#I wanna run away so badly dawg

[thatonekidxdd]

Wouldn’t it be so funny if I bought a load of cottage core clothes, embroidered a pair of broken red converse and packed my bag full of rosemary, basil, olives and other little seasonings and food and covered my face with a badger mask and jumped on a train and ditched town and ran away and I would sit in thunderstorms and run around in a creek and pray and wouldn’t it be so funny if I made myself feel like a person

[rainydawgradioblog]

Rainy Dawg Radio's Favorite Lyrics Ever

These are, to our best knowledge, our favorite lyrics ever.

Parks

“Stuck Inside of Mobile With the Memphis Blues Again” - Bob Dylan - Blonde on Blonde

“Grandpa died last week and now he’s buried in the rocks. But everybody still talks about how badly they were shocked. But me, I expected it to happen, I knew he’d lost control. When I built a speed fire on Main Street and shot it full of holes.”

Bob Dylan.

“Ballad of the Last Five Years”- The Guess Who - Road Food

“So step right up and put your music where your mouth is.” 

Just an all around amazing line. Also The Guess Who is definitely one of the top bands out of Canada. And I do not take constructive criticism. 

“Up the Junction” - Squeeze - Cool for Cats 

“I never thought it would happen between me and the girl from Clapham.” 

The opening line of “Up the Junction” sets up one of my top ten favorite narrative songs of all time. Also see “A Quick One While He’s Away” by The Who, which is another one of the best narrative pieces, but the lyrics don’t stick to the inside of your brain quite like Squeeze. 

“Everyday I Write the Book” - Elvis Costello -Punch the Clock

“Even in a perfect world where everyone was equal, I’d still own the film rights and be working on the sequel.” 

There’s so many Costello lyrics I could have put here, but “Everyday I Write the Book” is cute, clever and one of the few not-depressing songs he’s written.

“What’s the Ugliest Part of Your Body” - The Mothers of Invention - We’re Only in it For the Money

“What’s the ugliest part of your body? Some say your nose. Some say your toes. But I think it’s your mind.”

What’s a song written by Zappa without some cynicism? Here he’s criticizing societal and generational ignorance, as per usual. In short, some people are real stupid. 

“Andy’s Chest” - The Velvet Underground - VU

“And just like in a movie, her hands became her feet. Her belly button became her mouth which meant she tasted what she’d speak.”

Thank you Lou Reed, you have outdone yourself. 

DJ eyelyds

In no particular order…and also as of right now because everything I like is tinged by extreme recency bias.

“Web in Front” Archers of Loaf Icky Mettle

“Stuck a pin in your backbone/ Spoke it down from there/ All I ever wanted was to be your spine”

As the opening lyrics of this two-minute song cut into the mix before any of the instrumentals get a chance, the catchy tone of lead singer/guitarist Eric Bachmann’s songwriting is apparent. His performance on both guitar and vocals has this nervous, sporadic energy that feels like it’s just barely being reigned in lends itself nicely to the subject matter of the song. For me, I read it as an obsessive almost neurotic love song. Bachmann wants so desperately to support this person that he would be happy physically being a part of them; to be their spine. More than happy actually, it’s all he ever wanted 

“Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales (Live at O2 Forum Kentish Town, London, England) Car Seat Headrest Commit Yourself Completely”

“And if you can’t find your friends, you can leave without them/ And if you run out of drugs, you can sleep without them/ And if you want to go home, you can call a taxi/ And if you don’t wanna talk, you can sit in the backseat/ Please! Please”

In this live rendition of “Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales” off the 2019 live album Commit Yourself Completely Will Toledo adds this outro/verse. It connects to the themes throughout the song of well… not driving drunk. But it has a more bittersweet tone than a PSA ever could, especially in the context of the entire album of Teens of Denial, especially considering the song “Drugs With Friends.” Toledo is great at painting drug use as almost a marker of innocence and notes the isolation that can come from overuse. The opening line of the added outro, “And if you can’t find your friends, you can leave without” has a sort of tongue-in-cheek tone, in the sense that it is genuine advice to get home safe, but also is a somewhat childish way of exiting the situation. Toledo knows that he’s not a saint, nor an authority. He’s just made the same mistakes and is trying to make sure you don’t do the same. Please don’t do the same. 

“Anthems For A Seventeen Year-Old Girl” Broken Social Scene You Forgot It In People

“Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me”

Sung by Metric’s Emily Haines, this whole song makes heavy use of repetition, with every lyric being said at least four times. This line is repeated the most and is also my personal favorite of the song. You can read it in so many different ways. Initially, I read it as being said to a lover, and hoping that they are constantly thinking about her. But the more interesting reading (and probably the more accurate one when considering the title) is a message to herself when she was seventeen. With this lyric specifically, a message to think about her future in a positive light, and not worry too much about her current anxieties: slow down, stop driving, take a rest, and think about your future. Not of all of the anxieties of being older, but rather the assurance that things will ultimately work out. The repetition of the line, as well as the amount of sincerity in her tone of voice help to sell this line, and the themes of the song in general. 

soph

“As the World Falls Down” - David Bowie - Labyrinth

“I’ll paint you mornings of gold/I’ll paint you Valentine evenings/Though we’re strangers ‘til now/We’re choosing the path/Between the stars/I’ll leave my love/Between the stars”

Dorky love song for the dorkiest movie. It’s so cheesy but I will say the lyrics make me emo. I want someone to love me the way Jareth loves Sarah. :(

“Army of Ancients” - Dr. Dog - Fate 

“I don’t wanna wake up/I don’t wanna move/I’ll skip the sermon and stick to the booze/I’m sorry/But I’ll take what I want in the dawn’s early light”

I think the build up to “I’m sorry” is what really gets me with these lyrics. You gotta listen to understand how he screams it. He’s truly sorry. 

“Sports” - Viagra Boys - Street Worms

“Baseball/Basketball/Wiener dog/Short shorts, cigarette/Surfboard, ping pong/Rugby ball, wiener dog/Skiing down on the beach/Sports”

Epitome of America in this one. This reminds me of the horrors of high and middle school gym class.

Ben

These are the lyrics that make me laugh the most. Attempting to narrow down the lyrics that are most meaningful to me was making my head hurt. 

"Harlem shake? Nah, I'm in Harlem shaking the weight

Shaking to bake, shaking the Jakes

Kill you, shoot the funeral up and Harlem Shake at your wake"

-Cam’ron, “Down and Out”

If the lyrics from this video counted, I would have included “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall/Splattered his skull/I witnessed it/That was my dawg,” but I will settle for the original. Every word spoken by Cam'ron on Purple Haze is tattoed to my subconcious.

"See me on the court if you wanna diss me

Let's play a game of 21, it's really fun

I got half court shots and I'll post you up

I'm Latrell Sprewell, I'll choke the coach"

-Lil B - “Fuck KD”

I do not endorse any acts of violence perpetrated towards former NBA coach P.J. Carlesimo. 

"Put a pill in a McFlurry, I'm goofy

Shoot me, acting for the cameras, it's a movie

I can see you're gloomy, 'cause I'm too t'd

I'm a dog on the roof like Snoopy"

-Bladee - “I’m Goofy”

This one both makes me laugh and is very meaningful to me.

DJ Penny Lane

“Brokedown Palace” - Grateful Dead - American Beauty 

“Momma Momma many worlds I’ve come since I first left home”

This is one of my favorite lyrics of all time! It really puts life into perspective on how far you can go in life with “many worlds I’ve come”, yet you’ll always have those memories from your childhood growing up at home. The lyric itself is sung in a pleading way, making many listeners emotional because it's like “Look mom! Look how far I’ve come and how many worlds I’ve traveled!” So yeah baller lyric it even makes John Mayer cry when he performs it. 

“Going to California” - Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin IV

“Made up my mind to make a new start/Going to California with an aching in my heart”

This one hits close to home, being from California I always find myself listening to this song. It’s such a thrilling feeling to get the motivation to start something new and change your whole life. Especially when that new place feels so natural like you are meant to go there or like in the song “with and aching in my heart.” 

 “August” - Flipturn - Citrona

“But now you’re a stranger, And I’m still July, But don’t you remember, August, honey you were mine”

Current favorite song of the moment, highly recommend listening to this song in a car. The song is supposed to reflect on how in life we come across people that can be the closest people to us and know us better than anyone, then at another they become complete strangers. Flipturn wrote the song because one of the members was only having luck finding love in the month of August, then after that month everything would fall apart. I love when they say “I’m still July” because it means the person is still stuck in the month before August, making their lover a stranger. 

tide2004

“This Floating World” – I Hate Sex – This Floating World

“In my fall I would feel so light, so warm / I would have no regrets, no fear and above all things / I would be alone, floating along”

“Alison” – Slowdive – Souvlaki

“Alison, I'll drink your wine / And wear your clothes when we're both high / ‘Alison’, I said, ‘We're sinking’ / But she laughs and tells me it's just fine”

“Vendetta” – Irate (NYC) – New York Metal

“This ain't mall metal made for little bitches”

kmurph!!!!

unfortunately, i would have actually dropped dead if i tried to narrow this down to three. so, five it is. some of these are serious and some are not, and i love them all equally.

“bonfire”-childish gambino-camp

“made the beat then murdered it, casey anthony”

i laugh every single time i hear this lyric, which has got to be hundreds if not thousands of times at this point. idk if i should be laughing at it, honestly. but it has the exact desired impact. 

“no flex”-tiny meat gang-locals only

“i pull up in a foreign whip-you hear my honda civic/i pulled another foreign bitch-i think she might be british (i got a text!)”

to those whom this lyric is significant, it has layers upon layers. TMG cooked so hard on their joke music that they realized they were accidentally making unironically good music. 

“john my beloved”-sufjan stevens-carrie and lowell

“so can we be friends, sweetly/before the mystery ends?/i love you more than the world can contain/in its lonely and ramshackle head”

you could sub this out with any collection of words sufjan stevens has ever written and i would stand by it. 

“turn me down”-julia jacklin-crushing

“don’t look at me, look at the centre line/maybe i’ll see you in a supermarket sometime”

this was the best and also most utterly soul-crushing and devastating and life-ruining way to end this song. i love it.

“fear city”-surf curse-magic hour“i might just cum at the sound of the dying child in me/(wait, what did he say?)/i said my hair's just way too short to make a living/ (that's definitely not what he said)”

i just adore the complete absurdity of this. i don’t know why it was written but i’m so glad it was. brightens my day a little bit every time i hear this little exchange. also lowkey poetic.

