#I think this is in response to my saying it's okay for paul to hold onto anger

[good-to-drive]

Do you think that George and John would have fixed their relationship had John lived past 1980? Because I don't.

I'm probably the wrong person to ask about this because in general I'm not a fan of speculating about what a person would or wouldn't have done had they lived. One of my favorite pieces of advice I ever got was when I was tutoring disadvantaged students during college (the best job I've ever had) and my supervisor told me potential is unknowable by definition. Meaning it's just as misguided and counterproductive to say someone has a lot of potential as to say they have no potential, because that's just not how that word works. Partly because people are dynamic and changeable but also because there are recesses of our character that no one, including ourselves, can be aware of.

So I truly don't know what would have happened between them, and I don't think you know either if I'm being totally honest. But, to throw all that out the window and speculate anyways, I think the most realistic answer is: Possibly.

I think it's fair to say that John and George were both highly mutable individuals, and that of the four beatles they spent the most time and energy trying to understand the self and achieve some kind of self awareness and personal growth (even if those attempts were sometimes misguided -- I'm looking at you, primal therapy). And I think in this case their mutability is both a complicating factor and an indication that reconciliation really was a true possibility for them. 

John was making enormous strides in his mental and emotional health at the time of his death, and it's entirely possible that might have led him to feel differently about George over time, or to simply decide he didn't want to put energy towards being angry at him anymore. (Not to equate letting go of anger with being adapted/self-aware – just that that’s one way growth can manifest, it’s definitely not the only one or the best one.) 

For his part, George was very vocal both musically and irl about all the ways he felt he needed to change/grow, though of course whether he ever got there is a difficult question to answer. His views on forgiveness are really interesting here (and sometimes a little magnanimous, tbh) but one thing that initially surprised me is that Paul credits George with convincing him to forgive Yoko.

(Which I guess just surprised me because I always believed the conventional wisdom that Paul is the sweetie and George is the cranky guy, but obviously that's a very limited snapshot of both of them.)

Anyways, to me the fact that George was putting time and energy towards learning to love Yoko implies that he may have been hoping or wanting to relearn his love for John as well (if he hadn't already.)

So I do think it’s possible that at some point in the last 40 years they’d both have been in a mental space to want to interact positively with one another again. It's not something that was guaranteed to happen, and I don't think we can even fairly say it was probable or improbable because that implies a level of knowledge of their souls that no one has or has ever had, but it's not outside the realm of possibility.

On a related note, another thing I've found kind of profound in analyzing the beatles (or anyone) is the line “The wounds of childhood do not heal” (Maryse Condé, Crossing the Mangrove.) Which is to say that the pain we experience as children shapes us so profoundly that every experience we have as adults is seen through the lens of that pain, and we reenact our childhood and our childhood family systems again and again without healing.

Now, in the case of the beatles, I think it’s a little blurry what constitutes childhood and what constitutes a family system (“family” system being a misnomer because every close collection of people has the tendency to form a system). Because they found each other as adolescents, and went through a life changing and arguably traumatic experience at a very young age that no one else could ever understand, the system they formed shaped them very powerfully and the wounds it instilled probably never healed, either. 

I guess that's my way of saying that the four of them had kind of an extended adolescence, and they continued to reenact the system they built as adolescents in order to survive the insanity they were living in well into adulthood.

Since George was something akin to a forgotten child in this system, and Paul was something akin to a golden child, (both of which are miserable, horrible ways to live, btw – this trend of using golden child to mean “spoiled” is the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever seen and also incredibly destructive to people who have actually experienced that trauma) those two really did have a tendency to be at odds with one another throughout their entire adult lives.

(Obligatory reminder that this is wild speculation and I'm not their therapist, or indeed any kind of therapist at all.)

But I think it’s that (and the fact that we tend to analyze anyone who touched Paul’s life purely through the lens of Paul) which tends to make people think George was fundamentally opposed to forgiving people who’d hurt him or allowing systems to adapt over time, even if that assumption doesn't really bear out in any of his other relationships. And, obviously, it's a little tricky to try to transplant the Paul/George relationship onto the John/George relationship and equate or even compare the two, because John played a very different role in the system and was a very different person from Paul.

Also, the fact that the wounds of childhood do not heal absolutely does not imply that we'll always be a slave to them. Crossing the Mangrove is an amazing book about decolonization and intergenerational trauma but one of its most powerful themes was the idea that we can continue to build ourselves and build our world in the shadow of enormous pain. And we'll always be informed by that pain, but being informed isn't the same as being defined.

All this is just to say it's very hard to anticipate what kind of changes John and George would have undergone in the last 20-40 years and whether those changes would have brought them closer together (or, if not closer together, would have encouraged a sense of acceptance towards one another.)

I also think there’s a conversation to be had about whether rebuilding that friendship would have actually been for the best for their mental and emotional wellbeing (a LOT of children from toxic family systems ultimately come to find that sorting through the pain isn’t worth it for the chance of reconciliation and that’s okay), but this is already way too long lol. 

Anyways, thanks for the ask and sorry this turned into such a novel!

[bad268]

hope you’re having a great dayy :)) wondering if you could do one for paul aron in a situation like sleepy back hugs when the other person is busy whipping up breakfast in the kitchen, catching them by surprise smth like that? just fluff cause I rarely see stuff for paul 😢 tysm!!

Morning Surprises (Paul Aron X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/Formula 2/3

Requested: Clearly (thank you for being patient and tbh i was 🤏 this close to changing it to Ralf. idk why but I'm on my Ralf arc rn, I'm gonna start writing for Ralf so send it in <3)

Warnings: shirtless Paul (need I say more?)

Pronouns: You/your

W.C. 1101

Summary: Sleepy hugs in the morning. What's not to like?

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(@/Paul's insta from February 23, 2023)

It was too early to function, in your opinion. Half seven in the morning may seem late to people like your race car driver boyfriend, Paul, but to you, it was too damn early to function. Rolling over in bed to hide in Paul’s side, you notice he’s not there. In fact, he had not been there for a while since his side was completely cold.

You groaned as you got out of the warm blankets and found one of Paul’s many sweatshirts lying around before throwing it on. You walk out of your room and are met with a familiar smell, but you can’t tell exactly what it is in your drowsy state.

You walk into the kitchen and see Paul standing over the stove. He was wearing grey sweatpants and no shirt as he was making what looked like a burnt egg. You held your breath as you crept up behind him before snaking your arms around his waist quickly, causing him to quickly look back at you leaning against his back.

“Are you trying to kill me?” You mumbled as you laid your head on his shoulder, already planning to fall back asleep. “That looks burnt. I don’t think Gigi would approve.”

“I tried, okay?” He chuckled as he dumped the burnt eggs into the trash and began a new omelet. Once it started cooking, he took one hand off the skillet (skrittle) to rest it against your arm. “Are you falling asleep again? Or have you died?”

“I mean my heart is still beating. Only for you of course,” You joked halfheartedly, leaning back on his shoulder to look up at him. “I was planning on going back to sleep. You’re just too comfy, but I don’t want to leave you alone and risk burning the apartment down.”

“You’re so cheezy, I love you,” He teased, leaning over to press a small kiss to your forehead. He turned his attention back to the omelet just in time to flip it are the right time, and it landed back in the pan perfectly. 

“You’re so domestic. I love you,” You joked back, pulling away to make you both cups of coffee/tea and set them at the table. “So what’s the plan for today?”

“As far as I know, we have nothing planned,” he replied, dishing up the omelet he made to share with you as he also grabbed some fruits he had cut up earlier before sitting next to you at the table. “We can do whatever you want.”

“That’s a slippery slope, Aron. Don’t give me that much power.”

~~

That night, Paul was pulled into a last minute mandatory call with Toto Wolff and Mercedes about who knows what at this point. You took it upon yourself to make dinner, one of Paul’s favorites. He was pacing around in the living room as you busied yourself in the kitchen.

You were just pulling it out of the oven when he ended the call, and you just set it down when he wrapped his arms around your waist, lifting you up. He spun you around in a few circles, causing you both to laugh before he placed you back on your feet as you turned in his arms.

“I assume it was a good call?” You asked, wrapping your arms around his neck as you both made eye contact. His only response was to pull you close and kiss you hard, leaving no room between you. Despite not wanting to pull away, he pulled back with a huge smile on his lips. “Wow, that good, huh?”

“Guess who has a seat in F2 next season!” He exclaimed, tightening his hold on your waist as he bounced back and forth on his heels, unable to stand still.

“Hmm, let me guess. Dino?” You teased, causing his face to fall in mock offense as he froze entirely. You laughed at his expression before going back on your word, “No. Definitely not. I’m pretty sure it has to be Zak!”

He gaped at your exclamation as he rolled his eyes, “No. You’ve got one last guess.”

“Oh, one last guess? I better guess…” you hesitated in mock joking again to get a raise out of him, “Ralf?”

“Oh, you’re just fucking with me!” He shouted, pulling you in for a bone crushing hug again, swinging you around once again. “It’s me! I’m getting a seat!”

“I couldn’t tell!” You laughed as you tightened your hold on his shoulders. He set you down with a sharp glare as you smiled back at him. “I’m kidding. I figured as much. That’s why I made your favorite food.”

~~

It was too early to function, in your opinion, but you would not dare to oversleep on a day like today. Today was Paul’s first day in Formula 2, and you wanted to surprise him with breakfast in bed.

You carefully crawled out of bed, struggling to release Paul’s arms from your torso, and snuck out of the room. You made it to the kitchen where Ralf was making oatmeal or something already. 

“How did you get in here?” You whisper shouted as you walked toward Ralf. “I was going to make him breakfast in bed. You ruined my surprise, Ralf!”

“I have a key, did you forget?” Ralf chuckled as he set two bowls in front of you. “You can take it to him. I’ll hide out here and make the protein shakes.” 

“Let me check on him first. I’ll bring him out here,” You responded, turning around and heading back into your shared room to find Paul not in the bed. You looked around and saw the light in the bathroom on as well as the sound of the shower turning off. You gave him a couple of seconds before walking in, seeing him with a towel around his waist as he ran his hand threw his blond locks. You walked up behind him as he finished pulling on his boxers and jeans, wrapping your arms around him as he did so. “You’ll never guess who broke into the apartment.”

“Gigi or Ralf? My money’s on Ralf,” he laughed, leaning back into your embrace.

“Ding ding ding, we have a winner!” You replied in mock enthusiasm, jumping up to place a kiss on his cheek, immediately feeling the roughness. You pulled back quickly and made a face at Paut through the mirror, “Dang, you need to shave. I’m going to eat the food Ralf made!”

