#I was NOT about to leave out Aston Wise ;)

[smolbeandrabbles]

Linzi’s 2022 Thank You Post

How did this come around so fast? I still remember making last years!!

So, in true New Year spirit this blog will once again be changing around in 2023... I’ve already started changing my layouts but there’s some other stuff coming 😁✌ Just gonna take me a while to figure things out! (No URL / pfp changes though, so - I’ll still be me!)

And uh, hopefully I might post some actual writing in 2023, because this year I posted exactly 2.

Gotta say thank you to The Band Camino. It’s always an incredible feeling to find a band that can articulate what you cannot whether you’re at your best or your worst, and this year they helped me through some difficult months... And to Starset, once again topping my most played artists, as they should! 😁

Anyways, enough about me! I would as ever like to say thank you to everyone for still being here! 

And especially to those of you that have put up with me over the course of the year through jumping around fandoms and all my DMs 😉

@mandy23b @sufferthesea @sagitariusrising - Thank you so much for everything in 2022 - for getting me through the lows and for being so many of my highs! Looking forward to where 2023 takes us already! ❤💜💙

Ahhh... we couldn’t close this out without doing what I did last year so, I present... my 2022 Men Of The Year! Yes, most of the characters I wrote for, no I didn’t post any so mayyybe in ‘23 you’ll see them?

[perspectivestarters]

Perspective's Sentence Starters; The Tortured Poets Department by Taylor Swift (Part III)

THE BLACK DOG

You forgot to turn it off.

I just don't understand how you don't miss me.

She's too young to know this song.

Old habits die screaming.

I move through the world with a heart broken.

I may never open up thе way I did for you.

You said I needed a bravе man.

Do you hate me?

Was it hazing for a cruel fraternity?

I pledged, and I still mean it.

Six weeks of breathing clean air, I still miss the smoke.

Were you making fun of me?

Now I wanna sell my house.

I hope you hear it.

I hope it's shitty in The Black Dog

This tail between your legs, you're leaving.

I still can't believe it.

IMGONNAGETYOUBACK

The one that fits me like skin.

You knew the price going in.

I can tell when somebody still wants me.

Once you fix your face, I'm going in.

Whether I'm gonna be your wife, or gonna smash up your bike, I haven't decided yet.

I'm gonna get you back.

Whether I'm gonna curse you out, or take you back to my house, I haven't decidеd yet.

You'll find that you were never not mine.

You're mine.

Small talk, big walk, act like I don't care what you did.

I'm an Aston Martin that you steered straight into the ditch.

I can take the upper hand and touch your body.

I might just love you 'til the end.

Whether I'm gonna flip you off, or pull you into the closet, I haven't decided yet.

I can feel it coming, honey, in the way you move.

We're becoming something new.

Say you got somebody else.

I got someone too

Even if it's handcuffed, I'm leaving here with you.

Bygones will be bygone.

Pick your poison, babe, I'm poison either way.

THE ALBATROSS

Wild winds are death to the candle.

A rose by any other name is a scandal.

They tried to warn him about her.

Cross your thoughtless heart.

She's the albatross.

She is here to destroy you.

One bad seed kills the garden.

One less temptress, one less dagger to sharpen.

Locked me up in towers, but I'd visit in your dreams.

They tried to warn you about me.

Devils that you know raise worse hell than a stranger.

She's the death you chose.

You're in terrible danger.

I've been there too, and that none of it matters

Wise men once read fake news and they believed it.

You couldn't conceive it.

You were sleeping soundly when they dragged you from your bed.

I tried to warn you about them.

I'm the albatross.

I swept in at the rescue.

The devil that you know looks now more like an angel.

I'm the life you chose.

CHLOE OR SAM OR SOPHIA OR MARCUS

I just watched it happen

Seemed like he would've bullied you in school.

You just watched it happen.

I loved you the way that you were.

If you want to tear my world apart, just say you've always wondered.

You said some things that I can't unabsorb.

You turned me into an idea of sorts.

You needed me, but you needed drugs more.

I couldn't watch it happen.

I changed into goddesses, villains, and fools.

Changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules all to outrun my desertion of you.

Too impaired by my youth to know what to do.

Will that make your memory fade from this scarlet maroon?

Could it be enough to just float in your orbit?

Can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses?

Cooler in theory, but not if you force it.

HOW DID IT END?

We hereby conduct this post-mortem.

He was a hot house flower to my outdoorsmen.

We could not cure them.

A touch that was my birth right became foreign.

It's happening again.

We'll tell no-one.

We must know, how did it end?

We were blind to unforeseen circumstances.

We learn the right steps to diffеrent dances.

Lost the game of chance, what are the chances?

Guess who we ran into at the shops?

Didn't you hear? They called it all off.

How did it end?

The deflation of our dreaming leaving me bereft and reeling.

But I still don't know, how did it end?

SO HIGH SCHOOL

I feel so high school every time I look at you.

I wanna find you in a crowd just to hide from you.

Tell me 'bout the first time you saw me.

I'll drink what you think.

I'm high from smoking your jokes all damn night.

Your friends are around, so be quiet.

I'm trying to stifle my sighs.

I feel so high school every time I look at you.

Are you gonna marry, kiss, or kill me?

It's just a game, but really.

I'm bettin' on all three for us two.

No one's evеr had me, not like you.

Touch me while your bros play Grand Theft Auto.

It's true, swear, scouts honor.

You knew what you wanted, and, boy, you got her.

You already know, babe.

I'm hearing voices like a madman.

I HATE IT HERE

Tell me something awful.

You are a poet trapped inside the body of a finance guy.

Tell me all your secrets.

All you'll ever be is my eternal consolation prize.

I was a debutant in another life, but now I seem to be scared to go outside.

If comfort is a construct, I don't believe in good luck.

Now that I know what's what.

I hate it here.

People need a key to get to.

The only one is mine.

I read about it in a book when I was a precocious child.

I'm there most of the year.

My friends used to play a game where we would pick a decade we wished we could live in instead of this.

Everyone would look down 'cause it wasn't fun now.

Seems like it was never even fun back then.

Nostalgia is a mind's trick.

If I'd been there, I'd hate it.

It was freezing in the palace.

They found a better planet.

Only the gentle survived.

I dreamed about it in the dark.

I felt like I might die.

I'm lonely, but I'm good.

I'm bitter, but I swear I'm fine.

I'll save all my romanticism for my inner life and I'll get lost on purpose.

This place made me feel worthless.

In my fantasies, I rise above it.

Way up there, I actually love it.

THANK YOU AIMEE

There's a bronze spray-tanned statue of you.

It was always the same searing pain.

All that time you were throwin' punches, I was buildin' somethin'.

I can't forgive the way you made me feel.

I can't forget the way you made me heal.

It wasn't a fair fight, or a clean kill.

She wrote hеadlines in the local paper, laughing at each baby step I'd take.

Everyone knows that my mother is a saintly woman, but she used to say she wished that you were dead.

Your words are still just ringing in my head.

When I count the scars, there's a moment of truth, that there wouldn't be this, if there hadn't been you.

Maybe you've reframed it.

In your mind, you never beat my spirit black and blue.

I don't think you've changed much.

I changed your name, and any real defining clues.

One day, your kid comes home singin' a song that only us two is gonna know is about you.

All that time you were throwin' punches, it was all for nothin'.

Our town, it looks so small, from way up here.

[alexiavettel]

chapter one

“The world was whole then, the sun and moon together as one”

pairing: charles leclerc x fem¡stroll!reader

word count: 2k+

warnings: asshole!charles, asshole!reader, some business stuff, shitty father, mentions of Jules (this one actually trigger me) eventual smut, use of Y/N and will be a miniserie

summary: Your father, Lawrence Stroll, and basically your boss have a good opportunity of linking Aston Martin with Ferrari’s stocks. But for that Binotto demanded that you, first driver of your dad’s formula one team, with your impeccable reputation start a fake relationship with the Ferrari’s golden boy Charles Leclerc. Which happens to have a not so good popularity, publicly cheating on with his ex girlfriend plenty of times and being a complete asshole with his ex teammate, Sebastian Vettel, who now is your teammate.

disclaimer: any photo used is not supposed to represent the reader, are all Pinterest pics that matches the context

(Y/n) Stroll POV:

No. I’m definitely not doing this.

“Dad no. I would rather die than pretending to be in love with that bastard!” I said after waiting for dad to finish telling me the worst thing I ever heard come out of his mouth.

“Sweetie I know it’s a shitty thing to ask for, but I need your help okay? You want to keep your seat in formula 1, don’t you kitten?”

“Yeah, of course I do!”

“You’re such a great driver and we worked really hard on your reputation, to keep it untouchable. I helped you a lot through your career and I hope you can help me now. Use your brain, sweetheart… Would be good for our business, our team, your career, everything!” Lawrence leans forward and put an arm around my shoulders, speaking in low volume.

“Can I just have a moment to at least think about it?” I shrugged finding a way out of his arm.

“Sure, just think wisely…” he reassured and leave me alone on his meeting room.

This isn’t the first time something like this happens, my father ALWAYS use his power over me. How he can easily take my seat away from me, take me out of the team and make my career a little bit harder than already is.

I’m not dumb, I know I deserve my seat. Obviously, I got into f1 rather faster than the others, because Stroll’s influence (and money) but I do deserve my seat. Ever since I got into the championships (F3, F2 and F1) I got the spotlight right in my face being the only woman on the grid only because “my daddy’s money”. But when I, as a rookie in Renault, got my first points only in the third race weekend getting a P8 everyone was looking at me a little bit different.

I had secretly received two emails showing interest on me: one from Mercedes to assume their second drivers seat in 2024 after Lewis supposed retirement and one from McLaren for 2023 after Daniel Ricciardo showing an interest to leave the constructor.

So yes, I do have a plan B. But I still need a seat to end this season. The best would be wait till the end of this year, and see what to do next. And what is dating the worst person that I ever met compared to the dream I have since I was 5.

The hate for Charles is old. More specifically since 2017 when we were teammates for prema for the Formula 2 championship. We didn’t like each other, almost everybody knew it because he made it very clear in all his interviews.

“(Y/n)! It’s lovely to see you again, congrats for the amazing win today! Even with today’s win Leclerc still a few points ahead of you in the championship, what you have to say about it?”

“Hm, thank you. Was it really an amazing race today, feeling good to have the opportunity to show myself a bit more this weekend. But yeah, I believe he’s these points ahead because Markelov crashed into me in Hungary and I lost engine last race”.

“But you both leading the championship it’s not good for prema?” The woman asked me while turning her head a little confused.

“Oh it is, but I would like to win the championship as much as Leclerc. It’s only a friendly competition between us” I just said smiling even tho my throat burned to say those words.

Charles Leclerc POV:

“Hi Charles awesome race, you did an amazing job today! But (Y/n) managed to overtake you in the very first laps, how do you fell about it?” Really? I haven’t noticed before…

“Well she’s a good driver but to be honest my car wasn’t feeling really great today so that’s probably one of the reasons she overtook me so easily” That’s true? No. Do I care? Also no.

“Okay, hm you surely want to win the championship but how you plan to do so with your teammate, and probably friend, chasing you only some points behind?”

“We are just teammates, okay? Not friends or anything. And I’m planning to give all of me in the next races and fight very bravery for the championship, no matter what is in the way” Or no matter who is in the way…

(Y/n) Stroll POV:

Was always like that… Me holding back my words and Leclerc almost writing in his forehead with a neon marker his hate towards me.

We grew up very far from each other, well until my dear dad decided to move to UK and we started karting together throughout Europe.

“But (Y/n) that was just a rivalry, don’t be dramatic” I heard that too many times. It’s not “just a rivalry” when your rival pushes you off the track making you brake some bones, or when he invents lies to your father yell at you in front of everyone before a tournament or worst when he treats your teammate like shit and still thinking that he is a god!

He is so damn stubborn and egocentric, he thinks he’s the best in everything. Paddle? Swimming? Skiing? Learning languages? (okay in this case he will never beat me and he knows it) Singing? Dancing? He thinks he nails it, even if he looks like a lizard doing everything.

But at driving… he always knew that I was at his level maybe even a little bit better than him. A competition to him, someone who didn’t get immediately on their knees in his first appearance, who his older brother always liked and especially someone who never cheer him up every time he wins.

But well it’s for my seat anyways so I texted my dad that I was up for it on my way home. If we really are going to do this it’s gotta be only after tomorrow, I’m really tired and with all this bullshit I’m even more.

•

“WITH HER?” I heard in the exact moment I walked into the conference room.

“Charles… It’s the deal. You alright signed” Lorenzo, his dear brother and manager, said to him. “I told you to read it before tho”

“Well I trust my team so I didn’t think they would do such a shitty thing like this”

“Shut up Leclerc you think I’m happy about it?” I said while going to a hug with Lorenzo “How you still have patience after all this time Lo?”

“Too many years, hun”

“Kitten, Binotto is already on his way. Why don’t you have a sit?” my father said and Charles held his laugh at the nickname so I discretely fixed my hair with my middle finger.

“Good morning guys, pleasure to see you all here today” the old man’s voice with a thick italian accent which could be recognised everywhere in the paddock entered the room.

“Binotto what the actual-“

“Sir can you please explain to Charles why this deal was created” Lorenzo interrupted his brother almost immediately.

“Exactly because of that… Your brother is a amazing driver but too hot headed, don’t know when to say the things, when to lie and etc. But with (Y/n) it’s different since everybody loves her, the media specifically which is the most important…”

“So it would be good to the both sides if you guys faked a relationship! Our companies somehow together, and your reputation so much better!” dad completed for the Ferrari’s team principal.

Watching Leclerc slowly and visibly dying inside can enter the list of favorite moments right now.

“Can we speak about it alone?” Charles said after almost a entire minute in silence.

“A-Ah sure” this caught everyone surprised.

“If you’re okay with that (Y/n)…” Lorenzo said getting up.

“Sure…” you will not surprise me Leclerc, I know you very well. He probably just gonna try to persuade me to forget about this as his last hope.

“Why’d you accept it?” was the first thing he said after everybody left.

“It’s good for the company” keep it short (Y/n).

“How your old man convinced you?”

“Doesn’t matter, but you know what does? We already accept and signed it and you are not going to change my mind”

“You must be really desperate to date me then huh?”

“You must be really desperate to save your shitty reputation to sign a contract without reading at least two lines of it”

“You don’t know shit about it!” Okay, there it is…

Stage one of mad Leclerc: starting to get pissed off.

“Ow don’t I? Your team accepted the very first offer they received to try to get your reputation better, even if that meant a partnership with a smaller company and basically selling you! Just because you can’t keep your shits down and keep losing sponsors” I am fucking good about getting him mad.

“You might be right about it but you accepting it just can mean one thing: you’re obsessed with me and this is the only chance you have to get at least a little closer to me or your family company it’s broking”

Stage two: teasing Leclerc (my least favourite).

“You have such a big head and still with a small brain! Maybe have crossed your mind that these are neither of my reasons?”

“So why you don’t tell me? It’s not like you having to choose this deal is my fault”

Stage three: trying to gaslighting.

“It’s not your fucking business”

“Always so foul-mouthed for what? For keeping everything that happens inside of yourself to anyone have any possibility of truly liking you?”

Stage four: pretend to be my therapist but just insults me.

“Have you ever stopped to think that maybe I just don’t like you and want you the farthest way possible of me? So that’s might be the reason I don’t tell you anything?”

“Oh shut up you’re just so stubborn and a fumier and a folle and stupide you think you’re the best even if you’re just an afraid little girl” if I didn’t know him for such a long time I wouldn’t understand what he is talking about because of the strong accent.

Stage five: multiple languages, strong accent and pouting like a kid.

“You’re over?” God he makes me sick… “Guys you can come in” I open the door and say a little louder so they can hear from the waiting room.

“So the deal still up?” My dad asked a little taken back.

“Sure” we said in unison.

“Nice! Since you both already signed the contract your respective pr managers already know about it. Now you guys just have be civil, determine rules between you two but remember: you NEED to look like a real couple and keep this deal down, the least amount of people knowing the better”

Welcome to hell.

•

“CAN YOU BELIEVE IT DEREK?” I screamed at my pt while running on the treadmill.

“Okay, so your dad got mad with you because you let Leclerc scream at you? How does that make sense?”

“It doesn’t! That’s the whole point! I’m so tired of his shit…”

“Take it easy it just needs to last to the end of this year, you can do it!”

“The season didn’t even started yet! Basically one year of this bullshit”

“Well, at least you got summer break…”

“I might have a break from my dad but not Leclerc. Or do you thing girlfriend and boyfriend, ew, spend their summers away from each other!”

“Yeah, you’re fucked” he tried to smile sympathetically.

“God I wish someday I’ll be just like you mate, married to an incredibly hot woman and got a cute little son running around and working for a amazing person”

“You were being too cute to be true… How do you manage to pass through a door with that big ego my girl? Don’t know how I still work for you”

“I pay well plus you love me” I said smiling after drinking water.

“Yeah you’re right-“

“WAIT YOU FINALLY SAID ‘I LOVE YOU’”

“No I didn’t-“

“In a weird way but you did, admit it!”

•

“We need to set some rules if we are actually doing this shit” I said seating before Charles disgusting Leclerc.

“You are calling our relationship ’shit’? This is it! I wanna break up”

“Stop being dramatic” this was actually funny what the hell?

“Just joking sweetheart”

“First we need to know what to call each other. I hate princess and kitty”

“Ew why would someone call their girl kitty? That’s not a weird name for pussy?”

“That’s one of the reasons I hate it”

“Unlike some people I love to be called by prince or king” he said moving back an imaginary long hair.

“I’m definitely not doing this” I might actually throw up. “Just say what you hate and I’ll try to avoid”

“Nothing particular maybe just mon loup. It makes me feel like I’m Toto Wolff”

“Okay the backstory Lorenzo and Liv (my pr manager) already created-“

“Wait they did?” He interrupted me.

“Yeah it’s basically our normal story, how we met and our ‘little fights’ all the same shit. The only thing it changed is that we fell in love with each other during the winter break”

“So it’s kind true isn’t it? You fell in love with me during the winter break but that was in 2016”

“Can you just shut down your ego for two seconds, please? We both know that would never happen”

“Yeah sure keep lying to yourself babe”

“Second rule: nothing of unnecessary PDA. Third: don’t get our careers involved”

“It’s exactly because of our careers we are in this situation-”

“I mean whatever comes out of this deal should not affect our careers.

Forth: don’t get yourself in trouble! We receive a lot of shitty questions and your dumb brain answers all of them the way the media want to just ruin you. You’re not doing this, not when we are ‘dating’, you heard me?”

“So what? Are you going to control me?”

“I intend to. We gonna do a plenty of press together so I will interrupt you every time I think it’s necessary”

“Fifth: not seeing other people while we are doing this…” okay that caught me off guard.

“Well you are the not so loyal one-“

“I didn’t cheated!”

“Ow so half the globe is blind and dumb?”

“WE WEREN’T DATING! When the photos came out we already had broken up for about 3 months”

“Yeah sure I don’t want to know the details of your love life. I just don’t wanna look like a dumb trophy girlfriend of a cheater. Sixth: you are not speaking shit to or about my teammate and my friends, my family is allowed but that just work for my father”

“You say like your dear teammate doesn’t know why we discussed so much… But okay. So that’s it? Can I go now?”

