#I tried to do one song per artist which took me longer than I expected oops

[damngoodbabysiitter]

Tagged by: @jennathearcher sorry it took so long, but thanks for this! <3

Rules: Pick a song for every letter of your url and tag that many people

Daffodil - Florence + the Machine

Again&again - Against The Current feat. guardin

Monster In Me - Little Mix

No Complaints - Noah Kahan

Go For It - Djo

Oblivion - Bastille

On The Page - Maggie Rogers

Darkest Hour - Andrea Russett

Better Days - Dermot Kennedy

Always Get This Way - The Aces

Bad Life - Sigrid & Bring Me The Horizon

Youth - Daughter

Soft to Be Strong - Marina

Is It Really Me You're Missing - Nina Nesbitt

Into The Walls - Griff

Thick Skull - Paramore

There Til The End - JERUB

Evermore - Taylor Swift feat. Bon Iver

Running Up That Hill - Kate Bush

Tagging: @userdebora @thescoopstroopers @lynchemon @paqerings @kingofokay @triciaisonline @sircolinmorgan @heatherfield and/or anyone who wants to do it because I panicked lmao

[captain-barnes-writes]

Someone Like You [3/6]

Summary: In which Sebastian tries to win you back a year and a half after your relationship’s rupture, but only because there’s a new man in your life. [Part 3]

(Mini-series)

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Latina

Warning: Angst (lotssss), language, 18+, future chapters will include smut (just warning y'all!) ; not proofread 

Word count: 1.5k

Three months had glided by after that late night and Sebastian would be a liar if he said it hadn’t been a hassle to complete a simple task without a single thought of you. You were a brazen and permanent mark that he couldn’t erase no matter how hard he tried to rub you off.

A month after the one music video had been released, another one came. With the same Hispanic Bachata artist, this time for a different song. You were speaking Spanish in the beginning of the video, taking him back to the times you used to cuss him out in Spanish out of anguish and anger he’d make you feel. But also at the sweet words you’d utter in the language that was so foreign to him. It was for those first few seconds of the video that he was able to form a small smile as your sweet voice floated through his ears. He was smiling at the little rasp that your voice had and the slight squint of your eyes as you threw your head back in laughter, dark curls and dark eyes.

That little smile was quickly wiped off when the frame tuned to that of the singer who still couldn’t keep his hands off you and it made his blood boil over in rage. The dimples indented on the fuck-face were on full display as the full smile he wore didn’t vanish throughout the entire video. He couldn’t blame the man for beaming as if he’d won the lottery because quite frankly being in your presence felt quite like it.

It was another plotless video and made no sense, he deemed that the singer used this opportunity to get as close to you as possible yet again. You wore yet another dress, a tiny yellow sundress and your feet bare on the hot sand. The tropical theme had you on the beach, under a cabana and even on the sea shore. 

You were dancing so eloquently and freely, hands so conscious of every movement your hip would make that they would move with ease. Two steps to the left and a slight jut of your hip and you’d do the same for the right. Dark curls bouncing with every movement you’d make. The man had wrapped his arms around your waist and proceeded to dance with you while singing the lyrics so precisely. He was going crazy at the thought of what could happen after the cameras had shut off, of what was happening in real life. He wondered, in a crazed manner, if you were showing him the same type of attention as in the videos.

Was he touching you?

Was he kissing you?

Were you letting him?

His girlfriend shifted on her side of the bed, squirming and sprawled her hand on his bare chest. His eyes shifted towards her sleeping figure, her body positioned on her stomach and head lazily on the soft pillows, and her breathing was so calm. He’d been in a haze and had almost forgotten where he was. It was a weekday in New York and since their fast-paced romance had been caught on camera there was no need to tip toe around the city anymore so they were at his own place. There was no longer a need to only spend time at her place.

She was kind and funny, brought him a sense of comfort. But it didn’t compare to what you’d given him. It was just that she had the label of girlfriend and you hadn’t. The thought tugged at his heart. 

It was probably something truly sick and twisted as the sleeping and unknowing woman beside him breathed so softly in her sleep as he laid wide awake on his side with his phone grasped at his hand; the dim screen showing his searches filled with your name. His video search engine filled with your name too. He watched with his ear buds embedded in his ear, listening to your soft and nervous voice during interviews. The dark curls, your glowing skin and those gleaming brown eyes that were yet again driving him to the brink. His current situation was driving him towards a road of destruction if he kept this up.

God, what the hell was wrong with him. You consumed his every thought. Swirling and parading through his head like floating clouds of ethereal goodness. The last few months had been slightly arduous for him because in many ways he’d felt every single thing you had felt while you’d been with him. Angst, jealousy and an overwhelming tight feeling in his chest. He understood now.

He thought back to all the rumors, images and videos of you and that artist that had surfaced for the last few months. It wasn’t only an innocent, paid-job of being part of his two music videos but it seemed to have transpired into something more. The pictures of your dinner dates spread like wildfire through the media, people were shipping you and the fuckface already for god's sake. You were smiling so genuinely, straying behind the unbelievably successful man who donned an equally large smile. His hand was outstretched behind him, reaching for yours as the flashing cameras illuminated the both of you.

Huffing under his breath, he pressed the off button on his phone, removed the earbuds and placed both on the nightstand. He was tired and didn’t want to think anymore.

And as for you, you laid awake in bed as well in your New York home. The man beside you had barely gotten off you a few minutes ago and had already fallen asleep. His soft snores were invading the solemn quiet space of your bedroom.

Romeo Santos. He was handsome and romantic, sweeping you completely off your feet. And his voice? Talented and beautiful beyond belief. You’d started listening to his music in your teen years, and even though he was a lot older now, he still looked just as good as he had all those years ago. He was a good ten years older than you, a hefty number, but you liked it. Experienced, mature and with their shit together; at least that’s what you expected out of men who were nearly pushing the threshold of 40.

You couldn’t believe your luck at having gotten the call to be part of his music video during your vacation in the Dominican republic. You had said yes within a few seconds. Your instagram pictures showing off your well-deserved girls trip in the Caribbean region had probably gotten back to the Domincan artist, whom you’d noticed had already been following you.

The music video was out of your comfort zone, per say, as it included scenes that were rather risque for you. The lingerie and the steamy scenes on the crimson red bed had been rather intimidating upon reading the short script, but he’d made you feel comfortable.

And even while thinking back to those few months when you had met the handsome man beside you, your thoughts drifted back to another man who was two years shy of pushing 40.

Sebastian.

You wondered if he had seen your recent movie that had truly been the inception of your career, after only getting small roles, and if he saw recent announcements of roles you’d gotten for future films. It might’ve been vain, but you wanted him to see you. To appreciate you for once because it still hurt you so deeply that you had felt inadequate with him. You’d been at his beck and call for so long that you had finally mustered up whatever leftover pride you had and left his life. The situation had left you fragile, but you’d regained pieces of yourself and built your strength upon self love and your promise to never let another man use you.

Sebastian hadn’t been a bad person to you, he just had issues he needed to solve on his own. His commitment issues weren’t for you to fix. You got to know him as a lover and maybe as a friend too. But the moments you remembered most were those shared in your old apartment, on your bed. He’d been an incredible lover who wasn’t by any means selfish during your many nights together. You were lucky if you got a few hours of sleep with him around. He was insatiable. He always wanted you, was always kissing you and wanting some form of contact with you. You’d joked with him that he was like glue.

“You’re like glue, Seb. Get off me.” You laughed at the muscular, bare-chested man who was toppled on you. His hands were on your bare waist as his blue eyes traced over your face.

“And what about it?” He responded, big hands squeezing the fleshy sides of your hips and managed to give a slap to your naked behind. You shrieked in response, mouth and eyes agape.

“By glue I mean you’re making me all sticky and you won’t stop touching me!”

“You know you like it. Stop complaining.” He nuzzled his face into your neck, not even bothered at your protest.

His lips took hold of the sensitive skin below your ear, tongue lapping over the area he knew drove you crazy. Your soft mewls were the driving force to all his touching. He loved the sound of your breathy moans, your long nails scratching his back and the angelic reaction that would overtake your features. Mouth slightly ajar, gleaming eyes meeting his in silent pleas and the widening of your legs granting him the access he so needed.

“You see...That’s exactly why I’m like glue.” And you had nodded in response.

You found yourself thinking of him. Again. It was unfair that after all the progress you’d made to forget the man who’d always take your breath away, he still managed to do so even in your mind.

And as you took the phone from your nightstand, you did the one thing you didn’t think you’d ever do.

You unblocked Sebastian’s instagram.

(To be continued)

----

This chapter felt like a filler tbh. Next chapter will be the real deal ;))) Bringing my other favorite Avenger 

And do y’all know Romeo Santos? He’s a legendddd!

Let me know what you think :)

[angelkurenai]

Worth it - Sebastian Stan x Reader

Title: Worth it

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Warnings: None

Prompt: hey, do you write for sebastian stan? because if so, here’s my request: sebastian say on a talk show that he have a crush on a singer and would love to meet her, and her manager contact him to be in her new music video! if you decides to write it, thank you x

“Speaking of- of fans and how passionate they can get about something, I think we can all agree that when it comes to finding things, no matter how hidden, they're masters at it, right?” Conan asked, pausing for a moment as the audience cheered and clapped, he looked at Sebastian who nodded his head with a small laugh “Like, the FBI should just fire all their staff and hire fans because they put even Sherlock Holmes to shame!”

“You can't hide a single thing, if it's out on the net.” he said “And they're fast too! Sometimes I have to spend hours looking for the most simple thing, like a good recipe for pasta, and you'll see them dig up tweets from ten years ago in five minutes!”

“I know right?” Conan laughed a bit “I mean, personally I don't mind to be honest. But it's like, before you know it,videos of you from the '90s come up on your feed again and the naked pictures you took in the 2000s reposted again for everyone to admire your-” but he stopped, giving a look to the audience who cheered a little bit too loudly, some even laughing “Oh you sick per- I didn't mean that!”

“You-” Sebastian tried to hold his laughter, frowning as if to look more serious “You're talking about yourself here right?”

“I-” Conan stifled a laugh “Well, yeah. I usually embarrass myself and not the guest unless you have something to share with us now Sebastian.”

“I-” Sebastian cleared his throat, shaking his head “No, I'm good. I think I'm good, no need to give Mackie more info. Although I feel like after this interview-” he couldn't help but crack a smile “My social media accounts will be... attacked to say the least. Who knows what they'll dig up.”

“Now that you've mentioned it, well technically I did but it's easier to blame you because I can't lower myself any further than I already have in this show-” Conan pause, once more narrowing his eyes at the audience who laughed “Whose side are you on?” he shook his head dramatically “Anyway, where were we? Oh yes, remembering our sinful pasts.” that earned more laughter from both the audience and Sebastian “And speaking of that, I wanted to tell you, that there is this account that's called “Sebastian Stan doing things.” are you aware of that?”

“I mean, yeah, it's called my life.” he said with a small smile, earning a chuckle.

“There are accounts like this for other celebrities and while we were going through this account we noticed one major difference from the other ones: It was filled with posts of you that were actually very rare. According of course to the comments because it's not like we stalk you or your social media or anything. I definitely don't have posters of you shirtless around my room or anything.” Conan scoffed, shrugging casually and earning more laughter, continuing after a couple seconds “But there was this particular video of an interview of you and during that interview you got to talk about uhm your favorite singer...?”

It ended mostly as a question only meant to ask Sebastian in a way if he remembered it. It certainly didn't take more than half a second before the man was laughing in embarrassment, head hanging low as he could feel the nervousness settling in. Maybe he couldn't remember the entire interview per se so he couldn't remember if it was as embarrassing as he feared – not that he had much hope, he had been told plenty of times by his friends that he lost control when it came to you and his obvious admiration for you – but that didn't mean that this one wasn't going to be. If anything he was 100% sure that this one would be even worse. But he nodded his head anyway and spoke.

“I uhm. Yes, yes I think I know which one you're talking about.” he said, finally looking Conan in the eyes.

“Well-” the man couldn't hold back a laugh at the silent plea in Sebastian's eyes to not speak up further because it honestly was too funny and in the end spoke again “It's good thing, really, because I was watching it and I have to say this, that I realised early on, you are a big (Y/n) fan, aren't you?”

“I'm... somewhat.” Sebastian cleared his throat and avoided eye-contact only because he knew that was a big fat lie that anyone could see right through.

“Somewhat? Alright, let's- How about we take a look at a small clip of the entire thing, yes?”

“So the Grammys happened last night and you guys didn't mis on the opportunity to do a live. Anthony let me tell you that Beyonce can't compare to you.” the interviewer looked at Anthony and Sebastian who laughed “You singing along to her will forever be remembered. Just like Sebastian's own mini concert. One we didn't really expect, to be honest, because you seemed to know the lyrics real well. Given that it is (Y/n)'s newest song. I wonder, is there even a moment you hesitated?”

