#I want to play rdr2 so bad but I have not been able to in the last 2 weeks amd I'm going insane

[ttec77]

Javi Escuella

I'm back, college is kicking my ass. But hey, I started playing rdr2.

[softrozene]

New Relationship with a Male S/O

Anon asked: Just read what you have written so far and it's pretty awesome! May I get some headcanons for our dear Abigail or Sadie and how they would be in a new relationship with a male s/o? i love those gals and would love to see your take on it but of course it's up to you 😄

rdr2 masterlist

Since I briefly mention a bad state of mind and bad relationships I think I should remind everyone that you are so very loved. Take care of yourself and remind yourself that you are amazing. You deserve happiness and remind your loved ones the same thing.

Originally published on April 2, 2020

Abigail, Sadie x Male Reader

Warnings: Abigail realizes that she and John were low-key toxic lol, Briefly mentions of Sadie’s past suicidal mental state, besides that fluff and healthy relationships.

-

 Abigail Roberts-

Starting a new relationship with you, makes this girl think like crazy

She and John have been in a relationship for so long that she truly thought that they were “Married”

It’s only after she breaks things off with him and leaves the gang for the sake of Jack does she realize how unhealthy this is

Sure they had their sweet love-filled tender moments but in general, their relationship wasn’t healthy

The way she constantly yelled or berated him and the way he would push her away, try to cheat on her, and yell back

It definitely wasn’t healthy especially for Jack since John neglected and practically denied the kid’s existence

Then you step in the picture and make her realize this even more

Someone who genuinely wishes to know her and love her? She is shocked

Even more so when you genuinely want to get to know Jack and play with him like he’s your own son

Not only does she need this but Jack does. He needs this healthy relationship with a father-like figure, something he never got from John

If she thought she was smitten before she is ready to tie the knot know, especially if Jack starts calling you papa

You and her work hard to get the ranch of your dreams and all is pretty good

She does have her moments where she feels like you’ll end up like John but she never mentions them

Her newfound trust and love in you is what keeps her sane and able to ignore the moments she wants to think about John

You constantly wish to know her dreams and if she needs anything. You do the same for Jack and encourage him to be himself and not like some outlaw like the gang tried to do

Arthur would approve of you and that thought makes her all the more confident in this relationship

I imagine the one moment where she does end up not believing in you is if she were to get pregnant

The moment she realizes she is pregnant she holds back on telling you. She fights with herself until the logical side wins and with faith that you won’t leave her, she tells you

After your beautiful child is born and you go into town to get supplies this is the moment she will fall apart

The second she believes you take too long she will be a crying inconsolable mess

She will be believing that you left her and her children like John had done when Jack was born

The moment you step through the door she will both yell and throw things at you before being filled with relief or she will just hug you in a deafening silence

You will sit her down and wait until she opens up about her past relationship and she will because her confidence in you only grew after you came back

After sharing all her past concerns she will be grateful that someone like you exists to show her and Jack (and the newborn) a healthy relationship

 Sadie Adler-

Sadie thought she was going to die alone

She had no idea or plans to ever fall in love again after her husband Jake was murdered

The thought of falling in love or even giving someone else the time of day made her absolutely sick to her stomach

After the Van Der Linde Gang fell apart and making sure the Marston family got away she continued on her quest of taking dangerous jobs for the risk of something happening

No, she wasn’t suicidal anymore (She just turned into an adrenaline junkie) and certainly wouldn’t care of something did happen to her on a job

She just never wanted to feel weak ever again and that wasn’t ever going to happen

Well until you came along, you made her weak in a sense she couldn’t identify

You had to be the first man who didn’t care if she was a woman taking on bounty jobs like this

You barely even glanced at her while all other men would snicker or ogle her (then probably get shot by her)

You simply knew when a job was too big and asked for her help after hearing she was one of the best

You placing confidence in her was probably the start of it, especially after complimenting her without any suggestive hints or derogatory words

I imagine you two would end up being job partners and that is how she realizes she likes you in a similar way she loved Jake

You had potential and something no other man beside Jake can make her feel

Though being partners you would definitely mention her reckless behavior resembling a lot of suicidal missions

She won’t deny it but instead tell you her past story if you want to know

Once she tells it, her behavior makes sense

She’s a shell of a woman she despises for letting everything get taken away from her and honestly, you admire her strength and will to keep going on

You would work hard with her to help her stop being reckless so that she is more cautious on missions

Stating you care for her and don’t want anything bad happening to her, well it does something to her

She would fight down to her bones to reject these feelings until you show genuine concern and the need to know what’s wrong

It’ll take a while for her to accept her feelings but once she does she’ll admit them without any shame

To which you would be happy to know the feeling was mutual

Thus starting the new relationship- Sadie would be awkward but also confident at the same time

She of course lets you know that she will not go back to that person she once was, the “lady” and she grows happy when you say you don’t want her to

So the two of you share a long journey of bounty hunting until she avenges Arthur

After that, you or she will have to suggest on settling down (of course no kids, maybe Sadie once upon a time wanted some but she doesn’t anymore)

She would either want to settle down in an entirely new place or somewhere close to the Marston’s so she could be close with Abigail

Either way, you and she split the chores as she did with Jake (She will let you hear her play the harmonica)

And no one will ever tear you apart, she won’t ever let that happen and you knowing that is her number 1 fear with you now refuses to let that happen either

[eldhuug]

omg rdr2 post on my dashboard yay 👀👀👀 *starts kicking legs off the edge of my seat* PLEASE tell me more on how u thought arthur morgans character couldve been done more justice by the singleplayer video game medium, i am genuinely super interested

Alright Anon U ASKED, I have a lot of thoughts about how the medium of videogames can be used to make the story reactive as well as interactive when we're given a guy who's supposed to be a fully formed guy we ratatouille

Now I want to lead into this by saying, these are just my opinions. rdr2 is enjoyed by people with a lot better taste than I, and who wholy enjoyed the experience provided. Some of my favorite artists and dear friends disagree with me, and I love them all dearly for it. I attempt to be concise with my issues, specifically the fact that for a game that is so thematically strong and eager to tell its story, it tends to forget that it is a video game. Now, a story in a video game is differently experienced, and has to be differently told. The cutscenes are also a hard cut between player control and the unfolding story. You, the player, passively watch the enacting dialogue. To me, there isn't any problem regarding the fact that you can't pick speech options to affect how the dialogue goes. We're not supposed to be able to do that, Arthur says the things he says, and while we can affect his actions we do not affect his thoughts. This is interesting, and does make us Arthurs allies in his adventures rather than getting the feeling of having an avatar for ourselves. However, we run into two problems. 1, that dialogue in the game doesn't reflect arthur's actions and causing a disconnect between what we're being told and what we, the player, experience arthur doing. 2. We DO get to pick how arthur acts, and it allows us to pick between good guy nice dialogue, or being a complete raging asshole that mocks and belittles the people around him. You can't create a scenario where the actions the player makes in Arthur's story are supposed to matter, and not have the people around him notice how he changes. Instead of having a sliding morality scale, keeping a tally on what actions were done and in what way, who sees Arthur doing what and remembering how he acted before, commenting on his changing nature for the better or for the worse would have been a MUCH more engaging way to keep track on your characters progression, not to mention it would open for more meaningful camp conversations and build meaningful relationships. This however, does NOT align with the story rockstar are telling, they have a story to tell that isn't open for that level of flexibility, because they have a tale to tell that needs to go down brick by careful brick, in a domino stacked before we were allowed to join in the play, and now we simply have to watch the emerging pattern. I'm not claiming there aren't parts of rdr2 that aren't moving, or heartbreaking and wonderfully performed and paced, but to me, that complete lack of being even a LITTLE engaged in the unfolding events makes it pointless to experience through the videogame format, which is uniquely situated to react to player choices.You do not need to change arthur morgan, but you need to let the actions taken by a player show in a way that is more refined than in the ending scene, or by an openly accessible slider of good boy bad boy when the entire point of this ragtag outlaw band is their tightrope walk of morality, that gets completely undermined by its own karmic system.

Summarizing, I'd remove the pop up of good/bad, let the dialogue of the camp encounters indicate what direction arthur was leaning, as well as letting antagonization be an option arthur could do in scenarios where scaring someone might be a good option to beating them the hell up. allow him to exist within the gray specter in a way that didn't make the player feel directly bad for their actions, and allowing arthur his shades of gray.

[maskedteaser]

hii i just saw the rdr2 matchups you did and i love them AND HOLY SHIT APEX FAN‼️‼️ i love how detailed you are!! love your writing!! so if ur not too overwhelmed with requests id like to make one :3 and honestly if ur doing matchups for apex id love that too there's so little apex ffs, especially x reader </3 no pressure tho!!

anyways as for me. uhh. i don't use labels (aside from being asexual) but am pretty masculine in gender, and my love is for any gender. my pronouns are he/him :3

more about me,, im vegetarian, my favorite animal is the octopus, im chronically ill & disabled, which means i have chronic pain and have pretty bad sleep (literally writing this at 10 am after not being able to sleep all night) but despite that i have a weird paradox where i am kinda strong? like i can pick ppl up. but can't have much activity for a long time lest i cast spell 200 bpm on myself. but for the sake of the ff i could totally bench press arthur morgans 180lb of pure muscle. its true <3

in apex i main wattson and bloodhound! but i also like crypto, octane ofc (who doesn't), loba, and... im sorry.. wraith 😭 i got wattsons heirloom after. a very long time of opening packs AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH no regrets!! french girl with giant nessie plush!!!!! tho i haven't played in forever (and honestly may keep it that way with how much they're nerfing bloodhound.. like.. c'mon man.. not my main.. they've already been nerfed so much 😭)

i recently started playing rdr2 cause im visiting family that has it (theres actually been a lot of funny stories being on an unfamiliar console, like playing 22+ hours and reaching chap 2 without knowing how to save.. and i didnt know how to tell arthurs weight so i kept him underweight for so long my poor starving man </3) after playing rdr1 quite a bit. i also vibed with john hard in 1 but i lowkey thought he was an angsty young adult in rdr2 and not a FATHER. my favs are arthur and javier tho i can barely see the latter cause where tf is he on the map?? same with charles where IS HE??? but anyways i also vibe so hard with kieran.

tho i could talk forever about my interests, other than that for personality: id describe myself as actually kinda confident around strangers, i love to compliment ppl i come across. for friends, much of the same, i like using improv as humor if that makes sense, ive been told im easy to talk to, i consider myself intuitive (also contributed to me being a tarot reader i believe), but i am the type to have a veeerryy hard time expressing negative feelings im having, and never crying in front of people, so no shortage of bottling emotions. im also rather rigid on cleanliness and WILL start tweaking if me/my space goes too long w/o cleaning. i really, really care about people (i would want to be a paramedic!! if my body could allow it..) and i so want to make peoples lives better!! but also can rather easily stop people from walking over me, should they try. i care about kids a lot, and get very peeved when other ppl dont know how kids brains work and mistreat them because of such, and cause they just have no respect for children. honestly with thinking like.. about formulating matchmaking requests i never really seem to think about what id want out of a person. honestly, just when someone cares (wow, such high standards) but should the time come, mmmost times im not afraid to make a selfish ask. most. maybe. sometimes. and im very, very empathetic and it SUCKS i take psychic damage every time someone even remotely, even HYPOTHETICALLY feels bad. this is not a virtue.

for hobbies, i like to play video games as you may have guessed, i also like to read (non fiction, classic lit and danmeis especially), make art of all kinds but mainly physical sketches, and im always looking to add more shows/movies to my watched list.

i love to visit restaurants and cafes and interesting places surrounding food!!! my idea of a good time is eating with people, even if its in a crappy chuck e cheese. i love to try new foods (but it's a bit hard since becoming vegetarian), and i love matcha! i also love visiting just interesting places in general. why go to disney when you can see a beautiful spot in nature, or an art exhibit, or a park, or just the lively downtown? but other than that, i love my dedicated space 💗

i dont like rude people. mean people. people mean to kids and animals. bigots. assholes. any synonym for that. but honestly, not much else. there are other things that sure tick me off but can be pretty easily taken care of or compromised for.

i hope i didnt write a damn essay. half of it was geeking out over interests but. im guessing the brainrot is shared. but thank you so much for even reading my request this far!! (*˘︶˘*)

hii! sure thing! i love doing matchups especially when you guys give me lots of details :) let's get to it :) THIS IS NOT PROOFREAD!!! I'M REALLY SORRY FOR ANY MISTAKES!!!

okay, first things first - let me tell you why I didn't choose other characters :)

❝ im chronically ill & disabled, which means i have chronic pain and have pretty bad sleep ❞

Well, I need to be honest with you, I believe that despite your strenght, REVENANT would just make fun of your disability, he would NOT care at all, he'd probably pick on you and be REALLY rude. I hope it's not offensive (i'm sorry if i'm insensitive, it's not my intention), but I know he'd want to offend you. You could actually have a good hate-ship (if you know what i mean), where the only thing you guys do is fight with each other but I don't think that's what you want.

❝ im also rather rigid on cleanliness and WILL start tweaking if me/my space goes too long w/o cleaning. ❞

I'm sorry, have you seen OCTANE'S room? Let me remind you of that...

Can you see what is happening on his floor? This guy would probably drive you insane with how messy he is and I know he wouldn't care if you tried to ask him to clean it up... It would probably lead to many arguments and fights between you :(

❝and im very, very empathetic and it SUCKS i take psychic damage every time someone even remotely, even HYPOTHETICALLY feels bad. this is not a virtue. ❞

I have this feeling that Loba would see you as an easy target to manipulate, she'd think that she could use you after seeing that you feel really bad when someone feels bad, so she'd probably talk about her past a lot around you - trying to make you feel like you need to help her with everything. I doubt that it could work out :( I hope you see my vision and I'm not weirdly delusional with my ideas.

