#I think that its because my parents are in a loveless marriage and I will devour any crumbs of queer parents in media I can find

[jaylynx1412]

I am so normal about this show

I am so normal about the things I like and I do not have inherited obsessive compulsive and hoarding tendencies

[martian-astro10]

D9/ Navamsa chart observations - Part 4

Sun in 3rd shows that your spouse will either have a business of their own or even if they work for someone else, they'll be in a managerial position. As a result of this, your spouse will be focused more on their career than the marriage, and it could make you feel a bit lonely. (Jupiter in fire and water signs can balance this out)

Moon in 7th is a really good placement, i have seen this in the charts of female celebrities who have a handsome husband. so if we're going just by looks, then it's good. Your partner can be emotional and sensitive but they can also be moody, this placement is better if you have more earth signs in your chart. (i know a woman with this, and her husband is like okay but he can also be quite whiny sometimes, and also he acts like his hands are gonna fall down if he puts them inside the dirty dishes water, so, i just find him very annoying, so just make sure that there are planets in earth signs)

Mercury in 1st... I love it. A lot of "happily" married couples have it. This is a placement that makes you address the issues in your marriage. If you guys feel like there's something wrong, you're gonna approach your partner and talk to them about it. (i think that even if the conversation ultimately leads to divorce it's still better than just staying in a dull and loveless marriage, and if the problem gets solved, then great). I really have a soft spot for this one because a lot of strong women in my life have this and i just love the fact that they were brave enough to go against the society's rules, so if you have this placement, you're very very lucky and you'll have a good marriage, you know what you want and that's great. (this can also cause late marriage)

Venus in 1st, this one is not for your partner but for yourself, the number of celebrities that have this is just....shocking. If you want to work in the entertainment industry and you have this, go ahead, seriously, just give auditions, put videos on youtube, make reels, do it, you WILL be famous. (talking about the people that i know personally that have this placement, they're really creative as well, one of my sister's friend has sun conjunct Venus in 1st house and she's such a charismatic speaker and like really persuasive, this is helpful to her in regards to career, so even if you want to work in some other field, this placement makes you the best in that)

Mars in 4th.. I love this one as well. This makes your partner really protective of you and your kids (if you wish to have them). I used to think that this would make your spouse more protective of their parents (especially mother) rather than their partner, but I've been proven wrong, many many times. I have seen it play out right in front of my eyes, a lot of times, so I'll give examples. (if you're a woman, and your husbands family is talking shit about you, he won't like it at all and in some cases, may even move out of the house cuz they can't stand seeing you being humiliated. Another example, if you're being harassed then.. They're gonna get physical, and not because, someone touched THEIR wife, but because someone touched YOU, there's a huge difference. And if you're a man, you are LUCKY, your wife's gonna be like 5'1, but if someone's hurting you, she's gonna stand in front of you and be like "stop hurting my man, get the fuck away from him" and having that kind of support in your life is really rare)

Jupiter in 5th... DUDE, every person i know that has this have more than 2 kids, if its well placed then you're gonna be great parents and your children are gonna love you. Your partner is gonna love kids and that's why... More kids. If you're a woman, then please make sure that you marry someone who loves you just as much, because this is one of those placements that can cause "good parent but bad partner" thing. (I've also seen this placement in a lot of men's charts, who only marry a woman because they think she would make a good mother, which is not good, so be a little cautious of men with this)

Saturn in 10th, now if you're a woman and you have this, then please please marry a man who's okay with having a wife who's more career oriented (every woman should marry a man like that) but sometimes you'll see that a woman is forced to become a SAH wife and she's unhappy but she does it (even though she shouldn't) but women with this, they won't, they'll just get divorced instead, they DO NOT like staying at home (valid), a partner who encourages you to pursue your dreams will be the best. (i know a couple where the wife has this, he's a house husband but a good one, he actually does all the household chores and doesn't just laze around while his wife works, and they also love each other, and i love them 🥹)

Venus in 9th, i read on a lot of websites and books that these people should marry after 30 and i agree. An early marriage with this will lead to separation or an unhappy marriage. (i also noticed this to be true, but i couldn't find out WHY, like the reason). This is also an indicator of marrying someone from a different culture or background. Even more so if Venus is in movable signs.

Saturn in 5th, (bro my memory is so bad, i feel like I've already written about this but i can't fucking remember 😭😭), okay so this placement also delays childbirth, or you may end up having just one kid (which is not wrong), you may also have a kid after 30, Ranbir kapoor, priyanka chopra and deepika padukone have this. Even if you have ketu in 8th, this will happen because saturn has a stronger effect.

Mars in 2nd, this placement is like a double edged sword, your partner is gonna be a spendthrift but they manage to earn back that money just as fast, but here's the thing, it's like, you have to pay your rent on the 1st of a month, your partner uses that rent money to buy something for themselves, now you're stressed AS FUCK and on the 31st, out of nowhere, they're gonna give that same amount to you. I've seen this happen a lot. So you're just gonna be constantly stressed out. (this works well for people who themselves are spendthrifts, cuz none of you give a shit, so whatever)

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

[riizegasm]

Blossom || M. JH

❀ pairing: crown prince!myung jaehyun x princess!reader, implied fem!reader

❀ genre: royalty!au, arranged marriage!au, fluff, minor angst

❀ word count: ~4.6k

❀ warnings: very minor royalty-typical misogyny (not from jaehyun)

❀ summary: A loveless marriage isn't high on anyone's list of desires, especially yours. However, all it takes is a certain crown prince to show you that duty and desire don't always have to conflict. With a little nurturing, love, too, can blossom.

❀ a/n: The writer’s block was so real for this fic!! Despite that, I do think it turned out pretty well. I hope you guys think so too. As always, likes, replies, and reblogs are encouraged. Happy reading!

masterlist

Dreams of your wedding day always consisted of one thing: love. Ever since you were little, you imagined being married to none other than the love of your life. It didn’t matter what dress you were wearing, be it the custom garments of your kingdom or the ornate ceremonial dresses of another, because you would be marrying someone you loved. The cake could be flavorless and bland, and the crown that you wore could be heavy or feather light. None of that mattered. Because you would be in love. 

You were not in love with Crown Prince Myung Jaehyun. And yet, you were set to wed him anyway. 

Your stomach churns as the traditional shell calls of your kingdom go off, their airy whistle signifying the entrance of your guests. As the gilded doors to the throne room open, your breath remains caught in your throat as you lay eyes on the procession of people that enter. First, an older man, dressed in bright gem tones that match the ones in his crown. Then there’s a woman, her yellow and green satin dress flapping behind her in the wind. And finally, a young man. 

You don’t know what you expected the Crown Prince to look like, only having heard stories about how charming and personable he is. But when he enters the room, you are stunned by his appearance. He is breathtaking. 

His charisma bleeds off him in waves, emphasized by the kind smile he wears. It pulls his rounded cheeks upwards, boyish dimples indenting the golden surface. His gaze betrays some of his confidence, however, pupils shaking as they take in the room around him. It is only when he finally arrives at the center of the room, standing proudly next to his parents, that his eyes land on you.  

As a child, some of the aids in the palace used to tell you fantasy stories about what it felt like to be in love. They spoke of fluttering tummies and reddening cheeks, of a smile you’re unable to fight off and a lighter feeling when you’re around them. Looking at Crown Prince Myung Jaehyun gives you one of those four sensations, but by the glimmer in his eye, you’re sure it won’t be long before you check all of them off the list. 

“Welcome to Vyrona,” your father greets. “It is a pleasure to see you again, King Jaeseong, Queen Jirae.”

King Jaeseong grins, bowing his head in greeting. “It’s an honor, Your Majesty. I am delighted to introduce you to my son, Myung Jaehyun, the Crown Prince of Nexdor.”

The man in question bows at the waist, his crown not moving from its perfect position atop his light brown curls. “It’s an honor, Your Majesty.”

When Jaehyun returns to his upright position, his eyes find yours once again, not even bothering to continue to address the man in power. You can’t help but cock an eyebrow at the bold gesture, confused on why the man would choose to focus all of his attention on you instead of the conversation around him. At your silent question, Jaehyun just shoots you a small smirk, still refusing to break eye contact. 

“Well,” your father says, clapping his hands together once. “I am truly excited for the merging of our kingdoms. My daughter, Princess Y/N, is just as excited about the marriage as we are. I hope she is to your satisfaction, Prince Jaehyun.”

“She is breathtaking, Your Majesty. I would be honored to have her as my bride.”

Jaehyun speaks with conviction, words tinged with a hint of awe. It’s as if he genuinely believes what he’s saying, as if he is truly honored to be married to a woman he doesn’t even know. You can’t say that you necessarily agree. 

“Then it is settled,” your father declares. “Y/N will move to Nexdor in one month’s time, and the two of you will be wed in three.”

“That sounds lovely, Your Majesty,” Jaehyun beams. “I am looking forward to having such a gem come join us in Nexdor. I promise I will be nothing short of an amazing husband to your daughter.”

Your father chuckles, “I can tell.”

.         .         .

Lush grasses and sprawling gardens are all you can see as you peer out from your balcony. Nexdor has always been known as the “Green Kingdom”, but you were never able to experience it for yourself until this very moment. It makes sense that Nexdorians always have a lovely tan complexion and full, rounded faces. The sun is strong and the soil is rich, leading to plentiful harvests that never seem to wane. 

The pale color of the sky is dull in comparison to the rich ocean blue that you are used to in Vyrona, making you miss your sandy shores and the permanent sound of crashing waves. The wind doesn’t have a salty smell, but instead carries the mild scent of fresh flowers. Instead of crashing waves and gulls cawing, there are the faint squeals of livestock and the occasional bark of a dog. 

Nexdor seems to be teeming with life in the opposite way that you were used to in your kingdom. But you suppose the two simply exist as opposites, land and sea, sun and moon, meat and fish. You wonder if you and Jaehyun will exist as opposites as well, or if you can find some way to overcome your innate differences for the sake of the marriage. 

“Your highness?” A voice calls, punctuated by a firm rap of knuckles against the wooden doorframe. 

A glance over your shoulder reveals Jaehyun standing there, dressed much more casually than you had priorly seen him. It’s a good look on him, looser, relaxed garments and unkempt curls. He looks youthful and relaxed, undeniably attractive in the confident set of his shoulders and the soft smile he wears. It makes you wonder why rumors always raved about his personality rather than his looks. You guess he just must be that charming. 

“Come in,” you call from the balcony, not bothering to continue to look as the man approaches. 

In your periphery, you can make out the man leaning his forearms on the wooden railing of the balcony. He seems to be taking in the scenery, much like you are, eyes fluttering shut as a warm breeze begins to blow. 

“How are you settling in, Your Highness?”

You scoff. “We are set to be wed in a few months. I don’t think we quite need to refer to each other by title, don’t you agree?”

Jaehyun chuckles, ducking his head so it hangs between his shoulders. When he straightens up, he props his head in his hand, twisting his upper body to face you. You try your best not to stare at the slope of his nose or the plush of his lips, fighting the heat that is rising to your cheeks. 

“I guess you’re right. How are you settling in, Y/N?”

The flutter through your core has you taking a deep breath to steel your nerves. “It has been fine, I suppose. It has only been about an hour, so I can’t say that I have seen much. But it’s beautiful. Your kingdom is beautiful.”

Jaehyun’s smile widens, gaze never once leaving your own. “It surely is.”

There’s a moment of silence as you turn back to take in the scenery, letting the warmth of the sun caress your face. The Crown Prince simply continues to regard you, shameless in the way he scans your face. The undivided attention has anxiety bubbling in your abdomen. Never before had you been on the receiving end of such a stare, not during the numerous balls you had attended or during any royal appearances outside of the palace. 

“Is everything okay?” You ask softly, voice shaking with uncertainty. 

“Do you like flowers?”

The question takes you aback. “I suppose I do.”

“Which is your favorite?”

“I have always been quite fond of azaleas, specifically the bright pink ones. They tend to grow on bushes not too far from the shores of Vyrona.”

Jaehyun just smiles, nodding softly. “That suits you.”

When he finally turns to look out at the landscape, your shoulders sag in relief, no longer the sole object of the prince’s attention. You wonder if he is often like this, wide eyes sparkling as they take in every detail. Do his cheeks always dimple, or is it only when he smiles on certain occasions? Does his mouth always look so plush as it parts to form slow syllables?

“How are you feeling about the marriage?” His voice is softer as he speaks this time. “I mean how do you really feel, not the answer they make you rehearse in etiquette class.”

His request for candor makes you smile. “I don’t quite know, yet. You know, as a young girl, they tell you stories about the glamor of finding a husband and getting married. But I’m not quite sure what to expect anymore.”

“Are you saying I’m not glamorous enough for you, princess?”

You can’t help but giggle as the man places his cheeks in his palms, fluttering his eyelashes repeatedly. There’s something in the tilt of his head and the fanning of his eyelashes that truly is glamorous, but you fear the result of telling him so. Instead, you just roll your eyes playfully. 

“You know what I mean.”

Jaehyun smiles, finally dropping his pose in favor of leaning back against the railing. “I do. But in all fairness, we have only known each other for mere hours. If you give me the chance, I promise I will try to make this life glamorous for you.”

You return his smile, trying not to stare too hard at the way the sun highlights his Cupid’s bow. “I’d expect nothing less.”

.          .          .

Wedding preparations are more strenuous than you could have ever imagined. Dress fittings and pastry tastings prove to be tiresome, while ballroom dance lessons leave your feet sore and aching. You spend hours per day learning about Nexdorian customs and ceremonial practices, all with the expectation of having them memorized in less than two months. 

