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urfavstargirl1 · 3 years ago

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The Empress, Part VIII

A/n: To everyone reading, thanks for being patient with me for writing this chapter. Life's been busy and this came out much later than I planned, but I wanted to continue this story and write it to the best of my ability. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and as a reward there is a spicy (albeit very subtle) ending ;)

AO3 Link

Kylo Ren x Female Reader

Words: 6400

Chapters: 8/10

Chapter Summary: After a bad dream reveals Y/n's anxieties about her job and relationship with Kylo Ren moving to fast for her to keep up with, she takes the difficult but necessary steps to confront her feelings

Story Summary: As Kylo Ren steps into power as Supreme Leader, he struggles to use his power to effectively lead the Empire. Y/N is a renowned Commander eagerly working her way up the ranks. Her loyalty to the Empire is tested when the Supreme Leader suddenly takes an interest in her. When one date becomes several and she is ultimately tasked with becoming Empress and wife of the Supreme Leader, will Y/N be able to handle that kind of power outside the commander’s uniform?

CW: angst, swearing, romance, kissing, making out, fluff, allusions to sex(??)

“About time we dragged your ass out,” my friend Karmir exclaims as the server brings out our drinks and appetizers. I look to our other friend Balia as she digs into the appetizer and nods in agreement.

“I know,” I say shyly. I reach across the table to grab each of their hands in mine, “I needed this. And, I know we really needed this,” I earnestly say with a smile.

“Oh c’mon Y/n, they just brought out our drinks and you’re already getting sappy on us,” Karmir teases.

“Shut up!” I exclaim and toss a balled up napkin at him.

“So, how’re things with lover boy,” Balia asks.

“Ugh” I groan and take a sip of my drink.

“Trouble in paradise much,” Karmir smirks.

“Um, sort of. I mean, he’s great. He hasn’t done anything wrong. I think there’s just a lot more that comes with dating someone like him than I imagined and it’s starting to catch up to me now.”

“Like what? Does he have a secret doll collection? Does he sleep with socks on?” Karmir jokes and I snort at the thought.

“Oh stars no he does not have a secret doll collection,” I roll my eyes. “But I don’t actually know if he sleeps with his socks on or not.”

Balia and Karmir look at one another and then to me.

“You what?” Balia asks.

“What?”

“You don’t know how he sleeps?”

“No… should I?”

“Y/n, you’re telling us that you guys haven’t slept together before, like never shared a REM cycle with the guy?”

“Um… no?”

“Y/n,” my friends exclaim in shock.

“What?!”

“You haven’t spent the night with him yet?” Karmir asks.

“No, isn’t it kind of early for that,” I guiltily ask.

“Hm, I mean definitely go at whatever pace is comfortable for you, but to be honest, if that hasn’t happened yet I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened soon,” Balia advises and I widen my eyes in response.

“Do you really think so?”

“Yeah Balia’s right,” Karmir chimes in.

“I mean, it’s kind of hard to do that for us. Any time we spend time together, we usually meet up in some third location. I’ve never even been to his quarters before, until…,” I start to say before it hits me. It was just a dream. It wasn’t real. That wasn’t a real memory. But why did it feel that way?

“Y/n,” Balia calls out to me while Karmir snaps his fingers.

“Huh?”

“Are you okay?” Balia asks

“You look like you’re gonna pass out on us, kid,” Karmir adds and moves a glass of water towards me. I take it and swallow several gulps.

“I’m sorry, I just remembered something incorrectly.”

Balia and Karmir raise eyebrows at one another then look at me, both with an equally quizzical facial expression.

“I’ve never been to his quarters in real life, but I went once… in a dream.”

“Oh… Well… a dream doesn’t exactly count, Y/n.”

“No, you don’t understand. I mean, yes, I know it doesn’t count in the grand scheme of things, but… it… it just felt realistic enough.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Balia asks me and I look into her wide black eyes framed with short curly lashes. I really look into them. I didn’t think I’d want to talk about this at all but the look in her eyes gives me the comfort I need and reassurance that it’s ok to face these things. That I’m not alone. Because if I can’t tell my best friends in the entire world about these things, then who could I tell?

I press my lips in a line and nod.

“Several nights ago I had this… this beautiful yet terrifying dream. I’ve never dreamt of something so lifelike before. But some of the things that happened in the dream really shook me up, so much so that… that I didn’t even tell Kylo about it. I haven’t told anyone about it.”

“What happened, Y/n?”

“The first thing I remember was walking through his quarters. It was my first time being there. I can’t even remember why he brought me, but somehow it was just the two of us in such an intimate space. Up until that point, in my waking life, I had thought a lot about what his quarters might be like. I thought about how big of a step it would be for us to see into the parts of our lives that are kept private and that thought terrified me. And in my dream, I wasn’t afraid, at least not at first. As I walked around I thought that his place was exactly how I imagined it would be. The physical representation of him in a living space was very comforting to me somehow. But it also reminded me that there are many parts of our lives that are still separate from one another and I don’t think I want to keep them that way for much longer. It scares me, but I think I want him to be a bigger part of my life. I think as each day passes, he means more and more to me. More than I’ll ever really understand or care to admit…” I pause, realizing what I’m saying.