With that, you left him to finish up in the bathroom as you got started with your day.

~~~~~

© BAD268 2023. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

[tin-wufborf]

Tin's Favorite Sterek Fics (Part 1)

Okay, so listen. A few months back, I mentioned the possibility of me doing a rec list of all the Sterek fics I like to re-read (basically my comfort library), right? Well, it turns out that what I thought was going to be a list of, like, 50 fics max is now, far, far, far, FAR longer than that to the point that I don't actually even have a number to provide due to the fact that I still finding more and more to add to the list. I really hate the idea putting them all in a single post--as someone who primarily engages with this site via it's mobile app, I personally find super long lists harder to navigate, especially when you lose your place and have to start from the top--soooo, I have decided to instead release my recommendations in a series of posts containing 15-20 fics/series each instead of dumping the whole library on you at once. This post marks the first of (almost certainly) many, so I hope you all enjoy!

List and links to next parts below the cut.

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DISCLAIMER: This is me warning you all that some of the fics I've included in this list may cover explicit, dark, and/or "taboo" subject matters. I cannot express enough how little I care what anyone thinks about any of that; all I want is for you to use caution when reading anything I've listed here and to please review and heed whatever tags the authors have provided in order to keep yourselves safe. Your experience from this point on is your own responsibility, not mine and not the authors'.

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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17

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The Boy Who Loved Wolves by orphan_account (NR | 1/1 | 1,522)

Stiles always loved the tamed wolves his tribe used for hunting. When he finds himself face-to-face with an actual wolf, an alpha no less, how will it change him? And how will his tribe react to his change? Based on Paul Goble's The Girl Who Loved Wild Horses.

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Will of the Weakness by Cheshyr (G | 1/1 | 2,248)

Whenever Derek threw Stiles into walls, he always assumed that the teenager didn't fight because he couldn't. Not once did he consider the possibility that Stiles was holding back.

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Making a Memory by beenwandering (M | 1/1 | 2,702)

Stiles was prepared for what would come after the bite. He knew what to expect and, despite his worries, he was ready for his new life. Apparently very ready. Or, “that one where Stiles can’t be anything other than Stiles, even when he’s a wolf."

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A Cottage in the Woods by FaeryQueen07 (G | 1/1 | 2,960)

“There’s a cottage,” Stiles’ mother says, and then she presses a kiss to his forehead before turning off the light.

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Tell Me, Are My Words Worth Less? by Cheshyr (G | 1/1 | 3,830)

Stiles is proud of his words. He loves to talk and tell and share and speak. And he absolutely, deep in his soul, hates his stutter.

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Little Lion Man by lyllytas (T | 1/1 | 5,029)

Sheriff Stilinski has just been fired from his job and is at a loss for his son's recent behavior. All he wants is the truth, so when Stiles comes to him with another crazy story, he's had enough of the jokes and lies. Unfortunately for him, this time Stiles was telling the truth. And Derek Hale is very protective of his pack.

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Love in the Groves series by Sheepnamedpig (3 works | T-E | 5,706)

1. The Oak Tree (E | 1/1 | 1,533) A forest spirit decides to take up residence in Derek's forest. 2. The Cherry Tree (E | 1/4 | 2,170) Derek and Stiles get married. And then they get married again. 3. The Ash Grove (T | 1/1 | 2,003) Stiles gets sick. Derek watches him carve the infection out.

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Knotting Expectations by chase_acow (E | 1/1 | 5,722)

Stiles gets an eyeful and suddenly getting up close and personal to a werewolf is all he can think about.

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go home, or make a home by lady_ragnell (T | 1/1 | 7,437)

In a world where Derek lets Scott kill the Alpha and get the cure, he has to figure out how to rebuild his life, with help from Stiles.

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Communication (And the Lack Thereof) by ProofOfConcept, wilddragonflying (M | 1/1 | 7,687)

Sheriff Stilinski has been waiting for this day for a long time. As he watches his visitor walking up the path, he thinks about everything that's happened in the past year and his fingers twitch for his gun. But he can't do that; he can't shoot this man, as much as he might like to sometimes. Maybe he can go one worse, though.

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Integral to Survival by placeholdr (M | 1/1 | 8,529)

Derek is in the cell for about ten minutes before the lone door opens and a new body is tossed in. The person hits the floor with a grunt, rolls, and stands as the door is clanging shut.

“That’s really not the way to treat a guest!”

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Ten Weeks by scarletsptember (T | 1/1 | 10,024)

They say no news is good news at a doctor's office. The news Stiles gets changes everything.

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adore to see your eyes fly by 1001cranes (E | 1/1 | 11,309)

stiles is a pyromanic, derek is a sociopath. a match made in some kind of heaven. teen wolf kink meme fill.

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Blood and Bonds by ProofOfConcept, wilddragonflying (NR | 1/1 | 20,595)

Stiles wants to lose his virginity, so Derek sets him up with a nice female werewolf at a pack mixer. Nine months later, the pack gets a rather stark reminder, and with it comes realizations, feeeeelings, and danger.

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Heat of the Moment by ProofOfConcept, wilddragonflying (T | 1/1 | 21,320)

I'm the alpha now.

Derek never wanted the alpha power. But now he could feel the alpha power thrumming through his veins, calling to him and the those it considered pack.

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The Wolfvengers (Are Not A '90s Boyband) series by someonelsesheart (2 works | T | 23,152)

1. Angry Birds Is Not Meant To Be Taken Literally (T | 3/3 | 12,917) Derek gets that he and Stiles are kind of on a Need To Know basis, he really does, he just thinks that Stiles' godfather being in the freaking Avengers counts as pretty Need To Know. 2. The Captain America Law (T | 3/3 | 10,235) For the record, Derek is not very fond of talking about feelings, up to and including discussing his personal life, anything that has to do with Stiles, That Time With The High Heels, and games that include having to convey feelings. On a completely unrelated note, who knew that Tony Stark owned a sexy nurse's costume?

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An Exercise in Trust by ProofOfConcept, wilddragonflying (M | 1/1 | 25,529)

Derek Hale hasn't been able to hold a steady job for quite some time, thanks to his past. When an ad is posted for a babysitting job, Derek(thanks to his experience with his large extended family) jumps at the chance to maybe start rebuilding his life.

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hyper heart alone by hito (E | 1/1 | 34,570)

When Stiles returns home to help his father recover from an injury, he discovers that things have changed somewhat in his absence: Derek is working closely with Stiles' father, around the house and underfoot, generally annoying and disconcerting Stiles with his presence.

Well, Stiles isn't sure you could call all the sex they end up having annoying, but he isn't really willing to call it anything else, either.

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By and By series by 1001cranes (3 works | T-E | 35,611)

1. hear his alibis (T | 1/1 | 6,628) creepy never looked so cute - or, how Sheriff Stiles accidentally adopted a juvenile offender. (another) pyromaniac au. 2. multiplied by seven (E | 9/9 | 26,340) Derek isn't exactly like other people. Stiles doesn't say that because he's in love with him, or whatever. He's not like Scott, who thinks Allison hung the freaking moon, or was the first girl to ever let a guy under her bra. Derek isn't like other people. Sometimes he's not exactly sane. psychopaths in love - the story from Derek & Stiles's side. companion fic to 'hear his alibis' 3. up to the highest high (E | 1/1 | 2,643) Kate takes a day to think it over, to plan her attack. She's good on her feet, but a little preplanning never hurt anyone. And if she's going to make Derek bleed, well - she needs just the right weapon. The right words. A thousand little pinpricks and cuts, because Derek isn't the type you can cut off at the knees so easily. You have to look for that dark, hidden place to plant a seed of doubt, and Kate? Kate's good at that. "He wants to be with a girl," she says. Like poisoned honey. "Or he doesn't not want it, am I right?" You think that curiosity won't get the better of him one day?" She's got her hands on him when she says it. She feels the beating of his heart, the firmness of his pectoral muscles, because, hey, this is precisely the way she swings. And Derek might keep it pretty well tucked up under his cap, but he doesn't exactly hate the female persuasion himself. Or at least he's attracted to them. Same difference in the end. "Better the devil you know," she says, and from the way Derek's gaze narrows she's got a feeling she's won.

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Blood in the Water, Fire in the Sky: A Love Story series by ahab2692 (7 works | E | 69,750)

1. God, How Things Change (E | 1/1 | 9,056) After killing Peter Hale, Derek and Stiles have to deal with the aftermath: Scott doesn't want to forgive Derek for taking away his chance for the cure, Jackson struggles with adjusting to his newfound powers, and Lydia remains in a coma. Derek has his own demons to wrestle, and the more time he spends with Stiles, the less sure he is that he'll be able to control himself.

2. The World Spins, Regardless (E | 1/1 | 11,006) Stiles helps Derek expand his pack, and the two of them take steps forward in their newfound relationship. Meanwhile, new enemies arrive in the form of a dangerous pack of werewolves from a nearby town, as well as a pair of mysterious hunters with an unknown agenda. (Sequel to "God, How Things Change.") 3. Cracks in the Foundations (E | 1/1 | 10,107) Preparing for the oncoming war with an aggressive werewolf clan, Derek and Stiles make efforts to secure their friends' safety. Derek put the pack through a rigorous training regimen, and Stiles convinces him to form a temporary alliance with the Argents. However, no one is able to foresee a shocking loss that has a devastating effect on the pack's stability. (Sequel to "The World Spins, Regardless.") 4. The Wicker Throne and the Werewolf King (E | 1/1 | 11,241) Stiles and Lydia travel to a distant mining outpost in the woods to try and kill the Alpha of the rival pack. Meanwhile, Derek and Chris Argent struggle to ensure the safety of the pack in the aftermath of Stiles' recent loss. (Sequel to "Cracks in the Foundations.") 5. Conversation (and Carnage) (E | 1/1 | 9,096) Stiles attempts to negotiate with the Alpha. Derek attempts to negotiate with Meredith Wakefield. Hidden agendas lie beneath the surface. Everything is not as it seems. (Sequel to "The Wicker Throne and the Werewolf King.") 6. ...And Hell Followed With Him (E | 1/1 | 10,080) Stiles emerges victorious as the new Alpha. Derek and Chris Argent launch their attack on Meredith Wakefield. Stiles and Lydia return home. (Sequel to "Conversation (and Carnage).") 7. God, How Things Change (Redux) (E | 1/1 | 9,164) Stiles and Derek pay a visit to their last remaining enemy. The pack recovers in the aftermath. Everything ends. Everything begins. (Sequel to "...And Hell Followed With Him".)

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[johns-prince]

I Don't Know (Oh Johnny Johnny)

After listening to this "forgotten" song by John and Paul on repeat, with excruciating scrutiny of trying my darndest to make out the lyrics.

This song is approximately recorded around 1960, could have even been 1959, and I've read it was apparently recorded when the group was going by the Silver Beatles. Also, apparently recorded at Paul's house? I'm not sure.

Whether you think it's just them fooling about, simple improvising and nothing at all, I think if they were going to take the effort to record it, it had to mean something.

Even if some or half of it is "improv," it still sounds like a conversation between the two.

It's not unlike them to use music to communicate and express personal thoughts and feelings, wants. There's also nobody else there... it's just them.

Just a couple of the clearer lyrics from Paul at the start:

"Hey now Johnny Johnny, oh Johnny Johnny, oh Johnny Johnny, oh Johnny Johnny, Oh God, Johnny boy, how are we gonna tell them?"

"Oh Johnny boy you wore me out"

It also sounds in one line Paul is singing, "Well you got me!"

Then John starts up.

And I know some people claim the start for John here is him saying "Well little boy" but I have to say that doesn't match up with what I've heard.

Doesn't sound anything like boy, but it does sound like John is saying, "Oh little darling, packing my shoes.. " can't make the following bit before, "cuz I'm losin' you"

"I'm going to see my sister soon. She don't want to see me I don't know really what I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do."

Now you've got Paul again:

"Well Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, when I call you Johnny, well Johnny Johnny oh Johnny, when I'm calling you..."

"Well I don't know what I'm going to tell them..." okay, these lyrics are really difficult to decipher. Maybe it's just my brains attempt at conjuring coherent words from the incoherent sounds, but, what follows this sounds ALMOST sounds as if Paul is telling him what he'll tell the fellas, about thoughts regarding John (I've still got thoughts of you/I'll still have thoughts of you/or, I'll still vouch for you)

Then the closest thing to ever getting to hear what Paul McCartney sounds like when pleading:

"Please Johnny, please Johnny"

John's response is:

"Well I'll tell the fellas I'm traveling with you"

And funnily enough, it's John saying, "I don't know what I'm gonna to do when I tell my mother we're gonna leave town." Of course if this is recorded in 1958/1960, Julia is no longer around...

Paul reiterates this though, confirming it, "Yeah we're gonna leave town."

Paul continues with this dogged line, I can catch a couple of "we gotta leave, we just gotta leave, we gotta leave right now."

Then—

"Take the next bus out of town, then we won't let nobody down!"

It's a conversation about getting out, breaking out, starting over just the two of them... With some interesting mentions of family and friends finding out, about something, with them, between them? And disappointing everyone, causes family to turn them away.

The reason couldn't have just been that they were wanting to become famous musicians together, right? I don't think that alone could be it considering Mimi nor Jim, or Julia or John's sisters, ever turned them away or shunned them because of this dream they were already chasing by this time.

The song progresses to where it sounds as if John has reservations about leaving, he's not as confident about the plan as originally thought.

Paul keeps singing the "we gotta leave, get outta town." I caught a "don't hold me down."

John starts repeating "I don't know" which results in Paul repeatedly calling out, "Oh Johnny Johnny Johnny oh Johnny Johnny Johnny Johnny..." Again, it's almost like pleading, "How could you not know? We have to go, we have to leave town, you can't tell me “I don't know” now. Don't do this now."

Now, I will say this, the full lyrical interpretations of this song, while I commend others for trying too, hold too many issues for me to agree upon their validity. I don't catch any "I love yous" and the such, but I think what I have caught, and how John and Paul are singing to each other and with each other here, alone, as teenage boys chasing their dream, is enough to convince me still that this song is so intimately about them, their relationship, and what they dreamed of doing together.

Running off, getting out and creating music together. Running away together. The song technically foreshadowing this honeymoon-esque trip of John and Paul doing just that when John turned 21, and with 100 quid took Paul on a trip.

Two teenage boys not knowing what to do, lamenting over something, something getting out to their family that would cause them to be turned away and to cause disappointment. I don't necessarily attribute that to them chasing the dream of becoming famous musicians together, but it could be. It could be many different things. Could just be me overanalyzing...

The end of the song is a lot more scrambled, difficult to make out, but it sounds like both John and Paul are back to both agreeing to the fact they need to get out, leave town, together.

Also imagining the fact they probably looked something close to this while thumping around and singing this song in Paul's house, alone together, gives me feelings.

[railingsofsorrow]

dance with me

[spencer reid x reader]

summary: who would have thought that a glass of water could make you sway in your feet in more ways than one.

pairing: s.reid x f!reader

w.c: 1.9K

warnings/content: exes that are still in love with each other trope; heartbreak!!; I'm a willifer stan, if you can tell; jack and henry being besties; pinky promises; dancing with an ex lover; I promise you heartache ™; mentions of alcohol and being drunk; ex partners walking down memory lane (longing); angst <3; poorly edited because I'm sleepy.

a/n: this is part of a short series that started with this one shot and someone asked me to do a part 2 but I ended up writing another stand-alone that may or may not connect with the first one.

navi

masterpost

cm masterlist

would you like to enter my taglist?

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

jj was one of the most beautiful brides you had ever seen. her dress fit her perfectly, it seemed to have been made especially for her, even though it belonged to her mother.

will looked at her as if she was the sky holding all of the stars. no one else was around as they danced, just the two of them, you could see it in their eyes.

you were kind of drunk on their love, from afar. and, of course, you might be a little inebriated because of the few champagne glasses you've had since the party started. in your defense, it was all penelope's fault, she offered you the first glass. your will to loosen up did the rest.

you almost fell down on your butt from the way henry pulled at your dress. you didn't blame him, he's been excited all night and he had to let it all out as much as he wanted. he yanked you closer to the spot he and jack were playing on the grass of the rossi household.

“uncle spencer told us the secret of his magic trick.” jack explained as you stared at the cards laid out in front of them. “but we can't remember it.”

a chuckled escaped your lips.

“and that's exactly why he told you.”

henry pouted, his blonde strands falling from behind his ear. giving him a soft smile, you brushed them back, booping his nose as he giggled in response.

“i know why you brought me here and I'm sorry to say that I have no idea how uncle spencer does his magic tricks.” you lament as they both protest in defeat. “he never told me. but I swear if he ever does, you'll be the first to know, okay?”

“promise?” jack hotchner raised his pinky and henry made sure to imitate him eagerly.