As exhausting as it is, having Jaehyun by your side makes everything a little easier. 

You grow accustomed to the way he whispers jokes under his breath when the history teacher drones on and on about traditional wedding practices. He busts silly dance moves and makes funny faces during ballroom class, stopping at nothing to simply make you laugh. Everything he does in your presence proves to be for the sake of making you comfortable. 

You hate to admit that it works like a charm, making you smile even when you’re feeling extra homesick. Just thinking about his soft jokes and melodious laugh is enough to bring heat to your cheeks. It’s odd to acknowledge that Jaehyun is simply perfect, and he’s about to be yours. He works hard to prove himself to you everyday, as if his devotion to making you comfortable can be substituted for the lack of love. 

Maybe you can mistake it as such.

When Jaehyun knocks on your door with a picnic basket and a blanket in hand, it’s easy to mistake it as love. When he leads you out to a meadow dotted with purple and yellow flowers with a hand on your waist, it’s easy to mistake it as love. When he tucks a vibrant purple blossom behind your ear, it’s easy to mistake it as love. 

Even now, as soft winds ruffle Jaehyun’s curls as he tilts his head back, facing the sun, you wonder if this could be love. He looks extremely serene with his eyes closed and dimpled cheeks, a soft smile permanently gracing his face. You don’t think you’ve seen him frown once since you have moved into the palace, the man always wide eyed and positive down to his core. 

“You know,” Jaehyun starts, eyes still closed. “You do a lot of staring at me.”

Instantly, you avert your eyes, fighting the heat rising to your cheeks. “Consider it payback for how much you stare at me.”

Jaehyun opens his eyes, shooting you a small smirk. “Well, can you blame me? You’re gorgeous.”

“And you’re quite the flatterer.”

“I hardly think it’s a crime to compliment my fiancé.”

For some reason, the word makes you cringe, harshly gripping the picnic blanket underneath your fingers. It’s hardly the first time you’ve heard him refer to you as such, but it always leaves a stale taste in your mouth. 

“Does it not bother you?” You question. “The fact that we are set to be wed and we have only known each other for mere months?”

Jaehyun sighs. “I think the strength of a connection cannot be determined by the time spent together, don’t you?”

The implication has your heart pounding in your chest. “Are you saying that we have a strong connection?”

For a moment, there is mere silence, only interrupted by the soft rustle of leaves in the wind. Jaehyun seems calm as he begins to lean forward, only stopping mere inches from your face. The close proximity has your breath stuttering in your chest, still not used to Jaehyun’s confidence in displays of affection. 

“I feel it,” Jaehyun murmurs softly, eyes momentarily flicking down to your lips. They return to your eyes just as quickly. “Don’t you?”

A flutter runs through your core as Jaehyun’s tongue darts out to run across his bottom lip. 

“I-I do,” you whisper, breath stuck in your throat. 

With a bright smile, Jaehyun pulls away, forcing you to come back to your senses. 

“Good,” he beams. “Now let’s eat.”

It’s almost as if the man can sense his effect on you, constantly meeting you with fleeting touches and secretive grins in the coming days. After the picnic, he makes a point to surprise you with a random wildflower each day, always tucking it behind your ear as if leaving a garnish on an exquisite dish. His fingers will lightly trace your jaw as they retreat, leaving a path of flames in his wake. 

His touch emboldens you, allowing you to reciprocate his affections bit by bit. As the days pass, you begin to lean into the hands that guide you by the waist. You joke alongside him, feeling free to put on your silliest face and tell your cringiest jokes. 

It begins to feel like a relationship, one that goes beyond the simple pressures of royal duty. Smiles begin to turn purposeful instead of secretive. Knowing glances are exchanged as you both seek each other out in a crowded room. Pulses go from racing at the first glimpse of each other to mellowing out when the other finally makes an appearance. 

In a month’s time, you will be married to Crown Prince Myung Jaehyun. And for the first time in a long time, you start to believe that maybe love will make an appearance at your wedding after all. 

.         .         .

The days when Jaehyun leaves you by your lonesome prove to be the hardest. You understand, of course. He is the Crown Prince with a plethora of obligations to his Kingdom, unable to solely sit back and prepare for the wedding like you do. Ruling comes first, always, even before being a fiancé. 

It’s a particularly gloomy day when an aid informs you that Jaehyun will be in political meetings all day to address a recent conflict at the northern border. With soft rain pelting the windows, you have no other option than to explore the palace. 

Polished wood squeaks under the weight of your slippers as you roam the seemingly endless halls. Every room that you pass seems to serve a different purpose, some being bedrooms while others are studies. You even find yourself in a room lined with portraits of past rulers and their families, each one telling a little bit of the history of Nexdor. Adjacent to the portrait of King Jaeseong and his family lies an empty space, just waiting for the portrait of Jaehyun and his family to fill it. You cringe at the thought of your face permanently plastered here for any wandering eye to see. 

Further down the hall from the portrait room seems to be a series of meeting rooms, each one with a different set up. As you venture down the hall, a half opened door piques your interest. But just as you move to push the door open, a frustrated groan stops you in your tracks. 

“I promise you, Father. I’m not losing focus.” There’s a frustrated edge to Jaehyun’s voice that you have never experienced before. “I know what I need to do to rule my country.”

“Clearly, you don’t!” King Jaeseong booms. “Instead of attending to your duties at Crown Prince, you are too worried about caring for the princess. You cannot let petty feelings get in the way of you ruling this kingdom to the best of your ability.”

“Feelings?” Jaehyun scoffs. “This marriage is purely political, you know that just as well as I do. I don’t even care for her. She is simply set to be my wife for our kingdom’s gain, and that is it.”

Despite King Jaeseong’s reply, the words seem to echo throughout the empty hallway, setting off a ringing in your ears. 

You release a shaky sigh, feeling your heart plummet to the pit of your core. The corners of your eyes begin to sting with the force of incoming tears, forcing you to blink rapidly to keep them at bay. It’s impossible to tune into the rest of the conversation, your mind having shut down after hearing Jaehyun’s comment. With no other choice, you flee back down the hallway, seeking nothing more than the solace of your room. 

What feels like hours pass as you simply stare up at your ceiling, letting your emotions ebb and flow like waves against the shore. As devastated as you are, you can’t help but be upset with yourself more than anything. Jaehyun was right, after all. The marriage is simply political. There is no place for feelings in ruling a kingdom, the fairy tales you were told as a kid being nothing more than just that, tales. 

Yet another part of you aches at the thought of Jaehyun viewing you as a political move. All the jokes and smiles were nothing more than what would be displayed at a public hearing. The fleeting touches and the brushes of fingers against bare skin existed simply to placate a political tide. What has begun to feel like more has been reduced to a political pawn game. 

Your chances at being in love had been squashed. 

So, you began to reciprocate. Gone were the giggles when Jaehyun cracked a joke in history class. Attempts at getting sidetracked during ballroom dance lessons were met with a blank stare. Picnic requests were denied and touches dodged. After all, there are no feelings involved in politics. 

It seems like the change takes a while for Jaehyun to register, meeting your blank stares with concerned gazes and questioning looks. His fingers halt in midair when you flinch away from his touch, clearly still hoping to grasp onto you. Dimpled smiles turn into exaggerated pouts when you deny him time and time again. You would find his reactions cute, if not for the reason this is all happening. 

It’s all political, you remind yourself. 

It isn’t until a few days before the wedding that Jaehyun seems to have had enough. He corners you after a particularly grueling ballroom practice, grabbing you by the hand. His grip is tight enough that you aren’t able to pull away, helplessly following along as he drags you through the palace corridors. 

The two of you end up in the portrait room, with the eyes of all of the past rulers staring down at you. It’s only when you come to a stop that Jaehyun releases his grip from your hand. The man is clearly irritated, cheeks ruddy and eyes glassy. If you didn’t know any better, you would think he had been crying. 

“What is going on?” 

You fight the urge to roll your eyes. “I have no idea what you mean.”

“Our wedding is in a few days and you have been ignoring me!” Jaehyun sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I just want to know what happened. I thought…I thought—,”

“You thought what?”

“I thought that you were learning to love me! I thought that you were beginning to feel the same way.”

Jaehyun’s exasperation rings loud in the otherwise silent room. His chest heaves with the force of his words, fingers twitching as they seek something to grasp. You can’t help but scoff at his demeanor. 

“Feel the same way? You were the one who said that I’m only going to be your wife for the kingdom’s political gain!” A hot feeling begins to bloom in your chest as you remember the encounter. “I believe your exact words were, ‘I don’t even care for her.’”

Jaehyun’s face falls, eyes glossy. “You heard that?”

“Of course I did,” you mumble, crossing your arms over your chest. “I was walking around the palace and I heard you meeting with your father.”

“You don’t—I meant—just…I promise it’s not what you think!”

“I heard you loud and clear, Jaehyun. You can’t take back your words now.”

“I know, but I promise I didn’t mean that.” Jaehyun sighs. “Can you follow me for a second? Please, I just need to show you something.”

Jaehyun’s hand is shaking as he offers it to you, reaching out with his last shred of hope. His eyes bore holes into you, as if looking at you can keep his tears at bay. It takes a few moments of staring at the hand, taking in its subtle tremor, before you finally exhale, letting your palm meet his. The smile that he shoots you is blinding, forcing you to look away from its power. 

You struggle to keep up as Jaehyun practically runs down the hallways, hair flapping in the wind. It reminds you of a puppy, how overeager he is, and you imagine that if he had a tail, it would be fiercely wagging. Every so often, he looks back, shooting you a smile that has a stampede running through your abdomen. 

With the speed that you two are moving at, you seem to arrive at your destination in no time. Jaehyun’s panting as he leads you to a final door, sunlight flooding your vision as he pushes it open. Trekking down a pair of outdoor steps leaves you along the eastern palace wall, the once empty space now a sight that makes your jaw drop. 

Numerous flower beds and bushes form a maze along the rich soil, some of them still only budding. Even though many of the flowers are not yet in full bloom, it’s easy to tell what they will be. A specific set of hot pink buds on a nearby bush steals your breath away. 

You release Jaehyun’s hand as you walk deeper into the garden, squatting in front of the bush to see if your eyes are deceiving you. It’s hard to be sure as you squint, but when a breeze blows, flooding your senses with an all too familiar fragrance, there’s no mistaking it for anything else. 

“Azaleas?” You breathe. “But how? They don’t grow here. The closest azaleas are in—,”

“Vyrona,” Jaehyun interrupts. “The closest azaleas are a few hundred miles away, but I had some staff travel to uproot some to bring here.”

You’re frozen in place as Jaehyun approaches, utterly breathless. “But why?”

“Because you said they were your favorite.”

As Jaehyun closes the gap between you two, you find yourself blinking back tears. This time, when he attempts to gather your hands in his, you let him, not daring to put up a fight. Slowly, he brings your left hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss on your knuckles before repeating the move with your right hand. 

“Y/N, I wasn’t lying when I said I felt a connection between us. From the day I first saw you, I knew I would do anything for you, and I still will.” Jaehyun lets out a wet chuckle. “You know, if we weren’t already set to be wed I would have proposed to you again, right here in this spot. That’s how much I want to be with you.”

You shake your head, fighting a grimace. “But, your father…”

“I only said what I had to in order to appease him. He is nervous that I’m losing focus of my duties and losing sight of what I need to do for the kingdom. And honestly, he’s right. Because these days, all I can think about is you.”

The feeling is undoubtedly reciprocated, but the words to tell him such remain caught in your throat. All you are able to muster is a questioning hum. 

“You’re constantly on my mind to the point where I feel like a fool. I can’t seem to stop talking about you to anyone who might listen, my father included. Honestly, I have never experienced love before, princess. But to the extent I do, I want to experience it with you.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, trying your best not to get lost in the reflection of you in Jaehyun’s eyes. “I want to experience it with you, too.”

Dimples indent Jaehyun’s cheeks as a relieved smile crosses his face. He uses his grip on your hands to pull you even closer, causing you to stumble into his chest. Both of your hands fall to his chest to stabilize yourself, while his own fall to your waist. This close, you can see the soft shadows that his eyelashes cast on his cheeks and the sharp swell of his Cupid’s bow.

You find yourself thinking the same thing that you thought when you first saw the Prince. He is breathtaking. 

“Jaehyun…” you trail off, watching the way his tongue darts out to trace his bottom lip. 

“Will you let me love you, princess?”

A small nod is all you’re able to get out before a soft pair of lips meet yours. 

Jaehyun kisses the way you would imagine a young prince would, unrestrained and confident. He takes the lead in letting his lips blanket yours, grip tightening around your waist as he draws you in for more. It’s addicting, the way he strikes a balance between giving and taking that leaves you panting when you both pull away. 

“Let’s get married,” Jaehyun breathes out, letting his forehead rest on yours. 

You can’t fight the giggle that bubbles up in your chest. “We already are next week.”

“Oh, right.”

At his sheepish tone, you can’t help but laugh fully, throwing your head back in an unrestrained fit of giggles. The sight proves contagious, as Jaehyun’s laughs begin to harmonize with yours. It’s an addicting sensation, to hear the laughs of your fiancé while the fragrance of your favorite flower fills your nose. 

“Jaehyun,” you whisper after you are able to tame your fit of giggles. “Thanks for making this all feel a little more glamorous.”

Jaehyun just smiles, giving your waist a light squeeze. “You don’t have to thank me. I promise that I’ll do whatever I can to make each day feel more glamorous than the last.”

You nod, feeling the sun warm your lips as you smile softly. 

“I’d expect nothing less.”