“Sure you can but don’t forget we have a ‘date’ tomorrow night” god that sounds so wrong and so gross at the same time.

⇨⇨⇨ next part

[landograndprix]

Hi! I just learned about F1 and some drivers but don’t know where to start learning or what to learn about F1 racing 😭😭😭 I really want to get into F1 so if you could recommend me something or idk anything to help me that’ll be great

Okay so I think knowing the basics goes a long way so here's a simple explanation—

The grid consists of 10 teams with each 2 drivers ⤵

red bull -> Max Verstappen, Sergio 'checo' Perez

mercedes -> Lewis Hamilton, George Russell

ferrari -> Charles Leclerc, Carlos Sainz Jr

Mclaren -> Lando Norris, Oscar Piastri

Aston Martin -> Fernando Alonso, Lance Stroll

Williams -> Alex Albon, Logan Sargeant

racing bulls -> Yuki Tsunoda, Daniel Ricciardo

Alpine -> Esteban Ocon, Pierre Gasly

Stake -> Valtteri Bottas, Zhou Guanyu

Haas -> Kevin Magnussen, Nico Hulkenberg

there's third drivers as well who for example take the seat of a driver who's fallen sick and aren't able to race that weekend but we'll get to that once it actually happens 😅

Race weekends consists of three days ⤵

Fridays are for free practice 1 & 2

Saturdays are for free practice 3 & qualifying

Sundays are for the race

* schedule is different during sprint weeks, you can read about that here.

- free practice 1,2 & 3

Are sessions where teams and drivers get used to the track and test car setups and gather data and all that.

- qualifying

Determines the starting grid.

The first five drivers with the slowest laptime will be eliminated in Q1

In Q2 the next five slowest drivers are eliminated

Q3 will determine the top 10, the driver with the fastest lap will get pole position, so will start in p1.

- race

should be simple, just the race.

the drivers who finish in the top 10 all get points.

P1 - 25 points

P2 - 18 points

P3 - 15 points

P4 - 12 points

P5 - 10 points

P6 - 8 points

P7 - 6 points

P8 - 4 points

P9 - 2 points

P10 - 1 point

+ 1 bonus point for the driver with the fastest lap, that is if they place in the top ten.

++ there's a thing called Driver of the day where we can vote for who we think deserves to be called driver of the day but they don't get points for it

there's the drivers championship for the drivers obviously and the constructors championship for the teams.

tires ⤵

Softs –> the fastest tire, but are likely to wear out before the harder ones do.

Mediums -> somewhere in the middle tire. usually slower than the softs and faster than hards, should also last longer then softs and shorter than hard.

Hard –> don't have a lot of grip but should last the longest.

intermediates -> used on a wet track as well as a drying track

full wets -> for the heavy rain

flags ⤵

Green flag -> means the track is clear

Red flag -> means the race has been put to a stop and all cars should make their way back to the pits. Most likely after an incident or during risky weather conditions

chequered flag -> first one to see this flag is the race winner

yellow flag -> means the drivers need to slow down most likely due to debris on the track, a driver's spun out

sc -> Safety Car is put on track when an incident blocks the track and/or leaves a lot of debris. The drivers need to stay behind the sc until the marshals have cleared up.

vsc -> virtual safety car put out for minor incidents, where no safety car is on track, but drivers need to slow down to a required delta.

* there are so many flags but I feel like these are the most important ones for a beginner to know

honestly, there's so much to f1 and I'd be here for hours if I have to talk about it all but my best advice is to watch the races, look things up, watch stuff on YouTube and driver wise, if you want to get to know them more, look up their teams YouTube channels they do challenges and all that and hell, some drivers have their own channels and most importantly, don't be afraid to ask others if you're confused about something..I remember my first f1 race 😅

got you some links that might help you 😘

f1

f1 glossary

f1 beginners guides

f1 YouTube

drivers

Charles YouTube

Carlos YouTube

Lando YouTube + quadrant

[inchidentally]

https://www.tumblr.com/inchidentally/742246572437504000/apart-from-the-absurdity-of-thinking-that-mclaren?source=share

Pro tip from someone who has been in this world for a really long time: DON'T READ WHAT KARUN HAS TO SAY!

Moreover, Oscar and his environment are happy with the cooperation with McLaren, just as McLaren is happy with Oscar being their driver. So there is no logical reason for Oscar to change his surroundings. Plus, from a sporting point of view, the move to Mercedes will not be an upgrade for Oscar. Another thing George and Oscar will have different car preferences, in McLaren Lando and Oscar are on the same side of the river so. The media first focused on Lando and his move to Red Bull, and now they started focusing on Oscar. Jesus, I'm tired of this season and the season hasn't exactly started yet. Another thing that pisses me off about all this is putting enormous pressure on Kimi Antonelli. His career is already so accelerated that it cannot be accelerated any further. Let the media leave him alone. Carlos in Mercedes or Red Bull is also a suicide mission because George and Max love oversteer cars and Carlos loves understeer. And in these two teams, Carlos will be the number two. So the only logical move is Audi or Aston Martin if Fernando does not renew his contract with AM or goes to Mercedes. If Sebastian wasn't stubborn, Mercedes would welcome him with open arms. A German driver in a German team, what more could you want. Plus the current regulations we have in F1 are perfectly designed for him (AM has blood on their hands for not giving him the car he deserved). There are also side options like Esteban and Pierre (their contracts are running out after this season) and Mick.

This is a digression from me.

you absolutely nailed it all anon !! like I really need everyone to remember that not only is it a journalist/presenter/pundits job sometimes to throw out wild cards and generate engagement, it's also the truth that Oscar has a particularly and uniquely brilliant set up with Lando and McLaren. and that there is literally no option for him that wouldn't be a pointless frustration or an outright downgrade. Andrea Stella and Zak Brown deserve every acknowledgement for how wisely they've put this partnership together.

but in particular Karun invoking Mark's name is hysterical bc Mark is why the McLaren move even happened AND Mark is not in the business of burning bridges with teams in a restless chase after a WDC.

Mark also hasn't spent the years managing Oscar and talking about wanting the kid to feel stability and the importance of trusting the people and team around him to start wheeling and dealing so that Oscar ends up with four teams behind him before he's even thirty !!!

overall, if the headline makes your heart race and has absolutely no history to support it then move on from it. the Lewis to Ferrari move was huge but it was NOT the first time Lewis had talked about it and we now know that Ferrari and Carlos talks were a long time in breaking down. both of these drivers have already made moves - they aren't in their second season of Formula 1. the biggest shocker about that was the timing of the announcement which sounds like it was bc an outlet was about to scoop it anyway.

and seriously as you said, it cannot be emphasized enough - and this is one positive point among many in favor of McLaren for Oscar and Lando - that having both drivers match up their preferences for the car to the point of as Andrea Said, using the same terminology and having their own private agreements on it, is so unusual and so hugely beneficial that it's why everyone makes a big deal of it with McLaren. if that were all that the boys had going for them at McLaren, it would be reason enough to stay put rather than go through two years adjusting to someone else's car and inevitably putting off race wins and a championship even longer.

[rosyjuly]

(1/2) hi i’m new i literally made a tumblr just to say this but… do i hear Spirited Aaway (best movie of all time) au? (even if you don't know what that is i need to speak my truth so) plot wise mick is travelling with his dad to visit somewhere idk and they end up in the spirit realm and michael gets cursed to enter enchanted sleep so mick goes to the bathhouse that’s in the distance where he meets this scruffy older guy with eyes like running water who tells him to “go, run, leave before dark” but we all know that doesn't happen 🙄 and instead gets stuck in the spirit realm. the unkept hot guy mick keeps on thinking feels familiar tells him to survive and get his dad back he must go to upper management and beg for a job so he does and SURPRISE the bathhouse is a metaphor for ferrari and they take away mick’s last name like in the movie and make him forget about his past life. it turns out that weirdo blue-eyed man is the right hand to the bathhouse owner (who? WILL come up later) and he’s super powerful and can turn into a dragon and his name is ✨seb✨ but mick is like… don’t i know you from my repressed childhood..? no? anyway i don’t think that’s your name but i will not examine that. after that estiebestie the nice demon is tasked to train him in how to do bathhouse stuff (he’s the cool mentor woman in the film i don’t remember her name) and he’s the only one who’s nice to mick. mick suffers for a bit, because he’s a nepo baby who’s never done manual labor at heart. then alex the mud spirit comes through (rbr to williams resurrection metaphor) and so does no-face (fernando alonso because that image is really funny to me, not for thematic reasons). seb (haku) hates him. it’s great.

(2/2) anyway whatever whatever climax of the story seb goes to steal the “golden seal” (wdc) and gets super poisoned (again, metaphor) so mick goes down to the boiler room again to meet with seb’s oldest and only friend, a spirit who used to be super powerful but was cast aside to the basement after becoming disillusioned by the bathhouse (guess who? it’s kimi lol. he could pull off the boiler guy). grumpy boiler guy tells him to travel to the empire across the sea and gives him the train tickets. also charles is there because charles is the giant baby (ferrari chosen one iykyk) but he’s better and cooler than the baby in the film. they travel all the way to the cottage of TOTO WOLFF who is the nice witch and he tells them about his old friend/rival (lover? 😳) MAURIZIO ARRIVABENE and his cursed ferrari bathhouse who has seb in a chokehold. anyway mick gets emotionally adopted and seb is cured and shows up and the door and turns into a dragon to fly them back (it’s glorious). (a.n: george is the hopping lamppost this is so important to me). on the way mick has a revelation. am i… into men? lmao jokes. his realization is that seb was the river spirit his dad used to take him too when he was a kid in the german countryside and the spirit’s name is ✨sebastian vettel✨. it’s moving and beautiful and whatever. they get back and return charles the mouse to ferrari so they can release sebby’s contract (aston martin era), mick goes back to real life and travells back to his hometown to see the river and SURPRISE there’s a scruffy older guy with eyes like running water (😉) waiting on the shore. the end. thanks for listening <3

anon, i watched the movie just for you and this is 10/10, no notes. fernando alonso as no face really killed me!!! toto wolff being the nice witch... i think niceness is relative but if he gets my boy a seat on the grid (who needs l. sargeant if we're being honest here) i will forgive some stuff for him... maybe it's binotto who's baby charles's grandma!

also anon HI you made a tumblr just for this!!! i hope you have fun on here!

[whatsthecraicwithsports]

What's Next For Lewis Hamilton?

As we finally head in to another race week, now might be a good time to discuss the question that's begun to crop up more and more over the course of the last 6 months and will undoubtedly be asked this weekend:

With his contract with Mercedes AMG Petronas F1 Team coming to an end this year, what will Lewis Hamilton do now?

There are a couple of options, some more realistic than others, so let's start with the most unlikely.

Lewis Hamilton Joins Red Bull

Even though we would all love to see Lewis and Max battle it out once again and being teammates would only add to the drama, there's absolutely 0 chance of this happening.

Despite Checo Perez's contract also expiring at the end of the season, Red Bull already have a solid option in Daniel Ricciardo - the team's current 3rd driver - should they decide not to re-sign Sergio.

Plus, Christian Horner has already ruled out a move for the Goat to the Bulls.

Still in F1 Silly Season, anything can happen. I just wouldn't be holding my breath on this one.

Lewis Hamilton Joins Aston Martin

Coming in at the second least probable way this contract situation ends is Lewis Hamilton making a return to a British team.

A move to the Silverstone-based team would however be reliant on one of two things:

Fernando Alonso retires (and based on his performances this season, that is still most likely a few years off)

Lawrence Stroll kicking his own son out of a seat.

The chances of either of those things happening are up there with Nikita Mazepin returning to the sport in terms of likelihood - not statistically impossible, but it certainly feels like it.

Lewis Hamilton Joins Ferrari

A wise man once said "Everyone is a Ferrari fan. Even if they say they're not, they are Ferrari fans." And it's true. The Prancing Horse is synonymous with Formula One. In many ways, Ferrari is Formula 1.

There is not a driver on the grid who will not have, at some point, had a dream of driving for the team from Maranello. And Lewis Hamilton is no exception.

However, it's been no secret that the team has been in a slump in recent years; providing no World Drivers Championships since Kimi Raikkonen clinched the title by one point in Brazil all the way back in 2007. And if the beginning of this season is anything to go by, that does not appear to be changing any time soon.

If Lewis were to leave Mercedes due to the poor form over the 2022 season and the shaky start to 2023, logic would dictate that he would be leaving to join a team in a stronger position than the one he currently finds himself in. The unfortunate reality for Formula One fans is that, at this moment in time, Ferrari are not that team. There have been times over the past couple of season where you wouldn't be out of place by believing that Ferrari may never win another World Championship again.

Lewis Hamilton Retires

If there are no viable alternatives, is it out of the question that the 7x World Champion calls it quits?

If you ask the man yourself: Yes.

The events of Abu Dhabi 2021 sent shockwaves throughout the racing community, and re-lit a fire in Lewis Hamilton. The Mercedes driver has stated, even under the scrutiny of a lie detector, that he will not retire until he reclaims the 8th title that was stolen from him back in 2021.

"Working on my masterpiece, I'll be the one to decide when it's finished." - Lewis Hamilton

Lewis Hamilton Stays at Mercedes

Both the most obvious and the most likely of options at this moment in time. Hamilton is more than just a driver for the German manufacturer. He is Mr. Mercedes. The team will likely move heaven and earth to retain his services if not for his unfathomable talent, but for his sheer value to the Mercedes brand as a whole.

Plus, Hamilton isn't the only one to make his intentions about his title ambitions clear, with team principle Toto Wolff vowing that Mercedes will get Lewis his 8th title. Wolff even went as far to claim that Lewis still has another four years in him which, if Fernando Alonso's resurgence is anything to go by, could yet prove correct.

When Hamilton decided to move from McLaren to a new team it proved to be one of the greatest decisions the in the history of sport. And that decision, despite push-back from those around him, was made entirely by Lewis alone.

And when all is said and done and a decision must be made, it is Lewis Hamilton who will once again be in the driving seat (pun intended).

Should he retire, he will do so as the most successful Formula One driver of all time. Should he continue, chances are he will only cement that fact.

[tee-hee-hee-i-need-help]

MISS. GOODING QUOTES CAUSE, well yk why

'Cole and Callum, if I have to speak to you again, Cole, you'll be in the corner on those boxes. And, Callum, you'll be in that corner on those boxes!'

'And stop turning around - I'm tired of seeing you gazing into his eyes!'

'Leave your flipping nails alone!' (To Sophie Francis)

In Maths today, Miss was muttering to herself and suddenly, she just went: 'ARGH!' and then, a few seconds later, 'Oh, sugar...'

'Yo.' (When she entered the classroom)

'I dunno why I love it when good kids get detention... At least you're not crying.'

'I dunno why I'm laughing, it's disgusting!'

'Right, you little rat.' (When she found out Aston could write again (he's had a broken arm))

In Maths today, Miss asked Tobias to go downstairs and get the guillotine. He brought it up and asked where to put it. She thought for a second, and then said 'Down there', pointing to the floor. He put it down, did a little bunny hop over it to walk back to his seat, and then she was sat on the floor cutting our y-intercept worksheets.

Miss. Gooding is head of Yr.11 this year. She was organising a Halloween disco to raise money for their prom. She was asking us what food and drinks she should get in lesson, and I asked whether they would be allergen-friendly, as my little brother is Coeliac. She spent about ten minutes googling and asking me what he can and can't have. She's fucking amazing.

'I own my stupidity.' (She forgot to divide by 2 while working out the area of a triangle)

*doing shit with her arm* 'A whale, that's weird...' (The action was for 'divide into'. Yh, idk.)

'Horrible child.'

'Do she!'

'If you lot have learnt anything this lesson, I will be GOBSMACKED.'

'I-I-I I'm done for today. I hate life.'

*happy dances*

'Time is nonrefundable. Spend it wisely."

[dear-ao3]

spain. or, spain without the s if you are a driver from spain. hello and welcome everyone to the first triple header of the season, and the 1111th formula 1 grand prix. today is june 26, 2024 and lets jump in.

on account of the fact that this is in fact a triple header, we will once again be speed running because if i get behind it is game over for everyone, especially me.

-jumping straight in, in terms of contract news this week we have had none, though there continues to be speculations. so, carlos has still not announced where he is going next year. but he has said that he wants to. during thursdays press conference he said "i dont want to wait any longer, its time to make a decision." thought he did also say that he hasn't figured out where he still wants to and hes still brainstorming with his team about it.

-remember, he also has claimed that every team with an open seat (which would be haas, alpine, sauber, williams, mercedes, rb and maybe even aston) has offered him a contract, but he has accepted none, likely because there isn't one single contract that is giving him everything that he wants in terms of years, money, sponsors, the actual car, etc etc.

-kevin magnussen did sort of throw carlos under the bus a little, saying that he is the "cork in the bottle" of driver contracts right now. it seems like everyone else is waiting for him to make a move before they announce anything themselves, so hence why its been decently dead contract wise this week. kevin did also hint that he might be leaving at the end of the season, but that he doesnt really want to.

-there are rumors that logan has signed with the prema indy car team

-so while there hasn't been contract drama, there definitely has been other drama

-mostly at mercedes?

-merc started the week off strong by getting an anonymous whistle blower email sent to them (at least, to my understanding) that basically said that the team had been purposefully sabotaging lewis's car and pretty much accused george russell of sleeping with toto

-mercedes took this pretty seriously, they denied everything in the email and have reportedly gotten the police involved and are tracing the ip address and all that

-lewis responded as well throwing his support behind george, saying "i think we need support, not negativity. i wasnt aware that george was experiencing negativity. george does nothing but his best every single weekend, and hes developing with the team. so he cant be faulted at all."

-people are also speculating that mercedes got a new instagram admin or just social media admin. if you'll remember, last week they forgot about lewis's sprint podium in china and also merc fans have pointed out that most of the social media posts have been about george since the beginning of the year

-well. mercedes started the week of strong with a post of their best spain moments and most of them were of lewis (because hes been with the team longer) but! the photo dump also included a photo of one valtteri bottas (previous mercedes driver, george russell took his seat in 2022) and one nico rosberg. they also tagged nico. i really couldnt tell you the last time the merc account posted a picture of nico but it definitely wasnt recently

-in case you need a refresher on nico rosberg, he was the 2016 world champion. he beat lewis hamilton in equal machinery that year and then immediately retired after winning the championship. he and lewis were childhood friends, but their friendship (brocedes) did not survive their three year fight for the world championship.

-hilariously, the 2016 spanish gp happened to be one of the climaxes of the brocedes divorce. this is because the two of them crashed into eachother on lap one here. its kind of contested as to whos fault it was but they definitely crashed (this also ended up being max verstappens first win, it was also his first race with red bull)

-reportedly (as in according to nico) toto made them sign a contract after this saying that if they crashed into eahcother again the two of them would have to pay for the damage. also aparently the wrecked side pods are still on display at the merc hq.

