#I thought tommy would be able to start healing once he got back to L'Manburg I GUESS NOT

[nocturnalgemstones]

Nobody Cares

tw: mentions of abuse, neglect potentially 

(also a lot of swearing)

This is a long post.

Nobody fucking cares about these children and I cannot get over it. I’ve been sitting on this for far too long.

Tommyinnit is a child soldier. Tommy was recruited by his older fucking brother to fight a war. Tommy volunteered to duel against an adult and no one stepped in for him. Tommy gave up his most prized possessions for his country. A child shouldn’t have to do that. Yes, it’s great that the other day he told Tubbo to give his last disc to Dream because he realized his friendship was more important, but as a child Tommy should not have to chose. Why did no one look back on this and say “hey, that was kind of fucked up?”

Tommyinnit burned down George’s house accidentally, and Dream took the opportunity to punish Tommy so he would be out of the way. Tommy realized this and told everyone. Barely anyone cared. So many people have grief things on purpose, but Tommy is the only one that Dream decided to punish. It was so obvious. Tommy is surrounded by people who start fights and wars over minor infractions, and are surprised when Tommy copies the adults around him Everyone shits on Tommy for being destructive, but how should he know better. Everyone reacts the ways he did when they feel wronged. Niki, Tommy’s biggest criticizer just burned down L’Mantree. Rules for thee but not for me amirite?

When Dream accused Tommy of destroying the Community House most believed him without hesitation. Are you fucking kidding me? Why? He had no evidence! Even after Dream admits to being to manipulating everyone, they still believe him. Tommy, though he didn’t go into detail, said that Dream “did something to him”. No one batted an eye. I couldn’t believe it. Technoblade, the man who blew up the country and sided with Tommy’s abuser was technically more supportive. Not because he was great or anything, but because everyone was so much worse. 

Tubbo is a child soldier. His is also a child president. What happened to L’Manburg is not his fault because he is a traumatized child doing the best he can. Dream called him an idiot and the worst presdient L’Manburg has ever see. No one stood up for him. Not a single one. Tubbo is a child, why is everyone with just blaming their problems on him? Nobody cares

Ranboo isn’t a child soldier (yet, I can’t believe I have to say that), but he sure is getting a lot of shit for just having friends. Dream, an known manipulator and dictator accused Ranboo of being a traitor, and no one thought, “hmm, somethings up with that. Maybe dream had an ulterior motive for doing that.” I don’t quite agree with everything he said, but I do agree that everyone is put way too much value in their factions. The purpose of a faction is to protect the people with in it. L’Manburg is becoming less and les of a country and more of a golden calf. A god that can only be appeased with the sacrifices of the mental health of their children. This is toxic patriotism. They’re too worried about protecting their home and not worried enough about the people that make that place home. If this keeps up, the country will tear itself apart. Dream, somehow, got his hands on Ranboo’s book. His sense of security must be so broken. It sounded like he was about to tear up when he said “I don’t know how he got it” and nobody cares. Fuck making this kid feel safe, fuck preparing to fight for the country we claim to care so much about, let’s entertain the accusations of someone who’s proven to be untrustworthy! Nobody fucking cares!

I am not a Tommy, Tubbo or Ranboo apologist. It’s impossible. Not because they did nothing wrong, but because they’re fucking children. 

They are children, and nobody cares.

[mcmoth]

So... I just found the song Theseus by The oh hellos, which... really surprised I hadn't found it sooner, being both a dsmp and the oh hellos fan, but oh well. Anyways, I just wanted to ramble about how this song fits c!Tommy, cause my god... the animatic I could make with this,,,

Oh, and this was originally a YouTube comment, btw, so it's maybe less expansive or personal than my usual rambles here would be. I just thought to actually rather post this on tumblr and delete the comment as to not add to the pile of dsmp comments cluttering the original song's feedback ^^ here y'all go:

At the edges of my fingers

Never quite closing round it

Oh, that peace like a river

Always going, but never getting

- How c!Tommy is constantly on the move, always preparing the next plan, always striving for some closure, how his two main priorities right now are safety and honesty - peace - and he tries so hard to get it, always, but in the end, never seems to succeed.

Seems like maybe it's not all that much a place

As it is a way

And ways don't ever seem to want to

Stay too still for too long

- Reminds me heavy of L'manburg. At the start of it, Wilbur did say that L'manburg wasn't a place, it was it's people, it's ideals. Words over violence, fighting back against oppressive authority, and seeking a family. And that's still what c!Tommy holds close to this day. But... as we all know. L'manburg, as it stood, didn't last long in these idealistic hopes.

Isn't that what it's all about?

The slow trickling thaw that sets the banks in half

The sweet melody it makes when the canyons crack

I wanna give it all I've got, and I want nothing

I want nothing back

-The "I wanna give it all i've got, and I want nothing, I want nothing back" makes me envision the season 1 finale, when Tommy tried so hard to fight for L'manburg, against all odds. And as Techno shouted at him to give up on being a hero, he just yelled back that he never wanted to be one, didn't want to be anything, rather "just wanted L'manburg back". For all of them.

