#I thought I'd never reach this goal before the end of the year

[blvdcharms]

Thank you for 200 followers!

Biggest thanks to everyone who stayed this long, but I can't believe I made it this far! You all mean the world to me. With the new year coming, here's to many more! <3

Along with reaching 200 on DA, I plan to host something special for you all to enjoy, so stay tuned for that ^^

[thinkingaboutagoodurlname]

"tearing me down just built me up, so high that I cannot be touched"

[otomes-and-tears]

Can you do another soulmate au with Qiu and Tamarack but mc moves in at step two (I'd assume they'd basically end up the same way without the mc being there)? Qiu in particular would be interesting to see cause of how closed off they are lol

Anyway love your writing ❤️❤️❤️

♦ You can only see grey until you meet your soulmate for the first time with Qiu and Tamarack step 2 ♦

► tags and warnings: Soulmate! Au, Based on this post

► words: 2406

► A/N: Hi! I didn't know if you wanted the same type of soulmate AU or a different kind, so I wrote the same! If you're interested in seeing a different kid, just drop a request and I'll be glad to write something <3

► Masterlist

Tamarack

If the idea of a soulmate, as a child, made Tamarack indifferent, it now filled her with fear.

It wasn’t supposed to be like that, she was sure. Not like she’d ever admit to these feelings to anyone— Finding your soulmate was a goal to strive towards, a consolation on difficult days.

It’s what all romance books centered around. It’s the topic of all of the songs people listen to on the radio, the advice columns on magazines the girls much cooler than her read. 

It’s a daunting notion, perhaps, but a natural one. Her soulmate will appear when she least expects, her world will fill with colours she had never particularly wished to see, and she will be granted a companion for as long as both shall live. The other half of her soul, a missing limb she had never noticed was gone.

But how could she ever muster up excitement for it when her future was so uncertain?

Maybe her soulmate was back at her old home, at the school she’d have attended if her parents had kept her instead of leaving her with her grandparents. Or maybe, if they followed through on their promises to take her back, she’d just miss her soulmate moving into the perpetually empty, likely haunted, house in the middle of the cul-de-sac.

A soulmate could be the anchor she’d always wished for, a tether somewhere, but it could just as easily twist into another loss, another painful what-if to occupy her thoughts.

And losing the one thing you wished for isn’t terrifying?

So she continues living her life. Hoping that she’s just another person to meet their soulmate just a little later in life— her parents had met in college, after all. Things would just work out if the universe could hold out for just a while longer, until her family’s mess could finally settle itself or she was old enough to make her own choices, put down roots somewhere she was certain they wouldn’t be cruelly ripped out the soil. 

She had heard many tragic tales of the sort, after all. Soulmates that meet briefly only to be torn apart. People who are meant to each other, but who are destined to just weave in and out of each other’s lives, only having brief, blissful moments together.

She hates to admit it, but the idea of suffering such a fate keeps her awake, sometimes.

Tamarack was tired of holding her breath and waiting for other people to make decisions for her. Soulmates were a cosmic matter, beyond the reach of any plea or plan. And if people could be fickle and unreliable, she doubted the universe would be any more inclined to listen to her wishes.

Every year that passed, with her world continuing to be coloured in the greyscale she was so fond of, made her just a little more hopeful, dimming the fear and anxiety she had long grown used to.

But things have a way of changing when you least expect it.

This Halloween was different. It was her first as a teenager, and she had obsessed over her costume for weeks. How could she not? Everything felt more important this year, like the tiniest details suddenly carried the weight of her entire identity. Adding to the excitement, her Omi had mentioned something Tamarack couldn’t stop thinking about: after years of vacancy, someone had finally moved into the empty house next door.

Before she could head out for her own festivities, her omi invites her to deliver her homemade sweets to the new neighbours.

Tamarack stood on the porch of her grandparents’ house, the evening’s chill nipping at her nose. She adjusted her cape— a flimsy, dollar-store last minute addition to an otherwise well-planned witch costume. Her Omi had insisted on the traditional sweets, meticulously wrapped and sealed in clear plastic with small bows. Tamarack clutched the basket, feeling every bit the reluctant Little Red Riding Hood.

“Go on, sweetheart…” her Omi urged from the doorway, every bit as boisterous as she always was “First impressions are important!”

First impressions, Tamarack thought bitterly, only mattered if you planned on sticking around. Still, she trudged across the lawn to the new neighbor’s house, pausing at the edge of the worn wood porch, and the sparse decorations out on the lawn. It brought a smile to her face— the residents had likely not fully moved in yet, but they at the very least bothered to decorate for the occasion.

Her heart thudded as she raised a hand to knock, suddenly a little nervous. She looks back at her grandmother, who seems impatient enough to do it for her when suddenly…

The door swung open, and Tamarack’s breath caught in her throat.

A kid stood there, about her age, also wearing a costume, trying to add in the last accessories while answering the door. Behind them, she can see boxes piled into the living room.

“Uh, hi…” they said, eyes darting to the basket in her hands. “Trick-or-treat?”

Tamarack blinked, suddenly hyper-aware of the weight of the basket.

“Oh, um, no. I mean, yes. Sort of? My grandmother…”  She looks back towards her grandmother for a moment “Wanted me to bring these over.” 

Before she can offers the sweets, the kid’s mother, appears behind them— her Omi’s attention quickly shifting to the other adult as they commence introductions. Tamarack shyly, albeing awkwardly thrusts the basket forward, as a peace offering. 

Her new neighbour looks up for the first time, her red eyes meeting theirs.

It was like a silent firework had gone off in her mind, flooding every corner with color. The drab greyscale of the world she had grown so accustomed to was suddenly replaced by shades she didn’t have words for. The red of their costume was vibrant and rich, and the soft yellow light from the porch lamp bathed their features in a warmth that seemed dream-like.

Her knees felt weak, and her hands trembled as she tried to process the transformation. She glanced down at her own costume, marveling at the green hue of her skirt, the deep black of her cape that somehow seemed darker than before.

They were staring at her, wide-eyed. Their grip on the basket slackened, and a few candies tumbled out.

 “You’re seeing it too, right?” they whispered.

Tamarack nodded slowly. She leans down to grab the fallen candies just as her soulmate does. When their hands touch, they both pull back like it’s fire.  

The moment is awkward for just a second— before she laughs, and accompanies her.

Her heart pounded in her chest as a thousand thoughts jumbled together—fear, confusion, disbelief. She had spent years imagining this, dreading it, preparing for a moment that always seemed far away, out of reach.

Now, it was here.

Her world had changed in the blink of an eye, and she hadn’t even had time to catch her breath.

“I wasn’t ready for this.” 

She admitted softly, barely more than a whisper. The fallen candies back in her basket, and her heart feeling just a tad lighter.

“Same…” Her soulmate replied, in disbelief. “Well… It isn’t as bad like I feared it would be.”

Surprisingly, she shares the sentiment. 

Behind them, her Omi and MC’s mother were deep in conversation, already swapping stories and laughter as though they had known each other forever.

Tamarack barely noticed. Everything around her felt distant— muted compared to the colors she couldn’t stop staring at.

She forced herself to take a breath, steadying her nerves. This wasn’t what she had planned. It wasn’t what she wanted. But maybe… maybe it didn’t have to be as terrifying as she thought. Maybe this wasn’t the end of her carefully constructed world, but the start of something else.

Qiu

There was once a time in which Qiu longed to find their soulmate.

Back when things were brighter, easier. When the idea of finding the person that stood on the other side of their invisible string felt like an inevitability, a cheat code to meeting a new friend— their perfect equal, the way to make their life just a little more perfect. Golden grove was a little boring, but it was a little town brimming with potential, filled with wonderful things, little secrets, they knew of, and they were eager to share with their perfect match.

That hope belonged to a different version of Qiu, though.

A younger, more naive one. The boy with sparkling eyes and an eager need to please who he once believed themselves to be.

Now, it felt like a memory from someone else’s life, not their own. 

Regardless, it was a hope Qiu had held onto for an embarrassingly long amount of time. Even when things became less certain, and making new friends became a chore rather than an exciting prospect, they still hoped anyway.

Fantasised about their eyes meeting when they took their bows at the end of a ballet recital, the world blooming into colour as they found them in a crowd, eyes soft and adoring, their appearance shifting with every second they conjured their little daydream— not knowing what they would look like, but wishing that, just at having a glimpse of them in a dream, Qiu would just know.

Or perhaps in the bustling halls of school, a casual brush of shoulders with a new transfer student would change everything.

It occupied their thoughts during boring classes or frustrating days when no one understood them, no matter how much they tried to speak: the ever-shifting face of their soulmate, the kind eyes, the idea that someone would be able to tell them who they were, someone who’d instinctively know.

Not having found their soulmate, despite their increasingly desperate attempts to do so throughout their childhood, had been just another in a long list of disappointments in Qiu’s life. 

It was just another testament to a fact that terrified them: they didn’t know who they were, nor who they were supposed to be. People around them had an idea— expectations, their own stifling view of who Qiu Lin was, and the more they insisted on it, the less Qiu wished to fulfil their expectations.

Like with most other things, in recent times, they had just stopped trying.

Why should they even bother with a soulmate, anyway? They had lost so much time together already. The colours their parents had described sounded headache inducing, the idea of a soulmate stifling in a way it hadn’t before. They stopped greeting colleagues in the hallways and avoided any chance to meet new people. Their friendship circle was small, and ever dwindling— And it was better this way. 

A soulmate would just be another person to disappoint, after all. Like the list wasn’t long enough already. It was better for them, and for the poor soul tethered to them, if they didn’t meet at all.

For that reason, the first day of high school was terrifying.

Golden Grove’s only school rarely got transfers. The golden-haired whirlwind that was Tamarack, their neighbour, had been an exception. But what made Qiu particularly anxious was the sinking feeling that this was it. That something was in the air. Some deep, impending change they were too small to ever possibly stop.

They couldn’t stop it, but they could delay it, whoever.

If locking themselves in their room wasn’t an option, which Qiu was sure it wasn’t, then the solution was simple. Instead of heading straight to school, Qiu veered off course, slipping into the woods that gave Golden Grove its name. The golden leaves heralding autumn crunched beneath their sneakers as they made their way to the old bridge over the creek. It was a cherished spot, a secret place they’d often escaped to as a kid.

The boy’s club, with Tamarack as an honorary member, had once made it their domain.

They throw their gym bag on the floor, huffing as it falls with a thump on the top steps, leading to the small bridge. Qiu slumps right beside it, fishing their phone out of their pockets to shoot a quick message to Ren, reassuring him that they’d show up eventually, and putting some music on.

The crisp morning air helped clear their thoughts, even if the anxiety still simmered beneath the surface.

Skipping a few hours of school seemed worth the inevitable lecture they’d get at home. For now, they could breathe, even if just for a little.

“Excuse me…”

An unknown voice sounds from right behind them, above the sound of their music. They’re momentarily taken aback. No one ever came here. It was a local secret. Who else would be in a bridge in the woods in the early morning hours?

A gasp escaped their lips as the vibrant hues overwhelmed them. Blues, oranges, and reds assaulted their senses, a kaleidoscope of shades they had no names for.

It was too much.

Qiu squeezed their eyes shut, reeling from the sudden intensity.

The stranger staggered too, pages from a notepad— Qiu’s notepad,  slipping from their grasp and scattering across the bridge steps. Their wide eyes darted around as if trying to process the same blinding shift.

Qiu’s heart raced, cautiously grabbing one of the fallen pages. A note they had made a few weeks ago on ideas for Ren’s birthday gift. 

Had they led their soulmate straight to them without realizing it? The colours were no less dazzling now that they started getting used to them, but the feeling was slightly more bearable. The stranger’s hair gleamed like sunlight, their features sharp yet soft, framed by a hesitant, confused, smile.

“Are you okay?” the stranger asked, voice shaky but kind. They crouched to gather the rest of the  fallen pages, glancing up at Qiu with equal parts concern and awe.

Qiu’s mouth went dry. Words tumbled through their mind but refused to align into a coherent sentence.

They’d dreamed of this moment for years, yet nothing had prepared them for the overwhelming reality of actually meeting them.

“I…” They swallowed hard, trying again. “I didn’t think…”

The stranger smiled softly, offering a hand. 

“Me neither.”

Qiu hesitated before taking it.

