#I want him to go Stu again come on bro

[tenitchyfingers]

Ok man I’m actually just waiting for Dean to go buttfucking insane because I know it’s just a matter of time (especially when his wife will choose the drug lord/murderer/actual criminal over just... a cheater) and that’s when the Lillard shines, man

[kaybreezy3000]

Looking for Happy Five Hargreeves X FTM Reader -anon request)

~Explicit sexual content -if no likey-stay away please.

Hilariously simple but true summary: Five Hargreeves is sad and horny and wants to fuck, and all he wants is you.

(Don't worry, I will try to take you a little emotional rollercoaster that's not all the dirty-dirty 👍)

~Reader is post-top surgery and pre-bottom surgery.

~This story was done as an anon request, asking if I'd be willing to do a pairing of Five X m reader, or Five X ftm reader. The request left the plot open for me to decide if it had much of one or how deep I went with it. Anon did give me a few fun ideas to include if I could, and I did my best to deliver and had a lot of fun doing it, so I hope you enjoy. Thank you, anon. And special thanks to my buddy Bad Kitty @badkitty3000 for proof reading this and catching my zillions of mistakes.❤️

(18,900 words)

Content Warnings and additional tags: Dom Five and some Sub Five, small 'Scream' movie add in per anon's personal love of the movie with sexy Billy and Stu, light praise kink, daddy kink, rough sex, choking, spanking, public sex, Five being sweet, Five being a cocky jerk, masturbation mentions, flirting)

NOTE: This story takes place during season four and after it, using a series of flashbacks, so it moves between past and present several times. Also, this was obviously written before season 4 came out, with an alternate season 4 ending written my way. It has lots of season 4 trailer and interview mentions to make it more fun and hopefully tie in a little with the real season 4.

~~~~~Looking for Happy~~~~~

Coming out of one of the empty offices at the Temps Commission headquarters, Five is met with silence. He still holds the title to the main building of the time controlling agency that he founded, but now, he and his family are the only ones that know it ever existed. 

He has no reason to be there.

It’s as it should be, but like always, he can’t seem to move on.

As Five told The Handler, he is a man that no longer belongs anywhere, only when he said that, he didn’t realize he was the driving force behind so much of his own suffering, or that in the end, it would all come down to him.

Everything he’s done was to restore life as it should be, and finally, this time they won. They are all alive. He should be happy. They are back in their original timeline where they should have always been, but the concept of time and Five’s place in it have always felt like pieces of a puzzle that were never meant to be solved. 

For everyone but the Hargreeves, with their exceptional powers given at birth, it’s as if the final battle that brought on the end, and then opened the door for the new beginning never happened.

That means you don’t remember him.

The rest of the world didn’t need to remember the terror. You just needed to live.

Strolling along, hands in his pockets, eyes downcast as the heels of his dress shoes echo down the vacant halls, despite his wins, Five feels empty. All he wants is to go back to a time and place that’s no more, back to when he could feel your lips pressed to his with a desperation that matched his own.

Reaching the end of the hall, he enters the narrow room filled with screens and panels of little white and blue blinking lights. He sinks into one of the industrial style chairs that’s placed in front of the Infinite Switchboard’s main frame.

Five clicks on the outdated looking monitor, his fingers turning the knobs, dialing.

~~~

Not long later, Five’s face is glued to the screen when Klaus peaks in at him from the hall.

Knowing Five would be here, Klaus passes over the threshold, loudly clearing his throat before saying, “Hey there, big bro…watcha doing?”

Five doesn’t even look up. “Yeah, lucky me. Is it time for our weekly check-in already?”

Treading lightly, Klaus approaches. “When you missed dinner tonight, we were a little worried you’d fallen asleep on the countertop in the break room again, but here you are...”

Klaus lightheartedly laughs at his attempt to make a joke about Five’s odd sleeping habits, but Five continues to ignore him.

“Thank goodness we still have a few of these things hanging around, otherwise the rest of us wouldn’t be able to visit this lovely place,” he says as he lugs up one of Five’s time traveling briefcases, waving it in his face.

Five glares at him.

“Really, man,” Klaus continues. “Everyone was there tonight. It was all the usual banter you’d expect from such an amazing group of misfits, but it would have been so much better if you were there too. Things even got a little out of hand when Diego insisted on coming here to force you to eat what was left of their disgusting vegan goulash, but don’t worry, I put him in his place.”

“Sure, you did,” Five mumbles.

Taking a step closer Klaus asks, “How are you?”

“I’m fine.”

Klaus’s eyes follow his brother’s unbroken gaze to the monitor, just as you enter your apartment building, where you stop in front of the wall of mailboxes. Your hand comes up, bringing your key to your lock, but your eyes remain fixed on the mailbox above yours.

“That was your mailbox,” Klaus points out, like Five doesn’t already know that.

Five once stood right there by you in that entryway. He hadn’t thought anyone that wasn’t part of his family would ever have the balls to try to put him in his place, but you did, and by doing it, you opened a part of him that before that, he hadn’t been willing to let anyone touch.

After shoving your mail in the back pocket of your baggy jeans, just like the day you met, with your face obscured by your sweatshirt, you stomp up the stairs, your anger evident.

The screen hisses with static as Five adjusts your location until it shows you walking into your bedroom. 

“Why don’t you just go there and talk to him? Maybe jump him in the shower or something. Sounds like something you kinky boys would both enjoy,” Klaus unhelpfully suggests.

“He’s not in the shower, you dumbass,” Five says, letting out an irritated sigh afterwards.

“He might be in a few minutes…”

“No.”

“Hey man, I know it wasn’t supposed to happen, but he remembers you,” Klaus insists, spinning Five’s chair around.

Swinging around, Five almost falls out of his chair. “What the fu-!"

“Five, I know you’re only trying to do what you think is right, but just look at him, something is wrong!”

Five does look, just as you pick up the stack of papers and news clippings from your bedside table. He doesn’t need to zoom in to see the one you are holding. It’s a famous image of him in his academy uniform, mask and all, standing like the smug little jerk he was while posing in line next to the rest of the superpowered Hargreeves children.

“There is no other explanation for why he is looking up all this stuff about you, and there’s other reason why he keeps coming by my old place,” Klaus furthers, “Why won’t you let me go talk to him? We were friends. He might remember me too.”

“Leave him alone!” Five snaps, but his bark has no bite, and his eyes can no longer hide how painful this is seeing you this way.

“Everyone is worried about you. We just want to help,” Klaus pleads.

“You can’t help me with THIS!” Hands shaking, Five jumps up, his voice breaking just a little as he says, “Klaus... I can’t.”  He looks back over at the screen, right as you furiously toss a tiny collector figurine version of him across the room. “Just because I want to see something in this doesn’t mean it’s real,” Five whispers, looking anywhere but at his brother, or you.

“He maybe wasn’t supposed to remember, but I think he does. As we all know, there are a lot of things that make no sense in this world,” Klaus disagrees. “There is something going on with him. Can’t you see he’s falling apart?”

Jaw working anxiously, Five drops back down in front of his screens again, flipping them to what is clearly a random time and date, somewhere in the past with ladies in long billowing skirts and the men in fancy dress coats, escorting them down muddy streets filled with steaming piles of horse shit.

It’s over.

This is how it always goes.

Klaus remains silent as Five pulls out a notebook, pretending to be taking notes on whatever he is pretending to get out of watching things from the past when there is no longer a reason to monitor it for corrections. 

Klaus knows that Five isn’t going to budge, but before he leaves, he says, “Five, I know you are only trying to do what you think is best for him, but what if it’s not best. It’s not too late to fix this part of what was broken too.”

Five’s pen slows as he looks up at his brother standing over by the door. He nods, trying to smile but Klaus can see it’s so hard for him to do it. “I promise I’ll be there next time. Tell Lila that I am sorry.”

“Tell her yourself,” Klaus shoots back, followed by a small chuckle, “She’s pissed. She worked for hours cutting up all those fancy organic carrots for you, so don’t be surprised if the next time you drop by, she chops something off that you find equally important as wanting us all to eat sustainably. And by important, I mean your wiener,” he unnecessarily clarifies.

The hint of a real smile fights to come out and wins this time as Five says, “Lila hates to cook, so I know she did not help make me dinner, and if she was going to chop off my dick, she would have done it by now.”

Klaus smiles too and shrugs. “Maybe… She was pretty mad at you though, so I guess you’ll have to come over to their place to find out if you are still besties. And hey, maybe think about bringing my friend along with you next time. Everyone is dying to meet him and see that adorable smiling face of yours. It’s not like we all don’t know how you like being perpetually grumpy, but seriously…you’re so much prettier when you smile.”

While Five is telling Klaus to fuck off, hoping he finally talked some sense into him, Klaus quickly rounds the corner, hoisting up his briefcase, his fingers punching in the correct date to go back to the present.

As soon as Klaus is gone, Five’s smile fades. He turns the dial, bringing up the footage of you also back in current time, right as you’re screaming into your pillow. “What the fuck is wrong with me!”

His heart breaks a little more.

Nothing is wrong with you. He is the problem, that is why he never should have done what he did. 

He should have let you walk away, but he didn’t.

~~~

The invisible string, a connection that refuses to be ignored, tugs at your mind and it won’t stop.

You’re going crazy.  

Like the miniature resin version Five you just sent flying, the pillow on your face joins it on the floor.

It makes no sense, but you can still feel the tickle of Five’s breath against your neck as you cuddled together on your couch, him contentedly holding you like he never wanted to let you go.

Your eyes remain focused on your motionless ceiling fan, but your brain refuses to come back to the present.

The pain inside your chest tightens.

You try to push it away, but it only gets worse the more you try to tell yourself to stop this.

This is insanity. You need help. That’s what people would say if you told them about the things going on inside your head.

From anything you can gather, Five’s family seem like they aren’t concerned about anything at all, but not that long ago you remember them being shown on every news channel, doing unimaginable things while defending themselves from the barrage of artillery being shot at them.

Five left you only hours before that, promising to be back, but he never came back.

Long after he said he’d be home, you watched in shock as the news blasted stories about him and other people associated with him that made no sense. They said they were aliens! They said they were superheroes from another dimension! They flashed images of Five’s much younger face alongside the other people he grew up with, including Klaus.

Then a war started in the streets.

Almost immediately, the news reporters had given up trying to maintain their façade of calm. The holiday lights beyond their lens twinkled eerily as the sound of explosions filled the air and rocked the ground.

People screamed and sirens blared, and not just on the TV. You could hear it coming from outside your windows.

As the collapsed news camera continued to stream live feed, out of nowhere, Five appeared in the frame, enveloped for a fraction of a second in a flash of violet hued light.

Your jaw nearly hit the floor. It couldn’t be real.

Five’s long coat tails flung like wings behind him as he grabbed ahold of the terrified girl whose picture you’d seen on the birthday invite Klaus had shown you. Five and the girl disappeared in another burst of light, just as bullets ripped through the metal garbage can she was hiding behind.

You smelled the smoke in the air when you ran outside. The earth shook, rattling your teeth as the echo of gunfire sent chills up your spine.

It all happened, only it didn’t. Nobody else remembers it.

Now, the Umbrella Academy is a thing of the past. The superpowered children that had once lived there are common knowledge, but they supposedly moved on with their lives long ago.

Klaus’s apartment isn’t his anymore, and the doors at the Umbrella Academy never open when you ring the bell.

The world in which you met is gone and the Five you knew is gone with it.

Five Hargreeves disappeared at the age of 13, never to be seen or heard from again.

Was any of it even real?

Again, you’re back to questioning your sanity.

“Fuck,” you curse, while raking your hand through your hair.

It’s been months. Three months and twenty-seven days to be exact since you first talked to Five, only then, you didn’t know that was his real name and not just a quirky nickname he preferred to go by.

He always had a nervous energy about him, and he always seemed distracted, so you usually paid no attention to him, but that day, something about the way he refused to acknowledge your presence set you off.

After he rudely stepped on your foot and pushed into you with his shoulder while reaching for his mailbox, you slammed your metal mailbox door closed, doing it much louder than needed.

You smiled with satisfaction when Five startled, even jumping a little.

He looked over at you with cartoon sized wide eyes.

Shaking your head, you’d said, “Not sure if you noticed, but you are not the only one trying to occupy this space. I exist too.”

Five’s eyes narrowed, the intensity of his glare slowly moving up and down as he took in your loose t-shirt and baggy jeans, comfortably paired with your favorite beat up low top sneakers.

You were sure the assessment he was making of you was not a good one. Especially when you consider that he was dressed impeccably as he always was, a long wool coat over a three-piece suit, with his hair a mess of chocolate brown strands, that though all over the place, only made him look even more unfairly attractive.

Compared to him, even though you stood over him by an inch or more, you suddenly felt like a tiny bug on the floor about to be obliterated under one of his shiny dress shoes. Your bodies outwardly didn’t look that much different, but you could tell that you were a little scrawny even when compared to his relative scrawniness. On top of that, he appeared to be close to the same age as you, but it was as if you were opposites, living in the same shitty apartment building, but he was somehow better than you.

You quickly concluded that he was a totally dickhead. Thinking about his stupid big black shoes, and then dicks as they related to shoe size, your mind started moving to certain ways that you were pretty sure you were different from him other than the fact that you weren’t an asshole.

You started to turn away, but before you did, you bitterly added, “I live here, by-the-way. We pass by each other almost daily. Not sure if you are aware of that?”

Ingrained manners getting the best of you, you extended a hand. Five looked at it like a foreign object.

He said nothing, so getting really mad, you casually as possible hooked a thumb under your waistline, while defiantly cocking your chin at him. “An I am sorry, or an excuse me, are just two options you could use to apologize when you just rudely rammed into someone, but it looks like you’re not going to do that since you lack even the most basic kindergarten level social skills.”

You tucked your mail in your back pocket and his eyes immediately moved down to your waist, openly checking out your striped boxers that were starting to show thanks to your pants sagging. Even more annoyed by this less than pleasant interaction, you started to walk away, quietly breathing out the word ‘jerk’ as you headed back towards the stairs.

“Wait!” he called out.

Surprised, you turned back to see the corner of Five’s mouth ticked up, the small movement hardly even noticeable if you hadn’t been suddenly hyper focused on the softness of his slightly parted lips.

“You aren’t wrong. Social graces aren’t where I excel,” he started. “I get lost inside my own head sometimes. I am sorry. Will you accept my apology, or is there something else I can do to make up for being so impolite? Wouldn’t want the neighbor boy thinking I’m a jerk.” 

He extended his hand. 

“You can call me Five, by-the-way.”

Fuck. He heard you, and what the hell, was he trying to be condescending? And Five? 

What the hell kind of name is that?

You looked back over at the name on his mailbox, it wasn’t Five.

“Five is a family nickname,” he explained. The dimple in Five’s cheek grew deeper the longer you dumbfoundedly stared at him. He lifted a brow. “I may be a lot of things, but deep down, I swear I’m a gentleman. I really am sorry for violating your personal space, but I am not that sorry about it because it meant we got to do this.”

What was with this guy?

Rarely did guys his age act so…

Shit… Was he hitting on you?

Five’s smile was like a superpower all its own and it was rendering you speechless, making you temporarily unable to maintain the level of irritation you’d had before. Feeling your face getting hotter, you couldn’t figure out why his words or his expression looked and sounded so flirty, but they did.

Maybe he was just trying to be nice?

Trying to play it cool, you threw a hand back through your slightly less shaggy looking haircut, then replied, “Sure… Nice to meet you and the apology is good enough. Very big of you. Thanks.”

Five’s taunting smile remained, as if you shooting him down was exactly what he wanted.

“Oh,” he breathed, digging through his stack of mail before pulling out an envelope, “I believe this is yours?” He frowned as he looked down at the feminine sounding name and your apartment number that was printed under the clear cellophane address window. “Your roommate, or girlfriend’s, I’m assuming?”

You took the mail from him. “No. No roommate and no girlfriend, just me.”

You were sure that Five looked relieved to hear that, and your breath caught, and your heart kicked up accordingly.

Adding the envelope to your back pocket, you breathed in, then slowly let it out as you rocked back on your heels. “That’s…my dead name,” you clarified.

Five said nothing. He seemed confused as his eyes wandered from yours and he rubbed his chin, but then his eyes suddenly came up, meeting yours again just as it seemed a lightbulb went off inside his brain.

His handsome smile took your breath away as he said, “I never would have guessed, but then again, there is a slightly unhinged, 64-year-old man hiding inside my head, and I am sure you never would have guessed that either.”

You laughed. You never would have guessed he’d be so funny or cute, but he was full of all sorts of surprises.

“You know, nobody reads the news that way anymore, other than grumpy old men, but I guess that makes sense since you’re a retiree,” you teased, trying to keep this whatever it was going by fucking with him again.

Unfazed by you making fun of him, Five nodded. “True,” he agreed, “When it comes to reading real newspapers and my other geriatric ways, I don’t mind getting my hands dirty from time to time on these ink smudged pages,” he waved his paper at you, “-or in other more challenging ways that are much more enjoyable. With the lifetime of experience I have under my belt, I’m sure I could teach you a lesson or two on how to have a good time the old-fashioned way.”

Taking his rolled newspaper, Five slapped it into his opposite hand, making a spanking gesture, all the while never taking his eyes off you.

You rubbed your palms down the front of your jeans. “Wha-what kind of fun?” you stammered, your brain clicking off as blood rushed between your legs.

“The crossword puzzle,” he clarified, followed by a cocky little chuckle. “There’s much more to the newspaper than doom and gloom news stories. It’s all about the delayed gratification. Seeing all those empty squares filled in the only words that can solve the puzzle is a sight well worth the effort.”

“You’re talking about doing crossword puzzles from the newspaper?”

“What else would I be talking about?” he countered.

Holy shit, you wanted to deck him.

~~~

A few days went by, and you didn’t run into your charmingly arrogant neighbor again, not until you were coming home late and you walked into a neighborhood pub to grab some dinner. You looked over, and to your surprise, you saw the familiar profile of a dark-haired asshole sitting alone at the bar.

“You can’t be twenty-one,” you said, sliding in next to him.

Five’s lips pulled to the side as he gave you the most mischievous looking side eye you’d ever seen. “So, you’re stalking me now? If my coworkers at the CIA knew how easily you tracked me down, I’d be fired.”

You scoffed, “You wish,” meaning both to the stalking and him working for the CIA.

Smirking fully, as if acknowledging he did wish you were stalking him, Five self-assuredly tipped his glass your way before sending the rest of the amber colored liquid down his throat.

With his head tipped back, tie pulled loose, and the top two buttons of his dress shirt undone, try as you might, you couldn’t stop looking at the way his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.

“Really. How old are you?” you pushed, trying not to drool.

Five let out a cocky sounding laugh, his eyes a mossy calm as his gaze flicked down and up, drinking you in like he was a lion, sizing up its prey. “19 going on 64, give or take. Doesn’t matter because here, the drinks are strong, and the bartenders don’t care.”

“Right…” Shaking your head at him as you smiled, you flagged down a server.

Knowing what you wanted already, you ordered, but when you asked for it to-go, Five unexpectedly interrupted. “Make that for here, and for two, and put it on my tab, please.”

The bartender looked at you and you nodded that it was okay.

When you were alone again and Five realized you were still looking at him like he was nuts, he calmly said, “What? I thought we were friends now, and I owe you, remember?”

“I suppose that talking smack to each other for five minutes, one time, means we’re friends,” you pointed out, before adding, “And as long as you don’t try to plow into me again, you don’t owe me shit.”

Five shifted his weight, leaning closer, so only you could hear him since the seats on both sides of you had just been taken. “As a man that hasn’t come close to mastering traveling through time, both forwards or backwards, and can no longer do either anymore anyway, I can’t promise anything with it comes to my spatial awareness issues, but that’s a whole different problem of mine among the many. When it comes to sticking my landings and running into you accidentally or not, I tend to think you like the idea of me plowing into you again.”

Your mouth opened and closed a few times, like you were a brainless fish, nothing coming out, because what the hell do you say to that!

Five burst out laughing. “You are so easy to fuck with.”

“And you are a dick,” you duly noted.

“A dick that you’re apparently not opposed to eating dinner with, and hey, I’ll even buy you a drink too, but only if you’re a good boy and keep looking at me with that handsome little smirk of yours.”

Jesus… Did he just say that?

He did, and his patronizingly suggestive comments weren’t the only thing getting you worked up. You could smell the heady scent of his cologne every time you had to move closer to him to let someone else get up to the bar, and damn did he smell good.

“Confident much?” you cocked off.