you nodded, intertwining your own pinky with theirs. “i promise.” you whispered, kissing both of their small cheeks before standing up. penelope and derek had approached your little group and you took advantage of that to walk inside the house and fetch a cup of water. your vision was starting to get a little blurry and that was the indication you had to know that your alcohol consumption was officially over for the night.

someone else seemed to share your train of thought.

“appreciating art?”

spencer was concentrated analysing one of the art pieces in the mansion's hallway. he didn't act startled at your presence, which meant he already felt you approaching beforehand. you stared down at your heels, wondering if they were too loud.

“it's an interesting painting,” you looked up as he said it. his eyes settled on you. “do you know this one?”

“a street scene.” you responded, shifting on your feet. your feet were starting to hurt. you can't remember for how long you have been on those heels. “can't remember the artist though.”

“paul fischer,” spencer promptly said. “it was painted in 1902. he was also known as copenhagen's painter because of how much he represented his homeland on his paintings.”

you let out a slow hum, walking past him to reach the kitchen. “over a century ago.”

“109 years ago.” he chuckled as you chugged down an entire glass of water and filled it up again. “thirsty?”

you lifted a finger, a silent request to wait. spencer leaned on the kitchen counter, observing you with a glint of amusement in his eyes.

“i think I may have...” you exhaled, “drank too much.”

spencer mumbled something that you weren't able to hear, but you didn't need to. you approached him slowly, also leaning on the countertop, the marble cold against your palms. narrowing your eyes at him, you said. “don't even say it.”

he had the decency to act bewildered though his lips betrayed him with a quirk on the edges. “say what?”

“you were teasing me just now.”

“i was not.” spencer raised a brow, sending a giddy smile your way. “i was simply stating that you can get carried away at parties.”

“i had two glasses.” you pouted, “maybe four.” you admitted, a half-assed lie. you had no idea how many you have had during the night. just that they were working really fast in your system.

the two of you stayed there. speaking in low voices, rather discreetly, as the party happened outside. the house was quiet but you could make out some loud voices from the open window.

your ears picked up a soft melody, and the voices quietened down. you figured it was the moment for some slow dancing.

“dance with me.”

you'd think you were the one who said that, given your state of mind a few minutes ago. spencer looked handsome in a suit, it was almost out of character for him, you never saw him without one of his sweater vests. you don't deny he's an attractive man. everything about him is attractive, not only the physical aspects but they did him justice alright.

those were the things you noticed when you were dating. and those are still the things you notice as you are exes. you wonder if there is anything you don't notice about spencer.

you froze at his outstretched hand.

oh, he said that.

is he inviting me to dance?

“me?” his grin made you blush. and to think you had been sober just now.

“yes.” he wriggled his fingers. “dance with me?” the tone of his voice carried a tinge of uncertainty.

your body responded before your mouth could. as your hand intertwined with his, the feeling of returning somewhere you had longed for so long squeezed your chest.

with your chin resting against his shoulder and the warmth of his touch enveloping your waist, the music didn't reach the kitchen anymore. you couldn't hear anything else but your heartbeat.

“you don't even like dancing.” you joked, letting him lead your swaying as you tried not to step on his feet.

his answer was closing the gap between the two of you, your bodies flush against each other. you didn't hesitate before laying your cheek on his shoulder. your fingers intertwined behind his neck, grazing against his uncovered skin.

it felt so familiar and normal that none of you flinched away. as if it was how it was supposed to be.

“i like it when I'm with you.” he said, breath tickling the side of your neck.

“the boys...” you drawled out, a smile stretching on your lips absentmindedly. “they asked me how you did your magic tricks. one of them, actually. the one with the cards.” his chuckled made his body shake a little.

“did they? but I told them.”

“you know kids don't learn it the first time. that's why you told them.”

“i can't just reveal my magic tricks like that, can I?” you pulled back a little to make sure he saw you glare at him. his grin didn't let you scowl much longer though.

shaking your head at him in faux disappointment was the worst thing you could have possibly done at that moment. spencer knew that quirk of lips as he knew his own brain and he recognized that tilt of head because of all the times you did that, it only meant one thing: you were about to tease him.

that was his weakness. your lazy smile along with your fluttering eyelashes. basically, your whole charming persona. you. you were his weakness. spencer has admitted that since he knew he was in love with you.

it used to overwhelm him to be this close to somebody, the warmth of two bodies colliding felt too much of a torture for him. until you came along and showed him what safety felt like.

he felt safe when your fingertips grazed the nape of his neck. when you laid your head on his shoulder and when you softly mumbled the song playing outside right by his ear.

you're right here and he's missing you.

isn't that crazy?

“that used to be my favourite song.” you said, caressing the spot behind his earlobe. his eyes were shut as his feet followed the slow rhythm of the melody.

he hummed, “it was all that you listened to for an entire month.” your laugh brought joy to him as he looked down at you. happiness looked good on you.

“yes.” you shrugged, touching his jaw gently. “but you enjoyed it.”

“i did.” he confessed. “it's calm. soothing.” like your voice. I never get tired of it.

he brushed a strand behind your ear. “is it not your favourite song anymore?”

and just like that, the light in your eyes dimmed. it might have been imperceptible if he wasn't that close. too close.

do people ever feel so comfortable around ex partners as he is with you right now? dancing to a song you used to sing it for him?

“it hurts to listen to it.” your voice cracked at the end of the sentence and you rested your head on his shoulder as if you were attempting to avoid his gaze. it physically painted him when you did that. “reminds me of you.”

he thought about apologising. he thought about asking why does it remind you of me and why would it hurt. but spencer was aware of the answer to both questions. he knew why you couldn't listen to it without memories swarming into your brain like a storm. he knew how hard it was and how much it absolutely crushed you that your favourite song reminded you of an ex lover. of him.

he chose to stay silent.

at the same time he wanted to spare you any emotional pain, he wanted to hear if you were hurting as much as he was. how unfair was that? loving you and having you in his arms but not being able to be with you like he wanted to?

was it hard for you too? did it make you want to take back the words you said just like he wanted to take back everything he had said? did it destroy you wholeheartedly?

spencer doesn't know for how long you stayed there at rossi's kitchen, swaying to a song that no longer played. at some point, you retracted your hand from his neck, lowering slightly to take off your high heels, immediately releasing a breath of relief.

and your touch lingered like a ghost. his soul was void. vulnerable and lonely. once again.

emily walked in the kitchen and you two acted as a couple that had been caught doing something wrong. you had been talking — dancing for just a previous moment — there wasn't anything wrong with that, was it?

spencer felt out of it all of a sudden. at one moment, he knows how to act around you, he feels as if he can touch you and hold you like he never missed his chance. and then, a second later, you're walking away and he's not stopping you from leaving.

“it's still my favourite song.”

and it was his, too.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

a/n: the dancing part was definitely not inspired by mitski's song my love mine all mine.

source: the painting mentioned

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

taglist: @lilyviolets

[literaryfandomangel]

The Promise Chapter Four

Chapter Four

"Whoa!" The person I ran headfirst into grabbed hold of my elbows. They were trying to make sure that I didn't fall onto my butt, but I flinched back from their touch and the feeling of bubbles under my skin. I squeezed my eyes shut, a reflex at this point. The person noticed with a sharp inhale. They were sure they could deduce the reasoning behind that reflex but decided not to bring it up. "Are you okay?"

I opened my eyes after a moment, moving out of their reach. I plastered on a smile, tilting my head back to see the person I had inconvenienced. He had kind, honey-colored eyes and long brown hair (long even by 80 fashion standards). His hair fell like a wave of obsidian in the dark light, natural highlights glinting in the overhead lights. I noticed an animal tooth hanging from his earring in his left ear. I suspected a bear, due to the size. I blushed as I gazed upon his visage, realizing he only wore a leather jacket, no shirt underneath. The coat was open, leaving his abs on display. I gave the man a nod, praying he wouldn't ask any more questions. I also didn't want to begin to think about the tingling in my skin where his hands had touched. 

It was related to his touch since I only noticed the tingling, bubbling feeling in my elbows. Right where this man had steadied me to keep my balance. I didn't know what to think or what this would mean. No one had ever been able to elicit such a response from me ever. 

"I think she's stunned," another man with long blonde hair, gorgeous blue eyes, a teasing smile, and a California accent smirked at the man. I stepped back, just now noticing the three other individuals accompanying the brunette. 

"Paul!" The guy in front of me admonished, rolling his eyes. It made me think this was their dynamic - Paul saying something and this man having to clean up after Paul. The brunette held me captive beneath his honey-brown eyes that refused to leave me alone. 

"Fine," I murmured, breaking eye contact. I blushed as my eyes drifted lower to view his perfect abs and then lower to settle on his thighs. He had thick thighs that were muscular and his black jeans clung to the muscles. Finally, I brought my eyes to the ground, wishing for an earthquake to open a fault and swallow me whole. 

"What's your name?" Another man spoke, breathing out smoke from the cigarette he was indulged in. My eyes rose involuntarily to look upon his countenance. This man had a darker stubble on his chiseled cheeks with the blondest hair I'd ever seen. 

He had pale blue eyes that seemed to draw me into his gaze. It felt unnerving, like he was looking deep into my soul, figuring out my secrets. The lanugo on my arms and the back of my neck stood on end, sensing some danger or electricity in the air. I couldn't say a word while my eyes were locked with his. My mouth wouldn't move to articulate the syllables of my name. His lips quirked upwards into a smirk until my brother's voice broke the spell. 

"ARIA!" Sam called out, running towards me on the Boardwalk. I jerked and yanked out of the reverie. It caused our eyes to disconnect, and I felt strange, almost empty. The four men standing there let their mouths curve upwards into smiles as my identity was no longer a secret. I turned to walk toward my brother when I heard the platinum-blonde male speak.

"We'll see you around, Aria," he promised. I turned to see their figures already walking away, leather clothing and accessories creaking as they ambled away. I wasted no time and raced to Sam's side. 

"Where have you been?" Sam yelled at me. He didn't need to worry about me as I was the oldest. Since coming out of inpatient, Sam had been treating me like I was a little kid. I didn't care for his attitude when we were alone. "Mom's worried sick about you. Did you eat anything? Or are you just waiting to pass out - again?"

My spine stiffened at his callous jab. I understood that Sam was lashing out due to the move and worried about my illness, but he didn't have to scream it at me. I didn't notice the four men stop, having heard what my brother said to me. They looked at the scene before them, taking in what information they could. No one noticed if they looked upon the scene how all four men clenched their fists in anger. They didn't appreciate how this child spoke to the lovely creature wandering the Boardwalk. 

I said nothing to Sam; I just chose to walk past him. A silent ghost wandering up the Boardwalk. I ignored my brother's ranting, focusing on the four mysterious men. They were handsome - something I've only seen in magazines or on the television. I had seen handsome guys before, but everyone paled compared to those four. I was also focused on why I felt a connection between the four. 

I had felt a weird pull in the depths of my stomach while near them. The platinum blonde held the most sway over my mind. I wondered how long I could have stared at him, but probably for as long as possible. The electrical sparks that still tingled under my skin where the brunette had gently grabbed my elbows were magical. The air around the five of us felt charged, almost as if lightning had just hit the beach where we were standing. 

My mind wandered, the visage of the four men vivid within my memory. It was almost palpable as if I could touch them in my mind as my brother and I walked to the Range Rover. My mother was waiting by the driver's side, with a bright smile, when she noticed our figures. As I walked closer, I felt as if I were being watched. It didn't feel creepy or threatening but rather heat where eyes were staring. 

I turned my head, locking green eyes on the figures of those four men. The crowd milled about them, but they kept staring at me. My cheeks turned cherry red when I realized they were enamored with me. I couldn't bear to tear my eyes away, ears reddening as the blonde-haired male with the long locks winked. 

"Aria!" My mom's voice cut through the connection. She sounded irritated, almost as if she had said my name multiple times prior. I turned my head to focus on her. "Did you eat?"

I shrugged my shoulders, my mother sighing. She was worried that she would lose me, and there was no money to put me into another inpatient clinic. I reached for the cold door handle, turning my head back towards the Boardwalk. I scanned the crowd, but it was like the men were a figment of my imagination as they were no longer standing there. I sighed, a little disappointed, and got into the car.  Chapter Five

[multifandomworldsposts]

TROUBLE PT 3

pairing: mafia!austin butler x stripper!reader

warning: riding, oral, eating out, unprotected sex

Y/N’s POV

It’s been 3 hours since Austin left my house, I’ve never been scared about someone in my life.

I hear a knock and it’s Austin with Paul with blood all over themselves, what did Austin do?

“Tell her Paul,” Austin says holding him to look at me.

“Y/N.” Paul says in a shaky response.

“Say it, Paul!” Austin yells at him.

“Y/N, I’m sorry that I, that I hurt you, I’m sorry Y/N.” Paul confesses.

“You know that’s a bad thing to do Paul but I’m going to say it here, I forgive you but don’t harass my coworkers including myself again,” I say to him.

“I won’t, I promise, let go of me Austin!” Paul yelled at Austin.

“Fine, don't fucking touch Y/N ever again you hear me," Austin says in Paul's ear.

“I won’t! Let me leave Austin!” Paul trying to out of Austin’s grip.

“Austin let go of him.” I finally say.

He let’s go of Paul and Paul just runs away like a coward. Austin walks up to me and I hug him.

“What did you do to him?” I look at him.

“I think I broke his nose.” He says to me.

“Austin!” I smack his arm lightly.

“What? He tried to hurt you baby, I don’t want him to be around my baby girl.” He says trying to kiss me.

I stop him from kissing me and says, “Take a shower, I don’t want blood on me Aus.”

“Fine, but after that, can you check me for any more bruises?” He gives me those puppy dog eyes again.

“Fine I will but can I actually help you not have you fuck me while I do it?” I said to him.

“Okay but I wish I was fucking you.” He said with a smirk on his face.

“Just go to the shower.” I point where my stairs are at.

He goes upstairs and I fix myself some strawberries for myself.

3 DAYS LATER

I’m back at The Gentlemen’s Club but I’m banned doing the private shows because of Paul and thank god l am because I don’t want to think about it anymore. I’m on the catwalk now and I get a bunch of tips from it.

I go to my usual place on the catwalk and when I was doing going down to see who the person is in front of me, it was Austin. Thank god it’s not some old man though.

“Hey beautiful.” Austin says to me.

“Hey handsome.” I say back.

“Got something for ya.” Austin gets out a 100 dollar bill out of his pocket.

“You usually want the free show hon.” I continue dancing.

“It’s for your own good.” Austin says still holding the 100 dollar bill in his hand.

“Put it in my bra.” I lean down so Austin can give it to me.

Austin puts it in my bra and kisses my cheek. I get off of the catwalk and onto his lap and starts doing a lap dance on. I can hear him moan.

“Someone’s excited.” I said holding on to him.

“He wants to come out and play.” Austin whispers in my ear.

I want to go home with him so bad it’s going to make me crazy.

“I wanna go home.” I pout.

“I talked to John and he said you can so get dressed or keep this on and I can carry you to my car and maybe fuck you in there.” He whispers in my ear.

“I’ll get dressed baby. Besides I made 300 bucks tonight.” I get off him and says.

“What have been doing without me here?” Austin pulls me between his legs.

“Been doing good dancing and you getting a lap dance.” I say.

“Get dressed and meet me here, someone wants you.”

“Who?”

“You know who.” He smirks.

I realize on what he’s talking about and I go backstage to get dressed and get new lingerie that I bought on under my clothing. I go where Austin is at and we go to his car.

AT HIS HOUSE

He’s such a good fuck. He takes off my outfit and sees my lingerie, he wants me. We’ve been on the floor for about 20 minutes and I don’t want to him stop. He takes his clothes off and I notice something on him, a a hickey I gave him last night. Austin frees his cock and I need him.

“Austin, just fuck me.” I beg.

“Whatever you say.” He says.

He on top of me and fucks me. I scream and tug on his hair. He goes faster, I make him get in between my breasts and he starts bitting me. I start to moan, actually I start to scream.

I wanna try something new, I get on top of Austin and go to his cock and starts sucking it. He gives me a loud moan. I can feel him being hard as a rock and I continue to suck him off. He comes in my mouth and I lick his cock clean but I look at him while licking him. Austin tucks me to his face to make me look at him, I make him taste himself.

“You want me to ride you?” I sit on his stomach and says.

“Fuck yeah!” He says.

I start to ride him and fuck, his cock is so big when I’m riding him. We’re a moaning mess, I can feel his cum inside of me and I’m gonna get pregnant just by this fucking session we’re having.

Austin stops us, I give him a pouty face again.

“Sit on my face.” He says.

We make our way to his couch and I position myself in front him and he starts eating me out. I scream and grab onto his couch to make myself stay still. I think I came on his face but I couldn’t tell by his tongue in my pussy.

We stayed on the floor a good 30 minutes heavy breathing. That was the best sex I’ve ever gotten in my life.

“Wanna do that again?” Austin looks at me.

“If we have any energy to do it.” I look at him back.

We giggle together. He kisses my cheek.

“If I get pregnant will you support me?” I question him.

