#I think this might be the longest reply to an ask I've ever give oh my lord I am so sorry | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ivegotyourbackbuddie · 5 months ago

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Ao3 Link because this one is a bit long <3

Buck ducks his head on his way into the station, hoping that it's one of those days where everyone else is too caught up in their own stuff to notice that he’s kind of spiraling.

It's not that he wants everyone to be going through stuff. And really, thinking that might bring it into existence, and the 118 already feels cursed enough as is. So, Buck really doesn't want anyone to be dealing with emotional baggage on the same level as what he's dealing with but-

"You alright?" Bobby asks as he turns off the stove, pulling everyone's attention toward Buck which is exactly what he doesn't need right now.

"Fine. Just thinking," Buck replies easily, ignoring the way Eddie is leveling him with an I know you're lying because you're a worse liar than Christopher look.

Before Eddie can say anything, Chimney points a piece of bacon at him and chimes in, "Uh oh. That's dangerous."

"What's more dangerous are the thoughts he isn't willing to share with the class," Hen says, eyebrows raised in an almost accusatory way. "So, what aren't you telling us?"

Buck shakes his head with a frown. "Nothing," he states, taking a place at the table and shoveling food on his plate, hoping it's the end of this conversation.

Eddie leans over and lowers his voice to ask, "You're not having nightmares again, are you?"

"No," Buck replies honestly, although after the events of last night, he just might.

"Maddie hasn't said anything, so it's not family related,'' Chimney very unhelpfully adds.

"Are you and Tommy okay?" Hen asks.

The grimace is entirely involuntary.

"Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner!" Chimney says with a laugh which dies down quickly when Bobby gives him a look.

"What happened?" Hen questions softly.

Bobby takes the opportunity to clear his throat. "Buck, you don't have to answer any of their questions if you don't want to, after all, we are all at work."

"When has that stopped anyone before?" Chimney asks, getting a swift kick in the shin by Hen in response.

The tiniest bit of relief floods his system when everyone stops pressing and moves on. Well, besides the occasional lingering glance of curiosity, they mostly move on. But the smallest part of Buck wishes they would press on because he has to tell someone, and while they are some of the nosiest people he's ever met, they're also family.

"I called Tommy the wrong name last night!" Buck blurts out.

Everyone stops mid-conversation to look at him.

"I called him the wrong name... and he left."

The amusement on Hen's face slips right off as she puts a hand over Buck's. "Oh, Buck."

Eddie swallows his food audibly before gently asking, "Left as in..."

Buck glances his way, taking in the soft sympathy in Eddie's eyes. "Left the apartment with a quick goodbye saying he needed time to think about things, and he hasn't talked to me since. It's been twelve hours."

"That's not too bad. What we really need to know is what name you called him. Then we can figure out the damage. And hey, I've had many girls call me the wrong name, and the longest I waited was maybe a day before speaking to them again," Chimney says.

"I don't think you're the best person to be giving advice about this," Bobby says with his ever-present small smile.

"Hey, I'm married now! I think I'm doing pretty great."

Bobby turns his attention back to Buck. "Hey, kid. We've all been there, okay? You're still in the early stages of this relationship, and it's natural to revert to old tendencies - including calling someone the wrong name. Hell, I've called Athena my first wife's name before; there's nothing to be ashamed of."

Buck shakes his head and stares down at the table. "But it was... really bad this time."

"This time?" Ravi asks in disbelief, only to be ignored as Buck continues.

"He didn't even look mad. He just looked... disappointed. And I thought it was something we could laugh off because really it was just a slip of the tongue! I mean, I didn't mean to call him 'Bobby!'"

An eerie silence settles in the station as everyone takes in what was said.

Buck tries to defend himself with a quick, "Uh-" But is immediately cut off by the bell going off.

On the way to the scene, everyone glances at Buck who finally says, "Okay, so Tommy has a daddy kink."

"Yeah, I could've gone my whole life without knowing that," Chimney sighs.

"And!" Buck continues, "Daddy and Bobby are... kind of similar sounding, you know? Daddy... Bobby..."

"If you say 'daddy' one more time, I will revoke Uncle Buck privileges," Chimney groans.

Hen shrugs and says, "There's nothing wrong with a daddy kink as long as everyone is consenting. Now a Bobby kink..."

There's a mixture of laughter from Hen and Chimney, an ay dios from Eddie, a mumbled what is happening from Ravi, and Bobby pointedly tries to ignore the conversation.

"We were in the kitchen and he handed me-!"

"Nope! I do not want to hear about your sex life, Buckaroo!"

Buck frowns at Chimney for a moment before his eyebrows shoot up in shock. "Oh! No! You all think I- Oh god. No. No." Buck shakes his head seriously and continues, "The kink extends outside of the bedroom. He likes it when I call him that all the time. Like when we're having dinner or when we're making dinner. Which is exactly when it happened last night. See, Bobby and I cook all the time, plus like I said Bobby and Da-"

"Alright, we're one minute out, let's wrap this conversation up please," Bobby says, as the tips of his ears turn red.

"Yes, d- Bobby. Shit," Buck mutters, ignoring the cackling around him. Who knew a minute could last so long?

Luckily, the call isn’t too bad – a car accident with the worst injury being minor airbag burns. They're able to clear the scene quickly - too quickly in Buck's opinion because none of them forget their previous conversation.

On the ride back, it takes less than a minute before Eddie asks, "So, I don't get it. You misspoke, and Tommy just... walked out?"

"If it was during sex... that would definitely be off-putting, but you would think you could just laugh it off even if it killed the mood," Hen thinks aloud, "But what exactly did you say when you called him Bobby?"

Buck shifts uncomfortably in his seat as he recalls the moment. "He just asked me to hand him the garlic powder, and I said 'Yes, Bobby' and immediately started laughing about it because I thought we could just laugh it off. But when I saw he wasn't laughing I apologized because it was an honest mistake, but he said the thing about taking time to figure things out, and he walked out."

"Maybe he didn't want to be compared to Cap because he's ancient," Chim jokes, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

Hen laughs and looks at Bobby. "You have no comeback today?"

"Don't need one if being ancient got me Athena."

There's a series of cooing, awws, and catcalls from everyone as they're quick to tease Bobby who throws a proud smile over his shoulder. Buck tries his hardest to focus on the secondhand love he feels for their relationship but notices how dim it is when compared to his tarnishing relationship. Bobby must notice it because he's quick to say, "Tommy is a good man. He'll come around."

Buck nods, lost in the thought of what if he doesn't? and too distracted by it to conceal his other thought, "Yeah, if he can get over me calling him Eddie in bed then he should be able to get over this, right?"

A weird strangled noise comes out of Chimney's mouth and Hen's jaw visibly drops. But Buck's eyes shoot to Eddie when he realizes what he just confessed.

Eddie just smiles, looking disturbingly undisturbed and a little amused and maybe… proud?

A minute of silence passes by before Ravi of all people asks, "So is no one going to question what was just said?"

Eddie shakes his head and laughs. "Come on, you guys. You said it yourself it happens to everyone. And I've had my fair share of partners who have gotten offended because they thought I said 'Buck' but 'Buck' and 'fuck' sound very similar."

"Just like 'Eddie' and 'baby' sound similar," Buck rushes to say, jaw tight, nodding quickly in agreement.

"Yeah because I'm sure that..." Chimney trails off and throws his hands up. He shoots Hen a look and asks, "Do you want to take this one?"

Hen blows out a deep breath of air and shakes her head. "They don't pay me enough to even begin to unpack this."

Eddie rolls his eyes and bumps his knee against Buck's. "This doesn't change a thing between us, okay?” He lowers his voice to say, “And between you and me, there was definitely one time I clearly said your name, so I guess we're even."

"You realize our radios are all on the same channel, right?" Bobby asks with barely veiled amusement.

Eddie's eyes widen for a second before he straightens up and fixes everyone with a flat look, almost daring them to say anything.

"Does this happen often?" Ravi asks naively.

"With these two idiots?" Hen asks.

"Yes," comes the answer from Chimney, Hen, and Bobby.

Buck crosses his arms, but he can't feel too bad when Eddie shoots him a small private smile.

Soon enough, they get back to the station, and Buck can sense something is off when he's the last to get out of the truck.

"Someone is here to see you, Buck," Bobby says, his smile tighter than usual before he squeezes Buck's arm and walks past him. Buck glances over everyone else's shoulders and finds Tommy standing there, hands in his pockets looking slightly uneasy.

"So, I'm assuming everyone knows," Tommy comments to the group who all look around uncomfortably.

"I think Cap said something about cleaning something upstairs," Ravi says before running off. He's definitely one of their smartest firefighters and probably their least nosy - maybe there's a connection there. Buck doesn't have much time to think about it as everyone rushes past him, giving him looks of encouragement and poorly concealed grimaces.

"Hi, Tommy," Buck says, purposefully saying his name to prove to both of them that he's capable of it.

"Evan," Tommy replies easily. He glances up and sighs, "Let's go somewhere a bit more private, hm?"

Buck turns and finds everyone including Bobby leaning on the railing upstairs, trying to overhear. Buck furrows his eyebrows and frowns at them, shaking his head - although he knows if the roles were reversed, he would definitely be doing the same thing.

He follows Tommy outside and takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he says sincerely.

Tommy nods, the ever-so-slight smile appearing on his face. "I know." He just looks out around them, glancing up at the sky as if trying to determine the impending weather. Buck nearly makes a joke about it, but Tommy beats him to speaking first. "I'm sorry that I walked out like that. I should have said what it was that was bothering me, but I truly needed the time to get my thoughts together."

"And that's okay. You can take all the time you need."

Tommy nods again before finally looking at Buck. "Evan, I think we both know what I'm about to say."

Buck's heart sinks to his stomach as he shakes his head. "No, I really don't."

Tommy glances over his face, frowning for a moment before fixing him with a look of... pity? "You really don't know, do you?"

Buck shakes his head, but he's pretty sure he can tell when someone is breaking up with him. So maybe he should nod, but this feels like something more than that.

Tommy puts his hands in his pockets and takes a step closer to him. "The reason I left like that wasn't because I was angry that you called me Bobby. And really, it was funny as hell given the situation."

"But?" Buck can't help but ask.

"But," Tommy continues, "It was your reaction that startled me." Buck shakes his head, confused as ever. Tommy just sighs. "Evan, you were genuinely startled by it and taken off guard. You immediately laughed it off, and I knew it was nothing. But that made me remember the other time when you said Eddie's name-"

"Which was also an accident!" Buck cuts him off, quickly, almost desperately.

The look Tommy gives Buck nearly makes him want to take the statement back. "Please, Evan. You didn't just laugh it off then, and we both know it. And we always avoided bringing it up because we both knew what happened. From the beginning, I accepted that it was only a matter of time before you figured it out."

"Figured what out?" Buck questions weakly.

Tommy pauses, seemingly debating if he's going to tell him or not. Eventually, he settles on saying, "Both times were an accident. But one was an honest mistake while the other... wasn't."

There's a moment where Buck almost brushes it off and says I don't know what you're talking about. They were both a mistake. But he can't lie to himself or Tommy anymore, and he can see the moment that Tommy registers that, expression dropping to something somber but not surprised.

"You got my attention, Evan. But whose attention was it that you were really after?" Tommy asks, slowly backing away.

"I really liked what we had!" Buck interjects before Tommy can get away.

Tommy gives him a small smile. "I did too. But we both knew it was only a matter of time." He hesitates before walking up to Buck and pressing a soft kiss on his cheek. "Goodbye, Evan. And go talk to Eddie, please."

Buck huffs out a small humorless laugh, experiencing a weird sense of deja vu. He watches as Tommy walks away and doesn't say anything in response because if he fucks up his name one more time, he doesn't think he will ever recover.

As he makes his way back into the station, he notices that most people are upstairs actually minding their own business. But then he catches Eddie watching him carefully and slowly approaches him.

"I take it that went well?" Eddie asks.

Buck chuckles and glances over his shoulder to where Eddie must've had a clear view of their conversation. "Were you watching me?"

Eddie shrugs. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

He says it so casually yet sincerely that it makes Buck duck his head, trying to fight the blush that threatens to color his cheeks. "Yeah, I'll be okay."

"So, everything is good then?"

Buck pauses and considers what Tommy had said – go talk to Eddie. “Yeah, things are… good.”

Eddie raises his eyebrows slightly, definitely not believing Buck’s weird tone.

Buck sighs and looks down. “Okay. They’re not good. But they’re fine. We broke up- amicably! And… I’m fine.”

Eddie takes a step closer and tilts his head down so Buck looks him in the eye. “Are you sure?”

It takes a moment for Buck to process what Eddie has said- he always gets flustered when he stands this close. He wonders how he pushed it all down before. But he remembers all the pep talks he would give himself to confess things to Eddie before finding out he was seeing someone new, and all the times he was with Christopher and knew that he would do anything for the kid. Anything meaning not dating his dad and fucking up their whole dynamic. And that’s the thing about Buck, he never knows how to keep a good thing. And if Eddie were the one to leave… he thinks it might destroy him.

“I will be fine,” Buck insists and plasters on a smile. “And don’t worry, I won’t stop your and Tommy’s whole bromance thing. So don’t stop hanging out because of me.”

Eddie frowns and puts a hand on Buck’s shoulder, thumb resting on his collarbone. “You know you’re my best friend, right? Even if I’m out with Tommy, you can always call me, and I’ll be by your side in a heartbeat.”

“Even if he’s flown you to a different state?” Buck jokes.

“I’ll make him fly back even faster. Maybe even see if he can land where you are,” Eddie answers, smiling wide and sincerely. Buck laughs.

They remain there for a few moments just smiling at each other before the moment is interrupted. “Everything okay?” Bobby asks cautiously.

“It will be,” Buck says with a nod because it will be.

He just hopes it will be sooner rather than later.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Buck’s in Eddie’s kitchen the Thursday after the breakup, staring at the calendar with the dumb circle around the date. Basketball pick-up game with Tommy.

Jealousy still swirls in the pit of Buck’s stomach, and he’s no longer trying to fool himself that he’s jealous of Eddie. He never really has been, and he wonders if Eddie knows that. Because Thursdays are Eddie and Tommy’s night. Even with Christopher’s absence and Buck’s extended stays at Eddie’s, Thursdays are the nights Tommy comes over to distract Eddie from the emptiness for a while.

But tonight, Eddie asked Buck to come over and have dinner with him probably knowing Buck would’ve had the tiniest mini spiral on his own. And Buck wonders what he’s done to deserve such an amazing best friend.

He glances in the pantry, wondering if he should tell Eddie to cancel the pizza order he'll be picking up on his way home in favor of Buck making something that will distract him from his thoughts. Just as Buck picks up his phone, there's a rattling of keys in the front door that makes Buck nearly jump out of his skin as he rounds the corner until he sees Eddie pushing the door open.

"You're early," Buck states as he takes the pizza out of his hands.

"Basketball ended early today," Eddie replies easily.

Buck narrows his eyes at him because he's pretty sure the only way that's true is if basketball ended early only for Eddie. "Right."

"I'm going to shower. Find something for us to watch tonight."

As Eddie goes down the hall, Buck calls after him, "You know you don't have to baby me, right?"

"Who else am I supposed to baby with Chris gone?" Eddie yells back, knowing that Buck can't really argue with him. He only wishes he had something to throw at him in response. He really should've made some popcorn.

While Eddie quickly showers, Buck set the pizza down in the living room and grabs two beers, plates, and napkins before settling on the couch. He opens Netflix and goes to his account, knowing Eddie’s is full of romcom suggestions that he pretends to hate, and picks out a random true crime documentary that fulfills Buck’s thirst for random knowledge and Eddie’s thirst for drama.

Eddie joins him a few minutes later wearing slightly ratty sweatpants and an old t-shirt that clings to his chest and arms just right.

Buck averts his gaze before Eddie can catch him staring, although he thinks he might be too late because he sees Eddie watching him carefully out of the corner of his eye. Buck grabs the remote and presses play in hopes of distracting him, but weirdly enough, Eddie’s gaze never really seems to leave him. At one point, Buck even glances over and gives him a questioning look which Eddie answers with a shake of his head before looking at the TV only to glance back at Buck a few moments later.

When the documentary comes to an end, Buck has absorbed about none of it and he doubts Eddie has either. So instead of talking about it, he grabs their empty plates and heads to the kitchen hearing Eddie trailing behind him with their empty bottles.

“Want another one?” Eddie asks as Buck rinses off their plates.

Buck shakes his head. He has a feeling that Eddie is about to ask him how he’s doing or something, and although another beer won’t really affect his cognitive abilities, Buck rather not take any chances. Once he’s through with putting the plates in the dishwasher, he turns carefully and leans against the counter, locking eyes with Eddie who lingers by the fridge, eyebrows furrowed in thought.

“Is there something you need to talk to me about?” Eddie questions, throwing Buck for a loop.

“Me? I was going to ask you the same thing after you found me more entertaining than that documentary,” Buck jokes.

Eddie frowns and looks away from him. “I did not.”

“Tell me one thing that happened during it.” And Buck really hopes he doesn’t say anything because he wouldn’t be able to confirm it.

Luckily, Eddie stammers for a moment before sighing, “I was staring out of concern after Tommy said…”

Buck's heart drops to his stomach as Eddie trails off. “What did he say?”

Eddie pauses and crosses his arms. “He asked if you had talked to me, and I told him you told me about the breakup, but he acted like there was something more that you needed to say.”

Buck crosses his own arms to try to hide how much his hands are starting to shake.

“Is there more?” Eddie asks.

There’s a moment where Buck almost says, No. I don’t know what he’s talking about. But then he hesitates, wondering if this is it. This is his moment.

Before he knows it, too much time has passed for him to lie and say there’s nothing, so Buck lets out a deep breath and takes a seat before he does something dumb like lock his knees for too long and pass out mid-confession. He looks up at Eddie who begins leaning against the fridge, head framed by one of Chris’s tests with a big A on it.

“I never told you why we broke up,” Buck confesses. “I never even told you the truth about why we started dating.” He pauses and looks down, unable to look at Eddie’s reaction as he continues. “You know, when I met Tommy, I thought he was pretty cool with the whole flying-a-helicopter-through-a-hurricane-to-help-us-without-asking-any-questions thing. I mean. Who does that? So, yeah I asked him for a tour because I wanted to get to know the guy - as a friend.

“And then, I saw him with you,” Buck looks up at Eddie, reimagining the moment. “And you were so happy with him. Happier than I’d seen you in a while, and I knew I should’ve been happy that you got a new friend. But I was devastated. And I felt so guilty about it, especially after the whole basketball thing. I told Maddie about what happened, and she told me all about this best friend she had and how she got jealous when she got a new best friend, and I thought… that was it. As selfish as it was, I wanted to be your one and only best friend.”

Buck pauses, wondering if he should cross this line, but Eddie nods gently in encouragement, brows furrowed as he takes it all in, and Buck continues, “But that wasn’t it. And deep down, I think I knew what was really happening, and I didn’t want to admit it. So, I changed the narrative in my head a bit… I think? Honestly, things aren’t one hundred percent clear to me about how I repressed it - but all of a sudden I was so sure that I was jealous of you. That I was jealous of you hanging out with Tommy. And that’s what I told him before he kissed me, and things just progressed from there. And really, I was happy with our relationship, he was great, and he was… kind of like you. But…” he trails off, words on the tip of his tongue but unwilling to fully let them escape.

“But?” Eddie prompts so gently that Buck almost doesn’t hear it.

In one breath, Buck says, “But he wasn’t you.”

Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up so fast that Buck would find it comedic if it was in any other situation. “So, you’re saying…” Eddie asks, head cocking to the side.

“Calling Tommy ‘Bobby’ was an accident,” Buck states, uncomfortably straightening up in his chair as he prepares himself for what he’s about to say. “Calling him your name was not.” And just to put the final nail in the coffin Buck says, “And it was never his attention I was after. It was yours. I wanted you, but I couldn’t handle the thought of telling you and ruining things between us. I never wanted to jeopardize our friendship or my relationship with Chris, but here I am… doing exactly that.”

Eddie purses his lips and nods for a few long moments before turning to the fridge and opening it up, grabbing two beers, and setting them on the counter.

“I’m good, Eddie.”

Eddie shakes his head. “No, these are both for me.”

Buck feels his entire being shrink in on itself and he wonders if this is the worst rejection he’s ever felt.

“To think,” Eddie clarifies quickly, walking over to place a hand on Buck’s shoulder, thumb soothing over his collarbone. “About everything you said - which absolutely won’t ruin our relationship or your relationship with Chris. I promise. I just need a few minutes.”

And that’s all Buck needed to hear to know no matter the result of this conversation, things would be okay.

He stands up quickly, suggesting, “Why don’t I let you sleep on it?”

Eddie gives him a look mid sip that says no before he can actually say anything. “The only way you’re letting me sleep on it is if you stay the night on the couch because I’m not letting you doom spiral in your apartment.”

“I wasn’t going to…” Buck trails off when Eddie raises his eyebrows at him. “Okay, yeah, I would’ve spiraled on my own. But let me at least give you some space to think.”

Eddie nods, eyes staring off into space entirely unfocused.

Buck quietly says, “Okay,” under his breath and goes to the living room, closing the kitchen door behind him. He takes a deep breath and settles on the couch, trying to make himself comfortable but failing entirely. He takes out his phone and starts typing a message to Maddie saying this is probably crazy but remember that time you said something like whatever I had to tell Eddie I would tell him in my own time? well, guess who just found out what you meant by that and told their best friend they’re in love with them???

But then he remembers Maddie will tell Chimney and Chimney will tell Hen and Hen will tell Karen and Athena and Athena would tell Bobby and… really he does not want everyone to know he confessed his feelings for Eddie before Eddie has time to process those feelings.

Buck sighs and goes through his apps before going to Google and looking through whatever is trending in searches before going down a rabbit hole that becomes a fairly decent distraction until he thinks Man, I need to send this article to Eddie. Then he gets an achy feeling in his chest.

Quite a few minutes pass before Buck gets a sudden dry feeling in his mouth and he realizes he needs water. This is arguably the worst time to need water when the kitchen is off-limits, but he doesn’t think he could drink straight from Eddie’s bathroom sink faucet without feeling weird about it. Plus, he’s sure Eddie will understand, and he won’t interrupt his moment if he’s quick about it.

So, Buck makes his way to the kitchen, pulling the door open only to find Eddie pushing it open on the other side.

“Hey,” Buck says with a small smile.

“Hey,” Eddie responds, eyes trailing over Buck’s features as if taking them in for the first time.

A few seconds pass before Buck finally asks, “Do you mind if I get some water?”

Eddie shakes his head and steps back out of Buck’s way. But as Buck steps forward, Eddie shakes his head and says, “Wait, I’ll get it for you.”

Buck frowns, trying to interpret Eddie's body language, but he's not sure if he's ever seen him so... nervous or maybe... flustered?

As Eddie walks back to where Buck is lingering in the doorway, his eyes roam over Buck before he snaps himself out of it, shaking his head and handing Buck a glass of water. He turns and rubs his hands over his face. "Dios," he mumbles.

Buck doesn't say anything as he sips on his water, leaning against the doorframe and taking in Eddie's spiral. It's simultaneously comforting and nerve-wracking. After a few moments of silence, Buck finally asks, "You okay?"

Eddie pauses and glances up at him. Buck's almost sure that Eddie is about to lie and say he's fine, but right as he opens his mouth, he closes it and shakes his head. Buck wants to step forward and comfort him, but he hesitates, wondering if the push into Eddie's space will scare him away.

Eddie takes a few steps toward Buck, effectively making Buck feel pinned up against the doorframe. "I have been trying to replace the hole Shannon left in my life since she passed. And I've been finding all these replacements that never felt right. Hell, I found Shannon's doppelganger, and it still wasn't right. And I always thought that she was just irreplaceable. And I was right. No one will ever be Shannon, and no one will be able to replace her role in Christopher's life or what I had with her. And that’s okay. But... while I pursued all these women for the wrong reasons, I never realized that Shannon wasn't the only reason why things never worked out."

Eddie takes a deep breath and takes another step closer to Buck. "There was always this small part of me that knew that no matter what happened with my relationships, it didn't matter because you would always be there - for me and Christopher. But I never really considered that this," Eddie makes a quick motion between him and Buck, "could even be an option. And I feel..." He trails off as he stares at Buck.

"Uncomfortable?" Buck asks slightly cowering in on himself, prepared for the mental hit Eddie's answer will be.

Eddie gives him a flat look, completely shutting down all of Buck's thoughts. "Like an idiot," he states as if it's the most obvious answer. Eddie crosses his arms and takes another step toward him. "I mean, I’ve always known you were attractive. Sometimes I would wonder what it would be like to be one of your girlfriends – especially when they didn’t treat you right. I would imagine what I would do if I was them.” He runs a hand through his hair and sighs, “Hell, I used to call Ana your name often enough that Chris tried to make it an inside joke. At the bachelor party, I really should've known though because as soon as I saw you and Tommy together I felt... awful." Eddie laughs and shakes his head. "For a minute there, I was confused as hell wondering if I was suddenly homophobic."