“Oh sister you've seen nothing. The real question should be: Is that how you're on a daily basis? And I'll tell you, calmly: Fucking hell no! He doesn't shut up about (Y/n) or how amazing she is, how funny and how sweet, how great of an artist she is or even singing her songs!”

“I'm not... that bad. It's not like- I mean it is mostly the shower!” Sebastian defended himself “And besides that, she isan incredible artist! She puts her heart and soul into every song and, come on, you saw her performance too! (Y/n) nailed it and she was worth every grammy and every win of last night.”

“The neighbors ain't gonna think so, though.” Anthony muttered “very time she won, you'd hear Sebastian nearly screaming 'Yes!' at the top of his lungs. Don't deny it, don't! Just don't even try to, I have proof and I'm sure the entire neighborhood will come to as witnesses to the court.E”

“Is that so? Well, interesting to know. See, I was actually going to ask you Sebastian: what was the most say memorable moment and, say, your favorite one but I'm guessing it's-”

“(Y/n)” he laughed a bit shyly after his too-fast-and-honest response “I mean-” he shrugged a bit “(Y/n) is simply, how can I say it, (Y/n). And she's incredible, it's impossible to not be in awe and not to admire the woman simply for who she is and for how wonderful she is as a singer too. She manages to make people, me included, feel so many things with the way she sings, her words and voice could just as easily be out of this world. And it's not just her voice, there is all this raw emotion coming out on her face, in her eyes, as she sings that you can't help but feel it too as you get pulled in. I mean, even her videos can leave you speechless, easily compared to some of the greatest movies I've seen. I swear I've cried more times during her songs and videos than I have ever before in my life. She's got this-”

“Friendly advice: Stop him here, he could go on for hours. He has done it before!” Anthony warned.

The interviewer laughed and nodded her head “Noted. So Sebastian, I'm taking it you could also say you're a fan then?”

“I'm-” he looked carefully at the camera “... Maybe? Well, yes, obviously yes. Alright.” he ended up adding after a good few seconds of silence “Gosh I know that if this ever gets out on the net, I'm not gonna hear the end of it from my friends.”

“I might be playing a dangerous game here but, may I ask why?”

“And that-” Conan paused for a moment to let the crowd applaud “Is only the beginning. We don't have much time but the interview kept on for much longer, yes? And you get to talk about her and your admiration for much much longer, correct?”

“Yes.” Sebastian cleared his throat nervously “That would be the case, yes. See although we were also talking about the movie too, she was mentioned many times because it was relevant to the topic.”

“Yes, for you. Because, and I say again I've watched the whole thing, Anthony was speaking about the movie too but he didn't bring her up every 5 seconds.” he looked him dead serious in the eyes, which earned a nervous awkward laugh from Sebastian and laughter from the audience.

“Come on man, it-” he chuckled, head ducking almost shyly “I wasn't' that bad. Just give me a break.”

“But I'm not even exaggerating here! People will think that just because I'm a drama queen that I'm somehow making things up but, and the video is up now on channel for you to watch, I'm completely serious. Do you- See you spoke a lot about her and clearly had a lot to say about her, we don't blame you. Who can? (Y/n) is indeed incredible and an amazing singer. But do you know how many times you said her name for real?”

“Uhm.... no?” he asked slowly “I- I think it was plenty of times because I'm a big fan, I can't help it-”

“Yeah, no kidding.” Conan teased him, unable to hold his laughter “I would have never guessed!”

“Come on man. Stop it.” he said but only in a low voice, the awkwardness and embarrassment growing with each minute passing by. He laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck “I mean-” he dared look Conan in the eyes “There are so many fans of hers worldwide, why embarrass me out of all of them the most?”

“You are our guest tonight though.” Conan chuckled “If anything, I'm pretty sure Anthony said at some in the interview – and you should all go ahead and watch it- that you are more than just a fan. He went s far as to say that she's your celebrity crush. No?”

“I-” he started but cleared his throat, shifting in his seat and look at him with a tight smile.

“And the fact is also verified by Chris Evans in another interview, which our amazing staff found. That one by chance, mostly, but it was well worth it.”

“By chance. I'm starting to believe both Mackie and Evans pushed those videos forward to you or something.”

“We shall forever wonder.” Conan chuckled “But besides that, crush or not – a question you skillfully voided answering – you are quite the fan. Yet you don't know how many times you mentioned her, at all?”

“No, no of course I didn't keep track. Seriously I have no idea.”

“Really? Because, Sebastian, you said her name 18 times.” he paused only for two seconds to let the crowd cheer and applaud while Sebastian laughed even more nervously than before “Like, I kid you not, I counted. I even made the rest of the staff count. It was 18 times. In just one interview. What do you have to say about that?”

“Well... I might be a really big fan?” he suggested slowly and with a smile that could only be described as awkwardly cute but it did the job of making the crowd laugh.

“You might Sebastian. You might.” Conan laughed “But seeit surprises me that, you are a celebrity yourself, you're well-known and famous and really successful and despite having all that and despite being such a big fan, despite admiring her for years, you have yet to meet her, correct?”

“Well, seeing how I am still alive, I have not met her yet no. Though, as everyone that knows me is already well aware of, I'd really love to one day. Will I survive to tell the story? Probably no, but it will be worth it.”

Was it worth it though?

He kept asking the same question to himself over and over again ever since he got the phone call from his manager. And with it being two days now and the interview having been three days now, he couldn't help but feel like this was not real. It could not be, he had to be dreaming and yet try as he might to wake himself up he couldn't do anything about it. Maybe the way his stomach was tied in knots and his heart was beating so hard and fast, threatening to break free from his ribcage, and the way his mind felt so lightweight as if he couldn't even think straight was enough proof that this was very much real as much as it was a torture. A torture to feel all of that, a torture to wait, a torture to watch the minutes tick by without any news and in a maddening silence of a small room, a torture to feel this anticipation without a result with each passing second. It was all of that that made him wonder if it was worth it.

And all of that that answered the question as well. He was probably being overdramatic but even if it were for him to not survive meeting you, it would all have been well worth it.

It was all well worth it indeed, and even more than he imagined, when the door was pushed opened and the first thing he saw was your sparkling eyes, almost widening at first, and the beautiful albeit shy and nervous smile that got only bigger when you saw him.

It was all well worth it when you spoke to him, voice low and soft, sweet as honey “Oh gosh, I can't believe this is happening. I'm-” it was all well worth it when you laughed sheepishly “Hello, it's great to meet you at last! I'm (Y/n).”

It was all well worth it when he reached for your hand and took it in his with murmured words of his own and a smile that made his cheeks hurts. It was all well worth it when he felt that skip in his heartbeat.

[betterdaysareatoenailaway]

Sleep Tight For Me...I’m Gone

Lately I’ve been writing these Better Days Are A Toenail Away™️ posts in Microsoft Word, selecting all and changing the font to Garamond, which is so readable and beautiful, and posting the Word docs, paragraphs by paragraph, inside these Tumblr drafts. It makes things look nice, to my old fashioned sensibilities, but fixing errors is a time-consuming and needlessly convoluted four-step process.

First, I have to copy, then delete the paragraph containing the error. Then I open the doc. and paste the error-ridden paragraph back into Word. After I find and fix the error, I need to save it and copy and paste it back into the post. It's time-consuming because I’m not just copying a paragraph. As you can see from more recent post, what I copied looked more like a photograph of the paragraph, not the words themselves written in Tumblr’s default font Arial. For an example of this, see below. I like the way it looks like old newspaper clippings. I posted an article about how my fent dealer John Smith kept getting robbed, and had resorted to putting a machete in front of his front door as a way of preventing this, a lever of sorts, which is plainly visible in the video I posted,

So today I’ve given up on trying to make my posts look like books or zines, and have given into the Tumblr font, which is about as pretty as a horse with his snout shot off.

There are two much longer posts I’m working on right now, one about Nirvana and one about Soundgarden, respectively, and how both bands were very unlike their public perception, but those posts are taking a lot of work so I’m putting them on the backburner because today is some dumbass corporation’s day where it tries to synthesize mental health and profit and the end result is as baldly capitalist and clumsy as you would expect. 

I’m not gonna name the company, or repeat their stupid fucking slogan. As far as I can tell (which isn't very far), talking about my trauma has never made me feel better. And in fact it has sometimes made me feel worse, because in telling you what hurts and scares me, I’ve given a part of myself away that I can’t get back. When you’re like me, and you’ve lost everything multiple times, sometimes the only form of power you have is how you choose, or do not choose, to tell your story. And in a world where everybody wants to tell “their truth,” silence is power. 

You don’t get to know me, sorry. I’m not gonna hand you my life, both my bad and good experiences, and conclude: “Welp, that’s why I’m so fucked up. Case closed.” 

Honestly, I used to be a little confused, or miffed that my former partner (who is an amazing person btw, in every respect) almost never spoke about some of the traumatic things she’d experienced in her past. I took it as a sign that she either didn’t trust me, or she didn’t think I would be a sympathetic listener, or the mere fact of my gender precluded her from sharing because I couldn’t truly understand what it was she had gone through. It’s not like I ever asked her to talk about it, but I did say, once or twice, “hey if you ever wanna talk about that stuff, I’m around.” She never took me up on it, and I let it go. 

But as I watched her, and saw her life unfold, over the years we spent together, I began to realize I wasn’t exactly in any position to be telling her how to live her life or how to be mentally healthy. After all, she has found success in a number of avenues, both creative and occupational, and I’ve found neither. I'm not saying the fact that she didn't talk much about her trauma is the reason for her success. I'm saying that she's forged a better path through life than I have, and maybe I should take a cue from that.

She never told me what to do, per se. It was more like living by example. But because I’m pretty dense, and a severe addict, our time together actually sorta reminds me now of that Cornell lyric from his first record: She’s going to change the world. But she can’t change me.

I have certainly found that talking about how shitty my life is only makes me feel more shitty, not free, or unburdened, or better. If you wanna talk about your problems, and you find it helpful, more power to you. Just don’t wait for a corporation to tell you it’s okay to not be okay. 

When Chris Cornell died I was so shocked. Of all the grunge icons he seemed the most stable, and he'd survived the rise and fall of two major label rock bands. If anyone had survived the media machine that chewed up and spat out Staley, Cobain, and to a lesser extent Andrew Wood and Shannon Hoon, it was Cornell. He would be the last guy to support hashtag activism like #StarbucksMyLifeSucks. Chris Cornell actually loved to fuck with the best laid plans of corporate rats. Molson once had a few promotional concerts in Tuktoyaktuk, Northwest Territories, called Molson Canadian Rocks Arctic, with both Hole and Soundgarden playing to a crowd of flown-in grunge fans and bemused locals. But the whole anti-corporate thing grunge was known for actually came through when Courtney Love told the crowd she “use[d] Molson Canadian to douche.” Lol. Here’s a photo of Love arriving in Tuktoyatuk.

Cornell told the same people “so we’re here because of some beer company? Labatt’s?” Both artists’ jabs are funny. Cornell’s was a bit more subtle, but that’s what Cornell was like. 

So today’s post is about Chris Cornell’s suicide, more specifically the media’s reaction to it. For whatever reason, when Cornell died, every single news outlet, from CNN to Fox to CBC, posted “Black Hole Sun,” as if it’s the only song he ever fucking wrote, or – and this is far worse – the only song he wrote that’s worth hearing. The problem with this is more than twofold or threefold. It's fucking hydraheaded. 

Not only is “Black Hole Sun” a mediocre piece of music, it’s a complete misrepresentation of Soundgarden’s sound. 

Now, I’m a huge fan of the A.V. Club series HateSong, in which public figures gleefully talk shit about the one song they hate more than any other song in the world. The Max Bemis (Say Anything) one where he talks about Nirvana’s “Rape Me” as a terrible rewrite of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” is terrific, but comedian Anthony Jeselnik’s HateSong takes “Black Hole Sun” apart, and I love it. I think the best line is: I think the more I hear it, the worse it gets. AVC: After the song became a huge hit, Chris Cornell said that he’d written it in about 15 minutes. AJ: I totally believe that. I don’t believe that Soundgarden likes that song. Like, I remember Eminem once said that he knew his song “My Name Is” was going to be a huge hit because the first time he heard it he was annoyed. It’s something about an annoying song that just grabs onto people. But I don’t think that anyone likes “Black Hole Sun.” I’ve never heard of anyone who likes it. I don’t understand why it gets played so much. It’s become a summer jam, and it’s not a summer song at all. Jeselnik is right that Soundgarden didn’t think much of the song. Guitarist Kim Thayil wasn’t kidding when he disparagingly called it the “Dream On” of their live show. And Cornell himself, known for a meticulous approach to his songwriting, had admitted that with “Black Hole Sun”was “probably the closest to me just playing with words for words’ sake, of anything I’ve written. I guess it worked for a lot of people who heard it, but I have no idea how you'd begin to take that one literally.” I mean it’s obvious from the opening lines that Cornell is just playing with words and how they sound: in my eyes/indisposed/in disguises no one knows What songs would have been more appropriate for Cornell’s untimely death? Glad you asked! Cuz there’s like…fucking at least ten that would have been better. I’m not tryna be one of those “the deep album cuts are better maaaaaan,” but with Soundgarden, it happens to be true. With some bands, the single are their best work. With other bands, the singles are the hors d’oeuvres for the entrees. So what deep cuts would have celebrated Cornell’s death a bit better? Well, to begin with, Superunknown’s strange and stately closer “Like Suicide” would have worked, for obvious reasons.

