#I truly understand it from a coding perspective but don’t set up dialogue that leads the player to think they can if they can’t!!!!!

[oceanatydes]

the fundamental misunderstanding of polyamory as cheating makes me want to bite metal like y’all do not understand polyamory at all!!!!!!!!

[quu-kii]

Jake Gyllenhaal Filmography Ranking

My personal ranking of all Jake Gyllenhaal movies from October Sky onwards with some brief thoughts on each of the movies. Honestly the exact number ranking of these movies is probably not super accurate and could be liable to changes, but I tried my best with the ordering.  

Amazing Tier (My favorites)

1. Brokeback Mountain - This is such an emotional and heartbreaking movie. I knew it was going to have a sad ending going into it, but still I was not prepared for how strongly it hit me in the feels. And it’s not just the ending that is sad; you can tell that the love between the two leads is doomed from less than the midpoint of the movie, and it keeps going downhill from there. Overall, I think the movie is a perfect tragic love story. As well, there’s this very subtle and natural feeling to the whole movie that is difficult to describe but works really well. There’s just something truly special about this movie that makes me want to place it as the #1 best of Jake’s movies.

2. Nightcrawler - A highly suspenseful movie with an amazing lead performance by Jake as the sociopathic lead character Lou Bloom. Jake is really a big part of what makes the movie great, as he is such a strong focus of it. Lou acts so off, but it’s just impossible to take your eyes off him, and he is so interesting to watch since you keep wondering what he will do next. The other part of what makes this movie great is the writing and dialogue. There are just so many memorable and great lines, especially for Lou. Along with these factors, the subject matter of the movie, that of the career of selling violent news footage to news stations, is pretty unique, and there are some interesting ideas and themes in the movie as well relating to success and the news media. Overall I really love this movie. If there’s one thing I would say I might not like about the movie, it is the music. It can have an uplifting and hopeful vibe in dark scenes, which lessens the tense mood of some scenes. But I understand that the music was made to reflect Lou’s mood in the scene, which is a very interesting decision in itself and helps add to Lou’s character, since you can notice the contrast between how disturbing the scenarios he is in are and how Lou himself feels in such scenarios. So I at least admire the music for this aspect.

3. Enemy - A tense and psychological movie. I really love the heavy and surreal atmosphere of this movie, added to by the yellowish filter which is present throughout the whole movie as well as the score, which is ominous and used to amazing effect in the movie to enhance the dark mood. Also, I think this movie is both enjoyable when taken in at face value, being about a man who finds that there is a doppelganger of himself, and when looking deeper at what the “real” story is, taking into account the symbolism and various small details placed throughout the movie. It’s an interesting movie to think about due to its openness to interpretation. And lastly, Jake does a great job playing the two lead characters in the movie; despite the characters looking the same, they give off quite a very different vibe.

4. Spider-Man: Far from Home - My favorite MCU movie. I love so many things about this movie: how it deals with the aftermath of the Blip in a light way, how it deals with Peter Parker’s character after Endgame and his desire to just be able to have a normal life, the overall story, the setting being Europe and having this fresh vacation feeling, the fight scenes, and of course Mysterio. Along with this, it has great music (especially Mysterio’s theme) and probably the best mid credits and post credits scenes in the MCU due to their plot relevance. All of the characters are very likeable too, from Peter and all his classmates and teachers to others like Nick Fury and Mysterio, which is important to me since likable characters is one of the most important aspects to me in any kind of story. This movie was such a pleasant surprise after Endgame, which was a great disappointment to me. Also, this movie is special to me because it’s how I discovered the awesomeness of Jake and thus indirectly the reason why I watched all his movies and made this list in the first place. I’m not sure if a future MCU movie can top this for me, but who knows.

 Great Tier

5. Nocturnal Animals - A harsh movie with an interesting structure of having two main stories, with one of the stories being a story within the main story (I will call this story the 2nd story for brevity). I think the 2nd story is where the movie really shines. This story was so tense and much more interesting to follow compared to the main story, and Jake portrayed the emotions of anguish and despair so well in it. It’s also interesting to think about how the 2nd story links with the main story, which gives more depth to the overall story of the movie. I find this and Brokeback Mountain to be the most emotionally harrowing of Jake’s movies, which is definitely a compliment since I admire when a work is able to make me feel so strongly. Also, I have to note that I disliked that there was a random jumpscare in the middle of the movie. It doesn’t lower my opinion of the movie, but I really don’t like jumpscares and did not expect one in this movie.

6. Source Code - A really solid sci-fi movie about Jake’s character repeating through a time loop. It is the only Jake movie to make me cry due to me being a sucker for tragic scenarios involving time loops/parallel worlds. It was just a very engaging movie to watch due to the intriguing premise and the very good execution of said premise.

7. Zodiac - I didn’t know that this movie was based off true events until almost the end of it. So the whole time, I was expecting there to be a conclusive ending when there was no way this would be the case, since the Zodiac killer case to this day hasn’t been solved. Because of this, I felt initially disappointed about this movie from a story perspective, since all the clues from the movie seemed to lead to nothing. This is my biggest “flaw” about the movie (and it’s not really the movie’s fault), but this factor aside I really liked this movie. Jake, RDJ, and Mark Ruffalo are all great in it, and I love murder mysteries so much, so the story had me hooked on this alone. It’s so interesting to watch the characters piece together clues for the case and try to unravel the mystery, as well as seeing how the case progresses (or well, doesn’t progress at times) over the years. Also, this movie just feels really good to watch; as in, the scenes and shots flow together so well. It’s a great movie overall I think.

8. The Sisters Brothers - A western with a kind of laid back feel to it. Also supposedly it is a comedy, but I found it not funny at all. It’s not that I see the movie attempting jokes and find that they don’t work; it’s more like I don’t see the attempt at humor at all, unless maybe it’s kind of a weird dark humor thing. Anyways, I really like this movie, and it’s mostly because I really like the main four characters and their dynamics with each other. Jake does a great job playing his character John Morris and has an accent which is pleasant to my ears, though I was sad that he (as well as Riz Ahmed) wasn’t in the movie more. Even though I was watching the movie for Jake, I found myself liking John C. Reilly’s and Joaquin Phoenix’s characters, the two leads, a lot as well. It’s a movie that shines because of the characters for me.

Very Good Tier

9. Donnie Darko - A pretty unique coming of age story with sci-fi elements. I’m still not sure what to think of this movie, though I think I liked it. Some of my favorite scenes are where Donnie goes off on these rants about what he believes to be the truth. These scenes are amazing to me.

