#I think one of the main things that makes fitz suffer (other than the obvious circumstances of his life) is the fact he’s so deeply lonely

[heaartshaped]

Finished assassin’s quest and it was SO GOOD I loved how it was 400 hundred pages of a sad lonely self discovery journey and then just a fun little gay road trip

[bookwyrminspiration]

What do you think of Grady's behavior towards Keefe before Unlocked? I've heard people say it's toxic (like how he refuses to call Keefe by his name, overprotective, and meddles too much in Sophie's love life, etc). What do you think? It's reasonable to be protective of your daughter, but do you think Grady took it too far?

okay nonsie, let’s see if I can properly convey my thoughts on the topic

And thank you for your patience as I answered this; I was very busy recently, but now I have a lot of free time to get through all my asks and art requests!!

I think a lot of the “issues” people identify with Grady—like not using Keefe’s name, opinions on Sophie’s dating life, etc—stem from poor writing. Now, to clarify. I do not mean that Shannon is a bad writer.

What I am saying is that Grady is like a stereotypical dad figure, and Shannon leaned heavily into some of the stereotypes because this story is not about Grady and he is not the focus of deep characterization. Her efforts are focused on the main crew—which isn’t a bad thing—and so Grady has some traits that are like more extreme aspects of a typical dad in lieu of other, more personalized traits (He isn’t the only character like this)

His purpose is to be Sophie’s dad, so those aspects are made more obvious.

That was more an analysis on the writing, so I’ll try to explain it from a character perspective now.

Grady is very protective of Sophie—and is notorious for his thoughts on the boys she surrounds herself with. Which makes sense for him. His first daughter experienced a lot of hardship and judgment and scorn for her relationship—and she ended up dying for it. And now he has another daughter who’s already facing so much from so many people—he doesn’t want her to end up in a bad relationship on top of it.

In a sense, he’s like Fitz in that way. Fitz is trying desperately to hold onto the idea of himself he used to have for some stability, and Grady is stubbornly trying to make sure that at least one thing in Sophie’s life ends up okay. And if he can have an impact on that? If he can make sure the person she is going to be with is going to be good for her? You can fucking bet he is going to do all he can.

He has so little control over all the other aspects of her life and just has to watch on while she suffers and puts herself at risk for others—and he’s so incredibly proud of her, but he doesn’t have that full parental role. She’s also being monitored by the council and is often given tasks and responsibilities by or related to the Black Swan, and she’s taken care of by Elwin. A lot of his parental responsibilities have been taken on by other people, so he seems more overprotective and even controlling over the few aspects of a normal life that Sophie does have.

So in summary, I think based on Grady’s past experiences, his protective nature over his daughter makes sense and is justified. He’s seen bad experiences first hand, and that affects how he parents. But on the other hand, Sophie is not Jolie. Some of his actions—like calling Keefe “That Boy”—don’t actually help her. They’re an outward expression of his concern and worry for Sophie.

I suppose whether or not it’s “too far” is up to your personal opinions on parenting, but I will at least say that for me, it’s more than I would be comfortable with from my dad. As someone in a relationship (a qpr), that’s a private, personal part of my life. My parents have no concern for who I am with or the details of anything. All they want is to know I am happy and safe and comfortable in my relationship, which I am. They can tell, and they also trust me enough to make that judgement on my own. And to come to them if I need them.

I’m not saying that Grady doesn’t trust Sophie, but I think he’s anxious what happened to Jolie will happen to her, and he hasn’t gotten to a place yet where he can let her dating life be fully hers.

TL;DR: Grady has extreme dad-like stereotypes because he isn’t the focus of the story, and he also has trauma surrounding the loss of his first daughter because he couldn’t protect her from her significant other, so he’s become overly protective.

[theunmappedstar]

might i add! sophie has a 4k t.v. (don't ask how) and whenever her boys are sick, she finds new netflix shows to binge. keefe and fitz l o v e it. some of their favorites are stranger things, i am not okay with this, and love is blind. don't ask me why those shows. i don't know.

yes!! this is important!!

sophie would love being able to keep up with an aspect of human culture and everyday life – and fitz and keefe would love getting involved, too! human media and entertainment is drastly different from any elvin productions they’ve seen – by far. humans are a lot more… dark? and violent? but…. it’s intriguing. fitz isn’t keen on r-rated movies, though, because the violence gets Very graphic. keefe can only stomach a few. sophie’s kinda just Used to it

i feel like fitz would be into (some) documentaries and movies based on true events. he’s a knowledge sponge, guys! an adorable little nerd! he loves to learn about prominent figures in human culture and pieces of their history. it intrigues him. (and sometimes terrifies him. seriously, how are humans so violent?)

still, even if it gives him a bit of a stomach-ache sometimes, he always appreciates the effort put into the film.

think The Act, Won’t You Be My Neighbor, Miss Americana (Netflix), Gaga: Five Foot Two (Netflix), RBG, Apollo 11, Bohemian Rhapsody… 

also fitz watches Animal Planet and other series similar to it because he loves animals don’t @ me.

okay but fitz is also a sucker for rom-coms and coming-of-age stories

he loves the movies where teenagers find their way in life. he loves the movies where the characters find their soulmate. he loves the tropes and the cliches and the coffee shops. he loves the sweet and sappy movies. and honestly? the cheesier the better.

a few of those get on keefe’s nerves, but for the most part keefe also likes them. (yet, he won’t admit it).

think 16 Wishes, Mean Girls (keefe really likes that one, too), Eighth Grade, To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before (Netflix), Love, Simon, I Am Not Okay With This (Netflix)….

