#I want to draw more and better fanarts from the game but I'm still busy playing my first run

[kamibakura]

[sincerely-sofie]

I’m a skeleton gal who likes to draw and write! Currently I’m working on Better the Wool, a Cult of the Lamb AU about the Lamb resurrecting the sheep and mending her relationship with her former patron deity.

Find Me Here: KoFi | RedBubble | Ao3 | YouTube | Twitch | BlueSky | Sideblog

Featured Tags: #Stuff by Sofie (Tag for my creations) | #Sofie Says Stuff (Tag for my rambles) | #Sofie Answers Asks (Tag for responses to my inbox) | #Obbyposting (Tag for raving about how awesome my boyfriend is)

You can read more about me, my projects, and what I’m up to under the cut!

About Me:

I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints!

I’m interested in writing, making webcomics, game dev, 2D animation, character design, programming, singing, small business management, self-improvement, and all around way too many crafting mediums to count.

I like green, bugs, hot chocolate, kawaii future bass music, video essays, Ooblets, and Animal Crossing.

I have a pet blue death feigning beetle named Gamer Girl, sometimes fondly referred to as GG!

I make a lot of things. This blog is a way for me to record the various projects I create on my journey to be unashamedly sincere!

Some of My Projects:

Better the Wool: An in-progress Cult of the Lamb AU focusing on the Lamb and her relationship with Narinder as she works to resurrect the Sheep killed by the Old Faith. Has a dedicated tag on my blog. A written fanfic is in the works, and I regularly post art about it between writing!

The Present is a Gift: A finished, but still semi-active, post-credits AU and fanfic for Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky which focuses on the hero taking in an amnesiac Darkrai. Has a dedicated tag on my blog. Also has a dedicated sideblog for chapters and can be found on Ao3, Tumblr, PMD Fanfiction, and Wattpad through there!

Mortality Exchange: A collection of “What-if” scenarios based on a piece of worldbuilding in my Pokemon Mystery Dungeon fanworks— if a Legendary pokemon dies, a nearby mortal pokemon will inherit their powers and immortality. Has a dedicated tag on my blog. There are no plans to make a long-form storytelling project of this.

Dugtrio Day: A time loop AU for Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky that stars a prickly Eevee hero, a sociable Treecko partner, and a nihlistic Celebi. Has a dedicated tag on my blog. There are currently no plans to make a long-form storytelling project of this.

Common Questions:

My inbox is always open if you want to ask or send something in! I like to queue up responses to things sent into my inbox, though, so sometimes they take a while to get posted. You can always send a DM or additional ask about the state of the thing you sent in if you’re curious!

I don’t mind being tagged in things. It’s a great way to make sure I see something :>

Fanart and other works based on my AUs, original work, and persona are all things I love to see! If you ever make something along those lines, send me a pic or the link to where it’s posted! I’d love to be able to shout it out if possible!

If you want to voice act / do a dub of my work, the same rules apply from the above bullet point! I’d love to see it! Send me the link! However, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t use AI to dub over my work. I’ve had my work stolen for use in AI dubs in the past, and I’d really like to avoid the stress of that happening again.

If you’re curious about something, send in a question, whether anonymously or not! You don’t need to be nervous or shy about it. I’m a pretty chill gal— I promise I won’t bite!

[partyinthemysterymachine]

I notice how you draw Harry and James is pretty different from how they look in game. I was curious how you decided their looks. It's interesting to hear about that sort of thing if you don't mind answering. Thanks

hi anon!! :3 thanks for the ask!! i will do my best to explain myself LOL but no promises it'll make any sense >:3c!

so let's go on a fun lil' art journey, anon. grab a granola bar and some gatorade, and c'mon!!!

well first and foremost: i am a NOTORIOUS "i do what i want"-er. going off the beaten path to the beat of my own drum is my favorite thing to do!