BUT NOW FOR A RESULT... (NGL I HAD A BIG PROBLEM WITH THIS ONE SINCE YOU SEEM TO BE A GOOD MATCH FOR AT LEAST 2 LEGENDS, BUT I DECIDED TO PICK...)

VANTAGE

I feel like you and Vantage could have a really good relationship! You both seem to aim high with your ideals and I just think that you both are really empathetic, a little bit emotional even... You share the love for animals. She has her Echo and she'd probably die for him. Vantage would never let any animal be mistreated when she's watching.

" why go to disney when you can see a beautiful spot in nature, or an art exhibit, or a park, or just the lively downtown? " - I think she thinks exactly the same! She seems to be a big fan of nature and she is an explorer. Born on a cold planet where everything wanted to kill her, she knows that nature can both be beautiful and deadly. She is also really nice, and I think that when she gets closer to someone, she actually CARES, like...A LOT. You'd probably be treated really well. I think that Vantage would be really patient when it comes to you and expressing your feelings, she'd never let you just walk away if she saw that you were upset, I think that communication and trust is a priority in every relationship.

She'd listen to you when you tell her that you have chronic pain and she'd do exactly the things you ask her to do, always trying her best to help you and she'd make sure you're not pushing yourself too hard.

Thank you for reading 👽👽👽

[thorne1435]

I have officially finished Red Dead Redemption Remastered. And uh...

Closing thoughts? I'm never gonna play that game's story again!

The only good parts were at the very beginning and the latter half of the third act. When you get to Mexico, the game has already been in such a rut, and it only goes lower. You thought you were at rock bottom, but then you get to what feels like the most racist story you've ever heard, and yet...I can't even tell you why I feel that way about it. The Mexico section, what I'm calling "Act 2", is...so bad. So very, very bad. Like, South Park level politics and humor. It's atrocious.

And then when you go back to the US, it maintains that same fucking style until suddenly it dumps a bucket of ice water over your head and OOPS, no more time for sexism or jokes about eugenics, or vaguely stereotypical Mexicans. You're playing a gritty western again. Time to hear commentary on the nature of redemption, the law, and justice.

I give it a uh...6/10. Overall. I almost put it down forever in Act 2, and the controls are just shit. I also wouldn't consider it a remaster because it's very obviously just the same fucking game. They didn't polish any part of it, it looks and plays exactly the same, as far as I can tell, as someone who only has 2nd-hand experience with RDR. You can just get it on Nintendo Switch, now. So, y'know, it's not really "Red Dead Redemption Remastered" it's more "Red Dead Redemption Re-released." and I wasn't a fan of that, personally, because I was expecting more. But it's cool to have been able to play the game.

Don't buy it. The sequel is better. Just play RDR2. That's what you really want.

[ptrckjcne]

📖📚

Alright spill XD...

I hope your traveling goes well and that there aren't many delays/problems ❤

put a version of the book emoji in my inbox, and i'll tell you the plot of a fanfic i haven't written, but want to write!

ah thank you! apart from being at the airport far too early, it's literally been all smooth sailing with travelling here, so i'm hoping the rest of my trip goes just as smoothly!

now, onto these fics ... two emojis means you get two ideas (sorry i don't make the rules, i just concoct these crazy ideas)

okay for the first one, i've been playing far too much red dead redemption and i'm not even sorry about it

outlaw!steve. he's ruthless and cold. he robs people, he shoots before he speaks, and he's the most trusted of his gang. he's not the leader, but literally no plan is made without steve being involved, and no plan is executed without steve leading the troops.

however, one time this grand plan of robbing the nearby saloon goes bad (if you've played rdr2, think the end of chapter two, which leads to the van der linde gang having to leave horseshoe overlook) and the gang scatters, having agreed that if something goes wrong, they split up to make it harder for law enforement to catch up with them.

steve is injured, he's shot and he's got a dislocated shoulder, and he's not doing too well when his horse takes him to this ranch – and you guessed it, introducing rancher!danny. he's got a pretty peaceful ranch life; he's got some horses, some cattle, and he's got his ranch dog, eddie. what he wasn't expecting was for a wounded and bruised outlaw, who most definitely has a bounty over his head, and his stressed out mustang to come crashing into their lives.

and it'll be a little cliché, because as danny manouvers coping with steve and the way the outlaw is used to sleeping in a tent, and change camps every week, while still making sure he heals up, and steve learns the pace of the ranch, figuring out that cattle is far from his thing, but the horses he can truly help with, he decides to clean up and offers to help out at the ranch permanently, wanting to pay off his debt to the state and to danny.

and they'll fall a little in love but, yknow, that's life.

a little scene for that comes here:

"look, mcgarrett, there're bounty hunters looking for you all over, what's to say i don't turn you over to them, and make sure i never see your scar-face again?" danny crossed his arms over his chest, the dust from the gravel settling around his boots as he comes to a stop a few feet from where steve was sitting on the steps to the porch, eddie slumbering in the shade behind him.

"what's to say i haven't waited for that to happen?" steve grumbled, rolling his eyes a little, though not being able to hide the wince as he stood up. danny's home-made stitches to the gash on his side had worked, better than anything steve could have done himself, but it still pulled on his skin whenever he moved. "you don't get to live a bad life, the way i have, and have good things happen to you."

danny huffed out a chuckle, turning his head to look towards the horses' pasture, where steve's muscular grullo dun mustang stuck out like a sore thumb next to danny's elegantly built and darkly coloured thoroughbreds. yet, the horse looked perfectly at home – just the way it had looked perfectly normal to see steve sitting on the porch. "well, it's a good thing some of us happens to believe in second chances." he noticed how his words caused steve to go still, the hand that had landed on his saddle slipping from the smooth leather in surprise. "you're not going anywhere, mcgarrett."

then for the second one, well it's kind of cheating for me to put this here, because i actually started writing down some stuff for it on the plane but oh well–

also this has probably been done before? i've read some variants of steve ending in jersey as a kid and meeting danny, but i haven't read exactly this one–

it's steve, along with mary and john, who has to enter the witness security programme after doris' death (she stays dead in this one homies), and they get sent to new jersey, where the agency has got them a good house in a family friendly neighbourhood. steve mostly closes himself off, somewhere between having to leave himself being "the kid from hawaii" in their house on oahu, and john tending extra to mary who's not coping so well with the situation.

but then there's this fiesty next-door neighbour kid, who occasionally climbs out the window of his bedroom, and lounges on the roof with a cigarette when the night sky is draped above their heads, and this is the same kid who makes fun of steve and his bag of football equipment, but still lends him a pencil and covers his ass in class when steve's too caught up in his own mind to pay attention.

turns out maybe this fiesty baseballer, danny, is everything steve needs to get out of his head, at the same time as stella and bridget is everything mary needs to warm up. and this too is a little cliché with two boys finding their way in life and love and all that jazz, and when they finally get the chance to move back to hawaii, steve's not so sure he's ready to yet, because leaving for hawaii would mean leaving danny ... and for the first time since steve was born, he's not so sure hawaii's home anymore.

aaaand a little scene from that:

steve was looking far too at home where he was sprawled across danny's floor, face buried in the pillow he had fallen asleep on mere hours before. "steve, get up you shit," danny huffed, nudging the side of steve's chest with his foot, receiving a groan in return from the teenager on the floor. "we were supposed to practice for this test, not sleep."

"you could just come down here and sleep with me," steve slurred, patting his hand around to find danny's leg and tug on the fabric of his sweatpants. "it's comfortable, i promise."

danny chuckled, thinking it over for a second, before throwing another pillow on the floor, and grabbing a blanket. "alright then, but if my shoulder's sore and i get shit at practice because of it, i'm blaming you." he grinned, wrapping steve's arm around himself, enjoying the comfort of the taller boy as he enveloped himself around steve. "if my parents find us like this, i'm blaming you."

he felt steve's lips split into a smirk against his hairline, the soft puffs of steve's breath tickling against his neck. "that's a risk i'm willing to take."

[x-nephophile-x]

15 Get to Know Questions

I saw @fereldanwench do this and wanted to fill it out for fun! 1. Are you named after anyone?  My mom named me after a baby she used to babysit; my name is not Cas of course, its a pseudonym I use for social media.

2. When was the last time you cried? Like full-blown unhappy tears? Uh, last week. My one family dog passed.

3. Do you have kids? No, and I don’t want any, but as I’m getting older, I’m considering it.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?  So much. I use text tone notes though if I’m writing, or say I’m being sarcastic to people like my mom who doesnt get it lol.

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?  Usually physical traits, like colored hair, eyes, and brows. I’m very hyperaware so I’ll notice the way they sit or if they feel left out in a conversation. I feel like I’m very aware of people’s moods as I can usually spot if people are less happy than usual or something is bothering them.

6. What’s your eye colour?  Green.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?  I really enjoy happy endings! I like scary movies but not gore fests. Psychological thrillers screw with me too much anxiety wise. But slashers are fun and so are paranormal films. My favorite horror film is the 2006 Silent Hill or They/Them. 

8. Any special talents? I can do that one yoga pose where you throw your legs over your shoulders and balance on your hands and have been able to do it since I was 5. I’m also double jointed in most of my body, most notably my hands.

9. Where were you born?  Pittsburgh.

10. What are your hobbies?  Projecting onto fictional characters, liking morally gray or bad fictional men, being a raging bisexual. I write fanfic and play the same twenty games.

11. Have you any pets?  4 dogs now that one passed. Two small, two big, all are elders except for the one big who is 3.

12. What sports do you play/have played? 

I was never much of a sports person. I like watching hockey occasionally during the play offs mostly but other than that, never played anything outside of gym. I did do color guard and dance for several years though.

13. How tall are you?  4′11 /  149.86 cm

14. Favourite subject in school?  I always enjoyed English, Reading and History. I’m in college taking several history electives for fun. I love learning new things and I always found reading assignments fun as it encouraged me to explore new stories.

15. Dream job? Youtube, actually. I want to start doing it but I have no ideas for content. Like I said, I play the same twenty games, Bioware and Bethesda titles mostly, so I have no real ideas since I’m not a horror fan nor do i play most triple A title games aside from the occasional like A Plague Tale (Did that count as a Triple A game?? The second one did for sure right?) And RDR2. I would probably love to do some Sims content and Bethesda game challenges though! No pressure tags! <3 @travelbystarlight @the-delicate-disaster @thebookwormgal and @themechaneer

[madmaddie351]

Reflecting on my Past Works

While I am proud of many of my works, there are some works that I find as turning points in my writing. I don’t see them as what some might say are “mistakes”, just a steppingstone in my style of writing. Some works of mine occasionally go beyond what I am able to write, leading to their unfortunate ends. And while it is sad and unfortunate that some ideas don’t flourish or turn out the way I hoped, that doesn’t mean they are bad. They are the beginning of my writing journey and certainly won’t be dead in my eyes. They are reflections of what I can do and what I can become! Here are some works that I reflect on and why they ended up in the position they were in:

+ Dragon Age: The Trespasser Series

Back when I was into heavily into the Dragon Age fandom, I wanted to write a story about a woman who would be romanced to Varric Tethras, a mage whose magic was basically nature itself and a voice that sung stories unheard. I got all the way until midway through the second installment of the series and I unfortunately have not gone back. While I had a story, from beginning to end, I found it difficult to write it in a more organized form, leading to a jumble that was more chaotic than a writer's block. It has not been updated since and I have the hopes that once Dragon Age Dreadwolf came out, I can continue the series with renewed motivation. But that is uncertain as of right now. The series now sits in silence, waiting to be brought back to life.

+ RDR2: The Dandelion

My first red dead redemption story, that began and ended within a year. This story was of a mute girl who was adopted by Arthur Morgan before the Blackwater robbery. It was my first time writing a feral child story and, in my opinion, I did rather well on it. It didn't garner as many hits as my future stories, but it was my first completed story on AO3 and I am still proud of it. It was also one of the first fanfics where I believed that I integrated my OC into the story so well that she may as well have been in RDR2 without taking away Arthur's story. It was an attempt to practice such a feat that it would give me inspiration to write more OC stories. While it had the foreshadowing of a sequel, the sequel was never published due to how happy I was with how the initial story ended. It ended on a note that already told of what happens in the sequel while also not giving away any potential plot or return. This was one of the rare times that I decided that I was happy with how a story ended before shelving it into the AO3 library.

+ Gears of War: Twin Dragons Series

Gears of War is a series I fell in love with upon being allowed to play the gore and shooter action. And from playing the latest games gave me inspiration for a series that is still ongoing! I did have a long hiatus on the third installment of the series, but I am now back into the series with news of potential Gears of War games this year. While I love the series and have focused on keeping it going, there was one thing that I didn't do well compared to The Dandelion. And that was the OC integration. Even now, I feel that my OC has taken the story away from the main characters from the games, while also feeling that I was giving my OC the spotlight because most of it was through her perspective. There are some points in my writing of this series that I feel that my OC was taking too much of the spotlight, but I have yet to change this, in my opinion. Though Marcus has been given more of the spotlight throughout the story. It is still my favorite series that I continue to work on, one that I hope to bloom into its own story with the 25-year-gap given in the canon story!

