#I tried zucchini for the first time ever yesterday and I thought I would hate it but I seasoned it myself and my partner grilled

[scienceandshitpostsdaily]

Also! A really good way to disguise veggies is to turn them into a smooth blended pasta sauce! I occasionally make sauce with like 5-6 veggies roasted and blended up together with a ton of olive oil, cream and cheese and it’s DELICIOUS. My roommate is a famously picky eater (as was I until I started cooking for myself and learning how to build flavors and make it fun) and I have gotten her to just give me the benefit of the doubt on trying new things and her palate and texture preferences have come so far in the last ~3 years that we’ve lived together. I know mind over matter seems scary and sometimes it feels like climbing Mount Everest to even take a bite. But trust me. It’s worth it. You’re worth it.

i mean this in the gentlest way possible: you need to eat vegetables. you need to become comfortable with doing so. i do not care if you are a picky eater because of autism (hi, i used to be this person!), you need to find at least some vegetables you can eat. find a different way to prepare them. chances are you would like a vegetable you hate if you prepared it in a stew or roasted it with seasoning or included it as an ingredient in a recipe. just. please start eating better. potatoes and corn are not sufficient vegetables for a healthy diet.

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS | CHAPTER 1

Rating: Explicit. 18+

‼️TW: Reader is EIGHTEEN! Recreational drug use, smoking and alcohol consumption, deeply internalised self-loathing, very questionable moral standards. Daddy kink taken half-seriously. BDSM themes in later chapters - explicit content will come with it's own TWs. FIRST PERSON POV.

Summary: You're Peter's classmate, a child of rich and famous but uncaring parents. Getting paired up for a lengthy project with the boy was an interesting turn of events and you don't know whether to feel blessed or cursed when you develop, seemingly, a perfectly normal, harmless crush on Tony Stark. Fueled by feelings of inadequacy and boredom, your life spirals out of control - and you're lucky your newfound friends are there to pick up the pieces even if you cannot find it in yourself to believe these amazing human (and not so human) beings voluntarily give you more than a fleeting glance and an offhanded thought. And they brought cake!

A/N: Bad girls are sad girls! Always wondered what goes through the mind of a spoiled, rich but intelligent and perceptive teenager? Have you found yourself craving that adrenaline rush, the danger of a forbidden fruit? Okay. That was cheesy as hell. Gross.

Let's try again. Sarcasm? Check. Vine references? Hell yes! Crude humour? Check. Blunt honesty? Double check. We're living in a Lana del Rey song, ladies.

The author doesn't actually condone codependent relationships in real life. This is a filthy little fantasy. Enjoy, deviants.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub​ @mostly-marvel-musings​

Beta read by the lovely and patient @miscmarvelwritings ! She deserves all the love 💙

Pining. I was pining after Stark and it made me upset. I thought I was better than that. Better than acting the part of a lovesick puppy, begging for scraps of attention- a kind word, a pat on the shoulder, a blanket thrown over me in my sleep. Even if he was my Mount Olympus, I wasn't exactly on board with starting the whole damn journey in the first place.

Most of all, I hated being a cliché. I tried my best to avoid showing how I felt and with time, I think I excelled at it. I am really good with things if I really put my mind to it. Was it a blessing, or was it a curse? Only the future will tell. I try not to think about it, as I prefer not to stress out too much. Peter was the anxious kid and I was the calm one. I was the Ying to his Yang. He flipped his shit often and I always calmed him down and cleaned up after him. No complaints there, Pete is pure and precious and I would kill everybody and then myself if he actually got hurt.

I'm only a year older than him and that year feels like an uncrossable bridge to me. We get along like a house on fire and I delight in the way he starts smiling when we're paired together for a project. Deep inside I'm sure he thinks of me as one of his best friends, his homies but-and there's always a but-I can't reciprocitate that. He goes to decathlon after school with his wholesome BFF duo, I go to a local dive bar with a fake ID I'd made sometime when I was about 15.

Peter has everything I wish I've ever had. Good for him. I'm not going to mess that up, no matter how much my angst demands I throw a tantrum and become, like, a supervillain or something.

I banter, instead. I chit-chat. I laugh and I repeatedly make a joke out of myself. Nobody suspects a thing, and I'm not surprised. People always see what they want to see. I've been the weird loner since middle school. Not the sad kind, of course, my pride wouldn't let me. I'm too good at things to be completely ignored. Teachers adore me, the event planning committee approaches me every year with tentative pleas for advice. The list goes on and on; what they don't understand is that it's just High School. Another year and I'll be out of there and nobody will be wiser.

I feel like a liar every time I'm excited. Because I'm not that - I don't care about their stupid field trips or collaborative projects. My mind is five steps and two hops ahead of that bullshit. It has to be or I just won't make it in the world.

"Parker-pen, Mr. Stark. G'day, sirs," I nodded, entering the lab, looking straight ahead. They both were hunched over... Something vaguely mechanical and I was terribly, horribly hungover. Saturday night was Science night but I'd gone to bed around 2PM after a party ran way too late.

"Hi," and "Powerpuff girl," came from them respectively, and they didn't even lift their heads.

I wondered if I could just skedaddle and leave them to their big brain time. "Is this a bad time? I can come tomorrow instead," I immediately regretted speaking, even to my own ears my voice sounds scratchy.

"No, actually, Dr. Ban-Bruce-wanted to talk to you," Peter mumbled out half-coherently. Tony kept ignoring me and I was fine with that. The less temptation I have the less trouble there will be.

"I'm not playing with his zucchini again," I groaned, causing the intricate pile of metal to squeak sadly as Pete tripped over his own damn body, jostling the prototype in the process. I could have sworn the room got several degrees hotter from the boy's blush alone.

Tony cackled, shuffling away from the newly ruined prototype. "He won the damn contest, you should've seen the judges faces," The engineer's grin threatened to split his face in half. I poked at my phone in muted interest. "Hold up, Friday has a recording. I definitely recorded the thing."

A holo-screen popped up. Tranquil scenes of a local fair, gourds and other assorted vegetables of various grotesque sizes were scattered throughout the square. An unmistakable mop of curly greying hair posed proudly next to a zucchini half the size of Hulk - I was fairly certain genetically engineering the plant was cheating and warned him so but somehow Banner managed to persuade the judges into letting him participate, and ultimately win, the competition for the Biggest Zucchini. Some of them were quite shocked at the size of that thing and well - well, their glances were quite contemplative to say the least.

"Damn, Tony, that blonde chick's face tells me all I need to know," I gave a lopsided smirk in the engineer's general direction. That was our thing, you see? He called me these ridiculous cutesy nicknames and asked me about getting my nails done or going to the mall and I'd make salacious comments and go on an occasional flirtatious spree. That was comfortable. We both enjoyed making Peter blush and giggle like the little schoolboy that he was.

"Our Brucie bear is a freak, don't let him tell you any different, Princess," Tony winked at me.

"Oh, I know all about it, Tones," I suggestively wiggled my eyebrows. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Peter groan and palm his face. I briefly bumped my knuckles to Tony's outstretched hand and made my way to the adjacent lab that hosted the second resident crazy scientist.

"Bruce?"

"Oh, hi there, come on in," He smiled warmly at me and I relaxed, shrugging off the tension in my limbs that seemed to appear every time Tony was around me. Banner's soft, friendly nature always made me feel welcomed and appreciated.

We made small talk as I threw on a lab coat and some protective glasses and discarded my bag in the far corner, away from any possible explosions. I congratulated him on his recent victory - here is when I say that despite what most will say, Banner has a serious competitive mean streak and isn't afraid to get down and dirty when it comes to matters of his personal pride.

That's what makes us alike, I think. I have too much dignity and self-respect to walk around Tony with stars in my eyes and hang around his neck like yesterday's tie.

The quiet, even pace of doing lab work made me completely lose track of time. Some time passed as I felt the crick in my neck become noticeable, and the deep ache in my calves from standing and dancing yesterday worsened. I hopped onto the nearest table, hunched over a tablet, eyes skimming over research articles - most of it didn't register at all in the wake of a dull throb behind my temples. My hair limply hung over my face - I had to wash it to get rid of the stench-hard liquor and cigarettes - but I was way too lazy to style it properly.

I ignored the swaying strands until a large palm gently tucked them behind my ear, a white lab coat coming into my field of view. "You okay?" Banner's quiet voice interrupted my reading. I lifted eyes enough to see he was wearing a dorky button-up in some gross shade of blue under the lab coat. His eyes were affectionate behind thinly rimmed glasses.

"Rough Friday night?" He questioned.

I chuckled. "Yeah, I'm hungover as fuck." There was no point in hiding the obvious; I'm sure the bags under my eyes already had tattled on me.

He chuckled, too, leaning his hip against the table, one broad arm coming to wrap around me in a hug. Usually he wasn't so touchy-feely; but I wasn't complaining. Banner was really, really warm. "I'll spare you the lecture on underage drinking," He said with another chuckle.

"Yeah, it's pretty pointless. You'd be three years too late."

A deep sigh left him, both of his arms wrapping around me in a comfortable embrace. I rested my chin on his shoulder, trying my best to really avoid showing how touch-starved I was. I was a hundred percent sure they all figured out my family life was difficult; the last thing I needed was their pity.

"Y'know, we should sit down and talk someday," He said after a brief moment of hesitation. "About your future. College, maybe?"

I gave a non-committal hum, basking in the warmth of the hug, staring straight ahead with unseeing eyes - behind the glass divide, I could faintly distinguish Tony's and Peter's shapes, still bent over that bench the pile of metal.

"You have a lot of potential," Banner continued, his tone developing a gently admonishing hint. "I understand if you want to take some time off from your studies but I'd rather you succeed and not let all that potential go to waste," He finished, patting me on the back with a gentle hand.

I tried not to preen under his touch. "Are you attempting to guilt-trip me over a party, doctor Banner?" I teased him, expecting the smile that I felt being hidden by my hair. Sometimes I felt that I could read the man like an open book, he was so earnest about his interactions.

"I just - we want you to stay safe, okay? Don't blow your future for a little bit of fun," He shrugged carefully.

"Okay, Bruce," I simply replied, meaning it this time

He kept hugging me, running his hand over my back absentmindedly. Probably thinking about his recent science bender. I wasn't upset: my own brain tended to get tangled in personal projects, too. I had only one complaint and it was that the cuddle was making me sleepy.

I yawned, startling the man. Pulling away from the hug wasn't really an option. He was broad and quite strong, probably courtesy of the Hulk and radiation in his blood.

"Why don't we put you in a guest room for tonight?" He inquired and I nodded. "Call your parents for me, okay?"

"My mother is in Vancouver for the week and I doubt she would care anyway," I rolled my eyes. "She's in the middle of some shitstorm with OsCorp and their marketing department." If anything, I was grateful my mother was preoccupied with her job. Being around her was like hanging out on top of an iceberg in the far end of the ocean.