Buck can't help but burst out laughing.

"It's true!" Eddie laughs and hits Buck on the arm. "I had to reevaluate my feelings when Karen and Hen walked in, and I became very aware that it was just a you and Tommy thing. Then, I thought maybe I was just jealous seeing you close to Tommy or maybe seeing Tommy close to you. But that didn't really make sense because I've been so excited whenever you hit it off with anyone else in my life."

"So, how did you rationalize that thought?" Buck asks, curiosity getting the best of him.

"I got blackout drunk and didn't think about it again." The answer is so immediate that Buck can't help but laugh again. Eddie smiles at him and nudges him on the shoulder. "I should say, I didn't think about it again until about half an hour or so ago"

Buck can't help but look at him a bit bashfully. "Sorry about that."

"Don't be," Eddie says, hand landing on Buck's shoulder. "Don't ever be sorry about telling me how you feel even if it sends me into an identity crisis of sorts."

Buck cocks his head to the side. "Identity crisis meaning...?"

"I might be into guys?" Eddie says more as a question than an answer, but it still makes Buck's heart skip a beat. "I'm not sure," Eddie confesses. He pauses, eyes roaming over Buck before breathing out, "I think I might just be into you."

Buck's brain lags for a few seconds as he processes what he's been dreaming about hearing practically since he met Eddie. After replaying the words in his head a few times, he can't help but ask, "Might?" But before Eddie can answer, Buck leans over far enough to set his glass down and effectively crowd into Eddie's space, "Because I know a way for us to confirm that you're definitely into me."

"Is that so?" Eddie asks, an amused smile gracing his face. The hand on Buck's shoulder slowly yet firmly travels up his shoulder to the back of his neck. "Do you want to show me?"

Buck doesn't trust any words that are about to come out of his mouth, so he lets out a shaky breath and nods, already feeling his cheeks flush and his eyelashes flutter involuntarily.

Eddie raises his eyebrows at him, and they both share a moment of this is really about to happen.

As they move closer together, Buck is sure something is going to interrupt them - like an alarm or an unwanted knock on the door.

But Buck's nose brushes against Eddie's gently, and then there's a breath shared between them before their lips connect gently.

Buck breathes in sharply, heart pounding in his chest, and Eddie responds by weaving his other arm around Buck's waist and pulling him in deeper as if he's trying to make them one whole entity. And who is Buck to deny him his wish?

Buck suddenly remembers that he also has arms which he uses to cup Eddie's face, and then he backs them up until his back is suddenly colliding with Eddie's fridge.

Eddie pulls back momentarily to make sure he's okay, and Buck laughs breathlessly before pulling him back in.

It feels like his first time on the job as a firefighter, the first time he and Eddie truly worked together as a team, and the first time he met Christopher. It feels right.

Buck smiles so wide that he has to pull away with a laugh that sounds almost like a sob, but he doesn't try to stop the happy tears that escape - especially when he sees Eddie in a similar state.

They both stare at each other in disbelief for a moment as they laugh and pull each other into a hug.

"I definitely just like you," Eddie chokes out.

Buck laughs and squeezes Eddie a little tighter.

They linger in the hug for a few moments longer than they usually would, swaying slightly. They slowly pull back to look at each other before resting their foreheads together. “This is real, right?” Buck questions quietly.

He can feel Eddie nod before he says, “It better be.”

Buck laughs softly. He pulls back and notices a faraway look in Eddie’s eyes. “You okay?”

Eddie nods and looks down. “I just wish Chris was here for this. He would probably roll his eyes at me and tell me that you were right in front of me the whole time. Or maybe he’d also feel like an idiot for not realizing that you’re all we need.”

Buck cups Eddie’s face again and redirects his gaze at him. “Hey, we’ll get to know what he thinks soon, okay? In the meantime, don’t you think it’s better that we work out all the kinks of turning what we had into something more before getting Chris involved?”

Eddie nods and laughs softly. “Of course, you already want to fix what we have before it's really begun.”

“I’m the guy who likes to fix things,” Buck says with a smile. “But I don’t think there’s much to fix here, you know?”

“Other than the years of dates, kisses, and declarations of love that I need to make up for,” Eddie comments cheesily.

Buck cocks his head to the side and feels his cheeks turning red. “Wow. Eddie Diaz is a romantic.”

“For you, I sure am,” Eddie flirts.

Buck can almost hear Christopher groaning at the line. “Declarations of love?” Buck recalls out loud.

A pinch forms between Eddie’s brows. “Yeah. You know that I love you.”

Buck frowns and tilts his head. “Really? Because I don’t think we’ve ever truly said that to each other.”

Eddie looks off as if trying to recall every moment they’ve spent together. He frowns and looks at Buck. “Another thing that should’ve made things obvious to us.” Buck laughs as Eddie smiles and grabs his shoulder. “But, just so you’re totally aware, Evan… I love you.”

“Yeah?” Buck asks with a big smile, already pulling Eddie back in for another kiss.

“Yeah,” Eddie mumbles against his lips.

A few moments later, Buck quickly pulls away and says, “I love you, too, by the way.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Buck laughs, “Good. But I’m still going to spend as long as I can proving to you that I love you more than you know. That I love you and Christopher more than you both know.”

Eddie smiles at him so sweetly that Buck almost forgets that he’s allowed to openly stare – more than that… he gets to openly stare at that smile forever. “And we’re going to do the same for you.” There’s a pause before Eddie gets a slight mischievous glint in his eye. “Just try to refrain from calling me ‘Bobby,’ okay?”

Buck sighs and rolls his eyes, pulling away to put his glass in the sink.

There’s a sudden loud chime, and a moment later Eddie gasps.

Buck turns to find Eddie turning the phone to him with a text from Christopher reading I’m ready to come home Dad. Love you.

“Scratch what we said about working out the kinks?” Buck says with a breathless laugh.

Eddie nods and kisses him. “Let’s go get our kid.”

#sorry this one is so lengthy oops #buddie #buddie fanfic #buddie fic #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buck buckley #buck x eddie #911 abc #911 #911 show #buddie 911 #buddie ao3 #originally was supposed to be like crack treated serious then it got so serious

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princesspuresarahk · 4 months ago

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Meg Fanfic

Chapter: 7 Cleveland's Resolution and Hidden secrets in the attic?

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In the Griffins attic Chris shines a flashlight around the room, looking at all of the boxes.

"I think Mom mentioned that our birth certificates and family history photos are somewhere up here. Maybe in the back, I think?" He questioned as Meg joined him inside Chris needed help with a big homework assignment on their family for a family history tree his class is doing for November and Chris wanted to get ahead and asked his sister to help him look which Meg happily agreed to help him.

They know some of their family history of being mostly Irish descent on their father's side with some African from their great ancestor Nathaniel and their mother's family were Holocaust survivors of either Ukrainian or possibly Russian and that was pretty much it. "I'm sure it's up here somewhere with all this stuff up here it might take a while," she replied while blowing some dust away from a case. That was a bit of a mistake with dust that got everywhere causing it to go up her nose making Meg have a bit of a sneezing fit "Oh my ahh ahh-Chhhoo! Achoo! Achoo! Oh so much dust achoo!" She winced moving away from the dusty area despite dust and cobwebs being everywhere!

"It's definitely been a while since this place has been cleaned," looking around Meg found a duster to clear off some of the webs and dust showing off a few harmless spiders until it was clear from a section looking to Chris pointed him in a group of boxes "let's start in this section and then work our way to the back I'm sure the stuff is here somewhere," before putting the duster back where she found it as the two siblings set to work to look for.

Once again at The Clam Cleveland was ready yet nervous about confronting his friend as he sat at the usual booth he and his friends usually sat slowly taking a few sips of his beer to calm his nerves a bit knowing he had to stay sober for "You can do this Cleveland, you have to for your God baby's sake and Donna's it has to be done," whispering to himself as he noticed Quagmire and Joe come in heading to their spot give me a calm smile he greeted them "hey guys what's up Hey where's Peter he should be here by now?" Wondering where their friend is as he's usually the first one to come here.

“Heard he got into some trouble with Lois and is a bit upset,” Quagmire replied.

"So I've heard, is he still sleeping at that Motel?" He asked trying to keep neutral but seem to be worried looking for his friend "Lois must be still pretty mad at him huh,"

Joe nodded. “A lot. This could be the longest time she's been angry.”

"Have mercy," he mumbled as Jerome came by with their usual drinks and gave Cleveland an encouraging nod to talk about what he and Cleveland discussed he wanted to talk about with his friends taking a deep breath he let the words out "Hey fellas," he asked a bit out loud who turned to his attention "what is it's Cleveland?" Quagmire asked first noticing something was on Cleveland's mind "Yeah what's up buddy something on your mind," Joe asked the same taking a sip of his beer.

Taking another deep breath Cleveland put it out the truth"Have you guys ever wondered in truth be honest ever questioned why we are friends with Peter sometimes?"

This question seemed to have caught Quagmire and Joe by surprise! “What do you mean, Cleveland?” Joe asked him.

(Courage Cleveland keep going so they can understand) "What I mean is well its been on my mind for a while, I know Peter can be a good friend but there are times I've been thinking has he ever been a truly good friend or person especially with us or to his family,"

Back at the Griffin house Meg and Chris were still searching for those family pictures and journals but no such luck. Looking through box after box Meg turned to Chris if he found anything yet "Found anything Chris?" So far nothing as Chris shrugged "Nothing yet, but I found my birth certificate," holding his said paper in a frame. Well, that's one thing to find Meg walked to the darker side of the attic " They gotta be here in the back it'd make sense. Turning on her phone flashlight looking around.

Meg starts to look at anything that could be new to her.

Looking around she came across an old trunk that had the Pewterschmidt initial on it Meg's memory came into her mind remembering back when she was 8 or 7 seeing some albums and other stuff in this trunk that their grandparents brought for their mother to see they must have forgotten it and Mom decided to put in the Attic "hey Chris I think I found what we're looking for," walking over to it she tried lifting it but with no access. Dang, it was a bit heavy "Hey Chris come over and help me with this this thing weighs more than Dad," she half-joked giggling a bit Chris laughed at the joke it was a bit mean but it doesn't hurt when he's not around. Walking over to help Meg they both each got one side of the case "Okay on three..1..2..3..LEFT!" Taking a breath they lifted the heavy trunk carefully to the open space of the attic well doing so next foot sounded like caught on to something costing her nearly trip and almost losing her grip on the trunk "Whoa that was close," she gasped looking behind her she noticed one of the old floorboards loose.

She gets closer, seeing that there is something deeper inside. Looking down at the open piece of floorboard Meg noticed something peeking out there was something in there (but what?) "Um Meg the trunk is getting heavy can we set it down now," Chris called interrupting her thoughts "Oh sorry Chris here we go let's settle this down here, yes there we go," she apologized helping resettle the trunk onto the open space so they can open the trunk in the meantime as Chris opens it back a bit Meg brushed the dust and old webs from her hands fully turning back towards the open correct floorboard.

She looks to see an album book. "Huh?"

Carefully lifting the 'surprisingly' loose board to get a better look It was an album book! It was pale pink and small, small enough to hide in a hidden area looking closer she realized it wasn't the only object in there. Was that an old jewelry box like one of those she'd seen at their grandparents? Lifting it she slowly opened it but quickly closed it when a little tune started playing.

"What was that?" Chris heard the sound coming from where Meg was sitting.

"It's a music box. It's so... nice." She replied.

"Where'd you find it?" Now curious Chris walked to where Meg was sitting putting the box down and lifting the small pink album.

"It was under the floorboards for some reason," looking down at the music box again she noticed there were initials on it. Looking closely she realized they were her mother's mother's initials L.P.P Lois Patrice Pewterschmidt "But why would Mom hide this for some reason?" She questioned before going back to the album flipping it open she noticed a few pictures of her mom in it along with a piece of hair taped on the side looking closely she looked at me being hugged by someone with only their arms and chest in view based on the angle of the camera but she realized must have come from a Polaroid camera and whoever was hugging her she could see it definitely wasn't Peter. She also noticed a date written on it looking closer she realized it was taken months before her parents married what?

"what the heck..?"

This didn't make any sense when she heard Chris behind her asking the same thing "Hey is that Mom when she was younger and who's that hugging behind her?"

Back at The Calm

Peter walks into the bar, seeing that his friends are already there. “Hey! You’re all here!” He exclaimed with excitement.

The guys quietly greeted him after their long difficult conversation about their 'friend' as Peter settled down with them the three stayed hushed about the topic until Cleveland was ready to speak with Quagmire being the first to speak up "So Peter how are you and Lois doing have you two made up yet, we've heard on the grapevine she was pretty mad at you,"

"She's still mad but I'm sure she will get over it," Peter replied.

"And if she doesn't then what Peter I think you should find a way to make it up to her," Joe added.

"Joe's right Pete, if my Donna was that ever angry with me I would definitely want to make up and think about my actions and how it affects her," Cleveland chimed in getting ready to confront his friend about Meg.

At the Griffin's Attic

"Who is this guy Meg?" Chris repeated breaking Meg from her sudden daze she realized she was looking at the photo trying to figure out the question herself.

"Oh yeah sorry Chris..I..I don't know Chris..this just doesn't make sense to me," flipping through the album that shows her Mother in different poses smiling shyly as she's looking at someone lovingly.

(It must be that guy who was hugging her but again who is he?) She thought her curiosity was at its peak when she noticed some other pictures at a later time showing her mother with a small baby bump! Looking closely she noticed the date written on it, a strange uneasiness crawled in her mind as judging by the numbers this would have been the time her Mother was pregnant with her.

Chris seemed to notice her uneasiness Meg? You ok,"

"Y-yes, Chris." Meg still felt concerned.

A sense of dread was creeping up on her as she continued to look through the pages seeing hints and bits of the guy her mom was hanging about. Given her mom's history with men she had a deep feeling there was more to this guy than she realized and her point was about to be proven when she noticed near the end of the page some folded paper sticking out.

With shaky fingers, she slowly pulled it out and opened it her violet-blue eyes now widened with every emotion running through her veins as she saw what it was a birth certificate! Meg felt her body begin to shake in a slight panic. "Chris, are you seeing what I'm seeing? This..this can't be real can it?" She'd seen her birth certificate before reading both her parents' names but this said something completely different.

Chris could definitely see what it said looking at the birth certificate said for the mother Lois P. Griffin, but the Father, Stan Thompson.

This was something concerning especially with Meg as Chris noticed how quiet Meg had become.

Many emotions could be seen in her eyes confusion, anger and betrayal.

"Why would Mom hide this?" She whispered rereading the certificate and looking it over, again and again, it should be proof of her mother's handwriting with her baby footprint and the 'other man's written in a style similar to her own as it clicked in her head!

The hidden pictures, the cut piece of hair, the photos and the hidden birth certificate the reasons why she probably wanted to keep this hidden.

Meg was starting to feel numb as tears peaked in her eyes with the emotions shown on her face "So this was the reason," a part of the reason why she was treated the way she was? With the emotional and physical pain, the treatment of putting her down so much and being seen as an outcast.

"what is it Meg, what's.. what's wrong?" Chris was now concerned about his sister seeing the tears begin to fall from her face slightly showing red from holding back the tears and trying to keep her emotions in control but it was too late her eyes couldn't help it as her face flushed in rising anger and wanting answers from their Mother Lois!

Donna was hanging out with the kids finishing up some paperwork when she heard her husband come in "Hey baby, how'd it go with the guys did you talk with Pe.." she stopped mid-sentence when she noticed his saddened face with slight anger in his eyes that told her what had happened with his talk with Peter she turned to the kids "Kids I need you three to go upstairs for awhile Cleveland and I to talk privately ok," Roberta and Junior nodded in understanding when Rallo asked why Jr. Pulled him aside just in time.

"Don't worry about it Rallo come on let's go upstairs I wanna show you the map I drew out in detail for all the good candy spots this year!" That got Rallo's attention as the three went ahead minus Roberta who stopped just out of sight to listen when Cleveland Jr. noticed he called out to what she was doing before she gave a "hush" motion putting a finger to her lips wanting to listen. Her, stepbrother nodded understanding as he and Rallo went to his room, Roberta leaned against the top of the stairwell carefully listening in on her parents as Donna gave a concern look towards her husband "It went that bad didn't it huh?" Cleveland gave a nod as he took off his jacket "It did Donna, it truly did," giving a sigh and rubbing his temples as the anger left his eyes and were now full of melancholy "Peter Griffin and I are no longer friends," another headache was coming as Donna gave him a gentle hug in "You knew what had to be done Cleveland," whispering soothing words Cleveland gave another tired sigh "I need a water and a aspirin," they walked to the kitchen as Donna filled him up a quick glass of water and headache medicine and back to the living room. Donna asked some more questions "What about Joe and Quagmire did they take your side?" Remembering his other friends were going to be there.

"Joe is on our side, but Quagmire wishes to remain neutral for now,"

Donna sighed at his response. She shouldn't be too surprised that there is a mixed reaction.

"But if it will keep my goddaughter safe it's a friendship I'm willing to end," he reassured proudly he said determined with a small smile.

Donna responded with a kiss happy and proud of her hubby for helping Meg.

Speaking of his goddaughter "By the way where is Meg?"

Suddenly Donna and Cleveland heard a loud commotion from the open widow coming from the Griffin House.

Very loud yelling came from the open front door showing Lois had recently gotten home and it seemed she and Meg were arguing about something serious, judging by how angry Meg sounded. This concerned Donna as she and Cleveland walked out towards the Griffin's walking cautiousness as she caught a few words being yelled "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!" She sounded (Oh dear Lord,) "YOU LIED TO ME!" Donna was growing more worried "SO IT All Makes Sense I am not that that SOB's daughter and YOU Kept It From Me MOM Cause OF YoU MY Life Was HELL!"

A sound of a 'SLAP!' echoed from the house causing Donna and Cleveland to freeze in shock at what they just heard!?

Their shock instantly ended as the thunder in the dark clouds darkened the sky as the rain began falling drizzling down before heavily falling hard on the ground they saw Meg running out of the door her hand cradling her right cheek as hot tears fell from her face as run holding her backpack close tightly against her chest not hearing the call of her Auntie Donna "Wait, Meg what's wrong!?" Blinded by the clapping thunderstorm with the emotions of anger, confusion, heartbreak and betrayal all one swirling like a tornado her mind and aching heart with the only instinct in her was to run! Runaway from that awful house and that awful family of hers!

"Meg! Meg! Honey wait please come back!"

Donna cried but it was too late Meg ran so far off in panic that Donna couldn't keep up in the incoming rain Donna almost tripped on the sidewalk if it wasn't for Cleveland catching up to keep her steady "Woah careful Donna are ya alright," he asked as Donna steadied herself "Yeah baby, I'm good but we gotta find Meg," they footsteps turning to see Roberta behind them with umbrellas

"What happened we heard yelling outside and when we looked Meg ran out of the Giffins what the hell happened?" Roberta asked handing the other umbrella to her folks and looking around for Meg wondering where she ran off to.

Donna looked over to the direction Meg had run off now worried to the bone. She shouldn't be out there especially with the weather getting colder, especially at night and dangerous. A frown fell on Donna's brow as she angrily looked back at the Griffin's house her inner Auntie Mama Bear showing "Yes, Roberta something did happen and I'm gonna find out now! In the meantime go get the car warmed up and some flashlights, Cleveland can you go get Joe we might need his help," she calmly ordered as Roberta gave a nod jogging back to the house to do that. As did Cleveland who gave her a look of worry handing her the umbrella to head to Joe's he asked Donna "What are you going to do baby," who was marching towards the Griffins with determination and anger in every step.

"To demand answers from Lois and what the hell she is hiding!"

Cleveland knows that he needs to think of something quick before things get worse even further.

Chapter: 8 Alone in the dark. as Meg cries out the pain in her heart in the rain and dark. A furious Donna confronts Lois on her daughter's treatment and a distraught with guilt Lois finally reveals the truth!

credit to the beautiful Taffy aka www.tumblr.com/queenofcandynso… for being part of this fanfic : )

If ya'll are wondering how Cleveland's confrontation went with Peter and how Meg's confrontation went with her Mother? Feel free to write in reply in what you think happens in those scenes. : )

#meg griffin fanfic #meg griffin #Youtube

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tomurderornottomurder · 2 years ago

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if we could just pretend; peter parker

pair. ceo!peter parker and male!reader

summ. peter reunites with an old friend. his old friend is a recovering drug addict. his old friend doesn't recover.

gen. angst, fluff, hurt/no comfort

wc. 8.8k

tw. death, drugs, addiction, overdose descriptions, blood, injury descriptions, decomposition descriptions, body descriptions from drug use, alcohol, guilt, food/eating mentions

note. can you tell i'm clearing out old drafts? song is if we could just pretend by flatsound. this has been sitting in my drafts forever and also this is the longest oneshot i've ever written. this has been two years in the making simply because i forgot it existed and got stuck several times and i did not know how to end it, so please enjoy and feedback is appreciated. as it's been sitting, my writing might show some of it's age but overall, i think it's solid. lastly, disclaimer that i have never dealt with drug addiction myself but have been around people who have so if anything is incorrect please let me know so i can improve/change it.

Where did you go, and what did you do,

With all that time, you too scared to move?

"I really appreciate this, Pete." You slap a hand on his shoulder, "I promise to make it up," You point a finger at him, "and you can hold me to that, alright?"

"You don't owe me anything, you know that," Peter replies, holding one of your bags.

The elevator dings and you step out. Peter's penthouse is extravagant and honestly just not like him. "Holy shit," You mumble. "You sure you live here?" You turn to him with raised brows.

Peter laughs softly, "I've got a few spare rooms so let me know which one you like best."

You throw your arms around his neck and press a kiss to his cheek. "Peter!" You drop your arms to wrap around his torso, "Ah, thank you so much."

Peter freezes up as his face turns bright red. He drops your bag to reciprocate your hug and rubs a hand up and down your back, "It's no problem." He's forgotten how affectionate you can be.

"You're the best, Petey!" You give him a squeeze before pulling away. You laugh softly, "Sorry 'bout the kiss, I'm just so excited! And oh my god have I missed you!" You wrap him into another hug and squeeze.

"Can't breathe," He mutters.

You pull away and put your hands on his shoulders, "Sorry, man."

"Well, I hate to leave you but I'm going to be late for a meeting. I should be back soon, feel free to explore."

"You sure?" You quirk a brow at him, putting your hands on your hips.

"Definitely. Enjoy yourself,"

"Oh," You laugh as Peter heads to the elevator. "Peter Parker, you have made a mistake giving me such freedom."

He just laughs, "Don't burn the place down." He flashes a smile before the elevator doors close.

You twirl around in amazement, "You have really outdone yourself, Pete." You tour each room and finally pick one down the hall from Peter's. You unload your things and roughly set up your room to keep yourself busy. You explore the penthouse to get an idea of the layout and your mind piles questions up to ask Peter later. Out of pure curiosity and boredom, you peek into Peter's room. You smile at the light blue walls and vintage, framed posters. You take a step inside to get a better view and quirk a brow at a discarded bra on the floor. "Oh," You mutter. What have you been up to Peter?

"I'm back!" Peter announces, stepping out of the elevator.

What is it like, to be by yourself, for three and a half years

For roughly three and a half years

"Welcome home, Pete." You smile at him. "So, what's on the menu?"

"I'll just cook something," Peter shrugs, taking off his suit jacket and hanging it up. "What do you like?"

You shrug, "Anything you cook, I'll probably eat."

"Great," He flashes a smile but you can clearly see how tired he is. He rolls the sleeves of his button-up to his elbows as he strides into the kitchen.

You follow Peter into his kitchen, taking a seat at the island while he sifts through pots and pans. "So, the famous Peter Parker doesn't have a personal chef or something?" You rest your head on your hands as you lean your elbows onto the island. You watch Peter as he gracefully pulls out ingredients and prepares them.

"I like cooking," is his simple reply.

"For your lady friends?" You smirk.

He cranes his neck in your direction with wide eyes, "What?"

You laugh, "I saw a bra on your floor. Is it from a girlfriend or a mistress?" You bite your lip to hold in another laugh as you watch Peter become more and more flustered. This is the Peter Parker I know.

"I don't have a girlfriend or mistress," He points a pan at you. "But it's probably from a one-night stand," He shrugs, turning back to his stove.

"One-night stand? Is this my Peter Parker who couldn't ask out Liz Allan or Mj? How's Mj doing by the way?" He really has changed.

"She's in Europe right now,"

"Good for her," You reply. "But back to my point, since when has Peter Parker been a one-night stand kind of person?"

He shrugs, "I grew up I guess."

"Being rich turned you into Tony Stark?" You chuckle, looking at him with pure adoration. He shakes his head with a low giggle. "Onto my next line of questioning then," You get up from your seat walking to his side. "You have alcohol?" He points to a cabinet. "Great. Now that wasn't my question," You reach up and grab some alcohol of your choice. "Why do you have so many paintings?" You lean onto the island, alcohol in hand.

