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nabrizoya · 3 years

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honestly would LOVE to hear your thoughts on the nikolai duology because i really only see blanket praise or blanket hate for it whereas I see a lot of wasted potential. Bardugo's actual writing was beautiful as ever for the most part, but the choice of the plot/beats feels baffling to me. I love Nina, but her parts felt so separate from the rest of the book until the very end, and even that felt off. I liked the first 2/3 of KoS enough, dealing with the monster, political tensions, 1/2

and even the cult of the starless saint was at least interesting because dealing with people trying to rewrite the narrative of their greatest enemy (who hurt these young leaders in deeply PERSONAL ways) was really compelling (making him literally come back was. a choice) but I feel like somewhere in the last third, KoS went in a wholly differeent direction, and RoW has this vibe of feeling like she definitely wrote it after reading the show scripts or even seeing some footage. idk. 2/2

I will try to be brief (1/12)

Hey anon! Thank you so much for asking this even though it took 38756588247834 years to answer this I’m so sorry !! The Nikolai duology was good—wonderful too maybe because of the myriad of themes and topics it discussed and explored, all in addition to how beloved these characters are. For me, it’s the end of KoS as it is for you, and the entirety of RoW in particular that irk me the most.

I have very little issue with KoS, and I agree with everything you’ve said. The political tensions, the sort of urgency in trying to secure a country at the cost of personal reservations, preparing for a war that seems unforgivably near the door, etc. was all thrilling. After all, it is the first installment in the duology, and it’s supposed to set the course for the upcoming books.

KoS managed to introduce the stakes and the circumstances, lay the rails for what the characters will face and what it might mean to a vast set of entities connected to the events. And it’s hardly out of sense to expect Rule of Wolves to pick up where the previous book left off and carry forward the themes and plot points introduced in the first book.

Except, RoW failed spectacularly in that aspect.

Rule of Wolves: the second book, and the supposed finale to the Grishaverse and the Nikolai duology; it fails to continue the other number of threads that KoS set up for it, effectively compromising the characters, their characterizations, the themes and other political tensions and stakes. The due importance that should be given to the heavy set of topics that get brought up in the povs are not through, nor are the small details that Leigh added to the conversations evolve into something worth talking about, which are the actual points that could have been given some more page time to explore than just making them facts or points of nostalgia for the characters.

If you take a step back and analyze the whole timeline, events, characterization, objectives of the arcs and the plot points etc. etc., all the way from Crooked Kingdom to Rule of Wolves, there’s so much that is left out and tied in, quite haphazardly, which leads me to believe that Leigh wanted to attempt writing a duology that is more plot-driven than it is character driven. And we know that Leigh writes character driven stories brilliantly, and SoC, CK and TLoT are testament to the same. Heck, even TGT has more consistency than whatever TND has.

So, objectively? Plot possibilities? Characterization? Potential? Personal goals? Addressing the very serious themes it brought up, in little or major light, but give no proper elaboration about them?

The lost potential readily compromised the characterizations of many characters, and it all amounted to their arcs being very underwhelming.

I’m dividing this into four parts and here’s the basic outline.

Writing and Plotting

The Plot, Possibilities and Potential.

Characters, Characterization, Character Potential.

Remedy (what I think would've worked better to tie this all up)

This can get very looong, so be forewarned.

I. Writing & Plotting

Now, Leigh Bardugo’s writing is exceptional, no doubt. The sentences are short and flowy, and convey the tone, psyche, environment and the setting and its effects on the pov character marvellously. It's also immersive. It’s the same in Rule of Wolves, except, a little or a lot weaker.

The two main parts of this is that one, that Leigh slightly overdid showing a lot more than telling, and two, that the RoW (and perhaps KoS too), was more plot driven than character driven, the latter of which is actually Leigh’s strength.

In Rule of Wolves, Leigh’s writing seemed very choppy and snappish. The descriptions were lacking, or maybe that’s just me wishing for more internal conflict and dilemma, and going back and forth in one's own head for a bit. It felt like she showed more than she told.

Example being how Zoya ‘snaps’, ‘drawls’, ‘scoffs’, or ‘scowls’ less, and even if that’s supposed to be show Zoya beginning to be a little less unpleasant than she usually is, the tone in those chapters was not strong enough to distinguish how and why the character was acting a certain way. Nor pinpoint an explanation on what brought that change about. (And there were many instances like this with many other characters), which resulted in the characters themselves feeling so off to me.

Leigh’s characters are important to the story. They carry tremendous weight and actively contribute to the plot. Except, by focusing a lot more on the plot, some parts of these characters’ relevance was not up to the mark. It is greatly due to how weak the plotting and pacing of the book was, tbh, more than just her writing.

Consider: Mayu Kir Kaat. She is integral to the story, but she is thrust into responsibilities, and that doesn’t give us much time to see her as a person, and then as a person with a duty, like we see with most other characters. Whatever parts of her we did see were very circumstantial and timed, which is probably the reason why not many we’re unable to appreciate Mayu as much as we should. (Maybe fandom racism also plays a part, so, well,,,).

Like, we know from Six of Crows and with The Language of Thorns, how great care went into describing the characters’ state of mind, which further heavily influenced their choices and decisions. This time though, I think she wanted it to be more plot driven, hence the whole crowded feeling of the book and general worry about oh my god too much is happening, how will all this be solved and all that.

And this, I think, greatly hampered Leigh's writing, leading to unsettling and rather unsatisfying character arcs. Not to mention that there was quite little space given for the characters to develop or let them grow in a satisfying way which touches on most of the elements and themes that get brought up with regard to their powers and potential,,, and when it was indeed brought up, it was all in vain since they were never followed through.

That's one of the biggest problems for me in RoW: Plot points brought up in KoS were not brought forward in RoW.

II. The Plot, Possibilities and Potential.

Phew. Truly buckle up because this train has too many coaches. And to discuss them all, let’s keep the starting point as Crooked Kingdom.

a) Parem

Now, by the end of Crooked Kingdom, we know some important things about the parem.

It's dangerous asf for the Grisha who have to sacrifice their will and capabilities for a short time superpower high that they didn’t even ask for

Which means they are more often than not forced to consume the drug

Shu Han is the creator of the Parem and are also creating a new kind of soldiers called Khergud (who additionally require Ruthenium, but we’ll talk abt that later)

Fjerda snatched the formula after kidnapping Bo Yul-Bayur, keeping him away in the Ice Court and in their possession, and used the Parem to further their own heedlessly heinous agenda

I think it’s easy to understand how KoS started off on the right track, considering that Kuwei Yul Bo is mentioned, the antidote and jurda is brought up and so come the political tensions alongside it (what with the impending war, the demon, the lack of funds in the coffers and security and peace for the country alongside safety for the Grisha).

The point is, parem is a character of its own. CK was its inception, and its fate was decreed along with its lifespan and its doom. Ideally, by the end of RoW, parem should have been vanquished while addressing its nature as a deadly drug, the addiction and aftermath, and the key person who will guide the plot: Kuwei Yul Bo.

Parem is a political tool that pitted countries against each other, making one another their allies or enemies. (Though parem is not the only one factor). Ravka doesn’t yet know about Kerch’s neutrality. The Shu made their move to assassinate in the end, just as Fjerda cleared the air about their goals.

Point is, parem is weapon, a new kind of warfare that keeps getting alluded to in KoS. The first book gave a glimpse of how the Shu and Fjerda are using parem, thereby exploiting, prejudicing etc. the Grisha in their countries. Khergud whose humanity is washed away with parem + ruthenium, and the Fjerdan Grisha (are targeted) drugged and exploited while be subjected to torture, training and imminent death, parametres of these outcomes being severely gendered.

Ravka too wanted to weaponize it and create a usable strain that would still give the Grisha their powers but at a minimal cost, until Nikolai’s conversation with Grigori convinces him out of it and to use only the antidote for the Grisha.

And when are the contents of this conversation brought up again?

Never.

Another aspect of parem (that the conversation also covers) is this: that what was once merzost, parem is its strange cousin. Parem parallels breaking the bounds of Grisha norms unnaturally, while merzost takes it a step further to break the bounds of nature itself, which comes with a heavy price. They're both the same with little differences. Amplifiers are in tune with this discussion, hence the conversation between Zoya and Nikolai about how, and whether or not the abomination in him, the parem, and the amplifiers are tied together. This gets brought up again in the conversation with Grigori.

Parem parallels the superpowers, something that Zoya too manages to achieve once the corruption of the amplifier business is resolved, which makes her realize how in tune with nature the Grisha must be, and how limited the Grisha powers until then had been. And why the amplifiers were a corrupted piece of magic.

Zoya was supposed to be the conduit in that sense that she reversed the Grisha norms and understood the importance and nature of small science. This is alongisde parem getting abolished or resolved in the least, be given a redressal.

Yet instead in RoW, we barely see any of Zoya’s powers, nor even her experimentation and hunger for power which would give her protection. We don't see how she begins to realize that while power was indeed protection, it was also a responsibility. Not clearly, anyway.

So like, not only is this entire discussion thrown away in Rule of Wolves, but no matters are resolved either. Parem did not reach its end like it was supposed to. Merzost with regard to parem would have been an excellent thing to address, with or without the Darkling being present, because the blight is there. But that doesn’t happen.

What happens instead? We get one chapter of Grisha getting the antidote during the face off at the start of the book, the women in Fjerda are not brought up again and instead we jump to Shu Han. Kuwei is also conveniently forgotten because hey, the Zemeni are here so it’s all sorted!

RoW could have (should have actually) sought to address both the political and medical (?) aftermath and implications. Maybe it did succeed in showing the political side of it, with regard to Mayu, Ehri, Makhi and Tamar’s storylines. But that’s only in Shu Han, whose state of affairs we had NO idea of until RoW. No idea, so much that it was completely out of the blue.

And what we did know (get to know about in KoS) is Fjerda and the affairs there remained… unsolved.

(...sorry).

b) Grisha Powers

Re: From the conversation between Nikolai and Grigori, and Juris and Zoya, about how parem and the amplifiers are parallel to each other in terms of being abominations, a corruption of Grisha powers. Now the theory of it is not entirely explained, but we do know that the parem and whatever Zoya learnt from Juris was meant to move along in the same direction.

But we don't see another mention of it, except maybe we could dig a little deeper and realize that it all adds up because Zoya is the Grisha Queen of Ravka, Summoner, Soldier, Saint, all of it rushed and unnecessarily magical in a war so dire and realistic in RoW.

Welp.

c) Spy business

Just… genuinely what even was Nina up to in RoW? A spy, sure, but only to garner information on the pretender?

Why couldn’t there have been two responsibilities for her to uncover: the lies or truths about the pretender while the Apparat causes hindrances, and Nina trying to seek out more documents of the locations and labs where the Grisha women are being tormented and the other Grisha being weaponized? It could have been a leverage to discredit Fjerda in front of everybody in the Os Kervo scene. Imagine if Nina whipped out the documents of Grisha labs and brought the truth of the exploitation and killing and kidnapping etc. in front of the convention of all nations. All of it together would have upped the political tensions by quite the notch.

Even then, there’s a possibility that it wouldn’t matter either because the Grisha aren’t exactly valuable to all the nations. But killing and exploiting is still wrong so maybe it might have worked? Or see, even if it wouldn’t have, the slow and sluggish realization of Mila’s identity by Brum, and alongside writing it as a tragedy where Nina’s efforts seem to have gone to waste, or where Nina is telling Zoya about not accounting for Prince Rasmus’ word and she informs her about the documents she has snatched? Something could have been done here?

The point is, KoS focused on Fjerda and its unraveling, and it wasn’t continued with and through in Rule of Wolves. Instead it sought to find the problem in a whole new country, Shu Han, and fixed it within the same book leaving the other country as it is.

d) Ruthenium and the Blight

Ruthenium, the metal that is an alloy of regular metal and Grisha made steel, could have been utilized more significantly in the books.

I mention it in association with the blight because while on one hand it is true that the blight is an area full of nothingness, ruthenium as a metal could have been utilized to show the effects of rushed industrialization that is leading to the ground losing its essence. This is supposed to be advanced warfare after all. Besides, Makhi loses someone very dear to her. Perhaps ruthenium is more dangerous in Shu Han because the Shu use it to create the khergud, so the constant manufacturing of it has been leading to the metal leeching the lands of their fertility, along with the blight.

And so also to broker peace, Ravka could have provided aid in some ways. :

1) The Darkling sacrificed himself, as a result of which the blight vanishes. While the blight took away her niece, the possibility of a blight persisting despite the ending of RoW could be attributed to ruthenium.