“Of course I will. You two or three will be living with me with the love and comfort you guys will ever need.” Austin says looking into my eyes.

He’s telling the truth.

I take a strand of his hair out of his face, he smiles at me, the most sweetest smile I’ve ever seen.

“God I’m so sore.” I say.

“I wonder why.” Austin grins.

I look at him but I giggle I can’t be mad at him.

“I love you Y/N/N.”

“I love you too Aus.”

[your-divine-ribs]

Ice Cold Part 27

Words: 2.4k

Lyla gets sent on her assignment to London…

Ice Cold Masterlist Main Masterlist

The not knowing was the worst thing. I tried to console myself with the fact that if anything had happened to Van the news would spread like wildfire within seconds. This was the most high profile case the agency had seen since the days of my father and Paul hunting down Tommy Chappell.

Any agent who was successful in bringing Van down would be hailed as a hero and the perks that would accompany that achievement would mean that my colleagues would now be relentlessly combing the city for him night and day. Their competitive natures likely turning a criminal investigation into something resembling a gruesome gameshow with them as the bloodthirsty contestants and Van as the ultimate prize. A cat and mouse game... except Van was no mouse. I had to believe in him. It was all I could do.

I leant my head against the train window, looking out as the scenery rushed past in a blur, trying to clear my mind but it was useless. I sighed and dug in my bag for my phone, bringing up Jen's number and placing a call.

She picked up immediately, launching straight into a detailed account of my predicament which further clouded my mood. "Lyla! Are you okay? Paul says you've been sent on some stake-out down in London. What the hell's all that about? I mean it's great news that they didn't suspend or fire you, but baby-sitting some rookie agent whilst we're all here desperately tracking Van? It seems crazy!"

"Yeah well... I think Whitman just wants me out of the way. Every time I come up against Van he just gets away. He probably thinks I've lost my touch."

"Not likely!" She replied. "You're the only one who's managed to get anywhere near him! Whitman's been down here in Paul's office all morning. I swear that man looks ill, his face was so red with rage this morning it wouldn't have surprised me if he'd had a heart attack on the spot."

"Wouldn't that be a shame!" I muttered, much to Jen's delight.

"Yeah, he's a fucking nightmare. Honestly, he's tearing strips off Paul in there. I can hear him shouting now. It's like he's holding him personally responsible that Van's still out there."

Her comment gave me hope. "So how's the search going anyway? Have you got any leads?"

"You haven't heard?" Jen's voice raised up an octave with excitement, causing my heart to skip a beat.

"What?" I breathed, my throat constricted with fear, choked with dread at what I might hear.

"You know that hit you foiled the night Jason got killed? Well that nightclub owner's body was found this morning at his house. His girlfriend went round and found him hanging from the light fitting. She was hysterical, thought he'd topped himself because of what they found."

"Well? Didn't he? And what did they find?" I was impatient to hear more, wondering if Van was involved.

"He was a fucking paedophile. There were all these photos of kids strewn everywhere. Like really sick, the worst kind. And he definitely didn't kill himself. His hands were tied. I tell you what Lyla, if this is Van's doing I'd personally like to shake his hand for this one."

My mind was reeling, trying to piece together why Van would be remotely bothered about carrying out a hit after he'd cut himself loose from the organisation. I'd have thought that he'd be laying low, keeping his head down, concentrating on staying out of sight and remaining alive.

"I don't get it," I wondered out loud. "Why would Van still be killing for them when he's on the run?"

There was a sound like Jen was letting out an exhale through pursed lips and I could picture her shaking her head, brow creased up in bewilderment. "That's just it. No one knows. Simon told you that this hit was supposed to be an execution for botching that cocaine shipment delivery didn't he? Maybe it's not even Van. It sure felt like him though. Do you know what I mean?"

I hummed in agreement. Having worked many crime scenes in my time as an experienced agent I picked up on these things. Little tells and nuances that wouldn't be noticed by the untrained eye. Even killers had their own style. Jen was still talking but I'd tuned out, theorising in my head, playing and re-playing the line Van had used last night.

"That's how revenge feels Lyla. It does feel good... it feels damn fucking good..."

But revenge... retribution... for what? It didn't make any sense. It all seemed so... disconnected.

"...then the police were called to that multi-storey car park right next to where you live last night..."

"What?" My attention was shifted instantly back to Jen as I caught her mid-sentence. "What was that?"

"Oh nothing important... I was just saying how Paul had me monitoring the police emergency call-outs last night. It was pretty quiet, just some car theft right near your apartment. You probably heard them. Honestly, three police vehicles called out just for someone nicking a car... and then they didn't even catch them... bloody useless..."

I stepped off the train at St Pancras station and let myself be swallowed up by the crowd. With Christmas only weeks away the London streets were busier than ever with people dashing to buy presents for loved ones, smiles on their faces and excited chatter. Seeing other people's lives flowing on whilst my own was in such a state of turmoil seemed almost surreal, the prospect of Christmas and New Year and all the associated pomp and festivities just seemed alien to me.

At least I had my freedom back, for once I wasn't being watched by George or any other agent. I found it quite curious that all of a sudden just because I'd been taken off the case I wasn't deemed to be a target anymore, but of course I didn't argue. The agency weren't to know that with Van always seemingly close by like some dark guardian angel, I was probably the safest agent of them all whilst I was on my home turf. Maybe not in London though.

I was to meet a newly qualified agent from the London team, Alex, at the hotel in Soho that I was staying at so I hopped into a black cab. No one had specifically said it, but it was obvious I was being expected to supervise on the job. Jen had hit the nail on the head when she'd mentioned 'baby-sitting'. I just hoped Alex wasn't going to turn out to be some fresh-faced, naive stickler for the rules. I'd seen so many churned out of the training programme, spouting legislation and excited to get their gun, then they'd go to pieces at their first murder scene. The first few months on the job either made you or broke you, and some just didn't have the guts for it.

I checked into the hotel, making my way to my room, not bothering to unpack my belongings as I delved into my bag for something to wear. I settled on jeans and a shirt. The last thing I wanted to do was wear something slutty and give Alex the wrong impression. I knew damn well that the whole of the London team had heard about mine and Scott's past hook-ups by now, and my experiences with Jason had made me more cautious about how people perceived me. It aggrieved me to even be thinking that way, but it was the unfortunate reality in this fucked up world, especially in the male dominated line of work that I was in.

I surveyed the hotel bar as I entered, and it was empty apart from a couple sat at the far end and a blonde woman perched on a bar stool at the bar. She turned and gave me a smile as I took my place next to her and I caught the bartender's eye, ordering a large, dry white wine.

I could feel the woman's eyes on me as I waited for my drink but I ignored her. I wasn't in the mood for making small-talk with strangers.

"I'll get this," she said as the bartender set my glass down in front of me.

I'd been digging in my bag for my purse but stopped immediately, raising my head, my gaze meeting a pair of large, beguiling green eyes framed by long lashes. Her glossy cherry red lips pulled into a smile with a hint of flirtation. A few months back I would have welcomed the attention, she was certainly gorgeous, but satisfying my sexual desires with a complete stranger was the furthest thing from my mind right then.

I shot her a smile that wasn't quite warm enough to be welcoming. "Actually... I'm meeting someone.... and I don't accept drinks from strangers."

I turned back to the bartender, handing over the cash, hoping the woman would get the message, but to my surprise she swivelled her body around in the stool until she was fully facing me.

"Well... don't be a stranger then," she said, a slight smirk emerging as she held out a perfectly manicured hand towards me.

I didn't have time for this. I took a deep breath, ready to unleash a cutting remark, but before I could do so she spoke again, stunning me.

"I'm Alex, pleased to meet you."

"Oh... I... errr... I thought..." I stumbled over my words.

"You thought I was going to be a man." She finished my sentence for me, snatching the words right out of my mouth.

I couldn't help but smile, nodding slowly. "You know I hate it when people make assumptions, and here I am doing it myself!"

I stretched out my hand to grasp hers, shaking it warmly. Her smile grew, showing pearly white teeth. She really was striking looking.

"It's okay, I get it all the time. I considered going by my birth name, Alexandra, but you know what? I kinda like it when people are surprised. It's like when people ask me what I do for a living now and I tell them, they're shocked. Maybe they think I should be working in a beauty salon or something! I'm sure you must get that too."

I found myself laughing. "Oh yes, the guys are the worst. I think they find it emasculating when they realise I could probably take them down without even raising a sweat! I'm Lyla by the way."

"Oh I know who you are... you're Lyla Keating. Everyone talks about you on the London team. Your reputation precedes you!"

She was smiling amiably as she spoke, but I felt myself bristling nevertheless. All I could think about were my sleazy encounters with Scott, made all the more scandalous now I'd found out that he'd been married at the time. I could imagine what was being said behind my back.

"Don't believe everything you hear," I said, turning away to take a sip of my wine.

"Oh it's all good," Alex said eagerly. "They say you're bad-ass actually!”

I'd just taken a swallow of wine and the laugh that bubbled up inside me burst forth. I practically sprayed a mouthful of wine over the bar. Alex was laughing as I coughed and spluttered, trying to compose myself.

"Bad-ass?" I managed.

"Come on, you're like my hero!" She giggled. "Some of the stories I've heard sound crazy but I know they're true. That time you took down that arms dealer in Berlin single handedly? And those two gun men in Paris? Not to mention fighting off Van fucking McCann... three times! You're a legend!"

Alex leant over and clinked the top of her beer bottle purposefully on my wine glass. I was enjoying this now, realising that I'd not laughed like this for a long time. It felt good.

"Four times..."

"Huh?"

"Four times," I repeated. "Van... I've... errr... fought him off four times."

Alex took a deep pull on her beer, shaking her head, grinning. "See what I mean? Bad-ass..."

Then her smile faltered a little. "I was... errr... sorry to hear about your partner getting killed though. That's rough."

The mention of Jason which would have caused clammy palms and a racing heart before now only caused a brief flicker of emotion to pass through me.

You're getting more like Van every day...

"Oh yeah, that was... hard. He wasn't actually my partner but it was still difficult."

Alex nodded earnestly, leaning into me. "I know all too well. I've only been in the job for a few months but I was partnered with Scott quite a bit before he was killed. He was such a good agent. He taught me so much, and he was a great guy... kind of a douche to women sometimes... but still a solid.... you know? He'd always have my back."

My recollections of Scott certainly weren't based on personality, more the physical side. He'd taken my preferences for the rougher side of sex and opened up my eyes to a whole new world of dark pleasures. I found myself tensing as Alex continued.

"He spoke very highly of you too. I mean I know everybody does, but Scott... you really made an impression on him..."

The corners of her painted lips twitched as if something had amused her. Some conversation that her and Scott had shared about our less than professional relationship no doubt. Christ... did everyone know what the two of us had been up to? So much for his promises of discretion. Still, curiosity got the better of me.

"Care to share?" I said, taking another mouthful of wine.

Alex's grin widened with that same seductive quality I'd glimpsed earlier, and she placed a hand on my thigh. "Oh... he said you were a fantastic shag!"

My wine slipped down too quickly, causing me to cough again. This girl was trouble, that was plain to see. Nevertheless I found myself being drawn in, my frustrations getting the better of me.

I quickly composed myself, fixing her with an even gaze, projecting a sensuality that came easily to me.

"What d'ya say to getting out of here?"

"I'll drink to that," Alex purred, tipping her head back and draining her bottle. "I know just the place."

[liminalmemories21]

LIM

27 or 38 please, your choice, and thank you

I am a Carlos is a cat person truther, and also firmly believe that Carlos deserves a pet he can cuddle.

He stops by the firehouse in the hopes that he can catch 20 minutes with his husband, and maybe also get fed something more interesting than the burnt coffee and stale donuts that are waiting for him at his desk at the precinct.

TK's not in evidence when he gets there, although Paul gestures at a pan of baked ziti oozing with so much cheese that he wonders how Paul snuck it past Owen.  Everyone in the room coughs and grins down at their plates when he asks where TK is.  Judd stuffs his mouth with a huge forkful of pasta and points towards the bunk room.  He gives them all suspicious looks and goes in search of his wayward husband.

He hears TK before he sees him.  "Aren't you just a goofy looking thing?  Yes, you are.  But that's okay, we're going to clean you up, and find you some food, and take you to the vet to make sure that you're all okay."  There's a pause, and he strains his ears to see if there's some kind of animal response that he can parse.  "Then I'm going to take you home with me.  Carlos is going to love you, yes he is.  How could he resist a face like that?"

He braces himself to step closer and see what TK is talking to, because the venn diagram of animals that TK finds adorable and the animals that Carlos thinks should be brought into the loft is almost vanishingly small.  He understands Marjan's intensely amused look better now, and wonders if it would have killed them all to give him a little warning on whatever it is he's about to walk into so he could marshal the appropriate arguments to try and say no to whatever wild animal TK wants to bring home now.

He's about to knock on the door to let TK know he's there, when TK starts talking again.  "Oh hello, hi yes, that's my finger.  Thank you, that's very sweet.  Carlos is going to love you.  He won't admit it, but he's got a soft spot for strays.  He took me in, didn't he?  Fed me, and loved me, and gave me a home."  There's a faint thread of amusement in TK's voice.  "Let me sleep in his bed.  I bet he'll let you sleep in our bed too, although I'm calling shotgun because I was here first."

He clears his throat and TK's head pops up from behind one of the bunks, where he's clearly sitting on the floor.  "Hey baby."  He doesn't even have the decency to look guilty about whatever pet he's about to sweet talk Carlos into taking home.  He wonders, not for the first time, how Gwyn and Owen had held the line on no pets for TK's entire childhood.

He comes further into the room, and already knows he's going to say yes to whatever animal TK has been talking to, because how can he not after that?  "Do I want to ask who you've been talking to?"

TK flushes. "You heard that?"  He nods, and takes a cautious step closer, peering down into TK's lap.  All he sees is a towel for a moment, and then a bedraggled orange head pops up, and a wobbly kitten pushes up on TK's leg, turning it's head and peering past Carlos.  Closer he can see that the kitten is slightly cross eyed and when it scrambles up TK's leg one of it's legs is shorter than the others so it sort of hops as it climbs.

"TK," he says warningly.

TK gives him a dazzling smile and holds the kitten up towards him.  "We gave him a flea bath already, and I have an appointment to take him to the vet tomorrow.  Isn't he sweet?  You wanted a pet you could pet, and I know you're never going to let Lou sit on your lap." 

He shudders.   The kitten blinks at him, and with a sigh he reaches out to stroke a finger down it's head and scritch behind it's ear.  The kitten leans into him so ecstatically it almost falls over.  "Do I want to ask where you found this cat?"

TK considers.  "No?"

He sighs.  "Just tell me it wasn't eating something that's going to give me nightmares."

TK snorts and the kitten gives him an affronted look and stretches out a paw to Carlos, hooking tiny claws into his shirt and climbing up to his shoulder before he can stop it.  TK's grin could light Manhattan. "I think he likes you, babe." Looks at Carlos's face.  "I promise, the only thing she was eating was leftovers out of the dumpster, this is not a man eating cat." 

Carlos strokes the kitten's back and feels a tiny rumble of a purr, and gives in to the inevitable.  "Does she have a name?"

TK shakes his head.  "Honor is all yours babe."

The kitten is still clinging to his shoulder when they go back out to the kitchen to eat lunch.  He looks around the room at the smug smiles the 126 is sporting.  "Did anyone take the bet that we wouldn't be going home with Miss Clementine?"

Everyone shakes their head, and Paul pats him on the back. "Sorry man, but TK opens his big eyes and looks at you, we all know you're saying yes."  He scritches the kitten's head.  "'sides, she's a cute little thing.  Goofy looking, but cute."

(https://pixels.com/featured/marmalade-kitten-nature-watch-debra-hall.html)

[panelshowsource]

ok i finally listened and i watched taskmaster nz series 2...8 times

and i'm ready to offer my reaction & thoughts but please understand this is over 3000 words (which means it is too long to proofread) and it is so bc i do not know how to be concise but also bc i decided to a PROPER brain dump so if you like reading this kind of thing enjoy and if you don't do not click keep reading!!!

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS WORD VOMIT INCOMING

i KNOW what i said. i KNOW i said i'd kinda watched s1 of taskmaster nz and it was okay and jeremy and paul were okay and guy william's outfit scarred me for life but all in all it was okay, and i can't say nz humour (which, and i stand by this, is a bit monotonous) is my fave, and i wasn't that excited about watching international taskmasters in general so i wasn't prioritising it. i know what i said!!!!!!!!!

but

i did what i was told incessantly to do and i watched taskmaster nz series 2. it's...it is. it is what everyone said it is. it's fucking hilarious. it's so good. it's one of it not the example of a perfect cast with perfect energy and synergy and banter and friendship and competition. everyone tried so hard and succeeded and failed in their own hilarious ways. the tasks are half-original, kinda-inspired (if not appropriated), simple even when they're cerebral, and very core-of-taskmaster-y. CHEF'S KISS — by tm nz standards

i watched the entire series...8 times? i have A LOT of opinions and i wasn't gonna get into all of them because i don't love to debate and am scared of being roasted lmao, but i'm being brave!!