+ Marvel's Fullmetal Avenger

Not going to lie, this series would have been long if I hadn't been so impatient with the pacing of the story. In a way, I should have made this series into a short as I have been moving towards shorts to avoid cramping my brain too much with all the other storylines I have. This was the one series that I genuinely regret, but not as in that it shouldn't have existed. It was that it was too late by the time I was writing it. I was trying to cram 10 years' worth of Marvel movies into a small series and this ended up being my downfall for the entirety of the series. The pacing is all wrong from production to publishing and it did bother me for a time that I wasn't able to finish. By the time I made the third installment, it basically became a jumble, worse than that of the Trespasser series. Ultimately, I decided that it wasn't worth continuing, deleting the third installment and leaving the first two, as it could pass for an origin story. Now, it is up to the reader to think of what could be.

+ Till Death Do Us Part

This last work I am reflecting on was my first long work (136k+ words). There was a whole series with it by the time I was in the process of writing the first story. But while at the time there was a lot of motivation, in truth it was more of a mask to my grief. By the time I started writing this fanfic on Wattpad in 2017, I was still dealing with a death in the family, a special person that influenced me to work hard and that I looked up to. They got a place in the story and, looking back, this fanfic was more of a grief write than an actual inspiration. It helped me through the years in dealing with the grief, which reading it now showed my grief in the small ways, integrating my childhood, grief, and how my OC reflected my view of the world. I didn't continue the series after the first story, though on Wattpad there was a second installment that was deleted. And as much as I should feel bad for not continuing the series, I find myself seeing it as an art piece of Vincent van Gogh. A grief journey that was masked as a fanfic and a show of my strength to overcome challenges and hardships.

Anyways, these are just reflections as I write more and grow as a writer. It clears my mind when I find myself doubting my capabilities, reflecting on the challenges I faced before and how I overcame them. While I am not (and never will be) the perfect writer, it is always good to reflect when in doubt and find ways to improve. And this doesn't pertain to just writers. Reflecting on past works goes for anyone: artists, actors, celebrities, hobbyists, builders, teachers, etc.

Sorry for the long post! If you made it to the end, thank you and I wish you well in your future endeavors and projects!

[gaaavin]

Edmund Lowry Jr.

Hiya! I've had another idea and wanted to write something for it, too. It’s inspired by / based on that serial killer in RDR2. Feel free to give me feedback or whatever you'd like. Anyways, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it!

Pairing: Arthur Morgan x gn!reader

Words: 4.9 k

Summary: You thought it'd be an easy job with a nice prey at the end of the evening, until everything took the wrong turn.

Warnings: angst, mentions of torture but nothing too graphic, kidnapping, thoughts about death but with a happy ending

Finally, some green around you. That was your first thought, after you and the whole Van der Linde gang had arrived in Horseshoe Overlook. It was a lovely camp with a beautiful view. You sure could stay here for a longer period this time, hopefully. The constant moving took a toll on everyone just as much as the running from the law. Before finally settling into your current camp, all of you had to flee from Blackwater. A job there had gone terribly wrong and there was talk about Dutch losing control and shooting a woman. You hadn’t been there at that moment but you just couldn’t imagine that something like this would ever occur. The Dutch you knew would never harm any innocent folks. This escape resulted in an overhasty departure for the mountains – Colter had been the place of refuge up there. It was cold and you almost had no supplies. You generally liked the cold weather and snow but the storm up there you all had to endure was way too much to enjoy it at all. For now, though, you tried to push the negative thoughts away, instead concentrating on your new surroundings.

About a week after all things had been unpacked, you decided to go into the nearest town – Valentine. Dutch was right about all of you needing money urgently and you of course wanted to contribute, too. You saddled your mount up and rode out, but not before telling Karen where you wanted to go. “I’ll check, if I can find anything interesting in Valentine. Do you need something from the store while I’m in town?” you asked her. Her response coming promptly. “Some candies would be nice, would make these days here a lot more enjoyable.” As she concluded her answer, she winked at you earning her a small laugh on your part. After nodding, you spurred your horse and went into town.

The first thing you noticed was the smell, even before you entered the city at all. The second thing was the auction yard. Well, that explains it. No wonder it smells like horseshit everywhere around here, you thought as you entered the city. The people seemed friendly towards you, greeting you here and there. Although, you knew that you shouldn’t get on the town’s bad side. Some of the guys from your camp had caused trouble in the saloon some days ago and let’s just say that they aren’t as welcome in there anymore.

One of the boys was Arthur, your- well, you didn’t know what exactly the two of you were. Back in Blackwater your friendship slowly turned into something more intimidate, even romantic, with it peaking one drunken night around the campfire when you shared your first ever kiss. The sparks flew through the air and you felt like you were on cloud nine, being the happiest you had been in months. Since then, though, it felt like Arthur was avoiding you. Or maybe you were just imagining things. After all, you two hadn’t had much time after all the fighting, shed blood and the running after that. You had a special bond with Arthur like you’ve never had with anyone before – even before your relationship went to some sort of next level. You could communicate without words, understanding the other in more than one precarious situation. Currently, Arthur was away to get Sean back from those bounty hunters – that’s at least what John had told you earlier. You tried to push the thoughts of Arthur to the back of your head, trying to focus on the task at hand – find a lead or somebody to rob.

As you finally arrived at the saloon across the gunsmith, you hitched your horse and entered the facility. You were greeted with warm, liquor-filled air as you headed towards the bar, letting your eyes wander around. Drunk men were an easy prey. Before leaving camp, you had put on nice clothes, that were quite revealing. For you, that was the best way to gather information about anything or to rob someone. You mostly played either the damsel in distress or someone looking for some night company and most of the men fell for it every time, letting you close enough for you to relieve them of their valuables or information. Either was welcome.

After some time, your eyes landed on a stranger, that was looking directly at you. Bingo! You tried to approach him with your best smile. “Hey stranger.” You said, earning you a small smile from him. He had something odd to him. You couldn’t pinpoint it exactly, but something about him put you off and gave you goosebumps all over. For now though, you tried to ignore your gut feeling. You were experienced in the things you did on an almost daily basis. Even if he could possibly be some sort of danger for you, you would definitely be able to defend yourself. After all, it wouldn’t be the first time some drunk feller had inappropriate thoughts about you.

“Hey there.” He grinned at you. As you took a real first look at him, the thing you noticed right away were his eyes. You were a firm believer that the eyes displayed the door to the soul and his were just so… dark. Not just the color but also their aura. They had a strange glint to them and there was something deeper hiding behind them. Something bad maybe? Nonetheless, you offered him a drink and ignored your gut feeling again. After all, you wanted your camp members to have something to eat or rob in the future. “You seem lonely tonight. May I offer you a drink and maybe my company?” you asked him while fluttering your lashes. He seemed to think about his response for a moment, before finally saying. “Sure, that would be very kind of you. Thank you. Name’s Edmund Lowry Jr. May I ask yours?” You smiled innocently at him, before telling him a fake name.

Unfortunately, Mr. Lowry declined every further offer of you to buy him another drink. It would make things definitely more complicated if he didn’t want to get drunk. Quickly thinking of a plan B, you ultimately decided that you could just knock him out with the revolver hidden under your clothes if you’d be able to lead him to a more secluded area somewhere outside. He had told you earlier that he was a rich man and owned some land outside of Valentine, so the prey was too rewarding to not at least try to rob him. Although your plan was pretty dangerous, you put it into action by asking him if he’d mind joining you for a small walk outside. “The air in here is really getting to me and I think I need some fresh, new air.” He grinned almost devilish at you, before offering you his arm to lead you outside.

Taking a stroll in the streets, you tried to steer him towards the stables. This terrain was secluded enough for you to hit him and flee without causing much of a scene or getting caught. He guided you towards the fields in the back of the stables, let go of your arm and took a step forward, facing the wide area behind Valentine. This was your moment. With his back to you, you reached under your clothes to grab the revolver but just in that moment he turned rapidly around and pointed towards the theatre. Out of sheer shock your revolver slipped from your hand. Damnit! You tried to drown out the clattering of your weapon with an awkward cough. “My dear” he started and you turned around to follow the direction of his finger. You now stood one step ahead of him and couldn’t see him. “Would you like to visit a show with me?” In that moment you heard him shuffle behind you. Bewildered, you turned around and everything went black.

Arthur came back to camp after successfully rescuing Sean from those bounty hunters in Blackwater with Charles, Javier and Trelawny. He was dead tired and just wanted to eat something and go straight to bed. As he dismounted his horse, he went directly to get some stew and grab a bottle. Along his way, he was greeted with a well done here and there. Arthurs eyes wandered around camp, searching for you but you were nowhere to be found. It wasn’t strange for you to be absent; you often went to look for jobs and therefore were away for some days. Nevertheless, he was a bit disappointed to not be able to talk to you. The both of you hadn’t really had the chance to properly speak, especially not about your situation. He was so goddamn afraid of what was to come, of what you had done to him – he had opened his heart for you unwillingly and wasn’t sure if he could handle another proper relationship. What if you left him? What if one day you woke up and decided that he wasn’t what you wanted anymore. He couldn’t deal with another heart break.

After Arthur finished his stew, he went directly to bed. This night a welcome party for Sean was set to be celebrated and he just wanted to close his eyes a little bit before that. After some hours of more or less peaceful sleep – after all the party was being prepared and people were rummaging everywhere in camp – Arthur finally got up and let his eyes wander around camp in search for you again. “They aren’t here. Karen told me earlier.” Arthur looked to his left from where that characteristic voice came from. “Marston.” Arthur greeted him before John continued. “They went to scout for any leads in Valentine.” Arthur furrowed his eyebrows. Was it really that obvious to others? He decided to play dumb in hopes that he’d eventually be left alone. “I don’t know what you mean. Am not looking for anyone.” John smirked knowingly as he countered. “You know damn well what I’m talking about. Don’t you dare to think I’m stupid. I have eyes, Morgan and I know you pretty well.” Arthur sighed, slightly nodding. “Yeah, whatever.”

The celebration was pretty fun. Almost the whole gang was gathered around the campfire, singing songs away happily. These were the times in which Arthur almost forgot that they were actually running from the law. Of course, they had done that before but it never seemed as bad as it was now. Blackwater left a stain on everyone in one way or another, Colter wasn’t much better for regaining strength. His rock, though, has always been you. Since he’s gotten to know you, you always were able to calm him down, ease his nerves and see right through him no matter how inaccessible he tried to appear. You weaseled your way right into his heart. Although your way of life was a dangerous one, he knew deep down that you two were somehow meant for each other – understanding each other on a level he’s never had with anyone before.

As the night went on, Arthur’s mind always wandered back to you. He just wasn’t able to get you out of his head for even one goddamn night. Soon, he said his goodbyes and went to his tent, writing down his thoughts first before finally retiring to bed. By midday the following day you still weren’t in camp and Arthur started to worry, a bad feeling creeping up on him. Should he go search for you? No one knew how long you’d be gone. But even if you were just at the saloon or wherever it wouldn’t hurt to check in on you. Maybe you two would even be able to spend some quality time together after everything that has happened.

Soon after, Arthur mounted his horse and rode off, shortly after arriving in Valentine. Where should he start to search for you? Maybe the saloon? After all, it was so to say the heart of the town. If here was going on anything, he’d find his answers in there. After arriving at the facility, he immediately recognized your horse. So, they’re here, he thought to himself. Relieved, he finally swung the doors open and headed towards the bar. His eyes roamed the room, but found you nowhere. That struck him odd. You wouldn’t ever leave your horse behind somewhere. Just as Arthur sat down at the bar, the bartender spoke up. “Oh no, not you again mister. I don’t want any more trouble in here.” Arthur sighed, before replying. “I’m not here to cause trouble mister. I’m actually looking for a friend of mine. Have you seen them?” Arthur gave the man behind the bar a brief description of you and looked at him expectantly after he finished. The bartender seemed to think about it for a moment, before saying “Oh my memory isn’t the best, Mister. Maybe a little tip of yours could help it.” Arthur groaned and rolled his eyes while reaching in his bag to throw some coins towards the man behind the bar, adding “Now spit it” with gritted teeth. “Thank you. Well, I have indeed seen them in here. Yesterday they spoke to a man, seemed pretty cozied up, flirting the whole night. They left together, too. Seemed to go towards the hotel.” “Anything else?” Arthur asked. “No, not really. It’s just… That man that was with them yesterday seemed fairly strange. I didn’t have a good feeling with him. I can’t explain it really, but he was rather sinister.” Arthur thanked the man, before heading outside to try and track your footprints. He knew that you wouldn’t go with a man into his hotel room just like that, at least not to actually engage with him. You just weren’t the type for something like this. Hopefully, Arthur could track you down quickly. He didn’t have a good feeling in this.

As you slowly came back to your senses, your head practically screamed at you. It hurt like hell. What happened? You forced your eyes open and although the room was dimly lit, you tried to take in your environment. Where am I? So many questions came crushing down on you all at once as you tried to comprehend what you were seeing around you. While examining your surroundings, your eyes landed on the wall. There were many reports of missing persons. Where the hell am I? Letting your eyes travel further, the next thing they saw was blood. A whole lot of blood. Everywhere. And was that… a corpse in the corner? I need to get out of here immediately. You thought terrified and tried to move, but didn’t get away. You were tied up. God damn it! Your movements seemed to attract the attention of something or someone else in there. So, I’m not alone in here. You didn’t know whether that soothed your nerves or made everything worse. Just in that moment a voice from somewhere near sounded. “Oh good, you’re finally awake.”

Arthur finally arrived near the stables where your tracks ended, your horse in tow as well. Hmm, seems like someone was dragged from here to a horse. He examined the surrounding ground as he suddenly saw something shiny near one of the barrels. As he got closer to the object, his mouth fell slightly agape while his brows furrowed simultaneously. It was your revolver, he recognized it immediately. It had a special engraving he bought you while out in Blackwater. You two had to grab some ammunition for a job beforehand and as you saw the engraving you were thrilled. It looked so pretty. Seeing you all excited, Arthur wanted you to have something nice reminding you of him that you always took with you – no matter where you went. So, it was even more concerning finding it laying here with you nowhere in sight. What happened to you?