It’s funny how little power an emotion can have when you keep it neatly tucked away in the back of your mind or your heart, until you fully vocalize it and realize just how much it can be a part of you if you let it.

“Oh Y/n, honey,” Balia coos and reaches across the table to hold my hand.

‘I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ve actually said that out loud before, and even though it’s how I feel it also makes me want to cringe out of my skin,” I laugh.

“It’s okay Y/n, it looks like our baby is in love,” Karmir gushes and I scrunch my face and physically cringe my body at his words earning a chuckle from them both.

“Wait, but how did it turn into a nightmare,” Karmir asks.

“So, um, things started getting kinda heated after that,” I say with a blush and carefully select my words after, slightly uncomfortable with articulating the topic. “Um, things moved to the bedroom which kind of freaked me out at first. He was being a little cocky and forward in the dream which is a bit unusual for him but kind of hot,” I giggle and Balia and Karmir join in.

“Oh I just know his dark side has got to be good,” Karmir sighs.

“Did he show you how to use his lightsaber,” Balia winks.

“Balia,” I feel an instant blush rise to my cheeks raising the temperature of the room by a good one hundred degrees. “Oh stars no! Things escalated, but not that much. And even if we wanted to I don’t think it could’ve happened because at one point like hundreds of candles magically showed up and started a fire in his room and we had to run out and it was just this whole chaotic mess and–

“Is that? No, it can’t be! Vice admiral Y/n,” a familiar voice teases while sliding into the seat next to me. I look across to Balia and Karmir who give me an equal look of confusion. I swallow my drink and turn towards the perpetrator.

“Locke, what are you doing here?”

“What? Can’t I come and congratulate the First Order’s best and brightest,” he wiggles his eyebrows.

“Looks like you just did,” I sarcastically quip.

Locke clutches the fabric of his shirt over his heart.

“That hurts, y/n,” he jokes and I roll my eyes with a smile. What is he doing here, of all places? And why now of all times? Is seeing this man for forty hours a week not enough? And before I can even ask why he’s here, he says “So do you feel it yet?”

“Feel what?”

“The power, the prestige… the force maybe? I don’t know.”

I shrug and shake my head.

“C’mon, there’s gotta be something. Please, give a young novice commander some hope that things get better,” he jokingly pleads with puppy dog eyes. I hate to admit this, but if Locke wasn’t a soldier in the First Order, he could’ve made a decent actor.

“Shut up Locke, you’ve been doing this just as long as I have. We’re no different.”

“Oh but our uniforms say otherwise,” he replies, referring to the new uniform patch reflecting my new rank that I received this morning. I choose to ignore his implication and remain neutral.

“Oh, you mean how they both say First Order Defenders?”

“You know what I mean,” he replies with a smack of his lips.

“I do, but you seem to forget that we’re on the same team.”

He offers me a contemplative look. I look at Balia and Karmir who mouth “what is happening right now?”

“Well in that case, as long as you promise to have each other's backs when we set out to Korr then I think we’re all good here.”

“What,” Karmir chokes on his drink.

“You’re going back to Planet Korr again?” Balia asks and I sullenly nod. I’m actually really excited to be going back to Korr, but I know it’s at the expense of the time I could be spending with them.

“Why? You were literally just there. We haven’t had enough time with our favorite star girl since she got back.”

Karmir is partially right. I was just on a mission to Korr a month or two ago, but in the time since I’ve been back I’ve spent nearly all of it busy with work. And in the small fraction of time I have outside of work, I usually spend it with Kylo. Well, that was until the dream... But even then, I know I need to make more time for my friends which was what tonight was supposed to be about till Locke crashed it.

“I know,” I reply with a hint of guilt. “Things have been ramping up a lot at work so I have to go back for a few weeks to establish the new First Order Base.“

“Woah, but that’s really good news right” Balia asks and I nod with an appreciative smile.

“A few weeks? Damn, well when do you leave?” Karmir asks.

“Next week,” I solemnly shrug.

“Well, I guess that’s just all the more reason to celebrate and make the most of the time we have now,” Balia cheers and raises her glass.

“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” I gleefully respond and raise my glass to the air. Karmir joins in and Locke waits for my nod of approval to follow suit.

“Cheers,” we exclaim and clink glasses.

—

“Careful there,” Locke says as he places my arm across his shoulders and his arm across my mid back to steady me.

“Make sure you drink plenty of water before you go to sleep okay,” he adds. When we arrive at the door to my quarters, I lean against the wall and fish through my pockets for my key.

“Are you… taking care of me,” I tease with a smirk. He scoffs.

