#I want to make clothes but I feel like I’m too much of a beginner for that

[y2kas13]

Hiii can i request coach!sevika x beginner reader?? Like in the gym

Spot Me?

၄၃ Coach!Sevika x beginner!reader

၄၃ Summary: You decided to stick true to your New Year's resolution and go to the gym, but you're struck with embarrassment every time you enter, not just because you're a complete novice at exercise but also because a particularly beautiful woman who obviously knows what she's doing is there.

၄၃ CW: suggestive but no actual smut since it wasn't requested, sevika is naturally flirty and casually dominant and that rings true in this, no set body type just that reader hasn't exercised in a while, reader gets out of breath but no descriptions of asthma or anything seriously medically wrong.

၄၃ A/N: OMG GUYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT ON MY LAST FIC!! I'm so glad you guys actually enjoyed it and yes I will make a part two that is more fleshed out just allow me some time to do so lol. I'm gonna try to get into the swing of writing again as I've wanted to for a while but was unmotivated but since you've expressed your interest I shall do my best lol. As always interaction is appreciated and feel free to request whatever for any character I write for (check my masterlist to see which characters those are as I have updated it and my request rules) ALR ENOUGH YAP ESSSGETIT

၄၃ Word Count: 1.3k

Like almost everyone on the planet on January 1st, I vowed to go to the gym. I've never been too concerned with my figure, I know that my size doesn't determine my worth or beauty but it does hurt my ego that the little 12-year-olds I babysit can carry more bags of groceries into the house than I can.

To prepare I bought a gym membership. I wanted to do pilates but the only classes were for rich stay-at-home moms with disposable incomes which I couldn't afford so I stuck to a cheap little gym membership. For Christmas, many of my friends and family bought me gym equipment and clothing to help jumpstart and keep me encouraged to go, as I don't want to feel as though I've wasted their money.

I procrastinated for a few days going under the guise of wanting to "avoid the rush on newcomers" when in reality I saw a couple of TikToks poking fun at the newcomers that come in January and don't know what they are doing then flake by February and it made me feel bad.

I want this to be serious I need to get stronger and improve physically.

I was on a downward spiral of insecurity about my skill or lack thereof when I saw an ad on Instagram advertising affordable trainers for newbie gym-goers.

Trying to cash in on the rush I see. I decided to click the link and check it out. If it's a scam, I'll just click out anyway.

I was greeted with a nicely arranged and professional-looking website. In the corner, I saw a badge that proudly announces 5 years of business. Must not be a scam after all I thought. I continue to look through the website partly due to boredom but also in part due to curiosity.

I click on a button that says "Personalize your workout and get a coach!" I fill it out completely and honestly because I could get help from someone who knows way more about exercise than I do. I'd rather cough up a few extra dollars every month and reach my goals rather than accidentally injure myself and never go back.

After a few moments of waiting for results it tells me I'm a complete novice, no duh, I thought. I should start with a completely basic workout to get me started but not overdo it. it gives me a couple of options for trainers who specialize in training newbies.

"Ew, they are all creepy-looking old guys." There was a fleck of disappointment in my tone. I kept looking though just to see if there wasn't anyone... geriatric looking. Then I see her.

A beautiful brown-skinned woman, at least 6 feet tall who is absolutely ripped. A calm, yet slightly authoritative look took over her face. After a moment of just staring at her pictures, I read her description.

Hi, I'm Sevika. I’m 37 and have been exercising since I was a teenager so I know a thing or two about properly exercising and targeting the right muscle groups. Message me if you're interested in having me train you. Short and sweet, huh? I thought to myself after reading her quite short bio. I didn't even give it much of a second thought as I clicked her to be my coach and sent a deposit to lock it in. Then, promptly passed out as it was well past 2 am and I still had to work tomorrow.

After leaving work I came home and got ready to go to the gym. I had been briefly texting Sevika to set up meeting times for the weeks to come. To my disappointment, all her messages were short and to the point. we agreed every two days a week to keep it simple enough but to too hardcore to burn myself out, or my wallet.

I checked my new fitness watch to see what time it was and saw that I was cutting it close to when I had to meet her. From her messages, she seems very no-nonsense and wouldn't appreciate it if I was late for our first meeting. Not that I want to waste any time getting to see her.

After a short car ride, I go inside, get my new membership card to sign in, and then walk into the gym part. I look around a little anxious. all these people and these frankly daunting-looking equipment make me second guess myself, everyone looks like they know what they're doing what if they're secretly judging me for being new? Right as I'm gonna say fuck it and take the L of losing out on some money I hear a voice from my right call out my name.

I whip my head around to see who could be calling me I see her in all her glory.

Those pictures did not do her justice.

She's even more breathtaking in person. Before I can go on and keep staring at her she makes her way over to me with a natural swagger in her walk. I can't stop staring at her muscles that poke through her tight gray shirt. As she comes closer someone stops to dap her up. "Big Mama is back huh? haven't seen you in a bit." Big Mama is right. "Took a break to give you losers a chance to catch up to me, obviously it didn't help much." They both have a slight chuckle, Sevika pats them on their back and walks past them with a promise to hit them up later.

She finally walks up to me and gives me a quick look up and down and smirks slightly. “So you're the newbie I'll be training for the next couple of weeks huh?” I give a flushed smile and nod a tad too fast, “Yup, that's me, I'm excited to get back into the gym!” She gives me a bigger smirk at this. “I'm excited to have you here.” she leaves a lingering look at my lips that quickly goes down to my hips and back up to my eyes. She leads me towards the middle of the gym.

We discussed my reasons for exercising, and she mapped out a plan of action for my exercises. She also promised to send me a meal plan to follow to further my exercise journey.

“Alright let's start with some basic arm exercises since you're focused on strength in your upper body.” She led me to a bench and instructed me to bend over it with one arm supporting and one arm lifting the dumbbell.

As I moved she watched softly correcting my form but her hands lingered perhaps just a bit to long. I kept up doing several different low-impact strength training all of which Sevika kept a close eye and even closer hand on me to correct my form. 

As time seemingly stretched on for ages, I finally completed my exercise routine for the day. As I gulped down my water rather quickly, her voice broke me from my exhausted daze.

“Well, judging by your dehydration and sweat on your brow, you definitely got in a good workout.” Her chuckle at the end of her statement brought over a rush of embarrassment, and I quickly tried to wipe any sweat off myself and calm down my rapid breath. So much for not trying to embarrass myself in front of her.

“Oh my god, I must look insane right now, just give me a moment to compose myself!” I say hurriedly trying to fix my hair and save face in front of her. She reaches out and grabs my hand, “No need to be embarrassed I think you look real good all sweaty in front of me.” Her grip on my arm and her words makes me look up at her and see the sultry look in her eyes. 

“How about I take you into the locker room and help you… freshen up.”

[elixirfromthestars]

Staring Right Through Me

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Nurse!Reader

Summary: After getting caught in the crossfires of the dangers in Hell's Kitchen, Matt decided to teach you how to defend yourself.

Word Count: 1.8k

Warning(s): mentions of past injuries / fighting techniques / fluff / slightly suggestive tones

requested by anonymous

a/n: this is request #1 of my birthday bingo celebration!! ❤️❤️❤️ The original post of the birthday bingo card can be found here. Likes, comments, and reblogs are much appreciated!! 💗💕

birthday bingo masterlist 🩵 // main masterlist 🤍

“Matt? Are you in here?” Your voice echoed across the seemingly empty boxing gym. You closed the door behind you hesitantly, unsure if you were even allowed to be here during such late hours. Matt made it clear it was perfectly fine, and since all your shifts at the hospital ran into the night, this was the most convenient time for Matt to teach you some basics in self-defense. 

You knew of the dangers plaguing Hell’s Kitchen, and working in the emergency room at Metro-General Hospital you saw the consequences of those dangers every day. It wasn’t until last week that you yourself were caught in the crossfires of such dangers. You shuddered at the memory, knowing that if it weren’t for Matt or rather Daredevil, you might not be standing here right now. 

“Matt?” You called out again, your voice a little louder this time. You heard a shuffling sound in return, “Y/n, over here. I’m just getting this bag set up.” Matt’s voice perked up from behind the boxing ring. You followed the sound and found Matt setting up a separate punching bag from one that was already hanging from the ceiling. 

“We’ll start you off with this one, it's made for beginners so it's lighter than that one,” Matt explained as you placed your tote bag on the ground by the boxing ring. You tried getting a good look at him, but the lights in the gym were so spotty it was hard to make out any details from where you both stood.

 “ Got it. So, what are you teaching me today, Mr.Murdock?” You asked, saying his last name in a playful manner. This brought a smile to his face, “ We’ll start with the basics today by teaching you how to throw a proper punch.” You mocked offense at the implication of his words, stepping closer to him, “ Hey, I’ll remind you I knocked out a guy with a punch last week.” You pointed out. Matt stepped closer to you too, coming into the light, giving you a better look at him. 

He was shirtless, his upper body glistening with sweat. A pair of sweatpants was the only piece of clothing on his body. He wasn’t wearing his glasses, so it was obvious he had gotten in a workout prior to your arrival. You had seen Matt shirtless countless times before, as you frequently treated his vigilante wounds, however, this time in the solitude of the dim gym, something felt different. 

You felt different. 

“ You did, but you also injured yourself in the process,” he reminded you, taking your right hand into his. He gently ran his thumb over your knuckles which still had a purplish hue to them. You stared at the gesture, a warm feeling settling in your heart. 

“ I’m okay, though. I promise. I had it x-rayed and everything. No broken bones, just a few bruises,” you flipped his hand over and placed your own above his and gave it a few squeezes so he could feel how perfectly fine your hand was. His worried features softened.

“ I want you to know that even though I’m teaching you how to defend yourself, I’m still keeping my promise,” he stated, his tone determined. 

The promise to keep you safe. One he made many months ago when you first started patching up his injuries. The catalyst to establishing a beautiful friendship. 

You smiled fondly at the memory,” I know you will.” 

You hoped Matt wasn’t using his heightened senses right now. If he was then he would be able to hear how fast your heart was beating and sense how jittery you were at the proximity of your bodies. Even so, you didn’t need any sort of superhuman abilities to sense the intensity of the tension in the room. 

Your eyes darted around for a fan, suddenly feeling a little faint. 

You cleared your throat to compose yourself, “So. . .to throw a proper punch. What do I need to do?” You moved the direction of the conversation back to the purpose of tonight’s rendezvous. If Matt could sense your nervousness, he didn’t say anything and instead followed your lead. 

“ First, you need to start with a proper fist,” he instructed, using both of his hands to fix your fingers into a fist. “ I could tell you knew how to position your thumb and pinky, but you need to work on the tightness of your fist and making sure you lock it in with your wrist.” He showed you by making a fist of his own. 

He continued on, giving you pointers until he was sure your fist was in proper form. He did this by continuously having you punch the palm of his hands to feel the progression of your punches. 

From there he moved on to posture. He showed you his own stances, and using the heavier punching bag he threw a few to show you what the entire body was supposed to look like. Once it was your turn, you tried your best with the lighter punching bag, but you could tell something was off about your stance.

“ Your fists are too low. You want to keep them level with your cheeks to make sure your face is protected,” he came over to you and moved your arms a little higher. “ Make sure your elbows stay slightly bent too,” he touched both of your elbows and moved them into a slightly angled position,” There. Now try again and take a deep breath. You’re going to cut off the circulation in your fingers if you’re too tense,” he advised. 

You stood there frozen for a second. The entire time he had helped you with your stance you were holding your breath. You were suddenly aware of just how much Matt could actually see. You knew his heightened senses had to be extraordinary to be able to fight like he did, but right now being the sole object of those senses made you feel almost naked in front of him. There were things Matt could sense and figure out that no one else could. You felt like he was staring right through you into your soul where all your secrets lay hidden. 

Like the one where you absolutely and irrevocably had feelings for him.

You did as he said and took in a deep breath trying your best to relax your shoulders and relieve some of the tension your body was holding onto. You didn’t need any of your secrets revealed tonight. 

You continued to assault the punching bag, adjusting anything Matt told you to. Unfortunately for you, the more he helped you, the more focus you lost. All of his touches on your body were lingering and leaving the desire for more. Your heart had skipped a beat way too many times you were almost convinced it would stop eventually. 

It didn’t help when he would demonstrate proper form over and over and all you could stare at is the way his muscles would flex with every hit. There was so much power and confidence in the way he went about it that made him a hundred times more attractive in your eyes.  You weren’t sure how many sessions of self-defense Matt had planned to give you, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to keep your feelings hidden for long when he was so close.

“ You almost got it. Your defensive position needs to complement your stance. Your legs should be an inch farther apart and your hips should be more like this,” his hands landed lightly on both sides of your hips causing a tiny gasp to escape your lips. There was no way he didn’t hear that. 

“ Everything okay?” He asked concerned, his face mere inches from your own. 

“Sorry, I can’t focus when you look at me like that,” you confessed, tired of fighting your own emotions. The attention he was giving you had become too much to handle. 

He frowned, confusion etching his features, ” Like what?” 

“ Like that—” you stepped away from his touch,” like with all your heightened senses. It’s like you can tell, like you know—” 

“ Like I know what?” His tone indicated he was catching on to what you meant.

Silence followed his question. 

“ Like I know what?” He repeated himself, enunciating every word while closing the gap between you once more.

“ The effect you have on me,” your voice was reduced to a whisper, but you knew he could hear you. 

It was his turn to freeze in his spot, the dots connecting in his head. 

“ I understand. You’ve had that same effect on me since the moment I met you.” It was his turn to confess. You looked at him surprised, his words giving your emotions permission to run wild once more. 

He grabbed your hand and placed it on top of his chest, right where his heart was. You felt how fast it was racing beneath your fingertips. You weren’t sure whose heart was more uncontrollable—yours or his. 

“Matt. . .” your voice trailed off not knowing what to say. What was the right thing to say in a moment like this?

Apparently, nothing said could come close to explaining the emotions that were lying within your hearts. However, actions tend to speak louder than words, so all Matt could think to do was kiss you. 

It seemed you had the same idea, as you both leaned in for a kiss at the same time. You were unprepared for how quickly the intensity of the kiss grew. Soon you were plopped up on the base of the boxing ring, Matt standing in between your legs as one kiss grew into dozens. You were both insatiable for each other, with each kiss causing the yearning for one another to become uncontainable. 

“ I think that’s a wrap for today’s lesson,” Matt suggested, pulling away to catch his breath, his hands resting on your hips. You untangled your hands from his hair and rested them on his shoulders instead, “Yeah, that’s a good idea.” A shaky laugh escaped you, as you caught your breath as well. 

He rested his forehead against yours,“ I know we should go, but I really don't want to.” You placed a quick peck on his sappy smile,“ I don’t want to either, but you have a case to continue tomorrow and I have a shift to attend.” You reminded him even though you were extremely tempted to call off work in the morning.

“ Just one more kiss then?” He requested with the sweetest look on his face. 

There was no way you could say no,“ Just one more.”

With that said, you went back to kiss him one more time confirming what you had thought previously. There was no way you could’ve hidden your feelings from Matt for long. 

You were genuinely happy you couldn’t.