I felt Bruce's frown. His body tensed briefly, blink and you'll miss the hunch of his shoulders. "What about your dad?"

I cringed. "He's been in Ibiza since the season opened, no doubt snorting miles of coke and... " I hesitated. "You can guess the rest."

My dad was kind of a dick, but I don't blame him at all for being the way he is. My parents have been married for twenty years. They were happy, once - I saw their college pictures with my mother's bright smiles and bushy hair, and my dad's terrible fashion sense and their dog, a funny little runt with an atrocious name. Then mother had me and for a while, they were happy too, but it lasted about until she landed her first prospective job. Kind of cliché.

Bruce sighed again. "Okay. You hungry?"

"No, I'm not going near food until tomorrow. Nu-uh," I fake-retched next to his ear, making Bruce shiver and playfully pinch my side.

"It'll help with your hangover. Doctor's advice."

"You're not even that kind of doctor," I laughed, very gently poking him back, somewhere around his stomach. He squirmed.

"I have seven PhDs," Bruce smiled as he rested his chin on top of my head as he adjusted his torso to prevent my fingers from reaching his ticklish spots. I poked him again in retaliation, fully enjoying the snort and squirm I caused. Soft™. "Let's go get you settled in," Bruce, seemingly without any difficulty, picked me up, propping me against his hip like a toddler. It probably looked awkward but what the hell, I haven't been carried around since I can remember myself. My legs wrapped around his hips for balance, butt resting on his forearm.

"You're a showoff," I couldn't help but snort, getting a lopsided smirk in return.

He made his way over to the elevator with me dangling and examining my nails in an expectant fashion. Tony's jokes aside, I really enjoyed getting them done and weird colors were a quest of entertainment for me. I obviously couldn't have them very long because I worked in a lab so I chose outrageous prints and decorations instead. This week, each of my nails had a different style - thankfully my aesthetician was professional enough to make it look somewhat put together even if it took a good chunk of my allowance and an hour long Uber ride to get to her salon.

I noticed the dimmed lights in Tony's lab and none of Peter's usual mess scattered on the tables, figuring he'd already left. Stark himself stood propped against a table, watching something, smoothie in hand.

For only a brief moment, I let my eyes rake over his body, his beautiful, sculpted physique hugged by a pair of fitted jeans and an old Led Zeppelin tee. Tony's handsomeness wasn't obvious, it wasn't in-your-face kind of appearance like Captain America's, but the engineer was built sturdy and his arms - the only bare part of him - were riddled with scars. He used his strong, bulky body for work.

I turned away before I got too ahead of myself. Bruce smelled like lab equipment and rubbing alcohol, something that made me sober up and snap out of my daydream before Stark took notice and started teasing me about ogling him. My once-over lasted barely three seconds yet with Tony's genius, I always had to be on my toes.

I saw movement in my peripheral. Banner waved before entering the elevator - at Tony, probably, so I looked back, seeing the man watching us, content replaced with a contemplating frown. I waved at him, resting my cheek on Bruce's shoulder. "Tony's having a big mood," I noted quietly in the scientist's ear.

"You know Tony," Bruce sighed, adjusting his hold on me as the car ascended to the housing floors. "His brain runs a mile a minute and he can't make sense of it for the biggest part. Give him some time and he'll be back to his annoying self."

I didn't see Tony as annoying in any way, but then again, I was severely biased. The billionaire was quirky venturing into absurd but also clever and brilliant.

We had reached our destination and Bruce carefully set me down on my feet once the door to my room was open. A large queen bed, TV and another door to an adjacent bathroom. It was really simple but luxurious nonetheless - I had the exact same carpet at home, having heard my mother bitch about it's cost after seeing me spill soda on it way too many times.

"I'll let you get settled in. Ask Friday if you need something," Bruce awkwardly shuffled his feet, taking off his glasses and briefly examining them before putting them back on again. "Breakfast here is on the 74th floor starting around 7AM, someone will probably get you around nine if you sleep in," He finished, giving a shy tilt of his lips.

"Thanks, Brucie-bear," The nickname easily slipped from my lips. I didn't resist the urge to hug the kind scientist, quickly wrapping my arms around his middle, delightfully sighing when he immediately returned the gesture.

"Good night, Princess," I had to suppress a happy squeak when the man kissed my forehead before retreating and closing the door behind himself. A quick shower and a quest to find a power outlet to plug my charger into preceded my less than graceful flop into the bed. It felt like sleeping on a cloud, honestly, it had nothing on my mother's orthopaedic memory foam mattresses. I passed out faster than I’d ever had.

[loudsuitlover]

Ohana 3

Jamie

It’s been two days since I’ve last seen Harry. I’m ignoring him like a coward and I know at some point it’s gonna have to end but he hasn’t texted me back since the last text I ignored yesterday afternoon. 

I just don’t know how to tell him. I freaked out. I panicked. And I don’t even know what was that. Why would I kiss him? Moreover, why would he kissed me? He could have literally any girl on the planet, counting on famous people, not famous people- not even any girl but anywho- and he chose me? There must be something wrong with him. 

Charlie turns around holding a box of weetbix on her hand, asking me whether those are the ones I have for breakfast or at least that’s what I think she’s saying. She tilts her head at me and I know she’s caught up with the fact that my mind is anywhere but here. I shake my head, trying to dismiss it, as I lean towards Mateo and caress his hair out of his face. He smiles at me and for a split of a second I forget I’m worried when Charlie’s phone makes a beep sound.

“Harry asks how our day went.” She doesn’t look at me as she types an answer.

“Does he know I’m with you?” 

“Yeah.” She nods. “He asked me about you when you stopped answering his texts and I told him that we were having a girls’ day out today.” 

“What wouldn’t you tell me?” 

“Would it have changed anything?” She shrugs. “Besides, I thought you knew he was interested already and I didn’t want to bother you.” 

This was all Jack’s idea. I was sure of that. Charlie would have given me the hardest time about this had she had it her way, but I’m sure Jack tried to calm her down. I busy myself reading the ingredient charts on cereal boxes as I wait for her to finally allow herself to bother me. 

“Are you still coming tonight?” She asks instead. 

I know Harry is going to be there but it’s not like I can not go to Jack’s promotion party and anyway I’m gonna have to talk to him in person sooner or later. I bite my bottom lip and then I turn to her. 

“Yeah.” I smile. “Mum’s looking after Mateo.” 

Charlie’s hazel eyes burn into mine as she just keeps quite. I don’t quite know whether she has really matured in a matter of months or whether she just doesn’t even know what to say to me. The haircut she just got looks so good on her too, her hair barely skimming her shoulders now. 

“Anyway” she smiles “do you know who keeps asking about you too?” 

I bite my bottom lip again- I keep doing that lately- as I pretend it’s no big deal that she used the word too because Harry also keeps asking about me. I turn to her so that she gets she has my attention. 

“Noah.” She smiles. “You know, it’s funny how you try so hard to stay away from guys’ attention and you still get it.” She laughs. “I mean, I get it, with that angel face of yours.” 

My head spins to her in a matter of seconds and I’m afraid I’ve given myself a whiplash. Did she just use the words angel face? I feel my heart beating ten times faster. 

“But the things is- they both are super nice.” 

Now, here she goes- she’s about to let Charlie take over Jack’s advises now. I hate to admit I like it and I try not to smile as we both walk to the cashier. 

“Like, before I met these guys, I would never think it was possible for someone to kind of outweigh Harry but I gotta say Noah is pretty close. I mean he’s so nice and funny and smart and cute, you know? He’s got a niece, you should see him with her.” She raises her eyebrows. 

I just shake my head at her as I place the groceries on the cash and she excitedly chats with the cashier because that’s just the way she is. It’s pouring rain when we make our way outside the supermarket and I try my best to cover Mateo with my jacket as we wait for the rain to give us a break under the roof of the supermarket entrance when Noah, out of all people, rushes to the supermarket. 

“Oh, hi, girls!” 

He grins like he had just come out of a romcom and I can’t help but hear Charlie’s words in my head as I look at him. I mean, like seriously, it is fucking raining and then here he appears, fully dry which can only means he has a car like a knight in shining armour. I internally roll my eyes as Mateo babbles against my chest. 

“Hi, Noah.” I smile. I’m about to scare him away. “This is Mateo, my son.” 

But Noah just grins wider and that’s the first time someone has reacted like that to me saying my son. He could really be somebody. 

“Of course he’s your son!” He cheers. “Mate he looks exactly like you!” 

My heart skips a beat when Mateo smiles back at him. He’s such a happy baby and I’m such a proud mama and Noah just chuckles at my baby’s cute antics. 

“You girls need a ride?” He offers. “I was going to get something quick for lunch but I can drive you home. It doesn’t look like it’s going to stop raining anytime soon.” 

“We actually could use a ride, yeah.” Charlie answers for us both. “We’ll treat you to lunch actually since you’re going to drive us. It’s the least we can do.” 

Noah smiles and offers to carry some of our bags as we make our way to his car. A black Volvo. Okay, he seems to have money too but then again I don’t know why I’m surprised considering he’s friends with Chloe and Harry and the rest of them. 

The three of us have pasta with zucchini and cream at Charlie’s house while Mateo takes his afternoon nap and we share such a nice conversation, it’s been a long time since I haven’t felt this relaxed, like I have nothing to hide and I can just be Jamie; for Noah has already met Mateo and he’s still being nice to me. I can tell he likes my outfit too, even though it’s just yoga pants and a crop top but I’ve caught him roaming my body up and down with his eyes once or twice and I’d lie if I said I’m not happy about it. It’s nice to know I still have it after giving birth to a child and breastfeeding him every day. 

Noah kept making Mateo laugh until he asked if he could hold him and I happily obliged. He’s been lifting him up in the air and showing him fruits since I handed my baby over to him as Charlie and I make some tea in the kitchen. 

“I told you he’s so cute with babies.” She whispers. 

I just laugh. 

“He loves the feel of mandarins as well” Noah notices as I stare as Mateo’s tiny hands playing with the tangerine “just like my niece.” He shrugs. “I don’t know what is with babies and mandarins.” 

“Maybe it’s the smell too? They smell really good.” I notice. 

“Yeah” he agrees “maybe.” 

After tea and pumpkin biscuits, Noah drives Mateo and me home with the promise of seeing each other again at Jack’s party. He offers to pick me up for it but I politely decline. He’s very sweet and cool and I really like him, but I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. 

I put on a burgundy satin v-back midi dress I bought online while I was pregnant because I had a mental breakdown and started buying a lot of clothes that didn’t fit for some reason but I enjoy the way it looks on me now. I decide on just using some mascara and painting my lips with dark burgundy lipstick instead of going with a full make up-smokey eye kind of look and readjust my bangs as I wait for Charlie to honk at the door. 

I walk with Charlie and Jack along the longest line I’ve ever seen in a club before I even realize we are at the Obleon. I stop them, holding Jack by his elbow as he turns to face me. 

