible heights at incredible speed the DIY way. And it has been such a fucking pleasure to watch them. Their success, they earned it. Their recognition, they deserve it. This is real now, motherfucker. Code Orange is Forever.
#metal#top albums of 2017#2017#best albums of 2017#heavy metal#death metal#thrash#thrash metal#black metal#sludge metal#doom metal#music list#favorite albums#favorite records#favorite
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Cold Case Logic #21: When I Was Cruel
This oneâs been a long time coming. [You can say that again. I started writing this more than a year ago!] I ride hard for a bunch of artistsâDylan, Lou Reed, Brian Wilson, Prince. But thereâs only one of whom I can say Iâve heard it all, bought every album (in many cases, more than once), tracked down every B-side and soundtrack appearance, showed up for just about every tour when it came through town. Thatâs Elvis Costello.
And yet I find the prospect of writing about the man and his music daunting. The essence of his art is harder to pin down than it might seem on the surface. A virtuoso songwriter and a spirited performer, Costello has nearly 30 albums to his credit, give or take, and only one that could fairly be called a dud (Iâm looking at you Goodbye Cruel World). Heâs never gone through an extended wilderness period like Dylan or Neil Young. That consistency has been to the detriment of his legacy, I suspect. By maintaining such high standards for so long, heâs denied us the comeback narrative we seem to expect from aging rockers. No one ever says his latest album is âhis best since King of Americaâ the way it used to be common to say Dylanâs latest was âhis best since Blood on the Tracks.â
Another reason heâs so difficult to write about is that heâs written (and talked) so much about himself over the years. Again, the contrast with Dylan is striking. For decades, fans pored over Dylanâs every move and utterance, even his garbage, because they felt they knew so little about him. When his memoir Chronicles was finally published in 2004, it was greeted as a major revelation, even though everyone knew, or should have known, they were dealing with an unreliable narrator. By contrast, when it was announced that Costello would be releasing his memoir, fans speculated that it might be simply an expansion of the extensive liner notes heâd written when his catalog was reissued a decade earlier. Heâd already given us thousands of words about his life and work, not to mention a Vanity Fair article in which he listed 500 (!) of his favorite albums; what more was there to say?
With Costello, it seems thereâs always more to say. Unfaithful Music & Disappearing Ink weighs in at nearly 700 pages, not one of them a repeat of those ten-year-old liner notes. As if that werenât enough, I recently found a post on his website in which he compiled a High Fidelity-style ranking of his own songs. (I canât seem to find it now, so itâs possible I hallucinated it. The recent Rosanne Cash, Kris Kristofferson co-write âApril 5thâ came in at #1. I was amazed to see my all-time favorite âSuit of Lightsâ at #2.) This prolixity, all but unprecedented for a rock star, is both a sign of generosity towards his fans and a strategy for keeping us at bay. Where Dylan has maintained an air of mystery, Costello always seems to be stepping out from behind the curtain to make sure we donât get the wrong idea. (His 1986 cover of âDonât Let Me Be Misunderstoodâ went to #33 in the U.S.)
Unfaithful Music was a big event in my life as a Costello fan, partly because of my own circumstances at the time. My son had been born a few months earlier, my wife had just gone back to work, and I was taking over at home, a role I wasnât ready for. It was an emotionally draining time. If I was lucky, Theo would conk out after his midday bottle, and Iâd gingerly wheel him through the cold to Starbucks where the hiss of the milk steamer and the purr of Sinatra crooning Christmas standards served as white noise and I could steal an hour or two to read.