10. Prisoners - I actually find the story of this movie to be not that great. However, what elevates the movie is Hugh Jackman and Jake and their amazing performances. Funnily enough, I found myself siding with Hugh’s character and against Jake’s as they both simultaneously tried to solve the case. Also, this movie is just really exciting and engaging to watch and is maybe one of the easiest to recommend movies on this list due to these factors.

11. The Day After Tomorrow - This isn’t a very deep movie or anything, but it’s a really solid disaster flick in my opinion. I love the visuals, and Jake is such a cutie in this movie, a factor that really elevates it for me.

12. The Good Girl - It looked like a comedy or something from the outside, but actually this is a rather bleak movie. It’s one of the duology of the Jake-being-into-older-married-women movies (and the much better of the two for me). I find this movie pretty underrated.

13. October Sky - It’s an uplifting and inspiring movie, and I love how Homer’s relationship with his father is portrayed here.

14. Okja - I love the stylized vibe of this movie. Jake isn’t in the movie that much, but I really like every time he shows up. He goes full wacky here and it’s fun to watch.

15. Brothers - Tobey Maguire is the real star here. I think he was great in the movie and I could really feel the emotions of his character, especially after he comes back from the war and is in a troubled state of mind.

16. Stronger - A good based on real life movie about a survivor of the Boston Marathon Bombing. Jake does a great job as usual, and I think the emotions of the story came through well.

17. Wildlife - A really simple and subdued story about a family, but I think it works well in the movie. It has a very quiet and natural feeling to it.

Ok Tier

18. Demolition - A quirky feeling movie about a guy trying to deal with the death of his wife. The scene with Jake dancing in the city is my favorite part. Also I thought Jake’s friendship with the kid in the movie was a highlight.

19. Bubble Boy - It's kind of a dumb movie with some maybe offensive humor, but I thought it was pretty enjoyable regardless. Jake is so adorable as the main character Jimmy, and it was fun to follow his journey across the country and seeing all the interesting characters he meets.

20. Proof - I thought it was pretty good, but then the movie ended just when I thought it was starting to ramp up the story to the conclusion. This factor brought the movie down for me.

21. Life - The monster design for this movie was pretty cool, and I liked the ending and the general space horror vibe. However, I didn’t feel much for any of the characters.

22. Everest - It was ok, but I wasn’t really into any of the characters here.

23. Southpaw - I think this movie is very impressive for Jake’s resume, considering how he trained a lot and learned boxing for it. However as a movie itself, I didn’t really feel much for it and felt like it wasn’t doing much special in the story department. I liked some of the parts in the earlier half though.

24. End of Watch - I just wasn’t feeling this movie. Maybe it was the found footage style or something. I feel a bit sad about not digging this movie since I see it is generally one of the more well liked ones in Jake’s filmography.

25. Jarhead - I really don’t like the vulgar tone throughout this movie, but I do like the general story and message. Also the movie looks really good.

Not That Great Tier

26. Velvet Buzzsaw - I love Jake’s character Morf so much as well as the general premise. However the movie itself wasn’t too great: I found most of the characters besides Jake’s to be unlikable, and also the movie felt cheap. It’s very disappointing since the concept for the movie (horror in an art gallery) seems so promising.

27. Prince of Persia - This was the first Jake movie I saw back in the day around the time of its theater release. I have to say I find this to be Jake’s weakest acting performance out of all his movies. For me, good acting is when the actor feels very natural as the character and is somehow magnetizing to watch. But for some reason I did not get a very natural vibe from Jake as Dastan in this movie. I do think he looks very beautiful in this movie though with his long hair, so that’s a big plus. The story of this movie feels pretty cliché and kind of lifeless in a way, but I still liked it alright.

28. Highway - I don’t really like the sleazy tone of this movie. However, I think Jake is very adorable in this movie and has this pure wide-eyed vibe about him (despite him being a drug dealer and sleeping with prostitutes and such).

29. Rendition - I found this movie to be aggressively boring for the most part. There’s this subplot which I was unsure why I should even care about until a reveal near the end of the movie, when it was too late to start caring at all. However Jake in a bloody shirt towards the beginning of the movie makes for some good screencaps and gifs, and I learned about the term extraordinary rendition through searching about it after the movie.

30. Moonlight Mile - I guess this movie might be considered technically good because it tells the story it sets out to do fairly well, but I just found it very boring. There is a part towards the end with Jake’s character being very emotional which I really liked.

31. Lovely & Amazing - It's actually decent, but really not my type of movie. It’s the 2nd of the duology of the Jake-being-into-older-married-women movies.

 Just No Tier

32. Accidental Love - I actually enjoyed the beginning parts of this movie (though what’s with the constant dutch angles in the earlier parts?), and ironically it is around the point of the introduction of Jake’s character where I felt like it started to nosedive. I felt my soul slipping away and my IQ dropping by the end of the movie.

33. Love & Other Drugs – I really, really don’t like this kind of raunchy sex comedy movie. That’s all.

[xseedgames]

2017 End-of-the-Year Q&A Extravaganza Blog! #5

It’s time for our last Q&A blog of the year. It’s been a fun time answering all these questions--you guys had some seriously good ones!--but now it is time for us to chill out and celebrate 2018. Hopefully we can give you guys good reasons to celebrate 2018, too!

For our final Q&A blog, we have answers from:

Ken Berry, Executive Vice President / Team Leader John Wheeler, Assistant Localization Manager Ryan Graff, Localization Lead Liz Rita, QA Tester Nick Colucci, Localization Editor Brittany Avery, Localization Producer Thomas Lipschultz, Localization Producer

Question: Does working on a game affect your enjoyment of it in any way? Do you anticipate playing the full package after it is done or do you play through it beforehand anyway? Have you ever been spoiled on a game through work and if yes how severe was it? - @MizuUnNamed

Brittany: It definitely does. It's like the difference between babysitting a kid over the summer vs. giving birth to that kid and raising them till they leave the house. Even the most frustrating things about a game will somehow become something you love in a weird way, because it’s your kid and it's your responsibility to raise it right. When you're localizing a game, you're choosing every single word, and every single decision you make for that game will shape the experience for the thousands of people who play it. Characters I'd normally hate as a player become characters I love because figuring out their dialogue is a joy, and stuff I never thought about in localization are now very particular to me because I want my kid to go out into the world looking its best.

I will always play the games I work on. Sometimes I play them in Japanese beforehand, but there are days where I edit a file while playing line-by-line just so I can look at a character's expression and match the line written to the face. Then I replay it a few time as the English builds come in, tweaking it bit by bit, because it feels different to see the English on a sheet compared to seeing it in-game. It takes a ton of time, but I'd rather have a final product I can be proud of than to give up because something requires extra work.