“Tighter and Tighter,” a song that is actually about the moment of death and what it might feel like, is one of my all-time fav Soundgarden songs. Not only is it a creepy and prescient prediction of what Cornell’s death by hanging himself may have felt like, it’s opening line is a good description of the personification of death: Shadow face/Blowing smoke and talking wind

Another sample lyric: “A sucking holy wind will take me from this bed tonight/and bloody wits another hits me and I have to say goodbye/sleep tight for me, I’m gone/and I hope it’s  a sweet ride/here for me tonight/cuz I’m feel I’m going/feel I’m slowing down.” 

The morning after Cornell’s death hit the news my buddy and bandmate James told me that en route to work his phone, which was playing music randomly through his car speakers, landed on “Tighter and Tighter” and he had to pull over because he was tearing up. 

“Fell On Black Days” is another song about depression and mortality. Cornell had the following to say about the song: “Fell on Black Days” was like this ongoing fear I’ve had for years ... It's a feeling that everyone gets. You're happy with your life, everything’s going well, things are exciting—when all of a sudden you realize you’re unhappy in the extreme, to the point of being really, really scared. There's no particular event you can pin the feeling down to, it's just that you realize one day that everything in your life is fucked! 

Now, if that’s not a cogent and even-tempered explanation of suicidal thoughts, what is? Why else would Cornell have admitted to being “really really scared” by his depression unless he knew what that depression could ultimately leasd to? Here’s some lyrics to “Fell on Black Days.” Dig the high literary use of “whomsoever” and “whatsoever.” Whatsoever I’ve feared has come to life Whatsoever I fought off became my life Just when every day seemed to greet me with a smile sunspots have faded and now I’m doing time cuz I fell on black days

Whomsoever I’ve cured I’ve sickened now Whomsoever I’ve cradled...I put you down I’m a searchlight soul they say but I can’t see it in the night I’m only faking when I get it right I sure don’t mind a change but I fell on black days how would I know that this could be my fate?

Eagle-eared listeners might think this version different from the album version. They are right. The rendition in the video was recorded live off the floor @ Bad Animals, the Seattle studio owned by Heart, where Soundgarden would record Down on the Upside. 

“Boot Camp” is a scary meditation about loss of agency that for years was tied with Zeppelin’s “I'm Gonna Crawl” for Creepiest Song to Cap a Discography, until Soundgarden reunited and released King Animal.

“Taree” is about ghost light, influencing events after dying and features Cornell’s most exhausted, convincing “yeah” @ 2:57.

“Applebite” is a Matt Cameron-penned ponderous clunker about Adam’s original expulsion from Eden. Doomy and death-laden.

“Let Me Drown” is a song about letting someone die.

“The Day I Tried To Live” is frequently cited as Soundgarden’s finest achievement, its odd time signature somehow sounds straight, thanks to Matt Cameron’s brilliant time keeping.

“4th of July” is a song about a post apocalyptic urban landscape, where the speaker isn’t sure whether he is seeing fireworks or bombs. 

“Limo Wreck” is a cool death song and has an eerie 9-11 prediction. “Building the towers belongs to the sky/when the whole thing comes crashing down don’t ask me why.” 

ANY of the above songs would have been better than that fucking asinine dirge-like major key fuckaround that has somehow not just become Soundgarden's signature song...but their ONLY song. 

Does nobody remember Johnny Cash covering “Rusty Cage?” 

“Outshined?”

“Burden In My Hand?”

“Blow Up The Outside World?”

Did none of these other songs get stuck in the electric head? (The electric head is Rob Zombie’s term for the technologically advanced culture we have found ourselves enmeshed in, or imprisoned by. It was the subtitle for White Zombie’s 1995 hit album Astro-Creep 2000: Songs of Love, Destruction, and other Synthetic Delusions of the Electric Head.)

For my money (which ain’t much honey), the song that best fits both Cornell’s artistic integrity and the sad circumstances of his suicide is “Tighter and Tighter.” I once wrote a whole article on the way artists use “yeah” as a placeholder or as a way to convey emotion when words themselves aren’t adequate. Dig that tired, world-weary exhausted “yeah” at 5:35 of “Tighter & Tighter.”

Or the creepy line going into the first chorus: remember this...remember everything’s just black or burning sun. Not that I agree with such a bleak worldview. It’s a writer’s line. And Randy Bachman has said, “when you’re a writer, you’d step over your own mother.” That’s the Cornell I want to remember. Not that he would step over his own mother. By all accounts he was a committed family man. I mean, I want to remember the Cornell who created strange atmospheric sonic worlds, who explored the dark side that sadly, eventually won out. His otherworldly beautiful music is what I choose to remember about Chris Cornell, not his estate tastelessly exploiting “Black Hole Sun” by using a line from the song to title a posthumous Cornell album of covers No One Sings Like You Anymore. Sigh.

First Cornell’s widow said this was “Chris’s last album.” Okay. What about the Soundgarden songs he recorded vocals for before he died? Kim Thayil was pretty diplomatic about it when asked recently. Cornell did record vocal tracks for the follow up to King Animal.

Kim Thayil: “Given our love for Chris, I do not see us reconfiguring without him.”

But he makes it clear in this interview that Cornell’s widow Vicky has those tracks and won’t release them to the band. Maybe because she blames the band for Chris dying that night? She’s not wrong to believe that they would have known, and seen, what kind of shape Cornell was in, at least at the venue, maybe not later at the hotel.

Kim Thayil: “It’s entirely possible that a new Soundgarden album will be released. Certainly. All it would need is to take the audio files that are available. I tighten up the guitars. Ben does the bass. We get the producers we want to make it sound like a Soundgarden record.”

Interviewer: “Is there an obstacle stopping that?”

Kim Thayil: “There shouldn’t be. There really isn’t. Other than the fact that we don’t have those files.”

Interviewer: “They’re not under your auspices?”

Kim Thayil: “Right. It would be ridiculous if [the record wasn’t made]. But these are difficult things. Partnerships and...property.”

You’re just gonna keep those wav files? And why title his covers album Volume 1 if it’s his “last album?”

Oh right. $$$

No one does sing like Cornell, but is “Black Hole Sun” really the best thing he ever did? The best song he ever sang? Should an album of covers be the last thing he gives to the world?

The only honest answer is no.

Sleep tight Chris. You’re gone.

[blackpinkfanpage3-blog]

Blackpink Became the Biggest K-Pop Female Band in the World

Blackpink fan page

It is very taken just four several years for Blackpink to become most significant girl bands in the world, having members Jennie, Jisoo, Rosé, and Lisa continuing to be able to smash new records along with forge new ground. These folks were the first K-pop girl class to play at Coachella in order to reach 1 billion Dailymotion views-now they’re the most-subscribed-to music group on the platform, as 2019, they broke several Guinness World Records together with the single “Kill This Like, ” which has had in excess of 312 million plays in Spotify and over 824 , 000, 000 YouTube views, a mere tiny proportion of the quartet’s billions of revenues, downloads, views, and admirers. That same year in addition, they undertook the most financially productive concert tour by a Korean language female group. They’re front-row fixtures at runway demonstrates and the faces of brilliant brands, including Chanel, The puma company, Louis Vuitton, and Dior. Or any this with just a few songs in their repertoire.

Blackpink fan page

Currently, as they prepare to release their particular latest album in Summer, it may be time to ask: The way on earth did they do the item?

Excitement prior to Blackpink’s July 2016 debut had meant to a fever pitch, when they were the first girl set in seven years beyond YG Entertainment (home for you to K-pop legends Big Fuck, 2NE1 and formerly, Psy). There were big shoes to help fill: The reign with the trailblazing four-member girl team 2NE1 was over, in addition to Blackpink was expected to resuscitate the bold EDM go crazy sound they’d embodied. All their debut, Square One, ended up being an overnight smash, the particular insistent build of “Whistle” and cocky chorus about “Boombayah” making for a small but thrilling introduction.

With November 2016, their secondly single album, Square A couple, featured a pop banger (“Playing With Fire”), a acoustic version of “Whistle, ” and “Stay, ” a country-influenced track that will allowed them to spread their very own vocal wings away from all their “girl crush” concept (K-pop vernacular for a fiery search and sound that’s shown immensely popular with international audiences).

Though they were dubbed “the new 2NE1” during their novice days, some of their first hearings on Korean variety indicates bring into focus but not only Blackpink’s chaotically entertaining reputation but the determination to create their own identities. Vocalist Jisoo has become a face for magnificence brands Kiss Me as well as Dior; rapper and performer Jennie has branched available as a soloist and a powerful influencer; New Zealand-born Rosé’s particular vocal sound has found her on hits with regard to G-Dragon; and Thailand-born artist and dancer Lisa is a most-followed K-pop star with Instagram.

Then, and now, many people recognize the need for each other to carry out the group alchemy here is endeared them to millions. “I don’t think a specific new member should do more dancing as well as one member does considerably more singing. I think Blackpink’s relaxation is complete because of each one person’s energy, ” Jennie told Vogue Korea prior this year.

The long-standing imaginative and prescient vision of K-pop as a blinged-out, ultra-slick fantasy world is made by three labels: YG Entertainment, JYP Entertainment, and also SM Entertainment. YG is acknowledged for maximalist visuals and a hefty, club-friendly sound devised by simply in-house writer-producer Teddy Park your car, the man behind some of K-pop’s biggest, hookiest hits. With Blackpink’s 2018 “Ddu-du Ddu-du” (“DDDD” for short), these elements aligned to produce the irresistible pop package.

Achievements lay in the catchy se?alar refrain, the memorable finger-gun dance, and a gloriously increased video, but also in Blackpink themselves as aspirational yet emulatable, aesthetically fierce and not intimidating, killer onstage nevertheless adorable off it. Often the four-track EP, Square Upwards, would go platinum in Sth Korea, “DDDD” would arrive at gold in the U. S i9000., becoming their first billion-view video, and “Kill That Love” would make them typically the first-ever Korean girl party to enter the U. E. singles chart.

These milestones came via a fandom in which had grown rapidly due to the fact late 2016, but which will had to wait eight several months for 2017’s single “As If It’s Your Continue, ” then an entire calendar year for its follow-up, Square Right up. One release per year used to be standard in K-pop, if there were fewer groups dealing with for a share of a modest domestic market. Groups currently average two or three releases (known as “comebacks”) a year in a very bid to grow and maintain fandoms, but YG Entertainment, considered one of South Korea’s oldest K-pop agencies, remains unapologetically invested in less is more.

It’s not really a huge fail-safe plan-it draws continual fan criticism, petitions, along with boycott threats-but the old-school approach, in an era connected with oversaturation and instant prime, has created heightened desire in addition to demand. It’s turned just about every comeback into a global affair and has funneled the fandom’s streaming power into the types of headline-making, spreadsheet-melting numbers that contain seduced many a point executive.

Like many profitable musicians, Blackpink understands the capability in marrying the oceans of music and manner. Their innate understanding of model has made them hot residence, with the girls now front-row fixtures at Fashion 1 week. In September 2019, Jisoo popped over to London regarding Burberry, while Rosé wowed at Saint Laurent (and was also asked by means of Anthony Vaccarello to be it has the brand ambassador). Meanwhile, Jennie found herself next to Cardi B at Chanel, intended for whom she is a brand ambassadress.

In February 2020, Lisa-currently a muse for Hedi Slimane’s Celine-took a trip to Hong kong for Prada’s fall 2020 show, and just this week, placed a #WFH look to seducre her Instagram account (high-waisted light-wash denim, a Celine button-down shirt, and Bottega Veneta’s latest envelope clutch) this garnered more than 5 zillion likes.

Given their tested selling power-magazines have claimed needing to print quadruple reports to supply demand; their adventures sell out in seconds-the romance between the band and fashion’s leading houses will longer continue to flourish.

Blackpink seemed to be signed to U. Nasiums. -based Interscope Records at the end of 2018, a direct play for any American market and something not any South Korean girl class had tried since Girls’ Generation in 2012. Even with their skill and practical experience, Blackpink’s awkward, lackluster January 2019 performances on Hello America and The Late Indicate With Stephen Colbert ended up widely panned. But in the front of a vast, mostly K-pop-unaware audience at Coachella, often the universality of the group’s sounds bloomed, earning rave critiques. A high point was the great “Kill This Love, ” the title single from their completely new EP.