He shrugs, "I enjoy art." He starts throwing ingredients into a pan.

"Are you okay? Did your meeting turn to shit?"

He quirks a brow and looks at you as he tosses in more ingredients. "Why?"

"You're kinda snappy today. You can tell me what happened," You grab the bottle of alcohol and offer it, "and have a drink."

He sighs, "Sure, pour it." He throws in a few more ingredients before pouring a bit of vegetable oil.

"Anything special?" You ask, grabbing a glass from a cabinet. He shakes his head, focusing on his cooking. You smile and decide to whip him up the same thing you had when you got him to drink alcohol for the first time. "This is a classic, Peter Parker. And frankly, if you don't recognize it, I'll be offended." You smile at him as you mix his drink.

He chuckles and shakes his head before turning his attention back to cooking. His mind is all over the place, especially with you here and by his side, he needs to focus on his cooking though.

"We make such a great pair," You start as you finish pouring his drink. "You can cook and I mix a mean drink." You slide over his drink and start downing your own. You sigh, leaning onto your hand and watching Peter. This is a nice moment, a nice break from the hell of your life.

Silence takes over the kitchen with the only noises being the moving of glasses and sounds of the food cooking. Peter's entire focus is on his cooking while your mind wanders. You watch him for a bit before momentarily drawing your attention away to refill your glass every so often. You think about how much he's changed since high school. How he's still the same yet vastly different. How your worlds greatly differ and how lucky you are for your path having come across his again.

"Peter," You start -a bit too quiet for your liking- with your throat burning, guilt coming up just like puke does. "Peter," You repeat and this time your voice is at a volume you like. "What did you do?" You ask this too quickly. You catch how vague the question is and expand further, "I know we weren't the closest and we still aren't and I'm sorry but what did you do? What did you do in those years I was gone? I know I didn't keep in contact like Mj and everyone else did- and Ned stayed here so-" You cut yourself off. You're rambling too much. "I shouldn't have left like I did. No contact, not even a text or DM. That was shitty but I want to know what you did? What did you do by yourself?"

Peter turns to you with a soft smile but you can feel the sadness behind it. He really doesn't know what to say. "It's okay, you know?" His head is tilted down but his eyes peer up to look at you. "It's okay that you left," He wants to assure you and hope he does. He can't be sure that he's reassuring though because he's not sure the words he's using are right. "By myself," He mumbles to himself but doesn't realize it. He sighs before explaining what happened after graduation, how he graduated college early, and lastly how he inherited some of Tony Stark's company and started his own.

"God," You shake your head after Peter finishes. "I wish I could say the same," You chuckle sadly. Your mind wanders back to before now, before college, just at the beginning of the disaster that your life is.

If we could just pretend, that I went to college

And that is why you, you haven't seen me

Your future looked bright. You just graduated and were sorting through college acceptance letters. Peter was doing the same with his Aunt. You really wanted to go to a college out-of-state; you'd lived in New York forever and wanted to branch out. Not only did you want to attend college across the country but you planned to study abroad; hopefully the college you chose to attend had one of those programs. You needed a new adventure and sure there was always something going on in New York with all the battles and things but you needed to be the adventurer.

Your first weeks of summer were spent thoroughly vetting the few colleges that truly spoke to you. You were planning to visit each campus, even one with Peter though he was set on attending school near his home. It made you kind of sad to think about; you and Peter were set on different paths. But you knew Peter would keep in touch; he never broke a promise. He was good like that, such a good person, such a good friend.

---

Two weeks into college; things were rough. You liked- well, no. You loved it. A new atmosphere was really what you needed. It's just that starting over is hard. You knew no one, had to navigate campus virtually by yourself, and classes were difficult; nowhere near what high school was like. It was exhilarating, too! So much to learn, so many people to meet, so many opportunities. You were honestly so caught up in all the newness you had forgotten about Peter; obviously, you knew he existed, and every so often something would remind you of a memory you had with him but when he texted and called, you never answered. You were just so busy and every time you checked your messages, it was late and you didn't want to bother Peter; you were sure you'd get back to him soon enough.

A year had passed before Peter stopped texting and calling. You didn't blame him and soon he completely left your mind. He hadn't been new enough for you and the guilt of this still burns in your chest.

Two years in and you were abroad in France. The country was beautiful, the people were interesting, the nightlife was exciting, and the drugs... the drugs were out of this world. The drugs took off the edge, they helped you forget, and they came in handy to crank out assignments. Well, that's how they started off, that's always how it started.

It wasn't long before you were in a week-long bender and lost in France. While high, you dropped out of college in a short, curse-filled phone call. You had missed your flight back to America anyway. From then on, you went spiraling further and further. Your mind was a blank slate and France held no consequences. You weren't native to the country and whatever happened there would stay there. You could abandon the country and fly home and forget it all ever happened. At least you thought you could.

I wanted to go, but not for this long

"Why can't you? What happened?" Peter asks as he slides a plate over to you and takes a seat next to you. He's truly worried, he hasn't seen you in what feels like forever and he just wants to know. He wants to be able to help someone he used to and still holds so close to himself.

You shake your head. You can't tell Peter what happened; there is no way you won't throw up if you do. You shrug and twirl the pasta Peter had made around your fork. "Well, I didn't graduate, unfortunately," You bite your lip. Fuck, I think I'm going to cry. Your childhood dream of graduating slipped through your fingers and all you have to blame is yourself.You choke down a sob before continuing with a chuckle to cover for yourself, "But hey! At least I got to get out of New York and I even went to France!" You beam at him before trying the pasta he's made you. Filling your mouth with Peter's wonderful cooking helps to stave off the sobs and quiet the burning sadness within you if only for a little bit.

"You can always go back," He proposes. "That's what Mj did," He adds, looking up at you with that bright smile of his.

That smile sends you back to high school and all the good times you had with Peter. Your heart is full, swelling, bursting at the seams. This is a good feeling, you miss this; feeling good all over, your whole body filled with goodness. "I guess," You shrug. "But it feels like it's too late." The statement is one of defeat and both Peter and you know that. You gave up so easily and you can only hate yourself for it.

"It's never too late," Peter beams at you again.

You can't help but smile back before replying, "I mean-" You sigh, "I guess I could but money's kind of a problem and I don't know if I can do the whole uh, going to lectures and mingling thing." You want to believe his words because some small part of you does but it's too real for you to face right now.

Peter wants to act laid back but he quickly replies, "I could always pay for it. I- I wouldn't mind at all," He suggests. "And if you want, we could sign you up for online courses! You could um," He bites his lip. Should I? And he does, "Stay here and attend your classes." It was hopeful and a stretch but Peter wants it. He misses you. He is worried about you. He doesn't quite realize it yet but now that you are back in his life, he wants to keep it that way; to keep you around and more importantly, keep you safe. He can't lose you again, that's too real for him to face.

You don't know what it is. Maybe having someone care for you is too much. It is terrifying. It's even sickening in a strange way. You really haven't kicked your addiction yet and it is so easy to get drawn back in. You wish it weren't but it just is. And now you're lying on Peter's living room floor, foaming at the mouth, eyes rolling to the back of your head, and reaching out for someone who isn't there.

I overdid it

Well, Peter is there. He steps out of the elevator but he doesn't see you right away. Your body is blocked by his sofa but your coughs and gurgles fly over it. Peter's ears perk up and his spider-sense starts going crazy. He dashes and then jumps over the couch. He kneels beside you, his eyes wide, mouth going a mile a minute as he tries to say something- anything coherent. He quickly calls 911, holding your hand throughout and swiping his thumb over the top of your hand. He assures you that you'll be fine and keeps repeating that he's there.

Soon enough sirens flood the building and paramedics stampede into Peter's loft. Yelling and screaming ensue as Peter screams, fighting to stay by your side while police and paramedics yell. Three police officers have to not only drag Peter away but hold him down as he fights relentlessly to stay by your side. He just wants to know- he needs to know that you are okay. He can't lose you, it's too real.

As his body and mind calm so do his thoughts. His mind explores the possibility of him getting in the way of paramedics saving you and so he gives up, letting the officers restrain him with ease. But his mind wanders further and further. How did you get drugs? Why? Did he do something to set you off? What had he done?

Of course, none of his thoughts hold any truth but the possibility that they could, begin within Peter a ceaseless torrent of tears. He's sure by the time you leave the building and the police finally let him go, he could fill thirty pools with all the tears he's shed. But there's no time to dwell on his thoughts, he has to get to the hospital and be at your side! He won't let you leave him so easily, not again.

Why did you say, that I was one in a million?

Everything's been a blur. This moment now is blurry but you are present within it. Peter is sitting at your side, slumped over in a chair, one hand holding yours and the other holding his forehead as he mumbles curses to himself.

Slowly, you turn your head and unknowingly squeeze Peter's hand. In an instant, he's looking up at you and your eyes are open staring back at him. He could just scream! "Y/n," Your name rolls off his tongue and out of his mouth breathlessly, desperately. You both hold each other's gaze and each other's hand. The moment is blurry but it is nice.

"Peter," You whisper back, voice sore and croaky. You squeeze his hand again, it says more than your words ever could.

The pooled tears that have been swimming next to Peter's eyes finally fall and flow down his cheeks. Most tears follow the red paths down his already tear-stained face, a few divert creating new paths for the seemingly endless stream of tears. "I-" His voice and his pain catch in his throat. What can he say? What could he possibly fucking say?

"Why did you have so much faith in me?" You have to ask. You have to know. And you assume by now he has lost all that faith and so you must phrase the question the way you do. Your chest and whole upper body hurt like hell. There's a burning near your heart and in your throat, there's a tightness strangling your throat and crushing your ribs but the look Peter gives you hurts much more. The guilt within you burns hotter than Hell could ever be imagined to.

Because I believed it

You lean into Peter and Peter into you as he helps you walk out of the hospital. At the very moment that your foot hits the pavement, rain starts to fall, pelting you both in a way that can only be seen as some divine punishment. Even so, to you, the rain is heavenly and a respite from the thick cleanness and infuriatingly boring white inside the hospital. Peter quickly slips his jacket from his shoulders and carefully pulls you closer to him before covering both of your backs and heads with the jacket the best he can.

He rushes with you to the passenger side first, letting you slip into the seat he closes the door for you. You watch him only for a moment as he reaches the driver's side. You keep your head down, looking at your lap, and unwittingly begin to pick at your fingers. Your nerves are through the roof now more than they ever were in the hospital. At least in the hospital, you can expect Peter to be mostly calm but now you don't know how he might act. He's changed so much after all this time and who's to say he won't scream and yell at you? You swallow down your nerves as you hear Peter plop into his seat next to you.

Surprisingly and thankfully, the car ride is quiet. The rain pelting the car helps to ease your mind if only for a bit. You allow yourself a quick glance at Peter. His expression is almost unreadable if not a bit sad. Quickly, you turn away before you can start crying yourself and watch as cars and people and buildings pass you by.

Peter's mind is swirling with thoughts and question after question bounces around in his head. He wants to ask so many things but he can't and he knows that. He doesn't want to make you feel worse than he knows you're feeling right now. He just wants to let you have this time and hopefully, you can gather your thoughts enough to answer him when you're back at his loft. The whole time he drives though, his knuckles burn white as he grips the steering wheel too tightly. There's a tension that won't leave his body.

---

You two reach the building and before Peter reaches your side of the car, you step out, arms wrapped tightly around yourself, head held down as rain pelts the back of your head. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. The pelts of the rain help you keep a rhythm as you silently curse yourself and demean yourself with names. Each drop of rain against your skin serves as an insult your brain must deliver to itself. It isn't going to help but it does make you feel better. All the while you've been standing just outside the car, Peter has pulled his jacket over himself and motions for you to come under. You shake your head and trail a foot or two away still following him.

In minutes, you reach an entrance into the building and Peter holds the door open for you. You step through the threshold, head still down, and arms still wrapped around yourself. It's almost as if you were to move your arms away, your body would simply fall to pieces. Peter is at your side in a moment and you continue to follow him into the elevator. You both stand awkwardly and shivering a few feet apart as your clothes and body drip rain onto the marble floor of the elevator. This ride is as silent as the car but has a more threatening ambiance.

The elevator dings and Peter motions for you to go first before he follows. "You should take a shower," He proposes quietly.

It must have been some coincidence because right at that moment a shower is exactly what you crave. You nod at him, following him to the nearest bathroom. You try to peel your shirt off while Peter fetches you some towels but you have no luck.

"Do you need any help?" Usually, he would be asking this in a teasing manner but the words could not have left his lips any sweeter than they just did. His voice is quiet and calm, a little wavering but not so much as to cause concern. He's still shivering and dripping wet himself yet he stands there looking at you with such kindness.

You nod, "Please."

He shuffles to your side and slowly peels your shirt from your torso. He lifts it slowly, softly asking you to put up your arms. He gets a quick glimpse of your bones just barely being held behind your skin and bruises littering your torso. His face is close to yours as he pulls the shirt over your head and you can feel his breath. One more moment and he is pulling the shirt off of your arms. He gets a glimpse of the bruised injection sites on your arms and has to hold his expression. "There," He smiles, looking into your eyes.

"Thanks," You immediately cross your arms back over your chest, both from the cold and embarrassment. God, I probably look like shit.

Peter hasn't seen you like this since high school gym class and even then it was rare to catch you without a shirt on.

"I've got it from here," You tell him and he nods before closing the door.

Peter lets his mind wander to high school gym class. You hated it so much but Peter needed it. He had so much energy and he needed an outlet. That was of course before he had become Spider-Man and then he joined in on your hatred of the class though, he always did better than everyone there.

He wanders into his room to change before grabbing a towel to dry his hair as his mind wanders to a vivid memory of one of the only times he had seen you shirtless back in high school.

The class had gotten done swimming and everyone was out of the locker rooms, except Peter who had to do extra laps and had just gotten out of the pool. He dried his hair as he walked over to his locker but stopped in his tracks when his spidey sense started to go crazy. He looked in every direction but there wasn't anything he could see. A few more steps revealed you, sitting on one of the benches, your shirt laying in your lap and a towel wrapped around your waist.

That did catch Peter off guard but there was another thing: you were crying. Peter's stomach twisted in knots as he looked down at you. Suddenly, your eyes were on him. Shit! Why hadn't he said something? Now, he just looks creepy!

"Peter?" You asked in a hushed tone. You had looked like you'd been crying for a while. Your whole face was red along with your eyes, you looked terrible.

"Y/n," He returned your tone. He took a few steps forward and bent down a bit. "Are you okay?"

You shook your head. You were in no mood to avoid your feelings. You hurt and you hurt bad. "No," You answered bluntly.

Peter took a seat beside you. "What happened?"

The memory isn't the most pleasant but he remembers how after that you stayed at his apartment for three days and that seemed to have done you good. He wonders what happened to the Y/n he knew back then. He doesn't feel any differently toward you, not at all but what happened to you to make you so miserable now?

He finishes changing and drying himself off and steps out into the hall. At the same time, you step out of the bathroom. Peter meets your eyes and walks over. He looks you over and smiles, you have a towel tightly wrapped around your waist and a towel thrown over your head. "Here," He places his hands on top of the towel at your head and dries your hair.

You stand there, heart beating wildly as Peter helps you dry off. You notice his change of shirt and before fully thinking about it, reach out with your hand to slip it under his shirt before rubbing your thumb over the top of the fabric. You're sure Peter already saw the marks littering your body and right now you just didn't care. You want to feel his shirt and that's all you want.

Peter stiffens as you have a hold of his shirt. Your fingers aren't touching his skin since you hold the shirt out a bit but they did for a brief moment and the tingles it sent up his spine are unlike anything he's felt before. He accidentally stops drying your hair but continues as soon as he realizes that he's stopped. He sets his eyes upon you and it's a good thing you can't see his face. Anyone could see right through him at this very moment and pinpoint where his thoughts are.

He finishes drying your hair with the towel and slides it behind your head, letting the towel rest on the back of your neck. For a moment, he holds each end of the towel toward himself and he can't meet your eyes now. His head is down but he is looking at you.

Your head is down but you're looking at him. Your eyes dart from your hand still holding his shirt to the pecs you can just make out underneath his shirt. This is a moment of safety, of home, of tenderness, of friendship, of love. There's a silent agreement between you two and so, for the time you separate. You go to your room to get dressed as Peter goes into the living to wait for you.

"It's cold, isn't it?" Peter asks as you settle on his large couch. You nod and Peter sets a blanket over you. "I've got some hot chocolate on the stove," He knows that's your favorite. "It should be done soon."

I thought i had something that you

Were too scared to lose

You nod again, wrapping yourself in the blanket. "Thanks," You whisper.

He takes a seat next to you with his own blanket wrapped around his legs. He swings his legs so they rest on the couch and leans in, his shoulder touching yours. "What's on your mind?"

He genuinely wants to know, what the hell? You let out a deep breath and lean your head against his shoulder. "I was just thinking about high school. We used to be so different. I used to be so different. What happened to me?" You turn your head and stare into his eyes.

You don't know either. "I-" He's at a loss for words. "Whatever happened," He pauses and places his hand over yours. "It's not all bad." He smiles at you before standing. "Hot chocolate's ready," He says before walking off to the kitchen.

You start picking at your fingers again as you wonder what you're going to do. You can't rely on Peter for everything, that's just not how you are. You didn't even have any money after blowing what little you had on what you OD'ed on. God, why are you so stupid!? Peter's nice enough to let you crash at his place and what do you do?

"Hey," Peter's presence pulls you from your thoughts. "Here," He bends over as he hands you a cup of hot chocolate. He takes his seat next to you again, sitting a bit more straight this time so as to not spill his drink on you. "'Thinking about something?"

You nod, "Yeah, just..." You bring your cup to your cheek and bask in the warmth. It's been too long since you've truly felt any warmth like Peter's been showing you this whole time. "I can't stay with you forever," You muse, flicking your eyes to his, unsure of what he might say.

Peter chuckles, "Well if you want to, you can." He flashes that boyish smile of his at you and it hurts. His eyes and nose crinkle and his features are so bright. "I said it before, Y/n. I'll do anything for you."

God, that hurts. He cares about you too much. "Peter," You stop him in his tracks. He shouldn't be saying stuff like this. He needs to protect himself from you. "Don't say that." He's too attached, you can't let him be this attached.

Peter's soft expression turns puzzled and he turns to look at you. "Y/n?" He's looking at the side of your face while you keep your gaze straight ahead. "If it's about staying with me, I can get you your own place. I know-"

"Peter," Your voice is stern but tinted with softness as you cut him off. "I've got to do this stuff on my own."

"No," Peter protests immediately.

"What?" You sit up straighter now, looking at him deadly serious.

"You don't have to do anything alone. If it were me, you would say the same! I won't let you be alone with this." He sets his drink down on the coffee table as he continues to speak passionately. "I love you, Y/n." It's a confession masked as a friendly gesture of affection. "You're my friend." This covers his tracks though he wishes he didn't have to cover them in the first place. "I'm going to take care of you." It's the truth and it's real and he means it.

You can only look at him in awe, utter awe. He's serious about this.

"I-" He starts out confident but falters. Should I really say this? He catches the thought and tosses it aside. His confidence is back, only a bit less than before. "I can't lose you."

Something in you wants to slap him. He can't lose you? What the fuck!? You hold yourself back, hands tightly gripping your cup. You hang on his every word. Just what is he thinking?

Peter sighs, looking down momentarily, shaking his head. "I don't want things to be like before. I want to see you and be around you; I want to know that you're okay. And I want you to be happy."

You swallow his words and let them digest. They don't sound bad, at all. But there's a knot in your stomach and a scribbly, black haziness in the back of your mind setting off alarms.

Peter leans in as he says, "There's nothing wrong with asking for help." He sits back again, "You don't even have to ask, I'll just do!" He reaches out for your free hand, "I'm here for you." He gives your hand a small squeeze. "Just let me be here for you." It's a plea and it's all he can do.

Peter's greatest fear is loss. He's lost so many people in his life already he surely doesn't need to lose another. But losing you isn't exactly his main concern, it's seeing you live up to what you've always wanted, it's letting you chase your dreams and catching them, it's waking up every day with some real purpose, it's seeing you change for the better. His concern is you. His concern is your life. His concern is your well-being. His concern is your happiness and fulfillment. His concern is your recovery. And his concern is your change. He's lost you once, he won't lose you again.

It was all in the past now, you had nothing to be scared of. The road ahead is fruitful with opportunity. Peter is by your side. You're recovering. You can handle this. You've got it.

So if we could just pretend that I went to college

And traveled abroad, and did something different

Things go well for weeks and weeks, it feels as though nothing bad has ever happened before. But something sets you off. You see something on the street and return to Peter's loft as you cry like a maniac. You feel foolish for breaking down like you are, crying as hard as you are, and being unable to move from Peter's living room floor as you are. And even worse, Peter comes home.

He's taking off his coat casually as he normally would until he hears your sobs, then he rushes to your side. He rests his hand on your back and leans in close to ask what's wrong.

Your body refuses to let you answer and so, you just cry as he sits there before slowly pulling you closer and into his lap. He pets your hair and smooshes his cheek against your forehead as he quietly whispers. You two sit like this for about an hour before you finally calm down.

You try to wipe your tears away as fast and as best you can as you quickly crawl out of Peter's grasp, sudden and overwhelming embarrassment coming over you. "Please," You beg with your head held down, trying your best to keep Peter from seeing your face. "Can we just forget this all happened?" You're bent over now almost like you're praying even with your hands clasped in front of your head as your eyes though closed are pointed toward the ground. "Pretend I'm not some massive loser that wasted his life when you- you were here doing great things and I was just-" You sigh loudly, your head finally collapsing against Peter's floor. "Please," You cry out as tears start flowing heavily and you can feel a sob start to rack through your body, "please."

Your head hangs, chin pressing against your chest. Your eyes feel hazy and you can't see much. Your back is pressed against the cool brick of the wall behind you that you can barely feel due to the thick sweater and bloated jacket that warms your torso. Your legs are out in front of you and you laugh at their strange longness. You look at your feet next, the shoes they're adorned in, and how they too look strange and funny to you. You start laughing more and more, finding everything oh-so-funny.

Anything but just sitting at home

For three and a half years

Writing song, after song, after song

Your arms now look as if shooting targets were made out of Swiss cheese. The holes only seem to get larger and darker, like the darkness could swallow your body whole if you weren't careful. And you weren't. Your eyes had always been dark but now they were pits, black holes of nothingness, no knowledge held there, nothing, just nothing. Your face is sunken like the tar roads in the summer, always sinking deeper and deeper or like the deep trenches of the sea where something terrible lies. Your lips are chapped like the hands of the working man, skin always peeling off, and never able to be quite comfortable because they are raw and red and always rubbing against each other. You're as thin as a needle, legs barely able to function as you walk bone on bone, the grinding like that of teeth against teeth. Speaking of teeth, yours seem to keep falling out, leaving your mouth pouring blood flowing like the divine wine of Jesus.

Where was Jesus now? Not here to save you. Your Jesus, your divine savior, Peter Parker is far away now, not because he chose to be but because there is nothing else he could do, nowhere he could be, not for you. And you chose your new savior, it was not him. It used to sting your arm but it doesn't seem to do just that anymore. It helps you ascend but not as long as it used to. Your belief is starting to wane but not quick enough, not quick enough.

So what is it like to be by yourself

The elevator dings as Peter reaches his loft. He steps out with his coat hanging off his arm. The place is quiet, the only noise being made by Peter as he hangs up his coat and steps into his kitchen. He opens his cabinet, the grip on the little knob staying far longer than it needs to before he opens it and lets the knob go. He reaches up just like you had on your first night. He grips the bottle tightly and sets it on the counter, it makes a noise too, a sort of clinking sound almost. He grimaces as he grabs the neck of the bottle and opens it, the smell stings his nose as he brings it close. His lips kiss the bottle and he swallows some down.

The bottle accompanies Peter to his large and lonely couch, his tight grip around its neck, carrying it carelessly. He takes out the DVD that you left, your favorite movie, he's careful with it as he sets it in the DVD player (something you had ragged on him for not having when you were first there). (Something that he hadn't used since, not until today). (Something he would probably never get rid of now, only being thrown out when he was dead). He stumbles back over to his couch, falling onto it not as clumsily as he could manage but enough to shake up the alcohol in him. He extends his arm, pointing the small remote that came with the thing at the television and pressing play. His arm falls against the couch as the remote leaves his fingers, finding a new home in the arms of the faithful couch.

He watches almost angrily, there isn't anything like it, this emotion Peter feels. Is it really anger? Contempt even? Surely, not toward you. But the drug, toward the drug. ...Right? Or was he even angry? Hateful maybe. Toward you, toward the drug, toward himself. What was this that he was feeling? It's like an ache with no name or possible description. Empty isn't the right word. He's not hollow inside, he's all filled up, some even splashing out of him but what is it? What is this substance, this feeling, this emotion, spilling out of Peter Benjamin Parker? What is this thing that spills past his lips and fills up his head? Is it... you...? Surely not, that's ridiculous!