Liz: When I started working here the first thing I tested was Corpse Party PC. I played it for like 200 hours and that game is much shorter than that haha. I loved every second of it, and recently got to test it again for the Linux + SteamOS release. Oh boy, that was a treat <3 I also got to work on Cold Steel II and at the time I didn't have the consoles the first released for, so I just watched playthroughs online... bless Cold Steel PC! I don't think I've ever been spoiled on a game through work before.... except maybe for Book of Shadows? But I don't even remember that spoiler so does it really count?

Nick: This is going to vary widely from person to person. For me...admittedly yes, working on a game does impact the enjoyment I’m able to derive from that game as a finished product. I understand, going in, that simply by virtue of working on a game, I will know its plot from beginning to end, see all the character development (including optional stuff that you might not even be able to view in a single playthrough), and in general become a subject matter expert on its world and lore. I’ll have knowledge of all the optional events and the items it’s possible to get – and sometimes, even a few that exist but were never implemented.

Working on a game is usually a months-long endeavor, during which we often end up playing the game in various stages of beta (or even alpha) readiness. We experience bugs we hope you never will; all the times text isn’t displaying correctly, voice or music isn’t playing right, or the battle system is falling over foaming at the mouth. By the time a game is ready to be sold, we’ve spent more time with it than would probably be considered healthy from a consumer perspective.

Outside of post-launch support/tweaking I’ve done for games like Zwei: The Ilvard Insurrection, I’ve never picked up a game I’ve worked on here after it launched. They’re good games, and I’ve been proud of each project I’ve worked on so far – it’s just that I’m someone with a low tolerance for repetition. You know – the sort who would get sick of even my favorite movies if I watched them every day for a week straight. As cool a game as Trails of Cold Steel might be, I’m in no hurry to sink 80 hours into an RPG that I focused all my attention on for the better part of an entire year.

While it IS perhaps a bit regrettable that I “ruin” my ability to enjoy a game in a normal-player context by working on them, I feel it’s a small price to pay if I can help deliver something that players will really enjoy their time with.

Question: When you brought over Rune Factory 4 to Europe, what difficulties did you encounter? How was the process? - @Marower

Brittany: Hey! This is perfect for me! We really wanted to bring RF4 to Europe, but with the developer now shut down, it wasn't possible. We spent ages looking for a programming team who would be willing to help us that also had Marvelous Japan’s blessing, and then it became my little pet project. I had zero experience with the process, so it was a lot of learning and guidance from my boss, Ken. We were able to update the text a bit to fix typos, but because we would never be as familiar with it as the original team, we wanted to touch the game's code as little as possible since we didn't want to risk breaking the game.

I tried to reproduce this one rare bug that causes the game to crash at the end of arc 2 (this is present in the Japanese, too, so it wasn't introduced in English), but it was impossible. I started the EU version from scratch and went up to that point. There were rumors that soft resetting the game caused the issue since it really wasn't programmed to handle soft resets too much, so I did that as often as I could. Nothing. Oh, man... I wish I could've found the pattern that caused such a weird crash. It's rare, but no one wants a crash in their game.

NA only has one rating, but Europe requires several different ratings, so that's an interesting process. The store pages all require various languages, too, depending on the region. I learned that because you could palette-swap character models to simulate gay marriage that the game had to be 18+ in Russia. 18+! For a Rune Factory game! All of the processes take a bit longer, but it was mostly a lot of communication, paperwork, confirmations and such. All worth it to finally get that game out there!

Question: What process leads to additional content in localized releases? Things like additional voices for Trails of Cold Steel on PC. How do you decide which titles get "a little bit extra"? - @Baust528

Brittany:

Me (messaging programmer on Skype: hey are you up Sara (programmer): Yeah. What's up? Me: lmao wouldn't it be awesome if we could put x in the game Sara (ten minutes later): It's in the game.

That happens a lot. As a more serious answer, since we try to localize games we're personally passionate about, it's easy for us to see what we'd want as a fan, too. So we'll sit around and go, "Wouldn't this feature be nice?", and we'll see if it's doable. If it is, we'll do it.

The extra voice acting in Cold Steel PC came about because we wanted to do it for PS3/Vita, but it wasn't possible. I asked if we could put the games on PC one day, the boss worked out the numbers, and we realized that avenue was perfectly possible. We thought adding new voices would be great, because the English cast was very well received in English. Turbo Mode and ultra widescreen were both Durante, though. Those were awesome.

Generally, if our programmers have an idea they'd like to add to the game, we allow it. They're programmers! They know if it's possible, and if it makes the game better, who are we to say no? That's how the Sky games have gotten so many improvements over the years, too. We're incredibly fortunate to have Sara as a programmer, because she takes each project very personally and still finds ways to improve them years after launch.

Tom: There are a lot of factors that go into things like this, but one that's come up a couple times now has definitely been our inability to license the Japanese voices. We figured, if we can't offer dual voice to players, why not use whatever budget we may have set aside for that to give them something a little extra? It may not be exactly what they want, but it's at least something we can offer them to show that we truly did put our best foot forward with this release

Nick: As weird as it may sound, it starts with just someone asking, “Hey, could we do this?” Sometimes, what we’ll want to do is evident due to what’s perceived as a shortcoming in a game. Trails of Cold Steel had a lot of voice acting, but weirdly left protagonist Rean silent in a number of scenes where all the other characters were voiced. That was the initial impetus for us wanting to get back into the studio for the PC release and record all the voicework we couldn’t for the PS3 release (in which we could only supply voices for lines that were voiced in the Japanese version).

Similarly, when I was planning out the recording for Zwei: The Ilvard Insurrection, I thought, “We’re having people in to record these battle voices and we’re gonna pay them a minimum session fee anyway, so...why not add some story scenes onto that?” So in the end, we managed to include a solid amount of voice acting in there for a game that, in its original version, had very little.

Question: Have you ever considered localizing otome games? It would be nice if you can bring us some handsome boys. （*＾＾*) - @NymphNayade

Brittany: Hmm.

Question: Can you comment on the difficulty in trying to get Japanese developers to support same-sex couples/marriage in games like Story of Season or Rune Factory? - @atelier_michi

Brittany: XSEED's always been very openly supportive of adding that. I don't know what difficulties there would be in Japan, but I try to think of how much progress we've made to be able to openly ask for same-sex couples/marriage in games. It wasn't long ago that the idea was ludicrous. I remember when Ellen DeGeneres came out in the '90s and it affected me very strongly, especially since my parents would actively tell me, “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” So even if it's not in the current SoS games, I'll ask for the feature every time I visit Japan, because I think being open about it is an important factor to making progress on that front. Nothing will happen if you don’t fight for it.