-anyway by far the funniest thing to come of this was nico making and editing this video himself, years later, on his youtube channel about the spanish gp track:

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-what does this have to do with anything? well nothing really other than that its important f1 lore

-also. lewis hamilton ran a love is love helmet at least during practice and qualifying this weekend. it was in a slightly more yellow shade of yellow than his usual helmet. it happened though to be pretty much the exact same shade of yellow that nico's helmet used to be (before he changed it to black to cut down on weight)

-and where was nico rosberg during this weekend? well he wasnt in the paddock, ill tell you that. we'll reveal where he was later

-moving away from mercedes, lando was also being a menace (and a pickpocket) as per usual

-lando and oscar also showed up in the most confusing outfits known to mankind. what the fuck was the weather? no one knows not even them

-oscar also posted pictures and a video of him absolutely failing at playing paddle. probably proving alex and logan correct that he sucks

-lando collected a hat and sunglasses during a fan stage that fans made for him and absolutely slayed the moment

-lando also continued with the calling oscar strange nicknames by calling him "osco"

-stake as usual had some bonkers ass social media posts. here's one of them

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-there was massive discussion about the growing prices of race tickets at silverstone (england) which is aparently not yet sold out this year. lewis said that "the prices needed to be reevaluated or something similar, i cant exactly find the quote. "we have to watch ticket prices. i think theyre continuing to rise and the cost of living nowadays, i think its too high. im just thinking from the perspective of a fan that would come with a family. its hugely expensive." they also asked max if he thought red bull dominance was causing people to not buy tickets and he said "i dont think its my fault. the current f1 season is very exciting with multiple teams fighting for wind recently. if a promoter cannot cover all the seats, maybe they need to first look a themselves and see what they are doing wrong. in other places they are managing to fill the stands quite easily."

-haas is involved in a court case with their previous sponsor uralkali. this was the sponsor that they dropped at the beginning of 2022 after it couldnt be proven that they weren't funding the Ukrainian war on the side of the russians. aparently haas owes them money

-david coulthard made fun of logans parking job

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-charles was one of the olympic torchbearers in monaco

-charles also said in a video for ferrari that yes, he did adopt oscar. oscar did not attempt to get adopted by any drivers for the spanish gp.

-and entirely unrelated but danica patrick, one of the sky sports announcers that is generally disliked because among other reasons, she is against women being in motorsports despite the fact that she herself is an ex driver and champion, posted a video on her YouTube channel about the existence of lizard people

-moving on to actual racing

-logan sargeant finally had all the same parts on his car as alex albon, however whether or not those parts worked the same was debated

-vcarb brought an update. this would prove to be a flop.

-f1 tested this graphic

-lance stroll said that adrian newey should go to aston, the newey to ferrari rumors still persist

-and, most interestingly, flavio briatore is back

-who is flavio? well

-if you remember several updates ago i talked about the 2008 singapore grand prix, which was infamous for many reasons but the main one being that Renault and specifically briatore (who was the team principal at the time) were found guilty of race fixing

-essentially, fernando alonso, one of the Renault drivers, had qualified around i think p15 and pitted on lap 14. right after that briatore instructed his other driver, nelson piquet jr, to crash on purpose. this caused a safety car that benefitted fernando immensely because all the other teams pitted and he stayed out cause he was already on fresher tires

-this is also where Filipe massa had an unsafe release from the ferrari pit because the gas hose was still attached to his car, this later would cost him the world champion title and he sued this year over this very race

-this was all discovered because in 2009 piquet jr got fired by renault for underperforming mid season and made a statement to the fia about what had happened at the 2008 singapore race, which sparked an investigation which revealed that briatore had in fact fixed the race bu asking piquet jr to crash. piquet jr agreed because he was in pretty intense contract talks with briatore and wanted to keep his seat

-anyway, all this resulted in briatore getting a life ban from f1, which as later reduced to 15 years. those 15 years are now up. and he was back in the alpine garage this weekend. in ter est ing

-with all that. practice.

-ollie bearman raced in practice 1 for haas. i didnt watch it but i think he did fine. were still waiting on his haas contract to be announced cause it seems very likely.

-charles and lance both committed some war crimes in fp3. charles pretty much boinked into lando and i think that lance impeded someone. cant remember who. its not in my notes for some reason. either way, both only got off with warnings, no penalties. later on, karun said that charles was "as angry as a mosquito in a mannequin store" after getting impeded during practice. he also called i believe it was lando a "fucker" over the radio.

-before qualifying there was a disaster in the mclaren garage in the form of a fire. everyone was fine but lando did come out of the garage in only his no show socks

-lando said that before qualifying he ended up taking over zak browns office instead of his own drivers room because of the fire and said that many people offered to let him into their motorhomes instead

-qualifying was tight. there was a seven way battle for pole: max, charles, carlos, lando, oscar, george and lewis. that's right, mercedes still seemed to have their shit together and was battling it out at the front. and ferrari seemed to have put their shit back together after their disappointing canada race. checo had a three place grid penalty from the crash in canada, so he was out of the pole running.

-qualifying in spain is very important because of the 33 races that there have been here, 24 have been won from pole and 30 have been won from the front row.

-and from q1 qualifying was certainly tight. yuki, who ended up out in p16, was only .8 off of pole. and he was out in q1.

-also out was magnussen, ricciardo, albon and sargeant. williams were expecting to to badly tough, vcarb was not because they had brought an upgrade (which clearly flopped. lets remember that danny rics qualified p5 in canada)

-logan also impeded lance, charging his battery while on the racing line. he got a three place grid penalty, and was already starting 20th so he sarted....20th.

-q2 went about the same. it was tight. verstappen, hamilton, norris, russell and sainz all ended within .2 of eachother.

-out in q2 was alonso, bottas, hulkenberg, stroll and zhou. this was actually zhou's first time getting into q2 in a race qualifying.

-which left us with verstappen, perez, sainz, lecelrc, norris, piastri, hamilton, russell and *checks notes* gasly and ocon ??? in q3??? hello alpine what are you doing here???

-alpine aparently though, clearly, had gotten their shit at least slightly together.

-this was where they started to say that the mclaren was faster than the red bull. but not if max verstappen had anything to say about it.

-with two minutes left in qualifying, these were the times:

-max verstappen was on provisional pole with a 1:11.673. lando norris was 0.123 behind him in p2, then lewis hamilton 0.143 behind him in p3. george russell was next in p4, 0.167 seconds behind lewis, and sainz was 0.242 behind george in p5. charles was 0.226 behind carlos in p6, pierre was 1.180 seconds behind charles in p7, ocon was 1.372 seconds behind pierre in p8, checo was 1.388 seconds behind esteban in p9. and oscar was in p10 with no lap time set because his had been deleted.

-everyone had one more, blistering lap. and boy did it shake things up.

-lando was able to find more time and overtook max for pole position! the second of his career! he got pole by 2 hundredths of a second!

-the standings were:

-lando with a 1:11.383 -max +.020 -lewis +.318 -george +.320 -charles +.348 -carlos +.353 -pierre +.474 -checo +.678 -eseteban +.742 -oscar, no time set for track limits again

-and so we had a lando pole, a max p2 and a lewis p3

-strangely, lando was not really super pleased seemingly about the fact that he was on pole?? and he and max had a regular gossip session right after while they were still taking their helmets off

-this was, by the way, the first time mclaren had started on pole in spain since kimi raikkonen in 2005, which was on ollie bearmans literal and actual birthday

-in his post interview lando said that he did "pretty much a perfect lap....my best pole position.....i havent had many" (hes had one)

-max was asked how he feels now that hes not getting "easy poles" and he said "they were never easy poles, its always a battle with yourself, but now there are more teams (battling) which is good for f1" nobody wants the max verstappen dominance to end more than max verstappen lol

-and lewis! was back! he said, predictably "im really happy....its down to everyone back at the factory" and he ALSO said "george did a great job today as well" absolutely quashing the lover boy rumors

-in the press conference lewis, first of all had time to change before the press conference and second told everyone that he had "missed this sofa" he also took a selfie with lando and max while lando was mid sentence

-and the race.

-oh boy the race

-"dont blink for the next 66 laps ladies and gentlemen" crofty said. and crofty was correct because george russell stormed down the front at the start, knocking everyone's socks off and taking the lead from p4!

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-this really bongled things for our friends max and lando who had been fighting eachother and thus, loosing time. this would come back to haunt them, especially lando, later

-george's lead though was short lived because max was within DRS of him, giving him an extra 18kph of speed and over his radio, gp told him "this might be our best opportunity" and before lap three was over max was back in front of george and by lap 4 he was already 1 second ahead of george, and thus, out of drs range

-it was shaping up for a very sexy canada two, electric boogaloo between max, lando, and the two mercedes

-menawhile, the ferraris were doing what ferraris do best. fighting.

-the two of them touched briefly when carlos was passing charles around the outside. charles took this as carlos leaving the track and gaining an advantage and they fought about it over the radio

-"ah, he closed on me, carlos" charles said

-"he touched me, we collided and he pushed me off. he touched my rear right so i was clearly ahead" carlos said

-the two of them really ripped into eachother about this post race in the media pen, with charles saying "i understand its his home race ...so i guess he wanted to do something spectacular but i was probably not the right person to do that with." apparently he also said that they were supposed to save their tires but carlos didnt and overtook him and kind of screwed over the strategy. and carlos said "too many times after the race he complains about something"

-but thats neither here nor there

-by lap 8 the top 6 were all separated by 5.5 seconds. the undercut on this track is insane and almost two seconds. so it was a game of Who Will Pit First. which was about to be a fun game cause they were all on soft tires.

-someone who was not in the top 6 was fernando alonso. and he was "having a pretty miserable time so far" because he was about to get undercut by kevin magnussen. rather disappointing for him at his home race.

-also having a miserable time was nico hulkenberg, who was down in 11th. "he rather likes an 11th place finish" crofty said. "which is just disappointing."

-also disappointing was whatever mclaren was doing. lando and george were running third and fourth. lando could have undercut george. george could have undercut lando. but neither of them pitted. checo pitted though, for another set of soft tires. which was also interesting.

-lando even had a fake out radio saying that they were going to pit him to get george to pit. and it worked. george had a bad pit stop (5.3 seconds in the pit box) on lap 16 and ended ip coming out right behind carlos sainz, further down the order

-meanwhile, Kevin magnussen got a time penalty for a false start. no one was surprised.

-but george was stuck battling carlos now to work his way back up the order, and had lost whatever benefit a new set of tires was going to give him. this was great news for both lando and lewis.

-lewis pitted on lap 17 and had a much smoother pit stop, only 2.3 seconds in the box and he came out in 9th, immediately passing fernando alonso for 8th

-max also pitted on lap 18, and had 1.9 seconds in the box, tying red bulls fastest pit time for the season so far, he came out fourth

-lando was back in the lead, but he was on old soft tires.

-on lap 19 the top 10 were lando, charles, oscar, max, george, carlos, lewis, Fernando, pierre and esteban, though the top three still needed to pit

-lewis was battling with carlos for 6th and after almost touching him, he was able to pass him on lap 20

-"he touched me!" carlos yelled over the radio, loudly expressing his opinion that lewis gained an advantage and should let him by

-lewis did not give him the place back. he also got fastest lap.

-meanwhile, lando was still not pitting, he was trying to go long to beat max in terms of tire age. a one stop was definitely not ideal, but he could be trying for it.

-"any news?" carlos asked on lap 22 about lewis giving him the position back. there was no news. the stewards ruled it as no further action "i dont know why there is rule book if we do not follow it" carlos said, frustrated

-lando was still out on his old soft tires. oscar had already pitted and he was the last mclaren standing on his softs. max was only lapping .6 faster than he was, and he was on brand new tires. the mclaren was the fastest car on track, but red bull had max

-lando finally pitted on lap 23, 2.3 seconds in the pit box, and he came out in 6th. he had extended 6 laps longer than max had, hoping that this would give him an advantage in the end. should this happen, he would be overtaking max for the win at the very end and would need to pit again for softs to do so. he was presently 11.5 seconds behind max

-lando was determined. he set the fastest lap on lap 26 and by lap 27 the gap to max was down to 9 seconds. he was also lapping faster than max

-max also was having problems with his tires "the tires are very inconsistent!" he complained

-while all that was happening, lewis hamilton was holding his own. though mercedes was not really working as a team. on lap 31 george was running in second, and lewis was 1.2 seconds behind him. lando was coming up on lewis. crofty speculated live on air why didnt george just drop back a tad to give lewis the DRS to stay ahead of lando?? but alas, mercedes didnt do that. lewis was overtaken by lando on lap 32

-by lap 36, lando and george were in an overtake battle for second. lando ended up winning the battle. crofty wanted to call it the old switcheroo, but he didnt want to upset people

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-george ended up pitting the lap after, for hards. which was weird and interesting because pretty much no one was on hards. and this turned out to be a bad idea all around

-"this tire does not feel good," george said, predictably on lap 43. "im sliding around already"

-this was great information for all the other teams to Not put their drivers on hards, including sir lewis hamilton, who went onto softs at his pit stop on lap 44. it was at this moment that everyone realized that the mercedes strategy was probably going to favor lewis

-checo, meanwhile, continued to baffle everyone with what was aparently a 3 stop, very far down the order and definitely not helping max at all

-the second round of pit stops had thus begun. max was called in on lap 43 for a set of softs, and was in the pit box for 2.8seconds. he came out third

-lando was 11.7 seconds ahead on the track and said that he was faster than lewis behind him. the team asked him if he wanted to pit. he said "im unsure, are we here to finish first or third?"

-still, they pitted him on lap 48 and it was a slow 3.6 second stop. he needed to come out ahead of lewis in 5th and george in 4th to have any shot at victory. he came out ahead of george just barely. he had 8 seconds to max

-so it was lap 49. max was in the lead, 7.7 seconds ahead of lando who was 1.7 ahead of george who was 0.691 ahead of lewis who was 3.4 seconds ahead of carlos who was 7.4 seconds ahead of charles who was 7.61 seconds ahead of checo who was 4.991 seconds ahead of oscar who was 5.980 seconds ahead of pierre

-meanwhile, nico hulkenberg got a penalty for speeding in the pit lane, lando was pushing hard and not saving his tires, lewis hamilton had DRS on george with no team orders to stay behind him, and yuki also got a 5 second penalty for speeding in the pit lane

-charles also decided to pass carlos for fifth on lap 55.

-lap 58 and lando was now 5 seconds behind max. but he was running out of tires.

-the announcers decided that this would be a good time to talk about driver of the day, who was shaping up to be lando. "what do they get for driver of the day? a hat or something?" crofty asked "love and adoration" karun said. unless of course you are lando norris, he got a trophy made for him by oscar, and he promptly broke it

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-alex albon, who i definitely didnt forget about, he just wasnt doing anything interesting, ran off the track and into the gravel on lap 61. he was displeased

-"what the hell was that?" he asked. "all ok from our side" his engineer said. "no," alex said. "dont say that." cars should not just randomly drive off the track

-up way back at the front, lando had indeed run out of tires and did not have enough to pass max on the last lap. there would be no last lap lando. had he had a better start though, he would have absolutely gotten max

-so they crossed the line: max, lando, lewis, george, charles, carlos, oscar, checo, pierre, esteban, nico, fernando, zhou, lance, danny rics, valtteri, kevin, alex, yuki and logan

-lando was understandably upset. he knew that he had bongled the start and had he not bongled the start he would have won. he was so upset in fact that he did not do his signature champagne pop on the podium.

-max though was pleased with his win because he had to fight for it.

-"what's two seconds between friends?" david coulthard asked him "well its the difference between first and second"

-but the man that we were all here for, was sir lewis hamilton

-"and finally, ladies and gnetlemen welcome back to the podium lewis hamilton!" david said

-lewis was beyond pleased

-george even came over and congratulated him

-are merc really sabotaging lewis's car? idk you tell me!

-they tried to give lewis the wrong trophy on the podium

-and then he got absolutely soaked with champage by max and lando

-while all of that was happening, bottas had a front row seat to whatever absolute ferrari drama was happening in the pit lane

-it was not unlike the time in 2018 (??) when max nearly punched ocon in the garage after he fucked up his race

-in the post race show will and jack doohan talked about a lot of things, but mostly alpine because alpine scored double points this weekend, insanely. and also managed to pull ahead of haas in the champion standings

-will buxton told jack, the alpine reserve driver "im not being rude, but you were nowhere" at the beginning of the year and highlighted jack's work on the sim, and even hinted about him getting a seat for 2025

-he also posted this on his instagram story after the race

-both esteban and pierre were teased with the results, especially because alpine was aparently the fourth fastest car

-fernando alonso was totally and wholly unbothered. he was wearing sunglasses and scootering around, not a single flying fuck to be given to anyone anywhere

-also notably, two weekends in a row, mclaren has had the fastest car and two weekends in a row, max has won. will and others attributed this to the fact that the mclaren team often ask lando his opinion in the car and maybe they shouldn't ask the driver and just go abut their strategy. hm. interesting.

-then we had a smash cut to the press conference. which was essentially "lewis hamilton living his best life at the moment"

-the silliest part of this whole thing though was that lewis managed to get to the cooldown room about five minutes before everyone else, had clearly showered, changed, put on platform loafers, probably done his skincare routine and had time to make tea. "i am going to take a nap" he announced loudly to everyone. and then laid down, put his sunglasses on and blased some bob marley. this was the state that max found him in

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-an absolutely unbothered king. a legend.

-and where, pray tell, was nico rosberg during all of this? cause he was not in spain and he was definitely not commenting on lewis's first podium of the season or his continued record breaking streak of being on the podium in every season he has raced in, which is 18 years

-he was at the eras tour in london with his wife and kids, doing his god given girl dad duties

-idk why he wore a button down shirt, but he did. he also said that:

and

-britney lives on

-oh how the times have changed since spain 2016.

-see you all in austria!