Iâd expected the pages of Unfaithful Music to be stuffed with anecdotes and insights about the music, and I wasnât disappointed. But when I discovered that the bookâs main thru-line is Costelloâs relationship with his dad Ross, well, letâs just say it hit me where I live. I was familiar with some of the story already. I already knew, for instance, that Ross was a singer in a popular dance band of the â50s and â60s. What Unfaithful Music brought home for me was how central a figure he was at every stage of Costelloâs journey, both as a man and an artist. Reading the passage in which young Declan MacManus eavesdrops on Ross practicing âPlease Please Meâ in the front room, itching to get his hands on the record when his dad is done with it, not knowing his course has already been set, I realized the profound responsibility Iâd taken on, and I thought about what kind of father I wanted to be. For one thing, I wanted to whisk Theo home and play him something more inspiring than âJingle Bells.â
And where better to start than with my Elvis Costello albums? I jumped around over the next few weeks, but for some reason I was especially drawn to his recent work. Maybe I wanted to spare Theoâs tender ears the coiled fury of the early âguilt and revengeâ years. Or maybe I wanted to continue spending time with the fellow who wrote Unfaithful Music, his edge still sharp but the steel more tempered. In any case, Iâve never viewed his body of work the way many critics do: a âclassic periodâ followed by a series of perverse experiments. My first Costello album was 1991âs kitchen-sinky Mighty Like a Rose (a.k.a. The Beard Album), and even as I explored the back catalog, I kept moving forward with him. I never resented 1993âs string quartet opus The Juliette Letters for not being This Yearâs Model. I discovered them both at the same time.
With that in mind, my original idea for this post was to write a paragraph on every album heâs released in the past twenty years or so, from the Burt Bacharach collabo Painted From Memory to the Roots collabo Wise Up Ghost. I quickly realized the task was overwhelming. I needed to pick the one album about which I had the most to say, or more precisely the one that would help me access what I had to say, which felt deep-seated but inchoate. Without really thinking it through I settled on When I Was Cruel from 2002.
Now that Iâm sitting down to write, though, even tackling this one album feels overwhelming. When I Was Cruel is a rich text as the academics like to say. Ironically, itâs not among Costelloâs most heavily annotated works. It came out after the reissue campaign that resulted in those exhaustive liner notes, and itâs barely mentioned in Unfaithful Music. It does, however, make for an illuminating companion to the memoir. In both, Costello confronts the passage of time and also confounds it, skipping around in time freely, from chapter to chapter, song to song, even line to line.
This skipping around is a typical Costello technique. Linearity isnât his way. Even when he hatches a group of songs with a unifying topic or storyline, heâll break them up, obscure his intent. (The Juliet Letters is the only entry in his catalog that could be called a proper concept album.) Half the songs on 2004âs Delivery Man, give or take, are episodes in a Southern Gothic tale about a sinister figure and the women under his spell, but theyâre jumbled together with the other half, which are unrelated, and I only know what Costello had in mind because, in his usual way, he explained it in interviews at the time of the albumâs release. He even pointed out that the Delivery Man character had already appeared in âHidden Shame,â which he wrote for Johnny Cash more than a decade earlier. Costelloâs own version of âHidden Shameâ eventually turned up on 2009âs Secret, Profane & Sugarcane, along with a clutch of songs from an unfinished opera about Hans Christian Andersen and Jenny Lind.
When I Was Cruel has its own displaced narratives. âSoul for Hireâ was written for a little-seen movie called Prison Song, starring Q-Tip and Mary J. Blige, with Costello appearing as both a teacher and a lawyer. (âSoul for Hireâ is sung from the lawyerâs point of view.) The origin of lead single, âTear Off Your Own Head (Itâs a Doll Revolution)â is even more far-fetched. If Costello is to be believed, it was meant to be the theme song for a show about singing female spies that he and T-Bone Burnett pitched to the WB.
As amusing as all this backstory is, it doesnât reveal much about When I Was Cruel. More telling is the odd placement of âDust 2âŠâ three tracks before its bookend ââŠDust.â The crux of the album is what lies between those ellipses. The final words of âDust 2âŠâ are âWell, I believe we just/become a speck of dustâ; the first words of ââŠDustâ are âIf only dust could talk/what would we hear it say?â This is an album about what it feels like to be in the middle of a life and to be living in the middle of history. To capture that feeling, Costello draws on a lifetime of songcraft: fractured timelines, a riot of voices, inexhaustible skeins of wordplay.