I'd really like a whole variety of relationships in the SoS. Gays, lesbians, bisexuals, pansexuals, or even a unique relationship outside of sexuality like dating a single parent or supporting your partner as they transition. It's that sort of variety that makes life interesting and great, and I think introducing these concepts in a series as darling as SoS normalizes them and helps children to perceive them as innocently as heterosexual relationships and concepts. It's very educational. Normalizing it more would teach people to ask more questions, too, instead of rejecting any type of orientation or relationship that seems foreign to them.

I remember for the first SoS game we published, Hashimoto-san said he had animals die in the game because he wanted children to be introduced to the natural process of life and death. It wasn't meant to be a bad thing, but something we should be comfortable with because that's part of what it means to be alive. Something to that, lol. Anyway, I'd like for just as much heart to be taken to represent more kinds of people in life, too.

Question: A rumor is going around that you guys are avoiding publishing fanservicey games outside of Senran Kagura. This came in wake of you guys seemingly passing on Valkyrie Drive. Is there any validity to this rumor, and if so, why? - @WaywardChili11

Brittany: did people forget we did a game with literal strawberries and a banana as a costume

That's a weird rumor. It’s also dumb. We've done fanservice games in the past, and we'll decide on whether or not to do them on a game-by-game basis. We're not necessarily passing on them because of fanservice, but I also don't think fanservice is core to the XSEED brand, so it shouldn't be a given for us to do fanservice titles just because we’ve done them in the past. Many of us enjoyed Onechanbara and we have some SENRAN KAGURA fans in the office, so we published those because we originally liked them as games that happened to contain fanservice.

We’re also not big on censoring games, so I’d rather pass on a game than work on it after it’s been censored. If I were to localize a title and actually choose to censor it, I’d piss of people who don’t like the fanservice content, I’d piss off the people who want that content, and then I’d be pissed off because if I felt something was so horrible that it needed to be censored, then I probably didn’t want to work on the game.

That doesn’t mean every fanservice game is off the table for me, but I would need to evaluate it to see if the game is for me, as I would any other genre. Like, Lord of Magna is overall a super-cute game, but it also has an out-of-nowhere hot springs scene. I felt that scene detracted from the game because the rest of the game was adorable and innocent. That said, I didn’t remove the scene, and I still loved working the game. It’s a game with fanservice I would still happily play again. 

Meanwhile, SENRAN KAGURA sells on fanservice, but the gameplay is pretty good. I admit that I prefer the older titles for DS/3DS which were more ridiculous titillation with a good story than the more overt modern titles, but again, that just means the series is no longer for me, and that’s fine. We still have SK fans in the office, and they enjoy working on the series. 

Another factor is gaming trends and our overall rep as a company. Fanservice games weren’t always as hot as they are now, and XSEED started off with a variety of genres, with our niche eventually falling to RPGs and such. Every trend has a rise and fall, and if we pick up every fanservice game regardless of quality just because it’s hot now, we’re alienating the audiences that love us for action, RPGs, and so on. We may even alienate retailers or future marketing opportunities for the games we license outside of that genre. We’ll have shot ourselves in the foot if the fanservice trend falls when we made it our bread and butter. I like having a job.

Tom: We certainly don't have any problems with fanservice, as I think we've proven quite thoroughly at this point. But we also don't ever back a game simply BECAUSE of its fanservice. When we release a game, we do so because (1) we like it, and/or (2) we see some really good potential in it. If it happens to have fanservice, great! If not, also great.

On the flipside, we also turn down games for a variety of reasons. Maybe we hated the story. Maybe we hated the gameplay. Maybe we felt it took its themes a bit too far, or that it had a lot of wasted potential that it never quite lived up to. Maybe we put in an offer on it but were outbid, or the developer appended unusual terms to the license that we weren't willing or able to accept. Maybe the developer simply didn't want to work with us for some reason, or we didn't want to work with them. Maybe we didn't have time to work on that title, or maybe we simply felt someone else would be able to do a better job with it. Tl;dr version, there are a LOT of factors that go into licensing decisions!

Our reasons for turning down a game aren't really something we can ever outright tell you guys, due to the NDAs we all signed when we got hired. But suffice it to say, it's never simply because of fanservice. Fanservice may potentially contribute to a larger tapestry of reasons for passing on a title in extreme cases (though they'd have to be pretty extreme!), but rest assured, we'll never say no to a game simply because it shows a lot of skin. Good games are more than skin deep, after all!

Nick: Here’s the Nick take: Most of us here don’t mind fanservice. It’s fun, it’s saucy, and folks can have a good time with it. If you look at our lineup, you can see we don’t shy away from games that have fanservice (Oneechanbara!), and games that push the boundaries, as Senran Kagura sometimes does, certainly aren’t out of the realm of consideration. A boob, a bulge; it’s all fair game here.

But here’s the thing. The games a company releases become part of their oeuvre. We have a reputation for quirky Japanese games because we’ve released enough of them that it’s a noticeable trend. The same would happen if we opened our gates to every fanservice-laden game that came knocking. Speaking personally, I don’t want us to have a reputation as a publisher whose stock in trade is mainly cheesecakey fanservice or smutty games. That kind of pigeonholing doesn’t help us as a company, and at worst, might even preclude some future licensing opportunities.

I think a lot of people get the impression that we turn down fanservice-laden games for some sort of censorious or moral reason, but that’s not especially true. There ARE cases where we might think, “If we licensed this, the ESRB wouldn’t let it through without forcing us to censor enough that the primary audience we were licensing it for in the first place would be upset,” and there are times when a game might simply be in bad taste and we decide we don’t like how it handles sexuality.

Sometimes, iffy material gets through in spite of all that. The SENRAN KAGURA series has done well for us, so we continue to publish those games even though a number of us in the office have concerns about how each new game seems to push the boundaries further and further in terms of what’s allowable (either by the ESRB or by common decency). We keep a close watch on that, and we’ve communicated our feelings to Takaki-san and his team. We strongly dislike having to alter content in this way, so if a game is so stridently sexual that we think we’d probably be forced to do so by the ESRB (as was a going concern with Valkyrie Drive, iirc), that factors into our decision-making process.

More often, the mundane truth is that we’ll turn down a game of this type because our evaluation play-tests show it to not be very fun to play. It’s not uncommon for games in this vein to just focus on piquing prurient interests or trading in tawdry titillation while the actual game underneath feels janky to play, or has no depth once you get past ogling your favorite waifu. That’s something that can’t be conveyed through a screenshot or even game video, which leaves hopeful players confusedly thinking we passed on a game for reasons more related to its content.

There’s a solid balance to be struck between acknowledging and publishing content for a mature audience and turning down projects that don’t jive with us, and I want you guys to know that we DO put a lot of thought into keeping this balance healthy.