You knew that voice. This couldn’t be… Or could it be the man from the saloon? Just as you tried to recall the events from the night before, the man came into sight. You turned your head to look at him, letting your eyes wander from his face further down to his hands. They held something shiny in them. Finally recognizing that it was a huge knife, your eyes widened in shock and you gulped audibly, starring at him blankly. “Lowry.” You managed to get out between gritted teeth, your voice sounding too hoarse to really sound mad. “Welcome to my most favorite place in the world. Save yourself thinking what is about to happen. Now, I’m not going to lie. It’s not going to be nice… and fun. I mean, it will be fun for me, but it won’t be nice for you. At least, no one’s found it nice so far. Maybe you’ll be the first.” Lowry laughed maniacally, before he continued. “Do you like pain? Is it your friend? It’s about to become your very close friend. Very close. But when it’s over…release. Glorious release. Now, there’s no point fighting. You might as well try and relax a little bit.” Lowry approached you slowly, looking almost peaceful while you wanted to scream, scratch his eyes out, just do anythingto escape the upcoming hell awaiting you. As Lowry moved the huge knife slowly closer and closer towards your torso, a thought came to your mind. It was one single thought that hadn’t occurred to you up until now; you weren’t going to make it out alive of here and you wouldn’t ever see your family or Arthur ever again. You were tied up too strong to escape. As the realization hit you, you let your desperate tears fall freely – hopefully he wouldn’t stretch it out too long and you didn’t have to suffer too much.

Arthur had a bad feeling, a really bad feeling about this. Something just wasn’t right. Things weren’t adding up. You’d never leave your two most precious things somewhere voluntarily. Something had happened to you and Arthur was determined to find out what that was, to find you above all. Hopefully alive. He thought to himself but pushed that thought away quickly. He couldn’t stand to think something like this. After all, you could handle yourself pretty well, right? Arthur had seen you many times shoot yourself out of a dicey situation. You were smart, not taking too many risks. But no matter what he knew about you, he knew just as certainly that this time something went the wrong way. He tried to track the hoofbeats up to a door on the ground. Maybe an entrance to a cellar? He thought to himself with his stomach dropping to the floor.

Arthur examined the door closely, eventually discovering the locket on it. He took a steadying breath, before attempting to crack it. His hands were shaking, he was so afraid of what he’d find behind that damn door. Just as he leaned closer towards the door and the lock to start cracking it, he heard a bloodcurdling scream from inside the cellar. Was that your voice? Oh damn, yes, that sounded definitely like you. His first thought was that he’d kill that bastard causing these sounds to escape from your lips. His second thought, though, was Thank God, you’re alive. As he finally was able to enter the room, he could hear heavy panting. He didn’t waste any time looking around, heading straight towards the source of the sounds. As you saw him, your eyes widened, shaking your head frantically. Your mouth was stuffed with some sort of white cloth, so you couldn’t speak to him. This is a trap! You wanted to scream at him. Arthur looked at you with a deep sadness in his eyes – and adoration. You looked like a complete mess. Everywhere on you was blood. Lowry cut along your torso and beat you, resulting in a black eye and a burst open lip. But nonetheless, Arthur had that look on him that he just gave you – a special soft one. It let the tears well up in you even more than before, now crying desperately.

Arthur couldn’t believe it. You were alive, but only barely. You looked like you went through hell and you probably been there for the last hours. How long have you been down here? At that thought, guilt overcame him completely. While he was in camp sleeping, partying with his family, you were being tortured and bearing unspeakable torment. How could he have been so dumb? He should’ve listened to his gut feeling, searching for you earlier. He sprinted towards you and wanted to free you from your bonds, beginning with your mouth. “Are you alright?” He asked you concerned, before looking you up and down for any deep wounds. “It’s- It’s a-“ you tried to answer him, but your throat was sore from all the screaming and the lack of fluids.

Arthur heard something behind him, a slight movement, but enough to cause him to turn around pretty quickly. Too quickly for Lowry, who hadn’t expected that. Lowry stumbled slightly back, hitting the wall with his back. Arthur took advantage of the confusion of his opposer and hit him hard, once, twice. Arthur was so furious. How dare that man to do something like this to you? How dare he touch you at all? All these thoughts were crushing down on him, altogether with his guilt about not being able to protect you. He beat him up, again and again and again. It was almost as if his fists moved alone by now. “Arthur, stop!” He heard your raspy voice, breaking with every syllable and it brought him back to reality. Lowry was knocked out and didn’t move anymore. Arthur shook his head as if shaking all those thoughts off for now. He tied Lowry up quickly, before rushing to you to finally free you for good. As you were finally free, you basically fell in Arthurs arms and just started to cry. It was a mixture of everything – pain, fear, but also relief and gratitude. Arthur helped you up the stairs and lifted you up on his horse. After that he sprinted back to get Lowry and loaded him on your horse and finally mounted behind you in his horse.

The way to the Sherriff’s office was quiet. No one said a word. You were sniffling and resting against Arthurs body with your eyes closed, while he soothingly rubbed circles and held you close so that you wouldn’t slip off his mount. “I’m gonna bring him in and tell the Sheriff where to find that damn cellar and after that, I’ll finally bring you home. Just wait here a second. I’ll be back in a moment.” You nodded slightly, hoping it wouldn’t take too much time. You just wanted to head back to camp and sleep it all off.

After a short time, you heard a shot from the office. Your eyes widened in shock and your heart started to thump heavy in your chest. What was happening in there? After a few moments, Arthur finally came out again. “That bastard tried to kill the Sheriff. I had to shoot him.” You just nodded, sighing relieved, while looking him up and down for any injuries. “I’m fine. Now, let’s get you back home.”

The last few days have gone by in a blur. After you arrived back in camp, Ms. Grimshaw tended to your wounds and you were on a good way. Arthur hadn’t left your side all this time – bringing you stew, a coffee or just keeping you company. He wouldn’t even sleep in his own tent, always staying with you on a chair next to your kot. Today was the first time in days that you felt like you could walk around a bit – and you desperately needed it. Being trapped all those days in camp was making you go crazy. “Arthur, would you mind taking a walk with me?” you asked him. He seemed to contemplate for a moment. Shouldn’t you go easy a few more days and rest? “Arthur, please. I’m gonna go mad if I have to stay here for another day. Just a small walk along the shore. You’re with me, so what could possibly happen to me?” That question stung a bit. He couldn’t protect you before, why were you still feeling so safe with him? Nonetheless, Arthur finally agreed, offering you his arm to support you just in case you felt weaker again.

As the two of you arrived at the little beach, you held tightly onto his arm. You never wanted to let go. Coming to a halt, you two turned to watch the water. So peaceful. “You know...” you started, breathing in and out. “When I was trapped back there in that cellar, I really thought I wouldn’t make it. I thought that the last things I’d ever see would be blood on the walls and that bastards face with that devilish grin. I was so mad at myself for not listening to my gut feeling, for being so goddamn stupid, that I kinda felt like I deserved it. I thought that the last thing I’d hear would be that maniac’s laugh or my own screams. I thought that I’d never see daylight again, flowers, my family or you. Before that happened, I thought you were avoiding me or that you maybe thought that this kiss back in Blackwater was a mistake.” At that his head snapped towards you, watching you intently before you continued. “And I had regrets. Not about the kiss, of course, but about not telling you how I truly felt about you Arthur. I love you; I really do. I couldn’t bear not seeing you again. It broke my heart.”

Tears welled up in your eyes as you thought back to your personal hell, Lowry’s most favorite place as he called it. This thought struck a nerve inside you, his voice echoing those exact words. Your tears started to fall freely by now and a chocked sound escaped your mouth. “I really thought I lost you, Arthur. I thought I lost against him. After all this time running, it would be a failed lead that had the power to end me.” You cried and just couldn’t stop. Arthur embraced you, pulling you tightly against him as if he never wanted to let you go again. While holding you like this, he said. “When I came back from rescuing Sean, I was disappointed you weren’t in camp. When you weren’t there for the welcome party I started to worry. But when I saw your horse outside of the saloon and you weren’t nowhere in sight, I panicked and freaked out. I knew you’d never leave him behind. I was so desperate to find you and just so goddamn afraid. Afraid, I’d never see you again. That I’d lost you while I was back at camp relaxing. I wasn’t able to protect you, eating and sleeping while you were being tortured. That image of you tied up, covered in blood just won’t leave my mind. Maybe if I went to look for you earlier, you didn’t have to endure all this. I couldn’t protect you and I’ll never forgive myself for that and I don’t expect you to forgive me.”

You slightly leaned back to look him in the eyes that were filled with so much sorrow and guilt, it made your heart ache. “Arthur” you began, while cupping his cheek with your hand, the other still holding tightly onto him. “This wasn’t your fault, do you hear me? There isn’t any chance in the world you could’ve prevented this. You know I normally can handle myself; it was a job gone terribly wrong. If anything, you saved me. You saved my life – I owe you my life, Arthur. Don’t you dare put this burden on your shoulders. I never asked you to come along with me, I went alone and I knew that something could happen. Believe me, this wasn’t your fault, not at all. Lowry did kidnap me, not you. He mistreated me, not you. He used his knife to hurt me, not you. Even if you had been there earlier, he still would’ve had more than enough time with me alone. Please believe me when I say, that there is nothing I have to forgive you. And there isn’t anything you have to forgive yourself. You couldn’t have changed this in any way. I should’ve listened to my sentiment. He had something strange about him from the beginning. But he told me that he was rich so I went for it nonetheless. “

Arthur still wasn’t fully convinced, but seemed more at peace – at least for the moment. “I really thought I lost you and I never want to lose you again. Back in Blackwater, I was so damn afraid of what we had but now I can’t get into my head how foolish that was of me. I love you, too, so damn much. And if you’ll still have me, would you want to be mine?” You were smiling through your tears, as you nodded and finally kissed Arthur the second time in your life. This time, though, with more certainty than ever before.

[fangirlapril2004]

Who’s your favorite rdr character and why?

Rdr2 spoiler alert. Also this got long I’m so sorry!!

Wait is it really not obvious who that is..? I thought everyone knew! 💀

Im just messing with you ♥️ my favourite character? That would have to be…. You already know who I’m going to say. Hosea Matthews. Is anyone surprised? No? Okie. I have a lot of stuff on my blog about this so I’ll briefly go over some parts

• Just his impact in the game alone, not many people realise it but he had such an impact on the game and I think that’s why his character is so poetic because personally I didn’t really pay attention to Hosea on my first play through. Maybe that’s just me (I’m bad at paying attention but I’m working on it 💀) but I didn’t realise Hosea’s impact until my 3rd play through of the game. His death was 100% the downfall of the gang and I stand by that, after that point that’s when the game really started to go to shit (as in like the gang falling apart). It was a huge turning point in the game and I mean it’s no surprise why. Dutch and Hosea had been running together for over 30 years, I can’t begin to imagine what Dutch felt when within just a few seconds he had lost his life long partner, his husband friend. (Of course everyone felt the loss but you get what I mean). It was Hosea’s gang just as much as it was Dutch’s, they both lead the gang. Also what I loved about their dynamic is that Hosea could always get through to Dutch, he was almost like the angel on his shoulder. Hosea was there for Dutch to voice opinions to, rant to, ask for advice, Hosea was that pillar for Dutch and without that pillar the construction falls apart without its support. I don’t believe Dutch was a bad man I believe we witnessed him have a true mental breakdown and that breaks my heart every time I play the game. Then Dutch had Micah in his ear and that was no help at all, in contrast to Hosea he was the devil on his shoulder. I think in the end Dutch had no one, hear me out, I say this because of course he had the gang there and some who still believed in him and despite Arthur’s concern we know he would always be there for Dutch. But even with them being there he had no one to talk to, to ask for advice. Him and Hosea had created such a bond and a trust that I think Dutch didn’t ask anyone for help because he didn’t want to show he was struggling nor did he want to be vulnerable with anyone else. He knew he could be vulnerable with Hosea and a bond like theirs could never be replaced. I’m pretty sure he does ask himself in the game ‘what would Hosea do’… I might be wrong on that though I can’t remember. But like I’ve said a million times before Hosea was his compass and like an adventurer Dutch got lost without his compass.

