#I want him in ways problematic to feminism

[pepsispook13]

I love Trent

[livvyofthelake]

i won’t get into it but i want everyone to know i’ve been having a category five billion moment about my blonde man in the past like two days. the situation is so dire but again let’s not get into it. just know there are things going on behind the scenes you cannot comprehend <3

[crimsonender]

Why do you care so much about Lily Orchard

Actually getting this a little backwards. I took notice of Lily Orchard as an individual earlier this year, back in January to March, when she was listed amongst a series of trans creators that are unfairly scrutinized. As she was the only one who had a Tumblr at the time I began following her because I wanted to basically spite transphobes. I've come under fire myself for being trans in the past.

What I discovered in the months I followed her is that she had awful takes and was really dismissive and sometimes outright mean to her fans. I went to a live stream or two, and I watched a couple videos. I soon became critical of her, and decided to do some research. This lead me to Hiding in Private and Sai Scribbles. At the time, I was focused on Lily being a bad YouTuber, both in terms of content and how she treated her fans.

I knew that no one else was going to cover her video on the Coffin of Andy and Leyley because most people dismiss this gothic horror game as problematic and incestuous. As a fan of the genre and the game itself I decided to cover the video. Then as a spur of the moment decision at the end of that stream I decided to cover her latest Kingdom Hearts video as well. This would turn into a an edited video later on where I was very insistant on not focusing on Lily's actions and the allegations. I was mostly concerned with her rhetoric and behaviour as a YouTuber, because I had been wanting to talk about media analysis for a long time. As you can see from my coverage on MatPat, Anita Sarkiseen, Anthony Gramgulia, and iDubbbz. I think there is something fundamentaly flawed with the way the modern internet analyzes media. Each of these individuals has contributed negatively to this rhetoric in their own way, but where people like Anthony and iDubbbz and even Sarkiseen have tried to improve (and in Anthony's case a large reason for the majority of his writing that is worthy of criticism was how he was editorialized by the publications he worked for) Lily has always doubled down and gotten worse. Moreover my biggest issue with Lily right now is how she interacts with her fandom, which is unique to her. She has been publically very sexual towards them, she encourages anti-intellectualism, has a history of abuse, so yeah that definitely is a factor. My last two videos were less about her media analysis and more about how she interacts with her audience and the world around her. I think people like Lily are dangerous.

I don't hate everyone I cover. I'm friends with Anthony and I like his videos and style of writing. He's not perfect but he's also very open to criticism. iDubbbz I'm not a big fan of but for the most part I'm fairly indifferent to. MatPat's videos while I'm highly critical of them, are somewhat of a guilty pleasure for me and I've been watching him since he released his first Starfox video. Sarkiseen I am more critical of but acknowledge she was one of the first people to make videos about feminism in modern media on the scale she was doing it. I wouldn't say anything these people are doing is dangerous.

If Lily was just some woman on the internet with a bad opinion then I probably wouldn't care. It's Lily's control over such a large number of people that worries me. Dismantling her rhetoric is how we show the people she has control over a way out. It's how we teach people that have been trained to turn their brain off that they should think for themselves. Videos like Joon the King's covering her allegations are important don't get me wrong, but unless we teach people to think for themselves, they're just going to fall for the next grifter to come along. The crux of the matter is that no one person should dictate what your opinion is based on how big of a fan you are of them. This problem is so much bigger than Lily. Lily just represents this issue to such a large degree.

[flavia8]

You know. Something I really hate about a lot of popular fantasy books, and it's especially prevalent in Romantasy, is what passes for Feminism in them. It's a toothless fake, used as an aesthetic/seasoning. A sprinkle of *strong female character* and a dash of deceptively misogynistic everything else, and for the finishing touch a pinch of man who's slightly better than being openly sexist and Boom. Fantasy series led by a FMC.

Generally, the Female Main character either starts out or becomes incredibly powerful, but always, always, always her power is linked to the men around her. She supposedly has agency and makes her own choices but the choices she makes are between choices provided to her by men. Her male love interest is more powerful in SOME way, and ends up besting her in some way. Experience, training, power, there's always some way the man is better than her. Female characters are never allowed to just BE powerful. Or even just BE single. Often they give up their powers, or are forcibly stripped of them. They look down on other female characters for doing "feminine" work. And, they're stupid as hell to supposedly make them relatable or endearing. Often, the male mc is concerningly abusive but it's portrayed as dreamy, romantic and Ideal. (I genuinely get the love for villains, and enemies to not, and the love for morally grey characters, I genuinely do, but this isn't that, what happens in these books is just genuinely bad (if they actually were people) being portrayed through rose colored glasses) [And in some stories that could be genuinely interesting!] If there's a second Love Interest, he will just do the same awful shit to the MC but it's better now bc it's him.

If the female character isn't white, all of this + a staggering amount of racism. They're rarely MCs. They're fridged for the MCs, they serve the MCs, they're never as beautiful or powerful as the MC, they're stereotyped and portrayed as savage, vapid, comically evil, or just as a good guy with no character at all.

These books are presented as feminist and it pisses me off. Feminism is equality for all, and the fight for Women to be equal and have their own agency. To make their own decisions. Genuinely I believe writers should be able to write whatever they want. I have no issues with having "problematic" stuff in books. My issue is when people start to believe that this shit is feminist, and the author is so skilled and amazing, and it's a masterpiece! Fuck that.

[separatist-apologist]

make 3 acotar confessions that would get you in trouble *evil laugh*

"trouble" in the sense that people will vague my opinions but I'm so oblivious, I'll never know.

The fandom is too concerned with other people shipping things they personally don't like

Literally who gives a single shit should be the question a lot of ya'll ask yourselves before you start putting your "if you like blahblahblah you're disgusting and normalizing [insert literally ANYTHING vaguely problematic right here] and therefore its okay if I harass you". Tragically people do NOT ask themselves that question.

It's not that they find it problematic- because they are often LOUDLY proud of the problematic things THEY like and seem to understand that liking something in fiction doesn't say anything about themselves directly. So like...the problem, then, is that you're bothered people enjoy something you find gross/weird/whatEVER and you want them to stop. But they can't just say that, so we do this weird backwards dance of finding some real life problem with fictional characters to justify harassing real life people.

2. People are way too married to fanon

Not one dude in this series is your sweet, sad, soft boy and that's all I'm gonna say about that.

3. Mor did nothing wrong

I'll die on this hill. Everyone understands consent SO well until it comes to Mor, and then suddenly she owes men an explanation/her kindness/her time/her attention. Mor doesn't owe Azriel ANYTHING- if he can't move on after 500 years, thats literally HIS problem ONLY. If Eris wants to explain himself to Mor and she says he can eat shit, thats on ERIS. If Elain doesn't owe Lucien her time OR an explanation for breaking their bond then neither does Mor and frankly they need to stop projecting their own desires/needs/whatever onto her.

What has Mor even done? Because if a man is about to confess his love to you and you leave him there, is that not a response? If a man harms you, regardless of his intentions, and you're afraid of him, do you owe it to his feelings to hear him out? Mor is such an interesting litmus test for the fandom and their supposed values around feminism and consent.

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Round 2

Propaganda Under Cut

Elizabeth Midford

She started as just a cutie fiancée trying her best, turns out she's also a swordfighting genius, very under pressure to perform feminity in the Victorian Rose type of way. Fandom crucifies her bc she's Ciel's fiancée and they want him to be with his butler, Sebastian, the demon he sold his soul to for revenge

anime was a shitty canon divergent adaptation that butchered her character down to her "cutesy silly girly" persona, which obviously made the 2008 anime fans hate her with a passion (nothing wrong w being girly I'm just saying the adaptation made her super one dimensional) anyways fujoshis used to treat her as a villain because she's the fiance of Ciel,, who as u might know already was HEAVILY shipped with his butler, Sebastian back then (now it's kinda looked badly upon, nice tbh that ship sucks ass xD) She's a bit similar to Misa Amane from death note in the way she was treated. (Like an obstacle the yaoi ship must overcome rather than a person)

she's my silly little rabbit! i could gush about her character but i'll keep it short and just say that she's really well written and one of the best characters in the series. anyways she's ciel's fiance and she's like, rightfully annoying as any other 13 yr old girl would be but the fanbase fucking crucified her for even existing. she gets demonized for being 'annoying', but then ciel gets yaoishipped with an even more annoying guy. there is 100% an argument that lizzie/ciel is weird bc they're cousins (i personally don't ship it) but that falls flat when her detractors then ship the 13 yr old ciel with an eons old demon who Canonically looks like his father. the anime also never reached her main character development until years after its peak and that was only in a movie, so she really got the bad end of the stick here. not me though i had a giant crush on her when i was 12

Katara

Katara is constantly mistreated by the fans in favor of the Zukka ship (Zuko × Sokka.) They make her out to be mean, homophobic, and completely out of character just to add drama to the Zukka ship. In reality, Katara is very compassionate, and would never act that way toward anyone. 