Sorry i tried to scroll past but, i know nothing about f1 other than max verstappen is fast, my dad doesnt like lewis hamilton, fast car goes in a loop and sometimes expodes. Could you give me a crash course in f1 drama? Im very intrigued. Whats the tea as it were?

a terribly loaded question, but i will do my best. i’ve talked about some of the drama before like the red bull second seat and the chronicles of haas but allow me to briefly try my hand at explaining the nightmare that is the upcoming silly season

under the cut we go

silly season is when the drivers go through contract renewals, extensions and switches. usually it’s confined to the first half of the season (march-july) but it has been known to extend all the way to the last race of the season and they like to switch people around at random sometimes. driver contracts are complex, there’s a lot of money involved and basically You Are The Face Of The Team so if you have a shit season then you make the team look bad. but at the same time you could have a shit season because you have a shit car. it’s sticky stuff.

so. there are only twenty seats in formula 1. 10 teams. each team gets two drivers. (there’s also reserve drivers but we’re not going to get into that). who ends up with a contract is largely up to the teams, they can pull the contract out from under people they can also cut you mid season. they’ve done it before.

of the 20 drivers on the grid, 14 of them have contracts expiring at the end of the year. yes. 14. you see how this could get complicated.

so let’s meet the teams.

red bull racing. they came first this year (and last year) in the championship. like aggressively first. like they won the championship by over 350 points. they are definitely the team to beat. but if you end up with a seat at red bull, you do have to deal with max verstappen being your teammate and he won all but three of the races last year. he’s the golden boy. red bull are also notoriously silly when it comes to contracts and famously swap people mid season who aren’t performing.

mercedes. merc is home to 7 time world champion lewis hamilton and they have won the championship a great many times, though not since 2021. they are kind of in their flop arc and their car the last 2 years has been pretty garbage, but they have still made it work because they were able to come in second last year.

ferrari. god help the poor little meow meows with a ferrari contract. ferrari is a notoriously great team and they’re trying to get back to the top again but their strategy every single time has fallen short. to the point where their drivers are the ones doing the strategy in their cars while driving. they came in third last year and have been decently consistent at getting first in qualifying and then getting beat by max verstappen on race day.

mclaren. they’ve definitely worked their way up over recent years. they ended fourth last year and have had some championship wins before but not nearly as many as say merc and ferrari. their team ceo (owner? director?) is a little interesting and their car started out a pile of flaming hot garbage at the beginning of the year but they did manage to get their shit together.

aston martin. they are owned by canadian billionaire lawrence stroll, father of lance stroll (one of the drivers for the team). they’ve undergone several name changes over the recent years (force india, racing point, etc). they positively slayed at the start of the season and then one day they sucked. they finished fifth in the championship.

alpine. the frenchest french team. they’re (i think?) still partially owned by the french government. both of their drivers are french. (their drivers also hate eachother but we’ll get to that. just know they’re in the middle of a modern french civil war). they had the opportunity to have a good rookie driver (oscar piastri) this past year but in a thrilling twitter battle, he publically flamed the shit out of them and went to mclaren instead (and slayed). they're usually solidly middle of the pack. they ended sixth in the championship.

williams. williams has been one of the back of the grid teams for the last many years but they have finally started to get their shit together and don’t quite suck as much as they used to. all of the points this year were scored by only one driver though (except one but we’ll get there). they came in seventh.

alpha tauri. they are the sister team of red bull. so technically redbull owns both teams (meaning they can swap drivers between teams. they like doing this.) they’ve just kind of been There for awhile but they did slay towards the end of the season when one of their drivers led the race for several laps. basically tho, this team is the gateway to redbull. they came in eighth.

alpha romeo. recently renamed to stake f1 team (but sometimes they are going to be called kick sauber. this is a whole other drama post and i’m not getting into it). they’re also just kind of there. generally unproblematic. seems that really great drivers who get ixed out of a contract for a younger driver end up here or young drivers who are in their early years are here before they go to a better team. they ended ninth this year.

haas. oh haas. goofy team. they suck. point blank they suck. they keep loosing sponsors because they suck, they don’t win ever (one time they came first in qualifying last year). they cursed themselves in australia in 2018 by not tightening their tires and its been downhill ever since. they came 10th. their team principle got let go (fired?) who’s to say today.

so those are the teams. it is important to note that:

-there is a cost cap. each team is allowed to spend no more than 135m per year.

-not all cars are equal. some things are standard. they all undergo the same testing. but the cars are all very different. so you can be a good driver but stuck in a shitty car. which makes it impressive if you are doing well in a shitty car.

let’s meet our drivers!!!

starting with the guys who’s contract is not ending in 2024:

max verstappen. 3 time world champion. 26 years old. general beast on the track. he dominated the whole season. he’s currently racing for red bull and has a contract with them through 2028.

lewis hamilton. 7 time world champion. 39 years old. he drives for mercedes. he will not leave mercedes until he retires. he really really wants to win an 8th world championship and is willing to stick it out a few more years as long as merc still believes in him. his contract expires in 2025.

george russell. the other merc driver. 26 years old. hes aggressively british and says thinks like blimey unironically. walking meme. got his merc seat in 2022 right when they entered their flop arc by getting his tractor of a williams to finish second in qualifying in the middle of a rainstorm. his contract expires in 2025.

lando norris. mclaren driver. 24 years old. he has notably never won a race in his five years of formula one (mostly because right when his car finally was good enough max verstappen was 20 seconds ahead of anyone) but he is regarded as Very Good. he has only ever driven for mclaren. and even though there is another year left on his contract there is mass speculation that he will not renew his contract with mclaren after it expires and he may move up to one of the top teams (red bull, merc, ferrari) (tho i think he doesnt hate himself quite enough to go to ferrari). his contract expires in 2025.

oscar piastri. the other mclaren driver. 22 years old. this was his rookie season and he positively slayed. like people compared his rookie season to lewis hamiltons rookie season. he also had the positively funniest start to his rookie year because alpine announced that he would be driving for them (he had been their reserve driver and in the alpine academy) and he posted a tweet that basically said yeah thats false i never singed anything with you and im going to race with mclaren instead (he dodged a bullet) and then alpine tried and failed to sue him for $4m USD. he signed a contract extension with mclaren this year and his contract expires in 2026.

lance stroll. aston martin driver and son of the aston martin owner. hes doing ok, tho there was conspiracy that he wanted to quit and have a tennis career awhile ago. but basically since his dad owns the team it seems that hes guaranteed a seat for as long as he wants one.

so now. moving onto the good shit. the people who have contracts expiring in 2024. hold onto your hats people.

charles leclerc. (everyones favorite slutty little soup can). 26 years old. he is currently at ferrari and he has been since 2019. notably, he was given the longest contract in the history of ferrari after a stellar rookie season at sauber (renamed to alpha romeo, renamed to stake f1) where he got the tractor of a car consistently into the points. having the longest contract in the history of ferrari was a flex at the time, but now its likely how he will introduce himself at therapy sessions. ferrari have fucked this man left right and center up the ass with a plastic lunchroom spork. hes talented, he can drive, and he can drive well. but the strategy that ferrari has absolutely sucks. either something is wrong with the car (see him blowing out his gear box on the formation lap in monaco, his car completely crapping out and spinning into the barrier in brazil before the race even started) or they fuck up his pit stops or put him on the wrong tires and honestly its just frustrating. but will he leave??? likely not. you'd have to pry ferrari out of his cold dead hands and at this rate that might be where this is headed though there has been some minor speculation of him going to another team like merc or red bull, but merc doesnt have any open seats and red bull is a whole other dumpster fire of drama. ferrari are going to have to pay him a boatload of money to make him stay.

carlos sainz. the smooth operator. 29 years old. ferrari driver. previously carlos was at toro rosso (renamed to alpha tauri), renault (renamed to alpine), and mclaren before signing with ferrari. he has been at ferrari since 2021 and has voiced that he would like to stay with them for however long he can. there is speculation that lando might replace him at ferrari (but landos contract is not up until 2025) and there is also some speculation that alex albon might replace him. while charles is clearly the golden boy at ferrari, carlos is slightly slower but also definitely consistent. he was THE ONLY non red bull driver to win a race this past year, in Singapore after max verstappedn was knocked out of qualifying by alpha tauri reserve driver liam lawson (more on him later) and because he basically came up with his own strategy in the car while he was driving.

sergio perez. aka checo. red bull driver. 33 years old. and oh boy here's where we open the can of worms. checo was previously at racing point (renamed aston martin) and it was very near the end of the 2020 (?) season and he was out of a contract. he had a bonkers race where he was knocked to the back of the grid and then overtook everyone and somehow ended up winning (there is more to that story but just trust me) and christian horner, red bull team principle, mr ginger spice and definite disney villain called him and said congrats sir you have a seat at red bull! well. fast forward. hes been causing problems. problems as in crashing a lot, generally not doing great and pissing the crap out of red bull. it is basically guaranteed at this point that he will not be getting a contract extension. there was actually talk this year of him losing his seat mid season to one of the alpha tauri drivers, because remember, red bull owns both teams and they can switch them whenever they want to (and they have!) but ultimately this did not happen. even though checo has a seat at red bull until the end of 2024, its mass speculated that he is going to get switched with an alpha tauri driver, probably daniel ricciardo (more on him shortly) mid season because there is a speculated clause in daniels contract that says that if checo isn't performing well in the first few races daniel is getting his seat.

daniel ricciardo. 34 years old. alpha tauri driver. man oh man what a guy. outside of being the prankster of the paddock, he has one of the most batshit careers of anyone currently on the grid. he started out at red bull and was showing real talent and skill and was on track to win things (and was!) and was there until the end of 2018 when max verstappen (his teammate) started getting preferential treatment and also red bull started having a lot of problems with their engines (which were being outsourced from Renault (now alpine) and another team on the grid) and well very very long story short he made the surprise move of the century and decided to sign with Renault (which makes no sense they're the one with the engine problems) and was there for 2 years before moving again to mclaren where he was reportedly not treated very well and had a hard time driving the car so they mutually ended his contract with them early and he basically retired at the end of the 2022 season and became a red bull reserve driver. then halfway through the 2023 season alpha tauri ixed one of their drivers, nyck de vries, because he wasnt doing well and promoted daniel back up to a full time driver at alpha tauri (which we know is only a step down from red bull) but then he broke his hand in a crash in zanvort (?) and then he was replaced for a few races by formula 2 driver liam lawson (who we will also talk about) and then he came back to finish out the season in alpha tauri after he was cleared. daniel has admitted openly that he never should have left red bull and he was given bad advice to do so. hes towards the end of his career at this point and its well known that he Really Really wants to finish out his career at red bull again. he and max have already been teammates before and they do work well together and daniel is great driver (see his comeback in texas (or maybe it was brazil?) this year). so. Pretty Sure that daniels going to get either an extension at alpha tauri or go up to red bull. thats what we all want. get this man in a red bull we need him there biblically.

liam lawson. now technically liam is not actually a formula 1 driver. hes a formula 2 driver, but he was daniels replacement for five races and there has been some speculation and some confirmed news about him so hes getting included. when he was racing for f1 he was at alpha tauri. hes 21 and looks like he belongs in the movie grease. no one was expecting him to slay in formula 1 and he positively knocked everyones socks off. the scene: Singapore. which, if you'll recall, is the one race that a not red bull driver won. this was largely because liam lawson slayed the absolute game in qualifying. the qualifying part of racing determines what order the cars start in on the grid for the race and theres three parts, the first two parts the bottom 5 drivers each time get knocked out and then the top 10 complete for the last 10 spots. liam lawson knocked BOTH max verstappen and checo perez out of qualifying in the second round by going very slightly faster than them, effectively fucking up red bulls race and allowing carlos to win. and he also scored points in that race, which no one was expecting. now thats all fine and dandy, but here's the speculation: hemlut marko (im pretty sure) (who is somehow decently involved in the decision making at red bull though i couldn't tell you how) said that he thinks that liam lawson will be in an f1 seat no later than 2025. meaning that he will probably get offered a contract this year. and hes already raced for alpha tauri. red bull have sunk a good amount of money into him. they clearly want him. so if he gets offered an alpha tauri seat in 2025, that means theres a good chance danny rics is going to red bull. do you SEE how the plot here is THICKENED

yuki tsunoda. age 23. currently at alpha tauri. and fun fact, the only alpha tauri driver to race there the whole year. he had three separate team mates. he is slaying and hes often slept on. he has a bit of a temper and likes to shout on the radio and also hates working out (they had to force him to move to italy or something to work out, long story) but hes been kinda killing it. he led several laps in the abu dhabi race this year and hes decently consistent. people think theres possibility that he could get moved up to red bull on account of the fact that he is younger than daniel and clearly has more years in him,, but there is also possibility that he might not because red bull like to make stupid decisions. and if he doesnt get moved up to rebel, will he stay with alpha tauri? we don't know.

alex albon. age 27. currently a williams driver. alex albon is another one with a batshit career. he started out his rookie year in 2019 at alpha tauri then got moved up to red bull halfway through the year when red bull decided that pierre gasley wasnt doing a good enough job (more on him later) and stayed with red bull for a solid year and a half until he lost his seat in 2021 to checo. he has been with williams for the last two years and is basically carrying the team. like. williams as a team scored 28 points this year. and alex albon scored 27 of those 28 points. and as we know, williams is still kind of in their shit arc (though they are doing much better. they didnt score any points for a solid 2 (?) years. so this is an improvement.) and if you can get a shit car to perform you catch the eye of bigger teams. now, alex has already been a red bull driver. and he was on the cusp of podiuming two separate times when lewis hamilton ran into him. this (among a few other things) basically killed his chances at getting resigned at red bull because he wasnt ""performing"" and red bull are bitches who love to win. but some people think that red bull should give him another shot. like daniel, hes already been max's teammate and he can definitely drive. but theres also talk he might go to ferrari because ferrari think that he might compliment charles's driving style (or something). but going to ferrari at this point is kind of suicide. so.

logan sergeant. age 23. the only american on the grid. the other williams driver. he just finished his rookie year. he scored a grand total of one single point this season, in texas, and it was because charles leclerc and lewis hamilton both got disqualified because the floor of their car had more wear (by literally less than millimeters) than it was allowed to, bumping him up from 12th to 10th. he has never done better than alex albon. he was also the very last driver to get a contract for 2024, with williams waiting until i think december of 2023 to announce his contract extension. clearly, hes on thin ice. but people have also said that he needs time to get used to formula 1 (other people have pointed out that oscar piastri slayed his rookie season this year and this statement about needing time is largely false). where logan ends up next year though will largely depend on how well the 2024 season goes for him.

fernando alonso. 42 years old. many people like to point out that oscar piastri is actually younger than fernando's racing career. he won tiktok creator of the year (somehow) and is also a 2 time world champion. he retired a few years ago, just to show back up again and slay. during the first half of the season when aston martin had a zoom zoom car he killed it, and then they had problems on top of problems and he didnt do well. except for that one race in brazil where he came in third, beating checo by literally .05 seconds. he hasn't really made any hints about retiring a second time and he is kind of carrying aston Martin right now (he scored 205 points this season, coming in 4th and tying in points with charles leclerc, lance stroll only scored 74 points this year.) and they did have their best year yet this year. (though they are relatively new).

pierre gasley. 27 years old. french. drives for alpine. the french team. previously he raced with toro rosso (now alpha tauri), then got promoted to a red bull driver in 2019, then halfway through the season they decided he wasnt doing a good enough job and he got demoted back down to alpha tauri. then he won a race with alpha tauri just to stick it to red bull. after the great oscar piastri contract twitter war, he was signed as alpines second driver, with Esteban ocon being the other driver (more on him soon). estie bestie and pierre (both french) were childhood friends and now hate each other for unknown reasons and basically feuded on the track for most of the season. french civil war at alpine. he scored 62 points in 2023 and came in 11th. not really sure where he will end up, it is possible that he will stick it out at alpine.

esteban ocon. 27 years old. also french. currently driving for alpine. another one with a silly bonkers career. he started out at force india and had a baller few seasons there but his teammate at the time was checo, and checo didnt really cooperate with him too much and caused some drama that cost estie bestie some places and some points. max verstappen also beat him up in the garage once. thats not really relevant but it did happen. anyway, after the owner of force india was arrested for .... i don't remember what maybe it was embezzlement or bankruptcy or something money related, the team was backed by lawrence stroll and became racing point. but all of that happened mid season and lawrence was basically like look ill back you guys for now but next year my son gets a seat (lance) so one of you two (checo and estie bestie) have to go. and ultimately they let estie bestie go even though he was more consistent because checo had more sponsors and they needed money. so he was out of formula 1 for a few years (but was a merc reserve driver) and then went to Renault, which then became alpine. he did come in 12th though overall this season, just behind pierre. so. will alpine keep both him and pierre and keep the civil war going? whos to say.

nico hulkenberg. 36 years old. haas driver. in his 200+ f1 races he has never been on the podium and he really really wants to be on the podium. unfortunately this will never happen in a haas because haas fucking sucks. and everyone knows it. he is getting towards the end of his career though. though! stake f1 will become the mario Andretti and audi team in 2026 (don't question it) and they have supposedly voiced interest in nico. so we will see if he hangs on that long to end up at audi. for now tough, hes definitely hating it at haas. though, haas are going to have a different team principle next year so maybe that will change things. i have a sneaky feeling through that haas will probably end up with another 2 rookie drivers because everyone else is smart enough to not race for them.

kevin magnussen. 31 years old. haas driver. hes another deeply interesting character. he has had one podium. in his rookie season. in his first race. and none since. kevin started at haas in 2017 and then left at then end of 2020 when he basically got kicked off because the team needed money and they wanted to bring in drivers with more sponsorships. these drivers were mick schumacher and nikita mazepin. so kevin basically was forced to retire after the 2020 season. this went decently well for haas. until russia invaded ukraine right before the start of the 2022 season and, well, nikita was Russian and it was never distinctly proven that his dads company (who was sponsoring the team) wasnt also funding the invasion. so nikita got fired and they were literally like 2 weeks out from the start of the season, down a driver. who are you gonna call? kevin magnussen! and hes been back ever since. but hes clearly getting annoyed with haas. there was one great clip from this year where his car caught on fire and he kind of just stared into to, clearly hoping it would burn for a long time. so the likelihood of him extending his contract is looking slim.

valtteri bottas. 34 years old. currently a driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo, kick sauber, whatever you wanna call it). previously, he was a mercedes driver and notoriously helped lewis hamilton win a great many championships, until he lost his seat to george russell in 2022. there was a rather awkward part of the 2021 season where valtteri knew that he was out of a merc seat the following year and kind of just chose violence. he slayed. then he went to alpha romeo, grew a mullet and made a calendar of his ass. quite the glow up if you ask me. hes also very interested in cycling. honestly though, i have my own personal speculation that hes going to retire at the end of this year.

zhou guanyu. 24 years old. driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo/kick sauber, etc etc). hes doing alright. he just finished his second season, in his first season he was majorly out qualified by valtteri but this past season he managed to out qualify him a good 6 times. which is decently good for the tractor of a car hes driving. its possible that he could get a contract extension, but like logan, its probably going to depend on how the 2024 season goes for him.

and thats all the drivers. theres also a few others i didnt talk about, like some other f2 drivers who want seats and mick schumacher, who is currently a merc reserve driver, all of which could be contenders for f1 seats. but one things for sure. this is going to be the silliest fucking silly season.

feel free to add on and peer review me

[myimaginarywonderland]

Unpopular opinions (maybe):

RedBull is in one of the worst situations with their current line up because Perez is not performing well enough and they have discredit Yuki so much that putting him alongside Max would seem like hypocrisy yet there's no one else besides an outsider that could step up since their juniors simply aren't good enough yet. Also, none of their juniors truly show the promises in my mind (I don't care about Lawson and after everything that happened will not) that people like Pierre or Alex did.

Alpine should 100% take Mick over Pierre.

Haas would be a fool if they replaced Mick willingly (meaning they kick him.) Add to that the silly rumours of Giovinazzi replacing him (I don't dislike Gio but absolutely not.)

To be honest I think as bad as Nicky might be to some that Seargant isn't ready yet for F1. I also do not want to see DeVries in F1, I think it's just simply to late for that and would be one of the worst moves (from a competitive championship where he had a car to win it to the backmarker in F1.)

McLaren is going to clash and burn next year. However signing Piastri at least performance wise was a good decisions (one that Alpine should have made from the get go but alas.) They simply can not have Norris and Piastri because of their potential to both be the Nr. 1 and team leader.

Aston Martin actually has a driver line up that overs the most potential for the next season (any confirmed one that is different to the one the year prior.)

Drugovich should get a seat above everyone else just from talent alone but he probably will never make the F1 cut since he isn't in any junior team to my knowledge.