mystery/thrillers are also hella rad!! fitz loves picking out one and playing a game with sophie and keefe. they want to see who can guess the plot twist or killer first – and whoever can wins a favor (sound familiar ;) )

think Get Out, Black Mirror (Netflix), Gone Girl, Knives Out, Misery, Black Swan…

while fitz is into more psychological thrillers, keefe likes anything and everything generically dubbed ‘freaky’. (he thinks pennywise is pretty cool. he draws him once and sophie is both amazed and off-put by how realistic it looks)

sophie’s pretty into the horror category herself, so her and keefe can empathize on the interest. fitz is downright confused as to how they could enjoy something like that. (if it’s movie time and keefe or sophie picks one of those, fitz claims the Middle Cuddle Spot so that he’s cushioned between the two of them and can easily hide under the covers or their arms.)

keefe also likes comedy, action, chick-flicks, drama, (some) musicals… you know, this boy can basically roll with anything. does he have his favourites? yes. but can he settle down and watch something with sophie and fitz that he wouldn’t normally choose? also yes

think Megamind, Lost In Space (Netflix), Good Girls (Netflix), The Dragon Prince (Netflix), Into The Spiderverse, Pitch Perfect, Mamma Mia!, Easy A, Dirty Dancing, Us….

let’s state the obvious – keefe and fitz are both into disney. especially disney princess movies. 

and i’m serious about that!!! not as a joke, like, “oh, haha, they like the princess movies?”

yes bitch they like the princess movies

keefe’s favourite is probably Tangled. 

flynn rider is suave and has keefe’s charm/humor! maximus is tough and snarky when you meet, but he can soften up, and keefe relates to that! pascal knows how to put up a fight! and rapunzel herself is brave and adventurous and there for the people she cares about; and that’s all keefe has ever wanted to do. (also wielding a frying pan as a weapon is badass)

also, as much as it might hurt to say it, keefe relates to rapunzel, the abuse she suffered, and the trap she was in. the strong storyline and accurate depiction hits home.

fitz’s is probably Frozen. he loves the sisterly action they have going there, okay?? like how badass is anna? how badass is elsa? how badass are these women together?

sophie’s is Mulan. she’s such a strong and powerful role model to look up to! and the humor is PEAK.Mulan is also from sophie’s childhood, so that makes it even more special. the fact that she gets to share it with keefe and fitz…. magical.

also sophie lowkey wants to follow in mulan’s footsteps and slice her hair into a bi bob with a sword. see this post of mine ; )

sci-fi gets all of them. they like the adventure and the morals in the stories, the warnings for the future. they like the undiscovered planets, the tricky tech, and the general imagination that went into producing it. 

think The Matrix, Star Wars, Alien, Guardians of the Galaxy, Avatar, Tau (Netflix), Wall-E, I Am Mother (Netflix), Ready Player One…

they all have some shared favourite movies and shows, though, where their tastes align.

 think Stranger Things (Netflix) (they find it seriously freaky and amusing how similar it is to them/their situation), Once Upon a Time (these are the fairytales sophie grew up learning about?), Dark (Netflix) (does it get much better than time travel??), She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (Netflix) (again!! badass women galore!! it’s awesome!!), the OA (Netflix) (it’s shrouded with mystery), the Rain (Netflix) (this one is a big adventure!!), the Umbrella Academy (Netflix) (i mean, c’mon, they have to save the world from the apocalypse, isn’t that pretty rad in and of itself?), A Quiet Place (this one… fucking brilliant. they’re all dead silent as they watch it and it’s such a powerful movie that they feel weird making sound when it finishes… they watch it again and again and again.), Onward (it’s adorable as FUCK and keefe may cry a little everytime they watch it)…

so, yeah! keefe and fitz really appreciate human media (and it especially comes in handy when they’re sick)

but let’s all admit it…. sometimes human productions are extremely Stupid and low-budget/general low-quality. 

so, there’s always fun in picking out a movie or show to laugh/cringe at because it’s just that bad.

take this one chinese television series on netflix

it seriously looked good. it did.

but then they watched it.

it went well at the start but then?? the main love interest?? was just an asshole??

and why did the protag continue to put up with his bullshit?? he punched the wall next to her face until his knuckles were bleeding?? she was crying?? oh and he kissed her repeatedly when she said stop??? oh and now he threw food at her that she spent time making for him???? sophie??? what the absolute fuck are humans on????

the show’s called Meteor Garden (Netflix)

[dillydedalus]

september reading

i read some things i guess! open for the last (almost) of robin hobb, more mountaineering disasters, and …. dungeons & dragons?? (i completely forgot i had this in my drafts lol)

the nickel boys, colson whitehead idk man this is really well-written, well-paced, an important story based very much on real history, the characters serve their purpose very well, the violence and abuse is written in a way that is chilling without ever being gratuitous and with the exception of a twist that i thought was a little too predictable, there’s nothing i can really criticise. it just really lacked some spark for me, and maybe it’s just that after underground railroad (which is also didn’t particularly like, but damn that had spark) it feels a lil conventional. still good tho! 3/5

the adventure zone #1: here there be gerblins, various mcelroys & cary pietsch my brain Does Not Do podcasts but obvi i’ve been hearing A LOT about the mcelroy boys & i’m like. vaguely interested in d&d* so when this was made available on overdrive i was like okay why the hell not. it’s a fun, quick read, and while i don’t really know anything about d&d the trappings of the game were included in a fun way. nothing mindblowing, but a good time. 2.5/5

