#I tried liking them but a lot of them resolve around terrible internal turmoil for the hero which could be solved with communication
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4. Sahib Biwi Aur Ghulam (62) Meena Kumari is a goddess
8. Mughal-e-Azam (60) Lives up to the hype, which is almost unbelievable
14. Devdas (55) LBR it's not nearly as memorable as Bhansali's version
24. Aan (52) Odd film, but holds your attention
52. Howrah Bridge(58) Great noir
58. Aarti (62) Meena Kumari is a goddess
62. Taj Mahal (63) So romantic???
67. Awara (51) Eh
70. Solva Saal (58) A pure delight beginning to end
71. Anarkali (53) Ohhhh this film and its soundtrack
81. Chaudhvin Ka Chand (60) I was impatient with both of the heroes
83. Barsaat (49) This film just would not end
84. Aah (53) Superior to KHNH in both music and ending NGL
? 87. Aah (53)
100. Madhumati (58) Darling and haunting both
102. Professor (62) So cute
106. Nagin (54) I can't believe Pradeep and Vyjayanthimala were in this omg 😂
111. Mere Mehboob (63) Soooo romantic with such good music ugh
113. Barsaat Ki Raat (60) Ugh, Main Ne Shayad Tumhen is SO GOOD
120. Junglee (61) Absolutely delightful
130. Kala Pani (58) Really good drama
155. Bahurani (63) *Have I actually watched this or just the Hema Malini remake Jyoti??
167. Bahut Din Huwe (54) A cute but meandering fairy tale
169. Shree 420 (55) I honestly forgot most of it
177. Parineeta (53) Eh
196. Basant (60) A mashup of It Happened One Night turning into An Affair to Remember IIRC; my main memory is Tanuja exclaiming "My foot!" with great indignation
213. Dil Tera Deewana (62) Cute, title song slaps
232. China Town (62) Great noir
272. Chalti Ka Naam Gaadi (58) Very Marx Brothers tbh
283. Tumsa Nahi Dekha (57)I LOVE THIS ONE AND ITS SOUNDTRACK
? 455. Tumsa Nahi Dekha (57)
345. Kohinoor (60) So CUTE !! Also have I mentioned that Meena Kumari is a goddess?
363. Aas Ka Panchhi (61) Eh
411. Dulari (49) Reminded me vaguely of Wodehouse actually, but tiresome
415. Mr & Mrs 55 (55) Everything about this film is perfect
416. Singapore (60) Great noir
487. Boyfriend (61) Has some killer songs
499. Passport (61) Great noir
Is...is Mother India not on this list?? I mean I feel like that's a film one endures rather than enjoys, but if you're talking golden classics it's in the top 3 or 5, yeah?
No but I may use the rest of the list as a Watchlist, NGL. I need more 1950s and early 1960s bollywood in my life, for real
INDIES GOLDEN HINDIS! - TOP 500 FILMS FROM GOLDEN/RAMAYAN ERA OF BOLLYWOOD (1948-63) !
1. Maya Machhindra (60)
2. Sangdil (52)
3. Uran Khatola (55)
4. Sahib Biwi Aur Ghulam (62)
5. Pyaasa (57)
6. Samrat Prithviraj Chauhan (59)
7. Godaan (63)
8. Mughal-e-Azam (60)
9. Navrang (59)
10. Anari (59)
11. Tere Ghar Ke Saamne (63)
12. Sautela Bhai (62)
13. Heera Moti (59)
14. Devdas (55)
15. Tarana (51)
16. Naya Daur (57)
17. Jaagte Raho (56)
18. Kanoon (60)
19. Do Aankhen Barah Haath (57)
20. Hatim Tai (56)
21. Bhabhi Ki Chudiyan (61)
22. Jis Desh Mein Ganga Behti Hai (60)
23. Jogan (50)
24. Aan (52)
25. Jeevan Jyoti (53)
26. Shikast (53)
27. Arzoo (50)
28. Char Diwari (61)
29. Sant Janabai (49)
30. Asli Naqli (62)
31. Munimji (55)
32. Nau Do Gyarah (57)
33. Maya (61)
34. Pocketmaar (56)
35. Daag (52)
36. Ganga Jumna (61)
37. Yahudi (58)
38. Paighaam (58)
39. Musafir (51)
40. Amar (54)
41. Gopinath (48)
42. Hulchul (51)
43. Deedar (51)
44. Har Har Mahadev (50)
45. Shiv Parvati (62)
46. Waman Avtar (55)
47. Ram Bhakt Hanuman (48)
48. Jai Mahadev (56)
49. Raja Harishchandra (52)
50. Ganga Maiya (55)
51. Bhabhi (57)
52. Howrah Bridge(58)
53. Sati Ansuya (56)
54. Baiju Bawra (52)
55. Heera Moti (59)
56. Dil Ek Mandir (56)
57. Batwara (61)
58. Aarti (62)
59. Sangeet Samrat Tansen (62)
60. Biraj Bahu (54)
61. Subah Ka Tara (54)
62. Taj Mahal (63)
63. Shabab (54)
64. Maa Ke Aansoo (62)
65. Kabuliwala (61)
66. Hum Dono (61)
67. Awara (51)
68. Yatrik (52)
69. Ashiana (52)
70. Solva Saal (58)
71. Anarkali (53)
72. Basant Bahar (56)
73. Chakradhari (54)
74. Baraat (60)
75. Do Beegha Zameen (53)
76. Ujala (59)
77. Garm Coat (55)
78. Bambai Ka Babu (60)
79. Ye Rastey Hain Pyaar Ke (63)
80. Shole (53)
81. Chaudhvin Ka Chand (60)
82. Laila Majnu (53)
83. Barsaat (49)
84. Aah (53)
85. Jhansi Ki Rani (53)
86. Bazaar (49)
87. Aah (53)
88. CID (56)
89. Shri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu (54)
90. Shaheed (48)
91. Aakhri Dao (58)
92. Daaera (53)
93. Bandhan (56)
94. Ladki (53)
95. Ziddi (48)
96. Bezubaan (62)
97. Sanjog (61)
98. Dil Hi Toh Hai (63)
99. Phagun (58)
100. Madhumati (58)
101. Ghunghat (60)
102. Professor (62)
103. Parakh (60)
104. Milap (55)
105. Mai Baap (56)
106. Nagin (54)
107. Funtoosh (56)
108. Gateway Of India (57)
109. Dil Apna aur Preet Parai (60)
110. Abhimaan (57)
111. Mere Mehboob (63)
112. Love in Simla (60)
113. Barsaat Ki Raat (60)
114. Dharmputra (61)
115. Aar Paar (54)
116. New Delhi (56)
117. Dillagi (49)
118. Samadhi (56)
119. Senapati (61)
120. Junglee (61)
121. Panchayat (58)
122. Nau Bahar (56)
123. Veer Ghatotkacha (49)
124. Hamlet (54)
125. Dekh Kabira Roya (57)
126. Santan (59)
127. Gehra Daag (63)
128. Lal Batti (57)
129. Raj Tilak (58)
130. Kala Pani (58)
131. Babul (50)
132. Taxi Driver (54)
133. Manzil (58)
134. Dr. Vidya (62)
135. Begaana (63)
136. Kanch Ki Gudiya (61)
137. Footpath (53)
138. Ali Baba Aur 40 Chor (54)
139. Faulad (63)
140. Raj Hat (56)
141. Satta Bazaar(59)
142. Ek Shola (56)
143. Mirza Ghalib (54)
144. Sohni Mahiwal (58)
145. Kaagaz Ke Phool (59)
146. Mr. Sampat (52)
147. Sahara (58)
148. Bade Sarkar (57)
149. Naukri (54)
150. Chhaya (61)
151. Hariyali Aur Rasta (62)
152. Main Chup Rahungi (62)
153. Nadiya Ke Paar (48)
154. Halaku (56)
155. Bahurani (63)
156. Andaz (49)
157. Ek Gaon Ki Kahani (57)
158. Actress (48)
159. Ghar Sansar (58)
160. Sasural (61)
161. Gharana (61)
162. Balam (49)
163. Harishchandra Taramati (63)