It’s rare the fact that members aren’t busy, regardless if there isn’t a let go to promote. They often turn to Instagram to communicate with their blended 128 million followers (including the main Blackpink account), and get focused on solidifying their A-list status as fashion building (such as Jennie’s new collaboration with luxury glasses brand Gentle Monster), marketplace mentors, and accidental virus-like queens (Lisa’s stint for the survival show Youth To you and her performance videos that became a Made it happen Work? meme).

And finally, 1 year after their last file, the wait is almost over. There are the forthcoming Lady Gaga relationship, “Sour Candy, ” for a laugh album Chromatica, and a July comeback from the band themselves. Could Blackpink eventually as the first K-pop girl set to break through in the West? An opportunity is there for the taking, although that means new successes need to be capitalized upon and previous strategies reexamined and polished. Now might be the time to get Blackpink to really be the emerging trend.

[jaimistoryteller]

OC/Author PrideFest Question Mess Part 3

Thanks for the tag @raevenlywrites​​ ! Ended up sleeping longer than expected, here’s the last part of the set of questions.

Rules I am going with: answer the questions you know or are comfortable sharing, tag others, add a question if you feel like something is missing.

Note: I will be answering in three different posts, one per section, rather than all together because of how many questions there are.

Questions for you:

Introduce yourself! Tell us a little bit about you and what you write

Why do you write LGBT+ characters?

Have you always written LGBT+ characters? If no, what inspired you to start? Is it a deliberate representational choice?

Do you use modern labels in your work? Why or why not?

World builders: do you have any neat societal twists? (unique names for IDs, different marriage practices, etc.)

Do you write outside your own experiences? (cis writing trans, wlw writing mlm, etc.) If yes, how confident do you feel about it?

Tell us about a favorite book/character someone else wrote that inspired you (or just plain gave you a warm and fuzzy)

Any advice for someone else writing LGBT+ characters?

Would you like people to ask you more questions when this is over?

Free space! Wax poetic about something near and dear to your heart.

Questions for your Ocs (in character or out, dealer’s choice):

Say hi! Let us get to know you, you big beautiful person, you!

How do you feel about the world your author has created for you?

Are you out? To whom, why or why not, etc?

Tell us a little about your journey. Have you always IDed the way you do now? Are there parts of you you’re still figuring out?

Do you feel settled in your ID, or do you think it might change as you and your author go on?

Did your author always know you were [blank], or did you have to tell them? If yes, oh please, please tell us how! :3

Is being [blank] particularly hard in your world? How does your society treat you differently than ours might?

Tell us a little about your unique experiences with your ID. Do you experience dysphoria? Is it impossible to find a date? Just want to find that special someone for snuggles but everyone expects sex? Unload for a minute, it’s okay to struggle sometimes.

What’s the best part about being [blank] in your world?

Do you like getting fan-mail? Would you like people to ask you more questions when this is over?

Grab that mic! Drop some truth on us, something you’ve just been dying to share! Shout out to your besties!

Questions for either you or your OCs:

Going to answer these like I would a Q&A post, with the first three characters that comes to mind for each question.

What’s your orientation and gender? Wave that flag!!!

Tichina - female and pan. I’m proud of both. While I have not yet met my soulmates, I have had a variety of partners over the year that covers the spectrum of genders and sexualities. 

Quin - agender and queer. I am much more comfortable with my gender then I am my orientation. 

Stepan - male, demisexual, pan or poly romantic, never quite sure which is a better fit. I’m good with my alignments and try to always be respectful of other peoples. If my patient has one I am unfamiliar with, then I make sure to do research so I can help my patient to the best of my abilities. 

When did you realize you were LGBT+?

Jon - as a preteen. The others on the gymnastics team were talking about how cute people were and I didn’t see it.

Isa - in my mid-twenties. I’m older than I look.

Nazreen - after meeting my soulmates in my mid-twenties, prior to that I just thought there was something wrong with me.

What makes your heart melt?

Nazreen - not technically related to my orientation, but seeing Akaal with the children, particularly the smaller ones. He’s so big and yet I know he’s never going to harm them. 

Sitara *chuckles* Nazreen beat me to that one, *thoughtful look* I’m going with the way acceptance is the norm and not the unusual within the Balakhnov Building.

Tichina - any time I am able to get one of my high risk kids off the street, bonus points for the ones who find themselves and do so proudly. 

Do you have a favorite LGBT+ song? Movie? Book? Artist? (comic?)

Marie - too many books to list them all, the beauty of being an editor. I’ve always enjoyed All the Things She Said by t.A.T.u

Ioanna - Father would have been horrified if still alive to know I play games like Saints Row 2. I think that Gat, Aisha, and the main character are a triad. Since the main character can be anything the player ones, I take them to be genderfluid, so no matter how the relationship unfolds it’s bi

Sparks - Wonder Woman, Superman, and Batman. You know she keeps them in line and makes Bruce stop brooding so damned much. 

Do you have a secret crush outside of your own work? Some wild crossover OTP?

Aither - I spent my teenage years shipping myself with Buffy and Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and there was that one time I wondered what it would be like to be an Aither sandwich with Squall and Seifer from FFVIII. . Of course, as an adult I have also shipped myself with Sam and Gabriel from Supernatural. 

Aaron *tries not to fidget* Q from the Craig!Bond movies is quiet adorable and I wouldn’t mind a good snuggle with him. 

Diego - I don’t know if I’d like anything more than friendship, but I’d love to get to know Stiles and Lydia from Teen Wolf. Maybe Even Scott if he could get his head out of his rump long enough to actually act like the friend he’s supposed to be. 

Tell us about your LGTB+ headcannons (I’d really love to see someone’s character answer this)

Karl - I always thought that William and Geoffrey from A Knight’s Tale were boyfriends. When Jocelyn joins them, they form a proper triad. 

Isaak - no one can convince me that Bones, Spock and Jim weren’t a space-husband triad!

Vara - I’d like to think that Nathan, Audrey, and Duke in Haven are a triad. Most of Nathan and Duke’s conflict coming from the fact neither of them wants to admit it for whatever silly reason.

What’s your favorite thing about being LGBT+?

Vasilia - I’m myself and able to accept that I am myself, rather than trying to be someone I am not because I hadn’t accepted being transgender.

Isa - there is a community of people like me.

Keywon - pride in my friends and community. 

Is there a cool place you like to hang out with your squad? Maybe an LGBT+ meet up?

Keywon - well, our team hangs out at the basketball court a lot, we also spend time in the community center where we are able to get help with any school work we need. We’re encouraged to bring others our age or orientation to hang out and what not. 

Quin - before meeting Aither, I spent a lot of my time at the queer book store, I didn’t really have a squad, but at least it was somewhere safe for me in public. Not that I like being in public too often. 

Molon - while I do spend a lot of time at the community center and at the basketball court, I also spend a lot of time at the nomyn san (Mongolian Library) where a lot of people of a similar descent hang out to share culture.

What are some things you do to keep positive?

Tichina - I help those in my community and the communities around mine. Every time I do so, I know I am helping someone else avoid the hardships that I and others before me went through. They’ll have a chance at a better life. 

Tzvia - prayer and regular worship, I am active in the both my faith and sports. 

Isaak - studying helps me keep positive because it means I can reach for the stars (literally)

Do you have any advice for young LGBT+ people?

Jon - you’re not broken, wrong, or otherwise odd. No matter what some people might claim, they’re idiots. 

Aither - own whatever space you are in, most won’t know how to take it.

Jamie - be yourself, it might require leaving what you know, but in the long run it’ll be far better for you. 

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Isaak - hopefully on the moon, it’s going to take a lot of hard work and study, but my Uncle and Aunt are making it possible so I’m not letting them or myself down.

Falco - retiring, I hope. I sometimes feel far too old for position within the Network that I hold. 

Ioanna - I happier and healthier me, preferably. 

Welp, that took way longer than planned because of a host of reasons. Still, have some more information on my massive world.

Tagging some peeps I am getting to know off the writer peeps spreadsheet so they can see my answers or do them as they feel fit.

@authordai @forlornraven @lagamerita @writing-at-dusk and @wordsbysarah

 Part 1 and  Part 2

[giovannalimoli]

Kick-Ball-Change with Me Through My Dance Career

Childhood

At the age of three, my mother put me into dance. Little did she know, she had opened up the doors for me to explore my new passion. I took tap and ballet for a year, but when the recital rolled around, unfortunately, I was way too shy to participate on stage. After that, I went on to try other sports because the thought of having to perform on staged psyched me out of registering for the next year. I tried gymnastics, soccer, basketball, and figure skating. None of them seemed to interest me, though. I tried what seemed like everything. Quite honestly, it was frustrating trying to find something to keep me active that I loved. By the time I was in 2nd grade, I had decided to try dance again. That was when I questioned why I even left.

Beginning of a New Era

I joined Expressions In Dance in Peabody, Massachusetts to start dancing again. A few of my friends from school were taking classes there so I joined and decided to just do jazz. I danced the entire year and when the recital came around, I was more than excited to take the stage. I learned how much I loved to move my body to the beat of the music and I couldn’t wait to show my parents what I learned how to do. I made my way on stage and the song Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves started playing. I didn’t have to force a smile or exaggerate my movements, I loved every second of it.

After that, I decided to take more classes. Each year I added more genres to my repertoire. I took jazz, acro, ballet, lyrical, hip hop, and tap. At the age of 11, I told I could get my pointe shoes (which is a big deal for any ballerina) and I cried tears of joy. Getting your pointe shoes is like getting your “big girl shoes.” At this point in my life, I was more than satisfied with where I was.

Wanting More

After dancing with Expressions in Dance for 5 years, I realized I wanted more. I was stuck at the same level for two years and felt like I had reached my full potential at that studio, like I had nothing left to learn there. I decided to switch studios and try out for the competition team at NRG Dance Center after taking summer classes with them to prepare myself. At the age of 13, I was accepted into the Senior Company team, being the youngest by at least 2 years. I was so thrilled to be acknowledged as a talented dancer and a dedicated student. That first year on the competition team was one of the most special years of my life, I got to learn so much about my art and my passion. I worked hard every day to reach towards being the best of my ability.

Dancing wasn’t just something a hobby for me, it wasn’t even just a sport that I loved. It was an escape for me. Being someone who was a victim of bullying throughout middle and high school, having something to cope with was honestly such a blessing. Every time I turned on my music, most of the time literally anything by Lewis Capaldi (my favorite artist), I would feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. Every problem I was having flowed through my fingertips and out of my body. No matter what style, where I was, what song was playing- it all felt like the perfect form of therapy.

Soon after, I went from 2 to 6 dances per competition season. I was invited into other classes and even asked to do a solo. From 2014-2017, I dedicated every second after school to train for these competitions. I rehearsed and practiced for 6 hours a day, gaining flexibility, balance, strength, and gracefulness to perfect my craft. And the work paid off. My team and I placed first for the majority of the competitions we attended, both group dances and solos. We became such a strong team both on stage and off… for the most part.

The Unfortunate Truth

As much as I would like to tell everyone that the dance community is welcoming and supportive, sometimes it’s not. Though I made great friends, it came with enemies. Jealousy and hatred was a common problem within the studio and other studios. In the grand scheme of things, we were a bunch of teenage girls still trying to figure out who we were. It got difficult at times being with each other every waking moment outside of school, friendship turns into sisterhood which came with attitude and talking back. This was to be expected, unfortunately.

Along with the teenage drama, there were some other unfortunate cons to being a part of the dance community. When I first started competition, the intense training was harsh on my body. It’s important to take care of yourself and your body because that’s what makes your art. I developed severe knee and ankle injuries along with fracturing an elbow and straining my triceps. Because I cared so much about keeping up with training, I never let my injuries heal properly. My priorities were not straight at this point, all I cared about was getting back to practice. I was too hard on myself both physically and mentally. Every time I forgot something on stage or didn’t land a trick, I would dwell and be ashamed of myself for not being perfect. The reality of it is: you’re not going to be perfect with every routine, you’re going to fail, and you’re not always going to win. That’s just the truth of it. It took a while for me to accept this, but I finally allowed myself to fall, this time instead of hating myself for it, I would get up and try again.

My Next and Final Chapter

In the summer of 2018, we received some unfortunate news (at the time). This was when Phunk Phenomenon and NRG Dance Center had decided to merge studios. The studio would be taken over by Phunk management and we would no longer be doing competition for the time being due to getting settled and getting used to our new reality. This only lasted about a year until a new teacher came along, Colleen Burrill, where she would soon turn into not only the best instructor but like a mother figure to me. She was there for me when no one else was and I felt more than comfortable with her. She put together a new competition team where she took me in to help her with the process and choreography. I gained leadership skills and became a dedicated teacher to the young ones.