assassin’s fate (fitz & the fool #3), robin hobb y’all this is it… it’s been over a year & now i’m done with the realm of the elderlings (actually i still have the piebald prince novella & the short stories). i have some criticisms of this one (the timeline & the main climax seemed a lil muddled to me) but to be honest??? loved this, had all the feelings, was superhappy to see my cursed shores kids again, fitzy & bee were heartbreaking all the time, the paragon conflict was great, when fitz got to the quarry i literally immediately started uglycrying & pretty much didn’t stop until the end, so: 4.5/5 (series rating 4/5 i guess bc fool’s assassin was a drag & a half)

die nebelkrähe, alexander pechmann this is a speculative fictionalisation of a little episode in the spiritualist movement where medium hester dowden claimed she had communicated with/been briefly possessed by oscar wilde, which is pretty fun. unfortunately, pechmann chose to focus on his version of mr v., a pretty boring mathematician and skeptic, rather than the absolutely wild shit going on with dowden, which includes oscar wilde’s ghost dunking on james joyce (who responded by making fun of the whole thing in finnegans wake) and claiming he’s like totally straight. 2/5

oval, elvia wilk a neoliberal corporate hell/psychotropics/eco-punk gone wrong dystopia in berlin so you know i’m here (i.e. in berlin lol) for it. this is about a berlin in the not too distant future where finster corp (real subtle) is buying up everything, driving up rents through ecological redevelopment, artists mainly work as consultants for corporations, and our protags anja and louis live in a finster-sponsored zero-waste eco-commune on an artificial mountain in the middle of berlin. everyone’s jobs are nda-clad bullshit, everyone parties all the time without ever enjoying themselves, homelessness and income inequality are ignored with the barest twinge of guilt, and louis is developing a party drug that chemically makes you generous. oh and the nature on the mountain (the berg -.-) seems to be eating itself. the concepts are great, the writing is pretty good even tho it tries a bit too hard sometimes, wilk, while also suffering a lil from Expat Gaze, really knows berlin. the execution isn’t perfect, the pacing is a bit off, too much time is devoted to anja and louis’ boring relationship, and look, some of the dystopian elements are a bit obvious. neoliberalism bad. okay, we know. but there’s a lot of good here, and the ending is pretty great, if a bit underdeveloped. 3.5/5

travelers, helon habila a novel about the african diaspora in europe, told thru 6 inter-connected stories, all focusing on one story of migration. these are important stories well told, and i liked how they all linked up in the end. while berlin is the central hub these stories revolve around, not all are set in berlin and the setting really isn’t as central as i’d hoped (this is obvi very personal to me & my research interests so it’s not really criticism). i’d recommend this if you’re interested in the representation of african migrants and refugees. 3/5

the uninhabitable earth: life after warming, david wallace-wells shit’s fucked: the book. starts with ‘it is worse, much worse, than you think’ and doesn’t really get much more cheery from there. good if you want an idea of what the effects of global warming might be (a pretty pessimistic one, which is the point - when does pessimism become realism?), and how we (& how we might) respond to them. 3/5

the girl from the other side, nagabe (#1-5) spooky-yet-wholesome manga series about a snazzy demon who’s adopted a little human girl who has been abandoned/cast out by her human community, which is like 100% my jam. the central relationship is super cute & wholesome, the demon designs are amazing, the worldbuilding is really spooky & intriguing (if you touch a demon you’ll be cursed & also turn into a demon & tbh who doesn’t want to turn into a weird tall slightly monster with cool horns), and a lot of it is just the demon like. badly baking pie to cheer the girl up. 

girl woman other, bernardine evaristo somewhere between a novel and a collection of short stories written in a somewhat unconventional but highly readable style. the 12 stories each focus on one woman (and one nonbinary person), most of them black, examing black womanhood in britain throughout the 20th and 21st centuries. i enjoyed many of these stories, but the observational style and the way we quickly cover whole lives left me a bit detached. there’s also a lil corniness throughout, which comes out in full force in the epilogue, and while it’s cool to have trans rep, it honestly came across as a bit clueless. 3/5

dark summit: everest’s most controversial season, nick heil did someone say high-altitude mountaineering disasters? because i’m always here for some high-altitude mountaineering disasters. this is about the 2006 season which was p disastrous in terms of deaths even tho it didn’t even have a storm (cf the 1996 season aka please just read into thin air), just people walking past dudes who were dying bc rescues are extremely difficult & dangerous. anyway this ain’t into thin air, but it’s a good one & pretty wild bc all mountain climbers are fucking nuts. 3.5/5

sense & sensibility, jane austen really enjoyed this! the pacing is a lil weird & none of the men really is all that, but it’s all very charming & witty & i love sisterhood narratives (poor margaret!). as in (tho not as much as in) mansfield park, there’s a lot of attitudes that just don’t really track but in contrast to mp i found them interesting rather than frustrating, mostly - brandon/marianne is very uncomfortable especially when you realise that he’s projecting his tragic dead first love/sis-in-law onto marianne and that we don’t really see their courtship at all, but w/e. i especially enjoyed the ferrars family drama and the hilarious resolution to it, and i gotta say: lucy steele really did that & good for her. 4/5 

anyway, i’m about halfway thru alasdair gray’s lanark, which is a great big pomo brick, half portrait of the artist as a young glaswegian, half weird visions of hell in the city of unthank & i’m into it but it’s not a quick read. in october uni reading is also going to start, perhaps for the last semester ever :(

[shatteredsisters-blog]

Chapters: 3/? Fandom: Keeper of the Lost Cities Series - Shannon Messenger, KOTLC Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Keefe Sencen, Tam Song, Linh Song, Fitz Vacker, Biana Vacker, Sophie Foster, Dex Dizznee Additional Tags: Kidnapped, Missing, kinda mean, i feel bad doing this to keefe oops, Angst Summary:

How broken do you have to be before you’re shattered?