• Hosea is mysterious, we know more about Dutch than we do about him. We know he wanted to pursue acting, he had a sweet love for Bessie (yet we know little about them both and their relationship)… oh he once had a nice saddle but it got stolen outside a saloon near Deer Creek and when he was a teenager he almost got hanged for stealing a chicken… I never understood that one… like all that for a chicken seems a little extreme but welcome to the 1800s I guess. But that’s the point, we’re able to collect these little puzzle pieces if we pay attention but that’s all we get and even then the puzzle still isn’t completed. Hosea is wise, very wise and something tells me that his past may have something to do with that, he talks about how much he regrets his past but I wanna know why he regrets his past, what went wrong, what would he have done different? I want to know it all! I also just truly love how he always kept his love alive for Bessie 🥺

• Hosea is such a kind and genuine character in the game. You don’t even have to pay attention to realise that. Whether you see it through him or it’s because you see how the gang respects him and how he’s always there for the others but either way I think everyone knows Hosea Matthews has a heart of gold. He’s always thinking about others, how can they complete a job without hurting/killing people and his compassion for people in general. He raised Arthur and John, he taught them some of the most valuable life skills like how to read and write, that takes time, effort, dedication and definitely a certain amount of love. Before I forget but I recommend you follow Hosea around camp because his interactions with Jack are adorable!! It melts my heart each time🥺♥️, they read together sometimes or have little conversations and Hosea was the one who made Jack his fishing rod. But back to Arthur and Hosea, even Arthur had a great fondness for Hosea and we get to see that in his journal with even Arthur expressing that he preferred Hosea because he was like a father figure to him. Now I’m not saying Dutch is a bad dad I’m just saying Hosea has that comforting and welcoming presence about him. Dutch is more of a ‘rough tough, rooting shooting’ kinda guy whereas Hosea is more (I’m sorry my English is failing me a little here so I may not explain this right 😅) but I think Hosea is more gentle and has a softer demeanour. If that makes any sense? And I don’t doubt that Hosea was like Dutch especially given his past but I think that may have been what caused him to have a softer approach to things because he’s always had that heart of gold inside of him. But not only was he a father figure to so many but members of the gang know that they can talk to Hosea, we see this a lot in HorseShoe Overlook and Clemens Point, members of the gang will go to Hosea asking him for advice or expressing their concern to him or even just go to him for comfort I guess. That conversation he has with Lenny in Clemens Point is one of my favourites, the speech he made about all creatures being doomed but unlike them, they’ll go down fighting. People would go to Hosea for sage advice because I can’t emphasise this enough but he just has that caring and comforting manner about him. Is it obvious that I don’t have a father yet?💀. You know whatever you say to him will be between you and him only. Members of the gang couldn’t do that with Dutch and I completely understand why. Not to get off topic here but I feel like Hosea definitely gives a good hug, like does he not look like he gives good hugs? Also his sarcasm towards certain members of the gang is elite and I love that. ANYWAYS.

And there’s a little more but I won’t get into that otherwise you’ll be here reading for days 😅. But I think Hosea Matthews is a beautiful and in a sense a poetic character because despite him having an astronomical impact on the game not many people realise it. And like I said, in a way it’s kinda easy to miss all this because I certainly did on my first few play throughs, he’s a subtle character despite the huge impact he has. You know if you asked me this question a few years ago my answer would’ve been Arthur, Dutch, Sadie or John but since paying attention to the game I think it will always be Hosea.

Ha so much for “I’ll briefly go over some parts”, I really need to learn when to stop rambling but I’m afraid that day may never come.

I hope you have a great day anon and again sorry for how long this got <3

[queenxxxsupreme]

Play For Me (Arthur Morgan x f!reader)

A/N: This could be read as a part 2 to Goodbye Kisses but it can definitley be read as a stand alone. This takes place after the events of Blessed Are The Peacemakers mission. Here is my RDR2 masterlist and here is the link to go to if you’d like to be on any of my taglists.

Word Count: 2.0k

Warnings: slight spoilers for chapter 3, pure fluff

Summary: Rarely does Arthur get a chance to play his guitar. So when he’s stuck at camp healing from a bullet to the shoulder, he takes the opportunity to play. 

***

Your eyes flickered around the small group gathered at the fire nearest to Pearson’s wagon. You chewed on your bottom lip when you didn’t spot him among the faces there. 

“Come have a seat with us, Y/N!” Sean patted the empty chair next to him. His words drew everyone’s attention to you.

“No thank you, Mr. MacGuire.” You looked over to one of the tables where poker was sometimes played or where Tilly or Mrs. Grimshaw played dominos. The table was empty. 

“You look lost.” John commented. 

“Just lookin’ for Arthur.” You sighed. “He’s been gettin’ more and more restless with havin’ to stay at camp, especially since he’s been gettin’ better.”

“How is his shoulder doin’?” 

“Still hurts him, but he can move it. I’m sure he’ll have trouble with it the rest of his life.”

“Yeah. Well, I haven’t seen him.” 

“He probably slipped out while you were busy lookin’ the other way.” Bill snorted. “That’s what I woulda done with all you’re nagging.”

“And that is precisely why you haven’t found yourself a nice girl like Y/N.” Karen gestured to you.

“Thank you, Karen.” You smiled at her. 

You excused yourself, turning to make sure none of the horses were missing. Arthur’s horse was still hitched right next to yours, but you knew very well that he wouldn’t take his horse. If he truly had left camp, his horse would be the first thing you’d look for. 

As you were approaching one of the two areas the horses were kept, you spotted Hosea brushing down Silver Dollar.

“Good evening, Hosea.” 

“Ah, Y/N!” He glanced up only momentarily before returning to brushing the horse. “Good evening to you.”

“Have you seen Arthur? I’ve been lookin’ all over for that man and I swear….” You trailed off, shaking your head. 

“Oh, don’t you worry about him leaving camp.” Hosea chuckled, shaking his head. “He wouldn’t dare leave camp before getting the okay from you and Mrs. Grimshaw. I spotted him earlier taking that guitar of his down towards the water.”

You turned your head to look in the direction of the lake. 

“I didn’t even think to look down there.” You thought out loud. 

“How’s he been with having to be on bedrest?” Hosea tucked the brush into a pocket on a saddlebag and buckled it up before moving around to the front of Silver Dollar and rubbing his nose. 

“He did fine at first…. For maybe the first four days. But then he wanted to get up and at least do somethin’ around camp.” You absentmindedly picked at your nails. “He hates not doin’ nothin’. He’d rather be out there gettin’ shot at and startin’ fights at saloons than be here and have me gettin’ after him for not listenin’ to me.”

“Oh, I know. Always made such a fuss when he was younger and he had to act with manners.” Hosea smiled fondly. “But he cares about you. That’s why he listens to you.”

Your eyes met him for a few moments, something inside your chest swelling at his words. Had Arthur told Hosea this? Or was it that easy for Hosea to see?

You looked away from him, tucking a few stray pieces of hair behind your ear. 

“I better go see if he’s down by the lake.” You took a few steps away from him. “Thank you, Hosea.”

“Anytime, my dear.”

***

You found Arthur sitting at the base of the tree that grew near the edge of the water. He sat with his knees bent slightly and his guitar resting in his lap. He wore a pair of jeans over top of his gray union suit. The sleeves of the union suit were pushed up to his elbows. 

As you drew closer to him, you could hear the quiet music coming from the instrument.

Sensing someone was watching him, Arthur turned his head to look back in the direction of camp. He caught sight of you and the look of panic and concern that someone had caught him disappeared. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips. 

“You’ve been hidin’ from me.” You pulled up your skirts just a little so you could sit on your knees. You sat next to him, facing him so you could see him. 

“Just wanted some peace and quiet. Uncle was gettin’ rambunctious. Talkin’ ‘bout how we were like one in the same and best friends now and all that nonsense.” Arthur muttered, shaking his head.

“Oh, he’s just teasin’ you. He knows how easy it is to get you worked up, especially right now when you’re stuck at camp.” You reached up to brush your fingers through his dark blond hair. “Should’ve told me you were playin’. I would’ve come down here with you to listen. You know I love it when you play.”

He looked down to watch his fingers as he strummed the strings. The movements were slow and steady. 

“How does your shoulder feel?” You asked softly.

“Hurts, but I don’t think that’ll go away. Just gotta get used to it.”

“What kind of hurt?”

Arthur thought about the answer for a moment while his fingers worked over the strings of the guitar. 

“Like someone’s takin’ their thumb and pressin’ as hard as they can right on to the nerves in that one area. It doesn’t hurt that bad. I can ignore it. Annoyin’ more than anything.”

“Can I take a look?” 

He nodded and quit strumming the guitar. You reached out to start working the buttons on his gray union suit, but before you could even get to the very first one, Arthur was taking one of your hands and bringing it to his lips. He kissed the back of your hand softly, tenderly, his thumb tracing a circle over the space he didn’t kiss. 

No words were exchanged as he released your hand and let you go about unbuttoning his union suit. You only had to undo the first three buttons. You pushed the shoulder of the suit down enough so you could see the healing wound on his shoulder. There was a bandage over it, but you pulled it aside. 

“How does it look?” Arthur asked, cornflower blue eyes glued to your face. 

“Looks a lot better than it did four weeks ago.” You replaced the bandage and pulled the material of his union suit back into place. 

“Good. Maybe now you can sleep through the night without wakin’ me up to check on me.”

“Oh, I doubt that.” You began to put the buttons through each eyelet in the suit. 

“You worry too much.”

“I’ll always worry too much. You have a nasty habit of drawin’ bad things to yourself, Arthur Morgan. Especially since Dutch has started lettin’ Micah take the lead on things.”

He said nothing. 

Your eyes drifted up from his union suit to his face. 

“How are you likin’ this beard?” You asked, your gaze flickering over the dark beard he was sporting. He hadn’t shaved since before he was hurt, so it had grown out to be much longer than either of you were used to. 

Arthur grunted and brought his hand up to rub his jaw. 

“Need to shave it off. It’s too long.”

“I kinda like it.” You smiled. “Think it makes you fit in with everyone else here. Bill and Uncle and John.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. 

You giggled. 

“Will you play for me for a little bit?” You asked him, moving to sit against the tree beside him. “At least until the sun goes down?”

Arthur shifted his hold on the guitar, turning his head to watch you get comfortable next to him. Though you had asked him if he’d play, you had already made up your mind that you were going to sit there and he was going to play whether his answer was yes or no. 

“Only for you.” He leaned over to kiss your forehead. 

He kept his eyes down, focusing on how he was moving his fingers across the strings. But he could feel your gaze on him, feel your eyes studying the side of his face. 

It was so strange how if it had been anyone else staring at him, his stomach would twist up and he’d get too nervous and mess up. He’d want to immediately retreat to the comfort and safety of his caravan. He didn’t like people watching him too much, and especially not too close. 

But you weren’t staring at him. You were observing him. Your eyes were soft and kind, taking in every little microexpression he made. You were mapping out his face- as if you hadn’t done it a thousand times before. You were admiring him like he was some breathtaking beauty. And it confused the ever living hell out of him. He couldn’t understand how you were so captivated by him. There was nothing special about him. 

You leaned over and kissed the corner of his eye, then when he turned his head to look at you with furrowed brows, you stole a kiss from his lips. 

“You’re bein’ soft on me.” He commented, his voice low and quiet. It matched the beautiful sound coming from the guitar. 

“I’m always soft on you, Mr. Morgan.” You smiled. Your eyes flickered down to the guitar, unable to hold his intense gaze any longer. “I’m…. Arthur, I know you’ve heard it from me a dozen times in the past few weeks…. But I really am glad you’re okay.”

He pulled one hand away from the guitar, making the music stop, and reached over to cup your cheek. He tilted your head up so you had no choice but to look at him once more. 

“Wouldn’t’ve been able to do it without ya.” His breath was warm as it fanned over your face. His lips ghosted over yours and then he kissed the space in front of your ear. “I know it hasn’t been easy for you.”

You pulled away enough to be able to look into his eyes. Your lips parted as if you wanted to say something, but they got caught in a lump in your throat. 

With his brows gently crinkled, he leaned forward to kiss your head. 

“Thank you for bein’ strong for me. I know it wasn’t easy for you to see me like that. All…. All busted up and beat to hell. But thank you for takin’ care of me. Thank you for-for stayin’.”

“I love you, Arthur.” You leaned forward against his lips, shivering under his touch. “Even when I’m scared as hell, I-I won’t leave your side. I couldn’t do it.”

He held his breath for a moment, his hand coming up to the back of your head. Then he chuckled. He moved his head so he could kiss your cheek. 

“Anybody ever tell you that you might be crazy? I mean, fallin’ in love with an outlaw?” 

You giggled softly as his breath tickled your ear, turning your head instinctively. This put your nose into the crook of his neck. You took the opportunity to kiss him on the side of his neck, knowing very well he was ticklish there, and smiled when he brought his shoulder up to his ear. 

“Hey now! That ain’t fair!”

“It was too good a chance to pass up.”

Arthur’s eyes found you, but they didn’t stay on you for long. There was something moving behind you that caught his attention. It was Karen and Sean walking along the shore of the lake. They hadn’t noticed you yet but they were heading in your direction. 

You could sense Arthur tense up and see the look on his face shift from the carefree, tender one only you got to see, to the more hardened Arthur that the rest of camp knew. 

You looked over your shoulder, frowning as you saw the couple idly walking along the shore. 

“Come on.” You patted Arthur’s knee. “Let’s go back to camp and change those bandages.”

“Didn’t you just change them?”

“Yeah, this mornin’. It’s past noon. You need to change them again. We don’t need you gettin’ an infection.” 

He sighed and muttered something incoherent under his breath as he got to his feet.

“You drive me crazy, woman.”

“That is what I’m here for, sweetheart.”

Taglist: @winterwolf @doggone-cowgirl @lauramb7 @caraqas @bluscryn @krenee1drful @zodiacaldust

[vegetalass]

I know you're not around much these days but if you ever decide to make a come back, I dont suppose youd do some HC about the rdr2 guys and times theyve got caught mastyrbating around camp? I love your thoughts so much they're hilarious and cute ☺👉👈

This ask is very sweet and I like the idea so I will do it... thanks for your kind words and making me smile, anon!!🥺❤️😘

Find me at @ihatebnha

Hope you enjoy!! 

-

Arthur 

Used to get caught a lot more than he does now

Because of such, Dutch and Hosea don’t really care on the rare occasion they do catch him just because it was pretty common when he was younger

They laugh about it between themselves 

And when caught, Arthur just pretends it didn’t happen

He’s like, “I don’t touch myself, Jesus, who do you think I am?” 

Or if John jokingly is like, “Saw you the other day, what were you thinking about?” Arthur just plays stupid

Stuff like “See me where?” or “See me what?” 