“Someone as smart as you should already know to drink water, but in this current… state… you look like you could use a reminder.”

“You know, you always have the perfect backhanded compliments. You never fail to create the ideal balance of niceness and rudeness all at the same time, how do you do it?”

He shrugs, “Natural talent I suppose” and I giggle.

“Who would’ve thought a commander would be the one taking care of the vice admiral,” he jokes.

“Ugh, don’t even say that and you are not even taking care of me… you’re just being a good friend,” I defend.

“Sure, you can call it that,” he shrugs.

“Seriously, thanks for bringing me back. Tonight was really fun even though you weren’t even invited.”

“Ugh, that was rude.”

“No it wasn’t! It was the truth. I mean, what else would you call my one night out with my friends being infiltrated by my nosy coworker?”

“A blessing in disguise,” he teases with wiggled eyebrows.

“Shut up,” I roll my eyes.

“That’s one way to thank a good friend for helping you get home safely,” he teases, but It brings an instant wave of guilt over me.

“I’m sorry, I just–”

“No, no, don't be sorry. I was just teasing. You don’t have to thank me, anyone with half a brain would look out for their own, you know?”

And I do know. The innate sense to protect and care for others runs deeply through both of us. We tease each other all the time and butt heads far too often, but I know it’s because of how similar we are.

“But, if you ever did, you know, want to thank me… maybe you could… I don’t know… put in a good word for me… with the Supreme Leader?” Locke asks while rubbing his palm against the back of his neck.

“What?” I inquire, instantly sobered by his question. I widen my brown eyes to lock onto his blue ones.

“You know, after this mission, maybe he’ll take notice of me and start bringing me on some more upper level assignments too.”

“Locke, what are you trying to say?” I press my lips in a thin line to hide their trembling motion.

“Well, I just see how much you’re progressing and a lot of people are noticing too. And don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for you, really I am. In fact, I’m proud of you. I just know that if you can do it, then I can do it too, and I really really want to do it.” Why does this feel like both a praise and a slap to the face? Standard back-handed Locke compliment I suppose.

“Locke, what makes you think I could do anything for you that you can’t already do yourself?”

“Well, because you have a connection with the Supreme Leader.” He says matter of factly.

“A connection? And what kind of connection is that?”

“The kind of connection where he would do anything for someone like you.”

What does that mean?

“What is that supposed to mean,” I ask with disgust, the stumbling girl from a few moments ago long gone by now.

“C’mon Y/n, I know things are only ever strictly business with you, but maybe if you opened your eyes just a bit, you would see that the Supreme Leader is kind of enamored with you.”

“Kind of, what a good unit of measurement,” I can’t help but poke fun at his choice of words.

“Y/n, seriously. I know you don’t see it, but that man looks at you like you’ve saved him or something. Like he’s seeing the creator of the universe in front of his very eyes whenever you’re near,” he explains. His perception of my relationship with Kylo is so off putting that I’m genuinely surprised by his words. My shock runs so high that it blocks out any anxiety at the fact that he’s figuring things out from reaching the forefront of my mind.

“I don’t know about that,” I respond, genuinely hesitant to believe Kylo looks at me that way because the few times we interact in public I feel like we make a good effort to seem as neutral and professional as possible.

“Well, I do. And I know this might be asking for a lot. And the last thing I ever intend to do is insult you, but I don’t know, I think it would help to have someone in my corner, you know? Someone to advocate for me. If you said something to him about me, it might help me be able to defend the First Order in the way I always knew I was meant to.”

I take a long look at him, furrowing my eyebrows together with my mouth agape. I can’t believe he’s saying this to me right now.

“Locke, I say this because I care about you, and believe me, I’ll always be in your corner, but you must understand, I can’t possibly do that for you.”

“Why not? I would do it for you!”

“I don’t think you would.”

He opens his mouth then closes it and lets the words sink in.

“You should know that I’ve only gotten to where I am now because I didn’t rely on anyone else to advocate for me. Everything I’ve ever achieved was because I advocated for myself. And if you really want to do all the things you say you want to do, then you’re going to have to start advocating for yourself too.”

He exhales harshly, but I can see the spinning wheels in his head. A moment of silence passes between us.

“What is going on here? It is past curfew,” a synthesized voice authoritatively exclaims. I jump and turn to my left. A stormtrooper approaches us.

“We were just returning from the tavern,” I calmly explain.

“Yes, I wanted to ensure my friend's safe arrival home,” Locke rigidly responds.

“Well then, your job is done. You may go now,” the stormtrooper commands. Locke looks at me. He looks down then back into my eyes and says, “I’m sorry… Remember what I said about drinking water, okay?” I nod in response, partially frozen from processing the events that are transpiring before my very eyes.

By the time I blink my way back to reality Locke is gone and the stormtrooper is still at my side.

“Sorry, I’ll be heading inside now,” I announce. I turn to face the door and enter my key. I open the door and take a step forward. Right when I’m about to turn around and close my door, the storm trooper barks a “wait” and pushes past me into my quarters. They close the door and rush forward.

