#I want to eat you my love
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I don't like this place. It's turning everyone edgy and sad.
FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT
MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)
#undertale#deltarune#crossover#utdr#crossover comic#twin runes comic#twin runes au#my art#art#susie deltarune#chara#this will ignite the “chara did nothing wrong” vs “chara is a murder hobo” debate I just know it#fact is they gave up everything for their plan to succeed and asriel blew it#HOWEVER they were also forced to watch asriel die and they could do nothing about it#so what does a dead child do for who knows how many years all alone with no one else to talk to?#they rethink everthying that went wrong#guilt is a weird thing that lingers and festers in your mind#no matter how much you're actually at fault#I mean come on... they were an abused kid#all they wanted was to not hurt anymore and return the love they were given no matter the cost#but now they are CONVINCED it was their plan that kickstarted this whole mess#and it's eating at them#you can see it because they actually used contractions for once#i love subtle stuff like that#also hey#susie's feeling remorse for her whole “chara offed asriel” comment#the two are more alike than she thought and now she feels bad#out of all people she should know what it's like to be falsely accused
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i love you royal trio (minus akechi)
#i was listening to the world we knew by frank sinatra while drawing this to inflict maximum emotional damage 😔#royal actually shot me fifty times in the chest and slaughtered my entire family#i’m actually inconsolable over the ending what the fuck do you mean akechi chooses to die of his own volition rather than be manipulated#god it’s just. his character actually makes me violent and insane. they’re going to drag me kicking and screaming to the psych ward#he never had an ounce of control over his life. not even once. he was CONSTANTLY being yanked around like a marionette#until he was disposed of as another pawn in shido’s plan#and then out of some cruel irony he was resurrected even though he did not want to be alive#for once in death he would have found peace—only for that to be taken from him too.#and bc he thinks he’s worthless and his life is so easily gambled away he doesn’t view it as a major dealbreaker when maruki brings it up#“do you really think something as trivial as my life should stand in the way of your decision?” yes you fucking asshole#what do you mean he’s literally fated to die in every timeline? definition of doomed by the narrative#there’s not a single version of his story that doesn’t end with him being slaughtered#GODDDDD he makes me violently ill i hate goro akechi so much he’s so fucking selfish HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT THIS DEAL IS TEARING ME APART#i was so tempted to get the bad ending just so that he was alive ☹️#he looked so happy. he was surrounded by people who loved and treasured him.no shido. control over his life. the ability to choose his futu#TEARS IN MY EYES MARUKI WAS THE ONLY VILLAIN WHO WAS LOWKEY MAKING SENSE 😭😭😭😭😭#my toxic trait is that i think maruki was right all along 😔#ALSO SUMIRE AAUUGGHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#the survivors guilt literally eating her alive until the point where she gaslighted herself into thinking she was her sister. insane.#royal was so good bro i’m so glad i endured 200 hours of hell just to play it#terrible terrible ending with everyone going their separate ways and ren ending up in juvie for months#akechi actually being dead in the good ending is so fucked up 😭😭 i thought there was some way maruki could bring him back regardless#not ren hallucinating him in the last cutscene too 😭😭😭😭 “i still see your shadows in my room” ahh ending#persona 5 royal#persona 5#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#sumire yoshizawa#goro akechi#lotus draws
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please never go away
#enstars#ensemble stars#valkyrie enstars#mika kagehira#shu itsuki#shumika#erhm...........if you want me to explain this i feel like i would be the gif of the girl going “eto...bleh” lmao#it all started because of a video of moments of shu growling in songs and then i l read the lyrics for amor vincit omnia#i also feel like it doesn't make sense but i think that's the beauty of putting this in mika's perspective#cause i feel like he wouldn't be able to convey his love to shu the way shu would to him#i feel like he would just go 'oshi-san can i eat your heart?' cause that's where shu's love is stored in and that's the faster way to it#anyway i can't wait for my valkyrie trip album to come#art tag
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Shockwave, thats a terrible way of saying I love you
#idk if anyone had done this yet#but lately that specific sentence have been running around my brain lately#and thought it would fit Shockwave because hes an insane silly lil scientist#transformers#tf#soundwave#shockwave#tf soundwave#tf shockwave#wavewave#soundshock#shocksound#shockwave x soundwave#soundwave x shockwave#doodle#im sorry i want to eat both of them#barbecue style /joke#soundwave doesn't question shockwave's ways of saying i love you#he's now used to it
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Taking Care of a Tired Sukuna
Sukuna has had a long day.
