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[furashuban]

MY HEAARTT 💙💙

sooo two days late here's my thing for @sketchbookweek Day 2 - Past/Future / Hilda

uhh this one is a fic, unfortunately for everyone. the fic part is. under the cut. I'm gonna go hide in my fridge now byeee

In which Hilda reflects on how life has changed since she left the wilderness.

———

The wilderness never seemed to change, when Hilda returned there. Sure, new plants sprung up and new creatures made their homes there, it was one mountain short and a few woodland paths had become overgrown in her absence (which made trekking through them more fun, actually), but everything that mattered was still there.

The trees cast dappled patterns on the ground the way she remembered as she made her way underneath them. The grass felt the same underfoot, just like when she’d walked these paths as a child, even after all these years. There was the same gentle breeze rustling her jacket and catching in her hair, the same sense of peace that settled in her soul, that told her she was back where she belonged.

It was all just as it had been the day she left. Well, except for one thing - 

“You’re it!”

Hilda jumped as something small and pink crashed into the back of her leg, slightly knocking her off-balance. Before she could react, her little sister bounded away from her, taking off up the forest path.

“Wha - hey!” Hilda called after her with mock-indignation, while Mattie ran further up the trail, giggling gleefully.

“You can’t catch meeee!”

Hilda grinned. “Oh, it’s on,” she said, getting ready to break into a run. Before she could move, she heard Mum’s voice ring out behind her.

“Hilda, just don’t go too far, okay?” She called, making Hilda turn her head. She and Kaisa were standing at a fork in the path several yards back, but in the quiet of the forest, her voice carried easily. “We’re going to find somewhere to set up the picnic.”

Beside her, Kaisa shifted the picnic basket she was carrying in her arms, watching Mattie ping-pong around the woods with an amused expression.

“You know you’re about to be outrun by a six-year-old,” she pointed out helpfully.

Hilda stuck her tongue out at her.

“Yeah, we won’t go too far,” she called back to Mum, turning on her heel and locking eyes with the six-year-old in question.

Mattie, who seemed to have come to a stop while the others were talking, shrieked in delight and took off running. Hilda shook her head fondly. Maybe being in the wilderness really was doing some good for her. They hadn’t been able to play like this back at home. 

“Hey, wait up!” She called, running after her.

Mattie pivoted on her toe and fixed her with a grin.

“Nope!”

Hilda wasn’t sure what else she had been expecting, really.

She ran after her at a leisurely pace - making sure to stay just slow enough to let Mattie get a decent lead - watching as the girl ducked in and out of bushes and getting the odd spike in heart-rate as she tripped over a tree root and righted herself at the last second, only to take off again. She’d gotten quite far ahead now, to the point she was barely visible through the expanse of trees. It wasn’t as if Hilda had to worry about losing her, anyway, not with her high-pitched giggles carrying through the trees like some kind of sonar. That child couldn’t be stealthy to save her life.

Until Mattie ducked out of sight, and the laughter stopped.

Hilda came to a stop for a moment, feeling the silence grow uncomfortably heavy.

“Mattie?” She called out, to no reply. 

Cautiously, Hilda picked up the pace, pushing past the now thinning-out trees. She knew from experience that there was nothing dangerous - or at least, nothing that dangerous - out here, but this felt off, to say the least. Laughter and shouting she could deal with, but as far as she could remember, “quiet” was not a word that ever appeared next to Mattie in a sentence.

Turning the corner though, she could suddenly see why. Instinctively Hilda slowed to a halt.

Of course. Of course it was here.

Up ahead of her, where the trees thinned out, was the Northern Elf County. And just behind it, even more tattered and broken than she remembered, lay her old house.

The wilderness had almost fully reclaimed it now. Moss and lichen covered every inch of the decaying boards, the remaining wreckage of pipes and wood sunken into the earth. Weeds had sprung up around it, including a blue nettle which had woven itself through the debris like a fine thread. If it hadn’t been hers, she might not have known it used to be a house at all.

Just in front of it stood the small form of her sister, seemingly locked in place. Hilda watched as she stood there a moment, not moving an inch. Then, slowly, Mattie turned her head to look back at her, a slightly fearful look in her eyes.

“Oh - oh,” Hilda hastily closed the gap between them, putting an arm around her sister, which the child promptly latched onto. “Hey, it’s okay!” She said quickly. “It’s not scary.” She smiled at her reassuringly, knowing Mattie wouldn’t fear it if she didn’t. “This is just my old house.”

Still clutching her sleeve, Mattie blinked, the frightened look in her eyes melting into something resembling curiosity. She looked between Hilda and the ruins, a tiny crease forming on her brow. Then - 

“It’s quite small,” she said quietly.

Hilda snorted.

“It was bigger when I lived in it,” she replied, dropping down roughly onto the grass. Though she still looked unsure, Mattie followed suit, crossing her legs under herself while maintaining a grip on her sister’s arm.

“It used to be a little cabin,” Hilda explained. “Our great-grandad built it. It’s where me and Mum lived before we moved to Trolberg.”

��…Oh,” Mattie replied, looking again at the heap. Her grip on the sleeve had relaxed, and Hilda exhaled in relief. It was a good sign Mattie was speaking a bit more, even if a little confused-sounding. Now she thought of it, Hilda wasn’t entirely sure she’d talked about her old life to her little sister before. It had all been over long before she had been born, after all.

Beside her, Mattie tilted back on the grass, staring at the ruins as if trying to picture them as something other than wreckage and moss. But she looked more curious than confused now.

“Did you like it there?” She asked.

Hilda followed her sister’s eye-line to the wreckage, and sighed. “Yeah. Yeah, I did.”

She sat back on her hands, the grass soft under her fingers, and lifted her gaze to the horizon that was so achingly familiar.

“We always had the best view of the woff-migration,” she said, noticing with a smile how her sister perked up immediately (and making a small mental note to find a good spot for woff-watching later). “And it was always so peaceful out here. It felt like it was just me and Mum and Twig in the whole world.”

“Why did you leave then?”

“Oh, um,” Hilda paused for a moment, wondering if this was straying into too-scary-for-a-six-year-old territory. “Well…” she hazarded, “... a giant kind of trod on our house. Accidentally,” she said. “It was sort of my fault, I was trying to help him find someone - that sort of thing doesn’t happen anymore, though,” she added quickly, seeing her sister’s eyes had gone wide.

To her relief though, her words didn’t seem to have the impact she’d feared. After a moment Mattie just hummed thoughtfully, turning back to the cabin remains.

“That’s sad,” she said quietly.

Hilda hummed softly, watching the spot on the horizon that had once been hidden behind the cabin roof.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Yeah, I was pretty sad about it for a while.”

A stray breeze ruffled the grass around them, making the blue nettle sway. If she squinted she could almost still see what it had looked like before, the patches of warm amber light that shone from the windows at night and the spot where Twig would curl up by the fire. They were probably sitting right where she’d met a troll for the first time.

Beside her, Mattie shifted slightly, bringing her swiftly back to reality.

“Oh, but  - I mean - it wasn’t all bad,” Hilda added quickly, wondering if this might also be a bit much for a six-year-old. “I still got to go on adventures. And I got to meet Frida and David, and Tontu and..”

Hilda trailed off, lost in thought. Now she thought about it, so much of the life she knew now had only come after they moved.

In the wilderness it had just been her and Mum and Twig, and she had never wanted - never even contemplated - anything more. But from there her family had only grown. First with Alfur, then Tontu and…then Kaisa, and sometime later down the line, Mattie too. Somehow, despite spending her life bringing home all manner of strange creatures to join the household, that had been the biggest surprise. Not just the slightly scary witch from the library coming to live with them (which, yeah, to begin with had felt kind of weird), but how much things had changed with her.

It had taken a while, of missing the wilderness and feeling awkward about all the changes going on, but before long she’d had to admit that life was better with this new family in it.

Little moments were coming back to her, as she sat there in the grass in the afternoon sun - Mattie had gotten bored and got up to investigate the elf village by this point, tip-toeing around the tiny houses with the utmost care - not moments from her life in the cabin, but what had come since. What couldn’t have been if they’d stayed.

…Struggling through homework at the kitchen table last thing on a Sunday night with Kaisa (in theory helping but usually just joining her in staring at her textbook in despair). Forlornly muttering something along the lines of not being smart enough for this, only for Kaisa to take her head out of her hands to look at her with a glare that could bore through steel.

“Hildie. I studied advanced transmutation magic to the nineteenth level and I have never in my life seen something as fucking complicated as this,” she deadpanned, while Hilda subsided into giggles. “Seriously. I’m going to hex your maths teacher.”

…Sometime after they had returned from the Fairy Isle, standing at the doorway of the flat, open-mouthed, watching as Mum reached for a book off the high shelf with her feet not quite touching the floor. Opening her mouth to call out in excitement before feeling a gentle tap on her shoulder.

“You know she’ll only worry that other people might see,” Kaisa whispered, having somehow silently appeared beside her. Kaisa turned her gaze back to Mum, a loving look in her eyes, and Hilda had the distinct impression that she hadn’t been the first to notice.

“Let’s just let her have this, for now.”

…A year before that, hovering uncertainly by her parents' bedroom door, the morning after they had left for the hospital, excited and a bit scared and a well of emotions stirring in her chest. Mum and Kaisa calling her in with hushed voices and her climbing onto the bed in the early morning sun, cuddling up to them and the bundle in their arms and being assured that everything was fine, Mum was fine, and “Why don’t you say hello?” and… everything stopping as she laid eyes on her sister for the very first time. 

Coming back to the present moment, Hilda watched as her now more grown sister cautiously approached the blue nettle and very gently ran a finger over its petals. How strange that something beautiful could grow out of so much loss.

After a moment of inspecting the nettle, Mattie turned back to Hilda and pointed at it excitedly.

“Hildie! There’s a blue nettle!” She called.

“Oh wow, really?” Hilda called back in feigned surprise. “Is that good?”

“Yep!” Seemingly satisfied with what she’d found, Mattie started making her way back towards her, carefully dodging the elf houses as she went.

“Tildy says they’re good for magic, but I didn’t want to take it because…” She paused as she stepped over the final elf house, teetering a little as she cleared it. “...Because there’s only one and the elves might like it being there.”

Briefly Hilda remembered the last time she had tried to take a plant from an elf settlement without permission, and had to agree.

“Yeah, I think that was a nice thing to do,” she told her. Mattie smiled, then plonked herself down by Hilda’s side again.

“So…” Hilda said, once her sister was settled. She nodded her head towards the ruins. “Not scary?”

“Nope, not scary,” Mattie replied, a hint of pride in her voice. “I bet it was nice there. Blue nettles only grow in nice places.” She was quiet for a moment, then - 

Hilda felt the familiar weight of her sister leaning into her arm.

“Sorry your house got stepped on, Hildie” Mattie said softly. “ ’Specially after you were nice to the giant. It’s not fair.”

“Aw, Mattie,” Hilda smiled, wrapping an arm around her little sister and pulling her to her side. Mattie snuggled in, contentedly burying her cheek in Hilda’s jacket. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it.”

She turned to look at the girl beside her, all bright eyes and a curious smile. It was hard to believe she’d had a life before where she wasn’t in it.

“You know…”

Hilda lifted her gaze, laying eyes on her old house and, for the first time, feeling something other than mourning. Something much warmer and kinder, and unshakingly certain.

“I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

[redleavesinthewind]

ELLIOT HI. I WATCHED EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE............... IM so shaken I nearly cried 3 times and fully cried once. everything about it was just perfect so perfect everything I love about art and movies and people and life was shoved into this one delicious beautiful genius movie and I already want to immediately rewatch it . I don't know how to go forward after watching it I want to go frolicking in a field and I want to kiss a thousand people and bake cookies and learn a martial art and go swimming in the February sea......... so crazy it was so wonderful it was everything everyone said it would be and more. Crazy. okay ill try not to go insane in your inbox from movie induced epiphanies but yeah basically I'm so glad I finally watched it it was literally. So wonderful

ETHAN HI NO PLEASE GO INSANE IN MY INBOX ABOUT THIS MOVIE i genuinely love it so much and i am soooo happy that you love it too! yes this movie makes me cry every single time, i saw it the first time in a super small movie theatre with my two best friends and we were SOBBING in the back corner while everyone else seemed totally fine about it but okay maybe it is because all three of us have mommy issues but eh it was just, that movie is just so. I MEAN WHEN JOBU TUPAKI READIES HERSELF TO FIGHT BUT EVELYN OPENS HER ARMS TO HUG HER WHO WOULDN'T CRY AT THAT HELLO anyway i am normal about this movie (i am not) my friends and i spent like fifteen minutes after watching it the cinema's bathroom trying to compose ourselves we were fine.

anyway i am so happy you've seen it and can also revel in the joy (hehe) of that movie. i hope you to are not normal about bagels anymore. i hope you too were amazed at all the colours and the unique humour and different universes and the epic fight scenes. i will learn martial arts with you together i have an urge and i will join you to the beach and hold out so many towels when you return from the freezing february sea ily <33

[emotionalcello-makefanfics]

Disclaimer tho, all my knowledge of the fandom is strictly from fanfic and google. I don't read the comic or watch the anime. I only have some vague knowledge of what's canon or not and making this fanfic has been somewhat of a fever dream.

Tags: Fluff and angst. Attempt at humor. Crying. Probably ooc. No smut, just holding hands and some hugging and some kissing. Shouto smokes, and probably incorrect depictions of smoking. Implied child abuse (you know who). Lowkey Fuyumi bashing.

Warning: In character cussing from explodo boy. 

Summary:

They found each other in coinciding vulnerability. Shouto was smoking, Katsuki was crying. Miraculously, no one died. It seems that vulnerability is exactly what they need to get through their respective problems, because vulnerability makes them do the one thing the two boys are allergic to do, opening up.

Or, Shouto and Katsuki cope with each other. It miraculously didn't end in explosions, just a lot of physical affections and crying.

Words: 10.9 k

 You don’t have to take life so seriously Shouto! It can be whatever you want to be, it’s yours!

Shouto knocks his head back and parts his lips. White ribbons bleed to the orange sky. The clouds are pretty pink instead of white. The smoke doesn’t blend in with the white clouds anymore like a few hours ago. He taps the amber ash on the portable coffin-shaped ashtray. More than a dozen filter buds crammed there.

He should go back to his room. Any darker then it would be noticeable when goes back to his room. But there’s always that small whisper at the back of his head: Maybe after one more. This spot has been his salvation from overstimulation. It’s the highest building in UA, the rooftop of the dorm. He’s been here for two years and has always been alone.

The door slammed open.

High on nicotine, Shouto passes through shock to immediate acceptance that he’s busted.

Only, he’s not busted. The next sound that came is sobbing. The first thing he sees is awry blond hair and a tear-streaked red face. Soon came the already red blood-shot eyes, staring at him with a sadness that not even in Shouto’s wildest imagination can imagine on Bakugou’s face. It takes a few seconds too long for the default glare and anger to return.

“The fuck are you doing here!” He yells, his voice croaks in a not angry way. Wet and breaking at the pitch.

Shouto, still a bit floaty and relaxed from the nicotine in his system, nor is he yet to register the shock from seeing Bakugou’s tears, just points down towards his fingers.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” his voice is scratchy, a tad bit deeper. He never smoked so many that that happened. Then again, today is a special day.

Seemingly just as shocked, Bakugou seems to still. Shouto expects crackling hands, bared teeth, or maybe a ‘TELL ANYONE AND DIE’, but never that he strides his way and sits on the floor beside Shouto.

“Still have one of those?” Bakugou leans back.

Wordlessly, Shouto digs the last pack from his pocket. There are six left. Bakugou takes one, and Shouto lit a fire on the tip of his thumb towards Bakugou.

“How do you do this?” Bakugou says, eyeing the fire.

“You’ve never done this before?”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I have Icyhot! Now fucking tell me already.”

“You put it between your lips, and inhales a bit as you put this corner on the fire.” Shouto crowds him cupping the end of the smoke with his palm and keep the fire controllably small. It feels like Deja Vu, but this time, Shouto is showing someone how to smoke instead.

Bakugou tries, and before Shouto can say to take it slow, Bakugou already choked and doubled over coughing. Shouto pats his back.

“What the fuck was that!” Bakugou roars and grimaces when he sees the stacks of cigarette buds on his ashtray. “How the fuck do you smoke that many!”

Shouto shrugged, “I’m used to it.” He puts out his bud on top of the pile and picks up the mostly one-piece cigarette that Bakugou chucked to the floor and lights it up. He feels eyes on him as he put the filter on his lips and lit it up in one smooth move.

With the cigarette properly lit, he offered, “Wanna try again?”

“No! That shit’s nasty.” Bakugou snarled at the hand holding the smoking cig.

“Suit yourself,” Shouto takes a deep drag and sighs. Surprisingly, Bakugou doesn’t up and leave, and more so that Shouto doesn’t mind the silence.

Alas, it only lasted exactly 33 seconds.

“How the fuck did you get in here!” Bakugou grumbles, “The door was locked.”

“I made ice stairs from my balcony.”

“Like how Elsa did?”

“Exactly like Elsa did, she was my inspiration.”

Bakugou snorts. No sadness left, just a condescending smile, which is better than the ghostly tears in his eyes.

“How did you get in through the locked door?”

“How else would you think?” Bakugou lifts his hand, cradling a small cluster of explosions.

Shouto face palmed, dragging it down.

“What?” Bakugou barks.

“Well when they figured out the door broke then they gonna figure out that someone’s been here, don’t they?”

“That nicotine is already killing your fucking brain cells.”

“That’s not how it’s-”

“Let’s get the fuck outta here before anyone finds us you loon.”

“But I-”

“You’ve burned through enough death sticks, let’s go!” Bakugou grabs his hand and pulls him up.

“Fine fine, let me tidy up.” Shouto could barely close his ashtray with all the buds in it, and he dusted the ashes that drops to the floor.

Shouto already makes the stairs down to his room before looking back at Bakugou, “Want me to drop you to your balcony?”

“I don’t know,” Bakugou narrows his eyes dangerously, “Will it suddenly melts away as I walk on it?”

Shouto huffs, “You have no faith in your favorite sparring partner?”

“The only thing I learned these past couple of years with you being shoved at my face as my sparring partner is that you’re a little shithead.”

Shouto makes the stairs towards Bakugou’s room first, reveling in how badly Bakugou tried to cover his amazement at the stairs.

“Just like Elsa’s, right?”

“You want me to give you Elsa’s number 1 simp trophy?”

Shouto melts Bakugou’s step and lets him fall blond head first into his balcony.

“YOU’LL FUCKING PAY FOR THAT, COCA-COLA SHITHEAD!”

Bakugou roars, and Shouto giggles as he jumps upstairs to his room with explosions fading behind him.

Not until he’s laying in bed that night that he thinks about Bakugou’s tears again. Rest assured, his imagination spiraled to ‘what could it be’ until 4 am.

  ++++

 I don’t understand why your dad wants you to be number one when he should’ve want you to just be happy. Nothing in life really matters unless you’re happy.

Shouto loves everything about living in the dorm, but it has one and only one weakness. He can’t smoke as freely.

His dad knows and just rant about how it’ll affect his performance.

Now, Aizawa knows, and he’s at the principal’s office.

Shouto instantly knows how. Bakugou broke the rooftop door. Iida must’ve found it, reported it to Aizawa-sensei. Maybe his homeroom teacher has magnifying vision too because Shouto could’ve sworn he left no trace.

Yet Shouto can’t find it in him to blame anyone. He knows as an aspiring hero he shouldn’t smoke, those reasons never matter at those desperate times he needed to smoke.

“Tea?” Nezu raises his pot of pink teapot, Shouto narrows his eyes at the paw (how did that paw hold the teacup?)

“Yes, thank you.” The cup is equally pink, with two cheerful yellow flowers on each side. This looks like a tea set Eri had.

Shouto sips the possibly herbal tea, trying to ignore the glare Aizawa-sensei is sending his way from beside Nezu.

“Todoroki, how long have you been smoking?” His sensei’s voice gravels, like he just woke up from bed, his bed hair supports the theory.

Apparently  a little mental, Shouto said, “Overall or in school?”

“Both.”

“Started when I was in first-grade junior high school.” As soon as he has any time away from home. “In UA, as soon as I stayed at the dorm.”

“Now, Todoroki,” Nezu put his paws together, “You know someone as young as you shouldn’t smoke. You’re underage, and an aspiring hero on top of that...”

Nezu then continues his PSA on smoking. Nothing Shouto hasn’t heard. Every word goes in the left ear and came out the right. He also isn’t surprised that Aizawa will be taking his stash of cigarettes. It doesn’t suck as much because Shouto doesn’t have a lot left anyway, nor is he been regularly smoking. He smokes when he’s stressed and nothing else could calm him down. He never reached out to the cigs first. The coffin-shaped portable ashtray reminded him that.

As soon as he’s back at the dorm, he’s greeted with a cheerful environment. Half his classmates are hanging in the living room. There’s a group playing Mario Party, a group that’s putting on nail art, and a group that seems to cook something ambitious. Shouto usually joins the group, but not today.

“Todoroki!” Iida comes from the hall, “Aizawa-Sensei came earlier and ran through your room! He seems to confiscate a pack of cigarettes. I’ve tried to tell him that it’s all a misunderstanding-”

“No, it’s mine.”

“Todoroki! At our young age as aspiring heroes we sho-”

“Nope, sorry not today Iida. Good night.”

Todoroki feels a few eyes on his back, but he walks on. With him naturally keeping things to himself, his friends tend to worry but they trust him to reach out to them in his own time. When it gets too long they usually check up on him. Shouto wished they never will.

 +++++ 

 You have the power to be whatever you want, but why are you following the wishes of someone you hate? I know he’s your dad, but your life is yours, Shouto.

Shouto’s wish didn’t come true when Bakugou bugs him on the rooftop again two days after he was raided.

It’s Deja Vu, but fewer tears from Bakugou and Shouto isn't a pack and a half deep in cigarettes.

“I fucking know you’d be at my spot again!” Bakugou spat scathingly.

“Excuse you,” Shouto scowls, “I’ve been smoking at this spot since the dorm opens. This is my spot.”

“Well, I’ve been- I’ve been-” Shouto should’ve known that Bakugou would turn red and explodes instead of admitting he’d been caught emoting, “What the fuck are you doing here anyway! You’re doing nothing!”

“No thanks to someone.”

Bakugou narrows his eyes, confused at the implication, but his exploding friend is smart, so he figured it out, and isn’t happy with what he figures out. “The fuck, get your accusing eyes away from me discount Sans, I don’t tattle.”

“No, but you exploded the door which leads to Iida reporting it, which leads to Aizawa inspecting the premises, and him figuring it out that smoked here.”

“That’s just your fucking fault for not covering your trace clean!”

Shouto inhaled indignantly, but then too tired to justify himself. There’s no ending of arguing with Bakugou, and Shouto had learned to choose his battles.

“How about you? How did you get in here?”

“Stole a key from Iida.”

“Are you here to cry again?”

Bakugou’s palms explode, his face an embarrassed flush and teeth bared in anger, “WHOS FUCKING CRYING!!?”

“I have eyes.”

“You’ve been sucking on those death sticks way too much.”

“I wasn’t smoking that type of substance.”

“Whatever, I’m not dealing with this,” Bakugou turns to step away.

“I don’t get it, it’s not a big deal!” Shouto raises his voice a bit, for some reason his heart rate picks up when Bakugou starts leaving. “So what if you sweat through your eyes? Midoriya does it almost every day, sometimes twice a day...”

“Don’t fucking compare me to fucking Deku you fucking fried ice cream!”

“...And Midoriya beat you at this year’s Sports Festival,” Shouto dismissed.

Bakugou grits his teeth, but his eyes watch over Shouto. “Stop stalling and tell me what you want from me,” Bakugou growls.

Shouto’s eyes widen at the sudden honesty, he nibbles on his bottom lips, “Stay here?”

For a second, Bakugou glares at him, but after two years of being his classmate, Shouto can confidently say that they’re friends. He knows Bakugou isn’t angry at him. As to prove his point, Bakugou sits beside him, a bit closer than Shouto expects him to, though still with that permanent scowl. Shouto moves his palms from his pocket, letting go of the aluminum ashtray. Shouto tests the waters and moves closer so their shoulder bumps. No explosions, no snarl, success.

Instantly, Shouto relaxes. Focusing on the pressure of their shoulders, the light shifts Bakugou does (because he can never fully stay still), and the clouds moving. No thought, just being alive.

Alas, no quiet ever lasted long with Bakugou, he expected it though.

“No wonder Aizawa figured it out, this place still stinks of tobacco.”

“It does?” Shouto takes a deep sniff, all he smells is Bakugou’s sweat that always smells sweet because of his quirk. “I didn’t smell anything.”

“Yeah no shit scar head, your nose is probably numb at this point.”

“I don’t smoke that much.”

“Said someone who smoked more than a dozen in one sitting,” Bakugou’s nags turns to worry, “Damn, was it really in one sitting?”

“Is that worry I detected?” Shouto deflects.

Bakugou grits his teeth, “I’m not worried! Go die off lung cancer I don’t fucking care!”

“Good, then, because yes it was, and there’s nothing wrong with it.”

“Fucking hell it’s not! What the actual fuck are your lungs made of? I barely suck it past my throat and I almost coughed out my insides.”

“I missed your dramatics,” Shouto says genuinely, and he waits for an explosion to come. Bakugou doesn’t do well with praises thinly veiled with snark.

It never came, Bakugou watches him closely instead, “Yeah? And who’s fault is that?”