“Hey,” I exclaim. And just as quickly as they rushed into my space, the storm trooper swiftly removes their helmet, revealing a head of luminous charcoal black hair; the most beautiful head of hair in the galaxy. Right as the connection clicks in my head, he turns around to face me.

“Kylo, what the hell? What are you doing?”

“What am I doing? What are you doing? You’re out at all hours of the night with him? I haven’t seen you in days and you blow me off for him?” He throws the helmet across the floor.

“Kylo, please, there’s no need for that,” I gesture toward the helmet. “And, I’m sorry. I forgot to tell you. I made plans to go out tonight with Balia and Karmir. I haven’t seen them in a while and I really missed them. It was supposed to be just us till Locke showed up unexpectedly and crashed our night out. We all ended up drinking and he offered to walk me back to my quarters.”

Even adorned with the most durable white material in the galaxy, I can see the steep rise and fall of his chest. The sound of his heavy breathing permeates the room.

“And besides why would you barge into my room unannounced like that. I almost had a heart attack. And why are you dressed like that?”

He lets out a humph sound and proceeds to remove the various pieces of his stormtrooper ensemble.

“Isn’t it obvious? It was the only way I could see you without raising suspicion,” he says with a sigh. I exhale exasperatedly and plop onto my bed.

“I waited many hours for you and grew worried when you did not arrive,” he asserts. After removing his leg pieces, he sits in the chair across from the desk next to my bed and starts removing his upper body armor.

“I’m sorry Kylo, I should have told you. Things have just been getting really busy lately, I feel like my mind is all over the place. I knew spending time with them would make me feel better.”

“Yeah well I wanted to spend time with you too.”

“Kylo, please, can you just try to understand–”

“Understand what? The fact that my girlfriend has been avoiding me like the plague for no reason whatsoever and when she finally does agree to spend time with me she blows me off without so much as a warning?”

“It’s not like that,” I mutter, feeling the blood in my body turn to a boil.

“Then what is it like, Y/n?”

I inhale sharply at the sound of his boots being slammed onto the floor.

“I just lost track of time.”

“Bullshit, Y/n!”

“It’s true, I… things were busy at work and then by the time it was over, Balia and Karmir dragged me out to the tavern and next thing you know here we are now.”

“Y/n, c’mon.”

“That’s what happened!” I exclaim and leap off my bed to pace across my small room.

“Fine whatever, if that’s the excuse you have for today then how do you explain this week? You practically ran out of any room I walked into and denied every invitation I sent you to spend time together outside duty hours.”

I stop in my tracks and look at him. He leans forward with his forams atop his thighs. He looks up at me and his gaze is so intense that I look away.

“I just, I’ve been busy with work, is all,” I shrug.

“Y/n, I know when you’re busy and I know when you’re avoiding me,” he replies and climbs out of the chair. He walks toward me and I turn around so that my back faces him.

“I’m not avoiding you,” I lie.

“Y/n, you’re doing it right now,” he says with a hint of a smile in his voice.

He approaches me, standing close enough for me to feel the heat of his body and smell the scent of his skin but far enough that no part of our bodies touch. His proximity is so intoxicating that I can’t even think of how to respond.

“Why are you avoiding me?” He asks softly.

“I’m not,” I breathlessly reply. He tucks a finger into a strand of my hair and gently brushes it across my shoulder to fall along my back, proceeding to produce goosebumps along the back of my neck.

“I think you’re lying,” he whispers. I shiver from the contact of his breath, hot and heavy, coating my left ear.

“Well, I’m not, I really have been busy at work.”

“I see, well perhaps I should remind Hux to coordinate a time management training, it seems the brigade could use it,” he teases. I turn around and glare at him.

“Hey! Just because I’m not the Supreme Leader doesn’t mean I don’t have a demanding and stressful job, okay?” I exclaim with a wagging index finger. He grabs my hand and interlaces our fingers

“I never said you didn’t,” he smirks. I remove my hand from his hold.

“Well you’re insinuating that my lack of free time stems from time management issues when in actuality stems from the fact that a certain vice admiral has a lot on her plate trying to defend her boyfriend's empire,” I huff and walk away from him. I take a few steps and end up in front of my door. I turn around angrily and stomp to my refresher room, passing Kylo in my wake. I roughly open the door and step through. I look at myself in the mirror. A light flush laces over my cheeks. My lack of sleep is evident in the bags under my eyes. I look horrid.

I reach out for a cloth rag and run warm water over it. I start to remove the makeup from my face when I hear Kylo’s footsteps padding toward me.

“Y/n,” he coaxes, but I’m still too upset to let it comfort me.

“What?” I glare at him through the mirror.

“Allow me,” he whispers and I turn around in confusion. He holds out his hand, palm side up near my hand with the makeup remover cloth. I look from the cloth to his eyes and he nods. I sigh and place the cloth in his large hand.