Their hands touched, and the colors seemed to pulse, brighter and warmer, as if the universe was reaffirming the connection. For the first time in years, Qiu felt a glimmer of hope.

Maybe, just maybe, they hadn’t been wrong to dream after all.

[wecandoit]

Hi everyone! I've been doing this challenge called 30 days of intentionality (30doi) and I thought I'd explain how I'm doing it in case anyone wants to join in! I have no prompts for this one bc it is by nature quite personal.

THE CHALLENGE

Similar to the 30 days of productivity challenge, this one is really open to interpretation. Anyone can do it and mold it however they like, I'm just here to give a little bit of guidance to those who need it.

For me, intentions include 'keeping in good health', 'studying for my dream job', 'working towards my career', 'maintaining and building good friendships'.

If you're unsure about how to format your posts, this is what i include:

- date - intentions (if you make these vague, it's a good idea to elaborate on how you plan to achieve your intentions) - a recommendation (current reads, songs, movies, videos, etc) - reflection - tags with #30doi here's an example of one of my 30doi posts for reference

other notes:

I usually update my post throughout the day, crossing out the stuff I've done and adding in a reflection before bed if i can.

You can do this challenge manually, I sometimes write my intentions down on paper for a few days and then transcribe (you don't have to transcribe)

This challenge should be for you, don't worry about posting consistently, or making your posts pretty. the important thing is that you are being intentional with your day.

Even if you don't physically post or write your intentions, try to think to yourself what they might be each day, and try your best to meet those.

Off-days are okay, in fact, they are what make this challenge a real challenge. if you're just running on the momentum of having had a perfect streak, there's no difficulty in this

Tag your posts under the tag #30doi so that others can see your posts and interact (including me)

if you want a reblog, i track the tag #heydilli which can be used for non-challenge posts too

That's all I can think of for now, but like I said, the 30doi is open to interpretation and i am by no means taking credit for 'creating' the challenge. like i mentioned for the 30dop, i don't really believe these challenges can be created. Below the cut is a rant about intentionality and my reasons for doing this challenge if you want to have a read.

Hope to see your posts and progress, xx dilli 🤍

What is intentionality?

We all know what intentions are—your purpose and meaning behind doing something. Intentionality is bigger, it is "the structure which gives meaning to experience." Intentionality is your capacity to have intentions. Having intentions governs how you perceive every experience you have. Take this example: if your intention for tonight is to wind down and relax, settling down in front of the TV will be viewed as a way to rest, reset, recover. If however, your intention for tonight is finish up uni work, watching TV will be viewed as a way that you procrastinate and avoid doing your work. Your perception of anything, then, is informed by your intentions. Without intentions, anything that you do can seem pointless. I often have a never-ending list of assignments, but if I don't actively intend to do work, watching Youtube all night doesn't seem like a bad thing—after all, it's not like I intended to do anything else with my time.

Why am I doing this challenge?

Lately I find myself moving through my daily routine rather mindlessly. I do a bit of schoolwork here, a bit of mindless scrolling there, but I don't really know why I'm doing these things. I have goals that I'm working towards, but they seem distant and unaffected by my day-to-day choices. In reality, though, the choices that I make every day are what determine whether I reach my goals, where I will be and what kind of person I am in five or ten or however many years. By setting intentions, I will make it clear what I should be doing and why it is important that I do it. The idea is that by merely logging my intentions and results over these 30days, I will subconsciously be predisposed to fulfil those intentions

Read more about intentionality here

[icarusbetide]

why it's okay that hamilton the musical is terribly inaccurate

i'm feverish so none of this will make any sense, but i wanted to get it down somewhere before i lose all train of thought. a lot of hamilton the musical's discrepancies with the historical record make sense if you remind yourself that it's inherently meta. it's equally about our perception of these figures and their legacies than the figures themselves. not sure how much of that is deliberate - i would argue a fair amount, since the play is literally haunted by history. "history has its eyes on you", "history obliterates", "who lives who dies who tells your story". and that's going to bleed into their musical characterization and relationships. the musical exaggerates and caricatures them, and is self-aware of its tamperings. the way burr as a narrator expresses the same frustrations we feel, not being in the room where it happened. how it puts words into eliza's mouth and speculates that she burned the letters because of the reynolds pamphlet, and she wanted to keep it from us.

alexander hamilton was not jumpy, awkward, and incredibly abrasive in real life. he was all accounts charming, and apparently even aloof in certain situations. but his writing was aggressive, heavy-handed. we all know when that led to disaster. his written work aka his largest legacy informs the character we see.

same thing with burr. it's really funny because musical burr is so shy and quiet compared to his real-life counterpart who was charming, popular with the ladies, and very hilariously unhinged. but it makes sense. because when we think of burr, we think of a guy who doesn't believe in anything, who quietly slipped through the political parties, etc. and that's the personality he carries.

and that's why washington plays a different role in hamilton compared to washington in turn. we aren't supposed to get close to him, seeing his temper or his flaws. washington in the musical is always above everyone else, spectating. he's even in the background of "my shot", watching hamilton contemplatively before nodding and slipping away. obviously he wouldn't have been aware of hamilton during the new york pamphlet era; most likely he wasn't serving as a father figure during hamilton's wedding, fixing his collar. but historically, washington's quiet support did allow hamilton to move forward with his political goals - in the musical that bleeds into their personal relationship and physical staging. he's often looming over hamilton in some way. i'd even say that some people very convincely argue that in hamilton's perspective, washington is the most important person in the musical. he's the person hamilton is most often watching. and washington probably was the most important relationship hamilton cultivated.

probably the most egregious example would be jefferson, whose shy personality is not explored at all in the musical. but the cock-fighting, taunting, flamboyant jefferson next to hamilton on stage? that's their political, newspaper rivalry for sure. they have to be seen as equals, and in a musical format, that means jefferson needs to be hamilton's equal in rapping, fighting.

i mean, the entire plot follows the relationship of alexander and aaron burr over the years in a parallel doom situation. it's probably wildly inaccurate! burr wasn't hamilton's first friend, and though they did work together and were apparently on good terms for some time, i doubt burr lived his life obsessively following hamilton's career. but our understanding and speculation on their relationship is heavily influenced by their end - and so the musical versions of the characters seem pre-ordained to reach weehawken. burr has to be in hamilton's shadow, burr has to believe in hamilton's greatness more faithfully than any other character; their fates have to be tied together, because they are tied together in death. you'll never be able to separate alexander hamilton from aaron burr.

and musical burr knows that. he knows history obliterates, and the picture it will paint. hamilton's so much a play about how we try to rationalize/dig into these human people that we unfortunately will never really know. i still think there are flaws that weren't deliberate, but that's another story.

i'll probably elaborate/edit this later. it's already a shitton of run-on sentences lmaoo.

[misshoneyimhome]

250 FOLLOWERS FESTIVAL

"Why can't you just do what you're being told?" I William Nylander

Summary; Sometimes, a push can make all the difference, even within the realm of relationships.

Tropes & warnings; smut 18+, friends-with-benefits, friends to lovers, fighting to sex (is that a thing?); mention of masturbation, unprotected sex (p in v), spanking, more unprotected sex, oral sex (m receiving);

Other notes; This one's for you, styles217, my love.🤍 Although it didn't end up as angsty as I'd envisioned 🙈, I hope you still enjoy it 🤞🏼 Surprisingly though, it ended up containing more smut than I initially planned, thanks to the requests I chose to combine it with [“take it out on me” I “I will never get enough of you” 🔥] - And no, I don’t actually think anyone on the coaching team would say something like this, and I’ve got no idea if anyone on the internet would react in such way; but for the plot of the story, they did 🤍 Knock on wood for not jinxing the winning streak ✊

Word count; 4.1K

➼｡ﾟ

It had been quite a week. The Leafs had been on the road for a week, still keeping up their winning streak, which exceeded everyone's expectations. But even from the comfort of your sofa, you could sense that the games were getting more intense.

It was becoming clearer that the playoffs were getting closer. And suddenly, you noticed new aspects of your beloved William Nylander.

_

William had always been a talented ice hockey player. He might as well have been born with skates on his feet because the ice rink was his natural habitat. At just 16 years old, hockey became his first real profession, following in his father’s footsteps with aspirations of greatness.

And now, with his latest eight-year contract extension playing for the Maple Leafs, he was having the best season of his career.

Watching him play was almost magical - Every goal he scored or assist he made showcased his deep passion for the sport. And to you, he was simply an incredible person. 

Despite the challenges that came with the fast-paced lifestyle, being part of William’s world felt nothing short of amazing. Over the past six months, the two of you had developed some sort of a bond, and there was nothing else you would have traded it for.

William Nylander had stolen your mind and soul from the moment he walked into the quaint coffee shop one early Wednesday morning before a training session. As he was completely exhausted and absent-minded, he inadvertently reached for something that appeared to be his drink, however as it turned out it was your coffee. With a gentle laugh and a charming smile, you kindly asked the handsome hockey player not to take it and encouraged him to enjoy his own instead.

Which then had turned out to be great a conversation starter, leading to a casual dating slash sort of a friends-with-benefits arrangement. Nothing too intense, just two consenting young adults enjoying each other's company, indulging in mind blowing sex, and relishing in easygoing conversations and hangouts.

However, perfection is elusive. Despite William's charm, kindness, and humour, he had a temper. Which you had only glimpsed bits of before, with penalties and a few snappy comments after tough losses.

But what happened during the Coyotes match was on another level.

William didn’t just receive penalties, but he suddenly also reacted aggressively to the pushes he usually shrugged off. He pushed back forcefully, his eyes blazing with anger.

And to your surprise, you found it incredibly arousing. Your cunt even tingled as William pushed the Coyote player, and a scuffle broke out among other players.

Never before had a hockey match stirred such arousal in you. And to top it off, the Leafs emerged victorious.

That night, thoughts of William's roughness lingered, leading you to touch yourself, and reaching an orgasm in a way you hadn't experienced before. The sheets beneath you were soaked as you moaned William's name into the emptiness with a whimper.

_

The game against Arizona was then followed by another impressive win, this time against the Knights, and then furthermore; a victory over the Avalanches after three thrilling periods, bringing the road trip to a satisfying conclusion.

Yet, as entertaining as it was to follow William and the team, it paled in comparison to being back in Toronto with him, where you could finally be intimate again.

And already Sunday afternoon you found yourself back at his place after he had a lie-in and taken care of the dogs. Entangled on his ample couch, his lips passionately locked with yours as your tongues explored each other with every shared breath.

With William on top of you, your fingers entwined in his blonde locks as he moved his warm mouth to the sensitive skin of your neck, sucking and nipping, eliciting sweet noises from you.

He was insatiable. After a week of being apart, William craved the feeling of you wrapped around him, longing to reach his own release in the midst of passion.

Clothes littered the floor of the living room, and despite the TV show still playing in the background, your moans filled the space of his condo. His two doodles lounged in a basket nearby as William guided his hard, throbbing member to your tight entrance.

Feeling William's hands on you again was nothing short of amazing. His mouth expertly melded with yours as his cock stretched you, sending waves of pleasure through your body with every thrust.

It was intense and messy. Bodies slick with sweat as you passionately connected on the sofa. His movements were determined, rough, and primal as he straightened his position, one leg on the floor, the other knee on the cushion, holding one of your legs against his chest while the other wrapped around his waist, thrusting mercilessly into you.

Your hands eagerly searched for something to grip onto, settling on the pillow behind your head as your mind blurred and your body melted for him.

You moaned loudly, the sounds mixing with the TV as you reached the peak of orgasm. But William didn't let you rest for a moment. Instead, he increased his intensity, feeling himself nearing the edge as your muscles tightened around him. And with heavy breaths, he thrust vigorously until he reached his climax, releasing his cum into you.

The intensity of the moment was palpable as you both took a few minutes to come down from the high and regain control of your breathing. It was a prime example of how raw and amazing your sex could be – effortless yet dirty, filled with desire.

And what came after was even better: William's tenderness as he caressed your curves in the post-sex shower was almost romantic. The way he caressed every inch of your skin was incredibly arousing, washing away the remnants of your sofa session. And then, he kneeled before you, placing hungry kisses on your core.

It was an added treat he provided, indulging in a late-night snack before you settled in for the night, knowing that Monday morning and the workday would soon be upon you.

_

It was another day of facing adult responsibilities at work, with the excitement of hockey on hold until reuniting with William in the afternoon.