Five shrugged. “Yes,” he said, matter of fact. “But the truth is, most of the time I am not great with people. I’ve spent most of my life alone, and I have only ever been with one other person intimately, and that relationship wasn’t what anyone would call normal, and abstaining from any sexual relationship since then is definitely not my penis’s first choice, it's more of an existential problem.”

“Oh, my God!” You burst out laughing.

Your second conversation with Five was starting no less shocking and confusing than the first, and like the time before, you were loving it.

For the next few hours, you sat there with him, getting to know each other, having several more drinks that went down with plenty of laughs and hardly concealed innuendoes that proved over and over that what was going on between you was much more than just friendly chatter.

With his dark strands of hair dangling in his eyes and his perfectly tailored three-piece suit, Five looked hot as hell, and because of that, he was getting checked out constantly the entire time, but he never seemed to notice, and that was because his eyes were always on you.

You didn’t even think about leaving until the band that had been setting up since you got there started to play, and it got way too loud to hold a conversation. As you offered to pay again, Five refused. Then, having already had his foot resting on the rung of your barstool, he abruptly spun you around to face him more directly, giving you an innocent looking smile as he let the tip of his shoe glide up your ankle.

“I’m not ready to let you go yet,” he said, his voice low.

“You’re not?” you sputtered, trying not to spray the liquid you’d just tried to swallow all over him.

“This has been nice,” he said, velvety soft as he moved closer “Thank you for keeping me company.”

“That’s not all I want to do,” you found yourself saying back, your lips brushing his cheek as your hand lowered to his knee, your palm running along the smooth wool fabric, stopping mid-thigh.

Five’s leg tensed. For the first time since you got there, he was tongue tied.

He suddenly moved back, and you instantly removed your hand. You were sure you’d just freaked him out, but then he quickly said, “Maybe we should move?”

Not a second later, you were both making your way through the mob of people, all the way to the edge of the dance floor in front of the stage.

Five seemed so at ease in the crowd, even having fun listening to the live music. He was not at all who you thought he was, and just looking at him next to you made it feel like you had a swarm of butterflies fluttering around in your stomach.

With eyes glossed over, standing as close as you were, the music wasn’t the only thing Five seemed to be enjoying. Taking full advantage of there being no room to move, every now and then, his hand would brush against the side of your thigh, staying there a little longer than necessary. Then, after both of you were getting repeatedly shoved around in the crowd of inebriated people, Five strategically placed himself behind you, as he was trying to protect you.

With him standing behind you, your body got even warmer, and you smiled to yourself, remembering how Five had claimed to be such a gentleman. Whether he did it to be gentlemanly or not, Five seemed all too happy to have a reason to press up against your backside, because now he had an even better reason to place his face next to yours, humming in your ear as he said absurd things to make you laugh.

You weren’t so much dancing together as the people around you were trying to do, but that didn’t mean Five wasn’t intentionally or unintentionally moving himself against you to the rhythm of the music. Trying to figure out which one it was, you reached back taking him his belt, tugging him flush as you dropped your head back and arched your back into him.

Five let out a pained sounding whimper as his hard-on poked the back of your leg and almost just as fast, the tip of his nose brushed your neck as the warmth of his breath caressed your skin. “I’m sorry, but fuck, you’re making me hard,” he whispered before you felt his lips gently kiss your already tingling skin.

He had no reason to be sorry.

Turning around, you slipped your hand around his, assertively leading him through the crowd. You weren’t even off the main floor, a few feet down a side hall near the bathrooms, when Five was on you, taking your face in his hands, pulling you into a kiss. He was so excited, his lips actually trembled as they pressed against yours, a low moan coming from deep inside his chest when you eagerly reciprocated.

It had to be a whole minute later before he let you up for air, gazing at you with darkened eyes as he smiled. "I really like you.”

Sliding your other hand around his neck, you grabbed at the soft tangle of hair brushing the crisp edge of his shirt collar, tugging it sharply. "You’re going to like me even more in a second,” you shot back, while moving your other hand lower.

Five let out the cutest sound as you started fondling him while also giving his mane another tug, but it must not have been all that upsetting that you were manhandling him because as you tightened your grip in his hair, his hips reactively bucked into yours.

Five’s hard cock pressed up against the crotch of your jeans as he ground himself against you, his hands hungrily groping your ass, pulling you back and forth over his dick.

"Fffiv-vvve," you panted into his frantic kiss.

He smiled against your lips and kept on kissing.

You trailed a hand up his inner thigh, cupping his erection through his clothing as your mouths parted wider. The heat of his tongue entered you, engaging you in a sloppy kiss that ended with biting and tugging at your bottom lip before he said, “You have no idea how bad I wanted this.”

Five let out a shaky sigh as he glanced over at the man carrying several cases of liquor, trudging by, heading towards one of the bars' storage rooms.

You were a little taken aback by how vulnerable he looked, his face flushed, and his lips wet and full from kissing you. You stayed silent for a few seconds, just looking at him.

You weren’t sure if he was going to stop. Something seemed off, only you couldn’t put your finger on it. Not that you were trying that hard. Your fingers were still busy doing something else.

Before you got too worried that he’d changed his mind, Five started kissing again, your oversized sweatshirt hood falling over your heads.

Going at it hard, with his hands latched on your ass, Five dry humped you into the wall, not even stopping when the door across from you flung open. Coming to your senses only slightly, you shoved Five backwards, forcing him into the men’s room.

Your adrenaline was pumping hard, and your heart was racing as the door closed behind you.

Five came at you again. Your hands went around him as he grabbed a handful of your ass, nearly lifting you off the floor. He pinned you to the wall again, his cock slamming between your legs.

His hands ran down your sides, fingers digging in hard enough to bruise as he kissed and sucked your collarbone, trailing teeth and kisses gently up your neck.

Breathing heavily as you momentarily broke apart, Five anxiously said, “You need to tell me to stop if this is too much, okay?”

You didn’t reply verbally, instead you kept kissing him. Five groaned into the kiss and pushed your crotches together with more determination.

Miraculously for as busy as the bar was, the bathroom was empty, but it wouldn’t be for long. Not even breaking apart, you walked Five backwards again, moving him inside the largest bathroom stall. Thankfully it didn’t appear that dirty, but again, you weren’t really looking.

You kicked the door closed, hand only leaving Five long enough to twist the lock. Lips coming off your neck, Five’s eyes trailed up and down your taller frame. He reached out as you cornered him, brushing some of your hair away from your ear while his other hand snuck between your legs and squeezed your crotch. Looking pleased with himself and what he was feeling, he tilted his head to kiss your neck while he rubbed his hand over your clothed sex repeatedly.

In return, you moved your hand over his dick again, unzipping and then tugging his pants down. His cock sprung forward with no underwear to prevent it from happening.

Naturally you both looked down, and wow did Five look proud as your eyes went wide.

“Impressed?” he asked.

“Hardly.”

He was clearly not buying that lie because fuck…

With no further ado, you lowered to your knees, and he watched you do it as if transfixed. Your hand wrapped around his ankle, then trailed up a bit further, before you stopped under his knee, rubbing lightly.

Five reactively opened his legs a little, and so did you in a futile effort to ease the slight feeling of friction you were experiencing against your briefs.  

You were buzzed and horny, and this was nuts, but fuck it. This was happening!

Five’s cock was already leaking. You licked your lips and positioned yourself. With the hand not already holding him, you reached out and gave his long cock a tentative pump, spreading the precum around with your thumb. He pulled back a little.

“You okay, big shot?” you teased.

A smile crept onto Five’s face, but his voice came out so broken it caught you off guard. “You don’t have to do this.”

Okay… Maybe he was nervous, that was fair, especially if all his arrogance was just a show and what he said about being inexperienced was true, but considering how he had just been all over you, and now you were on your knees in a bathroom stall with his dick in your face, you looked up at him in disbelief as you said, “I know I don’t have to do this. I want to. Now stop being so damn frustrating and let me suck your dick!”

It was as if something in him snapped, the darkness in Five’s eyes smoldered as he purred, "Just remember, pretty boy, you asked for it. I am going to fuck your face so hard you’ll think twice before smarting off to daddy again.”

Holy fuck that was fucked but it only made you wetter.

Just then, someone walked in, going straight to the urinals. Your heads both flung that way. If they looked behind them, they for sure would see Five’s shoes lined up against your knees. There was no question what was happening, and even more turned on by that, you started stroking Five gently as you could while playfully sticking out your tongue to lick up the glistening fluid running down his shaft.

Falling back against the partition between the stalls, Five’s head made a hilariously loud thunking sound.

You kept at it, kissing the slit of his rounded tip, working it in a circular pattern. Five let out the quietest hum of approval as his fingers at his sides clenched and unclenched repeatedly.

You kept toying with him, enjoying how he was struggling to stay quiet, but only until the door closed and you were alone again, then he brought his hand to your cheek.

You looked up as his hand moved into your hair. “You look so good with your mouth on my cock.”

To that, the throbbing between your legs had you tensing your thighs to increase the sensation but it wasn’t enough and you let out a moan of complaint over it that made the darkness in Five’s eyes look all the more wicked with delight.

You put his whole tip in your mouth, opening and closing your kiss reddened lips around it, grazing it just barely with your teeth. From above, Five let out a moan as his hand in your hair moved, brushing your fringe of hair out of your face.

He couldn’t take his eyes off you and God did you love it.

He was letting out breathy sighs and grunts as you serviced them, his free hand pushing back through his hair the more agitated he got.

Wanting to send him over the edge, with the hand you were holding him with, slowly pumping him at just the tip, you leaned in even more, letting the musky scent of him fill your senses as your tongue ran along his balls. You were rewarded for that with a deep groan and an unsteady hand coming to the top of your shoulder.

That was all the praise you needed.

“Fuck yeah,” Five hissed, then he bit down on his lower lip, as you took him in your mouth, moving over him just little deeper and faster.

Almost right away, Five started rocking his hips in strained, shallow nudges. Each time he entered you and hit the back of your throat, he’d break apart a little more, and you swore you’d never seen anything so beautiful in your life.

Petting you, and making your hair all sorts of fucked up, Five encouragingly murmured “You are so fucking good at this. Fuck- Ohh-ffffff-you’re amazing,” he gasped.

Even though it was happening, you could hardly believe you were seeing this normally composed man turning into such a stuttering, red-faced mess.

Tipping your head back and opening your throat to him, the thick head of Five’s cock moved inside with ease, fucking you deep and hard enough in quick but controlled thrusts that it took away your ability to breathe.

Your eyes instantly began to water.

“Fu-ck-ye-ah-take-my-dick,” Five stammered as he wildly fucked into you.

The door opened again, the music getting louder for a moment before it shut again. This time there were several guys in there, but between the sound of them pissing, and their talking, and the thrum of the bass coming from outside, it still wasn’t enough to hide Five’s sharply cut off breaths and curses.

They knew, but the way Five’s eyes kept drooping closed proved his brain was no longer running the show and he didn’t care.

His fingers gripped tighter, yanking at your hair. You took the abuse, gagging on him until Five suddenly clasped his hands on the sides of your face, stopping you. “I’m gonna-cum,” he quietly cried.

He had a panicked look in his eyes. His teeth were clenched, and it was clear he was trying so hard not to orgasm, but it was coming one way or another, even with the guys outside your stall snickering and making lewd comments.

“Fuck yeah you are, and you’re going to do it my mouth,” you commanded, right before sucking him raw again, taking him all the way to the hilt.

Losing all self control, Five started railing your face again.

You couldn’t breathe at all, and were choking on your own spit. Your fingers dug into his thighs as your body instinctively fought back, but Five held the back of your head tight, forcing you down on him over and over.

Then, while violently scrambling your brains with his throbbing cock, hot spurts of Five’s seed started shooting down your throat. His hips jerked uncontrollably as he dug his heels into the floor. He fell back against the wall again. The waves of his shuddering release came out in a cadence of grunted curses as he moved himself in and out of your gaping mouth, moving slower and slower with each thrust until he was spent.

Having dumped his load, he started to slide out. Getting oxygen again, your blurred eyes took in the sight above you as you gave his well worked shaft a few more loving licks and twirls of your tongue. Sure that you just blew his mind, you popped your mouth off and smirked.

Five’s doe eyes were only slightly open and the dreamy way he was looking down at you was priceless.

~~~

Five was temporarily out of commission but you were both still horny as fuck as you burst out in the cool night air onto the sidewalk. Both riding the high, you fully intended to take your fun back to one of your apartments. As worked up as you were, coming out of that bathroom, hand-in-hand, quickly cutting through the crowded bar, your discussion hadn’t gone much past both of you smiling like idiots, but you knew the night wasn’t over, that was until you saw Klaus.

“Five?” he questioned, sounding totally shocked to see him as he approached from the opposite direction with his colorful meditation robe bundled around him.

Five slowed to a stop, back peddling a little. You looked from him to your friend, as his hand slipped from yours.

“Hey there, little brother,” Klaus said, “Would have never thought I’d see you out this late. What’s this?” He pointed at you with one of his latex covered gloves, the motion exposing his usual weird bubble wrap inner padding system that he liked to keep secured around him, so as he put it, he didn’t die while accidentally getting run over. “I didn’t know you guys knew each other,” Klaus added as he waved the hand holding his Styrofoam cup between the two of you.

It was subtle, but Five moved away from you a little more as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, trying even harder to hide that he’d been touching you.

Looking very uncomfortable, Five cleared his throat. “Well, Klaus, what with the nature of my employment, I am known to leave my apartment from time to time, and it’s not like I see you that often, so you wouldn’t know that. I also wasn’t aware that I needed to keep you updated with who my acquaintances are.”

Five looked at you for the briefest of moments, no indication of the sweet guy he had been in his now hardened eyes.

“We live in the same building,” Five irritatedly furthered, as he looked at Klaus again. “Happened to run into each other a bit ago while picking up dinner, so yeah… That’s it.”

“You guys going anywhere else fun? I’d love to join you, catch-up on life before the big family reunion b-day party next weekend.” Klaus held up his drink again. “This tea is amazing. I got it at a place about a block down. I’ll buy you guys one,” he pushed as you silently tried not to let it show how confused you were.

You’d met Klaus over a year before while at a park. He was there alone, sitting under a shady tree, legs crossed, eyes closed while positioned in namaste, when one of your friends threw a frisbee that glided over and clocked him in the side of the head, which was the only part of him not covered with protection from germs or flying projectiles.

Running over to apologize, from that point on, you’d been friends with the slightly odd, but always interesting spiritualist. The fact that Klaus was Five’s older brother, one of the other six orphans he’d told you he’d grown up with, was as crazy and unsettling as the way Five was acting all of a sudden.

As if you weren’t already feeling like shit, then Five said, “No thanks. I’ll have to pass on the tea. I have work to do at the office. I’ll see you around.”

“You still doing cool secret government stuff?” Klaus questioned, but Five didn’t answer him, or specify if he meant he’d see you around, or just his brother, then he strode off, his breath a plume of white in the night air as he quickly rounded the corner like he couldn’t get away quick enough.

~~~

The work week came and went, and you didn’t run into Five again, but that didn’t mean you hadn’t thought about him about a million times.

Of course, you asked Klaus about him, and he asked you about you and Five. Klaus said that his brother was super secretive. He said that he thought Five worked for the government in some capacity, but really, he wasn’t sure, but you were pretty sure that was a lie.

Klaus said Five was a loner and that he didn’t get out socially that much, so he was floored when he saw him laughing and smiling, walking down the street with you, and that part you figured was true.

When Klaus pressed you about Five, you could tell that he knew you were lying when you went along with Five’s story, by not giving him anything new, other than you’d eaten dinner with him since you both happened to be sitting at the same bar.

You said you were being neighborly. That was it.

You both weren’t telling the whole truth, and you both knew it.

As much as you wanted to tell someone how mad you were about what Five had done, it sure as hell wasn’t going to be his older brother. The way Five played you was dirty, but you weren’t the type to start shit.

Five was a prick. End of story.

You didn’t know if he was ashamed of people knowing about him being with you, or it was just his family knowing about it, or if he just used you to get off and that’s all it ever was.

It didn’t matter.

You felt so stupid because you had felt like you had something real with him, something that was maybe a bit too much based on an intense sexual attraction and a shared craving to one up the other with cocky remarks and flirty jokes, but there was also something else. When you were with Five, it felt like you were all that he could see. And even more important, he saw you how you wanted to be seen.

You wanted to get lost in him and the feeling seemed to be mutual, but you were wrong.

What Five did hurt. There was no other way to put it.

When you came and went from your place, a part of you wanted to run into him, and another part of you never wanted to see him again. Some days when you couldn’t stop thinking about that asshole’s smile and those dark lashes of his fanning his pale cheeks, you contemplated going up a floor to kick his door in, to either jump his bones or kick him in the nuts, maybe both.

You didn’t.

It had been a long day, and the last thing you wanted was to go out. You were planning on having over a group of guys to watch a horror movie marathon. It was going to be a mixed group, old friends and Klaus.

Klaus always seemed lonely, too obsessed with keeping himself from getting sick or avoiding quicker, more gruesome forms of death, so you weren’t about to leave him out. He needed to get outside of his head and so did you. Klaus was someone that needed a friend and you were happy to bring him into your fold, even if he often remained quiet, or nervously excitable. He could be so hot and cold, and so detached, and something about that reminded you of Five.

They were brothers, so…

No. 

No, you were not going there.

Fuck Five.

You dropped some bags of chips and other junk food on the table in front of the couch, busying yourself with getting things ready for your guests, rather than wasting your time thinking about Five.

Life goes on, your friends showed up and as usual, Klaus was late, but when he knocked on your door with his brother in tow, you naturally did a double take because you were so floored.  

“Mind if I join you?” Five sheepishly asked while handing you a bottle of very expensive looking Scotch, the same brand he kept buying you at the bar.

There you were, wearing your favorite sweats and frumpy faded t-shirt, and there he was, looking amazing as always in his slim fit white dress shirt and usual black slacks, but gone was the self-assured guy who strutted into your life and then stomped on your dick.

He looked so nervous and unlike himself that all you could bring yourself to do was take the bottle as you nodded your head, stepping aside to let them in.

Klaus came waltzing in, minus his usual bubble wrap bumper vest, which you assumed he left at Five’s apartment before coming down to yours. He instantly took his place on your recliner since you’d abandoned it.

“Since, my dearest little brother lives in your building and you two are friends, I figured I’d stop by and see if he wanted to join us,” he explained, clearly aware that you weren’t thrilled. “With how chummy you two looked the other night, I was surprised that you hadn’t already plucked Five out of his boring man cave,” he added while wagging his eyebrows at you.

“Funny, when inviting my friends over, thinking anything about Five and our chumminess totally slipped my mind,” you muttered, as you glared at the jerk you did not want there who was still expectantly staring at you.

The asshole was standing there on your door mat, looking about as clueless as ever, so you waved him on. “Don’t just stand there. Come on in. Join the party. We’re about thirty minutes into the first ‘Scream’ movie.”

“Are you sure this is, okay?” Five quietly asked, clearly not wanting anyone else to hear as you shut the door behind him.

“Why wouldn’t it be,” you shot back, the anger in your voice impossible to hide.

“It’s not what you think. I am sorry,” he tried.

“Whatever,” you snapped. “Hey, Klaus!” He looked up with his mouth full of popcorn. “Introduce your brother, please.”

After dismissing him, with no other choice Five walked out to meet your friends.

Entering your kitchen, you got down some tumblers to pour everyone a glass of Five’s ‘you sucked my dick and then I rejected you,’ peace offering or whatever the fuck it was supposed to be.

“Gentleman, my ass,” you breathed before coming out to the living room with your hands full of the sloshing liquid.

Of course, there was nowhere to sit but next to him on your L-shaped couch. Five was at the hooked end, doing his best to look somewhat comfortable.

Like before they came, mostly everyone ignored the addition to the party as they zoned out, watching the movie, making comments here and there. As it was before, everyone was just chilling, lounged out on your furniture. Deputy Duey was being a dipshit that you couldn’t help but love, and terrified girls with big tits, and stupid horny guys ran for their life, screaming as the ghost-faced killer sliced and diced them.

It would have been great, exactly what you needed, but Five’s presence was making it anything but relaxing for you. He was so close; you could feel the heat of his leg next to yours as the silent tension between you grew. The way he was bouncing his knee made it clear he wasn’t feeling very comfortable either, but fuck him.

Nearing the end, when the masks came off, Five’s agitation had gotten noticeably worse. He could hardly hold still. You could tell he wasn’t okay. His hand laying against his leg was shaking. Not even thinking, you reached over, placing yours over it.

His breath hitched as he looked at you. “Excuse me,” he whispered, abruptly pushing himself up off the couch.