EMI

“I fell right into the arms of Venus De Milo” - “Venus” by Television

“Not a lot of room to grow

Inside this leather terrarium” - “Type Slowly” by Pavement

“These hoes chase bread, aw damn she got a bird brain” - “I Don’t Fuck With You” by Big Sean

“You’re a star-belly sneetch, you suck like a leech you want everyone to act like you” - “Holiday In Cambodia” by Dead Kennedys

“Waldo Jeffers had reached his limit” - “The Gift” by The Velvet Underground

“Centered ‘round long time ago 

On your ability to torment 

Then you took your tongs of love 

And stripped away my garment” - “Gut Feeling/(Slap Your Mammy)” by DEVO

“I’ve been screwing on the tracks of abandoned train stations” - “Art Star” by Yeah Yeah Yeahs

“Tap all over this big world 

Take my hand you ugly girl” - “Mutilated Lips” by Ween

Caught your hand inside the till 

Slammed your fingers in the drawer

Fought with kitchen knives and skewers

Dressed me up in women’s clothes 

Messed around with gender roles

Line my eyes and call me pretty” - “Laid” by James

“I swung my fiery sword 

I vent my spleen at the lord

He is abstract and bored

Too much milk and honey” - “Transport is Arranged” by Pavement

“We were fucking corndogs” - “History Lesson Part 2” by Minutemen

“Some people like to go out dancing 

And other people, they have to work

And there’s even some evil mothers

Well they’re gonna tell you that everything is just dirt

You know that women never really faint

And that villains always blink their eyes

You know children are the only ones who blush

And that life is just to die” - “Sweet Jane” by The Velvet Underground

“Everywhere eyes

Nowhere to die

No place to shove your sharpened heel” - “Father to a Sister of a Thought” by Pavement

“ALL I WANTED WAS A PEPSI

AND SHE WOULDN'T GIVE IT TO ME

JUST A PEPSI” - “Institutionalized” by Suicidal Tendancies

“Rosemary

Heaven restores you in life

You’re coming with me 

Through the aging the fearing the strife

It's the smiling on the package its the faces in the sand

It’s the thought that moves you upwards 

Embracing me with two hands” - “Evil” by Interpol

“And he gave you a german shepard to watch 

With a collar of leather of nails

And he never once made you explain or talk 

About all of the little details” - “Master Song” by Leonard Cohen

“Stallion / walking on my back / I raised it from birth / never holding black (yeah!) - “Stallion” by The Garden

“If you want me to 

I will be the one

That is always good

And you’ll love me too

But you’ll never know

What I feel inside

That I’m really bad

Little Trouble Girl” - “Little Trouble Girl” by Sonic Youth 

“I like all the different people

I like sticky everywhere

Look around

You bet I’ll be there

Hot metal in the sun, pony in the air

Sooey and saints at the fair”  - “Saints” by The Breeders

“New Year’s Eve was boring as heaven / I watched flies fuck on channel 11” - “Private Eye” by Alkaline Trio

Sofia!!

“And when everyone winds me up I just can't wind down/ and the April rain soaks my jokes to a pulp/ the sun makes my eyes burn/ and it must be my turn/ to fly with the birds this time”

“The Birds” – Swervedriver, Ejector Seat Reservation

I LOVE THIS ENTIRE SONG AND ALL ITS LYRICS!!!!!!

“We dreamt of all of your lives as we carry home dust of the cloudless summer skies/ And the salt that we give is of us and all we ever had waste in the same place in the end

“The Same Place” – Centaur, In Streams

Apparently the lyrics to the songs on this album are about the singer’s kid that died while the album was being written, which is definitely why this song and all the rest are so sad they’re almost unlistenable. All of the lyrics to this song are so emotional and they complement its heavy sound so well. 

“Watching the parade with pinpoint eyes full of smoldering anger/ you can do whatever you want to, whenever you want to”

“Ballad of Big Nothing” – Elliott Smith, Either/Or

Honestly picking a favorite Elliott Smith lyric is kind of an impossible task, but this one always sticks out to me. This song is about being tired of your life and addicted to drugs – the repetition of the line about doing whatever you want to and the bitterness with which he says it is so impactful. 

“When the loving comes and we’re already gone/ Just like your dad, you’ll never change”

“Sulk” – Radiohead, The Bends

Lol

“I’ll make a bitch stand outside forever like the Statue of Liberty”

“I Don’t Fuck with You” – Big Sean (E-40’s verse),  Dark Sky Paradise

I mean… come on…

Zola Thomas 

“Dont trust me” - 3!OH3, Want 

 “tell your boyfriend if he says he got beef, that im a vegetarian and I aint fucking scared of him” 

3!OH3 might not be remembered as musical geniuses of their time (or remembered at all), but this might be one of the best lyrics of 2008. Using beef in its literal, and figurative sense helped create one of the most creative lyrics to come out of late 2000s electropop. While most of their other songs have faded away into obscurity, Don't trust me has managed to cling onto a resemblance of cultural relevance thanks to the genius of this lyric

“Fat lip” - Sum 41 - all killer, no filler 

“I like songs with distortion, to drink in proportion the doctor said my mom should've had an abortion”

While on its own, this lyric is a nugget of genius, the thirty seconds of “bortion” echoing before the chorus only adds to it, and really adds to the ambiance of the song. There's so many other great lyrics in this song, but the abortion echo solidifies this as the best parts of the song. 

“Taco Truck x VB” - Lana del rey -  Did you know that there's a tunnel under Ocean blvd

  “Pass me my vape, I'm feeling sick, I need to take a puff”

Lana has written many amazing lyrics throughout her career, she is known for her storytelling through her songwriting. Lana is also known for her affinity for vaping, so it might not have been too surprising when her art imitated reality, and she sang about craving her vape. She's so real for that. 

“Thrift shop” - Macklemore - The heist

 “What you know about rocking a wolf on your noggin? What you knowing about wearing a fur fox skin? I'm digging, I'm digging, I'm searching right through that  luggage One man's trash, that's another man's come up”

Nobody encapsulates the feeling of an amazing score at the thrift shop better than macklemore. He managed to make thrifting exciting, and gave a voice to the random crap you always see at the thrift store. 

Steven

I struggled gathering lyric after lyric from artist after artist that I found to be extremely profound or extraordinarily funny but in the end I am casting it all aside just to give you pure and unfiltered out of context Car Seat Headrest one liners. Enjoy.

I used to enjoy losing money, but now all I do is win - “Oh! Starving”

Fucking goddamn, how I love your shoulders - “No Passion”

I’m changing your anatomy, hipbone is connected to my heart -  “happy news for sadness”

You are not real. - “I Wanna Sweat”

Will they play music I like? “Sleeping With Strangers”

I was young and I loved you but then came the shabba-de-beop-dop-be-shibby-day-oh-yeah. Shabba-de-bop-bop-be-shibby-day-oh-yeah - “The Ending of Dramamine”

I’m an optical illusion - “Beast Monster Thing” 

Last night, I dreamed Obama came to my birthday party. -“You’re in Love With Me”

All my fantasies are faking orgasms - “America (Never Been)”

I won’t need my hair cut for months! - “Is This Dust Really From the Titanic?”

Last night, I dreamed I had returned to the land of my favorite highways - “Hey Space Cadet (Beast Monster Thing in Space)”

I want to kick my dad in the shins - “Something Soon”

Get a job! -  “Times to Die”

All of my friends are making money - “Times to Die” congrats Will Toledo and Crew!

You just want to see me naked! - “Fill In the Blank”

It ain’t no pair of Air Jordans - “1937 State Park”

She’s not my ex, we never met, but do you still think of me? - “Unforgiving Girl (She’s Not An)”

Can you kick his ass? Can you kick his ass for me? - “Cosmic Hero”

Oh please let me join your cult! - “Beach Life-In-Death” there are always real tears streaming down my cheeks and my face is red as hell screaming this part

You’ve just been singing about girls, what do you know about girls? Fuck - “Nervous Young Inhumans”

Getting high on nothing - “Can’t cool me down”

And my actual maybe favorite lyric ever 

I would sleep naked, next to you naked -“Cute Thing”

Thank you for reading! Next time, our blawggers will compile their favorite covers... stay tuned.

[jawnjendes]

i don’t know why | shawn mendes

university au a totally perfect summer babey, shawn x goth gf

AN: u know how life imitates art or vice versa???? yeah sometimes i hate that. anyway i thought i was gonna slow down with updates but i had one (1) free day before i move (tomorrow) so here is this do with her what you will

******let me know if you wanna be tagged in future chapters

masterlist | playlist

In the past, if there was ever a time I could trade 120°F weather for literally anything else, I would have taken it. I would have given anything to stay in Toronto over the summer if it meant I wouldn’t experience heat exhaustion from the moment I stepped outside. I would sell intense SoCal weather to Satan for a single cornchip.

It’s halfway through May, and I still wore a long sleeve and jeans when I went out. It rained sometimes, and when it didn’t, it was cloudy. I could appreciate the coziness that accompanied the weather, but for the time of year, it was also putting me into a weird headspace. I couldn’t shake the feeling of my body unconsciously waiting for sweltering, dry desert heat. I was supposed to be in shorts and a tanktop in my hometown, and Shawn was supposed to be there with me. We were both supposed to be facing the chaos that was my extended family.

On top of that, I was hating having to go to the dealership five times a week. That was all I had going for me now that school was out. I didn’t even work five days during the semester. I never worked in the summer at all in the last few years, and again, I was wearing sweaters in May.

On the bright side, Shawn went to his first therapy session, and it went well for him. Said he had a breakthrough, and ways to combat the night terrors, but he had more that night anyway. I had to time when his body would start twitching, and then wake him up 15 minutes prior. It worked well, and it brought some relief to us and our sleep. I was just glad he was finally doing something about all of this, even if he was still reluctant to talk to me about it.

Sometimes, we were on different wavelengths. Shawn was in the process of getting his perkiness back, and it showed when my pessimism was out and about. There was a balance of light and dark between us, and today Shawn had all of the light.

I decided to go barefaced today. I felt the need to not hide how tired and done I was with the world and its bullshit. My eyebrows were incredibly sparse, and the under eye bags were just a little sunken in. While I was eating solid food again, I was lacking in other nutrients, therefore I was still dropping weight. Why hide it, right?

Shawn just had to point out that I was not wearing makeup, and I just had to take it the wrong way.

“I can’t look pretty all the time,” I snapped.

“But you do look pretty all the time,” he replied, unfazed.

I rolled my eyes and turned away from the bathroom mirror. Shawn was standing next to me, putting product in his freshly washed hair when he noticed my body language.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I have nothing to complain about. I should be grateful.

I left the bathroom and went to change into my uniform. My company shirt needed a wash, but I made a mental note to douse myself in perfume before I left. I was also on my last pair of clean white leggings, which gave me another thing to do when I got home because Shawn doesn’t do laundry. He waits for his mom to come over and do everything for him.

He came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, in his white Sting t-shirt and black jeans. I don’t know why I envied the fact that his only uniform was a stupid apron. Or the fact that he actually looked forward to going to work.

“Okay,” he spoke firmly, “not that long ago, you were pushing me to talk, now it’s your turn. What’s wrong?”

I sighed, not wanting to destroy the last chances I had at pulling myself together before my shift. “It’s nothing. I’m totally happy to be here.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“It means exactly what I said.”

“Doesn’t sound like it.”

My skin was crawling with unreasonable annoyance. I wanted to yell at him, and for what? Was it his fault that my insides were the actual worst?

I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. Then I looked at him, and the underlying sadness started to creep in. “I just miss my parents… and California. I kinda wish I was there.”

Shawn’s eyebrows scrunched together. His tone was something I was not expecting in the slightest. “You don’t wanna live here?”

It didn’t take much to get me back to my angry state. “I didn’t say that,” I defensively argued. “I said I-”

He interrupted me. “No, no. You don’t wanna be here. You don’t wanna live with me. It makes sense, you’ve been moody this whole time!”

My eyes narrowed into a death glare. “What, am I not allowed to miss my hometown? Am I not supposed to be angry that my large intestine refused to cooperate and part of it had to be removed? Should I not be pissed off that I’m eating bland rice everyday?”

He looked more confused than angry. “I think you should be happy you made it, that you’re okay now.”

I scoffed. “I should be happy? I don’t get to go home until December! I don’t get to see my family this summer! It’s almost June and I’m wearing a fucking sweater!”

“Don’t you hate the desert?”

“You don’t understand!” I yelled. Well, I did it.

“What don’t I understand?” Shawn shot back, raising his own voice. “You hate living here, right? You want to leave, eh?”

“I never said that!” My fingers pulled at the hair on my scalp. “I’m pissed that this is how I ended up living with you! And I wasn’t ready to live with you to begin with! I’m pissed that I won’t get to see my family until the end of the year! And I’m pissed that I’m the one who almost died and you’re the one who’s traumatized!”

That definitely silenced him. Shawn's face fell in a way I had never seen before. My rage faltered a little bit, but not enough to take back anything I said. He asked what was wrong, and I told him. I was too impatient to wait for him to say something, so I grabbed my purse and my keys and I was out of the apartment in a flash.