However, while your day passed uneventfully, William found himself stirred by something deeper. His recent behaviour during matches hadn't gone unnoticed, and while fights were often accepted in the sport, comments about William being 'out of character' emerged.

Social media buzzed with opinions about him; criticising his usual calm demeanour, suggesting it wasn't present to support the team during heated moments, and deeming his actions as outrageous.

Which ignited William's temper. Despite his stellar performance in recent games – scoring goals and providing assists – he felt unjustly criticised. And more over it seemed that every attempt to express confidence in his own game was met with accusations of selfishness and 'overconfidence'.

It simply seemed William couldn't strike a balance. If he didn't score goals, he was deemed a bad player. If he didn't assist but scored himself, he wasn't seen as a team player. And if he didn't contribute at all, he was deemed unworthy of the team. He was often labeled as the attractive star player, good at scoring goals, but not as exceptional as Auston Matthews or as dominant as other players like Rielly, Reaves, and Tavares.

'Nylander’s a talented player, but he only cares about scoring for himself.'

‘Great to see WN88 take on some responsibilities when wearing the A – but he’s nothing like MR44’

The power of public opinion could be harsh.

Though most of the time, William didn’t even pay much attention to the criticism, knowing he was a great player, and his confidence remained unshaken. But often when he tried to brush off the comments and act nonchalant, it only fuelled speculation about his carelessness.

And, for some unexpected reason, he found himself unable to contain his temper on that particular Monday. Tired of the negative remarks, he wanted to prove that he could be just as strong and skilled as anyone else.

So, during Monday’s ice training, he attempted to assert his dominance. But things didn't go entirely as planned. Although the comments from the assistant coaches might not have been intended to be negative, they still managed to pierce through his thick skin.

"Hey Willy, we all know you did great as an alternate captain in Mo’s absence. However, maybe focus more on your scoring, passing to Auston, and breakaways – you know, the things you’re great at."

William simply nodded in response to the coaching staff's encouragement. But as they all left the locker room, he still couldn't shake off the words entirely.

"Hey," you greeted him with a warm smile in the hallway, joining the other partners of the team. "Want to go out for dinner?"

"Sure," he responded tersely, his tone devoid of your enthusiasm. "Just go wait by the car, I’ll be right there."

His voice was low and cold, but as his confidant, you resolved to show your support and be there for him.

"That's alright, I'll just wait here until you're ready," you replied, offering a reassuring smile.

"Just go and wait by the car," he suddenly snapped, his words sharper than before.

“What did you just say?” 

“Go wait by the fucking car.”

"Oh no... You don’t get to talk to me like that, Willy..." you retorted, your voice firm and steady. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just... I'll meet you outside."

"No, I'm not leaving until you talk nicely to me!"

"Why can't you just do what you're being told?" William shouted, his voice echoing through the hallway. 

You were taken aback. William had never shouted at you, especially not in public like this. While your relationship wasn’t without its disagreements, it had never escalated to this level.

But you held his gaze firmly as the others dispersed, the tension between you palpable. 

There was a silence that hung heavy in the air. A moment where every thing could fall apart if you let it. But instead you decided to take the battle elsewhere.

"Fine," you finally spat, before turning and walking towards the exit.

And needless to say, the ride back to William’s place was dead silent, broken only when William left the car to pick up your takeaway dinner, opting not to go out. And when he returned, he slammed the door shut, and the journey to his place remained eerily quiet.

You felt his frustration emanating from him as you entered the condo, and as you placed the bags of food on the kitchen counter, you decided you couldn't ignore it any longer.

"Willy... do you have any idea how humiliating that was?" you said with a steady voice, trying to catch his gaze, but he remained hunched over the counter, looking down.

"So what?" he replied curtly.

You let out a small sigh. "So what?... Willy, I'm not a toy you can play with however you like... I'm a person with feelings."

"Don't you think I have feelings too?" he suddenly erupted, standing up straight and taking a step towards you. "Don't you think I feel frustrated and annoyed? That I'm not this perfectly calm and chill guy everyone always wants me to be?"

"So, you're upset because you're a talented hockey player, but not perfect in every way?" you asked a hint of rhetoric in your tone, raising a brow. "Willy, nobody's perfect, and nobody can live up to everyone's expectations."

"Don't you think I know that! But it still doesn’t make the frustrations go away, y/n... not that you would know how it feels to just want to... let go!"

And you suddenly found yourself releasing a breath you hadn't realised you'd been holding. William's words were sharp and filled with tension, fuelled by his passion for the sport. And strangely, you felt the same arousal you had felt the night you witnessed his anger for the first time.

"Take it out on me," you spoke softly, still maintaining a firm tone as you extended the invitation.

"What?" William inquired, taken aback by your bold offer.

"Take your frustrations out on me, Willy... let go, be angry... do what you need to do..."

For a moment, he couldn't comprehend what you were suggesting. His mind raced with thoughts, but as his eyes met yours, a sudden surge of desire and lust overwhelmed him. The offer was too tempting to resist. And without hesitation, he closed the gap between you, fuelled by a primal urge.

His lips almost crashed onto yours, his hands gripping your head tightly as he held you close. Your breath was stolen as he forcefully slid his tongue into your mouth, exploring your warmth with intensity, pressing his body against yours.

Your hands instinctively found his neck, but they couldn't stay still as William, using his size to his advantage, guided you out of the kitchen and into the bedroom. Clothes were shed along the way, leaving a trail of passion in their wake.

The intensity was so overwhelming that you barely registered how quickly you ended up standing by the bed, clad only in your lacy thong, as William's mouth continued to ravage yours until he breathlessly stepped back.

"On your hands and knees," his voice commanded roughly, his breath heavy and his eyes filled with lust.

And feeling your cunt already pulsating merely from the sound of his voice, you removed your last piece of fabric, and obeyed without hesitation.

William couldn't help but smirk as he admired the sight of your exposed cheeks before him. And as he lowered his boxers, freeing his hard cock, he slowly joined you on the mattress, kneeling behind you as he let his hands explore your soft skin.

"So you want me to let go, baby," he spoke darkly from behind, his mind clouded with thoughts of what he wanted to do to you. “I’ll fucking let go.”

And by encouragement form you, be withdrew his large hand from your ass, intensely stared at your ass before delivering a hard slap against your skin.

"Oh fuck..." you cried out, feeling the sting of his spank.

"You liked that, huh?" William inquired darkly, and all you could do was nod, earning another hard spank.

His force was harsh. Harder than you’d ever been playfully spanked before, and you could tell he was releasing some negative energy with two more intense smacks. His breath heavy and deep but his fifth and last spank, which had beautifully decorated your skin with a red hue.

And as you let out a soft cry mixed with a pleasure-filled moan, William felt satisfied with his actions. Shifting slightly in his position, he teased the tip of his cock against your entrance.

"Do you think you deserve this?" he asked, his voice filled with desire. “You think you deserve to be fucked?”

You could feel nothing but your muscles pulsating between your legs, yearning to be filled by his length.

"Yes," you whimpered, your legs trembling with anticipation.

"Good girl..." 

And with a forceful thrust, William slammed his cock into you, burying himself deep inside your cunt and hitting your very depths.

His hands gripped your waist firmly as he established a steady rhythm of forceful thrusts, channeling all his frustration and annoyance into each powerful movement. With every slam, he felt himself releasing the pent-up tension, letting go of the negativity that had been weighing on him.

It was almost too overwhelming for you. His vigorous thrusts caused your body to tremble, pushing you closer to orgasm much quicker than anticipated as he pounded and overstimulated your walls.

Usually it’d take more than just forceful penetrating sex like this to give you that pleasurable high, however with William’s merciless performance, you suddenly found yourself nearing a peak. 

And as if you had no control over yourself, your moans grew louder with each collision of skin against skin, and soon you found yourself clutching onto the sheets beneath you.

"Willy," you breathed, your voice filled with need. "I'm gonna come..."

Your words were music to his ears, mingling with moans and cries as he revelled in the pleasure he was giving you. And with no intention of slowing down, he continued to fuck you hard and fast.

"Oh fuck... Willy..." you cried out, your cunt dripping with juices as you threw your head back and allowed yourself to reach the peak of ecstasy, waves of climax rushing over your body.

William could feel how your walls clenched tightly around him as you embraced your orgasm, relishing in the sight of you closing your eyes in ecstasy and feeling your body shake and surrender to him.

And though as much as he wanted to continue fucking you hard and bring you to multiple orgasms, he also felt the urgency for his own release.

So, he paused his movements, allowing you to come down from the euphoria and catch your breath, before gently withdrawing his length from your dripping core. It was a sight to behold, seeing how perfectly your heat fit him, reflecting the pleasure he had given you.

But for now, he desired something else from you.

"I want you on your knees, baby, on the floor," his husky voice commanded, and with a deep breath, you summoned the strength to move your body.

Despite your legs feeling like jelly beneath you, you managed to manoeuvre from the bed to the middle of the room, where you flashed William a confident smirk as you knelt before him. You knew exactly what he wanted, and you were more than willing to give it to him.

Then patiently waiting for him to draw closer, you glanced up at him with desire in your eyes, parting your lips slightly as he approached. You yearned to taste him, to feel his hardness against your tongue, and even to savor your own essence.

And William happily gave it to you.

Holding his cock before your mouth, he gazed intensely down at you, silently granting you permission to take him.

Without hesitation, you accepted. Wrapping your lips around the tip, you began by circling it with your tongue. Then taking a deep breath through your nose, you focused on relaxing the back of your throat, guiding him in slowly and effortlessly. You felt him reach the back of your mouth, but you allowed him to push in further.

Gently withdrawing your head slightly, you coated his shaft with your saliva before taking him in entirely once again. And while taking your time, you savoured the sensation before starting to move your head in rhythmic motions, bobbing up and down on his length. Your lips wrapped around him as you moved, using your dominant hand where your mouth couldn't reach.

William's fingers found the back of your hair, gently gripping it as he began to let his hips move in sync with your motions. And as the pleasurable sensations intensified, so did his actions.

You allowed him to take control, something you wouldn't normally do as you needed to manage your gag reflex and breathing. But tonight was William's night to let loose, which meant allowing him to guide his cock in and out of your mouth.

And while feeling his grip tighten in your hair, you managed to glance up at him through your lashes and saw how he tilted his head back, surrendering to the moment.

"Fuck, your mouth feels so good," he mumbled between moans.

Knowing exactly how to push him over the edge, you released your hand from around the base of his cock and placed both palms on his muscular thighs. Taking another deep breath, you prepared yourself as best you could before letting him push his shaft all the way into your throat, causing your nose to brush against his pubic hair. Holding still for a few seconds, you allowed yourself to gag around his cock before pulling off completely and gasping for air.

"Oh shit! Fuck, babe," William panted above you as you stroked his length. "That's fucking hot."

And you knew it was. William had often expressed his love for your blowjobs, and sometimes hinted at his desire for more dominant behaviour. While he had never actually choked you with his cock, he had shown some interest, which was how you knew he would enjoy how you forced him all the way down.

Then taking another breath, you placed both hands on his thighs once more and took him back into your mouth. And this time, William wanted nothing more than to come for you. Knowing how good you could be for him, he held onto you firmly, meeting your eyes as he thrust against your mouth.

It was forceful and dominant, as he relished every gagging noise you made. And as he fucked your mouth faster, he felt himself on the brink of climax.

"Oh yes, baby, that’s it! Oh, I'll never get enough of you," he moaned, his eyes shutting tightly. "Your mouth is so fucking..." But his words were cut off by a deep grunt as his climax took over, and he unleashed his load into your warmth.

You felt his muscles tense under your touch, your nails digging into them as he held his cock in your mouth, ensuring you received every single drop he had to offer.

Both of you remained still for a brief moment as William came down from his high, and holding back your instincts, you gazed up at him as you waited for his approval.

Slowly, he pulled himself out of your mouth, allowing you to taste every inch of his shaft. And locking eyes with you once more, he issued his final command.

"Swallow."

With a gulp, you let his raw cum slide down your throat, before releasing a light sensual gasp. It was nothing but an intense moment of sexual silence as you stared up at the man before you.

"Shit, baby, you're way too good at this," his dark words praised, and slowly he helped you to your feet.

"Did I at least help you with the frustrations?" you chuckled lightly.