Keefe Sencen has been taken. Snatched from what was meant to be a prank, he struggles to find his way home. The question is, where is home?

Tam Song is cracking. He’s the cause of this, or so he believes. He’s convinced he’s the reason Keefe is suffering, and it’s awakening feelings he’s so desperately shut in the depths of his mind.

Sophie Foster is panicking. One of her best friends is missing and his blood has been splattered. She wonders, what would happen if there is no blood left by the time she finds him?

Time is ticking. Hour by hour, there’s a chance Keefe will never come back, and the gang is scrambling to crack the clues and ominous hints left by the mysterious thieves.

Chapter 3 beneath the cut.

Chapter 3: The Storm

Sophie had never felt more panicked.         She shared a fearful look with Linh before asking, “Fitz, what’s wrong with Biana?”

        The handsome face on the imparter’s screen twisted with terror, “I don’t know! She just stopped responding and began to cry when she read it!”

        Fitz had called a few moments ago, talking about Biana receiving a letter that left her in shock.

        “Have you read it yet?” Linh questioned worriedly.

        “No. I can’t get it out of her hands.”    

  “We’re coming over,” Sophie said, sitting up so fast her head started spinning.         She grabbed Linh’s hand and barely noticed how the hydrokinetic’s face flushed adorably with red.         “C’mon!” Sophie called, pulling her toward the cliff.         Linh flailed for a moment, startled, but got her footing and the two girls ran and jumped.

        The fall was always terrifying, even after literal years of doing this.         A crack split the air, and the duo fell in a heap. They scrambled up—blushing, obviously—dusting themselves off. A sudden noise caught their 

Loud, shrill 

Without uttering a word, the elves took off and shoved open the doors, running into the room.

“What’s going on?!” Sophie asked as Fitz came running down the stairs.  

“I already told you!”

“Well where is she?” Linh said, glancing around the room.        

“In the kitchen,” Fitz said as he darted away with Sophie and Linh on his heels.

They entered the kitchen area, where Biana kneeled on the floor, her shoulders shaking. She kept vanishing, her abilities reacting to her emotions.

“Biana? What’s wrong?” Sophie asked.

 She looked up, tear stains racing down her face.

They stood quietly, waiting.

  Biana stood, wiping her face roughly with her sleeve. Sophie had never seen her do such an inelegant thing.   

  She looked at it briefly, only spying messy handwriting. Her main concern was Biana, whose eyes were red and puffy.      

  “It’s okay.” Linh murmured, pulling the girl into a 

Biana smiled sadly, but sniffed as she glanced back down at the note, “Read it. She said the words so softly, Sophie had to strain to hear them, but she obliged.

The boy of sadness has wandered away. To a place that only him and I could find. I’ve sent him there on a fake quest,

to a place where he can make no calls of distress. If you want him back, give me what I desire. Respond quickly or he shall be gone forever. Fear not, for my request is simply human currency.

The boy of sadness… 

        Realization struck Sophie harder than a bullet train. Her heart thudded against her chest as thousands of vivid scenarios raced through her brain.

“Keefe?” Linh gasped before Sophie could open her mouth.

Biana averted her eyes, another tear rolling down her cheek, “I-it has to be.”

“Who sent him on a fake quest?!” Fitz asked, the disbelief strong in his tone.

“Fitz, stop asking stupid questions and start asking why they want human money!” Biana shouted, her mood suddenly turning angry.

Nobody knew how to react.

Sophie curved her mouth to form words at the spark of realization. “Wait… there are lots of different types of human money! They don’t all use the same currency…”

And then it dawned on her. “Is this a prank?”

Linh’s eyes widened.

Fitz wheeled on her. “A prank? Sophie, no! Keefe is missing!”

“But it’s a fake quest. And whoever wrote this probably doesn’t know much about humans because they didn’t specify what kind of money they want.” Everyone was looking at her now, which made Sophie reach up and tug and eyelash out.

“It’s just… a maybe,” she mumbled, looking down.

Fitz took back the note. “Let’s call someone from the Black Swan, run for Keefe’s pendent. For all we know Keefe could be messing with us,”

Biana looked at her brother in horror. “Fitz! He could be kidnapped and you think this is a joke?!”

Fitz turned to look his sister in the eyes. “Biana, it’s Keefe. What would anyone want with him?”

Biana’s eyes blazed, “Fitz,” she said lowly.

“Not like that! I mean, who would take him? We took out the Neverseen ages ago. We demolished the rebellion. There is no more enemies, and there hasn’t been for well over two years.”

Sophie’s stomach rolled. She remembered the horror of being with Brant and the others. She remembered it quite clearly.

“We should take this seriously until we’ve confirmed it’s a joke.” Dex said, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. “Sorry, Linh called. I uh... she thought I should come.” He fiddled with a gadget on his wrist. Sophie looked at Linh questioningly.

“Fine. I’ll call Magnate Leto and tell him that we need to track Keefe,” Fitz said, snapping her back to attention.

“No need! That’s kind of why Linh called. I uh, developed a way to track our pendants? I know, random, but I just… I started the project after we first got kidnapped and I found it recently and thought it’d be funny to use it to mess with you guys. But now I should probably use it to track our missing friend,” Dex said quickly.

“Do it!” Biana jumped in, “Find him, please,”

Sophie found herself smiling, and when she glanced over, she saw Linh smiling as well.

It was obvious that Biana cared for Keefe, and Sophie had to admit she was a little jealous.

But that wasn’t important at the moment.

“Hey, where's your parents?” Dex asked as he pulled a small device from his pocket.

“Away on business,” Fitz answered automatically, watching him switch on the tech.