Colleen Burrill and I after winning 1st at our first competition together!

Merging with Phunk allowed me to take the next step in my dance career, becoming an instructor and choreographing my own solos. Though being a dancer at NRG was the highlight of my competition career, guiding the little ones who had the same passion as I was the highlight of my dance career overall. Getting to share special moments with them made all of the stress of learning to be a teacher worth it.

Moving On

Now being 20 years old and focusing on my career path, I sadly no longer dance, but I hope that someday I can teach again. Going through the transition of being a tiny ballerina all the way up to choreographing competition dances and my own solos really brings tears to my eyes. My entire life has been dedicated to being a professional dancer and it’s been hard to let that chapter of my life come to an end. I am so proud of myself for how far I’ve come and for everything I accomplished.

I’ve learned many life lessons on my way here:

No matter who you are or what you do, if you have a passion, take it and RUN. Do not let anyone hold you back, not your parents, not your “friends,” not anyone.

Jealousy is the best form of flattery. If someones jealous of your talent or your success, they will most likely make it known and do what they can to take your confidence away from you. DO NOT let that happen. Embrace who you are and what you’ve accomplished, don’t feel bad for someone else’s negative thoughts or feelings. Keep pushing and be the best version of yourself.

My fellow senior teammates after our last competition

[betweenlifeandfiction]

G-Dragon fanfiction (one shot)

Plot:

You’re a daughter of music editor from YG company. Your father works there for ages and at times you visit studio. At first it was because you’re fascinated by this whole process of music production. When you was teenager you was firstly dazed, seeing so many popular artists. Big Bang was already popular when you visited studio for the first time. Now you can rather call all these people your friends. The other (and now main) reason of you coming here was just behind a door that you just opened. He was writing on computer, certainly working on his new song.

Jiyong was fascinating person and you noticed it throught all these years when you’ve been coming here few times per month. You noticed he’s beautiful man right away but he became even hotter when his stage image became more rebellious. But earlier- when you started to watch him at tv and listened to stories from others, you felt that he’s really interesting. Wasn’t it quite ironic? Sometimes he was next to you but you never really talked since you started having crush on him so you actually knew most of things about him from others. Last time you dared to talk to him was five years ago when you thought about showing him some of your lyrics that you wroted at the age of 16.

Jiyong oppa, they say that you’re really good in writing lyrics.. you started conversation in one breath. Your heart was beating fast but that time you wasn’t still sure why. He looked up at you with smile.

Me? Who did tell you this? he asked you, laughing. Something skipped in your stomach. You thought it sounded like you was asking people about him which was true.

Uh.. Just some folks. you answered, trying to sound cool. Anyway, I wroted some stuff and I wanted to ask if.. you know, if you could take a look.

Let’s see.

He started reading and you wanted this moment to end because you felt like a fool standing there in silence, not knowing what what he was thinking.

Min Young, do you want to be a song writer? he asked suddenly, looking at piece of paper in his hands. He always seemed unpredictable. You rather expected him to say that song was a real crap or just fine but instead of this he came out with this sudden question on which whom you didn’t know the answer.

Oh.. That’s tough question. you started, fixing your long hair. I guess I must like it if I wrote some of it.

Then wrote thousands of it. Then you will know if you really like it and if it’s better than the previous one. If people like it, it means you did good. Try to improve it.

Wow. Kwon Ji Yong, that’s cool advice. you said out of blue and Jiyong started to laugh.

Ok, I’ll be back to work. Good luck. he said, patting your arm. You knew he treated you like a kid and just a daughter of his co-worker. You was a young lady but still underage so it would be creepy if he had any interest in you. But even now when you was 21, you kne he didn’t pay attention so you decided that you will just continue coming to studio to at least see him. You bowed to everybody in room and sit next to your father. You started talking to him about mom wanting him to come home earlier. When your father started nagging about having lot of work, you looked discreetly at Jiyong. He was already in his own world, listening to background music, prepared for new lyrics.

Anyway, why aren’t you home? you heard your father. You didn’t pay attention until he looked at you curious.

Huh? Why? Can’t I? you took a simple words out of your mouth.

Sweetheart, you know that we’re working on new album. And you’re not little girl..

Ok, I get it, appa. you cut it off. You didn’t want to listen that you’re too big girl to come here anytime you want. You didn’t want anyone say anything connected with you being kid. You was adult now and you wanted the one you liked to see you as a woman. You got up from the chair and took your handbag.

Go to lunchroom and drink some coffe. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes, ok?

For some reason you wanted to stay in YG building so you agreed and left. You had an idea to buy some coffe and come back to studio, pretending that fifteen minutes already left and you waited for too long. So you did it. You entered room that was now full of people. You heard discussion between Jiyong and producers. There was also Taeyang who left recording room, saying that he wanted to change his part. You saw Jiyong rubbing his face with tired expression.

Your father noticed you and directed you to corridor.

We’re having hard time because we may not have all songs ready for a planned date. He sigh, looking at you. I know why you’re coming here but he needs to focus now.. And I also don’t think it’s a good idea.

You prayed not to blush that time and be too obvious but you knew how to talk smoothly with your father to make him think that his assumptions were wrong.

No. You don’t know why I’m coming here and even if you think you know there’s no specific reason that I’m coming here. And even if there was, you can’t stop me.

Father started blinking with disbelief.

Here you go again. I don’t understand anything.

That was my intention, actually.

Ugh.. Ok, just go home. he said with resignation in tone.

___________________________________________________________

Before you fell asleep you remembered this awkward moment from past when you visited studio. You saw Daesung sleeping on couch and T.O.P sitting on chair, staring at his phone with his tongue sticked. He was probably playing some weird game. Music producer was doing something important but there was no trace of Jiyong.

Hi, Min Young. Are you looking for GD hyung?! you heard behind your back and you looked at Seungri with awe. T.O.P looked over his phone at you. You gulped silently and forced yourself to smile.

What? You’re weird, oppa. you laughed and patted his arm. I’m just bored. Can’t I stay here?

Of course you can! Seungri said. You sit on the couch. GD oppa will be back soon by the way. he added and you clenched your teeth to not to accidentally tell him to shup up. You noticed suspicious smile on T.O.P’s face.

But it would look too obvious if you left now. It would look like Seungri was right and you tried to run away from Jiyong. Besides, you wanted to see him so badly. Jiyong came and said short hello to you. He was in good mood and you just listened when he talked funny story about his trip to Japan. He was so adorable when he laughed so sincerely.

You knew that one of many things that made you fall in love with him was his sweet smile.

All right, boys. Time to go home. There’s nothing for you to do here now. producer annouced after few minutes.

Yes, sir! T.O.P shouted suddenly, jumping from his place and saluting. Daesung lifted his head with grimace.

Why are you screaming? I had so sweet dream. he mumbled.

D-Lite, you can go home and sleep as much as you want now. Jiyong laughed, stroking his head.

Oh ok..

You took your jacket and bag, ready to leave when you suddenly felt embrace around your chest.

Min Young-ah, thanks for cheering us up. It’s been a while when some girl was in studio and it’s boring without girls around. you heard Jiyong’s voice close to your ear.

You stopped breathing for a second. Did he just hugged you from behind? Right in front of the rest of members? You saw surprised face of Daesung and then you just started looking at the ground. Jiyong realeased you and you knew you was checking out if you’re fine.

Min Young-ah?

Why did you hug me? We.. Do you hug every girl you barely know?

You didn’t know how these words came out from your mouth but you sounded so cold. You were embarrased. Was he making fun of you because he knew what you felt about him or he was flirting like this with every girl?

No.. but.. We’re like a family. We, people from YG. he looked confused.You felt even bigger anger. So he hugged you like you was his sister or some cute puppy? It was even worse than him playing with you. At least then it would mean that he treated you like a women he’s attracted to. Not some baby. And then you said a words that you regretted later:

You’re just working with my father. We’re not that close.

It felt even more awkward because members were still there, looking at both of you. You bowed.

Thank you. I had a nice time. Good bye.

You left studio calmly but you started walking very fast to come to elevator before other memebers. You took a lift. It was raining outside so you stopped for a while, thinking what to do next.

Awful weather, isin’t it? My driver is coming. He will take you home. I heard your dad still has a meeting with CEO.

You looked at T.O.P approaching you, lighting his cigarette.

Thanks.

You like him, right? he asked you. You started staring at him but kept looking ahead. I mean, Jiyong-sshi.

You just nodded after longer silence. T.O.P smiled.

Many girls have crush on him.

I know. you answered.

He likes fooling around with girls at times but he didn’t mean to offend you. I’m sure he’s embarrassed now.

__________________________________________________________

And after that you felt that T.O.P was right because Jiyong didn’t try to talk to you instead of saying hello to you. He even seemed to not noticing you when you were coming. You decided that you will try to stop liking him so much but it was hard. You even started to date a guy from your school. It’s been years and you tried to avoid Jiyong. You just dated your boyfriend and you stopped coming to studio. You even felt that your feelings started fading away but ou was wrong. One day you had to visit your father’s workplace to give lunch that your mother prepared for whole crew. You saw Jiyong behind a glass in recording room, rapping his part. Your heart skipped.

Hey, guys. Come here. My daughter brought very delicious meal. you father said.

Can I go now? you asked, seeing that Jiyong was just taking off his headphones, ready to leave recording room.

Look at you. Not so long ago I couldn’t make you go home. Your father laughed. You will eat with us. Don’t be ridiculous. Sit down.

Jiyong came and he only looked shortly at you. Your father invited him for little treat.

He thanked and tooked his part of meal. He didn’t talk much. In fact he seemed to be in a bad mood.

I’ll go to smoke. T.O.P-sshi, you’re coming too? he annouced, rising from chair.

No. I just smoked. Thanks.

You finished eating and checked out if anyone was looking at you in any weird way.

Dad, I’ll be going now, ok? Thanks for your company. You bowed and left studio. You started looking around. You wanted to follow Jiyong so badly. You wanted to see him, to look at him and be with. He usually smoked on the roof so you went there but he wasn’t there. There was also a balcony on second floor where most of people smoked so went there. Jiyong was sitting on the stairs but he didn’t seem like someone who came to smoke a cigarette. He seemed more like someone deep in thought. He noticed you but didn’t say a word. He probably didn’t realise that you came here for him. You came closer.

What are you doing here?

I don’t know.. You seem down. Something’s wrong? You asked him, sitting next to him. He was clearly surprised.

Aren’t we just strangers? Why would you care about my mood?

You could feel bitterness in his voice, even if his face didn’t show any emotions.

But.. we didn’t seem strangers before.

You said yourself that I was just your father’s co-worker. he answered, not even looking at you.

You still remember what I said almost five years ago?! you couldn’t hide how surprised you were. He slowly nodded and started to laugh.

How couldn’t I? I thought that I will be killed by your father after he finds out I hugged his one and only daughter. Wasn’t that inappropriate when you were only 16?

Oh.. I see. you answered shortly, looking at the ground. Sorry for overacting. I was just.. surprised, I guess.

You noticed Jiyong smiling under his nose.

I’m sorry too. I don’t know what came into me. he added and there was something different in tone of his voice. You looked at him and he smiled lightly, looking away. Was is only your imagination or he just gulped?

Just the same way that you used to when you was nervous in front of him? Your felt your stomach coming to your throat. You involuntarily looked at his lips.

What? you asked nervously but he only smiled.His eyes were so beautiful and sparkling.

You even didn’t know when your faces become so close.You felt his breath on your lips and warmth of his body next to you.

Your lips met but just a second before they meant to be linked, your phone started to ring. You flinched on the sound of it so Jiyong moved his head away.

You looked at  display. Your boyfriend was calling you.

Aren’t you going to answer? Jiyong’s voice was cold.

Oh.. Yes.

You picked your phone and you heard your boyfriend’s voice:

Where are you? I found out you’re not home.

Did you check it? I told you before that I’ll be later. you answer with tired tone.

Why didn’t you answer my message? You’ve been ignoring me lately!

I’m not ignoring you. Stop screaming! you answered with anger. I’ll talki with you later. See ya!

Yah..

You disconnected and and looked down. There was a long silence between you and Jiyong. Like both of you were afraid to say anything. You finally got up from stairs. You take few steps but you stopped. You couldn’t just walk away when you almost kissed. But he heard your conversation with your boyfriend..

Min Young-ah.. you heard him and felt a touch of his fingers on your hand. He grabbed it and he quickly stood next to you like he was afraid that you might disappear in one second. When I heard you talking with him, it’s obvious that you’re not doing well. Maybe I’m delusional but it gave me some hope.

Hope? you only whispered, staring deeply in his eyes. You were breathing heavily.

I thought you didn’t like me all this time but now it looks like you care about me too, don’t you?

I-I do.. you mumured. He took both of your hands.

