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teacherintransition · 4 years ago

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The Ugly American...who? Me?

My wife an I have become avid travelers and the closing of countries due to Covid-19 has hit us in the heart...

The time at home has given me chance to read about travel and given me pause to re-evaluate my behavior while abroad in the past and for the future...

The Ugly American, a novel written in the late 1950’s and which was a The New York Times Best Seller, was written by political scientist Eugene Burdick and writer and former U.S. Navy captain William Lederer. The book took a much needed look at the behavior of Americans traveling abroad; from the rugged backpacker hiking India to the field State Department personnel actually presenting the “official face” of our country in the international community. Prior to World War 1, most international travel by Americans was done by the wealthy elite among society. The “common” man through the tribulations of war, was given the opportunity to experience European culture and a yearning for seeing the world was fostered. If fact, there was a saying after WWI, “how you gonna keep Johnny on the farm after he’s seen Paree (Paris)?” The travel bug... wanderlust was born in the hearts of the middle class and gave rise to this phenomenon in film and in books written by Jack Kerouac, Cheryl Strayed, Ernest Hemingway up to contemporary writers like Anthony Bourdain, Andrew Sean Greer and Elizabeth Gilbert. Even Rick Steves who has become a knowledgeable source of traveling information with his travel guide series, has presented an informative open minded view of travel abroad.

All of these written treasures of traveling the world unveils to readers the magic that is to be found by stepping out your front door. The Ugly American presents a scathing look at how the “American” while overseas, displays an arrogant , intolerant, dismissive view of cultures far older and in many cases, more refined than ours. Burdick and Lederer’s book is set within the intrigues of international diplomacy and how that uniquely American view creates failure in the establishment of effective foreign policy. The authors listed and many more besides, instruct their readers to varying degrees to take more note of the intricate nuances a traveler should pay attention to and to show respect and admiration for the centuries of history and culture that exists all around us and that is not American. There is a common thread throughout all their works about what is missed when we stand outside and dismiss the uniqueness of every nation we might visit, instead of immersing oneself and appreciating it in a culture not our own. The “ugly American” has become a mythos of how Americans respond critically to anything that is not “MURICAN!”

Several other factors besides short sighted American foreign policy have contributed to the yoke placed on Americans traveling: cutthroat business practices while dealing with European, Asian and African countries; missionaries whose demonstrate a dismissive view of spiritual practices that have existed for millennia and, quite honestly, the behavior of tourists while abroad. Many experienced travelers draw a clear distinction between the tourist and the traveler. Kathryn Walsh differentiates the two in the following way:

Tourists

It's usually easy for locals to spot a tourist among them. A tourist may carry a camera, guidebook and map at all times and wear the same clothing he'd wear at home. Tourists tend to stay in their comfort zones a bit; they may speak only English instead of trying to learn phrases in the local language; stick to major cities instead of venturing to smaller towns or off-the-beaten-path locales; and stay in areas where the amenities are similar to what they have at home.

Travelers

Generally speaking, someone who considers himself a traveler will try to immerse himself in the local culture rather than standing out. If you're a traveler, you may try to explore the less-traveled areas and explore locations where tourism doesn't drive the economy. You'll interact with locals. Your goals for a trip will be to learn and experience new things, rather than to take a relaxing break from everyday life. A traveler may consider a trip a journey rather than a vacation.

The traveler presents a deferential, respectful and admiring view of the nations they are visiting and adopt the wise phrase from antiquity: “when in Rome do as the Romans.”

There is nothing wrong with being a tourist, often it is the less expensive approach to travel, unless you become the arrogant American tourist then perhaps you need to reassess. Travel is a big part of my retirement plans and goals, but you know what they say about the best laid plans. Two highly anticipated trips with two years involved in planning were rescheduled due to the Covid-19 pandemic, a disappointment we shared with thousands of tourists and travelers alike; and further postponements may continue to confront us. Perspective is needed in such a situation as being denied travel is far below other struggles this event has presented all of us. That being said, it has been a terrible disappointment down to my bones. We’ve missed much needed fellowship time with great friends, the excitement of seeing new places, the immersion in the culture and history of the locales, and, for me personally, our yearly travels have been my muse and inspiration for so much of my art. It’s akin to being very thirsty and having only a few drops to suffice. Introspection is the course of action when hopefully contemplating the possibility of the trips occurring.