.. that said!! as i've mentioned before, actor Josh Charles was my first PB/"cast" for Harry Mason.

and my very first piece of silent hill fanart (march 10, 2018) really reflects that, LOL

incredibly, and almost a full year later to the date, i drew and posted this on march 4, 2019. now THIS is actually the closest canon-Harry i've ever drawn. (this was also around the start of the SH RP i was doing with a friend, which then spawned GOOMT lol.)

april 25, 2019. first color piece for any SH art and my first "real" time drawing james. this is also the last time you'll see him with his bangs on the "correct" side LOL.

april 30, 2019. the SH RP is still going on, and this is where i'm starting to get a better handle on what i want them to look like. Harry also gets a maroon sweater. he's also notably thinner here, and still has a lot of Josh Charles vibes.

sept 22, 2019. james sunderland thinnest browns edition. the bangs will be drawn on the right from now on.

(the only reason why they're on the right is because i forgot which way his hair actually parted. oops.)

the RP has ended. the first chapter of GOOMT is written a tumblr post and subsequently posted to tumblr october 3, 2019. i write/pst chapters 1 - 4 in the following days, then draw them again:

james's jacket is still short (but at least he has eyebrows!!); harry is still thin(ner). he's also got more of a canon-harry super low cut sweatervest.

ch 5, 6 is written/posted to tumblr. i draw and post this on october 27, 2019. please clap for my art journey LMAO

you'll also notice hte presence of A Knife. this is actually Angela's knife. shhh. ;)

still figuring out what they look like in goomt here tbh.

stuff from the following week. more figuring out! DRASTICALLY different Harry, too! still very Josh Charles-y, but starting to take on his own look as well. (note his greys!!)

i like DILFs. i like dad bods. he was intended to be a little soft around the middle.

it's not until January 2020 that i draw these idiots again:

very different nose for james lmao.

this is actually my first full body for both in awhile.

(i'm redoing this :3)

also more "accurate" debut of Harry's jacket!! this jacket was ALWAYS intended to look/be bigger on him. i can't really explain why because i don't know, other than it felt right.

at this point i've figured out how i want Harry to look. his design elements are very simple, because i'm EXTREMELY self-indulgent and i really. REALLY like:

widow's peaks

big thick eyebrows

noses. big beak noses

old men

grey hair

(you can actually find this sort of pattern across my various OCs that you'll never find evidence of on my blog anymore haha except for Zach good luck tho. >:3c)

January then gets very busy in the art department for these guys.

Harry finally gets more of a pudge and starts to "look" like himself. James also starts to "look" like himself.

a note on james's bangs: i uhhhhhhh. Stylistically, i have a thing for drawing Big Hair and Tall Bangs. this is seen in my version of Jonathan Crane. but also my hair used to do the exact same bangs so are you really surprised.

(bonus pieces of abandoned James GOOMT character sheet from 2001. i might have the files somewhere if you guys want to see What Almost Was LMAO)

more from January 2020. rubs chin.

it isn't until the end of Janurary/beginning of February that Harry finally Gets Fatter.

i'd been very unused to drawing fat people until Harry, and had been struggling up until here with actually drawing a more accurate representation of his body type to the one i saw in my head!

the reason why i made him fat is because it made sense to me that he was. people change, and being a single father changed him a lot. (and also i recognize that the only reason why the Dead Harry model was lean in sh3 was because it was a recycled Dead James model and they were Legit not going to actually put too much thought into it otherwise lmfao)

march 2020. still getting used to drawing Harry's body type!! also: even tho James's jacket is Longer in my head, i'm still trying to draw it the game-canon length.

idk why.

August 2020, James long jacket hours!!! and Harry really getting his look.

and FINALLY, one of my FAVORITES i've ever done of these two!!:

james's jacket is short here (only bc i was a Dumbass and forgot to make it longer i think?? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who's to say), but this is also the color debut for the backpack!!

(bonus Sept 16 2020 YOUNG HARRY CONCEPT from when he pierced his ears in the 90s thinking Jodi was going to find him soooo handsome. he sure is he cute huh)

BONUS MATERIAL:

attempted to re-do their character sheets back in 2021. this did not go as planned, and i was having a very hard year doing ANY personal art, so. gestures.