“Eh, guys, how are we even going to get in here?” I ask them. “I thought you said we were going to the Morray’s.” 

“We were” Jack explains “but Gemma suggested that we could go to the Obleon as well, since it was such a special night” he grins every time he remembers he got the promotion after a year of internship with Mr Banks “and I mean there’s no way we would get in without her so of course we said yes.” 

I nod my head before I just follow them. I decide I won’t ask any more questions. This is probably all Harry’s doing anyway. I bet he got us all super VIP access to everywhere in the club and that he just has to say the word for the entire thing to just shut down for him. I don’t know how I feel when we walk past all those people waiting and just casually wait for Gemma to appear right next to the doormen. She finally appears, in a silver sequin short dress and purple lipstick, with such a cheerful smile on her face. She grins excitedly at me, apparently so happy to see me again for some reason and I start hoping everyone feels the same way. 

We follow her through a corridor with purple neon lights and plants on both sides of the wall until we finally make it inside the club and I start getting excited as I have a look around myself to see the Obleon from the inside. I thought I was never going to, to be honest, and to make things better, this is the first time I go to a club- without being absolutely forced to by Charlie- since I got pregnant. I have a look at the stairs, big, majestous, white and marble as they curled their way up to a second floor and since they all look down towards the dance floor, I can see there are three floors. I wonder how people look dancing from the third of them. 

Everyone in the club looks so fancy, but as opposed to the last time I hang out with these guys, I don’t feel too out of it now with my satin dress. I adjust the thin strap on my shoulder as we finally spot the group. I’m glad to find out Chloe’s also excited to see me and I greet the rest of the girls as she happily introduces them all to me. These people are so nice. Charlie comes back with a drink for me on her hand and she raises her eyebrows high when I gladly take it and bring the straw to my lips. As I scan the crowd and get starstruck a time or two, my eyes finally bumped into Harry’s green ones as he’s standing with his friends not that far away from me. He doesn’t look very happy to see me so I turn around and try to get a little farther away from him but Gemma cuts me off and walks me towards him. His friends are nice and they both introduce themselves to me, Jeff and Mitch, but Harry just looks me up and down. No hello, no smile, nothing. So I’m the one to greet him. 

“Hi.” I say. 

He just raises his eyebrows as if he was surprised I have a voice at all. I guess I deserve his behaviour, but he’s still making me feel so uncomfortable and I just want to drop dead in front of him. I almost feel like I should apologize for my existence to him but instead I just look down at both our feet and turn around, keen to just walk away from him and pretend and I never knew him, but he just grabs my elbow and then his hand moves down my arm until our hands intertwine and like that he pulls me along to the stairs. He doesn’t let go of my hand as we make our way along the white marble stairs to the second floor but I guess he’s not worried about anyone snatching a photo of the two of us because this is very private I take it. He only stops when we are standing next to a white column on the second floor and he places himself next to him so I am left facing him, having a nice view of the dance floor from the inner balcony. 

I entertain myself looking for Charlie so that I don’t have to face the apology I owe him. 

“Are you going to tell me what the hell happened?” He starts. He seems mad. “You text me the kiss I gave you was the best kiss you’ve ever been given and then you ignore me?” 

“You only text me once.” I complain, scratching my elbow as I avoid looking at him.

“And I called you and left a voice mail.” 

I look up at his eyes. 

“That you never heard.” He guesses correctly. 

“I never hear my voice mails. No one leaves voice mails anymore.” 

He doesn’t reply to that and I know he’s just waiting for me to explain myself but now I just don’t know what to say. He looks so good on that black suit even though he’s not even smiling but his face is just perfect I swear to God. And somehow the fact that he seems to be hurt by my silence makes me feel special, like he actually has been waiting for me to talk to him, even though I would imagine he would have random sex with girls he never saw again all the time. 

“Are you seeing someone?” 

He blurts out loud and I frown immediately. Under any other circumstances, I would have called him out for calling me a cheater like that- if there’s something I hate that’s lying- but the fact that he sounds jealous almost makes me smile. 

“No! That’s not what this is about.” 

“Then what is it?” 

“I mean... What happened the other night was a mistake.” I lie even though I don’t know I’m lying. 

“You regret it?” 

I can’t lie to him. I don’t know why but I just don’t want to so I can’t say I do because I don’t. God for some reason I am dying for him to kiss me again right now. But... I know it’s silly, it would never work and I would just get hurt yet I don’t want him to know I had thought about a future because he had only kissed me once. I look away from him. 

“I just don’t think it should happen again.” 

He surprises me with silence. I won’t lie, I would like for him to fight me a little on that- to try to convince me, even though I’m sure if he does try he will win me over and I will just get my heart broken at the end of this little game. 

“Okay.” He says instead. “I don’t want to, but I’m going to respect it.” 

I hate that he’s so good. 

“But we can at least be friends, right?” 

I nod. I’m going to suck being his friend but he probably has a thousand and he probably means that just like- let’s say hi when we see each other at Charlie’s- so I take it and offer him my hand. He stares at him with an amused expression before he takes it and we shake hands before we make our way downstairs and join the rest of the group. Charlie gives me a questioning look, as if she wants to know if something happened between us, but I just roll my eyes. Oh, God, what did I just do? 

Out of the corner of my eye, I see him walking back to his friends from before, and I make it a point to stay far away from him. I dance with Gemma and her girlfriends and they all try so hard to make me feel like part of their group that at they end I do. Noah offers me another drink and we both make our way to the bar. I hold on to his shoulder when someone accidentally bumps their elbow into me as they dance and he turns his head to look at me before he offers me his hand. I take it for balance but immediately feel guilty. I don’t want to use him but I also want to take Harry out of my head. When I look at him though, he’s staring at us and he doesn’t look happy. 

I grab the drink that Noah’s offering me and we sip on both our drinks a little so as not to walk back to our friends with the drinks fill to the brim because they would just spill all over the dance floor and that would just be a waste. I’m laughing with him but I am awared the alcohol is helping me a lot because on the back of my mind I keep hearing this voice that’s calling me an idiot for pushing Harry Styles away like that. Secretly, I can’t wait for us to go back to our group so I can eye Harry again but my night gets ruined in a matter of seconds when I do for I see him sitting down with some girls and they’re all gorgeous and laughing at his jokes. I hate to think he could be talking them up like he did me just a week ago. I want to leave. 

I say my goodbye to Noah and he offers to share an Uber so that I don’t have to go home alone but I politely decline because I’m not sure what his intentions really are and I don’t want to have to tell him that no, he can’t come in my home. If he were Harry, I would obviously say yes and invite him inside and I would have him in my bed as I kiss him all over but he’s not so insted I look for Charlie and give her a kiss on the cheek before I hug Jack and congratulate him again for his promotion telling them both I’m leaving. They both offer to wait with me at least until the Uber gets there but I crave for those few minutes alone so I can get my thoughts in a fine line. 

As I wait for my Uber, I try to organize the following day because that’s what I do when I get nervous, to regain some sense of control; but I can’t stop thinking about Harry and his calmed green eyes, and his dimples, and his nose, and his unruly hair and the way he smells and that suit... Why did I have to meet him? I was so put-together before I did. How can I miss someone I barely know and never have had? 

I look down at my phone to check how much longer the uber driver is going to take and I watch it die in my hand. Great. I hate when I run out of battery and even though I know my way home and there’s no need to worry, I start feeling a mild anxiety on the back of my neck when I hear him mumbling. 

“Come on, pick up, pick up.” 

I turn around to face him and he looks at me with bright green eyes, his phone still on his ear even though his mouth is agape and he’s not saying a word. He hangs up and stands in front of me. 

“I was calling you.” He admits. 

“My phone died.” I show him. 

“You’re alone?” He frowns. 

I nod. 

“I thought you had left with Noah.” 

Who would have thought he was the jealous type? 

“And that’s why you called?” He doesn’t answer. “Well now you see I didn’t, you can go back to your girlfriends. You almost have the blond, the brunette is playing hard to get.” I look ahead. I am jealous too. 

“I’m not interested in any of them.” He breathes. “That’s why I came after the girl I like even though she said she wants nothing to happen between us.” 

I feel him talking on my ear as he stands right behind me. He’s very close and I’m a little alarmed by his behaviour because we’re outside the club now and I bet this is full of papparazzis and whatnot. I swallow the lump in my throat. If I feel his breath against my neck again my knees might fail me. I’m desperate for him to touch me. 

“Let me take you home.” He whispers on my ear. 

That’s it, I’m a goner. I don’t even think about it because there’s nothing to think.

“You are trouble.” I whisper back. 

I hear the air coming out through his smile before he presses a chaste kiss on my temple and his arms are wrapping around my waist as he pulls me to him. 

“Nah.” He reassures me but I know he’s lying. 

He ends up paying my Uber just for the driver to walk away before he’s calling his driver. He tells me he doesn’t enjoy much fancy things, but that he can’t just have anyone driving to his house, so that he can keep as much of the little privacy he has left safe, and it almost seems funny to me that he is justying himself. 

I lean my head on the window of the car and enjoy the feel of his hand agains my thigh as he draws circles against the satin of my dress. I have two options now: I can either crawl back to my comfort zone and push him away and avoid him for the rest of the time he stays in London, which I don’t think it’s going to be much anyway; or I can stop fighting him and enjoy him as long as he decides to stay around and then he’ll leave and things will go back to normal. I’ll deal with the heart break when I have to. 

When we make it to his apartment, this time he doesn’t waste any time and pushes me against the door as soon as he closes it kissing my lips passionately as if he had been waiting forever to do that. I can’t help but moan against his lips as I feel a fierceness in his kisses I haven’t felt before. His hands circle my waist and raise my satin dress against my flanks and it feels funny between my legs. 

“I have been thinking about this since you left last time.” He confesses between kisses. 

I just softly gasp as my form of agreement. I hope he understands. How can I be this attracted to a man I barely know? But I understand all his fans now, I understand why he gets all that much attention, he really is magnetic and God he smells so good and his skin is so soft. I’m going crazy for him. I press my hips against his and feel him smile against my mouth. 

“You know, for someone who didn’t want this to happen again, you seem to be enjoying it.” He smirks. 

I’m about to attack him with a come back when he starts kissing my neck. His tongue lick a single stripe on the skin right below my ear and the air in my lungs... gone. 

“Oh, shut up” I tangle my fingers on his hair and he presses his hips against mine this time, letting my feel how hard he is already “and take me to your bed.” 

He growls against my neck, pressing his body against mine and pushing me further against the door. I’m so turned out I think I might burts into flames. I haven’t had sex in forever but somehow I’m not even nervous, the only thing I can think about is him coming in and out of me. 

“Are you sure?” He whispers. 

“Please.” 

He keeps kissing me as he makes me walk backwards towards the stairs and then he laughs when I trip on the first step. 