"Oh, yes, you did," William replied, flashing you a great smile before pulling you into a cuddle. "How about a shower?"

"How about we heat up dinner?" you suggested with a laugh.

"Good idea - but shower first."

It felt as if all the tension had dissipated, as if there were no lingering issues anymore. Yet, a part of you remained uncertain about the true nature of your relationship with William.

As you enjoyed a later dinner after the post-sex shower, smiles gracing both of your faces, you couldn't help but ponder what was going on inside William's mind.

However, as you cuddled up, feeling satisfied in every aspect, he beat you to the conversation.

"Hey... thanks for... you know, today," he started softly, his thumb caressing your shoulder as his arms enveloped you, turning his head to face you.

"Of course, it's what I'm here for," you replied with a content smile.

"Yeah, I know, it's just..." he continued softly, struggling to articulate his thoughts. "You don't have to... let me do that... you could’ve just walked away after what happened at the rink."

"I know, but I didn’t want to walk away... Willy, I know I'm not exactly your girlfriend or anything, but whatever this is, to me, it's something..."

"Exactly... and I guess I just... I don't know how to say it, but I just feel like there might be more... you're so amazing, and I just really want you around, all the time... and I understand if that's not what you want, because it's not always easy with me, but... if you want to, I'd like to have you..."

His last words almost came out in slow motion, uncertainty evident in how he expressed his feelings.

"Willy, are you asking me to be your girlfriend?"

"Yeah... I think I am."

You were slightly taken aback by his question. Despite being intimate and spending a lot of time together for months, you didn't think William was considering this direction. On the contrary actually, you had been nervous he wanted to end it because of the increasing intensity of the season.

"Yes, Willy... of course I'd want to be your girlfriend," you finally managed to speak, the words carrying a mix of joy and relief. "Babe, I was honestly afraid you'd had enough of me...."

It was a moment you had both anticipated and feared, but now that it was here, it felt nothing but right. Leaning in, you sealed your answer with a tender kiss, a silent affirmation of your commitment to each other.

William's eyes sparkled with happiness as he returned the kiss, his arms pulling you closer. It was a moment of clarity amidst the chaos of life, a moment where everything just felt right.

"Oh, I already told you; I'll never get enough of you," he whispered against your lips, his voice filled with warmth and sincerity. 

[etinceelle]

Now that I experienced it, I honestly think that the best way to enjoy something is to do it with only a bunch of people

Last year before RWBY V9 and while it aired I posted fanarts not really imagining that it could reach so much people. I did fanarts before during V8 too, during the hiatus as well, but I never got an audience that huge before

I'm not saying I regret anything of course because everything was super fine until summer. A lot of people started to like my work and it even got shared on other RWBY groups on platforms where I wasn't and when I think about it it's huge for me

It was all fine when it was me drawing something I enjoyed to share it with others who like it as well. I didn't notice how it changed in some way to become more like me drawing stuff for people to enjoy (don't get me wrong, I always loved drawing Nuts and Dolts for example, but having so much people following me for it made me thought without realizing it that I needed to draw them to make people happy no matter what).

And when today I look back at V9 and how I enjoyed it and other pieces of media before, I find myself thinking that I ended up not drawing for myself and I started to realize it with the Kofi requests last summer, but still continued.

I just thought about all this lately and taking some distance does help a lot. At the moment I know the situation on Twitter didn't help with that, but I don't feel like drawing RWBY stuff just because it comes and goes and I shouldn't force myself. And I know no one ever did or said anything about that, it's all me putting that pressure on myself because I never knew how to handle so much people following you and "expectations" in some way. I saw it when people called me "the NND CEO", "the NND artist ever", and I liked it with the hype and all but it definitely wasn't my goal and never has been (even if I know it's mostly a "title" because my main RWBY content is still Nuts and Dolts, and it did a lot of good on people apparently)

It's pretty strange how I never imagined just a single thing such as gaining an audience like that could change so much about the way you work, the way you see art, why do you draw etc. I had a "tiny" audience before, and I can't blame people for following me for one specific thing, but I wish they could also stop make assumptions and put on you the version of you they imagined, because that's also something that happened from people expecting me to be things I wasn't.

Anyway, I want to take a step back from all of this, go back to drawing stuff when I feel like it, I've been drawing my story a lot lately as well as some fanarts of SSO, Wakfu... And when I have more time with uni I'd like to go back to my online course to continue learning about concept art and digital painting. RWBY hype and motivation will come back when it's the time, and it won't be for anyone but myself

[tokiro07]

Undead Unluck ch.236 thoughts

[These Hearts of Ours Are Burning Red! Their Loud Cry Tells Us to Enjoy Life!]

(Topics: reaction - praise, character analysis - Soul/Sun/Luna/Andy, speculation - Luna/Ruin/epilogue)

Man, what a finale! I've read countless Jump manga over the past twenty years or so, most of which were cut down prematurely, but even among the small handful that successfully made it to their intended conclusions, this might just be the best climax I've seen from any of them

Of course it remains to be seen how well the epilogue really ties it all together, but as far as final battles go at least, this may well become, for me, the gold standard for capping off a series' themes and throughlines. Everything comes together here: the romance, the battles, the power system, the character arcs, the message...it all meshes so well that it's actually difficult for me to come up with anything to say!

Andy and Fuuko so blatantly call back to all of the story's ideas and themes that the chapter really does speak for itself, and my analyses all feel like a rote recitation of the events of the chapter. What can I possibly say that will add to this chapter or make it more impactful for folks?

Still, it'd be a shame to just be silent after such an excellent chapter, and I'd hate to break tradition right at the end! Though, I suppose in a way that's exactly what this chapter is about, huh?

We've Got New Rules

This week's chapter opens by reworking Soul's final line from last week, this time opting to translate it as unfamiliarity with Love being a Rule rather than being a meaningless concept to him. This changes the context of his objection from being that Soul himself is a loveless being to Soul (and by extension, Sun) rejecting the notion that humanity is capable of creating their own Rules

I said last week that it was the role of the Gods to create Rules and the role of humanity to interpret them, but the very existence of Love as a Rule challenges that idea. The Gods didn't create it, humanity did, and as it took out a fusion of every extant antagonistic UMA, it's proving superior to all of the Rules that came before

In other words, in no longer simply negating the Rules, but creating them, humanity has reached the Gods, the end goal of Sun and Luna's game. The Negators are about to beat the game not simply by brute-forcing the final boss, but by proving the boss is no longer needed and humanity can look after itself

The lingering question now that Sun is defeated, though, is what's going to happen to Luna?

Where Do We Go From Here?

Luna spent this chapter looking pretty nervous, and while it'll probably become clear in the epilogue exactly why, for now I think there's a lot of ways to read into that

Considering that she's about to watch Sun die, I think it's easy to look at it as the situation finally sinking in: that this eons-long game is finally about to end, and the status quo will be permanently changed. Whatever Luna's opinion on Sun is, whether she liked him or considered him a bitter rival, the two of them have been together for eternity, and that time is now definitely coming to an end. Even if it's what she wanted, Luna may have never thought it would actually get to this point, or at the very least she was never emotionally prepared for it. She may now, only now, finally be realizing that she does, in fact, understand love, she just didn't know she had it until the moment when she's about to lose it, just like Victor back in L100

Alternatively, it may be because of her attachment to her players. She's been the Game Master almost as long as she and Sun have been in this world, so if she's capable of loving Sun, it stands to reason that she feels something for the Union as well. Now that the end is here, she may not want to see them go - the sadistic choice she built into The Heart for her own entertainment backfiring and forcing her to watch the love she built up being lost while the Union throws their own around with a smile

Or, it could just be self-preservation. As she says, all of the UMA, Artifacts and Negator abilities are going to disappear, but if that's true, then what purpose does she even have? Can she even exist in a world without Sun? If Andy is going to "die" without Fuuko, and Luna may love Sun, then doesn't that mean without Sun, Luna is going to die as well?

If she does, what happens to her? The Rules won't exist anymore, so it stands to reason that Subspace, where souls go after death, won't exist anymore either, right? Unless that wasn't an aspect of the Rule of Souls and was itself simply a characteristic of the greater universe, but in that case, does that mean that Sun, Luna and the UMA will actually keep existing?

And what about the UMA that are friendly? Are you telling me that Clothy betrayed and helped defeat God just to be erased? No happy ending for Clothy? And poor Ruin, he's going to lose the only family he has in Blood and Shadow?

No. No, I don't like that. Ruin hasn't even come back from space yet, and you're telling me he's supposed to reform after having everything taken from him? I don't buy it, and in fact, I think that's the very reason Ruin hasn't come back yet: Tozuka doesn't like that plan either

In a Perfect World

A few weeks ago, I mentioned I had an idea for how Ruin would play into the aftermath of defeating Sun, but I neglected to go into detail because I didn't want to divert too hard from what was happening in the moment. Now that we're seeing the possibility for an ending that explicitly leaves out one of our most beloved cast members, though, I think the time has come for me to share what I came up with

Ruin's belief is that the world that God created is inherently perfect, that the status quo is correct and deviation from it is wrong. This is why is birthmark in L100 and scar in L101 never faded after becoming Unruin, because he believed that his suffering was part of God's plan, and therefore was already perfect: unruined

However, because he believed that God's will was perfect, he also never made any attempt to reinterpret Unruin as an ability; why would he? It's perfect the way God made it. It doesn't need to change, and there's nothing anyone can meaningfully do to ruin God's world in the first place anyway, so why bother doing something so superfluous as externalizing Unruin?

With this chapter, we realize that the answer to that question is the same as the answer to every other question: for Love, of course

Ruin loves the world as it is. He loves God and the Rules, he wants a world of order, one that makes sense. In L100, Ruin believed that the Rules created by humans were arbitrary and imbalanced, and there may well be some truth to that: as I said, the Love that humanity has just used to slay God is condemning the UMAs that weren't fighting on God's behalf. Is humanity's Love reserved for humans?

If so, then no matter how limitless it is as a power source, Love is inherently flawed, imperfect...

Ruinous

Ruin cannot possibly abide by such an unfair world that would go out of its way to make everyone happy except for him and the one demographic that he actually cares about, so it would only make sense that his capstone would be to negate the ruin of the world as God made it

Originally, my thinking was that Ruin would externalize Unruin specifically to fix the physical damage that Sun is doing to the Earth, as the very continents are currently being shattered by his attacks, but with the revelation that the UMA are set to simply be deleted, I think it's also likely that, like him, they'll be given a second chance in the final, validated iteration of the world

I don't know how this will manifest in every case, but I imagine that the majority of UMA will actually reincarnate as humans. Monsterous UMA like Spring would still be large and imposing folks, but he'd be able to play games without scaring off everyone who sees his face. The more humanoid UMAs like the Superior Rules would retain the majority of their designs, and would likely end up in parts of society that allow them to continue to live as they please

It's funny to think about UMA getting jobs, but just imagine Change becoming an actress, being able to become a new person every day, never stagnating as any one thing. Maybe she'll even star opposite Sean, with expert makeup artist Gina perfectly transforming both of them as they're seen by all

There's a happy ending in there for everyone if you look hard enough, and I just don't see Tozuka leaving us with the bittersweet aftertaste that would come with sacrificing Clothy of all characters, so I have to assume that Ruin's notable absence is meant to facilitate a workaround to that oversight

If I'm wrong though and Tozuka just...didn't really consider how upsetting that would be, at the very least Tozuka has kept the focus on the most important thing: Andy and Fuuko's relationship

Together Forever

Before dealing the final blow, Andy thanks Fuuko for giving him a way to die: being forgotten by Fuuko. I suggested a few weeks ago that this logic was going to be how Andy saved her, externalizing Undead to protect Fuuko's memories, but instead Andy's accepting that he's going to die with Fuuko

I thought that was kind of an odd thing for him to say at first, since a) in a literal sense he'll still be alive, and b) it definitely doesn't fit the idea of the Greatest Death Ever, but then Andy kept going. He says that if/when he and Fuuko meet again, he'll revive

It may be obvious to say, but this isn't the death that Andy wants, and he has no intention of letting it be what takes him out. It's going to hurt, it's going to be hard, and it'll feel like dying, but after it's all over, their life together can truly begin

Until next time, let's enjoy life!