“Sit,” he softly says and I sit on the limited counter space next to my sink.

He slowly makes his way toward me. He reaches his arm out and places one hand on the back of my neck. WIth the other, he places loving strokes across my cheeks. I close my eyes and let out a huff. He removes the rest of my makeup in silence and places a soft kiss on my forehead to finish.

“There,” he says and I flutter my eyelids open. I peer up at him and he mouths the words, “so beautiful”. I offer a meek half smile in return.

“Y/n, I know the demands of your duties have greatly increased and on the one hand I couldn’t be more pleased. It brings me great joy to see your performance suitably rewarded. But I find it hard to believe that that alone is what is causing this behavior,” he comments while cupping my face with his right hand and stroking his thumb in soft slow circles along the skin of my cheek.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, since when have you ever shied away from a challenge? Becoming one of the First Order’s youngest vice admirals is no small feat. It’s something you should be proud of. I know I am.”

“Thanks,” I offer with another meek smile, too exhausted and afraid to give much more. But it doesn’t escape my notice how lightweight my heart feels at the sound of his praise for me.

“So really, what’s got you worked up so much my little star?”

Where do I even start? I mean he’s right. Under normal circumstances I would jump up and down at being promoted to vice admiral. But it’s hard to relish in the achievement when all of the First Order’s eyes are on me all the time waiting for me to mess up. They’re on me for becoming one of the youngest vice admirals. They’re on me for extending First Order dominance to the planets of Korr and potentially Myr. They’re on me when I hang out with my friends and when I talk to my coworkers about any little thing. They’re on me when I’m with Kylo. And even when I think I’m free from their gaze, it looms in my mind and penetrates my dreams. It’s absolutely exhausting.

“It’s just a lot. A lot is going on and it’s all happening really fast,” I say, hesitant to add any more. I shift, uncomfortable under his adorning gaze. I stand up from the sink and rub along my sore behind. Kylo steps backward to give me room. I sway past him and enter my room. I pause, sweeping my gaze from my desk in the corner to my full size bed and then to the door leading to the hall outside.

“Vice admiral quarters have got to be an upgrade compared to this, right?”

“Yes, they are,” he chuckles, “but even then, I’m sure you’ll outgrow them soon.”

He comments as he walks past me and climbs onto my bed.

“Kylo, what are you doing?”

“What does it look like? I’m getting comfortable,” he replies nonchalantly while sitting with his back against my headboard. I never imagined Kylo would ever be in my quarters. I figured it would take a while to get to the point where I would go over to his, but I never imagined him being in mine, especially like this.

“Come here,” he pleads and pats the spot between his legs. I gulp and climb onto the opposite side of the bed.

“A little closer,” he commands and I scoot forward an inch.

“Closer,” he repeats his words and I repeat my actions.

“Y/n, do I need to use The Force right now,” he cheekily asks.

“I know you think you’re being funny but that’s not a cool thing to say. You know how I–”

Before I can even finish my sentence, he leans forward and picks me up as though I were weightless and places me on his lap with a leg on either side of his hips. He locks his arms around my waist to cage me in.

“Kylo, what the fuck?” I push away at his stupidly broad chest. He looks down at me with amusement.

“Maybe I should use that trick more often. I kind of like it when you swear at me.”

“Kylo! You’re being really weird right now. You’re–,” I cut off with a gasp and fully blown out eyes.

“What?”

I look down at our entangled limbs and back into his glassy brown eyes. This feels a little too much like deja vu right now. I can’t do this right now. I try to wrangle out of his grasp, but his muscles are so dense they don’t even budge.

“Y/n, what are you doing?”

“I–” I start not even sure how to express what I’m feeling. I butt my head into the hardened muscles of his defined chest with a “humph”. I stay there like that, motionless, but finding increasing comfort in our lack of eye contact and the softness of his fingertips at my lower back.

“And I’m the one that’s acting weird?”

“Mhm,” I whine, voice muffled by his shirt. He places his hands along either side of my face and gently gestures my head upward. I sullenly follow his lead and look at him exasperatedly. Below his eyes are bags that resemble mine. I know why I haven’t been able to sleep, but what could be worrying him?

“Talk to me, my love. Please,” he softly whimpers and I sigh.

“It’s hard,” I whisper, looking back and forth between his eyes.

“I know baby, I know it is. But you’ve done much harder things, might I add, with the grace and ease I could only dream of.”

I pull my head back slightly, mouth slightly agape at his words. The use of the term of endearment and vulnerable thought leaves me breathless.

“Really?” He nods and smiles a small but warm smile. His bottom lip curls slightly and I raise my right index finger to run softly across it.

“Do you know why I really came here?”

“You didn’t come because I missed our date?”

“Well, that was part of it, but there was something else.”

“If it wasn’t because of that, then what could it have been about?”