“Yeah” he laughs “maybe it’s better” he keeps interrupting himself by kissing my lips- not that I’m complaining- “if we just climb the stairs like normal people.” 

“What?” I tease him, tangling my fingers on his hair again so I can have control of the kiss “You don’t think you can make it like they do in the movies?” 

He smiles against my lips and I take advantage of that to kiss his neck. He throws his head back to grant me more access and I smile at the way he seems to be melting down on my hands. He chuckles but he sounds so turned on it only edges me on. I feel his hands grabbing my bum and I moan against his skin, pushing my hips against his desperately. 

“Rise your dress up your legs.” He half orders and my knees shake. 

I help him rise my dress up my legs like he said so now it’s a mess around my waist and then I feel his big hands against the bare skin of the back of my thighs pulling me up so that my legs wrap around his waist. He smiles at me before his lips are on mine and then he makes his way up the stairs not stopping until he’s pushing me on his bed, lying on top of me and kissing me passionately. 

“I love to feel you smile when I kiss you.” He whispers. “It means you want me too.” 

I don’t fail to get the meaning of his words so I pull away from his mouth and cup his face with my hands making him look at me. 

“Of course I want you too.” I confess. “The only reason I didn’t want this to happen again was because I don’t want to get hurt.” Now I don’t know why I just said that. 

I see his green eyes looking into both of mine and I know a hundred thoughts are running through his mind. I probably did scare him away with the thought of a future thing. I want to flinch but instead I hold his gaze and caress his cheek. 

“I’m not going to hurt you.” He whispers. 

I nod, pretending I believe him, even though somehow, I actually kind of do. 

“I wasn’t planning on telling you anything tonight after you ignored me” he smiles timidly “but I got mad the second I saw you tonight because fuck me you look so fucking sexy... And I thought I wasn’t going to have you.” 

I smile and caress the skin on the back of his neck as I enjoy the intensity of his stare on me. He caress my bottom lip with his index finger. 

“It also made me mad to think that you hadn’t thought about me like I had thought about you.” He confesses. “And... then when I saw you with Noah... I want to murder the guy.” 

I laugh, kissing the tip of his nose before I press a peck to his lips. I don’t know what this is. All these confessions on his bed, even before we’ve had sex, but I feel like I should tell him some secret too. 

“I haven’t gotten you out of my head since the other night either.” I whisper. 

He smiles, like that was all he needs before he leans over me and captures my lips with his again. He kisses me slower this time, more calmly, as if he was taking his time and I let myself enjoy the way his hands move againts my skin. He presses slow kisses down my neck and I let him explore my chest as he kisses my sternum, slowly pulling the strap down my shoulder with his fingers so my chest is more exposed to him. I know he can feel my erratic heartbeat but I don’t even mind he knows. 

He looks up at me and smiles mischievously and I know he’s asking for my permission to take his expedition along my body lower so I smile, granting him access. With one hand around my waist, the other grabs the hem of my dress and pulls it up until my belly is exposed. The hand that held my waist moves and caresses the strip of skin in contact with my hazel colour lace underwear and my skin burns from his touch. Once again he grabs the hem of my dress with one hand, the other lifting my back by my waist and he takes it off, delicately dropping it next to his bed as he stares into my eyes, after gaining control over his again after they dropped to bra covered chest. 

“You are so beautiful.” He whispers. 

“Leave the bra on.” 

I am panicking too hard to even take his compliment. The last thing I need is for him to breastfeed himself accidentally. I almost want to cry from embarrassment and he doesn’t even know milk can come out of my breasts yet. I don’t think I want to tell him. He frowns and I can tell I’m panicking because of the concer on his face. He presses his lips against mine and kisses me very slowly until I feel the tension leaving my body. 

“Okay.” 

He doesn’t question it and I just want to scream how grateful I am for that but then 

“Oh.” I moan. 

He just presses his hardness between my thighs and only then I realize my legs are spread wide opened granting perfect access for him to do that and shut me up just like that. He’s so hard and hot and I know I’m so wet and ready for him. He’s stopped kissing me and instead he just stares at me as he pushes his hardness against my clothed centre again and I just bite my bottom lip, my eyes almost rolling to the back of my head, but I don’t want to miss the way he’s enjoying the realization of his effect on me. He keeps doing that, gently but firmly rocking his hips against me while he intently stares at me and I keep whimpering and sinking my head against his pillow until he takes that as an invitation to kiss my neck. 

“Fuck” he whispers in my ear “I’m so hard for you.” 

“I want you.”

It’s like my sex has taken control over me for those words leave my mouth without my consent but I know I’ve said them because of the way he’s looking at me. His eyes are still fixated on mine as his hand glide up my thigh until it’s on my knee and gently pushes it to my armpit so that I’m impossibly more opened for him and then that same hand starts caressing the inner side of my tight before he cups my crotch with his hand and his fingers move against my entrance. His lips are brushing mine as he speaks. 

“Can I take these off?” 

I know he’s asking because of the bra thing but still his question makes my walls clench and I think he can tell considering where his hand is. I nod and kiss him again as my hands pull him closer to him. Goosebumps form in every part of skin he touches and I didn’t know it was going to feel so good to get rid of my underwear until he did. He careses his way back along my thighs and then squeezes my bum and has me like a moaning mess on his mouth. 

I am trying to decide whether I want to fight my heavy lids and keep my eyes opened to see his every move or whether I should just go with what comes natural and let them shut and just feel him all over me. I feel his weight on top of me before he presses his hard on against my naked sex and only then I realize he’s still wearing his suit pants. Before I can even organize my thoughts, my hands go straight to work and I find myself expertly unbuttoning his trousers as if I had done it many times before. I’m glad he isn’t wearing a belt for it would have been another barrier to have him like I want. He pushes his trousers down his legs as he hungrily kisses me and I can feel his breath erratic inside my mouth. 

I cup his face and kiss him with an affection I didn’t know I had for him and it scares the hell out of me to think he might leave tomorrow or worse, that he could stay for long enough for me to fall in love and then eventually go- not to mention how fast he’d run if he knew I have a son. But I don’t have to think about that now. I have him, naked, on top of me. 

“Harry” I exhale. 

“Can I have you now?” 

I only have to look at him for my body to scream at him that he can have me however he wants. I can’t barely see any green left in his eyes as his pupils have dilated and he stares at me like a hunter and I can’t help but wish he would devour me. But the moment I feel his hardness pressed against my entrance, I tense like a block of ice and I know he can tell because he abruptly stops his movements on top of me. 

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to.” He whispers. 

I am blushing hard and I feel the heat coming up my neck towards my cheeks. I want to look away from him. I’ve never been more embarrased in my life. But he cups my cheek and presses a sweet kiss against my lips. 

“I don’t mind, Jamie.” 

But he’s naked and so am I and I’m dying for him. It’s just...

“I haven’t had sex in fifteen months.” 

My chest is going up and down as he tries to manage his surprise but his eyes betray him as they open wide. His lips are parted before he licks them and pulls my hair away from my forehead. 

“That’s okay.” He reassures me. “There’s no rush” he smiles “and we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” 

“But I... I do want to. I want you.” I reassure him and he nods, smiling. “I’m just afraid it’s going to hurt.” I confess. 

He smiles at me before he presses our mouths together again and my tongue is moving against him as if trying to let him know all those things I haven’t told him. That I have a child, that I’m afraid I’m not going to be what he expect, that I’m afraid giving birth has changed me forever. But also that despite having a child, I don’t have much experience anyway, that I only had one boyfriend before, that we didn’t experiment much but then his kisses start travelling down my body and I feel him leaving soft but sensual kisses against my sternum and between the valley of my breasts and right at the pit of my stomach. I feel hot pufs of air against my soaked, swollen sex and when I look down at him, our eyes meet and I know what his mouth is hovering and I feel my heart beating on my throat. 

“Wait, what are you doing?” 

He holds my thighs and pulls them over his shoulders and I feel incredibly exposed to him which makes me so nervous I involuntarily try to close my legs. Harry looks up at me. 

“What are you doing?” He smiles and then I see realization hits him. “Wait, you’ve never been eaten before?” 

I know the skin of my face has gotten redder than a poppy and I must look horrified because he chuckles at my reaction.

“Eaten?” I shudder at his filthy moath. “I... No, no one’s ever done that.” 

“Why?” He asks. 

I rub my forehead and swallow my own saliva. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. It might be the refusal of how much I actually want this. I hope he can tell by the way I’m looking at him because if I actually have to say it I might start crying. I didn’t know this was so embarrassing, but he’s still face to face with my love door. 

“Sorry, I just assumed” he apologies “because you’re so sexy and... Confident and... I don’t know, but I kind of like no one has been lucky enough before.” He smiles like the devil. “Can I be the first?” 

I know he understands by the way he grins at me but I nod anyway, wanting to make the consent explicit, and then I shut my eyes and throw my head back, too embarrassed to look at how he’s going to steal my innocence with his mouth. My mouth agapes and I let out a suffocated moan when his tongue grazes my lips.  

I don’t know what’s going on, but the more he moves his tongue against my skin the more I feel like I’m not even touching the bed. I feel like a intruder in my own body, like I have lost all control over all my emotions. Like I didn’t even know myself. For the next minutes I feel as I don’t own myself but rather Harry does and I feel my mind getting further and further away as his tongue dances around persuasively, every now and then sucking at my clit or delicately licking it to bring some calm back to my fluttering chest. 

I can feel Harry smiling against me every now and then and I reward his amazing performance with loud moans. He’s moaning too even though I would never imagine this would be pleasurable for him as well but every time he moans I feel the vibration against my clit and I just can’t take it anymore. I pull from his hair as I cum and surprise myself with that because I hadn’t even noticed I had tangled my fingers on his hair. 

When I come back from my high, his face is inches apart from mine and his body is once again over mine. He’s grinning at me, getting the shinning away from the corner of his mouth with his fingers. I’m still struggling to breath when I talk. 

“That didn’t hurt, did it?” He grins like a naughty child and despite how embarrassing that still was, I find myself laughing out loud. “I love making you laugh.” 

I smile at him. What I’m about to tell him makes me shy.

“That felt incredible.” 

He grins proudly before he nods, taking the compliment. He presses his lips against mine in a sweet peck but I’m curious so I let my tongue out, licking his bottom lip, and he smiles at the realization of my petition, opening his mouth for me. I lick his tongue, tasting myself on it, and the salty taste and the thought that it was me who gave that to him makes me moan. 

“I can’t believe no one has ever tasted you.” 

I smile. It’s funny to me how he says no one, as if there had been many before him. 

“I haven’t been with that many guys.” I confess. 

“Haven’t you?” 

I shake my head. I hope he helps him understad why I ran away from him and ignored him and pushed him away and all the other stupid things I did before this. 

“I am not... Very experienced. I hope you don’t think I’m weird.” I caress his cheek. 

He presses a sweet kiss against my lips. 