164. Krishna Sudama (57)
165. Radha Krishna (54)
166. Prabhu Ku Maya (55)
167. Bahut Din Huwe (54)
168. Tulsidas (54)
169. Shree 420 (55)
170. Zimbo (58)
171. Bhagwat Mahima (55)
172. Bandini (63)
173. Nartaki (63)
174. Ek Musafir Ek Hasina (62)
175. Shatranj (56)
176. Waris (54)
177. Parineeta (53)
178. Do Gunde (59)
179. Deep Jalta Rahe (59)
180. Madhosh (51)
181. Champakali (57)
182. Sunehre Din (49)
183. Do Behnen (59)
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187. Gumrah (63)
188. Sitaron Se Aage (58)
189. Magroor (50)
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377. 26 January / Bharati (56)
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380. Khazanchi (58)
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409. 11 O’ clock (48)
410. Buzdil (51)
411. Dulari (49)
412. Meenar (54)
413. Masoom ( 60)
414. Maya Bazar (58)
415. Mr & Mrs 55 (55)
416. Singapore (60)
417. Sheesh Mahal (50)
418. Masoom (60)
419. Heer (56)
420. Paapi (55)
421. Rakhi (62)
422. Rustom Sohrab (63)
423. Maa Baap (50)
424. Raagini (58)
425. Shabnam (48)
426. Beqasoor (50)
427. Jhumroo (61)
428. Meri Surat Teri Aankhen (63)
429. Patanga (49)
430. Badi Bahen (50)
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432. Janampatri (49)
433. Babar (60)
434. Badi Maa (48)
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436. Miss Mary (57)
437. Shrimatiji (52)
438. Jadoo (51)
439. Payal (57)
440. Ek Hi Raasta (56)
441. Akeli Mat Jaiyo (63)
442. Pyar Ka Sagar (61)
443. Bandish (57)
444. Miss Mala (54)
445. Marine Drive (55)
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447. School Master (59)
448. 10 O’Clock (58)
449. Afsar (50)
450. Jaali Note (60)
451. Patita (55)
452. Bindya (60)
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454. Ek Ke Baad Ek (60)
455. Tumsa Nahi Dekha (57)
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457. Shirin Farhad (56)
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460. Paristaan (49)
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462. Krorepati (61)
463. Jhoola (62)
464. Bazooband (54)
465. Rani Rupmati (59)
466. Hum Bhi Insaan Hain (48)
467. Jailor (58)
468. Bus Conductor (59)
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470. Pardes (50)
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472. Chalis Baba Ek Chor (53)
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475. Musafirkhana (55)
476. Agra Road (57)
477. Kathputli (57)
478. Naujawan (51)
479. Ustaadon Ke Ustaad (59)
480. Lajwanti (58)
481. Kal Hamara Hai (59)
482. Baap Re Baap (55)
483. Ghar Ki Laaj (60)
484. Aurat (55)
485. Poonam (52)
486. Shararat (59)
487. Boyfriend (61)
488. Railway Platform (55)
489. Chori Chori 56)
490. Ek Jhalak (57)
491. Badal (51)
492. Anpadh (62)
493. Aaram (51)
494. Chaar Paise (55 )
495. Rakhi (49)
496. Mayurpankh (54)
497. Naache Naagin Baaje Been (60)
498. Amar Prem (48)
499. Passport (61)
500. Mujhe Jeene Do (63)
501. Baap Beti (54)
502. Chandralekha (48)
503. Ek Do Teen (53)
#bollywood#old bollywood#can you tell raj kapoor classics leave me unmoved#I tried liking them but a lot of them resolve around terrible internal turmoil for the hero which could be solved with communication#and it's hard to be patient with that for me
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Prompt Masterlist
Thanks so much to everyone who submitted prompts! We have so many and I hope that one (or more) of them inspire you! Below the cut is a masterlist of all of the prompts from the form/google list. They are separated by AU and Non-AU. The two prompts pertaining to AO3 warning topics are posted separately.
Non-AU Prompts
1. Geno ends up leaving to play in the Olympics, but Sid does the good boy Canadian thing and stays and then Russia wins and Canada not only loses but loses badly and media starts blaming Sid and Geno doesn't know how to make it better
2. Future fic: Sid and Geno had some false starts, could never really get their shit together -- maybe Sid wasn't ready to get married or have kids, maybe Geno really couldn't reconcile living as an out gay man and be committed to his country. Geno retires before Sid, goes back to Russia to raise his family, and try to forget that Sid might have been the love of his life, that he chose country over seeing what could have been. Sid either retires or, for maximum angst, suffers a career-ending injury (not a concussion, maybe, that's even too much for me!), and goes back to Halifax where he continues with his hockey school, get his history degree, billets some kids in the Q, and tries to be okay with being alone. Geno and Anna get divorced but are still close; Sid tries to date some but just can't make a connection. When Nikita is 16, he's drafted to the Halifax Mooseheads of the QMJHL, and Sid volunteers to billet him. He calls Geno to make sure it's okay, it's the first time they've talked in literally years, and it's awkward and terrible and neither one of them know what to say or want to hang up. Nikita says yes and he comes to live with Sid. Cue Sid and Geno dancing around each other from afar, Sid having to see the evidence LIVING IN HIS HOUSE that he couldn't give Geno the thing he wanted, which was a marriage and a good Russian son, and Geno having to get regular updates on the alternate timeline he told himself he didn't think about anymore, Sid and his son under the same roof, puttering around the house and skating on the pond in Sid's backyard, Sid speaking his terrible, flat Russian. Geno comes to visit, uhhhh, I don't know, more emotional shit happens, lots of hurt feelings and UST and then they finally work their shit out and Geno moves back to America and in with Sid and they give it a go and are happy and content but because this is an angst fest the last twist of the knife is that Nikita gets drafted to the Flyers and Sidney is devastated and Geno laughs in his face for five days the end.