BUCKLE UP FOR MY BRAIN

➜ imo there is no standout contestant, it's a matter of taste and they're GREAT, but all in all i think the season wouldn't have a single chance of being what it was — in its total chaos, moments of innocence, moments of genuine friendship — without david correos, who was more or less the heart of the season. it's very obvious and very cute he is friends with paul, laura, and guy irl (guy mentioned their team is actually in an improv group together he's very close to laura and presumably david), and real-life friendships bring out a series panel's comfortable dynamic much faster than if they're meeting for the first time. and on that note —

➜ as much as i enjoy non-comedians on the show, especially when they're people i really like, the cold hard truth is that the very very very best series of taskmaster are comedian-only lineups. pls do not come into my inbox rn with your recency bias and yell about s16 this is a dead serious, studied fact: series 1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 9 (i am excluding recent-ish series because legacy takes time to establish itself but imo 12–14 were very strong) being the epitome of tm, it's not a coincidence these lineups are more or less ALL standup comedians (richard osman gets a pass for producing cats does countdown and being, arguably, the ultimate comedy superfan). a big reason for this is that non-comedians — and they almost always admit this, in interviews or on the podcast — are very aware that they're out of their element, are the odd ones out, feel the additional responsibility of having to find their place and suss out the dynamic and be funny and fit in. sometimes they're not really that funny and it is what it is (and it's the show's job to edit them and encourage them in a way that will = entertainment; they know what they're signing up for, or the risk of them not fitting in well, when they cast these people). other times, it's not that they're not funny or capable, but that these overwhelming feelings hold them back: they don't pipe up, they don't speak when it's not their turn, they don't challenge greg or the other contestants, they don't fight, they don't tease. yes, when it's their turns to speak, they're often silly and fun, and when they do the tasks, they're often silly and fun, but they just don't hit their comedic potential — because they don't know how or they don't let themselves try. very understandable! it's very intimidating being on TASKMASTER with PROFESSIONAL FUNNY PEOPLE including GREG AND ALEX who are LEGENDS. but the best thing about comedian contestants other than their comedy is that they want spotlight and they want to be the centres of attention and they will take risks, so they (usually) make the most of their time, whether it's the recorded tasks or in the studio. THE POINT, IF I MAY BRING IT BACK, BEING TASKMASTER NZ SERIES 2 — matt heath not being a standup but being 1) an extrovert, 2) your standard entertainment industry attention seeker, and 3) very good friends with jeremy means we didn't get these obstacles from him. if anything, he was more relaxed and game than everyone else in the room at the start of episode 1 because he is already in the accepted graces of the literal taskmaster. he tried really hard, he fought hard, he teased hard, he laughed a lot. i get that being a funny guy radio dj may not seem that different to being a comedian, but it is, and he was SO good! —and every contestant who is a friend of a taskmaster is always good, that's another studied conclusion

➜ why was david naked all the time lmfaooo body positive KING his haircut is also adorable. speaking of a lack of clothes guy's shorts length was lovely for the eyes

➜ momentary disgression: i'm SO interested in the story david told on the podcast about russell howard going to one of his shows and then, like, immediately leaving as fast as possible when it was over because he cringed to death or was scandalised or something—imo it wasn't very clear just what david was implying russell said/felt and i'm really curious. if anyone has insight into this pls send it to me

➜ i don't think jeremy or paul get much better than season 1 and ultimately they're both just okay, and they will always be what holds tm nz back from reaching tm uk-levels of god-tier tm. i know a lot of people will like paul because he's attractive and he is friends with rose (and others) and from time to time he is amusing. sometimes that's all it takes, and if that's all it takes for you, that is well and nice. but...personally...i can't get over how QUIET paul is...alex isn't half as quiet as paul, very often asking questions throughout the tasks and making little passive-aggressive comments at someone's effort or even just looking at the camera...paul is so often just there doing and saying absolutely nothing, EVEN when he's involved in the task, and a healthy 60% of the time he's asked a question he does a very forced deadpan "okay" that just...like it's not funny — it doesn't hit that comedic beat — after the first hundred times. he may just not be a lightning quick improv kinda guy, and i think the inherent one-dimensionalness of his character hinders him, but idk he could offer SO much more during the tasks, especially when he already has a good irl dynamic with so many of them. there are times, during the tasks, he could just not be there. i also don't necessarily understand his character in that during the tasks he's exceptionally shy/reserved to the point of being mostly silent but then in the studio will pipe up and act "normal" in a way that seems like the real paul and not the character paul. idk. i just think...why isn't he more present and also more consistent. (and i'm gonna say something controversial here but i also watched guy mont spelling bee and paul was not very funny on that — again, quiet — and i think the truth is he might be a little boring at times. i said it. im sorry to everyone :() i think this is a common criticism of jeremy but i will agree that, while i do like him especially when he actually lets himself be silly and banter-y, it is BEYOND ME how he just flies through the prize tasks and the scoring. the prize task is practically show and tell with no comment at all from jeremy instead of a dialogue between the contestants and the taskmaster, and then half the time jeremy doesn't explain his scoring for anything. often i'm left thinking "how could someone show up with this bone-shakingly good prize and jeremy just nods and smiles and goes 'okay who's next'?" and maybe it's not jeremy, maybe it's the editors, but it drives me INSANE when that happens. greg would spend the whole hour going over the prize tasks if he could, just cuz he loves the banter and ragging on people — and the show is noticeably weaker when the banter is lost. hence my issue with, to bring it back around, banter-avoidant paul. (also sorry if it's annoying when i compare taksmaster uk and taskmaster nz, i don't mean to do it tooooo much but it's unavoidable at times, pls understand...) (also, i'm saying all of this without even commenting on the actual dynamic between the taskmaster and his assistant, but i'm not gonna touch that — despite the fact the greg/alex dynamic is the heart of tm and what every single contestant ever praises most about the show.) SO i do think the series having matt for jeremy and david (at least) for paul did help encourage them in being funnier than they may have been otherwise. (was guy williams being on series 1 why paul was..idk...like he was...on series 1? i also recently learned a lot of people don't like guy williams lmao very interesting...)

➜ it's hilarious to me that jeremy is OBSESSED with sports and greg LOATHES sports (except the darts lmfao)

➜ ngl i have always wondered why taskmaster uk didn't use their increased budget to do, like, 10% more landscaping — i get not wanting to make the place look TOO manicured but would it really kill them to just fix the cracks in the driveway? idk — but then i watch nz and do feel like it's a little too much of a set hahahah but i like the outdoors they really have a nice big yard to play in (the sewage ("legally it's not ☝️") pond is a choice tho...)

➜ i read about 100 reddit threads about te reo māori, how prevalent it is in school and culture, how many people speak it or even want to speak it, its roots, its appropriations — and the majority of new zealanders said they don't really care about it, it's not actual practical in the way chinese or german or whatever is, they don't think it should be mandatory in schools over other languages, etc. i found these reactions 1) mildly suspicious but idk how conservative the nz sub is but also 2) really surprising! BECAUSE there is WAY more te reo in the every day language of, at least, the new zealand convo i have witnessed on a few nz panel shows than i think they realise. the ones i've heard the most are a few different greeting lines to open episodes, pākehā, whanau, and kai, but there are TONS of te reo words and phrases sprinkled into everyday language and i felt like i was googling so much (even if the meanings were relatively obvious from the contexts). very interesting! off the back of that i had absolutely no idea people in new zealand said "en zed" to refer to nz in any capacity but it makes sense i just never thought about it before

➜ something i adored about the series — that we see less and less of each series from series 1 of tm uk — is editing in reactions from the panel in the studio while they're watching the task vt. it's HILARIOUS watching, say, tm uk s1 and seeing romesh smacking tim on the back, josh pointing fingers, roisin with her hands in her head, etc in real time as they're watching the tasks for the first time. editing this way also helps express the group friendship and harmony, which is so important to a successful season. tm uk NEVER does this anymore and it's one of my biggest criticisms of the show — but this series of tm nz did it so much and it was HILARIOUS watching the panel falling all over each other laughing at everything. they're so goofy

➜ the fake paul with the moustache was, in fact, a dish, whoever he is congrats on being hot

➜ very random moments i liked:

"you think she's doing great things for women in those boots? 🤨💅"

it was so underrated that guy's idea to transform a room was to turn it into a farm and he had people in animal costumes being sheep or whatever that shit was HILARIOUS

matt ziptying a brush to a helmet to look like an ancient roman cracked me up so hard "husband to a murdered child" ??? smh

when laura was trying to rope the cameramen into american pie-ing her wedding cake and paul went "don't ask them...because one of them WILL do it"

"a tongue kiss with an extra 10%? i'm not sure—" "10% extra, maybe thumb up bum" ????

matt forgetting his hometown and saying "i was born in oxford in england! i forgot… that was fucking ages ago!"

"because david eats something doesn't make it food :|"

"this reminds me of my mother's music group ...i hated every one of those bitches" like?? LMAO i NEED the story behind this comment

"one is south african, one is filipino...but they both like their balls...swiss"

"i'm fairly certain i'm not gonna crush this challenge, but i know at some point you and i are gonna box and/or wrestle, and i'm gonna crush that one"

matt being so serious that his dream animal is a horse

"i probably won’t even need the other food colouring but how good is it not to have paul in the room?"

why was jeremy so into those urinal cakes?? like okay jeremy hmm

every time jeremy and urzila flirted

when paul was convincing laura to go through with the sabotage and they agreed david probably wouldn't fuck over his team but guy definitely would lmfao

"tell me a little about yourself" "i'm paul" "...interesting. i love that about you"

it's hard to top david and guy being actually naked for the tie task but i actually think guy's farmer's tan stole the show

when guy was looking for paul in the rain and said "the irony is if paul was here we could talk about this weather, he loves that sort of shit" LMAO

urzila being the ghost of abe lincoln was actually genius and she deserved more flowers for that lateral thinking

♪im gonna gonna drown you / in your own blood♪ why is that so catchy?? "matt matt run him over like a cat" "david you shouldnt run over cats" but fr during the diss track task when matt said he was gonna eat their asses and also while they were dissing guy matt went "he's good looking though" 💀

in the secret shoelace task david said "i take solace in knowing that everyone else has go through this as well" was like a fucking mirror of the time josh widdicombe did a secret task and was like "i'm not the one who has to watch this five times" hahahaha also when they had so much time to kill paul was just reading the entire story of rumpelstiltskin please

when guy realised, during the milk/microwave task, that he should have listened to paul and like angrily laughed "i'm furious! i'm furious with everyone! this is a disaster!" you don't see that side of him often and it was so funny

➜ regardless of whether these yielded funny results (they did anyways of course), these were most of my favourite ideas for tasks:

transform this room when the lights go out

shoot a chocolate fish into the fishbowl and say the name of a different animal with each shot, most powerful animal wins

create a diss track about the members of the other team

the fucking abe lincoln one

the milk/microwave task (hilarious on both tm nz and tm uk)

also i personally want to play the celebrity name game from that one live task

➜ all in all the series had quite a few very simple tasks — build a tower of onions, squirt the sunscreen, fly, make the loudest noise — and that's something i really cherish and appreciate and feel is at the heart of what taskmaster is all about. i'd say tm nz, being in its baby era, is able to get away with having a lot more simple, straightforward tasks, which are far superior to some of the incredibly convoluted ones we see on tm uk. i see people say alllllll the timeeeeeee "it's not the tasks that matter it's how to contestants react to them + the editing" but i do not agree — plenty of tasks are duds because they are duds and not because everyone else failed to find the entertainment value in them. i would love to see tm uk work harder to bring the tasks back down in scale and convolution bc tm nz has been able to come up with quite a few that have never been done before so i know they can too

➜ something else this series does VERY well is little morsels on top of the established format: laura's sabotage, the brussell sprouts that kept floating throughout other tasks and then appear in another task!!!, paul and david's trip to christchurch, laura rounding up their girlfriends, the shoelace secret task, paul lying and fucking with the magnet, the crew "accidentally" (though i do believe it was an accident idk if we'll ever know) turning the lights off on david, even the abe lincoln task that took place outside of the taskmaster ranch — all of these things contributed to the format being more than just task/score, task/score, task/score. they felt like little cherries on top, extra content, at times extra suspense. felt like every episode had something a little extra funny in this way. very impressed by this stuff!

➜ task complaints:

alex has talked before about one of the central concerns of post-production being the ordering of the tasks and particularly choosing the very first task they show, which sets the stage for the panel. i actually feel like this series didn't do a good job in choosing their very first task, which surprises me bc that seems like an easy thing to get right with this series' group + task lineup. not a big deal but something to consider!

in the live task when they had to choose a weapon and half something (which i LOVE the idea of), it bothered me that they didn't measure by percentage and instead by actual kilo

is it just me or does tm nz feel like it sends a LOT of balloons into the air? have they ever specifically confirmed they retrieve all of the balloons they let go? ngl the amount of balloons they send off + the amount of food waste can sometimes be distracting

the piggy bank live task was totally fucked like the length of time it look paul to get the pictures of the piggies to jeremy was ridiculous and heavily disadvantaged everyone — and they didn't even show us all the piggie drawings????? HELLO I WANNA SEE THE PIGGIES??

jeremy giving guy's new zealand pillow 3 points was the worst scoring decision of the series

frankly it was GROSS when david sucked all of the room temperature tomato juice cans. but one thing i've noticed is — it may be a me problem? maybe an american problem bc we don't eat beans the way brits do? do nzers eat beans on toast? anyways — when it comes to people licking/eating cold/room temp canned goods. because i can name 10 different times i've seen contestants lick baked bean juice or spaghetti hoop sauce off their fingers and i just cannot imagine eating those things in any amount not heated up. cold bean juice? BLEGH

okay i'll wrap this up now because i wrote an incoherent outline of a thesis on this series but it was FUN as HECK and i'm so happy that funny people get to enjoy the legacy of a fan favourite series (on the tm podcast, guy seemed to take a lot of pride in this when ed mentioned it<3) and i like them all and i wish they would come back and do another 10 episodes. paul if ur reading this make it happen

[tinytinyblogs]

Every Day, Every Moment

(🎵Song Fic) Paul Kim - Every Day, Every Moment (OST Should We Kiss First Pt.3)

Guardian angel!Hongjoong

Ateez Masterlist here

Will I be able to smile without you?

Just thinking about it makes me cry

He gripped your hand tightly, as if he was afraid that you would disappear. You could feel the wind caressing your pale skin and blowing your hair loose. "Joong, are you okay?" you asked softly. He nodded, but didn't say anything. He chose to remain silent in response to your simple question. The question made him think more deeply about whether he was really okay. He didn't even know if he was ready to be all good now. He knew he shouldn't fall for you.

You and he are different, but he couldn't help himself. Every move he made was a mistake. He shouldn't have sat next to you like that. He shouldn't have held your hand like that. And he definitely shouldn't have fallen in love with you like that. He was only supposed to protect you, not fall for you. Why did it have to be so complicated?

The person who protected me throughout my hard times

Now I will protect you

"Hey, Joong, are you my guardian angel? You're always there to protect me." You laughed at your own joke, but Hongjoong didn't find it funny. He stood there in silence, frozen in place. He thought you knew the real him, the one he had never told you about. It's funny how when he came into your life, it wasn't always him protecting you. You changed him too. You filled his empty heart, made his heart beat again, and made him feel again. He became a better person for himself because of you. He saw you grow from a school student into a beautiful and accomplished woman, and everything you did was mesmerizing to him.

He knows he should face the consequences of his actions, but he can't bring himself to leave you. He doesn't want to leave you alone in this cruel world and let anyone hurt your pure soul. He is scared of losing you, and he knows that tears are a sign of pain. He would do anything to keep you happy, even if it means hiding his own fears and insecurities.

Your embrace was always warm

Hongjoong held you close under his arm, feeling the warmth of your body and the softness of your embrace. Your angelic smile made him feel safe and secure, and your hug was his favorite thing in the world. It erased all the distance between them and made it feel like time had stopped. He sometimes wished he could stop time altogether, just so he could keep holding you close forever.

He loved every moment with you, every little detail about you, and every single thing he could do with you. He loved you completely. He fell so hard for you that he was completely lost in his love for you. He knew that it was bad for him, but he couldn't help himself. Love could be so hard, and sometimes it could be a mistake. But for him, loving you was the one big mistake that he enjoyed the most.