Peter doesn't notice until now, too focused on the movie he's seen far too many times, but his hands are trembling. His knuckles are a soft red, his veins are all in place, those little clumps of blueish-skin-pigment below the reddened knuckles, his fingers long and intermittently pale the ends a bit darker than the rest, all shake in chorus. He flexes his fist, bending his fingers and splaying them out, then he checks again. They shake just as much as they first did.

And not feel like you'll die around everyone else?

Your hands were shaking, that was the first thing you noticed. It's almost exhilarating, they shook like they did when you first shot up. It was heaven. This was cloud nine. You were in paradise, lost in it. Your head was delirious, your eyes were bleary, your lips trembled as much as your hands, you were about to lose it all and all you could think about was how great this high was. You were about to die outside a house, just on the steps, of a den of drugs, a place filled with people dying just like you were about to, and all you could think about was how great this high was.

Quickly, your thoughts shift to how awful this was. Your body lost control. You fell. Your head split against the concrete of the makeshift porch. Your back fell into the stairs that sat on either side were two dying drug addicts. Foam spilled past your lips and for a brief moment you thought of Peter then you were back to focusing on dying. You couldn't control your body. Your eyes would not work with you to see. They were gone now, they no longer wished to see the world. Your hands wouldn't do what you told them to. Your ears were ringing, there was so much noise, noise, noise! Why couldn't there be quiet!? Everything just needed to stop for a second, so that you could get a grip on things. You would set things straight. You wouldn't be found in places like this anymore. You would die somewhere resectable. But death doesn't care about respect, for him, there is no respectable place to die, and you are just another soul to be collected. Indifference is his gift but the indifference of the junkies you died next to led to searching through your pockets and hands all over your body and privacy violated and nothing left on you but the things they didn't care for. Your ID, some crumpled note you'd shoved deep into your pocket, a few too many wrappers for too many different things, and something else.

I thought I was one in a million

The distant clattering of silverware and private conversations set the stage as Peter sits across from a fine, young gentleman. He holds a menu in front of himself, his hair slicked back something you had told him made him look handsome you had said, his feet nervously sliding back and forth. Words come out of the gentleman's mouth and everything starts to fade out like watching a movie as your eyes blink more and more before you fall asleep.

It didn't go well whatever that was. A date, Peter supposes, an awful date.

Peter holds a large bouquet of red roses. The dark red is contrasted by the white plastic that wraps around them. He holds them with both hands. He shifts his shoulders uncomfortably, his lips moving awkwardly against each other. His stride isn't really a stride, rather a walk but a quick one, like he has somewhere to be. A date perhaps?

Well, thanks for nothing

Peter's stride leads him into a cemetery. He passes headstone after headstone, a few full-on statutes, and some grave markers. The roses are strange in his hands in this cemetery. He shifts his grip on them a few times. His collar feels like it's choking him and sticking his finger under it hasn't done anything. His thoughts don't consume him this time like they usually seem to do; some are seething, others are sad, most are guilty, and a lot are what-ifs. Never helpful, those what-ifs. Peter accidentally passes your grave before stepping back.

He reads the engraving as he always does before taking careful steps over. He sits above your dead body (that's buried several feet down), in front of your headstone (that stares back at him like a gargoyle), and underneath a weeping willow (that he wished he could see you under, not like this, not like this). "Well," Peter starts, setting down the roses, "he was allergic to roses." He sighs. "I miss you." He leans over, resting a hand on top of your headstone and closing his eyes.

He talks some more and if anyone were watching him, they might think he was having quite the conversation with a headstone. He moves his hands and looks at the headstone like a person, making eye contact with it, maybe even willing it to respond. It never does. And it never has. It's too bad you didn't have a spirit, you might have sat underneath that willow, leaning back against it, and watching Peter just for something to do. But you were dead and that was that. There was no coming back from being dead. Your body was buried beneath the earth and now you belonged to her.

Peter groans as he gets to his feet, "Well, buddy," He rests his hand on your headstone, patting it almost like you would a dog, "I've got to get going. I'll see you tomorrow, alright?" He pauses, not intentionally but he lets the silence hang in the air in hopes he might get a response. He never gets a response. There is no satisfaction or catharsis for him, only the silence of the whistling wind and the whipping of the willows as they reach as far off their branches as they can. Maybe if he hoped hard enough, one day he would get that long-awaited response and you wouldn't have died for nothing.

Peter's lids are heavy as he tries to blink away sleep. This never works just like all those other things. He always falls asleep; you never answer him. He just wishes you would answer him. Peter's eyes close rather quickly this time and nothing matters but the dream he can feel is real and he feels apart of it.

Thank you

Peter's hand reaches out as you fall, your fingers graze his. He can see the desperate look in your eyes like a dog begging for its life. Your eyes are not only desperate but terrified too. (Like a dog that knows it's going to be put down, he thinks). Some noise comes from you, some words but his ears can't decipher them, like everything in his dreams they are distant, blurry, and unmemorable. He just wants to know what you're screaming. He can see the extension of your jaw, the crinkling and wrinkling in your face, and the raise of your brows but he still can't hear what it is you're saying.

Then the scenery shifts. You slipping past his fingers is no big deal as you fall onto a hospital bed. You look at him all tired like and puppy dog kicked. You are worn out and bruised like a dropped fruit or a childhood blanket. You look like you might be molding. Your face is sunken in, your eyes hauntingly dark and blank, the flesh of your nose beginning to rot away, and the plush of your lips gone now replaced by the hard, cold warning of your teeth. You're missing a few and your gums are starting to turn yellow. Peter can't save you. He can't do anything. He watches as you rot. He tries to leave the chair he's stuck in but he can't, his arms won't even lift off the sides. He can't get to you. You're so far away.

Before your body can fully decompose and shift into sand and fly away in the wind, again, the scenery changes. Paris. He can really only recognize it by the Eiffel Tower. You had talked about it before. A lot. Before you left. Before what happened, happened to you. Peter wanted to go there with you. He never got the chance. At least you had seen it yourself. He finds it strange that he stands in Paris but he can't see you ...like you're gone. But then everyone is screaming and there from the clouds falls a body. Your body is falling, your arms are spread out, and you're limp like a fish. In seconds, your back is pierced by the spire of the Eiffel Tower. Killed by the very thing you love. Or loved. Or did you even love it all? Did you just talk about it?

There is no time for Peter to process seeing someone he loves getting killed right in front of him. He's in an alley now like the one you died in. There are homeless people and drug addicts, drug dealers, and you. You stand there like an angel with your skin glistening thanks to the sun and despite the grime in the air. Peter can't take his eyes off of you. He doesn't want to anyway. He needs to see you like this, happy and aware and bright-eyed and in good standing with life. He can't bear the reality of flesh and bone and blood and six feet underground. It's always been a flaw of his. Feeling those that are dead are not really, not really. They still linger, he feels them, he can't see or hear them but he knows them. He can feel the brush of fingers against his back or the jostle of his loose curl. They live within him, just outside of him, in his fingers and feet and the way his eyes move follows them though he can't really see them there.

A blood-curdling crack stops everything. In a moment, you're lying on the ground with blood running from your forehead down past your chin and drip-dropping against your neck. And Peter is down on his knees in front of you, holding your torso, pulling it up onto his lap, and he holds your head like a kid holds a teddy bear. He strokes your hair as you gurgle up blood. He can't do anything for you. He's stuck. He's not allowed to save you. He is not allowed to save you. You did not need saving. He didn't know what you needed and neither did you. With your head in his arms and his nose pressed against the line of blood down your forehead and your limp body against his thighs, he rocks back and forth, whispering things he doesn't know and you can't hear. You'll be okay. I've got you. I won't leave you. You can't leave me. You will live through this. And your dead, limp body is not motivated to live.

And there you lie, next to him in his bed, your head turned toward him, and you're smiling. The sun shines on both of you; Peter can feel it on his skin. Like being kissed by a god. Like being kissed by you. He's a cat in a sunspot and you're stretching out toward him. Your fingers brush against his cheeks and you're smiling at him. He fills your vision; Peter can see his reflection in your big, beautiful eyes. He wants to kiss you and you move closer. Your eyes stay on him the whole time, if it weren't so beautiful, it'd be unnerving.

You're on top of him now. Your hands -fingers and palms- caress his chest, trace his collarbone, feather down his ribs to his hips. He shudders under your touch. He wants it again. He wants it real. He doesn't realize it isn't yet. On all fours, over Peter's body, you lean down and kiss him. It holds, lasting long enough for him to hold your cheek and to satisfy him if for a fleeting moment. You pull back, your eyes staring into his; he's in love. (You're not real). Your hands trail down his chest again as you sit on top of him. You're just looking at him.

And when Peter turns, now awake, he's alone; you're not there by his side. He reaches out across the sheets like you would reach out if you could. Poor Peter, he doesn't know.

#murder writes #peter parker x reader #peter parker x male reader #peter parker x male!reader #peter parker x m reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x m!reader #peter parker you make me sad

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sandorara · 2 years ago

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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love❤

Oh, this is so nice! And incredibly difficult, which has made me feel nice. Can you believe I have so many works I'm still pleased with that it was difficult to choose? What a pleasant feeling.

Anyway, in chronological order of posting, starting from the most recent. I've decided not to choose unfinished ones or co-authored pieces, so we're going decently far back right from the start.

1. See you in Eorzea - Yizhan & FF14, 69k, E I (M 28) picked up someone (M 2x) in a video game and I think they might be famous. Please advise.

Famous/non-famous MMORPG AU, meet cute in Sastasha. My longest work ever when I wrote it, and it was completed before posting anything. Still really happy with it, and, Yoshi-p should pay me royalties for how many converts it's created. I'm confident you do not need to know yizhan to enjoy it, if you would like to give it a try 💕

2. For the future you (the one without me) - Yizhan, 6.4k, T “Why Singapore?,” she’d asked him once, and he’d not known how to answer. An exploration of what may lie outside the few minutes the Vogue Film offered.

Inspired by a Vogue shortfilm Wang Yibo starred in, link to it can be found in the a/n of the fic. 9 minutes, very aesthetically worth it. I'm really happy with the atmosphere of this work, and I feel like it's very representative of my shorter, fleetier, ever bittersweet style. Am proud still. 🥺

3. Written, never said - cql - lwj & mianmian, wangxian, 6.6k, G ”I have a letter to deliver to young lady Luo Qingyang. It has arrived from Gusu today, with the quickest delivery.”

Thirteen years of correspondence, understanding and friendship.

My Mianmian and LWJ friendship agenda. Epistolary fic covering the years of WWX's death through Mianmian's eyes on the letters she receives and writes. I'm still happy with how this one conveys what I wanted to say. I'm pleased with it stylistically. And they deserved that friendship, IT WAS THERE, OK.

4. Sensations - ffxiv - wolexarch, 4.7k E ”Make it hurt, please,” he’d finally whispered, as each day, more of his body was being eaten away by the crystal, leaving him missing touch in places he did not know he’d wanted it.

A stand-alone AU within my wolfic series in which G'raha's crystallisation speeds up after the events of 5.0 and the completion of his mission. and with it comes loss of sensation. This one came to be when my dear friend @draiochteve prompted me to write "soft knifeplay". I love the bittersweet desperation and love I managed to convey in this one, and, I just want you to take note of the publication date: This was posted exactly a year before the release of patch 5.3. 😌

5. Nothing more than a willing substitute - ffxiv, asahi/zenos, 4.3k, E He would do anything to please his beloved Prince.

Oldest one here and I will admit I'm impressed that I still think it's worthy of this list, five years later. One of my first 14 fics, and definitely the most wretched thing I had ever written at the time. Mayhap one may call it my descent into the filth-pit. Asahi just made me feral, and it worked out. My dear gf @g0g0mi just desrcibed this one as "iconic", so. Unrecruited obsession love, swordplay, bondage, choking... there are things. IDK. My brand started here, OK. And, I think it still holds up. 😎

Thank you for letting me do this, it was quite the mood-boost! Will pass it on. 😊

#own fic #fanfiction #ffxiv #yizhan #cql

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themostvindictivemind · 1 year ago

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Time to brainrot about something I guess since I'm being kept up with a migraine.

Now you probably wouldn't think it from looking at me, but I am actually very, very much deeply obsessed with linguistics. To an unhealthy degree, some might say. And one of my favorite linguistic concepts is "This is a stupidly hilarious pun in Language A, but it makes no sense in Language B" The prime example of this is an old Sumerian/Babylonian joke that at this point has had several thousand video essays written about it. You know the one: "A dog walks into a tavern. 'I can't see anything!' he says. 'I'll open this one.'"

And who could forget the Greek Philosopher Chrysippus? In one of the accounts of his death, it is said that he got a bit too drunk at a party and, upon witnessing a donkey eating figs, he said "someone should get that donkey some pure wine to wash down the figs!". He then fucking died of laughter at his own joke. Beause apparently that was the funniest shit he'd ever seen.

Now neither of those make sense in any living language or modern culture, but the fact that it was written down at all means it made enough people laugh for it to be worth recording. And it's fun to look at living languages and see what makes the native speakers laugh but still utterly baffles everyone else. Even better, digital archeaologists in a thousand years are going to have a field day with this post if they ever stumble upon it, so here are a few of my favorite untranslatable puns: Hungarian: A man is pulled over by the police. The officer asks, "Are you drunk?". The man replies, "No, sir, Ivett is my wife"

Japanese: Why dont Hawaiians go to the dentist? Good teeth.

Finnish: "A bar and a screwdriver". That's the entire joke, by the way. Set up and punchline, apparently both right there, and in the original Finnish it's only two words. Apparently it's a reference to something? I'm just going to assume this is a thing you say and people laugh, much like "omae wa, mou shinderu"

Spanish: What fruit is the most patient? It's a pear. So fun fact, my Aunt is from Mexico, and I decided to tell her this joke in the original Spanish (which as a consequence of having a Mexican aunt, I speak pretty well). And I shit you not that as soon as the words "es pera" left my mouth, she let out the longest, heaviest, most world-weary sigh I have ever heard in my 20 years of life, before returning to the tamales she was making. I guess she now knows that my pun game has transcended to include her native language, and in that moment she was preparing herself for the ensuing decades of Spanish wordplay

Another from Japanese because they are gods of wordplay: "7-Up, Pepsi, Coca-Cola, they're all types of what?" "Soda?" "That's right!"

Chinese: "Who is Mi's mother?" "Hua, because peanuts". I took Chinese in high-school and I can verify that this is the shittiest pun I've ever seen, but the reddit user who posted it says "I am yet to find a single Chinese/Taiwanese person who does not find it hilarious"

Aussie English (which I'm including both for English rep and because Aussie slang is so markedly different that Brits and Americans are still unlikely to get it): "What's the difference between fat and cholesterol? You can't crack a cholesterol".

Danish: One sign says to another, "Are you married?" The other replies, "No, I'm divorced"

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE: French: "He wished to be Caesar, but he died as Pompey" -- George Clémenceau, commenting on the death of President Felix Faure (I refuse to explain this one or give any further context, go look it up)

Oh and side note. Obviously, no world leader can speak every language, so interpreters are a necessity for negotiation. And of course, world leaders and diplomats are going to try the lighten the mood occaisionally with humor. But for negotiations between most countries, that's hard to do, because there are very few puns with much cross-linguistic utility. Sure, you have that one joke about where cats go when they die that works in English and most Romance languages, but for some more serious negotiations, the number of puns that would make sense in both languages is pretty close to zero, and may very well BE zero. So the question arises, how do interpreters deal with that? Of course there are a lot of possible methods, not all of which are good or even remotely efficient. You could just translate the pun word for word, but as evidenced by the fact that that's literally what I did above, it's not gonna work that well. Explaining the joke also isn't gonna fly, because as we all know, the second you explain a joke is the seond it becomes Not Funny Anymore. The method I've found that I think works best is just to say "They have said a pun that doesn't translate well to English. Laugh now." Which is funny not just because it works, but because it works amazingly. That person on the other end of the table (who we are assuming doesn't speak a lick of English) has no clue what the interpreter is saying, and so must assume their joke was translated faithfully. Sure, their interpreter might know depending on how the whole thing is set up, but considering the vetting process you have to go through to be an interpreter for the POTUS , I highly doubt anyone is going to risk national security over a joke being left untranslated. Both leaders have a laugh, everything ends on good terms, and we avoid nuclear annihilation for another few weeks.

#linguistics #language #puns #terrible puns #bad puns #rambles

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cocosstories · 3 years ago

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Henry Cavill One Shot

Hey! I had a request for henry cavill if that’s possible for you. I thought about something where reader is famous too and they are doing the game spill your guts together. They don’t really know each other but they kinda have a crush on each other. Can the reader be also younger than him like in her 20’s or something?

You were in the guest dressing room, getting ready for your appearance on James Corden.

Despite your better judgement, you had agreed to play his infamous game of 'Spill Your Guts Or Fill Your Guts', regretting the decision almost immediately when you hear that Henry Cavill will be playing with you.

For the last couple of years, you and Henry had crossed paths a few times, never really getting the chance to actually spend any sort of time together with your busy schedules.

If you had to be honest though, you always had somewhat of a crush on him and were a little bummed that you have never actually got the chance to meet him.

As the show began, more nerves crept up and before you knew it, you were being warned that it was almost time to join Henry and James on stage for the game.

"Welcome back everyone. Now Henry we are going to play a game but I think we need to bring a special guest out to make it a little more fun so ladies and gentlemen please welcome Y/F/N Y/L/N!"

James introduces you and you walk out, joining the two men at the table that has an interesting odor coming from it.

You give James a quick hug before turning to Henry who is smiling brightly at you.

He goes in for a hug as well and you take in his cologne for a second before you remember you are on national TV and back away a bit.

"So Henry you will ask me questions, Y/N will ask Henry and I will ask Y/N. Lets see what foods we will have to eat if we choose not to answer."

James explains the rules as you stare down at the extremely unsatisfying looking 'food' in front of you.

"We have bird saliva, cow tongue, bull penis, grasshoppers, salmon smoothie, 1000 year old egg, calf's brain and cod sperm."

You, Henry and the audience let out a collective, disgusted groan with each new food he says.

"Alright, Y/N, I am going to ask you the first question. So I am going to give you the bull penis."

James says, turning the table so the dish was in front of you.

"I mean you could have given me worse I guess."

You say looking down at the bowl in front of you.

"Y/N, out of all of the movies you've done, which one was the worst?"

Laughs come from James as he asks the question while the audience lets out a chorus of 'oohhs'

You think about the question for a moment, trying to decide if it is worth risking your career to answer it so you don't have to chew on bull penis.

"I have an answer but I don't want to ruin any chances of working with certain people again so..."

You pick up a piece of the bull penis and take a deep breath before taking a bite.

"Oh my god."

You say, quickly grabbing the spit bucket.

"Its so chewy."

After taking a sip of water, you compose yourself and look at the table trying to decide what to give to Henry.

"So, Y/N, what will you be giving to Superman?"

James asks with a smirk.

"Be nice, please."

Henry chuckles.

"Well, I've seen your Instagram and you seem to like to eat healthy so you know what? I'm going to give you the Salmon smoothie."

The audience laughs as you turn the table so the pink sludge is in front of Henry who looks like he might want to kill you for it.

You pick up the card and giggle a little bit.

"Henry, rate your last three girlfriends from best to worst."

The audience laughs as Henry looks at you with a slight but joking glare.

"Hey, this is James' show! I didn't write the questions!"

You say looking to James.

Henry takes the glass and closes his eyes before taking a big drink then almost immediately spits it into the bucket.

After taking a few seconds to recover, Henry looks at James before choosing the worst possible choice on the table for him, finally deciding on the bird saliva.

"James, what celebrity have you turned down for carpool karaoke and why?"

Without even a thought, James picks up the martini glass and takes a swig of the cloudy liquid as you and Henry both gag for him.

James regains his composure once he spits into the bucket and takes multiple drinks of water and picks your next food.

"Cod sperm, I think."

The grin on his face was almost devilish.

"I mean you already gave me bull penis so why not keep the theme alive."

You shrug trying to play off how grossed out you were.

"Ooohhh, Y/N, would you rather score a date with Captain America or Superman?"

He asks and you look at him shocked.

"You're really going to out me on the spot like that, James? I feel like since I am a part of Marvel, I have to pick Cap but I mean Henry is right here so that would be rude not to pick him."

You say, trying to figure out what to say.

"It's ok love, you can pick Captain America. No hard feelings."

Henry says sweetly trying to help you make the choice as the audience swoons.

"Well alright then. Cap is my man."

You laugh then begin looking at what was left on the table.

"Ok Henry, I'm going to be nice and give you the crickets. I hear they are a delicacy in some parts of the world."

You give him a cute wink as you spin the table then pick up the next card.

"Would you like to go on a da-"

You stop as you read the last part of the question to yourself then look up to James and shake your head.

"What? What does it say? Read the question."

James asks with a knowing smirk.

"No, I can't read this!"

You refuse.

"It's ok, you can read it. I don't mind."

Henry says, urging you on and you shake your head again.

James finally reaches over and takes the card from you.

"I'll read it. Henry, would you like to go out on a date with Y/N?"

The audience gasps as you look down at your hands.

Henry blushes a bit and smiles.

"I would love to."

You look up at him quickly, almost in shock at his answer.

"Well, that was our first ever love connection on Spill Your Guts Or Fill Your Guts! Stick around and we will be right back with Y/F/N Y/L/N after the break!"

The show goes to commercial and the stage hands begin to clear the set.

"Why did you say yes?"

You ask Henry, thinking he was just trying to be a good sport for the game and play along with James' crazy antics.

"Because, I've been wanting to ask you out for the longest time and never had the chance before."

He admits and you feel your heart begin to pound.

"Really?"

Was all you could manage to get out and Henry chuckles.

"Really. So, after the show? Maybe we can grab a late dinner?"

Henry takes your hand in his with a hopeful smile.

"That sounds great."

You reply just as you are told the commercial break was about to end and are led up on stage to join James for your segment while Henry heads backstage to figure out where to take you on your first date.

#Henry Cavill One Shot #Henry Cavill x reader #Henry Cavill #Cocos stories

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kitten4sannie · 2 years ago

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groupie anon back at it again!! also this nickname has me BLUSHING grhsfbksj also reading your replies is always so fun because I get to see my original message too (I have a terrible memory and so it's always a surprise for me too)

my rant is significantly shorter this time, though I do have to address one thing: calling yungi the 'twin towers' was FOUULL. it had me wheezing, that shit was hilarious and I will be using that from now on.

