#I wanna replay his intro quest

[steve-brules-rules]

Can we just talk about Dasein’s side eye game, because oh my god

[yakuzadumpingground]

Well since I'm feeling contrarian I'm gonna rank all of the yakuza games I've played (which is everything except the original 1 and 2, Dead Souls, and the Japan only games) which is guaranteed to piss someone off. Starting with the best-

1. Yakuza 0

Ok, not a controversial choice. I'm sorry. But the general consensus is correct. On top of having one of the best stories in the series, a really fun combat system (albeit not very challenging, but it's not like i play yakuza for challenge), and some of the most memorable sidestories, the setting really gives this game a certain style that nothing else in the series has. Also, one of the few yakuza games that's decently paced. Honestly, most of my complaints about this game are nitpicks (such as how grindy maxing out your character is) it's just a kind of boringly perfect game, really.

2. Yakuza: Like a Dragon

"BuT iT's TuRn-BaSeD" ok cool guess you're just gonna miss out on a fantastic fucking game. I gotta say, it was a real hard choice between "I wanna see the side stories" and "I GOTTA know what happens next in the story" sometimes. I don't know else I can say about this game: great story, great characters, just a great time. Admittedly, as an RPG it.... needs work. The encounter rate is WAAAY too high and the job class system is pretty busted. Even still, the genre change is a breath of fresh air and honestly pretty charming at times. Play this, goddamn

3. Yakuza Kiwami 2

It was a real toss up between Kiwami 2 and the game in the 4th slot, but in the end, Kiwami 2 wins by being more consistently enjoyable. Unlike the first two games on this list I can't say Kiwami 2 had a good story exactly, but I can say it's an entertaining one. I was rarely bored playing this, and in terms of sheer fun, Kiwami 2 wins that crown. I was *howling* at the ending, my God.

4. Yakuza 5

I'm of two minds when it comes to this game. On the one hand, some of my favorite stuff is in this game. The intro is very unusual but hit me in a weird way that really stuck with me. It finally made Saejima likable. Playable Haruka. Shinada, my beloved. On the other hand, while Yakuza games having pacing problems is pretty much the norm, whoo boy does yakuza 5 test your patience. Sloths move at the speed of fleas on meth compared to this game. Also, the actual overarching story is pretty weak and uninteresting. It's really best viewed as a collection of loosely connected stories. This game definitely has it's flaws, but the high points more than make up for them

5. Yakuza 6

Someone's gonna get mad that this game isn't lower, I'm sure. Yeah, it's flawed. It's not best send off for Kiryu. It's lacking in content. The ending is fucking terrible. But there's still plenty here to love. I love Onomichi, it's honestly one of my favorite locations in this series, even if there's nothing to do in it. It's just wonderful to look at and walk around in. I like the Onomichi cast. Beat Takeshi is there. Having Kiryu's saga cap off with a game about family is a great idea, and until this game's awful fucking ending it's a touching exploration of that theme. But fuck this game's ending. Seriously.

6. Yakuza 3

This is... a weird one. I can both see why the fanbase rejected it at the time and why fan appraisal has gotten so much kinder to this game. Like y6 (honestly y6 is really an unofficial remake of this game) it's a game about family. That being said, I rank it lower than 6 because of the relatively lower stakes and weak plot. It takes a long time for the main plot to actually start, and honestly it can take it's dear sweet time. Whenever I was going main story quests all I can think was about how much I'd rather be dinking around doing mundane shit for the kids. But I can't say this game isn't charming as hell. It's really one of the few times you really see Kiryu as just a... guy. Raising his kids, just living his life. For a series all about high octane melodrama, slice of life is a welcome change of pace

7. Judgment

Ooh, HERE'S the controversial take! Yeah, I didn't really care for Judgment. Judgment is the opposite of y3, where instead the main plot is actually very interesting but we spend. So. Much. Time. On. Bullshit. It's not a short game either. I spent so much of this game wondering when we're getting to the goddamn fireworks factory. Putting the pacing problems aside, the characters are fun but apart from Yagami and arguably Sugiura they don't get much in the way of meaningful development (it feels like Higashi's character arc is almost entirely off screen). The "detective" gameplay is meaningless fluff and adds nothing (note to game developers: tailing missions always suck. They sucked in Assassin's Creed and they suck here) and the attempt to bring back style changing is half-baked. I didn't hate my time with this game, but it left me underwhelmed

8. Yakuza Kiwami

This was actually my first yakuza game. And thank goodness Kiryu is hot because this game is... rough. First off, the story is just not very good. It spends a lot of time with tedious red herrings and extraneous shit with characters we don't care about. I honest to God had a hard time following the plot on my first playthrough because the cast is like 90% unmemorable middle aged Japanese men that show up like once in the first hour and then once in the last (but you're expected to remember them). It doesn't fare any better gameplay wise. It does make one good decision, bringing back style changing, but then for some reason they decided to make every boss fight an awful chore by having them regenerate their hp several times a fight (unless you happen to have the heat to do a heat action, and even then they regen hp so fast it may not help that much). What. The fuck. This snowballs into the Majima Everywhere which... look. I know. Goromi. But this system is still one where you have to fight a boss over and over and over again (in a game where fighting bosses is a chore). I've seen people slide off the series after going from 0 to kiwami, and that sucks. Maybe it was best i started here; if I liked this game, I'll probably like the rest