As he passed, Klaus gave his brother a worried glance, but you told him to stay put as you got up to follow Five.

Coming around the partition dividing your small living space, you saw that Five had himself leaned back against your kitchen counter, head down, pinching his forehead between two fingers.

“Not enjoying the movie?” you sarcastically asked.

Five pulled in a long breath AS he looked up at you. “I am afraid that as an ex-assassin, there is something about these tragically misguided young men happily stalking their prey before slicing them apart with blunt objects that hits a little too close to home.”

You blinked rapidly. “You’re kidding?”

His lip quirked up. “Not entirely.”

“Ah-huh,” you breathed before taking a long pull of your drink while glancing around the corner at the TV in the other room.

“At least part of the motivation for these two bonehead murderers being their secret love affair made this otherwise less than thrilling teen slasher film less boring,” Five furthered, seemingly a little less upset, almost playful as he smiled a little more when you looked at him again.

“What! NO! I love this movie,” you argued, forgetting that you hated him, even playing up how offended you were by his comment over your favorite scary movie. “And hell yes, them being mad as fuck for each other makes this better,” you agreed, followed by a laugh.

Five’s smile fell. “I wish I hadn’t done what I did the other night.”

“Then why did you?”

He ran his hand back, pushing his hair out his eyes, but it fell right back. “Because, when it comes to my family, it’s complicated, and not even factoring them into my life, I don’t know how to be with anyone, and I don’t know if I should be with anyone with the way I am anyway.”

“I don’t get it. If you’re ashamed-"

“It’s not that,” he interrupted, then he raised his voice. “I don’t care if the entire world knows how I feel about you!”

Klaus had been talking, but hearing that, the other room got very quiet.

“You are the first person I want to open myself to like this, or who has ever made me feel this way,” Five said, coming to you, his hands finding yours at your sides as he leaned into you. “I still want this more than anything, I just messed up because I am messed up.”

Coming closer, his lips touched yours so softly for just a fraction of a second. His eyes like gems, implored you-asking forgiveness.

“Since the other night, other than hating myself, I have wanted nothing more than to see your smile again,” he whispered, “even though what I did made it seem like I don’t care about you, that is about the farthest thing from the truth. Will you give me a second chance to show you how much you mean to me?”

You were pretty sure you couldn’t have made your lips form the word no, no matter how hard you tried.

“Are you sure you’re not embarrassed about this?” you questioned, your fingers making soothing circles along the undersides of his wrists.

Five smiled again. “I’m sure.”

“Prove it.”

“You forgive me then?”

“I’m working on it, but you have a lot of making up to do.”

Five’s hand moved around to your lower back, sliding up the back of your shirt, pulling you closer. You nudged his nose with yours.

“Like I said, prove it,” you softly repeated, daring him to show you that he meant what he said about not caring if his family or anyone else knew.

Five glanced over your shoulder, as if he could see your guests even though there was a wall in the way. His hand moved along your hip, slipping below the waistband of your sweatpants. “What do you have in mind for how I can prove it to you, handsome?”

He plucked the knot in your drawstring free, pulling the bunched cotton at your waist, loosening it so his hand could slip inside your pants.

“This, maybe?” he hummed against your ear, his fingers just under the elastic of your briefs.

You looked back at him with pleading eyes.

“Your bedroom is right over there but you want it right here, don’t you dirty boy?” he taunted.

There was no time for a comeback, only a shuttered breath before Five’s hand dove lower and you gasped at the sudden feeling of his finger abruptly entering you.

A devilish smile lit up Five’s face. “Awww… Wet for me already? Such a good boy,” he chuckled as his finger began to move, lovingly stroking the lubrication upwards.

You lowered your head against his neck, your body already tightening with pleasure from the feel of his finger rubbing against your clit.

Five kissed your forehead as you clung to him, his words tickling the shell of your ear as he spoke. "Wanna give our audience a show? You were amazing the other night, but I’m sure if we both try really hard, we can do better this time.”

You whimpered, trying to put your thighs together so you could increase the friction. Five brought another finger into the game trailing his digits up and down before flicking them against you, making you let out a small moan.

A shout came from the other room. “Hey! While you guys are in there, you should make some more popcorn!”

Twisting just enough, you snatched a bag of microwave pop off the counter, furiously tearing into the plastic with your teeth before spitting it out. You reached back, yanking the microwave open, carelessly tossing it in there without looking.

After you slammed the door shut, while smiling at you looking so fucking cocky, Five helpfully reached up, punching in the popcorn button before he hit start. He raised a brow. “Looks like I better get to work. We have a countdown, sweetheart.”

Moving his fingers quickly, jerking you hard, you let out a low groan that got much higher pitched when you felt the warmth of his erection nudging your hip.

Riding Five’s glorious fingers, but thinking of him slowly entering you with his heavy cock instead had your eyes rolling back in your head. The agonizing pace he was setting making your moans of complaint louder.

“That’s it, baby, louder,” he encouraged, gazing at you with half lidded eyes that were so beautiful.

“I need more,” you hissed, gritting your teeth.

“So needy,” he teased, just before his finger dipped inside you again, only this time crooked up just a little before he pulled it out again.

Then, just as you thought the bastard was going to really start finger fucking you, he slipped his hand out of your pants leaving your cunt clenching around nothing. After your waistband snapped against your tensed abs, Five brought his slicked finger to his mouth, making a naughty show of sucking it clean.  

“I fucking hate you!” you growled.

If he tried to leave you with blue balls again, you were going to kill him!

Five gave you a sly grin and you frowned. “I’m going to make you take that back,” he menacingly sang, then suddenly your pants and underwear were tugged down, and your legs were forcefully spread open by his knees wedging yours wide.

His hands come up your sides, moving under your shirt, over your rib cage. His eyes looked into yours, watching you for signs of distress as his fingers moved up, traveling over the flattened planes of your pecs.

You closed your eyes and you felt Five rest his forehead against yours.

His hand smoothed down to your hips again, stopping.

You took a deep breath.

“You are the most handsome man I have ever seen,” he breathed, throwing you off even more.

To say your senses were heightened was an understatement. Every sound your friends made in the other room only added to the tension brewing. All they had to do was come around the corner and they could see you back up against your counter with Five dominatingly standing between your legs as your pants and underwear lay in a heap at your ankles.

Five moved his forehead away from yours. “I will stop if you want me to. If not, you know what to say,” he soothed. “You want me to suck you off, right here. Right now. With them listening.”

 Little explosions started to go off inside the microwave.

 You had never been so hot and bothered in your life. You moaned desperately, “Five, you fucking-!"

"Shh...” Five teased as his hand moved up over your mouth to silence you. "Can’t have you getting too loud. Don’t want anyone thinking I’m in here doing awful things to you.” He leaned in, his breath ruffling the short ends of your hair, his words ominously intimidating. “I want to hear you beg.”

“Please,” you whimpered under his hot fingers.

"Sorry, what was that?" Five asked, sweet as honey while moving his hand a little so you could say it louder.

“Please!”

“That’s it.” Five’s sinful looking grin spread across his entire face.

He got down on his knees. Not taking his eyes off you, he pushed up your t-shirt just a little so he could leave a trail of wet kisses along the fine trail of hair leading from your belly button downward.

He let out a heavy breath, hovering over your sex. “You’re perfect, you know that, right?” he said, then his tongue drug along your length before flicking against the tip of your swollen clit.

“Oh, FUCK,” you loudly cursed.

You tried to relax and keep your hips still as Five licked at you slowly, but with the way his tongue was pushing between your thickened folds it was impossible

A bitten whimper croaked out of you as he licked up a stripe while slowly palming his own dick. You lowered to your head, your fingers threading through his hair, tightening.

You gasped when Five began sucking you. His hum of approval and the sting of pleasure from his teeth accidentally dragging as he sucked a little too roughly, left your thighs shaking and the next thing you knew, you were grinding down on him trying to get more.

Undeterred, by you humping his face, Five continued to contentedly lap at you. At this point, you didn’t know what to focus on, the pleasure that was tearing through your veins, the screams coming for movie, the people who could come in the kitchen at any second, or the fact that there was no way Five was able to breathe correctly with the way he was going at it, his whole face buried between your legs, fucking you.

Everything clouded over. His hands were plastered to your thighs, his hair was sticking out in a million places, and his tongue kept probing inside your entrance, devouring you before he came back up to harshly flick at your clit again.

Your body fought against the invasive sensation. Vulgar noises were being forced out of you, but you couldn’t cum no matter how badly you wanted to.

The microwave beeped.

“I-I fff-fu-ah-ck,” you stammered as you tugged at Five’s dark waves, attempting to separate your throbbing sex from his mouth, but he wasn’t having any of that.

He grasped your waist, holding you in place, hungrily demolishing you. He was like an animal, the scratchiness of his very light stubble only adding to the brutality of what he was doing to you.

It felt like every nerve in your body was being touched at once. You were being torn apart more and more with each trail of his tongue and rub of his fingers, pinching and pulling you between forefinger and thumb as he sucked your clit like a dick.

As your orgasm hit, it felt electric, a flash after flash of hot white light.

Five made you cum so hard that you totally forgot that he was fisting his own cock, but he sure was, and he was loudly moaning while doing it and still sucking you with the most tender of kisses, making sure not to leave you until you’d ridden out all your crashing waves of pleasure.  

When he finally came up for air, his face from his eyes down was shining and his smug grin proved that he could have cared less that he was a mess.

 “So, did you enjoy cumming on my face?” he rhetorically questioned.

He lifted himself off the ground, staring at you as he leaned in, connecting your lips, making you taste yourself on his tongue.

“I am not sure. It was okay, I guess,” you said, smirking when he pulled away, wiping his face and then yours with the sleeve of his shirt.

“Maybe one more try, with a little more tongue and teeth this time and you’ll have a more definitive answer?” he suggested.

He started to drop back down, and even though your body felt like jello, you pulled him back up easily enough.

As you were reaching to pick up your pants, Five took advantage of you dropping your guard to quickly spin you around, your socked feet slipping on the floor before he aggressively pulled your hips out, making you present your ass to him.

You heard him hastily unhooking his belt, the metal clanking together before you heard his zipper coming down, then his body molded to your backside, the tip of his thick cock dangling between your legs.

“We aren’t done and I’m not stopping until they know you’re mine,” he said while lovingly massaging the side of your ass.

He started nudging himself against your inner thigh and you let out a little whimper. “So cute, just like your little dick,” he mocked. Then he moved his hand around you, tugging you out a little more from the counter so he could grope you, making you shudder.

He slapped your ass hard, the thwack sure to make everyone’s head in the other room spin in your direction. You jolted up. You heard your friends laughing, then Five spanked you again. "Fuck!” you cried, moving your ass against his cock even tighter.

“You really want it, don’t you baby,” Five growled in your ear, slapping your ass again.

“Please!" you begged with your head falling back against Five’s shoulder before rolling to the side so you could see him.

“You want danger?” he purred as he yanked up his shirt, letting his predatory eyes narrow at the sight of his cock wedged between your cheeks.

You said nothing, so, looking like a mad man, he reached up, taking hold of your neck.

You whined and squirmed in his grasp as his other hand cupped you bare. He slid his fingers inside as his thumb swirled over your slippery clit. Before you could make a sound, he started to choke you. 

He fingered your hole roughly, as he cut off the flow of oxygen to your brain. You couldn’t even think. You were drowning with desire, your body submitting.

Five started to rut his hips into you as you lost your mind, moaning into the palm of his hand.

That’s when Klaus called out. “How’s that popcorn coming, boys? Better not be any dick in it!”

As Five fucked into you and his second finger slide inside, you all but screamed through his fingers. “Mmmfff-fuck, Ff-ive!”

If Five hadn’t thought to muzzle you, you were being so loud, it wouldn’t just be the people in the living room aware of what he was doing to you.

As if that wasn’t enough, Five bit down on your shoulder through your shirt, thrusting as hard and as fast as he could go.

You felt your orgasm building all the way from your toes to your stomach. Your calves painfully flexed as you bucked your hips, trying to get more.

Five let out a moan of his own, and the pleasure of his fingers, the dizziness of being choked, along with the pain from his teeth marking had you clenching around his fingers.

The only sounds that could be heard in the room were the sounds of squelching, your moans, and Five’s sexy grunting.

Yanking your face back, he took his hand off your mouth, forcing his tongue onto yours, aiming to take you for all you were worth.

Your walls contracted around him, spilling fresh liquid pleasure with his every thrust.

His breath and his movements started getting more erratic, and he let out a few manic sounding noises.

He only stopped slipping his dick up and down your crack for a second to reposition himself. Apparently, the new angle was even better for him because when he started back up, his fingers in you started to move again too and that got you cursing and gasping into his hand again.

"Good boy. Let it out. Your pussy is mine now,” he growled, but he didn’t let you let it out as he clamped down on your mouth harder and slammed into you with all the energy he had.

You peaked again, him clinging to you, your stifled gasps hissing through his fingers.

“So perfect,” he breathed, then he let you free, the air filling your lungs doing nothing to clear your clouded mind and you helplessly slumped over.

One of his hands kept a tight hold on your hip, the other taking care of his own need. The sight of you bent over on the counter in front of him had Five grunting and growling as he stroked himself, his cum splattering all over your abused ass.

When Five was done, he crashed into you, pulling you up in a lovers embrace from behind, panting harder than he had been the entire time. The second he had enough air to speak, he did. “That was- Fuck."

You were out of it, legs shaking, mouth agape, head lolling to the side. He grabbed your face and languidly kissed you before breaking away, his lips moving along your sweat moistened neck as he said, “I want you and only you and I don’t care who knows. Don’t you ever question that again.”

“Ready or not, the men out here are demanding a proof of life check after that beautiful screaming performance, and we need more sustenance, so pull your pants up! I am coming in,” Klaus suddenly shouted.

Scrambling, you and Five both untangled yourselves. He snatched your hand towel off the counter, taking it to your butt cheeks, doing his best to wipe you first, then himself.

Dropping to the floor, he started pulling your sweatpants up, then sure you had them in hand, Five started trying to fix his own rumpled clothing.

“Is my little brother behaving himself?” Klaus questioned and by the way he said it, you could tell he had a huge smile even before he rounded the corner, eyeing you both up proudly.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Five fired back, with his pants only just zipped up, the ends of his belt hanging in front of the prominent tent he was still sporting. 

“Oh, I don’t know… Sounded like you were getting a little frisky in here is all,” Klaus replied.

Five reached over, opening the microwave, throwing the bag of popcorn at his brother.

As one would expect, Klaus started tossing the bag, hand to hand. “Ouch! Hot! Hot!”

You couldn’t help but laugh. That’s how mind blowingly dazed you were. You could tell it took a great deal of effort for Five to pry himself from you and you were still having a hard time standing up straight, so you had no idea how he was composing himself so well but then again, he didn’t just cum three times.

“If only I could blink us out of here,” he muttered while sticking the prong of his belt through the length, tightening it as he looked at you fumbling the strings on your sweatpants.

“Blink?” you questioned, unable to stop laughing as you said it because for the life of you, you couldn’t perform the simple task of tying a knot.

“What my adorable brother is referring to,” Klaus said, “is a thing we used to call a thing he used to do.” He reached out, ruffling Five’s already fucked up hair. “He’s super fast, but you already knew that,” he said while winking at you, “He used to be able to blink or as the common man says, telapor-"

“If you don’t shut your yapper, I am going to shut it for you,” Five snapped, while reaching over to tie your pants up since you’d failed and they were already slipping down.

“Oh… Not going there yet. Okay,” Klaus said as he shrugged off whatever Five was angrily trying to get him to shut up about. “You two joining us for the second movie?” Klaus mumbled with a handful of freshly popped kernels in his mouth.

You looked at Five. He took you by the hand, grabbing the bottle of liquor off the counter in his other, leading you out there.

Moving to your spot on the couch, Five sat down first, pulling you down next to him. As soon as you were seated, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you in tighter, his lower leg hooking yours to him as he took your throw blanket, tossing it over you both.

“So, you guys a thing now,” your buddy next to him asked while giving you a smart-ass grin.

Five glanced at you. He squeezed his hand that was already in yours. “Yes,” you firmly stated and just like the amazing friends they were, they all let it go. They could see this is what you wanted. It was written all over your hopeful face.

You leaned back against Five’s warmth, the comforting rise and fall of his chest reassuring you that everything was as perfect as it seemed.

Every so often, as his fingers absentmindedly trailed down your arm, Five would softly kiss the side of your cheek, then nuzzle his face into your hair.

~~~

When you woke, hours later to one of your friends leaving and Five attempting not to wake you as he quietly answered something his brother had just said, you had no idea what time it was.

“Klaus was planning on staying at my place,” Five whispered. “We have that family birthday thing early in the morning and we are riding together.” He slid you out from under him. “You want me to carry you to your room?” he asked, as he righted himself.

“I doubt you could,” you said back while smiling up at him in the dim light as you stretched your legs out, accidentally kicking your zonked out friend who was sprawled out on the other end of the couch.

“Goodnite,” Klaus whispered, before he went out the door.

Swooping down, Five gently kissed you and kept on kissing you until you started to laugh over how obviously he didn’t want to go. “Best night of my life,” he chuckled, his own smile stretching as he finally pulled away. “I’ll be back sometime early afternoon. Can I see you again?”

Stroking your fingers along his jaw, you whispered back, “You better.”

Five’s tired eyes softened even more. He brushed his lips against yours one more time.

Then he was gone.

~~~

Back to reality, your mind lost in a past that doesn’t exist anymore while your body remains stuck in a present form of hell you can’t escape, lying there in your bed, you keep trying to work through your memories of Five.

For his part, like he always does at night, Five stays with you in the only way he feels that he can, over 60 years of time separating you as he sits in his chair in front of the Infinite Switchboard.

After thrashing around in your blankets, reliving things you don’t want to let go, giving into your body’s most primal urges, you shove your hand in your pants, digging your fingers against your clit, tugging and pulling and rubbing. Breathing heavily, your release comes and goes way too fast, giving you nothing to replace the man you refuse to let go.

Finally, worn out and mentally broken, your breathing slows, and your eyes close.

You fall into a fitful sleep, your face pinched with the same stress it’s had since you entered your apartment earlier that night.

A few minutes before this, with his reddened eyes darting around as he tries to squash his own anguish, trying in vain to convince himself that what he’s seeing isn’t because of him, Five throws his arms down on the messy desk space, burying his face in the fold of his arm.

You’re upset, that much he is willing to admit.

You have old news clippings of him and his faded collector cards, and other silly trinkets from the days the Umbrella Academy meant something to the world.

You only have his.

Going through the list of issues in his head, Five comes up with only more problems with all this.

All that is something, but it's not like you would be harboring some old crush on the nerdy little 13-year-old he was in those pictures, because back when those cards were cool, you were only four years old! Back then, you probably didn't even know your address, let alone who the kids who lived at the Umbrella Academy were. But despite that, you clearly have something going on and it’s clearly aimed at him.

You moan repeatedly as the blankets covering you shuffle.

“Fuck…” Five breathes as he looks up, realizing what you are doing.

What you have going on is clearly at least partially a horny thing, and an angry thing, and fuck, fuck, FUCK!

Five can’t stop looking at you writhing against your hand.

He shifts his legs apart, refusing to give his hardening cock the attention it's screaming for. It’s bad enough that he’s watching you jerk off, but doing that with you, like this…

No.

“God damn it!” he curses, kicking his legs out, throwing his hands back behind his head as he forces himself to look at the floor.

No one else remembers, so there is no way you do! 

This has to be something else causing this, right?

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he looks back up. Your breaths are slowing. Your hand slips up along your stomach, laying limply against your t-shirt.

Your eyes stay closed and Five wants so badly to kiss the lids covering them. Since he can’t, he does what he’s always done, he imagines the things he wants.

Shutting his own eyes, he imagines himself there with you, protectively folded around you, your bodies illuminated by the muted silhouettes from the leaves fluttering outside in the canopy of trees outside your window. 

He can almost feel himself kissing the moonbeam dancing across your cheek, flickering along the ridge of your nose-almost.

There’s no warmth to this dream, no sensation of your touch lovingly holding him back.

This is all there had ever been for Five for nearly a lifetime, but now, thanks to you, he knows what it’s like to have something real, and now he is drowning in the shocking reality of his endless loneliness.