It was my only resting place at the end of my long days

Seonghwa sipped his tea, enjoying his afternoon tea time. "You shouldn't do that," he said, even though he knew Hongjoong already knew. Hongjoong just played with his fingers, letting his mind wander aimlessly. He didn't need Seonghwa to remind him again and again that he shouldn't love you.

Seonghwa said, "God will call you back, and I'm afraid you'll never be able to go back to Earth again." Hongjoong took a deep breath, but Seonghwa's words made it even harder for him to breathe. He tried to calm himself down, but it was suffocating. He was trying so hard to think of a way out, to think of what he should do, to think of how he could get out of this situation.

Hongjoong admired you from head to toe as he walked back to you after talking to Seonghwa. Your perfect figure made him smile, but he saw the pain in your eyes when you saw him. He couldn't help but smile back, even though he knew that you were hurting. He realized that you were his home, and he was afraid of losing you.

You alone are enough for me

Because there’s no need for words, I know by your eyes

You couldn't help but whisper "So beautiful" under your breath as you admired the person in front of you. You felt Hongjoong's hand on your waist pull you closer, and he whispered in your ear, "But you are the most beautiful human in this world, y/n." You turned to look at him, meeting his eyes that were already on you.

"I wish you could see yourself the way I see you," he said, his eyes filled with love. "You are perfect to me in every way." You felt your heart pounding as you melted into his gaze. You knew he meant every word, and it made you feel so special. He was so lucky to be able to hold you and admire you every day.

Flowers bloom and wither

Every day, every moment, let’s be together

He stood there in silence, feeling dwarfed by the vastness of the space around him. He knew this day would come eventually, but he was not ready to face it. He locked eyes with the God before him, but he could not think or speak. He felt small and insignificant, and he was filled with a sense of awe and dread. "You've broken the rules," Hongjoong closing his eyes and letting the pain wash over him. He could feel his heart shattering into a thousand pieces, and he knew there was nothing he could do to stop it. He nodded his head in resignation, knowing that he was guilty. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, his voice barely above a whisper. But everyone could hear him, and they could all see how broken he was.

"Explain yourself," God said. "Tell me why you did it, knowing that guardian angels are not supposed to interfere in human affairs or fall in love with them." Hongjoong listened to every word God said, and he knew that God was right. It was the same question he had asked himself many times, the same question Seonghwa had asked him every time they talked about it. It was like asking why he had fallen in love with you, even though it meant that he could lose his wings. But he had his reasons, a thousand reasons why he would give his whole world for you.

They were shining like the sun

Your eyes when you looked at me

I was so happy I thought it was a dream

Each moment was so dazzling

The memory of you played like a movie in his mind, and he didn't mind. He loved that memory, and he loved to see it again and again. He always had a cute smile on his face when he thought of you. "If you ask me why, I can't give you a reason. It just happened," he said. "I don't understand why love is seen as a sin, but I'm aware of what I'm doing. And even if you force me to let you go, I can't. Everything just feels so right, even though I'm doing the wrong thing. The way y/n make me feel is better than anything I've ever felt before. I can't give you the reason you want me to give you."

Hongjoong's eyes were watery as he began to speak, and God could see the tears welling up in them. "Can't I just be with y/n? I've never asked you for anything before," he said, his voice cracking. "I've always done everything I'm supposed to do, and I've always done it in silence. This is the only thing I want." He had never asked for anything else in his life as a guardian angel. He had always walked in silence, never asking for anything, never complaining. But this was the one thing he wanted, even if it seemed impossible.

In my anxious and suffering life

You came to me like a ray of light and made me smile

You didn't know how you could have survived a day without Hongjoong by your side. Everything was a mess, and you didn't have anyone to rely on. You didn't know where he was, and you were starting to get worried. You had met him out of nowhere, and he had no friends or family that you knew of. Suddenly, you felt someone tap your shoulder. You turned around and saw a man with an angelic figure standing behind you. He smiled at you and said, "He'll be okay. Don't worry about him so much. You should get going with whatever you do. He needs a moment before he can really be here with you."

You turned to face him properly. "Do you know Hongjoong?" you asked. He hummed in response. "He is my friend," he said. "My name is Seonghwa. Hongjoong is in a place that you can't reach right now, but don't worry. He will come back to you. He only cares about you." You savored every word that Seonghwa said, but you couldn't help but feel uneasy. "What is he?" you asked. "What are you? He sometimes doesn't seem like a normal human. Based on what you're saying, is he in trouble?"

"We are guardian angels," Seonghwa said. "Our job is to protect humans. But Hongjoong has broken the rules. He has fallen in love with the one he is supposed to protect." You looked down at your shoes, on the ground, everywhere your eyes could lay on. You felt like your mind had stopped working. All of this was so hard to believe

Seonghwa could see the sadness in your eyes, and he knew that Hongjoong would feel the same way. "I don't know how dealing with God will be," he said, "but I really think he will be alright. Just be strong for him." He placed his hand on your shoulder and slowly patted it, trying to reassure you that everything would be okay.

The future is unknown

But each moment of being in your arms

I wish it would last forever

Hongjoong had lost count of how long he had been up there, how long he had been away from you. He knew that he had to face the consequences of his actions, but he couldn't help but wonder what was happening to you, what you were doing. He couldn't get you out of his mind. "I don't think keeping you here will make you change your mind, Hongjoong," God said. Hongjoong closed the book in his hand and placed it back on the table. He stood up to greet God, who was coming closer. "I will give you an option," God said.

"I never said that love is a sin," God said, looking at Hongjoong's beautiful white wings. "But you living in a different world with humans can only lead to heartbreak." God paused, admiring Hongjoong's wings for a moment. "You can either lose your wings and become a normal human, or you can stay here in your eternal life, but you will never see your loved one again."

Hongjoong looked at his beautiful white wings, shining brightly. He knew that he was one of the most beautiful angels, but all he cared about was you. "It's an honor to be here, to be a guardian angel, but I want to be with my loved one." he said. "Being human means you feel all the things they feel Sickness, sadness, dying, and everything else that happens in human life." God said. "I know," Hongjoong said. "But I'm willing to take that chance. I want to be with y/n, no matter what."

I’ll go to you when the breeze feels nice

I’ll go to you on sunny days

Just like the day you first came to me

Every day, every moment, let’s be together

"Hongjoong," you whispered, tears welling up in your eyes as you saw his figure sitting on your apartment sofa. You had almost forgotten the smile that had lit up his face, and you were so glad to see it again. He stood up and walked over to you, wrapping his arms around you in a warm hug. "I'm so sorry," you mumbled into his chest.

"It's not your fault," you said, breaking the hug. You looked into his eyes, the beautiful eyes that had always stared at you with so much love. You couldn't help but blame yourself for his absence. "But-" he started to say, but you hushed him with a kiss. "We can't control love," he said, his lips still pressed against yours. "And the feeling we have for each other is not your fault. I chose to come back here because I want to be with you."

"I don't regret my decision, y/n." he said. "I want to be with you every day and every moment. Even though I'm no longer your guardian angel, I will still protect you from everything. I love you."

[soaringeag1e]

Escape {62}

Detective!Dean x Victim!Reader

Warnings: Language, Guilt, Yelling, Emotional

Words: 1,841

Series Masterlist - Main Masterlist - Patreon

"I shouldn't have done it." Sam tosses his salad together while listening to his brother continue to beat himself up over what had happened with you. "I knew it. I knew it was going to upset her and I should have just let it go." 

"You need to stop." Dean seems to ignore him as he grabs a lime from the little bowl the waitress gave them and squeezes it over his tacos. "It was a good idea, Dean, and you know damn well that if it were anyone else you would have done the same thing." 

"But that's just the thing, this wasn't someone else. This was Y/N. The woman that I'm going to marry. The same woman that I swore I'd protect from any more harm, and it turns out that I can't even protect her from myself."

"She'll be fine." Sam tries to convince him for the hundredth time. "I'm sure her and Sarah are becoming stress free as we speak. A girls day at the spa should do her good."

"I hope you're right."

-

Sarah was beaming as she watched the woman at her feet do her nails. The color was just as gorgeous as it was on the shelf and she was glad that she went with it. But when she looked over at you to see if you were enjoying yourself, she could tell by the look on your face that your mind was elsewhere and she didn’t need too many guesses as to where that was.

“You know what we should do after this?” she asks with a pep in her voice. You turn to look at her, but say nothing as you wait to hear her idea. “We should get coffee. A nice warm latte sounds really good right now.”

“Okay.” Your reply lacks excitement but what hurts Sarah more is the sadness that lingers over you. Even during your massage your body seemed to fight against its effects. She really thought this would help you relax, but it was looking like a big fail.

“What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know.” you reply quietly, your eyes focusing on your painted toes though Sarah is convinced that your thoughts haven’t been on this trip to the spa the entire time.

“I really wish you would stop beating yourself up about this, sweetie.”

“How could I not?” you say with an emotional tone. “I should have done the interview.”

“No, you shouldn’t have.” Sarah stresses, shifting in her chair but careful not to move her feet too much. “Y/N, you did the right thing. You did what was best for you.” 

“But that’s just it, I was being selfish.” you whimper, desperately trying to hold in your emotions. “The man that’s responsible for everything that happened to me and those other girls is still out there and instead of helping capture him…I ran away.” Sarah looks at you with sympathy, wishing like everyone else that she could take away your pain. “What if he hurts someone else? That’s on me.” 

“No. Y/N…no, it isn’t on you.”

“Yes it is! He’s out there, free roaming because I was too chicken to do anything about it.”

“Listen to me,” Sarah begins, her voice firm. “None of this is on you, okay? None of it. Everything that asshole has done is on him and him only, you understand me?” Even when she sees a tear slip from your eye she doesn’t let up on her hard gaze with you. “But either way, this guy is a five star dickbag. He doesn’t do any of the dirty work himself.” she adds before sitting back in her chair, briefly looking to her newly painted toes to see the woman finishing up on her artistic touch.

“Dean thinks he’s the one who was at my house.”

“Well, even so, he doesn’t do anything like that unless he has a fall guy. At least that’s what the guys told me. He had Paul as his fall guy for you and all those other girls and he had Norman back with Cassie, so…” Sarah shakes her head, letting out a sigh as if she was trying to release the vibe this conversation was creating. “I’m sure he’s laying low right now and to find someone you trust enough to do the things he does? That in itself will take time. So, I think it’s safe to say that we don’t have to worry about him hurting anyone for a while.'' She huffs at the end of her sentence and lounges back in her seat as if she’s on a beach somewhere enjoying the sun rays on her skin.

It’s quiet between the two of you, but Sarah doesn’t think anything of it. Now only if she looked over at you at some point would she know that something wasn’t right.

“What did you say?” She wasn’t aware of what was wrong yet, but her stomach still flipped at the tone of your voice. After looking your way, Sarah takes a second to go over everything she just told you, trying to think of what you could be asking of her.

“We don’t have to worry about him doing anything?” she questions, still not sure what she said that’s gotten to you.

“No.” Your head shakes in short, stiff movements and your eyes never leave hers. “No. The thing about Cassie.” It doesn’t register right away, but after she thinks back to what she said and sees the distraught look on your face, it finally comes together.

“Dean didn’t tell you?” It was obvious, but the question came out anyway. 

You were quiet, but Sarah could see there were fires bursting out everywhere in your head. Your breathing became a bit heavier, your eyes were darting around as if you were looking for the closest exit and she honestly was afraid that you were going to get sick.

“I’m sorry. I thought that he told you, I didn’t…” Before she can come up with anything else to say, you slipped from your seat, not caring if your toes were dry or not. “Y/N?” There was no stopping you. You were on a mission and she could see that. “Y/N!” Despite the fact that she spent a good chunk of cash on the spa day and her new painted toes, Sarah quickly jumps out of her chair and rushes after you, cursing under her breath the entire way out of the building.

-

“I saw the pictures of the venue.” As Dean comes out of the kitchen Sam takes the beer that his brother hands him. “Looks nice.”

“It is. That’s all Y/N though. She found it in one of those books she got. Never even knew that place existed.” Popping the top of his bottle, Dean then takes a quick swig before tossing the top on the table.

“Did you know of any of the venues existing?” Sam gets his brother's annoyed glare for making the comment, but it makes him chuckle anyway. 

“Shut up, Sam.” The youngest brother laughs a bit more as the two move into the living room, both taking a seat on the couch. 

“So, what’s the date again? I can’t remember what Sarah said.”

“October third.”

“That’ll be pretty.”

“Yeah.” Dean smiles fondly. “It’s what she wants and I think it’s perfect. For one, I won’t have to stand up at the altar in scorching hot temperatures.” The two share a light laugh before taking another drink of their beers, but before they can pull the bottles away from their mouths the front door flies open, grabbing their attention instantly.

Dean almost chokes down his beer when he sees you storm in, the fact that your eyes are filled with fire and you seem to be on the verge of either throwing something or breaking down in tears immediately puts him on edge.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know that you didn’t…” Sarah yells into the house when she knows she can’t beat you inside, but even then, you cut her off when you lock eyes with Dean.

“Why didn’t you tell me!?” Sarah finally makes it alongside you, slightly out of breath as she was rushing after you this whole time.

“Tell you what?” Dean asks, clearly confused.

“About Cassie!” Still confused, Dean looks between you and Sarah, his shoulders beginning to raise when you scream at him again. “Why didn’t you tell me that he hurt Cassie too!?” When it registers, Sam’s gaze drops from the girls and he glances at his brother.

“Maybe we should take off.”

“No! You knew this too!” Getting the heat from you stops Sam from getting up from the couch. Sarah mouths an ‘I’m sorry’ towards the guys but keeps in her spot. “Why didn’t any of you tell me?” your voice comes down in volume but the hurt you’re feeling seems to get worse. “Did you not trust me or something?”

“No.” Dean tells you as he stands from the couch and makes his way across the room. “No, honey, that’s not it.”

“Then why? If you told me then I would have…”

“Done the interview.” he states, wiping away a stray tear before you even realize you’re crying. “I know.” Sarah sneaks around the back of the couch, heading over to join her husband while the two of you have your moment. “That’s why I didn’t tell you.”

“But, Dean, I…”

“I didn’t want you to feel obligated to do it, Y/N, and I know that if I told you about the connection he has with Cassie then you would have jumped into it without thinking about the repercussions it would have had on you.” Knowing that he was speaking the truth, you weren’t really sure what to say.

“But…you’ve been looking for him for so long.”

“Doesn’t matter.” he tells you, a soft smile gracing his lips. “The good thing about all this, is whoever this guy is clearly lives in town and has for a while now. I will get him and I don’t need you hurting yourself to help me.”

“But I want to help you.”

“I know. But what I need you to do is to do what's best for you, not for me.”

“That’s what I told her.” Sarah mutters, getting both you and Dean to look over at the couple sitting semi quietly on the couch. “What? I did.” Sam smiles at his wife and lightly pats her on the thigh.

“But I love you.” you tell Dean when he turns back to you. “And I’m supposed to care about what’s best for you.”

“I know.” he says, his fingers brushing against your cheek as they go back into your hair. “But I don’t want you worrying about this, okay?”

“You know that’s impossible, right?” Dean chuckles a bit, understanding that your statement was meant to be a joke despite the truth behind it and then pulls you in for a hug.

“Yeah, I know.”

[twoidiotwriters1]

Daughter of Olympus (Leo Valdez xFem!Oc)

A/N: Three chapters left! We take a break from sad and I give you fluffy instead -Danny Words: 2,187 Series' Masterlist Previous Chapter / Next Chapter Listen to: 'Hardwired' -by Hailey Knox

XL: Teenage Boy Experiences Worst Nightmare (Meeting His Girlfriend's Dad)

Leo doesn't see Ara as much as he would want to. He's working nonstop, and Ara's responsibilities go beyond just overseeing the Argo II's progress.

She handles disputes, trains the campers, holds meetings... That's why, when she asks a second time if he'd like to visit her on Valentine's Day, Leo doesn't think twice before giving her an answer.

He's scared shitless, though. Annabeth says Ara's parents are the best, but Lily says Ara's dad is protective of her, and he's only half-sure she's trying to scare him. Leo is on the verge of having a heart attack now, as he's dropped outside Ara's building.

"Thanks, man," he dryly says to Argus, not even able to crack a joke. "Wish me luck." 

Argus winks and half of his body looks normal for a moment, then he encourages Leo to press the coms so Ara knows he's there.

The visit cost Leo a lot of pledges to Chiron, the centaur only agreed after he held a conversation over the phone with Sally Jackson, who somehow convinced him Leo is old enough to behave on his own.

It's kind of annoying to be treated like a child, but at the same time, it's nice to be looked after for a change, and it's almost like having a parent. Leo looks for the family's name on the coms, and when he presses the right button, Ara answers right away. 