I write for different anime fandoms! (I feel like I gave my account away hahaha oh well, oopsie). see, I prefer writing fluff because it makes me blush and act even more delulu than I already am, but smut is your forte. you write it so well it makes me curl up into a ball and wonder what good I did in my life to deserve such immaculate pieces of literature.

also I spent almost all day at work today thinking about what I could write about for my first kpop fanfic and I've circled back to this one idea like 5 times.... sannie sick fic. SANNIE SICK FIC!!!!! no seriously imagine him all snotty and flushed, BEGGING to be cuddled but you can't because he's contagious, so you make him soup and tuck him in and he's so cute and soft and his hair is definitely greasy because he's been in bed for almost a week straight (but you give him a scalp massage because he's sannie and nothing can keep you away from him) but not even a yucky virus can stop his talkativeness and he keeps rambling until you shove a spoonful of soup into his mouth to shut him up and he's so FLIRTY like sir are you sick or are you drunk?? he's so in love and reader is just as in love with him back.

phew.

okay so sannie came up and suddenly I'm a liar for saying my rant would be shorter this time (isn't this the longest message I've sent so far??). I think you can tell why I enjoyed that san fic so much ahdbsjfbs he's got me in the tightest chokehold, there's nothing I wouldn't let him do. absolutely nothing, anything that was once off the table is very much on the table if he wishes it to be. the man can reach inside my body, pull out one of my kidneys, sell it, then fuck me into the mattress, and I would still get on my knees and beg to suck his dick afterwards. seonghwa, too, can treat me like I'm nothing but a couple holes to play with. I genuinely need to censor myself right now because if I say any more, the psych ward people might come for me.

also drummer jongho is so... yes. despite not reading any jongho fics, I will be found dead before I ever deny that that man does not give off the most attractive energy ever, but he's also a cute little teddy bear. personally, I love fics where he's my little brother hafjdbf, they're literally always the best ones ahaha.

uni started again for the year and I thought I'd be more busy with that and work, but I will personally make time to write that sannie fic because it's life or death at this point tbh. happiness doesn't come from grades, it comes from booseoksoon and sannie sick fics. also it would be nice to actually chat normally rather than through asks hahhaha.

until next time!! (I will read the valentine day hwa fic tonight, so you will probably get another message from me soon - I read the tags, I need a couple hours to mentally prepare for it)

P.S., my laptop crashed three times while I was writing this, but the universe will never stop me from sharing my love.

hey!! blushing pleaseee stop being so wholesome rn i can’t take it 😭😭 i love it too it’s like we’re public pen pals ;;;; pffff no same i have the memory of a fruit fly i prob won’t even remember what i typed out after i finish this sentence jshdgd

it was so foul fnrrrr but also so true!! i actually saw someone else on here use that term so kudos to them for coining that shit’s funny af and i’m glad you could get a good laugh out of it!

anime fandoms hmmmmm i’m gonna do a little investigating 👀🔍 ughhh i love fluff that shit makes me blush harder than hardcore smut i swear ??? pleasee you’re gassing me up sm it’s making me feel like debby ryan in that one movie 😭

little cut here

SICK SANNIE FIC ???? my third eye is open and my chakras are aligned like - you’re a genius dude!!! NOT FEEDING HIM SOUP AND GIVING HIM A SCALP MASSAGE AND HES ALL FLUSHED AND HES STILL FLIRTINGGGG EVEN THOSE HES DYING THATS SO FUCKING SWEET IM GETTING A CAVITY RN,, sorry for yelling but damn son

BROOOO I CANT - the thirstiness for san is so fucking relatable it hurts like i swear i’ve never been down this bad for anyone before but i would actually sell my soul to lucifer himself rn just to be a hole for that man but honestly anyone and everyone in ateez could get 25/8 and it’s cool the psych ward is knocking at my door as we speak 💅🏼

jongho was actually my very first bias!! his stage presence and voice during the their first mama performance (which was the first ateez thing i ever saw) blew me away and THEN i find out he’s the sweetest, softest, most respectful man to ever exist ??? and his gummy smile broooo holy shit

i hope uni and work goes well! exactly you should do the things you love 💕 feel free to send me a message! i don’t bite <3 i hope you enjoy it! i don’t blame you every time i see a tag for sub hwa my brain feels a little fuzzy ngl. i’m sorry it crashed ;; i appreciate you sharing it with me 💜

nooo i’m sorry it crashed! my phone closes tumblr all the time when i’m in the middle of typing and it takes years off my life 😔 god you’re so sweet 😭

#ask #for groupie anon 🎸

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super-unpredictable98 · 4 years ago

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Hard Candy (~Misfits AU~)

Chapter 6: Getting Away With Murder For Dummies

Warning: strong language, implied smut, mention of death and alcohol.

(Hard Candy Masterlist)

I'm usually not one to waste water, but when I got home I took the longest shower of my life. Carrying corpses around was no walk in the park, the smell stuck with me for a while. I was really hoping no one would decide to look in that tiny forgotten room, but knowing Nathan was there made me feel more at ease.

- There she is, I've been waitin' for ya - I heard that familiar voice as I was walking to the Center in the morning.

- Oh, and why is that? - I replied playfully.

- I haven't kissed you in what? 5 hours? That's way too much.

- We should rectify that...

Nathan grinned widely before pulling me closer to meet my lips. His tongue teasing them until I allowed it in my mouth, his hands instantly sliding down to my arse to give it a playful squeeze.

- That's better - he said, catching his breath.

- Did you dream of me or something? - I ran my hand over his hair.

- Yeah, and it was a nice one, woke up covered in spunk.

- I'm so flattered... Maybe later you can show me what happened in your dream?

- It'll be my pleasure - he bowed dramatically - and yours.

- So, what have you eaten for breakfast? - I locked arms with him as we walked to the Center.

- A pack o’Revels, why?

- Oh nothing... I just happen to have a couple of turkey cheese sandwiches and some fresh juice laying on my backpack. Would you be interested in that?

- You made that for me? - The look in his eyes broke my heart.

- Yeah, I always see you eating that crap, so thought you might like some real food for a change.

- Wow - I thought I was about to hear some cheeky remark, but it wasn't the case - thanks, no one's ever worried 'bout me like that.

- Well, I hope you like it - I gave him the paper bag I brought.

- Are you always this sweet or am I just really good at sex?

- A little bit of both...

Nathan started devouring the food, I wonder how long it's been since he had a real meal. Doesn't matter, he deserved it after getting me food and beer so many times in the future when I was studying late at night.

- I know who did it! - Kelly's scream as we entered the locker room made Nathan nearly choke.

- Who was it? - I asked.

- It's Jodi! Saw her ex-boyfriend, he's bald too! I think she's got a power or somethin', that bitch did this to me!

- She has the power to turn people bald? That is rubbish - Nathan giggled before taking a sip of orange juice.

- When I catch her, I'm gonna batter 'er, rip her tits off!

- Hey, you lot - Simon came in with a smile followed by Curtis and Alisha - I know what we can do with the bodies.

- Go on then, spit it out - Kelly leaned against the lockers.

- We should bury the bodies under the foundations of the environmental monitoring station before they pour in the concrete.

- So your plan is to dig up the bodies and then rebury them in the exact same place... You're a genius! - Nathan smiled.

- That works! - Curtis nodded.

- That's so smart, Si - I nudged his arm.

- It's okay... - Nathan scoffed, suddenly bothered with all the praise Simon was getting.

- We're gonna need your dad's car - Curtis turned to Alisha.

- Yeah, whatever... - She rolled her eyes.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

By the end of the day, we all reunited to wait for the car and get the bodies out of the Center.

- So, what are you doin' after work? - Nathan put an arm around me.

- I'm meeting a very cute bloke who lives nearby.

- Oh - he was taken aback - I hope you have fun...

- It's you, dumbass - Kelly shook her head - you're the bloke.

- Ah, that makes sense - he sighed relieved - hey, where's she goin'?

Alisha was leaving with Ben to God knows where to do God knows what for God knows how long.

- She hookin' up with him? - Kelly asked, slightly grossed out.

- That is definitely on - Nathan laughed.

- How are we supposed to move the bodies without her dad's car? - I looked at Simon for an answer, but he had none.

- You need to get that tart on the phone and tell her we need her dad's car to shift the stiffs! - Nathan whispered angrily at Curtis, who ignored it completely.

- Where are you goin’? We need to move the bodies... - Kelly muttered.

- You deal with it! - Curtis shouted as he walked off.

- We can take Sally's car - Simon suggested.

- Who's Sally? - Nathan looked at him puzzled.

I chuckled watching Simon's face, Nathan is lucky to be this cute and funny, because brains are not his strong suit...

- Let's go, I have my first student in less than two hours - I hurried back to the center.

- I'll turn invisible and grab Sally's keys - Simon explained.

- That's a great plan.

- It's fine... Like is it really that great? - Nathan took my hand, was he jealous of Si? That's honestly hilarious.

In just a few minutes Simon had the keys and we all went upstairs to get the bodies. Let me tell you... If I thought it was heavy last night with everyone helping, today it was almost impossible to carry those guys.

Somehow we managed to get them to the car and were trying to stuff them in the boot. When I say we, I mean Kelly, Simon, and I because Nathan was in the driver's seat looking in the mirror.

- Wanna give us a hand? - Kelly sounded annoyed.

- I'm the designated driver - Nathan turned around appalled.

- Come help us, Nate - I moaned - please... Otherwise, I'll be so tired after work, I'll just fall right asleep.

- On it - Nathan was out of the car in a split second.

- Thank you - I kissed his cheek softly.

- Which one's this? - Nathan groaned as we lifted the second body.

- The probation worker - Simon replied.

- He's a fat bastard... Oh shit! Get down!

Nathan pulled my hand and it took me a second to understand what we were hiding from. Sally was walking towards the car. My heart was beating so fast I'm pretty sure one would hear it from a mile away.

Sally looked for her keys and obviously didn't find them, if we were lucky she would go back inside to look in her office, but as you probably noticed by now... We're not that lucky.

- Where are the keys? - I turned to Nathan.

Fear dawned on his face as we heard the sound of the engine starting. I guess when I said brains were not his strong suit, I meant he has none.

- Shit... - He grimaced.

- Nathan! I can't fucking believe this, man! - I scolded.

- C'mon, Lollipop, I already feel bad enough, don't look at me like that...

- How do you want me to look at you after you've done something so stupid?

- With tenderness and lust?

- Oh, fuck off... - I pushed him as we all walked back to the Center - You gotta call Curtis and tell him what happened.

- Why me?

- Cause you're the useless prick that put us in this situation! - Kelly barked.

- Fair enough... - Nathan nodded sadly. I almost felt bad, but then I remembered that our probation worker was driving around with two dead bodies in the trunk.

When we got to the roof, Nathan grabbed his phone to call Curtis, maybe he'd be able to rewind time or some shit.

- Hey, man, so we were doin’ that little task and we ran into some trouble. We tried to steal the probation worker's car, but she came out and we had to hide. Someone left the keys in the ignition, but there's no point in namin’ names, it's done now. So she's drivin' around with the stiffs in the boot o'her car. Just thought you'd wanna know... Anyway, call me.

- Now let's hope he gets the message... - I rubbed my eyes violently.

- So I guess that's it - Nathan put his head on my lap and looked up at me - we're goin’ to prison.

- My career teacher always said I'd end up there - Kelly seemed conformed as well.

- You'll do well in prison, you have the whole bald thing, you're well butch...

Kelly started hitting him repeatedly and he squirmed trying to dodge her hand.

- You know you hit me a lot!

- Yeah, cuz you're a dick!

I caressed Nathan's hair slowly, I was still very much pissed at him, but I don't think he deserved all of those slaps...

- Maybe she won't look in the boot - Simon tried to make us feel better, which I thought was adorable.

- Fingers crossed ey? - Nathan smiled sarcastically.

- It's the best we can hope for - I shrugged - I didn't wanna leave you guys alone like this, but I have to go to work.

- No, please stay - Nathan pleaded - if you leave, Kelly will beat me senseless.

- Well, you deserve it! - She narrowed her eyes at him.

- It's not like I have a choice, Nats - I avoided looking into his sad puppy dog eyes - I'll be done in a few hours.

- Alright, then you come back?

- Promise.

- And you promise not to fall right asleep?

- Yes - I rolled my eyes with a smile.

- One more thing... Will you stay with me tonight? I might be freakin’ out a little bit over the whole jail thing.

- Yeah, no problem, I'll bring dinner.

- I don't deserve you, Lyds! - He playfully clutched his chest.

- You're right about that... - Kelly mumbled.

It was nice to forget the whole "we might go to jail" thing for a bit and just focus on something else, it wasn't easy, but it was nice.

After I was done with work, I put on some nicer clothes, packed my essentials, picked up dinner, and headed to the Community Center.

- Hey, did someone order burgers and beer with a side of Lollipop? - I shouted as I walked through the door.

- Thank God, I thought you wouldn't come - Nathan looked at me from his "room" upstairs.

- Sorry, I had to prepare someone for an audition, but I'm gonna make it up to you.

- I can think of a few ways for you to do that... - He smirked, watching me go up the stairs.

- How can you think of that when we might be getting arrested in a few hours?

- Well, if I'm goin' to prison, I wanna have one last night of happiness - he held me and kissed me softly.

- Yeah, me too - I bit my lip - but after dinner, I'm starving and I think we'll probably need the energy...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn't sleep much, but I guess I was lucky compared to Nathan, who got absolutely no rest at all. When I opened my eyes in the morning, he was looking at me and slowly stroking my hair.

- Hey - his voice was almost like a whisper - you look adorable when you sleep.

- Why are you being so cute out of a sudden? Where's my gobby Nathan?

- I've been so worried about goin’ to jail that I forgot you're also goin’ to jail - he frowned - I don't even wanna think about that...

- Nate, we're gonna find a way, we're not going to jail alright?

- How can you be so sure?

- I'm not, but I just have a feeling, you need to trust me - I ran my hand over his bare chest - now let's get ready, the others will be here any mi...

- Nathan? Lydia? - I heard Simon's voice coming from downstairs.

- Here, man - Nathan called.

- Oh my God! - Simon covered his eyes when he spotted us - You are...

- Naked? Oh yeah, it happens when a guy and girl have sex, you'll get there one day - Nate mocked.

I got dressed completely mortified, but Nathan, being the shameless prick he is, was pretty much unfazed.

After a long awkward silence where I avoided looking at Simon at all costs, the others arrived, almost at the same time.

- Did any of you get any sleep last night? - Nathan asked.

- No... - Curtis huffed.

- Hey, Lyds - Kelly pulled me to the side - you know what's gonna happen right? You know what we need to do to fix this...

- I wish I did, but I don't - I pressed my lips together.

- C'mon, didn't I ever tell you 'bout the time we shoved two bodies in the probation worker's car? It seems like a story I would tell my friend.

- No, you guys never told me anything cause you were scared to traumatize me.

- We would've been arrested by now if she found the bodies - Alisha tried to rationalize.

- Maybe they're waiting until we're all together - Simon said, scared.

- Why would you say somethin’ like that? - Nathan whimpered - Let's wait outside, she'll be here soon and we need to run.

We all silently agreed and sneaked out to hide and wait for Sally. Nathan was holding me like he was scared that I'd run away or disappear, his face squeezed against my breasts and the arms firmly wrapped around my back.

As the car slowly approached its parking spot, everything seemed normal, seems like we got away with it after all.

- She didn't look in the boot... - Kelly smiled.

- We're gonna be ok, we're not goin’ to prison! - Nathan celebrated by planting several kisses all over my chest.

- No! - Curtis panted - She's gonna get out of the car, she's gonna look in the boot and she's gonna find the bodies.

- How do you know? - Alisha asked.

- It's already happened once - he was petrified with fear.

- Oh, so now you rewind time... - Nathan raised his eyebrows.

- Thank God he did or we would all go to jail - I gave him a pointed look.

- Get the bodies, I got this - Nate sighed heavily.

I was a little bit scared of what he was about to do, but I just watched as Nathan grabbed a brick from a small pile on the sidewalk and threw it straight towards Sally's windshield. I looked agape at Kelly and she shrugged in response, that was so badass!

- What the hell are you doing? - Sally shouted.

- It's just... Pure mindless vandalism - Nathan flashed that beautiful smile of his.

- What's wrong with you? Are you mentally deficient? - She hissed.

- If I was mentally deficient I would've missed, check that out... Bull's eye!

I couldn't stop laughing, Nathan was about to get in so much trouble, but that was the funniest shit I've seen all week. Kelly covered my mouth with her hand, scared that my amusement would get Sally's attention, but I couldn't help it.

- My office. Now!

As Sally took Nathan inside, the rest of us quickly dragged the bodies out of the car and made sure no one was watching as we sloppily buried them under the flyover.

We had about 30 minutes until the workers arrived at the site. There was no point in digging too much since soon they would be covered in concrete anyway. I just hoped none of them noticed anything different and decided to investigate.

After we were done, the five of us watched from afar as the workers arrived and began to prepare the foundations. Simon's idea worked perfectly, I gave him a smile while we watched the concrete pour. The perfect ending to the perfect crime...

Hopefully now we'll have some peace until the next weird scary shit happens to us for no reason whatsoever.

The rest of the day was uneventful and I was very grateful for that. We just moved the boxes to be shipped to Africa and dealt with the uncomfortable stares Ben was giving to Alisha.

I honestly have no idea what went down between these two, but it didn't seem good, I guess it was possible to hate him after all...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

- There is our hero - I walked into the rooftop after we were done and sat on Nathan's lap.

- Don't say that, he's already full of himself... - Curtis shook his head.

- Well, I was a hero today, I think I deserve a little recognition - Nathan leaned back with a shit-eating grin and his arms folded behind his head.

- What happened to you by the way? - I mindlessly played with the collar of his uniform and the chain around his neck.

- Well, for starters...

- What was that? - I giggled.

- You want me to say it again? - He cocked an eyebrow with a smirk.

- Yeah.

- Starters - he said slowly.

- Again - I murmured.

- Starters... - He chuckled.

- What the fuck is that? - Curtis looked at us disgusted.

- Oh, Lyds is a fan of my accent, gets her all hot and bothered - Nathan clarified.

- Ah, man... Can't you do this somewhere else?

- It's not like we're shagging - I rolled my eyes.

- Yet - Nathan added.

- And we won't, not now, I got work soon - I looked back at him.

- Not even if I say... Thirty-three thousand three hundred and thirty-three? - He whispered next to my ear.

- Stop that! - I pushed him softly.

- What? What did I do? - That cynical bastard...

- Can't believe this is over - Alisha purposefully interrupted.

- Doesn't matter who's after us now, they're never gonna find the bodies - Kelly agreed.

- They're gonna think the probation worker is still alive - Simon said timidly - I stole his credit card and used it to book a flight.

- That is smart... - Curtis smiled.

- You're so good at this, Si - I turned to look at him.

- Yeah, nice one, weird kid - Nathan gave one of his famous backhanded compliments.

Simon's face lit up with the praise. Truth be told, without him we would all be dead by now, he's the brain of the gang.

- We should all go out for a drink, to celebrate - Simon got up - like an ironic fuck you to the probation worker. We're all out having a good time and you're buried under the foundations of an environmental monitoring station!

- See you all tomorrow, yeah? - Alisha ignored Simon's offer, winking at Curtis instead, with a knowing grin.

- Later - Curtis immediately jumped from his chair and followed Alisha back inside.

- There's no way I'm goin’ out until my hair grows back - Kelly looked at Simon apologetically.

- Well - Nathan took my hand so we could both get up.

- You wanna come out for a drink? - Simon asked, still hopeful.

- You askin’ me out on a date? - Nathan teased.

- No, I meant all of us...

- Did you? I am not your whore! - Nathan put a finger on Simon's face, his voice nearly cracking with fake desperation.

- Sorry, Si, I’m already late - I managed to say while cackling hysterically - come over for a beer tomorrow, though?

- Yeah - Simon seemed satisfied with compromising.

- Am I invited? - Nathan nudged my arm trying to play it cool.

- Um, let me think about it... - I chewed on my lip - Yeah, I guess you can come.

- You're a little tease, you know that?

- Yeah... Yeah, I know.

#misfits #Misfits tv #misfits nathan #misfits fanfic #misfits imagine #imagine #fanfic #Nathan Young #multichapter

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aleximustd13 · 4 years ago

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Shoutout to @followthecreeper for making this post and @slavet0thegrind for tagging me 🖤

So, since many of us here miss Alexi, I thought I might make a little fun tagging thing where we could remember him and talk about him. It’s up to you if you wanna answer with words or pictures and whether you wanna answer them all at once or daily. Or not at all ofc, I’m not forcing anyone, I just thought it might be nice.

1) When and how did you become a CoB fan?

I was probably uh... I don't know, about 13? I heard them before then but I didn't like them lmao. My sister got really into CoB when I was about 8 or 9. She was really passionate about them (also has a massive crush on Ale... Can't really blame her) so she made me listen to a couple songs (against my will). I remember very clearly she made me listen to the intro of Downfall and it stuck with me. Flash forward to when I was 13 and I asked my sister to put new songs in my mp3. I was like "What about Children of Bodom?" She looked at me and went "...I thought you hated them!" To that I replied that I was sure, I had changed my mind. From then on I listened to those five CoB songs I had aviable whenever I felt pissed or just felt the vibe for it (usually in winter. I remember listening to them on my way to school in like December on the bus while the sun was rising and I was like "WOW. what a vibe")

2) Do you own any merch?

Working on that! I've been wanting a big ass CoB hoodie for the longest of time but I found only tshirts so far in the places I looked. I might have to make my own merch at this point lmao

3) What is your favourite CoB album?

Hate Crew Deathroll. They really said "oops all bangers" with that one

4) What is your favourite project that Alexi worked on, beside CoB?

Probably The Local Band! I've been discovering his side projects only now and I love the idea of these dudes just jamming their favorite songs they grew up with y'know

5) Have you ever met Alexi?

Unfortunately, I have to say no 💔

6) Have you ever seen CoB live?

Still a no 😭💔

7) What is your favourite Alexi quote?

"Y'know"

Jokes aside lmao, probably that one where he says something along the lines of "don't be afraid to mess the song up, just switch off the the amp and get back in when you're ready. Don't be afraid to fail, that won't happen"

I don't know, I think it's really inspiring and gives you the idea of what kind of a person he is. Hell, I wish he was my teacher in high school bc I sure needed to hear something like that back then

8) What is your favourite Alexi moment?

Probably that moment when he pray painted his eyes in Trashed & Lost in Helsinki. I fucking laugh for ten minutes straight everytime. He's a fucking idiot and I love him

9) What is your favourite thing about Alexi?

I don't know, probably the fact that he didn't let fame get to his head. He always seemed so humble and approachable and like someone who truly loved his fans. The juxtaposition of him being as 'tall' as me, but had this fuck you attitude and was the embodiment of pure rage and chaos, with also the guitar skills of a god, while still having the time of being extremely gay (read it as in "showing affection") with his friends without fearing the judgement of others. The fact that he used his demons and fought them by transforming all his will to self destruct into something creative that could also inspire others. My favorite thing about Alexi is... just Alexi, y'know?

10) What is your favourite picture of Alexi?

I have a lot, and I am an indecisive bitch so you get three instead lmao. I think these sum him up pretty well 😂🖤

11) What’s your favourite guitar solo?

Oh man. There are a lot of great ones. I guess Dowfall or Bed of Razors, I get those solos stuck in my head all the time. Bodom Bitch Terror is up there too. I'd add Angels Don't Kill, but that's my favorite CoB song anyway, so, does it really count?

12) How did Alexi - and CoB - influence your life?

Children of Bodom were literally the only death metal band I could stand. I don't know why, but I refused to listen to anyone else of the genre for the longest of time. And there was something about Alexi's hysterical, rage filled vocals together with guitar solos inspired by classical music that always appealed to me, especially when I was pissed off. They were some kind of comfort that I'd always go back to. They -especially Alexi- were like old friends or distant relatives with whom you'd see each other every once in a lifetime, but when you did, you'd get piss drunk together and do stupid shit, it was pure mayhem and fun. There was also this special feel of them being "my own secret thing" like, I never met someone who listened to them (besides my sister of course) and I was never willing to share their music with anyone else (i don't think the friends I had would've liked them and my ex despised them) so they were super special for me for that reason as well. Like, I was never that vocal about it (not as much as I am with Nikki Sixx and Mötley Crüe), but they actually meant a whole fucking lot to me.

13) What would you tell Alexi if you had the chance?

Just... I don't know. Hug him. Tight. And probably say "I love you. You changed my life. I owe you so much"

...And that was it. Now excuse me while I go cry bc I miss Alexi so much 😭🖤

I tag @allulaiho if you wanna do it 🖤

#witchy.txt #tag you're it?#alexi laiho #children of bodom #god... it's been a week already.

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wintrgarden · 5 years ago

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a latte for your thoughts?

// a fan fiction dedicated to the winter garden couple of hospital playlist //

-----

"Ikjun, do you have my warm cup of hot latte?" Jeong won said, while walking towards him in the hospital's open space to take a break during his night shift.

"Here. Isn't it tiring in the PICU these days?" Ikjun replied with worried eyes.

"A little. I don't mind it though.

Yah, do you remember my liver transplant patient, Mina?"

"Yeah, the one where we had to cut the donor's liver to a quarter because it won't fit the tiny baby's body. What about her?"

"I went to her a while ago. She woke up, and winked at me like this!" Jeongwon lit up whenever he talks about his patients' recovery. His eyes sparkled and his smile widened. He repeated the wink so much that it could have been mistaken for a blink. In fact, he was so giddy that he didn't notice someone approaching.

"Professor Ikjun? The test results of patient Jiwon are out. Could you take a look at it?"

Jang Gyeoul, the third year resident of General Surgery has been standing there for a few moments, waiting for the two professors to actually notice.

While hiding his laugh, Ikjun followed suit. Jeongwon was left on the bench with an unwavering smile on his face.

Looking at him, one would think that his drink was too sweet to make him smile like that. Eavesdropping on their conversation would transform him into a humanitarian. But to delve into his thoughts --- now that, that's a different story.

It's nice to actually see an angel, once in a while. Just enough to keep me on my feet. I might be even enthralled by its eyes that don't wink but are enveloped with fascinating halo-like things. Even if this angel doesn't have wings, it has the most power to chase evil away. I wasn't sure if this angel could save me --- until it actually did.

------

"Yah, Ahn Jeongwon, are you sleeping here again?" Junwan said, while entering their shared office.

"O~ I just finished my night shift. I just lied down."

"Have you eaten?"

"I'll eat later."

"I also haven't eaten yet. Let's eat breakfast."

"Will you stop bugging me if I eat?" Junwan then pulled Jeongwon out of the cot, and dragged him to the packed cafeteria to fall in line.

------

"One iced latte, please. Oh, and a sandwich."

With the same baggy eyes and pale skin, Gyeoul was ordering her morning coffee. Just enough to keep her awake until she gets home.

"Annyeonghaseyo~" She greeted the two professors.

"De~" Jeongwon said, while Junwan nodded in response.

CODE BLUE --- CS. 3RD FLOOR. CODE BLUE --- CS. 3RD FLOOR.