[actuallyvalerie]

I hope this isn’t super unsolicited but I’ve been following you for a LOONG time and I always thought u were just anither artist that has been non-stop dedicated to their craft since they were a kid but reading ur pinned shocked me to my core 😭😭 You’re so good what!! Do you have any tips for a beginner artist that starts later in life (i’m 22) like what kind of tutorials to watch or how to study? you’re my #1 inspo when it comes to artstyle

OMG this is soooo touching really! The best feeling is to inspire others and honestly, you are making me tearing up😭😭 Yea, I'm on the beginning of my journey only, and I'm trying to observe everything I see to grow as fast as possible, since I lost pretty damn much years aswell. But to cheer you up a little, I believe that the older you get, the easier it is to learn, since you understand many things better. So what would I suggest so far and what I'm doing myself: 1. Rule numba one - observing. Literally. Become a sponge and soak up information as if your life depended on it. The thing is that in drawing, as in almost all crafts, OBSERVATION is very important. Your brain needs to get information from somewhere on how and what to do, it cannot generate from 0. And this means that your task is to fill it with information. What I advise is to collect drawings of everyone you like, no matter how cool they are. Watch speedpaintings, surround yourself with creativity, so that you slowly remember all sorts of little things. Speedpaintings are a treasure trove, you will unconsciously remember other people's ready-made solutions and make them in the future. 2. The second piece of advice is to try to repeat other people's work for learning purposes. This technique is also used in graphic design. You see the finished result - try to come to it. It doesn't matter that it won't turn out the same, but try to look at every detail and figure out how to achieve it, this will help in your own future works. 3. The third piece of advice is anatomy and fundementals. Yea-yea, it's boring, I always want to get to the fun part faster too. But literally in my last work I laughed at myself, like: "Wow, I literally draw simple shapes in the body and just smooth out the corners to make it more natural. You need to learn shapes." 4. It will probably take me a million points, so I will make this the last one as the main advice - references. Remember, your head cannot generate solutions from nowhere, so use references!! The more you draw, the more will be stored in your head and in the future you will be able to come up with everything yourself, but now, it is important to repeat what already exists. Photos are a must have! Other people's drawings - only in general, details and not a complete work. For example, I have not yet figured out how I want to draw noses - I go to see how my favorite artists do it and learn from them. And here I do not know how to paint clothes, I go and collect a collage of clothes that others do and try to understand how they came to this. 5. Last advice will be practical. Anatomy book that saving my ass - https://anatomy4sculptors.com/ Youtubers - NIRO, Pikat, Proko, Angel Ganev. Main advice - References are the most important part. Preparing for an art is important. Practicing all the time - is important. And HAVE FUN! Drawing should be FUN, it's not routine, there are lots of ways to make the process fun. :) Hope it helps! Sorry for the mistakes, English isn't my first language!

[tamelee]

Hello Tamelee! Do you have any advice to give to beginners regarding drawing? Maybe some exercices that helped you to make progress? I’ve seen that you learn to draw all on your own, and that’s really impressing (and inspiring)!! ❤️

Hi!! 🧡 thankyou so much (ノ・∀・)ノ♥︎ Ah yes of course!!! I wanted to make this earlier but I waited until I finished a few drawings to see if I could come up with more tips and find out what really helps for me.

✍️;

 I did learn to draw by myself, but I watched a lot of speed video’s for guidance ^^ I used to slow them down a lot and really tried to study what artists that I liked did, but I wouldn’t recommend this for beginners. Especially when you don’t really know the program and you won’t understand why they do what they do.

I used to copy the greyscale method even though I knew nothing about color so I heavily relied on values only which made everything look very muddy.

It’s actually only recently that I’m understanding the things that I do and I feel like my anatomy/coloring is improving slowly because of it. 

So, first, I’d highly recommend to instead of copying only as a study method, (like faces for example) to understand why things are the way they are. If you know how planes of a face work, it’s much easier to remember why a certain perspective is like that, when something feels off and how to fix it or how to lay down shadows. The ‘Asaro head’ is a favorite for many, the free version you can find HERE a video on the topic is HERE and learning how to shade is explained very well HERE. Sinix Design has a great video that goes beyond that and it may help you for different kind of faces which you can find HERE. If you're more interested in Anime faces (though the planes work the same), you can find and manipulate 3D models for free HERE or HERE that you can use as a reference. Of course you should always make it your own but they can help with perspective. In fact, you can find many different kinds of models on Sketchfab. Your character holding a cup and you aren't sure how to draw it in that angle? Find one, manipulate it, screenshot and study the perspectives ^^ (I don't recommend tracing or copying.)

Learn about environmental lighting and color temperatures instead of value's (light and dark) only!!! Trust me, the earlier you learn this, the better >*chants* color temperature, color temperature, color temp-

Anatomy is interesting. A lot of tutorials recommend you use photo's to learn it, but it confused me a lot. Pictures aren't always clear enough to see how the body parts are connected and I always thought it was a bit pointless to learn muscles, but it really isn't. I'm not sure how to explain it well, but a picture is often too complicated and you have to narrow it down to find its foundation. I personally think it's helpful to find an artist you like and look how they do anatomy if they have shared any sketches.

Not sure if that makes any sense xD but what I'm trying to say is that for me, looking at pictures alone didn't help me understand much of anything else at all and in some cases made it even more confusing. Clothing makes much more sense in drawings when they're simplified, but this also depends on style!

You can use a napkin around you finger and bend it to get a quick fold reference for a sleeve or something!

Studying the body means... well, studying the body. Naked, in underwear or swimwear. You can find many free references! But there are special anatomy reference packs that are being sold like these.

I don't really do drawing exercises because my ADD just won't allow me to. My motivation immediately drops to zero. So I can't say which ones are very helpful but always feel free to try anything you want and see what works for you! But if there's anything you should exercise always... it's your hands.

Trust me on that one. The pain for ignoring your pain is a consequence you don't want ;-; and sometimes it even leaves you unable to draw for a long time. Avoid issues with carpel tunnel or RSI as much as possible. There are many video's but you could use THIS ONE for example.

I do practice though with everything new that I create. I always try to learn something.

I think the thing that helped me a lot in the beginning was by getting the habit to save everything that I liked. An expression in a movie? I saved it. Favorite art styles? I saved them. Naruto looked particularly adorable in that panel? Saved. Sasuke's hair spikes flawlessly there? Saved it.

If you're quickly overwhelmed though (like me lol) then it's not a good idea to save a bunch of screenshots in a folder because you'll have no idea what to even look for. If you do this then try to keep things as organized as possible so you actually have some use for it and even narrow it down as much as you like. Some panels for Naruto and Sasuke for example I have saved in several folders like 'expressions', 'manga style' or 'outfit' for example. I don't want to spend too much time looking for things, because unlike some of you think, I don't have that much patience xD

INVEST IN EXTERNAL SSD('s) and BACK UP REGULARLY!! Like, everyday if you can, but at least 3x a week. Once a week at THE VERY LEAST. You'll thank yourself one day. Save your art-files so you have access to full versions always but post smaller files if you're drawing in large 300DPI (or more) files. Whatever program you use you can learn to reduce sizes, you don't need to save every layer always when you've finished a drawing, but in Photoshop for example you can 'merge layers 'duplicate all visible layers' as a copy and put it in a progress folder in case you ever need it, like so;

Some other things that helped me a lot also was to create my own short keys to flip the canvas and making the current layer I'm working on visible or not. Personally I have the flipping on 'command+§' and layer visibility on 'command+1'. If you're working with Windows you can switch command key or pick anything else you think would be easy! Flipping your canvas horizontally helps a lot to find mistakes and layer visibility.... I don't really see anyone talking about it, but when I'm rendering over a sketch and get lost in it, I often use this short-key to see if I'm not overdoing it or losing the original perspective which can easily happen!

I hope some of these are helpful, I can't really think of much more right now, but feel free to ask anyway if there is anything in particular! 🌷

[madraleen]

Genshin Impact - Natlan Archon Quests Acts I-II A gushing long commentary

-Aww, saying farewell to the Fontainians

-“Your backpack’s so full that even when it’s an emergency, it still takes all day to find anything.” That’s a personal call-out to my Traveler

-Idc what anyone says, I love the Paimon-Traveler duo

-Holy shit, the Pyroculi are so pretty

-Aw dude, this region is beautiful and the music is so good

-Kachina’s sad face, oh no bb, I’ll join your team, don’t be sad!

-That music, it just draws you in

-Every time we go to a new region, I feel like a beginner all over again, tentatively exploring everything like it might bite. Also, the confusion of “How do I get to X point -.-” so nostalgic and refreshing.

-Very interesting how ancient names are inherited

-AAAAHHH the Traveler switching between elements, SO COOOOL

-OOOH, a HUMAN Archon, interesting!

-Kinich, Ajaw and Mualani, AAAHHH, hi bbs, hi!

-Dude, Kinich has the most beautiful eyes. He’s very pretty actually, he’s so pretty in-game, I underestimated him. And he has little braids!

-I’m sorry, I’m getting distracted- you’re saying “Mualani” and “Kinich,” but I’m seeing Spider-Man and Gwen you see

-The lore is very interesting

-They’ve done a real good job promoting Mualani, she’s so familiar already in a good way

-Shut up, Kinich and Ajaw are adorable with their bickering

-AAAHHH EVERYTHING IS SO PRETTY

-Aww, Spider-Man and Gwe- AHEM, Kinich and Mualani are so sweet to Kachina

-Okay, but seriously, the way Kinich and Mualani are hyping up each other, adorable

-Kinich will make sure the girls are up on time, oh my god, this trio is adorable.

-Are we gonna question why Ajaw is a pixel, or…

-I’m sorry, Kinich makes sure the girls wake up on time, that they’ve eaten, is he the mom-friend or…

-HELLO, Mavuika!

- Chasca!! Iansan!!!

-Ooh, Mualani’s play style is so cool and her animations are great

-Traveler shielding Kachina from the NPCs, HIS FACE

-Everyone is so much prettier in-game, I underestimated them

-Holy shit??? AETHER WITH A PONYTAIL??? Him and Paimon in actually different clothes??? THEY ARE SO CUTE??? Genshin, I don’t even recognize you anymore!! And Paimon’s little double ponytails?? This is so cool, so relaxing omg. Let’s make this a thing?? This is great?? I love Aether omg, smiley boy, I want all the best for him :”(((

-The people by the sea, I want to cry, Natlan is beautiful

-Not the Traveler’s purifying power??? AFTER ALL THIS TIME?! Amazing

-“Are we her friends? Or her murderers?” Ooooof, that’s heavy

-”The raw truth can be cruel. But we need to understand it if we want to approach this rationally.”

-Traveler-Mavuika ahoge contest

-I like Mavuika. Her vibe. She seems like a good Archon.

-Capitano!! Capitano vs Mavuika!!! SHE INJURED THE FIRST OF THE HARBINGERS!!!

-Dude, the directing has improved so much over the years.

-The NPCs. They’re getting prettier.

-We’re using the purifying power as gameplay, AAAAAHHHHHH!

-I appreciate the Venti and Holy Lyre nod, thank you.

-I can’t believe we’re having such normal, open conversations with an Archon, I’ll start sobbing

-Natlan and the relationships between Natlanians are so different from what I expected and I love them

-Eyyy, Mallko’s friendly ghost!!

-Wait, so you’re saying that Mavuika, the human Archon, ~died~ 500 years ago, and woke up again in the present with her memories and appearance intact, and in the meantime the position has been filled by other human Archons, correct? Did she spawn as she is, or… Did she just appear? Like, “Hello, I too am a Natlanian, fellow contemporaries”? 

-The other two heroes should be Chasca and Citlali?

-This… feels big. The Archon and the heroes vs the Abyss. Even though we always save a nation, this feels heavier somehow.

-Also, lol, in hindsight I see the Simulanka hints.

-“Accessible.” That’s what sets Mavuika apart. I was thinking of “approachable” at first, but no, most Archons are approachable. She’s accessible- no whimsical answers, no secrecy and evasion, just honesty and openness.

-Oof, I really like Mavuika as a person.

-Is that Ororon’s voice??? Is it him??? With Capitano???

-Aah. I’m done, but I don’t want to leave the party!!

-Dude, that was A JOURNEY. That was a journey. I’m emotional, I enjoyed it so much, what a great beginning to the Natlan chapter :’)))

[daydream-the-demon]

my 10 year old friend told me I’m useless for not playing with her at the park, I was drawing and she said “ no one’s seeing it, you don’t post it, you don’t sell it so what’s the point” and she’s right I do post my “art” and not sees it cus it doesn’t look good, I have to except that I am talentless 🫠

No girlypop, you do have talent.

Many can't even draw like you. Many don't even dare to do perspectives. Many aren't good at lines or colors like you. You try hard and you put emotion and soul into your work which is better than some. (*AHEM-* AI "ART"-) Sure you have your weaknesses here and there, but many do. I see you're a beginner who has potential.

I am now a, I don't mean to brag, but I'm decent at art.

Look at my old pieces though, way back from 2022:

Uneven lines and no sense of space. But the colors are good, the concepts are good, the backgrounds aren't bad. You just have to be a little optimistic to find the good.

Now look at where I am now:

I still messed up. The first one? I didn't even care to draw the background, the hairline was wrong, the hands were weird, the hat has perspective problems. The second one has 3 dimensionality problems with the clothes, the hand is bent wrong, the face is disproportionate, I held the pencil too tightly.

Look at the progress. Mistakes happen, yes, but look. Did I ever back down? No. When I was insulted did I stop? No. Now look. I have more to go, much more, but the progress is there.

Also, you don't have to make art for anyone. That's why you have private sketchbooks, that's why you doodle on the homework you know you'll probably lose or never get back, and you do it for fun. You put in and let out feelings and vibes you have. It can wash away like your emotions at the time, but it never leaves your mind. You felt things and wanted to express them.

I remember I made a book cover for something I was writing. I have no idea where it is, or where it went. I think it ended up getting corrupted. Am I a bit sad? Of course. I'm not mad, though. I remember about it. It was a demon x angel romance, it was one of my sparks into having my obsession with demons and angels.

Now look at me, many of my OCs are angels and demons. Hell, I like Hazbin Hotel!

Art always has an influence. It's yours after all.

One last note. Give this to your "friend":

🖕

It's not their job, or anyone's, to put you down like that.

Keep going, I believe in you. Look at what I did, you can also do it. 💋💋💋

You don't need talent either. I have a friend who literally could not write anything without it looking like scribbles. Their art was the same. After practice for months though, their anatomy improved.

There is a reason people say "Practice makes perfect", because it really does. I learned much of my skills from Pinterest, and some from my art tutor. It's possible, I promise.

Make art for yourself, and most importantly have fun with it. It doesn't have to be good. It's just a hobby after all.

[hibbeln]

Been tryIng to do the legend drawing to give to you but I’m struggling so much (Q Q) i have no idea of how to make him pose and as a beginner artist I’m struggling so so much with his clothes I really want it to look good for you, I really like your blog and wanna do something for you even if it’s silly (0-0;)

Oh dear, that's so sweet! I'm really happy about that, I feel so touched that you're doing something like that for me! <3

You don't need to worry too much about it, I will really be very happy with anything you do, you have no idea how much this means to me, I really value your affection and would use your art as an icon with great pride!!!

Seriously, this made my week <333

[neverchecking]

Who’s hungry? I have another idea in place for a story, it involves our favorite boi.

So MAJOR TW: Forced Touching, Mid Choking, Mental Abuse, The usual yandere stuff. I normally don’t write like this… I hope I didn’t go to far… PSA: I don’t condone this behavior, abuse is abuse, y’all stay safe please, my mind just got stupid.

“Where are you going?” His voice remained soft and sweet when the question was asked, but the look in his eyes were anything but, this had caught you off guard. “We normally do this hun. I just gave you a kiss for the night.” Suddenly you felt the hand around your waist become tighter, as a deep voice ringed in your ears. “I didn’t wait 100 fucking years and six months for a dip in the kitty pool, Goddess.” Without a moment to waste, you found yourself flat against your back as your brain was trying to remind yourself on how to breathe through your nose. The pressure of Sage’s body being pressed against yours was too much for your mind to handle, as if you were being sandwiched between the bed and him, and you wondered if the bed would possibly break underneath you due to his roughness. Soon he lifted himself off of you and he stared sternly into your eyes, not looking away for a single second. You weren’t sure where all this tension was coming from, so you decided to use your cheekiness to lighten up the situation. “Kitty pool huh? I would have thought that you’d be in the beginners class by now.” Very poor choice of words, the grip on your shoulders became harder as you swallowed your pride. “Hey-hey now… I’m sorry. Look if you want to cuddle instead, then I’m all for it-“ A hand was placed on your neck to keep you quiet, you kept your eyes shut, feeling a little scared now to look at his eyes. They weren’t soft and sweet, they became cold and soulless. “I don’t want any cuddles. I don’t want any hugs. And I don’t want any kisses.” The hold on your neck became tighter as he spoke. “I want to drop your name and make it mine. I want to break every last egg that you have. I want to ruin your clear skin. I want to keep you here with my offspring. And I want to show everyone who you belong to.” You had to take a moment to process what Sage had just said to you. At first you thought he was angry at you, but it was the complete opposite. That didn’t help how you were feeling, so you tried to reason with him. In response he squeezed you neck again. “Look at me. Look at me when you speak.” Slowly, you did what you were told and looked at him. Sage’s face was close to yours as he could, the coldness in his eyes remained. “The only words I want to hear from you are yes. Nothing more, nothing less. Understood?” Terrified, this isn’t how you were planning for this night to end, you wanted to be soft and gentle with him. You tried to think of how to relax the tension but Sage wasn’t having that. As an not so settle reminder of the situation that you were in, he squeezed your neck for the final time, actually chocking you this time. “Not asking you again, Sun Flower. Understood?” Seeing that there was no other way around this, with the little amount of breath that you had, you nodded your head. “…yes. Yes Sage…” He quickly let go of your neck, allowing you to breathe normally, however you wouldn’t be able to get much air in as he suddenly pinned his body up against you and began to kiss you over and over. First your lips, cheeks, neck, shoulders… he went lower and lower as you tried to keep your moans to yourself. With the last amount of sense you did have, you weren’t going to reward him with your voice after what he just did. Of course, Sage didn’t care, if he wants something, he’s going to get it, any means necessary. “You might as well stop the fight my dear flower. We’re going to be here all night, it is a special one after all. So let’s celebrate our engagement together,” Sage leaned in closer as he began to take of your clothes, “Just you and me… all night… until the sun comes up.”