(sorry i had to put them up here like this it's just a screenshot of the two files in preview bc i'm Totally Incompetent when it comes to computers lmfao)

this is where we are now!! now as these are just sketches for their Newest character sheets, Harry is a liiittle different in the actual file and is is literally just a screenshot of what i've already posted like mentioned above lmao.

what it comes down to is this:

FOR JAMES

i actually just forgor what he looked like and didn't ref my art to what he looked like in-game. simple as that! LOL

in the initial RP, James was played by my friend, while i grabbed the reins to Harry, so i naturally preserved some of the base features of what my friend decided for James (lean, Super Sad And Wet, pale af). i slapped on the caterpillar brows (this is also a thing i'm historically known for in character design), did some tweaks, and also let James evolve himself as i became a better artist.

longer coat because Aesthetics that's why LOL. i don't like the short jacket he wears in game-canon and i needed GOOMT james to put his hands in his pockets like how i drew him above. Reasons.

he's also so pale because [REDACTED] and much thinner than his in-game model because he did Not take care of himself very well in those three years during Mary's illness. (it's also in his genetics: Frank is lean, too (however much taller than James, rip dude 😔))

FOR HARRY

switch from blue to maroon: i like maroon/burgundy. (i realize later that the color he wears is more on the side of burgundy but y'all i hate the color spectrum and it can definitely also be called maroon so it's maroon LOL) i also just thought it looked better on him. the only other reason i can think of as to why i changed it was because.. people change. this is a new era in his life. i kept it a (more modest, sh1 harry you whore <3) v-neck sweater as a nod to his game-canon but just.. changed it to maroon. probably just a designator.

he's fat because of reasons detailed above (fatherhood, life on the road, settling down, etc). and also because he's hot and he deserves that. self-indulgent.

hair, nose, elf ears: self-indulgent.

for Harry especially there are a lot of aspects about him that "almost were" but got cut out of his development for one reason or another an really he's better off that way. i really really don't like to force development or force a "look".

the main reason i guess above all else is that Harry looks so different than his game canon is because he's not that Harry anymore. and in sh3, you never see the guy's face: him dead. i can't even recall if i'd seen the dead Harry model in full before trying to hammer out what GOOMT Harry looked like. young GOOMT Harry would look a lot closer to what his game model looks like, tho. i can tell you that much :3 (one day i'll draw a Younger Harry but don't expect it anytime soon unless the inspiration REALLY strikes lmfao)

a lot of their changes are just not that deep, honestly. my vision for them comes from forgetting which way the bangs go (looks James), developign them in my head over time, The Vibes™️, and The Indulgences™️. i'm a creature of habit for sure in the character design department LOL but my world my puddle we play in it.

i should go to bed now!! but if you have any questions about something else or anything about their designs in particular PLS let me know!! i realy REALLY love this question and wanted to answer it RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY (even tho it's been two hours since and I NEED TO GO TO BEEED DGLDFDFGDGFSKGDFDKGSDFGKH O O O P S ) SO i hope you enjoyed that little trip down memory lane (and my art tag archive LOL) and you have a good safe healthy and cool day :3c!!

[kitsunefox1108]

Can you please do a romantic Yandere self-aware game sonic X shy bullied reader please

yes, of course! enjoy reading ;)

YANDERE ROMANTIC! SELF-AWARE GAME SONIC X READER

If we're talking about Sonic being self-aware and he realizes he's in the game, then when he sees you, his yandere behavior will be worse than Sonic's yandere behavior if he didn't know it.

He was interested in you for a long time, and he tried to learn more about you, trying to make sure that you could not close the game, but only leave it in the background while you were busy with something else.

And that was enough for him to find out your favorite hobbies, what kind of food do you prefer, what is your favorite music, what games besides Sonic do you like, and tries to convince himself that you like him more than the others.

He is an obsessed stalker.

He can never get enough, he is constantly watching you.

He is obsessed with any attention you give him, and he is happy that you play games on him. That he is one of your favorite characters and you love to draw fanarts based on him (if you like to draw of course) he always mentally evaluates your work as perfect.

You were always very sweet to him, and given that you are very shy, you did not scream with an overabundance of emotions if you lost in a game, you did not give up, and in general you were pleasant and calm. It seems like an ordinary player, but how much you sunk into his heart with your tenderness.