3. Sid and Geno as fuckbuddies who are both super emotionally invested and probably in love with each other but both assume the other is just in it for the sex. They break up about 80 times and keep falling back into bed together, each one promising himself THIS TIME would be the last time. They're making themselves miserable along with everyone else who can very clearly see the issue but neither of them can. Lots of sex followed by emotional turmoil rinse repeat
4. I want a good old fashioned Canadian shack fic with a snowed-in plot twist. Maybe during bye week (I think the 2014/15 season would be a good brewing ground for this kind of plot) Sid and Geno rent a cabin somewhere in the Canadian wilderness to decide once and for all where to take their on-again/off-again love affair that spans nearly a decade by now. (Could also be that they've been tip-toeing around their attraction to each other for a decade, unsure whether or not to ever do anything about it.) It's probably not the best time for it. The season isn't going well. They're both worn and exhausted, maybe battling injuries, and predictably they have a fight not long after arriving that ends with Geno (could be Sid) taking off in the middle of a snowstorm. Whoever is left behind has some regrets about what was said when the wind and snow picks up and they're beside themselves, worrying about the one who left. Eventually whoever left comes back, maybe in the car, maybe by foot, and they end up snowed-in together in their Canadian shack. (They're millionaires, it's probably not actually a shack.) Ideally, they resolve their problems (or at least start to work on them) and decide to live happily ever after but I'll leave that up to the writer.
5. Geno's contract is up and Sid doesn't know if he's going to re-sign or go somewhere else (can be future fic or when his bridge contract ended in 13-14)
6. Sid has a big gay crush on Geno and is Not handling it well.
7. Something about Olympics and the political tension.
8. I'd love to see a fic that explores the dynamic of Geno being so emotionally romantic and occasionally dramatic (seriously, he rented an actual tiger for Anna's birthday) and Sid being so stoic and intensely private about his love life. Their differences in personality seems like a great brewing ground for romantic misunderstandings. 9. Ideally features Sid making a grand romantic gesture of some kind.
10. post-loss h/c
11. This isn't really a prompt but PINING. I want all the pining. One of them or both being absolutely convinced there's no way the other could ever love them back. Could be any kind of setting. Fuck buddies. Arranged marriage. Fake dating. Best Friends. ABO.
12. Tournament angst. Olympics for max angst, Worlds for a notch down. Sid and Geno very tentatively start fooling around shortly before said tournament, and Canada’s victory throws a wrench in the emotional works. Lots of sneaking around and feelings.
13. Breakup fic. Geno was ready for kids, and Sid wasn't. Now, Geno's with Anna, she's moved to Pittsburgh, they're both glowing, and Sid's at a low point in his career and is filled with grief and regret. He asks Geno for a second chance, and Geno tells him Anna's pregnant and it's too late. Make me cry.
14. "There have been a lot of changes to the team this summer and the Pens core is never going to be the same and gosh, we're thirty and I'm afraid our best days are behind us" Sid/Geno style. Semi-realist angst. Bonus (but unnecessary) "you're the only constant in a sea of change" type resolution.
15. Lockout separation!! G going back to Russia, and Sid staying in Pittsburgh to mediate, long distance relationship angst!
16. Retirement, "we went our separate ways without telling each other how we feel"--type stuff
17. “I thought things were going great.”
18. Better late than never
19. Sid visits Geno in Russia for the first time since they started getting together, and Geno's awkward about it because internalized homophobia and also Russia's homophobia, and it strains their relationship.
20. in the midst of a great season (and great for him personally), sid vanishes. after the season is done, geno receives his call, and goes to find out what happened.
21. cheating. Just--cheating.
22. One thinks the other is cheating/one thinks the other wants to break up, so they decide to bite the bullet and break up first. authors choice whether or not the communication happens during the break up or days/weeks/months/YEARS after.
23. amnesia fic!
24. Sid overhears a phone call and mistakenly thinks Geno is moving back to Russia/KHL/whatever you want. So he starts to pull away and be cold and distant and this upsets Geno a LOT. And Sid obviously. And generally everyone is sad... until it gets sorted after the team throws him a going away party and then afterwards everyone is happy and S/G fall in love. (I'm thinking they weren't together at first but honestly if anyone wants to write this... they could maybe be a couple. Makes it more angsty!)
25. Geno wants to come out. Sid doesn't.
26. a story about outing, and maybe with some time travel?
27. Pet death.... :( hurt/comfort. Maybe later on, adopting something small and fluffy together.
28. Russia recalls its players, forcing them to choose between leaving the NHL or giving up Russian citizenship.
29. Post-retirement, they meet again at the Olympics, Sid coaching team Canada and Geno on team Russia's staff. They haven't spoken in almost a decade.
30. Unrequited? Sid has a girlfriend that he's talking about marriage with. Seems like it's time for Geno to move on.
31. They've been fuck buddies for a while now, but Sid can't take it any more. Geno makes one joke too many about his booty call and Sid calls it all off.
32. Where they've been broken up for a while and maybe one of them has juuuust started to move on and then they start spending a bunch of time together again for reasons and see all those things in each other that they loved and miss. Just so much sadness and bittersweetness and nostalgia. Doesn't have to end up with them back together necessarily.
33. something to do with Sid having anxiety? I feel like a lot of his rituals and stuff could really be seen as coping mechanisms, and it's be interesting to see if maybe that impacts his relationship with Geno, or if Sid's afraid of it impacting his relationship with Geno.
34. One of them confesses feelings for the other. The feelings aren't mutual.
35. You know that pic from worlds 2015, where Sid is sitting in the locker room and looking (really beautiful and) like he's holding back tears? What is an angstfest-appropriate backstory to that? Is it maybe linked to Sid's not-so-stellar start to the 2015-2016 season too? (Initially I thought about this from Sid's POV, but Geno's could also work really well!) [NOTE FROM MOD: https://sidsass.tumblr.com/post/163755745701]
36. G gets engaged. Sid goes off the deep end.
37. Citing his wish to avoid permanent damage following repeat concussions, Sid "quietly" retires at the beginning of the '17-'18 season on the condition that G gets the C. The reality is that his exhausted from harboring his unrequited feelings AND from G not getting the recognition he deserves. He officially passes the baton but otherwise avoids seeing or talking to Geno and gradually disappears. Years down the line, G finds out the truth.
38. Sid starts exhibiting psychological/behavioral symptoms of post-concussion syndrome. This puts a strain on his and Geno's relationship.