{also Cinder if you want to make a nsfw version of this go right ahead… I’m not innocent anymore ;-; but I never was}

ALL OF THIS IS SO GOOD?! WHAT MORE CAN I ADD TO THIS BESTIE?! I AM- IOHFIOVIOWDIODEIOD

Listen. Bestie. Everything about this is SO FREAKING GOOD. I CANT- FROM THE KIDDIE POOL BIT TO THE DOMINATION FROM SAGE

A TEAR JUST RAN DOWN MY LEG FOR THIS

[penguinmerchant]

Go Astray Binding

Strap in everyone, I have binding woes galore for this one! So this next binding is @liesmyth​‘s excellent work Go Astray. It’s actually two stories in a series, and the book I made contains both. If you ever want a masterclass in how to write character development through amazing sex scenes, go and read this! It’s so great, it’s one of the few stories that I love to death that IMO rivals the canon material. It’s SO well done.

Anyway, I promised woes. Before that, behold the glorious author copy that I made.

This is oatmeal duo cloth, and it’s fantastic. It looks SO rich and fancy in person. The foil is sisal, which I will get to in a moment. I wanted something really clean and fancy for the cover, so I went with the “astray” theme and did a compass rose that’s off kilter. The “Astray” in the title is also off kilter, although I’m not sure if that comes across so well. It’s more evident in person, I think. The font is Cinzel, which was the closest thing to the Captive Prince font that I could find. And I wanted this to be nice and clean because when you open it:

I’ve got these crazy, blood red endpapers. I LOVE the contrast between the cover and this, I think it fits with the book SO WELL and also this paper is just gorgeous. Also peep the little ribbon bookmark! The gold doesn’t go along so well with the gold in the book, but I think it’s cute.

If you’re not interested in my tale of woe of how I got here, please feel free to skip, look at the pretty pictures again, and go about your day. If you’re interested in a lot of technical book bindy stuff (as much technical stuff as a relative beginner is capable of, I guess) then keep reading! Warning, it’s long.

Okay. Here’s where it all went wonky:

I ordered some short grain paper from Colophon. You know, as a treat. What I didn’t realize, because I am a beginner, is that 80lb paper is fucking thick. And that the Mohawk paper in eggshell finish, while a freaking gorgeous paper on its own, is fucking hell on my printer. So I had to redo about 5 signatures, cleaning the drum after every one, just to make it legible. And there are still parts that have smudges on them. I don’t know if it was the weight or the finish, but my printer absolutely cannot handle this again. I would NOT recommend this paper if you have a standard brother toner printer.

The other fun thing I realized after sewing and gluing everything together was that 150 pages of 80lb paper, while technically under the 200 pages my guillotine says it can handle, is too fucking thick to fit through the guards. Luckily I had another guillotine I could use, but if I didn’t this thing would’ve been dead in the water. While I was waiting for the opportunity to use the other guillotine I decided to make my own copy out of normal printer paper, which would fit in my cutter. And here is that, on top of the author’s copy.

Yes, you’ve seen that correctly. I wanted to try and round my copy, despite not having any of the correct tools. Why? I can’t exactly say now, except I guess I thought I could? Reader, I could not. The rounding turned out extremely wonky, and as you can make out a bit in the picture, something weird happened to the bottom end of the spine (it creased? or cracked?) I’m not sure, but I think it happened because the textblock itself is twisted a bit. I had to make two cases for this thing and I don’t think the one I ended up covering works well. I measured everything like a crazy person and it still turned out too big, I think. Here’s a pic of the spine from the top and bottom.

And of course, not having any tools I just did this by hand with a normal hammer. I watched the DAS video like seven times! He did it by hand and it turned out great! (And he’s a freaking expert at book binding and had a real rounding hammer lol) I just don’t know. The gutters are weird, but I couldn’t really work out why. The crease in the bottom (second picture) is way more pronounced the further you get down, and it just doesn’t hug the book right. All in all rounding isn’t worth it for me, and I don’t particularly care for the look even when it’s done right. It helped with the swell of the signatures, for sure, but I’d rather deal with a triangle book than try and round another one. I actually really like the flat spine.

Also, you may have noticed the endpapers on this one are not quite the same as the first:

Because I cut the the red papers with the correct grain (more idiot me), I didn’t have enough left over for a second copy. HOWEVER, I love this blue (blue’s my favorite color) and I love that one copy is red and the other is blue. It doesn’t hit as well as the red when you open it, I don’t think, but the SYMBOLISM! Also I messed up the cover lol

I forgot to weed out just a few areas there, and as difficult as this stupid sisal HTV was to stick on I didn’t notice until there was no coming back from it. SIDE NOTE: I hate the sisal foil paper. It’s way easier to weed than the cricut, that’s for sure, but it sticks so much worse. It takes forever for it to stick (same as cricut, honestly) but it gets really gummy and it’s way harder to take it off the transfer paper than the cricut is. I am for sure not going to use this brand again, although after a little crying and begging it eventually turned out looking pretty good. Except for that “y” on the spine, lol. It’s peeking up there.

Also, if you want to see the difference between 80lb paper and 20lb paper, here you go:

Same book, same amount of pages. 80lb paper is over 1/4 inch thicker. It sits so well though. It’s very nice paper.

My last note, I swear, is that this is the first book I’ve done with these dimensions. It’s about 5.5 by 8 (the rounded one is a bit smaller in all directions) and it’s great. It has a great feeling when you hold it, it was easy to cut (printed on 8.5x11 paper, cut .5 inches off of each side once bound) and as long as the books are long enough I’m probably going to make everything else I do going forward this size.

Look at her. She’s beautiful. And soon she’ll get to live on her author’s bookshelf! @liesmyth​, thank you so much for gracing us with this wonderful work, and I hope you enjoy!

[somediyprojects]

DIY Ottoman Slipcover

Project by Brett Bara:

If you’ve got a boring old ottoman hanging around, or if, like me, if you happen to find one of those plain cubes on sale, it’s easy to recover with a custom slip cover.  This is another fantastic way to bring some fun textiles into a room with a project that you can sew in an afternoon or less. (I swear!)

This slip cover uses only basic straight seams, and I’ll show you the trick for getting nice, sharp 3-D corners. So let’s get started! –Brett Bara

What You’ll Need

1-2 yards fabric, depending on the size of your ottoman

Sewing thread to match

Tape measure

Sharp scissors

Straight pins

Sewing machine

Iron and ironing board

Selecting and Preparing Fabric

A heavier-weight fabric is great for this project since you’ll want it to be sturdy enough to stand up to some wear and tear. Heavy cotton, canvas or duck cloth are all great choices, as are many upholstery fabrics. If you have kids or pets or otherwise expect your ottoman to need to be laundered regularly, you might want to choose a machine-washable option. As always, I recommend beginners start with smooth-textured fabrics, so avoid any options with a lot of texture until you’re comfortable with sewing.

I’m using Butterfly Jubilee from Mod Green Pod, which is a heavy cotton.

If your fabric is machine-washable, wash, dry and iron it before beginning.

Measuring and Cutting

Measure the ottoman from edge to edge, and note the size of the top and sides.

To the top piece: add ¾” to the height and width. So if the ottoman top measures 14” square, you need to cut 1 piece of fabric that’s 14 ¾” square.

To each side piece: add ¾” to the width and 1 ½” to the length. So if each side of the ottoman measures 14” square, you need to cut 4 pieces of fabric that are 14 ¾” by 15 ½”. (As you proceed, be sure to sew the side pieces so that the longer sides are vertical; the extra length is for the hem.)

*Note: these instructions call for a ½” seam allowance, yet I’ve instructed you to cut each piece ¾” larger than actual size (normally you’d cut each piece 1” larger than actual size, to allow for the ½” seam allowance on both edges). But because you want the slip cover to be snug, we’re decreasing the normal 1” extra to ¾”, for just a smidge of negative ease.

Time to Start Sewing

Place two side panel pieces right sides together, with longer edges aligned. (You will be sewing along the longer edges.) Remember to check to be sure your fabric pattern print is facing in the right direction so that your print won’t be upside-down!

The trick of this project is that you want nice, neat corners on your slip cover. To accomplish this, leave ½” unsewn at the top of the seam. Measure ½” from the top edge of the fabric and place a pin to mark the spot. Continue to pin the two pieces together along the entire edge you will be sewing.

Begin sewing at the first pin with a ½” seam allowance. (Again, leaving that first ½” open). Backstitch to reinforce at the beginning and end of this and all seams for this project, and continue sewing all the way to the edge of the fabric.

This is what it will look like with the open ½” at the top of the seam.

Sew all four side pieces together in this manner, forming a tube. Iron all seams open and flat.

Slip the tube over the ottoman to make sure it fits well. If it’s not snug enough, make note of how much smaller it needs to be, and redo the seams where necessary. It it’s too snug, you can let out seams.

Now it’s time to add the top piece. Align one edge of the top with the edge of one of the sides. To get nice, neat corners, here’s the trick: Fold down the ½” open flap at the top of the side seam, completely out of the way. Then place the top piece of fabric over this.

Feel with your finger where that folded-over flap ends, and place a pin at an angle right at the spot where you feel the fabric ending underneath. Your goal will be to begin the next seam right at that spot. This spot is ½” from the top edge of the fabric, with a ½” seam allowance.

Continue to pin along the seam, and repeat the same process at the other corner, folding down the fabric underneath and placing a pin at that spot.

Sew along this edge, from corner to corner, with a ½” seam allowance – beginning and ending the seam ½” from the edge of the fabric (so you’re leaving ½” open on both ends). Remember to back stitch to reinforce the beginning and end of these seams.

Repeat around all four edges of the top, pinning and sewing each side separately as you go.

You’re almost done! Turn the slip cover right-side out and try it on again for size. Take this opportunity to double-check the hem; you should have 1” of excess fabric along the bottom for the hem, but if any shifting occurred, you may have more or less. Take note of that now and adjust accordingly when turning up the hem.

Turn the piece inside-out again and clip the corners on all three sides where they intersect. Removing this excess fabric reduces bulk inside the corners, for sharper edges.

To hem the bottom, turn under the fabric ½” along all 4 sides of the bottom, pressing as you go. Turn under another ½”, press, and pin in place.

Sew the hem, close to the interior folded edge. Finally, press open all seams on the finished piece.

You’re done! Don’t you love your new ottoman??

[miagwynwrites]

L.O.M.L - A Kyubin Fic

Genre: smut, and super super fluffness overload uwu

CW:  it’s a lil sad in the beginning but it’s okay! It gets better! mentions of body and self esteem issues, chubby reader, virgin reader, female reader, experienced kyubin 👉👈 It’s like a full on walk through of the entire sexual experience so a lot of kissing, UNPROTECTED HAND HOLDING, like kind of breast worship? a little bit, light nipple play, lil love bites uwu, A Guide to the Handjob: For Beginners, some light finger blasting, that one cunny licking word that ion how to spell but I wanted it to sound nicer than “pussy eating” PROTECC THE PEEN DURING THE SIDEWAYS DOLPHIN, so many pet names (I went overboard because I am a slut) ITS REALLY SWEET AND CUTE SEX NOT ROUGH AND A LOT OF CUTE TOUCHING AND THINGS

Length: 15k+

Summary: you put all your trust into your boyfriend and you never thought you'd fall even more in love with him <3

Pairings: shin kyubin x female reader

A/N: I JUST WANT TO THANK THE LOVELY @enhyp3nen FOR SUGGESTING A PART 2 IM GONNA BE SCREAMING THE ENTIRE TIME I WRITE THIS OMG I CANNOT SKSKSKSKK SKRRT! So yes thank you for this suggestion and I hope you like this part just as much as the first! Btw we need more Kyubin specific writings of any and every kind HE IS THE SUN UGH. I’m love him and he just..ok let’s get on with it uwu! P.S since this is literally my life’s work I would really love if I got feedback on it. I do think it’s one of my best fics but I know it’s not totally perfect so I’ve anyone wants to say something nice about it please don’t say it’s horrible I will cry this took me like…idk months. But no pressure if you don’t want to say anything. Like if you just like it that’s cool too  👉👈 🦬

It was exactly eight at night when you came into the living room. Just as you had hoped, there was your wonderful boyfriend Kyubin sitting on the couch watching tv.

Tonight you were finally going to initiate sex for the very first time in your relationship. After what happened in the shower that one time you worked your very hardest to feel better about yourself and put more trust in Kyubin. He had given you the whole ‘love yourself’ talk so many times you finally listened to his advice and put his words and that talk to good use. You stepped up and stepped out of your comfort zone a few times which surprised your boyfriend but the way he got excited and happy to see you become more confident in yourself and the way he praised you even more made you truly want to take the next step. He never stopped telling you he was going to support you through all the things you did.

You took a deep breath and approached him. You still weren’t confident enough to entice him with any special lingerie but since this was such a big step for you you didn’t think it mattered. You spent hours before now in the bathroom, showering, making sure your legs were shaved and smooth, shaving other parts of you body; you didn’t want to look like a gorilla. You sprayed on just a little bit of perfume to hopefully mask the nervous sweat before changing into clean clothes. One of Kyubin’s t-shirts and a pair of shorts that you mostly wore around when Kyubin was not home. Super soft pink shorts with a ribbon tied in the front. You didn’t want to overdo yourself but you wanted to look good for him to the best of your ability. Your hair was still a bit wet as you tucked it behind your ear. You opted to keeping it lose instead of the go-to ponytail it was always in. Like you said, you wanted to look good but in a comfortable way.

“Kyubin,” you called out trying your very best to sound clear and confident. You wanted to be able to communicate well with your boyfriend especially now. There was no backing down from this tonight. You had worked so hard to get to where you are now and nothing was going to get in your way. Kyubin turned to you and as he did you started blushing like crazy. His eyes were widening slightly at the sight. A comforting smile spread across his beautiful face, the kind that always gave your tummy butterflies. Your heartbeat was speeding up and your mind was starting to get mushy with every and any thought going through your head.

“Hey baby,” Kyubin repositioned himself on the couch and held his hand out for you. You gave a small smile and joined him on the couch. “Look at you baby. Oh, are you out of clean clothes? I can do some laundry?” Kyubin questioned. His hand went up to cup your now beat red face. His thumb very slowly caressed your cheek. “Kyubin,” you began. You were suddenly extremely nervous. Why did Kyubin think you were out of clean clothes? Did he think you were dressed like a slob? He wouldn’t really think that would he, it was just a question. I mean he’s never seen you in anything other than pants. Mostly sweats. Despite all the cute skirts and dresses you had in your closet you never wore them. Negative thoughts started to gather in your head but you pushed them back. ‘One step at a time’ you thought to yourself.

“I wanted to wear shorts. I usually only wear them when you aren’t home..but tonight I wanted to..” you stopped your sentence. Kyubin shifted so his body was facing you, his right arm around the back of the couch and his left hand slowly resting on your thigh. Not on the skin but just on top of your shirt. It was awfully long anyway. Kyubin’s hand was warm on your thigh, when you looked down his large hand looked very small against your thighs that were, well, big. His thumb moved slowly along the cotton material of the shirt.

When you looked up at Kyubin again there was a loving and comforting look across his entire face, his eyes were locked on yours, a small very slight twinkle that only comes out when he looks at you. It made you smile a little wider. “You look very cute my love.” Every time Kyubin called you a sweet nickname like this you felt your heart burst out of your chest and you fought every urge to kiss him. You’ve never even made out with your boyfriend until you were in the shower with him. It drove you crazy that you couldn’t just be intimate with him whenever. You unconsciously looked down beginning to wring your hands. You did this when you started to get nervous or if you were about to cry. What a shame it was that you happened to be doing both right now. This wasn’t the way you wanted it to go. You wanted to be confident in asking him and now you just seemed pathetic.