.FIN.

[thebluemoonjune]

The Sounds Of A Black Dahlia- Prologue

Summary:

8 years after marrying into a rich but cruel and messed-up family, Michonne, a loving mother and dutiful wife, finds herself in the middle of a brewing storm that may take everything she cares for, all while an unexpected member of the family returns, wanting to cause even more chaos and uproot her already troublesome life. AU Richonne centred. The first chapter is the prologue.

Today was the day—the day that her life would undoubtedly change forever. She ground her teeth in anxious worry, rocking back and forth or side to side as her fingers sought out anything she could hold onto. She looked regal as he stared at herself in the mirror, heart stumbling over its own rhythm. She couldn’t take it anymore. She got up, deciding it was best to work off her anxiety by pacing the room.

Girl, relax! Your heart is beating so fast, it’ll burst!

“Michonne! Calm down! You're getting yourself all worked up over nothing.”

“Me getting married is nothing, Sasha?”

“You told me months ago you loved this man. Your families may have pushed for this, but you told me it was okay because you fell in love with him. So why so nervous.”

“I just turned twenty… What the hell do I know about being a wife? What if I’m not ready? What if I mess up? My brother always says I’m childish. What if he thinks that? He’s six years older than me, after all. What if he changes his mind?” Michonne covered her face as her mind ran a marathon and Maggie snatched them from her.

“Stop it! You’ll mess up your makeup! I am not gonna let my best friend get married looking a damn hot mess! Get your shit together! As Sasha said, you said you loved him; this is something both your families want. It’s good you got feelings for him because you’d still have to marry him if your folks get their way. And could you, being a hopeless romantic, imagine a loveless marriage? You get to marry your first love; your first time will be with your husband; damn, he was your first kiss! He is also from one of the wealthiest families in the country and the world. You are living a fairy tale and you deserve it because you are the sweetest person I know!”

“I what if he’s having second thoughts? I’d be so embarrassed!” Sasha rolled her eyes, and going to her side.

“You told us he is the kindest, amazing, sweetest, funniest, protective, charming, understanding, most patient guy you had ever met. That’s not me exaggerating!” The three giggled as they tried to contain their emotions. “Those are your words. Honestly, Maggie and I were worried. You don’t have any experience, and it was clear your family was pushing this, but to hear how you spoke about him, it gave me relief.”

“It gave us relief.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Really! Do you wanna marry him? Believe it or not, he is not who matters here. Chonnie, you are so young and you may love him, but that’s not all it takes. You gotta be sure about these things.”

“Maggie!”

“Let her answer. Let her think about it. This is a goddamn life-changing decision, and she’s never even had sex. His dick could be small for all we know and she just goes in. We gotta know that she loves him regardless. That this, is what she wants, not her parents’ eagerness confusing her. I don’t want her to make a mistake either way.”

“Okay! Okay, I see your point—”

“I love him. I want to marry him… I do!”

“Are you sure? Think about it!”

“I’m sure, Maggie.”

“Well, you heard our girl!”

“I’m getting married!” Their mouths pulled into a silent O, increasingly as they processed the news. They soon began screaming in excitement.

The three of them held hands. Now that her friends had calmed her down, she smiled so widely, her eyes nearly pinched shut. At the same time, a knock came, and her brother Michael peeked his head in the door.

“You know, Mike, when one knocks, they usually wait for a response.” Michonne threw daggers at him and he rolled his eyes, letting himself in.

“Shut up. I see you guys worked your magic, She actually looks like a person—an adult, even. She ready?”

“She just needs her veil, but emotionally, she’s ready.” Sasha tucked it in Michonne’s hair, letting it fall over her face and she eyed Mike up and down.

“Alright, you guys, go let the others know so we can get this show on the road. My dad will come for her at the walkway.”

“Okay!” The two sent kisses and left.

“You look beautiful.” His eyes softened as he held her cheek. ���Are you sure you're ready? I’ll talk to Mom and Dad. You don’t—”

“I’m ready. I promise.”

“Okay, I’m heading back. Meet us at the walkway in ten minutes.”

Michonne approached the mirror, lifted her veil, and observed herself. Her hands were balled into fists, covering her smile, big eyes gleaming over her knuckles. Her heart was still beating, but she was content as she admired her long-sleeved, ivory-stone, lace, round-neck wedding gown. Though modest, displaying no cleavage and merely her neckline, and rather traditional, it was a stunning gown. She realised why her mother chose it. They couldn't allow the media any room for criticism since they married into a white, rich family. She had to be flawless. She considered spinning around to check behind her, but decided against it since her long veil might tangle. It was time for her to leave. She shouldn’t dilly-dally any longer. She hiked up her dress and walked out the door, only to be graced by an unexpected soul leaning on the wall in a brown suit, puffing on a cigarette.

What is he doing here?

“Rick?” Surprised, she couldn’t help calling out his name. He cast his gaze in her direction, allowing their eyes to meet.

“Oh… Hey. Everyone’s waiting for you. Your bridesmaids are already in position.”

“I know; thank you for the information.”

She always wanted to say as little to him as possible. He always made her uncomfortable, like she was an outsider he would never see as anything else. So polite, it came off cold. His eyes were never still, and he only glimpsed at her in passing. Today, however, he seemed more laid back.

I didn’t even know he smoked.

“Congrats, by the way.”

“For what?

“I heard your girlfriend Lori had a baby boy.” He smiled, clearly thinking about his newborn.

“Yeah… His name is Carl.”

“Given that I’ll be his new aunt, I’ll have to get him a good gift.”

She let out an innocent smile in his direction. Rick’s eyes narrow, studying her from head to toe, causing her scepticism to be reflected by a single lifted brow. He chuckled at her reaction. Keeping his blue eyes on her, he put out his cigarette, outing it on the wall, walking right up to her and invading her space.

“Why are you doing this?”

“What?” Her brows formed a deep, perplexed wrinkle as she examined his face for answers she couldn’t find.

“You don’t have to do this, you know? Are you so afraid of Mommy and Daddy that you’d get married without so much of a peep?”

“I—”

“You ain’t one of us. You’re never gonna be one of us… It doesn’t matter who you marry or what last name you got; you don’t got our blood. You ain’t like us and you’re never gonna be like us. You can run right now. I’ll cover for you. It’ll be a little embarrassing for my brother, but he’ll thank both of us when things calm down… Trust me, this is for the best.” She blinked hurriedly, her pupils dilating as she struggled to make sense of the contradicting information.

“What is your problem with me?”

“I don’t have a problem with you; this is just advice.”

“Yes, you do! You treat me like I’m beneath you, like an afterthought.”

“Am I supposed to be friendly with you? We’re not friends; this marriage is all business too. You okay with rushing into a marriage that neither of you want?”

“What do you know! I am getting married, whether you like it or not. You don’t have the blood or the name either! Everybody knows that! So how can you stand there and insult me? I haven’t done anything to you. When I sign that marriage certificate, I’ll have the name since it’s so important to you! My children will have the blood too; that’s more than you. You are a Grimes. You aren’t one of them either…” His vast blue eyes widened in dismay before becoming dark and serious with acceptance.

“You’re right… I’m not.” His lips pulled down in a comical frown. “I—”

“Michonne!”

His expression caught her off guard. Nausea churned her stomach the more she looked at him and the more ashamed she felt. He was about to say something but the sharp voice of her father came from behind, stopping them in their tracks.

“Michonne, your late!”

“Sorry!”

Michonne hurriedly snatched up her dress with all its weight and dashed to her father’s side, who assisted with the train. She took a couple of steps forward and twisted her neck to catch a glimpse of Rick. He was leaning against the wall, a new cigarette in his lips, and looking aimlessly at the floor. She could not focus on him right now. She was set to get married. She pushed those strange thoughts to the back of her mind and concentrated on what lay ahead. Her father tucked her hand under his arm as they approached the chapel.

“Michonne.”

“Daddy?”

“You have to remember to do your wifely duties. You listen to your husband and honour his parents. Always remember your place. After today, you are a Walsh. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Daddy…” She understood exactly what he meant. From today on, she was not their concern and she shouldn’t make mistakes that would reflect badly on them, regardless of whether she lived well or not. Her typically bright visage had darkened and become withdrawn.

“Good.” He tapped her hand repeatedly in acceptance, and his lips curled into a sneer.

They finally entered, and seeing her soon-to-be husband, all those bad thoughts faded away. He gazed at her with a light smile on his face. She had a maid of honour, Sasha, who clarified that the position was hers and Maggie was her bridesmaid; she had no others, not even her sister. Shane’s party also had two people, including his brother Monty, who served as his best man. He originally hoped for Rick, but he rejected it for unknown reasons. It didn't matter; everything was marvellous. Going down the aisle brought everything into perspective for her. Even with Sasha and Maggie’s assistance, she could feel the train of her gown and veil trailing behind her. They made it after what felt like a long journey. Her father handed her away, and her fiancé placed her hand in his. The chaplain delivered his sermon, and she was in a daze until they exchanged vows and said, ‘I do’ to cap it all off. The couple signed their papers in front of the media. 

“Alright, I need the married couple. Mr. and Mrs. Walsh, I need a picture of you cutting the cake, then we’ll go to the gardens.”

They followed the photographer’s wishes. They fed each other cake and Michonne grinned ear to ear the entire time. She didn’t know why she was so nervous in the first place. During it all, her newlywed husband was quiet during all of it, He was never much of a talker so she paid it no mind. He held her lower back and lifted her dress as he guided her to the garden. They took various photos. There was one particular one that stood out. She was standing next to him under a large, royal white-flowering redbud tree. Its sweet pea scent filled the air with a gentle, lovely fragrance. Michonne closed her eyes and inhaled the soothing scent that brushed across her nose. They were supposed to look ahead but it didn’t work out that way. Next to her husband, a baby duck had fallen behind, drawing his attention from the shoot and causing her to gaze at him. The photographer was going to delete it and try again but Michonne went to see it as she had done with all the others. His eyes looked sad, staring at the baby duck, which made her giggle. She was staring at him, basket in concern, with an outstretched hand

So sensitive! But it’s adorable. I want it.

“I like it; let’s keep it!” She called him over to show him. “Cute, right?”

“You don’t gotta keep it… We can take better ones.” She shook her head in protest.

“Nope, I’m keeping it. We can show our children how sensitive their daddy is.” She let out a sweet laugh. “Are you embarrassed? Is that why you don’t want to?” He looked at his feet for a moment before returning eye contact with her with a soft smile.

“If it makes you happy, we’ll keep it.” Her eyes were alight with joy as she giggled uncontrollably.

“I love you, Shane.” He took her hand, placing a gentle kiss on her fingers. “When we’re done, we can go to the pond and feed the ducks.”

“Hmm.”

“Redbud trees look nice.” She reached out to him, straightening his tux.

“Hmm.”

“There is a longstanding myth that Judas Iscariot hanged himself from a tree of this species... And yet, since the leaves are heart-shaped, it makes for a beautiful symbolic display of love that everyone has come to associate them with… Funny, isn’t it?”

“Hmm.”

“Is grunting all you’re going to do, my dear husband?”

“No.”

“Well, then, talk with me. What do you like and what do you hate? Did you enjoy the cake?”

“I enjoyed the cake... Today is your day; it ain’t about me.” His eyes dropped again. “It’s our day—it’s our wedding. Shane, it’s about the both of us; don’t forget that.”

“It’s time for the family portrait.” 

Both sets of relatives gathered in the sea of royal white-flowering redbud trees. Sasha and Maggie fixed her gown, and the photographer positioned everyone right away. In the mids of things, Michonne caught that some people weren't present. She scanned the surrounding area and noticed Rick standing by the side, under a tree, with his girlfriend, Lori, as she held their baby boy.

“Wait!”

“What’s wrong?”

“Rick isn’t here. He’s your brother; he should be here. Same as Carl and Lori.” Shane came to a realisation when he heard his wife’s words. His little brother wasn’t there. Following Michonne’s line of sight. He caught him in his view and waived him over.

“Rick! Come on, man! Don’t keep us waiting!” Rick stood there, unwilling to move. It was Lori who forced him over. “Alright! Now that lover-boy is here, let’s do this.” Shane slapped his brother on the back.

Since the reception was held in the gardens as well, they evacuated the media so Michonne could finally relax and not worry about how she looked to others. Everyone was having a merry old time. Sasha was harassing her brother Mike and Maggie was down drinking. Shane had gone with his father and brother, talking to business associates. She was sitting at the table alone when her mother-in-law Eleanor, sat next to her.

“Not taking part in the festivities?”

“I’m okay.”

“Mhmm. You know, Michonne, I like you.”

“Huh?”

“I see a lot of myself in you.” Eleanor reached out and played with Michonne’s diamond earring. “You’re a sweet, young girl, yes, even naive. No doubt your parents had you under lock and key. I’d say that you’d be eaten up and swallowed whole, but I see this spark in you—this resilience, this loyalty… You’ll be a good wife for my son. He doesn’t need some floozie who thinks a baby is gonna make all her dreams come true. You’re a good, smart girl who will learn and survive. It’s why my cunt of a husband and I chose you. My son needs someone like you by his side.”

“I don’t—I don’t think I understand…” She admitted, her voice carrying the resignation of someone who had yet to find answers. Eleanor withdrew her hand from the clueless girl.

“Of course not, dear, but you will, given time. A word of advice, keep your thoughts to yourself; do not care what anyone else has to say and you’ll be just fine. I know a diamond when I see it… I’ve enjoyed this talk.”