Dex placed his thumb on the black panel. “Keefe Sencen,” he whispered. The device pinged for a moment, before zooming in on a globe, then to a country, and then to a giant forest.

Located, Heller Kern forest, 48-18-8-9.

“Why is he in Claralux?” Fitz said, looking at the map.

“What?” Sophie glanced at him, confused.

“It’s the proper name of the forest,” Dex explained, “Claralux is a forest with bioluminescence in the core of it. The trees also sing a powerful, ancient song that even we can hear. It allows us to hear the voice of the one we truly desire, but it can be a lot of things based on the book,” 

“Oh.” Sophie said. “How do we get there?”

“With this!” Linh said, fumbling to hold up a crystal, “I’ve kept it since we lived there. It’s true, though you can ask the trees to stop if they trust you,”

The crystal was a pale green, one that Sophie had never seen before. “How did you get that?”

Linh blushed. “I made it,”

Wow. That… Sophie didn’t know what to say to that.

Dex eyed it, the amazement clear in his periwinkle eyes. But thankfully, Biana saved her from having to respond.

“C’mon!” She cried, racing over to Linh.

The small smile that cracked across the hydrokinetic’s face caused a series of emotions to spring through Sophie’s heart, but she shoved them away.

Linh held the crystal  up to the light, motioning to follow, “Let’s go!”

The forest was unlike anything that Sophie expected. In all honesty, she didn’t know what’d she was expecting.

But a strangely warm, glowing forest was not it.      

The trees were tall and welcoming, and even though they loomed over Sophie and her friends, she didn’t feel threatened. They went on for miles, never seeming to end.       

 “Woah…” Fitz said, gazing at the forest with his mouth hanging open.

Dex and Biana stared at it with the same awe, but Linh was hurriedly shoving the crystal back into her pocket, then glanced at them, “You all ready?” They snapped out of their trance and nodded.

Linh turned to look at the forest as well, and she heaved a deep sigh, “Okay… Follow me.”

She took one step towards the woods, which encouraged Sophie to do the same.

Their walk went slowly at first, as they all were distracted by the pure, natural beauty of the place. They quickened their pace, with Linh and Dex in the lead.

Sophie admired the forest from behind them, but ahead of her she watched as the two elves shivered as they set foot into the woods.

“What is it?” Biana asked worriedly.

Linh turned to look at them, her pale blue eyes glazed over.

Worry sprang through Sophie, seeping through her bones. “Linh?” she whispered.

“It’s… just the trees. They’re louder this time. Urgent. Can’t you hear it?”

Her voice was soft, distant, even. How she sounded when Sophie enhanced her for the first time.

Sophie shook her head. “I don’t hear anything.”

“Then listen.”

Sophie was confused. How does she listen to something she couldn’t hear?

But she closed her eyes anyway, and focused on the forest.

“Help him,”

Sophie looked at Linh. “Did you say something?”

Linh shook her head, focused on something else.

How could Linh have said something, but not actually say it?

“Help him,” it repeated.

Sophie looked up. It wasn’t Linh. Was this the forest? Was this was she was talking about?

“How?” Sophie whispered, earning some bewildered looks.

“Sophie?” Fitz said, stepping forward.

And suddenly, light shimmered into the air, and it then elongated into a long line, stretching and winding into the forest, to places they couldn’t see. They all gasped, staring at the glow. But then they took deep breaths, and listened to their hearts.

And so they followed the light.

It was easy to say that Sophie wasn’t scared. But she was. The deeper she got, she swore the shadows grew longer and seemed to move unnaturally.

Something about the way they moved felt so… familiar.

Step by step they walked through the forest. Fitz stayed near the back, while Dex and Linh led them. Biana stayed close to Sophie.

The trees suddenly ended, the thick trucks seeming to curve around a single clearing, an area that bright light emanated from.

It took her breath away.

Linh started forward, walking in powerful, confident strides, before a shadow appeared and disappeared, forming the familiar face of Tam. He was grinning maniacally.

“Ha! Got you!” Linh stepped back in surprise, while the others jumped at the sudden noise.

“What?” Biana said, confused.

Tam looked at them apologetically. “Sorry, I had to make it believable. I made Keefe come out here in search of Sophie, but I haven’t seen him yet... I was gonna fake kidnap him, but I guess that’s failed.”

Dex paled. “The tracker says he’s within one hundred feet of us,”

“Not possible, I’ve covered every inch of this forest looking for him.” Tam said. “But to be sure…” He spread his arms out, and shadows went racing over and around all of them, and Sophie shuddered.

It was hard to remember exactly how powerful the Shade had gotten in the last few years.

“He’s not here,” Tam said.

“That.. no. This device is tracking his registry pendent.” Dex said, holding up the device.

“Maybe it’s wrong?” Fitz suggested.

“It’s getting the feed from the Council. I see what they see. So if it’s wrong, then it’s not my tools.” Sophie looked sideways at him, remembering how The Black Swan would mess up their registry pendants every so often so they could slip to a place unknown or prohibited. Maybe Dex forgot that?

“Guys?” Linh said, suddenly standing a few feet away from them, holding up a piece of paper in one hand and an empty, uncapped bottle in another.

She read it, and handed it to Fitz.

Sophie’s heart dropped as she saw the look on his face.

Horror. Fitz slowly handed the note to Dex, with the others watching carefully.

They looked at Dex, watching his skin pale and his hands fidget as he processed the words.

And then Sophie took her turn. The words were harsh, like it was written by one very, very, very angry person.

Revenge is best served on a silver platter.

The shiny pendent fell with a clatter.

In order for you to pay for your misbehavior,

He will have to SHATTER.

