#I want to light myself on fire when my socks are wet

[nevvaraven]

I’ll be having a good day and then I’ll remember that KYD Remus walked home in wet socks after the Christmas party

[myakkun]

SMOKE SIGNALS

character(s): akashi takeomi x gn!reader

notes: i remb the first time i smoked a cig i choked so bad i hit my head on the wall lmao

warnings: shotgunning

the tap tap tapping of rain outside your apartment window sets the mood for your weekend. dark, slightly dreary, lazy as you slide around your apartment on socked feet with the television buzzing low in the background. saturday is your off day, the one you reserve for movie marathons and avoiding any and all responsibilities no matter the costs.

it’s going well, too.

you’re currently curled up on your couch, cheek smushed against your hand as you stare blankly at the movie playing. you don’t even know the name of it, but you do know it’s boring. (not boring enough for you to care to change, but boring nonetheless).

then there’s a falter in the rhythmic tapping of rain, another tone of taps—harder, more firm than that of liquid—sounding throughout your apartment. but not from the door.

your eyes flit frantically towards the source, and for a second your heart screeches to a halt inside your chest at the sight of silhouette in your window. then, you notice the familiar leather jacket and horrid tri-dye job of hair and rise off the couch to go meet your intruder.

“i got scared because i thought there was a criminal on my fire escape,” you greet as you slide the window open, smile gracing your lips. “and look, i was right.”

“funny,” takeomi huffs, rolling his eyes. a cigarette hangs off his lips, dripping wet from the rain and the slight trace of a soggy ruined light on the end. “now back up, i’m freezing my ass off out here.”

you do as you’re told, stepping back to let the man crawl through your window and quickly shutting it back before too much rain gets in. not that it matters, because takeomi’s soaked form is doing well in drenching your floor regardless.

“haven’t you heard of an umbrella?” you tease, watching as he takes off his boots before turning to walk towards your bedroom. “or a door for that matter?”

“i was in a rush,” he answers, nonchalantly, as his wet socks pat against the floor behind you with each step.

“let me guess,” you hum, walking into your bedroom and gesturing him to the bathroom, because his sogginess can’t ruin tile. “running from the cops and you need to lay low for a few hours?” you sift back to the corner of your closet that holds clothes that don’t particularly belong to you (though that hasn’t stopped you from wearing them occasionally, only when your laundry is in the wash, you swear!) and grab out a t-shirt and sweats. “and me, your favorite person, was who you decided to run to. why omi, i’m flattered.”

“turning myself in is sounding better by the minute,” takeomi simpers, leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom as he watches you approach him. the loose bangs that hang in his eyes, cutting through deep irises, have you wanting to run your fingers back through them.

“oh you’d never,” you wave off, handing him the clothes. his fingertips brush against yours as he takes them. “you couldn’t bare to be away from me that long.”

he scoffs at you, but that tilt never leaves his lips as he turns and slams the bathroom door in your face. you bite the corner of your lip, “towels are under the—“

“i know where they are!” he barks before you can even finish, and for some reason that makes something stupidly giddy pool in your stomach.

you shuffle your feet out of your bedroom and into the kitchen, instantly on a mission. you keep his favorite drinks in the back of your fridge for times just like this, so with a little pep in your step you shimmy on over. you can hear the bathroom door click open and you smile to yourself at the ridiculously fast pace he’s able to dry off and change in.

(you think it has something to do with having siblings, sharing a bathroom growing up, that sort of thing).

you’ve just leaned up from your scrounging in the fridge, nudging the door shut with your hip when he emerges into the kitchen along with you—faded shirt and worn out sweats never looking so good. holding the drink out, you step up to him, reaching a hand forward to pick a piece of lint off his chest.

“you don’t look so much like a wet dog anymore.” it’s teasing, light, comfortable as it always is as you let your palm rest against his chest for a little longer than necessary.

and, as if to simply spite you, takeomi shakes his still damp hair, slinging the remnants of rain all over you—much like a bad, wet dog.

he cracks a grin at your pout, taking the drink from your hand and leaning down just low enough to press his lips to your temple. you can feel the upturn of lips against your skin and you want to revel in it, grip the front of his t-shirt and keep him there.

but he leans back just as soon as he leaned in, a hand meeting to top of your head to rub it in the way an older brother would, and you remind yourself you shouldn’t think like this.

because you’ve known him since forever, a constant in your life since you can remember really, and you need to remind yourself that that’s where the comfortableness comes from.

you were just a little tag along, clinging to takeomi’s shirttail and admiring his every move with wide eyed awe—now you’re a run to, lending spare sweats and eyeing the way he walks around your apartment.

you’re a dependent and dependable at the same time, that’s the reason he comes to you.

nothing else.

“so,” you clear your throat, watching as he makes hisself at home and plops onto your sofa. trailing after, you take your seat beside him. “what was it today? murder, robbery..”

“for your information, dollface, i’m completely innocent. didn’t do a single thing.”

you snort, rolling your eyes as you lean back on the couch cushions, arms crossed over your chest as you stare forward at the t.v. (mostly because you don’t think you’d be able to look away if you dared to even steal a glimpse of takeomi right now).

“yeah, okay,” you dismiss, “and that’s what you said last week. and the week before that. and the week before that. and then i got to see your ugly mug on my evening news.”

it’s silent for a moment, the rain and television taking over the apartment. you realize your mistake instantly.

“oh, i’m ugly, huh?”

the smirk in his voice is audible and you try to duck on instinct before he even makes a move to grab you. but it’s useless, you should absolutely know that by now, and the ducking proves pointless when an arm wraps around your shoulders and a hand collides with your head to rub at it in a way that has you kicking and screaming.

“get off me you lug!” you squeal, pushing at his arm and doing your damndest to elbow him anywhere that will get him to let go of you.

“take it back!” he huffs in return, grunting as your elbow meets his ribs, but not loosening his grip in the slightest.

“never!”

“then no!”

“you’re an ass!”

“you love it!”

the argument dies down but the angered tension doesn’t, neither of you wavering in your positions as takeomi keeps you in a damn near chokehold and you pout as you refuse to admit defeat. because like hell you’d tell him he isn’t ugly. and do what? just watch as his ego inflated tenfold? no way. you’d never live it down. you’d rather die.

nearly a minute passes, no moves made between the two of you, when suddenly you feel a shift and the fumbling of a box. you dare to glance over and see takeomi pulling his box of cigs out of his sweatpants, because of course they couldn’t have been soaked to ruins by the rain. before he can even fumble on your end table for the lighter he knows you keep there, you’re elbowing his ribs again.

“not in here,” you frown, wrinkling your nose at him, “you know it jacks with my alarm.”

the glare takeomi sends your way as if it’s your fault that your smoke alarm seems to only go off because of his cigarettes makes you want to punch him, but the pout that takes over seconds after as if he’s totally broken about it has you softening. you sigh, placing your hands on his arm to shove him off and grunting when he still doesn’t release his grip.

“do you want to smoke or not?” you groan, “we gotta go to my bedroom window, it’s the only one that won’t get you soaked.”

he looks at you for a moment, brows canted like it’s taking him a while to actually consider and weigh his options—which you find odd, because he normally never hesitates to jump at the opportunity to get his precious little cigs between his lips. then, his arm slowly loosens around you enough for you to break free and lead him to your room.

you’re not entirely sure who built the little makeshift awning outside your bedroom window. it’s always been there, since you moved in you’re pretty sure, but it’s obvious it’s not really supposed to be. but it’s kind of nice, shields it from the rain and weather when you sit in the sill.

which is why it’s takeomi’s favorite window in your apartment.

he’s a picture as he sits there, back pressed to the side and a leg propped up on it haphazardly. his head falls back as he inhales off his cig, and the way it twists tantalizingly out of his mouth and fades into the damp air has your stomach fluttering in a way you only wish you could ignore. like always, you find yourself drawn back to him—as if you weren’t just trying to break free from his hold moments ago—and make your way to the sill. and, like always, he shifts his leg to rest outside the window so you can sit across from him.

it’s moments like these, specifically, that you’re reminded why he has you wrapped so tightly around his finger. because yeah, he’s annoying and irritating and pisses you off to no end, but then he’s this. innocent kisses pressed to your temple and joking on your loveseat and sitting across from you on your window sill—just tiny moments that don’t mean much but are somehow worth it all.

“oi.” takeomi’s voice cuts through the fog of your mind, bringing you back to his hazy presence as you peer at him through a sheer layer of smoke. “want one?”

“what?” and surely you didn’t hear him correctly. he’s.. offering you a puff of his cigarette? there’s no way, not takeomi, because he used to tell you he’d kill you if he ever caught you with one. because someone as pretty as you shouldn’t do such a thing, should stay away from all that bad stuff.

(you found it ironic, since he literally murders for a living, but you never argued).

he holds the half burnt cigarette out to you, eyebrow cocked like he’s confused. “do you want a smoke? you keep staring at it.”

“oh.” it hits you, then, that he was simply asking because he caught you staring. but you weren’t staring at the goddamn cig, you were staring at him. maybe he doesn’t really have to know that part of it, though. “ah no, i don’t wanna put it…”

you gesture with your hands towards your mouth, internally cursing yourself that that was the best excuse you could come up with, that you didn’t want the cigarette to touch your fucking lips. for a second, though, you’re relieved, because takeomi nods like he gets it. like he approves. but then he’s leaning forward, reaching towards you again.

“well that’s not a problem,” he says.

and then he’s gripping your jaw and taking a hit and suddenly something completely foreign and definitely not oxygen is being blown into your mouth and infiltrating your lungs.

this is not like breathing, you decide, as your throat burns and your eyes water just a little bit, but you absolutely refuse to cough. not when takeomi’s face is so close. not when he’s still holding onto your jaw. not when his thumb is rubbing gentle circles into it while he stares at your lips and runs his tongue over his own and.

oh. the breath gets knocked out of you so fast that you forget you were supposed to be choking on cigarette smoke.

you almost miss it, the near silent “fuck” that slips out of his lips as he sees you release it all smoothly, like it wasn’t your first time ever inhaling cigarette smoke. something clicks in you, in him, at the same time. the rain is still pouring outside and the window sill is starting to cut into your leg a little and the humidity is making you dizzy but none of that really matters as takeomi shoves your back hard against the window frame and takes another swig from his stupid cig before slamming his lips to yours.

this time is inherently different than the first.

for starters, it’s not just a hand to your jaw restraining you, but takeomi’s got his other hand securely locked on your hip. you wonder where the cig is, if it’s still between his fingers, if it might burn you on accident, but you can’t think about it long.

the next thing you notice is that the burn is worse. because this time there’s no exit for he smoke that’s drifted it’s way into your system, you’re not too sure how to blow it out your nose and takeomi’s mouth keeps you trapped save for the few curls of grey that slip out every movement of lips.

and lastly—it’s so much fucking better than before.

you wish you could stay like this forever; the harsh burn in your lungs countered by the soft press of lips making you go totally dumb. but your body defies you, and this go around it’s not so easy to fend off the cough that starts to rack through your chest, so (begrudgingly) you shove takeomi back before you can hack in his mouth.

you find that it’s very very hard to try to catch your breath and cough every ounce of smoke out of your lungs at the same time, and if your eyes weren’t watering before then they sure as hell are now as you hold a hand to your chest.

“shit, sorry. ‘m sorry. that was stupid, are you alright?” takeomi rushes, hand sliding to rub soothing little patterns into the side of your throat. the cig is gone now, you realize, as he raises his other hand to swipe at the stray liquid that slips from your eye. “i shouldn’t have done that.”

“no, no, i-i’m fine. swear.” even you can tell your smile is sheepish as one last cough bubbles up. you stare at the man in front of you for a second, then dare to reach forward to brush the bangs out of his eyes. “that was, uh..”

“yeah,” he laughs, biting the edge of his lip. “shit, yeah, alright. not really how i planned for that to go.”

you snort at him, throat feeling a little rough but not necessarily bad as it vibrates with it. your fingers find their way to the front of his shirt, toying with it and smiling to yourself as he shifts impossibly closer to you on the cramped little sill.

“the nearly choking me to death on smoke or the kissing?” you ask, finally, and takeomi rolls his eyes so hard you think they might get stuck like that.

“the kissing, you fucking ass,” he retorts, pinching your cheek and doing it again when you pretend to bite at him. “though i have to admit, the whole choking thing was kinda cute.”

“i hate you,” you scoff, shoving his chest with no real effort or force, and leaning into him when he snakes an arm behind you to tug you forward.

“you’re sending me really mixed signals then.” and that damned smirk that twists up his lips, all knowing and cocky and charming has you winding your arms around his neck. “care to clear them up?”

you smile against his lips, a cant to your own that you just can’t help as the scent of cigarette smoke lingers in the air.

“gladly.”

reblogs appreciated <3

[jungwonenthusiast]

This is my first time here so I'm new but 2 & 15 Jay prompt (hard dom) female reader😣 Jay would say it...

A/N: I’m not really satisfied with this one, I feel like it isn’t good enough but I hope you still enjoy it. I also made Jay more of a soft dom bc I thought it fit the concept more but I tried to add a bit of degradation here and there :)

Warnings: unprotected sex, oral (f recieving), very slight degredation

Word count: 1.9 k

Tonight was the night, you could feel it. You’ve been dating Jay for a while and of course you’ve fantasized about it a lot, but you never felt like you were truly ready until now.

You’re watching a movie in your room when you lean over to peck his jaw. This earns no reaction so you move to his neck and kiss down until you reach the collar of his shirt.

“What’s up with you today?” he chuckles as you struggle to get his attention.

“I missed you.” you say and kiss him softly on the lips.

“I saw you yesterday.” he smiles.

“Still.” you kiss him harder this time and he finally gets the notice.

He pulls you onto his lap and sets his glasses on the nightstand.

You’ve made out before but it was usually more playful and just a way to show affection. This time it’s passionate and it’s evident that you both want something.

Your breathing gets a little heavy when his lips find your neck. He bites you softly and you giggle.

His hands sneak up your top and gently rub your sides.

He tastes like a woodfire and lust and you want him so bad that you can’t help but rock your hips against his. He smiles against your lips.

“This is new.” he says quietly and you giggle.

You feel a bit nervous and giddy but even more than that, excited.

“I think I’m ready.” you tell him and he cocks a brow.

“For what?”

“You know what.” you shove his shoulder a bit.

His eyes light up. “Really? Are you sure?”

You giggle again. He makes you very giggly. “Mhm.”

“You’re not just saying that because you think I want it right? I mean I do want it— a lot— but you know what I mean.”

You’ve never seen him nervous like this before. “Yes I’m sure. I’m saying it because I want it too.”

“Okay good,” he pecks your cheek. “Let’s continue shall we?”

You laugh and nod before crashing your lips against his.

He keeps one hand on your waist and the other on your chest, groping and massaging you.

After giving you a light hickey he flips you over so your back is on the bed. Just him doing that sends heat between your legs. You look so gorgeous displayed under him it gives him an instant hard on.

He kisses you and slides his knee between your thighs. Your breath hitches.

His hand trails from your chest up to your throat where he squeezes lightly. You let out a small moan and he smiles.

“I had a feeling you’d like that.” he says and kisses you again.

His knee has been pushing up on you for a bit, but now you’re craving something more. You grab his hand and place it at the band of your shorts.

“Do you need something?” he asks and you roll your eyes. “Don’t give me attitude, tell me what you want.”

Your sass is put to an end right away. You cave so easily under him. “Touch me please.”

“Attagirl.” he smiles and slips his fingers down the thin fabric.

Your whole body tenses once you feel him. It’s such a foreign feeling, having someone else touch you like this.

“Relax baby,” he kisses your neck. “I’ll make you feel good.” And he does.  

You moan at the first circle to your clit. You grip his wrist hard.

He smirks. “I didn’t know you were so sensitive.”

“Stop it.” you whine and he chuckles.

“It’s cute.” he says and kisses you with zeal.

He pulls the collar on your shirt down so he can place a hickey on your collarbone.

How can he multitask so well? You ask yourself.

It’s soon when your thighs begin to tremble.

“Not yet, not yet baby.” he says and settles himself between your legs. Oh. Your knees fall together right on que and he laughs. “Stop that.”

“I’m shy~” you complain.

“Since when,” he says. “You’re usually so bold.”

After some words of encouragement he finally gets your legs spread.

He tugs your shorts off leaving you in just your underwear. He snaps the band. “These are nice.”

You laugh and kick him in the shoulder. “You’re ruining the mood.”

“I’m just being myself.” he says and kisses your thigh. The kisses get messier and open mouthed as they travel down.

He runs his tongue on the lining of your underwear and at this point you're on the verge of begging for it. You squirm under him and he nips at your skin.

“Patience.” he says and gives you a few more kisses before finally sliding your underwear off.

He pulls away to admire you for a moment. “Such a pretty cunt.”

You feel your cheeks burn red and you resist closing your legs again.

He holds you tight before dipping his head down and licking one stripe up your pussy. Your thighs tense. It was just one touch, how does it feel so good.

He feeds off your pleasure and continues to lick agonizingly slow circles on your clit, paying attention to when your thighs would clench and when you would tug at his hair.

Your sounds are so intoxicating he could swear you’re a siren luring him to his death. But if he were to die by making you feel like this, it’d be worth it.

Soon you're a shaking mess, grabbing at the sheets and rolling your hips over his mouth. And you’re seconds away from finishing when he pulls away, You have to hold yourself back from socking him in the jaw.

“What was that for?” you whine.

“What?” he tugs his shirt over his head. “Do I make you feel that good?”

What a prick. A really hot one, but still a prick.

“Yes,” you admit. “Please keep going.”

“Hold on sweetheart I have something better planned,” he unbuttons his jeans “now just lay there and be pretty for me.”

He pushes your thighs up and rubs the head of his cock against your clit.

“Fuck,” you whisper and he kisses you. You taste yourself on his lips; sweet and treacly.

He kisses your neck. “How bad do you want it?”

You nod. “Really bad.”

“I don’t believe you. Convince me.” he teases and of course, you fold.

“Please fuck me, you know I need it.”

You saying that makes him lose his mind a little bit. “That’s more like it.” he lines himself up with you before slowly pushing in.

After being edged for so long, you nearly cum from the feeling of being filled up.

“So fucking tight.” he growls into your neck.

He lets you adjust to his size before slowly thrusting into you. You grab at his back and let a moan escape your throat.

“Feels good huh?”

You nod pathetically and cover your face with hands.

He takes them off. “Don’t do that, I wanna see your pretty face.” you listen to him and try to ignore how exposed you feel. You’re comfortable because it’s Jay but it still feels so new.

You cling onto him and curse into his neck. “Keep going please.”

He smiles. “What a good slut, so desperate for this cock.”

Your eyes roll back as his tip hits your g-spot over and over again.

He kisses you before pounding into you, holding onto the headboard for leverage.

You let out a sultry whine and he groans.

“Touch yourself.” he says to you. “Show me how you like it.”

It makes you feel shy but you listen to him. Your fingers travel down to your clit and with him fucking you like this, you almost go insane from how good everything feels. Every touch and every word sends you into a euphoria that you’ve never felt before. You’re almost embarrassed about how he could get you like this.

“How long have you thought about me fucking you like this?” he asks.

“So long,” you say softly. “You’re so good.”

“Naughty,” he kisses your neck. “I never knew you were so bad.”

You start to feel the fire grow hotter and hotter in the pit of your stomach and you hold on to his arms as hard as you can.

“Fuck,” you whimper. “Please make me cum.”

“Close already?” he chuckles “You’re easy to get off.”

“Please?” you ask with more desperation in your voice.

He smirks. “Does my baby need to cum that bad?” his hand finds your throat again. “Are you that much of a needy slut?”

His fake sympathy just makes you wetter. So wet that you can hear it every time he slams into you.

“Yes Jay, just please make me cum.” you beg him. The look in your face is so hopeless and enticing that he has so choice but to comply.

“Alright princess, only because you asked so nicely.” he starts to thrust into you faster. You can hear the bed frame rattling. “Keep rubbing your clit baby, that’s it.”

He’s so gorgeous with that fierce look in his eyes and his black hair hanging over his face. You hold tight onto his wrist as you start pulse around him.

“Fuck,” he moans quietly. “Cum on this cock, I know you can.”

You push all of your worries to the back of your head and stay focused on him. His cock thrusting in and out of you, the sound of your wet pussy, your juices being rubbed on your clit, the squeeze on your neck, and dirty words being whispered into your ear.

“Look at you all spread out for me like this like a little fuck doll.” he says and just like that, you're crying out, cumming so hard that you're on the verge of tears.

“That’s it,” he whispers to you. “What a good girl.” he kisses you slowly, wanting to give you his love in a way that can’t be communicated with words. You feel his love. It fills your chest with a golden light. He watches your face contort in pleasure and that alone sends him over the edge. “Fuck,” he groans.

He pulls out and wipes away the tears that started to spill out of your eyes. “Are you okay baby? Was I too rough?”

“No no,” you shake your head and giggle. “It just felt really good.”

“Your thighs are shaking so much.” he points out which you didn’t even notice until he did so.

You look away, blushing.

“Damn I guess I am good.” he says with a smug look on his face.

You roll your eyes. “Fuck off you ass.”

“What? There’s physical evidence.” he points at your legs. “I am a sex god.”

You fall back onto your back, laughing. “You’re such a goof.”

“And a sex god.” he says and you kick him.

“Quit it and go get me a towel.”

“Fine fine,” he backs off with a grin.

He tugs his clothes on before heading out the door.

You nearly pass out when you hear him say. “Yo Sunghoon guess what I just did?”

[marvelous-harry]

can we have harry and florence taking read or for a bath pleaseeeeeeee!!!

I literally hate this so much. Sorry to anon who requested this. It’s just a mess.

-

"Babe! It's time to come inside!" Harry shouted as he waved his hand to get my attention.

Looking up from the slab I was currently washing, I let go of the button. "What?" I asked, trying to hear him over the rain and the little distance between us.

"Time to come inside!" he shouted again, waving me over. "It's going storm," he called out and pointed to the sky.

"But I'm not done yet!" I shouted back and looked at the path I still needed to wash and the little patio area by the shed.

"I don't care. Inside now," He said firmly.

Stomping over to my pressure washer, I kept throwing glares over at Harry who was stood watching, making sure I was actually coming inside. Shutting everything off, I pushed it under the roof before coming over to the door.

"You can put away that attitude. You've been out there for hours in the rain which is bad enough, wasn't about to let you get struck by lightning," Harry told me as I started taking off my raincoat. "You're soaking wet," he remarked as he looked me over.

"It's raining," I shrugged and took off my socks.

"Come on, Floss is running a bath," Harry patted my bum and locked the door before ushering me upstairs.

"Oooo! I want a bath bomb!" I wrapped my arms around myself and shivered slightly, feeling a bit cold now that I was thinking about it.

"I'm sure she's put one in or some bubbles," Harry said as he opened the bathroom door.

A lovely scent of red berries hit me as we stepped inside. There were a few candles lit on the counter and the ceiling light had been dimmed down.

"Well this is fucking romantic," I whistled as I looked around.

"You always get so cocky when you do pressure washing. The power goes to your head," Florence spoke up from where she was sitting in the bath.

I chuckled and started undressing. "Can't help it. Nothing like ripping weeds away from their home, killing them forever with one powerful water blast,"

Harry looked at me amused. "Alright, weed killer," he held out a hand for me and helped me step into the bath.

"Are you not coming in?" I asked as I slowly sat down, closing my eyes as the warm water hugged my body.

"Just going to get us something to drink," Harry smiled and leaned over, giving Florence a kiss.

"Thank you," she smiled and watched him leave.

"I love this bath. Such a good idea," I hummed as I looked over at her and grabbed her hand, lacing our fingers together.

Florence smiled and pulled me over. "Very good idea," she agreed as she positioned me so I was resting against her chest.

"I thought some strawberries would be nice too," Harry said as he entered the bathroom with his hands full.

"Mmmm, strawberries, mimosas, my two loves, and a hot bath. What more could a girl ask for?" Florence smiled as she tightened her arm around me.

"Mimosas?!" I asked excitedly and looked up. "Yummy,"

Watching as Harry made us all our drinks and handed us our champagne flutes.

"This is the best bath ever," I moaned as I took a sip of the mimosa before taking a strawberry as I watched Harry strip down and get into the bath. "Come closer," I whined as Harry went to rest on the other side of the bath. "We bought a four-person bath for a reason," I pointed out as he slowly made his way over to not jostle the water too much.

"That is true. And it cost a fucking fortune so we should be living in this bath to make it worth it," Harry said as he settled back next to Florence.

"Seeing you guys naked in it makes it worth it for me," I remarked as I sipped my mimosa.

"Cheeky!" Florence laughed as she put her glass on the side of the bath so she could take hold of Harry's hand as well hold me close. "I thought it would be nice to spend a little quality time together before Harry has to go on tour and we nip off to Ireland," she said softly.

Frowning, I grabbed onto my glass tighter as I took a big sip.

"I know. It's going to be weird, isn't it? We've been together so much. Barely been apart really," Harry commented with a sigh. "Going to miss you two," he reached out for my hand.

Pushing it away, I put my glass down before moving over to the other side of the bath. "Shut up," I told them brought my knees up and hugged them tightly. "I don't want to talk about that," I added as I looked away.

"Darling," Florence sighed and reached out her hand towards me which I ignored.

"We were having a good time, why would you bring that up?" I whispered sadly.

""I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to upset you. Will you please come back?" Florence asked gently. "I won't mention it anymore tonight,"

I glanced over at her and Harry before sighing and moving back, settling on Harry's lap.

He wrapped his hands around my waist while he kissed my neck. "You excited for tomorrow?" he asked.

I nodded as I played with Florence's fingers. "Mhmm," I hummed as I lied back against him. "We're going to roast marshmallows and sit by the fire," I told him as I looked up at him.

"Yeah? That'll be nice! Hopefully, this rain will stop so we can spend some time outside. Maybe go for a walk on the beach," Harry smiled.

"It's going to be the best weekend ever!" I grinned. "Our first proper little holiday where no one has to work!" I said excitedly.

"It's going to be great. I'm so excited," Florence handed me my glass of mimosa before grabbing her own. "To our cabin weekend away," she said and clinked our glasses together.

Smiling, I clinked my glass with Harry's as well before taking a sip.

[muffindaddystyles]

KISMETS (Part 3)

Harry Styles x Preggs Fem!Reader.

Frenmies to lovers to parents, Dadthon!!H

Oral Smut, dirty talk and teasing.

Angst! Angst and fluff!! N' tooth rotting fluff.

Dadrry, bestie!h, boyfriend!h

Author's Note: The concept's kinda weird but if you've watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S and Phoebe Buffay carrying child for someone. You've got it my pal!

MASTERLIST PART 1 PART 2 LETS TALK/ ASK

The morning light cocoons them with softness and they don't care if they're sitting in a pool of blood.

"I love you too, so much." She hiccups pacifying down not wanting to never be to able say them again as Harry runs a hand at her back, limbs still tangled with eachother, whispering sweet things to her while Miss. Dori pulled her placenta out, "Y/N?" He panics when she dulls in his arms head lulling at his shoulder and heartbeat slowing down to feeble line. Gently pulling his face out from the cave of her neck he pats her cheek worriedly, again, at her unconscious state, her head dangling back over his wrist, "Y/N!?" His heart squeezing tight miserably into his ribcages when she doesn't respond to his calls.

Or

Harry and Y/N are back being to besties and enjoying being pregnant together.

Warning: Mentions of blood, pregnancy trauma and natural childbirth hurdles.

//

Eyes gives it all. Even the hidden treasures get's looted from the mere mistake of someone's gaze just like right now when he's pretending to be confused as ever, "what? Called her myself . . ." He frowns and she sniffs frozen in her position feeling exposed from the vulnerability of being naked infront of him; tries to cover herself criss-crossing her arms over her chest.

"Why'd you d'that?" She hiccups wiping her blushed nose and his pupils bursts wide into realization. Immediately, cradles her face tenderly stroking the apple of her cheeks shaking his head vigorously, "Oh -— no. no. no baby told her to come over to take her leftover stuff if not I better give it to charity."

"O . . okay." She sucks in a breather. Without a word he removes hers arms away in a gesture that you never need to hide from me. Kisses her shoulder blade stroking her wrists and her pulse in circles.

"Don't cry, lil penguin. Why're ye' cryin'?" He asks in his most gentle voice feathering her cheek with the back of his hand, "'m . . . 'm scared." She tries to recoup her cries holding her breath causing her cheeks to puff like a fish.

"Let's get you cleaned warm and nice. Then we'll talk yeah lovie?" He slides her elbows behind his neck holding her strongly to walk them to his bedroom. Gives her a bath full of vanilla bubbles, essential oils, scrubbed her back and would trail kisses up her belly from under water making her giggle and weave her fingers into his own wet curls.

Him loving all three of them's the most adorable thing.

Got her ready for mid-nap with his sweater and boxers putting fur pads atop her ears, aloe fused socks on her feet and turning the heat a bit to sleepy temperature. Tucks a quilt under their chins and snuggles her closer to himself letting herself calm to his heartbeats before she speaks her heart out to him, "wanna talk? What you're scared of babe tell me all of it. Knows that I'll handle." He slips further into bed bringing her thigh around his torso and her head atop his buff chest.

She exhales loudly trying to subside the emotional feeling of crying along with each word that comes out of her mouth. Her bad habbit of grounding everything to the pit of her stomach until it blasts into a massive destruction always gets her into worst scenarios.

"'M worried about alot of things –- actually." She peeks up at him and he's already looking down at her genuinely with relaxed self to let her know that nothing has changes and he's still her bestfriend who'd wait for her till she manages to speak, "about what?" He encourages her petting down her hair.

"Everything like 'like future . . 'n — me being a good mum after all of that 'm uni too. . . the semester would start right after the month of my delivery." She furls her toes to keep her anxiety at bay level cocooning her womb cause she feels the safest with the assurement of her babies being with her, "about my career and what about me dreams? What if I'll never get to chase 'em?" He listens to her diligently boring his gaze to the way her lips mold with each word. Sighs gently rubbing her arms up and down salutating his palm around the side of her neck to tip her face towards him. His lips lingers at her temple murmuring against it, "Together we're gonna do this."

"You're gonna be the kindest and bestest mommy ever Y/N. I belive in ye' and about your dreams. I'll take care that nothing comes in the way to stop ya . . You'll attend UNI same as before 'cause 'm takin' a break to be with our babies till your done with your degree." He declares to her seriously and honestly running his hand all over her spine to assure her in every way possible, locking his ankles with her under the sheets.

"'M a big boy now! A daddy to two babies don't underestimate me miss gremlin!" He grins impishly smushing his cheeks into her side wide spreading his palm atop her tummy warmly with bare fingers, "'kay gotcha!" She giggles cuddling into him with droopy eyes inhaling the same scent she's lathered in from the sweet spot of his neck.

//

She wakes up in the evening satisfied and happy with the nap marks, sweaty baby hairs, a bit of drool at the corner of her mouth and Harry already awake but still spooning her. He's her pregnancy pillow.

Covers her mouth with his pinky and ring finger when she yawns cutely stretching beneath him slowly blinking. Proper stops with his intense loving gaze still on her and blushes hard when he pecks her dry lips after sleep. Her chest heaves with his kisses and snogs trailing down between the valley of her breasts making her card her fingers through his chocolate curls. Whimpers ever hoarsely raising her hips in air for some friction and to levitate the throb in between her legs asking for him to release the ache away.

He takes the hint scooching closer to her side nudging her knees wide stroking the flesh of her thighs with tickling pinches. She whines fisting sheets with yearning arch of her back, "insatiable lil thing aren't ya?" He gives a toothy grin wetting his lips making her pause in her heave of getting his fingers instead flickering her vision over his candy plush lips.

"Kiss me?" She whispers and how couldn't he when she's looking this soft, warm and full of blush from the nap. He was litreally nutters for not ever pondering over the thought how alluring and attractiveness her satiny features hold, "'course darlin'." He tips her chin towards himself letting her sweet cushiony lips fuse against his's into an ardent kiss shooting her libidos 100 times higher than before making her moan pathetically into his mouth.