Well, night.
Morning.
Fuck.
Working construction had been twisting up his sleeping schedule. At this point, Sukuna was starting to feel it in his body; in the strain in his muscle, and the aches and pains that randomly gripped him.
They had him working on a new project that could only be done at night, while the public was off the main roads, and that meant his new work hours were starting from sometime in the middle of the evening and ending in the morning or the mid-afternoon. Being nocturnal wouldn't be so bad if his commute home wasn't during rush hour. The traffic was always worse when he just wanted to crawl onto his couch and fall asleep there. And when he does come home at the end of the day - he's aching, exhausted, and every bone in his body is vibrating with the noise from a jackhammer or the hum of a forklift.
Sukuna has always liked something that keeps him busy, interested, something that tests his strengths. So, he can't say that he hates the job, but he does wish that it wouldn't occupy so much of his time. He's wont to forget things when he's so wrapped up in a new task.
Like today, for example, when he finally swings his truck around the front of his apartment building, barely making it off the freeway without murdering someone, and he spots your car parked there in his spot.
He starts a bit, his sleep deprived brain suddenly spinning as memory serves him.
That's right. You were supposed to come over today after he got off of work and spend the night- and he didn't plan a damn thing. There's no flowers in the backseat, he didn't stop to grab lunch for the two of you, he doesn't even have anything in his fridge for dinner tonight, besides a few forgotten beers tucked away in the side door.
As Sukuna searches for a parking spot much further down the street, he knows he should be disappointed with himself, but he can't help the touch of excitement that's suddenly dissolving the exhaustion from his muscles. Sometimes, Sukuna resents the fact that you manage to reduce him to this. He hates that he can't control that his heart skips a beat at the thought of seeing you again, like he's in some sappy romance novel.
But it was the hold you had on him, and he was starting to accept it.
~
You got to Sukuna's apartment about two hours before he was scheduled to be home. It was a day off for you, and you woke up with butterflies fluttering around in your chest.
You were giddy to see him. You always were. And not a single butterfly has died in your heart-space for him since the moment you met Sukuna, around two years ago. He has tended to each of them since then with his gentle but stubborn touch, although, he would never admit it.
You adored him for that.
It's still early in the morning when you use the key he had made for you to unlock his front door. Immediately upon stepping in, you're hit with how dark his studio is. The sun had risen over the horizon hours ago, and yet, the only hint of its light came from a small gap in Sukuna's blackout curtains. When you pull them back, you turn around and wince at the room behind you.
Yep, he's working too hard.
There's construction tools all over the house; sitting on the counter, in the sink, on his bed-stand, there's even a huge oil covered machine beside the front door that you nearly trip on in your trek over to the curtain. His coveralls and work clothes are strewn across the living room like he's been too exhausted to even make it to his bed at the end of his days, which is not very far from the couch. Meanwhile, his bedroom and the kitchen look nearly immaculate, telling you he hasn't cooked in days and confirming your suspicions about his sleeping arrangements. You wander over to his fridge and pop it open, sighing hopelessly when you're greeted with nothing inside.
Good thing he has you.
~
By the time he makes it home, it's around one in the afternoon. You've got his laundry hanging on the clothesline outside, more in the washing machine, and all of his tools and odds and ends have been sorted and dusted clean. You've opened every window he has, and cool, fresh air sweeps away the oppressed darkness his apartment held before. Everything was back in equilibrium.
When his keys jingle outside the door, you're just finishing up the last of folding his laundry. Sukuna steps inside, and your heart aches at how drained he looks despite the way his eyes widen as he peers around the room in surprise. His clothes are covered in dust from the construction site, and there's a smear of dirt on his cheek that makes him look like a chimney sweep. There's a tool in his hand that looks rather heavy, straining the muscles in his arm, but he seems to have momentarily forgotten to put it down. Half moon circles are embedded under his eyes, but they only bring out the intensity of his gaze.
"Hi 'Kuna?" You chime, calling his attention to rest on you.