Also, the first 3 lines give off cool imagery - the division between the dsmp and L'manburg, the war, the split sides after the election for the "trickling thaw that sets the banks in half", and Wilbur's words and symphony, once hopeful, turned miserable, as it echoes against Pogtopia's walls for "melody it makes when the canyons crack".

Whatever kingdom come, it probably won't come quick

No mighty clarion to announce it

No single use ark to discard in an instant

Like Theseus's ship, we'll fix the busted bits

- makes me think of new L'manburg, of everyone trying to rebuild after the destruction - constructing on top of the remains. Integrating the losses into their future. The creation comes slow, and without fanfare - the healthy bit of it, at least. But that's what's important about it - being able to take something slow for once, and just... working towards something again.

'Til it's both nothing like and everything

It's always been

It's a wonder we expect a thing to

Stay the same at all

- Theseus' ship is a metaphor for how, if you take something apart, one by one, gradually changing it's parts 'till it's all replaced, is the ship still the same ship? Or is it something entirely different now? And I feel like that's an interesting way to view c!Tommy - so much has happened to him, all lives lost. He's lost his spark, he's regained it again, different now. He's lost his friends, he's regained them again, different now. He's lost his brother, he regained him again, different now. So many labels have been assigned to him - hero, liability, toy... is he even Tommy anymore, misaligned pieces of what used to be a full puzzle? Or... is it that, after everything, it's still just him...

Maybe that's what it's all about

We keep fixing what we know is only bound to break

What's worth saving is never worth letting go to waste

I want to mend what I've got, instead of throwing away

- This is so relevant for c!Tommy. Whatever is important to him, he refuses to throw away. The discs, his relationship with Tubbo, trying to reconcile with Techno, not giving up on Wilbur... His whole speech to Foolish, that one stream, highlights this well. If he loves someone, he will never let go. It's worth trying to mend, in his eyes, even if there's no guarantee it won't just break again. Just like his home, rebuilt dozens and dozens of times after all the griefs and opportunities to leave it. He always returns to what is close to him.

Ain't nothing come easy

No, nothing comes quick

It's gonna hurt like hell to become well

But if we set the bone straight

It'll mend It'll fix

And we'll be well

- c!Tommy's whole story has been painful. He gets beat down, more often than not. He goes to get closure in prison, and he returns undead. His bones shattered, feeling reality altered. But he still tries. Still tries to figure out what to do next, what to save next, even as he's tired to the bone. And there's something to say, about that - about how he tried, despite the pain. His healing process is such a mess, but it's a healing process all the same.

Ain't nothing come easy

No, nothing comes quick

But I want for you this, that you are well

I want for us this, that we are well

- That's what c!Tommy wants, in the end. For everyone to be safe from torment, and to have fun. For everyone to be well. It isn't easy, and he's not perfect, and his edges are sharp enough to cut, but he wishes nonetheless. He tends to the server, he asks c!Dream why he doesn't hurt after leaving everything, he preserves Ranboo's flowers; he just wants everything to be okay.

We are well, we are well

We are well, we are well

We are well

- And they will be, I hope. Because if there's one thing that c!Tommy's story has shown, after all the fighting, abuse, arguments, death and grief - it's that he's still alive, and hanging onto hope... And though things are bleak, I'm hoping one day, the whole server, not just c!Tommy, will be able to say "we are well", too.

So... Yeah. Check out the oh hellos if y'all haven't already, their music is wonderful <3

[alouispo]

Alright- this fic is definitely going to be extremely dark. There is definitely going to be a lot of triggers in here. The reason why I wrote it so dark though is because the fiction that I've read isn't as dark as I would like, but then again I'm a very angsty person so that would make sense.

Trigger warnings// gaslighting, slight abuse, manipulation, depictions of violence, panic attacks, breakdowns, things like that- (also swearing and stuff)

Don't say i didn't warn you! (i cant put the break yet so ill do that later)

Ranboo didn't know what to expect when he went to visit Tommy in his exile. Surely he didn't expect anything good of course, but wasn't expecting anything too bad either. The Enderman hybrid could only visit the sixteen-year-old once every two weeks. If he would visit more than that, Dream would most likely prohibit him from visiting at all. Of course he would. The former vice president is in exile after all.

Walking through that Nether portal and stepping into Logstedshire, Ranboo was immediately filled with concern. Looking around the area, it seemed like the place had gone through hell and back. On the beach there were tons of Seagulls picking at what seemed like cake on the table; the place that Wilbur had built when Tommy came to exile for the first time was blown to smithereens, the tent was ripped to shreds and also blown up, and there were a bunch of random images of people from L'manburg hung up on wooden signs which were ripped brutally. 

He also noticed the huge pillar in the distance, built on top of a large hill behind Logstedshire. Ranboo didn't want to think of the worst, so he decided to just ignore it.

Deciding that maybe it was a bad time to come after he called around for a bit with no reply, Ranboo walked back through the Nether towards L'manburg, trying to stay positive as tears started to drip down his face.