He wants you to join him on his gaming journeys... and he even thinks it's possible.

However, you often came home upset, and with some kind of abrasions and wounds, which strained the blue hedgehog.

At the same time, he perfectly understands that you still do not know how much self-awareness he has as a game character...

But then he learned something sad.

One day, you came home from school/college, and no longer holding back, and not showing that you were disappointed, you fell on the bed, throwing your backpack on the floor, and started sobbing hard. Your wounds hurt terribly, and all you wanted was the hugs of a person close to you and less pain. Both mental and physical.

You were never really treated well in places like this, and all because they thought that if you look very nice and you are gentle, then at heart you are the most vile person who is hiding there.

But they never wanted to get to know you better, and only for your appearance they constantly insulted and mocked you. And the wounds have already become a daily occurrence.

But you're so tired of it.

It was hard for Sonic to look at you in such a state, and no Eggman, with his stupid behavior, could distract him from you.

He was confused, he didn't know whether to show you that he was alive. And reassure you, tell you to spend time with him.

But he removed the last confusion, and decided that the attempt was not torture, any day he could lose this chance.

- Um...Y/n... Turn around, please. - you heard a familiar voice, but at the same time you did not remember that you had relatives with such a voice. But you turned around, before wiping your tears.

And you saw him. A blue hedgehog in red shoes that looked only at you and was saddened by your appearance.

You scaredly pressed against the wall that was near your bed, looking at Sonic, and sniffing.

“Wh-what?... This is my dream, isn't it?...” you said softly, looking at him, not believing what was happening.

“This is not a dream, Y/N. I'm near. I want to help you. I am aware of what is happening to you, and I want to help you. I have self-awareness, and I knew about you all the time. Don't worry, don't be nervous, I just want to help.

And Sonic really made you feel better. He encouraged you, said that he could communicate with you at any time, and that he wanted to become friends with you. You gladly accepted the offer, and pressed your hand to the monitor / TV, smiling, realizing that you really felt better.

But this does not mean that Sonic lost his yandere qualities after that, nooo, now he will become more suffocating. So you probably won’t immediately notice how 80% of your attention goes to the blue hedgehog, which is fueled by this attention.

And one day he will take you with him to the game...

[fansofvow]

Interview with Eve Golden Woods!

Many of you know who is Eve is. She's a writer and artist, a part of Dreamfeel studios whose beautiful game If Found won Best LGBTQ Narrative and Best LGBTQ Indie game at the first ever Gayming Awards presented by EA games. I am really excited I had the chance to ask Eve some questions about herself, her time at Lovestruck and her creative process.

Congratulations on the two Gayming Awards (Best LGBTQ Narrative, Best LGBTQ Indie Game) for "If Found" from your game studio, Dreamfeel. What was the inspiration behind making the game?

If Found... was a game that emerged out of a collaboration between Llaura McGee, the founder of Dreamfeel, and artist Liadh Young. Liadh's background is as a comic artist, and so when they started working together Llaura had the idea of showing off Liadh's art by making a diary game, and using an erasing mechanic she had previously developed to let the player move through the diary in a fun way. By the time I came on board at the start of 2019, the game had already been in development for a while, so in some ways my work on that game was similar to the work I did for Voltage, because it was taking existing characters and concepts and writing a lot of scripts for them. Unlike Voltage, though, my work for Dreamfeel was a lot more collaborative and I had a lot more creative input. I really enjoy taking something and helping to make it the best version of itself that it can possibly be, but I was also really happy that I got to reflect a lot of my own experiences in If Found. Llaura and I both grew up on the west coast of Ireland, and although If Found... isn't autobiographical for either of us, it was definitely really meaningful to be able to tell a story that reflected our own experiences of growing up as queer teens in a similar kind of environment. Since the game came out we've had fans reach out to us and tell us that they also connected to the experiences of the main characters, and as far as I'm concerned, that makes me feel like I achieved everything I wanted to.

You are a writer and a visual artist. Does one come easier to you than the other?