"Going!"

Leo gives Argus a thumbs up, he's only moved an inch when the front door of the building opens and he jumps, Ara saves him from tripping down the steps.

"Hi," she smiles at the driver and waves. "Thanks, Argus!"

The man turns on the engine and waves back before driving away. Ara pulls Leo inside the building and closes the door. "H—" The girl doesn't give him even a second to speak before she kisses him. 

It's short but intense, enough to erase all the thoughts from Leo's mind, which is a remarkable achievement. "I baked you cupcakes," she says giddily. "Come on!"

Leo gets dragged up the stairs, and by the time they reach her floor, he's having trouble breathing, not necessarily because of the amount of stairs they just ran through. 

She's about to enter her apartment when Leo pulls her back. "Wait! Are both your parents inside?"

"Yeah, they'll drop us off at the movie theater. We're having dinner first, though."

Leo clears his throat. "Okay. Cool."

"Are you nervous?" Ara grins. "They'll love you, just be yourself!"

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" He teases her.

She opens the door. "Leo's here!"

He's half-expecting Ara's apartment to look like a fancy castle, but this is just a regular New York flat, cozy and simple. Her parents are in the living room, and they're the nicest-looking adults Leo's ever seen, which only increases his anxiety. He does not get along with sane people.

"This is my mom and dad," Ara holds Leo's hand and guides him in, he suspects she's also using her empath touch, cause his heart slows down instantly. "Mom and Dad, this is Leo Valdez, my boyfriend."

"Nice to meet you, Leo! Are you thirsty?" Ara's mom shakes his free hand, he likes her instantly. 

"Er... no, Mrs. Jackson, but thanks," his eyes move to Ara's dad, who's not smiling, but it's not giving him the stink eye either, which is a relief.

"Leo," Paul Blofis shakes his hand firmly. "Our daughter talks a lot about you."

"Every day!" Ara adds happily.

Paul nods and pats his shoulder. Leo wishes he had empath touch. "You're not hungry?"

"Uhm..." he hesitates, unsure of what to answer. 

Ara's dad shows the smallest hint of a smile. He pats Leo's shoulder again and guides him to the kitchen. "You'll be once you smell what Sally and I cooked today. C'mon, help me set the table."

Leo gives Ara one last pleading look before Paul takes him away, Ara grins and gives him a thumbs up. 

When they reach the kitchen, Paul looks around with both hands on his hips, he takes a deep breath as if pondering. The boy braces himself, Paul looks like a good guy, but if Leo had a daughter like Ara, and she brought home a guy like him, he would lose his mind a little.

"I have a question for you," Paul turns around smiling. "¿Te gusta el picante?"

Leo blinks. "¿Qué?"

"Picante," the man continues with a thick accent. "A Sally le gusta, pero no mucho. Ara no come, pero ella dijo que si te gusta... hicimos salsa."

Leo stares at the man blankly. Is he having a stroke, or is Ara's dad talking to him in Spanish? The man interprets his silence as a bad sign and he gets a little mortified.

"Did I say something wrong? I'm sorry, Ara said you—"

"No, no!" Leo stops him. "Sorry, I just... I wasn't expecting that."

"But you understood me?" The man smiles again. "I've been learning on my own for two years, but I'm too shy to practice with strangers. Sally practices with me—she's as lost as I am, frankly. But you can't make fun of me if I mess up, 'cause I'm your girlfriend's dad!"

Leo tries to hold back, but he ends up bursting into chortles. Annabeth was right, Ara's parents are amazing.

"Wow," he continues, still laughing. "Smart move. But there was no need, your Spanish is good! Pretty good, actually. I appreciate the salsa-making too."

Paul beams, patting Leo's shoulder in a fatherly way. "Come try it! Maybe you can tell us if it's missing something!"

"Okay," Leo agrees, feeling much better now. "But I'll give you my notes in Spanish, so get ready."

Ara doesn't know what happened when Paul and Leo were left alone, but the boy has turned into her father's best friend in less than an hour, and he has him doubling over the table with laughter.

Her mother looks at her with a knowing smile, and Ara feels her cheeks warming up. She's got a mix of emotions, something like embarrassment but also lots of pride, and tons of happiness. This is the first time her parents look happy since Percy's went missing.

"Look at the time!" Paul glances at the watch around his wrist when Leo's gone to the bathroom. "Gotta go now if the kids want to catch that movie, Sally."

"Yes, I think Ara would like to have her boyfriend back as well," the woman muses.

Paul clears his throat. "Right. Sorry, sweetheart," he looks at Ara with an embarrassed grin. "I got carried away."

"It's alright," she smiles. "I'm glad you like him."

"Hey, Mr. Blofis?" Leo walks back into the room. "Hope you don't mind, I fixed the water pressure in your sink. And the toilet was leaking so I fixed that too."

"Oh, Leo, you didn't have to," Sally replies bashfully.

"It wasn't a problem," he insists, standing behind Ara's chair. "Took me less than a minute."

"Did I mention he's a son of Hephaestus?" Ara grins.

"Just about ten thousand times," her mother replies in the same tone.

"Leo, next time you visit, I'll get those hinges you told me about—we can install them on the kitchen cabinets!"

"Dad," Ara intervenes. "You can't use my boyfriend as a handyman, he comes here to spend time with me! I can fix the kitchen cabinets—"

"No, it's fine," Leo replies. He looks slightly flustered, but happy. "I'll help. Doesn't take that long."

Paul's smile widens. "Good catch, Ara."

She blushes. "Let's go, it's getting late for our movie."

It's weird seeing Ara like this. Here she acts relaxed and like an actual teenager. She's not wearing a camp shirt or her cloak. Next to her, for the first time ever, Leo feels perfectly normal and like a decent match. It makes his heart flutter with joy.

"Why didn't you tell me your dad speaks Spanish? He's hilarious—"

"Leo, do you want to go out with my dad instead? I'm fine on my own, been a while since I had time for myself..."

He laughs, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "I'm just happy it went well! I was so stressed..."

"I know," she kisses his cheek. "But now that's out of the way. All that's left is to introduce you to my..."

Her voice dies out as she thinks of Percy. He'd missed so many milestones already, all the blessings she'd gained, and he'd always looked forward to seeing her date a guy she actually liked... not to mention he didn't get to throw her into the lake as she'd done to him.

Leo nudges her shoulder, sensing the shift in her mood. "Thank you for inviting me over."

"You're thanking me for forcing you to meet my parents?" Ara muses. "Maybe you really are insane."

"Hey, I mean it!" He frowns. "I'm over the moon! I met my girlfriend's parents and they love me," he lowers his voice, eyes turning playful. "And I'm definitely making out with you for the next hour."

Ara pushes him away, giving him a look. Leo gives her a shit-eating grin, raising his hands in surrender. "Anyway," the girl sighs. "Let's buy nachos!"

Leo steps in her way again, holding her by the waist. "Being real, sunshine, I'm down bad. I'm so happy that it makes me stupid."

"Oh, I thought you were born stupid."

He frowns. "Jerk."

"Go splash your face with cold water," Ara looks away, blushing. "I'll buy our food."

He holds her face. "You look so cute when you're flustered," he laughs, stopping Ara from going away. "Don't get mad, I just... I can't believe this is happening. My girlfriend is an Aphrodite, I've won in life."

Ara groans, burying her face on his shoulder. "Stooop!"

"Aw, you're adorable," he pulls her face up, kissing it all over. "You're a squishy, flustered, super pretty doll..."

The more she blushes, the more Leo teases her; right now he's nothing but a teen in love. It had been so long since he'd felt like maybe life didn't suck so much... Probably since he was eight years old.

Even the nightmares had stopped since he'd gotten together with Ara, perhaps she was like a shield to him, somehow she was keeping all the bad stuff away.

Ara leans against Leo's shoulder and yawns. 

Leo glances at her and grins. "Sleepy already? You're old."

"Shut up," she yawns again, sinking further on the couch. "Couldn't sleep... I prayed to my mother the whole time so we could have a nice day... I'm glad she listened."

He doesn't deserve to be loved like she loves him, he didn't do anything to get Ara, and yet she always goes beyond his expectations.

You don't get the things you deserve, you get the things you ask for, and then do what you can to keep them.

But he didn't ask for Ara in the first place! She just showed up and turned his world upside down.  Leo had a vague idea of what love was before meeting Ara, he thought it was meant to be confusing, upsetting, and most of all unfair. Now...

"I don't know why..." She mumbles after a moment. "But I feel that we won't get to do this in the future. I can't shake it off since we started dating."

"Geez, I wonder why," he replies. "Can't be PTSD, right? That's too obvious, there's gotta be bad juju involved."

"What are you talking about? You're my first boyfriend ever," Ara frowns.

"Your first and last," he adds casually. "But I didn't mean it like that. I meant all the people you lost in less than a year, you didn't get to have more time with them."

"I don't have PTSD. I'm alright."

"Didn't look like it when you told me about Michael..."

"Don't," Ara scowls. "You're sounding like Lily."

"That's because we both care about you," Leo tilts her chin up. "Ara, I promise—"

"Don't promise things!" She covers his mouth, awake and annoyed. "How many times do I have to tell you?"

He moves her hand away. "Fine! Look... I'm not great with words, but it's... like your fear of maths. You don't use them because you kept exploding things when you tried to, right? But you can do math, you do it every day at school, yet you still go to camp and refuse to use it. It's the same."

Ara looks at him, kind of understanding what he's saying. "Maybe we are like math a little bit, in my head," she admits. "I can't help it!"

"Keep telling me your story," he suggests. "You need to talk it out, and I want to hear it."

"It's going to ruin our night."

"If you cry I'll cuddle and comfort you. Maybe it'll ruin your night, but it would make mine ten times better," he jokes.

"Leónidas!" Ara scolds him. "That's not funny!"

The boy freezes and looks at her with shock. "What did you call me?"

She stares at him. "What?" Ara frowns. "Oh, gods, did I guess your name right?"

Leo looks at her annoyed. "How?"

She eyes him intently. "Leónidas like the Spartan guy... Yeah, that one feels right."

Ara places the accent exactly where his mother used to, and suddenly he gets transported to better times. "Wait—feels right? What does that mean?"

She laughs and kisses him briefly. "Nothing, I just like how it sounds."

Leo stares at her intently. "I like how Arae sounds."

She grins. "We both have weird and ancient names. We were clearly meant to be together."

"Yeah," he replies quietly. "I'm starting to believe that."

Next Chapter ->

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[ltwharfy]

Rewatching "I Love You, Man" and Overthinking Rudy's Iconic Halloween Costume

One night this week, when I was feeling particularly tired after work, I noticed that the 2009 movie “I Love You, Man” starring Paul Rudd, Rashida Jones, and Jason Segel, had just started on one of the commercial-free movie channels, so I decided to watch it. I had seen it a long time ago and thought it was pretty entertaining (I pretty much always find all three of the movie’s leads entertaining in anything, so…_). But I’m pretty sure I hadn’t seen it since “Nightmare on Ocean Avenue Street” came out, and certainly not since I became a person who writes “Bob’s Burgers’ fanfic and posts stuff about the show on this silly website. So, some thoughts on “I Love You, Man” specifically as the source of Rudy’s iconic Halloween costume:

-Man, this movie is R-rated! I had looked that up a while back, and it amused me because Louise also makes reference to R or TV-MA rated stuff (No Country for Old Men, Pan’s Labyrinth, Game of Thrones, just off the top of my head). But, I couldn’t exactly remember why it was Rated R, and if that rating made sense. Rewatching it reminded me that there is a lot of sex-related dialogue in the movie. It could not be cut out or toned down that much. It is actually pretty central to the plot (I’m not going to go into details, since I don’t want to put a content warning on this post, or spoil a 14 year old movie for anyone). It’s not a movie I would feel okay about watching with a  9 year-old that I was responsible for.

-So, did Rudy actually see the movie? There are definitely other times on the show where it is pretty clear the kids haven’t actually seen the more adult entertainment they make reference to (“what’s Caligua?”) It’s quite possible that Rudy may have just been familiar with Paul Rudd from more age appropriate fare (Ant-Man or something) and seen the poster for “I Love You, Man” somewhere and thought Rudd’s outfit looked cool (I mean, it’s a sweater and jeans, but this is Rudy we’re talking about).

-But I think it’s more fun to imagine he actually saw the movie. It’s implied that Rudy has a number of older cousins (we meet Mandy, and he wants her to tell the others about his attempt to sled backwards) so I can imagine him seeing the movie at a family thing with a bunch of his older cousins and just being so excited to watch a grown-up movie with the older kids that he thinks it’s the best thing ever despite a ton of the jokes going completely over his head. (There are a lot of movies I saw with my older sister as a kid then when I revisited them as an adult I realized I had completely missed some pretty racy stuff in them.)

-Also, I then imagine Rudy later innocently asking one of his parents about some term he heard in the movie that he didn’t understand, which leads to the older cousins getting in trouble for letting him see it.

-There are definitely parts of the movie I could see Rudy understanding enjoying. The first conversation between Rudd and Segel’s characters is Segel pointing out how another guy is clearly holding in a fart because he is trying to impress a woman he just started dating. This seems to very much be on the level of humor of most of the Bob’s Burgers kids.

-And it’s pretty easy to see Rudy enjoying Paul Rudd’s character in the movie, because it’s basically just Paul Rudd playing a nice kind of dorky guy in a pretty typically Paul Ruddy manner. His character is into fencing, which I can easily see Rudy thinking is a pretty cool hobby. (I can totally see Rudy and Louise trying fencing when they get older).

-Rudd’s character also plays the bass, and there is a running gag of him saying “I slap the bass” in a bad attempt at a Jamaican accent. I can see Rudy enjoying this and repeating the line to the point of annoying people (“You don’t even play the bass, Rudy, you play the drums!”) I may be projecting because that’s certainly what I would’ve done as a kid.

-If you managed to read this far without knowing the plot of the movie, Rudd and Jones’ characters get engaged and it is pointed out to them that Rudd has always been a “girlfriend guy” who doesn’t really have close male friends. It’s kind of interesting to think about that in the context of Rudy, since it seems pretty clear that Louise is his best friend, and I find it interesting to think about who Rudy’s best male friend is. I have this headcanon that it’s Jeremy just because he is at Rudy’s birthday and his appearance seems kind of random if he’s not actually good friends with Rudy. (It’s easy to see Harley going to that party because she’s super friendly and seems up for anything, and Rudy could’ve gotten to know the Pesto twins through Louise, but why is Jeremy there?!)

-That said, the male characters Rudy has the most friendly interaction with on-screen are probably Zeke and Gene (or as I like to think of them, the World’s Best Future Brothers-in-Law). Of course, Rudy is a minor character who is only in 10% or so of the episodes and we basically only see him when he’s with the Belcher kids. It’s possible he has a really meaningful friendship with Hogarth Haber that is never seen or referred to on-camera.

-So, be on the lookout for my Roudise “I Love You, Man” AU Fic, coming soon! (That’s probably not actually going to be a thing. Honestly, I think I’ve explored this joke as far as I can. Well beyond the point of reason, in fact.)

-I had forgotten what a fun cast “I Love You, Man” has! In addition to Rudd, other “Bob’s Burgers” guest stars in the movie include Aziz Ansari, Andy Samberg, Rob Huebel, Nick Kroll, and Joe Lo Truglio.

[notafraidofredyellowandblue]

Thank you so much for taking the time for your long reply on Schneider. You are absolutely right, and it really helps. Till is my favorite, can’t help it, but there are some things he has done that I didn’t like at all, either, and with some distance it either wasn’t as bad m or I just got used to it and ignored it. I guess I do the same with my friends, the older I get. I don’t take the stuff I don’t like so seriously anymore. I should so the same with the people I admire from afar but don’t really know.

So thank you so much for your input! And yes, I would definitely be interested in your take regarding the Schneider statement! ♥️

Hi, i think you're right, it helps that with age you know that not everything is just good or bad with nothing in between, nowadays on social media, if a person does or says one thing that others don't like, that seems to get targetted and everything else forgotten *or* completely ignored because it doesn't fit the favored narrative 🌺

While i'm happy to share my thoughts on Schneider's post, let me first share some of my pet peeves about others (or in general), because like i said in the previous post, all of them have done or said things that weren't my thing at the time or that temporarily or permanently changed the way i viewed them, just to avoid that i get a new anon response calling me a hater again 🌺

For Richard (yes, let's start there 😊) i really don't like how he is in his personal relationships, how all his girlfriends are almost carbon copies of eachother and how easily he switches from one to the other (polyamorous? Maybe, but 'sexual butterfly' i think is more fitting). As that is his personal life i usually don't comment on it, but i cringe when fans call him 'their perfect husband' 😊 Also (yes, there's more) that he almost broke up the band with his Mutter-era-mania and his feeling of being the one who was right and should have his way. What redeemed him for me is that in hindsight he completely owned up to everything that happened and took full responsibility (even recently in interviews). What i love about Richard, i've said it before, is not that i think he's perfect, but that he has his flaws and deals with them, always trying to improve himself (and imo he has improved a lot, as shown on stage the past years).

Another example is an actor i used to follow, watched all his movies, but who, as it turns out, is a big gun-enthusiast. And i happen to not like guns (rifles, shooters, whatever). I understand that in some parts of the world they are necessary to protect yourself from bears or lions or whatever, and i do enjoy watching weaponry as a sport in the olympics, how skilled the shooters are, but as a hobby? or thinking it's normal that kids can hold a gun? Nope, not my thing. That is a really big turn off for me, and i still have loads of dvd's with films of the actor, but never watch them anymore.

Okay, to Schneider's post (and again, please unfollow and/or block if you don't like my view)

- Was i surprised he posted it when he did? Yes.

- If i were Rammstein management, would i have advised him to post it? Probably not, but it seemed to hit Schneider pretty hard, we know now that Richard had to write in a statement on events that happened in 2019, i wouldn't be surprised if the others had to as well, so i can imagine that was a gutpunch, so maybe i would have gone with "sleep about it another night, read it again in the morning, and if you're sure..."