You can call me crazy jerk but I don’t care that you have a boyfriend. He touched your cheek, looking intensely at you. It makes me like you even more. he added and you suddenly felt that your legs became weak. Did he just confessed to you when you thought he didn’t even see you as a love interest?

But.. you started but he stopped you by sudden kiss. It was deep and passionate.

There wasn’t even a second when you just pulled him closer and kissed him back. I like you too, Jiyong.

[szopenhauer]

What is the reason you last got a new cell phone? because I needed phone with internet connection 

Are you more masculine or feminine? dunno, smth in between?

Which name have you kissed the most people with? I only kissed one person in my entire life

Do you enjoy All You Can Eat buffets? yes

Have you ever seen the band/artist you’re listening to live? I didn’t attend any Momomoyouth concerts

Last thing you printed off a computer? short story that I’ve written

Last thing you threw in the garbage? not sure what was last

Last black person you hugged? I saw few black people but never even had a chance to talk to them

Is life hard? for me it is, I know some people have it worse but still

Who does the song you’re listening to remind you of? nothing, I just enjoy it

Have you ever had anything pierced that isn’t anymore? never had anything pierced ever

Would you consider yourself “tough”? it’s complicated 

Headphones or earbuds? headphones

Do you support freedom of speech? I think some stuff should be censored like bullying

Are you ever told you are too opinionated? maybe 

Do you hold grudges for long? sometimes

What’s in your garden/backyard? you mean plants or other stuff like furniture or decor?

Do you own a purple pillow? nope

Do you have a brown blanket? nah

Do you think diamonds, stars or hearts are prettier? stars

Have you ever overflown a bath? noooo

Do you appreciate brutal honesty? not brutal but I appreciate honesty in general most of the time

When was the last time you ate meat? yesterday

Have your parents met your gf/exes? they met my current gf and my ex S.

How about your gf’s parents? Met them? I met my current gf’s parents 

Do you feel uncomfortable easily? kinda

Do you know how to say I love you in at least 4 languages? yup

What age will you be when you times your current age by two? 56

Do you find the sound of a cats purr relaxing? hmm...

Are you in a simple or complex mood? complex

Do you know your Mum’s first pets name? I need to ask my mom’s guinea pigs’ name :o

*she doesn’t remember

Do you like car racing? playing car racing games, don’t like to brag but I’m very good at it actually 

What is your closest uncle/aunt called? to me it’s my aunt Alicja (Alice)

Do you wear underwear to bed? when I have my period to have extra protection

Do you get angry, depressed or nervous more? all at once

What is something obvious about you that everyone notices? that I’m short 

Would you ever get a heart tattoo or your back? what for?

Do you like Sapphires? I don’t

What about you do you think your friends dislike? ask them

Would you allow your children to date prior to 16? (assuming you want any) I don’t want any and would allow but no sex! at least use protection or birth control

What’s something about adult life you were never warned of or prepared for? amount of illnesses for example

How often do you wash your car? I don’t have a car

Which app on your phone do you tend to get the most notifications from? fb messanger

Do you find it easy to put yourself in somebody else’s shoes? I believe

Have you ever kissed a smoker? I have not

If you won the lottery, do you think any of your family members would ask you to give them some of your money? my parents wouldn’t have to ask :)

What is the craziest thing you’ve seen happen at your workplace? crazy is that one of the coworkers actually disappeared - he left his stuff and didn’t took the money for the job - he was never found 

Have you ever disliked a book so much that you didn’t finish it? many times

Do you think tomorrow will be a better day than today? hope so

A word that describes you, starting with the last letter of your last name?: asexual

What is the age difference between the last two people you kissed romantically?: -

How many hours have you worked this month?: zero

How did you or whoever come up with the name(s) for your pet(s): he was fattest among his siblings as a puppy and used to eat a lot later too, he even ate roof of his house lmfao

Last time you washed your hair?: Monday’s night

What is your weight?: about 40 kg, I didn’t check recently

Last article of clothing you purchased?: dad bought a hoode NOT INTERESTED for me in second hand because I cold so cold yesterday but I worry I still got a flu :(

Last electronic you purchased?: powerbank from what I remember

What is your blood type?: no idea

Who did you last walk a dog with?: my dad, we always go together for walks because it’s quite dangerous to wander alone around the forest

Ride bikes with?: same

For what reason did you last high five someone?: I virtually high fives my gf because we agreed on smth

Are you emotional? I’m more analytical/logical/overthinker but I still am very emotional Have you ever cut/burned yourself intentionally? ... Have you ever noticed the hidden adult jokes inside of kid shows/movies? in Shrek, the one about penis

Do you sin often? only God knows What do you think happens after you die? we have a funeral :P Are you afraid to die? I’m afraid of looking stupid and people laughing, being a burden, others trying to save me (or me trying to save myself of course) and failing, someone stealing my stuff while I’m unconscious, suffering for a long time, waking up in a casket, going to hell etc. If you had the chance, would you want to know the date of your death? YES Have you ever felt that you weren’t good enough? I’m not enough and yet too much if you know what I mean Are you jealous of your siblings? I am, she’s lucky, normal

Are you always wanting more? I want more than I have but not as much as people usually want - I want health and enough money to not just barely survive but I don’t dream about career, kids, big house, fame, talents, travelling, beauty, long life etc. Do you make good first impressions? pfft Do you consider yourself guarded?  it seems Do you like animals? majority but still wouldn’t want to own them 

Do you think doctors prescribe medicine too often? absolutely, too many meds are causing more problems than help and the fact lots of them are sold without prescription makes me angry and sad Do you enjoy getting drunk, or do you feel like you’re losing all control? I don’t drink because I don’t like the taste/smell and the consequences - losing control is one of them but also hangover and puking for examples Do you think the internet is dangerous? almost everything can be

Who do you think has the most pressure to be good-looking; guys or girls? women are pressured more to be attractive Do you care what impression you make on people? not much Honestly, do you say racist things? nah Do your parents put way too much pressure on you? not really Do you think people overreact when their pets die? not usually

Has anyone ever told you they needed space? that’s what I say!

Do you actually think there will be a zombie apocalypse? smth similar 

Do you get offended really easily? I’m pretty sensitive

Have you ever punched a wall out of complete anger? not wall, furniture

Ever been turned down in a really mean way? in my opinion that was hurtful

Are you ticklish? I am and hate that about me

Do you currently have a pair of UGG boots? I use them as slippers during winter :3

When was the last time you had a stomach ache? morning

Have you ever been to a circus? at least once <3

Does drama seem to follow you everywhere you go? I live in a drama movie Do you ever regret giving your number to people? regretted Have you ever been told that you’re afraid of your own shadow? fuck you! Have you ever tried Gouda cheese? obvi Do you still watch South Park? I never did You’re babysitting, what do you expect per hour for pay? been doing it for free :( What’s the last thing you returned at a store? tried to return computer and even tho it was on guarantee they didn’t fix it, it didn’t work from the start and it’s only getting worse >.< Do you still look at clouds and make shapes of them? it’s so much fun! :D If you had to dye your hair for one year, what color would you pick? green What’s your television addiction? non existent Have you ever had any painful dental work done? If so, what? 4 hours of root canal without anesthesia Do you make your own jewelry or clothing? tried but I’m bad at it Do you use drawing to describe what you’re feeling? preffered collages  Do you give everything you do 100%? I half ass majority of the things I do

If you could transform into any kind of animal, what animal would you be? raccoon? XD  actually a bird I guess One place you would never want to get lost in in the dark? somewhere I could fall down like from the roof or into a deep hole and where are sharp objects etc. Are you claustrophobic? just my head is, I’m scared to be stuck in smth with my head, I know it’s strange If you could be reincarnated, would you come back as another human or an animal? If an animal, what kind? I just want a good life... but never come back would be a better option - no more death  Easiest way to scare you? jump scares What was your last nightmare about? personal

Do you own any knee-high boots? no longer Have you ever kissed a dog on the mouth? disgusting!

How many squares of toilet paper do you use at a time? 2-3 Have you ever had acupuncture done to you? heard you can get ill outta that Do you play hopscotch? played a bit as a child Are you jealous of beautiful people? rarely  Are you foolish and naive? I try my best not to be yet end up being fooled at times anyway Do you play with the food on your plate? my mom does and that annoys me When you were born was the umbilical cord wrapped around your neck? luckily not Have you ever taken a mud bath? no thx Do you have nude photos of yourself posted on the internet? I didn’t even really took any to begin with Are you considered “normal”?

Do you want to skydive? nah Have you ever been told that you talk too much? and not enough, you can’t please anyone

What’s the latest youtube channel you’ve discovered and binge-watched?   https://www.youtube.com/c/naomijon/videos

Do you think your hair looks better long or short? it’s ugly 

Do you look best with or without bangs?   I prefer no bangs

Do you enjoy editing photos on your phone? I like filters sometimes but not editing

Which season do you wish would last longer?   summer

Haw many outdoor birthday parties have you had?   none, sadly, my birthday is during winter so I can’t 

How much taller or shorter are you than your mom?   like 10 cm taller even tho I’m so tiny

Do you have neat handwriting? r u kidding?...

Would you rather hike a mountain or dive into the sea?   hike

Which Barbie doll was your favorite? that one I slept with and broke her neck but I loved my Ken as much (and broke his legs but my dad fixed him) - that’s unusual as those are the only toys I actually ever broke (not counting my fav stuffed animal that lost it’s head but my mom sewed it back) and not because I didn’t care for them like some kids but because I loved them 

Do you prefer cheetah or zebra print, polka dots, paisleys, plaid, stripes or stars? animal prints are ok at times, paisley and some kinds of plaid too but I love stripes and stars and hate polka dots 

Do you like your natural hair color? whatever

Did you dream of becoming famous as a kid?   later in life I wanted to become an actress 

Have you ever been to a gynecologist? several times and I regret that

Do you use the Bitmoji app on your phone? used to

Do you get on facebook every day? yep

Would you ever consider naming a child after a family member?   not that I want to have kids but yes

List three names that sound similar to your name.   apparently Zosia is similar to Zuzia but also Anna as it’s part of Zuzanna

What were you almost named?   Lilia (Lily)

What does your name mean? same hahaha

Do you have any symptoms of COVID-19 right now? luckily not

Have you made your own mask to help prevent the spread of the virus?   my mom is making those

Do you ever wish you had someone to hug?   I have someone to hug

[theseventhhex]

Downtown Boys Interview

Downtown Boys

Photo by Farrah Skeiky

Downtown Boys use their ferocious energy and powerhouse live shows to unite crowds in the struggle to smash racism, queer-phobia, capitalism, fascism, boredom, and all things people use to try to close our minds, eyes and hearts. The Providence, RI band’s third album, ‘Cost of Living’, is at once incendiary, cathartic, and fun, melding the band’s revolutionary ideals with boundless energy. The position of Downtown Boys has been clear since they started storming through basements and DIY spaces with their radically-minded, indefatigable rock music: they are here to topple the white-cis-het hegemony and draft a new history… We talk to Joey L DeFrancesco about recording in anxious times, Solange and men’s room mirrors…

TSH: Talk us through your intentions in wanting to discover a different type of space with the latest album ’Cost of Living’...

Joey: Well, at heart, the album is definitely a rock and punk record. We didn’t want to be too overdramatic musically, but we definitely wanted to expand our palette overall. It gets boring sticking with the same sort of sounds, so artistically we were just looking to add new colours. We just wanted more mid-tempo songs and kind of realised that we didn’t have to play everything at a million miles per-hour.

TSH: This was achieved via using keyboards and guitars to replace the saxophone in carrying the melodies, unlike your previous album...

Joey: Yeah, it was intentional in making it so the melodies in our music could be carried by different instruments like the keyboard and guitar. I think I just wanted the instrumentation to be more accessible for myself too. I kind of got sick of the saxophone carrying each melody, besides applying the keyboard and guitar allows for a different listening experience. I feel using both instruments can help listeners to pay attention for longer too, instead of having a blaring horn so high in the mix like the last record.

TSH: The album was recorded during a very tense time in the US. What was the dynamic like in the studio?

Joey: Well, we wrote the record before Trump was elected. Most of it was written in 2015, but even then there was a lot happening politically. When it came to recording the songs there was certainly a high level of anxiety, because by then Trump had been inaugurated. There were protests happening at airports regarding the Muslim ban and we were locked in the studio. As you can imagine, everything felt anxious because there were quite a few other notable issues coming to the surface from a political standpoint too. The studio dynamic was mostly tense and anxious. It was difficult to focus knowing that so much fear and anxiety was manifesting. Everything felt so debilitating.

TSH: Would you agree that the lyrics are more nuanced alongside a wider spectrum of emotions?