~

Under normal circumstances, I was very good at keeping my personal problems under wraps for the sake of remaining poised and professional. A customer could yell at me and throw a tantrum, and I'd keep my face neutral and polite. When I ended things with Luca, I feigned composure so well that I was named employee of the month.

But no, a stupid fight with my boyfriend threatened my professional-but-mildly-bitchy reputation! I was able to be polite to customers, both over the phone and in person, but I was testy to any coworker that came within a five foot radius of my desk. The finance, sales, and parts managers all fell victim to my signature death stare at various points in the morning. I was honestly shocked I wasn't fired by lunch.

Shortly after my lunch break, Stacy made her departure, leaving me with Jason and Luca. I gave them the cold shoulder from the moment they entered the office, a signal for them to leave me the fuck alone. They obliged, but they still clowned around at the back of the office.

"Dude," Jason said in his stoned out drawl, "they should replace lube… with hand sanitizer."

Luca chuckled. "The fuck? What'd you smoke today?"

"Nah, dawg," he continued, "replace lotion, with IcyHot."

I had my back to them, so they didn't see the puzzled expression on my face. As if I haven't heard such crackheadery like this before. Sometimes it made me laugh, but obviously not today.

"Okay, I got one," Luca said between laughs. "Replaces pads… with aluminum foil."

"Replace tampons with paintbrushes."

"Or! Sticks of dynamite!"

There was only half a brain cell in this room, clearly. That half was taken by Jason, who had a customer come in asking for him. He left the office, giving Luca a smug look through the small window.

There were plenty of people still in the building. The other managers, sans Stacy, and the rest of the salesmen were running around doing boring business things. I wished I had things to do, like file repair orders in the filing closet that was nowhere near this office. Or add up more gas receipts… Or have a long, pointless conversation with a customer over the phone. I literally wished I could do anything to avoid the fact that I was alone with Luca for the first time in months.

Of course, he could never keep his mouth shut.

"So, did your boyfriend break up with you?" he asked in a teasing, childish tone.

I ignored him and pretended to be busy with car repair orders. I didn't even know how to read them most of the time.

"You know I helped Shawnie boy write a song," Luca went on.

My blood boiled remembering how badly Mercy was ruined for me. The real meaning behind the lyrics messed me up more than I liked to admit. I hadn't listened to that song in months because of him, apart from when Shawn would perform it. Still, spite kept my mouth shut.

"Answer me, you little whore," Luca deadpanned. "Thought we were cool."

No, I do not know where the logic is behind that. Luca's mind was unlike anything I've ever encountered, and I can't believe I used to find it so attractive and endearing. I used to take his degrading name calling as terms of endearment. Maybe it was in a twisted way. But that was then. Now, he couldn't even compare to the man I had now.

Luca grew impatient, and decided to approach my desk. He leaned against the surface, practically sitting on it, and his brown eyes burned a hole into the side of my head.

"That song was about you."

Brand new information!

"And I'm assuming you've heard it," he continued. "So you know how I really feel."

Finally, I huffed out a sigh and looked up at him. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you know it's true and it gets to you." He smirked, showing off dimples that I used to adore. He talked like this was some sort of challenge, and god knows he loved to challenge me.

"You're a lot of things," I said, "but you're not a liar. Why start now?"

"I'm not a liar. You just don't wanna believe that someone could love you."

I really did not know where to start with that. He never loved me because he frequently went to me when he was bored and horny. He never loved me because he didn't want the things I wanted, and instead of letting me go, he kept stringing me along. He knew I wouldn't leave.

I  scoffed and got to my feet, not wanting to be looked down on anymore. "You don't know that. You don't know anything about me."

Luca turned his whole body towards me. He was still smirking as he fixed the stupid RayBans perched on his nose. "If anyone's gonna know anything about you, it's me. I know you better than anyone here. I probably know you better than Shawn does. And you hate that, huh?"

He was the only person who wasn't intimidated by my death stare. He was the only person who made me powerless and small. And yeah, I really fucking hated that.

"Oh, so now you suddenly wanna admit that? Now I'm worth something to you?" I spat.

Whatever cockiness Luca had on suddenly faltered. He took a step back, ready to shut down, but I wasn't having it anymore.

"You had feelings, eh?" I asked, internally cursing the vernacular that planted itself into my vocabulary. "So where was all of that last year? Where was all of that when I was tearing myself apart to put you back together?"

"I never asked you to fix me," Luca said. "You just didn't want to fix yourself. I know I was just another person you didn't want to commit to in the long run."

"I wanted you to-" I tried to say, but he interrupted me.

"Oh, I bet you wanted me to be your boyfriend. But I know a crazy bitch when I see one. Doesn't look like anything's changed. Wonder how Shawn deals with you."

It felt like the glass bubble surrounding me was shattered with a sledgehammer. It felt like the wind was knocked out of me, or like my spirit had been forcibly removed from my body. My face was hot to the touch, and angry tears were threatening to come out of my eyes. Everything around me suddenly turned grey and went in slow motion. This feeling in my chest was dull and aching, and I wasn't sure how to deal with it.

Even when Jason entered the office again, I still felt like I was floating. Luca went back to his desk, and my body moved back into my chair. Memories of finishing up my shift were spotty. This darkness was awfully familiar.

I found myself wandering around Walmart after work. My legs felt numb, but they moved and worked like they should. My breath was constantly getting caught in my throat, and my spirit was just following its vessel around the store. I felt like I could collapse at any moment, and I could just let the ground swallow me whole. I tried looking at the video games in the electronic section to get myself back to normal, but I just felt numb. I ended up buying a stick of deodorant and an ice cream bar I couldn't eat.

~

Shawn was already home when I got there, and he still wasn't talking to me. There wasn't anything in me that wanted to try to fix that. He needed to sit with his angry boi feelings anyway. My body moved past the living room, where he was sitting watching Netflix. He looked at me, I saw it from my peripherals, but I just silently turned into the bedroom.

I spent the next hour leaning against the wall in the shower, hot water coming down on my back. I had a specific Halsey song on repeat blaring through the bathroom, even though my spirit floating above my body knew it wouldn't help the situation. I just needed to feel something.

"Tell me how's it feel sitting up there

Feeling so high but too far away to hold me

You know I'm the one who put you up there

Name in the sky, does it ever get lonely?"

Eventually, I was back on Earth, and the water was cold. My limbs ached as I moved around again to shut the shower off, but at least I was feeling something. Once the noise from the running water was gone, I was forced to hear more of that damn song. I still didn't bother to change it as I stepped out of the tub and wrapped a towel around myself.

"Gave love 'bout a hundred tries

Just running from the demons in your mind

Then I took yours and made 'em mine

I didn't notice cuz my love was blind"

I made quick work of drying off and getting dressed. I didn't bother with putting leave-in conditioner in my hair or moisturizing my skin. I stared down at the sink and processed what went down at work.

"I didn't ask you to fix me. You just didn't wanna fix yourself. I know a crazy bitch when I see one. Doesn't look like anything's changed."

Shouldn't you want to fix the one you love when they're down? Wouldn't you do anything you can to ensure that the one you love would be okay? Why else would I give up therapy so Shawn could take my place?

Oh, crap. Shawn.

Before I knew it, I was walking out of the bathroom, back to the living room. Shawn was still on the couch, take out box in hand. I watched him eat pasta as I leaned against the doorway. My voice came out raspy and wavering, but still coherent.

"I'm sorry about this morning. I didn't mean to snap at you."

Talking alone caused a crying fit to form in my chest and throat. I turned on my heel, not expecting much of anything until-

"Did you eat?"

I stopped in my tracks, but I didn't face him. I cleared my throat before speaking again. "Not hungry."

"Hey, I know we fought, but you still need to eat."

"That's, that's not why…" I trailed off. This was a time where I wanted to sit and cry in his arms, something I never did. (The hospital doesn't count - I was under the influence of morphine.) I knew he was still mad at me, though. I couldn't ask him for anything. The only thing I could do was clear my throat some more.

Mad as he was, Shawn was still persistent. "Do you feel sick?"

Yes, but not the way he was probably thinking. I wouldn't even know how to explain it.

"No," I said simply.

I heard Shawn move from the couch, but I still kept my back to him.

"Is something-"

I cut across him. "Don't try to be nice to me. You don't have to after the way I acted."

"We had an argument, we didn't break up," Shawn said.

Slowly, I turned my head to look back at him. The only thing between us was the doorway. Shawn didn't seem as wound up as he did this morning, but that didn't mean he probably wasn't feeling it anymore. I didn't want to risk another fight.

"I didn't mean anything I said this morning," I told him, my voice still small. I couldn't find it in me to fake composure. "I like living with you, and I appreciate everything you've done for me."

He nodded. "I'm sorry too. I understand that you miss your family. I miss mine, and they're only a half hour drive from here."

If I didn't have this surgery then I would be at home and I wouldn't have been irrationally shaken to the core by Luca's words. I could literally be in my childhood bed right now.

"Yeah," I mumbled, reaching my threshold. "Yeah, I do miss home."

Shawn then waved me over. "Come on. Come here."

I felt like I was going to fall apart as I stepped out of the small bedroom. My knees shook slightly, but Shawn took my hand and led me into the spacious area, over to the couch. He watched me as I sat down. I must have looked like a right mess if he was giving me careful eyes, like I might break into pieces at any given moment.

He got up and grabbed the grey, woolen blanket from the other end of the couch and draped it over my lap. "So… how was work?"

"I don't wanna talk about it." I stared at the TV, but I didn't really care about what was on.

"Alright. Do you wanna play Breath of the Wild?"

Tears welled up in my eyes in a split second, and I rapidly nodded my head and sobbed out, "Yeah…"

[ladyamber]

Sirenade:Chapter Eighteen

Hello and welcome to another chapter of Sirenade I hope everyone’s had an amazing week. This week’s chapter we’ll be focusing on two of our adorable boys. One’s that we rarely get to see, but don’t hate me after you read this chapter 0^0 it will get better, I promise. Have an amazing rest of your week and as always Stay Tuned! For next week’s chapter. :)

Start: Prologue

Previous: Chapter 17

Next: Chapter 19 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter 18

He remembered the shivering fear of the small soul zipping past the trees and back to its source. He remembered his energy being sucked out of him for using such a powerful spell, his body screaming for him to stop while his mind told him to hold on. He remembered the fainting feeling he received after ending his enchantment. He remembered muffled words in Delirious’s home, the small talk he had on his way to Panda’s place, and he remembered the relaxing sensation of a fluffy bed engulf him from his worries.

But when he woke from his rest he chooses not to remember it all, he wanted to run to his friends and protect them. But he was helpless, bedbound until his strength, stuck talking about his problems. With Anthony someone, he hadn’t spoken to in a long time.

“You really helped them back there. From what Jon told me you didn’t hesitate to.” Marcel hummed hoping of showing his attempts to return to sleep, but Panda kept going obviously trying to mend their fragile friendship. “You know it wasn’t your fault. What happened to them could have happened to anyone.”

“It should’ve been me, or at least I should’ve been there to protect them.” He spoke in a low voice in hopes of hiding his vulnerability. Of course, Panda noticed right away, he shook his head in disapproval.

“We couldn’t have known, no one expected the hurricane to hit the ocean so badly, the town too.” Marcel wished he had a horrible memory likes some of his friends. He wanted to forget that horrible images, the horrible pain he and Anthony felt that day. “Simone and Melina’s death were not your fault.”

“But it was! I should’ve stopped them. I knew something was wrong that day, but I did nothing and because of that I- we lost our love! Don’t you get it, Anthony, I screwed up, okay?!” Marcel used most of his stored strength to do that regretting it as he plopped back onto the bed. Fighting the tears to stay swelling up in his eyes, choking back the sobs. “I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. Or how you humans put it ‘getting married’, and you were put through that excruciating pain from your mark too.”