2) Ravka could provide the reversing effect to the alloy of ruthenium and metal using Grisha and otkazt’sya engineering and ingenuity to replenish the lands.

All in addition to whatever will be Shu Han’s policies to bring lushness to their lands.

e) Women and War:

Holy fucking Shit, where do I start with this?

Whatever we saw in Fjerda was haunting, and we see it from Nina’s chapters. There’s literally no resolution for it, nor is it ever brought up again, at all. In Zoya’s chapters, we see through her eyes the brunt that Grisha faced with the war, and in a country that has refused to recognize Grisha as the citizens and considers them expendable.

Add to it her own narrative of how the women are never mentioned, let alone the ones that she has lost or has known to suffer, at the hands of the war, at the Darkling's torture and powers. The description of these women suffering, often being forgotten and thrown aside as mere casualties… where or when was it ever going to be brought up again?

Like, switching between such horrifying things happening in Fjerda to whatever was happening with Zoya and Nikolai and Isaak is such a contrast, horrifyingly demeaning and insulting, even more so when it failed to align with the importance of parem and offer a solution to both these problems.

Now switch to Rule of Wolves, where the Tavgahard women immolate themselves on Queen Makhi’s orders. Not only is that such a cheap and insensitive thing to do, it gets treated a simple fucking plot point in the book, and it barely gets addressed afterwards. Women in Asia have a vastly complex and complicated history with fire, and this is a serious criticism that culturally affects readers in personal ways. And what gets done about it? Fine, Zoya feels baaaad, sorry oops why would the women do that?!?!?

Where is the adequate sensitivity to the topic? Where is the continuation of the pain Zoya feels for many people, despite them being the enemy? How does she honour them? Where is all that dilemma and pain? Why does she not think of them or just get a line or two to talk about them?

Where is the due importance for this suffering given? Structurally and culturally?

f) Soldier, Summoner, Saint / Yaromir the Great

We never really get any explanation for why Zoya deserves to be the Queen, and why she is the best. But we do get to see why Nikolai isn’t the one supposed to be on the throne, and it’s not just because of his parentage but also because of his failings and doubts and the need for acceptance with the secrets he carried.

Here's the thing though; it’s not just about her showing mercy. It’s very subtle, and in good sense, should actually have been given a little bit more importance that be loosely brought up at random times.

Keeping aside the fact that Zoya is representative of Ravka—a woman, a Grisha, a Suli girl who changed the course of war and who knew what it was like living in poverty, being as an underprivileged person of the society in addition to the trauma from then and the state of living at her aunt’s place—which is meant to be covertly apparent, the other reason tracks back to Yaromir the First, who with the help of Sankt Feliks of the Apple Boughs—the one who raised the thornwood—lead Ravka at that time into the age of peace.

The Darkling testified that in his POVs, that while Feliks and Yaromir worked in tandem for Ravka, Aleksander worked for safeguarding the Grisha. In one sense, Zoya is supposed to reflect that moment in history in the present moment, except she is Queen and Sankta, and Grisha, all three at once.

It is brought up in one of the Darkling’s POVs and once in the conversation with Yuri in KoS. Other than that, we never actually get any more hints of this explanation in the text, which is the reason why the entire ending felt so so rushed, and like a fever dream, that even if it was a plot twist, it was kinda very baseless when it should have been more ohhhhh sort of a thing.

g) The Starless Cult and Saint Worship

This cult had immense potential to blossom into many things, some of which were indeed touched upon in KoS when Zoya says that she saw a bit of herself in Yuri, and brings up time and again how easily she’d been led and had not been aware enough of what’s right and wrong, just as she supposes Yuri is too. And to some extent, there is truth there, because in the Lives of Saints, we do see why Yrui comes about to hail the Darkling and how it parallels Zoya’s, of being helpless and ten being saved by a different power/ their own power, respectively.

That’s where it forks, that Zoya is older and realizes the path that Yuri has chosen and understands that it won't happen until he realizes it himself because the Darkling’s crimes are so obvious.

Even then, there’s still more potential: This cult could have been the mirror that would make Zoya reflect on the questionable methods of the Darkling, and the ways in which she might be mirroring them, despite or not it is the necessity because of the war. How she is training soldiers too, just as the Darkling did, and while the need to take children away from their homes just as soon as they were discovered Grisha was abolished, it was war, and they needed soldiers.

So like, there’s quite a big narrative going on here, how mere children are pushed into one path of becoming a soldier and the whole system that was that the Darkling followed to train the Grisha and all of that. All of this in addition to the juxtaposition to the Grisha being seen as elite despite them being hunted, and the people who are not Grisha frowning upon them. This is also the work of the Darkling, which actually paves the way to see how there can be a world where the Grisha are not feared or seen as abnormal, despite or not they are given a Saint-like narrative.

This cult could also have been the segue to discussing Yuri and his brainwashing, and the sort of cult-ish behaviour of believing in something firm when you couldn’t believe in yourself, or not seeing the magnitude of the crimes of their supposed Saint, alongside always staying focused on becoming a soldier only and never actually thinking beyond what is told.

Some of these are very subtle and some are brought up, but never given too much of an explanation.

Genya brings up another good point in the funeral chapter, about how Fjerda seemingly taking into the whole Saints thing could mean that if the Darkling moved there, he could very well sprawl his influence there to bring in supporters. Which leads to another discussion that gets brought up towards the end of the book: about Nina telling about the Ravkan Saints to Hanne and therefore to the Fjerdans,,, which doesn’t exactly sit right with me. It’s still a very nascent topic, and I think SoC3 will explore this path of faith and personal beliefs etc. but leaving it just there, while talking so much about Saints in both the countries,,, don’t exactly know how to put it into thoughts here.

But regardless, the cult of the Starless had different potential to talk of (blind) worshipping of an ideal without critically examining why the person must be put on the pedestal in the first place (and if it is simply power, then there is actually a narrative right there, which RoW gets right, about the people valuing the power still, as a result of which the monarchy still persists at the end of RoW. Even then, there’s more discussion awaiting there).

Not sure if any of this makes sense, but I’ll leave it at this here for now.

edit: 05/07/2021 | I think what I was trying to say here is that we do not have any kind of narrative evidence to seeing how and why it seems right that the Fjerdans will worship Ravkan Saints; is it merely because they are all Grisha? Or is it because of the segue explore this path of faith and personal beliefs and all of that, of the talk of the monastery and the Grisha there being of all identities, that a monastery is in Shu Han, that it has Djel's sacred Ash tree so far away from Fjerda... much to think about.

III. Characters, Characterization, Character Potential.

Mostly going to be about Nina and Zoya, but I’ll bunch up the rest of them at the end.

a) Nina

*head in hands*

I severely mourned how poorly Zoya was written in RoW, but then I realized that more than Zoya, it’s Nina whose potential was severely undermined and wasted. On one hand, I’m glad she uses her powers and quick thinking,observation and her own tactics to analyze the population and opt for the best way to make them see the truth she wants to show them (eg: making Leoni and Adrik and Zoya saints and also showing that the Grisha are the children of Djel via people’s belief to Joran and Rasmus’s mother).

But then, it’s like you said; her parts were so offbeat and outpaced and completely disjointed, when in fact, Nina is the thread that ties all the characters, their plotlines and potential, together. Nina is connected to Zoya and Hanne, two equally important characters and main characters of the duology. Whatever scope Nina has, they are greatly in parallel to Zoya and Hanne. And it’s all literally there, in the text! What a waste.

Though keeping aside these parallels, Nina’s own journey from Ketterdam to Ravka to Fjerda, while is spoken about, doesn’t touch some other parts that I see potential in. Or this is just meta.

Nina has grief not just from Matthias’ death but also from the loss of her powers as Heartrender. So much of the Second Army was built on being a soldier, and perhaps the Darkling was not outright disdainful of racial differences in his army, yet he still stripped every part of the children away until they weren’t children anymore in his view. They’re all soldiers… (albeit his soldiers, preparing them to do his bidding because hey, give and take right?). Nina was a soldier, and she is a soldier still under Zoya’s role as a General, but an ‘other’ of a soldier. That’s her only identity, and the loss of her powers means that she’s a different kind of soldier.

I imagine that this entire time, some small part of Nina longed for normalcy, or whatever settled as normal for a life like hers. In the sense that she wants to go back, but what is back and where exactly did she want to go back to? What was the before and after and where did things go wrong or change? There’s tragedy in the realization that whatever you were before what you became is not a place you can return to, and that’s a different kind of loss that she has to bear, and all by herself. She has powers over the dead now, a strange power she learns to grow to, but all the places she has been, all the lives she has led and people she had been, everything might seem like they’ve all been locked away in some strange place leaving her barren and indisposable.

She’s off to Fjerda as someone she isn’t, figuratively and literally. In KoS, Nina brings up many times how odd she feels as Mila and in some capacity longs to be Nina Zenik again. This ties in with the previous point of returning to somewhere, but where?, but is also a segue towards body dysmorphia, the thing that Nina and Hanne’s storylines parallel and connect too with in a small way. It’s a great line to follow to discuss what her discomfort with her body means to herself while it means something entirely different to Hanne, who is also not entirely comfortable being who they are. (This discomfort further which leads to gender dysphoria, while for Nina, it will be about learning to accept her powers. I’ll add on to this in a bit,).

I'm mourning the lost potential of that experience being a parallel to Hanne’s own feelings, of a discussion between people being uncomfortable with their bodies, something that can mean multitudes to each person and on their own accord.

In parallel to Zoya, I like to draw it from the fact about Nina wanting to go back to who she was, while Zoya actively tries to lock her past away and drown it somewhere or throw it to the storm, never to hear of it again. She has no identity other than being a soldier, and that’s enough for Zoya, because who she was before she was a soldier is not pleasant. But moving from being just another expendable shell of soldier under the Darkling’s rule, Zoya becomes the one third of the Triumvirate, and then the King’s general, all of which bring self-awareness of Zoya’s capabilities and challenges that are bound to excite her. But all of these also compel Zoya to be many other people to others as she slowly grows to realize that power is not just protection but also a responsibility, and it will inadvertently mean confronting her past of her lost identity, realizing the how of the Darkling, and how harmful it was. As Genya puts it perfectly in Rule of Wolves, that they were all taken away when they were young kids, not even barely children, and then thrust into responsibilities that didn’t allow them to be anything else other than what the Darkling told them to be.

Back to Nina; a few other great parts about Nina’s arc could have been about her connection to languages, as language being a mode of strengthening identity, in addition to growing to her powers. In RoW, there’s this line that goes ‘how sweet it was to speak her language [Ravkan] again’, and the feeling of homesickness. Like, Nina is trying to connect to Ravka through what she knows best—language, and then stories. In that, Nina realizes a part of her identity, which could also act as a segue to Zoya reclaiming her own heritage and ethnicity. Not only that but Zoya and Nina’s stories are literally so intertwined that it’s hard not to see how their choices and line of thought affect one another’s arcs, in the grief they have and how they choose to treat it, and also show why Zoya is particularly protective of Nina (and keeps wishing that she doesn’t become the monster Zoya had become, in the sense that Nina is more mature in handling her grief than Zoya was and the entire mercy plotline ties Nina, Zoya and even Genya together. More meta, haH).

And that’s why the ending doesn’t make sense. Even though the part about her not being comfortable as Mila is not brought up many times in the continuing chapters (and that’s why perhaps naming Nina’s discomfort as body dysmorphia may be wrong), there’s still the part of Nina readily accepting to be who she was a Mila and remain in Fjerda that seems iffy to me. Especially when Nina and Hanne literally a few chapters ago think about running away (it may be just another alternative they might be fantasizing about, but I think it still means that they both want to be their true selves without hiding any parts of it away). So her staying as Mila… well, it doesn’t exactly add up.

I’d also add the part of Nina’s story mirroring Leoni’s, and how she is from Novyi Zem and being a part of the Second Army meant that she had little to no connection with her past, her culture etc. But maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part that Leigh went for that arc.

edit: 05/07/2021 | I don't agree with my point anymore about Nina not having the kind of ending I assumed she might have, considering that it is very well possible for Nina to treat her identity as Mila as a fresh start, as a Grisha with a command over the the dead and begin a new normal that is suited for her. You can read more here.

b) Zoya

For one, white passing Zoya is not canon to me. I simply pretend I do not see it.

See, her race was handled very badly. Making her half-Suli was supposed to show the struggles and the trauma that the ridiculing of her identity by other people has caused to her. Except, not enough time nor text is given to thoroughly discuss it. Not to forget how problematic of a narrative in itself it is to make Zoya white passing.