Without a beat, Junwan, a Cardiothoracic Surgery Professor, left hurriedly. Jeongwon was then left alone. Gyeoul took her order and searched for a seat.

"One warm cup of hot latte and a pancake, please."

After getting his order, Jeongwon followed through and tried to find his way in the crowd. It was full of doctors and nurses waiting to start their morning shifts, so the noise was understandable.

"Professor! Here!" Gyeoul pointed to a newly vacant seat in front of her. The morning rush got the best of them that Jeongwon didn't think twice and made his way.

The crowd was boisterous. Jeongwon and Gyeoul's silence was awkward. It was not the kind of environment you'd want after a 12-hour shift.

But it was all worth it. At least for one of them.

"How was the Emergency Room last night?" Jeongwon blurted after taking a bite of his pancake.

"It's okay. There were a lot of unpredictable cases, most of which were tiring, as usual." Gyeoul's detailed answer was so calm. It seemed that the Professor's unexpected friendliness didn't bother her.

"Do you have someone to take you home?"

"What? No. I can go by myself." With a polite tone, Gyeoul showed her surprise with the question.

"I'll give you a ride home."

"No, you don't need to---"

"I insist. I still haven't bought you the meal you asked from me, anyway. Can a ride home suffice?"

Gyeoul was bewildered. But with the professor's kind nature, it seemed like something he would do for literally anyone. He wasn't called the "Buddha" for nothing, anyway.

-----

"It's that apartment on the right, Professor."

"This one?"

"Yes. Thank you for the ride."

"It's not a problem. The next time we catch ourselves on a rough patch, I can take you home again."

Gyeoul smiled. Her first that day. Then, she opened the door to get out.

"Oh, shit! I forgot!" The car stopped. Jeongwon's shock even surprised Gyeoul.

"Why, Professor? What happened?"

"I totally forgot about it. I was scheduled to get my car battery change the other week, then I forgot and was planning to do it today."

Sleeping in the cot that morning wasn't just to save time to rest up. He actually had long, overdue chores and was saving some energy to do them.

"Do you have a contact to a car battery seller?" Gyeoul asked.

"Yeah, I'll contact them now."

It was still early in the morning, around 6 o'clock. The service opened at 9 o'clock, so delivery wasn't possible after an hour or so.

Gyeoul stayed with him until things got settled. It was getting chilly, and the overwhelming fatigue got the best out of Jeongwon.

"Professor, you could rest a little in my place... if you like. You can sleep while waiting."

Jeongwon hesitated a bit, but decided to give in.

------

"I'll just get an extra pillow and some blankets." said Gyeoul, while Jeongwon helped in fixing the convertible sofa bed in her living room.

Once fixed, he sat and removed his shoes.

"You live alone?" he asked Gyeoul once she got back.

"Yes, for a while now." she replied as she handed him the pillow.

"Ah, I see."

"I'll just be in my room. You can call me if you need anything."

"Thank you... Also, I'm sorry for being so troublesome." His shy look gave him away.

"It's nothing, don't worry." Gyeoul smiled, and went into her room.

Jeongwon lied down. He couldn't believe what was happening --- and how the situation could naturally give a wrong impression. If he told Ikjun about this, he would make fun of him and joke about how he got things to escalate so quickly. Junwan would tap him on the back and commend him for finally picking up some tricks of his. Songhwa would be very much amused, and would romanticize the whole situation. Meanwhile, Seokhyeong would remind him that he's an OB-GYN Professor, and that he delivers babies very well. He would be of service to Jeongwon if ever he needed one.

His thoughts started to tone down, and after no time, he was asleep.

-------

"Professor?"

......

"Professor? I fixed some lunch. Do you want to eat?" Gyeoul wore an apron over some loose shirt and pajamas now, and sun was already high up.

Jeongwon looked at his wrist watch.

2:24 PM.

He quickly sat up.

"I'm sorry, did the service arrive? I must have been in a deep sleep."

"Yes, they arrived a few hours ago. I tried to wake you, but you were soundly asleep."

"I'm really sorry. You had to pay them, didn't you? I'll just pay you back."

"The receipts are there, over the table."

Jeongwon went to get them, and was distracted with the smell of food coming from the kitchen.

"Professor, I fixed some lunch for us, if you want to eat..."

He felt ashamed to take another offer, but hearing his stomach grumble made him look the other way, again.

Gyeoul was already fixing the table for two, while Jeongwon sat quietly and contemplated how much trouble he caused her all in a single day.

"I'm really sorry... I meant to wake up, seriously. I was just really tired from last night."

"It's okay." Gyeoul said with a chuckle. "I'm not holding anything against you, Professor." she added as she handed out his chopsticks.

"Thank you for the meal." he then said.

Everything was new to Ahn Jeongwon. He didn't need to wipe the table, or arrange the food, or even wear an apron. He didn't even need to worry if he was going to get enough food, as everything was already at his disposal. This new scenario keeps him gushing.

Being alone with a girl, in her apartment, eating her cooked food, and feeling something that only grown-ups alone in an enclosed space would feel. It wasn't like this was the first time something like this is happening, he often said to himself. It somehow eased his discomfort.

All while knowing the truth that this is in fact the first time.

But it's not like Jeongwon didn't have the opportunity and ability to; he just chose not to. His faith led him to a different path, and he was decisive to go this way. For the longest time, this weighed more than any choice he had to make in his life. But this time, something, or perhaps someone, was gonna tip the scale.

-----

"Yah! Jang Gyeoul! What's this?" Chu Minha screamed as Gyeoul entered the GS Department, in time for another night shift.

Someone left iced latte for her. With a double bacon sandwich. And some patches to ease pain. It came with a written note, saying:

"To my Good Samaritan. Thank you~

---- Ahn Jeongwon"

The handwriting made Gyeoul smile.

"Why did Pediatric Surgeon Prof. Ahn Jeongwon gave you coffee? And why are you smiling?"

"Nothing. It's just to repay a good deed."

"That's the most vague yet unsuspicious answer I've ever heard! Good deeds really cannot be questioned at all. I wish someone would also give me coffee." Minha wouldn't stop, but Gyeoul wasn't listening either.

She focused on the note. And the coffee. And the sandwich.

While remembering the long day with Ahn Jeongwon.

#hospitalplaylist #wintergarden #fanfiction #ahnjeongwon #janggyeoul #shinhyunbin #yooyeonseok

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emberdragon240 · 5 years ago

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BFDI Done In Hermitcraft: Chapter 1: The Plank P1

(This is also on Wattpad if that’s your thing)

"I know, she was so scared over nothing! The bee wasn't even that big, and False was freaking out!"

"Really, Iskall?"

"Really, and yet she calls herself a badass."

"She is in a way, do you remember when she asked Bdubs if she was beautiful?"

Flashback to a week ago

"Bdubs, am I beautiful?"

"Umm, sorry, but no-"

*proceeds to get yeeted to the sun*

End of flashback

"Right, I remember that, and I still hate her!" Bdubs jumped into Grian and Iskall's conversation about how False was a complete asshole. She was so rotten, even Joe hated her, and that was very unusual for him to think of people.

"I swear, I'm gonna get revenge on her! I am honsetly so glad you guys are my friends, really!" Even though they didn't really know eachother, (almost) everyone was friends on the Hermitcraft island.

"You're my friend too, right, Mumbo?" Bdubs said as he grabbed Mumbo and started squeezing him with no mercy.

"Bdubs, stop!" Grian and Iskall yelled before there was a sickening crunch and their communicators buzzed with a death message.

*MumboJumbo was suffocated*

"Sorry about that," Bdubs said, clearly embarrassed at what happened. Mumbo eventually respawned in one of those respawn generators, only to get almost killed by Jevin pointing a sword at his chest.

"Hey! I just respawned!" Mumbo said, exasperated.

"Hey, don't blame me! Blame the stupid Tango here, it's his fault!" Jevin said as he kicked Tango in the face, making him let go as he flew into the ocean.

"Fine! I'll grab Cleo instead," Tango said before grabbing Cleo out of nowhere and yeeting her to Mumbo, which was a very close dodge.

"Yikes!" Mumbo said. She was also conveniently holding a sword, so it was a pretty close call. "What was that for!?" Mumbo asked.

"What? I'm just in the mood to hurt someone," Tango replied. He then found Keralis, which he kicked with absolutely no mercy. Keralis screamed his ass off as he flew, conveniently passing by Wels. He then landed on the ground face first in shallow water where Stress was doing something.

"Keralis! What are you doing there? There's a life to enjoy, so enjoy it!" Stress said in her cheering state. Keralis had a liking for TFC for some reason, so went to him and starting acting all lovingly. A little bit too lovingly, because TFC kicked him into the air as well.

"TFC, calm down," Joe said with papa bear mode set to low. "Kicking him that hard can have permanent side effects. He IS light-weight," Joe lectured as Keralis continued flying in the air once again and as he flew past Wels, not much happened, why am I mentioning this? Anyways, he eventually fell because of the laws of physics, and he fell right onto Zedaph, and as he got up, he noticed... blood. I think you can guess what happened from there. The scream was so loud it could be heard all over the island.

"Keralis is such a scaredy-cat," Cub complained. "He's so annoying. Scar, though, you're cool," Cub said to his friend and partner-in-crime-I mean, partner-in-business.

"So are you, Cub!" Scar complimented back. Meanwhile, Wels was still flying before crashing into a mountain at low speeds, so he didn't take too much damage from the crash. The weird thing though, was that Zedaph was just sitting there as if he took a nap with his eyes open. Wels shouldn't have been surprised, though, since he always acted as if he was on LSD.

"Zedaph! Wake up!" Wels shook Zedaph awake.

"What? Hi, Wels!" Zedaph said as he was jolted awake. Wels sighed before yeeting Zedaph behind him (seriously, why are the hermits constantly yeeting each other around?). Zedaph flew along, all in a excitement that you only feel when you're high until he fell onto Joe, barely surviving.

"Oh, hi Joe, my good old friend!" Zedaph greeted Joe tiredly and before passing out from his injuries. Meanwhile, Doc and Ren were sitting near Impulse with an angry glare. They still couldn't get over the whole Area 77 thing, so here we are.

"Ren! You're an absolute idiot!" Doc yelled at Ren. He did not get the reaction he was expecting though, because Ren's response was to slap him.

"Hey!" Doc yelled, surprised.

"Oh my god, your face feels so good to slap!" Ren said. He was not acting like himself today. He then went on a slapping spree. He was about to continue when Xisuma caught him in the act.

"Doc! Ren! Stop fighting!" Xisuma yelled at the two. "And Impulse, take a bath, you stink," X commented at Impulse who was just watching.

"Sorry," Impulse said.

"Isn't X bossy?" Tango asked Cub, who were both watching the scene.

"I know! He's like a bossy bot!" Cub tried to make a joke, but all he got were stares from Scar, Tango and Wels.

"Uh, you know, a bossy robot?" Cub tried to explain the joke which only got more awkward stares.

"Um, here's the thing; a robot that was built to be at it's bossiest," Cub tried to explain further which didn't help one bit, but everyone got tired of staring at him and decided to stare at the now setting sun. "I'd do anything to get away from him," Cub said. "Or False, or Keralis, or Impulse," then conveniently and suspiciously in time, out of some mysterious smoke, some kind of... creature? Came out of the smoke

"Well then, you're in luck!" The thing said, and it was obvious it was female. It seemed to be some kind of dragon hybrid, Ender Dragon maybe? And had a crop top with decked out armor on the bottom. She also had some kid of belt with fabric that would cover her private if she didn't already have pants on.

"Uh, how?" Cub asked. The girl who seemed to be in her 20

"They're creating the server of paradise, everyone," She continued. "It's called Dream Island. It's one square mile (2.5 kilometers for all you people outside of the US) of luxury. It has a 5 star hotel, a casino, six restaurants, robot servants, and the server's whitelisted, so the winner gets to chose who's allowed in, and who's not!" She described trying to sound all excited too hard.

"Ok, what does it cost?" Cub asked. If he couldn't pay it entirely, he might borrow some of his best friend's diamonds because that's what friends do! /s

"Not even a penny," The woman responded.

"Sounds like a deal! Me and my friend'll take it!" Cub answered excitedly.

"But what about about the rest of the people here? Don't they want it too?" The mysterious being asked.

"Well, I wouldn't give up that server for anything," Cub answered.

"Everyone here's thinking the same thing," she responded. "So you know what that means. We must settle this with a reality TV show- I mean, a contest."

Cue the intro

"So yeah," the mysterious woman who still hasn't given her name yet said, "whoever stays on this plank the longest wins."

"Go."

"Let's help each other," Stress said. She wouldn't let this contest affect her! Or at least she hoped so.

"Yeah!" Jevin agreed.

"Tango, wake up! What are you doing?" Ren asked Tango, who was clearly asleep for some reason.

"Uh oh!" Impulse said as he slipped off the bar, to which no one noticed.

"Get out of my way!" False said as she was pushing people into the pool of water underneath the plank with her sword. "I need my space!"

"Help me, Jevin!" Stress said as she was falling and close to becoming another one of False's victims. Being made of slime was pretty convenient in this situation though, as he was able to stretch and easily save her from the cold, murky waters of failure.

"Thanks!" Stress said.

"Let's form an alliance!" Mumbo said to the Architect team who all agreed with him, but it unfortunately fell over unwanted ears, as Bdubs heard over from the other side of the plank and was interested now.

"Did I hear an alliance is being formed? I've gotta join!" Bdubs said as rushed over, pushing Scar off the plank on the way.

"Can I be part-" was all Bdubs was able to say before they were all falling into the ocean.

"No." was the only thing Iskall said before they all fell into the water and had Dream Island out of their reach. While all of this was happening, Ren was still trying to wake up Tango.

"Tango, wake up!" Ren said while shaking him before he accidentally put him down too close to the plank and he started to fall. "Oops," but just then, Tango woke up and walked back up on the plank, pushing Ren off in the process.

"Ren! Don't ever-" Tango said before he realized what he just did. "Whoops,"

Final 6!

"Look, there's the evil False," Stress said to Jevin as she pointed at False. "She's still in,"

"Let's run her over!" Jevin suggested to False.

"Yeah!" She said, excitedly. This was only a harmless joke, she was gonna apologize later!

"Uh oh," Tango thought out loud as they started trampling over. The plan didn't work, however, and the two got kicked into the air by False.

"Hey, we're flying!" Jevin realized.

"You're right! Woohoo!" Stress confirmed, completely forgetting that what comes up, must come down.

"Uh-oh," Jevin remembered as they almost fell off the plank with TFC, but Stress managed to get a grip.

"Pull up," Jevin commanded Stress.

"I... can't!" Stress realized, getting ready for their fate. "Oh no! Tango? Zedaph? Help!" Stress cried for help. Eventually, Tango stepped on her hand, preventing it from falling any further.

"What is it?!" Tango asked, annoyed.

"You're stepping on my hand." Stress mentioned as Tango got off her foot.

"There, better now?" Tango asked.

"Yes, now pull us up." Stress said, but as Tango tried to pull the three up, he fell over and only had his feet on the plank now, the only part that still had a chance of getting the invite to Dream Island.

"Hold onto my other arm, TFC," Stress told him, who complied. Then the hugest dick on the planet towered over them as she started laughing in that cartoon villain sort of way.

"Ha, ha! I'm wearing non-slip shoes, so boo-hoo you weirdos!" False mocked them in her usual annoying way when Tango came up with an idea and kicked her over with one of his feet, but False grabbed onto Jevin to his extreme dislike before he came up with the idea to... lick her?

"Aaah, AAAHHH!" False screamed as she instinctively pulled away, but she instantly realized was a big mistake when she starting falling, falling, and eventually into failure.

"Nice work, Jevin! A job well done!" Stress complimented Jevin's great idea.

"TFC, let's swing!" Jevin said as they swinged back onto the plank, completely forgetting about Tango and Stress.

"Jevin, alliance, remember?" Stress reminded Jevin, who pulled Stress back up onto the plank.

"Stress! You're stepping on me!" Tango said.

"What?" Stress said before Tango fell. "Oops,"

Final 4!

TFC was the first to think and the quickest, as he pushed the unsuspecting Zedaph into the water, who seemed to be having another acid trip. He pushed a little too far, though, as he also fell into the dark, cold water. Now it was just Jevin and Stress left in the battle.

"Rock, paper, scissors!" They said in coordination. Stress chose paper, while Jevin chose scissors.

"Scissors beats paper, so I get to push you off!" Jevin announced, which surprised Stress.

"Wait, what!? I never agreed to that!" Stress said.

"Ok, here's the thing: when I win, I'll invite you to Dream Island." Jevin said, trying to make a deal with Stress.

"This still isn't fair, Jevin," Stress confronted him.

"Only one of us can will, after all," Jevin said while holding up

his middle finger instead of his pointer.

"Jevin, wrong finger." Stress reminded him.

"Whoops," Jevin said with an awkward chuckle. "But my point still stands."

"And that's where you're wrong," the mysterious woman popped out from a cloud of smoke once again. "You two both win!"

"We both get the invite?" Jevin asked.

"Not quite, you two actually get to choose teams for a more longer, larger competition for the invite to Dream Island."

#hermitblr #hermitcraft #hermitcraft fanfic #bfdi #parody #writing

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hoopdiddies · 6 years ago

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I'm Not Over You // Ben Hardy x Reader (Part 7)

A/N: This is probably the longest I've written in this series. Again guys, thank you for the support, your comments and likes mean so much! My tag list is always open so feel free to ask. And on a slightly heavy note: the next chapter could be really angsty. Just a heads up right there uwu

Summary: You had always loved Ben ever since you two met in university and became the best of friends. That feeling went out like a candle flame when the two of you parted ways until he re-entered your life...but this time with someone who has already occupied his heart.

Warnings: Angst, slight drinking, slight swearing, (yeah the fluff is still present)

W/C: 5k-ish

Tags: @haendel-me-with-care

@mrsdoradominguez-barnes

@mickmoon

@lakef

@mrsmazzello

@valeriecarolinaw

@queen-turtle-boiii

Edited// I forgot to link the previous parts

Parts: 6 5 4 3 2 1

(Got the pic from Pinterest hhh-)

Storing the luggage bag you've purchased for a fair price in the spare room, you come across a small box of sundries tucked in one corner with cobwebs clinging to the sides. Your eyes light up with curiosity spiking within you, you pick it up and dust the webs off, blowing the particles away from the top. You squat on the floor and open the flaps, discovering small yet familiar items that had been lost in time– one of them being a sepia-toned polaroid of you and Ben posing dramatically with hilarious doodles drawn on your faces. You forgot about this, feeling a little guilty that you had hidden it away in a drafty box without remembering doing anything of the sort. You flip the picture over and spot a date and an unfinished sentence written in faded ink on the bottom left part. This was taken on Homecoming night.

'I'm not going-' it says, clearly discontinued next to the date. Silly to think that the picture somehow represents a puzzle piece torn away from its board.

You were bound to graduate the week after and barely a day after, not see each other for several years due to your career paths and post-college choices.

You pull on the hem of your shirt, clearing the picture of dust and any more impurities, finally fitting it into your back pocket to finally treasure it the way it was always meant to be treasured.

The door clicks as you bring it close, your eyes gluing themselves at the hardwood floor seconds to having self-pity billow over you at how quickly your tears surface in the corner of your eyes from the memory of Ben spinning Rosy around - the exact way he did with you -and kissing her like she's a pouch full of life.

You clamp down on your bottom lip, trying your hardest not to stain your cheeks with your pooling tears. "Jeez, you just-" you pace back and forth in frustration, balling your fists as you gesticulate lazily, "you just don't get it, Y/N! Ugh, you're so- fuck, just get over it..." Knowing your harsh soliloquy would be getting you nowhere, you snarl strongly at yourself and roughly wipe your tears away with the back of your hand.

"He loves Rosy. F-freaking deal with it!" The reminder takes a hiss from your quivering lips for it to sink in; you have your own place in his life– a place behind the line you'd drawn in the years prior. The friend zone couldn't be any more hollow and cold than it already is.

And a polaroid pic is the only remnant left of how inseparable you and Ben were in the early days.

At the same time you're feeling your heart tear itself apart, Ben pulls out a picture - similar to what you've found - from the inner pocket of his old varsity jacket in the middle of rummaging through his wardrobe. He leaves his room in his pajamas and tosses himself on the couch next to a sleeping Frankie, softly apologizing to the little beagle for disturbing her cat-like nap. As he cuddles Frankie close, he scrutinizes the picture and it's also from Homecoming, but in it both of you are beaming widely with your arms slung around one another– the doodles ever-so-present on your faces. Behind it, the date and the continuation of the trailed-off sentence written at the back of your share of the memory.

'-anywhere at all.'- it ends in Ben's part of the duality. He grins fondly at the long lost picture, feeling twice as guilty for not keeping it safe and...close to his heart, just as he had promised you that night.

- - - - - - - -

In the convenience of Lucy needing some company to shop with for awards season just as she had returned from her get-away with Rami, she drags you along happily, having to pass through you insisting that you stay at home and study but purposefully ending up under her mercy anyway. You couldn't say no to her, she's basically your sparkly, glam counterpart and you're in need of her life-altering sparkles as of now. Especially since you're going to be tagging along with them, mainly as Joe's date cause you know, you're his 'girlfriend' and all.

You're at the mall, in a stylish boutique full of lines of voguish clothing and shoes that could span miles if not compressed together. For once in the hours you've spent scampering around the mall with Lucy to hoard dresses, skin products and make up, you admit that this is the most aesthetically pleasing space in the entire building.

You traipse along a section with black dresses fashioned into different forms, silently praying that what you have with you will amount to at least one of the varying prices.

Lucy's on the opposite side, ogling at the most colorful section in the boutique for a piece to wear. She peers over at you to make sure you've chosen your 'fighter'. A few swishes of the dresses lined up and you do, holding it up high to evaluate the appropriateness.

It's a sleeveless, halter neck satin that's just a few inches above the knee. Utterly backless but it ends right up the small of your back. The fabric is stretchy enough to move around and breathe in as it simultaneously hugs your shape. You love it but gulp as you prepare yourself for the price. Flipping the tag over, you suddenly wish you could let out the biggest, girlish squeal the human race has ever heard with how surprisingly affordable it is.

"Finally picked out yours?" Lucy pokes her head up playfully and you nod, quite speechless but giddy. She makes a grabby hand at your dress to examine it for herself.

Well she's the fashion guru so why not? You hand her the dress and as she trails her eyes from top to bottom, her mouth falls at the simple yet elegant details. "This is perfect! I highly doubt that it's not going to catch every exposed eye present at the event."

Your flush profusely at her comment. "Thanks but I'll be bringing a coat with me."

That triggered her, but of course you're only teasing. "You better effing not." She warns you and you chuckle, taking the dress from her and evenly brushing the skirt.

"I won't, you can sleep soundly tonight."

You assure her of the possibility. As you exit the boutique with a few bags you're not used to holding, Lucy takes out her phone and gasps, her face contorting with a little disbelief. "Uh oh, this might ruin your mood." She hands you the phone and you gape at her confusingly before taking a quick look.

Ben's posted some updates on his wedding preparations, shockingly tagging you, Joe, Gwil and Lucy in one photo. He's pretty busy alright; unable to text or call you for days but miraculously tagging you out of nowhere.

You come to disregard it until you notice one minute but important detail hidden in plain sight in all of his posts– there isn't a single one with him and Rosy together alone. None of such as well on his new ones.

The only post he's had with a close girl is the one with you, which is at the very bottom of his Instagram feed. You won't admit it but it warms your heart a little. Actually, a whole lot despite wondering why there's none of him and his fiancee. You hand Lucy her phone back and tilt your head to one side, suddenly finding the eagerness to go on shopping. "Let's go."

The following week comes as a radial blur contrasted to the slightly moderate one you just woke up from; your manager phoning you up to take the earliest shift you've had in years at the expense of your allotted time to rest, the heavy workload and rush hours in the upcoming hours followed by the slowest progress of filing your travel documents and visa needed for your departure on the 26th. You've got tons of missed calls from your parents and Joe, who's requested for you to pack up early since you'll be leaving for LA with Lucy on the day of the awards but earlier.

Also noting that you still need to double check the costs for flying to LA and back, ruling out the one exclusive for your flight on the 26th.

For mere days you feel as if you could lose your sanity as your life spirals into madness with everything you're required to do– whether or not you're obliged to do it.

But they are effective distractions for that problem you are still very much preoccupied with. That's a matter noteworthy of later discussion. Amidst all the chaos happening, part of you wishes for Ben to reply to your messages or even talk to you in the slightest. You never bothered to call this week since he's tied up but the least he could do is let you know how he's doing, if he's thinking of you once in a thousand passing seconds.

You give up for a day waiting on him and drown yourself in work.

- - - - - - -

Securing your phone between your tilted head and your shoulder as you indulge in your talk with Joe through the line, you crouch and zip your luggage bag close. Your eyes fixating themselves on two, separate luggage bags for two, separate travels.