[serpentface]

As someone who watches a lot of insect husbandry videos who also enjoys imagining OCs based in other folks lore—- could an Archin colony be raised by/live along side another species? Or does the wider consciousness make it too hard to find Queen without some kinda Entourage Unit to be like ‘no we don’t wanna hang out with your unit’. Your world seems to have a p set timeline (or at least set in the sense it seems ur focusing on specific eras) but I can’t help but wonder what the future will be like for all these folks. I truly wish them the best. But they also feel very. Human (sophonts all grown in disapproval). So I could see them gettin into all kinds of trouble down the line as we do.

I haven't entirely thought about this notion before..

'Adoption'-esque events are unlikely because a colony of archin is entirely self-sustaining (it may form wider allyships but does not require external support to continue existing)

The closest thing would be a single unit of archin surviving the destruction of the rest of their colony + the queen. An archin colony can rebuild itself from virtually nothing so long as they have their queen (though any units who die in the meantime will not be reformed, this is a unique 'person' that will never truly exist again), but without their 'womb' they will slowly die. In most cases where units are severed from their queen, the unit will be absorbed into an allied colony, or possibly killed by a hostile one.

If an archin colony that has reached the mainland ends up in this situation, finding another colony to merge into its unlikely, so that's a circumstance where an adoption-esque event could occur. If they managed to establish mutual communication with a sophont individual, they could become attached and treat them as a surrogate for a colony.

The unit would look for a sense of purpose in working towards a shared goal of themselves and their individual colony surrogate, in this case likely placing their ally's priorities above their own (archin units have personalities and can be highly opinionated, but will usually defer to group consensus in their colony- if their 'colony' is them and one individual person, they would still conceptualize that person as a group majority- they are not psychologically equipped to truly understand being simultaneously individual and sapient). They would seem very needy, wanting to remain in near constant communication and contact. Their ally would be basically covered in ants.

This dynamic would be 'unhealthy' by the standards of both species. I'd compare it to a parrot forming a mate bond with its human owner, it's using a human as a surrogate for social needs that they cannot truly provide, and at best merely approximate.

Units are an emergent property of a shifting group of 50+ individual archin who are constantly being replenished by new births, so this partnership would not last long, and within a year or two all members of the unit will have died. They would also slowly grow less communicative as their numbers drop (the lower number of individuals would simplify the computational power of their collective 'brain') until it's just a dwindling handful non-sapient ants, still bonded to their non-ant ally by scent.

A much likelier and less sad variant would be a colony (or an individual unit still attached to a colony) bonding with an individual person as an ally. I HAVE thought of this sort of thing before and it definitely happens.

This isn't like an adoption, more just an allyship and friendship. The bond would likely form as one mutually beneficial towards shared goals. The unit/colony involved would see this as a partnership between equals, and would not automatically defer to their ally (and may be very argumentative), but would be quite 'fair' in distribution of resources, and predisposed towards compromise and teamwork, so long as they remain convinced you share mutual goals and good intentions.

I've been thinking that most positive relationships between archin migrants and human mainlanders have formed around agriculture. An archin colony settling on your land and working towards a shared harvest would be highly beneficial for both parties, so long as there has been very effective and comprehensive communication methods developed. The archin get a safe place to nest, defense from predation, and access to a stable resource, the humans get sapient, tiny people on their lands who can perform excellent and near-constant pest control, and identify diseased crops and other issues much more effectively than humans can. Even in the case of a large colony that could eat a lot of crops, they would not necessarily compete heavily for resources, and can use some types of agricultural waste material to farm their own food (mostly types of fungus).

[litsen-lithenna]

How the idea of Astarion's ascension affected me

Foreword: This is going to be very personal, based on my experience and my traumas. I’m quite sure most of you won’t find it relatable, but oh well. The thing is that I had this  "epiphany" a few weeks ago, and it helped me understand a few things about myself and how I relate to Astarion’s struggles. I’m obviously projecting a lot of myself here, so I don’t expect anyone to relate.

Trigger warnings: Eating disorders, self-destruction (take care).

So, I was sitting at home, imagining my Durge asking Astarion one question: “If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?” And as I tried to figure out what Astarion would/could answer, my mind began to spiral in many dark places, and I started to project the whole thing onto myself and my own past…  (that’s also why we are drawn to specific fictional characters; we relate to them, right?)

I’ll try to sum up the whole thought process and I’m sorry, it’s going to be messy (and quite repetitive? idk)... It’s still difficult for me to express it clearly.

Astarion mostly wants to be safe. And considering how he was brought to believe that power = safety, he believes (from act 1 to the ritual), that he will only be perfectly safe if he’s amazingly powerful. Therefore, before getting to Cazador, he would have probably answered something like "I'd like to be more powerful" -> to be able to control others so that they don’t control me (his sense of safety).

Back to my old self: I struggled for all my life with eating disorders, and at several points in my life, I would have answered: "I’d like to be thinner”. I associated being thin with being in control of my body - and I thought being thinner would help me become more self-confident, since being control is reassuring.

When I first started to fall deeply into anorexia at the end of my teenage years, I was in a very dark place, I felt awful in my life and my body. I was convinced that if I could be thinner, I’d be finally able to love myself, and I’d be much more self-confident, much happier, etc. But it didn’t work that way (obviously), because the thing is that, to my eyes, I was never thin enough, no matter how skinny I was (even when I was almost starving myself to death). I was never thin enough to be happy or be self-confident, contrary to what I had believed in the first place. I was never good enough.

And even in the brief moments during which I found my body "ok", or "not too bad", I wasn’t respecting my body, because I was mad at it for not being able to make me happy. I couldn't control my body as much as I wanted to. And I was straining my body more and more because it wasn’t able to be thiner -> to make me love myself.

Whereas when you love yourself in the first place, you don’t care if you lose or gain 5 or 10kg; you accept yourself as you are, and you’re enough, no matter what.

Now, replace "be thinner” by “be more powerful”, and that’s how I made the connection with Astarion when he has to make his mind about the ritual, and what happens if he ascends.

If he refuses to ascend, he accepts himself as he is, without the power with which he would be able to be in control. And he’s fine just like this, he learns to heal as he learns to accept it. He learns to love his real self just as he is.

Whereas if he ascends, he doesn't learn to really love himself just as he is, without all this power. And he keeps on believing that only power can make him worthy and happy, so when he realises that even with power, he doesn't feel happy, he'll think he needs more power...but it's never enough. (just like my old self with the idea of getting thinner: It's never enough, because even when I reach my "goal", I'm not happy, so I'll keep on starving myself... until I almost die).

Since he never learned to accept who he really is in the first place, no matter how powerful he becomes, he will never be enough; We don't know how the situation will evolve after the game for AA, but eventually, he might come to hate that situation, and secretly keep on believing that he’s not enough compared to the biased image he has of who he "should be" (his words).

The common point is, again, about control : Astarion thinks he would be safer if he can control others, I thought I’d be safer if I could control my body.

And of course, in both cases, there is the painful fear of losing control. In Astarion's case, he wants to ascend because without the ascension, he fears that he might be controlled by others again. In my case, it was about the control over my own body: I was terrified by the idea of gaining weight because to me, it meant that I was losing control over my body and I wrongly associated that to a form of weakness (which is not).

Because the real issue is not about being in control in order to be thinner or more powerful, the real issue is that both Astarion and I didn't love ourselves in the first place. The real issue is about accepting yourself as you are, even if you don't control everything. Control is not the key to happiness.

Since I’m still sometimes struggling with some of the aforementioned issues, I was at first very confused with Astarion’s different paths. Luckily after many runs and a lot of thinking, I’m at peace with it now, but it wasn’t instinctive. In my first runs, when I didn’t ascend him, I could experience a weird feeling of dissatisfaction. Even though I was very well aware that UA was the path in which Astarion would learn to be happy, although I knew that without the ascension, he would be able to understand that he is enough just as he is (without all this power), and although my character loved him like this, I couldn’t help thinking “yeah, but power, you know… power is *nice*...” And I hated myself for having that kind of intrusive thoughts. It's so violent in regard to the character. It would be like telling him “I love you just as you are, but if you could be more powerful that would pretty cool.” So freaking toxic.

And it felt like my old demon was coming back. When I look at myself in the mirror, I know that I’d be happier and healthier if I didn’t care so much about “being thinner”, but still, there's that little voice in my mind which comes back to say: “yeah, but if you could be thinner… wouldn't it be nice?” -- and that is a very violent thing to say to yourself or to someone else.

Realising that i was relating to Astarion on that level (among others) was extremely useful, it helped me realize how I still struggle with that "lack of control". And if today I’m not completely at peace with myself, at least I am with Astarion.

In the end, I think one of the "honest" answer to the question “what would you change about yourself” could be : "respect myself more, be kinder to myself and learn to love myself just as I am". I'm not sure Astarion would ever admit it out loud though, or even acknowledge it. But now I can do it, for myself and the character.

Obviously, I am not pretending that my experience is the only truth about the character; it's my own "reality", based on my own experience, and you have your own, and that's why fiction is so important. I don’t really have any conclusion to this long post, but thanks for reading it <3

[xxsycamore]

Fanfic Writer Wrapped - 2024 Version!

I saw @rjthirsty do this and figured it's a great excuse to ramble for a bit! The last days of the year were hectic for me and I couldn't say much outside of the statistics I put together for my Writing summary, so I'll do that now. Credit goes to @asirensrage !

What fic did you work on the most this year? Without a doubt, Monster Villains Night (NSFW). I totally underestimated what I was getting into, with it hitting 7,825 words overall. It was Halloween Eve when I came up with the idea for it, 12 different smut scenarios with 12 different monsters, thinking "what if... Nine Nights but without the plot and with shorter scenarios... I can get it done RIGHT NOW!" - I didn't. I remember I was drinking and when I returned to my laptop later that night, already sleepy and tired, the wip left at scenario #2, I was mad at the thought of missing the holiday's timeframe so I came up with the idea to divide it into 3 parts, four scenarios each. I willed myself to write the remaining two for part 1, a bit half-assedly, and posted it. Thinking that I'd get the two other parts done with in the next couple of days. Part 2 was posted a whole month later 😭 The reason? The nature of the fic itself. The focus is the monsterfucking, of course, and since I haven't written that before, I wanted to do it justice. But also this is anonymous sex, so another key feature is putting just the right amount of traits and mannerisms of the characters so the reader can have fun guessing who is who. But also we can't get straight into it because sexual tension is important. But also, it has to make sense where and how the deed is done with that fixed setting of a party in Crown castle. And returning to the first point, do you know how demanding Monsterfucking is? You have to know your monster, and you have to make use of their inhuman traits in ways you might not have considered if all you wrote so far is human sex. I mean, that's the exact mental gymnastics that make me love writing, the problem is that it's not happening as fast as I want it to happen. A large chunk of me working on this series was brainstorming and researching different monsters. Matching monsters with suitors. Coming up with the stupid adjectives for the titles, HAHA. It all kept me stimulated for a long time, and I admit it took me so long because somewhere along the way I started thinking "if I'm gonna write monsterfucking once, then might as well write it properly", going all in. Some scenarios reached 1k words because of that, and I'm not a fan of the inconsistency in both the length and the quality, but oh well! I got stuck on scenario #8 for a while, but as the year approached its end, I got motivated to finish at least this part - and the satisfaction of posting it somehow motivated me to write all the remaining scenarios the very next day, I don't know how did that happen. Now that it's all been done, I'm really proud of it! In the end, the idea has been executed. It was a small ark in my writing journey, another new thing I tried!

Did you have any fic writing goals? Did you meet them? Yes, I do actually set writing goals at the beginning of each year! I never know how busy or stressed I might be during the upcoming year, so I try to make the goals as realistic as possible - setting a total wordcount that is far below what I usually reach, for instance. Some of my goals are "write at least 1 of the special napo fics that I've been planning to write since 2020" (i failed to do this one, again) and "write the remaining requests" (I'll be frank here i don't even know what this is referring to but i nope i didn't do it, i have a fresh batch of requests however). But I don't put a big importance on those goals, so it's all fine!

How many fics did you work on this year? 111, ficlets and headcanons included.

How many new fics did you post this year? Almost all of them.

Did you update any old/previously posted fics this year? What were they? Oh, the Napoleon kink headcanons! I'll be updating this series from time to time, and requests for them are always open. Other than that, I finished Paradiso Terrestre (NSFW), the birthday mini-series for Napoleon that I started last year.

Do you have a favourite fic you wrote? Nine Nights (NSFW), but King's Game (NSFW) is a close second.