Chilled, but unwilling to move to an office to throw himself down on something more comfortable, when his breathing melts into a rhythm of rest, Five floats away with you, going into a nightmarish dreamscape, a place moments before the world fell apart and he lost you.

~~~

As your sleep deepens, you start tossing and turning, your mind projecting images of you bursting out the doors of your apartment. You didn’t care how terrified you were or that you had no weapon to defend yourself against whatever was happening. You had to get to Five.

You took off, sprinting down the sidewalk in the direction of the explosions, rather than in the opposite direction like everyone else was doing.

The sky was casting a strange glow of orange and violet light over everything. It looked like an alien landscape, not the loud city with its shops and business filled with people doing normal things, unless you considered running for their life normal.

You knew it was crazy for you of all people to think you could do anything to help, but it was also crazy that the Five apparently had superpowers, but you'd seen it for yourself on your TV, and the people with him did too.

You kept on, moving along, seeing the destruction getting worse the closer you got to where the news had shown the fighting.

The air near the ground was thick with black smoke as you got closer, but you kept going, knowing from what you’d seen on the news that Five was there, but nothing could have prepared you for it when you rounded a corner and saw all of them. Like some kind of science fiction movie on crack, everywhere you looked, unexplainable things were happening that shouldn’t be.

It was madness, all of it, the way Five was disappearing and reappearing, the way they were shooting laser beams from their eyes and throwing cars like they were nothing. Klaus was there too, like some kind of oracle, casting his hands out, making phantom-like figures appear out of nowhere, all the luminous bodies he’d created readily joining the fight.

Either brave or stupid, you started to cross the battlefield of flipped cars that lay between you and them, staying down, trying not to get hit by the barrage of bullets and other things flying in your direction.  

Five was yelling, calling for everyone to get together. He wasn’t okay, you could see that. He was staggering, trying so hard to stand in the storm that was enveloping him.

He fell to his knees, screaming for them. 

Blood smeared across his face as his hand came up, wiping his cheek. 

The blood was gushing from his nose and seeping down his neck from his ears, but he kept screaming for them. The near blinding light kept growing, extending out from his hands and entire body.

Between broken car windows, you watched as the group gathered around him, two of them looking like they were sending out some kind of force field that was keeping them safe from the bullets and the fire-like aura that was glowing down from the sky.

Then, to your horror, you realized the fire was actually coming from some of them. Their flesh was cracked and blackened, like lava was running under their skin.

They were burning. 

Five was burning!

Your voice cut through the air, penetrating the chaos. “FIVE!”

Just then, extreme pain was the only way to describe what you felt. 

A deafening blast sent you flying, slamming your spine against the door of an upside-down car. Pain radiated through you. You reactively curled in on yourself. You desperately clasped your hands over your ears, trying to block out the high-pitched sound that was trying to stab your brains out, but you painfully realized that the ringing wasn’t something you could stop.

You could hardly move, gasping for air that wouldn’t fill your lungs, but then suddenly Five was next to you, eyes wide, searching you over, saying something, but all you could see was his lips moving as his hands frantically moved over you, trying to cover all the places where your clothes were becoming wet with blooming circles of red.

You watched Five’s mouth repeating the words, “I will fix this.” He was saying it over and over.

Then, just like that, stinging pelts of liquid hit your face as the side of Five’s skull ripped open.

You watched as if in slow motion as the inside of his head spilled out like a macabre brain soup. Then you watched in horror as he tumbled over, your shell-shocked body not working fast enough to catch him.

The side of Five’s ashen face slammed into the glass covered concrete.

Scrambling to your knees, you pulled him to you, his broken head rolling limply in your lap as you screamed. 

Your tears mixed with his blood. 

You didn’t even notice Klaus until he was right there. He came sprinting to a stop a few yards away, seeing you and his brother.

“Help him,” you begged. You refused to take your eyes from Five’s, then Klaus took off, shouting something.

“No, no, no! Please, no!” you wailed as Five remained motionless, legs twisted in a way that made him look so small.

Five was not small. He was strong and he was…

He was everything.

Suddenly a wind from nowhere started whipping up tiny bits of debris from all around you. Looking up, you saw the impossible. There was a ghostly image of Five out in the street next to his brother where they were standing in a blue-ish purple electrical storm filled with glistening marigold, fire and light.

You could see Five over there, but he was also still with you, his warm blood matting his dark strands of hair, coating your fingers as you cradled his head as if you could fix the damage done to him if you willed the hole in him closed, but his empty green eyes continued to stare off at nothing.

The torrents of energy that Five had been violently projecting before he’d appeared over by you grew stronger, making it near impossible to make out anything happening over by them, but you were able to see him out there, lightning filled hands clenched like claws as fire like sparkles swirled around him and the strange static and twinkling lights of power weren’t just coming from Five. It was coming from all of them, as if mixing.

Dazed, and evidently not stable, they all simultaneously fell to their knees, but Five didn’t this time.

His face was no longer spattered with his blood as he looked up, past his siblings as they fell to the ground as if they were puppets whose strings had just been cut.

As your eyes met, it was as if you were seeing Five for the first time ever, seeing all versions of him, and it wasn’t just happening to him, though the ghostlike projections of Five were dramatically different compared to those of his siblings. He was older in some of them, but you were sure it was him, with that funny mustache and his same soft eyes.

Five was that man, and then he wasn’t again, he was just a boy, so young, so angry, nothing but skin and bones, his tormented face covered in ash and grime. 

All of them, all the different versions of them were morphing, snapping together with alternate images of themselves, like a flip book that’s pages clapped with thunder as they turned.

Then, out of nowhere, out of anyone who could have been out there in all that madness, Reginald Hargreeves, the richest man in the world, was towering over you. His expression was serene as he looked down at the dead boy you were crying over. Then he looked up, his expression not scared at all as he said, “Hold on to him. It will all be over soon.”

Bleeding out and going into shock, you looked back out at the other Five. Even in the distance, you could see his mouth. 

His mouth! The one you knew intimately, pulled up just a little as he gave you a dreamy smile, as if he was seeing something in all this that you couldn’t.

You screamed Five’s name as the ball of fire inside him began to consume what was left of his crumbling body.

“No!” you cried, but this time Five couldn’t hear it.

The bubble around them burst, life and death, creation and destruction, you, Five, all of it and time itself, all tied to him and the tale of rebirth, and it was coming for you in a wall of fire.

Your own terrified scream echoing inside your head was the last thing you heard.

Then you were all gone.

~~~

“NO!” You cry out, trying to free yourself from your knotted blankets. You’re in the darkness of your bedroom again, no longer holding Five’s dead body while you watched the ghost of him in the distance, being taken away by an otherworldly fire.

Your heart feels like it could rip out of your chest, it's pounding so hard.

Your hands come up, digging at your eyes as if you can make it all go away, but the heat of your tears is as real as the pain of losing him. “Please no,” you helplessly whimper as you pull your legs up under your arms so you can drop your head between your knees. “I need you, Five,” you sob, your body shuddering.

“I am here, please don’t cry, I am so sorry.”

Your head shoots up, your eyebrows flying halfway up your face, the thumping in your chest threatening to do you in as you blink, over and over, seeing Five right there, at the side of your bed, looking like he just woke up, but looking as beautifully disheveled in his three-piece suit as he always does.

“Ff-Five?” your voice cracks.

“Hey, handsome,” he quietly breathes as he sinks down on the bed next to you, his legs dangling over the side as he reaches over, gently brushing a sweat-dampened piece of hair out of your eyes.

“You you-you-"

“I know,” Five says, pulling you to him.

Arms around him, he squeezes you tight. You breathe in, your face buried against his collar because you’re still not sure he’s real.

“I didn’t think it was possible, but-” He stops, pulling back enough to make you look at him. His eyes glaze over in thought as he lets out a shaky breath. “No one else but us remembered, and I didn’t-" His teary words catch in his throat. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I never should have-” A single tear rolls down his cheek. “I never should have let this happen, but nothing could have prepared me for you and how you made me feel, and I- Even if you remember me, I shouldn’t be here, but I heard you crying, and I had to-"

He tries to pull away.

“NO! Don’t you dare go!” You give Five’s shoulders a little shake, “Don’t you dare leave me again! And what the hell do you mean you heard me? Where were you, in my fucking closet!”

“No, I was pathetically hiding out in a musty old office building in 1955.”

“Okay- Okay-" Your heart is racing so hard you can’t think but that makes no sense. “What the fuck, Five!”

He lowers his face like he wants to disappear and that only makes you cling to him tighter.

“The place I am talking about, and my association with it is a long story,” he starts, “-and I promise I will tell you everything if you want me to, but the reason I was there now was because it’s the only place I could go to see you.” He looks up, his eyes filling. “There’s a machine I invented, it lets the operator dial in places and times. I have missed you so fucking much,” he rambles, clearly spiraling, but you refuse to let him go no matter how confused and mad you are.

“Look, the things you say are just- Yeah.” You let out a puff of air, shaking your head over all this craziness. “But I want you! I don’t care about the rest!"

“I’m not who you think I am. I have done so many horrible things,” he interrupts.

“Five, I know that you are so many more things than what I thought you were in the beginning, but I want all of them. I saw you! All of you! You had a mustache for Christ Sake! I know who you are!”

“You don’t know all of it,” he whispers.

“I don’t care! You saved us. I don’t understand it, but I know you did. You were the only one in the end before everything disappeared. I thought you were dead!”

“I know.”

“You told me that I’m the first person you wanted to open yourself up to,” you continue, “Did you mean it when you said that?”

His lower lip quivers as he nods. “I meant every word of it, and you are still all I want.”

“Then don’t leave me again!” you shout at him, pushing him down on your bed.

Five still looks totally lost but with your insistence, he surrenders himself to you heavily crawling on top of him.

Fully reclined, you throw your leg over his, coming down at his side to tuck your head under his chin, effectively detaining him but letting him breathe. You can hear his heart hammering in his chest as he looks down at you peering up at him. 

His eyes search yours he quietly asks, “Are you sure you still want this?”

“Yes, I am sure,” you insist.

His long fingers trace a line up your back, skating the surface of your shirt.

“Please talk to me, Five. I meant it when I said I want this with you more than anything.”

“Why?” he questions, sounding so dejected.

You sit up, straddling him so you can keep him trapped but also take him on, face to face. “Because even with all the crazy things you told me, knowing what I know now, I think you were telling me the truth about all of it, and you know what, I am not scared. I don’t care how old you are, or if you were an assassin. I don’t care what you’ve done to get here. All that matters is you are.”

“You mean that?” he whispers, reaching around you, his long fingers tracing a soothing line up your back.

You nod and his hand comes up, moving to the back of your head, pulling your lips to his in a chaste kiss that ends all too fast.

You try to kiss him again but Five turns his head, squirming away, not letting you.

Your eyebrows come together in frustration.

“You know… For all my mistakes, I finally thought I had it all figured out, but then this…” His voice trails off as his hands move around your backside, grabbing your ass. “This never should have happened. You weren’t supposed to remember, but you evidently do, or you wouldn’t be trying to hump my leg because you know that getting me hard is going to help you get your way.”

You look down where your crotch is pinning his quad, and he laughs.

You’re just about to tell the asshole you are not trying to hump his leg when he says, “The reason I think you remember,” He cracks a sad smile, making him look so beautifully broken, “The reason you remembered, is because I fell in love with you. A part of you was with me in the end and I couldn’t let it go. You’re a part of me now whether you like it or not.”

“You love me?”

“More than anything.”

In the subsequent silence, your shoulders wither, a single thought floating among the sea of worries in your mind.

You love him too.

You come at him, there’s no stopping you from kissing him. Like you are doing to him, Five’s hands grasp at your body, everywhere they can reach, caressing, groping, pinching, anything to feel each other. 

Jutting your cunt across his thigh, you assault his lips, drawing your teeth across his pout in retribution for him thinking you wouldn’t want this.

Stroking his neck, his hands holding you in place, he moans as you grind his leg. Adding to your pleasure, Five begins exploring your neck with his tongue, tasting your skin, licking the sweat of your nightmare clean off as you rut into him, panting and gasping, filling the quiet of the small room.

Boldly sticking your hand down your pants, rubbing your cock, you lower your voice as deep as you can as you ask, “Did you watch me do this?”

“Yes,” Five rasps, his hands moving down, suddenly taking you by the waist. Like lightning striking, the air around you lights up, every nerve ending in your body comes alive as you’re flung through a swirling storm of sapphire, coming back to the present a millisecond later with your back slamming on your mattress.

Head still spinning, Five falls over you from the air, his body still glowing in his whirl of magical light. His irises dance with embers as he dives in, kissing your neck again.

“What. The Fuck Was That? Did you just teleport me?” you deliriously groan as he attacks you.

"No, I blinked you," he corrects, "It's a spontaneous reaction to having a very naughty boy trying to fuck my lap,” Five informs you with his lips at your earlobe, before kissing down, gnawing on your jaw, as he attempts to blindly unbutton his shirt.

Oh, my God, this man...

Not satisfied with the speed, you begin to help him, and his smile at your impatience is almost as hot as the sight of him laying over you, shrugging it off. Five is nothing but lean valleys of muscle, all pointing to the dangerous weapon he’s packing in his pants, but interestingly enough, his famous Umbrella Academy tattoo on his wrist isn’t the only tattoo he’s got.

Seeing geometrically balanced circles and lines criss-crossing in the middle of his chest must have you making the funniest looking face because Five starts laughing.

“This,” He points to the black and gray washes of ink marking him. “This is evidence of one of my many blunders through time, but it’s worth the pain and looking like a fucking idiot if it means I get to see you looking at me like that.”

You trace the lines. “You are beautiful, Five, all of you.”

“As long as you think so, because I think I’m stuck with it now,. I am a complete package of the old me, the young me, and the tattooed and very fucking horny me,” he says before much more seriously asking, "You ok taking yours off too?"

You nod and Five dips low, using his nose, he starts nudging your t-shirt shirt up. He playfully sucks and nips you all the way up to one of the darkened pink scars under your pecs. Your breath hitches as he traces a line over it with his fingertip, then slowly begins to kiss you there too, his teeth grazing your nipple for good measure.

“So perfect,” he hums, sending a direct signal from you’re the now hardened nub all the way down to your groin. 

As you’re reeling over him saying that and the feeling of him flicking his tongue across your other pec, Five’s hands start moving up your sides, slowly lifting your shirt over your head.

Your legs tense, fighting against the growing ache between them as Five kisses down your torso, marking you where the skin dips at your hip, the palm of his hand hot as it rests over your abs, firmly holding you down.

Already trembling, you let out a small cry of desperation.

Gazing up at you with his pupils blown dark with desire, Five tears open the button holding your jeans closed. Lifting for him, he pushes your remaining clothes down your flushed thighs.

With you fully naked, your bodies roll slightly as Five comes down on the bed next to you. You spread your legs and just as fast, he reaches between them, rolling your clit between thumb and forefinger.

You gasp your approval, “Fuck yeah, don’t stop.”

“Fuck, you’re so hard for me,” Five groans, just below your ear, sending a shiver zipping up your spine as a gush of wet drips out of you. “I can’t get enough of your dick,” he says while playfully pecking your jaw.

“Same,” you gasp, your enlarged clit so sensitive, you can’t help but whine like a puppy when his hand starts to firmly rub it.

Your hand reactively grips his shoulder painfully hard the faster he goes, and his eyes narrow dangerously in response.

Knowing without words what you need, barely thirty seconds into it, two fingers start jabbing inside you, aiming at your sweet spot.

“Holy fuck,” you breath before Five can capture your mouth in a hard kiss again.

As your hips jerk into his hand, Five’s hand snakes down along your side to rub his own cock, all the while he never stops sucking at your neck or giving you needly little licks in between his kisses. Soon the nips get hard enough to make you throw your head back, thrashing.

With Five jerking himself, bucking against you, your hands grip at the sheets, hanging on for dear life as your walls start spasming.

Even though you’re flailing, moaning loud as your hips jerkily fuck into his fingers, you can hear that Five is humming all sorts of dirty things, the vibrations of his words against your throat sending your brain even further down the spiral of your fuckedy fuck land.

Having brought you over the edge, he pulls out. His hand on your thigh moves around you, gripping your ass to pull you in closer as he rolls on top of you.

Five licks at your lips before he slides his hands down to the back of your thighs to pick you up, grinding your crotch into his restrained shaft. “God, I want to fuck you so badly,’ he growls before crashing your lips together again.

Five’s powerful body bears down on you, the drag of his cock between your legs too much but also not enough. Encouraging him to keep up what he was doing, only with his pants off, you try to push his pants down, even as he’s still urgently rocking his hips into you.

“Fuck,” he groans, his teeth grazing your neck as he gasps for air. His hips twitch to a stop at the feeling of his cock about to spring free.

“I want all of you, Five,” you breathe, holding his cheeks under your palms as you pull his head up, making him look at you.

“Are you sure?”

“More than anything. I love you, Five.”

His soft eyes light up as if this wasn’t already obvious. He smiles down at you with an adoring look, caressing your face and pushing your hair aside as you blush under his loving gaze. He leans in to kiss along your jaw and down your neck as he scrambles to remove his pants with you helping him along, hooking your fingers under his tailored waistband, dragging them down his thighs, pushing them the rest of the way off with your feet.

“Oh Fuck,” Five groans as he lowers back down and his cock slips over the moist heat between your legs.

Instinctively, he starts to rut against you again. Before you can do more than hum a moan through your pinched lips, you feel the head of Five’s dick align with your throbbing hole. 

“Protection?” Five impatiently asks, coming to a full stop.

Drunk with desire, all you can do is shake your head no, but the message is clear. You don’t need it.

Tenderly squeezing your ass, with his eyes locked to yours and his voice barely above a whisper, Five asks, “You ready?”

“Yes,” you breathe, keeping your fingers threaded in his thick dark hair, holding him in place with one hand, the other sliding from his muscular back to gripe his shoulder.

He starts to push slowly. “Aw fuck” you moan as just the head of his cock slips in. You throw your head into the pillow, biting your lip to keep from crying out.

Five’s warm breath slowly fans over your neck. He’s not moving a single inch. “Does it hurt?”

“It- It’s good,” you huff, letting out a tense breath as you lift your hips higher, letting him know you can take it.

“That’s it, baby,” he soothes, as your body tightens and quivers along the thick length slowly filling you.

Not even full deep, your brain feels like it’s just flashed on and off and it’s not at all working right.

"You’re so fucking gorgeous," Five patiently huffs, his focus on gauging your every reaction, holding himself still as possible.

“More,” you whine.

You clench involuntarily, letting out a low moan when Five works his hips forward, then back a little, a pleasant change that has you twitching for him even more.

He dips to kiss you, gasping for breath as he opens you even more. Too much for him at once, he takes his kisses to your neck.

He takes a moment to pull half-out of you before digging back in. Firm, slow, and steady, he fucks his hips into you while he bears down with a hiss. Your walls clench him tight, the extra pressure drawing out a moan from both of you.

Your eyes flutter closed as your fingers scratch against Five back. His hips press up, aiming to get as deep as possible, where he stays for one moment before pulling out and thrusting halfway in again and again.

"Fuck, Five, fuck," you slur out as your body begins to slip and slide across your sheets.

He grabs hold of your knee, pushing it back to meet your shoulder, falling into you deeper on his next thrust and you let out wet gasp, before he starts fucking you at a maddening pace, in and out, in shallow thrusts.

As he looks between your bodies, watching with an adorable fascination as his cock disappears inside you, you cry out, “Faster.”

Five obliges.

He really starts moving and the feel of him pumping his whole length inside you has your body arching and writhing up from the bed, lips parted in broken moans that fill the room and your entire apartment and probably your entire floor.

“Yes, Five. Fuck yes! “Don’t stop-fucking-fff,” you stammer, moving your ass up slightly which drives him deeper and brings on more breathless curses from you both. He’s so deep each time his body meets yours he’s knocking the wind from your lungs in breathy consonants and vowels of nonsense.

“Mmmmffff- aaah-ahhh-"

“Fuck-you-rrr-such-ah-good-boy, so tight,” he incoherently gasps along with you, as he pistons his cock into you, his thick tip fucking your cunt just right.

You’re plunging into a freefall, the coiling inside you causing you to cry out his name. At the sound of it, Five’s mouth finds yours, sloppily kissing you.

You’re both breathing too heavily for the kiss to last very long because breathing through your noses isn’t giving either of you enough oxygen. Breaking away, his forehead presses to your shoulder, a curtain of his dark hair falling around it as his strong pelvic slams into you.

"Please- fuck- harder-" you plead, and your magical super boy grants your wish.

Your eyes roll back in your head as Five pounds you harder and faster. Head spinning, your heart feeling like it might burst, your entire body is screaming for release.

“Come on, cum for me,” Five growls before resting his palm over your clit, thrusting his hand in time to his hips.

Your brain is getting shook loose with each slam of his body smacking into yours, and your bed frame isn't doing much better as it creaks and thumps into the wall in a pattern that matches your curses.