Her hands shook as it dawned on her what was happening.

Biana took the note from Sophie’s gloved hands, falling to her knees at the possible loss of her… friend.

“Guys?” Fitz said, his voice coming out choked. “You need to see this,”

Sophie’s eyes followed the disruption in the grass, a pathway made by a sled or something large.

Or someone being dragged through it.

And then she saw what he was looking at. She froze as her heartbeat thundered in her ears.

Keefe’s silver registry pendent.

Covered in blood.

[overeducatedandoverworked]

Accidentally On Purpose: The Training Session

“Remind me why I have to do this?” Darcy asked, wiggling nervously in her seat. Jane sighed beside her. “Because it’s the only requirement Director Fury set when he agreed not to fire you. Now calm down.” “It’s not that simple, Jane!” Darcy almost whined. “You’re not the one whose ass is about to be kicked by a world-famous spysassin.” “Relax,” Jane chided. “Thor says that Agent Romanov is actually quite polite, if intimidating. She’s probably doing this because Director Fury asked her to. She’ll probably just see where you’re at, show you a few tips, and then you’ll be on your way.” “Yeah, after she kicks my ass!” Darcy cried, and Jane cringed at the volume of her voice. “Calm down, and lower your voice,” Jane instructed. “I know you want to make a good first impression, and yelling at her is probably not the one you want to give. You’ll be fine, don’t worry. Oh, we’re here!” The limo pulled up in front of the building, and Jane stepped out of it after thanking the driver, with Darcy hesitantly following her. They checked in with the guards at the front door, and stepped into the elevator down to the main part of the building. “I really don’t get why they put all this effort into secrecy if their building is just going to be in broad daylight,” Darcy commented. “Me neither,” Jane agreed. “Now, I’m just going to be working in the labs with a few other scientists while you go train with Agent Romanov, and I’ll text and wait for you until you’re done in the main lobby, okay?” “You get the easy job, you know that? You get to go play with your little fellow scientists in all kinds of fun sciency things, and blow stuff up, while my ass is kicked into next week!” Jane couldn’t help giggling at Darcy’s pouting expression. “You’ll be fine. And really, Leo Fitz and Dr. Simmons don’t count as ‘little scientists’, they’re—oh, this is my floor!” She hugged Darcy quickly as the doors opened, and walked through, waving behind her back and yelling behind her “You’re gonna do great!” Darcy covered her face with her hands as the doors closed and the elevator continued downward. When the bell rang again and the doors opened, she took a deep breath, stood up straight, and walked through into the long hallway. Room 1387, her training room, was at the end of a long hallway, and she had to press her hand to the sensitive glass, input the eleven-digit code, and say the code word for the doors to open. Paranoid much? Inside the room was a tall, redheaded woman in a black shirt and pants. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail, her body quick and agile as she worked over a punching bag in the corner. She was like a panther: shining black, stunningly beautiful. And absolutely terrifying. Darcy took one look at the woman, and almost ran away. She had seen the woman on the footage of the Battle of New York, but seeing her in person was a completely different bucket of fish. Or however that saying goes. Her brain was too fried from terror to make sense of it. When the woman set her eyes on her, her instincts were screaming at her to run, to hide. But she couldn’t move; it felt like her piercing gaze had stuck her in place. And then she surprised her. The woman laughed, a sound that was both joyous and utterly terrifying. “I always told Clint that I was the more terrifying of us two,” the woman said as she walked closer. “You must be the famed Darcy Lewis. I’ve heard quite a bit about you and your tasing habit.” As Darcy’s brain slowly unfroze, it occurred to her that maybe this wouldn’t be as bad as she thought it’d be. “Y-yes, that’s me!” she stammered, trying to project false confidence, and failing. The woman's lips turned upward, forming a little smirk. "I must say, when Clint said that you had taken him out, I had expected someone... taller." "Just because I didn't win the genetic lottery doesn't mean I can't kick ass when necessary," Darcy retorted automatically. She had heard far too many short jokes over the years not to. The woman's smile grew. "When Director Fury told me that I would be training you," the woman continued, “I was a little surprised. Honestly, I thought he would have stuck you in with the freshmeat SHIELD agents, but apparently he thought you were dangerous enough that you needed the extra help. Natasha Romanov,” she said, sticking her hand out for Darcy to shake. Darcy took it, and Natasha turned her arm behind her back and put her into a headlock. Without thinking, Darcy pulled her taser from her back pocket with her free hand, turned it on full power, and pushed it into the woman’s side, giving her a jolt. Natasha dropped her arm from her throat, clutching her side with a look of surprise and… was that amusement? “I understand now,” she said, panting slightly. “The taser, a nice trick. You’ve got quite the draw on that.” She fully stood up, and plucked it from Darcy’s hands. “But you need to be more than a one-trick pony.” She pointed to a cabinet on the other side of the room. “True self-defense isn’t using a weapon; it’s being one.” Darcy groaned, and Natasha’s smirk turned into a terrifying smile. “Get comfortable. We’re going to be here a while.”