I used to think of art and writing as talents, and I always felt like my art was at a very mediocre level (that's probably still true, lol). So when I was younger I focused a lot more on writing. It was only later that I started genuinely trying to improve as an artist, but when I did, I think I had a much healthier mindset, and approached it as a skill I could learn with patience and effort. Because of that, even though I still have a lot more confidence in my writing, I find art more fun and relaxing, and I don't stress about it as much.

Did you always know you would follow a creative path?

Kind of? Both my parents are artists, and I grew up surrounded by artists and writers, so it was something that was always very familiar and accessible to me. On the other hand, I didn't exactly have a clear idea of how to make it into a career, or what kind of work would be involved. But there's never been a point in my life where I wasn't doing something creative, even if it was only writing fanfiction.

What did your path to working professionally as a writer/artist look like?

I did a creative writing masters in college, but after that I spent years teaching English as a second language. That was really fun and I got to live abroad, but it was so busy and tiring that I didn't have time to do any writing outside of the occasional fanfic. I only started to take art seriously again when I became interested in games and comics as ways of telling stories. I did some critical writing, which led me to speak at a few local events and get involved in zine fairs. That was how I met Llaura, the director and lead of the Dreamfeel studio, and it's also what gave me the confidence to start applying for actual writing jobs.

Is there any work of art, visual or written, that you look to for inspiration?

So many! I try to read and watch as widely as I can, although there are touchstones I always return to, like the works of Ursula Le Guin and Terry Pratchett. Right now I feel very passionate about the actual play podcast Friends at the Table, which manages to combine really thoughtful worldbuilding and storytelling with cool, fun characters and great action scenes. I'm also reading a book called The Memory Police by Youko Ogawa, which has extremely beautiful prose.

Do you have a favorite piece of your own art, whether it is something you’ve drawn, a screenshot of something you’ve written or something else?

My favourite piece of art is usually whatever I finished most recently (I think that's true for a lot of people). Especially with visual art, once a bit of time has gone by you look back on it and start to notice all your mistakes, which is very annoying. But actually I do still really like the first piece of Fiona fanart I did last year. I managed to use some effects to give it a kind of nineties anime quality that I find really fun, and I think it conveys an emotion pretty effectively. That's always one of the hardest things to predict with visual art, whether the different parts will come together to create the exact mood you're looking for.

I also really like the compass I did for Bycatch. Krissy (@xekstrin) was the one who suggested filling it with fingernails, which was such a good, gross idea! As soon as I heard that I knew it was perfect and that I had to try and draw it.

Many people who read this blog know you as a writer for Lovestruck. When you look back on your time there, what stands out in your mind?

Lovestruck was very important to me when I first started because it was my first ongoing, regular, paid writing work. It gave me a lot of confidence and helped me to get into the habit of writing consistently and rapidly, which is a really useful skill to have. I know I was right to leave when I did, though, because I am just brimming with energy to work on my own projects, and channeling that power into something that you can't control will always end up disappointing you. Also, I made a ton of incredible friends, through Lovestruck itself but then even more so through VOW (@vowtogether), and that is more than worth all the difficult parts.

Is there any character that you would have liked a crack at writing?

Oh gosh, what a fun question! There are so many, but one I do sometimes think about is Axia, just because I know there are a bunch of fans who want her route, and because I had fun writing her as a villain in Zain's route. I can see in my head the shadow of a storyline that takes place after Zain's route is over, where she's in prison and trying to understand how she lost the battle with Zain and MC. I think there's, like, a gap there, where you could see her downfall forcing her to reconsider her assumptions about power, and that could build into a very interesting redemption story. But maybe it's for the best I never got to do that, because I would have wanted full creative control over it, and also I think the story in my head is very different to the sexy, in control, menacing version of Axia that her fans enjoy.

Do you have any upcoming projects you can talk about?

Most of my current work is under NDA, but I will say that I'm doing something very exciting with other VOW members that we should be able to talk about soon(ish). Maybe I can even give a little teaser... It's not a game, but it is something you can read, and my part involves cakes, swamps, and a museum.

Do you have a favorite quote or song lyric?

