#I think something died under our dish washer cause there’s a smell

[damndude69]

we pay way too much a month for the amount of mouse shit germs we be breathing in daily

[agoddamnbeautifulidiot]

Flicker of Hope

Chapter Eleven: The Agreement

A/N: Hope you all enjoy it! Send me some feedback. Love you all <3

Radio silence. 

Three full days of radio silence.

And yes, maybe it was self inflicted. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. 

The moment you’d kissed Niall, you’d felt every dream you’d ever had come true. And then he’d opened his mouth.

“Oh.”

That one word will haunt you for the rest of your life. The panic and fear you’d experienced after had driven you all the way outside and several blocks down before you’d hailed a cab and went back to your flat, tail firmly between your legs.

You’d buried yourself in work. It was the only way to cope. The tab to buy plane tickets had been opened and closed more times than you could count. Running as far away as possible seemed like an excellent idea until you’d realized the only place you could go would be home. With all of the drama with your sister and Josh, you’d decided it was better to handle that from an ocean away.

So here you are, three days and six hours into your self forced isolation. Coffee mugs and empty take away containers litter your table, surrounding your computer and the same spot you’ve been sat in since you woke up.

The buzzer by your door sounds and the hope that it’s Niall causes a skip of your heart. You deflate when you realize it’s probably just the delivery for the lunch you ordered.

Pressing the button, you grab your purse for the tip and wait as the elevator chugs up the one flight to your door. When it opens, it’s not at all what you’d expected.

“I wanna know what the hell is going on!” Tara demands as she storms past you and into the apartment. Mouth wide, you turn and watch her take in the space. “It’s disgusting in here, what’ve you been doing?”

Your mouth opens and closes several times, but no sounds comes out.

Tara crosses her arms and stares at you expectantly. After a moment, she sighs. “Alright, you and Niall are being very mums-the-word right now and I don’t like it. It’s my job to be in the loop.”

“Niall?” It’s all you can say and it’s practically a whisper.

“Yes, Niall. Ya know, dark hair, blue eyes. Wears those ridiculous caps that we all pretend to hate but secretly love. Niall.” The confused look she gives you speaks volumes. Apparently Niall wasn’t talking about any of it either. “So are you gonna pony up and tell me what happened or do I have to try to ring it out of him again?”

At your silence, she rolls her eyes and removes her jacket. She grabs several mugs off of your table and carries them to the sink.

“I dunno what’s gone on between the two of you, but you’d better figure it out. I’ve got a sulking pop star on my hands and from the looks of it, you’re in no better shape.” She continues to clean up the mess you’ve made, throwing away empty containers and rinsing out mugs for the dish washer. “Thank goodness Niall has someone to do his hair and make him up or he’d probably look like you right now.” 

Brows furrowed, you glance down at your sweats and faded t-shirt. Your hand goes to your hair, the bun on your head floppy against your hand and you’re sure that Tara has to be right.

“It’s just been a rough couple of days.” You find your voice, running your hands down your shirt to brush off any dirt or crumbs.

Tara nods suspiciously. “Well if you’d tell me why, maybe I could help.” When you shake your head, she sighs. “The two of you are literally the most stubborn people I’ve ever met. I’m gonna go gray because of you idiots.”

“Hey!” It’s a half hearted protest and only serves to make her snort and shake her head at you. Crossing your arms, you enter full pout mode.

“Don’t give me that face,” Tara warns, wiping her hands on a kitchen towel and leaning against the counter, eyes trained on your face. “I’m serious though, if you need to talk I’m here.”

The soft way she says it makes tears press at the back of your eyes. Shaking your head, you open your mouth, sighing when the buzzer saves you from bearing your soul.

You press the button to open the door, giving a sigh of relief when the elevator opens and the delivery guy steps out. Once he hands you the food and gets his tip, you shut the door and turn back to Tara. She’s just watching you, arms crossed and eyes slightly narrowed.

“You’re holed up in your apartment, living off of tea and take away so I’m going to safely assume it’s something he did and not the other way around.” There’s a slight question attached, but you simply shrug and start pulling food out of the bag. Tara grabs two plates and helps you dish out the Chinese for both of you. Apparently she wasn’t going to leave until you’d come out with it.

You sit, side by side on your couch. Tara makes small talk and you make an effort to respond in a way you think will make her happy.

Afterwards, she makes the both of you tea and you realize how nice it is to have someone take care of you after three days of your own miserable company. You sip it, staring out the window by your chair as she watches you closely.

“Y/N,” She says it so softly that you have to look at her. “I’m your friend. Please tell me what happened.”