Like âDust 2,â the title track is the second in a series (itâs listed as âWhen I Was Cruel No. 2â), but its predecessor isnât on the album. This is an old Dylan trick, nicked from the high art world: âI Shall Be Freeâ was followed, two years later, by âI Shall Be Free No. 10â; the other eight iterations may or may not exist. In the case of âWhen I Was Cruel,â no. 1 does existâit was released as a B-sideâbut its absence from the album contributes to the sense that we are joining a train of thought in medias res. (Toward the end of the album, âEpisode of Blondeâ fades out in mid-verse, a train of thought going on without us. This is one trick Dylan never pulled, though the Talking Heads did.)
When was Costello cruel exactly? The title evokes the sneering young man who spit acrid lines like âDonât ask me to apologize/I wonât ask you to forgive meâ back in 1978. The liner notes are seeded with other allusions to the persona forged in his early years. Production is credited to âThe Imposter,â a reference to a song from 1980âs Get Happy that Costello has used as a pseudonym from time to time (although in this case, he actually shares the name with three other producers). Two of the three members of his legendary back-up band The Attractionsâkeyboardist Steve Nieve and drummer Pete Thomasâappear prominently on When I Was Cruel, and Costello would soon announce the formation of The Imposters with bassist Davey Faragher replacing the recalcitrant Bruce Thomas.
Calling the band The Imposters served two opposing purposes: to remind his audience of his brilliant history with The Attractions and to make it clear that this was not The Attractions and could never be. This doubleness of intent is all over When I Was Cruel. Unlike so many of his peers, Costello has never tried to bask in past glories. (Heâs struck a defiantly anti-nostalgic tone in talking about his current tour revisiting 1982âs Imperial Bedroom.) Instead, on When I Was Cruel, he takes the temptation to live in the past as one of his central themes. The refrain of âWhen I Was Cruel No. 2â is âbut it was so much easier/when I was cruel.â Several other songs cast a harsh light on the spectacle of people, specifically men, refusing to grow up. From âSpooky Girlfriendâ: âI want a girl whoâs helpless and frail/who wonât pull on my ponytail.â From âDaddy Can I Turn This?â: âIs anybody acting your age?/You got a girl you keep in a cage.â From âEpisode of Blondeâ: âSheâs a trophy on your arm/a magnet for your money clip.â
The subject of âAlibiâ could be either a man or a woman, although when I first heard it, at a concert before the release of When I Was Cruel, I assumed it must be addressed to a woman because it reminded me so much of âI Want You,â Costelloâs epic psychodrama of curdled love. âI Want Youâ and âAlibiâ are almost identical in length (6:41 and 6:42, respectively), and both build on the repetition of a simple title phrase rather than a traditional verse-chorus structure. At the concert I sawâCostello performing as a duo with Steve NieveââAlibiâ achieved some of the show-stopping intensity fans have come to expect from âI Want You.â The studio version is more subdued (as is the original recording of âI Want You,â compared to the juggernaut itâs become on stage). Still, itâs a merciless song, exposing the irony in the past tense of âwhen I was cruel.â
âInsane, what a mundane Alibi, alibi And you only wanted to be famous Alibi, alibi Sorry, but your mummy doesn't love you Alibi, alibi Stop me if you've heard this.â
As we get older, we all accrue stories, justifications, excuses for the way things turned out. Costello calls these stories alibis because they cover up a crime: our failure to live up to our ideals. We act selfishly (âYou did it 'cos you wantedâŠAnd you took it/'cos you need it/Alibi, alibiâ); we let material comfort corrupt us (âYou were happy when you were poor/and more honest and thatâs your/Alibi, alibiâ); we hurt those close enough to see us for what we are (âBut if I've done something wrong there's no ifs and buts/'Cos I love you just as much as I hate your gutsâ). The âIâ in âAlibiâ could be the same needy manchild as in âSpooky Girlfriendâ (or, for that matter, the jaded public defender of âSoul for Hireâ) but then who is the âyouâ? In Costelloâs world, point of view, like chronology, is slippery.