“Hey,” Kyubin lightly grabbed your chin and lifted it up so your eyes met his. “You look cute. It’s very big of you to wear something like shorts with me in the house. Especially since you’re always in sweatpants all the time.” Kyubin chuckles causing you to laugh a little. “I know I say this all the time but you are absolutely stunning. You are my beautiful girlfriend no matter what and I will continue to tell you until you believe it yourself.” Kyubin spoke softly but clearly making sure you heard his every word. He wiped your tears away with his thumb.

This was it. You should speak up now while you and Kyubin are having this talk. Remember, one step at a time? You can do this. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly you opened your mouth. “Kyubin, I dressed up for you. Well, kind of. Tonight..” you paused. Could you do this? Were you really ready like you thought you were? You reached up and grabbed Kyubin’s hand that was cupping your cheek and lowered it into your lap. You held his hand with both your hands, running your thumb over the back of his hand. You made eye contact with Kyubin, you did all you could to keep the tears at bay, the nerves shooting through your body like electricity.

Kyubin’s other hand was lightly patting your head. He said nothing but waited so patiently for you to continue. “Kyubin,” you repeat his name once again. “I want to have sex tonight.” You did it. You finally said it. Your face was so hot and you were starting to nervous sweat but you did it. You were expecting Kyubin to be happy at your confession but he looked sad and a little confused. You looked into his eyes for any confirmation that he heard anything you just said. What if he changed his mind and didn’t want to have sex with you? What if-

“Are you sure you are ready?” Kyubin interrupted your thoughts. He placed the hand that wasn’t been held by you over yours and you let him hold your hands in his. “I haven’t pressured you too much have I? Are you feeling bad because we haven’t gotten intimate?” You shook your head. “No it’s not that. Kyubin..I’ve been working on myself these past couple months and..and I want to show you that I’m ready to be intimate with you. Kyubin, I want to have sex and make love to you. I want to feel good and make you feel good and just have fun with you sexually. I’m ready.” Your voice wavered because of nerves but you did your best to sound confident. Kyubin sat there for a moment. He was thinking, you could tell because his eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes were locked on something spacing out. He did that when he was thinking, you thought it was sexy to be really honest. Then he unexpectedly pulled you into a hug. His big arms held you and you smiled but started to tear up. Were you still nervous or were you happy and relieved? Maybe you were scared of what was to come.

When he pulled away he held your face with both his hands and brought his lips to yours for a quick kiss. “I’m so fucking proud of you my love. So so proud.” You smiled leaning into Kyubin’s hand. Kyubin rose to his feet and held his hand out once again to help you up. You got this sudden surge of excitement that you couldn’t help but let out a giggle. You loved that he was actually happy about your confession and that he was so proud of you. Your hard work really did pay off. He grabbed your hand as you walked slowly to your bedroom. Whenever you glanced at him he looked at you with that huge and wholesome smile. He couldn’t stop smiling.

When you got to the bed he sat you down right in the middle gently. It was the next step. The two of you in each other’s presence just a couple articles of clothing away from molding your bodies together in sweet sweet bliss. Just the thought of it alone had your head spinning. And then you had a negative thought. You would be completely naked and exposed in front of him. This time it wasn’t in the shower and you were actually going to go further than kissing. What if he changed his mind in the middle of it? What if he pulled another stunt like he did in the shower. Memories flooded back into your mind of how he turned into some type of lust craving animal and it terrified you, the way his lips attacked your wet skin and his hands had a mind of their own. You started to cry. This was definitely not how you wanted things to go at all.

“Y/n, my love. Look at me.” Kyubin tucked your hair behind your ear waiting for your eyes to meet with his. He gave a small smile. “It’s okay to be nervous. It’s okay to feel a little uneasy. It’s okay that you are scared. Everything will be alright I promise you that. I will take care of you alright? You have my word.” You broke a smile. Kyubin really was the best and most wonderful man in your entire life. The sweetest boyfriend. 

“Communication is super important from here on out okay. You have the wheel, let me know how everything is along the way alright? You are in charge okay? Just promise me one thing,” Kyubin gently held the back of your head and brought his forehead to yours. You could smell his scent and it helped calm you down. “If at any time you get uncomfortable you tell me. If at any time no matter how far along we are, you want to stop you tell me and I will stop. If you need a break you tell me, if you need anything at all you open that pretty mouth of yours and tell me nice and clear with your words you understand me?” 

You nodded. This dominant side of Kyubin was so hot and you could honestly say it was a huge turn on. Knowing that he would take care of you in the bedroom was something that you never dreamed would happen. It made your heart go crazy. “Communication y/n, use your words. I need to hear that you understand.” Your breathing became heavy your eyelids were closing. You felt a warm sensation through your entire body. Was this you being turned on? “Y-Yes. I understand Kyubin. I will Kyuuu~” You couldn’t focus on anything anymore your brain was turning into mush and so were your words.

You opened you eyes and were met with Kyubin’s, the sparkle that he always had while looking at you even brighter. “I’m gonna love you so much tonight, make you feel amazing, help you explore that beautiful body of yours. I’ll take care of you my love.” He said cupping your face gently. You wanted to dive right in a start kissing him on his pretty lips but you had a pit at the bottom of your stomach. Something was bothering you and you needed to talk to Kyubin about it. You didn’t know if you felt guilty or angry or scared but you had to say something now before things got too far.

“Um, Kyubin. C-can we talk. About what happened in the shower?” Your voice wasn’t very convincing, it sounded weak and scared but Kyubin understood all the thoughts and emotions going through you and he knew that you were trying your best tonight. He nodded resting his hand gently on your thigh. You let out a deep breath before you continued. “What happened Kyu?” It took a moment for him to answer, he was probably gathering his thoughts. He was surprised that you brought it up in fact. Kyubin figured you pushed it behind you but it looks like it was still bothering you. 

Kyubin sighed. “I don’t know.” His voice sounded confused and unsure. He wouldn’t look at you. For a moment you wondered if he himself attempted to push the situation to the back of his mind like you did. Did it even bother him? And why was he not looking at you when he had all night? “I don’t know..” he said again. His head was down and he removed his hands from your thigh and began messing with his fingers like what you do when you get fidgety or anxious. Like you did earlier before you cried. You didn’t know what was going on and so you placed your hand on his arm and that’s when your sweet boyfriend Kyubin looked up at you with teary eyes. Your heart sank a bit seeing him like this. 

You wondered if he was capable of having a panic attack. Was he having one right now? What was going on in that brain of his. His eyes shifted around the room his bottom lip quivering. He shook his head before finally meeting your eyes.

“I don’t know. I don’t know I- something just came over me like I was turning into some animal and and I couldn’t stop myself. It was like I was in a trance.” Kyubin’s hands were shaking and you quickly grabbed them and ran circles over the back of his hands with your thumbs. Clear tears fell down Kyubin’s cheeks every time he blinked. His eyes kept looking down and around the room. “I don’t know what came over me. I don’t know if I was in the moment and just wanted to have you because I was feeling impatient. I don’t know if I was frustrated with you for not trusting me and I just wanted to force you to get intimate..” 

You placed one of your hands against Kyubin’s cheek so his head would stay in one place. You didn’t say anything because you knew Kyubin wasn’t done talking so you just listened trying your best not to choke up over his words and stay calm for him. This was something you’d never seen from Kyubin. He was showing a very shy and vulnerable side of him and you needed to be there for him in this moment. 

“When I saw the horrified look in your eyes and you pushed me away I couldn’t deal with myself I don’t know why I did what I did. I don’t know why I hurt you and took advantage of you like that when I knew that you were not ready for anything like that. I knew you were hurting and I’m so so sorry that I just turned into a monster that night. I wanted to hold you immediately and explain everything and apologize and I wanted you to be ok but I wanted to give you space. I felt horrible and I still do. I’m sorry darling I really am.” You scooted a bit closer to wrap your arms around Kyubin. He was warm and smelled nice and he found it comforting to be held in your arms for once. “Kyubin, I trust you more than anyone in my life. When you did that I was worried that you got tired of waiting for me and you felt like you had to rush it. It was scary Kyubin. You won’t lose control like that tonight. Will you?” You whispered choking up.

Kyubin quickly pulled away from you holding your face in his hands. “No. No absolutely not, I will never pull anything like that ever again my love I promise you I never will. No tonight I will take care of you and it will be much different from what happened then I promise. I never want to hurt you like that again.” Kyubin slightly rubbed his nose against yours both of you now in tears from the talk. You were now confident and even more trusting of Kyubin. You slowly pressed your lips into his. It was sudden but Kyubin slowly relaxed his body one of his hands staying on your cheek the other gently twirling some of your hair around his finger before placing that hand on your upper arm. His lips were so soft and warm on yours. It felt good and calming and you were very much enjoying this kiss. 

Kyubin slowly pulled away and looked into your eyes before kissing you again. A little longer this time. You let your hand roam up his chest where they found home in his beautiful hair. You didn’t pull on his hair but you did run your hand through it feeling his soft locks in between your fingertips. The kiss was so sweet and he was so gentle. Pulling away slowly blushing just to go back in and taste your lips over and over. Kyubin loved the way you small lips molded into his. He kept the kiss at a gentle and slow pace just enjoying this new moment for both of you. He was finally kissing his pretty girl like this for the first time. It made his heart swell up. When he pulled away again he looked at you. Your bottom lip curling in to become trapped between your teeth. The pink on your cheeks making you look even more adorable. 

Your eyes looked up at him. Kyubin’s heart was pounding so loud he was sure you could hear it. Without another thought you kissed Kyubin a little more intensely. Your hands were now placed on his chest, your fingers curling to grip his shirt. Kyubin was taken aback when you slowly pushed your tongue into his mouth. Parting his lips as your soft tongue touched his. Kyubin was in another world. He could’ve gotten drunk off of this kiss. He tested the waters, pushing your tongue back with his it was his turn to enter your mouth. Kyubin could’ve sworn he heard a faint moan as his tongue moved around your soft and small mouth. Both your eyes were shut so tight just enjoying the moment and each other. This continued, letting each other explore one another’s mouths with their tongues feeling how soft y/n’s mouth was and the way her tongue tickled when it entered Kyubin’s. You finally both pulled away a trail of saliva connecting her tongue to yours. Kyubin wanted to go back in but he held back. His love was a bit out of breath and he wanted her to let him know how she felt before he went any further. She was so so pretty like this Kyubin really couldn’t help imagining what she might look like all fucked out just for him. Her soft tongue hanging out slightly, the rise and fall of her chest, the sparkly haze in her eyes and of course the color of pink or maybe red on her face from it all. Kyubin pushed that thought to the back of his mind. “How was it? How are you feeling right now?” He asked softly. He had to catch his breath as well. Kyubin had never been so excited over a kiss before. He could honestly say it took his breath away.

“It was perfect.” you said in a low whisper. You were so nervous to look into Kyubin’s eyes as your face was so warm from all this blushing. “I- I like the way you kiss. I like your lips, a lot.” you tucked a fallen strand of hair behind your ear before looking up at Kyubin. He was smiling so wide and his cheeks almost matched with the same shade of pink as yours. “I’m glad. I like your lips too. Nice and soft.” Kyubin leaned into you again giving you a quick kiss on the nose before going back to your lips. It was another slow kiss, you could feel butterflies in your stomach you were so excited to be kissing him. It felt unreal for you. You were in heaven right now and it was only from his lips. You felt both of Kyubin’s hands gently hold your sides and you jumped a bit breaking the kiss. You looked down and back up at Kyubin.

“I’m sorry. Is it okay if I touch you? Did that make you uncomfortable?

Kyubin asked worry in his voice. He looked into your eyes watching for a reaction. You gave a small smile. “It’s okay, I’m alright.” Kyubin nodded and placed his hands back on your side holding you. You found yourself moving your hands up to cup his face, gently rubbing your thumbs against his soft skin. His hands felt so warm and comforting on your hips. You both pulled away only for a second before Kyubin shifted a little closer to you. One hand held the back of your neck and his other hand rested against the small of your back. As his arm snaked around behind you and his fingers touched the skin on the back of your neck a shiver went up your spine. It was a new feeling for you. You felt very warm and giddy.

You two continued to kiss slowly, allowing Kyubin to place his hands on different places on your body like your thighs and arms. He kept coming back to place his hands on your hips though and it made you smile against his lips. Kyubin pulled away once again now placing both his hands on your arms slowly rubbing up and down your skin. You were getting used to his touch and were ready to move on. “Is it okay if I take your shirt off?” he asked. ‘uh oh,’ you thought. ‘were you gonna back out now? after you made it so far already?’ Kyubin sensed your hesitation as your arms immediately hugged your stomach. You slowly nodded your head. “Yes, you can.” you said moving your hands away from you raising them up above your head. You were blushing more and more as this was continuing. You had so many feelings in you and it was hard to contain them all.

 Kyubin took the bottom of your shirt and very slowly took it off of you and set it on the bed. Kyubin’s entire expression changed upon seeing you, his eyes lit up and he smiled for the umpteenth time that night. Kyubin was like a smiling vending machine. It made you smile despite the nerves. It was natural for you to cover yourself and so when your hand went to cover your bra and stomach Kyubin was patient with you.

“Look at me y/n.” he said in that sexy dominant yet gentle tone. His hands grasped yours slowly moving them from your body. He held them in is on your thighs. “This is big step for you isn’t it? There’s no need to cover up okay? Look at you, you are absolutely gorgeous.” Kyubin eyed you taking in your light pink bra and the little bit of fat that sat around your waist. Kyubin wanted to squeeze you so bad. “You’re so cute babe.”

“B-but I’m fat..please don’t say such things Kyubin.” you wanted to cry more but you were so tired of crying. Kyubin smiled at you letting go of your hands and placed them on your stomach and then moving them to your hips again. You inhaled sharp, your eyelashes fluttered as Kyubin suddenly leaned down to press his lips to your stomach. His lips felt nice on your stomach, he was slow just like he had been so far. Each kiss causing your heart to skip a beat. You didn’t say anything as you just let Kyubin kiss you. He moved up to your shoulders leaving a trail of light pecks up and along your collarbone. You tilted your head to the side so he could get your neck which caused a shiver to shoot up your spine.

“You’re perfect you know that? Absolutely perfect.” Kyubin hugged you close as he kept kissing your neck. You almost felt lightheaded or dizzy because his lips felt so good on your skin. “Kyubin,” you spoke up pulling yourself back a bit. He stopped and looked up at you. “What’s wrong? Do you want to stop?” you shook your head and let out a big breath. “It’s just a lot of feelings and things. You know? Your lips feel so good and I feel them all over me and I get a little dizzy or something. A-and my stomach turns, l-like butterflies and and..” you trailed off.

“Do you want to take a break? Do you need some water?” He questioned grabbing your hands again, intertwining his fingers with yours. You shook your head. “Can I take your shirt off?” you asked Kyubin. When he nodded you squeaked out of excitement. Your hands were shaking trying to fiddle with the buttons on Kyubin’s silk shirt but when you slipped it down his shoulders revealing his chest and toned arms and abs you were in awe. Of course you had seen Kyubin multiple times without a shirt, the man worked out for fucks sake but in this context it felt so much different. Kyubin took his shirt off the rest of the way placing it next to yours as you stared at him.

“Hey, it’s not nice to stare.” he laughed petting your hair. “I’m sorry, your just..well..you’re so pretty Kyu.” You were in a trance as your hands slowly touched Kyubin’s abs, your fingertips on his warm skin moving up to his chest and feeling his biceps and just touching his beautiful skin. You rested one hand on his shoulder leaning towards him raising up a bit, as he was taller than you even while sitting down, and you left light and soft kisses on his neck. You heard a faint moan come out of him which caused you to giggle. “You’re doing so good love. Your lips feel so good.” By now you were starting to feel as though things weren’t progressing fast enough. It had probably been maybe two hours and you still had most of your clothes on. You laughed a bit confusing your boyfriend. “Um..” you began becoming confident enough to reach into the back and start unclipping your bra. Whoever made bras that clip in the back can go to hell cause you were embarrassing yourself trying get the damn thing off. You sighed in defeat. “Stupid bra.” you mumbled. Kyubin let out a light laugh seeing you trying so hard and going nowhere. You started to laugh as well which helped shake more nerves off.

“Do you want me to get it?” You nodded and Kyubin slowly unhooked your bra. He let you hold it up until you were ready to take it off and when you did he acted like an excited puppy. You could barely get the bra on the bed before he quickly pulled you in a tight hug. 