What’s your favourite passage that you wrote this year? Good thing I've made a handy compilation of passages from all my works this year! (under the cut of this post) I'd pick this one, from Nine Nights (NSFW) - Your gaze moves from Liam’s pretty lips curling in a small laughter as he conversates with Harrison, to Harrison stretching out while he listens; to Elbert’s tall frame as he looks out the window next to them, to Alfons staring at him, putting one leg over the other as he stirs the steamy liquid in his cup. - Nothing special about it at first glance, but this is the turning point in the fic - this thorough observation shows that the reader's principles have already snapped, she can't help but fill her head with impure thoughts.

Favourite line of dialogue this year? “…What’s a Nissan Pulsar?”

Favourite POV? (or rather what POV did you use the most this year?) Reader's POV, of course! I love using it and directing the attention towards what I assume would be most interesting about the situation for the person who's reading the fic. Also, reader's POV in Napoleon fics feels so natural because I'm practically writing my own POV, hehe! I tend to be a bit more self-indulgent in those, but I still keep a general Reader's POV in mind.

Did you find yourself repeating a word or phrase in your writing this year? If so, what was it? I'm sure there's at least one I'm not aware of HAHA... It's definitely something in the smut fics, a specific description of an action...? Maybe the way I describe the climax. Also, while I try to avoid eponymous adjectives (I just don't like those! the blonde, the French, the taller man, etc...) but for some reason I've replaced Alfons' name with "the hedonist" at least a couple of times. I just like it, I don't know why.

How did you help other writers this year? (i.e. leaving comments, reviews, beta reading, offering advice, etc) Similar to what happened to my writing in 2024 compared to the previous year, I've also left fewer but longer comments. I can't help myself when I think "this small detail here, the writer would be so happy to know I noticed and appreciated it, so I have to make sure I point it out!" and suddenly I've written a lengthy comment once again... I want to find the balance about this too, just like with my own writing, so that I can have the energy for a larger quantity. Because there are so many fics I like but sometimes I stupidly leave without saying anything because "I can't find the words to say anything worthy for the quality of this fic" - while at the same time knowing full well as a fellow writer that a mere keysmash is more than enough........ It's hard! Other than that, I wrote a post with Tips about writing Napoleon! The challenges I hosted might count towards helping writers, I hope? Especially the masterlists, I sincerely hope I'm giving the writers at least some reach that way. Beta reading is not my forte :D Please don't ask me to do that for you, I'm gonna leave the worst typos untouched without realizing it. But giving advice, I'm always open to that, so please don't hesitate if you have a question, I'll do my best to help.

Did you receive any advice that resonated to you this year? I've seen so many posts through the years nudging writers to be more self-indulgent but I think in 2024 I listened to them the most. While looking back at my stuff for the Writing summary, I just had to stop to fully read fics like Overheat (NSFW) and Crybaby (NSFW) because, well, it's something I'd stop to read. I could have written it differently in some parts to appeal to what I THINK might be more widely considered sexy, but instead, I wrote it the way I felt like in the moment, to my own liking.

What did you enjoy most about writing fic this year? As usual, sealing the moment, capturing the mood I was at the moment of writing those fics. Being able to look at a fic title and instantly go back and remember where I was sitting while I wrote it, what was the weather like, what part of the day it was, what song I listened to on repeat.

What did you enjoy the least? My perfectionism getting in the way, more than usual too. I can't seal the moment if I'm stuck on trying to reword something, I have a limited time before the mood changes and I don't have inspiration anymore.

Who was your favourite character to write for? Napoleon is a given but other than him I want to say Clavis and Alfons.

Did you have a song on repeat while writing this year? THANK YOU FOR THIS QUESTION. The notable ones are Four out of Five by Arctic Monkeys for King's Game (NSFW) (since the atmosphere was so similar to Late August Night Tryst (NSFW) where I directly reference the song); Salvatore By Lana Del Rey for Overheat (NSFW); Driving My Love by Anri for Joyride (NSFW); Put Me In A Movie (No Kung Fu version) by Lana Del Rey for Lights, Camera, Action (NSFW); The Wretched by Nine Inch Nails for Nine Nights (NSFW); Prom Song Gone Wrong by Lana Del Rey for Ludus (NSFW).

Did you make any playlists for your fics this year? What are they? The playlist I made especially for Monster Villains Night (NSFW) which you can find linked somewhere under the title. It was really fun to think of a song to fit each of the 12 monsters.

What’s your favourite thing you made for your fic or character this year? (such as pinterest, moodboards, gifs, etc) The layouts I make for each fic should count since I do get out of my way to make some of the banners into gifs ontop of editing them... I did a mini moldboard for the final part of Paradiso Terreste! (NSFW) The playlist from the previous question too, of course.

What was your most commonly used tag for your fics (on ao3, tumblr, etc)? Oh that's fun, let's find out (god bless ao3's filtering system)... Vaginal Sex (12) .... okay, fair.

Did you participate in any fic writing challenges this year? Not as much as I wanted to, definitely less than in previous years. I wanted to participate in my friends' challenges but in the end I only participated barely in my own challenges. However, I hosted what I think was my best challenge so far, the Sexy Ikemen Summer! I've made a whole post rambling about it on my main blog, so I'm not gonna talk about it here but it was a great project to work on. Visions of Temptation 2024 too, my 5th kinktober challenge. I also joined an Ikevil Gift Exchange which was really fun!

What was your favourite comment/review you received this year? Oh, this is really hard! I have to say that I appreciate them all, I really do remember many of the comments I've received through the years. If I have to pick one, I'll go with this one (if the person is reading this hi hello I hope you're having a great day thank you once again ❤ ). But the comments under Nine Nighs as a whole are very special to me because many of the readers confessed that they're not into that kink but ended up enjoying it, so I'm extra thankful that they decided to give it a try!

What was your top-rated/commented fic this year? ...I'm NOT gonna link it again, but Nine Nighs. I often have this feeling that I'm writing my Magnum Opus (and often say so on my main) but this time I really felt it. I still can't believe I was able to put my brain to work for long enough to write it the way it is, all things considered - it was a pretty rough time of the year for me. My most popular fic overall remains Office Activities (w Roy Mustang) but I'm absolutely bewildered that an ikemen series fic reached up to just 100 notes short of it.

Were there any ideas you wanted to work on this year but you didn’t? ...too many to my own liking. I know it's normal to have wips you eventually abandon, but I'm usually the type to work on one idea at a time and rarely leave unfinished works. This year I've abandoned a Raul Aconite (Cupid Parasite) smut, a Tendo Amahiko (Charisma House) smut, a fic about Leonardo and Napoleon having a bromance moment and bonding over Italian, a Sakaguchi Ango (Bungou to Alchemist) smut, an ikevamp crackfic, one NSFW Napoleon headcanon, two or three Napoleon smuts, and a Tomoegata Naginata (Touken Ranbu) smut... I hope to pick up and finish at least one of them, but I find it very hard to work on something once I lose the time window of my inspiration for it.

Were there any new fandoms or genres you explored this year? In 2023 I wrote for 8 new fandoms, whereas in 2024 I wrote for 0 new fandoms. That's it if we don't count the wips, of course, but I'm still unfulfilled with this... I hope this changes in 2025! As for genres, I don't think I've written anything new, but I did explore more tropes this year, especially nsfw ones.

Is there anything you want to write or try to explore in your writing next year? I want to write more headcanon-type works (something like Our Little Family), I want to try different styles of writing, I want to write shorter works that I feel satisfied with, but most of all I just want to have fun and capture more moments from my daydreams.

Do you have a goal for next year? If so, what is it? To write at least 2 of the Napoleon fics I've had in my head for years. To finish both my 1,5k and 2k followers celebration event requests. To finish at least 1 of last year's wips. To write for at least 3 new characters.

What are your hopes and/or desires for yourself and for other fic writers in the next year? To become even more self-indulgent! I want to write and read fics that feature those specific little details that you just know the author put there because it's something they personally felt/saw/experienced. To leave perfectionism behind and post unpolished works. To be more generous with commenting and giving support to each other.

Ao3 Specific Stats - How many people subscribed to you this year? (User subscriptions) 124 people have me in their email... Why can't I deliberately send them stuff? I want to wish them a good day or something...

What were your total kudos this year? 785!

How many comment threads were created on your fics? 38, many of which I haven't replied to yet and I feel terribly guilty about that.

How many people subscribed to your fics? 14

What was your word count posted on Ao3 this year? 106,847, for a second I thought I wouldn't reach the 100k mark but I did! And this marks 2024 as my 3rd most active year!

How many hits overall on your fics this year? 18,344

What are your top 5 fics (in terms of hits) this year? (links open here and not on ao3) 1. Napoleon Kink Headcanons (NSFW) (2327 hits) 2. Steal My Heart!! 1500 followers special ficlets (2179 hits) 3. Monster Villains' Night (NSFW) (1642 hits) 4. Nine Nights (NSFW) (1171 hits) 5. Off With Your head! (NSFW) (1165 hits)

If you post fics on tumblr, using Tumblr Top! what fic has the most notes? (in total and that you posted this year) In total: Office Activities (NSFW) (513 nots), and for the year: Nine Nights (405 notes)

Did you discover any new fics or fic authors this year? I did! All the mutuals I met this year who are fellow writers - @valkyyriia is the first one that pops up, I instantly went back to where I was sitting reading her Arthur and Comte fics, on my holiday, it's such a nice memory for me. @missaengg too, and all new mutuals from the letters blog... meromerodie on ao3 (Shuuen no Virche)

What was your favourite fic to read this year? Break Me by @nightghoul381 , I still live inside this fic I swear

Who was your favourite fic author this year? @nightghoul381 and @fang-and-feather , this is just exactly my brand of writing, all I could wish for as a reader. You two are so talented and put so much of your heart into your works, it's a pleasure to see it!!!

What fics or authors would you recommend for others to discover and read in the next year? You can just browse my tag for saving favorite fics of mine on my main, but be warned there's a lot of Napoleon there... We're a relatively small community so I'm guessing many of the people reading this already know some names around here - instead, if you want to discover someone new, I encourage you to browse the games' tags here on tumblr and to give a chance to new writers. If you're like me and would gladly devour ANYTHING featuring your fave, then by all means explore more and support small writers!!

What advice would you have for people who might want to try writing or sharing their writing next year? Do it, I know it's cliched by no one else can write this story the way YOU would write it. Even if your idea doesn't seem original to you, remember that the people who love this character would love to read yet another fic of them eating their favorite food or doing their hobby - that's part of why those people love the character, of course they would love to see more of it. Even if there are similar works existing already, you won't copy anyone, trust me. You have your own unique way of portraying things and someone will appreciate that.

Any regrets? None, because even though there are things left undone by the end of the year, I think of all the hardships I had irl and it's enough to make me go, "hey, all of that and I still wrote 100k words? that's awesome". There will always be more that I want to write, I let that motivate me, if anything.

If you reached the end, thank you for listening to me ramble. I'm not rereading all that, so I'm sorry if there are typos or if I don't make sense at times. I don't know when I would post my first fic of the year, I'm trying to take it easy. It seems like it would be a busy year for me irl, but at the same time, I feel like I'm in a better place mentally, and I'm hoping this would show in my hobbies as well. Wishing you all a great 2025 and thank you for sticking around. ❤

[sapphire-weapon]

I'd also like to know your thoughts on the mind control part where Ashley actively fought Saddler and suprisingly managed not to kill Leon. For Leon not to be able to move a muscle except his face, that scene speaks so much about Ashley's strength and will. Literally, Leon owes his life to her as well - and twice, in the whole game (the other being removing the parasite) but like you said before, Ashley never kept score.

There's a subtle hint of "Ashley is mentally stronger than Leon" running through a lot of the game, and it's a shame that the game itself didn't do more with it. In RE4, she's a year younger than he was in RE2, and she ends up thriving by the end of her journey, whereas he ended up with thoughts of putting a gun to his head.

I think that that was really supposed to be the point conveyed in the "Keep this up, and I'll be out of a job" scene, but idk I feel like it didn't really go far enough. And the only reason I say that is because we know that Ashley disappears from the series after RE4, so RE4 itself is the only opportunity to explore that parallel.

Because, like. I think, in many ways, Ashley is a reflection of what Leon could have been if Ada had never come into his life. And while that might sound harsh, it's also... true? Ashley ends up as strong and confident as she does because she had Leon at her back, keeping her steady the whole time.