It would have made more sense to make her dark skinned and predominantly Suli-looking than whatever yt bs she was put through. Her not being white-passing would have led to conversations about tokenization, or people caring little about her and not giving her any respect because she is Suli. Or being called beautiful to the face and praised just for it or a harmless tumble in their point of view.

So like, instead of making the ‘mistake’ of seeking for acceptance, seeking appreciation and love, from her mother at first and then the Darkling, Zoya instead makes herself someone to be feared, if respect was not what she deserved. The iciness is a part of her and has always been, but all of it soon became a shield, an armour that she vowed to harden her heart with. Just the sheer impact of this narrative and her reluctance, and seeing Nikolai love her for beyond who she thinks she is… if all of this was canon, I’m pretty sure I’d have built a shrine for this duology.

Let’s now talk about her grief, and...

…

Okay it’s not for me to point fingers at how Leigh chose to write about grief because there’s no one way or one proper approach to go through that pain, and if that’s how she chose to write about grief for Zoya, fine! But I really wish we’d have gotten a little more into her head to see how the trauma has affected her thoughts and how she struggles against why and what exactly it is that Juris wants her to do. That enough time and text was dedicated to Zoya’s feelings and the mayhem it caused her, as a result of which the dragon’s eye took its cue and made things more unbearable to her because she was the only one to bear them all.

Like, I feel like Zoya was overwhelmed throughout the book and in between she had some skyhigh responsibilities to discharge and it’s all so inconsistent and poorly woven,,, it completely dissolved her character from KoS and made it 10000000x more miserable for me to read her POVs. And honestly, what even were her assignments that the Kirkus review mentioned? Never an inch of text in RoW is given to decipher her complications of her mind, the muddled sense of hopelessness and fear that grips her time and again. Why overwhelm her so much that you fail to do her mental state and capacity any justice?

I’m not going to be harsh about how much David’s death bothered me-- no actually fuck that; what’s the point? Fine, he died. All because you wanted to make his death a plot device to make Zoya reconcile with loss and deal with it? Where was Genya’s grief? Literally no point of having a death in the book at all, and it didn’t even achieve anything. (I’m still trying to wrap my head around why David’s death was important and maybe if I find some straws, I’ll consider…)

There were so many other ways around it; could have brought back Lada and killed her off, or have the Darkling piss her off so badly or just. Something. Instead of whatever happened with David. I think this is too harsh and insensitive of me to say about Leigh, but still… there’s a myriad of other ways to have gone about it. Helping Zoya deal with her grief with Nikolai at her side, to understand that the rage that was fueled from her loneliness, like it had been in the past, could now be a weight that Nikolai was willing to carry with her… Helping someone with their grief, staying and choosing is also a love language you know?

So in that regard, I won’t regret saying how flat the garden scene was to me. Zoya’s lines, though tinged with grief, were so out of what I would expect KoS Zoya to say. Maybe it’s also because of how bitter I was reading about David's death, despite that part being spoiled for me.

The cost shouldn’t have been David’s death, especially not when his death too wasn’t properly handled at all, and Genya’s grief was never spared a second thought beyond bringing Titanium.

Now let’s talk about how Out of Character Zoya was throughout the book. Her punchy attitude was missing, and even if she was warming up to her friends, we see little of the iciness she continues to retain. Another part of this is about exploring her relationships, particularly with Nikolai and her growing feelings for him. I wish we’d have seen them grapple with more of their confusion and propriety, if only for the yearning™. Besides, no matter how cute their scenes were, they were mostly (like maybe some. 70%) awful to read them, simply because it felt so odd to see Zoya be so open with Nikolai, all of a sudden.

A part of this definitely has to be the fact that we don’t know just how much time has passed between the end of KoS and the start of RoW, and we never, never see any description of they regarded their feelings for each other and how they understood it themselves. I don’t actually know how exactly I can put this into words in a manner that will make sense, but the only scenes where I appreciated Zoyalai were in the Ketterdam chapters, ONLY. The rest was… bleh lmao. Their scenes were so cute and brilliant, and if only we’d seen more of the internal conflict and had given some more time for them to practically approach their feelings but still end up in the puddle of it. If only.

Their scenes apart were the good ones, because that’s where we finally see Nikolai feeling the loss, no matter how temporary (on the verge of being permanent since it’s the war), of not having Zoya with him, of not being there with Zoya because who else would it be if it wasn’t her? Zoyalai had good scenes but they barely lived up to the mark lol. Their feelings are never thoroughly explored, nor their mental capacities.

While we’re talking about Zoyalai, let’s also talk about how lame it was for Zoya to say that Nikolai was the golden spirited hero all along, from the very start, when canonically we know Zoya had little to do with him in the earlier books, that she may have only been physically attracted to him and never saw him as more than just some guy with a responsibility to manage, and had sooooooo much distrust about him. And that it was only in the next few years of working with him and alongside did she grow to recognize his efforts and relish in the hope that he was building for Ravka, inadvertently making Zoya hopeful too.

Nope. Instead, we’ll just throw in some destiny bs that he was the one all along rather than show that the beauty of their relationship did not stem what they perceived of each other, but was instead built on strong respect and admiration for one another and their capabilities. 100% destroyed their relationship for me.

Some good parts about Zoya’s arc in RoW was how she acknowledged her past mistakes, and the nuance that was touched upon in seeing sense in becoming a soldier from the start, that offered her a chance to be anything other than a bride. That some part of her was grateful for the Darkling for teaching her how to fight, while still keeping Genya’s words in mind about how they were mere kids, children who had only one path to traverse because the Darkling (who wanted their acceptance and loyalty) nor the Kings of the country let the Grisha be anything else other than pawns of the war. That she recognizes her mistakes as a teen and how self centred she was, that her being snotty had at times cost some peoples’ lives too. And she doesn’t take the blame all up on herself, because it’s not hers alone to bear. Super good.

Also, the way Zoya comes to view power as responsibility instead of merely as protection was something cool to read about. It’s not clear in the books, but Zoya actively tried to not be the Darkling while still continuing to build an army for the war out of necessity, and actually sharing some parts of the dream that the Darkling had for the Grisha. I can’t articulate this so perfectly, but the point is, Zoya trying to avoid becoming a tyrant like the Darkling was an active process that she was constantly trying to change, and where Zoya could not recognize her own feelings and inherent thoughts about warfare that in some ways did mirror the Darkling’s, by the end of book, Zoya is much more self-aware and conscious of herself and her power than she was at the start of the book. And this was well done.

Now, what is up with YA and making people turn into giants or animals lol wtf. Why couldn’t we have seen Zoya use her dragon powers in a way that symbolizes the conditions of her dragon amplifier and the power of the knowledge she obtained from Juris? She is a Saint, and we’ve seen that their powers allowed them to cause ‘miracles’ and such, as we see at the start of KoS and at the end.

Why couldn’t we have seen Zoya dabble with her newfound powers and completely lose her shit in anger during the wae, only to rein back in mercy, just as someone from Fjerda begs for forgiveness since they see her then as a Saint? Adrik and Leoni used their powers in Fjerda, so having Zoya bring about a conundrum of all orders and do something about it would also have been cool, wouldn’t it? In the funeral scene we see her turn water into ice, thereby making a path for Genya. Why couldn’t we have had more exploration of the importance of the dragon��s eye and the general nausea of being overly empathetic every. damn. time? Why didn’t we get to see her powers? Why couldn’t we have seen her fail in them and realize that the reason she was not perfect was because she was trying to be strong on her own and was not relying on others and joint effort?

Her turning into a dragon was genuinely the most baffling part bc here’s a war that’s so serious and dire with metals and bombs, and then here’s this magic that will solve all of it entirely. Like I’m not saying it was bad, (I am actually saying just that) but I also don’t know what I am saying, except that the ending felt like a fever dream.

…?

Not sure if I’ve managed to convey it properly, but well. Zoya felt out of character throughout RoW, and that the only place I saw KoS Zoya was in the final Os Kervo scene where Zoya finally agrees to be the queen.

c) Nikolai

Nikolai’s arc was very satisfying and brilliant to read about in RoW. In KoS, he seemed very much like a passive character, one of the reasons why his stunt with the Shu in RoW was appreciable, no matter how ill-timed of a plot turn it was. His journey throughout this book was also introspective to see why others deemed him unfit as the King, and even if they were his enemies who thought that in want to dispose him from the throne, Nikolai realizes that him being on the throne is not of much value and that this book was entirely about him seeing his privilege and making decisions to counter and correct the mistakes he’s made. That was nice. Oh, also his father not being an antagonist was a pleasant surprise.

I don’t have many complaints about him, except perhaps wanting some more internal conflict and elaboration about his feelings for Zoya. Them being apart was where it was satisfying, and then in the Ketterdam chapters. His arc could have been better in KoS, but that’s to blame the plot for the characterization.

d) Hanne

Now, from the very start, their arc was super good and it only got better and better until… the ending. Except it’s so odd that Hanne, a poc, has to now live as white person, while feeling comfortable in their transmasc identity. Icky, no? That you need to eliminate one part of your identity in order to feel safe and comfortable about another? Add to this the whole white-passing Zoya thing,,, doesn't exactly send off the right message.

Together with Nina, the ending seems uncharacteristic for both of them. Them coming to accept their powers and knowing to use their powers on their own accord was brilliant, though the entire husband business felt very,,, eh to me, even if it did make sense. The ending about their name and their new identity was too vague.

e) Genya, Leoni and Adrik, Kuwei, Mayu,

Genya is the one who faced the most disservice along with David. While there were exceptional parts to both of their plotlines, it's still sad that even if David's death was necessary, we don't get to see the entirety of her grief and the possible anger, and that her kindness is simply used as the justification for lack of portrayal of grief.

It really did take me by surprise, mostly because I wasn't a fan of the original Shadow and Bone book, but seeing David's conscience and self-awareness, along with Genya's (and Zoya thinking of how she wouldn't let any harm come to them, which shows a bit of her development towards her character development), was plenty refreshing. David and Genya were genuinely the highlights of the book and to kill David off was just. doesn't sit right with me.

Leoni and Adrik deserved more page time. They’re saints and immensely capable (no wonder they’re now the Triumvirate), but a few more pages for them to shine would not only have been nice, but also a necessity.

And now, Kuwei...

....

I mean,,, parem should have been the plot, alongside the entire weaponry and the discussion of making a city killer. But uh… that didn’t happen.

There's not much I have to say about Mayu, Tamar and Ehri, except that their plot was superb, only very badly timed.

There's more to talk about them in the remedy tho.

IV. Remedy

Here’s the deal. Before KoS release, there should have been a Nina novella.

Nina is a very important character. All of her potential, alongside many other parts of her personality--from dealing with grief, to accustoming to her powers, to growing stronger--there could be so much to do with her as a protagonist, alongside another character: Mayu.

A whole book dedicated to Nina in Fjerda with Hanne? Brilliant. Show Stopping. Mind blowing. It gives SO much page time to explore not just Nina and Mayu, Hanne, but also Zoya, Leoni and Inej. All together.

How?

Nina’s plotline carries the entire medical effects of the use of parem, just as Mayu’s will carry the pain she feels about her brother being a part of the khergud program. The novella will give ample time to flesh them out as characters and protagonists, each dealing with plot problems and problems of their own--like the loss of ones powers and newfound responsibilities, and the shared loss of a beloved person in parallel, even if neither Nina or Mayu interact on page.

Fjerda and Shu Han could be tied together with one chapter as a POV from Zoya (or maybe two), who, along with the Triumvirate and Nikolai, are completely at loss with the political scenario in the country, and are debating over what should be the course of action. Zoya receives news from the scouts, and missives from Nina, and Tamar takes care of the information she garners from the rest of the network, including Shu Han.

Like, the entire surprise of finding a Zoya POV, from a character whom until CK we’ve known as cold hearted and stern and not giving a fuck about anything or anyone, be humanized in that one chapter, thereby building up the anticipation for her arc,,, the very potential,,, *chef's kiss*.

And by the end of book, we could have an POV--or maybe a cameo if not a POV--of Inej meeting Nina on one of her travels of slave hunting. Inej could help take care that the women that Nina has rescued (as Nina does in KoS) reach the Ravkan shorelines safely. But, for a price.

The entire parallels between Leoni and Hanne and Nina could be set up, while also building up the narrative for the Saints’ plotline with Adrik's, Leoni's and Nina’s powers (like it was at the end of KoS). KoS and RoW would thereby continue it by tackling the weaponization and the antidote, Sainthood and the rest of the politics of it all.