Shouto dared to glare back, but it didn’t last long, he knows the answer. Shouto had come out of his shell nicely, as Momo had put it. He’s still awkward, can’t really quite grasp ‘pop culture’ and how to correctly implied it, but he regularly hangs out with his friends. As of late, he’s noticeably withdrawn. Going straight to his room after class, and opting out of game nights, nail nights, and even soba nights.

They had been giving him space, which he finds endearing. Of course, Bakugou isn’t one to give anything liberally.

“Mine...” Shouto admits, and Bakugou looks surprised.

The fun part of befriending Bakugou is that Shouto could be a bit of a bitch and Bakugou would be a bitch back, and it wouldn’t matter. No one’s feelings were hurt, and Shouto can let go of steam without guilt. Shouto could’ve been in denial, said that Bakugou should step off his dick and no feelings would be hurt.

But he had enough of space, though admittedly, he should’ve confessed that with someone that wants to be in his space.

“Finally, you’re done moping around, everyone’s been on my ass worrying about you.”

“Why would they be on your ass?”

“Hell would I know.”

“Was that the reason you cried?” Shouto is just teasing, but the grim in Bakugou’s face isn’t a familiar one.

“I told you that didn’t happen!” he growls lowly.

Shouto considers, clueless yet curious. “I’ll tell you about me if you told me about you.”

“Just because you’re vomiting your crisis that I didn’t ask for, doesn’t mean I’m obligated to do the same!”

“Okay, that’s fine too.”

“No, shut-”

“My mom and dad are getting back together.”

Bakugou’s expression mellows to confusion, “That sounds convoluted as hell. Didn’t they just got a divorce or something?”

“They never got a divorce. She’s just sent to a mental hospital and never came home, doesn’t mean the marriage is legally broken.”

The fact seems to sink slow with his explosive friend, “What the fuck.”

Shouto sighs, looking down his jittery hands, his mouth dries. “Last year when I visited my mom, we were talking about the future. She said she’d filed for a divorce, and I’d live with her.” Shouto feels oddly numb, but there’s this dull ache deep in his chest that’s constant. “I should’ve known. She said that before he ‘tried to change’... she said that when everything was still bad, she thought it still happened.”

“What still happened?” Bakugou sounds angry, but he always does.

“I got hurt a lot when I was a kid, because of training. She thought he still hurts me.”

He felt the shoulder beside him tensed. Beside Shouto’s jittery hands is Bakugou’s clenched shaking fist. Shouto looks up from their laps and finds that Bakugou’s face... an eerie stoic.

“Hmmm,” Bakugou hums, and a chill runs down his spine. “When did you start training by the way?” not even a curse in that sentence.

Shouto realizes then, this is Bakugou truly angry, even though Shouto can’t figure out why on earth would he be.

“The day after my quirk manifested.”

His childhood is unforgettable. The day his training starts with fear and pain, then ends with exhaustion and anger. The day Touya never came back, the day his mom left, the longing stare towards the backyard wanting to play with his brother and sister. He remembers it all, like a tattoo in his memory.

“We been knew that Endeavor was an ass but I didn’t know he’s a fucking child abuser.”

The words snap him away from his musing. This time, Bakugou looks angry angry. Teeth-gritting, scowling, boiling anger.

Oh, that’s why he’s angry.

“It was training.”

“Not at five fucking years old you e-boy himbo!” Bakugou barks.

“That’s new, what’s a himbo?”

“Not the fucking point!” Bakugou takes his shoulder away, and suddenly Shouto feels cold. Then he’s held by his shoulders, pinned by sharp maroon eyes, and the lack of warmth turns cold when a growl says, “You’re telling me that your dad’s been abusing you, and no one stopped him? And he’s fucking getting away with it??”

There are so many things wrong with that question and implied statement. One is that it was not abuse. Two is that no one could’ve stopped the then number two hero. Three is that Shouto didn’t tell him any of that but Bakugou assumed anyway.

Shouto doesn’t get to say all of it as Bakugou lets go of him and takes deep breaths. Bakugou pinched the bridge of his nose, seemingly displeased at what he’s thinking.

“Why did you think your mom wants to get back together with your dad?”

Shouto feels relieved now they’re back on topic, “I don’t know. It feels like one moment she’s afraid of him, and now she wants to be with him again. I guess... he did ‘try to be better’. Everyone else seems to forgive him, but I can’t.”

Then Bakugou does something that he didn’t expect, he defends them, “I mean... He’s not that much of a dick now, right? He’s a dick but he was pretty alright when we have a work-study at his agency. And your mom’s better, so maybe they could make it work?”

Shouto knows it’s technically true, but displeasure clawed him still, his blood boiling.

“I don’t care whether it works! I hated that she forgives him so easily!” Shouto shouts.

“Well, that’s selfish of you, isn’t it! It’s her decision, not yours!” Bakugou barks back.

“What the fuck do you know about it?” Shouto spats, he stands up, “They’re going to destroy each other, and what then? Do they want me to just look at their trainwreck while they insist everything is okay? No! I’m not going through that again!”

“You’re just not trusting your mom! Things changed!” Bakugou stands up too, he looks exceptionally angrier than ever.

“No, I don’t. Especially after she said she wanted to get a divorce with him then changing her mind only a year later. Of course, I don’t trust her!”

“But isn’t it better to have both your parents together?”

“No, it doesn’t especially when she’s not happy!”

Bakugou doesn’t bark back, and Shouto only realized how Bakugou’s question was laced with a cracked voice. Shouto looks, only partially surprised that the eyes that look back thinly veiled with tears. The heat in his bloodstream wanes out, more worried/horrified that Bakugou is now openly crying.

This is the worst. Both of them are socially awkward lone wolves that have no idea how and what to do with emotions. So, Shouto does his #best.

“You can tell me.”

Bakugouu glares. Okay, so maybe Shouto’s #best isn’t what he needs.

“Only if you want, if you don’t then it’s okay too.”

“Shut the fuck up, thermostat.”

What else do you do when someone cried? Shouto racks his memories of times when he was crying a lot when he was little, trying to find examples he could follow. He remembers his mom.

“Come here.”

“The fuck are you trying to-”

Shouto cuts him off with a hug. It’s as awkward as it comes. Shouto has his arms around the broad shoulders, his chin hooked on the right side. Shouto doesn’t know how tight he should hug, but it’s enough to press their chest together. Then one of his arms, the left one, rubs Bakugou’s back, emitting a slight warmth. In two languid swipes, Bakugou’s tenseness bleeds slowly.

“I don’t know what’s wrong,” Shouto says, mimicking what his mom had said once upon a time when he’s upset. “But it’ll be okay. Maybe it’ll take a long time, or it’ll be really hard, but you...” have me, you don’t have to deal with everything alone, was what his mom finished with. He doesn’t know if Bakugou would see him as reliable, but Fuyumi had said that intentions are the most important. “You have your friends, and you have me. I don’t know what will help, but I’ll do it if you asked.”

Shouto surprised himself that he means it. When he encounters an emotionally fragile situation, he usually gets Midoriya, or Urakara, or Momo to handle the situation. With Bakugou however...seeing that his usually prickly friend tipping at the edge like this, Shouto felt like he wants to help. Perhaps it was the camaraderie of the S.S. Emotional Constipation that makes him reach out his personal hand towards Bakugou.

Shouto found another surprise when Bakugou hugs him back, his spiky blond head tucked at the crook of his neck. Shouto also didn’t expect the reflex tears pooling in his eyes at the feeling of tightening arms around his torso. He’s being held, tight and needy. When was the last time he’s held like this? Tears pours without his will when he realized the last time someone hugged him was Touya as Dabi when he was about to burn himself along with Shouto.

They stay there on the rooftop just holding each other as if they’ll fall apart if they don't. When Bakugou lets go, his eyes are even redder than it already is. When those red eyes look up, he noticed the tear streak down Shouto’s face and doesn’t comment about it.

Instead, Bakugou says, “My parents are splitting up.”

Shouto says nothing, only to pull him in his arms again.

They say nothing else as they sit at the same spot on the concrete floor leaning on each other, hand in hand. Shouto instinctually teared up again when he remembered the last time someone holds his hand was his mom as she walked him to a park, all those years ago. Other than that, it was for survival and fighting.

Bakugou leans his head on Shouto’s shoulder first, Shouto says nothing about it. He then leans his face on top of Bakugou’s hair, it feels like a bed of grass, Bakugou says nothing about it too. Shouto realizes that Bakugou can be vulnerable as long as no one points it out. Being untalkative, Shouto can do just that.

The future is scary, especially when their supposed foundation is changing. Bakugou’s foundations are breaking apart, while Shouto had grown accustomed to the torn apart pieces now move together crossing fingers that they fit.

But the future is for tomorrow. The changes are not theirs to make. All they can do now is hold themselves together as everything changes, hoping they don’t break in the process.

Eventually, nightfalls, but none of them moved. Shouto suspects that Bakugou might be sleeping on him.

It’s a suspicion no more when Aizawa found them there, and Bakugou doesn’t stir from being found. Those tired eyes already look exasperated as he finds Shouto’s tear-streaked eyes looking back.

Aizawa sighs, “Is it life-threatening ?”

Shouto knows that the teacher is prone to worries despite his appearance. Their stumble at first year seems to scar him and made him extra vigilant with his students ever since.

“There’s nothing we could do about it,” Shouto says, which is true, but seemingly a wrong thing to say.

“That doesn’t answer my question, trouble child.” Aizawa scowls, which means his worry cranked up to max. “Are the both of you facing a problem that harms you, or threatening your life?”

“It’s nothing like that,” says the bundle of blond in his shoulder. Bakugou sits up and stretches, yawning so big his jaw seems to unhinge a bit. He doesn’t look angry, just tired. “It’s family drama, you know how it is.”

“Is it really just drama?” Aizawa squints at Bakugou, too knowing for someone without a mind-reading quirk.

Bakugou looks at Shouto, searching and prodding. Shouto doesn’t understand what he could be looking for, or what he wants. Bakugou just sighs, “Yeah, just drama.”

Aizawa looks at Shouto too and softens. “If you two need to cuddle you can just do it in your respective room.”

“Nah, too many nosy people.” Bakugou starts to leave.

Shouto follows with a “Good night Sensei.”

Aizawa grunts.

“We can use my Elsa stairs,” Shouto pipes in as he walks alongside him.

Bakugou looks at him and huffs, “Turns out you’re not a himbo after all.”

Since Bakugou won't tell him, Shouto looks up ‘himbo’ himself. This raises a lot of questions about how Bakugou has been seeing him, but Shouto decides that he’d be offended by it.

  ++++++

 You could still be lonely even though you have tons of sibling, or even when they really love you. I guess they just don’t know how to show us they love us.

He really should’ve known. He really should’ve fucking known.

The thought spins in his head as he smoked the last cigarette on his freshly bought pack. No one to catch him this time. It’s the weekend and he’s supposed to be at home, but it’s unbearable to be in the same room with his family. Usually, he could just slurp his soba in feigning ignorance but not now.

He’s sitting by the bench of a lonely park. He’s been sitting here since sun down. He has no idea what time it is. His phone in his pocket is on silent, he hasn’t checked on it since he walked out.

He should’ve stayed at the dorms, fuck the family dinner.

It’s not that Shouto wants things to end up badly. It’s not like he doesn’t want to be home, especially since his mom finally comes home after so many years. Everyone is happy that she’s back, even Natsuo, even his dad. Everyone except her. It looks so hard for her to be there. Shouto can see in her face that some places still hold strong bad memories for her.

His mother is strong because she pulls through. She holds herself through it all even though it seems only barely.

Yet why is he still so angry at her? Maybe not angry, frustrated. Shouto wants to ask her clarity. Why is she doing this? Why did she change her mind? Why come back here? Why not grasp the independence she had been telling Shouto she strived for? Was she coaxed to be here? Was she feeling some kind of responsibility to go back here? To salvage that sham of a marriage she had with Endeavor?

Shouto wants to ask, wants to understand. He crowded her with questions that moment when they said they’d be getting back together, only for his mom to wince, eyes widen, and quickened breath. For the second time in his life, his mom had looked at him with fear. Today, Shouto could barely meet her eyes again.

Is he really such a monster in her eyes just because he’s half his father? Then why go back to his father at all?

Shouto bought half a dozen packs as per tradition. Also because of his self implied tradition, he puts all the ashes in the coffin-shaped ashtray, even though there’s a park ashtray right beside him.

“You carry that everywhere,” Says a groveling voice that Shouto would notice anywhere.

Bakugou is in casuals. Black jeans and a grey hoodie seem like he’s out in a hurry. Just like Shouto.

“You’ve got to stop stalking me,” Shouto inhales deep, watching red amber burns till the filter and sighs.

“Who fucking stalking you Zuko.”

“Zuko doesn’t have-”

“Shut up,” Bakugou plop his ass beside Shouto, sitting waaay too close. He snatched the coffin tin, inspecting it. “Even when you didn’t smoke you carried this.”

“How did you know?”

“It shows your pocket, not big enough for a phone.”

Shouto knows he can’t get away once Bakugou began prying. “My first friend gave it to me.”

“That fucking Deku???”

“No,” Shouto chuckles at the image of Midoriya taking the role of what his first friend did. “It’s someone I met first-year junior high. She gave me this after introducing me to cigarettes.”

“That’s so fucking passive-aggressive I would’ve punched her in her teeth,” Bakugou grumbles, putting the ashtray to Shouto’s lap. “And why the fuck would anyone smoke at thirteen anyway!”

“Exactly because we’re thirteen, Katsuki, just because,” Shouto chuckles again at the memory. Seemingly too carefree from the nicotine, Bakugou had become Katsuki in his tongue. Katsuki bristles at his given name, but says nothing about it. It mysteriously made Shouto very happy.

“Among everything though, she was my first best friend, she teaches me a lot of things that make me who I am. She made me realize that I didn’t have to follow my dad’s wishes. That I can be what I want to be instead of what I was born for. That it’s valid to be lonely even though I technically have a big family. That it’s okay to not strive to be the best and just to be... happy.”

Shouto closes his eyes, remembering her lessons always fell bitter-sweet. But he’ll hold it in his heart forever.

“What you’re born for?” Katsuki says scathingly.

“Yeah, you know about this.” Shouto was told that Katsuki had eavesdropped on his conversation with Midoriya. Shouto was born to fulfill another man’s vendetta. A purpose first, and a son last.

“Seem like a wise person for a thirteen-year-old,” Katsuki sneers.

“She was, I loved her,” Shouto’s confession brings Katsuki’s face to a red grimace.

“Shit, I didn’t ask you to tell me your fucking secrets.”

“It’s not a secret.”

“Oh, really?” Katsuki spat bitterly, “Then why are you hiding your girlfriend from us?”

So many things wrong with that question. Shouto raises his eyebrows in surprise, “She’s not my girlfriend, and I’m not hiding her. She’s dead.”

The grimace fell like a hot potato, it would’ve been fun watching how Katsuki splutters if he didn’t look like he’s legit choking. “Holy fuck, that's... fuck, then why the shit you’re so stoic talking about it,” Katsuki seems appalled.

“It happens a long time ago. She seems accepting of her death that I... well I want to respect her decision.” Shouto knows it’s weird to not feel mournful of the departure of your closest friend. He still misses her, but she had been so positive until the very moment she left. Shouto was sure that she’s happy, so Shouto wants to be happy for her.

Katsuki paled, horrified, seemingly to misunderstand again.

“She had a terminal illness. Very likely no chance of survival. She chose to live her remaining time normally instead of undergoing treatment.”

“There’s... There’s no way her parents let her do that.”

“They’re economically challenged. They tried though, just too late in the end.”

“Fuck...” Katsuki cursed, running through his hair roughly. “Never thought you’d be the type of person to have life-changing moments like that.”

“A lot of people have proven to me that everyone has potential to be unexpected, and that’s just how it is.” Shouto looks pointedly at Katsuki, who glares at him in retaliation. “There’s a reason why we’re both here instead of home.”

“Yeah?” Katsuki mumbles, clearly not wanting to talk.

Shouto doesn’t too, to be honest, and yet keeping it in feels more exhausting, “My mom’s home.”

“No shit?” Katsuki was mildly surprised, “So it’s really happening huh.”

“It’s like walking on eggshells with her. I wanted to ask, but last time I did she flinched at me. I couldn’t look at her today.”

Katsuki sighs. This time, Katsuki is the one that scoots over till their shoulders touched all the way to their thighs. The contact makes Shouto breathes easier, he’s drawn to it like moths to a flame. His body goes limp as if it’s been too tense too long from holding itself together, and he drapes himself on top of Katsuki. Shoulder pressed together, his head heavily falls on Katsuki’s shoulder. Instinctually, his hand looks for another hand. Katsuki snakes around his hand and clasps it with his. It’s uncharacteristic, but Shouto finds himself grateful for it.

It’s warm, it’s damp, it’s grounding. Like lying on even earth after running away for so long.

“I don’t want her to be with him under the obligation that parents are supposed to be together for the kids. She’s been through so much, I would’ve understood, but I didn’t know how to say it without triggering her.” Silence follows, and Shouto realized what he said. “Sorry, uh, I’m not insinuating-”

“Shut up candy cane, I know.” Katsuki leans closer, his head on top of Shouto’s.

It’s warm, just what he needs in the middle of an emotional crisis at the beginning of November. It’s a bit out of character for Katsuki to do this, nor Shouto, neither of them are known for physical contact or talking about their personal lives. Yet here they are.

And Katsuki speaks anyway, “They’re fighting.”

Shouto, contrary to what Katsuki called him, isn’t a himbo. He knows who they are and he knows what a fight could entail.

“Did they hurt each other when they fight?” Shouto asks, then mused even if they did, could Katsuki do anything about it? Shouto couldn’t back then.

“No!” Katsuki says, indignant, “Of course not, they’re just bitching at each other about... about... I don’t know, it’s fucking stupid.”

“Hm, that’s good.”

“Fucking hell it’s good, they’re being idiotic!”

“They’re not hurting each other.”

Katsuki paused, his hands clenched tighter, “Did he hurt your mom when they fight?”

Shouto takes a deep inhale at the surge of memory. The fear that settles is old, he knows. Just leftover trauma that never went away, still, it bubbled to the surface, makes his skin cold.

Not trusting his voice, Shouto nods.

“They were fighting about me,” Katsuki says after a while, his voice a bit shaky, and Shouto knows better than to point it out. He keeps his head on the shaking shoulder and listens. “They didn’t know I was listening, they never did. They never... Turn-Turns out they didn’t even plan on having me.”

Katsuki holds his hand tighter and trembling.

“I’m a fucking accident,” Katsuki spat, venom dripping in every word. “Then they had a shotgun wedding, they didn’t even love each other at all.”

Shouto hears one escape of a sniff and lets himself relax, feigning clueless that Katsuki must’ve been crying. He lets the silence stretches until the hand holding his relaxed and the shaking subsides. Shouto had the same breakdown before. It downs to him that they’re not so different after all, children of a loveless relationship. Though he wonders if that instantly means he’s unloved. It had felt that way, but now... now it feels so much complicated than yes or no.

“Does it matter why we’re born?” Shouto hears a deep inhale of an incoming rant but he cuts it off with, “We’re our own person, with our own lives, and our own dreams. No one can tell us otherwise. Not even the one who makes us.” Shouto pauses and listens, what came to his ears is soft breathing, so he continues. “So what you’re not planned? That doesn’t mean you’re unwanted,” Shouto rubs his thumb over the damp knuckles, “You’re not unloved.”

Because Shouto had been to the Bakugo residence. Bakugou Mitsuki is as explosive as he is, but he can see her adoring stare at her son even when she’s scolding him. Bakugou Masaru is softer, always trying to calm both of them and giving small smiles when Shouto tells him stories about his son at school.

“What the fuck do you know, water dispenser?” Katsuki lowly growls, but it doesn’t have that biting hate, he doesn’t move away from Shouto.

So Shouto only hums and lets the silence stretch. He grabs the ashtray with his other hand, rubbing the plain surface with his thumb, remembering her, thanking her.

“What’s her name?” Katsuki says after minutes of silence, his voice with less snarl.

“Arisu.”

“... I’m sorry you lost her.”

And that’s what happened, isn’t it? Shouto may be able to let her go, but she’s still lost to him. Still hurts, Shouto still mises her. “Thank you.”

They didn’t let go of each other until Shouto’s phone rings. It’s Natsuo. His brother is just as unhappy about their parents' reunion, though for him it’s more about hating their dad and less about questioning their mother as Shouto did. Natsuo called to offer to spend the rest of the weekend at his place. Shouto immediately agrees, then he remembers Katsuki.

“Is it okay if I bring one of my friends?”

Katsuki instantly glowers at him.

“Who?”

“Katsuki.”

“Who??”

“Bakugou.”

“Oh, yeah sure. Buy some dinner on the way, I didn’t get to eat much.”

“Okay, me too.”

As soon as they hang up, Katsuki bares his teeth.

“Who says I’ll go with you, Pokeball?” His voice raised a bit, his arms crossing defensively.

“I’m not, I said if. You don’t have to, but if you want, you can.”

“No one fucking asked you for shelter,” Katsuki scoffs, facing away.

“I know...” Shouto knows Katsuki would rather leave than accept help. The only way he accepts it is that if no one acknowledges it. He knows Katsuki can take care of himself, but Shouto is the one that doesn’t want him to leave just yet. Shouto knows he’ll go back to Natsuo’s place only to hear him bitch about Endeavor when the real problem is with their mom and her odd decision.

“Can’t you just stay for dinner?” The desperation in his voice is real, Katsuki seems to notice it and is bewildered by it. “Please?”

Katsuki’s eyes widen at the magic word because no, Shouto doesn’t say it often, much less towards Katsuki, he had enough ego already.

Nose flared and fist clenched, Katsuki finally barks, “Fine! But we’re cooking instead of ordering take-out, I fucking know what you’re gonna get you soba simp. Your brother better has a kitchen.”

“He does,” Shouto replies, the upbeat tone in his voice is rare. Can you blame him? He’s excited that he’s not coming home, and Katsuki goes with him with his admittedly superior cooking.

At Natsuo’s apartment, Shouto helped Katsuki cook, nothing more than chopping stuff. Natsuo gave him a brief summary of what happened at home after Shouto left, but thankfully, he’s not saying too much because Katsuki is there. Once Natsuo finished talking and left to get beers, Shouto gives Katsuki an arm squeeze of thanks. Katsuki only grunts.

Dinner is ‘simple’ in Katsuki’s opinion. Stir-fried vegetables, miso soup, and hamburg steak. As always, it’s delicious, and Natsuo who’s none the wiser to Katsuki’s God-like cooking skill is blown away.

They’re in the living area on the sofa watching TV when Shouto scoots closer again. Natsuo is in his room studying.

“You can stay here for the rest of the weekend if you want,” Shouto says, bumping shoulders.

Katsuki frowns, eyes on the screen. “I don’t have my change of clothes with me.”

“You can borrow mine, I have some here.”

“Ran away a lot don’t you?” Katsuki sneers.

“You have no idea,” Shouto admits.

The sneer falls, “Why?”

“Just because I finally can.”

“You couldn’t before?”

Shouto shakes his head, finding his head heavy, so he lays his head on Katsuki’s shoulder again. “Before he was number one, he insists on using all my free time on training. If I didn’t, he’d take my phone, or the internet, or my manga, even burned them on some occasion. He even flushed my pet fish, rest in peace Kiya. Then he’s number one, and the dorms are established... so...”

Shout shrugs. He doesn’t reach for Katsuki’s hand this time, just pressed against him, afraid if he pushed then Katsuki would retract. Shouto doesn’t want to stop his newfound comfort just yet.

Then his hand is grasped by a firm clammy hand. Shouto keeps thinking of how Katsuki’s sweaty hands must be because of the nitroglycerin of his quirk. If he’s not thinking about Katsuki’s quirk then he’d think about how it makes his heart skipped a beat that Katsuki initiates the touch again. So yeah, clammy hands that hold him tight.

“Why didn’t you tell anybody?” Katsuki says, weaker than he’s accustomed to. It makes Shouto wary.

“I don’t know what is there to tell.”

A groan stretches, “What do I do with you?”

“Hey...” Shouto mock complains “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Does he still train you like that?”

Shouto feels a bit of whiplash with all these questions. Katsuki has been asking personal questions left and right, and Shouto doesn’t understand why answering it doesn’t feel as hard as usual.

“No, not since he became number 1.”

Katsuki scoffs, “Got what he wanted didn’t he?”

“Sometimes I wonder if that’s the case. When he got it, he didn’t seem happy, just angry. Then he started wanting the family he broke to get that number one spot.”

That renders Katsuki to another bout of silence. He knows Katsuki strives to be number one too, and at first, Shouto had ridiculed him about it. Why does a superficial title mean so much anyway? Katsuki changed over the years though, with Midoriya being the main cause of it.

Heart on his throat, Shouto dare asks, “Hey, Katsuki? Why do you want to be a hero?”

Katsuki tensed, but Shouto holds him tighter, “Why are you getting nosy all of the sudden?”

Shouto knows he’s not getting things easy, “I just wanna know.”

“Yeah, that’s nosy.”

“No, I just want to get to know you.” Shouto bites his lips as soon as the words left, was that too forward?

They’re not looking at each other, but Shouto can feel the glare directed at him. “Why?”

“We’ve been friends for a while...”

“We’re not fucking friends-!”

“...But I feel like I’m taking you for granted. I didn’t even know you’re going through something so big.” Some friend I am, Shouto broods.

It takes a few seconds, but Katsuki defeatedly sighs, and Shouto smiles in victory, “At first, I just want to be the best.”

“Best at what?”