Her forearms winding around his shoulders instinctively and exhales through her nose not pulling away from the kiss and squeaks lowly when he bites her lower lip pulling away, "'ve got asthma y'mad mad woman." He gapes down at her dramatically fiddling with the bow of her panties. They skim down to her mound feeling the slickness that has spread all around and the rough trim of hair, "and I've got an extravagant sex drive!" It whisks into a breathy gasp of dense air when he slid his digits in between her slick folds flickering her swollen clitoris and repeating till she's panting for more.

"Sad innit? 'S me fault. I should be the one to help my girl out." He mutters trailing sweet kisses down her swollen belly to her pelvis snapping the elastic with his teeth causing her to jolt under his firm hold. She's too floaty else the statement of him claiming her would have swiped her away into a paradise of never ending imaginations.

"Mhmp. What did ya had fo' lunch lovie'?" He licks her juices off from the inside of her thighs sending intense quivers to her core. His palms smoothes under her thighs to hike them up and over his shoulders nipping at her skin when all she did was responded with a gasp, "d- dunno forgot . ." He perks his brows to his forehead commenting playfully while dipping down to tickle her with his curls.

"Pregnancy made ye' loose your braincells, moppet?" She raises her hand to smack him at head instead tugs his hair when for finally he flattens his tongue thickly against her wet cunt to give a good mind boggling lick sucking her clitoris in the way, "asshole. . ." She moans squirming like leaf under him but he quites her by taking her sensitive nub between his teeth to give a little graze and pull. It makes her pussy lips flutter and her hole leak with so much wetness it sticks to Harry's chin.

"H – ha . . rry. Harry." She tries to grind her hips against his mouth but he tuts brushing his pads around her dripping hole to tease her, "yes baby?" Groans of annoyance fills the room and she shoves her face into the pillow bitting down the snarky insults thrown at the curly head.

"Not gonna give ye' me fingers till you ask fo' it." He smooches wet filthy kisses letting her stickiness coat his lips stirring a ball of fire in her pit, "shut up." She whines nudging him with her knee telling him to do something to relax her.

"Make me." He smirks tilting his head to suck her petal fold creating dirty seductive noises on purpose. She huffs taking the matters into her hands pulling him up towards her by a hard grip onto his hair, "ouch ouch!!" He quips shutting his eyes tight.

"Harry Styles you make me cum or I'm never letting you fuck me ever." She glares him and he gives out a defeated sigh naughtiness still lurking in his moss of irises, "bossy – kay! Sorry! Was kiddin' babe. 'M all here to please ye'." She nods her head curtly shoving him back down and he giggles at her when in an instant from an angry lil penguin she melted into a mush of gooe when Harry thrusted two fingers at once inside her curving them once they were buried snug deep.

"Yes. Yes. Yes." She gasps moving her hips along him that he stayed in his place eating her out while his fingers pushed in and out of her tight pussy with squelching noises, "fuckin' tight urghh." He grits rubbing her clit into harsh circles with his other hand, mouth on her cunt and fingers fucking her continuously.

"Want more?" He asks and she bobs her head not even processing what he said almost loosing the idea of her presence feeling too much ecastasy and over the clouds, "here take as much as ye' want baby." He slips another third finger admiring the way her pussy stretches swallowing his fingers, "'m gonna lick your little wet cunt off then clean it with me filthy tongue to make a mess of ye' all over again filling you full with me cock. Sounds good baby?" He knows she's the shy lil bean and his sweet enthusiastic words of vulgarism heats her up enough.

"Gonna come. Harry --" She tips her head down and back in air eyes rolling into her sockets. Harry rubs her outer thighs soothing her thrashing body, "shhh baby relax. You can cum on me fingers." She obliges him softening in his arms and her pussy makes soppy noises gushing with each wave of pleasure throbbing around his digits while he works her out to make her feel as giddy as he could, "That's it baby girl. That's it cum fo' me again?" He prods at the sponge of bump inside her seething through her twitching walls making it impossible for him to pull out and tent his cock against the bed leaving a spot of how turned on he's at the moment.

But, his first-most priority is her. It always was her maybe more than Chessie

"Happy my lil lioness?" He comes back on top of her arms digged on either side of her temple and she tries to squint from one eye pulling him to herself planting a rewarding kiss at his cheek, "how 'bout a pizza from Tommy's place?" He lays ontop of her (like half ontop of her and half on his side; just to share her warmth).

"Can I have an extra topping of olives, pretttyy pleaseee?" She makes a weird funny face to convince him, "but you're allergic to 'em." He frowns sitting up thumb hovering over the contacts popping on the screen. He has everything memorized she's allergic to; it's not much peanuts, olives and clay dough ( she claims that she ate it once when she was possibly 5 and it swelled her flesh up ) not that she's gonna nip at it now but Harry couldn't trust her cravings at all.

"But 'm craving them sooo baddd." She clutches the hem of his tattered shirt pouting but he retorts with the shake of his head intervining their fingers together to kiss her knuckles, "Nope moppet. We don't need another hospital visit at fou' in the morning like last time, do we?" She remembers it. A very angry Chessie at his doorsteps while he helped her walk inside this home post hospital visit.

"I hate this." She huffs folding her arms against her chest, "I know. How about we delay getting y'sick once babies are out?"

"You kidding?" Her mouth slacks turning into a widespread grin at last, "absolutely not. Pizza without olives yeah?" He smacks a kiss against her open mouth loudly before his phones rings at the pizza place.

//

Harry's the busy bee. From grocery shopping to making the list of all the organic food he needs to line up his pantry with, he took everything's responsibility on himself. Cause mama has a huge duty for wrapping two babies in her womb safe and heated. Even when she tries to bend down to put a plate in dishwasher he skates near her supporting her back and scolding her, "all you've t'do is eat and nap. Dunno fucks count 'cause we fuck alot — chill sweet baby. 'switch onto telly 'm bringing banana milk and cookies." She pouts because she doesn't want to be a burden on him. She wants to suspect any tiredness from his features — the way he's been on his trippy toes for her from eight and half months but how much she tries she couldn't instead he looks way more giggly and joyful than before with never ending dad jokes and teasing bum pats.

They indeed fuck alot. Harry loves that she's always sleepy and clingy — he thinks he's truly, deeply and madly in love with his lil penguin but they're in the middle of train's track whose destination is atlast confession of love but he wants to wait. He can't wait though. He's always been impatient and light from stomach can't sleep at night without sharing a word of his swimming thought with anyone. He shared it with Nialler, it was at three in the morning after Y/N sucked his cock dry with so much admiration for his prick he was bout to cry and blurt out but he didn't. Cuddled with her and oreo practically on his face then ringed his lad startling him up, "why did ya wake me up fo' something we all already know Harold? Do I've to teach ya lessons cause now that would be a shame to your kiddos." He grunted dropping the call leaving Harry baffled and alone to his thoughts again.

"Sweet angel . . " He cooes jarring the door to his room with his foot. She has moved in to his house, from guest room to his room and his heart. Told him she didn't like sleeping alone and gets the most amazing slumber squished up against his chest in his arms. He was ardent that she completes him. He's right. She does. Always had but this time it's till they're getting old and wrinkly.

Lilac walls glow from the telly's illumination and the flicker of light from their open wardrobe. His ears perks at a repulsive groan and his brows dips to tune into the situation, "what are ye' doin', pet?" He asks confused at the sight of Y/N in a funny position with a razor in her hand standing in the middle of their wardrobe trying to duck and see through her huge bump.

"'M tryin' to shave me legs — seems impossible though." She throws her head back to convey her annoyance and Harry chuckles placing the banana milk and the plate of dark chocolate cookies atop the drawer island taking her wrist which's holding onto the razor, "you don't 'ave to it's just a maternity shoot –- no biggie, moppet." She huffs. Their faces at level and intimately close to have a good stare in eachother's eyes.

"No biggie!? it's the first time I'll get to have someone take me pictures, all, personally fo' me." Her smile pouty as she tries not to break her disgruntled facade down.

"How 'bout the times, I was a victim of ye'r endless pictures taking sessions?" He squints down at her. Hands out of instinct fumbling by her sides to feel her warmth on his skin, "you were sooo shittt at that job."

"Kay, kay then, lemme just –- hand this razor, I'll shave ye'r legs pretty girl." Happily she shoves it in his grip while he knees down hiking her leg ontop of his knee. His pink tongue popping out in concentration. She trusts him in this because last time he was the one to shave herdown there. Taking a sip of her banana milk she taps the straw against his lips speaking, "a bestie in need is a bestie indeed." With his eyes on her ankle and his pretty hands which could make her come infinite times right now working so diligently, He gives her a high five taking a sip himself.

She breaks a cookie forwarding it to Harry and he looks up — so being all dramatic she acts shy and blushy turning her gaze away in a swift, "what baby?" He laughs putting her other foot on his knee his grip tight around her ankle.

"Don't stare at me calves like that you creep." He wipes away the crumbs from his lips giggling and making her giggle, "I've literally shaved your cooch days before." She jabs her big-toe against his nipple getting a high pitched squeak from a grown ass man in return.

"I hate you!" She says through the spurt of chuckles and his response in return turned both of them silent, "I know ye' love me." Their cheeks blazed. Eyes twinkling. Hearts doing lil dance dance but nobody from them tries to break the comforting silence knowing they'd word vomit the instant they'd.

They say "I love you." And "love you." in their normal routines without making it a mess of shyness. But the butterflies at that specific moment when the epiphany dawns on the pair that they really are in love with eachother makes their tummies float in void with butterflies.

"All done!" He announces enthusiastically kissing her knee like she's a princess in distress and the words burns at the plush of her lips, "love you."

"You too, lil penguin." He smiles boyishly.

"Oh fuck, I forgot we're gonna have shoot in our pyjamas." She yells in a low hum and he rolls his eyes slapping her ass, "rotten you're."

"Oopsies."

//

A maternity shoot in their back garden along oreo never seemed this fun when they were gushing about it days prior. Nialler gifted them cute baby pink coloured matching pyjamas with yellow peaches pattern, mommy and daddy embroidered on them. They even matched some fluffy kitten hats too!! A pair of yellow and pink with kitten ears with goggly eyes, big cheshire that of Oreo.

Their close friend Onna was all up for the shoot and nothing's more adorable than Harry's soft hands around Y/N's belly in a protective way, while they sat on the fluffy growing grass and cotton flowers. Her back resting against his taught chest, his legs wrapped on either side of her and oreo almost stretching atop her bump quenching loud belly ache laughs from them.

"Two pictures 'n 'm already tiredd, pff." She gasps shuffling a little to activate her sore bum and Harry pecks her shoulder cutely, "some more 'cause you'll grump later." Onna captures each every second of their tooth rotting interaction.

"Oi. I'll not!!" To avoid a banter Harry taps her chin pointing towards the camera speaking, "last one doll, one to show that we really are pregnant." Onna's laughing at their techniques. Shaking her head with each shot of overloaded sweetness she traps in her camera.

"I. Am. Indeed. Pregnant. Pet." She looks down with wide eyes rubbing her prodding tummy in circles, the top button litreally about to pop and Harry's face adorns with a naughty grin showing his bunny teeth, "Me too!!" He squeals rubbing his moth covered belly the same way she's doing and it sent both girls into fits of laughters.

"Sillllyyyyy." She sing-songs throwing an arm around the nape of his neck to bring him closer and smooch a loving kiss to his cheek, "you're gonna be the best dad." She whispers eyes closing into the diameter of his scent and he rests his lips against her forehead. Onna having a smile of adoration for her friends while she did her job, laying down to capture this one beautifully.

"Yeah?" His voice just audible to them. "Uhmm." She nods fiddling with the collar of his pyjamas and their bubbles pops when oreo tugs at Y/N's top revealing her graceful babies bump.

"You batty creature!!" She tries to grab oreo to smoosh her in her arms but oreo gallops miles away before it could happen.

//

The whole last night Y/N couldn't sleep. Tossing and turning with whines of complaints to a snoring Harry on her side. When Harry woke up she was already staring him like an owl scaring the poor thing, cause it wasn't a loving one. It was a proper creeping stare with baggy eyes and pouty lips, "can we have 'em out already?" She snuggles into his throat and he massages her head.

"In a week." He grogs out stroking his cheek against her's, "Have ya taken out all the required papers?" He asks her and she nods with a yawn. Today's the enrollment day for Y/N's next semester -- Harry will go to her UNI to talk to the administration instead of her.

"I'll be back in no time, till then try havin' a good rest, want some donughts from that one shop near ye'r UNI?" He thumbs at her baby locks. She shakes her head murmuring into his flimsy sweat shirt, "not feeling like it." Dunno what happened. She was alright after for finally her sickness went away but today she feels like shit because of her Braxton hicks climbing to painful peak.

Kissing her head last time he untangles himself to get ready and she watches him buttoning up his cuffs with his curl dangling over his eyes, he's looking handsome and a bit too out of her league with the crisp white shirt and chequered trousers.

He squats down pecking her lips. Her nostrils filling with cinnamon ocean-y smell soothing the tick of her nerves. Her body reacting to even the air pricking at her skin, "don't miss me too much, lil penguin." He gives her an eskimo kiss knowing she's feeling down and tired today the way she has her face squished into pillow and isn't trying even to cup his cheeks like she does everytime he leaves for something.

He puts her phone on the nightstand tugging her under the sheets, switching off the lamp and slowly exists the room not to disturb her. She doesn't know when he leaves but the pin-drop silence tells it all and she's half conscious half awake with fluttering eyelids.

She turns on her back with a groan to get rid of the dull ache in her pelvis and outer thighs — but then she feels something . . . . something wet between down there and it makes her snap open her eyes blinking blankly at the ceiling. Tries not to think of bad scenarios but it's otherwise.

"Holy cow of jesus." She fists the pillow under her sitting up with much difficulty and to her worst horrors the sheets are sploched badly. She stands up with her spine almost bending in two — staying calm and positive even when a heavy gush of water trickles down her legs soaking the rug. It has nothing attractive in it as they show in movies but rather feels like a dam leaking and a litreal adult peeing in their gowns.

She snatches the phone from nightstand putting a firm arm beneath her belly walking out of room, her maternity floral white gown clinging to her skin. A tinge of shock weaved through her bones but that didn't made her loose her balance. She wants to throw the phone against the wall when the line always beeps busy, "already missin — " his honey of voice bringing tears in her eyes.

"Get your ass back home!! Right fuckin' now!" She yells into speaker trudging forward with carefull steps. He pushes onto breaks hard, panicking into his seat, "What happened!?" He's quick in turning gears speeding back home. Her lips wobbles blue from pain and the unbearable throb between her thighs. Words struck in her throat as she tries to speak gripping the globe of stair railing leaning against it when a hard contraction striked against her spine.

"'M going into labour — " Harry's heart falls into his arse. His vision blurring from the intensity of the moment and he's thanking Gods for being five minute drive away from home. How many times they prepared for this time it all went in vain and now Harry's beating himself for leaving her side at all, "'m comin' home, it's okay baby, it's okay breath." His lips stammers from an invisible fear and fingers twitches around the wheel.

Wanted to shout at him "breath, my ass." Instead She gasps loudly in fright when she feels her cervix dilating to the maximum point and it did the last fireworks for her tears, "no, no, noo!!"

"'M giving birth!!" She shouts kissing her teeth together to keep the pain at the bay hooking a thumb into her panties, scrunching her dress up to press them under her armpits and squatting down with the heels of her palms pressed with so much strength over the last stair case, "what? oh my — 'm calling our midwife." She can feel a head trying to force it's way out from her vagina and it rakes out a sob from her chest.

"Please be gentle with mommy, 'm coming." Harry says and it comes out as a weak whisper while he drives sitting on the edge of the seat and Y/N's ears are ringing with white noise to even pay attention to what he's saying. Her gown drenching with sweat and she screamed at the top of her lungs pushing with her all might scaring a sleepy oreo in her bassinet, "Shit." He mutters tugging his curls back immediately calling their midwife. He wishes his babies could atleast wait for him to be there with their momma.

"Miss. Dori !! Y/N has gone into labour, 'm out, dunno —---" There's loud urgent shuffling on her side that of picking stuff and closing metal boxes as she assures Harry with firmness, "I'll be there in just 10 minutes, till then reach there as quick as possible. She needs you Mr. Styles." It collects sweat at the dip of his spine sky rocketing his anxiety. His breath elevating at the sight of his society's gate and if it was possible he'd have flown to her.

Parking hastily on the side of road and leaving his car's door open — dishelved he steps outside almost falling square on his face while the old couple that use to sit at their porch in mornings watch him with concern, "Is everythin' alright son?"

They ask and Harry nods yelling to them, "Y/N is in labour!!" His face blowing out of any color when his ears fills with painful screams of his lil penguin and his fingers jumbles with keys unlocking the door.

It's surreal. The realization not completely setting in that all of this's happening right at this moment, that he's going to be a daddy in some hours, Y/N hunched over the bottom stair squatting down with thighs wide apart and her gown soaked against her back. His breath knocks out of his lungs and eyes bursts into shock when he sees his baby's head pushing it's way out in between her legs.

"I can see it's head! I can see it's head oh m'godness." He announces rushing towards her and Miss. Dori guides him, "Harry help her pull it out, cup the baby's head and if it's shoulders are grab-able, have it out." He places the phone atop the stair sitting down beside Y/N kissing the side of her head quickly wiping her tears away.

"Hi baby, it'll be alright, 'm here now let's pull our bubba out mighty quick." He presses his chest to floor to look down there and if Y/N would have been in her good state of mind she'd have butt him in not to. His brows kinks tightly together as he tries to concentrate and not to pass out from the sight of blood and his blood covered infant half hanging in it's mother's v.

Gently he wraps his shivering palm around it's head and shoulder moreso figuring out if it could itself comes out, "push a bit more, moppet." She shakes her head furiously crying and trying with all her will, "It's hurts!!" He wishes the process wasn't that painful.

"I know, I know baby —- oh okay okay! We got him." He cackles through his worry taking him all out and in his arms having a good grip around it's tiny waist fearing it would slip. Y/N takes a huge sigh of relief muscles loosening and shoulders slumping. She could hear him sniffing close to her with little noises despite of how much she wants to hug him, she still has another one to bring out in the world.

"It's Elios." He grins with ablazed glossy eyes stroking his tweeny baby hair back. Though his excitement shatters into pieces as he cries to Miss. Dori, "He's not breathin, n'--not breathin' what do I do??" He has switched into his fight and flight mode. Fat tears spilling down his cheeks. Y/N wants to have him in her arms and make sure her baby's healthy but a hard contraction makes her bones jello with her another baby trying to pop out.

"Calm down Mr. Styles, Is his cord wrapped 'round his neck?" When Harry couldn't mutter a single word just shaking his head ear to ear staring down his little one with fear and sadness, Y/N screams for him, "No!!"

"It's nothin', clean his nose, it's probably some clotting blocking his breathing passage." Harry acts on her instruction without wasting a time and the threshold's walls bounced with prattle of his low coarse cries, "Oh my god!!" Harry gasps holding his baby boy closer to his chest not giving two fucks if his shirt and skin stains with thick blood.

In the meantime Miss. Dori and her assistant nurse tramps through their door. Cutting the cord Nurse takes Elios from Harry's arms and takes him for a cleanup as Harry leads her to their nursery. When he comes back Miss. Dori has their other bubba already out and it's worth watching him flying into clouds of paradise, full of glee, happiness, so much happiness has never experienced before.

"Hi. Victoria." He keeps his voice soft if she's a chinese porcelain doll and would break in his arms. He loves his son to core but the way his heart just swirled with fondness and love for his daughter the second she was layed into his embrace was something else. He's tender with her and from just gazing her it spurt out a sob from the deepest of his tummy, "she was so stubborn to come out rather than his brother." Miss. Dori tells him and his head perks up with proud adoration. Handing her to nurse he turns his gaze back to his exhausted lil penguin leaning against the wall now. And scoots closer to his bestfriend, the love of his life and the mother of his babies.

Hugging her warmly and affectionately, winding his arm around the nape of her neck to smoosh her into his chest while she cries against his throat. Being tender and the softest yet sweetest he could be with her, pressing his lips against her ear to whisper words that made her cry even more loudly into his bicep, "I love you, I love you more than anythin' in the world, 'm s' soo proud of ye' baby, me soulmate and the love of me life. I promise to love you forever and infinity." The world blurs around them and their heartbeats latches to sync in with eachother. The morning light cocoons them with softness and they don't care if they're sitting in a pool of blood, mess of the beautiful birth of their gorgeous twins.

"I love you too, so much." She hiccups pacifying down not wanting to never be able say them again as Harry runs a hand at her back, limbs still tangled with eachother, whispering sweet things to her while Miss. Dori pulled her placenta out, "Y/N?" He panics when she dulls in his arms head lulling at his shoulder and heartbeat slowing down to feeble a line. Gently pulling his face out from the cave of her neck he pats her cheek worriedly, again, at her unconscious state, her head dangling back over his wrist, "Y/N!?" His heart squeezing tight miserably into his ribcages when she doesn't respond to his calls.

"'M listenin', pet." She whispers smiling weakly and Harry's lungs nourishes with air, "Scared me baby love." He hugs her again with a wobbling pout and this time she tries to console him.

"Y'okay baby? Should we go to hospital? It's better if —--"

"'M okay!!" She simpers kissing the dip of his collarbone. Carefully he smoothes an arm down her back and knees picking her up bridal style to take her to their bathroom for a hot nice bath full of essential oils. He caress her face, trailing his knuckles down her cheeks, gazing her fondly while sitting down on the floor beside her with his one hand inside the warm water to lull around her calves.

"I love you, you've given me such beautiful babies. 'Ave ye seen Tori ? She's a proper you, that lil bunny mouth of yours, aish." He giggles and she squeezes his fingers in a silent gesture to tell him how happy she's. Drying her clean with a towel and moisturizing her body, making her wear her comfortable gown.

When he tucks her under sheets she babbles with droopy eyelids and tired body, "can I see my babies?" He smauches a kiss against her forehead, "After a teeny rest, yeah angel?" But, she was already out like a bulb making him chuckle softly.

//

Miss. Dori left the kind nurse behind with them till Y/N wakes up and with her help Harry lays down the twins on either side of their mommy. Deeply pondering how lucky he's to have his family completed and healthy, tucked into their mother's armpits.

He giggles and holds his breath in awe when Elio wriggles in his blanket, scootes his bum closer when Y/N yawns and stretches, "how ye' feelin'?" He brushes her loose tresses back and she nods attempting to sit up.

"Good." Thanking him when he gets comfy amount of pillows behind her, "wanna hold them?" He asks as she ducks down to kiss both of their soft skins.

"'M arms are still shakin' . ." She chuckles, "no biggie, I'll help ya out, a bestie in need is a bestie indeed." She giggles loudly startling Tori and Harry hushes her comically scooching behind her embracing her in a heated wrap from behind chin resting over her shoulder, "shh, gotta be quite with this one — such a light sleeper bub."

"This's Victoria Anne Styles and Elios Vincent Styles." He supports her one forearm with his's under: giving Elio to her and having Tori in his other, "are you presenting them to me as some kind of award for my bravery, pet?" She nudges him playfully and he shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly.

"Such nice awards, innit?" He gives her an eskimo kiss and she puckers her lips asking for a loving smooch of his candy lips, "absolutely."

//

They took their first nap together with Harry and Y/N on either side of bed with their babies in the middle of their warmth just like a nest of sparrows, safe, comfy and utterly snuggly with the couple protecting their dainty creatures of soft flesh from the storms of outside.

"C'mere baby . . " Harry usheres Oreo with the snap of his thumb as she tries to canoodle into the soles of his feet tickling him and she obliges his tone, "Good girl . ." His own voice tired petting her crown when she turns into a lil ball of fur beside Tori who's sleeping at her daddy's side, being ever hesitant and carefull with them making Harry smile at her thinking of giving her treats in dinner.

He almost slips from under the sheets when a shriek of cry jolts him awake and it's Tori crying loudly thrashing under the blanket while her brother kept on sleeping stretched over his mommy's chest, head tucked under her chin.

Ah! Here comes the real deal. Daddy Harry's about to face real challenges 'cause we all know he once promised that he's a big boy now, innit?

[sunmoonandeddie]

‘cause you are, you are

pairing: lumberjack!bucky barnes x reader

word count: 8,436

summary: Bucky’s found someone out on his front lawn during a snowstorm.  Well, Alpine found her.  If only he knew what he was getting into.

warnings: Bad words!  Violence!  Mention of kidnapping!  Mention of military violence/injury!  Mention of suicidal thoughts!

a/n:  So the song I listened to that kinda really inspired this is ‘Get You the Moon’ by Kina.  Also, this was commissioned by @buckysbunny​ and I really hope you love it, babe!

“Come on, Al,” Bucky said as he led his dog up the front steps of his cabin, carrying all the grocery bags inside.  He had a cigarette between his teeth, keeping it steady as he unlocked the door and let the gorgeous samoyed inside.  “Atta girl.”

The cabin was just as he left it three hours ago when he left to go grocery shopping.  As it should.

And Alpine was already standing at her bowl, wagging her tail.  She knew what time it was.

“You hungry, baby girl?” He asked with a grin as he grabbed the beef he’d been thawing in the sink and opened it up.  “Today’s a beef day.  We both know how much you love cows, yeah?”  He put a cup of beef in her bowl, powdering in her supplements.  “The best girl deserves the best food, yeah?” He asked as he cracked two eggs on top of it, before setting it on the ground.  Bucky couldn’t help but grin at the way that Alpine sat there in front of the bowl, waiting for the go ahead as her tail wagged aggressively.  “Eat.  Good girl.”

Kicking off his boots, he started up a fire in the fireplace.  The clouds were rolling in, the sun already setting.  He’d lived on the mountain long enough to know when the first real snow of the season was setting in.  They’d already had flurries, sure, but…  The first real snow was the first one that had everyone locked inside, unable to go anywhere for weeks.  He could smell it on the air.

Thankfully he was all stocked up on wood, so they’d be warm.  He’d already moved up Alpine’s dinner time so it would still be light outside when she needed to go outside to use the bathroom.  And they had more than enough food in the fridge and in the deep freeze to last them the entire winter, if they needed.  They’d be okay.

Honestly, his biggest worry was losing Alpine in the snow.  She was a big floof of white fur.  She always came when he called, but still.  It was the principle of it.

After she went to the bathroom, the two of them curled up on the couch while he ate and they watched whatever DVD he popped in.  He’d probably binge watch the box set of nature documentaries he’d gotten.

They were… relaxing.  After spending a few tours in Afghanistan, he needed relaxing.

It had been ten years, but… some things don’t fade with time.  Some things stick like gummy bears on a car seat in July.

It was past midnight when Alpine raised her head from his lap, a low whine in the back of her throat.  By then, he’d cracked open a beer and been fully ready to fall asleep there.

“Al?  Come on, baby girl, there’s nothing out there,” he said reassuringly.  It was snowing heavily, and he’d estimate there was already about seven inches deep with no sign of stopping.

But Alpine gets off the couch and runs for the door, barking sharply.

“What the hell has gotten into you?” He asked as he watched her.  “Alpine, come.”

For the first time in the four years since he’d gotten her, she didn’t listen.

Instead, she let out another bark as she clawed at the door.

“Al,” he groaned as he forced himself up.  He left the beer on the coffee table before heading to the door.  “There’s nothing out there.  Just snow.  You’re just gonna get cold and get the floors all wet.”

But, alas, he’s a slave to the desires of his puppy.

It’s kinda pathetic, really.  Not that he cared.

He opened up the door to let her out, frigid air blasting him.  The snow crept up onto the porch, and there was so much coming down it looked almost like a curtain.  “See, Al?  Nothing.”

But she ran out into the snow, nudging at what just looked like another pile of fluffy white snow.  She let out a whine, the only parts clearly visible of her being her dark nose and eyes.

And that’s when a head appeared, and his heart stopped.  What the fuck was a woman doing out in the middle of a snow storm?

Despite the fact that he wasn’t wearing shoes and he’d just changed into a fresh pair of sweats, he ran out to where Alpine was still trying to nudge her awake.  The snow was freezing his toes as he reached down and scooped up the girl, woman, whatever, and carried her inside.

“Come on,” he called out to the samoyed, who was following quickly after him, her tail tucked between her legs.  “You’re such a smart puppy,” he cooed as he laid the girl on the couch.  “You knew she was out there and made sure I got to her.  Good puppy.”

From the color of her lips, there was no doubt in his mind that hypothermia was starting to set in.  And from what she was wearing?  Come on.  She didn’t even have shoes on.  Just two pairs of socks.

Fuck.  He’d have to strip her down.  He needed to get her warm, and the clothes she wore weren’t doing anything to help her since they were thin and soaking wet. “You better not kill me when you wake up,” he grumbled as he pulled her clothes off of her, keeping his eyes averted.  She didn’t even have underwear or a bra on.

It wasn’t that he was some kind of creep.  He just felt awkward.  He didn’t know this woman and he wasn’t some kind of life saver.

Bucky was alarmed by the amount of bruises that covered her body, though it looked as though there was a purposeful lack of them on her face.  There were also what looked like fresh scrapes along her hips.

He wrapped her in every blanket he could find after grabbing fresh clothes from the laundry room and redressing her, cocooning her before shoving the couch closer to the fire so that it may warm her easier.  But she still seemed so cold.  He moved to the kitchen, taking a few hot water bottles from the first aid cabinet and warming them up before gently dabbing one at her face, the only part of her still exposed.

Bucky knew that the only thing he could do now was wait for her to wake up.  Pressing two fingers to her neck, he let out a sigh of relief when he felt her pulse.  “You’re not out of the woods yet,” he said as he grabbed his beer and took a swig.  It was going to be a long night.

Alpine was more than happy with the addition of a new person in their home, if not still a little worried.  She climbed up onto the couch and curled up against her, sniffing at her face and giving her a lick before lying her head down beside her.

“She’ll be okay, Al,” Bucky said quietly as he reached out to give her scritches right above her tail.  He wasn’t sure if he believed it, but…  Maybe Alpine would understand and calm down a little.

My first thought when I woke up was that I was warm.  Really warm.

I hadn’t been warm in such a long time.

My eyelids were so heavy, and I had no desire to open them just yet.

What would I find when I woke up?  If I was back in His possession, in his house, I…  I would need to resort to Plan B.

Technically, Plan B had been Plan A a few times, when things had gotten… especially hard.  But He had caught me before I could succeed.

The last thing I could remember was stumbling through the snow.  I’d managed to finally get out after planning it for months.  I waited until He’d gone out for his nightly trip to the bars before pulling on my two pairs of socks and slipping out through the broken basement window.

The broken glass that I had thought would cause me to freeze to death had become my salvation.

I had been going down the mountain, following the road.  But it had started to snow.  I’m not sure how long I had been walking when I could see the path anymore, or when I saw the light.

The first light I had seen in the stifling white.  It had been coming from a window, cutting through the storm like a beacon of hope.

The wave of relief I had felt at the cabin slowly taking shape in front of my very eyes had been euphoric.  I had started to think that if I was going to die, at least I wasn’t going to die in captivity.

But I hadn’t even made it to the porch steps.

Which brought me to where I am now.  Wrapped up in what I was pretty sure was several blankets.  But I could smell… dog?  He didn’t have a dog.  No pets allowed.

He also didn’t have a crackling fireplace, from what I remember of the few times I’d been allowed upstairs.

Yeah.  Definitely no fireplace.

I made sure to stay completely still as I felt two calloused fingertips press against the pulse point in my neck.

“Well, Al, her heart rate has increased…”

So it was definitely a man.

I’d gotten really good at pretending to be asleep over the years.  Like, really, really good.  It wasn’t often that He’d been able to tell that I was awake if I didn’t want him to know.

There was a whimper, and then a rough tongue licked across my face.  The dog.  Which was (hopefully) this ‘Al.’  I didn’t want to deal with more than one man.

The man sighed and walked away.  “You gonna keep watch over her, baby girl?  I gotta go get a shower.”

Did he think the dog was going to answer him?

As soon as I heard his footsteps going up a set of stairs, I took in a deep breath before slowly letting it out.  I needed to get out of there.  Immediately.