He couldn’t take the image of his love and Anthony’s mate washed up on the shore in the middle of the night both bruised, bloody and broken by the tidal rocks. Simone and Melina cared about one another so much as sisters do, and they proved their love for each other to the very end. Bashed in skulls and all, they both locked themselves away after the funeral. Days, weeks went by and no one saw either man, but Anthony managed to move forward. Being human the mating mark couldn’t exactly kill him since he wasn’t a merman Marcel, however, didn’t for years his guilt swallowed him up. It went unnoticed by many, all but one.

“Do think this is what they would’ve wanted. You told me you’d been hunted out of your home, coming here to start a new life, right? Then fulfill their dreams, Simone loved you, she loved you because you found happiness with her. She loved you the most when you were happy, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find happiness with...someone else.” Marcel’s tears finally fell, biting his tongue to keep his sobs silent.

“I don’t deserve it though.” Panda lightly smacked him in the head.

“Course you do, you know she hated seeing unhappy. Broke her heart, imagine seeing her face everyone you feel unhappy with yourself. I can hear her disappointment.” He softly chuckled. “Just think about it, I gave my choice of finding another love away when I mated with Mel and I’m alright with that, but you have another chance. Don’t waste it.”

Marcel didn’t get the chance to respond before a familiar blue-eyed friend walked into the backroom. “They’ve found everyone. Everybody’s okay now.”

Marcel shook his head to push away the memory, he swam through the coral forest admiring all the small creatures that followed and pondered around his indigo fins. His head merely breaking the surface of the water, scanning for any organism more specifically humans or any traces of them. Knowing that the coast was clear he shifted from his navy tail to a pair of limbs. Just in time for his “friend” to find him waiting at the beach.

“There you are I was worried you’d ditched me.”

“Scott I would never have a little faith in me dawg.” Scotty’s laughter fills the empty beach what a musical sound it was. Not a chaotic as Jonathan’s but not as soft as Ryan’s.

“I’m just kidding, now come on we’ve got work to do.”

“We?”

“Yes we, I’m not doing this alone what if something happens to me?” Marcel playfully rolled his eyes.

“You’re a grown-ass man Scott you don’t-”

“Look there!” Scotty excitedly pointed at something in the distance. Marcel followed the pale arm to see a green creature slowly return to the ocean. “A loggerhead sea turtle by the looks of it a female too. She must have laid some eggs come on if we hurry we can check for a tag!”

With that Scotty made a run for it towards the magnificent creature not realizing he’d started to enter the sea as Marcel followed right after him. So focused on catching the turtle Scotty failed to notice the approaching tide strong enough to knock him off his feet. He eventually noticed, but it was too late. The wave had thrown him off balance and started to drag him into the blue abyss most called majestic, most except Scotty. He tried to call out for Marcel but ended up swallowing seawater having used most of his strength to run and catch the turtle. Scotty felt his body begin to shut down from the lack of oxygen when a pair of arms pull him out of the water Scotty gasped for air. Coughing and dry heaving to remove the salty water from his lungs and stomach.

Marcel had never felt so much fear in his life seeing Scotty struggle. He wasted no time pulling him out allowing him to breathe and regain strength. “ You okay?” Scotty nodded, panting as he sat back against the sandy beach. “Wanna talk about it?”

He watched Scotty hesitate for a moment as he tried to regain his composure. “Promise not to make fun of me?” Marcel nodded sealing his promise with Scotty.

“I’m afraid of the ocean.” At first, Marcel thought he was joking, wanting to laugh even, but seeing the serious expression on Scotty’s face. He kept his word and bit back the laughter. ‘As much as I love to help restore marine life. I might never be able to recover from my fear. It's funny that a Marine biologist is afraid of their job

Marcel felt his heartbreak not just from seeing Scott upset but more from he and Scott simply weren’t meant to be like he thought. “Hey, it’s okay. I promise I’ll be there to help you overcome this fear. I’ll help you learn that the ocean’s not as bad as it seems.” He held out his hand offering it to the sitting male.

“Okay I’m willing to learn, but as soon as it gets too intense I’m out I don’t wanna catch your weird hippy vibes.” They both throw their heads back in laughter as they continued their work on the beach. Hands side by side merely grazing each other, both itching to hold the other.

[cremedelacremefanfic]

Crème de la Crème: 30

Evie

"What's this all about, August?" I asked as I got more comfortable in his leather seats

He switched lanes and looked over at me "Your birthday is during the trip, I wanted to make sure we got to hang out before we go." He said

"We have like two weeks before the trip, boo." I reminded

"I'm sorry, love." He smiled at me apologetically "I'm not trying to say that you're not important but I pissed off a really important person in my life and I got a lot of making up to do, so my schedule looking kind of tight." He said

I rolled my eyes. August was as single as a dollar bill, so I'm not sure who in his life could be so important that they're taking up so much time.

It was probably a family member and it that case I couldn't be upset because, in reality, I would be spending my actually birthday with him.

"I don't see why you need to take me home, though." I said

"You need to change into something sexy for me." He winked at me playfully before turning down my street

I chuckled and shook my hand.

I've never had a friend like August or Sean before. They were men who honestly just wanted to be my friend. August and I would always play around but I knew it was nothing serious.

It was hard to find men out here like them and I didn't plan on letting either go anytime soon.

"Whatever, I'm going to run in really quick and freshen up you wanna come up or stay here?" I asked

"Of course, I'm thirsty as hell. Being your personal chauffeur ain't easy."

"Nigga you offered to pick me up for work." I reminded

"'Cuz that's what day ones do when they nigga birthday coming up!" He said parking behind my car

Laughing, we got out and walked up my driveway and onto my porch. I pushed my key into the door, unlocked it and took a step inside. The lights immediately switched on.

"SURPRISE!"

I jumped a little and looked around at all the familiar faces "You guys. You’re gonna make me cry." I said in a whiney tone "And you, how could you!" I said pushing August

He only laughed "You know I had to get that ass one time." He said

"You didn't think I was gonna make you leave without all of us turning up for your birthday, did you?" Tish said

"And I brought your favorite drink." Sean said with a bottle of henny in one hand and Tish in the other

Me, Sean and alcohol didn't mix well. Nigga always tryna keep me turnt.

I was surprised to see that even Ashton was here.

"Happy early birthday." He said giving me a quick hug

"Thanks." I said

Our encounter was short and awkward. I quickly escaped to mingle with my other friends.

"Happy birthday, baby." I was turned around ready to see what this boy wanted only to be grabbed by the waist and kissed prompting a round of "oohs" echoed through my living room.

"Aaron!" I pulled away from him and smacked his chest

He winked at me and gave my waist a squeeze,

"See, now that I'm actually seeing y'all together... I bet you two would make some cute ass babies." Tish said with a nod

"Listen to your home girl." Aaron laughed as he dodged my smack

I shook my head with a slight laugh "Don't give him any ideas." I warned

I caught eyes with Ashton and that plunged my spirits. His face didn't hold the expression I expected, which was anger or at least hurt, it was the total opposite. He was actually laughing it up with Sean not paying Aaron and I any attention.

"Fuck him, sis." Tish said for only me to hear

I nodded as I watched Ashton interrupt the conversation Aaron was having with Jesse. My eyes never left the two brothers as they walked out my front door.

I think god put these two in my life to flip my world upside down.

August

"So what's been up with you nigga, we haven't seen much of you lately." Sean asked as he sat behind his desk, slouching back in his chair.

I chuckled because for once this nigga was actually right. I've been so busy with being in and out of court along with shit happening on the home front.

I was young and focused, I knew what I wanted in life and I’m just trying to get it, along with taking care of my family. Majority of the time I was out battling these court cases and legal woes of this company.

We're a major company and with that comes liabilities, law suits and a bunch of other unnecessary bullshit. But, I get that shit right together.

Being the youngest lawyer in the Aston Martin company, a lot of other companies took me for a joke until I walk in that bitch and make them eat their words.

I can honestly say, I was that nigga.

"Yeah, just been doing a lot of shit. Home front issues, along with people who wanna sue us for no damn reason." I told him, chuckling a bit.

"I hear that shit; it's been fucking crazy as fuck lately. But, I'm glad for this trip, though. It couldn't have come at a better time. You know how crazy these trips can get." He smirked.

I laughed and nodded my head in agreement. One of the reasons why most of us couldn't wait because they were always lit as fuck, no matter what.

The only downfall was that we couldn't bring nobody with us. But, shit all I needed was my niggas and a bottle of Hennessy, courtesy of Sean’s alcoholic ass.

I knew that Ashton was going to have hoes in rotation there also. Unfortunately, that shit wasn't for me no more but it was still cool to be going on this trip and getting away from work for a while.

"We know how crazy you and Ashton ass can get. Speaking of, he needs a damn trip, that nigga is all over the place these days, fuck!"

Ashton has been breathing down our necks lately. Usually, he puts a lot of pressure on us to get our work together, but for the last month, he's been out of control. The nigga was stressed,

"That nigga always grumpy! He needs some pussy, and not from Adrienne loose ass. He needs some grade A pussy. I keep trying to tell him." I shook my head.

"He been on one, but let me get the fuck outta here before he comes in here talking his shit." I stood up and leaned over the desk and dapped him up.

"Me the fuck too, he'll come in this bitch and see us just chilling and start looking for us something to do to kill time and shit." Sean stated, laughing.

"That's your best friend, dawg, you know he stupid." I chucked up the deuces and walked out this office.

After leaving Sean office I saw Evie hauling ass towards the elevator. "Yo, why is your little ass running like a bat out of hell for?" I laughed and grabbed her arm as she tried flying pass me.

"I need to go home and start packing for this trip. I was supposed to have been done but y’all damn boss tried to give me overtime for some bullshit. Ugh!" She stomped her foot like a spoiled brat.

Evie was my baby, she reminded me of my baby sister. Spoiled rotten to the core but she was a cool ass chick. She was about her work and getting her money and I respected her.

When I first met her, she was this shy, timid girl who dressed like a seventy-year-old woman school house teacher, but lately, she's been dressing more and sexier and I wasn't with that shit.

She was going out more and the more too. It’s like the more she hangs out with us, the wilder she become. I blame Sean for that shit. His “life of the party” wannabe ass.

"You know how he is; how long you been working here? You know that nigga not wrapped too tight." I joked.

"Yeah, whatever, just keep him away from me on that trip and we won't have any problems. We going to be overseas and I don't know what will fly out my mouth so keep Sean and his liquor away from me too."

This time I cackled. Everyone knew that when her ass gets an ounce of liquor in her system she starts going ham. Evie was a firecracker. She acted as if she was this sweet innocent girl but deep down she was a damn savage.

I seen how my boy, Jessie been looking at her, and how they been kicking it for the last week. I'm a talk to her about that later though since she was determined to get out of Ashton's sight, like the rest of us. "Go ahead and pack, call me later lil bit." I kissed her cheek as she damn near ran out the building.

I shook my head and walked inside of my office and grabbed my briefcase and jacket and headed out for the evening.

I breezed through traffic while bobbing my head to Jeezy. While in traffic a slew of things ran through my mind as I made my way home.

A lot of things in my life has transpired, more so good things but some of the things that I was doing was going to end badly if I didn't get a hold on it and quickly.

I pulled into my garage and jumped out, grabbing my things and headed inside. I walked into my house and the smell made a smile form on my face. I put down my briefcase and took off my suit jacket.

Loosening my tie, I walked into the kitchen to see my baby mixing the pot with one of my t-shirts on.

"What you in here cooking, girl?" I snuck up behind her and placed a kiss on the crook of her neck.

She turned around with a smile on her face but that soon faded into an angry expression. I kissed my teeth, "Here you go."

I said backing away from her and pulled my tie completely off. She turned off the stove and put the spoon that was in her hand down.