Zutara was a popular ship but when zukka got popular over covid during the atla renaissance there were a million posts about how zutara was problematic while zukka was perfect usually for racist reasons. Meanwhile katara and sokka are siblings so it didn't even make sense. They did not have to be so illogically rude to her to ship zukka and it was weird

Katara is FANTASTIC I fucking love her to pieces she is so cool and yet the entirety of the ATLA fandom treats her like garbage because she “talks about her mom dying too much” (even though she BARELY does & also was parentified from a young age due to her mother’s death) and, of course, because she’s a more feminine women when compared to her counterparts. Even in the show itself she’s mistreated: she’s ALWAYS shown cooking for the rest of the gaang, doing their laundry, any ‘womanly’ task. She ends up with the guy who kissed her twice without her consent & who she never showed any real attraction to and apparently (despite being a badass warrior-doctor!!!) after the show ended she just… settled down in the South Pole and had a bunch of kids and never did anything else. She didn’t even get a statue :( Anyways during the ATLA renaissance, despite Zutara actually not being canon, people felt that Katara threatened the sanctity of the new almost entirely baseless yaoi ship, Zukka. Unfortunately for them, due to the fact that Katara and Sokka are siblings, the usual anti-Zutara arguments didn’t work as well. So they resorted to just… slaughtering her character. If she was lucky, they’d just make Katara a background character, wingwoman, &or throw her together with her canon love interest. If she was unlucky they’d do anything from make her homophobic (??) to killing her off! Fuck’s sake, she never even got a token spare-the-pairs wlw ship! Sorry for getting so heated, that whole debacle made me FUMING MAD.

[crash-cinematic-universe]

Human Resources

Roman Roy/reader (drabble)

~ Having lunch with your problematic boss is about as fun as it sounds (very fun)

warnings: joking about sexual harassment (no actual sexual harassment)

notes: i wanna make this guy meow for me. lil somethin to shake off the cobwebs. this is like a little corny but I forgot how to write good during my hiatus

“I could bludgeon you to death.” 

“What?” 

Roman almost seems offended by your surprise. He looks at you from across his desk as though he’d asked you the weather and you slapped him across the face. You’d been having a relatively peaceful afternoon–it had been hectic in the office, so you both decided to eat lunch at Roman’s desk. Your conversation had been fine, if maybe a little mundane. You were almost grateful for Roman’s weird outburst for allowing the both of you to fall into your regular routines. 

“I feel like, if it really came down to it, I could bludgeon you to death,” He leans forward in his chair. “I’m not saying I want to, I’m just saying if the situation called for it, I wouldn’t, like, struggle.”

“Why the fuck would the situation call for it?” You ask, eyebrows furrowed. 

“I don’t fucking know, maybe you start PMS-ing and end up taking a swing at me.” 

“Jesus, Rome,” you chide, “Is this the kinda shit you fantasize about? Spend a lot of time playing with yourself imagining what it would feel like to bash my brains out?” A part of you is grateful that you've finished your lunch already–this conversation is not working wonders for your appetite. 

“Ok, well, now you made it weird.” Roman slumped over in his chair, sitting at an angle that could not have been comfortable. “I was just throwing it out there, no need to get your fuckin’ dick twisted in a knot.”

“Y’know what? I bet you’re wrong,” This catches his attention. “If we got into a fight like that–like, life or death–I could kick your ass.”

“No fucking way, are you kidding? Have you seen yourself?” he pushes himself up where he sits, fitting his legs underneath his body and leaving him perched on his chair like a bird. “You’re, like, 2% muscle and 98% bitch. You can’t even send your drink back if they get your coffee order wrong–I think if you were faced with life-threatening danger, your heart would self-destruct to avoid the conflict. I wouldn’t even have to bludgeon you to death.”

If anybody else was saying this to you, you’d be appalled. Thankfully, you’ve had years of practice fully dedicated to building up your Roman tolerance. “You’re hardly life-threatening, Rome. All I need to do is call you gross, like, once, and you’d be too blinded by weird, horny brain-fog to fight me,” You’re not sure when you rose from your seat and began to lean against his desk, but you pay it no mind. Like clockwork, he rises up on his chair to reach your eye level. He has a smug look on his face that you’d grown increasingly accustomed to. 

“You’re disgusting, you know that? I could get you fired for talking to a superior that way, you pervert.” He narrows his eyes at you, and the corners of his mouth quirk upwards. He’s moved closer to you, close enough so that you feel his breath on your face. Too close. You take the opportunity to flick him on the underside of his jaw, and he throws his head backward as though you’d socked him in the nose. 

“That’s assault! You just assaulted me! God, Human Resources is going to have a field day with this. The young, naive assistant violently assaulting her boss after making crude, sexual comments about him–feminism really has gone too far.” He leans back toward you, this time straining to seem as though he was towering over you. Instead, he ends up talking to your forehead. 

“Please, Roman, you’re being delusional.” His jaw drops.

“And now you’re gaslighting me. I cannot believe I’ve had someone so cruel working for me all these years.” He fans himself like a southern belle. You stifle your laughter at his dramatic display. “You’re toxic, this is toxic. Do you think Greg treats Tom this way? Because I sure don’t.”

“Greg treats me in what way?” Tom’s voice cuts through. Both you and Roman jerk backwards, and for some reason you feel your face heat up. It feels like you’ve been caught doing something you shouldn’t have. 

“He treats you like the pretty pillow princess you are, Tom.” Roman quips, seemingly unaffected by Tom’s sudden appearance. Tom’s face contorts strangely, and he lets out a strangled half-scoff-half-laugh while flapping his hand dismissively. You cock an eyebrow at his behavior, which draws out for just a little too long. Tom clears his throat.

“Anyways,” he straightens his tie. Your mind wanders to a late-night conversation you had with Roman where he called Tom a ‘sad, deeply repressed, half-muppet-half-man hybrid’. It becomes clearer everyday that he was spot on. “Kendall asked to see you in his office. I’m not sure what about, but he seemed… frazzled.”

“Frazzled.” Roman repeats, irritated. He turns to you, and for a second, you almost think he looks disappointed. “Duty calls. I’ll have to report you to HR later. Try not to sexually harass anyone else until then, m’kay?”

Before you have a chance to respond, he blows you a kiss and scurries out the door, leaving you and Tom alone in his office. Tom looks at you with his muppet eyes.

“Sexually harass…?”

“Get out, Tom.”

[fandomfluffandfuck]

Okay, I admit defeat, I cannot keep myself from writing a little something based on this post from @howdoyousleep3

You gotta read the original post, but, essentially... trust fund baby Buck hiring a Daddy because he wants to be taken care of 🥺

For visuals:

This Bucky

gifs by @/fucklinski

With this Steve

Something about this AU just gives me sweater-wearing Daddy, okay?

Aaaand this got out of hand (as every "short" drabble I try to write does) so:

Warning for hurt/comfort, slight homophobia, drugs/alcohol use (drugs are all in the background though), explicit sexual content, semi-public play, daddy kink, fisting 👀, dirty talk, feminization, breath play, etc., etc.

Anyway, this is like fucking 5k words oops...

Hey, Alexa? Play “Life Of The Party” by The Weeknd then "National Anthem" by Lana Del Ray

Trust fund baby Buck spends all of his time at clubs, parties, events, and any sort of socializing event that is required for someone of his status--of his family's status.

All in all, though, he genuinely loves people. He loves the over-the-top parties, he enjoys the decadence of expensive drinks--most of them alcoholic ever since the second he turned 18 (because it's the European thing to do)--and he flourishes in these spaces. The attention. The social butterfly-ness of it all

…Usually.

Usually he loves it all.

Yet, as he’s grown into his own adult person a little more he’s begun to realize one thing; it’s not as lovely and shiny as it used to feel.

Bucky knows, in part, it’s because he’s simply not a child any longer.

But he also knows it’s because he’s gay. And because he’s lonely. Yes, he’s lonely in part because he’s gay and old money leans more… well, it isn’t called the Grand Old Party for no reason, so, yeah, he’s a little lonely because even within the group of trust fund babies his age, they’re lagging behind pop culture. They’re not, like, spitting on him or swearing at him out of homophobia. And good ol’ pops isn’t disowning him or denying him of their fortune, but… no one has ever asked him if he’s seen any cute boys. No one asked him--when he came out--if he’d even kissed a boy yet. No one asked him about his crushes. No one suggests, oh, look at that dashing (equally rich and) young man, you should go talk to him--you could marry him! Bucky gets nothing of the sort. His sexuality is ignored. The best he got upon coming out was a tight-lipped smile and a nod.

More and more Bucky yearns for community.

Also, Bucky’s lonely because he can’t exactly see a future here. How’s he supposed to find a partner like he wants if everyone is lowkey(?) homophobic?

Also ×2, he’s lonely despite the excess of this lifestyle because… he’s probably always been lonely. Not to blame his parents for all of his problems, but, when your parents are too rich, too busy, and too good to raise their own child--always handing them off to the help with a poorly disguised face of disgust for a child that is simply crying and drooly and snotty because, well, it’s a child--that does something to said child.