Eleanor got up, leaving Michonne spluttering incoherent sounds, as if her thoughts were too tangled to express. Eleanor was always sweet to her. She didn’t quite understand much of their cryptic discussion nor did her mother-in-law wish to explain it. Michonne didn’t know just how valuable those words would come to mean or their weight. She was in thought until her husband came to fetch her.

“Are you ready?

“Mhmm.”

...

8 years, 9 months later

They stood over what seemed to be a lifeless corpse, Michonne’s white heels stained with fresh blood. Time slows as the gravity of the situation weighs it down. She grabbed her chest, her fingers quivering, as if attempting to keep her pounding heart from escaping. Then she put her quivering tips against her temples, attempting to calm the frenetic ideas racing through her skull, each one a teasing reminder of her rising terror. Their breath came in jagged, uneven gasps, as if their lungs strained to suck in oxygen within the crushing grasp of dread, each inhaling a war against their own panic as their eyes met. They were fucked.

...

...

...

Now that the prologue is complete, the key points to properly understanding this story are colour, styling, clothing, relationships, and references to sayings and myth. The colours will tell you a lot or lead you astray. I put both negative and positive for a reason. Sometimes one will apply, and sometimes both will apply. I was listening to the succession theme the whole time I was writing Chapter One while listening to Jon and Daenerys love theme/suite, plus it was also an element mix of the Og Dynasty and Bold and the Beautiful. Og characters will be in this as main players, along with Richonne, Carl, Shane, Andrea, Magna, Maggie, Sasha, Beth, Daryl, Negan, Phillip, and Jessie. I don’t know if I missed someone; I probably did. So I have a little chart that will be updated as the story goes on. It is not a necessity but to keep track as the story goes on...if it goes on. you can skip everything below!

Family Chart

…

THE WALSH’s

Original Branch

…

Ronan Lucius Walsh II

Ronan Lucius Walsh III (66), Patrick Friedrich Walsh (42), Cillian Artorius Walsh (63),  John (61) Castus Walsh, Joseph Caesar Walsh (58)

Branch 1.1

    John Castus Walsh (61), Eleanor Olivier Grimes-Walsh (55),

Shane Johnathan Walsh (34), Shawn Montgomery Walsh (32),  Kendall Oliva Walsh {K} (28)

Branch 1.2

John Castus Walsh (61),  Andrea Holden (36)

Alexander Malcolm Walsh (18), Andrew John Walsh (11)

Branch 2.1

Shane Johnathan Walsh (34), Michonne Marie Walsh {Chonne} (28)

Andre John Anthony Walsh{AJ} (6), Maliyah Olivier Marie Walsh {Lia} (3)

Branch 2.2

Shawn Montgomery Walsh {Monty} (32), Magna Anders (27)

N/A

GRIMES’

Eleanor Olivier Walsh-Grimes , James Augustus Remus??

Richard Daniel Grimes {Rick} (30), Lori Wayne (30)

Carl Arthur Grimes (8)

HAWTHORNE’s

Michael Mace Hawthorne (59), Michelle Marie Hawthorne (55)

Michael Micah Hawthorne {Mike}(33), Macie Maya Hawthorne (31), Michonne Marie Walsh (28)

Chapter-1

Chapter-2

[drakaripykiros130ac]

https://www.tumblr.com/drakaripykiros130ac/733734559744753664/exhausting-wasnt-it-hiding-beneath-the-cloak

THIS.

I think a lot of people purposely forget that Aemond was older then jace and luke and held a large rock over Jace's head and threatened them with death "feed you to my dragon" and "you will in flames just as your father did." And called them bastards, which is TREASON in this universe. So it's not *just* an insult. It's an insult that means death and or exile if thought true. Esp if the woman is the one who did it. (Never see anyone hating on Ned for bringing home Jon and keeping him as a bastard instead of making a story how he had found a baby with no parents instead of making his wife and kids and his friends think and joke about cheating on his wife.)

I also think its funny how tg *forgets* Rhae was forced (FORCED. Just like Alicent. Btw) into a loveless marriage to a gay man. (And in the book she is 16/17 so by our standers she is ALSO a child bride that fans tell us Alicent is)

And I just know a lot of hotd stans (especially for tg) didn't read f&b bc Alicent, when hearing of Luke and Jace's deaths goes, "bastard blood shed at war." 🤷

You speak true! Rhaenyra, just like Alicent, was a child bride. Just like Alicent, she was forced into a marriage of convenience. But the main difference between them is that Alicent had gained nothing but privileges as the wife of the King and having the possibility to give birth to legitimate children by him. She had been given plenty of advantages for herself and for her gold digging family.

Rhaenyra was not so lucky. Her marriage to Laenor brought her nothing but trouble and hardship, and Alicent mercilessly took advantage of that. Rhaenyra was the Heir to the Throne. She needed to produce heirs more than Alicent did. Rhaenyra was already in a vulnerable situation. She needed to at least prove her fertility and give birth to heirs so she could solidify her position. Laenor stood in the way of that, because he obviously couldn’t put a child in her no matter how much they tried.

And so, Rhaenyra had no choice but to take a lover who gave her children of questionable parentage. Children she loved, and children who although proved her fertility, constantly put Rhaenyra is a defensive state.

The poor girl was between a rock and a hard place. Either have children who are not Laenor’s, or not do anything, have no children, and let the greens whisper poisonous and treasonous words around Court of how Rhaenyra is barren and unfit to be Queen because she has no heirs. Either way, the greens would have found arguments to use against her ascension, and steal her inheritance.

Rhaenyra knows more about ‘duty’ and ‘sacrifice’ than Alicent ever did.

[lolotheparagon]

What are the various Rogues' opinions on Scarecrow's new daughters minions?

Riddler:

I know I’m the best supervillain Gotham has ever seen, but I always had a humble respect for Crane. The man has elicited terror and fear thoroughout Gotham for many years and is a profilic terrorist and scientist. So it baffles the mind that he has taken upon himself to be a parent, oh wait I mean (snickers) boss to a bunch of tiny pastel ponies so he can scare the whole populace. It’s almost comical how stupid that plan is. Oh sure, the average Neanderthal slumping around the streets would be scared of these sickeningly cute critters. But that’ll wear off soon enough and you don’t see Two-Face or Harley Quinn afraid of them! What will be your plan next? Face it, Crane. You just want to play house with these ponies because you’re so desperate to have a goal in your life, you’ve resorted to parenthood like a lonely housewife in a loveless marriage. Pathetic!…What? What do I think of the ponies themselves? What’s there to talk about? They’re annoying, disgustingly cute and clearly lack any intelligence whatsoever! They’re also relentless, whenever Crane’s not around, they always force me to partake in their juvenile games. Do I look like a babysitter to you?!

Penguin:

Don’t remind me of those little bastards. When I found out that the Scarecrow himself had employed these tiny ponies to be his minions, I was laughing for days. Look at ‘em, you’d think you can easily just kick those little tykes to the curb, swot ‘em like a fly. But no, not only are they immune to bullets, they took down half my men, tied me up in ribbons, put bloody makeup on me and turned my club into a BLOODY ICE RINK!! Ohhh, you think you’ve won this battle, Crane. Think you’ve humiliated me. But mark my words, once your back is turned and your mind focused on the Bat again, I’ll take your little ponies and put ‘em in a glue factory!

Two-Face:

Oh yeah, those little…things. (Shudders) Their cuteness is so overwhelming they creep me out NEXT WE SEE ‘EM, WE SHOOT THOSE CRITTERS AND SMEAR THEM ALL OVER THE WALLS. You’re just pissed off cos they did our makeup. THOSE LITTLE BITCHES DREW ALL OVER OUR FACE I know we look stupid but you don’t see me raging about it SHUT UP, HARV! NO ONE WILL TAKE US SERIOUSLY WHEN WE GO ON CRIME SPREES WITH THIS SHIT PLASTERED ON! No one took us seriously anyway. WE’RE MEN! MEN DONT WEAR MAKEUP!! WHAT ARE YOU, GAY?! …I really need therapy.

Poison Ivy:

Those ponies are herbivores, nature is part of their diet. Normally, I would be against them but I just can’t say no to kids. These little ones have an unspoiled innocence that I hope their time in Gotham would never taint it. I feel almost sorry for them. Crane is a smart man, but he is cold and ruthless, not exactly father of the year material. But it is rather amusing to see himself run ragged trying to keep a bunch of ponies in order. Especially that unicorn following him around like a puppy. He’s stuck with all of them for eternity so I can’t wait to see how this will unfold. My bet is that he’ll have a mental breakdown within a few months. And I’ll have front row seats.

Harley Quinn:

What?! Dr Crane has magical ponies as his kids?!. Oh my god, that’s hysterical!! Wow, I mean, I know the Bat beat you pretty bad and you’re out of ideas, but that is a whole new level of desperate! Whats next year’s Halloween’s plan, he’s gonna sic Starbright Sprinkle and Princesscake on us? Ohhh, I’m so scared! But ya know what, good for him for finding a new career that suits him: a fucking loser! By the way, which ranch did he get those ponies from? Cos I want one! In fact, Crane, can I have the pink one? No, wait, I’ll trade ya for the flying fairy one!

Catwoman:

I always see the little guys running around at the mall, playing dress up and terrifying thugs with their mere existence. Its funny to see a bunch of grown men terrified at something so cute. Honestly, I have no idea why Crane of all people is in custody of these ponies. To see the master of fear being a dad and a decent one to boot is…weird. I don’t know if he’s just putting it on to regain some scare factor or if he’s genuinely enjoying it, but at least the ponies seem happy. However, if he does put any of those kids in danger, I’ll tear his stitched ass apart.

Killer Croc:

Doesn’t matter, they’re all just food to me. Those little things don’t scare me. Nothing scares me. Not even, you, Crane.

Mr Freeze:

He has what? That is…concerning. I do hope those little ponies are treated properly. Are they well-fed? Do they have proper education? He doesn’t experiment on them, does he? No? Oh thank goodness. Well, are their mental and emotional needs met? Does he spend quality time with them? …Sorry, I have a few arctic hares that I keep as pets that I’ve grown very attached to over the last month. They’re like children to me. So I just hope Crane is taking the responsibilities of parenting seriously.

[lyranova]

Survivior’s Guilt

Hiya guys! So this fic was inspired by one of @loosesodamarble ‘s fics that she posted a while ago and I just got to read for the first time last night, and it inspired me to write this 😁! It shows my OC Discordia and how she learned/dealt with Morgen’s death, and you also get to see her husband Moros! I hope you all enjoy~!

Ida belongs to @marune2 and Josele belongs to @/loosesodamarble

Word Count: 4,047

Warnings: Swearing, Death, Grief, Wine, Discordia slapping people, angst.

-------

Discordia hummed a small little tune as she read her most favorite book in the large window that sat in her room. Well, this wasn’t really her room. At least not yet. First, she would have to marry the ‘owner’ of said room, which she hadn’t done yet, and wouldn’t do for a while. There were something's he needed to sort out with his family first, but after that they could get married. She nearly laughed, one would think he was arguing with his family to marry her because he loved her.

But that was far from the truth.

They weren’t marrying for love, they were getting married because they needed each other. Discordia needed him so she could get away from her family, and so she could obtain power. While her fiancé married her, so he could get the throne and so that he wouldn’t have to marry someone his family chose for him.

If he was going to be in a loveless marriage anyway, it might as well be to someone attractive. That’s what he had said.

Discordia sighed as she softly closed her book, the only thing she hadn’t realized when she left was how much she would miss her family, well, certain members of her family.

She missed her cousin Morgen, her cousin’s fiancé Josele, her cousin Ida, and she even missed Nacht. But she would never admit to the last one. She wondered how they were all doing, in her last letter from Morgen he had said they were all pretty busy these days but were otherwise well. He told her that he didn’t get to see Nacht very much because he was always doing something secretive, and would always dodge the subject when Morgen brought it up.

Discordia had smiled sadly as she read that, she knew exactly what Nacht and the rest of the family were doing, after all, it had been her inheritance first.

Nacht, and the rest of the family, were doing Devil Rituals. And from what she had heard from her parents, Nacht had been able to summon 4 devils so far! She had rolled her eyes as they quietly talked in anger about having a useless daughter instead of a son, but otherwise she wanted nothing to do with the Ritual or Devils.

She had sighed softly before she went back to reading Morgen’s letter, she didn’t want to think about the terrible memories and the anger that went with them. Instead, she wanted to focus on something more happy and joyful, which is what she got as she continued to read.

Morgen began to tell her about how excited he was about his upcoming wedding, and that he hoped she would be able to attend, but would also understand if she was unable to. He also jokingly mentioned how he and Josele were eagerly awaiting their invitations to her wedding, and said he would never forgive her if it overlapped with his.

Discordia chuckled as the memory of reading his letter popped into her mind and then faded away. But her laughter died as she suddenly felt an odd presence in her room, it wasn’t a human, it was something else.

She quickly jumped up and created a long rapier with her blood magic before whirling around to face the intruder. She blinked in confusion as her eyes traveled down to the floor to see some small, dark creature standing there. It eyes stared at the tip of her rapier nervously, and she could see its body trembling.

“ Who…Are you?” Discordia asked, obviously she knew it was a devil even though she hadn’t seen one personally. But she thought…they were supposed to bigger and more intimidating than this little one was.

“ G-Gimodelo, My Scary Lady!” The devil squeaked in fright, Discordia raised a brow, ‘Scary Lady’? But disregarded that comment as she waved her hand to dismiss the spell. She recognized his name as one of the Devils for House Faust, but he wasn’t quite what she was expecting.