It's a big long, but there's a section from The Dispossessed by Ursula le Guin that has stayed with me ever since I read it:

"For we each of us deserve everything, every luxury that was ever piled in the tombs of the dead kings, and we each of us deserve nothing, not a mouthful of bread in hunger. Have we not eaten while another starved? Will you punish us for that? Will you reward us for the virtue of starving while others ate? No man earns punishment, no man earns reward. Free your mind of the idea of deserving, the idea of earning, and you will begin to be able to think."

It's such a profoundly radical way of imagining the world, so different to everything I was raised with, but whenever I think about it I feel like I can see something very beautiful and powerful that I hope to come closer to understanding some day.

And of course, "Solidarity forever, the union makes us strong."

I was a big fan of the show Inside the Actor’s Studio. Host James Lipton asked every single guest the same 10 concluding questions. I’ve picked 3 of them:

-What is your favorite word?

My favourite word: for sound, I like words you can really roll around on your tongue. Chthonic, alabaster, insinuation. For meaning, I think simple words that encapsulate big concepts have a kind of power to them. We use them so often we forget how big they are, how much weight they really have, but they give us the space to imagine new possibilities. Love. Freedom. Revolution.

-What is your least favorite word?

I've heard that "moist" is a lot of people's least favourite word but it doesn't actually bother me. My least favourite word is probably one where I feel like the sound doesn't match the meaning. One of the Irish words for rain is báisteach, which I feel has a much weightier and more onomatopoeic sound than rain. Rain is just very flat and uninteresting.

-What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Oh, so many! I love history, and I think being a historian/archaeologist would be fascinating. Or something that had a physical component to it, like being a potter or a carpenter. I don't think I'd be any good, but I'd love to take the time to learn.

What would be your advice to anyone who wants to pursue a creative career?

All the work you do matters. Even the failed experiments, the things you hate when they're finished. It all helps to make you better. Also, creative career paths are often really unexpected, so chase any opportunity that seems remotely interesting. Don't work for free for anyone who can afford to pay, but work for yourself and put it somewhere. On a blog, twitter, whatever. You'd be amazed how many people get noticed and get offered opportunities because of something they made in their spare time. You'll probably have to work another job for a long time, so don't be hard on yourself if you're too tired to devote much energy to creative work. Try to make art consistently, but don't feel like that has to mean every day. Don't chase after celebrities. Make friends with your peers.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

I've been feeling really detached from reality lately and the only thing I'm doing consistently everyday is going through fics and tumblr. I'm 17 and have to start uni applications soon but I'm too demotivated :( Do you think I'm wasting my life? Bcs my parents surely think so, and I want nothing more than to hide in my blankets and never come out again. I feel very unproductive and I need to get my life together and actually do something other than sleep, read and write. (1)

I just got into Sherlock recently and I'm totally obsessed with it, almost a year ago I was as obsessed with BTS (kpop band) to the point Mom had me talking to the counsellor to find a solution for my obsession. When I left the BTS fandom Mom was happy that I'm finally getting my life back on track and focusing on school, but here I am doing it all over again with Sherlock. I don't want to do this, but I feel like Sherlock is the only escape I have from reality now.I have to be an adult soon (2)

Hey Nonny *HUGS*

The short answer to your question: No, you’re not wasting your life.

Here’s my anecdotal long answer: 

It’s easy to feel disillusioned at 17, especially if you’re expected to do one thing or another. Now, I can’t speak to your situation because my parents were supportive of my decisions and fandom life, so I never really had that problem. Which is where I’m going to start: Your mum has issues of her own, it seems, and may be projecting a bit onto you... Some obsessions absolutely need counselling, but I doubt you were at the level of stalking and creeping and gatekeeping the fandom. I imagine you were collecting photos and sharing music and videos with your friends. Jesus your mum would have an aneurysm if she met me then – I’m nearing 40, and my apt is full of Funkos, movies, photos, magazines, collectable figurines, and in my off hours I draw fanart, play video games, and maintain a fairly-popular fandom blog. BUT I can see her side of things – she just wants you to get a career and be able to fend for yourself – but, in my opinion, stifling the things you enjoy REALLY makes for a shitty adult life. It’s no wonder you’re unmotivated – you’ve nothing to look forward to except studying and nothing else.