But in RE2, just as Leon himself was reaching that point, the rug got pulled out from under him and it all came crashing down once it came out that Ada had been lying to him and was, in many ways, no better than the people who'd caused this mess in the first place. It's really hard to overstate what that kind of deception and betrayal does to a person, and it was really refreshing to have RE4make actually show the fallout of that (whereas OG just kind of ignored it). RE4make Leon is cold and closed off and, for a significant chunk of the game (basically from the start all the way up to about the aftermath of the cabin sequence), he has complete tunnel vision and relies strictly on his training to get him through -- very likely because he has a hard time trusting his own judgment anymore. (Which is why I love that they added in Krauser saying 'You always had poor judgment' in the scene leading into his boss fight, where the goal is to get under Leon's skin as much as possible.)

Like. Leon didn't end up suicidal for no reason -- and he's the only one out of all of the Raccoon City survivors to turn out that way. Imagine how much more he would've flourished if Ada really had been FBI -- if that betrayal had never happened, and Leon had been able to walk out of Raccoon City feeling good about the role that he played there.

It would've been a completely different ballgame. He would've been a completely different character.

And yet, despite all of that, there's probably something to really be said about the fact that Leon still manages to inspire Ashley to move forward despite the fact that he, himself, has spent the last six years just running in place. It goes back to the whole "Ashley is Leon's legacy" thing that I've talked about before, but.

It just sucks that Ashley drops out of the story and there's no real follow-up to it.

[klcthebookworm]

2024 My Year in Fic

2024 Fiction Word Count:

615,535 / 219,600 words. 280% done!

2024 ended so badly on a personal level for me, this is the gif that spoke to me to best sum up the change of the year.

Insights To Not Forget:

I had to create a new spreadsheet to track the amount of words written for the year since I couldn't trust the formulas on the one I had been using for years. According to it, I reached my goal of writing 600 words a day 100 days.

Focusing on a Single Project in a Month: This continues to be the best thing to actually completely finishing lingering WIPs. I will be putting the months with the same fandom much closer together in 2025, because I struggled to remember what I was doing with Strix: Forget the Sun.

Stories I Posted:

Star Wars: Rescue the Farmboy: Mission on Mimban: Word count = 61,218. Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade's exploration of Mimban is derailed by the unexpected Imperial presence on the planet and their way off-planet depends on finding the Kaiburr crystal before the Imperial do.

Star Wars: Sororal Lineality: Plans and High Command Word Count = 7408. Luke wakes up and plans must be made and High Command must be briefed about what happened on Bespin and what Luke and Leia are planning to do next.

Stories I Posted at Ao3 Finally: This got paused as I try to figure out what still needs to go up besides the fanmixes, and then I forgot about it.

Stories I Finished: I don't have any stories that I completed the editing on to say it is ready for publication but haven't published yet.

Stories Caught Up in Editing:

Trigun: Three of a Kind: Word count = 236,237 (20,838 written in 2022 + 182,470 written in 2023 + 32,929 written in 2024). I have finally gotten this novel to creating on the third draft. Crossing fingers that you can read it in 2025.

Evil Jack: Till Death Do We Part: Word count = 14,150. And here's a great example of the focus on one thing for a month works, I have returned to Biker Mice From Mars. I didn't get edits finished this year but I tried.

Stories I Didn't Finish:

Strix: Forget the Sun: Word count = 91,269 (26,588 written previously + 4279 written in 2019 + 279 written in 2020 + 15,328 written in 2021 + 5416 written in 2022 + 23,714 written in 2023 + 15,665 written in 2024). I finally got out of the last battle and into cleaning up and hiding the paranormal from the rest of the world. Can I finish it next year and start figuring out what I have written?

Wars Are Won: Sacrifice of Happiness: Word count = 5180. I thought I had finished the first draft of this story, but realized after reviewing it for the second draft that I had neglected adding any complications so I had to start over and add some.

Sororal Lineality: Kyber: Word count = 1491. So my last month focusing on Star Wars got spent on rereading Shadows of the Empire since I plan on using some of it in this series. So, the month finished before I finished a draft of this story.

What I Think About My Stories:

My favorite story this year: Evil Jack: Till Death Do We Part. Fourteen years since I worked on any of my Biker Mice fanfics, but this story and details canon to the show flew out of me. Too bad all my writing projects don't move that fast.

Story most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Sororal Lineality: Plans and High Command will probably get some more attention after I post it on Ao3 for May the Fourth in 2025.

Most fun story: Getting back into Biker Mice From Mars through Trigun and my own memories has been a trip, even if I had a hang-up in Sacrifice of Happiness.

Stories I wrote that I never thought I'd write: Wars Are Won: Sacrifice of Happiness. A whole story from a bad guy's POV, which I got into Karbunkle's head pretty well.

Hardest story to write: Wars Are Won: Sacrifice of Happiness. And then I proceeded to not give him any complications because it serves the whole series development, so that also makes this the hardest story to write since I have to not make it so darn easy for him.

Biggest disappointment: Strix: Forget the Sun. Why are you not done yet? If I had managed the same amount of words that I had last year, it might have a finished draft.

Biggest surprise: Did I mention remembering things after fourteen years away? Because wow, that blew my mind.

What's your favorite piece of dialogue you wrote this year? From Strix: Forget the Sun:

Sagara was gone. He ran his tongue over his teeth and scraped it against his fangs. He groaned in disappointment.

Raven lifted herself partial off him. “Ferris? Did the light get you?”

“No, not that. Lost Boys was wrong.”

She raised herself up on her hands and knees and stared down at his face. “You pinche idiota bitched about me wanting holy water Super Soakers and you’re taking how to be a vampire from movies?”

“He got to be human after they staked the sire vampire. I didn’t think it would work that for me, not really. Let me up.”

Raven got up to her feet gracefully, and Ferris accepted the hand up she extended. They were in a library, that explained the books. “What did you think you would get?” she asked.

“My head torn off by Sagara or one of his loyal idiots.” He shrugged helplessly at her dismayed expression of disbelief. “You asked, and I swore to be honest with you.”

“As long as we’re being honest, you’re not as cute as Keifer Sutherland either.”

What's your favorite piece of description or narration you wrote this year? From Sororal Lineality: Kyber:

Light expanded out of the box and scattered different flashes of color over Luke’s face. Green, blue, yellow, orange, purple, and white tiny rectangles of light danced over his closed eyes and calm expression.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would, less, or about what you predicted? I ended up with 77 tracked projects, which honestly was far too many for focused attention. 63 were non-fiction and most of those were Six Sentence Sunday posts I started to advertise every story I have written. So I should have way fewer of those moving forward. Of the 14 fiction projects, seven are the versions for the BookWorm's Library and Ao3. It might be double dipping to count them in the same fiction word count, but novels not going on those sites will only be counted once.

Regardless, the new spreadsheet did handle that many projects but I don't want that many next year.

Number of Days I Wrote or Edited: 332 days. The count I thought I had set up in the spreadsheet doesn't work when I put a zero in because I did work on something like updating the BookWorm's Library but wasn't measuring the words. So next year, I need to measure the words even on those so it works without my having to count.

Number of Days Meeting or Exceeding the daily 600 word count: 100 days.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? I think it was less risk taking and more getting down to basics of writing. Do it every day and try to hit the 600 daily word count every day. I did notice that without outside accountability eyes (even if the group ultimately didn't care what my results are) my results on Strix: Forget the Sun decreased. So I think I need to be more public with that novel's progress next year.

Did you meet last year's goals? Let's find out. The goals from my 2024 one-page business plan are:

Writing Strix series:

April, September: Finish Strix: Forget the Sun first draft

April, September: Edit Strix: Forget the Sun

April, September: Send Strix: Forget the Sun to a developmental editor

Writing Star Wars stories:

May, October: Conlanging Honoghran = Finished enough to finish the scene I wanted in Mission on Mimban

May, October: Edit Mission on Mimban to second draft = Finished

May, October: Send Mission on Mimban to beta = Finished

May, October: Edit Mission on Mimban to third draft = Finished

May, October: Edit Sororal Lineality: Plans and High Command to second draft = Finished

May, October: Send SL: Plans and High Command to beta = Finished

May, October: Edit SL: Plans and High Command to third draft = Finished

May, October: Finish Rescue the Farmboy: Extrication first draft

May, October: Finish SL: Kyber first draft

May, October: Outline Everybody Lives But Maul story = Finished

Writing Biker Mice From Mars stories

March, August: Finish Wars Are Won: Sacrifice of Happiness first draft

March, August: Finish Evil Jack: 'Til Death Do We Part first draft = Finished

Writing Trigun fanfics

January, June, November: Finish Trigun: Three of a Kind first draft = Finished

January, June, November: Edit Trigun: Three of a Kind to second draft = Finished

January, June, November: Send Trigun: Three of a Kind to beta = Finished

January, June, November: Edit Trigun: Three of a Kind to third draft

BookWorm's Library maintenance

July, December: Make sure software is up-to-date

July, December: Add Sororal Lineality: Miha = Finished

July, December: Add any other files that need adding

July, December: Add recipes to Cookbook

Ao3

February: Upload already published stories

February: Upload Mission on Mimban third draft = Finished

February: Upload SL: Plans and High Command after Mission on Mimban = Holding this until May 4, 2025

February: Upload thirteen fanmixes

Do you have any goals for the coming year? The goals from my 2025 one-page business plan are:

Writing Strix series:

August, September: Finish Strix: Forget the Sun first draft

August, September: Edit Strix: Forget the Sun

August, September: Send Strix: Forget the Sun to a developmental editor

Writing Star Wars stories:

April, May, July: Finish Rescue the Farmboy: Extrication first draft

April, May, July: Edit Rescue the Farmboy: Extrication to second draft

April, May, July: Send second draft of Rescue the Farmboy: Extrication to beta

April, May, July: Edit Rescue the Farmboy: Extrication to third draft

April, May, July: Finish SL: Kyber first draft

April, May, July: Edit SL: Kyber to second draft

April, May, July: Send second draft of SL: Kyber to beta

April, May, July: Edit SL: Kyber to third draft

April, May, July: Finish Rescue the Farmboy: Homecoming first draft

April, May, July: Finish SL: Ord Mantell first draft

Writing Biker Mice From Mars stories

February, June: Finish Wars Are Won: Sacrifice of Happiness first draft

February, June: Edit Evil Jack: Till Death Do We Part to third draft

February, June: Edit Wars Are Won: Sacrifice of Happiness to second draft

February, June: Send second draft of Wars Are Won: Sacrifice of Happiness to beta

February, June: Edit Wars Are Won: Sacrifice of Happiness to third draft

February, June: Finish Evil Jack: last story first draft

February, June: Edit Evil Jack: last story to second draft

February, June: Send second draft of Evil Jack: last story to beta

February, June: Edit Evil Jack: last story to third draft

Writing Trigun fanfics

January: Edit Trigun: Three of a Kind to third draft

Writing Zackverse stories

March, October, November, December: Finish Hyrueliana first draft

March, October, November, December: Edit Hyrueliana to second draft

March, October, November, December: Send second draft of Hyrueliana to beta

March, October, November, December: Edit Hyrueliana to third draft

March, October, November, December: Finish Gargoyles: Caught in a Web first draft

March, October, November, December: Edit Gargoyles: Caught in a Web to second draft

March, October, November, December: Send second draft of Gargoyles: Caught in a Web to beta

March, October, November, December: Edit Gargoyles: Caught in a Web to third draft

March, October, November, December: Finish Gargoyles: Wild as a Swallow's Song first draft

March, October, November, December: Edit Gargoyles: Wild as a Swallow's Song to second draft

March, October, November, December: Send Gargoyles: Wild as a Swallow's Song to beta

March, October, November, December: Edit Gargoyles: Wild as a Swallow's Song to third draft

BookWorm's Library maintenance

July, December: Make sure software is up-to-date

July, December: Add any other files that need adding

July, December: Add FanFiction Garret section to the site

July, December: Add recipes to Cookbook

Ao3

June: Upload already published stories

June: Upload SL: Plans and High Command on May 4, 2025

June: Upload thirteen fanmixes

June: Upload Trigun: Three of a Kind

June: Upload Rescue the Farmboy: Extricition

June: Upload Wars Are Won: Sacrifice of Happiness

June: Upload Evil Jack: Till Death Do We Part

June: Upload Evil Jack: last story

June: Upload Zackverse: The Hyrueliana

June: Upload Gargoyles: Caught in a Web

Here's to 2025.