“Everything...” Katsuki muses, his head knocked back, “Then I realized that it was an impossible goal... Did a lot of thinking, did a lot of uh, self-reflecting. Started talking to Ito-san too. I realized that I just want to be needed.”

It makes sense why Katsuki is here then. Shouto wished he could outright say that he needs him so Katsuki would stay longer, but just imagining him doing so already makes him pink in embarrassment.

Ito-san is the school counselor, her doors are open for every UA student. Shouto had half the mind to go to her, but there’s always this weight of silence from being a son of a high-profile hero. Endeavor always drilled him about secrecy and how he shouldn’t say anything about his family to anyone or it’ll ruin everything. It’s the reason why Arisu was his only friend, she was dying, and she did take his secret to her grave. Shouto still feels guilty about that.

“Have you ever talked to Ito-san?” Katsuki asked as if reading his mind.

“Can’t.”

“Why?”

“Everything that comes out of my mouth is tabloid-worthy. Endeavor had drilled me from way young that I can’t run my mouth about our lives. He’s right about that at least, I didn’t want paparazzi swarming us demanding half-assed rumors if I can help it. It had happened before, someone even sneaked into my mom’s hospital to reach her. I guess... that’s also why I never told anyone at all about anything.”

“You told Arisu didn’t you?”

Shouto bites his lip, guilt gnaws at him, “Because I know she won't carry my secrets long enough.” Please don’t hate me. Shouto’s grip on Katsuki tighten.

“But you told Deku, you told me.”

“Well, I trust you,” he says like it’s the most obvious thing. “You sure you don’t want to stay over?”

Katsuki leans away, and the cold strikes immediately. Shouto leans back, pointedly not looking at red irises.

“Fine.”

Shouto quickly looks up, then he finds Katsuki’s face odd. There’s something familiar with it. He’s... smiling, only slightly, but it’s a smile, and his eyes aren’t furrowed or angry or glaring. His eyebrows relaxed and he looks.... soft. Maybe Shouto fell asleep and currently dreaming.

“I’ll need to call my parents first,” Katsuki says after clearing his throat, looking away a bit flushed.

“Sure, I’ll get you settled.”

Shouto is half excited half worried. He told Natsuo that Katsuki will be borrowing the couch, which only replied with a hum while his eyes doesn’t leave the book. His brother is not unfamiliar with runaways. Shouto isn’t the only one seeking shelter at his place.

Shouto passes the balcony where Katsuki is screaming at his phone. Shouto can only hear muffles, but he gives Katsuki some privacy and gets some spare clothes. When Shouto sees that Katsuki is still on the phone even after ten minutes have passed, he takes the liberty of taking a shower first.

When Shouto walks out, he finds Katsuki sitting by the sofa, his hands suspiciously inflamed. He faces the screen but looking particularly nowhere. Shouto had seen those empty looks before.

“Katsuki?”

He jerks slightly as his name is called. Katsuki schooled his expression to a careful stoic, walls up. No matter, Shouto thinks, sometimes you don’t need to tear down walls to help a person, just hold their hand through the gate.

“Go take a shower, bath’s warm.”

Katsuki nods, taking the towel Shouto offered and the spare clothes. Shouto makes tea, for him, his brother, and Katsuki. Shouto delivers the cup of tea to Natsuo’s room, seems like the books are multiplying around his brother.

“Tea,” Shouto says before putting it on a coaster.

“Thanks.” Natsuo finally looks away from the book and takes a sip. “That Bakugou, how is he?” Natsuo asks, knowing that Shouto only brings his friend here in a dire situation.

The only other person he brought was Kaminari, believe it or not. Kaminari had said he didn’t want to come home for the weekend because he was scared of facing his parents after he came out via text. From the replies, it hadn’t been good. Kaminari spent the rest of the stay switching between sobbing and full-on crying. Only God knows why Kaminari asked him instead of any of the Baku-squad, but Kaminari is still his friend too, so Shouto provides.

But today with Katsuki is different though. Shouto had to beg him to stay, whether it’s for the benefit of him or Shouto the line had blurred.

“Hopefully he will be,” Is all Shouto can offer. Natsuo nods before going back to his book.

Shouto lays out his futon in the living room adjacent to the sofa. He’s laying down, scrolling at his phone. Putting his dad on read and ignoring Fuyumi’s and mom’s chatbox. He opted to look at cat videos instead. Soon, Katsuki came out of the bathroom, drank the offered tea, and laid down on the sofa.

They spent probably an hour separately looking at their phones when Shouto finally calls it a night. He turned off the lights, and tuck himself in. Before he said goodnight, Shouto thinks and his desires take.

“Wanna hang out tomorrow?” he asked.

Blood red eyes look at him from the screen, “Where?”

Shouto shrugs, “I don’t know, just around, get my mind off things. There’s a cat cafe I’ve been wanting to see, then we’ll go from there.”

Katsuki stares, seemingly thinking it over, “Have you ever been to a rock climbing gym?”

“A what?”

Katsuki smirks, sharp-teethed and evil, “Oh you’re in for a fucking experience, red velvet oreo.”

Shouto is a bit suspicious, even so, he finds himself looking forward to tomorrow.

  +++++

 I’m sorry for not telling you sooner, but you shouldn’t think that way. Of course you’ll have more friends. You’re more lovable than you think, Shouto.

Something changed between them after that weekend. Comfort grows between them. Comfort that they don’t want to let go just yet, perhaps not anytime soon.

The bad thing about it is that everyone notices. Everyone.

To their friend's credit though, they came to school together, walking very close to each other. It was fully initiated by Shouto, but Katsuki didn’t snap or push him away, so he assumed everything is okay.

Everything is absolutely not okay because the moment he walks to class everyone has eyes on them. Shouto thought it won’t matter to him, but Katsuki tends to be defensive. When Katsuki is defensive, he pushes people away. Shouto tried not to watch Katsuki for the whole class.

Momo noticed, of course, but she notices more than superficial things.

“Shouto,” Momo whispers, “Everything alright?”

Shouto gives her a smile and nods.

It’s not until they’re getting up for lunch that Shouto is tested in a form of Kirishima.

“Bakubro! How long have you been dating Todobro?”

The world screech halt, and Kirishima tensed at the sudden chill he’s feeling. When Kirishima found the source of burning in his back, he sees Shouto, glaring hard and terrifyingly at him. Face darkens, pupils small, ready to kill.

Kirishima squeaks, “He-hey, uh-”

“Back off Kiri, it’s none of your business,” is all Katsuki says. Not even a scream, just a conversational tone as if he’s bored. No defensiveness, no snarling at Shouto in retaliation. “The fuck are yall extras staring at? Move outta my way, I’m hungry!” Then he left.

No one is barging Shouto with questions instead. It’s out of character of his classmates to not poke their nose in something juicy, but as he drops his butt at his chair, he finds himself alone in class.

Shouto is left in class with a big wave of relief, so much that he couldn’t stand. Why is it that the thought of Katsuki pushing him away scares him this much?

A hand landed on his desk, he looks up to find Momo’s honest stare, “Something is not alright.”

Shouto sighs, “No.”

Unlike Katsuki, Momo never pries, only assuring that she’s there for him. Unlike Momo, Katsuki understands that some things can’t be fixed, wherein if he opens up to Momo and some others, they tried to help by fixing. The number of times his friends told him, again and again, to go to Ito-san when they found out about Dabi being his brother is an exhausting amount. Maybe that’s why Shouto has been more comfortable with laying his problems to Katsuki.

So he eats lunch with Momo in the silence of comfortable company, and there’s just that.

  +++++

 Thank you for being there for me. You’re the bestest best friend I could ever wish for. And you won’t be lonely for long, you’ll see.

Shouto has peaceful days following that first Monday. His comfort with Katsuki doesn’t change. Though they don't get together on the rooftop anymore (Iida never let go of his key since Katsuki managed to steal it), they still gravitate towards each other whenever they don’t feel particularly great.

Katsuki would approach and say things like, “They want me home this weekend.”

“You wanna stay at the dorms or my place?”

“Can’t. I know they wanted to talk to me about who I wanna stay with.”

“We can make up an excuse if you want.”

“Hm.”

Then they spent the rest of the day together, just sitting at the school’s lawn, looking at particularly nothing. And if they sit too close together and their clasped hands only partially hidden by their legs, no one pointed it out.

Shouto would approach and say things like, “Fuyumi wants to call me, I know she’s just gonna talk about how I’m tearing the family apart.”

Katsuki snaps from his bed towards the window where Shouto is stepping down from his Elsa stairs.

Katsuki’s shock then turns to fury, “Your sister, Fuyumi, THAT Fuyumi said that to you?”

“She wanted the family together. I think she’s frustrated that I keep making my parents' union difficult.”

“You know what, her spicy mapo tofu isn’t that delicious anyway!” Katsuki barks his hands clenched down mini-explosions. It’s one of Katsuki’s outbursts that Shouto doesn’t understand, nor does he understand why her mapo tofu is related in any way, so he doesn’t comment.

“I’m gonna head up to the roof, wanna come?”

“No, you’ll just smoke and you’d give me fucking cancer.”

Shouto feels cold, Katsuki had never said no from hanging out before, “Fine.”

“Who said you can leave? Come here!” Katsuki held his ankle from the balcony, gripping tight.

Shouto blinks, remembering what Aizawa-sensei had said some days ago. “Oh, are we gonna cuddle?”

Katsuki’s face set aflame, “Just fucking come in here Katy Perry, before I yank you by your stupid Poland flag hair.”

Shouto finds himself obeying at the thought of cuddling, but then confused, “Why Katy Perry?”

“Hot and cold.”

“I guess that’ll make sense if I know who Katy Perry is but.”

Katsuki spat a curse, “Alright, time for a session of pop culture.”

“But I already had them with Mina and Sero”

“And they’re doing a shit job about it if you didn’t know the person that shapes a whole ass generation.”

It started with a music video of Hot and Cold by Katy Perry and ends with a retelling biography of Lady Gaga. Who knew Katsuki is so knowledgeable about female pop stars.

“TELL ANYONE AND DIE,” He said after Shouto pointed it out.

Most important of all, they did cuddle. They were sitting on the bedside then suddenly they’re laying down side by side. They’re watching a gameplay video of a Swedish man playing a horror game, another important role in pop culture as Katsuki said. It’s an old video, and Katsuki said that the man owns some part of Antarctica, which Shouto knows it’s some kind of an inside joke.

The nights getting late, and Shouto is reminded of the text on his phone, how it vibrates occasionally. Shouto has been in Katsuki’s room for four hours, but he doesn’t want to go back to his room.

Katsuki notices him lingering, “You wanna stay here for the night?”

Shouto looks up from Katsuki’s phone with big sparkling eyes, “You sure?”

“Tch, I wouldn’t have offered if I don’t.” Katsuki looks away, exposing his neck that seems red to the tip of his ears, “It’ll be a little cramp though with my single bed.”

“I don’t mind it. Just don’t kick me out of bed.”

“No promises.”

Katsuki didn’t. He curled away from Shouto as soon as the blankets tucked.  Their backs pressed against each other because of the small space. Shouto finds it hard to fall asleep, could be the new environment or the gnawing anxiety.

He’ll admit that Fuyumi is his favorite sibling. She’s there for him when he was condemned in that lonely manor only to train and study. Fuyumi stays back for him, tend to his wounds, cook for him, keep him company. Natsuo had left and rarely come back, even though he’s there for Shouto in the end.

Then his dad had a bootleg redemption arc and Fuyumi dropped him like hot potato and shoved both of them together despite what Shouto feels about his dad. When his parents are getting back together, Fuyumi stopped consoling Shouto and started to support them blindly. So desperate to have their family together. Doesn’t she know that there’s nothing to salvage? Doesn’t she remember what he did?

“I can hear you from here, air conditioner,” Katsuki grumbles, his back vibrates, “Go to sleep.”

“I’m trying.”

Shouto can’t stop thinking, can’t stop getting angry and getting hurt. It hurts when his sister is pointing the blame at Shouto, it hurts even more when it’s kind of true. It hurts that despite his fear of facing her, he still owes her a call at least. He’ll never be ready for what she’s about to say, never be ready to be hurt by her. Shouto turns around and buries his face at Katsuki’s back, ducking under the cover.

“What is it?’ Katsuki asks, not demanding, but Shouto’s floodgates are opened.

“I don’t understand how they could forgive him. He hurts mom, he hurts Touya to a point that he left and hates us, and he... he hurts me. It’s just training but-but- fine, okay, it hurt and I was scared most of the time that he’s not gonna pull his punches. Fuyumi forgives him so easily, and mom just went back in there even though they were never in love in the first place. It’s like they’ve forgotten what he had done, how deeply he scars all of us. Like what- like what happened didn’t matter.” Shouto’s voice breaks the whole time, a sob escaped in between the jumbled words and he’s trying so hard, so hard not to cry.

Katsuki turns around, his arms wrapped around Shouto’s hunched shoulders. A burnt sweet scent hits his nostrils, his face pressed against a defined neck and collarbones. All tenseness bleeds away when Katsuki starts rubbing his back, and tears break from his eyes without his will. Shouto wraps his arms around his friend’s torso, feeling his chest constrict when Katsuki mercifully says nothing about the silent tears landing on his chest.

He shuts his lips, pressing tightly because he’s not sobbing to Katsuki’s chest. They’re comfortable with each other but not that comfortable... right? Shouto’s tolerance to breakdown cries is thanks to exposure to crying most of his childhood, the same can’t be said for Katsuki. The hug is enough, it’s everything. Shouto never realized how much he craved being touched until that day Katsuki sits way too close to him.

His lips pressed tight keeping from sobbing, but his hands tremble on Katsuki’s back instead.

“Damn, you’re touch starved aren’t you,” Katsuki sighs to his hair, his face buried there.

“I didn’t know,” Shouto’s voice shaking pathetically, breaking at the edge and Shouto is too torn to care about it.

“Me too.”

Shouto doesn’t know which one Katsuki meant, but neither let go until they sleep.

  ++++++

 I love you too, Shouto. Don’t be scared of letting people in, okay? Not all of them are gonna leave you, I promise.

Things get rough, but their comfort pushes each other through.

Katsuki chooses to stay with his dad, but he’s co-parenting with his mom. Katsuki spends his weekends at both their house, switching every weekend. There’s still tenseness between his parents, and Katsuki explodes whenever his dad or mom asks Katsuki about the other. ‘Stop fucking asking me! If you wanna know so much then you shouldn’t have gotten the divorce!’ Katsuki doesn’t want to hear their reasoning, feeling better to just accept the change and move on, but Shouto thinks he’s just not ready to hear it. Sometimes Katsuki stays at the dorms with Shouto or the Todoroki estate when he gets overwhelmed.

Shouto finally talks to his mom. At first, it didn’t go anywhere. She’s as unsure as Shouto, but her willingness to try and salvage the marriage is as honest as it comes, even though her feelings might not be there yet. It feels like hearing Fuyumi talk, hearing the same desperation and blindness in putting things together. It’s hard to understand her foolishness, but Shouto tried to trust her. Shouto’s opinion might have been persuaded a little when his father announced that they’ll be moving houses due to mom’s tense reaction to the place. It’s a plus that his dad is willing to do that for his wife, but Shouto is still keeping an eye on them.

Then things get better, but their comfort doesn’t stop. Shouto is comfortable in following his desires without questioning them, but he quizically finds that Katsuki seeks him too even though he no longer approach Shouto with that near tears scowl, and situation bomb.

“How’s your mom?” Katsuki asked out of the blue under the summer blue sky. They’re sitting by the school lawn, their backs to a tree trunk, their friends strangely been leaving them alone.

“She’s fine.”

“Then why did you want to meet here?” Katsuki murmurs, looking down at the comic book Shouto lends him but not reading it. The tips of his ears are red.

Oh, Katsuki is testing the waters, “I just want to be with you.”

Katsuki flushes, “Ew, where the fuck did you even get that cheesy line.”

Shouto pays the snark no mind. “We haven't had any excuses for being together lately, do we?”

Katsuki hums.

“Do you not like it?”

“It’s fine,” Katsuki grumbles.

“Say... If I ask you to go to a cat cafe this Saturday, will you go?”

“Satan in hell, cat cafe again? I still have fucking fur on my black jacket from the previous visit! I felt like we’ve been to all the cat cafes in the country!”

Shouto pouts, “That’s not possible.”

“Let’s go hiking instead.”

“Okay.”

Katsuki twist his head towards him, “You would?”

“Just us two right?”

“Obviously, there’s no way I’m taking those extras. Those nature documentaries made them wimps.”

Shouto only listened to the first word he uttered, “I’ll go with you.”

Then Katsuki looks him that way again. Soft eyes, relaxed eyebrows, fond stares, and the most devastating of all, a small genuine smile.

“Cool. Come to my place, we have to wake up early. I miss seeing the sunset there, it’s awesome.” There’s light in his maroon eyes, excited to go, and he’s taking Shouto with him to his hobby, his precious place.

Shouto feels warmth radiating from his chest all the way down to his toes, a smile blooms on his face. He’s been feeling this mysterious warmth pretty often lately, only now has he realized that Shouto is happy and that he hasn’t been lonely despite his current family strain.

Katsuki’s rambling about his favorite hiking spot is cut short when Shouto leans in to kiss the corner of his lips. The smile is exchanged with shocked parted lips. Shouto feels himself shrink by the silence of Katsuki’s loud mouth and the pinning stare of his sharp eyes. Blood rushed to Shouto’s cheeks, knowing that he’s blushing up a storm, suddenly nervous.

“Is that okay?” Shout asks, too cowardly to say that he wants more, closer, to continue being together for no reason at all other than just because.

“No.”

He’s grabbed by the face, and a pair of lips pressed against his. Shouto expected to be bitten, his head clawed, and his lips bruised. But the weeks he spent with Katsuki should’ve made him know better. Because the gentle hands cradling his face, the complete capture of his lips, and the soft nips are all unsurprising. Shouto melts away, leaning his whole weight so they’re chest to chest. He grabs Katsuki by the hips, pulling closer, kissing back.

Katsuki hums, and the vibration echoes on Shouto’s body deliciously. Katsuki’s lips taste sweet and hot as it moves to nibble Shouto’s bottom lip. The hands cupping his face moves past his neck. One is clutching his back and the other plays with the hair at the back of his head. Fingers card gently around his nape and Shouto has a whole body shiver.

Then the lips go missing, and Shouto goes limp in Katsuki’s arms, gasping for breath on his chest.

“And that’s how you kiss, Strawberry Shortcake,” Katsuki says smugly, patting Shouto’s back condescendingly.

Shouto scoffs and leans back. Katsuki still has that fond eyes as he looks at him, but now paired with a cheeky smirk. Shouto wants to kiss that too, and Shouto does.

From then on, it’s expected that he sometimes steps down his icy stairs just to cuddle with Katsuki, and it’s perfectly acceptable that Katsuki barges into his room and starts pulling his hand towards wherever he wants.

They’d still bicker sometimes, and sometimes Shouto unintentionally steps on some lines that set Katsuki to explode. Sometimes Katsuki is frustrated with him. Those days they fight makes him nervous.

But they always say their apologies eventually. Katsuki always comes back and tries again with him. Even when the fights are between them, they eventually get over it and get better while they’re still leaning onto each other for comfort.

Eventually, Shouto keeps the coffin ashtray in his keepsake instead of his pocket.

He’d like to think that he can finally let her go now that she’s proven right.

Shouto finds someone that loves him, someone that makes him happy, and someone that doesn’t leave.

 ++++

nicknames that didn't make it: Colgate toothpaste, hot pocket, tide pod, dry ice. nicknames that I magically forgot: Half and half.

Tag yourself as Shouto’s nickname, I’m water dispenser.

[hookaroo]

Vocivore, Ltd. (33 of 41?)

Also on FFN and AO3 (ListerofTardis)

Tagging @ouatwinterwhump, @killian-whump, @sancocnutclub, @killianjonesownsmyheart1 and @courtorderedcake <3

***THE MOST WONDERFUL COVER ART BY @cocohook38 HERE!!!!!******

***Chapter 12 animation and art that will absolutely astound you!!!!!!!!!**********

***LETHAL Chapter 19 art in all of its BLOODSTAINED GLORY!!!!************

**POOR STABBED KILLIAN falling into the sheriff station! Ch. 7 & 23 art!!**

****KILLIAN AND HIS MASTER IN THE GORGEOUS CATHEDRAL!!!!!!!!!!!!    CHAPTER 1 ART THAT KILLS ME EVERY TIME I SEE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*********

*****AMAZING AND ALSO HEARTBREAKING COVER ART!!!!! MY POOR BOY, HELPLESS AND SCREAMING WHILE HE SLOWLY LOSES HIS GRIP ON REALITY… D: COCOHOOK38 IS TRYING TO KILL US ALL!!!!*************

***AAAAHHHH!!! THANK YOU MY WONDERFUL COCONUT FRIEND!!!!!!***

Present (Friday, continued)...

“What is the meaning of this?” demanded Killian’s Master, its voice booming in the surveillance room, as menacing as he had ever heard it. Slowly, Killian lay the sword on the table next to the final monitor, raising his mangled stump as if in surrender while keeping his right side shielded from view.

“I… was…”

Sudden peals of laughter split the air as the video streams came to abrupt life. Hope as an infant, giggling hysterically at the antics of her parents. Joining her, a recording of Queen Regina’s coronation, when peoples of all realms had united in joyous support. A jubilant Storybrooke High School football team celebrating a win over their new rivals from Agrabah. The wildest group dance from Robin and Alice’s wedding reception. And then, despite never having had the chance to identify the final camera, another hijacked feed: the night when Ursula had joined the community symphony for a command performance, her regained voice simply enchanting.

The Master took a step back, shuddering and pressing both claws to its head. It was in obvious discomfort as it growled,

“How… how have you…?”

Killian drew one of the daggers from its bandage sheath, then the other. “Not such a pain enthusiast when you’re the recipient, are you?”

“Turn… it… off!” snarled the creature, taking another step toward the doorway. It shook and curled in on itself like a dying spider. Killian allowed himself a single preparatory breath before he struck.

The first dagger clattered against monster’s thick carapace, barely even nicking its immaculate waistcoat. But the second buried itself to the hilt in the creature’s thick jowls, eliciting a roar of rage and pain. Echoing its animal howl, Killian snatched up the sword, vaulted over an unconscious slave, and swung with all of his strength.

The blade bounced harmlessly off a shielding pincer, sending shock waves all the way up to Killian’s shoulder. Just the faintest of dents in the chitin hinted at the blow’s landing zone. With another yell of exertion, he lopped off an approaching tentacle. The severed end convulsed on the ground and leaked the same purple blood that now spurted from the spasming stump. Killian kicked aside the mess and couldn't help feeling a small spark of glee. To the accompaniment of monstrous shrieks, contrasting wildly with the looped positivity feeds, Killian aimed for the Master’s unprotected throat. He ducked a flailing half-tentacle and drove the sword forward in a mighty thrust. The adrenaline of the moment and certainty of victory muted every pain, leaving only focused determination. Now this demon would die.

The Master’s pincer seemed to move faster than physically possible. It shot forward to catch the blade in an iron grip, ceasing all momentum. In desperate frustration, Killian heaved his weight on top of the sword, trying to yank it from the claw. But it was stuck fast. And then the Master rose, fiery hatred blazing in its eyes. Violet flecks sprinkled its face and clothing. It straightened to its full, towering height, no longer quivering, no longer vulnerable.

Killian slipped on the Master’s blood as it wrenched the sword from his hand. He went down hard, but even on hip and elbow, he fought. The fallen dagger lay just out of reach. He rolled stiffly over, stretching, reaching…

His fingers closed around the hilt, and he felt a surge of frantic hope. But then the remaining tentacle lassoed his wrist. Before he could even struggle, it jerked upward with such force that it wrenched his shoulder right out of its socket. Killian cried out, managing to keep a futile hold on the dagger as he was hauled to his feet. Never had he wished harder to have his other hand back. Despite the pain in his shoulder and a rush of dizziness, he lashed out with the ring in his wrist, aiming for the blade still embedded in his Master’s neck.

He missed. The tentacle pulled sharply and he could do nothing but follow as his damaged shoulder instinctively protected itself. His ring was caught by the half-tentacle, which retained its functionality despite the blood still flowing. Two crab legs stabbed down atop his  feet, pinning them in place. And hopeless tears filled Killian’s eyes. Now he awaited only his death. The plan had failed.

Emma would hear.

Casually, his Master used its unoccupied claw to pluck the dagger from its neck. A purple trail soon stained the cotton collar below. It inspected the bloodsoaked blade for the space of a heartbeat, barely glancing at Killian before plunging the weapon into his chest.

Killian screamed. Hope laughed. The high schoolers cheered and the revelers applauded.

The Vocivore brought the point of the sword up under Killian’s chin. It fastidiously brushed down and straightened its waistcoat before speaking, a faint raggedness to its tone giving the only hint of continued strain.

“Very clever, Tripod. Just not enough. But I will admit, you almost succeeded where no one has ever come close before.” It pressed harder with the blade, and Killian lacked the strength or will to pull away. His Master watched the tears fall, read the surrender in its slave’s eyes. And it lowered the sword ever so slightly. “You will die. Not out of revenge or hatred, for you are still my favorite Voice. But out of respect for you as a foe, and out of necessity because of the threat you still pose.”

The Master allowed the sword point to rest on the ground. “That isn’t to say that I won’t extract every ounce of energy from you first. I don’t know how you’ve resisted my will for so long, nor how you managed to hide your scheme from me. But your final hours will be spent wishing you had surrendered at the first. Begging me to end it.”

Carelessly, his Master tossed the sword at the power strip; sparks flew as it severed the cord, and the sounds of victory cut to the silence of defeat.