And if the subject is pushed it turns into fighting (Arthur saying that John isn’t much better)

Arthur thanks the lord every day that Micah has never caught him in the act because he knows he’d never be able to live it down

And if a girl caught him… he’d probably never be able to look them in the eyes again

Probably jacks off being going to sleep or if he’s alone at camp

John 

He has a lot less shame about masturbating, but he’s definitely even more private about the subject than Arthur 

He doesn’t really deny it, but he definitely pulls a “You didn’t see shit!!” Even if the person very obviously DID

Also probably gets caught more than not… It’s just at this point, people have stopped commenting on it 

Dutch definitely jokingly plays the “Poor Abigail…” card all the time

It makes John (and Abigail) sooooooooo mad 

Honestly, I feel like when people catch him, he yells at them but doesn’t bother to stop

Thinks it’s their fault and not his because it was OBVIOUS what he was doing and they still didn’t bother to check or knock

This has caused fights with almost everyone

It’s a “what did you expect” type moment

The only time he’d ever apologize to is if it’s you or another girl who catches him, and even then he would probably never want to see you again out of embarrassment 

Hence why John probably just leaves camp and finds a secluded area to jerk off now(good luck to those who wander away from the fire) 

Charles 

We love Charles because he just jerks it when he’s bathing in a river or something 

Out of everyone, he’s the least likely to get caught, and on the rare occasion that he is, is also the most willing to laugh it off 

I feel like this is because he’s the one who accidentally catches other people so he knows it’s not a big deal

He’s so quiet no one knows he’s there until it’s too late

Gets called a peeper because of this… even though Charles doesn’t want to catch people any more than they want to be caught 

If a girl caught him, he’d try to hide himself before approaching them later to formally apologize 

It’s kinda weird… Just be like Arthur and pretend it didn’t happen babe!! 

If Dutch or Micah ever caught him doodling it, they’d never let it go and tease him until wit’s end

“So Charles is human after all!” is the type of shit they’d say and he’d literally want to pass away

Dutch, Molly hasn’t had one single orgasm the entire time she’s been with you so BE QUIET

Most likely to masturbate when he’s bathing or when he’s away from camp and alone on missions

Micah

Everybody at camp has to pray that they don’t catch Micah masturbating

He has no shame and does not care what people see 

He’s the “What? I have needs!” and “You do it, too!” guy... which honestly, isn’t even bad logic

It’s just when people actually walk in on him he doesn’t really seem bothered… which is kinda freaky

If it’s you or heaven forbid, another girl, he says “Quit staring, either help a man out or leave”

And if it’s Arthur or anyone else, “I knew you were a nasty bastard”

Like… Micah… you’re the one who isn’t ashamed!!! 

Too bold for his own good and eventually Dutch probably has to get involved 

They have one of those “man to man” talks where Dutch is like “Micah… You know… Men… We keep our business in private…”

Everyone at camp pretends they’re not eavesdropping on the conversation

It’s the only time Micah listens to complaints, and even though he forces himself to calm down on the lewd rudeness, he is still jacking it off whenever the urge arises

Rubs one out in his tent whenever he feels like it

Dutch

To give Dutch credit for something, he doesn’t jack off very often 

Partially because he gets down with Molly a lot, but also because he considers himself to have dignity and doesn’t want to ruin that 

The only people who’ve really caught him rubbing one out are Hosea and Arthur, and they probably let it go pretty quick after an apology

Most because Dutch is pretty polite about it 

“A man’s business is a man’s business” or some BS like that 

So when he does masturbate, it’s a calculated and timed move that he makes when he’s pretty sure no one is around

Also willing to laugh it off when he catches someone else masturbating, mostly because he raised two teenage boys, so in a way, he’s used to seeing it on the daily

God forbid is another girl catches him, though, because he’d also pull them aside to apologize

LET IT GO, KING!!! 

Jerks off only when he’s desperate and camp is empty

Kieran

King of bad luck 

I can see him with a pretty low libido, but probably gets caught making juice the first time he tries it at camp

He was lucky it was just Charles who saw, who thankfully, didn’t say anything about it

But still, it scares the absolute crap out of him and his desire to jack off gets even lower than it was already 

Probably stupidly thinks that masturbating is dirty or a sin or something that somebody told him when he was a boy

And if a girl ever caught him, even if they didn’t realize what was happening, he’d just have a heart attack and die

Like he’d literally pack up his stuff and go

Everyone at camp: We’ve all seen Micah twisting it so we don’t care

Kieran: UHHHHH 

Also gets teased by Micah and Dutch for it, except their comments are like “Aw, don’t be shy, be a man!” or “I’m sure you’ll find yourself a woman one day…”

Again, Kieran just passes away

Jerks off when he’s alone with the horses in a field and no one is around

Javier 

Hasn’t been caught yet despite the fact that everyone knows he jacks off ALL THE TIME

Kinda proud of himself for this fact, too 

If it’s the middle of the day and he’s in his tent, he’s busy

Usually can his volume to a minimum, but if he knows no one is around, he doesn’t mind letting it out 

Charles, of course, hears it the one time he’s not on a team mission

He’d definitely not going to stop is someone catches him, but he has the decency to cover himself up

Especially if it’s a lady

We like him because he’s not going to acknowledge it happened later but he will apologize in the moment 

Says some shit like, “Sorry, princess…” jdsfhksd

If another guy tries to tease him for it, he’ll take it in stride and just tease back 

Especially because he knows he’s not as bad as Micah or John who get caught ALL THE TIME 

Prefers to rub one out before bed but he’s not really picky as long as it’s in his tent and he has a way to clean up

Sean 

Everyone’s had a run in with Sean when his dick’s been out 

It’s practically a camp joke that everyone has a story about it

He’s another guy who jacks off when bathing in the river, except he’s:

1. Not secretive about it

2. Bathes all the time

Sean leaves the water hole and everyone knows that they shouldn’t go back in there until the water is washed away 

Pretty vocal, too, so you always sorta know when you should avoid certain areas

The only time he’s ever embarrassed is when a girl catches him

Turns bright red, starts stuttering, looking for anything to cover himself up with while apologizing

That being said, he only feels bad because he feels like he ruined his chances of being friendly with them

Gets teased by the other boys for it but enjoys the attention, plus loves teasing right back

“Oh hush you, you love looking at me,” type stuff 

He’s a lil nasty but he keeps it fun and fresh 

Jacks off before bathing, and sometimes in his tent if he’s desperate or is already clean. 

[fedeipox]

The Way of Time (Rdr2 fanfic) - Chapter 9 (3/3)

Hello again! 

I tried with a little experiment this time. People on Wattpad and Ao3 appreciated that, hope you will too!

Just a little information before you start reading: I won’t be posting this here anymore (I want to focus on Gifs and photos mostly) so if you are interested you can go on Ao3, Wattpad or Fanfiction and you’ll find the rest there. <3

Part 1 here: https://fedeipox.tumblr.com/post/645629699195846656/the-way-of-time-rdr2-fanfic-chapter-9-13

Part 2 here: https://fedeipox.tumblr.com/post/646163870469259264/the-way-of-time-rdr2-fanfic-chapter-9-23

Chapter 9 /3/3) - Getting accustomed

Words: 2,3 k

Emily didn’t waste time. As soon as they untied the horses from the wagon, she run to the girl’s tent looking for Mary-Beth.

“You have no idea what I just discovered!” she almost yelled.

“What?” asked Mary-Beth raising her eyes from Tess of the d’Ubervilles.

“There is a ghost in Emerald Ranch” she whispered kneeling down next to her.

“A ghost?” she whispered back with wide eyes.

“I swear to you, I’ve seen her! She was at the window, and I might know who she is.”

Emily exposed her theory about a young woman, the lover of Mr. Wagner, the ranch owner. She was killed by his husband because of his jealousy and now her ghost didn’t leave the house until midnight, when she used to hunt the entire ranch and scare the other women out of it.

“Wow, this makes a really good story” said Mary-Beth in the end with sparkling eyes.

“Do you want to write it?”

“Can I?”

“Of course! Who knows, maybe one day you’ll be famous for it.”

“That’s the dream” sighed Mary-Beth taking out a little journal and writing a couple of lines.

Emily peeked at it trying not to be noticed, but from upside-down she couldn’t make anything out of it. Mary-Beth had a strange handwriting: small, twisted, with the words really close one to the other.

As soon as she put the journal away, Emily looked around, pretending indifference, and causally her eyes fell on Dutch in the distance, smoking his cigar and watching the camp people at work. 

It was like this that she thought of asking Mary-Beth about the ‘Kieran situation’, no-one better than her to give advise. She told her about her idea of trying to convince Dutch to free Kieran, if only he had done something for Dutch in turn.

“I don’t know” answered Mary-Beth with a shrug, “you should go and ask Dutch in person. Talk to him, he will listen.”

But despite Mary-Beth’s certainty that Dutch would have listened to her, Emily was still unsure. She knew she had to speak with him: he was the boss, the ruler, the one who took all the decisions there, but she had postponed that moment because Dutch’s character intimidated her. There was something in him that pushed her away from him in a resolute way, and, since the beginning, since that moment when she had attacked him because of his camp organization, they hadn’t truly spoken again. 

But Emily knew she had no other choice: she had to face him soon or later, and, after all, it was for a good cause. 

Hi, Dutch. How are you? No, no, what the hell, they saw each other everyday, what a stupid start. Hello, boss! Boss? No, not boss. Just the idea to say that word made her sick. Hi, friend! Friend? What friend? They weren’t friends. Hi, we need to talk. Yeah, right. Like they were a couple and she wanted to leave him. No, no, no. She had to be natural, just natural. Which meant be an idiot and embarrass herself.

“Hey, Dutch. Can we talk?”

...

Dutch narrowed his eyes and nodded slowly. What did she want from him? She seemed nervous. Maybe she had caused some more trouble? Besides, the fact that she wanted to talk with him was strange. Generally, she looked for Hosea when she needed to talk, never for him, because Hosea had that paternalistic way of doing things that reassured everybody. It had always been like that, ever since Arthur and John were young. 

The girl slowly headed to the back of his tent, away from indiscreet eyes, and he followed her.

“I-I… well, I have a proposition” she started and Dutch noticed she was looking everywhere but to him.

“It’s a bout Kieran.”

Dutch breathed deeply but tried anyway not to lose his composure. He didn’t want to clip her wings, even though he knew where she was going.

“I was wandering, if… if he proved himself to you, would you, erm, let him live?”

She looked up at him and it was at that moment that Dutch understood that she cared, she truly cared about that O’Driscoll, and she probably would have done anything in her might to help him. But he still din’t trust him, he could never trust him, he knew Colm’s boys, they were unworthy of trust. Anyway, he was intrigued.

“Prove himself?” he asked.

Emily’s eyes sparkled with hope.

“Yes, yes, like… give something to you, or do something for you. A, erm, loyalty token or something.”

“Uhm… loyalty token. The only thing that I could possibly want from him is his boss hideout.”

Then, Dutch thought about something. It was a very devious thing to do, he was aware of that, but if she was so determined to help, she would have helped, but by following his rules.

“If you are able to convince him to talk, give away this information, I’ll let him live” he said in the end.

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“I can’t” said Kieran when Emily explained the terms to him.

“Why not?” she asked.

Kieran wasn’t an idiot, he knew what Dutch was doing, using that girl to get what he wanted, and he knew his options where two: if he spoke, Dutch would have found an excuse to kill him and even if he didn’t, Colm O’Driscoll would have found him, sooner or later, and Kieran would have paid for his betrayal. 

But even if he tried to explain that to Emily, she was too convinced that Dutch might never kill him, and she didn’t want to listen to him.

“Are you sure that’s not just an excuse?” she asked angrily. “It seems to me that you’re not trying to help me getting you out of this situation, Kieran.”

“Why, why would I lie?”

“I don’t know, but I’ve tried to help and Dutch is meeting you halfway.”

It was at that moment that Kieran understood Emily had fallen in Dutch’s trap. “Don’t you understand he’s playing you?” he naively asked.

Emily was outraged by that statement and she left Kieran to walk as far away from him as possible. It seemed he liked to be tied to that tree after all.

...

Hosea came back the day after. He had left Arthur halfway from camp when he said he wanted to reach Javier and Charles near Blackwater to free Sean. He said the bear hunting didn’t go exactly as expected, but he had fun at least.

The first among them to come back was Charles, all dusty and sweaty, telling everybody about their success in West Elisabeth. Then, Sean and Javier showed up and it was time for introductions.

Emily found Sean incredibly cheerful and full of life for someone who had been captured and tortured: he had an everlasting big smile on his thin freckled face and as soon as he stepped foot in camp, some sort of festive atmosphere had come with him. 

“Come on! Le’t celebrate the return of Uncle Sean!”

Emily was exited about all that happening. She was craving music, mental lightness and the company of someone who could ward off the heavy and dark thoughts from her mind. 

Those weeks had been hard: she had done things she had never thought to do, living in that place that seemed to destroy, day after day, her good intents and rightful ideas. 

The preparations implied the purchase of alcohol and for that Sean seemed to think he could take Dutch’s place, ordering to go and buy some in Valentine.

“Nah nah, Mr. Macguire, your party, yours the responsibility to buy what you want” said Miss Grimshaw putting some dollars in his hands and pushing him towards the wagons.

“I need company” complained Sean, but Miss Grimshaw’s answer was a simple gesture with her hand, like to tell him: ‘not my business, choose who you want’.

Sean looked around. He had no intention to bring Javier nor Charles. Their journey back to camp had already been boring enough. He needed someone alive, someone with a good sense of humor. 

“Hey, you girl!” Sean called out loud.