He inhales deeply, thinking carefully about what words he’s going to say next. I shuffle closer towards him, enough to press my upper body against his. I peer up at him, letting him know that whatever he has to say, I’ll be okay.

“Many days ago… I sensed a disturbance within The Force. I hadn’t felt something like that in quite some time, so as you can imagine it was fairly alarming. But what made it more so was the fact that I could sense it had something to do with you,” he pauses, searching within my own eyes. He can’t possibly be talking about…

“I know your feelings about The Force, but I was concerned you might have been harmed, so I tapped into the Force hoping it would lead me to you, but there was nothing. It was like looking through a telescope, I could only see a glimpse of something so far out of reach and only be able to do nothing about it.” His thick fingers slowly glide down from my face to my hips, almost as if it were a testament to my very real physical presence in front of him, reassuring that yes I’m here, yes I’m untouched.

“It drove me crazy worrying that something might have happened to you and knowing nothing, not being able to do anything,” he adds, his eyes growing darker under his furrowed eyebrows.

“Day in and day out I searched for you, I longed for you, and I was embraced with nothing. I ached to know if you were safe. The disturbance was gone almost as soon as I felt it, but I couldn’t ignore the feeling of something being outright wrong. It has brought me many sleepless nights since. I couldn’t last another one without finally seeing you for myself.”

We sit in silence for several moments while I process his words. Absent-mindedly, he rubs circles in my skin with his thumbs. I bring my hand up to cup his face and he leans into it before bringing his head upright and looking into my eyes.

“Has anything happened to you, Y/n? Have you been hurt at all? Has anything happened to disturb your peace?”

“No, nothing has happened to me and I haven’t been hurt. That last question is a bit loaded. I can think of several things that have disturbed my peace in the last few days alone.”

“Y/n,” he scolds.

“I know, I know… When did this happen?”

“Many days have passed since I felt it, I’ve lost track.”

“No I mean… where were you when it happened? What were you doing?”

“I awoke from slumber. A sharp physical pain woke me and then I felt it. It was fleeting, but I was cognizant enough to recognize it.” My heart instantly sinks to my stomach. Damn this stupid dream for wreaking havoc on not just me, but the love of my life too. I throw myself against him and wrap my arms around his neck. He tightens his hold on my waist.

“Kylo, I’m sorry,” I whisper, tears forming in my eyes.

“Sorry? What could you be sorry for?”

“Something did happen. Although I didn’t think it was a big enough deal to have told you. But I guess it was enough, enough for you to have felt the pain I was experiencing on that day and the days afterward.”

“Y/n, what happened?”

“I… I had a dream.”

“A dream?”

“Yes, a dream. It haunted me the night I had it and every night since. It was something I thought would be better if I dealt with on my own, but I haven’t been doing a very good job of that,” I explain while avoiding his gaze.

“What happened, my love?”

And before I realize it, I’m telling him. I’m telling him everything; every thought, every detail, every fear. I tell him about the dream, my anxieties about work, my fear of losing my connection to my friends, and how intimidated I am by my feelings for him and the implications of our relationship.

“And to top it all off, there’s something I’ve been wanting to say to you, but it’s been scaring the life out of me. I don’t know how you were able to say it so easily. For me, it feels like gathering the courage to say it takes the same amount of effort as running a marathon. But I’ve been working my way towards it and I need to say it now. I need you to hear me say it, okay? And that is…” I gulp, nearly choking on my admission.

“Kylo Ren, I am in love with you,” I say with more authority than care. I look into his eyes, searching for any sort of reaction.

“I love you, and it terrifies me to both feel and admit this because it is incredibly new to me.”

I’m prepared to choke out more words to add to my declaration but Kylo beats me to the punch. He whispers a quiet “shh” before he pulls me closer to him.

“I know how much it means for you to say that. Believe me, it wasn’t easy for me either, but now, it invigorates me beyond belief. I don’t think I ever truly loved anyone before I met you. And now, I can say with confidence that my love for you is greater than the number of stars in the universe,” he whispers, eyes lock on mine before he flutters his eyelids close and I instinctively do the same.

His lips gently brush against mine and I could cry from how soft they are. Who knew a pair of lips could feel like home? He moves them against mine in a slow rhythmic motion. There is no rush. We have all the time in the world.

His lips part open and I snake my tongue along his. Our mouths move in sync, performing a push and pull, give and take of heat and energy. I run my fingers through his hair and he moans into our kiss, making my lips curve up in a smile.

He deepens the kiss even more and it makes me feel intoxicated. Perhaps this is what people mean when they say they are drunk in love because how else could I feel so weightless and full of bliss from a single pair of lips belonging to the man I love? And yet, they caress mine like a tender jewel placed along a soft pillow for preservation. For a moment I think I could stay like this forever. Kissing Kylo this way is utterly magical.

But in a swift instant he flips the switch and it awakens something deep inside me I did not think would ever reach the surface. Soon, shaking hands and sweet kisses turn to hard grips and loud groans. Skin touches skin and sweat gleans every inch of our warm bodies. Every fiber in my being sensitive to his touch.