"Was that all of it?" Joe's disembodied voice asks. You spring up and take your phone between your fingers. "Pretty much. I better have a kick out of something by the time we touchdown tomorrow– it's my first visit to the US." You inform him, leaping into your bed and landing comfortably.

He chortles softly and ensures you. "I know and you can be sure to expect a good par- ow! Bad kitty!" His smooth transition to a yelp amuses you for split second.

"Are you alright? "

"No. I'm finally feline food to my kid." He refers to his pet cat that has taken a small nibble on his finger, in which Joe returns with a light ruffle to its fur. You can't help but giggle heartily at him.

"Anyway, I'm picking you and Lucy up from LAX tomorrow." He gives you that heads up and you bring your hand up to your forehead. "Where will we be staying?"

"I've booked a hotel earlier so you've got nothing to worry about the moment you land." A faint crunch can be heard from your end and you mind to ask Joe about it. "Are you- are you eating?"

To answer your question, he bites down on his food sloppily and guarantees you of what you heard. You smack your lips together as your eyes narrow in bewilderment.

"Does that answer your question?"

"Sometimes you make it easier for me to hit you with a pillow."

"Is that how you treat your boyfriend?" He taunts at you and cackles, his distorted voice bouncing off of the walls of your room. You sigh, defeated by the fact that this charade is still going on. It's silly and immature yet you and Joe somehow managed to stick to the act.

"Speaking of boyfriend though– would he be furious if I told him that I couldn't be there on his wedding day?" Since you're rested and got nothing else to distract you, you pop the question to Joe.

"Ben?"

You hum softly.

"There are two scenarios that we need to consider," on his end, Joe taps his finger on his lips as he thinks of said scenarios, "Best case scenario- he would get discouraged and slightly unmotivated, and obviously sad, but he'd still support you cause that's your dream."

You sit up and twirl the ends of your hair around your finger, swallowing. "And worst case scenario?"

Joe falls silent before exhaling harshly. "You'd crush his soul, heart, everything ranging from physical to spiritual and it would take a toll– and I mean a substantial toll on your friendship."

"Joe, don't make it sound like a prospect! "

"That is, " he adds strongly, "if he finds out that you had meant for him to be oblivious to it." And he's right. But you had a reason. You still do. Even if you do end up telling him and he supports you, you need a great deal of space to move on.

As long as he's committed to Rosy and you're in the sidelines still in love with him, it's just something toxic. You couldn't love anybody they way you do Ben and you feel like you'll never love someone like him ever again. Albeit how clueless he is sometimes and clumsy, you both had survived every storm and wave. So sticking around to witness him give his hand and heart to someone else is torture for you.

"I'm gonna be direct and say-" just as you begin talking, your phone shrills to another caller, cutting you off from Joe.

One look at the screen and your heart begins racing. Speak of the devil. You reserve an explanation for cutting off and answer Ben, clearing your throat. "You're late."

Ben's gruff chuckle welcomes you back. "I know, I'm so sorry. Busiest week I've had and the lady at Starbucks signed my cup like a snail."

"What are you doing tonight that requires coffee?"

"Call me dramatic- or do so, given that I'm an actor- but I just want to stargaze right now." You hear a light rustle coming from his end, like he's seated out on his lawn.

Silently giving him the 'oh really' look, you spread one side of the curtain to let some moon light in. "Ben, you're leaving early tomorrow."

He hums, seemingly enjoying himself. "But that's not an excuse to not enjoy the night." This boy can not get any cornier. You cast your gaze upon the moon, sighing profoundly. "How did the wedding planning go? Good?"

"Hm, yeah. Church wedding, big reception. Whole lot of booze binging planned out. And a killer bachelor party the day after the awards. " He jokes through the line and you tell him off in a playful chide. "Benjamin Jones, you better-"

"I won't. I won't." You sense his gentle smile from your end, checking the time and reluctantly coming to the decision to hit the hay since you'll be leaving early as well. As much as you want to recreate those late night conversations you once had with him, you can't.

"Hey?" You coo somehow.

"Yeah?"

"I gotta sleep. I have to meet Lucy at the airport at 5."

He gives out a throaty grunt as if he's pulling himself up. "Tragic. I'll see you in LA then, love."

Your lips curl up into the gentlest smile with the moonlight blessing it from the window. "You too. Tell yourself and the rest- especially Brian and Roger- that I'm gonna be rooting for you guys to get up on that stage."

"I will. Thanks for the motivation, Y/N. All the words coming from you just mean so much to me. To all of us." And in his voice, you can hear his utmost sincerity and fondness just highlighting his tone.

"Anytime. Now let me sleep, you bloke. "

"Haha, alright. Love you tons, love."

Shifting your eyes to the sky once more, you reply, allowing the words you're about to say to mean more.

"I love you too, Ben. Good night."

- - - - - - -

24th

You had promised Lucy you'd arrive 10 minutes earlier than her and you really didn't hold on to that promise. As soon as you arrive at the airport nearly bathing in sweat and deaf from the multiple rings Lucy has given you, you both take off to the waiting area with your heavy luggage where you spend an hour and a half waiting for your flight to board. Joe has sent two texts telling you that he's still in the middle of having coffee and it's a questionable action since he's 8 hours behind you and is expected to be asleep by now.

You reply with a simple, "See you there" before heeding to the call of your flight number from the speakers.

All the rushing and you haven't had a bite of breakfast yet. An eleven hour flight doesn't sound so bad, as long as you make sure you don't reel everytime you get up to use the bathroom and acquire jet lag the moment you land from a direct flight without any pit stops. The flight is long as you are awake but by the time you fall asleep in between hours, it shortens the duration. The pilot announcing your arrival wakes you and Lucy from the latest nap you've had on the plane. After gathering your luggage and answering a couple of phone calls on you way down the plane, the arrival area is where you spy Joe behind the red tapes, a scarf around his neck and an eager look plastered on his pale skin, just waiting for you and Lucy to step in. His eyes crinkle as he sees you both treading towards him with a handful of luggage. He greets you both with a tight hug and ushers you to his car, assisting with the transport of your things.

He's booked you in the hotel he's staying in to, of course, avoid some minor inconveniences especially since the awards start at 7 pm and you drastically need Lucy to help you prepare. Upon reaching the hotel, he leads the both of you up the second floor and into the hall for your rooms.

Apparently you and Lucy will be sharing which is the great and Joe will be staying in the room right across yours.

After giving yourselves a brief tour of the room, you settle in and unpack your essentials.

"Y/N, bring out your fighter!" Lucy declares with a giggle, pulling the dress she's chosen from her suitcase. It's a purple, off-the-shoulder, crepe satin and black velvet gown that cascades gracefully against the stable air.

Your eyes widen in awe at how it looks against the light. "No need for a match, Luce. You win," you raise your hands up in surrender, "that's- that's catching more eyes. From Rami of course."

"Oh shut it. You'll look smooth in black." She clicks her tongue and smoothens it at the edge of the bed. You whip out yours and hold it up high, wavering a little at how you'll look like in it tonight. How fortunate you were to find 3-inch, black pumps closeted when you were 'panic packing' the night before. You take it out from your suitcase and set it aside before striding towards the blinds, pulling it up and beholding the breathtaking view of Hollywood before you.

Your first visit to the US and you're already headed to the Oscars. This isn't the real life. This is just fantasy.

- - - - - - - -

"We're having a dinner party afterwards, I don't see any reason for two sandwiches before the ceremony." Staring blankly at how Joe's handling waiting for you and Lucy to emerge from your room, Rami purses his lips quizzically– he's come by to pick up his girl as well. The two men look dashingly handsome in their black tuxes and slick hairstyles– their individual charm strong as they highly anticipate for your appearances.

Joe swallows the chunk in his mouth before speaking. "I'm stressed."

"About what?"

He bites down on his last sandwich, dusting his hands off crumbs as he reasons out. "It's the Oscars. Biggest ceremony of the year."

With a shake of his head, Rami opens his mouth to protest but pauses as the creak of the door behind them butts in their conversation. Lucy - exquisite in her cascading satin gown and look dotted in light to moderate make up - emerges with her purse in hand and eyes heady on Rami.

Joe wishes he could loosen some hinges in Rami's jaw since the latter has got his mouth agape at her girlfriend's evening look. To him, she is his ultimate award and he wouldn't have it in any other way.

"Hey, babe." Lucy smiles delicately and kisses Rami's cheek, to which he responds with a breathless, "Luce, you look..." His starstruck silence finishing his compliment for her. Joe hums, agreeing with crossed arms. "I wish I was as pretty as you, Boynton."

"You boys look handsome, too." Lucy giggles softly and Joe begins to wonder. "Where's Y/N?"

"She'll be out in three...two..." As Lucy deliberately pauses her countdown, you come out of the room, head down as you feel a bit hesitant to continue but you regain your confidence and look up timidly– your appearance putting Joe in the same position Rami was just in with Lucy. The dress really agrees to your form, contouring every curve of your body in a semi-sensual way, guaranteeing that you'll be snagging some looks tonight. Your (H/C) hair frames your face intricately with your light make-up emphasizing the color of your eyes and lips. The light brush of air against the skin of your exposed back makes you clutch your purse tighter, deeming it uncomfortable.

Lucy smiles proudly at her work and that is you. "Well, how does she look Joe?"

Joe lets out a hitched exhale, hazel eyes wide as a sinkhole and a slacked jaw struggling to budge. "Like my girlfriend."

"You wish." You can't help but retort playfully and he brings his finger up to his lips, hushing you. Rami compliments you as well and you thank him as the four of you make your way to the elevator– your arm on Joe's and Lucy's on Rami's.

You've taken a limo for the sake of convenience, since Joe and Rami wanted to propose a pre-toast - with the champagne present in the vehicle - to their successes and hard work in the past year. You have faith they'd bring home an Oscar; considering how spectacular their work was portraying the members of Queen. You're also thrilled that you're about to meet Brian and Roger.

The limo parks just across Dolby Theatre and the four of you climb out, making your way arms-in-arms into the place crowded with paparazzi and attendees. You see yourself as a small fish swimming in a sea full of majestic dolphins. This is the big leagues right here and you're not even one bit of a celebrity– at least you feel like you aren't one. After a couple of shoulder brushes with either familiar and unfamiliar faces and escaping the blinding flashes of the cameras, the four of you reunite with Gwilym who has Roger and Brian present by his side. You are introduced to the two Queen members by Joe and you couldn't be any more happier to meet them in person. A couple of moments of interacting with the rest of the crew and cast, Ben joins the 'party' looking sharp and admittedly drop-dead gorgeous in his white tuxedo blazer and slicked back hair with Rosy by his side.

Before he could even reply to the greetings of his friends, he lays his eyes on you and for a while– his pupils dilate and his expression flits faster than he can command it to. He can't believe what or who he is seeing before him amidst all the glam. Letting go of Rosy's hand for a minute, he steps close to you, indescribably captivated. "Y/N...h-hey."

You keep your composure, musing back. "Hey. You look left out, outfit-wise, and a like a million bucks."

It takes him nearly five seconds to reply with the way hes has his eyes transfixed on you. It's like he's seeing you for the first time. Your evening look setting him back to Homecoming night and something inside him just tweaks. You avoid his mindless gaze and break the silence, trying your hardest not to flush. "Ben, please talk. It's just really-"

"You look...beautiful." He breathes out like he had just gotten up from under water.

#queen #borhap #ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy x reader #borhap cast #borhap cast x reader #borhap imagine #joe mazzello #ben hardy fanfic #imagine #fanfic

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

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James & Ava

James: I can't see you today Ava: Oh Ava: Well, that's a shame James: it is Ava: What are you up to? James: my dad wants me in the office Ava: Ahh, okay Ava: Well no worries, Monday then James: I won't let anything stop me Ava: I understand Ava: It's cool James: if I can find time to call you later, hearing your voice would make me feel better about a lot of things Ava: That'd be nice Ava: really nice James: missing you is the nicest cliche I think I've experienced James: for a long time Ava: I can't stop thinking about you Ava: so it's good to know you've thought about me too James: of course I have James: I am James: it's what's going to get me through today Ava: Oh James Ava: I'm going to talk to you all day, in my head James: I was going to take you to [insert a cute date location that wouldn't take very long to get to because he wouldn't have had long] so make sure you tell me what you think Ava: Would it be entirely too tragic for me to go alone and pretend you're with me? James: no more tragic than if I ask you to take enough pictures for me to be able to pretend that I'm there Ava: Of course Ava: I owe you for my picture of you 🥰 James: you don't owe me anything James: I'd give you so much more if I could Ava: Me too, I wish I could take pictures just for you Ava: Have to get old school and get a P.O. box James: or keep them on your phone & show me when you can Ava: That I can do James: but will you? Ava: If you tell me how much you want it James: the only thing I want more is to see you in person Ava: I really, really miss you Ava: It, I can feel it James: I'm really sorry, darling Ava: It's not your fault Ava: and it reminds me it's real James: It's my fault James: I could stand up to my dad & say I don't want to work there Ava: If it were that simple, you would've Ava: it's security for your family Ava: you can't just do it without a backup plan in place Ava: least of all for me James: I should have a backup plan James: it's bullshit that I don't Ava: You can make one Ava: you'll have a degree and experience now Ava: you can at least apply to other places with that, get out from under your dad, then think about what you want longterm after that James: Oh Ava Ava: You can, and you will Ava: You're like just finished with Uni now Ava: who knows what they're doing before then, you only have to front you do because children James: I want you to be right Ava: I am Ava: You're smart and driven and good James: how do you know? Ava: Because I said, you can't live like this forever Ava: and you won't Ava: what's the alternative? James: that actually she's right James: everything she says & thinks about me Ava: She's not Ava: She's not right about anything and she knows it Ava: that's why she has to go so hard James: you're right because you said I need you & I do Ava: I'm right because it's true Ava: you're worthy of good things, James James: I'm not a good person, Ava James: I'm barely a person at all Ava: But you are, James Ava: You're a person Ava: whether she wants that or not James: Jay can start boarding school in a year, I've already made that plan Ava: Is that what you want? James: it's what she needs Ava: Okay, so that's a start then James: I don't want to send her away but I don't want her to stay here Ava: Once you've sorted the rest, you can bring her back Ava: She's young, kids are so resilient James: It was so much easier when she was too young to understand what was being said or done Ava: Yeah Ava: I see that, with my family Ava: it's all okay until it needs to be explained Ava: because it can't be explained, or isn't James: exactly James: what words am I ever going to be able to find to make it okay? there aren't any Ava: Actions count Ava: and you love them Ava: that counts for so much James: will it count for enough? James: my actions certainly aren't good enough Ava: Almost definitely Ava: I can't say 100% but a good 99% James: you don't have to say anything James: I'm in my wet clothes today, that's all Ava: You don't have to excuse yourself, ever James: don't I? Ava: Not with me James: that wipes out well over half of my current vocabulary, just so you're aware James: it won't be an excuse that I'm speechless around you Ava: We'll work it out together Ava: I don't mind not talking for a while and just James: I'm going to be here until it's very late but if you can get away, I'll say I'm staying even later Ava: Yes Ava: I can make it happen Ava: People are here but I can get out James: me too then Ava: I don't care if it's five minutes Ava: well, I do Ava: but I'll take it James: I definitely do James: but it won't be James: the girls will be asleep before I'm done, I'm not rushing home for her Ava: Then rush to see me James: I promise James: I know you don't want me to, but I do Ava: As far as promises go Ava: that's a pretty good one Ava: they're like cliches James: I'll work through lunch for the possibility you'll be awake by the time I'm allowed to leave Ava: I can catnap if necessary James: oh, well now that's a mental picture I wish I had Ava: Sadly I can't take photos of myself sleeping Ava: and I don't think I can promise I'll waste any time with you napping Ava: 🤔 James: I'm so very conflicted James: what a dilemma James: but we'll be able to solve it when my dad decides I can be trusted on business trips Ava: 🤤🤤🤤 Ava: Please come through for me J I James: knowing him it'll take a while but I'll come through so he'll have no choice but to do the same Ava: All the faith Ava: and Monday when you come over you can have a preview of what to expect Ava: for motivation James: in order for you to keep it & for him to begin to harbour any, I should go James: but I feel very motivated at the thought, so thank you Ava: You've got this Ava: Later, love James: [let's skip then chicken, come at me drunkenly lol] Ava: You probably can't reply Ava: but I wish you were here James: [a dramatically long pause because imagine how extra weekends would be] James: but you're having fun? Ava: Hey ☺️ James: hi Ava: It's alright Ava: everyone's going a bit hard James: I'm sure your brother would happily throw them all out for you Ava: That may be Ava: but he is not invited James: that wouldn't stop him if he's still anything like I remember Ava: 2 kids and a wife might Ava: ha James: from being a protective older brother? I don't think so James: you either are or you're not Ava: yeah but my cousin is here Ava: so no need for the 'adult' supervision Ava: it's cool James: I'm happy to hear it James: there's no opportunity for me to drag Teddy home if he's there & he wouldn't thank me for it Ava: that's a bummer Ava: though I've already sacrificed him once tonight so rude of me James: to who? Ava: said cousin Ava: he isn't actually who I had in mind but you know Ava: be weird if I ❌ James: it sounds very romantic, I have no doubt he'll be thrilled Ava: Yeah it's like Paris in here tonight James: it's like Venice here, by which I mean flooded Ava: ??? James: 🛁 Ava: ahh Ava: awh Ava: 🐥🧼🧽💙 James: so yes, I'd say I wish you were here too, but I can't Ava: that's fair Ava: someone is in my bath alas James: theirs was meant to be hours ago so the chaos is somewhat relatable Ava: uh-oh Ava: I did think it was more like 💤🛌🌃 James: it's actually really far past that time too Ava: yeah Ava: you must be knackered James: if only I could join you in a drink Ava: There's still plenty 🍾🍾 Ava: I'll leave a full one out on the step Ava: for the milkman, like James: 😂 thank you, Ava Ava: my curtsy is so real James: that reminds me, I like your outfit Ava: 🥰 Ava: you're always nice Ava: are you wet? James: drenched, of course James: but actually not in the metaphorical sense Ava: Yay Ava: I'm happy James: are you smiling? Ava: cheeeeeese James: 📷 Ava: I'll take a real one for you Ava: but not right now James: [the longest pause ever like is he gone or what? but no he's just trying to sort the chaos out of course] James: later is an undeniably tempting prospect Ava: all dry Ava: what are you doing now Ava: a story James: well guessed James: would you like to pick it for us? Ava: You have to make one up Ava: a happy ending, naturally James: & there has to be a dog involved or Jay will be very angry indeed Ava: Frank! James: Oh right, I forgot you have one Ava: He's very angry indeed Ava: 😡 James: about the party? Ava: No Ava: about being forgotten Ava: he isn't actually here he's been dogknapped James: he'll forgive you Ava: me! James: yes Ava: you forgot him Ava: he's devastated James: you haven't taken enough selfies with him Ava: are you questioning my love James: I'm not but he could be, that's what I'm saying Ava: this is a sad story James: I'll do a re-write Ava: good idea Ava: he's on holiday James: working on his tan James: you two are very competitive about it Ava: well we've gotta be summer ready Ava: his diet is going awfully though James: he's lucky he doesn't need to go on one James: it was purely hypothetical Ava: he likes baked beans with the lil sausages in James: what do you like? I can't picture him happily sharing Ava: 🤔 Ava: that's a big question Ava: chinese food James: [when you know he's gonna send her some tomorrow for the hangover bye] James: can you use chopsticks? Ava: yes Ava: v dexterous Ava: shame that's not a sexy skill Ava: like cherry stems James: it could be James: you doing it Ava: 🥢 grab your tongue with that boy Ava: 🤭 James: it could work to shut me up James: but it's only making me laugh right now Ava: I like when you talk Ava: and laugh James: I used to be able to do that cherry stem party trick Ava: you'll have to show me Ava: we'll get some, see if you can do it James: It's been years, I probably can't Ava: you don't lose skills like that James: it's not a real skill, it's a boast Ava: yeah Ava: an implication of other skills, I know James: we all tried it out to mock the girls over how 'easy' it was but only a few of us could do it actually Ava: wink wink nudge nudge is how boys do Ava: 'course Ava: don't always have to back up a boast James: especially when it's one you made in another life Ava: nah Ava: i'll judge you and be so disappointed James: Ava! that's outrageous Ava: that's me James: you're supposed to not even be hypothetically disappointed by me Ava: I'm also not meant to lie to you James: okay, I'm backed into a corner, now what? Ava: what I would do to you if I had you in a dark corner right now is not suitable bedtime story-telling Ava: unless you wanna be up all night James: some stories demand to be told regardless James: & I wouldn't be upset about being kept up for as long as this one takes to be told Ava: You're the storyteller Ava: I'm a journalist, I like to report what happens James: [writes her a very sexy essay right here and right now about the life they should be living in the dark corner, like soz Jimothy you've been usurped as the writer & poet in residence] James: well then, you can tell me what's happening to you Ava: I don't know if I can describe that Ava: how you make me feel Ava: like you're here Ava: the only person here James: I think you've described it perfectly Ava: you are perfect James: no Ava: yes James: Ava Ava: James James: you're not meant to lie to me Ava: I'm not James: it's not true, it can't be Ava: opinion can't be wrong Ava: you can say i'm not well-informed if you wanna Ava: but i'll still think it James: I'm not at your party, I won't ever be able to be there Ava: you don't have to be at my party James: but you wish I was James: that's compromise, it can't be perfection Ava: only 'cos I'd rather be with you Ava: because you're so perfect James: if I don't give you what you want, I'm not perfect Ava: i want you Ava: as you Ava: i can miss you and i can wait Ava: i don't need anything else from you James: I don't know who I am Ava: i see who you are Ava: who you could be James: but I could become someone else James: like my dad wants James: like my wife wants Ava: you can't change who you are Ava: even when you try really hard James: you can lose who you are though James: & I have Ava: I'm telling you, I can see you Ava: even if you can't James: when you stop looking at me, it's going to be really hard Ava: I'll only stop if you tell me to Ava: no other reason James: if I tell you to it'll only be because I have to James: for your own sake Ava: you don't have to worry about me James: it's not the 1st time I've done this or had to stop doing it James: I know I have to worry about you Ava: i don't think i'm special Ava: but i know you like me too James: I think you're very special Ava: but i don't care if you can't be with me Ava: well, i do Ava: but i mean i'll be your friend no matter what Ava: you need me and no one can stop me Ava: not your wife or my brother or anyone James: the problem isn't who my wife is or who your brother is, the problem is that I don't care James: that's dangerous Ava: i said i wouldn't cause trouble Ava: and i won't let you get into any either Ava: not 'til you're ready to face it James: I've never met anyone like you before James: it's the most ridiculous cliche Ava: i know Ava: and I've never felt like this before Ava: so there we go two for two James: it's none of my business & you're under no obligation to answer me, but is that because you've not dated a lot of people before or in spite of everyone that you have dated? Ava: you're so cute Ava: I've dated plenty of people Ava: I liked a lot of them, some of them I thought I loved but then it was easy to be friends with them so I don't know, I think it was just that Ava: this is different, whatever it is and whatever they were James: understood Ava: did you date much James: I wasn't looking for that when I was in school & I'm not allowed to seek it out now James: I had a lot of sex before I got married & after but it's far from the same thing Ava: sure Ava: you weren't getting to know them as well as Ava: that's how lots of people operate James: I didn't intend to get to know you, Ava James: I don't know how it happened Ava: I'm not going to apologize for it James: please don't Ava: can i ask you something though James: of course Ava: did you just wanna sleep with me 'cos you thought i was cute or was it anything to do with who my brother is James: why would it be anything to do with him? Ava: i don't know Ava: 'cept i know him and i know there's history there James: I don't hold any grudges against him, we were all liars & fakes then James: all I cared about was my expensive drug habit & sleeping with as many girls as possible Ava: okay, i just had to ask Ava: things can be confusing enough without worrying about shit that ain't even real James: there's history for you too, it's not about any of that, is it? Ava: no Ava: it isn't James: my wife & your sister have so much history James: honestly more than me & her have Ava: i know Ava: but i'm not gonna exact revenge on her behalf via you James: I doubt she'd want that, she's not Chloé James: I don't believe there's anyone capable of holding onto something for as long & as tightly as she can Ava: I don't know Ava: I'm sure her therapist would tell her grudges are pointless but I don't reckon she can live that truth James: at least she has a therapist Ava: hooray for her James: I should probably get one, instead of talking to you like you are Ava: its what you should do Ava: talk to people Ava: work it out together Ava: nancy can't talk to anyone James: all my adult conversations are carefully overseen & orchestrated, it's only her laziness and the inescapable necessity of my parenting that has stopped the way I talk to my children from being put under the same restrictions James: what she did to Nancy was James: & that's only what I can remember Ava: its fucked James: it's already started with Jay James: if I can't find a way to stop it Ava: you have to James: I know Ava: you know its abuse don't you James: It doesn't matter what I know if nobody else knows it James: believes it Ava: how can they not, everyone knows what a total insane bitch she is Ava: sorry James: you don't need to apologise for telling the truth Ava: i'm not trying to make getting out sound easy though when it so clearly isn't James: it wouldn't be that hard for me to get out Ava: with the kids, or access to, though James: she says Jay's not mine whenever I criticise anything she says or does regarding her James: maybe she isn't James: her sex life was as active & varied as mine was Ava: wait Ava: what James: it's what she says if my bags are packed & nothing else has worked James: because I'd never see her again if she's not biologically my daughter James: but she can't say it about Matty, the dates line up too well Ava: are you on Jay's birth certificate? James: yes Ava: then you either are, and you have rights, or she knowingly lied on an official document but also, gave you full parental rights in the process Ava: if she really is lying then she has to incriminate herself and there's more than a case in your favour James: I don't know Ava: she got you to marry her under false pretenses, she stole years of your life James: it'll just be more of her bullshit James: of course she's my kid Ava: she'd do that? Ava: jesus James: she'll say & do anything to stop me from leaving James: in other circumstances it'd be flattering Ava: does she love you James: does it sound like love? Ava: no think she loves you then James: she thinks she's come this far James: not many of my friends would have agreed to marry her if they'd been put in the same situation James: if any, from the ones I had at the time Ava: i just wanna know what she gets from it Ava: she doesn't work or go to school, right? Ava: you seem to do most of the parenting James: isn't that the answer then? she gets a lifestyle that started out easy financially thanks to my parents & has been made easy by me in every other aspect James: I told you, it's my fault Ava: okay, granted but like she's happy to settle for not being crazy in love, just tolerating her kids and having no ambition of her own? at 22, 23? its not as if her parents would let her starve, Christ.. it'd be sad if she weren't evil and happy to take down you and the kids with her James: as I also told you, I've given up trying to figure her out Ava: sorry James: no, I am James: you don't need to worry about this Ava: yeah i do James: no James: you're a 17 year old at a party, Ava James: you shouldn't be worrying about anything Ava: don't patronize me James: that's not how I mean it James: I like you & she'll take you down too if you aren't careful James: I don't want that Ava: no she won't James: if you think that we shouldn't do this Ava: do what James: see each other as much as we are Ava: why not Ava: because i'm not duly afraid of chloe James: because you don't understand the risks Ava: again, don't patronize me James: do you want to end up like your sister? Ava: that won't happen James: it could happen James: & I'm not worth it Ava: it won't Ava: if you don't want to see me then that's your choice Ava: i think you're making a mistake but you're entitled James: I do want to see you James: I so badly want to Ava: then don't put a stop to us James: just please be careful Ava: I'm not afraid to like you James: Ava Ava: I'm just not, okay Ava: and even if i were, i couldn't stop myself and i won't so there James: you're really gonna age me horrifically, aren't you? James: 👴 Ava: well i do only like you 'cos you're older, obviously James: well, the back cover of the book can be all my worry lines Ava: 😂 Ava: sexy James: I can't make everything I do sexy like you do, darling Ava: don't joke i'm trying so hard to seduce you here 😏 James: I'm not joking James: you are & everything you do is Ava: Monday needs to be here now James: will you dance with me when it is, because we can't now Ava: only if you hold me really close and even tighter James: that I can do Ava: come on Ava: say you will James: of course I will Ava: James James: yes? Ava: I wish I could call you James: I'll go outside to smoke, wait a minute Ava: me too Ava: can't hear myself in here James: [another dramatic pause] James: okay Ava: the perks of being one of the only smokers Ava: and its warm out still Ava: i love summer James: it's a bad habit, but I've had worse James: & I still like winter the most somehow Ava: sorry it looks sexy and I've got a rep to maintain Ava: when were you born are you a winter baby James: January Ava: knew it Ava: awh its not your birthday for ages James: & you only like me because I'm older, I remember James: you must be truly devastated Ava: mhmm Ava: hurry up and hit 30 so we can really make it a moment James: you'll have me looking 30 soon enough James: all these smoke breaks Ava: not if you get to talking please and thank you James: you're supposed to be calling me James: as you wished it Ava: oh Ava: wanna facetime Ava: assuming 🥴 this is not my face James: you could still 'make a moment' I'm sure James: & I probably look better blurry Ava: shut up Ava: you're beautiful James: so you don't want to talk to me, you want to look at me? James: understood Ava: I wanna listen to you talk Ava: [ring him bitch] James: [telling her a story of everything he wants to do on Monday & it's hot & cute & funny & a mood] Ava: you're so so lovely Ava: stick around please James: you're quite drunk Ava: if I was drunk I'd say lots more James: you are so you can James: I'm listening Ava: no Ava: 🙈 James: you're not afraid of my scary wife but you're afraid of me? Ava: no Ava: but I'm scared of feeling crazy, being Ava: a little madness is key but James: I don't think genuinely crazy people are that self-aware typically Ava: maybe James: You're not crazy, Ava Ava: thank you Ava: probably not curtsy worthy but still James: you've devastated me, but I'll hide it expertly Ava: 😞 nooooooo James: I'll dedicate a suitable amount of book pages to it James: but otherwise, be utterly unaffected Ava: as long as that's the only conflict you're planning Ava: know it propels plot but I'll be very sad James: you'll get your happy ending, that means more to me Ava: you too James: that'll require a very long re-write Ava: maybe Ava: the middle can be shit though Ava: think that's writing 101 James: 😂 Ava: come on Ava: reluctant hero is a great trope James: I'm more of an anti-hero James: it's less about reluctance & more that I lack the necessity attributes, like courage or a trustworthy nature Ava: there's plenty different ways to be a hero Ava: there's plenty different ways to be heroes Ava: it isn't all capes and a misplaced sense of authority and vigilante justice James: I'm aware of that, but isn't the advice to write what you know? I'm hardly surrounded by viable examples James: you can't play every role, darling Ava: or write for the life you wanna have, the person you wanna be Ava: usually advice reserved for making you buy shit suits but I think it applies James: that explains why I've never heard it, in that case Ava: 😏 you were born in a tailored three-piece right James: if my parents were authoring the story, absolutely Ava: as much as parents love me Ava: probably not result in my happy ending James: or mine Ava: no Ava: we'll save that meet-cute James: thank you James: though it's unlikely I'll curtsy either Ava: shame James: I can add it to Monday's to-do list if your heart is set Ava: Your Monday sounds very busy as is Ava: I wanna help you relax and feel good not run yourself into the ground with curtsies etc James: you're sweet Ava: come taste me James: your party guests are bound to notice me Ava: I know Ava: I'd make them all leave if you could though Ava: but you can't James: no, I can't Ava: it's not long to wait Ava: just feels it James: it'll go faster for you, half of it spent in bed Ava: ha Ava: actually will have to entertain children too, worst of all my brother Ava: he's as annoying as he is protective etc and will definitely make me spend time with him before he leaves so we can have Monday James: it's a shame a playdate is out of the question Ava: even if I stole his Ava: can imagine your wife's joy to bump into us at the park James: she'll be far too busy shopping or having brunch with her friends Ava: then tell me it's still not feasible before I think it actually is James: it's a bad idea James: isn't it? Ava: it must be Ava: it's too good James: your brother wants to see you, he'd probably invite himself anyway, right? Ava: Probably Ava: but what if I show up really early and annoy him all day Ava: hype the kids up too James: 😈 Ava: there is one problem James: is there? Ava: my cousin will probably wanna come Ava: idk how I'm telling her no James: you said you'd already sacrificed my brother to her once James: how did that go? Ava: I've not been 👀 on 'em Ava: but I see 😈 what you're saying James: if get Jay to insist that he brings himself & a jumper for goalposts, he might Ava: oh Ava: no we can't James: you don't think it'll work? Ava: I told her some stuff Ava: not about you specifically Ava: but she can't meet you, obviously, she's not daft James: why would you do that, Ava? Ava: I didn't tell her anything James: that's obviously not true Ava: well she has no idea who you are James: you can't tell anyone about us James: I shouldn't even have to be saying that Ava: I haven't Ava: I told her about a boy Ava: I'm sorry but it's not going to affect anything Ava: she's not from here, she's not gonna say anything and she's got nothing to say anyway James: if you've told her enough that she could figure out who I am from seeing me at the park, you've told her too much Ava: I'm saying if your brother is there, it's just obvious Ava: I'm trying to be careful James: it doesn't matter, I'll see you Monday as previously arranged Ava: Well it does Ava: I'm sorry Ava: I'm just saying I don't think I can pretend you're just Teddy's brother, there's no point James: I agree Ava: I can tell her it fizzled out soon okay James: like you said, it won't affect anything Ava: you're still angry James: it's a frustrating situation Ava: yes James: I'm not angry at you James: I shouldn't have done this Ava: Be angry at me Ava: it was stupid but I'm not Ava: I won't tell anyone anything James: I know you're not, how smart you are is one of the 1st things I noticed James: but I obviously need to be smarter Ava: You don't want to do this James: I think we should slow down, you won't have to lie to your cousin & I won't get so carried away Ava: okay James: it's for the best Ava: alright, so what does that look like James: I don't know Ava: just let me know then James: I'll call you Ava: 👍 James: okay Ava: later then