“Kyubin? Are you okay?” you asked. He was so confusing sometimes. “You’re so cute I can’t believe it. Look at you y/n!” his tone was full of excitement, smiling from ear to ear. How many times was he going to smile so wide tonight? You giggled as he pulled away to look at you. “You’re doing so good I’m so proud of you! You’re so so beautiful I love you.” 

Kyubin had never been so excited in his entire life it was like unwrapping the best present ever. Kyubin took your hands in his and kissed the back of them while looking up at you with his beautiful eyes. “You’re so excited Kyubin..do I look okay?” you were happy that Kyubin was in such a good mood but you were still shy about this whole situation.

Kyubin smiled and went in for another kiss. This kiss felt different. His body was touching yours, you could feel his skin on yours, and knowing that you were bare from the waist up made the kiss feel dirty and rebellious. Your hand found home in Kyubin’s soft locks once again as you two enjoyed an extra long kiss your tongues very gently touching and rubbing against each other. You even got Kyubin’s breath to hitch when you playfully bit his bottom lip for the first time. Kyubin couldn’t stop smiling he was totally over the moon right now. The fact that he was so happy, not rushing you and treating you so well and he wasn’t even in your pants yet not only gave you a huge boost of confidence but it made you feel so much more safe and loved by him. You couldn’t ask for anything better than this moment.

He placed more kisses on your neck and shoulders, rubbing your back, petting you hair and stopping to hold you in his arms. The only thing he seemed to forget was answer your question. “Kyubin, you didn’t answer me.” you said firmly. He stopped and looked up at you raising one eyebrow. You rolled your eyes and smiled. “I asked you if I looked ok..you know..here.” you gestured to your chest. Kyubin frowned for the first time in a while. “What do you mean love, of course you look okay, you look perfect. Why?” You started to fiddle with your fingers again. The realization of reality was starting to kick in. You were half naked in front of your boyfriend and you were going to have sex with him tonight. Which meant he would see your entire body and watch and listen as your body did things it’s never done before. What if he didn’t like it. Did he even like your breasts?

As always Kyubin sensed an uneasy feeling and got all serious but still loving. “Y/n my love, what’s going on in this pretty little head of yours? Do you want to stop. Nothing is set in stone, we don’t have to do this tonight you have the wheel here-”

“Do you like my breasts?” you blurted out cutting Kyubin off. You were so tired of crying but you started again tears quickly filling up to your waterline and running fast down your cheeks. Kyubin’s face softened and he sighed. Once again Kyubin grabbed your hands to hold in his rubbing the back of them to help calm you down. “I mean, like, do they look okay? Are they too gross or small or something?” you reached up and lightly slapped them in a disgusted way and Kyubin picked up on that and pulled your hands away. “Y/n stop. Stop thinking so negatively about yourself. It hurts my heart every time you bring up an insecurity and ask me if I’m okay with it. You know that I love you. I tell you everyday and if it doesn’t feel like I do then I need to make sure it is crystal clear that I do. Have I ever said that I didn’t like your body? Have I ever told you that your aren’t good enough?”

You shrugged meeting Kyubin’s eyes with yours. Wiping away some of your own tears you sighed. “No but I can’t help feeling the way I do. I don’t know Kyu, I just feel like I’m not good enough for you. I wish I was sexy you know? I want to be super skinny and have great boobs like other girls and I want men to look at me, and I want to be flirted with and I want to feel good in revealing clothing. Don’t you want that for me?” You lowered your head your eyes just focusing on the bedspread. Kyubin grabbed your chin and raised it up so you were looking at him. His expression told you he was not happy. Why did your stupid feelings have to get in the way and ruin everything? It was going good until it wasn’t.

“I don’t want you to be skinny and look like every other girl I’ve ever dated. I want you to look like you. I want you to have more to yourself then just looks. I don’t want you ever thinking you need to look a certain way to please me or any other man and I sure as hell don’t want you thinking a man will only want you if you are skinny and have the body of every damn super model on the runways today. You’ve watched those shows, you know they go through harsh and unhealthy diets to get that skinny. it’s not fair on your body or mind to push yourself to be at an unhealthy weight.”

“But I’m fat.”

“You are a healthy weight. You are not in danger of any health risks or death, you are perfectly healthy. Yes you have some chub, yes you are not a twig but I don’t care. I don’t care if your boobs are the size they are now or if they are the size of a fucking peanut babe, honestly. You’re hurting yourself with this mindset that you are not enough. You are more than enough. I love you from the inside out. Every single part of your body, every vein, stretch mark, hair, and everything in between. It’s always about how you make me feel that I love about you. You could wake up one day and be purple with yellow polka dots and I would still love you. You have a good heart, a good personality. You are sweet and make me laugh and you are just perfect in every way I can think of.” he cupped the side of your face wiping away more tears as they continued to fall down your face.”I’m sorry Kyu.” you spoke up reaching for his wrist with your hand.

“You have nothing to be sorry about. I know this is really hard for you and I know it’s going to take some time but I promise I am going to be with you every single step of the way. I am your number one fan darling. You should never ever compare yourself with others. You know they could be feeling the same way as you. Just because you aren’t a certain way that you think is the standard does not mean that I will love you any less. I chose you over so many others.” 

Kyubin rubs his nose to yours and places a quick kiss to your lips. “I want nothing more than for you to love your body and be confident and enjoy everything life has to offer. You deserve every bit of happiness and I won’t let anything get in the way of that. I don’t care how many times I will give you this talk, I will continue to do so as long as I live I swear to you. You can’t make me not love you or fall in love with you anymore than I already have. Y/n, you know I’m just head over heels in love with everything about you.” You smile and hug Kyubin.

“Do you still feel like continuing? You seem very tired. Do you want to call it a night?” You violently shook your head. “No, please Kyu, I want this. I want you tonight please..I just need to work this out.”

“I’m with you all the way love.” Kyubin was so sweet you could throw up. What did you do to deserve such a great and wonderfully sweet boyfriend like him? “Shall we continue?” Kyubin asked. You were ready to feel Kyubin’s warm and comforting touch again. It was quiet for a little bit, you two just stared into each others eyes, you loved the way Kyubin’s eyes sparkled so bright. His eyes were so pretty. “Can I touch you here?” he broke the silence gesturing to your chest. Your heart was pounding so hard you thought it might jump to your throat. “Yes, yes Kyubin..please.” your tone of voice and confirmation in the form of asking surprised Kyubin and he wondered if you were starting to get aroused.

Warm hands gently cupped each breast holding them for awhile letting you get used to them being touched and held. You were nervous sweating and it was in fact more embarrassing than having your boyfriend hold your breasts. Kyubin looked up at you for a silent approval. Despite him saying you needed to use your words some things you both understood with just the look in your eyes. Kyubin gently squeezed one breast in his hand causing a light gasp to fall from your lips. His hands were so warm and felt even better on your breasts then when they were on your hips. He took his time playing with your breasts. Squeezing and pushing them together, paying special attention to the pretty noises you made. He made eye contact with you as his fingers pinched and rolled the nipple on you left breast. You gasped again flinching slightly at the new sensation.

“Kyubin, h-how’d you get s-so confident. You know, with yourself?” You asked while he was working your nipple into a point. His fingers were so delicate and and did such a good job of applying just the right amount of pressure. “I just kinda trained myself I guess. Tried my very best to work on myself and not let the comments of other’s get to me.” He was so good at multitasking it was blowing your mind. You were itching to found out what else he could do with his fingers. Your thoughts were becoming too dirty but you couldn’t help it. You had never felt this way before. Kyubin’s touches were literally heaven. He knew how to make you squirm under him and it made you wonder all the things he could do to you with his co-”

“Ahh Kyu~” your thoughts were cut off as you felt his wet tongue touch your right nipple, his fingers still rolling at your left nipple. Like a new reflex you grabbed Kyubin’s head with your right hand and held him in place as his tongue licked and played around with your nipple. You could feel him smiling and feel what you only assumed was arousal pool between your legs. You had no idea what this feeling was inside you but you were getting tingles all over your body, your head, the back of your neck, up your spine and even between your legs. You couldn’t control how red your face was now, the more Kyubin sucked the more vocal you got. He switched to your left nipple doing the same thing. He himself started to gently moan and hum to get you more in the mood and help again to make you feel more comfortable. The moment his teeth grazed at your nipple you let out the prettiest moan Kyubin had ever heard. You fell back on the bed breathing heavy, closing your legs as fast as you could. It was overwhelming what you were feeling but you were just so excited and you wanted more.

“Are you alright love?” Kyubin asked leaning over you watching some fresh tears roll down your cheeks. “Yes, yes I’m good-d oh my god Kyubin.” You laid on the bed trying to catch your breath as Kyubin laid himself beside you stroking the side of your face and lightly grazing his fingertips down your stomach, up your thighs and around your arms. “You just let out the most cute and gorgeous little moan ever you know that? I’ve never heard anything sound so angelic it was like music to my ears.” You blushed still as if you weren’t red enough. You looked into Kyubin’s eyes again. Biting your lower lips you pulled Kyubin into you grabbing locks of his hair and holding on as you kissed him a little more intensely letting yourself moan into his mouth. Kyubin’s hands pressed themselves into the mattress his body hovering above you. You gasped sharply when you felt his lower region just touch yours.

You pulled your boyfriend closer to you resting your face against his neck as you let your body take over while your brain was disconnected for a bit. You bucked your hips up once against Kyubin’s groin causing your thighs to shudder at the feeling. You squeezed your eyes tightly moaning into his neck as you did it once more hearing Kyubin’s breathing pick up. You let go of Kyubin and he kept his entire body hovered above yours for a little bit. “I-I’m sorry um..I was..” you trailed off embarrassed by what you just did.

“Can I asked you something?” Kyubin gets off of you and lays next to you again. When he says yes you turn to him. You run your fingers up and down his arms tracing small circles on his bicep. “Have you had sex with your previous partners?” You said partners as you weren’t sure if Kyubin played for both teams or not. “I have, yes. Why do you ask?”

You pouted a bit. “Were they any good? Like..did you enjoy one over the other?”

“Are you asking if I compared them? No I didn’t. All of my sexual experiences differ with each partner. A lot of times it was very simple and very..I guess you could say pleasant but I had a few moments that weren’t as good. You should never compare partners though y/n. Each partner is different and enjoys different things.”

“Were they all girls?” you questioned softly feeling like you maybe overstepped your boundaries. Kyubin started laughing. “Is that why you said partners? Yes they were all girls. I’m not aware of having sex with other men.” Kyubin twirled a lose strand of your hair around his finger.

“Do you want to? Have sex with men?” You blurted out. Kyubin laughed again. “It’s not for me at the moment. Well, I mean. I’ve only been interested in woman so far. Why do you ask babe? Do you have a fantasy you want to act out, I’m sure I’d be open to something.” You felt your cheeks heat up again and you quickly raised up on the bed.

“No, no no I uh..I just thought maybe um..it might not be satisfactory compared to the other girls. What if I’m not good at it?” Kyubin raised up next to you placing his hand on the small of your back. “Darling, what did I tell you about comparing yourself to others. It’s not fair for me to say who I prefer out of my partners nor compare them to you. I can guarantee having sex with you will be satisfactory for both of us. Don’t worry about the past okay. The present is with you and taking care of you and making sure you enjoy yourself tonight alright love?” Kyubin pressed a kiss to your forehead. Now lay back on those pillow okay, we’re gonna go to the next step.” Kyubin playfully winked and you had to bite back a squeal.

When you had settled yourself in the pillows Kyubin leaned over you his mouth reconnecting to one of your breasts. While his mouth was busy his hand was gently squeezing your breast and playing with your nipple. You let him do as he pleased breathing in the light and fresh perfume he always wore. Having him right under your nose helped you to relax. A few times you flinched when his teeth came in contact with your nipple because you weren’t used to his lips and teeth on such places on your body but he was going slow and carefully listening to each sound you made.

He stopped and looked up at you when you started laughing. “I’m glad to see you in a good mood but what’s so funny?” he asked raising his brow. You reached up to cover your face feeling embarrassed for laughing. “I’m sorry it just kinda tickles.” Kyubin smiled at you a chuckle leaving him. 

“You’re so cute love.” Kyubin shook his head and went back to giving your nipple attention. Then he went to the other one leaving pecks around your breasts and up to your collarbone. Your hand found his hair and started petting him. His hair was so soft you wanted to ruffle it and maybe even pull on it but you didn’t want him to accidently bite your nipple off. His lips went down in between your breasts going to your stomach. He kissed your stomach like he did earlier with your lips. Soft and gentle and passionately. “You’re so beautiful. Your stomach is so cute.” he reached for your side and squeezed it a bit. As his lips went down further your heart started beating 80 miles a minute. But then you sighed as he went back up your body and to your lips. You loved his lips on yours it made you so happy to just kiss him and he was such a good kisser. Of course you hadn’t kissed anyone else before but you were very confident that Kyubin was the best. 

Kyubin pulled away looking down at you as he held his body above you. Some of his hair fell around his eyes and you gently tucked it back behind his ear looking into his eyes. Your eyes then followed as your hand moved down along his skin touching his neck and chest and then down his arm. You smiled as Kyubin mirrored your actions. “Kyu, you’re so pretty and handsome. I like when you kiss me. Your lips feel good, they feel warm and comforting.” You grabbed one of his hands to intertwine your fingers with his sending Kyubin’s heart to flutter. He gave you a small smile. “I’m glad you like it. I like kissing you too. I think we should definitely kiss more often.” You nodded at his response and he got off of you and moved to the foot of the bed.

“Are we doing that now?” you asked thinking he was ready to move on to the actual sex. Kyubin placed both his hands at your ankles rubbing your legs up and down til he came to your thighs. “Not yet. Can I take your shorts off or do you want to?” You shrugged. You were pretty comfortable right now and you didn’t feel like getting off the bed, taking them off then getting back on the bed. “You do it..I’ll watch.” Your comment made Kyubin smile the color pink finding it’s way on his cheeks. He placed his fingers on the waistline of your shorts. “Ah love these shorts are so cute. They are so soft, are you sure you want me to take them off?” you only giggled. “Of course I do Kyu.” He nodded and you raised your hips up so he could get them down your legs. When they were off your hands quickly glued themselves over your underwear.

“It okay. Relax.” Kyubin didn’t move your hands away or tell you to move them he just went down and started leaving small pecks and love bites on your thighs humming as he did so. His hair falling in his face and sweeping against your thighs tickled and you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing again. You felt his lips curve up smiling as he continued to kiss your thighs. His hands held your waist or traced circles on your thighs. You were getting used to his hands on your body and they were so warm against you. You wanted to touch him yourself so you started to run your hands through his hair and against the skin by his neck and shoulders. You raised up off the bed leaning on one elbow. Kyubin held out his hand and you took it is his kissing the back of it. He continued to kiss along your thighs while your hands were out of the way. 

You gasped as his lips landed on top of your underwear. He was kissing your panties but they way you could feel the touch from under the cloth had the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Kyubin raised up and starting laughing. “I just got the chills and you have goosebumps on your legs. Are you getting cold?” you shook you head. “No, I’ve just..you know. Never had someone kiss me..there before.” Kyubin nodded taking in your response before he asked you the next question. This time your face was beat red heartbeat just going. “You can yes, but you have to take your pants and panties off too. You playfully crossed your arms sending Kyubin into a fit of laughter.

“Of course I will and I don’t wear panties I wear boxers.”

“Well why can’t I say panties?” you laughed back. Kyubin shook his head giving you a quick kiss to your cheek. “You’re so damn adorable my heart might actually explode.”

“It better not before you get those pants off mister.” you stated pointing a finger at him. Kyubin got off the bed standing at the foot before he took off his belt. Unbuttoning his blue jeans your breath got caught in your throat watching them slide down his waist seeing a slight raise underneath his boxers. “Cute panties Kyu~” you cooed making him smile. You scooted to the foot of the bed your legs tucked under you watching with big eyes as Kyubin slowly slid his boxers down. When he raised up to toss his hair back your lip pulled back in between your teeth. “Oh my god.” you mumbled. Kyubin did that thing that every heartthrob does with his hair before crawling onto the bed. You scooted back as he crawled forward your eyes were glued to his dick. You watched as it bounced around almost like it was waving to you. “Now it’s your turn my love.” he teased.