39. Forced outing (of either of them or both) leads to homophobia from both fans and teammates and potentially disastrous consequences
40. One of them wakes up in 2012 again
41. Sid and Geno are fuck-buddies until one of them is outed. The other has to choose - come out or don't come out. And figure out their feelings about each other (can they weather this storm or is this the end of their friendship too?)
42. Geno is forced to go back to Russia for Secret Angsty Reasons. He tries to keep in contact with the team, but eventually they grow further apart until the only contact they have is through social media. Fast forward 10 years, Sid is retired and goes on holiday to [place], where he finds Geno, and Secret Angsty Reasons become not-so-secret.
43. One of them is injured in a potentially career-ending way
44. One of them is outed by a teammate
45. Internalised homophobia
46. Fake relationship where one of them is in love but the other isn't
47. Sid finally makes it to Russia with Geno...for Geno's wedding ceremony.
48. Sid gets a concussion and seems like he's recovering well...except he doesn't remember his relationship with Geno. They had just gotten together, everything still really new, and they hadn't told anyone because Sid insisted they wait until after the season. So Geno has no one to turn to, has to act like everything is fine, even though his heart is breaking because Sid is treating him like nothing more than a friend. More angst potential: Sid dates around! Someone on the team definitely had figured it out and now Geno's wishing for when he was dealing with it alone because the pity is even worse! Geno slowly realizing that maybe Sid did this to himself because he didn't want to ever come out and his brain took the opportunity to erase their relationship before he was in too deep! Just put Geno through absolute emotional hell.
49. Destined to kill each other and there is no love will redeem the other option here.
50. The fallout of their divorce. What now?
51. sid learning how to be less than perfect
52. set before and during the 2023-24 season. sid and geno aren't together but both are privately thinking they should finally make a move. then over the summer geno (who signed a contract the year before that ends at the same point as sid's, so they can retire together) is traded to a team the pens only play once or twice a year because the pens have salary cap/roster problems (I know he has a no movement clause, let's say they didn't put it in the new one for some reason). cue a LOT of pining and separation-induced sadness. angst and stress. pretending not to be as cut up about it as they are. etc etc. maybe they have an emotional/dramatic reunion on ice, maybe one of them is injured and the other is horrified but can't do anything, maybe both... basically how sad can you make pining while still making a happy ending, or at least a hopeful ending
53. Everyone always says how good Geno is at not being bothered by Sid getting all the accolades. How chill he is. How content to be out of the spotlight. How secure. That's... really not how he feels, and there's a point where it gets to be too much.
54. They do the coming out thing so they can be together properly, after keeping it secret from pretty much everyone for years, and the irony is that *this* is the thing that finally fucks up their relationship.
55. Geno never returns from his summer in Russia. Everyone becomes frantic looking for him but he’s not found. It remains a mystery and life goes on. Time passes, Sid still plays and the team still wins games but even after the grief has subsided, there is an ache deep in his chest that won’t go away. Sid *misses* Geno, doesn’t think he’ll stop missing him, doesn’t really understand why he hurts this bad. One day, Geno returns [insert random hockey magic here], Sid is an emotional mess dealing with it.
56. Hotels as liminal spaces. Sid's been hooking up with Geno in hotels in various cities where they play. But it doesn't feel real, so it's not real...right?
57. Reunion fic after a bad breakup (that was due to legit conflict that was both people's faults).
58. Dubcon ritual sex for the good of the team. Maybe Sid and Geno weren't together before this?
59. Professional hockey is indentured servitude, basically slavery. Sexual relationships between teammates aren't allowed, but that doesn't always stop them from happening. At first Sid and Geno are just finding relief in each other from all the pressure, but it turns into more.
60. Unrequited love, written from the POV of the one not pining.
61. AU-canon divergence: Sid put love and dating on hold to focus on hockey. He meets a cute guy while out to team dinner. They get dessert. Geno gets a little jealous.
62. Geno had asked Sid to wait for him to be ready. Not while he was so new to the team, he said. Not while the team was so unstable. Not while they were on the brink of a Cup win. And then he met Anna, and things happened. Geno moved to Russia when he retired, and he and Sid only saw each other at the draft, the World Cup, and now, the Olympics.
63. During the lockout, Sid followed Geno to the KHL. He hadn't thought having to hide their relationship would be so hard.
64. Ovie invites Sid to his wedding. Sid goes stag. Geno pines from afar.
65. canon divergence: the concussion specialists told Sid he'd need at least a year to recover. He goes home to Cole Harbour. The team struggles without him.
66. As much as I love homophobia free!NHL or a NHL with minimal homophobia, the reality is probably a lot less sunny. So, both Sid and Geno aren't out (except maybe to close friends), they're both very careful, and they know to never, ever get caught. Except, after the SCF, they're high on their win and get drunk and kiss each other, and somehow there are photos and somehow the photos are leaked. A shitstorm ensues.
67. one of them is battling an addiction to painkillers as a side effect of so many chronic injuries, and it's affecting both hockey and relationship.
68. Sidney and Geno are happily married and looking to start a family. They decide to foster a little boy (or girl, whichever) they meet at the little penguins hockey program (he's like seven or so) after finding out that his foster family is physically and emotionally abusing him. They do their best to try and help him, but things get overwhelming when trying to balance their careers and raising a child who has faced so much psychological trauma already. Then things get worse when the child's father is released from jail and fights Sid and Geno for custody of his kid. ((preferably nothing super explicit trauma wise, but i would like for there to be heavy emotional moments because the kid has been through so much and is a little intimidated by two very big and very strong pro hockey players. and sidney and geno love kids and don't want to fail this sweet child that is under their care. and i would like for the ending to be happy if the author is ok with it.))
69. sid and geno are in a friends with benefit situation where geno thinks theyre dating but sid just thinks theyre friends with benefits
70. Sidney gets another concussion, but it knocks him out cold on the ice, and he wakes up blind and with amnesia. Geno is shattered because hasn't Sidney been through enough? Geno offers to take care of him, but their relationship is so rocky now, and he was ready to propose to Sid when he got his concussion. Preferably a happy ending, but whatever floats the author's boat is fine with me.
71. Around the time Sid and Geno retire, Geno divorces his wife. He and Sid finally get together after all these years, but haven't really told anyone yet - in particular, not Geno's near-grow kids, because the relationship is new and Geno doesn't know how they'll take it. And then Geno gets pregnant.
72. Sid really IS a baby-snatcher/kidnapper, and Geno finds out. Ideas may include how Sid came to be like this, how he did it, how often (was it just once, multiple times), did he get caught by people other than Geno, what were the consequences (is Geno okay/not okay with this, does Sid do something to protect "his" child, does law enforcement get involved, etc.). Also for consideration: what about the child's/children's perspective(s)?
73. Sid and Geno have been fuckbuddies for over a year, except Geno thinks that they are in a relationship. Geno has spent the last month planning the perfect proposal only to find out on the big day that Sid is dating someone and wants to end their arrangement. Maybe Sid realizes his mistake and fixes it or maybe it's just too late for Sid and Geno.