Ricciardo time to leave might have been to soon but ignoring how the decision was made, you can't argue against the fact that it was the right decision. He has had the worst season by far compared to his teammate and no one can argue that. Does that mean he isn't talented? No. Is it arguable that of all the drivers he has had the most inconsistent career on the current grid? Yes. Do I think he will return? Possible. Do I think he should? No, not really to be honest. Even if he still has potential in him, it will never truly show because he will never again get into a top team where he has the right machinery and there are in my opinion also more deserving drivers for a mid field car. Besides, with all the young drivers in the junior categories and the current grid, would you really choose him after the dreadful season?

I think both Perez and Ricciardo are in a position where they can just lose. Neither will ever be a top driver in a top team and neither is really getting a seat anywhere once they leave. They both will never win a championship and in Ricciardo's place there now also is a reputation tied to him. Perez still has last season but if this season continues to go worse where he clearly lacks the pace (second drivers curse someone is not at all talked about with him eventhough arguably out of everyone he is the most shocking being so of pace) that will quickly be forgotten and not used to defend him. Unlike Bottas who had an awful last year at Mercedes but flourished at Alfa Romeo because (in my opinion) he found his love and joy in racing again regardless of the results neither of the drivers mentioned above will be satisfied with such a move. There aren't any top team options so there's really just leaving since I don't see any way they come back a year later unless some team needs a more experienced driver and they desperately want a seat. Their time in comparison to someone like Alonso and Lewis is running out. I use Lewis and Alonso because they are the oldest but they both have so much to give (whether I like Alonso or not he clearly still delivers great results and Lewis I would even argue is more determined then ever.) However they also have nothing to prove in comparison to Daniel or Perez. They have won their WDCs and they have shown their talent/brilliance again and again. If they left tomorrow nothing would change those facts.

[natromanxoff]

22 - Cars & Queenie Days

Hi there Queenie people.

What a strange little weekend this one turned out to be. Let me start by saying that most of my stories seem to have something to do with alcohol, but we were all a hell of a lot younger then, and I for one cannot do that anymore, well not all the time. Although a few days ago an old friend made a guest appearance, the Kurgen was let loose on the streets of Bondi which seemed to start a string of Queen type events. It all started about midday on Saturday when a friend of mine phoned and suggested lunch, what a fantastic idea as it was a lovely hot sunny day, so we met in a nice place with a garden and ordered the first bottle of wine, and it was the Linda Lovelace of vino, it went down very quickly and easily. During the course of the afternoon I phoned my mate Steve and said he should join us, which he did at about 8pm, and we finally moved indoors to have dinner, after sitting in the sun and guzzling wine for the last six hours, and needless to say I'm pissed so we ordered some more food and what turned out to be the last bottle of plonk for the evening.

Half way through dinner Rebecca decided she was to out of it to continue, and wisely went home, leaving the Kurgen and his mate, who has decided he's gonna catch up with me, what a good friend eh, but him getting drunk means me becoming a complete gibbering idiot. After dining we moved next door to the bar where the whisky was flowing very rapidly and the idiot telling one barmaid she looked like a cheap hooker, while swearing his undying love to another. Oh, get me another drink Steve, I think I need one. It finally gets to 1am and time to head home, it's been a long day, and while trying to negotiate the 10min walk I was complaining that my right leg wouldn't work, usual drunken crap.

What has this got to do with Queen I hear you ask, well, apart from the fact that a million years ago I worked for them for a while, not very much. Steve and myself eventually got back to my place and I got phoneitis and I had the need to speak with everyone from my dodgey past, so, phone book out and lets go. Pride of place went to Mr Deacon who was lucky to be speaking on the phone so the Kurgen, after two tries, couldn't get through. Time up for you pal, next. Broughie. He always calls me when he's legless, now it's his turn to try and decipher what I'm on about. When I got through to Trip I can remember saying, "Where the f*** are you?" And do you know what, I have no idea what the answer was, though he did say they cancelled a couple of shows, and everyone was having a great time. This is fun, lets spend some more money. The next call started with, "Mr Taylor, it's Mr Taylor here." Sorry Rog, but you did pick up the phone. I did tell him I'd listened to his new stuff on his website and it's the best stuff he'd done in years, and I have an awful feeling I said that I didn't like 'Happiness,' but he did say that he reads my memoirs, so if you get to see this Mr T. I'll try and be a bit more sober next time I call.

Jacky followed, phone was busy (No it wasn't, we were out, you left a message!!) , gotta move on, I'm on a roll now. A new game, lets try and track down my ex in LA, no luck, thank god, and with that my new accountant Steve took the phone away from me, thanks dear boy. He clears off around 3 and I hit the sack and descend into a coma. Ring ring.....ring ring. Its 9am, who the f*** is phoning in the middle of the night, so, with head pounding I track the phone down and had to raise a bit of a giggle, it's Broughie and now he's pissed and he told me that in nearly twenty years of knowing me, that is the worst he's ever heard me try and talk, to which I reply that this is the worst I've ever felt.

Spandau's Tony Hadley was the next person I speak to, what a diamond geezer, always nice to chat with him. Sunday was a non-existent day with a phone that had no sympathy for me and kept ringing, amazingly it's still in one piece. A wet Monday and I'm still feeling a bit iffy, but come afternoon I receive a package in the post, I like little surprises, so when I walk in and turn the radio on Bo Rap is playing, and when I open my pressie it's from the ever gorgeous Jacky who has very kindly sent me RT's Electric Fire. You know what I mean, his new CD not the electric fire out of his bedroom. I'm glad I told him it was great, cause it is, in my humble opinion, possibly the best thing he's done. That was a hell of a lot of words just to say " go and buy Electric fire and put it in the charts, you won't be disappointed".

I was chatting with Greg Fryer, the fireplace restorer, and we're both looking forward to the Australian convention in a few weeks, although I might be drinking lemonade as I made the idiot promise that "I'm never drinking again". Some time ago somebody asked me a question which went something like, "When you were in the studio with just Roger or the Cross, was it a bit of an anti climax after working with Queen as they were such brilliant musicians." I don't know if I'm missing something here, but as Roger was a solo artist, a member of the Cross and also in Queen, surely that must make him brilliant. Well, whatever your name was, no it wasn't boring it was mostly fun. When he was producing other acts I must admit that I did a lot of sitting around doing bugger all, and I every act were ok as people, though once Jimmy Nail had a hit he did get a rather large ego and changed into a real prat.

Virginia Wolf had two old buddies of mine in the band, Joe Burt and Jason Bonham, so when we went to Ibiza to record it was party time from start to finish, though Jason did go overboard a bit, so to protect us more than him we sent him back to England. I was only involved in one Cross album, Shove It, and that was just going to be another RT solo album so he played all the instruments himself.

I think I've mentioned before that we drove the Bentley to Montreux, well this was the time. The plan was to spend three or four days in Montreux recording then go to Gstaad to write some more songs. That was the excuse because we had a huge chalet there and the idea was to do a lot of skiing and a bit of writing, which is exactly what we did. It was in Gstaad that Roger came up with the idea of forming a band, and after a hard day on the slopes we would sit around at night working out a plan on putting a band together. On the subject of Bentleys and Gstaad I feel obliged to tell you just how much bad luck RT has with his cars.

When he bought his first Range Rover he claimed "You can park them on a sixpence." We had to tow him out of a ditch. His Ferrari burst into flames on his way to the south of France, and his Aston Martin also burst into flames. He hardly ever drove the Bentley, it was my baby and I loved it and never had any problems. Dominique decided she was going to join our little ski trip and was coming to Gstaad, now don't get me wrong, I love Dom, a fine lady, still is, it's just that I didn't fancy the hour drive down the mountain and then the hour along the motorway to the airport. On the day of her arrival RT surprised me by saying he was going to pick her up, that'll do me, drop me off at the chair lift and have a nice drive. A very pleasant afternoon was spent on the piste so when I get back to the house I'm ready for some mindless computer games, and while in the middle of shooting some aliens the phone rings and it's Dominique asking where Roger was as he's not at the airport to pick her up.

The only thing I can say is for her to hang on because he left in plenty of time so he should be there, and I'm back to saving the world. Hours later the door flies open with Roger ranting and raving and saying something about F-in-cars. What's his problem? I look out the window and in the driveway is a VW Golf, so the obvious question is, "Where's the Bentley?" When his lordship finally calmed down he explained that when he got to the motorway there was a blizzard, so he had to have the windscreen wipers on full, but the one on the drivers side came off, so he stopped the car and was groping around in the snow looking for it, and he found it and put it back on. So far so good, except a couple of miles further on it came off again, and this time it was nowhere to be seen. Now try and picture the situation. Swiss motorway, lots of snow falling, very expensive black Bentley and a very famous pop star hanging out the window while driving so he can wipe the snow off the screen so he can see. Not a very good look at all.

On arrival at Geneva he took the car to the Rolls Royce dealer to get fixed, and it wasn't long after this that I said my final goodbye to a trusty friend. Roger on the other hand said Good F***ing Riddance. I have an equally pathetic driving story when we were in Rio, this time it was the two of us, a convertible and one hell of a lot of rain. Next time might be right to tell you how we put the Cross together from the first ad. onwards. Before I go I have a question for Jacky. Do you remember all those bacon sandwiches we had at the auditions? That's it for now Bye

Crystal

[harryandmolly]

Complicit // 11

summary: Shawn is under more pressure than he’s ever known. He craves release and comfort, the simplicity of sex. He gets more than he bargained for.

warnings: language, NSFW, a bulldozer

WC: 6.1k

-----------

Penny stops outside the spotless glass doors of Silver’s home and uses the reflection to primp one last time. 

She’s in fine form today, at least on the outside. In a sleek peach-toned Cushnie pencil dress and the first pair of Louboutins she ever purchased (the nude ones with the pointed toes), she means business. She’s the kind of put together that puts the fear of god into the hearts of every man she walks past. She craves that kind of control right now.

She can’t control her feelings, she can’t control his. But she can control her wardrobe and her hair and the reports she runs for the monthly La Splendeur financials. She fights to focus on what she can control.

Silver’s housekeeper walks her back to the library. Silver in a pantsuit black as night sits in sharp relief against her walls stacked high with colorful books. The first time Penny ever made Silver laugh was the first time Silver invited her here and Penny immediately commented on its resemblance to the Beast’s library in Beauty and the Beast.

Silver looks pleased to see her. Any residual weirdness from their last meeting is gone, at least visibly. She’s serving lapsang oolong from her English garden tea set today.

“Good morning, love. I do like your dress. And your necklace sits above it nicely.”

Penny lifts a hand like she wants to check it’s still there. She’s wearing Shawn’s necklace. It seems a waste to leave it in a box in a safe, where it’s been since Ava died. Silver herself said that. And it does go so well with the dress.

Penny smiles placidly. “Thank you. How was Monaco?”

Silver looks mischievous for a moment. Penny finds herself grinning back, enjoying the spark she sees.

“Hot. A little muggy. Terribly crowded.”

Silver’s expression doesn’t match her words.

“Who is she?” Penny laughs.

Silver lifts her chin in defiance. “Tell me I’m not that transparent.”

Penny snorts indelicately and sips her tea. “Silver, you’re as transparent as a cinderblock. But you forget how well I know you.”

The women exchange a meaningful look. Silver glances down at her perfect manicure.

“Her name is Sylvie. She owns a cafe on the Boulevard de Suisse. She makes the best mille feuille I’ve ever had.”

Penny’s eyebrows lift slightly. There’s something in Silver’s voice now that replaces the familiar mischief with which she talks about her romantic dalliances. It’s a little trembling, a little soft, a little warm. Penny attempts to remain stoic. Spooking her is the worst possible thing Penny could do.

“Wow. Sounds like a nice trip.”

Silver meets her eyes. “It was. I’ll be going back next week.”

Penny only barely manages to school her face out of a delighted grin. Silver shakes her head softly and opens her portfolio.

Numbers are up this summer from last. All the girls have been doing very well. Silver has interest in bringing on a few more, has gotten recommendations from girls on the roster, which is where the best talent comes from. Penny assures her that financially, they’re in an excellent position to expand.

“Speaking of expanding, how are things looking on the non-profit end?” Penny murmurs without looking up from her laptop. She can feel Silver’s curious gaze.

“Still tying up some legal loose ends in the back before we really move ahead,” Silver answers carefully.

Penny looks up now with her game face on. “Anything I can do to help us along? I’d like to get moving on it.”

Silver’s expression goes a little sour. She puts her teacup down more forcefully than necessary. Penny flinches.

“You were singing a different tune during our last meeting, love.”

The corners of Penny’s lips pull in slightly. “I don’t believe that’s true, I checked on the progress and you gave me an update and said it was slow. I’m checking again now and you say it’s still slow. So perhaps I should step in.”

Silver’s eyes narrow. “Please don’t forget how well I know you.”

The words are simple and somehow both threatening and loving. Penny’s stable facade breaks. She looks down.

“I know very well how long you’ve wanted to do this kind of work. I know how important this is to you. That’s why I was surprised when you seemed flippant about it last week.”

“I wasn’t flippant, I--”

“Penny, please. Don’t suggest that I can’t read you. It’s insulting to me and to our friendship.”

Penny’s mouth shuts. She feels like a scolded child.

“And now you’re getting impatient to get started. I don’t understand, my darling. Please. Explain this to me.”

Penny’s lips part. She hesitates and reaches for her teacup instead.

Silver softens. “You’re allowed to be a little lost, you know.”

Penny’s eyes shut as she chews on her lower lip. “Don’t like getting lost,” she mutters.

“None of us do, babe. But you need to choose your path now. You owe it to your clients and to this foundation.”

Penny’s expression goes dark. “Don’t make this about him.”

Silver eschews her infuriating wise owl gaze and leans into sympathy instead. She shakes her head slowly.

“I didn’t. You seem to have gotten there on your own.”

Penny’s face goes hot. Her chin quivers slightly. Silver reaches across the table and takes her hand. The physical contact freezes Penny in her tracks.

“Listen to me, my love. I know this is scary. Everything is changing on you right now. But you always knew you couldn’t escort forever. You always knew you wanted to help in a larger, more lasting way. I know he isn’t the reason you want to move forward with the foundation. But… it’s ok if he’s the reason you want to do it now.”

Penny’s jaw locks up. Her hand slips cold from her friend’s grasp. She gathers her folders and laptop and stands.

“I have to go.”

Her voice is a croak. Silver winces in response, but leans back in her seat and watches her go.

+

Well this is…. Not what he pictured.

Shawn’s not exactly sure what he envisioned when he thought about where Penny lives. It shifted depending on her mood when she was with him. Sometimes he imagined her living in a big, scary haunted house-looking mansion deep in the Hills. Sometimes he pictured a bright, vibrant penthouse in Santa Monica.

Not this. It’s so… normal.

It’s lovely, obviously. It’s a little cottage almost all by itself in the Studio City hills. She parks the leased Passat in the driveway and keeps the Aston Martin in the garage. She has a welcome mat that asks visitors to wipe their paws. Pammy’s leash is hanging from a railing on the porch.

He stands in front of her door for almost five minutes trying to prepare himself to walk into her private space and not become a walking heart eye emoji. 

He’s in LA for 24 hours for meetings and a premiere with Bex. He has painters in his house, so they can’t go there. He doesn’t even have time for an overnight with her. So she takes him as an in call.

It’s standard procedure to have a driver meet the client at the courtesan’s house when she’s taking an in call, but Penny waved Gus off. Given that she’s a partner in the business, she has the power to do so. Gus sends her confirmation of Shawn’s wire transfer and tells her if she needs anything, anything at all, he’ll be close by at Jamie’s tennis tournament. He’s a little twitchy, she thinks, because actually, Penny’s never taken an in call before.

Pammy hears him walk up before she does, even over the soft crooning of “Songs for Young Lovers” on vinyl. With little sniffs and gruff grunts, Pammy jogs to the door to greet their guest.

The sun is behind him when she opens the door, casting him golden and glowing as he smiles at her. She smiles back.

“Hi.”

“Hey,” he greets, and she’s beset with butterflies walking him into her foyer to meet her dog and breathe her air.

His attention turns almost immediately to Pammy, who’s very eagerly and politely sitting, thumping her tail and waiting to be noticed. Shawn doesn’t disappoint.

He crouches low, holds out his hand and ducks his head a little, looking non-threatening. “Hi. Are you Pammy?”

Pammy walks up for his inspection without answering him. She thoroughly sniffs the hand he offers and when she decides he’s decent enough to let in, she snuggles up against his chest for pets. 

Shawn, having been recognized by Pammy for the puppy he is, lifts his head to look at Penny in triumph. “She likes me!”

“She does,” Penny agrees, flustered and glancing around her foyer like she’s looking for more personal items to clear out, though there wasn’t really anything there when she did a walk-through earlier, just the painting of the Las Vegas Strip in the 50s.

Shawn stands and pleasantly towers over her. His eyes flit to her lips as he smirks. He looks back up at her eyes for permission.

Penny tilts her head up and lets him kiss her, nice and soft and sweet. Probably too sweet. It reminds her of Silver’s words the day before. When he pulls away, she bites her lip.

“The premiere’s tonight?” Penny mutters weakly, walking him into the living room where the record player whirls and the blinds are open to the hills. Shawn gazes around, memorizing. He nods.

“I have to leave here at 4.”

Penny does some mental math. “Guess we better get started.”

She turns on her heel and plants her lips back on his. He catches her, a bit startled, whimpering into the firm set of her mouth. She backs him into the wall and slips her hands beneath his shirt, feeding on the perfect sizzle of his hot skin. He explores her mouth, keeping his hands on either side of her neck until she tells him otherwise. As he starts to run out of breath, he notices her hands are still and her lips aren’t moving against his with the same fervor. His brow puckers. He pulls away slightly.

“You ok?” he pants.

She nods and sucks him back in. Her thumbs work against the dips in his obliques and it makes him dizzy, but he still feels a disconnect. He settles further into the wall and tugs a little at her hair, feeling like a needy kid. She doesn’t react.

“Hey,” he tries again, pulling back more fully this time, “If you’re not into this, we really don’t have to do anything. Seriously.”

“What?” she asks dumbly.

Shawn goes pink. “I mean, we can just hang out. Or… I can go. It’s whatever.”

If she sent him away, he could totally pretend not to be devastated. No problem.

Penny chews the inside of her lip, then tilts her head forward to rest against his chest. “‘S not you.”

Shawn resists his desire to nuzzle his cheek against her hair. Instead, he cups his hands around her upper arms and rubs her softly.

“I’ve been having… a weird couple days.”

Shawn’s brows lift, but she doesn’t elaborate. He nods.

“Do you want to talk?”

She shakes her head.

“Do you… want me to go?”

Her pause before she shakes her head is the longest of his whole godforsaken life.

He feels a little desperate. “What can I do?”

She lifts her head from his chest. She looks worn and maybe a little panicked underneath. It rises in him in response.

“I don’t know,” she sighs.

Shawn absently combs his fingers through the ends of her hair. He looks around.

What helps him feel better when he’s distracted and wigging out a little? She does. Maybe he just has to be ok with the idea that he doesn’t have the same effect on her.

His heart thuds extra hard for a beat in his chest. Maybe he could.

Shawn sweeps his hands up to position his thumbs under her ears, tilting her face up.

“Do you want me to take care of you?” he breathes.

Her expression goes blank. She looks lost. He wets his lips and tries again, like he’s trying on a suit that he’s not sure fits.