“What do you meant you tased my agent?!” Darcy had to hold the phone away from her ear in order for her hearing not to be damaged from Director Fury’s bellowing voice. “You had one job, Lewis! One job! Just get through a simple self-defense course without injuring anyone. And what did you do? You tased the Black Widow!” Darcy groaned. She was so not feeling this. After a two-hour lesson with the Black Widow, her ass had been promptly and thoroughly kicked. She was pretty sure that she had been taking revenge for tasing her, although Jane had sworn up and down that she was positive that she would never do such a thing, and that she was a consummate professional. Darcy said that her smirk made that a bold-faced lie. But back to her current disaster. Jane looked over from her lab table, and mouthed, ‘you okay?’. Darcy just nodded resignedly, as Fury droned on, “You managed to take out the Black Widow with a motherfu-“, when the phone was snatched out of her hands. “Hey!” she shouted, as Tony stole her (beautiful, oh-so-precious) iPhone and chipperly hit the speaker button. “Look, Fury, Darcy’s currently a limp noodle laying across my very-expensive, mind you, couch. She looks about as ready to take a lecture from you as Clint is to shut up, meaning not at all. What did she do that made you turn into such a sourpuss?” “Stark,” Fury said with obvious irritation, “She took a taser to Romanov, and made her suffer a first-degree burn. While it’s healing quickly, she is an obvious danger to herself and those around her, and unless she gives up her weapon,” Darcy made her displeasure very clear at this statement, “she is no longer welcome to work with SHIELD.” “Fine,” Tony said, as Jane and Darcy looked up in shock and fury, “she can come work for Stark Industries, then.” He turned to Darcy. “How about it, doll? I can pay you double what SHIELD is now.” “Zero times two is still zero, genius,” Darcy snapped back. “Then I’ll add on $50,000 a year, and you can live in the tower, for zero rent. How’s that sound?” Darcy’s jaw dropped as Fury swore incoherently on speaker. “You’ve got yourself a deal, Fe male. But I work under Pepper, you hear me? I won’t have you bossing me around.” “Done and done,” he said, before saying into the phone, “Send my condolences to Maria. I know she’ll miss Darcy,” and hanging up on the director.

[healthfitness04]

Legendary Free Climber Alex Honnold On How To Control Fear

Mark Bailey

Friday, May 4, 2018 - 14:23

At 5.32am on 3rd June 2017, Alex Honnold began his pioneering ascent of El Capitan, a stark 900m turret of slippery granite in California’s Yosemite National Park. To give you a sense of scale, the towering Shard in London is the tallest building in the UK – and El Capitan is almost three times higher. But unlike other climbers clinging precariously to the wall that day, Honnold had no ropes, harnesses or safety protection. As the world’s leading practitioner of “free soloing” – an exhilaratingly pure but risk-laced type of climbing that involves ascending big walls without ropes, he was equipped only with a pair of climbing shoes and a bag of chalk.

After three hours and 56 minutes of physically gruelling and technically challenging manoeuvres up narrow cracks and fissures – sometimes balancing on ledges the width of matchboxes, at other times hanging only by his fingers above the immense void, and knowing every second that any mistake would lead to his death – Honnold hauled his body over the summit. He had become the first climber in history to climb “El Cap” without ropes – an achievement so groundbreaking that fellow climber Tommy Caldwell called it rock climbing’s equivalent of the Moon landings. National Geographic magazine described it simply as “the greatest feat of pure rock climbing in the history of the sport”.

Honnold, 32, who started climbing aged 11 in his local gym in Sacramento, had already earned a legendary reputation in the climbing community for his daring rope-free ascents, notably of Moonlight Buttress in Utah in 2008 and of the Triple Crown in Yosemite in 2012. However, his eye-catching ascent of El Cap earned him global recognition, wowing non-climbers and climbers alike.

What most intrigues people about Honnold isn’t just the physical fitness and technical skillset required to perform such astonishing climbs, but also the mental control and psychological preparation that makes those feats possible. How does he master fear, doubt and anxiety to excel in such high-pressure, life-or-death situations? And can his system work for the rest of us? We sat down with the man himself to discuss the surprisingly humble and human techniques behind his superhuman psychology.

What were the unique challenges you faced during your free solo ascent of El Capitan?

The main difficulty of El Cap – and there are a lot of difficulties – is the sheer size of it. I climbed it in four hours, which is the fastest it has ever been climbed but it is still not that fast. With four hours of continuous climbing, the fitness component is a challenge. But the first 300m are at quite a low angle, like a slab, which means you have your weight on your feet and there are no real handholds so it is really technical. It feels slippery and unsafe, so one of the main mental blocks was just that you feel like you could slip at any moment. Up higher, the part that was most physically difficult was where you have to pull [yourself up] really hard. So you have this combination of the insecure character of the climb, the difficulty of the climb and the size of the climb. There are a lot of different aspects to get your head around.

What is the emotional appeal of climbing without ropes, given its obvious dangers?

There are a lot of factors. The purity is a big part. The simplicity. The fact you don’t need a partner. I think when I first started to climb I didn’t know other climbers so part of it was just being too afraid to ask someone to belay me and going and doing stuff by myself instead. But definitely the challenge is part of it. There is the feeling of mastery and of working towards something that is really difficult. It is about perfecting your craft. And sometimes it is just more fun because you can cover more ground more quickly.

This climb was the pinnacle of your career. What does it represent to you?

Big solo climbs are what I am most proud of and after El Cap everything else pales in comparison. I loved doing the Fitz Roy route [a complete traverse of Patagonia’s Fitz Roy massif in 2014] with Tommy Caldwell. That is one of the things I am most proud of. I have done a couple of other big climbs in Patagonia which are pretty meaningful to me because they involved big days in the mountains. But I think I have always found soloing the most beautiful experience and El Cap has always been the impossible climb.

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Photograph: Theadore Hesser

To free climb you need strong fingers, forearms and legs, a solid core, and immense flexibility and endurance. How did you prepare physically for the climb?

“Before this climb I was doing hiking and running because I knew in order to practise this route I would need to hike to the top over and over again so I needed good fitness. Now I am trying to focus less on that and more on difficult climbing instead. I want my legs to be smaller because I don’t need to hike up there all day. So my training fluctuates according to my goals. But the physical side is fairly straightforward. You have to be able to climb the route without falling, so first of all you have to be strong and fit enough to not get too tired when you work on it.