To satiate the urge, we’ve read and watched travel programs in the interim and have evaluated our connection to the Ugly American concept? Are we ...them? In our past travels, have we appeared at all dismissive of the people and practices of the places we’ve visited? My wife and I have always been in awe of our travel destinations, so I feel fairly confident that we have not displayed the aforementioned arrogance of many American travelers. The thought that then arises is how much we have not allowed ourselves to be immersed in the culture; which, in the long run, is a detriment to us more than anyone. Our minds are open and willing to become part of the places we visit, but if we eliminate the brusque nature of so many Americans while overseas, what is the stumbling block that draws such distinctions when traveling? I fully concede that most Americans feel they have little to learn from many places on this planet, more is the pity, and there is much flawed thinking that goes into this mindset; but what fundamental differences exist between the cultures? I came across a very enlightening blog article written by Alain Veilell that was spot on in identifying the differences. Veilell simply observed that we run on different clocks. Not literal clocks but a “clock” obsessed with structure and deadline.... hello Americans! Veilell notes that Europeans start late and end late, while American and many Asian cultures start early and end early. Americans tend to view the un-regimented approach as being akin to laziness. I coached soccer and baseball for many years and many of my Latino players would not be as punctual as my other players. They were as talented and competitive, but their homes weren’t ruled by the seconds on a clock. Dinner started later, lasted longer, the dishes could wait... the priority was the quality of interaction with the people your with... ah, there it is ... sort of.

The average American meal last twenty minutes, while the average meal in Spain, for example, lasts two hours. They certainly don’t eat as much as Americans so why all the extra time? Why should time even be a factor so often? It’s the conversation and fellowship that is the priority not timing. While without question, the structured regimentation is a contributing factor to the American commitment to financial success, it also contributes to hypertension, stress, anxiety, depression and conflict that might be avoided with having an extra glass of wine and talking and not worrying if dinner is on schedule. Taking a little more time, enjoying the moment, letting serendipity reign may not be part and parcel of the Puritan work ethic; but it plays a helluva big part in realizing “La Dolce Vita.” This perception of time throws the rhythm off for many American tourists and makes us the ones to call the front desk complaining that the folks in room 210 are just too loud at 9:30 pm. The local population may just be getting ready to start dinner at that time. Remember, “when in Rome do as the Romans?”

While traveling, often American tourists view differences as a personal affront. “ I have to ask for ice?’ “What, no air conditioner?’ “They call the restroom the toilet?’ “Ugh how vulgar ... and a bidet? You must be kidding?” Truth to tell, Americans also suffer from mischaracterization from travelers from abroad as well. If I had a nickel for ever foreign exchange student who thought that all of Texas was a giant ranch with everyone riding horses and wearing cowboy hats. I think though that visitors to our country more often than not allow themselves to be pleasantly surprised than to have their feathers ruffled. It seems that we allow the “ours is better than yours” mentality to outweigh the magic of the unknown and the different. Every spiritual guiding ethos advocates living in the moment, treasure what is happening right now, greet the unknown with hope not hostility. The ugly American leaves no room for such an upbeat approach. Superiority mentality leave very little to treasure in this magnificent world other than what is yours and that limits learning, excitement, growth and just the pure joy that comes from trekking this world.

Is this assessment of mine a blanket judgement? No, not at all but there is some truth to it and there is something to be learned. As I self analyze, I found that I may harbor some of these traits and it’s good that I have time to stand back and look ...to learn. The worthy goal of being an affirming member of this global community is a purpose that I seek; and the rewards are far beyond just being intrinsic but rewards the cultures you visit with an admiration and respect they deserve. As these thoughts have been put down, it reignites the hopes that the planned journeys come to realization with the anticipation of more to follow. No more ugly Americans, British, Japanese or what have you, just eager travelers wanting to see and experience all that this world has to offer. Happy travels my friends.

Burdick, Eugene Lederer, William; The Ugly American ; Norton Publications; 1958

Veilel, Alain; “Why don’t Europeans Travel to Cancun?;” Quora; October 8, 2020

Walsh, Kathryn. "Differences Between a Tourist and a Traveller" traveltips.usatoday.com, https://traveltips.usatoday.com/differences-between-tourist-traveller-103756.html. 5 April 2021.