[queen-of-meows]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers! Spread the self-love 💞

Thank you for this lovely ask ! I really needed it because I feel like I should promote my work more ^^.

5- Hell Frozen Rain

“Good afternoon. You know why you are here today ?” he asked to the Variant, but he was met with stubborn silence. “First of all, I want to remind you it's pefectly okay if you want to stop the session at anytime. You have seen several Analysts before and I know none of them has made any significant progress with you. But that's okay, I am a patient man. The goal of this session is to reconstitute the series of event that led you to your current situation and to help you to reintegrate a timeline that fits your need. Are you ready ? Where do you want to start ? Okay. Giving the particular nature of this case, the TVA doesn't have any footage that could be useful for this session. I hope you are aware this is not an interrogation, right ? Despite anything you might have convinced yourself of, you didn't do anything wrong. Nothing of what happened this night was your fault.” Mobius M Mobius had been the most professional Analyst his whole life, but something troubled him about this new case he had been asigned to. Why does he feel so much compassion for this Variant, and most important, what horrible, unspeakable thing happened to the woman named Sylvie Laufeydottir ?

I am not entirly satisfied with this on and I was thinking about rewriting it one day, but I think it's still worth mentioning it. It's a pretty short psychological thriller I wrote for Halloween a few years ago, based on my favourite Silent Hill game, Shattered Memories.

4- When she sings, she sings come home

Ghosts crave to go home. They live between the walls, in the interstices that separate one second to the next, in the limbo between sleep and wake. Home is forever out of reach to them, a when that can never become a there. Loki has spent a long time fighting against the TVA and Kang, and he'd like to finally return to Asgard, or whatever is left of it. He knows it won't be easy, but he wants to try anyway.

An undertermined time after the end of the series, Loki goes to New Asgard to visit Thor, but instead he finds Sif and the two of them catch up on the last decades.

Bittersweet reunion, past Sifki implied, mentions of Sylki and Thor/Sif.

3-Heart asks pleasure first

Ravonna was gone from the TVA, but the TVA had never really let Ravonna go. Only Mobius could understand. Using of patience and empathy, the former TVA analyst does his best to reach his oldest friend, and hopefully show her there is more to hope than there is to fear.

During a mission on Sakaar, Loki and Mobius ran into Ravonna Renslayer. They rescue (kidnap ?) her and take her to New Asgard. This story explore what happens during the following days. It's mostly long dialogues between Mobius and Ravonna about order, chaos and what we chose to fight for.

2- A warm bowl of soup

Mobius is going to leave the TVA for good to join Loki in New Asgard. In the Void, he asks Lady Loki to teach him how to make a good soup. But the reciepe of the butternut squash soup is not the only mystery he hopes to unveil.

This one-shot explores the relationship between Mobius and my beloved Lady Loki OC as she teaches him how to make butternut squash soup and opens up about her backstory.

1- The Little Bard's Tale

Dear reader (you are probably me in the future, so hi future me !), I found a blank journal and a pen today. I thought I might take them and write something. I don't really know what to write, or if I can write anything that will be worth reading one day. My name is Loki. For a long, long time I thought I'd never hear anyone call my name again, but I was wrong. I was very, very wrong, because there are a lot of other poeple called Loki in this place. And there's Sylvie who was also named Loki a long time ago. This story is not about the war raging on all across the Multiverse, or the brave heroes fighting for peace. In the Void, the war seems far away, but it doesn't mean we don't care. One day Mr Mobius came here with a lost girl named Rebecca. She is very important for the Council of Kangs and she's even more important for me. This is our story, as told by your favourite storyteller !

Okay, shameless promotion for the Little Bard's Tale because it's the story I have been focusing on in 2024 and it's probably the most personal thing I have written for a while. This is a story about finding joy and a purpose in life even when you don't exactly fit in.

The Little Bard has become like a companion in my daily adventures ☺️.

[still-a-morosexual-help]

I had a dream yesterday. And I've always had weird dreams. Creepy or bizzare or both. Though they've always told a narrative. They've always been long drawn out stories with dialogue and characters and a goal and a beginning and usually an end.

Yesterday I dreamt of walking down my street. It was dark and I was with an old friend. I knew in the dream they were an old friend, one I hadn't met since I was a teenager, maybe longer. But now, awake, I can't recall their face.

We were going somewhere to find something. In the dream I knew where we were going and what we hoped to recover. Now the details are murky.

I was apprehensive in the dream. I couldn't shake the feeling that I had tried this before, with more people, with more old friends, and that I had failed. And like a game resetting I had started at the beginning again. Except none of the others were given a second chance and I was here now with a new companion, walking back towards the same fate. My friend remained oblivious and happy. We were talking about the neighbourhoods and houses we were passing. I think I dismissed the flashing images of my 'first try' as deja vu or anxiety.

It was night when we started off from my street. No time passed, but it was bright and early a step away, on the next street. There was something safe about my small dark street with its one light, and I felt we had left that safety behind.

This new neighbourhood was idyllic. Sunny and green with little houses. But there were no people. I don't think there was any noise at all, aside from the two of us.

We passed a pair of cottages that were painted to look like little green frogs. They had one connected garden with a little fence and archways and garden seats painted to look like toadstools. I told my friend I'd like to live there. That when we got what we came for we should go see the cottages, invite others and have a lunch on the toadstools.

At the end of the street was a white wall and a large gate, behind it stood an old fashioned bungalow with a sprawling garden dotted by bushes. The bunglow's veranda wrapped all the way around it, all the doors leading to the inside of the house were open wide, and we could see a courtyard in the middle. There was antique furniture throughout the house, making it difficult to navigate through. But they made good hiding spots. We knew we needed to hide. That we weren't supposed to be there. That whatever we were taking, we'd be stealing. I think we got caught last time, my other old friends and I.

There was an older lady. A servant. I could see her from my hiding spot. She was talking to someone. I don't think I could make out what they were saying, can you hear noise in dreams? But I knew she was talking about us. Telling someone that we had come here.

I only ever saw who she was talking to through their reflection in the glass doors. Whoever it was she looked like my next-door neighbour who had passed away almost a year ago. The one who used to make little bouquets of this plant the cats liked, tied together with a red ribbon, and toss it into our garden for them to find. We never spoke much, but I miss her.

She looked exactly like her. Except her hands didn't make sense. They just kept going and going till they almost reached the ground. I didn't understand why at first. I had to keep staring at that reflection. I thought maybe something was wrong with it. That maybe it was distorted? It was her nails. It was her nails that were wrong. They were long and sharp and dirty and I knew I had felt them once, against my skin, against my flesh, tearing into me. Maybe it's just because it was a dream, but it's an odd feeling to know you had died once and you were going to die again, that even the extra steps you took to prevent it hadn't really changed anything. There was a strange disconnect to it.

We crept around the bungalow. It was really just one long circular corridor packed with furniture, with a courtyard in the middle. I think she knew we were there. I think she was hunting us. But whatever we came for it was more important than whatever fate had met my previous companions (Becoming a corpse? Becoming a meal?)

The more we stayed there, the more I just knew things. Like how that wasn't really my old neighbour. How whatever it was just looked like her. To appear safe and friendly and comforting, maybe, to me specifically. I knew why the whole neighbourhood was empty, of course. I knew what had happened to all the people. I knew why the houses were so well kept though, so welcoming, designed to draw people in.

We got what we came for. It was further than we had gotten last time. Or at least that's the impression I had. Then we ran. It, whatever it was, chased after us. We made it out of the gates and as we ran past the picturesque little houses, as we ran past the frog cottage I knew that one had been made just for me.

[wromwood]

Sorry for moody musings, but I've been thinking about this a lot lately (not for any specific reason; sometimes the thoughts just come to the surface):

I wonder if anyone has ever invented a word or term for the moment you stop getting unconditional support from your parents.

When you're a kid, your parents (hopefully) most likely give you unconditional support for your "realistic" goals. Whatever job you say you want to be (an astronaut, a firefighter, the president, etc.) or whatever big and ambitious college program you want to attend, they'll say, "Wow! Well, I bet if you work hard and take it seriously, it could happen."

Of course, there are always exceptions. Not everyone's parents are so supportive, and not all goals will be similarly "realistic" to people depending on various factors of life. But I think you know what I'm trying to get at. These goals aren't easy to achieve, but they're feasible. A child could grow up to achieve these goals, and you most likely want them to achieve these goals, but they can only come at the cost of hard work and diligence. So parents typically provide that unconditional support, even if they know the odds are slim, sometimes even if they don't believe their kid will keep these goals, because they know that it's more important for the kid to realize what they truly want for the future and to form their own sense of self-worth.

But then something happens. A certain age is reached, or a certain goal is aimed for, and then that support just... stops. And it never really comes back.

When I was about 1.5 years old, I made a promise to my grandfather that I would attend Princeton University. That was my dream for basically the next 13-14 years. Hell, it technically didn't end, but more on that later. And for all that time, my family always supported that idea, even though Princeton has a slim acceptance rate and I didn't know what path I wanted to follow once I got in. I even began to realize how relatively unlikely my potential acceptance actually was, but because of the support I got, I fully believed that if I was rejected, it would be because of a numbers thing. There are just so many applicants; of course, there's a chance I wouldn't be chosen. I never doubted my chances because of my own abilities. I was taught there was no harm in trying, because what if I succeeded?

But then in my junior year of high school, I applied and was accepted to an early college program. This school was much more aligned with the creative arts path I wanted to take, and I could literally leave high school a year early to begin my college education. I wouldn't have a high school diploma, but I'd on my way to a Bachelors degree a year before my classmates. How could I pass it up?

That's when my mother made her feelings on the matter known. And while I was sad she fought back at all, there were reasons that even I could understand about her disapproval. In a nutshell, she'd had negative experiences in her own past trying, and failing, to get credits counted from the college programs in her home country. She'd had to redo years of school in America for no good reason. And here I was, not finishing high school and giving up the chance of having an official high school diploma? It makes sense that she'd worry about that screwing things up later on in my life, even after I got a college degree (it didn't).

... but that's not the only way she worded it. What stuck with me more was when she said (with misgendering removed for personal comfort):

"What happens if he can't make it there? Going into college so early could be too much for him and he'll flunk out and then he won't be able to go back to high school. He'll be ruining his life for no reason!"

And when I heard that, I froze. Because... wait. I could fail? She, the person who assured me that I was smart enough to do anything if I worked hard for it, actually thought I could flunk out of college?

I couldn't stop thinking about the ramifications of that. It was only a year of high school that I'd be skipping, and everyone else at the early college program would be skipping those last 1-2 years of high school. Did she think I'd know less than everyone else? That I wouldn't be good enough for any college? After all, Princeton wasn't a cake walk. If I had chosen to wait and apply to Princeton, did my mom think I could flunk out and fail my grandfather's wish?

And it wasn't like there was "proof" that I could flunk out that she could point to. One of the reasons the support for my Princeton dreams continued into my teen years was because I got good grades. I wasn't a straight A student, but I was a solid A-/B+/B student. I'd overcome my hurdles of school getting a lot harder, powered through the dips in my grades that occurred when those hurdles tripped me. I knew my limits, but I also knew my strengths. I'm good in academia, even in the areas that I loathe. That's partly why I never thought of considering failure after getting accepted into a college program. I'd just keep trucking along like I always could, adapting and working harder when the schoolwork changed, just like always. But now, maybe I couldn't. One of those pillars of support had broken, and I was flailing wildly to stay balanced.

I felt guilty about my obsessing over this. I knew dropping out of college happened. My father dropped out of college a couple times in his life. I knew it didn't/doesn't make people a failure. I also knew that plenty of great people never get the chance to go to college at all. Sometimes people have different paths that are better for them.

It was only later on in life that I could put that guilt aside. I wasn't offended at the idea that I could be a future drop-out, as if that was such a bad thing. I felt betrayed that one of the people I expected nothing from support from ("You can succeed!") suddenly showed me that the words were hollow and could easily be taken away when it was a feasible goal she disagreed with ("You could easily fail.")

I wish I knew why I'm thinking about this today. Maybe typing it out will help me let go of the thoughts before I carry on.