“I don’t. I actually love the idea of being the first one to eat your pussy.”

“Harry!” 

My face reddens completely as I swat his chest playfully and he laughs out loud. He loves to embarrass me. He kisses my lips as soon as he manages to stop laughing and I enjoy the fact that he likes kisses this much. I’m a big fan of kisses myself.

“You’re such a good kisser.” He whispers against my lips. 

He’s the one saying that? I love kissing him and I have to recognize it’s not only for the way he responds to it, but also because... Well, because it’s him. 

[aliceslantern]

Grow, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 8

Suddenly human and abandoned in the Keyblade Graveyard, Demyx struggles to survive and come to terms with what his life is. Only by chance is he saved from exposure, and brought to Radiant Garden to recover. Unsure of who he is and where to even begin, Demyx finds a kindred spirit in Ienzo, and before long finds perhaps he isn't the only one lost in this new life. But how can they move forward with so much holding them back?

Roughly canonverse, Zemyx, hurt/comfort. Started for Zemyx day (9/6). Updates Wednesdays until it's done.

Chapter summary:  Demyx remembers something. A night spent with Ienzo has unintended consequences.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

Demyx found himself spending a lot of time in the new garden, more than was asked for by the restoration committee. He found the work tough but soothing; it was much more bearable once the undergrowth was cleared and they could do with the land what they wanted. He spent some weeks planting and tending to these tiny seeds; feeding and watering, coaxing tomato plants around trellises. As spring wore towards summer, his sunburns started giving way to a hesitant tan.

It was nice to make something with his hands. Different than music. Less subjective. He knew he was doing well because the little plants were flourishing.

He was trimming down some browned leaves on one of the zucchini plants (a rainstorm had overwatered them) when he heard a voice.

“...So this is where you spend all your time.” Dilan. He, too, looked odd in casual clothes. He had a bag slung over one shoulder.

“I volunteered for the committee. They put me here.”

He reached forward and touched the tops of one of the carrot plants. “Found your green thumb?”

“Sort of. I guess. It feels… nice to do something with my hands.”

“Perhaps you might help us do restoration work in the castle,” he said. “All those gardens. They could use some work.”

Demyx didn’t know what to make of it. “Um, maybe.”

A pause. Neither of them seemed to know what to say.

“So, uh, what are you doing in town?” Demyx asked.

He smiled. “I’m not always on duty.”

“Do you like being a guard?”

“...I like it more than the alternative.”

“That’s fair.”

“I do not wish to go back to research. But without it… My life seems… open.”

Demyx considered this. “I know what you mean.” He couldn’t be sure how old Dilan was exactly. Mid thirties? Maybe a little older? “What would you do? If you could go anywhere or do anything?”

A pause. His violet eyes grew forlorn. “I rather liked France,” he said. “The food. The culture. It’s a gorgeous little world. City of romance, and all that.”

“Why not go back?”

“One should not drink from wells one has poisoned.” He smiled.

Organization stuff. “Oh,” Demyx said. “Does this place feel like home?”

Dilan took a breath. “Not quite,” he said. “So much has changed. Most of all us. I have so much to… make up for before I can even consider leaving.”

Ienzo. They lied to me. He nodded once.

“Have you thought about going home?”

“I can’t remember it still,” Demyx admitted. “But I… I don’t know. It’s not so bad here.” Ienzo was here.

“It isn’t,” Dilan agreed. “Well. I should head back.”

“Mind if I come with? I’m just about done.”

He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter to me.”

Demyx stood and brushed the dirt off his hands. He felt a sharp pulse of pain in his lower back, disorienting him, and he winced.

Dilan frowned. “Are you alright?”

He swallowed the anxiety. The pain seemed to be fading. “I was just sitting funny.”

“If you say so.”

---

Maybe it was because of that, but Demyx found himself dreaming of the desert. The sharp hot wind. Aching thirst, a pounding headache. A feeling of weakness. His vision swarming, he walked.

He saw a flicker--he thought he saw someone running-- “Wait, please, help--” He gasped, his throat too dry to make real words.

The flicker came back.

A girl with orange hair and a white dress--

“I know you,” he said. “I know--” He coughed.

“I’m sorry,” the girl said. “But I have to do it.”

“Don’t join them,” he said. “It’s--Strelly, it’s a cult.”

A hot wind. “I have to,” she said. “I was… I was asked to. If we don’t do something we’re all going to die. I don’t want you to die.”

“...Pretty sure Elrena feels otherwise.”

A small smile. Her face was indistinct. “She doesn’t actually hate you, you know.”

“...I know.”

“Tell me you’ll think about it?”

“...I’ll think about it.”

“Good. Now I gotta go. I’m finally going to meet my friend!” She started walking backwards, fading into nothing. “You’re right, I have to talk to them.”

“I thought we were… friends…”

---

Demyx woke up. There were tears on his face, and he felt like utter crap. A hot ring of nausea tightened around his throat. He ran into the bathroom and was promptly sick. He sat for a while, heaving, crying. After too long he found the strength to get up and brush his teeth.

He, Elrena, and this girl Strelitzia had been friends. Was that right? Something about a decision, about her asking him to join her and he hadn’t because it felt like a cult.

People in robes and animal masks.

“God,” he hissed, pressing a hand to his forehead. Had he always been coerced into cults? Was it that Elrena blamed him for letting this girl end up in one?

It was still so unclear.

The memory of the desert made his skin dry, so he showered. After that, he struggled to sleep. He wanted to be with Ienzo, to hold him. To breathe in his smell.

Demyx couldn’t. Could he? He bit his lip and considered. But the heaviness of his heart was only getting worse and his mind echoed with your fault your fault.

He took a deep breath. He opened the door to his room and headed down the hall towards Ienzo’s. He’d only been inside it a couple of times, and always in passing. It was always a bit messy--books and papers everywhere--a strange mishmash of the person he was when he was a child and now. He cracked open the door and saw Ienzo asleep--curled on his side, crumpled together like it hurt. He took a tentative step towards him.

The floor creaked.

Ienzo jerked awake, grabbing a pocket knife from the bedside table, cupping his throat.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he said.

“Demyx? What are you--”

“I’m sorry.”

He turned on the bedside lamp. “Are you upset?”

“I thought if maybe I was near you--” Then, realizing how pathetic that sounded, “I’ll go.”

“No, don’t.” He opened his mouth, closed it. He slid over on the mattress and opened the blankets. “Come. It’s alright.”

Demyx lay down next to him. Ienzo took off his glasses and set them on the bedside table.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Ienzo asked.

He nodded. “About the desert.” And a memory. “I don’t want to talk about it. I just wanted… to not be alone.”

“It’s alright. Try and relax.” Ienzo brushed some of the hair out of his face. “Would you like me to hold you?”

A rush of humiliation made his eyes water. “Please.” Ienzo pulled him close. Demyx pressed his face against his chest, needing the steady beat of his heart. Once the worst of the fear subsided, he managed, “do you always stab people who come into your room?”

“Whenever I do actually manage to fall asleep--it makes me feel a little safer, to have the knife. I… still fear being backed into a corner.”

“...Of course,” Demyx said softly. Breathing in his smell was helping. “Do you think we’ll ever be able to move on?”

A long pause. “I don’t think so.”

“Oh.”

“But I do think it’ll get easier.”

“It’s been easier since we started this.”

“...Yes.” He pressed a kiss against Demyx’s hair. “Try to sleep, okay?”

After a long time, Demyx did, deep and dreamlessly and peacefully. When he finally woke, it was with a little start; Ienzo had pulled away.

“Go back to sleep. I have to get ready for work.”

“Don’t go.”

“I have to. And so do you in a few hours.” He kissed him. “I’d like to see you later.” He ran his hand along Demyx’s jaw, the stubble. “Bit scratchy.”

“I can shave.”

“I kind of like it.” One last kiss. “You can stay.”

“No, I should… get up.” Demyx sat up and stretched. “We got a fuckload of letters yesterday and I didn’t get around to sorting all of them.”

He smirked. “You? Wanting to get a head start on your work?” He pressed a hand to Demyx’s forehead.

“Har, har--”

A knock at the door. They both tensed; Ienzo had gone pale. “Ienzo, I have a question about these scribbles ,” they heard Even say. “Might we discuss it on our way down?” The doorknob jiggled. Ienzo pressed hard against the door.

“Don’t come in. I’m getting changed.” He bit his lip. “Just--go down, we can discuss it then.”

“ Fine. ” He muttered some things that were indistinct. Ienzo let go of the door.

“That was close,” Demyx said.

“...Quite.” A reddish blush heated his face.

“You don’t want them to know about us, do you?”

“It’s not that ,” Ienzo said, just a touch too quickly. “It’s just…” He stammered. “Complicated.”

“They don’t know you’re gay?”

“They wouldn’t care about that.”

It started to become clear. “Is it because it’s me?”

“No,” he said, his tone not convincing.

Demyx got up. He squeezed Ienzo’s shoulder. “I get it. I’ll see you around, okay?”

---

Of course.

Of course.

For a while Demyx ached vaguely. He refused to let himself cry over it. He’d been seeing this as more serious than it was. Ienzo had first kissed him by accident. Would he really want something real?

Did Demyx?

(He thought of how safe he’d felt last night in his arms.)

Would Even and the others be as friendly if they knew what had happened? Demyx wasn’t good enough, he wasn’t smart enough. He realized he’d been allowing himself to think about a life for them--

“You alright, laddie? You’ve been staring at that letter for ten minutes.”

“Ah--sorry.” Demyx forced a smile. “Rough morning. Need more coffee.” He set the letter into its appropriate spot. He made a show of going over to the coffee machine and pouring a cup.

“Well. If you ever need time, let me know,” Scrooge said. “We can’t make money when we don’t feel well.” He walked over to the other side of the shop.

Demyx tried to drag himself out of the miserable haze. He made small talk with his coworkers, with the customers. He ran a small delivery across town. It made his back ache again, so he sat down for a little while. He texted Lea to distract himself.

Hey.

Demyx! How’s it going?

Alright. Trying to kill some time at work.

Work??? A job??? Good for you.

It’s not bad. Sometimes I have too little to do.

Too LITTLE? Are you feeling okay?

Har har.

So what do you do?

I work at the post office. Off world letters and deliveries. Stuff like that.

Sounds… actually pretty interesting.

It can be. Sometimes. I actually like being kept busy now. Keeps me from thinking too hard.

Really, DO YOU FEEL OKAY. A pause. Then, I know what you mean. Memories and thoughts and stuff? Icky.

Very icky, Demyx agreed.

If it gets TOO icky, come visit, Lea wrote. Sometimes a change in scenery can make a world of difference.

Maybe I will. That is a threat.

Ha ha. Now get off your phone and get back to work.

He felt marginally better. He sorted some more letters. Jotted part of a composition on a napkin, but it was making him too sad, so he threw it away. He was under the counter trying to dig out a roll of stamps when he heard a “hello?”