He blinks, taking a moment to process the situation. You don't recognize the glimmer in his eyes then, and part of you starts to sweat at the thought of him taking this all wrong. Sukuna had never been particularly picky with you, but vice versa, you had never done something like this for him before. He never gave you the opportunity, after all. Out of the two of you, Sukuna was usually the one who was always effortlessly put together.
"You... cleaned..." He notes.
You swallow, "I did but I didn't move things around though. Just tried to put things back. Your laundry is right outside and I got you some groceries-" Sukuna drops the tool in his hand without warning, and you start talking faster, your voice raising a pitch as he starts towards you. "Okay, thinking back, I guess I should have asked. Maybe texted- no, you hate texting. Maybe called-"
“Did you clean the paint specks off of my air compressor?” He was standing in front of the machine beside the front door, which you painstakingly made sure not to ruin in your cleansing, despite having no idea what it was.
When he looks at you for an answer, continuing to close the distance between the two of you. You swallow the rock in your throat. “Too much?”
He’s made his way across the room and his surprised expression finally settles into a familiar hungry grin. He grabs you by the hem of your jeans, yanking you roughly towards him. You catch yourself on his chest, making a small noise of surprise. When you look up to scold him, Sukuna is an inch away from your face, his lips almost brushing yours, save for half a centimeter of space between them. He smells like sawdust and menthol, you can taste it in the close proximity as he greedily takes your breath away.
“Off. Now.” He growls, but his fingers are already undoing the button clasped in the front of your pants. “I’m about to fuckin’ eat you, sweet thing.”
~
You end up skipping lunch, but you're well satisfied a few hours later. A certain hunger: satiated. Sukuna is resting peacefully beside you. You can hear his even breathing against the sound of the cicadas outside, screaming in through the windows. Seeing him so content, sets your heart at ease and you release a sigh of relief.
Now, to end the night, it was time to slip out of bed without him noticing to finish folding his laundry.
Or so you thought.
As you carefully peel back the blankets and try to sneak off the side of the mattress, a warm pair of fingers loop themselves around your panty line, effectively preventing you from going anywhere. Guiltily, you peek over your shoulder to see Sukuna glaring at you with half of his face still smushed into his pillow, genuinely disgruntled with the fact that you were trying to leave his bed. You can't help but chuckle.
"I'm just gonna go grab your laundry." You reassure him, brushing a tousled tuft of his hair out of his eyes. The knot between his brows deepens.
"Let me do that later. C'mere. " He tugs on your panty line, confident that you'll be submissive for him.
The sun outside was casting tall shadows on the walls of his bedroom and the glow was now deep and rich, telling you that it was preparing to set. You didn't want Sukuna's laundry on the balcony all night, which is what you were sure would happen if you didn't go and grab it now.
You hear a thread rip in your panty line interrupting your contemplation and, quickly, you grab his wrist, squeezing it as a signal for him to let go.
He continues to hold fast, his brow cocking in a silent dare.
"'Kuna, come on." You try, "Lemme take care of you-"
"You've been doing nothing but take care of me all day." He scoffs, like the idea of it is absurd to him. Rarely does Sukuna allow you the opportunity to show him as much care and adoration as you have today. Being doted on was not typically something he enjoyed. You knew that, and that's how you also knew that he was exhausted to his bones that day. "Get your ass back here."
There's a tug again, and another thread snaps somewhere. You pout at him, already having the foresight that this pair of panties wasn't going to last you long either. Your partner had the tendency to rip them off of you, and this wouldn't be the first pair to become a shred of what they once were. To be fair, he was also known for giving you his credit card and telling you to go buy "some things for him to see you in", so it would be at no cost to you. But, you happened to like this pair.
Sukuna watches you consider your options silently, unrelenting in his hold on your lace. When you peek up at his gaze, testing one more time, you know you've already lost.
"Don't make me chase after you." He warns, the promise of your inevitable surrender is evident in the predatory glint of his eyes. If Sukuna had a tail at that moment, it would be swaying back and forth, preparing for a pounce. "It's been a while since the last time I had you tied up. I do miss those sweet little bruises we left on your wrists."
You feel the hair on the back of your neck stand at attention upon his recollection. The last time Sukuna had you in ropes, you had to call off of work the next day. Your backside stings with the memory, but half of you can't help but ache for it too. Tied up in Sukuna's bed while he was forced to care for the boneless pile that was his girlfriend, drunk off of his lovemaking? That wasn't the worst place to be.