But there's one game I'd say that'd worse

9. Yakuza 4

When I played Yakuza 4 the first time, it was the ps3 version and I hadn't played 3 yet (it was more expensive.) So when I replayed 4 it was after playing 3, and honestly I was appreciating the game a lot more. After the slog of 3 it was nice to have a game with a snappier pace. And Akiyama was a fun change of pace. Him and Hana have a fun dynamic. I remembered not liking this game; was I too harsh? Could I have appreciated 4 more if I could see the improvements from 3? Then I got to Saejima's section then I remembered why I don't like this game. Honestly, I could go ON about how much Saejima's part sucks, it is easily the worst time I've had playing a yakuza game. I'll spare you that novel for now tho. And from here, the game never really recovers. We move on to Tanimura, the worst yakuza protagonist by the sheer virtue of how boring he is. By the time Kiryu shows up again I was so damned thrilled to see him. But he doesn't really save this game. Yakuza plots are usually convoluted and sometimes hard to follow, but 4's just gets exhausting to keep up with. By the time you get to your 28th betrayal you just can't care anymore. And it all caps off with a lazy fucking ending and the absolute worst final boss fight in the series. Oh Curryman. You deserve a better game.

[silver-wield]

Final Fantasy 7R review

I finished the game this morning and I already have regrets that there’s nothing left for me to do besides replay and anxiously wait for news of the next installment. I want more. I want to not have finished it yet. I need to know what happens next, not just in the updated story, but with the game mechanics, too. I’m happy the team is taking their time to make the game as good as it deserves to be, but on the other hand I wanna throw a toddler tantrum demanding the rest of my game! 

Beware, spoilers.

The bad stuff

To be fair, not a lot from where I’m sitting. I’ve seen people bitch about textures and how the scrap yards don’t look dynamic enough and some stuff is flat, but seriously, why are yall looking at the walls? They’re the least interesting thing about the game and you’re just nitpicking. The graphics overall were amazing and I stopped multiple times just to rotate the camera and take in this massive city we actually get to really explore for the first time ever!

I have to admit a slight disappointment in the amount of space, verbally, that was happening. There were times where I expected characters to make comments and they said nothing. Things were overlooked or just not addressed and it wasn’t even anything plot related, just a point where there could have been dialogue and it didn’t happen. It wasn’t often, but those few times the air was left dead I noticed it. The most notable time was in chapter 17, right after Sephiroth appeared on the gangway. Now, I get them being too shocked to say anything when he’s right in front of them, but after, when they separate and fall into two groups? Nothing? No comment? Tifa, I definitely expected to say something in a shocked tone, but even after they found Cloud again, she didn’t mention it. It was like the moment didn’t happen. I know the other times nobody else but Cloud saw him, but this time they saw him, and he’s linked to Tifa’s past too, so she definitely should’ve had some kind of comment in that empty space.

That was the only major point, but other small ones were when people were talking and one character remains silent. The only one I expect to never speak if he doesn’t have to is Cloud. Because it’s Cloud. Everyone else should have something to say. Like when they climbed the stairs. If you took the stairs - I was all done in from so many fights and just wanted a break - then you got hilarious commentary from Barret, Cloud and Tifa. It showed how close they’ve become. Cloud made a joke! His second one of the game! If you missed the first, it’s likely because you obsessed over him going on about money all the time and saying that’s all he cares about when he’s with Tifa. So, yeah, after being shown how the group can talk to each other and banter I’m hoping Square adds more chatter to the next game. I know some people prefer less chatter, but this is a group of people who are supposed to be shown as friends, so conversation is important.

The other thing that got on my nerves was the mechanics of the weapons upgrade. Unless I missed a shortcut, having to go out of each one and then into the next one instead of just switching over to the next weapon’s skill tree. It took a long time to level things up and I wish there was an option in the auto to just unlock every skill one at a time, so they’d do it on auto without me having to go in there. And the ATB. That got on my nerves. I’m lazy af, so I’d like for action to just pause whenever someone’s atb fills so I can give them a command and then go back to the battle instead of having one eye on all the atbs. It’s probably more classic than Square wants to go with it, but having that as a battle option would be nice and a further throwback to the old style of gameplay.

The good

Everything from chapter 3 onwards. The intro chapters were good, too, but I really just wanted to dig into the game and that didn’t happen until chapter 3. The VAs killed it! Graphics were amazing! The weapon abilities were fun and added something different to the regular gameplay style of just grabbing the next strongest weapon. Side quests were enjoyable and I wish there was more of them, especially a save the citizens for after the plate fell. That really would've hammered home the tragedy.