“ I know who you are, I apologize for not recognizing you,” Discordia said before she frowned and crossed her arms. “ But may I ask what you’re doing here?”

The devil looked around a little nervously.

“ Master Nacht said you needed to come home,” Gimodelo said softly, Discordia scoffed before she promptly turned around to return to her window.

“ Who does he think he is, bossing me around?” Discordia muttered. “ I mean, really, does he think I can just drop everything and come back to Clover on a whim?”

“ Lady Discordia,” Gimodelo said softly as he came up behind her and tugged on the bottom of her skirt, as though he were a young child trying to get her attention. “ I really think you should go home, Miss, it’s urgent.”

Discordia stared down at the devil, seeing the earnest and almost pleading look in his eyes made her heart sink. Something must’ve happened…something terrible.

—---

Discordia’s feet carried her towards House Faust as quickly as they could, the sky was overcast, and she could even feel a few raindrops fall onto her head, but she didn’t care. Right now, she had to make it to House Faust and get some answers from the only living relative she had left; Nacht.

She wildly threw the door open to House Faust and looked around to see her cousin sitting on the couch, alone, and with his head hanging down. Discordia felt tears pool in her eyes. They weren’t tears of relief or of happiness at seeing him alive, they were the tears of anger, sadness, and grief.

She walked over to him in quick and determined strides, she grabbed the scruff of his shirt and pulled him up and off the couch. Making him stand in front of her.

“ What the hell happened Nacht?” She asked through gritted teeth, she was trying her best to restrain herself. He looked at her with a pale, tear stained face, and with dull, lifeless eyes.

“ You’re here, dear cousin. And here I was, worried that you wouldn’t make it.” Nacht muttered, his tone cold and lifeless, it was as though someone had come and sucked all the life out of him.

“ What the hell happened Nacht?!” Discordia repeated, her voice loud and angry. Nacht just stared at her.

“ I killed them all, and Ida…Ida ran away,” Nacht admitted quietly, and Discordia felt her heart stop in her chest and confusion cloud her mind. He…he killed them all? How? That didn’t make sense! And not to mention that Ida was now missing?! Just what happened while she was away?!

“ Explain. Now.”

“ I…I did another devil ritual,” Nacht began softly, his voice void of any emotion. “ And I happened to summon Lucifugus, I thought I could handle it, I’ve already summoned and mastered four devil’s powers, so one more shouldn’t be too difficult? At least that’s what I thought.”

“ Morgen…he snuck into the chamber to see what we were doing, and he tried to stop me like he always did. But I wouldn’t listen, I wanted the challenge of trying to beat Lucifugus and master his magic…and it all blew up in my face. He killed our parents, killed your parents, he wiped out the entire Faust line. Including Morgen,” Nacht paused, his voice finally showing the slightest bit of emotion.

“ Morgen…he jumped into the magic circle to save me…he destroyed the bracelet and sent Lucifugus back into the underworld, but…”

“ But what?” Discordia asked, her knuckles having turned white as she gripped his collar tighter and tighter with every word he said.

“ I tried to save him, I used my shadow magic to get him to Josele. If anyone could save him, she could, you know that as well as I do,” Nacht said, his voice getting a little more emotion as he spoke. “ I got there quickly, he was still breathing when we arrived, so I…I don’t know why Josele couldn’t save him, why she couldn’t bring him back…but at the end of the day, I’m the one to blame. Because of me, he-.” Nacht didn’t get to finish his sentence as he felt a quick but firm slap across his face.

He blinked in surprise as he saw Discordia staring at him coldly, tears falling freely down her cheeks, his face stung from where her hand had connected with his cheek. But that didn’t compare to the hurt he felt in his chest as he saw the rage and hurt in his cousin's eyes.

“ You bastard,” She growled as she pushed his chest hard.” You cocky son of a bitch!’’ She roared as she hit his chest with her fists and continued to push him until he finally just…stopped moving backwards.

Nacht allowed her to use him as her punching bag, after all, they both knew he deserved this or worse. Her hitting, yelling, and swearing at him were all the things he wanted to do to himself if he could. Especially after what he’d done, not only to his family, but to Josele as well. Finally, her punches and swearing had less and less force, showing that she was running out of steam, and eventually her arms fell limply to her sides and her head hung low.

“ It wasn’t enough to take and ruin my life, but you had to go and do the same to Morgen’s? All because you couldn’t get over that stupid ego of yours?” She asked lowly, but her voice full of cold malice.

“ It should’ve been you who died,” She continued. “ Why wasn’t it you?”

“ I’ve been asking myself the same thing ever since that day, I also wish it had been me who died instead of Morgen…I’ll forever wish it hadn’t been him.” Nacht said softly as he looked down at his cousin, his tone void of emotion again as tears fell onto his cheeks.

Discordia cleared her throat and wiped her tears, at least that was the one thing they could agree on. She wiped her tears and crossed her arms before she looked up at him again.

“ And what happened to Ida? You said she ran away? Didn’t you look for her?”

“ I did,” He admitted emotionlessly. “ But I couldn’t find her, not even with my shadow magic. I’m going to continue searching for her but…she doesn’t want to be found, at least not right now,”

Discordia nodded, silently hoping the girl would return home sooner rather than later. She would be in Clover for a few more days after Morgen's funeral, since she had to bury her parents, so she would try and search for Ida herself. Since Nacht wasn’t having any luck.

“ When’s the funeral?”

“ Tomorrow, and Josie and Morgen will need family there, to comfort and send him off well.” Nacht muttered, causing her to frown.

“ Where will you be? Are you not going to your own brother’s funeral?”

“ I don’t deserve to be there…not when I’m the reason for his being there.” Nacht muttered as he sat back down on the couch. “ Besides…I think I’m the last person Josie will want to see right now.”

“ What did you do to her?” Discordia asked, in a warning tone, if he said or did something to Josele…Discordia would seriously kill him where he sat.

“ I…said some very cruel and hurtful things to her that I shouldn’t have. And I need to apologize but…I…I can’t.”

“ Coward,” Discordia muttered before she turned around. “ You act all tough and strong, but in reality you’re a pathetic coward who won’t even apologize to his dead brother’s fiancé after he acted like an ass. Typical, for someone like you.” She added as she began to walk away, she couldn’t stand the sight of her cousin any longer.

“ I’ll be at his funeral, so don’t worry, I won’t abandon Joey and Morgen like you.” Discordia threw over her shoulder as she walked out of House Faust and slammed the door shut behind her.

—-----

Discordia walked up to Morgen’s casket quietly, this wasn’t right, he wasn’t supposed to be here…not yet, not so soon. He was supposed to get married, have children, and grow old. But now…now he would forever be a 19-year-old angel. She smiled fondly, she had always called him an angel ever since they were young, while she called Nacht the devil. She nearly laughed, how ironic the nicknames were now after all that has happened.

She reached into the casket and gently placed her letter to him under his hands. She never got the chance to respond to his last letter when he was alive, so before the funeral she had quickly written one out. The parchment was wet with tear stains and some of the ink had smudged, but she knew it would be alright and Morgen wouldn’t mind. After all, she was his big sister, and she could almost do no wrong in his eyes.

At least that’s what she would say when he asked when they met again someday.

Discordia stepped back into the crowd and looked around, there were a lot of his Squad Mates standing there, and even his former Captain Julius Novachrono was there. It was just as she expected, all the people he had helped, all the people he loved, and all the people who greatly cared for him were there.

Except for two, and they were the most important; Nacht and Josele.

After a few minutes, she saw Josele appear from the crowd, and she quietly walked towards his casket. Discordia watched silently, her heartbreaking at the scene that was unfolding in front of her eyes. This wasn’t right…this wasn't supposed to be how their love story ended. When Josele walked towards him, it was supposed to be her in a beautiful gown with a bouquet of flowers in her hands. While Morgen was supposed to be in a sharp looking suit and standing at the other end of the aisle. Waiting for his soulmate to take his hand and spend the rest of her life with him, but instead it turned out like this.

Discordia watched as Josele quickly ran away, she moved to follow her but felt someone reach out to grab her hand in order to stop her.

“ Just let her go, I think she needs some time.” Discordia’s eyes widened at the familiar voice, there was no way…her head snapped in the direction of the voice and her eyes widened more.

It was her fiancé; Moros Helheim, Crown Prince of the Lumi Kingdom.

“ How would you know what she needs? You don’t know Josele like I do, you haven’t even met her, and you think you know what she needs more than I do?” She asked as she yanked her arm out of his grip and chased after her sister-in-law.

“ Joey! Joey, it’s me, please come back!” Discordia shouted as she looked around, but didn’t see nor sense her sister–in-law, or her sister-in-law’s mana.

Josele had disappeared.

“ Joey…” Discordia suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder and sighed before she slowly turned around.

“ She’ll be alright, from what you’ve said, she’s a very strong woman. She’ll make it through this.” Moros said, and Discordia quickly shrugged his hand off her shoulder.

“ Even the strongest of people need help and support sometimes,” Discordia said as she began to walk away. “ But I guess you wouldn’t know anything about that since you’ve always been weak.”

“ Ouch, your words are extra scathing today, my lady,” Moros said, feigning hurt as he put a hand on his chest. “ Come, let’s go back to my residence and talk privately.”

“ Let me guess, this ‘residence’ of yours is either a brothel or an inn? Or is it both?” She asked curiously and with a sharp, knowing tone. Moros chuckled, but quickly waved her words away.

“ It isn’t a brothel. It is a small, hole in the wall, inn. It’s so obscure that my guards would never even think of looking for me there,” Moros said with a charming grin, causing Discordia to roll her eyes at him. “ So how about it?”

“ Fine, as long as it isn’t a brothel.” She muttered as she walked past him. “ Lead the way, your majesty.”

“ As you wish, Lady Discordia.”

The two walked silently to his inn, a low rumble of thunder could be heard as they grew closer and closer to their destination. But sighed in relief as they had just barely beat the rainstorm. Moros led her up the small staircase, down the hall, until they reached the very end where his room was located. He opened the door and allowed her to step inside first, she nodded in thanks before he stepped in behind her and closed the door.

He walked over to the small table and grabbed the bottle of red wine that sat in the center, he opened it and poured its contents into a pair of glasses. She raised a brow as he handed a glass to her.

“ I’m not old enough to drink,” She said as she crossed her arms, Moros smirked at her.

“ You are in Lumi, and I won’t tell if you won’t,” He said with a playful wink. “ Besides…you look like you could use one.” He added in a more serious tone as he kept the glass outstretched.

She looked at him for a moment before taking the glass from him and taking a sip. It had a bitter taste initially, but after she swallowed, she found it had a sweet and dark aftertaste. It wasn’t bad, and it definitely took the edge off this crappy day.

“ What the hell are you doing here, Moros?” Discordia asked as she set her wine glass down and looked at her fiancé, who just tilted his head.

“ Isn’t showing up during times like this something a good husband does?” He asked, his tone curious as he swirled his glass of wine around.

“ ‘A good husband’?” She scoffed as she crossed her arms. “ We aren’t even married yet, and you’re far from being a good husband. If I hadn’t entered that stupid contract with you none of this would have happened.’’

“ How do you figure?” Moros asked calmly, still swirling the wine in his glass around. Discordia quirked a brow at him.

“ If I hadn’t entered that stupid contract with you, I wouldn’t have left for Lumi three months ago! If I hadn’t agreed to it, I would have been here and Morgen would still be alive!” Discordia said, anger lacing each sharp word as she walked towards Moros. The man sighed softly before he set his glass down and stood up.

“ Are you claiming that all of this is my fault in some way?” He asked with a curious tone as he walked towards her, and she nodded.

“ It is, or at least you contributed to it. I could have saved him if I had been here, I could have kept him from going into that damned basement and getting killed, but instead I was off in a faraway land with you!” Discordia spat with pure venom and disdain in her voice, but Moros didn’t flinch or react at all. His face remained calm and statue like.

“ Why are you blaming me for you something you did?” He asked, his tone still curious but with a serious edge to his voice. “ You could have said no, you could have backed out of the contract at any point during the last three months, but instead you stayed. Knowing fully well that something like this could happen, and you still stayed. So the person you should be angry at, and the person you should be blaming for all of this, is yourself.”

Discordia reached her hand up and swung it towards his face, hoping to land a good hard slap across his face. But he reached up and grabbed her wrist in midair, he held it firmly in his hand before he forced it back down.

“ You are going through some call ‘survivor’s guilt’. You were supposed to be there that day, along with the rest of your family. You were supposed to die that day, but instead you survived, by selfishly leaving your family to pursue your own wants and dreams.” Moros continued calmly, his tone and words only making her more angry.

“ Shut up!” She shouted in anger as she raised her other hand to slap him, but he caught it in his other hand and held it firmly. She began to fight and struggle against him, her hands reaching up to push and shove against his chest, before she tried to wiggle them out of his grip.

But Moros wouldn’t let her go, instead he continued holding her wrists, he held them firmly but not tightly, so she could easily get out of his grip if she wanted. But she didn’t. He watched as tears of sadness, anger, and guilt fell from her eyes and onto her cheeks before falling to the floor.

Finally, after a few minutes of struggling, Discordia gave up an and sank to her knees, with Moros following suit. She sobbed nearly uncontrollably as he had hit the nail on the head as to why she was so angry; because she felt guilty for surviving while everyone else had died, everyone but Nacht of course.

 Moros didn’t say a word, he didn’t try to reach out and comfort her, instead he just watched her cry and sob. That’s what she needed right now, she needed to let out all of those feelings she was keeping pent-up inside.