Joey: Yeah, absolutely. I write most of the music and Victoria will do most of the lyrics - but in the end we’ll go back and forth with it all. But yeah, we certainly had more thoughtful and stern lyrical content to consider. I guess being alive right now and dealing with the current global situation there are a lot of nuances to do with survival on a day-to-day basis and trying to keep up. It was inevitable that these factors would make their way into our lyrical content.

TSH: Tell us more about getting ‘A Wall’ to sound just right...

Joey: That song took a while to finish and went through a few versions before we settled on what’s on the record. I initially had the verses and intro to it, but the chorus wasn’t quite there. We kept bringing it to practise for weeks and trying new choruses, until we settled on the simplest one of them all. It was just too overblown at first so we settled on the simple two chords on the chorus, which was most effective.

TSH: Does ‘Violent Complicity’ take you back to specific memories in time?

Joey: Yeah, it’s very much a track that reminds me of a certain time and a bunch of different emotions. I also really like how we can perform that song live in a bunch of different ways and with different structures. It’s actually one of oldest songs on the record and the most worked on. I guess it encompasses feelings and ideas spanning a long time, since it took about a year to put it together.

TSH: When you perform live, you get to release a lot of tension and bond with the audience. Is being onstage your happy place?

Joey: I think performing is definitely our favourite part about being a band. We love playing live and connecting with people. Our first goal as a band was to have 20 minutes of songs so we could play live! Even now, this type of attitude still defines us in many ways. To play live and have fans in various countries appreciate the music is very rewarding for us.

TSH: You had a show recently cancelled in Ireland because of a hurricane...

Joey: Yeah, I totally didn’t expect that. However, we actually did get to explore more than we normally do because of the cancellation. We had a day off and just wandered around which was nice in a sense, but it was unfortunate that we didn’t get to play there.

TSH: With Downtown Boys you get to confront so many realities head on and the overriding assumption is that you can improve your way of life, as well as bring to light issues that need to be tackled...

Joey: Yeah, I think that’s kind of where the band is coming from right now. We’re not just angry and pissed off and believing that change is hard to achieve. We definitely feel we can use our platform to bring light to issues that require attention. We don’t want to fall into nihilism and hopelessness and not even be motivated to make music, even though it gets hard. When we're able to do it, it’s all coming out of a belief that we can have some sort of positive impact, however small it may be. It’s all you can do with whatever job you’re doing - believe that you can somehow make changes for the better - that’s what propels us.

TSH: I understand recently your wallet got stolen, however, on the same day Solange came to one of your shows - so it kind of balanced out for you. Was this a bittersweet day for you?

Joey: Haha! You’re getting deep now! Yeah, I guess it was. I never saw her at the show personally because we were onstage, but everyone at the back was saying that Solange indeed came to our show in New Orleans. It was a pretty surreal day. So my wallet got stolen, which is not a fun thing to happen on tour. I was constantly on the phone to the bank trying to get my debit card mailed to different addresses too. It was just a nightmare to not have an ID on tour, but I made it through in the end.

TSH: Also, it really bothers you that 60% of the time venues with men’s rooms don’t have mirrors in them, this is something you want fixed…

Joey: Ha! Yeah, so I do drag performing as another side project and I always like to get ready and look the part. Very often I end up playing these punk bars and I’m trying to do makeup to present myself in the right way, but the men’s rooms have no space, let alone any mirrors. I end up using my phone or the female restroom to get a mirror. They really should have them available since it’s a pretty easy thing to do. To me, the implication in not having mirrors says it’s not for men to do themselves up, so I hope this changes in the near future.

TSH: What brings about most happiness when you guys are on tour?

Joey: I really feel happy when someone goes out of their way to see us and has some sort of connection with our music - that makes me feel really humbled. Also, it can be stressful to tour so we do stupid stuff and come up with silly games and in-jokes to keep ourselves entertained. Humour always helps.

TSH: As a band, not a single value has been compromised - is this the type of stance that you want to maintain and hold on to?

Joey: I guess so. Also, I think we just want to reach more people, as well as wanting a small compensation for doing this full time. I think artists should be compensated accordingly - it’s only fair. And yes, you’re right; we don’t feel like we need to compromise, since we know what we need to do as workers right now. We’re lucky that we can say what we want to and that we are not commanded to express and present ourselves in certain ways. We’ve remained true to our original vision and we’ve taken every opportunity we’ve had and tried to maximise it in terms of the message that we can put out there.

Downtown Boys - “Somos Chulas (No Somos Pendejas)”

Cost of Living

[uterusclub]

Hot, Chicago summers are generally, not very fun but somehow, we manage. This past month was nothing short of spectacular – even despite the sweltering, blistering, hell heat. We kicked the month off with a visit to the very critically acclaimed Par-King miniature golf course out in Lincolnshire. Solely based off of the reviews on this place, expectations were HIGH. To ensue extra, satisfaction, I purchased a Groupon for an Indian Restaurant by the name of Marigold Maison through whom we purchased some bag-insulated yummers for dinner. I’ll save you the suspense and tell you the food was not good. Although I’m fairly certain we’ve become tikka masala snobs at this point. Service was super awkward as well as the restaurant has a grocery attached to it with shelved goods that look as though they’d been there for god knows how long. In any case, I wouldn’t venture there ever again. But back to the golfing. We arrived mid-day on a Wednesday in hopes of beating any summer-time crowds. And much to our delight, the place was not busy at all. I will say we were gravely disappointed in the different themed courses that felt very lacking – especially after reading of the reputation of this joint. The literal best thing about the entire course was the ‘roller coaster’ hole which well, Sharon grabbed some awesome video of so be sure to check that out in the montage (shameless plug). I would consider trying it again – maybe with the other course since the ‘cooler’ holes were all on the other game option. Let’s also take into account that Sharon was dealing with some mental and emotional bullshit right before we started playing so she wasn’t exactly in the right mind-set to even attempt enjoying the golf of minisculeness.

And then there was the Fourth of July. Which well, we usually don’t do much for – simply based on the elements of too many people being out and about in the world doing dumb and annoying things. But for some reason or rather, the lure of a Paranormal Circus presenting itself to us, did we become much bolder this year. But I’m getting ahead of myself. The day started off with a bit of work-from-home since I’m commission-based and don’t get PAID on days off. Following that, I believe the boozing commenced which involved a lovely rendition of Berry Vodka reminiscent of snow cone syrup. Following that, we baked some pre-bought chips and ate some previously purchased pasta and potato salads while we vegged on the couch to enjoy the down time.

Once it became a decent hour to leave, we headed out to the Paranormal Cirque located out in Orland Park. I had read that there was a pre-show to the event so of course, we arrived hella early (pun intended). Gates weren’t even open as we reached the mall parking lot where dark tents had been resurrected. Twas quite a strange sight, really. But we enjoyed taking pictures and videos of the tented darkness awaiting us. Once we were finally allowed in, we entered the main tent area where a table was set up selling masks. There was also a face painter in the corner adjacent which I considered partaking in but the artist was taking far way too long for my liking. As we stood around in the main area awaiting this ‘pre-show,’ we noticed a Mad-Max, steam-punk looking little person riding around on an electric wheelchair. She’d speed up close to unsuspecting victims, point her gun and scare creepily at them before slowly backing away. It was cool for the first couple minutes but eventually, we came to the conclusion that there really WAS no pre-show.

After we were finally allowed into the show arena, we met several, random performers who were entertaining, yes, but nothing extravagant. Once seated in our front-row elitist-ship, we watched a little person clown walk around and harass random people. He quite enjoyed throwing popcorn at me. As the time dwindled on, we become more and more annoyed with the fact that yet again, another show was NOT going to start on time. Sadly, the venue wasn’t very packed either. Once the show resumed, we were mildly entertained. The man ‘comedic’ character was hilarious but the crassness of the show was a bit too much for our liking. As such, we darted out at intermission to enjoy a colorful, sky extravaganza on our way home.

Next on the party-bus roster for July was Garden a Go Go – a burlesque show that sounded most intriguing. Situated in a warehouse-looking building in Humboldt Park (a clear indication nothing good could possibly come of us), we again, arrived very early in anticipation of much awesomeness. Unfortunately, our $20 donation didn’t seem worthwhile for the non-air-conditioned frenzy of annoyance we were met with. Granted, there was a very awesome hoop aerialist doing some ‘pre-show’ performance while we yet again, waited the untimely nature of the production. We sat and sweated and listened to DJ-ed music accompanied very ineloquently by a saxophone player. Not even the sax could save our spirits. Let me also point out that drink tickets were mandatory and that no bottled water was available. After staying to watch the show until, literally, we finished watching the Abraham Lincoln performance, we left immediately and pondered actually picking up and dropping off a case of water for the poor souls continuing to suffer without quench.

As remedy to our disappointment for the Garden a No No, I suggested we stop off at my most beloved Sidekicks for a drink and song. Sharon was most agreeable and we headed over. This night was COMPLETELY turned around by this decision. Not only did we become cool with the karaoke guru, Joe, but we made friends with my waitress’s friends, Bart and Maria who were the coolest people ever. Bart was literally creating self-echoes over the mic and ended up buying us buttery-nipple shots at one point. I even discovered one of my dance student’s moms also waitresses there! Talk about your small world! Had a blast. We would end up at Sidekicks two more times that month. The second was just as fun. The last was well, not as anticipated but all in all, it’s a great default place to scout out any time. Ah concerts. How I do loathe thee – unless you are outdoors and I have plenty of personal space which is precisely what we achieved this month! We grabbed some super cheap tickets for Hollywood Casino Amphitheater in Tinley Park for 311 even though we were actually going for the opening bands. After having our sunscreen and bug spray discarded my security (doh) and having to walk the perimeter of the joint to get the correct ‘will call’ window, I paid way too much for plastic mason jars of vodka. Lawn seat were spectacular and we came prepared with Skip-Bo which, due to wind complication, involved putting every item we owned on every card pile to prevent throw-aways. The opening bands were good up until the last one before 311 at which point, we could not muster the will for it was quite horrendous. It was strange to pack up before the main band but quite satisfactory.

Ravinia. Can’t go wrong. Every year I try to make it a point to find SOMEONE to see here. Again, lawn seats are the absolute best for comfort. We again arrived with Skip-BO after venturing to Viaggio in Highland Park for some take-away dinner goods. The place was PACKED for arriving at 5 o’clock on a Sunday! I’d never seen it so full so early on in the day. But we valiantly made our way around the venue until we found a sufficient spot to lay our wares. The music performance was The Music of Queen with a vocalist named Brody Dolyniuk who, was an awesome singer but horrendous speaker. Guy sounded like an infomercial. Several songs into the performance and after battling a swat of flies whom invaded one suspicious corner of our blanket, we headed out.

I never claim to be of Irish descent, although, my brother allegedly found out our family is a small percentage Irish, but that has never been necessary for partaking in the Irish Fest held every year at The Irish Heritage Center. We grabbed some food at a local spot conveniently across the street from Sidekicks, Old Irving Brewing Co. before making our way to the Irish Fest. After arriving we observed the place to be very much dead – which is always in our favor. We immediately grabbed drinks and headed to the outdoor tent area to take a gander at the vendors and musical performances. Sharon entered us in a Trip to Ireland drawing which we clearly didn’t win. We popped upstairs to take a look at the indoor exhibits and watched some Irish dancing for a hot second before heading out an inevitably ending up at Sidekicks (which we’ve previously discussed).

What better way to spend a Tuesday evening than drinking and BINGO’ing? It’s not often I have Tuesday evenings available due to dance scheduling so we took advantage of an opportunity to visit Eris Brewery and Cider House for their special BINGO event. We’d previously been here for their cider and were a bit underwhelmed. The same was true this most recent go. But I will say, their sweet potato waffle fries with bacon and a bunch of other awesome stuff were off the CHAIN! SO good! BINGO involved maybe three tables including ours, there were about 11 of us total? And it STILL took several people leaving before Sharon’s ‘luck’ kicked in during the last three games. Brian, a brewer, was the caller who was most entertaining. His gibberish between games was hilarious – until he went on tangents about making cider at which point, I was buzz, tired, and pissed I hadn’t won and therefore, was no longer amused. Sharon came away with a t-shirt and a bunch of other, random, useless items. I came away with much embitterment, per usual.

If you’re ever looking for a delish, Philly’s cheesesteak, look no further than Monti’s near Albany Park. I loved this place since the first time I tried it. It’s cute, carefree and I’ve never experienced bad service. After parking a bit away and trekking endlessly in the blistering sun, we arrived, grab some $5 martinis and consumed some delicious goods! Martinis take #2 underwent and buzzed, we headed off to the second event for the night: K. Karaoke and Paint. Because what could POSSIBLY be better than drinking, painting AND singing? Oh yeah, yes, it’s also BYOB so we grabbed our insulated Moscow mule cans from the car and walked a short way to the storefront. Once inside, we grabbed our seats, iced some cups and awaited the rest of the attendees. Eventually, we began our painting project of a sunflower in between which, I sang a song or two. The more we boozed, the more ‘creative’ our paintings became. At one point, Sharon was beckoned to the make-shift dance-floor at which time, everyone forgot what they were doing. At the very end of the event, you guessed it, we headed to Sidekicks (again, already covered this) and ultimately, took our paintings back home where I drunkenly decided to leave our art work outside the doorstep of our old-lady neighbor, as a gift. The following morning I barely remember this act of generosity and to this day wonder just what she was thinking when she noticed them.