Quaking with shock and anguish, Killian could barely keep to his feet. He felt his Master stroke a claw down his cheek, and it whispered,

“But I’m still your Master, Tripod. And I will decide when you are to die.”

*****

Emma sat frozen, staring at her phone, silent tears streaming down her face. Waiting for the inevitable, for that final blow, the last scream, the last beat of Killian’s heart. The atmosphere was heavy with failure despite the happy moments projected on each computer screen. Neither one of the room’s occupants could hear the looped audio chaos anymore.

Jones’ face darkened with resolve. He got to his feet, closed both laptops within reach, and marched to Emma’s side.

“We’re not done yet,” he announced. Emma blinked up at him through puffy eyelids.

“You heard the bastard: it’s going to kill him.”

No ounce of hope tempered her words; she spoke robotically, as if her soul were somehow with Killian as he was dragged from the surveillance room. Jones took her hand in his.

“Aye, but there’s time yet. What do you say we put it to good use?”

Emma looked at him with such desolation that he was tempted to throw up his hands and allow her to grieve in peace. But he would never forgive himself for that… and he already had the first inkling of a plan. He cocked an eyebrow at her.

“Are you familiar with the Wookiee prisoner gag?”

[otomeverything]

NIGHTSHADE

Release Date:  December 20, 2018 (North America) Developers:  Red Entertainment / LANTERN ROOMS Publishers: D3Publisher Platforms:  Nintendo Switch, PC (Steam) ESRB Rating: M (Mature) 17+

  Walkthroughs:

Goemon

Chojiro

Hanzo

Kuroyuki

Gekkamaru

Common Route

  PROLOGUE (from Nightshade’s official site) During the Sengoku Period the two main factions of ninja clans, Iga and Kōga, warred against each other for decades. In the year 1593, Nobunaga Oda started the Tenshō Iga war, decimating most of the Iga ninjas in the process. The very few that survived were absorbed into the Kōga clan, despite their past rivalries. After 17 years the Sengoku Period finally came to an end, and Japan was unified.

Enju (Protagonist), daughter of Kandō Ueno, the Head of the Kōga clan, spends her days training diligently in hope of becoming a full-fledged ninja like her peers. At long last, she is assigned to her first mission but finds herself caught in a dark conspiracy.

  ART AND MUSIC One of Nightshade’s prominent features that’ll easily make an impression among otome fans, is its art style. The game credits non-other than the famous illustrator, Teita who’s fairly popular for her other works such as Norn9, the Juuzaengi  Engetsu Sangokuden saga and the recently released visual novel, Charade Maniacs.

I wish I could say the same for the game’s musical score. The OP theme was nice but wasn’t memorable at all. The END theme (Good End) however, “Taezaru Hana”  by MIKOTO was pretty soothing that I ended up purchasing the track in iTunes. Listen to the full song below:

  Voice Acting Nightshade honestly has the best seiyuu lineup. The voice acting was, in fact, one of the major highlights of the game. The VAs really did an amazing job capturing your emotions. I was already expecting this much from their topnotch VA list, but they did more than stellar performances with this game! Every seiyuu involved were magnificent, even the side character, Ieyasu Tokugawa (voiced by Koki Miyata, who’s famous for his role as Ukyo in Amnesia), did an amazing job portraying his cunning personality.

  Hikaru Midorikawa ♥ “Goemon Ishikawa” – Tamahome (Fushigi Yuugi Suzaku Ibun), Zenya (Sweet Pool), Ayato (Diabolik Lovers), Hanate (7’Scarlet), Yutaka Nabari (Nil Admirari)

Wataru Hatano “Gekkemaru” – Asato (Lamento Beyond the Void), Lindo (Dance with the Devils), Kotarou (Hakuoki), Sakiyama Youji (Sweet Pool), Yuuto (Storm Lover)

Hiro Shimono “Kuroyuki“ – Shou Kurusu (Utapri), Senri Ichinose (Norn9), Sou Kiryuu (Harukanaru Toki no Naka De 5), Ricchie (Black Wolves Saga), Ray Blackwell (Ikerev)

Kenjiro Tsuda “Hanzo Hattori” – Chikage Kazama (Hakuoki), Soshi Amazaki (The Charming Empire), Leonardo Da Vinci (Ikevamp), Nathan Seymour (Tiger & Bunny)

Kosuke Toriumi “Chojiro Momochi” – Hajime Saito (Hakuoki), Kagiha (Psychedelica BB), Poyo-Poyo (Period Cube), Hideyoshi (Ikesen), Lawrence (Psychedelica AH), John Watson (Code Realize)

  MAIN CHARACTERS (Spoiler Free)

I must say, I love all of the characters and their routes that it was hard for me to pick a favorite. If you’re concerned with plot spoilers in your first playthrough, my recommendation would be to play the routes in the following order (from least to greatest in spoiler content):  Goemon – Hanzo – Chojiro – Kuroyuki – Gekkamaru. For enjoyability, I’d recommend playing in the same order. Goemon and Hanzo were the lighter routes, Chojiro was angst from start to finish and the brothers (Kuroyuki and Gekkamaru) had more plot revelations than you’ve expected. I would also strongly recommend saving Gekkamaru’s route for last, trust me when I say, this makes your last playthrough more worthwhile. 😉

  GOEMON ISHIKAWA

The Japanese Robin Hood

ladykiller

True to his name in history books, Goemon Ishikawa is the legendary Japanese outlaw who stole gold and other valuables from the rich to give to the poor. He’s very popular among the townspeople due to his ingenious thieving schemes. He is known to send prior notices to his targets before he robs them off their treasures. Goemon is also a highly skilled ninja who has the wit of a brilliant tactician.

Playing Goemon’s route first was a good choice since his story was the lightest among the bachelors in the game, plus I haven’t fallen in love with Midorikawa’s voice in a while, so there’s also that ha! I find Goemon’s story really refreshing due to his carefree personality and charismatic nature. Because of this, it was so easy to like this character from the get-go. Going down his route will let you discover a few revelations regarding Goemon’s past, where he came from and how he ended up as the notorious thief he is now. His route also offers  a couple of plot twists and although it was a little predictable towards the end, it was executed really well where it didn’t feel awkward nor forced. As far as the romance goes, Goemon is a straight up, ladykiller. It was fun to see his relationship with Enju develop all throughout his route. His playful teasing and his easy-going personality will have you falling for him in no time.

  HANZO HATTORI

Mr. stoic ninja

kuudere

Besides, being Lord Ieyasu Tokugawa’s personal guard, Hanzo is also the Tokugawa clan’s shinobi leader. Because of his resounding title as the strongest ninja history has ever known, he is very popular among all the shinobi clans in Japan. He is normally calm and collected but will not hesitate to become ruthless for the success of his mission.

Hanzo is the oldest among the bachelors (and I absolutely love him!) He is, I believe 33 years old, making quite an age gap between him and the heroine Enju, but LOL this is Toyotomi-Tokugawa (Edo 1600’s – 1800’s) period we’re talking about, where huge age gaps among couples are very common… But age aside, let me tell you… Hanzo’s route completely took me by surprise! I have no words! *Breaths heavily* I guess, I was already eyeing this character from the start since Kenjiro Tsuda voiced him. But I wasn’t expecting his arc to be this good that it literally caught me off guard. He ended up becoming my favorite of the entire game!

At first, he started as the very straightforward stoic kind, who’s only doing his master, Lord Tokugawa’s bidding. But after a few encounters where he teams up with the heroine and helps her survive, he begins to slightly soften up, giving us a glimpse of his true adorable fluffy nature. Both Hanzo and Enju go through tremendous character development in this route, especially the heroine. I just love seeing Enju prove herself time and again how much she wanted to make it as a true shinobi while she constantly faces hardships every step of the way (she’s freakin’ cool!) I also love seeing Hanzo unexpectedly supporting her through her struggles. It’s as if, rather than saving her all the time, he wants her to learn to depend on herself instead; and to me, this relationship was truly very refreshing, not to mention absolutely heartwarming. Expect a lot of badass back to back action scenes in this route, where Hanzo and Enju kick some ninja ass!

  CHOJIRO MOMOCHI

Big Brother

Angst! Angst! Angst!

Chojiro is the son of the late leader of Iga, Tanba Momochi . After losing his family and clan in the Tensho Iga War at the age of five, he joined the Koga clan along with the other Iga survivors. Chojiro is also the heroine’s cousin as well as her mentor/trainer. He is a man of a few words and he completely devotes himself to his missions without questions.

I made a mistake playing Chojiro’s route earlier in the game as I wasn’t ready for a sudden whirlwind of angst! At the start, Chojiro’s personality was very closed off, its almost as if he has built a wall before him to keep others away. Because of his tragic past, he doesn’t want to get attached to anyone, afraid he’d lose them at the blink of an eye just like how he lost his parents when he was young. This makes his relationship with Enju a little less intimate from the beginning. As the heroine tries her best to get a closer reach of him, he waves his feelings off because he’s conflicted between succeeding his missions as a shinobi versus his own desire to help Enju and stay by her side.

Chojiro’s route was also the most tragic in the game!😭 Ya’ll better prepare those tissues! Romantic wise, his story was not my favorite. The drama just out-weights the romance on this one. I do love the writing in his route though. It seriously gave me an emotional breakdown I wasn’t prepared for. 😅I suggest playing his route in the middle to get the angst out of the way. This, also kinda gives you more room to recuperate from the heavy drama before jumping into an even more dramatic finish as you do Gekka’s route last.

  KUROYUKI

clever, cunning

soft yand

Kuroyuki is Gekkamaru’s younger brother. Right after he was born, both boys became orphans and were taken in by Enju’s family. He was sent away on an extended mission when he was eight, by the heroine’s father Kando Ueno, who’s also the leader and head chief of the Koga clan. Kuroyuki is also the same age as Enju (16).

Not much is revealed about this character other than he is Gekkamaru’s brother who was sent on a secret mission when he was eight years old. Where did he go? What was he doing for the last eight years he was gone? It was rather questionable how his character (in other routes) always comes and goes sporadically in the plot.

I couldn’t really expound more on Kuroyuki’s arc without entering spoiler territory but going down his route will let you discover one interesting revelation about him and the game’s overarching plot. It was quite satisfying to play Yuki’s route because finally! we get to fill in some plot holes. I fell in love with his story for the same reasons some people are calling it out for. It wasn’t light nor easy-going as Goemon’s or Hanzo’s, it wasn’t tragic as Chojiro’s or Gekkamaru’s. It was dark and I probably wouldn’t have it in any other way. Kudos to Hiro Shimono for breathing extra life to this character!

  GEKKAMARU

best boi

puppy eyes

true route ish?

After losing his family at the age of three, Gekkamaru was adopted by the heroine’s parents along with his younger brother Kuroyuki. Gekkamaru was assigned to be Enju’s trusted bodyguard when they were young and has proven his loyalty and devotion through time by sticking to his role as Enju’s protector. He is wholeheartedly committed to his master (Enju) to a point where he becomes too overprotective of her.

So after going through all kinds of heaps and hooplas of playing and suffering each of the character routes in the game, I was finally on my last one, Gekkamaru. I know you can just play his route whenever but I chose to do his story last for the experience. ohoho!

…and I have no regrets!😭 Gekkamaru’s route started with pure dramatic fluff as expected. It was just so precious and endearing to see how far this man would go for the sake of the heroine. His loyalty and dedication for Enju was such a pure bliss that it even pains me to see him doing too much😭. His route was a combination of action, romance, a side of humor and a whole lot of drama as he and the heroine struggled to survive by each other’s side. I thought to myself, “This story couldn’t get any better or worse, could it?” but then angst hits the fan through plot twists after plot twists (during the last chapters) and this was where the story really picked up. I was at lost for words. I felt really sad, angry and confused. His route put me through a tidal wave of emotions, I had to pause the game for a while, sit in a corner to get my head straight and my breathing in check! lmao! Gekkamaru’s route is like a slow burn, heart-rending gut punch and I absolutely loved it.

  ENJU UENO (Main Heroine)

Enju is a strong heroine and I adore her to bits. Unfortunately, her potentiality to become an even better shinobi was wasted in some routes because of the whole damsel in distress scenarios, with the exception on Hanzo’s and Gekkamaru’s route ~ these were the only story arcs where the heroine was able to hone her skills as a ninja and show us her true strengths.

Enju Ueno was literally, thrown to the wolves when she got caught up into this despicable game of survival, out of the blue. Not only that, but the ordeal she went through of betrayal, loss, and sorrow was absolutely too much to handle for someone her age. Still, despite all the hardships, she chose to live and survive. I was thoroughly impressed by her determination which I believe was one of her strongest points. YES, this is one badass heroine right here folks!

  Side Characters

Ennosuke (Left) – The fastest ninja in the Koga clan. He’s not romanceable, and I don’t think I’d want him as a dateable character either, heh. I ship him with Kyara though. I love the chemistry with both of their characters.

Kyara (Right) – Proud, graceful, responsible, and badass on the battlefield. Her weapon of choice is a “chigirigi” which is similar to the “morning star” in medieval age weaponry. I ship her with Ennosuke. Also, Saori Hayami voices her, so this to me was a plus!

Kasumi (Center) – the cutest, most adorable ninja…ever! She’s the youngest of Chojiro’s disciples. Looks up to Enju and Kyara as her older sisters. I love her so much! *must protecc*

  SYSTEM AND LOCALIZATION I purchased the physical copy of Nightshade (proxy shipped) which lets you choose three language options to start the game with (English, Chinese, Japanese). I can say, that the localization was fairly decent. I didn’t play the PC version, but I asked a few people who owned both PC and Switch copy and as far as their answers go, D3Publisher did not change the English translations for Nightshade on the Switch. They changed the fonts though! D3Publisher is known to deliver decent game localizations. They’re not the best but they’re not disappointing either. I’ve spotted a couple of minor typos in the game, but it’s NOT something that would ruin the whole experience for you.

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The Switch system was very comfortable and very easy to navigate from the jump. They even offer a “rewind” option for you to backtrack scenarios, which to me, was a saving grace. This way, making the correct save files became a piece of cake. The Nintendo Switch version also contains the game’s DLC “Special Content”. These are extra fluff episodes that happened in the middle of a character’s story. They also come with a special CG (one for each story).

  TRAILER

  OVERALL THOUGHTS? (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ It took me a total of 30 hours to finish the game, and none of these 1800 minutes spent were wasted. Yes, I loved every bit of it.

Although the story was set in the Sengoku “Warring” period of Japan. Instead of the usual cliche battleground premise that’s normally used in Sengoku themed animes and VNs. Nightshade’s story focused more on the darker side of politics during the said period. The indirect “battle royale” theme, I admit, was quite bracing and very well paced. It was something I never expected to actually work in an otome game.

Besides the Nightshade’s gorgeous artwork, I wanted to compliment the game’s stunning special effects, such as the leaves falling in the BG, flower petals scattering about  (whenever Enju uses her ninjitsu), and the moving sprites (which played exceptionally well during fight scenes). The voice acting for Nightshade blew me away and I couldn’t have wished for a better seiyuu lineup. I guess my only gripe here was Enju’s inconsistency as the heroine. In some routes, she’s badass while in others, she’s weak and very dependent. Her characteristics as a whole seem to vary depending on who’s the guy she’s with. I still love her as the main protagonist though!

While I’ve enjoyed playing all the routes in Nightshade and their respective stories, the ones that made an impression on me were Hanzo’s, Goemon’s and Gekkamaru’s. Chojiro’s was good but it was too angsty for my taste and while Kuroyuki’s story drove me to the edge of my seat, this is the route where Enju is at her weakest.

Do I recommend this game? YES This is the first ever english otome game in the Switch that I would no doubt recommend to everyone at the drop of a hat. I’m so glad I’ve waited for this port, despite all the STEAM sales that have gone by the previous years 😂 (laughs). To be honest, I was even quite sad when I finished it 😅 and wished there was more content for me to delve into. If you’re having second thoughts whether or not it’s worth shelling out 48 bux to get this game in your Nintendo Switch Library. Here’s my advice: GET IT! This one’s definitely a gem and imo, almost up to par with the big titles (like Code Realize, Hakuoki, CxM). If you want an impressive storyline and characters you can’t ever get enough of, I can’t recommend Nightshade enough!

  CHLO’S RATING: 8/10

Nightshade Review (Nintendo Switch) NIGHTSHADE Release Date:  December 20, 2018 (North America) Developers:  Red Entertainment / LANTERN ROOMS Publishers: D3Publisher…

[eddycurrents]

The Troll Witch & Others: “Makoma”

Words: Mike Mignola | Art: Mike Mignola & Richard Corben | Colours: Dave Stewart | Letters: Clem Robins

Originally published by Dark Horse in Hellboy: Makoma or, A Tale Told by a Mummy in the New York City Explorers’ Club on August 16, 1993 #1-2  | February-March 2006

Collected in Hellboy - Volume 7: The Troll Witch and Others | Hellboy Library Edition - Volume 4 | Hellboy: Complete Short Stories - Volume 2

Plot Summary:

Hellboy listens to the story of Makoma, a giant slayer in Africa, as told by a mummy who bore witness to some of the hero’s deeds and was freed by them.

Reading Notes:

(Note: Pagination does not represent anything within the issues or collections themselves, it is solely in reference to the chapter.)

pg. 1 - Love the establishing shot for the Explorers’ club. And the old-time diving helmet that almost seems a staple of all of these groups.

pg. 1-2 - The story of the expedition to the lost city is interesting, but it’s more telling that Hellboy cares about the Professors’s life, whereas Koman only cares about gaining more loot from antiquity.

pg. 3 - I like how it dovetails into the disappearance of Trevor Bruttenholm and the Cavendish expedition, with this being one of the first historical stories that fits within already established timelines and events.

Also, love young Hellboy.

pg. 4 - The colours that Dave Stewart is using for the flashback are beautiful. Nice soft purple that gives the entire sequence an ephemeral feel.

The small Hellboy figure reminds me of George Herriman.

pg. 5 - It’s always interesting when Hellboy is transported away by an experience not witnessed by those around him.

Also, again, the colours are just gorgeous.

pg. 6 - Wonderful layout. The statues and architecture from Mignola are just amazing. Really enhancing the idea that the mummy’s story is transporting Hellboy elsewhere.

pg. 7 - And Hellboy drifts off to sleep. The structure and content of this story also reminds me of Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s Le Petit Prince for some reason.

pg. 8 - Interesting that Hellboy would be Makoma.

Also, just look at the use of shadow and colour for the reveal of Makoma. Though we know what Hellboy looks like, it’s impressive enough as though we’re seeing him again for the first time. Richard Corben and Dave Stewart really complement one another well.

pg. 10 - The commands for the various quests always seem very strange.

pg. 11 - “To wander... Days... Months... Years...” begins a clever little narrative trick that Mignola’s going to use throughout the story of repetition and the passage of time. It takes the overall theme of cycles and presents it in its most basic form, working in the idea even when you’re not aware of it.

pg. 12 - The design for the first giant, working off a rhino, is incredible.

Also, I love Clem Robins’ sound effects. Working them in as part of the panel is a nice touch. It gives the impression that the “CRAK” is loud enough to even break the bounds of the panel.

pg. 14 - That idea of repetition also comes back through the gathering of the various giants into his sack.

pg. 15 - The elephant-giant is another great design. I also love how lush Corben is drafting the wildlife and flora. It’s just beautiful.

And Mignola poking fun at the idea of putting all of these creatures, even miniaturized after Makoma absorbs their strength, into his sack.

pg. 16 - This one reminds me more of Abe than your average frog monster. I wonder if that was intentional.

pg. 17-18 - Wonderful fight sequence. It’s a testament to the storytelling that though repetition is part of the theme, it never seems boring.

pg. 19 - Another great design for the fire demon/salamander here. The play between shadow and colour is incredible.

pg. 20-21 - Another stunning fight sequence.

pg. 22 - And there’s the temptation, of Makoma becoming Anung Un-Rama. It makes you wonder, though, if this is Hellboy’s transference of his destiny to the Makoma tale or if we’re to take it as though Makoma is a previous incarnation of Hellboy’s spirit, or whatever. I’d kind of lean towards the latter, since the overall theme of this story is repetitive cycles.

pg. 23 - And then we get the renunciation, similar to Hellboy’s own when faced with the choice.

pg. 24 - The “Makoma is great” chant from the fallen giants in his sack is hilarious every time.

pg. 25 - Gorgeous establishing shots.

pg. 27 - Corben reminding us that he’s as adept at the grotesque as anything else.

pg. 28 - Dude’s idea of bliss is messed up. Who would think being a slave or “the endless, dreamless sleep of living death” would be appealing to anyone? I think he’s been out getting baked with his giant sand ants for too long, huffing the fumes from the decomposing flesh of his pals.

pg. 29 - These ants are just neat.

pg. 30-31 - The trick in order to keep the bag is pretty clever. 

pg. 32 - There’s the repetition of cycles through passage of time again. It’s also kind of creepy as the bones begin to pile up.

pg. 33 - And we’re brought full circle to the old woman who commanded him to stick the giants in a sack at the beginning of the tale.

pg. 34 - Who apparently wants sex with Makoma. That’s an unexpected direction, definitely. And she’s not an evil, soul-stealing witch either.

pg. 35 - The repetition again in a slightly different form of Makoma meeting the spirit of Africa, similar to how Hellboy did when he was a kid, is a nice touch. Also, the lions similar to how Hellboy was confronted by them in “The Third Wish”.

pg. 36 - The giants’ fate is horrifying, heartbreaking, even as the old woman tells Makoma what she’s done, and the look on his face is priceless.

pg. 37 - The tears are creepy.

pg. 38 - And the dropping of the glamour, or whatever, that made the old woman look young is a great composition.

Although it is an interesting touch that the giants sacrificed themselves to give the last of their strength to Makoma to face the final battle.

pg. 39 - I just love everything about these three panels. The build-up to the final confrontation is simple, but astounding. Great use of negative space through the bones.

pg. 40 - Makoma vs. The Dragon. Hellboy vs. the Ogdru Jahad. The design for the Dragon is also incredible.

pg. 41-43 - Epic battle.

pg. 44 - And then a shift, from looking like Hellboy in appearance to how you’d probably naturally expect Makoma to look.

pg. 45 - Death and rebirth, and a resumption of the cycle.

pg. 46 - Interesting revelation as to who the mummy is.

pg. 47 - Poor mummy.

Also, I love the repetition of Hellboy’s shocked look by Mignola of the similar panel earlier from Corben when he found out what he’d eaten.

pg. 48 - The matter-of-fact end title cards are hilarious.

Final Thoughts:

“Makoma” kind of has an interesting place in the Hellboy canon in that it blends main narrative themes and concepts with the one-off nature of the various fables and folk tale retellings as well as the bits and pieces of Hellboy’s history to create a story that encapsulates pretty much all of Hellboy in microcosm. If you only wanted to read a single Hellboy tale to get the gist of the broader whole, it would be this one.

It’s a tale that parallels the through line in the main narrative of Ragnarok. Of death and rebirth, of cyclical recurrences, and of destiny and breaking it.

It’s also the first with legendary artist, Richard Corben, proving with every panel as to why he’s a master. Corben is great with weird and horror, but also with presenting, well, just about anything. This was the start of a number of collaborations between Mignola and Corben, with Corben almost becoming the face of the Hellboy history stories for a while (just as Duncan Fegredo would for the present as we’ll see in Darkness Calls).

d. emerson eddy was beaten down and tossed in a sack. Please don’t eat him.

[lovehaswonangelnumbers]

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/thy-kingdom-come/

Thy Kingdom Come

FCGCT Commentary: Mother of All Creation was Jesus as one of her last incarnations in her attempt to ascend the planet. All religious texts and scripture flipped this so that all energy would be sent to a masculine figure, a further representation of how the Cabal has attempted to write the feminine, Mother God, Source, out of their teachings.

Thy Kingdom Come

By Alison Dhuanna via Mahala’s Astrology

There has been so much incredible transformation of consciousness within humanity in the past few years it has at times been difficult to capture it in writing. Alongside these big shifts have been challenging events in Britain threatening to tear families and communities apart which have been some of the most challenging issues in terms of what to do or not do. This has mirrored the election of Trump in the USA and marks a turning point in history. It is in many ways a time to allow ourselves and others to grieve for lost worlds and ideals as we approach the Pluto Saturn conjunction in 2020.

What has been central in my world has been anchoring the 7th Violet Ray of the Atmic body (the auric ‘Thou Kingdom Come’) into the physical body – when this occurs it brings a deep sense of peace, purity of heart and stability and the more spacious thoughts of higher consciousness are able to permeate more and more of daily life.

Energy gathers around the heart centre and it becomes easier to let go of the things bothering or agitating the mind and emotions. Many people are experiencing this already and this will be accelerated at this New Moon 3rd June by the ‘Thy Kingdom Come’ movement of billions of people across the globe praying for peace

At this New Moon at 12 degrees Gemini there is an alignment to Aldebaran one of the four Royal Watcher Stars. You may recall the extraordinary story of Saul who was a persecutor of the followers of Jesus and a military leader of the corrupt Roman State which had just executed him. On the road to Damascus Saul experienced an epiphany which threw him to the ground from his horse and left him blind. His healing three days later describes “scales falling from his eyes”. This is what this New Moon offers, the clarity which flows through the ‘Eye of the Bull’.