The story

I’ve seen people - mostly OG fans - bashing the new elements. Sure, the whispers are a weird angle to come at it from, but the explanation for them, that they’re trying to maintain the OG storyline, made for an interesting twist on a 25 year old story. Sephiroth’s early appearance was just something that had to happen, along with a Jenova fight, because, come on, this section of the OG was like 3hrs worth of content and this is 40hrs, so ofc they had to include new things and it matches with the new storyline and I think people need to release their death grip on the OG storyline and enjoy this game for what it is. 

I found the ripple effect(?) interesting too. From what we learned, the OG happened in the future. If things hadn’t changed that’s the future everyone was heading towards. Ok, cool, pretty simple. 

This timeline had small changes. Biggs, Wedge and Jessie survived!? Or did Wedge finally get shoved off a building at the end, I really couldn’t tell if he bought it that time, but if he did I’m mad cause he was adorable. The plate falling didn’t have as big a casualty number as originally, either. And Hojo almost spilled the beans to Cloud early, but was cut off, and that’s the other thing Cloud ignored in dialogue afterwards, but it’s Cloud, so we’ll give him a security pass for that. The others ignoring his Ptsd induced freak outs isn't cool though and I expect Square to fix that level of callousness towards him from the others.

Those are the only two changes from the OG. Sephiroth showing up early instead of in Nibelheim doesn’t really matter. He’s his usual cryptic asshole self and his goal is unchanged. The team just knows he’s the big bad earlier now and have a solid goal instead of just randomly wandering after they leave Midgar. So, yeah, does Biggs, Wedge and Jessie living make a big difference overall? Will that ripple from them being alive make further changes?

We also saw that Zack survived because of our team, but the Zack in their timeline is still dead. I think we saw it this way because the planet is trying to find a way to prevent being hit with Meteor and ending up with geostigma, so the OG timeline, everything was still bad. Our timeline gives possibilities for a slightly better future and then the timeline behind it - the one with Zack - offers even better odds, not that we’ll see that. That’s the timeline I think Aerith will live through, so that way Square can say Aerith lives, just not in the game we play now.

Shipping

I’m not into wars, so if you love Aerith, cool good for you, I was focused on building affinity with Tifa and Square didn’t disappoint! There were so many romantic moments between them! And damn do they have chemistry! I squeed at such a high pitch the dog next door started howling! All the small touches, longing looks, affection, support, trust and OMGOSH IT WAS JUST THE BEST!!! They were so damn cute!!

I have no idea how the game changes if you focus on Aerith and to be honest I don’t want to. I think that’s what I love about the options for that. You can choose and no one can say your choice isn’t valid. 

One thing though, I would like an end to it because it’s 25 years of people arguing and it’s made the entire fandom toxic af and it’s actually the reason I avoid most of the final fantasy discourse because people can’t be civil to each other. Square should finally say once and for all that Cloud/ is canon and the other isn’t, instead of throwing a bone to them and being all “maybe if things were like this”, like no, pull on your big boy pants, Square, man tf up like Barret on a mission, and tell people who is the canon pairing in this damn game so people can just stfu and enjoy playing it without getting flamed.

This is why I want a FF8R because at least there’s no doubt who the couple is in that one.

Smol stuff

I’ve seen complaints about new characters being 1 dimensional, but they’re new characters in a game series that’s a trilogy, so they’re likely gonna appear again. Roche seemed added not just to give Cloud a boss to fight in the bike event, but also to show there’s other SOLDIERs beyond Cloud and Zack and the ones from Crisis Core, which not everyone has played.

Same goes for Leslie. I liked that dude and I’m interested to see him pop up again. His design wasn’t the typical bad guy henchman, easily disposed, thank you very much for playing. He has a story and I’m betting that’s not the last we see of him.

Again, same goes for Cloud’s infantry buddies. I’ve not played CC, but I get they’re from that, so will we see them again at some point? What about other CC characters?

Best Bits

Cloud in a dress. “Nailed it, thank you, moving on.”

Cloud dancing. Boy got moves and I wanna see him dance again!

Cloud/Tifa. Complimenting her like a smooth mutherfucker.

Cloud/Tifa Battle couple. They were my absolute favourite fighting combo and definitely kicked all the ass!

Cloud/Tifa. All the shipping bits, but especially jumping off the train and then trusting her to go kick Corneo’s ass. That’s how you show you know your girl

Wedge. Kitty momma

Biggs death. Damn you, Square, you got me all choked up.

Red. Specifically the bit where he highfived Barret with his tail lool

Barret. “Damn it, Red.”

Reno. Just Reno in general killed me. Love his conscience though and that he’s not a 1 trick pony.

Tifa/Aerith. Had more chemistry than Aerith/Cloud. Yeah, I said it. 

Barret and Marlene. Such a good daddy! His expression with her was like a whole different person!

Aerith bitchslapping a would-be rapist with a chair.

Cloud/Tifa/Aerith teamup to threaten Don Corneo’s balls - though I only include Aerith since she was there and she was about as threatening as a cupcake.

Conclusion

I want moar! I really hope the next one comes out soon! It’s not the same as OG, but has the best bits of OG along with something new to bring in a new generation of fans. The alt timeline angle feels fresh and open to possibilities and I’m excited to play this game for what it is, instead of comparing it and demanding for the OG like a crusty whisper lool