No matter how lovely the help is, no matter how bonded he felt to the help, they cannot replace parents you can’t reach. And parents you can’t ever reach, you can't impress, and you can't please since they’ve had everything they could wish for from the time they were young is also problematic for a growing human. At least Bucky was always good at socializing. That (sometimes) seems to please his parents. And it's been very beneficial to Bucky over the years.

Ever since Bucky was able to talk, he’s bounced around any event he was taken to, conversing with everyone and, without even meaning to, ending up with a string of girls behind him. His mother says it’s his smile and his eyes--what girls won’t do for a boy with blue eyes and dimples! His father says it’s his conversation and thanks himself for it, patting Bucky on the shoulder as he roughly and proudly guffaws, “just like his father! Can talk his way out of anything! Could sell a breathing man air!”

Any interest in the people he strung along, without meaning to, faded fast. Every time.

So, he’s lonely.

He's craving companionship.

And since Bucky came out when he was 17, he has been looking for a partner. He’s gotten lucky here and there with hook-ups (most fueled by too much champagne, some drugs he'd rather not admit to having taken, or charged by the fact they were sneaking away to do it somewhere they DEFINITELY weren't supposed to), one-off dates (all his dates comprised of people he met at galas or whatever and always the same social class, never lower), and even a couple handful of months-long relationships (done mostly for show even if Bucky did like them… he really wanted to show everyone he was capable of settling down!).

But by this point, this many tries deep, none of them have been The One and, hell, none of them have even been that good.

Bucky's just tired of prancing around searching blindly for what he wants when he damn well knows what he wants--what he wishes for, eyes shut, sliding down the inside of the door to his brownstone, sighing, day-dreaming and what he craves when he curls up in his massive bed, alone, surrounded by an ocean of sheets with too many pillow islands, eyes shut, beginning to breathe heavily, waking up certain parts of himself… hands wandering down his own body… night-dreaming 👀

He knows what he wants. It's so hard to find though.

And he’s about to throw in the towel (yes, he’s aware he’s still in his early- to mid-20s, and yes, he’s that dramatic) when…

He goes to a bar after another event.

He just needs to be around “normal” people, feeling especially tired that night of lofty, wealthy people. (He’s also a little sick of himself since he knows he isn’t always that much better when it comes down to it)

And at this bar, he sees Steve--he sees this man at the other end of the bar. The man is larger than life, sitting on a bar stool at the counter, the other end of the bar from where Bucky sits, with broad shoulders swathed in a thick, dark sweater and big hands wrapped around a glass. As he lifts the glass to drink, he chats with the bartender.

This stranger is older with handsome crow's feet at the corners of his eyes and grays beginning to come into his beard as well as spreading back through his hair from his temples.

The man laughs at something the bartender says after swallowing, big and loud and full of obvious enjoyment. It sounds good.

Bucky almost wants to shoo the bartender back over to the mystery man when she comes to refill his sugary cocktail later. He would much rather she make him laugh again.

But, instead…

Bucky buys him a drink, tipping her exorbitantly yet again to make sure it’s the best he can get. Bucky would buy the handsome stranger what he’s having already but doesn’t recognize what’s in his glass, nor that particular type of glass, and he’s feeling more creative than just asking her so he just bluntly asks--

“What’s the most expensive drink you have?” The bartender looks at him funny but tells him regardless. “I’ll get that then," he doesn't even wait for her to say how much it costs, "just not for me--” Bucky tips his head in the mystery man’s direction “--give it to him.”

She does as he asks, sliding the glass across the table to the other man and saying something he doesn’t catch but she looks over to him after. The bartender and Bucky make eye contact again.

Bucky looks away, from her and the man. He's unable to watch the older man refuse it. Bucky doesn't even know if he's gay. He doesn't know why he did it… he just…

Bucky hopes it’s good alcohol. Not to be a picky brat but… his cocktail isn’t very good even with the alcohol hidden behind juice and lots of sugar, so he can’t imagine most of their drinks must be good. It’s just a little neighborhood, almost a dive bar anyway. The more expensive, the smoother the liquor. He knows as such. High-quality champagne goes down like candy.

He hopes this guy appreciates the smoother taste. (If the guy doesn't come over and punch him for being gay.)

Bucky swallows another mouthful of his unsatisfactory cocktail. He barely has it down when the guy approaches him. He has scooped up the new drink in one of those big hands. He must've finished or abandoned his other. And--

He’s smiling as he approaches, apparently as easy-going as he looks in that thick sweater and worn baseball cap.

Handsome and easy-to-please sits down next to him. Playfully mentioning that it looks like things should be the other way around, he should be buying something for Bucky--if Bucky is even old enough to drink? How’d he get in here anyway? It's not the glitzy, flashing-light nightclub he'd expect for a young person.

Bucky internally sighs, if only this was the most debauched place he’s been… but, externally, Bucky tells him, of course, I'm old enough. I've just always had a baby face.

Well, then, even if you're old enough, I'm still right! He grins. Steve--he gives Bucky his name finally--should be buying him a drink instead! Not that it’s hurt Steve’s pride or anything, he just is pretty sure Bucky’s got more important things to spend his money on than buying strangers drinks, like, student loans, partying with kids his age, or actually starting a savings account.

Bucky laughs, harder than he means to, at the examples. He feels lost tonight. The laughter means he ends up having to explain himself, who he is--rather who his father is and who his grandfather was. He doesn’t need another savings account, he already has too many. He bites his tongue before saying he has too much money, which is true but… he's never said that out loud before.

What is going on with him tonight?! He's not even drunk or high!

Steve, however, is obviously taken aback, blue eyes widening. But he tries to hide it. It’s sweet. He continues to treat him like a regular person after he admits it.

It feels real.

Bucky feels like it's not a big deal. Steve even shrugged! If only it was real… not just one night. One moment.

Except…

They talk for a long time.

Bucky buys Steve more drinks. Bucky assumes Steve’s going to take him home or at least back to the bathroom. He wants it. Steve looks like he'd be good at holding and grabbing and fucking. Bucky wants all of that. Steve doesn’t ask though.

And when Bucky asks--would you like to get out of here? Steve cocks his head and says, “we’re drinking.” his eyes also say, I'm so much older than you, are you sure? Am I sure?, but he doesn't voice it.

“Yeah? So?”

“I’d rather not be a drunk hookup.”

“I wouldn’t have to be drunk to hookup with you.”

“You’re sweet,” he says as if Bucky has given him a genuine compliment rather than telling him he’s fuckable, “but still, you’re tipsy. I’m tipsy, so…” He shrugs like that explanation is enough.

Bewildered Bucky asks, “really?”

“As much as I want to take you up on the offer, yeah. We're not really in any state to decide to do that. I don’t think I am at least.”

Huh.

Bucky’s never encountered someone so… responsible? Bucky doesn’t actually know if he's being responsible, but it feels that way. But… okay, sure, not how he thought his night would go, although that's been his entire night, so he might as well keep the punches rolling.

They talk more.

They talk about everything.

And, suddenly, the bar is getting ready to close! Bucky doesn't know where the time has gone. All he knows is that he unthinkingly pays Steve’s tab plus his own. Steve blushes a little in the low bar lighting. And he ends up cracking a few more unserious jokes about role reversal. Their ages. Their income. Their savings. Their lives. The way this should be the other way around if anything.

His jokes give Bucky some ideas…

Ideas that come out of his mouth rather than staying inside his mind because Bucky is only now actually tipsy (he may be young but good, expensive alcohol since he turned 18 will give anyone a high tolerance… especially someone who indulges as often as Bucky does).

Steve might be drunk or humoring him massively because he agrees (with some convincing (less convincing than Bucky expected though)) that they could try that. If Bucky is serious. But not while they're drunk. Again, not while they're drunk.

They exchange phone numbers instead.

Bucky calls his driver to pick him up--he could pay the ticket for driving himself home, no problem, but he's not that much of an ass (or that dumb). He also offers Steve a ride but, apparently, this bar isn’t too far from the place he calls home. And he wants to walk home. Sober up some. Breathe some fresh air so he doesn’t have quite the hangover when he wakes up. Right, hangovers. Another difference in age. Bucky doesn't really get those yet despite how much he drinks.

Anyway, Steve promises to text Bucky later. When he gets home and then even later, about that idea.

I made iit bacj

Bucky recalls the encounter in the morning, waking up with the stale taste of cheap alcohol in his mouth and a single text in his phone. But, he doesn’t know if Steve remembers, beyond that misspelled, drunk text. So he waits.

And waits.

And waits…

Steve does not text him.

Steve does not text him for the entire day after their encounter. And you can call Bucky a spoiled brat who has never had to wait for a goddamn thing in his life, but that wouldn't stop Bucky from being a little upset and impatient. He felt something with Steve! Or he thought he did and--

He wants to believe, desperately, that Steve felt it to.

So, Bucky texts Steve first. He waits a day and a half before caving.

Steve responds: Honestly, I didn’t text you because I couldn’t convince myself that I didn’t dream up last night. Plus, if I didn’t dream it, I hadn’t yet convinced myself that you were serious. Sorry to leave you wondering.