Discordia’s sobs turned into sniffles before she suddenly froze, realization suddenly striking her. Moros’s magic…he was able to revive the dead, which meant…

“ You can bring him back, can’t you?” She asked quietly, her head snapping up so fast that it surprised him.

“ Bring who back?”

“ Morgen, my cousin, you can bring him back with your magic can’t you? You’re able to revive the dead right?” She asked quickly, Moros nodded slowly.

“ Yes, but-.” She quickly cut him off.

“ Bring him back, right now, today, bring Morgen back!” She ordered, her tone almost pleading with him. This was how she could fix everything, how she could make Josele happy again, how she could Nacht to stop blaming himself, and how she could rid herself of this survivor’s guilt.

And to top it all off, they could be a family again.

“ My magic doesn’t work like that, Lady Discordia, it takes time-.”

“ How much time?”

“ I’m not sure, it could be a few days, weeks, or even months. Especially since he was killed by a devil and with forbidden magic, so it may even take years. And even if I do manage to bring him back, he may not be the same as he once was.” Moros warned in a serious tone, but Discordia just shook her head.

“ I don’t care how long it takes, just bring him back, and in return…I’ll give you an heir.” She watched as his face finally changed from calm and Stoic to one of surprise. One of Discordia’s conditions in the contract had been that she not be asked or forced to produce an heir, and that if wanted one so badly, he could take a concubine and have her produce one for him. So for her to offer this showed him just how desperate she was to fix this.

“ But you said you wanted your parent's legacies to die with you, which is why I agreed to not have any children.”

“ I still feel that way, but if you manage to bring Morgen back, I’ll give you the heir you long for. Hell, I’ll give you 20 heirs if you manage to do it,” She reached her hands up and griped his shirt tightly in her hands. “ Just do this one thing for me…please.”

Hearing her soft, pleading tone, and the way she repeatedly begged for him to do this for her, made his heart ache in his chest. He had never seen her look so…vulnerable, so desperate. He was attracted to her strength, but now found that he was also attracted to her weakness. He reached out and placed his hands on her shoulders.

“ Alright, I’ll do my best, but I make no promises that I’ll be able to do it. Nor that he will be the same Morgen you once knew if I am able to bring him back, you understand that, right?” He asked, and he watched her look of desperation change into something else.

“ I understand, just like I hope you understand, that if you aren’t able to do these things…I will kill you.” She told him in a dangerously low tone, her blue eyes turning dangerous, and her grin showing she meant what she said. Moros chuckled, that was the Discordia he knew. He smirked back at her before he leaned forward, with a dangerous smirk of his own.

“ Then I’ll definitely have to try my best, Lady Discordia.”

------

Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you all have a good day~!

[catsaurofmagiccomedy]

I got a little to silly last night and wrote a veritable essay underneath this post here, I decided to make it its own post,, everyone give it up for this little guy about how the Fears from tma would interact with our punching bag of a little guy Arthur Malevolent:

First: Dual avatar of the hunt & stranger.

hunt: He's always chasing something. Whenever he's up and awake he's moving towards something and when he finishes? He INMIDEATELY starts chasing something else he's could be defined like the hunt ritual: “The Everchase” never stopping, always something else to get to.

stranger: He's so uncanny. He's always talking to himself, he always looks at you slightly off, every person that encounters him casually ends up seeing something strange about him! All of those chats w John while in cabs? You can bet the drivers were creeped right the fuck off about him! And that definetly feeds the stranger.

Second: The eye and the web “are fond” of him.

web: He's so good at manipulating people! If he wasn't so insistent on pursing people & goals like he does, he definetly would've been snatched as a web avatar! (Similar to what happened to martin) I don't think he could voluntarily be an avatar of it simply bc he would refuse to be puppettered by the mother and all of her avatars are, he prefers to resolve his problems by chasing & violence (sidenote: not a slaughter avatar bc his violence is NOT sudden and spontaneous nor is it unmotivated or unpredictable)

eye: I mean? Our boy is SET on adquiring some knowledge even if it could potentially or definetly hurt him or even those around him! What's more eye than that? (that was literally what led Jon to fully become The Archivist, if Arthur's eyes were still his own he would've been an eye avatar for sure)

Third: Victim of the dark, the desolation, obvs touched by the spiral & the end, maybe the buried, the corruption, the slaughter and the flesh

dark: He does no longer have his eyes, all he can see is darkness and he hates it! It would be so easy for him to get fed to the dark, especially bc he KNOWS there are monsters that go bump in the dark and people out to get him his fears are not a “maybe” they are a “when”.

desolation: my man has been taking L after L, I mean He keeps having one devastating loss after another (this is before even getting fully into canon, pre-canon + part 1), he barely has the time to get all of his pieces and glue them back together before another tragedy or accident decks him in the face (his parents, then bella, then faroe, then parker), his life is loss and recovering from it, only to get pushed back into it the second he is even remotely back up and his persons lead me to:

corruption: His relationships man, they are a lil messed up! He could so so easily get consumed by what loves him and tells him he's a home. His parents can't love him anymore, they're dead. Bella never loved him, he never loved her they only married bc she was pregnant! He loved Faroe so so much, but he lost her because of his own actions. And Parker got him out of the (metaphorical) pit he was in, he clung to him as a life boat & he was still alive bc of Parker and Parker alone at that point. He's also dead. Now he has John; they bicker and they tear eachother apart, they hurt the other so deeply but they cant separate because the alternative is so much worse (even if John got a body they would still be so codependent of each other; their souls are interwined after all). You could argue he's already a home for what loves him. After all isn't he a home for John?

buried: man has been thru: 1) a loveless marriage; 2) the pit (non-metaphorical) (Probably also financial problems lbr, he was a compositor, i don't think they payed him much for his services, but I don't know shit abt it so mountain of salt on this one). I would not be surprised if all of his life he felt trapped in some way or another.

slaughter: I believe that after every gory and bloody thing he has gone through he has gained a mark by percistence, also his deal with Kayne would deninetly leave him a mark if he didn't have one up until that point (bc Kayne is without a doubt an agent of the slaughter, idk if an avatar or a manifestation distortion style but that mf is Slaughter through and through), he definely feeds the slaughter with his fear, at this point he expects violence at every turning point.

flesh: man. So, the cannibalism, huh? The losing parts of himself, eh? Maybe the second one is a lil bit flimsy but by god the cannibalism, at what point did he started seeing Mr. Faust as meat, do you think before or after killing him? I mean, we know he was starving, would it really take much to believe that he had already decided on eating him while he was still alive? Also, man, his body has gotten so fucked up, I don't really have a point with this last part just, he's really been thru the grinder.

spiral: He's been thru the horrors, he has had two different pieces of a god of madness inside him and is currently using one of them as his concience and better half, I don't believe much explanation is required here.

end: Our pathetic little guy has been dead! That is enough for a Terminus mark but he has gone to great efforts for his mark to be constantly renewed! He has: Died fr (And got brought back)! Almost died, resulting in a coma! He gets on a good streak of not getting to the "by the skin of his teeth" side of surviving during the dreamlands arc, surprisingly (he was in peril but not on the "How tf are you still alive" scale), until the near end, where he: almost died by cutting his throat as a last resort to try and save John! And then he almost died again! He was saved tho! So I feel confident on him being touched by the end, he is however not an avatar as avatars of terminus have accepted their eventual deaths and are significantly less proactive than Arthur, they much rather wait, after all It Comes For All!

So John, eh? Might as well. Some bonuses:

Fourth: Dual avatar of the eye and the spiral.

eye: He's Arthur's eyes! He's not only doomed by the narrative and an unreliable narrator, he's the narrative itself! We know what he tells us, he feeds us and Arthur their surroundings, he is the one that manages the knowledge, we don't know things he chooses not to tell us (be it out of hidding them or out of thinking them irrelevant, the result at the end is similar enough)! John is fundamentally entretwained with knowledge, the concept of eyes and he definetly sees and has to describe horrible things he would much rather prefer not to. Also him seeing the death when he touches a corpse? Absolutely goes in the "avatar of the beholding" evidence pile, additionally Arthur is quite lacking privacy due to John's precence! That is in fact another mark for the tally!

spiral: Bby boy is a fragment of a god of madness! That alone would qualifies him! But he is also responsible for Arthur's perception of reality, that is a big, big spiral thing! To be the lens through which a person perceives things is kind of a thing for this Fear, as are eldrich incomprehensible entities (like he is) and his behavior at the very beginning (manipulating Arthur by pretending to be his friend and having his best interests in mind [you may think that this is a web thing, it is in fact a certified spiral avatar behavior as demostrated by Helen Distortion on the 5th season!]).

Fifth: Victim of the dark and the web, touched by the slaughter and just a tinsy little bit by both the desolation and the lonely.

dark: His time on the dark world has fucked him up, Big time! Our boy would love night lights! He is always afraid of going back there and thus is afraid of the dark in general, Arthur's coma was awful for him! You better believe he is always giving th dark fear snacks!

web: He barely has bodily autonomy, his decitions and opinions can be at any moment be ignored with minimal consecuences if Arthur so decided, he has no choice but go along with whatever Arthur ultimatly decides (while this may also sound like the buried, it is my belief that: No, Thanks! Okay for real now I feel like the buried is less about choices than the web is, in the buried you do not get the courtesy of your choices being ignored you are never, from the start, allowed to even make one, because the situation you are in is one out of your control, meanwhile in the web your choices are taken into account and ignored, used to further harm you or used to subtely guide you towards the desired outcome), John is, in this, very similar to how the kids on Hilltop Road were, he has to go through the motions of whatever that which is guiding him wants, unable to truly affect things past a certain point.

slaughter: Dear Johny boy has this mak for all the same reasons that Arthur does, plus all the pre-Arthur atrocities he has assured us he commited!

desolation+lonely combo wombo: So, what do you think happens when you are an entity that only one person hears in their head when you lose that person? You are now a meal combo for the one alone and the torturing flame to share, of course! With no one with whom to share your hurt with you are alone, you devastatingly have lost the only person you have. You are alone and desolate. So I think it's not a strech to understand why the month of the coma was shit for John, now, imagine if it happened now!

Resume time!

Arthur is an avatar of the hunt & the stranger, he is favored by the web & the eye. He is a victim for the dark & the desolation and has been marked by: the corruption, the buried, the flesh, the slaughter, the spiral & the end. He has a [12/14] and could be starting the next successful Everchase or Unknowing if he gets marked by: the lonely & the vast! (That's worring especially given that the lonely one is just a disappeared or amnesiac John away and the vast one is just a matter of time given the eldrich monstrosities).

John in an avatar of the eye & the spiral, a victim for the dark & the web and has been marked by: the slaughter & the devastation + the lonely combo. He has just half with a [7/14] and could start the next successful Watcher's Crown or Great Twisting if he gets marked by: the buried, the corruption, the end, the flesh, the hunt, the stranger & the vast! (This situation can be neglected! He is not going to get all of them exceedingly quickly, nothing to worry right now as there is nothing out of the ordinary for someone in his situation! [surrounded by the horrors while having once been part of a horror yourself]).

[thetwstwildcard]

📻 for any!

We're gonna go with good ol' skeleton mom herself for this one 😌

This fits both Catrina and Soledad Maravilla but the focus will be on Catrina since she got out of the abusive relationship while her mother is still with Arturo...

"Who tends the orchards? Who fixes up the gables? Emotional torture from the head of your high table. Who fetches the water from the rocky mountain spring? And walk back down again to feel your words and their sharp sting"

Catrina was the one who wrote all the songs that made Emiliano popular. He never credited her. She was the "pretty accessory" on his arm at all his parties and he used her magic as a parlor trick to show his "great choice in a wife". While Emiliano was out and about with friends and associates Catrina had to deal with Emiliano fangirls (who didn't know he was abusive) hurl threats at her. She had to deal with the media world tearing into her but "Emilano could do no wrong". She had to tend to her wounds, scars and alcohol addiction (because of him) all alone. To sit in "emotional torture" because the maids could take the physical proof of the wounds he gave her away while she was left alone to deal with the trauma.

"If our love died, would that be the worst thing? For somebody I thought was my saviour you sure make me do a whole lot of labour"

Catrina fell out of love with Emilano while they were still married because of the abuse, affairs and abandonment. Catrina met Emiliano shortly after Dante's death where her family blamed her for his death. In the beginning Emiliano showed her the love she never had before turning around and making her call herself "Dante's murderer" (he died of an overblot where Catrina had to put him out of his misery. He would of died anyway but it was less painful for Catrina to help him)

"If we had a daughter, I'd watch and could not save her. The emotional torture, from the head of your high table. She'd do what you taught her, she'd meet the same cruel fate. So now I've gotta run, so I can undo this mistake at least I've gotta try"

Catrina knew Emiliano would use Araceli (Celi) like he was already using Aristóteles (Ari) but feared it would take a route similar to Emiliano's childhood and abuse at the hands of celebrities. Catrina also knew what it was like with her mother. Its a cycle of abuse, of daughters who grew up with loveless parents (where the mother was stuck with father) that lead the daughter to find a man who will only end up treating her the same way her father treated her mother. Soledad was abused by Arturo but couldn't escape or "protect" her children from their father. This lead to Catrina's childhood rebellion and eventual marriage to Emiliano only to end up the battered wife because she didn't know what a healthy relationship was. Catrina knows Celi would end up the same (and feared if she stayed Ari would end up like his father) so while she couldn't save them from the fact of being Emiliano's children she can still flee his side and try to make a better life for them all.