Ken: When we first published SENRAN KAGURA Burst in late 2013, it was a much stricter retail environment so we had to approach the title with caution. We needed to see if there was a market for the series in the West, and even if there was the absolute worst thing that could happen would be to start manufacturing only to hear that retailers suddenly don't want them or want to return their units because of a complaint they got. Due to the success of the digital-only release of SENRAN KAGURA Burst we were able to release the next few games in the series physically at retail (so the "no physical no buy" people really need to thank their digital-buying colleagues), but that doesn't mean that we get a free pass to release anything in the future. As each new iteration seems to push the envelope further and further, we need to be careful exactly how far we push - at some point if we push too far and the whole levee breaks, it could have repercussions for games that have already previously been released.

Question: Who is best girl and boy? - @MizuUnNamed

Brittany: Can I get Crow Armbrust and Crow Armbrust for $500?

Tom: Narcia and Pietro, of course. But only for each other.

 Liz: Rottytops and Ludus! What did we do to deserve them?

That’s all, folks! It’s been a wild ride, but hopefully we answered your questions well enough. 

[dwam-crack-blog]

Beginnings

Given that I've randomly decided i could just use this place for blogging in general, I think I'm going to keep this first post relatively short.

I've been in the Ace Attorney fangaming "community" for several years now. I like to believe I've presented a substantial amount of content during those years when it comes to fancases. It's something I've personally, for the most part, enjoyed doing, and I hope the people who've played those fancases enjoyed doing so just as much. I also like to believe I've been around long enough to say I'm relatively experienced when it comes to witnessing how most projects -- both successful and unsuccessful -- are started, developed and ultimately concluded.

I'll be drawing attention to the unsuccessful ones here, for a moment.

Imagine yourself as a teenager. Maybe even a bit older. You've played a game you like. You really enjoyed it. Like, really enjoyed it. Something about it spoke to you. It got your imagination running. You kinda wish there was more of it. Then - lo and behold - you found out people have made an engine, maybe engines - that would allow you to create something like that. You check it out - you take a look at some of the stuff that's already been made with it. You think to yourself, "hey, that's pretty cool!" You maybe become a bit more familiarized with how the engine works, what it can and can't do.

Then -- you get this cool idea. It's a really good one. Like, so good you can practically picture it. It's a scene. Maybe even the final battle. You can hear the epic music. You can see the dialogue playing out. You can imagine the positive comments those other projects have gotten. Fuck it, maybe you even imagine an article in PC Gamer mentioning your game, claiming it to be a crowning achievement. You finally decide: "I'm gonna make it!"

So, you think it a bit more. You go to a forum dedicated to this sort of thing. You write out what will end up being your thread. You're careful to make sure you give just enough information about it. Too much, and it becomes a cluttered slog. Too little, and nobody will take you seriously. Chances are, you can't do art. But that's okay, you figure someone will help you out with that.

Granted, you're not entirely sure what you'll do if no artist comes along, or even if the project will be able to lift off the ground without it. But you're relatively sure it'll turn out fine.

So, you put the thread up. You get a few responses. Few people like the idea. Few people say they might consider joining, but nothing concrete. Someone asks you about how much you have so far. You tell them you're planning things. You give some arbitrary percentage - perhaps slightly larger than what even you feel is actually the case, but not like they'll be able to prove you wrong.

Eventually, someone comes along. It's an artist. They like the idea. They agree to work with you.

And thus, the project can finally happen. You're excited once more. The images of those cool scenes start coming back to you and you can't wait for it all to play out. The hype is real. More people are posting and expressing support. It's coming alive!

...But keep in mind I said "can happen".

In those aforementioned several years, I've seen this exact story play out many, many, many times. There are variations - sometimes the creator doesn't ask for help, says they can do it all themselves. Sometimes, they need even more than just an artist. Sometimes the project just ends up never happening exactly because there was no backup plan in light of there being no artist.

(Keep in mind, I am primarily talking about the perspective of an AA fangame developer, obviously things differ in other projects.)

There’s a lot of things that can happen here. But in the end, it comes down to one of these two conclusions:

The project lead plans everything out as promised, writes out the script and transfers what he has to into into the game, along with the artists' support. Everything seems to go smoothly, as if through a sheer miracle. Maybe there are some hiccups and hiatuses along the road, but fuck it, the job’s done.

More likely, however, the project dies for one or more of the following reasons:

The project never even leaves the planning stage. It turns out that the lead was far more interested in imagining all those fantastic scenes than actually making them a reality, always telling themselves: "ah, the means are there, it'll be done someday, now let me tell you about all these Japanese names I came up for my characters!"

One or more of the team's crucial members gets caught up in situations beyond their control and they're unable to do any work, slowing the project to a crawl, eventually killing it as others move on with their lives, as well.

The team members (most likely including the lead) don't understand the time and dedication necessary for something like this and are either unable to cooperate properly together, or simply cannot manage their time to make their work efficient. In other words, progress is too slow. Interest is significantly lost. Both from outside observers and within the team. Time passes and, very likely, my earlier point happens - where real life just catches up with them and the whole thing goes quietly into the night.

It just becomes boring to work on.

 Now, to be perfectly clear -- I'm not saying there's blame to be found in any of these situations. Sometimes, things just don't turn out the way you want them to. It goes without saying that, if you gathered a team, that you’re not going to want to have their work go to waste. Most, if not all people, have that level of professionalism and courtesy within them to have the mentality of “I got you into this, I have to finish it”. Of course you'll want to get it done.

But you can't get blood from a stone.

And, frankly, you're in no position to claim you'll get anything done. Your determination, and your honesty, and your sense of responsibility be damned. Things change. Stuff just ends sometimes. Someday, you could wake up and realize you just don't want to do it anymore. What do you do then? Force yourself to work to make a half-hearted product? Pass your vision along to someone else and later be unhappy with seeing how that vision’s slowly being changed without your consent? If you’re working alone from the beginning, you can’t even do that.

Here's the common thread here.

People really like the beginnings of things. I don't mean that just with fan projects. It's like that with literally anything.

It's exciting. Makes your heart beat faster. Gives you the shakes. Feels like an impulsive decision that was somehow still calculated. Thinking about winning? Nah, no need. You’ve already won!

But in most cases - in cases where things end up not working out - it's actually exciting because the entire time you're thinking about the destination, not the actual journey. Or, maybe that’s not even it. Maybe you’re just so caught up in the moment that the idea of failure doesn’t even cross your mind, leaving you unprepared when things start going bad. You're young, and you're inexperienced, and you just tell yourself you can do it. And hell - you probably can!