Tubbo didn't ask anything when Ranboo came back from Logstedshire in silence. His presence didn't give off a good vibe compared to his usual lively self which is full of positivity. 'Something must have happened,' he thought to himself. 'But what?'

Tommy had to get away. If he didn't he would be slaughtered eventually. If he didn't get away now, he wasn't sure he would be able to survive until the end of his exile. 

The sixteen-year-old had been walking through the cold plains of the frozen biome for what seemed like hours. It was freezing oh, and he meant that literally. Also make matters worse, his clothes were worn out and he didn't have any shoes. The only bit of warmth that he kept was Wilbur's old hat. The one that he wore when he was alive. His physical and mental state didn't help him at all either. His body was weak from poor eating habits along with bruising and cuts. He didn't want to think about how he got them, so he pushed the thought out of his mind. His mental state was slowly deteriorating oh, Tommy becoming desensitized to nearly everything around him.

Not paying attention to any of his surroundings, the teenager tripped on a rock with his bare feet. The rock was unfortunately sharp and cut deep through the bottom of his foot not allowing him to walk. The cold was numbing it for a bit, so he wouldn't feel the actual pain for a while. His expression not changing, Tommy attempted to get up. The cold only pushed him down, adding the numbness of his limbs. He shivered as a harsh gust of wind pushed past him. Its not like it would matter to anyone if he decided to lay in the snow for a while. Gaining comfort in the softness of the cold, Tommy closed his eyes, promising that he would only sleep for a little bit. 

His bloodlust was strong, but how strong he didn't know. Technoblade first melted when he opened the door to throw out some rotten flesh. It made him stop in his tracks as the voices started to scream for blood. His eyes narrowed as he looked in the direction he assumed it was coming from. Being logical, the pig thought that it was just an animal that had hurt themselves badly while falling off a cliff or running into a tree, but this was different. Techno had already known what the smell of animal blood was like, he means, it's pretty common for animals to get hurt around here. This was different though. Technoblade smelled human blood, or at least something similar to human blood. The scent was so strong and made the voices scream louder, his eyes dilating with the inability to control himself.

Dropping everything that he was doing previously, and forgetting to close the doors of his house before he left, the pig trudged towards the source of what he was smelling. Even in the thick snow, his movement and eyesight were enhanced. It didn't seem to slow him down at all as he moved stealthily. He hadn't remembered the last time he felt so sensitive to everything around him. So aware.

Picking up the pace as the voices begged him to go faster, techno felt the scent getting stronger. He knew he was close, he could almost taste it. The words blood for the blood god repeated in his head over and over as he continuously got stronger. Excitement built up in his chest at the thought of a new prey.  He could see in the distance that someone was laying in the snow. 'Weak and helpless,' the voices chanted loudly. 'Kill them!' They screamed. 

Before he could obliged to the voices, techno blade paused. He was sure he recognized who was lying in the snow. Before he knew it, the voices had suddenly switched tunes, all of them saying that it was Tommy who lay there and to help him. Concerned etched into his features as the blood lust calmed down, I letting him think clearly for once. The blade examined the 16-year-old boy as he kneeled next to him. It seems that the vice president was unconscious,  and it seemed like the blood was coming from him. Searching his body and around him, he found a blood trail following Tommy for about two feet. A sharp rock caught his eye, leading him to assume that Tommy had cut his foot while walking. Picking the boy up as the thought of it getting infected filled his mind, Technoblade raced back to his house. It didn't also help how freezing cold it was, and how abnormally light the teenager was.

When he arrived to his base, the blade immediately slammed the door shut, startling Edward who was asleep with his dirt block. Technoblade climbed up the ladder rapidly and place Tommy on his bed before practically jumping back down it to get some bandages and a healing pot. Again, repeating the process of racing of the ladder, technical blade started on healing The cut on Tommy's foot. The main reason he was rushing so much was because he was afraid the voices would flip their switch again and decide that they want Technoblade to kill Tommy. After taking a few hours to heal the child, Techno took off his cape and covered the younger brother with it along with a few blankets. He wasn't sure how long the he could assume former vice president was outside in the cold. For all he knew, Tommy could have hyperthermia and also some other sickness on top of that.

The emperor took the time to examine Tommy Innit, Remembering how light the kid was when he picked him up. Tommy looked frail. He never thought of a more unfitting word to describe the former. He looked like he had barely eaten since the last time he saw him, say six or seven months ago. There were bruises on his face along with some cuts and a newly placed bandage on his nose. His golden hair that was usually fluffy and bright was dirty and matted, some sticks, leaves, and snow all mixed together in it. Every few minutes, Tommy would start shaking and hug himself before changing position and going back to sleeping like a dead man. He also noticed the bags under his eyes. Techno debated whether they were worse than his or not, but it was pretty obvious that it was terrible how he could have gotten those bags in such a short amount of time. He caught a glimpse of Tommy's forearm, which was worryingly covered in bandages.

Technoblade wanted to ask what it happened to him, but he decided it was better that he didn't for now. Climbing back down the ladder to go make some food, Techno left the child alone to sleep, preparing for when he would wake up.