The north node is aligned with Juno, Goddess of the Sacred Marriage in watery Cancer. There are many dimensions to understand Juno, and an important one for now is to perceive her as a core energy opening the Seventh Seal of Solomon. As we approach the Mayan Day Out of Time this year it is a year of special significance for the number 7, and also there are important movements of Venus this year which resonate to the number 7 (see below for more on this)

In the past few years you will have heard me say many times that I perceive the opening of the Holy Grail codes through the conjunction of Astraea (Spear of Fire) and Hygiea (Grail Cup). Today however I want to refer to them as the energy of Communion, as an understanding and embodiment of the mysteries of the Eucharist and a profound experience of abundance and togetherness as One Body of life which transcends all religions, nations or even our planetary consciousness. At this New Moon Venus lies in Taurus between these two Goddess asteroids bringing a dancing, creative feminine energy and enhanced experience of Gaia’s profound beauty piercing our collective numbness. Together they are aligned with the Pleaides, the Seven Sisters.

Revelation 2.1–7

‘To the angel of the church in Ephesus write: These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand, who walks among the seven golden lampstands:

This is a profound moment in time where the divine feminine really makes her mark, and to illuminate the way in which the Creator unfolds the great mystery I’d like to return to the story of Paul.

Having had his momentous experience, Paul sets out to be a very unexpected but effective apostle of Christ. He was a military man, so no doubt he had a very well thought out plan for the spread of these teachings across the world. Let us just remember for a moment the revolutionary nature of these teachings; every cultural norm from women’s’ position to cleanliness had been challenged by Jesus.

Paul’s plans though were changed after he had a dream and was sent instead by God to Macedonia in Greece. There by the river he met Lydia, a woman of substantial wealth and independence who traded in purple cloth. She, with her sisters regularly worshipped by a river. When Paul told her his story and that of Jesus, she became the first Apostle of the Western world in what must have been a most holy of places (there is still a church there to this day). Lydia’s story really moved me because she embodies so much of what I have come to know through so many years of struggling to embody these incredible Goddess Asteroid energies. Her sovereignty, royalty and wealth are very much resonant with Juno. Her independence and devotion very much resonate with Vesta the Priestess (in Aries at present moving into conjunction with Uranus). Her ability to take the ideas out into the world with such ease and grace really resonates with Pallas Athena (in Libra at the moment). It is not the first time Jesus takes his teachings first to women Apostles – think of Mary Magdalena at the tomb. Its quite astounding that women have been excluded from some areas of ministry for so long – though I am happy to say there is pretty much a gender balance now in the Church of England. When the male and female work together with dignity and respect miracles happen and this it seems from the story of Lydia, was always God’s plan. We have been wondering around in the desert for a long time figuring that out it seems. The Goddess Asteroids are the heavenly bodies which in some mysterious way transmit these ways of being to us.

Time as we know is fractal and holographic, and I feel a great deal may be learnt from how things have unfolded before and these patterns repeat themselves down the ages. Christ consciousness is here among, it is the Communion and feeling of deep belonging in the web of life.

In this next week as part of the Global Thy Kingdom Come movement, I would like to invite you to pray for 5 people every day who you would like to know the compassion and true nature of the Creator; for the scales to fall from their eyes. We can create amazing synergy in this way in the web of life and praying for others is one of the best ways I have experienced of truly connecting with the suffering and experience of humanity, and not getting too caught up in our own emotional turmoil. These prayers may be body prayers or art works, poems or stories.

Above is a painting I did of Lydia’s baptism with her sisters and the second painting below that was swimming in an Iodine infinity pool recently and feeling a complete sense of surrender and the Aqua ray of this feeling of “communion”. I’ve heard of a few others experiencing this Aqua ray recently and I feel it is very much connected to this new level of energy anchoring heaven to earth, all around and everywhere in the web of life. The number of Christ Consciousness is 33, another number which may pop up for you this year.

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[orthodoxydaily]

Saints&Reading: Sunday, March 25, 2108

Annunciation Most Holy Theotokos

The Feast of the Annunciation is one of the earliest Christian feasts, and was already being celebrated in the fourth century. There is a painting of the Annunciation in the catacomb of Priscilla in Rome dating from the second century. The Council of Toledo in 656 mentions the Feast, and the Council in Trullo in 692 says that the Annunciation was celebrated during Great Lent.

The Greek and Slavonic names for the Feast may be translated as “good tidings.” This, of course, refers to the Incarnation of the Son of God and the salvation He brings. The background of the Annunciation is found in the Gospel of Saint Luke (1:26-38). The troparion describes this as the “beginning of our salvation, and the revelation of the eternal mystery,” for on this day the Son of God became the Son of Man.

There are two main components to the Annunciation: the message itself, and the response of the Virgin. The message fulfills God’s promise to send a Redeemer (Genesis 3:15): “I will put enmity between you and the woman, between your seed and her seed; he shall crush your head, and you shall lie in wait for his heel.” The Fathers of the Church understand “her seed” to refer to Christ. The prophets hinted at His coming, which they saw dimly, but the Archangel Gabriel now proclaims that the promise is about to be fulfilled.

We see this echoed in the Liturgy of Saint Basil, as well: “When man disobeyed Thee, the only true God who had created him, and was deceived by the guile of the serpent, becoming subject to death by his own transgressions, Thou, O God, in Thy righteous judgment, didst send him forth from Paradise into this world, returning him to the earth from which he was taken, yet providing for him the salvation of regeneration in Thy Christ Himself.”

The Archangel Gabriel was sent by God to Nazareth in Galilee. There he spoke to the undefiled Virgin who was betrothed to Saint Joseph: “Hail, thou who art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women. And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name Jesus. He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Most High: and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David: And he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there shall be no end.”

In contrast to Eve, who was readily deceived by the serpent, the Virgin did not immediately accept the Angel’s message. In her humility, she did not think she was deserving of such words, but was actually troubled by them. The fact that she asked for an explanation reveals her sobriety and prudence. She did not disbelieve the words of the angel, but could not understand how they would be fulfilled, for they spoke of something which was beyond nature.

Then said Mary unto the angel, “How shall this be, seeing I know not a man?” (Luke 1:34).

“And the angel answered and said unto her, ‘The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Most High shall overshadow thee: therefore also that which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God. And, behold, thy cousin Elisabeth hath also conceived a son in her old age: and this is the sixth month with her, who was called barren. For with God nothing shall be impossible.’ And Mary said, ‘Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.’ And the angel departed from her.” (Luke 1: 35-38)

In his Sermon 23 on the day of the Annunciation, Saint Philaret of Moscow boldly stated that “the word of the creature brought the Creator down into the world.” He explains that salvation is not merely an act of God’s will, but also involves the Virgin’s free will. She could have refused, but she accepted God’s will and chose to cooperate without complaint or further questions.

The icon of the Feast shows the Archangel with a staff in his left hand, indicating his role as a messenger. Sometimes one wing is upraised, as if to show his swift descent from heaven. His right hand is stretched toward the holy Virgin as he delivers his message.

The Virgin is depicted either standing or sitting, usually holding yarn in her left hand. Sometimes she is shown holding a scroll. Her right hand may be raised to indicate her surprise at the message she is hearing. Her head is bowed, showing her consent and obedience. The descent of the Holy Spirit upon her is depicted by a ray of light issuing from a small sphere at the top of the icon, which symbolizes heaven. In a famous icon from Sinai, a white dove is shown in the ray of light.

There are several famous icons of the Annunciation. One is in the Moscow Kremlin in the church of the Annunciation. This icon appeared in connection with the rescue of a prisoner by the Mother of God during the reign of Ivan the Terrible. Another is to be found in the Dormition Cathedral in Moscow (July 8). It was originally located in Ustiug, and was the icon before which Saint Procopius the fool (July 8) prayed to save the city from destruction in 1290. One of the most highly revered icons in Greece is the Tinos icon of the Annunciation (January 30).

The Annunciation falls during Lent, but it is always celebrated with great joy. The Liturgy of Saint Basil or Saint John Chrysostom is served, even on the weekdays of Lent. It is one of the two days of Great Lent on which the fast is relaxed and fish is permitted (Palm Sunday is the other).

Hebrew 9:11-14

The Heavenly Sanctuary

11 But Christ came as High Priest of the good things to come,[a] with the greater and more perfect tabernacle not made with hands, that is, not of this creation. 12 Not with the blood of goats and calves, but with His own blood He entered the Most Holy Place once for all, having obtained eternal redemption. 13 For if the blood of bulls and goats and the ashes of a heifer, sprinkling the unclean, sanctifies for the purifying of the flesh, 14 how much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without spot to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?

Mark 10:32-45

Jesus a Third Time Predicts His Death and Resurrection

32 Now they were on the road, going up to Jerusalem, and Jesus was going before them; and they were amazed. And as they followed they were afraid. Then He took the twelve aside again and began to tell them the things that would happen to Him: 33 “Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be betrayed to the chief priests and to the scribes; and they will condemn Him to death and deliver Him to the Gentiles; 34 and they will mock Him, and scourge Him, and spit on Him, and kill Him. And the third day He will rise again.”

Greatness Is Serving

35 Then James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to Him, saying, “Teacher, we want You to do for us whatever we ask.”

36 And He said to them, “What do you want Me to do for you?”

37 They said to Him, “Grant us that we may sit, one on Your right hand and the other on Your left, in Your glory.”

38 But Jesus said to them, “You do not know what you ask. Are you able to drink the cup that I drink, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with?”

39 They said to Him, “We are able.”

So Jesus said to them, “You will indeed drink the cup that I drink, and with the baptism I am baptized with you will be baptized; 40 but to sit on My right hand and on My left is not Mine to give, but it is for those for whom it is prepared.”

41 And when the ten heard it, they began to be greatly displeased with James and John. 42 But Jesus called them to Himself and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers over the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. 43 Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. 44 And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all.45 For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

New King James Version Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. All rights reserved.

Source OCA

[weekendwarriorblog]

WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND April 19, 2019  - THE CURSE OF LA LLORONA, BREAKTHROUGH, PENGUINS

Yay! Another week where I haven’t seen any of the new releases! This is what happens when studios offer a single press screening rather than a few options, I guess.

After a rather dismal weekend, this weekend sees the release of a mixed bag of movies that will wrap-up the winter/spring movie season before Avengers: Endgame comes along and just destroys everything else in theaters. This is also Easter weekend and with no schools and many being off work for Good Friday, we’ll see a large bump with most movies being frontloaded for the weekend. (Easter Sunday is usually reserved for family meals, Easter egg hunts, etc, so not as much movie business.)

Beginning on Wednesday, we have two relatively family-friendly films in Fox 2000’s faith-based BREAKTHROUGH  (20thCentury Fox) and DisneyNature’s PENGUINS  (Walt Disney Pictures), again, neither which I’ve seen. The first is a higher-profile faith-based drama that’s being released in perfect timing with Easter, but unlike the movies of PureFlix, I feel that the marketing campaign could bring in a wider audience, especially with popular actors like Chrissy Metz, Topher Grace, Mike Colter and Dennis Haysbert.  Penguinsis another Disney nature doc, this one a cute story about a penguin named Steve, voiced by Ed Helms, and its G-rating will help make it a choice for family with young kids over the holiday weekend.

Then on Friday (or rather, Thursday night) comes the latest horror film from producer James Wan, THE CURSE OF LA LLORONA (New Line/WB), which looks like another solid scare-fest even if the reviews out of SXSW weren’t as strong as the ones for Pet Sematary (which I still haven’t seen!) and Us (which I’ve seen twice). I’m definitely interested in checking it out, especially the work of director Michael Chaves, who has already been attached to direct the next Conjuring movie (although this one is not related).

Opening in 300 theaters Wednesday is the Bollywood release KALANK (FIP), directed by Abhishek Varman, a romantic drama about six characters looking for love in the town of Husnabad, North India.

Also opening fairly wide this weekend is Michael Berry’s adaptation of Riley Thomas’ stage musical Stuck (Eammon Films), starring Giancarlo Esposito, Amy Madigan, Omar Chaparroand Ashanti as four of six New York commuters stuck on a subway car, as they sing their stories to each other. Sounds more fun than what normally happens in New York when the subway car stops between stations.

Apparently, Bleecker Street plans on expanding Max Minghella’s Teen Spirit, starring Elle Fanning, wider, although I don’t have a theater count at this point in time, so I’m not sure if it’s expanding enough to get into the top 10 or how many areas it will be in.

LIMITED RELEASES

My favorite movie of the weekend is Pamela Green’s doc BE NATURAL: THE UNTOLD STORY OF ALICE GUY-BLACHÉ (Zeitgeist), which will open in L.A.  at the Laemmle Monica Film Center then move to NYC on April 26. If you don’t know who Alice Guy-Blaché is then you really need to see this movie, since she was such an important part of cinema history. She was there from the very gestation of cinema in France as the first female director who was making so many inroads into various filmmaking techniques while being mostly ignored by the men in the industry, including those who documented the history of cinema. This is an amazing film to see all of Ms. Guy’s accomplishments, while also being demeaned by a philandering husband who took credit for much of her accomplishments. I was also amazed to learn while watching this film that Fort Lee, New Jersey used to be the hub of cinema in the early 20thCentury before Guy’s husband and others moved to California and set up Hollywood, mainly to get away from paying fees to Tom Edison. This is an amazing doc that I recommend highly if you consider yourself a film buff on any level.

Another great doc opening this week – New York on Weds and in L.A. Friday – is Penny Lane’s new one HAIL SATAN? (Magnolia), which explores the Satanic Temple and its leader Lucien Greaves, who have created a political movement around the ideas that church and state should be kept separate. They do this by raising funds to set-up statues of Baphomet on the same capital grounds where governments have set-up statues of the Ten Commandments. They also do this with a sense of humor that reminds me of The Yes Men, whose own pranks have been documented well in film. Either way, this movie is not what you might think i.e. it’s not a commercial for Satanism as in the type that sacrifices babies. It’s just a group that uses the name of Satan to fight for religious freedom.

Gugu Mbatha-Raw plays a woman who goes on the run after her superpowers are discovered in Julia Hart’s FAST COLOR (Codeblack Films). This opens in select cities this week, and I’ve reviewed it over at The Beat.

It Follows director David Robert Mitchell’s new noir thriller UNDER THE SILVER LAKE (A24) seems to be getting dumped with a quick release in New York and L.A. on Friday before debuting for streaming on Amazon Monday.  I guess the mixed reviews it got at its premiere at Cannes last year didn’t help matters.  It stars Andrew Garfield as 33-year-old Sam who discovers the mysterious Sarah (Riley Kough) in his apartment swimming pool, but when she vanishes, he goes looking through L.A. to find what happened to her. I haven’t seen the movie yet, but it’s looking unlikely I’ll see it in theaters now.

Dame Judi Dench stars in Trevor Nunn’s RED JOAN (IFC Films), playing Joan Stanley, a widow living in retirement when the British Secret Service arrests her for giving classified information to the Soviets for decades. Based on a true story, it will open at the Landmark 57 and IFC Center in New York as well as other theaters and On Demand.

Tessa Thompson and Lilly James star in Nia DaCosta’s feature film directorial debut LITTLE WOODS (NEON), which premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival last year, at which DaCosta won the Nora Ephron award. Thompson plays Ollie, a North Dakota woman who was once arrested for smuggling prescription drugs across the border, something she gives up until her pregnant sister Deb (James) shows up needing $3,000 to save their family home. I’m hoping to catch it again sometime this week, since I want to give it another chance.

Currently playing on DirecTV and opening in select theaters and On Demand Friday is Fred Wolf’s DRUNK PARENTS (Vertical Entertainment), starring Alec Baldwin and Salma Hayek. Semi-wealthy Frank and Nancy Teagarten are dropping their daughter off at college just before the repo man shows up at their door, so they do some drinking and hold a yard sale as to hide their deteriorating wealth.

Orange is the New Black star Taylor Schilling stars in Laura Steinel’s Family  (The Film Arcade) as career-focused Kate Stone, who is asked by her estranged brother to babysit her ‘tween niece Maddie, as one night turns into a week.

Prolific Korean auteur Hong Sang-soo’s new movie Grass  (Cinema Guild), will open at the Metrograph in New York. It’s a rather talkie piece that involves a bunch of people talking to each other in a café where a young woman (Kim Min-hee) eavesdrops and adds their characters to her story.  I’m generally mixed on Hong Sang-soo, and this one seems a bit more artsy with less of a narrative, but I assume diehard fans will enjoy it.

Wanuri Kahui’s Kenyan coming-of-age drama Rafiki (Film Movement), the first Kenyan film to show at Cannes, will open at BAM on Friday. It follows the journey of Kena and Ziki, two young woman whose fathers are rival political candidates but who have formed a bond of friendship.

Just in time for 4/20 comes Robert Ryan’s doc Breaking Habits (Good Deed Entertainment) about Christine Meeusen’s decision to leave her cheating husband of 17 years with her three kids, reinventing herself as Sister Kate and setting up a cannabis farming business that would become the Sisters of the Valley medicinal marijuana empire.

Also, a reminder that Terry Gilliam’s The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, starring Adam Driver and Jonathan Pryce, is supposed to get a limited release this weekend after its Fathom Events “one night only,” although I have no idea of number of theaters or locations or anything.

LOCAL FESTIVALS

As with every weekend, there’s a lot going on, and in New York, up at the Film Society of Lincoln Center, they’re kicking off this year’s ART OF THE REAL on Thursday and running through April 28. The Opening Night film is Frank Beauvais’ Just Don’t Think I’ll Scream, compiling the thoughts and revelations of the filmmaker. I haven’t been able to get to any of the press screenings, but it usually has an interesting and diverse line-up which you can read more about at the link.

REPERTORY

METROGRAPH (NYC):

Fans of Brazilian cinema will want to check out some of the Metrograph’s new series about Brazilian filmmaker Nelson Pereira dos Santos, which runs from Friday through April 28. The movies range from his groundbreaking 1955 doc Rio, 40º to 2011’s The Music According to Tom Jobim with nine films, few of which have received distribution in North America. This week’s Late Nites at Metrographinclude Sion Sono’s Anti-Porno and Bertrando Bonello’s 2011 film L’Appollonide (House of Tolerance), neither which I’ve seen, but the weekend’s  Playtime: Family Matineesis Disney’s The Love Bug, one of my absolute favorite films from childhood.

THE NEW BEVERLY  (L.A.):

Besides showing Henri-Georges Clouzet’s murder-mystery Quai Des Orfevres on Wednesday afternoon, Tarantino’s rep theater is showing double features of Hitchcock’s Family Plot  (1976) and the thriller Black Sunday  (1977) on Weds. and Thurs, the classic Jack Lemmon-Walter Matthau The Odd Couple (1968) and Robert Redford/Jane Fonda’s Barefoot in the Park (1967) on Friday, then Cheech and Chong’s Next Movie (1980) and Ice Cube’s Friday (1995) on Saturday. This weekend’s KIDDEE MATINEE is a surprisingly recent movie in Universal’s Hop – cause it’s Easter weekend, get it? – and the midnight movies are The Hateful Eight on Friday night and the 1981 John Belushi-Dan Aykroyd movie Neighbors on Saturday. Sunday and Monday are double features of Only When I Laugh (1981) and I Oughtta Be in Pictures (1982). Monday afternoon is a screening of Martin Scorsese’s 1999 film Bringing Out the Dead, starring Nicolas Cage and Patricia Arquette.

FILM FORUM (NYC):

One of the repertory series I’m most excited about since first hearing about it is the Film Forum’s latest series “Trilogies,” which this weekend will show all three of Francis Ford Coppola’s The Godfather trilogy, and Sergio Leone’s Western trilogy with Clint Eastwood: A Fistful of Dollars (1964), For a Few Dollars More (1966) and The Good, The Bad and the Ugly (1966). This weekend is also the start of Masaki Kobayashi’s The Human Condition, while Monday is a trilogy of films by Jacques Beckere called his “Paris Youth Trilogy,” including Antoine and Antoinette.  Sadly, they don’t seem to be showing Edgar Wright’s Three Cornetto Trilogy as part of the series. :( This weekend’s Film Forum Jr. is the 1985 crime-comedy Clue, based on the board game.

EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):

Word came out last week that Netflix is looking to buy the Egyptian, so hope they retain the repertory programming. Thursday is the new restoration of Bjork’s 1990 movie The Juniper Tree, Friday night there is a Brian Yuzna double feature of Society and Bride of Re-Animator, both from 1989 with Yuzna in attendance. Saturday sees a TRIPLE feature of Sam Raimi’s Army of Darkness (1992), Waxwork  (1988) and Fulci’s The Beyond (1985), all in 35mm!

AERO  (LA):

The Aero’s “Classic Movie Clowns” series begins Thursday with a Harold Lloyd-Buster Keaton double feature of Safety Last! (1923) and The Navigator (1924), Charlie Chaplin’s The Great Dictator (1940) plays on Friday, as well as a series of Silent Comedy Shorts (with live music!) on Saturday, as well as Laurel and Hardy’s Sons of the Desert (1933) along with their shorts Brats and Helpmates. Easter Sunday sees a collection of Bugs Bunny and Friends animated shorts and a double feature of Richard Kelly’s Donnie Darko (2001) and Sam Raimi’s The Evil Dead  (1981).

IFC CENTER (NYC)

The IFC Center started its spring series last weekend, but I received the info too late to include. This weekend’s Waverly Midnights: ParentalGuidance is Hitchcock’s Psycho, while the Weekend Classics: LoveMom and Dad is Terms of Endearment and Late Night Favorites: Springis David Fincher’s Fight Club.

MOMA (NYC):

Modern Matinees: B is for Bacall this week shows the 1947 film Dark Passage on Weds, Howard Hawk’s To Have and Have Not  (1944) Thurs, and The Big Sleep  (1946) on Friday. Also the What Price Hollywood series continues with Clarence Brown’s 1931 film A Free Soul and Josef von Sternberg’s 1934 film The Scarlet Empress on Weds, the 1939 film Midnight and 1935’s Sylvia Scarlett on Thursday and more. They’re also showing Franco Rosso’s Babylonover the weekend.

MUSEUM OF THE MOVING IMAGE (NYC):

This week’s series is See it Big! Action with screenings of Raiders of the Lost Ark, Seven Samurai, Anne of the Indiesand The Adventures of Robin Hood. On Good Friday, the family program is the animated Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit.

QUAD CINEMA (NYC):

The Quad continues its Wild Things: The Ferocious Films of Nelly Kaplan this weekend with Charles and Lucie, Néa, The Pleasure of Love and more.

BAM CINEMATEK (NYC):

Thursday ends the The Anarchic Cinema of Věra Chytilováseries of the Czech film star.

LANDMARK THEATRES NUART  (LA):

This Friday’s midnight offering is Panos Costamos’ too recent to be repertory Mandy, starring Nicolas Cage.

STREAMING AND CABLE

Streaming on Netflix this week is Jennifer Kaytin Robinson’s SOMEONE GREAT, starring Jane the Virgin’s Gina Rodriguez as an aspiring music journalst trying to get her dream job at a magazine, even though that would mean moving to San Francisco. Her boyfriend of nine years (Lakeith Stanfield) decides to break up so she and her two best friends (DeWanda Wise, Brittany Snow) decide to go out for one last adventure in New York City.

[homedevises]

23 Doubts About Minimalist Interiors You Should Clarify | minimalist interiors

These stand-out homes accept been alleged amid the best in the country, and it is all because they action article appropriate aback it comes to their use of materials. 

33 Teatro Ramos Carrión Francisco Ferriol. Amp. J González, J. Morales y J.M. Romero 21997 – minimalist interiors | minimalist interiors

Whether it is a seashell aisle or a home clad in a copse that is about absurd to assignment through, anniversary of these backdrop has been shortlisted for the Royal British Institute of Architect’s Abode of the Year for their abnormal access to raw materials. 

The homes beyond the UK are showcased in tonight’s episode of Channel 4’s Grand Designs: Abode of the Year and accomplish up the final shortlist class of this year’s competition. 

Presenter Kevin McCloud and the console of board attending at amazing examples including an ultra-modern Arts and Crafts abode in Berkshire, which stands out for its anxiously placed balk panels and absolute brickwork.

Elsewhere the aggregation appointment a minimalist home in Belfast, whose asperous Scottish Larch cladding earns it comparisons to a liveable afford – abundant to the contentment of its owner. 

In east London, there is a four-storey acreage whose owners capital to advertise every accompany and action abaft the build.  

Scroll bottomward for a attending central the latest crop of contenders for the 2018 Abode of the Year title, advanced of the all-embracing champ actuality announced. 

BERKSHIRE HOUSE 

Ultra-modern country home: The Berkshire House, in Berkshire, is a beauteous aggregate of anxiously placed bricks, balk cladding an amazing floor-to-ceiling windows that flood the acreage with light 

Minimalist living: The Berkshire Abode appearance huge bottle doors in the centermost of the abode that brings ablaze central to the minimalist appearance dining room, which is busy with apparent blah artery (pictured). The abode was congenital on acreage endemic by Gary’s parents and the brace agape bottomward the ancestors home to body their dream property

Surrounded by acceptable homes in the Berkshire countryside is the ultra avant-garde Berkshire House.

All of their lives owners Gary and Sam dreamed of one day owning a categorical and avant-garde home and spent three years architectonics their dream property.

‘The dream was to accept a actual avant-garde actual minimalistic home,’ Sam said. 

The home was congenital on acreage endemic by Gary’s parents on which the ancestors home already stood, but was agape bottomward to accomplish way for the new building. 