The primal urge to establish my connection to him in such a physical way overwhelms me. It is an urge that, up until this moment, I’ve kept buried deep below largely stacked folds of guilt and shame and fear. Yet Kylo’s presence grounds me. To hear his voice call out for me is all I ever needed to know that every cell in my body cries out for him just the same. And with just a touch, he unravels me. Never have I known completion in every sense of the word until Kylo Ren came into my world.

---------------------------------------------

Taglist: @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange @asherrenwrites @g-l-pierce @livi-s @gruffle1 @mssbridgerton @dark-night-sky-99 @adaodinson @thefireoflust @pineapplechuncks @sarah5462 @annoyinglythoughtfuldestiny @would-not-recommend @karina-v20 @andromeda-blackc @hueanhdang

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smokahuntis · 5 years ago

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Pairing: Kylo Ren x Hux!Reader

Warning: Angst, Slight Domestic abuse, soft kylo.

Summery: Hux’s wife find herself in a terrible situation, and deals with it in a terrible way.

Authors note: this is much shorter then a lot of my work but it’s also extremely fluffy/angsty

Chapter 1: Vetiti Fructus

Chapter 3: Consilium

(Y/n) found herself locked away in the shared bathroom she had with Armitage. Leaning over the sink her hands gripped tightly at the black marked counter, trying everything in her to make the words on the small stick change.

Pregnant

She couldn’t be, not now, not ever. Not with Kylo Rem, not with the Supreme leader. What would Hux do to you if he heard, what would Snoke do to him if he found out. And that Scavenger girl he speaks about, what if she tries to use you. Should you tell him. No...

She’s ruin his entire life, both of them, but what would she do, it’s not like she can hide it, it’s a fucking child!

She hadn’t even noticed she was crying until there was a knock on the door, a trooper replied.

“Mrs. hux,” the voice said coming threw the door. “Supreme Leader Ren is asking for you.” He said waiting for her to answer. She sniffles and wiped her face and fixed her dress.

“Tell him I’m busy.” She said hiding the small stick in her dress.

“But miss he-“ she cut him off by opening the door and looking at him.

“Tell him I’m busy.” She said moving past him and out of the room, finding her way to Hux’s office, when she walked in she didn’t expect to find Kylo there aswell.

“Supreme Leader,” she said giving him a nod, he could tell from her eyes she was crying but he decided not to press the matter, not in front of Huxs anyways. She walked over to her husband and smiled at him then looked at Kylo. “If you’ll excuse us Supreme leader Ren, I would like to speak to my husband privately.” He was shocked to say the least but nodded and excused himself, but on his way out he tried to find his way into her mind, but found walls, blocked off, cut off from knowing what hurt her.

“Is everything alright (y/n)?” Hux asked looking at her. Though he didn’t care for her romantically he stilled cared for her as if she was his friend.

“Armitage,” she said and moved her hand over his arm running it down it, then moving to his chest fixing his shirt, over the years he noticed she did these things when she was upset or in a calm panic.

“(Y/n), you can tell me.” He said taking her hands putting them down to her sides. She took a deep breathe and looked at him.

“Our parents are dead.” She started shaking her head and walking across his office beginning to pace. “My parents are dead, your parents ar-“

“Where is this going (y/n)?” he asked watching her.

“I want a divorce Armitage...” she stopped pacing and looked at him. His eyebrows furrowed and he looked her over. In all the years they’ve been together, she’s never mentioned a divorce, he of course knew she wasn’t happy but he didn’t suspect she was this unhappy with him.

“Why...” he didn’t think before the simple word slipped from his mouth.

“Why?” She scoffed and threw her hands up looking at him. “We don’t love each other, we were forced into this whole thing by our parents.” He looked away from her. “ and for once in my life I want to live it, I want to be with someone I love!” Her statement peaked his attention instantly, his eyes fell over her again, it wasn’t until then he noticed her dresses had been more covering recently, she worse jackets more, more makeup.

“You’ve already found him haven’t you?” His eyes narrowed and he walked closer to her, she suddenly felt closed in, cramped. “Who is he?” Hux said reaching his hand up to pull at the turtlenecked collar of her dress, she could t escape his cold grasp as he pulled it down showing the Blueberry sized bite marks that covered the right side of her neck. “Tell me, who is the man who captured my wife’s heart.” He let go of the collar and fixed it for her.

“It doesn’t matter...” she said moving away from him, his eyes followed her.

“(Y/n) as happy as I am you found someone, you are still my wife and I can’t let this continue... specially if I have no clue who it is.” He took his jacket off throwing it over his desk as he looked at her, he shouldn’t care she’s happy, he really shouldn’t, but he didn’t want it to be someone who was going to hurt her, he didn’t want it to be someone who would use her.

“Even if you knew you would just be angry.” She said nipping at her nails.