Emily didn’t answered and didn’t even turned around. There were five girls in camp, how could she know he was addressing her?

He could walk closer and ask her gently, but Sean being Sean, he preferred to be rude and quirky as usual. 

“Hey, the new girl! Yeah, you! You come with me to buy some booze?” he yelled and now Emily’s attention, together with the one of everybody else in camp, was caught. 

“Sorry, you were talking to me?” she asked walking closer.

“Yeah, you come with me?”

“S-sure” she agreed a little taken aback for the request.

He could have asked everybody, maybe his girlfriend, but he had asked her. Why? And this fact was also noticed by Karen, who anyway had pretended not to hear nor see what was happening and kept to work as usual.

“You know Valentine, girl?” asked Sean getting on the wagon.

“Yeah, I’ve been there a lot of times.”

“Good, so you can guide me there.”

“And, my name is Emily, by the way.”

“Okay, Emily, nice to meet you. How did Dutch find you?”

Emily frowned at those words. 

“They haven’t told you anything about me?” she asked.

“No, they should have?”

“Not a word about the crazy dumb girl that comes from the future?”

Sean laughed and this way Emily noticed he missed a tooth, maybe more than one.

Javier, Charles and Arthur hadn’t said anything about her since they had recused him, and Emily felt bad for that. Not that she wanted everybody to talk about her, but she would have appreciated a mention, a few words to explain her presence in their group. 

So she started with her story. Sean was delighted that in the world existed someone who talked almost as much as him, and Emily was happy to have found someone who finally liked her the way she was, with her habit to speak too much, her being naive and her simple humor. A bond was created between them that afternoon, a good friendship which, unfortunately, wasn’t destined to last much.

“And you say Hosea believes ya?” asked Sean when she was done with her story.

“Actually, a lot of people believe me now.”

“Well, if they believe you, I believe you too. These weeks mustn’t have been easy for you all, since Blackwater.”

“No, not really. But from what I heard, you got the worst.”

Sean started about all the things the Pinkertons had done to him and how he had played the ‘brave big boy’ and told them nothing. Emily let him talk, glad that, unlike the other people at camp, she didn’t have to pull the information out of him. 

They easily bought two crates of beer and two of liquor at the general store in Valentine and came back right before the sun was down completely. 

...

When Arthur arrived, the party had just began. The first bottles had been opened and Sean was about to end his speech, half drunk already. Right after that, music started.

“Come on! Play something we can dance to!” Emily exclaimed, and Arthur noticed she had some color on her cheeks. Had she been drinking too?

“Like what?” asked Javier, taking his guitar.

“I don’t know. What you dance to in 1899?” she laughed.

“I might have an idea” said Uncle sitting on one of the logs near the campfire with his banjo. 

(Music) 

He started a song which Emily was sure to have heard someplace else, maybe right in the future. It reminded her of a public event, with a great crowd and a lot of flags and banners, and she remembered herself, very very young, on her father’s shoulders to watch whatever was going on on the distant stage.

Then, Uncle started to speed up the rhythm of the melody and Javier joined him with those few notes he was able to catch. Anyway, the two of them together made something great to which Emily couldn’t resist and, grabbing Mary-Beth’s hand, they started dancing. 

With their skirts moving frantically to the rhythm of their jumps and the sound of their laughs, soon the eyes of everybody were on them and Mary-Beth felt so embarrassed she had to stop. Emily begged her with the eyes and tried to pull her back to the dance, but she simply wouldn’t keep on. 

“Come, dance with me!” exclaimed Sean taking her arm and the two of them started swinging around. 

Emily loved music, she loved to dance and sing, it was the best way she had to stop thinking and in that moment she forgot everything. 

She started laughing in that sweet way that made her irresistible to others eyes and this didn’t slipped away from Karen, who was the only one who didn’t like what she was looking at. Jealousy is powerful and dangerous, and God knows how dangerous Karen could be.

The rest of them was enjoying the music and the presence of that strange girl, who brought such an unusual happiness among them, making them forget all their problems.

Emily let Sean go and reached for Tilly’s hand instead, who needed a little more insistence to join the dance, but in the end proved to be the best dancer among them.

Hosea was again proud he had insisted to keep her with them, Charles felt peaceful in looking at her dancing, Sean had finally found someone to have a fun time with, Mary- Beth felt lucky in finding such a friend, and Arthur… well, Arthur couldn’t help but still feel unworthy of her, even though he knew nothing romantic could start between them, because of his past, because of what he was, because he was sure she wouldn’t stay with them much longer. 

[darlingsdevil]

Of The Valley (Joel x Reader)

Chapter 4: Dreamaches

Summary: Life in Jackson is never easy. Consoling angsty teenagers, wading through the mysterious waters of Joel’s romance language and with a child of your own on the way? Life is about to get a lot harder.

Of The Valley Masterlist

RDR2 Masterlist

Tag list (comment to be added or removed) sidepuff @joelsheartache @fangirl-inthe-us @cowboyfrazer @scarletpines @sidepuff

A/N: I promise they’ll be back in Jackson soon...

•••

Joel didn’t say much on the way back, talking about frivolous things, beating around the bush the entire time. You were looking forward to going to the lake with Joel.. you remembered how awful your last one ended. You kept your mind on the thought of a ‘date’ with Joel, rather than the inkling thought of the runner you had shot.

Of course, there was still the matter of the discussion you were meant to have with Joel. You owed Joel an explanation for your disappearance. With the way your relationship stood with him three months ago, you were certain he suspected your absence could have sprouted from that. Which was.. disheartening to say the least. Just when things had begun to finally heat up, you vanished without a trace. No wonder Joel was angry. You would be angry too.

When you arrived back at the lookout, the stew was almost done. Joel hitched the horses for you while you went inside. Ellie was playing a tune on her guitar and Tommy was listening to her song.

“You guys better not have already eaten,” You said jokingly, sitting next to Tommy while Joel came inside.

“We haven’t,” Ellie reassured.

“Good because I’m hungry.” Joel sat down next to Ellie, she scooted farther away from him slightly, Joel didn’t notice, but you did. You rose a brow at her subtly and she gently shook her head.

“Ellie’s getting real good at that guitar, Joel,” Tommy said to him.

Joel smiled and nodded.

“Course she is, only been trained by the best guitarist in Jackson,” You said, giving Joel a humorous wink.

“I see you haven’t gotten around to changing the strings yet,” Joel pointed out, looking at Ellie’s guitar.

“I didn’t know I was supposed to,” Ellie said, looking at him in confusion.

“Yeah, well, we’ll get you some new ones,” Joel replied.

“Well there’s that music store down there, I bet they got guitar stuff,” Tommy piped up. Ellie shifted uncomfortably while Tommy waited for either of the two to respond.

“I mean, that area is long overdue for a sweep anyways, and it’s a little early for dinner,” He explained.

“We can keep watch while you two head out,” You said.

“What do you say, kiddo?” Joel asked Ellie.

Ellie shrugged, “Sure,” She said.

“Okay well, I’ll be waiting outside,” Joel replied, setting out for the door. Ellie looked like she would much rather have gone with you or Tommy, but you knew it was best if she went with Joel. That talk was long overdue, something was definitely up.

“Are you sure I can’t go with one of you instead?” Ellie asked quietly, pleading with her eyes. Both you and Tommy shook your heads. Ellie sighed under her breath and followed Joel out the door. You wondered what was going on between them, but of course, it was another thing on your long list of future discussions you were dreading.

“How did you do out there?” Tommy asked as you got up to sit in Ellie’s spot across from him.

“Better than before. A little shook up still, but I’m doing better.”

“That’s good. Are you thinking about coming back to patrol? We could really use your help,” Tommy began.

“No, this is a one time thing. I think I’ll just stick to the bar job for now,” You said firmly. You weren’t on the fence about this, as good of a sniper as you are, there’s no way in hell you could do it everyday again.

“Alright. And how are things with Joel?” He questioned.

You sighed, leaning back into the couch. “I don’t know. He’s confused. He’s hurt. I don’t know what to say or what to do about any of it.”

“Just start by being around him again, you don’t have to go right back into the heavy stuff. Joel will understand,” Tommy explained calmly.

“I guess I did kind of miss him,” You confess, looking down at your shoes.

“Just don’t go avoiding him again. Or anyone for that matter. Including Ellie, she’s going through a rough patch with Joel right now,” He pointed out.

“I could tell. How bad is it? Normal teenage angst or something bigger?”

“Not too sure. Seems to have been going on for a while and it’s only been getting worse. Joel’s not too happy,” He answered. It seemed others had picked up on it too.

“I’ll talk to Ellie about it. Maybe I can get her to go easy on her old man.”

“You need to take that advice too. I know last few months haven’t been the easiest, but you can’t shut everyone out like that again. It’s only going to make people even more hurt,” Tommy lectured you. You felt your ears grow hot at his words.

“If everyone wanted to see me so badly, you or Maria could have told them where I was. It wasn’t a secret as to where I was working,” You said defensively.

“Or you could have. Maria and I don’t need to be your messengers,” Tommy replied firmly.

“And Joel never thought to ask around? Just because I wasn’t answering my door doesn’t mean I wasn’t around town,” You scoffed. It was harder to control your moods these days, especially since what Tommy had said was barely offensive. You could easily pretend you were fine, irritability was the hard part. You knew you were overreacting, you just couldn’t help yourself.

“From my understanding of it, he didn’t want to impose, wanted you to come to him,” Tommy said, voice with much less bite. That made a hell of a lot more sense. It made sense why he wouldn’t have sought you out, he was waiting for you to bring it up first. You had nearly forgotten about what had happened with him, no wonder he was so angry.

You sighed deeply, Tommy was right, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to lash out at you.”

“It’s alright. I know last few months haven’t been too kind to you either.”

•••

When Joel and Ellie made it back to the lookout, you could tell something was up. Ellie avoided Joel the second they stepped in and Joel looked visibly grumpier. Maybe it was a mistake to let them go out on their own.

Regardless, the stew was completely done. Tommy found clean bowls and some silverware, you set the table while Joel sat quietly at the island counter. He was clearly in deep thought. Ellie was off somewhere in one of the rooms, probably listening to her Walkman. Mark had some old Walkman tapes that he had collected over the years that you had been meaning to give to her, just like the records. Mark’s old Walkman broke a long time ago anyways, that’s why he switched to vinyl.

“Will you go tell Ellie it’s time for dinner?” Joel asked you, his voice much softer.

You nodded your head and went towards the room she always chose at this lookout, and sure enough you could hear the faint sound of music on the other side. You knocked gently on it. No response. You knocked louder this time.

“What?” Ellie called out.

“Can I come in?”

Ellie was hesitant but agreed. You opened up the to her room. She was sitting up on the bed, staring at you.

“We’re about to start eating, you gonna join us?” You asked her.

“No, I’m not really hungry,” She attempted to play it off. Ellie gently set her Walkman down next to her, clicking it off.

“You don’t have to eat with them if you don’t want to. I can bring some stew up here and eat with you if you would like.”

“I appreciate the gesture, but I think I want to be alone right now,” Ellie replied dimly. Her room was practically radiating a depressive gloom, much like your own, curtains drawn and lights off.

“Okay, that’s fair. Let me know if you change your mind.” You shut the door behind you, walking back over to Joel and Tommy.

“She’s not eating?” Joel asked you as he sat down at the dinner table.

You shook your head nonchalantly, sitting down next to Joel. Tommy brought over the stew and set down three bowls. God, you were hungry. You felt like you could eat the entire pot.

“How was your trip with Ellie?” You said to Joel, attempting to make small talk.

“Fine,” He replied curtly. You and Tommy shared a look.

Dinner was pleasant enough, you mostly only talked with Tommy, mentioning the weather, the newcomers in town with a baby, the upcoming fall dance, the new renovations to Cork street. Simple things.

The sun was setting to the west, the orange rays of light casting into the many windows of the lookout, you could see the lights in Jackson begin to come on. You were not looking forward to spending the night outside of Jackson, or around other people for that matter. Joel retired to his room for the night while you and Tommy watched a movie on the TV. You weren’t too sure what was happening in it since it was a sequel and you had never seen the first, but it was a good distraction, at least for a little while.

Soon enough though, it had gotten fully dark and you were bone tired. You still had to go out tomorrow to pick off the rest of the infected you had missed from the first nest, and then you would be back home. You made a checklist of all the things you would have to do when you returned home, a long list of talking with people you had avoided and talking about things you didn’t want to talk about, but needed to.

You stayed up a little while longer than him, thinking about everything you tried not to. Joel. Three months ago. Mark. Being outside the wall. Practically everything.

Only Ellie managed to pull you out of your thoughts as she quietly tiptoed to the kitchen, hoping not to alert you. But unfortunately, Ellie wasn’t particularly quiet.

“Care to sit with me?” You called out. You heard Ellie lightly gasp.

“Shit,” She muttered under her breath.

“You might be able to sneak by Joel or Tommy, but I thought you knew better than that.”

“Sorry. I didn’t want to scare you,” Ellie said. You knew she was lying.

“Okay well, sit with me for a little bit,” You suggested, looking over your shoulder to her.

“Let me get some food first.” She rummaged through the cabinets to find a bowl for a few seconds, when she found it she took the leftovers out of the fridge and poured some into her bowl. She walked over to you and sat down on the couch.

“What’s going on with you and Joel?” You looked at her. Her eyes widened and she looked down at the ground.

“Nothing.”

“Doesn’t sound like nothing,” You continued. Ellie began eating her stew slowly.

“Nothing that you need to be worried about.”

Oh boy.

“You can talk to me, Ellie,” You told her, hoping it would get her to open up.