Bringing the alfresco in: The active allowance has the aforementioned ample bottle windows that lets the ancestors relax while activity like they are still alfresco in the ample garden (pictured). The house’s interiors are fabricated up of adequate aloof tones, minimalistic appliance and apparent brickwork

Minimalist Luxury From Asia: 3 Stunning Homes By Free Interior – minimalist interiors | minimalist interiors

Careful planning: The building, which sits in the average of added acceptable homes, has been clad in 2,000 balk panels (pictured), which are all absolutely 75mm advanced with a 15mm gap in amid them. The panels advance presenter Kevin McCleod to call the acreage as an ‘arts and crafts’ house

The best arresting affection of the acreage are the Swiss-made six accent alpine sliding doors in the centre of the home, which counterbalance bisected a tonne anniversary and had to be aerial in by crane.

Described by McCloud as an ‘arts and crafts’ house, the accomplished architectonics has been clad in 2,000 balk panels, which are all exactly 75mm advanced with a 15mm gap in amid them.

Inside are bristles bedrooms, a active breadth and a categorical kitchen with abstruse cupboards ambuscade toilets, a bar and a affable area. The interiors are fabricated up of aloof tones, minimalistic appliance and apparent brickwork that has been placed in altogether beeline lines.

The bulk of the architectonics wasn’t revealed, but itwon aerial acclaim from RBIA judges, who alleged it a ‘pristine and bright exemplar’ of avant-garde housing. 

NUMBER 37 

Creative solution: In Belfast, Northern Ireland, stands the Number 37 abode (pictured), which carefully resembles two atramentous sheds rather than a home for a couple. It bulk aloof 12 months and £100,000 to architectonics and body the house

When their accouchement larboard home, Grainne and Alistair Cumming capital to ‘downsize and declutter’ and absitively to actualize a baby active amplitude in Belfast, Northern Ireland, in actuality it is the aboriginal abode on the shortlist.

The Number 37 house, which took 12 months and aloof £100,000 to build, resembles a atramentous afford and has diminished aggregate the brace charge to accord them aloof the appropriate bulk of appliance and active space.

Under the larboard roof is a baby active allowance and kitchen with aloof one worktop for aliment alertness and a ‘minuscule’ sink. Under the appropriate roof is a bath and bedroom, while accession bedchamber sits on a balustrade overlooking the accomplished space.

The architectonics is clad in Scottish Larch, which is about absurd to assignment through so the brace had to import fixings from Austria, abnormally advised to go through this affectionate of close adhering wood. 

Stripping back: Owners Grainne and Alistair Cumming capital to ‘downsize and declutter’ afterwards their accouchement larboard home and their new abode is about demography up as beneath amplitude as possible, demography alone what they need. Their kitchen (pictured) has aloof one worktop for aliment alertness and a ‘minuscule’ sink

Less is more: The owners acclimated abstracts as allotment of their decor, including their dining table (pictured) which is fabricated of bald plywood. The exoteric of the houses uses rainwater pipes as adornment and there is annihilation in the garden but case ordered from Gumtree for £70, which they put bottomward themselves

Materials became allotment of the artwork in the house, with bald plywood acclimated as a dining allowance table and rainwater pipes acclimated as adornment on the exterior.

Granada | Cathedral Interior | Floor IMG_2462 – minimalist interiors | minimalist interiors

The garden is acutely bald with case on the floor, which the brace ordered for £70 from Gumtree and put bottomward themselves. 

And Grainne is blessed with the comparisons to a shed, explaining: ‘I adulation sheds I adulation barrio fabricated of wood, I anticipate everybody does. If that looks like a afford I’m blessed with that.’ 

RBIA board accepted the house’s individuality, anecdotic it as ‘playful’ and  a ‘joy’ to attending at. 

THE MAKERS’ HOUSE 

Attention to detail: The Makers’ Abode (pictured) in East London is a arresting accession to the acceptable architectonics in the burghal street. The absolute abode is busy with arbitrary pieces, such as apparent animate supports (pictured alfresco the advanced door) and bald board doors and fixtures

On display: Buyer David Liddicoat, who advised the abode with his wife Sophie, said they capital visitors to be able to see the assignment that went into the abode by seeing the joists and accessories on affectation wherever they turn. Pictured: The property’s kitchen, dining breadth and garden

Making a account in a artery of acceptable houses in London’s east end is the Makers’ House, whose designers revelled in assuming off all the capacity of their adamantine work.

The acreage has apparent joists, bald animate abutment poles and flashes of plywood in the brick work, and took builders 10 hour canicule on armpit and four years in absolute to complete.

Owner David Liddicoat, who advised the abode with his wife Sophie, explained: ‘We capital you to be able to attending at any accustomed allotment and realise how it was made. You can see every action and every bit of assignment that’s gone into it.’

The arbitrary abode is set over four floors, with a split level kitchen and active allowance on the lower arena level, two bedrooms with en suites on the aboriginal attic and two added bed on additional floor. There is additionally a cinema allowance in basement.

Resourceful: RBIA board accepted the house’s praised the house’s ‘very aerial akin of inventiveness’ in both its architectonics and decor. The abode is adapted with huge windows to accompany in accustomed ablaze into the home. Pictured: One of the four bedrooms in the acreage with recycled attic from a bus depot

Moving on: The brace accept aback confused out of the abode afterwards affable their additional adolescent and it awash for £782,000 beforehand this year. Pictured: The dining breadth with the couple’s artworks on affectation and a glimpse of the applique acclimated to assure visitors from falling bottomward the stairs (left)

From the seashells alive as alluvium in the advanced garden to a adaptable net endlessly visitors from falling bottomward the stairs, the abode is abounding of different architectonics details.

The Rhodesian-mahogany attic was recycled from an old bus annex and the brace had abolish old cement stains from 40,000 pieces by hand.

– minimalist interiors | minimalist interiors

The bedmate and wife duo absitively the abode was too baby for them aback they had their additional adolescent and afterwards aloof six weeks on the bazaar it awash for £782,000 beforehand this year. 

RIBA board accepted the house’s ‘very aerial akin of inventiveness’ and accepted the way the apparent joists and constituent formed together.

OATLANDS 

Growing out: Oatlands (pictured) in burghal Surrey has an ultra-modern addendum to the rear that contains a new kitchen, active area, alfresco basement breadth and an alien art flat for mural designer  and buyer Rosie to assignment in while accepting a abounding appearance of her own garden

Old and new: Rosie and her bedmate Barry weren’t able to get planning permission to change the advanced of their compatible abode and so absitively to accomplish the aback of their home modern. Pictured: The couple’s glassy new kitchen that through its huge bottle doors gives angle of their garden outside

Tucked abroad in burghal Surrey is Oatlands, which hides an ultra-modern rear addendum that makes it angle out from all the added 1930s red artery houses.

The extension, of which the account wasn’t revealed, has been done in a minimalist appearance with anemic brick and attic to beam bottle doors, and houses a new kitchen, active allowance as able-bodied as a abstracted flat space.

Thanks to the bottle surrounds sitting appropriate in the average of the garden’s vegetation, the addendum feels like it is at one with the attributes about it.

Family living: RBIA board alleged the addendum ‘delightful’ and said the activity ‘demonstrates a aerial affection and able resourcefulness’. Pictured: The family’s dogs relax in their new active allowance area, which has been busy with aloof colours and minimalistic furnishings

Before the build: The couple’s abode looked like any added in their artery afore the addendum (pictured), but they absitively to accomplish their home different with an ultra-modern twits at the rear 

Rosie, who owns the abode with her bedmate Barry and uses the flat in her assignment as a mural designer, said: ‘It’s a admirable amplitude to assignment in, it’s got angle appropriate assimilate the garden and it reflects the architectonics of the buildings.’

The brace weren’t able to get planning permission to change the advanced of their compatible abode and so absitively to accomplish the aback of their home modern.

RBIA board alleged the addendum ‘delightful’ and said the activity ‘demonstrates a aerial affection and able resourcefulness’.  

Grand Designs: Abode of the Year affectedness tonight at 8pm on Channel 4

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[thedivinefish]

TGIWednesday and prolaiming YOUR independence!

TGIWednesday News

TODAY JULY 4th at 3pm EDT Jimmy will be co-hosting on the Spiritual Insights Show with Charlotte Spicer. Call in LIVE and get a free reading (347) 934-0751     Listen here online Hey hey, the early reviews are coming in for the super special new audio MP3 being released next Wed. July 11th- MyBeliefworks™ Daily GPS Reset - Fishing the Files. "I definitely feel a sense of peace listening to these meditations. This is very comprehensive and covers all of the different aspects of one's day and the issues for each part of the day which need "reprogrammed." I appreciated the additional emergency portion because it was very comforting. It felt like a cosmic hug! After finishing, I just knew everything was going to be alright. Another great program. Much gratitude." - K.M. "OMG I love this and I have only done the morning routine! Anna is asking me to email this to her!  It is AMAZING! I feel so good already.' My liquid Fish GPS reset is an amazing miracle in my life. It has helped me through a very traumatic event in my life and within the first day of hear I feel profoundly better. Jimmy is a miracle worker and the GPS download is by far the best download that I have ever used. I felt the changes taking place instantly!" - A.P. / Florida Want to know how YOU could have gotten this new audio mp3 for FREE?  Click here.

TGIWednesday Download

~ PROCLAIMING YOUR INDEPENDENCE ~ It is safe and comfortable for me to be my own being and under my own spiritual connection.  I am ready, willing and able to be the best and highest spiritual being possible in this and any other lifetime thus far.  I am being shown, when, where, how and why it is safe and comfortable to be myself, and to be independent without having to be co dependent on others.  I can be alone without feeling lonely and every day in every way my life improves. I am asking in all languages and across all timelines and so it is!  

Live Shows and Replays

THE JIMMY MACK HEALING SHOW

Every Tuesday at 12pm ET Call in LIVE (713) 955-0594 (*New time starting July 31st - Tuesdays at 9pm ET/ 6pm PT)  

Imagine getting FREE intuitive messages and healings LIVE!  Well, it happens every week on my radio show with some of the best psychic readers & intuitive healers on the planet!  Tune in weekly for the FREE live show or replay and YOU will receive changes & healings just by listening!  To listen online, click the date links below. Listen to Yesterday's Replay - MORRIGHAN LYNNE is a renowned Spiritual Medium, Psychic Empath, Clairvoyant, Intuitive Coach, Ordained Minister, Paranormal Investigator, and published Author.   JULY 10th DANIEL THE HEALER Healer/Metaphysician/Spiritual Elder extraordinare, radio show host Living In Bliss www.danielthehealer.com   JULY 17th REV DR KIMBERLY MAROONEY Intuitive Readings and Angelologist http://kimberlymarooney.com/angel-blessings   JULY 24th KELLY M BALLARD 4th Generation Medium and Intuitive Reader http://www.reflectiveharmony.com   JULY 31st REV. DEBBIE DIENSTBIER, our in residence Transmedium Communications with your loved one’s in heaven Important time change 9pm ET

  Browse the interview archives here.

Live In-Person Appearances

LIVE SESSIONS AT SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH July 30th from 10am to 5pm I will be seeing clients at my good friend Charla Tempone’s office at Swann Holistic Health Center in Tampa.  Please call their office directly in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes 33$’s 30-minutes 65$ - and yes it will sell out! 39 A DAVIS BLVD. TAMPA, FL 33606 (813) 873-7773 LIVE AT KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS TAMPA

BOTH Wed & Fri 10am - 2pm! Tampa Bay area locals can book a live session with me EVERY WEDNESDAY & FRIDAY from 10-2PM Call Kodawari's front desk directly to schedule (813) 773-4017 and pay at the concierge desk... 15 minutes 33$ or 30 minutes 65$. UPCOMING SCHEDULE 10-2pm: Wednesday: July 11th, 18th, 25th Friday: July 6th, 13th, 20th, 27th

3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa (813) 773-4017 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/

Fish Food 

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations  

July 4th - "Today I will accept that which I cannot change and do the best that I can with all people, places, and things. I will endeavor to make the effort. Pass or fail, good or bad, I will remain judgment free and in the present. I will celebrate my independence from the food chain of life and revel in the fact that I can make a difference." Buy the book and read all 365 Days

From the Fish Box

"Jerry and I are very grateful for your session! Thank you so very much for all your kindness, Magic and heartwarming love! He is starting his new job at the Melbourne campus in two weeks. He will live in a tent at the camping on the base not far from there before we will figure out what we can get approved for financing to have a property or boat to live in for him and us to visit. Salary is a lot less then he made here, but he is very excited and looking for extra classes to teach online or other schools in FL as part time. Meanwhile for my business it is season here and I'm hoping to help budget as well. Thank you again my beautiful friend, May Universe to fill you with blessings. Enjoy your holiday weekend! Much love." - E.J. / Florida

Receive 24/7 Daily Prayers From Jimmy

Got a job interview next week?  Going to court? Trying to get a mortgage? Surgery scheduled for you or a loved one?  These are just some of the life at the crossroads events that are ideal for My Daily Prayer program. I am doing the heavy lifting for you around 3AM while you’re asleep in order to smooth out your way. YES!  My Liquid Fish® Change made simple® works on legal issues too!  Even the nightmares of family court/child custody/divorce cases!!! I will dial into you daily in the wee hours and make certain that you are a CLEAR YES,UNCLEAR to NO and RUNNING FORWARD before you start your day. You will send me a list of the members of your immediate household, and yes even pets, and I will add them to my daily prayers. I will arise daily before you are even awake to start my prayers and also run my intelligent computer software 24/7 deleting the negative and increasing the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of outcomes for you and the family.   

CHOOSE ONE OF THE OPTIONS BELOW:

                     Choose 7 days@ $33           Choose 14 days @$66       Choose 30 days @$99

Each comes with a one-time email analysis print out via the intelligent healing software that I use on your behalf.  Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes and I get emails like this one each and every week!

"Hi Jimmy, Many thanks for your prayer support, it was most effective! I am considering taking the Level 1 Fish certification, and learning more about this great technique. It would help greatly in my Shiatsu/massage practice and personal life. Expect to hear from me soon. Bright blessings," - Ariel  

MLF Certification Mastery Course

Level I is OPEN FOR ANYONE to join at any time! Certificate of Mastery Program for My Liquid Fish® Change made simple®  

This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It's a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH you AND CLEAR you at the same time!  You'll also be working with me personally over the phone as a part of your final Mastery Certification test.

LEARN MORE HERE

Certified MLF Practitioner Course

Also, the Level II Practitioner's Course includes the Advanced teachings and nuances plus the exclusively written "The Practitioner's Handbook" which is dedicated to those who practice in the healing arts; Psychics, Healers, NP, AP, DOM, DO, MD, DC, Massage Therapists, Physical Therapists, RNs, Nurse Practitioners, PhDs, and Physician Assistants or currently practicing another modality, technique or method that includes natural healing in your home office or office setting, phone and or Skype and is ONLY available in the Practitioner's Certification Program.

This book outlines some of the inner workings of how I handle my own practice including topics like; managing unrealistic expectations, having patience, pricing, time isn't always equal to outcomes or results, having limits, legal and ethical questions, advice on supplements, marketing, promotion, and sales, daily rituals for you and your clients/patients.

LEARN MORE HERE

My Liquid Fish® Jewelry and Art

Check out this brand new "energy art" from artist Julia Watkins featuring My Liquid Fish®! Learn more about purchasing a stunning pendant or a print of this original art piece (pictured here) which can literally be called an "energy portal".   I believe you will find these pieces to be gorgeous keepsakes and each is empowered with the energy of My Liquid Fish® Change made simple®  

Created by world renowned Energy Artist Julia Watkins Watch this short 6-min video presentation all about it! https://vimeo.com/248516531

PURCHASE HERE

TGIFunny

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Jimmy Mack 727.678.0557​ EST | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session ​ ​​Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit Audio MP3 Downloads​ and books​ to improve your life! Get Certified in ​My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for ​Supplements ​ http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyrighted ©1998-2018 All Rights Reserved  

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger | Digital Marketing Specialist | SMBeConnected Solutions Digital Marketing Solutions & Support for Conscious Entrepreneurs www.smbeconnected.com  

Stay connected!

  Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA  

[advancedthetapractitioner]

TGIWednesday and prolaiming YOUR independence!

TGIWednesday News

TODAY JULY 4th at 3pm EDT Jimmy will be co-hosting on the Spiritual Insights Show with Charlotte Spicer. Call in LIVE and get a free reading (347) 934-0751     Listen here online Hey hey, the early reviews are coming in for the super special new audio MP3 being released next Wed. July 11th- MyBeliefworks™ Daily GPS Reset - Fishing the Files. "I definitely feel a sense of peace listening to these meditations. This is very comprehensive and covers all of the different aspects of one's day and the issues for each part of the day which need "reprogrammed." I appreciated the additional emergency portion because it was very comforting. It felt like a cosmic hug! After finishing, I just knew everything was going to be alright. Another great program. Much gratitude." - K.M. "OMG I love this and I have only done the morning routine! Anna is asking me to email this to her!  It is AMAZING! I feel so good already.' My liquid Fish GPS reset is an amazing miracle in my life. It has helped me through a very traumatic event in my life and within the first day of hear I feel profoundly better. Jimmy is a miracle worker and the GPS download is by far the best download that I have ever used. I felt the changes taking place instantly!" - A.P. / Florida Want to know how YOU could have gotten this new audio mp3 for FREE?  Click here.

TGIWednesday Download

~ PROCLAIMING YOUR INDEPENDENCE ~ It is safe and comfortable for me to be my own being and under my own spiritual connection.  I am ready, willing and able to be the best and highest spiritual being possible in this and any other lifetime thus far.  I am being shown, when, where, how and why it is safe and comfortable to be myself, and to be independent without having to be co dependent on others.  I can be alone without feeling lonely and every day in every way my life improves. I am asking in all languages and across all timelines and so it is!  

Live Shows and Replays

THE JIMMY MACK HEALING SHOW

Every Tuesday at 12pm ET Call in LIVE (713) 955-0594 (*New time starting July 31st - Tuesdays at 9pm ET/ 6pm PT)  

Imagine getting FREE intuitive messages and healings LIVE!  Well, it happens every week on my radio show with some of the best psychic readers & intuitive healers on the planet!  Tune in weekly for the FREE live show or replay and YOU will receive changes & healings just by listening!  To listen online, click the date links below. Listen to Yesterday's Replay - MORRIGHAN LYNNE is a renowned Spiritual Medium, Psychic Empath, Clairvoyant, Intuitive Coach, Ordained Minister, Paranormal Investigator, and published Author.   JULY 10th DANIEL THE HEALER Healer/Metaphysician/Spiritual Elder extraordinare, radio show host Living In Bliss www.danielthehealer.com   JULY 17th REV DR KIMBERLY MAROONEY Intuitive Readings and Angelologist http://kimberlymarooney.com/angel-blessings   JULY 24th KELLY M BALLARD 4th Generation Medium and Intuitive Reader http://www.reflectiveharmony.com   JULY 31st REV. DEBBIE DIENSTBIER, our in residence Transmedium Communications with your loved one’s in heaven Important time change 9pm ET

  Browse the interview archives here.

Live In-Person Appearances

LIVE SESSIONS AT SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH July 30th from 10am to 5pm I will be seeing clients at my good friend Charla Tempone’s office at Swann Holistic Health Center in Tampa.  Please call their office directly in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes 33$’s 30-minutes 65$ - and yes it will sell out! 39 A DAVIS BLVD. TAMPA, FL 33606 (813) 873-7773 LIVE AT KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS TAMPA

BOTH Wed & Fri 10am - 2pm! Tampa Bay area locals can book a live session with me EVERY WEDNESDAY & FRIDAY from 10-2PM Call Kodawari's front desk directly to schedule (813) 773-4017 and pay at the concierge desk... 15 minutes 33$ or 30 minutes 65$. UPCOMING SCHEDULE 10-2pm: Wednesday: July 11th, 18th, 25th Friday: July 6th, 13th, 20th, 27th

3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa (813) 773-4017 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/

Fish Food 

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations  

July 4th - "Today I will accept that which I cannot change and do the best that I can with all people, places, and things. I will endeavor to make the effort. Pass or fail, good or bad, I will remain judgment free and in the present. I will celebrate my independence from the food chain of life and revel in the fact that I can make a difference." Buy the book and read all 365 Days

From the Fish Box

"Jerry and I are very grateful for your session! Thank you so very much for all your kindness, Magic and heartwarming love! He is starting his new job at the Melbourne campus in two weeks. He will live in a tent at the camping on the base not far from there before we will figure out what we can get approved for financing to have a property or boat to live in for him and us to visit. Salary is a lot less then he made here, but he is very excited and looking for extra classes to teach online or other schools in FL as part time. Meanwhile for my business it is season here and I'm hoping to help budget as well. Thank you again my beautiful friend, May Universe to fill you with blessings. Enjoy your holiday weekend! Much love." - E.J. / Florida

Receive 24/7 Daily Prayers From Jimmy

Got a job interview next week?  Going to court? Trying to get a mortgage? Surgery scheduled for you or a loved one?  These are just some of the life at the crossroads events that are ideal for My Daily Prayer program. I am doing the heavy lifting for you around 3AM while you’re asleep in order to smooth out your way. YES!  My Liquid Fish® Change made simple® works on legal issues too!  Even the nightmares of family court/child custody/divorce cases!!! I will dial into you daily in the wee hours and make certain that you are a CLEAR YES,UNCLEAR to NO and RUNNING FORWARD before you start your day. You will send me a list of the members of your immediate household, and yes even pets, and I will add them to my daily prayers. I will arise daily before you are even awake to start my prayers and also run my intelligent computer software 24/7 deleting the negative and increasing the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of outcomes for you and the family.   

CHOOSE ONE OF THE OPTIONS BELOW:

                     Choose 7 days@ $33           Choose 14 days @$66       Choose 30 days @$99

Each comes with a one-time email analysis print out via the intelligent healing software that I use on your behalf.  Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes and I get emails like this one each and every week!

"Hi Jimmy, Many thanks for your prayer support, it was most effective! I am considering taking the Level 1 Fish certification, and learning more about this great technique. It would help greatly in my Shiatsu/massage practice and personal life. Expect to hear from me soon. Bright blessings," - Ariel  

MLF Certification Mastery Course

Level I is OPEN FOR ANYONE to join at any time! Certificate of Mastery Program for My Liquid Fish® Change made simple®  

This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It's a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH you AND CLEAR you at the same time!  You'll also be working with me personally over the phone as a part of your final Mastery Certification test.

LEARN MORE HERE

Certified MLF Practitioner Course

Also, the Level II Practitioner's Course includes the Advanced teachings and nuances plus the exclusively written "The Practitioner's Handbook" which is dedicated to those who practice in the healing arts; Psychics, Healers, NP, AP, DOM, DO, MD, DC, Massage Therapists, Physical Therapists, RNs, Nurse Practitioners, PhDs, and Physician Assistants or currently practicing another modality, technique or method that includes natural healing in your home office or office setting, phone and or Skype and is ONLY available in the Practitioner's Certification Program.

This book outlines some of the inner workings of how I handle my own practice including topics like; managing unrealistic expectations, having patience, pricing, time isn't always equal to outcomes or results, having limits, legal and ethical questions, advice on supplements, marketing, promotion, and sales, daily rituals for you and your clients/patients.

LEARN MORE HERE

My Liquid Fish® Jewelry and Art

Check out this brand new "energy art" from artist Julia Watkins featuring My Liquid Fish®! Learn more about purchasing a stunning pendant or a print of this original art piece (pictured here) which can literally be called an "energy portal".   I believe you will find these pieces to be gorgeous keepsakes and each is empowered with the energy of My Liquid Fish® Change made simple®  

Created by world renowned Energy Artist Julia Watkins Watch this short 6-min video presentation all about it! https://vimeo.com/248516531

PURCHASE HERE

TGIFunny

Share

Tweet

Forward

+1

Pinterest

Jimmy Mack 727.678.0557​ EST | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session ​ ​​Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit Audio MP3 Downloads​ and books​ to improve your life! Get Certified in ​My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for ​Supplements ​ http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyrighted ©1998-2018 All Rights Reserved  

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger | Digital Marketing Specialist | SMBeConnected Solutions Digital Marketing Solutions & Support for Conscious Entrepreneurs www.smbeconnected.com  

Stay connected!

  Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA  

[divinefishingtips]

TGIWednesday and prolaiming YOUR independence!

TGIWednesday News

TODAY JULY 4th at 3pm EDT Jimmy will be co-hosting on the Spiritual Insights Show with Charlotte Spicer. Call in LIVE and get a free reading (347) 934-0751     Listen here online Hey hey, the early reviews are coming in for the super special new audio MP3 being released next Wed. July 11th- MyBeliefworks™ Daily GPS Reset - Fishing the Files. "I definitely feel a sense of peace listening to these meditations. This is very comprehensive and covers all of the different aspects of one's day and the issues for each part of the day which need "reprogrammed." I appreciated the additional emergency portion because it was very comforting. It felt like a cosmic hug! After finishing, I just knew everything was going to be alright. Another great program. Much gratitude." - K.M. "OMG I love this and I have only done the morning routine! Anna is asking me to email this to her!  It is AMAZING! I feel so good already.' My liquid Fish GPS reset is an amazing miracle in my life. It has helped me through a very traumatic event in my life and within the first day of hear I feel profoundly better. Jimmy is a miracle worker and the GPS download is by far the best download that I have ever used. I felt the changes taking place instantly!" - A.P. / Florida Want to know how YOU could have gotten this new audio mp3 for FREE?  Click here.

TGIWednesday Download

~ PROCLAIMING YOUR INDEPENDENCE ~ It is safe and comfortable for me to be my own being and under my own spiritual connection.  I am ready, willing and able to be the best and highest spiritual being possible in this and any other lifetime thus far.  I am being shown, when, where, how and why it is safe and comfortable to be myself, and to be independent without having to be co dependent on others.  I can be alone without feeling lonely and every day in every way my life improves. I am asking in all languages and across all timelines and so it is!  