- Can i see how people feel it throws Till under the bus? Yes, i do (interestingly, Schneider was in the Mutter era also the most vocal in putting all the blame on Richard, where Paul f.i. also acknowledged that he himself was part of the problem. Eventually Richard acknowledged he was to blame (see above))

but....

his statement confirmed a lot for me that i sensed was happening for the last few years, since let's say 2019. Till creating his own bubble, having his own entourage (who imho indulge Till's tendency to selfdestruct), travelling with them, things happening that didn't seem to be 'the Rammstein way' but more extreme, the separate afterparties, the invites to Row0, there were so many pictures and side stories the last few tours (2019/2022) that to me it was there in plain sight, but in the fandom that was always shot down as 'not true', 'you don't know what you're talking about', 'you are a hater' or examples given of years earlier as 'proof' that Till would never do things like that. Well, not years earlier okay, but lately? Things have changed, Schneider's post confirmed it.

Also, the post is still up. And it is liked by many people close to the band, Schneider's wife (okay, maybe that's a given), Flake's wife, who also reposted it on her own page thanking Schneider for the post, but also Jens Koch, Olaf Heine, Jörn Heitmann, Tobias Ortman, David Geslbauer (and Sven Heibig on Flake's wife's post): People who have worked with the band in recent years, some currently on tour. Liking on social media ofcourse doesn't say a lot, some people like something without even reading it, but with the content so impactful, and the post still up, they could easily remove their like, but they didn't. For me it confirmed that this wasn't just a spur of the moment thing from Schneider, this was well thought out and heartfelt.

Do i personally feel Schneider throws Till under a bus? No, what for me makes the difference is that he writes at the end of the statement "All of us, all six. We stick together." Schneider is willing to work through it and improve things. And in those last lines, i read that the rest of the band are too, including, i sincerely hope, Till himself. From what we see on tour since the post, i have a feeling that the working through has started...in the six men marriage 🌺

just my 2 cts 🌺

[runwithwolvcs]

Right Where You Left Me

Monster Inside Of Me

“You’ve seen one? Like a bad one?” I asked what felt like the millionth question since he had come back from patrol.  I had been antsy all day because of it. Paul had up and left mid movie after multiple howls sounded through my window, signalling trouble.

“They’re all bad, Saskia.” Paul tells me as I absentmindedly play with his fingers

I click my tongue at this. Theoretically, yes, they are all dangerous. But from what Bella has said of the Cullens, despite her odd obsession with them, they aren’t bad people. They weren’t always vampires. Paul doesn’t hide his disdain for my opinion on them, all he sees is black and white. Threat versus no threat. I can’t blame him. His entire life was shifted upside down because of them, though I would like to think he considers the imprint as a perk.

He sighs, “Yes, in some clearing in Forks, with Bella. But he's dead now, so you don’t have to worry about him, okay?”

I nod my head, “Jake said the Cullens were vegetarian.”

“Mhm.” He mumbles, and I don’t have to look at him to know he’s just rolled his eyes.

“No more vampire talk for today.” I reassured him, the subject was touchy for him whenever I asked about his patrol shifts. Though I was grateful he opened up enough to ease my mind. I comb my fingers through his growing hair, “Are you going to cut it again?”

“Eventually I will have to.” Paul admits, a teasing grin forming on his face as he mentions, “But somebody said they liked it longer.”

“I’d have to agree with whoever that was,” I note, whispering in his ear, “There's more to grab on to.”

I lightly tugged his hair so that we were eye level, before letting go completely and cupping his jaw. Pressing a small kiss to his soft lips that he’s quick to reciprocate,“You know, I was thinking the same thing about your ass in these tights.”

Paul picks me up from my spot beside him on the bench with ease and places me in his lap, practically straddling him as his hands lightly massage my ass. I have to hold back a moan as he does. The damn boy has left me touch starved the past two weeks.

“Oh,  bite me.” I quip.

“If you insist.” Paul dips his head, and nips at my neck gently before placing a soft kiss in the exact spot. I can't help but giggle at the action. Even in something as harmless as playfully biting me, he feels the need to counteract it by making sure I knew he didn’t mean to hurt me. As if he ever would.

“You’re growing soft on me, Lahote.” I tell him with a smile. I caress the nape of his neck softly as he hums in response.

“We’re in public, babe. Just you wait.” He winks at me. 

“Oh yeah? Do I at least get a sneak peak at what I’m getting?” 

My phone dings with a message from Emily. She has been privy to letting Kim and I know when muffins are ready before the boys can hoover them all. Though I tend to sneak one for Paul too, imprints honour, you could say.

Looking at the message, I grin, whispering as quietly as I can in his ear so as to not alert the other boys, “Muffins are ready.”

“I’d rather eat you.” he said lowly, “My dads visiting my aunt, we’d have the house to ourselves.” His hand travelled to my ass again and gave it a quick squeeze. On top of the little touches Paul finds comfort in, he has now made a habit of pushing the line of inappropriate PDA. Mostly at school and Emilys, where we both were scolded any time we got caught. 

“Tempting,” I say as I begin walking backwards towards the cottage, “One or two?”

Nearly knocking me over in the process.

“Watch it, Black,” Paul growled, moving quickly to steady me. His breathing was erratic and I could practically feel his heart racing as he pulled me into his chest. Looking down at me with dark, worried eyes as I looked up in confusion. What had set him off?

“Paul,” I warned, placing my palms on his chest firmly, “It’s okay, Paul. I’m okay.”

He only nodded. Taking a deep breath as he screwed his eyes shut trying to calm himself down. I lazily slid my hands down his chest until they met his hands, intertwining our fingers. I squeezed his hands gently, as a reminder that I’m still right there if he needed me.

Taking two steps back with his hands in mine, extending both of our arms just as he opened his eyes, still hard and full of an emotion that resembled rage. I smiled softly, “Come on Fido, let's go for a walk and then muffins.”

Paul let out a small laugh, walking towards me until our hands were at our sides again, “You think you’re funny, huh?”

“I’ll say anything if I know it’ll make you smile,” I tell him honestly. I let go of one of his hands before reaching up and poking the small dimple in his cheek, causing his smile to widen, “There we go.”

The imprint causing my heart to flutter at the sight of him. I stand on my tip toes, bringing my hand to the back of his neck, prepared to be scolded for the PDA we were about to show. I don’t care, not when he looks this kissable. 

Jake misses the football him and Embry were still playing with, it continues bouncing on the grass and hitting my ankles. I turn to him with a playful glare, returning to flat feet. I look up sheepishly to Paul, who is no longer smiling. A frown etched into his features, it seemed like a permanent feature these days.

“Sorry.” Jake teased, his hand resting on my lower back uncomfortably compared to when Paul slots his hand there. It doesn’t last longer than two seconds before Jacob picks up his ball again and tosses it back to Embry.

“Old habits die hard, isn’t that right, Jake?” Embry laughed.

Turning my head to look at him again, “What’s that supposed to--”

A sharp gasp leaving my lips interrupts my question as I fall to my knees, clutching my side. All I can feel is a burning sensation spreading across my abdomen. Letting out a shaky breath, I look down. My hands holding my side are drenched in blood as it soaks through my sweater. Though most of the fabric is shredded. I stare at it in confusion and shock. What the hell just happened?

“Shit!” Jake kneels next to me, yelling towards the small cottage, “Fuck! Call Sue!”

 I look at him as I start to hyperventilate, knowing the amount of blood I’ve lost is a lot already. I frantically look for Paul, his large frame nowhere to be seen, just a large grey wolf in his spot.

Reaching my hand up to wave him over, I know he can lessen the pain I feel, I just need to touch him. Jake pushed my bloodied hand down, back to my abdomen, “Keep pressure,” He said, worry seeping into his voice.

But I can’t take my eyes off of Paul. He  lets out a series of whimpers before he takes off, running faster than my brain could currently keep up with, “Don’t go,” I try to whisper, but it barely comes out as my vision blurs. The grey wolf breaking through the tree line and disappearing was the last thing I saw before it all went black.

…“Attacked by a wild dog.” A woman's voice says distantly, my ears were ringing as I struggled to stay awake and open my eyes…

….“What are you doing here?!” I hear my father saying angrily before losing consciousness again…

The familiar red hair billowing in the wind, talking to a man I’ve never seen before. I take a step forward, trying to get a better look at both of their faces when a hand on my shoulder stops me.

“Don’t, sweetie.” I look to see the sweet face of my mom, usually so sure of herself, now concerned, “Go find Paul. He’ll keep you safe.”

“What?” I asked, full of confusion.

“Paul and the pack will deal with them, but you need to go. Go find him,”

My eyes widened. She knows about the pack. 

About Paul

“How do you..?”

“Mothers know everything.” She tells me with an all knowing smile.

I frown, feeling as though our time is fleeting, “I miss you.”

“I know , Little Bird.” She tells me, caressing my cheek softly.

I look back towards the two pale faces just as their heads both snap towards my mom and I, it is then that I notice their glowing red eyes.

Gasping awake, I bring my hand up to block out the bright, white light. Groaning at the sharp pain in my side.

“Oh, good. You’re awake.” A soft voice coos. I know that voice. Blinking my eyes, hoping the room would stop spinning, Sue Clearwater comes into focus, “How are you feeling?”

“Paul? Is he here?” Looking around the room for the bronze man that I know is beating himself up right.

“Hasn’t left since they brought you in.” She tells me, writing something down on her clipboard before looking up at me with sorry eyes. “Your dad won’t let him see you. Seems like that gang rumour hasn’t just stuck to the highschool like the council thought it would.”

Tears form in my eyes as I try to swallow the lump in my throat.

“Oh, sweetie. Let me see if I can distract your father long enough for Paul to come check on you.” She tells me, setting down her charts before petting my hair. Just like my mom used to do. The damn breaks and all the unshed tears leave my eyes as she makes quick work of leaving to distract my father.

Paul comes in keeping his distance from the hospital bed. He looks sickly, almost like he hasn’t been sleeping or eating. A pang of worry soars through me. It wasn’t his fault. 

“Tell me you want nothing to do with me.” His voice breaks. He can’t even look at me. His eyes wander the room before landing on the window.

 It’s dark outside. But I have no way of telling how long I’ve been in the hospital.

I don’t hide my shock, “What?”

“Please,” he begged, finally looking at me, “Tell me I’m a monster and you hate me, I need to hear you say it because I know you, you wouldn't want to be around someone like me.”

“It was an accident, Paul, you’re not a monster.” I tried to sit up but the pain was too much.

He cringed and looked away from me again.

“I hurt you,” he croaked, “the one thing I vowed to never do.” 

Tears form in my eyes yet again, “If you don’t come to me, I am going to come to you.”

 I was not bluffing and swung a leg off the bed when he refused to move. Groaning as I placed one barefoot on the cool floor.

 He rushed to me, stopping me just as I got my other leg swing off the bed., “Don’t. You’ll rip your stitches.”

“Paul,” I lean into him, seeking his warmth, “I need you.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt by me, or the boys.. We’re not safe.” 

“You promised.” I brood, forcing him to look me in the eyes, “You promised me that I was stuck with you for life, that I was never going to lose you.”

The sorrow was unmistakable in his eyes, “I know, but the only thing I care about is making sure you're safe, and that's not with me.”

I resort to begging,  “Please don’t do this.”

The emotions were overwhelming. On top of the pain in my side, I could feel the dull ache I had felt when he refused to speak to me after I had found out about the imprint. I thought I had rid it for good.

“Saskia,” He cradled my cheek and I squeezed my eyes shut as my chest began to ache more intensely. I can't go through this again, “This is what's best.”

“I don’t care! I don’t need you deciding what's best for me, I can do that myself. We’ve talked about this.”

He opens his mouth to speak but I quickly interrupt, “If you do this to me again, I will never forgive you. Imprint or not, I promise you, I will never speak to you again and I keep my promises.” My anger and sadness mix together to create a dangerous storm of emotions.

He looks away again, his demeanour changing. He's scared. He knows I’m right and that I won’t settle for him tearing us apart over his own fears.

“I don’t want to do this to you,and if you never forgive me, I get it, I won’t forgive myself for what I’ve done to you.” His eyes now dark, and moody, like they had been the first time we made eye contact after the wolf genes had kicked in. I can see his inner turmoil. Like he was fighting with himself.  “But, I don’t want to lose you, I can’t. We just..need some distance right now.”

“Distance.” I repeat. This sounds more like a breakup than anything else. I take a deep breath, trying to collect my thoughts. Pauls clearly made up his mind,  and I am just too tired to fight him on it right now. 

He nods, holding my hand that was sitting in my lap and bringing it to his lips, “It won’t be forever. I just need to  get control of this. So, I don’t want you at Sams anymore, after patrols I can’t be around you, not while I’m still wound up and--”

“But what about--” I stop myself, pulling my hand from his and placing it back in my lap, “Nevermind.”

“What about what?” He asks, a flicker of hurt flashing through his eyes as I pull my hand away.

I shake my head.

“Sask?”

“I can’t sleep without you…” I murmur. He knows this. He has to, but he has to work out his own demons. I can at least understand that.

“I’ll figure something out..you’ll be okay.” He tells me, squeezing my hand gently.

I look up at him, one thing worrying me the most now that we’ve settled he won’t be ditching me for a third time, “I don’t even know what happened..Why’d you get so angry?”

“I wasn’t even angry.I was just..” He stopped himself. As he does whenever he talks about his emotions.

“Just what?”

“Jake,” he muttered, “He likes you, or he did, before finding out I imprinted on you. Jared told me that when Jacob found out he didn’t imprint on Bella, that it crossed his mind that maybe it was you. I doubt those feelings just magically disappeared and I don’t know something about him touching you made me snap.”                                                                                                               

I rolled my eyes, plainly stating, “You’re the only one that I want. ” 

Wait.

Why did I say that?

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck.

His eyes widened, “What?”

“As an imprint.” I lie, completely backtracking, “Obviously we're still just friends who sometimes are more than friends but not feelings wise, y’know?”

He grumbles something beneath his breath that I can’t quite make out. 

The sound of a throat clearing catches both of our attentions, “I thought I told you, you were not allowed to see my daughter.”

“Dad,” Quickly holding onto Paul's arm, as both our heads snap towards the door, “I asked for him.”

He scoffed, “I’m calling security.”

“No, Dad, please. Please.” I beg.

“Your mother would not approve of this, Saskia. Sneaking around at night, skipping school, all for this boy who is nothing but trouble. We raised you better than that. You, out.” My father grabs Paul's arm roughly leading him to the door as Sue watches with sorry eyes as she enters.

Tears cloud my vision as I move to stop him from kicking Paul out, only to have my legs give out and fall to the floor, “Saskia!”

Warm arms wrap around me protectively and I look up at a worried Paul, I can’t stop myself from crying, “Please don’t go. Not yet.”

“Delta, wait outside, please.” I hear my dad argue with my little sister, but I’m scared to look at her. Not knowing what they told her.

I just hope she's not afraid of the pack, not afraid of Paul. I can't put her through that if she is, and picking between the two people I care about most would destroy my already fragile mental state.

Looking at the door frame where Delta stood with Sue, her mousy voice sounds softer than usual as she says, “Paul will take care of her dad.”

“Delta, adults only.” He barked back at her. He never yells at Delta.

“Mom liked Paul, you’re the only one who doesn’t.” Delta says with an abundance of teenage angst in her voice before she stomps her feet out into the hall.

“She’s eighteen, Strand. She wants Paul to stay, he stays.” Sue comments as Paul helps me up as if I weigh nothing to him, setting me back in the uncomfortable hospital bed and pulling the itchy blanket up to my waist. He looks away as Sue checks my stitches. I'm not sure if it's because my fathers in the room or if he's afraid to see the damage but I squeeze his arm gently. Holding on to him for dear life, as if he would disappear when I let him go.

“All good, Saskia. No more sneaking out of bed, okay?” Sue says as she pulls the blanket further up my body.

“I’ll try.” I mumble, though it honestly depends on the boy beside me.

“Oh, and Delta was right, Marjorie had no problem with these two being..friends.” Sue informed my father, patting him on the shoulder before she sent a reassuring smile to myself and Paul, “Now, Del has school tomorrow, you should take her home.”

My dad is reeling as he says,  “I’ll be back in the morning.”

Sue is quick to lead him out of the room as Paul situated himself next to me. My grip on his arm is not lessening and I’m grateful he’s not leaving too. Though I know how much he is beating himself up about the accident. His new distance boundary can start tomorrow.

“My mom knew.” I mused quietly. So much for being sneaky climbing through his window every night. She had never brought it up to me, though I wish I had told her. I could see us on her porch swing, cocooned in blankets with hot chocolate gossiping like teenage girls about the very attractive boy next door. But I will never get that.

“My dad knows.”

I looked up at Paul, shocked at what he had confessed, “What?”

“I don’t know when he found out but, he asked me about you the other day.” He chuckled softly, running his fingers through my hair,  “He said he hadn’t heard your voice in a while but he was glad that you didn’t hold a grudge against me.  I also told him about the imprint. He wasn’t surprised.”

I smile tiredly, “My mom liked you. I always thought she would”

He smiles down, stroking my cheek, “Get some sleep.”

“Paul?” I ask, trying to hold his gaze but my eyelids became too heavy as I carefully snuggled into him. His warmth envelops me like a safety blanket.

“Hm?”

“I want to sleep in your stupid tshirts, okay? Nothing will ever change that.” I mumble through a yawn. 

He slots his hand into mine, giving it a small squeeze, “I’ll remember that.”