Coming to Shu Han: one key aspect that I’d love to have explored would be the importance of art, during or despite the war. Of how war or pain chips away culture, while detailing on the ill effects of it from the commoners' perspectives, from the soldiers etc. Art is integral to Shu Han and could be portrayed by Mayu’s pain finding balm in poetry, of seeing glimpses of Ehri poring over poetry also mayri ftw, of politics that Makhi is weaving against Ravka, etc.

Or also add some more length to Zoya’s POV and explore a bit of Tamar and Tolya and Kuwei’s interactions and perspective added to it, of missing a home that they seemed to not know, or know; of discussing culture and differences on the basis of where they’re from (maybe the twins are from the borders, while Kuwei grew up near the capital or somewhere distant from the borders etc.), all while directly pointing at Zoya’s heritage and how it ebbs at her conscience, no matter how much she wants to bury it.

POTENTIAL !!!

Like,,, Nina novella would have been too powerful. It would have been perfect. I think I’d excuse bringing back the Darkling too if this was the case. (Or maybe not).

But welp.

Hey, thanks for reading! Not sure if you could make it this far, but if you have, you honestly deserve a medal for sitting through this all. I can’t imagine how tiring it must be to read through this, considering it seemed to take it more than month to compile this there’s also me procrastinating on it too so i’,mbhbdhshfsdn

Drop an ask if you want to talk more about this!

Sincerely, thank you!!!

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seijch · 4 years

Text

send me selfship questions!!

for @raevaioli because i wrote too much the first time and didnt have space to answer everything else 🧍🏻‍♂️

(there’s a lot of shit under the cut NDJKDKS be Warned)

1. where was your first date?

well, youve already heard about the first date that we realized was indeed A Date with futakuchi, but my first Proper Date with him would have to be somewhere like an arcade where we can have fun but still talk?? personally movie (theater) dates aren’t good first dates bc you Have to stay silent until the movie is over?? what’s the APPEAL...

there’s a shared exhale of relief as the large stuffed pokemon gets dropped by the crane into the pickup zone. “i can’t believe you pulled that off,” i tell him.

“you know, just for that, i’m keeping it.”

“you don’t even like pokemon! what happened to ‘this one’s for you, baby?’” i ask, voice dropping an octave to imitate him.

“i never said that, first of all. second of all,” he continues, grip tightening on the rowlet, “i won it. so it’s mine.”

“you fucking suck.”

(he says all this, yet when he drops me off, he insists i take the rowlet with me and name it after him. i graciously oblige, dubbing it coochie jr.)

when it comes to kuroo, he probably Says it’s some kind of unplanned affair but it ends with him unloading a picnic basket as we watch the sun set bc he’s a SAP... hate that fool 😔

“you’ve got good taste in music,” i tell him as the next song on his playlist begins. he’s definitely planning something, but i don’t say anything as his driving becomes less aimless.

“oh, i know,” he grins. “good enough for you to ask me for recommendations, i’d say.”

i’m crossing my arms before his sentence gets to finish. “listen,” i start, “you can’t tell me it didn’t work. we’re together now, aren’t we?” he doesn’t choose to grace that with a response.

before we know it, kuroo’s parked the car. “we’re here.”

“here? at the park? what are you gonna do, hold my hand while we watch the sunset?” i tease, getting out of the car. he doesn’t respond. “tetsu?”

“you really think you know me, don’t you?” he appears from the other side, picnic basket in hand and a resigned smile on his face. “what do you suggest we do now that my surprise has been torn to shreds, hm?”

“i mean...can we still eat? i’m kinda hungry.” i point to the basket. (i’m clearly deflecting ,, i was Not expecting kuroo the simp to jump out so early and my heart Cannot Take It)

2. who normally plans the dates?

between me and futakuchi i’m going to say none of us! we don’t really go on Dates dates, it’s just Us Hanging Out !! with kuroo, at first it’s him tbh but after we get comfortable everything becomes a date... idk tbh i’m not the type to sweat that kind of thing 🕺🏻 i do like to Go Out and do things w my s/o no matter who they are but a date doesn’t always have to be going out nor does it have to be a Special going out yk??

3. what kind of dates would you two mostly go on? do you have a “date spot?”

i mentioned this in my answer for 24, but w kuchi we have this ritual of going out to eat every friday and after we get together that doesn’t change!!! if we’re feeling extra lazy we might order takeout but we always always spend our friday nights together... it’s def smth we look forward to even Before we start dating (and it’s smth we both wonder Why we anticipate before we get tgt)

in terms of a date spot? we have our favorite places (like the ramen joint i mentioned in 24) but other than that maybe a few other restaurants and that’s kinda it! our other dates are the occasional study date but i cannot study when he’s around,, just looking at his face pisses me off 😃 nah but we can’t focus on school together + we’d get heated over a meaningless argument and get kicked out NDNSJSJ

when we get domestic w each other (like in uni or beyond) kuroo and i have all our dates at the grocery store... idk abt you but the INTIMACY of buying groceries w someone you love is so [clenches fist] yk?? but before and sometimes after that point rlly it’s like Things To See and Things To Do whenever kuroo puts himself in charge of planning it bc he knows we both like to be engaged and have fun!! (i alr said it but our date spot is the grocery store <3)

4. what kind of date do you think the both of you would enjoy the most? why?

that’s a very good question... i mentioned it alr but kuroo and i vibe heavy w things that are engaging and give us things to talk about while we keep busy,, like maybe an amusement park or smth w all the rides (we’re definitely spinning the shit out of the teacups) mostly bc i think he likes being kept on his toes and i do too! i think we’d challenge each other to do better by setting an example for the other to follow just in general,, also ngl places w a lot of ppl are good too so we can peoplewatch,, the two of us are the type to read people with a glance and when we need downtime we’d sit down somewhere and just kinda . 👁👁 yk

“i might barf,” i announce, gait crooked from the dizzying ride.

“no, you won’t,” kuroo replies, allowing me to drape myself over him though he’s not walking straight either. “didn’t you hear? vomitting is banned in this country and thirteen others.”

“a shame. anyway, let’s go on the pirate ship ride next.”

(we sit at the outer edge. it’s not a good time for the folks in the two seats in front of us. we wipe our vomit—mostly my vomit—from the corners of our mouths and apologize profusely.)

when it comes to kuchi, i think he’d like smth where we would end up competing against each other! i mentioned this when i answered question 50, but kenji and i are almost TOO competitive over stupid shit so smth like laser tag (where everyone is like ... why don’t you want to work together aren’t you DATING) would be SO fucking fun

“it’s not too late to surrender,” he simpers, my body sandwiched between his and the wall. my gun’s been knocked out of my hand—that’s gotta be against the fucking rules—and part of me feels like i’m on a real battlefield, as fleeting the thought is. “some battles, you just can’t win.” he punctuates this statement with a sage nod, leaning so close his breath fans against my face. “so, what’ll it be?”

i close the gap, pressing my lips against his and relishing in the strangled groan that comes from the back of his throat as he reciprocates, free hand moving to the nape of my neck. the hand holding the gun drops. that’s all the opening i need.

i let him deepen the kiss, take his bottom lip between my teeth and gently tug as my hands reach for his gun while his brain is still between his legs.

aim. fire.

i’m the last one standing, and the lights turn on around us. “it’s always good to have goals,” i tell him, granting him a consolation peck to the lips. “but i suggest making them more realistic next time.”

9. what do you think your first impression of them would be?

now THIS is a question i knew the answer to going in bc my best friend (honestly she doesn’t get paid enough ,, or at all ,, for all the shit she has to put up w from me NDNSKSK) had to hear all abt my elaborate fantasies regarding these two but!!

my first impression of kuroo is 1) 😳😳 and more importantly, 2) I Want To Know What He’s About... bc he’s not the kind of person i’d get the full picture of w just one look and maybe a few words spoken? he’d pique my interest a LOT (and this is smth he shares w tsukishima, tho i don’t see myself in a long lasting relationship w him like i do w kuroo and kuchi!) and i’d end up worming my way into his life whether he likes it or not until i find out :-)

unlike kuroo i see kenji and go Wow. What An Asshole. ok no i don’t NDNSJSN i probably think he’s cute first THEN go what an asshole and there’s definitely a long period of time where we’re genuinely getting on each other’s nerves before it goes into the romantic relationship-adjacent dynamic you see in my answer to 24!

10. what do you think their first impression of you would be?

kuroo’s definitely curious. i don’t imagine him being unable to see thru me from the start but i prove myself to be Good Conversation so he’s fine (and ends up being more than fine) with me bothering him as much as i do. kenji probably sees me the way i think most people see me at first? very soft and sweet ,, and then he tries to rile me up, tries to test the waters and pretty quickly finds out that right under the nice girl is someone that won’t hesitate to mirror the shit he tries to dish out.

(again) 24. would you confess first or would they? how would it have gone?

i saw you said in the tags you wanted to see the kuroo one so here it is 🤝 i had all my fun writing kenji’s so this one is shorter than that but!!!

NDNSNSN anyway !!! with kuroo it’s kinda 50/50 bc i’m not shy when it comes to my feelings but at the same time i like to have the lowest chances possible for failure when it comes to things like this... but i simp SO heavy for him so lbr it’ll prob be me just bc i literally Cannot pretend that my intentions are platonic anymore and he’s not gonna do it first (later i find out he was trying to see how long he could go before one of us mentioned the elephant in the room)

(5:38 PM) me: anyway for the weekly song rec

(5:38 PM) me: khalid ft. john mayer - outta my head

(5:39 PM) me: specifically 1:16-1:25 :-)

the messages have sent before i can think twice or even consult anyone about it. there’s a beat of silence. then two. then three. i throw my phone down onto the bed as it bounces off the mattress and onto the carpet.

what the fuck!!!!!! bitch why did you do that!!!!!!!

there’s no taking it back now. he reads it ten minutes after it sends (not like anyone’s checking, that would be preposterous). the picture i took of him mid-sneeze two months ago lights up the screen, a facetime call from shithead 👺 bringing me to yet another crossroads. do i answer it and face the music (literally), or do i pretend to have been busy and act as though i didn’t just confess to one of my best friends through text and with music, of all things?

i pick up the call.

“i liked the song,” he says as soon as the call opens, “though i can’t help but wonder if there was a hidden meaning to it.”

“and if i told you there was?”

“well,” he replies, sounding a little out of breath (where is he?), “i’d tell you to open your door because i’m outside.”

true enough, when i race downstairs and open the door, he’s waiting for me. “and if i told you that was my way of asking you to be my boyfriend?”

“well, i think i’d want to ask if i could kiss you. assuming, of course, it was alright to do something like that so soon-“

he doesn’t finish his sentence. his lips are a little bit chapped, but pleasant nonetheless, and i tuck the newfound fact away in my file of things i know about kuroo tetsurou.

(for reference, the song lyrics for the part i mention are can you feel the tension / you’ve got my attention / i know we’re just friends but / i’d rather be together instead)

#💘 selfship #also both ari and my real name are Not good names to make ship names out of but????#and its not like kuchi and kuroo are ideal for ship names either so im rlly at a loss NSNDJSJ #excuse how Long it took me to answer this i had to go to work before i could even brainstorm 😔#nd yes...if i ask a man for music recs im 90% up to smth i Admit #BYE I PROMISE I LOVE KUROO LIKE IM IN LOVE WITH HIM BUT THE FUTAKUCHI BRAINROT... SO STRONG #fun fact i actually asked someone out using the song i mention in kuroos confession scene 😃#this is also called ari overuses the italics function 😃#anyway im sure im forgetting to say a lot of shit but ill cross that bridge when i get there :-)#thank you again for asking raenah NDNSMSM #also after having given it some Thought i think kuri would be half decent for kuroo??#for futakuchi ... god i hate this slimy bastard i can’t think #maybe chika w the ka coming from my real name 👁#i’ve never been huge on portmanteau names but . if i had to pick i would choose those

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squishymochisoo · 5 years

Text

more than a voice || hwang hyunjin

bulleted scenario

genre: fluff, teeny weeny angst, college au

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader

sypnosis: you, a mute piano major, would have never thought that hwang hyunjin, a dance major, would even look your way

~ ~ ~

• you’re a piano major — bUT the one thing that differentiated you and the others in your school was that

• you’re mute

•basicALLY one day after school hyunjin — dance major —was walking down the down the halls

•and just heard this BEAUTIFUL melody of the piano and was like freaking inspired by it

•it was like perfect for an dance assignment he had

• “uh hey” hyunjin voiced behind you as you were deep into playing,, he didn’t know youre name and has never seen you around

• i mean of course you didn’t turn around (cuz you didn’t hear him )

•he tapped your shoulder and you instantly turned

•your eyes widened

•i mEAN THAT PERFECT POPULAR STUDENT is right in FRONT OF YOU???