I just had to slip out without him hearing me or the dog making a scene.

I slowly opened my eyes, even though it still felt like I had washers glued to my lashes.

And there was the fireplace.  It was so nice and warm…  I hadn’t felt this toasty in years.  The basement was always so frigid, and with the lack of blankets provided to me, I was always at least a little cold.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to stay for a little while…

No.  I shook my head as I forced myself to sit up.  I couldn’t stay.  I had to get out and get down the mountain to civilization.

I gasped as I felt the rough tough on my cheek again, turning to see a huge white dog that looked more like a cloud than an animal.  “Shh…”  I had to work to get my arms out of the blankets to pet it, but it was then that I realized I was not in my original clothing underneath all the swaddling.  My heart sank to my stomach as I felt a wave of panic.

Had he touched me?  Was he no better than Him?

I got most of the blankets off and frowned as I looked down at sweatpants and the long sleeved shirt I was wearing.  They were far too big for me, but they’d have to do.

I kept my steps feather light as I looked around the space I had found myself in.  It was a living room, and rather cozy.  Rustic looking.  I could see the kitchen to my left, and a silent debate with myself started over whether or not I’d have time to grab food for myself before running.  From the way my stomach growled, I knew that I’d have to.

I hadn’t eaten since yesterday, since today was not my scheduled day to eat.

The cloud dog followed me to the fridge, its tail wagging as I grabbed what I could reasonably carry.  It took everything within me to not stop and play with her.  I hadn’t seen a dog in so long, especially not one so sweet.  Its tail kept wagging even as it watched me stealing food.

I was reaching for the jar of pickles when I heard the cocking of a gun, and I turned around to see a large, burly man pointing a handgun at me.  The food in my hands dropped to the ground as I threw my hands up, my heart racing.  The jar of pickles shattered, the glass flying all over the floor.  “I-I’m sorry!  I’m sorry!” I gushed, feeling sweaty under the pressure of the barrel being pointed at me.  “I don’t know where I am.  I j-just woke up and I’m s-so hungry.”

Bucky’s heart pounded as he got out of the shower, hearing a commotion downstairs.

His instincts took over, and he didn’t have time to even think things through before pulling on a pair of briefs and grabbing his handgun from his bedside table before slipping down the stairs.

He had the gun in both hands as he peeked around the corner, seeing a girl digging through his fridge.  It was the cocking of the gun that alerted her to his presence, and she whirled around.

She was pretty, he could acknowledge that much.

It was when she was rambling that suddenly he remembered.  The girl in the snow.  But he’d been certain that she wouldn’t wake up for at least a few more hours.

His startling blue eyes stayed locked on her as he flipped the safety back on.  But he still kept it raised.  “Who are you?” He demanded, his voice gruff, deep.

She gave her name, and he frowned.  Just a first name?  No last?

“Where did you come from?”

“U-Up the mountain,” she said quietly, a few tears rolling down her pretty cheeks.  “Please, I…  I mean no h-harm.  Please.  I’ll go.  I swear.”

He shook his head, slowly lowering the gun.  It wasn’t like she was much of a threat.  She clearly had no idea what she was doing.  “Don’t be stupid.  You already almost froze to death once out in the storm.  Leaving would just mean that you wasted my efforts to save your life.”

“Thank you,” she said stiffly, still not moving from where she was.  It sounded more like a question than a statement.

She was skinny.  Scary skinny.  Of course, he’d seen that when he’d undressed her, but it was even more alarming seeing her in his clothes, seeing how they draped from her frail, bird-like shoulders.

He nodded to the mess around her.  “Stay still.  I don’t want you cutting your feet on the glass.”  Luckily she had the sense to listen as he swept up the glass and pickles, picking up everything around her before mopping.

He didn’t like being close to her, and she clearly didn’t like being close to him either.  Good.  It meant they would be less likely to step on each other’s toes.

Bucky was already very aware that she was going to have to stay until the snow let up enough for her to leave.

“I’m assuming you’re hungry?” He said as he put the mop away.  “You can have food.  I’m not going to starve you after rescuing you.”

She nodded, her stomach grumbling.  “Yes.  Hungry…”

Pointing to the fridge, he leaned back against the kitchen island.  “You can get whatever you want.”  He watched curiously as she reached into the door and grabbed the container of cottage cheese.  “Did you want some warm food?”

“This is fine.”

“You sure?”

“Mhm.”

She was weird.  But he couldn’t really judge considering the fact that he had no idea who she was or where she had come from.

Maybe she was a Russian spy or something.

No, that’s stupid, he reminded himself.  Your military days are over.  No one is looking for you anymore.

He showed her to one of the guest rooms once she finished eating the entire container of cottage cheese, eyeing her in case she vomited.  He had no idea how the hell she did that.  He liked cottage cheese as much as the next person, but still.

“Um…  There’s a shower through there.  And I can… get you some more clothes and stuff,” he said softly.  He stayed far away, out of her reach, and he noticed her doing the same.

She nodded, chewing on her lower lip as she looked around.  “Okay.  Thank you.”

“I’ll let you… get to it then,” he said awkwardly.  A frown settled across his face as he watched Alpine jump up onto the bed as the girl looked into the bathroom.  “Traitor.”

“Can you show me how the shower works?” She asked, poking her head back out.  “And…  What are the… shower rules here?”

A wave of confusion spread over him.  Shower rules?  “Uh…  Just… let me know if you’re gonna shower soon so I know not to use all the hot water?”

“That’s it?”

“Uh… yeah.”

“Oh.  Okay.”  She glanced over at Alpine, who was lying on her bed.  “Are you…  Are you showering soon?”

Bucky’s head tilted to the side, his brows furrowed.  His dark hair was still wet, and he was still in his briefs.

The girl nodded, letting out a weak laugh as her face flushed.  “Right.  Sorry.”  She pointed to the bathroom.  “The… shower?”

“Right!”  He slipped past her into the bathroom, making sure he didn’t touch her, before showing her how to work the knob and change the temperature.  “There we go…  Uh…  Have a good shower.  And I’m James… by the way…”  He let out a huff of air as he stood there with his hands on his hips.  “Right, um…”  He felt a bit awkward as he left quickly then.

I waited until after James had left to lock the bedroom door, swallowing as I shoved the desk chair under the handle.

There was a low whine, and I turned to see the cloud dog still on the bed.  I had thought it had left with him.  “Hi.  I thought you left.”  I reached out and scratched behind its ear, the fur soft under my fingers.

After taking a few minutes to just pet the puppy, I headed to the bathroom where the shower was still running, the mirror fogged up.

It had been so long since I’d had a hot shower.

After locking the bathroom door, I stripped off the clothes I’d been given and folded them nicely, laying them on the counter.  I could see the scrapes along my hips and cursed, wiping off the mirror so I could attempt to see them better.  I was covered in bruises, and the scrapes were clearly fresh.

But I had no idea what James thought of them or where he thought I got them.  Fuck.

I’d have to come up with some kind of excuse unless I was ready to tell him just where I’d come from.

Which just felt like it’d be so much work.  I wasn’t ready for that yet.

I didn’t come out of my room for the rest of the night.  It was the first time I’d ever been truly alone in years.

Even when He was gone, I was never truly alone.  Not when cameras captured every square inch of the basement.

When I crawled into bed, the cloud dog curled up against me and rested its head on my back.

I slept better than I had in years.  Even if I did end up vomiting up the cottage cheese.

Bucky was still confused by the girl three weeks later.  The snow hadn’t let up, which he was kinda upset about because she’d eaten one of the two containers of cottage cheese her first night.

He liked his cottage cheese.  And she ate it.

Which, okay.  He had been able to tell she was hungry and she clearly needed the food more than he did, but still.  She couldn’t have chosen something else?

Now they were having to ration the cottage cheese.  They had about half a cup left and they were both waiting for the other one to finish it off.

He was about ready to just tell her to take it.

He also didn’t understand how she’d stolen his dog from him.  Alpine had transferred her love and loyalty over to the strange girl within thirty seconds of meeting her, and it appeared that there would be no changing that anytime soon.  The dog was always at her side and wouldn’t even go outside to use the bathroom unless she sat on the porch, bundled in one of Bucky’s coats and wrapped in a blanket, and watched her.  Al didn’t even sleep with Bucky anymore.  She slept with the girl, her head on her back as if she was ensuring that she was still breathing.

On one hand, it was absolutely precious.

On the other, Bucky had lost his cuddle buddy.

But they gave each other a wide berth.  They never touched, which he was grateful for.  He didn’t… like touch.  And he got the implication that she didn’t either.

“You know, you living here kinda reminds me of the 2020 pandemic,” he said nonchalantly as they sat in the living room watching tv.  He was on the recliner, and she was curled up on the couch with Alpine in her lap.

Her head tilted to the side as she tore her attention from the movie playing on the tv.  “The what?”

Bucky blinked.  And then he blinked again.  “The…  The 2020 pandemic?  The pandemic three years ago?” He said slowly, his brows furrowed.  “Covid-19?  Everyone had to wear masks?  America was literally a cesspool of selfish assholes who were so stupid they believed Trump?”

“Trump…  Isn’t he that celebrity show host?  He was on Home Alone?  The Lost in New York one?” She asked.

He was going crazy.  He was sure of it.

“What?” She asked, sitting up a little straighter as she crossed her legs applesauce style, causing Alpine to whine before settling back down in her lap.  “Did I say something wrong?”

Bucky leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.  “Donald Trump became president in the 2016 election.  Then Biden won in 2020.”

Her eyes were wide, her cheeks flushed.  “Oh.”

“How did you not know?” He asked.

She shrugged, wrapping her arms around Alpine.  “I… haven’t watched the news… in a while…”

The man could understand that, but the whole ‘not watched the news’ in a bit really only worked when it came to things like… like a celebrity doing something stupid or a law being passed.  Two whole presidential elections?  That was…  That was Amish levels of ignorance.  Even if she didn’t watch tv, there were billboards and signs and merchandise like those stupid Make America Great Again hats.

As if America had ever been great.  And he had a double right to say that, since he’d been a stupid eighteen year old kid that the military had preyed on, getting him to join up and head overseas when America had no reason to be there.

He’d lost his arm because of it.

“How long has it been since you watched the news?” He questioned, his heart racing.  He had a bad feeling about it.  A really, really bad feeling that settled in his gut.

She buried her face in Alpine’s fur, her shoulders rising and falling as she huffed.

She’d put on some weight since getting there, thankfully.  He’d been making sure she got all her protein and started her on vitamins supplements he had.

“Eleven years…”

He paused, blinking slowly.  “Eleven years?  What the hell do you mean ‘eleven years?’”  He took a moment when he saw the way she flinched away from him.  He’d figured out pretty quick that she couldn’t handle any raising of the voice.  She’d shut down.  “I’m sorry.  I’m sorry.  But…  I still don’t know anything about you except your name.  Not even your last name.  I don’t know where you came from.  I still don’t know how the hell you ended up in my front lawn, half frozen to death.  I…”  He sighed.  “What happened?”

She was quiet for so long that he was sure she wasn’t going to reply.  He started to get ready to stand up, letting out a huff.

“I was thirteen,” I said quietly, my voice barely audible.  Alpine’s fur was so soft in my fingers and against my cheek.  It kept me grounded, kept me tied down to the Earth so I didn’t float away in the cloudy memories that covered the sky in my head.

Bucky was watching me closely, clearly surprised that I’d actually spoken.

My throat felt so dry.  “Um…  It was a few months after my birthday…  And I had just gotten a new phone.  It was… It was one of those sliding phones with a full keyboard?  It had a touch screen, and it was cherry red.”  I couldn’t help but let out a weak laugh as I remembered that stupid phone.  I’d been utterly obsessed with it, like any thirteen year old would be.  “I was in eighth grade and even though most people I went to school with already had an iPhone, that phone was the coolest thing ever.”

He was watching me in a way that was so intense, so focused.  I hadn’t ever had someone look at me like that.  Like he was actually listening.

“And, uh…  I used to walk to the river in the woods by my house,” I said, my voice growing soft again.  “I would go and sit and read on nice days…  I didn’t really have… friends.  I was a bit of a loner, and new.  We’d just moved there that April.”  My heart ached.  I missed that river.  I missed my parents.  More than anything.  “There was a man that I’d see sometimes at the river fishing…”

Bucky’s breath audibly hitched, and I could see his hands gripping his knees tightly.

“I was lonely,” I said, my voice cracking as I clutched onto Alpine that much tighter.  The puppy let out a whine as my eyes water.  “I didn’t have any friends yet.  I was an o-only child…  So, yeah, I’d talk t-to him.  I didn’t think it was wrong.  I f-figured if he was going to do something, he would’ve done it the f-first eighty times I s-saw him.”

“He took you, didn’t he?” He asked quietly, his voice gravelly.

Avoiding his eyes, I gave a short nod.  “Yeah.”

He stood up, his jaw set as he reached for his phone.  “We have to call the police.  If you were being held in a house on this mountain, then that means whoever took you lives close enough for you to have gotten here in a snowstorm.”

“NO!” I said as I scrambled up.  Alpine flopped to the side with a bark as she watched me scramble to knock his cell phone out of his hand.  “No cops!” I breathed out, eyes feral.

“Okay,” he said quietly, his voice soothing as he held up his hands in surrender.  “Okay.  No cops.  I won’t call the cops…”

I could see the confusion on his face, but a wave of relief washed over me as he agreed to not call the cops without asking too many questions.  I’d already shared so much.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” He asked, casually switching the subject as he sat back down.  He didn’t even grab his phone.

“Yeah.  Yeah, that sounds good,” I said as I took my seat again, swallowing thickly.  “Can we watch that one you were telling me about?” I asked as Alpine licked my face before settling in my lap once again.  “The…  The one about the Day of the Dead?”

An easy smile spread across his lips.  “Coco?  Yeah.  We can watch whatever you want.”

There was a shift in the air after she told Bucky about where she’d come from.  They still kept a generally wide berth, but… they were closer.  He was definitely in no hurry for her to leave.  Not when he could keep her safe in his cabin.

He felt a wave of protectiveness every time he thought of her.  He had someone to take care of now.  Other than Alpine and Steve when they were kids, he’d never had that.  Even Rebecca had been so independent growing up.

He liked having someone to protect, to take care of.  He liked checking in on her when he woke up in the morning and when he went to bed.

Which he’d started doing once she’d stopped locking her door at night.

Bucky liked preparing her breakfast and coffee for her in the morning, slowly helping her increase her food intake without hurting her tummy.  He liked checking in on her and making her laugh with his stupid jokes.

He liked… her.  She was easily the prettiest gal he’d seen, even if it was unassuming at first.

But he wasn’t a creep like the man who took her, whoever he was.  He wasn’t going to pressure her into being with him just because he was providing her shelter and food.

He wouldn’t use her like that.

And besides, it wasn’t as though she would want him.  She had just turned twenty-four that year, and he was forty-one.  There was a good seventeen year age gap, and it felt even wider once he’d realized that her education had effectively stopped at thirteen years old.

Of course, he’d started to remedy that.  He’d found some kind of online learning platform that he’d remembered from the pandemic.  Parents had started the free service in order to make sure that kids were still getting their education as schools shut down and they were pushed into Zoom classes in the autumn of 2020, after America failed and sent them back to school.

She was a lot smarter than she realized, and he made sure to tell her as often as possible.

They had a camaraderie that he hadn’t ever expected to find after he’d pushed Steve away.

Steve had been lucky.  He’d been good enough at drawing that he’d gotten a full ride to art school.  He didn’t have to enlist in order to have a future.

It wasn’t that Bucky was bitter about that.  Steve deserved it.  And now Bucky’s job was taking pictures of the mountains he lived on, and he got paid so much that he really only had to work a few months a year.

“You always talk about Steve,” she said softly one night as they ate dinner in the living room, as per their routine.  “Do you still talk to him?”

“Uh…  No,” he said quietly.  “Lately I’ve been thinking about reaching out, though…  I miss him.”

Her head tilted to the side as she looked at him, her spoon halfway to her mouth.  He’d made chicken tortilla soup, since that had apparently become her favorite.  “What happened?  If you don’t mind me asking…”

Bucky smiled weakly down at his own half empty bowl.  “Well…”  His spoon clinked against the side.  “It was hard after I came home… from overseas…  I’d lost my arm…  I wasn’t the same guy I was…”  He took a deep breath.  “I was angry… at everything… and I took it out on him, even when it wasn’t his fault…  And then one day I just packed up and left.  Found my way here.  I bought this place with the money I had and fixed it up…  It was a real dump.  Basically foreclosed.  But I spent an entire summer fixing it.  Had to get it done before the first snow.  And it also got me to figure out how to use my prosthetic.  It’s some… fancy experimental thing.”

There was a flicker of the lights, and then nothing.  It went completely dark.  The heater stopped, the clock on the top of the stove went off.

“Bucky?” She whimpered, the fear evident in her voice.

“Hey, it’s okay.  It’s okay.  I’m here,” he said as he used his phone flashlight to illuminate the situation a little bit.  “I’m gonna find some flashlights, okay?  You stay right there with Alpine.”

She nodded, setting her bowl to the side and wrapping her arms around the puppy.  “Okay…  H-Hurry back.”

Oh, he definitely would.  He didn’t wanna leave his bear cub alone for too long.

He found two flashlights in the basement before coming back.  “Okay, let’s get all the blankets and stuff together,” he said as he handed her one of them.  “It’s gonna get cold real quick without the heating working.”  There was no way he was gonna be able to get out to look at the generator with how heavy the snow was falling.

They piled all the blankets up on his bed before she crawled under the mountain of them, Alpine curling up next to her like always.

She watched as Bucky sat on the edge of the bed, watching the slow rise and fall of his back.  She could practically see the steam coming from his ears from how much he was overthinking.  “You can take your arm off, you know,” she said quietly, sitting up on her elbows.  “I’m…  I’m not gonna think it’s weird.”

Bucky let out a weak laugh.  “You sure, bear cub?” He asked, his voice wavering.  “I don’t want to freak you out…”

“Something that’s a part of you could never be bad,” she said quietly.

His heart stuttered inside his chest.  He didn’t know what to say in reply.  He’d never had someone say something like that.  His hand was shaking as he reached up and undid his prosthetic.  It was a whole thing he went through every night and every morning, since it was attached to his nerves.  He hissed as it finally came off, setting it in the open case on the ground as he rolled his shoulders a few times to get the tension out.

“See?” She said as she watched him, her eyes running over his back muscles and the scars that covered his shoulder.  “There’s nothing bad about you.”

Bucky slowly crawled under the blankets, staying on the other side of the bed.  He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.

“You gonna stay over there all night?’

He blinked, and then he blinked again, his eyes staring up at the ceiling.  “I…  What?”

She was still sitting up on her elbows, her lower lip caught between her teeth.  Her eyes were flickering between the blankets and him.  “You don’t have to stay over there…  I’m not… gonna break if we cuddle, you know…”

Bucky’s heart stopped inside his chest as his mind went blank.  He suddenly wasn’t thinking anymore about how he might hurt her.  She wanted him.  Or at least… wanted him to cuddle with her.

Which he was more than happy to comply.

I scooted over a little closer to Bucky when I realized he was frozen staring at me.  He seemed to be in shock over the fact that I wanted to cuddle.

“Jamie?” I said softly, my fingers grabbing onto his arm and tugging him closer.  “Please?”

I watched as he swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he nodded.

“I mean…  You don’t have to,” I added quickly, feeling a flash of anxiety.  What if I had imagined everything?  The flirting?  The calling me bear cub?  “Not if…  Not if you don’t want to.”

Maybe my emotional growth was just as stunted as my educational growth.

But then moved closer to the center of the bed, his strong arm wrapping around my waist and pulling me close.  So close that I was lying on top of his chest.  He was so nice and warm.

And so strong.  He wasn’t like one of those guys in Hollywood or the bodybuilders that were all dehydrated in order to look like they had a twenty pack of abs or something.  He was the real kind of strong.

It was sexy as hell.

And it had been so long since I’d had a gentle touch…  Or had someone hold me just for the sake of holding me.

I hadn’t realized just how badly I needed it until Bucky was holding me close, his lips pressing to my forehead.

“James?  If you don’t mind me asking…  How did you lose your arm?”

I could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he took in my question.

“You don’t have to tell me.”

“No, I…  I want to,” he insisted as he brought me that much closer.  His chin rested on top of my head.  “I was on break…  And these little local kids loved playing hopscotch with us.  We’d draw out the hopscotch on the ground and we would use a little rock and all that…  Then one day, there was a truck out by the road.  One of ours.  We didn’t think anything of it even though it wasn’t where it was supposed to be.  We figured that out later.”  He pressed his lips to my head.  He was trembling, even if he was trying to hide it.  “We were searching for a good rock to use… and when I got close to grab a rock under the wheel… someone set off a bomb.  Blew my arm clean off.  It was all in… all in slow motion.”  Bucky sighed, shaking his head.  “I’d rather it be me then one of those little kids though.”

I sighed, squeezing him tight.  “You’re a good man, James.”  He clearly didn’t wanna think about it anymore, so I quickly changed the subject.  “Have you ever had someone braid your hair?” I asked as I reached up, running my fingers through his long hair.

“Can’t say I have,” he said, a chuckle reverberating through his chest.  “Why?  You wanna braid my hair for me, bear cub?”

I hummed, twirling a strand of his hair around my fingers.  “Mm…  I think it’d look real pretty braided…”

“Pretty?  You calling me pretty?” He snorted.

“Mmhm.”

“Why’s that?”

“‘Cause you’re pretty.”

By the blush on his cheeks, I could tell that he hadn’t ever been called pretty again.

And I knew I’d have to start calling him pretty a lot more.

Bucky had a shy smile on his face as he squeezed me closer to him, burying his face in my hair.  “You’re prettier, bear cub.”  He kissed my forehead again, humming.  “Get some sleep.  I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

It was another two months before there was a break in the snow long enough for them to be able to head to town for more groceries.  Plus, they needed to stop and get her some clothing that actually fit her.

Not that Bucky didn’t mind her wearing his clothes.  He liked it a lot, actually.  His little bear cub in his sweaters and such.

But she did want some pants that fit her proper and some underwear, at least.

And she was excited, but clearly anxious.  “Come on, Alpine,” she said happily as they ran out to the truck, Bucky following quickly behind.

“You’re adorable,” he said softly as he climbed in the driver’s seat.

“Shut it,” she said, covering her face in Alpine’s white fur.

He was falling for her.  Hard.  Even after the electric came back on, they hadn’t stopped staying in the same bed.  It just felt natural.  They hadn’t done anything more than cuddle, but he wasn’t exactly in a rush.  Bucky was very happily letting her take the reins when it came to how quick they moved.

But he did wanna talk to her about being together officially at some point.

The one thing he was really worried about was the fact that she still wouldn’t let him call the police.

He just wanted to find the man who had hurt her and wring his neck with his bare hands.

Or at least have him thrown in jail.  At the very least.

The first thing they did was get her some clothes and shoes so she could change into them, even though he was pleased to note that she did keep on his sweater.

She looked really, really good in green.

Like, really good.

“We need at least two containers of cottage cheese,” she said as she grabbed them, grinning.

“Oh, yeah?” He asked, coming up to her and wrapping his arms around her waist.  He couldn’t help it.  He loved touching her.  Preferred to have at least one hand on her at all times.  “Better make that three containers, bear cub.  From what I remember, someone ate an entire container in one sitting and then promptly threw all of it up.”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.”  Her cheeks flushed as she nuzzled into him.  “And I only have two hands, James.”

A slow smirk spread over his lips as he looked at her pretty face.  He loved getting her all flustered.  “I didn’t say you had to grab it all at once.”  As if to make a point, he reached over and grabbed a third container, moving to set it in the cart.

It was when he had turned his head away for less than thirty seconds that he heard the sound of plastic hitting the ground, and saw cottage cheese splattered across the marble tiles.

“Bear cub?” He said in confusion as he looked around.  But she’d disappeared.  His brows furrowed as his eyes met Brock Rumlow’s, who was glowering at him for some fucking reason.  His eyes flickered down to his outfit, his heart stopping inside his chest when he saw the badge.

Brock Rumlow was a police officer.

His bear cub hated cops and refused to let him call the cops.

She’d disappeared when she saw him.

Fuck.

He didn’t like the thoughts that were running in his head.

Bucky had to find her before Brock did.

He didn’t even attempt to act nonchalant as he ran through the store, leaving the cart there.  His heart was absolutely racing.

Alpine wasn’t sitting outside the front door where they’d left her.

He rushed to the parking lot, breathing out a sigh of relief when he found her and Alpine in the truck, huddled down on the floor.  “Oh, thank fuck,” he breathed out as he got in the driver’s seat.  He didn’t even buckle before he was peeling out of the parking lot.  “He’s not gonna touch you, baby.  I promise.”

She looked up at him with glassy eyes, tears staining down her soft cheeks.  “H-He…  He’s the one who…”

“I know,” he said quietly as he reached over to take her hand, intertwining their fingers and squeezing.  He was flying up the mountain as fast as he could without spinning out, heading for the cabin.  “I know that it’s him.  But he’s not going to touch you, okay?  I’m not gonna let him.  I’m gonna protect you.”  He handed her his phone out of his pocket.  “Bear cub, can you go to my contacts and call Sam?  Tell him we need him as soon as possible.”

She nodded, her hands trembling as she found the name and called.  “H-Hello?  This is Bucky’s friend and w-we need someone at Bucky’s immediately.  Please.”

When they got back to the cabin, he rushed her inside.  “Go upstairs to our bedroom, lock the door, and then go to the bathroom and lock the door,” he said.  “Take the handgun in my bedside table with you.”

“J-Jamie, I’m scared,” she whimpered, her hands shaking.

He rushed forward, his hands holding her face as he pulled her into a kiss.  “It’s all gonna be okay.  But don’t come out for anyone that isn’t me, alright?” He said softly, caressing her cheeks.  “Take Alpine with you.”

She nodded, and he let out a sigh of relief as she went.

He grabbed the gun he had hidden in the living room, quickly loading it.  He knew that Rumlow would be coming up after them, especially if he was the one who had kept his precious girl kidnapped for over a decade.

He had a lot to lose.

But so did Bucky.  He’d just gotten his girl, and he wasn’t losing her anytime soon.

Bucky Barnes would not be losing the one person that made him feel human again.

And if it came down to it, and he died protecting her, he’d be okay with that as long as she was safe.  He’d just have to bring down Brock with him.

He stiffened as he heard the car pull into the drive with a roar and then the slamming of the door.  He knew it wasn’t Sam.  It would take him longer than that to get up there considering when they’d called.

Brock didn’t even bother knocking.  He shot through the lock and threw the door open.

It was all a blur.  Bucky shot at him and managed to catch him in the thigh, but Brock just kept coming.  He was pretty sure he had a bulletproof vest on, too.

“So this is where the little brat’s been?” Brock snarled, glaring as he pointed the gun at him.  “I figured she’d died out in the snow.  Would’ve been better if she had.”

Bucky wasn’t going to dignify it with a response.  He knew Brock was just trying to rile him up to get him to fuck up.  And he couldn’t let that happen when his girl’s life was on the line.

What he did do was aim at Brock’s hand and get him to drop the gun before he rushed forward and pinned him to the ground to wait for Sam.  He shoved him to the ground, glaring at him harshly.  “You will never touch her again,” he hissed, emphasizing each word as his hand wrapped around his throat and squeezed threateningly.  “And I’d fucking kill you now, but you don’t deserve a quick death.”  He spit in his face.  “I want you to get put in prison for life, and I want to hear about how your ass is getting kicked everyday for kidnapping and raping a little girl, and holding her hostage for over a decade.  I’m gonna personally make sure you never see the light of day again.”

As soon as the door opened and Sam came in with two other officers, he lifted his hands in surrender, getting off him once he knew that Brock wouldn’t be able to get out.

Before anyone could stop to question him, he ran upstairs.  “BABY?” He called out as he knocked on the bedroom door.

It took less than thirty seconds for his girl to open the door and throw herself into his arms, Alpine barking excitedly behind her.

“Hey, Alpine,” he said with a laugh as he scooped her up, wrapping her legs around his waist as she buried her face in his neck.  “Did you protect your mama?  Yeah?”

She let out a weak laugh as she nuzzled in further.  “Are you okay?” She asked, her voice cracking as she pulled back to look at him, holding his face as she checked him for injuries.

“Bear cub, he didn’t even touch me,” he said softly, holding her close.  “He’s in cuffs now, being put in the back of a cop car to go to prison…”  He kissed her forehead.  “He can’t ever get near you again.  They’re gonna search his place and it’ll all be over.  You never have to go back there ever again.”

I jerked awake, letting out a broken scream.  Sweat dripped down my back, tears rolling down my cheeks.

Alpine let out a worried whine from where she laid on my feet, keeping them toasty.

“Hey…  Hey, I’m here,” Bucky whispered sleepily as he brought me into his chest with his one arm.  His prosthetic had been taken off earlier.  “I’ve got you, bear cub…  I’m right here…”

I crumbled into tears as I was pulled onto his lap, my nose brushing against his neck.  “J-Jamie…”

“Was it the dream again?”

I nodded, my hands grasping at him to hold him close.  “I wa-was back in that basement…  W-With Him.”

He had gotten to see the basement first hand.  The concrete walls.  The dirty mattress that rested on the ground without any sheets.  The bugs and the rats that I had shared that space with.  The broken window that Brock had covered with a trash bag.  The cameras.

He’d seen me through the whole trial.

It didn’t take long for Brock to be put on trial and found guilty.  Hell, the jury only deliberated for an hour before coming back and giving their verdict.

With all the evidence from his cabin and his own poor defense, I didn’t even have to testify, which was a relief.

The piece of shit actually thought he’d get off easy.  But he got fifty years, and considering he was already over forty, it wasn’t likely that he’d ever get to leave prison again.

There was a bit of… question about what would happen to me after.  Where I would go.

My parents came to see me at Bucky’s, and they started talking about me going home with them and how they still had my room all set up.

But I just couldn’t leave Bucky and Alpine.  Not after everything.

And as much as I knew that me being taken wasn’t their fault, I didn’t feel safe with them like I did with him.

I thought Bucky was going to cry when I said that I wanted to stay with him.  He’d rushed to reassure them that he was going to take care of me and he was already working on helping me get my GED.

They seemed to like him, which was good.

And yeah.  The nightmares still came back sometimes.  I would always be haunted, even with my therapists’ help.

“I’ve got you…  He’s never gonna touch you again.  You’re safe,” Bucky whispered as he kissed my cheek.  He pulled back, his hand cupping my face.  “I love you.  And I’ll never let anyone hurt you ever again.  And you know Alpine won’t.”

“I know,” I said softly as I rested my head against his chest as he laid us down again.  “I love you, too.���

No, the nightmares didn’t go away.  But that didn’t matter when I had Bucky.

[utterlyinevitable]

Hurricane (Part 8)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Rebecca Lao) Rating: T+ Warning: angst Summary: A hurricane is falling over Boston. Edenbrook has been evacuated and some very different doctor’s end up seeking shelter together.  

A/N: The ending is trash. But it’s my trash. We’ve got one more chapter to go and then that’s a wrap on this project! 

________________________________________

Naveen drove the car back to the cabin before parking it on the cobbled drive, the engine shutting off with a quick flick of his key. Still caught in an awkward silence as heavy as the rain clouds above, the trio padded back towards the cabin. Ethan watched Becca out of the corner of his eye, holding a few paces back with Naveen to let her approach the porch first. In the doorway, Sienna was waiting with two bath towels draped over her arms. A wave of relief washed over her petite form as she saw them; her big eyes softening and bottom lip quivering with all the emotions she saved for the worst of outcomes.

“Becca!” Sienna called as she closed the distance between her and Becca, wrapping her soaking wet friend in a hug around a large, plush towel. “Are you okay? What happened?” 

For someone who’s life nearly drifted away with the current earlier, Becca seemed strangely quiet and calm. She didn’t even look at Sienna; darkened eyes trained on her peripheral, towards the unrelenting waters. “I’m fine, Si. Just went for a little swim.”