Demyx yelped and bumped his head against the counter. “Sorry. Can I, uh… help… you…” He trailed off, seeing Ienzo.

“I have a letter I need sent,” he said. Nothing in his face or tone indicated Demyx was any more than an employee. “Could you help me?”

He swallowed. “Sure. Where to?”

“It’s local.” He handed over an envelope, address facing down, and a small bill. “Will that cover postage?”

“Um… yep.” He gave Ienzo his change. “It’ll probably get to them by tomorrow. Or sooner.”

“Or sooner,” Ienzo echoed. “Thanks for your help.”

For a minute, Demyx stood holding the letter, feeling tears well. He was going to need to take a break and have a good cry, wasn’t he? Pathetic. No wonder Ienzo wanted nothing to do with him when there were actual real-life implications--

He flipped the letter over. It was addressed to him. He took a sharp breath. Put up his “back after lunch” sign. Demyx headed to the back of the office, where he had a small bit of privacy. His hands were trembling, and he gave himself a papercut on the smooth, heavy paper. But the letter inside was written on looseleaf, and looked like it had been crumpled and smoothed a few times.  He began bracing himself for more pain.

Demyx,

You must forgive me. I am so clumsy and so, to a degree, still unable to realize the impacts of my actions. I feel I’ve been using you and that’s not fair to you.

After this morning I was made to see this liaison in context, and take in all the complications. I realized I was afraid of petty judgement from those who have hurt me. I do not owe anyone explanations. You don’t deserve to be dangled endlessly while I work through problems.

Demyx almost threw up.

However, I find the idea of ending this to be painful and wholly unappealing. You make me feel. You allow me to feel, to truly be human, to see myself outside of what I’ve done. Part of it is that person scares me. I do not know him. He is a stranger, weak and vulnerable. But I need him, and I want you to help me keep finding him.

That… and I simply enjoy time with you. I enjoy seeing who you truly are. Someone who wants to work hard and to grow. Perhaps it is selfish of me, but I wish to see who you are when you’re vulnerable too.

I can deal with petty judgement. With any luck, we can prove them wrong. They were always wrong about you, after all.

If any of this makes any sense… please meet me tonight in the garden. I’ll be waiting.

Ienzo.

Oh.

His heart was beating faster now.

Ienzo was choosing him.

He didn’t know how he was going to be able to pass the time until later.

[shels-kpop-main]

Moments, pt. 4 (Roger Taylor x reader)

Word Count: 2524

Warnings: See below.

A/N: Hey everyone. Just a warning, the angst in this one is more like heartbreak. I’ve mentioned to a few people that I myself lost my dad recently. Just like Joe, and just like the main character/reader in this story. This was a hard chapter to write. I cried a lot. But I think there’s a wealth of emotional depth that can be tapped into with the subject of losing a parent, so I didn’t want to shy away from it. Trigger warning if you have ever lost a parent. Trigger warning for taking someone off life support. This chapter is a heart wrenching one, but I promise things will be much easier in the next chapter. And remember, if you ever want to talk to someone about your struggles, I will always listen. Alright. I love you guys. Let’s get this out of the way.

It was almost dark when you woke up. The side of your face was wet and it leaked over onto the pillowcase. Whether the water was from tears or drool, you weren’t sure. But you wiped your face and got up, feeling even more exhausted than you had before. Roger nearly fell onto your legs when you pulled your bedroom door open. You jumped back in surprise, as he struggled to sit himself up. “What are you doing?” You asked, out of pure confusion. Roger got up and brushed off his pants, red in the face. “You seemed upset, so I… I, uh…” He trailed off, realizing in that moment that he didn’t have a plan or even a real reason to be there. “I just…waited. Here,” he finished, awkwardly gesturing at the spot on the floor he’d just occupied. You folded your arms, almost amused. “Right. Okay. Well, I’m hungry so I was gonna go fix some dinner.” You moved past him, shoulders brushing his, and started off down the stairs. Roger traipsed down behind you. He reminded you of a Golden Retriever following its human.

“We picked up loads of stuff at the market this week,” Roger sounded chipper. You hated it. “Surely we’ll find something we can make into a meal.” “We?” You asked him. He shrugged sheepishly as you walked through the living room. You looked at the fireplace, and felt momentarily better. “Well, I mean, you. If you’d like to cook for two.” “And what will you do?” You asked, more out of interest than interrogation. Roger gestured widely to himself, grinning. “Keep you company, of course,” he replied. You rolled your eyes, but smiled. Roger was happy with this, and spent the next hour talking your head off as you made grilled cheese sandwiches and steamed vegetables. He talked about everything under the sun—his favorite moments from their last tour, his new car, how much he hated Brian’s latest song. And you listened to all of it. Because he was fun to watch. Without your camera in hand, you could take time to just focus on Roger’s presence. His expressions, hand movements, even the slight changes in his vocal intonations as he went from subject to subject. You were giving him a muted smile as he ranted about some magazine that had given Queen a less-than-stellar review. But you stared at him too long, and Roger was interrupted by the smell of vegetables burning. “Is that supposed to be burning?” “Damn it!” You nearly shouted, lifting the pan off the stove to cool down. Roger just laughed as you stirred through the charred remains of what would have undoubtedly been the healthiest thing he’d put in his body all week. You grumbled, sifting through the burned veggies to salvage any that you could. “Should pay closer attention, love,” Roger smirked. “Shut up,” you retorted, smacking Roger on the shoulder with a dish towel. Roger mocked you with feigned offense, whining that you’d hurt him. You giggled and smacked him again, as he took off around the counter. He clutched at his shoulder dramatically as you laughed, still chasing him through the kitchen with the towel. When you were sure you had him cornered between the counter and the wall, Roger reached out and yanked the towel from your hands. You weren’t quick to let go of it, however, and you fell forward when he jerked. You all but knocked him over, laughing the whole way. But Roger expected you to put up a fight, and he reached out to steady you. You were sure that his fingers brushing along the gap between your sweater and your jeans was no accident. But you liked it, and you didn’t move away from him right away. You separated yourself from him after a moment of laughter by gently pushing against his chest. He was still holding the towel, and slung it over his shoulder. You turned away from him, focusing again on the meal you were trying to prepare. Your cheeks were a light tinge of pink, and you were glad Roger couldn’t see. You flushed easily, and you knew Roger wasn’t going to let it go without making fun of you at least a little. You slid the sandwiches out of their pan, and set them down next to the small pile of vegetables that weren’t burned. You shoveled all of these veggies onto Roger’s plate, handing it to him. He pulled the towel from his shoulder and looked at the food in disgust. “You want me to eat those? By myself?” Roger wrinkled his nose, and you pushed the plate closer to him. “Yes. There’s not that many. Besides, I think it must have been weeks since you’ve eaten a vegetable.” “What even is this,” Roger muttered bitterly, sifting through the contents of his plate. “Carrots, cauliflower…squash?” “Zucchini,” you corrected him, handing him a napkin. “You should know, you bought it.” “Nah, love, that was all Brian.” “At least one of you cares about your own diet.” “He only eats healthy cause he has to. He won’t eat meat,” Roger retorted. You got yourself a sandwich and sat next to him at the bar. The two of you munched on your dinners in silence. For all of Roger’s complaining about the healthy part of his meal, he ate his vegetables quickly. “You know, those weren’t half bad,” he admitted, after clearing his plate. You rolled your eyes. “I’m a decent cook, when I’m paying attention,” you said wryly. Roger grinned, picking up your plates and bringing them to the sink. You joined him as he washed them. Or tried to; it was clear Roger hadn’t done many chores in his life. You folded your arms, leaning against the counter. Roger’s shoulder almost brushed yours every time he reached over to put a plate or fork on the drying rack. But you zoned out, remembering the events of the afternoon. Y/N Playing with Dad You weren’t sure which film the label was referring to—you probably hadn’t seen it. Your parents made an excessive number of home movies throughout your childhood, and there had never been enough time for you watch them all. Still, the title was enough to drop a rock into your stomach. Not seeing it was almost worse than having to actually watch it. Roger glanced up at you as he finished the dishes. You were lost in thought, arms still folded. Roger didn’t like the way your brows furrowed. You almost looked on the verge of tears again. It made him uneasy seeing you that way. Roger looked around, eyes searching for a distraction. The only things in front of him were a fake decorative plant, a drying rack full of dishes, and a sink still filled to the brim with soapy water. He came up with something that was sure to either annoy you or make you laugh. He stuck one finger into the soap suds and picked up a small scoop of bubbles. Then, without warning, he touched your nose, leaving the bubbles there. You frowned, looking down your nose at the shiny, white suds. Then, you started laughing. Roger was relieved as you laughed so hard you almost cried. You were amused that the only thing he thought to do was to stick soap bubbles to your nose. You wiped your face with a towel, smiling at him and shaking your head. “Cute,” you muttered with light-hearted sarcasm. But your face fell again, because you couldn’t help it. You thought of your dad, and how much you missed him. And your heart broke a little bit. Roger turned to face you, frowning. “Hey,” he said softly. But you couldn’t bring yourself to look up at him. “Please look at me,” he pleaded, in that same hushed tone. You looked up at the ceiling, then finally to him. “How can I fix it?” “Oh, Rog,” you grimaced, reaching up to brush his cheek with your fingers. He smiled at the touch. “You can’t fix it,” you told him, defeated. Roger shook his head. “Well, what’s wrong?” You shook your head, pulling your hand back to your side. “Hey, you can tell me. I won’t judge. We’re friends, y’know?” You looked at Roger again, a sense of apprehension creeping up inside you. “Jim didn’t tell any of you why I’m here?” Roger was taken aback by the question. “Well, no. Not really. He just said you were here because you needed to get away from family stuff. The same thing he said yesterday when I asked.” You hesitated. Roger had asked about you yesterday? He cared enough to check on you, especially with Jim? He knew Jim was wary of him because of his reputation. But you didn’t have time to dwell on that. You pressed on, swallowing the lump in throat. This wasn’t the first time you’d had to explain your circumstances, but it was never easy. “I’m here because… Because I lost my dad last year. And I had to get out of Texas. Out of the country, really. Just…away from there. Where it happened.” You rubbed your face as Roger took in the gravity of your words. He lifted his arms to hug you, but you crossed the kitchen before he could reach you. “So, anyway. That’s my deal,” you gestured at yourself, not knowing where to go from there. Roger walked up to you, looking upset. “I’m sorry,” he replied. You shook your head at him. “Don’t,” you warned, tears spilling over onto your cheeks. “Don’t pity me. I’m doing alright. I’m working through it.” Roger nodded, biting his lip. “What happened yesterday? If I can ask?” “My mom sent me some old home movies. One of them was about my dad.” “Oh,” was all he could come up with. “I haven’t watched it,” you told him. “I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it.” “That makes sense,” Roger acknowledged. You rubbed your arms, suddenly cold. Roger went to grab a blanket out of a basket by the door. You let him bring it to you, and threw it around yourself. “I don’t want to talk about this any more,” you said firmly. “I’ve had enough heavy talk for one day.” “’S alright with me, love,” Roger responded. He scrunched his face up in thought for a moment, then grinned at you. “We could build another fire?” His tone was mischievous. Your heart did a somersault in place, and you giggled without meaning to. “Sure, that sounds good.”