74. "Hey, G, this is Chris", Sid says, and the man whose back Sid's palm is resting on reaches out for a handshake. He's almost Geno's height, with sandy hair, blue eyes and a warm smile. Geno's stomach does something it's never done before. He doesn't want to shake this guy's hand; he wants to tackle him to the ground and punch his lights out. Or: Geno, has a Revelation about his feelings for his captain. (G's relationship status can be anywhere from single to married with children depending on the level of angst/conflict/potential resolution)
75. Sid loves wearing makeup and girl's clothing/dresses. However he's scared of telling Geno, afraid that he might call him a freak or break up with him. When he does eventually tell him, Geno tries to be supportive but feels a little off about it. However during one particular game during the Flyers, Giroux or Simmonds says something incredibly offensive about Sid and it makes him feel extreme insecure about himself. After the game he's completely shut down and won't talk to anybody and actually starts throwing away his feminine clothing and makeup. Would Geno be able to push away his own feelings about it and tell his boyfriend he's beautiful no matter what, or would he just let Sid to whatever he wants and not let himself be who he is?
76. Sid and Geno have sex once when they're both really young and Sid isn't being dramatic when he says it's the best sex of his life. He figures the feeling was mutual and that at the very least him and Geno could continue to hook up. But afterwards Geno avoids him Anne is super distant and when Sid finally tries to talk to him Geno says "was bad sex don't want to think about it. Nothing else to say" and Sid is kind of devastated because that means HE Was so terrible in bed that Geno feels awkward about it. Cut to years later when it drunkenly happens again and Sid has been practicing for years to make sure he's perfect for Geno. Geno brushes it off again and Sid is like, no no no I know I'm good in bed why do you keep lying. And then Geno confesses that he wasn't ready to be in a mlm relationship when they first had sex and he's still unsure but he loves Sid and doesn't know what to do. Cut to feelings and getting together
77. One of them - let's face it probably Geno - does the grand public romantic gesture thing to woo Sid and, because RL appropriate behaviour is different from the stalker-level shit that gets romanticised by pop-culture, Sid is actually kind of unnerved and pressured and maybe even a little humiliated by how public it was and pretty unhappy about it. Basically they are in different genres, e.g. Geno is in a hollywood romcom and Sid is in an indie drama or psychological thriller :p ;).
78. Sid and Geno make a sex tape that ends up getting leaked. It doesn't show their faces and people don't really know it's them but the shock is enough to send Sid into a spiral of fear that people know that he's gay and that gen bottoms and basiclly internalized homophobia. G tries to comfort him but sid lashes out and they break up. Yadda yadda yadda hurt comfort no more sex tapes
79. Sid has to retire from hockey because of an injury and geno comforts him when he's crying about it. Super angsty and fluffy
80. Sid and Geno have a friends with benefits situation, but Sid, who was in love with Geno for a long time before they started hooking up, thinks they're getting serious. He doesn't know it but Geno is seeing Anna at this time, so when Geno mentions the 'person he's dating' to the team he's talking about her but Sid thinks he means him. He overhears Geno talking to someone like "do you think I should propose?" and gets very excited — until Geno introduces Anna to the team as his fiancee. He thinks he's been dumped but then Geno still approaches him for sex and Sid doesn't know how to say no. So Sid has an internal crisis because he's helping Geno cheat (if you want it can be revealed that Geno and Anna had an open relationship and Geno's just very bad at communicating that to Sid). But a part of him also wants Anna to find out, because then maybe she would break it off with Geno…
81. One of them was previously in an abusive relationship with another man, which the other doesn't know about because they were closeted at that time. They get triggered by something seemingly innocuous the other does, leading to explanations & hurt/comfort.
82. Anything following Sid's POV as Geno gets married and has kids.
83. Pining where they don't say anything because they both think the other is straight, and then a different guy on the team comes out (just to the room or publicly — your choice) and one of them winds up having sex with him, which the team finds out about. (Thin hotel walls?) So the other now knows he's not straight, but thinks he's in a relationship with the third person.
84. You don't stop loving something just because it's hard, Sid said. Well - what happens when it doesn't love you back?
85. One of the reason's Geno has been able to - sooner or later - shrug off those international losses and refocus, while playing on the same team as the avatar of Canada's success over Russia, has been his unshakeable belief always in next time, next time. With NHL players now firmly closed out of the Olympics, and Geno on the other side of 30, he's looking at that "next time" quite possibly being "never", and it's a hell of a hard hit.
86. Geno didn't actually want to leave Metallurg for the NHL; the bribe is Sid, in some kind of arranged-marriage/bond/etc situation. Perhaps Geno doesn't - ever? - know Sid's only in it out of obligation/responsibility.
87. Geno gets mugged, and it rocks his identity/self-image.
88. It turns out that while Sid's a good friend and a great captain, he's a terrible boyfriend. Geno worked so hard to get them here, and now he doesn't know what to do.
89. Their problems in the bedroom aren't staying there.
90. Pictures of Geno kissing a man in a gay bar are leaked somehow. It goes badly with both Russia and the Pens.
91. You know how there are the fics where one person has this kink they're all ashamed of, and then the other person helps them feel okay about it? I love those, a lot, but what if the reveal just didn't go well at ALL? Like, daddy-kink slips out and the reaction is flat-out shock, or they like a little feminisation or lacy knickers and their partner is just uncomfortable and embarrassed about it?
92. Insomnia as a concussion side-effect; they're hardly sharing a bed any more because of the restlessness.
93. One of them is having a hard time getting/keeping it up, or has a much-diminished sex drive (could even be set a few years in the future so it's an aging thing) and they have to figure out how important regular good sex is to the relationship. Maybe one of them decides it's not gonna work anymore.
94. Sid becomes paralyzed from the waist down in a bat hit gone wrong (the hit can be from the Flyers, Capitals, or whoever you want) and it shatters Sid completely, thinking he's never going to play hockey ever again. He starts to become severly depressed and starts lashing out at everybody, especially Geno, who's trying his hardest to be there for Sid. Both of them start to slowly become distant and they separate for a while, but Sid's depression gets worse and Geno is incredibly worried that Sid might do something to himself so he comes back. Cue to support from the Pens/NHL, angst and fluff, Sid and Geno getting back together and (hopefully?) Sid being able to start playing hockey again.
95. Sid and Geno are drafted by different teams (one is still a Penguin though, obviously). They first meet at World Juniors and realize they are "hockey perfect" late one night when they can't sleep and find each other practicing on the ice. Sid jokes that maybe they'll be together in the NHL but the draft doesn't work out. Geno comes over the same time as real life, and they meet again at the ASG in 2007 (get together then too). But it's Actually Serious that they're together. It's totally forbidden and both teammates/orgs/their families would be outraged. It's basically jeopardizing their careers bc they compete against each other, and it's Not Cool. Basically, Sid feels a ton of pressure to be the best, and Geno brings out his best on and off ice, but they can't be together. Obviously they sneak around when their teams meet and it's pretty reckless, but they are overwhelmed by each other. I just want forbidden love and Sid feeling pretty isolated/under a lot of pressure. Also, the Olympics is pretty much the best time of their lives, and there's a lot of sex bc of course.