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smutnug · 6 years ago

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What Stays and What Fades Away

My first chapter with the amazing @wardsarefunctioning as beta! A thousand thousand thank yous.

Contains awkward flirting and Drunk!Hawke.

Chapter 27: Juliet

It had been a week since Tanner's abrupt departure, and Juliet still felt ill when she thought about the way things had ended. She chafed to be away in Crestwood, where Hawke was doubtless already waiting for them.

But the Inquisition had become a large organisation, and large organisations seldom moved quickly. While Hawke could travel alone and in relative anonymity, Juliet's expeditions must be scouted, provisioned and planned to the smallest detail. So instead she was stuck here in Skyhold, surrounded by a thousand small reminders of her indiscretion.

She sat at a table in the hall poring over a pile of documents that never seemed to get smaller: requisitions, reports, requests for the Inquisition's help from all over Southern Thedas. Scout Harding was already on the way to Crestwood, but she had left Juliet a map and pages covered in her small, neat handwriting: the location of the village and fort, a brief history of the place and its flooding during the blight, even a few credible rift sightings. A potential logging site? That would help in rebuilding -

"Inquisitor?" The messenger gave a quick salute and handed her a roll of paper. "Plans for the mage tower, milady."

The mage tower. She waited until the man was gone before letting out a groan, burying her head in her hands.

"Pining for your soldier, Freckles?"

Juliet spun in her chair to glare at Varric.

"Firstly," she said, "I'm not bloody pining . Secondly, can we pretend just for a minute that I have some kind of private life?"

The dwarf threw up his hands. "Sorry, Inquisitor," he said, hopping up into the seat next to her. "You're one of the most important figures in Thedas right now. Definitely the most important in Skyhold. Your inner circle has at least three spies, and a mind-reading spirit boy." He patted her on the back. "Keeping secrets is hard."

She stared at him a moment longer, her lips pursed. "Thirdly -"

"I'll change your names."

"Do not -"

"And titles."

"Put this -"

"And location."

"In a book," she finished. "Or I'll throw you to Cassandra."

"Oh, come on Freckles! It's got everything: deception, mistaken identity, star-crossed lovers…"

"I think you're reading a little more into it than actually happened."

"Of course I am. I'm a writer."

Conceding defeat, Juliet looked back to the documents spread out in front of her; the lines on the vellum seemed to blur and dance, Harding's meticulous text reduced to gibberish. She blinked hard, twice, but her eyes refused to cooperate.

"Why not take a break?" Varric asked and added, too casually, "Take a walk in the garden."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Why the garden, Varric?"

"Why so suspicious, Freckles?" He grinned, hazel eyes glinting with mischief. "It's a beautiful day. The fresh air will do you good. See how your herbs are growing!"

"I need to plan this…" she protested weakly.

"Do you trust yourself to make good plans right now?"

"Fine." She bundled up the documents, shoving them unceremoniously into a nugskin folder. "I'll go to the garden." In response to Varric's waggling eyebrows, she snapped, "but only because I've got no bloody place better to be."

With a smirk he propped his feet up on the table. "Enjoy the scenery, Inquisitor."

"Thin ice, Tethras," she shot back over her shoulder.

It was close to midday, and she had to admit that the sunlight on her face and the smell of freshly-turned soil did much to clear her head. The air was fragrant with blooming herbs, all of which somehow seemed to thrive here despite the varying climates from which they had been plucked. She wished she could put down roots so easily.

Male laughter caught her attention; the voice was familiar, if not the sound. Beneath the gazebo a small table and two chairs were set up. Dorian faced the Commander over a chess board, hexagonal in the Northern style. The two men were too engrossed in the game to notice her approach and she took a moment to appreciate Cullen's relaxed posture, his easy demeanour as he rolled his eyes in response to Dorian's gentle ribbing.

"Why do I even…" He finally saw her and broke off mid-sentence, half rising out of his chair. "Inquisitor."

Dorian flashed a charming smile in her direction before turning his attention back to Cullen. "Leaving, are you?" The mage's voice, much like his skin, was smooth as honey. "Does this mean I win?"

It was jarring to see the Commander so comfortable in the presence of Dorian, of all people. Despite his wit and charm, or perhaps because of it, he didn't always rub people the right way. Plus he was a Tevinter, and an unapologetic mage. Was there some other reason than magic, then, for Cullen's reticence with her?

Wary of spoiling the mood, she motioned Cullen to sit and tried to match Dorian's light tone. "Are you two playing nice?"

"I'm always nice," Dorian lied without skipping a beat. He put his tower down with a decisive thunk and crossed his arms; impressively muscled for a mage, Juliet could never help but notice. If he'd been differently inclined, she was sure she could have put those muscles to good use. "You need to come to terms with my inevitable victory," he declared to Cullen. "You'll feel much better."

"Really?" Cullen pounced, shifting his tower from a black square to a white. "Because I just won," he said with a low chuckle, "and I feel fine."

Dorian raised one perfect eyebrow and smiled, impeccably gracious in defeat. "Don't get smug." He rose from his chair with the fluidity of a cat. "There will be no living with you."

Juliet shifted to let him pass and as she did so, his silken voice reached her in a pitch too low for Cullen to catch.

"He's all yours, Inquisitor," he purred. "You lucky thing."

She felt her ears burn crimson, unfortunately catching Cullen's eye at the same time. Embarrassment painted a foolish smile across her face and the Commander looked at her with some confusion.

"I should return to my duties as well…" he said, adding hesitantly, "unless you would care for a game?"

Me? she nearly said. Did everyone else in Thedas die and nobody told me? Then she remembered the hand that had lingered on hers a moment too long after he helped her onto her horse, and a heat swept through her that had nothing at all to do with embarrassment.

She maintained her composure enough to give him a tight smile. "Prepare the board, Commander."

Oblivious to the fire that raged inside the woman opposite him, Cullen was conversational as he laid out the carved pieces. "As a child, I played this with my sister. She would get this stuck-up grin whenever she won, which was all the time." He glanced up at her, a rarely seen flash of mischief in his eyes. "My brother and I practiced together for weeks…the look on her facethe day I finally won…"

Juliet caught a glimpse of the boy he had been in his smirk, before a little frown marred his features.

"Between serving the templars and the inquisition, I haven't seen them in years," he said regretfully. "I wonder if she still plays."

It was easy to forget that Templars, too, could become separated from their families. She doubted Michael had ever recounted such fond memories of her. But she felt a pang when she thought of Lavinia, and of Alec, whose child must have been born by now.

"You have siblings?"

He seemed surprised by her enthusiasm. "Two sisters, and a brother."

"We're the same!" Juliet paused. "I mean, my family. Two boys, and two girls." She shifted, nudging Cullen's foot beneath the table. It went unacknowledged by both of them as they adjusted their postures, but she was aware now of his proximity; she could swear she felt the heat of his knee close to her own.

"Really?" Leaning forward on his elbows, he graced her with a warm smile. "Michael I know, but…"

Juliet couldn't suppress an eye roll at the mention of her Templar brother. "Alec is the eldest. He's…well, he's unlike Michael. And Lavinia is between Michael and I in age. Terribly frivolous and always has her foot in her mouth, but she means well." Unexpected tears sprang to her eyes as she thought of them; on waking in Haven to the news that she'd been publicly disowned, she hadn't dared to contact them. "Tell me about yours," she said with forced cheerfulness.

"Mia," he replied with a smile, "is the one I told you of. Branson is my brother, and the youngest is Rosalie."

She wished suddenly, fiercely, that she might some day meet them. "Where are they now?"

"They moved to South Reach after the Blight…" A flash of pain reached Cullen's amber eyes. "I do not write to them as often as I should." Staring at the board, his gaze seemed to come back into focus. "Ah, it's my turn."

"Alright," she said with a grin, "let's see what you've got."

He paused, looking at her for the longest time before shaking his head. Leaning in to make his move, he said softly, "You always seem as if you're laughing at a joke nobody else understands."

"I thought everybody understood," she said lightly. "I'm the joke."

"No." His stare, however glancing, pierced her to the core. "You are far from a joke. You're the reason we are all here."

"And who am I?" she countered. "Someone else would have led. Hawke, if Cassandra could have found her."

"Hawke." His wry smile made a mockery of the idea.

"Nobody should take themselves too seriously." Pondering a moment, she moved a pawn into the path of his mage. "The more power you have, the lessseriously you should take yourself."

Cullen's gaze raked her. Surely, she thought, he must sense the shifting restlessness his mere proximity woke in her. Finally he shook his head. "Are you sure that doesn't do a disservice to those who choose to follow you?"

"The opposite." She countered his move. "Power without humility lead to tyranny."

For a moment he looked startled. Then he laughed, shaking his head. "Of all people, I should know that."

"So you and Dorian…" she began tentatively.

"Dorian and I…?" Cullen's eyebrows shot up. "I assure you, there's nothing of that sort -"

"Oh no, I just meant…you seemed to be getting along so well! It's not a friendship I would have expected."

"I ran into him in the library. Varric asked me to find a book for him." At her quizzical look, he chuckled. "I think he's trying to avoid Cassandra."

"I can't say I've ever seen Cassandra in the library."

"No point in taking chances, were his words. Anyway, Dorian…" Considering his next move, he twirled a stone piece in his fingers. Such long, clever fingers…he caught her eyes suddenly and she shut her mouth with a painfully audible snap . "He just seems lost, you know. He's a long way from home."

"Don't let him think you pity him," Juliet advised. "He won't thank you for it."

"It's not pity," he said, surprised. "Sympathy, yes, but I do enjoy his company." He caught her look of puzzlement. "Is that so unusual?"

"Only," she floundered, searching about for the right words, "because of, you know, what he is."

"What he is?" Cullen's voice held faint disapproval. "I'm not sure I take your meaning."

Oh, Maker, now she'd offended him. "Only that I thought it might make you feel uncomfortable. Threatened, even."

"Threatened?" Cullen sat back in his chair, arms folded as he studied her face. "Why should I feel threatened?"

Could we build a lesser amulet? she thought desperately.One that would take me back to before this line of conversation began. "You wouldn't be the only one. I know several people are concerned with his presence…" Biting her lip, she trailed off as Cullen drummed his fingers on the chair arm with evident annoyance.

"I know that some people harbour foolish prejudices," he began, "but I certainly didn't think you would be amongst them, Inquisitor."

"Me?" she answered indignantly. "Why in Thedas would I be prejudiced against Dorian? I'm the same as he is!"

Cullen gaped. "You are?"

She couldn't understand his reaction; this was by no means new information for the Commander. "Well, yes. I mean I'm not from Tevinter, but essentially…"

They realised their mistake at the same time. Juliet groaned, covering her face; Cullen rubbed the back of his neck as he grinned sheepishly. "You meant…"

"Yes. And you thought…"

"I did." His grin slipped. "But you're wrong to think Dorian's magic should make me uncomfortable. I mean, you're a mage and I'm not uncomfortable with you."

"You're not?"

She must have sounded a touch too incredulous, because Cullen looked at her sharply. Then he smiled, staring down at his hands. "I don't know if you've noticed, Inquisitor, but I can be somewhat…awkward…at times."

"No," she answered, laughing. "Really? It had completely escaped my notice."

"If I seem that way around you, please know that it's not because of the fact that you're a mage. It's because, well…"

Juliet's mouth went dry. "Yes?"

"It's just the way I am," he finished quickly.

Hope gave way to sharp disappointment. Surprised by the intensity of her reaction, she hid her feelings in contemplating the next move. "Your turn," she said finally. His pawn joined the small crowd of pieces on the tabletop.

He studied the board, frowning. "You're no stranger to this game."

"My mentor in the Circle, Lydia," she swallowed hard at the memory, "didn't believe in idle hands. Or minds. When the study of magic didn't take up our time she had us learn history, geography, strategy, mathematics…" An opening became apparent and she swiftly dispatched one of his mages. "Chess."

At the mention of her Circle, Cullen's expression became shuttered. "It seems that was time well spent," he said stiffly. "I wish…" He shook his head, apparently clearing some stray thought. "Your move, Inquisitor."

Always Inquisitor. What was it about him - or about her - that drove her to keep needling him? He was too proper, too authoritative. It made her keep trying to crack open that facade of stiff professionalism, even if she felt like a bird hopelessly battering its wings against a window pane. It made her blurt out, even as her rational mind told her it was a terrible idea, "So…tell me about you and Hawke."

Cullen's smile vanished. "How do you…? Never mind," he said, somewhat curtly. "I would rather not." With exaggerated carefulness he finished his move, putting his knight down with the barest tap of stone on stone. Without meeting her eyes, he elaborated, "It was a mistake."

"Oh." A mistake. Her chest suddenly tight, she attempted what she hoped was a smile. "You have regrets?"

Cullen's answering smile was more of a grimace. "I regret the entire thing. Now, really…I'd prefer if we moved on."

"I'm sorry," she said with forced cheerfulness. "It seems my sister's not the only one capable of putting her foot in it." She saw the opportunity to take his queen, and considered letting it pass; then, with an apologetic smile and a half-shrug, she toppled the piece with her mage.

"There," Cullen said. "That's Mia's look."

Juliet laughed. "I wasn't aiming for stuck-up, but I suppose I've earned the right to gloat a little."

"It's not over yet," he countered. Thoughtful, he glanced at her through sandy eyelashes. "This may be the longest we've gone without discussing the Inquisition - or related matters. To be honest, I appreciate the distraction."

"I aim to please." Impulsively, she added, "We should spend more time together."

Another misstep in a conversation littered with them. Wasn't Cullen supposed to be the awkward one? But there was no awkwardness in his heavy-lidded gaze. "I would… like that," he said, and his low voice sent a pleasant shiver through her body. She could only smile back inanely, until he shook himself and turned his attention back to the board.

"We should…finish our game," he stammered. "Right. My turn?"

They sat in companionable silence. Stone tapped against stone, and the low hum of insects and murmured conversations played around them. Finally Cullen played the only move that was open to him, and it was checkmate. He smiled wryly.

"I believe this one is yours. Well played." He leaned back, rolling his shoulders in a way that distracted Juliet entirely from her victory. "We shall have to try again some time." Standing, he offered her a small bow. "Inquisitor."

"Juliet," she said. "Please."

"Juliet." It was only her imagination, adding that low, husky timbre to his voice, the flash in his molten gold eyes. It was just her name; there was no reason for it to feel like a caress.

And yet long after he had taken his leave she sat, fingers playing around her lips as if the memory of a kiss lingered there.

"Still here?" Dorian startled her from her reverie. He ensconced himself in the chair opposite, fingers steepled and a knowing gleam in his eye. "Do I sense a romance blooming? I would so love to attend a provincial wedding."

"Did you and Varric orchestrate this?" she demanded.

"Varric?" he said, affronted. "Perish the thought, dear cousin. Our Commander wandered into my library and I took pity on him. He seemed so…" The mage twirled his hand theatricality. "Lost."

"How terribly kind of you to keep him entertained."

"Obviously, darling Juliet, I resent the implication to my very core." Dorian plucked an imaginary piece of lint from his trouser leg, examining it between thumb and forefinger. "But I did rather enjoy the game…and the view."

"You don't find our little garden too provincial?"

"Now, now," he chastised her. "We both know I wasn't talking about the garden. My question remains: are you two delightful creatures going to give all of us, your proud and loving family, the news we wait so impatiently to hear? Or must Varric's prize pool grow ever larger?"

"Bloody Varric," she muttered.

"Well?" Dorian crossed an elegant ankle over his leg.

"I'm going to have to disappoint you."

"Oh." Dorian did, indeed, sound disappointed. "Tell cousin Dorian absolutely everything."

Juliet sighed. I regret the entire thing. Somewhere in the Hinterlands, Tanner would be thinking the same about her. "There's really nothing to tell." She turned her hand palm up; the Anchor pulsed faintly green. "I just don't want to be anyone else's mistake."

#I have no idea how to tumblr #ao3 fanfic #dragon age #Too many words

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