But, on the other hand, you could tell how exhausted he was with the new construction project at his job. You have a flashback of showering with him at the end of the night and scrubbing sawdust out of his hair. Having to gently prod and kiss him awake as he fell asleep standing up in front of you. You were adamant that you weren't going to do anything to tire him further tonight.
Before you can properly give in, Sukuna must have decided that you were taking much too long to obey him.
His other hand reaches over and winds around your lower waist, pulling you backwards into the soft cushion of the pillows and easily flipping the two of you so that he’s mounted above you. In your surprised stupor, he collects both of your wrists in one of his hands and pins them above your head.
"You've forgotten how to follow directions again, kitten." His murmur is like velvet against your ear. His teeth graze over his favorite spot on the nape of your neck, where he’s already tortured it with his teeth and hickies. You didn’t realize how raw the skin was until he bites you there, drawing a whimper from your throat.
"Let's remind you."
#jjk#sukuna#sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen#fluff#just love the idea of Sukuna coming home filthy#I'd eat it up personally#also good god i want to see this man in a pair of coveralls#my writing
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am i interrupting something
YOU ARRREEE 😁🫵‼️ alt version with charlies lipstick from this banger post of mine
#open 2025 with gax yuri 😁#formula one#f1#george russell#max verstappen#rule 63#3363#girl drivers#WEEEHGGEHEGEEE#damn the perspective and anatomy looks so weird in small size in my phone... i thought i ate...#anyway georgie and her looong legs 😋 flat front back you want to eat her but shes skin and bone she rattles#her hair was in a neat bun but yknow. these two are violent#btw when i said i love exaggerating peoples shapes i was thinking of these two fr...#george long limbs and all hard lines & max soft curves and round edges#ok whatever#my art
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Congratulations to TEAM CHEESE for winning the popular vote on the Charcuterie poll!
#charcuterie saga#digital art#I initally made the poll as a fun little side thing while I was away and not able to draw -#-and a week later it has become a true battleground of food passion!#I *will* be drawing the charcuterie board soon (I first need to plan out what this thing looks like based on the ratio of votes)#But I also really want to draw more faux stickers like this. Possibly...to make them into actual stickers?#Let's see what the vibes are like after I draw more. I'll do a interest check and if enough people want them...It will be so.#Team Olives and Pickles will get one next. As will team Crackers. You both fought hard but the battle was stacked against you.#Turns out people have very strong opinions about cheese!#Team Jam kept it fun with recommending the most delightful combinations and spreads.#Team meat made me laugh with their chants. Team fruit just wanted a lovely time.#Team crackers were the underdogs but fought a good fight.#Team olives and pickles - you weren't even an official team at the start but you made it your destiny. Well done.#Team Vanilla extract....You made me eat something terrible. Feta. Old chedder. Gouda. Babybel. None of these are good with Vanilla.#Don't ask me how I know that.#(I know I should do a soft goat cheese with some fruit in it. I just haven't had the opportunity yet.)#Thank you all for your participation and for filling my week with whimsy B*)#I've loved drawing these little mice a lot!
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it can't be too hard right?
it's easy not to think about things, he tells me i don't think all the time! wait...
—
a scene from a fic that i have no clue if ill finish, let alone post, but look i made fanart of my own thing that doesnt even exist :D
#I DID IT! took longer than i was planning for it to take but shorter than most art#WHICH IS A WIN MY BOOK!!#anyways this is in reference to a scene right after laios calls chilchuck 'chil' for the first time#and he responds to it with no hesitation :]#id say more but i do actually want to challenge myself to write this thing#ahhh i loved working on this. did you know how happy i was. i got to make laios pine AND draw chilchuk 50 times its a win#anyways. laios pining content..... please.... maybe even... jealous laios content.....#chilaios#uhhhm hm. should i tag them individually. sure im proud enough of this#chilchuck#chilchuck tims#i wrote his last name as times again damnit#laios#laios touden#aaaand thats it#ENJOY YOUR FOOD#EAT UP CHILAIOS NATION#also. i linked a youtube video from a third party cause i couldnt find any official spotify links so just deal with that
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There’s something so sweet about this scene. Not only Arthur is surrounded by his knights, his friends, he still can’t seem to forget there’s someone missing.