There is one line in âAlibiâ Iâve never been able to parse: âBut if I've done something right then don't be surprised/There are soldiers who will kill but refuse to die.â As inscrutable as it is, the reference to soldiers is a portal, a glimpse of something larger than one personâs delusions. For if there are stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, there is also another kind of story, the ones that happen to us, in which we are nothing more than bit players.
This larger story is present in the albumâs opening lines:
âBells are chiming for victory There's a page back in history 45 They came back to the world that they fought for Didn't turn out just like they thoughtâ
The song â45â is, among other things, a bravura feat of punning. It refers not only to the year World War II ended but also to Costelloâs age when he wrote the song, and to the 45 rpm records that were the defining artifact of his youth. In a sense, â45â is the seed that contains all of what would become Unfaithful Music. Costello makes it clear in his memoir that to grow up in England in the 1960s was to come of age not only with The Beatles but also with the lingering aftermath of the war. And while pop music showed young Declan MacManus the possibility of transcendence (âBass and treble heal every hurt/Thereâs a rebel in a nylon shirtâ) and reinvention (âSo donât you weep and shed/Just change your name insteadâ), the collective past makes its presence felt in his own songs. In â45,â itâs an echo in the distance as he contemplates his mortality: âBells are chiming and tears are falling/It creeps up on you without a warning.â
Personal history and the other kind intertwine on When I Was Cruel until it becomes difficult to tell them apart. âTartâ opens with the words, âHear silver trumpets will trill in the Arabic streets of Seville,â an evocation of a fallen empire. Later there is a reference to the rationing of nylon during World War II, which led women to create tromp lâoeil stockings with make-up and eyebrow pencil: âNylon was hung from a peg/And a kohl black seam ran down her leg.â Despite these far-flung allusions, the feel of the song is intimate, sensual. Costello has described it as a reminder to himself not to give in to the dark side of his nature (âit was so much easier/when I was cruelâ). So, beneath the impressionistic imagery, a familiar story. Havenât we all tried to buck ourselves up by thinking about how bad people had it âback thenâ?
(âMy Little Blue Window,â one of Costelloâs few unambiguous love songs, uses more straightforward language to explore similar psychological terrain. In this case, the job of bolstering his spirits falls to his companion: âMy lovely hooligan/Come by and smash my pane/'Til I can see right through/My little blue window.â)
âDust 2âŠ,â offers no such consolation. âCould I spit out the truth/Or would you rather just swallow a lie?â Costello asks but doesnât wait for an answer. His lens never stops roving, abruptly jumping from panoramic view to extreme close-up. In observing the dust caught âbeneath the marble fingernails of kings and saints,â he captures both the veneration and eventual neglect of all historyâs great men. A snippet of sexual tension (âAnd then she caught you staring/She knows what you're thinkingâ) turns out to be just a fleeting moment of privacy before the outside world comes crashing in:
âHere comes the juggernaut Here come The Poisoners They choke the life and land And rob the joy from us Why do they taste of sugar? Oh, when they're made of money Here come the Lamb of God And the butcher's boy, Sonnyâ
This disturbing verse carries over from âDust 2âŠâ to ââŠDustâ (or is it vice versa?). Here, individual destiny and the larger forces of history are no longer even nominally distinct. People are reduced to either casualties (âWhy did they dam the land?/How did they flood the plain?â) or collaborators (âYou kept your mouth well shut/Appeared to turn your coat/Now there's a name for you but it's stuck in my throatâ). Costello ends the song by acknowledging the limits of the transcendence he celebrates in â45â:
âIf dust could only gather in the needle track Then it would skip a beat and it would jump right back If dust could only gather in a needle track Then it would skip a beat And all the sense I lackâ
We lack the sense, the perspective really, to divine our place in the grand scheme. A love affair can feel as momentous as war. This breakdown in perspective becomes a kind of delirium in â15 Petals,â the albumâs most powerful song. âI love you twisted/And I love you straight,â the singer tells the woman he is no longer with.