"Fuck- Fuck- FUCK-"

You’re reduced to disjointed moans as you fall apart. Shaking head to toe through a mind-melting orgasm, the throbbing intensity as you cum hits you over and over until it completely overwhelms your senses and leaves you speechless.

“That’s right, cream on daddy’s cock,” Five encourages as he quickly flips his head back, his dampened hair falling right back in front of his eyes as he smirks.

“Five- Fu-ffff,” you wetly gasp.

“Ready for another one?” he asks, still undulating his cock as he quirks an eyebrow.

“Ww-wah? How are you doing this,” you ask, meaning how the fuck is he still fucking you! He said he’d been with someone else before, but… Fuck!

His smirk only gets bigger. “Lots of practice with a very receptive inanimate object, named Dolores,” he replies. “Now roll over. Don’t make me count to three,” he warns, before suddenly pulling out, leaving you reeling, his hands on your hips, rolling you over before he pulls your ass high in the air.

The heat of his cock hits your entrance with zero resistance and your body jumps forward when you feel his balls hit your ass.

That move gets you both hissing out strings of discombobulated profanities again as Five holds himself stock still, his eyes closing tight as if he’s in pain..

“Dolores?” you manage to choke.

“Desperate times,” he huffs in way of explanation, then just as the shocking statement he just made and the jolt of him bottoming out is starting to subside, Five smacks your ass, and he’s back to it, fucking into you with a relentless pace.

“Fu-ua-uch-yea-ah, so good,” he disjointedly praises as he rides your ass, hooking his feet inside your ankles so you can’t close your legs.

Your body tightens as his thrusts speed up. You shudder, mouth falling open with a shocked moan as you feel Five’s cock rutting against your insides, demanding every inch of your attention.

With your face down in your mattress, you gasp against moistened fabric. Your shaky fingers clutch at your fitted bedsheet, Five’s brutal pace making steady smack, smack, smack sounds.

You still have no idea how he’s doing it, but Five just keeps on going like his real superpower is that he’s the fucking Energizer Bunny.

Pulling your limp body up to his, Five’s face nuzzles against the back of your neck, hips rolling hard and fast, the sweat from your flush bodies only making it easier for him to fuck into like he’s a well-oiled machine.

“God, you’re magnificent. You feel so fucking good,” he breathes.

"Hnn-mm-unh, uh, uh, please, please-" you moan.

“I’m gonna cum inside you. And you’re gonna cum with me,” Five growls, bearing down on you harder.

You cry out, your next orgasm hitting you as Earth shattering at the first two. You’re shivering, open-mouthed and helpless as you start to feel his warmth spreading with each thrust, Five’s hips jerking slower and slower as he empties his throbbing cock.

He hisses, moaning out a melody of expletives as his hips stutter to a near halt. He just came hard, but that doesn’t stop him as he rolls you against the mattress, coming down next to you, his cock pumping into you a few more times until you’re both left panting and boneless.

He kisses the nape of your neck and tenderly brushes a sweaty strand of your hair from the side of your face. Five stays connected to you until your chests are both rising and falling much slower, then his softening length slips out on its own, a white ribbon of cum immediately spilling out of you, the feel and sight of it making Five let out the softest whimper of distress.

Not letting you go, he kisses your temple.

"That was amazing," he contentedly breathes.

You huff out a sigh in agreement, cheeks flushed, gaze half lidded.

"I didn’t hurt you?" he whispers, a hand coming up to brush over your jaw, so gently. The concern for your wellbeing is reflected in Five’s soft green eyes as he pulls himself up on a wobbly elbow to look at you better.

“Not at all," you mutter with a weak smile as you pull your blankets over, throwing them over both of you.

Five’s hair is sticking up in just about every direction and it’s only adding to the beauty of his dazed grin.

“I’m never leaving you again, that’s unless you make me,” Five murmurs as he lays back down, kissing your shoulder. 

“I can’t see that happening, unless you get all boring, getting up early, only to take afternoon naps on my couch before you finish your old man day with one of your exhilarating crossword puzzles rather than finding new ways you can pounce on me and spank my ass.”

He laughs. There’s an impish glint in his eyes, like the twinkles of distant starlight.

“Awww, sweetheart,” he mocks. “You make all my favorite hobbies sound like bad things” 

You lean into his touch, sighing in contempt before gently whispering, “Go to sleep and I’ll deal with you in the morning.”

Obediently shutting his droopy eyes, he whispers I love you. Then the prick sneakily pulls his hand back, then smacks you in the ass, making you yelp like a little girl.

Ass burning, your heart is full.

This is Five. The wonderful, amazing, sexy jerk you fell in love with.

Next to you, almost as soon as the quiet fills the space between you again, you can tell he’s drifting off to sleep.

Five is finally home.

You roll over just enough to watch him sleeping. 

He looks so peaceful. Like a very naughty angel. The best kind.

You kiss his forehead, and he pulls you back in, making you his little spoon.

Laying there, still trying to take in everything that just happened, you think about all the times Five made jokes about his traumatic life and his loneliness. You caught stolen glimpses of his pain in his sweet but sad smiles, shaking his head, eyelids fluttering closed as he determinedly set his jaw, acting like his memories didn’t hurt him.

Five tried to build a wall around his heart, the barriers entrenched by years of grief, but it all came crashing down at the world’s end. 