He brushes his nose over her brow and hopes his voice is steady when he says, “You wanna be my good girl?”

Penny feels her hands, still resting on his sides, clench hard. The strangled gasp she releases sounds kind of like a moan. She’s suddenly very aware of him, of everything about him -- his light hint of cologne, the tenderness of his lips on her forehead as he smirks, the sheer size and broadness of him in her arms.

“That a yes?”

Words fail her. Her head is whistling like it’s ready to fly off her body. She’s glad he’s holding her up because otherwise her knees would’ve gone weak.

“I’ve… I mean, no one’s ever…”

“I know,” he soothes, surprised by his own confidence, but he supposes he learned it from her, “Don’t worry, baby. I’ll go easy on you.”

Penny recognizes the words. She’s probably said them before. Being on the receiving end is different. She thinks if anyone else tried them on for her, she’d laugh and pin them into a corner, reminding them who’s in charge.

But as he holds her, she can feel the way his desire to shoulder her burden is seeping off him. His gaze is steady. If he’s anxious at all about stepping into her shoes, she can’t see it.

Is she really about to do this? Is she ready to strip off all the armor she’s so carefully crafted and made a home of? It doesn’t even feel like armor anymore -- it’s a second skin, as close to her as she’s let anything get.

Her own responding certainty runs so deep it touches her trembling bones. She doesn’t feel like fighting it. She wants this with him, wherever it ends up taking them.

“Please.”

When her eyes drift open again, his are locked on her, virile and hungry and so fucking alive. She swears she could come just by looking at them. They watch her for a moment or two, then drop. He pries her claw-like hands off his body and holds them between his own. He cradles them against his lips, blinking up at her lazily, a single curl falling over his hot gaze.

“Where’s your bedroom?”

His words restart her breath. She nods behind him. He gestures toward the hallway she points down and follows her little steps as she guides him.

Her bedroom is bright, surrounded by windows on three walls in the corner of the house. The ceiling gables to a peak so it feels like a little tower. Her bed takes up most of the space -- it’s enormous with white wrought iron head and footboards and blood red sheets. It’s covered in dog hair -- he bets Pammy usually sleeps there with her.

He grins and spends time unapologetically studying. He can feel the way her eyes track him, waiting for his next move. He finds he enjoys being the cat to her mouse. He wasn’t sure it could feel natural, but he finds he wants to relieve her. This is the best way to do it.

He stops in front of a photo print on her wall, a black and white portrait. It’s a close up. Her hair is wet and slung around her face. She appears to be laughing so hysterically it’s almost a scream. Shawn recognizes it and is sure it came from the shoot she used in her La Splendeur portfolio. He glances over his shoulder at her to see her watching him with her hands folded.

“You’ve really never done this before? Not even before you started escorting?”

Penny shrugs. “No. I mean, I wasn’t always so bossy, but I’ve never been… a sub.”

Shawn turns, smiling. “Something tells me you’ve always been a little bossy.”

Penny’s eyes flash for a moment and he can see the domme in her, the one that will always be there, even when she needs a rest. It shoots a thrill up his spine. He gets to give her what she needs this time.

“I’m gonna take your clothes off now,” he says quietly, waiting for her nod before his fingers skip to the buttons of her shirt. He plucks at them, watching more freckled brown skin come out as he goes. He licks his lips, and then remembers he can taste her whenever the hell he wants. With a little murmur, he ducks his head and sucks on her collarbone right next to her throat. She mewls, tilting her head to accommodate him, dragging her hands up his sides. 

Shawn stops. He bares his teeth against her shoulder. Her eyes fly open.

“Baby, you know the rules. No hands until I tell you.”

Penny’s chest tightens. She drops her grasp on him. From her shoulder, he watches her little hands clench into fists. He scoops her closer and sucks harder, working the rest of her buttons until he can shrug it off her shoulders. It flutters to their feet. Shawn starts in on the button of her boyfriend jeans, securing his lips now to the base of her throat to suck a twin burgundy mark. Penny’s breathing is heavy and erratic. She’s having trouble letting go.

Once he gets her clothes off, she’s left in a set of heathered gray Calvin Klein lingerie. He laughs. She preens a little.

“Did you do this on purpose?”

Penny sweeps her hair off her shoulders and looks down, licking her lips. “I fuck in my Calvins.”

Shawn’s eyes go dark. He shakes his head slowly. “No you don’t, honey. Take ‘em off.”

He steps back, rests his ass against her dresser and hopes his knuckles aren’t visibly white against the antique wood. She sheds the sports bra first, bending to drop it at her feet, letting her breasts swing. She rises slowly, teasing him. He’s enjoying it. She loops her thumbs through the panties at her hips and drags them down. Shawn spots the wetness darkening the crotch and grunts approvingly.

He looks her up and down. She stands tall and confident because that doesn’t come from the domme in her, that’s just Penny. He tilts his head.

“Where’s your necklace, Pen?”

Her easy confidence is rocked. She blinks and looks around. When she can’t find the words around her, she looks back at him, wide-eyed.

“Wanna see you in it when I make you come.”

Penny’s thighs squeeze. Shawn bites his lip.

She goes to her vanity and reaches into the first drawer. The red box is cracked and faded by time, but what’s in it still shines like the day it was made. She locks eyes with him in the mirror while she clasps it around her pretty neck.

Shawn takes slow, quiet steps up behind her, eyes trained on hers until he’s a breath away. He looks down and admires the glimmer from the curve of her neck. Now exposed to her other unmarked side, he slips a hand down to her stomach to anchor her against him. The other delicately traces the path of diamonds along her throat.

“It’s so pretty, huh, Pen?” he rasps.

She nods. “Really pretty.”

He hums and presses his lips against her jugular, feeling his pulse thrum as hers does.

“And who got it for you?” His voice is a muffled growl against her skin.

She closes her eyes. “You did.”

He skims up along her jaw to the corner of her soft mouth. “That’s right, baby.”

His warm hand cups her throat, not applying pressure but just to hold her head back while he kisses her nearly upside down. She’s eager and responsive now, gripping the little chair in front of her vanity but still squirming under his control. The hand on her stomach dips between her legs. She’s nice and wet, but still not as wet as he wants when he takes her.

“Fuck, you taste good,” he grunts into her mouth, swallowing the crooning whine she releases when he works the heel of his hand against her clit. She spreads her legs a little wider, giving her the purchase to work back against his hand for more friction. He clocks her greediness and smiles against her sweet lips, giving her clit a rough smack. She yelps and lets it trail into a moan.

“Getting desperate, sweetheart?”

His voice is all sharp honey. She wants to fucking bathe in it. She whines again weakly and lets her weight fall back against him. He holds her up, locking an arm around her stomach so the hand between her legs can come up to offer to her.

“Have a taste.”

Penny looks down at his glistening fingers. She brings her hand up to cradle his, and he allows it, focusing on her mouth as she sucks his fingers in between her lips.

Penny’s not unfamiliar with the taste. She’s sucked on fingers and toys that are coated in her many times, but never like this, never as it’s being presented to her by a partner. It’s headier and more erotic. She moans low, overwhelmed by it. Shawn’s eyes dim.

“Fuck, you like that? You taste so fucking good, huh?”

She nods eagerly, still swirling her tongue around his fingers one by one. The arm around her holds her fast while he grinds, still fully clothed, against her perfect round ass. She releases his fingers with a filthy slurp and pants at him.

“Can I suck your cock?”

Shawn wants to fall to his knees for her, but resists, given her request. He kisses her hard, nodding, letting her turn in his arms and lead him to the bed. On the way, she shucks him out of his t-shirt and jeans. He’s in gray Calvins, too. She giggles. It makes his cock throb.

He sits on the edge of her bed. She kneels in between his legs, charged by the confident way he shifts a hand into her hair and spreads his knees. His eyes are molten, looking down at her. She cups him through his briefs and sighs.

“Missed your cock.”

Shawn groans, his brow wrinkling. “Show me.”

With one last glance up at him, she pulls him free, tugging his briefs off his ankles to fling away with her own Calvins.

Penny leans in, her hands planted on his powerful quads, her breath short at seeing how he’s already leaking for her. She curls her tongue over the tip of his cock greedily to swipe up his salty precome. He hums.

“Gonna take me nice and deep, honey?”

She’s never heard him talk like this. It makes her lightheaded and whimpery. She nods and kisses a path down the underside of his shaft to his balls. She peppers them with kisses, light and teasing, then follows her trail back up.

She stops with her lips brushing his head. It pulses for her eagerly. She runs her tongue along the ridge, enjoying the way his stomach clenches.

“I want you to fuck my throat,” she whispers, her voice sounding like he’s already done it.

Shawn’s eyes nearly roll back in his head. “Fuck yeah, baby. Shit. Yeah, wanna feel your throat around my cock.”

With his hand still firmly in her hair, she slicks him down first with her tongue, bobbing her head a few times until her nose brushes his abdomen, warming herself up. She pulls back up, catching his eye, nodding without releasing him from her mouth.

It occurs to Shawn as he starts to slowly rock his hips that he’s never actually… done this. He’s had many blowjobs -- the good, the bad and the ugly. Penny has sucked him down several times, each more perfect than the last. But he’s never been asked to treat a woman’s throat like her pussy before. He hears himself whine as he grazes the back of Penny’s throat, only to feel her swallow.

“Shit, that feels… Pen…” he breathes, letting himself pick up a rhythm, planting his feet for leverage. Her hands rub at his inner thighs, coaxing them apart as she scoots forward, eager for more.

He watches in amazement until he realizes he can’t because he’s so fucking close to coming in her pretty mouth and he’d so much rather come in her warm cunt. He eases her back by her hair, watching her slurp at his bright red tip, popping her lips around it in a way that almost makes him thrust back up into her mouth and say screw it.

“So good, honey, shit, fuck, we gotta…” He chuckles at himself, at the way he sounds like he’s really ready to bust. He shakes his head and falls back into her sheets, inhaling deeply.

“We gotta slow down. Not ready to come yet.”

Her sheets smell like lavender fabric softener. She leans her cheek against his inner thigh, sneaking a little kiss.

“Shawn?”

Her voice is softer than he’s ever heard it. He lifts his head to look at her.

Her brown eyes are peering at him from over his thigh. She blinks quickly.

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask… you for something?”

His heart squeezes. He nods.

Penny turns her face into his thigh, brushing her nose through the downy hair there.

“Will you spank me? Please?”

Shawn lurches upright, leaning on his hand as he stares down at her.

“Say it again.”

He hears himself give the command but doesn’t remember thinking it.

She folds her hands in her lap. “Please spank me.”

Shawn beams at her, reaching for her hand and yanking her up onto the bed and against his warm, needy body. They both writhe and moan in reaction to the fullest contact they’ve had, skin against skin, desperation mixing. He tastes her desire on her tongue, mixed with his own saltiness. He groans and bites into her lower lip, cupping her firm ass in both hands. She arches into it, fisting the sheets in her hands as she fights her instinct to touch him, to take whatever she needs.

Instead, she lets him give it.

Shawn holds her close and sits up, cradling her in his lap. He spreads tender kisses across her cheeks and chin and mouth, his fingers crawling over his most precious -- her shoulder blades.

He gets her so soft and pliant in his arms he almost decides not to let her go. But she’s squirming and wet and he thinks maybe he’s about to fulfill a long held curiosity and fantasy of hers, and what could be better than getting to do that for someone you love?

Shawn sighs into her hair, tucking it back behind her ear so he can whisper.

“Lie across my lap.”

The responding whimper is so sweet, so charged and eager, Shawn’s hips rut up against her before he can stop them. She’s dripping in his lap and he thinks her spanking is only going to make her wetter. The heady power makes him growl again. His toes curl against her rug.

He helps position Penny across his lap facedown. Her thighs are clamped together, likely to offer her some relief as he traces patterns across her smooth hamstrings. The well-used muscles clench magnificently. Her back arches, offering him her plump, round ass like a fucking Christmas present.

Penny holds herself up proudly, taking the first teasing smacks against her soft flesh with only gentle, approving coos. He distracts her, teasing his fingertips down her thighs and out over her hips. She breathes shakily.

When the first hard spank comes on her left cheek, she yelps. Shawn’s hand holds tight, squeezing to make a mark, keeping the bite in place just like she does when she spanks him.

Suddenly, the pressure is gone. His hand rests limply.

“Penny, what’s your safe word?”

His voice is totally sober and clear. She blinks out of the haze.

“Uh… I don’t… have one.”

His thumb rubs a circle into the palm mark he left. “Can you pick one?”

Penny squints. She can barely remember what day it is, she’s so gone. She glances around the room, looking for inspiration. Her eyes land on her closet.

“Stiletto.”

She can hear Shawn’s smirk. He accedes and goes back to massaging the nice welt he left from his first strike. He leaves another on her other cheek to match. Penny squirms. She knows he can feel her wetness pooling in his lap. She knows that’s why he isn’t afraid to spank her a little harder -- the harder it gets, the more she drips.

Penny lies slack across his lap, weightless, worry-less. The pleasure-pain has her higher than any other substance she’s tried. She feels so fucking free with him, safe and cherished in a way she can’t quite replicate on the other side of a punishment.

There’s an element of awe in a D/s relationship. If it’s right, it’s shared by both parties -- the dominant partner in awe of their submissive’s willingness, their singular desire for whatever the dominant wants to give them; and the submissive in awe of their dominant’s ability to strip them of everything that stresses, aches or bothers, leaving them only to feel what the dominant wants them to feel. Penny thinks she understands both now so fully as she arches her back a little higher and murmurs into the pillow, waiting to see what else he’ll give her.

On the third slap across her left cheek, she cries out and comes off her elbows, letting her cheek rest against her duvet as he rubs her and coos.

“Fuck, such a good girl for me,” Shawn marvels. His erection is trapped between his stomach and her side. She writhes against it, gifting him the same relief he’s giving her.

His hand slips between her thighs. Penny moans, leaning her weight back into it. Shawn slips two fingers inside her, sighing.

“Fucking soaked. Want you nice and ready for my cock.”

Penny’s gurgling mewl would be embarrassing with anyone else. She thinks he likes watching her react when he flicks his wrist a certain way, brushes her g-spot teasingly, or scissors his fingers apart. She gasps and squeaks and moans and whines and cries out when his free hand slaps at one of the livid marks her left on her perky ass. He soaks it all in with an easy smile until she’s panting, desperate.

“Please, I need your cock,” she sobs, pressing her hip up against it again, tempting him. His eyes droop, showing weakness.

Shawn doesn’t see the point in waiting any longer. He’s ready to make her come all over him, to burst inside her in that way that could never be so satisfying with anyone else. He eases his fingers out of her, lavishing them with his tongue while she watches. Her pussy clenches again, waiting for him to fill it.

He helps her off his lap, still smirking, easing her onto her stomach with her head on a pillow. He pauses.

“Pen, do you want a condom?” he asks softly. She shakes her head no, facedown. His cock gives a twitch.

Shawn straddles her, his knees bracketing hers as he lowers himself down against her back, reveling in her sharp inhale when his cock slips between her thighs. They start to rock in time like they planned it, but it’s just them. Shawn moans contentedly against her neck.

“Been so good and sweet for me, Penny. My perfect girl.”

Penny hums in reply. It rumbles through Shawn’s chest where he’s pressed against her.

“Gonna make you feel so good, honey. Wanna make you come so fucking hard for me. Can you do that?”

Penny nods before he’s even finished the question. He grins and kisses a mark he left on her shoulder.

Shawn eases back and positions himself at her entrance, held up just barely by his knees. He takes a breath, closes his eyes, and presses his hips forward.

Shawn remembers the first time she let him in. She reached between her legs, her eyes never leaving his, and guided him in herself, slinging a leg over his shoulder like they did it every day. It was hot and brazen and he came a little embarrassingly fast but she just beamed at him and let him play with her nipples until he fell asleep, only to fuck him harder when he woke up before dawn. It wasn’t intimate, it wasn’t elevating, it was just satisfying.

Shawn turns his face into Penny’s neck. He can feel her pulse and hear her sharp breathing into the pillow as her body adjusts to his. With his weight against her, she’s enclosed by him and still reaches for more, sliding a hand up to clap over his, linking their fingers. Shawn’s hips snap forward once, hard, in response to her instinctively personal gesture. Penny rocks with the motion, gasping wetly into the pillow. 

“Feels good, sweetheart?”

Penny squirms at the pet name, one she’s never heard from him before, it only made an appearance tonight after he donned his dom costume. 

“Good. So… good,” Penny sighs, running her thumb against his. Shawn looks at their fingers and it has him rocking back up against her to start a comfortable rhythm.

She’s cradled beneath him, wet and content, holding his hand, her body gripping his cock like maybe they’re in love but fuck, he’s not gonna say it, he’s definitely not gonna say it because she hasn’t said it and he’s still paying for the privilege of being balls deep inside her, even if it’s the greatest privilege of his life.

So he swings his hips a little faster into the red, welted flesh of her ass and absorbs every moaning breath she gifts him like he’s losing his hearing tomorrow.

Penny is melting. She’s smearing makeup onto her pillow, she’s dripping wetness into her sheets, she’s fucking coming apart. But it’s more than that. She’s never felt like this before. And she’s seen and heard a million women say it. She understood conceptually what they meant, but she never got the glassy awayness in their eyes when they said it. Penny can’t see herself now, and she’s glad she can’t, but she bets her eyes are pretty thoroughly glazed.

Beneath his perfect hips and pressed up against his broad chest, she’s somewhere she never thought she’d be. She’s under, not over, out of control but not powerless. She didn’t think the happy medium could exist in her life, not when she’s spent most of it fighting for as much control as she could gather. Control meant comfort. If it was broken, she could fix it. If she couldn’t, it was on her. But it was a burden she could deal with. She never had help. She didn’t ask for it. She didn’t want it.

But that’s not really true. She’s always had Peter. She’s always had Gus. She’s always had Silver. The man shifting his hips above her to find her g-spot while he sucks on her earlobe and squeezes her fingers is new to the picture but becoming maybe just as important.

Perhaps the things she values most in life are those she can’t control.

She presses her forehead into the pillow. Her chest is caving in with each swing as it bottles up inside her. She shakes her head slightly, wetting her lips. Holding it in.

“Penny, fuck, honey, I’m so close.”

Her release of breath is a sob so sudden and so violent that Shawn’s rhythm falters. He slows, tucking his head over her shoulder to check on her. His eyes are wide. His lips are parted.

“Pen--”

“Mia.”

Shawn’s hips stop altogether. He’s buried so deep neither of them can breathe, but neither of them moves, either.

“What?” he pants.

She turns her face, brushing her nose against his. His eyes fall shut.

“My name is Mia, not Penny. Mia Violetta Bianchi. My name is Mia.”

Mia. Mia. Mia.

The connections snapping in place in Shawn’s brain feel like livewires sparking all over the place. He pants harder into her ear, though he’s stopped moving. 

Mia. Mia. Mia.

He holds her hand tighter and starts stroking harder, feeling her body pulse around his, a hot, wet warning.

Mia. Mia. Mia.

He doesn’t realize until now he’s been saying it out loud. Her name. Her real name.

“Mia,” he breathes, his lips brushing the shell of her ear, “Come for me, Mia.”