He might just be charming Bucky, calling him a dream, to get at the money that he offered him--Bucky’s had plenty of people do that, use him, trying to get at his wealth, but… he doesn’t care. Let Steve use him for the money if that’s all this is going to be. Steve was just so warm. And Bucky wants more of it. He was freezing. He is freezing, maybe even more so now that he's felt just how good that warmth is.

So…

Over the coming weeks, they text back and forth, explaining themselves, getting to know each other, then arranging a time and place to meet to discuss an actual arrangement.

Companionship for money.

Bucky was serious. He's more serious now. He doesn't want Steve to fade away, he likes him too much, but what else can Bucky offer him than money? Steve seems happy. He's old enough he has his own life with a job and purpose. Not like Bucky.

So, Steve will provide the companionship and Bucky will provide the money.

It takes a while to meet up again, after the bar, because everywhere Bucky suggests they get together, private places, are all places Steve can’t get into (country clubs, lavish nightclubs) or hasn’t ever been to (expensive hotels, secretive businesses off the commonly walked path, whatever). Steve asks, eventually, if he might just come over to Bucky’s house after Bucky shoots down Steve's idea of a cafe because, no, too public. Too high of a risk of paparazzi. Bucky is embarrassed he didn’t think of the simple things. Starbucks. Someone's apartment. A park. God. A country club? That was the best he could come up with?!

Either way, they meet and discuss.

An agreement is made.

Weekly allowances for Steve in the form of money that goes straight to one of his bank accounts (a flat rate with additional “bonuses” depending on how much time Steve spends with Bucky), all his to do whatever he pleases with, and money that goes into an account Steve controls but that is meant for Bucky--money meant for Steve to use to buy things for Bucky. It’s not Steve’s money, not really, but they pretend it is.

Extra money will be added for private events, public events (if Bucky decides he wants that), or other "large" things.

They also discuss what companionship will be exactly. Texting. Phone calls. Breakfast/lunch/dinner dates. Cuddling. Binge-watching shows. Maybe outings to spas or events or parties--if Steve will come with him. And…

Steve, this time, is the one to bring up sex. “Is that going to be a part of this?”

“Can it be?” Bucky asks, blushing and helplessly flicking his eyes down to Steve's body. Those shoulders. That chest. His thighs and what's between them, packed into his slim-fit jeans enticingly.

“Let me think about it,” Steve says steadily, unembarrassed. Once he texted Bucky, in a very non-judgemental way, but I'm not a sex worker, as if he were puzzled that he ended up here. Or puzzled that Bucky wasn't just going for a sex worker. But… he seems to be figuring his own emotions out. Bucky lets him. They move on. Discussing other things.

Eventually, Steve goes home.

A week passes.

Steve agrees that sex can be part of it via a phone call. Bucky tries to not react too strongly and wires him money to go and get an STI test even though he knows Steve can afford it himself. Bucky gets one too for himself.

But, when the results are in, both of them infection-free, sex doesn’t happen immediately. It’s more PG-companionship at first.

~~~

Steve comes over after he finishes work to eat dinner with Bucky, prepared by the help. They chat. They drink with dinner. Bucky soaks in every moment of it. Steve doesn't compliment his non-cooking but he does compliment Bucky's outfit. (He does tell the help they've done wonderfully when they come to collect the plates though.) Bucky wants to roll around in his voice, rumbly and perfect. He resists the urge to immediately have Steve over again the next evening.

He limits himself to bi-weekly at most for the first month. But… he can't keep it that sparse for too long. Steve's company is incredible.

So, dinner happens again and again.

They get comfortable around each other.

They move beyond dinner soon enough. And Steve goes shopping with Bucky, dutifully complimenting every item he puts on and how good he looks in it. Bucky watches Steve pick up things he likes--Bucky can see it on his face--and put them down immediately after seeing the price tag with a horrified noise in the back of his throat. Bucky blurts out, "just fucking get it," the sixth or seventh time it happens. Steve laughs, raising an eyebrow at him, and makes another joke. Something about having unknowingly acquired a sugar daddy. Being allowed to buy exorbitantly priced things. Luxury things.

Then, it's Bucky's turn to make a horrified sound in the back of his throat. This is just companionship and some sex and--

He wasn't ready to admit to that!

Steve senses something is wrong and apologizes without even knowing what he supposedly did. Bucky brushes it off quickly though. At least, Bucky tries to brush it off but he can't.

He can't shake it.

Hearing "Daddy" in Steve's voice… Fuck. Bucky wants to hear him call himself Daddy again. Bucky wants to call him Daddy.

Goddammit.

Despite his self imposed rules to Not Cross That Boundary With Steve…

Bucky ends up enticing Steve to fuck him for the first time in the high-end brand's dressing room. It'll be fine. He can control himself. He can get fucked without moaning for Daddy, right? He's done it before!

Yet…

With his legs tight around Steve's solid waist, his hands squeezing Steve's biceps tightly, and his teeth biting down on one of those huge shoulders as Steve's thick cock makes room for itself inside him, carving him open, hot and fast and good, he can’t muffle himself fully. One tiny gasp of, "d-daddy!" slips out of him.

And it's over.

Steve hears it and his next thrust is punishing. It's harsh. It fucks his cock right up against Bucky's sweet spot.

Bucky's mouth falls open with an obscene moan.

"Again," Steve whispers, pinching his side at the same time, adding a flicker of pain to their fucking.

Bucky doesn't hear it. He's too busy being fucked.

Steve won't stand for that though. He presses Bucky harder against the dressing room wall. Bucky smacks the back of his head happily on the wall. And, "say it again," Steve whispers again, voice harsher this time. Gritted out between his teeth.

Bucky moans louder.

And so Steve cups a hand over his mouth, squeezing his face with one of those huge, powerful hands, heavily whispering, "you better be quiet, baby. 'Cause you don't wanna get caught with your Daddy fucking your pretty brains out, do you? Don't wanna get banned from this store when you like their stupidly expensive clothes so--so fuckin' much, do you?"

Bucky's eyes roll. back. into. his. head. as he whines, muffled, against Steve's palm.

"Do you?"

Bucky shakes his head as much as he can with his jaw being squeezed like this.

"Didn't think so, no, sweet boy wants his Daddy all to himself. Doesn't he?"

The rush of Daddy calling himself Daddy and calling Bucky sweet boy has him spilling between their bodies.

Fuck.

Bucky ruins their clothes but he doesn't even blink. They'll just wear some of their clothes out of the store. Steve is floored. Jaw dropped. Bucky's gonna buy all of that? A whole new outfit? Did he even look at the tags? Did he even look at how much it costs? Bucky shakes his head. Nope. It doesn't matter. It can't be that expensive.

"Jesus Christ, boy," Steve murmurs, shaking his head and chuckling.

Bucky, playful and high on such a fantastic fucking and orgasm, leans in reeeal close to Daddy. He stretches up onto his tippy-toes. And he bites that beard jaw, purring, "welcome to the high life, Daddy."

Steve groans, his soft cock twitching in his new, expensive slacks.

~~~

And suddenly it's like hearing Bucky say that once, then hooking up and using it, makes everything click in Steve's head.

It's like he suddenly can read Bucky's thoughts. Because somehow he knows exactly what he craves now.

And Steve fucking steps. up. his. game.

He goes from just your average paid-romantic-partner to dream fucking Daddy.

Steve feeds Bucky dinner, balancing the younger man in his lap, telling him he’s good and pretty and everything Bucky knew he craved to hear but also what he didn't know he wanted--he needed to hear. It's a damn religious experience.

Steve gets a key to his brownstone and lets himself in before Bucky returns home to start a bath for him. A bath complete with fancy products that he buys with Bucky in mind and the peachy smell the younger man likes. Once Bucky arrives home, Steve brings him into the bathroom to strip him, jerk him off until he's crumbling into Daddy's chest, weak at the knees, and lower him into the bath he's made. Daddy washes him limb by limb, massaging him as he goes. Then… Daddy lifts him out of the bath and dumps him on his bed to fuck him. Bucky cannot do shit after his bath. God. His head is lolled back, his muscles are all melted, and his noises only come out as puffed, breathy, and overwhelmed things. Daddy teases him affectionately for being a spoiled princess. But, shit, with the way Daddy puts his back into fucking him… it doesn't seem like he minds.