• “uh...h”

• honestly hyunjin forgot what he wanted to say when he saw your eyes

•he was like lost in them

• (CUTE THIS IS CUTE)

• and silence followed right after

•you stood up bowing as if to apologize

• basically you thought that he wanted the piano in the practice room (you are an AWKWARD BEAN!!)

• ,,, grabbing your bag and the hastily clumped the music scores (u were in the middle of writing a piece) together and like walked out the door briskly

• hyunjin stared after you before realizing you left one music sheet behind

• ‘fuck i forgot to get their name??? good going hyunjin??’

• THE NEXT DAY,,, he’d ask his group of friends if they knew you

•of course everyone was like ????

•partly because of hyunjin’s shit description of you

• “of you know that student that plays the piano in practice room 3”

• his friends are liKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME THERE ARE LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WHO PLaYED THE PIANO

• hyunjin would roll his eyes he knew his friends was gonna be rEALLY unhelpful

• he took out the music sheet you left behind,,, scribbles of notes surrounded the paper

• “oh? isn’t that y/n’s???”

•seungmin recognized your handwriting anywhere

• seungmin and you were friends

• one day you were playing the piano and seungmin complimented you and suddenly

•y’all friends

•he couldn’t speak sign but you could communicate just fine with him

•he always helped you when you were in need of a second opinion when you’re writing a piece

• “wHERE CNA I FIND THEM”

• desperation dripping from hyunjin’s voice

• “uhh they’re always at practice room 3 after class”

• “okAY BYE”

•seungmin didn’t even have time to tell him that youre mute

•this time hyunjin was already waiting in the practice room before you came in

•you’re like wtf??? when you saw him sitting in front of the piano

•hyunjin giggled at your look of shock and waved the music sheet you left behind in front of you

•you took back the sheet of paper and smiling lightly ask if to say thank you

• hyunjin njij thought you were just shy ( and was not comfortable with talking to strangers)

• you put your thing down and sat infront of the piano

•in your head you were still “what IS HE DOING HERE,,, like it was THE HYUNJIN ya know

• hyunjin took a chair and gestured as if asking permission to sit next to you

•you nodded ( just a little freaking shocked but okay)

• (ngl your eyes travelled down to his cute nose and his pouty lips for a little while)

• hyunjin stared at you as you started playing jotting down new notes

•liTERAL HEART EYES HONESTLY uwuuwu

• he smiled as you would tilt your head when you were stuck not knowing how to write the next bar

• after 15 minutes he fINALLY tapped your shoulders

•uhhhhh hi i’m hyunjin”

• kay you were like ??? cause it was been almost 20 minutes and he’s just introducing himself

• unbeknownst to you hyunjin’s mind was like a MESS during the past 20mins

• he wanted to talk to you but like hoW?

•plus he didn’t want to interrupt your bEAUTIFUL PLAYING

• you smiled before picking up your pencil and writing your name on the side of music sheet

• y/n

• hyunjin stared at you a little

• “o-oh.. you’re mute?”

• you gave him a tight smile and nodded

• ofc he was just reacting like everyone else uGH

• hyunjin saw yr reaction and was like nO NO NO

• he didn’t mean it that way he was like shocked ya know

• (cause he thought you were just shy)

• silence followed again

• hyunjin was mentaly encouraging himself to continue the conversation

• ‘c’MON HYUNJIN YOU CAN DO THIs’

• “uh...u..h would you like to perform with me?”

•your eyes went WIDE like whATT???

• is this kid srs right now?? you??

• “yesterday when i came in — the piece yoh were playing was amazing and i’d be so happy if you’d let me dance to it while you play”

•hyunJIN WAS SO SHY BUT LIKE HE WANTED TO PERFORM YOU

•ESPECIALLY AFT SEEING YOU WRITE YOUR PIECES WITH SUCH PASSION FOR MUSIC AND LIKE WOW

•wOW JUST WOW

•and well you agreed

• that’s how your friendship started

•it was hard to communicate at first bUT

•you didn’t know that hyunjin was learning sign languGe

•he wanted to mKe sure that you’re comfortable when talking to him

•( since you had to write everythign down,,)

•one day he invited you to eat with his griup of friends

•”well GUESS YOU DONT NEED ME ANYMORE HMPH”

•seungmin pouted 😤😤

•”y/n wont need you anymore when she has me!” hyunjin declared

•your heart sped up a little JUST A LITTLE

•the other laughed and teased hyunjin

• “oooOOOOHHH HYUNJIN”

•the two of you practiced really hard everyday after school

• you finishing up the last details of the piece and hyunjin choreograhping a dance

• yall spent so much time tgt that he knew your habits

•you’d bit your nails when you’re nervous or anxious

•the hyunjin’s assignment dateline was two weeks away and well yall were prepared and READY

•so instead of practicing everyday

•yall just hanging out tgt in prac room 3

• let’s be real hyunjin wasn’t discreet with his feelings for you but he wasn’t SO open abt it either

•it’s usually a “you look so beautiful today” or “i can’t stop staring at you”

•i mean like HOW BLIND ARE YOU

• you’re not so experienced in the relationship area

• so you’re like is he flirting with me???

• one day hyunjin found you crying in prac rm 3 aft school

•you weren’t bawling just sobbing — as if not to let anybody hear you cry

•it was because of your previous class!

• you were critized that your playing was emotionless almost robotic and that another piece you wrote for an assignment was shIT

•not to mention someone also said as you passed by

• “they’re just a mute,,, why are they here,,, tch not even talented”

• you felt untalented you felt like you didn’t belong here

• but you couldn’t explain it to hyunjin

• were you supposed to stop crying to write it down????

• hyunjin hugged you

• and comforted you “it’s okay you can cry on me”

• “you dont need to tell me “

• you glanced at him as the both of you sat close to each other — tights touching

• you sniffled

• he gave you an encouraging smile before signing

• tell me

• waIT SIGNED

• he SIGNED TO YOU

•wtf??!!? were you dreaming?? how?? when???

• your stAte of shock subsided and you signed to him — telling him everything that was bothering you

• hyunjin’s smile dropped — his eyes glassy,,, from seeing you almost tear up again

•he NEVER wanted to see you cry ever again!!!

•you are so talented please don’t—

• he stopped

• you could see the gears in his brain working not knowing the word ‘listen’ in sign

• you giggled as your arms went around him

• “you’re so talented. don’t let anybody tell you that you’re not. the nxt time somebody says that i’ll beat them up i promise” 👊👊

•you sniffled in his shirt

• “i also promise to study sign even harder “

• you didn’t manage to tell him but you were fucking TOUCHED

•never has anyone picked up sign for you

•you felt special

• you felt loved

• “and before i forget” hyunjin muttered,, his face pressed on the top of your head as he pecked it

• he let go of you

• and signed

• i love you

|||

my first try @ bulleted scenarios???? i wanted to write then i got lazy but i love and am invested in this plot line so i did a bullet scenario lmaoooo

but let me know if you like it and want more of this kind of writing??? also not beta’d cause i lazy

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cow5secondchance · 3 years

Text

Episode 5 - What If I Say My Name Is Lorde - Captain

Format: The Greenhouse

Eliminated: Blake (Venus Flytrap)

CAPTAIN

waking up to read that there is a tie between my bestie, mario and kaleigh and that i was the original target <3 see. i told yall when every time someone said i'm safe, i'm not. and now i'm pissed so i'm gonna just copy everything i wrote in my confessional here. THEY FUCKING WANTED ME OUT FIRST THEN THEY SWITCHED TO JENNET u see that?? u see how they’re scared of two pocs besties working tgt they told jennet they’re not on my priority list well stop dming me while i sleep maybe fuckers? these whites are fucking fake and so self-centered do i need to beg every white american to talk to me at 3am my time? girl no yea they wanted to target me at first because blake must think he’s not on my priority list for sure self-centered gay u’d love to see it huh i’m gonna venus flytrap that white ass

i mean i'm happy i survived but it won't be the same without my bestie jennet. we've been wanting to play together and our time was cut short because some white gays are so insecure and self-centered? so they decided to go for pocs? cute look on you babes.

#JusticeForJENNET https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/831702842733232148/842243242359128084/goodbye_bestie.mp4

XAVIER

We could have handled last round better

youtube

CAPTAIN

blake is why people are homophobic. period.

lots of details in my DR in the server i couldn't bring myself to do another entry because i was confused about all that "talk" but to sum up, nicole told me everything and blake told me everything too. he straight went up to me and said sorry i said ur name :why: and because i didn't tell me what went on (because i forgot.. like i don't think about this game all day. i also have something to do in my life) and i didn't tell him that i was in another alliance. as if he would tell me like PLS. ur just so entitled.

XAVIER

Blake has been going to us (Greenhouse) apologizing for his words during the call. I think Blake is scrambling. It is too much for just one sentence said during the call. Overcompensating, I think. Now Captain wants to target Nicole and Blake. Jarod wants to target Lindsay and William. I like Jarod, but he definitely is playing two sides now. Being on our (Greenhouse) side, but also on the side of Jarod-Blake-Autumn (though not too sure anymore how strong Autumn is with that trio). Captain wants to try a POC alliance. If Autumn is open, and if Jennet or Mario are the ones who come back from the buy back, that might actually work. And it would be very cool to see that happen.

JAROD

youtube

LORDE

what if i say that my name is lorde and my secret word is captain.. lets just do that

CAPTAIN

daisy and lanie coming back... hmm idk we're still need to wait and see if they want to work with me or not. i didn't do anything wrong to daisy so she might want to work with me. lanie tho, i voted her out but i literally explained everything that went down that round to her and threw will under the bus a bit. but will she want to work with me? idk. and i know blake is gunning for a flytrap so i need to get it or he'll flytrap my asian ass.

AUTUMN

youtube

CAPTAIN

okay lanie told me that she told william she didn't wanna do me in the first vote but of course, i didn't get told that. and it made sense cause like lanie played with me so she should know that our timezones are different and it is hard for me to talk to ppl when i go to bed. we'll see how it goes.

XAVIER

So I checked out early last night because I wanted to watch Ragnarok on Netflix and didn't want to keep checking my phone. I thought when today came around, there would be more people who have played. Um... just one other? 2 rounds? And no one online to play? I tried approaching Kaleigh and Lindsay but no response yet. I guess no one wants to look like they want it too much? But hello, we are in a game, of course everyone wants it. There are a lot of, let's just see what happens, instead of going for it. Maybe the VFT plays into that because it is in play as both Captain and Blake want it. And my fear is if I make it in the GH, nom Blake, he gets the VFT and use it on me again. Ha ha what a trip if that happens.

So I wasn't going to play but Nyx messaged and said they wanted to play. But they wanted to rig it. I didn't want to, I want a chance to win of course. And I did :) Hope they aren't too bummed about it. I am in the GH I think, with at least 3 (Nyx beat Lanie) points. I know Jarod is in there too by beating Daisy.

Two Greenhouses in a row, but hope history doesn't repeat!

youtube

CAPTAIN

last night before i went to sleep, i thought to myself what if i get the one that nom ppl and the nominee will get a seed to nom me so i could get another seed. then, i went to bed thinking it might be a bit too much. but BOOM, i woke up today and saw jarod have this same plan so that's good. we communicate telepathically it seems. i just need to win the seed count comp and get 2 more seeds but like idk about my puzzle ability GRRRR!! but i'll try my best. i just wanna get the flytrap before i get flytrap'ed out.