We were very much looking forward to attending the Bristol Renaissance Faire this month, however, due to the heat severity, we determined it would not be the greatest idea to do so in July. As a replacement, however, we decided to get some tattoos. Sharon acquired a bridge and I, a sheep. Not a bad time for a lazy, hot Saturday.

The month of July was wrapped up with a few cat themes. Poor monkey-bear was taken to the vet due to violent, butt-licking tendencies which resulted in some prescribed laxative and pain medication. He’s doing much better now. I believe the demons haunting his butthole have vacated. Aside from that, we took in a performance of Cats downtown at the Nederlander Theatre. So here’s the thing on that. I don’t get it. I’ve never gotten it. Every time I try to understand that show, it fails. I couldn’t understand a damn thing the actors were sing/saying other than ‘Jellicle Cats’ which til this day, I still don’t know what the hell they are! Does anyone? Someone respond to this blog with an explanation please. Again, we left at intermission, very glad to have at LEAST experienced ‘Memories’ which is always a good, inner cry.

All in all, not a bad month – despite my obvious, aforementioned bitching. Complications and let-downs aside, nothing was going to stop these queens from enjoying this sexy, hot summer.

First-Act Queens Hot, Chicago summers are generally, not very fun but somehow, we manage. This past month was nothing short of spectacular – even despite the sweltering, blistering, hell heat.

[jessicakmatt]

SubmitHub Founder Jason Grishkoff Talks Blogs, DIY Promotion and Artist Discovery

SubmitHub Founder Jason Grishkoff Talks Blogs, DIY Promotion and Artist Discovery: via LANDR Blog

Promoting your music effectively on a DIY basis is tricky.

Watching big artists pour thousands into massive campaigns can make the limitations of a low budget seem hopeless.

But there are some tried and true techniques that all artists can take advantage without breaking the bank.

One of the most effective is submitting your music to playlists and blogs to share with their audience.

Reaching out to them properly used to be a big job in its own right. That’s why Indie Shuffle founder Jason Grishkoff created SubmitHub to streamline the process.

We sat down with Jason to talk to about the blogosphere, DIY music promotion and the future of artist discovery.f

Q: Hi Jason. Like many musicians, I have vivid memories of sending hundreds of cold emails to music blogs hoping for a post or review. It was difficult, tedious and I barely ever got a response.

SubmitHub seems to have eliminated all that while simultaneously rescuing curators from the endless pileup of pitches in their inbox.

When did you realize the blog submissions model was broken?

I started my music blog Indie Shuffle back in 2008-2009.

At the beginning I was just finding songs I liked on BitTorrent websites and I really had no idea there was a blog culture.

But I quickly found myself on Elbo.ws, which was kind of the precursor to Hypem.

There was a really nice community of other blogs there and we’d exchange tips on how to generate more traffic and get more awareness.

When Hypem took off and Indie Shuffle got added I started to get emails from musicians, managers, publicists and record labels.

When Hypem took off and Indie Shuffle got added I started to get emails from musicians, managers, publicists and record labels.

And I thought, “hey this is cool, they’re just sending me music to put up on my website.”

But a couple years later it got out of hand. I was receiving hundreds of emails a day.

And so I set up a fake submissions address and just said I can’t deal with it anymore. It’s all rubbish, nothing’s personalized and everything was getting lost in the BCC lists.

It was clear that people didn’t want to build a relationship. They just wanted to use me to get on Indie Shuffle. And I wasn’t even really making any money as a blogger. Not enough to do it full time.

That was 2013. 2015 was when I started SubmitHub. I think the idea was spurred by the fact that Indie

Shuffle was no longer a viable business for me to be employed by and I had to come up with a different idea.

I was playing around with all kinds of different business ideas that weren’t very inspiring and I was still faced with this problem of a completely overflowing inbox.

So I decided to try to tackle that with a smooth blog submission system.

Q: One reason blogs became as influential as they did is the success of aggregators like Hype Machine. How do you view the legacy of Hype Machine in formalizing the blog system?

Don’t get me wrong, Hype Machine was great for blogs. I don’t think Indie Shuffle would be where it was without it.

And it was incredibly influential for a time. I definitely heard stories of record labels where every Friday they would sit around to discuss the popular chart on Hype machine.

But in my mind a lot of of its success was due to the fact that you could game it. If you were a publicist you got pretty good at figuring out the formulas and how to get ahead on it.

And since the blogs had stopped paying attention to their submissions, they just started watching what other bloggers were posting on Hypem.

And from there it just became a rehash of the same music. Even when I wanted to find new music, I would go to Hype Machine. As a blogger on Hype Machine! It’s kind of ironic.

A couple of my writers were still responding to publicists, but in general small independent acts rarely got a chance to get any sort of coverage.

A couple of my writers were still responding to publicists, but in general small independent acts rarely got a chance to get any sort of coverage.

When I enabled SubmitHub and starting paying attention to submissions again I thought, “wow this is back to the origins of why I was music blogging in the first place.”

With SubmitHub you finally have the bloggers actually listening to everyone’s music. It doesn’t matter if you are represented by a massive major label or if this is your first ever single.

Your song has just as good a shot as anyone else’s. What that means is that the bloggers aren’t paying attention to what any other blogs are posting nor are they paying attention to what hype machine’s posting.

They’re all just focused on the fact that they’re all getting 20-50 submissions per day in their feed, and that’s what they’re paying attention to.

Q: SubmitHub does an amazing job of balancing the needs of both curators AND artists. Did the ideas behind the platform come more from the perspective of one side or the other?

It was a natural progression for sure. It’s been about three and a half years since I kicked off SubmitHub and what’s cool is that I’m the only developer.

It’s been about three and a half years since I kicked off SubmitHub and what’s cool is that I’m the only developer.

Our team is still really small. As the guy who does all the customer support and all the development I can see exactly where people’s pain points are what the users’ issues are.

For example, a very common complaint that would come up is that the genres didn’t match well.

People would say, “I sent this person a hip-hop track but they’ve never posted hip-hop, why are you telling me to send to them?”

And I would say well, I’m not telling you to send to them—they said they like hip-hop and it’s your decision ultimately.

Ok so that’s a bit of a problem, People are obviously frustrated so I’ll try to solve it.

So I’d go in and ask well how much do they like hip-hop? Sometimes even if these blogs have hip-hop enabled you probably shouldn’t send them that, but here’s a blog who totally loves hip-hop based on their history.

Taking this kind of information and trying to solve the pain points for the artists was definitely part of that progression.

Q: Music promotion platforms that rely on paid transactions from artists are sometimes viewed with suspicion. How do you balance bloggers’ and artists’ expectations with a sustainable business model?

As they should be! [laughs] This actually gets to something about SubmitHub that I feel like has been taken out of context in the past.

People have asked me why bloggers like SubmitHub and I say besides the fact that it makes their lives a lot easier, they use it because of the money!

People jump on that but it’s part of the reason that I rolled out the monetization component.

If SubmitHub existed without any sort of premium and I was a blogger on there getting 50 submissions a day, I would have almost no incentive to actually check them.

My only incentive would be that there’s potentially good music here that I could share with my audience. But for 99% of these curators, that audience isn’t generating them any money.

So premium credits are really a way of keeping bloggers engaged, active and feeling like it’s actually worth their time to spend 2 hours everyday going through these submissions.

The money is a small amount. It’s anywhere between $0.50 and $1.50 USD for each submission.

SubmitHub keeps what’s left and at the end of the day if you’re going to argue that $0.50 is payola well…[laughs]���it’s hard for me to counter that if you’re really stuck on the idea that it is.

But that’s the basic rule of the platform. Anyone on SubmitHub absolutely cannot have any form of payola. They get kicked off if we catch them and we’re always running sting operations.

Q: SubmitHub offers connections to everything from traditional music blogs to Twitch streamers. What are your insights on which channels will become the most important for DIY promotion?

Well everyone is still talking about independent playlists.

I still get Indie Shuffle emails and they’ll email me asking to be on my Spotify playlist. And I’m like, “hey I’m an OG blog! And you want to be on my Spotify playlist?”

But I think it’s becoming increasingly hard for them to stay relevant because of how many fake playlisters are out there.

For myself I still really see the value in a Hype machine campaign. I would filter SubmitHub to hit every single Hypem blog I could and start out with a premiere request.

Even if your goal is to get on Spotify playlists the blogs still matter because the Spotify editors pay a lot of attention to them, especially Hypem blogs.

In the end though there’s no one clear path to success. To reference Chris Hillard’s recent quote from a piece on Pigeons and Planes, there still isn’t a formula that can find an artist before the formula does.

If you’re doing a promo campaign today SubmitHub can help but you still need to tell your friends, your family and hit it from as many angles as you can.

All I can say is that if someone offers you placement for money, turn the other way. No matter what, even if it looks good.

All I can say is that if someone offers you placement for money, turn the other way. No matter what, even if it looks good.

There’s a reason that’s illegal in the radio industry!

Q: Any other advice for artists promoting their own music aside from using SubmitHub?

Not being an artist myself, you’ll have to take this with a grain of salt, but today’s state of music allows listeners to dive into their specific niche.

Your strategy should be to find a niche of listeners people who care about your music and are focused on that, rather than looking for some runaway success.

What is my music? Is it ambient drone? Is it christian soundtrack music? Whatever. You can get in on that and really focus on that.

Q: What’s next for SubmitHub?

We’re working on multi-language support which is incredibly exciting. I’ve got a translation system I’m working on that will help me get the whole entire site into 10 or 20 different languages, which could open things up a lot.

There’s also the Hot or Not section. It’s a feature for artists to rate other artists. I coded it just for fun over christmas and it’s totally taken off.

We’re up to 3000-4000 ratings a day, so I’ll be giving that a bit more attention to see it where it goes.

It’s like a whole different product within SubmitHub, but people really like it!

The post SubmitHub Founder Jason Grishkoff Talks Blogs, DIY Promotion and Artist Discovery appeared first on LANDR Blog.

from LANDR Blog https://blog.landr.com/submithub-interview-jason-grishkoff/ via https://www.youtube.com/user/corporatethief/playlists from Steve Hart https://stevehartcom.tumblr.com/post/186053321819

[whathappenedtolilitkililit]

10/31/2017

happy halloween? this october hasn’t felt properly octobery. the weather just felt like a mix of september and november with none of that brown leaf smell. I don’t like that this happened.

today was ok I guess. I’m starting to get used to not wanting to die. it’s still kind of weird but the absence of looking forward to death is bothering me less.

work was work. I took a long break after I reached quota but still managed to be ten parts over quota by the end of my shift. I’m starting to give serious thought to becoming a baker. I don’t know exactly what to do, but I do know that I make a mean soup bread, excellent peanut butter oatmeal craisin cookies, and probably fairly good stuffed sourdough rolls. I still have to try that one but my creativity usually pays off. I’m a little worried about cakes though. I haven’t really tried them before but I figure eggs and heavy cream will be my saviors. I’m not confident about my sweet things because when I think about delicious foods it’s rarely about desserts.

if I want to do that I’m going to have to figure out how to start a business, which is probably less difficult but more convoluted than I would expect. I don’t know if bakeries are that much of a thing anymore either? big box stores tend to have their own after all. hm. but it’s worth the dedication to look into it, right? or would that move to the ranks of the petty bourgeoisie be a betrayal of my values? I’m going to say probably not, as long as I keep the vision of the commune centered in my efforts.

also, nanowrimo starts tomorrow and I’m not sure if I want to bother with it. I mean, I know I won’t have the energy to make the word count. I didn’t even when I wasn’t exhausted from work in previous years. but maybe I should write something anyway?

the last day of every month I put together a playlist for the following month, no longer than 80 minutes, no more than one song per artist, and no more than two songs by artists starting with the same letter. variety, you know? here’s my playlist for the month of november, 2017.

the way you like it - adema next time - al's not well d.s. al pine - bell, book and canto movin' out - billy joel the new ground/isle of hope, isle of tears - celtic woma fotzepolitic - cocteau twins only human - damh the bard it's over isn't it - deedee magno hall mysteria - e nomine ancient grounds - emilie autumn dreams - fleetwood mac howl - florence + the machine last living souls - gorillaz boulevard of broken dreams - green day goodnight and go - imogen heap pardon me - incubus 57821 - janelle monae feat. deep cotton this flight tonight - joni mitchell familiar - kind of pluto paparazzi - lady gaga