You were hanging off a 900m wall of rock without ropes. The big question is: how do you control your fear?

I’m not trying to control the fear exactly. I try to prepare to the point where I’m not feeling afraid because if I was going to feel a lot of fear I wouldn’t go up there. In some ways fear indicates either a lack of preparation or that something has gone wrong. Even something unexpected happening that you haven’t foreseen is a lack of preparation to some extent.

It is not as if I take something very scary and suppress that fear and just do it anyway. I take something scary and I identify the reasons it is scary. I think through which ones are rational and which ones are not, I work through those things, and eventually I do it when it doesn’t feel scary any more.

What did your mental preparations involve?

There was a lot to it. The mental side is in both believing that it is possible and actually knowing how to do it, which means memorising all the sequences and practising, rehearsing and spending a lot of time up there.

How did you ensure you didn’t suffer any nerves or doubts during the climb?

I spent a lot of time considering variations to make sure there was no easier way to do it, partly so that when I got to a challenging section I wouldn’t be wondering in the back of my mind that maybe there was some better way go out on the right or something. I wanted to be 100% committed to what I was doing when I was up there so there was no possibility of hesitation or doubt. That isn’t super-obvious – you might not think that would be a part of my preparation. But it was important to close all those other doors so once I was on that path I knew that was the only path and there were no questions.

How do you react to unexpected scenarios during a climb?

I wouldn’t say I have a process but I deal with those things on a case-by-case situation. The underlying theme is always to rationally evaluate the situation because feeling fear is just a physiological response where there are a lot of things happening in your body. Your vision narrows, your pulse quickens and other things happen. But just because you are experiencing fear it doesn’t change the reality of the situation. It doesn’t mean you are more or less likely to fall off. It just means you think you are about to fall off. Sometimes that means you are in real danger and sometimes it doesn’t.

Being able to use that rational part of your brain, take a step back and evaluate what is going on and make the right decisions, that is the thing. That is a process which gets better with practice. And I have had a lot of practice now.

What was your mindset on the day of the climb?

The climb went more smoothly than I could have hoped for. It was perfect. It was almost like I had over-prepared and I could just show up and feel amazing. But I was still nervous in the morning, or maybe more excited? It’s hard to say exactly. I imagine it is similar to how any other athlete feels when they go into a big day. Going into the Olympics I am sure people are nervous and excited. They know they are prepared so they are excited for the moment.

I was sort of just on autopilot. I just did exactly what I was supposed to do. I did all my preparation on time in terms of packing my backpack and other things. I pre-made my breakfast so I just rolled out of bed, put on my clothes, ate my breakfast and I just went. There wasn’t any room to go off track.

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Last year you volunteered for a MRI scan at the Medical University of South Carolina. The scientists discovered that your brain doesn’t react to fear in the same way as other people. What did you make of that discovery?

To some extent it doesn’t matter because I know who I am and I know what I like to do, so it doesn’t matter what somebody tells me about my brain. I know me. I am still me. I am still the same person. I think it was an interesting evaluation but the results are still ambiguous. You can take what you want from it. What I took from it was that I probably started slightly less susceptible to fear than the average person but then I deadened my response to it over time. Other people might look at the same results and they might say they mean I am a freak. But I just don’t think I am naturally like that. I think it comes from years of practice.

Do you find your approach of breaking down fear into rational and controllable components helps you in other areas of your life?

Yeah, I mean a rational evaluation of risk is helpful in all parts of life. For example, I enjoy a rollercoaster. It is fun. It is not scary at all. It is not risky at all. The only risk in a rollercoaster is if something goes wrong, if the rollercoaster breaks and you go flying out on the track, and that is not likely at all. So there is nothing to worry about. It makes sense to look at all life that way and keep risks in the right perspective.

You keep a journal. Does that help with your mental preparation too?

I have two journals going at any time. I have a climbing journal which I have formatted in the same way since 2005. Every single climb or outdoor activity goes into that journal. Then I have another journal which is more for training, lifestyle, to-do lists, goals and random things like keeping track of my diet and my day-to-day calisthenics and supplemental training. That journal is much more varied. I sometimes go a couple of months without writing in that, but my climbing journal has been maintained meticulously since 2005.

People around the world were amazed by your climbs. But what amazes you?

I still love watching climbing movies and reading climbing magazines and I am definitely inspired by other climbers – although personally I’m more inspired by feats of strength. When I see people do things in training, I’m like, “I can’t believe you can do a pull-up with your pinkie finger from that little hold! That is so crazy!” But that’s because the physical side has always been hard for me. I’m not naturally strong in the way some people are and maybe that is why people appreciate [my achievements], because the mental side doesn’t come easily to a lot of people. But I just want to see feats of strength. I can’t believe what people can do. It is crazy.

You’ve already taken climbing to a whole new level. What’s next?

There are a handful of climbs I want to do and tons of locations I would like to go to. I want to go climbing in areas I have never been so that means plenty of adventure travel. I am going to Antarctica this winter so that should be quite the life experience. It will be the seventh continent I have climbed in so it should be fun. But there are still plenty of things to do. It’s only been a few months since El Cap. By this time next year I will have a whole list planned again.

The North Face climber Alex Honnold is a part of the global Walls Are Meant For Climbing campaign, aimed at increasing the accessibility of the sport and bringing the climbing community together. Check out @thenorthfaceuk on Instagram.

from http://www.coachmag.co.uk/climbing/7495/legendary-free-climber-alex-honnold-on-how-to-control-fear