LORDE

i'm cosplaying as lorde again and lorde wishes captain a successful bidding tmr

CAPTAIN

yall idk if my puzzle time would be good enough to win seeds and i just found out william has 0 seed

LANIE

IM BACK IN THE GAME AND WE’RE IN A GREENHOUSE ROUND! BRO GREENHOUSE IS MY SHIT it’s such a good format ahhh. None of these hoes know the greenhouse like I do honey. I’ve played it like 18 times.... probably the most out of everyone.. and IM A HOST OF THE ORG PLZ AND IM PLAYING AN IRL GREENHOUSE WITH TAYLOR ON THE 29TH AHH But on a serious note, I’m back in the game and I don’t trust ANYONE on my tribe that voted me out, especially my love William. Love him as a person but I’m gonna get him in this game at some point, you wait and see! He just agreed to throw the RPS challenge to make up for voting me out but HONEY IT’S NOT ENOUGH LMAO. He’s probably on the bottom of my trust list. At this point in time, I trust Jarod, Daisy, Lindsey, Captain, and Blake (even though the last two voted me off, but they were told convoluted information so I don’t blame them). I will work with Nyx but I don’t trust Nyx as much as I would like. I want to talk to Kaleigh more, and idk Xavier well but we’ll talk I’m sure. For this greenhouse round, Jarod is sunflower meaning he can put up TWO houseguests. HES PUTTING UP CAPTAIN AND I! But this is a strategy. There’s a power called the Flytrap, which the holder can use to take out any single person that they want. Captain has enough seeds to buy the flytrap, but so does Blake. WHOEVER WINS THE FLYTRAP WILL LIKELY LEAVE ME SAFE because I trust both Blake and Captain. People are gonna see Jarod put up two allies and flip their shit, but trust that this is all in typical Greenhouse strategy hehehe.

CAPTAIN

yes its time for an update! a lot has happened since yesterday... so lets begin with last night, i went to sleep and had the auction in my mind SDFSDFSD i actually woke up before my alarm went off like twice. the first time, i woke up and checked my phone.. it was like 7am and then i went to bed and i dreamed that the auction was already over and i missed everything DSFDFSDFSDF PLEASE! so i woke up right after and phew it was only 8.15am methinks so like 45 more minutes.. anyways!!! blake dm'ed me before the bidding and told me he would go for a flytrap... i mean i know that already and he said he wanted it because its been on his mind. PLEASE its been haunting me since last season.. and i didn't reply to him but i was talking to lanie about seeds too and i think lanie told blake i asked her for seeds? so blake came to me again and said 'Not you asking people for seeds' or something. like mister. and what about it? lanie knew about my plan of getting the flytrap and u just didn't know about it. so just sit down and relax god damn. oh and i found out will won the seed comp which was a no no cause will would give his seeds to blake for sure. and before the auction began, i think blake would have like 15 seeds? but he actually had 18 seeds. i was so lucky i outbid him. whew. and like he told me he had only 2 ppl giving him seeds while everyone prob gave me their seeds. and um? what about it? do i need to feel bad for you when you literally targeted me last round? white twink tears i guess. he tried to get me to promise that i won't flytrap him out but i haven't promised him. i said i'm down but its not a promise right? so yea i would flytrap him out. while lanie is in my dm like don't flytrap blake she loves him. MISS THING. I JUST TOLD YOU HE TARGETED ME LAST ROUND???? like god.

hey i'm back!! i know that blake would prob give someone his seeds that he has so we have to be careful about that in next week. imma need to try to win the greenhouse comp. fingers crossed for me tho besties. this is for jennet. everything i do in this game is gonna be for jennet. no one can mess with my sister/bestie. and once you do that, you just cross the line.

i'm sorry if i come off a bit aggressive.. i don't wanna be that but you know theres something about white men that is wrong.

heyyy god i'm just so proud with myself. i actually outdid myself and i just wanna go further than this. i wanna beat my old placement.

DAISY

youtube

CAPTAIN

missing jennet hours

#cowsecondchance #episodes

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mbleastbigbang · 7 years

Text

my thoughts after Produce 101 S2 Ep 10...

So I’ve been having a lot of thoughts for a few weeks now and I think it’s about time I wrote them out in one post instead of tweeting some here and there hahahaha. Please keep in mind that these are MY OPINIONS and if you don’t agree with them, just be on your way.

1. Jaehwan and Sewoon needs to be in Top 11

They are personally my two favourite vocals of the entire season, and i really can’t choose one over the other because their vocals are just of such different styles but yet they sound so good together (if you have yet to see how well they sound tgt: https://twitter.com/guanlinging/status/873133286477897728) And they’re also such good vocals?? Like it doesn’t make sense for them to not debut??? I just need King Jaehwan and Ponyo in the same group okay pls

2. Ha Sungwoon

Now, this boy can sing, i’ll give him that. But i don’t think he’ll be able to fit in with a group of 11 people, especially since his voice is on the unique side. And now that Taehyun has been eliminated too, i’d rather they both go back to Hotshot, their company give them a good song, and they make a comeback. We’ve all seen the responses of the Korean public when a few members of IOI took a break and went to make their own group debuts/comeback. So if Hotshot isn’t going to disband (which i think they really shouldn’t because that’d be a really dumb move), Sungwoon and Taehyun’s newfound popularity will be able to help the group gain more attention and get them on the radar. I also really like Taehyun and really want to see him on stage performing again. I just think this is better for the bigger picture, considering they have other members who are assumably on hiatus right now? Which kinda brings me to my next point.

3. MMO boys

I love the MMO boys, Kang Daniel is my #1 and i love jisung and jinwoo too. Not to forget Jaehan and Taewoong ofc. So. Up till this ep i was pretty convinced that Jisung wouldn’t be able to get into the final 11. And if touchwood that does happen, I would honestly really rather Daniel not debut with the final 11 and MMO can debut all the boys tgt in another group. I say this because Jisung is 26 years old. Another trainee who’s of the same age, Jung Dongsu, was eliminated in the previous round and said that it was his last shot at debuting (presumably because of his age, because at 26 you really need to start planning for a stable future, and if you still can’t debut then it’s time you change a career path). IF (touchwoodtouchwood) Jisung doesn’t manage to debut with the final 11, and Daniel gets in, god knows what MMO’s gonna do with him. As of now it’s said that the final 11 will promote for 18 months, and by then Jisung would be 27, Jinwoo 25, Taewoong 24, Jaehan 23. Jisung is really talented and i really want to see him debut, especially with the other MMO boys. I’m aware that many kfans aren’t happy with MMO as an agency, so all i can do is pray that Daniel and Jisung both get to debut with the final 11 and after that, MMO will debut them in their own boy group with Jinwoo, Taewoong and Jaehan.

I’d like to say that my logic for thinking this way is that, the whole point of Produce 101 as a programme is to raise awareness of all these trainees. This situation is kind of like with Eunbin from Season 1, where Cube announced that she’ll be joining CLC and therefore fans decided not to vote for her to debut with IOI. When she made her debut with CLC’s comeback, there were more people interested in them. Daniel and Jisung have more than raised awareness for themselves, and even Jinwoo has a quite a few fans. I just think that if MMO were to debut the 5 of them (maybe with other trainees not on the show?) it’ll be able to work out well too. Maybe not as well as with the male IOI, but considering the other members’ situations, this to me is the best way out.

4. My Ideal Top 11

is the Hands On Me team minus haknyeon and jinyoung plus jonghyun and daehwi and samuel. My stream was lagging during the part where they were choosing their positions so when it finally settled down i realised that most of favs were in that group and i was so happy hehehe.

I had more thoughts that i wanted to talk about, but this episode satisfied me immensely and a lot of the things i had complaints about are now gone. If any of you would like me to make a post about that anyways then i will, but for now i don’t see a need to speak about those.

Feel free to leave me an ask about any of your opinions (please be respectful, we’re all here to support our favs so let’s be nice about it), I’d love to discuss more~~

#haven't written in so long wow #produce 101 #produce101 #kang daniel #yoon jisung #mmo boys #mmo #MY THOUGHTS #MY OPINIONS #pd101ep10 #kim jaehwan #jung sewoon #ha sungwoon #noh taehyun

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blissful-reveries · 7 years

Text

MY EXPERIENCE AT EXO’RODIUM!!!

I CANT BELIEVE I GOT TO SEE MY KINGS AGAIN TT IM SO EMOTIONAL EVEN THOUGH ITS BEEN 2 DAYS SINCE THE CONCERT - EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT IT I JUST GET ALL GIDDY AND EXCITED AGAIN :D Here is my post on my experience at exo’rdium last night (fyi I wrote this on the night when i came back at like 2am LOL) its HECKA long post.... without further ado, here is MY EXPERIENCE AT EXORDIUM ^^

EXO’RDIUM 02.11.17

TODAY WAS FKING EXO’RDIUM HK AHHHHHHHHHHHH IM SO SHOOK HOLY I CAN NOT EVEN. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN OMFG I- I can barely wrap my head around the fact that (YET AGAIN) EXO was in the same building as me, less than 10m away, LIVING, BREATHING IN THE FLESH EXO. LIKE THEY’RE REAL. NOT JUST PIXELS ON MY LAPTOP SCREEN- I JUST CANT. I STILL CANT. okok so to start, for this EXO concert, I wasn’t able to get standing tickets like I did for EXO’LUXION (when i was lucky enough to have FRONT ROW JEAAAASUUSS), but I was HUGELY and pleasantly surprised that our seats (Block 5, Row 6) WAS ACTUALLY SO CLOSE TO THE STAGE. LIKE I COULD SEE THE ENTIRE STAGE + EXTENDED STAGE, AND IF I USED MY CAMERA TO FILM, I COULD SEE THEIR FACES. So that was a huge plus as soon as we got into the arena. When the concert started, a VCR was shown - about how EXO was the saviours of the world (when are they not tho tbvh HAHA) from danger and etc. the screaming was seriously unreal - like when every member came up on the VCR… #impressed. Then, they started the concert with MAMA and can we just- MAJOR THROWBACK TO FETUS EXO DAYS??? LIKE THIS SONG TRIGGERS SO MANY MEMORIES IM NOT EVEN OKAY RN. also can we just - can SM please release the remix version of MAMA CUZ I WOULD GET IT IN A HEARTBEAT <3 Then without giving our poor hearts a second to rest, they jumped right into mONSTER!!!! IM WAS NOT READY FOR IT AND THEY JUST THREW IT AT ME WHAT. It was amazing as expected, the choreo and everything omfg.. it was LEGIT like copy and paste… AND CAN WE TAKE A MOMENTbc JONGDAE FREAKING BLEW THAT HIGH NOTE AWAY. wait where was that high note? BLEW AWAY BY JONGDAE’S GORGEOUS VOCALS THATS WHERE.

THEN yet another throwback, they performed wolf :’) it been so long since they performed it and omg It was beautiful. The tree added with projections, and it was a remix version which meant DANCE BREAK!!!!! Seriously it was SO SO GOOD like they added projections so that it seemed like they were entering and exiting the tree behind (LOOK IDK IF THAT MAKES SENSE BUT THATS WHAT HAPPENED OK). and it was just so perfect… perfect way to bring back the song.

THEN they finally took a break and did their first ment. can i just pause for a sec and mention how much i freaking love their black blouses? like the ones with the cuts. THEY’RE GORGEOUS AND THEY WEAR THEM SO WELL TT… Kyungsoo, suho and baek all mentioned that they’re going to comeback soon so to give them lots and lots of support (YES BC EXOLS PULL THRU). Sehun and his mandarin came through as expected HAHA and it was so cute - cuz he kept saying things like “are you enjoying yourselves?” “Did you miss us?” my hubby you go! Yixing greeted us in cantonese and it was so cute XD his voice when he speaks canto is the cUTEST THING EVER. i wanna wrap him up and bring him back home.. he started talking in canto about wanting us to support his film, but then paused to think - then after like 5 seconds, gave up and spoke in mandarin instead AHAHA XINGXING YOU CUTIE OMG. SPEAKING OF YIXING THO — Originally I didn’t know if he was going to attend this concert or not, because he’s been away for filming at guangzhou for the past couple of weeks, there’s hardly been any news of him so i wasn’t sure… BUT I WAS SO FLIPPIN HAPPY WHEN I SAW HIM COME OUT. FIRST THOUGHTS: DAMN SON YOU SLAY EVERYTHING. SECOND THOUGHT: his hair was really long HAHAHAH XD STILL SLAYING THE HANDSOME GAME THO. Suho kept mentioning that coming to HK always leaves good memories for him, and mentioned the EXO daesang win during MAMA AND THE CROWD WENT WILD ;D You know how much we support y’all.