...Thing is, at one point or another, you just don't want to. Maybe because more important things will start happening in your life. Maybe because you weren't honest with yourself about the commitment you were willing to pour into it. Maybe things were out of your control and, again, you weren’t prepared enough to fall back on anything. Maybe because... shit, I don't know. Could be any number of reasons.

My main piece of advice here would be -- before you do anything, anything at all -- get as much work done you yourself can possibly do. If you consider yourself a writer -- write out the script. Nevermind the art. If there's something in that script your artist can't do, you'll make a compromise.

If you're the artist, get art done so you can show it off to other people (who knows, if nothing else, might be a good way to hone your skills?)

If you can code - fuck it, code in some of the script! Even if you’re unhappy with the dialogue, at least have the structure set up. Find a way to speed up processes. Make things extremely fast for you when the time to act actually comes.

If you’re a combination of these three - well, answer should be obvious enough.

But do as much as you can so that when the time comes to make that thread where you either need help or you're just announcing the project to the world, you have something to show to people. To prove that you're in it for the long run. But more importantly, prove to yourself that you're in it for the long run.

That way, you:

Have people be able to trust you enough to apply for help

Have sped up the amount of time the team will need to create the project, since a part of the work is already done

Have a better understanding of your own project and what exactly you want from it; plus, are able to communicate your ideas way more clearly

Even then, there's no guarantee things won't fall apart. But you'll have done everything in your power to truly push yourself to make your dream a reality, and not just jumping into the fire, not knowing what you're doing.

This was probably a really roundabout fucking way of making this point, and I don't even know if half of this shit is comprehensible to someone who has never been in the kind of forum I'm talking about here, but I felt like ranting so, eh.

[navigatorvega]

My thoughts on the 999 port in The Nonary Games. Warning that because this is a port of my favorite game in one of, if not my most, favorite franchises in fiction, I will be going into detail so it will be long. VERY long. (Spoilers below)

So last night I finished up yet another playthrough of 999, this time in the new TNG port. To get to the end quick, I’ll say that it is excellent and no doubt will be the way I play the game from now on. 

The dub is excellent, with the returning voices being much better than previously. While not necessarily bad, I will say that Wendee Lee’s VLR Clover and Rena Strober’s ZTD Akane were the weakest in their respective first games so their improvement is especially noticeable and appreciated. As for Evan Smith as Junpei, my god. He did a good job in ZTD, but I was very concerned with how he would handle 999 Junpei just because of how different the portrayal needs to be. It would seem that those fears were unfounded however, as he is easily, easily the standout of the cast. Every layer of Junpei is perfect and there’s nary a line that is done below excellence. As for the new cast, they’re very well done. Richard Epcar’s Ace is great, though some of his lines near the end seem to be straining his throat (though considering he’s in his 60s that’s not surprising) and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t disappointed that he wasn’t voiced by Michael McConnohie, whom I’ve always imagined his voice sounding like (and as that’s not exactly a fair judgement, I won’t fault it for that, just something I needed to say). However, I will say that the weakest of the cast is Snake’s voice actor (who to my knowledge is still unknown). His portrayal is flat and while not robotic, sounds very emotionless. However, he does have his moments, most notably in the Safe (or as it’s now known, the Zero Lost) ending (Side note: I will still call it the Safe ending from now on. Call me a nostalgia whore, but it just sounds so much better to me than Zero Lost and has less syllables to boot); in it you can truly feel Snake’s absolute rage and despair at his sister’s death and it is most definitely a dub saver to have Snake’s most defining moment in the original game to be done so well. As for the others, they all range from good to excellent, so I won’t say much about them here. 

One big flaw with the dub though is the flashback scenes: You see, instead of getting other voice actors and actresses with more experience playing children, they had all of the voice actors retain their characters and just try to make their voices sound higher and it does not work at all. Akane sounds almost no different and the guys in the cast just sound like they’re trying too hard to be kids. This is especially notable with Junpei’s scene in the end credits where he sounds far too deep to be playing a twelve year old and it is sadly Evan Smith’s biggest blemish with the character. As for how the Japanese handled it, I won’t know until I play through the game in Japanese in the future.

But even if you don’t like the English voice cast and don’t want to listen to the Japanese, there is still hope as, much like previously, you can turn off the voices independently of the music and sfx, giving it a feeling more like the original game (though, sadly, the nostalgic beeps from the DS version are nowhere to be found and it’s highly unlikely to receive any patches or dlc to fix that...). I did try this out and the effect still works rather well as the game’s sound arrangement hasn’t been altered too much, so it retains the feeling of playing the original.

Now then, onto the second biggest change of the port: the flowchart. This was by far my biggest reason for buying the game (besides me being Zero Escape trash of course). Though I was curious how it would be handled; the original game was built in such a way that a branching chart would make no sense, but the one it has doesn’t appear to work either. However, they found an excellent solution using two things: one is a line that highlights where your path has been up to that point. By simply jumping to a point, the line will adjust itself to a new pathway. If you jump forward, the line moves from where it last was, meanwhile if you jump backward, the line gets erased so that it’s clear what path you’re on. And, if you skip past a set of doors it will automatically assume that you took the door that would lead to the Safe ending, which makes sense given that the only requirement in this port to reach that ending is to go through the correct doors (no more having to remember to look at the safe after you’ve completed the puzzle, but before leaving). The second thing is having keys and locks attached to various paths, allowing you and the game to both keep track of what you’ve done thus far to ensure what specific ending you’re getting. My big issue with the lock and key system though, is that they’re color coded, which while useful, is very spoilerific for the first time player (more on that in a bit). Overall, this is the best addition to the game that drastically reduces tedium, though at the cost of making the game the most remarkably short in the trilogy.

Now, onto the most interesting change of them all: the Novel and Adventure modes. Now, as we all know, the original 999 was made for the DS, which had two screens. It was one of the few games on the system to take advantage of that for more than just touch screen gimmicks. The big twist in the end is that Akane is who we’ve been controlling as she’s accessing the morphogenetic field to contact Junpei 9 years in the future. This was cleverly hidden by making it appear that dialogue took place on the top screen, while the narration took place on the bottom screen; in actuality, it was really that the present (or Akane’s future if you prefer) took place in the top screen, while the past (or Akane’s present) took place on the bottom screen and she simply was describing in detail what she saw, rather than being a simple narrator. This was an unrivaled twist that made 999′s story stick out as one of the most unique stories of the decade. The only problem? It relied on two screens to work. TNG is for the PS4, the Vita, and PCs, all of which only have one screen. This posed a hurdle, for obvious reasons, and was one of the biggest concerns among fans as to how this port would work. The solution the devs came up with? There are two modes of play. By pressing a button, the player can switch between two viewpoints:

Adventure - Dialogue exclusively, with new text to have the characters describe what they’re doing, as well as Junpei’s inner thoughts newly added to take over for narration. Told entirely with text boxes.