Steve lets Bucky pull him around social events. Wide-eyed and trying not to be the entire time. He often leans into Bucky throughout the night, covertly asking him what the fuck is that? What should I order? Why is it all in french, what the hell? How the fuck do I eat that? What fork again? Which glass? Disguising all of his questions are sweet nothings that make Bucky blush, doted on by his older partner.

~~~

Bucky knows he’s whining the second he starts talking into the receiver of his cell phone after the beep indicating that he needs to leave his message or hang up, “Daddyyy, I hope whatever you’re doing is important enough to excuse you not picking up,” he can't help but huff. He’s had the, like, worst day ever. Already. It's barely 1:00 pm and he has an event to attend tonight. “I just Venmo-ed you your extra allowance-" that's what they've taken to calling the money that Steve gets to spend on Bucky, "-for this week and with the day I’ve had..." he sighs, pinching his brow and forcing himself over the embarrassment of actually asking for what he needs, once in his goddamn life. His cheeks are pink. At least he knows Steve likes it. Him asking for shit. “I want something really nice, please, Daddy? Something that'll help me blow off steam." Bucky blushes more intensely, finishing off with, "I'll see you Friday, Daddy--don't forget my driver is coming by to pick you up--but it'd be good if you could maybe call me before then. Bye-bye”

Steve calls back after work. He must've sped home to call so soon. Bucky smirks, thinking about maybe having to pay for a speeding ticket. Which shouldn't turn him on but… he's been known to have a thing for bad boys here and there 😏

Daddy has good timing with his call, he's just getting changed for tonight's event.

Steve's rumbling voice greets him the second he picks up the call labeled 💖🔥Daddy🔥💖 “tough week, huh, sweet boy? That's okay, Daddy's here to make it better."

Bucky sighs. Already, he feels better. Already, he can feel his brain begin to fade away into a pink, cotton candy haze he seems to always soak in when around Steve.

Yet, Steve's voice gets more mischievous now, "Daddy bought you some pretty things like you deserve but Daddy also bought himself something… you wanna know what he got?"

Bucky nods, frazzled enough to forget Steve can't see him. When he remembers suddenly though, he forces his voice to work, "y-yeah, wanna know."

"There's Daddy's sweet boyy," he coos. He swallows, then, "Daddy bought himself a Rolex."

Oh, oof.

There's another thing that shouldn't turn Bucky on but does… high-end brand names coming out of Steve's plush lips. Something about hearing it makes Bucky's dick hard. He doesn't know what and he doesn't really care to know so long as Steve keeps doing it.

"But you know the secret about what Daddy bought himself today?"

"No," Bucky breathes.

"Well," Steve pauses dramatically, "this watch isn’t just for Daddy. It's for you too, baby boy, 'cause as cute as you are… I know you're a dirty boy too."

Bucky dramatically flops back onto his bed before he can collapse where he had been pacing in his bedroom, in front of the huge mirrored walk-in-closet doors. Knees starting to buckle as his head swims with arousal.

Steve hears him move and chuckles darkly through his next few words, "I know as innocent as you look, you like it rough."

Bucky squeaks despite himself.

"You like it rough and want Daddy to call you sweet names and tell you sweet things, but you want Daddy to fuck you like he hates your guts."

God. Bucky whines, clutching his phone harder. It's true. It's really fucking true.

"And I know better than a collar you'd like Daddy's hand on your throat."

Fuck. His eyes squeeze shut tightly.

"So, what do you think? You think my hand around your throat with this new watch on will make you look extra pretty?"

Bucky's breath stutters. Oh.

"'Cause Daddy thinks you'll look even prettier with a Rolex near your throat. All shiny and sparkly over that blush you always get. Turning red 'cause you're hard for Daddy but also red because Daddy decides when you breathe. Isn't that right, baby?"

Bucky cannot speak. This is entirely unexpected and incredibly perfect. A punch to the gut of pure arousal.

"Daddy decides everything--his pretty boy doesn't have to think when Daddy's home."

"Daddy-" Bucky gasps.

Daddy doesn't even acknowledge it. He doesn't give him room to breathe. He just goes for the kill, "but Daddy also bought something just for you, y’know?"

"No?"

"Mmm, well, let Daddy tell you then. Daddy bought his pretty boy something pretty. You wanna guess what pretty thing it is?"

"Uhh, yuh-yeah?"

Steve pauses. He waits. He prompts, "what then, sweets?" when Bucky can't kick his head into thinking.

Bucky sputters, "uh, jewelry?" He takes a shot in the dark, only thinking about the press of an obscene priced watch, cold and hard, to his throat and chest, Daddy's fingers squeezing his neck tight.

"Nah, try again."

"A toy?"

"Nope." He sounds smug.

"Clothes?"

"Mm-hm, it's some kind of clothes, yup."

"Pretty clothes?"

"Duh," he playfully admonishes.

Bucky breathes a little harder. Clothes, clothes, clothes, what kind of clothes could it be? "A suit?"

"Smaller than a suit."

This game is getting him more wound up than he cares to admit. He's all hot and squirmy on his bed. "A shirt?"

"No. Smaller still."

"Um, okay," Bucky licks his lips, "wh-what about… underwear?"

"Try another word for underwear."

Bucky whines. Oh.

Oh, no.

He--he can't. He can't say that out loud! He knows--he thinks he knows what Daddy bought him--but…

"Daddy wants to hear you say it, c’mon, kitten. Say it for me."

Those words sound like pure sin coming off of his lips, so, of course, he can't resist obeying. "P-panties?"

"Not just panties, baby boy. Daddy got some special panties for his boy."

Oh.

Bucky--

Bucky doesn't know what to do with himself. Jesus. He's so hard. From just talking. He's aching from just talking over the phone. Christ.

"Daddy bought you easy-access panties. And if you fuckin' ruin 'em from being too excited and eager for Daddy, then I'll just have to buy more... 'cause I've got plans for your little body in these little panties."

The way he says these little panties lets Bucky know he has them in his hands. He's touching them. Bucky wants Daddy to touch him. He wants--he, he…

Fuck.

The image of Daddy jerking himself off with panties meant for Bucky wrapped around his hard cock knocks Bucky off his fucking rocker. He moans like he's being fisted. He moans like he's not just lying back on his king-sized bad being dirty talked so, so thoroughly.

"Wanna hear the plan Daddy has for you?"

Bucky nods frantically, making a ridiculous uh-huh sound. He already sounds fucked out.

"Daddy is gonna put these easy-access panties on his boy and slide his fingers into that pretty little cunt. One finger at a time, using that strawberry-scented lube you like, sweet boy. 'M gonna finger you, all without your new, lacy, pink, easy access panties coming off because you're desperate for Daddy and desperate for how filthy and pretty you feel in panties, you dirty boy."

Bucky can't breathe.

He hoarsely whines.

He can't process how hot that sounds, so he has no idea how he'll be able to live through it.

"And even if you clench down on Daddy's fingers and cum we're not stopping. Daddy isn't stopping. No. Daddy's not gonna quit touching that pink, pretty cunt until it's split open on Daddy's fist--"

Bucky instantly pictures those huge hands. His thick, long fingers. Bucky's mouth waters.

Shit.

"--'Cause Daddy wants his new watch on his wrist to touch your greedy, twitching, and wet rim."

Bucky doesn't even… he can't even think. He, his--his lips just move, reckless and unbearably needy, "fuck the fucking party Daddy. You. Here. Now. Please, please, please. Need it. Need you. You hav'ta get here! Daddy!"

Steve chuckles evilly, "okay, okay, Daddy's on his way, sweetheart. Just sit tight. Oh, and, baby-?"

"Wha--"

"Don't you dare touch yourself, Daddy wants your pleasure all to himself. Hands off." He orders.

Bucky whines like a kicked puppy. That's not faaair!

Anyway I hope that was worth the read lmao 🤘🏻

[carefulfears]

this tweet (https://x.com/littlefaiths/status/1817775320918847691?s=46&t=L7Z7tpqXDaxqrMiLS0ZuBA) made me think about the different way mulder & scully communicate/express themselves. like i say all the time i love when they speak each other's language, and i mean that in a lot of ways. but how do you think about their communication styles? the way the express feelings & thoughts etc. (and the way they understand each other "despite" their differences)

this is the tweet: "people read the pillow talk scene in plus one in such constant bad faith but it’s truly one of my favorite scenes ever...i think sometimes people want vulnerability/exposure from scully but are completely uncomfortable with the ways that her character textually expresses herself"

and i said that because i think people can fall into a lot of traps with scully, viewing her character in a larger context and obsessing over what every piece of dialogue or blocking Says about the Author and about Society and about Women (which to be clear isn't isolated to this character, this is a widespread way of thinking) which can bypass what is being said about her in a literal sense...trish, you and me talked about this recently, how we wouldn't want our every move and breath to be dissected based on what it means to feminism or what the implications of our decisions are. and as a writer, i wouldn't want my work to be broken into pieces like that either.

and so i find that there is a lot of projection and judgment in reading any particular scene, and not a lot of curiosity. which is a longwinded, overly-problematic, unnecessary way of saying that scully is a loser babes! she is an extremely lame person! you don't have to throw around words like "fertile" and all this fiery rhetoric to discard and disregard every single scene.

to what i was saying last night: people want vulnerability and exposure from scully. they are completely uncomfortable with the way that she expresses that. if she wants to sneak into her baby daddy's bed years after leaving him and mope that maybe he doesn't 🥺 like her anymore, that's her. same woman that showed up with wine and cheese and got ditched for monster hunts. same woman who begged to autopsy a mutant sewer worm to maybe spend 5 minutes with him.

same woman who at 13 stole her mother's cigarettes; not because she wanted to smoke, but because she knew her father would care.

(same woman who, after her father died, believed in a psychic and looked up at her partner to say "i thought that you would be pleased.")