Sienna looked at her with critical eyes, not believing a single word coming out of her friend’s mouth. She would have said something in any other circumstances, but she was too thankful that Becca was breathing at the minute. This conversation would have to wait. She turned her attention to the other rogue swimmer now coming up behind them, handing him the other towel still draped on her arm.    

“Ethan, are you okay?” she asked the attending, her trained doctor’s eyes scanning him for obvious injuries. 

He took the offered towel gratefully. “Please, there is no need to worry about me.” He wiped his face first then draped the burgundy fabric over his shoulders, shivering as the cold wind caught his wet clothes, “Where’s Jenner?” 

Sienna nodded towards the ajar door, her arms still wrapped securely around her best friend. “In with Elijah.” 

Ethan nodded and went inside to his dog, sparing one last glance towards a despondent Becca on his way. 

With a small, resigned sigh, Sienna turned her full attention back towards her friend and guided her to the door. “Come on, let's get you cleaned up.” 

Sienna led Becca inside and up to her room. Elijah didn’t notice the girls as he was in deep conversation with Ethan in the archway to the den. For that, Becca was thankful; they could just slip upstairs and rest.  

 As soon as the girls reached the threshold of the master suite, Sienna closed the door softly behind them and reached for her friend, her eyes severe now that they were blessed with the privacy they didn’t have earlier. “You okay?” She asked with a concerned hand gripping Becca’s forearm; her tone of voice emitting a firm warning that she would accept the truth and nothing else.

Becca shrugged Sienna off, taking a step back to shed her wet clothes and throwing on her pajamas. Biting her tongue this round, Sienna gathered up the strewn garments into a pile and wrung them out in the bathroom, making a mental note to wash them once the power came back on. Becca didn’t waste a single second before immediately crawling under the covers while Sienna watched with a very careful eye.  

Sensing the stare, Becca sighed heavily. “Si, I’m fine. Truly.” 

Her friend wasn’t convinced. “That’s what you say, but you were literally being ripped down stream, you could have died.” 

“But I didn’t.” 

Light pads of sock-clad feet walked to the bed with private determination and sat on the edge of the mattress, her eyes begging. “Talk to me, please.” - a hand reaching for the top of Becca’s thigh - “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

But Becca wasn’t waving, keeping her gaze on the darkwood bedpost in front of her to avoid Sienna’s concerned one. “That I really need to sleep. I’m exhausted.” 

“Bec-” 

There was a knock at the door, making both ladies tense in place. Sienna reluctantly moved to open it and was met with Dr. Banerji’s warm smile, his medical bag cradled against his hip. 

Ever in dire situations like this one, the senior doctor never seemed to run out of positive energy. He stepped in the room and glided closer to the bed, a comforting smile decorating his lips. “I’ve come to take your temperature and listen to your lungs,” he informed them. “And I’m not taking no for an answer.” 

Becca rolled her eyes, but didn’t argue. She swung her legs off the bed and sat on the edge, letting Naveen inspect her. Thankfully, she only had a few cuts on her hands that were in need of bandaging, most likely inflicted while she fought to hold herself against the current earlier 

“How are you feeling?” he asked as he applied ointment and bandages to her palms.  

“Tired.” 

“As expected,” he nodded. She wasn’t forthcoming, so he made sure to update her on what has been going on downstairs; “Ethan has a gash on his leg. Dr. Greene is stitching him up.” The gossiper in him carefully gauged her reaction while his more romantic side hoped to see something pass along her features, possibly akin to relief, but he was disappointed there was nothing but the tired eyes of a woman who’s been through hell that afternoon. 

She felt his critical gaze searching her. The third one silently scrutinizing the last hour; and it made her blood begin to boil.  

“I didn’t need rescuing. I know how to combat a riptide. What he did was stupid,” she clarified, indifferent to his comment.  

Naveen chuckled and offered her a kind smile, although one that hid a hint of seriousness in it. “We both know exactly why he did it, Becca.”  

Becca scoffed and shook her head, looking away. 

The older doctor sighed and put away his medical tools. He obviously wasn’t going to get anything out of her tonight, and he’d been around this kind of temperament long enough to know when to resign. It was almost comical just how similar she was to his protégé, especially when it came to their ironclad stubbornness. “You’ve been through a lot today, dear. I’m prescribing you some much-needed rest.” 

Becca rolled her eyes.

With a taut smile, Naveen gave her a gentle pat on the shoulder before taking his medical bag and leaving the room.

  While Naveen was with Becca, Sienna had excused herself to make some tea. The petite resident was now staring at the kettle, transfixed, but not actually watching the steam spill out into the shadows of night. The worry for her friend still ever present in her mind and the creases on her forehead. In a daze Sienna poured two two mugs full. 

She was just setting the kettle back down on the hob when a gruff sound had her jumping out of her trance and turning on the balls of her feet.  

“Let me,” Ethan said quietly. 

The two shared the same despondent look, though one of them had a deeper reason for it. 

Sienna’s eyes expertly roved over him. He’d changed into clean pajamas, his hair wild and partially dry from drying it in a towel. His weight being carried on one side of his body, no doubt from his injury. His eyes were dark, and there were prominent purple circles under his eyes. And his large hand was extended towards her, waiting with all the patience of a dying man. 

With a small smile, she hands the mug over without a single reservation. 

And Sienna watches intently as Ethan gingerly makes his way through the cabin and up to Becca. 

 *

In the few short minutes she was left alone Becca snuggled deeper into the blankets. Rolled onto her side so her back was to the door and her face buried in a pillow begging her to spill everything all over. 

Over her tormenting thoughts she recognized the patter of footsteps against the hardwood of the hallway and sniffled all the emotion back. If Sienna saw her crying it’d become a much bigger thing than Becca ever wanted it to be. She’ll save her tears for later. 

When the steps grew louder, crossing the threshold, Becca muttered, “You should just sleep here tonight instead of going up and down to check on me.” 

“Do you think that’s wise?”

Even in the minimal light of the candle on the dresser Ethan could see her stiffen. Could hear the discontented sigh that escaped her when his words met her ears. 

He stood suspended in the doorway, questioning every instinct he thought he knew.    

Becca shifted under the sheets, moving to sit up in bed. 

“Thought you were Sienna.” Her tone was still and level and wildly indifferent as she chanced a look at him.  

“Sorry to disappoint,” he muttered back. Crossing the distance Ethan held out a mug to her; “Are you okay?” 

She took the offering, a forced smile on her lips. “Peachy.” 

“Becca…”

“I’m fine, Ethan.” She groans, deflating. “What do you want me to say?” 

“You can start with why you’ve been upset with me all day.” 

Becca couldn’t help the absolutely indecent chortle that erupted from her. 

“I’m not upset with you. I’m mad at myself.” 

Ethan made a garble akin to Huh?

And that just fueled the fire that’s begun to rage within her the last day and rivals the treacherous storm this hurricane caused. 

“Why did you come after me?” She all but spat the accusation. “It was so reckless and stupid. You could have been hurt. You have stitches for Christ’s sake!” 

“You could have drowned. I wasn’t going to let that happen.” 

The audacity in his unbridled poise had her stirring under the sheets and gripping the mug tighter. 

“Superman Complex already belongs to someone else. Why, Ethan.” 

It was a standoff between them. Him in his dry clothes - white tee and gray sweatpants, standing at the side of her bed. Becca was shielded by the blankets but still sitting tall and commanding for someone of her stature. He couldn’t read her ever-telling body language in the dim light of the master bedroom. All he could make out was her silhouette, rigid and doing all she could to cloak herself behind an unsuccessful curtain of hair.  

Holding onto the sliver of revelation he had earlier, Ethan spoke truthfully. 

“Because I care about you. You have such a fulfilling life ahead an-” 

It certainly didn’t have the intended impact. For she cut him off with a resoundingly offended; 

“Can you stop.” 

His darkened azure eyes were wide with panic. “What -” 

“I’m sick of these mind games.”

Her tone was flat, and that scared Ethan Ramsey more than anything. It would be better if she was yelling. He found himself wishing she was yelling even if he had no inkling as to what this argument is actually about.  

“I know you care about me, Ethan. But is that all this is?” 

She finally looked him in his eyes. The darkness of the room complimented the depths of her darkened irises, and he couldn’t see a single emotion in them. All he could see was all of his failures. 

“I - I’m in too deep with you. I may have almost drowned this afternoon, but it was nothing compared to this choking feeling of swimming in all this doubt and uncertainty.” 

He moved towards her. Placing his mug on the bedside. This close he could just begin to make out the hurt in the creases of her frown. 

“Becca,” he reached for her. His hand suspended in midair, waiting for her permission to cup her cheek. 

Instead, she looked down at her fingers tracing the Edenbrook logo on the pristine white ceramic mug between her palms. 

Ethan waited. 

And waited. 

Frozen in place until she said something, anything. 

“Be honest with me,” the words came out on an exhale. “No one else is around. Just me.” Her voice so frail as she turned her whole form towards him. “Tell me.”

The outstretched fingers on his hand curled inwards. His fist raised -- once, twice punching against an invisible opponent as his inner self weighed all his options.

He could tell her - he could finally be truly honest. 

He could do what’s right. 

He could lay everything out there and let her take the reins. 

More realistically, he could continue to hold onto the values he’d had all his life. 

The longer the silence hung between them, and the pattering of the storm echoed throughout the bedroom walls, the more a reality without her became apparent.

Rebecca Lao is a strong woman - he knows this. And Ethan is ever so aware that she won’t wait for him forever. If her stint today told him anything it’d be that it is he who couldn’t survive a life without her. 

Every millisecond that passed, every slight turn of her head and stroke of her finger against the mug, he knew he was losing her. And for once, Ethan Ramsey - renowned doctor, known for his belligerent voice and affluent vocabulary - couldn’t find the words.  

Just as she let out a disquieting breath, he took the leap. Knees pressed flush against the side of the mattress. Long, deft fingers grazing the quilt at the side of her hip. His eyes never leave her. Becca was looking down as if all hope was lost. As if his silence spoke for him.  

It didn’t - 

“I want to be with you.” 

Becca felt like the air had been stolen from her lungs. How long had she been waiting to hear them? How long has she been hoping Ethan Ramsey would commit to only her with a promise of forever? Far longer than she’d care to admit, that’s for sure. 

Ethan watched her lips part, her jaw slacken. Every pretty feature he adored more than life itself stunned stiff. 

In true fashion Becca schooled her features as soon as his words rang through the mahogany room. Bitter words formed on her tongue, accompanied by a desolate huff, 

“You sure about that?” 

Not a single hesitation as Ethan responded, “Yes.”  

“You sure have some fucked up way of showing it.” She watched him from the corner of her eye, shifting in his place and a rueful tug at the corners of his mouth. 

Ethan kneeled down beside the bed, coming to her level, “I know.” 

This is never how Becca imagined getting Ethan Ramsey down on his knees. All those fantasies didn’t join a near death experience or a fight. 

His palms spread out on the quilt. All of him itching to touch her. If he could touch her, everything would be okay. 

A beat forced itself between them. Ethan staring at his fingers inching towards her above the horrid colored quilt, and Becca looking blankly at the top of his head. 

And then she murmured;  

“I can’t be with you if you’re going to treat me like shit all the time.” 

“It was never my intention. I just want what’s bes-” 

“Best for me, I know. But you don’t get to dictate that. It’s my life, I’m a big girl. I can make my own decisions.” 

He was listening. He was guilty and listening. 

“I want you, Ethan.” 

Those words were like music to his ears - to know she really, truly shared the sentiment. His deep blue gaze flickered up to her; staring at her from under long lashes and hanging on to her every word. This was everything they’ve both wanted - a proper admission of devotion. Then why did she look so sad?  

“But not if you’re going to keep pulling away from me.”  

Ah. There it was. All his faults coming back - his one mistake at abandoning her after she needed him most digging deep.  

“I’m sorry. All of this was to protect you. I’ll always, always protect you.” 

Becca’s heart skipped a beat at the unbridled conviction in his tone against her better judgment.  

“I don’t need a hero, Ethan.” Becca shook her head in kind admonishment. “I want a partner. Someone who will let me make mistakes and just hold me through it at the end of the day.” 

A bolt of lightning cracked in the distance. Their stare on one another so strong, devoted, that she couldn’t see through the clear blue of his irises and deep into his soul the moment the fleeting lightness peered in. 

“Okay,” was all he said.  

He responded quickly and with such fortitude that she couldn’t help but be skeptical. 

Becca rose a brow. 

Ethan moved closer and grabbed her hand, adding a squeeze. 

In a low voice she said, “I want to make the most of the time we have left. If I get a job elsewhere… I don’t want to regret anything.” 

His brows pulled together as this little known fact wormed its way into his rationality. “You’re thinking of leaving Edenbrook?” He held onto her hand just a bit tighter. 

“I don’t know,” she half shrugged. “If…”

He finished the question for her. “Of course you’ll have a job. The spot on my team is yours.” 

“Yeah, I know. But if…” Becca didn’t know how to accurately explain her fears. If they didn’t work out after all this would she still be able to work with him? Would he be able to? What if she received an amazing offer elsewhere. What happens to them if she takes it? 

“Can we not think about this right now.” 

Taking both her cold hands in his, Ethan simply nodded. 

He could feel the scary stirring in the pit of his stomach. Every pang of it subsiding the longer her warmth was within reach. The last of his fears overtaken by the most adorable sound as she stifled a yawn.  

Ethan let go of her hand just long enough to brush some strands back from her face. Un-showered and salty from the day’s events her cheek was still soft under his touch. He leaned up to press the lightest of pecks to her forehead. 

Ethan was less than a few centimeters away from where she wanted him most. One movement and it could all be right and well. Becca brushed her nose against the stubble of his chin, coaxing him downwards. She could feel his grin against her skin as his stubble marked her nose. Every second he didn’t succumb, the tip grew redder and redder. 

Ethan pulled back - too far for a quick descend down to her lips - and Becca almost threw a tempered fist into the mattress. Almost. 

He was looking at her with such reverence it made her whole entire body tingle. Like his stares were the hand of Da Vinci trying to capture her image - immortalize it for the rest of time. Trying desperately to paint this to memory - this moment where everything for them seemed to change for the better. This was the moment Ethan Ramsey knew. 

Becca was mere inches away. One more movement and she would know - know that he is irrevocably her. One more movement and he’d seal their fate. 

Her eyes flickered down to his chapped lips, and this time she didn’t look away. This time there was no enchanting classic playing on the television, just the person before them. This time Ethan was thankful for her focus. He let out the breath he was holding in. Watched her eyelids flutter as the warm gust met her lashes. Leaned in and listened. Listened to the erratic thumping. Thumping of his heart or hers or the hurricane, he didn’t know. 

Didn’t care. Couldn’t give a damn about anything other than her. 

Their lips met. Softly, tenderly. The shortest, most endearing kiss they’ve ever had. Neither wanting to ruin this with overzealous lust.  

They pulled back, unencumbered smiles gracing their features; and then she yawned again. 

Light with strange happiness, Ethan gently pressed her back into pillows. Pulled the covers around her to tuck her in. 

He kissed her chastely once more. Then pulled away. 

Every step he took from her side of the bed had her chiding herself for being so stupid for believing him this time. She wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. 

Ethan moved through the darkness. The raging winds of reality jolted through them, pounding on the expansive windows. Getting louder and more unruly the further he got. 

But then he did something so unexpected. So surprisingly unlike the man she thought she knew. 

He pulled back the covers of the other side of the bed and slipped in. Ethan shifted closer and closer atop the king sized bed until his arm wrapped around her waist, the other snaking under her neck. Becca welcomed him without a single hesitation or ill thought. This is exactly what she hoped for yesterday. 

Ethan had that smile - that one smile reserved only for her - as he dove into the covers with her, never intending to come back up. Their sweet embrace was all the sustenance he needed to survive. In this moment - and all of them to come, he’s sure - he and Becca were the only two people in the universe.

The storm outside was moving miles and miles away. 

________________________________________

A/N: there was meant to be a cute bathtub scene at the end before they went to bed. it required too much effort so it got the axe. oh well! thanks for sticking around <3

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[yarbz]

cowardly game of rival — n.jaemin ( f )

synopsis!

 ━ as the girl’s football team captain, you were used to the endless derogatory taunts, the wolf-whistling, the attempts at romance being boys telling you what they thought of barcelona’s starting XII. na jaemin fell into all those catergories, a detestable flea in your hair. as sworn enemies, there was not even an inkling of romance, and you were convinced that your attraction to him was ONLY physical. weren’t you?

pairing ━ na jaemin x female!reader

word count ━ 6k

genres ━ fluff, rival!au, football!au, comedy, romance, very little of the football game is described in detail.

warnings ━ profanity, football terms, dirty jokes, y/n and jaemin are literally just cowards

( author's note! )

this one came to mind when i thought of how i love female footballers and decided that jaemin would be the idiot in question to chicken out of confessing to their crush by being an ass instead. i really hope you like it !! other notes are sissoko is the name of like three different players and a cracker is slang for a really good goal.

Football.

A sport of creatively insane wits, fancy footwork and incoherent celebrations. Those were all the things you loved about it, along with the ridiculously cute uniform.

It provided you an escape from the man's world, a chance to carve out your own story, free from the shackles of stereotypes. At least, that's what you'd initially thought.

Unfortunately, the boy's football team made it their sole objective in life to demean you. As captain, you took on the strenuous task of refusing to resort to physical violence when a stupid comment about your short length was made or when boys assumed you couldn't tell your Sissoko's apart (you could, quite well actually).

You had taken it as a sign of war, and refused to comment on their pathetic sneers. You did, however, feel as if Na Jaemin made a blood pact or something to be a parasite towards you.

He stood at the cusp of six foot, towering over you like an evergreen beanstalk, cheshire-cat like smile taunting you. Chocolate colour tresses fell over his eyes in straight lines, shielding his forehead.

It's not like you paid attention to his visage, but even you had to admit in your spite that he was attractive. And horribly so.

Today started like every other, going to your locker before heading to your homeroom. Luckily, you'd managed to get there before the freshmen started to pile in. Being a senior had its positives along with its various faults, one of them being the early access you got to the school.

You jammed your key in the lock, flinging open the locker door, making quick work of exchanging your books. In your fast-paced stupor, you didn't notice the figure leaning behind the door. You slammed the door shut, nail catching an patch of skin, scraping it.

"If you wanted me to leave, you could've been less catty." The voice wheedled, throwing a withering glare in your direction. You rolled your eyes, annoyed, arms crossed across your chest.

"Jaemin." You sighed, rubbing your temples. "Why are you hiding behind my locker? Are you looking for a death wish?"

He sat up slowly, soothing his reddening nose, suddenly regaining his smile as he leaned closer towards your face. "If I was looking for a death wish, I'd eat whatever food you just stuffed in there."

"Fuck off. Don't see you making any gourmet meals."

"I'm the gourmet meal." He slithered, breath fanning your nose. From this distance, you could see the wonder swimming within his eyes, breath caught in your throat.

Damn, he was too fine.

You tore your gaze from his eyes, "And yet, I don't feel inclined to taste it." He jumped back in surprise, eyes widening, giving you an opening to dash. Chuffed that you left him speechless, you walked towards your next class, resisting the urge to turn back to revel in his awe-struck face.

Jaemin's eyebrow quirked in curiosity, crooked smirk hanging from his lips. He watched you stalk away, cursing underneath his breath softly. You carried a fiery aura around you, burning him with every snarky remark — even though it beat him bruised ghastly lavenders, he could bear to play with fire if it meant you would pay him attention.

You see, Jaemin did not hate you as per say. The 'hate' which you believed in was merely his inability to profess his affections towards you. For lack of a better word, he was a coward.

A dashingly handsome one, but a fragile, chicken-legged coward all the same.

You'd made it to class in record time, ego bared boldly on your shoulders, attracting the curious eyes of your best friends Yangyang and Donghyuck. Both were terrorists in their own right, but you couldn't help loving them all the same. Sure, they came as a dreadful pair, but love had decided to shackle your heart to them.

"What's got you so happy? Jaemin finally drop dead?" Yangyang joked, shifting to make space for you. Headband strapped to the pinnacle of his forehead, he grinned at you from beneath the base of stretchy ebony material.

"No..not yet." You hummed, sad lilt to your tone.

"Awh, didn't kill him yet?" Donghyuck teased, nudging Yangyang in their laughter. "I think it must be love stopping you from committing the crime yourself." You shoved both, peals of laughter tickling your throat at their whines of pain.

"If you don't shut up, I'll be killing you two instead, never mind Jaemin." You snapped. "Love is what I feel when I score a cracker from the halfway line. Seeing Jaemin makes me want to jump out of the nearest window."

"Are you sure it's not just unresolved sexual tension? I, too get antsy when I haven't jacked off—"

"Finish that sentence and you'll have no arms."

"I'm flexible enough to suck myself off." Yangyang mused, "You'll never stop my libido."

"You're disgusting." You and Donghyuck said in sync, swatting his grabby hands from flying at your shoulders. Quite frankly, you didn't want to hear about his freakishly boneless limbs, or his untameable sex drive, nor hear anything about his genitals at all.

"Does that count as self—"

"Yes, it does. Please don't be telling people that I'm your friend, or that you can do that. It's not a little icebreaker."

Friendship with these two had crossed all sorts of personal boundaries you didn't know existed, and it was starting to decompose you, like a rotting piece of cabbage infested by slugs, yet still hanging on for the glimpse of sunlight to regenerate.

Okay, so you were being dramatic. But, that didn't explain their dire need to over share certain aspects of their lives with you.

"Doesn't change the topic at hand —Did you get my pun?" He asked, looking for Donghyuck's reaction.

"I did. Not going to comment on it before she breaks my arms. Just know I enjoyed it very much."

"If I wanted to mess around with Jaemin, I'd put my hand in a beehive. It'd sting less." You snarled, slamming down your books. They winced comically, faces alert as the teacher walked into the class.

Apart from football, you enjoyed learning — how to make things, break things, self defense, people skills, and education fell not too far from that. Classes like biology interested you greatly, which is why you found yourself fully immersed in the process of respiration.

Your mind drifted for a second, thinking back to what he'd said. Was it actually sexual tension? Did you actually bare an emotion other than loathing towards him? Then, you thought of that face and how you'd want to do nothing more than break his pretty little nose—

Yeah. There it was. You were normal after all.

School had come to her daily dreadful end, and you were happily striding into the ladies' changing rooms for football training. Nobody had gotten here yet, luckily.

You glanced over into the full body mirror, tugging at your shorts until they fell just above the bump of your knee, pulling your sock midway at your calf. Lean abs shone underneath the dim light, and you proudly paraded around the room, happy to be alone.

A knock on the door came, and you swung the door open with a feverish excitement. "Who is it?"

"Didn't take me as a bra kinda girl. Was thinking more spandex or a binder." Jaemin seethed, hands on hips, azure jersey hanging off his lithe frame.

"You're insufferable. Why are you here?" You groaned, choosing to ignore his taunt at your breast size. His eyes crinkled into upside down crescents, wandering lower to the dip of your frilly black bra.

"To see my favourite girl, of course." He whistled, eyes still glued to your unmarked expanse of skin. "I think those need a new owner." He pointed towards your chest.

"Preferably one whose face I can stand to look at."

"I'm roaring with laughter." You snarked, voice dripping with sarcasm, making no attempt to cover yourself up. Jaemin was still staring, face flushed a flaming cerise. "You gonna keep staring or are you gonna leave me alone?"

"I'm not staring. Why are you staring at me?" He shot defensively. Your eyes narrowed at him, watching his cheeks darken with every lingering stare.

"You're in the girl's changing room, drooling over two lumps of fat on the body of a girl that you hate. The real inquisition here is your lack of sensibility to stop thirsting after anything with a vagina."

Jaemin stayed silent, eyes boring holes into your full lips, tongue instinctively darting out to wet his own nimble, chapped ones. Rolling your eyes, you lead him to the door, hand clasped against the door handle.

Then, you heard loud footsteps approaching the room, incoherent rambling increasing in clarity. You began to conjure up a plan, wondering how on Earth you'd be able to kick Jaemin out without the girls knowing.

With the shouts of the team gradually getting closer, you panicked, chucking Jaemin into a locker.

"Fine, I'll leave! Lemme out!" He squirmed, trying to come out of the metal confines.

"You can't leave now, they're literally outside. Do you want to be stomped to death by Nike Mercurials?" You hissed, closing the door over, much to his protests.

"Don't wanna die with the last image being your breasts."

"If you survive this, I'll gladly provide you a new image."

He shut up at that, and you straightened, reaching for your jersey in a false calmness. The girls burst in, squeals of various greetings being thrown across the room.

You smiled gently at them, encouraging them to get changed, joining in to laugh at their jokes. The topic kept shifting from manicures to new boots before finally settling on Na Jaemin.

"Cap'n, what's going on with you and Jaemin?" One of the girls asked, batting her eyelashes softly. "A boy on the football team told me that you guys are dating."

Dating..that devil? A sin punishable by death! You repelled all instinct to shudder in disgust, instead choosing to maintain a neutral expression.

"I am absolutely not dating Na Jaemin. He's a despicable little mongrel and I'd rather eat my shoe—"

"Mon bébé chérie, why do you curse me like this?" Jaemin squeezed from the locker, voice like a wounded puppy.

"Did you hear that? I think it was—"

"No! It's my Jaemin impression. Isn't it so good?" You spluttered, voice rising in volume. You were sure that your face was a painful beetroot, breathing crazily as you over-exerted yourself.

"Cap'n, it was so good I almost thought Jaemin was in here with us!" She gushed, hands clasped. "You guys would be so cute together. Even if you don't like him, I think he most definitely has feelings for you."

The rest of the girls joined in at this, shouts of 'you should take a chance!' resounding in the hollow room. You'd already ruled out that as a possibility, chalking it down to his uncontrollable thirst for being a pest. Na Jaemin was your rival, the utter bane of your existence, a rodent that fed on robbing your spirits dry of any positivity.

"He'll get a chance when pigs fly." You muttered, noticing their eyes staring at you inquisitively, as if they knew something you didn't. Awkwardly, you smiled at the girls, ushering them towards the door, scanning the hallway after the last one had skipped out.

Jaemin untangled himself from the locker, straightening his limbs, pulling at his calves in a stretch. You peered over your shoulder, frown deepening at him.

"Did you mean what you said?" Jaemin breathed, walking into your personal bubble. He was way too close. His breath tickled your forehead, eyes dark with something you couldn't decipher.

He felt his heart pound against his chest, resisting the urge to pick the stray hair in your eye to the side. You were looking at him with a confused expression, nose scrunched, eyebrows furrowed. You were going to be the death of him. Devastated, he broke eye contact, feeling all forms of fight seep from his bones.

"You don't like me." You whispered, wincing at the wobble in your voice. "Everyone's just saying that....right?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"No. I want you to say no."

"I can't do that."

"Well, you have to say no. I don't want to hear the rest of your sentence — keep us as just this." You softly yelled, pointing between the pair of you. "Don't change anything."

"Okay. I'll leave, but only because you want me to. But, before I go..you've gotta start being more observant." He sighed, ruffling your hair before making his way out.

"I’m plenty observant. Wouldn’t be a good player if I wasn’t.”

"I’ll see it when I believe it. Oh, and the thing you said about pigs flying..”

“What about it?”

“Renjun’s working on it.”

You laughed heartily, locking the door behind you. So, Jaemin did in fact think of you as his Aphrodite — all those nicknames were genuinely created out of affections. 'Mon bébé chérie' held a lot more emotional weight than it did twenty minutes ago, and you had to breathe before your eyes prickled with saltine tears.

Fresh air hit you like a loaded delivery truck, Mother Nature delicately wiping the tears from your eyes, shaking you with a cold flourish, roaring your cheeks to life. The team had already started their warm-up drills, as opposed to the boys' football team who were cooling down from their jog.

You ran over, tightening your ponytail, shifting into 'Captain' mode. The coach pushed you into the circle, encouraging you to take the reins. "Team, we've been doing nothing but straight work. Let's make this session count before the match tomorrow." You shouted, feeling that familiar rush of adrenaline.

The team chanted back, settling into their positions for the first drill — a penalty shoot out. You stepped to the ball, striding back to gain a better angle, socks hugging your knees.

Giving yourself a five second countdown, you charged at the ball, foot pointed, kicking it with a passion that rivalled Lionel Messi. It rolled in the back of the net, flying past Hyejoo, who could barely even process it.

"Still got those fire feet, I see, Cap'n!"

"Lady Luck gave them to me for a reason." You boasted, smugness slapped all over your face.

From the corner of your eye, Jaemin snickered, winking at you when you turned to make eye contact. At least he had the audacity to keep up appearances in front of everyone, even if you had probably made everything awkward.

"My granny could kick better than that, babes!" He boomed from across the pitch, teasing smirk on his lips.

"Your granny lives in a retirement home and still calls on you 'Nana Banana'..it's not very nice to lie." You retorted, eyes narrowed, nearing his hunched form.

"Doesn't mean she can't kick your ass. Granny was a little Aguero back in the day."

"She can't if I'm the Manè, can she?"

"But I'm a Modric. I'll beat your ass, any day, any time." He grinned, leaning in to you. "In any way you want."

You heard blood pumping in your ears, your cheeks filling with immense heat. He grabbed your cheeks softly, grinning even wider when you flushed even warmer, a human sauna. Pushing a lock out of your eyes, he searched your eyes for any sense of rage, face softening at your lack of that emotion.

"Any..way..I want?" You mouthed silently, innuendo catching your attention again as you mulled over the words. "Na Jaemin, you're a dirty boy."

"I think you're the dirty girl." He hummed, saying the next sentence in an octave that made your head spin, quietly enough that only the two of you could hear. "Sauntering around in your little Victoria's Secret bra, cozying up to me without even batting an eyelash or covering up."

"These boobs are mine. I'm allowed to show them to anyone I want."

"So you admit to showing them to me? You admit that you were trying to put on a show for me?" He pressed, purposely craning his neck over you.

"I was trying to change. If you didn't come into the room like a little pervert, you'd never have gotten a visual of these."

"And yet I know how they look now. There's nothing that can erase that image."

"Fuck you, Na Jaemin."

"I think you meant to say fuck me, but I'll allow the slip-up just because I'm so nice." You squirmed under his predatory gaze, heat in your cheeks akin to a fever. "Better get back to training, Cap. Your team's got a match tomorrow."

You hissed at him weakly, choosing to walk away from his provocation, going back to the team, who were all smiling at you with a glint in their eye. By the looks on their faces, they'd definitely taken that exchange as a form of flirting.

Not that you were disputing it, of course.

The coach rounded the girls up, calling them to grab bibs. You relaxed, running over to take the last bib once you'd calmed down. Na Jaemin was a little toe-sucking, filthy mongrel who only knew how to charm his way out of everything — totally not your ideal type or anything.

His penance for being blunt coupled with that honeyed voice was what was throwing you off. Not your physical attraction to him. At least, you hoped so.

The shrill shriek of the whistle behind you shook you out of your mind, bringing your attention back to the practice game. With every shot at the goal, you could see Jaemin taunting you, making kissy faces.

After the first half, you weren't sure if it was real or if you were hallucinating — almost like a mirage, he was wearing that stupid little smirk and there was nothing more you wanted than to slap those lips clean off his face.

Soon enough, you clocked that it wasn't just an illusion, as he'd shifted to the opposite end of the pitch, the other boys from the football team watching from the stands.

They'd started jeering at every pass, exaggerating their reactions, commentary toeing the border of sexual harassment. You volleyed the ball on your foot, battering it into the stands, grinning widely as it hit one of the boys in the face, leaving his nose lopsided.

"If you're gonna be a sexist piece of shit, just fuck off. My team doesn't deserve to hear your brain-dead commentary, nor see your fuck face." You smiled, bite in your voice. "Kindly take the opinion that nobody asked for and shove it up your ass."

Jaemin's eyes twinkled with respect, breath caught in his throat at the dark look in your eyes. He felt his chest warm in adoration, heart doubling in size. "You heard the lady."

"Includes you too, Jaemin. Better get home before Granny Na starts missing her little boy."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Fuck off." You said playfully, recovering the ball. He waved you bye, lugging his bag over his shoulder, fixing the collar of his jersey. A beam touched your lips, face lighting up.