"No, don't try and flip this, where the hell is your ring?" She put her hand on her hip awaiting my answer

I looked down at my finger and cursed myself.

"I swear to god, one of these days I'm going to leave you, August." She

"Baby, you gonna leave me for a ring?" I asked

"You're married! You can't just go around taking your ring off because if I did the same then it would be a serious problem, right?" She questioned. "Right!" She repeated.

I made a mistake when I married Corrine. Marrying her wasn't the mistake because I loved that girl with every of me, but the way I did it.

We eloped, so no one was aware that I was a married man. I didn't want to hear nobody's mouth when it came to my marriage.

I couldn't tell boys because I would never hear the last of it because I opted not to sign a pre-nup. Then my parents would murder me, my mother has been planning my wedding since I was at least twenty and I completely went over her head with my court house union.

I didn't know how to tell anyone about my wife.

We'd only knew each other for a few months before I popped the question. She was an attorney like myself, one of her clients was suing mine.

Of course, I beat her in court and made it up to her with a round of drinks and we've been inseparable since.

"Look at your dumb ass, stuck! Keep on August. We've been married for a year, keep hiding me and see if we make it to another one."

"Corrie, just give me some more time baby." I pleaded with her

She reached up and caressed my face.

"Keep playing me for a fool and I'll give you all the time in the world." She said before brushing passed me.

I sighed deeply, dragging my hand down my face, letting out a frustrated groan.

"Baby, come here." I caught up to her and wrapped my arms around her and pulled her back into me. "I'm sorry."

"You're always fucking sorry! Why is this even a secret? I can’t tell my friends; I can't even tell my mother that I'm married. You know how that feels?" Again, I sighed

I could admit that I was being selfish but I just wasn't ready to tell everyone just yet but I knew if I didn't, I would lose Corrine and that's just something I'm not willing to do.

"I know baby and soon we will let everyone know but right now is just not the time. Just give me like two weeks, tops and I promise we can go to the mountain tops and shout it out so that everyone can hear it."

"You just don't get it baby; why am I secret? Huh? Do you not wanna be married to me? Is that what this is if so we can go get this shit annulled." Now I was getting pissed.

I turned her body quickly so that I was looking deeply into her eyes. When she looked up at me I saw the look of defeat and tears filled the brim of her eyes.

I wasn't trying to be selfish and I could now see how this was really affecting her. "Listen to me, Corrine...." I grabbed her face into my hands and lowered my face to hers.

"You're not a secret, I love you and I wouldn't have married you if I felt like you weren't the one for me. I just been under a lot of pressure at work but I promise that we will tell our parents soon. I'll tell my friends too. Don't ever doubt my love for you."

A few tears fell from her eyes as I kissed them away. "You got a week nigga and I promise if you don't I'm going to show the fuck up and show out." I smirked.

Her little feisty ass was always trying to show the fuck out. I kissed her lips softly.

I lifted the shirt that she was wearing and gripped her ass roughly before slapping it. "What you cook for me?

She pulled away and rolled her eyes playfully. "You are so annoying. I cooked your favorite. And are we still going to that little cute Mexican place Saturday." My smile faded as I thought about the work trip.

It had slipped my mind just that quick. I had to tell her and I guess this would be the not so perfect time but I needed to tell her.

"Baby, that’s what I need to talk to you about."

Walking over to her as she stood over the stove flipping over the fried fish. "What is it?" She asked so sweetly.

I leaned my head back and groaned lowly. "We can't go this Saturday because I have to attend my annual work trip for a week." I said as I placed my head in the crease of her neck.

"Unbelievable! And when did you planning to tell me this shit? When you were packed and on the damn plane! Get the fuck off of me!"

"Don't be--"

"Back the fuck up…" She said calmly. I unwrapped my arms from around her as she stomped past me and for the second time today she bumped her shoulder into mine and stormed off.

I can't win for losing...

[msbigredmachine]

Into The Deep End - Chapter 30

Sasha has always tried to play it safe, to keep her life as simple and risk-free as possible. Things change, however, when she garners the interest of a handsome, charming, younger man from a completely different world than hers. As she starts to question her own rules, is she ready to take the biggest chance of them all? Will she let herself take that dive? Roman Reigns/OC.

CHAPTER 29

"If that bag was a person, it'd be dead by now."

From across the gym, Jon, Colby, Jonny and Trinity looked on wearily as Joe laid waste to a poor defenseless punching bag. He'd been at it for half an hour straight with no breaks, only pausing to take the occasional gulp of water. Ever since he returned from Pensacola, he'd been in a surly mood. They were back on the road pretty quickly and though he was still his solid ass-kicking self in the ring he was a different person once the cameras were turned off. He was moody and broody and talked even less than he usually did. They were shocked to hear he'd broken up with Sasha and when they pressed for more details he'd been very vague. Trinity had received the same reaction from Sasha when she texted her and they all deduced that something had gone down in Pensacola. These days Joe spent all his time moping and staring miserably at his phone, and when he wasn't doing that, he was staring into space. They hadn't seen him act like this since Andrea and it was worrying. "He's so sad," Trinity lamented. "What do we do, guys?"

"We let him be," said Jonny, already seeing his fiancée's Mother Hen feathers sprouting. "Relax, babe. He'll talk to us when he's ready."

"It's been a week!" she contested.

"It was much longer the last time, remember?" said Colby. "We just have to be there for him now like we were then. He'd do the same for any of us."

They continued to watch him like a hawk until he finished, toweling himself before picking up his things and leaving the gym without speaking to anyone. He completely ignored Randy Orton and the Big Show as they walked in. The smaller of the two men slowed down to watch the retreating, slouched form of the Samoan. "What's up his ass?" Randy asked the rookies.

Jon squared his blue eyes at the older man. "What do you care?"

"Come to think of it, your boy has been moping around a lot lately," Randy remarked. "Let me guess, trouble in Paradise?"

"None of your business so get to steppin'," Jon countered.

The Cincinnati native's defensive tone prompted the Viper's blue eyes to light up. He crossed his arms. "So there is trouble."

"Keep walkin', Orton. Trouble or not, you and Sasha ain't gonna happen."

A cold smile touched the corners of Randy's mouth. "You sound so sure, Ambrose."

"Because I am. I heard through the grapevine that she called you out in Jacksonville. You see, not every chick within a twenty mile radius of you is gonna fall for your little charm schtick. Thought you'd have learned that by now." Jon's smile was just as wicked. "Don't you got reps to botch or somethin'?"

With dangerously narrowed eyes, Randy came up to Jon, staring him right down. Of course, the man they called the Lunatic Fringe always itched for a fight. He straightened up, meeting the veteran's hardened gaze squarely. Trinity glanced anxiously between the two men, as did Colby and Jonny, standing nearby just in case.

Randy scowled at him. "Better watch it, Ambrose." Casting a warning glare at the rest of the group, he stalked off to rejoin Show.

Jon scoffed. "Ass wipe." He didn't like Orton and he never would.

Jonny tried not to laugh. "Bro, that big-ass mouth of yours is gonna get you killed, dawg."

"Do you blame him though?" Colby said to Jonny. "Imagine if you and Trin were having problems and some douchebag wanted to swoop in on her, how would you feel? Exactly," he added on seeing the Samoan's features harden.

"Besides, I've had this 'big-ass' mouth for twenty-seven plus years and I'm still standing," Jon added. "I'm helping my boy mark his territory. Sasha belongs to Joe. She'll probably knee me in the balls for saying it like that if she was here, but it's a fact."

"Who are you texting?" Jonny asked Trinity, drawn to the suddenly determined look on her face.

"I'm bringing in the big guns," she declared, her thumb skittering across the screen of her phone.

"What do you mean?" He leaned closer to her for a glimpse of her phone and lifted his eyebrow. "Wait, you want her to come here? Do you really wanna do that?"

"She's in town and she's the only one he listens to," Trinity replied.

Jonny sighed. "You know he gonna call you a snitch, right?"

"It's for his own good. I don't like seeing him like this, it's not healthy."

"This better not blow up in your face, Trin. You could end up making things worse," said Colby, with Jon nodding in agreement.

"It won't," she vowed. Putting her phone away, she looked around at the three men. "Trust me. He needs this."

------------------

Joe lay on his bed, glad to finally have some alone time. He was getting tired of the questions and the hovering. He knew his friends meant well but he needed space. Space to think. Which admittedly was all he seemed to be doing these days. Thinking about her. Wondering about her.

Missing her something awful.

It was only a week ago but it felt like a year since their fight. He missed the sound of her voice. He wanted to talk to her so bad right now. He missed talking with her, holding her in his arms, kissing her. Making love to her. Everything about her and with her was different and had been so from the day they first met. Spending time with her, talking about anything and everything, satisfied his need for a friend, for companionship, the need he had to protect and take care of someone. Her. Her kids. He regarded her as his equal, his confidante. Sex with her satisfied him physically as a man, as a lover. It was always hot and sensual and intimate and intense and stirred feelings inside him that he never thought he'd feel again. She satisfied him completely, physically and emotionally, something he hadn't felt in years. Because after Andrea, he'd only opted for casual, meaningless flings where no one would get attached. Even when it became boring and it made him feel emptier and lonelier inside, he kept at it because he thought it was for the best. Over the time they were together, Sasha showed him that he deserved more. He did want more and he wanted it with her. But he threw it all away in the heat of the moment and he regretted it every single day.

The moment he drove off, he knew he made a mistake. They had said some unsavory things to each other but all he wanted to do was go back to her, to pull her into his arms, to apologize and start over. Since then he'd thought a million times about calling her in the hope that they could work things out. But each time he took his phone and stared at her beautiful, grinning face, he held himself back. Because he knew it would never be that easy anymore. He'd gone over it in his head over and over and it boiled down to the same conclusion. He'd hurt her badly enough that she would want nothing to do with him ever again.

And his heart broke afresh.

There was a knock on his door. He thought about ignoring it but it quickly grew persistent. Sighing out loud, he went to open it. I swear to God if anyone asks me if I'm okay one more time I'ma break a motherfucker's face.

Alma stood at the other side of the door. "Wow, you look like crap."

Joe rolled his eyes, opened the door wider for her and returned to his bed, throwing a muscular arm over his eyes. "What are you doing here? Don't you have some conference to be at?"

"It's not until this evening, so no," she answered, "And I wanted to come visit my baby brother, my sons' favorite uncle. But don't tell Matt that, okay?"

"Trinity snitched, didn't she?"

She sat down on the bed next to his outstretched legs. "She's worried about you, Leati. We all are. And I know you're going to say you're fine but you're not. You don't even look fine."

Joe made no response, instead turning over, pulling his legs up and curling up into a ball in the middle of the bed. Alma sighed. "Ugh, you've gone into baby mode." She patted his leg. "Get up. Let's go get lunch. I have a couple of hours to kill before the conference tonight."

"Do I have to?" Joe whined.

"Dude, are you seriously turning down free food?" she asked incredulously.

He quickly jumped up. "Oh, you're paying? Give me five minutes."

Alma laughed and shook her head. "Dumbass."

--------------

The siblings ended up in a quaint little Italian restaurant several blocks away from Joe's hotel. It didn't take long for Alma to bust out her gentle coaxing technique that never failed to work on her baby brother, and of course he ended up opening up to her and telling her what was on his mind. Which was a lot. He always liked how she listened without interrupting, allowing him to pour his heart out. "I hurt her Al," he concluded sadly, "I said things to her I should have never said."

"You hurt each other," Alma surmised, taking a bite of her lasagna. "Yes it seemed like she was running and maybe it was bad timing. But put yourself in her shoes. You need to understand how she's feeling. She's used to being on her own and being independent and living a quiet simple life. Then she meets you and the next thing she knows she's thrust into this life and this lifestyle she's never seen before. She finds out this huge thing that happened with your ex and it's clear you're not over it. On top of that your mother doesn't show her any love. It had to overwhelm her."