to address your question, i don't think they do speak the same language. i think they speak each other's language, most of the time. sometimes they don't. sometimes they get hurt feelings. sometimes they get ditched (with wine and cheese, or fresh tattoo ink). they're learning, though, and they're learning themselves too. by the time she knows to creep into his hotel room and ask, he knows to say "i'll always be around." she knows to walk out and go buy her own dinner, if he can't focus. he knows to sit still and stay in and let her make weird jello.

that's learned. that's maturity. that's twenty-five years. of picking up, and putting down, which more than anything is what i view scully's way of communication as. she spends her career traversing any length, and her life venturing out just a little.

[transmascpetewentz]

A Rant About Masculinity, Cisnormativity, And Cis Gay Men

I was going to write a longer post about my ex-mutual, but I feel no need to put him specifically on the spot here because the issue is so much larger than just him, and because I really hold no ill will against him that I don't hold against all the TEHMs that reblog from him in complete support of what he says despite him claiming to be a trans ally. I think that there are two main things that contribute to the existence of a blogger like him, those being the intersection of how society feminizes both gay & trans men, and how a lot of cis gay men will perform trans allyship to make themselves feel better while still participating in a deeply transphobic culture and taking no action that targets cisnormativity in the gay community.

This ex-mutual is a person whose opinions, actions, and activism (or lack thereof) exist in a weird position. He often goes between fetishizing trans men to erasing us, to policing how we talk about our history. When I asked him whether he was transphobic, he replied talking about how he wanted to have sex with trans men, but I saw that he also made a post around the same time where he tried to "call out" a gay trans man for "fetishizing trans men" by... replying to several photos of trans men with "they're just some guys."

As you can clearly tell by now, he seems to be far more interested in feeling right and in trying to find problematic subtext in the words and actions of gay trans men than he is actually protecting us and being an ally. This is quite common amongst cis gay men who want to be progressive while not taking a stance against the TEHMism and toxic masculinity that poisons the community. And the reason behind this pattern of behavior is really simple: these men, due to their relative privileges not just for being cis but often for things like being white, thin, and perisex, oftentimes have other friends with those privileges, and if you have a large group of privileged people with relatively few people who do not have those privileges, you will likely develop bigotry. So the simple reason that these types of cis gay men do not want to confront their transphobia is because they are surrounded by others who have fallen further down the transphobia pipeline who may abandon them if they call it out.

While things like cisnormativity and toxic masculinity among cis gay men definitely do them a lot more harm than good, many will still uphold these ideas due to the way that cisnormativity benefits them relative to trans men and their lack of exposure to intersectional queer liberation movements. In my opinion, this phenomenon is what is behind cis gay men's performative allyship. They'll go on and on about how valuable gay trans men are to gay culture, but will be actively hostile to gay culture that first developed among gay trans men. They'll go on long rants about how the "toothpaste flag" is the worst thing to happen to the gay community. They'll distance themselves from gay trans men in any way they can when we're real people and not just words on a screen.

And due to many cis gay men's performative allyship clashing with their personal interest in upholding cisnormativity, they'll try to compensate for that by policing gay trans men. They'll accuse us of being the real transphobes if we step out of line or if we tell them that they're being transphobic for using obvious dogwhistles. They'll call a vague group of gay trans men "women" and call us the real transphobes for "hearing someone say 'women' and thinking 'trans men.'"

This brings me to my next point. Due to a lot of cis gay men (especially mascs/gender conforming, though fem/gnc cis gay men aren't entirely exempt) feeling hostile to the idea of having their masculinity challenged, they may contribute to feminizing other gay men who they perceive not to be as masculine as them for any number of reasons. One of these reasons being transness. Not to vaguepost about my ex-mutual even more, but he literally made a post saying "isn't it annoying when women will comment under a picture of any man saying that he's trans and gay?" This guy literally calls himself a trans ally.

I don't think that headcanoning someone as gay and trans is particularly female behavior, [redacted]. but again, this isn't a callout post of my ex-mutual. This is merely an example of something I've seen quite a lot of. This is exactly the reason behind my statement "the transandrophobe/femphobe/misogynist venn diagram of cis gay men is a circle." Because it truly is a circle. Toxic masculinity and misogyny lead to wanting to separate oneself from women, which causes one to see trans men as potential women necessary to separate oneself from. And, many times, this will lead to a hatred of feminine men, as the misogynistic gay man will see feminine men as being like women.

I don't know if I'm onto something about there being something to do with severe, collective trauma in the gay community causing a sort of "crisis of masculinity" within the community. But as I keep thinking about this, I think I am realizing that there is a lot more to this issue than at first meets the eye. Something to think about.

[thatone-artsykid]

INTRODUCTION POST (i guess)

Ummmm... Since I have almost 300 followers, then ig, i should make some welcome post or smth, so, HIIIIIIII, HAIIIIIIIII EVERYONEEEE!!!

(I'll TRY to keep this updated, no promises tho)

I'm Kamil, you can either call me by my name, or Kamik, or any other way you want (except slurs ofc, unless we're close friends lmao). I am a minor, trans/enby artist, who went to artschool BUT most of the art has learned by themselves:333

Art

The comms are open!! (Feel free to ask about em if you have any doubts)

Askbox is also open, if you have any doodle ideas or smth, feel free to share (I don't promise I'll do em, sowwy😭)

I mostly do digital art (I use Krita for everything), occasionally i do some scribbles in my sketchbooks, doodles in class, or generally school assignments (which i hate, but let's move on). I am a multifandom artist, who draws whatever they are hyperfixating on (rn im again stuck in re8 brainrot).

Here's the list of fandoms im (mostly) in:

Resident Evil series (mainly Resident Evil Village)

Just Shapes and Beats

Hollow Knight

Detroit: Become Human

Jojo's Bizarre Adventure (mostly Stardust Crusaders)

Original characters

I'm trying to finally bring my original characters to life, and give 'em a proper lore (which isn't going well, for now, lmao). Here's the list of em!

Claire/Clara Heisenberg (re8, Karl Heisenberg is her uncle, who became like a father to her)

Carl/Clara Heisenberg (same as Claire, but in D:BH universe)

Kazakura Marcatney (jjba part3, i'm shipping her with Kakyoin Noriaki)

Surya (Kazakura's stand)

Asuril and Lumi (Hollow Knight oc vessels)

Blixer Fresh (my version of that circle coward from jsab)

Lessyr (golden eyelash pit viper oc I made based off a song Snakes from Solence)

Spooder (a jumping spider oc I made when I was bored)

Bumblee (oc based off my ikea bumblebee plushie)

Other socials i post on (including my redbubble shop)

ThatOne._.ArtsyKid

That1-ArtsyKid

Now, let's settle out, 🚫DNI 🚫 if you either are a:

transphobe/homophobe/anyother lgbtq+phobe, a terf, JK Rowling Supporter, pro-shipper, racist, NSFW/18+, p0rn bot, sexist, or any other problematic folk (if you have an blank blog with an emtpy bio, then im also gonna block you)

More things about me :333

I come from Poland (therefore my english might not be the best)

My b-days are on 29th April

I have 4 budgies (named Lemon, Lemonade, Lime and Larry) and one rabbit (named Robin)

Im not the best with human interactions, sowwy

I easily get overwhelmed, and tend to disappear for few hours/days if I do, bear with me

Not looking to become friends with anyone, but if our vibe match, then hell yeah

I'm taken by the sweetiest pookie ever existed on this earth (my bf)

I have a tons of plushies occupying my bed

I've lived most of my life having high anxiety levels, so now im tryna take everything slowly (please be patient with me)

My fav music genres are metal, alternative metal, rock, rap-rock or anything that sounds good for me

I mostly listen to System Of A Down, Solence, My Chemical Romance, Grandson, Linkin Park and Cavetown (ofc)

I want to have many face piercings and tattoos in the future (I wish to have a septum, snake bites, a helix piercing and brow piercings so bad)

i'm a really really big bug nerd, if you have any cool bug pics, SEND EM OVER!!(im not joking)

my fav drinks are green tea and mojito (alcohol-free cuz i despise alcohol)

My comfort characters are:

Karl Heisenberg from re8 (I see him as a father figure)

Connor from dbh (the tism android)

Kakyoin from jjba part 3 (he's such a nerd, istg we'd go along together)

Lucas Baker from re7 (im not joking, i love this psycho-nerd)

Luis Serra Navarro from re4 (he so diva)

Angel Dust from hazbin hotel (i love him by his feminity and sassines)

Quirrel from Hollow Knight (another father figure, yes, I see a pillbug as a father figure, don't judge me)

[bohemian-nights]

Let’s talk about the changed between white book laena to black show laena

Book leana had a pretty awesome life. She married at the age of 22 to a man she loved, traveled the world with him, had 2 babies and they lived happily on driftmark with her family together until she passed away at childbirth despite her loving husband doing everything he can to save her. + her husband remarried 6 months after her death.

Now let’s talk about show leana

She married daemon much younger than book laena, was neglected and unloved by him, was forced to live away from her beloved family and burned herself to death because “feminism” 🤡 only to have her husband sleep with another woman on her fucking funeral. And the showrunners claim they wanted to respect her character?????? Disgusting.