“Where is everyone?” You asked as the two of you trotted across the lawn. Roger shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Dunno. Probably drinking in the house.” Your heart sank at the notion of having to share Roger for the evening. You felt better being around him, and didn’t want the relief to end. But, as if reading your mind, Roger piped up. “If they’re too noisy, we can always make a fire back in the barn. There’s a fireplace by the kitchen as well.” He smiled at you when he said it, and something akin to hope fluttered in your chest. You almost hoped the guys would be too rowdy, forcing you and Roger to go back to the more secluded barn. Lower chance of someone interrupting you. Roger threw open the front door and held it for you. “Look at you, so chivalrous,” you mocked him, grinning. Roger nodded at you with fake seriousness. “Chivalry is my middle name, love.” Your laughter was interrupted by voices upstairs. You and Roger exchanged glances, nonverbally agreeing to check it out. You led the way up the steps, pulling your blanket snugly around you. Roger followed you, reaching out to steady you when you stepped on the edge of the blanket and slipped. His fingers splayed across your hip sparked a blush in your cheeks that made you once again glad Roger couldn’t see your face. When you reached the top step, you took in the sight in front of you. Your uncle, along with Paul, Brian, Freddie, Deacy, and a couple others, all sat around an old film projector. You had nearly forgotten the day’s events, and it took you a moment to register what they were all looking at. An old home movie. You recognized the movie type right away. The setting was familiar, too. It was the backyard of your childhood home in Dallas. The home your mother had just moved out of. Then, you heard a familiar voice, as a figure entered the frame. Roger saw it at the same moment you did. Your vision blurred as you recognized the form and features of your late father. Roger put two and two together, looking from the film to you wildly. The world tilted on edge, and you swayed on your feet. Dad was holding a tiny version of you in his arms, happy and laughing. You vaguely remembered his green jumper as he waved to the camera, beaming with pride. The next thing flashing across your mind’s eye was the day he died. You recalled the beige hospital walls, running past nurses to find your dad, reaching his room. Rounding the corner to find your mom and a few doctors hovering over a body that didn’t look like his. You weren’t sure right away if he was even still alive. But he was, because the doctors kept telling you there was no way he could be alive any more. That no one could survive a car wreck like that. They waited as you and your mom made the decision to say goodbye. They watched in detached silence as the monitor went into a flatline after all the tubes and vents had been disconnected. They watched as your heart shattered into a million pieces there on that stupid beige floor. “Why would you play this?” It took you a moment to recognize the strained voice saying those words as your own. Jim opened his mouth to frantically explain, but you couldn’t hear him. The sight of him was the last thing you remembered from that night. Roger reached out towards you again as the ground rushed up to meet you.

Taglist:

@itsametaphorbriansblog @pietrorunsforme @isabella-bby

[gwynne-fics]

Silver Lining

chapter forty-three

Father waited for him and frowned when sat down. “This is the second month you are late. What is wrong with the company?”

“Nothing,” Young-Do said quickly as he set his empty briefcase down beside his chair. He kept his head bowed because that was what Father liked. “Our stock is up another three percent from last quarter. I…I need to be more careful. I was informed that we’re being watched.”

“I always assumed that. That’s why you aren’t stupid and bring anything with you.” Father sounded disgusted with him. At least he didn’t make any snide comments about Hyo-Shin. “Do you have the software yet?”

“No. I’m working on a proposal. Abeoji, my relationship with Cha Eun-Sang is not adversarial. I would like to keep it that way as I hope to have children with her and make this last.” He caught Father rolling his eyes and it made him angry. “Our shareholders like her. It is because I am selling my relationship to her the right way that I have recouped the losses from my mistake. If I am caught cheating on her, it will devastate the company all over again. I am being careful for good reasons.”

“Real men aren’t careful. They take risks to get what they want. You shouldn’t let this woman have any kind of control over you. I’m not surprised, given your poor judgment in the past. I heard your precious wife fucked him, too. You must be so jealous of her.”

Young-Do breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth. He slowly stood up and bowed. He wasn’t going to let Father convince him to do anything that might hurt his relationship with Eun-Sang. It was the only thing he had that wasn’t tainted by Father.

“If you had your way, I would be the one in that jail cell. My judgment was poor because you deliberately withheld vital information from me about that account. I never would’ve tried to use it or guaranteed it if I had known it was empty and useless. I am a real man. Even if I was gay, Abeoji, I would still be a real man. I will see you next month.”

He left before Father could get worked up and yell at him. He still didn’t trust that glass to hold Father back. Young-Do went out to his car and thought about never returning to the prison. He knew he wasn’t strong enough to cut Father out of his life. Good sons did not ignore their fathers in prison but he didn’t want to be a good son right now.

Young-Do pulled out a cigarette and lit it up. He took a long, slow drag and exhaled smoke in the autumn air. He didn’t know how Eun-Sang felt about smoking so he decided he would wait to see her until the smell of it faded.

He picked up his phone when Eun-Sang texted him an invitation to have lunch with her and the bird girls. Young-Do briefly closed his eyes and called Hyun-Shik. “I need a full day that keeps me out of Seoul. I don’t want to get home until after ten.”

His secretary didn’t even question his demand. “There are two properties that need site inspections. Will that work?”

“Yes. Thank you. Send the details to my phone. I’ll leave from the prison.”

“Of course, sir.”

Young-Do texted his apology to Eun-Sang and was relieved that she didn’t push him. After their painful conversation last night, he didn’t know how to handle being around her. He wanted, more than anything, to go back to the moment before he made love to her on the couch and they both cried. He wanted Hyo-Shin to…stop being a part of their relationship. He wanted to be a better man to Eun-Sang but he didn’t know how because the only example he had was the very man he was trying to avoid.

He didn’t even know why he cried. He tried to convince himself that sex he had with her yesterday wasn’t the best he’d ever had. It didn’t work because it was the best sex he’d ever felt.

His first site inspection was one of his clubs on the edge of one of the less reputable parts of Seoul. Part of the reason Hyun-Shik wanted him to look at it was because of rumors that it had become a front for some drug runners. Hyun-Shik thought Young-Do’s presence would spook them off.

Part of him was grateful that the inspection took all day and revealed that there had been a staff change hidden from the Zeus managers. It allowed him to get intimately involved with their records and make some calls to clean up the club. He closed it down before going home. It almost worked to keep his mind off of Eun-Sang.

When he arrived home, he was surprised she was in the kitchen, standing in front of the stove. Wook greeted him at the door and took his briefcase and jacket. “President Cha requested that your driver inform her when you were on your way home. She wanted to wait up for you.”

Young-Do tried not to gape at the stoic butler as he was herded to the kitchen table and Eun-Sang set…beef and bean broth soup in front of him. Once they were alone, she met his eyes and he caught the familiar glint of determination in her.

“It would be easier to avoid each other after last night,” she said frankly. “I’m not dissuaded by hard things. So we’re going to talk about our days at work instead of our awkward sex. Work might not be a safe topic but it is something we’ve got in common. I’ll start.”

“Eun-Sang—“

“Eun-Hee put together a gift for you as a thank you for the toy you got her.” She pointed at…a very detailed drawing of a standard car engine. Everything was labeled correctly in a child’s handwriting. It included a thank you note for both the gift and the movie about talking cars. Young-Do picked it up with reverent awe. “She wants to impress you. I think she has a little bit of a crush on you.”

“I’m sorry,” he said after a few seconds. “I really couldn’t come to lunch.”

“These girls really do understand that. They saw how busy you were at the movie.” Eun-Sang reached over and took his hand. Her fingers were cold. “The bird girls like you, Young-Do. They don’t know anything about you except that you are nice to them. I just want you to know that even if things are weird between us, there are three little girls who think you are the coolest man they’ve ever met. Jae-Hee called you Tower Ahjussi. Even Sung-Hee, who hates everything right now, likes you.”

His throat hurt and he had to clear it several times as he let out a low breath. “I don’t want things to be weird with us. I don’t know how to fix it because I don’t know how to…” He didn’t know how to love her the way Hyo-Shin had loved her. That was her standard for everything important.

“I just want you to feel secure in our life. We are building this together. We’re both bound to make mistakes. I’m sorry I hurt you last night.”

“No,” he said quickly. “I’m sorry I misunderstood your attempt to explain your feelings. I’m sorry I’m not…”

“I’m glad you’re not him. You don’t have to be sorry for that. How were your site inspections? I hear those can be scary on both ends.”

He took the out she offered him and tried to concentrate on the amazing soup she’d made him. “I have a drug dealer trying to use one of my clubs. I didn’t even know that the management had changed. Sometimes it feels like every time I put out one fire, another three spring up in its place.” He paused and then set down his spoon. “How do you feel about spending a weekend in a small, country hotel?”

“Incognito or with bells on?” She put some kimchi on his rice bowel and he automatically ate it before she could take it back.

“I don’t know if it is possible for me to go incognito but I want to try. The manager is making excuses for his bottom line and I want to see if they’re real or not. It’s going to involve a lot of market research and it might be boring. There is supposed to be a tour package offered by the concierge but he claims not to need one. A concierge is—“

“Part of the Zeus hotels experience.” She smiled faintly. “Hyo-Shin would only stay at hotels under your umbrella whenever we went on a small holiday. It wasn’t often but we went to the one in Jeju and it was amazing. I’m only bringing it up to show you that I have a basis for my perspective and opinion.”

He had to be able to show her a better time. It would be difficult to pull off but he might be able to do it if he put enough time into researching the area himself. “Do you enjoy hiking?”

“I’m not a camper but a day hike can be fun.” He tried not to show his disappointment. He owned a camping ground that he held employee events at once a year.

“I’ll set it up and have Hyun-Shik work with your assistant on your schedule.”

“Alright.” Her smile didn’t seem forced so he chose to believe that they were relaxing around each other. “Is the soup okay? I don’t make this often enough to be good at it but Hee-Jin said you request it at the beginning of the month.”

Young-Do blinked and looked down at his empty bowl. “This tastes like home to me,” he said after a minute. It was the last thing his mother made for him before she left. “It’s my comfort food. The beginning of the month is when all the problems rise to the top. I’m sure you know what it’s like as a president.”

“I do. I ate about six rolls of gimbap today.”

“Gimbap?”

“There’s a stall close to my offices. They are amazing. I’m sure you’ve had gimbap.”

“Of course I have. I just…”

“He hates it.” Eun-Sang grinned cheekily as Young-Do ducked his head. “He hates it so much. He likes to pretend he isn’t a food snob but he won’t touch it.”