And the way he approaches Merlin is nothing funny or sarcastic: it’s pure concern, it’s love, it’s respect.
Merlin admits he’s scared, without thinking about it twice, because yes, this is Arthur, the same man who makes fun of me on a daily, but he’s also my best friend, the man I love, and who I could lose, but I can’t tell him, but, oh God, if he needs to know I don’t want him to die. I’m the most powerful warlock on earth, yet I’m scared of Morgana, because she wants to kill Arthur, and I’m weak when it comes to him, I’m scared I won’t be able to protect him as I should (especially since Merlin has heard the prophecy that spoke of Arthur’s bane).
I like Arthur’s stunned face. Merlin is referring to his life. “You don’t care you could die?” And not only Arthur is shocked by it, because he thought Merlin knew his reasonings by now, knew that Arthur would never risk losing his knights, losing Merlin. But Arthur doesn’t care as long as his men are safe, as long as Merlin’s safe (because, let’s be honest, this conversation is nothing but a way for them to tell each other how they feel towards one another, without exposing themselves to the danger of this revelation). And Arthur needs to make something clear:
“Only about you.” Because Arthur brings Merlin everywhere like he’s a solider, a warrior, someone who knows how to fight with a sword, who’s an asset to Camelot and the kingdom itself, so he considers him an equal, someone he can sit with on a lower step and chat with about his fears, because he can be vulnerable with Merlin. Arthur knows he’s safe with him.
Arthur includes Merlin in his speech, and this is something that could mean, “Oh, so Merlin isn’t a friend, isn’t a brother, he’s so much more.” This scene is so impactful, because it’s one of those rare moments where Arthur shows how deeply he can love, how much risk he’s willing to take to bring peace to his kingdom and to his people: to the ones he loves.
And he knows his knights, he knows Merlin won’t abandon him, because he has never done it, and Arthur truly believes Merlin has no reason to do it now, even if he’s scared. It’s as if Arthur is asking, just to make sure, just to have the confirmation that they think the same of it.
And they do:
I wish I didn’t understand how much I’m willing to risk, and have already risked for you. Because this is why I’m here: for you and only for you.
The self deprecating smile, because Merlin can’t back down, he never will. He’s so frightened, yet not even the prospect of battling against Morgana and her army will make him run.
He has Arthur to protect.
The way he smiles, it’s as if he’s saying, “Why didn’t I understand this sooner? Arthur’s just like me.” But it’s the fact that they told each other this, they know now, after ten years, that they’re willing to do anything and more for the other to stay safe, to be alive, even if one of them isn’t.
Merlin tells Arthur. He watches him intensely, because Arthur needs to understand. He’s honest.
Arthur gets it, and he’s finally happy. He’s relieved that Merlin won’t abandon him, that he will stay by his side, like he always is, protecting him, fighting with him, and helping him.
Arthur smiles at Merlin like he’s seeing him for the first time, and he falls in love with him just that tad bit more.