96. they lose a child (can be their only child or not)
97. sid's pov with supercut by lorde (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yL0MtGXNFIk) as the jumping off point - maybe it's during their relationship, maybe it's after. up to you if they get a happy ending or not (and if that happy ending includes them together or not)
98. Person X is invited into Sid and Geno's recently-opened relationship, possibly with a view to them being more involved with one than the other. They're maybe younger, a little naive, but definitely super into the whole concept. Until they realise that actually, Geno and Sid are not the good stable relationship they thought, that they're kind of a hot mess, and that they're in danger of being turned into someone's emotional escape route.
99. Geno never left Russia, Sid comes over after the Pens fail to win a cup
100. Sid/Geno accidentally get outed
101. Sid is asexual (but not aromantic). He's in a relationship with Geno and Geno finds out after they've had copious amounts of sex. He's pissed Sid hadn't told him. Sid tries to explain that he doesn't particularly like sex but he doesn't mind doing it. Geno is not in any way mollified. Sid tells Geno he can sleep with other people if he wants to. Up to you where it goes from there.
102. After years of dancing around each other, they finally get together and it turns out they're sexually incompatible. One wants to compromise, the other doesn't see any viable option other than going their separate ways.
103. They get together. It doesn't work out. Now they have to work together every day and be on a team together and do promotions together and try not to leak feelings all over everyone in the immediate area. Spoiler: they do and it's ugly.
104. AU where something happens that leads to one of them getting traded
105. Post breakup fic- maybe they get back together? Maybe they just have sex and then realize it still can't work
AU Prompts
1. Sid and Taylor are orphans, they live with Mario after Sid was drafted. Cue Geno and his family trying to be a surrogate family to Sid & Taylor
2. One is a hockey star, the other is a reporter. The reporter spends a lot of time digging around, getting little details of the hockey star, writing a massive indepth story along the way and ends up falling a little bit in love. The hockey star resents the reporters invasion into his life and definitely does not feel the same.
3. AU where Sid and Ovechkin are royalty and betrothed in a purely political marriage, and while they are friend they’re not romantically interested in each other, and both alphas so no progeny will come from their union. As part of the arrangement, as their countries need an alliance, they’re gifted with an omega - Evgeni Malkin. Noble enough to be socialized as a gentlemen, but not high ranking enough to marry a prince himself, and as he’s Russian it’s determined that Sid should be the other father, to mix the bloodlines properly. However, at first Sid didn’t want a concubine, was fine in his loveless marriage with Ovechkin, at least until he saw Geno. So there is MAJOR MISCOMMUNICATION, where Geno thinks Sid is just doing this out of duty and not love and Sid thinks Geno doesn’t like him, even hates him.Geno goes into his first heat and is worried because the contraceptives he is secretly taking don’t work during heat and Sid can tell something is up so he doesn’t knot Geno and as a result Geno thinks he isn’t even worthy of Sid’s knot and MORE miscommunication and angst. And then there’s gossip about Geno’s lack of fertility, and oh no is it Sid? Which Geno can’t stand for, so he decides that he’ll get pregnant even though it’ll mean Sid never touches him again. And eventually he gets pregnant and then more stuff happens and then happy ending.(Feel free to change this and make it your own, obviously)
4. Age difference AU. Preferably with Geno being older and Sid being younger.
5. Apocalypse wow! When the world ends Sid is in Canada and Geno is in Russia but Sid isn't going to go out before he does the thing he's been psyching himself up to do for literally years, so he packs a bag and decides he's going to walk to Geno if he has to. I don't know what kind of apocalypse it is, maybe it's a super virus or a zombie kind. Either way, it's terrifying and sad and we follow Sid as he realizes not only might he never make it, but he might die alone and/or horribly, but also most of his friends are already dead, and he has way too much time to reflect on his life and what he did and didn't get to do. Bonus if it's open-ended, him trudging through snow, at the end of the road in Moscow, half-dead on his feet, gets to Geno's apartment, lifts a hand to knock, but we don't get to see the door open. We never see him die, either, but we can't know WE JUST CAN'T KNOW. (The emotional resolution is that he's come to terms with himself, just to be ultra lit-class about it)
6. Noir sidgeno au where sid is a hard boiled detective and geno is the femme fatale
7. Cold war spies.
8. A becomes a vampire and B has to console them because all A ever wanted was to have their own kids, but now that has all be ripped away from them, so B stays with them and holds them in their arms as A cries
9. period/fantasy au - sidney is royalty, and geno is not (or vice versa!)... after years of slowly falling in love with the castle's stablehand (aka geno), sidney's parents force him into a political/arranged marriage. sidney and geno still see each other, but when they are caught, because of laws or anything else hand-wavy, geno is meant to be executed.
10. One of them is haunted by the ghost of the other. Ending options: the ghost passes on after they resolve whatever it is they stayed around for, or they other figures out how to bring him back (cup magic could be useful here!)
11. Romeo and Juliet au - I guess it could be a flyers au, but I'd love to see a historical setting.
12. a bowerbird au where Sid collects all his trophies to seduce people with them. he doesn't actually care about winning just seduction. winning just happens to be the easiest way to seduce people, so he works it. Sid doesn't have time for losers, only winners, but his obsession with winners comes back to bite him. he's so focused on winning/seduction, that he doesn't realize it's destroying his relationships with those around him.
13. Sid and Geno are both omegas. They're only playing in the NHL because they're as good as they are. Falling in love with each other is a complication they don't need and also against all social mores.
14. Sid is an alpha and Geno is an omega. They both want each other, but Geno is already under intense scrutiny as the only omega (or one of the only omegas, if you'd prefer) in the NHL, and he doesn't want to get involved with an alpha. Angst ensues.
15. A wishbaby AU where wishbabies come from the Faerie realm, and you can only keep them for seven years. After the seven years are up, the child goes back to Faerie. But this is Sid and Geno, so they go into Faerie to find their child. They're successful, but it's the Faerie realm, and a price has to be paid. One of them has to stay behind for seven years to pay the debt. Twist: time moves differently in Faerie, and when the seven years are up, he comes home to find out that in the human world, seven times seven years have passed. Extra twist: once you've spent significant time in Faerie, you don't age the same way you normally would.
16. Either Sid or Geno wakes up as a girl one morning. This is a very unpleasant experience.
17. Sid and Geno have sex, and Geno gets pregnant. Geno is in love with Sid; Sid likes Geno but isn't in love with him. Geno wants to get rid of the baby (or adopt it out), but Sid wants to keep it, because he's always wanted kids, and even if he isn't in love with Geno, he's still going to be a father. (Sid falls for Geno too, eventually.)