Now it’s time for happiness. 

~~~~~~~

Masterpost

Link to my other Tumblr story/art/and asks

Link to visit me direct on A03tua

[rosemarycovet]

billy loomis/stu macher x reader who owns a pet monkey 🙈

(I LOVE MONKEYS SM I WANT ONE SO BAD BRO😭😢)your monkey also doesn’t have a name or gender so you can choose and the monkey is referred as ‘your monkey’

billy

-when billy first found out you had a monkey he was a bit surprised and concerned but still thought it was pretty cool

-at first your monkey did not like billy

-like at all

-your monkey was sassy to billy

-like whenever your monkey would hear billy try to gaslight/manipulate someone or billy says some bull shit to you

-your monkey would give him this face

(the ‘Estúpidos’ pic is your monkey to the people billy successfully gaslights)

-your monkey would be like ‘be fucking for real🤨😐’

-one time billy woke up from taking a nap in your living room to your monkey on his chest holding a sandle about to attack him

-he was low key kinda scared

-billy would glare at your monkey and your monkey would glare back

-whenever billy would come over your monkey would be like ‘not this bitch again 🙄’

-but eventually they warmed up to each other

-I swear billy and your monkey would laugh together when they see some dumbass in a horror movie

-your monkey would also help billy sneak billy from your window into your bedroom

-your monkey would be near your window signaling that it’s safe for him to sneak in

-they are always rolling their eyes or giving stank face to people they don’t like

-they randomly be trying to scare each other😭

-like jumping out of hiding corners jump scaring each other

-one time you even caught billy having a conversation with your monkey even though your monkey couldn’t speak actual words

-you were pretty concerned and confused it was just random

-they go from one minute to hating each other to loving the next

Stu

-stu ADORES your monkey so much

-so does your monkey

-your monkey loves stu

-when stu first found out you had a monkey he wanted to meet your monkey straight away

“YOU HAVE A MONKEY (Y/N/N)?!?”

-when they first met stu gasped and squealed like a school girl

-stu would spoil the fuck out of your monkey

-always buying your monkey costumes/clothes

-they’re always random ass outfits as well😭

-stu is always taking pictures/polaroids of your monkeys as well

-he basically acts like your monkey is your guys child

-they are always taking naps together and snoring as they sleep

-your monkey likes to lay in stu lap or sit on stu’s shoulder as it lightly pulls/grabs on stu’s hair

-stu and your monkey are always have a cheeky smile/smirking at each other like they did something mischievous

-sometimes you think stu is only coming over for your monkey 💀

-stu loves having horror movie nights with you and your monkey

-one time during the winter stu bought your monkey a coat to go outside in the snow (like the funee monkee gif edit/video)

-your monkey was hopping every where in the snow with stu

-your monkey has it’s time of it’s life whenever stu is around

-stu is always awwaing at your monkey 24/7

(I promise you guys i’m working on y’all’s request I just have to get these ideas/drafts out the way I have to many😭)

[thegr33nc0met]

Dating Stu Macher Headcanons ♥︎

Alternative!Reader

CONTENT WARNINGS: NSFW, GN Reader/unspecified anatomy, Switch!Stu (a little heavy on the sub side), Switch!Reader, overstimulation, light bondage, pet names, after care

I’m so sorry this took so long to post and that I forgot to add the cat bit:(( I’ve just been a bit busy with work and stuff but I hope you enjoy!!

SFW

♥︎ Stu loves loves LOVES your style. soft band tees, long flowing clothes and light fabrics? he’s eating you up. om nom nom.

the way they wrap around your body like a silky cocoon is just MAGICAL to him. you’re like a witch covered in fog and spider’s silk bro.

♥︎ if you wear makeup, he is very intrigued by how you do it and will definitely make you put some on him. you know that picture of someone laying on top of another person while they do their eyeliner?? yeah that’s you guys.

he loves when you kiss him and leave a cute little lipstick stamp on his cheek.

same with painting his nails. like if you paint your nails black, he will BEG you to do his as well (i like to imagine he bites his nails, so it’s kinda hard to do with how short they’re bitten down).

♥︎ he’ll discover a band or artist that he thinks is even slightly alternative and he’ll ask if you know them (then make you listen to them if you haven’t). they may not actually be alternative, but he’s trying his best to be supportive<3

LOVES going to concerts with you. the whole vibe of the alternative/goth community is so refreshing to him. he thinks everyone is so chill and nice:)

♥︎ as I’ve stated before, his love languages are gift giving and acts of service. anything you want, he’s gonna get it for you one way or another (whether he buys it or steals it, it’s YOURS). if you guys are hanging out at the local strip mall and you get something, he’ll carry all your shopping bags for you<<33 he’ll buy you things even if you don’t ask for it; you’re constantly getting new clothes and jewelry from him that he thinks you’ll like.

he will hold doors open for you and carry your backpack at school. he’ll even let you hop on his back if you get tired of walking.

Stu definitely calls you cutie. i also think he loves to make up random nicknames on the spot. pookie bear, schnookums, muffin, ducky, sweet potato pie, honey booger.. silly stuff like that, but they’re mostly used in a humorous way. cutie is his favourite pet name for you.

♥︎ loves when you borrow his sweaters, whether they’re big enough to be a dress on you or fit you as a regular sweater, or just a lazy day shirt… it gives him cuteness aggression to the max. he just wants to squeeze you til you pop!!<3

♥︎ MOVIE NIGHTS ALL THE TIME!!! he loves cuddling up against you on the couch, a blanket draped across the two of you as some cheesy slasher film plays on the tv. will go all out with snacks (he’s the type of person to put m&ms in his popcorn so be warned if that’s not your thing).

♥︎ he’s always gotta have an arm slung over your shoulders or hips no matter where you are.

NSFW

♥︎ oh lord… this man.. the first time you guys have sex is a wild ride let me tell you!!

♥︎ STU👏IS👏A👏SWITCH👏!!!

♥︎ he loves going down on you. he wants to give you as many orgasms with his mouth as possible until you can hardly handle it. he wants to give you as much pleasure as he can so you know you’re his. so you know no one else can make you feel as good as he does.

once you’re whimpering and nearly crying from overstimulation, he’ll pull his mouth away from your abused sex and rub his big hands over your trembling legs and coo comforting shushes at you until you settle down before he’s sliding inside. he’ll make you come over and over again until he’s satisfied.

♥︎ but if you wanna be dominant?? USE HIM HOWEVER YOU WANT HE’LL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU AND LET YOU DO ANYTHING TO HIM.

he’s definitely a service bottom when/if you’re dominant. he just wants to make you feel good as possible.

♥︎ if you tease him while he’s bottoming and gets real desperate, he starts giggling like a mad man between broken moans. god he’s just so DESPERATE FOR YOU TO TOUCH HIM.

“hehehehehehha—ungh!~ yes!— heheh..” as a sheen of sweat is covering his hot body and tears are streaming down his cheeks, pooling at his chin, squirming and writhing against the restraints as you teasing drag the pads of your fingers up to his leaking tip. “p-please… just keep touching me like that… you’ll make me feel good? right, cutie? you’ll let me come?” he pants out, biting down on his lip to keep the nervous laughter from bubbling up again, his pretty blue eyes lidded as he stares you down.

♥︎ imagine him throwing his head back and letting out the sluttiest moan when you finally take him inside you after teasing him for so long.

“th-thank you… god, fuck! you feel so fuckin’ good…” he practically growls out, smiling widely in ecstasy as you fuck him. he lets out the most pathetic whimpers and moans when he finally comes inside you, ‘thanks yous’ falling repeatedly from his mouth.

♥︎ he loves giving as much as he loves receiving after care. if it’s not too late at night/if the two of you aren’t too tired, he’ll get a shower running for both of you, and loves to clean you up while pressing gentle kisses to any part of your body he can. he’d love it if you did the same for him. then after the shower, he’ll get you a cup of water before cuddling back up with you in bed and falling asleep<3

comments and reblogs are always appreciated!!🫶

[swampstew]

Period HCs with Monster Trio + Law, Killer, and Kid

Ya girl is wracked with cramps, overflowing with emotions, and seriously lacking in chocolate :( enjoy this utter nonsense my blazed brain baked as I curl back into fetal position.

Summary: Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Law, Killer, and Kid ranked by how they would handle themselves while you have your period. Implied established relationship♡

Minors DNI.

The worst actually. Not on purpose but Luffy's lack of awareness or self-restraint makes it difficult to appreciate his efforts. Not to mention he eats your snacks. You'd think with Nami and Robin on board he'd have some idea of what you're dealing with. Nope, you have to explain it again, it'll stick this time but it comes with another round of curious/invasive questions.

All your period comfort foods? Gone. The replacements? Also gone. You're lucky if there's a crumb of your favorite snack left over. Thankfully for everyone involved, his crew lends him a hand to make sure you're (eventually) satiated with alternatives and don't go on a murder spree during your cravings. On the flip side, Luffy abuses his power as Captain to have Sanji bring you both all the food when the kitchen is finally restocked. Good luck and bite him back if you have to!

His saving grace is using Gear 2 to cuddle and keep you warm. Giving you heated massages, foot and belly rubs until you're purring like a kitten. Unfortunately, he can only do the same thing for so long before growing bored. He needs a lot of intermittent breaks.

Has no tact, will ask you uncomfortable questions about your "thing going on" or your "comma" because he's so very curious and maybe also looking for ways to "fix you." Once he finds out about period poops, its over for you - there will be hourly check-ins. He'll make sure you're well stocked up on absorption products so there's that (also say thank you Nami, Robin and Franky)!

Zoro is shockingly adaptable but I guess if you spend enough time with one girl for two years - and also live with 2 full time - you're gonna learn a thing or two about having a period. Also, surprisingly reliable at getting you what you need, so long as you don't mind 2 hours to 2 business days to get it. Look he's trying ok?!

Be careful with what you say though. If you joke about cutting your uterus out, he'll take you at face value and have his blades ready. No one is a better slice master than he! Why is Chopper having a heart attack? BRB gotta tend to the younger bro.

Is not phased by your bodily changes or anything you might perceive to be "gross." Bodies are natural and they're just doing what they're meant to do, and for what it's worth he's trying to say things that will make you feel better but they don't always land. This comes from a guy who showers maybe twice a week so take the compliments as you will. He means them with his whole heart!

Out of all the guys, he's the only one who will respect your craving habits in a supportive way. That's to say he'll give you everything you want, but he knows when to cut you off before you make yourself sick. He also has a (terrifying) gift of knowing when your body is flushing itself out and he'll be right at your side with a tampon or pad in his hand at the ready. "I'm very in sync with you."

Ranks third because he's so fucking logical and doctorly. The kind of doctor that expects his medical advice and prognosis to outweigh your personal experience/feelings. Has Law ever experienced intense cramping and a headache while gushing a pint of blood and also pulled a full day's shift? No! "Doctoring" immediately invalid. Unless he gives you paid time off in which case his license is once again formally recognized.

On the OTHER hand, he will always have a colorful variety of options for you to take care of your personal business. He buys all biodegradable products, recyclable ones too! He also offers the best choices in birth control for you. Gynecology wasn't his specialty but taking care of his crew is so he studies and gets his license on the downlow.

Is VERY particular about his time spent and frankly, cuddling in bed isn't something he's entirely excited about. Sure he can do it with Bepo but that's like sleeping with a teddy bear you've had your whole life. Another person is different, especially one that needs his undivided attention and comfort. He'll give it and he won't complain about it, but he's not familiar with it and might be awkward at it for a time. Once he figures out what works best for you and let's himself relax around you, he's got the cuddling and rubbing your belly/lower back down to an exact science.

Questionable palate offerings when he first experiences your cravings. You had to teach him what's what when it comes to comfort eating and nutritional eating when you're in pain and your brain feels a bit scrambled from existing. Ikkaku had tried in the past to broaden the snack closet but it never stuck. With you, Law suddenly remembers to get things outside of his own personal preferences and comforts. It's comfort food for the BEPERIODED, LAW.

It's entirely because he's a chef and a well-groomed cutie that he ranks this highly. Honestly it was neck and neck between him and Law. His resume in the kitchen makes you forget about his perviness and near-infantilization of you.

You'll never have a craving unsatisfied because Sanji will go to the ends of the Earth to curb your hunger. The One Piece and All Blue can wait, his darling needs a rich, velvety chocolate mousse two minutes ago! He absolutely spoils you which may lead to overstuffing you until you feel worse than how the cramps made you feel.

Sanji waits on you hand and foot during your period. Practically carries you from point A to point B if you so wish. It might get annoying after a while if you don't like a hot blonde popping in your face every 10 minutes to offer you something you knew you needed but didn't know you needed right that second and you're kind of annoyed that he got it before you could even vocalize your own needs! Does that happen to anyone else or...? If you're into that pampered lifestyle, Sanji is the guy for you.

He wasn't around women a lot but living with Robin and Nami he did learn about products used and comfort items sought out, which he gives you in abundance. Sanji's weakness - period boobies. The slight swell has him a blubbering mess and he will always try to sneak a peek. He may or may not be able to smell your pheromones - its unclear but he is definitely sniffing you from time to time.

The clear winner out of the others its not even a joke. Is the trifecta of caring, supportive, and intuitive. The Period Manager™ everyone else should go back to their ship. No I am not biased.

Killer is the Chef of Carbo-loading but he knows his way around the kitchen and can make anything you desire at any given time. Desserts aren't his strongest suit but its the effort that makes it taste all the sweeter. You will never be without chocolate, praise be.

You've seen him so you know he knows muscles. Yours will become putty in his hands as he gently massages your aching body. With the help of low dose pain killers, Killer will slay your pain one sore muscle at a time.

Killer is so intuitive that he knows you have your period before you. Has your cubby on the bathroom countertop that includes: pads, tampons, flow-cup, aspirin, fuzzy socks, eye mask, and bottled juice. Your robe is hanging behind the door. He loves you so much.

Haha bitch you though. Kid is the true winner. Killer was the favored winner but you might have forgotten this is me we're talking about and Kid has never done anything wrong in his life ever. I support all his rights and wrongs, and I cheerlead at every speck of effort he puts in.

Where everyone else had mentors or positive authority figures to bond with, Kid had Killer - and Killer tried his fucking best. But not even someone as amazing as Killer can be a single mom and raise a mentally stable, well functioning person in society in a corrupted, gang-ruled regime. HOWEVER - Killer did teach Kid how to treat his period-having partner during their woes and Kid's success is Killer's pride and joy.

Like Luffy, Kid will definitely swipe your snacks and food because he's a greedy, greedy glutton. Prove you can bark back at him to stand your ground and he'll yield to you with a scoff and a pout. He doesn't even LIKE your snacks, he claims🙄 He'll make sure you have enough to satisfy your craving and then have a month supply in the hull of the ship just in case. This is where he'll sneak a few for himself without your notice.

Being the King of Treating Himself, Kid will generously make you things to comfort you. A weighted, heat-controlled blanket; a vibrating teddy bear that hugs your belly; a snack organizer to keep your preferences nearby; a personal cold/hot water cooler; pretty things to make you smile; dirty things to excite you for when its over; the gifts are boundless. So are the period products that he basically just steals from the other women in the crew.

“Captain you better reimburse me for those heavy flow tampons!!”

“I’m busy Quincy. Go bitch to the piggy bank (Wire) about it!!!”

“KILLER STOP THAT MAN!”

In his line of work, he's used to nitty gritty and things better left to the imagination. Also a bit grimy himself on occasion. That said, nothing your body does will ever disgust him. He rolls with whatever you throw at him. Bloodied bedsheets? He'll gently toss you and the sheets in the tub. He'll help clean out your soiled clothes. Buy or steal whatever you need to ease your comfort. Embarrassed by the way you feel or look? He'll give you a reassuring kiss on the cheek and say, "Eh, I've seen/heard/smelled worse."

[itsfuntobeavampiree]

I'm going through a really bad break up right now is it okay if you write slashers comforting reader during breakup? Maybe give some tips to move eon cause it hurts si bad I didn't know someone could feel this hirt

Aw poor you :( hope things get better!<3

Not proof read

Contains: brahms heelshire,OGMichael myers, RZmichael myers, Stu macher, Billy loomis.

Slashers when S/O is going through a breakup

Brahms heelshire

I mean he would try to comfort you but in his head he's so happy because now he can have you too himself! But then his thoughts would be interrupted by your sobbing. 'Poor baby' he thinks

He'll let you cry into his chest while he rubs circles on your back whispering reassuring words. "Shhh it's ok y/n, don't let this break up bring you down"

After like a week and your still sobbing your eyes out in bed and brahms doesn't know what to do because he doesn't know how to care for himself he tries his best to think of an idea to try and make you feel better. He rummages in the kitchen cupboards to make you a nice snack, he goes through the bathrooms to get you tissues and gives you his pillows for extra and his duvet for more comfort. He knocks on your door and waddles in with all the items, you giggle a little before helping him with the stuff. "B-brahms what's all this?" You sniff but he pushes you over to the bed. He lays everything out and lies you down before he himself shuffles in. He hears you cry again and he thinks he failed. "Oh no brahms I'm just crying because this is so sweet" you mumbled as he relaxes and cuddles up to you.

After a week or two you settle down and try to move forward and he's by your side every second of the day. Not much of a change for him though lol.

OG Michael myers

Even though this mans stiff as a board he'll still awkwardly wrap his arms around you.

He'll try his best to reassure you through expressions. As much as he would love to say something he just can't which you understand.

"M-mikey do you think they keft ne because i was clingy!?" You cry into his shoulder, he shakes his head violently and tightens his grip on you.

He tries to distract you after a while by giving you some candy he admits he 'bought' and just sits there when you need a cuddle buddy.

RZ Michael myers

....do...do you want him to kill them for you??? Like what do you want. He just associates everything with murder, if you mention any name even he's asking you if you want the person dead. He's very comforting as you can tell.

He's a bit different to OG, he wouldn't be as tense like if you dive into his arms be sure to be scooped up.

He gives you real stern looks when you start blaming yourself like 'wtf?don't say that!'

Makes you a mask to take your mind off things and it surprisingly helps. After he gives it you become more interested in it and forget what you were crying about.

Stu macher

"Aw damn dude....wanna like watch scary movies or something?" Why was he the first person you thought of telling? Nobody knows but hey if your looking for a good time,HEY! Not sex dipshit, than he's your man.

Would have to er.....go walk his goldfish for a bit so yk....don't look at the news.

"Woah don't worry man! It happens but don't go kicking yourself around about it" he says with a goofy grin while he harshly pats your back like the bro he is.

He would buy a cake mix so you two can just bake and cry cause after all that you'll have something sweet to eat. Think of it as a reward, you let all your problems come crying out and at the end you'll have something edible!

Billy loomis

"Oh really? Who's the dick head who'd breakup with you?" He'd try to playfully flirt but at that moment you'd want nothing to do with love and just angrily stare at him for already hitting on you. He'd scold him self and gives you a well needed hug

"You know...breakups aren't that bad, sometimes they lead into a massive glow up" he'd say proudly thinking he's doing gods work but when you reply with a " Wait you think I need a glow up? Omg maybe that's why they left me I'm so ugly and they were jsut desperate and-" he covers your mouth gently and shakes his head violently realising that between him and stu neither of them and smart when it comes to comforting.

Decides that a nice stroll would clear you mind so he gets you a jacket and shoes and takes you out side. He offers his arm out so you could link arms which you did. Obvs, incase someone you know sees you and you need something to hide you puffed up face.

"Stay here ok?" He says as he walks into a shop and cones out with a slushee just for you and a bag full of goodies for when you get home.

[ebonyslasher]

hey, I'm coming from ao3 andddd your work is seriously good! I want to request a poly!stu/billy/reader and its NSFW 😏😁

This was asked some time ago, I hope you'll be able to read and enjoy!

Stu, Billy, You

"When you bend over like that it makes me go crazy..."

"Stu, what the fuck ?" Billy, who was once bending over and was fixing something out of place, quickly straightens his form.

"Dude, don't act like you don't bend over for me anyway." Stu said, annoyed. Billy knows he likes being objectified.

Exasperated, Billy sighs and continues what he was doing. He wasn't in the mood for Stu's shenanigans. He just wants to reorganize his horror stuff.

There's a few minutes of silence before Stu speaks up again.

"You know what today is right?" Stu playfully inquires.

"What. Stu." Billy grits through his teeth.

"It's Stu Thursday!" Stu happily announced. Ah, Billy finally knew why he was acting so irritating all day.

Stu Thursday. It was the day that all three of you stupidly decided that there (A) must be a threesome and (B) Stu would be in control all day.

Oh fucckkkkk. Billy was high when he agreed to that right? Because why would he torture himself like that? He brings up his hand to his hair in frustration. He just wanted to re-organize his shit man.

"Yeah....Stu Thursday..." Billy blandly said.

"You know it bro!! Hey...Y/n is gonna be here soon. You could be more fun." Well, at least there was something Billy could actually be excited for. Your presence always lifted him up.

Billy tries to go back to organizing, but a knock on the door distracts him. Stu bounds across the room and Billy hears him yell,

"It's Y/nnnnnnnnnnnnn!"

"Heyyyyyyy!" You walk in the front door, hugging Stu tightly. Lifting you up, he swings you arounds before asking, " You know what today isss?"

"Stu Thursday!"

"Woo, that's my y/n! Glad you're excited unlike someone else."

Billy is perched against the doorway, watching the scene in front of him. Stu looks at him with cut eyes. He just turns away and goes back into the room.

You and Stu look at each other, prompting you to ask, "Shower and threesome time?"

"Hmmmm.....Let's get in onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!"

--

Grown folks business under the cut!

A small, two bedroom house stands still in a beautifully dull neighborhood. It belongs to two exciting young men, who spend their energy on important activities: Killing and Fucking. The latter of which was, unfortunately, covered by curtains. No one could see the alluring scene that was occurring in the bedroom.

"Bend over in front of the edge of the bed." No one would believe that Stu could be commanding. But if it's something that he truly wants, he'll make sure to get it.

Standing wonderfully nude before him, You and Billy turn to face the bed. Lowering yourselves, face and chest rest on the bed. Legs begin to bend to make contact onto the carpeted floor.

"Oh ah ah!...Legs up. And use those hands to separate them cheeks."

Billy wanted so much to die and preen at the thought of doing that. You, on the other hand, were so eager. It was instantaneous how fast you raised those sexy legs and spread those fantastic brown cheeks open.

Billy was hesitant, he straightened up his legs, but didn't pull his ass apart. Stu notices and begins to encourage him.

"As much as I love seeing that plump, petite ass...Billy...you know you got a beautiful asshole. Show it off."

Billy relents, the sluttiness in his soul taking over. Stu was manipulating his desire to show his body off. And Billy was letting him. Taking his hands, he grabs the sides of his ass and pulls them apart.

"Damn, this is a fucking view! I can just watch you two just like this, Where's the popcorn!"

"Stu." "Stu."

"Okay okay, but what would make this better?...how about touching her pussy."

Billy changes his position to the side facing you, bending under your torso and still presenting his ass in the air. Gorged with blood, stood your brown and sexy clit. Billy starts to rub directly on it, surprised how wet you were already. The wetness starts to come down, hanging like a sparkling string between your legs. Billy wants to catch to taste it, but Stu interrupts.

"Let it drip."

Billy, complying, continues to play. Soft fingers glides down your inner and outer labia, just before hitting your urethra. One finger circles over it, making you gasp softly.

Stu, who's magically sitting in a char, is now masturbating. Rotating clockwise with his right hand, he teases his pink head. Pre-cum leaks, but it's not enough for him. Prepared, Stu picks up some water based lube. Going straight in, he squeezes the cold liquid onto the slit of his head. He loves how uncomfortable cold it is, and glides his other hand down his cream shaft.

2 minutes pass by before Stu gets antsy for more action. Quickly standing, he pulls a syringe out of his drawer. After some preperation, Stu gives Billy the syringe now full of lube.

"Prepare yourself while I dig in pretty y/n's guts, bro."

Billy circles his fluttering hole before he sticks the syringe into it. Laying on his side, with one leg in the air, he injects the very COLD-

"FUCK Stu, you coulda at least warmed it up first!!!" Billy yells, but it falls on busy ears. You were moaning up a storm while Stu was working your pussy in. Billy is continuously distracted by how erotic you are while he hurries to prepare himself. Watching your pleasure made him desperate for his own.

For some off reason, Stu pulls out, making you scoff in frustration. Stu pushing you onto the bed. His eyes held darkness in them. Guess he was really into his role.

"Say mustard if it's too much." Stu instructs quickly.

"Why mus- OH!"

You were flipped over and your juicy legs pushed up against your chest. That thick, long dick pushes into you again. His strokes were fast making you cream more. Billy decided to reach in between and rub your clit so nicely. The surprise attack had you sharply inhaling for a split second, making an awkward sound. But, it didn't matter. Your climax was coming so fast that you didn't get time to warn them.

Stu feels your contracting and pushes in, making your orgasm a tad more powerful.

"Ahhh gooooddd y/n!! Fucking love it when you cum like that!" Stu exclaims, watching you twitch in awe. He pulls out and turns to Billy.

"Your turn, bro."

"Do you have to call me bro, every time...?

"Okay, BILLY. Drop that ass on my dick then."

"Wait, I'm not-"

"Too bad!!"

Stu grabs Billy by his narrow hips and throws him onto the bed. While trying to get his bearings, Stu grabs him again, placing him on his lap. A little scared of Stu's enthusiasm, Billy lifts his right leg to bare his hole.

"Fuck yeah," Stu grabs his shaft, placing his head against his second prize of the night. He pushes past it, and Billy instantly tenses.