#this is my favourite scene of them#there is just something so pure and honest about their stares and their words that does it for me#they watch the other’s reaction because they know what they’re actually implying#and i know that this show is simple at the end#maybe there was just something to show and that’s it#maybe the dialogues were written with another purpose#but as long as there will be something that makes me truly believe these two are canon#i don’t care#it’s in moment like this that you wonder because there is just something in arthur’s words#the way he puts it#the way he’s telling this to merlin and not to his knights because he wants to make sure merlin is reading between the lines#and arthur tells merlin to eat something to not think about it because now they’re safe that the other knows#knows how much they love each other#i like this scene so much and arthur’s small and pleased smile makes it all the better#arthur’s happy if merlin’s happy#and that’s all he needs#merthur#bbc merlin#merlin#arthur pendragon#merlin bbc#merlin x arthur
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CROWLEY SSR THOUGHTS
there is zero basis for this, but I can't get this thought of my head
I don't know why I decided to draw it this way
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#(these will be relevant in a moment)#this isn't going to happen. but WHAT IF.#anyway i didn't get him (damnit birdman come home) so i had to look up his story#and let me tell you friends my findings were SHOCKING#crowley canonically likes vegetables which means that the crowley is revaan theory = BUSTED#crowley is sailor venus = CONFIRMED#(i know 'whip of love' is a saying but that's where my mind always goes)#DISCLAIMER: this is (mostly) a joke please continue to hold whatever theories and headcanons you want#but look. c'mon. look over here at this whiteboard i've covered in red yarn.#revaan being a picky eater has come up multiple times and there is an entire whole bit about how much he hated jerky and refused to eat it#and now they've made a point of talking about how crowley will eat almost anything and loOoOoves wild game meat especially#it's SO stupid but i can't help but read way too much into it#(this is tumblr if you don't want to see incredibly stupid overanalysis of anime guys then why are you HERE)#and i gotta hold on to something because otherwise whenever malleus and crowley are onscreen together i just keep going 'same hair color...#unless this is like. some kind of deep cover thing.#lilia doesn't recognize him because he saw him eat a green bean once and revaan would NEVER#crowley's secret is safe for another day#(serious hat on: i do think they're probably connected in some way)#(but there's something deeper going on that we're just not clued into yet that will hopefully explain things)#man forget revaan what if crowley whips off his mask and it turns out he was meleanor this whole time#wait hold on meleanor loves jerky. IT ALL FITS...
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Obsessed with his brain
#read a fic where he had to eat someone in the basement to survive and I am... obsessed#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#dale dimmadome#fop dale#idk ask to tag#art#digital art#fanart#blood tw#cannibalism tw#ed tw#In my mind his relationship with Dev is crazy. Because he wants to love Dev so badly but he is just. incapable of it.#and it makes him hate himself#On some level he thought seeing Dev would fix him. That he would feel all those things a dad is instinctively supposed to#and it would prove he wasn't broken. That deep down hes still human. that he's still capable of love just like everyone else#.And then he didnt. and he had no idea how to deal with it#In a way hes kind of scared of Dev. Dev makes him feel so uncomfortable with himself. so he just kind of avoids him.#Which um. thats your son sir you cant do that.#I love dale but he should absolutely not be a father. He is just not built for it
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mourning black and the death of ideals
#i haven't moved on from this yet. btw. i'm still here#finally decided to draw the thought i've been ruminating over for days on end bc it's like a parasite eating away my brain#stated this on the initial post i made days ago but there's just smt so gut wrenching and sickening#about how dazai will have worn black exactly twice in his life: once as a member of the mafia and now at kunikida's funeral#a color that initially signified devotion to the mafia and his demon prodigy alias now signifies his grief#him having to wear black again at the funeral of another doomed fatalist who chose his heart over his survival. his own partner.#kunikida's death being so reminiscent of the tragedy that initially caused him to defect and flee#and everything tying together full circle and effectively breaking him#asagiri rly said fuck knkdz it's doppover we lost gang 😭😭😭#why did bro leave that fucking notebook behind#fool. do you know that angst potential you have left me to work with?#love never won in bsd. it lay dead and festering#i don't know how much longer i can keep saying i miss them. i'm going to kill myself if he doesn't come back#i've never wanted something to be death bait so desperately#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikidazai#knkdz#kunizai#(??? technically. its implied anyway)#lotus draws
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something the women in my family are absolutely flabbergasted by every time it comes up is the fact that i don’t own a scale.
“how do you know how much you weigh??” they cry.
“i don’t.” i simply respond.
“you look thinner, have you lost weight?” they ask at christmas.
“i dunno.” i say as i check on the turkey.
“you look bigger, have you gained weight?” they probe, as if my weight rests on their shoulders.
“i’m not sure, but it’s fine if i have.” i respond with a casualness they cannot comprehend.
“don’t you want to know if you’ve lost or gained?” they inquire over cups of coffee and a plate of untouched cookies.
“i do.” i take a sip. “which is why i don’t need to know.”
“we don’t understand.” they say.