"I know." He recalled the look on Sasha's face when they were in the car, the devastation in her eyes. Guilt nagged at him. "I was overwhelmed too; by Mom badgering her, Pop constantly badgering me, telling Sasha about Andrea...it was all one big clusterfuck and I'll admit I didn't handle it too well."

Alma looked up from her food. "You know Mom was only trying to protect you, right? Back at the house?"

Joe frowned. "That's no excuse. She shouldn't have treated Sasha that way no matter what. It was disrespectful of her."

"Listen. After everything that happened with Andrea, Ma felt guilty," said Alma. "She still does. She's hurt that she never saw through Andrea, that she couldn't protect you as a mother from the heartache you went through. She knows she messed up with Sasha. But my issue here is the painkillers Leati. Come on. What are you thinking? We can't be talking about drugs again, not this family. You know what we all went through with Eki and Rodney, as well as countless other wrestlers in the past several years. Need I say more?"

Joe stared down at his plate, pushing his food around. "I know. I just thought I could handle it on my own, you know? I don't want to be a disappointment again. I couldn't make it in the NFL, remember? I don't want the same to happen in the WWE."

"You know that's not going to happen. You bust your ass every single day and you've been doing that since day one and it's paying dividends. You're closing out Raws and SmackDowns and stealing the show at pay-per-views. Hell, you've already made it to a WrestleMania! You really don't need none of that shit."

"I know. I've been working on it." It was the truth. All week he had been taking slow but positive steps towards recovery, all of which he listed to Alma. Something he wished he could tell Sasha as well. She would have been proud.

"Dad didn't realize how hard he was pushing you," Alma continued. "He only wants to see you succeed, the same as the rest of us." She took a sip of her soda. "He said Sasha pretty much laid into him. Said she made him open his eyes." She smiled. "He likes her, you know. He likes her spunk. So do Matt, Cass and I. She's a good one, irrespective of what Mom thinks. When you first told me about her all those months ago I instantly knew you liked her. I'll admit I questioned whether three years was too soon for you to delve into a serious relationship but that changed when it became obvious how happy she makes you."

She did make him happy, and to know it was all ruined did not sit well with him at all. Joe bowed his head, his broad shoulders hunched and making him look even more drained and despondent. "I miss her, Alma," he whispered. "I miss her so much it fuckin' hurts."

Alma leaned back in her chair to observe her baby brother. "I know exactly how you feel about her, Leati. I think I knew from day one," she said, smiling when his grey eyes met her matching ones. "And deep down you probably do too. Set things right with her. Don't let her go so easily."

There was a hint of hope in his expression as he looked at Alma. "You think she'll come around? After everything?"

"If she cares for you the way I think she does, then yes," she replied after a moment's silence, "But it's up to you to make the right move first."

Joe absorbed his oldest sibling's words, a new determination rising within him. He knew what he needed to do. He just hoped he wasn't too late.

She could watch Mia dance all day long if she was allowed to.

Watching her glide gracefully around Pam's living room to the Goo Goo Dolls' 'Iris', pride swelled within Sasha, as it always did. She looked so beautiful. She had been dancing ever since she was a toddler and it amazed her how far she had come even at such a young age with limited resources. As much as she knew the eight-year-old had inherited her dancing skills from her, Sasha hadn't possessed half of Mia's talent at this age. Her versatility – whether it was fluid contemporary, sharp jazz or gritty hip-hop, she had a strong grasp on them all; her technique and performances, executed with a graceful crispness and maturity beyond her years. Like her older brother, Mia loved the spotlight and the attention and it was where she belonged. Her elementary school had a talent show coming up in a few weeks and Pam was assisting her with the contemporary piece she was to perform that night. Sasha saw that she'd missed out on quite a lot of prepping in her absence. She liked to be there for the development of the piece, to give Mia tips or simply provide moral support. A part of her wished she had stayed behind in Tampa the week before to oversee Mia's preparations. Perhaps if she had, her personal life would be a very different story today.

"She's amazing, isn't she?"

She looked up to see Pam settling down across from her at the kitchen island with a cup of coffee, silently awaiting her answer. "She is," Sasha agreed, facing her daughter again. "You've done so great with her. All the dance classes, the tutoring, everything."

"Naw, babe. The talent is all her. Charlie and I just tweak it a little." The petite woman quietly stirred the contents of her cup with a teaspoon. "Now that we've established that, are you finally going to tell me what happened with you and Joe?"

At the sound of his name, Sasha's chest tightened and she pursed her lips. Two weeks had gone by since she walked out of Joe's car and didn't look back. The scene replayed over and over in her head ever since. Her anger towards Joe hadn't completely subsided but it didn't stop her from thinking about him. From missing him. The silence between them was becoming deafening and she had to wonder if this was how it was going to end between them. "It's nothing."

"Child. This is me you're talking to," Pam reprimanded her. "You ain't been the same since you got back. You always look like you've been crying. Wrestling comes on and you bolt. I come over to your place and you got Mary J. Blige whining on the stereo. Mary of all people! Now that's a cry for help if there ever was one and I'm here to rescue your ass. Talk. Now."

She really didn't want to talk about it or think about it anymore. All it did was make her feel like her heart was breaking all over again. She should be used to the feeling; for some reason pain and hurt always found her. However she and Pam never kept things from each other. That was a promise they'd made to each other a long time ago. So she took a deep breath and told her everything, only leaving out the details about Andrea's misdeeds out of respect for Joe. As expected, the more she talked the more upset she got. By the time she was finished she was fighting back tears and Pam's expression was grim. "Damn," she commented, "That was rough."

"I get why he's angry and maybe he has a right to be," Sasha rambled, "He's been struggling and suffering all by himself, keeping so many things bottled inside. All I wanted was to be there for him but it was just so crazy." She fiddled with the bracelet on her wrist, the same one Joe had given her in Miami. If she closed her eyes and thought hard enough, she could still smell the intoxicating aroma of sea breeze blending with Joe's cologne like it had that day. "It's been two weeks and I haven't heard a word from him. He's probably moved on. He finally realized he was wasting his time with me all along."

"You know that's not true, Sash," Pam shook her head. "He's just upset about how everything went down. He wanted you and his family to get along but it didn't happen. All the pressure he's been feeling finally caught up to him and sadly you got caught in the crossfire. Telling you about Andrea must have taken a toll on him too. I'm not condoning what he did though. He said some pretty foul shit to you and acted like a prick. But he told you this huge thing only for you to suggest that you break up shortly afterwards. I'm sure he feels like you abandoned him."

"I didn't mean to make it sound like that. I just meant there's so much going on with him that he needs to fix on his own. The drama with his dad, the pills. That was the part I couldn't handle. You know how I feel about drugs after everything that happened with Cliff. And Joe...I kept asking and asking but he kept telling me not to worry. He got in so deep with them and I didn't realize it. His family didn't even know about it, not even his beloved mother. And her...you should have seen the way she looked at me, Pam. The way she talked to me. She doesn't want me with him. I put myself in her shoes and I don't blame her. Can you imagine if T.K. brought a twenty-five year old woman home? Hell, I'd probably not like her either." She met Pam's eyes. "Pam...Joe wants children."

Pam held her gaze, words silently exchanged between them, then blew out a breath. "I figured. His interactions with Mia was a giveaway."

Sasha ran a trembling hand over the back of her neck. "Remember what happened when she was born?"

"How could I ever forget the night I almost lost you, Sash?" Pam said, her own eyes glazing at the horrific memory.

"Exactly. And remember what the Doctor said. I'm older now. Getting pregnant is going to be just as difficult now if not more. Pam, I never thought he would want kids with me. I never thought that far ahead with our relationship. Joe deserves to have everything he wants in life and I don't know if I can give it all to him." Sasha swallowed hard, her expression one of despair. "I knew, I knew there was a reason I should have backed off from the start," she lamented. "I tried to tell him no when he first gave me his number but I couldn't resist him. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking letting things get this far with a guy so much younger than me. I'm a fool."

"Babe, relax," Pam told her, "Look, the past few weeks has been a lot for you to take in. This is new for you and it's overwhelming. Maybe this time apart is what you two really need."

But Sasha shook her head. "I don't think I'm ever going to see him again. We haven't spoken since that day. Not one word. He always texts me at least. But this time, nothing. He doesn't want me anymore. Hell, he's probably found someone new while I'm sitting here pining for him because my dumb ass just had to fall in love with him..."

Shit.

She sucked in a breath. Admitting it out loud drove it home for her and she was overcome with emotion once more. Burying her face in her hands, the tears she'd been holding in finally broke free.

Pam shifted closer and put her arms around her best friend. "Let it out, sweetie. Let it all out," she whispered, which only made the mother of two cry harder. "It's so good to finally hear you say that. It's about damn time." When Sasha looked at her, she said, "Trick, you've been in love with that man for the longest time. Either you didn't realize it or you just didn't want to admit it."

Sasha sniffled as Pam wiped away her tears. "I hate how I feel, Pam," she sobbed. "I told myself I'd never depend on any man no more and that's exactly what's happened. I can't stop thinking about him. I want to pick up the phone so badly but I don't know if he wants to talk to me. I miss him like fuckin' crazy and I feel like I can't breathe without him." She meant every word. She missed everything about him and their time together. There was so much she'd taken for granted. Like how he always treated her like a lady; how he had to touch her in some way whenever they were together, either holding her hand or putting an arm around her waist; how they would talk on the phone about nothing for hours in the middle of the night, how he would say silly things to make her laugh. How her older age meant nothing to him, or so she'd thought. How hands-on he was with T.K. and Mia. His protectiveness. The way her heart pounded when he stared at her with those beautiful eyes. The way she forgot how to think when he kissed her; the fire he ignited in her body and soul when they made love. She had one of his t-shirts and she still wore it to sleep simply because it smelled like him. She knew she was torturing herself, she did. For the first time in nearly a decade she felt lost, and she felt lost without Joe by her side. "I'm sick of feeling like this. It hurts."

"You're in love, that's why it hurts," said Pam, rubbing her shoulders. "It's perfectly normal to feel this way. And you ain't gotta worry about Joe not wanting you because he does. That boy's crazy about you. Have you seen the way he stares at you when you're not looking? The way he smiles when you talk to him or when he talks about you? He feels the exact same way about you, girl. He'll come around. Give him time. And when he does you make sure the two of you talk. Like a proper heart-to-heart, a no holds barred conversation. Tell him about the complications with you and let him take it from there. I don't even know how you didn't mention it to him in the first place."

Sasha rolled her eyes. "Um, 'hey, I almost kicked the bucket giving birth to my second kid' isn't exactly an ideal topic of conversation," she refuted. She couldn't possibly imagine looking him in the eye and saying that to him after what he went through with Andrea. "What if I tell him and he does walk?"

Pam took a long look at the younger woman. She always told it like it was and she wasn't about to stop now. "Then he walks," she said sadly. "Flaws and all, Joe is a good guy. I mean that. He's the first man you've been with that I actually like. And like you said, he deserves everything he wants in life. You have children already. He should have his own someday if that's what he wants."

The thought of Joe with another woman, making love to her, having babies with her, sent a hot wave of jealousy through Sasha. But as much as it hurt her heart, she knew Pam was right. She gave a fresh sob and leaned into Pam, savoring her best friend's ever-comforting embrace.

"Come on," Pam stated, gently sitting Sasha up before taking her hands and squeezing them. "Let's hang out this weekend. Just you and me. We can go to the spa, get manicures and facials, get our hair did. Or we could have dinner, go to a club and hit on guys even though we should know better. We'll do whatever you want. How's that sound?"

Despite her crappy mood, she sent an amused look Pam's way. "You just got paid huh?"

