#I want the main tags to be happy and controversy-less places of joy. long post

[coquetteblossom]

rika going on and on about the darkness and the devil inside her made me sick tbh like 1. it's called mental illness rika lots of people have it and you don't see them starting cults 2. that doesn't excuse your actions or what you did

Oh nonnie, I understand the emotion. 

I would like to admit first that I’m no authority regarding mental illness and my opinion should be taken with a grain of salt, but in all honesty I believe you’re on point, and people with more knowledge than me on this issue agree, as well. 

My issue with Rika is that, regardless of her mental illness, she was perfectly aware of the difference between good and evil, she understood her way of thinking wasn’t good for herself or for others, yet she still refused treatment. Her views weren’t the result of an impulse, they were the result of a particular way of perceiving the world… A perception that she knew was questionable and damaged others, but felt entitled to act upon just because it satisfied her. 

As we see in flashbacks set in the early days of her relationship with V, Rika understood that the thoughts she had were morally reprehensible (by describing them as a ‘devil’ and ‘darkness’ and ‘bad thoughts’), and she was afraid of them and what they’d turn her into. So far, understandable. However, the issue is that she wasn’t afraid of them from a moral standpoint: It’s not that she thought being a bad person is something that people shouldn’t do or that she was afraid of harming others, is that she was afraid giving in to those thoughts would make her unlovable. So, when V proclaimed that he loved her as a whole and that he’d handle any evil she threw his way… She felt loved, therefore her biggest fear had gone away: Being a bad person and doing what she wanted wouldn’t make her unlovable. This is why she despised when V tried to take her to therapy or tried to help her get better, she perceived this as him trying to “change” her; she wanted him to love her, period, she never wanted to erase her ‘darkness’. This put V in an awkward position because he wanted her to continue therapy and get better, but she guilt-tripped him into believing that he was trying to ‘change her’ (or, as she put it, ‘burn her with his light’). V has a weak-will, so he gave in let himself be subdued by Rika’s will. 

So, she refused treatment because, at some point, she didn’t feel the need to change. Why change, if someone (V in this case, but for her it could have been anyone) already said he’d love her as a whole? She wasn’t morally opposed to the evil thoughts her mental illness made her have despite being perfectly aware that they weren’t good ones, because everything in her life was about being loved. This is why she tested V’s love again and again and questioned it time after time.

This is also why she had a mental breakdown when V said it was obsession and not love. Why her crisis had her repeat “You said you loved me” again and again in despair: V’s unconditional love somehow, in her mind, ‘validated’ her to carry on the most obscure desires her mind could conjure: She could blind V, torture him and others, create a cult, destroy Saeran’s mind… Because she never cared about good and evil, she cared about being loved despite enjoying being ‘darkness itself’. 

If you take that ‘love’ away from her… She crumbles, because she is forced to face the weight of her actions and the cost of her morally-questionable decisions without her validation. She was forced to face the person she became. Which is why she became so desperate to get V back (or to get the MC to replace V)… It’s not about loving them, is about having them love her. 

That’s why I cannot defend Rika:

Wanting to be loved? Understandable, even more so despite seeing the abuse she went through as a child.

Using someone else’s “love” to validate herself to do harm, because she felt entitled to do so? Er… 

Manipulating/drugging/torturing others in order to get that ‘rush’ of being worshiped/loved? That’s… Yeah. 

Blaming the person that gave you the “love” you wanted and validated you, simply because you refuse to acknowledge that you chose what to do with such love and validation? Uh… 

So yeah. Understanding Rika’s desire to be loved is cool. 

Justifying what she did to get it? Not… cool.