"Hey, look at me. Look at me. Billy, relax. Think about something else."

Taking his advice, Billy breathes slow and low. He starts thinking about doing his skin care routine as Stu deepens their connection.

Stu starts slow. After Billy feels adjusted properly, he gives Stu the okay. Then he starts his selfish pace.

"Fuckkkkk, Stu!" Billy winces and groans in a mix of pain and pleasure, like he likes it.

Relaxed, you observed the fucking with bedroom eyes. You loved watching those two fuck each other, it was the best aphrodisiac.

Billy breaths through his mouth, rushes of air hold a tune of moans along with it.

With Stu suddenly pushing into his prostate, Billy comes immediately. "Shit!" It was embarrassing how fast he climaxed, but he didn't care. The events leading up to it were too erotic for him not so cum so quick.

"Whew...damn bro. Your ass is fucking awesome. Get on the floor, on your knees. Both of you." Stu commands as he catches his breath. You both comply, albeit sluggishly.

"Mouths open and wide."

Stu stands above the both of you, beating his dick over your hungry mouths. "Make sure..fuck...just fucking catch it!!!"

He comes as you both get splattered with his sperm. He waves his dick back and forth, squeezing some of the last bits into both mouths.

"This was a damn good Stu Thursday."

[skylarsblue]

billy loomis / stu macher x reader with autism? tysm! and if you can’t do it no worries ^^

(Autism gang, let's go! Also, I added Danny for my own enjoyment, forgive me.)

✦Ghostfaces With a S/O That's Autistic✦

✦Content; No warnings that I can think of, fluff, GN!Reader with nothing specified physically✦ ✦Stu; He/Him, Billy; He/Him, Danny; He/They✦

✧Stu Macher✧

I'm fairly certain Stu is neurodivergent, ADHD specifically. You look at this man and tell me he has a neurotypical brain, I dare you. Yeah, no, you can't.

Now given this is 1995-1996, the concept of people having ADHD & Autism wasn't super accepted. Honestly, people treated it like a devastating blow most of the time. (Sadly, not a whole lot has changed) I imagine Stu doesn't really understand what being neurodivergent really means. Like, he knows what autism is, but he's got a bit of a warped view of what it means for you. You can blame media for the majority of it, but don't worry! He's not gonna go Anti-Vax Mom��� on yo ass.

He'll actually listen to you, even if he doesn't fully understand. You'll have to break it to him that Autism isn't a life-destroying thing. It just means you process things a bit differently, have sensitivities, etc. He'll grab the concept pretty quickly.

When you explain stuff like sensory processing issues, he'll actually relate really hard. Stu's lived his whole life thinking he was just weird for his reactions to certain stimuli, but when you describe your own experiences, it makes him question.

Bringing up that he might have ADHD won't make him want to get tested, he doesn't see a need, it won't change anything about him and he's not huge on the idea of medications. But, he will ask you more questions. Autism & ADHD are different but they do have a decent amount of overlap and you know more than he does so he trusts your judgment.

"Wait is that why I feel like I wanna tear my skin off when I feel velvet?! ...YOU MEAN NOT EVERYONE HEARS ELECTRICITY? IT'S JUST US?!"

Mans has an epiphany every five seconds while you're talking.

When it comes to him helping you, he tries his best, but he's spacey and forgets certain things. Still, he does his best to keep it all in mind. If he knows there's one food you absolutely can't stand, he'll keep it off your plate. Even if it means scraping it all onto his own and making a mess.

Is there a sound that makes it feel like your head's about to explode? He'll cover your ears, put his head on your head/shoulder and hum something.

Sometimes, if you two share a sensitivity, he'll loudly express his hatred for it and insist you both leave/get rid of whatever's causing it.

Has probably broken something that was making a noise you both hated. "Ugh, finally. Look, see? Problem solved! Aren't I a genius, babe?"

Stu absolutely understands the consumption of hyperfixations and he supports you completely. If it's something he can't get into, sometimes he comes across a bit aloof to it, because it doesn't give his brain the dopamine rush it does for you. Still, he's glad you have something you enjoy and he'll still listen to your rants. As long as you do the same for him.

If you both are hyperfixating on the same thing at the same thing? Bro, y'all annoy the shit out of everyone and he does not give a single fuck.

If anyone makes you feel like shit for talking about it, he's gonna rip them a new one. He makes fun of their biggest insecurities if he feels they deserve it. Is it cruel? Yes, but he, doesn't, care. If you don't wanna feel his wrath, you sit there and listen intently to his baby's ramblings, damnit.

Stu's a pretty intense dude and he likes a lot of stimulation. But he understands if you get overwhelmed sometimes. His tolerance for lots of stuff going on is a lot higher than most people. Again, he'll cover your ears if it's a lot of noise. He'll cover your eyes if it's too much visual stimuli, keep you close to his body in a crowd. This also helps if you're shorter than him because he can surround you completely, helps feel like you're disconnected from the stressors around you.

He's hella rich, he'll get you all the fidget toys you want. All the shit you want for a hyperfixation. Best believe you get the best headphones and music player the market has to offer for those times you need to drown shit out.

He's a touchy-feely person and he's likely to forget your physical boundaries sometimes if touch is a problem for you. But he'll always apologize when you correct him. If touch isn't a problem, he's super cuddly. And if you're the type to be only okay with touch from specific people, he gets a huge ego boost from being that person.

He's a bit boney & fidgety but makes a decent human blanket.

An overall 10/10 for a Neurodivergent Partner.

✧Billy Loomis✧

I'm gonna be real with you, chief. He's not the best. He's not terrible! But not the best. I'm not saying he's gonna bully you for the things you do, no, he's an overall sweet partner in all honesty. He's patient and understanding.

Still, if he doesn't understand a thing you're doing, he might come across a bit annoyed. Like if you have an audible stim that you keep repeating, his tone comes across a bit snappy when he asks why you do it. He's not trying to upset you, his temper's just a bit shaky.

Sitting him down and explaining that you're autistic might get you a few annoying questions. He's not an asshole, he means well, but the questions come across rude. Ex; "But you don't act autistic.", "But you do (insert stereotypical thing).", etc. If you tell him that most of the stuff he knows is basically all poor representation and rumors, he'll give you a pretty basic apology and he'll stop. Billy will also ask what else is a result of shitty ideas of autism so he knows better. (You'll need to tell him that the R-word is a slur. He doesn't really use it but it's good for him to be aware.)

I personally see Billy as neurotypical, but he's been friends with Stu for a long time. If you have behaviors that overlap with Stu's, he'll handle it perfectly. He's a veteran at it.

Sometimes he'll think you're being a bit too sensitive about sensory stimuli, but when you explain it's not just that you dislike something, he'll be more willing to understand.

"It's just a bit of corn, it's not that bad." "Billy, when I bite into a single kernel, it triggers my fight or flight response, my body goes into panic mode, and I wanna tear my hair out and throw up. It is that bad." "...oh. Aight, here, trade me."

When it comes to overstimulation caused by stuff like noise and people, he actually understands. He's an introvert and large crowds exhaust him, which makes him irritable. If he sees you starting to get antsy and uncomfortable in a loud environment, he'll give you his walkman headphones and find a reason for you both to leave. He's excellent at manipulation, he'll find a way.

If you have skin sensitivity, he'll start keeping things on him that help alleviates it. Scissors to cut tags out of your clothes, a spare shirt(that's his because he totally has a kink for that), hand sanitizer, etc.

Best believe he's ready to throw hands with anyone who gives you shit. He will whoop ass, no hesitation. Billy's a very possessive & protective partner most of the time, he's ready to defend your honor at the drop of a hat.

He's got his hobbies and likes, but he doesn't have anything he'd consider a hyperfixation. Still, he'll be perfectly happy for you that you've found one. Sometimes he has to ask you to stop talking when you're rambling about it, but he learned after the first two times to specify it wasn't personal. He just needs quiet every now and then and he knows you'll get sad if he isn't actually listening to you.

Like Stu, he'll be very happy if your hyperfixation has anything to do with his own interests. Billy will actually be impressed if you know more niche facts and nuances than he is, this is often the easiest way to hold his attention when you're in a long info-dump.

He's not as rich as Stu, but he's got some decent money, plus a part-time job. His spare money will definitely be spent on your interests, no matter what it is. It could be a hyper-specific brand of toys and he'll buy the most expensive one they offer. He wants you to be happy! (And the terrible part of him wants to have the leverage to keep you loyal to him, no matter how terrible his actions get)

Despite his struggle to understand sensory processing disorder, he actually offers some pretty decent suggestions to get around it. Using myself as an example, I often struggle to brush my teeth because it'll feel like bugs are in my teeth. If you had something like this, he'd come up with a potential solution on the spot. "What if you brushed them in the shower? That way you can focus more on the water than the brushing."

Again, similarities between you and Stu will catch his attention and he'll make a mental note of it. One, he'll see if he can use his experience with Stu to handle your symptoms better. Two, he'll definitely consider asking you if Stu's neurodivergent.

Not the best, but he's trying his best. Solid 7/10.

✧Danny Johnson✧

ANOTHER NEURODIVERGENT.

I headcanon that Danny has AuDHD, which is both Autism & ADHD. Once he was diagnosed (well into his twenties), it was like they had opened pandora's box. Researching it made them go "OHH THAT'S WHY" every five seconds.

He grew up in rural Utah with a shitty dad who would definitely not treat Danny well if he knew about his son's neurodivergence. But that doesn't matter cause the bastard's dead. Letting Danny have the freedom to research the topic to his heart's content, which he does. It helped them immensely in terms of lifestyle.

When you come into his life and explain that you're autistic, he's completely accepting right off the bat. That's also assuming he wasn't stalking you for months prior to your relationship and that he didn't already know to begin with.

He's probably the most equipped to handle things like sensory overload & sensitivities, given he has so many himself. He's also, ironically enough, got the most patience for things like stims & info-dumping. Danny's a tempermental hypocrite but on this list he's the most chill with these things, funny eh?

They absolutely pick up on some of your stims and you pick up on his. It makes them so much worse, but it's cute. His main stims involve his hands and little sounds with his mouth, like whistling or humming.

Your food sensitivities don't need to be explained to him, he's got a million. It's aggravating because he wants to be a foodie so bad but then they have all these damn sensory problems. If a single piece of broccoli will ruin your entire meal, broccoli will be essentially banned from the house. He's a romantic like that.

Pre-cuts tags from your clothes, picks out things from pre-made meals that you hate before he even gives it to you, has a plethora of scented candles you like to cover up troublesome smells, and he's got a million versions of headphones/earbuds. They all work he just loses them constantly, buys more, then finds the originals again. Honestly, they have a whole drawer dedicated to music players.

Your ability to stick to a schedule helps out with his ADHD experience. He's got a pretty decent routine himself, but sometimes he'll fuck it up and find it hard to get back on track. For example, they've misplaced their meds and it's fucking up their whole morning? There you are with the correction and they're back on track. He'll jokingly call you a saint for it.

Sometimes his temper gets touchy and he'll get snappy at something you do. (This is more a general thing and less an Autistic thing) He gets real guilty when you look at him with sadness and quickly apologizes. Which is baffling, given they were pretty sure they were incapable of guilt for a long time.

"I'm sorry, sorry, it's not you. Not mad at you. Mad at this other thing, it's not personal, doll, sorry."

If you're overstimulated, Danny's got you covered, rest assured. He's got earbuds, at least three fidget toys, and he's always ready to give you comforting pressure. Whether it's by acting like a weighted blanket or a tight hug. They also really appreciate when you return the favor when they've had a bad day at work.

They get a huge ego boost if you consider him your main comfort, or if your comfort object is something of his. Like a gift they gave you or some article of their clothing.

Actively researches your hyperfixation so he can engage in conversation with you about it. They like seeing you get all excited when they bring it up. Most of the time, he ends up having a hyperfixation on it as well. If you do the same for him? You're asking for a cuddly bitch of a man.

Feels their cold heart melt when you do something to help their AuDHD. Remembering his safe foods, his fidgets, etc. If he wasn't obsessed before, he is now.

Anyone who gives you shit for being autistic is dead by morning, that's a basic rule. If you defend him against bullshit? He's fucking the shit out of you.(/hj)

Considers you a hyperfixation, honestly.

100/10, you caught a winner with Danny. If you don't mind obsessive behavior, possessiveness, and murder. But c'mon. You're here. Of course, you don't mind.

[mrsaltieri-real]

His Perfect Victim (Mickey Altieri X OC!Dahlia Levine)

Chapter 4: Friends

Word count: 3k

Warnings: language, mentions of sex, a little angst, fluff, Mickey being a dick, (obviously) Mickey being sweet, flashbacks to Stu, brief mention of death

The smut is COMING I promise, I’m just fleshing it out. This fic is immensely fun to write, so I’m fr bashing out the chapters but it’s so so enjoyable I can’t seem to stop myself. Thank you again to @bisexual-horror-fan for editing and beta reading this for me. I know the extremely subtle reference to Stu and Billy hit! Kisses dude love ya!!

Gotta include the moodboard you made for me in this chapter because it’s fucking chefs kiss.

⬆️⬆️THIS. THIS IS THE VIBE⬆️⬆️

I’d never been this hungover in my entire life, my head is pounding as if a marching band is walking around the perimeter of my skull.

I groggily forced my eyes open only to recoil under the comforter at the harsh light streaming in through the windows with a low groan. Fuck the light, fuck me for not closing the curtains, fuck alcohol.

But especially fuck Mickey.

It took longer than it should have for me to realise I wasn’t in my own dorm. Once I finally resurfaced from beneath the sheets I took in my surroundings, blinking rapidly at the familiar dorm that didn’t belong to me. The posters littering the walls, the small figurines on the desk and I glanced down, noticing the Star Wars image on the comforter and frowned a little, lifting a hand to rub my eyes.

“Morning!”

I jumped, hand clutching the side of my throbbing head as my eyes settled on Randy’s goofy smiling face. He was holding out a cup of coffee for me, but he lowered it a little when he saw I was staring at him with a look of horror, mouth agape.

“Oh, God. What- what am I doing here, Randy?” I asked weakly. My voice sounded hoarse and raspy and I flinched at the sound of it, eyes darting down to my body quickly, hands pulling the blanket back to see I was not in fact naked. Thank God I was still dressed in my jeans and crop top I was wearing last night.

Randy chuckled a little, placing the steaming mug on his bedside table before sitting on the edge of his bed. “Don’t worry, don’t worry. I found you last night throwing back shots with a couple of frat bros and decided it was time to take you home but you told me you didn’t want to be alone so I just brought you back here. I assumed it was safer than any of your other options and you clearly didn’t want to stick around Hallie and Sidney’s.” He stopped, eyes scanning over my face before he jerked a thumb behind him to his sofa which was covered over with a rumpled blanket and a pillow, “See? I slept on the couch.”

I relaxed a little, sighing in relief which made him roll his eyes. “Damn, D. Would you really be so disgusted if we hooked up?” He placed a hand over his chest in mock offence.

“Yes and you’d be too.” I said, reaching forward to nudge his shoulder which made him laugh again and nod his head in agreement.

I grabbed the coffee off the table, leaning back against his headboard and closed my eyes.

“Wanna talk about whatever happened with Mickey?” He asked hesitantly.

“I didn’t tell you?” I mumbled into the mug, glancing up at him as he shook his head before replying, “You weren’t really making a lot of sense. You kept shouting about a ‘Stupid blonde slut’ and that you were going to, ‘Kill that stupid fucking mouse’ but I didn’t get much from that.” For every quote his fingers came up in quotations and I rolled my eyes, unable to stop from smiling.

I shook my head before telling him, “It doesn’t matter. I’m not really sure if I really saw what I thought I did anyway, I was pretty drunk.”

“Pretty drunk? I had to brush your teeth for you, Dahlia.” Randy shivered as if the memory haunted him and I shoved his shoulder, scoffing at him before taking his hand with my free one, rubbing my thumb over his knuckles. “Thank you for taking care of me, Rand.” I said softly.

He clicked his tongue against his teeth bashfully, his cheeks flushing just slightly, “You don’t have to thank me, Dahlia. What are friends for?”

Before I left Randy’s I fixed my hair in his bathroom, giving up at the lousy attempt and rifling through my backpack for something to cover it with. For reference, my hair is dark, thick and curly, waving down to the middle of my back. I pulled out one of my favourite bandannas; maroon and patterned with flowers, with a relieved flourish and placed it over my head biker style, staring at my reflection.

God, I looked like shit.

Randy enjoyed teasing me for my quote “rustic bohemian” sense of style whilst Sidney absolutely adored it, constantly telling me as much. During my depressed period the upkeep on my fashion sense has faltered and I practically lived in sweats and oversized T-shirts that belonged to my dad, but I made the decision that when I went to college, if I wanted everyone to think I was truly getting better I’d have to act and dress like it. So for me, I was back in my comfort zone. But right now, it really didn’t look like it. Even in my favourite outfit, my brown and white soft striped cropped jumper and my cargo pants, I still looked horrifically hungover.

I quickly splashed some water over my face, stole some of Randy’s deodorant before pecking him goodbye on the cheek at his door, eager to get back to my own dorm to shower and change.

And who should appear as though from thin air?

“Walk of shame?”

I yelped, practically jumping out of my skin as I spun around seeing Mickey leaning against the wall of Randy’s building, toying with his video camera in his hands.

“Fuck off.” I snapped, turning back round to get as far away from him as possible. He caught up with me easily in just a few strides and I internally groaned. What the fuck was this guys problem?

“So you’re fucking Meeks? Guess that shouldn’t come to any surprise really.” I didn’t look at him as he spoke, I didn’t want to properly dignify such a ridiculous claim instead just replying with, “What do you care?”

“I don’t, really. Just think you can do better.”

I stopped so quickly he took a few more steps ahead before turning around and looking at me. Fuck, he looked good. He was wearing a dark blue button down shirt and black pants, his dark hair ruffled and messy as though he’d been running his hands through it.

Or as though some girl had been running her hands through it.

“Why can’t you just leave me alone? Go bother your girlfriend instead.” I was too tired, too hungover to put any emotion in my voice, looking at him blankly. He frowned slightly, tilting his head to the side as he looked down at me before asking, “What girlfriend?”

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms tightly across my chest and gripping my elbows, “Blonde girl? Under you last night? C’mon Mickey it’s been all of less than twelve hours.”

A smile played on the corners of his mouth as his eyebrows rose, his finger tapping against the side of his camera, “She wasn’t my girlfriend. Just some girl I fucked.”

I couldn’t stop the disgusted expression from taking over my face as I stared at him, “Oh, nice.” I muttered, “Aren’t you just charming.”

“I try.” He said cockily, shrugging his shoulders as he pointed, “It’s cute that you're jealous though.”

A surprised laugh burst through my lips and I shook my head, hands coming up to run over my face as I managed to get out, “Jealous? You think I’m jealous? You’re the one who lied to Sidney about wanting to apologise to me for being a jackass and trying to kiss me so I’d walk in and see you screwing some girl.”

His smile faltered slightly, arms dropping to his sides with his camera still clutched between his fingers, “Ah yeah, that. I guess I can be a bit of a jackass, huh?”

“More than a bit.” I muttered under my breath, starting to walk again. He walked beside me easily and I glanced at his face. He looked deep in thought, hands brought back in front of him as he played with his camera before he spoke again after about thirty seconds, “Sorry about that.”

“Hm?” I hummed as though I didn’t hear him.

He stifled a smile as he sighed, head tipping back a little, “I’m sorry about that. That was a fucked up thing to do. I just… I don’t know, I’m not used to rejection. Suppose I don’t take it well.”

“Yeah, I’ll say.” I scoffed and saw him smile down at me from the corner of my eye.

Damn him.

“Can I confess something to you?”

His tone made me look up at him in surprise, he sounded almost… Nervous? At this point I was so used to him being arrogant, confident and just a downright dick it completely caught me off guard.

“I guess?” I replied suspiciously.

“You have some kind of effect on me, Dahl. I don’t quite understand it to be honest. So yeah, when you physically fucking recoiled I assumed I read the signals wrong. So I kinda wanted to test it, you know? See how you would react if you saw me fucking some chick.” He spoke so candidly as though this was completely normal and average behaviour. Could he really not see that it wasn’t?

We were outside my building at this point and I paused, leaning against the cool brick and looking up at him, saying as softly as I could muster, “You know that’s not like… Normal, right? You could have just spoken to me.”

He looked thoughtful for a second as he nodded his head, eyes meeting mine. “Okay, I’ll talk to you. You wanna fuck?”

My eyes widened and I laughed in surprise. He was grinning at me cheekily, dimples pronounced in his cheeks and it didn’t falter as I laughed, only grew wider.

“No I don’t want to fuck you, Mickey.” I said once I stopped laughing, cheeks heating up a little before I continued, “But why don’t we start trying to be friends.”

He cocked his head to the side, smile shrinking just a little, “You wanna be my friend?”

“You said it yourself, we’re going to be around each other a lot. We might as well try. Besides, if you’re good enough for Sidney you’re good enough for me.” I held out my hand and his eyes dropped to it before looking back at my face, looking deeply amused by my formality as he asked, “Really? A handshake? What is this a fucking job interview?”

I looked down at my hand and back to him pointedly and he rolled his eyes, another smile stretching across his face as he took my hand and shook it gently, squeezing it softly. Mickey’s hand was calloused and rough. An unfamiliar but welcome warmth spread through my chest as he touched me, his eyes looking down into mine with a strange kind of affection.

The contact lingered a couple of seconds longer than necessary before I gently withdrew my hand, dropping it at my side.

“Okay, so we’re friends. That entails not fucking girls in my best friends bed and tricking me into watching it, alright?”

“Ah damn, we can’t build a foundation off of that? Not much of a voyeur, huh?” He teased and I shook my head, leaning up from the wall and pulling my keys from my jacket pocket before unlocking the door.

“Yeah, no. I’ll see you around, Mick.” I froze for a second before continuing, “-ey. Mickey.” I corrected myself quickly, wanting the ground to swallow me up.

He laughed again, holding up his hands. “Call me Mickey if you want, I’m not going to stop calling you Dahl.”

I smiled over my shoulder at him, finally pushing the door open and stepping inside.

“Wait, Dahl?”

I turned around, Mickey reached out and kept the door propped open with his hand just by my head. He stood right over me, so close and I noticed he smelled incredible, like spices and vanilla. His scent filled my nose and made my head spin and I subtly leaned against the door so I wouldn’t fucking fall as I breathed, “Mm?” Not at all trusting my voice.

He seemed to notice my little head rush and seemed to openly completely relish in knowing he had this effect on me as he leaned just a touch closer before he spoke, “I didn’t get the chance to say last night, but you looked hot. But honestly, I think you should wear the bandana more often, it suits you.”

I know I blushed, I know my cheeks completely stained pink as he glanced at them, his smile turning cocky as he pushed himself off the door and it swung closed as I stepped back, leaving me standing in the stairwell completely bewildered.

How the fuck did he do that, have this kind of instant effect on me? I’d never experienced this level of attraction to anybody before and I wasn’t entirely sure what to do with myself.

I’d never slept with anyone before. I hadn’t even fooled around and never really had time to do anything to myself. These feelings were just as endearing as they were confusing but at the moment, I wasn’t ready to explore them, right?

I thought about it as I walked up the seemingly endless stairwell to my dorm. Was this something I’d simply been putting off and making excuses for? I didn’t date in High School, too focused on school and life to even look at people in that way. Stu used to endlessly tease me for it, finding it truly hilarious that I was, at the time, seventeen and still hadn’t slept with anyone.

“What are you waiting for, D?” He’d teased, poking me in the ribs as I sat cross legged with him on his couch. I laughed, slapping his hands away from me before the guaranteed tickle fight began. Our respective parents were out of town yet again so we’d decided I’d stay over at the Machers instead of sitting home by myself for the weekend. I much preferred this anyway, Stu was more like a brother than a cousin to me.

“Stop fucking doing that you fucking ass.” I kicked out my foot but he caught it quickly, laughing as he pushed it down before continuing, “Seriously, Dahlia. What’s with the hold up?”

“You know what Stu, I don’t think I want to talk to my cousin about how I haven’t had sex yet. It’s creepy.”

Stu scoffed at me, leaning back on the couch and rolling his eyes, “Oh, please. That’s not why you don’t wanna talk about it.”

I leaned toward him and shoved his shoulder and he grabbed it in mock pain.

“No but seriously, I’m getting a bad rap. Why are you putting this off?” Stu seemed genuinely curious, fingers tapping on the upholstery of the arm of the sofa as he spoke.

I sighed, deciding to give in and tell him so he’d just let it go, “I’m not putting it off. I just… I want it to be with the right person, you know?” I spoke shyly, eyes dropping to my lap.

“Awe, how sweet and boring is that!” Stu teased but his eyes were still affectionate, “You want my advice?”

“Trust me Stu, I really really don’t.”

He ignored me, starting to talk again before I even finished my sentence, “Stick to that. Stick with your gut and wait till you find someone you really care about.”

I glanced up at him, seeing an expression on his face I hadn’t seen before as I asked softly, “Sounds like you wish you’d waited for a certain someone, huh?”

Stu smiled halfheartedly at me with a small upturn on his shoulders.

“Is it who I think it is?” I asked gently.

He nodded his head with a sigh, picking at the loose fabric of the arm of the couch, “Yeah, it’s who you think. You’re right for wanting to wait, trust me. Because man, when you find that person? Fuck, nothing else matters.”