18. Star Wars AU where Sid is a Senator and Geno is a Jedi around the fall of the Republic.
19. The one where their kid's swapped for a changeling
20. Time-travel trope, feel free to reverse the parties: a younger version of e.g. Geno shows up, and there is infidelity with older Sid. Older Geno does not take it well. Which maybe finally explains to Sid why, sometimes, Geno has seemed to get angry at Sid for no apparent reason, because he absolutely remembers this happening, and resents himself for not thinking it was a problem (because they're together in the future, right? so young, so stupid) and Sid for cheating on him, and himself for staying when he knows this is going to happen. Does he hope it won't? Does he just love Sid too much to not take every moment he can? Maybe they fix it with threesomes. Maybe they do not fix it.
21. One of them's infertile, and nothing available in the fertility industry does a damn thing to fix it.
22. Look, Cup magic isn't all it's cracked up to be, okay. Things can get... unpredictable. Unpleasant. Sid and Geno get off scott free the first two Cups, but it turns out all that wild magic was just biding its time until they won their third.
23. Geno grew up being bullied for being a werebear, and it's made him a defensive asshole about that part of his identity - very Do not Handle, Do not Touch. It takes him a long time to let Sid in.
24. girlSid didn't really have body issues (it was just a body, what mattered was what it could do) until Geno started dating Anna
25. Accidental pregnancy; whoever is pregnant eventually gets an abortion.
26. lady with the pet dog au! geno and sidney are both married and meet while away on vacation without their spouses. what begins is a passionate affair that starts as sex and infatuation but ends with a deeply rooted love. they both return to their homes only to find that they both live in the same city and must brave facing each other in their social circles without exposing their affair. bonus points if it's a period piece and if Geno feels the same guilt Dmitri felt at the end of the story.
27. GOT-esque AU. Geno is a bear-lord from the Kontinental kingdom of Drachma & Sid is a powerful mage from the North eastern part of Drachma, as well as Geno's most trusted advisor since they were teenagers. Geno became infertile (male speaking) after a witch cursed him for trying to bring both a dead child back to life using blood magic. He was severly devastated and has nightmares about deformed, monster-like children in place of the innocent ones he'll never have. He also takes his frustrations out on Sid, cruelly saying slurs about mages/witches whenever he tries to talk to him. Sid is hurt by these comments, but takes them in stride, knowing Geno is just upset. Years later, when they are in a relationship, they try for children and no infertility spells work, until Sid reveals that he himself was working on for years and they can finally have children to be the heir to Geno's kingdom. (Please let Sid be the pregnant one!)
28. Royalty AU. Sid is taking Geno to visit Sid's family and gifts him with jewels and other trinkets for him to wear. To Sid, these jewels represent not just their class system but are a sign showing extreme love and gratitude to consorts. However, to Geno, where he comes from, this is a sign of being something like that of a prostitute. So the more jewelry Sid decorates Geno with, the more Geno believes that Sid is just using him to be a bedwarmer. Geno becomes colder and more distant towards Sid, dressing himself up and acts like he IS a prostitute to Sid and his family's confusion. Sid snaps and finally confronts Geno about his feelings. SO MUCH MISUNDERSTANDINGS AND MISCOMMUNICATION!!!
29. Sid is so wrapped up in the hockey life that he never has time for dating, and when he does, it usually never works out well. So Flower, Tanger and Duper hire an escort who goes by the name of Zhenya as a "surprise" for Sid. Zhenya, whose real name is Evgeni "Geno" Malkin, escaped from Russia in search of a better life in America, but things didn't go through all that well. When he arrives at Sid's doorstep, Sid is of course angry but slowly gets over it once he sees how cute Zhenya is. A single one-night stand turns into more than what Sid bargains for. Zhenya is falling in love with Sid and sees him as more than a client, but Sid doesn't want to get attached for fear of getting hurt and distracted from hockey. Cue tons of angst, miscommunications, and (hopefully?) a happy ending.
30. College AU where they meet their sophomore year. Geno has a somewhat serious girlfriend but doesn't tell Sidney. Sidney finds out that he's "the other women" and confronts Geno about his cheating by breaking up with him. Sid ends up giving Geno the cold shoulder for months until finally Geno corners him after class and confesses to Sid that he had tried to breakup with the gf before but she wouldn't let him, he met Sid and instantly in love so he didn't even think of the girl he no longer like, he also broke up with the gf after Sid left him and has been trying to get back with Sid ever since
31. Both alphas. They have to find alternative partners during their rut/heat, because when they try with each other, violence overtakes sex - the first time it was pretty bad; the second time they tried to maul each other (they'd taken precautions e.g. back-ups who could separate them); they're not risking a third time. Coming back to your partner after marathon sex with someone else, knowing you can't ever have that with them.
32. Zombie apocalypse. Sid's been bitten, and he hides it just long enough to make sure Geno gets to safety.
33. Always a girl AU where they're playing in the NWHL or the CWHL, and they're on different teams.
34. Geno is cursed by a witch so he can get pregnant, but doesn't know it until he and Sid have sex. He always wanted kids, but not like this.
35. royalty/arranged marriage. modern or historical.
36. Sid is pregnant with Geno's baby, but manegment doesn't take it well
37. Teen pregnancy au
38. They get telepathically bonded for hockey. And end up hating each other.
39. their soulbond has broken - writer's choice as to why (suggestions: too many injuries, they have a fight and one of them has it broken intentionally, they spend too long too far apart)
40. Geno is an omega and the usual omega angst that goes with that ~
41. One of them from our universe falls into an a/b/o universe and doesn't get back, or vice versa. Maybe omega!Geno falls into our world, but is still an omega (which means he has to try to hide his heats with no medical support), or maybe he falls into our world but isn't an omega anymore. Body horror, xeno-type scenarios, mpreg... :D
42. The hockey gods require a lot of sacrifice to get to the level Sid and Geno are at; now they're asking either Sid or Geno for more than he's willing to give.
43. Soulmates in a doomed reincarnation cycle
44. Time loops
45. Geno is stuck in a time loop from the beginning of his career to the end. Think Magical Girl Madoka, Homura specifically.
46. One of them is deeply closeted falls into an AU where they got together sometime back. Twist: he never gets back to his own time, and meanwhile the other party figures it out and is mourning his "real" boyfriend.