“i’ll drive myself mad if i know. it’s been a question i’ve been looking for the answer to since i was in the seventh grade and my weight was the topic of conversation for the first time; the stretch marks on my calves puberty brought being questioned and condemned. and so i started weighing myself once a day. then twice a day. i gained weight as i grew and was told to stop. i got depressed when i was 16 and the weight i gained was more concerning than the scars on my thighs. the critiques turned to compliments during my first year of college when i’d started skipping meals and my body had to feed itself because i wouldn’t. everyday i stepped on the scale and smiled as i watched that number get smaller and smaller. hunger felt like victory. i started doing drugs that took away my appetite and then my strength. and started feeling guilt when my stomach felt full. and suddenly every time i looked in the mirror i hated what i saw. the more weight i lost, the better i was supposed to feel. each remark on another part of my body lost felt like a slap to the face. i was told i looked good but i knew i wasn’t good enough. and so i tried harder. and then i started to get dizzy when i stood. and i ignored it like i’d learned to ignore my hunger. and then one day at work i dropped like the weight that was never enough after i bending at the waist to grab a milk cap from the floor. and when the darkness faded, i was surrounded by panic as an ambulance was called. and then i was tested and prodded and poked because they thought something was wrong with my heart. and the problem persisted but they never found out why. but i’d known all along. and then i left home and its scale behind. and moved into a new home that was mine. so i bought plates and sheets and art for the walls. but i didn’t buy a scale. then every time i walked down an aisle i’d see the them and pause. and i’d think about the hunger i now kept at bay. and even though i didn’t know how much i weighed, i didn’t notice my body had changed. and i’d think about how i hadn’t been dizzy for months. and how i hadn’t fainted for longer. and then i’d keep on walking. and now most days i like how i look.”
“but don’t you want to be skinny?” comes their quiet response.
“i want to be myself in whatever body i have.”
they stare in disbelief. so i shrug my shoulders, and grab a cookie. and i smile at them as i swallow the first bite.
#trigger warning ed#tw disordered eating#body neutrality i love you !!#the women in my family cannot comprehend that i don’t diet anymore#and that i just eat what i want#and that im okay with the unknown#bc my body tried its hardest to be kind to me#even when i tried my hardest to be unkind to it#and now it’s time to pay it back#throw out your scales!! they’re bad for your mental health!!
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Haven't been able to think about anything other than the victorian/edwardian/WW1 twink and his 80's punk almost-boyfriend for a week, send help
#this tv show has consumed my every thought#it's like tumblr catnip#go watch it#it will eat away at your brain#there's also a butch lesbian butcher#an autistic manga loving weirdo (my beloved)#and a badass psychic who's also a mess#WHAT MORE COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT?#updating the post bc the reblogs lead me on a WILD wiki rabbit hole about the eras of England#okay so Edwin is born in 1900 which means he was born 1 year before the end of the Victorian era (1837-1901) so technically he's a victoria#baby who lived his childhood in the Edwardian era (1901-1910) and his teens in the pre/start of WW1 era (started in 1914)#until he was killed :( in 1916#so my boy here lived though MANY historical events and time periods#shout out to my victorian/edwardian/WW1 twink#history is very fun and this is why i love this website bc where else would i have to do research for my blorbo?#I do however find it very funny if Gaiman named him Edwin in honour of the Edwardian time period he grew up in#I love that man and it wouldn't surprise me if he turned out to be a history nerd (affectionate) like the rest of you#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#charles rowland#crystal palace#niko dbd#dbd#please feel free to dm me about history i adore it
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manga so good i had to do my own cupidsona,,,
#rui draw smth#love bullet#rui's oc's#HONESTLY IS SO GOOD FRFR#my assigned cupid hating me rn bc my idiot ass doesnt interact with people outside family#no but CUPIDS WITH FIREARMS DO YOU KNOW HOW METAL THAT IS#AND THE ART IS SOOOOOO COOL AND PRETTY AND BEAUTIFUL AND ARFARFARF#i want to eat that linework#yuri#love bullet oc#cupidsona
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I fucking HATE them.
Click for Quality!
#they make me want to kill things with my teeth and hands#also more of my human bill design you will see more of him#I’m probably gonna get the book of bill tomorrow so I’ll soon start being abnormal about its contents too#aria draws#digital art#digital drawing#fanart#gravity falls#bill cipher#stanford pines#human bill cipher#billford#bill x ford#I love toxic (soon to be old man) yaoi#I need to eat drywall I need to slam my head into a wall#nest time I’m at work I’m crawling into that trash compactor just to relieve myself of the illness#they’re in my fucking head I need to kill them both#toxic yaoi#yayyyyy
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