Live Shows and Replays

THE JIMMY MACK HEALING SHOW

Every Tuesday at 12pm ET Call in LIVE (713) 955-0594 (*New time starting July 31st - Tuesdays at 9pm ET/ 6pm PT)  

Imagine getting FREE intuitive messages and healings LIVE!  Well, it happens every week on my radio show with some of the best psychic readers & intuitive healers on the planet!  Tune in weekly for the FREE live show or replay and YOU will receive changes & healings just by listening!  To listen online, click the date links below. Listen to Yesterday's Replay - MORRIGHAN LYNNE is a renowned Spiritual Medium, Psychic Empath, Clairvoyant, Intuitive Coach, Ordained Minister, Paranormal Investigator, and published Author.   JULY 10th DANIEL THE HEALER Healer/Metaphysician/Spiritual Elder extraordinare, radio show host Living In Bliss www.danielthehealer.com   JULY 17th REV DR KIMBERLY MAROONEY Intuitive Readings and Angelologist http://kimberlymarooney.com/angel-blessings   JULY 24th KELLY M BALLARD 4th Generation Medium and Intuitive Reader http://www.reflectiveharmony.com   JULY 31st REV. DEBBIE DIENSTBIER, our in residence Transmedium Communications with your loved one’s in heaven Important time change 9pm ET

  Browse the interview archives here.

Live In-Person Appearances

LIVE SESSIONS AT SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH July 30th from 10am to 5pm I will be seeing clients at my good friend Charla Tempone’s office at Swann Holistic Health Center in Tampa.  Please call their office directly in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes 33$’s 30-minutes 65$ - and yes it will sell out! 39 A DAVIS BLVD. TAMPA, FL 33606 (813) 873-7773 LIVE AT KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS TAMPA

BOTH Wed & Fri 10am - 2pm! Tampa Bay area locals can book a live session with me EVERY WEDNESDAY & FRIDAY from 10-2PM Call Kodawari's front desk directly to schedule (813) 773-4017 and pay at the concierge desk... 15 minutes 33$ or 30 minutes 65$. UPCOMING SCHEDULE 10-2pm: Wednesday: July 11th, 18th, 25th Friday: July 6th, 13th, 20th, 27th

3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa (813) 773-4017 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/

Fish Food 

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations  

July 4th - "Today I will accept that which I cannot change and do the best that I can with all people, places, and things. I will endeavor to make the effort. Pass or fail, good or bad, I will remain judgment free and in the present. I will celebrate my independence from the food chain of life and revel in the fact that I can make a difference." Buy the book and read all 365 Days

From the Fish Box

"Jerry and I are very grateful for your session! Thank you so very much for all your kindness, Magic and heartwarming love! He is starting his new job at the Melbourne campus in two weeks. He will live in a tent at the camping on the base not far from there before we will figure out what we can get approved for financing to have a property or boat to live in for him and us to visit. Salary is a lot less then he made here, but he is very excited and looking for extra classes to teach online or other schools in FL as part time. Meanwhile for my business it is season here and I'm hoping to help budget as well. Thank you again my beautiful friend, May Universe to fill you with blessings. Enjoy your holiday weekend! Much love." - E.J. / Florida

Receive 24/7 Daily Prayers From Jimmy

Got a job interview next week?  Going to court? Trying to get a mortgage? Surgery scheduled for you or a loved one?  These are just some of the life at the crossroads events that are ideal for My Daily Prayer program. I am doing the heavy lifting for you around 3AM while you’re asleep in order to smooth out your way. YES!  My Liquid Fish® Change made simple® works on legal issues too!  Even the nightmares of family court/child custody/divorce cases!!! I will dial into you daily in the wee hours and make certain that you are a CLEAR YES,UNCLEAR to NO and RUNNING FORWARD before you start your day. You will send me a list of the members of your immediate household, and yes even pets, and I will add them to my daily prayers. I will arise daily before you are even awake to start my prayers and also run my intelligent computer software 24/7 deleting the negative and increasing the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of outcomes for you and the family.   

CHOOSE ONE OF THE OPTIONS BELOW:

                     Choose 7 days@ $33           Choose 14 days @$66       Choose 30 days @$99

Each comes with a one-time email analysis print out via the intelligent healing software that I use on your behalf.  Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes and I get emails like this one each and every week!

"Hi Jimmy, Many thanks for your prayer support, it was most effective! I am considering taking the Level 1 Fish certification, and learning more about this great technique. It would help greatly in my Shiatsu/massage practice and personal life. Expect to hear from me soon. Bright blessings," - Ariel  

MLF Certification Mastery Course

Level I is OPEN FOR ANYONE to join at any time! Certificate of Mastery Program for My Liquid Fish® Change made simple®  

This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It's a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH you AND CLEAR you at the same time!  You'll also be working with me personally over the phone as a part of your final Mastery Certification test.

LEARN MORE HERE

Certified MLF Practitioner Course

Also, the Level II Practitioner's Course includes the Advanced teachings and nuances plus the exclusively written "The Practitioner's Handbook" which is dedicated to those who practice in the healing arts; Psychics, Healers, NP, AP, DOM, DO, MD, DC, Massage Therapists, Physical Therapists, RNs, Nurse Practitioners, PhDs, and Physician Assistants or currently practicing another modality, technique or method that includes natural healing in your home office or office setting, phone and or Skype and is ONLY available in the Practitioner's Certification Program.

This book outlines some of the inner workings of how I handle my own practice including topics like; managing unrealistic expectations, having patience, pricing, time isn't always equal to outcomes or results, having limits, legal and ethical questions, advice on supplements, marketing, promotion, and sales, daily rituals for you and your clients/patients.

LEARN MORE HERE

My Liquid Fish® Jewelry and Art

Check out this brand new "energy art" from artist Julia Watkins featuring My Liquid Fish®! Learn more about purchasing a stunning pendant or a print of this original art piece (pictured here) which can literally be called an "energy portal".   I believe you will find these pieces to be gorgeous keepsakes and each is empowered with the energy of My Liquid Fish® Change made simple®  

Created by world renowned Energy Artist Julia Watkins Watch this short 6-min video presentation all about it! https://vimeo.com/248516531

PURCHASE HERE

TGIFunny

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Jimmy Mack 727.678.0557​ EST | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session ​ ​​Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit Audio MP3 Downloads​ and books​ to improve your life! Get Certified in ​My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for ​Supplements ​ http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyrighted ©1998-2018 All Rights Reserved  

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger | Digital Marketing Specialist | SMBeConnected Solutions Digital Marketing Solutions & Support for Conscious Entrepreneurs www.smbeconnected.com  

Stay connected!

  Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA  

[365dailyaffirmations]

TGIWednesday and prolaiming YOUR independence!

TGIWednesday News

TODAY JULY 4th at 3pm EDT Jimmy will be co-hosting on the Spiritual Insights Show with Charlotte Spicer. Call in LIVE and get a free reading (347) 934-0751     Listen here online Hey hey, the early reviews are coming in for the super special new audio MP3 being released next Wed. July 11th- MyBeliefworks™ Daily GPS Reset - Fishing the Files. "I definitely feel a sense of peace listening to these meditations. This is very comprehensive and covers all of the different aspects of one's day and the issues for each part of the day which need "reprogrammed." I appreciated the additional emergency portion because it was very comforting. It felt like a cosmic hug! After finishing, I just knew everything was going to be alright. Another great program. Much gratitude." - K.M. "OMG I love this and I have only done the morning routine! Anna is asking me to email this to her!  It is AMAZING! I feel so good already.' My liquid Fish GPS reset is an amazing miracle in my life. It has helped me through a very traumatic event in my life and within the first day of hear I feel profoundly better. Jimmy is a miracle worker and the GPS download is by far the best download that I have ever used. I felt the changes taking place instantly!" - A.P. / Florida Want to know how YOU could have gotten this new audio mp3 for FREE?  Click here.

TGIWednesday Download

~ PROCLAIMING YOUR INDEPENDENCE ~ It is safe and comfortable for me to be my own being and under my own spiritual connection.  I am ready, willing and able to be the best and highest spiritual being possible in this and any other lifetime thus far.  I am being shown, when, where, how and why it is safe and comfortable to be myself, and to be independent without having to be co dependent on others.  I can be alone without feeling lonely and every day in every way my life improves. I am asking in all languages and across all timelines and so it is!  

Live Shows and Replays

THE JIMMY MACK HEALING SHOW

Every Tuesday at 12pm ET Call in LIVE (713) 955-0594 (*New time starting July 31st - Tuesdays at 9pm ET/ 6pm PT)  

Imagine getting FREE intuitive messages and healings LIVE!  Well, it happens every week on my radio show with some of the best psychic readers & intuitive healers on the planet!  Tune in weekly for the FREE live show or replay and YOU will receive changes & healings just by listening!  To listen online, click the date links below. Listen to Yesterday's Replay - MORRIGHAN LYNNE is a renowned Spiritual Medium, Psychic Empath, Clairvoyant, Intuitive Coach, Ordained Minister, Paranormal Investigator, and published Author.   JULY 10th DANIEL THE HEALER Healer/Metaphysician/Spiritual Elder extraordinare, radio show host Living In Bliss www.danielthehealer.com   JULY 17th REV DR KIMBERLY MAROONEY Intuitive Readings and Angelologist http://kimberlymarooney.com/angel-blessings   JULY 24th KELLY M BALLARD 4th Generation Medium and Intuitive Reader http://www.reflectiveharmony.com   JULY 31st REV. DEBBIE DIENSTBIER, our in residence Transmedium Communications with your loved one’s in heaven Important time change 9pm ET

  Browse the interview archives here.

Live In-Person Appearances

LIVE SESSIONS AT SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH July 30th from 10am to 5pm I will be seeing clients at my good friend Charla Tempone’s office at Swann Holistic Health Center in Tampa.  Please call their office directly in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes 33$’s 30-minutes 65$ - and yes it will sell out! 39 A DAVIS BLVD. TAMPA, FL 33606 (813) 873-7773 LIVE AT KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS TAMPA

BOTH Wed & Fri 10am - 2pm! Tampa Bay area locals can book a live session with me EVERY WEDNESDAY & FRIDAY from 10-2PM Call Kodawari's front desk directly to schedule (813) 773-4017 and pay at the concierge desk... 15 minutes 33$ or 30 minutes 65$. UPCOMING SCHEDULE 10-2pm: Wednesday: July 11th, 18th, 25th Friday: July 6th, 13th, 20th, 27th

3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa (813) 773-4017 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/

Fish Food 

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations  

July 4th - "Today I will accept that which I cannot change and do the best that I can with all people, places, and things. I will endeavor to make the effort. Pass or fail, good or bad, I will remain judgment free and in the present. I will celebrate my independence from the food chain of life and revel in the fact that I can make a difference." Buy the book and read all 365 Days

From the Fish Box

"Jerry and I are very grateful for your session! Thank you so very much for all your kindness, Magic and heartwarming love! He is starting his new job at the Melbourne campus in two weeks. He will live in a tent at the camping on the base not far from there before we will figure out what we can get approved for financing to have a property or boat to live in for him and us to visit. Salary is a lot less then he made here, but he is very excited and looking for extra classes to teach online or other schools in FL as part time. Meanwhile for my business it is season here and I'm hoping to help budget as well. Thank you again my beautiful friend, May Universe to fill you with blessings. Enjoy your holiday weekend! Much love." - E.J. / Florida

Receive 24/7 Daily Prayers From Jimmy

Got a job interview next week?  Going to court? Trying to get a mortgage? Surgery scheduled for you or a loved one?  These are just some of the life at the crossroads events that are ideal for My Daily Prayer program. I am doing the heavy lifting for you around 3AM while you’re asleep in order to smooth out your way. YES!  My Liquid Fish® Change made simple® works on legal issues too!  Even the nightmares of family court/child custody/divorce cases!!! I will dial into you daily in the wee hours and make certain that you are a CLEAR YES,UNCLEAR to NO and RUNNING FORWARD before you start your day. You will send me a list of the members of your immediate household, and yes even pets, and I will add them to my daily prayers. I will arise daily before you are even awake to start my prayers and also run my intelligent computer software 24/7 deleting the negative and increasing the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of outcomes for you and the family.   

CHOOSE ONE OF THE OPTIONS BELOW:

                     Choose 7 days@ $33           Choose 14 days @$66       Choose 30 days @$99

Each comes with a one-time email analysis print out via the intelligent healing software that I use on your behalf.  Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes and I get emails like this one each and every week!

"Hi Jimmy, Many thanks for your prayer support, it was most effective! I am considering taking the Level 1 Fish certification, and learning more about this great technique. It would help greatly in my Shiatsu/massage practice and personal life. Expect to hear from me soon. Bright blessings," - Ariel  

MLF Certification Mastery Course

Level I is OPEN FOR ANYONE to join at any time! Certificate of Mastery Program for My Liquid Fish® Change made simple®  

This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It's a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH you AND CLEAR you at the same time!  You'll also be working with me personally over the phone as a part of your final Mastery Certification test.

LEARN MORE HERE

Certified MLF Practitioner Course

Also, the Level II Practitioner's Course includes the Advanced teachings and nuances plus the exclusively written "The Practitioner's Handbook" which is dedicated to those who practice in the healing arts; Psychics, Healers, NP, AP, DOM, DO, MD, DC, Massage Therapists, Physical Therapists, RNs, Nurse Practitioners, PhDs, and Physician Assistants or currently practicing another modality, technique or method that includes natural healing in your home office or office setting, phone and or Skype and is ONLY available in the Practitioner's Certification Program.

This book outlines some of the inner workings of how I handle my own practice including topics like; managing unrealistic expectations, having patience, pricing, time isn't always equal to outcomes or results, having limits, legal and ethical questions, advice on supplements, marketing, promotion, and sales, daily rituals for you and your clients/patients.

LEARN MORE HERE

My Liquid Fish® Jewelry and Art

Check out this brand new "energy art" from artist Julia Watkins featuring My Liquid Fish®! Learn more about purchasing a stunning pendant or a print of this original art piece (pictured here) which can literally be called an "energy portal".   I believe you will find these pieces to be gorgeous keepsakes and each is empowered with the energy of My Liquid Fish® Change made simple®  

Created by world renowned Energy Artist Julia Watkins Watch this short 6-min video presentation all about it! https://vimeo.com/248516531

PURCHASE HERE

TGIFunny

Share

Tweet

Forward

+1

Pinterest

Jimmy Mack 727.678.0557​ EST | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session ​ ​​Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit Audio MP3 Downloads​ and books​ to improve your life! Get Certified in ​My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for ​Supplements ​ http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyrighted ©1998-2018 All Rights Reserved  

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger | Digital Marketing Specialist | SMBeConnected Solutions Digital Marketing Solutions & Support for Conscious Entrepreneurs www.smbeconnected.com  

Stay connected!

  Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA  

[happymetalgirl]

My Favorite Metal Albums of 2017

35. Emmure – Look at Yourself

Emmure entered a bit of a minor renaissance with the house-cleaning by Frankie, and while the album still gives into a lot of his previous albums’ weaknesses, it’s a release whose sheer volume and raw, unadultered aggression kept me coming back to at least revel in the big fiery production and explosive attitude of the short project.

34. Cannibal Corpse – Red Before Black

Cannibal Corpse stuck to what’s worked for them and it continues to work for them. While the singles and the god-awful album cover gave me bad premonitions, it ended up being a pretty solid, up-to-par release from the group, whose unbelievably crunchy production lends itself well to the concise, mechanically efficient, classic death metal the band have perfected the art of.

33. Morbid Angel – Kingdoms Disdained

With a lot the make up for, Morbid Angel roared back on Kingdoms Disdained, opting not so much for originality as for tenacious attitude seemingly lost amidst the confused experimentation of the band’s recent work. It pushes neither death metal’s nor Morbid Angel’s boundaries the way the band did in their early days, but they needed rejuvenation more than vague, senseless ambition, and they seem like they got it.

32. Sepultura – Machine Messiah

An album that should, but still probably won’t, silence those naysayers who should have been silenced three or four albums ago, Machine Messiah is such a fresh but also familiar album from the less appreciated incarnation of Sepultura. Full of groove and lively performances from all members involved, Sepultura still sound eager to reach new heights while their former frontman continues to fly through the decade mostly on autopilot.

31. Trivium – The Sin and the Sentence

Probably the patchiest album in this list, Matt Heafy’s return to growls proved that their absence on the previous albums was not the main issue with that output, but also that they do have quite a place in Trivium’s sound. The Sin and the Sentence features some of Trivium’s most clinically performed and experience-written material that will certainly remain a part of their live shows even after future releases. Yet it also contains some seemingly lazily unambitious filler that seems meant to cover as many bases as possible.

30. Mastodon – Cold Dark Place

More laid back and purposeful than the gaudy, inconsistent, and, at this point, unexciting heavy sludge of Emperor of Sand, Mastodon’s Cold Dark Place sounds like it was actually a preconceived project and not just another round of vague song ideas plugged into the Mastodon machine to maintain the band’s relevance and the obnoxious fanfare directed at them for doing so much as breathing.

29. Sólstafir – Berdreyminn

A gem of the fine land of Iceland, Sólstafir reached for realistic new heights on Berderyminn and grasped them with transcendent songwriting and similarly passionate performances. I can think of a number of post-rock-centric bands who could use a dose of Sólstafir’s advice to revitalize their game.

28. Dead Cross – Dead Cross

A chemistry I wasn’t expecting to be as tight as it was, Mike Patton and Dave Lombardo complimented each other quite well with impressively energetic performances from both of them, heavier, faster, and more infectious than a vast majority of younger crossover thrash and hardcore punk I’ve heard.

27. Fit for an Autopsy – The Great Collapse

The Gojira influence all over this thing is hard to miss, but it made for a much more exciting deathcore album, a genre that had a surprisingly great year; perhaps the result of every deathcore-centric band banding together to save the genre from Suicide Silence, rather than the other way around. At the top of the crop, The Great Collapse doesn’t overstate what every other deathcore album already tries so hard to state harder than its competition. Instead, Fit for an Autopsy rely on the creative directions they take the music in to bring the excitement, and bring it they do, not falling victim to too many of deathcore’s pitfalls or overstating their welcome.

26. Persefone – Aathma

A band seemingly aiming continuously bigger, Persefone go beyond life-sized and reality-grounded on the hyper-spiritual Aathma, whose tracklist is an ever-ascending metallic ladder to the prog heavens, and the band conjure quite the masterpiece to finish the album off as well.

25. Suffering Hour – In Passing Ascension

With not a lot of blackened death metal to report on this year, Suffering Hour’s short, gritty output drew plenty of attention and raised its hand for the subgenre with confidence and the exact kind of fire it needed. No game-changer, the album makes its mark with technical and aggressive performance and a great lack of bullshit.

24. Dying Fetus – Wrong One to Fuck With

Speaking of no bullshit death metal, Dying Fetus also put out an album this year.

23. Power Trip – Nightmare Logic

This album I liked from the start, but when I got a super cheap physical copy and found myself replaying it, the degree of skill with which it teleports the 1980’s thrash sound into the 21st century is truly remarkable. And it’s no cheap, nostalgic imitation either, Power Trip write like they don’t have a tribute of any older band in mind, adding to the legendary thrash legacy a mark all their own.

22. Alestorm – No Grave but the Sea

Besides the ridiculous “Fucked with an Anchor” song, Alestorm put together some of their most vivid stories and some of the most moving folk metal settings. How they keep going with pirate metal and only pirate metal, and continuing to come up with new ideas in said realm is a feat I can’t help be amazed by. Hats off to the captains of true Scottish pirate metal!

21. Elder – Reflections of a Floating World

Out-Mastodon-ing Mastodon this year, Elder came forth with more than just a proggy sludge album this year. Reflections of a Floating World is expansive, emotionally complex, and more immersive than what I’m used to from a sludge metal album.

20. Deadspace – Reaching for Silence

Technically half of a split release off Bandcamp, Deadspace took me by surprise with this album with the unique mingling of musical elements (particularly vocal styles) outside the world of ambient black metal, enhancing the emotional vulnerability of the songs. I hope the band continue to chase new territory within the now quite in-bloom subgenre, because they’ve shown they can make it happen.

19. Suffocation – …of the Dark Light

Suffocation also happened to put an album out this year. What else can I say? It’s the technical, fascinating Suffocation that’s always been, and they’re operating at maximum on this album.

18. Soen – Lykaia

Tool’s benchwarmers and Opeth’s B-team look to be playing for their mentors’ starting positions with Lykaia. Though likely never to escape the comparisons to either band or replace them as big-name headliners, Soen are proving them to be not as on-of-a-kind as they’re often thought to be. Lykaia is an oxymoronically straightforward prog metal album more intent on cultivating moods and crafting memorable songs than showboating or wandering off into some silly musical no-man’s-land under the guise of innovation.

17. Hell – Hell

Another excellent find on Bandcamp, the Hell from Portland, Oregon provide and addictive combination of sludgy doom metal and tortured DSBM. Unlike anything I’ve heard all year, Hell’s enveloping darkness and horrifying premonitions of eternal damnation and gutting of the soul makes their name a fitting one.

16. Marilyn Manson – Heaven Upside Down

While this album has somewhat fallen from my favor since I first listened to it, it’s still a respectable album from the aging Marilyn Manson, and one that sometimes puts that age to good use. I know a lot of people continued to complain about him the same way he’s been complained about for years now, but Heaven Upside Down continues its predecessor’s positive trend of focused and appropriate songwriting.

15. Boris – Dear

Hilariously set to be their farewell album that instead spawned enough material for a series of goodbyes, the perhaps too-prolific Boris drones through bright and bleak with blazing valor on Dear. Though their repertoire spans a myriad of genres, Dear finds them kind of at home field in resonant, booming amplifier worship and heavenly vocal-backed soundscapes.

14. Pallbearer – Heartless

Pallbearer both continued to do what has been working for them and injected some freshness into their proggy, doomy sound on Heartless. Going bigger on the prog and thinking outside the traditional doom emotional mindset, Pallbearer make themselves much easier to pay attention to with a more multifaceted approach that doom of their style doesn’t get much of.

13. Septicflesh – Codex Omega

Codex Omega has continuously grown on me since its release and I have since come to think of it as Septicflesh’s most practiced and perfected effort, even more than Communion. The band have clearly been figuring out their strengths and weaknesses in symphonic death metal through trial and error, and Codex Omega shows that the band has been taking notes on what works and what doesn’t. With a number of exceptional headbangers, Septicflesh have found the right combinations for just about everything in their sound; the next challenge will be outdoing this already massive release

12. Goatwhore – Vengeful Ascension

I feel like I might have a bit of a soft spot for the sweetly named Goatwhore, but I have been continuously drawn to this album, and I’ve come to appreciate it this year as a strong, culminative report of all their experience in blackened thrash and blackened death metal. Not a summarizing statement of artistic progress, but rather a reoptimization of an already repeatedly optimized system, Vengeful Ascension is Goatwhore continuing to perfect Goatwhore as they play to begged for by fans rather than begging for the fans.

11. Converge – The Dusk in Us

Metalcore’s oldest and most consistent band still on the hunt for greatness they’ve already earned in spades bursts from the dust in expectedly enigmatic fashion. Tapping into the rawest of human emotion and putting it on display, Converge wrangle, seemingly effortlessly, their emotional volatility into violent and beautiful works of art like old masters all their students dream of being like.

10. Zeal and Ardor – Devil Is Fine

A not 100% blackgaze album, the slave rituals over the expansive black metal instrumentation gave a depth and breadth to this album that I can’t wait to see expanded on in future releases. I had this in the number one spot for a good portion of the year and it’s still a stunning debut, but it shows its faults after its novelty wears off. It’s a good album, and its flaws are tangible and excellent directing marks to where the band needs to grow. They’re a young band that formed out of the blue as a result of a solo project’s explosion and I hope Zeal and Ardor grow into a strong, mature project with a strong sense of direction.

9. Full of Hell – Trumpeting Ecstasy

Full of Hell’s standalone project this year wore me down as I kept working out to it. A more than average deathgrind album, Trumpeting Ecstasy blazes efficiently through its deathgrind core and brings some needed experimentation to the genre’s table. It’s short and over before you know it, but it’s not cutting any corners or turning anything in unfinished even if it definitely leaves you drooling for more.

8. Decapitated – Anticult

I mentioned my reasons for including Decapitated on my year-end lists of honor despite their entrapment in legal purgatory at the moment quite at length when I talked about “Kill the Cult”, and it carries over to Anticult as well, a hungry, applaudably recalibrated album from a band that’s had a hard time getting their bearings back after a series of hardships. Anticult finds Decapitated pushing through the boundaries they had difficulty surmounting on the last two albums, slowly reclaiming their place in the throne room of technical death metal.

7. Death from Above – Outrage! Is Now

Quite a bit less overtly heavy than its surrounding company on this list, Outrage! Is Now makes its mark with well-crafted songs, soaring melodies, and bold attitude. Poking at the petty, grumpy social climate it rises from, the album hides its critique in sing-song-y hard rock and alternative metal working its melodies into the ear canals to implant its message before it’s realized.

6. Mutoid Man – War Moans

A whimsical listen that I’m so glad for, War Moans is so consistently full of refurbished vintage thrash and sludgy stoner rock songs ready to become classics, I don’t know how it’s not so many editors’ favorites. “Bone Chain”, “Kiss of Death”, “Date with the Devil”, “Melt Your Mind”, “Wreck and Survive”, “Micro Aggression”, and the audible heartache, “Bandages”. So many incredible songs, played to their optimum by a group unconcerned with technical wanking or diva bullshit. Mutoid Man have an unnoticed classic under their belts now.