In the book laena is the only wife that daemon seemed to truly love. (Until nettles). He never cheated and they had a happy marriage. But when she’s black suddenly she’s the second choice to the white female lead. What a fucking joke. And then they absolutely spit on her by having her husband sleep with said white female main character on her funeral. This show treats its black characters like shit. I really don’t understand why people aren’t talking about this.

This shows deranged fandom tells you everything you need to know about the problematic way they treat black characters. We haven’t even got nettles’s casting yet. The most important dragon seed. Literally who gives a shit about the others? But I wonder why we have their castings but not the casting of the only canonically black character in the dance???? If nettles is not in season 2 I’m going to drop this show. If they’ll introduce the dragonseeds without nettles they are fucking disgusting.

All of this is why I criticize this shitty show and equally shitty fandom👏🏽

People try to act like you’re the crazy one for noticing how these changes affect the treatment of the characters, but nope fandom racism, more specifically fandom misogynoir, is real and it’s happening with HOTD.

Book!Laena was treated with love and respect, but the moment she became Black-ish she became worthless to both the showrunners and the fandom. All she's good for is to be a prop/placeholder. Hell, when she died people seemed more concerned about Vhagar, a dragon, rather than the woman who lit herself on fucking fire.

They made Laena into a stereotype just to make a crazed white woman’s death look better than it was and this demented ass fandom cheers it on.

Because she’s Black and not a cookie-cutter stereotype in the source material, Nettles' whole existence is a problem to these people and she must be cut, erased, reduced, etc.

They try to say she’s completely irrelevant. That the only reason people like her is because she's Black or out of spite, but I can think of a dozen white characters who don’t even come close to reaching her relevancy to the plot

This is why she’s always included where some characters like Ulf, Hugh, Sara Snow, Alys Rivers, Gwayne Hightower, and Silver Denys are omitted, and 5/6 of those characters are confirmed for s2. And I'm not trying to say none of these characters shouldn't be included(well we could do without 2 of them), but they aren't more important than her.

Nettles literally has all the qualities people usually like in characters(the ordinary girl who despite all odds does the unthinkable, she’s a survivor, she’s a final girl, she has one of if not the most powerful men in the realm willing to die for her, and she becomes a goddess like figure) yet she’s hated for it because she dares to be Black. They won't even try to relate to her or see her importance because she is Black.

They’d rather prop up psychos or mediocre flops just because they are white rather than ever admit that Nettles is an interesting and integral character to the Dance. She’s awesome. The man who created these freaking books that you claim to love and swear his word is law thinks she’s awesome and yet you want to deny that she’s awesome and has no real value because you’re scared shitless she’ll upstage your psycho(book!Missy Anne)/boring(show!Missy Anne) fave.

It’s nuts and like you, I won’t be watching s2 if Netty’s not there. They found time for a maid who shouldn't even be there, propped up Addam to the Gods, and gave Hugh an unnecessary sex scene, all while cutting Nettles out. Nope. I’ll skip straight to s3 cause I’m not dealing with this show's BS and blatant disrespect. It’s unacceptable!

[alaynestone]

You don’t have to post this if you don’t want. I just wanted to say I was one of those curious, openminded fans willing to entertain the idea of samjohn (mostly bc deanjohn feels so congruent with canon + there’s so much interesting meta on it that managed to convert me + incestuous households usually affect all of it’s members) but just like you said I was immediately put off by the blatant character assassination that pervades everything from fics to edits to the propaganda in that incest poll lmao.

I guess that’s the major difference - deanjohn requires little to no stretching of imagination bc it already fits seamlessly into canon, whereas samjohn almost demands ooc shenanigans to work.

I also just found the way fans talk about it nauseating for some reason, though that’s likely more of a reflection of my own personal triggers. I love digesting incest narratives, but the fetishistic angle of that blog really makes my stomach turn. That’s not a moral judgement on anyone else’s enjoyment btw! Just another reason why this ship didn’t resonate with me.

thank you for sending me this. it's clear that a lot of people feel the same way.

when i first joined fandom, the few j/s fics were straightforward evil!john non-con. not my thing, but i understood why it was written that way. then came the inexplicably popular fandom creation of "sexkitten sam" which continues to pollute the entire sam/dean fandom and of course extends to other ships too. i'm not even gonna get started on why that's "problematic" because that's not the point, it's not remotely in character. even as an exaggeration sam is not the kind of person to attempt to find agency in outward submission or objectification. he's very vocally not compromising his identity to please his family and especially john. dean is more like that so when you have sam acting like a fetishized pinterest aesthetic moodboard version of dean and dean acting like an old man from wattpad i'm understandably left squinting at the screen. then it's genderswapping sam and using that as a personality eraser because women are automatically submissive and naive and trad?

who is being converted by all this when it has nothing to do with sam, john or even dean? where is dean in all this actually? a core aspect of their family is that dean is closest to both sam and john who rarely had much opportunity to bond without him. there was a distance between sam and john throughout sam's childhood and adolescence. most of his parental needs were being fulfilled by dean even if that was never enough. their situation with their father wasn't the average one where they were simply 2 kids fighting for his attention.

for the most part j/s appears to be about "envying" dean's position in the family. it's about diminishing or straight up erasing dean and more notably about feminizing sam. either directly or otherwise. people generally seem to have big issues with the fact that sam is a man and confidently so. most of the annoying tropes in wincest fandom have this at their core. and of course in order for sam to be "the woman" dean needs to genuinely and authentically be the most stereotypical of cishet men. it's very transparent because right from the start the show poked holes at dean's performance of masculinity. it was very much the point. dean's gender issues could fill a book yet any alternative interpretation of sam and gender seeks to cast dean as the oppressive bigot who would never get it? stopping here before i get off topic but to make myself clear: in theory i respect headcanons i don't understand, but not when they spitefully exist to deny dean's depth in every possible way.

to return to my point about dean's pseudo spouse and mother position being enviable, it misses the point of how harmful john's parenting was to both of them. it's no coincidence that they both view themselves as the unfavorite. dean believes he's taken for granted, only valued for what he can give, how well he can perform his roles, how successfully he could play at being an adult even before he hit double digits. dean can't just exist and be himself while sam is uncompromisingly himself. because of that he believes john doesn't like him, never liked him, rejected him, didn't have time for him, didn't trust him enough with the family secrets, even when those secrets directly concerned him. as of season 1 he still has contempt for dean for what he views as unquestioning obedience to john and letting himself be molded by john. dean had to fight for every scrap of approval and affection and sam refused to do the same if it meant sacrificing his own needs and identity. not everyone reacts to abuse the same way and both characters are very much shaped by their different reactions to their environment. and any j/s shipper argument that is built on the idea that sam was the one john loved more is not only gleefully mocking dean's parentification but ignoring that sam being comparatively sheltered and treated like a son is yet another reason why john would not cross such a line with him. dean "gets it", dean lost mary too, dean is his partner and his confidant, dean can handle adult responsibilities, dean is loving and supportive, dean isn't making him confront his parenting failures, dean can't say no to him. like you said, it doesn't at all stretch the imagination to make j/d fit into dean's backstory. "you are not a child" - "i never was".

as i have been saying, any remotely ic exploration of j/s would have to follow both j/d and s/d. i can't believe in a universe where j/s is the only incest that happens in the family. i think a theoretical plausible j/s fic would have to not only accept but embrace its adjacency to the 2 ships that are compliant with the canon. but whether sam knows for a fact about j/d or not, there's no way he isn't severely impacted by the proximity to that relationship in a number of ways and that's a very compelling dynamic in its own right.

tldr i agree with you anon. people can read and write whatever they want but there's a big difference between incest subtext that is believable and just saying things in a way that's meant to provoke.

[urdreamgirls-dreamgirl]

i saw that review on letterboxd of all the rhetorical questions for barbie and like… the more i think abt it, the more i’m certain that the review’s author fundamentally misunderstood the film. barbie land is not a utopia in the way that adults would think abt a utopia, like the author seems to imply… barbie land is canonically shaped by little girls playing with their dolls. that’s why we see a supreme court. thats why there are nobel prizes and authors and lawyers (also because that’s how the toys are marketed… would there be a mermaid in ur utopia??? there would be in mine!). that’s why barbie and ken don’t necessarily know what a boyfriend and girlfriend are “meant” to do (not to mention that the author’s assumption that sex is fundamental to a romantic relationship is problematic at best). that’s why barbie is indifferent to ken (i personally had the life size barbie and my sister had the barbie dream house—we had the working woman barbie game, i had the genie barbie gameboy game, we had countless barbie dolls; we didn’t own a single ken doll lol). barbie land is a world created by and for little girls as they play with their dolls (she says in a comment on the original post “don’t little girls play with their dolls in a sexual way?” and yeah, sure, some do. but i didn’t and i’m sure there are others who didn’t… just like there are some girls who completely mutilated their own dolls and made them into horrifying creatures)… that’s why stereotypical barbie starts having an existential crisis—because a grown woman begins to play with her doll again and starts reshaping barbie land… we, as the audience, are meant to understand this as an outlier to how barbie land is canonically created. the author also calls ken “crass” and “slovenly”… maybe after he builds the patriarchy in barbie land he becomes “crass” but i wouldn’t call him slovenly at any point in the film (i suppose this is just semantics tho).