“Look, I know you mean well. I just don’t want to talk about what’s going on.” She looked up at you. You were taken aback, Ellie was usually always open with you.

“Joel’s upset too. You don’t have to tell me what’s happening, I just want you to talk to him and let him know what’s going on so he can fix it,” You explained.

“I’ll talk when you talk to him,” Ellie said seriously.

“What?”

“You dodged him and I, for months. You don’t get off so easily when I have to tell him about my feelings and all that bullshit and you don’t,” Ellie replied angrily. She was betrayed too. Suddenly, you were beginning to realize the depth of how many people you abandoned.

“I guess that’s fair.” Your voice was quiet.

“I’m going back to my room. I’ll talk to you later. Goodnight,” Ellie said swiftly, returning to her room.

There was a pit in your chest, not only had you cut yourself off from the support you so desperately needed, you cut out others too. Others that needed you just as much as you needed them. And now you were paying the price for it.

•••

Sleep didn’t come easily. Tommy and Joel were in their respective rooms while you were in yours. Your room was the closest to Joel’s and shared a bathroom with him.

Sleep never came easily. At least not recently. You forgot what it felt like to see the moon, having the curtains nearly almost always closed to drown out the rest of the world, it was a fresh reminder of how breathtaking the world could be. Your window was wide open, the crisp autumn air felt wonderful on your lungs. The mixture of leaves and fresh air was something that managed to calm your nerves no matter the circumstances. The air was entirely different than Jackson, Jackson was crowded, always smelt like a city. But out here, there was nothing more than the sweet smell of nature that wafted through your window. And for a moment, your worries drifted away. There was no Mark, there was no Joel, there was no Ellie. You weren’t even sure you existed in that moment, you felt detached but you did not know of it. There was nothing. There was only nature. Only the wind in the dying leaves that rustled through the trees and the eventual rebirth of Mother Nature herself. Life would be okay.

•••

There were no nightmares. No running for your life from someone you couldn’t see. The haunting memories. There was nothing. Not even a dream. The first time in a long time there was nothing. It was surprisingly peaceful.. until you started feeling sick.

You awoke to the rising sun in your window, feeling peaceful until you felt your stomach toss and turn. It was common for you to feel nauseous in the morning, sometimes later in the day too. Your nightmares and panic attacks being so frightful, they caused you to feel sick to your stomach.

You rushed to the bathroom and sat down on the tile. There was no running water, something you missed so dearly. Only a trash can.

Your stomach was flipping, you groaned in pain and leaned against the bathtub, resting your hand on your stomach.

Maybe it was the stew. It wasn’t uncommon to get sick from 25 years expired cans of food, but no one else had gotten sick. Maybe you just had the stomach flu, working in a bar made it a hotspot for illness.

It wasn’t just the stomach pains, you had a dull headache too. Perhaps you were getting sick, but then again you hadn’t gotten sick in years. It could have been the food too, but you didn’t feel ill at all last night.

You tried to focus your breathing while you looked around the bathroom. It was clean enough. Not anything particularly special. There was a sink, a toilet, a shower. Some soap, some tampons.

Tampons.

How long had it been since you have had your period? You were so caught up in everything, you had forgotten to keep track of these things. And feeling ill in the morning? Increased appetite? Mood swings?

Shit.

•••

[soulonfire13]

How about 3 through 8 for the video game asks?

Oooh these are all excellent ones.

3~ "Best game you've ever played"

Starting off with a very hard one to answer lol, but I think the best game(s) Ive ever played is a tie between "Prey" and "Red Dead Redemption 2". Both games Ive gone back to countless times and Im always finding something new and different when I play.

In Prey, I love, love, love the enviromental storytelling and how many different way you can solve the games mysteries and puzzles. It allows me to actually pick skills I want for that playthrough, and still be able to finish the game my way.

Rdr2, theres just so many little details and things that blow me away everytime I load into the game. Foreshadowing I might have missed earlier, realistic animals gorgeous thunderstorms ahhhh.

Both games also have excellent stories imo. Multiple points where I was sitting in my chair open mouthed and/or crying. So damn good. I love games where I have choices, even if the choices are small.

4~ "worst game you've ever played?"

For this one, I had to think a bit. I decided to pick a game that was the worst for me, personally; even though technically speaking its fine. Its also random as all heck hahahaha. Anyway that award goes to "Nancy Drew: Trail of the Twister"

I grew up playing the Nancy Drew cd rom games and that one just pissed me right off. The puzzles suuuuuck, especially for Nancy Drew (theres only a couple ND games with WORSE puzzles) but having to do the same puzzle like 4 times with no way to speed it up and having to watch the same aninations forever just threw any chance of me liking the game right out the window.

Also hated the storyline a bit more than other ND games and Ive played them all. Ive seen hokey storylines and obvious plot twists but this specific one was just.... bad.

5~ "Popular game series you just can't get into"

Theres a lot XD. I think the biggest is games like Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts. Theres just so much lore and so many games that while I respect the people who can get into all of it and actually know whats happening in those games; I will never actually play them myself.

I have watched a playthrough of the original Kingdom Hearts but thats about it.

6~ "Game that Changed You the Most"

I would say that the game that changed me the most was "Mario and Sonic at the Winter Olympic Games 2009" for the DS. It was my true 1st Sonic game. (I vividly remember my mom getting it for me because we'd been playing so many Mario games)

I immediately fell in love with the Sonic characters, Knuckles and Shadow being the og characters I ended up really liking and using for most of the events in the game. It was after I finished the game and was trying to 100% that I started really getting into Sonic as a series. The game has these collectables called "whitestones" that were scattered EVERYWHERE in the game. To find them, you button mashed near where you though there would be one and BAM another whitestone.

One of the characters you turn the whitestones into was Espio. And I was like; huh. This guy is cool. I should look him up. And that led to me finding and watching SonicX. Which led to me playing more Sonic games. Which led to me reading the comics. And the rest is history.

The Chaotix quickly overtook Knuckles and Shadow as my favorites (I still really like them) and eventually led to me making this specific blog! Being a sonic fan has been a huge part of my life for many, many reasons :)

7~ "Game you'll never forget"

"Sonic Heroes"! It will always be the most nostalgic and my favorite Sonic game. My brother and I split which teams we would play as and we would work together to complete the game. I got Team Dark and Team Chaotix and I absolutely loved playing both storylines so, so much. There was so many hours spent raging over the Rail Canyon level, and countless tries for the bonus levels and Chaos Emeralds. I put my blood, sweat and tears into that game and I loved every second of it.

8~ "Best Soundtrack"

Oooh theres so many I like ;-;. Skyrim's soundtrack is memorable and absolutely awesome. Stardew Valley has some of the best vibing music for a game. Sonic and the Balck Knight and Sonic Rush have some of my favorite Sonic songs. Rdr2 has a banger playlist of songs that cut DEEP. I could even cheat and say I like Miku rythm games and add a bunch of vocaloids to the list hahaha.

God I literally can't choose auuugh. Music is such a personal thing to me and I love video game music with a passion. Theres just too many to pick just one game jdhshdjfkfisysn

[pestopascal]

While I will absolutely agree that CB2077 isn’t the ONLY game doing all this bullshit, or that other AAA studios don’t deserve the flack CDPR is getting, I have to say that this is absolutely the perfect storm and I think people are FINALLY seeing the problems in modern AAA gaming. CB2077 might be fun to play, may have a good story, but it’s almost impossible to see because of the glaring issues. Which, honestly, is a good thing. I hope games change after this.

under here

AAA studios have been like this and this sort of release has been completely normalised on all accounts by both the businesses themselves and fans because of the inherent reliance on modders (bethesda at the forefront of this), as well as the pushback every time companies actually go ‘uh we need a lil more time’ (although... they just shouldnt announce potential release dates, im even of the camp they shouldnt even start releasing the game until like 6 months out from their official date because they fuck it up every time. borderlands 3 being the only game i know of being in “secret” development and then announcing itself in march for a september release. game itself aside, thats how companies should do it). easily i can remember a lot of 2011 release games which have had the exact same issues as cp77′s release, and then every other game in between since. very rarely do you actually have a game that isn’t a fucked up mess of a pile of pixels. and it is always the customisable character ones that are honestly, genuinely, ugly looking at release. but you can definitely say its been happening looooooong before 2011, with unrealistic expectations, word limits, 11 month time frames, offloading sequels to smaller companies so they can suffer if it fails, etc etc. the entire system has been like this for so long... they dont know any real different nowadays.

i mean look. tlou2 released under crunch conditions this year, and was rewarded. it was ALL over the social media feeds, it was quite the controversy because, surprise surprise, the company promised they wouldnt do it uwu and then. bam ! crunch conditions. literally around that time too, bioware employees came out with a statement saying ‘man we wish dai FAILED so that back in 2014 we couldve proven crunch was a wrong practice’. they say this as well after having to produce da2 in 14 months, which just suffered from fans and journalism for reusing environments, because it was produced in 14 months, and honestly? no one pointed that out back then, bioware themselves pointed it out again this year, 6 years after release, that that game was produced in 14 months. rdr2′s release was hounded by stories of crunch, and they all disappeared into the night because... it was heralded as the best game of all time. that was 2018, 2 years ago.

i think too is that some people get kind of ... morally and ethically concerned. which is understandable. can you consume something when you know it was made under conditions like crunch? and i think one of the most confronting things about it is that 9/10, not only has your favourite company engaged in crunch conditions, they almost actively choose to continue with them. and then that’s a whole other bag of issues blown up over there when it comes to what is able to be consumed what isn’t etc etc

i think also like a mix of marketing, promises and then the expectations of what the game will be like have really had cdpr earn the ire of fans which is just like... you don’t believe what these companies are saying. you never should, esp when it’s their ceo’s saying it who don’t work on the actual floor. bioware itself is the main culprit of doing this to the point they finally came around with all the da4 concept art and teasing to be like ‘ummm but actually dont get invested?’. remember all that qunari lady fanart that bioware management was like ... please dont get attached? yeah. yeah. like at what point as well is there going to be heavy level of apprehension to approach this? and i can’t really talk either, i cracked open the door for mass effect again. i know exactly what kind of shit bioware will pull, i know they are teasing it already on social media, but mass effect is my ride or die series. that’s why people keep opening the door on letting these companies get away with it. and you can’t fault fans entirely either because this is down to a science of how to get money. i mean, fuck, mass effect andromeda’s entire advertising campaign HINGED on the n7 logo. for the nostalgia value. and i see text posts in the same vein of both ‘guys, disney isnt gonna fuck you if you consume every remake for nostalgia value’ and ‘its understandable why people do it’.

so then you have to go ‘well are fans as just to blame’ and then that’s a whole other argument.

i think also like. i personally havent run into aaaannnyyyyyyy of the issues that you see posted online. which is ironic bc 1) i play on ps4 and 2) its an old dusty ps4. in fact a lot of ppl i have spoken to who have had issues have played on pc. does this mean the glitches dont exist? ofc not, the vids and screenshots are right there. but like... ive had a basically unhindered experience so far, and i get where ppl are coming from (i do, i promise) where theyve basically found the game unplayable. is there also a standard of what ppl consider unplayable because ive played most AAA games at launch when they basically rushed to slap the box label on the game and called it a day until they work on patches. when ppl consider unplayable is also just... different per person. some people have a slight blur on the screen when turning too fast even in an MMO and decide the game is horrible and unplayable. some people can have broken quests and npcs not loading and falling through maps and still be fine. there’s no agreed statement of what makes a game unplayable either, which is why you read threads on twitter and someone goes ‘yeah this npc t-posed so i quit in the first hour’ with a dozen replies. everyone has different levels of it.

it’s a mixed bag of issues. im not excusing cdpr, but the ppl who worked on the game are honestly likely not the ones who pushed for a release. you’ve gotta look at sony and microsoft and ceo’s with bonuses coming up and the investors and shareholders and people who sit behind computers and read numbers detailing interest and demand and supply and how every single time they had to delay this game, the loudest (but smallest) bunch of assholes on like reddit and in the twitter threads complained that it was delayed AGAIN even though back in what 2015? they said it’ll come out when it’s ready. and yeah there are times when game delays result in a mismatched half assed sort of story (kh3... p5... ffxv... dai...) and then there are times when, if they need to delay the game... they probably need to delay the game. sometimes delays are bad sometimes theyre good sometimes you are sitting there like whew if you only didn’t try to be like THIS TIME this is the release date.

the ONLY WAY this will stop happening is, quite frankly, unionising. and everyone is allergic to that whole concept so like... this is “the perfect storm” as you put it. but it’s also not. people have been so disappointed over the last 2 years alone for gaming companies, the final product, the attitudes from higher ups, that i think cdpr is receiving a good few years worth of anger. i think theyre also on the receiving end of misdirection from american fans who still don’t fucking get the company isn’t american, because that’s another bag of issues as well. like we’re holding at least 8 bags of groceries out of the back of the car now, and we don’t want to take another trip, because there are so many little bits of this entire situation to look at. there’s so much back and forth.

i think the worst, but most realistic thing is: games won’t change. how they will social media wise will. maybe. assuming bioware gets their heads out their asses but... they’re going to be a lot more careful. i mean, hell, sony offered refunds. that was just a publicity stint. they dont give a fuck if the game was bad. as i said before, if they did, they would make all companies fix trophy problems, starting from like 2010 or whenever the trophy system first came out. they just don’t wanna fall in alongside cdpr being thrown on its sword. but the companies are gonna learn from this, get smarter, still do the same shit to their employees, still pay off journalists, still do media blackouts, etc etc. and we’re gonna be here in another year’s time, with another game, having these same roundabout arguments, and cp77′s issues are gonna fade into just a wikipedia article.