5. Chelsea Wolfe – Hiss Spun

Chelsea Wolfe went full metal on Hiss Spun, or perhaps the metal on Hiss Spun went Chelsea Wolfe. She sounds comfortable as though she’s been doing this style of music her whole life. Her music has always had that unsettling, ghostly presence that no one else can quite capture like her; the dramatic, loud, overtness of the darkness metal seemed like it might destroy the subtlety of her sound, and to a degree it is diminished. But in the drone-y doom distortion, Chelsea still lures, even from deep within the darkness, and it’s a darkness she sounds more than comfortable and at home within.

4. Igorrr – Savage Sinusoid

Death metal, opera, electronica, groove metal, classical music, dubstep, operatic screaming, accordion, flute, a chicken. This is the weirdest album I have heard all year, and incredibly, all that weirdness is weaved so nicely into enjoyable tunes. It’s still not all that serious of an album, I mean, it doesn’t take itself so damn seriously it can’t through in a few cracked wails and a chicken. But for all its eccentricity its emotional width is pretty impressive and the consistency with which the band put forth tasty material is astounding. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but it’s a brew I have greatly enjoyed rocking out to and goofing off to this year and it’s definitely worth the try.

3. Primitive Man – Caustic

The most abusive and dense album to come out this year by far, Caustic is a bloody assault upon the soul that doesn’t stop or take any breaks. Primitive Man plunge any willing listeners straight into a vat of boiling tar for almost a straight eighty minutes with not a moment of mercy or ounce of sympathy. Primitive Man hold up the sonic black mirror with an indescribably heavy slow bludgeoning of sludge metal, death metal, and doom, all with a healthy nihilistic dose of not giving a fuck about anything or anyone.

2. Havok – Conformicide

Havok have made the thrash metal album of the decade, at least in my eyes. And while it may be easy to write thrash off in this day and age in favor of more extreme metal, Havok remind with serious power just how intense thrash can still be. Conformicide may be years late to the thrash party and its current competition may not be as high bar as that of thrash metal’s golden age, but I think Conformicide can hold its own next to even the 80’s classics. While they do thrash as traditionally as most revivalists thrash these days, skewering religion and governmental corruption as Dave Mustaine did for breakfast every morning in 1986, Havok up the musicianship, distill and expand the writing, and update the subject matter on Conformicide. The thrash spirit is alive and well inside Havok and on Conformicide, unyielding in its speed, its criticism, and its supply of riffs and double bass.

1. Code Orange – Forever

2017 has been the year of Code Orange, and since its release, Forever has pretty much consistently held this top spot for me. Coming out of hardcore nowhere to earn so many album-of-the-year accolades, I feel a little less original now calling it my favorite too, but I don’t care, it’s an incredible fucking album. Violent as all hell, bruising and bone-breaking, and poetic even in its aggressive hardcore bravado, Code Orange aren’t fucking around. Taking cues from Converge and somewhat reinventing the hardcore breakdown, Code Orange make just as many new rules as they break old ones, usurping the throne of metalcore in an unstoppable firestorm coup de tat in front of the entire world who can only watch as it unfolds. Code Orange have seized power by driving their own engine, stepping outside the lines and beating into submission the less zealous, reaching incredible heights at incredible speed the DIY way. And it has been such a fucking pleasure to watch them. Their success, they earned it. Their recognition, they deserve it. This is real now, motherfucker. Code Orange is Forever.

[daniel-browne]

Cold Case Logic #21: When I Was Cruel

This one’s been a long time coming. [You can say that again. I started writing this more than a year ago!] I ride hard for a bunch of artists—Dylan, Lou Reed, Brian Wilson, Prince. But there’s only one of whom I can say I’ve heard it all, bought every album (in many cases, more than once), tracked down every B-side and soundtrack appearance, showed up for just about every tour when it came through town. That’s Elvis Costello.

And yet I find the prospect of writing about the man and his music daunting. The essence of his art is harder to pin down than it might seem on the surface. A virtuoso songwriter and a spirited performer, Costello has nearly 30 albums to his credit, give or take, and only one that could fairly be called a dud (I’m looking at you Goodbye Cruel World). He’s never gone through an extended wilderness period like Dylan or Neil Young. That consistency has been to the detriment of his legacy, I suspect. By maintaining such high standards for so long, he’s denied us the comeback narrative we seem to expect from aging rockers. No one ever says his latest album is “his best since King of America” the way it used to be common to say Dylan’s latest was “his best since Blood on the Tracks.”

Another reason he’s so difficult to write about is that he’s written (and talked) so much about himself over the years. Again, the contrast with Dylan is striking. For decades, fans pored over Dylan’s every move and utterance, even his garbage, because they felt they knew so little about him. When his memoir Chronicles was finally published in 2004, it was greeted as a major revelation, even though everyone knew, or should have known, they were dealing with an unreliable narrator. By contrast, when it was announced that Costello would be releasing his memoir, fans speculated that it might be simply an expansion of the extensive liner notes he’d written when his catalog was reissued a decade earlier. He’d already given us thousands of words about his life and work, not to mention a Vanity Fair article in which he listed 500 (!) of his favorite albums; what more was there to say?

With Costello, it seems there’s always more to say. Unfaithful Music & Disappearing Ink weighs in at nearly 700 pages, not one of them a repeat of those ten-year-old liner notes. As if that weren’t enough, I recently found a post on his website in which he compiled a High Fidelity-style ranking of his own songs. (I can’t seem to find it now, so it’s possible I hallucinated it. The recent Rosanne Cash, Kris Kristofferson co-write “April 5th” came in at #1. I was amazed to see my all-time favorite “Suit of Lights” at #2.) This prolixity, all but unprecedented for a rock star, is both a sign of generosity towards his fans and a strategy for keeping us at bay. Where Dylan has maintained an air of mystery, Costello always seems to be stepping out from behind the curtain to make sure we don’t get the wrong idea. (His 1986 cover of “Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood” went to #33 in the U.S.)

Unfaithful Music was a big event in my life as a Costello fan, partly because of my own circumstances at the time. My son had been born a few months earlier, my wife had just gone back to work, and I was taking over at home, a role I wasn’t ready for. It was an emotionally draining time. If I was lucky, Theo would conk out after his midday bottle, and I’d gingerly wheel him through the cold to Starbucks where the hiss of the milk steamer and the purr of Sinatra crooning Christmas standards served as white noise and I could steal an hour or two to read.

I’d expected the pages of Unfaithful Music to be stuffed with anecdotes and insights about the music, and I wasn’t disappointed. But when I discovered that the book’s main thru-line is Costello’s relationship with his dad Ross, well, let’s just say it hit me where I live. I was familiar with some of the story already. I already knew, for instance, that Ross was a singer in a popular dance band of the ’50s and ’60s. What Unfaithful Music brought home for me was how central a figure he was at every stage of Costello’s journey, both as a man and an artist. Reading the passage in which young Declan MacManus eavesdrops on Ross practicing “Please Please Me” in the front room, itching to get his hands on the record when his dad is done with it, not knowing his course has already been set, I realized the profound responsibility I’d taken on, and I thought about what kind of father I wanted to be. For one thing, I wanted to whisk Theo home and play him something more inspiring than “Jingle Bells.”

And where better to start than with my Elvis Costello albums? I jumped around over the next few weeks, but for some reason I was especially drawn to his recent work. Maybe I wanted to spare Theo’s tender ears the coiled fury of the early “guilt and revenge” years. Or maybe I wanted to continue spending time with the fellow who wrote Unfaithful Music, his edge still sharp but the steel more tempered. In any case, I’ve never viewed his body of work the way many critics do: a “classic period” followed by a series of perverse experiments. My first Costello album was 1991’s kitchen-sinky Mighty Like a Rose (a.k.a. The Beard Album), and even as I explored the back catalog, I kept moving forward with him. I never resented 1993’s string quartet opus The Juliette Letters for not being This Year’s Model. I discovered them both at the same time.

With that in mind, my original idea for this post was to write a paragraph on every album he’s released in the past twenty years or so, from the Burt Bacharach collabo Painted From Memory to the Roots collabo Wise Up Ghost. I quickly realized the task was overwhelming. I needed to pick the one album about which I had the most to say, or more precisely the one that would help me access what I had to say, which felt deep-seated but inchoate. Without really thinking it through I settled on When I Was Cruel from 2002.

Now that I’m sitting down to write, though, even tackling this one album feels overwhelming. When I Was Cruel is a rich text as the academics like to say. Ironically, it’s not among Costello’s most heavily annotated works. It came out after the reissue campaign that resulted in those exhaustive liner notes, and it’s barely mentioned in Unfaithful Music. It does, however, make for an illuminating companion to the memoir. In both, Costello confronts the passage of time and also confounds it, skipping around in time freely, from chapter to chapter, song to song, even line to line.

This skipping around is a typical Costello technique. Linearity isn’t his way. Even when he hatches a group of songs with a unifying topic or storyline, he’ll break them up, obscure his intent. (The Juliet Letters is the only entry in his catalog that could be called a proper concept album.) Half the songs on 2004’s Delivery Man, give or take, are episodes in a Southern Gothic tale about a sinister figure and the women under his spell, but they’re jumbled together with the other half, which are unrelated, and I only know what Costello had in mind because, in his usual way, he explained it in interviews at the time of the album’s release. He even pointed out that the Delivery Man character had already appeared in “Hidden Shame,” which he wrote for Johnny Cash more than a decade earlier. Costello’s own version of “Hidden Shame” eventually turned up on 2009’s Secret, Profane & Sugarcane, along with a clutch of songs from an unfinished opera about Hans Christian Andersen and Jenny Lind.

When I Was Cruel has its own displaced narratives. “Soul for Hire” was written for a little-seen movie called Prison Song, starring Q-Tip and Mary J. Blige, with Costello appearing as both a teacher and a lawyer. (“Soul for Hire” is sung from the lawyer’s point of view.) The origin of lead single, “Tear Off Your Own Head (It’s a Doll Revolution)” is even more far-fetched. If Costello is to be believed, it was meant to be the theme song for a show about singing female spies that he and T-Bone Burnett pitched to the WB.

As amusing as all this backstory is, it doesn’t reveal much about When I Was Cruel. More telling is the odd placement of “Dust 2…” three tracks before its bookend “…Dust.” The crux of the album is what lies between those ellipses. The final words of “Dust 2…” are “Well, I believe we just/become a speck of dust”; the first words of “…Dust” are “If only dust could talk/what would we hear it say?” This is an album about what it feels like to be in the middle of a life and to be living in the middle of history. To capture that feeling, Costello draws on a lifetime of songcraft: fractured timelines, a riot of voices, inexhaustible skeins of wordplay.

Like “Dust 2,” the title track is the second in a series (it’s listed as “When I Was Cruel No. 2”), but its predecessor isn’t on the album. This is an old Dylan trick, nicked from the high art world: “I Shall Be Free” was followed, two years later, by “I Shall Be Free No. 10”; the other eight iterations may or may not exist. In the case of “When I Was Cruel,” no. 1 does exist—it was released as a B-side—but its absence from the album contributes to the sense that we are joining a train of thought in medias res. (Toward the end of the album, “Episode of Blonde” fades out in mid-verse, a train of thought going on without us. This is one trick Dylan never pulled, though the Talking Heads did.)

When was Costello cruel exactly? The title evokes the sneering young man who spit acrid lines like “Don’t ask me to apologize/I won’t ask you to forgive me” back in 1978. The liner notes are seeded with other allusions to the persona forged in his early years. Production is credited to “The Imposter,” a reference to a song from 1980’s Get Happy that Costello has used as a pseudonym from time to time (although in this case, he actually shares the name with three other producers). Two of the three members of his legendary back-up band The Attractions—keyboardist Steve Nieve and drummer Pete Thomas—appear prominently on When I Was Cruel, and Costello would soon announce the formation of The Imposters with bassist Davey Faragher replacing the recalcitrant Bruce Thomas.

Calling the band The Imposters served two opposing purposes: to remind his audience of his brilliant history with The Attractions and to make it clear that this was not The Attractions and could never be. This doubleness of intent is all over When I Was Cruel. Unlike so many of his peers, Costello has never tried to bask in past glories. (He’s struck a defiantly anti-nostalgic tone in talking about his current tour revisiting 1982’s Imperial Bedroom.) Instead, on When I Was Cruel, he takes the temptation to live in the past as one of his central themes. The refrain of “When I Was Cruel No. 2” is “but it was so much easier/when I was cruel.” Several other songs cast a harsh light on the spectacle of people, specifically men, refusing to grow up. From “Spooky Girlfriend”: “I want a girl who’s helpless and frail/who won’t pull on my ponytail.” From “Daddy Can I Turn This?”: “Is anybody acting your age?/You got a girl you keep in a cage.” From “Episode of Blonde”: “She’s a trophy on your arm/a magnet for your money clip.”

The subject of “Alibi” could be either a man or a woman, although when I first heard it, at a concert before the release of When I Was Cruel, I assumed it must be addressed to a woman because it reminded me so much of “I Want You,” Costello’s epic psychodrama of curdled love. “I Want You” and “Alibi” are almost identical in length (6:41 and 6:42, respectively), and both build on the repetition of a simple title phrase rather than a traditional verse-chorus structure. At the concert I saw—Costello performing as a duo with Steve Nieve—“Alibi” achieved some of the show-stopping intensity fans have come to expect from “I Want You.” The studio version is more subdued (as is the original recording of “I Want You,” compared to the juggernaut it’s become on stage). Still, it’s a merciless song, exposing the irony in the past tense of “when I was cruel.”

“Insane, what a mundane Alibi, alibi And you only wanted to be famous Alibi, alibi Sorry, but your mummy doesn't love you Alibi, alibi Stop me if you've heard this.”

As we get older, we all accrue stories, justifications, excuses for the way things turned out. Costello calls these stories alibis because they cover up a crime: our failure to live up to our ideals. We act selfishly (“You did it 'cos you wanted…And you took it/'cos you need it/Alibi, alibi”); we let material comfort corrupt us (“You were happy when you were poor/and more honest and that’s your/Alibi, alibi”); we hurt those close enough to see us for what we are (“But if I've done something wrong there's no ifs and buts/'Cos I love you just as much as I hate your guts”). The “I” in “Alibi” could be the same needy manchild as in “Spooky Girlfriend” (or, for that matter, the jaded public defender of “Soul for Hire”) but then who is the “you”? In Costello’s world, point of view, like chronology, is slippery.

There is one line in “Alibi” I’ve never been able to parse: “But if I've done something right then don't be surprised/There are soldiers who will kill but refuse to die.” As inscrutable as it is, the reference to soldiers is a portal, a glimpse of something larger than one person’s delusions. For if there are stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, there is also another kind of story, the ones that happen to us, in which we are nothing more than bit players.

This larger story is present in the album’s opening lines:

“Bells are chiming for victory There's a page back in history 45 They came back to the world that they fought for Didn't turn out just like they thought”

The song “45” is, among other things, a bravura feat of punning. It refers not only to the year World War II ended but also to Costello’s age when he wrote the song, and to the 45 rpm records that were the defining artifact of his youth. In a sense, “45” is the seed that contains all of what would become Unfaithful Music. Costello makes it clear in his memoir that to grow up in England in the 1960s was to come of age not only with The Beatles but also with the lingering aftermath of the war. And while pop music showed young Declan MacManus the possibility of transcendence (“Bass and treble heal every hurt/There’s a rebel in a nylon shirt”) and reinvention (“So don’t you weep and shed/Just change your name instead”), the collective past makes its presence felt in his own songs. In “45,” it’s an echo in the distance as he contemplates his mortality: “Bells are chiming and tears are falling/It creeps up on you without a warning.”

Personal history and the other kind intertwine on When I Was Cruel until it becomes difficult to tell them apart. “Tart” opens with the words, “Hear silver trumpets will trill in the Arabic streets of Seville,” an evocation of a fallen empire. Later there is a reference to the rationing of nylon during World War II, which led women to create tromp l’oeil stockings with make-up and eyebrow pencil: “Nylon was hung from a peg/And a kohl black seam ran down her leg.” Despite these far-flung allusions, the feel of the song is intimate, sensual. Costello has described it as a reminder to himself not to give in to the dark side of his nature (“it was so much easier/when I was cruel”). So, beneath the impressionistic imagery, a familiar story. Haven’t we all tried to buck ourselves up by thinking about how bad people had it “back then”?

(“My Little Blue Window,” one of Costello’s few unambiguous love songs, uses more straightforward language to explore similar psychological terrain. In this case, the job of bolstering his spirits falls to his companion: “My lovely hooligan/Come by and smash my pane/'Til I can see right through/My little blue window.”)

“Dust 2…,” offers no such consolation. “Could I spit out the truth/Or would you rather just swallow a lie?” Costello asks but doesn’t wait for an answer. His lens never stops roving, abruptly jumping from panoramic view to extreme close-up. In observing the dust caught “beneath the marble fingernails of kings and saints,” he captures both the veneration and eventual neglect of all history’s great men. A snippet of sexual tension (“And then she caught you staring/She knows what you're thinking”) turns out to be just a fleeting moment of privacy before the outside world comes crashing in:

“Here comes the juggernaut Here come The Poisoners They choke the life and land And rob the joy from us Why do they taste of sugar? Oh, when they're made of money Here come the Lamb of God And the butcher's boy, Sonny”

This disturbing verse carries over from “Dust 2…” to “…Dust” (or is it vice versa?). Here, individual destiny and the larger forces of history are no longer even nominally distinct. People are reduced to either casualties (“Why did they dam the land?/How did they flood the plain?”) or collaborators (“You kept your mouth well shut/Appeared to turn your coat/Now there's a name for you but it's stuck in my throat”). Costello ends the song by acknowledging the limits of the transcendence he celebrates in “45”:

“If dust could only gather in the needle track Then it would skip a beat and it would jump right back If dust could only gather in a needle track Then it would skip a beat And all the sense I lack”

We lack the sense, the perspective really, to divine our place in the grand scheme. A love affair can feel as momentous as war. This breakdown in perspective becomes a kind of delirium in “15 Petals,” the album’s most powerful song. “I love you twisted/And I love you straight,” the singer tells the woman he is no longer with.

“I'd write it down but I can't concentrate Words won't obey they do as the please And all I am left with are these 15 petals One for every year I spent with you…” It bears noting that Costello had been married to Cait O’Riordan for about fifteen years at the time When I Was Cruel came out, and while the album (like many before it) is dedicated to her, they would divorce that same year. But “15 Petals” refuses to confine itself to the dimensions of gossip (“words won’t obey me…”). It’s a cracked kaleidoscope, shards of narrative and imagery catching the light for a moment before spinning away again: “Down in the tavern with Mary and Joe…Mussolini highway/There’s a frankincense tree…” The song ends with the lines, “Ein Panzer Kommander with no hair in place/The crooked battalion drilled holes in the square.” The Prince of Peace is born, peace is shattered by madmen. A marriage dies, an ex-husband pines for “useless battles I’ll never start”—around and around we go. The music is an uncanny personification of the mayhem in the lyrics. Acoustic and electric guitar, bass, and percussion (possibly a loop?) lock into a circular pattern; a horn section made up of members of The Jazz Passengers and The Mingus Big Band (both past Costello collaborators) stab through the mix with bleating, staccato commentary. The charts for 1983’s Punch the Clock, Costello’s earlier experiment with horns, sound cutesy by comparison. I’ve quoted and parsed the lyrics of When I Was Cruel at great length both because I believe they reward such close attention and because, as far as I know, no one has bothered to do it before. But up to this point I’ve neglected to mention that the album sounds incredible. Until When I Was Cruel, Costello had worked almost exclusively with big-name producers: Nick Lowe, country legend Billy Sherrill, Beatles engineer Geoff Emerick, British hitmakers Langer & Winstanley, New Orleans legend Allen Toussaint, roots-rock illuminati T-Bone Burnett, go-to '90s soundscaper Mitchell Froom, easy listening legend Burt Bacharach. The trio that joined Costello under the Imposter alias for Cruel have comparatively few credits to their names (the highlight of their resumes is probably some work as assistant engineers for fellow Irishmen Van Morrison and U2). And yet they helped him achieve what may just be his most fully realized sound. As Costello tells it, while on his way to a Lucinda Williams concert in New Jersey, he saw a 15-watt Sears Robuck amplifier in a shop window, and, “it just sort of spoke to me, and said, ‘Buy me, I am the sound of your next record.’” I’m no gearhead, so I’m not sure where the sound of that amplifier fits into the aesthetic of the album, but Costello and his production partners do at times flirt with a tinny quality; you can hear it in the unaccompanied electric guitar that opens the album and the shrill organ that rises to the top of the mix once the band kicks in. Far more striking is the influence of hip-hop and contemporary R&B. In the same interview in which he mentions the Sears Robuck amp, Costello namechecks Timbaland and El-P. “Spooky Girlfriend” was written with Destiny’s Child in mind, an obvious inspiration once it’s pointed out, which, in typical Costello fashion, he was quick to do in other interviews promoting the album. He even thanks Def Jam mogul Lyor Cohen in the liner notes. Costello has earned a reputation as an uncanny mimic; he can write a country weeper that’s a dead ringer for a George Jones classic or a torch song that sounds just right coming from Chet Baker. But on When I Was Cruel, he sublimates his sonic reference points into a style of rock and roll that is uniquely his. Unlike Lou Reed, he knows better than to stake a claim to rap music by spitting bars over a drum machine (RIP, Lou). And unlike Steve Earle, he understands there’s nothing intrinsically fresh about turntable beats and wicky-wicky scratches (love you, Steve!). What jumps out at you on first listen is that the album is thick with bass. Attractions bassist and Costello antagonist Bruce Thomas was known for his melodic approach, often playing intricate figures high up on the neck (this is not an original insight—I seem to recall Costello pointing this out somewhere or other). When I Was Cruel was Costello’s first rock album after the definitive dissolution of The Attractions, and you get the sense he felt liberated; the songs take full advantage of Davey Faragher’s meatier attack. (Tom Waits once described Faragher as “a gorilla of groove.”) Other emblematic touches: the skittering dub effect (phased guitar?) in the intro to “Alibi”; the way the piano and drums in “Tart” go from elegant and spare to thrashing and stark and back again, as if two different versions of the song have been roughly collaged together; the sample that drives the title track, a first for Costello. It’s a single syllable (“un”) taken from an Italian pop record O’Riordan played him, and it melds with a heavy looped beat, whispers of vibraphone, and James Bond guitar to create a languorous atmosphere unlike anything else he’s done. My favorite musical moment on the album, other than “15 Petals”’ feral horns, is a subtle bit of singing right at the very end. The voice we hear in “Radio Silence” belongs to a more tragic variation on the self-involved loser who appears throughout the album. He’s barricaded himself in a talk radio station and is threatening to commit suicide live on air; it’s unclear if he’s a listener driven to the brink by the histrionics the medium is known for—or the host, coming to grips with the toxic influence of his own vocation (“it was so much easier/when I was cruel”). In any case, he has an announcement to make:

“From this distance it’s hard to tell the difference Between a king and a jack And a poet and a hack Maintaining radio silence from now on” Costello is one of the only rockers whose range and power as a singer seem to have grown over the years. Consequently, he’s become a bit of a belter in middle age. (He’s in full cabaret mode in the previous song, “Episode of Blonde.”) But he treats these words—the album’s last—delicately, with a sense of resignation shading into tenderness. The sound coming from the radio is of a man who has dropped his alibis. He is, as Pema Chodron might put it, in a groundless state. Society is too frenzied and vacuous to recognize his worth, and from within his own unfinished life, he can’t see himself either. Is he a king or a commoner, a maker of history, or a victim of it? We invent stories to answer these questions, but when our stories fail us, the only thing left to do is stop telling them. There is a more mundane gloss on the song, as well: If memory serves, Costello performed “45” on The Tonight Show before When I Was Cruel was even announced, and in his couch chat with Jay Leno, he hinted at retirement. When I first played “Radio Silence,” I was convinced it was the last I’d hear from him. I took it as a kind of sequel to 1978’s “Radio Radio,” another plaint in which the industry he’s devoted his life to is nothing but an agent of conformity and mediocrity. Back then, he was a young man, raring to “bite the hand that feeds me”; this time, he was giving up with a sigh. I still suspect this was at least a part of what was on Costello’s mind when he wrote and recorded “Radio Silence.” But it’s also clear to me, clearer now that I’ve written this essay, that the song is connected to a set of concerns that Costello has explored in all his work, never more deeply than on When I Was Cruel. If he did intend the song as a definitive, however veiled, statement about his future, then he ignored the truth in the messy fictions his characters inhabit: We can never know for certain what life has in store for us. Case in point: Costello’s retirement didn’t take. Though he still periodically threatens to give up recording, he’s released seven studio albums since When I Was Cruel. The first of these, North, chronicles the end of his relationship with O’Riordan and—surprise!— the beginning of a new love affair with the jazz chanteuse Diana Krall, who would become his third wife and the mother of his twin sons. He even hosted two seasons of a TV talk show, a turn of events I for one didn’t see coming. Later this year, I’ll get another crack at introducing my son to the artist who has been such a constant presence in my life. Costello and Krall will be playing the parents in Pete the Cat, a new animated show based on Theo’s favorite books. Theo is two now, and he’s already lived through four bomb threats at his daycare center. These are the most troubled and troubling times I’ve known (“here come The Poisoners”). I can only hope the worst has passed before he’s old enough to remember. In the meantime, I find nourishment, if not comfort, in When I Was Cruel’s harsh but lucid vision. I’m approaching middle age and there are dark clouds ahead, but if there’s one thing this album still has to say to me after fifteen years, it’s that there’s no going back.