You can’t stop the tears when they start and it’s the first time you’ve let yourself cry over this. Tara scoots towards you and rubs her hand soothingly up and down your back.

“I’m such an idiot, Tara.” She’s shakes her head, but you just nod your head. “I let myself think that he was—that we were—and then I just kissed him.”

Tara’s hand stops and her eyebrows shoot up. “You kissed Niall.” It’s not a question. She knows you’d never make anything like this up.

With a nod, you rub your sleeves under your eyes and nose, sniffling in an effort to hold yourself together.

“And what did Niall say about that?”

Sniffling, you let out a small sigh. “‘Oh.’”

Tara blinks at you for a moment, eyebrows furrowed as she takes in what you’ve said. “He said ‘oh’?” At your nod, she starts to rub your back again, the look on her face one of confusion. “What does ‘oh’ even mean? Why would he say ‘oh’?” You shrug lightly. “Well what did he say after that?”

“I don’t know. I left after that. Didn’t need to actually hear him tell me he didn’t want that with me.” One of her eyebrows raise and with Tara, you know that means business.

“So you left,” She sighs and pulls her arm back. “Didn’t even let him get another word out? My god you’re both idiots.”

“Hey!” Tara stands up and grabs her phone off the table.

She seems to push several things before lifting the phone to her ear. “Hello idiot #2. I’m over here with idiot #1,” You glare at her but she ignores you. “And we’d love it if you joined us.” She’s quiet for a moment. “Yes, now get your arse over here.” Hanging up the phone, she gives you a hard look up and down. “You’ve got thirty minutes. Go shower and put on something that doesn’t smell.” 

Helping pull you off the couch, she gives you a decent shove over towards your room. With Tara, there’s no arguing so you don’t bother to try.

Once you’re in the shower, you take a moment to breathe. Obviously, that had been Niall that Tara had called. The thought of seeing him again after what you’d done was really messing with your head. When you started rubbing conditioner on your body instead of body wash, you knew it was time to get out.

Finding an outfit was easy. Niall had seen you in just about everything, so you didn’t feel the need to try to impress him. Jeans and a simple t-shirt seemed the perfect outfit to maybe lose your best friend in.

“Stop it,” you harshly whisper to yourself. “Those thoughts aren’t helping anyone.”

When you hear the front door open and close, your nerves start again tenfold. You press your ear to the bedroom door and strain to hear as Tara brings Niall inside and forces him to sit down on the couch. Steeling your nerves, you slowly pull the door open.

The living room gets quiet and you come around the corner. Niall’s eyes find yours and you look away quickly, finding Tara’s gaze. She glances between the two of you.

“Alright, I’m gonna leave you idiots to deal with this.” You and Niall both give her a slightly desperate look. “Nope, you lot are on your own. No running away,” She points at you and then Niall. “You’re here until you figure this out.” 

When Tara’s gone, you and Niall sit in silence. He on the couch and you in your chair across the room. You can feel his eyes on you, yet you can’t bring yourself to meet them.

He sighs. In your peripheral vision, you see him lean forward and place his elbows on his knees.

“Least ya could do is look at me,” He says softly.

Slowly, cautiously, you raise your eyes to meet his. His eyes are a sea of emotional. Blue and gray that calls to you; has always called to you.

“There she is,” His voice melts over you and you’re suddenly nervous again. “Let’s talk about dis, yeah?”

Keeping quiet, you let him take the lead. “Alright so,” He sighs again. “The other day, we were—when I said—“ Rubbing his hand down his face, he stands up to pace. “I just—I just wanna know why.”

Your voice is stuck in your throat as your mouth opens and closes around no sound.

Niall’s hands go up and then to his hips as he looks at you. “Why would ya kiss me and then just leave? What we’re ya thinkin’ den? What in the hell are ya thinkin’ now? I just need ya to talk—“

“I wanna forget about it.” You blurt loudly. Niall stops, hands going to his hips as he stares at you. “I don’t know what I was thinking, it didn’t mean anything.” His eyes watch you, a little something like hurt flashing for just a moment. “I just want to forget about it and go back to our lives.”

The room is silent and still as Niall stares at you and you avoid his glance.

When he clears his throat, you glance up at him to see him nodding. “Alright. We’ll move on. It was a mistake and we can just pretend it never happened.” The stab to your heart almost makes you lose your composure. Niall grabs his coat and pulls it on. “I’ll see ya tomorrow at the airport?” At your nod, he clears his throat awkwardly and gives a small wave. “Alright. See ya.”

He’s out the door before you can convince yourself to change your mind. When the tears start to fall, you don’t stop them. Despite the fact that you’d both agreed to move on, you had the distinct feeling your relationship with Niall would never be the same.