Jaemin smirked back at you, taking his leave. He dragged the remnants away with him, leaving the girl's football team alone in the cooling dwindle of Autumn light.

"Nice shorts." A tug.

"Oh? Na Jaemin complimenting me?" You mused in surprise, arms folded across your chest.

"You didn't let me finish." Jaemin whispered, standing on the sidelines of the pitch, pulling at the hem of your shorts. "Ooh, I can see your stubble. Better bring out the razor."

Your jaw tightened, feeling that rush of annoyance fill your veins again. The nerve.

"More stubble than you'll ever grow on that chin."

"At least I'm not a human Sasquatch."

"I've got hair in the right places—" You started, catching the innuendo, glaring at Jaemin's raised eyebrows. "—I know what I meant. Don't be such a dirty boy."

"Say it again. Love the way it rolls off your tongue."

You gaped at him, whole body blowing a fuse, skin reddening at his tone. Sweltering heat danced atop each fingertip, each muscle, making you jolt. His gaze was still glued to your face, relishing the quickly dilating pupils in your eyes.

"I—"

"—Would rather have you speechless after our first time, not for your championship final. When you win, I'll buy you fucking adorable ice cream with the little star sprinkles that you like."

"Going to ignore you on that first statement, but the second one sounds like a motive."

"Win the match, and I'll ask you out. Properly."

You saw his eyes flash with something passionate, flakes of gooey molasses swirling behind the irises. Before you opened your mouth to reply to him, he pleaded silently for you to just take it as it was. "Gimme a chance. Who knows you better than your enemy? Nobody."

"I mean..."

"Only you know that my grandma calls me those corny names or that I see her all the time."

"Or that you lose every game that's not football because you're too lazy to pay attention." You added.

"And I know that you broke a guy's jaw because he was bothering Yangyang." He continued. "And I also know that you know one thing I've never told anyone."

"Ooh, what's that?"

"That I like you."

You looked away from him sheepishly, goosebumps popping up on your skin, and whether it was from the cold or from his words, you didn't know. He was looking down at you tenderly, ruffling your bed of hair, pressing a small, wet kiss to your forehead as the whistle blew.

"Don't play with fire, Na."

"You're more like a carpet burn."

You sighed, defeated. "Fine. I'll give you an answer when we win. If you're playing me, I'll break your arms."

"Okay. Go get 'em, Lady Luck." He smiled, waving you off as you scurried onto the pitch, face glowing under the fluorescent lights. Jaemin felt his chest tighten with pride, jaw aching from all the strenuous smiling.

With that absurdly contented face, you reminded him of a cross between a kid at a carnival and a man about to kill another. Your hair gathered wildly atop your head, a wicked glare painting your face.

This was you at peace, he deduced. Even with the gruesome of expressions, you looked calm. The pitch was truly your home away from home.

Two minutes into the second half saw you being carried off on a stretcher with a torn hamstring. You'd fallen to the grass, no sounds coming from your limp body. Jaemin swore he felt his heart plunge into his ass, and with a frantic flourish, he was coddling your head into his chest.

"Luck, don't die on me. I'm supposed to take you out for ice cream after this, and I stole Renjun's Baskin Robbins loyalty card to cut costs so if we don't go, I'll be getting beat up without having kissed your stupid face." He babbled, slapping your cheeks, scared that you'd genuinely lost your life.

You groaned, rolling slowly in the elastic. "Stop touching my face, I'll get acne." Mildly concussed, you soothed your throbbing headache, registering Jaemin's face looming over you. "Jaemin?"

"Oh, thank God. Thought I'd never see that unruly sparkle in your eyes again."

"Fuck off. My hamstring feels like a fried chicken mukbang and you're talking about my eyes."

"I can't cry before our first date. You'll think I'm a wimp."

"Already think that."

He hit your arm lightly, beaming at your focus on his face, meeting your eyes. You were glaring at him with a kissable pout on your lips, eyebrows furrowed — he wanted to pepper your face in balmy kisses.

The paramedic pushed him away, leading you to the ambulance. You flipped him off, yelling loudly as they wheeled you in, "Make sure you win! Won't forgive you if you don't."

The girl's football team had gathered around the door, all tight-lipped smiles and crumpled faces. They visibly brightened at your declaration, huddling together to recalibrate — the ref blew her whistle to call them back, summoning them back into position.

Yangyang and Donghyuck left the stands, rushing into the ambulance alongside you, closing the door behind them. Jaemin could faintly hear your loud curses, and sighed in relief, knowing that you'd be fine.

With two goals up, the team were at optimum working speed, playing loyally for your honour. Jaemin stood at the sidelines, holding your jacket in his hands as he recorded the match on his phone, wanting to send it to you later.

At 90 minutes, the girl's team had become the winner of the Division One Seoul Inter-district championship, and Jaemin was content. Not because it meant you'd go on that date with him, but because he could feel how much it meant to them.

Everyone around him was cheering madly, chanting and spraying assorted drinks in each other's faces, an infectious joy lingering in his veins. Amongst all the commotion, he'd somehow been pushed into the middle of the team, feeling their gazes boring into his frame.

"You like Cap'n, right?" The brunette said, eyes bright.

"No. I don't like her. She's my rival." Jaemin lied pathetically, trying to escape their judgement.

"Why were you in the locker room then?"

"Damn. How do you know that?"

"Cap'n is horrible at lying, so she's always upfront. She also cannot do an impression so she never attempts it."

"Wow, you guys sure know your stuff. Bet she's glad to have a team like you. I know I'm feeling a little jealous."

"Cut the smooth talk. If you like Cap'n, just be straightforward. She's more innocent than she seems, and can get her heart broken easily."

"Got it." He nodded, "Well...ladies, I have to thank you for the advice."

"No problem, but if you break her heart.." They chorused, "We'll break that pretty little nose." Fifteen studded feet swung at his face, narrowly skimming the bridge of his nose.

He flinched, caught off guard, grin bared. "Now, I definitely got that message. I'll be going to check up on her, what do you want me to say?"

"We've already called her and shown her the trophy, so we have nothing left to say, you, however...take all the time you need."

"Since I have your blessing, am I allowed to—"

"Don't finish that sentence. Keep in your lane."

Jaemin promptly closed his mouth, and bid them a goodbye, dashing into his car towards the hospital, stopping at Baskin Robbins to buy the ice cream he promised. He hoped you’d at least be able to eat the sprinkles (the ones you liked were expensive, and if you didn’t eat them, he’d just wasted an extra 2,500 won.)

In the hospital, you were now dressed in a medical gown, surrounded by the two idiots. It smelt like an experiment lab, and the spotless shades of ivory splashed on the walls made you feel a tad bit overwhelmed.

Your leg had already undergone the MRSI scan, and the nurses had told you that you’d definitely tore your hamstring, but surgery would fix it right up along with natural healing.

Of course, all those details lacked in comparison to your team finally winning the trophy you’d worked so hard towards — that excitement numbed the pain considerably.

“We thought you’d somehow died.” Yangyang confessed, grasping your hands in his clammy ones.

“You did.” Donghyuck sneered, pointing at him, continuing when he saw your face change in confusion. “Yang was convinced that you were invincible like Superman or something. He started blubbering about how you could definitely defeat the grim reaper in close contact and that should be enough to steal back your soul or whatever—”

“I’m just never going to ask questions again.”

“Jaemin was on the verge of a breakdown when he saw you fall. Never have I ever seen him run so fast towards a girl.” Donghyuck said, hand on chin in mock thought.

You blushed, remembering your promise about the ice cream and falling back into the bed in distress.

“What’s going on with you? I saw you two all friendly at the sidelines.” Yangyang murmured, eyes squinting in judgement. “Don’t tell me...you guys fucked before the game?”

Suddenly it was too hot in the room. You fanned yourself to cool down, slapping your own cheeks before pulling Yangyang’s ears. “Yeah, because I have the guts to just have my first time in a school setting.” You deadpanned.

“Naughty girl.” Both boys swooned, unable to note your sarcasm.

“Just because my leg is gone doesn’t mean I can’t harm you anymore. I’ll break your kneecaps.”

In the midst of your fight with your best friends, you spotted Jaemin opening the door, wearing that greasy smirk that made butterflies tickle your throat.

“I see a broken leg isn’t enough to stop you, is it?” Jaemin drawled from the door, hands behind his back. “Still threatening people?”

“It’s not threatening if they deserve it.” You mumbled, suddenly shy. Jaemin maintained his distance from you, arm outstretched, ice cream tub in hand. He was looking away from you, faint blush tinting his cheeks, lips squeezed in a puffy ‘o’.

“Not that I remembered or anything, but you did say something about liking these sprinkles.” He said, eyes darting around to focus on anything but you.

“I do...like these sprinkles..how did you know?”

“Everyone calls you star, and you’re cute. It’s your personality in an edible sugar shape.”

You rolled your eyes at his words, forgetting both Donghyuck and Yangyang were seated in the room. It felt like the two of you were just stuck in your own world, glaring at each other like a pair of lovers.

Unfortunately, that moment was cut short by your ungracious best friends, cooing annoyingly. They were squealing like little girls, incomprehensible screams of ‘our girl’s grown up!’ scraping your eardrums.

“Leave me alone!” You whined, face scrunched in discomfort, making futile attempts to push them away. “Jaemin...please get these two off me.”

“Asking your boyfriend to get rid of us? Already?” Yangyang hollered, one of Jaemin’s arms stopping him from jumping on you again.

“He’s not my boyfriend. As of now, he’s the only sensible one who isn’t mauling the girl with a broken leg, and that’s why I’m asking him for help.”

“Should I throw them out?”

“Yes —actually, do whatever. Let them go terrorise someone that isn’t me.”

“Your wish is my command.”

On that, Jaemin escorted both boys outside, shutting the door on them, cutting off the beginning to their long-winded rant with a smile. That left the two of you alone.

Oddly enough, the silence wasn’t stifling but rather a conversation of the mind — you were able to see what he wanted to say by looking into those mocha coloured eyes. You threw the ice cream tub in the bin, reaching for Jaemin’s hands shyly.

He’d sat down beside you on the bed, just staring at you like you were an abstract painting, a mosaic of a splendid array, unable to take his eyes off you. He took your hand warmly, running his fingers over your calloused knuckles, sharing his heat with you.

“Jaemin.” You yawned, head falling onto his shoulder. “I’m saying yes to your date. If I didn’t get injured, you could’ve taken me out today, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry. Being with you is enough for me, even if I do want to comment on your horrible tackles during the match.” Jaemin teased, grabbing your hand a little tighter.

“Haha...I’m dying of laughter.”

“Hey! None of that here.”

“Sorry. I’m just happy. My team won our first championship, which we’ve been trying to do for three years, and I feel on top of the world. All those years of boys being absolute dickheads to us about our abilities, trying to put us down have amounted to this moment. I’m at peace right now.”

“Don’t apologise. I should be sorry instead. It was easier to talk to you if I pretended I hated you. I shouldn’t have been like that.”

“I accept your apology. But..I think it was cute you couldn’t tell me you liked me! That’s so endearing.”

“Fuck off.”

“That’s my line! Well, you were always attractive to me, even when you were being a dickhead. Now that I think about it, you’re at your hottest when you’re being mean.”

“Is that so?” Jaemin mused, rolling onto his hands, dangling over you, lips eerily close to your own. “Do you want me to treat you mean, keep you keen?”

“Firstly, don’t ever say that again.” You stopped him, hand placed on his chest to push him away lightly. “Secondly, I’ve never had a boyfriend or my first kiss. That means no experience.” You slurred that last part, rushing the words so he wouldn’t be able to hear.

“Cap’n, you’re telling me that I’ll be your first?”

“Not if you don’t ask me out.”

Jaemin sat back beside you, looking up to the ceiling. This was the moment. He took a deep breath, standing up before you, hands rubbing his stomach softly to calm down.

“I wanted to do a real dramatic confession, but I rushed over here in fear that you wouldn’t be able to hit me again, so I’ll have to stick with my speech.” He cheesed, trying to ease himself of his nerves. You laughed, hissing in mock anger when he wore that stupid grin. “I like you. Like a lot. Sometimes, I come to school with a dirty scowl on my face, but then I see your face and start smiling like a love struck fool. You’re someone that I wouldn’t want to lose.”

“Jaemin, you little mongrel. Come here.” You waved him over, arms outstretched in a hug. “Even though I know your ego won’t let you ask me out properly, I would love to be your girlfriend. However, if my heart is broken..I’ll be stoning your car.”

“Thought you were gonna say that you’d break my face.”

“That too.”

He snuggled closer into you, peering up at you with shining eyes, not wanting to move too much to keep you comfortable. You grinned back at him, placing a soft kiss on his head, running a hand through his hair.

That familiar silence returned, and that’s how you fell asleep with Na Jaemin enveloped in your chest. Although you’d broken a leg, Lady Luck seemed to have twiddled her fingers to send you a ‘get well soon’ present, the ever cunning Na Jaemin.

Five months later had you no longer hobbling around on crutches like a hobbit, but walking proud and tall. Jaemin drove you to school (using the excuse of carpooling) and helped you take your books to first period everyday — the alpha male in him winced seeing you attempt any ‘heavy lifting’, and he’d made it a routine.

“Can you fuck off? I can carry this.” You complained, pinching his side. “Just because I see a physio biweekly doesn’t mean I’m about as able-bodied as a monkey.”

“Got the hair to be a monkey.” He snorted.

“Look who’s talking, Mr.Sasquatch. Bigger feet than his prints, you little scoundrel.”

“Big feet means big—”

“Don’t finish that if you wanna keep the body part in question.”

“—heart. Dirty girl.”

You felt the honey pooling in your stomach, kissing his cheek in haste to escape his relentless teasing. He shut up at that, pulling you back to kiss you properly, attracting the attention of everyone in the hallway.

“Get to class.” He announced as he parted from you, enjoying your petulant face. You hit him softly, flipping him off from behind you, blowing him a kiss.

Ah, Na Jaemin. You still hated him. Just a little less this time.

[scapegrace74-blog]

Ginger Snap, Chapter 5

A/N  Know what this fic needs?  More Geillis.  No really, I think you guys are going to like where I’m going with this.   Just bear with me.   Only one more chapter to go after this one, plus an epilogue.   Thanks for coming on the journey with me!  With due credit to Sia, this chapter’s title is Fire, Meet Gasoline.

Previous chapters are best enjoyed on my AO3 page, because I have a bad habit of going back and editing them after they’ve been posted.

Geillis Duncan drove much the way she approached life, which was to say without much regard for rules and at white-knuckle speed.  I gripped her Range Rover’s leather cushion and swallowed any exclamations of dismay as we ricocheted through Edinburgh’s late afternoon traffic.  When we finally slid into an underground parking spot and emerged into the bustling festivity of the Princes Street Christmas Market, I felt the tension of imminent disaster abandon my shoulders.

“Where to first, then?” Geillis asked, looking far too animated by the prospect of accompanying someone while they did their Christmas shopping.

Geillis and I had kept in touch and met for coffee a few times over the past months.  When I explained that I wouldn’t be taking any more cooking classes at Ginger Snap because Jamie was giving me at-home lessons, her reaction was a moonbeam grin.

“Look at ye, wee vixen!  I ne’er wouldha thought ye had it in ya, Claire.  Tho I canna say as I blame ye.”

No matter how much I protested that I was together with Frank and that my relationship with Jamie was purely professional, she refused to believe me.  The ongoing absence of a ring from my left hand didn’t help.

“Now,” Geillis exclaimed once we’d taken in the sights and sounds of the market, “let’s have a keek at yer list.  Where should we start?”

I pulled out my phone and opened the Notes app.  As she read, my friend’s nose wrinkled in confusion.

“Trouser socks, shoe stays, Moleskine notebook, Rive Gauche...  who are ye shopping for, yer grandparents?”

“No,” I protested.  “The first three are for Frank.  The perfume is for me.”

When I explained that Frank had made a list of the items he would like to give me for Christmas, Geillis grew incensed.

“Ye mean he has ye doin’ his gift buying fer him?  Tha’s the least romantic thing I’ve e’er heard.  Do ye even like Rive Gauche, Claire?  And dinna lie tae me, fer I can read yer feelings all o’er yer face.”

Truthfully, I didn’t much care for the flowery scent.  My personal taste ran more towards woodsy or herbaceous aromas.  But it was Frank’s favourite, and it pleased me to please him.  Or it had.  I was beginning to wonder when it would be my turn to please myself.

“Right,” Geillis interrupted my thoughts.  “Marks and Sparks will do jes fine for yer wee granny list.   And then you and I are going shopping fer yer real gift.”

Geillis was a force to be reckoned with in a retail environment.  She navigated like a guided missile from one department to the next.   Twenty minutes later, we were back on the pavement, which glistened with the colourful reflections of decorations strung above.

“Your car is the other way,” I explained as Geillis turned left.

“Aye, tis, but our destination is right o’er here.  House of Fraser.  See?  Tis practically calling yer name, Claire.”

Inside the venerable old building was an astonishing multi-tiered arcade reaching over five stories to a massive skylit ceiling.  The central space was dominated by a fifteen metre-high Christmas tree (a Fraser fir, of course) and every archway of every arcade was dripping with lights.  The impression was like stepping into a Fabergé egg.

Geillis dragged me, slack-jawed, towards the ladies’ wear section.  Circling the racks like a hawk on the wind, she eyed my body, sizing me up quite literally, then thrust several pieces into my hands.

“Geillis,” I hissed, wary of the sales staff hovering nearby, no doubt smelling an excessive commission in the offing.  “I don’t need a new outfit.  And I certainly don’t need,” I shook the garments in question, “something like this.  Wherever would I wear it?”

“Well, fer starters, ye’d wear it tae dinner t’night.  I dinna wish tae offend ye, Claire, but I canna in good conscience allow ye tae set foot in the Timberyard dressed fer a job interview as a primary school teacher.”

With that she shoved me in the direction of the changing rooms.  Deciding to humour her, I was unbuttoning my top when two lacy bits of nothing came flying over the door.

“Start wi’ these.  And dinna think I willna notice if ye’re no’ wearing them!”

I stripped down to my panties, bemusedly wondering how she knew my exact bra size. 

Upon seeing me exit the dressing room in her choice of clothing, Geillis let out a squeal of delight.   She insisted I rip out the tags and leave the store wearing my new outfit, declaring it was her Christmas gift to me.  

I felt tremendously self-conscious as we walked towards the restaurant.  The aubergine velvet jeans clung to my legs in an unfamiliar way and the black turtleneck, while technically not revealing, hinted at kink with its many heavy zippers and fastenings.  Together with my unruly hair, unstraightened for once, I felt like another woman entirely.  I didn’t recognize her, but I felt like she might be someone I’d like to get to know.

The Timberyard was a modern restaurant in a rugged old warehouse, not far from the farmer’s market I’d visited with Jamie.  We were joined there by several of Geillis’ friends, and we ate, drank and laughed until my sides were sore. 

As I wobbled to the loo, I noticed the bartender following me with an appreciative gaze.  It had been a long time since a man had looked at me that way, and it gave me a guilty thrill.

We left the restaurant just before midnight. I pulled Geillis into an impulsive hug.

“Wha’ was that for, hen?” she asked.

“Nothing.  Everything.  Just, thank you for being you, Geil.”

“Och, tis my pleasure, lass.  I only want tae see ye happy.  Now, what do ye say to a digestif?”

After only a slight protest on my part, the two of us piled into an Uber.  Our destination was another restaurant, this time in a converted whisky warehouse by the harbour in Leith.  It was well past last sitting, but when I mentioned this to Geillis she explained away my concern. 

“I ken the owner, who’s also the chef.  Tis a popular spot fer locals in the restaurant scene tae meet after they close up fer a few drinks afore heading home tae their beds.”

Inside, the walls were rough stone, supported in places by industrial metal beams.  The kitchen was open to the main dining area, and I grinned as I thought of Frank’s strong opinion on the matter.  Near the back of the room, lit by dim naked bulbs and the glow from several open fireplaces, was a huge square table surrounded by nearly twenty chairs upholstered in bright yellow plaid.  Around the table was gathered a motley assortment of men and women, all talking and laughing and sipping on a variety of drinks.  And in their midst, his copper hair shining in the firelight, sat Jamie.

A shout went up from the table as Geillis approached.  I hung back, tugging at the hem of my new turtleneck as though I could stretch it to cover my arse.  Besides Jamie, I recognized Jenny, Angus and Murtagh, but I only had eyes for the big ginger chef.  He sat at one corner, probably in deference to his long legs which were stretched out before him, wrapped in black denim.  A black leather jacket hung over the chair behind him.  He looked dangerous.  It was a very good look for him.

Dragging me by the elbow, Geillis nudged and bumped Angus to one side despite his vulgar protests, then practically pushed me down into the chair directly next to the chef.  With a smug smile of satisfaction, she then retired to the opposite side of the table.

I looked anywhere but directly at Jamie, but I could feel his butane eyes on me.  I was certain he would scorch right through my outer layers and down to where Geillis’ choice in lingerie burned against my tender skin.  The noise from the rest of the table faded away.

“Ye look bonnie t’night, Arsonist.”  His voice was low and gruff and it sent a quickening through my veins.

“Thank you, Jamie. It was Geillis’ Christmas gift to me, and I feel, well... let’s just say it isn’t my usual look.”

“It suits ye, I think.”  He reached out and lightly touched the silver tab of a zipper that ended near my wrist, setting it swinging.  I swallowed and looked frantically around.  Several open bottles of liquor stood nearby. Grabbing the nearest one, I poured myself a generous serving and knocked it back, all in one go.  I tried to steady my breathing.

“Look, Jamie...”

Just then a blond man in chef’s whites called to Jamie from across the table.  An exchange involving a lot of Scottish cursing and an off-colour reference to someone’s lobster pot ensued.  I tried to convince myself I needed to leave.  It was late, I was half-drunk, and whatever I intended to say to Jamie should definitely wait for another moment.  Maybe never.

A hand on my thigh broke my preoccupation.

“Sorry, Arsonist, ye were sayin’ something?”

I wet my lips, frantically trying to recall anything but the feeling of Jamie’s strong fingers, stroking me through the velvet of my jeans.

“I...”

At that moment, the woman on Jamie’s far side broke into song.  The rest of the table cheered and clapped along, and it was impossible to hear anything except the concussive pounding of my heart against my eardrums.

Jamie grabbed my clammy hand.

“Come wi’ me,” he instructed, grabbing our outerwear and pulling me towards the door.  Geillis watched our departure with all the excitement of a child on Christmas morning.

Outside the air was dense and cold, a briny slap after the stuffy warmth of the restaurant.  Jamie obviously had a destination in mind, and we walked hand-in-hand along the cobbled streets for several minutes before finally emerging at the port.  A jetty struck out into the inky sea, and it was there that we ended up.  Besides a few gulls and the winking of a nearby lighthouse, we were all alone.  The sodium street lights caught Jamie’s curls and made them burn.

“Forgive me, Arsonist.  I couldna hear myself think in there.  Tho, come tae think of it, tis no’ much better now.”  Rather than release me, as he spoke Jamie stroked my hand, running calloused fingers over each vein and every knuckle.  I don’t think he even realized he was doing it, but it stole every thought from my head.

“No ring,” he remarked, stroking the finger in question.

“No,” I whispered in response.  

And then it burst out of me, like a tidal wave of feeling that I never saw coming.  I told him everything.  My childhood roaming the globe with my uncle, pre-occupied and rootless, dreaming of stability.  Meeting Frank at Harvard, and realizing that he represented all the things that my life to date had lacked: structure, security, a solid foundation, a home.  And how it took moving to Scotland and coming into contact with a group of near-strangers to make me realize that the price I had paid for that stability was higher than I’d ever imagined.  I’d given up my dream of becoming a doctor. I’d become so lost in Frank’s vision of who I should be that I’d almost lost sight of who I actually was.

By the time the flood of words left me, I was in Jamie’s arms, crying into his leather jacket.  He hushed me with quiet murmurs and languorous stroking of my hair, as one would a child who has woken from a nightmare.

I stepped out of his embrace and rubbed my sleeve across my face.  I must have looked an absolute mess, but he still watched me with those earnest, patient eyes.

“I’m sorry,” I began, “I don’t know what...”

“Claire,” he interrupted.  I’d never before realized just how many consonants were in my given name.  “Ye dinna need tae apologize tae me.  But ye may want tae consider an apology tae yerself.”  At my raised eyebrow, he continued.

“I’m no’ the kind of man tae tell another what they should and shouldna do.  But ye strike me as someone who’s made decisions fer the right reasons, yet ended up in the wrong place.”  Here he paused, as though carefully weighing his words.  “There��s no sin in changin’ yer mind, Arsonist.  Tis very well tae be hungry, so long as ye ken what ye hunger for.”

“And what do you hunger for, James Fraser?”  The provocative words had left my lips before I had the chance to censor them.  His answer came in the form of a blistering look that left no doubt as to its meaning.  Then he gathered himself, banking the fire I’d unconsciously ignited.

“Many things.  Regular, ordinary things, mostly.  My family’s health and happiness.  A faster bike.  My own restaurant.”

“Like Tom’s there?” I asked, gesturing towards the harbour.

“Och, Tom is a braw chef, and worthy o’ every accolade tha’s been showered upon him.  But the hospitality scene in Edinburgh is cut-throat, an’ suitable locations cost a fortune.  Nah, Jenny and I want tae buy back our childhood home in the Highlands.  Tis called Lallybroch, and when our Da passed, our Mam sold it tae her brother.  We’d turn it inta a country inn, wi’ Jenny running the lodging side o’ things and I the dining.  Tha’s the dream anyway,” he ended with a shrug.

I rested my hand on his forearm.  “That sounds like a wonderful plan, Jamie.”

Before he could reply, an enormous yawn burst from my lungs.

“Time tae get ye home tae yer bed, Arsonist,” Jamie grinned.   “Come, I’ll give ye a ride.”

“Wait, haven’t you been drinking?” I inquired as we walked back down the jetty.

“Three years sober,” he explained with no hint of embarrassment.  “I went somewhere pretty dark after my Mam died, an’ it took a near-fatal crash tae scare me straight.”  His eyes squinted in a poor approximation of a wink as he added, “Besides, there are better ways tae chase a rush than in the bottom of a bottle.”

“Such as?” I asked brazenly.

Which was how I found myself on the back on a black motorcycle, my arms twined around Jamie’s waist.  Rather than take me directly home, he steered us north, following the coast.  It was very late, with hardly another vehicle about.  We merged onto the motorway, and Jamie picked up speed.  My thighs tightened around his lean hips, the vibration of the motor beneath us shivering up my spine.  As we emerged beneath the hastate lights of the Queensferry Bridge, I stretched my arms wide, icy air ripping against the sleeves of my jacket.  I laughed, although no-one could hear me.  I yelled, and only the wind yelled back.  I was flying.

***

It was nearly dawn when Jamie pulled up in front of my flat.  My legs thrummed, my eyes were dry with fatigue, and my heart ached, but I felt better than I could ever remember.  I handed Jamie back his spare helmet and shook out my curls.  He watched me in that half-sleepy, half-vigilant way of his that I now recognized as desire.

“I don’t know what I could ever say to thank you, Jamie.”

“Ye needn’t say anything at all, Arsonist.  Nae matter what ye decide, it has been my very great honour tae get tae know you.”

Without another word, he kick-started the engine and drove off into the early morning mist.

“Goodbye,” I whispered to his vanishing shadow.

***

The lamp above the couch was lit, and Frank lay still beneath its glow.  I realized he had fallen asleep waiting for me to come home.  Instead of regret, what I felt in that moment was pity.

The sound of my jacket being unzipped woke him.  He blinked in confusion and then in shock.

“I’m very sorry if you were worried,” I began.

“Worried?  Do you have any idea what time it is?  My God, Claire, I don’t know what to make of you these days.  You’ve never behaved irresponsibly before, and now you’re out at all hours and you’re wearing,” he gestured wildly with his hand at my new outfit which I had, quite honestly, forgotten I was wearing.  “And your hair, Claire!” he finished, as though the manic state of my curls was definitive evidence of my fall from grace.  Despite my exhaustion, I stood tall.

“Frank, we need to talk.”

[theincuhusbands]

Christmas Decorating - (Sam x Reader)

Summary - When the boys and Y/N finally get around to decorating for Christmas this year, nothing will stop Y/N and Sam having some Christmas fun!

Warnings - LONG, Kissing, Snow-violence and Cheesy

Word Count - 1818

Erik passed the last box down the ladder to Matthew as I squealed in excitement “That's the last one, right?! We can start now?!” James laughed a little as he climbed down the attic ladder “Yes Miss, we can start now.”

I had been waiting all of December for this! James had been away on business trips and Erik's business had been busier than ever so if we decorated it would have been without them and so we were all waiting until we could do it together. Which now happened to be Christmas eve.

I desperately grabbed the box of tinsel at my feet and hurried down the stairs. I swooned around the main lobby with idea's running around my head about how I could decorate this already gorgeous mansion and make it the most magical, winter wonderland anyone had ever seen. I was determined to make this the best Christmas I ever could. The boy's deserved the most magical first proper Christmas they could dream of, even if they don’t understand the holiday.

Christmas been a favourite holiday of mine, not the day itself, spending a day with my Father and having to pretend to enjoy it sucked, all while he goes on and on at me about school and my studies and most dreaded of all… ‘my future company'.

However, I loved the season. The snow, the going shopping with friends, the drinking hot chocolate by the fire, the decorating and everything else festive about the season but this year was different, this year I had someone special to spend it with.

I looked up the top of the stairs to see Sam leaning with his arms on the banister, holding a box filled with decorations, staring at me smiling. I shout up at him smiling “Don't drop those! Read the box their fragile!” Sam rolls his eyes as he stands up laughing “Can't read Doofus.”

Sam and I weren't official but we've been on a couple “hangouts” which more closely resembled dates and we'd kissed a couple times. It was pretty well known I liked him and I've walked in on my fair share of conversations I wasn't supposed to which included incessant teasing about his feelings. I had never had someone to share Christmas with like this. I mean I've had Naomi and Suzu to celebrate with but this is different. it feels more like celebrating with family than it ever has with the boys.

Matthew ran down the stairs, brushing past Sam and up to me holding three boxes. “Where'd you want these boss?!

I giggle as I point to one of the tables next to the staircase. “Over there. those are decorations for the tree! So, keep them close too here” Matthew nods like he’s on a mission and puts them down on the table. Erik smiles as he brings down a couple more boxes from the landing. “Is that why we bought that tree? To decorate it?” I nod firmly smiling as I start to wrap some red tinsel around the stair’s railings. Damien smiles at me as he passes more tinsel up to me. “From what you think about Christmas it must be the most amazing time ever.”

James clears his throat, bringing all our attention to him. “Alright, I think it would be more productive if we divide and concur.” I clap my hands in excitement as I back down the stairs. James smiles as he picks up a box. “Erik and I will decorate the dinning room and the kitchen, Matthew and Damien can decorate the main hall and Y/N and Sam could do the outside?” I smile brightly. “Yeah sounds great! I’ll go get my jacket.”

--------

The cold winter night was bitter and chilly as I rubbed my hands together. “You cold?” I turned to face Sam who had a small worried smile on his face as I shook my head. “Let’s get started. Ours is going to look the best” Sam gave me a devilish grin. “You bet it Doofus!”

I’m a little bit shocked at first at how quick Sam is decorating until I hit myself and realised, incubi. Duh. I grab some of the Christmas lights and start wrapping them around a window when I realise Sam is preoccupied setting up some plastic reindeer on the drive. I slowly lean down and grab a handful of snow and shape it into a ball. I aim it ever so carefully and throw it with all my might.

Bullseye.

I snicker as I turn around back at my lights as I hear Sam turn around in confusion muttering to himself “what in the hel-“ I hear the penny drop. “YOU!” His voice dripped with venom and anger as I burst out laughing and start running away. Sam gives chase as we run around the garden throwing half made snowballs at each other laughing and mucking around.