“Y-you d-do it.” you stuttered. You tried to ask yourself where your thoughts were but they were too busy running around your mind prison screaming like chickens with their heads cut off. You could not take your eyes off Kyubin’s dick. You were mesmerized by it. Kyubin sat on his knees and gently slid your panties off. You once again covered yourself. Kyubin said nothing as his gaze was locked on you. In fact he didn’t need to say anything because you knew what he was thinking. You didn’t need to cover yourself anymore and at this point you didn’t want to. You were moving forward. When your hands moved away from your lower region Kyubin kissed you on the lips again. Every kiss was so nice and warm you could go all night just kissing. It was like every kiss to your lips was a thank you and a praise from Kyubin.

“Can I kiss you down here?” Kyubin asked his face inches from your skin his eyes looking up at you. You giggled a bit feeling the air from his nose tickle. “Yeah, yeah.” you couldn’t stop giggling, something just came over you and the thought of Kyubin kissing you down there was making you laugh. You had never thought of it before but the concept was kind of funny and strange. You covered your face with your hands trying to muffle your laughter. 

Kyubin had your legs spread and was hunched over you his lips gently kissing his way around your lady parts. You felt his hot breath and it tickled. “You’re so giggly tonight babe. How cute.” You took your hands off your face when you felt Kyubin’s lips go lower. You eyes went wide as his lips kissed your lower lips. Only for a few seconds before Kyubin raised up. “How was it?” you asked him. 

“It was good..could use a little salt though.” you burst out laughing Kyubin joining you. “Do you have enough pillows?” He asked you. You nodded and let out a comfortable sounding sigh. After a few more kisses and approval from you Kyubin used his fingers to touch your lower lips and get you used to him down there. His hands were so warm it felt relaxing but when his thumb gently rubbed against your clit you flinched. “Is something wrong? Should I slow down?” 

“No everything is fine I guess I was just surprised. Um..have you ever used sex toys?” The question took Kyubin a bit by surprised. You looked a bit embarrassed to be honest. “oh, well I suppose I have a few times yeah. How about you?” Kyubin just rubbed your skin around your lips, he didn’t want to fingerblast you just yet he wanted you to be comfortable with his hands and fingers toying with you before they entered you.

“I’ve mostly just tried to use my fingers. I’ve been kind of afraid to use sex toys. I don’t think they are for me you know?” Kyubin’s hands stopped touching you and he scratched his head. 

“In past relationships I never messed around with a lot of sex toys. When I did use them on my partners it was usually either a dildo or vibrator. For the most part they just liked me using my hands and things.”

“So you never did like nipple clamps or got kinky with a pair of pink fuzzy handcuffs?” at this you and Kyubin both burst out laughing again. Kyubin shook his head. “No I think a lot of my partners were really sensitive so I didn’t want to use anything out of their comfort zone and a lot of them told me the same thing as you that that were a bit intimidating for a first time use.”

“Would you ever use a vibrating butt plug? or maybe a strap on?” you blurted out beginning to laugh again. Kyubin raised an eyebrow. “Like on myself or a partner?” He looked so confused it was so cute. You shrugged. “Probably not.” You two talked some more about different sex toys and what you two might want to try together and then you moved on. You moved on so much in fact that you had now allowed Kyubin to start stretching you out with his fingers. He went slow as he slipped one finger at a time into you moving them slowly and gently in and out of your vagina. You felt his finger glide along your walls, curling every now and again and it made light moans roll off your tongue.

“How does it feel? Am I doing okay?” Kyubin asked. He was angling everything so perfect your hips just had a mind of their own. “Yes, it’s perfect Kyubin, it’s so good.” You hadn’t even had his dick inside you yet and you were at a loss for words. He had magic in his hands. Your mind wondered what it would be like to have him finger you in the shower. You kept making these pretty moans and Kyubin was getting so excited. When he asked if he could use his tongue you choked out a yes thinking about how good it might feel down there knowing how good his tongue felt in your mouth.

He repositioned himself on his knees, his mouth lined up with your entrance. He held you his arms wrapped around your thighs keeping them spread as his tongue slowly licked up and around your folds. His kissing started out slow but it became messy pretty quickly. Running his tongue around your clit, his lips roamed around you, his humming sending vibrations inside you that made so many noises escape you. Little gasps every time his tongue went inside your vagina, soft moans when he started to suck your clit that became more loud and filled with need. Your thighs felt kind of like jelly and your breathing was heavy as he made you feel so good. You couldn’t put into words what you were feeling, you couldn’t tell him how he was doing you were so breathless and you couldn’t think about anything at the moment. 

The way his warm tongue just went everywhere and then his fingers pushed inside you. You sighed now feeling his tongue and lips and fingers down there. The sensation was indescribable. Your hands moved on their own to find his hair and your pulled his locked which made him moan and that vibrated through you. There was so much he was doing and you were starting to feel like maybe you were going to faint. You had a strange feeling in your stomach and you stuttered trying to find your words. Kyubin stopped when you made a small squeak. 

“What happened? Are you alright darling?” Kyubin sat up and came to your side his hand grabbing yours. You smiled at him face all pink. “I’m fine. I’m okay, it was, well I’ve never felt that feeling before. You’ve got magic in you Kyubin, it felt so amazing but I was starting to feel overwhelmed. I don’t know I felt strange.” Kyubin nodded and kissed you again. “And and the sounds coming from down there..they sound so..” you cut yourself off. Lewd was the word you were looking for but you were embarrassed to tell him that. Embarrased to admit that you were turned on and how you felt wet down there and how dirty it felt and sexy to have Kyubin’s entire face down there eating you out. It was a whole new experience and it took your breath away truly. You looked up into Kyubin’s eyes and quietly spoke up. “You make me feel..really g-good. I’m embarrased thinking of such thoughts.”

Kyubin was laying against the bed and you had an idea. You sat up on your knees and started at Kyubin’s erection. “Kyubin,” You started as you reached for his dick. After he treated you so well you wanted to return the favor but when he pulled back you got confused. You scooted closer to him and tried again but he pulled your hand away. “Kyubin what’s wrong? Why won’t you let me touch you?” Negative thoughts started to form in your head. What if he didn’t want you touching him cause he thought you were gross? What if he was taking advantage of you and didn’t want to be touched by you because he wanted control over you? He was your boyfriend, everything leading up to this had been so good and trusting. What happened? You looked at Kyubin’s body language. He wouldn’t look at you, his hair falling in his face again.

“Kyubin..it’s not fair. Why won’t you let me touch you. I’ve put all my trust in you tonight and I would think you would do the same. Why don’t you want me touching you? Am I not good enough?” You held back the tears this time waiting for him to respond. “It’s not that..” Kyubin gave a shy smile. “All my previous partners knew how and..you don’t have any experience.” You furrowed your brows. “So because I have no sexual experience with another person means I can’t try? Kyubin that’s mean how could you? I can’t believe this.”

You went to get off the bed but Kyubin grabbed your wrist. “No y/n it’s not like that I swear. I just want tonight to be all about you. I swear I have no bad intentions. I would never do that to you. Please trust me.” Kyubin sighed letting you go. “Love, I know what it sounds like. I didn’t want to have you do anything tonight cause I thought since this was already a lot for you it would be too overwhelming for you to please me. I wanted you to be comfortable receiving everything tonight. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.” Kyubin’s eyes were sad. He was telling the truth and you mentally kicked yourself for ever thinking he was a bad man. He proved all night that he was the best man ever and you had to stop doubting him. It wasn’t fair on him.

“I’m sorry. I just thought you’d want something. You’ve treated me so well tonight I wanted to return to favor. I know I don’t know what to do or how but you can teach me. Please Kyubin? I want to try.” You let Kyubin sit for a bit before you reached for his hand. After a little longer he nodded.

“Okay. You’re right it’s not fair and if you want to make me feel good tonight you should.” Kyubin pulled your hand over his cock and you let out an unexpected gasp as your fingers wrapped around his shaft. You were choking back your excitement, your hand was touching Kyubin’s dick and it made you giggle. Kyubin kept his hand on top of yours.

“W-what do I do now?” You looked at him and he was smiling. He moved your hand up and down his dick slowly. You squealed a bit in excitement. Your eyes were wide as he gently guided you up and down his shaft.

“Good good. J-just like that. That’s good.” Kyubin’s eyelids fluttered and his chest was starting to raise. You bit your bottom lip looking back and forth between Kyubin and his dick. Kyubin took his hand off of yours and let you take control. With each stroke you sped up and with each stroke you got more excited and turned on hearing Kyubin’s breathing speed up and his moans.

“Kyubin you’re so cute.” You moaned out. You slowed down a bit and swiped your thumb over his slit feeling his precum on your thumb. You felt Kyubin jerk his hips up. When you looked over at him his head was pushing back into the pillow his stomach muscles and arms muscles and really his whole body tightening. His bottom lips was in between his teeth and the image of your boyfriend becoming a mess to your touch like this gave you a small boost of confidence. You smiled and spoke softly as your fingers gently rubbed his tip playing with the cum. You watched it drip down your fingers and you jerked your hand up and down his shaft again coming all the way up to the tip to swipe your thumb over his slit again.

“Am I doing a good job baby? Your cock is so pretty Kyu. You look so cute.” You giggled as Kyubin jerked his hips up again and started thrusting into your hand.

“Fuck, yes baby it feels amazing. You’re doing so g-good fuck.” The way he was acting got you so excited and you sped up again. He let out a loud moan and you felt his hand grab your thigh as he came. You jumped a bit as the cum shot out flying onto his thigh and the sheets. You felt it in your hand and something clicked in your brain that told you to lower yourself down to his cock.

When you went to open your mouth just inches away from his tip, mouth salivating the desire to lick up his cum and suck him off with your mouth, he moved your head out of the way. Confused you looked at him. He was still breathing heavy and to be honest he didn’t have the strength to even push that hard you just felt a gentle nudge. Kyubin’s eyes opened his cheeks pink his breathing still heavy. “That’s enough love. You d-don’t have to do that.”

“Kyubin I wanted to..” you were disappointed that he stopped you and he could hear it in your voice.

“I-I know baby. But you don’t have to. Maybe another time you can give me a blowjob. I promise we’ll have plenty of time to explore each other further okay?” Kyubin blinked his breathing slowing down. He leaned over to grab something on the floor. When he raised back up his shirt was in his hand. He took your hand and wiped his cum off you and then he cleaned his dick. You were a little sad that Kyubin seemed to want to stop.

“I just wanted you to feel good after you made me feel good.” You said wringing your hands again. You heard Kyubin sigh. When you looked at him he looked sad. He was probably internally beating himself up over stopping you.

“I know baby. Trust me you did such a wonderful job, you did make me feel good. You’re hands were so soft and so small and cute god I couldn’t stand it. If you gave me a blowjob..” Kyubin trailed off seeming embarrassed. Maybe he was so turned on it was overwhelming him. “Another time I promise. Another time I’ll let you wrap that pretty mouth around my cock.” As Kyubin was speaking you could hear the excitement in his voice.

You crawled on top of him and kissed him pushing your tongue into his mouth. He moaned in pleasure and you felt his cock harden up slowly against your thigh. “Let’s move on Kyubin please?” You asked pulling away from him. He smiled nodding. You two gently switched positions so he was over you again.

“Baby listen. Before I start I need you to listen to me. I am going to go slow and I am going to let you adjust because you’ve never had a dick in you before. It’s different from fingers you know.” As Kyubin was speaking to you he was holding the back of your thighs rubbing them with him thumbs. He was trying to help your nerves and help you relax. You’re breathing was already so heavy but Kyubin was here just like he promised. You felt safe with him. You felt warmth all throughout your body and your heart felt like it was going to burst out of love. You were spacing out as he spoke to you in such a sweet and gentle tone.

A warm hand cupping your cheek brought you back. “Hey love, listen okay. It’s important. This is going to hurt. It might hurt a lot. I’m going to go slow and if it hurts too much tell me and I’ll stop. It’s very important that you communicate with me during this part okay? I want you to be comfortable and safe. Please please speak up if you want to stop. I am in no rush, if tonight is not the right night that is okay. We can always try again later alright? Do you understand me?” He asked looking into your eyes. “Yes Kyubin.” You nodded.

“Okay, are you ready love?” You gave him another yes and he slowly lined his tip up to your entrance. You breathed in sharply, “wait wait wait,” you blurted out covering your eyes with your hands. All the emotions and all the nerves you had been holding in all night were coming out. You were terrified. You’re thoughts were running at 80 miles an hour. Was he going to care for you after? Was he going to leave you after? Were you only another virgin to his collection? Did he really have bad intentions and he’s lied to you your entire relationship? What if he pulls what he did in the shower again? Or worse? What if he gets you pregnant on purpose and leaves you and the baby? What if he doesn’t like you after he takes your virginity?

“What wrong? Did you change your mind?” Kyubin asked coming to sit next to you. You hesitated. “Um..Kyubin..can I ask how many times you’ve had sex with someone who was a virgin?” Kyubin cocked his head to the side and pondered for a bit. “I have. A few of the woman were virgins yes.”

“Did you only have sex with them?”

“Are you asking if I was in a relationship with them or not? I was. For a few years with some of them. Some only a few months. I was never the type to just hookup.” Kyubin carressed your cheek lightly with the back of his hand.

“Why did you break up with them? Was it because they were no longer virgins?” You started to tear up once again. Kyubin frowned at what you were hinting at. “No. Absolutely not. I am not like that. Often times they just got tired of being in a relationship. Sometimes I ended it because I felt like I wasn’t doing enough for them or I felt like they weren’t doing enough for me. They just ended up not working out for whatever reason. I did not break up with them because they were no longer virgins.”

“Oh.” You mumbled. “Y/n are you afraid I won’t love you anymore if you aren’t a virgin?” Kyubin sighed when you looked away more tears falling. “Darling look at me please.” When you did he reached up and wiped a tear away. “I am having sex with you because you are ready and because I love you very much and I want you to know how much and I want me and you to be able to share intimacy like this and explore each other’s bodies and make each other feel good. I want you to trust that I’ll take care of you no matter what. I am your rock. I will be here for you always. Even if you weren’t a virgin I’d still love you and still want to enjoy special things like sex with you and I’d still take care of you.”

Kyubin pulled you into him wrapping his arms around you. “Oh Kyubin.” Your heart was ready to leap out of your chest at his words. He really was the best man ever. Sweet, genuine, it made you want to cry out of happiness. “Since you are a virgin I need to make sure that your first time is okay for you. That’s why I told you in the very beginning that you had the wheel the entire time and that you needed to communicate with me with your words. I will do my absolute best to make sure you are comfortable and feel safe and loved. All the woman I’ve been with that were virgins were all different, all different experiences and I did everything I could to make it a good experience for them. I will do the exact same thing for you. Yes you are way more nervous than they were and a lot more scared but I’m ready to handle it and I’m ready to be here for you now and forever. I will always love you no matter what, you being a virgin or not has no effect on how much I love you and how far I will go to protect you and make sure that you feel okay mentally and physically before during and after this.” He ran his hands through your hair and brought your chin up to look at him.

“I love you Kyubin.” You said reaching up to kiss his lips. This kiss made your heart flutter so much. More than all the previous kisses. It felt like your lips were melting into each other. “Um Kyubin,” you spoke up trying to hold back your laughter when you realized he was about to go in raw. “Did you forget the condom?”

You busted up laughing when his eyes widened. “Oh shit hang on.” Kyubin got off the bed and pulled open the top drawer in the nightstand. He was shuffling around for awhile before coming back to the bed. “Ok, almost forgot.” It made you laugh some more. “Lay back and spread your legs for me please.” Kyubin asked softly as he tore open the small package and began rolling the condom on him. You smiled gushing over how sweet his tone was while speaking so lewdly. Kyubin speaking dirty to you made you feel giddy and made you want to let loose and take control but you didn’t want to get crazy for your first time.

Kyubin ran his hand through his hair his beautiful brown eyes looking into yours. “I’m nervous Kyubin.” You whispered. Your cheeks had been pink all night and you found the heat from your cheeks annoying. You wished he didn’t make you blush so hard it was crazy. Insane even with how crazy he made you. You could tell Kyubin was a little nervous too, his hands were a bit shaky as he reached for yours intertwining your fingers together.

“I know love. It’s okay to be nervous. I am too.” You raised your eyebrow confused. Kyubin chuckled. “I’m taking your virginity. I am nervous. I worry it won’t be a good experience for you or that I’ll accidentally hurt you. I want this to be good for you. I want to treat you so good and I’m worried that I might screw up.” Kyubin looked away saying nothing. You found it funny that he was so nervous as he’s had sex with other woman and taken their virginity. What was the difference?