Her body pops like a bottle of champagne. She goes impossibly tight around him, pulsing erratically, desperately seeking his mouth to cry into as she comes harder than he’s ever fucking seen. He follows blindly, his hips taking off without him. He calls out her name over and over as he releases inside her, like he’s trying to make up for every time he’s said the other name. By the time his most powerful orgasm to date abates, leaving him shaking and ready for collapse against her soft, languid body, he can’t think anything else.

Mia.

+

He feels something’s wrong before he even wakes up. He turns over to find her sitting on the edge of her own bed beside him, staring at him mournfully. She doesn’t appear to have been crying, but she looks close enough.

“Hey,” he whispers, starting to sit up.

Mia turns her head, looking at the floor. The motion makes one of the center diamonds in her necklace catch the light. He’s never wanted to touch her so badly.

“I need to ask you for something.”

He nods. “Anything.”

“I need you to leave me alone for awhile.”

Shawn’s eyes slide shut and he thinks maybe his body is willing him back to sleep so he doesn’t have to face this.

“Ok,” he breathes.

“Just… I need some time. I know if you call I’m supposed to see you, so I’m asking you, please, if you care for me at all, don’t call me. I… don’t know how long. But I need this, Shawn.”

Her sincerity is jarring, as is the tightness with which she’s wrapped up in her terrycloth bathrobe.

“Yeah. Ok. I--”

He was about to say he understood, but he doesn’t. Not really. He bets there’s a lot he doesn’t understand. He drops his gaze.

She stands and looks at him again. “I’ll be in the shower.”

Don’t be here when I come out.

The message is unspoken but clear. In a daze, Shawn dresses and walks out. On his way, he passes a stack of mail on a credenza addressed to Mia Bianchi.

---------

Taglist: @smallerinfinities @the-claire-bitch-project @achinglyshawn @infiniteshawn @mendesoft @singanddreamanyway @alone-in-madness @abigfatmess @shawnitsmutual @awkwardfangirl2014 @september-lace @sinplisticshawn @rollingxstone @yslsaint @randi-eve @fallmoreinlove @heyits-claire @itrocksmysocks @parkerspicedlatte @simpledomain @abeautiful-and-cloudy-day @thecurlsofgod @magcon7280 @bensbuttercup @shawnsmusical @paigeasourous @tell-me-when-ur-ready @softmendesss @searchingunderthestars @buggy-blogs @tnhmblive @greedydevil @tamegray @meltingicequeen @havethetimeeofyourlifee @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @t-i-n-y-d-i-n-o @hannahlouiseee @sarahlauramendes @shawnsmoose @mendezlatte @1dbetch @graysonmendes @shawnsababe @ineffsi @ultradreamologistblog @bluerose711 @sauveteen @valedictorian65 @cleocc

[bopinion]

2020 / 53

Aperçu of the Week:

I can resist everything except Temptation (Oscar Wilde).

Bad News of the Week:

A Brexit deal has been reached in the final meters. While British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is celebrating the agreement as the "rebirth of a nation," it is being seen in Brussels and in the capitals of the EU countries for what it is: damage limitation. I can't recall such dishonesty in a democratic country to convince the electorate of an absurd plan. But why, really?

The only reason I can think of is a symbolic one: the islanders' elite feel closer to the fading memory of their former empire when they can wallow in supposed sovereignty -"Take back control!". Yet in an ever-shrinking world, any interdependence, especially economic, is simply the de facto status quo. And it is completely irrelevant whether the British crown or the European stars are depicted on British passports.

The United Kingdom got a small foretaste of an increasingly likely no-deal Brexit in the last days before Christmas, when France closed its borders because of a supposedly even more dangerous mutation of the coronavirus. And the British public registered in amazement that within days there could be empty shelves in supermarkets and pharmacies. As a reminder, the EU is and will remain the UK's most important trading partner; the opposite is not true. For comparison: about 50% of all UK imports come from the EU, the reverse is just over 6%. That's less than trade with Switzerland - which has one-eighth the population.

So expensive watches, gold, chocolate and cheese count more for the EU of 27 nations than ... humm ... well, than what, actually? Scotch whisky for sure, souvenirs of the Royal Family maybe.... I had to do some research. Gas turbines are number 5 on the British export hit list. Pharmaceutical products on 4, crude oil on 3, refined oil on 2. And on 1 cars and car parts. A closer look is worthwhile: Mini and Rolls-Royce belong to the German BMW, Jaguar and Land Rover to the Indian Tata holding. Bentley belongs to the German Volkswagen Group, leaving only Aston Martin in British hands. The large volume however is made up of Japanese manufacturers who have settled in the UK as a stepping stone to the EU - 80% of production is exported. That will change.

Likewise, the status of London City as a financial center will change, currently number one in the world ahead of New York City. On the one hand, it is hard to imagine that the EU financial industry will remain loyal to a "foreign" location. On the other hand, the portal function to the EU market also scored points here worldwide and that will be over on 01.01.2021.

Deal or no deal: nothing will ever be the same again. Completely unnecessarily, additional costs and bureaucracy will be created on both sides of the English Channel. Since the devil is always in the details, after the negotiations is before the negotiations - many details on the more than 1,200 pages of the agreement still need to be clarified, and disputes are bound to arise. But the point of no return has been reached. With the UK, the EU is losing an important player in the team. However, with Europe, the UK loses its coach, goalkeeper and top scorer at the same time. Good luck with that. Without sarcasm. Everyone will lose. Only to different degrees.

Good News of the Week:

After seven years of negotiations, China and the EU have signaled agreement in principle on the so-called "investment protection program". This regulates mutual access to each other's markets. China and the EU, especially Germany, have never needed an agreement to trade with each other. China has always been Europe's "extended workbench" with an endless, low-cost workforce. And Europe has always been the supplier of high-quality machines and tools for China's production facilities.

Direct market access, on the other hand, has long been problematic. For example, European companies had to enter into a joint venture with a Chinese company if they wanted to produce in China themselves - whether for the Chinese market or for export. This constellation often resulted in an unintentional transfer of knowledge in order to avoid the term "theft of intellectual property". This constraint is now to be eliminated. Another important aspect is the stipulation of fair competitive conditions so that, for example, no competitor gains an advantage through subsidies.

Even more importantly, the agreement provides that China must adhere to international sustainability standards. These include environmental protection and the use of resources on the one hand, and the social sphere, i.e. the working conditions of Chinese employees, on the other. China has a lot of catching up to do in both areas. Poisoned rivers and polluted air are still the norm today, but they should now become a thing of the past. And forced labor, child labor, excessive working hours without vacation entitlement and precarious working conditions in the factories are to disappear.

In contrast to the Brexit deal described above, this one shows the right way forward: a sensible economic agreement should ensure that both partners benefit without workers or the environment falling behind. That the EU is serious about this was shown this year by the suspension of negotiations with the South American Mercosur states. If these demands are upheld, one can really speak of a win-win-win-win situation.

Personal happy Moment of the Week:

On Wednesday I got an email from Tumblr informing me of the 1 year birthday of "Bopinion". In this one year I have published 132 posts of "Bo's opinion on what matters to me". All with effort and ulterior motive, so handmade and thoughtful. And I've enjoyed sorting and formulating my thoughts in this way. And more than once, my first follower, my 17-year-old daughter, sought discussion with me. Or pointed out a mistake to me. Linguistically - her English is generation-typically better than mine -, not content-wise - because I check all facts carefully and personal opinion is subjective and difficult to evaluate anyway.

For that I would like to thank her and everyone else who took the time to read my blog. Stay faithful to me in 2021, I will certainly have something to share again - even if I wish us all that this new year will be calmer and more relaxed than the old one, which will undoubtedly fill a special chapter in the history books. All the best & Stay safe!

[the-necessary-unnecessary]

I hope I am not intruding your asks but as a Villa fan I would like to make a case for supporting our side in the WSL. We have the youngest head coach in the wsl at 28(!) and in the championship, we were unbeaten and sitting at the top of table with a 6 point advantage, til covid cut the season short. I disagree with Eni Aluko's politically but she does have a lot of influence which really helps our recruitment chances as a newly promoted club. Since promotion, we've let go of a lot of our

players so we've be bringing some new faces in but we do have players who grew up supporting villa and playing for us, which doesn't really happen with many players in the women's game. The new ownership and the club in general seem to care about the women's side (the men's head coach attended a avwfc game, banner congratulating the women's side on promotion) and there's a real sense of unity at the club. Signing wise, we've been trying to outmaneuver everton for a certain dane (2/3)

(no not that one i wish) last I heard but I think we've come out on top on that one. The men's side narrowly escaped relegation, so expect more signings to be announced after everyone (inc. me) sobers up. If you're new to the wsl and don't care for teams in Manchester or London, or worse, a blues supporter (looking at you OP, it's better on the claret and blue side), please consider Aston Villa WFC to be your team of choice. Bonus point: our kit for pride month was fucking sickk (3/3)

haha I love this, just so everyone is aware as a Blues fan I do not endorse such Villa propaganda but I’ll leave it here because this is a fantastic case you just made 😂 The interest in Villa is already growing on here which is great to see so hopefully for you there will be a few more converts along the way!

[watchtowerindistress]

We Are Not Our Masks (16/25) - Bruce Wayne x Reader

Author’s note: Bruce being Daddy material. ;)

Warning: some sweet times, smut

Gifs: transfemmefatale, justiceleague, tchillax, reedmoranos

Series Masterlist | Want to be tagged?

Buy me a cuppa | Read my published books

I've got a lover

A love like religion

I'm such a fool for sacrifice

It's coming down, down, coming down

-Coming Down by Halsey-

~The same day~

Ellie's time with Bruce had to be cut short, when he said there was an urgent matter at Wayne Enterprises. He decided to work at his office at home, when he saw her reproachful glare.

In the meantime, Ellie chose to bake some chocolate chip cookies in the massive kitchen at Wayne Manor. Alfred took it upon himself to help her out a bit. Currently he was laying baking paper on the baking tray, while she mixed the batter with chocolate. As soon as she was done, Ellie and Alfred poured in the mix with the help of spoons.

“Oh my God, I wish I had such an amazing oven. I think I need a new one soon,” Ellie gushed, staring wistfully at the preheated stove.

Alfred smiled to himself. “What's the matter with yours?”

Ellie rolled her eyes, groaning. “Ugh, don't get me started. He never does what I want him to do. Pizza could turn to coal without me even trying. This one seems nice though. You finished, Alfred?”

“Yes. Let's send these little guys in,” Alfred said, smiling, putting two baking plates into the oven. They took off their aprons, choosing to clean up the flat surface. After they were done, both decided to wait patiently on the bar stools at the kitchen island.

Ellie crossed her arms in front of her, looking around her surrounding. “Where are the rest?”

Alfred cocked an eyebrow. “I'm guessing Bruce told you about his adopted children?” He asked, leaning against the counter, while pouring steaming water into two cups filled with chamomile tea bags.

“Briefly. He told me a bit about the three kids he adopted,” Ellie explained, leaving her tea to draw for a few minutes.

The butler tilted his head. “With the exception of Damian,” he continued at her curious gaze, “the ten-year old is actually his own flesh and blood.”

“I wasn't aware of that,” she said, her eyebrows furrowing in thought.

“Well, it is hard to differentiate when Master Bruce already adopted two other children,” Alfred said dryly. Ellie chuckled at his wicked sense of humor. “As to your question, Master Dick decided to pick up his brothers from school. They should come home soon enough. If they're lucky the cookies will be done then. Speaking of, our little bad boys smell almost ready.”

Ellie smiled, noticing the heavenly smell of freshly baked cookies as well. Alfred took a look inside the oven, before pulling both baking trays out with a kitchen glove.

“They're looking fantastic,” Ellie praised, her mouth already watering, in spite of them still being hot.

Alfred smiled to himself. “Indeed. A true work of art.”

His words made Ellie laugh merrily. “Oh God, everything you say, sounds fascinating.” She shook her head, not believing she actually just said that to his face.

Casually, Alfred merely shrugged his shoulders. “A true hardship to have such a wise sounding voice, I can assure you. One of the reasons why the father of Master Bruce wanted me to work for the family.”

Ellie tilted her head. “And, what's the other reason?”

The older man sent her a serious look, or she liked to call it  “Bitch, please” look. “I'm simply too badass for anyone else.”

She chuckled, helping him put the baked goods on a large plate to cool off for a bit. “Yes, you are.”

The sound of a door banging against the wall, made her jolt and the heart jump in her chest.

Alfred just sighed in irritation, like this was an everyday occurrence. “Please refrain from doing that. That antique door is far more valuable than the Aston outside.”

Collective groans could be heard in the hallway. Dick's voice called out, wincing, “Sorry, Al.”

“So, it's basically old,” she heard a voice mutter with an annoyed sigh.

“Damian!” Dick stressed out, before she heard something that sounded like someone got a light hit to the head, and growled in retaliation.

As soon as their footsteps halted, Ellie raised an eyebrow in Alfred's direction, who merely merely pursed his lips to cover up a smile. “What smells so good?” A small voice asked, a different boy this time. Cautious, yet excited feet came closer. Ellie turned her body and saw three people standing in the corner of the kitchen now.

She nodded to Dick with a smile and took notice of two little boys next to him. She was guessing, these were the elusive children named Damian and Tim. Going by Bruce's description of their personalities, the smaller one with a permanent scowl and crossed arms in front of his chest, was Damian. While the other child had the same dark hair that almost fell into his face, yet he seemed more insecure and shy. This was probably Tim.

Dick sniffed the air before his eyes shone as soon as they all saw the cookies on the kitchen counter. “You can stay, Ellie.”

She rolled her eyes with a chuckle and turned back to the cookies. “You guys can have them. They're still a bit warm, which is just how you should eat cookies.”

Tim asked in his small voice, “You made cookies?”

Ellie turned back to the boys, introducing herself, “Yes, I'm Ellie. A … friend of Bruce.”

She saw Damian narrow his eyes at her name, still not moving from his position, while Tim and Dick came closer.

“Chocolate chip?” Dick asked, taking one for himself and one for Tim, who was gazing at the biscuit as if in wonder and shining eyes.

Ellie eyed Tim with humor. “It's not going to bite you.” Her words made him look up at her, unsure.

“I wouldn't be so sure,” Damian said bitingly. She could feel his glare directed to her side. Bruce wasn't kidding when he said the kid had issues.

Dick and Tim both decided to take a bite and their groans of pleasure, put a smile on her face. “Hmm, so good,” Dick claimed, already taking another bite.

“Can I get milk, Alfred?” Tim asked, his big innocent eyes were making her almost sigh.

Alfred already moved behind her. “Of course, Master Tim. If you want, you can eat in the living-room, as long as you use a plate.”

As soon as Tim was armed with a glass of milk and plates with their cookies, the little guy paused, while looking at her. “Thank you,” he whispered, not directly looking at her, before he left the kitchen already.

“You're welcome,” Ellie replied, her voice equally small, as she stared after him.

Dick's mouth was still full, when he saluted her with a cookie in his hand, sending her a carefree smirk. Ellie shook her head, saying “Richard,” as he passed by. Dick stilled, slowly chewing. "What happened to Grayson?"

Ellie shrugged. "Seemed a bit impersonal to me." She pointed a finger in his direction as a reminder. "But don't expect me to call you Dick anytime soon."

Dick chuckled. "Small steps." His shoulders still shook in laughter, going after Tim into the living-room.

Her eyes found Damian's again, who gazed at her with calculating eyes, distrust clear in them. “You know, you can eat one too, Damian. Cookies always have the tendency to make me feel better.”

“Debatable. And how do you know my name?”

Ellie paused, thrown off by his interrogating questions. “Uh, Bruce told me.”

Damian came closer. “Why?”

Damn, for such a small kid, he sure seemed intimidating. She felt like she was on the police station, having to defend herself against a crime she didn't commit.

“Because you're his family?” Her words paused him in his steps. “Are you saying, you don't want cookies?” Ellie raised an eyebrow in question, unsure what to make of Damian yet.

He quickly collected himself again, trying a different approach. “Who's to say that you didn't poison them?”

Ellie raised her eyebrows in surprise, while Alfred exclaimed in shock at the audacity, clearly affronted by the mere mention of it, “Master Damian.”

She had to think long and hard on what to say next. It felt already like a debate was ensuing. “Well, if you really think that, why did you let your brothers get themselves some cookies?”

His silence was unexpected. She threw Alfred a look. “Alfred, you hungry?” She took a deliberate bite from their fresh cookies, while he helped himself as well.

“Famished, Miss Ellie,” he replied dryly.

Feeling like their banter was finished, Damian merely narrowed his eyes, before defiantly storming up the stairs. His quick gaze at the still filled plate didn't go unnoticed. “I don't get this kid,” Ellie whispered to Alfred, both enjoying their baked goods.

He let out a long sigh. “Master Damian is something else. Just give him time. We all do.” Alfred gave her a weary look and put the two empty baking trays next to the kitchen sink. Ellie chose to pack up the rest of the cookies into a box, just in case Dick and Tim, or even Damian, wanted more.

It was hard getting used to how fast it could get dark around this season in Gotham. It might have been 7 o'clock in the evening, yet the night sky was the only light outside next to the lamp posts. Ellie was currently at the supermarket, buying some candy and food to settle the boys' stomachs, when she stepped outside with her paper bag on her arms.

She really just wanted to do something good for the kids. Ellie could guess that Dick was having a sweet tooth just like her. She was getting the feeling that Tim would appreciate someone doing something nice for him. And Damian … well, she had no idea what he actually liked, if she was being honest. He might like sweet things, but he kind of gave the impression that he didn't indulge himself in nice things, nor had enjoyed cookies before in his life.

Still, it wouldn't take her long until she would reach the Bruce's home again.

Grunts around the corner made her stop short, knowing that she would have to go that way. She exhaled in annoyance, quickening her steps to get it over with. From what she heard, it sounded like two people probably having a small fight, or two guys were getting it on. Judging where she was from she was guessing it was the former. As she reached the entrance to the alley, she couldn't help but see from the corner of her eye, something familiar.

Ellie stopped short, turning her head and saw the Dark Knight himself, fighting against a hooded figure who was brandishing a knife. She knew it was strange to watch two people hurt each other Fight Club-style, yet it was still amazing seeing Gotham's protector move with such agility and rough punches.

“Tell me his name,” he growled.

Ellie raised her eyebrows, for the first time seeing him truly in action. The last time she didn't really see him, not to mention it was over too fast for her to fully appreciate it.

“I don't know his name, not even what he looks like.”

The hood guy was now kneeling on the ground, making the Batman behind him put him in a choke-hold, pulling him up with a growl.

“Choke-hold's illegal, man,” the bad guy spat with a croaking voice, his features straining underneath the hooded jacket.

“Do I look like I care?” Batman growled, his eyes suddenly wavering to her standing in the alley. He stilled, surprise clear on his face.

“I hope I'm not interrupting.” Ellie waved her hands around, her eyes wide open.

The hood guy used Batman's initial hesitation to pull out his knife, whether to throw it in her direction or at his opponent behind him, she wasn't sure. The caped crusader acted on impulse and halted his hand, pushing the sharp weapon into the guy's thigh, making him cry out in pained anger.