Sam bends down to make a snowball and I take the chance to jump behind some of James’s gardens, hidden by huge bushes. By the time Sam finishes and stands up he’s lost track of me and I’m perfectly hidden by the bushes. I sneak quietly to where he is looking around for me and calling out for me suspiciously. “Y/N? Y/N?”

I take my moment and lunge out the bushes jumping on him and push him to the ground and into the snow. “Got ya’!” I shout giggling as he bursts out laughing. After a couple moments the laugher stops at, we’re left smiling like idiots, looking into each other’s eyes. I start to blush realising I’m straddling him. I sigh leaning in and resting my forehead on his “Merry Christmas Sam”. He smiles sweetly looking down at my lips for a second before letting his eyes meet mine. “Merry Christmas Doofus”.

I gently lean my hands on his chest as I lean in for a short kiss. His lips are as heavenly as always and an amazing contrast of warmth against the freezing cold snow touching my legs and knees. As we finally pull apart, we laugh a little as we can see our breath in the cold air. “I can’t wait till you see what I got you” Sam said smiling affectionately making my heart skip a beat. “Y-You bought me something?” He gives me an amused smile as he laughs making his body shake and making my stomach tie itself up in knots. “What you didn’t think I’d get you something?” I shook my head smiling slightly “never thought about it”.

I stand up as I brush the snow off me. “Come on, we should get inside, it’s really chilly out here” I offer Sam a hand to pull him up which he takes as we start walking around the house to the front door.

As we walk up the porch I jump as I feel Sam’s hand on my waist as he pulls me into him. I must be redder than the tinsel right now. As we walk inside, my jaw drops. It’s gorgeous. The boys have made this so beautiful. The chandelier is decorated with tinsel and there are stockings hung over the railings along with candy canes and decorations set out all over the main hall. “wow…” I breathed out in amazement. It took me a while to realise all the boys were staring at me, or more specifically the hand that was on my waist. “This is amazing guys” I say as I move away from Sam looking at all the decorations. Erik laughs leaning against the bottom post of the railing. “I get that it’s snowy out there but you two are awfully wet.”

I smirk as I think about the snowball fight and I hear Damien’s laugh fill the room. “They’ve been having some Christmas fun of their own.” Matthew looks at me with an eyebrow quirked however all I do is wink back. I turn around and look into the dinning room when I see the tree we picked out standing up in a stand ready to be decorated. “Yes! This is the best bit” I run and hang my jacket up by the fire before running back to the tree skidding in my socks.

The boys crowd around the tree as we decorate it with tinsel, baubles, crackers and everything else. James smiles at me “You really love this Miss, don’t you?” I chuckle as I reach back into the box for the perfect decoration. “what gave it away?” James smiles charmingly at me “the stars in your eyes” I laugh gently placing the decoration on the tree when something catches the corner of my eye. A blur dashing out the room. “I’ll be back. Two moments”

-------

I follow the burr out the room and up the stairs to my room. “Sam?” When I open the door, Sam turns to face me with a small present in his hands. “Hey… I couldn’t wait” He holds it out to me gently as I walk over and take it. It’s not wrapped very well and the green ribbon is a bit crumpled. It’s not hard to see he had to try and wrap this quite a few times but it’s just perfect.

I softly open the wrapping paper to reveal a flat green velvet box. I turn to Sam confused but he just smiles at me nervously “open it…”. I open it to reveal a brand-new shiny chain bracelet with a beautiful dog tag hanging from it. I gasp in shock and in aww looking at it. He bought me a matching dog tag, maybe some people would be insulted but it’s so cute. I hear him breathe shakely as he bites his lip. “So?” I lunge at him again wrapping my arms around is neck attacking him with hugs. “I love it Sam! Thank you!”

I feel him let out a sigh of relief and I hug him tighter. I eventually pull apart from him as I look down at the box. I open it and gently pull the bracelet out and put it on. It’s so pretty and sweet I could cry. I quickly stand up and lean under my bed pulling out Sam’s present. “This is for you” Sam looks at me cheerfully as he takes it -and not so gracefully- rips the paper off to reveal a framed photo of us two in the summer when we went on holiday to Hawaii. Matthew took the photo and I’m jumped up on Sam’s back as we’re eating ice cream. He looks at it and rubs his thumb over the frame before he looks up at me the hint of tears in his eyes.

He stands up suddenly pulling me into a hug so tight it almost smothers me. “Thank you… Y/N…” I smile into him hugging him tighter and breathing in his sent “anytime…”.

[itsjustmyfantasyroom]

Undercover love part 2

Part two to this that @detective-giggles and I planned together. This is second and final part :)

Warnings: Fluff, swearing and Smut.

WC: 2829

As you came to slowly opening your eyes, your head felt like it was cracking in half and your mouth was like sand paper. You started to ball your hands to grab onto something to help with the pain, only being able to grab the hospital bed sheets.

“Y/N your awake” You heard a familiar voice.

“Wha-Where am I? Barba?”

“Just rest mi Amor, we can talk later” you felt Rafael’s lips on your forehead and his hand grabbed yours running his thumb over your knuckles as you drifted back asleep.

“Y/N and Barba sitting in a tree, K-i-s-s-i-n-g” you rolled your eyes at Amanda as you took a sip of your soda.

“Don’t be a bitch Amanda, we haven’t even kissed yet- and what the hell is this horrific movie?” You reached for the remote to change the station.

You had gotten back from Hospital that morning feeling much better than you had in the last 24 hours. When you were rushed to hospital Rafael rode with you in the back and he stayed with you the night leaving early that morning to go home and shower and change for court. He was nothing but caring and attentive. He wasn’t able to take you home when you were discharged, so Amanda came and dropped you home and then came back once she clocked off after the first day of the trial.

Amanda came back with her overnight bag and Frannie worried about you being alone that night. You were sitting on your couch eating pizza with Frannie between you both.

“You never told me, how was the trial start today?” You looked at Amanda.

“Brutal, Barba is out for blood. Him and Liv aren’t talking you know. They had a fight outside the club.”

“What?” you looked at her wide eyed.

“Yeah he’s pissed Liv left you in there so long. He was the one who told us to move in, twice actually”

“Wow” you looked down to hide your slightly pink cheeks.

“Yeah hopefully after the trial he settles down a bit, he is wound so tight. You should be grateful he isn’t putting you on the stand.”

That night Amanda slept next you, Frannie once again between you both, she woke every now and then to make sure you were ok. It was early in the morning not long before you knew Amanda had to get up so you ordered some coffee and breakfast before she had to leave.

“If this is what I’ am going to be waking up to every morning can I move it?” a big smile on her face as she sat down.

“Don’t push it- but seriously thanks for staying last night, meant a lot”

“That’s what friends are for” Amanda gave you a big smile.

****

It was coming to the end of the week and Sonny had told you the jury was out for deliberation, a verdict should be in by the weekend. You had the odd message here and there from Rafael, but you knew he was busy with the trial. It had been a hot day, you were grateful that you were able to be home with the air con instead of being stuck in a court room. It had finally started to cool down as the darkness of the night rolled in, so you decided to go for a walk to get some fresh air.

You looked at yourself in the mirror one last time before you slipped on your brown side bag. You had changed into a black mid-thigh t shirt dress and some flip flops, your hair in a high pony tail and made your way out the door.  You walked a few blocks not really heading in any direction when your phone chimed with a new message,

Rafael: 7.30pm- Hey Amor how are you feeling? I just got home.

You stepped to the curb and held up your hand for a cab. The cab pulled up at Rafael’s apartment block. You made your way to the front door of the building looking for his apartment number and pressed the button. You had been there once before with Liv when you needed some paper worked signed late one night.

“Hello” his voice came over the speaker.

“It’s me” you answered back and the door clicked that it had been open.

Butterflies filled your stomach as you made the 4 floor ride up. As the door’s opened you seen Rafael standing half in his apartment half in the hall way leaning on the door frame, arms crossed in front of himself. As he laid eyes on you a small smirk came to his face. His tie, vest and suspenders gone and shoes off showing a pair of bright purple striped socks. He was in his dress pants and shirt, top few buttons undone seeing his undershirt and his sleeves rolled up above his elbows. As you got closer to Rafael you gave him a big smile,

“Hope you don’t mind me dropping by?” You stopped just as your feet were about to touch his.

“Of course not” Rafael stood up straight, wrapping an arm around your shoulders pulling you into him brushing his lips to yours as you felt a spark in your belly, you rested one hand just above his elbow and the other on his chest, “I’ve missed you, I’ am sorry I have been so busy” Rafael said just above a whisper while he used his hand that was around your shoulder to brush down your cheek, down the side of your neck, making you moan softly.

Rafael pulled you inside the door and shut it behind him sliding the bolt closed with his free hand, pushing you up against the wall just next to it, pressing his crotch into yours.

“The trial is almost over” he whispered into your ear “But you turning up here tonight, I don’t know if I can control myself any longer”

“If it’s too tempting, I can leave if you want me to” you smirked at him, moving to take your cross body off dropping it to the floor.

His lips came landing down on yours running his tongue along your lower lip. You opened your mouth slightly. The kiss was intense and fiery. You could feel him hardening against you. His hands started to ran down your sides and back up to your breast and he cupped them through your dress giving them a light squeeze, your panties damping even more. You were squeezing one of his shoulders with one hand, while you rested your other on his waist again. Rafael pulled away to look at you, his eyes filled with desire,

“If you hadn’t noticed, I don’t want you to leave” Rafael licked his bottom lip

“I’ am glad, because I didn’t want to”

Rafael’s lips came crashing down on yours again, your arms moved to wrap around his neck pulling him into you. Rafael ran his hands down your side again, lifting your dress up to your hips, reaching around to your ass grabbing onto it lifting you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist grinding down on him while he moaned into your mouth, your flip flops falling off your feet behind him.  Rafael pushed you into the wall for support as he reached down between you both, moving your panties aside sliding two fingers inside you,

“Amor, you’re so wet” he groaned.

“Well- you’ve made me wait three weeks” he laughed back at you as you started to kiss down his neck.

“Don’t be cheeky Detective” Rafael mumbled.

“Or what” you pulled away from his neck “you’ll fuck me here and not in your bed?” you said into his ear. Rafael made a noise somewhere between a choke and a grunt.

He was lighting fast, pulling his fingers out of you reaching down to undo his belt buckle, pants button and zipper, pushing them and his boxers down just enough to free himself. His fingers were back at your centre as he moved your panties to the side lining himself up to you sliding in slowly.

“That’s exactly what I’ am going to do” Rafael pushed himself in all the way bottoming out, pausing for a moment for you both to get your breaths. Your legs tightened around Rafael pulling him in closer. Rafael had already known you were on birth control and you were both clean from a conversation you both already had one night.

“You’re so beautiful” Rafael looked into your eyes as he started to move in and out of you.

“Kiss me Rafi”

Rafael’s lips met yours as he thrusted into you fast, the sexual tension that had built up between you both too much for you to handle. Not once did Rafael’s mouth leave yours, you both swallowing each other’s moans and grunts. Fighting to catch your breath you pulled away from Rafael’s lips and lent your forehead to his. The fire in your belly about to erupt through you,

“Rafi- I- oh my- RAFAEL” your body filled with pleasure as you tighten your legs around him even more, your whole body shaking. You lent down and started to suck on Rafael’s neck grinding onto him, sucking ever so lightly next to his Adam’s apple. The sensation charged through him and with one more big thrust he was coming, moaning into your shoulder.

As he started to slow his movements, you lent back into the wall to get your breath, loosening your leg grip on him to move to standing. Rafael placed you down slowly so you didn’t lose your balance. You fixed up your panties and pulled down your dress. You lent your back against the wall and slid down to sitting, stretching your legs in front of you puffed out.

“You ok?” Rafael looked down at you as he zipped himself away.

“Amazing” you smiled at him.

Rafael made his way down to sit right next to you putting his hand on your knee and kissing your cheek.

“Let me take you out on Saturday” Rafael moved to put his arm around you.

“Is this what you do Counselor, wall sex and then ask them on a date-Or I’ am special” You winked at him, a smile pulling to his face.

“I guess you’re just special” Rafael lent over and kissed you on the lips while your hand was resting on his jaw.

****

Saturday morning you woke, looking out the window to the sun shining drinking a coffee when your phone chimed,

Rafael-10 am: Looking forward to seeing you Amor, I’ll message when I’ am down stairs x  

Y/N- 10.02: Looking forward to seeing you Raf x

You walked to your wardrobe and pulled out the cloths you were planning on wearing, ran to the bathroom showering and dressing. You put on a pair a jean shorts, a light camouflage pattern t-shirt, a white blazer and picking a pair of double strapped slides. You put on some light make up and with light shade of pink lipstick and using your curling wand to put some waves in your hair.

You had just sprayed some perfume, putting what you needed in your brown side bag when a message came,

Rafael- 11.30am: Waiting down stairs x

You walked out onto the street and saw Rafael standing leaning against a taxi, wearing dark blue jeans, a grey short sleeved Henley and navy boat shoes, as you got closer a low whistle left your mouth,

“Did you just whistle at me Detective?” Rafael stood up off the taxi wrapping both arms around your waist, planting a light kiss on your lips.

“I did Counselor” you winked at him “You’re looking very handsome”

“No different than any other day” Rafael raised his eye brow at you with a smirk, you throwing your head back laughing at him “And may I say you look gorgeous today, like always”  

As you got into the taxi, Rafael gave your ass a small slap before getting in himself and giving the address, holding your hand the whole drive to Central Park. The taxi pulled up, Rafael paid and you both got out. Rafael was quick to grab your hand and pulled you towards the horse carriages, walking up to the first one in the line.

“Really Rafi?” a big smile coming to your face.

“What- too cliché?”

“Wh- Oh no. I have always wanted to-“ Rafael cut you off

“I know Rollins and Carisi told me how you always talk about it, and well I’ am pretty sure you like me so I’ am making it happen” You lent over and kissed Rafael light on the lips.

The ride through Central Park was beautiful.

“Y/N- Last weekend” he grabbed your hand squeezing it “I was frightened. I felt sick seeing you in that situation and I couldn’t do anything about it. I- like you a lot and I never got a chance to tell you before what happened and I’ am sorry for that, I should have told you”

You lent over and kissed Rafael on the cheek,

“It’s ok, we didn’t know what was going to happen. We were all taken off guard. I knew you liked me, you showed me more than once” you squeezed his hand.

“I was showing you in a different way, but I should have said something. I don’t want you to think that I just wanted you for that”

“I know Rafi. I like you a lot too and well- not just for that.” You lent over and kissed him deeply as the horse carriage pulled up.

Rafael got out the carriage first and then helped you get down,

‘Can you close your eyes for me Amor?”

“Ah-ok” you did as he asked and closed them, Rafael putting his hands on your waist guiding you forward till he stopped you.

“You can open them now” Rafael said into your ear.

You let your eyes adjust and you moved your hands to your mouth in surprise. Set up on the grass was a beautiful light blue gingham blanket with a brown wicker picnic basket in one corner with a bunch of sunflowers sitting in front of it.

“You’re not saying anything. Do you not li-“

Rafael was cut off when you wrapped your arms around his neck and your lips landed on his. He wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you in, opening his mouth so you could deepen the kiss.

“Ok guys break it up”

You pulled away from Rafael and turned to see Liv standing there with Noah in his pram,

“Liv? Hey Noah- What are you doing here?” you walked towards Liv to give her a hug and then gave Noah a kiss on his head.

“I had some making up to do” Liv smiled at you, looking behind you to Rafael who stepped forward to wrap his arm around your shoulders.

“Thanks Liv” Rafael smiled over at her.

“I hope you guys enjoy it- see you Monday” Liv winked at you and turned to walk away.

Rafael grabbed your hand again and pulled you towards the blanket, making his way to the sit next to the basket, you followed sitting down next to him. Rafael opened the top of the basket and started to pull out its contents. Two wrapped sandwiches from the Cuban Deli that you liked, a tray of strawberries dipped in chocolate, a tray of 4 cupcakes beautifully decorated with love heart sprinkles, two plastic flute glasses and a medium size bottle of your favourite champagne.  Rafael picked up the bunch of sunflowers and handed them to you,

“These are for you” He handed them to you with a smile on his face.

“Rafi- this is- this is amazing, how did you know about all of this?”

“You have some amazing friends around you Amor- and I was told in not so subtle terms not to mess this up” he chuckled to himself “Rollins and Carisi told me everything, and I wanted to make this happen for you”

“Consouler, you getting soft on me” a cheeky smile came to your face.

“Never” Rafael winked at you.

The day had been amazing. The food was delicious and you were surprised at how publicly affectionate Rafael actually was.  It had started to get over cast as storm clouds started to move in. You guys had packed away what food that was left and the picnic blanket, walking out of the park hand in hand.

“Did you want to come back for coffee?” You looked over at Rafael as you made your way up to where some cabs were waiting just outside the gates.

“Just coffee?” Rafael winked at you.

“That’s original” you rolled your eyes with a smile on your face.

“I would love to mi Amor” Rafael lent over close to you ear “But I want to fuck you against your wall first.”

Tags: @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @the-baby-bookworm @dianilaws @scarletsoldierrr @lv7867 @permanentlydizzy @averyhotchner​ @evee87​ @ritajammer21​ @bisexual-dreamer02​ @winterreader-nowwriter​ @infiniteoddball​

[nakedmossy]

Depth Over Distance - Part Eleven  [Rudy x Reader]

[A/N: Welcome back. Short chapter to get me back into it. Sorry I was away so long, I needed to find myself again. Took longer than expected but that’s life. Its not always sunshine and roses, sometimes its cloudy skies and roots that trip you up. As long as you have the courage to carry on and the hope that tomorrow will be better, then you’re already doing more than you did yesterday. Be calm, be kind, be safe...Mossy x]  

You woke up slowly, without opening your eyes, and listened to the rhythmic sound of Rudy’s breathing beside you. You were laying somewhere soft - the couch maybe - and the air was warm and smelled of burning cedar and cologne. You felt your chest tighten and the urgent need to inhale, to circulate oxygen to your limbs, to stretch. You started with your toes, feet, then your legs, and inhaled deeply into a yawn as you moved your arms out from under a blanket.

“Hey” You heard Rudy’s voice, low and gravelly, itching with concern. You felt his hand float around your hair, softly brushing the top of your head. The corner of your mouth twitched as you started to open your eyes, the soft glow of the fire casting shadows around the room, Rudy’s wild hair and broad shoulders silhouetted in front of you.

“Hey, Y/N, slow down” A firm hand pressed into your shoulder as you tried to sit forward. Gently coaxing you back, he brought a glass of water to your lips and helped you sip until you had cleared the dry lump in your throat. Licking your lips, you felt the words form in your mouth.

“I’m still mad at you”

Rudy laughed, deep and sharp, his head dropping between his shoulder blades, before his gaze found yours. You saw candles reflected in his eyes which were wet with tears, his brow furrowed and his mouth tight. The afternoon sun shone through the window and you could hear the light patter of rain on the roof.

“You gotta stop scaring me like that” He said quietly, his hand still brushing your hair lightly away from your face.

“You gotta start telling the truth” You rebutted without missing a beat. “The whole truth” you added when his face eluded to a forthcoming retort.

He pursed his lips and nodded in resignation once before leaning forward and standing up, walking past you into the kitchen.

You moved your head around slowly, stretching your neck and wincing whenever your forehead pulled at the cut. The fire was crackling gently and the embers danced around and up into the chimney, sparking and caressing the darkness. You relaxed into the couch again, thinking back to the conversation you had had with Rudy before you collapsed. The fog set in again, the dark nagging in the pit of your stomach. You heard his words repeating in your head like a broken record; its not mine, its not mine, its not mine. Your stomach turned; you were going to be sick.

You stood as quickly as you could, tossing the blanket to the side, and scrambled towards the bathroom clutching your stomach. You barely made it to the doorway before you began to retch into the sink. Rudy called your name once from the kitchen before you heard him outside the bathroom. You kicked the door shut and held it closed with your leg, gripping either side of the sink with sweaty palms.

“Go away” you called between gasps, spitting saliva into the sink. You grabbed the jug of water from below the sink once you were sure the wave had passed and rinsed the basin out. It took a few moments before you could look at yourself in the mirror and wipe your mouth clean, you were so tired.

A gentle knock at the door reminded you Rudy was outside. You swallowed once more before taking a deep breath and turning the handle, pulling the door slowly open. Rudy took a step back and let you walk out, waiting patiently for you to gather yourself.

“I’m fine. Sorry” You said quietly, unmoving. He swallowed once and looked at the bathroom, then back to you.

“I think we need to go back to the hospital.” He was more telling than asking.

“I’m fine. Its just....its been a lot.” You motioned around you at the last 72 hours in general. “I just need...some time to recover.”

“Y/N...” He started, but you put your hands up in protest.

“Rudy. Listen to me for once, I’m not dying. I’ve had a concussion before. I know what to expect.”

He pursed his lips and set his jaw, looking over your head and taking a breath before looking back at you.

“You feeling up for a walk then? I think we could both use the air.”

You nodded slowly and let your breath out before motioning towards the bedroom where your clothes still laid in a pile on the floor. Slipping your wool socks on and pulling a sweater gingerly over your head, you felt yourself let out a small laugh at how bizarre this whole week had been since Rudy showed up. You didn’t know if your life would ever be the same. In some ways you hoped it wouldn’t be, but you needed some sense of normality back.

When you stepped out onto the porch to slip your boots on you noticed that there was a fresh stack of firewood piled in the box under the window, and the axe was stuck into the flesh of the chopping block. You inhaled deeply, revelling at the smell of the wet earth and the steam rising from the mossy ground below you and the fresh cut cedar. Behind you Rudy clicked the door closed and zipped up his vest, his muscular arms covered by a tight base layer.

“Creek?” He asked quietly, you nodded and followed him down the stairs towards the trail that lined the creek bed and wound towards a break in the forest.

You both remained silent for a few moments before the moisture in the air lifted something from your chest and tickled your throat. You coughed once, your eyes pinching shut from the throbbing pain in your head at the onset of pressure. Rudys hand found yours and squeezed it tightly.

“So” You said after clearing your throat. “Are you gonna tell me the whole story now or do I have to wait another 3 days and get in another accident?”

You smiled as you said it, coyly, but Rudy struggled to do anything but cringe.

“What story, exactly?”

“At the party, your welcome home party, when we were standing in the parking lot by the fence. I asked you to tell me about Anna, and you said very distinctly ‘she’s just my manager, that’s it’. And I told you we would talk about it another time, and that you were a terrible liar.”

Rudy scoffed in recognition and smiled quietly, looking at the tree cover. “I remember”

“Well, now is that time.”

His strong shoulders stiffened a little and he walked with more vigour than he had before. You struggled to keep pace with him, catching your toe on roots and debris every few steps and swinging your arms to quicken yourself.

“I wasn’t happy. I’ll premise all of this by saying that.” He started, his voice tight. “I was working, I had a steady income, I was doing exactly what I set out to do....but” he shook his head lightly, his hair swaying in your peripherals. “...it didn’t matter because no matter how much I worked or how hard I partied or how much money I made, I had a void I couldn’t fill.”

You looked over at him and noticed that his pace was quickening again, now you were half jogging to stay beside him.

“I was lonely and nobody noticed, or cared.” He paused, his face flushed. “Anna did.”

You stayed quiet, observing his face, trying to keep your breathing from becoming panting, but you were starting to get dizzy.

“She was a temporary distraction. A way to pass the time. It sounds awful, but...shit, sorry” He put his arm out to slow you and calmed down from the aggressive speed he was ambling down the path. “Sorry.”

You shook your head and caught your breath, holding on to his arm as a wave of dizziness passed. When you nodded and started walking again he matched your pace, slightly behind you.

“Anyways, yeah. I knew it wasn’t serious, I was in it for the wrong reasons. We kept everything quiet, just went on a few dates and made them look like meetings....it was fun for 5 minutes. When I started to notice she was taking it seriously I backed off. Or tried to. It was messy and she started to threaten me, said she would tell everyone that I took advantage of her and that it was non-consensual, which of course was total bullshit but she was smart and she knew how to talk to people and she wouldn’t have had any problem ruining my career, my life. So I left.”

You took stock of what he had said and waited a few moments before speaking. The creek was loud beside you now, the water smooth over twigs and rocks, bubbling in the back-eddy’s, crashing over the shoreline. You heard a bird overhead and listened to the sound of thunder off in the distance. The sky was grey but the storm would pass around you, you knew these skies well.

“Rudy I am so, so sorry.” Your voice cracked as you spoke, turning to fully face him. “This is....”

“...a mess” He finished for you, nodding and looking around, his arms crossed and his muscles causing the fabric to stretch. You wanted to hug him, hit her, and burn the whole damn city of LA to the ground for the shit storm he found himself in.

“What did she say to your dad?”

“She lied, naturally. Tried to tell them that the kid was mine and that she would take me to court if I didn’t pay child support.” His face was reddening and his jawline flexed. You felt dizzy again, but focussed on deep breathing. “She’s trying to refuse a paternity test.”

Your gut twisted and you reached out to touch Rudy's arm, but he flinched and turned away. Confused, you withdrew your arm and waited.

"Sorry." He muttered, pinching his eyes shut and rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Im sorry. Come here"

He pulled you into a hug and rested his chin on top of your head.

"I just don't feel good about any of this. I dragged you into my shit and look what happened."

"Don't do that" you started, trying to pull away. The scent of Rudy mixed with the smell of the trees and wet earth was heady and intoxicating. He squeezed you tighter.

"Its the truth. I thought I could run away from this and I can't. It followed me here, to you. And i'm sorry for that."

"Im not." You said finally, pushing back far enough so you could see his face. “I’m not at all. I’m happy you came home.” The word ‘home’ sat heavily between you, littering the air with connotation. “You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”

He frowned, unwillingly to accept your offer of companionship, still stuck in the deeply rooted feeling he had hurt you.

“Look at me” You said sternly, your voice sharp. He looked briefly, then looked away, so you lifted your hand to his face and forced his gaze back to you. “You’re not going through this alone. I notice, I care, and...I mean assuming you’re not going to get in your truck and leave me here to become bear bait....Im not letting you go through this by yourself. I will...I don’t know...politely ask her to pound sand and eat a dick if you need me to....or-”

“HA” He barked a laugh suddenly before grabbing your hand from his cheek and bringing it to his chest. “You’re ridiculous. But thank you.” He said genuinely. “Seriously.”

You stood in a contented silence for a few moments before he spoke again.

“Lets head back. I want to have a fire tonight.” He smiled, grabbing your hand.

“I saw.” You cooed before squeezing his hand back, falling in beside him.

The air was cooling and the sun was low, setting below the tree line. The air felt cleaner, clearer, easier to breathe. You walked in silence, both of you equally enjoying the peace that you found in the old growth forest. The soft packed earth below your feet like a wet sponge, the trees strongly shading you from the moisture packed clouds above. Something settled in you, set in your chest, calmed you. You felt happy.

_____________________________________

Tag List: @sunshinemadds​ @bluebirdsbluebells​​, @lovelymaybankk​, @poguestyleskye​, @alexa-playafricabytoto​, @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch​, @k-k0129​, @kimyeon-tae​, @ellystone​, @faded-blue​, @thebeautifulbookworm, @heypearce, @jjsthumbring, @poguesrforlife, @timotaychalabae​, @infinityspacesuniverse, @judayyyw, @nelebynele​, @p0gues4l​, @annedub, @justagirlpostingwhatsheloves​, @rudyypankow​, @thegeekyblondegirlwholovesstars​, @cocoopalace, @toribentleyva, @lennoxcobain, @runway-to-my-aid. @otrbnks, @jjtheangel, @thehomeiknow @lenaandcalliope, @rudths, @hopelesswritingxd, @timotaychalabae, @outerbanksbro, @otrbnks, @eclecticpuppyhollywoodhumanoid, @obx-saltlife, @perfektionsmakel @fanofmany @jeyramarie @sarapixieelliott08@lemur46

[theseathatsparkles]

On Bugs

so for creative writing class we were told to imitate Amy Dillard’s writing style. This is the essay on bugs that I ended up making. Not Bleach, I know, but I thought someone might enjoy it. 

This took so long to write oh my god ;-;

also, I am fully aware that not all insects are bugs, and that spiders aren’t either of the two, but. bug is much more fun to say.

Word count - 1500 on the dot

@despairforme THE BUG ESSAY. IT’S HERE. @onenicebugperday you inspired me to write a four page essay about bugs i hope you’re happy

When I was in third grade, I dropped a dandelion down the back of my classmate’s shirt. She was upset, having thought the rather inconspicuous dandelion was a daddy long-legs spider. She’d screamed, slapped me on the chest in an attempt to escape her arachnid harasser, and had decided to wage war against me for the rest of our time together in school.

I never was afraid of spiders the way she was. Spiders and snakes and all sorts of bugs, so long as I could be assured they weren't poisonous, had always held a special place in my heart - and, more often than not, my hand. Growing up in woody, wet Germany gave me a healthy dosage of ladybugs, crickets, and snails at a young age, and I never looked at a bug with anything other than fascination. 

It’s the middle of winter, now. There aren’t many bugs around. Forty-two little silhouettes in the light above my desk, but none of them move, empty exoskeletons like shells. They’re probably dry, and if I touched one I’m sure it would crumble under my fingers. There seem to be more of them every time I look up; it’s the middle of winter, so the warmth of the indoors must be especially tantalizing. Right now, there isn’t any wind outside, but the world seems to be painted in shades of grey. Even looking outside makes you feel cold, and the drifts of iced-over snow outside of the window just emphasize this.

I have mixed feelings about winter. I love the snow, love having an excuse to stay inside wrapped in blankets on the days I don’t have school. I love that there aren’t mosquitoes to follow me around - I must taste good to them, since they always seem to swarm me. But the lack of the bugs I do like - spiders, caterpillars, grasshoppers, even the jeweled dragonflies that swarm our canoes in summer - makes winter feel especially harsh. 

When I’m feeling more grey than usual, I turn to the internet to soothe me. My computer has a tab open - one nice bug per day. The third picture that appears on image search is a gorgeous skeleton leaf moth, the row under that containing a domino cuckoo bee. I smile, looking at the pictures.  A photo of a hissing cockroach wearing a tiny paper party hat jumps out at me, curled around a leaf. I click on the picture, save it to my gmail by emailing it to myself. I’ll take some time to admire them later.

The bigger the bug the better, of course. Small bugs are hard to track, and the idea of one getting somewhere without me knowing about it gives me chills. That’s probably why I hate ants; they swarm up your legs and into your shoes and socks and it takes far too long to extract them all, and you feel phantom itches on your body for the next day or so. 

The fear of ants is called myrmecophobia, and often goes hand-in-hand with entomophobia - the fear of insects. When I was young - still in Elementary school, at a time before my decision to quit soccer - I’d practice with my mom in the field a bit southeast of the elementary school tucked at the base of the mountain pass. The playground had been north of us. I always wanted to go back to the playground. The whole complex had been a good half hour’s drive from my house, so we didn’t go there often, but it had an excellent jungle gym and some new swings. It got hot easily, out there under the sun; if I didn’t bring water, the ninety-degree weather would feel twenty degrees hotter, the sort of heat that makes you lightheaded and grumpy. 

But my mom had told me to play soccer, and she wasn’t the sort of person who you could say no to easily. I tried, of course, in futile attempts that would end with me in tears and my mom seething, but always ended up on that field, kicking the ball back and forth as my mom chastised me for skipping to the goal. Skipping, apparently, was slower than running.

 I’d hated soccer. 

It was one of those days that solidified my fear of ants. Wyoming doesn’t have fire ants or most other nasty biting bugs, so I was never in real danger, but that didn’t stop the whole experience from being traumatic. My mom, of course, had laughed about it later; it seems to be a habit of adults to take the irrational fears of children lightly. The ants crawling up my leg had probably been just as afraid of me as I was of them, but knowing that didn’t help any. Adults will tell you that the shark that bit off your arm was just as afraid of you as you were of it, but that doesn’t change the fact that your arm’s gone. 

I’d been unlucky enough to step right in an ant nest, the sort that stays hidden by the short grass until something, or someone, disturbs it. It hadn’t looked different from the regular ground from my five feet, but the moment I felt a tickle on my leg, I knew. 