“Kyubin,” You said sitting up on your elbows reaching for his face. You gently rubbed his cheek. “how am I any different from all your partners before me?” Kyubin was quiet for a moment his hand reaching up to hold yours as he leaned into your touch. His beautiful eyes looked up at you his beautiful lashes making his eyes even more beautiful. He smiled again.

“You’re so special to me y/n. So special. I just love you so so much and you make me so happy all the time and I want to take care of you and treat you right and you just make me so happy. I can’t describe how you make me feel. My heart is so happy every time I look at you..” Kyubin trailed off and you pulled him towards you bringing your lips to his. You felt the corners of his mouth curve up and it made you smile back. You kissed like this slow and sweet until you both pulled away. Then Kyubin laid you back on the bed and started kissing your lips again. He was so gentle but you could feel the want in his actions, how desperate he was to have you. His lips roamed down your neck and to the valley in between your breasts and down to your stomach. He gave your sides a few gentle squeezes and then he grabbed one of your hands to bring it up to his lips. As he kissed the back of your hand he looked up at you. You breathed in a shaky breath. Your heart had the zoomies.

“I’m ready for you Kyubin.” You giggled. He simply nodded and helped you spread you legs moving himself in between your thighs. He grabbed the lube that was sitting on the bed and put a generous amount on your hip bone. You quietly watched as he dipped his digits into you and you let out a soft moan. When Kyubin thought you were slippery enough he rubbed the rest of the lube on the condom and lined himself up to your entrance.

“I want you to breath okay. Just relax and let me know if you want me to stop.” With his free hand he held your side rubbing the skin with his thumb. You took a deep breath as Kyubin pushed himself into your entrance.

A sharp pain shot through you. He barely put his cock in you and you were squirming. Tears quickly formed with how fast you felt the pain. Kyubin was trying to calm you down by tracing circles on your thighs but you were in too much pain. “Baby I know it hurts I know I’m sorry. The pain with go away I promise.” Kyubin was feeling frantic as he never dealt with this before. He was scared he hurt you too much and he was staring to wonder if you pushed yourself too much and you actually weren’t ready for this. Kyubin started to sweat.

“Make it stop Kyu please it hurts!” Your breathing was off and your cheeks were red the tears coming out like waterworks. “Darling it will hurt if I pull out. I know it hurts I’m sorry love but just wait a bit and it won’t hurt as bad I promise you. Just breath ok, focus on your breathing. You don’t need to be hyperventilating right now.” Your hands were over your face clenching your teeth. Kyubin grabbed your hands and held them in his so you could squeeze them. Which you did. A lot. But Kyubin was a a strong man and you weren’t hurting him as much as he was you. His heart hurt knowing you were in pain and watching you cry over it. He knew how scared you were and seeing you like this made him sad. It made him want to stop and wrap you in his arms and just hold you until the tears stopped.

Kyubin figured it would hurt a lot less pulling out than staying in. “Okay I’m gonna pull out alright?” He said wiping some of your tears away.

“No, no Kyubin.” You cried some more. The pain was unbearable but you didn’t want to throw in the towel. You wanted him, you wanted this.

“But I hate seeing you in pain y/n. I don’t want you to cry you’ll get a horrible headache.” Kyubin was gentle in moving the hair out of your face and making sure you felt his touch hoping it would help calm you down.

“I know but please Kyubin. I want this and I know you’ll take care of me. Like you said the pain will go away and then I’ll be fine please Kyubin I want you, I want this. Please, it’s okay. Take my virginity Kyubin.” You were losing your damn mind over the pain the tears blurring your vision so much you could only see the outline of Kyubin’s head.

Kyubin was smiling at your words. He even felt a little dirty with the way you asked him to take your virginity. “Okay. Let me know what the pain subsides I’ll inch my way in. A little at a time we’ll go as slow as you want okay?” You nodded as you reached up to grab his lower arms.

You inhaled as Kyubin finally bottomed out. He had his entire cock inside you and you felt more stuffed than a Christmas dinner. You felt the way he rested inside your walls, filling you up all the way and you had to admit after all the pain went down it was a weird feeling to have something inside you. It made you feel a mix of aroused and embarrassed. “K-Kyu~” You cooed at him.

“Yes love?” Kyubin’s hands were placed on the mattress on either side of your head. His body was a few inches above yours his face just so close to you. His breathing was hot and heavy like yours and his eyes were so big and beautiful. His hair was in his face again and you cupped his face. He was so pretty like this and you had thoughts about you being on top of him. “Please move. M-make me f-feel good Kyu~” You stuttered the red still hanging out on your cheeks. Kyubin smiled leaning down further to kiss your lips.

Kyubin kept a good pace as he continuously thrusted in and out of you. All the pain was gone and what was complete fear of the unknown and worrying about everything had turned into the most wonderful and beautiful experience you could have ever dreamed of. Kyubin has been a doll throughout it all and you were so grateful to him. He didn’t just fuck you Kyubin was taking his time with you making sure you were comfortable and enjoying yourself. You two were making love both your bodies close and twisting around each other in sweet bliss. You loved the look in his eyes as you looked down at you, the bright sparkle warmed your heart. You loved the way his hair was bouncing around but also sticking to his forehead and you had to constantly move it out of his eyes. You loved the way he’d slow down to kiss your lips and all over your face and body, the way his hands felt in yours and on your body. It made you feel safe and loved. The way he would smile and comment such sweet things to you as if you needed a thousand more reasons to blush.

Everything was going so smooth and perfect. Suddenly your body felt like it was betraying you. You didn’t know how long he had been going but you got the feeling that maybe you were going to have an orgasm soon. Of course you didn’t know what one felt like or the feeling one gets before one happens and for some reason you didn’t want to. Your head felt strange like you were dizzy or your head felt heavy? you couldn’t really describe it. Your vision was not clear at all Kyubin’s face was so blurred you thought you were going blind. Your stomach felt like it was in multiple knots and each thrust felt more and more intense and amplified. Your heartbeat and quickened and when you tried to call out to your dear Kyubin you felt like you were drifting from him.

You started to panic, you tried to focus on your breathing like Kyubin had told you earlier but how could you when you weren’t even sure if breathing was gonna help. “Kyubin!” You cried out.

“Yes darling, you’re doing so good.” Kyubin’s pace sped up and you tried to move your hands but you felt weak. It took all your strength and focus to find Kyubin’s arm and gently squeeze it.

“Kyubin help something’s wrong Kyubin something’s happening!” You yelled out to him. Your vision was even more blurred now as you began to cry. You were completely freaking out and had no idea what to do. You felt him slow down a bit and felt his hand on your face. You knew he was still with you but it didn’t feel like it. It felt like he was getting farther from you and it scared you so much.

“Baby you’re okay, you’re just climaxing, you’re about to have an orgasm. Is it too much? Do you want me to stop?” You heard his voice and you understood what he was saying but your brain was somewhere else. “Y/n talk to me you have to talk to me okay? I can stop.”

“Kyubin you stay with me? Kyubin please..take me Kyubin.” You managed to blurt out your response. You saw a super blurry Kyubin nod.

“Yes my love I’m right here I’m not going anywhere. Do you want me to make you cum?” He asked. Your heart felt like it was bursting. You could only nod your head in response. “Squeeze my hand if you want to cum okay love, you have to respond.” With all your strength you could muster you squeezed his hand and by god that was all the man needed. Kyubin sped up back to the pace he was before and you felt every feeling again.

“Kyubin Kyubin!” You half screamed. “It’s okay to be scared love it’s okay. I’m right here I’m not letting you go.” Kyubin started to slow down and you felt the condom fill up with his cum and that’s what sent you over. All your senses seemed a thousand times more intense as this wild feeling washed over your entire body. You couldn’t describe it really. It was scary but it felt so good.

You let out multiple cries your entire body shaking like crazy. You feel Kyubin’s arms wrap around you his warm chest against yours. You feel his hair tickling your skin as both of you have your faces buried in each other’s necks. He is saying something to you, he’s repeating something you can hear it but your entire body is in such a place that you can no longer comprehend a thing. All you can feel is this incredible high and the warmth coming from Kyubin.

“It’s okay my love you are okay, you’re doing amazing.” You finally hear Kyubin’s words, his sweet whispers next to your ear sends more butterflies to your stomach and makes your heart swell up. “You’re okay you’re such a good girl you did so good. I’m so proud. I’m right here baby. I’ve got you, you’re safe.” As what you could only assume was you coming down from your life changing orgasm you started to become more aware of your surroundings; you saw Kyubin’s face clearly now his eyes looking into yours, you felt yourself holding his hands and you felt his soft and perfect lips meet yours. You would never ever get enough of those lips.

When Kyubin pulled away a bit his thumb reached down to wipe your tears and softly rub your cheek. “My beautiful girl.” Kyubin said rubbing his nose against yours. He kept praising you and whispering such sweet words into your ear you wondered if his words alone could make you cum. He made you feel so special and loved, it made you so happy in a way you’d never be able to describe. “I’m going to pull out okay? I’ll go slow.” Kyubin raised up a bit and with one hand held the condom so nothing came out and with the other rubbed your stomach to keep you calm in case him pulling out got you riled up again. Kyubin got off the bed to throw the condom away and then climbed back over you. 

He gently moved your hair out of your face so you could see him clearly. He was smiling so wide he was glowing. It made you smile back. You two just looked in each other’s eyes for awhile before he kissed you a few times on the lips. Then he went to get up again but you gently grabbed his wrist feeling very sensitive and needy right now.

“Where are you going?” You asked softly. You’re brain was still a little mushy from your orgasm so speaking was a little hard at the moment. Kyubin turned to you cupping your cheek with one hand while his wrist was being held by you.

“I’m gonna get you some water and a towel I’ll be right back ok?” Kyubin went to move away his wrist slipping out of your grasp. You slightly panicked and you quickly grabbed his arm. “Noooo stay here please. I need you Kyu~” water was all the way in the kitchen and you wanted and needed Kyubin here in the bedroom. Kyubin looked at your cute pout and smiled giving you a soft peck on the lips before getting off the bed. With Kyubin’s warm body not touching yours you felt cold. You wrapped your arms around yourself. “Relax love, I have water here,” Kyubin said. You watched him go into the corner of the room and then you remember he keeps a mini fridge next to the window. In the beginning you told him you didn’t want a mini fridge in your room. You didn’t think it was necessary, Kyubin could just go downstairs and get water why does he need a mini fridge in his room anyway? But every night Kyubin was getting out of bed to get a glass of water or he would leave just to get something to drink. You realized Kyubin was also parched especially at night so you let him keep the mini fridge. He always kept it full but he was constantly drinking bottle after bottle of water. Especially after working out. Now you were glad for the mini fridge. Now he didn’t have to leave you for very long. You smiled as he came back with a towel in one hand and one of his t-shirts and a water bottle in the other.

Kyubin helped you sit up on the bed holding you close to him as he held the bottle up to your lips. You took a few sips and Kyubin cleaned you and him up a bit with the towel before he helped you into his shirt.  He stopped and looked down at you before speaking. “How do you feel? There was a lot more blood than I thought there would be.” 

“I’m okay Kyubin, just a little tired and I’ll probably be really sore soon.” kyubin pulled you into him and kissed your temple. 

“You don’t have to get out of bed tomorrow okay? I’ll care take of you. Just relax right now. You did so good my love.”

Settling in Kyubin’s arms, his hand slowly rubbed the small of your back and went up to pet your head. He hummed and kissed your forehead while you melted into him. “I’m so proud of you y/n. I know that you were very scared and worried but you did so well. Thank you.” You looked up at Kyubin with a confused look on your face. Kyubin smiled and grabbed your hand intertwining his fingers with yours. “Because you finally had enough confidence and bravery to open up to me like this. Sex is very big and I know how you felt about it and how you were always so self conscious about getting intimate and I’m just so happy and proud of you for being at the point where you are ready and willing and I’m so glad that you have so much trust in me and that together we were able to explore ourselves and each other’s bodies and love in another way. I mean, for so long you would only let me kiss you cheek or forehead and then you started letting me kiss your lips and neck and touch your waist and thighs and now,” Kyubin paused, you heard him choke up. Sitting up to look at your boyfriend fully you were surprised to see his waterline becoming, well, water. Kyubin was crying and you had never really seen him cry. At least not at something like this. “I’m sorry I’m just, I mean..god y/n I am so fucking proud of you and so so happy that you trusted me enough to get this intimate with you and I just.” Kyubin allowed tears to fall from his eyes and you watched the clear drops roll down his beautiful cheekbones. He squeezed your hand as a way of letting you know he was alright.

For a long while you two just looked into each other’s eyes. Kyubin’s were red from crying but he was still the most beautiful man you had ever seen in your entire life. His beauty showed in more than one way and suddenly you were filled with so many emotions you started to cry. This only brought more tears into Kyubin’s eyes. “Oh Kyubin I love you.” You exclaimed quite literally throwing your arms around him. Your arms wrapped around his neck, your face buried in his chest.

Kyubin’s arms gently wrapped around your waist, one hand on the small of your back to other petting your hair. “I love you too darling. I love you and I am in love with you and I always will be and I will never stop. Ever.”

[captain039]

PART 2 Wolf and the Rabbit

Logan Howlett x reader

Warnings: Age gap, Sex club AU, sexual, smut, BDSM, daddy dom/little girl, first times, pet names, dirty talk, very NSFW, swearing, plus size reader, reader has depression and anxiety and self esteem issues. Readers hair can be put in a pony tail

Previous part <-

It’s been a week since the introduction and according to your friend she’s living her best left and fantasy’s. You on the other hand have been mewling over to hit sign up to their beginners/introduction plan, it’s literally called that. You sit there staring at your laptop finger hovering above the mouse pad ready to hit send. Tonight was the eighth night you’ve done it doing all sorts of over thinking till you get so frustrated you hit that send button with a little bit too much force, crawl in your bed and hope that earth will swallow you up.

You receive the fanciest email you’ve ever received, it’s so pretty to look at and as you go over the details and fill out a five page long form your first session is scheduled. You’re so nervous despite the fact they literally have instructions on what to do, bring and expect on your first day, it’s not even any touching or kissing it’s meeting your designated Dominant, who’s name is Logan and you silently hope it’s the owner but also highly doubt it will be. When you arrive in one of your more comfortable red jumpsuits and black boots you’re a shaking leaf being escorted by the security guard to room 10 and left to ponder your own death. A little dramatic but you your minds going haywire. The rooms simple, a leather couch, table and two chairs adorned with a small black decoration, the rooms nicely lit and the red carpet on the floor goes with the black furniture. You also notice two doors opposite each other, the one you came in and the other one which leads to who knows where. You stare at red nails finding one slightly crooked and suddenly very annoying till the door opens and all confidence you sort of built up leaves the planet. It was Logan Howlett the owner, Logan Howlett the owner walking in with his fancy fresh suit and clean salt and pepper beard. He sits downs with all masculinity and grace his eyes meeting yours. You feel like a deer in headlights and suddenly wonder if you could call out a random safe word and leave the premises.

“Evening” he says in that same low seductive voice you hear last night that makes your knees tremble.

“Evening” you answer voice shaky and less seductive. He smirks for a split second before giving you a once over. You swear he just lasered off your clothes with his eyes.

“I am Logan Howlett, one of the dominants here” he says like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

“And the owner” he adds.

“I know” you answer voice too quiet for your liking.

“I ran into you at the instruction thing” you flush remembering his strong warm hands.

“I remember” he says tilting his head to the side studying you.

“Tell me little rabbit, are you here because your own free will or because of your friend’s persuasion?” He asks and you frown at his words no way in hell your friend would’ve forced you here, you came here on your own accord with a little encouragement.

“I’m here on my own” you answer a little defensively and he hums and nods shifting in his seat a bit legs spreading. It takes all your willpower not to look down at his legs or crotch.

“Very well” he answers and nods.

“So tell me what do you wish to get out of these sessions?” He asks.

“I thought I answered that in the form?” You ask confused.

“Yes you did however hearing it in person solidifies the words” he answers.

“Well” you sigh softly wondering how much you can just pour out to this man before saying fuck it.

“I’m tired of being alone and waiting for the right man to come” you state and he raises an eyebrow.

“This isn’t a place for dating and affection” he says.

“I know” you answer before continuing.

“I want to explore sexually, I’m sick of being held back and I want to take the time to explore my body intimately” you answer eyes flicking from his eyes to the decoration on the table.

“Held back by what?” He asks.

“Myself” you answer honestly and he hums.

“I’m a virgin and I’m tired of being a virgin, but-“ you trail off suddenly in thought. You always wanted your first time to be special, but somehow it just seems impossible a girl like you doesn’t get that special first time connection.