“But it’s so easy when you’re busy and there are stalls everywhere.” For the first time, it didn’t hurt. He found himself smiling at her. She smiled back and placed a piece of braised potato on his rice. He reached out and did the same with the fried zucchini. “No fish?”

“I can’t handle the bone crunch. There are some in the fridge. Would you like me to get it?”

“No. It’s not my favorite either.” He swallowed and reached for another bowl of soup. “Thank you,” he said after a moment. “It’s nice to feel like someone waited up for me.”

Eun-Sang’s eyes softened and she reached across to squeeze his hand. “Tell me more about your country hotel.”

[zmbkl]

Nano 12

Hello everyone,

I missed yesterday’s Nano journal. I had a lot on my plate figuratively and literally. Yesterday, I got some tempura and me and Alia tried cooking some for the first time. We made miso soup, tempura and gyoza. We got most of the ingredients from 99Ranch this weekend. It was a lot of fun. We used my cast iron skillet. We filled it halfway with oil and fried asparagus, zucchini, carrots, and broccoli. We started to watch Jesse Cox play “Doki Doki Literature Club.” The game had a slow start, but it got REALLY good later. I was exhausted from work, full of tempura, and it got late, so I forgot to write my Nano.

Today at work, I got through a big chunk of the Doki Doki game. Work was ok. I had my Japanese class today. I hate going to this class. I hate the kids in class that are disruptive and make a bunch of jokes. Today we learned how to say you will do something in class. This kid thought he was clever and asked how to say, “I’m going to take over the world.” The teacher didn’t know what to say, and I just suffered a bunch of second hand embarrassment. This is every day and every time the teacher speaks up. The teacher also lets us out way too early. A lot of the students like getting out early, but I am not doing well in the class. I need extra help, and I don’t want to set more time aside than I already have. If I can’t grab the basics by doing all the homework and showing up to every class then the teacher isn’t doing enough. In most classes in college, if I attended all the classes and did all the required homework then I got a passing grade (often a B). As a result, I was a B student in college. I didn’t get chances to study much. I worked two jobs, so this how I got through my classes. I dunno. I don’t like this teacher and these classmates kinda suck.

Anyway, I finished the Doki Doki game with Alia today. It is very disturbing. I would not recommend it for people who are triggered by mental health issues. It uses that and glitch imagery to tell a pretty scary story. It took a while to get going though. You have to play through the game three times to get the whole story. I would recommend it though. Just know the creepy stuff doesn’t start until the last 3 minutes of the first play though. If you just wanna watch a playthough I’d recommend Jesse Cox’s. He has Dodger on there and I loved her voices. She drops the voice of the bad guy when they realized who it was, but the voice she gave her at first was great.

On Monday, my DnD game got cancelled. One of my players wanted to spend more time with family which was fine. I wasn’t as ready as I wanted to be anyway. I could hopefully spend more time this week and get something really good for next week. I think I want my players to spend one extra day in the city where they just killed the boss. I have some loose ends I think would be great to tie up. I have an idea of how I want to do that, but I’ll need time to nail things down.

My boss is still working on his case against Randy. He came upstairs today and wanted me to show him how to download all the data from the chromameter. Apparently he tried but he only got one data point on the USB. I helped him, but now I’m feeling a little bad. I don’t want to see Randy lose his job. He seems like an OK guy. He’s nice to me and the plant manager seems to like him. I dunno. I saw today that our chromameter’s transmittance setting didn’t have a zero calibration. I needed this black plastic blocker plate to calibrate it, but I couldn’t find the piece.  I ran around the building, but I think it got thrown away, if we even ever had one. I told my manger and emailed the company that makes the thing to get a quote for a new one. My HR lady was going out tonight with a few of the girls from the office, but everyone except the R+D girl canceled. The account woman got told by her husband that she should go. Apparently, her husband feels like she drinks too much and he felt like she shouldn’t got out with girls because she might get took drunk. Kinda shitty, but also if she is having a genuine issue with her drinking then I dunno. She might just be framing it like that, but again I dunno. I think she has a thing for me. She is the one that invites me to hang out with the girls when they do stuff. She came out to me when I was filling the tanker to tell me that my predecessor slept with her old boss (she took her old bosses job). That was the only thing she said to me when she came outside to talk to me, but then again she knows I love office gossip. So, it could have been her just excited to tell me new gossip.

Not much else is going on with me. I have a few things that I have been thinking about, but none of them are appropriate for this public journal. Their mainly NSFW things, but some are personal to my relationship. I’ve liked doing these. I don’t have a lot of issues. Not as many as I used to, but I think typing about them has helped me structure my ideas better. I might keep doing these for the things I don’t feel comfortable talking about here. We will see. I dunno

[suckitsurveys]

1. Are you related to the last person you spoke to? No, he’s a coworker.

2. Are your blankets normally kicked all over the place when you wake up? Sometimes.

3. Do you wear an eye mask when you go to sleep? Nope.

4. Are family get-togethers fun or awkward for you? Yes and no. They usually involve my brother in law which makes me furious but I generally like them.

5. Are any of your friends hoping to be famous one day? It’s possible?

6. What do you do if someone way too old for you hits on you? fhdkjhfdksjlhfdslhfjlshfjdhsklfjsdhlkhfjlks

7. Can you eat a whole pizza by yourself? Not in one sitting.

8. Do you wear a lot of red clothes? Not more than any other color really.

9. Do you lock the doors? Of course.

10. Is coffee better with or without milk? Without.

11. When was the last time you were at a hotel? When Mark and I got married in July.

12. Who would you kiss right now if you could kiss anyone? Mark.

13. Are you afraid of the dark, or were you ever? I’m afraid of the unknown in the dark.

14. Do you have trust issues? Eh.

15. When was the last time you cried from laughing so hard? The other day.

16. What are your plans for Thursday? Today is Thursday. I’m going to get my nails done with my sister after work.

17. Have you had your birthday yet this year? It’s literally in 2 days.

18. Are you playing hard to get right now? No.

19. Do you still talk to the person you were dating five months ago? Married to him, even.

20. Does cuddling freak you out? No.

21. Are your toenails painted? Yes.

22. Have you ever told someone you were in love with them? Yes.

23. Ever slapped a guy in the face? Playfully.

24. Would you ever dye your hair blonde? It kind of is right now, with some green in it still. It kinda just looks like I spent too much time in a pool.

25. Did you make anything to eat today? No. I made overnight oats and lunch for today last night.

26. Do you wear eyeliner? Sometimes.

27. What’s your favourite part of the song that you’re listening to? I’m not listening to music.

28. Do you think you’re a good friend? Yes.

29. If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose? Summer.

30. Could you go out in public looking like you do now? I already am in public technically.

31. What was on your mind mostly today? Way. Too. Much.

32. Who was the last person you got into a small argument with? My brother in law hahahaha.

33. Can you handle the truth? Not always. But usually.

34. Are there some songs you can’t listen to because they remind you of someone? Eh.

35. Last night, did you go to sleep smiling? No.

36. Where did you sleep last night? My bed.

37. Did you have a good day yesterday? No.

38. What was the highlight of today? There really hasn’t been one. Maybe getting my nails done later.

39. Do you hate anyone? Yes.

40. Do you wish you had the chance to tell someone something right now? Yes.

41. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Some contractor trying to get in a building.

42. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Maybe.

43. Do horror movies these days scare you? Eh.

44. What is the best thing that’s happened in the past week? Nothing yet.

45. What colour is your hair? Blondish green. Haha.

46. What did you do yesterday? Cried a bunch.

47. What are you doing tonight? Gym, getting my nails done, hanging out with Mark.

48. Have you ever thrown your cell phone in anger? When? I have, back when cell phones were bricks and they wouldn’t shatter if thrown.

49. Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now? Yeah.

50. Do you want to fix things with anybody? A little.

51. Could you go the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? No. I mean, I don’t drink a lot as it is, but completely giving it up? Heck no, there’s too many delicious drinks!

52. Is your hair long enough to pull over your face like a moustache? Yep.

53. Do you ever find yourself making up survey questions throughout the day? Sometimes, yes.

54. Who is your favourite online friend? Kayla and Ellen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

55. What was the last thing you tried for the first time? A new exercise I saw someone else doing.

56. What was the last thing you said out loud, and how loud were you speaking? "Dammit where’s Ron?” in a normal voice.

57. What’s your favourite nail polish colour to wear or see on others? Blues and glitters are always my favorites.

58. What was the last thing you learned? Eh.

59. How warm do you like your showers/baths to be? Skin scalding hot.

60. Are there any advertisements/commercials you actually like? Which? I can’t think of any right now but I am sure there are some. 

61. How often do you visit your relatives? Every so often.

62. In your opinion, what is the scariest natural disaster? Earthquakes. I feel like those aren’t really predictable. With other storms at least you have some fair warning.

63. What design is on your bed sheets? They are just red.

64. What is your favourite brand of fizzy drink? Barq’s Root Beer, if that counts.

65. As a kid, did you use toothpaste that wasn’t minty? I think I had bubblegum kind.

66. What is your favourite vegetable? Zucchini.

67. Do you have any other countries’ timezones saved to your computer/mobile phone? No.

68. Is your username the same for every website? Basically.

69. What do you have in your online bookmarks? Work stuff on here.

70. Do you have a lucky number? Why is it so lucky? 24.

71. Do you set your browser to remember passwords? Yes.

72. Describe the perfect burger: Old Time Religion from Burger Belly or the Goatsnake from Kuma’s. Medium rare, of course.

73. What was the last thing you made yourself to eat? Like I said before, I made a lunch and overnight oats to eat today.

74. Do you agree that the nude scenes in movies are generally unnecessary? Sometimes.

75. Have you ever stood on a sea creature while at the beach? No?

76. What’s worse; speaking in all caps, or all lowercase? Neither?

77. What’s your favourite place to go for fast food? Popeyes or Chipotle.

78. How many fillings do you have? 0.

79. Do you prefer warm or cold hands? Warm.

80. Have you ever had a mud fight? Yeah, when I was little.

81. When you see people in love, is your first reaction “ew” or “cute”? Hahaha both.

82. Have you ever woken up from a dream and thought it had actually happened? Often. I hate it.

83. Do you know anyone who closely resembles someone else? Sure.

84. When your sunburn peels, do you leave it or pull at it? I peel it sometimes.

85. What type of food do you find yourself craving most (sweet, savoury, meat, etc.)? Savory or salty.

86. Why did you last go to the doctors? My ears were killing me.

87. Are you good at Name That Tune? I guess.

88. Do you ever know the people who pop up in your “Who you might know” list? I hate that fucking thing.

89. Do you ever highlight excerpts of books that you particularly enjoy? Nah.

90. How easy is it for you to recognize what quote/lyric something is from? Lyrics, sure.

91. On a scale of one to ten, how tired are you currently? 10.