I’d screamed. I think anyone would have screamed when confronted with one of their worst fears, so I never was ashamed of my reaction, even if I’d hated the exasperation and faint amusement on my mom’s face. The ants had come right off, lady fortune smiling on me that day, and I hadn’t found any tiny ant corpses in my shoes when I took them off that afternoon - a rarity; ants always seem to turn up in unexpected places post-encounter. I’d been paranoid, though, and had hopped around on one foot until I was a safe distance from the nest before shoving my hands down my socks to search for any lone ants. There were none.

I refused to resume play until I was positive there were no ants on me, of course. Even when we started the game again I was wary, taking light steps and watching the ground like a hawk for any sign of another insect. It had taken the fun out of the game pretty quickly, and we went home soon after.

The internet goes out for a moment, and the photo of the mantis I’m looking at shifts to a grey screen. I frown, take a second to stand up and stretch. My legs and shoulders are especially sore. By the time I sit down again, my picture has loaded again, and I scroll to the left to see a swallowtail butterfly looking out of the screen at me. They have yellow fur around their eyes and antennae, and look vaguely curious. This picture also goes to my saved folder to look at later, and I keep scrolling.

When I was in second grade, we studied bugs in science class. Not extensively; there’s only so much work you can get done as a scatterbrained second grader, and bugs weren’t on the top of my list of priorities. But we studied them, and after a few weeks our teacher imported seven Madagascar hissing cockroaches to be our class pets.

Nobody in my class was afraid of them; I think we were too young to be afraid of something as hideously cute as those little insects. They remind me of pugs now, disgusting in the sort of way that makes you want to coo over them. We’d kept them in a little glass terrarium in the back of the classroom, and took them out during lunch break and sometimes to sketch them during art. Our teacher had told us how to tell the males and females apart, but the information had gone straight in ear and out the other, like water through a sieve. There are two things I can remember about them now: first, that they would shed their skins sometimes and we’d have to clean out their terrarium; second, that if you poked their heads, they’d hiss.

The second thing was the most important to my little second-grade brain. My classmates and I took great satisfaction in poking the cockroaches and watching them puff up and make little hissing sounds like air coming out of a tire. They’d always make their funny wheezing sound, and we’d sit there for minutes on end - the longest amount of time our young minds could stay on track for - and tap them, giggling uncontrollably as they got progressively more frustrated.

I like bugs. I’m no entomologist, I would never spend my days in the wild watching them through magnifying glasses. But I still like them. Their colors remind me of spring and summer, and I love their size - perfect to pick up and put on a fingertip. They’re much more simple than people, never worried about money or jobs or politics. They have no worries, no fears.

I would love to be a bug.

[kitaychan]

We need to talk.

Summary: After a breakup, Ivan realizes his life was not as fullfilling as he had thought. Reaching out to old friends might prove to be a slow task with interesting outcomes.

Chapter Preview: The American scratched the back of his head, Ivan thought the unsure expression Alfred wore didn't fit him."I was getting the idea, that you weren't talking about your cat back then."

Ivan placed the wet plates on the counter, reaching for a kitchen towel to dry them."I was."

Alfred's pushed."for real-"

The Russian focused on the plate he was holding, and repeated."I was."

The blue-eyed man rolled his eyes. "Sure."

Ivan resumed his task and glanced down. "Alright, Tolys broke up with me, and left with someone else."

"Oh."

This was the problem with Alfred, while Tolys was good with words, Alfred was clueless.

Chapter 3: We are idiots.

“Let’s chat a bit.” Alfred said once he stepped into the apartment.

The American made a beeline to the kitchen, setting down the bag he carried from the store and turning on the stove.

Ivan stayed dumbfounded in the entrance until embarrassment took over him. “You don't need to do that.”

Alfred laughed, rummaging through the counters.“Of course, I do. Let me be.”

Ivan closed the door and decided to watch the American from the kitchen door. Knowing that he was just as unyielding if not much more than himself.

Setting a frying pan in the fire, Alfred asked. “So, why are you all disheveled?”

Ivan sighed, glancing at the window. The city was visible from there, full of bright lights and tall buildings. He remembered liking the view at the beginning, but now, it resembled a painting or a picture where he was out of the frame, it did not feel like a place where he actually spent his days.

He replied shortly. “I can't find Boris”

Alfred turned his head and raised an eyebrow. “Boris is your cat, right? I can’t believe you used that name, it sounds so weird.”

The Russian laughed. “And whose fault is that? I wanted to give him another name.”

Alfred focused back on his task and muttered. “I did not rescue that cat for you to name him Vodka... or Boris”

Ivan scoffed back. “Boris was appropriate for that cat, he survived a fire, he is totally a Boris. I don't know, but I'm getting the feeling that he won't come back.”

Without turning to look at him, Alfred replied. “Oh, that sucks man. When was the last time you saw it?”

This was the difference between Tolys and Alfred; while one was constantly worried and on edge, the other was laid-back and direct. The Russian mentally smacked himself, he shouldn't be doing such comparisons.

Ivan looked up, the last time he saw Boris was on Thursday. When he opened his door late at night and found out that Tolys had moved out. The fluffy cat had been playing around with a sock.“Last night.”  He answered.

The smell coming from the kitchen was getting stronger, even though it looked like Alfred was frying something, the smell reminded Ivan how hungry he actually was. The Russian tried to peek at what the other was doing but the American kept on blocking his view.

Alfred hummed “Don’t be so negative. Did you try putting some of his food outside?”

The Russian looked down at the untouched bowl of cat food. Feeling tiredness all over him again.  “No, I don't think he’ll come back”

“Why not?”

Ivan fixed his gaze on Alfred’s back, he was taking a dish from the top counter. “I haven’t paid much attention to him lately.”

Alfred’s reply was simple. “It’s a cat, they don’t need you around 24/7.”

Ivan sighed, glancing at the door. “Well, no. I just guess he found someone better, someone who pays attention to him and loves him more.”

Alfred’s footsteps approached, his voice was closer too. “But you love your cat, don't you?”

“Well, yes but I don't blame him for leaving me.”

Ivan looked at Alfred, he was placing two plates in the table. the Russian felt a smile creeping on his lips. He should’ve expected the homemade hamburgers, they were Alfred’s signature food.

The american returned to the kitchen, taking two glasses and a big soda. “Well, you can only hope for him to return. Meanwhile, we are going to find a good picture of Boris and post it in some missing pets groups, we could also print some and place them around, if someone sees it, they'll call.”

“That's a good idea.”

The drink was poured and Alfred handed him a glass. “Here, eat.”

Taking it, the Russian smiled softly, Ivan was glad not to be alone. “Thank you, Fredka”.

"It's fine dude."

They ate in silence, except for the occasional questioning about flavor that Alfred asked.

Once finished, Ivan retrieved the plates to the kitchen, starting to wash them.

This time, Alfred was the one watching him, the American leaned on the doorframe.

"Ivan…"

"Yes?"

The American scratched the back of his head, Ivan thought the unsure expression Alfred wore didn't fit him."I was getting the idea, that you weren't talking about your cat back then."

Ivan placed the wet plates on the counter, reaching for a kitchen towel to dry them."I was."

Alfred's pushed."for real-"

The Russian focused on the plate he was holding, and repeated."I was."

The blue-eyed man rolled his eyes."Sure."

Ivan resumed his task and glanced down. "Alright, Tolys broke up with me, and left with someone else."

"Oh."

This was the problem with Alfred, while Tolys was good with words, Alfred was clueless.

Sighing, Ivan turned back to Alfred, giving him an apologetic look. "See? I didn't want to tell you because it's just something you can't fix."

Alfred followed him to the living room. "Well, I never said it had to be fixed. You just have to overcome it, eventually. How are you feeling?"

Ivan was weary of having this conversation but perhaps it was the time for him to speak up about it. He took a seat and fidgeted with the remote. "Horrible, all I could say to him was "I hope you are happy" like I wasn't even mad, I don't know what's wrong with me, but all I felt at that moment was apathy. The sadness only got to me when I came back and noticed he had packed his things and left."

"Well, it's not wrong, you just didn't process the situation, that's completely normal."

"Is it?"

"Yes, I see it all the time, with the people we rescue, some of them get into a state of shock, they can't move, talk or hear. Some stay paralyzed, looking at the flames while we have to carry them outside."

Alfred took the control from his hands, taking one into his and rubbing circles in his palm.

"At least you reacted the same day, some people take days, months or even years to face the situation."

Ivan relaxed his posture, Alfred's hands were warm, unlike his own. "But you are talking about emergencies, about fires, I am talking about something harmless."

Alfred's blue eyes focused on his, worry was coating Alfred's usually smiling face. "Vanya, if you are so affected by it, then it isn't harmless."

Ivan dismissed with his hand, the warmth that Alfred was giving him was lost with the movement. "But I am not affected, I just got vacations in the worst moment possible."

Alfred started to change the channels. "Perhaps it is for the better. You can take some time for yourself."

Ivan whined. "But I don't want it. Being alone makes me think about what Tolys said."

"And what did he say?"

The words were easy to remember, they were repeating in his mind like a broken record since the brunette had uttered them. "That I was not prepared to compromise, that I only cared about myself."

"Is it true?"

The question surprised him, he was expecting Alfred to reassure him, to deny, instead, he was questioning the veracity of those words.

He couldn't hide his confused tone. "What?"

"Those words, are they true?"

A wave of frustration passed over him, the Russian replied hesitantly. "I.. I don't know… I can't see those behaviors in myself."

Alfred sighed, placing a hand on the Russian's shoulder. "Well, I can't say much because we have been apart for so long, but sometimes you’d get absorbed in your work, perhaps that's what makes you look self-centered."

"Perhaps…" Ivan echoed.

"You should really give yourself a break, travel somewhere, have new experiences. It'll be good for you."

Ivan was relieved, Knowing Alfred will not let him indulge in self-pity but wouldn't attack him either made him feel safer. "Thanks, Alfred."

The American snorted. "It's funny, I wouldn't have pictured myself having this conversation when we were in high school."

Alfred was right, they couldn't stand seeing each other back then, they only grew closer by the end of the last school year. "Me neither."

The American embraced him tightly. "It's nice to have you as my friend, Ivan. I really appreciate you and if you need anything, you can always ask me, ok?"

Ivan returned the embrace. "Thanks, you can count on me too, Fredka."

Alfred jerked back and shook him a bit, talking excitedly. "Oh, I almost forgot, guess whose house almost catch fire two days ago?"

Ivan chuckled. "Was it Mr. Kirkland's again?"

Alfred rolled his eyes. "No, well yes but that's a current occurrence this one was new. Do you remember Yao?"

Ivan averted his gaze."I.. yes, I do."

Alfred took out his phone and started to scroll down in it. " His cousin was visiting, and the guy is a little enthusiastic with firecrackers, he almost burns the whole house."

Ivan didn't know what to say, but he didn't want to stay silent either, Alfred would get suspicious as always. "Oh"

The American looked up at him. "Hey, did you ever talk to him again?"

"What?"

Alfred tilted his head to the side. "You used to be so close. I supposed you would reach out to him after school"

Ivan shook his head quickly. "No, I didn't."

Alfred showed him his phone. "Perhaps you should, he looks just like he did when we were in high school. I told you, the guy must be a vampire or something, not a single wrinkle in all these years."

Alfred had taken a selfie with him, and the blonde was right, the Chinaman seemed not to age at all. He still had that serious expression in his face, those black locks of hair contained in the usual ponytail. He seemed to be displeased, maybe not happy to have the firefighters in his house.

Ivan chuckled. "It hasn't been that long Alfred."

The American glanced intently at the phone screen. "But still, he looks like he's twenty."

"Alfred, you do so too"

Alfred gave an undignified gasp. "Because I am still in my twenties, thank you very much. This confirms my suspicions."

"Alfred, he's not a vampire."

The conspiracy had been going around Alfred's head since he was a teenager, Ivan couldn't believe he still held into it.

Alfred shook his head, asserting. "No, he isn't, he might be an alien or a spy. Yes, I think the commies got him years before and this guy I saw it's just a replacement."

Ivan laughed lightly, Alfred had accused him of being a spy since he entered the school. It had become an internal joke after all these years. "Why would he be a spy?"

"I don't know dude, it's suspicious. One would think that you had something to do with it, Mr. Kuryakin."

They both laughed, Alfred took off his glasses and whipped away some tears. "But for real, I think you should talk to him."

Ivan frowned. "Why? we don't talk to each other anymore."

"Hey Ivan, did he do something to you?"

Here it was, Alfred's never-ending questioning."For the hundredth time Fredka, he didn't."

Alfred accused."Then why did you changed so much and stopped talking to him?"

The American's imagination was troubling when it came to this matter, Ivan couldn't convince him otherwise, not even after denying it for so long. He decided to give him a short reply. "Because I realized I spent too much time with him, and that wasn't very good."

Alfred shrugged, turning his attention back to the TV. "I admit, it was a bit strange, but I can't judge."

Ivan elbowed him lightly. "No you can't, Mr. I have a crush on Professor Kirkland."

Alfred seemed delighted, snickering his reply. "Hey, don't bother me with that, I got him to accept a dinner the last time he burnt his kitchen."

" Did you?"

Alfred beamed. "Yes, he was a douche about it, as he always is, but he begrudgingly accepted."

Ivan shook his head. "Fredka, you have a horrible taste in people. Why do you fix your attention in the bitter ones? You are so cheerful and bright."

"Says the one who dated me."

Now was Ivan's turn to gasp.

Alfred looked down and muttered. "You know, I kinda knew it wouldn't work out."

Ivan mirrored him. "Yes, me too." He chuckled. "We are idiots."

Alfred laid back on the couch. "Yeah, but don't take Tolys words to the heart. I admit, you are difficult to handle but you are not bad or undateable."

"Difficult?"

Alfred scratched his head. "Well, I never told you this, but you are so competitive, sometimes I would get super paranoid that you'd get bored of me."

"Alfred-"

The American interrupted."No, it wasn't your fault, it's just, you always work so hard and eventually get a promotion and I couldn't stop myself from feeling a bit jealous and also stuck."

Ivan knitted his eyebrows, glancing at Alfred's hands, they were always warm, yet, they've never been soft. He had worked since they were in the last high school year. "Alfred, you are the chief of the fire department."

Alfred nodded but spoke rapidly, fixing his gaze on the floor. "Yes but you are working in an embassy, speak four languages, that can be a bit too much for some of us. It's not bad because after all, it's you, but as a partner, sometimes I'd get the feeling that you were above me and that I wasn't enough. You also seemed distant, like I didn't need your constant validation so I didn't care too much about it, but perhaps Tolys did care about it, and that's why he said you had commitment issues."

That's was an unexpected insight. Ivan's words were coated with concern. "Alfred, why didn't you tell me any of this before?"

Alfred looked him in the eyes, clearly frustrated but also confident in his words. "Because it didn't seem like a big deal, and we were going through a rough patch back then, I didn't want to make it worse."

Ivan stared back for a while, unsure of what to say. "Alfred, I'm sorry-"

Alfred shook his head, his tone alarmed "No, don't apologize, those things weren't your fault, it was more of a self insecurity stuff."

Ivan hugged the American tightly. "Thank you, Alfred."

Alfred returned the embrace laughing. "You are too affectionate tonight, Vanya. Remember I have a date with Kirkland this week. Sorry, but the firefighter is taken."

Ivan paused, processing Alfred's words, then he burst out laughing.

He was glad to have Alfred around.

[managedmischiefs]

don’t leave me//spencer reid

600 follower celebration!! my first one shot in months because ive been so consumed with north. enjoy!!

also I didn’t edit this at all and worked on it for like five hours straight so excuse the mistakes plz and thx

genre: so much angst

pairing: spencer reid x female oc

warnings: drugs, withdrawal, overdose

word count: 5.2k

It isn’t hard to tell when something is wrong with Spencer. 

 Spencer is generally a sweet, patient, and quick-thinking person, especially at work. I joined the BAU when Elle Greenaway departed from the bureau and left a spot open for a profiler. Spencer didn’t seem to take well to the change in the team dynamic and it seemed like he shut down whenever I was around him. He didn’t talk to me much at all and when he did, it was strictly business. No banter about personal lives occurred between us like it did between Spencer and, well, the rest of the team. I chalked it up to an anxiety over change and I respected that. I gave him the time to warm up to me and thankfully, after a while, he seemed to take a liking to me.

Penelope Garcia is the queen of stirring up drama and once Spencer and I started to bond over our geeky tendencies, like using Doctor Who as a comfort show, and always searching for nerdy apparel in stores, she had no problem stirring the pot. To my understanding, she watched Spencer and I play cards together on the jet one day (on one of the rare days she came in the field with us) and then told Emily that we must be in love with each other. Emily told JJ, JJ told Morgan, Morgan told Hotch, and Hotch told Gideon. Suddenly the whole team became convinced that Spencer and I were madly in love and it only took about ten minutes.

    I would never admit it, not yet at least, but Penelope was dead on. Once Spencer and I talked more and spent time together outside of work, I fell hard and fast for him. He truly is unlike any other man in the world. He has no problem with staying at home for a night, in fact, he prefers it. He likes to open the windows when it’s raining to hear the noises of the water making contact with his fire escape. He wants to stay up with me until the middle of the night just so we can make sure we finish every Harry Potter movie on binge days. It’s hard not to fall in love with Spencer Reid. He makes it so easy. Of course, he’s oblivious and his brain is filled with thoughts of self-doubt and inferiority in the looks department, but I don’t need or want him to look like a model. He’s all I need.

 But one day, all of this stops. It wasn’t hard to tell that something was wrong with Spencer. It wasn’t a secret that a piece of Spencer’s soul was left in the grave he dug for himself under the watch of Tobias Hankle. It wasn’t a secret that Spencer struggled immensely upon returning home and having light withdrawal symptoms. I tried my best to help him, making trips to his apartment to bring him anything he might need while he was on his mandatory two weeks leave. But he would also give me an unconvincing smile and push me right out the door. He never let me spend more than five minutes inside his apartment. I never saw him sweat, or vomit, or shake, or yawn. I never saw his pupils dilate. 

 When he returns to work, a bit too soon for my liking, that’s when I start to notice the withdrawal symptoms. And for a little while, I’m okay with it. Withdrawal, although painful and torturous, is a step in the right direction. The drugs are making their way out of Spencer’s system and he is detoxing. I pay extra attention to him to ensure his safety, but nobody else on the team seems to give Spencer any care. They surely get pissed off when he snaps at them and sweats all over the case files and is far too nasty with possible witnesses. Nobody, besides me, gives his attitude any slack. But I continue to keep a close eye on him during the case.

 Keeping a close eye, however, reveals to me that Spencer’s withdrawal symptoms continuously disappear and then reappear during the three days we are away. I don’t need Spencer’s level of genius to figure out what is going on.

 My heart pounds against my chest when Spencer goes running of the jet the moment it touches down in DC. Not a single pair of eyes follow Spencer’s movements but my own. The others on the team just stand to pull their bags out of the overhead bins. They’re chatting about whether they should go out for drinks or to a restaurant for dinner but they’re not chatting about their friend who clearly has a problem. But I love Spencer more than anything and seeing him struggle makes me hurt inside. Once I retrieve my own carry on and go-bag, I drive straight to Spencer’s apartment. I ignore my fellow team members when they ask me if I want to join them for dinner. 

 “Spencer?” I knock on his front door and rock back and forth on my feet, waiting for some type of response from him. I saw his car outside and I know he’s here and if he doesn’t open the door within ten more seconds then I’m going to kick it down. 

 Thankfully, I don’t need to risk breaking the heel of my shoe today because the door swings open a second later. Spencer stands before me, looking the most disheveled I’ve ever seen him. His shirt is untucked, his pants are wrinkly, his hair is half curly from his excess sweating, and he isn’t even wearing socks or shoes. His long sleeve shirt makes my heart drop to my stomach.

 “Olive?” His voice cracks when he speaks. “What are you doing here?”

 “I’m here to-” I choke on the words I truly want to say and suddenly I’m pushing back tears. I try to swallow the lump in my throat and give him a smile. “I’m gonna make you dinner! The team is going out together but I’m in the mood to stay in after that horrible case.”

 “Uh,” Spencer glances behind him and then whips back to me, “I’m actually really tired and I just wanna sleep. So thanks for coming by-”

 My hands fly out when Spencer tries to close the door in my face. I’ve underestimated his strength up until now because I have to use all of my strength to keep him from pushing me out. But Spencer isn’t able to keep up his strength much longer and concedes, letting the door fly backward and unintentionally letting me inside. I drop my bags to the floor, eyes locking with Spencer’s and watching a fire light in them.

 “Spencer,” my voice is still far too weak for my liking, “I’m not leaving.”

 Spencer scoffs, slamming the door shut, just barely grazing my shoulder as it passes me. “Yeah, well, I want you to.”

 “I’m not leaving.”

 Spencer’s jaw tightens and his hands ball into fists at his side. He’s trying to stand tall and strong in front of me but he’s starting to crack by the millisecond. His chest heaves when he tries to choke back his tears and his eyelids start to flutter. If I wasn’t sure of the situation before I stepped inside, it surely has been confirmed right now. Spencer opens his mouth to speak and his chin trembles. “I want you to leave me alone.”

 “Absolutely not,” I step closer to him but he steps backward, not allowing me to diminish the distance between us. “Spencer, please. Let me help you.”

 His head drops, his shoulders caving in. “I don’t need help,” With his eyes on his feet and no longer on me, I take the opportunity to grab his arm. He tries to jerk away from me the second my fingertips brush the fabric of his shirt but I told him as tightly as I can. He whimpers in my hold and his crack start to get wider and wider. “Olive, please.” 

 “Just let me see, Spence,” I’m already begging and I’m already crying. “Let me see. Let me help. I’m here for you.”

 Spencer squeezes his eyes shut and turns his head away from me, his first tears dripping down his cheeks. He stops trying to escape my hold and just cries, his clothes clutched in his hands. It’s not an invitation whatsoever but I take it as one, rolling up Spencer’s sleeve past his elbow. The crook of his elbow is covered in track marks, some fading and some bright red and bloody. It takes every ounce of my energy not to break down right then and there as my worst fear comes true. But Spencer breaks down when his biggest secret is revealed, his knees giving out and his body tumbling to the floor. I follow him down, cradling him in my arms as he sobs into my chest. I shush him and stroke his hair, rocking him back and forth, like a child, to calm him down. 

 “It’s okay, Spencer, shh,” I coo, my fingertips coated in sweat as I coax my fingers through his knotty locks. “Everything is gonna be okay, my love. I’m here and I’m gonna help you.”

 “No.”

 “Yes. Spencer, look at me,” I don’t give him the option of where to bring his gaze to. I grab his cheeks and force his gaze up, his eyes bloodshot and his face soaking wet. “You can’t keep doing drugs. You’ll lose everything, you know that. You’ll lose your job, you’ll lose me, you’ll lose your life, you’ll-”

 “I’ll lose you?” He’s never sounded more like a child than he does now. He’s whimpering and whining and crying out and clinging to me as tight as he can. 

 I give the hardest answer yet and I feel my heart break in my chest. “Yes, Spencer, I’ll leave. I can’t-”

 Spencer starts to scramble to his knees, legs wobbling under his weight. “You can’t leave me. Please don’t leave me. I love you, Olive. Don’t leave.”

 I know it’s the drugs talking but it doesn’t make the confession hurt any less. The confession is what I’ve waited so damn long to hear. But it’s wrong right now. Admitting my love will do nothing but hurt both of us. Spencer isn’t in a good state of mind right now. He probably won’t even remember that he hastily confessed his love while trying to convince me not to leave him. I find myself forcing down tears yet again.

 “I won’t leave you if you get clean,” I brush back his hair again and this time, it slicks back with sweat. “You can’t keep living your life like this, shooting up in bathrooms and hiding from your friends. Get some help and get clean. I can’t sit back and watch you destroy your life, a life that you worked so damn hard to get.”

 Spencer collapses under his own weight, no longer able to sit up on his knees. He falls onto all fours, his head hanging between his shoulders and his tears falling onto the carpet. “I can’t do it. It’s so painful to stop. I need it to be happy. I need it to escape.”

 I smooth my hands over his shoulders and where other people would probably feel tensed up muscles, I feel relaxed muscles as Spencer melts into my embrace. “Then let me take you to the hospital. They can help make the detox less painful. They can give you medication and you can get counseling and I’ll be there for as long as I’m allowed to be.” 

 “No, none of that. Here. I wanna do it here.” Spencer lifts his head, sniffling and huffing through his tears. “I’ll do it alone. Please leave. I don’t want you to see me like this.”

 “Absolutely not,” I rise to my feet and lean down to help Spencer to his feet, baring all of his weight on my shoulders as we trudge towards his bedroom. “I’m not leaving you like this. I’m gonna call Hotch and get time off for both of us.”

 Spencer lets out his millionth whimper of the night when he falls onto the bed, immediately curling up on his side and squeezing his eyes shut. “Please. Go.”

 I kneel beside the bed, bringing my hand to his cheek and stroking his soft skin gently. The simple motion actually seems to calm him for a millisecond before he starts to shake, clearly being hit with an onslaught of chills from his inevitable fever. So I tug the blanket over his body and tuck him in, pressing my lips to his forehead. “I’m not gonna abandon you, Spencer. I’m gonna help you through this and you’re gonna return to your happier, drug-free self. You’ll feel better soon. I promise.”

 I stayed true to my promise. I didn’t leave Spencer alone for a single second while he suffered through withdrawal. I washed his vomit and sweat-soaked sheets. I wiped his tears and held him when he cried. I dragged him from room to room when he didn’t have the energy to carry his own weight. I cooked him food on the rare occasions that he was actually hungry. I whispered sweet nothings in his ear when he needed the reassurance that someone actually cares. I located his stash of needles and excess vials and threw them in the dumpster outside, not even wanting to risk leaving them in a trashcan in the apartment. There is no doubt in my mind that Spencer wouldn’t have gotten through this without me. I was harsh with him when he begged for ‘just one more hit’ and I held him when he woke up screaming in the middle of the night. There is no doubt in my mind that Spencer would have given in to his cravings and started this mess all over again.

 After two weeks, Spencer starts to get better. He is able to walk without assistance and he can eat two meals a day without throwing it up ten minutes later. It’s a relief and the sun finally starts to shine through the clouds that had been lingering for too long. He still needed at least another week off of work to work up his strength and catch up on sleep in order to not look like the living dead and Hotch starts to get suspicious of such an extended time off. I tell him not to ask and for some reason, he listens. Maybe he just knows and is glad that someone else dealt with Spencer at his lowest point. Yeah, that’s probably it. 

 After three weeks and a promising night where Spencer makes me dinner for the first time in weeks, we return to work. The team is happy to see us and they don’t question why we were both gone for so long. But I’m almost positive it’s the same reason that Hotch didn’t question the time off.

 I made sure to visit Spencer in his hotel room and I always, somehow, made sure that he was never in a room alone. One night of being alone could make him spiral and that is the last thing he needs. So if he was in a room alone then I would sneak out of mine and sleep with him. It seemed like he started to enjoy sleeping in the same bed as me, opting to cuddle me close to his chest instead of turning his back to me. His confession always seemed to echo in my mind when he would kiss my head or squeeze my waist but it was just the drugs talking. He didn’t mean it.

 One month clean and Spencer seemed to be doing amazing. He boasted about how he deleted his drug dealer’s number from his phone and how he would eat meals without me reminding him to and how he could be on his feet for more than twenty minutes without being winded and needing to sit. I don’t think I had ever felt so proud of a human being until I shoved all my pride onto Spencer. Sure, he didn’t necessarily want to get the help that I gave him, but he went along with it and it’s a joy to see him return to his old happy-go-lucky self. 

 But then the team gets called into a meeting. The phonecall wakes me up in the middle of the night and sends me rushing to get dressed in something other than pajamas, but I just wind up putting on new sweats. I rush out the door and to the vacant building, throwing my holster on my hip and riding the elevator up. I blurt out a load of apologies for y lateness as I stumble into the conference room and realize I’m the last two arrive.

 “Aww,” Morgan coos sarcastically as I sit down beside him, “it was so nice if you to get dressed up for us!”

 “I swear to god,” I hiss, but he knows I’m just teasing, “if you don’t shut up right now then I’ll-”

 “Okay,” Hotch shuts me up far too easily, standing at the front of the table with his arms crossed, “we’re all here. Let’s start.”

 “Is this a new case?” Emily wonders, eyes darting between Hotch and the table that is usually filled with case files.

 “No,” he sighs and looks down at his feet, and this is probably the most emotion I’ve ever seen from him before. “Tonight-”

 “Wait,” I sit up and glance around, suddenly alarmed, “We’re not all here. Spencer isn’t here.”

 Hotch holds his hands up to me in his second way of telling me to shut up. “I know that. He already knows what I’m about to tell you all.” This does absolutely nothing to erase the red flags in my mind. “I know we all struggled with our last case, and Gideon struggled the most, for obvious reasons. Tonight, Spencer went to his cabin to check on him. It turns out that Gideon had left a note for Spencer to say goodbye and he has sent in his resignation. He has officially left the BAU.”

 Okay, listen, I barely knew the man. I haven’t been on this team for too long and Gideon favored talking to Hotch and Spencer. He didn’t interact with me much at all, except to correct me, so I’m not too torn up about his departure. Yes, he just created a huge hole that needs to be filled but that’s not my main concern. Spencer is. He isn’t here and he just learned that the man who has been his father figure for years just abandoned him in the same way that his father did when he was a child. Nobody should be alone at a time like this, and Spencer especially shouldn’t. 

 JJ is the first to ask a question but I don’t even hear it. Hotch answers and Emily follows and then Penelope is squealing and Morgan shouts over everyone and it’s far too crazy. I just need to know that Spencer is okay. He is the only thing I care about. He made so much amazing progress and he absolutely can’t erase that.

 “I need to go.” I blurt out suddenly, standing from the round table and rushing out of the building. I call Spencer relentlessly and get no answer. I go straight to voicemail every time. I slam on my gas pedal.

 I don’t lock my car and I barely remember to close my door before I’m bounding up the stairs and to his apartment. I couldn’t care less about the other residents who are probably fast asleep by now. I bang on Spencer’s door, shouting his name once, twice, three times, and get nothing. I can hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears.

 “Spencer! Come on, open up!” I cry out, jiggling the handle and hoping it’s unlocked. “Please! Let me in!” The energy radiating from the apartment makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. 

 I take two steps back and breathe in a deep breath, preparing me for whatever could be on the other side of this stupid door. I’ll never be ready to see what I know is waiting for me. I lift my foot up and slam it against the door, the lock snapping and allowing the door to fly open. I burst inside, shouting Spencer’s name frantically as my eyes search desperately for his adorable curls and his soft cardigans. 

 It takes me no more than thirty seconds of frantic running to find Spencer. When I do, I wish desperately that I hadn’t.

 His body is slumped against the bathtub, head hanging backward and his mouth wide open. His shirt is off and a rubber band is still tied around his bicep. The bathroom wreaks of vomit and there’s a needle in the sink and a broken vial on the floor. He looks haunting similar to the crime scenes we observe every day.

 I drop to my knees in front of him and grab onto his cheeks, lifting his head up. “Spencer?” My sobs are uncontrollable as my thumbs stroke his freezing cold skin, searching for some sort of life. “Come on, baby,” I resist the urge to shake his head in my hands. “Spence, please, wake up!” 

 I wait for another second. I get nothing. No eyelids fluttering. No sniffles. No coughing. No vomiting. No screaming. No crying. Nothing. There’s nothing left.

 Working through my sobs, I reach into my backpack and fish out the little box I’m searching for. I set it aside momentarily and try to gather Spencer in my arms as best as I can, pushing and dragging him until he is laying on his back in the most comfortable way his lanky body will allow in the cramped bathroom. Gosh, if only Spencer was conscious. He would be freaking out about being on the bathroom floor.