Pam returned her grin. "Something like that." Glancing down at her vibrating phone, she rolled her eyes. "I gotta head downstairs. The idiots at Reception finally found my missing mail. I'll be right back."

After she left, Sasha went to the sink and splashed some water on her face to wash away all traces of her sorrow. Clearing her throat, she returned her attention to Mia, who was rounding off a pirouette. "Lookin' good, baby," she praised, sitting on an armchair in the living room to get a closer look. "You're doing better with your extensions."

"Thanks." She turned off the music and began a series of body stretches, eyeing her mother all the while. "Mama, did something happen between you and Joe?"

It was a perfectly innocent question, but one that caused her stomach to knot uncomfortably. Trust her daughter to be so observant. "Why do you say that, baby?"

Mia approached Sasha, sitting on the armrest next to her and leaning into her mother's touch as she rubbed her back. "Well, you don't smile so much anymore. He always makes you smile. And he doesn't call or come around anymore like he used to. Why?" she stated, cocking her head to the side curiously. "Are you two fighting?"

Sasha's heartstrings tugged at how sad she looked. Oh dear. Her little girl had become attached. This was what she'd been afraid of. "We just had a little disagreement." That was really the only way she could explain it. "Don't worry yourself about it, okay?"

Mia wound her arms around Sasha's neck and pressed her cheek against hers. "I'm not worried, Mama. I know you'll work it out."

Sasha pulled back and gave her a feeble smile. "I hope so, baby."

The eight-year-old patted both sides of her mother's face. Her smile was as confident as the next words she spoke. "You will. You love each other."

-----------------

Gasp! Is Mia right?!

Kindly review guys! Thoroughly enjoying the feedback!

CHAPTER 31

[sxmbxdy-blog]

How To Kill A Zombie: Reuniting a Nation

“Run Yinde!” I heard Vic screaming as he sped past me. I glance over my shoulder to see about 25 Zombies running toward my direction. “Daw shit, what the fuck Vic!” I yelled at my partner in crime as we ran to the rabbit hole. “Why’d you let them out asshole?” I asked him just as we got in and closed the hole shut with the airlock. Vic bent over trying to catch his breath replied in a raspy voice “Tried..to..see..if……they…..responded….to..my…trolling…..” “Well what the fuck did you say to them?” asking another question of him still trying to regain his wind. Finally standing up as if no marathon were just ran and in a clear voice “I asked if they wanted my cock and balls.” He said followed by uncontrollable laughter from the other side of the room. Me and Vic both jumped back guns drawn to find the homies Nikkita, Darrio, Ernest, and David all sitting around the round table passing a blunt around. “I thought it smelled different in here.” Vic said as Nikkita walked up and gave both of us hugs.

“I see you guys found the hole.” Nikk said to us sarcastically. “Yeah that shit wasn’t easy you asshole, when the fuck did they let you out the penn though cuz?” I replied. “Ehh early release, I was on my way to be executed when all this shit started going down, nearly got ate up by one of them som’ bitches.” He said laughing.

Then he walked over to the wall where me and Vic had pinned the map he left us up. Laughing some more “You know this place wasn’t that easy to find, what kind of map is this anyways?” Victor asked him.

“I know how you like trolling, so I thought I’d troll you.” he said, ripping the map down and walking over to one of the torches lighting the wall to the round table. Grabbing it he then threw it onto the table sparking a fire in the center. “Come hither” he beckoned to us. “Looking at the front side of the map and showing it to the others, I noticed how much more detailed it was on the back in the fire light. “Nikk, you are the King Troll.” I said to him. For the front side only had a drawing of some woods and a train track, next to it was written the words, “Da Lawnz”. It looked like a 5 year old drew it. But the back, you could see the same picture, but with arrows leading through me and Vic’s old neighborhood of “Pear Tree” to the woods and a creek behind the neighboring neighborhood “Timberwoods”. Vic started to laugh hysterically.

……..

Eventually Nikk got to the point in why and how we all came to be reunited. He told of his journey from a prison he found to be located somewhere in the Redwood forest, how he traversed the whole US looking for “himself” and trying to find each of us. Some of this I couldn’t believe, and to my disbelief, my nigga Nikk walked through the back wall and came back into the room holding a child.

“This is little Staan guys.” He introduced a kid of about 5 or 6. My other half has been caring for him while I’ve been imprisoned. Little Staan waved at all of us and I swear I can’t make this shit up but, it was as though Lil Staan calmed all our minds.

“Yo, your fucking dreads and beard have turned back to black my nigga.” Vic said to me.

Again in disbelief I Kanye shrugged it off. Nikk continuted with his story.

“Being locked up I had a lot of time to meditate and see how things started to get fucked up after they took me away. I tried to warn them that they did not have the right to start delving in the Darkness without me or my permission. That’s just what caused this, the Government getting involved in my rise to power. I wasn’t doing it for my benefit, I was doing for the world, but no one man can have all that power.” He said, putting down we now know to be his son, and walking off as if he couldn’t bare to finish what he was going to say.

I eventually would go to the bathroom and see that my hair had in fact returned to its normal color. It had turned white from the stress of not knowing what the fuck was going on after shit had hit the fan. I mean I wasn’t even anywhere near my family. The only reason me and Vic were even miraculously together is due to us being at the original hideout, taking pictures of naked girls. They wanted to go for a smoke break and took the longest time to do so, I went to go see what was up and as soon as I opened the door of the storage unit “Yo yall ready to get back to work cuz?” I called out but was greeted by one of our models running and screaming. She ran in and closed the door. I was finally able to see that she was leaking blood very badly so I take my coat and try to stop the blood flow to no prevail. “What the fuck happened out there?” I asked her, but her hysterical crying, followed by her eyes rolling up into her head and her body going cold and limp. I did not get my answer. So me and Vic are standing over a dead body, Vic gets the idea to sit her up right against the white back round and have me squatting next to her with the bat dripping with her blood.

“I’m gonna call this session ‘We don’t save these Hoes'” Vic said before taking a massive amount of pictures. I then remembered we had two models, and finally the other model showed up standing behind Vic dripping blood and looking at us hungrily.

“Vic, don’t turn around just duck when I start to run to you” I tell him.

“Why?” He asked. I charge the other model and she charges at me but is greeted by my bat. Her head spurting blood all over the hideout, I continuously bash this bitches head in. Out of nowhere, I hear a faint sound of explosions and the ground started shaking. I run outside to see planes zooming through, troops parachuting to the ground, people running around screaming.

“Fuck, Nikk was right.” I thought to myself and run back inside to get Vic, we had to get the fuck out of there.

“So, bombs are being dropped.” I say to Vic. “So, what your telling me is that Nikk was right?” He replied.

“Nikk was fucking right, he gave me this map though.” And I pulled out the fucked up map he left us. I realized now he was training us with this map. We passed with flying colors for solving its riddle with out knowing it was a fairly easy map to follow. All this happened some six months ago, me and Vic have been holding out in this small cave in the woods. Nikk did a good job in preparing it for us though.

I walk back into the room to find Nikk had rejoined the table.

Continuing what he couldn’t finish. “I’m going to get to the point, only we can save the world guys, are you in or out?” He asked everyone around the table. Lil Staan sitting on his father’s shoulders “I wanna help daddy.” he said to his father. “I need you most of all my child.” he replied setting him on his lap and looking back at us, waiting for an answer.

“We’re in, we’re fucking in.” Ernest said for himself and David putting his hand over the fire, David following suit.

“Yeah, I guess I could save the world.” Darrio said, he too putting his hand over the fire joining, Ernest, David, Nikk, and Lil Staan.

“Let’s do it baby.” Vic said putting his hand over the fire. “What about you Ayinde?” Nikk asked me, you in dawg, it wouldn’t be right without you.

Contemplating the fact that I had the potential to be one of the realest niggas ever in the history of history. I thrust my hand over the fire, and to my surprise, it was pretty damn cold. “You already know cuz.” I replied to him finally.

“Good, I call this the first official meeting of Staans Hands a rap.” Then the fire went out, and the wall behind Nikk began to open and light poured into the round table room. Women and children laughing and being merry, it looked like the Pueblos in the South West. An even bigger cave than the one me and Vic have been living in, Nikk had saved this many people, there had to be at least three to five hundred other people in here, men, women, children, of all nationalities all thriving and living together as if the end of the world was what needed to happen for us to come together. Nikk always told me he feared for that, and tried to speak on it publicly but was only laughed at. He worked his ass off and got his college degree so people would take him a little more serious, he even had a blog with stories about a zombie apocalypse happening, I could never imagine it really happening.

There were no guns, only melee weapons, there were open classes taught by Nikk’s other half, Katherine, whom I put two and two together realizing this was Little Staans mother. I got kinda sad at the fact that it really did take all this fucked up shit just for people to believe in my nigga Nikk.

“I go by Kk St’Van now a days.” Nikk said to me as though he’d been reading my mind. “Or just Kk. Call me whatever makes you happy, for I am what you say I am, and I love all of you.” He said before him and Lil Staan walked up to Katherine, him pulling her to him and giving her a kiss that made everyone stop and stare.

All the people then gathered around my niggas family, me and the rest of the guys followed suit. “I’m sorry I’ve been gone so long, I’ve been out trying to gather my remaining friends so that we can finally begin to take back the world from the Government and these undead fucks they brought up without my permission. These cowards are just floating away watching this all go down from an orbiting civilization unit that I built to start populating the universe. It’s time for us to fight, and take back what is rightfully yours!” Kk spoke with the ferocity of the alpha male in a pack of wolves, it were as if he were howling at the moon. All the people in attendance just began to yell in agreement with what was just said to them.

He then called us up to stand with him and everyone dropped to their knees, when I reached the small hill he was standing on, and looked over the massive crowd of people, my eyes eventually met with a huge mural on the cave wall just over were we came in through. It was this very scene of us standing with Kk. I could tell he must of painted it himself because of how bad it was drawn. But I could only admire the scene. It was too surreal. He painted his own prophecy, he was going to write his own history. He became a God to the people in a sense. I really could do nothing but drop to my knees, as did the rest of the crew, even Katherine and Little Staan.

“Stand up all of you, we are equal!” He yelled at everyone in the room. “I should bow down to you if anyone is to do so, I could not and can not do this with out all of you.”

All I could think was “Damn, I’m really gong to learn how to kill a zombie.”

[survivorelara]

Episode #1: “So thank you Gods and Goddesses.” -Ci’ere

three people on this tribe are 100% pros they have mangastars as their pfp im scared

Okay, this is my second time typing this because I accidentally deleted the first attempt ASDF. Hello every1 out there 👽 I'm so thrilled to be playing Elara because I know that the hosts are going to make this an awesome experience! We began our journey about an hour & a half ago, but something tremendous has already occured... I happened to snatch the Zosma idol on my first guess! Something about the placement of the 39th star spoke to me & luck was definitely on my side, so thank you celestial gods and goddesses! I’m kind of wondering if the idol locations & the iconic phrase “18 people, 39 days, 1 Survivor” have any correlation. Hmm. :O Even though I have some power to fall back on now, I don’t wanna have to rely on the idol to save myself so I’m stepping up to the plate socially to hopefully solidify myself in this group. I was hyped before, but this hype train has went through the ceiling!

Not only am I in this game with like many other Facebook ORGers.... I'm the least popular of them all. Like I see Emma, Ci'ere, Andrea and Toby... like they have a good friend group and people generally like them. Me on the other hand, I get easily annoyed with certain people and groups within this community and I have been told that I am a rainy and dark cloud. I mean, LOVE the comparison... but when you're in a "scavenger hunt" and one of the things is to get 50 reactions on a post and I average about 5-6... it ain't looking good for this bitch. And ITS ONLY DAY 1.

Great question. I am trying to figure that out. I realize not knowing discord puts me at s disadvantage. Let’s hope we win till I can figure it out.