"All day, every day, therapist, mother, maid. Nymph then a virgin, nurse then a servant. Just an appendage, live to attend him so that he never lifts a finger. 24-7 baby machine. So he can live out his picket fence dreams. It's not an act of love if you make her. You make me do too much labour"

Even after all the abuse Emiliano did to Catrina he would often "cry" and guilt her into comforting him. No matter how beaten and disgusted at what he forced her to do, she still had to hold and comfort him while he "cried" into her chest on their bed. He hated that she explored her sexuality when she was younger yet insisted she showed skin and allowed other male celebrities to touch her and "go along with it" in public. She had to listen to exactly what he told her to do or he'd punish her. Emiliano wanted the public to think he was a great dad so he'd play up being a great father to the camera and force Catrina to take care of Ari and Celi alone. Catrina didn't want children (thought she was too "damaged"/"didn't want to become her mother" without knowing she already was), but Emiliano wanted children, so they had children. Emiliano forced Catrina to do so much to show her "love and loyalty" to him while he would constantly cheat on her.

[booksandria]

Pandora by Anne Rice - Thoughts

SPOILER ALERT!

I just finished Pandora last night! What a book, my friends!

This new duology, The New Tales of the Vampires, really started on a strong note. In Pandora, we read the narration the titular character writes to David Talbot, our known scholar and former Talamasca member from the Vampire Chronicles, about her own life story, how she lived as a human and how she became a vampire.

Quite a short book compared to the others, we are present to spirited, bright and clever Pandora, daughter of a Roman Senator and avid Ovid fan. If we only had a brief glimpse at her in her chapter in Queen Of The Damned, here she shines in full colors and makes me fall head over heels for her.

For the dramatic tale of a woman seeking refuge in Antioch after her entire family has been murdered, and trying for the first time in her life to fend for herself and make a home in this foreign land, this book is so fucking funny.

Maybe it was intentional, maybe I just have a broken sense of humor, but we had this woman jumping the walls to Marius house while everyone was begging her not to, we had this woman ask Marius if his dick had grown when he was transformed, we had the iconic:

"No, no Father. - I said - I shall never forget him. I think I forgot him the next day"

What an icon, really.

I specially loved this book because it brought so much of history with it. Such a well researched story of the Ancient Rome and the old roman ways, but also of the christianization of the Rome Empire and every shenanigan that was involved in those processes. What a beautiful and clever thing how important it was for Pandora as a character to be born in such times, how deeply it affected the way she saw life and her unlife, how it affected her relationship with the Parents and the old gods. Very neat!

Talking about old gods, another very important thing to note is the cult of Isis. Also a key aspect of Pandora, her relationship with religion: even as a roman who's expected to put reason and logic over anything else, she's still open to faith and "mystical" beliefs. In this sense, the cult represents the very thing that was such trouble in her relationship with Marius, the very thing that made them so incompatible. But more than that, in this cult Pandora builds a community with other women, finds a safe heaven she can escape from her loveless arranged marriages to, and also finds the strenght and hope to keep going after enduring her darkest moment. No wonder she immediatly wants to build Akasha temples and a cult as she had asked, and no wonder too that she can't even be at the same building as the Parents after figuring out they were not who she hoped they would be.

And I won't even get started on the womanhood themes in this book, oh my god. Honestly, I could write a whole post about it (and I maybe will eventually). But yeah, this woman who falls right between being the epitome of womanhood of ancient rome and being the farthest things from it, and then becomes a vampire and is completely above any gender roles and gender expectations, but still falls into its trap here and there, oh my god. Yeah, I most likely will talk more about this in some other post.

Anyway, Pandora the character is simply wonderful and Pandora the book is, too. Such a great, amusing, touching tale. Very happy this was my first book of the year. Love you Pandora, marry me please 🥺

[moollllaaaayyy]

03.25.2023

It’s so weird to me that a woman who can hit her chronically ill, currently sick HUSBAND over the head with a HOT frying pan with grease in it will not pul a 5 year old child’s very loose tooth...

My mother has become someone I don’t know. She has changed so much in the recent and previous years, but this passed 4 months has been... fucking insane. 

She has cheated on my father for the 4/5th time. He is finally, FINALLY done. He has suffered so much mental, physical, and emotional abuse from this woman. The lowest blow? The man she cheated on him with was my older brother and sisters sperm donor. I have said his name more this passed two weeks more than I have ever in my entire life.

She didn’t even think about what her older children would say, or how they would feel? She claims that we hate her. But, we have no idea who this woman is. She has betrayed our entire family so much recently. This woman has become so narcissistic and condescending. 

She is the type of person you can have a lot of normal, funny, “dramatic” conversations with. Something serious comes up and it is fucking game over. 

I’m 26, and I fear telling her about a new job, a new lifestyle. There was a time this past summer I thought I was pregnant, and she found out through word of mouth and made me feel guilty. Like... I am twenty fucking six years old and I have THREE other fucking children. The man I’m with is going to be the man I’m with for the rest of my life. He is the father of my children, and would’ve been the father of that child. 

Someone dies? She wants to know the nitty gritty fucking details, but can’t give someone a hug and console them. My uncle whom I was super close with passed away ten years ago 2023 January, and the first thing this fucking bitch says to me when I walked in the door after my dad told me he died, “Eric would want you to finish your finals. He wanted you to do well in school.” 

I didn’t even say anything. I lost my best friend and THAT is what she says to me??? I will never forget that. I will never forgive her for that. I was a fucking junior in HIGH SCHOOL. 

It is so hard to cut the ties with her, but each day I feel like its more and more forced and it is making me fucking miserable. It’s easy to listen to my dad and let him confide in me - which I am so glad he does, but the more he reveals that I found out she did to him when we were growing up disgusts me. I have no idea who this woman is, and that scares me.

I have so much unresolved trauma from her and her alone that I just.... sit here with it. And I will probably continue to sit with it. 

One time, her and my older sister were arguing and my mother knocked over a tv and dressed out of anger.

She gets so angry sometimes that she takes a knife and stabs the wall or the kitchen counter. 

My dad was sick with this super weird illness he is dealing with and very well managing, and she fucking cooked breakfast for my little brother and sister and they were either talking or arguing or she was just mad because she can’t fucking deal with stress, and she fucking hit him over the head with a hot, greasy frying pan. I don’t know man. I remember being a teenager and getting in between them two during an argument just trying to get her to leave my dad alone and she looks at me and says “what do you think you’re going to do?” For the first time, I stood up to her and said “I don’t think you want to find out.” And that was when she stopped and left him alone.

I hate it. I’m 26 years old and my parents are making me feel like a fucking 10 year old trapped in a loveless, loud, mean marriage. I feel like I need to choose sides, but nobody is making me necessarily feel that way, I just know that I need to. My mom and I haven't been close in recent years, and my dad and I have gotten very close. My car exploded and we worked together and he has been driving me and my kiddos around for the past couple years now. 

I am hurting. I am hurting watching my older brother and sister go through the emotional damage this is causing and having to make decisions to protect themselves and their children. I am hurting for my kids because they don’t know why they can’t go over and see Mimi and Pappy much anymore. I am hurting for my younger siblings that they have to witness the roughest, most dangerous, scary situation. I remember hiding my baby sister in my room during arguments. I remember ripping her from a room so fast.

She already struggles with speaking when she is stressed. She has SEVERE anxiety, and she gets overwhelmed VERY easily. She is traumatized. She witnessed the unfolding of the worst of it a couple weekends ago. My little brother say my dad hit my mom. Saw them hit each other. 

I am their safe space and it breaks my heart. Their PARENTS SHOULD BE THEIR GOD DAMN SAFE SPACE!!!!!

Goodnight. I can’t breathe. 

[communist-cat-girl]

i wrote way too much shit so ima paraphrase what made me block someone a minute ago

if someone rewrites a story and makes the characters gay, thats fine if you think doin that shows that you have “gay blinders”, just block me

if youre mad about that, keep readin. if you dont wanna read, block me. its a bad faith take thats on par with “representation is pointless” and “i wish modern media would stop shovin gays down my throat” type 4chan shit

if you dont know what i mean, be thankful! its a pointless bit of discourse that doesnt matter to any real world person except queers online who want to gatekeep every aspect of bein a queer. be gay and free, fuck these hos

“just because its gay doesnt mean its better!” feels a little bad faith? like ya, its obviously not necessarily better, but the thing is ... im gay ... so i have a vested interest in if whether or not they get together; not to mention it recontextualizes stories as one’s of aggression against oppression (if they werent already) that makes me doubly interested as an anarchist.

if we look at, say, Alice Isnt Dead we can see this in full swing both ways. not only is the core audience and creative team behind Welcome to Nightvale openly supportive or queer themselves, so too are those who’ve worked on Alice Isnt Dead. Not only does this mean that the queer audience will feel catered too but the queer staff will be more likely to *want* to work on this, to put their whole ass into this project and make it better than if they were just paid to make some mlw piece of media.

and would the mlw idea rly work when the end of part 1 and all of part 2, spoilers by the way, of alice isnt dead are about the gov’t doin absolutely everythin it can to keep them apart and how *keepin them apart, even as alice is part of this shadowy institution, didnt make them happy and didnt solve the wider problems of the world anyways*

im sorry, but if that story wasnt gay, if its gayness didnt put into focus the issues real gay people face, then that story is ostensibly weaker, its prose less profound, its themes less touchin

now, to talk about the post that made me want to write this ...

im not gonna link it or even directly phrase it, i dont want anyone comin onto me or comin onto anyone else over this (not like my small follower count would)

the tldr is that, the hades and persephone myth is ... well, its kinda shit. its a kidnappin, its a possibly a sexual assault, its a woman forced into a bad circumstance; and so if you made this myth wlw and say its better you “have blinders because its gay” or somethin; which ive never heard anyone suggest EVER but sure, whatever

disclaimer, i am a hellenic pagan, more specifically of roman traditions, so my opinion on the *story itself* is complicated. so im not gonna be sayin much about that.

what i really care about is how somone brings of the Hades Game and i *think* lore olympus retellin where persephone is kidnapped, lowkey on purpose possibly, and eats of the pomegranate to like ... get at her naggin mom, or w/ever. thats not actually the story of the Hades Game nor of the more popular modern helpol retellin but its close enough.

the person who relays this paraphrased story says that if its wlw its better than it would be if it was mlw (and, in gnrl, this retellin is far more palatable to a modern audience; which isnt even rly debateable) and the person complainin say somethin about “gay blinders” says “no it wouldnt be” and a cry emoji.

now, ignorin how ... perhaps accidentally homophobic that comes off as ... like ... it would. mlw forbidden love doesnt really strike the same chord like it used to. in a time of arranged marriage and loveless lives, this concept was REALLY important and was the framein of most myths about a couple in the Mediterranean durin antiquity. problem is, these days, while expectations are hard even for mlw couples, youre still largely goin to get reluctant parents go “*sigh* fine, you may”

and unless youre under a rock you may have forgotten that us fags have a habit of gettin shot for lovin who we love

so ya, the story of forbidden love between a fem hades and a sapphic persephone bein a story of gay love in which they fight against all odds and become happy with each other is substantially more *touchin* (and thus “better” in the common parlance) than the same milk toast mlw forbidden love thats been shoved down queer people’s throats since day one of our birth. 

whats rly annoyin is that op doesnt explain WHY “gay blinders” are such a bad thing anyway? is it genuinely so bad to enjoy gay stories more? to see yourself represented in a piece of media, esp one that you already connect so strongly too?

the worst outcome is “because its gay people think the story is good” but ... i dont think anyone is confused about the story of hades and persephone anyways? like, the ancients werent fuckin morons. zeus was a tyrant king and a story of how despots, even one’s who gain it thru noble means, will inevitably abuse their power. athena was dedicated to protectin women but when a woman needed her most she turned her into a fuckin monster. hera, in her hetero jealousy, harms WOMEN more than men when it comes to vengeance because she believes *the harmful actions of men against women are the fault of women.* and WHO suggests that the ancients thought otherwise?

do you think they would be allowed to spread such horrific and grotesque tales without approval from religious or political authorities if this was not an intentional and integral aspect of their faith? is it not curious that most ancient writers dont rly talk about these tales but only speak of the gods in a Vague sense? is it not curious that the details are obfuscated? ignored? its because while the gods love us and care for us they are also fickle and jealous and violent and they must be, in the ancient view, respected OUT OF FEAR

they clearly understood that these were representations of natural causes (a commonly held belief by ancient philosophers) and so their stories show that the natural outcome of things like LIGHTNING STORMS or EARTHQUAKES happen to everyone because the world is just Like That Sometimes; givin names to these causes just makes it easier to explain them. it helps them figure out the Shape of their trauma, far easier than the existential horror that we experience in our hyper objective world of today

so no, i dont think your modern liberal minded fag is gonna go “oh hades and persephone is so romantic” and even helpols on this site pretty famously go for the stories that resonate more with them on a personal level than the ancient stories men told other men to make them feel good about bein men

yes, even if the story is about two gays

if you think a story is bad on a personal level and think gayness wouldnt solve it ... Okay. thats subjective, movin on.

if you think its bad because makin it gay is a superficial bit of representation, im sorry you live a borin life? all representation is superficial then, if you wanted to be that kindve a jerk about it.

if you think makin it gay harms the original script, im sorry to tell you that oral history has changed most scripts so beyond their original form that we will NEVER be able to know that that original story was (and very likely, from an anthropological point of view, the origin of these stories could be as old as 5 to 10 thousand years ago told in different times with different gods and different circumstnaces; we will NEVER know the original story)

changin the story to fit your modern sensibilities and makin it gay is not bad, dont let anyone tell you otherwise. it even might make the story infinitely better! who knows, who cares! write what makes you happy, fuck these hos

[yoonieper]

Some of these asks are making me cackle. Director dominate jungkook 😭😭 LMFAO. That’s a good one but I do agree. He has yet to experience things romantically and sexually. He’s suffered in his loveless marriage for too long 😔 Picking himself back up will be hard but I know he has good people around to support him, he just needs to let them in. Weren’t his parents also in an arranged marriage? They probably are stuck on the idea that they’ll eventually learn to live with each other without being in love and poor jungkook is a hopeless romantic. I know his brother was originally supposed to take over his current position hmmm they don’t seem too close since we haven’t had any scenes where they call to catch up etc. I know jungkook didn’t mind taking the position at the company but maybe it’s because that’s the only life he really knew, following and doing what his parents wanted of him. I do hope his parents help him out and see how much damage has done on their son. Y/n really is the light in his life so I hope he holds onto her and I hope she doesn’t give up on him. Their relationship is so special and vulnerable.