“(Y/n) I don’t want them to use you,” he moved closer to her as he spoke. “You are a very beautiful woman, and i am sorry that I didn’t treat you as such but I’m not going to let some idiot treat you worse then I have!” She looked into his eyes, the tears building up more, a broken sob escaped her mouth.

“I need— I need you to protect him Armitage.” She said closing her eyes and sitting down in one of his large chairs.

“Protect who (y/n)” he said crouching down rubbing his hand over her knee soothingly. He moved her hands away from her face. “Look at me...” He said and she looked at him her eyes faltering and tears slipped from them. He sighed and stood helping her stand. “You can tell me when you’re feeling better, you need a nap.” He said taking her back to their room.

—

Kylo caught up with Hux as he walked threw the dark halls.

“I’ve been looking for you.” He said as he looked down at Hux. Hux rolled his eyes.

“And I’ve been avoiding you.” He said looking at Kylo.

“W-why exactly?” He said, he always told (y/n) it didn’t matter if Hux knew, he didn’t care, let him find out, but in this moment of not knowing if he knew or not scared him. What if Hux took her away from him, what if he never got to hold her again, or let her tend to his wounds.

Hux caught onto his stutter and looked him up and down.

“No Specific reasons.” He replied as they continued to walk, they were both on there way to the same place without even realizing it, but when they got close and Hux saw his demeanor change he knew.

He grabbed Kylo Ren by the neck slamming him into the wall by the door to his room.

“It’s you!”

“What the hell are you on about Hux?!” Kylo asked throwing him off with ease. Hux reaches for his gun and didn’t waste a second to shoot at him which was stopped by the force Kylo had.

“You slept with my wife!”

“It’s not like you were doing it!” Kylo said letting the blast go once he was out of the way.

Hux scoffed and hit him knocking he stupid helmet off of him and Kylo would have hit back has (y/n) not stopped them.

“Please! Stop!” She said holding her hands up between them, her eyes moved over to Kylo the Hux. “Not another word.” She said dropping her hands.

—

It had been 8 days since there small fight and (y/n) hadn’t spoken to either of them, not really because of the fight but because she didn’t know how to face the truth. Hux had moved into another room to give her space, it wasn’t until he came in today that she realized how bad she looked. She’s just been in a robe with her hair tide tightly away from her face, the small stick in her hand when he stormed in, he was looking for something and he was sure he left it in there, but what he found was more valuable then whatever he was looking for. He knew the stick from a mile away, he wasn’t stupid, but to see her holding it was shocking. This is why she’s been so distant, so emotional lately. But even with knowing he didn’t know what came over him, but it wasn’t him. He stormed over to her grabbing her slamming her to a wall.

“This is what you’ve been protecting?!” He growled out at her. “Not only has my wife been sleeping with another man, she’s pregnant with his child to!”

And for that second when the tears left her eyes in fear, she let the walls of her mind crumble and Kylo knew everything instantly and quickly found his way to the room.

“Get your hands off of her and my child!” He said using the force and throwing Hux across the room, it knocked him out instantly, and his blood started to trickle down his head.

“Oh my stars...” she ran over to Hux to make sure he was all right, even after that she still feared for him. “Help me Kylo, he’s hurt!” She said looking at the Supreme Leader.

He groaned and helped get Hux to the med Bay.

—

After, he pulled her aside so no one could see them. His hands found her stomach instantly, running it over and over again. He didn’t speak, he didn’t look into her eyes, he was focused on the child. She closed her eyes scared of what he would do, but she didn’t expect to hear him sob, to laugh like he did, he even fell to his knees as he hugged her, his arms wrapped around her waist and his head on her stomach.

“I’m going to be a father...” he said Kissing her stomach. Reality hit him as the words fell from his mouth. “I’m going to be a father...” he repeated and looked up at her, her hand coming down and running threw his thick hair.

“You’re going to be an amazing father Kylo Ren.” She said looking at him, tears formed in his eyes, it was like he was a new person in this moment, he was no longer fight for Snoke, he was fighting for his family.

He stood and pulled her into a kiss as he closed his eyes. Snoke...

“Snoke can’t know about this.” He said pushing back stray strands of hair. “He’d use you against me, and— I cant allow that.” He places his forehead against hers.

“What about the scavenger?” She asked running her fingers into the hair on the back of his neck.

“Rey?” He asked looking at her. She pulled back a little shocked her would even call her by her name the way he talked about her.

“Yes, Rey.”

“She won’t know, I’ll block her out for you, you have to stay safe (y/n).” He kissed her gently.

“I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Taglist: @hxldmxdxwn @jediminddicks1000

#kylo ren x reader #angst #kylo ren smut #kylo ren #daddy ren #daddy kylo #armitage hux #general hux x reader #general hux #did i say star wars?#star wars smut #star wars x reader #star wars #kylo #ren #daddy kylo ren #supreme leader kylo ren

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