Novel - The original text from the DS version (though with the new Adventure mode dialogue being put among it now), shown as a slight change to the borders of the screen, with the text placed freely in front of character’s faces.

Now, the problem with this system is that the twist relies on the swapping between Akane’s “narration” and the spoken dialogue. They tried to remedy this by forcing the player to experience certain moments in one particular mode, however, this really isn’t done as often as necessary. Indeed, I’d say this is the weakest change, as the player is not going to want to play in Adventure mode; even with the changes to accommodate no narration, it can still be easy for a player to not understand what just happened on-screen, as since it’s a visual novel all characters are shown in mostly static portraits, rather than full animation. However, if one plays exclusively in Novel mode, a few problems arise:

1 - The text covers up characters, giving it the appearance that they are eating the text at times. This is especially bad during certain CGs, since the character(s)’ faces are usually so high up that the text covers up their eyes and mouths the moment anything is said or narrated.

2 - Adventure mode is the default. After something, like say, a puzzle room happens, the text will switch back from Novel to Adventure. This is problematic since, if you’re somewhat forgetful like me, you can accidentally skip large amounts of narration, forcing you to go back and reread what was said, which can really take you out of the scene. It would be nice if there was an option to set which mode you want as default, but such a thing doesn’t exist, so this gripe goes unanswered.

3 - The purpose of the two screens was to make the player switch back and forth between Junpei and Akane without revealing that they were doing so until the time was right. However, if you spend time exclusively in one mode, you are only viewing it from one perspective, getting rid of the original feel of the narrative. Meanwhile, if you swap between the two frequently, the tedium and constant need to do so, not only makes the narrative harder to get into, but it also draws attention to itself, when the original intent that made the twist work was the subtly of it. Either way, the story suffers for it.

Now, this isn’t a complete issue; as long as you play in Novel mode and make sure you switch back immediately after a puzzle room, you still experience the story for the most part as it was meant to be. I just feel that it could have been done better. 

If they wanted to keep the system, they really should have made the required Novel sections far more frequent, as you can skip large portions of the game that are aided immensely by it. I however think it would have been done better had they done it like this: Have text boxes represent Junpei’s time, and then have the screen gray out and have narration/Akane’s POV appear similar to Sigma’s thoughts in VLR, without any need for swapping modes. This would retain the original intent of the dual screen twist, while making it unobtrusive and allowing the player to still get the full experience. As I said, the system still works, but it could have been done much better with some slight tweaking.

One last, minor gripe: the last puzzle changed. It’s no longer upside-down sudoku (for obvious reasons) and is instead some weird mix and match thing that involves switching between two modes. Obviously the point to it was to mimic the effect of the upside-down sudoku using the games new mode swap system. But, much like the two modes in the main game, it’s pointless to switch to one of the modes, since the other has all of the information and doesn’t do anything other than make the interface slightly awkward. Additionally, the games explanation for it is so convoluted that the only thing confusing about it is figuring out what Junpei’s trying to say; the solution itself is laughably easy. Like I said, minor complaint there.

All in all, I think that this is the best way to play 999....if you’ve played the original already. As mentioned earlier, the flowchart spoils a lot with the way the lock and key system works, outright telling you where you have to go and unlocking where the keys to reach a certain ending are after reaching the final door that would lead to the ending rather than giving them all at once after you’ve gone through all of the doors. This on top of the mode swapping drawing so much attention to itself and Adventure mode not being all that clear if you don’t know what’s supposed to go on in each scene make it so that I think the people who will get the most out of it are people who’ve have already played the original version of the game and who just want to replay it with less tedium. In this way, the original game is still very much a must own for newbies, whereas TNG is a must own for fans of the series who just want to re-experience the magic.

If I sounded negative, please forgive me; as I said, I love this port and it will likely be the way I replay the game from now on unless I’m feeling very nostalgic and want to pick up my DS again. It’s just that as this is my favorite entry in the series, it is very special to me, so even the slightest problems bother me immensely. If you haven’t already, please pick it up and give it a try; what bothered me may not be a problem for you, so don’t let my opinions influence yours. It is very much worth your time and money if you are a fan (or even if you’re not; if you read this then the spoilers really shouldn’t be an issue for you lol).

[ssdiamond]

When Dreams Become the Limiter

Well, first off I am surprised to find myself here and asked to discuss music and life though I am not sure that my commentary would be relevant to your worlds and/or experiences.

Let me start by saying how utterly impressed I am with both of your careers and playing -- how you both in your individual ways have advanced the all important world of bassoon playing. Truly, in such company I understand the phrase "I am not worthy" . Also I need to immediately fess up with an outright confession. I am an ex-bassoonist at best. Haven't played my Heckel since 1976 (don't worry, I did sell it to a student - lest it dry out from lack of playing.). Nor did I ever intend to be a professional player. Nor have I been a professional musician (meaning not even trying to make a living at such endeavors for the past twenty years or so). Plus my tales and trials of my professional life in music is so different and offbeat from the ordinary course that I wonder if my contribution to this dialogue might be equally spurious. Add to that a tendency to overwrite (as sampled here) plus the urge for platitudinous soliloquies and one may get the idea.

Still, the very notion of bassoonists meditating on their music and careers in search of that elusive ecstatic experience of pure music is captivating. For if  pushed deeply enough, I discover that indeed I am still a bassoonist first - an identity forged in junior high school, when I was eleven years old, and handed this ungainly bundle of wood - and like all newly minted double reed players finding oneself in an orchestra the very next week, a conductor looking askance commanding the wide-eyed neophyte to "play". Thus my entry into music, into the realm of ecstatic experience, was as a bassoonist. So no matter how far I travel afield I always must come back to that initial and formative identity.

So it seems that one of the questions on the table is balancing our love of music with the exigencies of life, money, family, etc and yet still feeling the satisfaction of our artistic expression at its best. If I may add anything to this discussion is the pluses and minuses of stepping off - or at least partly off - the professional music track - what are the freedoms, what are the losses, the surprising discoveries. It's not that I would counsel any musician to leave their precious musical world. But perhaps my experience may help widen how one looks at what is possible - how greater options might be available than we imagine.

I realize this runs counter to the popular position (from “The Secret” to Oprah) “to follow one's dream” and achieve your goals. It's a topic I have thought – and even lectured – about: How at times our dreams and goals can actually block us from discovering who we truly are or could become.