Afterwards, they performed WHITE NOISE AND I WAS SO SURPRISED BC I HAD NO IDEA THEY WERE GONNA DO THIS SONG — i made myself not watch any prior concert vids bc i wanted this to be complete surprise and HECK YEAH I WAS SURPRISED. It was a new dance and everything it was so fresh :’))) there were some body rolls here and there, and overall it was a lot more toned down than artificial love oH GOD ARTIFICIAL LOVE JUST WAIT HOLY. Middle of white noise they went to the centre hexagon and danced, but then out of nowhere WATER START POURING FROM THE TOP DOWN LIKE WHATTTTT THEN THEY STARTED DANCING IN THE POURING WATER LIKE ALL WET AND EVERYTHING X_X i was so so so happy bc sehun was always on my side of the stage so i was able to see and film him well <3 his dancing is en pointe as usual heh #proudwifey

THEN JESUS SAVE ME THEY PERFORMED THUNDER <3 <3 <3 AND SEHUN OWNED THAT STAGE LIKE IT WAS NOBODY’S BUSINESS He was on the center extended part, and damn like the stage should have been called FIRE, CUZ IT WAS LIT. Yixing and Jongin as always slayed the game too and the VOCALS FOR THIS WAS SO GREAT OMG LIKE IT WAS LIKE PERFECT :’)) also. jongin was being a huge TEASE bc he kept smirking and smiling while dancing :((( HAHA but it was lovely and made my heart thump <3

then they did playboy. rmb when playboy used to be the most sexual dance in their concert? YEAH NO JUST WATCH ARTIFICIAL LOVE HOLY i need to cleanse my eyes…. ANYWAY BEFORE THAT— this time playboy was done a bit differently, sekai wasn’t paired tgt, as pcy and osh were tgt, and kai had his own rising stage fanncaayy B) OH AND SIDE NOTE: I LOVE their laced up pants too..its very pretty and... its very tight LMAO gives me pirate vibes lol. i loved it bc the boys were all just having a TON of fun - like they came in yesterday night, and performed today thats just amazing if i compare that to the amount of energy they had today. THEY WERE LIKE HIGH OR SMTH SO CRAZY XD AND HYPER <3 but it was like a giant party so WOO!! Suho and chen went out to the farthest extended stage which meant I could see their features and OMG PRINCE SUHO ATTACKS AGAIN BC HE NEVER FAILS TO FAZE ME AT HOW BEAUTIFUL HE IS IRL. He’s like a LEGIT god descending from heaven…. <3 Chanyeol went to the hexagonal extended stage and did a solo dance there - it was beautiful :’) and YIXING was in the center extended just having a blast body rolling, pelvis thrusting JEEEEZ i need holy water.

JESUS NO ITS HERE. I CANT. IT WAS ARTIFICIAL LOVE NOW. omg i can’t even bare to talk about it I WAS SO….AHHHHH I CANT EXPLAIN OMG. i felt strange LMAO ok so right after playboy WHICH WAS ALREADY MILDY SEXY, they grabbed the canes from the side of the stage and as soon as the music came up i was like UH OH HERE IT COMES… and KAI WAS ON THE HEXAGONAL STAGE (yes im referring to him as kAI BECAUSE BABY NINI WOULD NEVER DO THAT)- AND OH JESUS IT WAS SUCH A SHOCKING MOMENT WHEN HE… UM.. GRINDED ON THE CANE?? GOSH EVEN TYPING IT MAKES ME FEEL DIRTY LMFAO I couldn’t even bring myself to film it bc i jUST CANT???? then, when switched positions, baekhyun was now where kai was, and another chorus came along which meant another grinding session (pls save me). When I watched baekhyun’s one i was ready to keep my eyes closed bc puppy baek grinding? it would destroy my image of him forever… BUT!! he was actually very reserved HAHAH XD i think it was just yixing, and kai who like 150% WENT FOR IT. ground like there was no tomorrow LMAO. so yeah long song short, KAI’S SEX APPEAL BROKE THE ROOF, and baekhyun was still a cutie BAHAHA XDD and then it was KAIXING duet dance break during artificial love with the BLINDFOLDS OMG SO SEXY HOLYY my poor heart :((

OMG AND UNFAIR!!!! I love the stage for unfair its so cute and unique, squishy kyungsoo popped out of a tv and a chair (oh i wish that were reality), just the entire performance aspect of it was top notch and so cute. After unfair, it was a short ment where exo all sat on the steps of the stage, and yixing and pcy sat on both ends holding guitars. WHICH MEANT ACOUSTIC MEDLEY TIME!!!! Yixing gave a short introduction about the medley (it was so nice to hear his voice after such a long time not hearing it) and then demo-ed the guitar by playing a little impromptu melody — reminds me of just how much of a genius zhang yixing is *heart eyes*. Chanyeol also did a quick demo and same thing goes for him.. how do they self learn things so well :((the first song that they sang in the acoustic medley was My Lady and I FLIPPED OUT BC IT WAS KYUNGSOO AND IT WAS R&B MY TWO FAV COMBOS <3 It was so nice to just sit and listen to their live vocals - and this really goes to show how much talent there is in exo. whoever disagrees should sit in one concert and just LISTEN TO THEIR FLAWLESS VOCALS. like seriously, there was no out of pitch moments (- wAIT AHHA THIS REMINDS ME OF SOMETHING FUNNY PCY DID). OKOK SO BASICALLY near the end of the medley, (I CANT RMB WHICH ACOUSTIC IT WAS RN BUT-) it was supposed to be baekhyun’s line but kyungsoo held his mic towards Chanyeol’s mouth (he was preoccupied with guitar playing) to prompt him to sing. PCY did sing baek’s line, but his voice cracked BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH XD AND THE FUNNIEST THING WAS: HE MADE THIS REALLY CUTE SHOCKED FACE WHEN IT HAPPENED AND TOUCHED HIS THROAT THEN SHOOK HIS HEAD. NAWWWWWWW <3 adorbs… in the acoustic, they covered so many songs - CMB (WHICH JONGIN SANG BEAUTIFULLY OMG), My turn to cry, lady luck… just some i could rmb off the top of my head rn at 2:17 am HAHA.. then at the very end, yixing sang an acoustic version of Monodrama - and the lyrics were on the screen so the entire crowd sang along-it was beautiful <3 <3 <3 - at the end, yixing looked really sheepish, and grabbed the mic saying, “i’m so sorry, i sang the demo version’s lyrics so I didn’t sing the right words heh” and then pcy BEING THE MEDIATOR HE IS, was like “eyyyyy they probably didn’t even hear the difference- did you guys hear the difference???” and obvs we screamed NO!!!! and then that made xingxing look even more sheepish SO SO CUTE X) the entire thing just sounded and felt like a warm campfire get together with exo ls and exo <3 it was heartwarming and beautiful and I’m so glad that they added this segment.

and then they did lady luck again- this time not acoustic, but the dance and song version and kyungsoo. just. his voice. like. it melted the entire arena down. his projections were all so stable it sounded like the studio recorded version :’))) they danced on rising stages and everything was just so aesthetically perfect.. If i’m being completely honest, this time around, I was putting my focus deliberately more on sehun because i remember last year during exoluxion when i was front row, i could only really focus on whoever was in front of my area of the stage, which meant i missed a lot of sehun when he performed :( so i made the decision to FEED MY EYES AND HEART fully of sehun this time as last time, i was kyungsoo came to the front a lot and i kyungsoo’s vocals and dance fed me fully hehe (ohhh good times :’)) so yeah i wanted to say that kyungsoo’s vocals blew me away here because his LIVES ARE ACTUALLY PERFECT???how. haha bc his voice is made of honey chocolate <3

they performed TENDER LOVE next and I got shook all together again because THEY ALL INTERACTED WITH THE FANS THROUGH THE LIGHTSTICK :’D THEY each grabbed a lightstick and as soon as the song started baekhyun yelled “PUT YOUR HANDS UP!” :D yixing walked to the center extended stage and the next thing i knew, the STAGE WAS RISING UP LIKE A RAMP AND MY QUOTED WORDS AT THAT TIME CAUGHT ON VIDEO WAS “WOAH LOOK AT THAT STAGE” i was so surprised IT LOOKED LIKE A COMPLETE FUN HOUSE :DD All the members were just having a ton of silly fun during the song by just jumping :D during the chorus they would direct the crowd into little movements sequences we could do with the lightsticks and it was so nice bc it was like a little dance party - and they all looked so proud haha like we were all together - WE ARE ONE!! hehe Sehun came up to the farthest extended stage and danced on the stage closer to my side which was AMAZING <3 which meant that he was directing my block in the light stick moves ^^ i just thought it was super nice that they were able to interact with all of us in that way, include us all in that way it was very heartwarming <3

then LMR came up!! a lot earlier than last year’s one actually. fun and quirky as usual, BAEK’S VOCALS YES. they all danced so energetically and so hyped up, it was so so so AMAZING TO SEE THAT <3 esp sehun bc he’s usually the type that dances to the extent that is enough to show that he’s doing the moves, but this time he added so many more little side moves of his that spiced things up a lot hehe..

During One and Only, i think someone that stood out the most for me was def jongin. his vocals during the song was just something straight from all things good in the world. it was so good :’))) I’m so impressed by how much he has improved his vocal abilities over the years and is truly developing his own distinctive voice <3 OH AND the official HK exo fan club organized an event where during performance of One and Only, representatives in the crowd would hold up letters that spelt “EXO You Are My One and Only”.

omg and possibly my favorite part of the concert….. kai x sehun x lay WATER DANCE WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I am not at all exagerating when i say that every millisecond of what i saw looked like something out of a painting. IT WAS GORGEOUS AND BEAUTIFUL (how many times have i said beautiful omg). they were all so in sync, and everyone gave it their all and it shows <3 THEN CAME THE MOMENT THE WATER STARTED FILLING THE GROND AND WHERE ALL 3 OF THEM JUST DROPPED TO THE GROUND (how do they not break their knees is my question) IT WAS SO SO *fight the urge to say beauti—* BEAUTIFUL <3 I’m sorry there are no other words to describe how amazingly godlike the entire performance was.. then when the water started pouring from the top OH DAMN THAT WAS THE CLIMAX. so they danced in the water with water pouring all over their heads and bodies and THE EFFECT LOOKED SO ETHEREAL like aM I EVEN ALIVE? HAVE I GONE TO HEAVEN? BC THIS IS WHAT I THINK HEAVEN WILL LOOK LIKE TBH. 3 DANCING WATER ANGELS <3 ahHAHA so yeah and when it ended, they 3 were kneeling in the water, and jongin had to be all extra and stuff and run his hand through his hair, gazing dangerously sexily into the audience.. yep THERE GOES MY OVARIES BOOM. THANK YOU OSH, KAI AND YIXING.

AND THEN IT WAS VOCAL LINE TIME TO SHINE!!! Stronger was performed, and it was all i could ask for to have all four of them, kyungsoo, baek, chen, and suho sing this song… esp during stressful times THANK YOU <3 also the vocals were just off the charts at 200% today like they even said themselves that they’re feeling great today WHICH MAKES ME SO DAMN HAPPY :’’)))) oMG THEN THEY PLAYED THE REALLY CUTE VCR OF EXO AS NOMES (??) HAHA dancing and stuff, then they came out of the back wearing the cute af pointy hats and elf shoes XDDD CUTENESS OVERLOAD!! they sang HEAVEN as they came out and it was SO CUTE and also the way that kyungsoo wears his pointy hat, OVER HIS FOREHEAD AND TOUCHING HIS EYES IS SO DAMN SQUISHY OF HIM AHHH :3 he’s so adorable CAN I TAKE HIM HOME PLS along with the rest of exo!!!!! Then they took off their costumes to sing Girl x Friend and it was honestly so great.. xingxing was dancing and pointing out to the audience to guide them in singing the song, sehun came out again to the middle to just enjoy the stage, and kyungsoo was sining happily waving a nightstick around ^^ WAIT OMG ALMOST FORGOT — SEHUN WAS WEARING SPECS DURING THIS AHAHAH HE LOOKED SO DAMN HOT I CANNOT EVEN. SEHUN IN SPECS MAKES ME REEVALUATE MY LIFE. <3 hot hubby hehe

Then 3.5.6 WAS LITTTTTTT haha everyone was dancing and as EXPECTED!!! they did the weird “ooh ooh” sounds in between the 3.6.5 chorus lines xDD HAH now it sounds weird to listen to the studio version one cuz it doesn’t have those sounds LMAO. THEN EXO BECAME A BUNCH OF MEANIES BC THEY FINISHED THE SONG AND as soon as the lights turned up, they were like, “okay, bye! Thank you for coming!” “See you tomorrow” (BISH LIKE WE HAVE MONEY TO SEE U 2 CONSECUTIVE DAYS IN A ROW ALTHOUGH ID VERY MUCH LOVE TO), and the entire crowd AWW’ed and whined like NO! you can’t leave us like this :((( they were so mean…