She was still glancing at him in shock, finding it rare to see him again. Ellie always thought the Batman was kind of a mirage, only to be seen by civilians every blue moon. And she met the guy twice in two weeks. How was this even possible?

Ellie was still deep in her thoughts, as Batman stepped closer towards her, but not before throwing out, “Don't go anywhere,” behind him.

“And here I thought, I wouldn't actually see you so soon, or like at all.” She gazed up at his tall frame towering over her head, as he unclenched his fists in front of her.

Batman displayed a crooked smirk under the cowl. “I'm counting myself lucky then. And I told you there was going to be a next time. This shows that you tend to get into trouble.”

Ellie playfully rolled her eyes. “Still so funny. Maybe you should try not getting into trouble.”

“I can't help it,” Batman replied, a teasing glint shining in his eyes. “You want me to give you a lift?”

Ellie looked behind him at the bad guy still moaning on the ground, her unsure eyes glancing back at the Dark Knight. “How about just a short ride in that direction? Wayne Manor.” She pointed towards the edge of the city. “Wait, are we like flying with one of your gadgets,” she pointed to his utility belt around his waist, her heart was pounding at the prospect of the alternative, “or are you here with the Batmobile?”

Ellie could see him raise an eyebrow at her apparent enthusiasm. Batman smirked, stepping forward, so there was nothing separating them. “Hold onto me tight. This won't take long, I promise.”

She did as she was told, enveloping her arms around his middle, as he lifted them into the air, before dropping them carefully near his renowned Batmobile. She gazed at his black car in unconcealed wonder. “You really don't mind giving me a ride?”

“It's on my way,” he assured her, before he pressed something on his utility belt, opening her door.

Ellie crawled onto her seat and carefully looked at the inside of the car. She glanced over at the Batman sitting down and letting the engine rev to life.

“Seat belt,” he said in his guttural voice, making her jolt in surprise.

“Oh, right. Sorry.” She chuckled, tightening the four-point belt around her body. Ellie felt grateful that he didn't drive as fast, as he probably normally did when doing a high-speed chase.

“I really have to say,” she admitted, furtive glances thrown in his direction, “I do love this car.”

Batman chuckled. “Me too.” He paused, "And don't call it a car." Ellie pressed her lips together to suppress her laughter.

The car ride was cut short as he stopped the Batmobile near her intended location. “That was quick,” Ellie stated the obvious, knowing that they were close to saying goodbye.

Batman hummed in agreement. “So, … Bruce Wayne, huh?”

Ellie sent him a scolding glance, knowing it was useless trying to intimidate this guy. “You really interested in wanting to talk?”

He snorted, his smile shining with the display of his car. “I just didn't take you for someone wanting to date billionaires.”

Ellie rolled her eyes at him teasing her. “Shh.” She put a shushing finger in front of her mouth, like she was sharing a secret with him. Well, she could bet he had a few of his own. “I just want him for the sex.” Her banter made him chuckle with unrestrained laughter. “Thanks for the ride,” she said, stepping out of the vehicle.

Ellie sighed in bliss. She always liked it when Bruce touched her all over her body, like he couldn't get enough of her.

“You feel so good, Bruce.” She bit her lip and barely closed her eyes. The feeling of his hands kneading her heaving breasts, made her pussy clench with arousal.

Ellie could hear him groan underneath her. “Go slower. Yes, just like that.”

His strained voice made her whimper and throw her head back. Ellie held onto him at his chest, the sheet falling around her waist. There was just something about Bruce using his dominating voice on her, that made her pussy drip. Ellie exhaled, feeling the air around them get thicker, beads of sweat gathered on their bodies.

Her pussy was making sucking noises around his cock, this tight feeling forced a moan out of her mouth. She couldn’t get enough of him as her nails clung to his chest.

A cross between a grunt and a groan left Bruce’s lips. His muscles rippled underneath Ellie.

“Yeah, let me hear you, Ellie,” Bruce groaned, his dark, rippling arms standing in contrast to her lighter skin.

Her nails marked his skin with scratches when he hit a sensitive spot. Bruce groaned, causing her to feel his chest vibrating. “I don't want to be too loud, Bruce,” she whispered.

He abruptly sat up, bending her knees over his hips and creating such delicious friction. Ellie inhaled deeply with a sigh as she gazed at Bruce's dark eyes. This position gave her the perfect opportunity to look him right in the eye, sending her higher. Her arm wound around his neck, while the other circled his nipple.

“Trust me, they're sleeping,” Bruce whispered against her lips, before his mouth swallowed hers. She moaned at the feel of his tongue around hers, as it sucked and massaged her. With the strength of his hand, Bruce moved her body on top of his, pounding into her. Her clit was rubbing against the soft hair of his stomach.

She whimpered into his mouth, before she pulled away. “Please faster. I need you, Bruce,” Ellie said breathlessly.

She lowered herself faster onto his cock and breathed hotly against his neck, sucking the spot with fervor. Ellie knew, this was one of these sensitive areas, where he couldn't resist her.

A loud groan left Bruce's mouth, before he turned them both around with just one movement, so her back landed on the mattress. Ellie gazed up into his eyes in wonder, stroking his strong arms, which were engulfing her. “Hmm, now someone’s just bragging,” she breathed against his lips.

Bruce sighed, his warm breath tickling her mouth. With one stroke he pushed inside her pussy, making them both moan and grip onto each other. Her nails scratched his ribs and his back as he finally started pounding into her without pausing. Ellie moaned, raising her legs higher over his waist and held onto his glistening, hot body. She didn't know how much more she could take, when Bruce decided to palm her butt.

The clenching of her inner walls, made him groan into her neck. She bit her lip when she felt his hot breath against it and grabbed him by his muscled ass.

“I'm so close, Bruce.”

At hearing her words, he held onto the bed railing, forcing the bed to slam against the wall as fucked her into nirvana.

When her eyes cleared again from all the fireworks, Ellie could feel Bruce stroking her hip. Her whole body was humming. “Damn, I don't what that was, but it felt amazing.”

Bruce's shoulders were shaking. “I couldn't agree more. You want another round?” His dilated eyes and the lock falling into his face, made her feel all weak in the knees. If she wasn't already.

His fingers slowly brushed a few of Ellie’s sweaty hair away from her forehead. Just as her heartbeat was slowly settling down, his content hazel-colored eyes certainly made her heart stutter. Maybe she was just imagining it - the way he was looking at her, so peaceful and calm.

“You can go another round? What are you made of? Testosterone?!”

Bruce chuckled, pressing open-mouthed kisses against her cleavage, neck and finally her mouth. “I thought you liked that about me?”

She could only hum in agreement, when he was licking and sucking her lower lip. Ellie grabbed the sweaty back of his head, not minding to mix her body with his sweat and his cum. She welcomed his skillful tongue with pleasure, the kneading motions making her pussy clench again. Oh God, what was wrong with her?

Ellie sighed into his mouth, their tongues mating together, like their own intimate parts would. “Oh God, I want you again.”

She could feel his smile against her lips, before he whispered, “Get on your knees.”

Without further ado, she was lying on her stomach. Ellie felt already sore and relaxed all over, and was patiently waiting for Bruce to take his fill. She sighed in bliss when she felt his palms caressing her cheeks, right before a loud smack resounded in the room.

A surprised moan left her lips.

“You like that?”

“Hmm,” she only hummed, feeling wetness gathering already. She loved what a shameless picture they were displaying, her ass was yearning for his touch, while Bruce was spanking her.

His finger went inside her pussy, circling around her sore clit again. “You're wet already. You like being punished, sweetheart?”

Bruce's use of endearment slightly softened his crude words, as he pushed his finger in and out of her wet channel.

“Please, just fuck me.” Ellie couldn't bear it any longer, she needed to come. Badly.

His dark chuckle sent delicious shivers down her spine. “Only, because you said 'please'.” He pulled at her body, so she was lying flat on the bed, her ass the only thing that caught his attention. Slowly, he shoved his cock into her pussy. She moaned at the feeling of his thick cock massaging her walls. His slow movements made her sigh into the pillows, her arms were spread out in front of her. She bit her lip when the coarse hair in his crotch was rubbing her sensitive clit, his other was stroking her back and behind all the while.

“Fuck me faster.”

Bruce groaned. “No, I want this slow.” His hairy chest met her back, as he continued thrusting in and out of her. The heavy weight was making it hard for her to do anything, while his hand rubbed her tit and the other one circled her crying nub.

She needed to feel his skin on hers and massaged his sweating scalp, the other hand palming his ass cheek. Her actions made him go a little faster, but just barely. Ellie could feel his open mouth against her shoulder, just before he slightly bit into that spot. Her pussy constricted around his cock, milking him for what it was worth. 

When he came on top of her, she couldn't control her own orgasm. A long and heavy grunt left his lips, just before his heavy weight relaxed on her body.

Ellie tapped his butt, when she needed more air to breathe. She heard Bruce chuckle, who dropped on his side of the bed, his naked body seeming to relax. His twinkling eyes met hers, “It seemed like you didn't mind screaming out after all.”

Ellie's cheeks were turning red. It was a wonder how she was blushing now, even after remembering all the things they just did together. She covered herself with the sheet, not liking being naked when she wasn't having sex. “I just didn't want to wake them with unnecessary sex noises.”

“Oh, I wouldn't call it unnecessary,” Bruce said playfully, who seemed content to bask in his nakedness. It was really distracting, as she didn't really know where to look, his wet penis or his glorious face.

“You know what I mean.” She nudged him teasingly in the shoulder, letting a small smile appear on his face. Something on her face must have revealed something she wasn't openly saying.

“What's wrong?” His eyebrows furrowed in interest and pulled up her sheet over his crotch, getting closer to her. “Did something happen this afternoon?” He leaned next to her, softly stroking her glistening arm in comfort.

“You know, I somehow told Babs about us. She was really persistent.”

Bruce shared a small smile with her, knowing how Barbara could get.

“And I met Tim … and Damian.”

His long sigh spoke volumes.

“Tim is … he seems sweet,” Ellie clarified, a little smile softened her features, just thinking about this little guy.

Bruce relaxed his head on the pillow, looking up at her. “Yes, he is. He endured so much already.”

Her heart ached for this innocent little boy who lost his parents when he was still so young. “I didn't know that Damian is actually your own child.”

“They may be adopted, but they're not any less my children. I care about every single one of them. And regarding Damian, did he say something to you?” Bruce seemed awfully worried that the youngest troublemaker might have said something to her that hurt her feelings.

She shook her head in denial. “No, I just … I don't want to cause any issues between you guys.”

Bruce sent her a meaningful look, all serious. “Trust me, I can handle Damian. You tell me if he gets out of line.”

Ellie chuckled. “Bruce, he's not the first ten-year-old I ever met.”

He raised an eyebrow, smugness featuring in his eyes. “In his case, he's nothing like the ten-year-olds you met.”

Bruce POV

He was gazing at her as she slept. God, she was beautiful – all relaxed and soft. Ellie's mouth was slightly opened and she was making little breathing sounds in her sleep. She was truly adorable, and she'd probably kill him if she knew that she was called that way. Bruce enjoyed just looking at her, how her breasts heaved underneath the sheet, in even breaths of air.

Bruce furrowed his eyebrows in thought, as their conversation from last night came to mind. He quietly donned on his clothes, a gray t-shirt and black jeans, now that he knew he was staying at home.

He gently closed the door to his bedroom, not wanting to wake Ellie yet, when he was confronted with Dick. His oldest son was waiting in the corridor, his arms crossed in front of his chest, his clothes tightening at the motion.

Bruce narrowed his eyes and tilted his head, as he faced the smirk on Dick's face. “Why are you waiting by my room?”

Dick didn't seem fazed at all by his glaring face, shrugging. “Oh, you know. Just chilling.”

Bruce raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “What do you want, Dick?” He felt it unnecessary to beat around the bush. He went ahead in direction of the kitchen, while his son followed closely behind him.

“I think you should keep her,” Dick bursted out. He turned to him in disbelief. Well, at least he was honest … and impatient. “Though as long as you can hold on to someone like Ellie.”

His words made Bruce turn his head."What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

Dick shrugged. "Oh, you know, she's one of a kind and wonderful ... and you're, well, you."

Bruce's smile, which felt strained even to him, displayed on his face. “You're hilarious, as always.”

“I'm just saying, she made cookies.”

That stopped Bruce in his tracks. “And no one dared to tell me?” He muttered quietly, his annoyance with himself apparent.

Dick added quietly, “Tim thanked her personally.”

His gaze swept to Dick in surprise. “He spoke to Ellie?”

Dick nodded, hope and fondness shining in his eyes. “He's still a bit cautious, but it's a start, right?”

Bruce exhaled a heavy sigh. Since he adopted him about three months ago, Tim didn't usually talk to strangers. Well, he normally didn't speak much. He was a smart kid who liked to keep to himself, just reading his books in the library, and working on his computer. Bruce hoped with time he would open up.  Pot meet kettle. He remembered how he acted after the death of his parents, being all moody, quiet and angry.

Bruce sighed. He believed Tim had higher hopes than Damian, who wasn't actually known for his social skills. Tim wasn't either, but in his eyes Tim was trying.

They just rounded the corner when they saw the little devil himself standing in the kitchen. Bruce and Dick stopped short, confused by his doings. Damian was glaring at a box in the kitchen, like it was going to bite him.

Bruce furrowed his eyebrows, while the corners of Dick's mouth twitched with laughter.

Damian's hands were put on his hips, while he muttered to himself, “No, I'm not taking them. I don't need cookies.” He shook his head in denial, not leaving the box out of his sight. “But I don't know, if I even like them. I'm not even hungry. Maybe one for later.” He took one out of the container and turned to the stairs, when he saw his company standing in the hallway.

Bruce lifted an eyebrow at him, while Dick pressed his lips together, tilting his head.

Damian's eyes first rounded in shock before he clenched his jaw, giving them his signature glare. “Don't you dare, tell anyone about this.” With that he ran up the stairs, the cookie safe in his hands.

Dick chuckled, calling out to his brother,” Whatever you say, Little D.”

[gigi-sinclair]

Just a Little More Than I Wanted To Know, rated T

Based on THAT gifset of @mmcnulty’s. Yes, that one. Content warnings at the end if you have concerns. 

Edward had a boyfriend.

John didn't mind that, of course. He was religious, but that didn't make him a homophobe, or a prude, and Edward had been his friend since childhood. John wanted him to be happy.

On a practical level, things had been a lot tighter, budget-wise, since George moved out to live with his pregnant girlfriend. John and Edward had talked about looking for a new flatmate, but that would mean John giving up the flat's third bedroom, which he was currently using as a home studio for his watercolour painting. If Edward's boyfriend moved into Edward's bedroom, John reasoned, John wouldn't have to give up the studio, and they would still get a little extra income each month. Enough that John might not have to resort to Bombay Bad Boy Pot Noodles more than once a week.

And John liked the boyfriend. Tom, he was called. A bit younger than Edward, he worked at a swanky menswear shop in Mayfair, the kind of place where you had measurements taken and everything looked like it belonged in your granddad's closet, if your granddad was a wealthy hipster. He and Edward met when, on his way to work, Tom was knocked over by a bike messenger. Or would have been, had the passing Edward not stepped in and caught him at just the right moment.

“Sounds like something out of a romantic comedy,” John commented, when Tom told this story. Tom was holding Edward's hand and gazing into his eyes. “Or a nineteenth century novel.”

“My Byronic hero,” Tom agreed. Edward, who had never shared so much as a meaningful glance with any of his previous partners in John's presence, looked back at him and, to John's utter astonishment, kissed Tom on the mouth. It went on for some time. Long enough, in fact, that they were still making out when John came back with his Pot Noodle and put up his feet to watch the Aston Villa match on his laptop.

Tom obviously loved Edward. The feeling was clearly returned. Tom was at their place nearly all the time anyway. They might as well make it official. I'll talk to Edward about it tonight, John decided, retrieving the bills from the postbox and climbing the stairs to their flat.

If life was a movie, John later thought, this was the point at which the soundtrack would have begun a slow build-up of suspenseful strings, a hint that horror was just around the corner. In reality, thanks to a headphone-wearing girl on the Tube who would likely be stone deaf by the age of thirty, John was humming the lightly blasphemous “Good as Hell” when he slipped his key into the lock and stopped in his tracks.

Edward was standing in the kitchen. Unfortunately, the open floorplan, which had seemed such a boon when they first found the flat, meant his position was clearly visible from the front door.

“Edward!” The name slipped out before John could consider other, wiser alternatives, such as immediately moving back to Scotland, although he hadn’t lived there in decades, and never communicating with his longtime flatmate and even longer time friend again.

“Oh, fuck!” was Edward's immediate reply. To be fair, the crudeness did fit in with his current wardrobe aesthetic, which could best be described as “dishevelled, half-naked schoolboy.” For a moment, John wondered where Edward had found the school tie and blazer, the only articles of clothing he was wearing. Then he realized they were Edward's own, from when the two of them were in sixth form college.

John wasn't sure whether that made this scenario better or worse, but he had to concede, it was impressive Edward could still fit into a jacket he'd worn at eighteen, even if the sleeves were a little short.

“Now, now, Mr. Little,” another voice came through Edward's bedroom door. It sounded like Tom, if Tom had stepped from the set of a lower-rated porn video. Not that John would know anything about porn, poorly rated or otherwise. “You know what happens to boys who swear, don't you?”

Even as Edward's face turned pale, John made the instant decision to pretend he had gone as deaf as that girl on the Tube.

“I thought you were working late tonight,” Edward said, his tone strangled.

“That's tomorrow.”

“Shit.”

John felt himself begin to pale a little, too. “Listen, Edward, I...”

Then Tom appeared in the bedroom doorway.

John wouldn't have expected his lacy black panties, although now that he'd seen Edward dressed as a naughty schoolboy, John didn't think there was much that could shock him in terms of attire. The table tennis paddle in Tom's hand was a little astonishing, given John was reasonably certain there wasn't the space for a table in Edward's bedroom.

“John!” If Edward was deathly pale, then Tom was rapidly turning the colour of a ripe summer tomato.

“I was just leaving.” John turned. He heard Tom call something out after him, an apology it sounded like, but it didn't matter. John fled as fast as he could down the stairs and back onto the street, only stopping to catch his breath when it became obvious neither of them was pursuing him. Well, John told himself, they aren't exactly dressed for it.

A laugh rose up inside him. He tried to force it down. He thought about the suffering of Jesus, the frailty of mankind, all the usual things, but it wasn't sufficient. The laughter exploded loudly enough for a passing woman with a dog to look at him like he was insane.

Maybe I am, John thought. But Edward was his best friend, Edward loved Tom, and John really, really loved his home studio.

He pulled his phone from his pocket. Text me when I can come home, he wrote to Edward. Emojis were not John's forte, but he added a little smiling face, because he knew Edward, and Edward would be dying of humiliation at the moment. Then, We should talk about Tom moving in. With, naturally, a few ground rules about proper attire in the common areas, and a copy of John's up-to-date work schedule posted on the fridge at all times.

He sent the text, not expecting a reply for a while, and headed to Waterstones for a cup of tea at Café W and a browse through the art magazines.

Now that his studio was going to be permanent, John had a lot of projects he wanted to pursue.

CW for implied spanking, implied age play, and explicit embarrassment. For @theterrorbingo square [accidental] exhibitionism.