47. Cup Magic happens after Sids day with the cup after winning back to back. Sid gets sent to Mario's house but in 1992. People are shocked at how this guy is built and how fast he is on the ice and how he won't shut up about hockey when Mario brings him to practice one day. Neither of them know why Sid was sent to the past and can't figure out what the lesson is but snippets of scenes between Sid and Geno show so much UST and hesitation. Sid seems to retreat even more because locker room talk is even more brutal (why are you so good? Steroids?? )and homophobic than it is now. Sid starts to become miserable and lonely and does confess to Mario about his feelings for Geno and Mario is shocked but kinda figures the way Sid talked about Geno and asks how gay people are treated in Sids time. After a while he realizes he could have Geno in his life if only he was a little braver. And he's so heartbroken he might have missed his chance and he does come back to his time. He talks to geno about what happened to him and Geno is so upset Sid has to go through all that alone. they do eventually live happily (please) ever after.
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August 26, 2019. [Week 1]
1:52AM
At last, I’ve finally made & set up my journal-blog-account thing. Yay? I was both pretty excited, and also scared of actually having this project as a requirement, then I realized this wasn’t really an actual journal and more of a what-have-you-learned-this-week journal. Oh well. At least I won’t have to worry too much about what I can and can’t post about.
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First up, globalization. Technology allows us to be closer with so many people, and I am ALL up here for it. I am absolutely in love with the fact that it’s so easy to connect now to other people just like you online, and make new bonds with completely different people all the way across the world despite being THOUSANDS of miles away.
Most people probably look down on this and hard meme social media because in some cases, it actually causes people to drift away from each other and interact even less. Exhibit A: people on facebook, instagram and all the BASIC, fake forms of social media where people sink all their time in by posting all these fake, unauthentic, “perfect” images of themselves, and scrolling down aimlessly their timelines and feeds despite being in some important social event, serving as a gigantic distraction causing rifts between them and everyone else, instead of enabling one to become closer to others.
This was not the case for me. Honestly, before college, I was probably in one of the absolute worst times in my life. I pretty much had no more people around me I could trust, that cared about me. I had been completely alienated by all the people around me and was just so far away from everyone else. It hurt. It consumed me so much; and tore me apart because this was always in my face, in all the different actions people had around me, big or small (especially the small). School was just so demotivating to go to anymore, and I was just so tired of everything. I actually tried to find excuses to skip; like having too much homework due that day I was not finished with, and the fact that a lot of people were skipping anyway because there were no quizzes (unfortunately, this only worked once or twice and I still had to go anyway). It all ate away at me. The guilt, the isolation, and the pain (mine, and the pain I’ve caused others unintentionally, but hurt nonetheless). I really couldn’t take it anymore, and it was just consuming me like a tornado that was tearing me apart at the seams.
I don’t know what would’ve happened to me if I never actually opened my Discord again after so long, and joined a lovely little server I met all of the amazing online friends & support system I would have now. When I first joined, I was probably at the absolute lowest of my all-time lows. I never really thought of the server as anything more than just a place to ask for advice about a game I just started playing at first. Over time, I started chatting more with the people in it; not really noticing that hey, I’m actually making friends with them. Over time, I started getting closer and closer to them, to the point that they actually made me happy (or i guess back then, feel a LOT less like shit). To this day, I am still so incredibly thankful to them, for just being there for me. They never really did anything extraordinary for me, but the fact that they were there for me, and they were my friends that loved and respected me (even if I was kind of an idiot :P), and treated me like one of their own.
It was only about 2 weeks ago that I realized the main difference between my own peers in high school, and my online friends actually were: my online friends actually cared about me. They were the first people that actually cared and acknowledged me as an equal. They saw me not as a freak, like everybody else IRL had back then (and had given up on me), but they saw me as just another imperfect human individual, just like them. Someone who still had a lot to learn, didn’t really know what she were doing, and didn’t really mean to ever be mean. My online friends actually gave me so much more empathy and concern over my own past mistakes than anybody else probably ever did. Instead of just tossing me away and pretending I don’t exist, they actually guided me through it all, told me what I was doing wrong and how to fix it. And they actually forgave me. Every single little thing my dumb 16 y/o ass messed up.
It was really just such a fresh change of pace, and a gigantic breath of fresh air for me to be treated like this. It just felt so great to actually have proper friends and for my social need to be fulfilled again after so long without any problems, even if said friends were virtual and that people would probably never understand and give it the same weight as an irl friendship like it should be. I can’t help but feel only love for these people who had helped me back up when I was down because they were one of the few who ever really did, even if all they did was just be normal people, normal friends, and do normal friend things with me and nothing too special. Because that was something I did not get often back then.
If you guys are listening, I just want to say I really love and appreciate you all for being such incredible, amazing friends. You helped me anchor myself and keep myself together this whole time in my last year of high school, against all odds. I know we had our differences and our own little squabbles as well, but I’m also really thankful that despite that we were able to resolve these issues, both because of your maturity, and your guidance/s through these to help me on my own road to maturity too, to become a better person. You guys really have no idea how much you’ve helped me throughout the past year or so.
Social media can either help you or hinder you from making friends. It really depends on the way you use it. I know it helped me for sure, and I strongly believe that online friends can be just as significant and important in your life as your IRL friends (arguably, they might even be better depending on how good your online friends are, and how awful the people around you are).
Perhaps one day, when I’ve become a holistic and fully grown, mature individual I can help a lost and lonely soul like I was and guide them back into the light.
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Next up, the bioecological model. It’s really interesting and strange how we’re all intertwined so closely with each other, both of us influencing each other so significantly both for better AND for worse. It just goes to show how small the world really is and how big our impact can be on the people around us.
Not really sure what else to say, so here’s a little random excerpt I scribbled down in Evernote about our biggest weaknesses being our extreme interdependence on one another, which I think is very relevant to our past lesson about Bronfenbrenner’s little theory:
“I think our biggest flaw/flaws as human beings, is our need to depend on others and ask them for help, and our extreme reliance on others as well. Not just in physical struggle, but emotionally and psychologically as well.
We all seem to have this burning need to let out all of our inner issues and hurt to other people in an attempt for them to help us "carry" our struggles together, to be understood and empathized with, etc. However, humanity is so full of horrible people with bad intentions, people who simply don’t care, people who will hurt you and will continue to hurt you, whether it is their intention or not.
We try to place our trust in these people, thinking it will be different and they will truly help, when in actuality what will happen is that these other people can and will most probably betray you and hurt you even more than if you kept it by yourself.
It will be very easy to just hurt you by not putting in as much value or care into your own internal issues, and just drop you like you don’t matter to them (which you probably never did if this specific case were real). And after that, you’re pretty much just back to exactly where you were before this fiasco. All alone, still hurting and just as hurt as before (if not more). And now, you’re forced to keep your composure and act like everything’s fine, even after a betrayal as terrible as this.
This horrible cycle is actually why I find us so depressing and pathetic. We’ve been cursed with such soft hearts, that anything and everything can hurt us. I wish I had been born a stronger person so I no longer had to rely on others as a crutch to help me up, and so my own inner turmoil would not consume me completely anymore either.”
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Alright, I am very very sleepy and it is now 2:54 AM, so I bid you all good night and end this entry here. Good night! :]
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