Photo from https://www.myheritage.com/

Photo from https://openlibrary.org/authors/OL13640A/Ernest_Hemingway

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ronsthoughts · 6 years ago

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Being Daddy

My mom always called her father daddy. Even years after he was gone, and to this day, she refers to him as daddy. When I was a little kid, I never really thought about it. It was just the way it was. And then one day, when I was about 12 years old, I had a random conversation with her that would change my life in ways that I couldn't comprehend at the time. We were on a family camping trip, at a beautiful campground close to the beach. Our family trips were great fun and have provided many wonderful stories, but this one provided a whole new idea for me about who I wanted to be. While my dad and siblings played in the surf, my mom and I sat on the beach having a nice chat about this and that. She was telling me a story about her childhood, I honestly don't remember the subject matter, when she mentioned her daddy. I asked her why she always called him daddy, even as an adult, instead of "dad" or "my father." I remember her response like it was yesterday. It was immediate, without pause and so very deep without really trying to be. She said "well, because any man can be a father, but it takes someone very very special to be a daddy. And my daddy is very special!"

She was right. He was very special indeed. Grandpa Dave, as I called him, was very much like me. Or I guess I should say that I am very much like he was. He, like me, had two girls who were the apples of his eye, his everything. The mere mention of them could bring tears to his eyes. He was very outgoing and social, a man's man on the outside and a goosh ball on the inside. He loved sports, keeping fit and hanging out with the guys, but could also tear up at a well crafted Hallmark commercial. Yes, very much like me. But to his girls, he didn't just get the title of daddy, he earned it.

From the moment of that conversation that beautiful summer day so long ago, I wanted to be that. Daddy. I wanted to be other things too, some I have and some I have not, but daddy was always at the top of the list. I knew that I would have the chance someday, but also understood very clearly that the title of daddy would need to be earned. My dad, although I do not call him daddy anymore, was and is my greatest role model for how to be an incredible father to your kids. There is not one person on this planet who I respect more than my dad. Why? Because he has earned it. Always there for my mom and his 4 kids. Somewhat quiet and un-assuming, always kind and generous, loving and supportive, there is nobody who has taught me more about striving to be a good man, and father, than him.

I think the biggest testament to both of my parents became clear to me when my Hailey was born. My wife had pretty severe post-partem depression and spent the first few months filled with stress and self doubt about her ability to be a mom. For me? It all just came to me, completely and totally naturally. It was as though I had been parenting for years, wired the right way and with all of the necessary toolsand knowledge for each circumstance we faced. Now, this isn't to say that I was always right. I wasn't. But in most cases I just knew in my heart what to do, and how to love Hailey totally and completely unconditionally. By the time Cam came into the picture, I was an old pro and hungry for more. (I always wanted 4 kids, as I had come from, but that was not meant to be). Their early years were filled the wonder of discovery. Reading books before bed, playing dolls with them, bath time where we sang silly songs and they talked about their days, and just simply sitting on the couch cuddling were among the happiest times of my life. I tried to be there for every soccer game, volleyball, softball, school plays and holiday performances, back-to-school nights and tear soaked graduations. I can't remember a time in those early years when oneof them was't "uppy" in my arms or riding high on daddy's shoulders. That, that folks is the good stuff.

Anyone who knows me also knows that my girls are my everything. I would do anything for them. When they're happy, I'm happy, when they hurt, I hurt right along with them. But the most challenging part for me has been the years as they get older, learning when to back off and let them figure things out for themselves. As they have grown into young adults, who will one day have their own children (and then I get to be Grand-Daddy!) I must continue to be there for them, but ever aware of their need to be strong, vibrant, and independent women who can take care of themselves. They still need their daddy, but the ways they need me has changed and I have done my best to adjust my role with their growth. Keys to dad's car, a few bucks for some clothes or makeup, or advice on how to handle a new situation. Recently, one of my girls has faced a huge personal challenge that has for the very first time in my 23 years of parenting pushed me outside of my comfort zone. For the first time I have been truly scared and have at times not known what to do. While I have spent hours researching and connecting with experts in their field, talking to to educators and advisors alike, I have relied on that same natural instinct that was passed to me by my amazing parents. I would do anyting to take the pain away. Anything, as any daddy would. And I am trusting my gut and doing my best to guide her through it.

My girls have truly made my dreams come true and I will be forever in debt to them for the joy they contuinue to bring me every day. I have enough memories in my brain to make me smile, and perhaps tear up a bit to last a lifetime. Have I earned the title of daddy? I think I have done the very best I can, always putting their needs before my own, and gone with my natural instinct to give them the very best life to look back on and the tools to take on the future. I will love them endlessly until my last breath on earth. But Daddy? In the end, that will be up to them.

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