Well I like this tribe, I'm feeling good about things at the moment, I've talked to loris, Andreaa, and John who I had a prior relationship with. They all seem nice enough. I'm hoping to make more connections with people in the near future, because with only 6 people on the tribe I need to make ABSOLUTE sure I'm in the numbers.

I'm such a flop, I did almost all my voice recordings on my phone while I accidentally left voice chat on. My Computer Mic isn't great and it was only for a little while, nobody said anything, so I don't know if anybody caught anything I might have said for the challenge, but the worst thing that might have been caught was my statement about Dani

We're approaching the end of Day 1 and I don't think I've made much progress with anyone other than John... this tribe is very quiet, and I don't know if that's due to many different timezones, or inactivity, or what have you. Regardless I'm a little worried about this challenge, but hopefully a win can be pulled out.

Its so quiet dawg

ok i love selfie scavenger hunts so this challenge is great. as for my tribe mates, roxy and i are in F6 in atomic together, so thats a interesting. Drew H was in that season and like. i have no idea what our relationship is going to be like ydgfs. the only person who I haven't talked to at all is Odd. i should get on that

Oh these motherfuckers think they got me found. They think they know me. Expect drama.

My tribe is ducking stacked with people I like so this is hot hopefully we can get this scav hunt done and get max point WEW

Well. I’m doing another one. Do I have the time? Nope! Is this a good idea? No ma’am/sir. But I’m doing it anyway. This is an...interesting tribe for me to be on. I have my one true love, Sam Drachus, and a tribe of people that probably don’t know he’s my husband. Of course, a pregame relationship never equates to an ingame relationship necessarily, so I will not rest in my socialisation (especially given I will have ass for physical game for a while). Louise I’ve hosted twice, Ci’ere I’ve hosted and played with. Dani and Brian I don’t really know properly but they seem very inactive. I am quite sure we will lose this challenge, but hopefully I can be active and bond-build enough to be Victorious!!

i hate this challenge because im so lazy

hi!! so my social game is going pretty good so far, i'm v tight with andrea, emma and i said we don't want each other to go, john's an icon and i like talking to zach. kori doesn't talk a lot so he'll probably be an ez boot. also i think im gonna end up with the most points for our immunity so that'll probably let me be spared if we do end up losing :)))). ALSO,,,,,,,,, i found the legacy advantage bc i clicked on seamus' manga on the tumblr?? of course they hid it behind the ugly one... no one looks there.

So our first challenge is a cute scavenger hunt & one of the 10 point items is getting 50 likes on a FB post. When I initially made the post, only a few people reacted to it so I knew I was going to have to do something drastic in order to get more people’s attention. I stole Nicki Minaj’s brand & started running KWEENT (6 letters Jack :p) Radio! I put in a lot of work to get people to help me out, but I also wanted to have fun with it & in the end it paid off. I’mma bit worried however since only Louise, Sam & I have made contributions to the challenge thus far. We don’t have that much time left & there’s still three empty columns... I’ve been talking a lot to Dani who I find I probably relate to the most. They made it pretty far in the actual Survivor casting process & they have also been talking to Sam. Sam is so nice & has that straight male humor, YEET. Louise is obviously a kween & we’ve played together before so I think I could work something out with her? Toby’s timezone & schedule is tough to work through, but I think I might be able to charm him up hehe. Brian is the only person that hasn’t shown any sign of life so I’ve been pushing for him, but of course he shows up now ASDFG.

Did so many challenges but have trouble uploading to gdoc

Anxiety is a bitch. Like I already have alot of it due to work and school, but for us to be submitting things for the scavenger hunt last minute... that made my heart quicken a bit more than needed. ESPECIALLY if your video links for the video portion of the hunt DON'T WORK. Like wth ODD? Like if you're gonna submit late.. like at least check the damn links so you can actually win the points for the videos that you are submitting. OH AND IN OTHER WORDS. I didn't think Jack was gonna view my poem to him. And he watched it. I have no words. Like let me die of embarrassment because I am flummoxed with a straight man once again in my life. ALL FOR 6 MEASLY POINTS IN A GAME! LIKE WHAT THE FUCK!?

That's so FETCH! Even with Odd's bumbling incapabilities, he can make us get a narrow win for reward! Maybe my frustrations were misplaced with him! But I am glad that I will not be the first boot and get to stay here for another 3 days or so! Pumped!

well just as i thought,,, TRASH this tribe has good people that i like but apart from ci'ere CHILEEEEEEE we sucked so bad we didn't deserve to win. I think it's brian that's going tbh he wasn't active till the last 4? hours of the comp and people have already said if we lose it's him so yikes guess that's what is happening.

we won the challenge which is actually surprising. Odd's links didn't work but if they did I would've had the lowest score. I was gonna do so much more but my phone won't charge !! and i went to a college fair ok. I love how i said i was good at comps during my live interview. i swear im not a liar hosts

Woo we won, I put a fair amount of work in, so I'm glad we got results... unfortunately it didn't REALLY matter because of how badly the losing tribe did.

I think I have a decent shot of making a 4-person alliance with John, Andrea, and Loris. Hopefully I can get that going through. Emma is LIKELY the weak link on the tribe, which is fine by me she has yet to talk to me really, so I'd have no qualms voting her out.

I have a funny story. I spent a half hour walking and  looking for a license plate with ce on it. I had to use scooter plates. Half the cars only have one letter. When I finally found the plate parked in front of a restaurant . I got on one knee to take the pic. It was night so flash went out. A guy came out and demanded I delete the photo. Not kidding. He was not happy. I couldn’t explain what I was doing. I deleted it. He drove away. I was really bummed. So I got on my motorcycle and drove to the university where I knew there were hundreds of scooters. I slowly drove while looking on both sides of the parking lot. I must of looked at more than 500 plates. Finally I found one. Guess what? It was the same scooter from earlier. This time the guy not around. I was still really nervous like I was breaking the law. When the flash went off I was waiting for the guy to start running at me. He didn’t. Success.

Well, I'm a bit scared. Apparently, Sam has already found something? Or someone has... Item 39 purportedly received the "There was something there, but isn't anymore" treatment, which is Scary AF! Like, if someone has an idol THIS early in the game...if I got idol'd out THIS early in the game!!

But, I suspect that whatever was hidden in Position 39 was not, in fact, an idol, but was rather some clue or aspect to the idol system. 50 possibilities isn't enough of a competition space for an idol search, right? I mean, I bloody hope so because the alternative is that a Zosma idol is already flying around at the literal first tribal council and, man, I don't need that paranoia right now.

Winning this challenge was way easier than I expected, I figure some inactive is about to die on the other tribe so no worries there. I had a blast this thing is gonna be a fun time if the challenges continue to be similar to this.

Well it's day 2, John and Andreaa seem on board for an alliance, now all I need is to hear what Loris thinks and if he seems on board, I've got my 4-some right there. Which'll leave Emma and Big Z on the outs. Which is fine, we could even split the votes in case of an idol if we felt like it.

But I can't afford to get too comfortable, players can be real snakes and I can't let myself be too trusting. I just have to work on being super relateable and someone people feel comfortable talking to.

I just hope I didn't start "talking game" too early…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onr3BoPGJzA

I guess I cast assess now! Loris: he is a mood and playing hard but he likes me so for now we r gucci. He is super fun to talk to and we share idol guesses so hes aight! I dont want to work long term with him. Kori: Yikes. He's super inactive but he was like i like u lets form an alliance so ofc I'm like ok. He left me on read on the first day and randomly offered and im like k wyd i wasnt born yesterday Emma: Queen? I knew her before this we used to be married until she deactivated and I divorced her but like that literally not even the point. Shes kinda  inactive and very on the bottom besides Kori so I'm hoping I can convince Loris to keep her if we go to tribal twice. Big Z: Ok I have never met him before now but OMG ive heard so much about him AND I LOVE HIM!!! I get the hype and then some. I wish we talked more. I 100% would not vote him or Emma out rn. John: he's cool! I havent talked to him too much but were in an alliance Basically im really happy we won LMAO. I am in an alliance I have no plans of following through with. life is interesting. I may just go off the rails. I am predicting Brian goes home because Zosma is a facebook clusterfuck right now.

I’m winning this org... I’m in a silly alliance with kori Andrea and John that I’m not gonna take seriously but kori probably will... me and Andrea are rlly good allies and I have the legacy??? give me my money

We lost the challenge by a landslide. https://tenor.com/view/davonne-rogers-pretends-to-be-gif-6175133

Zosma was 400+ points behind the other tribes so they really did snatch us huh. I’m happy to hear that they’re active though unlike some of my tribemates for the past two days l m a o. I scored more than half of our aggregate, so I think I should be set to survive this vote.

Toby wants to share idol info and I can’t decline that so I gave him fake receipts hehe. He also stated that I’m the person he’s connected to the most. Sam says that I’m easy to talk to as well, so I think my social game is going pretty well at the moment!

Sam wants to vote for anybody that isn’t him & he also said he loved me 😳 L i s t e n: love is a BIG word (to me at least) & you can’t just throw it out to anyone & their mother, Sam. Louise is in the same mindset as myself as she’s talked to Toby/Dani more than Brian so let’s just snipe Brian right? Well, Toby comes to me after scoring 0 & says he has a “gut feeling” that we should vote out Dani because Brian is preoccupied with Mount Olympus. Does that make any sense? We just lost the challenge by an extremely large margin & you want to keep the person that doesn’t prioritize this game? Go to sleep Toby, you’re drunk. I guess it’s hard to judge who will be more active since it’s only round uno. Dani was present, but only sent in one thing…& Brian had internet problems. I had a great conversation with Dani the first day, but it’s day three now. Should I stick my neck out for him? I told Toby what he wanted to hear because it was 3AM for him & he wanted to sleep, but there’s still a lot of time left & I want Brian dead.

I need to talk to people more often hn

I mean this vote is as simple as it gets, it's basically a battle of which inactive should we kick. Most votes seem to be going on brian, which I do feel bad about cuz I love him in mount Olympus and feel he could easily be a number to drag. but at the same time he's been so inactive to the point where he'll probs just die at a swap or something. I feel bad for toby since he already voted dani but im sure he'd understand with all the timezone differences, I would like dani to go but if brian stayed, we would probs lose again then he would just leave so rip

Hi!! It's me john coffey!!! So I love the theme of my tribe being like  the emotional players and I love the vibe of all my tribemates. However I know that the emotional players are also sometimes the messiest players because I forsure fall into that category sometimes!! So far I have just been trying to chill tf out and get to know people, and use the scavenger hunt to show that I really want to be here. I may not have as much to offer in future tribe challenges so I like being able to use scavenger hunts to really go ham. I got the highest score on our tribe and I think the second highest behind Roxy so woo! Now let's move on to my fellow tribe mates. Kori - the only person I was familiar with going into this game. I played with him in my most recent game where he witnessed me win. We had a good bond the entire game but he also voted for me when he thought I was the majority vote, setting aside any connection I had made with him, so that is always kinda going to be on my mind in this game. But as of now he is the person I trust the most. Andrea - I LOVE her! We bonded quickly over being messes so that's always fun. I could see myself growing close with her in this game. Loris- I really like him, I always like British guys LOL it's been kinda difficult getting to talk to him at a time that works for both of us but I really like him so far Emma- she hosted me a few years ago though I didn't know it was her at first, I like her but haven talked to her as much as the others Big z - I like him though we haven't talked too much but I immediately see him as my biggest threat at this point. Just something about him idk.

As far as other tribe members go - drew Heuser is one of my favorite people to have played orgs with. He was the reason I was first boot in my first Tumblr game but has remained a dear friend of mine ever since. I met him in person and he's the besssst. If I have a chance to play with him I'm excited to see what the outcome will be.

https://youtu.be/TfQ4Xmeb2J8

Brian is voted out 5-1.