Here’s my anecdotal story: I didn’t start college until I was 22. I got rejected from all the colleges and universities I applied to at 18, and naturally that blew the wind out of my sails. I wanted to be an animator. I worked my ass off to get into courses, and I didn’t. My self esteem was in the shitter after that, the guidance counsellor assigned to me at school basically said “oh well, LOL” and I was lost. It SUCKS. My parents were still supportive of me, and told me to at least get a job, because they didn’t want me to sit around doing nothing. So I did. I worked for two years in retail, and I hated it. But it kept me busy and I was allowed to enjoy my life at that time. And, in my own time, mostly motivated by my family moving, I decided I was ready to apply to school again, because those two years I worked at IFuckingHateWalMart, gave me some money for school and a desire to never work retail again. And guess what? It’s a LOT fucking easier to get into school as a “Mature Student” (in Ontario, if you’re over 19, they consider you a mature student), because they know you’re serious about school and they just want your money. 

I applied to 5 different arts-related programs, 3 of them Graphic Design, one Fine Arts, and I think the other was Art History. I got accepted to all 5 programs. I chose the different career path because I actually took time to research, and decided that since I wasn’t up to snuff as an animator (and the program I wanted to try again for wasn’t there anymore), I’m REALLY GOOD with computers, so let’s try this design thing. I love it.

Anyway, the point to this story, Lovely, is that perhaps you also are someone, like me, who just needs a break to figure out what you want to do with your life. I don’t regret taking a couple years before going back to school. And that may be what you and your mum need to discuss. 

So, to summarize in said discussion:

You need to be firm with your mum that stifling things that make you happy makes you feel unmotivated to move forward in your life. You don’t intend on not furthering your education, you just need a mental break and Sherlock and BTS makes you WHO you are, and makes you happy.

You need some time to decide what you want to do with your future. I really REALLY hate this culture of schools forcing you to decide what you want to do with the rest of your life even before you’re legally allowed to drink in most places. It’s so terribly horrible. The pressure I had to apply during high school was so terrible, that teachers made you feel like a failure when you graduated and had no college path set. It’s awful. I’m telling you, taking the couple years (it was only going to be a year but I wasn’t ready after a year) to reflect on my future and to decide what I wanted to do next was the best decision I made. Do you know how GOOD it felt to have all 5 colleges accept me after being rejected two years prior? It felt GOOD to send rejection letters to people wanting to have my money, LOL. AND I feel like I succeeded, because I was able to see the job market and figure out what career path would be sustainable for me in the arts field. GC is still a cut-throat field and I’m still not respected despite nearly 20 years later, but that’s my own fault for being stagnant in never leaving the newspaper (also, never work at a newspaper).

Fandom and Real Life can co-exist, provided you don’t let fandom rule everything. Your mum is lying to you if she tells you that she wasn’t / isn’t a fan of things, so ask her what music or movies make her happy. It’s the simplest form of fandom, but there you go.

That all said, Nonny, don’t give up, and it’s okay to feel unmotivated during All This™. I can’t even imagine what the point would be to apply for school in September if no one is even going to be in a classroom environment, erf. And if you need an excuse to hold off, there you go, tell your mum that you want to have a think about what career you want to pursue, AND you would rather it be in a classroom environment anyway, because you need that “study environment” to stay focussed on your studies, and not at home where the “distracting terrible fandom stuff” is, hah.

And finally: Being an adult isn’t all that bad. I can buy whatever fandom-related fuck I want and no one can stop me. I do what I want, when I want. I watch youtube, blog, play video games, travel, draw, and buy toys all because it makes me happy. And yeah, I have the boring adult stuff like taxes and groceries and rent and a job and debt, but if you can get all that stuff organized and sorted early in your life like I did (I have a set amount of money set aside a month for all the above from the job), then you can figure out what you can do that’s fun based on what’s left from the boring stuff.

TL;DR of all this: Talk to Mum, take some time, and enjoy life.

I hope this has helped you somewhat, Nonny. I know I tend to ramble a lot, but I do genuinely think that you just need time, and some understanding from your mum. You’ll feel a lot better about moving forward if you have those things, I think. 

Love you Nonny, and I hope you’re alright <3