 I pull out the nasal spray and administer the Narcan into Spencer’s nostril, tossing it aside and then rolling Spencer onto his side. I don’t dare to tear my eyes away from him, even as I fish my phone out of my backpack and call 911. I babble on about there being a federal agent down and how I’m a federal agent who administered a dose of Narcan and how someone needs to help Spencer now but it all seems like a foreign language to me. Nothing is right anymore. The operator tells me someone will be there soon and to stay on the line, so I set my phone down and lean closer to Spencer.

 “Spence?” I wait for a reaction. “Sweetheart, come on, don’t do this to me,” my tears fall onto the floor and create a puddle beside his hands. My trembling hand reaches out to push his hair back, admiring the way his locks curl around my fingers. I admire the way for eyelashes cast shadows on his cheeks and how beautiful his lips look. I wish I kissed him when I had the chance. Now I might never get the chance to be with him. The thought makes me cry harder and I double over in agony, crying out for the love that I will never get to have and for the life I will never get to live. I should have told him I loved him when he said it first. How could I be so stupid?

 I have no recollection of the paramedics arriving. Being pulled away, kicking and screaming Spencer’s name, is a complete blur of smeared lines and flashes of light. I do what I can to erase the image of Spencer being carried out on a stretcher, his rubberbanded arm dangling off the side, and into an ambulance. I clutch Spencer’s hand and shut out the words of the paramedics as the ambulance speeds to the hospital. I barely even recall being plopped in a waiting room and being told to await further instructions.

 I slide down the wall and tuck my head between my knees, hoping that being bent over will minimize the volume of my cries. But it doesn’t and sobs take over my body, leaving me shaking and quivering. If Spencer were with me, he would hold my hand and quietly tell me how many germs are on this floor and statistics on how easy it is to catch and infection in a hospital. He would talk to distract me from the horrible situation going down. But he’s not here and I’m alone and there’s nothing I can do to help.

 “Olive?” I ignore Hotch’s voice when I hear it. I pay no attention to his softer than usual tone and I don’t dignify his presence by acknowledging it. I keep my head down and clutched between my knees and try to quiet my cries. Hotch crouches down beside me and tells me how he was notified of the situation and how the team is on the way but I ignore him. He never cared about Spencer before so why should he now?

 True to his word, the rest of the team has arrived at the hospital within ten minutes. They form a circle in front of me and bounce around questions about what happened. Is he alive? How much did he take? What did he take? Where is he now? They never address me directly and just keep shooting questions around and receive no answers. It’s exhausting to listen to. I’m exhausted.

 “Hey, Olive?” Penelope crunches next to me in the same way Hotch did, placing her hand on my shoulder. I shake it off. She pauses before speaking again. “Could you tell us what happened?”

 For the first time, I lift my head. Everyone is in their pajamas and looking just a little less distressed than me. I’m sure I look horrendous. I surely feel horrendous. I’ve never felt worse in my life. I’ve never loved a person so much just to have them ripped out of my life. If Spencer doesn’t recover from this, I know I never will.

 “He,” I lift my hands to wipe my cheeks but stop mid-air, wondering just how many germs are on my skin, “overdosed. To my knowledge, he’s been clean for a month and-and-” my lips quiver again, “I guess Gideon leaving was too much for him to handle. He thought he needed drugs to make him feel better.”

 JJ leans into Emily’s side, silent tears streaming down her cheeks. “Why didn’t he just call one of us instead of going straight to drugs? We all would have dropped what we were doing and gone to help him.”

 The absolutely idiotic statement sets me on fire. I clamber to my feet, sadness replaced with anger within a millisecond. “Really? Would you have?”

 JJ furrows her eyebrows and looks to the team for more support. “Of course. Spencer is one of my best friends.”

 “We all would have helped him,” Morgan adds.

 “Oh, really?” I sneer at them. “Were you there to help him last month when he was detoxing? Did any of you come to see why Spencer and I took three weeks off from work without warning? No! None of you texted or called or visited like real friends do. Did you even care that he obviously had a drug problem? Did any of you notice?”

 Emily scoffs at the accusation, her anger starting to rise to mine. “Of course we did! I even asked him about it once and-”

 “Once!” I let out the most sarcastic laugh that has ever dripped from my lips. Sleeping patients be damned, I will let out my anger at these inferior ‘friends’ and tell them the truth they need to hear. “You asked him once? Well, I spent three weeks living at his apartment, cooking, cleaning, holding him, reassuring him that he would be okay. And all you did was ask him about it once?” The realization is starting to set in on their faces that maybe this issue is bigger than they thought. “He needed real help and support from his friends, and yeah, he had me but he would have done a lot better if he had all of his closest friends supporting him.” They all fall silent, as they should. They stare at me and each other and everyone cries over their friend who they should have helped.

 “Olive,” Hotch murmurs, “when you gave him the Narcan, did he wake up?”

 This prompts more tears. “No.”

 “Spencer Reid?”

 I whip around as fast as I can at the sound of a doctor approaching, leaving the team in the dust to approach him. “Hi, yeah, I’m here for Spencer Reid. I’m his emergency contact.”

 The doctor smiles at me and he waves me along, leading me away from the blabbering BAU and towards a room. “So,” the doctor says, “he’s extremely lucky. You administered the Narcan just in time. A few more minutes and Mr. Reid probably wouldn’t have made it.” I barely pay attention to the looming fear of Spencer’s death. If I hadn’t gone running out of the team meeting, Spencer would have died. “We’ve given him the proper medication, he’s in this room, and he should be waking up soon. When he’s feeling better, we can talk about proper treatment and recovery for Mr. Reid.”

 I thought that maybe I cried all the tears my body could handle but that is proven wrong. He’s going to be okay. Going through detox again will be hell but now he can get professional help. He’s going to be okay.

 I step into Spencer’s room. The sight of him lying in the bed is reminiscent of him lying on the bathroom floor and it makes my head pounds and my heart break. His elbow is bandaged up so his track marks are hidden and his hair is a matted down mess. But even lying there, helpless and in pain, he still looks like the man I fell in love with. The man who learned to braid hair and actually drove a car a few times and went shopping with me just to make me happy. He’s a shell of the man I love but he’s there and I know we will meet again soon.

 Spencer starts to stir a moment later, tossing his head side to side gently. I creep over and slide my hand in his, squeezing softly. He hasn’t opened his eyes yet but there are tears streaming down his cheeks, soaking the top hem of his hospital gown. His hand tightens around mine and suddenly, my cheeks match his.

 “Hi, sweetheart,” I breathe out, bringing our hands up to my lips and pressing a kiss to his knuckles, “you’re okay. Everything is gonna be okay.”

 Spencer lets out a high pitched moan, his head rolling over to face me. “I’m sorry,” he slurs out. “I didn’t mean to.”

 “I know you didn’t mean it, Spence. I’m not mad. Just relax. I’ll be right here,” without letting go of his hand, I reach over and push a chair against the side of the bed. “Get some rest.”

 “You won’t leave me?”

 “No, Spence. I’m never gonna leave you.” 

[thewildomega]

Star in the Sand Ch.13

Growling under your breath you thump your head back against the side of the building, the lewd noises from inside only fueling your anger. "Fifteen minutes my ass." you grumbled under your breath. "And how much for you doll?"

Snapping your eyes open you looked towards the man standing in front of you with a disgusting smirk on his face. Before you had time to even answer his question or tell him to fuck off his hand was touching your inner thigh, trying to push under your dress. Slapping him you grit your teeth. "I am not for sale." you snarled. Having enough of this shit you grabbed your bag and stomped off down the busy street. It had not been a good day, Crocodile had been gone since last night, telling you he and the majority of the crew had a big heist they had to do on the other side of the island. Leaving you in the care of some of the lesser crew he had asked you to stay by Horx. Horx, a newer crew member who up until this point had seemed like an alright guy, that was until this afternoon. After following you around all day he had begun to get a little restless. Not that you blamed the guy, he was spending his downtime having to babysit you, you would be mad too, especially if the woman was as cranky as you. In your difference you didn't like having to be babysat. So stupidly you had asked him if there was anywhere he would like to go. Foolishly you had thought he may ask to go to a bar or a weapon shop but no, he had wanted to go to a brothel. OF ALL FUCKING PLACES! You should have known, really you should have. Being promised that it would only be fifteen minutes tops you had agreed and reluctantly took a seat outside of the establishment while he did his thing but after two damn hours you had lost it. It as nearing dark and all that seemed to be about now were the rougher folk. Sighing you continued walking, looking over this and that. There were plenty of shops and such but you still felt off about spending money that Crocodile gave you on anything other than food. Even then the food you did buy was not the fancy type. What you needed was a way to make some money and blow off some steam. Biting your bottom lip you looked around until you caught sight of a bar with a sign overhead reading 'Pool hall' Humming you grinned, that you could work with.

..................................

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LOST HER!?" he roared making the man in front of him shake in terror. "Well I... She..." Waving his hand through the air he sent the man flying with a wall of sand before he was heading out in search of her... again. He was beginning to think he would be better off locking her in their room while he was gone. It was the middle of the night where the hell would she be? The plan had been to leave tomorrow but there had been a bit of a problem in the heist and they now had to leave tonight. Telling Daz and Hex to find the rest of the crew and get them back on ship and ready to leave he went in search of his woman. "Hahaha... that doe got you good!" "Shut it!" "And you thought she was just a pretty face. Haha, girl hustled you!" Narrowing his eyes at the men's conversation he looked towards them and saw them coming from the direction of the bar. Walking that way he saw the older man looking to be closing up for the night, "Rather early to be calling it a night, is it not?" he asked. Huffing he clicked the lock on the door and turned to look towards the man, having to crane his neck to meet his eyes. "Yea well ain't got any business since that woman went and took everyone's money." "Oh?" "Some broad from outta town.. came in and managed to hustle all of my regulars out of all their money." he told the man. Humming he raised a brow, "She sounds rather interesting, would have enjoyed a game with her myself." Huffing he pocketed his keys and pointed left, "Yeah well I am sure she would be more than happy to drain you dry, she went that way, got hair as red as fire, ya can't miss her. Best luck to ya son." Having to hold in his chuckle at the irony when the man said something about her draining him dry he nodded his head and went the way he said. Following the trail he saw most of the other places shutting down for the night as well, only a few other bars and restaurants left open. As the village came to an end he still hadn't found her and he doubted she had went into any of the other places. Glancing up at the sky he saw the moon was full and the stars shining brightly, although there were storm clouds a ways away. He would need to find her, listening he heard the sound of a waterfall and grinned, his would bet money that's where his little star was. Getting to the hidden spring he looked out and saw her bag sitting by a large bolder but he didn't see her. Furrowing his brows he walked over to it, noticing her sundress and a bottle of whiskey there as well. Snapping his eyes up he looked along the rocky shore for her, about to call her name before he looked out to the water. Slowly walking over to water's edge he stared at her, captivated by the way the moonlight shone over her skin. She was standing there, the water coming up to her waist with her back to him. Her wet hair flowed down her back and he couldn't help but swallow at the knowledge that she was in nothing but her underwear. An idea was floating around in his head but he was hesitant. Tilting his jaw he looked again towards the woman, his woman and felt his heart thump in his chest. The hell with it. Kicking off his shoes and pulling off his socks he quickly undressed, leaving on nothing but his pants. Unzipping her bag he moved to put his hook inside and felt his brows raise when he saw the money and treasure inside. She really had hustle those men out of their money. Dropping it inside he zipped it back shut and quietly made his way out to the water's edge. Looking out he saw her still standing here, looking up at the night sky. He could hear a light singing from her, drawing him to her. Staring up at the stars in contentment, you skimmed your hands across the surface of the water. The only other sound coming from the waterfall a little ways away as you sang. "Upon one summer's morning I carefully did stray Down by the walls of wapping Where I met a sailor gay Conversing with a young lass Who seem'd to be in pain Saying, William, when you go I fear you'll ne'er return again My heart is pierced by Cupid I disdain all the glittering gold There is nothing can console me But my jolly sailor bold His hair it hangs in ringlet His eyes as black as coal My happiness attend him Where ever he may go..." Feeling little ripples hit against your back you felt the corners of your lips tug upwards. "Don't even think about it." Dropping his shoulders he lowered his brows, slightly disappointed he couldn't sneak up on her. Wrapping his left arm around her body he pulled her back flush to his chest and lifted her chin with his hand. Craning your neck to look up into his eyes you gave him a soft smile. "Well look at you being all brave and coming into the water." you giggled. Huffing he rolled his eyes but grinned. "Perhaps you are to blame, a beautiful siren luring this innocent sailor into the water to drown him." Giggling you looked up at him. "I'd say you were a far cry from an innocent sailor." Chuckling deeply he stroked her cheek with his thumb as he leaned down to kiss her, smelling the alcohol on her. Pulling away he looked into her soft eyes and rose his chin a bit, "You disobeyed me..." Groaning you moved out of his arms and started walking out to the deeper water. "As you can see nothing happened to me..." Following after her he watched the water start rising up her body. "This time. I asked you to stay by Horx and you didn't." "Well I  didn't exactly want to sit outside of the brothel all day." you grunted, going under the water before he could grab you. Sighing as she went under the water he stood now chest deep in the water, trying to figure out where she was. Feeling a splash he stiffened as the right side of his face and hair was soaked with water. Snapping his eyes that way he just did see her go under again. Narrowing his eyes he looked all around but didn't see her, just how long could she hold her breath? "Y/n..." Turning around in a circle he was again hit by a large splash of water. Growling he wiped the water from his face, pushing his now wet hair back. Looking in front of him he saw her there. Only her eyes and the top of her head was above the water's surface and he narrowed his eyes at the mischief in them. Lifting his finger he curled it, beckoning her to him but she quickly shook her head. Slowly walking towards her he quickly realized that the water was over her head, it coming up to the top of his chest. She didn't try to swim away as he neared her, perhaps she was giving in to him. Reaching out to pull her to him, he went to give a victorious smirk when she spit a mouthful of water in his face.

Laughing for a moment you wiggled your arms and legs to keep you afloat but when you were suddenly yanked into his massive body and looked up to see two angry eyes glaring down at you you stiffened, your laughter leaving you. "You think that's funny, how old are you?" Growling, he glared down at her, water dripping from his brow. When he saw those two sea blue eyes looking up at him with a mixture of fear and hurt in them he froze, realization coming over him. Before he could say anything she dropped her eyes and apologized to him in a soft whisper. Easily moving out of his hold you moved back to the shore, feeling a knot in your chest. Stupid! Childish! Idiot! He didn't want to play with you! You knew he didn't like water. You ruin everything... Biting your lip to keep it from trembling you felt the bottom and started walking towards your clothes. Fucking moron! She was trying to play with you... you know like normal couples did! Watching her swim towards the shore he felt a clenching in his chest, she didn't look back at him as she walked up the shore and towards their clothes. Glancing down to her black panty clad ass he felt only a small spark of arousal but it was quickly overrun by guilt. He had upset her, the slight curl of her shoulders telling him as much. Slowly moving towards the shore he watched as she pulled on her sundress. "Y/n..."

Pulling your wet hair out of the neckline of the dress you swallowed hard and brushed away the single tear that fell from your eye. "I'm sorry... it won't happen again." you said without looking back at him, not wanting to embarrass yourself more than you already had. Closing your eyes and taking a breath you grabbed his clothes and turned back towards him, holding them out for him to take but keeping your eyes down as shame ate at you.

Looking down he reached out for his clothes but furrowed his brows, "You do not want to swim anymore?" he asked even though he already knew the answer, he had ruined any chance of her happiness tonight.

Shaking your head you licked your lips and went to answer but a loud rumble of thunder startled you. Looking up at the sky you saw a storm coming and then felt Crocodile take his clothing from your hands.

It got here faster than he thought it would, it was true what they said about weather in the New World. Pulling on his shirt and vest he reached for his hook, feeling something he looked down and saw y/n making quick work of buttoning his shirt and vest for him, although her eyes still wouldn't lift to his. A close strike of lightning made him shove his feet in his shoes, y/n grabbing his socks and scarf to shove in her bag.

Holding out his coat for him you felt sheets of rain start pouring down on the both of you. Your shoulders curled inward on their own, the rain cold and sharp on your bare shoulders and arms.

Wrapping his coat around her he grabbed her bag with his hook and her hand with his before pulling her towards the docks.

Getting back to the ship Crocodile quickly told you to go inside the cabin while he went about giving orders to set sail. After everything that had just happened you had obeyed without question, not wanting to anger him anymore than you already had. Placing your bag on the floor you hung up his wet coat to dry before grabbing your pajamas and heading to the bathroom to change. Once you were in bed you stared at the wall, thinking about what had happened at the spring. You had been such an idiot, just because you saw couples do that in movies didn't mean it would be okay in real life... especially not when your other half hated water. Besides that Crocodile was a serious man, he wouldn't want to play with you. Feeling like a fool you sighed heavily, curling up in a ball you closed your eyes.  

.........................................

Waking up with a start you panted for air, your heart hammering against your ribs. Thunder boomed outside in the distance, the ship rocked a bit more than normal as the storm created waves that crashed against the ship. Staring up at the darkness and then over to where you knew Crocodile slept beside you you listened to his deep breathing, trying to match your own to it. When a flash of lightning filled the room with a quick light you screamed when you saw it wasn't him laying beside you but Don, a pair of scissors impaled in his chest.

"Hey there sugar.."

Snapping your eyes open for real this time you trembled, it felt like you couldn't get enough air. You needed to get away. Crawling down the bed you almost stumbled over the covers that were wrapped around your legs. Moving towards the door you were caught off guard by something gabbing your wrist. Gasping you swung your other hand through the air, your fight or flight kicking in. Y/n?" he said in a deep voice laced with sleep when he felt a movement and then heard someone walking across the room. Pushing himself up from bed he looked out and saw the shadow of her going towards the door. Calling out for her again she didn't stop and he knew she was in that daze like he had seen her in before. Moving after her he reached out and grabbed her wrist but felt her tense, felt her body move. The sudden light from the lightning in the distance filled the room with a light for just a second, showing her closed fist coming towards him. Quickly catching her hand as she made to hit him he quickly wrapped his left arm around her small body and pulled her flush to his chest. "Y/n!" he said in a deep voice. Snapping out of your mind, your breath caught in your throat. Your right hand was held in his while his left arm was wrapped around you, holding you tightly to his chest. Looking up at him in shock, a strike of lightning showing his silver eyes looking down at you in concern. Your heart was still pounding, your breathing erratic and your body trembling. "C..croc...", your lips and throat incredibly dry, making your voice come out as a cracking whisper. Hearing how broken she sounded he furrowed his brows. He could feel her tiny body trembling, feel her heartbeat against his own chest. Crouching down he moved his arm under her bottom and lifted her up to carry her back to their bed. Being that the bed was in the corner of the room and he slept on the outside endge it meant that whenever she went to get up he knew. Stiffening you looked to the door and opened your mouth, "I... outside..sssoo...You...sleep.." "No." "... " "I will not allow you to deal with these fears on your own." Sitting on the bed he moved the pillow and laid down, moving her so she laid curled up in his side, their bodies still close. Pulling the duvet over them he moved his hand to her hip and started rubbing up and down her side. "What happened?" he asked, his voice low. When she didn't answer right away he dipped his chin, "Y/n." he said, his voice deep. Closing your eyes you nuzzled you face into his chest, desperate for his comfort. "You were him, Don." Gritting his teeth he continued moving his hand, up and down her side, feeling her silk nightshirt under his fingers. "He's not here darling, only me. No one is going to hurt you my little star." he told her in a deep, low voice. Bending down he kissed her head, feeling her burrow herself deeper into his chest and her fingers grip at his side. He could feel her still shaking as her past terrorized her, she was not going to be able to just drift back to sleep. He knew she would normally go outside, sit alone with her dreams plaguing her until she was so exhausted she could finally go back to sleep, either that or it was morning. It was no surprise that she was lacking sleep after some rather rough nights when he had been living with her. What she needed was a distraction. Rubbing his hand down to her hip he pushed his fingers under her night shirt, slowly rubbing his hand up the smooth skin of her back. When you felt his warm hand rub your bare back you sucked in a breath. He went slow, his hand never once rounding to touch your breast. Having snapped your eyes open when he first touched you you slowly felt them close again, your breathing evening out. His left arm was still wrapped around your body, holding you to him and making you feel safe. Focusing on his hand and the sound of his heartbeat you sighed. It took a little while but soon enough he felt her body relax into his, felt her deep breaths fan out over his chest. Adjusting himself a little to get comfortable he used his sand to move one of the pillows against the wall on her side of the bed behind her back, keeping her close to him. Kissing the top of her head he let his hand come to a stop between her shoulder blades and thought back at what happened earlier tonight.

He had screwed up, horribly. She had been happy, laughing and attempting to enjoy their time alone off ship. To simply play with him. But what does he do, he scolds her for it, ridiculous her for not acting her age, for not being some stick in the mud like him. Fucking idiot! While no he didn't care for water and he was rather irritated by everything else that was no reason to loose his temper with her. The look in her eyes, he had watched the joy fade from them when he snapped at her. He had discovered that his y/n was quick to discourage when it came to him. He didn't quite know why yet but she took all of his reactions to heart. Just the other day he had carelessly mentioned that he didn't much care for the rose scented soap she had picked out, the next time he went into the bathroom he saw it gone. A song she listened to on occasion that he found annoying, never to be heard again. Now it worried him that he he may have ruined any chance of her attempting to play with him in the future. The idea of playing around with someone had never crossed his mind before now. Before Y/n all of his relationships had been strictly business, they were simply there for his entertainment which consisted of nothing but sex or to accompany him to an event. Now though he wanted more, he wanted a real relationship with her, one that included all of those things he had previously thought childish and pointless. His y/n was a kind hearted woman who loved to smile and enjoy life itself. It was those characteristics that he loved about her and he would not deprive her of those things. No, for her and only her he would learn to let go. Kissing the top of her head in a silent promise to do better, he closed his eyes and joined her in sleep.

...................................

"Come on Daz please?" you asked, giving the ever serious man your best puppy dog eyes.

"No." he answered.

"Why not?"

"Because I intend to keep my head attached to my body as long as possible and if you so much as get a scratch on you he will show no mercy to the person responsible."

Letting out a long sigh you dropped your cheek to your palm and looked out over the deck.

"You could ask him to teach you, he does know how." Daz suggested, adjusting the fishing rod he was holding.

Biting your lip you looked down.

Glancing her way he saw the woman had her brows furrowed, "Are you afraid of him?" he asked.

Snapping your eyes up you quickly shook your head, "No, NO of course not it's just... well I just don't want to bother him or seem needy."

Humming he looked back out to the sea, "Crocodile is a difficult man and very set in his ways but I can assure you that you will never seem needy to him. He is your soulmate, he will do anything in his power to make you happy or give you whatever you desire."

Thinking on Daz's words for a moment you took a deep breath before nodded, "Thank you Daz." Seeing him nod you stood from the railing and headed up to you and Crocodile's shared room. Opening the door you saw him sitting at his desk looking over the paper. Smoke floated above him, he was smoking, that means he was relaxing, maybe you should come back later...

"Something bothering you darling?" he asked, his voice low and deep.

Licking your lips you moved over to him, rounding the desk and watching as his eyes drifted to you, "I want to talk to you about something."

She was nervous, he could hear it in her voice. Seeing her look down he dropped the paper to the desk and used his sand to bring her closer to him. As soon as she was in arm's reach he wrapped his arm around her and lifted her up and over the arm of his chair, sitting her in his lap.

Being sat in his lap you felt your neck and face heat up, you had never sat in his lap before. Feeling him gently adjust your legs with his hook to lay them over his lap before resting the arm on your thighs, you looked up to him, noticing how even sitting in his lap you were still not eye level with him. He looked calm, the cigar hanging lazily from his lips and his silver eyes staring down at you fondly.

"What is it you would like to talk about dear." He asked, enjoying the closeness. Since the incident at the spring she hadn't made a move to touch him, his previous thoughts correct. That had been three days ago and he was feeling rather touch starved, their intimacy to begin with nothing more than light kissing and touching.

Thinking about how to ask you finally decided to make it quick, like a band-aid. "I want to learn how to fight... I want you to teach me how to protect myself and be useful. I don't want to be a liability or some damsel in distress for you and the rest of the crew to have to worry about."

Out of everything she could have wanted to talk about that had not been what he was expecting. Laying his head back against the chair he took a long drag from his cigar and twirled her hair around his finger. "You have been thinking this over for some time." he stated. When she nodded he hummed, it would help ease his worry if he knew she could better protect herself if he wasn't there. "Alright..." he said and saw her smile, "On two conditions..." he added and saw her look to him.Removing his cigar he placed it in the ashtray. "One, You will obey me, if I say that's enough or I tell you to do something you do it. I will not have you getting hurt or putting yourself in danger do you understand me?" he asked and saw her nod. "Words darling."

Sighing you looked up into his eyes, "Yes Captain." you said in a sweet, innocent voice.

Narrowing his eyes he felt a warmth settle in his lower abdomen but said nothing. "Two, you will not hold anything against me, I can promise you I will not be the kindest teacher but I do not want you thinking ill of me."

Grinning you leaned against him, laying your head on his chest and looking up at him, "I promise I will still cuddle up to you at night and let you rub out any soreness you cause." you said.

Chuckling at her returning playfulness he wrapped his arm around her and stroked her cheek with his knuckles. "Three.."

"You said two..."

"I'm adding another, pros to being the captain...You will allow me to take you out on a date when we arrive at the next island." he said, his voice deeper than it was before.

Smiling you looked into his eyes and nodded, "Deal." you said before you pushed your lips to his.

Shocked that she had kissed him and not the other way around as it normally was it took him a few seconds to process the situation. Once he had he closed his eyes and held the side of her face in his hand as he kissed her back. Pushing his left arm up to her hip he pulled her a little closer to him, turning her to face him a bit more so he could better touch her with his hand. At first they did nothing but pepper each other with small pecks but after a minute he dipped his head more and slowly attempted to deepen their kiss. Gently pulling down on her chin with his thumb he flicked his tongue out to tease her bottom lip, silently asking permission. She seemed hesitant at first and he was about to pull away when he felt her lips part, granting him the access he so desired. Keeping his pace slow so he wouldn't overwhelm her he rolled his tongue into her mouth. It took everything he had not to plunge his tongue straight down her throat but he kept a gentle approach the only sign of his primal needs being the deep growl that left his throat when he finally tasted her.

It came as no surprise to you that his tongue would be huge like the rest of him. In no time at all the hot muscle was filling the entirety of your mouth and he had you clinging to him like he was the only thing holding you from floating away. His arms held you tightly to him with your head resting in the nook of his right arm and his heavy hook against your right hip, moving under you to tilt you towards him and soon you are melting into him. He tasted like cigar smoke and whiskey but you didn't mind because it was just...perfectly him.

There wasn't any part of her mouth he left unexplored, making a mental map to be remembered forever he groaned at the sweet taste of honey from her tea. Flicking her tongue with his he gave her the encouragement she needed to join him, telling her it was okay. He knew she was nervous but she didn't have to be he would teach her how to kiss just as well as he would to use a sword. As soon as her tongue began dancing with his own he hummed in approval, felt her hands grip his shirt at the sleeve and chest. There would no doubt be wrinkles but he couldn't give a damn. As soon as he started to feel his pants become a little uncomfortable there was a knock at the door.

"Hey Capt'n somethin' weird is goin' on with the log pose..."

A deep growl left his throat before he pulled away and let you breath. Your lungs were thankful to have the much needed air but your lips missed his. Still though his arms held you tightly.

"I am going to kill the lot of them." he growled and heard her giggle.

"Be nice."

Grunting he looked down at her and grinned at the sight of her slightly red lips, he wondered how they would look once he really got a hold of them. Brushing back her hair he kissed her temple, "Why don't you go ahead and take a shower and I will go deal with those idiots."

"Mmm-kay."

Kissing her one last time he stood and sat her on her feet. Watching her walk away he dropped his eyes to her ass and felt his cock give another twitch. Gritting his teeth he downed the rest of his drink and headed out to see what was going on with the log pose.

..........................

Hearing the bathroom door open you looked over and saw Crocodile walking out, finished with his own shower. He was wearing nothing but his green silk sleeping pants. Peeking up over the top of your phone at him you swallowed hard at the sight of his bare chest and back. With all of the layers he wore it was hard to tell sometimes how built his body was. Feeling the unfamilar warmth between your thighs you quickly snapped your eyes back down before he could catch you checking him out.

Tossing the towel to the chair he turned off the oil lamp, leaving the room in the dim light of the candle on the dresser. Looking towards the little woman lounged back on the large bed he grinned at the sight of her smooth legs, clad in one of his old dress shirts and her black panties he was more than pleased at the amount of skin he was able to see. While he had seen her nude already it had only been for a second and when her body had been covered in blood, bruises and welts, it was a sight he never wanted to see again. Crawling onto the bed he laid beside her, curling his arm around her and pulling her up into hsi side. Looking down at the screen of her phone he rose a brow at the words on covering the screen. "What are you doing little star?" he asked.

"Reading." you answered simply.

Humming he caresed her arm, "What are you reading?"

"The Outlander series, I had forgot I downloaded them onto my phone until I was looking through it the other day and found them. Kinda sucks though because there I only have eight of them and I know she planned for ten so I won't know the ending." you told him then shrugged, "I'll just make up my own ending." you smiled.

Twirling her hair around his finger he closed his eyes. "What are they about?"

"This 20th-century British nurse Claire Randall, who time travels to 18th-century Scotland and finds adventure and romance with the Highland warrior Jamie Fraser." you told him, blushing a bit. "It's pretty good so far, different than the other books I have read. Honestly the only reason I downloaded them to begin with is because the woman at the bookstore back in my town told me I should give it a try and wouldn't keep pestering me about it every time I went in there."

"What makes it so different from the other books you read?"

Licking your lips you bit your lip, "Um well it's..." feeling your face and neck heat up you felt him shift some and knew he was looking down at you.

Cracking one eye open he saw a blush about her cheeks and smirked. "Are you reading a steamy book darling?" he asked.

"No...No. I..maybe. There might be a few heated moments..." you said.

Oh this was entertaining... "Let me see." he said, moving to take the phone from her.

"NO!" you said, hiding the phone from him. Feeling him try and grab it still you rolled over and hold it under you.

Grinning he followed after her, enjoying how flustered she was becoming. Pushing his hand under her he tried to wiggle the phone out of her grip. "Come now sweetheart, your Captain is giving you a order..."

"The Captain can kiss my butt." you grumbled.

Laughing he wrapped his arm around her, "I can assure you I have no issues with that." he told her and saw her cheeks heat up even more. Wrapping his leg around hers he managed to grab the phone from her and held her still as he started reading over the words. Not seeing anything interesting at first he kept scrolling until he got to the good stuff.

"You're mine, mo duinne," he said softly, pressing himself into my depths. "Mine alone, now and forever. Mine, whether ye will it or no." I pulled against his grip, and sucked in my breath with a faint "ah" as he pressed even deeper. "Aye, I mean to use ye hard, my Sassenach," he whispered. "I want to own you, to possess you, body and soul."

He felt his own cheeks heat up a bit at the words, even though there were a few he didn't understand. When he felt a slight pain in his arm he looked down and saw her biting him. Chuckling he placed the phone down and nuzzled his nose into her neck, "Naughty girl." he teased and heard her groan in embarrassment. "I am only teasing you my little star." he told her, brushing back her hair and placing a kiss to her jaw.

Relaxing into his body you wrapped your arms around his left one and felt his right hand rub up and down your bare thigh, the heat from his hand warming your whole body. That warming between your legs was back, making you close your eyes. "Croc..." you said softly and heard his deep hum, felt it along your back. "Thank you for.. for waiting, for being patient, I know it's not fair to you but I..."

"What was it I told you before?" he asked, cutting her off. When she said nothing he hummed, "I told you I would help you heal slowly... that means that we will not rush things, that I will not rush you." Moving up to her hip he gave a light squeeze and closed his eyes as his manhood hardened, "I want you y/n, I want to make you mine but not until you are ready because I will not enjoy it unless you do as well." Taking a deep breath he used his sand to put out the flame on the candle and pulled the duvet over the both of them, moving his hand to wrap around her middle he kissed the crown of her head. "Goodnight starlight."

"Goodnight." you whispered, turning your head to kiss his arm.