also, please stop saying that barbie land is a reversal of the real world. it isn’t, even if that may have been the filmmakers intentions. again, barbie is indifferent to ken. she does not abuse him, she does not treat him like he exists to service her by cooking or cleaning or providing other favors for her… barbie does not oppress ken in the way that men oppress women in the real world (we have no idea if he owns property or where he lives and she doesn’t seem to particularly care—extremely different from the fact that women couldn’t have their own bank accounts or credit cards, get a mortgage on their own or divorce their husbands through no fault divorce until the second half of the 20th century in the us… within a lot of our mothers and grandmothers lifetimes!!!!) and it is a complete disservice to conflate or equate the two. we actually see barbie drawing clear boundaries around her time and space in regards to ken—this is not a reversal of misogyny as women and girls experience it in the real world, by any stretch of the imagination.

is the film perfect or revolutionary or radical? of course not. it was produced by major studios and corporations in hollywood. of course the barbie movie is a fucking commercial for barbie, like… to expect anything different is just extremely dumb on your part if u saw the trailer, saw the marketing, saw the interviews, bought a ticket, and sat ur ass in the theater, like be fuckin serious. but don’t do women and girls a disservice by discrediting the world and thoughts and ideas it could open up for them by seeing themselves be taken seriously on screen in a major summer blockbuster with stupid fucking questions because u want to feel superior to everyone else because YOU and ONLY YOU see through the capitalist marketing of lipstick pop girlboss feminism (especially when juxtaposed with the way the female characters are treated in oppenheimer, which we cannot help but compare to the barbie film with the viral marketing of barbenheimer).

[twopoppies]

omg you're the HUYS writter?? Maaaan I love that one, been trying to find another one like it because yours left me wanting sooo much more. Do you have a fic rec post with similar works? You left me like an addict waiting for the next hit 😩😩

Hi! Yes, it's me. Thank you!!! And jeez. I wish I could direct you to a bunch, but the reason I wrote it is because so few people write that kind of smut anymore. Hmmm. Maybe I can give you a rec for the general vibe? Please know that many of these are old and some people will surely find them "problematic" these days. But they've got a similar kinky/inappropriate feeling to them IMO. Hopefully you won't know these yet:

Starting with the fic you mentioned (so glad you liked it!)

Hike Up Your Skirt (And Show Your World To Me) by Brooklyn_Babylon / @twopoppies (E, 18K) This one is mine, but I’m proud of it and I hope you like it. Make sure you read the tags on this one because it’s not your conventional fic and Louis is definitely super manipulative. But if you like the idea of secretary Harry in lingerie, CEO Louis, copious amounts of dirty talk, some power imbalance, and exhibitionism… this could be for you.

it's all for you, everything i do by @moonshinelouis (E, 2K) This short little fic is made up of one of my favorite tropes: Louis feigning disinterest while Harry begs for his attention. I really enjoy the way this author is able make their fics feel more than “just” a PWP.

pep talk turned into a pep rally by sarcasticfluentry (E, 20K) is an OT5 orgy x 2 with one being Louis-centric and one being Zayn-centric. It was written in 2014, so it’s a tiny bit dated as far as characterizations are concerned, but this author always writes well and their smut is always really hot.

I’d Do Niall by alongthewatchtower (E, 8K) I know this fic isn’t for everyone and I also know it’s pure filth. But I love everything about it. Dirty talk, Harry in panties, overwhelmed Harry, Niall trying it and not knocking it, Dom Louis vibes…all the good stuff. LOL!

You'll Breathe Me In (You Won't Release) by LoadedGunn (E, 95K) Also known as The Driving Instructor fic. This has some of the best pacing I’ve read in a fic, some really well written BDSM smut, and characters I just really enjoy. I know it’s not for everyone. Read the tags.

Are You Gonna Be My Girl? by LoadedGunn (E, 8K) Oh man….I love this one. Harry in lingerie, role play, feminization, dirty talk. It’s got it all. It’s even a Christmas fic!

You Are The Blood by sarcasticfluentry (E, 176K) If you’re a Harry Potter fan, you’ve probably read this one. But if you haven’t, what are you waiting for? I don’t even like HP and I LOVED this fic. It’s a thrilling story and it’s full of ridiculously hot smut.

like how your hands feel me up and down by ballsdeepinjesus (E, 8K) First of all, this starts with Harry in a Snow White costume which, frankly, is all you need to grab my attention. Second of all, it’s super sexy and well paced and Harry’s in makeup and lingerie and….whew. You need to read it.

down on your knees, you don't look so tall by writtensoul (E, 3K) Harry is kind of a dick in this one, but it was written in 2013 at the height of the Frat Boy Harry narrative, so keep that in mind. It's otherwise really hot.

got my eyes on you by eleadore (E, 3K) Similar set up to the one above, but Harry isn't a dick. LOL!

Go With It by embro (E, 4K) i mean, how can you go wrong with: "You thought I was someone else and started making out with me in a club and you're really hot so I just kinda went with it and now we're heading back to your place and I don't know how to break it to you"

babydoll blues by devilinmybrain / @thedevilinmybrain (E, 112K) At last, the full-fledged, dirty, sugar baby fic we needed. Harry's character is so layered and so beautifully drawn, I just fell in love with him. Louis is sexy and powerful and also tender and sweet, just how I imagine the actual Louis to be. This author wrote one of my favorite fics of 2021, so I was really excited to dive into this one. They really know how to set a scene and draw you in to their characters. Scorching smut scenes, excellent use of side characters, and some angst that fully made me cry. Definitely worth a read!

precious little thing by mercutionotromeo / @hazlouquitefinished (E, 21K) I’ve read this one so many times…it’s got it all. This time the phone sex operator is Louis, and subby Harry is just beginning to realize his daddy kink.

redder than the devil by mercutionotromeo / @hazlouquitefinished (E, 5K) This short fic has so many kinks and so much smut that I probably could add it to 10 different rec lists. I love this author and hope they keep gifting us with their writing.

let’s talk about making love by istajmaal (E, 25K) Oh, phone sex operator fics, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

———

I must have more. But this is all I can think of off the top of my head.

[horse-girl-anthy]

when I wrote my piece on Ikuhara and eroticism, I emphasized the libertine aspects of his thinking. however, as much as he jokes around and says ~problematic~ things, Ikuhara isn't a thoughtless person. he has openly questioned his place as a male director telling stories about the oppression of girls. when asked about his interest in lesbians/homosexuality more broadly, he gave a very interesting answer. since RGU, he has built creative teams with unusually high numbers of women for the anime world.

I don't make this post to try to defend Ikuhara, I'm just elaborating on my last post to make a point about how easy it is to frame someone one way or another. for instance, even in the interview above where he discusses himself as a male director, he isn't necessarily saying the most comforting things:

– At some point Anthy says “Girls are all like Rose Brides”. I thought this was a pretty pivotal statement. Ikuhara: I can’t really comment, since I’m not a female. Even though me and the staff are just writing these lines, it gets called preaching.  It might be nice if the viewers didn’t take it as preaching, but again since the one writing it is a male, what I say doesn’t matter (laugh).

he's a bit defensive here, or maybe he's just joking. he sounds a lot more confident in his interview with Mari Kotani, his contemporary; it's possible that he's so self-conscious in the above discussion since he's talking with shoujo legend Takemiya Keiko. but it's interesting to see him responding to criticism he received from female viewers. the pushback might just be in his head though--the interview goes on:

Takemiya: Isn’t that just you holding back? Ikuhara: It just seems kind of fake, even if I were to slap a girl and tell her “Open your eyes! There is no such thing as a prince!”. After all I wasn’t intending to preach to girls. Takemiya: Girls are actually very strong regarding such things. I don’t think they’d have a problem being told that.

this does read as Ikuhara being self-effacing in the presence of an older creative. as Takemiya gives him the go-ahead to say what he really thinks, he starts making statements like this:

Ikuhara: If I say it it’ll probably sound gross, but I think women see in the city and in society, a kind of paternal or princely illusion, though it might be an illusion that they only wish to exist.

my point here is, I could pick and choose whatever part of this interview I wanted to make Ikuhara look bad or good. summarizing the interview with "Ikuhara expresses concerns over his place as a male director" is technically accurate, but doesn't convey the flavor of his comments. I personally do see Ikuhara as a feminist. his gender politics are interesting and subversive, and his stories have so much humanity to them. despite his jokes about wanting a harem, he has demonstrated throughout his career that he likes to surround himself with women professionally. not many men seek out the intellectual company of women that way. but the type of feminism Ikuhara and his colleagues discuss has different priorities than what we might expect, and he is as skeptical towards women as he is towards men.