BUT THEN THEY CAME OUT WEARING THOSE COPPERY COLORED JACKETS and performed TRANSFORMER like in MAMA but EVEN BETTER <3 <3 <3 I really love the part where they all come together and do the roboty like thing. i think i have a new found love for transformer OOPS x) it was so cool like the choreo too!! it was so sharp and just overall. ANNND THEN THEY DID LIGHTSABER~~~ everything was lit. DANCE WAS LIT, SONG WAS LIT, RAP WAS LIT, ALLLSO there was a special dance part near the end where everyone got ‘lightsabers’ and STARTED SWINGING THE CRAP OUT OF IT HAHAHA. and as to no surprise. MORE WATER!! haha water started pouring again (honestly I’ve lost count HAHA) they’re so obsessed with water… or they just want the wet clothes to stICK TO THEIR ABS? x_X

then they took a break and did another ment - which was good cuz i needed that break HAHAHA xD sehun, pcy, yixing and minseok went backstage first to change out of their wet clothes, while baek, suho, kai, chen, kyungsoo, stayed behind to talk. They talked about how nice it was that Jongin was muscular bc he was good at exercising which made nini really embarrassed HAHA.. then joonmyeon turned to kyungsoo and was like, “what about you?” and squishy soo didn’t say anything and just bowed. NAW ITS OK PENGUIN SOO I LIKE IT BETTER WHEN YOU DONT HAVE RIPPED MUSCLES :D Then, Baekhyun said in the ment that, “During One and Only you guys held some letters up, but I couldn’t really see them as I was dancing, what did it say again? Could you raise it again so I could read?” so the representatives in the crowd did, and Baekhyun, Chanyeol read it out. THEN HAHA WHATS FUNNY IS baekhyun then said, “oh! i see now. But you know it’s not because we don’t know how to read english, we do- its because you guys held one letter upside down so we couldn’t read” UHMM SAVAGE BAEK ???!?!!? HAHAHA BUT IT WAS SUPER FUNNY XD. Then joonmyeon pitched in and said he thought that the M and Y were going to spell MYEON, which made him suspect that “oh? maybe they’re preparing something for my birthday……?” HAHAH NEXT TIME JOONMYEON NEXT TIME WE PROMISE <3 such a cutie.

AHAH ANOTHER FUNNY PART!! Baekhyun wanted us all to be quiet for a bit bc he wanted to say something but the crowd didn’t stay quiet for long, so he kept shushing us, like “sh! sh! SHHH!” and then he started saying SH in a really fast and abrupt way, IT SOUNDED LIKE HE SWORE AND SAID SH*T XD AND EVERYONE STARTED LAUGHING HAHAHAHAH don’t think he noticed but oh well baaha cute. baek went on to say how hard they’ve been preparing for their new album, so requested for us to show it lots of love when it comes out (OF COURSE!!! ITS A GIVEN1!!)

AHH ok so those 5 went backstage to change and now pcy, sehun, yixing, minseok came out to ment. During the ment, minseok said that he felt sorry because he messed up during the lightsaber perf. He said that it wasn’t because he forgot the moves, but because the water was pouring into his shirt, and it was so cold that he momentarily forgot what he was supposed to do (poor baby… please don’t get sick any of you :\\). Then PCY started going “沒關係” which is “no problem” in cantonese and got the entire crowd to repeat over and over until minseok told us to stop HAHA :3 then sehun decided to ment next, and he told a “funny” story - which really wasnt funny at all HAHA srsly no one understood what he was trying to say HAHAH or the purpose of the story he was telling - anyway at the end when he realized that no one understood what he was saying, he said, “i’m just trying to lighten up the mood from the sorry atmosphere minseok hyung set up just now..” then PCY again did the “no problem” chant and got the entire crowd in on it again x). Then to compensate, sehun asked us to all give a collective fake laugh AHHA AT HIS FAILED JOKE XD i can’t this boy is everything. then yixing went around giving a cantonese lesson for the other 3 boys, teaching them how to say thank you, hello, my name is___ except the fact that he forgot how to say the members names in canto xD

After the ment, yixing went back and pcy x sehun x minseok did a rap song that i believe is only exclusive to the concerts? its called “같이해” which means “do it together”. THIS. SONG. WAS. FREAKING. LIT. SEHUN FREAKING OWNED THAT STAGE LIKE IT WAS HIS AND NO ONE ELSES B) HE WAS IN CENTER STAGE MOST THE TIME, AND WENT ON THE RISING RAMP WHICH WAS SUUUUPER COOL. He was so full of charisma on stage i couldn’t take my eyes off him for even a second. he demanded attention in everything he did HAHAH THATS MY BOO then this lit rap transitioned into DROP THAT when all members joined them on stage, and IT WAS AS LIT AS IT WAS LAST YEAR WOO so so nice. “we say e-x, you say o! , e-x-“ “O!” so nice *sparkling eyes* OMG ALSO CHANYEOL DID AN ELECTRIC GUITAR COVER OF GROWL AND IT WAS FREAKING COOL AF

ooooohhhh then next they did the cool little Let Out the Beast remix starting with the lightstick part. It was a bit of a shame that they did not organize this concert to have the bluetooth setting so it lost a wow factor there, but STILL THE REMIX SONG WAS GREAT AND THEY DID A DANCE REMIX IT WAS SO EFFING COOL AND OLD SCHOOL I LOVE IT SO MUCH <3

Following that, they performed Lucky, where everyone LEGIT WENT CRAZY HYPER HAHA THEY DID RANDOM DANCES AND EVERYTHING speaking of random dances, CHANYEOL DABBED LIKE AT LEAST 10 TIMES HERE JEEEAASUS and did juju on the beat hAHAHA I WAS SHOOK lmao THEN they did RUN and yixing was near the part where i was at so I had a very clear view of him going CRAZYYY like actually CRAZY!! he was doing all sorts of random running moves, and just having a ton of fun :’)) this was so impactful on me because i rmb last year, they flew in to hk really early and at the same day they had to perform so lay was really really tired that day. but to see him so hyper and energetic was so refreshing and it made me really hyped up too :’) little xing bunny jumping for joy haha

GROWL MY FAV SONG came out and everything was SO PERFECT haha this time the members freely walked around first and interacted with fans. then park chanyeol. okay so um. this boy has a problem with chronic DABBING AND JUJU-ING. he DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO STOP LITERALLY DOES NOT STOP. HE DABBED LIKE AVERAGE EVERY 5 SECONDS NOT EXAGGERATING. And then baekhyun learned from him and started to dab and juju uncontrollably too ._. not you too baek AHAH but in all honesty it was so funny to watch XD pcy did so many dabs that sehun had to almost flying kick him to get him back to his regular mind haha. THEY WERE CRAZILY HYPER today and i LOVE IT SO MUCH <3 AHAH AND THEN YIXING WAS SO CUTE CUZ during the beginning of growl when everyone walked everywhere, he walked to the furthest extended stage, but during the bridge he was supposed to get back to the middle to do the dance part. He only remembered when the music turned and had to RUN FOR HIS LIFE back to the centre aND IT WAS SO CUTE CUZ I SAW THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE REMEMBERED XD PRICELESS.

Lucky One was next, and similarly it was free-dance and walk around which was nice and chill for them ^^ but jongdae did not give up on the dance and still did it throughout ahah #dedication. near the end, suho was the only one dancing and pcy and sehun were both doing weird af gestures behind him LOL .. and then it was time for the last ment D: I’m sad just thinking about it again….

So at the start of the ment, when pcy was talking, jongin bent over and looked really tired, which is expected since he danced with so much energy during the entirety of the concert - but he suddenly ran off stage, and no one knew what was going on- i started to get really nervous because i didn’t know what happened, if he was sick or hurting and i felt really sad :( my heart hurt. But then when it got around to about fixing’s turn to ment, jongin finally came back and all the members were like, “kai-sshi where did you disappear off to just now?” and HAHA HE SAID, “i had to go to the bathroom really urgently i was very very urgent” HAHAHAHA XD NOT WHAT ANYONE OF US WERE EXPECTING LMAO IM DECEASED XDD Then the members teased him and were like, “Kai-sshi is your stomach not feeling well (aka do u have a stomach ache/diarrhoea)?” and he immediately denied it and said, “nO! I just went to the toilet to pee hahah i was so urgent.” Then he said, “You know, after coming back from the toilet, my mood is so much more relieved” BAHAHHAHAHA “RELIEVED?!?!” IM DEAD AGAIN.. then PCY started saying, “so did you go to the toilet to … number 2?” HAHAH and jongin said, “NO! I WENT TO DO A NUMBER 1” IT WAS SO FUNNY MY ABS HURT AHAHAHA THEY WERE ARGUING ABOUT THE TOILET ON STAGE I CANT WITH THESE BOYS.. XD

Channel kept dabbing and juju-ing still, which triggered baekhyun to do the same, AND I KID YOU NOT, they DID NOT STOP DOING THAT UNTIL THE ENTIRE MENT WAS OVER FOR EVERYONE XD THESE TWO PUPS.. baekhyun’s ment consisted of him teaching us how to dab LMAO he was like “i’ll teach you the easy one (the dab), bc the other one (the juju) is more complex” LOL THANKS TEACHER BAEK. so yeah long story short, he got the entire arena to dab. yup. EVERYONE. us all dabbing only exacerbated chanyeol’s chronic dabbing syndrome and he continued to do it, with baekhyun responding to him every single time. #CHANBAEK OTP FTW. throughout all the dabbing sehun was just judging and like “ai these hinges…” but then eventually he caved and also did dabs AHHAHA, yixing, chen were laughing so hard. the thing is, suho is trying to give his ment properly, and there you have chanyeol on one end, baekhyun on the other DABBING TOWARDS EACH OTHER OK LIKE THESE BOYS ARE NOT OK. WHAT DID THEY EAT BEFORE COMING OUT HERE?? Eventually suho gave up AHAH and dabbed too (…….) WHAT IS WITH ALL THIS DABBING….?!!??! also . baekhyun couldn’t help it and decided to teach us the juju too so. LMAO. AND THEN BAEK SAID, “the dab move i taught you! when we sing Angel for the last song, I want you to dab throughout the song!” THIS IS HOW OBSESSED THEY ARE OK. IM BEING HONEST, PCY AND BAEK added tgt for the entire concert prob dabbed and juju-ed like 50 times each . NOT. AN EXAGGERATION. Haha so yeah, fun times..

During Angel, fans threw stuff toys and animal hats on stage, and exo went around playing with them. Baekhyun found a pikachiu hat and chanyeol found a stuffed pokeball = chanyeol smashing the pokeball at poor baekhyun who ended up rolling on the stage xD. Sehun found a dinosaur hat and a snake that he wrapped around his neck (how exotic LOL), then he found a small stuffed white puppy that looked like Vivi. and he carried it all the way back to the stage where he said in chinese, “Vivi says, ‘see you tomorrow!’” (CAN HE GET ANY CUTER???). AND THEN omg the sweetest part was how yixing liteally went to every corner and crevice of the stage to bow and say goodbye and thankyou to the fans :’(((( IM CRYING HE’S LITERALLY THE SWEETEST BUNNY TT he was the last to return to the back part of the stage where baekhyun said they wanted to take a photo with all of us dabbing in the background (LMAO). it was so sad to see them all disappear behind the closing screens, how did time pass so quickly? it felt like we just came in to sit down..

it was an INSANE night. SO MUCH HYPE, SO LIT, SO FUN AND TRUELY showed the talents and nature of exo :’) they really had so much fun and as an EXO-L that is all I can ask for. Im so glad that they were able to get a nights rest before the concert this time unlike last year, because they were so much more awake and aware of the concert. they were all so into it and so CRAZY HYPER HAHA. Interestingly, baekhyun, suho both talked about how this Exo’rdium in HK was the VERY FIRST concert they held in the new year of 2017. WHICH WAS SUCH A HUGE THING!! they were all so energetic and excited about the concert that they asked for everyone in the crowd to dab while they took a group photo with us in the background - I AM OFFICIALLY SIGNING OFF. THEY ASKED US TO DAB FOR A PHOTO IM DONE. LMAO IM DOOONNEEE

So yeah…. that was a LONG ASS POST but it was worth staying up to 4am to write about <3 the best part was that when we looked at the time it was 10:32pm. we started at 7pm SHARP. which meant this concert went on for 3 and a half hours. 3 AND A HALF HOURS. THATS AMAZING AND GENEROUSLY LONG <3 This beautiful memory will stay with me forever and motivate me to do well in upcoming mocks and exams ^^ EXO SARANGHAJA!!!!! <3 WOOOOOO

#exordiumhk #exordium hong kong #exordium hk day 1 #exo #021117 #just rereading it and rewatching the videos makes me so emotional all over again #until next time that i see you my babies #<3

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