âI'd write it down but I can't concentrate Words won't obey they do as the please And all I am left with are these 15 petals One for every year I spent with youâŠâ It bears noting that Costello had been married to Cait OâRiordan for about fifteen years at the time When I Was Cruel came out, and while the album (like many before it) is dedicated to her, they would divorce that same year. But â15 Petalsâ refuses to confine itself to the dimensions of gossip (âwords wonât obey meâŠâ). Itâs a cracked kaleidoscope, shards of narrative and imagery catching the light for a moment before spinning away again: âDown in the tavern with Mary and JoeâŠMussolini highway/Thereâs a frankincense treeâŠâ The song ends with the lines, âEin Panzer Kommander with no hair in place/The crooked battalion drilled holes in the square.â The Prince of Peace is born, peace is shattered by madmen. A marriage dies, an ex-husband pines for âuseless battles Iâll never startââaround and around we go. The music is an uncanny personification of the mayhem in the lyrics. Acoustic and electric guitar, bass, and percussion (possibly a loop?) lock into a circular pattern; a horn section made up of members of The Jazz Passengers and The Mingus Big Band (both past Costello collaborators) stab through the mix with bleating, staccato commentary. The charts for 1983âs Punch the Clock, Costelloâs earlier experiment with horns, sound cutesy by comparison. Iâve quoted and parsed the lyrics of When I Was Cruel at great length both because I believe they reward such close attention and because, as far as I know, no one has bothered to do it before. But up to this point Iâve neglected to mention that the album sounds incredible. Until When I Was Cruel, Costello had worked almost exclusively with big-name producers: Nick Lowe, country legend Billy Sherrill, Beatles engineer Geoff Emerick, British hitmakers Langer & Winstanley, New Orleans legend Allen Toussaint, roots-rock illuminati T-Bone Burnett, go-to '90s soundscaper Mitchell Froom, easy listening legend Burt Bacharach. The trio that joined Costello under the Imposter alias for Cruel have comparatively few credits to their names (the highlight of their resumes is probably some work as assistant engineers for fellow Irishmen Van Morrison and U2). And yet they helped him achieve what may just be his most fully realized sound. As Costello tells it, while on his way to a Lucinda Williams concert in New Jersey, he saw a 15-watt Sears Robuck amplifier in a shop window, and, âit just sort of spoke to me, and said, âBuy me, I am the sound of your next record.ââ Iâm no gearhead, so Iâm not sure where the sound of that amplifier fits into the aesthetic of the album, but Costello and his production partners do at times flirt with a tinny quality; you can hear it in the unaccompanied electric guitar that opens the album and the shrill organ that rises to the top of the mix once the band kicks in. Far more striking is the influence of hip-hop and contemporary R&B. In the same interview in which he mentions the Sears Robuck amp, Costello namechecks Timbaland and El-P. âSpooky Girlfriendâ was written with Destinyâs Child in mind, an obvious inspiration once itâs pointed out, which, in typical Costello fashion, he was quick to do in other interviews promoting the album. He even thanks Def Jam mogul Lyor Cohen in the liner notes. Costello has earned a reputation as an uncanny mimic; he can write a country weeper thatâs a dead ringer for a George Jones classic or a torch song that sounds just right coming from Chet Baker. But on When I Was Cruel, he sublimates his sonic reference points into a style of rock and roll that is uniquely his. Unlike Lou Reed, he knows better than to stake a claim to rap music by spitting bars over a drum machine (RIP, Lou). And unlike Steve Earle, he understands thereâs nothing intrinsically fresh about turntable beats and wicky-wicky scratches (love you, Steve!). What jumps out at you on first listen is that the album is thick with bass. Attractions bassist and Costello antagonist Bruce Thomas was known for his melodic approach, often playing intricate figures high up on the neck (this is not an original insightâI seem to recall Costello pointing this out somewhere or other). When I Was Cruel was Costelloâs first rock album after the definitive dissolution of The Attractions, and you get the sense he felt liberated; the songs take full advantage of Davey Faragherâs meatier attack. (Tom Waits once described Faragher as âa gorilla of groove.