But before I get too meta-philosophical - let me specific about what your (Paul's) next step thoughts. I am on a the Board of Trustees at a college in California. It is a very unique and hands on place, so I have some ideas of what is going on in college hiring. (I am sure Karen with her perspective would concur.) Full-time jobs on college faculties are scarce. The good news though is that your skill set, I think,  actually improves your chances. Not as a bassoon teacher per se, but as an all around utility player, especially if you have some keyboard chops as well. The problem is that unless you have an MFA, there is little chance to land a position, except as a part time adjunct. (Why a degree is relevant to teaching music is off-putting to me, but it is part of today's reality.) And even with a full-fledged Ph.D, schools are laying off in droves right now. The other issue is where you may end up. The good jobs near urban centers are very competitive. The opportunities that do exist are out there – somewhere – meaning far, far away. The challenge is once far away from a densely populated area - where do you play, where do you find the musical colleagues and audiences who will get your unique gifts? It may become harder to satisfy the cravings for the best musical experiences.

So how can to you expand what is possible? Expand the ideas of who you are. A bassoonist and wind player? Yes - but when I watched your videos I saw/heard an extremely cool musician with a wild set of experiences and skills. That is a far more interesting identity. I would start selling that. I might think about a approaching a private high school. Private schools are far more flexible in credentialing and hiring practices. And a high school age group could be really interesting to work with and honestly you would offer them a great deal of value. The other thing is that private schools might let you fill-in and teach other courses and activities. Also, a lot more flexibility in where you may end up geographically. And salaries at these schools can end up being competitive.

And while thinking of teaching – why not organize your own school – a school of really cool music. A place dedicated to where music is going. Much like Berkeley in Boston once was. Responding to the reality that a great jazz education meets a real need. But today those needs have changed again. I mean where can you learn circular breathing – I'd kill to figure out how to pull of that trick effectively. Imagine being exposed to standard classical and jazz, electro-acoustic techniques, world-music techniques and mindsets all in one place- or from one very cool cat teacher. In New York, I meet kids off the street who are virtuoso keyboard players. They have never heard a lick of classical music. Have no clue about Chopin or Beethoven and thus their techniques have nothing to do with classical – but it's very real and impressive in a completely different way. I've even begun to hear stories about the next generation performers on the scene who are playing live concerts by typing and manipulating software code in real-time. I mean that's off the charts. Even my partner and I are now working with the newest technology that closes the latency times so that we can practice and perform in real-time over the Internet. (Nice trick – but not the impact, vibe and spirit of real live performance and audience. I though so too, until I was approached by grad students of artificial intelligence at Carnegie Mellon who are studying the neural activities of us humans – both performers and audience – to create the effect of true live performance through the Net.)

I mean, it's all mind blowing. And the Net Gen musicians need the wise mentors to lead them there.

OK. While we are still on the Net, why not the FutureBassoon website or social network. It would be a place where you, Nadina and other lead bassoonists can define the who, what and why of bassoons in the coming years. And being in that position of leadership will open wide and endless personal connections and opportunities.

And while we are dreaming... You are clearly a great communicator – well beyond just music - written, verbal and text. If you came back to a major urban scene, what about a commercial music house specializing in the really offbeat. The commercial audience ear is ready for any sounds. Perhaps you help organize friends to create a niche commercial music house. And the Net makes the world your market and audience. Of course, that takes learning as much about the business of music as it does performance. But once you have checked out the commercial music scene, why not move on to producing the entire commercials. That is what I did. After a while I realized trying to succeed at writing music to fit someone else's agenda was not my thing, but I did realize that in multimedia the real creativity and money was higher up the food chain – writing and producing. And when it comes to commercial text writing ad producing, none of it chafes against my personal musical integrity or tastes. It's still part of what I do today.

Next... what about your English skills in Tokyo. Yes, Cirque is a mega corporate entity. But I bet there are opportunities there – not in the performance aspect directly. But it might be interesting to see the Cirque corporation not as an employer but as your next collaborator, partner, or even sub-contractor. OK, it means hanging out with the “suits” and occasionally even becoming one. The times I  played  with a Braodway bound pit orchestra, I took as the opportunity to meet, consort and collaborate with the producers, writers and directors of the project.  Recently I met a famous superstar of the early electronica music scene of the 70s and 80s. Today he is a super professional businessman, sophisticated and savvy in money and budgets – and at this point in his growth it would be hard to peg or identify him as musician.

And I guess that is what I am getting at. The limits of how we identify ourselves.. Breaking down the self-imposed identity as a musician has been at times very difficult and even painful. But more realistically I also see how much those very dreams limited me – blocked me from so many other experiences.

Yet I do have time to practice – these days I spend hours every week on my EWI learning the Bach solo wind repertoire – imposing and perfecting the subtlety of classic performance and expression on the sterile digital circuitry. (My earliest identity emerges in my ongoing “goal” to replicate a completely convincing bassoon – with all its reedy overtones, awkward intonations and artifacts with the “goal” to perform the Mozart B-flat concerto.) And though I perform a lot less these days, it is always as a solo recital – playing everything from Bach to Marcello (those old bassoon sonatas), to free-form improvisations, improvs on medieval music, all the way up to Pictures at an Exhibition – talk about ecstatic experiences. And when I compose (my chief musical identity) it's solely to my taste and inspiration. (TheKonzerto for Karen is a case in point.)

And yes, I still occasionally look back – especially when my other worlds get stressful – that maybe I simply “failed” as a musician and wonder how nice it would be to be “just a musician” again. But the upside of this journey is this: Whenever a new acquaintance asks, “Are you a scientist, physician, journalist, producer, lawyer, professor, security expert, banker..." I get to say... “No, I am 'just a musician.'”

So I don't know if this is of any help or what. But it was fun to think about and consider. Thanks for the opportunity. Let's see what transpires next.

[captainperfectcollectionlan-blog]

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In case you are situated outdoors of the North American region, you may still be capable of create a Sony Leisure Community account utilizing a US or US territory handle Free PSN Codes for all players. LEAK and buy content from the North American PlayStation®Store, however, you should have a North American bank card or debit card (with a Visa or MasterCard brand). AND NOT—Signifies that the records found can't include the word that follows the time period AND NOT. For instance, to seek out objects that include the phrase pets but not the word canines, enter pets AND NOT canines. Critical points turned the primary days into buggy disappointments for many keen day-one buyers. A personalised expertise is introduced on by the PS4 as it understands how one performs and adjusts the content material accordingly. This hyperlink directs to a retail affiliate. IGN might Available PSN Codes free receive a commission out of your purchase. Improve your PlayStation gaming experience with further controllers, headsets and extra! Each PS4 and Xbox One come with chat headsets so you'll be able to talk to pals on-line, and both have features that allow PSN Cards Hack Generator Online you to record and share video on-line, either streaming dwell or importing to YouTube (although it takes time to figure out). All have wi-fi controllers.