And I am on team who believes yuri has been cheating since day 1. That girl hasn’t put any effort in and expects everything to be handed to her on a silver platter. Why does she enjoy torturing jungkook so much? If she doesn’t know why she married or is still putting up with him why doesn’t she bring up leaving him and divorce? Why continue to stay if he “annoys” her so much? I need her to experience karma, she’s such an icky character 🥴 Y/n is much more classy, smart, confident, and beautiful than she is. I want jungkook to smile more and I want him to seek out Namjoon so I can finally swoon over Dr. Joon in glasses (he’s my bias if you couldn’t tell hehe).

Q: Since you have the chapters written out already, have you changed anything significant in the plot or added different scenes to the chapters? I know a writer’s mind is always changing once new ideas pop up so I wanted to see what your thought process looks like.

I won’t comment too much about most of this since all will be revealed in due time, but AHHH this was fun to read, I love long speculative post like this! Also jsksjsksksks with Dr. Joon, I’m excited too 🙂‍↕️

But to answer your question something MAJOR changed when I was still writing these chapters. I can’t really talk about it now because it deals with things in the future upcoming chapters but there was one important element to the story that I was indecisive about that became cemented once I moved closer and closer to it. Again I can’t talk about it right now but after the end of this arc I can kinda get into it! Oooo, I think I can say that I started writing the prologue back in 2020, and there was some changes to it over the years but it relatively stayed mostly the same, however I actually had two different drafts for part 1 that I originally started soon after! For the longest time I couldn’t figure out how I wanted to structure this story. I managed to get a couple k in then I was like sumn about it feels off before it was I think the end of 2022 that I finally decided to scrape it and change the structure entirely. Once again I can’t get into the details cause it would spoil the story completely but trust I will come back to this!

I can answer your question a little better with some changes to scenes! So typically how I write is I do very VERY rough first drafts to start with. I try and work in as many details as I can but if it’s not coming to me at the time I move on. Once the first draft is complete I then enter into the editing stage of what I call “putting meat on its bones” and working on the details I missed out on. Idk why but I find it easier to come up with those details when I don’t have the burden of finishing the story/chapter. This usually involves just adding the little details that make the story a little more lifelike. Then we move onto more traditional editing where I get into the grammar and making sure it actually reads well. I’ve been editing these initially chapters of For the Birds for over a year, but I’m only now having betas read through the chapters and give their feedback. Based on their comments sometimes I’ll make more drastic changes to scenes and sometimes add whole additional scenes, usually based off the notion that I just couldn’t figure out what a scene was missing based on my own editing and with more options it’s easier to manifest that discontentment into changes I can make. Part 3 is a great example! That whole scene with late night meeting between Y/n and Jk ended up getting like 3k added to it by the time I was publishing because I wasn’t very happy with how it lead into the smut and my betas gave some very helpful advice that lead to 3k being added to the scene. Oooo and I can give a more recent example but in part 4 that convo between Jk and Yoongi had some small but notable changes to Yoongi’s advice he ultimately gave Jungkook that ultimately worked out better to what I wanted! OOO and something a bit more specific but that part in part 4 with Y/n detailing what happened in the days leading up to when Jk and her talk again wasn’t there a few days beforehand so thank you to the betas for the help 😌🫶🏽 It’s typically things like this that end up getting changed and added. Editing for me usually takes forever but I find it one of the most fun stages! Some of these changes are big, some are some but noteworthy, but usually if I’m not happy with I’m changing something. This arc especially went through what I would say the most changes as I was a little less sure of how I wanted it to be exactly told starting out, but I have a storyboard now detailing the most notable details of the future arcs and chapter planned far out so I think things like that will happen a lot less now! The story has certainly evolved since I really got into writing it but once again I’ll discuss more of those details later!

Hoped this answered your question anon and sorry I didn’t expect this to become so long 😭~

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Its getting kinda late (by my standards) but I cant stop thinking about the way Stephanie gets protrayed in Rudolf media, specifically thinking about Kronprinz Rudolf letzte Liebe (1956) and Rudolf: Affaire Mayerling because those are really the only pieces of Rudolf-media Ive seen so far that actually feature her a little, which I thought was kinda weird watching my first few films, like that was his wife, how come she's barely in these, but then I was like "well, if their marriage was bad, then I guess they wouldnt spend all that much time together if they could avoid it" so whatever

Anyway, so what I find weird about Stephanie is that she gets so villainized for..... being bitter towards her husband who keeps publicly cheating on her? Not wanting to get a divorce when theyre both royalty and that would be an incredibly huge deal, nevermind the fact that it doesnt even seem like a decision she can really make ?? Like, I dont know late 19th century austrian divorce laws, I only know what these movies show me and what show they me is, Rudolf sending a letter to the pope requesting a divorce, the pope not only denying the request but also snitching to his dad who calls him over to be like "are you INSANE. what were you THINKING trying to get a divorce without my permission", which leads me to believe that even if she did agree to Rudolf's divorce suggestion instead of insisting that she'll never divorce him, they would not have been allowed to do that without imperial and papal approval, so why is this her fault

And granted, she might be portrayed this way because she sucked irl, I wouldnt know because Im not really a history person so feel free to educate me on that, but idk. as it stands, it smells a little like misogyny to me. But even more than that, it smells like people in the 20th century inexplicably seeming to have completely forgotten that marriages being loveless and transactional/for a specific purpose that has nothing to do with romantic love was extremely common in the past, especially amongst the aristocracy. I feel like all these movies are being like "oh nooooo T-T look at this poor man who cant be with the woman he loves because he's stuck with this bitter bag that doesnt even love him" meanwhile Im just like buddyyyyyyyy, if you were a noblemen in the 1800s they (the parents) used to just pick out a random cousin you've met twice for you to marry and you would just have to live what that, who caresssssss

[ortizselene]

'I think it’s a weird way of them trying to prepare us for the ‘real world,’ or something,'

Selene thinks on it.

Unfortunately, Kieran's answer rings true.

Perhaps this was their way of showing love— perhaps it was just a form of love so gnarled and harsh that it was unrecognizable to everyone else.

A painful love, a strict love that made them feel more chastened than cared for.

Selene's lips purse in thought, watching as Kieran's lovely hands curl around the glass of his beer.

Too quick. Too slow. Learn the ropes my way, learn on your own, actually, and don't expect anything from me.

'I don’t know. It’s like he wants me to be a better version of himself, but I’m also constantly in competition with this idea he has of me.'

The pads of Selene's fingers press hard into her own glass, throat tightening at the idea of Kieran never being unable to outpace his competition, because the only one at his neck was some imaginary version of himself.

How was that fucking fair?

How could he win against someone who was entirely imaginary? Not for the first time, and certainly not for the last, Selene feels hot indignation spark in her lungs on Kieran's behalf.

And then—

'At my age, he was already married with kids. And I’m not. But if I date, it’s a distraction. If I don’t, I’m just wasting time.'

Marriage. Kids. Dating, not dating.

Any of those words, in any combination with Kieran, always tends to make her heart thrash and panic and hope; it beats in some strange guilty fashion, as if he might suddenly look over at her face and see her emotions written clearly across her forehead. Don't waste your time with other women!

As it were, Kieran's face disappears into the expanse of his hands.

'Like, what the fuck am I supposed to do?'

Emotions, hot and wet press at Selene's eyes.

Well, she thinks. You could always allow your family to guilt you into a loveless engagement while you pine for your fiance's sibling.

Or conversely— you could kiss me and we can just disappoint our parents together, but we can be happy.

But Selene doesn't want to be delusional. Even if Kieran returns her feelings— and god, with their smiles today, with all that golden warmth between them, Selene is beginning to really hope that its true— she can't expect Kieran would just throw everything away to be with her.

Not after things have already been so difficult for him with his family.

Her lips twist, and in a move that is both perhaps treacherous and brave, Selene reaches across the table to curl her hand around Kieran's wrist.

For a moment, she says nothing. Words and comforts and admissions pass through her brain and eyes like projector slides, switching and switching, unable to settle on what is best and what her heart wants most. Are they the same?

"I want to tell you have to separate your personal and professional life, and it's ... fucking unfair that either are being graded by someone's unwinnable metric."

But, but, but.

But I know that's complicated. But I know about sacrificing your own happiness on the alter of parental approval. But I know all about it, because I'm in a fucking sham of an engagement and my dad still acts like it's not enough.

"I feel like normal people advice is so unhelpful for us, though."

A beat.

Selene presses her thumb against the bone of his wrist, a pulsating bit of psychical contact that was more than they'd had in years. They weren't normal, really. Their families were so far removed from normal it was difficult to explain to anyone else— Selene didn't know how to express that absent, demanding father with high expectations was such a shallow, woefully inadequate explanation of how their family dynamics move.

Ironically, Kieran would probably be the only person to understand if she started talking about how the engagement was all but a political and economic move; everyone else would look at her as if she'd just started talking about court alliances and medieval betrothals.

How ironic indeed.

Selene feels the warm thrill of his pulse beneath her hand. Was touching like this allowed?

"But. I hope you find out, despite it all— what's gonna make you happy."

I think I know what mine is, and I don't think I can have it.

Selene smiles anyway, allows the pad of her thumb to enjoy the warmth of him for one more second before her hand retracts and returns to her beer, even as her gaze lingers on his hand, the way connects so perfectly with his wrist.

Admitting all of this to Selene felt so freeing, in a way. She was perfect, in his eyes. He still thought that, but … that was a little more difficult to admit. It felt easy referring to themselves in the past tense, reminiscing about days gone by. There was some sort of protective film around those memories that made it easier to admit that, at one point, she’d been the most important person in his life.

When she mentioned that she was jealous, too, Kieran simply shook his head, because it didn’t make sense. There was nothing to be jealous of. Sometimes, Kieran felt painfully average. No matter how hard he studied, or how much he rehearsed a pitch, his father never seemed impressed.

"I suppose its nice to know our parent's treatment of us isn't because of a lack of talent."

Kieran pondered on this for a moment. Sometimes, it felt like he was being punished for being the smartest person in the room, the most aggressive. Others, it was for being too quiet, for letting others steal the spotlight. There was no middle ground, nothing that made his father happy, it seemed.

“I think it’s a weird way of them trying to prepare us for the ‘real world,’ or something,” Kieran said with a shrug. He leaned back, resting his spine against the cushioned seat. He reached for his beer. “My dad, at least. It’s like he wants me to know what real business is like, and what it’ll be like when he’s gone… but he doesn’t wanna give me any of his secrets. He wants me to earn them, but if I earn them too quickly, or too slowly, he doesn’t like it. I don’t know. It’s like he wants me to be a better version of himself, but I’m also constantly in competition with this idea he has of me.”

Kieran sighed. He brought the bottle to his lips, tilted his head back to swallow the last few sips of his beer. Kieran shook his head, unsure if the words were even making sense.

“Like, he looks at where he was at twenty-eight or twenty-nine, and if I’m not there, or if I’ve superseded it somehow, I get punished for it.”

Kieran looked at Selene.

“At my age, he was already married with kids. And I’m not. But if I date, it’s a distraction. If I don’t, I’m just wasting time.”

Kieran laughed incredulously. He buried his face in his hands, stifled a frustrated groan, leaning over the table to look at Selene.

“Like, what the fuck am I supposed to do?”

[sumarmz]

Rant about having divorced parents and stuff

TW: mentions of sh and $u1c1d@l thoughts

Also this is a mess so a lot of it probably won't make sense lol

"Don't divorce! Try to make it work for the children!" My parents like despise each other and the only reason my mom waited so long to divorce is for me and my sister to grow up in a 'normal' family, and guess what. I had suicidal thoughts and was regularly cutting myself because kids pick up on things like this and, if your partner is horrible towards you, what makes you think they'll be better towards your kids? We moved out 2 months ago and I've been clean ever since 👌 and i only get not so nice thoughts when I think about certain people from my old city. Please don't stay for the kids, if you're unhappy then they'll be unhappy too. In just 2 months my life has gotten so much better, all because my mom had the courage to leave him. It may have came late sure, and I resent the fact that I'm never getting that part of my childhood back. But there's some people out there who didn't get any of their childhood, all because of the stupid "for the kids" thing. The standard nuclear family is not the only way to be happy. The stigma around divorce is pointless and unnecessary. Yes it upsets the kids, like I've known it was coming and I still cried until I could barely breathe once we moved out. But in the long term its so much better than forcing them to grow up in an unhealthy environment. Try to resolve issues of course, but don't stay if you know its over. Divorce hurts kids, but don't hurt them further by forcing them into a situation where they know that you're basically trapped in a loveless marriage all because of them. Because that fucks with you, knowing that if you weren't born both your parents could be happy with separate lives.