â) Other emblematic touches: the skittering dub effect (phased guitar?) in the intro to âAlibiâ; the way the piano and drums in âTartâ go from elegant and spare to thrashing and stark and back again, as if two different versions of the song have been roughly collaged together; the sample that drives the title track, a first for Costello. Itâs a single syllable (âunâ) taken from an Italian pop record OâRiordan played him, and it melds with a heavy looped beat, whispers of vibraphone, and James Bond guitar to create a languorous atmosphere unlike anything else heâs done. My favorite musical moment on the album, other than â15 Petalsââ feral horns, is a subtle bit of singing right at the very end. The voice we hear in âRadio Silenceâ belongs to a more tragic variation on the self-involved loser who appears throughout the album. Heâs barricaded himself in a talk radio station and is threatening to commit suicide live on air; itâs unclear if heâs a listener driven to the brink by the histrionics the medium is known forâor the host, coming to grips with the toxic influence of his own vocation (âit was so much easier/when I was cruelâ). In any case, he has an announcement to make:
âFrom this distance itâs hard to tell the difference Between a king and a jack And a poet and a hack Maintaining radio silence from now onâ Costello is one of the only rockers whose range and power as a singer seem to have grown over the years. Consequently, heâs become a bit of a belter in middle age. (Heâs in full cabaret mode in the previous song, âEpisode of Blonde.â) But he treats these wordsâthe albumâs lastâdelicately, with a sense of resignation shading into tenderness. The sound coming from the radio is of a man who has dropped his alibis. He is, as Pema Chodron might put it, in a groundless state. Society is too frenzied and vacuous to recognize his worth, and from within his own unfinished life, he canât see himself either. Is he a king or a commoner, a maker of history, or a victim of it? We invent stories to answer these questions, but when our stories fail us, the only thing left to do is stop telling them. There is a more mundane gloss on the song, as well: If memory serves, Costello performed â45â on The Tonight Show before When I Was Cruel was even announced, and in his couch chat with Jay Leno, he hinted at retirement. When I first played âRadio Silence,â I was convinced it was the last Iâd hear from him. I took it as a kind of sequel to 1978âs âRadio Radio,â another plaint in which the industry heâs devoted his life to is nothing but an agent of conformity and mediocrity. Back then, he was a young man, raring to âbite the hand that feeds meâ; this time, he was giving up with a sigh. I still suspect this was at least a part of what was on Costelloâs mind when he wrote and recorded âRadio Silence.â But itâs also clear to me, clearer now that Iâve written this essay, that the song is connected to a set of concerns that Costello has explored in all his work, never more deeply than on When I Was Cruel. If he did intend the song as a definitive, however veiled, statement about his future, then he ignored the truth in the messy fictions his characters inhabit: We can never know for certain what life has in store for us. Case in point: Costelloâs retirement didnât take. Though he still periodically threatens to give up recording, heâs released seven studio albums since When I Was Cruel. The first of these, North, chronicles the end of his relationship with OâRiordan andâsurprise!â the beginning of a new love affair with the jazz chanteuse Diana Krall, who would become his third wife and the mother of his twin sons. He even hosted two seasons of a TV talk show, a turn of events I for one didnât see coming. Later this year, Iâll get another crack at introducing my son to the artist who has been such a constant presence in my life. Costello and Krall will be playing the parents in Pete the Cat, a new animated show based on Theoâs favorite books. Theo is two now, and heâs already lived through four bomb threats at his daycare center. These are the most troubled and troubling times Iâve known (âhere come The Poisonersâ). I can only hope the worst has passed before heâs old enough to remember. In the meantime, I find nourishment, if not comfort, in When I Was Cruelâs harsh but lucid vision. Iâm approaching middle age and there are dark clouds ahead, but if thereâs one thing this album still has to say to me after fifteen years, itâs that thereâs no going back.
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