“But?” He asks his voice a low command.

“Nothing, I just want to find myself sexually” you finish off as his eyes narrow at you before he nods.

“And I intend to help you do that” he says before saying your name and it sounds like a sin. You nod in answer taking a small breath trying to will your nerves down.

You talk a little more, about what the sessions will be like what they will include and how you control the situation despite him being the dominant in the room. You’re trying hard not to squirm or blush as he speaks bluntly and smoothly, he doesn’t say much but he says enough to get all the pictures.

Your first session is on a Thursday night, odd day but you didn’t want Friday seeing as a lot of people go out on Friday and other days of the week felt weird. So here you are on a Thursday night, in a plain t shirt and jeans looking like a hobo compared to others in this place, but you were told to wear something comfortable so you did. You’re guided to room 8 this time, there’s a black tallboy to the left, a large king size poster bed with hooks and things attached. A sleek black sofa to the side with a love seat opposite it by the tallboy. You look to the small paper on the tallboy showing you the instructions you already read in an email. You open the first drawer seeing a pair of sexy lingerie and a silk black robe. You slam the drawer shut accidently out of shock before opening it up again and pondering if you should wear the lingerie and rid yourself of the simple black bra and underwear you have on. It’s your size, they requested it in your form. You pick it up and it’s surprisingly soft something you definitely cannot afford it’s covering with lace designs and added thigh cuffs the bodice is large looking like a crop top a little. You sigh softly to yourself toeing off your shoes sitting down on the love seat with the piece in your hand.

“Fuck it” you whisper and strip. It’s a perfect smooth fit, god it feels good, it’s so soft and not scratchy, it doesn’t feel tight around your boobs and your girls look amazing. You wrap the robe around yourself also enjoying the feel of it and feel like you’re in a dream where you’re married to a billionaire. You press the button on the small remote at the top of the table by the piece of paper, you stand a little awkwardly till the door opens and Logan walks in. Does he wear something other than suits? You think to yourself eyeing the dark blue suit he’s wearing. He closes the door behind him eyes looking to you instantly his gaze feels hot and heavy.

“Evening” he says like a gentlemen like you’re not wearing this sexy lingerie set underneath your robe.

“Evening” you reply with a small smile. He steps closer his presence intimidating but somehow warm. He frowns at you softly.

“May I?” He asks and you frown wondering what he’s asking but nod.

“Yes” you add. He lifts his hands gently gripping your pony tail before pulling out your scrunchy, it’s the hottest things a man has ever done to you, you swear. He lets your hair fall and you flush a bit as he lies the scrunchy on the tallboy. You can smell his cologne this close and it’s everything a man should smell like, you don’t even know what the scents are but it screams masculine and you find yourself breathing him in with a small sigh.

“What is it?” He asks eyes going to yours and you flush.

“Nothing- you smell really good” you blurt and that small smirk comes to his lips again.

“So do you” he says leaning closer.

“Warm vanilla, Jasmin and Amber” he says and now you think that’s the sexiest thing a man has ever done to you.

“Thanks” you mutter out heart pounding in your chest. He nods hand going to yours gently lifting your right one by the wrist.

“You’re shaking” he states and you see the tremble your hand does.

“Nervous” you answer looking to his eyes as he looks to your hand frowning softly at it.

“Sit” he orders and you do sitting on the love seat.

“I must confirm the traffic light sequence with you” he says turning his back to you shrugging his jacket off and hanging it on a hook by the door and you nod.

“Red means stop” you say as he rolls up his cuffs showing his forearms, god.

“Yellow means slow down” you add voice wavering as your eyes rake over his strong arms.

“Green means go” you finish as he turns back around in his white rolled up suit shirt.

“Your safe word?” He asks.

“Peppermint” you answer as he nods and stands in front of you. You lean your head back to look at his tall stature.

“Do I have permission to touch you?” He asks voice low and you nod.

“Yes” you add quickly watching his hand move fingers going to cup your chin gently. His fingers a rough but gentle as he holds your chin before he moves his hands down to the tie at your robe. You tense breathing heavily and he waits a moment eyes locking onto yours before you nod again. He unties your robe carefully moving it out of the way but leaving it on as his eyes rake down your lingerie clad form. You see the muscle in his jaw clench his eyes harden and wonder if you did something wrong.

“I’m going to get you used to my touch” he says and you nod all too quickly as he kneels down. How he can kneel easily at his age is a little baffling, you know your knees would be already hurting and thighs screaming. He’s at eye level now his gaze never leaving yours as his hands rest on your thighs. It feels strange, you’re not use to having anyone touch you in anyway, but his hands are warm and rough against your freshly shaven legs. You lean back against the love seat hands fisted by your sides as he gently moved his hands down your thighs over your knees and over your calves. It’s ticklish by your knees and you jolt a bit making him stop.

“Tickles” you say and he nods before continuing. He moves back up your legs hands stopping at the thigh bands that stretch over your plush thighs. He runs his hands higher and you tense again and he stops looking to you keep his hands there for moment.

“Not used to touch there” you say and he nods moving his hands to the side of your thighs instead of the tops and it’s less uncomfortable. You nod letting out a small breath as he gently squeezes the sides of your thighs. You almost want to slap him for squeezing your fat but when you look at him see his eyes staring at your thighs in a way you’ve never seen it makes your stomach to a jumble. You don’t know the look only seen it in movies and porn and that was acting, you don’t know if he’s acting but it makes your thighs press together involuntarily. He growls softly, actually growls and the noise makes you shudder. He moves his hands over the tops of your thighs again and this time you don’t flinch but it still makes you feel weird. His thumbs gently move on the flesh almost to the inside of your thigh his hands squeeze and you watch his face intently, his jaw clenching repeatedly his eyes solely focused on your thighs his chest rising and falling. His hands move down your legs again and you let out a small breath feeling him squeeze your calves before gently moving them slightly outward so he can move his body closer. Your calves stay by his hips now your thighs now farther apart and you want to close them you really do but the way his hands move along your skin makes you sigh. He takes a small breath runs his tongue over his lips and you tilt your head curiously.

“What are you thinking?” You ask softly and his body tenses eyes snapping back to yours. His gaze is intense like a predator.

“Please?” You add after his silence goes on.

“You’re not ready” he says giving your thighs a gentle squeeze and you frown.

“Not ready for what?” You ask mind over thinking, thinking he’s going to leave and leave you here and not come back.

“My teeth in your skin” he says it quickly through gritted teeth and you make a surprised ‘oh’ noise cheeks and body flushing hotly.

Next part ->

[qnewsau]

Phoenix Knight shares how he broke burlesque boundaries

New Post has been published on https://qnews.com.au/phoenix-knight-shares-how-he-broke-burlesque-boundaries/

Phoenix Knight shares how he broke burlesque boundaries

Phoenix Knight shares his journey as a man into the predominately female world of burlesque. 

Writing this article on the eve of the third anniversary of my first burlesque performance, I could never have anticipated the adventure I was about to embark on. 

I moved to Brisbane in October 2020 following five years of commuting from Sydney to see my partner Will. 

Our respective careers were keeping us in separate states and we figured the universe would eventually present an opportunity for me to move up to Brisbane. Of course, no one could have anticipated a pandemic would be the catalyst for a long-awaited work transfer. 

When the move occurred, and amid lockdowns, I found myself isolated despite blissfully nesting. Enter Susie, one of my few social connections in this new city, who made it her mission to find something social for us to do together. 

Finding burlesque

She floated trapeze classes (that was never going to happen) and fire twirling (as a bear I was afraid of being instantly immolated) so she settled on burlesque. 

“But I’m a guy. Are you sure I’m allowed to go?” I asked. We went to the Bombshell Burlesque Academy website and read their FAQs: All genders were indeed welcome. 

My related concern remained because although I may be welcome, this was a safe space for females. How would they feel having someone who is a balding, bearded bear in their space?

This was a legitimate concern as I knew enough about burlesque that I wasn’t going to get side-tracked by the film of the same name (for the record, that is not burlesque), to delude myself into denying that almost all of my clothes would be coming off. It is stripping, albeit artfully. 

Despite all this, we enrolled in a first term at Bombeshell’s which was a series of courses, where a routine would be learned, culminating in a performance opportunity. 

Beginning the journey

I was able to ease into this new world thanks to the campfire-style introduction by the fabulous tutor, the history of burlesque and then there was time for each participant to introduce themselves. 

By the end of the first class, my concerns about being a male in the class dissolved into the background. I could just focus on learning something new, having a laugh and making some new friends.  

Due to it being late 2020, live shows had been suspended, and so performances were captured professionally on film and uploaded onto the academy’s dedicated YouTube channel. 

The fringe benefit of this was that it also proved to be a gentle introduction to the stripping aspect. Due to censorship, certain restrictions on nudity needed to be adhered to. So, I didn’t have to reveal too much. 

I recently watched my first group performance and I was so green! But it was such a buzz! I knew that once the first term in 2021 rolled out, I wanted to go back and I wanted to move from beginners level up the ladder. 

The owner of Bombshell Burlesque, Lila Luxx showed me such kindness and asked whether I would like to perform my first feather fan group routine early in 2021 for a live audience, once restrictions had eased. 

I relished the chance and being up on stage was electrifying. The burlesque community, including its faithful audience, are simply incredible. The sheer love and encouragement you feel emanating from them is palpable. 

Body image 

What hit me hard though was my body issue, particularly in dress rehearsal week of my first performance.  My costume, which was usually delivered in an A5 envelope, needed to be worn. 

Those first few terms I dissolved into some moments of self-loathing. Thank goodness for my partner who loves me unconditionally and helped me to lean into my beardom. Within a year, I can fluctuate 20 kilos either way. 

Sexiness and self-worth were not tied to aesthetics. I knew this but I don’t think I truly believed it. It took me a minute, but I got there in a way I never would have without burlesque. There is truly nowhere to hide in this art form. 

Moving into the professional space

As the year progressed, more classes and opportunities to perform presented themselves. Soon, I was asked to be part of professional shows and revues as part of Bombshell’s troupe. I was performing next to the very women whom I had admired and who would soon become my friends. 

Here’s the thing about being a male in a female-centric art form and space. Respect, courtesy and genuine love for the artist and the art form itself is all that’s required. You genuinely are welcome to take up space.

In 2022, self-induced pressure to build a solo began. Concept, choreography, music, and costuming are all left to you. With private lessons I cobbled something together, and ‘Phoenix Knight’ made his fiery debut. 

It was all cocked-eyebrow thirst-trap vibes. My innate style was masculine, but I wanted to play with genderfuck a little. In truth, it was my partner who encouraged me to perform at least once in thigh-high stilettoed boots. He thought my style would juxtapose well against the visual. He was right. But boy do they hurt!

A year of awards

The beginning of 2023 dawned and I started to play with the thought of entering Mx Burlesque Queensland. I didn’t know if I’d be accepted, but I was encouraged by my loved ones to apply. After losing both of my parents within months of each other late last year, I was made acutely aware not to fritter away opportunities. 

To my thrill and honour, I was shortlisted as one of nine state finalists.

Two titles were up for grabs that would lead to the enshrinement in the Hall of Fame. Mx Burlesque Queensland, and Mx Burlesque Brisbane.

I tried to temper the nerves while creating new routines to strict criteria as time ticked down.

When my name was called out as Mx Burlesque Brisbane I was in quiet awe, after only walking into my first class two and a half years earlier.

I was floored to also be nominated as Brisbane Pride Queens Ball Performer of the Year category. I thought I was too niche to be nominated, let alone win, so I went to the event and almost choked on my dinner when my name was called out.

To be 46, exactly double the age I was when I came out, and to receive such wonderful acknowledgement from my community, I will never forget it. 

I am humbled if I can do even a small part to bring people from all walks of life into burlesque. Yes, that does include more men, and I stand on the shoulders of others who came before me, but also to people who may not have seen themselves represented on stage.

Looking ‘different’ may inspire others who don’t fit the mould to give this or something else they’d like a go. 

I’ll happily take that as my legacy. That and being kind but fierce bear up on stage!

You can follow Phoenix Knight on Instagram. 

For the latest LGBTIQA+ Sister Girl and Brother Boy news, entertainment, community stories in Australia, visit qnews.com.au. Check out our latest magazines or find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.

[tobesolonely]

hi!!! im a different anon from before but i also crochet! i’m generally still a beginner but for yarn there’s tons of different types! acrylic yarn is synthetic and doesn’t always feel the best but it is cheaper than others. polyester and others are normally in big chunky sizes which could be easier if you want to make a blanket faster (and would probably also be cozy). cotton is generally good for clothing and could be good for a blanket (but i will admit i have never made a blanket lol). there’s also sizes of yarn like light (generally size 3 and under i think), medium (about a 4), and then above is more chunky. blankets in smaller yarns can be a pretty big first project and so it might be better to choose a chunkier yarn because it means less stitches in less time. my best recommendation would be to go on youtube and find a tutorial and look that you like and then buy the yarn size and hook they use! blankets are usually pretty repetitive so you probably can over time get the hang of it and be better and better as you go. getting better at crochet honestly just takes some practice but i find it really relaxing! ok anyways sorry for the rant but i hope this helps and wasn’t annoying or anything!

omg THANK YOU SO MUCH this was not annoying AT ALL this was so helpful like i figured there was different textures but i wasn't sure of names and i obviously did not even think about how there's different size yarn?? Thank you for the rec i definitely think for my first project i want to do something not too time consuming so i can see the fruits of my labor fairly quickly to prevent me from getting discouraged bc i am so impatient 😭 What are some things you've made before? I think after i try a blanket i wanna make a bag!

[pivotbitches]

Narrative Read 3:

Today I read my narrative and was surprised I didn’t cry. I did feel heavy with emotion and teared up a little but nothing came of it.

Notes:

It’s kind of scary how quickly I brush off the role drinking had in our relationship and my life at this point. I noticed that I didn’t even mentioned his drinking and driving, how scary and uncomfortable that was for me, how he never let me drive.

I think every time I read the part about getting brunch I think about my last in person encounter with Trey when he called me “just a fat bitch.” I know I’m overweight, and I enjoy trying new foods and just the experience of eating, especially brunch. But having someone I loved (or thought I did) say that to me after us already having a conversation about food and my eating habits, it really hurt. I have been struggling a little more lately with self image and wanting to lose weight and be healthier so that was a lot harder to read and think about than it has been in the past.

I caught myself thinking I was silly for feeling out of place at the shop in the golf course. I was thinking about beginners mind… I’m pretty sure no one feels comfortable going into a golf club their first time. Especially in the position I was in where I didn’t have my whole closet and didn’t pack clothes for golfing. Of course I had imposter syndrome, anyone would.

I forgot about the sex portion, it hurt a lot more then. I think looking back on it, it’s telling that he had cheated on me. I wish I had said my discomfort with him talking about him and a girl doing what I wanted to do after telling me no. It would’ve been uncomfortable even if I didn’t ask. I just found myself wondering if I could have done something different that he wouldn’t have cheated on my and then we’d still be together… that’s stupid. Is that bad to say about my own thought?

When I talked about feeling bad about sleeping, I was mad at my past self. I was taking care of my needs, but I felt bad about it? Wtf?! Like girly, you were drunk out of your mind, wanting to have sex on a golf course, why would you want to be with his family anyways? Was I spiraling because I wasn’t being social or because I had drank too much, or was it the fact that I let Trey push me to drink when he was supposed to be letting up on the alcohol?

“I was trying to be quiet so no one could hear me.” - I WANT TO HUG HER AND CRY FOR HER SO BAD

Brittany and Logan’s names get me every time, it’s taboo. How can I fix the trauma there? Make a narrative for everyday of that month? Sometimes I wish I could just call Brittany and ask for a doover and tell her everything that happened and how I wish things were different.

I think the most confusing part about Trey was that I know he took antidepressants, but he acted like my depression made no sense. I think my emotions are mixed about the choking. It was so unexpected that it’s almost humorous. I think he really was trying to help and thought it would go differently. At the time I did and didn’t want him to do it (I am now noticing it’s hard for me to say choke me to death or strangle lol). I felt both relief and despair/dread about him letting go. Relief that I was alive still, and that he now knew about the battle in my head. Despair because I still had to live with hating myself and never feeling happy anymore and dread of having a whole life of depression and unhappiness and constantly not knowing if today was the day my intrusive thoughts won.

That’s all for today. I’m proud of myself for reading it and taking the time to dig into my thoughts.