By the time my little trip down memory lane was over I had finally made my way into my dorm and was relieved to discover my roommate wasn’t home. Karla was a nice enough girl, but I’d always found small talk insufferable and we just didn’t have the kind of relationship where talking came easy so I just hadn’t bonded with her the five months I’d been living with her. Lucky for me, my classes were in the morning and hers were in the afternoon and more often than not she would stay out at her boyfriend's off campus apartment so I pretty much had the place to myself.

I dropped my bag on the bed and walked to the bathroom, stripping off on my way and popping my clothes in my hamper by the door. I caught my reflection in the bathroom mirror and had to do a double take.

I didn’t look at all like myself, or at least the version of myself I’d grown accustomed to looking like.

My cheeks were flushed and my lips were upturned in a smile, but that wasn’t what caught my attention.

The thing that was most surprising was my eyes. They looked bright, lively and almost wild. I hadn’t seen myself look this way in forever and it caught me completely off guard.

I spent a lot of time faking being happy, mainly to appease friends and my parents but now? There was nothing artificial about the way I looked.

I looked happy.

Usually even if I happened to be in a good mood, reminiscing about past conversations with Stu brought me down and crushed me all over again. As my reflection stared back at me in the mirror I realised for the first time since Woodsbro thinking about him didn’t make me depressed, it didn’t make me wish I in fact stayed dead.

Thinking of that playful conversation made me realise how right Stu was. I never wanted to make the same mistake he made, I was one of the only people that knew what he was hiding from everyone and although this was different, I knew that that memory didn’t pop into my head out of nowhere.

I didn’t know Mickey well, we were just starting to become friends after all. But I hadn’t felt this happy, this content for far too long, if ever.

I touched the corners of my eyes as I looked at my reflection as I thought, maybe he was the right person?

Chapter Five HERE

[weebsinstash]

BRO AND GROWING UP AS BAKUGOU’S FIANCÉE??? KNOWING HOW MUCH OF A BRAT HE WAS AS A KID??? TERROR. HE JUST BULLIES YOU YOUR ENTIRE CHILDHOOD AND THINKS THAT BECAUSE YOU’RE ENGAGED HE’S ENTITLED TO IT. POSSESSIVE AF EVEN WHEN HE STARTS BEING COLD.

And omg the fiancée probably grows up being a meek little thing because of his bullying and aggressive behavior, as well as very cruel/insulting remarks like he did with Deku, also being told that she just has to endure how Bakugo treats her and be the perfect calm collected lady to balance him out because that’s her duty as his wife and empress??? Good food. Then the fiancée gets tired of his bullshit and just tries to break the engagement/divorce and he’s like “wait what no you’re not supposed to do that”. Idk just having to deal with child Bakugou would’ve been a hard NO from me 😭

I've been having multiple ideas for this specific scenario and pairing but it seems to be popular with you guys too 😳

But no I absolutely agree, I think being raised with him and knowing what a little prick he's always been would be terrible, and I personally wouldn't have the patience for a bratty little kid, even AS a kid. I can see it so stereotypically: Reader and Bakugou both children, brought to the same location but allowed to wander before the official meeting. Reader is just minding their own business, being the Saint/ess or mage or whatnot that enables a low-born person like them to be treated with prestige, just walking in the garden and being cute and curious about all the plants, here's the Crown Prince, demanding you tell him your identity and reason for being in his palace. You're trying to be polite but he just mocks you for no reason? Says your role is stupid and weak since it doesn't involve fighting? (Perhaps he's feeling a little inferior to you since you have a superior and useful skill he can't obtain, hm?) And maybe you lose your patience and get chest to chest with the little punk and even start to have a physical fight before some adults, like say your guardians, have to pry you apart

And then the adults pull you both aside and scold you and get you all dolled up to see each other again and it's like, haha you're gonna have a political marriage :) sure, the future Emperor just received a black eye from his future spouse but, no this is fine, let's not correct the little monster in any way, you two are definitely going to learn to get along over the years :) obviously you just kind of consider him a huge bully and dread finally marrying him and having a wedding even if it helps your home country to form an alliance at the cost of your freedom 😩 and also imagine, having healing powers and him asking/demanding you heal his soldiers snd himself for certain battles and wars but he won't let you like, go into the villages and treat the commoners suffering from, demon flu or something that you could purify, like he's just using you as a health pack for his army but not letting you perform your duty of helping the people and you resent him and think he's selfish (which he is, but, he also wants to keep you close and far away from any unpredictable subjects)

Just sorry, if you think of how teenage Bakugou treated Midoriya, and even just vaguely transfer that over, I would hate him, think he's rude, worry for the future of his country, AND imagine being stuck in a political marriage and you know you have to share him with not only other women but also just, one specific dude for some reason? Which you suppose isn't, impossible but, not exactly common to you; surprising, but you aren't rejecting it.

I feel like the constant pressure to be absolutely perfect and regal and holy yet the one who is 'the most important' never acknowledging those traits and efforts would be emotionally and psychologically draining. So many other people would just come off as fake or trying to suck up to you, and Izuku... his praise doesn't count; you don't know what's wrong with this boy but sometimes he's stuck on you like glue and wants to spend entire days together, consecutively. And he technically isn't doing anything too sinister, but it's how he does it, the execution. Wanting to spend time with you is one thing, wanting to spend every waking moment is another

Bakugou would probably be one of those where, you tell him you hate him and never loved him to his face and he'll tell you that it isn't your job to love each other, stop being stupid, but the second he has you escorted off he's isolating himself for deep meditation because WHY DOESN'T MY FAVORITE WIFE LIKE ME 🥺 and over the course of the next week he's sending gift after gift to your palace, never coming himself though, and he thinks you've forgiven him when you accept everything and then he finds out you were just doing it on courtesy and everything he gave you was just put into a storage room to not be seen or heard

[the-cannibal]

Ask box and request info!

Hello there! Welcome to my post where I explain my ask box and what you can request! Its pretty simple honestly :)

My ask box is used for you to request one shots, head cannons, matchups, or to just say your thoughts about something! I love to hear head cannons and stuff that you guys have so please don't hesitate to tell me! Please use my ask box when requesting things. Bots like to spam my inbox so I am more likely to see your request if you use the ask box

Please note I do not have a set posting schedule so If you don’t see me replying to what you submitted I’m not ignoring you! I promise! I will get to it when I can :)

What I can/will write: Fluff Angst Age regression (SFW ONLY) Pet regression (SFW ONLY) Romantic relationships Platonic relationships LGBTQ+ Poly relationships Light smut (I am not comfortable writing x reader smut. So sorry :( but I can write things like making out!)

What I don't write Suicide Transphobia, homophobia, or anything of that nature. (If you want to request something like slasher defending you against someone making rude remarks, I can do that but that is as far as I will go with that. My blog is a safe space for everyone to feel welcome!) Anything Zoophilic, pedophilic, grooming, etc etc icky gross stuff like that. That is probably really obvious but if anyone requests anything like that you will be blocked. Racism Sexism Hard smut and kinks (again I'm just not comfortable writing x reader smut, I am very awkward at it so it comes out very clunky and awkward) Here are the fandoms/slashers I write for! IT - Both The Losers Club and The Bowers Gang

The Lost Boys - The boys, Star, Michael, The frog bros, Sam

Halloween - OG Michael Myers, Rob Zombie Michael Myers, and peepaw Michael Myers (I love how we all call him that lmao he's out grumpy old man) House Of Wax 2005 - Bo Sinclair, Vincent Sinclair, Lester Sinclair Jason Vorhees Chucky and Tiffany Valentine Carrie White Xenomorph/Alien Predator/Yautja Hush - "The Man" aka John

Scream - Billy Loomis, Stu Macher, Sidney Prescott, Tatum Riley, Randy Meeks Texas Chainsaw massacre franchises - Bubba Sawyer, ChopTop, Nubbins, Thomas Hewitt

[msookyspooky]

Part 24 of TT is my new fav of this book....it was so heartbreakingly bittersweet that it rivals Randy's almost death for me. The beginning had my heart literally ACHING, it felt like my heart dropped to my stomach once I realized Y/n was gonna have to watch Mark die. My eyes were BURNING, I could feel this heat behind them, and I had the urge to cry for them 😭 Y/n watching the pics burn and being like 'you watched not only the pictures burn, but what could've been burn with them' had me DONE 💔 she feels like she lost everything bc Mark was supposed to put Billy and Stu in prison. Randy saw that they could've been something and that's SO SAD 😭 Billy and Stu gotta be jumping for joy knowing he's dead 🙄

I thought it was touching how Y/n tried to see some humanity in Neil. She really held his hand and told him that if she could go back in time she would. I predicted Angelina coming back, but I was NOT expecting Y/n to lose it and I LOVED it. Hope Billy and Stu took that as a threat 😌 Not sure if it was intentional, but I love that Y/n didn't let herself cry until Billy and Stu ran out. I thought that symbolized how she refuses to cry in front of them, how she only lets Dewey and Randy see her at her lowest. Not surprised Stu was like you need me after Y/n told them she never wanted to see them again.... like no bro, I'm not joking, the only thing I NEED is you OUTTA MY LIFE. But ofc, these snakes slither themselves back into my life a week later 🔪

HOW DID THEY GET PAST MY SECURITY SYSTEM-We should've just MOVED 😭

OMG THANK YOU!! I sat on that chapter for too long bc it was so plot heavy with angst and I was lowkey scared I wouldn't do it justice + hated killing Mark ☹️

Ik for me irl if I was in YN shoes I'd be done too. Mark really was her first taste of a good guy that she actually relates to/ that has baggage of his own unlike Derek. The fact he was so willing to help her and beileved her and trusted her on Billy and Stu something Idk if even Dewey or Randy would do w/o anger....Just to have him ripped away? HURTS. Her freedom from those two, her name cleared, peacefully able to relax in life w/o threats is all gone forever.

Having a man slightly older, not by much (Mark's like 26-30 and we're 23 since I upped it to 5 years since Woodsboro instead of 4), but he's older than our group just enough to be 100 x more mature than Billy and Stu ever could be with his own career dealing with things very connected to our lives. Him trying to be the good guy in horrible situations just like YN did multiple times before and being so protective and brave and gentle with her and trying to help her sm....I WOULD JUST SWEAR OFF OF ANYONE ROMANTICALLY AND BE DONE WITH LIFE FR. It's no wonder Billy and Stu were so threatened by Mark bc he really was their only competition that could have not only took us from them permanently BUT sent them to prison to boot. Not that her and Randy couldn't have been great or that Derek wasn't sweet but Mark will probably always be the big 'What if?' for the rest of her life. 💔 He really was a soulmate / kindred soul she had the bittersweetness of meeting.

And oh yeah....They're fucking elated the pieces of shit 🙄🥱

And the security system is from the early 2000s it runs by a landline so no electricity = no system.

[danwhobrowses]

My Highlights from ROH Supercard of Honor 2023

Well it's Wrestlemania weekend which means TK is back on his insane booking for ROH. 2 for 2 now he's brought about some absolutely banging cards.

I know there's also Rampage, SD and HOF tonight, but since none are PPVs I'm just gonna do this one today. Mania will be late though since I'll have to watch Night 1 and 2 back to back given how I have family plans on Sunday.

But without further ado, let's see the good stuff from ROH Supercard of Honor

Spoilers for the PPV of course

All the Zero Hour matches slapped

Big pluses for Cobb as well; Omega, Moose and Williams matches on the trot takes monster stamina

NIGEL MCGUINNESS! Back on Commentary is nice but I'm sure everyone hopes he can return to the ring, I know some want him in BCC

Mack vs Takeshita didn't disappoint either, love both of these guys and they were just back and forth

Caprice and Ian vibing with Willow's theme

Sterling giving Slim J a spare shirt after ripping his in the entrance

Stu and Slim J are still very underrated, they're both an explosive feral style of wrestler

Ah so the Righteous aren't going to WWE after all, Righteous vs Dark Order might be an interesting feud

The absolute MADMAN TK is to not only book Vikingo vs Komander but to have it open the main show

An apt comment given how I'm gonna watch HOF after but seeing Vikingo is like watching Rey Mysterio's early days

And I absolutely love that Second Rope In-and-out Phoenix Splash

Komander literally ran the entire ring rope length to swanton onto Vikingo out the ring

Yeah give me Vikingo vs AR Fox, (give me Vikingo/AR Fox against anyone really), Blake and Metalik are great too

Surprised the Embassy retained too, given all we've heard about Cage's contract running out it seemed like he'd drop

Athena may be a nasty violent heel but the amount of fun she's having is great to see, she is thriving in this role

The finish was smart too, Athena using the ref to obstruct the Magical Splash/450 and then hit the mid-rope O-Face

Samoa Joe's STF looks painful as hell

Another surprise retaining as well, shame Briscoe couldn't win though

Garcia's been having a pretty good month ngl, matches vs Brody King, Adam Cole and now Tanahashi, definitely been on the up

'You're a wrestler' chants to put Garcia off too, that story ain't over

Evoking Nakamura as well!

Garcia did a stunner to Tana's injured leg, things you don't see too often

New ROH tag belts look neat, same style as the new world title

Doomsday Device from outside the ring was meaty, the proximity to the steps has been making me nervous all show though

Ladder Sandwich as well

Top Flight's...I have no idea what to call it but they propelled each other up the ladder, then they caught a chair thrown at them!

Jose vs Alex finally getting to throw down

I saw that Destroyer coming and it was still INSANE

Glad to see Lucha Bros win, I still backed Aussie Open but not upset with this outcome

FTR are here too!

Moxley here with Yuta is interesting

I also have to give huge props for TK being able to work Shibata into matches which are both hyped and suited for his style. The OC match allowed him to take his time when he needed, and Pure Rules is perfect for his technical style

Shibata using the BCC's Hammer and Anvil

Heel Yoots is great too

Shibata is a wrestling champion again

AEW's Dynamite card is insane, plus Athena vs Miyu on ROH can slap

Claudio went back to the classical version of his theme music, I'll miss the old one but this does match the pompous and cocky energy the BCC are exuding

Eddie going at Claudio immediately, the story we've built wouldn't offer anything less

These two have really been clattering each other too

Having watched the video of their backstory, the Ricola counter/Uraken was still a great nearfall

Meaty gutwrench to the outside of the ring

Kicked out of the Gotch Neutralizer at One!

The finish was greatly heartbreaking, Kingston countering the Ricola with a rana, only to be scooped up and fall a single second short

Shibata making sure Claudio and Yuta didn't jump Eddie

Shibata feuding with the BCC is something I can get behind, Danielson, Claudio, Moxley, there are all dream matches

Eddie saying fuck and shit for a closing promo is very on brand XD

Conclusion

Another great show, it did struggle to match the opener but it got there eventually. No matches were bad and with ROH tapings now TK has been having a lot of fun bringing out the goods without having to worry about ratings. McGuinness back is a big get for ROH as is Shibata as Pure Champion.

Match of the Night: Reach for the Sky Ladder Match Best Attire: Tanahashi, there wasn't any super unique attire but Tana's look is always super stylish Best Performance: This is a tight one, but I'm giving it to Vikingo given how absolutely blockbuster and effortless he is Best Spot: Penta's Mexican Destroyer from Ladder Bridge to outside of the ring's Table Tower

[certainempatheticturkeymuffin]

C'mon you guys, you can't just leave this in the comments!

[Teufelsabbiss:

I guess the only weirded out guy would be SQH. LBH would have the usual jealousy crisis and the rest would be just surprised he considered any women he was with actual lovers and remembering every name. After all, they still think he's the same guy who visited the brothels and also don't have any reason to think he didn't have sex with them.

absolmon:

One of my favorite headcanons is that his middle school girlfriend he kissed was Airplane before he came out of the closet. It also adds to my Cumplane soulmate theory.

tiredbitchposts (OP):

@absolmon I like to headcanon that Aiplane cafished SY during their teenaged yrs and neither of them knows about it

tiredbitchposts (OP):

@teufelsabbiss See my guy, that's the fun part. This magical plant/curse was created when airplane was getting shitted on by some fans bc it felt like Binghe just got a woman, shoved her into his harem then forgot about their existence so in response he created this one where the person affected by it had to name everyone whom they had a relationship with to showcase that Binghe knew and remembered every woman he married

The plan/curse will only cease once the person affected by It names all their serious relationships, so even if the rest of the sect thinks most of them are brothel ladies there's no denying that they were relationships Shen Qingqiu considered as serious

teufelsabbiss:

@tiredbitchposts Now I imagine SQH starting to rant after the twentieth or so name: "Cucumber-bro! How could you ever speak so badly about my villain-son who never even did anything? You're such a hypocrite!!!" And NOW the others are shocked as well. Since when does SQH have a son? And why isn't he in the sect? What a bad father, he's not only not taking care of his kid, he even calls him a villain, aiya!

And MBJ very much wants to know who the rival lover is and whether he needs to kill them. Luo Binghe cries a river of tears, because Shen Qingqiu isn't done naming even more people yet.

tiredbitchposts (OP):

@teufelsabbiss It takes everything in SQQ to not stop naming his his 32th online girlfriend from some game he used to play as a kid to yell at airplane that no, the issue is was not SJ being a slut or not, it was the child abuse and creepy behaviour towards a child (NYY) that was the issue, and you know what— no, he's not gonna die bc he couldn't resist his natural urge to yell at airplane, he'll finish this then do that, now moving on to girls he dated for a week in middle school. Not SQH on his deadbeat daddy era, MBJ is ready to kill a man (then again, when he's not), SQQ being a slut is not news to the sect but THAT certainly is, the gossip will be relentless. Binghe will end this day with 1000 new insecurities, SQQ will now be woken up twice in the middle of the night, one with the usual, do you still love me? And bc of the curse/plant now with a new "am i better than your exes?" He'll never know peace

stu-pidity:

Are the online girlfriend names their actual names or usernames

tiredbitchposts (OP):

@stu-pidity most of them are their names (He's a gentleman, he asks their names before he links their username to his profile) but one of them is a username of a girl who catfished him in 8th grade while they were playing neopets (it was actually SQH), her username was little flower (Xiao Hua) and everyone thinks she was a brothel lady who broke his heart if the grimace on his face is anything to go by (She's actually the reason he started asking for irl names)

hopeless-avo:

@tiredbitchposts Not SQH pausing in dread and staring at SQQ after hearing 'little flower' (Xia Hua), and blurting out whatever username SQQ had used on neopets. SQQ abruptly stops his naming as they come to this silent realisation, after which SQQ goes off at SQH for one day just never replied back, while SQH scrambles to explain how his account was deleted, all while jaws drop in the background.]

Look, i know that Shen Yuan died a virgin and while he had no sexual experience he canonly kissed before getting with Luo Binghe, but do y'all know what would be hysterical in my opinion? If Shen Yuan had a gaggle of ex girlfriends he left behind when he died. Now, you may be wondering, what's so hysterical about that? Well, for one, it just tinkles me pink to think that the same guy who indirectly died from how angry a webnovel he dedicated a great amount of time commenting on made him actually got/could get bitches but decided that verbally abusing Airplane over his shit writting sounded more fun. I also think that knowing the system he'd at some point fall victim to some type of plant or curse that'd force him to name all of his ex lovers out loud unless he wished to die while the rest of the sect watches. Can y'all imagine Yue QingYuan, Luo Binghe, Liu Qingge and fucking Airplane's faces while he's there naming "Yu YaoYao, Mei Ling, Jiang Qin, Fei Liao" plus who else with a pained look on his face while trying to guess if middle school and internet relationships also count??? Plus, i just know he rationalized any lack of sexual thoughts he had towards his exes with "Well, i can't think sexually of a woman who's not my wife, that'd be disrespectful"

[theofficefantasyfootball]

WEEK 13 - Wrap Up

ONE MORE WEEK!

Yes. One more week. Gotta love creepy Creed. This is when it starts to get sad and exciting at the same time. Sad because we must say goodbye to those that each week give us wins and make us feel good. Exciting because after next week we will be a league of 6 - and ultimately working our way down to our Champion of the year. Things are still up in the air...with the exception on 1 thing we know for sure...Bebo Norman is going to grab 1st place in the "ODD" Division as he leaves this week 12-1 and no one can catch up to that. Congrats Bebo on the bye week in week 15.

MALIK MY BALLS vs BOOMER SOONER

Oh wait...something else is for sure...with the win tonight and Scott Krippayne's loss I secure 2nd place in the Odd Division...no one can catch my 10-3 record by winning next week...so I guess there is no need to go into a whole wrap up of how I won....I will play against the player with the most points after next week - between Scott, Gabe, Stu and Kyle.

FUNK GUY vs TuPADRE

Oh, how bitter sweet for Gullahorn. He has a great week...the best week actually...beating Dana Cappillino and grabbing the high point win with 133 points ($20)....but it's too late, he can't make the playoffs...and for Dana - he just need points as it's fairly close (points wise) between Cliff, Mitch and Dana...but he failed to reach 100 points this week. It's going to come down to week 14 for many in the Event division - especially Dana. Congrats Gully. I guess it's nice to get some of your money back! Sending now!

BACKDOOR BANDITS vs TREE HUGGERS

Love this. Kyle who has struggled all year - has a great week 13....too late for him (just like Gully), but he takes down Scott helping me lock in a playoff spot. Thanks bro in law! Scott...don't worry - you just caught too many bye weeks. Just make sure you put up a shit ton of points next week so I can see you in the post season. Nice win Kyle!

LONG LEFT BALLERS vs MR AWESOME

It's constant winning. Every week. Bebo wins again. I really don't want to give it any space on this blog. He's the best. He only lost once. Is this his year....blah blah blah. You got your bye week...let's see if your luck lasts into weeks 16 and 17. Sorry Gabe. Bebo is rude.

HOWARD vs TRADE WITH ME

This was actually a very important game...well, for Howard it was...if he wins he hangs in the battle for 1st place - tied with Cliff Young. If he loses he goes down a game and has the Moose on his heels. Going into the night Trade with Me has a 10 point lead and Calvin Ridley still to play. Howard obviously, down 10 with Jamaar Chase, Evan Engram and the kicker for the Bengals McPherson. Predictor said Howard wins by 2...but as the night went on Howard pulled away and did what he needed to do to win. Congrats! Good luck next week.

MOOSES ON THE LOOSES vs LANAKILA

You know as I was writing this I just took for granted that Lanakila had this won. Then I looked and saw that Mitch had Christian Kirk left to play going into MNF. Down just 18.52 and a Wide Receiver left anything is possible right? Well, who's kidding who. Kirk went out after he made his first catch and fell on his balls. The Moose is dying. He lost - he moves to 6-7 which means he is going to be in the points battle....basically against Funk Guy. Should make for an exciting last week! Nice win Cliff. You did it...you guaranteed a playoff spot but will it be with a Bye week or facing Dana or Mitch in week 15.

CHEERLEADER OF THE WEEK

Nuff said. How could it not be Dolly.

[abcdosaka]

Watched oshi no ko and hells paradise both mid. Kinda makes me mad bc hells paradise was giving soul eater a little bit plus the op is catchy as fuck but I’m a little annoyed like I just don’t think I have it in me to tolerate mid female characters anymore. I really wanted to like it too bc the first ep was really good but then the second was like umm ok this dude is a bit much but he’s cool still. Then the third ep I was like “so why tf is the girl even travelling with him if everyone knows he could easily overpower her at any time”. And the forth ep gabimaru had to save her and she collapsed bc she got overwhelmed ? Like it’s so embarrassing for her I can’t go on. I realize her arc is about facing her fears or something actually no I don’t really know what the author was going for but anyway my point is theres a way to do that without making her a cringe damsel in distress. Maybe I’m just jumping to conclusions bc it really does look good but like it’s not a great look so far

as for oshi no ko I was hoping it would be about like balancing motherhood and being a star or something obviously I expected too much. I actually kinda enjoyed the movie pilot but I dislike that:

1 it’s isekai

2 the mom fucking dies and the kid/guy is on some revenge fantasy bs. Like I said I thought this would be some cute show where a guy doctor falls in love with a pregnant woman who’s actually an idol hiding her identity and the issues that would arise from that. (Btw I did not know she was 16 going into this show. Another thing I dislike)

3 I feel like the isekai part is just accepted and will never come up again. Like idk bc I wouldn’t mind if it was actually incorporated into the story as like the main thing but it’s not really. like I want sarina/rubys backstory to be more important, the connnection between her wanting to be an idol and her not being able to move around in her previous life could be expanded on, idk anything abt the guys goals from before but I would like to see that instead

4 I hate the Mc he’s fucking BORINGGGGG and he’s obsessed w his sister and mom. (Side note When are we gonna get an anime where the Mc just despises his sister like there’s no other feeling other than hate.) What happened to the fun guy who used to be a doctor. Like trauma obvs but his whole personality became unbearable. you could say that he was obsessed with Ai even when he was alive but honestly, bro had a job and lived in the countryside, there is no way he didn’t have other things going on in his life

5 both these kids have no personality other than being obsessed with their mom like SHUT UP PLS

6 it’s literally just a girl in the mcs life suffers due to being an idol and he jumps in to save her by doing something maybe a little innovative and weird but ultimately good. Like I kept watching bc I wanted to see how him trying new things could expand his perspective or something like trying acting again or being on the dating show but no it’s just him saving chicks from other ppl

7 I feel like all of those points just show the plot is trying to be more than what it is. Like it’s just another isekai where an older guy takes care of underage women in return for their dedication. Ok to be fair it actually does have a lot of the inside life of idol culture which is interesting but also don’t advertise it like ai is a main character when she FUCKING DIES :(

I actually kinda dislike gabimaru too like both these mfs are gloomy, overly perfect, emo, and have saviour complexes and it’s rly not my vibe. Like idk they’re Gary stus. Ebony darkness dementia raven way but as a guy. Like please just suck at something you’re boring me

I think that’s what I get for trying to watch Shonen but ugh. I like action I like the power of friendship I even like a lil romance if it’s not like annoying and very specifically aimed toward the male gaze.